#Arty is quoting walt whitman btw.

[cloudbattrolls]

Tell Us How to Live

Gliese Benral | Forest Near the Kelter Mansion | Present Night

Something was changing.

She’d felt it, reaching into her constructs lately. She had a deeper connection now, could feel through their senses more acutely. It wasn’t necromancy, wasn’t flesh and bone and spirit. Not directly. 

Wasn’t plantcraft either. She was getting better at that, coaxing buds and thorns from scraps with ease now, but this was totally unrelated. This didn’t occur when she shaped flowers or vines; same level of control as ever. She couldn’t commune with her plants, fucking shame that it was.

No, this was…weird. Not bad, but weird, the way she was linked to them now. She could feel their thoughts - more than their thoughts. Their perceptions, simple and blunted as they were, being non-sapient constructs, with dead bodies and half-dead minds.

The drag of a bony foot through soil. The swirl of a breeze through dead hair.

She hadn’t tried on Zeller yet. She knew asking probably wouldn’t go down well. 

Gliese wanted to ask Quilis. In person.

Sure, she could’ve gone to Astirn. But her friend wasn’t in the middle of a damn desert, and if this was some emerging change to her magic, she wanted advice before she presented it to her mentor. 

So she went over, and oh who was fucking waiting in the woods but creature feature itself.

“It’s not safe right now.” Said Eileit as she approached, wearing its stupid goth maid outfit as the blueblood resisted the urge to throw something at it.

“Bullshit.” She said. “You just don’t want me there.”

It shook its head. “Quilis isn’t accepting visitors, and they’re away at the shop right now. I can ask them to text you when they get back if you want an explanation.”

“Then why are you here?” She demanded. “How come you get to stick around?”

It blinked. “To help.”

She snarled. “Like hell you are. What’s your real reason? What are you planning?”

“Whatever I say, you won’t believe.” It said calmly. “Goodbye.”

It turned to walk away. Gliese, frustrated, reached out with her magic just to stop it in place -

A vast well of feeling. Silver and black and green, a web of wires, a sea of blades, a storm of light -

Quilis’s face and voice. Her favorite teas. The decorations on the taxidermy. A plush bear. A bag of candies. Conversations. Laughter. 

Deep respect. Admiration. A desire to learn more. An appreciation of beauty. A strange fondness. 

An acceptance of its place, that none of this should be spoken of.

Love, the blueblood realized, as she struggled to extract herself from the swirl of feelings. 

So much love.

She came back to reality, nearly stumbling onto the grass.

The blueblood breathed hard, her lean face covered in sweat. Her glowing orange eyes crackled slightly, and blue sparks flew around the base of her horns as well.

Eileit had turned around and its eyes - weren’t maroon anymore. 

The sclera had gone black. The pupils were bright jade slits.

“What -“ It said pleasantly, but with an unmistakable edge to its tone. “- did you just do?”

“Uh.” She said, still reeling a bit from the wash of emotions. “I don’t know.” She admitted. 

“Hm.” It said, arms crossed behind its back as it examined her. “My mind - no, my feelings. If it was my mind, you’d be in worse shape, most likely…”

“Yeah, I didn’t really get like, words?” She said, wiping her face with a small towel from her sylladex. “Just emotions. Shit, I didn’t know I could do that. You’re not undead. How did I do that?”

She paused, then looked disgusted as it sank in.

“Oh god. You have a flushcrush on Quilis. I so regret asking.”

Its face was unreadable.

“Will you tell her?”

Gliese snorted.

“Fuck no. I don’t want to give her daymares.”

It nodded. A bird called somewhere in the trees.

“Then we agree. No need to speak of it.”

“Thank god.” She said fervently. “I’d have to teach you a hard lesson otherwise.”

It stared at her with those awful green slits, those piercing eyes, and Gliese shivered.

Its clasped its hands politely. Its head tilted slightly, one ear raised, the other lowered.

“What would you do-” It said, so soft, so cold. “-if I felt differently?”

Gliese bit her lip, ears flicking as she looked away - up, down, settling on the side.

“I’d-” She said, then stopped. “I’d- fuck.” She spat. 

“I’d do nothing! Happy? I’d fucking do nothing, and you know it. Gloat about it, why don’t you.”

It shook its head. “It’s not about me, Gliese. This is very much about you.”

“Oh, don’t fucking try to schoolfeed me.” She snarled. “Of course this is about you! You and your - fucked up feelings.”

It blinked. 

“Am I to be condemned when I’ve never spoken a word? When I would never act on them?”

Gliese wanted to say she couldn’t trust it. But she’d seen - she’d felt - the truth. Eileit knew better. It understood Quilis would never return its feelings, and it didn’t mind. 

“You’re so fucking - righteous.” She muttered. “It feels fake. No one’s really that pure about it. Everyone wants their crush to notice them, at least a little.”

“Not righteous.” It said, shaking its head. “Aware there’s no point. I've cut out feelings like that to ensure my silence and courtesy.”

The hare troll bit her lip. It was so…so goddamn casual about fucking with its own head. No wonder it hadn’t freaked out when she’d accidentally found her own way in.

Accidentally, and yet it had felt entirely natural. Like she was meant to do stuff like that.

“Yeah, well.” She said roughly, pushing onward. “Good. Keep it that way.”

“I don’t want to be told to leave.” It said with amusement. 

Gliese paused.

“Doubt they’d tell you to.” She admitted, grudgingly.

“Maybe not.” Eileit acknowledged. “But they would be within their rights if they did.” It said calmly. 

“I’m content with what I do and the kindness Quilis has shown me.” It continued, tapping its chin. “But…it isn’t technically any of your business. You aren’t her quadrant. And she’s more than capable of handling herself.”

“I’m her friend.” The blueblood spat. “I know Quilis can handle herself fine! I’m not worried about that.”

“Worried about what, then.” It said, blinking. 

She gritted her teeth.

“It’s just - it’s fucking weird! No one knows exactly what you are or what you’ll do. None of us know shit. We can’t trust you.”

It nodded.

“Good points. But be honest.”

She wanted to strangle the fucking thing, but she knew it wouldn’t help. “You’re a freak.” She finally admitted. “You’re a freak and a threat and nowhere near being a troll. Even Tuuya used to be one. You never were, were you?”

“No.” It agreed with a creepy smile.

“See that? That right there?” She said, pointing at its face. “That is why I don’t fucking like it. You are a disturbing little bitch and you don’t even try to pretend otherwise or apologize or anything.”

“I didn’t ask to exist this way.” It said calmly. “I am as I was made.”

“You could put more effort into being normal.” Gliese muttered.

It looked at her, a trace of weariness on its red-freckled face.

“Being like a troll…would require amputating the majority of myself. There would only be a fragment left. It would be stiff and stilted, or shallow and lacking. There is no version of me sanitized enough for your liking.”

“Maybe Quilis would be into you if you tried.” she murmured, aware it wasn't a great joke, but goddamn this situation needed some levity.

Eileit looked at her with such withering disdain that she blushed blue in mild shame.

It spoke a single word.

“No.”

Gliese wanted to be angry. She wanted to shout that who did it think it was, talking back to her? It was a machine. A machine couldn’t comprehend or feel love…

…and yet this one did. 

It turned away, apparently done with the conversation.

“So, what, you’d rather just not change, even if people liked you more?”

“Would you?” It said neutrally, beginning to walk away from her.

She gritted her teeth. “Okay, not usually, but…some people are worth changing for. Worth trying to be better.”

“Quilis has made no complaint about my behavior or service.” It said. “If they did, I would listen.”

It got further away, deeper into the forest.

Gliese ran to catch up to it, stopping a few feet behind the false maroon.

“Yeah, well…I’m not saying you should say anything, obviously, but you wouldn’t try to act more troll, even for her?”

It stopped and looked at the blueblood.

“‘And if the body were not the soul, what is the soul? I have perceived that to be with those I like is enough.’”

It walked faster, disappearing behind the trees before she could say anything else.

The mage’s orange eyes followed it, uncertain, her ears slightly lowered.

Well, this sure wasn’t how she’d expected discovering her native domain to go.