#Arthur: what do you mean “I didn��t know?! you all did?! and didn’t tell me???

[darknessisafriend]

Since the beginning

Pairing: Arthur/Joker x Reader

Warning: rough sex, bloodplay and very long fic XD

Prompt: Where the Reader has been in a relationship since before his decent into madness and she is at the apartment when Arthur is on the Murray Franklin Show. She watches the whole thing and is terrified, too scared to even move. When she does find the strength, she decides to pack everything and get the hell out of Dodge. Then, as she finishes and is getting ready to leave, Arthur comes home. He manages to escape the cops and comes back to get her? He's still post-car accident. He has blood all over and his makeup still on. Arthur is all creepy and everything as he tries to get the reader to go with him, saying "you love me, don't you?" And all that shit. In the end, the reader submits, and they have rough-ish sex?

You have more empathy than most people, not very talkative, introvert and nervous in crowded places, you always saw details and noticed thing others didn´t see. The homeless grandma, trying to sell little knitted objects to have food, a warm and safe place to spend the night; the sexually harassed student in the subway not daring to move or say anything, that nobody see or feign not to see. You often thought that it´s probably because people don´t see you either that you notice these details.  

 You had recently graduated from university but you couldn´t find a job related to your background, and you had your student loan to pay back. You wondered, `what’s the point of studying for this kind of result? ´, so you took the first job you found, cashier at a porn cinema. Most of the time it was ok, but as you worked on the night shift, you could meet pervs, asking you to do all sorts of things as if working at a porn cinema included prostitution; you didn´t feel safe either when your shift ended at 5:00 am, it was still dark outside, most of the streets were desert, except for some criminals, you were just lucky nothing had happened to you yet. 

 You met Arthur in the streets, the day when he got beaten up; you were passing by, going to work. Your boss had asked you to do extra hours, you couldn´t refuse it, you will be able to buy yourself warm clothes for winter. It was going to be quite a long day; it was around 3pm when you approached from your place of work. You were looking to the ground while walking, lost in your thoughts. Suddenly on your left your heard muffled noises, to realize it sounded like a mix of punches and groans. As you turned you head in the direction of the sounds, you saw a group of kids running, leaving someone lying still on the floor. `Shit´ you thought as you started to walk rapidly towards the victim. The man was dressed as a clown, breathing rapidly, curved into a ball, his sign broken into pieces. He slowly moved onto his back, making his prank flower throw a spurt of water, as if he was trying to cheer himself up. He quailed as he saw you approaching; he probably expected another series of beating.  Poor man, you crouch down, your hands in front of you.  

 “I mean no harm” you told him as softly as you could, giving him a reassuring smile.  

 “I´m Y/N, what´s your name?” you asked him, he looked at you in the eyes, like you were an alien, what happened to him to end up so surprised by such question?   

 “I´m Ar…Arthur …” he stuttered; his voice broken. He sounded like such a sweet guy. You could feel anger rise in your chest, why did everyone were so mean these days?  But now wasn’t the time to get pissed.  

 “Arthur, are you okay? Can you move?” you asked him, extending your hand for him to take. He seemed to hesitate as if it was another sick joke. You gave him an encouraging smile. He gently took your hand, you squeezed it reassuringly.  

 “I´m alright” he answered, still looking at you, wonder filling his blue eyes, they were one of the most beautiful you had ever seen. You helped him stand up, he rolled his right shoulder, he probably took a heavy punch there, and one of his legs seemed to hurt him as well. He was about to bend to reach the pieces of his sign, you were faster than him.  

 “No, don’t worry, I´ll pick it up for you” you added, gathering them, and giving them to Arthur. He was throwing you quick glances.  

 “Thank you, Y/N, I´m… I´m sorry to bother you…” he said with a guilty tone, looking on the ground. You automatically reach for his gloved hand.  

 “You didn’t! Wasn´t gonna leave you like this. Nobody deserves to be treated like that, believe me” You said with a smile. He seemed awestruck; your heart skipped a beat as a small shy smile formed on his lips. You will arrive late at work this day but it didn´t matter, for the first time you had met love. 

 And it was love at first sight. Only a few days after meeting him, you were dating. You liked your relationship with him, the both of you took things slow, there was not rush, for now kisses, cuddles and holding hands was all you needed from each other. Arthur, was perfect for you, he was not afraid to have fun, just like you; it was nice to share this with someone, because most of your friends and family would often tell you to stop having fun the way you did because `it´s not of your age anymore, dreaming is for children not adults´. Your imagination was the only place where you were happy, until Arthur entered your life.  

 His life wasn´t easy either, worse than yours, but you were there to support him, make him smile and laugh; laugh of fun and joy unlike his condition which was painful and caused him to be rejected even more by society. When he had one of those laughter outbreaks, you would hold him, caressing his back, whispering soothing words in his ear.  You were doing your best to share moments with him, comfort him after a bad day where people would be rude to him, making fun of him. 

 “I hope my death makes more cents than my life” you had read out loud one day, as you leaned over his shoulder, you chuckled, wrapping your arms around him, your chin resting on his shoulder, kissing his jaw. “I like that one, but please don´t die too soon”, you added, it made him smile, he kissed your hand “As long as you love me, no chance” he had answered sweetly. 

 Days went on happily. One day, as he came back from work, he had told you he carried a gun with him, he knew he wasn’t supposed to but a colleague of his, Randall, had insisted, telling him it was essential to keep him safe. It was a nice gesture of him, it could at least serve a dissuasion if some thugs were to attack Arthur.

And unfortunately, you didn’t have much time to see each other during the week as you mostly worked at night, but you did your best. Over the weeks, you started to bring some of your belongings to his apartment to spend more time with him. You would spend your day sleeping on his couch, to be woken up by his kisses as he came back from work and you had to start your night shift. Despite his exhaustion, he always insisted on escorting you to work to make sure you were safe. To this point, you could say that you were living with him more than at your home. His mother Penny was very nice but very sick. And Arthur had so much weight on his shoulders, sacrificing his own health for her, so when you could, you insisted on helping them financially. Sometimes you would accompany him to watch stand-up comedy and honestly you didn’t understand how people could laugh to such sexist and stupid jokes, it was nothing like Arthur’s dark and sophisticated humor, which you absolutely loved.

 Despite the happy moments you shared with him, life continued to push him down. Just like this day you’d remember your entire life. He left for work, all excited because his gig was to happen in a children hospital, he loved kids so much, and they loved him too, never mocked him in anyway. You had a day off, staying at your flat, preparing yourself for a date night with him.  However, when he came knocking at your door that night, he was panting, his nose bleeding, his hair disheveled. He had told you everything, how he got fired whereas he didn’t do anything wrong but carry something to protect himself; then how he got beaten up by those assholes, and he shot them. It was self-defense, these jerks only got what they deserved, you had told Arthur. He had come to you, knowing you’d be there for him. You will cover him, and support him. It was also the night were the both of you made love for the first time, as a sign of trust and love you had for each other.

You learned how to hate Wayne, when the next day, all he had to say was that the less fortunate people in this city, were stupid, not able to make decisions of their own, clowns that needed guidance from some fucking rich guy like him. It made you happy that people were reacting to this and were supporting Arthur, maybe that’s what Gotham’s need after all.

Still, since that day, Arthur changed, he was different; it felt like he wasn’t sharing everything with you. One night, he came back from therapy more upset than usual, angry even. “Arthur, you know you can talk to me, right?”, but that night, he didn’t.

 Life went back to normal. He had decided to do his first stand up comedy, you wouldn’t miss for any reason. He had entered the stage smiling, but the laughter attack came, you just wanted to stand up and soothe him, but you knew he wouldn’t want that, because he wants to perform; he just had to get through this outbreak first. So, you smiled encouragingly, hoping that between his gasps for air, he would see you and that it would help him. And he did, it gave him the strength to push past his nervousness, and he was good, very good, each of his jokes made you laugh, even though you knew them by heart. As he finished the show, and people were clapping, you hurried backstage, and greeted him with a passionate kiss.

 “I’m so proud of you, you were the best” you had told him between kisses. The lovemaking after that had been incredible, passionate; Arthur was becoming more confident taking the lead, you liked it and did not hesitate to tell him how good he was. You probably had an impact for sure, but you didn’t know he wasn’t taking his medication anymore and that had deeper impact on him. The following days he continued his show every night, despite how much you wanted to be there you couldn’t, still working at night.

One particular day, you went to see him and Penny, but he wasn’t there, and his mother was in a worst emotional state than usual, cops were there, what was going on? and then everything happened fast, Arthur was still missing. Until the ambulance came.

 As the doctors took Penny to reanimation, you were waiting outside with Arthur; he was pacing back and forth, anxious. 

 “Arthur! Come sit here please.” He seemed to come out of his trance, and sat next to you, you passed one arm around his shoulders. 

 “She´s gonna be alright, they´re going to take good care of her.” 

 As they brought her in a room, the doctors explained she had a stroke, the both of you stayed by her side. 

 “Arthur, where were you? What happened? Looked like a fight happened there” You asked him, keeping your voice down, he looked to the opposite of you.  

 “Nothin´, just went for a walk.” He answered tiredly. 

 “Arthur…why aren´t you telling me the truth? You´re lucky that I was passing by to talk to you, I found her unconscious with those cops…” 

 “I don´t wanna talk about it Y/N…” his tone final, you sighed, you felt hurt that he didn´t trust you enough to share whatever happened.  

 “I´m gonna get a coffee, want one?” you asked him, standing up, he nodded, you gave him a kiss on his temple and went to the cafeteria.

 The following days got worse, you just felt Arthur slip away from you, and you simply didn´t know what to do, except to be there for him. When Penny died you were there too, for the burial he wore a red costume, smoking a cigarette; that´s when you saw him smile in front of the grave, a big smile, this disturbed you, was it some kind of nervous reaction?  Then, he flicked the cigarette onto the tomb making you gasp. 

 “Good, now let´s get out of here.” He said on a joyful tone, walking away, he is showing no signs of caring about his mother´s death, he looks happy. 

 “What´s wrong with you?!” you exclaimed, maybe it was his way of coping with the shock of her death, but it wasn´t a reason to show her disrespect. 

 “Nothing´s wrong with me!” he yelled, pointing a finger at you. You froze; it was the first time that he raised his voice on you. 

  “I´ll just leave you alone for now. You know where to find me…” You answered, swallowing down, trying to suppress the tears prickling into your eyes, it´s probably for the best that you give him some space. He doesn´t even try to go after you. So, you went back to your place, `I guess I´ll be spending the rest of the week alone…´.  

 You were truly worried for him, he was behaving strange for the past weeks, and for some reason he refused to open up to you; you feared that he was really going crazy and that he would end up harming himself. 

Two days passed, without any news from him, this was eating you up. You were so used to his presence. Today you had to go outside to run some errands. As you opened the door, you spotted something on the floor, a bunch of synthetic flowers and an envelope. You instantly recognized it was from Arthur, he had showed you his magic tricks where he would pull out these flowers. This made you smile; you took both item and retreated back in your apartment, excited to read the letter.   

 My love,  

I´m sorry for my behavior last day,  

Please be at my flat for Murray Franklin show, you will watch me on TV, I was invited!

You´re going to like it, it´s going to be so much fun!  

Never forget that I love you,  

Arthur  

 Your excitement slightly came down when you finished reading the letter. You had seen the video, you were with him when Murray played his video on TV and mocked him. Arthur was devastated this day, he cried for hours, the only thing that made him happy had betrayed him. If he was going there naively, thinking that people will be nice to him or that Murray will show him sympathy for everything that has happened to him in the past few weeks, he was wrong. If only you had money to afford a ticket for the show, you would have joined him right away. You prepared yourself to go to his place, there was 2 hours left before the show, you had time to buy what you needed to cook dinner, he surely will need it after the show.  

 On the way to his place, you felt nervous, people outside were getting excited, wearing clown mask or paint, felt like seeing Arthur´s `Carnival´ clown on every face. You totally supported this upbringing, you simply hoped this wouldn´t end in a blood bath, you didn´t want anyone to be killed, this could not legitimate your fight.  

 As you entered his apartment, you realized that it was a mess, for some reason, the food and compartments of the fridge were thrown out. You noticed that the doorframe of the living room was damaged like something had violently hit it, several times. You assumed that he had been very disturbed by his mother’s death and he took out his anger and helplessness on the flat itself.   

 You hoped that being at his place will enable the two of you to talk at open hearts, you wanted to know how he felt, what happened… 

 As you finished setting the table, you sat legs crossed on the couch, wrapped in Arthur plaid, holding a mug of hot cocoa. You were feeling a mix of excitement and pride to see your lover on this show, it was his dream after all; but you also felt scared because knew that he was certainly invited for the wrong reasons, and this was going to break him even more.   

The protest was getting stronger outside, you could hear people screaming, and chanting slogans; from time to time you were hearing firecrackers exploding, and well you hoped it was firecrackers.

 “You gotta see our next guest…” that’s Arthur! He was going to appear on TV!

 “I’m pretty sure this guy could use a doc”. You winced at his mockery, Arthur wasn’t even there that they were already making fun of him. To make things worse they showed the video again, “bastards, you’re only showing his laughter attack.” You said to the TV already irritated. Your mind goes to your lover watching this backstage…

 “Joker!” You hear Murray calling. A figure comes out dancing, that’s Arthur?! He’s spiraling, confident, shaking the hand of Murray like he sees him every day. ‘Why is he wearing his makeup?’ He has a very flashing costume similar to the one he had for Penny’s burial. You had to admit that it suit him very well, it reflected his personality.  Then he kisses the doctor, ‘wait what!?’, you can’t believe it your eyes, almost dropping your mug, it’s so passionate and…provocative, the crowd is cheering.

As he sits down, the camera zooms on his face, he is beautiful like this, he even looks younger; despite the weirdness of the situation, you can’t help but feel pride at knowing him, he is being so brave in this moment. He pauses, Murray asks him if his ok “Yeah, this is exactly how I imagined it”. You smile at this, it was his dream to be invited on the show.

 The interview starts, Murray refers to his look, Arthur cleverly answers almost mocking himself “I’m just trying to make people laugh”

 “And how’s that going for you” replies Murray mockingly making the public laugh, Arthur’s reaction was also laugh like one of those he has during a laughter attack, but it feels forced, ‘was he mocking himself?’ you wondered, slightly frowning at the scene.

 “Wanna tell us a joke?” the public is cheering “Yeaah?”  ask Arthur, you can tell he’s excited, he has a bright smile, he’s even playful as he gets out his book of jokes, now was the time to show them his talent.

 “You got a book? A book of jokes” the public his laughing, ‘fucker’ Arthur goes through the pages, he seems lost in it “Take your time got all night” another mockery from Murray.

 “Ok, here’s one, knock knock.” He’s smiling like he’s eager to hear people laugh at his joke.

 “And you had to look that up?” comments Murray, the public and guest burst into laughing, mocking him once again, you find yourself pleading for them to stop this free nastiness. The smile Arthur had since the beginning faded, his mask of confidence is cracking, he adds “I wanted to get it right”, you are starting to feel uncomfortable, how can people watch this and mock his situation.

 “Knock, knock” repeats Arthur. “Who’s there?” asks Murray.

 “It’s the police mam, your son has been hit by a drunk driver, he’s dead” Finishes Arthur, chuckling, the public is outraged, you’re surprised, you never heard this one and for once, it wasn’t funny.

 Arthur apologizes “Yeah, I’m sorry it’s just, you know it’s been a rough few weeks Murray”, he chuckles again, you can tell it’s nervous.

 “Ever since…I killed those 3 Wall Street guys” he says looking at the crowd, you froze, why is he confessing! ‘He didn’t plan on coming back home’ you start thinking, maybe all that happened is too much and he wants end it, you see it in his eye, he ‘s speaking like it’s something surreal that happened, you start bouncing your leg, ashamed that you weren’t enough to help him get through all this.

 “There’s not punchline, it’s not a joke” the public is dead silent.

 “You’re serious aren’t you, you’re telling you killed these 3 young men on the subway? And why should we believe you?” investigates Murray, ‘why aren’t they stopping the live?’ you wonder.

 “I got nothing left to lose…nothing can hurt me anymore… my life is nothing but a comedy” he said smiling, but you can tell by his eyes and the way he moves that he is suffering, not far from crying actually, you pinch your lips together, your eyes watering ‘what about me?’.

 “Let me get this straight, you think killing those guys is funny?” asks Murray.

 “I do, and I’m tired of pretending it’s not, comedy is subjective Murray, you know what they say ‘all of you, the systems that knows so much, you decide what’s right or wrong, the same way you decide what’s funne-eh! or not” You can feel Arthur growing tired of hearing about those guys, those exposed as martyrs whereas they were the criminals who abused him. You know he’s right.

 “Ok…I think, I might understand you did this to…start a movement, to become a symbol?”

 Arthur scoffed “Come on Murray, do I look like the kind of clown to start a movement? I killed those guys because they were awful” he clenches his jaw. ‘tell them Arthur, tell them what they did to you!’

 “Everybody is awful these days, it’s enough to make anyone crazy” he sounds bitter, eyes filled with hate.

“Ok, that’s it, so you’re crazy, that’s your defense? For killing 3 young men?” Arthur smiles again.

“No, they couldn’t carry a tune to save their lives” he says mockingly, somehow doing a reference how people treated him because they don’t like his jokes. The crowd gasps. Arthur lets out an exasperated moan “Oooh, why is everyone so upset about these guys. If it was me dying on the sidewalk, you’d walk right over me! I pass you everyday you don’t notice me! But these guys because, what Thomas Wayne would cry about them on TV!” He is starting to lose his temper; his eyes are wet.

 “You have problem with Thomas Wayne?” Murray keeps pushing him.

 “Yes, I do…have you seen what it’s like out there MurRAY? Do you actually leave the studio? Everybody just yells and scream at each other, nobody is civil anymore! Nobody thinks what it’s like to be the other guy…you think that men like Thomas Wayne ever think what it’s like to be someone like me? To be somebody but themselves?  They don’t!  They think we’ll just sit there and take it like good little boys! That we won’t werewolf and go wild!” Adds Arthur angrily. Despite being dead worried for him, you can’t help but nod, because it’s what’s happens every goddamn day of your life.

 “You finished? I mean there’s so much self-pity Arthur, you sound like you’re making an excuse for killing those young men, not everybody and I’ll tell you this not everyone is awful.” You huffed, probably the only smart thing Murray said today. Arthur shot him a deadly glare, squeezing his lips together, he’s was betrayed by Murray, he hated him now.

 “You’re awful Murray”

 “Me? I’m awful? Yeah and how am I awful?” was Murray so stupid that he didn’t realize the harm he’s done?!

 “Playing my video, inviting me on the show, you just wanted to make fun of me, you’re just like the rest of them.” Arthur growled, keeping eye contact with the host.

 “You don’t know the first thing about me pal, look what happened because of what you did, what it lead to, there are riots out there, two police men are in critical condition, someone was killed today”  You took a deep breath, Murray was being way too provocative right now, he shouldn’t, you feel Arthur is close to break, you feel he could do anything;  he laughs.

 “Someone was killed today because of what you did” Joker scratched the back of his head, you know he does that when he’s under strong stress.

“I know! How about another joke Murray?” ‘Shit, he’s not gonna make it’

 “What do you get, when you cross, a mentally ill loner, with a society that abandons him and treats him LIKE TRASH! I’LL TELL YOU WHAT YOU GET!” his voice broke making you tear up, “YOU GET WHAT YOU FUCKING DESERVE!”.

 Then, there’s a loud bang, it takes you several seconds to realize what just happened, he shot Murray, he’s bouncing his legs, he laughs, you understood better than anyone else how Arthur felt but why did he killed him, it’s not, it can’t be the solution! Right? He gets up and shoots him once again, this makes your blood run cold, you don’t recognize the man you love, your Arthur. He comes towards the camera, looking directly into it “Goodnight…and always remember, that’s…” the show cuts.

 You lay your head on the back of the couch, passing a hand though your hair. You feel like shit, for being the closest person to him and not having been able to protect him ‘no I wasn’t part of this, I didn’t make him like this, fuck that’s my fault’.

   You stayed in front of the TV for what seemed an eternity, everything had happened so fast, you are staring into emptiness. What now? You had just witnessed the person you cared the most about, give into madness, kill someone out of anger; this wasn’t self-defense anymore. He had become uncontrollable. You’re blaming it all on yourself, your breathing is starting to become frantic, and you feel a panic attack rising, kicking the plaid out of your shoulders, you try to calm yourself  ‘I’m not worthy of him I failed him’ it’s so hard to breath, you can only hear the heavy beats of your heart ‘why did I leave him alone, I should have skipped work, been there for him, even if he didn’t want me to’. Then a darker thought crosses your mind ‘Is he going to kill me because I didn’t see how bad he was doing? he loves me right?’ you want to say yes but your instinct is screaming the contrary ‘what if he told me to come here to make it easier for him to kill me?’

 “I have to leave.” You to say to yourself. You quickly got up, looking around. You need to pack up things you had brought here, the police doesn’t have to know.

 You hear in the background the news repeating the same thing over and over again, Arthur heartbreaking words, that he was arrested. 

 You enter the bedroom, looking for a book you gave to Penny. From the corner of your eyes you spotted one of Arthur´s cardigan, you took it in your trembling hands, burying your head in it, inhaling his scent; you burst into tears, hugging the piece of clothing. You love him so much, now you lost him. Taking the cardigan with you, tears continue to run freely as you gather your things. You go back to the living room, to get some of your clothes in the closet.  

 “What the…!” you scream, falling to the floor. In front of you lies the corpse of a man, a pair of scissors in his eye, blood everywhere, you frantically crawl away from this horror `I have to get out of here! ´, getting back up you take your bags, and run to the door. 

 As you opened the door, you came face to face with him, `shit he´s supposed to be under arrest! ´. He was panting like he ran to come here and get you, drops of sweat were prickling on his temples. The first thing you see is blood, his face covered by his own blood coming from the gash on his forehead and his mouth, the painted smile is different, darker, you realized it´s made with his blood.  He laughs openly, pupils dilated, he´s excited like a kid on a fair.  

 “Wasn´t I amazing?! Y/N come, see outside!”  He reaches for your hand, you take a few steps back, you´re searching his eyes, trying to find Arthur in this man, you´re scared, your heart beats widely. His laugh dies immediately, he doesn´t understand, why aren´t you jumping in his arms? Then, he sees the bags you’re holding, were you leaving him!?  

 “Y/N what are you doing?” he asked, his voice low and dangerous. He walks inside, closing the door and leaning on it. You were trapped.   

 “Arthur…there´s…there´s a dead body in the closet…” you say with a trembling voice, finding the strength to look at him in the eyes, he chuckles passing a hand through his green locks, marching to you.  

 “Yep, that´s Randall, I wasn´t gonna leave him the middle of the room, could have used your help to move him by way.” You couldn´t believe it. Was that the only thing that bothered him?   

 “That´s all you have to say? You can´t just kill…Arthur you can´t do that!” you whimpered frantically agitating your hands around.  

 “Oh, come on Y/N you´re freaking out, besides he deserved it” he muttered, pouting like a child being scolded. You throw your hands in the air and let out an exasperated noise, tears started to run down on your face again, this was too much to handle.

 “Just let me go please.” You pleaded softly. To this, his head abruptly shot back up.  

 “No, you´re not leaving me…you´re not leaving me!” he groaned almost shouting. He angrily took out a cigarette, lighting it and taking a quick drag. He returned his attention to you, pointing his cigarette at you.   

 “You love me don´t you?” this destabilize you, you weren’t expecting this question. Still you already knew the answer.

 “I do Arthur b…”  

 “But what? You loved me out of pity, to satisfy your need to help those beneath you? You seemed to like me recently! But no, you actually prefer poor pathetic Arthur huh!” he cut you off, losing his temper. His words hurt you, what if he was right, no he wasn’t…

 “I didn’t mean for this to happen!” you whined. If only you could fix him, bring back the man you knew. “We didn´t have much but we still had something” you add, wiping away the wetness of your face with the back of your sleeve.

 “I´m doing this for you, wouldn´t you want to be free, not struggle, have more than this?” he asserted, looking at you intensely. You don’t answer, looking at your feet, of course you would like it.

 “Don´t you want me to be happy, don´t you want us to be happy?”  he prompted irritably. You shake your head “Of course I want you to be happy, but killing like this is not…”  

 “Don´t say that, you covered me for those 3 guys remember? what did you say? `Assholes like them deserve to be shot´. The others hurt me too, I am the victim here.” His voice breaking, his eyes watery, he’s standing at arm’s length to you. You frown, you don’t know what to say, because he’s making sense…  

 “Tell me how it made you feel hmm?” he pushed, circling around you.

 “Proud…” you fretted, still not meeting his eyes.   

 “Louder Y/N” you startled at his raised voice.   

 “Proud! You were finally fighting back against the world.” You add, shivering at your own confession. You heard him chuckle as he came to stand in front of you, slightly bending to meet your lowered head.  

 “You said Randall deserved to die for what he did to me” he dramatically gesture his arms in the direction of the closet. “You did well, there’s nothing wrong with that baby…you said Murray, didn´t have the right to mock me, that you hoped something bad happened to him, wish granted…” he claimed. You don´t move, trembling, you don´t dare to look at him in the eyes, he is so right, you’re feeling angry, how could you be so blind?   

 “Don’t act so shocked, I know you liked it, this whole show your giving me, it´s a comedy, you´re just too scared to admit it, to become what you´ve always been, deep down you were like this since the beginning, you were just suppressing it.”

 He pushes you strongly against the wall, arms next to your head, blocking any chance of escape. He´s very close to you, his nose brushing against yours.    

 “Tell me you didn´t like to see me shoot Murray” He seized your chin, forcing you to meet his eyes. He’s grinning like he already knows the answer. He doesn´t need to know that right now, so you try to find as much conviction as you can.  

 “I hated it.” You dared. He chuckles darkly.   

 “Liar” He purred, leaning in to kiss you. You don´t like what he is saying about you, you feel naked. You bite his lip; licking yours, you taste his blood, salty, throwing him a dark look. He laughs “oh you, I like it when you´re wild like that, you know what they say, truth will set you free but first it will piss you off.” You answer with a sneer. His face is deadly serious.

 “Now…you made me upset Y/N, don´t you deserve to be punished?” He buries his fingers in your hair, this makes you gulp, even though you’re still scared, another feeling emerges in your chest, excitement, anticipation…it´s wrong you shouldn’t feel this…

“I do deserve it Arthur…” his grip on your hair tightens, his eyes growing darker.  

 “Arthur’s dead, call me Joker.”  

 “I deserve it…Joker” you repeat, the name feels strange on your tongue. The clown release an excited breath, he’s smiling.  

 His mouth goes to your neck, nibbling your skin, sucking it to leave hickeys; then his mouth goes right under your ear, his warm breath gives you goosebumps.  

 “I am going to fuck you. I’m going to fuck you so hard, and it’s going to hurt.” He purrs into your ear, slightly biting your ear lobe, your heartbeat increases.

       His other hand slides across your body to go between your legs, caressing you over your clothes, applying more pressure from time to time, you can already feel the need for more rising. And you want to touch him too, your hands go on his torso, he immediately pushes them away, smashing painfully your arm on the wall, blocking your hand above your head.  

 “Did I say you could touch me?” he groans, he stops touching you. The hand that was in your hair goes to your throat right below your jaw, he squeezes, not much, just enough for you to feel it, his mouth crashes against yours in a painful kiss, his tongue sucking yours. It feels good, being under his mercy, you can taste is blood again, metallic, delectable. You like his passion, his new-found confidence when he kisses you. As he run out of air, panting, his mouth a few inches from yours he orders “Face down on the couch. Now.” He’s dangerous but you want to push it, because you’re starting to like it, you want to see how far it can go, defy him, so you just smile, a sweet smile but your eyes are provocative.  

 “You’re going to regret that sweetheart.” He chuckles menacing, he yanks you on the couch with a force you never suspected.   Before you can react, you’re facing him, he’s onto you now, sitting on your hips, straddling your legs with his, holding your arms above your head with one hand, he kisses your neck again but this time hard, he stops at your most sensitive spot, making you gasp as he increases the pressure of his teeth, a sharp pain spreads in your neck as you realized he’s biting you, you moan, it hurts but you never thought you’d like it this way.  You can feel a few drops of blood coming out of the bite, then his tongue, smooth and warm, hungrily licking the liquid, soothing.

  Then, he looks at you, laughing loudly, “You like that don’t you”. You can feel blush creep on your cheeks, you want this to continue. You nod to him. Out of his pocket he takes a knife, your breathing increases, wondering what he was going to do with this knife. Still looking at you, he slowly slides the knife under your shirt, the cold of the blade making you jump. He clicks his tongue, ordering you to stay still. The blade continue its way until it reaches the top of your shirt, you feel the tip of the knife tickling your chin; in one sharp motion, Joker pushed the knife back to him, tearing up your cheap clothes. He does the same with your bra but this time he’s almost considerate like a craftsman working on his sculpture.   

 “So fucking pretty”, he flattered looking down on your exposed breast. Releasing your hands and setting the knife aside, he takes off his jacket and throws it away. Now he slowly opens each button of his shirt, taking pleasure in seeing you hypnotized, your eyes hungry. But impatience is growing in you, you want to play too. As soon as the last button is off, you quickly sat back, taking him by surprise, yanking him beneath you, kissing him hard and messy, caressing his naked torso.   

 You lift your head looking at him in the eyes, you can tell he’s intrigued. Your hand comes to slowly caress his cheek, a small grin appears on your face as you think about what you’re about to do. Then, you slap him with all the strength you have, he groans ready to return the favor “That´s for pushing me out the other day” you cooed, finishing with a grin. He burst into laughing, you shut him up by smashing your lips against his, his moans muffled in your mouth.

Taking advantage that you´re distracted, he makes the both of you tumble off the couch, your back and head landing hard on the floor, his hands go to your pants, taking it off, you help him by lifting your hips and pushing the clothes out of your legs. You can feel his erection hard against his fabric rubbing along your spot. His hand slides along your body to arrive to clit, he’s being teasing circling around your lips, alternating the pace but never going directly to your soft spot, gosh you hate him right now, you can’t help but move your hips to lead to more satisfaction. “shush, don’t think that I’ll give you satisfaction just yet…”

His mouth goes to your jaw, your chin and never to your mouth, your craving for him to kiss you, feeling his tongue play with yours. He gradually increases his attention between your legs, finally taking care of your sweet spot, even sliding fingers in your wet pussy. You can feel yourself coming close, closing your eyes, your whole-body trembling. But then Joker stops his marvelous work, your body twitches, looking for more, you were so close. He giggles at your state.

“I’m going to remind you exactly who you belong to”. He whispers, nibbling your nipples, sucking them, tightening his teeth around their tip. 

 “Then mark me” you find yourself asking, panting. You were always his, time to make it official. You see him reach for the knife, planting kisses on your chest, he chooses the area below your left breast. As he applies pressure, you feel the blade piercing your skin, slowly sliding like dancing on your body, he is carving his name in your flesh, you close your eyes, biting your lip, the soft burning is relieving, forgetting your frustration. Your mind follow your senses, first the J, then O, K is making you wince a little, more painful, E, finally R, you release a shaky breath, satisfied by the sensations it gives you.  

The clown collects some of the dripping blood on his fingers, licking them with his tongue, then putting them in his mouth, tasting you one more time, closing his eyes in delight. His fingers dance once again on your sensitive marks, almost burning.  He accumulates more blood on his thumbs, and lay them on the corners of your mouth, painting a smile on your face. You want to kiss him so bad, you straighten yourself to reach his lips, griping his hair roughly. But this time the kiss is tender and longing.  

  “Scar me; I am yours as much as your mine.”  He asks you against your lips, his pupils dilated, he’s looking at you intensely, determined and serious.       

  You position yourself to be sitting on his lap, you take the blade, his hands are resting on your hips, caressing your butt cheeks, you brush your lips against his torso, posing wet kisses on his collarbone, yes, the perfect spot. Gently you engrave your name, he closes his eyes, rejecting his head back, softly moaning your name. It looks perfect, your name on his skin, until the end.

When you’re finished, he lays you down, a devilish smile appearing on his lips. Unbuttoning his pants, he lets out his throbbing erection, you gulp in anticipation. In a sharp movement of his hips, he penetrates you, making you gasp of pleasure, your frustration surging back.  

Then, his hands are in your hair, yanking them so tightly. You arch your back underneath him. He gets hold of your bottom lip and bites it, hard; you drag your nails even deeper in his shoulder blades, trying to leave marks for him to wince tomorrow. His thrusts inside of you are fast, hard, violent, his breath coming in big ragged gasps. You wrap your legs around him, gripping his hair, pushing him further and deeper into you, you bite his lobe as you breathe and moan of pleasure in his ear.   

“You belong to me you get it?” he groans, his voice husky, reinforcing his statement by rough thrust, making you cry out.

“Y…yes Joker…” you manage to articulate, you were coming close again, this time he doesn’t stop, increasing his speed, his fingers gripping your thighs.

 “I’m gonna come, fuck…” he moans is head buried in the rook of your neck, muffling his groans of pleasure, you reach climax before him already overstimulated, your body jolting, he follows you a few seconds after, breathless, he collapses on you, his head resting on your breast. The both of you are laying like that for a couple of minutes, trying to gain back your senses. ‘Well that was something’ is the first thing that comes to your mind, making you giggle, you kiss the top of his head.

“We can’t stay here…” you say after a while. His answer comes out as a sleepy groan, you smile, he already had a plan, for the first time you felt free, free of the world, of your own rules, and happy.

[rosemary-morgan]

Josiah Trelawny X F.Reader: You deserve better - Part 9

(pictures found on pinterest)

Summary: As happiness begins to grow between you and Josiah, fate seems to be turning against you, bringing back old demons who are meant to destroy your happiness once and for all...

Warning: Violence! domestic violence! angst! strong language!

@gangofgunslingers  @lusus–naturae @smollittleflower @justcallmesweets @lostinthemiddleofnowhereofmymind @javiersponcho

If any of you wants to be tagged so as not to miss the latest chapters, let me know 😉

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 /Part 5/Part 6/Part 7 /Part 8

(¯`v´¯)                                                      (¯`v´¯) `*.¸.*´                                                        `*.¸.*´ ¸.•´¸.•*¨) ¸.•*¨) (`’·.¸(`’·.¸  ¸.·’´) ¸.·’´)  (¨*•.¸ (¨*•.¸`•.¸ (¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•               •`¯¨• ¸¸ `•. `•.¸) `•.¸) `*.¸.*´                                                       `*.¸.*´

You deserve better - Part 9 

  "And? Does the soup need more salt?" You let the soup melt on your tongue that Josiah was cooking, and a satisfied sigh came from your lips. The soup was perfect. "No. The soup tastes great!" Of course, Josiah was happy that you liked his vegetable soup. Josiah was a great cook, and he enjoyed spoiling you with his skills. "Thank you, my dear." You kissed the attractive magician on the cheek before you started placing plates and cutlery on the dining table. "I heard there will be a new show at the theater tonight!" Said Josiah, stirring the soup in the pot. "Oh? That sounds great, Josiah. What is it about?" "I don't know, darling. It's a secret. They probably want to surprise the audience." And Josiah would love to take you to the theater. He knew how much you loved a good show. As he hadn't expected otherwise, you agree to go to the theater with him tonight. But your peace shouldn´t last long...

There was a knock on the door. Josiah wasn't expecting anyone, and you got a little nervous even if you tried to hide it. Your fear of Henry was omnipresent. You often woke up at night by the tiniest noise because you thought your husband might be in this house. Josiah noticed that you got suddenly very tense. He walked over to you, gently stroking your arms up and down, looking at you with a smile. "It's okay, darling. Don´t be afraid." You nodded, taking a deep breath, and tried to calm yourself down. With great difficulty, you managed to smile at him. "I'll see who it is." Josiah left the small kitchen to check on the uninvited guest. When Josiah opened the door, he looked surprised at Arthur's face. He hadn't expected him. "Arthur?" "Josiah, I need to talk to you!" Josiah got a little nervous. It wasn't good that Arthur was here. The magician glanced over his shoulders, wanting to make sure you weren't behind him. "Arthur, this isn´t the right moment!" "But you should listen to me!" Arthur was worried about his friend. Dutch was slowly becoming crazy, and Arthur wanted Josiah to know about this. Josiah sighed softly and wasn't sure if he could spend a few minutes with Arthur. The magician wanted to prevent you from knowing about his dark secret. But in the end, he decided to listen to Arthur. He stepped out, closing the door behind him. "What is going on, dear boy?" Arthur sighed softly before starting to tell Josiah about Dutch's strange behavior. "Listen, Josiah! Dutch doesn't trust you!" "What do you mean?" Josiah laughed softly. "Nobody trusts me, dear boy!" It was meant as a joke, but Arthur wasn't kidding. The situation was serious. The young man rolled his eyes, sighing. "Josiah! I'm serious! Dutch wants me to keep an eye on you! In case you are going to betray us!" "Excuse me?!" When Josiah heard that, the grin on his face faded. Did he understand that correctly? So Dutch wanted to know exactly where he was when he wasn't in the camp? His private life was none of Dutch's business! "It's ridiculous, I know, Josiah. You need to get out of here! Leave this town! I have no idea what's going on with Dutch. But... he is not himself." The magician sighed heavily, looking down as Arthur continued to speak. Josiah shook his head as more details came out. "Dutch van der Linde is completely paranoid! Betraying him? Has he forgotten what happened in Rhodes?!" "He forgot. But I didn't, Josiah. That's why I came!" And Josiah appreciated that. Dutch's behavior had been really strange lately. "Dutch knows how to manipulate people, dear boy." The magician looked Arthur in the eye, placing his hand on his shoulder. "Be careful, my friend. Dutch is not the man you think he is. His words are like honey, but poisonous like snake venom!" "I'm afraid you're right, Mister Trelawny." "Thank you, my friend. For the message." Arthur just nodded, also placing a hand on Josiah's shoulder. He had to admit that he distrusted Josiah once, but the events in Rhodes had shown him that the magician was a loyal man. "I will probably leave you forever, dear boy." And to be honest, it was a relief to Josiah. He's been traveling around the country with the gang for a long time, but he wouldn't throw his life away for Dutch. Something other than Tahiti was waiting for him! A beautiful woman was waiting for him, who loved him more than anything. The magician didn't need more. "I'm not going to sacrifice my life to Dutch! Reality is waiting for me, Arthur! It's time to leave Dutch van der Linde!" "I know..." Arthur murmured, looking a little sad on the ground. He wished he had the same thing that Josiah and John had. A woman. A good woman by his side. "Farewell, Josiah." "I will miss you, Arthur. You had been a fine friend to me." "Oh, don't get sentimental now," said Arthur, chuckling softly. He looked into the magician's eyes, nodding softly. "Take good care of your girl." "I will! Thank you, Arthur."

Josiah saw Arthur slowly disappear from his sight. He was a good man. He had saved his life several times. "Farewell, my friend," said Josiah softly before entering his home again. He went back to his kitchen, happy to have you by his side. Suddenly, life looked so much brighter! "Forgive me, darling! I didn't want to keep you waiting. A good friend of mine came by spontaneously." You looked at him - with a somewhat uncertain expression that made Josiah's smile fade. "And why didn´t you asked your good friend to come in?" Your voice sounded a little brittle, and Josiah was visibly confused. What was wrong with you all of a sudden? "I uhm... he just wanted to tell me something important." You nodded when he said that, placing your hands on the chair as you swallowed hard and your eyes filled with tears. You had heard everything. It wasn't your intention, but you wanted to see if everything was okay since Josiah hadn't returned. At first, you thought everything was fine, but when the name Dutch van der Linde came up you became curious. Everyone knows about Dutch van der Linde and his gang. It wasn't right to overhear him, that's right, but you were glad you did. God! You felt so betrayed! Your heart tightened painfully in your chest. How could he lie to you like that? He was a member of one of the most dangerous organizations in this country! The gang of Dutch Van der Linde! You got very nervous when you thought about it. "Y/N?" Your disappointed and sad expression hit Josiah hard. And the magician sensed that you might have heard some of his conversation with Arthur. "Darling? What is going on?" He approached you carefully, but you took a few steps back, looking at him in fear. "Don't come closer, Josiah!" Your words felt like strong punches. His fears came true. So you had learned the truth about him and his life? The magician glanced down and didn't know what to say at the moment. What had he thought? That he could hide this side of his life from you forever? "You are a member of the Van der Linde Gang?! Josiah! Tell me that isn´t true!" You pleaded to him to tell you that your accusations were wrong! But his silence confirmed your words. You burst into tears, and Josiah bit his jaw hard, closing his eyes. Damn it! This wasn't planned that way! "Y/N... let me explain...!" "What are you going to explain to me, Josiah?!" You asked, sobbing softly. There were so much fear and pain in your eyes. My God, it brokes Josiah's heart! You didn't know what to say about this situation. You were so shocked! Had you been so wrong about him? But this love between you both... was it real? This relationship couldn't be based on lies! "I... I'm so sorry, darling! I didn't know how to tell you!" Josiah knew that he couldn't save this situation by words alone, but at least he wanted to try. When the magician approached you, you instinctively moved away from him, and that almost killed Josiah. "Y/N?" Were you afraid of him? But, no! He was still the man who loves you! He would never hurt you! But the look on your face, fearful and intimidated, shocked him. "Y/N, please! I'm still the man who loves you." But you only stared at the ground, sobbing softly and crossing your arms tightly. You felt so helpless at the moment. "I need to be alone now, Josiah." "Y/N... Y/N, please..." And without saying another word, you left the kitchen in a hurry. Josiah looked after you, and there was clearly pain and sadness on his face. He had never wanted you to be afraid of him. How could he ever do anything to you? You had every right to be angry with him. But he had never wanted to see that tremendous fear in your eyes. "Shit..." Josiah leaned against the table, sighing desperately. Was it the end of your relationship? Josiah didn't want to believe that, and he would fight for you! The love between you was something real and wonderful. It couldn't just end like this! But Josiah knew that for the moment it was best to leave you alone. He would respect your wish and leave you alone. You were a wonderful woman. Full of passion and love. Through you, he becomes a better person. Should your story end because of his lies? "I'm such a fool!"

When the door closed behind you, you burst into tears again. Have you been so wrong about this man? Who was this man? You felt betrayed, and suddenly very vulnerable. You had to admit that it scared you not to know who Josiah Trelawny really was. This whole situation reminded you very much of Henry. You also fell in love with him back then, letting yourself be hypnotized by sweet words and by his polite manner. What if Josiah also had this dark side in his soul? "Oh god, no..." You sighed heavily, placing your hands on your face, and tried to calm yourself down. You didn't want to believe that! Josiah would never be able to hurt you! "No... no, never!" With a sigh you stroke through your hair as you sit on the bed you share with Josiah. You needed a clear mind. Of course, you asked yourself why he lied to you. Why had he been hiding from you who he really was? When evening came, you were still in the bedroom. You hadn't shown up to Josiah, and he was seriously worried. The attractive magician had tried to speak to you several times, but you never answered him when he knocked on the door. Josiah was completely lost in thought as he sat in the living room. What should he do now? Would you ever be able to forgive him? "Y/N..." God, was this really the end of your relationship? Josiah sighed, stroking his hair as he closed his eyes. It would probably be best if he spent the next few nights on this couch. He was sure, that you wouldn’t tolerate his presence...

Two days passed, and in those days you shared only a few words. Josiah had apologized to you several times, but the truth about him still seemed to bother you. Josiah didn't blame you for that, but he missed you. He longed for your tenderness, for your love and sweetness. But like in the last nights before, you both lie down in separate beds.

Your thoughts were still circling about this situation. There were so many unanswered questions, and you were worried about how it will go on between you. You loved Josiah so much, and you won´t leave him. You knew he would never hurt you, but still, the perfect picture you had of him was destroyed - by his secret. Maybe it wasn't fair to judge him so hard. After all, you also had lied to him, and yet Josiah had forgiven you. You sighed softly, as you turned around in bed, looking at the empty place next to you. You needed Josiah's and you missed him. Maybe it was time to talk to him. He deserved a chance to explain his situation. Even though it was late in the evening, but you would not find any peace as long as this negative tension existed between you. You got up from the bed and took out the black silk robe from the closet. After leaving the bedroom, you thought about the good times you had shared with Josiah. He had always treated you with respect. It was dark in the corridor, so you assumed that Josiah was already asleep. This conversation would also have to wait until tomorrow since you didn't want to disturb him. You sighed softly as you turned to go back to the bedroom, but suddenly you felt two strong arms wrapping around your torso. You let out a frightened scream, but your voice was softened when the stranger pressed his hand on your mouth. You panicked because you didn't know who this stranger was. Nevertheless, you could feel that this was a male person. But you quickly realized who this stranger was. You recognized his aftershave immediately, and pure panic overcomes you. "Hello, my sweet! Did you missed me?" Henry! It was Herny! So he had found you, and you knew that your life was in danger. You were terrified, and you disliked the closeness to this man. Suddenly, another thought sneaked into your mind. Where was Josiah? Was he okay? You were worried about him because you knew what Henry was capable of. You tried to get out of his grip, but Henry was too strong. "Mhmhmm!" "Schhtt, schhtt! Calm down!" But you didn't even think about staying calm! You would never go back to the hell you lived in. The next moment you bit his fingers, and he immediately removed his hand from your mouth. "JOSIAH!!!" You screamed as loud as you could, hoping that Josiah would hear you. "JOS...! MHMHM!!" "You filfthy slut! Still as stubborn as a donkey! But I'll take care of that!" You angered Herny, but he would show you the consequences another time. Herny was going to demonstrate something to you, and he was especially looking forward to it. He dragged you through the dark hallway, heading for the living room. "I´ll take you to your fancy lover! He's in good hands!" When you heard that, you fear the worst! You only fought harder, but you couldn't get rid of Henry. Your heart was beating wildly, panic was written on your face. "You will come back to me! You are my wife!" You heard laughter coming from the living room, then you heard soft moans. It sounded painful, and that gave you a terrible stomachache. Henry dragged you into the living room, and although there wasn´t much light, you were able to see Josiah. He was lying on the floor - badly hurt. When you saw that, you tried to scream, but Henry was still covering your mouth, laughing softly. Your ex-husband hadn't come alone. "Do you see what you've done, Y/N? Mister Trelawny is injured because of you!" You closed your eyes, trying to escape this horrible sight. It hurt you deeply to see Josiah in this condition. When Henry removed his hand from your mouth, he grinned contentedly. He heard you whimper and sobbing, and he enjoyed this very much. He wanted to see you suffer. But that was just the beginning. You had no idea what this man was going to do to you. He would make you pay for cheating on him! "Let me go, you pig! JOSIAH!" You called for the magician, tried to get to him, but Henry didn't allow that. You had to stand by and watch Josiah being beaten by two strangers. "Don't touch him! NOOOO!" Henry turned you around, looking deep into your eyes. "You bastard!" You spat in Herny's face, and you didn't care about the consequences. Henry roughly reached into your hair, pulled your head back so that you gasped in pain. "I'm going to beat this stubborn and rebellious manner out of you, whore!" "Go to hell, Henry! You dirty piece of shit! I HATE YOU!" Henry slapped you, causing you to fall the floor, and you become very dizzy. Josiah heard what was happening, even as he was about to lose consciousness. Herny's men had beaten him hard, but that didn't stop the magician from protecting you. At least he hoped he could do something for you. But it was hopeless. "Y/N..." One of the men kicked Josiah hard in the ribs as he tried to stand up. Josiah collapsed, moaning painfully.

You heard Josiah's voice, but it sounded like he was far away from you. You blinked in confusion, tried to see something in this dim light when you were suddenly pulled back on your feet and dragged in Josiah's direction. "You know what, Mister Trelawyn? I have no intention of killing you. No!" Josiah looked up at your tormentor, his eyes full of contempt and hatred for this man. The man who tortured and hurt you. The magician regretted not having killed Henry when he had the opportunity. Now you both had to pay for this mistake. "I want you to know that Y/N is my property!" Henry pulled you tight to his chest, his arm wrapped around your shoulders, he nestled his nose into your fragrant hair. When you heard Henry gasping into your ear, you whimper softly. His closeness, his fragrance, his voice - all of this was unbearable for you! "I want you to know, that I'll be the first thing she sees when she wakes up in the morning." "No..." you whispered desperately. These thoughts were terrible and disturbing. Why did this all happen? That was not fair! Henry roughly grabbed your chin, turning your face to kiss you. Henry wanted to make it clear to Josiah who ultimately won this fight. Josiah closed his eyes, swallowing hard, unable to bear the fact that this swine was kissing you. You turned your face away from Herny when his rough lips touched yours, whimpering desperately. Your body trembled, and you were afraid, knowing there was no way out. "Do you know what I'm going to do with your whore, Trelawny?" You heard your pulse beating loudly, your trembling breath, and you heard your own blood rushing through your ears. The fear had you under control. The fear of hearing the words that will come out of Henry's mouth. "I will let her bleed. For her betrayal and adultery. She will seek death, but she won´t find it!" "STOP IT, YOU ANIMAL!" "She belongs to me! Her body belongs to me! Her sweet lips belong to me!" "I... haahh ...will find you, Herny! I will find you! And then pray to God for mercy... arghh...!" It was terrible pain that tormented Josiah. He already spat blood with every cough. "Teach that fancy boy a lesson! Make sure that he won´t forget this night!" "NO! JOSIAH! NOOOO!" The men knocked Josiah down, beating him again and again. You were terrified to see how they tortured Josiah. "YOU´RE A MONSTER! MONSTER!!!"

You started kicking Henry, hitting on his head with your fists, punching Henry several times in the face, and even leaving deep scratches on his skin. You even manage to get out of his grip, and you run to Josiah. You jumped on the back of the man who tortured Josiah, trying everything to prevent him from doing more harm to your loved one. But unfortunately, your attempt wasn´t very successful. Josiah's tormentor threw you to the ground with little effort. You landed on the floor with a loud rumble, but you didn't felt any pain. Fear and anger made you insensitive in this situation. But there was nothing you could do for Josiah. Everything was already lost. "Come here, you little beast!" Henry suddenly stood by you, grabbing your arm, and dragged you to your feet. "Time to go home!" "No! Let me go! LET ME GO!" Josiah knew what Henry is going to do with you, and he couldn't bear this thought. He was calling desperately for you, but Henry was taken you away from him. He heard your cries, your screams, and it tore his heart into thousands of pieces. The kicks and punches that these two men caused on him were barely noticeable. His body was numb from pain, and eventually, he faints...

(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´

"You dirty whore!" Henry insulted you, shouted at you while he dragged you along the corridor. You were still trying to fight back, but Henry held you tight, and your left arm was completely numb. When he entered the living room, he throws you on the floor, and you looked up at him with an expression of hate and fear. You saw how angry this man was. His face and neck were flushed, his carotid artery throbbed, and you knew that Henry would beat you to the point of unconsciousness. As he got closer to you, you immediately rose from the floor and backed away, even if you knew there was no way out of this situation. "I was waiting for this moment, Y/N! I will tear your heart out of your chest! You will bleed for your unfaithfulness, you whore!" "YOU SICK BASTARD!" Henry slapped your face, causing you to scream in pain when his big hand landed on your cheek. "If you act like a rebellious whore, I'll treat you like one!" Henry gripped the back of your neck, forcing you to follow him. You looked with fear at the stairs that would lead you up to the bedroom, and immediately you began to wrench, trying everything to escape from his firm grip. "NO!" "Move! Come on!" Henry had to admit that you were very stubborn, and he had problems taming you. It only made his angrier, and he would enjoy punishing you. He will show you once and for all, that you were his wife! You belonged to him, and no other man would ever own you! "You won´t escape me, Y/N!" When Henry climbed the stairs, you managed to free yourself from his grip, trying to escape this demon. But you didn't get far, and Herny lost his patience with you. When he reached for your arm, you looked at him with fear. "No! Don´t touch me!" Suddenly, he punched you in the face, and you instantly lose your equilibrium. Herny did the rest - he pushed you down the stairs. Screaming, you rolled them down, feeling how you painfully hit each stair one by one, and when you eventually landed on the floor, everything becomes black...

Henry looked down at you with a cold expression. He was satisfied that you were finally still, and he smiled down at you. He felt strong because he had finally regained control of you. ..

[yukikorogashi]

-hockey slapshots these into the box an nervously skates away- 💞💖💘💕

Positivity meme (No Longer Accepting)

Send 💞 and my muses will say something nice about your muse

   “When ah first arrived ‘ere, ah rea-leh wasn’ sure what ta expect, y’know?” Sure, she was young, but Itsuki had seen far more than anyone her age ever should have. And that most certainly included PREJUDICE, by the likes of those that had never crossed paths with one such as her. “Durin’ mah first few days, ah did ‘ave a couple folks jus’ wavin’ me off lahk ah hadn’t bathed in weeks, ehehe...” She would of course try to play it off as if it was no big deal, but eventually her eyes would slowly drift down towards her feet in a silent sigh, “... and then thar were a couple dat... weren’t much nicer... BUT!” A little too suddenly, Itsuki would raise her head and puff up her chest, as well as her cheeks, in an upset little pout, ���Ah didn’ let em’ push me around!” Before it all deflated like a ballon, “Though... it did get a lil’ tirin’ dealin’ wit’ dat sorta thing... well, dat was until ah met em’.”

   A WARM SMILE would begin to form upon her lips then, as Itsuki would lift her eyes back up. Almost as if she was thanking the heavens themselves then, as her little hands clasped themselves together in pleasant reminiscence. “ARTHUR BRO was so nice ta me, when we first met. Worryin’ ‘bout me, an’ makin’ sure he dropped me off somewhere safer, before he headed on off to deal wit’ his own thing... But then, ahhhh... got ta meet his FAMILY. Well, they call it a GANG, but ah mean-- if ya saw ‘ow erry one treats one anothah, y’ll know what ah mean. An’ uhf heard-a ‘bout what their gang does... they are this land’s ISHIKAWA GOEMON, ain’t they? An’ dat’s so awesome! Takin’ frum da rich... but only so they could help those in need!” 

   Itsuki would give a little CLAP then, as her smile would only continue to grow, “When ah finally got ta see the camp, oh-- JOHN BRO... ehehe, ah thought those two were BROTHERS!” A titter would escape her then, as she remembered the few times she had seen those two interact with one another. How those two fully grown men would at times act like they were around the same age as she was. “But, jus’ lahk ARTHUR BRO... JOHN BRO was so quick to welcome me in, an’ even treat me lahk ah was his very own. He has a BEAUTIFUL WIFE, an’ da SWEETEST SON, who is jus’ so dang smart! An’ uhf always loved gettin’ ta hang wit’ them when ah could... An’ again, it... rea-leh felt lahk ah belonged, y’know? Lahk ah rea-leh was a part of it all... ‘specially when JOHN BRO was always thar ta watch o’er me.” As subtle as he would try to stay at times so not to make her nervous, Itsuki had noticed when he had begun to keep her away from certain folks, especially within their own camp, “Uhm jus’... so grateful, rea-leh. Gettin’ ta meet with such GOOD FOLKS lahk dem, aftah erry thin’... rea-leh reminds me dat if ya look hard enough, thar’s ALWAYS gonna be GEMS lahk him an’ da others around.”

Send 💖 and my muses will say something nice about you, the mun

   FROM THE VERY MOMENT he had entered her line of sight, so would he be greeted with the MOST POWERFUL EMBRACE that she could possibly muster. The little one jumping with so much joy, that one could have sworn that she had known him for all her life, “Hiya, CHASE BRO! It’s so nice ta finalleh meetcha!” She would pull back then, and perhaps offer a much too vigorous handshake-- with both her hands. “Yer a mighty strong fella, ain’t cha? Dem photos don’t do ya aneh justice, dat’s fer sure, ehehe!!! Ah bet ya can lift 20 BALES A HAY if ya wanted ta! ... ‘Fact, ya should put dat to da test one-a these days an’ drop by our lil’ village, whadya say, bro?”

   With that said, Itsuki would gesture for the bro to take a walk with her. A little skip in her own step, as she continued to take in every little detail about him, instead of looking down towards the road ahead of them, “Da sis says yer one-a da NICEST DANG FOLKS she’d evah met, in a good long time. An’ ah thank ya... fer treatin’ her as kindleh as ya ‘ave, bro! Ohhh, ah can see it m’self! Ehehe, ah know these kinda things, y’know? An’ uhf gotta GREAT FEELIN’ ‘bout ya, too! Yer jus’ lahk mah other bros. All cool an’ tough lookin’ on the outside, but reeaaal sweet an’ selfless to those in yer life... Yer a wonderful soul, bro. An’ uhm gonna make sure ah let mah GODDESS know dat yer deserve all da BLESSINGS!”

Send 💘 and the mun will say something nice about your muse

   MR MARSTON...? The pleasure’s all mine, sir. And, oh my goodness-- lemme tell you, getting to interact with you over these past months really takes me back. It really does. I remembered when I had first played Red Dead Redemption 1 (Grabbed my brother’s copy when he wasn’t looking, and most definitely didn’t regret it, hehe!), and goodness what an experience it all was! Ehehe, I just love your ATTITUDE, John. How you go from being a gentleman (Don’t you think I haven’t see the mannerly way you speak to MS MACFARLANE, good sir!) to how firmly you stand your ground and effectively RETURN FIRE, when it comes to those jerks that are dumb enough to even mess with you. And of course, I know that’s putting it way too nicely, when considering just how much you had to go through. You’re a badass, to say the least. And it’s honestly thanks to you that I started addressing even strangers by “Friend” as well. Only because you just made it so effortlessly cool of course, haha! 

   Say hi to your wife and son for me, alright? And Uncle too, of course! Haha! Truly, after all you have been through? You guys deserve a happy and peaceful life... We’ve all made mistakes in our lives, some worst than others, of course... But there’s no denying what a GOOD MAN you are, Mr Marston. Especially with how hard you are trying to make things right, and the fact that you only want to look out now for the ones that you love.

Send 💕 and the mun will say something nice about you, the mun

   This section is the toughest one for me, but ONLY because we have already been PELTING ONE ANOTHER with all the compliments in the world and then some. But, here goes, and I hope you don’t mind the same record starting to play through here, ahaha! But seriously, Chase. As you have said to me, meeting and befriending you was one of the major highlights of 2020. You are just such an INCREDIBLY WARM, SWEET AND FRIENDLY SOUL, and honestly it wasn’t surprising just how easily we hit it off, from that very first interaction we got to have with one another. It only took me a moment to follow you (And it only took longer simply because I was trying to tidy up my own blog so that you wouldn’t get turned off, LOL!), because I was so quickly won over by what I saw from you IC and OOC. It’s so clear how much thought you put in everything that you do, and that also includes making sure your writing partners know how enthusiastic you are about your threads with them, as well as offering up that priceless HAND IN FRIENDSHIP to them. 

   You have honestly blown me away, so, so many times with your kindness. Besides donating to me several times, I can’t tell you how much it means to me when it comes to how considerate, understanding and caring you are as well towards me. With how sickly I am, I feel absolutely awful that it only allows me 5% of my energy and time getting to hang out and chill with friends... even though I wish I could do so, so much for that. So you constantly being so KIND AND UNDERSTANDING when I had to reschedule means so much to me, and the fact that you have just been so excited to call me too, like... oh gosh. ;; And of course, that first call we had was a blast! Personally I was the one worried that I would come off super low energy, with very little to contribute-- but wow, we ended up talking till 4am, didn’t we? And I know we will have so many other things to discuss and fanboy/fangirl about in due time!

   Just... wow, Chase. You truly amaze me, okay? With all that you have been through in life as well, those things have never stopped you from continuing to be the sweet and wonderful dude that you are today. And I can’t thank you enough, for offering me your hand in friendship, that very day. You have truly done so much for me, that I don’t think I will ever find the perfect way to thank you all for it, but I sure as heck am gonna try, lol! But truly.... thank you, bud. Thank you for being your incredible self, okay? MUACK!!!

[uneven-odds]

get in my business / get to know me.

I got asked by @promisedmistake to do this, thanks love <3

The meaning behind my url: just words I liked a few years ago. There is no meaning behind it. 

A picture of me: Find it at the end of this post. 

How many tattoos i have and what they are: None.

Last time i cried and why: Yesterday because I felt down and empty.

Piercings i have: None.

Favorite band: Walking on Cars

Biggest turn offs: disrespect, homophobia, racism.

Top 5 current favorite songs: 1. Sign of the times by Harry Styles, 2. So far by Olafur Arnalds and Arno Dan, 3. Sun comes up by Rudimental ft James Arthur, 4.Somebody else by 1975, 5. Save by Tyler Joseph

Tattoos i want: A quote from the tv show Hannibal 

Biggest turn ons: humor, that´s it. Just be funny and I will probably like you. 

Age: 22.

Ideas of a perfect date: Talking about everything and nothing while drinking coffee or tea

Life goal: To be happy and satisfy with myself and my life

Piercings i want: None.

Relationship status: Sleeping diagonally in my bed

Favorite movie: The Great Gatsby

A fact about my life: Everything is messed up 

Phobia: Spiders. I fucking hate them. 

Middle name: Luise

Height: 5′3″.

Are you a virgin? - No.

What’s your shoe size? - 39/40

What’s your sexual orientation? - Heterosexual.

Do you smoke, drink, or take any drugs? - I drink sometimes

Someone you miss: An old friend of mine

What’s one thing you regret? - Something I should have done.

First celebrity you think of when someone says attractive: Hugh Dancy.

Favorite ice cream? - Strawberry

One insecurity: Everything about me 

What my last text message says: “This Madancy feels, I can´t”

Have you ever taken a picture naked? - Yes, a really long time ago 

Have you ever painted your room? - Yes..

Have you ever kissed a member of the same sex? - Yes.

Have you ever slept naked? - Yes.

Have you ever danced in front of your mirror? - Yes.

Have you ever had a crush? - Yes.

Have you ever been dumped? - Yep.

Have you ever stole money from a friend? - No.

Have you ever gotten in a car with people you just met? - Yas.

Have you ever been in a fist fight? - Not really.

Have you ever snuck out of your house? - Yes.

Have you ever had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back? - Yes...

Have you ever been arrested? - No.

Have you ever made out with a stranger? - Nope.

Have you ever met up with a member of the opposite sex somewhere? - Yes.

Have you ever left your house without telling your parents? - Did that.

Have you ever had a crush on your neighbor? - I don´t think so...oh well nevermind

Have you ever ditched school to do something more fun? - Often.

Have you ever slept in a bed with a member of the same sex? - Yes.

Have you ever seen someone die? - No.

Have you ever been on a plane? - Yes and I kinda hate it but sometimes there is no other way for me ...like  next monday. But I´m kinda excited.

Have you ever kissed a picture? - Yes.

Have you ever slept in until 3? - Yes

Have you ever love someone or miss someone right now? - Yas.

Have you ever laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by? - I did that.

Have you ever made a snow angel? - Yes

Have you ever played dress up? - Yes.

Have you ever cheated while playing a game? - Who didn´t? 

Have you ever been lonely? - Yes.

Have you ever fallen asleep at work/school? - Nope

Have you ever been to a club? - Yes and I hated it

Have you ever felt an earthquake? - No

Have you ever touched a snake? - Yes.

Have you ever ran a red light? - Yes

Have you ever been suspended from school? - No.

Have you ever had detention? - No

Have you ever been in a car accident? - Nope

Have you ever hated the way you look? - Every day.

Have you ever witnessed a crime? - Nope

Have you ever pole danced? - No

Have you ever been lost? - Yes

Have you ever been to the opposite side of the country? - Yes

Have you ever felt like dying? - YEEEES

Have you ever cried yourself to sleep? - Yes

Have you ever sang karaoke? - Yes

Have you ever done something you told yourself you wouldn’t? - like every day

Have you ever laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose? - nope.

Have you ever slept with someone at least 5 years older or younger? - Yes, he was 6 years older than me 

Have you ever kissed in the rain? - Yes.

Have you ever sang in the shower? - Yas

Have you ever made out in a park? - I can´t remember 

Have you ever dream that you married someone? - Yes, I married my ex-boyfriend. That was so weird.

Have you ever glued your hand to something? - Yeah

Have you ever got your tongue stuck to a flag pole? - No

Have you ever ever gone to school partially naked? - Nope

Have you ever been a cheerleader? - Nope

Have you ever sat on a roof top? - not yet

Have you ever brush your teeth? - Is this still cool? Man I got old...But YES I do it every day

Have you ever ever too scared to watch scary movies alone? - Oh hell yeah

Have you ever played chicken? - nope

Have you ever been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? - Yes

Have you ever been told you’re hot by a complete stranger? - Oh hell no

Have you ever broken a bone? - Yes

Have you ever been easily amused? - Yes

Have you ever laughed so hard you cried? - Yas

Have you ever mooned/flashed someone? - ehh..I guess?

Have you ever cheated on a test? - Yes

Have you ever forgotten someone’s name? - Yes

Have you ever met someone who didn’t seem real? - No

100. Give us one thing about you that no one knows. - I need to read something before I can fall asleep

And here is a picture of me. (Yeah it´s old but it´s the only one I found rn)

[cynthiajayusa]

‘Widows’ Star Viola Davis Talks LGBTQ Evolution

Viola Davis taps my hand when she really means what she says. Each time the actress reaches over to make contact, the big bar in the big skyscraper in big Chicago where we are sitting diminishes. She has a way of making any space feel intimate.

The first black actor to win an Oscar, Emmy and a Tony for acting, Davis is seated diagonally from me at a larger-than-we-need table more suited for a family’s Thanksgiving gathering than a conversation between two people. She is striking in a baby-blue pantsuit and a gorgeous, billowing afro, owning the space she occupies much like the way she owns the screen, having granted vulnerability and humanity to some of TV, theater and film’s most unforgettable women for three decades.

Her knack for investigating the deepest human depths of her characters is best illustrated in a single scene, as a loving, anguished mother in 2008’s Doubt, her indelible breakthrough. Later, she starred as Aibileen Clark in The Help (she previously played another maid in gay director Todd Haynes’ 2002 film Far From Heaven), and in Suicide Squad and Fences, which won her an Oscar. And as criminal defense attorney Annalise Keating on ABC’s hit drama How to Get Away with Murder, she is a mighty force.

Davis’s signature resilience once again pervades tenacious crime-boss Veronica Rawlins in 12 Years a Slave and in director Steve McQueen’s socially charged action-thriller Widows, notably featuring a lead cast mostly comprised of actresses of color.

After spending the early years of her career not recognizing her power even though we did, Davis, 53, does now, she tells me. The obvious question: “Do gay men feel compelled to bow down to you?” I ask, moments into the candid conversation that awaits us, which has Davis reflecting on how she learned to love the LGBTQ community and why she feels her best role was as a man. Smiling, she lights up and leans back. “You know what, yeah, they do.”

These badass women doing badass things in a world where sometimes these women are told that they can’t do them…

Absolutely.

How do you explain the connection between these strong women you play and the LGBTQ community?

Because I think the LGBTQ community feels like they’re on the periphery. They feel like they’re not seen, they feel like they’re not worthy, they feel like they’re not valued. And there’s no answer to that, other than the fact that you’re not heterosexual. Really, that’s it. That’s what I think, and I certainly feel the same way, as someone who has been marginalized my entire life. Listen, when I think about myself, I am everything within me. I’ve had boyfriends, people think I’m cute (laughs). I’m funny! I’m telling you, I’m all of those things. And I cannot stand labels. I cannot stand them.

Did you have something to do with Annalise’s sexual fluidity, then?

I had everything to do with that. And so did (creator) Pete Nowak; I can’t leave him out. I really have to give him credit for that too. But yeah, absolutely. And also, I Am Jazz: I was watching that one night. I love that show. But I was watching that one night and (trans TV star and model Jazz Jennings) was playing in the closet with one of her friends who was a trans teenager, and it was just great. They were talking about who they see themselves with in the future, and they were like, “Whoever, you know. I’m open. I’m open to a boy, I’m open to a girl.” And they started talking about just the attributes of the people they wanted to be with.

That transformed me more than anything. I thought, “That is the greatest thing in the world,” and I thought that that was a great idea for Annalise because Annalise is so damaged, so traumatized that what if she just said, “I’m just open to love”? God, think about what we can explore there.

Are you inspired by this generation of young people who identify as sexually fluid?

Totally, with everything. My generation – I always say, “The black and Hispanic people liked disco and the white people liked rock ’n’ roll.” That was my generation. And there was no language for homosexuality – only fear.

Growing up in Rhode Island, what was your introduction to the LGBTQ community?

Hmm… probably through… that’s a difficult question. I’m gonna say this: My friend… shit. This is menopause, ’cause I was just talking about him. Slim! My friend Slim! And I’ll say him, even though it’s more than just him, because I just did have a lot of gay friends. I’m a theater geek!

But my introduction into, especially the gay and the trans community, was Slim. And the reason why I say that is because it challenged even my idea of sexuality, because we were just friends and he had a girlfriend, and then he announced to me that he was gay, and then it went from that to him borrowing my clothes, my dresses. I was like, “Oh, OK! You can borrow my dresses!” So he would take my dresses, and then it went from that to him dropping out of school – and of course we still continued our friendship. And then it went from that to him wearing my makeup.

I just remember going with it, of course, because I loved him. It was my first introduction into a different level of sexuality that no one talked about. He had a group of young men that lived with him who were all trans and he called them his “sons and daughters.” Some were gay, some were trans, some were transvestite, and it was my first introduction into the fluidity of sexuality.

You said this was going to be a difficult question for you to answer, but it wasn’t.

It wasn’t difficult, I know. I guess not.

Was reconciling your Christian upbringing with your acceptance of homosexuality a challenge for you?

I guess it was a little – it was. But I loved him. I have to say I loved him, so I felt it was on me to shift my thinking and it was up to me to understand him. I will say I went with it, but it was my first introduction to understanding it. When I was on Facebook, I did have my Facebook friend Nika (Lomazzo, a trans woman and activist) and she really schooled me. So every day I would go to her site and she would school me and I said, “I’ve been to school; I’m just gonna learn.” She’s a trans woman, so I was schooled (with) just certain language.

The first time you kiss a same-sex love interest played by Famke Janssen – did your mother ever see that episode of How to Get Away with Murder even though you didn��t want her to?

Yep!

You said that you weren’t gonna show it to her.

I didn’t show it to her! She saw it on her own!

And?

She was good with it – because my niece is gay and at 9, 10 years old she told her mom, my sister: “Mom, I like girls,” and my sister said, “OK. Well, are you OK?” She said, “I think I’m fine.” She was like, “OK, well I’m good too.” And that was their conversation.

You starred in one of the most notable queer films ever made: Todd Haynes’ Far From Heaven. How do you reflect on your role in that film?

The maid? I liked that movie. I loved that movie.

And the role?

I mean, the role was a maid. I’m done with the maids. But that was in the beginning of my career. I wasn’t really awoke then – not as awoken as I am.

You recently admitted to having issues with The Help.

Yeah, I did.

Looking back on The Help and Far From Heaven, what has that taught you about the importance of representation for the black and LGBTQ community?

I guess I already knew it then, too, but I never thought that I had any power. I was just happy to have a job. But I think it’s important to be seen, it’s important to see your own images on the screen – and in a way that is honest.

The reason I became an actor, and it’s absolutely the reason why I became an actor: I’m a total nerd and I fell in love with Arthur Miller. He said he wrote to make people feel less alone, and that’s why I do what I do. Seriously, that’s why I do what I do. I seriously do. And so I feel responsible for any image I put out there that makes people feel alone, that makes people feel not seen, that doesn’t show fully who they are – their anger, their pain, their joy, their sexuality. That’s your job as an artist, so yeah, that’s where I’m at right now.

Have you considered the importance of you not just portraying a lesbian but a lesbian of color, a demographic so rarely portrayed on screen, and the impact that could have on the LGBTQ community?

I’ve been offered, I played: God’s Heart with Julie Kavner. We were lesbians. I played a lesbian in King Lear. It was a workshop production (at the Public Theater in New York) and actually the guy who directed it was one of the people who put together Paris Is Burning and he set King Lear in one of the gay (ball-culture) “houses” of the ’90s. And I didn’t do it, because the director told me at the last minute I probably should’ve done it, but he wanted me to compete in those gay house shows. You have to be a man pretending to be a woman or a woman pretending to be a man and the more real you are, that’s a whole competition. It’s about being as real as you can be. To me, that was the best role I’d ever done, by the way. Bar none. TV, film. It was the best role.

Why was your role in King Lear so special to you?

Because I had to play a lesbian who was pretending to be a man and I went home – I am telling you, I said, “I am gonna hit this” (bangs fist against palm). So I felt like I really transformed into a man. I thought it was totally believable! And Nicole Ari Parker was my girlfriend! Every time we see each other, I’m like, (excitedly waves her arms) “Hey!”

I feel like gay men must come up to you all the time and quote Annalise’s iconic line, “Why is your penis on a dead girl’s phone?” Is that line still following you around?

I mean, I don’t know what it is about that line – maybe just ’cause it was so unexpected! So I keep quoting or thinking about Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz, because I feel like gay men like that movie too. I love that movie. And there’s a lot of reasons why. I think its Judy Garland too, you know?

Right, a gay icon.

Yeah. You understand why. But also, this is my thing: She keeps talking about going home and wanting to go home, and then in the end the Good Witch tells her (she) had the power to go home all along. I know, even as a black woman, that feeling. I have the power within to be the change I wanna see, to have the life I wanna have; it’s already in me.

People strip us of our worth and the potency of our worth and the potency of our power so much. I see it because… listen, I’m socialized on steroids (laughs). The number of people I meet every day who interview me, who I have to meet at parties and social gatherings, because I’m an actor – one of the things I’ve noticed, ’cause I love looking at different reporters who come in and imagining who they are, who they love, and I love it. And there have been (people) who come in from the LGBTQ community – and now there’s more trans men, trans women reporters, and it’s a “coming out” and stepping into who you are. You gotta love it.

source https://hotspotsmagazine.com/2018/11/29/widows-star-viola-davis-talks-lgbtq-evolution/ from Hot Spots Magazine https://hotspotsmagazin.blogspot.com/2018/11/widows-star-viola-davis-talks-lgbtq.html

[demitgibbs]

‘Widows’ Star Viola Davis Talks LGBTQ Evolution

Viola Davis taps my hand when she really means what she says. Each time the actress reaches over to make contact, the big bar in the big skyscraper in big Chicago where we are sitting diminishes. She has a way of making any space feel intimate.

The first black actor to win an Oscar, Emmy and a Tony for acting, Davis is seated diagonally from me at a larger-than-we-need table more suited for a family’s Thanksgiving gathering than a conversation between two people. She is striking in a baby-blue pantsuit and a gorgeous, billowing afro, owning the space she occupies much like the way she owns the screen, having granted vulnerability and humanity to some of TV, theater and film’s most unforgettable women for three decades.

Her knack for investigating the deepest human depths of her characters is best illustrated in a single scene, as a loving, anguished mother in 2008’s Doubt, her indelible breakthrough. Later, she starred as Aibileen Clark in The Help (she previously played another maid in gay director Todd Haynes’ 2002 film Far From Heaven), and in Suicide Squad and Fences, which won her an Oscar. And as criminal defense attorney Annalise Keating on ABC’s hit drama How to Get Away with Murder, she is a mighty force.

Davis’s signature resilience once again pervades tenacious crime-boss Veronica Rawlins in 12 Years a Slave and in director Steve McQueen’s socially charged action-thriller Widows, notably featuring a lead cast mostly comprised of actresses of color.

After spending the early years of her career not recognizing her power even though we did, Davis, 53, does now, she tells me. The obvious question: “Do gay men feel compelled to bow down to you?” I ask, moments into the candid conversation that awaits us, which has Davis reflecting on how she learned to love the LGBTQ community and why she feels her best role was as a man. Smiling, she lights up and leans back. “You know what, yeah, they do.”

These badass women doing badass things in a world where sometimes these women are told that they can’t do them…

Absolutely.

How do you explain the connection between these strong women you play and the LGBTQ community?

Because I think the LGBTQ community feels like they’re on the periphery. They feel like they’re not seen, they feel like they’re not worthy, they feel like they’re not valued. And there’s no answer to that, other than the fact that you’re not heterosexual. Really, that’s it. That’s what I think, and I certainly feel the same way, as someone who has been marginalized my entire life. Listen, when I think about myself, I am everything within me. I’ve had boyfriends, people think I’m cute (laughs). I’m funny! I’m telling you, I’m all of those things. And I cannot stand labels. I cannot stand them.

Did you have something to do with Annalise’s sexual fluidity, then?

I had everything to do with that. And so did (creator) Pete Nowak; I can’t leave him out. I really have to give him credit for that too. But yeah, absolutely. And also, I Am Jazz: I was watching that one night. I love that show. But I was watching that one night and (trans TV star and model Jazz Jennings) was playing in the closet with one of her friends who was a trans teenager, and it was just great. They were talking about who they see themselves with in the future, and they were like, “Whoever, you know. I’m open. I’m open to a boy, I’m open to a girl.” And they started talking about just the attributes of the people they wanted to be with.

That transformed me more than anything. I thought, “That is the greatest thing in the world,” and I thought that that was a great idea for Annalise because Annalise is so damaged, so traumatized that what if she just said, “I’m just open to love”? God, think about what we can explore there.

Are you inspired by this generation of young people who identify as sexually fluid?

Totally, with everything. My generation – I always say, “The black and Hispanic people liked disco and the white people liked rock ’n’ roll.” That was my generation. And there was no language for homosexuality – only fear.

Growing up in Rhode Island, what was your introduction to the LGBTQ community?

Hmm… probably through… that’s a difficult question. I’m gonna say this: My friend… shit. This is menopause, ’cause I was just talking about him. Slim! My friend Slim! And I’ll say him, even though it’s more than just him, because I just did have a lot of gay friends. I’m a theater geek!

But my introduction into, especially the gay and the trans community, was Slim. And the reason why I say that is because it challenged even my idea of sexuality, because we were just friends and he had a girlfriend, and then he announced to me that he was gay, and then it went from that to him borrowing my clothes, my dresses. I was like, “Oh, OK! You can borrow my dresses!” So he would take my dresses, and then it went from that to him dropping out of school – and of course we still continued our friendship. And then it went from that to him wearing my makeup.

I just remember going with it, of course, because I loved him. It was my first introduction into a different level of sexuality that no one talked about. He had a group of young men that lived with him who were all trans and he called them his “sons and daughters.” Some were gay, some were trans, some were transvestite, and it was my first introduction into the fluidity of sexuality.

You said this was going to be a difficult question for you to answer, but it wasn’t.

It wasn’t difficult, I know. I guess not.

Was reconciling your Christian upbringing with your acceptance of homosexuality a challenge for you?

I guess it was a little – it was. But I loved him. I have to say I loved him, so I felt it was on me to shift my thinking and it was up to me to understand him. I will say I went with it, but it was my first introduction to understanding it. When I was on Facebook, I did have my Facebook friend Nika (Lomazzo, a trans woman and activist) and she really schooled me. So every day I would go to her site and she would school me and I said, “I’ve been to school; I’m just gonna learn.” She’s a trans woman, so I was schooled (with) just certain language.

The first time you kiss a same-sex love interest played by Famke Janssen – did your mother ever see that episode of How to Get Away with Murder even though you didn’t want her to?

Yep!

You said that you weren’t gonna show it to her.

I didn’t show it to her! She saw it on her own!

And?

She was good with it – because my niece is gay and at 9, 10 years old she told her mom, my sister: “Mom, I like girls,” and my sister said, “OK. Well, are you OK?” She said, “I think I’m fine.” She was like, “OK, well I’m good too.” And that was their conversation.

You starred in one of the most notable queer films ever made: Todd Haynes’ Far From Heaven. How do you reflect on your role in that film?

The maid? I liked that movie. I loved that movie.

And the role?

I mean, the role was a maid. I’m done with the maids. But that was in the beginning of my career. I wasn’t really awoke then – not as awoken as I am.

You recently admitted to having issues with The Help.

Yeah, I did.

Looking back on The Help and Far From Heaven, what has that taught you about the importance of representation for the black and LGBTQ community?

I guess I already knew it then, too, but I never thought that I had any power. I was just happy to have a job. But I think it’s important to be seen, it’s important to see your own images on the screen – and in a way that is honest.

The reason I became an actor, and it’s absolutely the reason why I became an actor: I’m a total nerd and I fell in love with Arthur Miller. He said he wrote to make people feel less alone, and that’s why I do what I do. Seriously, that’s why I do what I do. I seriously do. And so I feel responsible for any image I put out there that makes people feel alone, that makes people feel not seen, that doesn’t show fully who they are – their anger, their pain, their joy, their sexuality. That’s your job as an artist, so yeah, that’s where I’m at right now.

Have you considered the importance of you not just portraying a lesbian but a lesbian of color, a demographic so rarely portrayed on screen, and the impact that could have on the LGBTQ community?

I’ve been offered, I played: God’s Heart with Julie Kavner. We were lesbians. I played a lesbian in King Lear. It was a workshop production (at the Public Theater in New York) and actually the guy who directed it was one of the people who put together Paris Is Burning and he set King Lear in one of the gay (ball-culture) “houses” of the ’90s. And I didn’t do it, because the director told me at the last minute I probably should’ve done it, but he wanted me to compete in those gay house shows. You have to be a man pretending to be a woman or a woman pretending to be a man and the more real you are, that’s a whole competition. It’s about being as real as you can be. To me, that was the best role I’d ever done, by the way. Bar none. TV, film. It was the best role.

Why was your role in King Lear so special to you?

Because I had to play a lesbian who was pretending to be a man and I went home – I am telling you, I said, “I am gonna hit this” (bangs fist against palm). So I felt like I really transformed into a man. I thought it was totally believable! And Nicole Ari Parker was my girlfriend! Every time we see each other, I’m like, (excitedly waves her arms) “Hey!”

I feel like gay men must come up to you all the time and quote Annalise’s iconic line, “Why is your penis on a dead girl’s phone?” Is that line still following you around?

I mean, I don’t know what it is about that line – maybe just ’cause it was so unexpected! So I keep quoting or thinking about Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz, because I feel like gay men like that movie too. I love that movie. And there’s a lot of reasons why. I think its Judy Garland too, you know?

Right, a gay icon.

Yeah. You understand why. But also, this is my thing: She keeps talking about going home and wanting to go home, and then in the end the Good Witch tells her (she) had the power to go home all along. I know, even as a black woman, that feeling. I have the power within to be the change I wanna see, to have the life I wanna have; it’s already in me.

People strip us of our worth and the potency of our worth and the potency of our power so much. I see it because… listen, I’m socialized on steroids (laughs). The number of people I meet every day who interview me, who I have to meet at parties and social gatherings, because I’m an actor – one of the things I’ve noticed, ’cause I love looking at different reporters who come in and imagining who they are, who they love, and I love it. And there have been (people) who come in from the LGBTQ community – and now there’s more trans men, trans women reporters, and it’s a “coming out” and stepping into who you are. You gotta love it.

from Hotspots! Magazine https://hotspotsmagazine.com/2018/11/29/widows-star-viola-davis-talks-lgbtq-evolution/ from Hot Spots Magazine https://hotspotsmagazine.tumblr.com/post/180620914505

[hotspotsmagazine]

‘Widows’ Star Viola Davis Talks LGBTQ Evolution

Viola Davis taps my hand when she really means what she says. Each time the actress reaches over to make contact, the big bar in the big skyscraper in big Chicago where we are sitting diminishes. She has a way of making any space feel intimate.

The first black actor to win an Oscar, Emmy and a Tony for acting, Davis is seated diagonally from me at a larger-than-we-need table more suited for a family’s Thanksgiving gathering than a conversation between two people. She is striking in a baby-blue pantsuit and a gorgeous, billowing afro, owning the space she occupies much like the way she owns the screen, having granted vulnerability and humanity to some of TV, theater and film’s most unforgettable women for three decades.

Her knack for investigating the deepest human depths of her characters is best illustrated in a single scene, as a loving, anguished mother in 2008’s Doubt, her indelible breakthrough. Later, she starred as Aibileen Clark in The Help (she previously played another maid in gay director Todd Haynes’ 2002 film Far From Heaven), and in Suicide Squad and Fences, which won her an Oscar. And as criminal defense attorney Annalise Keating on ABC’s hit drama How to Get Away with Murder, she is a mighty force.

Davis’s signature resilience once again pervades tenacious crime-boss Veronica Rawlins in 12 Years a Slave and in director Steve McQueen’s socially charged action-thriller Widows, notably featuring a lead cast mostly comprised of actresses of color.

After spending the early years of her career not recognizing her power even though we did, Davis, 53, does now, she tells me. The obvious question: “Do gay men feel compelled to bow down to you?” I ask, moments into the candid conversation that awaits us, which has Davis reflecting on how she learned to love the LGBTQ community and why she feels her best role was as a man. Smiling, she lights up and leans back. “You know what, yeah, they do.”

These badass women doing badass things in a world where sometimes these women are told that they can’t do them…

Absolutely.

How do you explain the connection between these strong women you play and the LGBTQ community?

Because I think the LGBTQ community feels like they’re on the periphery. They feel like they’re not seen, they feel like they’re not worthy, they feel like they’re not valued. And there’s no answer to that, other than the fact that you’re not heterosexual. Really, that’s it. That’s what I think, and I certainly feel the same way, as someone who has been marginalized my entire life. Listen, when I think about myself, I am everything within me. I’ve had boyfriends, people think I’m cute (laughs). I’m funny! I’m telling you, I’m all of those things. And I cannot stand labels. I cannot stand them.

Did you have something to do with Annalise’s sexual fluidity, then?

I had everything to do with that. And so did (creator) Pete Nowak; I can’t leave him out. I really have to give him credit for that too. But yeah, absolutely. And also, I Am Jazz: I was watching that one night. I love that show. But I was watching that one night and (trans TV star and model Jazz Jennings) was playing in the closet with one of her friends who was a trans teenager, and it was just great. They were talking about who they see themselves with in the future, and they were like, “Whoever, you know. I’m open. I’m open to a boy, I’m open to a girl.” And they started talking about just the attributes of the people they wanted to be with.

That transformed me more than anything. I thought, “That is the greatest thing in the world,” and I thought that that was a great idea for Annalise because Annalise is so damaged, so traumatized that what if she just said, “I’m just open to love”? God, think about what we can explore there.

Are you inspired by this generation of young people who identify as sexually fluid?

Totally, with everything. My generation – I always say, “The black and Hispanic people liked disco and the white people liked rock ’n’ roll.” That was my generation. And there was no language for homosexuality – only fear.

Growing up in Rhode Island, what was your introduction to the LGBTQ community?

Hmm… probably through… that’s a difficult question. I’m gonna say this: My friend… shit. This is menopause, ’cause I was just talking about him. Slim! My friend Slim! And I’ll say him, even though it’s more than just him, because I just did have a lot of gay friends. I’m a theater geek!

But my introduction into, especially the gay and the trans community, was Slim. And the reason why I say that is because it challenged even my idea of sexuality, because we were just friends and he had a girlfriend, and then he announced to me that he was gay, and then it went from that to him borrowing my clothes, my dresses. I was like, “Oh, OK! You can borrow my dresses!” So he would take my dresses, and then it went from that to him dropping out of school – and of course we still continued our friendship. And then it went from that to him wearing my makeup.

I just remember going with it, of course, because I loved him. It was my first introduction into a different level of sexuality that no one talked about. He had a group of young men that lived with him who were all trans and he called them his “sons and daughters.” Some were gay, some were trans, some were transvestite, and it was my first introduction into the fluidity of sexuality.

You said this was going to be a difficult question for you to answer, but it wasn’t.

It wasn’t difficult, I know. I guess not.

Was reconciling your Christian upbringing with your acceptance of homosexuality a challenge for you?

I guess it was a little – it was. But I loved him. I have to say I loved him, so I felt it was on me to shift my thinking and it was up to me to understand him. I will say I went with it, but it was my first introduction to understanding it. When I was on Facebook, I did have my Facebook friend Nika (Lomazzo, a trans woman and activist) and she really schooled me. So every day I would go to her site and she would school me and I said, “I’ve been to school; I’m just gonna learn.” She’s a trans woman, so I was schooled (with) just certain language.

The first time you kiss a same-sex love interest played by Famke Janssen – did your mother ever see that episode of How to Get Away with Murder even though you didn’t want her to?

Yep!

You said that you weren’t gonna show it to her.

I didn’t show it to her! She saw it on her own!

And?

She was good with it – because my niece is gay and at 9, 10 years old she told her mom, my sister: “Mom, I like girls,” and my sister said, “OK. Well, are you OK?” She said, “I think I’m fine.” She was like, “OK, well I’m good too.” And that was their conversation.

You starred in one of the most notable queer films ever made: Todd Haynes’ Far From Heaven. How do you reflect on your role in that film?

The maid? I liked that movie. I loved that movie.

And the role?

I mean, the role was a maid. I’m done with the maids. But that was in the beginning of my career. I wasn’t really awoke then – not as awoken as I am.

You recently admitted to having issues with The Help.

Yeah, I did.

Looking back on The Help and Far From Heaven, what has that taught you about the importance of representation for the black and LGBTQ community?

I guess I already knew it then, too, but I never thought that I had any power. I was just happy to have a job. But I think it’s important to be seen, it’s important to see your own images on the screen – and in a way that is honest.

The reason I became an actor, and it’s absolutely the reason why I became an actor: I’m a total nerd and I fell in love with Arthur Miller. He said he wrote to make people feel less alone, and that’s why I do what I do. Seriously, that’s why I do what I do. I seriously do. And so I feel responsible for any image I put out there that makes people feel alone, that makes people feel not seen, that doesn’t show fully who they are – their anger, their pain, their joy, their sexuality. That’s your job as an artist, so yeah, that’s where I’m at right now.

Have you considered the importance of you not just portraying a lesbian but a lesbian of color, a demographic so rarely portrayed on screen, and the impact that could have on the LGBTQ community?

I’ve been offered, I played: God’s Heart with Julie Kavner. We were lesbians. I played a lesbian in King Lear. It was a workshop production (at the Public Theater in New York) and actually the guy who directed it was one of the people who put together Paris Is Burning and he set King Lear in one of the gay (ball-culture) “houses” of the ’90s. And I didn’t do it, because the director told me at the last minute I probably should’ve done it, but he wanted me to compete in those gay house shows. You have to be a man pretending to be a woman or a woman pretending to be a man and the more real you are, that’s a whole competition. It’s about being as real as you can be. To me, that was the best role I’d ever done, by the way. Bar none. TV, film. It was the best role.

Why was your role in King Lear so special to you?

Because I had to play a lesbian who was pretending to be a man and I went home – I am telling you, I said, “I am gonna hit this” (bangs fist against palm). So I felt like I really transformed into a man. I thought it was totally believable! And Nicole Ari Parker was my girlfriend! Every time we see each other, I’m like, (excitedly waves her arms) “Hey!”

I feel like gay men must come up to you all the time and quote Annalise’s iconic line, “Why is your penis on a dead girl’s phone?” Is that line still following you around?

I mean, I don’t know what it is about that line – maybe just ’cause it was so unexpected! So I keep quoting or thinking about Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz, because I feel like gay men like that movie too. I love that movie. And there’s a lot of reasons why. I think its Judy Garland too, you know?

Right, a gay icon.

Yeah. You understand why. But also, this is my thing: She keeps talking about going home and wanting to go home, and then in the end the Good Witch tells her (she) had the power to go home all along. I know, even as a black woman, that feeling. I have the power within to be the change I wanna see, to have the life I wanna have; it’s already in me.

People strip us of our worth and the potency of our worth and the potency of our power so much. I see it because… listen, I’m socialized on steroids (laughs). The number of people I meet every day who interview me, who I have to meet at parties and social gatherings, because I’m an actor – one of the things I’ve noticed, ’cause I love looking at different reporters who come in and imagining who they are, who they love, and I love it. And there have been (people) who come in from the LGBTQ community – and now there’s more trans men, trans women reporters, and it’s a “coming out” and stepping into who you are. You gotta love it.

from Hotspots! Magazine https://hotspotsmagazine.com/2018/11/29/widows-star-viola-davis-talks-lgbtq-evolution/

[rosemary-morgan]

Josiah Trelawny x F.Reader: You deserve better - Part 6

(pictures found on pinterest)

Good day to all of your wonderful people 🌹💗 Here comes the new chapter of “You deserve better” I would like to thank everyone for the feedback and likes 🤗💗 

Special thanks to @gangofgunslingers​  💗😘

If any of you wants to be tagged so as not to miss the latest chapters, let me know 😉

Warning: domestic violence, abusive husband, hurt and angst 

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 /Part 5 / Part 7

(¯`v´¯)                                                      (¯`v´¯) `*.¸.*´                                                        `*.¸.*´ ¸.•´¸.•*¨) ¸.•*¨) (`’·.¸(`’·.¸  ¸.·’´) ¸.·’´)  (¨*•.¸ (¨*•.¸`•.¸ (¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•               •`¯¨• ¸¸ `•. `•.¸) `•.¸) `*.¸.*´                                                       `*.¸.*´

You deserve better - Part 6

You slowly walked up the stairs. Every step felt so wrong, knowing that you didn’t belong to this place. No word came over your pretty lips as you made your way to your bedroom. You could only guess what would await you there. Henry had made it clear what he would expect from you tonight. But he was so drunk, that you hoped he would just faint and leave you alone. Henry laughed all the time while he was trying to climb the stairs. This situation annoyed you a lot. "Darling, oh my darling! Pretty, pretty liar!" He sang with a ripple of laughter. Henry was especially irritable in this state, which is why you didn't say a word to him. You arrived before Henry into the bedroom, where you immediately sat down at your dressing table. You wanted to take off the jewelry that had annoyed you the whole evening. Jewelry that Henry once gave you. You wanted to burn these damn things. All of his gifts were meaningless to you. No man would ever be able to buy your love. As you took off your jewelry, you felt the intense looks of your husband. You tried to ignore them, so you didn't dare to look at him. You pretended not to notice. But who did you want to fool? You knew Henry would take what he wanted. However, this time you wouldn't let him abuse you. As soon as you had finished this thought, you heard Henry approach you and when you felt his strong hands on your tender shoulders, you swallowed nervously. His hand stroked gently through your hair as he looked at you with hungry eyes. "You are mine, Y/N." You said nothing but looked at the necklace on the wooden table in front of you. Henry was tender at first, but as soon as he noticed that you didn't want to be touched by him, he became aggressive. Of course, you were afraid, yet you wanted to be strong. "I am a human being, Henry! I am not your property!" You instantly rose from your seat to move away from Henry. You knew that he would soon lose his patience. Then you heard him growl. Deep and long. Your heart was pounding with fear, yet you looked back at him with the same contempt. "Enough, Henry! I will leave you!" But Henry didn't take you seriously. He didn't believe you dare to leave him. "Where do you want to go, Y/N? You're worthless without me!" You bite your jaw hard while looking at him with scorn. "You are the worthless one, Henry! You are a miserable drunk who abuses his wife!" Henry knew you were telling the truth about him, but he didn't want to hear this. Your words made him angrier and he slowly approached you. "What did you say?" "You heard me, Henry! You´re a bastard!" He slapped hard your face and burning pain filled your eyes with tears. Henry grabbed you by the arms, growling like a wild animal. "Watch what you say, you beast!" "YOU ARE THE BEAST!"

With all the strength you could summon, you pushed Henry away from you. He was very surprised and shocked at the same time that you dared to oppose him. You didn't know where you suddenly got the courage to rebel against him, but you did and it felt damn good! Maybe the thought that you would soon be with Josiah gave you this strength. You are visibly frightened when Henry threw the chair from your dresser to your feet. He kept throwing objects around to intimidate you, which often worked. You knew Henry was strong. You also knew that he could kill you with little effort if he wanted to. You hoped that he wouldn´t go that far... "What are you going to do, Henry? Do you want to hit me again? Do you think you can keep me with you this way?" "SHUT UP!" Henry became more and more furious. His eyes were full of anger, his face was completely red. When he tried to attack you, you jumped to the side. Henry fell to the ground, growling. This man was not even able to stay on his feet at the moment, as drunk as he was.

You looked down at him with a cold expression in your face, while you shook your head. "You are miserable, Henry. How does it feel to lie on the floor? Do you feel humiliated? Yes?" The anger in Henry was beyond words. How dare you to talk to him like that? He cursed himself for drinking so much. He would happily punish you now, but he couldn't. "You damn whore! When I'm done with you, you won't be able to leave this house for the next few weeks!" His words were to be taken seriously, but right now you had the chance to end this all by leaving this house. "Goodbye Henry!" You had no words left for your husband. You would leave him. You hope that you would never have to see this man in your life again. "Where are you going?! Y/N! I'm warning you!" But you ignored him, turned around. But suddenly Henry grabbed your ankle, even brought you to your knees. As drunk as he was, there was still some strength in his body. His hands grabbed the fabric of your skirt to pull himself up to you. "You will stay here! WITH ME!" "NO!" You managed to free yourself from his grip. Immediately, you got up and ran out of the room. It was important not waste any time, even if you were sure that Henry wouldn´t be able to do anything against your decision for the next few hours. Finally, you had the opportunity and the courage to leave him. You hurried down the stairs with quick steps, holding on to the railing to avoid tripping over your long dress. But before you left, you wanted to get the money from your hiding place - In a storeroom under the stairs. Your money was in a small box, which was hidden behind old garments and towels. You reached for the box, took out all the money before you were ready to run. You ran to the door, finally leaving this horrible man. You didn't take anything with you. You left everything behind to escape to your new life. Josiah would be visibly surprised to see you tonight. For the first time, you were thankful that Henry was so drunk. Otherwise, you wouldn´t have been able to escape. The streets of Saint-Denis were really dangerous at night, but the greater danger lurked in your own house. You couldn't believe what you were doing. You felt so free and so happy. Even the thunderstorm that suddenly broke over Saint-Denis couldn't take that feeling away from you. The rain fell on you, soaking your clothes and your whole body with cold water - but you didn't care. Now there was only one thing left to do. You pulled your wedding ring off your finger, carelessly threw it on the wet, muddy earth. Now you were free...

Josiah found no rest that night. He felt that it was a mistake to let you go. The magician walked restlessly through his living room. His thoughts were only about you. He thought about getting you out of your home. He was aware that this would reveal the affair between the two of you. But Josiah wanted to beat up Henry anyway. Just because Josiah was a gentleman didn´t mean that he had never joined into a fight. A few months ago, when he was with Arthur in Valentine, they had got into a fight with two men. In the end, he and Arthur had ridden back to the camp with bloody faces. Josiah was taken out of his thoughts when the doorbell rang. The attractive magician was visibly surprised that someone was standing at his door at this time. But he instantly remembered that it could be you. Josiah's heart was pounding wildly and he hurried to the entrance of his house to see if you had come. When he finally opened the door, you stood in front of him - completely soaked. "Y/N!" Josiah couldn´t put into words how happy he was to see you. A big smile was on his lips and you were smiling too. You could finally be with your loved one. You didn't hesitate for long. You pressed your body against his and Josiah put his strong arms around you. A deep, slow kiss made your reunion even more beautiful. A kiss which was as sweet as honey. Josiah's hand slipped into your hair while you kiss and a lustful sigh came over your lips, as Josiah deepened this pleasure. Your delicate fingers clawed lightly into his white shirt while your torso pressed against his. When you slowly release the kiss, you opened your eyes, smiling at him. "Maybe we should go in. It's not raining there, my dear." You chuckle quietly as he said that and you followed Josiah when he took your hand. He led you into his house. It was a small, cozy house and you already loved it. Josiah looked at you worried. You were drenched from head to toe. You had to get out of these wet clothes otherwise, you would catch a cold. He walked up to you after closing the door and he cupped your cheeks, gently stroking your cold skin. "I'm going to prepare a bath for you, darling." With a satisfied sigh, you closed your eyes for a moment. "Thank you, Josiah." The tears that gathered in your eyes were visible and Josiah could only guess what you had to go through. "It's okay, darling. You're here now. He can't hurt you anymore. I will never let that happen." "I know", you whispered as your face leaned into his touch, which you enjoyed so much. You weren't used to so much tenderness. "Come, my dear." Josiah led you to his bedroom so you could take off your wet clothes. When you got there you already saw that Josiah kept his things in order. Everything had its place. The bedroom was decorated in blue and brown colors, which you found very pretty. While Josiah went to his closet to give you one of his clean and dry shirts, you couldn't wait to take this dress off. The fabric stuck to your skin, which felt very uncomfortable.

Unfortunately, you were not able to open the loops of your dress on your own, since they rested on your back. "Josiah? Can you help me please?" Josiah turned to you, saw the problem. "Of course." Josiah approached you and when you took your long, wet hair aside, the magician admired the delicate skin of your neck. Your skin was still a bit damp and fine water pearls made their way down your body. This was a very erotic sight which made him swallow nervously. His warm hand caressed your shoulder lovingly, which made you smile. You felt Josiah's breath on your neck when he started to open your dress. Every slightest touch, every breath of him that tickling your skin, aroused you deeply. When Josiah discovered the scar on your shoulder blade, he was speechless. A deep, long mark ran across your skin. He carefully ran his fingers over the scarred area and he asked himself why a man tortured a woman like this. "Did he do that?" Josiah took a deep breath since he was very angry with Henry. God, how he loathed this monster. It was time to pay him a visit. But that had to wait until tomorrow. Josiah didn't want to let you down now. You needed someone on your side. "Yes..." You wouldn't tell him the story behind your scar tonight. You were too exhausted and you just wanted to relax. It's been too long since you had a good night's sleep. Josiah leaned over to kiss your shoulder. While he was doing this, you felt how good this was for your soul. "I'm so sorry.", whispered Josiah and he put his strong arms around your stomach. You leaned against his chest, knowing that nobody could hurt you anymore. Josiah buried his face in the crook of your neck, closing his eyes to displace the images that were taking place in his head. Pictures that showed you desperate and crying. You turned in his arms to look at him. You wanted to see his beautiful eyes while he was holding you. When your eyes met, Josiah cupped your cheeks and he covered your face with tender kisses - every single touch made you smile. "I'll prepare the bathtub, darling. So you can undress in peace." "Sounds good.", you said. You were looking forward to a cozy, relaxing bath which would assure that you will fall asleep peacefully.

(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´

"The tea is delicious, Josiah. Thank you." You and Josiah are sitting on the couch in the living room. You felt much better after bathing and this warm chamomile tea calmed your nervous stomach. You wore one of his white shirts which were too large for you, but you didn't mind. But on the contrary. It felt so good to be able to wear one of his shirts. The feeling of safety embraced your whole body. You didn't wear anything under this white shirt that was clearly visible, but it didn't disturb you. This was the last thing that bothered you at the moment. The fear that Henry would find you were bigger. Josiah saw the concerned look on your face, which he could understand. He knew you were afraid, but Josiah would never let Henry touch you again. When you didn't take your eyes off the cup you held between your hands, Josiah caressed your cheek tenderly and you looked up at him. "You should rest, my dear." "You too," you reply as you smiled at him. You hadn't noticed his disheveled hair earlier. "That suits you very well, Josiah." At first, Josiah didn't know what you meant, but when you reached out for his hair and stroked through his thick strains, he knew what you meant. A slight chuckle came over his lips. "You think so?" "Yes.", you replied with a smile. He looked much younger with his unkempt hair. Not that you didn't like his perfectly pomaded hair, but this was just more natural. He was such an attractive man.

"Y/N... what happened?" Josiah asked carefully. After all, he didn't want to put you in an uncomfortable situation, but he was restless. Josiah wanted to know what had happened to you in the past few hours. A long sigh escaped from your lips when Josiah asked you. The grip on your cup tightened as the images of the past few hours spooked through your head. "Henry was very drunk. And, uhm..." With a trembling voice, you tried to explain to Josiah what had happened and how you got here. Immediately, Josiah took your hand, stroking your knuckles with his thumb, knowing that this had to be a difficult situation for you and he wanted to show you that you weren´t alone. "It's okay, my dove. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked." But you shake your head gently, placing your cup on the table next to you before you continued talking to Josiah. "Josiah, this monster tortured me for years. And it had to end tonight." Josiah swallowed hard when he heard your words. The fact that you had been living with Henry for a long time was terrible. What did you have to go through? Josiah listened to you carefully while telling him your deepest secrets. "Gladly, that he was so drunk. Otherwise, I wouldn't be with you now. He would have beaten me up. Maybe raped too..." "Good lord! Y/N!" Josiah's stomach contracted painfully as you said that. "He threatened me, insulted me... called me a whore because I dared to oppose him. To tell him what a beast he is!" Suddenly, you burst into tears as you told Josiah about the things that had happened to you. "He sees me as an object, Josiah. I am nothing more to him than his property. And with his property, he had done what he wanted." It was painful to think about it. For years, you had hidden these negative feelings in you, never told anyone about the violence. "Why did I let that happen to me? I forgave him so many times, I thought he would change. I was so stupid." "Y/N, please! Don't say that!" He gently stroked your long hair as he looked at you with concern. "He is responsible for his actions! HE hurt you and I won´t allow you to blame yourself!" Henry was your tormentor and you were his victim. So this guy was to blame! Mistreating a woman was just shameful and evil. For such men, Josiah felt nothing but deepest disgust.

"He kept trying to tell me that it was my fault if he hurts me." You had come to a point where you tried to do everything right to prevent Henry from getting angry and hitting you. But in the end, it hadn't worked. The violence got worse until you realized you could never satisfy Henry. He had always found a reason to hurt you. Josiah pulled you carefully into his arms, as you hid your face in your hands while sobbing. Your fingers immediately clawed to his shirt as you snuggled into his chest. You had cried so many tears because of Henry, but this time you didn't have to cry alone. Josiah was with you and he gave you so much love. "You're not to blame for anything, darling.", Josiah whispered as he stroked your hair to calm you down. Soft kisses covered your temple, and it didn't take long for you to calm down. What was left now was terrible tiredness. You were no longer able to keep your eyes open, which Josiah noticed. The magician looked down at you, gently brushed the strands of hair from your face. Your cheeks were flushed from crying, and he noticed that your skin was so warm, as he caressed your cheek. Josiah looked at you for a while, caressing you as he thought about what he could do for you. How could he take that pain away from you? He would do anything to see you happy. But there was another problem. He hadn't told you the truth about his life yet. How would you react if you found out who he really was? This question has possessed Josiah's mind for days, but he knew that one day, he would have to tell you the truth. He was afraid, he was really afraid of it. Would you tolerate his business? Would you want to live with a man who finances his life with theft? With a member of the Van der Linde gang? Sighing softly, Josiah stroked through his black hair, and he closed his eyes while these worries almost prevented him from breathing. You were such a wonderful woman and he didn't want to lose you. "Oh, my love...", he whispered as he saw how peaceful you fell asleep in his arms.

Josiah would take care of Henry soon. It was time for a social call. Josiah would do it in his own way. And it would be better for Henry if he keeps his dirty hands off you. Otherwise, Josiah would tear his rotten heart out of his chest. But at the moment, it was more important to take care of you. Careful not to wake you up, Josiah took you in his arms to bring you to his bedroom. After all, a cozy bed was different from a couch. You should have a good rest and the tiredness also had overcome him. It had been a hell of a long day and Josiah couldn´t wait to lie down in soft sheets...

(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´

The next morning you were still sleeping next to Josiah. Josiah assumed that you must be very exhausted, but he hadn't been able to sleep last night. The thought of what this monster had done to you hadn't let him rest. With a small sigh, Josiah stroked through his hair, knowing that it would take him a long time to process everything. But when he turned his face to you and saw you sleeping peacefully, he smiled. He was glad that you were with him now. Josiah ran his fingers gently across your cheek, before leaning forward to kiss your temple. A deep sigh escaped him as he did so. His eyes closed for a moment, ready to meet Henry. He wasn't going to be around with this bastard long, after all, you and Josiah had been robbed of enough time. Josiah quietly left the bed, took fresh clothes and went to the bathroom to freshen up. The whole thing took about twenty minutes. Afterward, he left the house, immediately made his way to Henry and Josiah couldn't wait to face this pig personally.

The way to your old home was within a ten-minute walk. Once there, Josiah was not surprised that the front door wasn´t locked. You had already told Josiah how drunk your husband had been and he was probably still lying around somewhere in the same condition. Josiah entered the house, looked around carefully. Who knew if this psychopath was not lurking behind a corner with a loaded weapon. Suddenly, Josiah heard a tormented moan coming from the living room. Josiah frowned, slowly moving towards the noise, already knowing what to see there: A sack of shit that melted into self-pity. Henry seemed to have already heard that someone had entered his house. However, he assumed that you had returned to him. "Y/N! Is that you?" Josiah didn't say a word, he just slowly approached his target. He wanted to hear, what this bastard had to say. But Henry's giggle was enough to provoke the magician. "You whore! I knew you would come back!" Josiah took a deep breath, his anger growing until he finally revealed himself. "I have to disappoint you! She won't come back!" Henry startled when he heard a male voice. Confused and exhausted from his nighttime booze, Henry was visibly having trouble getting up from his couch. When he saw Josiah, his eyes narrowed, not knowing what this guy was doing in his house. "Who are you?! Get the fuck out of here! NOW!" But Josiah wouldn't go. He had something to do, so he approached this man. Slowly and with a calm appeal. But it was clear to see that Josiah was very pissed off. However, this didn´t intimidate Henry. "You know I could kill you! For breaking into my house! Get out of here, boy!" Henry went up to Josiah, ready to throw him out of the house by himself, but he underestimated this man. Josiah grabbed Henry by the collar and threw him against the large glass cabinet in the corner of the room. The cabinet broke, pieces of glass dug in Henry's flesh. "What the...?! YOU SON OF A BITCH" Josiah didn't say anything, walked up to him, grabbed this monster again. It was time to pay him back his crimes. Josiah punched him in the face several times before Henry managed to push him away. However, the alcohol still worked very well in Henry, so he failed to hit Josiah. He just fell to the ground, growling deeply. "Damn son of a bitch! What do you want from me?!" "I want you to leave Y/N alone!" When Henry heard your name, he gave Josiah a venomous look. So you were with this man? Jealousy boiled up in Henry. "What does my wife have to do with you?! Where is she?!" "In a safe place, you piece of dirt!" Henry rose again to knock Josiah over this time, but he had no chance. Josiah grabbed his collar again and threw him across the sofa this time. The magician gasped hard, for this man was a heavy chunk. "I'm warning you, you bastard! Leave her alone, or I swear I'll kill you!" "She is my wife!" Shouted Henry, looking up at his rival with a dangerous glance. "I'll get this whore back!" Henry's words made Josiah crazy. How dare he insult you in this way?! "Pray that we'll never meet again!" With these last words to Henry, the magician left this godforsaken place. "You'll have to pay for that, you bastard! You and that WHORE!"

[darknessisafriend]

I loved the request you wrote ! I have another😂. You and Arthur had just had a baby boy Benjamin,Arthur was getting ready for work (facepaint)and he could here you singing that’s life and dancing with your baby and he was stood by the door watching you and as you finished he started clapping and you as he entered you started singing send in the clowns and Arthur started dancing and your baby was giggling and you all danced while Arthur watched you in awe , and he was being cute to you

And here it is, y’all want to kill with such fluffw requests I’m melting while writing them, it’s so cute I’m in heaven <3

@sosearchingromeo also for you as you’d like a fic with a baby I hope you’ll like it ;) 

Tag list: @help-i-am-obssessed

@the-ineffable-dreamer

@skaravile

This is my family 

Your life was complete. Barely two months ago, you had given birth to a beautiful baby boy, Benjamin. It had been a very important decision you had taken with Arthur. To have a child meant a greater financial responsibility was needed. But you and Arthur couldn’t stop thinking about it, when you saw other couples playing with their kids, talking about them all the time, and you loved the interaction Arthur had with children. He was going to be such a good father, you always ended up imagining him, feeding your baby, telling them a story.

And now it was a reality, and it was exactly how you imagined it. He was such a dedicated father, taking care of Benjamin when he would cry during the night, so that you could rest; insisting to take care of him so that you could take time to take care of yourself. Arthur also worked extra hard to provide everything you and Benjamin needed and even more, he was often bringing home an extra like a plush or clothe for the baby or a gift for you. You had to admit that you were worried for Arthur some days, even if when he was coming home, the second he lays his eyes on you and Benjamin, a big smile would form on his lips, his eyes would be full of happiness as if he couldn´t believe he had you and a baby waiting for him.

Today he was only working in the afternoon, which was good, you had more time together, and even with the baby you had had a lazy morning in bed, cuddling with Arthur, watching him peacefully sleep as you caressed his soft curls. Of course at some point Benjamin started crying waking him up, you went to pick up your baby, cradling him to soothe him. You sat next to your lover, who was trying to wake up, his hair disheveled; his eyelids barely open.

“Is he okay?” he asked, his voice muffled by his face half buried in the pillow.

“Yeah that little pumpkin is just hungry…” you answered softly as you started to breastfeed your baby, who instantly went quiet, satisfied. Arthur chuckled at this, watching him tenderly.

Then he sat up “I´m going to make breakfast.” He announced, kissing your temple and heading to the kitchen.

After breakfast which was more of a lunch considering the time at which you ate it; Arthur went back to the bedroom to get ready for work. It’s something he had been doing for the past months. He would get dressed and put his makeup on at home, it was in a way to stay longer by your side. He was also trying to make Benjamin used to his look, after all some kids could be afraid by clowns, and if he were to make his own child cry, he would never forgive himself for it. For the moment Benjamin wasn´t really reacting to his clown face, he would look at Arthur like he was fascinated, following it´s movements; but he could recognize his voice, probably used to it from the womb when Arthur would kiss your belly, and whisper sweet words to your baby.  He couldn’t way for Benjamin to grow a bit older and before his gig for his son only…  

That’s life that’s what people say

You’re riding high in April

Shot down in May

 Arthur stopped in his tracks, did he just hear singing?

 But I know I’m gonna change that tune

When I’m on top, back on top in June

 He heard it again but this time he quickly recognized your voice, he didn’t get to listen to you as much as he wanted to because of his work time, and god how it was good to hear your voice. He closed his eyes to enjoy it even more.

I said, that’s life and as funny as it may seem

Some people get their kicks

Stompin’ on a dream

But I don’t let it, let it get me down

Cause this fine old world it keeps spinnin’ around

 The thoughts about his work vanished, a small content smile formed on his lips. He quietly got up and tiptoed to the door to watch you. You were slowing dancing, holding your baby in your arms, you only had eyes for him. Benjamin was smiling back at you, it was so rare to see him do this, because it was something new, Arthur had learned about it in a book, babies start to smile back after 2 months old; and it was such a beautiful sight. His baby was well awake right now, his eyes sparkling with life. Arthur was hypnotized by this scene.

 I’ve been a puppet, a pauper, a pirate

A poet, a pawn and a king

I’ve been up and down and over and out

 You continued to sing, making funny faces to resemble a puppet or a pirate, making Benjamin babble with joy. You were so focused on Benjamin, looking at him in the eyes, enjoying his little movement and burbles that you didn´t notice Arthur; he was leaning against the doorframe, moved by the interaction you had with Benjamin.  

 But my heart just ain’t gonna buy it

And if I didn’t think it was worth one single try

I’d jump right on a big bird and then I’d fly!

 You finish, slightly lifting your baby in the air. Then, you’re surprised by the sound of clapping, you turn your head towards the source of the sound and realize that Arthur had been watching you the whole time. He had a tender smile and was looking at the both of you fondly. He was shirtless, all his makeup was done except for on eye, his air were neatly slicked back, ‘a beautiful clown’ you thought. Then, another song came to your mind, and you decided to sing it for the two most important men of your life.

Isn’t it rich?

Are we pair?

Me here at last on the ground,

You in mid-air

Where are the clowns?

 When Arthur recognized the song, his smile grew wider, you had sung it to him several time, it had a whole new meaning to him, it no longer reminded him of the guys who had beaten him; it simply made him think about you, your sweet voice and your undying love for him. He took a few steps towards you, closing his eyes, he slowly bended to his left side, arching his arms above his head, one foot behind the other, graciously moving his hands, he was dancing…

Isn’t it bliss?

Don’t you approve?

One who keeps tearing around,

 Still eyes closed, he moved to the other side, slowly spinning, lifting one arm, the other moving downwards. You hold Benjamin so he could watch his father too, he was captivated, his eyes following the movement of his father, he started giggling and moving his little feet, excited; seems like he inherited his father’s talent for dance.

 One who can’t love,

Where are the clowns?

There ought to be clowns?

 As Arthur heard the sounds of his baby, he reopened his eyes, landing them on the both of you, he watches your lips as you continued the song.

Just when I’d stopped opening doors,

Finally knowing the that I wanted was yours

Making my entrance again with my usual flair

Sure of my lines

 Arthur closed the gap between the both of you, he encircled you and your child, his hands resting on your hips. You started to dance together, the baby between the both of you, he looks at you with admiration. Then his eyes looked at your baby, affectionate, Arthur softly joined your singing, matching your gentle tone.

My fault, I fear

I thought that you’ want what I want

Sorry my dear

 He leans his forehead against yours, keeping eye contact with you, they radiate love, his happiness in this moment, you smile tenderly, wanting to caress his cheek.

 But where are the clowns?

There ought to be clowns

Well, maybe next year

 You finished in unison, a peaceful silence replacing your voices. More burbles coming from Benjamin makes you break eye contact with Arthur, you chuckle.

“Looks like someone is demanding your attention” you whispered to Arthur. He laughed and he bend to softly kiss your baby’s forehead, one hand cradling his head while the other was still holding your waist. His eyes goes back to you, he leans in, titling his head so that his lips meet yours in a loving embrace.

“Thank you…” murmured Arthur against your lips. He didn’t want to go to work but at least he will be going happy, re-watching this moment again and again in his mind, until he can come back home to the both of you.