#Artemius Bloodwick

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You ever re-read a comic and think you can imitate the style but then realize you can’t mid way? Yeah.

This is the guy who makes the Vampire council stressed beyond belief. This guy.

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The quote Jenna Marbles, if you will permit me to do so:

“This is my favorite thing I own. It’s a Red Wig.....For DOGS”

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*Wakes up at 1pm*

One of the perks of Vampirism is immense strength so I assume that new vampires have to go thru a sort of re-training for their sort of .....gentleness? Because all it takes is a little bit of that extra strength force and suddenly the door has been ripped off the hinges and the door knob is crumpled. Vampires can just YEET each other across the room like it’s NOTHING. Not like, lift a car over their heads strong , but defiantly tip it over pretty easily.

Like, mentors will just give newly made Vampires a raw egg and say ‘hold this for an hour and don’t drop it and don’t break it.’ and that’s just your stressful day. The final test is holding a baby chicken and not killing it. Bitten vampires don’t have this immense amount of strength, but they are a little stronger than the average person, this weird sort of retraining is mainly made for First Generation Vampires and they often make their pupils go thru the same thing-just to be sure.

What I’m getting at is that Artie at some point took Saya and Covenfield to a petting zoo and watched them panic and sweat holding baby chickens because they don’t wanna accidentally SMOOSH them. Saya did great and a goat tried to eat Covenfield.

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Artemius ‘Artie’ Bloodwicke, Actor, Theater author, acclaimed Pianist, but mostly Depressed moody vampire

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Artie’s Fucking beef with the council explained because it’s midnight and I feel like explaining his beef.

Like one of the reasons he has major beef with the council was the fact they openly admitted they were strongly considering turning him, his wife and their daughter because they were ‘individuals with talents worth preserving’ but were waiting for the daughter to turn 21 at least before they sent anyone to bite them-but while they were waiting, both his wife and daughter died; had they acted immediately rather than waiting, they’d both still be alive. Granted, they’d be vampires, but they’d be alive.

Another reason is their often fucked up punishments for their laws-one being specifically forbidding Vampires from having children with mortals and how severe the punishment is compared to the alleged crime (which would result in a Damphire. which is actually not that impressive of a creature. It’s talents are being boneless, sickly, actually having vampire powers and mortal sun tolerance, and not living past infancy or toddlerdom.)

But you know sometimes THINGS HAPPEN. THERE ARE ACCIDENTS. THINGS BREAK EVEN WHEN PRECAUTIONS ARE TAKEN. The last vampire who had one of these *ahem* ‘accidents’, was a vampire known in the community as Casanova due to his nature of ‘getting around’ and he ended up having several dozen children-which was the most damphires made by a single Vampire in a long ass while. And when he learned of the fact he had a rather large brood, he took responsibility, gathered them up since most of their new caretakers were very reluctant to take care of them and began to take care of them for the rest of their natural lives (which sadly was not very long) and despite the fact he was doing the right thing, he was arrested, tried, and imprisoned (as well as uhm. made to ensure he’d never be able to make another damphire again.) for a sentence of roughly 200 years and his children put into mortal homes.

And Artie has fucking beef with that as well. Because accidents happen, the  guy was trying to do right by his numerous partners and kids and generally was doing the right thing and he was punished for it.

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Every interaction Artie has with the council is just summed up with him being like:

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It’s Midnight and I would like to confirm that Artie would love to hurt every member of the council physically-but that would warrant arrest and execution if he failed to get every single one of them.

However, it’s not a crime for him to be horrendously mean and borderline comically cruel them verbally.

The few contact numbers he has with them, all their assigned names on his phone is followed with ‘Punk Ass Bitch’ and ‘Dumb Ass Bastard.’

Sometimes they open up there’s just a single letter with his desk heading on the top that just reads ‘You’re a little bitch and that’s why mom doesn’t fucking love you.’

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I dont know why I like Artemius being openly annoyed and ticked off with Kendric’s presence in his household; like most people would be horrified and frightened of death making a place in their home; Artemius just reacts with a mixture of a spray bottle full of water to get him to leave the room or just bluntly saying ‘Why didn’t you just let me die?’ is enough to mortify and embaress Kendric into leaving and let Artie get back to his newspaper and 3/4th bottle of scotch.

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Anyone: Pull yourself together, Artie.

Zombie!Artie: I shall FUCKING not. In fact I will absolutely FALL TO PIECES just to SPITE you. FUCK You.

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In an intermission away from slice of life mutants and aliens and punk rock bands; I return to vampires and their sad sad backstories.

Have a wip-I’m putting proper effort in this one, the one picture of artie not yelling, angry or drunk.

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*taps quietly on your window*

Hey I just wanna say that I had a great idea for Artie's past and it involves him being in Vaudville. Which is fancy for old timey circus on the stage during the 1800s to 1930s.

A lot of early era actors started out in Vaudville, specifically the ones who did their own stunts because acrobatics were often done; as well as singing, dancing, comedy bits, skits. Early era SNL.

So my latest concept for Artemius is at he (and his brothers. He had like 6 other brothers, he was the youngest) were Vaudvillians until it was bought out. 

So Artie currently now whenever he has to go to a theater house to check up stuff, he just WALKS OFF the RIGGING PLATFORMS and off the stage because he knows how to take a high ass fall and he personally has no sense of self preservation and he just scares the FUCK out of the actors and directors because the only guy who was supposed to just check in to make sure they're following the script/give the new edited script is an absolute maniac who keeps on walking off stuff.

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' I never was in the pits in anyway!'

 *Gee Mutant, two tiddy jokes in artistic succession? Such a class act you are. So yeah, Artie's job is classifiable as a script writer/producer for plays and operas and what have you. He was really big back in the day.*

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Artemius hates other vampires and hates going to their parties even more.

He's.....just not a party vampire.

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16.Which does any of your characters idealize most: happiness or success?

IM GONNA DO ALL OF THEM OKAY?

Artemius idealizes happiness more than success. He's tasted success and happiness, but he's found much more pleasure in being happy. which is ironic because he's miserable now.

Saya is one for team success. It may be the after effects of her overbearing parent's drilling in her head that if she isn't successful, she isn't nothing-but she basically reasons that if you're successful, you will have the tools to find your happy.

Covenfield is one for Success. He's a bit obsessed with the concept of stardom and being paid attention to-and being a successful individual will surely get him what he wants.

Kendric values happiness over success. He's someone who sees everyone from all tracks of life and sees the ones who die with fewer regrets seem to be the happier.

　

Barnabas idealizes the concept of success to the point where he's been chasing it constantly-he only wants success in his magic and he has yet to find it and he's convinced as soon as he's successful in his magic-he'll be happy.

Lu's led such a painful and abusive life to where happiness isn't just an idealized concept, it's the end game goal for her. She wants to be happy, she deserves to be happy, but she doesn't have the tools on her to figure out what her happiness is.

Pheobe's been so subtracted from happiness for years. She's obsessively trying to solve the own mystery of her murder-that the minute she figures out who did her in, the effects will probably be MINDBLOWING for her. She already knows the person who did it is probably dead, but she still wants to know (probably so she can go kick over his tombstone.) So, Success for her.

Grimme is sort of a weird balance of both. She thinks she can have her cake and eat it too.

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That one goth sophisticated dateable character in the game who plays the piano and has 25 lbs of baggage that will NOT go thru the air port security but you still chase after them because DAMN son.