#Arcanorium College

[queenofallwitches]

2009: alchemical vandalism and chaos magick exploration of introduction liber null and Psychonaut as a teenager

INTRO: PSYCHOTIC BITCH

 this is scribed out of my teenage diary when I first acquired the book Liber Null and Psychonaut as a high schooler with a rebel spirit and petulant for chaos, destruction and lack of any consequence (and a high tendency for psychic events but I had atheist parts who programmed me to disbelieve in my spiritism roots).:

*** If you read, you'll judge. 

SO FUCK OFF.     22/2/09   Incessant, consistent bordering temperamental, unpredictable A BLUR: If I have to choose a collection of adjectives to describe the onset of this year, those would be my chosen few.   CHAOS.   Regardless of the rollercoaster worthy joy start + my chin is well above the ground and my heart is still beating heavily.    I DEFY ALL SCIENCE.   I SHOULDN'T BE ALIVE.   If I rewound the tick-tock clock and set it to playback the events of the past seven months, plus add a vile and disruptive little monster who cunningly asks the -7 month ago me whether she'd picture her circumstance to be drawn the way it is at current, I would of honestly told that rude and intrusive little monster that I would be a world away from here.    DEAD.    Regardless, I'm glad of the insipid destination which I've landed in.    I spent the first 44 days of this year off my head on drugs.   EMPLOYED TO SELF-DESTRUCT AT ANY AND ALL COSTS. Even while I study and work.    You want to know the truth though?   I feel like I've been reborn.    Despite my "oh-so-obvious" junkie quota being fulfilled, I am more mentally stable than I've been in a very long time.    Lie out my tarot cards and offer me a million dollars to reveal my future and I'll still tell you to fuck off. Fate isn't real. Nothing can be predetermined.    Time is interchangeable and a flexible masterpiece.    Anything is possible, this rollercoaster ride is becoming more wild by the macro-second.   The tunnel we're lurching through is poisoned with pitch-black inevitability.    I am my own god, don't try and bring me down with a kingdom of deceit.   This isn't real This isn't real This isn't REAL This isn't REAL.   ASHAMED.   Time goes to waste

Ashamed is something that I've scrunched up and thrown away into the past.

****

accidental recovery arose from this period of intentional self-annihilation. 

From the intentional 'dark night of the soul' induced psychotic to a psychonaut via the process of psycho-alchemy.

[magicalrecord]

Tuesday, March 11th, 2014: 5:45-6:30P

Sun in Pisces, Moon in Cancer - Waxing Gibbous 81%

Sunny and warm H71F L41F, .00 in precip.

Physical Condition: Minor shoulder pain

Exercises Performed: Object Concentration, Image Concentration

Rituals Performed: AoT, BotA

Went into summer mode in the temple, shorts and no shirt. Why? Because I could. I took advantage of Peter Carroll one more time and requested a two-week free trial for Arcanorium College. On one hand, it’s just a message board. On the other hand, it’s a well-moderated message board with serious magicians. I am afraid I will have to come up with the funds to continue. Especially since I am throwing in my hand with the Knights of Chaos.

I have always been interested in activist magick and have done a few rituals before, so the KoC seem a perfect fit. In preparation for the Invocation of Chaos I spent today’s time in the temple concentrating on the chaos star. I thought at first to simply keep the image in my mind. As the various versions of the star floated by I locked onto a particular one--the chaos star on my bust of Loki. It occurred to me that particular image of Loki is for me, the quintessential Knight of Chaos. I opened my eyes and concentrated on the statue, the star in particular, and then closed them again, keeping the image in my mind for another eight long breaths.

Results: My supervisors at work still tell me daily I am awesome, even though I do little actual labor. Maybe I over did it? Nah…..

Reflection: Lots of magical work getting done today. Worked on my invocation text for Wednesday and have been planning last minute details. I have also committed myself to my next magical project--acid etching the KoC symbol on the pommel of my sword.