#Apricity&Nyx

[wintermarmalade]

Content Warning: Blood, Self-Harm

~ This is darker than my normal stories and has a lot of descriptive self-harm in it. It was mostly just made as a vent story, so please read at your own discretion. ~

*What does it mean to be sacred? Divine?* She recited this musing to herself once more before beginning her ritual. *It was not the presence of a soul, even the most wretched beings still had a soul, nor was it purity or innocence; such things are quickly lost when any conscious entity experiences this world, they're pointless ideals to strive for. A body can only be as sacred as the soul that dwells within it, but one can still allow their body to corrupt the soul.*

*Sacred.... means to be clean, desired, valuable. To be precious and protected from vile things. To emit goodness into an evil world, be a comforting light in the darkness. A divine being is something that wholly and perfectly embodies these concepts, an entity that is completely and indisputably sacred.*

As she recited these ideas in her head, she was once again prodded by doubts that she could actually create such a thing from herself. Despite her uncertainty, she had to try, nothing of value was being put on the line after all.

She had already made the body, the materials were irrelevant as long as the utmost care was taken to make them, but she still chose to mold it from the finest porcelain she could obtain, had hand-made an elegant dress of white lace and swan feathers, and threaded silvery wyvern hair to it's head. It wouldn't need any mechanics to help it move other than it's ball-joints, the magic alone should be strong enough.

She admired the perfect body of her doll from one end of an ornate pentagram chiseled into the tiled floor. She had posed it across from her to sit on it's knees with it's hands delicately set together over it's legs, as if patiently waiting. A large candle carved with elaborate runes lit the space between them at the center, with an old but well cared for ritual knife placed in front of it.

She wasn't going to make this doll the usual way of pulling energy from the ethereal plane, there were too many stray fragments of corrupt entities and ideals wandering through the otherworld. She was going to create this soul by fragmenting her own. She was to take all the sacred parts of herself and embed them into this new body, a body untarnished by the evils of the world, untarnished by the evils of herself. She knew she held some amount of divinity within her, but it had become despairingly twisted and dirtied throughout her life by such things. Even what little was left of it had no place in this profane body of her's.

Extracting the necessary pieces of her soul was expected to be an extraordinarily painful process for most, but she was no stranger to self-dissection, and knew how to properly sharpen a knife. She moved her blade with certain intent and a relaxed, steady hand, not even making an indent when piercing the soft skin of her lower arm, unbothered by the warm streams of blood that began to flow over her. She moved up and down her skin, carving elegant sigils past each winding row of blood before moving to her upper arm and doing the same. Every bit of blood that escaped from these marks was new life for her doll, sacred energy to be put into her new, divine soul. Once her entire arm was adorned, she repeated this process on her opposite limb.

Next were her legs. She started high, near her hip, making similar winding etchings while the blood slowly crept down the rest of her thigh. The columns of red fluid grew wider and faster each time her blade crossed them. She patiently made her way down her leg until she finished by marking a ring just above her ankle. Her foot now rested in a shallow puddle of blood.

She was beginning to feel light-headed. Not from the sight of her ritual, she was all too familiar with the sight of her own blood. This was simply a lot to lose, even for her. But she kept breathing, relaxed her grip, and started on her other leg.

It wasn't long after that she stopped feeling the individual cuts, as they all blended together into a dull burning ache all over her body. She didn't mind, it felt good, satisfying even. This was simply the surgical removal of precious fragments from a tarnished medium.

As the puddle at her feet grew, she rested her knees in it to sit, afraid she might fall over soon if she kept standing.

Next was her face, a simple crest on her forehead, and two lit eyes on her upper cheeks. She saved her face for nearly last, right before the difficult part.

The sealing was much more intimidating, but it had to be done before she released her divine fragments. She held her blade over the decorated candle until it emanated a faint, threatening glow. She mustered all the bravery she could, held her breath, and slowly ran it diagonally across her chest. No blood escaped this time, as the wound instantly cauterized. She took several deep breaths, knowing she still had more to do. She heated the knife again, gritted her teeth, and with white knuckles dragged it in an opposite diagonal to form a large X over her chest. She took a moment to rest, but with the blood loss, smell of burning skin, and blood starting to drip through her eyelashes, she knew she couldn't take very long. She steeled her resolve, heated the blade again, then made a large upside down cross starting from inbetween her breasts to a few inches beneath her belly button. *Deep breaths, just one more.* She heated the knife one final time, and passed the bottom of the cross with a long arc going from hip to hip. She dropped the knife, finally done with the worst. Her face felt cold as she wiped a mix of blood and tears from her eyes, but she felt accomplished. All of the unclean parts of her soul were now sealed within her body.

She gave herself only another moment of rest before picking her knife back up with trembling fingers and holding it over her heart. *One final rune.* It was only meant to be a simple encircled star, but her hands were weak and she was struggling to keep the blood out of her eyes long enough to see what she was doing. She tried to feel for where she was cutting, but the sting of each stroke was immediately lost to her senses, mere drops in a lake. She struggled for much longer than expected to finish the simple rune, questioning whether or not she had even done it correctly, her vision too blurry to tell.

Before she could dwell on it any more, all of her senses were suddenly overtaken by a searing, white light. She lost sense of where her body was or what it was supposed to feel like, her entire being was being contorted and ripped apart over and over and over. She could feel her soul and mind being repeatedly separated and mashed back together in the chaos, losing more pieces of herself each time. Then, just as suddenly, she was tossed back into her body.

She collapsed on her side, every fiber of her being saturated with a deep, sickening dread. It felt as though there was a hole in her chest that the rest of her being was trying to collapse into. Every thought and sensation painfully ripped through her consciousness, each individual cut across her body burning in anger. Through the blurry red mess left of her vision, she watched the white figure of her doll begin to stand upright. It was..... radiant. It felt so distant, but blissfully divine and made of hope. She desperately wanted to reach out to it, never had she craved anything more than to feel it and experience just a touch of it's radiance. But she couldn't, she couldn't fathom her horrid body touching something so pure, tarnishing it's sacred form by getting even a speck of her vile blood on it.

Still, she mustered enough strength to shakily raise her fingers from the ground, even if just to say goodbye. To her horror, the divine being reached towards her and gently held her bloodied fingers. Rather than feeling herself corrupt it's divinity, she felt it reach within herself, filling her with a familiar warmth and peace that she had never been able to fully grasp. For the first time in her existence, she felt wholly and deeply safe. Her consciousness was fading, she wanted to sleep. She closed her eyes, and simply focused on her fingers in it's hand before slipping into darkness.

[pronoun-arc]

[ PT:

Cat: Feline ID Pack

Names: abby. aina. aislin. amaris. apricity. artemis. aspen. aster. aylin. babi. bell. bella. ben. bennett. benny. boo. bristle. buddy. buttercup. calico. callie. cat. cataka. catalyn. catarine. cataura. cate. catelynn. caterina. catherine. catlyn. catnip. catra. catriel. catrin. catriona. charlotte. chat. chatters. cheshette. cheshire. chompo. citrie. claw. clawrina. clementine. cleo. coco. cole. cozie. critter. dessie. diana. diona. dippin. ditzy. dots. dreametta. drowsette. edur. eira. elara. fang. fausta. faustette. faustina. felicity. felina. feline. felisha. felix. fennec. ferri. fluff. fluffie. fluffles. fluffy. fortune. freya. fur. furayah. furina. furona. gato. gatto. gianna. gigi. ginger. hiraya. hissan. holly. hyacinth. hypnoticesse. iris. izzy. jett. jinx. kalico. kat. kataka. katalyn. katarina. katashi. kate. katelinn. katelyn. katharine. kathayani. katherina. kathi. kathirah. kathita. kathleen. kathrine. kathryn. katika. katilyn. katinah. katinka. katlin. katrina. katsen. katte. kattie. katzchen. katze. kelly. kettlingur. kismet. kit. kitti. kittie. kitty. kizzy. korat. kot. kote. kuting. kyathi. lawler. layla. lee. leo. leon. leonardo. lil. lilith. lily. lioness. lionette. liora. loki. lola. lottie. luckitty. lucky. lucy. lumi. luna. lunar. lunette. lynx. maine. mao. maola. maoli. maolia. maolmin. marie. mau. meowesse. meowli. meowy. mew. mewlina. mewy. midnight. milka. milo. missy. mist. misty. mitten. mittens. mizuki. mona. moonie. morphius. nala. napolean. narcyz. narkissa. neko, nemuri. neoma. neomi. nepeta. nevada. noir. nyamu. nyasia. nyx. olwen. onyx. oreo. orpheus. owen. paris. pawelek. pawleen. pawline. paws. popoki.���poppy. prince. princess. pumpkin. purresse. purrette. purriette. purrlina. purrse. ragdoll. ravae. river. ruby. scar. selene. selenia. shade. sleepesse. stitch. stripe. sunny. sunrise. sunshine. sylvester. sylvie. tab. tabby. tabitha. thimble. tigris. tilly. tiny. tom. treat. valorie. vulpes. whisker. whiskers. willow. yue. yume.

Pronouns: (=^･ω･^=)/(=^･ω･^=). /ᐠ｡ꞈ｡ᐟ\//ᐠ｡ꞈ｡ᐟ. :3/:3. >:3/:>:3. >:3/>:3. >ww<. ^^/^^. ^^/^^. ^w^/^w^. ado/adore. ash/ash. aw/warm. bell/bell. bit/bit. bite/bite. ble/bless. blizz/blizzard. bow/bow. box/box. ca/cat. calm/calm. candle/candle. car/caracal. carni/vora. cat/cat. cat/nip. caterwaul/cayerwaul. catnip/catnip. cha/chase. chan/chance. chase/chase. chatter/chatter. cheer/cheerful. cher/cher. chew/chew. chom/chomp. chub/chub. cla/claw. claw/claw. claw/clawed. cli/climb. collar/collar. cookie/cookie. cozy/cozy. cu/cute. cud/cuddle. cuddle/cuddle. cute/cute. cute/cutie. dark/dark. des/destiny. dream/dream. drow/drowsy. eep/eepy. ey/em fa/fate. fang/fang. fay/fem fe/line. fel/feline. feli/dae. feli/feline. feline/feline. fi/fish. fish/fish. fleur/fleur. fli/flip. flick/flicker. floof/fluff. fluff/fluff. fluffy/fluffy. for/fortune. fri/friend. fu/fur. fur/fur. fu/fuzz. fuzz/fuzz. ga/to. gloom/gloomy. happ/happy. hi/his. hiss/hiss. ho/hop. hope/ful. hu/hunt. hunt/hunt. hunter/hunter. hy/hymn. hyp/hype. intro/vert. jagu/jaguar. ju/jump. kat/kat. kit/kit. kit/kitten. kit/kitty kit/kitty. knea/knead. kya/kya. lawl/law. lawl/lawl. leap/leap. lion/lion. lu/luck. luv/luv. lynx/lynx. mao/mao. me/meow. meo/meow. meow/meow. mew/meow. mew/mew. miau/miau. miew/miow. mil/milk. milk/milk. mimimi/mimimi. mlem/mlem. moon/moon. mrow/mrow. mrr/mrrp. mrreow/mrreow. mrrp/mrrp. nap/nap. neko/neko. night/night. nip/nip. noct/noct. nom/nyom. nya/nya. nya/nyan. pa/paw. panth/panthe. panth/panther. paw/claw. paw/paw. pawpad/pawpad. pessi/pessimist. pet/pet. petal/petal. pi/pink. pitter/patter. pla/play. play/playful. pou/pounce. pr/prr. pra/prance. prowl/prowl. prr/prr. pup/paw. purr/purr. quiet/quiet. ribbon/ribbon. ro/roll. roll/roll. sca/scratch. scra/scratch. scratch/scratch. sha/shake. shade/shade. shadow/shadow. shy/hyr shy/shy. skit/skitter. slee/sleep. sneak/sneak. sniff/sniff. snooze/snooze. snow/snowflake. soft/soft. spe/speak. spi/spin. squi/squish. sta/stare. swe/sweet. sweet/sweet. swi/swipe. ta/tail. tail/tail. tig/tig. tig/tigri. tiger/tiger. tire/tired. tired/tired. toy/toy. tre/treat. tri/trick. trill/trill. vae/vaem vix/vixen. waf/waffle. warm/warmth. whis/whisker. whisk/whisker. wonder/wonder. ya/yarn. yarn/yarn. yaw/yawn. yawn/yawn. yip/yip. yowl/yowl. zoomie/zoomie. zz/zz. 🍣 . 🐅 . 🐆 . 🐈 . 🐱 . 🐾 . 💤 . 😺 . 🥛 . 🦁 . 🦴 .

/end PT ]

CAT ︰FELINE ID PACK

NAMES ⌇　abby. aina. aislin. amaris. apricity. artemis. aspen. aster. aylin. babi. bell. bella. ben. bennett. benny. boo. bristle. buddy. buttercup. calico. callie. cat. cataka. catalyn. catarine. cataura. cate. catelynn. caterina. catherine. catlyn. catnip. catra. catriel. catrin. catriona. charlotte. chat. chatters. cheshette. cheshire. chompo. citrie. claw. clawrina. clementine. cleo. coco. cole. cozie. critter. dessie. diana. diona. dippin. ditzy. dots. dreametta. drowsette. edur. eira. elara. fang. fausta. faustette. faustina. felicity. felina. feline. felisha. felix. fennec. ferri. fluff. fluffie. fluffles. fluffy. fortune. freya. fur. furayah. furina. furona. gato. gatto. gianna. gigi. ginger. hiraya. hissan. holly. hyacinth. hypnoticesse. iris. izzy. jett. jinx. kalico. kat. kataka. katalyn. katarina. katashi. kate. katelinn. katelyn. katharine. kathayani. katherina. kathi. kathirah. kathita. kathleen. kathrine. kathryn. katika. katilyn. katinah. katinka. katlin. katrina. katsen. katte. kattie. katzchen. katze. kelly. kettlingur. kismet. kit. kitti. kittie. kitty. kizzy. korat. kot. kote. kuting. kyathi. lawler. layla. lee. leo. leon. leonardo. lil. lilith. lily. lioness. lionette. liora. loki. lola. lottie. luckitty. lucky. lucy. lumi. luna. lunar. lunette. lynx. maine. mao. maola. maoli. maolia. maolmin. marie. mau. meowesse. meowli. meowy. mew. mewlina. mewy. midnight. milka. milo. missy. mist. misty. mitten. mittens. mizuki. mona. moonie. morphius. nala. napolean. narcyz. narkissa. neko, nemuri. neoma. neomi. nepeta. nevada. noir. nyamu. nyasia. nyx. olwen. onyx. oreo. orpheus. owen. paris. pawelek. pawleen. pawline. paws. popoki. poppy. prince. princess. pumpkin. purresse. purrette. purriette. purrlina. purrse. ragdoll. ravae. river. ruby. scar. selene. selenia. shade. sleepesse. stitch. stripe. sunny. sunrise. sunshine. sylvester. sylvie. tab. tabby. tabitha. thimble. tigris. tilly. tiny. tom. treat. valorie. vulpes. whisker. whiskers. willow. yue. yume.

PRONOUNS ⌇　(=^･ω･^=)/(=^･ω･^=). /ᐠ｡ꞈ｡ᐟ\//ᐠ｡ꞈ｡ᐟ. :3/:3. >:3/:>:3. >:3/>:3. >ww<. ^^/^^. ^^/^^. ^w^/^w^. ado/adore. ash/ash. aw/warm. bell/bell. bit/bit. bite/bite. ble/bless. blizz/blizzard. bow/bow. box/box. ca/cat. calm/calm. candle/candle. car/caracal. carni/vora. cat/cat. cat/nip. caterwaul/cayerwaul. catnip/catnip. cha/chase. chan/chance. chase/chase. chatter/chatter. cheer/cheerful. cher/cher. chew/chew. chom/chomp. chub/chub. cla/claw. claw/claw. claw/clawed. cli/climb. collar/collar. cookie/cookie. cozy/cozy. cu/cute. cud/cuddle. cuddle/cuddle. cute/cute. cute/cutie. dark/dark. des/destiny. dream/dream. drow/drowsy. eep/eepy. ey/em fa/fate. fang/fang. fay/fem fe/line. fel/feline. feli/dae. feli/feline. feline/feline. fi/fish. fish/fish. fleur/fleur. fli/flip. flick/flicker. floof/fluff. fluff/fluff. fluffy/fluffy. for/fortune. fri/friend. fu/fur. fur/fur. fu/fuzz. fuzz/fuzz. ga/to. gloom/gloomy. happ/happy. hi/his. hiss/hiss. ho/hop. hope/ful. hu/hunt. hunt/hunt. hunter/hunter. hy/hymn. hyp/hype. intro/vert. jagu/jaguar. ju/jump. kat/kat. kit/kit. kit/kitten. kit/kitty kit/kitty. knea/knead. kya/kya. lawl/law. lawl/lawl. leap/leap. lion/lion. lu/luck. luv/luv. lynx/lynx. mao/mao. me/meow. meo/meow. meow/meow. mew/meow. mew/mew. miau/miau. miew/miow. mil/milk. milk/milk. mimimi/mimimi. mlem/mlem. moon/moon. mrow/mrow. mrr/mrrp. mrreow/mrreow. mrrp/mrrp. nap/nap. neko/neko. night/night. nip/nip. noct/noct. nom/nyom. nya/nya. nya/nyan. pa/paw. panth/panthe. panth/panther. paw/claw. paw/paw. pawpad/pawpad. pessi/pessimist. pet/pet. petal/petal. pi/pink. pitter/patter. pla/play. play/playful. pou/pounce. pr/prr. pra/prance. prowl/prowl. prr/prr. pup/paw. purr/purr. quiet/quiet. ribbon/ribbon. ro/roll. roll/roll. sca/scratch. scra/scratch. scratch/scratch. sha/shake. shade/shade. shadow/shadow. shy/hyr shy/shy. skit/skitter. slee/sleep. sneak/sneak. sniff/sniff. snooze/snooze. snow/snowflake. soft/soft. spe/speak. spi/spin. squi/squish. sta/stare. swe/sweet. sweet/sweet. swi/swipe. ta/tail. tail/tail. tig/tig. tig/tigri. tiger/tiger. tire/tired. tired/tired. toy/toy. tre/treat. tri/trick. trill/trill. vae/vaem vix/vixen. waf/waffle. warm/warmth. whis/whisker. whisk/whisker. wonder/wonder. ya/yarn. yarn/yarn. yaw/yawn. yawn/yawn. yip/yip. yowl/yowl. zoomie/zoomie. zz/zz. 🍣 . 🐅 . 🐆 . 🐈 . 🐱 . 🐾 . 💤 . 😺 . 🥛 . 🦁 . 🦴 .

[5sosfanfictioncatalogue]

Christmas Angst Masterlist

All the hues of blue (ao3) - FalseDevotion calum/ashton E, 172k

Summary:

“My favourite is Blue Christmas.” Calum said quietly, eyes trained on the box, apparently fascinated by the array of Christmas decorations inside it. “Isn’t that song kind of sad?” “Isn’t 'kind of sad’ the definition of Christmas?”

Or

Sometimes a casual encounter can help you see everything in a different colour.

Apricity - @ashtcnirwin (elivigar) michael/ashton T, 23k

Summary: In which Ashton and Michael miss their flight home for the holidays and are forced to spend Christmas together.

don't cry, i know you're trying your hardest (ao3) - ashtonsbabygurl michael/calum G, 843

Summary: It's Christmas and Calum is sad because he couldn't give Michael what really he wanted.

if we make it through december (ao3) - allsassnoclass (brightblackholes) luke/ashton

Summary: “I didn’t tell them,” he blurts. Ashton falls silent on the other end of the line. “My family. I didn’t tell them about the breakup. And I know that I should’ve and I swear I will, but Gram asked about you today and it’s probably her last Christmas with us and you know how much she loves you. I couldn’t do it. It’d break her heart, and I can’t do that to her. Not right now. So if you-- I mean. What I’m trying to say is that you��re still invited to Christmas, if you want. You don’t have to, I can make an excuse for you, and I swear I’ll tell them after the holidays, but I thought maybe… maybe you’d want to see them one last time.”

In Your Sweet December Haze (ao3) - fourdrunksluts calum/ashton N/R, 19k

Summary: It’s been years since Ashton’s last seen his best friend's dorky little brother, Calum, but when their families decide to get together for their first shared Christmas since they were all kids, it’s more than just the holiday spirit that pulls Ashton in.

It's Too Cold Outside For Angels To Fly (ao3) - lukey_irwie luke/ashton T, 66k

Summary: Ashton Irwin is a volunteer at a homeless shelter in London. On a snowy November night he helps his step father find people to take to the shelter and ends up finding this boy named Luke. Ashton thinks Luke is gorgeous and slowly falls for the younger boy but he knows he can't do anything about it. First off, it's against the rules, secondly, Luke has been through a lot and a boyfriend is probably the last thing he's looking for, third, Luke probably doesn't even like Ashton back and fourth, Ashton is kind of still recovering from a previous relationship. But what if Luke does like Ashton back, will Ashton admit his feelings or continue to push them aside?

Or the one where Luke is homeless and shaken by his past and Ashton is the human embodiment of an Angel who rescues him. Luke starts falling for Ashton despite knowing Ashton would never love someone as worthless him.

Also the one where everyone can see Ashton and Luke like each other, except for Ashton and Luke of course.

Lullaby (ao3) - thesaltyspice calum/ashton, background luke/sierra N/R, 5k

Summary: “Yeah it is, I found a radio show last night actually, did you know the university has a radio show?” Ashton asks. Luke shrugs and Ashton continues, “Anyway, the show is called Nyx’s Lullaby and the host is just….” Ashton’s voice trails off as Luke groans.

“You’re in love with a stranger again, aren’t you?” Ashton’s face turns bright red, spluttering.

“No I am not! He just has a very nice voice,” Ashton mumbles, “and his whole show seems really interesting, it actually helped me get to sleep last night.”

or

Calum hosts an anonymous radio show and Ashton is obsessed

Meet Me Under the Mistletoe (ao3) - allsassnoclass (brightblackholes) michael/ashton, background luke/calum T, 15k

Summary: Michael has been letting everyone at the office believe he has a boyfriend for the past few months. Things become complicated when they ask to meet his boyfriend at the company winter party.

Of The Second of December and Claustrophobia (ao3) - orphan_account luke/ashton T, 2k

Summary: Michael takes the four of them Christmas decoration shopping: it doesn't go well for Ashton. Luke is there though so it's alright.

There Must Have Been Some Magic (ao3) - Maluminspace michael/ashton G, 4k

Summary: Back in the summer, Ashton had been sure that Michael had no flaws at all. He was kind, sweet, funny, gentle and cuter than any other guy Ashton had ever laid eyes on. However, when Michael had started decorating his desk with tinsel and other festive crap, in mid November - Ashton had realised that no one, not even the pretty angel that sits at the desk by the window, with the dazzling smile, was perfect.

It was only when Ashton had realised that Michael’s enthusiasm for Christmas was the thing he considered a huge negative personality trait, that the older man realised just how much of a Scrooge he really was.

Or

Ashton is the office Grinch and Michael maybe a little too enthusiastic about Christmas.

This December - @daydadahlias (cornflowerblue (daydadahlias)) luke/ashton T, 21k

Summary: “I’m gonna stay here,” Luke returns pathetically, “by myself. I’m gonna be alone for fucking Christmas.”

“Well you won’t be alone alone,” Calum replies. When Luke looks up, confused, he nods his head to the side to where Ashton is setting his bag down and pulling out a chair. “Ashton’ll be here.”

Or, the one where Ashton and Luke are stuck together for the holidays, Ashton hates Christmas, and Luke is trying to make him fall in love.

you could call me babe for the weekend (ao3) - tutorgirl ashton/everyone

Summary: when luke bails on ashton for a series of romantic christmas dates that he has planned, michael joins him instead.

or 12 days of christmas.

[wintermarmalade]

How does one make a doll? Not many know this (or want to acknowledge it) but all sentient things have a soul, even dolls. Most rituals involve pulling in fragments of astral holograms and echos of past lives wandering aimlessly through the ethereal plane with the goal of anchoring them to a body of your own design. As one might expect, the conscious experience of this newly formed spiritual amalgam is incredibly disorienting, which (most of the time) leaves it extremely open to suggestion.

This is where the more skilled witch will carefully assist in bringing these energies to form in a way that is desirable to them, and continue to enforce their desires for it after the doll has come to life (as a doll's soul needs quite some time to stabilize, or solidify, after being formed). However, most do not have the understanding or the intuition to do such a thing with much consistency, which leads the creation of a soul to be an inherently chaotic and unpredictable process.

An inexperienced witch will never know what bits of personality and desires they pull from other realms until they watch them take form within their doll, and will know nothing of how to shape these mismatched dreams to their will. Needless to say, this can often result in a very undesirable or even dangerous spirit being created.

[wintermarmalade]

Apricity

God, everything hurts. Am I in a bed of charcoals? Where is this? Her thoughts were slow and disorganized, head filled with mud. She strained to open her eyelids and take in her surroundings. She was in a large, unfamiliar bedroom. It contained a modest dresser, vanity, bookshelf, and a table lined with jars of plant materials and writing utensils. A soft light filtered through a curtained window to her side. It was all so clean and organized, unsettlingly clean, in fact. She felt... out of place here. She thought about lifting herself up, but it only took a twitch of her hand shooting a sharp pain up her arm to tell her that was a bad idea.

Memories of the ritual she performed started filtering through the static. Oh, that's why I hurt. She wasn't sure if she wanted to remember more.

She glanced down to see what she could of her body. A thick blanket covered most of it, but she could see the mosaic of red, angry lines on her shoulders reaching down her arms, as well as the charred sigils on her chest. The wounds seemed to be several days old, at least, but were also freshly cleaned. Am I.... dead? Still stuck with this cursed body? Figures.

The door to the room opened quietly, and a white figure entered and gently shut the door behind it. Her eyes couldn't focus well enough to make out it's details, but the room itself seemed to brighten when it entered. A warm, coddling comfort began to flow within her, and the aches in her body seemed to calm a little. This must be an angel, and I'm definitely dead.

The form approached with an ethereal grace and silence as it's features came into focus. It's skin was lustrous and pale, hair long and silvery-white, it wore a small but ornate snow-lace dress, and had angelic wings elegantly draped down it's back. It's face bore a soft, caring smile, and it's eyes were a glittering dark blue that reflected light like a sapphire star. Star... sapphire... oh..... OH..... Is this the doll?! Alive? My ritual worked?

The angelic doll pulled a small stool from under the bed and sat next to her, her porcelain skin and ball-jointed hands now apparent. "I see you've awaken, Nyx. How are you feeling?" Her voice was impossibly silky and gentle, it felt otherworldly.

Her question didn't register, she was frozen, trying to process so many things at once. How... how could this have been made from myself? She's so radiant, so divine.

She stared in awe for several moments before managing to express the most urgent question in her mind. "Why am I here?"

"What do you mean?"

"I ripped my soul apart to make you, the remaining pieces should've been scattered after my body gave out and died, I'm not supposed to be here." Sharp pains all over her face reminded her of the cuts there, and that she shouldn't be getting too worked up.

"You did nearly bleed out, I was worried that I wasn't even able to stop enough of it in time." She said with a touch of fear in her voice. "But it would seem that your body and soul are more resilient than you expected, even if just barely."

"But..... why? Why save me?" She asked in exasperation.

"You are my other half, I want you to be here with me." She expressed genuinely, enough for Nyx to nearly believe it.

"You are all the good that was left in me. All the good that I ripped out, I am all the bad that was left behind. There's nothing in me to want." She winced in pain from moving her face too much again.

The doll looked at her with a deep sadness in her eyes, "I don't think it's so simple, Nyx."

Nyx thought for a moment, but was too exhausted to dwell on it much more.

The doll sighed softy and turned to pull a mortar and pestle out from the nightstand drawer along with a mixture of herbs and started slowly grinding them. "I was throwing out your old bandages before you woke up, this will go beneath your new ones once it's ready. I hope it doesn't sting too much."

Nyx closed her eyes and tried to sift through her muddy brain without much success before remembering that she had no idea where they were.

"Wait, where are we?"

"You don't recognize it? This is your room. It was a disaster, so I cleaned it up. Don't worry, everything is organized the way you used to do it."

"Oh.... um, thank you." She responded unsurely. She had forgotten how pretty all the engravings she had made in the floor were. It still felt inappropriately neat, however.

"You seem to know who I am."

"Of course, we share all the same memories up until the night we split."

"......Makes sense. Sooo, what should I call you?"

"I've been thinking about that, and I think I would like the name Apricity."

"Apricity... okay. It's pretty."

"I thought so too." She said with a blush. "Are you ready for the salve? It'll sting a lot, and there's a lot of area to cover." Apricity asked with a gentle worry.

Nyx gave her an incredulous look and gestured to the rest of her body with her head. "I'm sure I can handle it."

Apricity looked at her with concern, but trusted her, and began ever so tenderly rubbing the paste on her arm. Nyx tensed from the immediate sting, but took a slow breath and kept herself still.

"Is this okay?" Apricity asked softly.

"Fine." She responded through slightly clenched teeth.

As she continued applying the salve up her arm and onto her shoulders, Nyx began to embrace the stinging and relax her muscles a bit. While intense, there was something satisfying, almost soothing even, about the pain underneath her cold porcelain fingers. Once done, she quietly walked around the bed to treat her other arm and shoulder, then very carefully lifted the blankets to the end of the bed with extra care to not let them rub on her skin, exposing the rest of Nyx's wounds.

She couldn't help but notice Apricity pause wistfully in view of the elaborately cut patterns and burn marks running up and down every part of her body, as if staring at a just-shattered vase. While it only lasted a brief moment, the apparent concern for her body was unfamiliar, and in contrast to Nyx's indifference.

She continued with the burns crossed over her chest and stomach, then inch by inch went down her hips all the way to hey ankles

"You're doing so good, are you still okay?" Apricity asked in a somewhat motherly tone.

"Mhm."

"Good, just one more spot, when you're ready."

Apricity waited for her nod before reaching out to brush her dark hair out of her face, Nyx wincing at the touch. She then lightly traced her forehead and brow back and forth until the salve was rubbed in, then gently massaged the marks on her cheeks.

"All done! You took it wonderfully."

Nyx's only response was a deep exhale.

"How are you feeling?" Apricity asked, a bit quieter.

".......Tired." She looked like she was ready to pass out.

"Good, you still need rest. Just close your eyes and relax while I wrap you back up."

The angel's voice drifted through her mind and stilled any wayward thoughts as she sank back into the mud.