#Anyways its the last day of my 'vacation' so I'm gonna go out with a bang and have one more night of fun

[cosmic-ships]

future Kaden from responding to past me's post that didn't upload properly. I tried a straight shot of tequila just because I wondered what it was like.... I had 4 more after that. then decided I probably should not take anymore shots because D doesn't have a lot of tequila left and I don't have $60 to replace it lmfao

[cheolaholic]

ring of love; csc (05)

summary; agreeing to join vernon spectate an underground boxing match wasn't how you'd expect to spend your friday night. you also didn't expect to see seungcheol, someone you've lost contact with for years, become a part of the ring.

modern! au • boxer! au • hhu focused • multiple kinds of tropes • fluff, angst, smut

a/n;; omg, i'm alive????? jkjk, work's been piling up lately and i'm honestly drained by the time I get back home so I couldn't do much writing or even qc the draft before yoinking them into a tumblr draft 💀 but anyways, hope yall enjoy this chapter !! uri boo makes a small little cameo in this chapter :D a part of the angst in this fic has also arrived, pls be prepared (it’s not that heavy tho).

You were 15 when you experienced your first ‘heartbreak’. Though, you call it a ‘heartbreak’ solely because it was a “for the lack of a better word” situation. A week before summer break, your parents had announced that the three of you would be flying off to Jeju to visit your grandparents.

You adore your grandparents, and they adore you just as much. Before you started middle school, you remember constantly flying off to Jeju, or even taking the ferry, to visit them every holiday and school break possible. Even during the initial stage of your move to the small town, your parents had sent you off to your grandparents as they sorted out the heavier parts.

Your grandparents had brought you to the beach, taught you how to make kimchi and even brought you to one of the fireworks shows during your stay. But, when you started middle school and were bombarded by a shit ton of schoolwork, you weren’t able to visit them as often.

So, you were ecstatic when your parents announced the Jeju trip. Both Aki and Seungcheol could see the excitement and happiness in your eyes as you told them about your plans.

Aki asking you questions about Jeju while Seungcheol listens to both of you with a small smile on his face. “how long will you be there, pup?” he asks, cheek leaning against the palm of his hand.

“Uhm… I think maybe for two weeks? I’m not really sure… Dad did ask mom if she wanted me to tag along with them to London afterwards…”

“Oh? What are they gonna be doing in London?”

“They have a business meeting that lasts at least two days. But, they decided to stay back a week for a mini vacation.”

“Do you want to go?” Aki asks as she pops a piece of strawberry into her mouth, stealing a glance at Seungcheol, noticing the way his shoulders are slumped at the mention of you thinking of joining your parents overseas.

Dude looks like a puppy not wanting its owner to leave it alone… she thought to herself, finding the scene in front of her amusing.

“Well, whether or not you want to join your parents, I’m sure you’ll enjoy yourself regardless!” she spoke.

“Take good care of yourself, pup,” Seungcheol added as he reached out a hand and patted your head, sending a faint blush spreading across your cheeks and a teasing smile on Aki’s lips, “If you ever need anything, call me, okay?”

“Or me!”

The older male rolled his eyes at Aki’s words, smiling when you nod your head.

“Seungkwannie!” you squealed out in happiness as you ran up to your cousin who was standing out at the gates of your grandparent's house, engulfing him in a big hug. “I can’t believe you’re here! Mom and Dad said that you’d be in Biyangdo!”

“And miss out on the chance to spend time with my favourite cousin? Never!” Seungkwan proclaimed as he pecked your cheek. “I haven’t seen you in years, ___! There’s no way I’d pass off the opportunity to spend time with you while you’re here!”

Seungkwan is your cousin from your mom’s side of the family. Before the age of 5, you don’t remember much about meeting Seungkwan other than the stories both your parents would tell you over family dinners. For example, when you asked them about the scar Seungkwan had on his chest, his dad said you were the one that left it on him. They proceeded to tell the story of how you had scratched Seungkwan because he had refused to let you watch Pocoyo on tv when both of you were just 3.

Or when his mom would ask you if you remembered Seungkwan hiding in the closet to scare you, but you ended up crying because you had thought he went home. So, instead of scaring you, he came out of the closet and both your parents found the two of you cuddled up on the floor the next morning

After Seungkwan helped you and your parents move the luggage into your grandparent’s home, Both of you sat on the porch, drinking the lemonade your grandmother had prepared. “How’re you, aunt and uncle doing?” he asks, “I heard from Uncle Lee that you’re starting high school soon! probably in a few months, right?”

“Things have been the same, besides the whole mom and dad having to go overseas occasionally and I had to stay with either Aki or Seungcheol.”

“Speaking of Seungcheol, how’s that little crush of yours on him going?” Seungkwan asked with a teasing smile, nudging your sides, “Ever thought of telling him before he graduates? There’s a chance he might head off to the big cities or even abroad for college.”

You were silent for a moment.

You have thought about telling Seungcheol your feelings, but you never thought about the timing. Now that his graduation is nearing, you still haven’t told him. As you were still stuck in your thoughts, Seungkwan places a hand on your shoulder, “Well, whatever happens, I wish you happiness.“

“You say that as if I’m leaving you forever.”

“Hey, let me be sentimental!”

Just as you rolled your eyes, you felt your phone vibrate - you had gotten a text from Aki.

aki: did you make it to Jeju safe? ___ bestie <3: yeap! ___ bestie <3: i’m with my cousin rn ___ bestie <3: [sent an attachment] aki: ooh, he’s cute ___ bestie <3: want me to introduce you? aki: gurl aki: don’t try to matchmake me when you’re struggling to tell Seungcheol about how you feel aki: and besides aki: your cousin is cute, but he’s not my type ___ bestie <3: wow ___ bestie <3: you really just did me dirty aki: i’m just saying ___ aki: better tell him before you lose the chance aki: besides your romantic struggles aki: have fun and take lots of pictures! aki: can’t wait to see them when you get back <3 ___ bestie <3: i will!

“Are you gonna stay here with grandma and grandpa while Aunt and Uncle Lee fly out to London?” Seungkwan asks as you set down your phone, refilling his glass of lemonade. You shrugged, still debating on whether or not you wanted to join your parents. “I’m honestly stuck in between… On one hand, I want to see what other countries are like. On the other, I haven’t seen grandma and grandpa in years…”

Your mother who was on her way to give you both a plate of strawberries overheard the conversation and tried her best to help you with your indecisiveness. “___, sweetie,” she began as she set the plate on the wooden porch floor, “you can always travel in the future when you’re all grown up.”

“That sounds like you just want her to stay here in Jeju so you and uncle can enjoy yourselves without her presence,” Seungkwan teased, earning a forehead flick from your mother.

“Well, she’ll be in your care too, Seungkwan. I hope I won’t return to a sassy, diva daughter after leaving her here with you.”

Seungkwan gasps dramatically, placing a hand over his chest at your mother’s statement. “Aunt Lee, I’m hurt and offended.”

“You’re just further proving my point, Seungkwan.”

“Hey, the sass could end up helping her in the future!”

cheollie: hey, pup cheollie: mom said you and your parents made it to Jeju safely cheollie: how are you feeling? cheollie: did you get motion sickness during the flight? cheollie: did you eat dinner yet? sweet pup: ehh, the motion sickness wasn’t that bad sweet pup: grandma made lemonade :D sweet pup: and yes, i ate dinner! sweet pup: grandpa grilled some mackerel sweet pup: [sent an attachment] sweet pup: and look at how fat the strawberries are :0 sweet pup: [sent an attachment] cheollie: wow cheollie: those look good cheollie: hey, do you think it’s alright if we have a call? sweet pup: like, right now? cheollie: yea sweet pup: oh sweet pup: um, let me head out to the porch cheollie: take your time, pup

As you quietly exited the room you were staying in and out onto the porch, you picked up Seungcheol’s incoming call, feeling the butterflies in your stomach intensify when you heard his deep, “Hey, pup.”

“Hi, Cheollie! Have you had your dinner?” you asked, getting a small hum as a response. “Dad got a deal with a big client so he bought steak for us. Mom also cooked calamari.”

“Wow, it must’ve tasted amazing…”

“Yeah, it was. But, tell me about your dinner, ___. I’m sure you had more than just grilled mackerel.” Seungcheol chuckled, a blush spreading across your cheeks as you mentally cussed at how the older male still has an effect on you despite being 2 hours away and talking to you through a phone.

“Well… Mom made raw crabs and seafood soup!”

“Looks like my little puppy is eating well... That’s good.”

“Is there another reason you wanted to call, Cheollie?”

There was a moment of silence on the other end, making you slightly anxious. You hear a faint rustling, thinking he must be lying on his bed as he’s talking to you. A sigh was heard before Seungcheol told you his motive for calling you - and to say it had you on the floor was an understatement.

No, this man had you envisioning a future with him.

“I miss you.”

When you didn't respond, Seungcheol got worried, calling out your name on the other end while you remained stunned at his confession.

“U-uhm, yeah?”

“Did that make you uncomfortable, pup?”

“No, no, it just… It just caught me by surprise…”

You hear Seungcheol chuckle, and more rustling can be heard before he speaks again. “Well, I’m used to having you around me, twenty-four seven, ___. It feels weird when you’re not.”

“I’ll be back in two weeks, Cheollie. You’re being dramatic!”

Maybe he was, the older male thought to himself. But, he pushes that thought to the back of his head as he finally tells you the real reason he’s calling you.

“My parents are thinking of bringing me to Seoul this weekend to check out a few unis… I just thought that I’d let you know since, y’know… I’m graduating soon…”

Your heart sank at the mention of him graduating. You knew it was bound to happen - you even told yourself to not be too sad when he does end up moving out of Daegu for college. But, to hear it coming from Seungcheol himself, the reality hit harder.

“Oh… Well, I’m happy for you!” you tried your best to hide the sadness in your voice, though he still picked it up. “Pup, I’m not going away forever. You’ll still see me when I come back during breaks and when you leave for college, you can come over to Seoul, too!” he assures you, chuckling to himself as he continues, “Maybe our parents might even have us share an apartment so I can watch over you.”

Humming, you stared up into the sky, mesmerised by the stars that were scattered along the blanket of the night sky.

“___?”

“Yea…?”

“Remember what I taught you during our taekwondo sessions?”

“What about it?”

“Don’t forget how to use them, okay? Can’t have my little puppy all defenceless now, can I?”

you bit your lip as Seungcheol went on with his words, how he wished he could stay in Daegu longer so he could spend more time with you. How he wanted to explore the bigger city in Daegu with you (where he implies it being just two of you and without Aki who would often nag at him for having a bad taste in things).

“I’m gonna miss you…” you muttered quietly, not knowing how or what else you were supposed to say. You weren’t going to tell him about your feelings, that’s for sure. but, a part of you wished you could.

Who knows? Maybe you both could end up being something.

“It’s getting late, pup. you must be tired from the flight and settling in. Goodnight, ___.”

“Goodnight, Cheollie…”

When the call ended, you stared at the screen of your phone, a million thoughts racing through your head. You couldn’t put a finger on it, but you had a sinking feeling in your stomach. perhaps you were overthinking the whole situation or something wrong was bound to happen. Whatever it was, you quietly got back into your room and crawled into bed.

Something didn’t feel right.

It was the weekend Seungcheol was due to head to Seoul to have a look at the city and attend a few of the education fairs - and not once, had you gotten a single message from him.

In fact, in the days leading up to that weekend, he had been quiet too. His replies were either short, took too long or there weren’t any replies at all.

It makes you feel uneasy.

“Still no updates from loverboy?” Seungkwan asks, glancing over your shoulder and peeking at your phone, seeing the wall of texts about how the past few days have gone down for you. When you sulkingly shake your head, Seungkwan’s heart aches as he sees his favourite cousin down in the dumps.

“Hey,” he calls out in a gentle tone, throwing an arm around your shoulder and pulling you close. “Maybe he’s just caught up with those college things. Sooner or later he’s bound to update you, right? Besides, you should be busy having fun here in Jeju!”

Looking at your phone one last time, you shoved it back into your pocket and let Seungkwan drag you to a food street, saying how they added more delicious treats since the last time you visited.

By evening, there was still no news about or from Seungcheol. You’ve tried calling him multiple times, but they all end up going to voicemail. It was starting to affect you and your parents began to take notice, but decided to not question it for fear of triggering an episode. After dinner, you decided to call Aki in an attempt to get some form of comfort.

“I just don’t understand, Aki,” you told her, “I texted him, even called him but I got nothing! What if something bad happened to him?”

“Hey now, you’re probably overthinking things. He might just be sorting those uni documents out - you know how lengthy and taxing they can be. Maybe, he’s just tired and needs some rest!”

“You think so?”

“It’s just a guess, ___. whatever it is, I’m sure it isn’t anything serious.”

Oh, how you wished it really wasn’t anything serious.

When the time came to send your parents off at the airport for their trip to London, you had sent a message to Seungcheol and yet again, you got no response. One thing you came to realise in recent years, was how big of an over-thinker you are. It was something you hated and while your family, Seungcheol and Aki have done whatever they can to help you lessen your overthinking, that still doesn’t stop it from creeping up on you from time to time.

Seungkwan does his best to cheer you up. Bringing you to more food streets, a maze field, and even the seaside to take your mind off of Seungcheol but alas, it was as if Seungcheol had taken over your mind just like the virus in ‘The Last of Us’. One evening as you sat on the sand of the beach, staring off into the horizon, Seungkwan came up and sat next to you.

“I know this might not sound nice, but you can’t let something like Seungcheol not responding to you ruin your trip, ___. Sure, it’s upsetting having someone you’ve known for years and care for go ghost on you, but it’s kind of… pathetic, to let it ruin what could be a fun summer vacation.”

As much as those words hurt you, Seungkwan was right.

You hadn’t seen your family that lived in Jeju for years and now that you can, you’re letting something like your crush not responding to you ruin it. “Then, what should I do, Kwannie…?” you asked, wiping the tears that were starting to stream down your face, “I don’t wanna leave Jeju knowing I didn’t get to spend time with you and our grandparents…”

“How about you try calling him only once? If he doesn’t pick up, we’ll forget about it and move on, okay?”

You give it a thought, minutes passing by before you pick up your phone and dial Seungcheol’s number, placing it near your ear.

“We’re sorry, the number you have dialled cannot be reached.”

Seungkwan noticed your body shaking as you redialled the number, your breathing starting to grow shallow.

“We’re sorry, the number you have dialled cannot be reached.”

“___?” Seungkwan calls out, placing a gentle hand on your shoulder. When you began to cry, he pulled you into a hug, rubbing your back as you cried your heart out. “Shhh, it’s okay, ____. it’s okay.”

When you got back to Daegu, your heart dropped at the sight of the empty house next to yours. the entire house looked as if it were fully emptied (which it was) - the potted plants Mrs. Choi had displayed on the gates were nowhere to be seen, the shoes that were neatly arranged on the shoe rack weren’t there anymore, and the Choi’s family car wasn’t parked in its usual place.

“I guess they must’ve moved since Seungcheol is going to start college soon…” your mother tells your father who hums in response as he unloads the luggage from the trunk of the taxi. When she notices the sadness and tears in your eyes, she immediately starts comforting you.”Oh, sweetie… Does it upset you that much?”

“I… I couldn’t even say goodbye to him…” you sobbed out, “I couldn’t even see him one last time before he left…”

“Oh, princess…” your father coos after bidding the taxi driver goodbye, hugging you tight as your mother does the same, “I’m sure he feels sad for not being able to do the same, hmm?”

“Will… Will I… Will I be able to see him again?” you asked through hiccuped sobs, wiping your tears away as more kept spilling. Your mother nods, giving you a pat on the head. “I'm sure you will, honey.”

“He said he’s thinking of joining University of Pledis, right?” your father asked, a small smile on his face when you nod, “Then, you just need to study hard and get in there too! That way, you can finally be reunited with prince charming!”

despite your tears, you still manage to laugh at your dad’s tease. “Dad!”

“Ah-ah, don’t think we didn’t know about your little crush on Seungcheol, ___.” he responded, chuckling as he gave your arm an assuring squeeze.

“Whatever the future has in store, I’m sure the two of you will meet again.”

taglist (unable to tag a few ㅠㅠ)

@yoonclip @1004luvangel @catjunhui @mystikha @spk93 @tinkerbell460 @yoozuku @dnylwoo @christinewithluv @limbomoon @plutoxxxworld @i-give-up-1234 @m1ngyuc0re @yunloyal @leclercloverbot @bettybeako @billboard-singer @ocyeanicc @krupyadoorrahe @seobinnieshi @xcynthiaaa @k411z @disneyprincesshuri @sunnyapp @khxsh @staygenezy @loufi8iepuff @ursweetener @noisypapergalaxy @wonwootakemyheart @sugainpinksweater @leah-rose03 @thisisnotthelastofus @yearnoclock @kwonhoeshi @minhui896 @ohmygodwhyareallusernamestaken @ru-lin @deobiforever @belladaises @cheoliekkuma @duskunt1ldawn @hyneyedfiz @marshmallowshouse @ak6ko @chwevernonlover @jejuboo-s @tsukinluv @atinytinaa @gyros-cum-sock @soupbinlily @jungwoos-luvr @ener-energy @watermelon-sugars-things @cyberpunkhwx @ddaengpotate @nightwingsrobbinhoods @chaerrylov3r @joshuaahong @wonussmile @uliceeeeeeee @wonwoo24 @shinetogether17 @simplejihoon @luvkpopp

[gweninred]

OMFG HEAR ME OUT I've been thinking about this for a while now and I'm going insane.

Reader organizes a very romantic dinner (candlelight, ambient music and all that), making Melissa's favorite dish, getting her flowers..

. and THEN reader gets on Mel's lap and end up giving her lap dance and just makes Melissa feel good and fucking her silly till she's absolutely spent..

ok im gonna go hide now..

Taking care of

I love this request! I’m not comfortable writing smut, so I won’t be writing that part, I’m sorry. Just leave the last part to your imaginations 😭 I hope you like it anyway and thank you for requesting!

-

You placed the flowers you had bought for your favourite redhead in a vase. White tulips. You set them on the middle of the dining table, then starting to make dinner, gnocchi. Once again Melissa’s favourite. She had thought you how to made some of her famous Italian dishes. Following her family recipe you had saved in your notes app to make the dish. You noticed your girlfriend was quite stressed lately, ever since she had to teach two grades, she would come home extremely stressed and exhausted from her day at work. But the oh-so good girlfriend you are, will always be there for her to comfort her and help her relax.

By the time you had finished dinner you had placed it in the oven to keep it warm until the redhead will be coming home. You made sure to light up some scented candles, switch the big lights off and turn on some slow romantic music.

“Baby?” Melissa shouted after banging the front door close. You could hear her bag drop on the floor. “I’m upstairs!” Stroking your hands down your sides you looked at the dress through the mirror. A hum of approval came from the teacher as she peaked her head through the opening of the doorway. “Looks good on ya.” You smiled. “There you are, honey.” You wrapped her arms around her neck, pulling her close. Her arms found its way around your waist, kissing the side of your face. “I missed you.” She murmured against your neck.

“Come with me.” You pulled away to grab her hand, leading her downstairs. You made her sit down at the table.

“I called your mom to get the recipe. I know you’ve thought me how to make it but I kind of forgot.” You giggled, placing the redhead’s favourite dish in front of her.

“This is so thoughtful and sweet, honey.” Melissa grabbed your hand from across the table, she kissed your knuckles. “And you got me my favourite flowers.” Another kiss was placed on your hand.

“I hope it’s good, I don’t want you to break up with me for making the sauce wrong.” You joked, Melissa’s gaze softened.

“Of course not.” She was in a sweet mood, you cooking her favourite dish and getting her flowers clearly did something to her. “Well, I’m not sure nonna is going to let you marry me actually.”

“Oh, hush now, eat.” You popped open a bottle of red wine, pouring two glasses. “Barolo.” You took a sip, humming at the taste. You had bought the bottle of wine on your vacation in Italy, saving it for a special occasion to open the bottle. “And? Would Nonna approve?” Melissa chuckled, her mouth stuffed.

“I think she would, you nailed that.” Proud of yourself you take a bite, nodding in approval.

After dinner Melissa insisted to do the dishes, her filling the dishwasher while you cleaned the rest of the kitchen. “I made dessert for us too, but we can eat that later tonight, I’m full.” The redhead pinned you against the kitchen counter. “Me too.” Her voice was raspy, one hand resting on the side of your face her other hand leaning on the counter, keeping you trapped. Her hand moved in your hair, brushing it through her fingers. Your eyes lingered down to her lips. Closing the gap between you, the teacher kissing you. You caressed her curves.

“I missed the taste of your lips.” You murmured against her lips, kissing her again.

Then Melissa pulled away, to sit down again. “Hey! Get back here.” You whined. A chuckle was heard from your girlfriend. You followed the other woman, taking a seat on her lap. “I’m so lucky to have you, you’re so good to me, honey.” She placed her hands on your thighs kissing you. The kiss was heated and became sloppy.

“No, I’m so lucky to have you!” You pulled away to push your pointer finger against her chest, the redhead giggling. “Just let me make you feel good.” You whispered in her ear, then biting it slightly. Melissa had to drawn back a groan. You got up from her lap and went to stand behind her. Your hands placed on her shoulders, you glide your hands over her breast down to her waist. Melissa placed her hands over your guiding them over her body. Your head was next to hers, kissing her neck.

“You have no idea what you are doing to me.” She rasped out, leaning back into your touch. “What am I doing to you?” You walked around her, taking a seat on her lap again, Melissa’s hands immediately grasping your butt. “You are driving me wild.” She went to kiss you again.

“Have me just like this.”

[jimsbeetroot]

𝐈 𝐢𝐧 𝐬𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐧♱ 𝐣𝐢𝐦 𝐫𝐨𝐨𝐭

hopefully, i will be able to make this a series, of reader and jim on their vacation (ergo, why its called I in Spain, as in the first day)! i really want to anyway!

-

"You’ve got to be kidding me.”

Jim's face dropped as he looked over at the large - but empty - hotel pool, his surprised eyes quickly shifting back to your grinning ones.

“If you want to have sex, we’ll find someplace else, but I’m not fucking you in a hotel pool.” 

You pouted, desperately hoping that your quivering bottom lip would win Jim over, but he only shook his head and looked away.

“Why not?” You mumbled, staring into Jim's chest as you fumbled with the strings of his hoodie. 

Jim was practically bent in half, his chin resting on your head as he tiredly skimmed the crowded hotel lobby. 

Jim had finally gotten the green light to go on a vacation, and the two of you had packed your bags for two sunny weeks in the south of Spain.

“Let’s just go to our room,” Jim suggested. He grabbed your hand, but you snatched it from his grip.

“But I want to go into the swimming pool!” You whined, stomping your foot into the tiles of the hotel lobby. 

Jim shushed you and looked around, making sure that no one was staring at the two of you.

“I want you to fuck me in the swimming pool,” you giggled, but Jim wasn’t laughing at all.

“This is not funny, Y/N,” Jim shook his head and grabbed your hand again. This time, you didn't even have the chance to protest before you were dragged down a hallway by your 6'6 foot boyfriend. 

Jim held the luggage in one hand and your hand in his other.

He pushed the elevator button, and the two of you waited silently for a while, before a brilliant idea washed upon you.

"I even packed my best swimwear. You know, the pink two-piece?" 

You said, and Jim stared back at you with an unamused glance. He knew that you were trying to get a reaction out of him. 

He was the one, who had bought you that bikini, but not to have you flaunting it to everyone. No, that was a bikini strictly for his eyes.

"I might just go without you, then," You huffed as the two of you stepped into the elevator.

Jim had let go of your wrist. He stared at you with a clenched jaw and tilted his head. 

"In that bikini? Fucking forget it," Jim chuckled, seemingly thinking you were joking, but looking at your pout and angry stare, he slowly realized that you were dead serious.

"It's just a bikini, James. Why did you buy me a bikini, if you don't want me to wear it?" You asked and looked up at Jim with a question-marked grimace.

"I'm just saying; I think you could've chosen a pair that didn't show that off that much," Jim said. He knew, that you were the master of analyzing words down to the bone, and just as he'd feared, your brain began decoding his last sentence.

"Oh, so you own me? Well, maybe you should pack my whole suitcase the next time we travel. Or maybe, you should just approve everything I ever wear. That way, we'll be sure to"

"Okay, calm the fuck down," he hissed and nipped your upper arm as the elevator stopped and an elderly couple walked in. You glared at him and rubbed the red spot on your arm, where Jim had left a mark.

The elevator was silent, as it went up, finally stopping at your level. You walked out, Jim following behind you with the key card.

You stood by the hotel room door and waited impatiently for Jim to unlock it. When he did, you hurried in and threw yourself on the bed.

Jim placed the luggage on the ground and rubbed his shoulders, clearly exhausted from a whole day of travelling. But you were loaded with energy.

"Listen, I'm gonna take a nap. Come join me. Maybe we can take a swim later."

Jim laid down on the bed and reached an arm out for you, but you huffed at his gesture.

"I don't want to go to sleep now, James. I wanna go swim," you whined, stomping slightly as Jim turned around, back facing you and closed his eyes, pretending not to care.

"Fine, then go," he mumbled. You huffed at his response.

"Fine, then give me the key card," you responded. You knew, that you needed the key card to lock yourself into the swimming pool, but also to get back into the room again.

Jim didn't respond. 

"James, I said give me the key card," you said with a stern voice. He had it on him somewhere, but where? That was a great question.

"Go get another one, then we'll have one each," Jim said. 

He would've never suggested that if it wasn't for your absolute fear of talking to strangers, especially when you didn't speak their language. Just the thought made you all nervous, and Jim knew that, that son of a bitch. 

He knew, that you wouldn't dare to go ask anyone alone, and Jim had no plans of moving from the bed anytime soon.

"I'm serious, Jim. Just give me the key card."

You were starting to get pretty riled up, and Jim knew that. Everything at that moment, depended on that idiotic key card.

You scanned him up and down. He was wearing a pair of jeans and a black T-shirt. Couldn't be that hard to get a hold of, you thought.

You walked over to the side of the bed, where Jim was lying, looking down at him. "Give me the key card," you huffed and pushed his shoulder slightly, although he didn't move.

"Give me the key card," you repeated, pushing his shoulder a little harder this time.

Jim didn't react at all. He just lay on his side, arms crossed against his chest, his long legs folded towards his upper body

"Jim, give me the key c-"

Before your hand could make contact with his shoulder, he - in a swift move- lifted his hand and grabbed your wrist tightly.

"Don't you think you've crossed enough lines today?" Jim sighed, eyes still closed and grip still tight around your wrist. You struggled to get out of his hold, but it was no use. He was, indeed a great deal stronger than you.

"Let me go," you hissed, trying everything to get away from him, but then you spotted it. There, the key card was, slightly sticking out of the front pocket of his jeans. Without hesitation, your free hand went to grab it, only just getting to touch it before Jim's other hand grabbed yours.

You probably look ridiculous, standing above your boyfriend, wrestling him and losing terribly. Jim thought it was hilarious, mostly because you both knew, that you didn't stand a chance against Jim. 

Jim managed to roll you over him and into the space next to him. Now, he was hovering over you, pressing your hands against the mattress.

"Let me go!" You hissed through pursed lips and shook a strand of hair away from your eyes.

Jim shook his head and sighed, "Let's take a nap."

He folded his arms around your upper body, his chest pressed against your back as he hugged you so suffocatingly tight, disallowing any possible movement from you.

His legs kept yours closed, weighing them down.

"Let me go, James," you huffed and moved the only limb, not secured by Jim. You only managed to lift your hand a little, before Jim grabbed that too and locked your hands.

"Just relax, babe. We're on vacation, remember?"

If you could move any part of your body, you would've hit Jim so hard, but you were completely locked in, with no chance of escaping.

"I'm sorry, that I'm not super calm when fully restrained," you replied sarcastically.

Jim only hummed a reply. You were not about to lay there, waiting for him to wake up.

"Let me go!" You hissed and wriggled your body as much as you could, desperate to get out of his grip, although you were admittedly beginning to get a little tired.

You didn't stop wriggling around until Jim let out a guttural moan. All you had been doing was just grinding your ass against the crotch. You hadn't done this on purpose, but you'd made his cock hard as a rock. You could feel his stiff member poking your ass through his jeans.

"Congratulations. You get your way like you always fucking do," Jim whispered.

Honestly, you'd completely forgotten about the pool. All you could think about, was Jim moaning into your ear, as you began forcing your hips backwards, rubbing your ass against his hard cock.

Shifting his hold on you, Jim had both your wrists in his hand, still holding you tightly and secured. The other had snuck beneath your tank, his massive hand fumbling your breast. You moaned at the sensation and closed your eyes, throwing your head back against Jim's shoulder, mouth open.

Jim removed his hand from under your shirt and trailed it slowly, painfully slowly down to the waistband of your shorts. By now, not only were the panties you were wearing utterly soaked, but a big wet spot was starting to take form in the crotch area of your denim shorts.

You tried to break your hands out of Jim's grip. You desperately wished to tangle your fingers in his hair or tug at his arms, but you couldn't move your hands.

A whine left your lips as Jim unbuttoned your shorts with one hand and slipped his long fingers into your underwear.

His index finger ran a few times up and down your slit before pressing his index- and middle finger against your clit, rubbing it slowly. You rocked your hips back, moaning and whining. Your nails dug into the hand, Jim had them wrapped in. 

Swiftly retrieving his fingers, you griped but shut yourself up when you felt Jim pulling down your shorts along with your panties.

His fingers returned to your soaking cunt. He used the leg, which he had used to keep yours closed with, to spread your legs apart. This gave him full access to your dripping crotch.

His long index- and ring finger slid into the soaking entrance of your cunt, digging deep inside of you. A piercing screech left your lips at the sensation. Your back arched as Jim used his thumb to rub your clit, still drilling his lengthy fingers into your cunt.

It was just about too much. Thankfully, Jim decided to let go of your hands. One hand immediately went to his hair, while the other grasped his veiny forearm.

Your mind was all over the place and your eyes were rolled far back, everything suddenly disappearing when Jim removed his hand from your cunt. He uncurled himself from your side and suddenly, there was no touch to be felt.

You were just about to complain until you realised that he was merely taking off his jeans.

"Take your shirt off," he ordered. You followed his order immediately, suddenly sitting completely naked.

Jim removed his T-shirt along with his underwear, cock springing out, hard, dripping with precum. You bit your lip at the sight and rolled onto your back, but Jim pushed you to lay on your side again. 

He laid down, his chest once again pressed against your back, only now, his cock was bare and throbbing against your heat. Jim kissed your neck roughly, surely leaving marks. You attempted to turn your body to kiss Jim's lips, but his massive hand went around your throat, gently forcing your head down on the pillow.

His long fingers once again went down to your cunt, wasting no time to force them into your cunt again, causing a mighty howl from you. He only pumped his fingers a few times before removing them.

"Always gotta test the waters," he whispered, hand still wrapped around your throat. Jim lined his cock up at your entrance, mumbling a quiet, "Ready?" but wasted no time, waiting for an answer before driving his cock deeply into your cunt.

You screamed and threw your head back, the new position blowing your mind away. Jim's pace was fast and steady. Deep and thorough.

His hips pushed up, every thrust filled with an unbearable force. His arms crossed over your chest, each hand grasping your tits hard. Your nails dug into his forearms, so deeply that you could've sworn, that you'd heard a wince leaving his lips.

A series of cusswords along with Jim's name repeatedly left your mouth, Only a few thrusts later, you were sent through the roof with indescribable feelings of fireworks in your stomach.

The noises, which left your mouth were difficult to describe, and they didn't stop, just because you'd reached your climax. Jim was chasing his high, but his thrusts continued at the same, insane speed, which persisted until he also came, hands tightly grasping your breasts.

He hummed your name over and over again until his body finally released itself of its tension and unstiffened. Jim's grip softened, and as soon, as he'd unhanded you, you turned around and hugged him, his arms immediately closing around you.

[floufli]

Admit It

Chapter 1 : Discoveries (3.7K)

Summary:

Before the whole "multiverse collapsing" thing, everything was going pretty smoothly for you. As Spider-woman, you saved people, beat up villains and lived an calm and uneventful civilian life. But everything seemed to have changed the moment one boy was bitten by some radioactive spider. Now, the villains you faced have become more active, and always seemed to disappear before you could deliver them to the police. One day, you manage to finally catch the trail of the ones that kept stealing your catches, only to be left to discover another facet of your life waiting for you.

Will this end well for you? You could only hope so. But you are perfectly okay with risking it all, after all, that "Miguel" got one hell of an ass to make up for it.

Tags:

Miguel o'hara x fem!reader, violence, mature language and reference, Reader has the same arms thingies as Miguel, WILL BECOME MINOR NON FRIENDLY QUICK SO HOP HOP GET OUT OF HERE, future tags

MasterList

Chapter: 2

Author notes:

I deleted the post by mistake and almost shot myself. Otherwise hope you'll like it, I'm not a fanfic poster so I don't know my writing skills. ANywAyS. Enjoy.

Don't copy to another site or I'm gonna be big mad >:C and don't feed to AI obviously

A sight escaped your lips as you gazed upon the lively city before your eyes. With your hands grasping firmly onto the tissue of your mask, you let your eyes wander across the breathtaking buildings in front of you.

Fond of architecture wasn't the best term to describe yourself, as the sight of grey concrete and skyscrapers often became boring for someone like you, who spent all day and night in between the small gaps of each building. But it was where you spent most of your life, so you were sometimes forced to admire its beauty, even when said beauty had become the daily norm.

Positioned on top of some fancy building surely made for yet another big cooperative profit, you gaze at the horizon as the sun set, ending yet another long and tiring day. You closed your sensitive eyes as you appreciated the last few rays of sunlight that reached your face, your hair flowing freely behind you, now free of the mask's restraints.

If one would have told you you would become some spider-woman that fought for justice at your city scale, jumping from building to building by shooting webs to swing on... Yeah, you would have surely told them to go see a therapist. And yet there you were, a bit sore after today's load of work fighting some local thugs and one freak that tried to blow up a boutique. You were quite lucky if you were being honest. Only leaving the scenes with some minor bruises and a few cuts here and there on your body, could have been worse.

You really needed to get yourself a better suit, you thought. As this one had grow to become a bit too thin and easy the slit open for your taste.

The air had a slight chill today, announcing the forthcoming winter and with it the decrease in crime rate. After all, even criminals didn't like to spend the day out while it snowed like there would be no tomorrow, leaving the entire city covered in a pure white blanket, seemingly erasing the blood embedded in its pavement, only to be left with a much appreciated calm after yet another eventful year.

The image in your head was barely months away, and still, you couldn't wait for your much-needed vacation. Beating up some serious threats to the people had always left a satisfying aftertaste in your mouth, but even you needed a break from time to time to catch your breath.

Lost in your thoughts, you didn't notice the tight grasp you had on your mask, leaving your hand marked by your fingernails. Exhaling heavily, you put the piece of fabric back on your face, the arachnid-like design concealing your identity from the population.

You stood up from your previous crouching position on the edge of the skyscraper, mind at peace just as you went to jump off the edge.

Your foot dangled into the void below as if touching the shining light of cars and street lamps down below. Finally shifting your weight fully, you felt the familiar falling euphoria take over your enhanced senses. The sudden drop disoriented you for just a nanosecond as your body plunged down rapidly. Air blowing in your ears, you allowed the fall to last as much as your survival instinct let you.

It was relieving, the soreness of your body seemingly forgotten as you went down straight for the ground, letting you feel as if you were flying peacefully, and not at all risking being spread out on the concrete floor.

Ending the moment against your best wishes, you cast one of your webs onto the height of a building facing you, leaving your break behind you and swinging forward onto who knows what, maybe a villain or two- or even some nitroglycerine maniac.

You were the only one capable of protecting New York after all. Who could do this job except the one and only spider-woman?

"Miguel calm down. It's not that big of a deal you know?" Lyla's voice tried to soothe the agitated man. But to no avail.

The tall man was perambulating across the room, his steps echoing heavily into the gigantic hall.

"I can't, I can't that's it! This is definitely it! I'm going to lose it. Lo fucking juro." His tensed body roamed in a desperate attempt to calm himself down. Fingers pinching his nose, he tried to prevent the headache that was surely coming his way.

His failure at doing so was quite obvious, to say the least. Heavy breathing left his imposing form as he glared at his AI assistant.

"Not that big of a deal?! Do you have any ideas of what could have happened if at the time this maniac had managed to achieve opening a portal between universes? That would have-"

"Put the whole multiverse at risk of being destroyed blah blah blah .." Lyla interjected, gaining another furious red glare from her boss.

"This isn't funny Lyla for fuck's sake. I'm trying to save lives here." He stated in defeat. "The whole ordeal could have been easily avoided if he just didn't get bit by the spider. You know just as well as I do how much two Spidermen can't be at the same time. Their dimension would be a bomb waiting for the slightest disturbance to be completely annihilated."

"How did you want him to know to "just don't get bitten by the spider " Huh? It obviously crawled its way to him without him noticing, you know JUST LIKE EVERY OTHER SPIDERMEN IN THE MULTIVERSE EXCEPT YOU??? "

The small image of the woman flickered for a few seconds with annoyance, teleporting from her current place to right in in his face. She went from standing calmly to looking down at the huge man below her, hand grabbing her hips firmly to reinforce her statement.

"..."

If looks could kill she would surely be concerned for her life, lucky she was to be immaterial.

Stop worrying so much we're in the clear now. She thought angrily.

Closing her eyes as she let out a heavy sigh, her shoulder falling down, she tried to reassure her boss once again.

"Listen Miguel, we're all good now the multiverse is safe, and everyone is back in their own dimensions. No need to mull over it for hours now~~" She cheered, flickering to more dynamic poses to cheer her boss up. "Besides, if you keep ruminating all day you'll worsen your eye bags." She said as she mimicked a circular motion below her own.

"It's not because we avoided the destruction of all the worlds once that we should just stand by and wait for it to go south again!!! What if another just tried to-"

He was cut off once more as the hall suddenly shone in bright red light, blinding his oversensitive eyes, and leaving him squinting and hissing at the unwelcome light. Arms shooting straight up to protect his vision, he ordered Lyla to find the problem. Fast.

"Well, THAT'S SOMETHING I DIDN'T THINK ABOUT MIGUEL!?" The AI assistant yelled, her form teleporting across the whole control panel, in a matter of seconds she went through all the data that had suddenly come up in the system. While Miguel's face was now covered with his mask, whilst the radiant light still shone brightly in rapid blinks.

Using his webs, he swung to where his assistant had abruptly frozen, her floating 2D body facing one of the central control panels of this unit. With careful steps he closed the distance between them, coming forward to see what the screen had displayed. At first, he didn't notice anything out of the ordinary, the usual universe's data such as each local Spiderman, recent major events, etc...

He froze when he saw the pop-up that took most of the central panel, his heart almost stopping as he reread, again and again, the words on the screen. What did it mean? They never had something like this happen before. Surely the little interdimensional perturbations caused by the ones on earth 1610B had created a bigger mess than they could have ever anticipated.

! ANOMALY DETECTED !

Those were the words blinking brightly on the display, along with the regular sound of an alarm claiming all of their attention.

"¿Qué demonios...?" Miguel murmured, more to himself than to Lyla. Both their eyes wide open as they gaze upon the unfamiliar words, unsure of what to do now. What the hell was an anomaly? And what were they supposed to do now?

Feeling eyes on himself, he turned his head to face Lyla's, only to be met with the same uncertainty he could feel was slipping out of his covered eyes. It wasn't often that he would be left speechless and unable to make a decision, but this time he was at a complete loss. Unable to do much more than gape at the screen along with his assistant, a dreadful feeling sent a chill throughout his entire body, causing his whole form to tense significantly.

He didn't know what exactly he was supposed to do, but despite his lack of spider sense, he could trust his instinct; and whatever was waiting for them later on, it wasn't pretty.

A bit less than a year later

- BEFORE ACROSS THE SPIDER VERSE MAJOR EVENTS TIMELINE -

"Vulture, it's about time for you to think about retirement, Jezz." You declared while avoiding another of his rapid attacks just before he launched himself back up into the sky, out of your reach- or at least that's what he thought.

His laugh echoed into the now-empty streets of New York, the panicked crowd having left in a hurry the moment both of you started fighting for real.

You were positioned right below him at the moment, feet embedded into the ground, ready to propel yourself to him if the right occasion appeared. Times like these had come to be an usual occurrence in the last few months, which was kind of weird if someone asked you. It was as if every villain in the city and its surrounding had suddenly decided to come out to cause havoc.

And you were beginning to grow tired of the incessant attacks that occurred almost every day by now. Local problems like thieves or terrorists were easy to deal with but these kinds of villains needed much more of your time and energy than any other. Your arms and legs were starting to let you know of their limits too, if this was to continue for longer you weren't sure you could keep up.

And why do they always looks so different each time?

Exhaling a last time before jumping straight towards your enemy, you let your arms' spikes fully out, ready to strike down. Webbing the building just behind his flying form, you were able to come to him a mere seconds, surprising him as well as wiping the smile off his face.

"SHIT- WAIT-"

But his words only met deaf ears. Your arms aiming directly for his face, you had learned long ago that spearing your enemies only brought out more bad than good. So now when you fought, whoever might be your opposants, you were determined to use all of your spider strength, even if killing was the only solution. You would not be risking the lives of thousands of civilians just because of the ambitions of one individual. And you weren't naïve, if they could, they would kill you in the blink of an eye.

The impact was immediate and ruthless, leaving no room for escape after the strike. With your enhanced senses, you could easily pick up the sound of bones cracking below your knuckles, the sound lasting only an instant before Vulture's entire frame was launched into one of the decommissioned building a bit farther from the main city.

You may have gone a bit overboard with that one.

Not wasting a second to avoid him escaping you again, you swung your way toward the point of impact. An immense gaping hole was now, where before stood some form of architecture. It was positioned not more than twenty meters above the ground, so you knew that if he wasn't on the floor of the impact, he was surely still in the building.

I would have seen it if he just jumped out of it.

Landing gracefully upon the now bare floor, you searched for your prey, using all of your faculties to make sure you weren't missing anything. But you heard nothing, saw nothing either, only smelled the faint smell of him intertwined with other unfamiliar ones. Ones that were too fresh to only be coincidental.

"What the hell is happening again?" You said in consternation, it wasn't the first time that this happened to you. In fact, since the moment the attacks multiplied, you had almost always lost track of your attackers. You weren't perfect, you knew that, losing track once or twice every now and then would be normal knowing the nature of your job. But now it was redundant, except for a few times, you always came back empty-handed. Leaving the police just as confused as you were, even if you tried to explain to them what happened again and again. Some even began to question you competences.

This time was exactly the same as the others, you lose their sight for less than a minute and when you arrive they're already gone to who-knows-where.

That was really beginning to put your nerves to the test.

Angry, you tried to cool off by shooting one of the cans left there by its last inhabitant, causing it to hit one of the last standing pieces of furniture still standing- at least it was standing, until it abruptly collapsed on itself because of the harsh force of the hit, provoking a loud chaos in its fall. Most of what it contained was now spilled on the floor in a glorious mess.

"Oops"

You winced at the involuntary action, apologizing to whoever might come across this in the future.

"What the hell what that?!"

You froze in your tracks immediately, adopting a fighting stance on pure instinct. This was a girl's voice, you were certain of it, but what would a girl be doing here? Next to a fighting scene?

"I don't know and we don't have the time to investigate, we need to get this one back in his dimensions as fast as possible or Miguel will beat our asses." Another voice, a bit deeper answered. A woman this time, you thought, preparing yourself for a fight.

Were they the ones that continuously stole your catches for months now? Dimensions? Was that it? The final explanation for all this overload in your job? You didn't think of that one. Even if you really thought of it, you were almost happy with yourself to not have thought of this silly idea.

Well silly, it seems like- Anyway. Focus.

"Still I feel sorry for the Spider-woman that lives here, should we not let her know about it now? I mean, she is constantly fighting them and we just come to gather the pieces while she does all the work. Seems a bit unfair to me." The young girl responded.

By now you had silently come to rest on one of the walls facing the hole in the building, just next to what was once a door, but now deprived of anything door-like except for the gap in the wall. Putting your head on its surface, you were able to pick up the sound of their shoes along the floor, each of their movement, as well as the sound of struggling. As if they had contained somebody.

From the sounds, you could guess that there was a pretty long hallway that should be a least thirtyish meters from the echo of the voices alone.

So they really are the ones that kept taking them to wherever they came from.

"It's not something up to you or I do decide, Girl." The woman said, and just as she finished, you heard some weird beeping sound as well as a sudden detonation.

Oh heelll no. I'm not letting you go before you answer some questions.

Jumping to your feet, you bypassed the wall separating you from the two strangers, only to be met by a huge ball of light that almost blinded you before you could close your eyes.

Fucking sensitive eyes.

Regaining your senses fast, you quickly approached the two (well technically three but you chose to ignore him) before they escaped to wherever this portal thing would be taking them. Thanks to the detonation, you were able to walk to them without being noticed by either of them.

"Hey there, mind explaining what you doing here?" You stated, not more than five or so meters away from them, hands on your hips while you eyed them from head to toe. They were two, that you got right. And the weirdest thing of all was that they looked so much like you, smelt like you even. The youngest was dressed in a white and black outfit that looked like yours, while the other was a visibly pregnant woman with a red and black colored suit, the only difference being her glasses being her glasses whereas you and the girl both wore masks.

You could effortlessly see the panic in the youngest demeanor as she repeatedly looked from you to her 'friend', said friend on the other side looked kind of fed up. Her hand went to a sort of watch that she had on her wrist, the gadget looking way too advanced to only be a simple watch to your tastes.

"Miguel, we have something unexpected on our end what do we do?" She said as she locked her eyes with your covered ones.

"I'm kind of busy at the moment what is it ?" A masculine voice answered from the device. The deep tone causing a wave of chill to run through you, leaving you confused.

Damn, what was that?

Am I really that desperate to get laid seriously?

You reprimanded yourself, for real, since when did you let yourself be horny when you were working. You would have to find a way to get laid when you finished your day.

"The local Spider-woman has spotted us..." She said while looking at you unimpressed.

"Then just get out of there quick, what do you want me to do?" The man said before letting out a heavy sigh, the sound reviving a strange fire inside you, before some other noise, moving furniture you guessed, took over the communicator.

Stop that.

"That's the problem, Miguel, she is quite literally right in front of us and looking quite unpleased with the situation."

"..."

For whatever reason they didn't seem to enjoy the fact that you had seen the whole ordeal. The silence stretched agonizingly long before what you guessed to be their boss spoke again.

"I won't be back to the HQ before a few hours." A pause, as if to think carefully of his next words. "This dimension is where we detected the unusual number of anomalies isn't it?"

"Yeah, it is. The bright side is that we have the one from today thank to her once more."

She smile at you warmly, trying to let you know that neither of them was a threat to you or your world. It worked in a sense, but you already knew that there was no need for you to be on your guard too much around them. Your instincts were telling you that these two at least were safe to be around. For the mysterious man on the other hand you didn't know, the weird reactions of your body unusual even to you.

" *Sight* Qué desastre..." He murmured in what you recognized to be Spanish. " Bring her into the HQ, if she managed to control all of them she could be a good ally on our side if she is fit for the job."

" I'll let Lyla know and make another goober. Try to not fuck it up this time."

And just like the conversation ended.

"What a jerk." You thought out loud, surprising both of the women facing you and causing the oldest to laugh lightly.

"You get used to it after a while, that's just how he is."

You crocked an eyebrow at the comment, that didn't mean he was allowed to be a impolite jerk but anyway. Bringing your attention back to the young girl that was now lifting the tied-up body of the Vulture, you felt kind of lost. What was that all about? Anomalies? Local Spider-Woman? They were other like you? Where the two Spider-Women too from other dimensions? The more you learned about the strangers, the more you were confused and left with more questions, as you didn't want to make false assumptions.

Sensing your hesitation, the woman approached you carefully before putting a hand on your shoulder.

"I know it's a bit much to absorb at the moment but you'll understand when we will get to the HQ. Only if you want to go I mean. You're not obligated to follow us, even if Miguel authorized you to." She said before whispering something to herself that you almost missed, but thanks to your amazing hearing didn't. Something along the line of 'he isn't so compliant per usual.'

Looking behind her as both the girl and the Vulture disappeared into the bright portal, you made your decision.

"I mean, what should I do? Just stay behind and miss all the fun? Nah. You got me curious now so you better have a good justification for all the jackasses that got my ass sore for the last few months."

You didn't mean for it to sound like that.

But it was too late anyway, and surely she understood what you meant. And by the smile playing on her face, she did.

"Yeah, don't worry we got everything prepared for that."

Retracting her arms from your shoulder, she turned around to face the portal. As she took a few steps you followed, still a bit apprehensive of the unknown device. When she disappeared like the other two moments before, you exhaled heavily, steadying your breathing.

"Oh, Fuck it."

And just like that you launched yourself straight into the entrance, silently praying that this thing didn't mind rapid moving objects moving through it or else you would be quite fucked.

.

Tag list : (tell me if you want to be added/deleted)

@stany0url0calwh0res111 @mira-dystopiancore @smotheredinlighterfluid @vvitcxen @st4rrlighttt @mstozierr @maxi-ride @miguelsmainb

[wanderingpages]

‧͙⁺˚･༓☾Gentle Sins AU☽༓･˚⁺‧͙

“Are you going to help me take my clothes off too?” I meant it to sound teasing – I wanted to show him I could play his game too – but I was breathless, I was buzzing with anticipation.

“You know it wouldn’t end there, Jude,” he gave me a wry look. “It's a shame,” he rose and ruffled my hair, “It's a shame you’re my sister,” he murmured, needlessly reminding me. “Because that was some damn fine pussy, baby.”

TFOTA // All Human // AU : Jude and Cardan do things step-siblings shouldn't do.

Trigger Warnings: Crude language, Allusions to Drugs/Alcohol, Debauching Catholicism/Religious Metaphors, Taboo Sex.

Shoutout @headcannonxgalore for holding down the set ❤️

Jude's POV

Cardan is never home – at least not when I am, which is usually always. As far as I knew, he stayed with his dad, went on long vacations, and otherwise only met up with his mom once in a while. So, it irks me a little when I see him waiting for me after my last final, asking, “Are you ready to head home?” Home – as in my home.  

He waits for me to pack and say goodbye to my friends, then leads me to his car, and holds the door open for me. “You’re staying with us?” I ask a few minutes into the drive, finding whatever was on the radio to be a little annoying and dull. I open the glove compartment, nosily, sifting through the pack of wipes and snackbars, and pull out a thin worn out book. It’s mostly a discolored yellow, with red writing, in french, La Chute – The Fall by Albert Camus. I flip through the pages, surprised to see dog ears and sticky notes throughout. 

“My father isn’t in the country, and why be alone, when I can be with my favorite sister?” His eyes are on the road but his wry smile is directed at me when I glance up at him. He reaches over and takes the book from me, tossing it to the back of the car. “You don't need existentialism now, Jude.”

I grimace; it’s not as if I could read French anyways, though it is surprising that Cardan has that copy in its original language. “Is it your favorite?” I ask. I wiggle my brows, “Do you think you, too, have fallen from grace?”

His smile is Cheshire in response, “Since the day I met you, little sister.” I cross my eyes upwards. 

I scrunch my nose,“You can be so….” I trail off, wanting to say infuriating or annoying, but I didn't really need to, he already guesses it. 

He responds, “Likewise.” He must sense the incredulous look I give him because he checks me, “You could have said no. To the drive home,” he says, for instance. “Me, in your dorm,” he begins to list, making me feel incredibly self aware. “Walking you home from the party – being in the same room as me at that party, actually. Ghost would have found someplace else if you asked. Even prior to that,” Cardan tells me, “You could have told me no at the reception. But you didn't. We have these cute little trysts for a few hours and then you pretend it’s never happened. I guess you’re kind of like your dad, in that way.” He says the last bit quietly, but I frown all the same. Before I can ask him what he means, he admits, “It’s okay, I’m like my dad too, for even putting up with it. I guess I like being strung along.”

“Cardan…”

“I like stringing you along, too. It's fun to see who’d last the longest. It’s fun to see how far this would go. Do I get to drag you to hell with me, little sister?”  I should be bothered by Cardan’s words, but he’s not wrong. His introspection makes the car feel stuffy, so I roll down the window and let the air rush in. He grins and turns the dial on the stereo louder, singing along softly to the lyrics as if they are proving his point. “And you'll find yourself praying up to Heaven above, but honestly I never had much sympathy 'cause those bad things, I always saw them coming for me…I'm gonna run, run away, run, run away, run away…” Bad Things by Cults – it is a jarring song; calm and disruptive, a lot like how it feels being in this small space with him. My pointer finger grazes the knuckle of my thumb absently. I rest my head back, listening to his voice. 

“You’re kind of a dick,” I finally tell him. Of course he knows this, but saying it out loud made me feel less lousy about how he’s painted me.

“I must have gotten it from Mom.” I frown at that, finding it to seem untrue. The more time I spend with Cardan, the more my view on my stepmother starts to shift

I hesitate to ask about his dad, to go back to the reason he’s driving me home – Asha’s first husband. Did Asha string him along? Is that what Cardan was getting at? Is she doing the same to my father and I? Is my father aware? “Why didn’t you…” I trail off when I realize it really isn’t  any of my business, but still, he prompts me to continue. “I mean, I guess, why didn’t you spend more time with Asha? Did she not have shared custody of you or something?”

His eyebrows shoot up, and I turn in my seat to look at him, waiting to see if he’d tell me to fuck off or not. What he says instead, throws me off, “Asha was deemed unfit to parent.” I blink hard at this, in disbelief. If he notices, he doesn't say anything about it. Instead, he shifts the conversation to me; asks about my mom.

“She… I don’t know,” I admit, probably for the first time in my life. “She left me – us, Dad and I, when I was five. I don’t know where she is. I think she’s started a new family somewhere else.” I face forward and rest my elbow on the door handle, absently nipping at my thumb. As an afterthought, I say, “Maybe she’s dead.” he hums out a response, but he has no clue of the spiral he’s sent me on. Or maybe he does, and that's why when we stop for gas at the next rest stop, he tosses me a first aid kit. He waits until I put the antiseptic cream on and wrap thin gauze around my knuckles. My cheeks heat; he had noticed when my fingers started to bleed. In truth, Cardan doesn't really even need gas, so I say thank you and give him a bright smile when I’m done. 

He tilts his head and reaches for my hair, brushing it back behind my ears. He looks like he wants to say something but thinks better of it at the last moment and instead asks if I’m hungry. “There’s a diner a few miles ahead.” biding more time with him, I nod my head and let him pay for a meal. 

The diner is cozy, but I’m not in the mood for a big meal, so I settle for a slice of cherry pie. We are at the darkest corner of the diner, and while it feels pretty private, I’m still keenly aware of the scatter of guests coming and going. Because of where we are seated, it takes some time for the waitress to notice, then even more time for our food and drinks to arrive. We are mostly forgotten here in this pocket of the diner. I don’t think I mind much, though.

I steer the conversation to less heavy and more neutral topics. I ask about the frat house and why he’s not actually a part of it. When he tells me his dad donates a hefty sum of money to the college, that surprises me. I guess, there really is a lot about him I had no idea of. “I'm an honorary member,” he shrugs, “It’s kind of hard not to be when Daddy funds their lifestyle.” I crack a smile because Cardan can be dorky sometimes. I ask about his relationships with the other members, I suppose wanting to know more about his stance on Ghost, really. If he would have been okay with anybody creeping into his room with me that night. “Ghost is my best friend. It would have been a fight had it been Locke or anyone else,” he divulges, and though I shouldn't be startled by his honesty, it still makes me feel a little too warm. Then he admits, maybe selfishly considering his track record for the past few weeks, “If he had gone further, I would have buried him.”

My eyes get wide and when I say, “That's not fair,” it comes out in a whisper.

“I know.” 

Cardan had ordered a burger, so when it finally arrives, he pushes the platter more to the center of the table and tells me to eat some of his fries; he halfheartedly jokes that I'd probably get sick if I only eat sugar for lunch. I take a few to appease him, nibbling them almost thoughtfully. “That's a visceral reaction,” I come to terms with. “Your best friend?” I blush when I remind him quietly, “you’re the one who told me to open my mouth.”

“I rather his load in your mouth than on your body or in your cunt,” he says graphically. I cough in shock but he’s not bothered. “Plus, I think you look cute with a dick in your mouth.”

I scowl at him after reaching for a sip of soda. “What makes you think you have any right over my body?”

“I know I don't.” He picks at a fry, “I told you, baby, you could have said no.” I’m taken aback but I should know by now, my step brother is anything but a liar. I ponder his admittance of jealousy, but also his acceptance that he really had no say - only what I let him have say over, and I realize, I let him have say over a lot. “You could have ignored me and hopped on his dick. Maybe it would have been a blow to my ego, but then I probably wouldn't be in this diner right now with you.” He always says so much while saying so little, doesn't he? “Anyways, if you decide to tell me to fuck off and pursue Ghost instead, you should walk around with condoms, because I know he doesn’t.” It’s so offhanded that I don't even really process it as anything more than banter. 

“I’m on birth control,” I tell him indignantly, willfully ignoring all else that was said. “I don't want to be with Ghost, anyways.” I let him take that as he may and I dig into my pie as if to end the conversation there. I want to let him know I don’t want to be with him either, but that would be lying and despite myself, I just couldn’t tell Cardan to fuck off.  After a while, I notice him staring. “Do you want some of my pie,” I offer.

“Is that a euphemism?”

I shift my head to the side as if I’m actually thinking about it. My feet finds his under the table, and with my legs crossed, I have enough leverage to use my ankle to softly graze up his leg. “Do you want it to be?”

He catches hold of my ankle, uncrossing my legs to place my foot on his thigh. I lean back in the booth a little awkwardly, and lick at my cherry coated spoon. “What's the pipeline between mommy issues and wanting to bend your sister over the bathroom sink?” Cardan muses.

“Stepsister,” I tell him. I wiggle my foot in his grip. I have on snow boots and leggings, not at all looking as sexy as I feel right now. 

He shrugs and with his free hand, reaches across the table and dips two fingers into the center of the slice. “It makes no difference to me, Jude. Sister or not, I’d want you the same way I wanted you then, the same way I want you now.”  I watch as he pulls them out slowly, completely coating his fingers with the sticky sweet maroon. I follow his fingers to where he hovers them in front of his mouth then sticks his tongue out and flattens it against his digits, tasting the honeyed tart. I shiver and twist in my seat, eyes slowly drifting up to find his dark ones already piercing into my soul. 

“And…” my words come out breathy against my will. “How do you want me, now?” I play with fire to condition myself. Hell is hot, I’ve heard, and maybe Cardan does get to drag me there with him.

“I want you to copy me,” he says, huskily, startling me, my eyes growing wide. “I want you to stick your fingers in your panties and do what I do.”

My breathing gets erratic in mere seconds. I look around the near empty diner, like if I’m actually contemplating it. “You’re crazy,” I whisper. His eyes are teasing, daring me to say no to him, proving his point all over again when I don’t.

Cardan grins, “Take your jacket off, put it on over your lap. Don’t worry, baby sister, it’ll be our little secret.” His teeth scrape the tip of his fingers. I’m crazy, too, I think, as I do exactly what he asks. “I bet it’s already wet,” he leans over the table, talking quietly. I slip my hand beneath the elastic material of my leggings then under the cotton of my panties, glancing to see if anyone had caught on. Cardan catches my chin, fingerprinting it red and turning me to face him. “Is it?”

“Yes,” I whisper, embarrassed, but not enough to stop. “Soaking.”

“Good girl. Now watch,” he instructs, leaning back. He guides my leg to the side of him, spreading my thighs wider. He takes his cherried fingers and separates them into a V Shape. The tip of his tongue traces the inner part, slowly. I swallow thickly, shaking as I let my fingers follow along, circling the outside of my pussy, mirroring his movements. 

My leg beside him starts to tremble, but with his free hand, he holds me still, caressing me soothingly. He tongues the crook of his fingers and I hesitate before I begin rubbing my clit with matching vigor. My eyes flutter, and I try to hold in an embarrassing noise as my head falls back against the cushioned seat. My eyes are still trying to focus on him, matching the pressure, matching the rhythm, though struggling to even stay at half mast.  I bite my lower lip when he presses his fingers together and strokes between them wetly. He licks his own lips then asks, “How do you feel?”

“Good,” I mumble. Scared – “Nervous,” I admit, looking at him with blown out eyes and heat erupting all over my body. My fingers shake, but the shallow caresses make me shamefully wet. “Cardan,” I silently plead, my chest moving up and down sporadically, my stomach tightening, muscles contorting. “Come here,” I beg.

Without a word, Cardan complies, getting up from his seat to sit right next to me. I pivot slightly, leaning sideways into the booth. He strokes my hair back soothingly, and traces my lips with his still stained fingers. My lips part, just a taste of the cherries slipping through. I moan quietly and he says, “Don’t stop, okay, Jude?” I nod my head as much as I can with the way he holds me. He paints my lips methodically, over and over, and I find my fingers mirroring him between my legs. He watches, fixated on the way my mouth parts and moves, gasping and widening for his fingers to slip through. “I think…I want to do to you what Spring does to cherry trees,” he murmurs. “Open you up…watch you bloom.” 

My eyes screw shut tightly. His fingers probe my mouth, pressing down on my tongue. My fingers slide in too, entering with a slow pressure. He strokes inside my mouth and when he tells me to suck it clean, my stomach knots in response. I do; I suck until there is no trace of cherry left, no red stains or residue, and I finger myself in tandem. He pulls out of my mouth, a trail of spit losing connection when he finds his way under the jacket, following my hand, and adding his finger to my two. I whimper at his intrusion, and think, disoriented, three. Three fingers. 

He licks up my chin before he kisses me, letting me taste the forgotten smudge he’d left on me, while he slowly works both our digits inside of me the way he wants. I hold on to his sweater with my free hand, fingers gripping tightly as my toes begin to curl. My painfully quiet whines are being swallowed by him greedily. 

I yank him closer to me when the waitress comes by. I forget to breathe when she makes a squeak and with horror, my eyes flit to her blushing cheeks. She smiles bashfully, “Oh don’t mind me,” she says, not at all realizing what is happening under the table, “Here’s the bill, you love birds,” she giggled. God, we must look like teenagers making out back here.

Cardan pulls away only slightly, fingers replacing my frozen ones gently pushing them away, and sliding his two fingers deeper into me. My head falls forward, hiding my face in his sweater when he curves them just right. “Sorry,” He tells the waitress, holding my gaze. “I just missed her so much,” he lies. “Missed her in my arms,” he murmurs.

“Oh hush, don't be sorry,” the waitress says almost fondly and I feel only partially sick over it. She sounds further away, “I was young once too.” 

“Missed her pretty face when I made her come,” Cardan continues, speaking to me alone, lips touching mine every so often. He pumps me faster and I take a chunk of his sweater into my mouth, biting down on it so hard my jaw hurts. “Missed the way she felt when her pussy gripped my fingers.” I feel like I’m on the brink of death, gasping for breath, eyes starting to gloss. He holds my head back, making sure I’m in view of him. My ears feel like I’m underwater; everything is static except for Cardan and his words. For a moment, I forget where I am. He swallows my screams when I can't hold back, rubbing his fingers roughly, forcing my body to twitch against his. I bite down on his lips so hard but he takes it in stride, until I’m slumped against him, feeling absolutely weightless. He pulls away from me to kiss my forehead too softly for the utter seismic orgasm he’d just given me. When I lean back, Cardan looks as flushed as I feel. For once, his cheeks are the ones that are red and his forehead is glistening with sweat. His eyes are dazed, his lips swollen and red. 

“I… Are you okay?” I asked almost in a slur. I trace his cheek up to his ear, flicking the cross earring dangling from the first piercing. His dark eyes pierce mine when he brings his still wet fingers to his mouth and sucks them clean.

He smiles languidly, reaching in his pocket for a few bills I know is far over the actual amount necessary. He gets up first and leads me out of the booth. I use my jacket to cover myself up, and in a muddle, we walk out of the diner, hand in hand. 

He kisses me sweetly when we get to his car, and I kiss him back, because we can, for right now. He opens his trunk and I dig out the first pair of necessary clothing I find in my overnight bag and then he opens the door to the backseat for me, standing lookout as I awkwardly try to change.

“Cardan?” I ask when we’re on the road again. “Are you okay?” he’d been silent since I asked the first time back at the diner, I realize belatedly.

His smile is lazy and maybe even disoriented. “I don’t even like cherries,” he finally mumbles. 

I glance at his fingers instinctively, like I can still see the filling there. “Is it…is it out of your system?”

His brows furrow almost comically. “Cherries?”

“Me,” I tell him. When he doesn't answer, I explain, “We can't do this at home, Cardan… our parents…” he snorts at that, but never really gives me an answer.

←Prev Part ∞ Next Part →

Masterlist

Gentle Sins Masterlist

[jimiminily]

Happy 11th anniversary BTS 💜💫

Congratulations on reaching 11 years together 🥹🫶

06.13

(This pic was taken yesterday at Jin's discharge day♡)

Today's festa was so fun with Jin, I'm thankful that he made it possible even tho he got discharged just yesterday! 🥰

Jin is finally here I'm so happy 🥹💫 I love him smmmm such a precious person

I wish the rest of BTS so much succes, healthiness and happiness in your military journey, let's see each other next festa 😌

(Getting kinda emotional rn)

But hobi is coming this 17th october 2024! 4 months left, I'm excited!! The rest

- Namjoon & Taehyung: 10th June 2025

- Jimin & Jungkook: 11th June 2025

- Yoongi: 21th June 2025

They're all coming in june festa 2025 🥰

I absolutely can't wait for the 2025 reunion! I wonder how everything's gonna be 😚

They're so hardworking, sometimes I wonder how they're still so humble ugh not me tearing up again 🫠 I love you so much BTS, became an ARMY in your 7th year (16 years old), and now today it is your 11th year, and I'm 19 🥰 I love growing up with bangtan and having them in my history/story

I love you all so much im gonna say this again but you really taught me love and warmth yall are so precious and adorable TT you're so wonderful there really is no other omg 🫠 NOT ME TEARING UP AGAIN WHILE WRITING😫 your lyrics really really comfort me

I'm never letting you go 😌🤍

I'm thankful to have such amazing artist, my 7, my bangtan

I always wish you eternal happines, healthiness and safety, live your life the way you want 💕

I'll always wait for you, support you and love you

My forever favorite artist, people, group, comfort, friends & home, BTS, lets go forever and together ☺️

Apobangpo 💜

___________________________________

📬Letter from jhope

[Translation]

🐿 "wow~~ it’s 613!! the year of 2024 613!!!~~~ it’s been 11 years since we’ve been together with our ARMY… wow!! the fun/interesting thing is is that our jin hyung’s discharge date was yesterday??!!! jealous!!!!!~~~ i’m the most jealous of him in the world~~!!!!!!! haha~^^ being half sincere and half joking, i wanted to feel a little less jealous <of his discharge> so i enlisted early!! hehe anyways that was too much of a personal story!! I can’t believe it’s already been 11 years since being with our army!!…. thank you for continuously liking and believing in me/us. all i have in mind right now is wanting to show you a better me a day quicker,,, heh because it’s today <festa> ,, i can more picture/draw <inside my head> me standing cooly on the stage in front of you all, you probably feel the same way too right?? i miss you!! and miss/long for you!! i love you ARMY!!!"

___________________________________

Letter from RM

🐨 "Hello.I’ll keep this simple, I miss you all so much and can’t wait to see you soon. There’s just a year to go until we will meet again. How did you like my RPWP album that was released last month? I hope you are all doing well. A year seems too long and it’ll take a lot of patience, but i’m trying to make the most out of the situation with my soulmate, the tenor saxophone.. I’ll perform Dynamite with it when we meet again. I hope everyone has a rejuvenating summer vacation. Being in a new environment brings a blood of new emotions It also makes me wonder how Jin must’ve felt when he was the first to be discharged from service. Congratulations, Jin, on all your hard work! Please convey our love to our fans. It must be hard doing all this alone. But don’t worry! Hoseok will join you soon! My love for you all remains unchanged. Our love will grow even stronger and more beautiful upon our return. Waiting is hard, but I believe there is a reason for this. And besides, it is not the end for us. This is only the first line of Act II. Although I miss everyone so much, I’ll try to hold up well. It’s been 11 years since we met, and there’s only one more year to wait.

ARMY!! Its been a long time since I’ve called for you aloud. It fills me up with emotions and reminds me of our history.

I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH!"

___________________________________

Letter from SUGA

🐱 "Hello, ARMYs! I'm Suga! It's been a long time, right? It's been a long time for me to write a handwriting letter, so I feel kind of awkward. Hahaha I'm doing really well... I went to the training center and I'm living a busy life. ARMYs, are you doing well? haha

it’s the 613 that has come around again

as it comes around every year there’s been a lot of memories (attached to it)

it still doesn’t feel real that I won’t be able to see ARMY on this day but i think you’ll have so much fun while spending it with Seokjin hyung so my heart is a little more at ease!!

Our 613 festival, enjoy it thoroughly! i’m also holding onto solely the day that i’ll be able to see ARMY as soon as possible!

if you can please don’t get hurt please don’t get exhausted and i wish/hope that we can wait until the day that we meet again! i miss you ARMY!! let’s see each other in a bit bye~!!"

___________________________________

Letter from hobi

🐿 "Hello, ARMY! How are you doing?

I am currently a second-class sergeant as well as a squad leader. Only four months are left until I complete my military service. I’ve been spending the remaining time working out hard so I can lose some weight, and practicing English speaking… in my own way, at least.

I’m not sure if you will agree… but I think I’ve grown calmer and more mature.

I now feel like I true grown-up!!

Bwahaha!!<- Hmm… Or maybe not…

Anyway, time sure flies. It’s already June! Jin has joined us, which makes things all the merrier and makes it clear that it’s time for us to get closer to all of you.

Enough about me. Now I’d like to hear about you.

How have you been?

I hope you’re all in good health.

What are you into these days?

How are you doing without us?

What would you like to say when we meet again?

honestly did you cheat or not~?

did you carry sunjae on your back and run or not~?*

Now, be honest,were your hearts miles away like Lovely Runners?

It’s strange. Now that I’ve reached thirty, I have a ton of questions for you! ♡♡

But actually that just means I want to hear more from you and miss you so much! And we don’t have to wait much longer until that day comes…!!

I’m so excited…

Actually… A day seems like a year these days…

And I toss and turn at night… I try to stay patient, but it’s hard…

I’m unsure if my emotions can be fully conveyed in writing, but I sure hope my sincere feelings reach you well…! ♡♡

I miss you! ♡

I’m desperately looking forward to seeing you!! ♡

Take care, and enjoy June and the rest of the time until we meet again in October! ♡

See you then! ♡

I love you all! ♡♡

⁃Your hope -

___________________________________

Letter from Jimin

🐥 "To. ARMY

ARMYs, this is Jimin. It's been a long time since I said hello to you like this.. l'll just write down what I want to say! I really miss you all. It's not easy, really ㅎㅎㄱㄱㄱㄱ

Every day, I live imagining what it would be like to meet you all.

When we meet again, what hair color should we have? Your body will feel a little better by then, right? And how long should your hair be? What earrings should I wear when I go out? What clothes are you wearing? What should I sing? lf I lie down thinking about this, my heart is racing and I can't sleep. I wonder how overwhelming it must be

Are our ARMYs doing well? Are you eating well and doing some exercise? Of course you're not doing it, right? ㄱㄱㄱㄱㄱ ( You really should). Nothing much will happen, right? lf there is, I hope it won't be too difficult.

You should be happy, our ARMYs I want to make you happier, but it's a shame. Still, l'm doing well here, so don't worry too much.Jin- hyung, you'll be discharged soon! Please play with Jin- hyung first. Then, we will return to you one by one. Let's all meet up, hug each other, and play. I'l come back with another letter next time. I love you, Ami. How are you?" -JIMIN

___________________________________

Letter from V

🐻 "Army! I really miss you. Are you all doing well? I eat well, sleep well, train, and live a fairly healthy life. I am receiving good energy from my younger colleagues and senior classmates, and I am enjoying a variety of new experiences. I'm a little proud, but I also got first place.

I’m good at shooting too!! I received praise, and learned a lot from our warrior friends in judo and jiu-jitsu, and I just felt like I was born again!! The bodies of our warriors are, I am thankful that I can train with this person, and I am barely keeping up! It's a bit irritating, but I won't overdo it!!

I overcame my fear of heights. It wasn't a big deal. It was really scary, but I got over it in the end. It’s because I’m so excited. Will you understand?? These days, during my free time, I go alone to a corner and dance. Just in case, I try not to lose that memory little by little.

So, since I told you that I am doing well, ARMY is also saying that you will be doing well. I hope you are not sick and anxious (even if we don't tell each other because neither we nor ARMY have each other?) Don't worry and we will see you soon.

When we see our members and ARMY again like this, let’s pour out all our long-awaited emotions! I miss you so much, I love you so much, Apobangpo, Borahae, goodbye."

___________________________________

Letter from Jungkook

🐰 "Hello, this is Jungkook.

It's been a while since I wrote a handwritten letter, and my handwriting seems to have gotten worse. I'm sorry ㅋㅋ

everyone!! I'm doing well

There aren't any difficult parts, but I'm getting through it just thinking about the day I'll meet you all again, and sometimes there are fun moments that make me forget about how difficult it is ㅎㅎ

By the way, did you listen to the fan song “Never Let Go” released in June? Even when I was working on the song, I really wanted to release it as a fan song.

I hope my feelings were conveyed well.

Originally, I was going to show a performance as well, but unfortunately I couldn't do it because I didn't have enough time.

If I get the chance, I really want to show it on stage later (nothing ready yet).

But I really want to perform on stage.

I want to hear ARMY’s cheers quickly

I want to do great songs again

It was so cold and the hot summer hasn't even come yet, but I hope winter comes quickly...

Time is running out ㅠㅠ

I guess I miss you all so much.

If you enjoy it, I will be standing in front of you someday, right?

Ah ah ah..! Anyway, everyone!

Until the day we meet again, don't get sick and take care of your health! That way, you'll be happier when you meet, right?!

I miss you so much..

I love you so much!

But I really can’t write letters ㅋㅋ

I'm leaving now!! hi!!"

- jungkook -

___________________________________

Letter from Jin

🐹 "Hello, this is Jin.

I hope everyone is in good health. I'm reaching out to you for the first time in a while.

I'd like to be able to say hello more often, but unfortunately my situation hasn't allowed that.

I'm so excited that my discharge from military service is just around the corner haha.

I heard that my bandmates have been working hard to entertain you during my absence. How nice of them!

Now, it's my turn ARMY!

Although it won't be easy to do it alone, I will try my best.

I've been planning to entertain you for a year now and I will put all my plans into practice once I return to society.

I thank everyone for being with us for such a long time. I love you ARMY ♡

P.S: Keep up the hard work, boys!"

___________________________________

Their words are so sweet :') might have shed some tears, they really are precious souls 🤍 I really adore them

Today for festa we had

In-person Event with Jin

2024 FESTA

First Session: Jin’s Greetings

- The first session (Meet-and-Greet with Jin) is a time for light hugs with Jin per request from the artist, and is expected to last about three hours.

- If you win the raffle but do not wish for a hug, you can replace it with a handshake.

- Every precautionary measure will be put in place to ensure no unpleasant incidents occur during the event. We ask for your kind cooperation.

_________

Second Session: Message from Jin : June 13 2024,☀️

- The second session will last about one hour.

- Jin will showcase various performances that ARMY wish to see.

(BigHit tweets 👇)

[#2024BTSFESTA]

BTS 11th ANNIVERSARY 🎉

[#TodaysBangtan]

2024 June 13th’s Seokjin, Clear Skies☀️

armys, its nice to see see you again💜

#TodaysJin #BTS #방탄소년단

#2024BTSFESTA #BTS11thAnniversary

#/ReturnedBackHome (t/n: wordplay with 돌아왔지 (dolawa-ji) -> 돌아왔진 (dolawa-jin)

#/ARMYThankYouForWaiting

#/ThankYouForBeingTogetherOnOur11thAnniversaryToo🎉

He just posted on instagram too! ☺️💕💕

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Jin of BTS (@jin)

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Jin of BTS (@jin)

My love it's been so long TT I missed you, welcome back precious Jin 🤍💫

Happy 11 years bangtan💜

[akaakeis]

HEY HEY HEEEEYYYYYYY bokuto moment

HI SAV<33

first of all shut up and pretend I didn't see ur sideblog posts THE THING IS I LOVE LOVE LOVE SENDING ASKS BUT LIKE I DIDN'T KNOW IF ITD BE FREAKY TO SEND RANDOM ASS ASKS TO YOU EVEN THO I BLEAT IN UR DMS EVERY OTHER SECOND

N E WAYS HIIII im having lunch rn !! IT RAINED SO BAD SO ITS LIKE 5PM AND IM STILL IN MY UNIFORM AND STUFF i had like.. stuff planned on my schedule and stuff :cccccc

dude the way i do NAWT feel like writing at all but also im dying to get yns pov in the first chapter like PICK A FUCKING SIDE OMFG literally had to pause writing this to think

TODAY I CORRECTED THE ENGLISH TEACHERS GRAMMAR IT WAS SO FUNNY LIKE I WAS WRITING AT THE BOTTOM OF THIS HUGE ASS WHITEBOARD SO I WAS KNEELING ON THE GROUND AND SHE GOES TO CORRECT SOMEONE'S (ALREADY CORRECT) GRAMMAR AND I LOOK UP TO HER LIKE UH NO THAT'S RIGHT ACTUALLY AND SHE DIDN'T EVEN QUESTION IT JUST TOOK IT LIKE A CHAMP??? LIKE GIRL WHEN EVEN U KNOW UR WRONG????

THE SENTENCE WAS monica went to her grandmother's house for summer vacation AND SHE MADE IT WEIRDER SOUNDING "during vacation" LIKE GIRL NO??????????? sorry for ranting god im such a hater

AND LIKE THESE FUCKASS TEACHERS WONT SEE MY TEXTS (i love them) BUT THE EXACT SECOND I PULL UP TO THEM AT SCHOOL IM GETTING MY CHEEKS TUGGED AT LIKE "oh em gee alina u did such a great job we r sooo proud of u" DIE. AND IM SO SCARED CUZ IM NOT STUDYING PROPERLY OR ENOUGH I THINK AND MY SCHEDULE IS SO FREAKY AND WEIRD AND THE !! RAIN !! EW 🤮🤢🤮🤢 not that i hate the rain, it just conveniently happens NOT when im at home ready to go to school, but rather otw to school or otw home so i'm just late everywhere. also MY WATER BOTTLE DISAPPEARED?? AND THERES A GIRL W THIEVING TENDENCIES IN CLASS LIKE IM NOT POINTING FINGERS BUT BUT BUUUUUUUT um. ANWYAYS I SAW A SUBMERGED MOTORCYCLE AND ALSO MY CHEM TEACHER TAKING PICS OF THE FLOOD LIKE WTF HE WANT THEM FOR "look wife im not cheating im actually trapped in school"

dude.. biceps r so..... like... kuroo... IM LOWK A KUROO ENTHUSIAST HE IS SO YUMMY LIKE U JUST KNOW HED LET U BITE IT (my intrusive thoughts r like. if he existed irl. nom nom time) NOT EVEN IN A SEXUAL WAY BTW I JUST NEED A CHOMP

ANYWAYS I FOUND OUT LIKE RN THAT I GOT 77/90 IN PAPER 1 AND 95/110 IN PAPER 2 OF BANGLA AND I ONLY GOT AN A* BECAUSE OF THE THRESHOLD (171) LIKE WHAAAT. (I GOT 172)

ITS 5:18PM RN AND IM GNA TAKE THE FASTEST FUCKING SHOWER OF MY ENTIRE LIKE CUZ MY HAIR GREASY ASF AND ITS SO EW AND THEN ILL DO CHEM NOTES HASHTAG STUDYING TRUST ME ! ! !

ANYWAYS last anyways of the day HRU MY BABY POOKIE PIE DARLING SWEETHEART POPEYES MUFFIN CUPCAKE HONEYPIE POPSICLE POOKIEBRO HOW WAS UR SLEEP HOW WAS UR YESTERDAY HOW IS UR LIFE WHATS GOING ON AND ALSO ALSO ALSO i forget give me a sec um erm ueueue OH I GOT IT I ABSOLUTELY ADORE U FOR READING ALL OF THE THINGS I SEND U LIKE!!!!! SHIRRJSKSKSOKSKS ILY okbye!!

HEY LINA!!

yeah im gonna act like u didnt see that sideblog post bc i SAID i wasnt trying to hint at anyone... AND NO THATS NOT FREAKY?? idk man i send in asks to ness like every day bc i think its fun to talk that way!! paragraph asks are genuinely so fun to receive!! ALSO USING THE WORD BLEAT IS CRAZY YOU R NOT BLEATING IN MY DMS

omg i hope you had a good lunch!! im answering this like an hour later so i assume u already finished? idk its weird that we're 12 hrs apart 😭 AND NOOO THATS AWFUL :(( sorry to hear that love :( hopefully the rain didn't flood any area and you and your fam are all good!!

HELP THATS SUCH A REAL FEELING i was battling with that yesterday so bad omf... i feel like sometimes we can attach somewhat negative connotations w writing bc sometimes it can feel like a chore? so sometimes it's a struggle to get up and decide to write? maybe thats js me but like yeah 😓 BUT GENUINELY SO EXCITED FOR YOUR APOCALYPSE AU!! ITS BEEN AMAZING SO FAR!! AND ANYTHING IVE READ FOR IT MAKES ME WANT TO LET OUT AUDIBLE SOBS ‼️ that sounds negative but i feel like you get why i want to LIKE GOOD GRIEF anyway write whenever you feel like it!! dont force it <3

THERES NO WAY??? PLEASE THATS SO FUNNY TO ME 😭 I LOVE THAT SHE DIDNT EVEN QUESTION IT OMG? YOU PROBABLY SPEAK MUCH MORE FLUENTLY THAN HER ANYWAY LMAOAOAO BUT PROUD OF YOU!!

okay like maybe im stupid but i feel like both of those sentences make sense? like "monica went to her grandmother's house for summer vacation" makes sense but so does "monica went to her grandmother's house during vacation" it's just that it doesn't specify whether it's during summer vacation so it can sound awkward ig?? idk man ive been stuck reading old english for the last couple of days bc of the hobbit (I DESPISE THAT BOOK IT CAN GO DIE) sigh

HELP?? I MEAN IM SO HAPPY YOURE GETTING GOOD GRADES THO!! AS LONG AS YOURE ABLE TO STUDY JUST ENOUGH SO THAT YOURE CONFIDENT IN THE TOPIC THEN I THINK YOURE GOOD HONESTLY 😨 and the rain sounds like its out to get u thats wild??? PLEASE im not pointing my finger at anyone... im just agreeing here... there's a chance 😭 having classmates with tendencies to steal is such a pain in the ass tho i hope you're able to retrieve your water bottle!! AND HELP I LOVE THE WAY YOU DUBBED THAT "im not cheating im actually stuck in school" had me giggling sm

HELLO? BITING KUROO'S BICEP IS INSANE (but lowkey i would too VERY LOWKEY because i feel like im not super attracted to big biceps and stuff idk?? but just a little chomp 😋😋)

WHATATATAT AT LEAST YOU GOT A* THOUGH ‼️ GOOD JOB!!!

AAA ENJOY YOUR SHOWER! I HOPE IT MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER!! AND YES WE LOVE A RESPONSIBLE STUDIOUS GIRL 😋

AND IM ACTUALLY DOING GOOD MY POOKIE WOOKIE SUGAR PLUM COOKIE BROWNIE PUMPKIN PIE HONEY LOML (i laughed an obscene amount while writing that)!! TODAY IM GONNA BE SUPER BUSY.. I HAVE SPEECH AND DEBATE AFTER MY SCHOOL DAY IS OVER AND THEN I HAVE VOLLEYBALL PRACTICE UNTIL... 7 PM???? I THINK???? GOD. AND I SLEPT SUPER DUPER WELL I WOKE UP RLY COZY IN MY BED AND IM STILL HUDDLED UP IN HERE LMAOAOAO 😭 YESTERDAY WAS GOOD!! I DIDNT HAVE ANYTHING I NEEDED TO DO SO I GOT TO CHILL AT HOME AND LISTEN TO MUSIC AND LITTLE PODCASTS (i listen to the bit my tongue podcast by nailea devora SOOO MUCH) AND AWHAGSHHA LINA!! I ADORE EVERYTHING YOU WRITE AND ANYTHING YOU SEND TO ME!! ILL ALWAYS MAKE TIME TO READ SOMETHING YOU SEND ME!! ILY!! <3

[corvarrow]

NE Vacation lets gooo

So I'm still really worn out but less than I ended up being yesterday so HERE is a post about the trip I just went on! It's gonna get real big and have a couple photos so I'll just go ahead and cut it here lol

-We went to visit family in Rhode Island...I have been to NYC a couple times but not any further north than that so anything in New England was a brand new experience. I was not a fan of the humidity (pretty arid here at home lol) but I like ocean and forest so I thought it was super pretty! I could not believe all the flowers and blue/purple hydrangeas EVERYWHERE

-We did fly in and out of Providence airport...but since it is super tiny we had to do connecting flights both ways. Wednesday last week we had to get up at 3 AM (after I had a full work day the day before) to get to the first plane, and on this Tuesday the layover between flights was REAL tight so both travel days were kind of brutal.

-ANYway, we ended up going to the Brimfield Antique Show in Massachussetts for two days. I don't think we covered a quarter of the show, we didn't expect it to be as enormous as it was. I ended up getting an antique inkwell shaped like a shell (it rotates on its stand), a metal dog, some vintage postcards (I love old landscape photos and interesting buildings), an old fan with a beautiful mountain painting on the front and a funeral home ad on the back (wtf lol), and a vintage travel guide to Rome with a lot of pictures but everything in Italian.

-Some other family from New York ended up coming with us to the antique show, as my aunt had rented a Vrbo (first time I've been in one) and there was plenty of room. One of those days we got takeout from a local restaurant and there was a machine in there dispensing pokemon cards for 50 cents...I thought "Sure why not" and got one - it ended up being a Dark Energy card instead of actually anything so I thought that was extremely funny

-We also went to Boston for a day - very pretty as well! I liked it way more than NYC to be honest. I had NO IDEA there were so many tunnels! Rained on us a ton though it cleared up by the time we did a bus tour. I am a big fan of brutalist architecture so I thought the one government building (the bus tour guide called it the Hurley building, I think) was REALLY cool. Wish I had gotten a picture of it but I was on the wrong side of the bus. Also: Bostonians, I am very sorry but your green line subway train makes possibly one of the worst sounds I've ever heard.

I thought the top of this building, whatever it was, looked very neat. Very art deco.

And this one with the dark windows forming triangle shapes. Not super exciting but I like this kind of thing

Can't forget about the gothic cathedral

Also spotted this cool unicorn at one point

-Uhh, what else did we do....after that we did actually do stuff in RI. Went to Ft Adams, went to Blithewold Manor, did a scenic ocean drive...I love how none of those Beachfront Home buying shows actually show the wild amount of traffic caused by people trying to get to the beach - parking whereever and blocking lanes constantly. I'd never live that close to the water to begin with as I'd be too afraid of flooding or my house falling in, but I had no idea how bad the traffic situation actually was. 8'D

-We did get a milkshake from Newport Creamery! I'm not normally a milkshake person but we tried them anyway and it was soooo good. Really enjoyed all the local chains in general.

-On the last day we did a lighthouse tour on a large catamaran and that was super awesome, I think it was one of my favorite parts of the trip. There was a Karen on our boat throwing multiple tantrums as the tour did not start fast enough for her liking but that just ended up being also extremely funny. The guy actually doing the tour was great and I'm actually quite curious about the history of the area, as I had no idea there were so many pirates o_o

This one boat moored near Ft Adams was rad af

[parushontas]

Happy Code Swap Day dear @grubtism !

The prompt I took was "Aelita discovering new things about earth (such as her learning about being cold while walking with jeremie after her materialization in s1)" and here it is your typical filler episode on the beach where Aelita plays volleyball and watches the sunset (with Jerlita centered ofc).

I hope you can excuse my poor grammar since I'm not a native speaker. I was really about to cry when I was editing this but I'm afraid the tenses might have gone crazy at some point anyway. I hope again this doesn't stop you from enjoying the story. Have fun! @code-swap

—------------------------------------------------------

The chink of trains passing by in this early spring morning were blending with distinctive rumble of a station, while announcements were fading in and out. Like in every big city, Paris had already woken up and was getting ready for the day, the wagons were full of people on their way to work in the country or planning a short weekend getaway. In one of them, three boys were sitting with their eyes on the big clock of the station, looking for something impatiently.

"They're gonna miss it, if they don't hurry up." complained Ulrich while looking back over his shoulder to the platform through the train's open door and turned his gaze back to his friends sitting across the table. The boy in the purple shirt was picking at his backpack's zip and glanced at the compartment quickly over his blonde friend next to him before answering Ulrich. "They should be there soon, don't worry."

The bag trembled with a rustling sound like something was pawing its way to reach the top, seconds later Jeremy was squinting at a panting dog that appeared between him and Odd.

"My little diggity-dog," Odd squealed while patting his head. "Soon you will run as much as you can." Kiwi licked his owner's hand as an answer, his wagging tail was showing how he was bursting with excitement for this unexpected trip.

"We risk being thrown off the train by bringing him with us." Jeremy addressed a remark to Kiwi, while glancing at his watch. He couldn't help but start to get grumpy, the absence of their other two friends that were supposed to be here a quarter hour ago, was worrying him a little bit. The boy decided to wait five more minutes before calling them.

"Kiwi is one of the other big risks that we take today, Einstein." bantered Odd with him, he knew that Jeremy deep down loves his dog too and it was always funny to him that Kiwi sometimes gets on people's nerves.

"Yeah Jeremy, speaking of that," Ulrich interrupted their conversation while raising his eyebrows "what do we do if our friend X.A.N.A attacks while we're away, huh?" He really loved the idea of showing Aelita around at first but by the time past and the girls continued not to show up, he was sharing the same concerns with Jeremy. He knew that the boy with glasses watches every step of Aelita like they all do and cares for her, wants to show how our world contains some wonders but everything is too new for now. Maybe they should have taken things easy like Yumi said before.

Jeremy crossed his arms, dropping his eyes to the table in front of him. He was very well aware about the fact Ulrich stated but he had his good reasons, so he tried to pick the right words to make the situation clear to them."We'll be only one hour ride away from city, so in case of an emergency we can go back quickly and you know, it wasn't long after his last attack." He tugged at his sleeve like brushing off the memories of recent events, they had a really narrow escape last time. "Besides I really wanted to show her the actual sea that is much more different from Lyoko's digital one." he continued while blushing with his confession.

"Just relax, both of you." Odd assured them while scratching behind of Kiwi's ears. "We'll get to see where Jeremy spends his summers, swim a little bit and then be back at the school by dinner. Just a little vacation and that's all."

Ulrich turned his gaze to look out of the train, the first glimpses of daylight were reflecting the boy's shade to the window and making it difficult for him to see the platform. "Let's hope he doesn't spare us a break." he sighed. The idea of a X.A.N.A attack while they're away was giving him shievers, he couldn't stress enough what a mess it might be.

The other boy sitting across from him nodded in agreement, staring off into the crowd on the station and taking a stroll down of his memories from Aelita's first night on earth that he walked her to Yumi's. Not just great to see her heal and hearty by his side but the thought of how even that little walk made her really happy had given the idea of today's trip to him. He really worked hard to make her real, to bring her to the earth but they couldn't managed to make X.A.N.A get off her tail, he is still with her, still theardening her life and Jeremy's hearth sinks everytime he catches the look on her eyes like a feral youngling scaring everything. He hates to let her make sacrifices to save the world and knowing this situation could go for a while drives him crazy. The boy wants her to be in safe, to make her feel safe forever and to tell her that he would never let X.A.N.A hurt her again but the so far he could only make her smile and that's enough for him to face to whole world. If this little trip would make her happy, then it worths to take the risk, he thinks. X.A.N.A can play all the tricks as he wants today but he won't back off to try to brighten up Aelita's day, not even a little.

A huge rumbling from the left disrupted his inner call-out to X.A.N.A. He scowled at Odd and Kiwi trying to decide who's making that sound while Ulrich bursting into laughs of Kiwi's confused look and Odd's querulously protests against Jeremy's judgemental glance.

"You should have let me have breakfast." grumbled Odd looking annoyed and folded his arms on his stomach. "A man has his needs"

"More like a dragon based on the sound that you made, if you ask me." Ulrich teased him.

Odd has just opened his mouth to answer him but his offended response was suppressed by a cheerful shout.

"Then it is a good thing that we brought all the snacks to feed up this dragon." a girl in black waved at them stepping into the train and followed by another girl with pink hair. Despite looking like two opposite ends of the color spectrum, pink sakura flowers on Yumi's shirt were matching perfectly with Aelita's hair.

"Finally!" squeaked Jeremy with a huge sigh of relief and continued his scolding "We were starting to worry".

"Good morning to you, too." Aelita responded to the boy half-mockingly and sat next to him.

"I'm sensing some Hiroki influences." Ulrich remarked, giggling at the girl's cynical answer and inched over to make room for Yumi.

"My kid brother's rich vocabulary is irresistible, I'm afraid." laughed off black haired girl while settling down and trying to get comfortable with her long body on the train's narrow seats. She took a paper bag from the inside of her bucket bag and threw it at Odd. "Here," girl said while Odd catching it on the air and lowering down to sniff it with Kiwi. "something to calm down your stomach."

"Someone with sense, thank you!" cheered the boy when he saw what the bag contains. He grab one of the croissants and took a big bite and immediately passed it down to his dog to split the difference. "Ulrich," then he called out his friend between his gulps "you should really go o-"

"-what took the two of you so long?" Ulrich interrupted him with a rush and on purpose, trying to ignore Jeremy and Aelita's gigglings, of course he knows what Odd is about to say.

"Well, Aelita worked so hard on our fruit salad." answered Yumi his question for the room, pointing out the tupperware that the pink haired girl is holding.

Aelita uncovered its lid and served it around. "Isn't it fascinating that fruits have all these different flavors and beautiful colors?" asked she mesmerizingly, you could tell about her excitement from her shining eyes. Finally, she took a lumpy and russet fruit from the inside and showed it to everyone. "I've never seen such a thing like that before."

"Having a hearty appetite runs in the family, as you can see." Odd determined, about to take the last bite from his apple. "We didn't make her my cousin for nothing."

"Yeah and may I ask why you bring a raw potato here?" questioned Ulrich, pointing to the fruit in Aelita's hands.

"It isn't a potato, it is a Jerusalem artichoke." Jeremy corrected him out of patience, while Yumi breaking into laughs. " and it is a species of sunflower native to-"

"Please give us a break from biology at least on the weekend, Einstein." Odd shutted him up and gave his biggest smile to Jeremy's glaring before changing the subject. "Speaking of fruits, you can't believe what Kiwi did this morning-" he started to tell Yumi.

"So it is a rare one, then?" Aelita turned to Jeremy, still examining the Jerusalem artichoke with other's chatter in the background.

"Yes, in this region I mean." gave the boy a quick answer to her before getting to the point. "Is everything alright at Yumi's?" Jeremy asked anxiously. He has no doubt that his Japanese friend is doing her best to host Aelita but he just wonders if their formally virtual friend is doing okay here.

"It couldn't be better, her family are really hospitable people." smiled the girl at him, put her hand on his shoulder to assure before continuing, because the boy still seemed unconvinced. "Everything is fine, don't worry."

"Just checking." murmured Jeremy with a warm smile and little blush on his cheeks.

"And what were you saying about what this tastes like?" she asked mischievously about the fruit that she was still holding, trying to drop the subject.

"Erhm, I'm not sure if you like it, but there is no harm in trying, I guess" shrugged the boy.

Aelita took a small bite from it and Jeremy examined amusedly her facial expressions of grimace while she tried to chew it.

"Let's say I'll stick with the berries." she commented while exchanging smiles with each other, its somewhat bitter taste isn't her style.

The station master's whistle alerted the gang that their train was about to leave. "Sun, sea and sand, here we come!" Odd yelled with joy when the doors closed and the train started to move. The classic clickety-clack sound was getting louder and riveting the train's acceleration.

"Do you know how real sand looks like Aelita?" asked Yumi and continued after the pink haired girl shook her head as a no. "It is kinda like the Desert Sector, but the pigmentation and the texture are a little bit different. Right, Jeremy?"

"Affirmative." chuckled the boy with glasses, confirming his friend's scientific attempt for the definition.

"Maybe we teach you how to surf this time," Ulrich waved his hand and paused before getting to the punchline of his joke with a deadpan expression. "since you know how to do it on the Internet."

Other's collective groans at his bad joke blended in with Aelita's laugh. "Seriously, Ulrich-" breathed Yumi a sigh while Odd completed her sentence. "You are better than that-"

As their chattering continues, the train had left the city as a beautiful meadow view is streaming from the windows. Jeremy settled back and breathed deeply meadow's scents filling the compartment, listening his friends' chitchat. Maybe it is what peace looks like; watching the pink haired girl next to him laugh with the people that means the most to him, seeing how the sun beams reflecting the perfect green of her eyes as she twinkles and realizing she is finally a real human being just like them. And when the girl suddenly holded his hand like she was reading his mind, the boy's heart missed a beat. That is what he is fighting for, he thought while smiling back at her. She is worthy to face the whole world.

—------------------------------------------------------

"Now, pass it over Aelita!"

Yumi stepped backwards to return the girl's pass, tried to lighten the volleyball's momentum with a couple of flip shots before delivering it to Jeremy.

The sun is blazing down on the beach on this hot spring day, blurring their vision while heated sand is burning their feet a little. Their wet hair had dried long before they started goofing around that begin with Yumi and Ulrich's martial arts demonstration and right now everything looks about to boil away. Even though they've only been here for a few hours, all of the kids look a few tans darker.

Jeremy setted the ball hardly enough to reach Aelita and let out a heavy breath. Sports is never been his thing but Aelita had insisted a lot and he couldn't turn down her request. Besides they need more than one person to teach her how to play volleyball before this big match between girls and boys but righ now, Odd and Ulrich are too busy trying to do chartwheels like Yumi showed them before next to the court with Kiwi running around.

"It's all on the fingertips, Jeremy." panted the black haired girl, seeing his struggle and lifted the ball little more to Aelita before shouting. "Bump pass, now!"

Aelita took the right position for an underhand pass as the ball was speeding up towards her and bumped it to Yumi.

The tall girl cheered for her friend's great pass and let out a rallying cry as she was kicking the ball as hard as she could, like she does all the time in Lyoko.

Jeremy barely found the time to run to the side, not even trying to catch the ball and yawping at the same time.

"Sorry, sorry. My mistake." chuckled Yumi, moving towards the side where the ball escaped. "I'll go and get it."

The boy doubled up, trying to gather his breath in this time-out while hearing the sound of Odd's laugh in the distance, making fun of Ulrich's bad fall.

"Are you okay, Jeremy?" the other girl came closer and asked. Her cheeks look in red a few shades darker than her hair from the effort she put in, while the sun brings out her green eyes even more.

The boy nodded his head and straightened up. "You learn fast." he complimented her. In the morning she had picked up so quickly all the swimming moves that Yumi showed her. It was just the basics though, unfortunately the sea had become rough as the time passed by and despite all the insistence of the other boys, Jeremy and Yumi had decided to call it a day. The open sea isn't a right place to mess around and it is so much different than their swimming lessons with Jim at the pool. Not to mention the amount of salty water all of them swallowed.

"I kind of like it here." Aelita smiled at him. She closed her eyes and tossed her head back as if she wanted to feel the sun even more. Its warmth was feeling like little kisses on her cheek, a feeling that she has never experienced before, almost like life itself. A breeze was carrying constantly the briny, enveloping, warm smell and every time as she took a breath of salt, seaweed and iodine; it was surprising her to have this much and kind of sensations. It is a stimulus-rich environment as Jeremy described her earlier today but to be honest, she would probably never get tired of being overwhelmed by her new three senses. They were sometimes talking about how good and realistic three-dimensional Lyoko is, but if they ask her now, it is nothing compared to what she experienced in such a short time here.

"I'm really glad that you like it." responded Jeremy slowly, trying not to disturb her little tribute to the Earth.

"I wish you would play with us too." the pink haired girl turned to him and requested for the little match that will take place soon.

"Are you kidding?" the boy chortled, he had already seen this movie before. "In sports that require a tall stature, Yumi can match both of them." pointed he at the trio in striking distance.

"I guess you're right." Aelita chuckled, while looking at the other girl circling around Odd and Ulrich that was now standing on their hands and reviewing their posture. From there, the boys looked like a couple of clumsy baby bats, trying to learn how to headstand while Kiwi sniffing them and with their hair that lost volume when wet, they made Yumi look even more taller.

"And now when you are on her side, they have no chance." continued Jeremy proudly. "I'd rather stay out of this bloodbath." He added on quickly after the girl gave him a confused and worried look. "It's a figurative expression, of course."

"If you say so." said Aelita, giving him the biggest smile she has and the boy got a feeling that he has butterflies in his stomach.

"Are you ready to wipe them out, Princess?" Yumi called out to her as she came closer and winked.

"uh-huh" nodded 'the Princess' with a grin on her face.

—------------------------------------------------------

"Both teams have a single time-out." reminded Jeremy standing next to the volleyball net with Kiwi. "Anyone want it before the game ball?"

"Yes, we are." Ulrich uttered gaspingly, trying to raise his hand as he doubled over.

"Okay then, 3 minutes." announced Jeremy. "It's 2 to 1 in favor of girls, if they win this set, they win the game."

"Yeah, yeah we know. Stop mocking with us." grumbled Odd also pantingly. He is feeling too tired to correct Jeremy's officiation terminology.

"Take as much as you want," Yumi trash talked with them as boys gathered together to discuss their strategy. "We have all the time in the world."

"You wish." snarled Ulrich at her but Jeremy could swear he was smiling before he got into a huddle with Odd.

"You play really great." Yumi turned to her teammate and addressed a praise, watching the boy's heated discussion in the meantime.

"Thanks," smiled Aelita, trying to catch her breath with a hand on her chest. "I wish we could do something against Odd's services though."

"Don't worry, it will end soon." assured black haired girl while trying to understand what the boys are up to, while Ulrich demonstrating some moves to Odd.

Jeremy clapped his hands loudly to draw their attention from the courtside. "On your positions." he called out and referred the end of the break.

Yumi took the ball from the ground and handed it over to Aelita. "Would you do the honors?" she asked the girl if she wanted to serve the ace that might be the last.

The girl took the ball and stepped back until her feet touched the field markings that can barely be seen on the sand. She casted a look at the boys through the nest that were waiting impatiently for her to start the game while trying to decide which one to target might help them to get the winning point.

Then Aelita took a deep breath, threw the ball into the air and sent it to the other side as fast as she could.

"I got it!" Ulrich informed his teammate and received the shot successfully, then delivered the ball to him, which Odd returned back to the girls' side with a blast.

"Yumi!" cried out Aelita after she bump passed it to the back, hoping she could catch it.

The Japanese girl took a step back and jumped up high, looked like for a moment that she froze in the air, then kicked the ball in force while letting out a yell.

"LYOKO STYLE!" Odd screamed at the top of his lungs and rushed at Ulrich as he went down on his knees and folded his hands to help his friend jumping higher.

As the ball touched ground on the left, both of the boys fell down on the right, tangled with each other, because Odd misstepped and Ulrich couldn't lift him enough to catch the ball.

"Game, set and match!" declared Jeremy the result with girls' screams of joy in the back. "Maybe I should have told them sooner that the gravity in here works differently than Lyoko." he muttered to himself and giggled as boys were lying down and groaning while Kiwi was licking his owner's face.

Yumi gave Aelita piggyback ride and started touring the field as a victory parade while the boys were wrangling with each other about whose fault it was.

—------------------------------------------------------

His muscles that tired from a hectic day protested again when the boy's hand slipped a third time from the cliff's rocky surface and put his weight to one arm. Ulrich looked up at his blonde friend on the way ahead of the group and snorted, they were climbing quite a while but by time the boy had started to feel dizzy due to his acrophobia and he isn't sure if he can keep this up any longer.

Yumi stopped to help him and as Ulrich took his offerend hand, she pulled the boy to her side safely. "There you go." the girl smiled at him softly while making sure he was holding on tightly this time. The boy gave a thumbs up to her and smiled back.

"Since when you became an athlete, Jeremy?" Odd made a biting comment from their left like he read his friend's mind while panting heavily because of carrying an additional weight to his own. Kiwi barked from his backpack to show his disgruntlement of this situation.

"You're grumbling just because you lost the game earlier." Jeremy brushed him off and secured himself on a big rock to see how others were doing. "We are almost at the top and it has a really great view. It's well worth it, trust me. My father and I come here all the time." he continued.

"We are a little tired, that's all." stated Aelita trying to lighten the mood, following the steps of him.

When finally Jeremy reached the peak, he waited at the rear and gave a hand to everyone until all of them safely stood up there and listened as each person let out a shout of astonishment when they saw the view.

"Jeremy, it is-" stuttered Yumi, not being sure how to describe this breathtaking beauty of the landscape, while other boys let out a gasp. "Just wow." murmured Odd as he placed down his dog on the ground.

Jeremy, being pleased with himself, turned to the pink haired girl. She is the person whose opinion he is most curious about. "What do you think, Aelita?" he addressed her a question.

Yumi took a frisbee from her bag after she saw that look on Aelita's face and showed it to other boys. "Wanna play?" she asked them while they were cheering up on her offer. "Go Kiwi, fetch!" she threw it away and drew the others further to give space to Jeremy and Aelita.

They had arrived just in time to catch the golden hour before sunset and right now, the setting sun were painting in a goldenly orange everything on their sight, while it was washing the clouds in candescent red, as they were standing on the large cliff above the sea and watching this riot of colors' reflection on the water with sound of waves hitting rocks below. The light breeze from morning had started turning into a stronger one and still was carrying the scent of salty water as the daytime smell was changing into the night while caressing Aelita's hair. The girl couldn't take her eyes off the scenery lying ahead where the sun looked like slowly melting into the sea and was dissolving its colors through the water surface.There was something about this moment like every single thing bombarding new sensations to her, evoking some experiences hat she thinks she never had this kind of before. It felt so strange and yet hauntingly familiar as if deep down the girl knows that she has already been there, already had watched the hundreds of sunsets in the past. The pink haired girl was thrilling with the realization of being a human and its luxury of getting used to the times like this, while her heart was pounding in her chest and wondering how this can become a normal for someone or if she will ever be able to normalize it one day.

"It is- I mean this is," Aelita stumbled over, when she could finally talk. "I have no idea there are so many colors like that." she trembled, trying to give meaning to her desire to cry. She didn't know until then that people's eyes form tears not just from sadness but also when they see something so beautiful.

Jeremy gave her a warm smile, watching the last sunbeams of the day flickering in her eyes and forming reddish halos on her sun bleached hair. He didn't bother himself to say something, the moment itself was already speaking for him and accomplishing his purpose of making Aelita happy.

"Watch out!" then he heard Ulrich's cry for warning from the distance but unfortunately it was too late to get away from a frisbee coming towards him at full speed.

Seconds later Jeremy was sitting on the ground, rubbing his head while Aelita was asking him if he is okay.

"Sorry Einstein!" called out Odd and took the blame, trying to stop himself from giggling.

"It is a miracle that you guys can take aim in Lyoko." Jeremy complained, still massaging his forehead.

"Yeah, that tells a lot about Odd's hit rake." laughed Ulrich at him.

"Hey!" his friend protested him by pretending to be offended. "First of all, without me-"

"Give it a rest." Yumi chuckled and stopped them. "Are you guys coming?" then she asked Jeremy and Aelita.

"Be right there." responded Aelita, took the frisbee from the ground and offered her hand to the boy while smiling at him.

Jeremy took her hand as he stood up and let her drag him to their friends where their chattering and Kiwi's excited barking filled the air with the little taste of joy.

—------------------------------------------------------

Rhythmic rail squeal blended with Jeremy's keyboard clicking was singing sweet lullabies to them while the minty smell of the meadow that they were passing by, was refreshing air of the compartment and making the pink haired girl shiver, but she likes it anyway. Street lamps of towns were twinkling at her from afar and she couldn't help but wonder how these people's day was going there.

Aelita glanced at her other three friends napping on each other across her. The boys' heads had fallen on Yumi's shoulders who was sitting in the middle, while their taller friend was slightly leaning on Ulrich. Kiwi's snoring coming from somewhere under the table, occasionally was drowning their slowed breathing. Maybe this is what peace looks like, she thought to herself, watching her loved ones sleep in quietness after a feverish day.

The boy next to her was still working on her antivirus, as if he hadn't done enough for her today. She wasn't sure how she could truly express her gratitude to him, so Aelita decided to keep it simple.

"Jeremy," she addressed him quietly, afraid to wake the others. "Thank you for this vacation. It was my best day on Earth." completed the girl with a soft smile.

The boy stopped typing out for a moment and turned his gaze away from his laptop to her. "So was mine." he responded, returning her smile.

As the unbearable weight of sleep was folding her in its arms, Aelita curled herself up on the seat and leaned against Jeremy. She drifted into sleep as the boy continued to work, listening to her breath slow down and blending into the others.

[jorrmungandr]

(￣﹃￣)

Ugh, man, I slept okay last night, but I was interrupted by a cramp.

It's so embarrassing to go from horrible, agonizing pain back to feeling compeltely fine in like 30 seconds. Still have a little twinge, it was right on the back of my calf, very odd.

Workin' from home again today. Don't know how much I'm really gonna get done in these last two days before my long vacation. I get 11 days off in a row! All next week, and then monday of the following week for New Years Day.

I've been getting back into Warhammer 40k lately, just a bit. Someone I follow on tumblr (you know who you are :P) got really into it recently, mostly Necrons because of some books (The Infinite and The Divine, I believe). That got me curious, so I looked up what's new. Apparently they're on the TENTH edition now, which is wild. There are a bunch more Imperial factions... and exactly one new Xenos faction (space dwarves are back!).

I was super into Warhammer when I was like 7-10 years old. Not, like, playing the game, obviously, but reading rulebooks and lore and whatnot. I remember I somehow had a Citadel Miniatures Catalogue for like 1997, used to just sit around looking through it. Plus a bunch of issues of White Dwarf, of course. I was way into Chaos Space Marines, I got that codex and absolutely loved it. Had so much cool art and little snippets of fiction.

40k was in its second edition, and I remember with third edition came out and started introducing these wild new plastic model kits. Almost everything was metal back then. That edition change was the first big attempt to simplify the game, as it was wildly complicated before. The vehicle rules were incomprehensible, many units had whole pages of special rules, there were tons of percentile tables to roll on, scatter dice, etc. But third edition slimmed everything down and introduced a lot of suffocating structure to army rules that I didn't like.

Looking at the new rules, it seems like things have swung back in the other direction a bit in the intervening years. Or, at least, they've ended up back there in the latest course correction. Army-building rules are very loose, and all the rules about resolving combat are very simple now. The focus of complexity is on these like... tactical maneuvers, which I still don't quite understand. Seems to works similarly to how magic worked in Warhammer Fantasy back in the day.

Speaking of, I'm still mad that that game is essentially dead. Age of Sigmar is lame. Lame, I say! It seems bizarre that GW decided to kill it when that Total War game was gaining steam, but whatever.

Anyway, I haven't like bought any models, I'm not going crazy. Just bought an Adeptus Mechanicus codex. I like the look of their models, it's really cool that they're finally a proper army faction. Especially the Kastelan Robots, I love the idea that they just... found these ancient, invincible robots and strapped guns to 'em. In 2nd edition, there would definitely be some insane rules where you had to roll to maintain control of them or they'd wander in a random (scatter dice!) direction every turn....

[poohsources]

HELLO EVERYBODY! been a while since i did one of these, i hope you're all doing well, and have a great day / night wherever you are. i'm officially back from my vacation which means i'm officially returning to this blog. yay! now you might be wondering what exactly this means, and truthfully, i'm not too sure yet either. what i do know is that i plan on being around here more regularly. also, i'm planning to finally start working on the christmas giveaway gifts ( if you're one of the winners i've messaged previously, i'll message you again in a few days to discuss details ).

another thing i'm not sure i've mentioned here yet: i got a new job last month which means i definitely don't have as much time anymore as i did previously. it's also one of the reasons i've been so absent since the start of the year because i had to get used to it, learn some new stuff, etc. my schedule changes every week so i can't even give you reliable info on when i'll be able to be here and do stuff but i promise you that'll be something i'll figure out.

anyway, as for content i've planned, i really should start going through my inbox and try to answer as many questions there as possible. things have been really piling up in there and i'm very sorry about the delay in answers. there are also a few requests (primarily for certain kinds of memes ) that i will be working on slowly but surely. in terms of memes, i have some half-finished ones sitting in my drafts so i might just post these sometime soon. additionally, there are some other things i started working on a while back ― like some psds, templates, etc. ― that i might try finishing. so just a whole bunch of new content to use.

one new thing i might try out in the future is something one of you mentioned when i made that post about putting some very time-consuming or image-heavy templates behind some kind of temporary paywall. not sure how exactly i'm gonna do this yet ( i have a few ideas and websites, like patreon, in mind already, but i first want to see all the different possibilities i have on what site and what makes it the easiest and most user friendly for both you and me ). but that is something that's probably gonna take a few weeks / months still ― we'll see.

even though i could probably go on for a while and tell you about everything that's going on in my mind regarding this blog and its future, that's gonna be all for today. because honestly ― none of it is ever set in stone and while i do have some exciting things i wanna do here, real life can always get in the way so i feel back if i make too many promises i then have to delay. but i'm gonna try my best because i care about all of you people, the rpc as a whole, this stupid little hellsite i could curse multiple times a day, and although it's not much i do wanna contribute a little something to make this a nicer place for everyone.

so yeah, take care everyone, don't forget to drink enough water and get enough sleep, and i'll talk to you again soon. 🧡

[cranqerrie]

Deciding to post a lil backstory abt my weight and my need to be skinny

Up until 8th grade i was pretty skinny, weighed 46kgs, pretty sure I had a flat stomach because I did like so many handstands and cartwheels daily. I never gave a shit about my weight or body or food that I ate. if you ask me what my body looked like i could not tell you cuz I never even noticed but I would always get told I should be a model because genuinely i think my bone structure is amazing, I have the sharp jawline and like model face structure but rn it's covered in fat.

Then covid hit in 2020 when I was in 9th grade. I started sitting on my ass playing stardew valley for 9 hrs a day, my parents became more lenient with food and would let me get a bunch of stuff from bakeries, didn't notice I was gaining weight until my neighbour told my mom, "hey your daughter gained weight" and then my mom told me.

Still didn't give a shit really. Until one day when my parents asked me to weigh myself, said no cuz i knew i wasn't as skinny anymore but they promised that it didn't work and they just had to test that out. i got on the scale and I don't really remember the number but I remember my mom jumping up and down glad that she weighed less than me and all i remember is running to my room and crying. I think i was 60+, not sure. Anyways, the fat comments started thanks to my parents. Eventually started starving myself but it lasted two weeks 💀 Then in 11th, physical school started, my weight was mostly 53-55 kgs and my lowest was 52.1 in 12th (before graduation) (AND THE NO. OF COMPLIMENTS I GOT). Then we had 4 months of summer vacation before college, started the vacations at 54, ended with 59. Came to college at 59 kgs 😭

But you see, its so much easier to starve here and my motivation to eat is barely there. It takes so much effort to eat, dining halls are so crowded, we have like 30 minute lunch breaks and thats basically the walk from academic block to the dining hall so i don't have time. Its been a week, and ive had my step count vary from 7k to 22k and I barely eat now. Can't wait to go back home at 45 kgs and have my parents be shocked </3 However I literally can't tell if I'm losing weight because no weighing scale + no full body mirror where you can see yourself naked, so we're just gonna hv to hope ig

This place feels kinda comforting knowing people out here do this, i don't know. Hopefully I stay motivated throughout <33

(also no, I don't have an ed but I literally don't know what tags to put, this is my first time here)

[lostandfoundvocaltrax2005]

August 15th. Evening, at the time of writing this.

today was the first day of school. kind of. DWMA doesn't really do regular school vacations. for EAT students, that is. evil doesn't relax and all that. but, it was the first day for me, who is on Kidd's time-off schedule. it was his first day back, my first, day, you get the deal. whatever. it went.. decently? the teacher, Mr. Barrett introduced me - which, i thought was a little redundant until i remembered its technically not a new school year for others. makes sense to introduce me and all that. for awhile i've been wondering if this was a good idea, as its felt really impulsive and frankly, like more of the same. i have to move to a new place for certain reasons -> i stick around for a year or so (sometimes with exceptions to this, but usually no longer than a year) -> i get too close to people -> i have to leave semi-abruptly. thats the cycle i've been in since i was.. twelve? as i was only in ohio for a few months and the whole ingrid incident only lasted like, a day. well, it took a week to sort out, but the main event was only like.. seven hours. real pain in the neck for something so short. i was also worried because i recently got into a spat with my older brother, Astro, which has.. kind of thrown me off my groove. the good news is, we made up! really fast too. the bad news is that i feel absolutely horrible about it (post argument clarity is the worst) and feel like my view of myself has been shaken up. for awhile i've sort of felt more mature than those around me, for the most part. if not more mature, then like i had a leg up - i knew more than them, because i had to. so basically i feel like i've been knocked on my ass.

but, its given me a chance to reflect on myself and why i act like this, and i've come up with a couple reasons as to why i'm.. like this. i'm not trying to pathologize myself, because thats stupid, nor am i making excuses. i'm just hoping that by finding the specific root causes, i'll be able to work around them and maybe understand myself better. and maybe it'll help others understand too. not like anyones ever gonna see this, but, a ghoul can dream, can't he?

first reason, repeated traumatic instances: i feel like this is the greatest thing thats affected my behavior. and like, yeah, no fuckin' duh it did. its kind of strange, i guess my body handles mental trauma different from physical trauma? one of the things i observed during the ingrid incident was the different rates at which i healed: first was the lacerations, second was the armpit jabs (it feels embarrassing to say i got stabbed there, but such is life), third was the burns on my legs. but i've yet to really recover mentally. fully, anyways, i've gotten better than when i was younger. so... i suspect i'm going to be dealing with this forever... yay... second reason, fae brain: the fae aren't exactly known for being super mature, so it makes sense its sort of in my blood to not be. (i do wonder if a faerie brain deals with trauma differently than a human brain...) third reason, the people i was modeled after: Astro, if you're reading this, consider this your warning to stop reading right now. anyways. you can think whatever you want about the people i was supposed to mimic. you can think L was the best detective ever (he was), you can deify and idolize him, whatever. but, he was not a mature man. he himself even knew this, which is mature of him. everything else, though? not at all. Dad, if you're reading this, consider this your warning to stop reading right now too. and Jasmine... i've heard all about her, i've read through her files.. and she.... i supposed the concept of maturity is different for everyone, but heres how i see it: maturity is to be able to act with compassion. not to say acting with blind kindness and being a doing whatever anyone else wants is smart, no, but the ability to try and compromise with and give people chances (even if they don't deserve it), and work through whatever that may bring. i don't doubt either of the people i was supposed to be were adults, or unkind, but neither were what i'd call the epitome of maturity. fourth reason, the people i've been around: i'm not trying to shift blame, i promise. but, i've gotten used to being the youngest in my polycule, but also the most "mature" at my old school(s). which, for the latter, isn't a very high bar to clear. but i won't deny this has affected me in some way. being around enablers, feeling rather coddled by older peers, and feeling like its been my responsibility to keep people safe.

maybe it was a good thing Astro and i had our spat, i feel like i understand myself a little better now (even if the mere thought of what happened kind of makes me want to take a nap on a highway).

another thing i was worried about is.. well, the other people here and my weapon partner. i'm worried that, especially with Excalibur's reputation, people are gonna think worse of me. they're gonna think i'm a cheater, or some kind of nepotism baby. (which, i am technically, but i really try not to be!) i'm also scared that everything thats happening is impermanent, or just another wammy's. another school of child soldiers to replace my old one. sure, you could argue DWMA's more ethical, but is that really a compliment? i mean, Hellsing's more fucking ethical than wammys! its really not a hard thing to achieve! i'm also scared this is gonna end(heh) as soon as its started. that what i've got going on right now with my boys + Maka is going to be some kind of.. i don't know. i don't know at all. the idea of loosing them, by accident or by growing apart or because of something else makes me feel sick, but its the reality i'm most prepared for. hell, i even keep track of apartments and jobs in shibooya for what feels like the inevitable fuck up that ruins everything! i've been getting into spats more and more with people i care about and i'm scared. i know it means that the honeymoon phase is over but i don't want my relationships to become strained over misunderstandings or my own stupidity. i almost lost Astro because i was too curious to just leave him the hell alone, and indirectly got Jackson to sniff him out, and too immature to be an adult about it.

i mean, sure, Astro wasn't what i'd call "nice" about it, but he had he reasons to be! that case is probably the most stressful thing imaginable, and i almost jeopardized so many things. (....although, one thing i will say in my defense: don't have a blog full of sensitive info set to public, or so obviously yours to people who know you. but thats not a good excuse for me.) ..actually, speaking of unethical, whats up with the stairs at the DWMA? i know on the brochure's its so "provide students with daily exercise", but.. jesus, dude. i wonder how many people have died on that thing. i also wonder if its a way to weed out students who won't be able to keep up. which, i guess is necessary. still doesn't sit right with me, but i'm not getting paid to look into this stuff anymore. (not to say i was ever getting paid, but you know.) one of the really nice things that happened today, also: i have no idea how, but i've managed to go completely under Black⚝'s radar until the first class of today. when the teacher introduced me to the class, i swear he looked like he was about to pass out. or puke. or both. he didn't do either, thank god.

he did give me a hug that i'm certain almost broke a few of my ribs, though. which felt awesome. he's small, but really well built. and his skins always kinda warm too? maybe because its august. so that was really nice. classes are alright so far too. its all new material, but i think i'm getting it pretty well! (<-voice of a boo-y whos going to fail her tests) well, no, i shouldn't self sabotage. that doesn't help anyone. i also got to have lunch with everyone too, which was also really nice! god, for all my worrying, i'm having a good time. i do wonder what i'm gonna do after i graduate, though. i know its "not over until you make a death scythe (weapon?)", but with Asura kind of under wraps(heh), is there... really any need to make more? sure, it'd kind of defeat the purpose of the whole damn school, but i really do have to wonder whats going to happen from now on regarding that. ....but i guess thats for someone else to worry about.

[kafkaoftherubble]

俺在今早成了第一个经历过睡眠瘫痪的“我”。

只能说是个很interesting一下的体验。

I wasn't too afraid. More confused and annoyed when it happened.

Above all else, I just feel tired. 死死要移动四肢，身体却不听使唤地瘫在床上，颈项不能移动，嘴巴张不了，声音发不出。俺这叛逆孩子硬硬抗头脑的瘫痪运作真的很搞笑啊。Not only did I not move a single muscle, it just exhausted both me and the body in the end. It's so Sisyphean in a way.

Apparently, many people panic when it happens. I can see why. I'm only not panicking because I'm sluggish, dumb, and kinda more caught up in the details. At one point, we were rehearsing how to get up in theoretical steps like it's a video game maneuver (First, I should flex my finger. Then, I move my arm toward the edge of the bed. And then—).

They say you show who you really are during crises that are out of control and sudden. I suppose the fact that I wasn't panicking but robotically trying to get what I wanted. Yes, there was an entity of sort; an entity preventing me from turning to face it dead in its eyes. It was how we realized we were paralyzed; we couldn't turn to lock eyes with this entity. What a gaessaekki.

It's what we always do when things happen, right? We just wanna stare at "the horror."

This should go into our diary, Future Lyns.

I wonder... if I'm overworked. We haven't been working on subtitles because we wanted to work on the zine, but we haven't had the chance to do much anything beyond the zine either. 最多就是跟老妹晚上玩点Resident Evil 6，然后深夜写点小傻故事给那两条水看 （简直是咱们唯二的读者）。白天花在教屁孩补习，然后就是搞那同人志。就算有点空闲时间都花在找文章资料。And through it all, we have to defend ourselves from Them saying, "well, are you really that good at any of these things? You're gonna suck. Your stuff will come out like shit. It's gonna be all chaos..."

有点小羡慕知己跟朋友去玩，不过俺也知道人家最近家里也不简单，所以他能与死党去玩倒也是不错的。嘛，咱们的度假又会是什么样子啊？Drawing hands again? Re-draw that back cover? Do I even have the time to waste on that?

As that little Voice did complain, though. "When was the last time you had an actual break? You're gonna get a work project soon and you're not even resting on any of these days!"

But what does our vacation even look like? What can I do to actually feel recharged, anyway? Video games and The Whirlwind had been the best, and yet they aren't enough. Lying around and sleeping is not our thing at all; we only sleep when we need to, otherwise we're wasting time. I can study my Buddhist Ethics book or that neuroscience tome or the new book about reason (The Enigma of Reason). Oh crap, I misremembered the author of The Enigma of Reason as Herbert Spencer, the fucking political philosopher.

I think I have my one foot dipped into that fugue state. My brain is really mushy. Even if I study, can anything even get through its skull?

Maybe I should do what Fionn reminded me, that of what Previous Lyn thought: paint a lotus flower. But if that's the case I rather paint the boys' hands.

[abcdosaka]

was on vacation for a week. that was a lot of fun. some hiking, some clubbing, saw a drag show, touristy shopping, biking, thrift shopping, baking, walked barefoot on the beach, and a bit of chilling. lots of drinking, like 4 drinks a day type drinking. plus most of it wasn't planned. fairly cheap too, i spent around $300 total (not including the flight costs). probably the best vacation i've ever been on. i think i actually felt free for once in comparison to travelling with family which is normally like kinda depressing. plus i got to hang with e and she is just a really good friend to just be with she's so chill and our vibes match really well. maybe bc i'm a worrier and she's like excessively relaxed but its a good matchup heheh. just seeing how she lives and realizing that i hold myself to impossible standards. not saying she lives like shit but really that i live like shit like i don't play music when i'm just chilling i hardly practice my hobbies or singing or even just talking to people or gaming or something. i'm always looking for something to stress me out when it really just is not that serious

kinda felt like my spirit and happiness came back a bit like i remember who i am now. i read something wheein had said at a recent concert about how, before mamamoo really blew up, she had worked insanely hard and it was very depressing for her - she felt like the sensitive part of her had died. i think i was in a really similar state and maybe i still kind of am. or i was trying to kill it in a way and be a robot. that's just not me though like i'm a sensitive girl and always have been, i cry hard and i laugh loud i'm simply a person in this world. i don't think that's changing and i don't think i should try to change that. i've been feeling really emotional for the last few months and i was trying to suppress it but now i think i should express those feelings. maybe it means more crying or more writing i don't really know tbh. but i think i need to start expanding my perspectives. maybe thats a healthier way of getting more courage and reducing my anxiety instead of forcing myself to suck it up lmao. last night after e and i were chatting before going to sleep i remember thinking about how performance reviews are coming up and i was dreading them but now i think i can face them fine. i have a much more positive attitude.

i had a phone call with my dad today too and those are always so grating because it feels so tense like there's things we should be discussing but we don't. but i discussed them anyway today like i had the courage for once and i cried a bit lmao but it was about my brother and my worries about him and what that's gonna mean for our family's future and he actually opened up to me about what has happened to him in the past and why he's not as worried as i am. and tbh my dad has done some dumb shit and come out fine. maybe the world isn't as easy at it used to be but at the same time, i got lucky too. i think my dad and i are the lucky ones and my mom and brother are the unlucky ones. but to be fair me and my dad put ourselves out there. but for some reason my dad discourages that in my brother. idk. it's not my responsibility so i won't worry about it. if things get worse then i'll make the decision i have to make then, but i won't worry about it now. anyways it's a bit of weight off my shoulders.