#Anyone else who wants a folk song i love - just send me an ask. I'm scattering them tonight for Shrove Tuesday. | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

cherriegyuu · 1 year ago

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seventeen as songs from folklore (ts)

this is also include songs from evermore

a/n: for this, i'll be giving songs and lyrics to each of the members, as well as small plots based on those lyrics. i don't plan to write all of these, but they are still my ideas (as basic as some of them might be). so if you are interested in writing one of them, you can message me about it. if you want to read one of them you can send in a request and i'll write for you

• Seungcheol ➝ Champagne Problems Your mom's ring in your pocket Her picture in your wallet You won't remember all my Champagne problems ↳ you watch from afar as Seungcheol moves on with his life after you broke his heart.

• Jeonghan ➝ Gold Rush I don't like that anyone would die to feel your touch Everybody wants you Everybody wonders what it would be like to love you ↳ you always took pride in the fact that you aren’t very jealous of your boyfriend, mostly because you trust him blindly. But, sometimes, you need him to remind you that you’re the only one he loves.

• Joshua ➝ 'Tis The Damn Season You can run, but only so far I escaped it too, remember how you watched me leave But if it's okay with you, it's okay with me ↳ it’s been years since you last saw Joshua. At the time, both of you had been desperate to leave and ready to start your lives in the big city, however, you were the only one who managed to escape. Years later, you came back for the holidays and things seemed to be the exact same, including your feelings for him.

• Jun ➝ Hoax Your faithless love's the only hoax I believe in Don't want no other shade of blue but you No other sadness in the world would do ↳ you knew Jun had fallen out of love with you a long time ago but still you couldn’t bring yourself to let go, having him hate you was better than not having his at all.

• Soonyoung ➝ Mirrorball And I'm still a believer, but I don't know why I've never been a natural, all I do is try try try I'm still on that trapeze I'm still trying everything to keep you looking at me ↳ Soonyoung is just tired of being the life of the party, of always being the one people go to when they aren’t feeling well because they know he will cheer them up. For once, he wished someone else did the listening and comforting.

• Wonwoo ➝ Seven Love you to the Moon and to Saturn Passed down like folk songs The love lasts so long ↳ never in your life would you have thought that you would be able to love someone but then you met Wonwoo, and he showed you just how great love could be with the right person.

• Jihoon ➝ Illicit Affairs Look at this godforsaken mess that you made me You showed me colors you know I can't see with anyone else Look at this idiotic fool that you made me You taught me a secret language I can't speak with anyone else ↳ Jihoon never thought that he would be the third person in a relationship and yet, there he is, looking at you from afar as you dance with your fiancé.

• Minghao ➝ Cardigan But I knew you'd linger like a tattoo kiss I knew you'd hunt all of my what-ifs ↳ as a college student, you had a one-sided crush on Minghao. even years later, when he's no longer in your life, you can't help but compare every guy you meet to him.

• Mingyu ➝ Right Where You Left Me Did you ever hear about the girl who got frozen? Time went on for everybody else, she won't know it She's still twenty-three inside her fantasy ↳ you were never ready to move on after you lost Mingyu.

• Seokmin ➝ The One I persist and resist the temptation to ask you If one thing had been different Would everything be different today? ↳ you never thought you'd see Seokmin again, but when you're forced to change jobs you discover that he is your new boss you can't help but reminisce on the past.

• Vernon ➝ August Back when we were still changin' for the better Wanting was enough For me, it was enough To live for the hope of it all ↳ you always had hope that one day Vernon would see you as more than just a friend, so when he introduces you to his new girlfriend you feel your heart break into a million pieces.

• Seungkwan ➝ Invisible String Time, curious time Gave me no clue, gave me no signs We're there clues I didn't see? ↳ since you were kids, life always found a way to put you and Seungkwan together in the same room.

• Chan ➝ This Is Me Trying I was so ahead of the curve, the curve became a sphere Fell behind all my classmates and I ended up here Pouring out my heart to a stranger ↳ Everyone always had high expectations for Chan, he was always the future of something. For once, all Chan wanted was to live in the moment, and with you, he found an opportunity to do so.

taglist: @wonwooz1, @ryuwonieebae, @sobun1est, @mirtaspace, @ho34gojo, @feat-sun, @wonvsmile, @mhlsymlysn, @swinterr, @immabecreepin, @uniq-tastic, @miriamxsworld

if you were tagged, please consider reblogging

if you want to be tagged in my next fics, please fill out this form

#k-labels #seventeen imagine #svt imagine #choi seungcheol #yoon jeonghan #hong joshua #moon junhui #kwon soonyoung #jeon wonwoo #lee jihoon #xu minghao #lee seokmin #kim mingyu #chwe hansol #boo seungkwan #lee chan #taylor swift

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harrowharkwife · 2 years ago

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tagged by @hearteyesdiaz !!!

🎶✨️When you get this you have to put 5 songs you actually listen to, publish, then send this ask to 10 of your favourite mutuals (non-negotiable, positivity is cool) ✨️🎶

1. Welcome to My Island by Caroline Polachek (that primal cry at the beginning? the entire music video? the bridge? "desire, i wanna turn into you?" SLAPS! also this has buck vibes and it's on my buck playlist.)

2. Moves by Suki Waterhouse (just so so sultry and tender and silly and sexy of a song, i'm obsessed with it. "die a double death for you, death for your secrets?" eddie vibes for reasons i can't explain.)

3. Two Weeks by fka twigs (i've had this one ON REPEAT all week. it's fucking phenomenal. "pull out the incisor, give me two weeks you won't recognize her, higher than a motherfucker dreaming of you as my lover" is a fantastic lyric)

4. Holding Back by Banks (i've said it before i'll say it again but banks is criminally underrated!!!! seeing her live was a highlight of my summer! "not every conversation is a new grenade, all i wanna do is get you loved and laid" i mean hello?)

5. Best Friend the Floor by Watsky (pop punk vibes sort of? "i've been doin' donuts all around my head, watch me flip my miata baby now i'm dead")

tagging: @folk-fae @sweetrevelation @batekush @yoonjinzayn @exbeekeeper @floodedlungs @imnotyourwinona @tendercoretroglodyke @yramesoruniverse and anyone else who wants to do this!

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bioerin · 2 years ago

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I posted 4,589 times in 2022

60 posts created (1%)

4,529 posts reblogged (99%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@empiria-caterima

@chiqita

@oddishblossom

@str-ngeloop

@inthetags

I tagged 2,004 of my posts in 2022

#yeah - 57 posts

#eurovision - 26 posts

#yes - 20 posts

#cool - 19 posts

#supernatural - 19 posts

#self reblog - 18 posts

#me - 12 posts

#tag game - 12 posts

#ask game - 11 posts

#the phantom of the opera - 10 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#i once told a customer a magnet was 90€ and they just looked at me for a while and i did not get it until they asked 'that expensive' until

My Top Posts in 2022:

Tagged by @frost0wl to tag 9 books I plan to read this year.

I have to admit I don't plan to read them all this year 😬 just plan to read them... sometime...

See the full post

9 notes - Posted January 19, 2022

Trick or treat 👻

Look at Nietzsche asking for pets

(Send me "trick or treat" 👻)

10 notes - Posted October 31, 2022

Tagged by @oddishblossom thank you!! loved your songs!

4 Songs I’ve Had On Repeat Lately:

Pas de Deux by Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky

REPRISE by The Lumineers

Migraine by Twenty One Pilots

Es atnācu uguntiņu - Latvian folk song (the song and dance festival version has been playing in my head a lot)

Tagging: @lalalalan @psychicbanana24 @drearywhispers @coldjellyfishsoul @bumblebee-bea and anyone else who wants to

12 notes - Posted February 22, 2022

hey hyehyeyehye!!!!! i'll be going to finland in 3 days i'm super mega exited i'll be visiting mostly the south and the lake area and whie i'll be sure to enjoy the view i wanted to know if you have food recomandation? you are my closest mutual to there so you must have heard of some traditional dishes, i already have my eyes on karjalanpiirakka c:

hiiiiiiii

omg that's so nice!!!! good luck in finland!!!!!!! have been there only once when i was kid and i don't remember much, but only good vibes

the best thing i've eaten that is originally from finland: juustoleipä. i might be saying this just because i'm a cheese enthusiast, but it's a squeaky cheese that honestly does not have a lot of spice, but it's nice in texture and overall feeling.

also idk how familiar you are with rye bread but i also recommend that! i honestly have no idea if it reaches south europe and if you already eat it regularly

you could also try the scandinavian salty liquorice but i personally think that food was invented by the devil and only demons can enjoy eating it lol

as for karjalanpiirakka i have no idea, never tried any! hope it tastes good!

anyway, enjoy your time in finland and i hope you will be able to escape the death heat of summer i imagine italy being!!! (although it will still be hot probably idk)

20 notes - Posted August 12, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Tag People You Wanna Get to Know Better

Tagged by @oddishblossom thank you!! Really liked yours!!!

Relationship Status: single

Song Stuck in My Head: Mamma Mia by ABBA it's because I read a post recently about the movie mamma mia and the song just... emerged

Last Thing You Googled: the try guys (bc i saw a post how they've... fell apart. they did.)

Time: 20:55 at the moment

Dream Trip: I would like to go everywhere starting with Alaska. I just feel like no one would be there and I could just be.

Last Thing You Read: your love is sunlight by doodlebutt. a wangxian au fix-it fic which was just so nice to read

Last Book You Enjoyed Reading: Golden Stage. Huh I really have not read any books since 2020 yikes. Anyway Golden Stage my wonderful enemies to lovers book loved it with my whole heart.

Last Book You Hated Reading: The Girl With Nine Wigs. Got that book as a gift ages ago, and it is probably very bad of me to say I didn't enjoy reading about a girl with cancer based on true events. But I won't lie, I did not like reading it all. The main character tried to be relatable with the reader but I never connected with her, so I guess that was the problem.

Favorite Craft to Do in Your Free Time: does assembling ikea furniture count? I've recently moved and everything in my room is from ikea now. And I even got a little toolbox kit from ikea!! Look at me go! I just have to learn how to make holes in the wall and then I'll be unstoppable.

If that doesn't count I would say creating little trinkets now and then? I don't really have time to do anything, but I like to do stuff like gluing glitter to an old key and putting it up on a wall, or tying something to a string and creating a cat toy, things like that.

Most Niche Dislike: I don't like cut flowers. Of course, if I ever get any, I'm polite and thank people, but overall I just don't like taking a cut flower and putting it in a vase to die.

Opinion on Circuses: The only time I went to circus was the only time I saw my biological father in person. I was eight and it was very, very weird and thus circuses has always been tied to that event in my life and I feel very weird about them. This event is most probably tied with me not liking cut flowers, because before that I had no opinion about them, but then my father came to see me and gave me flowers and I was very, very uncomfortable.

Do You Have Any Sense of Direction: Not really, I am really bad at it. However, after taking a few wrong turns I would find my way anyway. But I know people who are worse than me and cannot even follow google maps, so I'm not that horribly bad.

Woosh this was an interesting tag game that took me places I did not expect to go!

Tagging (no pressure): @empiria-caterima @coldjellyfishsoul @frost0wl @ante--meridiem

21 notes - Posted September 28, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #i read none of the books lol

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xxisxxisxxis · 5 years ago

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Gateway Drug | Part Fifty-Six

A/N: Hey, guys! I know it seems like we're never gonna get to the good stuff because I'm not moving as quickly through the story as usual (10 chapters usually = 1 year) but that's because there's A LOT that's happening in 1987 and I don't want to rush through it because it's all important to the build up. But thank you for being patient, I promise it will get to the drama very soon!

Also, I would just like to know what are some of your Gateway Drug unpopular opinions??? Just send me an ask (anonymous or not, doesn't matter to me) and let me know if you've got one💜

Words: 4k

Warning(s): explicit language, domestic abuse, mentions of drug abuse

Tag List: @unknownoblivion @sinningsixx @edwardtriggerhandzz @lemmyjelly @haileynicoleseavey17 @cierrasixx19 @oskea93 @mgkobsessed @vamprlestat @sharon6713 @itsametaphorbriansblog @miriampraez @allie-mcginn @xpoisonousrosesx @rebeccaphillips14 @nicholeh7 @fandomshit6000 @lilmou5ie @tamedhearts @divaanya @kingbouji3 @evrsncnewyork @6ixx6ixx @ratedrkohardychick91 @floregrohlssard @oldschoolimagineblog @thanks2pete @abaldboi @swoopygorl @justjodeye @liith-ium @caos18blog @ytwahsog @shamlessobsession @scarecrowmax @toadspleen @random-internet-user-4471 @solohqrry @loveofmyloif @sparxx27 @kaitieskidmore1 @cruecifymesixx @ijustwanttokiss70srogertaylor @emmaelizabeth2014 @meetthesixxter @sixxsixxsexx @sublimeprincesswasteland @arianareirg @girlnight-terror @mcnibberachi

@fancywasmyname1 @teller258316 @ggorehorror @blowinmeupwithherlove @xrosegoldwolfx @mylifeisjustafeverdream @redlipscrystalskies14 @str4nge-haze

LET ME KNOW IF YOU WANT TO BE TAGGED

After weeks of going back and forth over the Duff ordeal, Nikki and I had finally put it behind us.

Or so I thought.

I smile at my pastor as I take his extended hand for a second, the two of us exchanging "goodbye"s after service.

"Have a good week, Vivian." He tells me.

I open my mouth to reply but the loud sound of a Harley Davidson is causing he and I, and everyone waiting behind me to speak to him, and everyone already in the parking lot, to turn attention to the culprit.

Nikki stops at the curb on the street, arrogantly grinning at me and I nervously glance at my pastor.

"I-I'm gonna go. I'll see you next Sunday, good sermon." I assure him.

"See you then, Vivian." He replies, his eyes still on Nikki before I'm quickly making my way off the church's porch, my heels clicking against the pavement as I step to the street.

"Nikki, what are you doing here?" I ask him, and he looks at me over his shades.

"You gonna get on the bike or not?" He ignores me, chewing his gum, and I exhale.

"I'm wearing a dress." I state.

"I know, you look pretty." He looks me up and down.

"No, I mean I'm wearing a dress. I can't just straddle a bike at 55 miles per hour, Nikki. It'll be blowing over my head."

"Then take it off." He shrugs.

"Nikki."

"Babe, it's Los Angeles. Nobody cares if they see Vivian Sixx's panties." He brushes it off and I just stare at him, not wanting to tell him why that's still an issue.

His face shifts, his grin turns into a full-fledged smile, a boyish laugh flutters past his lips and he looks so, so amused.

"You're not wearing any?" He asks me, and I turn beet red, hitting at his arm with my hand.

"I couldn't. There was a panty line." I explain to him as discreetly as I can.

"You didn't wear panties to church?"

"Shh!" I cover his mouth with my hand for a second, glancing around.

It seems people are just staring because Nikki Sixx is in their parking lot.

I don't know if some of them even realize that he's attended a service here before.

"Well, lemme see." He enthusiastically let's out as he reaches for the hem of my dress that falls right about my knees and I swat his hand away, giving him a death glare. "You're dirty." He teases and I hug my Bible to me.

"Shut up."

He's suddenly dropping his switchblade from his pocket on purpose and it hits the ground.

"Oops. Wanna bend over and pick it up?" He asks me and I hit him again, causing him to laugh once again.

He reaches down and grabs it before patting the seat behind him.

"Viv, seriously, commando aside, get on. We have a hot date for brainstorming the video ideas for 'Girls, Girls, Girls'."

I look around again before just having to mentally say "screw it" and strategically get on without flashing anyone, making sure my dress lays between me and the seat.

Nikki and I give one last glance to the folks coming out of the church, looking at us, including the pastor.

Nikki offers a mischievous smile and a wave before crossing himself and I lightly hit his thigh while saying, "babe, quit, it's not a catholic church."

"Oh. Oops." He shrugs before taking off.

One thing about Harley Davidson, if you're sensitive to sensation, you will damn near be drowning yourself by the time the ride is over.

I scowl at Nikki as I take another paper towel and wipe myself clean as he leans against the door of the bathroom, chuckling at me.

"It's not funny. My dress is wet." I scold him.

"Well, it's not my fault your pot holds that much honey." He defends himself, trying to hold back more laughter.

I stare him down."Okay, I'm sorry. I'm being insensitive to your hyperactive pussy-juice glands." He let's out in a serious tone but he smirks when I look at him, again.

"Nikki."

"Shoulda worn panties, huh? Well, wouldn't have mattered that'd just be one more thing for you to gripe about leaking in."

"Keep talking and you won't get to dip your honey wand in the pot for very, very, long time." I threaten and he stops abruptly.

"Fine." He smartly says, rolling his eyes.

Once I get cleaned up, we're stepping into the studio just in time for Vince to sarcastically say:

"'Pussy. Everywhere. All kinds of pussy'."

As if he's mocking somebody.

"Stupid fucker." He adds, he, Tommy, Doc and Mick all turning to face us.

"I need to go back to church." I tell Nikki and he smiles, shaking his head a little.

"Hey, Viv." Vince greets me, looking me up and down, exaggerating the kiss of his teeth. "You look good today."

"Means a lot coming from someone who thinks groupies are the most beautiful women in the world." I say through a fake smile.

"Any woman with a good body and right equipment is the most beautiful woman in the world to me." He agrees, grinning.

"Swine."

"Dirty stripper."

"Strippers!" Tommy suddenly pipes and I look at him.

"Tommy, please, don't encourage him."

"No, for the video. Film it in a strip club." He suggests.

"Would that get played on television?" I ask.

"Fuck MTV. I'm down." Vince agrees with Tommy.

"Mick?" Tommy nudges at the guitar player, who shrugs.

"That's the whole point of the song, isn't it?" He says.

The three of them look to Nikki for final approval and Nikki looks at me, an evil genius smile pulling at the corners of his mouth.

"Under one condition."

The one condition being...

"Are you out of your mind?!" I say to Nikki when we get back home as he continues to try to convince me.

We had to go by and get my car from church and I thought we had settled it before we even left the studio but just as we met at our front door, he asked me about it, again.

"Viv, it's like a four minute song and you won't be but in a few clips of the video."

"I'm not playing the part of a stripper, Nikki! I'm not..." I try to think of the words to describe everything an exotic dancer has that I don't. "...I don't have it." Is the best I can use to explain it.

"What the hell does that even mean?"

"I don't know but I'm not comfortable prancing around in heels and lingerie, dancing for strangers in a club and millions of more on television." I state. "I'm not doing it."

"Well you heard Sharise when Vince called and asked her. She said 'yes'."

"I'm not her, Nikki. Sharise can pull it off because she's sexy and sensual and confident enough for it."

He looks at me like I've lost my last marble.

"Vivian, are you fucking kidding me? You don't think you're sexy?!"

"No, I'm not, now drop it." I tell him, stepping to our bedroom.

Firstly, glory to God and all the saints said "amen", secondly...you can find me dancing half naked several times in Mötley Crüe's infamous "Girls, Girls, Girls" music video.

"Baby, you're perfect. What the hell are you talking about?" He follows after me and I sigh.

"Of course you think that because we're together." I state, about to get a shower and change clothes.

"Viv, seriously." He grabs at my wrist to stop me from walking away, his hand gently running across my cheek. "I am married to the most beautiful, smart, funny, loving, sexy woman on the entire planet."

"Thank you for the ass kissing, but if it's in an effort to get me to be in the video, it's still a 'no'."

"I was just reminding you of those things." He tells me, smiling. "Can you at least think about doing the video?"

"Nope." I reply, pecking his lips before stepping to the shower.

There is no way in hell I'm going to be in that video.

I don't know how the hell we went from that day to this:

My blood boils.

I can tell Nikki's smirking, despite his back being turned to me in his seat as "Wild Side" starts to fade out, sounds of the street playing in the song signaling it's ending.

I've managed to keep from saying a word, hoping the song got better at some point...except it only got worse.

Vince, Tommy, Mick and Doc all wait for me to say something.

Anything.

Nikki finally turns to face me, smirk tugging at his lips, eyes fucked on heroin, and I see nothing but the devil looking at me.

"Well?" He asks me, leaned back, hand covering his lips to attempt to mask his pride in pissing me off.

"Typically when you ask someone to repeat a prayer that's important to their faith, you don't write a song that completely picks apart and disrespects--"

"--Oh, here we go." He grumbles, rolling his eyes.

"I'm sorry, did you expect to write bullshit like 'our Father who ain't in Heaven' and think I would be ok--"

"--I expected you to fucking support me--" He starts but I stop him.

"--Somebody's up there or else you wouldn't be alive!" I state, talking over him.

His laugh mocks me, only causing more tension to fill up the room, and I have to keep myself from going at him.

"I'm alive because I fucking want to be." He hisses.

"That's real bold of you to say, Nikki."

"Oh, is it? Because it pisses God, or whatever else imaginary friend you cry to, off?"

"Nikki." Doc states, knowing he's just trying to piss me off at this point.

"Fuck off, Doc." He barks. "I took a meaningless chant and turned it into something useful. I'm sorry if you're too closed minded to accept that, Vivian."

I don't say a word, grabbing my purse and stepping to the door as fast as I can, not wanting to argue over something he thinks is stupid to begin with. "It really sucks you don't like, especially since you're a credited co-writer on it." He states suddenly and this stops me in my tracks.

"I'm what?" I ask through my teeth.

"A credited co-writer. Meaning when the album is put out, your name will be listed as one of the writers of the song." He explains.

I spin around to face him and he's looking at me innocently.

I'm not angry with the song. I'm angry he knew it would upset me, and instead of giving me a warning or being honest with me about it, he's instead saying everything he can to further hurt me, and he's proud of himself for it.

"I thought you'd be happy with that...you know, early anniversary present?" He's wearing a smug smile.

"Nikki. How you're going about it is disrespectful to me." I try to tell him, calmly.

"So is lying to me about who you're hanging out with."

That does it.

I get one good punch in before everyone's in an uproar, trying to separate us.

Nikki's got a fistful of my hair, and I'm hitting Doc as hard as I can, trying to get him away from Nikki so I can better access the feral bastard.

Doc gets knocked out of the way, and Nikki's other hand grabs at my throat while I kick at him roughly, causing him to let me go and stumble back a few steps before I'm swinging on him again.

Doc blocks my hit and Tommy and Vince keep Nikki away from me.

"Let the little bitch go, I wanna fucking show her something!" Nikki threats angrily

"You've showed me enough of your bullshit the last four years that divorce is something I'm looking forward to!" I shout back.

"Psycho cunt!"

"Mommy Issued Junkie!" I bite back, causing him to try to get to me again, and causing me to fight against Doc once more.

"Stop it!" Doc yells over us.

"Fuck you!" Nikki and I exclaim at the same time.

His cheek is bright red from where I hit him, and my scalp is burning from how hard he tugged at my hair.

"Guys, c'mon." Tommy tells us as they try to get us to calm down.

"This is starting to get ridiculous." Vince adds.

"Fuck off, Vince!" Nikki snaps.

"Shut the fuck up, Nikki." Vince puts in just as I say, "don't fucking talk to him like that!" in defense of Vince.

"Oh, have you been lying to me about how much time you spend with him, too?!"

"How much time are you really spending with Vanity, Nikki?! I can easily turn this back around on you!" I point out.

Nikki, Vince, and Tommy all get awfully quiet, Nikki's nostrils flaring.

I know he's spending more time with her, except he's never lied to me about it, he just doesn't necessarily tell me when they hang out. And it's because he wants me to believe he's off crack, and if they hang out, they're doing drugs together.

"Get the fuck out." He demands.

"Gladly. Don't bother coming home tonight. Just stay out, shoot up with Robbin and smoke crack with Vanity. I'm fucking done." I sneer before grabbing my things and slamming the door behind me as I leave.

But I wasn't done.

I scrub at another glass, hearing the front door being unlocked, and Nikki's steps coming inside before the door shuts and I hear him give out a heavy sigh.

I don't acknowledge him when he steps into the kitchen to grab a paper bag from the fridge, turning on his heel before heading back to the door.

He gets outside and I hear the sound of his bike firing back up.

"Damn it, Viv." I breathe out to myself, feeling guilty for what all I said to him, and a small part of me hopes he feels guilty, too.

I finish the dishes and immediately call Robbin, praying he hasn't gone out to meet Nikki, yet.

I'm ready to hang up by the third ring, until I hear:

"Hello?"

"Robbin, hey, it's Viv." I tell him.

"Hey, babe, what're you up to?"

"Are you and Nikki hanging out tonight?" I ask him and he hesitates.

"We are..."

"Where at?"

"Jeez, I don't know, Viv. Probably start at the Cathouse, end up at a strip joint or something."

"He's pissed at me, Robbin."

"Yeah, he called me from the studio when you left."

"I told him not to come home tonight."

"...And he's not." He replies.

"No, he's not, but I want him to."

"Then tell him."

"He's not gonna listen to me." I argue.

"Then don't piss him off."

"Well, tell him not to piss me off."

"Then, you tell him."

"I've tried, he doesn't listen to me."

The line is silent for a second and I blink.

"Hello?"

"This is why I'm not married. Jesus Christ."

"Robbin, you're engaged, remember?" I remind him.

"No, no, this is why I'm not married to you. Laurie's not cra--" He stops himself abruptly and I raise my brows.

"What was that?"

"Uh, oh, wow I-I think I'm breaking up on you, Viv."

I can tell he's rustling his hand over the phone, giving the effect of static.

"Robbi--"

"--I'll talk to him, love you, bye, Viv."

He hangs up and I exhale.

Karen comes into the kitchen, wearing a cocktail dress and heels, her hair and makeup done.

"I'm going on a date." She tells me. "If I'm not back by 2:00am, call the cops. I've been murdered." She sternly says.

"Got it." I nod.

"We're going out on the strip." She adds. "Which is all bars, clubs and strippers, so pray for me."

"If you see Vince, don't let him talk to you. You'll be in the back of his limo before you even realize what hit you."

"Trust me, I know, I have mace specifically for 'Vince Repellent'." She assures me, touching up her lipstick. "Alright, I'll see you later."

"Okay, have fun." I offer to her.

Once she's gone, I'm arguing with myself internally as I glance at the clock, trying to decide if I should try to reconcile with Nikki or not.

He'll be junked out and still mean, it won't do any good.

The shitty part is that I've noticed he's started to take maintenance doses through out the day, especially before we go out somewhere.

It's been easy to decipher if he's sober or not by just suggesting we go somewhere as simple as the grocery store.

When he's sober, he can't spend more than two minutes in a room full of people--five minutes, max, if I make him stay longer than what he wants to.

But when he's got smack going through him, he acts like his normal, social self.

I asked Izzy about it a couple weeks ago and he said Nikki's probably reached the point where if he doesn't have even the smallest amount of heroin in his system ever so often, withdraw symptoms and the pain of the impact the drugs have on his body, will start up.

And as for the social aspect, he said he more than likely doesn't know how to function without heroin as his anxiety buffer anymore.

That's ever more sad because Nikki use to be perfectly fine socializing without anything in his system. But now he can't even go to the Rainbow to eat with the guys, or go on a date with me, without shooting up to calm himself down and if he over does it on his dose, he's either too out of it to be social anyway, or he's a fucking prick.

Which only means one thing in my mind: Nikki's the farthest into it he can get. The next step, if he doesn't stop it, is funeral planning.

I step to our bedroom, deciding I'll just leave him alone tonight.

He and Tommy leave in a couple days, with the guys mastering and mixing their album, to New York to finish off the process there.

Maybe he'll have an epiphany while he's gone for a handful of days and come back and apologize for being a dick to me the past few days...more like "past few years."

Oh, yeah. I better have many jewels on my crown when I get to heaven for not leaving the crazy bastard by now.

How can I leave him? He needs good, solid people around him that won't sugar coat shit to save his ego and his feelings.

He needs me, and lots of God, but I've never been one to force my beliefs onto him, and I'm not going to start now.

Lately he's let off that he despises God more now than he did when we dated.

Again, I personally think there are actual demons fucking with his head, using his addiction to sneak in and start lashing out through him.

Our house even feels like it's riddled with something evil.

Dark energy, demons, bad vibes, whatever you choose to call it, it hits you like a wave when you step foot in the house.

Something sick and demented has built its nest and with Nikki's incline in his use, whatever it is has made its point clear: it's not leaving until Nikki's dead.

On my way to the bathroom, I notice his journal on his nightstand. He usually keeps them hidden from me, but I know he's written in one since before we dated because I've seen him write in one, but I've rarely just seen one laying around.

He usually keeps them put up.

A lightbulb goes off in my mind as I stare at the book that contains a multitude of sins and secrets in his handwriting.

"No. That's wrong. It's an invasion of his trust and privacy." I little voice in my mind tells me.

"He doesn't talk to you about private things as much as you think he does. Don't you wanna know what he really does when you aren't around...or how he really feels about you?" An arguing voice counters.

"He hasn't given you any reason to not trust him."

"Ha! That you know of. Read the diary and you'll probably have a multitude of reasons not to trust him."

"He loves you. He cares about you. He wants you. If he didn't, he wouldn't take your shit, and if you didn't feel the same for him, you wouldn't take his. Why do you need to dig through his confidential, personal, thoughts and feelings?"

"You two are married. If your husband has confidential anything he's keeping from you, that's a red flag."

"Give him the basic respect, Vivian. Don't read it."

"Fuck respect. He called you a 'psycho cunt' earlier. You need to get to the bottom of why he calls you awful things when he's on junk. Oh, yeah, because he thinks those awful things about you when he's sober, he just doesn't give a voice to them until he can't control himself."

"He loves you. He doesn't think those things about you. He just says them to get a reaction out of you."

"I bet he's about to spring a divorce on you."

I squeeze my eyes closed.

"Shut up!" I yell, silencing the voices, taking a heavy breath.

Deciding not to read it, I just pick the diary up and open his night table drawer, placing it soundly inside before closing it shut.

What I would have ended up reading, had I decided to let my curiosity kill me:

March 23, 1987

Van Nuys

4:47am

Fuck. Early last night Vanity called the house looking for me. I forgot Viv was at home and when I let the machine take the call, Vanity was fucked up and was spewing out everything she wanted to do to me the next time she saw me. I've never moved that fast in my fucking life to answer a phone. Viv would've had a stroke if she heard Vanity describe the kind of blowjob I'd be getting from her, but thank god Viv was by the pool.

She's starting to wonder when exactly I'm leaving my wife. I just keep telling her after the tour is over. I don't even know when I told her I was leaving Viv but she claims I promised her I was going to so now I'm even further in the shithole.

I keep waiting for Vanity to drop the bomb about mine and her's antics to Vivian. Anytime we're all hanging out, I'm bracing for impact, along with Vince and Tommy, and Vanity knows it. She uses it to her fucking advantage.

I'll say I can't spend time with her because I want to stay home or want to have a night with Viv, and Vanity will say something like, "I wonder if you'd have a home to stay in if she knew the truth" or "oh, I forgot about Viv. Should I tell her you forget about her sometimes, too?"

I want to break things off because I know it'll destroy Viv if she finds out, and I really have no business having a full-blown affair, or even seeing anyone else, but I'm nervous that Vanity will spitefully let Viv know what's been going on.

I'm fucking tired. Tired of living, tired of wanting to die, tired of junk, tired of sobriety, tired of my mistress (if you would even call her that...in my mind she's just a chick that gets the job done when I'm out of my mind and my wife isn't around).

I swear I'm two different people.

Sikki fucks Vanity, abuses Vivian and acts like a rottweiler with rabies towards other people when he's not in the mood.

I don't know who or what the fuck I am anymore. And I don't care, either.

P.S. - I've realized the reason so many of the greats OD when they're in their prime is because all the fucking girls driving them absolutely fucking crazy. It's hard to stay sober when you're fucking two of the hardest ballbusters in L.A. and their crazy infects you and starts to fester.

P.P.S. - Would it be bad if I admit I wouldn't mind "accidentally" shooting Duff in the leg? Call it junkie's intuition: I have a feeling, and I don't want it anywhere near my wife

#nikki sixx #mötley crüe #nikki sixx x oc #nikki sixx fanfiction #gateway drug

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searchforthescars · 4 years ago

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amanda, do you have any advice for someone who's just moved out for college? i moved out 2 weeks ago (i was supposed to move in the fall when school started but covid) & idk i feel so?? lonely? or sad, i guess? i'm a freshman & i was super excited leading up to it, but i got here & i'm in an apartment with 5 strangers & i'm overwhelmed with how many adulting things i need to do, like groceries & laundry & cooking. i always thought i was pretty independent at home & i've also been away for 1/?

summer programs or events for a week, 2 months, etc. so it's not like i've never been away from home before & don't know how to cook or do laundry or stuff like that. idk. i don't get why i feel like this & so overwhelmed (also, i think now i get why most freshman move into the dorms instead of going straight to an apartment haha). my roommates seem nice too, i just don't know them that well yet. i feel kind of silly & pathetic & baby-ish about this since i know i'm so lucky to be able 2/?

to move out, but mostly i just miss home & wanna go back to my parents & siblings & cats, especially since i don't have any friends here yet & can't meet any cause of covid. i'm 18 but i feel so much younger & it's kind of hard to believe that i'm 18?? like ahhhh i'm an adult??? when did that happen?? anyway, i'm sure it'll get better (or at least i'm telling myself it will), but idk what to do in the meantime. any advice?

Hey, kiddo!!

First of all, congrats on moving out -- I’m really proud of you for taking the next right step toward your future. You’re doing great <3

Second, don’t you dare think this is something you’re alone in experiencing; although it can feel incredibly isolating and terrifying, I promise that everyone has felt this way the first time they moved out of their parent’s/guardian’s home. I sure as hell did, and I was 20 with a college degree!!! There’s no shame in it, and I’m proud of you for being able to verbalize your struggles and reach out for help.

These are a few things that helped me when I was living on my own for the first time -- if I had known all this going in, rather than learning as I went, I would’ve had a much better time of it, so I hope these help <3 But if you have any questions or thoughts, my DMs are seriously always open to you, on- or off-anon. You deserve help and support and I’m honored to be trusted <3

Get yourself on a routine. Tbh, half of the reason why things feel daunting (at least in my experience) is that they feel nebulous. To combat that vis a vis household tasks like cooking, cleaning and laundry, I’d recommend setting up a weekly or monthly schedule. Look at your class schedule and any other commitments and figure out which weekday is best for you to do laundry, which nights you could meal-prep for the days ahead, and which weeks you’ll be cleaning your areas of the apartment. Jotting those down or putting some notifications in your phone calendar will help you a) remember to do those things and b) rest in the knowledge that you’ve given yourself some structure. If you feel you’ll struggle with actually doing those things, ask a roommate to be your accountability partner! They live with you, so they likely have a vested interest in you doing those things, and will certainly be happy to help out!

Give yourself something to look forward to. Missing your family is so hard, so plan when your next trip home will be. Plan a movie night or another activity with your roommates (in my opinion, PowerPoint Night is an absolute winner -- y’all can take turns presenting about literally any topic you want and it’s a great way to get to know people and what they’re passionate about (or passionately against).)

Get a tiiiiny bit social. It’s really hard with COVID, and I know it’s also anxiety-inducing to be The New Kid, but even something as simple as attending a Zoom event hosted by a campus organization can give you a little bit of social engagement -- if nothing else, you’re hearing voices outside of your own and your roommates’! There are also a lot of Discord servers out there for video game friends, students, fandom folks, pretty much anything; the platform offers a streaming function, which many people take advantage of and can be a great way to engage with other people around something you both love. Having that little bit of enrichment is really helpful and goes a long way in making you feel less isolated.

Do something with your hands. Find a tactile sort of hobby - drawing, painting, bullet journaling, digital art, collaging, etc. - and do it regularly. I bullet journal, make stickers, and collage the New York Times Sunday paper once a week. Doing something with your hands regularly is a good way to get your creative juices going and help the time go by, and it often is therapeutic as well.

Exercise regularly. I can’t tell you how helpful it is to get moving. It seriously is good for your mind and body, and you’ll feel motivated to do other things once you work out. I didn’t exercise for the first three months I lived alone and lemme tell you, when I started again, there was a marked difference in my mental health. Go for regular walks around the neighborhood, or if there’s space in your apartment to do some simple bodyweight workouts, the Nike Training app has great free guided workouts under 20 minutes. There are also workout videos free on YouTube, everything from strength training to cardio set to popular Tik Tok songs. I like to exercise about 30-45 minutes a day but YMMV

Treat yourself. I ran myself hard and ragged when I lived alone because I didn’t have anyone to encourage me to do otherwise. Even though you have roommates, it can still be easy to feel like you’re just ships passing in the night and that the accountability they provide extends to chores or other space-sharing ventures. So hold yourself accountable for doing one kind thing for yourself every day. Eat a piece of chocolate. Splurge on a coffee once a month. Buy a book you want to read. Do little things to treat yourself because you can, judgement-free! You’re your own boss now!

I hope these help a little bit!!! It can be really overwhelming and scary to be where you are but I promise, you are farther along than you think you are, simply because you can recognize and articulate these feelings and are reaching out for help. I’m proud of you and sending you all my love -- if you need anything, you got it. I’m here for you <3

#Anonymous

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punkscowardschampions · 5 years ago

Text

Ava & Buster

Ava: Are you lot en-route? Buster: 'Course Buster: But we've had one foot out the door for like half an hour, honestly Ava: Good, 'cos I have presents Buster: Yeah? Buster: Pot of gold or what, like Ava: Hardly appropriate for a two-year-old Ava: None for you, soz 💔 Buster: I'd argue it's very appropriate Buster: All the shit he needs haemorrhages cash Ava: You were warned Ava: Extensively Buster: And I ain't sorry I didn't listen Buster: They can all try and sue me Ava: Enter an arena where they aren't the experts? Ava: Doesn't sound like mum and dad Buster: No such arena exists, clearly Buster: Know it all, have done it all Ava: Your degree must be a waste of time then Buster: You'd have to ask 'em what they reckon Buster: But I'd wait til they've got a few more drinks down 'em first, get closer to the truth Ava: Ugh, shut up Ava: You know they're proud of you Buster: Yeah yeah, blah blah Buster: But are you proud of me? Real MVP and everything Ava: When you get your cap and gown Ava: Funny wig, even better Ava: I still only got stuff for the kids and Ri though Ava: I'll chase a 🌈 down ASAP Buster: You're alright Buster: Already got a girlfriend, don't you? Buster: No need to get gayer just to wind me up, Nance has got that covered Ava: Ha, don't even chat to me about annoying Buster: I won't Ava: 😏 Ava: No, you're meant to ask, idiot Ava: You're so lucky you only have a son Buster: Tell me then Buster: I want a girl next Ava: Well she's not coming back, not that I'm surprised Buster: What bullshit excuse did she go with this time? She's got too much work on, girlfriend drama or she just hates fam functions SO MUCH Ava: It was column A presented but 1000% came across as column C Ava: She can be so Buster: I know Buster: Did she try and buy you off with an NYC trip that ain't gonna happen just like the last one didn't? Ava: Twin telepathy is real, yeah? Ava: 🙄 Buster: Fuck that and her Buster: I told you before, when you actually wanna go I'll take you Buster: Then you only have to see her a bearable amount Ava: I know Ava: It'd be interesting to see how long she could hold a conversation with me but yeah Ava: won't happen so Buster: Longer than she can with me or dad, probably slightly less time than she can with mum, depending what mood they are both in Buster: That'd be my bet Buster: Chin up, the good twin is finally on his fucking way Ava: Sounds about right Ava: Good time to tell you to call her yourself later or do you want a drink before you process that? Buster: Bad time to be forced to remember that I told Rio right at the start I wouldn't drink when she couldn't Ava: Honestly, I thought this kid was PLANNED Ava: She couldn't Christmas or New Year either Buster: She was planned, just not by me Ava: 'Course, you would've factored in drinking Ava: Must be their gay agenda Buster: There's loads of shit I'd have factored in Ava: That's your upbringing talking Buster: Shut up Ava: It is though Ava: Personally, I agree its better than the more the merrier approach too Buster: You'll personally be waiting a load more years before you make me play uncle then, yeah? Buster: Good Ava: Ugh Ava: Don't be making me 🤢 just because green is the colour today Buster: Gotta Buster: Who the fuck is there to be jealous of when we're us? Ava: You couldn't go the more traditional routes, no? 🍾🥂 Ava: Seeing as I'm NOT pregnant or being a very supportive partner to someone who is Buster: Come on, who am I? Buster: And you can leave me out of your rites of passage, I've cleaned up enough sick in the name of being a supportive partner Buster: Grace'll hold your hair back for you Ava: There's no need to be old AND boring 😏 Buster: Fuck off Buster: Counting down the days til I can drink you under the table Ava: Dad lets me Buster: There's nothing dad won't let you do Buster: Got him well wrapped around your finger, like Ava: It's not my fault I'm the most lovable Ava: Do better 😋 Buster: That's the one title you can keep Buster: Got all the love I need, cheers Ava: 🤢🥰 Ava: N'awh Buster: Lyla didn't wanna come and hang with the extended fam then? Ava: Wouldn't do that to someone I liked, would I? Buster: Depends how much you like her Ava: Nah Ava: That's all a bit heavy Buster: Well yeah Buster: It would be a trial by fire Ava: Then pissed on Ava: then set on fire again Ava: I like having time away when I come here, you know Ava: Not attached at the hip Buster: I know Ava: I'll send her a hilarious postcard or something Buster: You sounded like Nance there Buster: No need to miss her at all Ava: Fuck off Buster: You're right she'd never write it Buster: Half her holiday would be over before she got the words down Ava: 😂 Ava: Rude Buster: It's fuck all I wouldn't say to her face if she ever bothered to show it Ava: Can no one in this family be nice Ava: Honestly Buster: Come on Buster: I'm nice to you Buster: You ain't even bought me a present Ava: I know, I'm very lovable Ava: Have you got me one? Buster: Yeah but you ain't having it now Ava: Yeah right Ava: I know who gets last word in your house Ava: and Rio is nice to everyone Buster: She's nicest to me and she always does what I say Buster: So you might wanna think again Ava: That's entirely too much information, thank you Ava: you owe me double as compensation Buster: You ain't having two bottles Buster: Keep the first one down and then we'll talk Ava: Challenge accepted Buster: Good Buster: Don't really wanna have to disown you before the day's out Ava: Least there's enough of 'em to fall back on should you get the urge Ava: I'll survive Buster: Keep that quiet around mum, it's still them and us with her Ava: Sounds familiar 🙄 Buster: You're bound to hear it yet again by the time she's had a few Ava: Not if I have anything to do with it Buster: Sounds like you've got a plan Ava: As planned as a party should ever be Buster: Yeah Ava: 💃🎉 Ava: Hurry up Buster: Traffic's worse than London at its finest right now Buster: Everyone on the road's either already wasted or angry they ain't Ava: Stay safe Buster: 'Course Buster: Speaking of, where you staying tonight? Ava: Tipsy childcare is better than no childcare Ava: No need to beg Buster: Shut up, I'll drive you is all I'm saying Ava: Cheers 💙 Buster: I'll cash the IOU when you're sober, like Ava: Better cash it before I cash my 2nd present then Buster: Forget it for now, it's a holiday Ava: That's what I've been saying Buster: You ain't gotta tell me, even if today I can't play as hard as I work Buster: Still not a fucking amateur Ava: Still a McKenna Buster: First and best Ava: Hardly Buster: If we're going by mum's them and us viewpoint, there's hardly any competition Buster: Just you and me, kid Ava: Well I'm just saying, Granddad is gonna be fuming Buster: Everything you learned about wrapping dad round your little finger you got from watching me with him Buster: I ain't worried Ava: Pfft Ava: My baby blues are bluer and my pout is poutier Ava: I'm the new model, boy Buster: 'Cause you need 'em to fall back on Buster: I'm just that good Buster: you're the youngest model that's all Buster: Due a spectacular fuck up about now Ava: You wish Ava: On all counts Buster: Nah, I'm rooting for you Buster: 'Course I am Ava: Mhmm Ava: Dead convincing 😏 Buster: I always am Buster: Wig or no wig Ava: So soppy, you Ava: Have title of my best big brother Buster: That's a copout but whatever Ava: And fussy Ava: Alright best sibling but that isn't much more of an achievement really Buster: Don't worry about it Buster: I know how great I am Ava: Yeah yeah, blah blah Buster: Get me the least shit sounding soft drink and I'll believe you Ava: If there's anything being tragically underage has taught me Ava: 👍 Buster: Cheers Buster: See you in 5 Ava: Bring your cute kid Buster: I taught him how to say “Sláinte” earlier so you'll be able to rate my achievements for yourself Buster: He ain't just a pretty face Ava: 🥺🥰 Ava: What a face though Buster: I can't take all the credit Buster: He takes after his mother Buster: Tell her how good she looks when we get in, yeah? I'm living a nightmare Ava: 'Course Ava: I've got a girlfriend, remember Ava: I know the drill, just amp up period level love 1000% for a pregnant bitch Buster: My wife ain't a insecure teenager Buster: But I appreciate the sentiment Buster: Just don't call her a bitch ever again Ava: I say it with love Ava: from one to another Ava: but got it, I'll remind her she's old Buster: Don't Buster: It'll be your funeral Ava: 😂 I only like winding you u Ava: p Ava: Don't need anyone crying on me Buster: Good Buster: I don't need to be breaking up any girl fights Buster: Especially when I've taught you both everything I know Ava: Even if me hitting a girl is more acceptable than you, I think everyone draws the line at a pregnant one Buster: Fine, I don't wanna pick you up off the floor once she's knocked you out and do a concussion test after someone pours a pint over you to bring you round Buster: I was trying to soften the blow of how it'll play out since I'd be powerless to stop the actual Ava: And I thought you were in the festive spirit Ava: 🙄 Ava: I'll take back this virgin cocktail, like 😏 Buster: Not without any spirits in me Buster: You'll have to take what you can get Ava: Few folk songs and you'll be well into it Buster: Voice of an angel, obviously Buster: Could've been a choir boy if not for everything else Ava: You took living vicariously a wee bit hard with the name already Buster: You'd have preferred me to name him after a silent film star, yeah? Ava: That was pure wishful thinking 🙊🤐🤫 Buster: Fucked over as my boy's been by not being named Rudolph Valentino or Roscoe Arbuckle, I reckon he'll be alright Buster: Cheers though Ava: I think Fatty murdered someone Ava: so as far as aspirations go, you're in the right direction Buster: I always am Buster: Never a misstep made, no matter what mum and dad say Ava: Alright 👼 its St Paddy's not confessional Ava: and the priest would be rare pissed off if you waltzed in and said you'd never done anything wrong 😂 Buster: He'd be a fine one to talk Ava: The drama of it all Buster: Again, I don't need to be told Buster: There's a kid here asking for you, except shouting's more the word Ava: He gets it 👏 Ava: 💃 Buster: Come out before he legs it in

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