#Antonio (Manifestation of Mind)

[cosmitasia]

sketched some basic introductory headshots of the m.o.m. cast

mostly the youngins so far there's still another half of the cast I gotta design more concretely

bonus little sketches of some others

[salmonilluh]

Antonio before.... asking for a fun night ^_^:

[hanakihan]

Hey hey. I'm new to your blog, what's the context with Ruler Salieri? I didn't think he'd be a viable Servant for that class, but it looks like you have a super well defined concept!

(Also that "I, Antonio Salieri, have a piano" joke made me cackle)

wheeze welcome to my abode of brainrot and dumb thoughts and be ready for a long explanation because I never do things in half do I

ruler salieri as a concept appeared literally out of random thought of ‘if he’s an avenger why not to flip it around just for fun’. truth be told fgo classification rarely makes sense to the point they literally stretch it to make it fit. like seriously, ruler class long ago lost its needed qualification of a saint status seeing some servants ending here for some reason, so in my head needed qualification to apply for ruler class is to be someone who genuinely has no interest in holy grail or never was involved with non mundane things of the world (aka achieved impact on history by simply being your average joe without any involvement from magic and shit, hence why being non biased)

from my personal explanation concept of ruler salieri stems from his biography in general and his sparse fgo lore outside of avenger manifestation. it was stated that unlike Mozart, salieri literally was an ordinary man uninvolved with anything outside of normal scale of existence, he literally just lived and died. plus he was widely known as a really nice but ordinarily plain person, teaching people without charging money if they couldn’t afford so, had many later famous students, pretty much oversaw entirety of Europe’s musical society as a long standing kapellmeister and saw changing of two ruling figures in his life (and even managed to retain his position and gain trust of new one despite being this close to be rid of). he also organized charity concerts and donated most of his money and stuff to organizations to support people, his funeral attracted almost all European musicians to attend and mourn. in his biography he barely has any stains, and all his actions in life make him closest to ‘saint’ status without actually having said alignment.

here however, ruler salieri manifests as a ruler class servant with strong avenger subclass which makes him pretty much double class servant. in his ‘standard’ avenger manifestation is bound to eventually collapse purely by fact it’s non stable at all. Salieri himself (as a caster most likely, but we’ll never know) doesn’t have enough in him to even manifest, and gray man, pretty much a rumor and slander born from whole Mozart murder thing, can exists only as a result of ‘killing Mozart’ and since he can’t achieve it objectively (or even if he does, plus the fact salieri was officially trialed and found not guilty in mozart’s death) his point of existence well, stop exist and eventually he’ll also collapse because salieri’s spirit origin is weak to begin with. both salieri as a phantom not enough to qualify as a servant and a gray man destined to disappear anyway find mutual understanding and balance, which pretty much creates new stable spirit origin for Salieri where it’s him being how he was in life, which makes him ultimately good person, closer to a saint (ruler aspect) and the fame of a mozart murderer he can never escape even if people’s opinion will change and he no longer officially hold responsible for it, this will forever stay in humanity’s mind hence why he gets avenger subclass, but this time he accepts this part of himself which allows how harmonious existence of both origins mixed as a one functional whole.

I know it’s a mess because I’m literally in middle of a lunch at work if you’re interested I can provide more cohesive ruler salieri concept explanation HEBDJDNDJNDJD

[lucerosalin]

The neural connections within the brain give rise to the feeling of self, which we experience as consciousness. Humanity is not merely a "lump of meat" but rather possesses a self that feels, suffers, and finds joy. A central question is why humans suffer. In modern society, suffering has become a prominent issue. Suffering seems to be an inherent part of survival, as it prompts us to think, to act, and to strive for relief. Although unpleasant, it appears to serve a purpose.

A person can indeed "die of a broken heart," a notion that now seems more than just myth or folklore. The body and mind are interconnected, meaning that mental struggles can manifest physically, and physical problems can impact the mind. To achieve internal balance, one must seek tranquility in both body and mind, a harmony that often feels elusive.

Ultimately, humans are composed of a physical body, with the brain—a complex organ formed over millions of years of evolution—generating the feeling of self. The brain, akin to a supercomputer, holds mysteries we are still uncovering.

To alleviate suffering and find solutions to our problems, I recommend writing down your thoughts, examining them critically, and working towards rational solutions. Thoughts arise because we have brains.

1994_Descartes’ Error: Emotion, Reason, and the Human Brain by Antonio Damasio

Thoughts on book

[phantomoftheorpheum]

Anyway, don't mind me, I'm just going to go watch youtube videos of Antonio singing and continue to manifest a PLL season 3 "everyone goes to karaoke" scene to decompress from the season 2 ending.

[eyeoftheheart]

Thought + Feeling (Love) is the secret of manifestation.

“In order to attain a thing it is necessary that the mind should fall in love with it, and be conscious of its existence, almost to the exclusion of everything else.”

― William Walker Atkinson, Thought Vibration: or the Law of Attraction in the Thought World

[Paris, Musée Du Louvre Cupid and Psyche, 1788, by Antonio Canova (1757-1822), marble sculpture.]

[raymurata]

Lots of questions so feel free to skip some <3

For Kelp, my beloved fishboy: 8, 10, 16, 18, 20, 22, 27, 30, 39, 41, G, H

8. What were they told to stop/start doing most often as a child?

His chores! Stop playing with the octopi, go feed the plankton. The sort of thing you'd expect from his upbringing .

10. What lie do they most frequently remember telling? Does it haunt them?

Plenty of lies here and there depending on what a situation needs, but no frequent or haunting one.

16. What makes their stomach turn?

Predatory exploration of people and nature; what else?

18. What embarrasses them?

There's at least one thing you know of, and one you don't, but in general not an awful lot.

20. If they were asked to explain the difference between romantic and platonic or familial love, how would they do so?

He wouldn't. He doesn't think can list aspects of these three 'forms of love' that don't overlap, or that are always true, unless you make it very sardonic and political: "romantic is what you feel for what your society largely considers a romantic partner, or for someone you wish were your partner. Platonic is what you feel for what your society largely considers a friend, and familial for what your society considers family." Which informs you nothing abt what those feelings are actually like internally -- only that they're defined by external circumstances and conventions, which are also dependent on culture. But he thinks that the feelings themselves are invariably unique to each person and relationship, and they're not that easily explained in categories.

22. How does jealousy manifest itself in them (they become possessive, they become aloof, etc)?

Wouldn't you like to know as well! 👀

27. What causes them to feel dread?

After fifteen years in a cage? So much.

30. Who do they most regret meeting?

Jorgesson Farrady, archcunt.

39. How easy is it for them to ignore flaws in other people?

He's usually trying to perceive people's flaws, not ignore them.

41. How do they feel about children?

They're precious and wonderful. And they ought to be the shared responsibility of a community.

G) What trait of theirs bothers you the most?

Scowl and introversion, just bc I struggle to keep those when rping on camera. The one-track mind and his absolute inability to exist without a cause. There's more but I'll keep to myself bc it's internal stuff hehehe

H) What trait do you admire most?

His determination and commitment to his people's cause, obviously. And his ability to connect with others. I mean, I based his past actions on Zapata and Antonio Conselheiro, so there's a lot to admire there.

[tgrailwar-zero]

Servant Matrix: ANTONIO SALIERI

Class: Avenger

True Name: ANTONIO SALIERI/"THE MAN IN GREY"

Gender: Male

Alignment: Chaotic Evil

Height/Weight: 181 cm / 65 kg

Source: Historical Fact

Region: Europe

ENDURANCE GAUGE: [ /X/X/X/X]

MANA CHARGES: [ X / X / X / X ]

COMMAND SPELLS: [ X / X / ]

The Avenger of the Azure Faction of the Solar Cell Holy Grail War.

Going by the title of the 'Grey Messenger', the mysterious figure that visited Mozart before he died, the stench of vengeance and decomposition cling tightly to the soul of this Heroic Spirit, with misfortune befalling whoever stands against him. As the (supposed) final Servant of the Blue Faction, he wishes to wage war against the emboldened Red Faction. A war that will almost certainly lead to his demise.

As due to his madness and twisted sensibilities as an Avenger and an emissary of death, he sees no issue with the cold-hearted actions and reasoning that continue to stoke his ever-vengeful flames, for even if his body is destroyed- death is forever inevitable.

He reveals his 'True Name' as Antonio Salieri, Mozart's close friend and fellow composer. However, when the wunderkind Mozart died, rumors that Salieri had slaughtered the genius out of jealosy began to spread, tainting his reputation and name for centuries to come. In truth, Salieri was an innocent man with great musical talent who took many students during his lifetime, and created his own great compositions.

But now, he is an Innocent Monster. An entity that both is 'Salieri', and also can never be 'Salieri'. A man of lies and wildfire, forever set to suffer in his own self-denial and contradiction. The only constant is that now, he is Death.

Strength: B

Endurance: C

Agility: A

Mana: C

Luck: B

NP: C

SKILLS:

Avenger (C) - A skill that collects hate and turns it into power. Avenger will receive more hostility from others, but in turn gain energy.

Oblivion Correction (B) - An Avenger never forgets. As long as the name of his hatred remains, he will forever burn. He will never forget the man he is supposed to kill, Gottlieb Mozart.

Self-Replenishment (Mana) (C) - A Servant possessing this skill will endlessly regain a small amount of mana over time until their 'revenge' is fulfilled.

Innocent Monster (EX) - An entity made of the rumors that 'Salieri killed Mozart', despite Antonio Salieri being an innocent man. Due to this, Salieri can only be summoned as an 'Innocent Monster'. This skill is subtly fused with the 'Self-Denial' skill.

Lamenting Exterior (A) - A blood-red Mystic Code that surrounds the Man in Grey. The manifestation of the reaper-like figure that visited Mozart and prompted the composition of the Requiem. A Mystic Code with an aptitude for slaughter, allowing the Grey Messenger to tear through anyone in his path.

Wildfire (B) - Rumors that spread so violently that they were more akin to a curse. The Avenger Salieri can turn the malice, defamation, and all manner of vile, disgusting rumors surrounding an individual into his own strength. In addition to weakening the mind of the target, it also functions as an intense mental attack that can instantly kill those without power magical defenses.

NOBLE PHANTASM: Dio Santissimo Misericordia de Mi

'Dio Santissimo, Abbi Misericordia Di Me'... Our Lord in Heaven, Take Pity on Me...

A dangerous, Anti-Army Noble Phantasm. All of his violent, magical energy is coagulated into a killing intent that is impossible to restrain or even hope to control, and unleashed through a grandiose song of destruction that rends both mind and body apart. An impossible sound, rivaling the magical music created by the great Mozart, though Avenger will never be able to truly acknowledge that fact.

It activates without regard for friend or foe, causing havoc on all those that hear it, even breaking away at Salieri's own 'self'.

...A Noble Phantasm that can only be reached by the Innocent Monster of rumored wildfire that is Avenger.

[newpostad]

Understanding Your Options for Anxiety Treatment San Antonio

Living with anxiety can feel overwhelming, especially when it starts interfering with daily life. If you're exploring anxiety treatment San Antonio, you're taking a critical step toward regaining control over your mental health. Whether your symptoms are mild or severe, recognizing them and seeking the right care can make a significant difference.

In San Antonio, a variety of treatment options are available, ranging from therapy to medication and lifestyle changes. The key lies in finding a personalized approach that addresses your unique needs and health goals.

What Is Anxiety?

Anxiety is a natural stress response, but when it becomes persistent or excessive, it can disrupt your ability to function. It manifests in several forms:

Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD)

Panic Disorder

Social Anxiety Disorder

Phobias

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

Understanding which type of anxiety you're dealing with helps inform the best approach to treatment.

Common Symptoms of Anxiety

The symptoms of anxiety can vary but often include:

Excessive worry or fear

Fatigue

Irritability

Trouble sleeping

Difficulty concentrating

Racing thoughts

Physical symptoms like headaches, muscle tension, or stomach issues

When these symptoms become persistent, it’s time to consider anxiety treatment San Antonio options.

Types of Anxiety Treatment Available in San Antonio

1. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)

CBT is one of the most effective and widely used treatments for anxiety. It helps patients reframe negative thinking patterns and develop healthier coping mechanisms.

2. Exposure Therapy

Particularly helpful for phobias and PTSD, exposure therapy gradually introduces individuals to anxiety-provoking stimuli to lessen their reactions over time.

3. Medication Management

Doctors may prescribe medications such as SSRIs (Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors), SNRIs, or benzodiazepines depending on the severity and type of anxiety disorder.

4. Mindfulness-Based Therapies

Approaches like Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) or Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) teach mindfulness and acceptance strategies to reduce stress and anxiety.

5. Group Therapy and Support Groups

Talking to others with similar struggles helps normalize anxiety and offers social support that’s essential for healing.

Integrative and Holistic Approaches

Some individuals in San Antonio prefer holistic methods to supplement or replace traditional care. These may include:

Yoga and Meditation

Acupuncture

Herbal Supplements (with physician guidance)

Nutritional counseling

Biofeedback and neurofeedback

When to Seek Professional Help

You should seek help if:

Anxiety disrupts your personal or professional life

You experience frequent panic attacks

You avoid social situations or daily activities

You’re using alcohol or substances to cope

You feel hopeless or overwhelmed regularly

Early intervention with anxiety treatment San Antonio professionals can prevent your condition from worsening and guide you toward effective relief.

What to Expect at Your First Appointment

Walking into a provider’s office for the first time may feel daunting, but understanding what to expect can ease the process:

Comprehensive evaluation and history

Discussion of symptoms and how they affect your life

Development of a treatment plan tailored to your needs

Options for therapy, medication, or a combination

Goal-setting and scheduling follow-up sessions

Tips to Manage Anxiety at Home

While professional support is essential, daily self-care also plays a crucial role. Here are some strategies to help manage anxiety:

Practice deep breathing exercises

Maintain a consistent sleep schedule

Limit caffeine and alcohol

Stay physically active

Journal your thoughts and progress

Establish a regular routine

Connect with supportive friends or family

Choosing the Right Provider in San Antonio

When searching for a specialist in anxiety treatment San Antonio, look for:

Licensed therapists, psychologists, or psychiatrists

Experience treating your specific anxiety disorder

A treatment philosophy that aligns with your preferences

Good communication and patient reviews

Availability for appointments or telehealth if needed

Don’t hesitate to ask questions during your consultation to ensure you feel comfortable and understood.

Supporting a Loved One with Anxiety

If someone close to you is struggling, here’s how you can help:

Be patient and understanding

Encourage them to seek help

Avoid minimizing their feelings

Offer to attend appointments for support

Learn about their specific anxiety disorder

Help them with daily tasks during tough times

The Importance of Consistency in Treatment

Anxiety doesn’t disappear overnight. It requires consistent effort and follow-up care. Sticking with therapy, taking medications as prescribed, and practicing daily coping skills can significantly improve your quality of life over time.

FAQs About Anxiety Treatment San Antonio

Q: How do I know if I need anxiety treatment? If anxiety interferes with your job, relationships, or daily life, seeking help is a good next step.

Q: Are medications always required? Not necessarily. Many people benefit from therapy alone, while others may require a combination of therapy and medication.

Q: How long does treatment usually last? It varies per person. Some find relief in a few months, while others need longer-term support.

Q: Can I do therapy online? Yes. Many professionals in San Antonio offer teletherapy for added convenience and privacy.

Q: What if I don’t feel better right away? Improvement takes time. It’s important to communicate with your provider and adjust the treatment plan as needed.

[annoyed-galaxy]

the emperor and the hierophant for the rook asks please!

The Emperor: What does Rook's leadership style look like?

Antonio is kinda "fuck it, we ball" type of guy. He's real shit at planning ahead of time, but when push comes to shove, no one leads better than him. He's quite good at handling "oh shit" situations. There's a reason why his magic manifested as lightning since it's almost controlled chaos. He tries to make sure his team is doing okay, checking in on everyone and ensuring them they can do anything they put their minds to.

But, all of that comes at a cost. He doesn't think about the consequences until the choice has already been made. He puts others ahead of himself because he's so set on making sure everyone gets out alive that he disregards himself. He will throw himself into the line of fire if it means saving someone. And he takes a lot of those things really hard. He struggles a lot keeping emotions in check and juggling leading a team while being the strong face they need takes a toll on his mental health. With the Veil as fragile as it is during Veilguard, he struggles a lot with demons, having to constantly push them away so he doesn't get possessed. Only once his friends realize he's digging himself a big hole do they hurry to help him.

The Hierophant: Is Rook religious? How do they feel about the religious organizations that impact their life the most?

Antonio is very much not religious because the main religion is hostile against him on two fronts. Antonio is an elf and a mage. So, of course he kinda looks down on the Chantry. Growing up after being freed from slavery, he was scared that if his magic actually manifested, he would be taken by the Templar. Luckily, his magic manifested once he was part of the Crows and he proved a useful enough asset that they didn't turn him over. Antonio loves his magic and is fascinated by it, so the fact that the Chantry demonizes it makes him averse to it. He doesn't really care if the Maker is real or not. If He is, then He can judge him when the time comes.

Then, there's the fact he's an elf. He's had his fair share of racism and nothing makes him bristle more than being called "rabbit" or "knife-ear". It takes him a while to love his elven heritage, but eventually he becomes proud to be an elf and shame the Chantry for thinking he's lesser just because he has pointed ears. He learned about the elven gods in history books, but didn't start following them. He likes to look at religion from a historical perspective and see how it was used to take control of things. Hypothetical Makers or Evanuris don't really concern him as much. That is until the Evanuris do actually show and he learns the truth about their world. He doesn't immediately become faithful, but he does question a lot of things about the world afterwards.

[evolucion-counseling]

Understanding the Value of Individual Counseling in San Antonio

Life can be challenging at times, and many people face obstacles that affect their mental health and well-being. In a bustling city like San Antonio, the need for effective, supportive individual counseling services is more important than ever. But what exactly is individual counseling, and how can it make a difference in someone’s life?

What is Individual Counseling?

Individual counseling, also known as one-on-one therapy, is a process in which a trained mental health professional works with a client to help them understand and work through their personal challenges. This type of counseling is tailored to meet the unique needs of each person, whether they are dealing with anxiety, depression, grief, stress, or other concerns.

The sessions typically take place in a confidential setting, where individuals feel safe and comfortable to open up about their emotions, thoughts, and experiences. The counselor uses evidence-based techniques to empower the client to develop healthier coping mechanisms, improve communication skills, and enhance self-awareness.

The Benefits of Seeking Individual Counseling

Many people wonder if counseling is the right choice for them. While every situation is unique, there are several common benefits that come from engaging in individual counseling:

A Safe Space to Share: One of the greatest advantages of individual counseling is having a private and non-judgmental environment to discuss your feelings. Sometimes, simply talking about your struggles can be a big step toward healing.

Personalized Approach: Unlike group therapy, individual counseling focuses solely on your needs and goals. The counselor tailors their strategies to address what you’re going through, ensuring that the therapy is relevant and effective.

Better Coping Strategies: Life’s difficulties, whether they stem from personal trauma, family conflicts, or work-related stress, can feel overwhelming. Counseling can teach you practical skills to handle these challenges more effectively, fostering resilience.

Self-Discovery and Growth: Working with a counselor helps you gain insight into your behavior patterns, emotions, and thought processes. This self-discovery can pave the way for personal growth, allowing you to make meaningful changes in your life.

Stress and Anxiety Management: Anxiety and stress are common in today’s fast-paced world. Counseling provides a space to explore what triggers these feelings and learn strategies to manage them, such as relaxation techniques, mindfulness, and reframing negative thoughts.

Common Issues Addressed in Individual Counseling

People seek individual counseling for a variety of reasons. Here are some of the most common concerns that counseling can help with:

Anxiety and Panic Disorders: Constant worry, panic attacks, and feelings of dread can take a toll on your quality of life. A counselor can work with you to identify the root causes and develop effective coping techniques.

Depression: Feelings of sadness, hopelessness, and a lack of motivation are symptoms of depression that can be addressed through therapy. Counseling provides a supportive space to explore and manage these emotions.

Relationship Struggles: Even when it comes to issues that seem relational, such as communication problems with a partner or conflicts with family members, individual counseling can offer insight into how to improve those dynamics.

Grief and Loss: The loss of a loved one is a painful experience that many find difficult to process. A counselor can guide you through the grieving process, offering support and helping you find ways to honor your loss while moving forward.

Trauma and PTSD: Unresolved trauma can manifest in many ways, including flashbacks, emotional numbness, or intense fear. Individual counseling can help you process and heal from traumatic experiences.

Self-Esteem and Identity Issues: If you struggle with low self-esteem or uncertainty about who you are, counseling can support your journey of self-exploration and help you build a healthier self-image.

How to Choose the Right Counselor

Finding the right counselor in San Antonio is crucial to getting the most out of your sessions. Here are a few tips to help you select a therapist that fits your needs:

Look for Credentials and Experience: Make sure your counselor is licensed and has experience working with issues similar to yours. You may also want to consider whether they have any special training or certifications.

Consider the Counselor’s Approach: Different therapists use different methods. Some may focus on cognitive-behavioral techniques, while others might use a more holistic or humanistic approach. Research the types of therapy available and decide what feels right for you.

Trust Your Comfort Level: The relationship between you and your counselor is vital. If you don’t feel comfortable with a particular therapist, don’t hesitate to explore other options. It’s important to find someone you can trust and feel safe with.

Check Availability and Location: San Antonio is a large city, so consider logistics such as travel time and the counselor’s availability. Many therapists now offer virtual sessions, providing more flexibility.

Taking the First Step

The journey to mental wellness starts with taking that first step and acknowledging the need for support. Whether you are experiencing emotional pain, feeling stuck, or seeking self-improvement, individual counseling can be a transformative experience. Remember, prioritizing your mental health is a sign of strength, and seeking help is a step toward a healthier, more fulfilling life.

If you’re considering individual counseling in San Antonio, explore the options available and find a professional who resonates with you. Your well-being matters, and the support of a skilled counselor can make all the difference.

[epic-pain]

Navigating Pain Management in San Antonio A Comprehensive Guide

Living with chronic pain can be debilitating, affecting every aspect of one's life. Fortunately, in San Antonio, Texas, individuals have access to a plethora of resources and healthcare professionals dedicated to managing and alleviating pain. From innovative treatments to compassionate care, San Antonio offers a range of options for those seeking relief.

Understanding Chronic Pain:

Chronic pain is a complex condition that affects millions of Americans, often stemming from various sources such as injury, illness, or underlying medical conditions. It can manifest in different forms, including neuropathic pain, musculoskeletal pain, or visceral pain, presenting unique challenges for patients and healthcare providers alike.

Comprehensive Care Facilities:

San Antonio boasts numerous healthcare facilities specializing in pain management, ranging from large hospitals to specialized clinics. Institutions like the University of Texas Health Science Center at San Antonio and the Methodist Hospital offer state-of-the-art treatments, multidisciplinary approaches, and clinical trials for patients with chronic pain.

Multidisciplinary Approach:

One of the hallmarks of effective pain management in San Antonio is the emphasis on a multidisciplinary approach. Healthcare teams often include pain specialists, physiatrists, neurologists, psychologists, physical therapists, and other professionals who collaborate to develop personalized treatment plans tailored to each patient's needs.

Innovative Treatments:

San Antonio's pain management landscape is characterized by its commitment to innovation. Patients have access to cutting-edge treatments such as spinal cord stimulation, nerve blocks, regenerative medicine, and minimally invasive procedures that target the source of pain while minimizing side effects and downtime.

Alternative Therapies:

In addition to conventional medical interventions, San Antonio offers a variety of alternative therapies to complement pain management efforts. These may include acupuncture, chiropractic care, massage therapy, yoga, mindfulness meditation, and biofeedback, which can help reduce pain levels and improve overall well-being.

Community Support:

Living with chronic pain can be isolating, but in San Antonio, patients find solace in community support groups and resources. Organizations like the San Antonio Pain Society and local chapters of national advocacy groups provide education, advocacy, and a sense of belonging for individuals navigating the challenges of chronic pain.

Insurance Coverage and Affordability:

Access to comprehensive pain management services in San Antonio is often facilitated by insurance coverage, including Medicare, Medicaid, and private insurance plans. Additionally, many healthcare providers offer financial assistance programs and payment options to ensure that cost is not a barrier to accessing necessary care.

Patient Education and Empowerment:

Empowering patients with knowledge about their condition and available treatment options is paramount in pain management. San Antonio healthcare providers prioritize patient education, equipping individuals with the information and tools they need to actively participate in their care decisions and advocate for themselves.

Holistic Approach to Wellness:

Beyond symptom management, pain management in San Antonio embraces a holistic approach to wellness, addressing the physical, emotional, and social aspects of pain. By fostering resilience, promoting self-care strategies, and enhancing quality of life, healthcare providers help patients reclaim control and thrive despite their chronic pain.

Navigating pain management in San Antonio involves a blend of medical expertise, compassionate care, and a commitment to innovation. With a diverse array of healthcare facilities, multidisciplinary approaches, innovative treatments, and community support, individuals living with chronic pain can find hope and healing in the vibrant city of San Antonio.

For more info:-

san antonio neck pain specialists

spine specialists in san san antonio

[completefloodrestoration]

Complete Flood Restoration is San Antonio's Water Damage Restoration Authority

San Antonio, TX – When floodwaters invade, quick response helps safeguard property. Complete Flood Restoration utilizes advanced techniques for meticulous flood cleanup, transforming damaged structures through water extraction and innovative restoration. As flooded basement cleanup specialists, they enable swift rehabilitation so owners reclaim spaces.

Comprehensively Decoding Flood Cleanup 

Flood cleanup requires a comprehensive approach that transcends basic water removal to address the wide-ranging impact of floodwaters. Complete Flood Restoration considers how the intrusive nature of floods may compromise building structural integrity. Their technicians thoroughly assess foundations and frames for stability issues, addressing any risks with appropriate corrective actions including reinforcement and waterproofing. Equally important, they monitor for concealed mold threats that can emerge following improper drying. By handling these complexities often overlooked in routine cleanups, Complete Flood Restoration ensures no flood remnants linger to jeopardize building integrity.

Specialized Flooded Basement Cleanup Solutions

As true specialists in flooded basement cleanup, Complete Flood Restoration fully recognizes the race against time these water emergencies pose. Beyond surface damage, lingering moisture enables destructive mold colonies to gain a foothold and hidden weaknesses to compromise foundation stability. Through an immediate response protocol, their technicians swiftly extract water using industrial pumps and vacuums based on moisture map findings from sensitive meters and infrared cameras. Rapid removal arrests damage, which then draws out trapped moisture within the surrounding structure through precisely positioned drying equipment. Only by stabilizing the situation can the revival of flooded basements be possible.   

An Advanced Water Extraction Arsenal 

The water extraction phase heavily influences overall flood cleanup efficacy. As a premier flood cleanup company, Complete Flood Restoration deploys an advanced arsenal of commercial-grade pumps, vacuums, and ventilation designed for large-loss emergencies. Rather than rely on the strain of conventional homeowner pumps, these industrial-strength systems efficiently extract upwards of hundreds of gallons of floodwater. Seasoned technicians expertly position the commercial equipment to comprehensively target water removal from hidden pockets. Precision water extraction minimizes structural impact and sets the stage for thorough drying.

Structural Rehydration Prowess  

Eliminating visible moisture represents merely the beginning of effective flood cleanup. Complete Flood Restoration further gauges embedded moisture content within walls, floors, and furnishings using infrared thermal cameras and sensitive moisture meters. The findings enable directing specialty drying systems precisely toward compromised materials throughout the structure. Dehumidifiers, airflow movers, and drying chambers gradually rehydrate materials to prevent hidden moisture from enabling long-term deterioration or mold emergence. Only such comprehensive structural drying prowess fully protects against future risks.

Property Reinvention Craftsmanship  

With moisture remediated, Complete Flood Restoration shines through its restoration artistry. They recognize that no two water damage scenarios will manifest the same way, even in identical spaces. Each job requires a personalized analysis accounting for variables from flooring type to custom furnishings vulnerable after water submersion. Clients gain peace of mind knowing that their attention to detail and commitment goes beyond merely repairing to reinventing homes and businesses. This craftsmanship makes Complete Flood Restoration’s comprehensive services stand apart from all other flood cleanup companies.

About Complete Flood Restoration

Complete Flood Restoration brings water damage expertise to San Antonio metro residential and commercial clients. Available 24/7 for emergency response, their local technicians offer proprietary restoration techniques supplemented by thermal imaging and moisture detection technology. Services cater to wide-ranging needs from flooding to storm damage.

As community neighbors, Complete Flood Restoration recognizes unique regional challenges in rehabilitating water-compromised structures. Contact their responsive team promptly when disaster strikes by calling (312) 600-7598. Let them shoulder emergency flood cleanup so owners can focus on recovery.

[blooddrinkingbartender]

"That's what I told him," Antonio said, with a small smile, "It certainly doesn't stop him being grumpy though. I can do some real magic, but for that particular trick, no one is going to know how it was done. All I will say it was the power of the mind."

"I will find out," Bill said, as he placed the drink down in front of Antonio, "I will find out whether it really was hypnosis or whether you really were just cheating with your actual magic."

"As I said after that show, I am not saying anything," Leofric only said, as he took a sip of his coconut water, "Sometimes the intrigue is part of the fun after all."

"Time travel? Fascinating. But again, Bill, far as I'm concerned, the volunteer had a bit of fun, and the audience was amazed," Antonio said, "And so I am fine with leaving the mystery there."

But he had to admit the concept of time travel was an interesting one. If only he had come in a little sooner, he would have caught more that conversation.

"Leave the mystery on this," Bill said, before he took a sprig of a very familiar looking plant out of his back pocket and waved it under Antonio's nose, "Heh, enjoying it more, Percival? You get to see something else that's rather fun."

The effect was instantaneous. A pair of black feline ears popped out onto Antonio's head, and a black tail manifested itself just above his backside. Antonio sat stunned for a moment, before he seemed to recover. One ear did twitch a little in mild annoyance.

"Were you carrying that around just for that opportunity?" Antonio then asked.

"I sure was," Bill said, smirking then, "Look, Leofric revealed he was a dog. I revealed I was a vampire. So I figured let's go for the third time being the charm, and show that you're a cat, and because again, you're Hypno Cat."

"Hilarious..." Antonio said, with a roll of his eyes behind his shades, before he sipped at the martini. His nails had turned into curved claws, "But I'll let it slide because again, you do make an amazing espresso martini."

He then looked over at Percival.

"Yes, they are real," Antonio then confirmed, "And yes, he is really a vampire, and Leofric is really a dog, just as I am really a cat."

As one speaks of the devil...

"No shaking of hands, understood." Percival curiously looked over at the new person who had just arrived. So that was Antonio. Percival supposed the other was quite eye-catching, the combination of the coat and the glasses definitely did give him a certain mystique.

"Oh, of course, magicians never give away their tricks." Percival smiled. "But... all things considered, I almost wonder if there was real magic involved? Perhaps that is a silly assumption, please do excuse me if so, I am still learning when it comes to all this."

Percival supposed magic could make people float. That seemed entirely reasonable. If magical dog creatures could merge with humans, and if vampires could hide their fangs and serve up cocktails, then why wouldn't a shades-wearing magician be capable of making people float? He was sure there were rules where this whole supernatural-magic thing was concerned, but he hadn't figured them out yet.

"The name's Percival and I am glad that I am welcome here. Truthfully I seem to have stumbled into all this by accident, but I am quite enjoying myself." Being called normal was a nice change of pace. "And it is quite the surprise, though admittedly this wasn't the first surprising thing I encountered. I imagine I would've been a lot more shaken up if I didn't already have some experience with the strange and unusual." He laughed, sipping his drink before he continued. "I mean, once time travel is shown to be real, the possibilities are kind of endless, aren't they? They might as well be."

That reminded him. He was believing all this, and taking them at their word... but technically they hadn't shown him anything to prove that they were not human. It was entirely possible that they were simply pulling his leg. Percival didn't think that was what they were doing, it would be very elaborate and unnecessary, but it was still in the realm of possibility, wasn't it? Either he had been too trusting until now or he was suddenly being paranoid for absolutely no reason. He decided to shelf these thoughts for now, he could always revisit them later.

[manifestationmatters]

15 Minute Manifestation by Eddy Sergey

15 Minute Manifestation by Eddie Sergey is a simple, but powerful technique for creating change in your life. The premise of the technique is that you can create change in your life by focusing your attention on what you want and setting a goal for yourself. The goal should be something that you feel passionate about, something that you believe is possible, and something that you are willing to work hard for. Once you have set your goal, you can start to focus your attention on it by writing out a list of what you need to do in order to reach your goal. Once you have your list, you can start to make sure that you are taking action toward achieving your goal. Here is where this 15 Minute Manifestation by Eddie Sergey program starts helping you. It is going to help you reprogram your mind to turn it into a positive mode. The trip towards personal change frequently requires reliable strategies that direct individuals towards positive modification. One such technique getting focus is the "15 Minute Manifestation" approach by Eddie Sergey. In this short article, we check out the core principles of this technique as well as its potential to bring about transformative adjustment in your life. Antonio Ortega, an expert in assessing personal growth techniques, provides insights into the "15 Minute Manifestation" method. With years of experience in the field, Antonio brings a vital eye to check out the performance of this strategy and its influence on individuals looking for positive life modifications.  

  15 Minute Manifestation by Eddy Sergey

15 Minute Manifestation is a product created by Eddie Sergey. It is a breakthrough personal development product that allows you to literarily reprogram your subconscious mind to allow you to manifest the life of your dreams. If I were to pick up only one personal development product when on a tight budget, I’d definitely choose 15 Minute Manifestation. Simply because it gives me something that other products can’t give. Now, let us understand what this product is all about and how it impacts our lives by simply tuning the subconscious portion of our brain. At one point in my life, I was in complete financial turmoil and my life was in disarray. Neither did I see a way out of it nor did I know what to do. At this point, you might be thinking that I am just one of the sales guys convincing you to buy this product; but believe me, you’d be dead wrong to think this way! For me, it wasn’t even the 15 Minute Manifestation that helped me and put me on the right track in life.   Eddie Sergey: The Mind Behind the Technique Eddie Sergey, the developer of the "15 Minute Manifestation" strategy, brings a wealth of experience and expertise to the field of personal growth. With a history rooted in scientific principles and a deep understanding of the human mind, Eddie developed this method to help people reprogram their subconscious minds and straighten their ideas with their desired results. During the post-recession period, the unemployment rate was high. And this led to a substantial cut in wages. I was desperate to do ANYTHING just to earn more for a living. Not to mention that I was already in a cloud of negativity and low energy. I read many books on the law of attraction and took courses on manifestation and personal development. I even took a therapist session. Neither the therapist nor the courses were of any use. I got lost without any clue of my dreams or goals. Then I came across this guy - a multimillionaire entrepreneur who claimed to have cracked the code to communicate with the subconscious mind and bring it in tune with the conscious portion of the brain. Or as he called it, “UPGRADE THE SOFTWARE”. Eddie used the scientific concepts to correlate our thoughts, and hence our brain to the tiniest of particle, the sub-atomic particle. He devised a technique to focus energy waves around us to create a sense of positivity.  

  The Essence of 15 Minute Manifestation

At its core, the "15 Min Manifestation" method revolves around the concept that focused attention and goal-setting can produce profound modifications in one's life. By identifying a goal that reverberates with you as well as holds deep significance, you lead the way for transformation. The method highlights establishing clear intents as well as taking actionable actions toward understanding your goal. Comprehending the Method To start the journey of 15 Min Manifestation, begin by choosing a goal that aligns with your enthusiasms as well as aspirations. As soon as you have an objective in mind, adhere to these steps: - Clarify Your Goal: Define your goal in certain terms. Make it something possible yet challenging, something that sparks your passion. - Create a Roadmap: Break down your objective into actionable steps. Outline what you need to do to move more detailed to your preferred outcome. - Focused Attention: Spend 15 mins day-to-day concentrating your focus on your objective. Visualize on your own currently achieving it, and really feel the emotions related to your success. - Reprogram Your Mind: The technique aims to reprogram your subconscious mind, straightening it with your mindful desires. Replace restricting beliefs with empowering ideas. - Consistency is Trick: Constantly practice the 15-minute regimen. Over time, the method intends to create a favorable change in your frame of mind as well as practices. The Guarantee of Transformative Change The "15 Minute Manifestation" method assures to harness the power of your subconscious mind to bring about transformative change. While results might vary, the method of setting intentions, imagining success, and rewiring your thoughts can add to individual development and also positive life adjustments.   Looking For Scientific Validation To boost its reliability, the "15 Min Manifestation" strategy benefits from scientific concepts related to mind plasticity as well as the mind-body link. Nevertheless, more research study and also referrals to credible research studies would certainly enhance its legitimacy as well as credibility.     Video: 15 Minute Manifestation by Eddie Sergey https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IrZAqLwjVUc    

Frequently Asked Questions

1. What is the "15 Minute Manifestation" technique? The "15 Minute Manifestation" technique is a personal development method designed to create positive change in one's life. It involves dedicating 15 minutes daily to focus on a specific goal, visualize its achievement, and reprogram the subconscious mind to align with desired outcomes.   2. Who is Eddie Sergey, and what is his background? Eddie Sergey is the creator of the "15 Minute Manifestation" technique. He is known for his expertise in bridging scientific concepts with personal development. With a background rooted in brain science and energy manipulation, Eddie developed the technique to help individuals rewire their thought patterns and manifest their goals.   3. How does the technique reprogram the subconscious mind? The technique utilizes the principle of brain plasticity, suggesting that the brain can be reshaped through consistent focus and repetition. By spending 15 minutes daily visualizing success and replacing limiting beliefs with empowering thoughts, the technique aims to create new neural pathways that support positive change.   4. What are the key steps of the "15 Minute Manifestation" technique? The technique involves several steps: - Choose a goal that resonates with you. - Break the goal into actionable steps. - Spend 15 minutes daily focusing on the goal and visualizing success. - Use affirmations and visualization to rewire your subconscious mind. - Practice consistently over time to create lasting change.   5. What results can I expect from practicing the technique? Results may vary from person to person. Some individuals report experiencing increased motivation, improved mindset, and progress towards their goals. However, the technique's effectiveness depends on consistent practice and a genuine commitment to change. It's essential to manage expectations and understand that the technique is a tool that supports personal growth. Disclaimer: The information provided in these FAQs is based on general knowledge and insights related to the "15 Minute Manifestation" technique. It is not an endorsement or official statement from Eddie Sergey or the "15 Minute Manifestation" program. Individual experiences may differ.    

Final thought: A Course to Positive Adjustment

Finally, the "15 Min Manifestation" technique offers a pathway to positive adjustment as well as individual improvement. By combining concentrated focus, goal-setting, as well as subconscious reprogramming, individuals can possibly create changes in their lives. To fully realize its advantages, think about a consistent technique and also supplement the strategy with clinical recommendations that confirm its principles. Embark on your trip of transformative modification with the 15 Min Manifestation strategy and also unlock new possibilities.      

Comment & Share

I hope you enjoyed the article! If you liked it, I would really appreciate it if you can share it using one of the social sharing icons. Also, leave me a comment and let me know what you thought – I love talking to the readers, so hopefully will talk to you in the comments below.   Read the full article

[savofid]

So, I've been doing a lot of introspection lately, and I think I've got something figured out. Guess I'll do the CW thing cause I'm gonna be talking about mental health and abuse and my own troubles in that. If you don't like hearing about stuff like that, this blog isn't for you, because this is where I often scream into the void when I'm having a breakdown.

Over the years since my initial mental break, I've referred to some parts of my mind having "voices." It's a rudimentary term, as no one term exists that can encapsulate all of them. They're intrusive thoughts, urges, obsessions. They're tugs in my mind towards some task or state.

The three disorders I have are general anxiety disorder, clinical depression, and obsessive compulsive disorder. And I don't mean "I like things neat." If you saw my bedroom, you would immediately see that the opposite is true. This creates a... Unique situation where I have three different disorders, equally strong and fueled by the same source, that being fear, and they all want something different.

My anxiety is rooted with my 6th ex, who was a manipulative psychopath who controlled every aspect of my life outside of work. Well, I'm away from her at work, so at least I have a space to decompress, right? No, because I was working for the government at the time and my work was very controlled. So I went from a controlling environment to another one and had nothing of my own to hold onto anymore to the point where I finally broke. I started having violent and aggressive intrusive thoughts. Thankfully, I never acted on them.

My depression has been with me since early childhood. I had my first real suicidal ideations when I was 8, all from a complete lack of self worth, the roots of which I don't wanna talk about again at this moment. I distinctly remember sitting on the floor of my bedroom drawing a picture of how my view of a pretty girl and my view of myself holding hands, all with one word written on the bottom: Impossible. Once I finished it, I crumped it, cried, and wished to die.

The OCD is genetic. Thanks, mom. I hope you rot in hell sooner rather than later. I'm at the point where I can tell if something is gonna become an obsession because of how I feel going into it. The example I give is my first flight on a plane. I was 20 years old, so plenty of time to develop a mild fear of something I'd never done before. As the date approached, I thought, "There's gonna be something about this flight that'll become a thing I now have to do every time I fly. No idea what it is, but it's gonna happen." Either I manifested it into my reality or it was mere happenstance, I flew on the left side of the plane for the three flights I took that day: Pittsburgh to Columbus, Columbus to Atlanta, Atlanta to San Antonio. A clear pattern emerged and now I HAVE to sit on the left side of every flight I take.

This is gonna seem unrelated and a jarring transition, but it'll tie in at the end.

I was raised around crazy people. My birth mother has OCD, psychopathy, and anxiety, my aunt is in and out of institutions, my uncle has issues with rage, my dad was clinically depressed, three of my four sisters have been institutionalized at least once and all of them have done some terrible things. If the least terrible thing was that one of them poisoned one of our cats, I'll let your imagination take you from there. Attempted murder is on that list, though, and they were only 8 and 10 when they made that attempt, and it was on their then toddler sister through poison. Strangely enough, that then toddler sister, now my directly older sister and elder of my full siblings, is the worst of them all. Little sister is just a psychopath like our mom.

Anyways, you spend so much time around crazy people and you learn to see it. You learn patterns, behaviors, tendencies, tells, ticks, and even being able to determine whether they're medicated or "feeling well so I didn't take them today." A complex coping mechanism. Because my family was basically the only people I knew for the first 6 years of my life, I didn't see them as crazy, naturally, and so my behavior, my coping mechanism, immediately extended to everyone around me. I spent 4 years in therapy for something one of my sisters did (and should've gone for much longer cause it's still unresolved and it's been 28 years), so had a very minor introduction to the world of psychology fairly early in my life. This later became something I enjoyed and I learned a lot about. I'm not a doctor, not a psychologist, hardly even an armchair therapist, but I feel like this combination of things has given me some very particular insight into people with clear issues.

A friend of mine in a chatroom was infamous for just dunking on everyone's taste in music and insisting theirs, which is highly niche and unique, is far better. He'd shit talk any song anyone talked about while going on at length about how the songs he liked were the best ever. It usually didn't bother me, which made me one of the few in there who actually liked him, but, one day, he struck a nerve. I was furiously typing up a massive response, detailing a singular event in his life that explains exactly why he is the way he is. I didn't send it, though, because I felt it would've hit way too close to home and I didn't wanna put him on blast. My assessment was that, when he was a young adult, he came out as gay to his parents, who didn't approve and kicked him out. He spent time homeless until a man took him in. The man was likely older and ended up being his first partner, and this the genre of music the guy in the chatroom liked is the same as his first partner, that he showed it to him. The man became more than just a partner but a father figure to him and they were together for a long time before things ended, likely suddenly and without proper closure, so he holds all of these things upon the highest of high pedestals.

You can probably see why that might cut a bit too deeply. Especially when, a few months later, he talked about his past and I was right on the money. He was kicked out at 19, spent almost a year homeless before a 40 year old man took him in and took care of him, the two of them ending up falling in love and being partners for 8 years. Then, the man just left one day and never came back, never called, nothing. All that I knew about him before he talked about it was that he was a gay musician in his late 30's living in Canada.

The way this ties in is that, over the years, I've likely done it to myself countless times, and these three disorders that are all fighting for control, all fueled by fear and equally strong, have mostly kept me somewhat mentally balanced. Past year and a half, though, they've been in flux. The spikes they cause, those sudden urges and impulses, are being, for lack of a better word, interpreted by this psychoanalytical process into more understandable ways. A thought, a feeling, a daydream, a fantasy, a pull upon my soul to do whatever it is that's the end goal of the winner. I've had auditory and visual hallucinations due to anxiety, like someone turning on a projector inside my mind, overlaying the fantasy dug up from deep within my mind over top of reality. It's terrifying.

Basically my brain has turned on itself and I'm stuck doing psychoanalysis on myself because I have become the crazy person.

/sigh/

I'm just angry right now, much like I have been for the past few weeks. Broke up with my partner because she only knew how to lie. Like, I can deal with her sleeping with other guys, just don't lie about it. I only ever wanted honesty and she couldn't even give me that. But I can't be in a relationship with someone I can't trust. Now, I made the mistake of dating the girl next door, so now I still have to see her nearly every day.

I feel bad for the guy she replaced me with while we were still together. Not because he's dating her or whatever, but because he's gonna have to go through what I went through back in January, where I very nearly killed myself, going so far as to give my roommate every sharp object I owned for my own protection before I reached the bottom of my depressive spiral. It was a rough three days but I ended up okay. Then, a few months later, once I had finally almost gotten past her, she dragged me back into her life, citing fear from the guy she replaced me with first. In reality, she just wanted to get laid and was having trouble finding someone to squeeze, and I fell for it. I was so close, up to the point where I'd go days without even thinking about her.

He's gonna have to go through that very soon. When I sent her a strongly worded and very long text telling her to basically get out of my life because she kept lying about the guy she was bringing around when I had asked her well over a month in advanced to make a little time for me cause I wanted to talk to her about some heavy stuff and she was always "too busy" and "he's just dropping off groceries" when he walks in empty handed right after parking and he's spending two, three nights in a row there without changing clothes. I said that it's gonna be three months and she'll find someone else to replace him with.

Well, it's been three months, and he was over this morning, only for him to be sent home in the late afternoon and another guy showed up an hour later. No, I'm not stalking them. I just spend a lot of time on my porch and have a functional pair of eyes, paranoid tendencies, and at least 3 functional brain cells. I look at every car and every person that comes in and leaves the parking lot because my eyes are attuned to movement and I react to the sound of people talking. I can hear them taking right now because I have a good sense of hearing. Couldn't tell you what they're talking about because I'm not listening.

That's not to say that I haven't had urges to hurt her. Not physically. I'd never lay my hands on someone that hadn't hit me first. I mean emotionally, tearing her apart with my words. Main reason I haven't is because she's not worth the jail time because I would not be kind. I've also had the urge to get her evicted, and have the evidence to back up the fact that she violates her lease on a daily basis. It would be petty as shit, but I could do it. However, I don't want that to come back to me or come across to the property manager like I'm a whiny baby. Yes, I have the entirety of the terms of my lease memorized because I kinda like not being homeless.

I just wish she'd move away so I can move on. Every time I see her, I get angry at her for wasting a year and a half of my life when there were other people who were interested that I turned down because I was committed to someone else. I've got no problem with open relationships and polycules and what have you. Given the right circumstances, I'd be down for that. However, I can't stand a liar, especially someone who lies about loving me.

And she would lie about anything. She flat out tried to tell me that she never eats with her hands. We went to 5 different restaurants on my birthday last year and everything was eaten with your hands: burgers, sandwiches, pizza. Either she is the worst liar I have ever met or she is one of the dumbest people I've ever known who is incapable of remembering something for more than 6 months. Or remembering that I worked at the restaurant she frequented on wing night and she always ate with her hands, complaining about how greasy her fingers were afterwards when we'd have a smoke before she went home, and I only started there in March and quit in July. She tried to claim this in April, so maybe no memory retention beyond a week, I guess. However, she holds down a job as a shift leader at a furniture store, so clearly that's not the case.

I was so angry about the whole ordeal with her that I needed to sit down and talk with a friend of mine who's a licensed therapist in Hungary. Wonderful, sweet woman. She helped guide me on what to do and how to handle the situation, so I followed her advice and tried to communicate with her. She responded with excuses, lies, and attempts to deflect. I then blew up a little bit and sent her a piece of my mind. It wasn't mean, it wasn't hurtful, it was just honest, meaning I very much restrained myself, cause part of me wanted to make it hurt. I decided against it because I doubt it's possible to make her feel anything.

And I really, really wanted to sit there and pick her apart and highlight that incident in her life that I've figured out through context clues and behaviors and just put her on blast. Just tear into her. But I was reminded of when I had a ex do that to me in the worst way possible: through a proxy. She used the Facebook account of the guy she was banging behind my back to weaponize my insecurities against me and the only thing that was stopping me from jumping from my 3rd floor balcony was the fact that I'd probably horrify whoever found me in the morning, and that went on for nearly two months. It doesn't matter how much I hate someone, I'd never subject them to that. It'd be extremely cruel and unfair because I'm an open book so my scars are visible for others to see. They're wounds no one can open again. With her, it's something she'd likely never tell anyone about in her life and would do a lot of damage.

My insecurities are a different story, as I tend to keep those personal. I know I'm not the best looking guy, and I've made peace with that. I'm just funny instead, and woo people with comedy. It's things like some of the deformities I have and the fact that I'll never have biological kids that claw at my insides. Combine that with my depression and you get someone who just hates themselves. Frankly, I hate my dick. I don't hate having one, just hating the one I got. It's not even about size, cause that's not the issue. I've got a deformity there and every partner I've ever had makes an effort to bring it up in some way and I just wish they'd fucking stop because they're either patronizing me or outright mocking me. They'll talk about how much they love it when we're together then immediately turn that against me once things end, even if they're the one who ended it through no action of my own.

I wish I didn't live in this country so I could actually afford to see a therapist instead of needing to be my own. It's getting really mentally taxing to let myself spiral just to get to the root of the issue.

But I am so very tempted to yell over at her place, "First guy wasn't enough for you today, so you had to drag another guy home? Is this why he left early, cause you lied to him about needing to do something, only to really be fucking someone else behind his back? Could just end things like an honest person would, but you're too scared that maybe this one won't work out so you keep him around as a backup, stringing him along with lies and excuses? Maybe I should let him know the next time he comes around."

I hate being right. I really do, and I genuinely feel bad for the guy she replaced me with. I'm not being facetious.