#Another time a man in Dublin yelled at my mum and I and called us ‘f*cking Cambodians’ and told us to ‘get out of my country’

[rahabs]

Honestly though some of the things people consider “racism” these days like… Some of you need to go outside and touch some grass. Not every offensive comment is racism, and not every comment that offends you is racism. I’m not saying feelings aren’t valid in their own way but it’s important to remember that just because you feel a certain way or you’re upset or offended doesn’t actually mean you’re right about something or that whatever upset you is therefore inherently offensive/racist/etc.

[robronanniversarycelebration]

For @vcktoxica, Hope you like it. 

October 5th

5 times they didn’t get to celebrate their anniversary + 1 time they did

October 5th 2019

It’s their anniversary and it should be as happy as the day a year ago, but it’s not.  No matter how much they both try.

They got dressed up, Robert booked them a table in a fancy restaurant, and even a room in the same hotel they stayed at for their honeymoon last year.

Sure it was a nice evening, the food was great, and the hotel room even better than Aaron remembered it being. They’d put the massive bed and huge bath to good use and enjoyed themselves thoroughly until happily falling asleep in each other’s arms.

Only it was at night, with nothing else to occupy their minds, that the thoughts of prison and being separated for god knows how long would come creeping in. And, like many nights before, Aaron woke up in the middle of the night after a nightmare (usually involving Robert dying some kind of horrific and violent death at the hands of Jason in prison) to find Robert’s side of the bed empty and cold, and the man himself staring out the window, deep in thought.

“Hey.” Aaron said softly as he walked up to Robert and put a hand on his shoulder. “Couldn’t sleep?”

“Hmm.” Robert hummed and covered Aaron’s hand with his own, giving it a squeeze. “Can’t seem to switch my brain off tonight.”

“Yeah. I know the problem.” Aaron sighed. He’d given up on trying to reassure Robert everything would be ok and they’d all be alright in the end, because at this point, neither of them really believed it.

“I was thinking about giving Rebecca a call in the morning. I still haven’t told her.” Robert said after a few minutes.

“Did you want to tell her over the phone?”

“No. I thought we could drive up there and I’d ask her for a word while you keep Seb entertained… or maybe we should go for coffee and tell her somewhere public so she won’t yell at me…”

“Do you really think being in public would stop her from doing that if she wanted to?”

“I suppose not…” Robert ran a hand through his hair. “I’ve made such a mess of things. How am I supposed to tell her that her son’s father is going to prison for life?”

“You’re not going to get life.” Aaron said, adamant. “Your solicitor said you’d get a reduced sentence if you pleaded guilty, didn’t he?”

Robert shrugged.

“He said it would probably be at least five years. It could be longer. Knowing my luck, it probably will be.”

“Don’t think like that.”

“How can I not?” Robert said, probably a little too loud for the time of night. “I keep hoping it will only be five years and I’ll be home in three… but then it hits me I could still go to prison for a long time. That I won’t get to see Seb grow up. That I won’t even be around for his second birthday. That I’ll probably never meet your little brother or sister, or my nephew… I’ve ruined everything. As usual.”

Aaron could tell he was fighting back the tears.

“You haven’t ruined anything. You did what you did to protect your sister. I would’ve done the same for Liv. Hell I probably would’ve done the same for Vic if I’d been there.”

“But you weren’t there. And you didn’t do it. I did. I did it… and now I’m going away for possibly the rest of my life. I have everything I’ve ever wanted and I’ve thrown it all away.”

“You haven’t. You have me. You’ll always have me.”

“Will I? What if I get 10 years? Or 20?”

“Then I’ll wait. For as long as I have to.”

“I can’t ask you to put your life on hold for me.”

“You’re not.”

“But you still will.”

“Yeah.” Aaron said and wrapped his arms around Robert’s waist, resting his chin on his shoulder. “Come back to bed. You’re freezing.”

Robert sighed and let Aaron guide him back to bed.

“Suppose I better enjoy this while I still can…” he said, snuggling up to Aaron.

“What if you didn’t have to?”

“What?”

“What if you didn’t have to lose this? Us?”

“What are you talking about? Are you still thinking about getting locked up with me?”

“No.” Aaron said, sitting up in bed. “What if… What if we run?”

“We what? Run? Run where?”

“I don’t know. France? Spain? China for all I care.”

“But… how? They’ll look for us. For me. And there’s Liv… and Seb…”

“Liv will be fine. She’ll be 18 in a few months, she has the entire family looking out for her, and Sandra in Dublin. We’ll put the house in her name and the scrapyard… or I could sell to Kim and -”

“No. No I can’t let you do that.” Robert interrupted. “If we run, we can never come back. You’ll never see your mum or Liv again. We’ll never see Seb again…”

“I know. It’ll be hard… but it’ll be worth it. At least we’ll be together.”

“Aaron… I can’t -”

“Do you think I want to spend years without you? No. We run, we can stay together. We’ll settle somewhere, we’ll make it work.”

“I… You’re mad… But… Ok… Ok let’s do it. We say our goodbyes and we go.”

October 5th 2020

“You can’t bring that in with you. Either eat it now or throw it away.”

“It’s a cupcake.”

“That’s what you say. For all I know it has drugs in it. Or a weapon.”

“A weapon?! What kind of weapon would I be able to hide in a cupcake?”

“You’d be surprised. People get creative with these things.”

“It’s just a chocolate cupcake! The only thing in it is chocolate chips! Don’t you screen these things? Like at the airport?”

“Eat it or bin it. Those are your options. Choose now.”

“Aaron just do what he says.” Liv pleaded. “You take half and give me half.”

“Yeah mate, listen to your girlfriend.”

Aaron glared at the guard.

“Girlfriend? She’s my sister.”

The man shrugged.

“I’d still listen to her if I was you.”

Liv rolled her eyes, yanked the little box out of Aaron’s hands and shoved it at the guard.

“There. Decision made. Can you let us through now?”

“Fine. Sign in here, and you can leave your personal belongings - ”

“Yeah, we know. We’ve been here before.” Liv interrupted.

“Alright. Well… Off you go then.”  The guard said and Liv dragged a still annoyed Aaron with her through the now opened gate to the visitation area.

Robert was sitting at a table, chewing on his lip and anxiously glancing between the clock on the wall and the gate. A smile spread on his face when he noticed first Liv and then Aaron.

“Hi Rob.” Liv said, trying to sound as normal as possible when she reached his table and stepped aside to let Aaron hug him.

“No contact Sugden, you know the rules. Do I really have to remind you every week?” Another guard said as he walked over to them. He sounded tired and not interested in actually pulling the two men apart, like some of the others had done on previous visits.

Robert quickly stole a kiss before letting Aaron go and both of them sitting down on opposite sides of the table.

“Sugden, please stick to the rules for a change, yeah? It’s my last shift until I have two whole weeks off and I’d like to get through it with minimal drama.”

“Alright, noted.” Robert said and turned to Aaron and Liv. “So how is everything at home?”

“It’s fine.” Aaron shrugged. “How are you holding up? You look tired.”

“I’m fine. Somehow they found out what I did… and well… they’re not very keen on rapists around here either. One guy called me a hero… but they leave me alone mostly.”

Aaron nodded.

“Good. That’s good. Just keep your head down and you’ll be home before you know it.”

“We told Seb we were going to see daddy, he wanted to come with.” Liv told Robert.

“No. Don’t bring him here. I don’t want him to see me like this.”

“I know, I know. He drew you this though.” She pulled a piece of paper from her pocket and put it on the table.

To daddy Robert, love Seb was written on it above what Robert assumed were stick figure portraits of their family.

“He wrote his own name on it. April’s been teaching him.” Aaron told him.

“April?” Robert asked, amused.

“Yeah she comes over with Marlon and plays with Seb while Aaron attempts to not burn down the kitchen.” Liv teased. “Marlon’s giving him cooking lessons.”

“Liv!”

“He’s getting better. He even made cupcakes the other day. They were actually fit for human consumption.”

“Really? You bake? Who are you and what have you done with the real Aaron Dingle?”

Aaron laughed and felt his cheeks heat up.

“I brought you one. A cupcake. But they wouldn’t let me bring it in. They were afraid I hid drugs in it or something.”

Robert smiled.

“Well I guess I’ll have something to look forward to for when I get home then.”

October 5th 2021

“If you’re not on the list, I can’t let you through.”

“Yes, you’ve said that. But I told you, there must be a mistake. Today is our… it’s a special day alright? Can you just check again? Maybe someone misspelled my name or something… or maybe they put it on the wrong list.”

“Alright. Fine. Spell it for me?”

“A-A-R-O-N D-I-N-G-L-E or Sugden – Dingle maybe.”

“Nope. Nobody on here by that name. I have a Victoria Sugden and a Sam Dingle but no Aaron.”

“Sam?! Sam is on the list? That doesn’t make any sense.”

“Look, son, if an inmate doesn’t want to see you, I can’t make them. Your best bet is to go home and write to them or wait for them to contact you.”

“But I saw him last week and everything was fine. Why wouldn’t he want to see me now?”

“I don’t know, but I do know you’re not getting through if your name isn’t on the list.”

Aaron swore under his breath.

“Fine. Can you at least get a message to him? A note?”

“All correspondence has to go through the official channels.”

“If I just write a note here and now and give it to you, you can see what’s in it and that there are no hidden messages and you can just give it to him, can’t you?” Aaron pleaded. “Please?”

The guard sighed.

“Alright. Write it and I’ll see what I can do.”

—

“Sugden, next time you update your visitors list, let the home front know, yeah? I’m not doing this every week.” A guard said as he walked into Robert’s cell and dropped a note on the desk.

“What’s this?”

“Read it. And then do something about it because if he’s back next week kicking up a fuss again, I’m putting in a transfer request for you to the Isle of Man so you and him will be someone else’s problem.”

Robert frowned but climbed down from his bunk and folded open the note, recognising the handwriting immediately.

Dear Robert, I know what you’re doing and it’s not going to work. I’m not giving up on you and I’m not moving on. You and me together, messed up forever remember? I love you and I miss you. Please put me back on your list. I’ll be back next week. Love, Aaron. P.S. Happy anniversary October 5th 6th 2022

“One day. Just… Seriously? They couldn’t make an exception? It’s one day.”

“I get that you’re disappointed but he’s incredibly lucky to be getting out this early in the first place.”

“I know.” Aaron sighed and stopped pacing the car park for a second. “But it would’ve been nice to have him back for our wedding anniversary. Yesterday.”

“I really did everything I could. I called in every favour… but it’s a matter of days. Like I explained, today marks the absolute minimum of days he’d have had to serve with his original sentence.”

“We understand.” Liv said quickly. “And we all appreciate everything you’ve done for Robert and for us.”

Aaron nodded.

“Yeah, absolutely. Sorry if it doesn’t seem like it.”

Robert’s solicitor was nothing short of a miracle worker and they all knew it, but as the day of Robert’s release and their wedding anniversary had come closer, Aaron had hoped they’d be able to finally celebrate it together. Properly.

But then they heard he wouldn’t be released until the 6th.

“It’s alright. I understand.” He gave them a friendly smile. “I’ve heard worse over the years I’ve been doing this job.”

“Daddy.” Seb whined from the car and Aaron rushed over to him. “I’m hungry. I want to go home.”

“I know mate. We’ll go home soon. Daddy Robert is coming home today remember? I told you. We’re going to meet him here and then he’s coming home with us.” Aaron said, unbuckling Seb from his car seat and lifting him from the car.

“And then he’s never leaving again. Ever.” Liv added.

“He’s going to read you lots of stories before bed and maybe he’ll come to the pool with us on Sunday. That would be nice wouldn’t it?”

Seb nodded.

“But I’m hungry daddy.”

“Why didn’t you eat your toast before we left then?”

“You didn’t eat your toast either.” The boy pointed out.

“I know. I wasn’t hungry. But that doesn’t mean you can’t eat.” Aaron said, cursing himself for not forcing a slice of toast down that morning, knowing Seb was at an age where he liked to copy everything his dad did… or didn’t do.

“I think I have a mars bar in here…” Liv said, digging through her bag.

“He can’t have a mars bar for breakfast Liv.”

“Do you have a better idea then?”

“Yes. No. I don’t know. We’ll stop somewhere on the way home. Get some sandwiches. Some fruit. He needs vitamins instead of chocolate for breakfast.” Aaron argued. He was too wound up to think clearly.

“I don’t know, I’ve always been partial to having chocolate for breakfast. Especially on Easter.”

Aaron turned around and came face to face with a smiling Robert.

“Rob.” He said and threw his arms around the other man, grabbing two fistfuls of the back of his jacket and squeezing him tightly.

“I’ve missed you so much.” Robert mumbled and buried his face in the crook of Aaron’s neck, breathing him in.

“I’ve missed you too.” Aaron replied, unable to stop the tears from streaming down his face. “So, so much.”

They stood like that for several minutes before pulling back slightly to share their first proper kiss in much too long.

“Daddy, are you sad?” Seb asked when he saw his dad wipe the tears from his face.

“No mate, I’m really happy. Your dad is back with us, where he belongs.”

Robert smiled and walked over to where Seb was standing with Liv. He hugged her and kissed the top of her head before squatting down in front of Seb.

“Hi. Do you know who I am?” He asked the boy who nodded.

“You’re daddy Robert.”

“Yeah that’s right. I’m sorry I haven’t been around the past few years, but from now on I’m going to be the best dad ever for you, ok? I promise.”

Seb nodded again and let Robert pick him up. He looked a bit unsure, he knew who Robert was, he’d seen him in pictures and heard about him in stories but still didn’t really know him.

“Robert… sorry to interrupt…” Robert’s solicitor started “I have an appointment in there in 10 minutes and I have to go through security…”

“Right. Of course. Thank you for everything.” Robert said, moving Seb to his left side so he could shake the man’s hand.

“I’m glad everything worked out in the end.” He handed Robert a card. “My new office. Meet me there Friday at 10 and we’ll go over the conditions of your release and I’ll introduce you to your probation officer.”

“Alright. I’ll see you Friday. And thanks again. You really are a miracle worker.”

The man gave him a smile and a nod, before waving to Aaron and Liv and turning around to walk into the prison to meet his next client.

“Are you ready to go home mister Sugden-Dingle?” Aaron asked, picking Robert’s bag up from the ground.

“Yeah. More than ready.”

October 4th & 5th 2023

“Here. Bad hospital coffee.” Robert said, handing Aaron a Styrofoam cup before sitting down next to him. “Any news?”

“No.” Aaron shook his head. “They’re still working on her I guess. On both of them.” He sighed. “How was everything at home?”

Robert shrugged.

“Fine. Seb and Isaac are helping Moira on the farm. She let them feed the sheep. Cain said he’s having a blast.”

“Good.” Aaron said and leaned his head on Robert’s shoulder. Exhaustion starting to kick in.

“Come on, drink your coffee, we’ll go find a nurse to update us when you’re done.”

Aaron sat up a little and sipped his coffee, grimacing at the taste.

“Every time I see someone walking down the corridor I think it’s someone coming to tell us our baby died.” He admitted a few minutes later.

“Don’t think like that. The doctor said she was confident they would be able to stop the bleed and everything would be fine.”

“Then why is it taking so long? It’s been hours.”

“I don’t know. But I’m planning on finding out.” Robert said determined and stood up, ready to grab the first medical professional he saw and get some information out of them.

It turned out he didn’t have to look very far because at that same moment one of the doctors from earlier came through the double doors.

“Mister and Mister Sugden-Dingle?”

“Yes. How are they? Is everything ok?”

“Why don’t we go to a family room where we can talk in peace.” The doctor suggested.

“Is she dead?” Aaron asked. “I don’t need you to put me in some little room to tell me our baby died.”

“No, no, nobody died. I promise.” The doctor said quickly. “I just wanted to sit down with you to talk through everything that happened.”

“Can’t you just tell us here?” Robert pushed. “We’ve been waiting here for hours.”

“Alright. Well, the good news is mum and baby are both stable.”

“Why do I sense a but?”

“But… we’ve had to deliver the baby. And at 25 weeks that’s… less than ideal.”

“But she’s stable? You said she’s stable.” Aaron asked.

The doctor nodded.

“Yes, the machines are keeping her stable for now.”

“Wait. Machines? What machines?”

“She’s being transferred to the NICU, the Neonatal, Intensive Care Unit, where she’ll have to stay for a while. Usually until the original due date. It depends how quickly she develops.”

“Right, Right.” Robert started, trying to get his thoughts together.

“They’re getting her settled in on the NICU, I’ll get someone to come get you when they’re done so you can meet your daughter.” The doctor said and turned to leave, but Aaron stopped her.

“Wait.. doctor… can I ask you something… Do babies this small… do they usually make it?” he asked carefully, not sure he wanted to hear the answer. “Be honest.”

“There is about a 50/50 chance right now. But we’re doing everything in our power to improve those odds. She’s in good hands, I promise.”

The doctor left and the two of them sat back down again.

“There’s a fifty percent chance she won’t make it.” Aaron said, staring into space.

“Yeah and a fifty percent chance she will.” Robert reminded him. “Let’s focus on that.”

It was another half hour before someone came to collect them and take them to see their daughter. The nurse made them both put on a gown and disinfect their hands thoroughly before entering the ward.

“It looks scarier than it is, trust me. It’s just standard procedure.” He said. “And try not to look at all the tubes and wires too much. They’re all there to help her, and us.”

The two men nodded and followed the nurse who lead them to an incubator with a tiny baby inside.

“Here she is, the lady of the hour. The iv is to give her fluids and meds, the tube in her nose is to help her breathe, and this keeps track of her heart rate.” He explained.

“She’s so tiny…” Robert said looking at the little girl. Their little girl, so precious but so fragile. He blindly reached out for Aaron who took his hand right away.

“I can’t believe she’s here.”

“Can we… can we hold her?”

“I’m afraid not. She’s not quite strong enough for that yet… but you can touch her. You can open the incubator here and put your hand through it.” The nurse said and showed them how to navigate the equipment.

“Are you sure she’s alright like this?” Aaron asked, carefully stroking the girl’s head.

“Absolutely. Pull up a chair and sit with her as long as you like. I’ll leave you three to get to know each other now, I’ll be back later to check how you’re getting on.”

They sat with the girl for a while, switching between staring at her and each other. Robert holding her foot and Aaron letting her hold onto his little finger.

“Hey… it’s after midnight.” Robert said some time later after glancing at his watch. “Happy anniversary.”

October 5th 2028

“Good morning husband.” Robert said as he leaned over Aaron to wake him up with a kiss. “Happy 10 year anniversary.”

“Happy 10 year anniversary.” Aaron replied. “What time is it?”

“About 7. I turned the alarm off to wake you up before the kids got up and the madness started again.”

Aaron gave him a sleepy smile.

“Yeah we’re definitely not having a party at home next year for Keira’s birthday.”

“You said the same thing for Seb’s birthday last year.” Robert grinned. “And he’s having a party at home too.”

“Yeah, well… he’s older isn’t he? A bunch of 11 year olds is easier to deal with than 5 year olds.”

Robert laughed.

“I thought I was supposed to be the old man in this marriage?” He teased.

“Shut up. You were complaining about your back hurting when you carried Keira up to bed last night.” Aaron reminded him.

“Yeah… she’s not the tiny baby anymore she was when she was born.” Robert said and snuggled up to Aaron, both men getting lost in thoughts of their daughter defying the odds and growing into a happy, and most of all healthy, little girl.

“Let’s sack off work for the day.” Aaron suggested after a few minutes. “Stay in bed all day.”

“Tempting.” Robert groaned. “But I have a meeting and the kids have school. And didn’t you have a big delivery coming in?”

“The boys can deal with that. Charity’s been nagging me to give Noah more responsibility, this is me doing that.”

“I really have to go to this meeting though. It’s a big client and we could use the money.”

Aaron sighed.

“I know. And it’s Keira’s last day at nursery, she’ll be gutted if she misses that.”

“Yeah.” Robert agreed. “We should probably get up and get them ready… But tonight, when the kids are in bed… you’re mine.”

“Oh really now mister Sugden-Dingle, what did you have in mind?”

“Oh I don’t know. You, me, some pasta and a bottle of wine… a little Netflix and chill.” Robert said and they both laughed.

“You’re terrible.”

“You love it.”

“Suppose I do yeah.” Aaron grinned and pulled Robert in for a kiss. Morning breath be damned.

Just as they were about to get out of bed, first Aaron’s and then Robert’s phone beeped with a message.

“It’s Jimmy.” Robert said, frowning at the screen. “He’s already on his way to Manchester for that meeting… the meeting I was supposed to go to…”

“Really? Cain’s just texted me that he’s got a job on in Hotten and that he’s taking Isaac to school and Seb can ride with them. Looks like we’ll get that lie in after all.” Aaron said and turned his attention back to his phone when it beeped again. “And Noah and Ellis are at the yard waiting for the delivery.”

Robert frowned.

“Something’s going on here. Our family and friends are never this helpful.”

“Yeah it’s weird… Do you smell coffee?”

“Is that your way of making me get up to make you some?”

“No. I smell coffee. Like someone is making some.” Aaron said, throwing the covers off of himself and getting out of bed. “Liv isn’t home… and Seb knows better than to try make coffee without us around.”

They rushed downstairs, only to be met with not only fresh coffee but also a full breakfast table with toast, croissants, fruit, and even a bottle of champagne in a cooler.

“Happy birthday daddies!” Keira yelled when she saw her parents coming down the stairs and Robert made a mental note to talk to her about using inside voices – again.

“It’s not their birthday, silly, it’s their anniversary. From when they got married.” Liv explained laughingly.

“What’s all this?” Aaron asked, looking around the kitchen.

“It’s a surprise. For you.” Seb told him. “Do you like it?”

“Yeah, yes, yes, it’s great. Come here.” He pulled the boy close and kissed the top of his head. “When did you do this?”

“This morning. We had help though.”

“Was this your idea?” Robert asked Liv.

“Parts of it.” She shrugged like it was no big deal. “You two just deserved something nice on your anniversary.”

Keira walked up to Robert and grabbed his hand to lead him to the table.

“You need to eat daddy.” She decided. “You too daddy.” She said to Aaron who sat down next to Robert.

They’d tried to get her to call one of them papa for the longest time but she refused. They were both daddy and that was that.

“What about you two eh? Shouldn’t you have some breakfast too?”

“Already taken care of.” Liv told them. “We had breakfast with April and Marlon. It’s all kind of a family effort.”

“Wait… Cain giving you a lift to school is part of the plan too?” Aaron asked Seb who just grinned and nodded.

“And Jimmy going to your meeting, and Noah and Ellis dealing with the delivery at the scrapyard.” Liv added. “And Chas and I are taking this little lady to school. So you’re free to be as disgustingly loved up as you want today, without bothering the rest of us.” She joked.

The next half hour was the usual madness that was breakfast in the mill. With Keira too busy chatting about her plans for the day to even entertain the thought of taking a bite of the piece of toast Aaron had given her, and Seb joking and teasing his dads with his aunt Liv.

The sound of a car horn coming from outside was Seb’s sign to go, and Liv took the opportunity to scoop Keira up to go meet Chas for their school run.

“Alone at last.” Robert said when the front door closed and the house was quiet again.

“And a full day ahead of us without responsibilities.” Aaron said and grabbed the bottle of champagne from the cooler and poured them both a glass. “Here’s to the next ten years.”

“I’ll drink to that.” Robert said and a devilish grin appeared on his face. “How about we take this bottle and celebrate properly… upstairs.”

[mcgrathsx-blog]

i must confess... - mcjames

Characters: Katie McGrath & Theo James ( @theoxjames​ ) Setting:   Dublin International Airpor Warnings: N/A  Timeframe: Saturday Morning - 3/30/2019 Description: On the day where Katie and Theo were meant to leave for their honeymoon, some secrets are revealed. Secrets that break hearts and lies that kill dreams. Katie comes clean about the kiss she shared with Bradley moments before the wedding ceremony, making Theo tell her he only married her so her mother wouldn’t disown their two year old son. One heartbreak followed by another. Ending with Katie leaving for Greece on her own.  

Theo: the wedding was over, all of the guests were gone home and they were on the way to the airport to go on their honeymoon. Kian had gone home with his mum so that they didn't have to worry about anything but the beginning of their happily ever after together. that was exactly how it felt too. like they were already on their way to being the happiest couple in the world, even if they had just gotten married. at least he felt that way. theo was excited for this time alone with his new bride. he couldn't wait to get Katie alone so that he could make love to her over and over and over again with no distractions and no disruptions. "dove, are you hungry? do you need anything before we get on the flight?" his eyes looked at her with pure love, nothing in the world could ruin how he was feeling right now. nothing. his hand moved to touch her still flat stomach, his lips curling up into a grin. his baby was growing in there as well. what more could happen that would make his life complete?

Katie: On the entire way to the airport - and if she could be honest, since the previous day - the Irish actress had been fidgeting like crazy. The guilt she felt for kissing Bradley was eating her alive. Even if she hadn’t iniciated the kiss, she didn’t do anything to stop it, that added with the fact that she had confessed to Emily that she had lingering feelings for the man in question wasn’t helping either. So she remained quiet, just staring out the window. A plethora of thoughts invading her mind, not leaving her alone for a single second. Upon their arrival to the airport, she immediately stepped out of the town car while she waited for their driver to get their bags from the trunk. “What?” She turned to Theo once she heard his question, later registering what he had asked. “Um, no, I’m good.” She said, nibbiling on her lower lip. She knew that if she didn’t come clean right there she wasn’t going to be able to enjoy their honeymoon. She had to tell him. And soon. “I have to tell you something, something that happened before the ceremony.” Katie exhaled, while running a hand through her long and dark locks. God, she couldn’t even make eye contact. How could she had been so stupid?

Theo: frowned as she said that she had to tell him something, about something that happened before the wedding. what could have happened? his mind began to think of different things, but none of them were bad things. knowing Katie, it was probably something little that she thought might upset him but nothing could do that right now. he was too happy. walking over to stand beside her, he took her hand and laced their fingers together. "what is it, love?" the younger male looked at her, a smile appearing on his ruggedly handsome face. he hadn't shaved since the wedding and didn't plan on shaving any time soon, so the whiskers on his face were getting longer as the time went by. "you should know you can tell me anything. right?" there had never seemed to be a time that she couldn't, so why would she avoiding his eyes now? why was she acting so squirmy and completely at odds with herself? this made no sense to the man, so he became quiet and just stood there at her side until she was ready to talk about what was eating at her.

Katie: immediately closed her eyes the moment Theo laced their fingers together. The actress stayed there for just a mere minute before she took a couple of steps backwards, retrieving her hand in the process. Her heart was in the verge of breaking, knowing that after she told him what had happened he would probably hate her and want nothing to do with her and that was something she wasn’t going to be able to bare. She loved him, with everything she had. She was only human, someone who felt too much and would get caught up easily in her emotions. “Bradley came to my room minutes before the ceremony, saying all of these things.. “ She made a pause and took a deep breath as she looked up, trying to control herself. “He kissed me.. and I kissed him back.” Her voice broke in the last word. “But I stopped him after that and asked him to go, and I’m sorry, I can’t believe I allowed that to happen on our wedding day. I’m so sorry, I love you and I know I should’ve said something sooner but I didn’t want to ruin our day and I just.. I’m sorry.”

Theo: wasn't sure what to say, or how to feel really, so he didn't say anything. just stood there watching her for a long period of time. his hands slipped into the pockets of his khakis and balled into fists, mostly so that he didn't reach out and shake the life out of her. "well.." he said first then closed his mouth, his teeth clenched together while he tried to piece together what he was thinking. mostly it was jumbled and some question marks, some exclamation points, if a mind could really go completely on the blitz. "so.. on our wedding day.. our fucking wedding day.. you just decide hey, it's cool go KISS MY EX BOYFRIEND.' the last words came out at almost a yell and he didn't care. a few heads turned towards them but he didn't care about that either. "you.. you always claimed that i'd be the one to do something stupid with Shailene but YOU.." his hand came out of his pocket and pointed at her, his eyes glaring at her now. "you are the one to fuck us up. you, Katherine." god, he felt like such a fool right now. he had given her his heart and everything else he had to give. and for what? for her to cheat on him on their wedding day. a bitter laugh escaped his lips as he turned to walk away, not wanting to look at her but then he stopped once he was at leave five feet away. "i have something to tell you as well," he said in a loud voice but didn't continue until she was looking fully at him.

Katie: pursed her lips, flinching at every word that was been thrown at her. They ripped through her skin as if he were shooting real daggers. It hurt more than she could ever put into words. Her lower lip was trembling, every single emotion washing over her. And she knew that she wouldn’t be able to hold herself together for long. “Do you think I PLANNED it? Like okay, I’m going to call my ex boyfriend on my wedding day and just kiss him. NO! Theo, god, who do you think I am? The kiss lasted a few seconds, I was caught up by surprise and I know it’s not an excuse but I STOPPED it, I married YOU because, I love YOU. I know I made a mistake, and trust me it’s hurting like hell because the last thing I would ever want is to hurt you. Hurting you is like hurting myself. Sometimes shit happens, sometimes life throws some curveballs at you and it takes a second to actually know how to react. And I’m sorry, okay?! You have no idea how sorry I am.” She knew that there were people staring now, but it’s not like she could give a damn. The only thing she wanted was to make her point. “What is it?” She was trying to hold back unshed tears as she finally looked up at him.

Theo: "did you seriously just try to give me the 'sometimes you make mistakes' bullshit?" his anger was now apparent in the shaking of his body, the way that his eyes were pure dark chocolate fire. "making a mistake would have been putting my uncle Harold next to your aunt Sylvia. a mistake would have been ordering the wrong foods or forgetting where we left the god damn wedding rings." his words were now rushing out, his breath hitching in anger. his blood was boiling in his veins and the hatred - god, so much of it - was starting to make it's way to his heart. a heart that had been beating for her, for their son, for their unborn child, for the future they had started to make together. now it was splintering into a million pieces. "THOSE ARE FUCKING MISTAKES," he yelled out at her now. sucking in a breath to try to calm himself, he slid his hands back into his pockets before his lips tugged into a sardonic smile. "remember when i talked to your mother for Christmas? how i seemed upset over something?" none of what he was going to say was exactly true, except for the part about her mother. but for a reason he couldn't understand, he wanted to hurt her just as bad as she was hurting him. so he spoke lies, wove them together with the truth, to make it seem as real as possible. "well, she had told me that if we weren't married before Easter that she was never going to put Kian in any of the family things. he wouldn't be acknowledged as her grandson." now he let out a laugh, a laugh that had him all but curling up on himself. "so i married you. not because i wanted to but because of Kian."

Katie: Just when she was about to response to his previous accusations, Katie immediately froze after hearing his last words. Chills ran down her spine. And just like that, her heart broke into a tiny million pieces. Just like that she felt how entire life, her entire future shattered without her being able to do anything to stop it. She felt sick in her stomach, feeling nauseous even, and it didn’t have to do with morning sickness or anything even remotely close. But right now she felt like he had opened a wound that would never close. Her lips started trembling, and tears soon followed. She was just staring at him, sniffing, not being able to utter a single word. The shock and the heart break were too much to bare. Every single inch of her body was in pain, physical pain too. “Great.” Katie said with a bitter chuckle, shaking her head from side to side. “So nothing was true then, every single thing I vowed in that ceremony came from the love I have for you, I meant every single word... but you? You come with the holier-than-thou attitude for a MISTAKE, I made, yes it was A FUCKING MISTAKE, something I didn’t plan, something I didn’t SEARCH FOR, but yet.. you come here and tell me that you only married me because of Kian, not because it was something YOU wanted.. all those things you said on the ceremony, such lies!” She was yelling now, but she didn’t care. “At least I didn’t lie to you, I was honest! Oh my god..” Katie took in a deep breath, her hands shaking while she tried to grab her bag. “I want a divorce.. or a fucking annulment.”

Theo: ignored everything she said, he wasn't in the mood to keep up this dance of misery they had going on, so he nodded his head along to her demand of a divorce or annulment. "that sounds perfectly fine to me. i'll go back to New York and start the paperwork and let my lawyer know that you will send him your whereabouts so that he can fax them to you so that you can sign them." even if the words were being said, everything inside him was fighting him to take it back. to tell her he had lied, to tell her that she was everything to him and that he loved her more than anything in this damn world but he refused to. he wasn't going to do any of that. he was going to walk away and let her get on with her life, especially since it felt like she didn't want to be with him to begin with. if you wanted to be with one person, were going to marry them, then you didn't kiss someone seconds before your wedding. that was something that Theo couldn't condone or forgive. "have a nice flight, Katie, and a nice life." turning his back on her, he picked up the bags that belonged to him and walked away, not giving her another glance.

Katie: the coldness in his eyes, and in his response broke her heart even more - as if such thing were even possible to begin with - how could things have fallen apart in such a blink of an eye. Had everything been a lie? His feelings for her, everything he had told her, every single moment, every stolen kiss. Had any of it been true? She knew that it had been real for her, all of it. Her heart ached for the man in front of her. She loved him, always had and always would. Is this really how things were going to end with them? She wanted to tell him to stop, to ask him to start over and forget everything the both of them had said. but she knew it wasn't that simple. Especially when she didn't even know where his true feelings lie. So there she was, watching her husband walk away from her, her hand immediately going to her stomach, where her unborn child was growing. The product of love, she had thought. But was it? With a deep breath, Katie grabbed her bag and turned around deciding that she needed to get as far away as she could. She got to the gate and handed her plane ticket. "Have a safe flight Mrs. James, and enjoy your time in Greece." She tried not to flinch at the sound of that name. Greece. Honeymoon for one. What was going to happen now? She knew that only time would tell.

[anavoliselenu]

Dublin street chapter 9

Dru laughed, hugging me close. “You’re crazy… but I love you.”

…The walls closed in on me as my chest squeezed tight. I wheezed trying to draw breath.

I was dying.

The panic attack lasted longer this time, those words refusing to allow me to focus.

Eventually, I struggled through to reality, pushing the memories back and allowing my body to breathe.

When it was over, I wanted to cry more than I had ever wanted to cry in a long time. But crying would only make me weak. Instead I stood up on shaky legs and tread the memories into the kitchen tiles. By the time I changed and slid into bed I pretended it was all forgotten.

***

“You had another panic attack?” the good doctor asked softly.

Why had I mentioned it? Nothing good could come of it. She’d never be able to put a spin on what happened. “Yeah, it doesn’t matter.”

“It does matter, Selena. What triggered this one?”

I stared at my feet. “My friend.”

“Which one?”

My best friend. “Dru.”

“You haven’t mentioned Dru before.”

“No.”

“Why did Dru trigger a panic attack, Selena?”

My eyes slowly lifted to her, raw pain burning through me. “Because she died.” I sucked in a deep breath. “And it’s my fault.”

***

I woke up just before noon and was immediately blasted by memories of the night before. Memories of Justin and the taste of what was possible between us. In an effort to forget, I spent lunch talking around in circles about Adam with Ellie, and fighting off the nerves that kept zinging in my belly every time I thought about Justin’s promise to come see me that night.

I was just getting ready to head in for a bath when Ellie’s phone beeped and she cursed as she scrolled through a message.

“What?” I asked lazily, as I put away our lunch dishes.

“Justin’s been pulled into the office again, he’s missing another family dinner. I’ll have to put up with twenty questions from my mum asking if he’s alright.”

I ignored the disappointed pang in my chest. If Justin was working tonight he wouldn’t be coming over after all. I should be freaking rejoicing. “Your mom really looks out for him, huh?”

“Well Justin’s mum is a selfish, vain, money-grabbing witch who flitted in and out of his life whenever it suited her. He hasn’t seen her in years. So… yes. My mum looks out for him because his own mum doesn’t.”

How could his mother not care about him? He was Justin Carmichael for Christ sake. “That’s unbelievable. I can’t imagine doing that to my own kid.” Not that I’d be having any.

Ellie gave me her sad eyes. “Justin looks a lot like our dad. Justin’s mum, Evelyn, really loved him. He ended things with her abruptly. Settled some money on her. When she told him she was pregnant, he said he’d look after Justin, but he didn’t want anything to do with her. When she looks at Justin, all she sees is the man who broke her heart and so she’s never been very loving. Ever. Justin spent the school years at home in Edinburgh with a distant but controlling father, and his summers flying around Europe watching his mum hook up with rich idiots who didn’t have time for kids.”

My heart ached for little boy Justin.

And I made the mistake of letting it show on my face.

“Oh, Selena…” Ellie breathed. “He’s okay, you know.”

I don’t care. I jerked back from her soft expression. “I don’t care.”

Her lips pinched together but she didn’t say anything. Instead she stood up, and when she walked by me she squeezed my shoulder.

I stared at the sink, wondering how I’d managed to do this to myself. Where had the mask gone that kept everyone at bay? Why did it keep slipping off whenever Ellie or Justin were around?

Feeling out of sorts, I grabbed my phone and headed into the bathroom to soak in the tub and drown it all out with some tunes, but as I was getting undressed, my phone rang.

Justin Calling.

I stared open-mouthed at the screen, trying to decide whether or not to answer it. I let it ring out.

It rang again.

And I just stared at it again.

Two minutes later as I sank into the tub, thinking I’d escaped, Ellie banged on the bathroom door. “Justin says pick up the phone!”

My phone rang and I closed my eyes. “Fine!” I yelled back and reached over for it. “What?” I answered.

His deep chuckle rolled over me seductively. “Hello to you too.”

“What do you want, Justin? I’m in the middle of something.”

“Ellie says you’re in the bath,” his voice was low. “Wish I was there, babe.”

I could almost feel him there. “Justin. What. Do. You. Want?”

He gave a huff of amusement. “Just thought I’d call to let you know I can’t make it tonight.”

Thank you, Jesus!

“I’m having a problem with a few suppliers on this development and it put us back a few weeks. I don’t know when I’ll be free this week, but I guarantee the moment I get some time, I’m coming to see you.”

“Justin, don’t do that.”

“After last night, there’s no denying the promise of what’s between us. I’m not backing off, so rather than coming up with a new defense – which I’m sure I’d find highly entertaining – just give in, babe. You know you’re going to eventually.”

“Have I mentioned how annoying and arrogant you are?”

“I can still smell and taste you, Selena. And I’m still f**king hard.”

My stomach flipped and I squeezed my legs together. “God, Justin…” I breathed without thinking.

“I can’t wait to hear you say that while I’m inside you. See you, babe.”

And after that parting line, he hung up.

I groaned, my head falling back against the tub.

I was so screwed.

~12~

You know on those nature shows when the cute little meerkat is strolling along on its four cute little meerkat legs to get back to her burrow where all her little meerkat politics, drama and family await her, and this big-ass eagle comes swooping overhead…?

The smart little meerkat runs for cover and waits that big-ass eagle out.

Some time passes, and the meerkat finally decides the eagle got bored and went off to scare the crap out of some other cute little meerkat. So, the meerkat crawls out from her hidey-hole to carry merrily on her way.

And just when that little meerkat thought she was home free, that big-ass eagle swoops down and catches her in his big-ass claws.

Well… I know exactly how that little meerkat felt…

***

Justin didn’t call again, or text, or email. I spent the next few days keeping busy, fighting with my manuscript, erasing chapters that an eighth grader could have written, cleaning the apartment from top to bottom, and taking advantage of the distraction that was the Edinburgh Festival with Ellie. We hit the Theatre Big Top in The Meadows to catch the show, The Lady Boys of Bangkok, and damn, were those some pretty boys, went to the Edvard Munch exhibit out in the west of the city at The Scottish National Gallery of Modern Art, and we bought cheap tickets to this young, up and coming comedian who was stuck in a dingy room in the dated building of the Student Union at the university main campus. Being in the union brought back a lot of memories of Rhian, James and I hanging out in there. I tried to let myself enjoy the crowds of the festival, the tourists everywhere, the smell of coffee, and beer, and hot food everywhere. Peddlers on the sidewalk, peddling their wares—jewelry, posters, random mementos, flyers everywhere.

I also paid a traumatizing visit to my therapist and spoke about Dru for the first time.

Yeah. I didn’t want to think about it.

Suffice to say by the time Thursday rolled around I’d managed to convince myself that Justin had only been playing with me. After all, if he’d been serious he would have at least texted me to make sure I hadn’t forgotten him, but nope. Nothing. Nada.

I’d changed my shifts at work from Thursday, Friday, to Friday and Saturday nights so I was free to hang out at home. When Ellie told me she was staying with her mom that night because she felt like hanging out with her family, I stupidly didn’t think anything of it. I was unprepared. I was relaxed, thinking Justin had forgotten about me.

I stuck my stupid head out of my stupid hidey-hole.

That’s when Justin swooped in like a big-ass eagle.

The apartment was silent except for the sitting room, where I was curled up on an armchair, sipping from a glass of wine and watching Zack Snyder’s 300. I realize now what a bad idea that had been. All those rippling muscles and the languid side-effect of the wine… I blamed it all for what happened next.

“You know you should really lock the door when you’re home alone.”

“Shit!” I jumped, spilling wine all over my jeans. I shot out of the chair, glaring at Justin who stood in the doorway, looking un-amused. What did he have to be pissed about? His favorite jeans hadn’t just gotten ruined! “Jesus C, Justin, for the last time would you freaking knock!”

His eyes dropped to my stained jeans before flicking back to my face. “If you promise to lock the door when you’re home alone.”

I grew still, taking in his serious expression. Was he… concerned about me? I frowned, and dropped my gaze as I put my almost empty glass on the coffee table. “Fine,” I murmured, unsure of what to do with that.

“Ellie’s gone for the night.”

My eyes shot to his face and I found him watching me intently. He was wearing a suit, but he looked a little rumpled, like he’d been working for hours and had come to see me without making a pit stop. My stomach flipped as realization dawned. “Did you orchestrate that?”

The left side of his mouth quirked up. “For future reference, Ellie can be bought with a box of champagne truffles.”

I was going to kill the traitor.

Especially because Justin looked so damn good. That and the fact that the costume department for 300 had done a number on my libido caused the hormonal wreck that stood before Justin. I willed myself to take Dr. Pritchard’s advice and stop thinking fifty steps ahead. I told myself all the time that I was living life in the present because planning a future was just so terrifying. But while I lived my life in the present, I constantly worried about what awaited me tomorrow, and I think the good doctor was suggesting I take my own damn advice and live for today.

But with Justin?

It was too dangerous. I already knew I didn’t want a relationship with him.

“I take it you weren’t expecting me?” Justin asked as he settled himself on the couch.

Not wanting to appear intimidated, I slipped back into my seat on the armchair. “No. I managed to convince myself through wishful thinking that we were done with whatever that was that happened before…”

He shrugged out of his jacket. “You mean when I dry humped you against a wall?”

My jaw locked with irritation. If he’d been a character in a book, I would have hated his dirty mouth. As it was, my body loved his dirty mouth. No need to tell him that. “You know, Justin, I’ve watched you over the last few months and you’re such a gentleman to everyone but me. What’s with that?”

“I want you in my bed. Gentlemen are boring in bed.”

Good point. “Gentlemen are gentlemen in bed. They make sure you’re having a good time.”

“I’ll make sure you’re having a good time, and that you’re okay with everything we’re doing. I just won’t be well-mannered about it.”

Stomach flip, belly squeeze. “I thought we already discussed this. You and I are not happening.”

He frowned at me, leaning forward, his elbows on his knees and his hands clasped together between them. His shirt sleeves were rolled up again. It was like he knew what that did to me. “We haven’t discussed anything.”

I sighed heavily. “Justin, I like you, I do. Yeah, you’re an overbearing ass and you say whatever is on your mind without filtering out the filth, but you seem like a good guy, and you’re a good brother to Ellie.” Our eyes caught, and I almost flinched at the pang of attraction that zinged across my chest. “Ellie has become a really good friend and I love living with her here. I don’t want to mess that up. And I don’t want to be in a relationship. With anyone.”

He looked at me so long in silence, I didn’t know if he was actually going to ever respond. I had just decided it might be best to leave the room and Justin to his thoughts, when he relaxed back against the couch. His eyes darkened. I knew that look. Uh oh. “Good thing I’m not proposing a relationship.”

It was safe to say I was completely confused. “Well, what are you proposing?”

“Just sex.”

What? “What?”

“You and me. Just sex. Whenever we want. No strings attached.”

“Just sex,” I repeated, feeling the words roll around my mouth and brain. Just sex. Sex with Justin whenever I wanted with no strings attached. “What about everything else? Ellie, the apartment, the whole gang hanging out?”

Justin shrugged. “None of that has to change. We’ll be friends who hang out and have sex with each other.”

“And what would we tell people?”

“It’s nobody’s bloody business.”

I tilted my head, exasperated. “I meant Ellie.”

“The truth.” He eyed me carefully. “I don’t lie to my sister.”

“She won’t like it.”

Justin chuckled. “I don’t give a flying f**k if Ellie likes it or not. In fact, I’d prefer it if my wee sister stayed clear of my sexual business.”

“That’ll be kind of hard since the person you want to have sex with lives with her.”

That didn’t bother him in the least. “Your bedrooms are on opposite sides of the flat. And you can always visit my bed in my flat.”

Hmm. Justin’s apartment. I was curious to see it.

No! No, stop it! “I can’t.”

“You can’t, or you won’t?” his eyes narrowed dangerously.

Stomach flip, belly squeeze. I closed my eyes. I could feel his body pressed against mine again, feel his tongue stroking mine, and his hand gentle but firm against my breast. Oh God. My eyes flew open and I found his gaze had softened on me. “Just sex?”

I could tell he was trying to stifle a smile, like he knew he was winning. “Well… almost.”

What? “Almost?”

“I need someone to accompany me to business dinners and whatever inane social events Morag has scheduled me to appear at. It would be nice to go with someone who wasn’t expecting a marriage proposal or a diamond necklace at the end of the night.”

“That’s not just sex. That’s like an arrangement. Like the arrangement you usually have with all those Barbies you date. Which brings me to why me? Justin, you’ve got a lot of money and you’re not exactly hard on the eyes—although I doubt you need me telling you that and giving you something else to be a cocky bastard about—so why not go out and get one of those tall, skinny blondes who will jump at the chance of jumping you?”

Surprise flashed across Justin’s face and he dipped his head down. “One: because they need me to care about them. They want me to talk about my feelings, and they want me to buy them shit. We’re talking about taking that out of the picture, which works for both of us. And two: seriously?”

I frowned, wondering what he was ‘seriously-ing’ me at.

“Well,” he shook his head, grinning now, “You always surprise me.”

“How’s that?”

“I just assumed you knew how sexy you are. Apparently you don’t.”

Wow. I flushed inwardly and rolled my eyes at him, like his words hadn’t penetrated my steel armor. “Whatever.”

My blasé answer didn’t deter him. He was determined to answer my question. “No, you don’t look like my usual woman. And yes, I like long legs. And yours are short.”

I glowered at him now.

Justin grinned. “And yet they still gave me a semi-hard on in the taxi when you were wearing those little shorts. And again when you wore them at Elodie’s and Clark’s.”

My mouth dropped open. “You’re lying.”

He shook his head, enjoying himself. “You’ve got great legs, Selena. An amazing smile when you use it on occasion. And fantastic tits. And yeah, I usually date blondes. But you’re a blonde. I think.” He laughed when my glower turned full on glare. “Doesn’t matter about the color. You never wear it down, and I can’t get the thought of you beneath me, and that hair spread out across my pillow while I move inside you, out of my head.”

Oh. God.

“But I think mostly it’s your eyes. I want something from them no one else gets from them.”

“And what’s that?” I asked, my voice low, almost hoarse. His words had affected me as deeply as any aphrodisiac.

“Soft.” His own voice had deepened with the highly sexual atmosphere. “Soft the way only a woman’s can be after she’s come for me.”

I gulped inwardly. Outwardly, I tilted my head to the side with a wry grin. “You’re good with the words, I’ll give you that.”

“I’m good with my hands. Will you let me give you that?”

I laughed and his grin widened, wicked and beautiful. I sighed, and shook my head again. “It sounds like more than just sex, Justin. You’re asking for companionship. That’s complicating things.”

“Why? It’s just two friends going on a few dates and having sex afterwards.” He sensed my unmoving doubt on that one because he shrugged. “Look, when have I ever gotten serious about a woman? I want you, you want me. It’s hanging over what should have been a perfectly nice friendship, so let’s just deal with it.”

“But adding date nights into it? Doesn’t that extend the time period on this thing?”

I thought I saw a flash of annoyance in his eyes, but it was gone with a flicker of his lashes. “You want to put a time period on it?”

“A month.”

And then he grinned, realizing I was giving in.

Shit. I was giving in.

“Six.”

I snorted. “Two.”

“Three.”

We stared at one another and as if it suddenly occurred to us we were talking about how long we were intending to explore a sexual relationship with each other, the already hot tension between us burned deeper, and thickened the air. It was like someone had lassoed a rope around the two of us and was tugging and tugging, trying to draw us closer. An image of us in my bed, naked and writhing, flashed across my mind and my body instantly responded. Panties sufficiently damp, my ni**les joined the party and tightened—visibly. Justin’s eyes dropped to my br**sts and started to smolder before they returned to my face.

“Done,” I murmured.

His next question was unexpected but practical. “Are you on the pill?”

I’d had irregular, heavy periods so yes I was on the pill to stop that. “Yes.”

“Have you been checked?”

I knew what he meant. And after my last sexual encounter and the whole not remembering what the hell had happened, yeah… I’d been checked for STDs. “Yes. Have you?”

“After every relationship.”

“Then I guess we’re good to go.”

The words were barely out of my mouth before Justin was standing above me, his large hand reaching out for mine, his face determined, serious. His eyes blazing.

“What? Now?” I squeaked, totally unprepared.

He cocked an eyebrow. “You want to wait?”

“I just… I thought I’d have time to get ready.”

“Get ready?”

“You know… perfume, nice lingerie…”

With a grunt of amusement, Justin took hold of my wrist and hauled me out of my chair. My small body slammed into his and his arms came instantly around me, holding me to him. A hand slid down my hip and around to my butt. He squeezed it lightly and pressed me against him, his erection hard against my belly. I stifled a moan, tilting my head back to meet his eyes. They glittered down at me. “Babe, nice lingerie is for seducing a man. I’m already f**king seduced.”

“Okay, but-”

His mouth cut me off, crushing against mine, his tongue seeking immediate entry. His kiss was deep and wet and it said ‘this isn’t a date, this is sex’. That was fine by me. I groaned and slid my arms up around his neck and Justin took that as my acquiescence.

One minute I was on the ground, the next I was in Justin’s arms, my legs around his waist, my hands in his hair as we kissed and bit and nipped and licked at each other’s mouths, learning the taste and feel of one another.

“Fuck,” Justin responded, the burr of the word vibrating against my lips.

No time to complain about him leaving my mouth, I felt the air blow through my hair and we were moving into the hall, down the hall, into my bedroom and then I was falling. I hit the mattress with a surprised ‘oof’ and stared up at Justin indignantly. “Was that necessary?”

“Strip,” he answered gruffly, unbuttoning his shirt with quick, nimble fingers.

My sex clenched. My jaw did too. “Excuse me?”

He stopped what he was doing and leaned down over me, his hands on either side of my hips on the mattress, his face in mine. “A second proposal: when we’re f**king, you don’t argue with me.”

“Bu-”

“Selena,” he murmured in warning.

My eyes dropped to his mouth, the mouth I wanted back on mine. If that meant not arguing during sex, fine. I’d just argue with him when we weren’t having sex. “Why do you insist on calling me Selena?” I made sure my tone wasn’t argumentative, just curious. Because I was curious.

His lips touched mine, soft, gentle, and he pulled back, those pale blue eyes of his bright with heat. “Selena is a girl’s name. Possibly a tomboy’s name.” He smirked. “Selena, on the other hand, is a woman’s name. A really sexy woman’s name.” He pulled back. “So strip, Selena.”

Okay. He could call me Selena.

I sat up and lifted the hem of my shirt, pulling it up and over my head. I threw it across the room and took a moment to watch Justin strip out of his own shirt. It dropped to the floor and I watched it, before letting my eyes travel back upwards. I smiled in anticipation at the sight of the hard-on tenting his pants, and then my mouth went dry as I took in his naked torso.

Justin worked out. Like really worked out.

The waist of his pants hung low showing off his flat stomach and the sexy v-cut of his muscles there. I bit my lip. I wanted to touch him. My eyes followed his six-pack up to a strong chest and broad-shoulders. And it was all nicely wrapped up in unblemished golden skin.

“Fuck, Selena.” I looked up and found his gaze blazing even brighter than before. “If you keep looking at me like that, this is going to be over far sooner than I’d like.”

Hmm. I liked that. I liked that I had power over him. “Well, we can’t have that.” I grinned saucily, and reached around to undo my bra. The cold air hit my naked br**sts as I dropped the bra off the side of the bed and this time I was treated to Justin’s perusal.

His eyes drifted from my chest to my face and suddenly he looked a little angry. I stiffened in surprise. “Do you know what it’s been like for me since that day in the flat? Sitting across from you in bars, at dinner, knowing that underneath all the attitude is every man’s f**king fantasy.”

Oh, he was good.

His eyes narrowed as he reached for the buttons and zip on his suit pants. The zip slid down loudly. “I’m going to make you pay for making me wait to have you.”

The throbbing between the legs got worse. Sounds good.

I reached up and unwound my hair, letting it fall around my shoulders in all its glory, shivering as the need in Justin’s eyes sharpened. “Fine,” I agreed huskily.

I don’t know which one of us got our pants off faster after that, but one minute I was trying to take back some control with all my sexy attitude and hair. The next minute I was panty-less on my back, my br**sts pressed against Justin’s chest, my thighs spread open to accommodate him between my legs… and I was staring up into his eyes, breathless with anticipation.

“What are you waiting for?” I murmured.

His gave me a wry smile. “For you to back out.”

I huffed in annoyance. “I’m naked aren’t I?”

“So? You have been before.”

“Justin!” I hit his shoulder as he chuckled softly, and his laughter caused his lower body to move–that long, thick, delicious c**k of his sliding down over my belly and back up again.

I gasped at the pulse of pleasure the tease of the action caused and Justin groaned in answer, his lips falling on mine. I’m sure the kiss was meant to be slow, sexy, tormenting. It started out that way. But weeks of forestalling this moment had made us both a little impatient. The kiss grew aggressive, bruising, my hands gripping tight to his hair, his hands kneading my waist, my ribs, my br**sts. My br**sts were particularly sensitive, and when his thumb brushed my nipple, my hips jerked against him.

“You like that, babe,” he murmured, not really asking since the answer was obvious. His lips trailed kisses down my jaw and neck, my hands slipping out of his hair to his shoulders as he stopped at my right breast. He placed a soft, deliberate kiss to the rise of it and I swear I stopped breathing. Another kiss. Another.

“Justin…” I begged.

I felt him smile against my breast just before I felt the wet heat of his tongue against my nipple as his lips closed around it, drawing it in deep. A sharp lance of lust shot through my sex. “God, Justin!”

He did the same to the other breast and I found myself tilting my hips into his, more impatient it seemed than even he was. Then again, it had been longer for me.

“Babe,” his voice rumbled above me as his hand slid down to my hip, stilling me. “Are you wet for me yet, Selena?”

Yes. God yes. “Justin…”

“Answer me.” I could feel his hand moving downwards; felt the graze of his fingers high on my inner thigh, teasing me. “Tell me you’re wet for me.”

When I thought about this afterward, I couldn’t believe I wasn’t embarrassed by his question, or his demand. Or how turned on I was giving into that demand. I’d never had a lover speak dirty to me during sex, but it was working for me. “I’m wet for you,” I whispered against his mouth.

Satisfied he kissed me, a deep, exploring kiss, and his tongue slid over mine as his fingers travelled an inch higher. I jerked at the first touch of them brushing against me. No one else’s fingers had been down there in a while. In response Justin’s kiss grew harder, his touch gentler. My lips broke from his in a moan as he slid his thumb into me, finding my clit and pressing down on it.

“Baby, you’re so f**king wet,” he groaned, his head falling to the bed beside mine, his lips on my neck as his thumb slid out of me, replacing it with two thick fingers that slipped slowly inside my channel. My knees fell open as I reached for more, my hands clinging to Justin’s naked back as I surged up for that ‘more’.

“More,” I pleaded.

And he gave me more, thrusting his fingers in and out of me. He rose up on his other arm to look down at my face as he worked me towards orgasm.

“Yes,” I sighed, feeling it coil and tighten.

And then his fingers were gone.

“What-”

“You’re not coming until I’m inside you,” he told me, his features harsh with need as he pinned my hands to the bed. “I want to feel you come around me.”

Well I wasn’t going to argue with that.

I held onto my sigh of pleasure at the feel of his throbbing c**k at my entrance. He rubbed against me, teasingly, and I wanted to grab his ass and force him inside. But he held tight to my wrists, grinning as if he knew exactly what I was thinking. As torture, he circled his hips, teasing me more.