#Andrew why do you have so much merch for a song you didn’t even play!!!!!

[archiveofyearning]

went to see hozier today and he didn’t play first time so guess i’ll die

[letsgetusaghostfriend]

A Green Day concert, a bloody nose and a coming out – Sunset Curve & Green Day I

Summary: Luke and Bobby got them tickets for the Green Day show in LA on November 2nd 1994, also known as the night Billie Joe punched a homophobe and Alex came out to the guys.

Friendship fic, super Alex & Bobby centred, Luke and Reggie are not straight but don’t know that yet. Also, I know most people think Alex came out way earlier, but he has to not be out for this story to work.

((warnings: homophobia, homophobic language (not fully written out except in the band name of the opening act), slight violence, mentioned: alcohol, underage drinking (I am german, so for me it’s not underage drinking but yeah), in general: swearing))

word count: 4.9k, read here on AO3 x

~

Luke and Bobby got four tickets for the Green Day show in LA on November 2nd in 1994, it was one of Green Day’s bigger shows at that time. The boys previously have been to other concerts of the band, but the last one was in a small club in ’92, of course, all four of them being way too young for that place. Luke and Reggie were the first ones out of their group to get fake ID’s, mainly to go to gigs and play gigs. In the beginning, Alex thought he would never do the same, too scared of possible consequences, but then Luke used his stupid puppy eyes. (They still work even after Alex crush died, dead and buried). And if he was being honest, it was really helpful for playing clubs if the owners can at least pretend that they believe the four boys are old enough to be there.

Alex was aware that Green Day’s opening act, Pansy Division, was an all-gay band. And he was excited and scared at the same time. He found out because this one kid in his English class, Josh, went to the San Diego show earlier that week and told one of his friends that he shouldn’t go to the LA show as Green Day was just a bunch of “f*g lovers” and not worth their time. So Alex was scared: what if his friends would say the same thing?

They arrive late and the line is massive, Alex anxiety pitches in and reminds him that if it takes too long for them to get inside, he might miss Pansy Divisions performance. Logically he knows that they wouldn’t start letting people in so late that the opening band already starts when most people are not inside yet, but his anxiety is not that into logical thinking. He can’t help being fidgety, at one point Luke noticed and asks him if the crowd is making him uncomfortable. “Yeah, a little bit” Alex responds, not wanting further questions about why he was so anxious. The boys keep close to the bar, staying in the back first, not too excited to get into the crowd just yet. Alex knows the others would be inside the first mosh pit if it wasn’t for his anxiety, but not once did they show any signs of annoyance about his hesitancy. They just patiently wait for Alex to get used to the crowd and atmosphere, never angry when he has a bad day and he never signals that it is okay for them to go into the more crowded areas. Sometimes, especially when Luke doesn’t know where to put his energy he and Reggie go, but they always make sure that at least one person stays with Alex. He probably should tell them how thankful he is for this more often (the others would disagree here since they feel like Alex thanks them too much).

When Pansy Division started playing Alex didn’t expect them to actually sing about hooking up with guys at rock concerts, loving men, having real, deep and meaningful relationships and just, in general, doing normal daily life stuff, living with a boyfriend and how it feels after a breakup. He feels so excited, almost jumping up and down to the beat, not able to put his excited energy out on the drums like he would if it was their own concert. Alex completely forgets to check the guys for any reactions, too involved in the music. He doesn’t see that the other three boys enjoy Pansy Divisions music just as much as he does. He doesn’t see Bobby eyeing him from the side, a knowing glint in his eye.

Alex doesn’t know that Bobby saw the way Alex would look at Luke when they were 14, at Brian from History when they were 15, and how he sometimes looks at pictures from Billie Joe Armstrong in magazines. Bobby also didn’t miss Alex’ obsession with the song Coming Clean. The other boys sometimes forget about how Bobby’s parents are genuine open-minded people, who introduce him to a lot more diverse people than his friends’ parents do. So yes, maybe Alex was discreet enough for Mr Luke Oblivious Patterson and Captain Reg Oblivious Peters, and his parents who anyway only see what they want to see, but not for Bobby. Bobby, who might from an outsider’s perspective looks like he is standing a bit outside this friendship group due to him being less loud and sociable than his friends, but Bobby who loves his friends with all his heart, Bobby who truly sees his friends and knows that this is where he belongs. Seeing the absolute bliss, happiness and excitement streaming from Alex like waves is contagious.

After Pansy Division finished their set and there was a short break before Green Day would start theirs, Bobby slips from their group, mumbling that he would get another beer. Instead, he goes to buy Pansy Divisions EP, because the band was genuinely good but mostly because he knows Alex wouldn’t buy it, but he will definitely want it. On his way to the little corner where they sell the Green Day merch as well as Pansy Division stuff, Bobby realises that it was actually packed, but he soon saw that it was just a long long line for the Green Day merch. Actually, there are so many people he can’t even see the Green Day merch salesperson. He manages to get to the guy who took care of the Pansy Division stuff, he greets him with a head nod and a short “hey”, while scrambling his money out of his pant pockets to count it. He’ll have to nick a bit off of Luke’s beer later, not having enough money left to buy another one. When he reaches out to hand out the money for the CD somebody joins the guy who cared for the merch. Bobby recognises that it’s the singer of Pansy Division and he smiles at him. “Great performance, really enjoyed you guys’ music!”. The singer grins at that and holds out his left hand, which Bobby finds a bit strange, but takes it nonetheless.

“Jon, nice to meet you.”

“Bobby, pleasure is all mine.”

“Ah, you’re a musician yourself!” Jon says while checking out Bobby as if he could tell whether the kid in front of him was any good based on his appearance. It took the guitarist a second to realise that Jon must’ve felt his calloused fingers from playing the guitar during the handshake. “Yeah, I’m actually here with my bandmates.” A voice in his head, that sounds suspiciously like Reggie tunes in with “We’re Sunset Curve, tell your friends.” But Bobby pretty much felt like a child trying to play in the adults’ league, so he doesn’t say anything else. Jon grabs the CD he was about to buy and opens it while asking “So Bobby, is the CD for you or someone else?” Taken aback by that question Bobby tells him without thinking “We kind of always share records. Em, so maybe Sunset Curve?” Jon who was about to sign the inside of the CD case, pauses and looks up again “You’re in Sunset Curve?”

“Yeah, rhythm guitar.” He answers without much of a thought, it takes him two seconds then he adds: “You’ve heard of us?” Jon chuckles at Bobby’s shocked tone.

“Saw you play a few months ago. Didn’t remember your name till Mike mentioned one of your songs, always called you “the band with the cute drummer” actually.” Jon casually explained to a still shell-shocked Bobby. The comment about Alex makes him choke on his own spit though. Jon smirks, but before he can say more Bobby’s mouth starts talking before his brain gave its okay: “You saw us well enough to say that Alex is cute, but you didn’t recognise me?” After the words left his mouth, he feels his face heat up.

‘Way to embarrass yourself by having too much of an ego, Robert, great job’, he thought to himself. But Jon again laughs it off, as if he made a funny joke, smirks and asks if Alex was here tonight.

“He is,” Bobby says, voice cold, “he is also sixteen.”

Now it was Jon’s time to look embarrassed. “Oh shit, never mind then.” He pauses. “Sixteen is a bit young to play that club you played, isn’t it?” He pauses again. “You guys take this whole music thing seriously, I like that!”

More at ease again after Jon’s reaction to Alex’ age, Bobby’s brain finally catches up with everything Jon said before he called Alex cute.

“Wait, Mike as in Mike Dirnt? As in Mike Dirnt mentioned one of our songs?” he asks astounded. Jon laughs at the utter bewilderment that the younger one’s face was showing. But before he could say something about it a loud voice behind Bobby sneers: “Oh look at that, Bobby the f*g lover.” He turns around and sees Andrew from his math class. “Always knew at least one of you would be a shirt lifter!”

Bobby tries to take a deep breath before he answers but Jon beats him to it. “I would really think people were clever enough to listen to lyrics, but you still find the poser ones at these concerts, especially since Dookie got Green Day so popular outside of the scene!” Bobby needed a few seconds to realise that Jon wasn’t even talking to Andrew but instead just talked about him to Bobby and the guy selling the merch.

“Don’t you dare talk to me like that you fucking fairy!” Andrew sneers, stepping closer to Jon. As soon as Andrews anger is directed towards Jon and not Bobby anymore, the guitarists fight instinct kicks in.

“Fairy? Really?” he asks Andrew with a snigger in his voice, “Didn’t know we live in the 50s, Andrew. Learned all these terms from your daddy?” Bobby tries to make his voice sound as degrading as possible. For a second it seems like Andrew might shut up and leave but then Jon starts laughing loudly about Bobby’s comments and before anyone can react Andrew takes a swing and hits Jon right on the mouth. Without thinking, Bobby copies his action and the next thing he knows is that his hand hurts and Andrew has a red square on the side of his face. He glares at the guitarist and strikes again. This time the fist hits Bobby’s nose and he sees black stars in front of his eyes for a few seconds. After that, all hell is breaking loose and Bobby is being pushed around for what feels like a few minutes before he gets pulled aside and finds himself behind the selling booth with Jon by his side who has a busted lip that is still bleeding. Jon has a hand on the teen's shoulder and looks worried at him. “Fuck your nose does not look too good!” he says. Hearing the words Bobby brings his hand up to his nose and winces when he feels a sharp pain as soon as his fingers touch his nose. “Fuuuuuuuuck, Alex is going to kill me!” he groans at the thought of how the blond will react to seeing Bobby like this.

“Hey man, good punch you got on the dickhead there!” an excited voice states beside Bobby, which makes him turn his head probably a bit too quick, considering he just got punched in the face a few minutes before. But the guitarists' instincts were right: standing beside him was no other than Green Days’ singer, Billie Joe Armstrong. The blond (with fading blue in his hair) is smiling at Bobby and continues with “but I think mine was even better” while pointing at something behind Bobby, who turns around just in time to see security carrying a half-conscious Andrew out of the venue.

“You know that guy?”

“He goes to my school!” Bobby answers, still in awe looking after Andrew.

“Oh, you need to tell me about how he looks tomorrow, man I don’t miss high school but I’d love to go to school just to see that!” Billie Joe tells him and Jon, still sounding way too excited. When Bobby turns around again to look at the two musicians in front of him, he catches Jon telling Billie Joe that Bobby is part of the band they talked about the other day. Somehow getting even more excited by the news he fully turns back to Bobby. “Love that! We need more good people in this scene so we can make sure the music stays clean of dudes like that! Well, it was lovely punching homophobes with you Bobby, but I actually have a concert to play!”

And with that Billie Joe is gone through the door leading to the backstage area and Bobby looks at Jon hoping that he can find answers with him (like is he hallucinating?) but he just chuckles at the teenagers in awe face and takes the CD Bobby wanted to buy all along, as well as the money he had already paid and hands both back at the teen with the words “I think you paid enough for this already, thanks for sticking up for me!” And adding, when Bobby tries to give the money back again, “You better go so your bandmates don’t worry and you don’t miss the Green Day show!” Bobby thanks him and with a smile he makes his way back to the other boys while putting the money and the CD into his pockets.

When Alex finally sees Bobby come back to them, he feels relief washing over him. Alex always hates it when they split especially if one of them is on their own and Bobby has been gone for way too long. The first thing Alex notices is that Bobby doesn’t carry any beer or anything else that he could’ve brought from a bar, the second thing is that Bobby’s nose is bleeding. The easing relief is instantly replaced by worry as Alex's brain catches up with his eyes. As soon as the guitarist reaches them Alex starts searching his fanny pack for tissues and anything else that can help with a bloody nose, all while berating Bobby about getting into a fight. Reggie and Luke excitedly ask Bobby about it, but when their bleeding bandmate tries to tell them about what happened Alex just shushes him and gestures for him to look up so that he can take a better look at his nose. While Alex is still cleaning up Bobby’s face the crowd starts cheering and Alex turns around quickly to confirm his suspicion that the main act finally made it on stage. He keeps on cleaning his friends face from now slightly dried blood when he hears Billie Joe's voice over the speakers.

“Sorry guys, I know we’re late, but I had to punch a homophobe…” The rest of the sentence does not reach Alex’ brain as he looks at one of his best friends, whose nose was bleeding after obviously being punched and all he can hear is white noise, while the realisation, that Bobby being the homophobe who was just punched by Green Days’ singer, sets in. He feels a sharp sting in his chest all while feeling overwhelmed by fear, cold naked fear. And his thoughts race through his brain, too fast to actually make any sense, all he knows is that his worst nightmare seems to be coming true: the people he trusts the most will eventually leave him. They will hate him. They will think he is disgusting, and they will leave him. Unconsciously he takes a step back from Bobby, taking both his hands off his friends face but before he can totally spiral into his thoughts, he is caught by Bobby who holds the drummer by his wrists and looks at him like Alex offended him deeply.

“Seriously?” Bobby’s voice comes out sharper than he probably intended, softening his tone as he sees Alex flinch at him, “You actually think I am homophobic? Fuck Alex do you really think that poorly of me?” The guitarists' words and face are both filled with what Alex can only describe as hurt. Bobby attempts to say more but he is cut off by Billie Joe's voice coming over the speakers saying his name.

“A special thanks to Bobby from Sunset Curve! Make sure you check them out they’re a local band that’ll make it big one day, I’ll promise you! I swear, give them less than a year and they’ll be playing here on this very stage! Thanks, Bobby, for helping me punch a dickhead!” And with that they start into their first song, leaving the boys standing completely mind blown in the back, each one trying to comprehend what just happened. After a few seconds, Reggie, Luke and Alex all turn to Bobby with questioning faces, but Bobby concentrates on Alex’ face. “Do you believe me now?” When Alex nods the, still bleeding, guitarist feels relief wash over him. “Good! Because I already have your Christmas present and I literally know no one else who has the same taste that you have!” He actually manages to make Alex smile with his stupid comment, feeling like they might be okay again, he holds onto Alex’ sleeve, needing something to ground him, knowing that Alex is uncomfortable with public affection. He turns to Luke and Reggie who as soon as they have his attention try to bombard him with questions, but he stops them and promises to tell them later.

___

After the concert:

When they leave the venue, a wave of, for L.A. unusually cold air, hits Bobby’s face and clears his head a little, making it easier to think about everything that had happened. As he was the first one out of the four to step out in the cold air, he takes a deep breath before turning around to see the other three boys walk up to him. He notices that Alex pulls his jean jacket tighter around his body, clearly not enjoying the cold air as Bobby does. He smiles at Bobby and then follows Reg and Luke who started walking towards the side street where they parked the van before the concert. The two boys talk animatedly about the Green Days show, analysing every detail. Seeing one of their favourite bands live did distract the two enough for them to not ask any further questions, right now. Alex smile tells Bobby that the same did not count for the blonde boy. Bobby jogs up to Alex to walk beside him, but when he tries to initiate a conversation with his bandmate, the blonde just shakes his head and mumbles, that he has things to think, but as if to calm Bobby down, Alex takes his hand and squeezes it before they reach their van. The van they brought because they actually started to be able to book enough gigs to pay for it (and to actually need it), they all paid for it, even though they don’t talk about the fact that Bobby paid the biggest part, with him having the only parents who actually support the band.

Bobby is driving, with Alex in the passenger seat lost in his thoughts and Luke and Reggie in the back, trying to get Bobby to finally tell them about what happened at the venue. The guitarist promises to tell them as soon as they arrive at the garage, but despite the impatience from Luke and Reggie to find out about everything they still have a quick stop at a small diner on their way home to get their after-concert food.

Alex, Reggie and Luke all go straight for the couch while bobby prefers sitting on the floor, facing them. For a few seconds they all munch happily but soon Luke starts bugging Bobby about what happened at the club, so he puts his sandwich aside and takes a short breath. He doesn’t know where to start, he kind of wants Alex to know that he got the CD for him, but he doesn’t want to put any pressure on Alex, nor does he want the other two to find out about Alex liking boys before Alex wants them to.

“So,” Bobby starts, “we all really liked Pansy Division, right?” he asks with a nervous laugh tinting his words. He looks at the three boys on the couch for confirmation and gets it from two of the boys while Alex looks like he gets scared by the simple indication that he might have really liked the queer band they all saw tonight. Bobby acts like he didn’t see it while deciding, that he won’t tell the blond that Jon was hitting on him. That might be a bit much information for one night. “Well, I thought,” he continues while pulling out the CD he brought earlier “I’ll get us their CD.” He waves the CD then places it on the table in front of the couch so the guys can look at it.

“And that’s where I met one of the band members, Jon, he is the singer.” He looks up at his friends who all stare at him with a mixture of shock and curiosity on their faces, even Alex nervousness seems replaced. ‘I didn’t even get to the really shocking parts yet’, Bobby thought to himself.

“Okay, so we got talking, he found out I play in a band and when he asks for a name to use to sign the CD I just said Sunset Curve, because we always share records, like I mean I don’t even know who owns what anymore!” Luke looks dead serious while nodding his head, Alex starts smiling slightly and Reggie looks like he is trying really hard to separate their shared music collection in his head.

“Anyway, it turns out he saw one of our shows earlier this year and apparently, he was talking about one of our songs with Mike, but before you get too excited, I couldn’t ask him about it because that dick Andrew from my math class interrupted us. He called me a – eh, never mind” he stops himself, giving Alex a short glance – “he started calling me and Jon names and I kind of started making fun of him for using really outdated terms and when Jon laughed about that, Andrew hit him and then I hit Andrew and he hit me back and suddenly everything got crazy. Next thing I know is that I am behind the merch booth with Jon and Billie Joe Armstrong, and Andrew is being carried outside by security.” He tries to rush the words out fast enough so that Luke doesn’t stop him because of the band being recognised and Alex doesn’t stop him because he hit someone.

“And then Billie Joe finds out I am in Sunset Curve and he says something about it being good that more good people will keep the scene going or something and then he pretty much left to play the show and Jon gave me the CD and I went back to you guys so you wouldn’t worry too much.” When he finally finishes his story, he is staring at three really shocked looking faces.

“Mike Dirnt and Billie Joe both know of Sunset Curve?”

“Who knew Bobby is such a badass!”

“You hit Andrew?”

All three started talking at the same time, but then Alex stands up and he looks real mad and everyone else shuts up. Bobby looks at him. “Alex, I didn’t plan to, it just happened. I got so mad when he started calling Jon these awful names and when he hit him, I just snapped.”

“What about our no fighting rule, huh?”

“So, when someone is being super homophobic, I am just supposed to do nothing?”

At that moment Bobby realises that Alex didn’t process until now that Andrew was using homophobic slurs against Bobby and Jon. He sees Alex anger vanish from him in mere seconds, replaced by fear and sadness settling in his eyes. Lips pressed into a thin line Alex sits down on the couch again. It breaks Bobby’s heart to see his friend like this. They all stay silent for a while.

“What did he say?” Alex asks with a voice so quiet Bobby almost misses it.

“Alex,” he sighs, “I am pretty sure you don’t want to know!”

With that Alex's eyes, which were glued to his hands before, snap up and meet Bobby’s. “You know, don’t you?” Alex asks Bobby, seemingly completely forgetting that the other boys are in the room.

Bobby does not know what to answer, not wanting to make Alex come out because he feels like he has to, or because Bobby figured it out already. “I only know what you want me to know, everything else is just a hunch.” He finally settles on.

Alex laughs. “So, you definitely know, and I actually thought I was being subtle.”

“I still love you, you know that, right?” Bobby just needs Alex to know that. Even if this is a weird one, Bobby wants this to be the reaction Alex gets for his first coming out.

It takes Alex a few seconds but finally, he looks up again, searching Bobby’s face for any trace of him lying. As Alex realises that the boy in front of him means what he said he feels like the biggest wave of relief washes over him. This, black-haired, awkward and quiet boy in front of him, who buys CD’s from queer bands, punches one of his classmates because he was being a homophobic bigot to a complete stranger and whose first reaction to Alex half-assed coming out is to tell him that he still loves him. This boy, who is so uncomfortable with most people touching him, who still wants to hold all of their hands all the time, calling them grounding. This boy, who would probably punch more people to protect them because he gets crazy protective about the people he cares about. And suddenly it’s difficult not to start crying and Alex feels like his voice will break if he tries to talk so he just nods.

And in that second, knowing he has Bobby on his side for this, he decides that he wants them all to know. So, he gets up from the couch and “gets on the runway” as Luke likes to call Alex’ nervous walking occasionally. After walking up and down three times, he suddenly stops, turns to Luke and Reg who look super confused by what is happening and he blurts out “Iamgay” so fast that there was no way that any of the guys could’ve understood a single word. So, he takes a deep breath and repeats: “I am gay” while standing there, eyes closed, and breath held.

“Oh, that…” Luke starts, but he gets interrupted by Reggie who says: “That makes so much sense, that is why you were staring at Brian so much last year! That really confused me, man!”

“I was... I was not staring at Brian Denver!” Alex sputters embarrassment creeping in his cheeks.

“You totally were, you even knew who Reg was talking about right away!” Luke laughs and gets up to pull Alex in a big hug, squeezing him tight. Reggie gets a hold of them and pulls them down on the couch where he squeezes between them, and wooshes through Alex’ hair affectionately. Alex, now half sitting on the couch and half lying on Reggie looks up to Bobby, who stands awkwardly in front of the couch. As the other two notice Bobby as well they all kind of freeze in their cuddle pile. Even as Bobby was more comfortable touching his bandmates than he was with touching his parents, or literally anyone else, he still never expressed any interest in being part of a cuddle pile before. Seeing how all of his friends stopped as he approached, the guitarist started taking a step back, but Alex stopped him by holding out his hand for Bobby to take. It takes him a few seconds but finally, he lets himself being pulled on top of Alex into the cuddle pile and even though it feels strange at first he likes the feeling of Alex’ soft t-shirt under his cheek, Reggie’s arm around his waist and the smell of Luke’s cologne.

Later that night Bobby snatches a picture of his best friends still cuddling on the couch hours later, now all fast asleep. He hasn’t shown that picture to anyone except for his daughter when she finds out about the band 25 years later and he decides to tell her about the loves of his life, even if most people wouldn’t recognise them as it since it was purely platonic love. And even though he got married, he never loved anyone as much, with the exception of his daughter, as he loved the three boys who left him when he was just 17 years old.

The next day Bobby snatches a picture of Andrews black eye. He shows that picture to Billie Joe, backstage at an event he attempts without his best friends after the man recognises him as the kid with whom he punched a homophobe. After that Bobby leaves the event early, not being able to hold up the image of Trevor, too consumed by grieve and guilt. Guilt over not being able to protect them. Guilt over not dying with them. Guilt over using their songs.

[evansfm]

𝙨𝙚𝙚 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧𝙨𝙚𝙡𝙛 –– 𝐞𝐯𝐚𝐧 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐥𝐲 .

every  morning  evan  woke  up  to  a  london  sky  that  refused  to  let  the  sun  in  ;  summer  was  drier  than  spring  ,  but  the  clouds  seemed  to  linger  year  round  .  .  .  not  that  she  minded  .  she  had  ,  after  all  ,  grown  up  in  county  dublin  ,  where  things  were  always  a  bit  damp  .  still  ,  the  lack  of  COLOR  could  be  draining  .  .  .  so  she  searched  for  it  in  unexpected  places  ,  creating  little  pockets  of  color  for  herself  in  a  rather  grayscale  world  .  golden  lights  strung  on  her  balcony  ,  isla’s  bright  red  hair  and  matching  smile  ,  an  array  of  bright  letters  boasting  NME  lining  a  wall  ––  covers  from  past  decades  ,  a  rainbow  rubik’s  cube  next  to  her  keyboard  ,  two  framed  photographs  perched  on  her  desk  .  the  first  seemed  like  forever  ago  ,  a  beaming  eloise  with  a  twin  on  either  side  ;  beck  on  the  left  ,  evan  on  the  right  ,  both  planting  kisses  on  her  cheek  one  valentine’s  day  years  and  years  ago  .  the  second  was  more  recent  ,  backstage  at  a  show  in  galway  ;  kieran  sat  in  his  chair  with  his  fingers  intertwined  with  evan’s  as  she  draped  her  arms  over  his  shoulders  from  behind  ,  chin  resting  on  top  of  his  curls  and  a  smile  that  looked  SOFT  compared  to  the  goofy  one  ruairi  wore  ,  looming  behind  her  with  his  chin  on  her  head  .  she  felt  warmth  every  t​​ime  she  looked  at  them  ,  but  there  was  always  a  tug  in  her  stomach  .  .  .  the  undeniable  feeling  of  something  missing  .  she  found  her  little  pockets  of  color  ,  but  they  still  seemed  muted  w​​ithout  the  people  she  loved  ––  the  PERSON  she  loved  .

their  schedules  had  begun  to  clash  ––  and  evan  hated  the  way  she  was  beginning  to  get  used  to  the  dull  ache  of  his  absence  .  distance  had  been  a  part  of  their  relationship  for  months  ,  but  the  time  zones  were  killing  her  .  they  couldn’t  always  make  time  for  hours  wasted  away  on  facetime  ;  she  couldn’t  always  fall  asleep  to  the  sound  of  his  voice  on  the  other  end  of  the  line  .  they  were  both  where  they  were  supposed  to  be  ,  chasing  their  dreams  together  ,  separately  .  .  .  but  evan  was  beginning  to  wonder  if  the  path  she  was  on  ––  the  desk  ,  the  deadlines  ,  the  distance  ––  was  actually  what  she  WANTED  .  there  was  a  lack  of  creative  control  at  nme  ;  she  was  a  part  of  a  greater  whole  ,  confined  to  a  desk  when  she  wasn’t  out  in  the  field  .  she  felt  restless  .  .  .  bored  ,  almost  .  and  with  her  most  recent  deadline  met  and  a  job  of  her  own  ––  evan  connely  ,  sans  nme  ––  waiting  at  the  end  of  the  week  ,  she  was  distracted  .  

“  WHAT  are  you  doing  ?  ”  isla  popped  up  behind  her  ,  coming  out  of  nowhere  to  look  over  her  shoulder  .

“  jesus  ,  ”  evan  startled  ,  nearly  dropping  the  plastic  puzzle  in  her  hand  ,  “  where  t’e  fuck  did  you  come  from  ?  ”

“  charlotte’s  office  .  answer  my  question  .  ”

“  playing  wit’  a  toy  ,  ”  she  held  up  the  half  solved  rubik’s  cube  ,  then  let  out  an  audible  sigh  as  isla  looked  unimpressed  ,  then  jutted  her  chin  towards  the  computer  screen  ,  “  trying  to  put  together  a  mood  board  for  t’is  gig  i’ve  got  wit’  saint  valentine  on  friday  .  ”

perfectly  shaped  auburn  brows  raised  ,  “  we  got  saint  valentine  ?  ”

“  no  ,  ”  evan’s  lips  lifted  into  the  faintest  smirk  ,  “  i  got  saint  valentine  .  ”

“  you’re  bloody  joking  .  shut  UP  ,  ”  isla  gasped  ,  rounding  to  her  side  of  the  table  desk  ,  just  to  roll  her  chair  around  ,  “  and  you  didn’t  fucking  tell  me  ?  ”

“  no  ,  because  you  couldn’t  keep  a  secret  if  you  tried  .”

“  well  that’s  because  it  shouldn’t  be  a  fucking  secret  ,  ev  .  this  is  fantastic  ,  ”  hazel  eyes  widened  with  excitement  ,  “  so  you’re  shooting  them  for  ––  .  .  .  ”

“  t’ey  weren’t  too  explicit  about  it  .  i  know  for  certain  i’m  covering  bot’  shows  at  t’e  o2  ,  documenting  t’e  whole  thing  from  t’e  moment  they  get  there  ,  ”  evan  huffed  a  curl  away  from  her  face  ,  nodding  to  the  screen  ,  “  and  t’en  a  shoot  on  site  at  t’e  venue  .  so  i’ve  got  to  work  wit’  what  i’ve  got  .  i’ve  got  ONE  chance  here  ,  and  nicky  haven  scares  t’e  absolute  fuck  out’a  me  ,  so  i  can’t  blow  it  .  ”

“  nicky  haven  scares  EVERYONE  .  it’s  part  of  h​​is  charm  ,  ”  isla  leaned  in  ,  ma​​king  herself  perfectly  comfortable  in  evan’s  space  as  she  took  the  mouse  and  began  clicking  through  different  ideas  opened  on  photoshop  ,  “  let’s  see  what  you’ve  got  so  far  ––  .  .  .  ”

“  isla  ,  it’s  not  a  big  deal  .  really  i  shouldn’t  even  be  working  on  t’is  HERE  ,  right  now  .  it’s  not  exactly  nme  related  stuff  ,  you  kn––  ”

“  i  TOLD  you  she  was  here  today  ,  ”  a  girl  called  sophie  ,  who  manned  nme’s  front  desk  in  the  mornings  ,  materialized  on  the  other  side  of  evan’s  desk  .  a  junior  writer  ,  andrew  ,  was  hot  on  her  heels  .

“  soph  ,  now  really  probably  isn’t  the  best  time  and  it  really  isn’t  your  busi––  ”

“  someone’s  got  to  show  her  ,  ”  sophie  was  ,  admittedly  ,  obnoxious  .  and  coming  from  EVAN  ,  that  was  a  feat  .

“  show  WHAT  to  WHO  ?  ”  isla’s  voice  changed  in  tone  ,  taking  on  a  hint  of  authority  as  she  looked  at  andrew  ,  “  aren’t  you  meant  to  be  doing  some  social  media  research  right  now  ?  ”

“  i  WAS  ,  but  ––  ”

“  but  we’ve  found  something  that  evan  HAS  to  see  ,  ”  sophie  .  again  .

“  we  ?  ”

“  ME  ?  ”  evan  said  in  tandem  with  isla  ,  brows  lifting  as  she  clicked  the  final  piece  into  place  on  the  cube  .  she  glanced  over  at  isla  and  felt  a  strange  twist  in  her  stomach  when  she  saw  the  redhead  had  gone  rigid  .

“  is  this  about  ––  ”

“  rebecca  stringer  ,  ”  andrew  nodded  solemnly  ,  as  though  evan  was  supposed  to  know  who  the  hell  THAT  was  .

“  better  known  as  BEX  ,  ”  sophie  added  .

it  was  evan’s  turn  to  go  rigid  .  her  back  straightened  ,  and  it  felt  like  ice  had  just  been  shot  through  her  veins  .  truth  be  told  ,  she  was  more  worried  about  conflicting  schedules  lately  .  .  .  not  the  way  bex  sing-songed  a  shortened  version  of  kieran’s  name  .  .  .  or  the  way  she  answered  his  phone  and  simply  couldn’t  remember  who  evan  was  .  .  .  or  the  way  she’d  made  sure  evan  could  hear  her  promise  to  personally  deliver  kieran  to  his  hotel  room  that  first  night  in  los  angeles  .  it  wasn’t  exactly  PLEASANT  being  reminded  of  the  instinct  that  she’d  shut  down  ,  intuition  telling  her  something  wasn’t  quite  right  there  .  her  brows  pinched  together  as  the  rubik’s  cube  slid  from  one  hand  to  the  other  and  back  .  she  glanced  over  at  isla  with  a  prompting  look  .

“  we’re  .  .  .  doing  a  piece  about  nepotism  babies  in  the  industry  ,  and  she’s  a  PERFECT  example  of  one  so  i  was  having  andrew  look  into  the  way  she  interacts  with  fans  and  her  socials  and  what  not  .  she’s  one  of  like  TEN  people  we’re  look​​ing  into  ,  ”  she  explained  with  an  apologetic  look  .  it  was  then  that  she  turned  a  sharp  eye  to  andrew  and  sophie  ,  “  don’t  know  what  THAT  has  to  do  with  evan  ,  though  .  ”

“  see  for  yourself  .  ”

“  SOPHIE  .  ”

“  what  ?  it  probably  isn’t  even  new  information  for  her  ,  ”  she  shrugged  ,  reaching  over  two  monitors  to  hand  evan  a  phone  .  twitter  was  opened  to  a  profile  with  bex’s  beaming  face  in  the  icon  ,  but  the  handle  wasn’t  hers  .  she  gave  the  pair  of  them  a  skeptical  look  before  glancing  over  at  isla  who  only  offered  a  half  -  hearted  shrug  .  it  didn’t  take  long  to  see  what  ,  exactly  ,  sophie  had  been  talking  about  ,  a  slew  of  tweets  and  retweets  .

bexupdates  :  bex  &  kieran  pulled  up  to  the  venue  together  .  .  .  and  then  left  at  the  same  time  .  why  are  they  lowkey  so  cute  annathefound  :  not  bex  wearing  a  baby  tee  version  of  the  found’s  merch  .  .  .  stanning  her  boyfriend  just  like  the  rest  of  us  

ruairidailyposts  :  ok  wait  are  evan  &  kieran  even  dating  anymore  bc  i  could  be  down  with  a  bex  &  kieran  moment  cheerupbailey  :  @ruairidailyposts  you  know  two  people  can  have  a  relationship  without  posting  about  it  right  ???  they’re  in  separate  countries  rn  lol

babybexxx  :  i  just  think  that  bex  &  kieran  walsh  as  a  power  couple  .

bxhq  :  no  offense  but  bex  is  simply  so  much  better  for  him  than  some  rando  from  ireland  like  what thefoundupdates  :  @bxhq  babes  they  LITERALLY  grew  up  together  ????

totallyconan  :  be  honest  do  u  guys  think  the  reason  evan  isn’t  on  tour  with  them  is  bc  they’re  not  together  anymore  like  she  literally  never  misses  shows

adamfitzupdates :  why  are  y’all  so  obsessed  with  a  relationship  that  doesn’t  concern  you  ???  chill bexlevitates  :  @adamfitzupdates  bc  it’s  weird  that  evan  knew  him  for  so  long  and  only  started  dating  him  AFTER  the  found  started  to  get  big  like  that’s  shady

bexupdates  :  find  someone  who  looks  at  u  the  way  bex  looks  at  kieran  on  stage  wtf  did  y’all  see  that

newruleshq  :  no  waaaay  this  man  has  a  gf  when  he  and  bex  look  so  good  next  to  each  other  LMAO  

thefoundupdates  :  according  to  the  girl  who  wrote  the  article  kieran  literally  WALKED  OUT  on  the  interview  ???  rockstar  behavior  but  also  hope  he’s  ok

evan  could’ve  kept  scrolling  for  hours  as  her  heart  rate  began  to  rise  and  rise  .  the  crease  between  her  brows  deepened  ,  and  she  reminded  herself  of  everything  she  knew  to  be  true  .  kieran  LOVED  her  .  twitter  was  a  BRUTAL  place  .  it  was  as  though  the  worst  parts  of  her  subconscious  had  come  to  life  in  280  characters  or  less  .  her  head  began  to  swim  as  her  heart  sank  into  her  stomach  .

“  what  does  t’is  ––  .  .  .  ”  her  voice  cracked  ,  and  she  cleared  her  throat  ,  finally  looking  up  from  the  phone  screen  ,  “  why  ,  exactly  ,  are  you  showing  me  this  ?  ”  

sophie  looked  as  though  she  was  shocked  by  evan’s  question  ,  “  because  i’ve  dated  musicians  .  .  .  and  like  HALF  of  those  are  in  bex’s  likes  .  which  are  public  ,  by  the  way  .  just  doesn’t  seem  subtle  to  me  .  ”

“  are  you  trying  to  insinuate  something  here  ,  sophie  ?  ”  her  tone  shifted  ,  irritated  as  she  handed  the  phone  back  .

“  like  i  said  ,  i’ve  dated  guys  in  bands  ,  too  ,  and  ––  ”

“  enough  ,  ”  isla  snapped  ,  “  you’re  sticking  your  nose  where  it  doesn’t  belong  .  BOTH  of  you  should  be  off  doing  your  jobs  right  now  ,  so  ,  run  along  .  ”

both  of  them  scurried  off  without  a  word  .  

evan  was  still  for  a  moment  ,  but  her  fingertips  were  itching  for  the  keyboard  .  she  was  no  stranger  to  things  like  this  ,  unkind  words  from  strangers  who  didn’t  LOVE  the  idea  of  her  ––  despite  not  knowing  her  .  the  good  outweighed  the  bad  on  the  internet  ,  but  the  voices  who  didn’t  like  her  were  always  the  loudest  .  even  BEFORE  she  and  kieran  had  gone  public  with  their  relationship  .  .  .  even  before  they  were  ever  in  a  relationship  at  all  .  over  time  ,  she’d  learned  to  tune  it  out  and  focus  on  the  kindness  that  flooded  her  comment  sections  and  mentions  .  .  .  but  every  now  and  again  something  slipped  through  the  cracks  .  .  .  and  when  they  did  ,  she  absorbed  them  like  a  blow  to  the  abdomen  .  they  settled  into  her  memory  and  cemented  themselves  there  ,  tucked  away  until  they  found  the  perfect  moment  to  make  her  self  conscious  .  like  the  fan  who  had  commented  on  the  shape  of  her  body  before  and  after  going  to  uni  .  .  .  and  another  from  galway  who  made  it  their  business  to  let  everyone  know  she’d  slept  around  while  living  there  .  .  .  and  every  time  someone  said  she  wasn’t  good  enough  for  kieran  or  any  of  them  .  that  she  had  bad  intentions  ,  leeching  onto  the  boys  for  fame  .  that  her  career  was  based  SOLELY  on  the  four  of  them  .  

if  she  caved  and  kept  scrolling  ,  she’d  commit  it  all  to  memory  .  .  .  everything  that  made  her  intuition  about  bex  STRONGER  .  

instead  ,  she  launched  forward  and  snatched  the  rubik’s  cube  back  up  ,  immediately  distorting  its  perfect  faces  and  mixing  it  up  again  .  it  was  good  to  keep  your  hands  busy  ,  she  knew  ,  when  your  mind  began  to  run  away  .  

the  worst  of  it  wasn’t  even  TRULY  comments  about  their  relationship  .  .  .  those  hurt  ,  but  they  didn’t  sting  quite  as  bad  as  real  -  time  updates  about  kieran  and  bex  showing  up  or  leaving  venues  together  .  she  dulled  the  pain  by  reminding  herself  that  THREE  other  boys  were  never  too  far  behind  .  that  kieran  would  never  .  .  .  COULD  never  .  .  .  

but  then  again  ,  there  was  the  tweet  that  weighed  heaviest  in  her  mind  .  kieran  walked  out  in  the  middle  of  an  interview  ,  and  he  hadn’t  told  her  .  something  rattled  him  to  the  point  of  his  version  of  an  outburst  ,  and  he  hadn’t  told  her  .  that  seemed  like  something  he  would  have  told  her  .  .  .  it  seemed  important  enough  ,  she  thought  to  herself  ,  right  ?  RIGHT  ?

her  throat  felt  tight  ,  and  she  kept  running  the  tweets  she’d  read  over  in  her  mind  .  there  was  a  deep  furrow  in  her  brow  as  she  looked  down  at  her  hands  ,  still  vehemently  mixing  up  the  toy  .  something  felt  off  kilter  .  .  .  but  she  couldn’t  pin  down  which  hurt  more  :  the  slew  of  tweets  from  people  pretending  to  know  what  went  on  in  her  relationship  .  .  .  or  the  thought  of  kieran  doing  something  as  rash  as  storming  out  of  an  interview  ––  and  then  not  telling  her  .  

“  i  didn’t  know  about  t’e  interv​​iew  bit  ,  ”  she  said  quietly  ,  eyes  still  trained  on  the  colorful  cube  .  she  was  certain  her  face  was  the  opposite  ,  color  drained  .  

“  evan  ––  .  .  .  ”

“  it’s  fine  ,  ”  she  said  firmly  ,  “  it’s  probably  not  true  .  just  like  t’e  rest  of  it  isn’t  true  .  ”

her  voice  sounded  distant  .  .  .  and  she  wasn’t  sure  if  she  was  trying  to  convince  isla  or  HERSELF  .  clearing  her  throat  again  ,  she  set  the  toy  back  down  on  her  desk  and  scooted  towards  the  computer  .  

“  i’ve  got  work  to  do  ,  ”  she  said  quietly  ,  getting  back  to  the  monitor  .  though  all  she  wanted  to  do  was  go  home  .  how  many  more  people  thought  that  she  wasn’t  GOOD  ENOUGH  for  kieran  ?  how  many  people  thought  someone  like  bex  was  a  better  fit  ?  how  long  would  it  take  for  the  suggestion  to  become  potent  enough  to  make  the  people  who  KNEW  them  question  it  as  well  ?  and  if  kieran  had  walked  out  of  an  interv​​iew  ,  WHY  hadn’t  he  told  her  ?  

she  glanced  down  at  her  own  phone  screen  ,  hoping  that  maybe  she’d  missed  a  text  or  a  call  .  .  .  but  all  she  got  was  nothing  .  nothing  but  the  words  she’d  seen  written  down  ,  now  cemented  in  her  mind  :  bex  is  simply  so  much  better  for  him  .  .  .  because  SHE  was  there  ,  wrapped  up  in  the  same  world  he  was  in  .  she  was  accessible  .  immediate  .  beautiful  .  

and  evan  was  stuck  in  london  with  nothing  but  time  to  wonder  .

[x--daughters-of-darkness--x]

Beyond the Boys’ Club: Brittney Slayes of Unleash the Archers

"Don't be afraid to speak up -- if you're a member of a band, you're not a hired gun"

On the initial vision for Unleash the Archers’ new album, Abyss, and how it relates to 2017’s Apex

When we sat down to write both Apex and Abyss back in 2016, I said to the boys, let’s do two albums with a story arc, like a concept record. They were like, “Yeah, sure.” Originally, we were going to try and do a two-disc release. But, just with a time crunch and things like that, and we didn’t want to rush the songs just so that we could put out a two-disc record, we didn’t. So, I had written the story for both albums at the same time. At first, we just focused on Apex and wrote everything for that. We saved a couple of riffs for Abyss, and in 2019, we sat down and didn’t play any shows or do anything and just took a bunch of time off and then I’m really focused on this album. The story changed a little bit, but for the most part, it still remained the same. I wanted the first album to be very grounded, kind of like a fantasy-themed album, and the second to be more celestial and like a science fiction-sounding record. So, I think that it all kind of came together just like I had hoped.

On the genesis of the album’s title track, “Abyss”

That riff that starts that song off was one of the ones that [guitarist] Andrew [Kingsley] came up with when we were writing Apex. The second I heard it, I was like, this is definitely an Abyss track. I knew I wanted it to the be title track. So, when we finally sat down to write that record, we started with that riff and kind of the whole record was born from it. I wrote it in such a way that it’s like an introduction to the album. We brought it back to where our main character — it’s sort of his awakening. It’s a song that you could hear before hearing the rest of the album, and it’s not going to spoil the story for you. It gives you an idea of the sound that is going to be on the album but still hearkens back to Apex a little bit in that more traditional power metal style. We also tried new things and experimented a bit with different genres in that song.

On the experience of releasing a new album during the COVID-19 pandemic

It certainly was intense. There was a lot of expectation. A lot of people were really excited for it, without much else going on. People were step-by-step following us along the way. Every time we would release anything or talk about anything or post teasers, our fans were very much right there with it. It was a really immersive kind of process actually. I’m not saying that people didn’t have things going on, but as you know, people were in lockdown and there wasn’t too much happening in terms of nightlife, so people had a lot of time to hang out with us and follow along.

On whether Unleash the Archers plan to support Abyss with touring once it’s safe to do so

We are booking tours and have dates in the works in North America and Europe for next fall. But, even that is looking shaky already, so I’m not too sure. We’re hoping that we’ll be able to get on the road in support of the album in 2021. We’ve got a whole bunch of festivals that we’ve reconfirmed that we were supposed to play this last summer, confirmed for next summer. But, it’s still looking pretty shaky. So, honestly, I’m not too sure. We have ideas for an EP, and I think we are going to just kind of start casually working on those, depending on how things go.

On how she thinks concerts will be different when they return

I think it’s going to be different for a while. I’m pretty sure when concerts do come back, it’ll probably be mandatory masks and no moshing and all that kind of stuff. But, I think eventually it’ll be the same again. When shows are allowed to happen, I think everyone will be so relieved and so stoked to be there that it’s just going to be such a positive space regardless. It’s been so long. It’s going to be weird at first, but it’s still going to be awesome.

On seeing more women in metal today verses when she started out

When we first started the band back in 2007, there was only In This Moment, Within Temptation, Nightwish, Arch Enemy. The big ones were really the only ones that were kind of making waves. We definitely got a lot of side eyes because we were female-fronted and kind of power death metal. So, the fact that we weren’t symphonic metal was really weird to everybody, and we got grouped in with that a lot, just by people that didn’t even bother to listen or anything like that. So, it’s awesome seeing there’s a lot more women out there and not just singing, but also playing bass and guitar and drums.

On what changes she’s seen for women in metal music over the past several years

Just a little more acceptance and less judgment. They’re still being used as a novelty by a lot of people and mainstream media. Some magazines are still like, let’s get a hot chick on the cover, that kind of thing. So, that’s frustrating, and there’s still a lot of top 25 hottest women in metal polls and stuff like that. I can’t stand that, but there’s a lot less of that. It’s coming to the point where it’s not just about these chicks being hot. It’s also about the fact that they have talent, and that’s a really big step.

On if she feels there’s still pressure on women in music to look or dress a certain way

I think so. It’s not as prevalent as it was before. I do feel, though, that there’s kind of an unspoken thing with women that they feel like they need to look a certain way or be fit or be good looking to make people want to watch us. Like, you need to show a little skin or whatever. Even if it’s not said. But it seems like that’s becoming less important. And I think a lot of times now you look on YouTube videos, and people will say, “Oh, she’s hot,” and it’s like, who cares? You wouldn’t see that for a male friend in a band. Why not, she has a sweet voice? So, there’s that, but I do think that’s changing.

On being a role model for young girls looking to get into music

I guess, as the front-person in a band, I feel that people kind of look up to you a little bit. I’ll often get messages from parents that say, “My daughter loves you, and you’re such a great role model, and I just love that you’re someone that she can look up to and you’re not exactly sexualized or anything like that.” So, I really love that part of it, that I can be that for young girls. Also, whenever other vocalists message me about whatever they have questions about, whether it’s advice or just were we get our merch, I’m always happy to help and to kind of be that mentor person for people. That’s a really important side of it for me, as well.

On whether women still feel a bit intimidated going into metal music

Absolutely. It’s not always this way, but if you can start the band yourself, that definitely helps. If you have musician friends, ask if they want to start a project together. If you can put it together, then you have a lot more control. I’ve heard a lot of horror stories from women that have reached out to me and said, “Hey, I joined this band, and they’re writing my lyrics for me, and I want to write my own lyrics.” It’s harder sometimes to join an existing project and have any say or control.

On what advice she has for other women looking to get into metal music

One big thing is don’t be afraid to speak up. If you’re a member of a band, you’re not a hired gun or anything like that, unless that’s what you want. So, you just have to figure out what’s right for yo, because there are a lot of opportunities out there, and there are a lot of options, and don’t think that this is the only chance that you have. Also, work hard. Work your butt off. Get out there, do interviews and be active on social media. Interact with your fans. Be available.

[dragracereviews]

My Ultimate Top 10 Favorite Drag Race Queens

#10 - Kameron Michaels: NGL, Kameron is partially on this list because I would fuck her in a heartbeat. I actually plan on making a list later of queens I would sleep with in and/or out of drag and you will definitely find Miss Michaels high on there. I’ve seen her live on the Werq the World tour and I 100% regret not getting Meet and Greet though I probably would’ve just drooled on her and made a fool of myself so maybe it’s better that I didn’t. It’s a known fact that Kameron is an incredible lip syncer (if you haven’t watched season 10, please do so just to see her in action because honestly, she’s one of the few good things about that season) and she did NOT disappoint. Her dancing was only beat out by Vanjie who you may or may not see later on this list. Kameron if you’re out there reading this (LOL, we all know she isn’t) and you ever feel like experimenting with an actual biological woman, hit me up!

#9 - Sharon Needles: And here we have another attractive man out of drag! Sharon was the OG underdog and while I’m not going to sit here and bash Phi Phi O’Hara because she’s actually talented AF (checkout her Harry Potter cosplay, it’s soooo good), Sharon definitely didn’t deserve all the shade thrown at her on season 4. Her drag aesthetic has always been equals parts spooky and equal parts fabulous, but she’s actually improved over the years and it’s made me love her even more. My favorite Sharon moment ever is during a “Queens Reading Mean Comments” video on WOWPresents’ Youtube channel where someone said they liked her old teeth better and she just goes, “Well my old teeth just looked ridiculous with my new lips!” Get ‘em, girl.

#8 - Jinkx Monsoon: I want Jinkx to be my mom. There, I said it. Also, if you don’t get that reference, get your shit together and subscribe to WOW Presents on Youtube you fucking bumpkin. Jinkx was the loveable weirdo on her season and received a lot of hate from her fellow queens but I loved her from the start. I have since forgiven Roxxxy Andrews for her cattiness because of her rudemption on All Stars 2 (insert her Read U Wrote U verse here) but nothing was more satisfying than watching Jinkx go from the underdog to America’s Next Drag Superstar. I don’t know what’s more iconic; her tendency to fall asleep at inopportune times, her laugh, or all the jokes about her being a full blown swamp witch. Either way, it will always be Monsoon season in my eyes.

#7 - Nina West: Hands down, the DEFINITION of Miss Congeniality! This choice was so obvious, I don’t even know why they took a vote. I think that even if they left it up to the fans, it would’ve been her. I fucking LOVE Nina. I’ve actually met her IRL and my first thoughts were 1: she’s HUGE (hello, she’s a six foot tall man in like 6 inch heels and I’m barely over five feet) and 2. she just radiates happiness! She is the only queen I’ve met that asked me my name (though shout out to Plastique Tiara for calling me gorgeous as if she’s not the most beautiful creature on the planet) and she didn’t make me feel like an idiot when I just stared at her adoringly and just word vomited “you’remyfavoriteiloveyousomuch”. Class act people!

#6 - Bianca del Rio: Do I even need an explanation for this one? Hands down, the undisputed winner of season 6, and that’s coming from a die-hard ***** fan (see entry #2). Did she wear the same silhouette 10+ times? Yes. Can she kind of be a bitch sometimes? Definitely. But is she the funniest fucking person alive? Probably! My love for Bianca is infinite but I still wouldn’t want her to read me, at least not in person. Actually, scratch that, I’ve seen her Twitter feed and getting read online is almost worse. I fucking love Hurricane Bianca and the sequel even though it’s one of those so-bad-it’s-good type of film series. I sadly missed her last tour because it was the same night as Sasha Velour’s Smoke & Mirrors show and as amazing as Sasha was, my heart was broken that I couldn’t go to both. But you better believe the next time she’s in town, I’m forking out lots of $$ for VIP and I may or may not faint at Bianca’s feet #noregrets

#5 - Vanessa Vanjie Matteo: Mother. Fucking. Vanjie. OKAY, I’ve met this bitch IRL and let me tell you, she is the cutest fucking thing. Like Nina, it shocked me how apparent it is that she’s a man (square jaw, hello?) but she can still paint for filth and look fishy AF even with her boyish features. Also, AMAZING performer! I waited 3 hours after the M&G for her to actually come on stage and perform only two songs (that’s a story for another day) but let me tell you, it was worth the fucking wait. I showered that bitch with Canadian monopoly money and I would’ve given her more if I wasn’t such a broke millennial. And to top the whole night off, I got woken up at 5 am to my friend screaming because Vanjie had reposted my photo in her story so I was essentially Instagram famous for all of like, a day. Thanks girl xo

#4 - Bendelacreme: I love me some Dela. This queen proved in both her regular season and All Stars that she is a force to be reckoned with. Season 6 wouldn’t have been the same without her and did I want to yell at Darienne Lake for being a bitch to her? Absolutely! (Gia Gunn pun intended) And I honestly think that if she hadn’t eliminated herself, she would’ve won AS3 (though if you read my #1 entry, I am 100% satisfied with who did win). She completely deserved her Miss Congeniality title, and while I see where the others AS3 queens were coming from when they suspected she was trying a little too hard to keep up that image, I did appreciate her trying to play the game with some class, because we don’t see that often on Drag Race. I also love her friendship with Jinkx and it’s definitely on my bucket list to see one of their shows one day. You know what they say, the Creme always rises to the top!

#3 - Brooke Lynn Hytes: Full disclosure, I’m Canadian but that’s not the only reason why I love Brooke (she is the Queen in the North though, and I’ll fight you if you say otherwise). This queen is fucking TALENTED! Season 11 would have failed without her, IMHO. She can design and sow a complete outfit, read people to filth, sort of sing (I still listen to Queens Everywhere daily, especially her verse), dance circles around ANYBODY, and lip sync like her mother fucking life depends on it. Did she, by the end of the season, forget that’s there’s more to a lip sync than being on pointe? Yes, absolutely. But that doesn’t change the fact that she is literal perfection and I think that’s why Ru gave Yvie the crown instead of her (though I love Yvie so don’t come for me). Brooke’s biggest downfall was the fact that she wasn’t relatable and I am 100% okay with that. Sometimes you just have to worship the unattainable. The only issue I have with Brooke is her and Vanjie not being officially together anymore because yes, I am one of those fans that ship queens together, especially queens that have actually dated. I will never get over #Branjie, just saying.

#2 - Adore Delano: "I'm a fucking Libra!" As soon as these words left her mouth, I knew I was in love with Adore Delano. Season 6 is by far my favorite season (spoiler alert if I decide to make a Top 10 Best Seasons list) and if it weren't for my #1 pick, she would 100% have the top spot. Hell, before I discovered WOW Presents, she WAS my #1 pick (read my next entry to understand what I mean). Adore is simultaneously adorable (pun intended) and fierce AF. She's beautiful, hilarious, and did I mention beautiful?! She is the reason I say "party" at inappropriate times. She is the reason I wish I was a Libra instead of a fucking Scorpio. She is the reason I insist everybody start their first Drag Race binge with season 6 because I know they’ll fall in love with her as much as I have. Adore, if you’re reading this, I fucking adore you.

#1 - Trixie Mattel & Katya Zamolodchikova: Of course these two are tied as my number one spot. Individually, these queens are fucking fierce and extremely talented (go download Trixie's country albums if you don't believe me), but together they are pure gold. If you've only ever watched their run on season 7, you probably don't understand why I love them so much, so do yourself a favor and go watch All Stars 2 & 3, as well as their web shows "UnHhhh", "The Trixie & Katya Show", and “Queens Who Like To Watch”. I can even give you a list of other stand alone videos of them to watch (ex. "Besties for Cash", "Fashion Photo Review", compilation videos of the pair in Palm Springs... I think you get the gist). Truth be told, I'm absolutely obsessed with these two, so much so that I may or may not have indulged in some online fan fiction about them from time to time...don’t judge me, okay?! I love a friends-turned-lovers love story, and I know I’m not the only one wishing #Trixya would happen IRL. I've also shelled out so much money to Trixie alone on her merch and makeup, and I'm waiting very impatiently for them to go on tour together so I can go full Futurama and just scream "take my money" as I buy the most VIP package they have. Trixie and Katya are the ultimate definition of All Stars and I'll fight anyone who says otherwise.

[dccrossmusic-blog]

Well that'a a wrap- the D.C Cross Ecstatic Racquet album tour is complete! Thank you so much to all my new fans and old fans for the support! It was a lot of fun. I probably drove more than 10000 kms for the 9 shows- which is mental..it was all good until the car broke down in Albury on the weekend- keep reading and you can hear about the drama of the last 48 hours in point form!

Thanks to all the nice people, other musicians and venues and sound people and bar people at the places i played at. All thank you for the free beers, dinners and when people let me stay at the venue or their homes for free. Super mega thank you to Dusty Attic Music Lounge , Howl & Moan Records, Petersham Bowling Club, Plantbased Wholefoods, The Merri Creek Tavern , Franks Wild Years, Mounties and the Bridge Hotel Castlemaine (which is impossible to tag on Facebook).

So everyone is always crapping on about stuff that happens to them on social media but the last 48hours of my tour was quite eventful and i think entertaining for others. Here in point form i will mention the unfolding of the events.

Saturday 3pm Show in Thirroul - Sunday 3pm Show in Castlemaine, Victoria - a bit of driving (about 1700 kms there and back to Sydney) but pretty straight forward- right..what could possibility go right :/

•drive from Marrickville to Thirroul - so far so good

• play a cosy show to some nice people at Franks' Wild Years- very impressed german guy says that i am a beautiful musician and play the guitar like John Frusciante from the Chill Peppers - Brad other founding original member of Gerling comes to the show-a wonderful gesture of support

•Finish show in Thirroul and with a broken GPS head on the drive to Castlemaine, Victoria (about 845km's).

•Get tailgated on the Bulli Pass by some tradie fuckhead- a bit of an anxious 10 minutes but make it okay - our faithful 2004 Holden still seems to be okay.

•Drive for 5 hours on route to Albury as its more than halfway.

•100 kms out of Albury car starts shaking uncontrollably - i thought it was just the Hume Highway - so just cranked AC/DC and LANKUM new album on the distorted car stereo.

•60 km's nearer Albury situation with car gets worse- now know it was a busted CV crankshaft (no idea) and apparently quite dangerous

•Navigate car into Albury and call road side assistance. Sounds like i get a drunk Andrew Jackson Calvert type guy on the phone who relishes in the fact he can say that they can't help me and can tow the vehcile to a mechanic on Monday morning. It's 9.30 Pm Saturday night

•Find the cheapest accom in Albury -$66 a night and stay above a 2 floored techno beer barn full of teenagers on MDMA and very loud party remix / techno music going on. The room looks like was last renovated in the 1950's.

•Call the only guy i know in Albury and hit the RSL after Ross Wilson had just played. Didn't see Ross and damn glad i didn't hear 'Come said the Boy' the second most dodgy song in Australian Music History.

•Stash broken down car in Coles car park. Got to bed in backpackers with Digitalism's - Zdarlight blasting through the building.

•Awake sunday morning and hire car and drive to Castlemaine.

•An hour out of Albury a crazed fucktard - Chopper Reid vibe guy - cruising along in a shitbox Commodore with two kids bikes strapped to the back - a blue bike and little pink bike gets upset that i overtake him on the freeway. As im overtaking he speeds up- i was wasnt really checking my rear view mirror as as i was looking straight ahead to overtake- pretty legit an safe driving from me- anyway, Chopper Reid speeds up and whist i'm overtaking and gets really really mad..i do the thumbs up mate sign and makes him even more angrier..he follows my agrresively for the next 200 kilometres.. very intimidating - the most alarming thought of this was if he is driving so recklessly with two small kids in the car (nee the bikes) imagine what he would do if he caught up to me after 2 hours of full on road rage anger. Yep just what i need right now- anyway decide to James Bond him and speed up so he cant see me, speed into a truck parking side station behind a bunch of bushes- wait till i see him fly pass - teeth grinding trying to find me. Wait 5 minutes and commence my ongoing, fun-filled journey

•Castlemaine Bridge Hotel is a lot further than i calculated. And a path i have never journeyed before- no GPS is making trickier.

•3 hours later -- I ARRIVE! PHEW.

•The Bridge Hotel Castlemaine is a safe haven of coolness in all the chaos.

•Meet old friend Casey Rice at the Bridge Hotel and play two sets of my music to people actually listening to my songs- made the ordeal worthwhile and Skyscrapper Stan aka Stan Woodhouse - the kiwi songsmith works there as the barman- equally parts good and evil - that guy is a crackup..easing into the afternoon with a free pint of something, some comedy gold from Stan and a half price healthy dinner with green stuff in it (maybe vegetables- not on a burger bun so im a bit confused how to eat it ).

•Stay the night above the venue and get up at 4am to drive car back to hire car place. Venues alarm system goes off when i'm having a shower…find the exit and leave gracefully

•On the drive back to Albury - around 4.35am my phone GPS stops working and end up on some lonesome unused highway in a State Forrest in the middle of nowhere - using just my instinct to try and navigate back to Albury

•See a giant Pink moon setting over the trees in state forrest - i think heading towards Canberra (no idea) and makes the trip worthwhile

• Two massive kangaroos leap across the road just seconds away from me, right in front of the car- it's still pitch black - i narrowly avoiding hitting them (a split second before this happened a voice in my head said slow down, be careful, i dont wanna kill no kangaroos) - maybe it was the kangaroos mystical vibe -im not sure but seemed like divine intervention for the next 3 hours that we all survived.

•Some how make it to Heathcote, Victoria and get directions to the Hume Highway by a lady working at a servo with a magical hair braid getting hit on by the local milkman (why do all milkman look the same??) . I've never been happier to see the Hume Highway in my life. Listen to Highway to Hell - AC/DC on cd - my close friends mum gave my as a birthday gift she got from her work - a catholic girls schools - the library was throwing the cd out. Also LANKUM new song 'Wild Rover' that sounds equal parts Irish Rebel folk heroes/ Dirty Three and Tool - I'm having a moment.

•Eventually get back to Albury, put all my guitars and merch and amp back in broken car and return the hire car which was three times the amount i thought it would be cause i had driven extra kilometres.

•Get back in my barely drivable broken down car - Monday morning trying to find a mechanic in Albury to repair car. •Seems all mechanic in Albury are too busy- we can fix the car in 5 days time or are on holidays… Stranded far from home….

•Finally find a mechanic on the outskirts of town who can fix the car- drive barley drivable car around Albury trying to find the mechanic- stressing out front wheels will fall off - takes about 20 minutes without gps and hats off the bloke who gave me the best directions of my life to find mechanic.

•Mechanic looks at car and says its my lucky day - they have the spare part in Albury -which is very rare … a new crank shaft (no idea) - and he can fix it straight away ($500 seems reasonable ).

•Wait 5 hours in the belting Albury sun. Eat the biggest and best potato scallops ive ever had (from North Albury) and presto- hand over credit card and Car is fixed. Drink 2 litres of hot Mountain Dew and drive 6 hours and arrive home safely.

• Triumph scene from Rocky -Bill Contis 'Gonna Fly Now (Theme from Rocky) plays out in my head as i drink a beer and lie on the couch. Maybe next time i will fly.

• And thats what it takes to play two shows as an underground cult folk musician in Australia.

• Get Ecstatic

• And please buy my album on bandcamp to help pay mechanic - maybe a Xmas gift, coming of age …. en vogue vinyl experience

•Remember kids, "It's a JUNGLE out there!".

[dianasdabbles-blog]

The Secrets He Kept

Request: Nope, i have been saving it for a while and every now and then go back to try and add to it but i really like it and if you want a second part just let me know and i’ll work on it.

Word Count: 2,056

Parting with a kiss, I leave through one of the back exits to join the line of fans queuing out the front. By the time I got to the front, I knew I wouldn’t be on the floor, which was a bonus, but I was close enough to be in the first row of standing. Hearing the girls getting excited and some behind trying to squish the line to get in quicker, I knew the doors had opened. Excitement was an understatement. I had never been to a meet and greet let alone the Shawn Mendes experience.

Shawn and I had ran into each just over a year ago last time he was in Sydney. It was a bold move on my part, as it didn’t register who he was at the time and I asked if we could meet up again he told me he wasn’t around much longer so I gave him my number. A few phone calls and facetimes later the penny dropped. I was mortified of what I had done, to how I treated him – not that it was bad, it was just extremely bold. When questioned why he never told me who he was, he was a little taken back but asked if it changed anything. I didn’t hesitate when I said no but made him promise there’d be no more secrets between us.

Now we’ve been together about 8 months, I have seen him perform backstage but when he told me he has prepared to take me around on the Australian tour I wanted to experience it all. So here we are sneaking around the media and fans now risking it all by leaving through an exit door. I just hope that if someone sees they don’t see me again tonight.

They direct us where to sit and stand while Shawn takes his sweet time. The girls in the front row start to scream, which puts the rest of us at hault mid conversation just in time to see Shawn enter. We’re silenced and warned about camera flashes and lights on our phones then teacher Shawn instructs us to be nice and quiet.

I don’t think I have ever been around that many giggling girls in my life. I’m not one for emotion or public display and I slowly become embarrassed for these girls but anxious for Shawn. A girl makes a comment about him leaving the toilet seat up which I preached her in my head but cursed him as he said if someone else was there he’d put it down because he doesn’t. Another asks how he puts his shirt on, another on advise. I was enjoying myself and could understand why people come to these.

One asked if he ever finished reading his book which I know he never did as he cannot sit still long enough to ever get into a book but I on the other hand could sit for days. He continues telling them he could never finish it as he sucks at it but continues on to make it a conversation as he smirks in my direction then mentions quote “my friend loves a good book she could read for days which sucks because sometimes sh- I can’t get in contact with them” quote.

In that moment I feel as though my jaw is slack and everyone is looking at me. Like everyone knows and we are now screwed. Shawn keeps looking at me every so often as I try my best to remain calm. All I can do is hope that no one picked up on it.

With the next few questions he makes more conversation and asks them more questions prolonging the upcoming questions. Joking with the crowd and making them laugh, telling them about the kissing scenes in the TNHMB music video which I do feel a twinge of jealousy as he speaks about it. He even brings Jeff into the Q&A with the “certain” joke.

From there we are lead through back into the main part of the building where you can buy food and merch, I decide to snack out as tonight is going to be full of dancing. As the arena fills up and the lights darken I plant myself near the centre of the floor space right next to the piano – I know where to stand after seeing the hours of rehersing. The opening starts and I mumble the playback track of his achievements to myself. First TNHMB which is a party starter, then my all time favourite Lights On. The girls holding onto everything he says in between and all I can think is how did I get so lucky.

Giving in and acting like a crazy person, singing at the top of my lungs when Stitches hit. No matter how old the song is or how old I am it’ll always be a banger. By the end of tonight I think I’ll definitely be searching for a voice. There’s a longer pause in the show where Shawn makes a dash while catching his breath to the centre stage. As he comes up, the girls scream and stick their arms out hoping he’ll touch them. I am pushed and slightly jumped on as more try and squeeze their way to the front when our eyes lock, in that moment I become one of them. My arm goes out and I scream along with the rest of the girls as he passes by reaching down to the girls around me.

When he forgets the notes, my heart aches in a good way. He apologises and has a little chuckle which makes the smile on my face grow. I want nothing more in this moment but to hold him and tell him how proud I am. Shawn plays his go to song, which I admit do know cause who doesn’t stalk their boyfriends when they find out they are the number 1 hearthrob? And in this moment he couldn’t look any more perfect.

Next comes Roses which always makes me emotional. This is the one where he walks around to the girls and holds their hands. Shawn said he wouldn’t, he wouldn’t do it to me but he did, of course he did. And it was honest and perfect, if there hadn’t had been big scary security guards I would have jumped the barrier.

A few more songs later, there is another pause as he grabs a drink of water and says quote “I only have a few stops in Australia and I need to go home remembering Sydney was the loudest one” quote. And with that statement I couldn’t focus for the rest concert with my mind going places it shouldn’t be in public.

The wait after the concert was painful not only did I have to wait 30minutes for everyone to clear the stadium I had to wait another 15 for people to move somewhat away from the front before I could make my way around the back to the same door. The one problem I did not consider is that other girls may be waiting for him to come out, as I turn to leave one girl recognises me from the meet and greet,

“Hey are you waiting for Shawn too?”

“Uh yea, I was going to but uh.. I think I’ll just head off”

“Oh cool, see ya round!”

Walking back round I double check that I’m far enough away from people, I pull my phone out to call Shawn and tell him my dilemma to which he tells me to come back inside and put him on the phone to every security guard to which I do and it works. He directs me through the stadium and meets me outside his door which some how my lips land on his, we flip so I am now against the wall as one of his hands fiddle with my shirt pulling it out and slipping under and around my waist as the other finds the door to his room.

“What.. What’s –this –for?” He gets out in between breaths, as i’m now straddling him on the lounge as my hairs run through his curls,

“You said tonight something about you need to go home remembering why we are the loudest, I just thought I’d help out” To this he smirks, taking my hand.

“Not here”

We find Andrew ASAP to no surprise he understands, more then likely with the help of our hair and my half untucked shirt we didn’t bother to fix ourselves as he sends us on our way back to the hotel.

The next morning, I say morning but more like midday. I wake before Shawn in a bliss, grabbing his shirt from the floor going out to make two cups of coffee and return back to bed placing one on his bedside and holding onto mine as I stroke his hair. Grabbing my phone to check my social medias, not much has happened on my end until i get a message from Andrew asking if we are both awake I respond no just me but alarm bells are going off in my head. Next thing I know there is a knock on the door and I am scrambling to put my jeans on, tucking in Shawn’s shirt and making my hair half decent as I open the door Andrew shakes his head.

“I don’t know why you’re trying to make yourself presentable now, I know what happened last night.” He says with a smirk “But have you seen any social media this morning?”

“Look I am sorry that you had to be an accomplice in lasts nights antics” I look at my feet slightly embarrassed of the way I acted last night as all memories come back in full force, my face tingling red “But uh.. yea I checked mine not long ago. Has something happened?”

“Just your antics all of yesterday really. Do any of these pictures look familiar?” Andrew passes me his phone as I swipe through photos of me sneaking out the back door, a red circle around myself in his meet and greet, there is a video of Shawn singing holding my hand in Roses, to me going behind the stadium and handing my phone to a security guard once the concert is over, and last but not least photos of Shawn and I making out in the car and heading into the hotel. In this moment I honestly feel as though I could pass out, my head hearts and I’m ready to burst into tears.

“(y/n), (y/n),” Andrew is lightly shaking my should, “It’s okay, it will be alright.“

“Andrew, this is not okay. Have I ruined his career? What is going to happen now! This was not meant to happen! Oh my goodness, how could I be this stupid!”

“Okay right now, you’re lucky Shawn is a heavy sleeper” Trying to ease the mood but just earns a glare from me to which he holds his hands up in surrender, “But I am going to give you two some space AND before you say anything you are going to handle this perfectly, Shawn is going to want to hear this from you. We knew this was going to happen sooner or later, it just came sooner. Give me a text when he knows, Okay?” I nod.

Tossing my phone between my hands in bed, Shawn wakes only a few minutes after Andrew leaves giving me no time to plan anything. Sitting up he leans in for a kiss I return half heartedly which catches him as soon as his lips leave mine. I sigh and have no way out of this.

Not even wanting to make eye contact with the boy. I stutter my way through sentences, mumbling and speaking under my breath as I manage to get out what Andrew had showed me. Unfortunately for me, Shawn has experienced many of my awkward talks and understood every word even if he had to lean a little closer to hear it. Running a hand through his hair and squeezing my thigh with the other we sit in silence for a couple of minutes realising Shawn isn’t going to be saying anything soon, I reach for my phone sending Andrew a message.

[voldiebuns]

HalLUDOween!!

So last weekend I went to HalLUDOween, aka Ludo's one night only, first time in six years concert! They're my favorite band and since I didn't think I'd ever get to hear them again in concert, of course I had to go. Even if it was in St. Louis, an approximately 11 hour drive from home lol But @biffelderberry and I figured it would be worth it, and it so was :D

We started out early Friday morning since it was going to be a long drive and we had to pick up a rental car since neither of our cars was up to such a drive. Of course we found out like an hour into the drive that the model we got had had a recall put out that very morning, but thankfully we didn't have any problems with it. The drive was actually not too bad, despite being so long and being mostly a drive through boring wilderness. We'd put together an approximately 13 hour playlist, so we had plenty of music to sing along with. And we made lots of stops at Taco Bell so I could get their potato tacos bc I'm apparently obsessed lol I ended up eating Taco Bell for every meal Friday, which was probably not a good idea, but it tasted fucking awesome.

(Me, left, and Biff at the beginning of the drive.)

Made it to the hotel around 8 maybe. There were two guys from Chicago in the check in line in front of us who we think may have been there for the concert as well, but the cool part was when we went down to breakfast in the morning, we met two other ppl who were there for the concert! They were from Wisconsin and California, so it was cool to talk to them for a bit about how much we all love Ludo and were so happy we were getting to see them again. We'd planned to use most of Saturday to explore St. Louis, since we'd come so far anyway. We'd wanted to do a ghost tour, but that didn't end up working out, but we did do a few other cool things. We went to an antiques store where we couldn't afford anything, but it still had some really interesting stuff. Then we went over to Grand Street, which I gather is kind of the popular downtown street. We ate at Lulu's Local Eatery, which is a small, hippster-y vegan place. I got the mac n cheese and Biff got the sliders, both of which were fucking delicious. Also very filling, which was a little disappointing bc we'd hoped to share the carnitas loaded tots after lol After that we went to a nearby comic book store. The owner was super nice and we talked to him about Ludo a bit (I was wearing my Ludo shirt) bc apparently everyone in town knew about this concert lol He'd had some other ppl in earlier who were going, I think from New York? Or maybe Arizona. We basically spent the whole weekend hearing from ppl in town about ppl coming in from out of state for the concert. Anyway, after that we did a little more walking around, mostly bc we wanted to look at all the pretty trees, and then went to Walmart to pick up some food (they have a So Delicious cashew milk chocolate cookies and cream ice cream that is to die for!). And crosstitching stuff bc Biff wanted to do an AO3 inspired bookmark design, and I thought it sounded fun as well. Also got some face masks bc why not. Which actually turned out not to be the best idea... When we got back to the hotel, I tried out my clay mask and it didn't go well. I did put a little too much water in it, but I don't think that accounts for how I apparently had an allergic reaction to it. Seriously, when I took it off, I looked like I had a rash all over my face. Thankfully my makeup skills were enough to cover it up, but I did end up sitting with a cool cloth on my face for awhile just to be sure the only reaction was the rash. Here's a picture of me post concert with half my makeup wiped off (the red side was waaaay better than when I first took off the mask):

So got ready, blah blah blah. And then it was time for the concert!! Costumes were encouraged, but since we didn't actually bring any, we just dressed up. My outfit of the night, which I loved bc I'd been waiting for an excuse to wear that crop top:

We took a Lyft to and from the venue since we didn't want to deal with parking or driving back at who knew what time. Which was probably a good thing bc the whole area around there was packed. More so for the second show, where the lines were literally down the block, but even for the first show. Bc of my trying to deal with a sudden allergic reaction rash, we were running a little late, so we got there like halfway through the opener. He was pretty good from what we heard, so I'll probably look up his music at some point. We had assigned seats in the balcony, which I was really glad of even if they cost more than GA down below. We would have had to get there hours early to get a good place there and would have had to stand, which I really am not up to for long amounts of time. But our seats were actually really good and we had a fantastic view of the stage. Except for the railing being right at eye level lol Since the concert was Halloween themed, they of course had some Halloween elements for the stage and their costumes. There were a couple of big, glowing blow up ghosts on either side of the stage. When the show started, about a dozen ppl came out in sheet ghost costumes and ran away around for awhile until it was just the band and they took off the sheets to show they were wearing skeleton onesies. Which I really really want one of now tbh.

Here's the vid I took of the intro. It was honestly so so awesome to see them in concert again. The first and only time I saw them before was in 2011, which was right before they basically broke up (ie they all just drifted away to other things and the band was no more). They did pretty much the song set that I'd been expecting, though there were a couple of things they sang that I hadn't expected. (They'd done a poll on twitter with Topek, Girls on Trampolines, and a couple of others, so since Topeka won I wasn't expecting them to play Girls on Trampolines.) And they did my top three favorite songs of theirs! Including Andrew going solo on my absolute favorite, Horror of Our Love! I took a vid of that too of course, which you can prob hear both Biff and I singing along to. They ended the concert with a cover of the Ghostbusters theme song and having a bunch of kids come out to throw candy to the crowd, which was a fun way to end it. There was no new music, aside from the two covers they did, which I think all of us had been hoping for. Even though we knew it was unlikely since the week before was the first time they'd all been in a room together in years. Still, the music and the experience of being part of the crowd was just as fantastic as last time. So yeah, the concert was amazing all around and totally worth the ridiculous drive :D After, we went down the block to the merch store, bc there was definitely no way I was leaving without something. We stood out in the cold for an hour waiting in line, which was fine except for the couple behind us was being really critical of the show and really annoying. We found out the reason it was taking so long was that the band was in the merch store talking to fans and signing stuff and taking pictures, which I hadn't expected. Of course their handler started telling them they needed to leave basically as soon as we got up to the front of the line. But! They were being pretty slow about it bc they wanted to keep talking to the fans, so Matt, the drummer, ended up at the door at the same time we were and he gave us hugs! He also said thanks for coming again, which made it sound like he recognized us? But idk. Anyway, as awesome as that was, the best part was apparently the girl behind us really wanted a hug from him and we were the last ones he hugged before leaving. Vengeance is sweet :D Anyway, I ended up with a t-shirt and a poster for the concert, plus a couple smaller ones from previous tours that they were giving away for free. There was a really cool tree print that I wish I would have gotten, so I hope they put that up online. There was a vinyl of the last CD as well that I wanted, but I really didn't feel like I could justify that as well. Maybe they'll put it up online too.

We took a Lyft back, which was a bit of an experience bc we had to cross the street to get to our ride and some asshole apparently was tired of waiting in traffic and tried to speed around while we were in the crosswalk. He stopped in time, but Biff really thought he was going to hit me :/ But we made it back to the hotel safely and met the lady from breakfast again. We ended up talking to her for awhile, which was fun bc she's been following the band for a long time and is apparently knows them personally bc of that. Sunday morning we slept in a bit bc we'd been out so late. We were both very glad we had decided not to drive home that day lol We went back out to Grand Street and had lunch at Lemongrass, a Vietnamese place there. I got the tofu summer roll and sesame tofu, and the sesame tofu was seriously good omg. After that we did some more walking and went to a bookstore we'd seen on Saturday. It was really cool and had a pretty fantastic variety of stuff spread out over three levels. We met a local Ludo fan there (we were both wearing the shirts we bought) who hadn't gotten to go to the concert and talked to her a little. Afterward we went over to the St. Louis Art Museum since they were supposed to have a textiles exhibit that sounded really interesting. We didn't end up finding it, and we only got to stay about half an hour before they closed, but it was still really fun. Plus they had some gorgeous views out front, some beautiful fall maples, and a statue of, apparently, Saint Louis.

We thought about going to the zoo after that, since it was literally across the street, but they were having some Halloween event and there were hundreds of small children everywhere. We decided that wasn't something we wanted to deal with lol So we went and picked up lunch from Fred and Ricky's Plant Delicious Foods, a lttle vegan grab and go place, instead and took it to eat at the hotel. The food was pretty good, though probably the best part is that I found out they ship nationwide, so I can order from there sometime if I want. Which is nice bc we really don't have many vegan places here. Monday it was time to leave. Because the drive home was long and we had to get back before the rental place closed at six, we got up at 5 am to head out. It wasn't too terrible, but we were definitely still tired. And I fell coming down the stairs with my suitcase and bruised my ass. It still hurts :/ Drive home seemed longer than the one there, probably bc I didn't really want to be going home lol It's so interesting how every time I go away for a fun weekend, it hits me when I get back how much I hate living at my house and in my city and in Texas in general. So I guess good motivation to try to find a way to move out sooner rather than later. So the weekend was fantastic! There were a few other places we would have liked to go, like the City Museum and some more vegan restaurants, but overall we hit some good places and had a lot of fun. Plus just the landscapes up there were so so pretty. We don't have trees like that in Texas lol But we're definitely thinking of going back to St. Louis sometime to see some more stuff. And maybe see Ludo again, if this concert was a sign of things to come! But of course it coudn't be all good. My throat was feeling a bit scratchy on the way home Monday, and by Tuesday I was pretty sick. Thankfully I had the whole week off plus Monday and Tuesday this week (I'd been hoping to go to a Star Trek meet up this weekend, but I couldn't afford it after all). I'm hoping I'm well by the time I go back to work, but it's been kind of a sucky way to spend my time off! But still worth it for Ludo lbr :D

(If you want to see the food pics I took, they’ll go up on my food blog: @foodandmind)

[rockrevoltmagazine]

THE SPIDER ACCOMPLICE INTERVIEW

From the east they came- so says the biography for epic Los Angeles act The Spider Accomplice! If the bright hair didn’t initially catch your eye, this rock group’s catchy lyrics and beautiful melodies sure will. Frontwoman VK found herself in the city of angels from Philadelphia, and guitarist Arno moved to the west coast from Finland- all of which led to the honorable opportunity for RockRevolt’s very own Anabel DFlux to interview the two about the band’s fun at NAMM and the upcoming EP. 

  RockRevolt: Hey there! Thank you so much for chatting with me today, how are you?

VK: Excited! There’s a lot going on for the band right now that we can’t wait to share!

Arno: Hi! I’m great thank you! Lots of fun at the photoshoot! Couldn’t be happier!

  RR: I hear you were at NAMM just recently- can you tell me about your performance there?

VK: We had a great time; we endorse Lizard Spit products and they asked us to perform in their booth. Arno and I played a few acoustic songs, and, as luck would have it, my rep Andrew Swift from Stagg/EMD was right across the aisle! He grabbed a cajon and sat in.

Arno: Good times at Lizard Spit booth! We played few songs and people’s response was great. Always nice to be on stage.

  RR: Let’s chat endorsements! Who are you endorsed by currently?

VK: Stagg/EMD has very graciously given me several guitars and a mandolin, and Lizard Spit has provided us with an array of their instrument cleaning products.

Arno: We are endorsed by Lizard Spit Music Care Products currently.

  RR: Any tips for aspiring musicians?

VK: Listen to your gut and don’t take advice from anyone if it doesn’t ring true to YOU. So many people think they have the answers, but they only have THEIR answers…yours are for you to discover.

Arno: Listen more. Sometimes you can compose better without your instrument in your hand. Take notes, and try to get those sounds and chords from your head to come alive. Well thought process is half done!

  RR: Both of you found your ways to each other from all over the world. How did this happen?!

VK: I believe that you come to LA to find your band and leave LA to find your fans. We all came here to pursue our artistic dreams and ended up in a previous band together. It became pretty apparent that the three of us were on the same wavelength and wanted to create our own unique brand of rock, so we formed The Spider Accomplice.

Arno: We all were in the same situation; we were ready to leave the past and take a leap. LA is a massive city, and good connections are vital.

  RR: What do you enjoy most about the Los Angeles music scene?

Arno: Lots of great talents and amazing musicians everywhere. Competition keeps you on your toes.

  RR: To reel it back into your current music, a little birdie told me that you are in the final stages of tracking your new EP. What can you tell me about the upcoming release? What was the conceptual process like?

VK: The new EP will be the final installment of the Los Angeles Trilogy. The lyrical themes are all double-faceted— they speak about current societal issues, while at the same time reflect the personal struggles and revelations of our fictional protagonist, Bromelaid.

Arno: It will sound big, sonically. It’s the end of one story and has lots of emotions. I will be proud of this one forever.

  RR: What about the recording process? How did you enjoy it?

VK: This time around we didn’t do a traditional ‘block of time in the studio’ process; we each recorded remotely, and it allowed us to work without hourly cost constraints and put in as much time as we each saw fit. Arno really spearheaded things by recording the guitars, bass, etc. on his own equipment; Justin recorded his drums on his own, and I recorded vocals at Bill Metoyer’s studio with him, then we sent the whole lot to Glasgow, Scotland to be mixed and mastered by Matte Black Audio. Colin, the engineer, also handled our single ‘Swallow’ for us, so we were excited to work with him again.

Arno: I recorded my parts at my home studio, and that gave me freedom to spend time on sounds and scapes. But working by yourself is hard; you need to be objective, bring results and put 100% feeling in a song. You have to push yourself, and throw away mercilessly just ok sounding tracks and start again. “What would the best producers do?”

  RR: Why did you pick your newest release “Swallow” as the single? What do you want fans to know about this song?

VK: ‘Swallow’ really, for us, encapsulates the current cultural climate on many levels. But it also is a cautionary tale for the individual….you can only swallow so much poison before it’s in the blood and nothing can be made right again.

Arno: We had composed lots of acoustic music earlier the year, and we wanted to show that we hadn’t forgotten rock, and it was the best way to end the year, and also it was a sign of another beginning. Take a listen, it’s good tune!

  RR: Do you have a favorite song off of the record otherwise?

VK: For me, Epilogue is my favorite form the EP. Lyrically, I think it conveys an idea that I’ve been extrapolating from my experiences over the years, and I hope it offers some comfort and truth to listeners.

Arno: I’m proud of the quality of the songs on this one. Maybe the first one!

  RR: What attracted you to play in your musical genre?

VK: I don’t really think about genre. Our music incorporates so many different styles and sounds that I don’t know if we even really have a label to put on it. Which is fine with me. We just try to make good music.

Arno: Great musicians and good songs inspire me. Always compete with the best and learn from them. That’s just the most fun!

  RR: Favorite thing about performing on stage?!

VK: Seeing people sing along…seeing them smile or cry….those moments when I can see that the words meant something to them.

Arno: When band is tight and well rehearsed, the feeling must be like catching a good wave in Malibu:)

  RR: Tell me about some of your unique merch!

VK: Our logo is an electric pink spider, designed by Gogo Melone, and all our shirts and hoodies are practically glowing with it! But we also have adorable pink handmade spider keychains with blue rhinestones on their bellies that people love.

Arno: We have these adorable tiny sewn spiders that VKs mom made. Hopefully soon that will be her new dayjob (or hire others for that matter).

  RR: Any last words for fans before we conclude this interview?

VK: We’ve been very fortunate to have loyal supporters who have stuck with us through a lot of changes and we can’t wait to get on the road again and play for them all!

Arno: Thank you fans!! Your support is vital for our existence. Hopefully we’ll deliver with our new music! We’ll do our 100% to keep you here!

  CONNECT WITH THE SPIDER ACCOMPLICE HERE

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THE SPIDER ACCOMPLICE INTERVIEW was originally published on RockRevolt Mag

[devils-gatemedia]

For the first ‘proper’ day at Steelhouse Festival, the rain had stopped for a while, and in daylight it was clear just how much the weather had destroyed the site. It also became clear just how beautiful this place is, with views for miles and the biggest sky I have ever seen. Originally, we had been told we would be moved in the morning, but there was no way that was happening, so after levelling to a more comfortable angle, I whipped up a fry up and prepared the gear for a day’s rocking. On the way in, I got my first real glimpse of the Game Of Thrones Dragon skull that formed the centrepiece of the site, had a wander around some small, but intriguing trade stalls, and a look at the various catering options… not a massive selection, but enough to keep you fed and watered for three days and still not have tried all of them.

First up were local rockers Florence Black. The three piece are getting some serious industry attention at the moment, with Benji from Skindred stating he was looking forward to seeing them open the bill, and it is easy to see why. Named after a woman that used to carry coal back to her house by tying it onto a bike at the time of the Aberfan disaster, their powerful, no nonsense rock music, delivered with energy, will always have a place, and if their song writing can keep developing, they could be something special. Weirdly, a highlight was when they had a few technical issues. Many young bands would fold at that point, but instead, guitarist Tristan launched into a Hendrix inspired solo of the Welsh National Anthem. That near catastrophe became one of the set highlights. Throw in a Budgie cover to give the crowd a chance to reminisce, and they left to a lot of appreciation.

Following on from a band that could have walked to the festival were feisty Aussie rockers Tequila Mockingbyrd. A power three piece with some very catchy songs such as “I Smell Rock And Roll” (supported by one of the weirdest pieces of merch I have heard of… their own perfume), they go down a storm. Following recent line-up changes, bass player Jacinta Jaye is a whirl of hair and pumping rhythm, singer/guitarist Louisa Baker riffs with the best of them and has a deliciously raw voice, and at the back, original founding member Josie O’Toole. Possibly the smallest, and yet one of the most powerful, drummers I have had the pleasure of watching. Another band on an upward trajectory, and it was lovely to see them out in the mud afterwards, watching with the crowd.

Third on were a band I saw recently supporting Cheap Trick, and who have a massive following for a relatively new group. They play the social media game very well and have a great rapport with their fans, but that isn’t enough unless you can provide the goods on stage and record. Stone Broken do all that and then some. Their songs are catchy and memorable, and on stage they are everywhere in a whirl of action. Their new album is imminent and they treated us to a couple of previews with “Doesn’t Matter” and “Just A Memory”, the second of which had an almost industrial metal intro which showed the depth of their ability. Rich Moss has the looks and manner to front a boy band, Chris Davis leads with some great lines and rhythm section Kieron Conroy and Robyn Haycock are a formidable team. Three bands in, three great sets and a glimpse at the future of British Rock music.

Then, someone winds the clock back to the glorious past, and it is time for the re-appearance of Bernie Marsden for an acoustic set. Now, it is time for a confession. I do this ‘job’ because I love this music, and I often get strange looks from other ‘togs when I clap at the end of a great song or move with the rhythm as I shoot, but with Bernie I sang every word! “Till The Day I Die”, “Ain’t Gonna Cry No More”, “Is This Love?���, “Here I Go Again”, a stunning bluesy “Ain’t No Love In The Heart Of The City”, a bit of Peter Green, some Beatles, all mixed with delightful little stories, self-deprecating humour, and glorious musicianship… all had me utterly entranced. The reaction from the crowd seemed to genuinely surprise Bernie, but he shaped their past, and for 45 minutes we all became our teenaged selves in his presence.

It was fitting that Inglorious followed Bernie, as they are probably the closest thing on the scene today to those monster bands of the early 80’s, and their influences are clear. No nu metal or pop punk here! Fronted by the massive voice of Nathan James, who appears on stage in a dragon kaftan and shades, every song is a hook-laden throwback to stadium rock when it was born, yet sounds totally modern. The essence of Inglorious is contained in the anthemic ”Until I Die”. Hammond organ leads into thundering drums and a chopping guitar that builds until a glorious riff takes over that makes your head spontaneously nod in time until Nathan’s vocals soar into the clouds that fill the sky. The throwbacks continue with a drum and bass solo (the only part of the set I really wasn’t sure about), before another of those massive anthems, “Holy Water”. The guitar, courtesy of Andreas Eriksson, is delightfully funky, and the chorus is simply huge as he is joined by the rest of the band. It will be interesting to see where the band goes from here, as they have reached the point of being mid bill at a large festival. Will they keep rising towards headliner status, or start to bottom out?

Three bands left, and now we are getting to the established bands that caused people to buy tickets in the first place. I was definitely in the minority in that I wasn’t overwhelmed by Monster Truck. It may have been that the rain started falling again after keeping away for most of the day, but somehow they didn’t grab my attention. The Canadian foursome have a huge sound, exemplified by the cracking “Don’t Tell Me How To Live”, and it was clear that the crowd loved every second of their set, but I guess we all have different tastes, and I found myself wandering around the arena within earshot rather than absorbing every moment.

Penultimate band of the day were Last In Line. This was my first time seeing them, and I think it is fair to say that as far as most people at the festival were concerned, they could have headlined. Made up of the classic era Dio members Vivian Campbell and Vinny Appice, alongside Andrew Freeman (a more than capable substitute for the much missed Ronnie James), Phil Soussan (again, a capable substitute for the more recently departed Jimmy Bain), and Erik Norlander on keyboards, they gave new life to the wonderful songs of the past, as well as new recordings that blended seamlessly into the set. “Stand Up And Shout” opens the show with a bang and Dio favourites such as “Holy Diver” and “Rainbow In The Dark” have the crowd in the palm of Last In Line’s hand. Mixed with self-penned songs such as “Devil In Me” and “Starmaker”, their set is a triumph, and for many people, the highlight of the weekend.

Skindred, are a somewhat controversial choice at a classic metal festival, according to many that I chatted to. By the time they hit the stage, the rain was back with a vengeance, but there was no way that was going to stop Benji and the boys from rocking a home festival top of the bill. You know what you are going to get at a Skindred gig. Benji is probably one of the best showmen in the genre and constantly interacts with the crowd (I suspect at a “family” festival a few parents were wincing at the colourful language though). We get all the favourites, usually bought in with a searing riff from suited and gloriously bearded guitarist Mikey Demus. “Kill The Power”, “Nobody”, “Ninja”, “Doom Riff”, “Ratrace” and “Pressure” all raise the energy levels, and there is contrast when Benji tells the story of a friend that died from cancer as an intro to “Saying It Now”, a genuinely emotional and poignant song that becomes even more so played acoustically. Of course, there is one thing everyone is waiting for on home ground, and the band return for the crushing “Warning” and possibly the wettest ‘Newport Helicopter’ in history. I am a fan of Skindred. I have seen them more than any other band, and they never fail to entertain, be it in a sweaty club, or at Download, but I suspect those who went to see them loved every second, and those who thought they were the wrong headliner left early, which was their loss.

Review and images from the weekend – Rob Wilkins

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  Review: Steelhouse Festival – Saturday For the first 'proper' day at Steelhouse Festival, the rain had stopped for a while, and in daylight it was clear just how much the weather had destroyed the site.