#And yes I spent an hour trying to find the exact model of flip phone that she had in the anime

[eliseyweeseylol]

Momo Adachi from Peach girl who l tried to make like Y2K and gyaru

Also if your wondering I didn’t have an alcohol marker with the right skin tone so that’s why she’s darker than usual (traditional art problems bru) it’s fine tho I like how it turned out

[halfway-happyyy]

Okay... so I spent a good portion of yesterday putting together a baby bouncer toy for my 4 month old nephew that just did not want to be put together at all. Now I can’t stop thinking of Alex with a pregnant s/o and coming home to find her trying and failing to put together a baby toy and she’s just really frustrated. Alex is all like “babe it’s okay. I’ll do it” but he ends up having a hard time with it as well. Do you think you could write something for this?

Hi friend! This was a cute suggestion, so thanks for sending it in! Hope you enjoy 💕tw: pregnancy

“What have you got on the go today, kid?”

You glanced out the garden window, at the rain hammering down on your plants and you breathed a near-silent sigh of relief. “Not much… except that I’m going to be ambitious and put together the bright stars baby bouncer mum and dad bought us.”

Alexander whistled on the other end. “Ambitious is right… we’re not due for another two months.”

We. As if pushing a nine-pound baby out of your body was something he had in common with you.

Arching your back, you waddled over to the coffee maker and took the coffee that had been poured for you a few moments ago. “Yeah well these next two months are going to absolutely fly by, Alex.”

“This whole thing has flown by, kid. Feels like just yesterday you found out you were pregnant.” Somebody on the other end could be heard saying something to Alexander and he cleared his throat. “I’ve got to get back to the meeting, but I’ll be home in good time tonight, okay? We can do dinner together.”

You smiled at the thought of it. “Sounds good, babe. See you then.” You allowed yourself a few more tentative sips of the warm liquid before you and your dog Milo headed out into the living room to start unboxing the bouncer. “How hard could this be, hm?” You asked to no one in particular as you scratched behind the dog’s velvet-soft ears. “In two months, I’m going to have a living, breathing, pooping, crying creature in my care… this is going to be a piece of cake, hey Milo?” An hour passed and all you had managed to put together was the frame of the bouncer and even then- it seemed dodgy. Possibly too dodgy for a baby. So, you took a deep breath and began to take the metal frame apart. You then scoured Youtube for fifteen minutes for a tutorial and to your utmost pleasure and surprise, there was a how-to video for your exact model. You tried to follow along as best you could but there was something that just was not working for you. Maybe the model was defective? Maybe you needed to box the entire thing up and bring it back to BabiesRUs? You had been about to admit defeat- at almost seven months pregnant, this was the last thing you wanted to be doing on a rainy Thursday afternoon. But then you considered how satisfying it would feel to conquer the Everest of baby bouncers and you set right back to work. It was going better than it had the first time- pieces were fitting into place, metal poles were sliding into the right holes and just when you figured you were starting to get somewhere, it started to come apart. Another two hours had managed to edge by you, and you were ready to walk away.

“Honey, I’m home!”

You doubt you had ever been more relieved to hear Alexander’s voice than right in this moment. “I’m in here,” You sighed, utterly dejected. You could make out the familiar sound of his keys in the glass dish in the front hallway, and the sound of desert boots as they hit the back of the wall in the front hall closet.

“Well, that wrapped up way quicker than what I had originally planned- woah,” He murmured when he caught site of you, splayed out on the hardwood floor. “You’re still working on this?”

“Yes, Alexander. I’m still working on this.” It held much more venom than you had intended it to, but if it bothered him, he never let it show.

“Okay- let me just change into some different clothes and I will uh… I’ll get right down on the floor and help you.” He gestured to the bedroom down the hall and disappeared.

When he returned, he was clad in a pair of worn denim jeans and a holey t shirt. “Alright, kid. Let’s do this. How hard can it be?”

A puff of air escaped your mouth in exasperation, and you shrugged your shoulders expectantly. “That’s exactly what I said when I began this godforsaken endeavor.” You picked absentmindedly at a spot of polish on your fingernail and lifted your gaze to his. “Alex… if I can’t put together a baby bouncer, how the hell am I going to care for an actual baby?” Your voice had begun to falter, the threat of tears prickled in your eyes.

“Oh baby,” Alexander leaned over to you and threw an arm around your shoulders protectively. “Don’t do this to yourself.” He pressed his lips to the top of your head. “I think they make these things purposefully difficult to assemble, you know? Like they’re testing us.” He reached for the instruction booklet beside you and flipped through it, determinedly. “Together, we’ll get through this.”

“Your excessive positivity towards this is kind of turning me on,” You sniffled.

Alexander wiggled his eyebrows seductively. “We’ll get this thing set up in no time, and then I can show you just how positive I can really be…”

Another hour had cinched by and like you, he had felt the need to dismantle the entire thing again. “Alex, I’m telling you I did the same thing, I think we just need to watch the tutorial again.”

His face dropped. “There’s a tutorial?”

“Uh… yeah.”

“You mean to tell me that I’ve been tinkering with this thing for over an hour and there is a Youtube tutorial for it?”

You nodded. “It’s not that great, but you might find it more useful than I did.”

Alexander took a deep breath and pulled it up on his phone. “If this doesn’t work, we’re packing it up and returning it.”

He watched the full five-minute video three times before he felt confident enough to begin building it again. You were skeptical about it to begin with; he just was not fitting the pieces into the right spots because they just kept popping back out. Beads of sweat began collecting on his forehead, god knows what his blood pressure was. He swore in Swedish under his breath and tossed the instruction book halfway across the room. You watched, mildly amused, as Milo took flight down the hallway. “Okay, two things.” He whispered through clenched teeth.

“Yeah?”

He pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger and inhaled a deep breath. “First thing: we are ordering in tonight.” He released a heavy sigh. “Second thing: I know someone perfect for this job. Someone whose patience and positive temperament knows no bounds.” Alexander leaned towards you to press a kiss to your burgeoning bump. “This, my little beach ball, is a job for uncle Gustaf.”

[into-crazy]

Man Under the Makeup Pt. 5

Arthur Fleck/Joker x Female Reader series

Warnings- Cursing, doubtful thoughts?

You can find the other parts RIGHT HERE and through the “Man Under the Makeup” tag lovelies!💘

You couldn't get Arthur off of your mind since that night. Going to bed every night thinking about him, to waking up wondering if he was okay. If he was still alive. Hoping he didn't get arrested. Though it's only been a couple of days- 5 to be exact- not that you're counting intentionally. Alright, alright.. Yes, you are counting intentionally. But who could blame you? It was worrying having him out there like that. Watching the news every night, Joker and the mobs tend to be the top topics.

Fire breaks out at the Wealth ball led by the Joker! Dangerous criminal Joker still at large! Violent clown group follow the Joker, shutting down major roads! All of which continue to make the headlines, and not in a good way- according to Gotham City P. D.

The only reassurance being the occasional calls you get from him. A different number each time, since he doesn't have his own line. Picking up the phone and hearing his voice on the other end, you would always exhale with relief. His calls wouldn't last too long- maybe 15 minutes at the most. Still, every call you make sure to ask how he was doing. Checking in on him.

Arthur refuses to hang up the phone until you confirmed you were fine. He tries to call every chance he gets, but he also doesn't want to overdo it. Since you work during the day, he calls more often in the evenings. Leaving sweet voicemails when you don't get the chance to answer the phone- like when you're not home yet or taking a shower.

~~

Slowly trudging through the entry doors of the complex you reside, you make way over to the mailbox area. Heavily exhaling as you stick the key into your box.

It's been a long, frustrating day. You were supposed to be home 3 fucking hours ago, however that wasn't the case. One of the other main secretaries was apparently fired yesterday. So lucky you- of course- were required to handle your regular work, AND cover for hers as well! It wasn't fair for you, having to stay longer than everyone else. Especially on a Friday night! But, that's the way it works. It's either suck it up and stay, or be fired right along with her. You've worked too hard to get this job, work in the city was difficult to come across. You can't afford to lose it when there's bills to pay and food to put on your plate.

Opening the small box, you lazily collect the contents inside. Shutting the door, you look over the mail. Junk mail.. junk mail.. water bill.. Flipping through each, one of the envelopes catches your attention. Unsealed, with child-like handwriting, it was addressed to you. Opening it, you pulled out a small, plain white card.

This reminded me of you. See you soon! Signed Arthur.

Unfolding the card, it revealed a beautifully dried flower inside. Pretty array of light pink petals, with a slim stem. A wide smile plastered across your tired face. Your mood completely turned around as happiness filled your chest. Rapidly radiating throughout the rest of your body. It's one of the sweetest gestures you received. Sweet, darling Arthur. Closing the card ever so smoothly, you head up to your apartment. Joyously awaiting his next phone call.

~~

Stepping out of a steamy shower, you heard the ringing of your phone coming from the living room. Wrapping a towel around your freshly clean body, you hurriedly make way to the phone. Each step leaving a trail of water behind. Snatching it off the receiver, you waste no time in answering. "Hello?"

"Hey y/n," Arthur calmly speaks, groaning slightly at the sound of you. "Mmph, how nice it is to hear your lovely voice. I hope I didn't interrupt anything."

He has this way of speaking to you sometimes that gets you weak in the knees and full in the chest. Starting out super brazen with his words- telling exactly what's on his mind, a deep husk in his voice. Then quickly shying back, higher pitched with a more considerate remark.

"Never. It's always nice hearing from you," you tuck the phone between your ear and shoulder. Taking a brush, running it through your wet locks. You can hear an ongoing noise in the distance. "Are you okay, sweetie?"

"I am now," he acknowledges, "I'm calling you from a payphone, farther down the street from the crowd."

You giggle, picturing him all clowned up standing in a phone booth. Hunched over, with the phone glued to his ear. Trying his hardest to confide your conversation more than what it already is. "Glad you could call. I received your card earlier," you return.

"Oh," he replies enthusiastically, "I was hoping you would."

"It's beautiful, thank you." You reply, lightly tracing the brush bristles with your fingertips.

"N-no need to thank me," he continues bashfully, "I'm sorry I've been so busy lately." He curses himself for not having the time to see you. Caught up with wrecking havoc throughout the city, it's hard enough as is to catch a break for himself. But the last thing he'd want, is you to feel inclined being put second to anything.

"It's okay Arthur," acknowledging you understand. Though it does bother you, you won't let him know it. You fully understand that he has to do what he has to do.

"No, it's not. I haven't made the effort to see you, but I will. I will make the time for you, y/n." He promises over the line. Gazing out the window of the booth, determined on making it a top priority. Because right now, you are his only real priority. Sure, running a gang, robbing banks, and torching buildings is fun and all. But at the end of the day, who is the one he calls? Who's the one he runs to? Who is the one that he- dare to admit- cares about?

Arthur kept his word. On your days off, plus select nights, he'd take you out. Of course, he always came and left as Joker. With the full on paint and costume, accompanied with at least 2 henchmen. Besides not trying to get caught, he also takes great caution in making sure no one identifies you. Upon your request, wishing to stay secluded in the privacy of your life.

It was difficult- clearing restaurants, finding empty theaters, getting him into your apartment undetected. Which wasn't really that hard once you both figured it out. It was just a matter of timing, bribing, and if it had to come down to it- threatening. But for you, it was worth it to him.

Time spent together was limited, due to him having to get back to business. By limited, it simply means he's unable to spend the night or fully remove himself from Joker- appearance wise. Never, by any means has he once rushed your valuable time together. Especially the calmer evenings which consisted of watching a flick and eating takeout in your place. He enjoys those the most.

There is just something special about being wrapped with you in the serenity of your home. Getting to witness you at your most comfortable- hair completely let down, hardly to no makeup, comfy clothes. Moments where you're both able to fully relax mentally beside one another.

He's very gentle and respectful towards you- very much Arthur. Contrary to how the Joker is with pretty much everyone else. To the world out there, he's labeled a monster. A complete, psychotic nut job with no consideration for his actions. A man who will kill anyone in his path. Cruel and heartless. You ignored all that talk. Yeah, he may be a bit extreme, but never with you.

Arthur still couldn't believe how lucky he is to have a woman like you in his life. Although he has you, he's still stuck in that "too good to be true" mindset. Been nothing but let down and hurt his entire life. By the people he considered friends, those he looked up to as role models, family.. Even his own mind gets the best of him sometimes, creating false illusions. Broken promises that he wish were true. Only tearing him down once he comes to the realization that they weren't.

Yet here you are, a beautiful light shining into his world. His body felt warm in your tender presence. He just couldn't fully grasp it. The thought that you were a hallucination pondered his mind on some occasions. Resulting in him having his panic attacks and laughing fits. Many when he's alone, and a few in your company.

However, with every word from your soothing lips, every soft embrace, each beautiful gaze when he meets your eyes- just prove to him you are in fact- real. Canceling away all those conflicting concerns. No doubt, he's falling for you. Hard.

End of part 5. Sorry it was so short!

[silvensei]

In This Mad Machinery

A human and an android swap bodies, resulting in identity crises, existentialism, philosophy with the boys, and fun!

Detroit: Become Human | gen | 20k | rated T | introspective comedy/sci-fi

Chapter 6 (3.5k words) | [AO3 link] | [first] | < prev | next >

- - - - - - - - - -

Hank and Markus were already chatting on the sidewalk when Connor got there. He parked the car in front of them and rolled down the passenger window. “Hello, Markus.”

“Connor!” It was Markus’ turn to lean his forearms on the window. “And here I was, thinking nothing more could surprise me.”

“Quite the surprise for us, too. I hope the Lieutenant didn’t interrupt anything.”

“No, not at all. It’s a very good sign that the humans are more curious about us than hostile. Do you really think they would’ve emailed a free android the key to stealing a human body a year ago?”

Connor smiled. “That’s true. Knowledge of this still won’t disseminate to the public for a long time, though. I figured you at least should get a heads-up, just in case we need to keep CyberLife in check.”

“About that….” He raised an eyebrow. “I appreciate the consideration, but didn’t CyberLife ask to keep it to you two?”

Connor hesitated, trying to recall their exact wording. “Not explicitly.”

“But they did want it on the down low. And Hank gave me the email through your memories, which opened that it’s only for the intended parties, of which I am not. And he’s got that all recorded, thanks to the black box running in his head.”

“Oh….” The recording of the event that CyberLife wanted back from them. He had completely forgotten. “You know, the expression ‘it slipped my mind’ makes so much more sense once you know what the human brain is like.” He rubbed his eyes. He wasn’t sure why he did, but he felt better after. “It would take way more than a day to get used to it, Markus.”

“Of that, I’ve no doubt,” he laughed. Clapping his hands together, he stepped back from the car. “But you can tell me all about it later. You only have a couple hours left, right?”

“Two hours, forty-seven minutes, give or take an hour,” said Hank, opening the door. “It’s like there’s a big countdown clock in the back of my head. Numbers this, schedule that. So orderly and organized. Fuckin’ overbearing.”

“And I was just about to miss your vulgarity in my voice,” said Connor.

“Oh? What’s that?” Hank buckled the seatbelt before cupping a hand around his ear. “Is that a joke? Picking up my humor? Should I be charging royalties?”

Before he could come up with a clever response, Markus interjected with a farewell and a reminder to keep in touch, maybe have a proper visit sometime soon. They waved, and then Connor started the car down the block.

“Kid, this head of yours?” Hank held up his hands, fingers splayed, emphasizing, “In. Sane. I watched like six classical painting tutorials in seconds, then calculated some predictive program that knew what each brush stroke would look like. I went from zip to forging Monets in twenty-six minutes. If I weren’t an officer of the law and you weren’t Mother Teresa, we could be rich! Stop sign.”

“Stop—?!” He hit the brakes, jolting to a halt at the intersection. There weren’t any other cars around, thanks to the suburban neighborhood. Connor’s heart was thumping in his chest; he could hear the blood pumping in his ears. It wasn’t enjoyable. He took a breath. “Sorry, Lieutenant. In contrast to your newfound hyper-awareness, I’m finding it hard to focus like I’m used to.”

“Ah. Understandable, that makes sense. Want me to drive, then?”

“That might be a good idea, yes.”

He climbed out of the driver’s seat and went around to the other side. There still wasn’t a car in sight. Then why did they even need a stop sign there in the first place?

Back in the car, Hank drummed his hands on the steering wheel while Connor fumbled for the seat belt. “So where are we going, anyway?” he asked. “With a six- to eight-hour time frame, that doesn’t give us a real definite end time, varying by up to—fucking math….”

The latch clicked. Where should they go next? What else would be quintessential to the human experience, something so unique Hank attempted to trademark it? What do humans do anyway?

They’re emotional, so pastimes often include a neurological reaction. Adrenalin rushes were common through thrillers and death-defying death traps, but it would take more time than they had. If not reactionary, then it was stimulated intentionally. They could go to a bar, but that would be pointless for Hank, and Connor didn’t particularly want to give up lucidity when he was supposed to be figuring himself out. Right up there with alcohol were drugs and sex, both of which were disrespectful to his host. The mere thought of them left a bad taste in his mouth—an expression he certainly didn’t expect to be literal.

Once he got distracted by that, his thoughts flooded over, once again overwhelming his head. “God damn,” he groaned, sinking into the passenger seat to try to escape the torrent. “Maybe just…home? I think I just need to be able to think things through.”

Hank didn’t answer immediately. Connor caught him looking his way for a moment before he shifted to first gear. “Home it is, then. Too much to process without a processor. Happens to the best of us, and I’ve found the best solution is a cold beer and a warm dog.” Then he drove off through the quiet neighborhood.

As they accelerated, the wind started whipping his hair around through the open window. Normally, it wouldn’t be a bother, but Hank’s hair was much longer than his, and he had to comb it out of his face whenever it got too obtrusive. He was glad he didn’t have long hair: his was long enough to appear amicable and open as was his function as a detective, yet short enough that it kept out of his way.

His hair. As in, the RK800’s hair. Even though that wasn’t his at the moment, he still considered it his. Even though it was actively and currently being used by someone else, he still considered it his. Because he knew that it was only temporary, he justified, and it would be his again soon.

Only temporary. Then back to his short hair, spry figure, adjustable senses, SSD memory, network connection, parallel processes….

When he laid it all out like that, it really did sound like he was talking about a computer. Did that really constitute as a life?

It must, right? He had lived it. He was alive. And now he was living out a human life, so his existence must allow the capability of living.

But it’s temporary, a sampling of what could’ve been before being cut off from real emotions again. Before not being able to feel the sun’s radiation prickle along his skin. Before becoming unable to taste all the cuisines man spent so many centuries refining.

His throat constricted slightly, just enough to become uncomfortable. An unknown reaction like that would have never happened in his own body. He lamented his inability to research what it meant before he remembered Hank’s phone. That was something humans did: frequently check their phones. Some factual research would be a welcome distraction from his inconclusive pessimistic thoughts.

Connor pulled out Hank’s phone, unlocking it with his thumbprint (breaking and entering?). As he loaded the browser and began formulating his first search query, the feeling slowly lessened, disappearing sometime while he was reading the first webpage.

At least he knew that he definitely would not miss how long it took humans to read.

- - - - - - - - - -

He was in the middle of calculating his heart rate, two fingers pressed under his jaw and a half-read article on heart disease on the screen, when the soft radio and rumbling engine shut off. “You’re not killin’ me, are ya?” asked Hank.

“Hopefully not. Just making sure.” Connor got out of the car, waiting for Hank to lock up and get the front door. He decided against finishing the article and put the phone away. He didn’t think the results would make him feel better.

Hank opened the door and threw the keys onto the nearest table. “Howdy, Sumo!” he called as he kicked off his shoes.

Connor spotted the dog in the kitchen, picking his head up but not rising to greet them like usual. He must still be thrown off by earlier. As Connor untied his shoes, Hank crouched by Sumo, scratching his head and saying something he couldn’t hear. Sumo’s tail started thumping on the floor.

Hank jumped to his feet, continuing to hop in place a few times. “Think I can do a backflip?” he asked out of nowhere. “Never seen you do any sick flips.”

“Uh…possibly? It’s not really what my model was designed for, though.”

“Hmm.” He stopped and rolled his shoulders. “Alright, maybe you should try it before I do, then.”

“That would ensure the most safety for all involved.”

“Don’t say that; you’ll make me calculate risks and shit.”

Connor smiled. “I understand.”

“I’m sure you do.” Hank opened the fridge. “How do androids handle their liquor?”

“I wouldn’t recommend it.”

He glanced up over the door. “No shit?”

“Not in the sense that we get drunk. The ethanol is easily combustible and can raise internal temperatures too quickly, potentially boiling thirium.”

“…But a little won’t hurt?”

Connor opened his mouth to contest before Hank raised a finger with a distracted glance. Then he nodded. “One won’t hurt.”

He ignored Connor’s half-hearted arguments as he retrieved two beers, kicked closed the door, and jumped onto the couch. Hank did have more of the facts now than he did…. He’d verify his search later, he concluded, and brought the bottle opener from the coffee table into the living room. “So long as you did your research, Lieutenant.”

“Please. There’s no way I could’ve not.” With an expert flick of the wrist, Hank popped the caps off and held one out. “Wanna watch something?”

Connor sat down, appreciating the compression leaving his bones. The bottle was cold in his hand, becoming more uncomfortable by the second; he minimized contacted surface area by holding the neck between two fingers. “I suppose.”

Saturday afternoon television consisted of a hodgepodge of reruns, final minutes of sports games, and movies. Hank surfed for a bit before settling on a movie that exploded onto the screen in the middle of a fight. Connor, by this point, was reluctantly resigned to his lack of a search engine.

He sipped his beer. It tingled his tongue in a way that reminded him of his coffee earlier—bitter. There was another taste there, too, something that smoothed out the bitterness. It was pleasant; his bet was on ‘sweet.’ Overall, he’d say he liked it. Of course he liked it; Hank had lived off the stuff for years.

Hank’s bottle appeared inches from his face. “It’s just giving me warnings about alcohol flammability. Not worth it.”

“O-Oh….” He reluctantly took it, held it a few seconds, then set it on the table, unsure if he even wanted to finish one, let alone two. Even though the moment had passed by the time he thought of it, he added, “Told you so.”

“Wow. You completely missed both the comedic and vindictive timings there. You’re really out of it.”

“Well. It’s just…. I feel really….” He wrapped his arms around himself, holding his beer off to the side. He wasn’t entirely sure why he did it. It just seemed more secure like that. And warm. “…really weird.”

“Of course you feel weird, this is fuckin’ weird. You were a robot this morning.”

“But am I still?”

“Hm?”

Connor’s voice quieted, not entirely sure what can of worms he was opening. “Am I an android?”

“Of course—”

“I’m not, though,” he interrupted, staring at the table. “To anyone that asked right now, by all definitions of the term, I am not an android. I breathe and have blood and lack even an iota of machinery, so what does it matter that it wasn’t my body yesterday? What’s the difference? Where is the line drawn between us?”

“Maybe there isn’t a difference.”

“Yeah, Hank, I know, I’m a sentient individual just like any human, but isn’t there?” He gripped his sleeve. “Even I know it’s not normal to turn on a computer only to have it demand equal rights. It was a marvel of engineering and nobody knows how it happened, but somehow it made me and millions of others, and now it looks like it’s completely fine for this computer to just continue existing as a human like nothing’s really changed. But god damn it, everything’s changed! Once upon a time CyberLife built a robot and now it’s drinking a beer and questioning existence, so what does that make me? Because it sure as hell doesn’t sound like I’m an android anymore.”

“Oh, boy.” Hank turned to face him, crossing his legs under him and resting his forearms on his knees. “C’mere, look at me.”

Connor took a small breath before turning his head. The RK800 next to him was an odd sight: A highly advanced investigative prototype in somewhat faded jeans and a tee two sizes too big? It would’ve been inconceivable a year ago. It was completely against design, and yet here it was, and in a domestic setting. After a few seconds, he realized the curve in the shoulders was familiar, the arch of the eyebrows sympathetic and recognizable. Even in an RK800 chassis—his chassis—his mannerisms still made it clear it was Hank in there.

Hank watched him with the same careful scrutiny, looking for something in his face. “Kid, I don’t know,” he eventually admitted. “No one knows. Most stumble through life without ever thinking about it. Even CyberLife with all its awards doesn’t know; if they did, we wouldn’t be sitting here in front of a fun house mirror right now.

“So my thoughts on the matter are the same as they were before: To me, it just doesn’t matter. You are who you are. But.” He paused for a moment. His hand moved to rest on the back of his neck as he averted his gaze. “I’m a human in a human’s world. I think not having to worry about identity is a privilege I didn’t realize I have. It’s something we all probably have to come to terms with as androids start to pave their own way. But there really might not be a difference. Humans hate other humans for dumb shit, so I’d bet this is just a continuation of the ‘us and them’ mentality. Maybe all someone needs to exist is a brain that questions if it exists, like that guy said—René Descartes, Discourse on the Method, 1637, “—it was absolutely necessary that I, who thus thought, should be something; And as I observed that this truth, I think, therefore I am—” and so on and such.”

Connor turned slightly to rest his cheek on the back of the couch. It didn’t ease his worries, but his body relaxed into the cushions. “But how can a computer suddenly get life? If the soul is something organic, a machine can’t have one.”

“Having a soul is a belief. It’s something to trust in, to—”

“It’s not, though. It’s a simple ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answer: Do I have a soul?”

Hank didn’t answer right away. Connor felt like he was running in circles, dropped into the middle of a void he didn’t know existed yesterday. He felt irritated—confused—helpless—and at the same time, weak, like he should just give up and curl up on the couch and try to forget it all.

“Connor.”

He opened his eyes. (When did they close?)

“Rome wasn’t built in a day,” said Hank. His LED cycled yellow. “And I think we’ve done enough building for one day. So why don’t you have some more alcohol and go take a nap, hm?”

“Wh—” The suggestion temporarily took up his entire processing capacity. He blinked and clarified, “I should go sleep? I’m only human for an afternoon and I should sleep?”

“Sure, why not? You look tired. Ah-ah—!” He held up a hand to cut off his rebuttal. “And we don’t know when exactly this’ll wear off or if I’ll get notified about it. Wouldn’t want you passing out on your feet, dropping my empty body to smash its head on something.”

That was a good point. “I could just stay here, though. Is it really the best use of my time right now to sleep?”

“To sleep, perchance to dream. Who knows,” Hank smirked, “maybe you’ll count some electric sheep. I kinda want to know.”

His lips parted, trying to parse the random statement. He wagered a guess and said, “That’s a reference that I can’t look up right now.”

“I’ll give you points for that. It’s a book. Only seen the movie, though. Oh.” Hank’s eyes narrowed slightly, glaring into the middle distance. “I just got the strangest urge to hit myself. I think your body’s biased, Connor. CyberLife has it out for me and my Blade Runner addiction.”

“I….” He was so lost right now. “I don’t…think that’s true?”

“Beer.” With a pat on his shoulder, Hank stood up, arms crossed. “It’ll help you sleep better.”

Connor sighed. Maybe enough was enough for one day. Maybe he just needed time to think things through. Hank was looking down at him in a way that made it clear he didn’t really have a choice, either. Not to mention looking down at him wearing his face, which made his stomach condense into an uncomfortable knot. He took a longer sip of his beer before setting the half-empty bottle next to its twin. “Alright,” he conceded, pushing himself to his feet. “Alright. Thanks, Hank.”

He stumbled, pulled into a hug. Hank wrapped his arms around his neck and shoulders, and after a moment of surprise, Connor hesitantly did the same. His clothes were soft, his skin smooth and cool, much cooler than when he was human. He realized he was the warmer of the two now and wondered why Hank ever bothered hugging an android when there didn’t seem to be anything to gain from it.

But then Hank tightened his grip and rested his chin on his shoulder, and immediately Connor felt relieved—secure—contented—stable—his anxieties melting away—like he could just stay like this and forget the future. His breath caught. Like all that mattered was here and now.

And he felt okay with that.

“Your hair’s tickling my ear. My hair. Why hasn’t anyone told me that before.”

Connor smiled. Typical Hank, shirking from being too sentimental.

“And you’re just a little shorter than me. I gotta crane my neck a bit now to do this.”

“Alright, I get it.” He pulled away, combing back his hair.

Hank snickered and waved him off. “Open the blinds if you want.” He returned to the couch, clicking his tongue to call Sumo.

Connor glanced at the TV, movie forgotten. It still looked the same as when they turned it on. He patted Sumo as he walked by before heading to Hank’s room.

He left the door open behind him. He wasn’t even really sure if he could sleep. Does he just lie there or…? Whatever the case, a fluffy pillow looked comfortable to rest his head against. He lied down on his back, folding his hands over his midriff. The quiet sounds of the television grew softer still—Hank must’ve turned down the volume.

Like each time before, not having gravity compressing his shoulders was an instant subtle relief. He sighed and closed his eyes. Maybe it’ll just happen? He wasn’t aware of humans having manual control over their states of consciousness. If he tried to think less, maybe it would trigger the low-power mode that is sleep.

He shouldn’t be here. This shouldn’t be a problem that androids ever have to experience. But it was also an opportunity to see something no one has before. He should try to be in the moment. He can pick apart the details later.

What did Hank make a joke about, counting sheep? That was a saying that sounded familiar: something mundane to lull him into a passive thought process. Might as well give it a try.

He got bored of sheep after forty-one and decided to instead list and picture dog breeds alphabetically. He remembered getting to the Finnish Spitz, after which it got hazy, like the world had faded away.

[next >]

[ncmagroup]

Written by Scott Tousley

No one wants to procrastinate. No one wants to feel stressed. No one wants to face distractions every day.

But we do. Myself included.

But what about the most successful people in the world? How do they stay sane? Surely, they must face distractions every day. What are the habits that keep them focused? That’s the exact question we set out to discover:

What are the productivity habits behind the world’s top CEOs, entrepreneurs, and innovators?

Diving deep into the minds of highly-successful people, we wanted to find out:

How do they stay focused and overcome productivity killers?

How do they maximize the amount of energy they have throughout the day, without overly relying on caffeine?

How do they avoid procrastinating difficult, mentally-challenging tasks?

After hours upon hours of research, we uncovered some fascinating trends.

I’ve personally adopted a few of these habits and I’ve found myself working exponentially faster, crushing my goals, and sustaining more energy throughout the day.

Want the same results? Here are 13 habits to experiment with, common among hyper-productive people:

Habit 1: They take breaks throughout the day.

Research validates that brief breaks from a task dramatically improves one’s focus and productivity. Why?

Well, our biological clock ticks in two forms: 

Circadian Rhythms

Ultradian Rhythms

Our Circadian Rhythms – which run in 24-hour periods – are our body’s natural release of melatonin, dictating when we’re energized or exhausted. Here’s what it looks like:

Our Ultradian Rhythms, which run in 90-minute periods, are the ebbs and flows of energy throughout the day.

For example, we can be “in the zone” for 90 minutes, but after that, we’ll feel a little tired and need to recharge. That’s our body’s natural Ultradian Rhythms kicking in, which look like this:

Highly-productive people understand that managing their energy is as important as managing their time.  

And the “Pomodoro Technique” is an efficient way to start putting this into practice …

Action Step: Try the Pomodoro Technique

To sustain energy throughout the day, try the Pomodoro Technique. Work in 25-minute intervals then takes a 5-minute break. It looks like this:

  Habit 2: They work backward from the future.

Steve Jobs once said:

If today was the last day of my life, would I want to do what I’m about to do today?

Steve Jobs    

If too many days passed by with the answer being “no,” he’d adjust his lifestyle until he hit a consistent yes (which eventually created a company worth $702 billion). This forced Steve to:

1. define long-term goals

2. stay motivated 

Highly-productive people think about the end of their lives. They define how they want to be remembered. What legacy they want to leave. Or what people will say about them at their funerals. 

Then work backward to achieve those goals. 

This touches on the psychological theories and models of motivation. If we’re driven by a purpose, we’re more likely to work extra hard. As an award-winning author, Simon Sinek, says:

  People don’t buy what you do; they buy why you do it.

Simon Sinek   

Highly-productive people start by defining their purpose, or their “personal mission statement.”

Defining their mission creates long-term goals. Long-term goals create smaller goals. Smaller goals create to-do lists.

Thus, it all starts with defining our purpose. What is yours?

Action Step: Define Your Personal Mission Statement

Writing a personal mission statement requires introspection. Asking yourself:

  What am I actually passionate about? (Lifehack alert: To find what you’re passionate about, ask yourself, “If all jobs paid the same, what would I do for work?”)

  What can I do better than most people, or comes easier for me than others?

  What do I want people to say about me at my funeral?

  Habit 3: They create a to-do list sub-deadlines the night before.

Highly-productive people all possess a similar trait: They narrowly focus on their MITs (Most Important Tasks). There are two effective methods for this:

1.  Writing a to-do list the night before.

2. Putting sub-deadlines on the most important task.

For example, let’s say the most important task is getting a 10-slide presentation deck finalized. A highly-productive person would create sub-deadlines for that task the night before, which looks like this:

  9:00 – 10:00 am: outline the presentation

  10:00 – 11:30 am: write copy for the presentation

  11:30 – 12:30 pm: create all images for the presentation

  12:30 pm: lunch w/ Jack

Creating sub-deadlines forces the person to abide by Parkinson’s Law. This essentially means if something is due at the last minute, it only takes a minute to do.   

Action Step: Write Your To-Do List At Night

Plan your entire day the night before.

Step 1: Define your most important task.

Step 2: Break that into smaller sub-tasks.

Step 3: Create deadlines for each smaller sub-task.

This forces you to abide by tighter deadlines and be realistic about what you can accomplish.

Habit 4: They leverage tools to prevent internal distractions.

Sure, it’s easy to plan our days, but distractions happen. And they come in two forms: 

1. Distractions from ourselves

2. Distractions from other people

Often times the biggest distractions come from within. We think of something, then Google it. We check Facebook, Twitter, or some other website. Or we start flipping through other addicting smartphone apps.

Highly-productive people remove internal distractions by:

Downloading website-blocking apps, such as StayFocusd, to limit the time spent on certain websites (ex. Facebook)

Shutting off Wi-Fi when working on MITs (most important tasks).

  “Burying” distracting apps on the last page of their phones.

Isolating themselves with a fully-charged laptop, then racing against the life of their battery to finish their main task (aka a Dead Battery Sprint).

All three drastically reduce distractions. But what about distractions from others?

Action Step: Save Yourself From Distracting Yourself

Stop internal distractions by following these steps:

Step 1: StayFocusd to stop procrastinating on Facebook, Twitter, etc.

Step 2: Bury distracting apps on the last page of your phone

Step 3: Shut off your Wi-Fi to remove any potential “Black Hole Browsing”

Habit 5: They keep a separate to-do list for daily distractions.

How do highly-productive people stay focused in the midst of emails, phone calls, chat messages, text messages, and requests from others?

They keep a separate to-do list for daily distractions.

For example, if a coworker asks them to review their sales presentation slides, they’d respond with something like:

Re: Can you look at this?

Hey (name),

No problem, happy to help.

I’m on a tight deadline right now, so would it be possible if I got back to you later today?

Nine out of ten times the responses will be:

“Sure! No problem. Take your time.” 

Then this request is logged on a separate to-do list, which is completed after the day’s most important task:

  Dwight Eisenhower has a beautiful quote on this:

  What’s important is not always urgent. And what’s urgent is not always important.

Dwight Eisenhower  

Highly-productive people don’t let daily distractions pull them from their long-term goals.

A helpful tool for defining these distractions is the Eisenhower Matrix, which helps clarify important versus urgent tasks. Here are a few examples:

Action Step: Define Your Eisenhower Matrix

What tasks are important to you? Which are not? What are frequent distractions? Write them down:

1. The tasks that have the greatest impact on my career are ______________.

2. The tasks I do often, but I don’t really benefit long-term career growth are  _________.

3. My most common day-to-day distractions are _____________.

Then figure out how you can outsource or delegate the tasks that have the least impact.

Habit 6: They use email tools/systems to optimize their inbox.

Email sucks.

It can feel like the Greek story of Sisyphus. Despite how determined we are to get to inbox zero, there’s always something new coming in. It can feel like we’re pushing a boulder up a hill:

  Email batching, the systematic approach of checking email in certain blocks throughout the day, helps keep email under control. But if it’s REALLY crazy, and you’re receiving hundreds of emails per day, SaneBox helps cut out the crap.

  SaneBox is used by highly-successful people in a variety of industries, such as Hiten Shah (CEO of KissMetrics), Tony Robbins (media personality), and Amy Hubbard (casting director of The Hobbit).

HubSpot Sales is another email productivity tool. It shows when someone opens an important email, allows scheduling of emails for later, and viewing contact profiles inside an inbox.

Sidekick is used by teams at major companies such as Oracle, Intuit, Moz, Wistia, Yelp, and more. 

Unroll.me is another fantastic tool. It lets you unsubscribe to multiple email lists at once:

Finally, learning email shortcuts can save up to 60 hours per year. There are email shortcuts for Gmail, Outlook, and Apple Mail. 

Action Step: Download Email Productivity Tools

Try email productivity tools such as:

  SaneBox for filtering out unimportant emails.

  Sidekick for seeing when someone opens an email (plus email scheduling and contact profiles).

  Unroll.me for mass-unsubscribing from newsletters.

These are the ���big three” email productivity tools that an inbox much easier to manage.

Habit 7: They build an exercise and healthy eating into their daily routines to increase mental energy.

Brian Balfour, a successful entrepreneur, and investor views his brain as a muscle:

“Think of your brain as a muscle. Just like your arms or legs, your brain needs fuel to do work, exercise to get stronger, and rest to recover. Overall physical fitness is the foundation to mental energy. If you are eating terribly, overweight, and generally not fit, how do you expect your brain to be fit? Regarding our diet, there are certain foods that are healthy fuels, and certain foods that will make you feel cloudy and lethargic.”

Research proves exercise makes our brain alert, attentive, and able to focus better. It’s fuel for our brains, just like what we eat. For example, compare these two lunches:

  Eat the BBQ pulled pork and you’re in a post-lunch food coma. Eat the salad and you’re loading your body with rich nutrients, providing more energy than before.

Unhealthy lunches (ex. BBQ sandwich and french fries) spikes our blood sugar, which triggers an insulin spike, which triggers that groggy feeling.

And as we all know, it’s impossible to focus through a food coma.

Action Step: Create Healthy “Tiny Habits”

Stanford behavioral psychologist, Dr. BJ Fogg, encourages people to try “Tiny Habits.” These are small, easy-to-do actions which trigger long-term behavior change.

To exercise more: Start by running for just two minutes a day.

As you’re more comfortable, run for three minutes. Then four minutes. Increasing in tiny intervals until you’ve built running as a habit.

To eat healthier: Eat salad just on Wednesday for lunch. Eat unhealthy any other day.

The next week, eat salad for Wednesday and Friday. The week after that, eat salad for Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Just keep increasing in tiny intervals until it’s adapted into your daily routine.

Habit 8: They optimize their computer skills for speed.

Highly productive people are lightning-fast on their computers. Here are a few ways they do it:

  They increase the speed of the mouse. We use our mouse every day, so why not make navigating our computers even faster?

  They learn keyboard shortcuts. Keyboard shortcuts for Google Chrome, Evernote, email, Google Docs, Mac navigation, Windows navigation … the list goes on and on. They’re a huge time saver.

  Using tools to find apps quickly. A favorite of entrepreneur Noah Kagan is a free tool called Alfred (for Mac). It helps quickly find programs we need to open.

  Increasing our type speed. Typing faster means getting work done faster. If you’re slower than 80 WPM, the average for computer-related workers, focus on increasing your speed.

These are just a few simple ways to increase the speed of your day-to-day life on a computer.

Action Step: Increase Your Speed

To increase the speed of your day-to-day on a computer, do the following:

1. Increase the speed of your mouse.

2. Take a few moments to think of the programs you use most. Email? Google Chrome? Excel? PowerPoint? Learn keyboard shortcuts for the programs you use most and you’ll save yourself hours of work per month.

3. Download Alfred (for Mac) or Launchy (for Windows) to never touch your Applications tab or Start menu again.

4. Take a typing test. If you’re slower than 80 WPM, take classes to get to at least80 WPM.

Keyboard shortcuts in email alone will save you up to 60 hours per year. Learn them for all your programs.

Habit 9: They view failure as learning opportunities. 

According to a Ph.D. psychologist, Carol Dweck, we have two possible mindsets:

1. a fixed mindset

2. a growth mindset

A fixed mindset assumes that our skills, qualities, and character are given.

It’s what causes people to say, “Oh, I’m just not a people person.” Or, “I’ve never been a good test taker.” So they accept defeat, viewing their skills and abilities as some sort of unchangeable, predetermined skill-set granted to them. They seek approval from others and view failure as failure.

A growth mindset, on the other hand, believes all skills and qualities may be learned.

If you suck at writing, you can learn to become a better writer. If you are terrible at sales, you can learn to be better. They thrive on challenges and view failure as a learning opportunity.

Here’s a beautiful illustration from Nigel Holmes on the differences between a fixed and growth mindset:

  Take a few moments to think about people in your lives with these two mindsets. Who gives up easily, admitting defeat? Who is always striving to learn something new?

But most importantly, which one are you?

Action Step: Self-Reflection Time

Ask yourself if you’ve ever said the following:

I could never thrive in sales. I’m just not a people person. 

I’ll never be good at public speaking. I just get nervous, start sweating, and feel uncomfortable. 

I’ve always been a terrible writer. I’ve just accepted the fact I’ll always be bad. 

If so, you may have a fixed mindset. Remind yourself that anything is learnable. Any skills, despite how much you may suck right now, is possible to learn.

For more on adopting your mindset, check out Carol Dweck’s book, Mindset: The New Psychology Of Success.

Habit 10: They outsource mindless tasks.

Insanely-productive people focus only on things they specialize in … then outsource the rest.

Need to do anything of the following?

  Mindlessly input data into a spreadsheet. Get a virtual assistant for $5-$10/hr from UpWork or FancyHands to help you.

  Do your laundry, clean your bedroom, and scrub the bathroom floor. Use a service such as Handy to outsource your housework.

  Pick up groceries from the store. Use Instacart to get groceries delivered to your door.

Highly productive people don’t think, “But this is so expensive! I’d rather save money and do it myself.” 

Rather, they consider their salary on a per-hour basis. For example, if someone makes $40/hr and they needed to complete 6 hours worth of chores, they could:

  Do it themselves for $240 ($40/hr x 6 hours).

  Pay someone else for $90. ($15/hr x 6 hours).

Outsourcing those chores now opens up 6 hours to make $40/hr by working, instead of cleaning.

In that period, the person can earn $240. Subtract the $90 from outsourcing it and this person saved $150 instead of doing the task himself! 

Considering tasks on a per-hour basis doesn’t only save time … it saves money.

Action Step: Identify Tasks To Outsource

Follow this three-step process:

Step 1: Identify what tasks you hate doing, but are easy to do. Spreadsheet data entry? Laundry? Picking up groceries?

Step 2: Find websites to outsource your work to them. Use UpWork orFancyHands  for virtual assistants. Handy for chores around the house. Instacart for grocery delivery. Fiverr for speciality projects for $5. Or try 99 Designs for design projects. If there’s something particular you’d like to outsource, not mentioned here, comment below and I’ll help identify a solution.

Step 3: Giving instructions takes time in itself. Use email templates to outsource your work to save up to 520 hours per year.

Habit 11: They meditate.

Some of the most respected people in the world practice meditation. This list includes: 

Mark Benioff, CEO of Salesforce

Arnold Schwarzenegger

Tim Ferriss, entrepreneur and author

Martin Scorsese, film director

Ray Dalio, hedge-fund manager

The list goes on and on.

Using fMRI scans, scientists can visualize the difference in our brains before and after meditation. Without getting too technical, meditation lets our brains slow down and stop processing information so quickly:

  It calms our frontal lobe (or prefrontal cortex), which is where logic and creativity comes from. This gives us a better focus, less anxiety, more creativity, more compassion, better memory, and less stress.

The advantages of meditation are endless, which is why so many successful people swear by it. 

Action Step: Download “Headspace”

Headspace is an iPhone and Android app that guides you through the basics of meditation, in 10 minutes per day.

I’ve tried plenty of other applications and methods, but I’ve found nothing better than Headspace to learn the basics and get started. All in just 10 minutes per day. Plus, it’s free.

Habit 12: They say no (nicely).

We’re psychologically hardwired to help people. There’s even a part in our brains, called the Right Supramarginal Gyrus, that triggers empathetic responses:

  Thus, saying “no” is surprisingly difficult.

We need a “to-don’t” list of things that won’t add to our careers. To make it easier to say no, try “no templates.” They were developed by Silicon Valley venture capitalist and angel investor, Mark Suster, which looks like this:

Re: 15 minutes of your time?

Hi (name),

Thank you for writing to me – it’s nice to hear from you (or meet you) via email.

Fortunately [my company] has started to take off in ways that I couldn’t have imagined just a short time ago. Unfortunately, that means I don’t have as much time as I used to have to take meetings with people.

I hope you’ll understand. I’m now under a lot of pressure from my board to deliver against some pretty ambitious goals. I do try to get to tech social events from time-to-time so I hope we can catch up there.

Hope you understand.

– Mark

We want to help. But to be productive, we have to learn when to say no and focus on our original goals.

Action Step: Save “No Templates” As a Canned Response

Follow these steps:

Step 1: Set up Google Canned Responses in Gmail or download TextExpander for Microsoft

Step 2: Create a “no template,” modeling your response off Mark Susters.

Step 3: Send the response when necessary.

Habit 13: They count their blessings and practice gratitude.

The final habit of highly-productive people is being grateful for what they have. Gratitude is proven to increase productivity by these prestigious universities:

Yale studies say a gratitude journal will result in higher alertness, enthusiasm, determination, attentiveness, and energy.

Harvard studies indicate gratitude improves health and strengthens relationships.

UC-Berkeley research indicates a gratitude journal improves sleep and decreases illness.

Columbia University research says gratitude improves the immune system while reducing anxiety and/or depression.

Research proves gratitude increases happiness, and happiness increases productivity. Thus, gratitude improves productivity:

Being grateful for what we have is one of the fastest ways to not only increase productivity but the overall quality of life.

Summary: 13 Habits of Insanely-Productive People

As a snapshot overview, here are the 13 habits of insanely-productive people:

1. They take frequent breaks to restore energy.

2. They’re driven by purpose.

3. They create their to-do list the night before (and break major tasks into sub-tasks).

4. They prevent internal distractions.

5. They keep a separate to-do list for external distractions.

6. They optimize their email with smart tools.

7. They build healthy habits into their daily routine.

8. They are lightning fast on the computer.

9. They have a “growth mindset.”

10. They outsource mindless tasks.

11. They meditate.

12. They say no (nicely).

13. They count their blessings.

  Go to our website:   www.ncmalliance.com

The 13 Habits Of Hyper-Productive People Written by Scott Tousley No one wants to procrastinate. No one wants to feel stressed. No one