#And why not do some tactile testing of what feels nice! It's an experiment! Cultural exchange and science all in one!

[sysig]

Alright well that was fun and all but I gotta go like right now bye (Patreon)

[otdderamin]

Analysis: Caduceus and Caleb build their relationship – CR C2 Ep47 2:40:07

REVISED: The original article was written before Talks Machina 2019-01-15 where Taliesin clarified that Caduceus' feeling for Caleb are platonic. This article was written on that assumption anyway. It's been lightly revised to include that certainty and include the Talks Machina Transcript.

The two flattering exchanges between Caduceus and Caleb caught my ear as much as anyone. There's clearly some stronger, closer relationship forming there. Maybe it will come to something else one day, but on review, I was not reading it as romantic overtures so much as two socially awkward people trying to communicate kindness, which Taliesin confirmed on Talks Machina 2019-01-15 (0:39:18). Taliesin: "I will say he doesn't feel that way [about Caleb], though, but yeah. Yeah, he don't- he doesn't have a thing going on in that direction, but he's definitely like, 'Yeah, you're cool.'" I really like the idea of an ace/aro Caduceus who basically doesn't understand the concept of flirting. He just thinks you should be kind and supportive to all living things and ease their insecurities, but other people reserve that for ulterior motives.

Caduceus' comment that Caleb smells nice (3:23:42) came directly after Jester was projecting all her insecurities & making Cad feel insecure himself before she tried to correct (3:22:56). Caduceus could see that the joke about Caleb being stinky was really bothering & hurting Caleb in the same way. So, Caduceus was partly trying to reassure Caleb that wasn't the case and passive-aggressively put an end to the joke with the others. And doing that with his disarmingly frank honesty and supportive personality. Taliesin said on Talks, "I think that it's more the teasing that he smells bad." (0:38:03)

Caduceus is flattering to plants and animals he wants to reassure and persuade to be kind to them in exactly the same tone. And Caleb was irritated enough to be withholding magic from them until they apologized (3:23:46), so there's a similar motive here.

Also, this is Taliesin. He tried to flatter sentient grass with Percy and it came off as flirting (CRC1 Ep060 2:21:56). He's expressed before (on Gather Your Party, I think) that he sees flirting as a way of making people feel good about themselves without necessarily expecting it to be reciprocated.

Caleb offering Caduceus the book I've a harder time reading, as did Caduceus. He's clearly stumbling his way through trying to build a positive relationship of some kind. Caleb's been socially isolating himself for such a long time that any attempt to peak out of his shell is a bit startling. Caleb saw Caduceus being very kind to him when his best friend was being an asshole, and he had something he could offer in return. He was trying to practice returning kindness that wasn't so transactional, which he is very, very rusty at and unsure about.

Caleb was also unsure what value it would have to Caduceus. Caduceus is as backwoods as you can get, and clearly not that bright. Caleb was probably unsure if books were something that would ever interest him or be of any use to him. Remember that Molly was barely literate, so I can see why he wouldn't want to make assumptions. Also, this is Caleb making himself even more vulnerable by trying to share his dearest passion with someone else he feared would reject it.

There's clearly some form of attraction there from both of them, but let's look at a multi-layered attraction model view of it. It could be romantic or sexual from Caleb, but those seem to be tied up in a lot of old baggage. Taliesin explicitly said Caduceus isn't sexually or romantically attracted to Caleb (0:39:18), and Caduceus has frankly never expressed having either attraction at all.

We're clearly seeing emotional attraction, the desire to get to know someone better as a result of their personality. Both Caleb & Caduceus have been isolated and struggle expressing this in general. Caleb by withdrawing and not getting close, Caduceus by being overly friendly.

Caleb seems to have been testing intellectual attraction by offering the book. Caduceus is wise in ways Caleb is not; Caleb is smart in ways Caduceus is not. They complement each other. Intellectual attraction is the desire to explore how someone thinks and know them that way.

Caduceus obviously shows high sensual attraction to everyone. The desire to tactilely interact with people in a non-sexual way like hugging and cuddling (frankly, this is also just Taliesin). Caleb shies away from a lot of physical contact with people.

The UNC-Chapel Hill LGBT Center has a great article on multilayered attraction called "Asexuality, Attraction, and Romantic Orientation." It's linked on the Critical Role Campaign 2 Index, but Tumblr punishes external links. It's something developed in ace/aro discourse that applies to everyone and everyone should be aware of to better understand themselves and others. People can be attracted to certain genders more than others in any of these ways, and they might not line up. Gay ace and aro people exist and are just as valid, even if there's strict limits on the sort of relationship or physicality they want.

In examining character interrelationships, I think it's important to examine the context they've already given for their preferences. I've written an analysis of Caduceus already. He not only expressed no interest (or experience) in sex, he's tried to firmly avoid the subject every time it comes up and seems completely mystified that anyone thinks he should engage that way. Even in this conversation with Jester, he's lost for how to respond when she asks, "So, like, if you think something dirty, [Melora] knows?" (3:22:56)

Given that he's been clear, be it celibacy or asexuality, it makes me extremely uncomfortable when other people decide he should want sex (even as a joke) because that's a microaggression against ace and celibate people that happens CONSTANTLY. It's rape culture and gross.

Caduceus has also not particularly expressed any romantic attraction to anyone past or present, and he doesn't feel that way for Caleb. He was perfectly content on his own. He seems to just want friends. He hasn't expressed being against the idea, so this is uncertain.

Caleb, I don't have a clear read on, but he shows many signs of feeling too damaged for relationships at the moment. He has his hands full with friendships he's still scared of. It's possible he doesn't know what he's feeling at this point.

So, this is not to step on anyone's ship, but there are other equally interesting motivations & desires that could be at play here, which frankly line up with more evidence, & which have MUCH less representation. It'd be nice to not see those possibilities drowned out, especially given that we have a canonical answer.

The character growth here is significant, whatever the subtext. Caduceus reached out to comfort Caleb when everyone else was giving him a hard time. Caleb reached out as the very first person to offer Caduceus help on the quest he left home for. No one else has cared.

Some stronger bond was formed here between them. Some greater trust. Caduceus is getting through like Beau has, and it's built on a base of greater comfort, healing, and respect for goals. However it plays out will be fascinating.

3:38:57 Caleb: "I'm glad you are traveling with us." Caduceus: "Me too, I'm... I've never felt so helpful." It's brief, but Caleb actually warmly smiles.

Transcripts

Scenes run:

1. CR C2 Ep47 Jester asks what Melora knows, Caleb smells nice:  3:22:50 to 3:24:16

2. CR C2 Ep47 Caleb gives Caduceus to book: 3:38:12 to 3:39:09

3. TM 2019-01-15 How Caleb smells to Caduceus and attraction: 0:38:09 to 0:39:57

1. CR C2 Ep47 Jester asks what Melora knows, Caleb smells nice

3:22:50 Jester to Caduceus: "Do you think the Wildmother can hear your thoughts?"

Caduceus: "Well, I know the Wildmother can- knows everything."

3:22:56 Jester: "So, like, if you think something dirty, she knows?"

GIF: Caduceus looks confused.

Jester: "What if, like, you're thinking like, 'Oh mom, I've really got to poop?'"

Caduceus: "That's- I don't- I mean… Sure?"

Jester: "What if you're thinking, 'Oh man, you know, I think I smell a little bit today,"

Caduceus: "I've never really thought that."

Jester: "but what-I've got a booger in my nose…"

Caduceus, more anxiously: "Now I'm thinking about that. Oh man, I've got a booger in my nose." He curls in to one side rubbing the side of his nose."

Jester: "What if you think like, 'Ah, does my breath smell bad?' Do you think she thinks-"

Caduceus, alarmed: "No, does it?"

Jester: "Do you think- No, your breath smells fine, but I'm just won-"

Caduceus: "You're sure?"

Jester: "No, you smell pretty good."

Caduceus: "Oh, that's nice." He rubs the bridge of his nose again. "Ah, think about this."

3:23:31 Nott: "Speaking of stinky, Caleb, what'd we get? What's our stuff?"

3:23:37 Caleb, incredulous and perplexed: "I have been in the ocean for days, and days, and days, and days."

Travis: "He's the most sterile he's ever been."

3:23:42 Caduceus: "I think he smells great."

Jester, excitedly: "What did we get; what did we get; what did we get!"

3:23:46 Caleb: "Well, first I want you to admit that I have been washed from top to bottom for a month."

3:23:51 Caduceus, firmly: "I think you smell fantastic."

Jester: "Yeah, if anything you smell briny now."

Caleb, pointedly to Caduceus: "Well you're- You are a nice fellow."

3:23:57 Caduceus: "Thank you. But no, really, I do actually think you smell very nice."

3:24:03 Caleb, satisfied: "You see?"

Jester: "Yeah. I didn't say you were stinky. Nott said you were stinky, Caleb. I think you smell like salt and fresh air."

Nott: "Like a douche."

Caleb: "Revved up."

3:24:16

2. CR C2 Ep47 Caleb gives Caduceus to book

3:38:12 Taliesin: "I'm going to gather some of my stuff and go to the crow's nest."

Matt: "Okay."

Taliesin: "Big everybody good-"

Caleb: "Oh, uh…"

Caduceus: "Yeah?"

Caleb: "You're going up?"

Caduceus: "Yeah."

3:38:21 Caleb: "Do you like a good book?"

3:38:23 Caduceus: "I- I'm not going to be reading up there, but…"

3:38:25 Caleb: "I don't mean for tonight, in general."

3:38:27 Caduceus: "I- I'll admit I'm not the best reader, but… I've read a couple books."

3:38:33 Caleb: "But you have? Um… One of the books that we found in that… ball-o-fun is about the corruption of plants."

3:38:45 Caduceus: "I would be curious."

3:38:47 Caleb: "I thought you might be."

3:38:49 Caduceus: "I'll… If you could leave it in my- my quarters, that would be most agreeable."

3:38:54 Caleb: "Surely."

3:38:56 Caduceus: "Thank you."

3:38:57 Caleb: "Mmhm. I'm glad you are traveling with us."

3:39:00 Caduceus: "Me too. I'm uh… I've uh… never felt so helpful." He gives a half bow.

3:39:09

3. TM 2019-01-15 How Caleb smells to Caduceus and attraction

0:38:09 Brian: "[@asahi_azumane] Caduceus has mentioned in a couple of episodes that he likes how Caleb smells, is this just to refute the teasing from the others or does he find something comforting in Caleb's smell like Nila […] with her smell bag?"

0:38:36 Taliesin: "I'll actually, I've often just assumed that Caleb smells a little bit like peat moss."

Brian: "Oh, really?"

Taliesin: "Or just peaty and dirty…"

Travis: "Oh! Not manure, or fertilizer but…"

Taliesin: "Not manure…"

Brian: "No no, Pete Moss, the tennis player."

Taliesin: "but like peat moss, earthy. Just from, from… Yeah, Pete Moss."

Travis: "Yean he has the soil in his hands, and…"

0:38:03 Taliesin: "Yeah, well, 'cause he's got a pocket full of weird things that he uses and they're all kind of like interest- I don't- I think that it's more the teasing that he smells bad, I don't think he actually does."

Travis: "It's not a sandalwood fragrance?"

0:39:03 Taliesin: "I wish. That would be amazing! But, like, I actually think it's legitimately from a, 'No, I think he smells pretty good. I dunno.'"

Travis: "Yeah, earthy fellow. Alright."

Dani: "I appreciate Liam hitting his breaking point with that last episode, and be like, 'You HAVE to admit that I smell fine now!'"

0:39:18 Taliesin: "Yeah, no and, like, I think Clay is always… And it's not like a sexy thing, like, 'Woo, hey!' But like, you know, 'No, you smell great.'"

Travis: "You can compliment I fellow on his…"

0:39:27 Taliesin, firmly: "I will say he doesn't feel that way, though, but yeah. Yeah, he don't- he doesn't have a thing going on in that direction, but he's definitely like, 'Yeah, you're cool.'"

Travis: "Try telling Tumblr that."

Taliesin: "Tumblr is welcome to their own opinion, and I'm not going to disagree with them."

Travis: "Boy, I tell you."

Taliesin: "I am not going to stop anybody from having a good time with their…"

Dani: "Everyone can ship whatever they want to ship."

Taliesin: "Yep. Nope."

Brian: "Except female presenting nipples."

Dani: "Yep. No, Tumblr has a really bad problem…"

Travis: "Or lithium batteries. Most couriers have a problem with."

Brian: "They cracked down on that."

0:39:57

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[alexteltevskiy]

Why I take photos

Hey everyone, how’s it going?

I’m back. Been taking a break from social media this past year. Recently moved to SoCal from Chicago and was busy settling in. Also, I took this time to step back and look at where I’ve been and where I want to go with my photography, as well as how I present it online.

I’ve got a lot of fun new content planned and will slowly start rolling it out. Meanwhile, to make up for my lack of updates, this post is chock-full of awesome photos and interesting thoughts on photography. Climb aboard and enjoy the ride!

Throughout this past year I continued taking photos, but I left social media entirely, feeling that it was becoming a bit too much. Too much of a time investment and mental drain, researching & following, using all those silly hash tags… Too much attention being eaten up by a constant bombardment with a never-ending flow of imagery. Too much bots, too much spam & too much noise. Too much “for the likes”. Too much stuff I couldn’t care to care about anymore. Instant gratification and desensitization were the new norm. Even the quality stuff didn’t matter anymore. I knew it was time to jump ship.

But I did miss the things that were actually good about it. There weren’t that many, but still… I knew that it was only a matter of time before I plugged back in again. And… here I am. Meanwhile, my sabbatical allowed me the luxury to think about my photography from the ground up, and think I did. In this post I’d like to share with you some of the fruits of all that thinking: I’d like to share with you the 10 reasons why I take photos.

1. Exploration & adventure

Photography allows me to explore new, unfamiliar places, as well as see the old and familiar places in new light, over and over again. Back in the olden days I used to call it a “Passport to adventure” (pardon the cheese). And I still feel that way.

Nothing else gets me out the door as quickly as a camera and a fresh new roll of film, and not much enriches a life more than travel.

2. Meeting people

Meeting new people is always fun. It’s a life-enriching experience and helps one feel connected to the greater world. It’s not always easy to connect with strangers on the street, but a camera usually helps break the ice in more ways than one.

Since many of my interests lie in old mechanical objects, having a vintage camera with me actually sparks a lot of conversations to happen entirely by themselves. And at the end of the day, 9 out of 10 people actually feel honored to be able to tell their story and have their picture taken.

3. Family and friends

I don’t need 691 snapshots of what we ate for breakfast every year. I need just a few quality photos that are engineered to stand the test of time and will always bring back the fondest of memories spent with my family and friends.

Quality photography, where I put in the time and effort to make each shot count (ahem, film, not pointing fingers, ahem). It’s rewarding and it makes my relationships feel that much more special (sorry for the sentimental cheese).

4. Recording milestones

Speaking of family and friends, the moments that we cherish most are the ones that deserve their own dedicated photo shoot. Being a photographer transcends into being a historian and keeper of family history and even tradition.

“Production values” are high, trips are planned, adventures are had and lasting memories are made. Photos serve as testament to us and the big advancements in our lives - a big move, getting married, having children…

5. Fueling curiosity

To be curious is to be human. It’s what defines us as a race that’s able to advance and grow. There would be no fire, no wheel, no semiconductor and no landing on the moon and (gasp) no Instagram.

Taking photos for me is a continuation of that fine tradition of discovery. I see, I like, I take a photo. I obsess over the photo and object that lies herein. I learn more about it, wiki-ing about the design decisions on that olive green ’67 Cutlass or the impact of that historic Main St. movie theater on the town or how surfboards are shaped. Or why the moon is sometimes red. Or why Dingbats have such a funny name.

Photography helps me learn more about my world. Always a nice thing.

6. Imagination exercise

Every once in a while I’d take a photo and it would entertain my mind in many not-so-obvious ways. Could happen with a picture perfect landscape or a failed Holga long exposure. It would mysteriously linger in memory for a while, prompting repeat viewing. Often times the effect would be immediately after seeing the photo, other times it would surface years after the fact.

I would be drawn to the photo, get lost in it, imagine myself in it. All sorts of metaphorical thought would crawl into the picture, all sorts of things would form in the shadows and bubble up. Sometimes nostalgia would paint the skies a dull yellow and I’d feel warmth in my toes that I haven’t felt since 17. Sometimes at night, the skyline of Port of LA turns into Port Town from F-Zero and at midday, the sand dunes on the beach turn into a romanticized version of early 20th-century Arabia.

Humans are visual creatures, and photos have the power to play all sorts of tricks on the interplay between imagination, memory and all the 5 senses. Photos help me tie my mindscape together.

7. Giving back

It’s only natural to want to share with the world something that you truly, honestly love!

Photography is a craft that has lots to do with understanding fundamentals, repetition and learning from your mistakes. It also has lots to do with many other things that are not so immediately obvious due to the exceedingly esoteric nature of what makes or breaks a good photo. Not to mention that there’s a very complicated technical side to photography as well, film or digital...

The answers to all of these come with time and experience, and as always, with a little help from our friends. As such, it’s always a humbling and enjoyable experience when I can offer my friends a little help of my own, based on my personal experience and observations.

8. Experimentation and happenstance

Photography has always been about experimenting - seeing what works and what doesn’t. Every time I try something new I am faced with fresh and, dare I say, invigorating challenges.

Sometimes I learn something cool that I’d like to continue doing (redscale or Pen-o-ramas). Other times I find a format that completely changes the kinds of shots I’d do for long stretches of time (half frame or a 6x9). Or I would find a camera so unpredictable that I wouldn’t know how the shot will turn out at all (pinholes, Holgas, solarcams, old soviet cameras, etc).

In the world of film photography, there is absolutely no shortage of film, formats, cameras and techniques to try out. We have, after all, more than a hundred years of photographic legacy to fall back on and tinker with. It keeps things interesting and the perspective - fresh.

9. Getting lost in the moment

This is a big one, especially with film photography. A craft so diverse and expansive that condenses down to a singular moment when the shutter goes off. There’s so much to love, so many details to enjoy.

Starting with the obvious - not having to chimp or preview the photos and being limited by a scarce, diminishing resource (film) allows more time to bask in the surroundings and bond with the moment rather than just keep popping off the camera like a machine gun. Waiting for the moment (or setting up the shot), anticipating the scene, watching it all come together. It’s meditation.

The gear, so varied and spanning such a breadth of generations, each with its own intricacies, procedures and character. The mechanical, tangible nature of control manipulations. It’s all very tactile and ASMR-ish. Come on, all you Leica fans out there - tell me you don’t go through an elation every time that cloth goes sssssshwick, haha )

10. Feeling the passing of time

Photos are like a quality wine - they get better with age (I actually don’t know if that’s true, but that’s how the saying goes). A lot of photos we admire today were received completely different when they were first presented to the world. We look back at the photos from the 60’s, 70’s and go through a portal to that time. How people lived their lives, where they lived, what they drove, how they had fun. It’s all put through the context of history. Same goes for movies, music - any cultural item.

It’s important to understand that your photos, if you choose to keep them around for that long, will be viewed many decades down the line and will offer a glimpse into those times. Viewers from the future will look at the cars and marvel at how people got around in these dead-dinosaur-powered vehicles, or how everyone on the street was stuck staring down at tiny glass screens, or even the fact that the very photo they’re looking at is static, isn’t an immersive 3D experience and has limited resolution.

Things get especially interesting when the photographer himself is the subject of the photos...

11. Cars

Wait, didn’t I say it was 10 reasons? Well, there’s always room for cars! Awesome, timeless automotive examples, each with its own personality and style. As they say, there’s always room for cars...

Conclusion

Sorry if that was too wordy! A lot of reasons, huh? And everybody will have their own… That’s the beauty of this thing called photography - everyone makes it their own. Hopefully this post presented you with some interesting food for thought, or maybe inspiration for your next photo project. Thanks for reading, everyone.

Stay awesome!