#And when she realized I was legit afraid of her she became super super nice and didn't hiss at all except to communicate after that

[scoriarose]

Have you ever met someone you instantly fell in love with? ❤Scoria❤

[bnha-imagines-all-around]

Jealous (Mirio Togata Headcanons)

Request: “Hi! I loved “Please Don’t leave me” with Togata, legit made me cryyy! Can I request angsty headcanons with Togata?? Best friend secretly loves him but gets distant, cold and jealous bc girls flirt with him? Togata notices and feels hurt and confused and tries to talk to her but she avoids him till he physically stops her and breaks down cause he’s afraid of losing her cause he also loves her? You can pick the ending (fluff, angst, both, anything is good)! Thanks!”

Author’s note: YAY MORE SUNSHINE BOI!!! These turned out way longer than I anticipated (my bad) and probably read more like an imagine than headcanons (again my bad), but hope it’s okay! Also, my request box is OPEN, so please send in all the requests! :D

Warnings: Angst, some fluff

- You couldn’t help but notice how girls tried to talk to Mirio all the time, to the point where you and him were never alone together anymore.

- You would literally just be getting to a moment where it was just you and him, alone, when a group of girls would seemingly magically appear, giggling and flirting with Mirio right in front of you. They acted as though you were a ghost, as though you weren’t actually there with them. You were insignificant to them because Mirio was there.

- You began to feel your blood boiling and your heart pounding almost viciously in your chest as you watched the girls fawn over your best friend. They would bat their eyes at him, smile wide and laugh at every joke he made, twirl their hair, lean slightly too close to him, rest their hands on his arms or chest. And the worst part? He seemed to be enjoying every second of it.

- “Mirio? Hey, are we still going to that cafe you spoke about? Cause my lunch break is almost over,” You called out just a bit too loudly, trying to regain your best friend’s attention. 

- However, Mirio simply waved his hand at you and payed you just enough attention to smile sheepishly, “Sorry, (Y/N)! Maybe another time. Guess I got too caught up chatting!”

- This went on for days; you trying to hang out with Mirio and your plans being blown off because of random girls. 

- Eventually it became a week, and then another. Mirio was your best friend, and yet, he had barely said so much as “hello” to you in the past few weeks. He always seemed caught up by some group of air-headed, flirty girls and you had seemed to fade out of existence to him. 

- Your heart was breaking a little more with every passing day. You loved Mirio, more than just a friend, and yet it seemed as though you weren’t even that to him anymore. You had truly become a ghost, invisible to him. 

- The jealousy you felt every day from seeing the same scene play over and over again, paired with the loss of your best friend and the boy you loved, was starting to tear you apart. 

- You started to spend less and less time with Mirio, leaving sooner and sooner each time the other girls came up and began to flirt with him. Mirio was a gentleman, you knew that, so he’d dedicate his full attention to them as they spoke to him. But that didn’t make it hurt any less.

- It eventually got to the point where you didn’t even bother making an attempt to be around Mirio. You just couldn’t do it anymore, it hurt too much. 

- It even progressed to you actively avoiding Mirio at every turn; if you saw him coming towards you, you would either turn and walk in a different direction, or just walk straight past him without acknowledging that you had even seen him. Not that Mirio noticed, anyways.

- The pain and heartbreak you felt each day began to affect you more profoundly than ever before. You no longer ate properly, only picking at whatever was on the plate in front of you, you barely slept anymore, and most of all, you withdrew into yourself more than ever. 

- Your appearance changed drastically; you suddenly looked worn down and exhausted, and despite hearing other students whispering about it in the hallways, you couldn’t really care less about it anymore.

- Nejire and Tamaki would also notice the drastic changes almost immediately, pulling you aside to speak to you one day.

- “(Y/N)-chan! What’s going on? You look super exhausted, are you sleeping at all? You don’t talk to us anymore, did something happen? Did we do something?” 

- Nejire asked you a billion questions in quick succession, but all you could do was shake your head in reply. You had no energy to give her a proper answer. 

- “(L/N)... what happened? We wanna help you... we’re your friends,” Tamaki asked quietly, but again, you just shook your head and vaguely mumbled something about you ‘being fine’.

- “Don’t lie to us, (Y/N)-chan, we can see that something’s wrong. Maybe I should get Mirio! He was always good at cheering you up!” Nejire suggested.

- the coldness and harshness of the look you suddenly sent her took both her and Tamaki aback. You always went to Mirio if you were upset; what had changed?

- Then, for the first time in days, you spoke.

- “I want nothing to do with Togata. I don’t want to see him, I don’t want to be around him, I want nothing to do with him anymore. Understood?”

- Nejire and Tamaki both stood there, absolutely stunned by the coldness and resolution in your voice as you swiftly spun on your heel and walked away. You hadn’t referred to Mirio by his last name in years. This was bad. 

- Of course, what you didn’t realize was that Mirio DID notice you. He noticed everything about you; your change in demeanour, your change in appearance your absence, everything.

- It took him a little while, but Mirio did notice that you weren’t ever around him anymore. What’s more, you never even made the effort to come talk to him or be with him anymore, and it broke his heart.

- Mirio was constantly brushing off the girls who came to speak and flirt with him as he tried to find you and talk to you, but to no success.  

- When Mirio caught glimpses of you in the hallways and over lunch breaks, he saw how run-down you looked, and he quickly began to feel your loss. 

- While the attention the girls gave him was nice, it often proved more annoying than anything and, well, Mirio being Mirio, he was just trying to be polite. He wasn’t interested in any of them because he had you. You were his best friend, his partner, and his number one person to turn to whenever he wanted to talk about anything. You were his (Y/N). 

- Or rather, he’d hoped you’d be his (Y/N) one day. Mirio had been in love with you for a long, LONG time, and you were his favourite person in the whole world, always by his side. And now, suddenly, you weren’t there anymore. It was like there was this huge hole that had been punched out in his chest. You weren’t there anymore, but... why?

- It broke his heart even more every time he looked at you; you looked so tired, so sad, so... fragile. Mirio felt heartbroken, confused and scared. What had happened? What had he done to lose you?

- Mirio quickly realized that not only were you not seeking him out anymore, you were actively avoiding him. He couldn’t help but feel a pang in his chest when he saw you turn around and walk in a different direction when you had noticed him coming towards you. 

- “(Y/N)! Hey, (Y/N)! Wait up!” Mirio had shouted to you one day, but as you always did, you quickly turned around, ignored him and walked away even faster, eventually losing him in a crowd of students returning to class. 

- Mirio was beginning to feel hopeless and panicked; he needed to do something. He needed to speak to you, no matter the cost, to make things right. He had to fix this.

- “Mirio! I don’t know what happened between you and (Y/N)-chan, but you gotta fix it! She said she wants nothing to do with you anymore! She even called you “Togata” when I suggested I get you to cheer her up! I haven’t heard her call you that since before you became friends! You need to fix this!” Nejire would exclaim one day during lunch, and Mirio felt his heart sink to the floor. It reaffirmed what he already knew; this was really, really bad.

- Mirio’s heart would pound violently in his chest as he sprinted through the halls of the school, trying desperately to find you. His mind was racing through a million thoughts per second, but there was one constantly reoccurring thought:

- ‘(Y/N)... where are you? I’m sorry... please, let me fix this!’

- Fate was on his side that day, because Mirio managed to find you curled up tightly in a windowsill in the library, with one of your favorite books in your lap as you gazed out the window.

- “(Y/N)! I found you,” Mirio exclaimed, panting slightly as he approached you. 

- His words had startled you out of your revelry, and you quickly turned to see Mirio standing there, looking straight at you with sadness in his eyes.

- You wouldn’t speak a word. The scene of Mirio flirting with countless girls flashed in your mind, and as your heart broke a little more, you would swiftly put your book away and get off the windowsill before heading towards the exit of the library behind Mirio. You couldn’t do this.

- “No, wait! (Y/N), please don’t go!” Mirio shouted, his hand extending to grab your wrist as you passed him.

- His sudden action startled you, and you found yourself frozen on the spot for a moment before you felt a familiar sense of anger rising in you.

- You jerked your wrist out of his grasp before snapping, “Why? I don’t owe you anything, Togata. Don’t you have some girls to flirt with? You’ll be terribly behind schedule if you waste your time talking to somebody like me.”

- Mirio visibly winced at the sound of his last name, but he reached out and grabbed both of your hands this time, not giving up the fight. He couldn’t lose you.

- “Please just, listen to me! Please, (Y/N), p-please...” Mirio’s voice cracked as he begged you to listen, and he felt his eyes sting as tears suddenly pooled in them; he was so, so afraid. He didn’t know what was going to happen, and he didn’t know if he had already lost you, but he had to try. 

- “(Y/N)... I don’t know what happened, but I’m sorry if I hurt you, (Y/N). I honestly didn’t mean to hurt you. Please... let me set this right. I can’t... I can’t lose you.”

- You found yourself listening to him, but all the hurt and jealousy and heartbreak from the past weeks suddenly came rushing back as Mirio spoke.

- His voice was quiet, and you could hear it trembling slightly as Mirio tried to keep calm. Your heart lurched in your chest; you had never seen him this way before. He looked so scared.

- Tears suddenly filled your eyes and slid silently down your cheeks, your body shaking with silent sobs as you tried to keep yourself together. Before you knew it, all the words you had wanted to say came spilling out of your mouth.

- “Well, you did hurt me, Mirio! You hurt me, and you hurt me bad! I tried so hard to be around you, to put up with being ignored and shoved aside like I meant nothing to you every single day. Do you know how that feels?! Do you know what it’s like to have the person you’re in love with cast you into the shadows because other girls wanna flirt and giggle with and fawn over him?! Do you know how it feels to watch yourself being replaced?! Because I do! YOU made me go through that, Mirio! For days, weeks!”

- At any other time, you would’ve felt awful for shouting at Mirio the way you were doing now, but there were so many things you needed to say that you couldn’t make yourself stop.

- “Yeah, at first I was just jealous, but it became more than that, Mirio! Seeing that, it was tearing me apart, piece by piece, and I couldn’t do it anymore! I’ve loved you for so long, and I tried so hard but I couldn’t do it anymore!”

- You took a deep, shuddering breath, trying to collect yourself before finishing shakily, “If you’re trying to play the hero now because you feel guilty, you’re too late. I had to save myself because you couldn’t even see me.”

- A heavy silence would fill the air, which would be pierced by a sound you did not expect; a sob. But not one that came from you.

- You would watch as Mirio silently broke down in front of you, tears spilling down his cheeks and you began to cry again too. 

- Then, before you had time to register what was happening, you found yourself in Mirio’s embrace. He was hugging you tighter than ever before, and your heart did a funny jolt; you faintly registered that you had admitted to loving him in your speech.

- Mirio would just hold you and hug you tightly until both of you calmed down. Once he was collected enough, he would begin to speak quietly, not letting you go for a moment.

- “I’m sorry I hurt you so badly, (Y/N). I’m so sorry. I honestly didn’t mean to. Those girls, they didn’t mean anything. The attention was nice at first, but... it quickly grew to be annoying. I was just trying to be polite. I didn’t realize what it cost me. Please... let me try to make it up to you. Please, (Y/N). I can’t bear to lose you. You’re my best friend and I love you too much to lose you this way. I love you, (Y/N). I do, and I have for so long. Longer than even I know! Please... let me fix this.”

- You would think about his words for a good few moments, but all you could hear was his voice saying those three words over and over; “I love you.” You didn’t realize just how much you had missed Mirio until now; you’d missed his embrace, his voice, his eyes, his smile, his spirit, everything about him. Even just this one moment with him was healing.

- You believed Mirio and what he said, so you made your decision.

- “... Alright. You’ll have a chance to make it up to me. But don’t screw this up. It’s the only chance you’ll get, understood?”

- “Thank you, (Y/N). I won’t screw it up, I promise!” Mirio would pull his head back just enough to smile down at you, to which you returned a small smile. Then, in a moment of courage, Mirio leaned down and gently pressed his lips to your forehead, causing you to blush violently. 

- “You know... I meant what I said, (Y/N). I love you. I do,” Mirio whispered, his own cheeks turning bright red.

- “I know. I love you too, but I think we have some work to do first,” you replied, looking up at him.

- “Well... how about that coffee date I promised you?”

- “I though you’d never ask.”

[edwardslostalchemy]

God it's so nice to see someone who doesn't like Bakugou, THANK YOU😭. Sometimes I feel so fucking alone in this fandom cause everywhere I look there are ppl praising Bakugou and saying that he's the best, I have no fucking idea how he keeps winning popularity polls🤢🙄. And I HATE that Deku puts him on a pedestal. Horikoshi saying that Bakugou has to apologise gives me hope but I think that it'll happen super late and that it'll be written like a super bad apology so yeah... what do you think?

YEAH Idk where his popularity comes from when he's a shitty character who yells at everyone and calls them names. Its just really weird to me. It doesn't make sense to me at all because he's a bully that told Izuku to kill himself and that's something I'm never going to let slide like ever since the first time I watched the show, it really hit me and I even mentioned it to my little brother, who introduced me to the show. Its just...that just hit my heart you know? And then he doesnt get any better. I see people saying he's improving and he's getting development, but I can't see it? Like if he's doing something, it's not even that Great. Like wow he saved a person. That's...that's exactly what a hero should do yeah. But none of that erases what he has done to Izuku which is 10+ years of abuse. He hurt him so much verbally and physically. How do you just ignore that? And I also see people argue "we can enjoy a character and still acknowledge their flaws", but like? I still fail to understand. Like I'm sorry, I just don't enjoy characters that are assholes. ...actually I'm not sorry. I am also really annoyed with Izuku excusing his behavior or just...Not reacting to it. Like I get he is super kind and caring and forgiving, but I also feel like hero society has shaped his opinion. K*tsuki has a strong quirk, therefore he is fit to be a hero. But I'm not sure if Izuku connects abuse to heroism, or lack thereof. Like I really wonder if after Shouto told him about his abusive father, Izuku started to change the way he saw k*tsuki.

I've wanted an apology since like last decade because it's just too much. If he is going to keep being an important character, Horikoshi has to give us a balance. Its becoming increasingly difficult to enjoy this series by having him as one of the protagonists when he is a piece of shit. He yelled at his hosts during the family dinner despite knowing how heavy the subject Shouto and Fuyumi were discussing was for them. I'm never going to let them go because when you talk about something important like that between you another person, the last thing you want is for a 3rd party to yell at you. That just peeved me so much. And he also stabbed Izuku on his head with his accessory and he bled because of that. And nobody reported him. The boys showed concern, but like who intervened? Nobody. Its so annoying. He hasn't changed at all if he's still hurting Izuku. And now its played as a gag, how disgusting. Thanks Horikoshi, for playing off his bullying as a joke, real clever of you, that's exactly what I needed. 😒

Anyways yeah I want a good apology, but because Horikoshi bends over backwards to kiss k*tsuki's ass, I don't know if he will give us a good apology. I hope he does. Because it's what Izuku deserves AT LEAST. At most, he deserves to get away from him because he's so toxic and he needs to heal. So what I would totally LOVE is for Izuku to not only get an apology, but also to spend time away from him. I know from experience that I healed a lot after I spent time away from the person that bullied me in elementary school and I am healing now because I am away from the person that really hurt me. At least the latter apologized to me, but the bully didn't. She never stopped her behavior until I was in a different class from her and I became more confident because of that. When I had a class with her again in high school, she couldn't do anything to me because I was savage. I would have eaten her face off with sass. I'm not trying to say Izuku should totally do this, but Izuku should totally do this. But anyway back to the topic. Izuku deserves better. He has better friends and classmates now, but wouldn't it just be amazing if class 1St and Aizawa and All Might found out that he bullied Izuku "Sunshine" Midoriya? God that would just be cathartic. I would legit frame that on my wall and personally thank Horikoshi for my existence. An apology would be such a gift, though. And k*tsuki also acknowledging that what he did was WRONG and he will try to be a better person and a better friend. Because as it stands now, he does not regret anything he did. He still treats Izuku like shit and he is still a Grade A+ Asshole. So if Horikoshi does not do hustice to the apology, then it will be horrible writing honestly. Like I am afraid for this event because we are getting a damned redemption for endeav*r and that bastard abused his entire family in different ways and just NOW realized he did wring. Its too late, sir, you messed up 5 people, good job, you selfish bastard. K*tsuki is still a 16 year old twerp, so lets hope he'll change and get the proper development he so desperately needs. If Horikoshi butchers it then that'll be a dann shame. I have one fear for the series and this is it. Either we get a shit apology or we get no apology at all. I'm not sure if this answers your question, but I felt like this would 've a good answer.

[sillyfudgemonkeys]

Late to the slapping discourse but I think another thing is, well, p much everybody, be they makoto fans or haters, despise that confidant, especially due to eiko hogging up so much screentime, so seeing makoto slap her was likely pretty cathartic

sfdjkhla I get where ya coming from anon, but sorry you just reignited this fury inside me again I’mma just rant (not at you, just at the void that is tumblr, I’m just mad and I have more to say about this topic apparently laskfdj;af Just know you didn’t do anything wrong, but your ask did make me think of something new so yay!). Tho tbh, I’ve seen other Mako haters hate that she slaps Eiko for my similar reasons (aka Mako is a pretty bad person who gets away with some bad shit because she’s an main character and we need to be “on her side”). But I don’t think that slap should’ve been viewed as cathartic (tho I get WHY people do), or the fact that it is showcases a big (writing) problem.

(also sorry this is all over the place, I’m writing it very quickly, while quickly reviewing her CoOp, before I go to bed)

Y’all know I hate Makoto, and I think her CoOp is hot garbage, but I don’t actually blame Eiko for it tbh (I mean Ryuji/Anne’s are just fine with juggling other chars, despite having their own issues.....not so much are because of said side chars, it’s other things but again the side chars are juggled just fine with Anne/Ryu). I don’t really hate the char, I think she’s fine. She’s a pretty friendly person, maybe a tad airheadish but she’s not mean (at least she doesn’t say mean things without a reason). Hell I think she does her role pretty fine, it’s Makoto who fails to overcome flaws (mostly her hotheadedness and applying these new view points she’s learned). 

If the writers intended Makoto’s slap to be cathartic no offense but fuck those writers yo. Because it showcases Makoto really is unable to understand any other person’s mindset (at least in practice), does her own selfish shit, and gets rewarded even tho she hurt someone or failed to actually do the bare min to make up for shit she’s done (like the Kamo arc, sorry but you had her say it yourself writers “it’s not that I couldn’t do anything, it’s that I just didn’t care enough” your whole “adults make me do things I don’t want to/they are mean :(” bs doesn’t mesh well, you don’t actually resolve or address the flaw of that char, you just shoved responsibility onto someone else....with that something else isn’t really explored/expanded upon either). Basically, if that slap was cathartic, I think the writers failed....I mean they already did fail with them actually writing that slap in, but they failed at their theme/moral to boot.

So when I have Makoto, who’s CoOp literally starts out with her wanting to learn new perspectives (and you know, maybe kinda learning a little EMPATHY) it’s hard to argue she learned that shit when she literally is unable to do just that and slaps someone. As well as reinforce the fact SHE SHOULDN’T BE IN THE POSITION SHE IS IN (aka our planner/advisor/whatever). 1) It shows she can’t control her emotions (and if we’re gonna give Ryu shit, she def deserves it too), 2) she can’t come up with a gd plan to save her life (the best plan the PT came up with was the first dungeon in PQ2 and guess what? She wasn’t a part of it, gee I’d be shocked but....I’m not). 

It just showcases the poor writing ability of that writer. Makoto’s CoOp is about her learning new things about society and her peers she’s failing at, and ability to connect/understand the people around her....and at that freaking climax it just shows.....she didn’t learn shit. She’s been saying she did all CoOp, even basically says she understands why Eiko is acting that way, but what does she do with that info? Does’t apply it when confronting her and just reverts to bullheaded Makoto mode. It doesn’t matter what happens after, we don’t see her reconcile with Eiko, all that is off screen. In the climatic moment, she fails to accomplish the goal of what her CoOp set out to do....and she’s rewarded for it. She doesn’t realize why Eiko is upset, she doesn’t try to think of a backup plan in case her first one fails, she acts only on her own emotions in the moment. And no “her friend is in danger of prostitution so it’s now or never” is NOT a good excuse, you wanna know WHY? The freaking, change of heart part of the ENTIRE GD GAME! Any argument of “we can’t always use hear changes” goes out the gd window with like 90% of any problems we encounter when we can just go to the Metaverse (to even just interrogate tbh!). The only reason Anne/Yoshida work is because Anne’s we don’t know till the literal last second and by then it’s resolved itself, and Yoshida is dead set on fixing it himself! Makoto’s CoOp? No, that guy should be bumped from “shady boyfriend” to “yeah this guy is now on our request lists holy shit does he fit our MO”

But back to Eiko, yeah it’s great Makoto is expanding her horizons, so glad she knows what a cardigan is~! Too bad, despite actually knowing her friend’s circumstance and possibly why she’s acting that way, Makoto doesn’t approach it with the level of tact that is freaking needed. Showcasing she’s learnt nothing, nothing from her past mistakes, not from “these new viewpoints I’ve learnt,” nothing from knowing WHY her friend might be feeling this way. She literally just does what she’s been doing. She just has the smoke and mirrors benefit of saying “well I learnt a new viewpoint” but your actions speak louder than your words. You didn’t learn shit. 

Wait....no I’m not giving Makoto enough credit, haha, you see she did learn something, at the beginning of the CoOp, and that’s actually not ignoring something shady going on. Unlike with the Kamo arc. My bad, so instead of seeing her bull her way through feeling “forced” to do something, we see her bulling her way through “caring” this time. But here’s the thing, that wasn’t her arc for this CoOp, her understanding other viewpoints was. She failed. Somehow she freaking failed. It’s a talent Makoto! It’s a real talent you have there!

You know why I think Makoto/Eiko thing pisses me off so much? I have a friend that reminds me a lot of Eiko. She’s nice, def a girly gal type person, as well as other things. She had just begun dating someone I deemed a red flag (not Tsukasa bad like selling yourself or that she was in any kinda danger, but still a “yeah you should know” kinda thing....like...I’d feel bad if I didn’t know about it and I was in her position kinda thing). And you know what I did? Did I take her out into public on a crowded street and yell at her and say you need to break up with him and when she got (pretty rightfully) defensive I then slapped her and got on my high horse and was like “I’m doing this for your own good! YOU  don’t understand MY position, what I’M going through, but you need to know what I’m doing is for the BEST!”? No. That never crossed my freaking mind cause I’m not a psychopath. I instead, took her out for ice cream, sat in a more remote spot for privacy, and reassured her of her emotions and own autonomy and that I cared and that I understand she cares about things and I’m coming from a place of good faith and I wasn’t there to attack her, and then I broke the news to her. You know what she did? She laughed, was happy I was a normal human being with some tact, said she wished another friend of hers did what I did instead of through text. Said she’d take what I said into consideration. She broke up with him a few months later.....cause he was a twat apparently, but our friendship was well in tact and strengthened. And I was barely a year older than Makoto was at the time, AND a super awkward honor student AND my friendship with her was about as new as Mako’s and Eiko’s (AND we were very much opposites like those two hell even more so).

I dunno, it just would’ve been so much more impactful if Makoto, instead of slapping Eiko after she called Mako a “bitch.” Mako stepped forward (making everyone think she’s going to be physical but instead it showcases Makoto thinking rationally for once), looked Eiko in the eye and said “What you think of me is not all that I am. And even if you hate me, know I still think of you as my friend and will be here for you for whatever reason. But I won’t let you throw your life away, not for this scum of a human being. *turns to Tsukasa* Listen to me asshole, I say this not as some honor student, but as Eiko’s friend. You will be delivered justice, and you will apologize to Eiko and all the other girls who’s lives you’ve ruined” to which we either get Tsukasa’s name via asking around (low key Ichiko could probably help), or by getting it from Shadow!Eiko in the metaverse. The next rank we see Eiko and Mako making up, and Mako explains how she’s more than just an honor student (basically the shit she says after she slaps Eiko), and Eiko apologizes for all the mean things she said in the moment and how she felt afraid or whatever other stuff they wanna add to deepen her char or whatever. And we have a theme kept intact, and Eiko even learns about new perspectives (as well as reinforcing this whole moral/theme to the viewer)....but we legit get to see this development for her, and we learn how to do it with compassion and understanding and not ‘slap to be dramatic~!’ bs (because then it comes off as like....using force to change someone’s behavior.....and like????? probably not the best message ESP for P5′s setting). You can dislike Eiko, but the CoOp technically became just as much as her arc as Mako’s and the fact we don’t see the resolution is poor. (btw the “how/when” it would’ve taken place would’ve been rank 9 still, we just wouldn’t rank up till the mementos mission was done, that or restructure the link but the former is easier)

So....yeah....maybe it’s the fact that Makoto’s CoOP belittles how teens can actually resolve these problems. Maybe it’s the fact we’re supposed to root for Mako’s bad behavior. Maybe it’s the fact when it came down to the wire, Mako didn’t utilize the knowledge she has been bragging about getting over the CoOp. Maybe it’s the fact she resorted to violence when there was another avenue to take. Maybe it’s the fact we never see Makoto actually hit a bad guy/aggressor (instead we have to save her from those) but instead only see her hitting her so called friends. Maybe it’s the fact of her showcasing flaws that she shouldn’t have (her hotheadedness and shitty planning skills). Or maybe it’s the fact we root for a “cathartic slap” in favor of doing what this CoOp is supposed to be: teaching Makoto AND the viewer about learning to see someone else’s perspective, and coming up with a plan that we never would’ve thought of to help fix that issue. Sacrificing a big theme/moral of the CoOp for something “dramatic.”

But I don’t know why I should be shocked, this is P5. Contradictions everywhere, in the lore, in the themes, in the writing, in the morals. Just. Everywhere. 

[caticornsrreal]

Fighting Dragons with You

After twelve years, I'm finally telling the internet why I love Taylor Swift🖤 

Hello, internet using world. I’d like to introduce myself to the few people who followed me. Hi! My name is Christa and I am a Taylor Swift fan with every fiber of my being. Full disclosure, this is a short novel so now is your chance to make an exit, but I hope you stay.

Taylor and my ridiculously furry cat, Lyle

(affectionately nicknamed “rent-free”), are the only two beings made of flesh and bone who have been consistent in my life for the last 12 years. With a close second being my son, Gauge, who just turned 10. I won’t get into the details (in this post) as to why that is, but let’s just say there were a lot of ups and downs growing up.

The last 12 years have been an evolution for Taylor,

and subsequently, for me. At (dare I say it) 

38 years old, I’ve found that a lot of things happen in a decade. Like, A LOT. Now, I don’t feel 38. I guess I owe that to humor, singing, dancing, sarcasm, and launching a successful career that didn’t exist 15 years ago —something that has made me always push harder to set new goals and stay humble. But one thing I didn’t do over these last 12 years that I deeply regret was starting a fan page for Taylor. I mean, ESPECIALLY since I’m a professional travel blogger who makes her full time living from digital content!

There’s been a lot of momentum over the last 12 years

—demands which left me with little to no free time. But I can’t blame my absence from the Swiftie family entirely on that. In fact, I’d have to say, I blame much of it on fear.

Fear,

of being misunderstood, fear of judgment or writing something lame. I’ve had over 2,000 articles published online and in print as well as countless social posts, but the thought of Taylor seeing something I wrote and thinking it’s totally weird (or cough, too long for the internet), well let’s just say I’d be less afraid of walking into a burning building.

Fear,

of being called a fake because the financial demands as a single mom left me little money to spend on myself or Taylor merchandise, much less tickets to a show. I’ve always placed my son’s needs before mine.

Fear,

that I was too old to be a Taylor Swift fan. I mean, I was 26 when she hit the music scene and she was what, 16? I’ve been afraid. Afraid I would be rejected by other Swifties who really are the only people who understand this love we have for her  —which is basically like being rejected by your own people. Also, it’s super weird to be following teens/young adults on social, much less engaging with them.

Fear.

Along with my fear, a perfect storm of entrepreneurial demands, single motherhood, failed relationships (one of which was a marriage), and family matters have served as a constant reminder that my dream of ever meeting Taylor takes residence on another planet. An actual trip to Mars seemed more attainable. 

I feel like there is a whole demographic of women, “Swiftie Moms” who echo my story,

having watched Taylor grow into the strong beautiful woman she's become. Women my age who love her from behind the wheel of their SUV, on the way to drop their kids off to school, on the way back from a milk run, in the dark hours of the mornings when they’re dancing in the kitchen with a full on hair bun singing into a coffee spoon. Unnoticed fans who haven’t had the time to dive head first into the Swiftie Universe. But here I am. After all the fear and all the years...

So, why?

This is a hard one to answer. I guess you can say that after many years of challenges, judgment from others, and doing the complete opposite of what logic and reason said I should  —divorce, single motherhood, a second degree in my late twenties... risking it all to start a blog (which by the way in 2013 wasn’t even considered a side job much less a career), I kind of got to a point where I became

fearless.

I had to be. I had this tiny living, breathing human being who was counting on me at the very least, to give him a life a notch above the shit show I had growing up. Not to mention parenting —which is basically wandless wizardry pulled directly from the asses of parents. It demands that your mini human grows up to be a better human than you.

Yeah, unpack that.

Take all your collective shit, figure it out, and then teach your mini to do it better —to BE better than you at love, kindness, respect for others (especially boys respecting girls), integrity, money, and to be fearless. All while giving them the comfort of knowing that you, mom, have it all figured out... even when that couldn't be farther from the truth.

Top that with the pressures of working in the public eye

—which, while on a microscopic level compared to a full-on celebrity such as Taylor, is still very much a juggling act with none of the entourage to lighten the workload. Add to it the demands of working with national brands, and the unwavering ability for other bloggers to tear you down at any opportunity, or even worse, try to get close to you so they can raid your success like a Black Friday sale.

I found myself at the peak of my blogging career

but I was consumed by fear, AGAIN! Fear of shady AF bloggers and publicists, and so much to lose. And fear that now, thousands of people would have an opinion of me formed by jealous bloggers, and they didn’t even know who I really was. 

That’s when letting go of toxic people in my life became essential

—when, no matter who they were, or how I was tied to them, I had to realize that surrounding myself with the ones who lifted me took precedence over the ones who dragged me down. 

After all that..... I learned to give zero f***s about what people thought, or what they said behind my back. 

And I had to start caring about what made my heart happy, what made my family and friends smile, and what inspired me to do better. BE BETTER. Be the example of fearless, with the hope that I was lucky enough to stay that way. But I'm a vulnerable human made of heart and soul and sometimes people can still take the best from me.

I had to be fearless.

In August of 2017 when "Look What You Made Me Do” blessed my ears for the first time, I felt it pierce my skin and course through my veins. And to the very bones of this young 38-year-old Swiftie mom, I was shook AF! I sang, I danced and I drowned out the haters in the blogging world. She had a very clear message,

She had zero f***s to give, Taylor broke the internet.

After watching the seemingly endless myriad of shade thrown at Taylor over the years, my heart erupted with happiness as her flawless first single from Reputation revealed one BADASS BITCH. And with every music video release of her new era, she became a mythical Goddess with bullshit evaporating superpowers. Like, I legit think she’s an actual unicorn. After all, she does ride a caticorn named Olivia.

She got harder, she got smarter in the nick of time

One single post on my Facebook page praising her new era and new single she brought with it attracted a slew of hate speech, white people bashing, claims of Taylor ripping off Beyonce... I couldn’t believe the things I was reading from fellow bloggers. I even had a GLOBAL BRAND threaten my business relationship in their ambassador program because I stood up for Taylor and spoke out about the hate speech which was placed on my own personal Facebook page. But I stood by my words.

Fearless.

Over the following months into early 2018, and to the tune of, “This is Why We Can't Have Nice Things”, I, along with a slew of about 20 other bloggers, ended up taking down said global brand’s publicist who was using his budget and power to demean and sexually harass female bloggers (which would later reveal that blacklisting me was more about not buying into that bullshit rather than my voice on hate speech).

Zero f***s given to those haters.

Mythical Goddess with bullshit evaporating superpowers level officially achieved for Taylor, and even for me. Although I wouldn’t call myself a Goddess. That's all Tay. 🖤

She found love through the noise

And so did I. In November of 2017, I had approached the year anniversary of the greatest love I'd ever known. My last stop. And as the tracks played on, my heart was full. We both found happiness through a seemingly endless sea of anguish.

Taylor is truly doing better than she ever was, and so am I.

Her resilience up against the media and the demands of the industry are perfectly fearless. And her decision to keep her beautifully growing relationship with Joe private is wise. I’ve spent the last year at home, which has been incredible. I’ve had a lot of time to think about what’s most important to me, what has shaped me into the mom, partner and entrepreneur that I am, and it all comes back to Taylor. That’s why it’s time for me to be fearless again and officially join the Swiftie universe.

I’ve spent 12 years fighting dragons with Taylor

and growing a canyon of respect and adoration for her charm, wit, business savvy, musical talent, feminism, compassion, tenacity, love for animals, and of course her lovely, lovely, words. I’ve raised my son from birth with her. There isn't a single day that is spent where Taylor doesn't exist in our lives. For 12 years straight.

That’s a long time to love someone who has no idea you exist.

I play her music videos and YouTube uploads just so I can feel like she’s with us. And so my son knows that she’s one of the finest examples of a human being in his lifetime. I use Taylor’s kindness to teach my son how to be considerate and give back to others while sharing her fearless story with him so she can be a positive role model in his life. Taylor has essentially been part of our family all along. 

My son Gauge has a running joke that Taylor is the only person that can make me cry

(which happens more than I'm willing to admit). And it’s not because I’m weak, or on the verge of a mental breakdown (although I challenge you to try parenting, you might argue that), it’s because I truly love her like a best friend. When I see her happy it makes me happy, when I feel her sadness, it makes me sad. It’s visceral.

I don't believe the human connection is meant to be one-sided.

I feel in my heart, as weird as this may sound, that we will meet Taylor one day, even against all odds. Existing in the same lifetime as Taylor without at least trying to meet her doesn't feel right. I won't look at my son and teach him to let fear and doubt win, or that defying the odds is an impossible task.

Over the years I’ve been a spectator to her outreach to fans. She’s invited them to sessions in her homes, sent them gifts, invited them backstage, surprised them in their homes, made hospital visits, and Lord knows what else she has up her sleeve. And it’s all been done with pure excitement and love for her Swifties. With each outreach she extends, tears of joy are shed for fellow Swifties, and a ray of hope inspires me.

So, I’m starting a personal blog

which tells a very personal story of all the dragons I’ve fought with Taylor over the years. From living in a car at 15 years old to getting invited to LA premieres for Walt Disney and Marvel films. And I'll have no apologies for the truths that will be told (but will change names for privacy). It will be very personal and some of it won’t be pretty. Because life isn’t always pretty.

Taylor is releasing another album this year... we hope,

and she’ll be on yet another tour in 2020. After 12 years I’m finally ready for it. I’ve given my son everything he could possibly want or need. I’ve bought him a beautiful home in Northern Georgia. He’s been able to travel the world and do things most adults haven’t even done. And I owe much of that to Taylor for giving me the strength to take major risks, the courage to face my demons, the balls to cut people out of my life who were toxic and the self-confidence to defy the odds and do things my way.

2019 is our year to show @taylorswift how much we love her.

I’ll let the universe do the rest. Till then, I’ll be fighting dragons with her as I always have and writing my journal for her and anyone else who wants to read the memoirs of an OG Swiftie mom who keeps it real AF, full-on hair bun and all.

[mikeylawrence]

(cis-female ) haven’t seen HADLEY BECKER around in a while. the OLIVIA HOLT lookalike has been known to be (+) PASSIONATE & (+) ADVENTUROUS, but SHE can also be (-) RECKLESS & (-) CRUDE. The 22 year old is a JUNIOR majoring in FILM/VIDEO. I believe they’re living in AUDAX but I popped by earlier and no one answered the door.

You know the drill, like this if you’d like to plot! It’s Mad Dawg by the way. I play Rory & Bash as well. 

abuse mention tw, death tw,

SO her mom died while giving birth to her younger sister which was tough and it definitely took it’s toll on the family. Her father spiraled into a downward depression and took to alcohol and Hadley did everything she could to try to keep their family together, for her little sister’s sake but nothing seemed to work. When she was merely 14, their father was arrested for a drunk driving accident.

Nobody knew what to do with the two girls so they were put in the foster system. They tried to stay together but since Hadley was so much older…and damaged, she was making it harder for her sister to get adopted into a nice family. So when her sister was diagnosed with cancer, it was a no brainer for Hadley to do everything she could to get her sister the treatment she needed. A family fell for Gracie despite her terminal illness and decided to adopt her. (Listen…Gracie is legit the cutest and coolest kid in the freaking world. So it’s not surprising.)

Hadley moved from foster home to foster home and could never make it stick. She was still upset about her mom’s death and her Dad and felt just…really lost. Trust no longer came easily for the girl and she had no idea who she was or what she was doing. Not to mention, feeling like a failure of a sister and feeling like she was a burden on her already sick sister.

Let’s just say her foster situations…were never great. Always awful and I’ll spare you the details. BUT in the worst home, where the Dad was an abusive prick, she met her best friend and platonic soulmate and the two became inseparable!

Hadley started taking to filmmaking as a means to showing her sister the adventures she partook on when she was confined to the hospital bed, wanting her to feel like even though she wasn’t physically with her…she was with her. Documentary filmmaking sort of became her way to express herself?

Now she works at the movie theater as the projectionist and doesn’t take anything seriously? It’s getting…a lil old. Her sister is still really sick and they can’t seem to beat the cancer. Not to mention that she found out her sister’s adoptive parents are struggling to pay the bills and Hadley is doing everything she can to earn some more money.

WHICH is why she just realized how much money there is in making tasteful porn so she directs those with her bestie. HMU if you want your charrie involved in this somehow? 

Also random point, she’s always been a total tomboy and to this day still feels weird sometimes when she’s wearing dresses or make up. 

PERSONALITY:

A passionate and feisty force to be reckoned with. Comes off as cool and collected but in all actuality she’s a lost soul, intimidated by the rest of the people that surround her who seem to know what they want to do. Has no problem fighting for other people and she’d risk her life for those that she loves. She has trouble taking care of herself and putting herself first which…again puts her into a lot of compromising situations. Very down to earth and sarcastic and she’s one of those people you just…can’t really stop looking at? Just to see what the hell she’d do next. Isn’t afraid to speak her mind.

PLOTS THAT I’M LOOKING FOR:

[ current | fwb ] muse a and muse b met through mutual friends and quickly hit it off as friends. offhandedly one day, muse a mentioned something one day that muse b quickly turned sexual. they locked eyes and the next minute they were in a room, locked away, undressing each other. after exiting the room, the two agreed that it would never happen again…until a few days later, when it did. they keep saying they won’t come back for more.

[ current | just do it already ] muse a and muse b have been in love with each other for like, ever. neither of them are willing to admit it though, even to themselves. their friends are constantly joking about it and they both wave it off – but when one isn’t looking, anyone could see the adoration in the other’s face with ease.

[ current | crushes ] muse a and muse b have had a flirtationship going on for quite some time. they’ve always hinted at feelings toward another in conversation, never outright saying it. a few days/weeks ago, muse a blurted their feelings for muse b and quickly changed the subject afterward. they haven’t spoken about it since.

[ current or past | dating ] muse a and muse b were the kind of people that immediately rejected each other, going to other people instead. then muse a found themselves in a room with their ex and pulled muse b aside to ask them to fake being their significant other for the night. over the next few hours, their fake date became a real one and soon things progressed into a relationship.

[ previous | friends…i guess? ] muse a and muse b were friends prior to their spontaneous hook-up and their world turned upside down. dazed, they decided to start dating that moment and to their credit, tried to make it work for a few weeks. muse a finally ( and nervously ) let out that they weren’t feeling it. to their relief, muse b admitted they were feeling the same. they decided to stay friends, but now have the added “i’ve seen you naked” awkwardness.

[ previous/current | on again, off again ] muse a and muse b love each other, but their relationship is toxic so they are constantly on and off. they always get along as friends, but the second they became lovers something always changes. they care a lot about each other, but something always goes awry.

[ your choice | hook up ] muse a recently broke up with their significant other, and in their post-breakup state got some revenge by hooking up with their ex’s best friend, muse b. neither expected the night to be so…memorable. your choice on what they do about it.

[ previous | fwb ] muse a and muse b first got together because it was convenient and well, the other was there. after a while, muse b started acting like they were dating and muse a, not wanting a relationship, cut off the ‘benefits’ part of their friendship. they’re still friends, but it’s your choice whether it’s awkward or not.

[ positive | two way street ] muse a and muse b frequent the same coffee shop and often made casual hellos to each other until the coffee shop raised their prices. muse a went to order their usual drink and lifted their eyes in surprise at the new price, hand helplessly prepared to hand over exact change. muse b quickly swooped in and saved the day, buying both of their coffees. next time they were both in the shop, muse a paid for muse b’s drink. they flip who pays each time as some sort of game now, but they’ve only had minor conversation as one or the other always seems to be in a rush.

[ positive | friends ] when muse a moved in, they didn’t expect to see muse b climbing up/standing on the fire escape right outside their living room window. they went to confront muse b and scared them, making both fear for the life of muse b for a moment. apologetic, muse a invited muse b in and the two connected almost immediately. ( muse b may or may not have explained their presence on the fire escape during this conversation // reason could have been that they knew who lived in muse a’s apartment before but didn’t know that they moved )

[ positive | confidant ] muse a and muse b aren’t really friends outside of the times they’re spilling their hearts out to each other. originally it started when muse a, extremely distressed, literally ran into muse b and muse b refused to let muse a go until they were talked down. when something goes wrong, you can be assured that these two are together.

[ positive | friends ] it started with something simple, when muse b dropped something on the ground and muse a chased after muse b to return it. needing to thank muse a, the two went to coffee and the two hit it off and are now close friends.

[ current | platonic or romantic ] *tw: alcohol. muse a and muse b met at a bar. throughout the night, muse b got more and more inebriated. being the good ( or bad ) samaritan they are, muse a decides to take muse b back to their house before they end up on the floor. when they arrive at muse a’s building/house, muse b ( loudly ) asks muse a how the heck ! muse a knew where they lived. turns out – they live a mere few floors/doors/houses away from each other.

[ current | romantic ] muse a and muse b live in the same building as each other, though they didn’t meet in their building. they sparked up conversation and hit it off, agreeing to go on a date with each other that weekend. after their meeting, they both started walking back to their homes and realized they were walking to the same place.

[ current | platonic ] muse a is an extrovert – so much so that when muse b started moving in, they didn’t even wait for the moving truck to pull away before introducing themselves. in fact, muse a even started helping unload the truck without being asked. ( BONUS: muse b was super grateful for the help and their relationship is great // muse b is Grumpy™ and was annoyed that muse a started helping without asking and their relationship is tense. )

[yourknightingale]

Bechloe is Real, Bechloe is Endgame (THIS IS THE WHOLE MOVIE SO DONT READ IF YOU HAVENT WATCHED)

Obviously this will contain spoilers. Bear with me. This is all by memory and as chronological as I can so this is super lengthy.

I can’t stop thinking about this. Here in Tumblr, I’ve seen a lot of other people’s theories, some Bechloe details they’ve spotted in the movie, and even the subcontexts. (Hurrah, you guys!) But please, allow me to do another take. Or maybe just a combination of all the ideas in most shippers’ heads.

PP2 Chloe, first of all, was so afraid to leave the Bellas that she had to fail classes, right? Yet, when they graduated, she stayed with Beca and Fat Amy. I mean, Fat Amy and Beca were already roommates in PP2 so it wouldn’t be a surprise if they just continue that. But Chloe? That’s actually pretty interesting. It makes me wonder why.

So now, the three of them are living together— in a 2-bedroom small-spaced apartment. Fat Amy, I agree, would need her own bed to herself. So our Bechloe may have been “forced” to share a bed, like share a bed by default. We all know where this is going because grumpy cat Beca sleeps with bouncy happy Chloe. There will be no personal boundaries regardless of how much one would’ve complained at first. Eventually, Chloe wears Beca down.

3 years of that, and you tell me Bechloe won’t fall into a mutual kind of understanding about each other’s feelings. Fat Amy is basically just blocking actual sexual tendencies between the other two. In my scenario, Beca and Chloe are much much much closer than Chloe was to Aubrey and Beca was to Fat Amy. To the point actually that everything that happens in their lives, the first thing they do is let the other one know. So this is where PP3 opens.

Remember in the apartment scene, Chloe asked, “What happened?”. Fat Amy then replied that Beca was fired. And Chloe’s face there was just like I knew that already but I have to pretend it shocked me so you won’t question how I know and you don’t.

Next scene, they went to the “reunion” with the New Bellas. And everything Bechloe in those scenes were in other people’s post already (ie the cup, the songs mentioned). There was also a moment there where Chloe said, “They all definitely have boyfriends”. There’s a gif going around on what kind of face Beca pulls in response to this. In my head, I translated it to “We share a bed. We sleep together. You cuddle with me. I text you a lot. We eat together. We do a lot of things together when Fat Amy ditches us to party or date because she doesn’t have a legit job she needs to wake up early to. We’re definitely more than best friends now, Chloe. Why the heck do you sound so envious of these young girls having boyfriends? What am I, chopped liver?” Well, I may have overthought that brief second expression but whatever.

Drunk Chloe making a toast is not new to Beca. She’s probably seen and dealt with something worse. So Bechloe was just interacting with other Bellas so nobody will be suspicious (because they obviously know that the other Bellas are aware of Bhloe). Basically, that’s the only reason why they’re being lowkey. They just don’t want to draw any unnecessary attention to themselves. Because even though they have a mutual understanding, no one really confessed anything. Which leads us to

Spain, Bellas! Chicago enters the scene and Beca immediately notices smitten Chloe. Oh boy! We all know Chloe is down for anything. So I also agree that lust is what she has for this guy in uniform. (So in the Riff-off, I just want to encourage all of you to watch Background Beca.) The Bellas got off the van and some details here about Chicago offering her hand to Chloe and to Beca, too, but she just didn’t take it. When they get to their rooms, the Bellas’ heads peaked out of their doors one by one. Of all rooms, Bechloe chose to be next to each other’s. They have separate door numbers but their rooms are certainly side by side. And they’re both on the bed, too, with the “picking chocolates” scene. They may not talk directly to each other but their closeness manifested, for sure.

Theo comes in and talks to Beca but she just isn’t down for dudes. She said he looks like a turtle. Uhm what? He’s nice to her but she blows him with that? Somebody’s still probably thinking about a pining lady over uniform guy and isn’t just in the mood to entertain. “That was so much eye contact”, she said with a kind of tone that suggests she finds it weird and disturbing. And don’t we remember the shower scene with Chloe’s “hypnotizing eyes”?

Bellas perform Cheap Thrills. (I just scream when bechloe are in the same frame, that’s all.)

The ladies are in a room discussing using instruments and such and Bechloe are on the bed (again!). This is the scene where Emily storms in and tells them to dress up. So they went to the Casino, and when Aubrey tells them to pair up, Bechloe walked off together. Now, this is mentioned already so many times. But I just want to say that I actually would’ve expected Aubrey and Chloe to pair up and Fat Amy and Beca to pair up. It makes sense, doesn’t it? But I get why they have to make Fat Amy all by herself. So one pair got a 3rd person. Anyway, this is where the infamous boob grab scene happens. Chloe actually felt Beca up a bit and so the lady had to ask, “Dude, what is this about?” It’s like, we’re so distracted and busy with the USO Tour and now is the time that you think is the best to start doing this? It’s a good thing Aubrey intervened. Or is it NOT a good thing? I mean, by the looks of Chloe, she seems to be wanting to do that for a while, maybe thinking “I’ve seen these but I don’t actually know how they feel in my hands. Unlike Prince’s butt. Let me push them a little bit. It’s different when she’s awake or I pretend to accidentally brush my hands over them.”

Remember in the suite when Theo asked to borrow Beca? Chloe was about to go with them, right? That’s why Turtle boy had to say just for a second. I mean, even that guy realized they’re a pair that actually needs permission when separated. I mean, Flo was there, too. And some Bellas. But Bechloe, well...

Beca and Chloe don’t have to talk for us to realize there’s something going on there.

Now they’re in Italy, I think. Remember when the Bellas were in the pool talking about Evermoist? This is when Beca bumps into Theo, with her arms up, covering her chest. She doesn’t even want any physical contact with this dude. Seriously! Also, the other Bellas went out for a drink and Chloe made a toast again. She’s been drinking through this movie. I wonder if it’s because of a certain small DJ and a handsome stranger surnamed Walp. Like, she’s undeniably trying to sort out her feelings for Beca and her lust for Chicago. That dude is charming so it still makes sense. She gets distracted again, of course, because of the whole hostage crisis situation.

Beca, of all safe places to sit, decides to hide behind Chloe. Surprise, girl friend! I’m here to save you. And the snaps we see of Bechloe during Toxic, with the eye contact? You tell me that isn’t a mix of I’m glad you’re here, we’re gonna survive this and if we’re gonna die tonight, I’m gonna regret not making out with you. This performance is key to Bechloe.

A lot of things are revealed in the confessions scene. Beale was probably gonna surprise Beca beforehand by telling her first that she passed her vet test but they were really in a complex situation so she had to say that in front of everyone. Beca still looks proud of her though. So there’s that.

“She loves hugs,” Chloe speaks. Of course, she says that. She knows. She mainly played a major part in that. She probably just didn’t know Beca meant HER hugs. Beca loves HER hugs. But it was still a heartwarming moment for the Bellas.

And now, we’re in the end. Freedom may have been Beca’s coming out song. I know a lot of people said that already and I don’t see why not. Chloe looks really proud of her. She was just sitting with Chicago but she’s probably glad Beca invited all the Bellas up. That way she leaves cute guy behind.

Bechloe hug after the song. Beca probably whispers, “This is more like the hug that I learned to love.” And this is where it became so obvious to everyone that Beca and Chloe really are endgame.

They probably talk about this in private afterwards, where you can imagine the confession happened, or maybe not yet. Still this is when they knew they should end up together.

Chloe still has that kiss scene with Chicago, though, right? So what was that about? How does that make Bechloe real? Well, this scene was fixed by a drabble I read that actually made sense to me. In that said fic, Chloe only kissed Chicago to let that “guy in uniform is so hot” out of her system. That’s it. It doesn’t mean anything. That’s possible. Without doubt, she told Beca about that and the other gal is probably like, “I don’t really mind. Especially now I know you’re really into me.” I kinda picture Beca as someone who is not easily jealous without reason.

So there you go. I explained it. Bechloe is real. Bechloe is endgame. I can finally sleep because I can believe now that this is what happened in the movie.

[randompandagirl]

So I just reread my Nano from last year (for the first time) that I thought was a piece of garbage... and it was much better than I thought it was. It’s not amazing, but it definitely made me laugh at bits (I think I’m hilarious, honestly). Anyway, I actually want to write more in it for fun. I also decided I am going to post it on here because I feel like it. So below is Chapter One. Even if it gets no comments I will probably post the other three chapter later.

This story is about a school for Time Travelers.

Elsewhere Chapter One “And afraid of a disaster, Miss Clavel ran faster and faster.” - Madeline, Ludwig Bemelmans  

                                                         Kinsley’s POV

“And you have absolutely no say?” Yesenia asked, giving me the side eye as she popped another cherry into her mouth.

  I shook my head. “No say whatsoever. I tried begging, I tried bargaining, I tried threatening. Nothing.” 

 “Well that's stupid. It's not like you're moving, or some delinquent! Why in the world does your mom think it's a good idea to send you to a boarding school for senior year? And besides, aren't boarding schools for like, super rich people?” Yesenia was about to grab another cherry but I quickly put the lid on the container and moved them away. I sighed as I did so and shook my head. 

  “Apparently I am getting a scholarship or something.” Which honestly made no sense to me, nothing did about this situation, but this least of all. I was a slightly below average student and I was held back in seventh grade, so I was also older than everyone else (except Keegan, but then, even some of the teachers were younger than him). If that doesn't scream not scholarship material I don't know what does. Also, I don't remember applying for anything. I would have remembered applying for a fancy school in New Zealand. 

   Yesenia, now that the food was out of her reach, stood, leaving me to sit alone on the park bench. “So you're really leaving tomorrow.” 

  I nodded up at her, lifting my hand to block out the sun.

   “That's just great.  Now I'll have to sit with Becky for lunch.” She sighed and then shrugged. “I guess I'll see you when I see you.”

    I just nodded again and then watched her as she left. Yesenia had been the last person on my list of people to say goodbye to before I left. It went just as I thought it would. We weren't that close, but I knew she would be mad if I didn't at least try to make an effort. Not that I would be here to see, but I know for a fact she would have been subtweeting me for weeks.

  I sighed opening up the cherries and tossing one in my mouth.  I knew I should probably be heading home, but who knows when the next time I would be in North Carolina was?  I wanted to enjoy the sights and sounds one last time.

   I closed my eyes and leaned my head back  and just soaked up the sun, letting my mind race.

   When my mother had told me three weeks ago that I would be attending Sudbrink Academy in New Zealand for my senior year I thought she had finally lost it.  I thought for sure it was a scam, so I googled it. I called the school and talked to real people. It was not a scam, everything they said seemed legit. 

 Even so I was skeptical. I was still skeptical. I would probably stay that way until started classes. Who knows, maybe even still.

   A buzzing feeling on my leg alerted me to the fact my mother was calling. She always called. Never texted. Which meant I always had to have my phone at least on vibrate.

   I sat up, opening my eyes, and answered her call. “Yes?”

   “You're still meeting me and Dan for dinner, right?” Her voice sounded frantic. It always sounded frantic. She always seemed to be worried about something or anxious about another. 

  “Yes. I told you, five thirty.” I quickly checked the time on my phone. “It's five. I've got time.”

    “Okay, okay! I just wanted to make sure you remembered. I will see you there!” She hung up before I could reply.

    I knew I should probably go home and make myself presentable before going out to dinner with my mother and her boyfriend, but I didn't really have much left that wasn't already packed away. So instead I just sat on the park bench just a little while longer and watched as a couple of kindergartners chased each other across the playground.

   As I watched I began to feel myself zoning out. Everything started to feel foggy and my vision became cloudy. I could no longer hear the shouts of the little girls. My stomach clenched as I realized what was happening. I forced myself to drop my head into my lap and covered my ears with my hands.

    “You're here, you're fine. You're here, you're fine.” I muttered to myself until I once again heard the little childish screams. I lifted my head and everything was back to normal. I had to get out of here. I threw the cherries into my backpack and slipped it on. As I headed for my bike chained up against a near by tree I counted. I counted how many episodes I had had in the past month. Seven. This was my seventh episode.

   I wasn't quite sure what was happening but it made me feel sick to my stomach. It felt like I was was being erased. It was the only way I could describe it, and did, to my therapist.  She had tried to help, I know she had, but nothing changed; it was still happening.

   My thoughts kept moving as I started to bike to the restaurant. Truthfully, and this was not something I had told anyone, but I was actually happy to be leaving. The circumstances that were making it happen made no sense, but I had lied to Yesenia when I said I had tried everything

.   When my mother told me, I, of course, at first was outraged, but the more I thought of it, the more I wanted it. To leave.  I hated my school, I really didn't have a best friend, or even a close friend. My boyfriend and I had broken up a bit before the school news (good riddance) and my mother was... well... my mother. 

  It wasn't her fault. She had a problem, and I know she is taking her meds, and trying her best, but at the end of the day, I just feel like we're two people living in the same apartment  for convenience only. I know that is a horrible way to view a parent, and there are some days where she is a mother. But most days we barely see each other.

   Me leaving would be best for both of us. She would be able to focus on Dan and her job, and I wouldn't have to feel guilty for feeling like she was my child more than my mother.

Dinner went just as well as expected. I was waited almost a half an hour for my mother and Dan to arrive at the restaurant and then had to endure Dan's quips such as, “Are you sure your Denise's daughter? Maybe you were switched at birth! Like that tv show!”

   Dan was a nice guy and good to my mom; he could just be terribly stupid at times.  The truth is, Dan wasn't the only one to have made those 'jokes' though. That's what happens when your mom is blonde and blue-eyed and your father was a random Japanese exchange student that your mother can't remember the name of.  You end up looking nothing like your only blood relative that you know. With my black hair and hazel eyes, the only part of us that look even slightly familiar is our noses: long and narrow.

   So the comments were a common occurrence, though Dan had been with my mother for about a year now, so now they were just annoying.

   After dinner was done my mother and I went home where we sat on the couch and watched Singing in the Rain. Well, my mother slept and I watched as I painted my nails. I glanced at her every once in a while and couldn't help the sense of relief that rushed through me whenever I thought about tomorrow.  I glanced one more time at my mother, quietly snoring with her mouth open, and leaned over to place a blanket over her.

     Tomorrow I would hop on a plane and would be gone for almost a year. Nothing to worry about but my school work. No teachers that already hated me. No fake friends to keep up with. No ex-boyfriend to avoid. I could completely start over. Be someone totally different. 

~~  I had never been on a plane before. In fact I have never been out of North Carolina before so my eyes were everywhere every step of the way. The flight had been paid for by the school, which I was pretty sure was not protocol, but neither my mother nor I questioned it because $2,000 for a plane ticket was two thousand dollars out of our price range. It was a nice flight, but was ridiculously long and by the time we landed I was very discombobulated.

   When I stepped off of the plane, after going through customs, I was surprised to see someone standing there waiting for me. I knew they were waiting for me by the sign that held my name in big block letters: Kinsley Bennett.

   “I'm Kinsley Bennett.” I said, walking closer to the woman that stood there, my feet feeling like lead with each step. She smiled warmly at me.

   “Kinsley, I'm Ursula! I am one of the caretakers of the grounds at Sudbrink Academy! Come with me, and we will gather your belongings and be on our way!”

  I wasn't sure what time it was, but I knew everything she said was way to bright for me. I yawned discreetly trying to hide it behind a hand and followed her through the airport to the baggage claim where thankfully all my luggage was. I had heard stories about baggage being lost or damaged and had worried about that the last hour of the flight.

   All the while Ursula talked, but I was so tired that nothing she said registered with me whatsoever. I remember thinking vaguely how dangerous it was that I was not fully aware of my surroundings, but not for long. Once we got into her car she insisted I sleep for it was a bit of a drive to the Academy and I promptly obeyed.

When I woke up I was no longer in the car. That was the very first thing I noticed because my body was outstretched and everything was still. My eyes flew open and I sat up fast

.   “Your awake!” 

   The voice was accented, British, and young sounding and not at all familiar. My head jerked to where the voice came from and I saw a teenage girl sitting on a bed across the room. I looked down and saw that I was in a bed as well.   

“What the hell.” I stated. “How did I get in here?”

    The girl smiled brightly, and two dimples appeared on either side of her cheeks and her blonde ponytail swung as she stood to her feet.

    “Ursula brought you in! She tried to wake you up but she said you were sleeping like the dead, so she carried you in! I helped bring in your luggage. I didn't open anything, I swear!”

    I didn't answer her I just peeled the blanket off of my body my face scrunched up in a scowl. How did Ursula carry me in? What kind of person carries a sleeping nineteen year old. 

   “I'm Tilly by the way! Short for Matilda.” The girl said standing in front of me now with her hand outstretched.

   I looked at her hand and then up and her little cherub face and then shook her hand reluctantly.

   “Kinsley.” I stood and immediately went for my things. “How long did I sleep. What time is it?”

   Tilly titled her head to side as she thought. “Well I think it's been about four hours since Ursula dropped you off. I just came back from dinner. I'm your roommate by the way, if you didn't guess that by now!”

    I found what I was looking for, my hair brush, and sat back on the edge of my bed. “Great, I am going to have some major jet lag.” I sighed and then looked at Tilly again. “I'm sorry, but I'm still a little weirded out about the whole someone carried me in here thing.”

    Tilly laughed. “Well, that's Ursula for you! She treats us all like her children. She is such a sweetheart!”

    I made a non-commital grunt as I hit a snag in my hair. “Sure.'” 

   “Well, I can show you the dinning hall if you're hungry!” Everything this girl said was bright and cheery. I was not sure how I was gonna last with her as my room mate for a year.  She was the kind of person I usually avoided. I didn't have the stomach for twenty-four seven optimism. Here was hoping we weren't in any of the same classes.

   I pulled the hair brush through my hair in one last stroke and then dropped it to my bed and stood. “Do we have curfew?” I asked. 

   “Ten o'clock!”

   “Right, okay. Uh, thanks for offering, but I'm gonna just... go by myself.”  

  Tilly's smile faltered just for a moment, but then was back. “Okay!  The dinning room is on the floor level. All the dorm rooms are on the top two levels. The classrooms are in between. We are in the east wing, room 23!”

    “Thanks.” I looked around for my purse, which I found on the dresser that stood next to my bed and grabbed my phone.

    Without another word I left the room and started wandering around for an elevator.  This place was huge, I soon realized. I mean, I had seen the pictures on it's website, but I was guess I thought it was deceiving. After going down hallway after hallway of rooms I finally found an elevator. I pushed the down button and waited.

   When the doors opened one other person was inside. It was the first person I had seen since Tilly. I had heard some people behind doors, but not a single person had been in the halls. It was strange.

   I stepped into the elevator and pushed the button for ground level and then eased myself onto the elevator wall. I glanced at the other person with me. It was a young man, probably roughly my age, who looked maybe Mexican? He had wild curly hair that came to rest just above his shoulder and the longest eyelashes I had ever seen on a guy. I only noticed them because his eyes were closed.

   He had earbuds in and must have been listening to music. I don't think he even noticed me get on.  I looked back at the panel of buttons and saw that we were on the eighth floor out of ten. That was ridiculous. I swore under my breath. 

  “You're new here, aren't you.” The voice definitely held a Spanish accent.

   I rolled my eyes. “How can you tell?” 

  “You're leaning against the freshly painted wall.”

  “What!” I cried jumping off of the wall, throwing a look over my shoulder. Sure enough there was yellow paint on my shirt. I groaned. 

   “That's great.” I muttered. “Who paints a wall and doesn't put up a sign?”  

  The boy shrugged, a small smile on his face, and puts his ear buds back in. 

    I frowned and  looked to see what floor we were on. Two. I sighed; I wanted to change my shirt, but I was also hungry. My stomach rumbled at the thought of food. Dinning hall it was. The doors opened and I stepped out, the boy following me. Thankfully he headed in the opposite direction. 

   I wondered briefly how many people he was going to tell that the new girl just branded herself as much with a coat of paint. I sighed and kept walking down the hall I had chosen. Thankfully the Dinning hall was not far and still open. 

   I checked my phone. It was six and a couple of kids were still eating. The dining hall was not like any cafeteria I had been in. It actually gave me Harry Potter feels as I surveyed the area. There were long tables in rows, but instead of a head table, it was a food bar with what looked to be the kitchen peaking through a hole in the wall. 

  Dinner was uneventful. No one came up to me and I approached no one. I wandered around the ground level a bit, finding the main entrance and a library before I backtracked to the elevator and returned to my room. 

  Tilly was still there and was sitting at her desk (there were side by side desks facing out the windows, I assumed the other desk was mine) using a sewing machine.  After I changed into some pjs (I doubted that I would be going out again) I sat down on bed once again and watched her. I suppose I should know some things about her so that I could be prepared. 

   “So, Tilly.” I started.

    She lifted her head from her sewing machine and stopped, turning in her chair to smile at me. “Kinsley! You found your way back!”  

  “Yeah. So, how long have you been going to school here?” 

   She hesitated and then answered slowly, “Well... I've been here since I was ten. I actually live here.” 

   My eyebrows rose in question. “You live here? What, do your parents teach here or something?”

    She looked down at her hands that were  gripping the back of her wooden chair. “Ah, no, actually. My parents passed away when I was young. The board thought this would be the safest place for me.” 

   Now I was really confused. “What?”

   Her eyes lifted to mine and realization seemed to pass over her face. “Oh, right. You're new. Completely new. Don't worry, tomorrow at Assembly everything will make more sense.”

    I sure hoped she was right because at that moment I was confused as hell.  Assembly was at eight thirty in the morning, which normally would be fine, but I was messed up with the time difference. I missed breakfast, but I had some gushers in my purse that I quickly consumed. Unlike the night before I didn't want to wander my way to Assembly and miss being late so I went with Tilly whose pony tail was definitely hair sprayed and barely moved.

   We found seats in the back which surprised me because Tilly seemed more like a front row Teacher's Pet kind of girl.  However, I did not complain as I slid into my seat and looked around.

   The room was actually an auditorium, it looked like it could seat at least five hundred people, though there was definitely not that many people. There was stage where two tables sat with eight people sitting behind them. One person was at the microphone. It was a large, tall man wearing a very sharp suit. In fact, everyone sitting at the tables seemed to be dressed really well.

   I looked down at my clothing, which was a pair of skinny jeans and a white and black striped shirt. I wasn't slumming it, but I also wasn't tea with the Queen. I shot a glance around the auditorium just to check out everyone else, but they all seemed to be dressed pretty normal was well.

   “Hello, and welcome everyone to Sudbrink Academy!” The man at the microphone's voice boomed throughout the auditorium. Everyone's head swiveled to the stage and a hush fell over the room.

   “Most of you are returns, but we do have a few new students joining us. Six to be exact, and I just want to personally welcome you. I am the Head of Council, Dr. Jansen.  After Assembly all six of you will join me in my office, for a more in depth briefing.” 

  Tilly grabbed my arm and gave it a squeeze, giving me an excited smile. I forced a smile back as I yanked my arm back, frowning as soon as she looked away.

    “For everyone else, we are glad you decided to come back and learn another year with us. It is important to always learn and perfect your craft and here at Sudbrink you are learning from the best. As usual protocol, all traveling must be approved by a member of the board only, no exceptions. We do not want any trouble. Now, I would like our newest students to join me in my office, while everyone else, please give your full attention to Professor Lin.”

   I hesitated for a moment. I was not really in the mood to stand and draw attention to myself, but I had a feeling if I didn't get up, Tilly would do something, so I eventually stood and followed two other kids that were leaving the auditorium.

   None of us said anything as we followed Dr. Jansen to his office. As we were walking  I counted in my head and only came up with five of us. I wondered where the other student was, though the thought quickly passed when Dr. Jansen called me to his office first.

   “Kinsley Bennett.”  It must have been alphabetical.

   Once we were seated in his office he began. “I am so glad you could join us Kinsley.”

   “Thanks for having me... I just have a few questions-” I started, but he held up a hand to stop me. I shut my mouth, irritated, but I wasn't about to make a fuss. I was here on scholarship; I could be shipped home at any moment. And no matter how weird this was, I just got here and I did not want to leave just yet.  

 “I'm sure you have lots of questions, Miss Bennett, and I am hoping I can answer them. I am going to just go ahead and tell you why you are here. A couple of years ago we took notice of  you. We could sense a Traveling, but it was never constant so it took us a while to find you, but when we did we knew you had to be here. Had to be trained.

  Miss Bennett, you are what we call, a Traveler.” He took a pause here as if he was waiting for a reaction. I felt void of all emotion. What the hell was he talking about? I was really stuck on the whole, they had been watching me a while thing. 

   “What?” I finally said, because it did not seem like he was going to go on until I expressed interest in what he was saying.

    “You are a Traveler. You Travel.” Again he paused. I think he was getting some weird sense of joy from my utter lack of understanding.

   “Um, no, I stay at home and watch tv. This is the first time I've even been out of my hometown.”

    He laughed then and I narrowed my eyes. “No, no, my dear girl. Travel as in, time. And space. And parallels.”

     I knew it. I knew this whole scholarship thing was a scam. This was some kind of cult, or a big kidnapping scheme. I stood up, ready to flee.

    Dr. Jansen did not really seem all that fazed. “Miss Bennett, do please sit. I understand you may be experiencing confusion, but let me explain further. “  

  Again he waited for me. He was not going to speak until I sat, and I small part of me wanted to know how he was going to explain away all the bat shit crazy he just spewed. So I sat.

    “Miss Bennett, have you ever been somewhere, maybe alone, maybe with a group of people, and then all of a sudden you are not where you once were? Have you ever been in one place, and then it seemed to fade away and then you were in another? Have you ever felt like, you were being erased from right now?”

    My mouth became dry as he spoke. It was like he had sat in on my therapy sessions. My therapist was the only person I had every told any of that to. So unless he had some how gotten a hold of her and tortured confidential information out of her then...  Then what, I wasn't sure. But it was something. It had to mean something.

    “I have never traveled through time, or space or whatever.” I finally said,  and just saying that out loud made me feel like an idiot.

    “No, you are right about that, but that is only because you don't know how. It's in your blood, your body knows what it was meant to do, but your mind has been hesitant. Here at Sudbrink Academy we will teach you all you need to know about Traveling.”

    He seemed to earnest and sincere, but like, weren't cult leaders like that? And Tilly...  

  “So... everyone here can time travel?” I asked.

   He nodded. “Yes, everyone who teaches and attends this school is a Traveler. For many people this is home. I am not sure if you noticed but we have people of many different ages here. Travelers are all family.”

    I had not noticed the age difference thing, but I didn't really pay that much attention to the people. I didn't know what to do. I didn't have the money to go home,and no outdoor survival instincts to be heard of so I couldn't just run away. 

And what if...    What if he was telling the truth?    I know it sounded crazy but it would explain a couple of things. It would definitely explain the feeling I had of not being all quite here.  Then, without another thought, I decided to believe him. To trust him. 

   “So... I'm a Traveler.” 

   As if he could hear my decision in my voice he nodded and smiled. “Yes, Miss Kinsley. I know you may have a plethora of questions, but that is what this school is for. To learn more about yourself. Now, unless you have any supremely pressing needs, I will need to speak to the next new student.”

    I thought for a moment. What qualified as a supremely pressing need? “Um, I guess not.” I stood and he did as well and shook my hand. He opened the door for me and I exited, letting the next person go in. 

   Once in the hall a smartly dressed man who sat at a desk (he looked like a secretary?), called my name. I walked over to him and he handed me a folder with my name on it. I took it and opened it, leafing through the pages. 

   “That holds your schedule for this first semester and some basic rules to follow and a brief history.” He said this all kind of monotone, like he did it all the time and was sick of it.  

  “Thanks.” I said as I walked away. I took out some stapled papers that read: Schedule, on the front. I read the first page and realized that school didn't technically start till tomorrow. I was relieved. I still wanted to wrap my mind around all of this crazy, and read the rules and history. The history for sure, maybe it would help everything make more sense. 

[cxndyhexrts]

Fake Arrangements~ Penry

The next day was supposed to be a calm day. He had sent multiple messages to Amanda not to bother him with anything, he told his parents that he wouldn’t be waking up for breakfast-both him and Nikki would be a sight, being hungover. He snuck in the kitchen to get a few bottles of water and something to eat to shake off whatever had happened the previous day, and in every way. For sure, he had brought a lot of projects with him to work on and he felt lucky that this was a legit excuse. Locking the door behind him, his next move was to turn his laptop on and place the tray he got on the side. The day passed pretty quickly and he seemed to be sobering up pretty soon: his walls were definitely up again, but something was bothering him. Penelope Matthews: he’d never thought that this girl would ever cause any problem in his life, but there she was. They had to talk before she arrived, because all this might turn extremely suspicious in no time. Suddenly, a Skype call notification popped up and he gasped with the coincidence of it all. Clicking on the green phone button, he smiled at his cousin: “Speak of the devil”, he smirked at her.

Penny’s jaw dropped with the way Henry greeted her. “Oh my God-is everything okay?”, she asked. He had never talked to her like that and it felt very weird. After a few seconds, she realized why he actually said that and nodded. “Ah...right...I see...yes”, she pouted, trying to be serious, a look that her students had recognised since they met her. She was never a person that got angry easily and when she had to discipline someone, it felt really hard for her. “I don’t think it will be hard, you know. We have been acting like a couple while we were in New York. A lot of people have mistaken us for one”, she widened her eyes. “Do you remember that time in Olive Garden? With our small breadsticks food fight? We were cute, they weren’t wrong”.

-------------

Henry let her realize what he meant and  tried not to roll his eyes-not that he wasn’t having fun with her or she was wrong, but he’d never expect Nikki would be in the picture or any picture for that matter. “First of all, just a warning, keep your voice down, as much as you can. Please”, he said, knowing that Penny might start squealing any time now, repeating the word “cute”. “Secondly, how are we even going to do this? What about my parents? How are we going to act around them? Should we kiss? I don’t want to kiss. And at the same time, I am caught in this plan and I want it to be believable. Why did you agree to this?”, he ranted, throwing all those questions at her. “I wish I knew it before...I wish you told me something before, so that we’d plan it better”, he made a pause just to catch his breath. “I hate this-what has Amanda told you?”, he finally asked and decided to let Penny talk.

Penny blinked fast, trying to assimilate and probably answer all the questions at once. Taking a deep breath, she lowered the tone of her voice to almost a whisper: “I know that yesterday you were going to play a game and everything will be revealed”, she shrugged. “So, I didn’t know earlier than you”, she furrowed her eyebrows. “Amanda has been telling me about her best friend since we met each other. Nikki is like a friend of mine, as well even if I’ve never met her-and now I do want to meet her even more”, she said excitedly, sitting up on her chair. “Your parents are on board-Amanda said that Aunt Lizzie is going to act like I’m your bride-to-be, probably throwing shade at you that you aren’t the one who’s getting married”, she giggled. “Also, I don’t think we should kiss-I mean..yuck”, she wrinkled her nose. “And we don’t have to prove to anyone that we are a couple-they have no right to tell us what to do and what not to do publicly. We do show each other affection, we don’t kiss in public, and they still consider us as a couple”, she smiled wider. “Ding-ding”, she said triumphantly. She was so eager to help out and honestly, she didn’t have anything to lose from all that. Besides, it was one of those rare times that she saw Henry being that flustered. “Tell me more about her, though. You’ve never talked about her to me-I thought she was only Amanda’s friend. And Amanda preferred to let you talk about it to me”, she rested her head on her hand, feeling way too excited to hear what Henry had to say.

----

“Oh my god, are you crazy?”, Henry exclaimed. “Do you know what she will think after you actually meet face to face? After what Amanda has told about you, she’d definitely hate you. Don’t expect her to be instantly friends with you”, he widened his eyes. “Of course”, rolling his eyes, Henry reached for his coffee mug and took a sip. “Mom is just playing around...I hope”, he pouted. Henry chuckled a little before making a buzzer sound. “Wrong-we have to prove that to Nikki, now. It’s our only goal....I guess”, he shrugged, trying to hold himself not to seem as freaked out as he thought he was. “But, yeah, it won’t mean anything if we don’t kiss”, he looked down. “We were great friends. Nikki, I and Amanda. Until...I went to college and...not many months later, I learned that Nikki’s boyfriend passed away”, he swallowed, still not looking at his laptop’s screen. “It’s truly sad and it hurts sometimes, I wasn’t really able to talk to her about it”, he frowned and found the strength to raise his head and look at Penny. “Anyway, the first summer back from college...something happened....a lot of things happened”, he felt his cheeks so hot. “And she left for college without saying anything. Amanda actually informed me she had left-I sent her multiple messages and then I gave up. If she didn’t want to continue this, I was...”, he sighed deeply, trying to keep his cool, “I wasn’t going to push it”, he looked down again. “You know the rest. I’ve told you about my previous relationships and how they went”, he sucked on his lower lip hard, so that he could find the strength and continue talking. “Until I learned from Amanda that Nikki has a boyfriend...I forgot to say that I never told anyone...that’s why I have never mentioned her to you. I was afraid that if I did, the flood of what...I am feeling will betray...all that”, he pouted. “ And that’s when I told Amanda. She hasn’t told her either. I don’t know when she will”, he rubbed his eyebrow with his finger, facing Penny again, that seemed like she was watching a chick flick, she didn’t want to be interrupted from. “Now that I saw her, it all came back-it’s crazy”, he chuckled nervously. “I don’t...want to cause any break up-it’s not me but still...I felt like nothing has changed from her side, as well”, he chuckled. “I even joked that she was the one pretending to be in a relationship instead of me”, he pressed his lips together, kind of relieved that he let that all out. “Needless to say that we fought...and I hated it...every bit of it. But...I am a little angrier about than I thought I would be...if I ever met her after that summer fling”.

Penny didn’t want to interrupt Henry-she always took advantage of people wanting to talk about something. It showed her what kind of people they were and Henry was very adorable and she’d never get enough. Once she was sure, he had finished narrating his story, she took a deep breath and smiled widely. “Oh my God-you are so cute”, she shouted intentionally. “I really really mean that”, she said excitedly and too into her role she was given. “ADORABLE”, she sang and made an impromptu dance to it. “Anyway”, she tried to act like she didn’t acted like that. “She does sound very confused, if you’d ask me. Maybe, if you give her time...although I don’t know if that would be cool with someone else in the picture. But, it would be super fun if it was revealed that her new boyfriend is a fake, as well. What.a.mess.indeed”, she sang the last sentence. Her expression changed to the pretentious serious one: “Also, I can’t believe you haven’t talked about me and let Amanda do all the talking”, she said and instantly giggle. She really couldn’t keep that cover. “Okay, I really need to go now and from what I can see”, she made a pause, just to squint her eyes to look at Henry’s background, “you are in your room. I know she could be listening to us right now-so...”, she said in a whisper and stood up, leaning closer to her laptop’s screen. “ Edible underwear, just like you like them”, she said rather loudly. “I need to show them to you in about one and a half week that I will be there. You’d looooove them”, she said and faked being unable to wink properly, hoping Henry would get their inside joke. “Henry Anderson....Good luck”, she sang and turned off the Skype call. What an adventure that will be...!!!

Henry’s face became even hotter with the way Penny reacted. He definitely said no shouting and that made his heart pound much faster. It took him a few minutes to realize what she was doing and chuckled nervously. “Right”, he nodded. When she said that she was leaving, he sat up quickly on his chair and tried to stop her from doing that, but her next sentences took him completely off guard. His jaw dropped too and stared at her for a long moment, until she turned off their chat. He started laughing with how the conversation went, and suddenly, it hit him how Penny and him had a random, completely non sexual conversation about edible underwear. He covered his face and felt slightly helpless for a second, but at the same time, Penny was Penny and he trusted  her that she’d follow Amanda’s mission. Also, he felt slightly lighter from opening up about that. He leaned back on his chair and let his head hung, trying to review what was going to happen. Hopefully, everything would turn out fine and a small part of him made him extra curious if Nikki might have heard anything Penny had said louder. He smirked at that and sat up again, trying to pull himself together-he had a lot of stuff to do and surprisingly, that was a nice distraction from it.

[steamishot]

Changes

~4/21? I think my mindset shifted a lot this past week, especially after staying with Matt and his family for a few days. Admittedly, I used to be very fearful of going outside to public spaces and be extra cautious every time I did take out. For example, my family and I have “outside clothes” and “inside clothes”. I would immediately toss my “outside” clothes into my laundry basket when I arrived home from the market or picking up food, even if I was out for just 5 minutes. My parents were against me doing any uber eats or takeout. They believed home cooked food was the best during this time and refused to eat non-homemade food. My mom left the house less than 2 times this past month. My dad is less fearful - he’s gone out multiple times a week (to buy food and for work) and doesn’t really care, but my mom and I always gave him shit for doing so. I felt like a huge hypocrite going out to see Matt, and was afraid of how my family would react. 

I’m really awkward whenever talking about love or romantic partners with my family - especially after what happened with my last parter. I’m avoidant. So I ended up only telling my mom I was going to leave to see Matt 30 minutes before I actually did pack up to go, which was very bad on my part. She was heartbroken and was super fearful and asked “can you not?”. She later called me during the car ride and told me not to come home for a month. Hearing that made Matt feel guilty, and he called my mom’s idea stupid. We got into a huge argument, with me trying to defend my family. I found out later there was some underlying resentment, where he felt like my family treats him like second-rate, which is probably my fault because I choose not to talk about partners to my family. 

4/25- it’s now been over a week that Matt has been home and I’ve seen his family every single day even on the days that we were staying at the Airbnb. Things have been kinda tense between us (I think he’s being mean to me, he thinks I’m mean to him). I realize that this is due to several issues:

- Quarantine/pandemic stresses: he’s a frontline worker in the epicenter of covid and working at one of the hardest hit hospitals. Even though he doesn’t verbally acknowledge his feelings and pretends he’s ok, he’s definitely more stressed out than usual. During this time, he’s even more sensitive to any criticism I have. He used to take it all (mostly), but he’s been retaliating more often recently. On his end, he feels that his whole life is a sacrifice, and he’s working extremely hard especially during this scary time - why do I have to criticize him during his vacation? I should just let him enjoy himself. 

-Attention: We’re staying with his family during this time, so it’s his time to catch up with everyone. He’s also catching up with his friends online. Because these are the people he rarely talks to (he calls me everyday vs. calling family for like 5 min once a week, and never calling/texting his friends), I have become last on the priority list in attention during his vacation. I keep telling myself it’s fine. However, because I’m also the person he is closest to, I feel like it’s me who puts up with his shit the most. Then I question, why do I have to be so nice to someone who is not very fit as a good partner (due to residency, especially during a time like covid), and on top of that has to be rude to me? I started feeling salty about that. 

- Lack of comfort: not to be ungrateful, but I realize that staying at someone else’s home for an extended period of time is stressful, even more so under quarantine. I’m not carefree at his home, and I feel like I have to be on my best behavior/ “professional” around his parents. I lose structure in my daily life and I always have to depend on someone else. I have a few articles of clothing I’m wearing over and over lol. His dad generously gave us his room (because it’s attached to a restroom). However, we’re sleeping on an old spring mattress that creeks with every movement. We’ve had to have quiet, inhibited sex lol. 

Anyway, I’m PMSing - 6 days before my period. I hate that I tend to PMS during the times that we have to spend together. I know my concerns are legit, but PMS can make it seem worse/more dramatic than what it is. I was watching Insecure season 4 yesterday, and there was a scene that stuck out to me. Issa’s best friend Molly (who has been single for quite some time) started dating a guy that she really likes. A few weeks later, she got upset that he wasn’t opening up to her. Issa asked something along the lines of “do you actually wanna be happy? you keep looking for problems.” Hearing that kinda put things into perspective for me, as I tend to focus on the negatives than see things as a whole.

Let’s focus on positive things:

- Having a partner in healthcare feels like having the fastpass in an amusement park. Going to costco and beating the line. Free stuff/food everyday. His mom is a PT at USC and she’s received free food, free orchids, free tangerines, etc. I stopped feeling guilty about being out for non-essential things (like going out for take out multiple times a day), because my doctor partner deserves it. When I return to my life at home, I’m not going to do this anymore. Also, he had a healthcare worker discount at the north face, and bought a jacket for me, his mom, and himself.

- Running. The men in his family are all into running. His dad is almost mid-60s and runs 5 miles multiple times a week. His teenage brother runs 7-9 miles like everyday. Matt used to run a lot too, and was the top runner in high school. That’s why even though he’s fat now, it’s only his upper body that is actually fat. His lower body still has that runner’s physique. I went out to the trail with them 3 times already. It’s hard because I have allergies in this weather, and also it’s damn hot. But I was able to run 3.5 miles last time. I’ll try for 4 today. 

- Everyday, his parents always ask him what I want to eat. They’re so accommodating, especially his dad. Tea is sacred to his dad, and he never really shared before. No one else in his family was interested in tea either. But because I showed interest and love tea, he’s been asking me multiple times a day - do you want tea? Do you want wine? LOL. He buys breakfast everyday - dimsum, burger king, mcdonalds, chinese breakfast, etc. They always make sure I am fed.

4/30 - after I wrote my last blurb, everything started going uphill. We both became more understanding of each other, and more forgiving. He became more relaxed, I became more relaxed. We were able to have fun again. to highlight the fun times that i had with him and his family:

- the first or second day i was over at his parents house, his dad offered me some tea, but i declined because it was already late and i was afraid i wouldn’t be able to sleep. i asked if we could take some tea leaves to go since were staying at an airbnb at the time. matt says he’s protective of his tea. i think he was a little shocked when i first asked him, because no one in his family is interested in tea, but he gave me like 2 bags initially. his mom was like GIVE HER MORE, GIVE HER 10. SHE IS LIKE FAMILY. i felt a little awkward but i love me some tea. 

- did so. much. takeout in 13 days. the first couple days I was still kinda paranoid about going out, but by the last day it felt like NBD to me. Got to eat poke, sugarfish sushi, nabemono hot pot, pho x3, banh mi, boba everyday, ramen x2 (men oh, ramenhood), burgers x3 (in n out, bunz, the win-dow), sugar cane x2, taro cake, yin ji chang fen, thai, philz, dim sum etc. it was reminiscent of our lifestyle whenever we went on vacation. we were still fatasses during quarantine. 

- played board games with his brother and mom. played poker with the family and his dad. his younger brother and i lost early on cause we suck, but he and his dad continued playing for another hour and a half or so - matt ended up winning. but it was very nice to see them spend time together as spending time playing games like that was never a thing in their family

- i helped his family take some cute family photos (with and without masks on). his mom likes taking family photos and usually gets to do so on family trips, but said they didn’t get any this year because of the quarantine. the boys aren’t big fans of photos either so she took advantage of me being there. i was also part of a few family photos!

- made charcuterie boards for his family. they really enjoyed it. 

- i spent some quality time with his 88 year old grandma. she mostly does her own thing (which is being babysat by an ipad), but one day i made her draw with me by following youtube tutorials - we drew a flower, mickey mouse, a cat, and a monkey together. she asked me to save a video so she can continue doing it and get better. another day, i wanted to have her write/read in english and chinese. his mom found an elementary chinese workbook and she ended up teaching me. the material was very easy and she was like “uh you’re already very good” lol. i then switched the roles and asked her to write in english - she was surprisingly very good and could write quite quickly. as an assignment, i asked her to write a letter to matt. it was precious. it took me back to the days where i would teach english to chinese seniors. i took a pic of them using my instax camera, and she really loved it. 

- watched farewell with his grandma, brother, and mom. we already watched it once before so he was sitting in the back only paying half attention. his brother was immediately into it and got emotional at times. at one point, he had to stand up and go towards the back of the room because the emotions were too much to handle. matt said his brother was tearing up. his mom said that watching their family was very relatable and it reminded her of her own family. i tried watching this film with my mom and grandma, but they didn’t get it and found it boring. it was nice to watch a chinese-american film with a chinese family to get that commentary.

- ran/walked/jogged at the trail a total of 20 miles during my stay there

- did home work outs - yoga, blogilates and peloton HIIT with him, his family and friends. we did echo park steve’s yoga one day too. his mom enjoyed peloton yoga and blogilates and asked me to save the videos for her. 

- in the first few days, his mom kept repeating “life is beautiful”. the first day, we cheered to him still being alive lol. (not funny and his mom was sleepless a few nights due to worrying, but i think it’s gonna be ok)

- news so I can remember: 3 programs in cali reached out to matt during his vacation, asking if he’s still interested in interviewing for a PGY-2 program. loma linda was one of them and would have been an amazing program to be a part of. it was a very hard decision, but he declined. he had already signed a contract with brooklyn, and this would require him to speak to his program director about his interest in switching programs. not a good look if you don’t actually get into the program. 

- his parents (moreso mom) is an avid, adventurous traveler. they had plans to go to africa this year and talked about rescheduling. she included matt and i in the plans to go next year and said “the four of us”. matt brought up norway instead, since that’s more doable. so we settled on going to norway as a family. 

- went with matt’s dad to drop him off at LAX yesterday morning at like 6:30am. he then dropped me at home, and officially met my mom for the first time. they shook hands and he told my mom “connie is so nice”. LOL. 

After coming home yesterday, my mom bombarded me with questions about matt and his family. and then asked about our future and whether we are thinking of marriage. she is against me moving to nyc during this pandemic, and i hate how uncertain everything is right now. she also thinks that i should be engaged before i uproot my life to move over to be with him. i agree to an extent, but i also understand if he is not ready. it is crazy that we have now been long distance longer than being together in person, and with this pandemic, i’m not sure how long that’s gonna continue. i found out that my mom feels ashamed of me going to stay at a boy’s house for that long. a boy i am not engaged/married to. she doesn’t say it but the actions make me seem slutty to traditional people. she hid the information from my brother and SIL - i think because she would be ashamed if the info leaked out to her parents. that is why she keeps pushing the idea of marriage/engagement on me. 

I took yesterday to kinda get used to being back at home, and felt quite sad to detach from my “second family”. In a way, even though it wasn’t always comfortable or easy, I at least felt I wasn’t stagnant. It was like a “bootcamp” to fit in with someone else’s family, their routines, and their daily lives. I’m also happy that I was pushed to run. They eat pretty heavy food, and they all overeat, but they also exercise a lot. My family portions well and eats very clean, but has milder workouts. Sometimes they intentionally skip meals to lose/maintain weight, whereas my family would throw a fit if we didn’t have food at a certain time. Their family is larger (130-190lbs), whereas my family is like (110-150 lbs)? After coming back home and eating my mom’s very clean food, I felt it wasn’t as tasty and I started craving heavier food lol. I think it would be beneficial for me to eat/live like their family for a few months (to gain weight and be stronger), and for matt to eat like my family to lose weight. 

When we were eating takeout ramen one day, his mom mentioned that he never used to eat carbs. When he was at home and had a workout routine, it was just protein and veggies. I realize that without me, he probably wouldn’t be such a fatass lol. He said he would probably be too lazy to go out to eat, especially if he didn’t have a partner. I remembered that before meeting me, his diet would be soylent and protein bars. We’ve come a long way.

Anyway, I’m finally getting back into my routine at home. It’s kinda boring now, but I’ll adjust. I did only the minimum for work these past two weeks, and now UC Path is down for a week, meaning I can’t really do much work. I’m taking a half day tomorrow, using COVID admin pay. My tomato plants grew a lot. My ginger may have sprouted a little, but my strawberries seem like they’re a fail. Finally applied for PUA for my uncle, hope he will be receiving a paycheck soon. Supposed to get my period really soon so I’ve been feeling pretty lazy. I may start running outside on my own. 

I’m worrying less about covid now. I used to freak myself out by reading the news everyday and following the subreddit, but looking at statistics, I feel ok. 

[panic-in-tarir]

One year in review

That’s it! The OH IT’S BEEN ONE YEAR post is here!

The closer my first anniversary was, the more excited I got, and the more thoughts I gathered for one “summary” post. Now that it’s time, suddenly, bam, all of them gone. :’> *wipes sweat*

Recently I had someone asking about my progression and how I managed to get there (???? where? derp). Well, I guess, I could just start telling about my first deeds in GW2, and then see if I can add something.

This might or might not be relevant, but I come from Wakfu, a colorful 2D game with turn-based combat. It’s cool visually, but also has terrible management issues, lack of developer care, one of the worst customer supports ever, list goes on.. I played it since 2012, and year by year, only grew angry, disappointed and hurt. That was like an abusive relationship I couldn’t get out of. I refused to try different genre and engine games. Finally, @aketan​ / @flame-squad​ / Rika got me lowkey interested in GW2 (she was commenting expressively while playing, and I peeked over her shoulder), I decided to try it. And stayed. Migrating to a real-time 3D game wasn’t easy! Yet, it was my lifesaver decision. GW2 has everything that I wish was there in Wakfu. It took me several months, if not a year, to get fully “healed”, to recover from the bad game and start believing that good games exist. When I had to contact GW2 support, I was touched to tears.. Everything and everyone is so nice here.

That wall of text was a foreword! Or explanation why I’m so excited and grateful about every aspect of GW2.

I started without putting too much thought into the char creation, as a result, now I have yet another main whose name is literally foreign language swearing or pun. GG me. After having been completely lost and confused by the controls (I LITERALLY ran backwards and yelled), after having a short but comprehensive lesson from bff, I started derping around on my own. I think I was only guided until lvl 5 or so, then my buddy let me do whatever I want. I come from a sandbox-wannabe game so it didn’t take me forever to get comfortable and set my first goals. Of course, I had a shit ton of questions, which I didn’t hesitate to spam Rika with. It’s cool to have someone ready to explain you the basics and patiently show you things. :D My several first days, or even weeks, were intense. I didn’t rush levels, but was eager to see the world. It was so amazing to me that I was spending 8-10 hours a day, running around, completing maps. I started in Metrica but quickly wandered away to Caledon (”oh! a portal?!”), where I spent a handful of time then.

With such a desire to discover and observe, and after having seen the title you’re awarded for 100% world map completion, I set it as my first ultimate goal. I approached it rather seriously, and had an incredibly fun time, at least until I had only Orr left undiscovered. x’D As a squishy (and slow, and dumb) ele, I was frightened and a bit discouraged by the amount of, well, deaths here. If I recall correctly, I still wore yellows at that time, although I was 80. Rika helped me and accompanied me for a bit. Orr was tough and I legit cried out of anger and frustration when I was alone, but that was the only unpleasant moment in entire year, and only because I wasn’t good at the game yet.

In the meantime, I was leveling my first alt, human engi. Do you actually remember that f2p accounts only allow 2 chars? Later, after buying HoT, I finally got loose.

They say, you always remember the place where you finished your first world map. For me, and oddly enough, for Rika, it was Field of Ruins. We reached the last POI at the same time, and, boy, did it feel great. My first big accomplishment. It dropped like.. Like a norn fart in a moot (c) Jory \o/ I still use the title btw, “been there, done that”. \o/

Then, there was a relatively dull period before buying HoT. I focused on doing my personal story, maxing out my alt and getting into crafting. The latter quickly became addictive to me. It’s so smooth, fun and exciting in GW2. Artificer was my first discipline, and after getting the hang of it, I breezed through 100-500 in a single day’s course.

That’s what the progression of my first 4-5 months looked like! I still was f2p, did only open world content and had one person to play with. I’m my own boss so it’s up to me to decide if I want to spend 30 minutes or 8 hours ingame.

HoT was a blessing in every aspect possible! I never regretted buying it, never regretted taking my time and not buying it earlier though - I needed that f2p scrub time to learn the basics, and to appreciate all the convenience and QoL improvements that come with HoT.

That’s where the real game starts, if I could say that. Core Tyria is by all means amazing, but you can go only this far if your account has those market and mail restrictions.. I used to enjoy playing market in Wakfu (while it was still alive) and I was excited to try it in GW2. When I bought the expansion and got my account fully functional, I got some skins and dyes ahead of all, then proceeded with crafting since I was really addicted to it and excited to max all the disciplines as my medium priority goal.

GW2 is encouraging altoholism! So I found myself leveling a third character (tried revenant and didn’t notice how I got her to level 20-ish and it was too late to delete), then fourth, fifth, then more char slots.. You see my weakness. I quickly realized the perks of having alts: storage, gathering, alternative personal stories, so on. When you’re an altoholic, plus you have yet to finish gearing up your main, plus you can barely hold yourself from leveling another crafting discipline.. RIP GOLD. I never had more than 30-100g at that time period.

Since market and wealth are one of my biggest passions ingame, I learned ways to earn me some coins, one by one. It’s not that hard if you’re a patient gatherer like me. Just run around, chop trees, collect ore and herbs.. I enjoy it so much, maybe it’s grind for someone, but I find it relaxing. Also it brings you gold. \o/ I found a few niche crafts that I could keep making and selling, then got familiar with market flipping, still not doing it like “big daddies” do, I might be too inefficient and lazy at it. But still, I found my own stable sources of income. Not gonna lie, the game just seems to like me and spoils occasionally. I don’t wanna brag, but there was like 4 precursor drops for me, 2 from mystic toilet, 2 practically dropped from the sky. I might be a little luckier than the average player. But that’s well deserved given how much suffering I had in Wakfu. :’D

When we talk about luck, we can’t avoid mentioning gambling. I learned about mystic toilet quite early, but never was a slave to it. Tarrktun has a bit more power over me, but I’ve never lost too much, only gained little by little. Black Lion Keys are the most evil gambling aspect if you ask me, I’ve spent quite a bit of money on those, though sometimes got nice things in exchange. Either gold to gems or gems for real money, I don’t mind spending it on Anet since they very, very well deserve it.

Given my passion, patience and luck, you must think I should be filthy rich by now.. Hah. :’DD Sadly, I’m just as good at spending as I’m at earning! I blew a lot of money on my own “needs” and “wants” and “why not”s, I keep investing into long term sales, I also often buy gifts for my buddies, mostly Rika. Money comes, money goes. GW2efficiency says my account is worth 14k gold currently. Not a bad progress for a year, I suppose.

So.. My biggest interests and playstyle are gold wars, fashion wars, altoholism.. I became quite a lore geek, completed PS, LS2, available LS3 episodes & most of current events, most of HoT? I should finish it but I procrastinate for some reason.

My current achievement number is 7610, mastery rank is 129 iirc. I’m not a casual derp anymore, but still too afraid to fail in front of strangers so I don’t really do dungeons or fractals. I mean I DO, when my bff literally holds my hand and goes there with me, then 3 strangers vs two of us is tad bit less scary. My combat skill, my reflexes and reactions are rather pathetic, even if I got significantly better after HoT and LS3 maps. I must train more, so recently I made a tanky character to practice, I hope to get good enough to clear story mode dungeons and low level fractals alone. Maybe I’m being too hard at myself, but combat skill has practically the biggest influence in this game, so I must git gud, at least acceptable, so I don’t feel ashamed to play with other people and don’t let them down. :’D

I’m a pve trash. Tried WvW and don’t mind coming here again, but not too much. PvP is a big no-no. Just.. Not my thing. Never. Not with my current skill and mindset (people = stress).

I’ve still got a mind-boggling amount of things to do. Personal goals, mere achievements, secrets and mysteries I’m yet to uncover, lore things to read. Maybe I’ll play GW1 one day, if there’s ever a discount sale. \;w;/ I’m super curious about every tiny bit of lore, also want some skins that are exclusive to GW1. That pleasant, sweet feeling that there’s so much interesting things ahead. I will take my time and never grind anything to frustration, for example, I’ve been working on my first leg, Sunrise, on and off and I’ll wait several months more, until I get all the clovers from the monthly chest. I don’t sweat it and just enjoy the game however I see it. Feelsgoodman.

I hope I managed to answer that person’s question, how did I get where I’m currently? Just took my time, learned my own pace and enjoyed every minute I spent online. Love the game, and it will love you back. \o/

[obscurelysevere]

Taco bout it

1:Talk about the first time you watched your favorite movie. I have two. The first one (Jurassic World) was a kind-of-date with a guy that I went to high school with that I saw again at the gun shop. The second one (Deadpool) was delayed because my sister and I were rescuing a coyote that got hit by a car and was just lying in the middle of the road. We ended up having to see Star Wars because DP was all sold out. So it wasn’t a loss, we just had to watch DP at a later date. 2:Talk about your first kiss. It was middle school. He tasted like Pepsi. We were at the movies watching Wicker Man (TERRIBLE MOVIE). It was my first time ‘making out’ and it was awkward as hell. Way too much tongue.

3:Talk about the person you’ve had the most intense romantic feelings for. We met through a mutual friend. We ended up in a garage band together. The first night we kissed played out like a movie. It was one of the most romantic nights I have ever had. We didn’t want our friend to feel awkward though, so we hid our relationship from him for a while, though I think he had a pretty good idea of what was going on. It just kind of became the elephant in the room.

4:Talk about the thing you regret most so far. Having my Whipple surgery in August 2016. It has completely messed up my entire life; turned it upside down and savagely shaken in. I don’t think I’ll ever be the same after that. I was so ill-informed. If I knew then what I knew now, there’s no way in hell I would ever go through with it. You couldn’t even pay me to do it. 5:Talk about the best birthday you’ve had. Wow. I don’t know if I can choose! I love every birthday I’ve ever had in North Carolina. Especially the one that I spent the night in a haunted school. I loved the whale watching trip I went on in San Diego when I turned 20. I had a blast going to the drag club with my only friend in San Diego when I was 21. When I turned 23 and went to the World Wildlife Zoo & Aquarium and the Cheesecake factory, I felt so good. So yeah, it’s pretty tough to talk about just one.

6:Talk about the worst birthday you’ve had. This past one. I was too sick from the surgery, I couldn’t celebrate at all. And my mom was so stressed with taking me back and forth to the hospital that she didn’t have time to prepare in any way. I had to delay it and I still haven’t entirely celebrated it. :/

7:Talk about your biggest insecurity. My chin and my forehead. I feel like they’re more masculine features. And I was teased about them relentlessly in middle school and sometimes online by strangers. And my teeth. I can’t go to a dentist because it’s too expensive and my insurance is being a bitch about covering it.

8:Talk about the thing you are most proud of. There are several times I could have lied down and given up, just been finished with life. And my parents would let me go if that's what I truly wanted. But I keep getting back up to my feet, and I keep moving forward, because I feel like I have so much I have to do in this world before I leave it.

9:Talk about little things on your body that you like the most. My eyes. My legs. My tattoos.

10:Talk about the biggest fight you’ve ever had. I had a physical altercation with my father about 7 or so years ago. But I also had a massive falling out with my best friend, and we didn’t talk to each other for several months, but I finally caved because I love her too much to just let her go. And I know we’re better together than apart.

11:Talk about the best dream you’ve ever had. Wow. The ones where I’ve found love, and where I belong.

12:Talk about the worst dream you’ve ever had. When I was younger, like 3, I had this dream that my mom was trapped in a coma in this translucent coffin outside of the grocery store and no matter how I screamed for her, she wouldn’t wake up. And more recently, I had a fever dream where I was trapped in a house I lived in when I was younger, and it was nighttime and there were these man-animal creatures stalking around and howling outside. It doesn’t sound so terrifying now, but when I think about it, I start to feel physically ill.

13:Talk about the first time you had sex/how you imagine your first time. HAH. It was awkward as hell. It was in my parents’ garage. My mom walked in, and I bolted half-naked out the back door, leaving my boyfriend at the time, to pull his pants up, and face my mother. Sometimes I think it doesn’t count, but I suppose that it does. Kind of.

14:Talk about a vacation. Going to North Carolina. It’s the other place in this world that I truly feel at home. Every time I visit, it’s always the absolute best.

15:Talk about the time you were most content in life. I’m not even sure when that was. Maybe when I was playing in the waves in St. Pete, FL with my mom just an hour before we had to fly back home. It was so spontaneous and it felt so good.

16:Talk about the best party you’ve ever been to. My costume parties were always fun. But hands down, the parties I’ve had with my relatives in North Carolina.

17:Talk about someone you want to be friends with. Jenna Marbles. I think we’d have a blast together. We both have a crazy similar sense of humor.

18:Talk about something that happened in elementary school. I met my best friend. (:

19:Talk about something that happened in middle school. I hiked 10 miles into the Grand Canyon to Havasupai with my class.

20:Talk about something that happened in high school. A kid poked me in the side where my gall bladder was and I had to have emergency surgery to have it removed. I don’t think that kid ever got that trauma out of his mind. Lol.

21:Talk about a time you had to turn someone down. I’ve only turned people down that I’ve met online. Because there’s a lot of baggage that comes with all of them that I never want to deal with.

22:Talk about your worst fear. Dying. I can’t imagine being without my parents, or my babies. I don’t want to leave them. It’s terrifying. What if I’m all alone in the end?

23:Talk about a time someone turned you down. I went to a movie with a guy and after he dropped me off at home, I told him that I really liked him and he told me that he wasn’t in a place where he wanted to be dating. He started going with another girl a couple days later.

24:Talk about something someone told you that meant a lot. When @anoddityofsorts asked me to be her maid of honor. It meant the world to me to be there for her like that.

25:Talk about an ex-best friend. We became more than best friends at one point, but then later they told me that they were just using me to get by, until they could get more friends, and now that they had more, they didn’t need me anymore.

26:Talk about things you do when you’re sick. Sleep. Binge-watch shows. Cuddle with my kids.

27:Talk about your favorite part of someone else’s body. I love hips. Especially when they have a distinct V. Mmm.

28:Talk about your fetishes. I don’t think I really have fetishes so much as things that really turn me on. Like biting. :3

29:Talk about what turns you on. A good sense of humor, a love of animals and family, biting, hard breathing, tickling (the stroking kind), good hygiene, muscles, being fit, a little cockiness, intelligence.

30:Talk about what turns you off. Arrogance, ignorance, neediness, clinginess, family issues, huge egos, spouting random bullshit, being overly shy.

31:Talk about what you think death is like. I think it’s utterly terrifying, until you finally make it to the other side. And from there, I think it’s whatever you make it to be. It’s never the same for everybody.

32:Talk about a place you remember from your childhood. My ‘haunted house’. It was a pile of boulders in the forest about a mile from the house I was living in.

33:Talk about what you do when you are sad. Talk to my mom.

34:Talk about the worst physical pain you’ve endured. This bizarre pain that I’ve been experiencing in my lower back/abdomen since the surgery in August.

35:Talk about things you wish you could stop doing. HURTING.

36:Talk about your guilty pleasures. I don’t really feel guilty about anything that brings me happiness.

37:Talk about someone you thought you were in love with. My second boyfriend. I was definitely infatuated, but now I know that I was definitely not ‘in love’.

38:Talk about songs that remind you of certain people. Wow. Lifehouse’s first album reminds me of the first person I ever role-played with. So does Blue October. Skillet’s first album reminds me of my writing partner, who helped me write one of the main characters in my novels.

39:Talk about things you wish you’d known earlier. The recovery process of this surgery.

40:Talk about the end of something in your life. When my dad moved to North Carolina. My heart was absolutely broken that he was ‘leaving’ the family. I still struggle with it, but it’s kind of become the norm. No matter how hard it is after he visits and has to head back East.

41. Talk about the most romantic moment in your life. Again, with the first person I really ever loved. We were in his car after going to a Harry Potter premier. We talked until 5 in the morning, about everything. It was November, so it was cold, and his hands were freezing. So I cupped them in my hands and breathed hot air to warm them up. We were getting increasingly closer to each other, until our eyes met, and we just kissed. I’ve never had butterflies like I did then.

42. Talk about your ultimate favorite song, and the story behind it. ‘The Power of Love’ from Sailor Moon. It’s such an uplifting and empowering song and it never fails to make me think of @anoddityofsorts, and all the good times we’ve had rocking out to that song. Especially at her wedding. Though I’m pretty sure all that dancing just about killed me. Lol.