#And what do they all have in common? I’ve known the ppl that I thought I’d like to date & got to know them over (usually) a few months

[littlebirdy0301]

I think. I have just had an “ohhhh” moment. and that I am probably demiromantic

[russilton]

Genuine question! people on here get so pissy at anyone asking what their thoughts on the drivers sexualities are but you’ve blatantly put the pride flag on a George post so would that not be the same thing?? Like I’m genuinely not trying to be a douche but I just don’t understand the double standards (I’m also not singling you out as I’ve seen other users get pissy at ppl asking but your post just happens to come up aha)

That’s fair anon and it’s good of you to ask this as a genuine question to find out rather than just get frustrated and assume it’s all hypocrisy. You wouldn’t be the first, so thanks for asking instead.

Here comes a read more because I’ve done my best to explain it, and if you wanted a shorter version you shouldn’t have asked me

Tl;dr: Because one is a joke based on a known fiction presented to an audience in on the joke, and the other either isn’t a joke and thus an invasion of privacy, or steps too close to the line for people to feel comfortable engaging in

It all comes down to engaging in the joke vs genuine, harmful speculation. Putting a rainbow flag on a post of a guy hanging out with his girlfriend, who I genuinely do like, is what I HOPE is a clear joke.

What makes it a joke is that I do not believe with any conviction that George and Lewis are actually fucking. I would LOVE it, but they aren’t.

The core tenant of acceptable rpf is being able to separate fiction from the real life that feeds it. We are playing make believe with characters who happen to be based on real people. That’s why most of us will tell you to keep this stuff entirely on tumblr/ao3, so there is a barrier of separation between drivers and fic, and why I do my best to clearly differentiate between when I’m talking about serious topics, and when I’m engaging in very dumb ship talk.

I will also point at the name of my blog, my tag line and my blog title all make it clear I’m not a serious place, I’m here talk about an rpf ship, and occasionally give my fan opinion of motorsport. People shouldn’t be coming to me for unbiased news. I have never been unbiased in my life.

In my posts here I’m leaning into the bit of the entirely fictional ship I enjoy. Of course George isn’t indicating he’s gay by driving a purple Mercedes in LA. That’s a joke I’d hope all of my followers are in on. It’s also a play on how celebrity couples are debated and how real queer people are treated by the world at large.

For example when I came out, both times, the reaction I got most from friends and family was “we already guessed you were”— now while they may think that’s a good way to respond… no they didn’t. They made assumptions based on stereotypes about queer people and applied it to me at an age where I didn’t even know what I was or liked. We’ve all seen the tweets from genuine idiots going “I don’t trust men ordering dessert, that’s for women” or “I think men who wear scarves are a bit gay”, but those are just an extremely concentrated form of stereotypes we’ve seen for decades. If a man enjoys crochet or a woman loves woodworking, you bet your ass Instagram comments will be saying they’re clearly gay.

We also see it all the time around celebrities— people harmfully assuming based on a hair style, a pet, or an attitude that a driver is gay and that they’ve “figured it out”, or even just because you saw two people hanging out a few times they MUST be together. Look at the Lewis and Shakira incident— they never once confirmed a relationship but some people will treat that as absolute fact. We have all seen both Lewis and George separately receiving hate under the assumption they are gay men by homophobic fans- Lewis for his piercings and fashion, and George for having long eye lashes and a slightly effeminate build. Shit, Nelson Piquet, ex f1 champion, has made on broadcast homophobic comments about Lewis that the Brazilian government fined him over. That is how common this idea is to most people.

The only way to know someone is lgbtq+ is if they tell you they are, and the only way to know what relationships they’re in, is if they tell you. It doesn’t matter how much you want to know or what evidence you’ve found, that’s a privacy everyone should be allowed, even celebrities. You do not know until they confirm it. I don’t care if someone came up to me and said they’ve seen George blow a guy, unless he says he’s queer, I don’t know shit.

But it’s still incredibly common, and most queer people experience this, and have opted to reclaim the joke. I will point at George sitting funny and cuffing his jeans and go “see! He’s just like us, the bisexuals”, because that’s a way queer people will joke you identify bi people. And when you read that back, it’s very clearly a joke. You can’t discover someone’s sexuality based on their sitting style. I do the same thing as an autistic person, because we are ALSO heavily scrutinised based on other ideas of what autism is. You don’t know how many fuckin people decide it’s appropriate to tell me “but you don’t seem autistic to me” because I don’t fit their standards. If someone tells me my eye contact means I’m not autistic, I can say George lining up his trains as a kid is a point for autism.

It’s also a joke derived from a genuine lack of representation. Humans like to see themselves represented. There’s no publically gay people on the grid, or autistic folk, so it’s pretty fair for us to decide that fuck it, until there is, I’m grabbing the guy who acts like I do and pretending he’s my rep. That’s how gay slash as a concept really began, honestly. If you don’t give people ample access to something, they’ll make their own, and sometimes even if they have it, they’ll do it anyway because it’s creatively enjoyable.

People get “pissy” (be careful using that word, it’s a lot more patronising than I think you intended it to be) about GENUINE speculation, because its not the acceptable joke we’ve all agreed to. Now you can argue about where the line for the joke should be, or if there should be one at all, but most of us have settled in a similar spot and talk with people who agree with that line. If that makes you uncomfortable, it is okay to leave or block someone. I have been blocked by more than a few het George fans. That is their right.

I think personally that pinning a sexuality to drivers is always going to be seen as genuine speculation unless it’s within the context of a fic where you set the boundaries, or a joke. Personally, if I wrote an entire list out and genuinely put thought into the sexuality of drivers on the grid, that is speculation, and there’s no way around that because I’d be making those assumptions based on stereotypes. Any of the drivers could be queer, none of them could be. We do not and likely will never know because we don’t live in a society where there are 0 ramifications for sharing your sexuality.

All the drivers could be bi but are in straight passing relationships and are happy that way for all we know. We literally have no way to tell unless they chose to share, which is unlikely given that 10/24 of this years races occur in countries where gay marriage is not recognised, and it is explicitly illegal to practice homosexuality in several of those. Even in the remaining countries, Florida, Texas and England have all introduced increasingly hostile anti LGBT legislation — F1 as a sport may try to say otherwise, but you cannot say that it is a queer friendly sport while also travelling to places where if a government decided to act on their laws, many fans could be put in serious danger.

Would you want to come out in that? Especially turning over something so personal and often painful to a public mob who will debate it?

While we all engage in our games here, it can be taken out of this space very quickly, and if someone made a post speculating on driver sexuality, it could spread, get ripped and posted on twitter, and grow into something far uglier very fast. Would you want to see a joke driver sexuality post spread like that? We all saw how the Fernando and Taylor swift joke went so far, so fast, until the fuckin aston admin had Fernando on a tiktok with Taylor swift audio. I’m not gonna make a post I already think is based on a flawed idea, about drivers I don’t care about, with that at risk.

You could argue again that our jokes could spread like that, but in the same way every post can be considered in bad faith when twisted the wrong way, it’s the gamble we make posting here. Trust me— I’m the guy who had his art posted in an Instagram hate collage by max fans— nothing is safe from the wrong eyes here.

I have also seen first hand the awful examples of people actually making those lists to coddle their faves. I have seen the posts where people genuinely think max is bisexual and autistic. They are infuriating.

Because I hate that, I frequently remind myself sometimes to be clearer when I’m being a rpf fan boy making a joke, and when I’m critiquing my drivers genuinely.

I can’t stop other people blurring or forgetting the line between joke and reality, but I can refuse to do it myself. I am only responsible for myself, and for making sure my jokes are clear enough most people will get them.

So that’s why yeah, I’ll make limp wrist joke about George, becuase I’ve been the target of them, but I’m not going to speculate on sexuality. I hope that helps.

[lovebvni]

confession sunday — i feel like a fake christian

hi!! so i rlly wanted to start making confessions on my blog as a way to let go and put down the thoughts and feelings im having. most of them r toxic and things i shouldn’t be thinking.

this is also an invitation for others to send their issues and let them go and put them down — simply tell me what it is and i’ll try n break it down to explain to u why u need to let go of those ideas! ofc, anons r opened <3

anyways, let’s get into mine bc.. yeah.

i feel like a fake christian.

this is something i’ve been struggling with my whole life — but it is resurfaced when i had a conversation w my friends abt witchcraft n the bible n whatnot. she said something along the lines of “you’re not a christian because you believe witchcraft is okay.”

first of all… what? right before this my other friend said “a lot of people in the bible pick and choose what they believe. for example — christian’s aren’t allowed to eat seafood bc it’s seen as impure” and the same girl from earlier agreed n said “i still love my crab legs” 💀 LMDAOOA

im friends w everyone mentioned in this convo btw, so dont worry. no hate to any of them.

during this conversation, i js agreed with the one, let’s call her sarah, that said believing witchcraft is okay makes me not a christian.

sarah made me feel bad — invalidated in a way. i remember walking out that class feeling fake, like i am wrong for what i believe and i need to remove everything that isn’t said in the most common places in the bible from my life.

FALSE ❌❌ WRONG ❌❌ INCORRECT ❌❌ SEE ME AFTER CLASS.

DUDE TO BE A CHRISTIAN U ONLY HAVE TO DO TWO THINGS

1 believe jesus christ died for our sins and rose again (some say jesus christ only died and rose again)

2 have a RELATIONSHIP with christ

if it isn’t clear already, i have both of these. i’ve known and believed the stories ik the bible since i was so young, and even now i believe them.

and i have a deep rooted relationship w jesus n god — i mean how the hell do u think i even found out abt other deities 😭 about shifting?? through him dude! it’s only by him answering my prayers that im here rn

what im trying to say is that the “normal” isnt always right. i hate churches — they feel like cults, nd i hate when ppl say ur required to do things — ur not. it’s if u want to and between u n god.

i said this to my friend nile earlier — “but like christianity is supposed to be individuality — it always has been that way. hell, even jesus says it. he flipped tables in a religious place bc they don’t have a relationship w god, they r js acting”.

they didn’t want it — they just wanted to b superior. and that’s not what i want — i want to help others and be happy.

that’s it for my confession. i hope this helps and encourages someone else to begin doing the same! sending my love.

[corruptmoji]

My Opinion on Skyrim Civil War

(After playing Skyrim for a bit I just wanted to dump my thoughts on the whole civil war situation. I’m not claiming my word is law or anything but this is what I’ve personally retained from my playtime. Also this isn’t me saying why you should join the empire or anything lol Skyrim is a role playing game where you can do whatever you want I just like sharing my opinions)

I full heartedly agree that Skyrim has a right to be independent from the empire and there should be freedom of religion, but I always side with the empire. Although I don’t agree with the empire full heartedly, it’s clear to me that working together with the empire is far more beneficial in the long run than against. The only reason worship of Talos was banned is due to the peace treaty with the Thalmor. And even the generals of the empire know that it’s not going to be a long lasting treaty, only signed because the empire couldn’t continue fighting as it was. Although the thalmor being allowed to waltz in and kill ppl for the worship of talos is shit, I also know that it isn’t something the empire truly wants. I feel like if everyone were to work together towards defeating the thalmor it’d be better. Although I’m not saying even if the thalmor were to be defeated that there then wouldn’t be a struggle to separate from the empire after the dust has cleared, I feel it’d be smarter to work together to defeat a common enemy.

Also I don’t trust Ulfric. To have slain someone in honorable combat is one thing but it’s so clear that it wasn’t the case at ALL. The high king was known to be a puppet for the empire, not a true leader. Anyone could see he stood NO chance against Ulfric yet the Stormcloak killed him and then claimed it to be honorable. Maybe I don’t know the full details but I highly doubt the high king would’ve willingly fought with him. And I know Ulfric is intelligent enough to fully grasp what’s going on. I’m a strong believer that he’s using the empire’s weakness against the Thalmor to gain power from the nords who are sick and tired of being killed for worshipping their gods and living their true Nordic lives. Which, I mean I can’t blame them. But they don’t know Ulfric is a massive bullshitter.

[nalgenes]

had a very transgender day which was kinda cool but kinda odd

first i was in a zoom meeting with info about this field study class im doing next week, and at the end the professor (who knows im trans although i never actually told her) was like “hey nick can you stick around afterwards?” so i did and it was just her and this other faculty member going and she says “So i just wanted to check in…. you and Mike here have…. a lot in common. And he’s told me how these field courses can be difficult. So i just wanted to make sure you know you have people you can talk to if you need any support” i was like uhhhhh ok😅😅.

And then i went and talked to my bio professor and i was like Hey i just wanna talk to you. So. im transgender. and he says “Obviously!” which i thought was so funny…. i asked why obviously and he was like “i have taught human sexuality courses for twenty years. i have had so many transgender students. plus i know your friends” (i have some really queer friends who took his class) and then we talked about life stuff and transition stuff for like an hour and it was really awesome ^_^ it was exactly what i wanted. i love that guy

but it’s also kind of weird being known like this. like i’ve been pretty much entirely stealth since starting testosterone (i can probably count on two hands the number of people i’ve actually told) and i really enjoy how EASY and SIMPLE everything is when you’re stealth… you get treated soooooooo normally it’s amazing. and i mean people who know im trans are always kind and supportive about it but i honestly kind of prefer it not being acknowledged at all. i really don’t need the extra support like it’s very nice but im chilling. after bio class my professor was like “nick did you see this?” and showed me the event on campus tomorrow about a pride flag being raised at the library. i was like yeah😅 IDK like that’s a nice thing for him to mention but it’s also like Blehhhhhhhhhhhhh please treat me the exact same as you have been…. idk. i’m not complaining it’s definitely a blessing to have ppl who support you and want to make sure you feel supported. this is just me being an emotionally stupid 20yr old

[siryouarebeingmocked]

Stop spreading misinformation.

Says someone about to do precisely that about men.

If women in general were around as many bears as they are with men, the attack rate from bears would be much higher.

Also, a strange man is actually unlikely to attack a woman, despite sexist stereotypes. Most attackers of any kind already know the victim.

Which brings the number down to, what, a few dozen men in over a hundred million?

Pretty good odds, I think.

“All bears will kill you” you’re perpetrating animal cruelty ideology that animals are monsters, and humans are above animals. Holy hell. Why are you so selfish? I’ve encountered bears while camping and hiking and if you don’t provoke them you will most likely be safe. My Dad saw one that was close enough he could touch him if he raised his hand. Nothing bad happened to him. You know this is the garbage thinking that caused ppl to hunt innocent sharks bc of the Jaws movie.

I love how you threw your toys out of the pram with all this meaningless blather and anecdata…

…and you hope we won't notice that you carefully removed the end of the sentence.

Or maybe you somehow thought it was irrelevant. Doesn't really matter.

murderer statistic used to justify womens' irrational sexist fears

Drink a molecule.

HAFW >Why's it up to women to brush aside and pretend not to be afraid of what is a more than non-zero chance of rape and murder?

The chance of murder or assault victimization is much higher for men, but y'all act like (and sometimes explicitly say) only women "have to" be concerned about being attacked by men.

Also, I love the implication that every single woman shares your fears. Which is, um, sexist.

Why's it that whenever men can't find dates there are ten million articles deeply pondering but when women say they'd prefer the bear- (We KNOW it's deadly) because unlike human men it won't act out of cruelty and malice, it's suddenly women's responsibility to police their frustration with men?

Most people don't like being told that they're considered more dangerous than a notoriously dangerous wild animal.

Also, plenty of women disagreed with Team Bear.

Also, you're assuming the choice was based on actual valid frustrations, and not a single member of Team Bear is a paranoid idiot.

You yourself seem to care more about the assailant's motives than the actual harm it will do to you, which is, uh, kind of proving the idea that you people are deluded.

Also, I love how you think discussing an extremely common human issue - one commonly found in ladies mags too - is on the same moral level as being vocally afraid of half the human race, especially compared to a bear.

More evidence for the delusion theory.

Logically speaking, you should be happy that men are reacting this way. This means many of them will have less contact with women.

Which should make women safer, right?

That's what you want, right?

Or is it really about having moral authority?

If it was a known fact that clowns made up 90% of all sexual-based offenses, avoiding them wouldn't be "irrational"

It would be if there were only 10 sex offenses a year. But something tells me you didn't look up any actual stats.

Also, most sex crimes are done by repeat offenders, IIRC.

khorne> You'll push forward your ideas like they keep you safe but they haven't and don't.

Khorne, you're assuming these people have enough self-awareness to even recognize that their ideas don't work.

People on Team Bear.

A tad optimistic.

Why women choose the bear: https://www.whoismakingnews.com/

Don't care. Still irrational. Most men won't hurt you if you get too close. All bears will hurt you if you get too close.

They are territorial, wild animals.

Also, quite a lot of women are not team bear. XD Quite a lot of women understand how sexist and stupid that choice is.

[tiktaalic]

since you're the ceo of gay dean, do you have any fic recs? i have trouble finding anything good besides yours, ao3 user saltyfeathers and wtf gay little jack :(

ceo of gay dean??? oh boy the gay dean economy must be in shambles if that’s me. and i don’t have any specific recs, sorry! idk if you’ve already checked the gay dean tag on ao3? i sorted by kudos and excluded That pairing but oof these pickings look slim... i personally dont read aus (and havent read any of the fics that i’m about to link so i can’t vouch) but here r some canonverse works in the gay dean tag. cut for length

dean winchester really needs to make some gay friends - “Like, I’m trying to think if I’ve had, I don’t know, crushes. If I ever had a gay thing before you came along and just didn’t notice,” Dean said.Cas suddenly looked down, and away from Dean. If Dean didn’t know better, he would swear Cas looked guilty.“What is it, Cas?”“You have had several… gay things before.” Cas still wouldn’t look at him.“What? When? How come you know this better than I do?

something on your mind? -  Sam and Dean are cursed to have personifications of their minds following them around. That's shouldn't be too bad of a problem. Just another day for the Winchesters. Except for the part where their minds speak every single thought Sam and Dean have.

the other sides of the story -  Sam and Dean go check out portals popping up in their world to make sure no more monsters cross over. They meet alternate versions of people they know and there seems to be one common thread-Dean and Cas are together.

doing life with me - He remembers the rules. The same rules set by the most beautiful drag queen in all of Alabama, spoken to him while he hid his tear-stained face, cowering on the grimy floor of a rest station bathroom: don’t talk; don’t ask for money, because most of the time, they won’t pay him anyway; don’t cry; don’t let them kiss him; and most importantly, don’t get attached. For the first time in two decades, Dean breaks the cardinal rule—and opens his mouth. “I’m too old for this.”

how many more times -  After a hunt that forces Castiel to admit his feelings for Dean, more than one truth comes out. Desperate to right the wrong he allowed to happen 26 years ago, he travels back in time and stops Azazel from murdering Mary Winchester. John never becomes a hunter, and Dean grows up a normal kid while Castiel deals with the aftermath of his decision in Heaven. When the war dies down, he comes back to Earth to fulfill a promise - a promise he made to come back for Dean one day. They fall in love all over again, but just when Castiel is finally happy, they're thrown back in time once more. How many times will Cass and Dean need to find each other before they figure out who’s screwing with them, and more importantly, how to stop them?

psalm 40:2 - “How the fuck do you know my name?” Dean hisses. The man doesn’t look scared. He is watching Dean like there is nothing else worth watching, lips a little parted, eyes a little soft. And blue. Real blue, like the ocean on a postcard. The ice spreading down Dean’s spine makes him shiver. “I suppose you could say I’m your guardian angel,” the man murmurs. His breath fogs pale between them. All of him is unnaturally warm, like Dean’s touching somebody with the sun sewn up beneath their skin. “I have known you, Dean Winchester, for a very long time.” * Dean meets an angel who says he's from the future. It all gets a lot more complicated from there.

just trying to shake off the shame - “What, you don’t think this warrants any kind of discussion?" Or: Sam is nosy, Dean is uncooperative.

tell me i’m an angel kick me like a stray -  Pain is the first emotion Castiel, angel of the lord, feels. If only it had ended at pain. Castiel documents every new emotion that nestles its way into his stolen heart. As time passes, he realises how truly fucked he is, how human he has become.

best of both worlds -  Dean is very jealous, Cas is finally getting the love he deserves, AU Dean is a badass little bitch, Sam is done with y'all's shit.

through mine, you were looking in yours -  A missing scene from "The End". In which Dean realises things, another Dean struggles, and Cas is being just a bit of an asshole

when angels fall -  On a hunting accident gone wrong, Dean accidentally shoots a creature instead of a fleeing monster. The creature in question turns out to be Castiel, an angel assigned to the Winchester's, tasked with watching over them. The bullet, engraved and imbued with magical properties, clips Castiel’s wings and leaves him grievously injured and unable to return to heaven. As such, Dean takes him in and cares for him.

the savior, our wedding, & a pizza surprise -  As Castiel Winchester slept with his head resting in Dean’s lap in the Man of Letters bunker, Dean looked lovingly at two framed photographs proudly displayed on a nearby table and wistfully remembered how Dean had begged Jack to rescue Cas from the Empty, how elated he had been to have Cas back, how their relationship quickly escalated as if they were trying to make up for years of lost time, and what a spectacularly fun adventure their wedding and honeymoon had been. A kiss from Cas brought Dean back into the present, and is followed by a pizza surprise in a way which Sam hopes to never see photographic evidence of, although it sparked Eileen’s interest in receiving helpful tips from the infamous pizza man.

what is the truth -  Dean and Sam, after knowing about Huntercop and their other self from an another universe, were willing to help them to find a place in which they can stay. But suddenly, Castiel cames and met them too, and this other Dean can't stop to flirt with him. Our Dean is not so happy about it

again, i haven’t actually read any of these, just skimmed the summaries as i copy and pasted em. my taste is pretty specific and out of step w other ppl’s, but the ones i put in my marked for later list were something on your mind, the other sides of the story, doing life with me, psalm 40:2, just trying to shake off the shame, through mine, you were looking in yours, and when angels fall. 

[wisteria-lodge]

badger primary (light snake model) + lion secondary (bird model) (badger model)

hi, i’d really appreciate it if you could help sort me because i think that both my primary and secondary are either burnt or i’ve just overanalyzed this since all of the descriptions for the houses seem relatable to some extent. i’ll start with the secondary. i don’t particularly enjoy using any method of the secondaries.

Burnt secondary? Lots of models?

i honestly can’t even find a pattern from the things that have worked best for me. the best things in my life always happened when i wasn’t forcing anything, they just sort of fell into place, so i just feel like i’ve had luck?

Hmm. “Just lucky I guess” is usually a description of a Snake secondary… but it’s not really a way Snake secondaries describe themselves. That’s more the perspective of someone outside looking in. It’s possible that you just haven’t thought much about your methods before?

i have to do lists for the day and week, since it definitely calms me down when i know clearly what im supposed to accomplish in a day, but beyond that i don’t make plans.

The way this is famed as something you “have” to do that “calms you down,” - basically an anti-anxiety tactic - makes me think it’s probably a support system. I’m gong with Bird secondary model for now.

i don’t even know how i solve problems? i am both confrontational and non-confrontational haha. i never want to leave things unsaid and not explain myself properly to people.

That’s Lion (actually, maybe that’s why you don’t know how you solve problems. The classic Lion secondary just jumps in and reacts.) Even this idea of the on/off of confrontational/non-confrontational is very Lion.

when it comes to other problems that aren’t people-related i guess i’m quick and can come up with a solution on the spot.

Improvisational secondary.

i def relate to snake bc i do think it’s a luxury to be able to be fully myself in front of people.

That is a tremendously Lion way of conceptualizing snake. “Oh I get Snake, they’re acting all the time, but what they REALLY want is to be able to feel safe enough to go into neutral.” A snake loves the masks. A snake *is* the masks.

i’ve also been told i’m really stubborn.

Lion.

i tell the occasional white lie, as in, i might soften my criticisms to not offend ppl, or i make up an excuse for why i cant go out if i’d rather stay at home. i would never lie about important things like my beliefs and misrepresent myself, or about anything that has actual serious consequences. but, if i really wanted to, or i’m really pressed, i usually have no problem with coming up with something on the spot (and i’m not proud of it, in fact, i don’t like myself for it).

Lions *can* lie (it’s really only in fiction that you get the Absolutely Incapable of Lying Lion.) They just… really really don’t like it. It make them feel sticky.

i’m definitely known to be smart and hardworking and kind, because i do genuinely do the work and finish what i start, but i don’t know if i find any particular enjoyment in it? sure, it feels nice to be honest and to see things through, but i also don’t mind doing things another way.

Again, you focused in on the most Lion-y part of a Badger secondary, and said that’s what “feels nice.” Other than that, sounds like a useful Badger model. Really common.

i do care about disappointing the people who have a good opinion of me though.

A Badger primary? Don’t want to disappoint the community?

as for primary i prioritize myself and my people which i know is very snakey, but i don’t always like the fact that i do that.

Okay interesting. I’m still thinking Badger… but maybe… Burnt Badger? Burnt Badgers will act like snakes and kind of hate it. Or maybe we’ve got a Snake model?

i relate to bird because i like to base my morality based on external information, to have some solid ground and some solid rules which i try to live by. i can even change my believes easily if i receive new info.

External primary. Still kind of leaning Badger. I know you’re thinking bird, and while it’s *possible*… I’m just not getting Bird from you yet. (A bird would be telling me all about their rules.)

i don’t know if i’m really snake bc i think i can also be selfish and put my wants/goals/morals above those of even my people.

And you clearly don’t *like* the fact that you do this. I’m not even sure if your Badger is burned, I think it might just be guilty. No one is a perfect, unblemished, shining example of their sorting at all times.

and i don’t know if i’m a bird who models snake, or a snake who models bird.

I am honestly getting neither of those things.

in fights with friends i always looked at things objectively and supported the person i thought was right until my best friend said that that bothered her, so after that i tried to always defend her.

So does that mean you felt *more* moral defending your friend no questions asked, or *less* moral?

as to why i relate to lion, it’s because i do like to trust my gut and honestly it’s never been wrong, but i don’t think i make decisions simply based on that. i also don’t know if i’d place some ideal over actual people.

my god you are such a Loyalist.

i don’t really understand what a lion’s cause is? how do they decide on that?

Oh, you don’t choose your cause. Your cause chooses you.

one more thing that i think is very lion is that i’ve often been annoyed by people who have to have some external data tell them that some things are right and some things are wrong. yes, there’s nuance, but i guess i just can’t understand why you need justification to believe smth as basic as people deserve food, and water and housing.

I mean, I know you’re framing this in a Lion way, and sure this could be Lion. But all I’m hearing is that core Badger primary emotion “they matter because they’re people!”

the one primary i def know im not is badger,

This is going to be good.

since i don’t really care for communities. just like i don’t understand a lion’s cause, i also don’t really understand what ppl mean by community. i wouldn’t treat anyone differently depending on whether of not they’re a part of my community.

It’s because you’re a Universal Badger, and it’s lovely. You don’t understand what people mean by ‘community’ because you’re too deep inside it. You don’t see how anyone could exist without the cosmic understanding of “community” that you have.

i’d treat them differently based on my opinion of them/their relation to me.

There *is* still something a little Snakey, or possibly Burned badger, sneaking in here.

i still offer everyone basic politeness and kindness though.

My *guess* is your idea of what “basic kindness” is is… very different from a Snake primary’s.

the main thing is that i can simply choose what to care about.

That’s an external primary thing (Bird or Badger)

i guess i’d feel the most bad if i caused the people i care about harm or if i disappointed them.

I know this is kind of a wording trick, but Snakes really do talk about individuals - “My brother” “my mom” “my significant other.” You have talked about “the people who have a good opinion of me” “the people I care about” “my people” “friends” “actual people.” The only individual you’ve mentioned is your best friend, the one who told you it bothered her when you didn’t back her up. I think it’s actually possible this *friend* might be a Snake primary, and if she’s really important to you… you might have built a Snake model for her that you are a little uncomfortable with.

i’ve also seen that you should look back to your childhood to sort yourself and as a child i knew i wanted to be successful and i knew i wanted to help people and the environment, but they were always vague ideas.

Bagder.

mostly, i was content with playing and spending time with my parents/grandparents/friends.

BADGER. (And again, notice all the collective nouns.)

i daydreamed of being a princess and an actress so that my family would be financially secure and would never worry about money.

You are adorable. (I seriously love Badger primaries.)

if it helps to sort me, i had to choose between studying smth i was passionate about in college and going into STEM bc it was more stable. in the end, i decided on the latter. i’m not going to lie i was miserable for a year and a half into it, but i pushed through it, and now i’m in my final year and kind of happy that i did. i rlly relate to one answer in the sortinghatchats quiz that says i made my choice, now i live with it, life only moves in a forward direction.

That probably was a tricky decision, especially with your Lion secondary, but yeah. External primaries can just sort of decide to care about things, and it’s extremely cool.

sorry for the long post, but i’d really appreciate the help. i love your blog and posts!

You’re very welcome. This one was fun.

[isoldmysoultojonahclemence]

JONAH’S EVER AFTER ON IKEREV TW

I CAN’T I--

HIS RELEASE CAMPAIGN CAME OUT YESTERDAY BUT I ONLY SAW IT A FEW MINUTES AGO BC I WAS ON VACATION I CAN’T BELIEVE I MISSED THIS WHAT KIND OF JONAH STAN AM I

THIS MEANS THAT JONAH’S ROUTE CAMPAIGN WILL BEGIN SOMEWHERE AROUND LATE OCTOBER OR EARLY NOVEMBER IN THE ENGLISH VERSION SO MARK YOUR CALENDARS

I’m putting the rest of this under a cut for length bc I HAVE SO MUCH TO SAY

[Translation:

“On the 1 in a hundred million chance that I cannot marry you into the Clemence family, then I’m prepared to abandon my family.”

Whether it’s to build a family together, or to receive happiness together. For the one you love, the path you should take to the future is...

“You’re really too much. Don’t say something like...I’m sorry.”

The eyes that are brighter than the fireworks in the sky overflow with tears, and turn into strength to overcome the mirror blocking our path.

“When it’s only the two of us, I’m just Jonah...and I want to spoil you as much as I like.”]

ASDFKJWEIH;KAFJJE;LSAKFSD

I CAN ALREADY SENSE THE ABSOLUTE ANGST IN THIS ROUTE

IN HIS ORIGINAL ROUTE HE HAS TO ABANDON THE RED ARMY AND NOW IN HIS EVER AFTER HE HAS TO ABANDON HIS FAMILY TOO????? ESPECIALLY AS WE ALL KNOW HOW MUCH THE CRIMSON LINEAGE MEANS TO HIM??????????????????

And something I also really like is how the themes from the original route extends into his sequel, like the parts about “never apologizing” and “I can only be myself when I’m with you.” It just makes it feel more like a sequel and adds a better sense of completion uwu

ALSO JONAH’S TEARS ARE GOING TO DESTROY ME Y’ALL WILL SEE ME SOBBING ON TUMBLR WHEN I GET TO THAT PART

.

Here’s the mini talk list:

Luka + Sirius: please tell me about your families!

This one is already out, so here’s the screenshots!

[Translation:

Sirius: My home is always full of flowers, it’s a place that makes your mood lift.

Luka: Yeah...as opposed to Sirius’s family, mine was very quiet.

Luka: Even though it had always been pretty quiet...but ever since “that person” left home, it became even quieter.

Luka: Maybe it was because my family weren’t interested in me, so that’s why it feels so quiet.

Sirius: Haven’t you ever had experiences of playing noisily with Jonah in your home before?

Luka: No. We’re different from Sirius’s family...but there was only one time.

Luka: When I was young, that person had brought me out secretly before.

Luka: The both of us ran around and played in the secret courtyard that person found...

Luka: Until the skies grew dark.

Sirius: ...Is that so. Where is that courtyard full of memories? Is it close to your home?

Luka: I don’t know, I can’t remember...but, it doesn’t matter if I can’t remember it.

Luka: Now I think...it’s alright if that courtyard only exists in my memory.]

*deep breath*

ALKL;KCVKNCKDSA;KWOIWQOIK;FDMX;LZDS;ALKSJFA;LKJ

AKD;XJCEWQ8RJEIU;ANFVDFJSVVF’WDOIJ

;NWEFFKKGDMZXCKCERTIIUIBRI;JDSFJSMF;JLAEKF;LEQKJBNCM

FIRST OF ALL

A SECRET COURYARD???????? THAT JONAH FOUND?????????????? AND BROUGHT LUKA THERE TO PLAY???????????????????????? BUT ONLY ONCE???????????????????????????????????

I wonder how he managed to find it? But also it was to be expected that he would bring Luka bc he always wants to share what he loves with Luka (｡･ω･｡)ﾉ♡

Also just imagine the little Clemence bros running around and playing (｡･ω･｡)ﾉ♡ ♡ ♡

But like...

OH MY GOD LUKA WHAT HAVE YOU GONE THROUGH ˚‧º·(˚ ˃̣̣̥⌓˂̣̣̥ )‧º·˚

It’s so sadddddddd to think that the Clemence house got even quieter when Jonah left. Also I can’t figure out if Jonah “leaving” means that he left to go to boarding school or if he left to join the Red Army, but that was probably when Luka started to hate Jonah for abandoning him. I can’t imagine what it’s like to grow up in such a quiet and cold place and to have it grow even quieter and colder when the one person you thought cared about you left because now he has other things that are more important than you (/□＼*)・゜

Edgar + Kyle: can love between people of different social statuses exist?

The rest of these aren’t released at the moment I wrote this, so I’m mainly just going to be addressing my predictions!

So it’s clear that Jonah and MC are considered to be from different social ranks, even though MC is “Alice the Second” and has the power to nullify magic. She’s probably considered as a “commoner” in the Red Territory, so I can see why it would be difficult for Jonah and MC to get married.

And you know what else this reminds me of??? If we look at Seth’s route, we finally find out that the whole reason Cradle got divided into two was because a Red noble fell in love with a girl from a different social rank. And that romance tore a country apart, so.

Dean + Dalim: about family

Aight here we go. Are Dean and Dalim really family??? Do we finally get to find out??? Or at least get some sort of clue??? Bc I’m torn between the theory that they’re twins with amnesia or if Dean was some sort of clone created by the Magic Tower when they experimented on Dalim. And I have no idea when their routes are gonna be released, so I really hope we get more hints throughout each Ever After route.

Lancelot: Jonah’s tears

THIS IS THE SECOND MINI TALK THAT WILL DESTROY ME AFTER THE LUKA + SIRIUS ONE.

Also this is a reminder that Lancelot was probably the only one who has seen Jonah at his weakest before MC came along. It’s probably to be expected, since they’ve known each other for literally more than half their lives and also since Lancelot saved Jonah.

And technically Luka has known Jonah for the longest time, but I doubt that Jonah will ever show weakness in front of Luka because he considers himself as Luka’s protector, but it’s different in front of Lance. I feel like he can show his weaker side to Lance, and it just emphasizes how deep the relationship between them is.

SO GET READY FOR THE JONALOT FEELS WHEN THIS ONE COMES OUT.

Jonah: what is your ideal proposal?

OK I feel like this one is either gonna be super romantic or super cheesy. Or both, considering the type of person that Jonah is. But I’m gonna love it no matter what bc 1) Jonah can make even the most embarrassing situations funny and touching and 2) I’m too weak for my mille-feuille boi.

.

The screenshots for the “Peek at Romance” thing is here:

[Translation:

My dear Queen of Hearts, Jonah Clemence.

Jonah: In that party, every heir of the Clemence family will...

Jonah: Publicly introduce his fiancee, receive the acknowledgment and blessing of the whole clan, and finally step into the halls of marriage.

“What is a happy ending?”

--It’s when, the person who cannot be replaced becomes family.

Luka: Even though my brother is troublesome, and sometimes overly enthusiastic, but from now on please take care of him.

--It’s when, you become allies with the person you met.

Levie: Who hurt MC!? I’ll destroy that guy...!

Jonah: Calm down, Levie Castell. See who’s your true enemy clearly!

When he couldn’t provide an answer, it made tears overflow from his eyes.

And--while looking for an answer, it’s also possible to lose something.

Dalim: Thanks. Goodbye, princess.

Dean: I couldn’t ask any of the things I’ve been wondering before he ran...

But even so, we will still advance forward bravely.

This is all to receive the answer--to have a happy ending.

Jonah: From now on, everyone will see you as...

Jonah: The Queen of Heart’s...and also the head of the Clemence family’s wife.

Jonah: But, when there’s no one else, and when it’s just us two.

Jonah: We’ll become Jonah and MC again, and we can love each other as much as we like.

Jonah: I love you, MC.

No matter what happens, he, who is the most beautiful and pure in the world...

Will only accept a future that is even better than a happy ending...!]

I just...literally cannot express my love for this summary.

First of all I’m just gonna talk about the tone. Right off the bat MC calls him “my dear Queen” and it was just. So. CUUUUUUUUUUTE.

Also, the question and theme of “a happy ending” is brought up, and the rest of the sneak peek answers that question (it’s when the people you love become your family and the people you meet becomes your allies), but also explores how they could find those answers (Jonah crying when he couldn’t find an answer and advancing forward bravely because they just want their happy ending). And finally we finish it off with a super Jonah-like statement, announcing that he’ll accept no less than the most perfect ending of them all!

Moving on to the information revealed...it’s pretty cool how there’s a special party for the next head of the Clemence family when they’re ready to announce their marriage and gain approval. Also, it’s kinda wild to think that Jonah will eventually become a head of the family just like his father and his grandfather before that.

AND THE PART WITH LUKA AND LEVIE ARE LITERALLY SO ADORABLE. LIKE, LUKA INSULTING JONAH BUT ALSO LEAVING HIM TO MC AND LEVIE DEFENDING MC FROM PPL WHO WOULD HARM HER IS 10/10 PERFECT

Also it seems that Dean and Dalim’s backstories might be explored more but won’t be resolved just yet. I guess we really do have to wait until their routes get released to find out.

In short, this was an amazing summary of the route. WHY DO I HAVE TO WAIT ANOTHER MONTH UNTIL I CAN FINALLY READ THE WHOLE THING???????????????????????????

.

Also FYI, this is all completely new to me. For the other characters’ sequels, I played it through on Ikerev JP bc I can’t wait until the releases in the TW and English version that’s like, a year later. But I didn’t read Jonah’s sequel bc my Japanese isn’t super good and I wanted to read my man’s story in a language that I can completely understand so I literally have no idea of what to expect apart from what I found out in the campaign release :3

Also also I’m probably gonna be posting for every part in the story I’m going through BC I JUST LOVE JONAH THAT MUCH. I guess it would make up for my inactivity this month ^^;

[wordstro]

i can’t even begin to describe how obsessed i am with the san apocalypse au. i normally don’t read a series until it’s complete because i have absolutely no patience but once i started reading i could not stop. your writing is INSANE!!! i have this whole entire world in my head where i can see every chapter playing out. even the way you described each member of ateez before you revealed who they actually where, i would be like ‘oh that’s yeosang or that’s seonghwa.’ i LOVE how fleshed out each of the characters are especially hongjoong. i can’t wait to see how the rest of his story plays out and how the rest of the members fit into his story. at first i thought to myself how could anybody turn into such an evil person but after he started talking about his backstory and how it’s been four years since the world ended i started to understand him in a way? it reminds me of the walking dead and how you see the changes in the characters after each season goes by and how they can’t afford to see the best in anyone anymore. i know it sounds horrible but it makes sense how once you’re taken in by hongjoong and seonghwa that you either stay and work or they sacrifice you to the fog. because what happens when somebody leaves and they decide they want to take the prison for themselves or the whole community falls apart because word gets out about what they do? idk if you watch the walking dead but hongjoongs community reminds me of the saviors/negan in a way. once they were introduced a whole conversation started about if the audience saw negan’s whole backstory and how he created his compound we would probably see rick and his gang as the bad guys and not the other way around. i’m not saying that the way that joong/hwa and negan run their communities is acceptable in anyway shape or form but i can understand why they do. we all want to think that we would be like y/n if the world were to actually fall apart but that likely wouldn’t be the case. i mean it’s been four years. when that got revealed i was thinking in my head ‘wait san is right, how were they able to survive? how have they not gotten killed by trusting the wrong person yet?’ anyways i hope i don’t sound like an actual psychopath by saying i can understand these characters lmao. and i’m sorry this was so long but i can’t help myself with how amazing your writing is!! also i really hope my sweet boy jongho goes with y/n and the gang when they hopefully eventually escape.

please never apologize for long messages!!! i love it so much thank you 😫❤️

omg you’re so kind 😭 i’m always a little insecure about writing too much or with too many words and flowery prose or useless words so this makes me soooo freaking happy thank u

it’s funny you bring up the walking dead though because i used to be absolutely obsessed with that show and it’s shaped a lot of my views when it comes to writing any type of post apocalyptic world. the grey area conflicts was SO good. so many moments have stuck with me from that show. i DID actually draw inspiration from the walking dead and how they saw the saviors compound! like it’s that combined with how cult leaders run their communes (i.e. seonghwa’s god complex). it’s an interesting combo and it is unfortunately understandable that dictatorships and militaristic type societies would rise after a community falls apart. it’s scary but it makes so much sense. so you don’t sound like a psychopath hahaha sometimes it makes sense even if it’s a shitty predicament 😭

yeah!!! those four years i think explains a lot. yn got lucky (unlucky?) that they did not meet too many ppl during that time, but everyone else DID and backstories like hongjoong’s is way too common. unfortunately san doesn’t know how isolated yn was which i think is going to be very… inch resting of a conversation.

also jongho is the sweetest boy!!!

yn (everyone) is like: i’ve only known jongho for a day and a half but if anything happened to him i would kill everyone in this room and then myself.

[shoezuki]

Tommy's prison/revival arc isnt well written actually

Anyways ive been wanting to talk on it a while for a bit here but havent had the Time or like. The thought to. But im gonna go off now.

First off im gonna say im ASSUMING this stream and plot of tommy being in the prison with dream is written entirely by tommy and dream. Wilbur May be involved in the latest stream but im not sure.

Bringing tommy back to life after only three days of him being dead did practically nothing to progress plot, the characters, or audience's understanding. In fact i feel that it damaged Other characters' potential and plot and already established plotlines.

The 'development' aspect

A really, really easy way to see if anything has changed or developed through an arc or plotline is to straightup just compare the 'beginning' to the 'end' in terms of the barebones situation. So;

Beginning: tommy is trapped in an isolated prison cell with dream, his own abuser who has hurt him in the past, for an unknown amount of time. He's terrified of dream and being stuck there with him.

End: tommy is trapped in an isolated prison cell with dream after being killed then revived by him, his own abuser whos hurt him in the past, for an unknown amount of time. Hes terrified of dream and being stuck there with him.

Okay. This is simplified obvious. But the point stands. ALTHOUGH the troupe of 'going back to the beginning' is common in the heroes journey its. It doesnt work here. Has tommy learned anything? Has he changed as a character? Is the severity of their situation any different? Have we, as the audience, learned anything new?

Im going to expand on that last point because i think it has the strongest potential argument. Technically for progression in literature and development of plot/characters, things can Change without them being Aware as characters. It can change just by the audience's perception changing or being challenge.

Slight example: i've been reading a webcomic called Your Throne. Its a fantasy/political drama about a noble lady who entered a competition with another noble lady to become the empress. The main lady lost despite her being a better fit, and the comic starts with the main lady trying to assassinate the empress. Its assumed and stated by the main lady that she 'ruined her life' and so thats all the readers know. However, later in the novel we see flashbacks to the competition itself and find that the two ladies were extremely close friends, neither wanting anything bad for the other, but it was the emperor himself who manipulated both of them for his own agenda. Those flashbacks gave us an entirely different idea of who the real antagonist is and completely changed the two main ladies' relationship. THAT is how the audience's understanding of the plot and novel can be used to change the entire story. We dont get such here though

Some things that were brought to light during tommy being dead/revived:

Dream is capable of reviving people infinitely

This was already implicated and assumed. The book dream has being a means of reviving people has been around Technically since schlatt's death. This just 'confirmed' what was known

Time works differently/feels longer in the afterlife

This doesnt really impact much beyond emotions and implications. If we had more insight into what the 'afterlife' is like beyond nothingness perhaps so. But really it just makes it so wilbur being dead for what feels like 9 years and tommy having been dead for 2 months appeal to emotions.

Wilbur is evil

This one fuckin sucks i cant lie HSKSHSISSGEGDV. Like i was gon go on bout it and i will but it jus sucks. We have nothing to go on besides tommy's word, no examlles of what Horrible things wilbur said could make tommy assume this, etcetc. Ill most likely make a seperate post on how this feels like we're just going to get 'wilbur is a horrible villain' type with him. But still. I feel wilbur Not Being Good isnt a new development.

Dream is going to revive wilbur

This doesnt feel new either, part because phil had wanted to revive wilbur before (ill get to that more later) and that tommy had kept dream alive/initially imprisoned him with the idea of him reviving wilbur.

Dream believes wilbur will break him out of prison

Okau this makes no sense to me actually. I cwnt understand How exactly wilbur would be able to do this? Or why dream believes he even Could? Mans been dead for like 9 years and all we Know of the afterlife is that its black... nothingness. How would 9 years of that make wilbur capable of busting the prison open?

So. Yeah. All in all this plotline hasnt done anything new, developed things, or altered people's perceptions. We just ended up back at square one. Back to tommy being traumatized, dream being 'evil' and horrible and doing villain monologues, and them being stuck together.

Other characters and plotlines

Im pretty damn sure tommy's revival fucked up a LOT of other characters' plotlines and potential development. Honestly i feel this has a lot to do with the writers not communicating with other ccs well enough. But Ill talk about specific characters from least to most fucked over in my opinion:

Sam

He's the best off. He hqd been there during tommy's death, had been close to tommy, had majorly blamed himself and his own mistakes for tommy's death. His grief and self hatred was actually really heartbreaking and well done. The attached character of Sam Nook being unaware of tommy's death and simply waiting for tommy to return was a really good parallel to sam's own grief and anger. like it really snapped sam the guy who cares for tommy and wants to do Right by him back together with him as the Warden of the prison. Mixed personal life with 'just business'.

I feel it wouldve been nice to have him like. Have more time to grieve properly and come to terms eith tommy's death and his own involvement/influence over the events. Him finding tommy alive again Could be a means of him like. Facing his own grief head on if done well.

Ranboo

Mostly in the context of him and sam's argument do i feel it got screwed over. The weight of them yelling at each other and trying to find who to blame and the implications that Maybe ranboo was the one who caused the security breach that closed down the prison on tommy just.... doesnt hit so hard anymore. Because how can there be blame and arguments and a 'who done it' mystery when tommy popped up all fine again?

Puffy

I dony know much of her involvement or how she found out tommy died (besides metagaming shhhhh) but i saw her monologuing of how they 'failed' tommy and like. Her whole 'he was so young we the Adults failed him' spiel is like........... inconsequential? Now??? Like no dont worry he died but hes alright now.

Philza

BET YOU DIDNY EXPECT TO SEE THIS FUCKER!!!!!! But actually though i want to talk bout how this ties into phil. A LOT. for Zalbr ❤. But also because i see ppl tying phil to tommy's death n like nah shutup u doin it wrong. Ill go off more in a Wilbur Post. But essentially: i dont like that dream is now going to revive wilbur. I feel they arent going to tie philza into this Despite phil having originally been trying to revive his son and studying on it and Attempting and Failing. But now suddenly dream can just. Say some magic words and Poof wilbur lives? So we're just going to Kill philza's revival attempts plotline and leave that hanging? This made his efforts seem pointless and Wack like oh why didnt you just Say The Magic Words phil????

Niki

I feel really bad for niki. She hasnt been able to do a lore stream during tommy's 'death' (she tweeted she wanted to but her computer wasnt working) and considering her entire character.... that shit is important. We seen it with Jack Manifold how tommy's death impacted Him considering he literally wanted tommy dead. And since niki is in a similar boat to jack of trying to kill tommy and it being her Only goal...... thats extremely important.

BUT. i feel there wasnt any communication. Did she or anyone even know tommy would be revived? Did no one consider they could At Least let her do a single stream on it? Like jack manifold????

We couldve gotten a Really good niki lore stream. I genuinely was so excited for it and i dont regularly watch her. But we seen it with jack manifold which is why i dont feel he got screwed because mans genuinely did So Good he could pop off with anything n i think it works in His favour. But now........ for niki. Canonically she never even knew tommy was Dead. So its like nothing even happened for her. Is she just supposed to continue on trying to kill tommy with no progression?

What i think would work

This is more me being like 'hey @ the dsmp writers let me in' type speculation sbosegussgs. But i was thinkin on a Really easy way to 'fix' this without rewriting lore and the streams.

Dream should kill tommy again now that he's been revived and Leave Him Dead.

More development for the characters who are affected by his death Especially niki. More time for grief and self reflection and development

A chance for the audience to figure out what the 'afterlife' really is.

Dream is supposed to be smart and a master manipulator or something right? Why doesnt he use being able to revive tommy as a bargaining chip with sam for his own freedom?

The audience would now Know dream's intentions with tommy better, that this death isnt 'final', but we could still see other characters' grief and reactions and coping without it feeling cheap. Ive seen some 'but people dont know tommy is alive so hes still dead in their mind' but that sucks imo.

We'd know more on dream's ability to revive people and that he can just Do It on a whim (which i think sucks but hey im trying) but no one else would know this canonically

Okay. Im done. If you read this. Thankyou. I love you. Hmu.

[normal-thoughts-official]

Umm what are your thoughts on Magnus thinking Raphael doesn't need him anymore

Y̴̖̳̏͐̓͝͝͝O̴͉͔̪͙͎͌̋̊̽̚Ü̴̦ ̵̡̧͍̙͎̤̓͜F̵̺̹̼̫̳̻̖̓̈́̎Ơ̵͈̟̘̼̲O̴̤̻̭̻̟̺̖͗̆͌͒͆͊͂L̴̨͚̝̟̙̥͆̏. you absolute idiot. my thoughts on magnus thinking raphael doesn't need him anymore??????????????? C̶̨̛̖̘̜̟̪̱͗̈́̓̑̋͛́̽͛̃̑̈́Ą̵̢̣͕̥͚̩͔̗̤͙̺͝ͅN̷̢̜͇̪͖̫͓̦̟̰͎͈̫͔̹͌̓̏̐̔̊̽͝ͅ'̵̩͇͐̅͌͋̕T̵̡̡̼̰̼̯͇̝̗̼̫̝̺̝͖͑̀̒͛̈͘͜ͅ ̷̧̘̬͕̯̘͇̹̳͔̑̓͜Y̷̨̥̙̻̣̯̦̓̏̏̂̒͐̕Ơ̸̭͔̤̤̮̙͇͙͇͙̩͐̌̂̈́̐̇̌̌̕̚͝U̴̢̡͙͕̖̥̗̔̿̒̓̉̓͌ͅ ̶̺͚̯͙̘̦̻͚͒͒̍͗̌̚͜͠S̶̢͆̉́̋̈́́Ȩ̵̪͚̹͉͉͉̼̱͖̏ͅĘ̶̛̞̣͚̲̳̻̪̤̲͎̳̠̻̎̊̽̀̉̑͝ ̴̧̛̫͖͍̺͙͓͈̹͕͛͊͊̓͋̄͑͗̉͆͠͝T̵̡͍̱͍̙͈̞͍̪̭͌̄͂̎͑͂Ḩ̴̧̫̪͖̫̞̞̀̔̾̿̃͗̋͐̌͊̀̕̚È̴̢̨͓̞̠̲̱̠͉̾̀ ̴̢͇͈̣͙̝̭͔̰͔̫̦̈́̀͘Ṁ̶̡͓̖̭̩̱̗̗̘̯̖̹͖̳̭̙̺͋͐̈Ḭ̷̢̧̢͔̙̪̣̞̣͙̘̑͌̈́̐̾̅̆́̆̑̃͋͒͒̎͠Ş̵̱̘̰͓̫̦̺͚̙̹͚̗͎̭̠͆̀̏͐͋͗̈́T̷̢̡̡̛̪̝̟̻̠̼̦̦̰̦̗͓̣͌̌̐̋͊̐̔͛̕Ą̵͔͉̜̪̦͓̗̤͇͖̘͓̱̰̜̈͒̍̊͂ͅK̵̛͈̜̱͉̜̖͈̈́́̒̀̐͒́̂̔͆̾̏̂͂̕̕E̸̡͓̣̪̮͉̮̻̹̰̒́̾̋ ̴̡̮̝̝͇̫̮̭̞̦̘̙̥̥̗͒̿͝ͅY̷̡̨͙̝̰̗̗̫͛́̕͜͠͝Ō̵̬U̶̿́͒͆́��̨̡̖̗͙̞̲̺͖̣͉̜̏͠ͅ'̵̮̭̗̙̘̰͍̥̣̪̩̖̦͂̀̋̆̓̉́̅͜R̸̼̤͙̞͚̼̤͆͛͌̄̈́̑͘Ê̸̡̢̩̳̤͙̳̘̲̞̦̳̻̩̔̐̄͐̑̒̿̒̽̈́̌͒̏̚ ̷̛̮̂̈̽̄̇̆̍̄͂̋̒͛͝͝͝M̶̧̢̛͙̮̣͎̮͍̝̪͔͎̘͔̐̊͐̄̃́̄̄͋̆̕͜͝A̵̧̮̙͖͓̭̯̘̪̿͊̌̉̆̄̈́̾̅́͆͋́̾̓͝K̸̘̩̯̼̣͍̠̝͈̤̮̝̻̬̿̈́Ǐ̶͖̹͈̫͙̀͛̀̆͆͊̿͘̕͝Ṋ̸̨̨̗̰͖̳̝͉͑̏̀̀́̂͗͌̽̈G̸̢̰̟̜͎̪̬̞̲͔̘͍̋̆. not only is this one of my favorite angsts ever, nay! you just posted self promo bait!!! i have a whole ass fic about it (link). and you know what the worst part is???? im gonna make a huge ass answer to your question anyway!!!! do you understand how naive you were now??? do you have any idea what you have unleashed?????

ok ok ok ok ok ok ok ok. so i think the saddest part about this is magnus' assumption that like... if he isn't useful, he isn't desirable. which we know is 100% how magnus rolls (therapy-needing icon) and would particularly ring true in raphael's case because like... magnus took raphael in when raphael was at his lowest. their relationship was started off by the fact that raphael needed him. and that makes it even harder for magnus to shake that feeling off

like, don't misquote me, it's not raphael's fault and that is not how he sees magnus at all. and i don't think magnus singlehandedly saved raphael or whatever; raphael had to build his own network of ppl and resources to get over his addiction and get back on his feet and build himself back together, as anyone does. no one can carry a burden as big as singlehandedly taking care of any one person, nevermind one in the state rapha was in. but the fact remains: raphael and magnus met when raphael was at his lowest, and they built their relationship because magnus helped him

and magnus knows raphael's got this whole repentance thing going on, he knows that raphael feels like a monster and a burden and like his debt to magnus is unmeasurable. and that makes him second-guess everything about their relationship, imo, because like... raphael probably feels like he has to keep magnus company, he has to do as he says or whatever, because he has a debt

and to some extent it's nice that magnus is like... aware of that imbalance, which is inherent to that situation, but then i think it becomes pretty much... being convinced that raphael doesn't like him and only puts up with him because he has to since he owes magnus

and when magnus "adopted" rapha, magnus was at a particular fragile point. i'm pretty sure rapha was the first person magnus ever let into his life, fully, enough to really know him and his insecurities and his true self, after camille. his other friends - catarina, dot, ragnor, elias - all knew him from before. and we know how after camille magnus locked his heart; yes, he was referring to romantic relationships, but when you are constantly afraid of falling in love with someone in case they will abuse you, you can't fully build platonic relationships either, because there is that wall that is there, a certain level of intimacy that you won't allow yourself

and with that i don't mean that romantic relationships are inherently more intimate or deeper than platonic ones! i mean that to build any sort of intimate relationship, romantic or platonic, you need to be able to allow yourself to be vulnerable, and magnus was obviously not allowing himself that, because he was scared of being vulnerable after it was used so viciously against him the last time he opened up his heart

but magnus is still too caring of a person to leave someone in a state as bad as raphael's - no sire, battling addiction, alone in the streets, probably no knowledge of the shadow world (this is probably where i should add my mandatory disclaimer that i'm not following book canon and i don't care how it went there, i'm talking about the show), no clan, no family, basically no one - alone, so of course he's gonna bring him in for a night and feed him and try to find a way to help him

but then you add to that two facts: 1- magnus is hopelessly affection and touch-starved and desperately needs company; 2- there is not many places raphael can actually go to

so of course magnus lets raphael stay. and it's for his own sake as much as it is for his, because again, magnus is starved, and he is at a point of his recovery where he needs to let people in, even if it's slowly and in a relatively safe situation - like, what can raphael do to hurt him? okay, there's a few things, but still. it's just easier to let yourself be vulnerable when the person you're allowing to see it is someone you've seen equally as or even more vulnerable. especially if they have no connections to people you know, as it is in rapha's case

PLUS, he empathises. i've said it before and i'll say it again, raphael and magnus have so much in common. from background (immigrants, brown, downworlders, one is bi the other is ace which are two groups known for their ties and solidarity with each other, trans if you go by my headcanons which i will because this is my blog and i do what i want) to coping mechanisms (both clearly deal with their problems on their own and try to avoid letting other people help them as much as they can, even if in very different ways - magnus creates a persona so he can be surrounded by people and not let them in too close whereas raphael doesn't let them get close from the get-go), to some of their personal psychological issues (this unbearable responsibility they carry on their shoulders, like everything and everyone is dependant on them and it is on them personally to help everyone they find: see raphael and how involved he got with simon and the way he talked about the other vampires/the clan even before he became clan leader, and magnus and Literally Everyone That Came Into His Path; the feelings of monstrosity they both feel due to their downworlder status and their past; the guilt; the self sacrificial/giving til it hurts tendencies; etc), to a few personality traits (similar sense of humor, both natural leaders, both pretty bold in their own ways; they also have many differences in personality but they are quite compatible/similar in other ways as well).... i could go on. i'm not saying they are Literally The Same Character (that'd be bad writing anyway, and there are notable differences such as raphael being way more recluse than magnus, their different moral codes, etc.) but there is a lot in common, which results in a nice dynamic in which:

they have fun with each other (think "because you're totally unbiased"; that was clearly a tease, neither of them were really upset by it, raphael looked at magnus expectantly like he expected magnus to laugh and magnus just glared at him in a clearly playful way)

they care for each other deeply (think every interaction we got between them or that included them talking about each other to a third person lmao i think this one is undeniable)

they trust each other incredibly (think raphael being tortured and going to magnus before he went to his own clan, then staying at his house, he obviously feels comfortable and safe there more than anywhere else including his own supposed home; and i wish we had gotten to see more of raphael taking care of magnus as well but of course the writers always forgot magnus had friends and family beyond shadowhunters lmao, but still, i think it's undeniable that the trust goes both ways because of the sheer difference in the way magnus treated raphael as opposed to other people who came for his help, including downworlders like simon)

they are openly affectionate with each other in a way they aren't with most people (think them hugging or the way magnus casually touched raphael's face like it was perfectly normal. that is like, the only s3 raphael scene i claim lmao)

hmmm where was i going with this. man i should really get checked for ADHD or whatever

RIGHT they built a nice relationship. which magnus craved!!! he really really needed someone he could be affectionate with, someone he could trust, someone he had fun with! and again, it's not that he didn't have that, but it was the first time he was building a relationship like this again from scratch after camille. plus, i'm sure camille pushed him away from his friends because that's what abusers do, and i'm sure magnus also pushed them away to some extent because again, being vulnerable was hard. but with raphael there was no escaping it. like, he was living at magnus' house

and he needed that! and i think raphael and their relationship had such an important catalyst role in magnus' recovery from camille. not that raphael saved him - again, that's not even possible - but the way their relationship was constructed was essential for magnus to start opening up again. without it i really doubt it would have been possible for him to open up to alec, and i think their relationship and history is extremely overlooked and underrated by the fandom

but like... the fact that he was in such a vulnerable emotional state to begin with, plus the fact that their relationship was kickstarted by the fact that raphael needed him, will obviously lead to him thinking that raphael only puts up with him or whatever because he needs him/feels indebted (because magnus knows at this point that raphael is not the kind to use people, but he also knows that raphael already acts like his mere presence in the world is something he has to make up for it's the catholicism so of course he's gonna feel like he needs to make up for magnus for such a huge gesture. anyone who's not an asshole would, but like, particularly raphael). cue magnus like, probably feeling guilty for getting so attached to raphael because he's an idiot

and like of course raphael feels indebted and grateful but he also does genuinely in fact like magnus (for all the reasons listed above) and also like, he did in fact also need more connections, he had just lost all of his previous ones. but most importantly he does care for magnus and loves him immensely even beyond all that magnus did for him. and he does see magnus as a person and knows about his struggles and vulnerabilities because it's impossible not to when you live/have lived together, and he just... cares and empathises

but also raphael obviously thinks he's a burden to magnus because duh, and i don't think magnus ever really told raphael how much taking raphael in helped him, how much it meant to him and his recovery, how he was doing it for himself as much as he was doing it for rapha, because 1- he's scared of being so open and vulnerable; 2- he's scared of making raphael feel even more guilty; 3- he's stupid and i think part of him assumed it went without saying

like he was always so openly affectionate with raphael (maybe even too much in his eyes, maybe he was scared of being too attached, putting too much on his shoulders, it's not this traumatized kid's job to deal with his issues for fuck's sake) and magnus has always worn his heart in his sleeve and he feels everything so deeply i think he sometimes forgets that it's not actually plain for everyone to see and feel. particularly not non-warlocks, since it's kinda implied that warlocks have some level of sensitivity to each other going on. plus raphael is autistic af so he can't tell what magnus is feeling if magnus doesn't fucking say it, and he has a terminally low self esteem that i assume would be even lower by that point (due to, you know... the general shitshow state his life was in), so of course he doesn't assume he's as important to magnus as magnus is to him, particularly not when he is literally burdening him (in raphael's eyes). so he thinks it's obvious but it's Really Not

so we have like a lot of misunderstanding angst with both of them wanting to get closer but thinking they are imposing on the other and pulling away, and both of them taking the other pulling away as a sign that they aren't comfortable and aaaa

so like i think that rapha would mention moving out so he can get out of magnus' hair, and magnus is all crestfallen because he's so not ready to be alone at home again, but he can't be selfish and hold the kid back just because he has shit he needs to deal with, right? it's not fair

and then like lowkey spiralling afraid that after that he's going to be alone again and raphael won't want to see him anymore, or worse, that he'll force himself to out of pity or guilt, and magnus will just be a chore to him

and raphael feeling like magnus wants to get rid of him and will want him out of his hair and aaaaaaaaaaa

and magnus of course is all put together and excited about it, "yes, my boy, don't worry, i'll help you move" and playfully tilting his head and being all excited and getting into chop-chop mode because as long as he can make himself useful he can avoid thinking about how he's gonna be alone again. and rapha of course taking this as magnus being eager for him to leave

and just doijasiodjasoij they're IDIOTS. i think this would be more or less resolved by raphael because at the very least he has to thank magnus for everything he's done and tell magnus that he means so much to him, that he'll always be thankful. and magnus again is all put together, all "it was nothing, my boy" but rapha pulls him into a hug and suddenly they are Not Letting Each Other Go. like it's tight and maybe they're both shaking a little because Badly Repressed Emotions and they're just. so unwilling to let each other go for what they feel like will be forever because they are sad and dramatic. and raphael even wonders for a second if he's like, super strengthing magnus into the hug by accident, but even when he tries to let go magnus doesn't even notice and is still hugging him tight, so he's like. okay. guess i can stay for a little longer then. and keeps hugging him

and lol i have half a mind to be like "and then raphael ends up staying because neither of them actually wants raphael to leave so what's the point" and actually i think i might be going this route for this particular hc. but of course eventually raphael does leave because you know... kids grow up and all daihdsaioj and i think that they still have some things to resolve, particularly from magnus' side? i think raphael is more in touch with him than the other way around, even if mostly we've seen him coming to magnus for help, but like... that trust is there, you know, and we didn't see a lot of the opposite

i know s3 raphael was fake anyway but like i imagine him finding out that magnus lost his magic and he had no idea or that he lost his home and being like "why didn't you ask for my help?? our help??" because you know all his other friends would have wanted to help him out too, and magnus is just. he doesn't want to be a burden. he feels like if he is, he's going to lose anyone. he needs to be there for them

and it's so much bullshit of course and raphael is pissed - not at magnus, he couldn't be mad at him, but just pissed in general. and he draws magnus in for a hug and tells him that he can always come to raphael, whenever he needs, and raphael will drop everything to help him. the clan is doing okay (especially post-valentine and impending doom and all, you know, they can take care of themselves lmao. like look of course raphael is a very involved leader but you get what i mean, they won't die if he goes help magnus with something) and he has second-in-commands he trusts anyway. and he doesn't want magnus to hide his problems for him and not come for his help and aaa

just.... rapha being like "you think i wouldn't do anything i could for you? anything to make sure you're alright?" and magnus being like "you don't have to" and raphael going, "you didn't have to do it for me either. but you did" "you don't owe me anything" "i do, but this is not about that. magnus, you're my family" and magnus tearing up because it is so immense to him to be someone's family, something he almost can't grasp

and magnus slowly learning that no, raphael doesn't need him, but that's not important because he wants magnus in his life anyway. and they can always rely on each other, no matter what, even if they aren't dependant on each other - and that is a good thing :)

[heybaetae]

i feel like i don't fit in anywhere its wild. i dont make gifs anymore but when i did, i was just 'there' i went to conventions for these shows i made gifs for but made no friends cus when i went i still felt like i didnt belong. then i got into the bts fandom & everyones so inviting but since i dnt make anything im not known here or have followers of the same interests. i cant seem to find a place on twitter cus they're so fast paced and im not that talkative & tbh they seem younger most the time. im just never able to fit in anywhere and its kinda isolating when i have these interests and ppl seem to have so many friends in these fandoms. like im rlyyyy enjoying this show right now but even when i made a post about it, i cant seem to connect with people personally. maybe im not being more forward. i barely talk to my only 2 friends. my ex was the closest person with me & i dont share that little world with them anymore. i feel like i've lost myself. idk if this make sense *sigh* its just hard to see ppl connect with each other and i feel like no matter how much we have in common i dont belong here.

hi friend ♡

first of all, thank you for trusting me enough to send this. i like to hope my inbox feels like a safe space for anyone who needs a person to confide in or to just air their feelings out. i hope just by writing this all out, you feel a little bit lighter.

secondly, i relate to a lot of what you described. listen, i’ve been doing this fandom thing for a long time on and offline, so i’ve definitely been around the block of knowing where i feel like i fit in and where i don’t. and while i wouldn’t necessarily call myself shy, i’m very introverted. i absolutely understand not being the talkative type and ultimately letting just that fact alone be what dictates whether or not you form any friendships in whichever fandom you’re trying to make them in. you are right in the sense that sometimes you do have to push yourself and be a little more forward with it. conversation starting is daunting, but that’s how we get literally everywhere, right? it’s such a simple answer, but so scary too and that’s okay.

i think online fandom spaces—especially within the last few years as the “tumblr fandom” generation slowly migrated into “stan twitter” which is, like you said, mostly dominated by much younger people in comparison and definitely not the place i’d worry too much about not fitting into because it’s a hell scape and you’re so, SO much better off not being “known” on that site unless the subject’s fandom is very small, trust me—has refigured the way a lot of us with a classic case of wallflower syndrome navigate through the communities we try to find a place in. 

now it comes with an overwhelming need to “contribute” to the community in some way, shape, or form or you’re downright invisible. of course this isn’t true and i’m not sure exactly where this train of thought came from (maybe it’s the euphoria of going viral and building up a following, knowing people will interact with your posts no matter what it is just because you’re funny, creative, talented, etc.), but it’s definitely at the root of why some of us feel isolated in a fandom nowadays and that kind of experience isn’t healthy in my opinion. you’re just setting yourself up for failure (read: cancellation) and WHO in their right mind genuinely wants that kind of pressure in return for a little attention? not me! that’s why i always try to remind myself that my metaphorical place in a fandom doesn’t have to stem from whether or not i’m contributing anything so long as it’s more “i want to do this simply because i like to and it brings me joy” and less “i feel obligated to do this in order to feel seen”. i hope that makes sense. 

you literally do not need to bring anything to the table to be included. there is always a bigger percentage of people who just exist liking that thing than people who go out of their way to show it. neither type of fan is any less. you belong where ever YOU decide to be. it’s always up to you. 

as for the making friends part? i really do wish i had the secret formula to this that would solve this issue for everyone, myself included, but i’m still figuring it out. i haven’t really broken through the loneliness of this fandom yet, but i’m honestly not in a hurry either. i really like vibing on my own here. i’m speaking from experience when i say i have been in other fandoms where i was very known. very followed. very seen. very WATCHED. very influential if i wasn’t careful with my words. it felt like a job position i could lose at any moment if i made one wrong move or voiced one wrong opinion. while i had a lot of friends and met a lot of people in real life, shared a lot of amazing experiences and made a lot of memories, that kind of toxic environment i spent years in changed how i participate in a fandom now. i’m more reserved. i’m very comfortable not being known. i’m less eager for vocalize my every thought. i seemed to think the relative popularity amongst people i shared a fandom with was gonna keep me happy, but it really didn’t. and those friendships weren’t built to last because people just...turn on you so fast. 

so. my best advice for being in a fandom these days is to find your circle of people and when you do (which you WILL), for the love of god, keep it small and keep it close. it’s so much better. take those baby steps. reach out to people, start convos, compliment someone’s work or respond to their thoughts. a lot of us are truly just circling each other aimlessly, too shy to speak up first. it’s more universal than you think.

sorry for this long rambly response that probably wasn’t very helpful. but this message struck with me because i really empathize and i’m very sorry you’re feeling this way now. it won’t last forever, that i know for sure. <3

[lesbiancarat]

PREACH IT!! SAY IT LOUDER FOR TH3 PEOPLE IN THE BACK!! *stands up and claps*

Just your comment, please I want to tattoo that entire response on my forehead so people could understand some stuff fjshdhsh. I very much agree with everything you have said, like I do think the bighit deal was more so with the help of say with western connections (which again does NOT mean pledis could have done this without bighit. They clearly could but I saw a theory on a YouTube comment where someone said they focused on the core fanbase aka in Korea which is their main market and it paid off imo) from helping with buisness side of things like we do have merch to buy directly (which I have my opinion on some merch ideas like why the fudge is bighit selling us water!? Bro you thought that worked with bts doesn't mean it will with seventeen) which wasn't common in the past or being able to film concerts with ease during the pandemic. Bighit clearly acknowledges that seventeen is a monster group in their own right I mean as you said, they break records and are 2nd behind bighits own group. They are EXTEMELY big in Japan. They are their own song makers, bang pd confirmed this when pleids was first announced in a press video so the fact people brush all of their achievements and statements because why, their streaming numbers are low?

And oohh such an interesting point as well! Very much i think the current mindset of kpop fans (or at least some) is that streaming is what equals success which to some degree, yes but as you said, many ignore the casual side of listening. People that find the song due to it being viral for whatever reason, a fancam getting popular like in the cass of hani from exid or whatever reason. Dwc is a great example and I saw those comments under their recent performance of that song and it makes me proud that the boys have a song like that. That it has its own "fanbase" quote on quote with how well loved that song simply is and well known. You don't have to have fans doing crazy streaming to be considered "popular", I mean I could give more examples but I don't wanna make this too long nor cause unwanted fandrama lol. Those casual listeners are extremely important and powerful I mean brave girls is a great recent example of that I think! It very much does seem like that when looking at the views, its mainly the core fanbase which isn't bad nor should we feel bad for not having crazy numbers. They seem more organic if that makes sense? Plus I agree, we can stream and can explain how it works, clearing up confusion about it like no emojis don't take down views and yes youtube does take away views but that is due to it making sure it isn't bots only viewing the video. Explaining that streaming should be done with a chill mindset and its ok if you don't stream. But hey, maybe we're too weird of fans to think like this fjajdjajs.

But some few updates! Seventeen is back on Instagram, fully everyone is posting away. Makes me happy hehe m, a bit funny it took so long for them to comeback but am happy nonetheless. The interactions that seungkwan does makes me super soft. Seventeen are also back with doing proper promotions so yay (also pledis is S Wording people over the mingyu issue finally so bless). As for me on the personal side of things. I have OFFICIALLY finished that video game ^_^ it took me a while but I have finished it, my last goodbye was completed and am at ease so to speak? Lowkey am planning on beating all the trophies in the game cx also may I ask about your thoughts on the album? Favorite songs, have you bought the physical cd?

ok finally getting around to this lol!!

and yeah that's absolutely true, pledis focused on kr promotions/fanbase first and foremost (and then expanded to Japan and is now looking toward the US/western promos in general). which i agree was a good thing. i think some companies get too greedy with wanting a group to be ~internationally famous~ that they ignore their Korean fanbase a bit too much and I've seen groups that have failed bc of it, so I'm glad that didn't happen w SVT

and yeah in terms of merch I'm genuinely grateful as an american that for this cb at least there was a US distributor which made things super convenient but wtf is going on w hybes merch those water bottles are not it TT it just sucks to see bc it's clear that at least as far as merch goes hybe doesn't have an interest in like. doing market research to figure out what carats want. which is funny bc they don't even have to start from scratch they could literally just ask pledis?? and tbh what's sad is i don't think hybe is like. purposefully trying to sabotage SVTs merch from my limited perspective i get the feeling they treat all their groups merch like that :( but since us carats have seen in the past what kind of merch we're capable of getting it's disappointing to see such a downgrade. and like tbf pledis's merch decisions were never perfect like that time they tried to sell replicas of the SVT rings and carats were rightfully pissed bc those are something the members earned, not something to be bought. and i also don't think hybe never has or never will make good merch, I'm sure they're fully capable of it. but it just seems obvious that they've put WAY less if any effort into understanding both the market (ie carats) and seventeens brand compared to pledis so like of course most carats aren't gonna like it :/ i really hope they step up their game and do better research or bring ppl onto the team who better understand svt's brand

and yeah i very much agree with everything u said about streaming! tbh i think this mindset isn't as uncommon as you might think, I've actually met a fair number of kpop fans who are critical of streaming culture but as u know there also are a lot of ppl who are really into it and those ppl tend to have the loudest voices. and unfortunately part of streaming culture is that if you question the methods or don't participate you must be a bad fan or secretly an anti or something ridiculous like that. so ppl who aren't into streaming culture end up learning to not be too vocal about it bc of how bad the backlash can be

yes! I'm glad to see insta line (+ now dk!!) active again. i still wonder why pledis made them stop using their ind instas, like I know all the theories people have as to why but honestly none that I've seen seem to fully make sense. it will probably be one of those things where we'll just never know the full story. but i digress!! regardless of the reason I'm just glad to have them back after all this time ^^

congrats on finishing the game! I'm glad it was able to help you work through your grief a bit and that you feel more at ease now ;-; and good luck with the rest of the trophies if you end up trying to get them!

as always I'm answering this a bit late so you may have seen already but i did get the physical album! it was a birthday gift so i only got it the other day, but according to my mom it arrived almost immediately after the album was released so as i said before, I'm very grateful for the US shop this time around ;-; as for the songs usually it's easy for me to pick one or two favorites but this time around it's genuinely a 4-way tie between heavens cloud and all the unit songs TT (i also love anyone and RTL, they're just slightly lower on the list in terms of preference if u get what i mean). i really hope some time in the future we get some kind of performance or special video or something for heavens cloud, since so many carats and the members themselves seem to really love it. i also think it's a song that brings up such beautiful imagery that it would be a shame if it never got any type of visual representation, you know? I'm also really curious to see a performance of wave, since iirc the members said the choreo is a lot more laid back/different from other perf unit choreos?? + that song also evokes such great imagery for me that like... makes feel like it needs some kind of movement so I'm just itching to see a performance. kind of like... even if i didn't know it was a perf unit song i would think it would be great to choreograph to if that makes any sense dhfkf. but yeah overall i think it's just a really solid album, as expected from summerteen ^^

[ratplagues]

🔥 any dishonored thing of ur choosing -deathoftheoutsider

wah okay!! i will talk a bit about the outsider and void then..i dont really wanna frame it as a Hot Take bc i have no interest in starting shit or whatever like ill interact with whatever i want to in this fandom and ignore the rest and everyone else is free to do the same but.

I do not think The Outsider is a “character” in the conventional sense, much less that it does his character or the allegory he wields any justice to be shipped with anyone in the series (at least without seriously considering the implications and framing it in a way that completes the allegory. more on this later)

the outsider and his void are an allegory for Otherness; i’m namely gonna frame it as queerness and neurodiversity, but really anything could fit as long as it’s about you feeling seen as a marginalized and othered person. he is written to represent this allegory, not to be a person with a satisfying narrative arc or dimensions. this is why some people feel that he lacks depth-- he’s not supposed to have depth compared to others in the series, he’s mostly a vehicle for what he represents, and is supposed to be easy to identify with or recognize.

he was born to a life of hardship, suffered at the hands of the rich and powerful, was ignored, cast out, etc. etc. a familiar story. poor, queer, nd, really whatever you wanna frame it as. he was a nobody outcast. in comes the envisioned, they pick him to serve as their martyr and idol without his permission. he then had his name cut away and forgotten, and was thrust onto a pedestal to spend the rest of eternity being worshipped by other outcasts who had suffered at the same hands he had. he has something greatly in common with those who worship him, including the very people who stripped his mortality from him in the first place, but because of this shared hardship (and nothing else), his own autonomous personhood was disregarded completely in favor of The Community needing someone Just Like Them to idolize. if this sounds familiar, that’s because it should!!

his humanity was taken from him, and in his place, an idol was created. his human body is frozen in stone in the center of the void-- retired. out of commission. no longer needed. he was immortalized, transcended. this is traditionally desired, although dishonored is trying to convince you that it is not actually desirable. in the age of internet content creation, you can be immortalized without even being present, without knowing about it. you become what you can do for other people, and what you cannot. people fall in love with an idea of you, the idea of you being like them, and other people come to hate you deeply without even knowing you. people came to hate the outsider more deeply than he ever had been when he was human-- he wasn’t seen when he was human. a pedestal only helps you to be seen. the outsider had the choice made for him to achieve immortality in exchange for the simple joys of being un-known.

he spends all of doto trying to convey this idea to billie through the hollows:

"There is freedom in being hated. There is license in being cast out. Some learn this lesson a little too well."  "These people lay their thoughts, their petty wants, their murderous desires in front of me to witness. I cannot turn away." "We carry what was done to us through the rest of our endless days. No one asked if we wanted it." (i like this one. he speaks for the community-- this is a shared experience, one everyone can recognize. however, as a Queer Figure, he never asked for this. he never asked to be immortalized. i like the double meaning here)

not to mention, the entire extent of the outsider’s Sole ability and influence on the real world is to “choose” people and give them untold power over others. this is a fun ironic twist on what marginalized groups endure from powerful people, (dishonored is largely about power imbalances and socioeconomic hierarchies) but it’s also fun to think about in the context of the role model/fan framing-- so many worshippers give their lives to be “chosen” by him. it’s easily framed as an exaggeration of otherwise very real power imbalances and often the flagrant breaching of boundaries existing between creators and fans.

and on the subject of the VOID...ohht he void.....

the void should be a haven for queer folks. for nd folks. it’s wanted by so many to be a safe space, it should be, it’s the Other World! it’s renounced by the abbey, crusaded against, even. but it isn’t. it’s just this limitless, eons-old horizon that hungers and starves for something to fill it. if the outsider is the lament of queer idolatry, the void is the lament of queer Hunger. it is roaming, and restless. it does not belong to the outsider; the outsider cannot survive without it. it’s the desire to belong, not a place of belonging.

the void craves this idol, this outsider-- i, for one, have often experienced hunger for a truly moral and just role model, someone to make the world Right, and i know this is another shared feeling. those who worship the outsider, who drive themselves mad trying to see him or be chosen by him, are suffering from this idol hunger. you see this in a lot of queer and nd kids and young adults. i grew up just having my life and interests like, punctuated by different fixations on different people that i didn’t know at all, only fell in love with the idea of. it happens a lot.

there’s a couple more doto quotes that really highlight this for me:

"They carve my mark into the old bones bleached by the sun. They carve my mark into their skin. They learn true hunger in the Void." "All these charms, these runes and fetid offerings on shrines made for me, will be nothing more than objects worn of meaning. Bones and dead things, thrown into the dirt."

“They learn true hunger in the Void.” is something that i wanna touch on real quick. people can spend their lives obsessing over the idea of what they think the void will cure for them, will fix in their lives, only to find out that it’s just a hollow manifestation of the emptiness they’ve felt all their lives. it’s not the needs met, but the need itself. you have to make the home, it doesn’t already exist and you can’t fucking run to it. it is heartbreaking, frustrating, one of the bleakest messages i’ve ever encountered in a game, but i’ve never felt more seen. by submitting to these ideas, the idea of a perfect unhuman human and the idea of a perfect otherworldly home, you are surrendering your humanity. you’re not only being transformed by the powers gained (if they are gained), you’re essentially dissolving with hunger after never having these needs met. you see so many people in these games whittling themselves down to nothing but base need. empty apartments occupied only by shrines, sometimes containing their corpses. journals of people dedicating their lives to the worship of the outsider, always ending darkly.  "I will find this empty place. Somehow the key to open the Void will fall into my hands. In time, I will learn the secret and he will call to me as he called to her."

not to mention The New Envisioned-- prolonged exposure to the void will always, without fail, turn a human into silver void stone. these creatures can no longer interact with or acknowledge the mortal world. they have surrendered themselves to hunger, and cannot be saved. this is celebrated by the cult, honored by them, even. i honestly like....i pity them, and i hate them, and i recognize that i’ve been those people, lmao. when i was at my worst as a teenager, i wasnt so much a person as i was just a shell full of hunger and heartbreak. my personality was defined by who i was a fan of. i think i definitely was Less Human then. the cult of the outsider is a universal experience!!

dishonored, at its core, is a celebration of humanity. it asks you to celebrate human emotion and weakness despite greed and bigotry. the powers are not to be wanted, they are to be ignored, refused. it is human to hunger, but it is Queer and Divergent to make hunger your life’s meaning, to need to learn the secret, find the key, be chosen and loved and cherished, to be made whole by some perfect thing. to find your humanity in something un-human. dishonored sees all that, mourns it with you, and then asks you to find humanity in each other !! love the spine of your lover, the blood draining down the docks, the pause to stretch languidly in the sun of a work day.

and finally...on the topic of outsider shipping....i dont think that, in his god form, it does him much justice to be shipped with anyone. he’s not much of a person, just a projection of his former self and a vehicle for his allegory as discussed-- im sure he could be shipped like this, but it just isn’t satisfying to me in any way. however, let’s talk a bit about his lethal and nonlethal ending. DOTO asks you to make a choice. is it better to give him an abrupt and merciful ending, after deciding that the fury he’s endured at the hands of others’ famine is too much trauma for any mortal to live with? or will you decide that it’s only fair to give him a chance to live the life he never got to, to return his humanity that was taken without his consent? if you choose to free him from the void, i think you can very very easily make the argument that he can be shipped with corvo, or anyone else that can easily be shipped w/ ppl. he’s finally free to live his life as a queer man, can explore the simple and complex joys of being human with other people, navigate the hills and valleys he never got to before. corvo’s just a nice pick bc 1) experienced human/inexperienced human is good, 2) they know each other, but they don’t. this is a good setup. 3) corvo is an older queer man and uhh you cant convince me otherwise lol! and older queer/younger queer is a self indulgence for me. also corvo is just nice. i think he would enjoy helping the outsider navigate his new humanity.

just some thoughts i have running through my head all hours of the day :) this is really long cuz its a combination of a lot of infodumps from discord lmfao

[justslowdown]

2 possibly dumb questions! 1st, why would Ms Chops breeder care about you using her for mixes after he has his show line? I've noticed mentions of owners of male dogs reluctant to let them breed mixes too. Is it just a Show Dog thing? 2nd, isn't a papillon like the size of a chihuahua

Not dumb! Yeah, we genuinely did not think it would be possible to be able to find a breeder willing to sell a show bred buhund to people who breed crosses, let alone consider allowing us to use her herself for that

It's a struggle to find show bred stud owners open to letting us use them. Often (I know several people who've had to do this) you can only disclose the name of the dog and breeder to actual puppy buyers, not the general public

Sport people can be a little more receptive, because sport bred mixes are a common thing. Generally only OK with it if the dogs involve y'know, do sports, they don't tend to see companionship as a good reason to breed. Working folks tend to be the most practical about it but I've still talked to working Scotch collie folks (a breed that allows outcrossing!) who basically laughed me out of the room, and English shepherd breeders who were insulted. In general a lot of working ppl are like "if it works it works, breed isn't key" tho

I think there are a lot of reasons for how hard the process is. In purebred dog culture the predictability of a pure breed is one of the main reasons to breed dogs. There's also this concept that breeding "to better the breed" or somehow improve the population is the only ethical way to do it. A lot of people seem to think when I ask about crossing their dogs with other breeds, I'm saying their dogs aren't good enough? Like, that I'm trying to improve them? When personally I'm trying to say "hey, I really love what you're doing, I'm not a purebred [x] breed person but it would be great to get your genetics into my program."

Then there's just weird eugenicist nonsense. That's literally how kennel clubs started and it isn't very thinly veiled. Purity and "untainted bloodlines" are worshipped. Not ALL show people but a lot of them... I've seen some things said that really turned my stomach.

And lastly there are lots of folks who privately are interested in my hobby farm dogs and the companion bred ones, but can't be open about their support. Because if they do, all the people mentioned above will gossip and their reputation within the breed community will be damaged. You should have seen how downright vicious and cruel the Saluki community was to a friend who was planning a lurcher mix litter with his. So even if people are ok with crossing, they usually keep quiet.

I'm sure there's plenty more reasons. But yeah, in general, it's really really difficult to find people who are willing to help with this kind of thing. It took four yrs or so to network enough get a well bred dog like Kiwi. People are already picky about breeding rights (being allowed to breed the dog) let alone with all this crossbreeding complication. Essentially the breeder is putting their own reputation on the line to trust you!

And then there was Lambchop. Her breeder was skeptical about my spitz-collies but I think meeting Kiwi and hearing about the farm helped a lot. He still wasn't too on board, but basically said that after he got his show bred litter back (she's a co-own) what we do after is our business. He doesn't want to be involved but it's ok. However... Pip and I aren't sure what the US buhund community in particular thinks about crossing. We're concerned his reputation will be affected if people know he agreed to it. He's doing us a solid selling such a promising show dog to beginners, and agreeing that her offspring can be used for all the mixing we want. Personally I'd like to breed her to a collie-type but we'll just see how it goes. We need to talk to more people In the Breed to make sure we aren't sabotaging Lambchop's breeder by doing that

WOW THAT WAS LONG sorry!!!!! It's just a big topic and one that affects me like. Daily

For the second question. Yeah 😂 they're little. I'd never ever want to raise purebreds, I'd be so scared of how fragile they are! But there's precedent. Border collie/papillons are a big thing in the sport mix world right now so I asked for feedback on the kind of size range to expect in puppies. Kestrel is 38 lb as well (smaller than she looks in pics):

The stud we're using has a litter with a low-30-something lb girl right now, so it will be interesting to see how they mature.

I like the idea of a more biddable, handler focused 20 lb Kestrel! From the feedback I've gotten about what I thought was just a wild idea, a lot of other people want that too. A pomsky type with a better coat, less spitz 'tude. More trainable and calm (paps aren't known for calmness but the sire is extremely mellow yet biddable). Better temperament and less inbred than a Klee Kai. And actually health tested and not $2.5k lmfao