#And this isn't the first time mapicc has done this btw

[spacewaffling]

Mapicc stream sniping............. and using the info yesterday against pangi.........

[irrealisms]

every martyr in this jungle liner notes

fic here if you haven't read it!

okay so this first point is, like, barely a liner note for the fic proper. but did you know i have spent the past several weeks engrossed in the mcyt-trio polls. i have written two fics for it and made a web weave and i'm already planning a third fic for the finale next round as a thank you to the mods. shit's crazy. i rushed the editing timeline on every martyr in this jungle because i wanted to publish it before the time on this poll runs out. vote eclipse federation if you haven't already, with the disclaimer that it's got like 16 hours left as of me writing this, and keep an eye out for a bench trio fic coming soon to a blog and/or ao3 near you

anyway! fic time!

the most-used word in this fic that is not a name (the top three words are of course Vitalasy, Zam, and Subz) is again. this is on purpose. during editing i deleted an instance of "again" due to awkward phrasing and i had to double-check before doing so that it was still winning in Word Frequency or else i would've added it back in somewhere else. they have had this conversation before. maybe not in its details, but in its shape. they are having this conversation again, again, again.

vitalasy has so many issues around zam being afraid of him, even though (a) vitalasy hasn't actually done anything to anyone other than himself*, (b) zam is the one who killed vitalasy. some things i was drawing on for character inspiration here: the song hold no guns by death cab for cutie, the poem ON BEING RAISED ON FAIRY TALES IN WHICH YOU ARE THE MONSTER by a.m.h. *sorry for the planetlord erasure

zam...isn't actually as afraid of vitalasy as vitalasy thinks he is. zam is, like, a normal amount afraid of all social interaction, due to who he is as a person. he is an incredibly scared and jumpy guy, because he has an anxiety disorder, but he isn't actually particularly scared of vitalasy qua vitalasy anymore. vitalasy just...has issues from when he was.

relatedly: if this were from zam's pov, every time there is the slightest pause in the dialogue you'd get his internal monologue, which is approximately "oh God oh fuck this is going so terribly what do i say why am i so bad at talking to Vitalasy what do i do" the entire time. he's trying! and the tension on his end is much less "aaaa Vitalasy who I am scared of is here" and much more "WHY DO I KEEP SAYING THE WRONG THING. WHY AM I SO BAD AT THIS. OH NO HE'S EVEN SADDER NOW?????"

it did need to be vitalasy pov, though. as soon as i got the idea i knew it had to be vitalasy pov. i knew it had to be vitalasy pov because the previous one was zam pov and they're mirrors. here they are, at the grave, (again!) but now it's vitalasy standing vigil, and zam awkwardly showing up to put flowers on it.

the way it is still, constantly, about subz. vitalasy gets mad at zam for this, because zam cares so much more about subz than him, but he's just as bad--every two seconds he's thinking about subz's death, subz's note. the grave is the space between them. the grave is the only thing bringing them together. this is a bit of a continuation of the last fic. it is about zam and vitalasy but it is also about the ghost of subz.

the moon-representing-subz has Less of a presence in this one vs the last one, except for at the very end. the moon is rising. subz will be back soon. (well...it rises once zam leaves. this, too, is a metaphor.)

also related to the ghost of subz: i considered bringing up the fact that zam's been [hallucinating? haunted?] seeing subz everywhere. it didn't quite work but it's a fun little detail that is, btw, canon. canon in a "one-off line that was a little bit a joke" way but nonetheless canon enough to make me crazy about it.

the note about zam fidgeting a lot to the point of half-dancing around mapicc and spoke is about his lunar client emotes . and how he does them Even More Than Usual (which is already a lot) when he is around ppl who are also being silly w lunar client emotes <3

the thing where... they know each other. they know each other so well. they are, both of them, trying. this does not fix anything, it just makes it hurt worse.

sort of related to that and sort of related to zam's Fear (in general, of vitalasy) and sort of its own thing, zam is.. mm. zam's got certain expectations of people. and it's easy to assume they're about his [past issues in relationships] or even about [the person he is presently talking to] but they're...not, really. they're not zero about those things but they're not only about those things either. they are in large part about what zam, personally, thinks he deserves (punishment, death, bad things, etc). (occasionally when zam feels better about himself it's about how zam is a Victimhero Martyr and everyone else is a sort of prop in that, which vitalasy also has a huge complex about, but that's less relevant in this fic specifically than the...thinking he deserves for vitalasy to hurt him & on some level he wants vitalasy to hurt him as a weird self-harm-by-proxy thing & therefore vitalasy is probably going to hurt him)

the song the title comes from is Estate Sale Sign by the Mountain Goats. it's one of my #1 eclipse federation songs, tbh it's also one of my #1 s4 zam songs in general--i also am fond of it for team awesome. the title, though--that's all eclipse fed. they are all martyring themselves. they have all either banned themselves off or seriously considered it. they remember loving each other and now they still love each other but they are giving away that love. mm. [i remember when we loved each other day and night//and high above the water/the eagle spots the fish/every martyr in this jungle/is gonna get his wish]....man. also thinking about ["This is a song about, um, you may find it necessary to get rid of all your stuff, at some point."] and vitalasy burning all his stuff before his suicide. that's less relevant to the fic, though.

the series title is really funny to me. credit to angel qfitmc on tumblr for making this joke on hyperbeam chat and me cracking up every time i remember it. the thing is. while vitalasy and zam are being so fucking angsty and miserable about subz's suicide. subz IS playing dark souls. also elden ring. jump king. etc. bro killed himself in minecraft to become a variety streamer and i think that's beautiful. he's just chilling. this was of course epitomized when zam tried to bring him back but he was too busy playing dark souls and so he just Didn't. point is you don't have to stand at his grave and weep he is LITERALLY doing a pokemon nuzlocke run right now on twitch dot tv. unfortunately this is not stopping these two. from standing at his grave. and weeping