#And then OP began sobbing again and it went “Oh yeah

[dat-lil-shark]

Imagine in TF ONE, the Matrix does indeed have a spirit and consciousness, however even this spirit doesn’t know what the frag to do with Orion/Optimus. Cause all the other Primes in this version were born Prime, and Optimus is the first one to have a life before him and wasn’t prepared for this new life at all. (And also not counting the emotional trauma he got right after D-16’s betrayal). Even with the Matrix’s vast wisdom, this is still its first time trying to help a Prime in this circumstance. And it just had to first time parent itself through this.

Optimus: “Wisdom from Primus below, answer my call. How should I silence these thorny memory?”

The Matrix: “Uuhhhhh. Do you wanna nap?”

[salvatoreren]

I finally watched AOT's last episode and frankly, I am not okay, I have been sobbing a river oh my fucking god.

Anyways, it was really good, as expected of MAPPA anyway, I was pretty much crying the whole episode actually.

I have complaints, mostly because of the not included anime, little things like not having the flashbacks of Armin of reading a book in the rain, the squirrels etc. etc. I would have love to see them in the market and the way to the boy who sought freedom, goodbye was not implemented, I WAS WAITING FOR THAT COME ON

The anime only scenes were good too, like Levi giving food to the refugees, falco and gabi, i wish we saw their outfits tho, they slayed with that one.

the way they played 13 no fuyu, im killing myself, ive been listening to that shit since 2022 which mind you was when i was active once more in aot, the fucking flashbacks my god, that was so tragic RAHHH

i also saw aot's op, EREN WITH A BOW? EREN WITH A BOW!!! MIND YOU I JUST FINISHED WATCHING THE HUNGER GAMES SO IMMEDIATELY IM LIKE YES YES IT'S GIVING KATNISS EVERDEEN, WITH WHAT HIM BEING HUMANITY'S HOPE, ESP WITH THE FIRE COMING OUT OF IT FORMING A BIRD

THE SAME BIRD WE SAW ON S4 ENDING 1, oh my god, the opening was really cool omg, it perfectly showcased eren's journey, what he went through, despite being absent in the final chapters, it still showed Eren was still the protagonist...Which isayama did not understand when he made 139

Yes, I am bitter still with the ending, no, I am not hearing anyone out and no, I am not going to pour my disappointments with it STILL, here because yeah.

It's such a shame that's the last and final time we'll ever see it, devastating tragedy omg.

ARMIN AND EREN'S FINAL INTERACTION, IM GLAD THEY MADE THEM HOLD HANDS, THANK YOU MAPPA, PLS THE WAY THEY'LL BE TOGETHER FOREVER AND WILL BE WAITING FOR EACH OTHER IN HELL, GAGGED, IM DEAD, MY ROMAN EMPIRE FOR REAL

Now that's out of the way.

It's been a long and fun ride, regardless, the final season has been going for what three years, i've been with this series for three years, it was fun really it was, this series took such a simplistic and cliched approach then twisted into something more complex and truly gutwrenching. 2020 was nothing without AOT, in my opinion, watching AOT broadened my media consumption, yanked me into the anime world and i already have so many fandoms i'm in.

2020 was a hard time too, i couldn't have done it without this bloody series, god, i remember aboarding the train hype, everything was everywhere, fics, art, videos, memes etc. All those I read influenced my writing style, all those theories made me think more critically, those memes and videos of it made me laugh. It's funny how a series like this one comforted me so much.

I remember being so traumatized by the first episode i'm like who the fuck would ever like this series with this much blood and that night i immediately searched for eren fics because i was like who is this boy i like him, i fucking dreamt of the beast titan, all those nights racing with my sister who could finish the series first, i literally woke up at 4 just to watch it before she could.

Fucking terrified which of my favorite characters were going to die next, literally sobbing over armin's death, god and the mindfuck with Marley and Eldians and Subjects of Ymir in the fray oh my god.

Can I just say, I wouldn't be who I was without AOT? Even with my cynical behavior, it's all because of it.

2021 who i never fail to reiterate and think fondly is good because of AOT as well, I figured wow, the final season is coming back, I should rewatch it again and so the hyperfixation began, i was sick too, almost dying too actually, dengue is dangerous and it was just a fond memory because i was watching aot and i acted like i never had watch these scenes in my life and despite feeling like dying i felt okay.

I was so batshit crazy when part 2 came out, that was the one that was actually peak AOT don't lie, I was literally screaming like i was giving birth OVER AN OPENING AND AN ENDING, i'll never forget any of it.

When I cried watching the whole episode, it really just occurred to me that this is really the end for AOT, i was only ever able to go through it because I have the anime and it what really kept the whole fandom alive, the anime's honestly the reason why it had this many fans as you can see.

And again the way it's heartwrenching for it to just be a simple series and then it's full blown war, jean and reiner holding out to each other, remembering how they used to be close and comrades then betrayals and war happened and it's all ruined.

The devastating realization of seeing the last few panels animated, watching the end flash through the screen, realizing there was nothing out of this now, no more next episodes, no more hype, it's gone and it's so devastating because how happy it made you, the way you'll never see these characters again, only in rewatches or art. But it's not the same.

I admit I don't feel as hyperfixated over it now, after getting burnt out of it last year, even good things go badly sadly and i was just here for eren now, but doesn't change the fact this series has nurtured my quarantine, i grew up with this series even if it was only recent, who changed the trajectory of my life and had me find my paths.

I'll never forget these characters who made my life, who brought life to the story, even if they were just moved by the plot now, i'll always have a soft spot for AOT, i will always love it, regardless how much i hate it, there will always be fondness within it.

It's kind of weird, really to see Levi who has done so much to the fandom just by existing and being drawn and animated now cease to exist? I suppose, looking at him feels weird like imagine comparing 2014 levi to 2023 levi now omg, that's where you really begin to realize how much time has passed and how much AOT has evolved AGAIN JKSDHJ

well, i'm still on eren's side, still hate what happened to him but i'll always love him, he is such an important character to me, i don't think i truly ever loved someone like him despite representing the total opposite of me, he just had that charm i suppose, his views are so hauntingly beautiful, idealistic, him representing hope, despite what he did, in the end he did what he could for himself and for his people IN MY HUMBLE ONION

eren yeager i'll always love you

i'm kinda scared what would happen to this fandom now, will it die now? Will it live? I doubt, I haven't even finished my eren fic and lol, either way i hope someone will still enjoy AOT, i hope still there will be new watchers.

This is long but this is just how I really feelt about AOT which I wholeheartedly do love and cherish with all the memories and the pain it gave.

Thank you Isayama for this world, for these characters, for these mindblowing revelations about war, life and freedom, for the heartaches and the joy.

Thank you WIT for raising AOT and truly breathing life to it, for garnering fans for it to be more appreciated.

Thank you MAPPA for continuing WIT's legacy, you are not the same but still delievered, thank you for carrying the final season and the fandom on your back, may you sleep well and have your deserved pay.

Thank you for the voice actors who breathed those memorable lines to be used in edits.

Thank you Linked Horizon for coming back, aot was iconic because of your openings.

Thank you AOT for everything.

[indiee19]

She's Not Nice

Alex Turner x reader

Summary: You comfort (SIAS!) Alex after he and his girlfriend break up.

word count: 1.2k

warnings: ending of relationship, sad in some parts, that's it though :)

a/n: not me posting only like three or four days after already posting two things. but, this is probably going to be very rare for another two weeks, because, you know, college and work.

✿✼:*ﾟ:༅｡.｡༅:*･ﾟﾟ･⭑ ✿✼:*ﾟ:༅｡.｡༅:*･ﾟﾟ･⭑

You were just sat on the couch watching a movie when you heard your phone ring and you leaned over to get it off of the coffee table. Alex was calling you.

"Hello ... Alex?" you said, silence on the other side of the phone. You heard sniffling and quiet whimpers. Was he crying? And if so, what for, he never cried. "Are you okay? Alex?"

"H-Hey, love. C-Can I come over?" he said, more sniffling was heard and now you were worried for him.

"Uh, yeah sure. But, are you okay, what's wrong?" you answered but as soon as you said yes he hung up.

He was in his car, racing to your house which was, thankfully, only five minutes away. On the way, he was crying even more, his face tear stained and his eyes were all red. He arrived at your house not long after the call and you heard a knock on your door and rushed to answer it, wanting to make sure that Alex was okay. And as soon as you opened the door, Alex stepped forward and fell into your arms, sobbing into your shoulder. "Hey, hey, shh, shh, Alex. What's wrong, Al?" you asked, holding him tightly in your arms as you helped him walk over to your couch and you sat down, Alex immediately went back to burying his head in your shoulder, crying even more.

"S-She ... she b-broke up ... she broke up with m-me," he sobbed and stuttered, couldn't get the words out of his mouth.

"Who broke up with you?" you asked, hoping it wasn't who you thought it was, hoping that it was just a misunderstanding on your part. But your hopes were quickly let down whenever he blurted out her name. Oh, shit. He loved her more than anything, would do anything for her, hell, he even wrote amazing, heartfelt songs about her. And this is what she does, breaks his heart. You held him closer, tighter, didn't want to let him go right now and he didn't want you to let him go as he sobbed harder.

"D-Do you think that ... think that I did something wrong?" he asked and about ten minutes of complete and utter silence.

"What? No, of course not. You're an amazing person ... kind, funny, loving, handsome. If anyone did something wrong, it's her," you explained, kissing the op of his head gently.

"A-Are you sure?" he asked, so unsure of the compliments that you gave him, his confidence that took a long time for him to so carefully construct was now gone, completely wiped from existence until he built it back up again.

"Yes, Alex, I'm positive that you did nothing wrong," you said, trying to comfort him the best you could.

"Okay," he said in the most quiet tone possible, tears still streaming down his face. You hated seeing him like this, and though you and his ex were good friends before, you just knew that you'd hate her for the rest of your life for hurting him, for breaking his heart. And the only thing that ran through your mind right now was, 'How could she have done this to an amazing, sweet, loving boy like Alex?'

"Alex, do you maybe want to go upstairs and take a bath?" you asked him. he looked up at you and faintly nodded. "Okay. I'll go get the water running so that it can warm up while you stay down here, okay?" you said.

As you went to stand up, Alex grabbed your hand and pulled you back down on the couch with him. "No, please don't leave me," he said as he held you tightly.

"Okay, I won't. But do you want to come with me to turn on the bath water?" you responded. He nodded and you both stood up and began to walk down the hallway and up the stairs to the bathroom beside your bedroom. "Okay, Alex, sit down while I turn on the bath," you said. He sat down and you kneeled down beside the bath, turning on the water.

Once it was half full, you turned off the water and stood up and turned around to face Alex. "You can get undressed and then get in the bath, Al," you said.

"Okay. Thank you, love," he said as he stood up, and right as he removed his shirt you walked out. It wasn't like you hadn't seen him without clothes before, but you wanted to give him privacy and wanted to give him space, wanted him to be left alone with his thoughts.

You went to your bedroom and laid down on your bed. You decided to check your phone, seeing that Alex's ex had posted a photo. She was at a party with her friends, not looking like she was just as hurt as Alex. In fact, it looked like she was hanging out with another guy, and it was almost like she had completely forgotten about Alex. You wanted to comment under it, ask her where Alex was even though you knew, but you bit your tongue and just simply blocked her instead.

A few minutes later you heard the bath water drain and Alex walked into your bedroom with a pair of sweatpants that he'd left here a while ago. "Do you want to go to bed, Alex," you asked and he nodded once again. You now truly believed that he'd lost his voice from how much and how hard he cried, and you also believed that it would take him forever to move on from her, after all, he was going to propose to her.

He laid down beside you and quickly got under the covers with you, cuddling up to your side for warmth and so you didn't have to see how red his eyes were again, so you didn't have to see more tear stains, didn't want you to see that he was crying again, but you did. "Hey, Alex, it's okay, it's okay. I'm right here," you said calmly.

"Why did she leave me if there's nothing wrong with me?" he sobbed into your neck.

"I don't know, Alex. But she's an idiot and an awful person for breaking your heart, but I promise you that you did nothing wrong and there's nothing wrong with you," you replied, wrapping your arms around him and you lightly stroked his hair.

"A-Are you sure?" he asked, stuttering. You once again assured him before he finally began to calm down. "Do you want to go to bed now, Alex?" you asked him as he started to slightly snore.

"Yeah, I'd like that, love," he said quietly and you turned off your lamp, letting Alex cuddle up to your side, trying to get as close to you as possible. Whenever he would be sad or heartbroken, he would always like to be close to someone, wanted to make sure that they'd be there to comfort him at any time. And right now, you were that person for him.

[applepi-1]

Sleep over?

Akira x you

Summary: You get into a fight with your parents and you headed to Akira's house, who is your crush, who you are sure he hates you.

ENjoy

Y/n-Your name

-1558 words-

--

You paced back and forth as the rain fell around you. Sighing while rubbing your face, letting your fist hover over the door. Before you could blink you felt your body betray you and knocked. After a few seconds, you began to panic and pace back and forth again. Hugging your arms closer to you. "Uh, Y/n?" You looked at him as he opened the door.

"I... I'm sorry, it's late, I know. But... I... I don't even know what I'm doing here." You went to turn around but his mom came over.

"Who's this? Come in dear, it's freezing outside." She didn't really give you a choice as she wrapped your arms rubbing them. "You're freezing." She closed the door behind her, Akira followed you. "Hunny, can you make some hot chocolate."

"Or no, it's fine. I don't want to intrude." His mother rolled her eyes rubbing your arms.

"Right, you came for Akira, right? Love, take her to your room give her a shirt or something, Honey, make the hot chocolate, we'll bring it up, or Akira can bring it to you."

"Thank you, Mrs. Kunimi." The woman smiled at you before you followed the boy upstairs, they didn’t even allow you to take your shoes off.

"Take what you want, I'll go get the hot chocolate." You sighed before turning to his closet, seeing a long sleeve shirt. Slipping off yours, you immediately put on the long sleeve shirt. You looked in the mirror sighing. What are you doing here? At your crush's house, in his clothes, when you know he hates you. You sighed again remember the first day y'all met.

--

You stretched and looked around the class. Your eyes landing on a boy who looked incredibly bored. You threw a piece of paper at him making him look at you. You stuck out your tongue and he gave you a blank look. Hmp, rude. You threw another piece of paper making him sigh and look at you again. You smiled widely at him catching him off guard a little before it turned back to a blank look. Hmp. 'I'm (Y/n).' You mouthed making him give you a look. 'I don't care.' You rolled your eyes as he turned around, you threw another piece of paper at him. You saw him sigh loudly and look at you. You gave a small smile, he mouthed, 'It's Akira.' You smiled in success. But he just turned around making you pout.

--

Since then, you tried talking to him, but you'd notice he'd immediately stop taking and ignores you. At first, you thought it was because he was shy, but then you'd notice him talking to other players, just not you. To say it hurt was an understatement. "Looks good on you." You jumped turning around seeing Akira with a cup in his hand.

"Thanks... for the hot chocolate." You took and sipped it, exhaling at the hotness.

"If you don't mind me asking, why are you here?" You sighed placing it on his nightstand before sitting on his bed.

"I guess I owe you an explanation." You sighed rubbing your legs.

"Yeah. Kind of."

"I... I got into it again with my parents. They want me to be like my sister."

"Isn't she the school slut?"

"Yeah, she is. Which is what I asked my parents. And they yelled at me, saying not to say rude things about her." You bit your lip looking down. "Doesn't matter that I'm... the smartest kid at the school, or that I'm doing great things. TO them, it's... pointless. To me, it's not. I rather open a book than open my legs. But to them, they wish I was... different..."

"And it doesn't help that the guy you like... hate you, right?" You looked up at him, confused. "I heard Atsumu and Osamu mention it. Once or twice."

"Yeah... that fact doesn't help." You sighed and let out a shaky breath. "I'm sorry for being here, I don't want to intrude, it's just. I heard the twins mention you lived nearby, and my dad... he... he found out I was texting Atusma and..." You froze looking down at your legs. "And... uh, he..." You felt tears fall at the memory.

--

“You want me to be like your daughter? She’s the biggest slut in the school.”

“Excuse me, you will not talk about your sister, like that.”

“Why?”

“If she’s the slut, then who’s Atsuma and Osuma.” You looked at your mom and scoffed.

“You go through my phone?”

“Well, duh.”

“Why?”

“Because we can. Are you sleeping with them?”

"I’m not having sex or seeing either of them." You yelled quietly.

"Quit lying!" He marched over to your phone, throwing it at the wall, but that was just the beginning. He began knocking anything in his path to the floor including our family photos. You have no clue what to do when he picked up an expensive glass vase.

"D-Dad, please stop!" You pleaded as you watched him throw it to the floor, glass shards flying everywhere. "I said stop." You snapped pulling him away from picking up a picture frame. His eyes met yours and softened a little. "Please." He turned his head away from you. "I swear I'm not sleeping with them." You cried you looked to where he was looking, seeing an old photo of you and the volleyball players at the beginning of school. He shoved you forcefully causing you to hit your head on the ground, missing glass that littered the floor in inches.

"You deserve to rot in hell. Get the hell out of my house!”

You stammered to your feet away glass cutting all different places of your almost bare feet. You opened the front door leave at 10 pm, only knowing one house nearby. You sobbed, slipping on your shoes, and left the house.

--

And now here you are, in Akira’s home. He listened closely as you told him the story. He looked down at your shoes and slipped them off, you hissed as your fresh cuts hit the cold air. “Shit, Y/n.” He ran to his bathroom and wetted a rag. He worked in silence, you let out a hiss every now and then, other than that, it was extremely quiet. He hates you... you hate you. You hate that part of you was scared... how he'd react. When he was done, he didn't bother to look up at you “How long…?” You barely heard him.

“Uh, a couple of months, now…” Since your sister became a senior she’s never been home. She doesn’t know what they do when you don’t meet their goals.

“Why didn’t you tell someone?” He looked up at you finally, you wiped the tears and laughed.

“I did… my dad paid them off. I-I’m sorry I came here… I just… had nowhere else to go, and… god, I hate people seeing me cry…” He watched as you wiped your tears, laughing slightly.

“You still look beautiful, even when you cry.” You stopped moving, looking down at him confused.

“I… Sorry, what?” He placed his hands on your hips, looking you in the eye, but before he could speak, you let out a giggle.

“Are you ticklish?”

“No.” You tried to sound strong but you ended up in a fit of giggles. He smirked to himself before tickling you again. “Aki-ah-ra. St-ah-op.” He laughed along with you, you slid your hands up his shirt trying to push him off, but you both ended up stopping. You looked up at him as your hands rested on his toned abs. Shit. His hand was somewhat under your shirt, resting on your ribs. “Akira…” He looked down at your lips then at your eyes.

“Y/n…” You flicked between his eyes than his lips as he slowly leaned down. You met him halfway, kissing him softly. His hand squeezing your side before trialing down to your thigh, lifting it a little. You never thought you’d be in this position when you knocked on his door. You sighed into the kiss as he began to trail sloppy kisses down your neck.

“Fuck….” He smirked against your neck before sucking on it. “Ah, Akira…” You brought your legs around his hips forcing his hips to hit yours. He let out a low groan.

“Damn…” He brought his mouth to your ear nibbling on it. “Let me show you how a guy treats a girl they like.” You felt your cheeks heat up, he likes me? Before you could think, his lips met yours again.

“Love, oh.” He pulled away quickly sitting up, you turned your head in embarrassment. “I just brought you some snacks, I’m leaving.” She laughed and walked out the door.

“Sorry about her…” You didn’t meet his eyes. “Ah, look. The guy you like is an idiot.” Did he just call himself an idiot? You laughed lightly. “What, I'm being serious. He is an idiot. How can he not like you? You’re like the prettiest girl in our grade, not scratch that, in our school. And you’re like super smart, and kind. It’s hard being around you and… not being able to kiss you.” You looked at him slightly shocked, is that why he ignored you? “It’s kind of why I avoided you. It was hard being around you especially after you told the twins about your crush…” You leaned up, crashing your lips to his.

“You’re the guy I like, Akira, it was always you.” He looked down at you and smiled, he actually smiled.

“Well then, would you be mine?”

“I thought you’d never ask.”

[peggyrose19]

Everything is Falling Apart - Part 3

I’m trying to not make this as angsty and give it a maybe happy ending? but as mentioned I have no control over these characters, I let them do what they want. Also straight up don’t realize how painful my writing is until people tell me, so. There’s that. Moving on. This whole thing ended up a lot longer than I ever intended it to be, but I’m not mad about it. Writing angst is fun. All of your wails and cursings of my name have been quite amusing to me. Am I a horrible person for that? It’s possible. Whatever. Hopefully this will be the last part, at least I’m intending it to be. If it’s not I’m mildly afraid @im-oknutzy-trash will kill me. She says I need to go back to writing fluff instead. I guess she doesn’t enjoy having her heart destroyed. *shrug* love you Hannah! 

Also, can you tell I’m not from New York? I’ve been a handful of times, so I did my best. No, I did absolutely no research since most of this was written in bed when I was supposed to be sleeping or during class when I was supposed to be paying attention. 

Characters belong to the amazing amazing @lumosinlove, AU is Clandestine by my fav @heyitssmiller, and shout out to @awanderingdeal for the cactus name! Thank you for that. Hope you all enjoy and don’t cry too hard. As always, leave a comment and I’ll love you forever. 

“Logan?”

The voice shook him from his thoughts.  

“Yes,” he blurted out. Finn frowned. “I mean no. Yeah, no. Wait, fuck- argh.” He stopped, taking a deep breath. “I mean, I won’t run away from you, not this time. You’re right, that was… that was not good of me to do.” He ran a hand through his hair, searching for what to say. “Merde, I didn’t think it’d be this hard.”

“Lo.” Finn reached across the table and laid a hand over Logan’s. “It’s okay, really.”

He sighed. “No, it’s not. I hurt you. Badly. And I’m really sorry for that. You- you didn’t deserve that.” 

“It’s alright. I hurt you too, I know I did.”

“Finn, no you didn’t.” Logan shook his head. “You were nothing but good to me, and I just left. I left you in that apartment with all of Leo’s things still there and all those memories of us, of him. I left. And you might have forgiven me, but I haven’t forgiven myself for that.” 

Finn bit his lip, unsure how to respond. 

“It was really hard,” he admitted finally. 

“What did you do with all his stuff?”

“It’s in a storage locker. I couldn’t bear to go through it all.”

“D’you-” Logan stopped himself. 

“What?”

“Do you think we could go through it together? I just… I don’t have anything of Leo’s anymore. And I don’t want to forget him. Please?”

Finn took a shaky breath. “Yeah. Yeah, we can do that.” 

“Okay. Thank you.”

“You really mean it? That you’ll stay this time? Because I really want that.”

“Yeah. I mean it.” 

It was a few days before Logan saw Finn again. He spent his time wandering New York City, exploring the place Finn had grown up. It was fascinating to imagine him as a little boy with his bright hair, scurrying about the city with his older brother, causing mischief and giving his parents brain aneurysms. 

When Finn called him, it was Wednesday afternoon and he was in his hotel room, staring aimlessly at the television.

“Hey.” 

Logan swallowed. “Hey.” 

“So, uh, I’ve got some time tomorrow, if you wanna, you know… “

“For the storage locker?”

“Yeah, that. Um, I can meet you there or we can head over together. Best way to get there is by train.”

“I-” Logan thought for a moment of all the things he hadn’t gotten to say yet. “I’ll go with you, if that’s alright with you.”

“Yeah. Yeah, that’s fine. Okay. Good. I’ll uh, I’ll send you the details tonight.”

“Okay. I’ll uh, I’ll see you then, I guess.” 

“See you.” 

After Finn had ended the call, Logan sat for a long time. It had been like this every time they talked, a strange feeling of the past, present, and future all colliding together into one. He wasn’t quite sure what to do with it. 

When Logan reached the train station the next day, Finn was there waiting for him, glasses perched on his nose. He stopped for a moment as images flashed through his mind. Finn peering over his shoulder at the mission outline, glasses slipping down his nose. Logan reaching up and pushing them back on. Finn taking his contacts out at the end of each long day, blinking away the dryness in his eyes. Late nights with the three of them sprawled on the couch, all tangled limbs and soft kisses as they relaxed into each other, knowing they were home. 

Logan blinked back to reality. That was the past, he told himself firmly. It would do no good to dwell over something that couldn’t happen again. Shaking his head at himself, Logan crossed to Finn, coming to a halt at his side.

“Hi.” 

Finn jumped a bit. “Hey. You snuck up on me.”

“What kind of spy are you, if you’re that easy to scare?”

“Excuse you, I am an excellent spy. I’ll have you know I won Brad three years in a row.” 

Logan laughed. “How could I forget. You still have it?”

Finn looked affronted. “Of course I do! What kind of question is that?”

“Oh, sorry. Of course you do, why did I think otherwise?”

Fin was saved from having to respond by the loud horn of a train as it approached the station. It came to a stop with a hiss and the doors opened. 

“This is us,” Finn said, and they boarded, finding seats together near the back. It was quieter there, with fewer people.

They didn’t talk the whole way there. Logan sat in silence, searching for something to say, but he came up with nothing. What does one say to the boy they used to love? 

When they reached their stop, nerves suddenly bloomed in Logan’s chest. He hadn’t really thought too hard about what they were doing, more focused on Finn sitting beside him. But as they walked the few short blocks to the storage facility, his stomach began to churn. The building loomed before them, making Logan’s heart race.

“I-” He froze. Finn glanced back at him.

“Hey, Lo,” he said gently, walking back and grabbing his hand. “The moment you want to leave, we will. It’ll be okay. I’m right here with you.” 

Logan took a deep breath. Finn always seemed to know what to say. He looked up at Finn’s worried eyes and gave him a small nod. Still holding hands, the two entered the building. 

“I can’t believe we’re actually doing this,” Finn said quietly as they stood before the opened door of the storage unit. Logan clung to his hand. 

As one, they stepped inside. 

Finn grabbed the first box and tugged it open, Logan still at his side. 

“This should have his clothing,” he said, reading the label on the inside flap. He was right; inside were piles of Leo’s old shirts and sweatpants, a few pairs of jeans, some hoodies. Logan pulled out a sweatshirt, soft and faded, one from Leo’s high school, his favorite. He pressed it to his face.

“It doesn’t smell like him anymore,” he murmured. Finn didn’t say anything. He moved onto another box. Logan pulled Leo’s sweatshirt over his head. It went down to his knees. 

“Look at this,” Finn said, looking into the box he’d just opened. Inside were stacks of pictures. 

“You didn’t keep these?” Logan asked, pulling one out. It was the three of them in the park by their apartment, bundled against the cold and leaning into each other, taken by a kind passer-by. The picture had sat on the mantel. Logan had looked at it every day and thought about how lucky he was. 

“No. They just made me sad.” Finn pulled out an envelope, full of unframed photographs. He laughed a little as he began sorting through them. “Remember this?”

In his hand was a series of mugshots of the two of them, nearly unrecognizable in their disguises, both fighting a grin.

Logan snorted. “Do I ever. I kissed you for the first time that night.”

Finn smirked. “I nearly lost my mind when you did that.” 

“So did I.” 

They fell silent again as Finn kept looking at the pictures and Logan moved further into the room. He wasn’t really looking for much, just skimming the labels on the boxes and things left out. But one gave him pause. It was smaller, labelled “Leo Trinkets” in Finn’s neat handwriting. Curious, Logan opened it. 

Inside were, in fact, trinkets. As Logan began sorting through them, he started to recognize them. A small rock he’d found on an op, the same color as Leo’s eyes. Cooking stickers he’d found on a bike ride, the ones Leo said were too precious to ever use. The rainbow mug he’d bought for pride month, Leo’s name in cursive on the side. 

He dug deeper and deeper into the box, a new memory surfacing with each item. Every small trinket or bobble he’d ever gotten for Leo, placed lovingly in this small box. Logan didn’t notice he was crying until his tears fell onto the novel he was holding, the first-edition copy of Leo’s favorite book he’d found for his birthday. 

“You okay?” Finn asked quietly, setting a hand on his shoulder.

Logan sobbed, “I can’t believe he kept all this. I can’t believe you kept it.”

“Of course I kept it,” Finn sniffed. “We kept everything you ever gave us.” 

“Really?”

“Yes. Everything you gave me is in a box in my apartment. Some of it is still out. Like that funny little cactus you got me. I named it Sir Prick-a-Lot.“

Logan gave him a little smile. “Of course you named it something stupid.”

“Ah! Rude.”  When Logan didn’t answer, Finn’s smile faded. He was still staring down at the book in his hands.“Do you wanna bring that stuff back with you?” he asked. Logan just nodded.

Carefully, they packed everything back up, adding a few other things to the box; a few pictures, some of his old clothes. A little while later, they shut the lights off, leaving everything else for another day. 

On the train ride home, Logan held his box close to his chest. Finn sat beside him, their shoulders and knees pressed together. They didn’t say anything.

Logan thought of all the things he’d wanted to say. But maybe not all of them needed to be said. He looked over at Finn, then down at the box in his arms. He didn’t want to forget, to move on. He missed them. And he knew he couldn’t get Leo back. But maybe he could get Finn back, even just as a friend. He was tired of being alone. 

“Finn?”

“Yeah.”

“I still love you, too.”

[raistorm]

“Love’s Seeping From the Guns”

——————————————————————

All Yang could hear was ringing, a deafening ringing in her ears.

The world blurred in and out, spinning and spinning, and she grasped at the singed earth, trying to make the horizon level once more.

She could barely make out the writhing forms of Juane, Ren, and Oscar beside her, similarly afflicted by the aftermath of the explosion. Winter and the Ace Ops indeed dropped the payload just as they managed to rescue Oscar. They were approaching the opening of the whale’s mouth when it hit, and Oscar’s (rather, Ozpin’s) semblance activated, causing time to slow down.

They’d managed to run far enough from the beast to save their lives before Oscar’s aura depleted completely. But they were still caught in a devastating blast.

Yang, on her hands and knees, only registered warm liquid pouring down the side of her face when she saw the blood pooled on the ground in front of her. She fell to her elbows. If the ground would just stop moving she could get up. Get up, the voice inside her yelled. Back and white forms roiled around her as the Grimm and Atlesian army battled on, forcing her to retain a sense of urgency, to stay conscious.

She pushed up from an elbow, willing her muscles to cooperate, but they felt like jelly. Exhaustion settled over her body, tempting her eyes closed, to rest, to let go. It would be easy. To just sleep. She was equal parts weightless and heavy.

But sounds began to come back.

Growling, snarling, guns blasting, shouting, scuffling.

A voice, familiar, started far off but came closer and closer as she kept trying to push her body up, using arms that just wouldn’t listen to her.

“Yang!”

It was Blake.

A solid pair of arms wrapped around her. The metallic click of weapons unfurling, the sickening crunch of bones, and more familiar voices told her Ruby and Weiss had begun to fend off the Grimm around them.

Relief overcame her and she sunk into the embrace. Blake was crying, begging her to stay awake, to “stay with me, Yang, stay with me… open your eyes, we have to get out of here!”

Yang drifted deeper into trance, partly comforted by Blake’s presence and partly helpless to the sweet temptation of unconsciousness by now. She’d been fighting for so long…

Blake shook her shoulders and said loudly and firmly, “Yang. Wake up.”

Light seared through her half-lidded eyes as Blake’s golden, tear-filled gaze blinked into view. Is time still moving in slow motion? She thought. I really wish Blake would stop crying.

From the corner of her dimming periphery, she could see her own metal hand reaching up to cup Blake’s cheek before she could even remember commanding it to do so, so she allowed her fingers to brush Blake’s tears away.

She wanted to say she was trying; she wanted to tell her that it was all going to be okay, that…

Lips pressed against her own.

Blake was kissing her.

Yang’s eyes flew open as a new rush of adrenaline roared through her veins. She pulled in a sharp breath, energy surging through her like lightning. Suddenly, she had command of her body again, and she grasped Blake’s face like a lifeline, returning the searing kiss.

Blake pulled away to release a ragged sobbing breath. “You idiot,” she said, before surging forward to recapture Yang’s lips.

Yang half-laughed, half-sobbed, and pulled Blake in by her shoulders, wrapping her arms all the way around her torso. Fire ignited under her skin as they shuddered between kisses, the sobs gently subsiding as they both rediscovered solid ground in each other.

Still dizzy and reeling from almost passing out and being suddenly reinvigorated, Yang pulled away to refocus on the golden eyes of her partner. Blake’s watery smile became her anchor to reality.

“You scared the hell out of me, Yang,” she said, voice cracking, a bit of Yang’s blood smudged on the corner of her lip. Yang wiped it away with the pad of her thumb.

“Baby…”

Weiss’s voice cut through their little world, “As happy as we all are for you two, we have to go! I don’t care if we have to carry you, but we can’t keep holding off the Grimm!”

Blake whispered soft assurances in Yang’s ear as she helped the blonde stand up on wobbling legs. The gravity of their situation finally registered to Yang as the hordes of Grimm seemed to converge slowly around them. Behind her, Ruby and May struggled to support a deeply wounded Ren and an unconscious Oscar. Juane was standing, but was ghostly pale, blood and bruises covering his face.

How were they going to get off the battlefield? Half of them could barely walk, much less run. How was time still moving so slow, but so fast?

As if on cue, an airship whirred to a stop in front of them. The doors opened to reveal Qrow and Robyn, their disheveled and ragged forms echoed the appearances of the younger huntsman and huntresses. None of them got out unscathed these past forty-eight hours.

“Kids, come on. There’s nothing else we can do here,” Qrow rasped, wind whipping his matted hair. His eyes were more gaunt than usual.

“We have to go back to Weiss’s place to get everyone else,” Ruby said as she and May gingerly lifted Oscar onto the platform.

“Roger,” said Qrow, hopping down to lift Ren onto the ship.

With great effort and the help of Blake’s steady hands, Yang hoisted herself up and collapsed near the back wall, breathing heavily, blood still pouring from the gash on her forehead. She began to wonder if her disorientation was a side effect of Oscar’s time dilation. Events were moving quickly in retrospection but so slowly in the moment.

Suddenly Blake was by her side, fussing over the wound and searching for more. Yang watched her worry her lip as her hands passed over every inch of Yang’s form, gently, but frantic. Yang grabbed her hands and Blake’s eyes shot up to meet hers.

“I’ll be okay. I’m mostly tired and… rattled.”

“That’s a lot of blood, Yang,” she said, insistent.

Years of a rough and tumble lifestyle taught Yang that shallow gashes on the head were often more bark than bite, and bled a lot even if they weren’t life threatening. She relayed this to her partner, who nodded, though with a small look of disbelief on her face, and shifted to dress her head wound rather than keep looking for other wounds.

Soft murmurs around her indicated that the others were being looked after as well, and Yang began to slowly let herself relax, to feel safe for a moment, to be okay with the idea that while her friends may be hurt, they were alive, protected. When Blake was handed the first aid kit, Yang watched her expression tense in concentration as she wiped the blood from her face. Yang couldn’t help it, she gazed adoringly at her partner.

“I can feel you staring,” Blake said, the corner of her mouth quirking up in a smirk as she began the process of wrapping gauze around her forehead.

“I dunno, it feels like this is allowed now,” Yang rasped, the exhaustion in her voice even startling herself.

Blake’s eyes softened as she reached up to touch Yang’s jaw. The warmth of Blakes touch anchored Yang to something stable in a sea of disorientation and shock.

“It is,” she smiled mischievously, “but I seem to recall you staring at me like that a few times before… just… usually when you thought I wasn’t paying attention.”

Despite herself, Yang blushed, but was too tired to keep up the banter. “…Guilty.”

Concern flooded Blake’s expression again, but before she could speak, the airship landed.

“Stay here, I’m going to help carry the others back to the ship,” Blake said, and hesitated before leaning in and kissing her softly. It was just a quick brush of lips, but it was unexpected and sent Yang’s heart aflutter. Admiration and love filled Yang as she watched Blake hop off the ship. She couldn’t believe this was happening, briefly wondering if this was all a dream. Everything felt surreal. She looked at her hands and flexed her fingers, finding herself dying to touch Blake again already.

A forced cough made her look up to the raised eyebrow of her uncle and the shocked expression of Juane. Yang huffed in embarrassment and looked away, but didn’t have the energy to retort.

“Oh,” Juane said, mostly to himself, “that’s what she meant back at the cabin…”

Qrow chuckled and turned to look out at the night sky. “Good for you, kiddo.”

Yang let her head fall back against the cool metal wall of the ship before lolling it back over to Qrow. “Ha… yeah it’s… it just…” she began before a different thought crossed her mind. “Wait, where are we going? What happened… with everything?” It was still hard to form full sentences.

Qrow sighed and ran a hand through his hair before glancing at Robyn, who was sitting in the pilot’s seat.

“The whale isn’t dead, but Ironwood almost killed you anyway,” he said, malice seeping from his voice like icicles. “It’s just… out of commission for a while. Salem will have it nipping at the heels of every major city in Remnant before the week’s up.”

Robyn turned around. “We’re going to find a place to lay low for a few days to recover. Half of you kids are in bad shape.”

Yang sighed but couldn’t argue, “Ruby won’t be happy about that.”

“Yeah, but there isn’t much of a choice at the moment,” Qrow said, coming over to rest a hand on her shoulder. “Speaking of, you get some rest, Yang. You’ve done more than enough. I’m… I’m so proud of you. And I’m glad you’re okay. We all.. feared the worst for a moment.”

Tears welled up in Yang’s eyes before she said thank you, and allowed herself to shift into a somewhat comfortable position as Qrow went to open the door of the ship. Sounds began to drift back out of her consciousness, but she could hear the soft rustling of clothes as the others were lifted onto the ship, hushed whispers only lulled her closer to the edge of sleep.

She barely registered Blake’s warm body settle in next to hers as the engine of the airship whirred back to life, but she forced her eyes open once more.

“Yang…” Blake said, “It’s okay, you can go to slee—”

“—I love you,” Yang said, unable to hold it inside any longer. “Blake, I love you.”

Blake couldn’t hide a small gasp. There was a beat of silence.

Then Yang felt cool hands gingerly turn her face to meet warm golden eyes. Yang didn’t realize she was crying until Blake was wiping her tears way.

“I could’ve died today,” Yang whimpered, the reality hitting her like bricks. It made her blood run cold. “I would’ve never told you. I need to tell you now. I have to—“

Blake cut her off with a kiss, pulling her in deeply. When she pulled away she whispered, “Yang, I love you, too.” Blake kissed her again and Yang could only focus on her lips. “I love you.”

Tears streamed down both of their faces as they savored being alive and together and in love. There was so much more to say, so much more to talk about, but the preciousness of the moment transcended everything else. The truth was more glaring than ever, that tomorrow wasn’t guaranteed, they only had now. They had each other right now.

They fell asleep in each others’ arms, preparing to face an uncertain tomorrow.

Together.

[finn-ray-nal-beads]

BITCH YOU’RE BASICALLY AT 300 FOLLOWERS! SO GIMME PART 2 TO THAT PHILLIP ALTMAN BLURB YOU WROTE FOR ME YOU BEAUTIFUL BITCH!💖💖💖💖💖

A/N: BITCH I AM SO SORRY IT HAS TAKEN ME THIS LONG TO PUT THIS OUT. I HOPE YOUR WHORE ASS LOVES IT @historyandfandoms50

Warnings: obscene amounts of marital bliss and fluff, pussy eating, mentions of a blow job, domestic love, appliance fucking (if that’s even a thing), large amounts of smut, slight degrading language (only once or twice), nipple play, slight pain play

(Present time)

“Holy fuuu-cccc-kkiinggg shittttt, honey!” Crying out on top of the brand new washer and dryer combo you and Phillip just had delivered not even an hour ago. 

“Yeah babe?” he thrust his twitching cock into your squelching pussy, “you like it when I fuck you on our new shit?” 

You let out a sinful moan as the warmth from the heated dry cycle added to your already overstimulated senses, “God yes Phil, honey, I love it when you fuck me on things!” 

(A few hours earlier)

It was a lazy Sunday morning, you both had woken up the average way, Phillip nose deep in your wet pussy, licking kitten stripes to disturb your dreams. It was his favorite meal of the day, as he called it, tasting your wetness built up from the almost eight hours since he’d fucked you the night before. His cock weeping at its head from the no contact for that long as well. He got his fill as you unraveled around him within minutes of his assault on your throbbing hole, looking up at your blissed-out face. His goatee and mustache glazed like a donut, licking your sweet juices from it like a salve. 

After a well-placed blowjob to rid him of his morning wood, you both had fully gotten out of bed and went along with your day. He made a pot of coffee downstairs, while you showered and did your Sunday self-care routine. Slipping on your favorite leggings and t-shirt combo, you gathered all the dirty clothes from the week, placing them in the hamper after they had been sorted. You both were excited to finally have a washer and dryer in your house instead of dragging your clothes to the dry cleaners. The delivery would be here any minute and you wanted your laundry to be ready the second it was hooked up. You made the bed, fluffed the pillows, and headed downstairs with the hampers to drop them off in the mudroom before heading to the kitchen. 

Upon descending the flight, the smell of fresh brewed coffee and omelets filled the air, causing your eyes to roll back into your head. Your husband despite all of the behaviors he exhibited outside your shared home, had the best domestic side to him. He cooked, cleaned, and took care of you every second he could do so. He doted on you every chance he got to, bringing home your favorite flowers, bottles of expensive wines, exquisite lingerie, and sweets when he found your favorite vices. You were spoiled rotten by him, and of course, you treated him the same way. The love you both had for each other exceeded any kind of love you had been familiar with in the past. He was by all accounts the perfect match for you and you, to him, were his whole world and nothing more. Friends and family even saw the affections when you were around him, and they made every single point to be supportive and sometimes jealous at the sappy love you two had shared. 

You and he didn’t want to have it any other way though. He was your best friend by all accounts, and you would be satisfied if he was the only person you interacted with for the rest of your life. 

You walked into the kitchen after dropping loads of laundry off by the space for the new appliances and grabbed a cup out of the cabinet. 

“Hey babe,” he turned around, shirtless and in joggers, sipping some coffee himself, and turning an omelet over in a pan on the cooktop. 

You walked over after filling your cup and ran a hand up his enormous back, caressing the moles and freckles spotted all over the expanse of it, “hi honey,” you sang while lifting yourself on your tiptoes to kiss his cheek. He moved his face upon feeling your soft touch and wrapped his arm around to kiss you properly, only breaking when the eggs started to bubble. 

“Breakfast is ready, and I got a text that the truck will be here any second with the set,” he smiled into your puckered lips again, causing you to moan out in excitement. 

“Can’t wait,” you whispered, moving your hands to wrap around his thick middle, gripping the skin a little tighter than previous. 

“Oh babe,” he cooed, “is my little wife still not over what happened this morning?” he teased putting the spatula down and flipping the stovetop off bringing his large hands to grip your ass cheeks. 

“I just love you, so much honey,” you smiled running your hands up to his chest, leaving light nail marks on his tits. 

“I. Love. You. Too. Babe.” he punctuated on every kiss he left around your lips, cupping your heat in his palm. Just as things were about to get steamy, the doorbell chimed. 

(Just before the MAGIC)

“Thanks, guys!” Phillip waved off the installers while you immediately filled your new machine with the dirty darks you’d been saving. 

Flipping the unit on, you watched the majesty of your very own washer working to clean your garments, almost bawling at the thought of never seeing a coin-op machine again. 

“You like it, babe?” Phillip stood in the doorway of the laundry room, leaning to one side of it, admiring your curves as you bent down to grab the other hamper with the whites in it, easing up and setting it on the bench next to the dryer. 

Turning around glassy-eyed, you jumped into your handsome husband’s arms, “h-holy shit, Y/N!” 

“I love them, honey,” you almost sobbed into his naked neck, as he tightened his grip on your waist, causing your legs to choke his middle. 

“I’m so glad babe,” he pet your damp hair, moving it out of the way so he could pepper your perfect neck with kisses. 

His soft lips sent a shiver down your spine, causing a whimper to spill out of your mouth. He took that as a sign and began sucking perfect welts along the length of it, the colors growing darker and darker the more he trailed downward. 

“God I love it when you whine like that,” he growled into your ear, biting the delicate flesh, causing you to look up from your hiding spot. You enveloped his swollen lips in a searing kiss, his hands gripping your ass once again as your arms fell behind his head, tangling your digits in his hair. 

He moved to set you on top of the new dryer, letting go of your cheeks and moving up to your perky tits hidden behind your t-shirt. You had forgone a bra for the day, so the access was simple. He snuck his large hands around each tit, twisting your nipples in his rough fingers, causing you to cry out again. 

“Fuck, Phil,” you gasped as he pinched your hardening buds, “I need you, honey.” 

“Oh ya?” he smirked, kissing your clothed tits, taking in your scent, “you need me to do what baby?” 

He twisted them again, this time with a little more fervor, “O-oh fuck-k!” you wailed out. 

“Use your words honey, or I’ll leave you alone,” he taunted at your pained face pleading for him. 

“I-I need y-you to fuck m-me,” you said with tears streaming down your face. 

He hushed you, rubbing the wetness away, coming in between your legs to rub his hardened cock on your clothed pussy. 

“Take your pants off love, or I’ll rip them off,” as he turned the dial on the dryer, to a cycle. 

You squirmed your leggings off, baring your nude and throbbing cunt to his eager eyes, “so wet for me, baby,” licking his lips as he turned the machine on. 

The vibrations from the dryer sending shockwaves through your aching clit, you set yourself back on your elbows, exposing more of your mound to your husband’s eyes. He pulled his pants down, palming his angry cock and lining it up with your entrance. 

He grabbed both sides of your hips, sinking his dick into your wetness, the both of you collectively moaning in complete pleasure. He held himself still, admiring your writhing around from his dick pulsing inside you and the vibration from the dryer underneath. You looked utterly delicious, and his hunger to make you come spurred him into a frenzied series of animalistic thrusts. 

(Back to present time)

Balls slapping up against your little asshole, your elbows propped burning from the sensation of rubbing against the top of the dryer, you scooted yourself forward removing your top as he adjusted his angle to fit your needs. Your bouncing tits at his eye level, he took one in his mouth sucking as hard as he could. Your hands weaving into his head in a death grip as he mercilessly fucked you for all he had. 

“G-god baby,” he stammered, “I’m s-so f-fucking c-close.” 

“Fuck-k b-babe,” you moaned out over the many noises, “s-so am I.” 

His hand moved from your tit to your aching clit, rubbing his thumb in tight circles over it. Your pussy tightening around his cock as he sent you into a blissful orgasm. 

“Jesus fuckin’ C-Christ honey,” you cried out, milking your sweet nectar on his pulsing cock. He thrust in and out a few more times, the overstimulation from your hole throbbing around his member sending him into his release too. 

“God, babe,” he growled out coating your insides with his seed, “You are so fuckin’... beautiful,” he whined out on the final release of his remaining spend. 

Just then, the dryer alarm rang, signaling the end of the cycle he’d set. You both looked up connected still and looking utterly fucked, and laughed out loud. 

“Well,” you patted his back, “at least now we know how long we have until the dry cycle is over!” 

He chuckled, helping you down from the machine, and handing you your leggings, “indeed we do honey.” 

He swatted your bare ass bent over looping your feet through the legholes, to which you stood at attention and smacked his bare chest. He put his hands in the air if he hadn’t touched you ever, and you rushed into his body in a bear hug, or a ‘baby bear hug’ as he liked to call it. 

“I love you,” you kissed into his little tuft of hair on his sternum. 

“I love you most,” he snaked his arms around you, kissing your head and rubbing your back. You both left the mudroom, changing the laundry as the day went by. 

Now, the new tradition you had both agreed on was every new big thing bought for the house had to be ‘christened’, making buying things a little more fun in the future. 

You fell asleep that night curled up in Phillip’s embrace, stroking his every feature on his sweet face as he was lulled off by your presence. All you could do was smile and think about which shiny new thing you all were desperate for next. You’d ponder it more when you didn’t feel so tired from gazing at your sleeping husband. The last thing you saw was his precious freckles fade into your memories as you drifted off. 

_____________

PHILLIP FUCKING US ON ANYTHING IS HOT AS FUCK LIKE NO CAP. I REALLY HOPE THIS TICKLED YOUR PICKLE BABE. 

🖤,

ray-nal-beads 

[pieces-by-me]

For Them

Words: 1868

Warnings: angst, mention of death, tears?

Summary: Having Thomas bring back hope for you when you couldn’t see any. Deep conversations on a beach.

'What now?'

That one question buzzed around your head for the last couple of weeks. Almost all the people you loved and called family were dead.

Alby, your leader for the longest time. Your brother, even if not by blood, sacrificed himself. You knew him the longest, because when he was in the maze alone for the first month you came up with the supplies. Imagine the shock on both of your faces when you slowly realized that you had to fight everyday to survive and on top of that being the only girl for almost three years. But you two stuck together threw everything. God you missed him tremendously.

Dean, the one that always made you smile even when you were about to give up hope. He was one of the builders and he made sure that your room in the shack was always draft free. He got impaled by one of the Grievers when all of you were fighting at the cliff. You could still hear his screams.

Chuck, the little ray of sunshine. He was the youngest and smallest out of all of the boys and he was only there for a month. You weren't that close to him, him being a Slopper and you a med jack made conversations and interactions rare. But when you found time you cherished these moments. He was so pure and unsoiled. It was refreshing.

Winston. Poor Winston. Surviving the Glade and everything else WICKED threw at them just to get infected by a virus that slowly ate him alive and turned him into something else. You would never get the image of him crawling towards the gun with pleading words of death out of your head. You didn't know what was worse. The images of him or the heartbreaking sound of a gunshot silencing everything else as you left him behind. You knew it was what he wanted but still it broke your heart.

So many other boys that you loved and cherished had similar stories.

Kaleb who didn't make it back in time and got crushed between the maze doors.

Sam who got thrown off the cliff while you all were fighting.

Jeff, your fellow med jack, who got electrocuted by lightning.

Max, Ben, Steven, John, George, Leo, Pyke, Aaron, Rick, Alex, Newt.... Oh god Newt.

This sweet soul that just wanted for his family to be save and got tortured and mangled until he couldn't go on anymore. All because of WICKED. Always WICKED. The picture of the knife that stuck inside his torso. The eyes that weren't sparkling with light but glazed over with nothingness . The hair that stuck in wild places because of the sweat and blood. Veins that run up his whole body and looked like snakes that slowly strangled him. The blood...

“Hey Y/N!”

Only now did you realize that you had been crying.

“Hey I've been calling your name all the way over her...are you okey?”

Thomas was slowly walking towards your hunched figure that sat on the beach. He didn't realize that you had been trapped inside your own mind until he was in front of you and saw the tears running down your face.

You were glad that Thomas interrupted your dark thoughts. Everyone on the Island, this so called “Save Haven”, was sometimes trapped in their own heads and if you're unlucky it wasn't so easy to break free from the gloomy images paying on loop in your head. With shaky hands, that just wouldn't stop trembling, you hastily wipe away the tears that continue to run down your face while putting on a fake smile.

“Yeah of course I'm ok” Thomas went around you to look into your eyes. His back was turned to the ocean. The crashing of waves was a soothing scenery to a conversation that would be anything else but calming or soothing. He knew exactly what you were doing, because he does it with all the time with his other friends too.

With just a sigh and a tone you knew all to well he started. “Y/N”

“What? I am.”

“We both know that that's not true. You can tell me you know?” He went beside you and took your left hand into his bigger right one. You still don't understand why he had that effect on you but as soon as his hand enclosed yours the trembling stopped.

“But I am.” Your voice turned colder than what it was a few minutes ago. Sure your voice was a little wobbly and raw but he liked that more than this distant robotic tone you were using now. “I'm not dead. I'm not infected with a virus that eats my brain. I'm have food for the rest of my life and I get to live on this ridiculously beautiful island only because we ran away and left the world to burn so yeah. Why the hell wouldn't I be ok?!” You didn't mean to yell at him but with all the dug up memories that played inside your mind only minutes ago and then him questioning your words made you just snap.

Thomas didn't say anything and just sat there next to you. After a few minutes you squeezed his hand and let out a shuddering breath. Tears were again prickling in your eyes and you knew that no matter what you would do they would drop.

Your voice was small when you began talking again.

“I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell at you I just..” They were falling now. “How the hell are we supposed to be fine and happy when we basically ran away and left everyone behind?” You were looking at him now. Directly into his eyes, almost begging him to have an answer. He looks right back with tears building inside his own. Desperately wanting to give you everything you asked off him and more.

“Thomas how are we.. ” Your voice broke half way trough his name. “How are we meant to live like this? With all that we've been through and just be ok?”

He had to strain his hearing to understand everything you said between sobs and hiccups.

But as soon as everything made sense he let go of your hand to take your head between his. With his thumb he wiped away the waterfall of tears that just wouldn't stop.

“We're not.” That was not the answer you thought would come out of his mouth. His voice was quiet but steady. Final and true. You were about to ask him why the hell he even asked then if you were ok in the first place.

He didn't make any sense.

But right as your mouth opened he began talking again.

“Right now we're not ok. We don't need to lie about that. What we went through, what we had to endure to find this place and..” One single tear ran down his cheek. And just like he did for you, you took hold of his face and graced his cheek to erase any evidence of tears.

“..the people we had to leave behind or were taken from us..” His eyes never left yours while he brought his forehead to yours.

“...no one could just be ok with any of that. If you were I would seriously think you're not right in the head.” That brought a slight chuckle out of you. He couldn't hear it, but you were close enough for him to feel it. It stopped as soon as you let it out. 'Not right in the head.' Not like someone with the Flare.

He could see in your eyes that your thoughts were about to turn dark again. So he started again to keep you with him on the beach.

“But now we have a save place were we can get to a point where we are ok. Where we can actually grieve for our friends, homes we never had and anything else they took from us. We can grieve all the time we lost with everyone who is now a name carved into the stone.”

He knew that this was not something you wanted to hear but he had to say it.

“And after we did that, after we get over that point we get more and more moments where we can imagine to be ok. We get to laugh more. We get to enjoy the food Frypan cooks for us again. We might even dance around the bonfire like we did back in the Maze.

And after all that, after we learned how to be ok for these moments, we will not have to pretend to be it but we will truly be fine and healed.”

With ever word Thomas said your tears flowed more. This time only not out of hopelessness but because Thomas had done it again. He gave you a little bit of hope. With only his soothing words, small strokes with his thumb over your cheeks and an honest look in his eyes you couldn't help yourself but believe him. He was good at it. Giving speeches and brining hope and light to bleak situations. It was the reason you made it to the Save Haven. Him motivating you to keep going, always keep going.

The small smile that grew on your face was the first real one you showed since you came to this island and Thomas was filled with relief and a bit of happiness. He put that smile there. He gave you hope. And now he wants to give you a reason to keep going.

“We will be fine and happy one day. Because survived everything that was thrown in our way and because our friends sacrificed everything for us to be here. We will do it so we can truly be free. And we do it for them. For everyone thats not on our island.” Thomas oped that that was not one too far. It was risky but he just wants you to try and move forward.

Releasing a breath, that somehow got stuck in your throat, you lifted your head off of his, scooted closer to his side and laid your head on his shoulder, looking outside the wide ocean. The wind that picked up a little and spray was in the air. Smelling of salt and sea.

Thomas knew that you thought about his words. But the fact that you had your head on his shoulder and that your hands were still tightly held in each other showed him that he had done at least something right.

“For them huh?”

Now it was his face that grew a true smile. He had you there. Knowing you would not necessarily try to mend your mind for yourself, always wanting to make sure that everyone else was save or taken care of first. He knew that you would try for them, but also for everyone that was on this island. And also eventually you would do it for you. And he couldn't wait to hear you lively laugh again that back then filled the whole maze.

[jobrookekarev]

Safe and Sound

Chapter: 1/1

Words: 5500

Summary: Jo and Alex figure out they're the same blood type, as they figure out what blood type their baby will be. Yet they never thought it would come in handy until Alex ends up in the ER. 

Fandom: Grey’s Anatomy.

Relationship: Alex Karev/Jo Karev. 

Characters: Alex Karev, Jo Wilson Karev, baby Helena Karev, Meredith Grey, and Cristina Yang.

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences.

Additional Tags: AU, everybody lives, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Babies, Organ Transplantation, Major Character Injury.

Read at AO3

Read at FFN

This is a prompt for Maddie, enjoy.

……………………………………………………………………

Alex was standing at the nurses’ station holding his tablet and looking over his Post-OP charts when all of a sudden Jo flung herself into his arms. She was so desperate to get into his arms that she pressed the tablet he was holding up against him as she hugged him. 

“Hey,” Alex said, moving his arm to hold her as she buried her face in his chest and began to sob. “Jo, what is it?” 

Jo didn't respond so Alex just wiggled the tablet out from in between them and put it on the desk before he wrapped his arms around her. He pulled her into the office behind the nurses’ station, avoiding the look from the other staff around him. Alex shut the door behind them and held Jo closer. She clung to him with her fingers digging into his white coat as she pressed herself up against him. 

“Jo what is it, what's wrong?” Alex asked as Jo shook her head against his chest and pulled back. Her eyes were full of tears and her face was red and puffy. Alex tried not to panic as he rubbed his hand up and down her arms. Jo took several deep breaths before she could manage to speak. 

“Lauren’s husband died,” Jo said before the tears started again and he pulled back in to hug her as she laid her head on Alex's shoulder. “He was walking home from the store and this car just came out of nowhere. And I had to console Lauren and keep her from getting out of bed so she didn't go into labor. She's been on the Maternity ward for two months trying to keep herself and their babies alive and everything's worked, but then he just dies in some freak accident and now she's all alone and it's not fair.”

Alex just nodded and wrapped his arms tightly around her. He pulled her back and sat down in one of the chairs, pulling her into his lap. It was a little awkward with the small office chair and Jo couldn't seem to get close enough to him. Eventually, they settled with Jo sitting sideways in his lap with her legs over the armrest. Alex held her, wrapping his arms around her waist as she turned and hid her face in his neck. He rubbed his hands up and down her spine. Feeling his hands on her had always helped Jo calm down and she started to take deeper breaths, despite how the tears seemed to never stop.

“You can't die before me,” Jo said, picking up her head and looking him in the eye. “You can't leave me alone. And you can't die until we're old and grey and we’ve retired to a house in the suburbs. I don’t care if you don’t remember me half the time, or if you lose your ability to walk or if you're in a diaper or something. You can't leave me alone. We have to die together like the freaking notebook or you can't die at all.”

“Oh I'm dying before I lose my bowels,” Alex smirked, but bit his lip and nodded solemnly, seeing how serious she was. “I promise, I will do everything in my power to not die without you. And not until we’ve retired to a house in the suburbs with a dozen grandkids around us, or at least a few dogs if our kids decide not to have kids.”

Jo cracked a smile and nodded before she rested her head against his shoulder. He rubbed her back and felt her breathe hot air against his neck. Alex knew that realistically he couldn't promise her that, but he still did it because he'd be damned if he left her before they had a full and happy life together.

One of the new interns that he hadn't learned the name of yet opened the door and froze when she saw them sitting in the chair together. 

“Get out,” Alex gruffed, frowning as he glared at them. 

The intern stumbled with the door and with an apology before she finally managed to close it and Alex heard their sneakers squeak down the hall. 

Jo pulled back and frowned, giving his arm a light slap. “Don't be mean to Young Ortiz. She's actually quite nice.” 

“I'll be nice to the interns when they stop being interns,” Alex grumbled, as Jo put her hand on his chin and giggled as she pulled him down to kiss his lips.

“They have a nickname for you you know?” Jo smirked, running her fingers over the scruff of his beard.

“Oh really?” Alex said, raising his eyebrows.

“Yeah, they call you Dr. Grumpy,” Jo said, giggling as she covered her mouth with her hand to hide her smile.

“Dr. Grumpy!” Alex exclaimed. He had half a mind to put Jo down and go chase after the intern and insist they call him by his proper title of Dr. Karev or he’d drown them in scut.

Jo just laughed, the sound filling the room and Alex couldn't help but smile. He loved the sound of Jo's laughter and leaned down to kiss her forehead. Jo pulled back before she leaned in and kissed him. Her lips were soft and they tasted like the honey chapstick he got her last week. Alex lingered on her lips, wishing they could stay like that for a little bit longer, but knowing that they both had surgeries scheduled that afternoon. 

“Do you want me to order pizza and we can have a movie night on the couch tonight?” Alex offered as Jo stood up. He missed her warm body against him the moment she was gone and pulled her in for one last hug.

“Yeah, that sounds good,” Jo said, untangling herself from him before she went over to the door. She paused and looked back at him, her hand on the door handle.

“I love you,” she whispered, her eyes soft and warm.

“I love you too,” he whispered as she gave him one last smile before she walked out the door.

……………………………………………………………………

“Hey,” Alex said, coming up behind her and putting his hand on her belly. 

Jo smiled from where she sat on the couch in the attending lounge as Alex leaned into peck her lips and she felt the baby kick against his hand. At six months pregnant Jo had a prominent belly that Alex couldn't keep his hands off of. He was the only person that she let touch her without asking. Alex's hands were always welcome and his voice usually made their baby kick happily inside of her.

“Hey you,” Jo said as she turned around and watched Alex walked around and collapse on the couch next to her. “I take it your surgery went well.”

“Yep, baby Billy's got a brand new kidney and has already started putting out urine,” Alex said, laying down to press his face against her belly.

“He peed on you?” Jo guessed as she sat back and made room for his head, noting the smell of his body wash and new scrubs.

“Oh yeah, I got completely drenched when I checked on him post-op. I had to take a shower and everything.” Alex sighed and Jo laughed. She ran her hands through his wet hair as the baby kicked against Alex's face. “Hey, you be nice to your old man.”

“I think they're trying to tell you not to squish their legs,” Jo laughed again as Alex moved his head back from where it was squished against her belly. 

Alex moved his head to rest on her lap and put his hand against her bump. It couldn't have been the most comfortable position, but Alex closed his eyes. Jo went back to her post-op notes until her phone dinged as her little side project labs came back.

“You're O Negative with a negative Rh factor,” Jo said as Alex grumbled in reply, nodding his head. “And I'm O negative with a negative Rh factor and our tissue typing and cross-matching match, which means our baby will probably be O negative with a negative Rh factor.”

“Hm that also means that we could give each other an organ if we needed to,” Alex mumbled, his voice muffled by her scrub top. 

“Well, if you ever need a kidney, I'd be happy to give you one of mine, and if this baby needs a kidney or liver you or I could be a donor.”

“Our kid is perfect Jo,” Alex said, opening his eyes and looking up at her. 

“I know it's just that we're surgeons, Alex. We know what could go wrong and...” Jo paused to put a hand on her belly as her baby kicked her again. “I worry.”

“I know,” Alex said, sitting up and putting both of his hands over hers on her belly. “But our baby is healthy, see.”

Alex pulled out the latest ultrasound photo that he kept in his wallet and Jo smiled at the scan, tracing the outline of their baby's head. “I know”

“Besides,” Alex said, leaning back down to lay his head in her lap again. “If anyone needs an organ transplant it’s probably gonna be you. How’s your kidney infection, any pain.” 

“No, I'm fine and the antibiotics seem to be working, but Carina said she’d check my kidneys at the next ultrasound in a week,” Jo said as she put their baby's blood type in their file and went back to her post-op notes.

“Good,” Alex said, closing his eyes with a yawn. Jo smiled as she ran her finger through his hair before he fell asleep, snoring lightly in her lap. Quiet nights like this, in on-call rooms or in the lounge were her favorite, just Alex and her, for now, together.

……………………………………………………………………

Alex cursed the driver in front of him as they swerved. He slowly stepped off the gas and let them speed ahead of him. He looked down at the clock in the car, at this rate he would still get back to the hospital before Jo finished nursing Helena. Even after he stopped to get donuts. At first, he was just going to get the Thai, but then he drove past the donut shop. Alex couldn't stop thinking about the powdered donuts that she stole from dermatology to give to him and had ended up stopping to get them two powdered donuts. 

Alex stopped at the red light just a few blocks away from the hospital and he thought of how Jo would smile when she saw the powdered donuts. Alex missed her and Helena. He had seen them that morning, but he still wasn't used to being back at work full-time and he missed them.

All of a sudden his car jerked forward as someone hit him from behind and pushed him into oncoming traffic. The airbag didn't deploy and a second car hit the side of his car. Alex slammed against the steering wheel as his head hit the dashboard. Alex's vision went dark. The last thing he saw was Jo and Helena smile’s before he lost consciousness.

……………………………………………………………………

“Are you sure you don’t want any?” Link asked as she sat down in the rocking chair in the daycare’s kitchen. He pulled the warm leftover container of Fettuccine Alfredo out of the microwave with one hand as he held Scout. 

“I’m good, thanks. Alex just ran out to pick up Thai for us and he should be back soon,” Jo said gently rocking in the chair as she pulled up her scrub top and undid her bra to nurse Helena.

“No problem, If you change your mind Amelia always gives me extra leftovers, she thinks I eat more than I actually do.” Link said as he got set up with Scout in the highchair at the table next to them and gave him a few slices of cheese from his lunch. “Besides I know how hungry Amelia gets when she’s breastfeeding.”

“And it takes forever. How is it that someone with such a teeny tiny stomach takes forever to eat,” Jo said, glancing down at Helena as she latched on and nursed at her breast. Helena just closed her eyes and grunted, just like Alex did when he ate, making Jo smile. 

“At least he doesn't gobble down everything in sight,” Link said handing Scout another piece of cheese that the baby instantly grabbed and put in his mouth. “Slow down there buddy and remember to chew.”

Jo laughed as she watched Scout reach forward for another piece of cheese that Link placed on the high chair tray. 

“Hey I thought I might find you down here,” Amelia said as she appeared in the doorway with her plate of lunch and leaned down to greet Link with a kiss. 

Scout used the opportunity to lean forward with his mouth and take a bite of the cheese slice in Link's hand. While Jo stifled a laugh and watched. She was never one to spoil her nephews' fun and the baby was getting better at taking appropriate sized bites.

“Hey you,” Link said, as he pulled his hand back, but not before Scout had taken a mouthful and was smiling as he ate. Amelia and Jo both laughed, as Amelia pulled up a chair next to them.

“Hey, are we eating lunch down here?” Meredith asked as she and Maggie peeked their head in the doorway with Ellis next to them before they both came in.

Ellis raced to snag the rocking chair next to Jo, leaning over to give Jo a hug as she hung off of Jo’s neck. “Hi Auntie JoJo, hi baby Helena.”

“Hi Ellis, are you gonna eat lunch with us today?” Jo said, hugging her back with her one free arm.

“Yep,” Ellis replied as Meredith pulled up a chair next to them and brought out the side table as she handed Ellis her lunch.

“Look at all of us with our babies. Who knew, looking back at us a few years ago that we'd be doing this one day?” Amelia said, gesturing to the room around them. 

“Not me,” Jo smiled as she looked down at Helena in her arms, tracing her fingers over her little hand that gripped Jo’s necklace. She looked over at Link next to her who smiled at Scout as he ate a handful of Cheerios. “And certainly not you.”

“Yeah that's for sure,” Link said with a laugh. 

“I kinda feel left out. I'm the last one in our friend group that doesn’t have a kid,” Maggie said, looking down as she stirred her berries into her yogurt.

“You should have a baby Auntie Maggie,” Ellis said, her mouth full of crackers.

“It's not that bad of an idea. I mean you and Winston are pretty serious,” Amelia said with a smirk as she nudged Maggie with her toe.

“No, no, we can't have a baby now,” Maggie said, shaking her head at all of them, and looked back at Ellis. “Maybe later Ellie Belly.”

“That's okay Auntie Maggie, Auntie JoJo has my baby,” Ellis said, leading forward and rubbing Helena’s arm as Helena opened her eyes and grabbed onto Ellis's hand. 

Their adorable bond made everyone laugh and smile. From the moment Jo had gotten pregnant, Ellis had been obsessed with her baby. When Ellis finally met Helena, the two of them became inseparable. Ellis absolutely adored her and Helena would stop and stare at Ellis whenever she saw her. Jo knew that the two of them would be best friends as they grew up and that Ellis would always look out for her. 

The conversation changed to the surgeries they were each doing that afternoon as they ate their lunch and fed their kids. Helena finally finished nursing and Jo wiped away the milk that had dripped down her chin, as Helena smiled looking absolutely milk drunk. After Jo burped Helena, she let Ellis hold her before Helena grew tired. 

She settled Helena in her arms pulling a blanket over her shoulder to cover Helena and make it less stimulating so she could sleep. Just like her mother after pizza night on the couch, Helena quickly fell asleep. Jo continued to hold her as she slept, enjoying the feeling of her baby in her arms and delaying her return to work for just a few more minutes.

“Hey April, come to join us for lunch?” Meredith said as April appeared in the doorway.

Jo’s smile disappeared as April locked eyes with her. April's look of urgency and desperation turned Jo's blood cold as April took a step towards her.

“Jo, it's Alex.”

Jo stopped breathing the moment she heard April speak. April asked her to follow her and Meredith asked to take Helena. Jo spared her sleeping daughter, one last look before she handed her over to Meredith and followed April as they ran out of the daycare down to the ER.

“He lost a lot of blood… The airbag didn’t go off… The steering wheel punctured his abdomen…. We're not sure if we can save his liver…” 

Jo got bits and pieces of what April said as they rushed down to the ER. All she could think about was how Alex kissed her goodbye that morning, on the Peds floor and promised to go out and get her favorite Thai dish for lunch. She didn't see anything around her until she was standing in the hallway of the ER staring into trauma room one. She saw Alex's shoes lying on the gurney, but she didn't register that it was Alex on the bed with Hunt, Bailey, and Schmitt working on him. 

“Jo,” Bailey's voice caught her attention as Bailey called her by her first name. She stopped working on Alex as April took her place and walked over to Jo. “We’re just about to take him up to surgery now. He is stable but still critical. We're going to repair the damage, but he may need a liver transplant.”

Bailey led her away from the trauma room and over to the nurses’ station, pulling up a chair and forcing Jo to sit in it. Jo just stared at the trauma room and watch from the windows as they worked on Alex. 

“Sharon, call UNOS and see if there's a liver for Dr. Karev. He's O Negative…”

“I'm O negative, I'm a match. I ran the test when I was pregnant because I wanted to know about Helena, but Alex and I are a match,” Jo said, looking up at Bailey and grabbing her hand. 

“Jo,” Bailey said softly, taking her hand and giving it a squeeze. Jo knew that Bailey would protest, but she also knew that it was Alex’s best chance at getting a liver.

“Do it. Take a part of my liver and give it to Alex, please,” Jo begged her.

“Okay.”

Bailey took her upstairs and ran the test again. They confirmed that she and Alex were a match and before Jo knew it she was in a gown and laying on the OR table. Ginger was standing over her and putting a warm blanket over her legs. It all happened so quickly and Jo was thankful for that because she didn't have time to worry about Alex when she was getting prepped for her own surgery. 

Meredith walked in, with Link behind her, carrying Helena and Jo smiled as her baby squealed when she saw her. Throughout this whole thing, Jo didn’t worry about where Helena was, because she knew that Meredith and Link would look out for her. 

“I thought you'd want to see her before you go under,” Link said, putting Helena on her chest as Jo put one arm around her baby, closing her eyes as she kissed her forehead.

“How's Alex?” Jo asked, running her fingers over Helena’s chubby arm and over her fingers as Helena wrapped her hand around Jo's finger. 

“He's doing okay,” Meredith nodded at her, having already scrubbed as the nurses helped her put on her gown and gloves. “Hunt and Bailey have repaired the damage to his spleen and are working on the liver.”

Jo nodded, before looking up at Link. “Can you stay with her until Alex or I wake up?” 

She was still so little and Jo second guessed what she was doing, knowing how easily surgery could go wrong. She couldn't bear the thought of her little girl losing both of her parents, but she also couldn't bear the thought of being able to save Alex's life and not doing so. 

“Of course. We’ll be right outside during surgery and we’ll be here when you wake up.” Link said, as he put his hand on her shoulder and gave it a squeeze.

“Okay, ready to get started, Jo?” Meredith asked, approaching the table ready for surgery. 

Jo nodded and kissed Helena’s head one last time before Link lifted her up. The anesthesiologist put the mask over her face, asking her to count down from ten and before she knew it she was asleep.

……………………………………………………………………

“Listen to me Karev,” Bailey said as she stood over Alex's open abdomen and stared down at the empty space. He was ready to receive a liver from his wife who was on an operating table in the other room. “I had five interns and now all five of you have been on my table. Now three out of five of you have survived, and you better survive too. You got a wife and baby waiting for you when you wake up. So you'd better not pull anything funny on me.”

“Here is the liver!” Schmitt said coming in and carrying the bowl up to her. 

“It looks good,” Owen said, observing the liver. “Let's get it prepared for implantation.” 

“How’s the other Dr. Karev?” Bailey asked, still looking down at Alex. 

“Jo is doing great, Grey is just closing her now,” Schmitt said with a nod. 

Nobody in that room knew what they would do if they lost Jo or Alex on the table. So they did everything in their power to ensure that both of the Karev’s lived. 

……………………………………………………………………

Most people think they would dream when they're in surgery, but when they’re under anesthesia they’re not sleeping so they don’t dream. 

Alex remembered that from the time he took a bullet in the hospital shooting. He remembered drifting in and out of consciousness and dreaming when Lexie and Mark worked on him, but during surgery, everything went black. It felt like only a minute had passed when in reality it was hours.

The same was true this time around. One minute Alex was staring at the donuts in his passenger seat and the next he was opening his eyes to see the ceiling of the hospital. It was dark outside and the only light came from the bedside lamp next to him and Alex could hear the rain patter against the window.

Alex remembered that he had woken up yesterday and briefly remembered Meredith being above him, but he had been in and out of it as the morphine made him sleepy. Alex remembered being conscious enough to hear them say they were slowly weaning him down to a lower dose that afternoon and they were all waiting for him to come around.

“Hey, took you long enough,” Cristina Yang's voice filtered into his barely conscious ears as he turned his head to see her sitting in the chair next to his bed and reading a medical journal. “We all thought you were going to fall into a coma or something.”

Alex only groaned as he looked around the otherwise empty room. The only thing he could think of was of Jo and Helena and their smiles flashed through his memory again. He had to tell them that he was okay. He couldn't bear the thought of Jo thinking that she lost him. 

“Where's Jo... and Helena,” Alex asked, his throat was dry and scratchy as he tried to speak.

“Relax,” Cristina said in her nonchalant way as she got up and poured him a cup of water. She came over and handed him the cup, waiting for him to take a sip. “Jo’s in the next bed over sound asleep and Helena’s in the bassinet at the end of her bed. Let them sleep, they’ve been at your bedside all day.”

Alex nodded and watched Cristina as she returned to her chair. She resumed reading her magazine and Alex looked around the room as he slowly woke up. 

“Why are you here?” Alex asked, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. The last time Cristina had come to the U.S. was after Derek died. 

“I’m still your health care proxy,” Cristina said, as she went back to reading her medical journal. “And since Jo was a mess, somebody had to step in and make the decisions. So I hoped on a plane and here I am.” 

“Wait, if you're here in Seattle then how long have I been out?”

“Two days Evil Spawn,” Cristina said, flipping the page. “By the way, that kid of yours looks exactly like you. It's a good thing Jo loves you, cuz she's going to be staring at your face reflected in her child's for the rest of her life.”

“Shut up my kids’ beautiful,” Alex said as he took another sip of the water.

“I never said she wasn’t pretty. Most babies look like their fathers anyway, it’s a biological thing. She’s quite cute actually, which is nice considering most babies just look like blobs of flesh,” Cristina said with a nod as he handed her the empty cup.

“Can I see them, please?” Alex asked, looking to where the curtain was drawn to separate the two beds. 

Cristina nodded and pulled the curtain aside so he could see where the bassinet was set up at the end of the other bed. She picked up Helena who remained sound asleep and brought her over to place her in the crook of Alex's arm. Alex let out a sigh of relief as he held Helena. He didn't care that his stitches still hurt or that his arms were limited by his IVs as he brought his hand over to trace along her cheeks that were chubby like his were. 

“Can you wake up Jo, I want to see her too?” Alex said not looking away from Helena.

“I'll let her wake up on her own,” Cristina said, reaching down to pat his leg. “She’s still sleepy from surgery.”

“Jo assisted in my surgery?” 

“Not your Surgery,” Cristina said, she was never one to dodge any of his questions which was what Alex loved about her. “You needed a liver transplant and Jo was a match and because the situation was emergent, Meredith and Bailey operated to take part of Jo’s liver and give it to you.”

“Is she okay?” 

“She's fine. The surgery went well, and she's recovering. Better than you are I might add.”

Alex nodded and looked down at Helena, leaning down to kiss her head. “Can I see Jo, please?”

Cristina nodded and pulled back the curtain so he could see Jo as she slept soundly in the bed next to him. She was still hooked up to an IV and monitors, but Cristina was right, she looked better than he did. Her stats were good and she snored as she slept.

Alex let out a deep sigh of relief, knowing that his wife and child were safe and that he was too. Alex knew that Jo would drag him back from the afterlife if he died. He didn't know what he believed happened after you died but he was sure that he would never forgive himself if he died on her. 

He looked down at his child who slept peacefully in his arms and over it Jo who was recovering from surgery but was alive and well and he relished in the moment of being alive. Helena squirmed in his arms and he got a glimpse of the black onesie she was wearing, which was not an onesie he had seen before.

 Alex pulled down the blanket to see that she was wearing an onesie with red lettering of ‘Evil Spawn’s Spawn.”

“Yang!” Alex hissed, startling Helena as she jerked her hands up and Cristina just laughed in her chair.

……………………………………………………………………

Jo was instantly awake as she woke up to the sound of her baby crying. The sounds of Helena’s cries woke her up every night. Although Jo was used to it, she couldn't stop the panic feeling she got at the sound of her crying. The panic wouldn't go away until Helena was comforted.

“Meredith,” Jo called out, seeing that her baby wasn't in the bassinet at the end of her bed. Meredith had helped her take care of Helena as Jo had a limited range of motion as she recovered from the surgery. 

“Good, you're awake,” Cristina said, coming around the curtain and immediately putting Helena and Jo’s arms. “Meredith changed her diaper, but she wouldn't go back to sleep. Alex tried to calm her down before she started crying but...”

“She's probably just tired and maybe hungry,” Meredith said, coming around the curtain as well. “I gave her a bottle an hour ago, but she didn't drink very much of it.”

Jo nodded, knowing that Helena wasn’t used to taking a bottle. She looked down at Helena, Jo held her against her chest before she started patting her bottom and shushing in her ear. It didn't take long for Helena to calm down and for her little cries to turn into snores as she fell asleep. 

“How’s Alex?” Jo asked looking up at Meredith and Cristina, now that Helena was settled. They smiled and just pulled back the curtain so she could see Alex's bed. 

“Hey you,” Alex said as he smiled at her from where he sat up in bed.

Jo put a hand over her mouth as a sob came out of her throat. After two days of waiting for him to wake up and staring at him sleeping next to her, there he was. 

“You're awake,” Jo said, taking in the sight of Alex’s beautiful brown eyes staring back at her. “How are you feeling?”

“I'm good,” Alex said he's lopsided smile across his lips and Jo didn’t realize how much she missed it.

Jo tried to get up out of bed, swinging her legs over the side and trying to stand up, but two days post-op and with a baby in her arms it was difficult. Cristina and Meredith quickly rushed to her side putting an arm around her.

“Jo just sit back,” Meredith said, gently pushing on her shoulder. 

“Jo please listen to them and lay back down,” Alex said, leaning forward trying to help from his bed.

“Please,” Jo begged them looking up at Meredith. “I have to touch him and know that this isn’t all a dream.” 

“Okay,” Meredith said, reluctantly. “Give me Helena and Cristina can help you up.”

“Why me,” Cristina complained, but still put her arm around Jo’s waist.

“Do you want to hold the baby instead?” Meredith asked her, giving her a look and knowing Cristina's answer.

Cristina just grumbled and helped Jo take a few steps over to Alex's bed. Alex reached out and Jo grabbed his hand holding it close to her heart. It was only then that she sighed in relief as she felt Alex’s pulse under her fingers. 

The hospital bed was a tight fit for both of them, but Jo managed to lay down next to him as he put his arm around her shoulders and kissed her head. Cristina and Meredith helped them get settled and pulled the blanket over them before Meredith placed Helena on Jo's chest. Alex put one hand on Helena's back, rubbing up and down. She seemed content to sleep on Jo’s chest with both of her parents nearby. Cristina and Meredith quietly slipped away and Jo was grateful for a moment alone with Alex. 

“I thought I lost you,” Jo whispered, turning her head to look at him. “Staring at you in the trauma room, I thought I lost you.”

“You didn't,” Alex said, squeezing his arm around her shoulders. “I once made a promise to you that I wouldn't die without you and not until we were both old and grey and it’s a promise I intend to keep.” 

“Good,” Jo nodded and watched as Alex looked down at Helena before he closed his eyes.

She knew the morphine would make him sleepy for a few days, but she didn't mind. Just having him close to her and knowing that he was out of the woods was enough for her. Jo looked down at her husband and her baby and put her hand over his as she watched her family sleep, safe and sound.

……………………………………………………………………

AN: Just for reference, this takes place over the course of a year or so. So the first scene is before Jo gets pregnant, and when she's about six months pregnant, and the accident happens when Helena’s a few months old. 

[taina-eny]

Bad Dream

As promised, this is the one shot I wanted to upload last Weekend.

Enjoy, and if you see mistakes, please tell me^^

G Callen x Reader

Prompt: none

Words: 3.352

Tagged: @imnot-typical-92 @susan1333 @coffeebooksandfandom 

“You shouldn´t eat so much sugar.” You told your boyfriend as you two walked through the halls to the bullpen.

“I like sugar, what is wrong about it?” He asked with his big bag slung over his shoulder. You looked at Callen.

“Nothing is wrong about liking sugar, but only if it isn´t the base of your nutrition. We should cook more.” He looked at you and raised his brow.

“I can´t cook and we both don´t have enough time for it.” You sighed and walked towards your desk. 

“I know, but maybe we could buy healthier take out?” You looked at G hopefully with your big (E/C) eyes. He put his bag down and went over to you.

“Of course (Y/N).” He gave you a quick kiss and you smiled. You looked in his blue eyes.

“Thanks.”

“Everything for you.” He whispered and put his hands on your waist. You locked your arms around his neck and leaned in for another kiss.

“Good morning!” You broke your kiss and turned your head to Sam. You smiled.

“Morning Sam!” Sam smiled at you two. “Had a nice night?” He asked innocently, but you and Callen knew his intentions.

“It was a good workout.” Told your boyfriend his partner and both you and Sam began to chuckle.

“What was a good workout?” Asked Deeks curiously when he and Kensi turned around the corner. Now Callen was the one chuckling with a smug smile on his face, while Sam just shook his head with a smile on his lips. Deeks stopped in the middle of the desks, while Kensi just sit down and started to smile too. You walked out of Callens grip and took your bag. When you walked past Deeks with a smug smile on your lips and winked sheepishly, it was only a matter of time until you heard his “oh”. It let your smile brighten up on your way up to OPS. Up there you began to work with Nell and Eric, when a new case came in.

“I get the others”, said Eric and walked out of the room. In the meanwhile you looked at the screen.

“There are too many”, you whispered.

“Exactly.” The prompt and unexpected reply would cause anybody to jump out of their skin, but not you. You merely turned your head to look at your small boss.

“And that´s why the team needs help.” You were about to ask her what she meant with that, but Eric came back in with the team in tow. You took some steps back, so you wouldn´t stand in front of the screen, and ended up between Kensi and Deeks.

“We found the video footage from this night ten minutes ago.” Explained Nell and started the video. You could see one victim and about ten attackers. They were brutal, the victim didn´t stand a chance against their hits. In the end they burned the victim alive, even though he was unconscious.

“Wow.” Deeks flat comment was the mood of everybody.

“Yeah, the victim was one of our informants”, told Nell and Eric continued.

“The attackers are all part of a Mexican cartel. We suppose they are still in LA.”

“Why do you think so?” Asked Sam, who leaned against the table with crossed arms.

“The victim was just one of our two informants. He was the older brother and his younger brother is still alive and somewhere here in LA. If they want to finish the job, they need to find the younger one”, you explained while you put a picture of the victim and his younger brother on the big screen.

“So, we don´t know where the younger brother is?” Asked Callen and looked to you, but Hetty beat you to the answer.

“Exactly. This is your job Mr. Callen. Find the boy and protect him. The cartel shouldn´t get a hold on him.”

“We don´t have enough time to search everywhere for him, we aren´t enough people.” You shared this opinion with Kensi. Your time was limited and you´ve got to many opponents to find and beat.

“I know Ms Blye. That´s why Ms Jones and Agent (L/N) will help you in the field.” You stared wide eyed at Hetty. You were shocked, but in a very positive way. You were a trained field agent after all.

Two years ago you were assigned to Callens team by Hetty, when your old team got separated. Well, you were alive, two of your three team members were killed and the last one was chained to the wheelchair. To be honest, you survived by mere luck, nothing more. This was your last job out in the field and since you came into this team, you were banned into OPS to work as an analyst and advisor.

At first you begged Hetty to let you work in the field, but after months of begging and nothing happened, you just accepted your fate. One year ago you and Callen started to date, and your ache for the field was gone. But now you realized that this fire was still burning inside you, this ache for the field was still there and you were eager to go out and fight the bad guys. You smiled, but before you could open your mouth, someone beat you to it, again.

“What?” It was Callens voice that reached your ears. You looked to your boyfriend and saw his worry.

“No, we are able to do it alone.”

“Mr Callen” Hetty stood her ground against your boyfriend and you were glad she did.

“Your girlfriend is a perfectly trained field agent and was stuck too long up here. If you already forgot it, she worked on more difficult cases then you and always succeeded with her team.” Callen wanted to argue back, but Hetty raised her hand and with a pointed look, he kept his mouth shut.

“Ms (L/N), if you would follow me?” She begged you to follow her and as you walked past Callen, you shot him a pissed look and an ironic thanks. You followed her into the weaponry.

“Ms (L/N), here is your clothing and the weapons you prefer.” She pointed to a stack of clothing and to the different weapons that laid on the table.

“Thank you” you told her surprised, “but how do you know all of that?”

“I would be a bad boss if I didn´t know my agents. Now get changed and come in the bullpen when you are ready.” She smiled and left you alone. After you were ready, you walked into the bullpen. Even though no one was directly looking at you, you felt every stare of your team, and your boyfriend in particular.

“I´m ready Hetty.” You called to your boss. And on cue, Nell walked down the stairs, also in another set of clothing.

“Shall we?” She asked you and gave you a weapon. You took it and gave her a small smile.

“We shall.”

  After that the whole team left HQ and searched after your target. The day was very exhausting, but eventually you found a lead. You were currently in the weaponry to prepare your weapons. The whole team worked in silence. When everyone was finished, they left quietly, so at the end only you and Callen were left. He eventually stopped and looked at you, but you just ignored him and prepared for the strike.

“Are we gonna keep this silence?” G asked you. You shrugged.

“Hell, (Y/N)! Could you please talk to me?” You set the weapon down, a bit harder than necessary, and looked sharp at him.

“What do you want me to say?” You asked sour. He looked at you quizzically.

“What?”

“You wanted me to talk to you. About what?” Callen rounded the table and stood behind you, so you had to turn around.

“Are you gonna be angry with me forever?” He cocked his head and looked into your (E/C) eyes.

“You questioned my skills as an agent in front of the whole team. What do you expect me to be? Grateful? Happy?” “I was worried about you.”

You snorted.

“I´m worried about you too, but I don´t question you in front of everyone. That stings, G. It hurts.” You turned around and looked over the weapon. You heard a sigh behind you. Callen wanted to say something and opened his mouth, but Eric ran into the armory.

“We know where they are.” You grabbed your weapons and left, leaving Callen to follow your lead.

   You haven´t found your informant, but you found the guys that wanted to kill him.

“Everyone ready?” questioned your boyfriend with a small voice through your earpiece.

“We´re at the back”, said Kensi.

“We´re at the side entrance”, you replied, confirming the position of Nell and you.

“On my mark…now!”

As Callen gave the clear, Nell opened the door, so you walked in first, a small detail, but you wanted to make sure Nell was save. You heard shots being fired over your earpiece, but you needed to focus on you and Nell and every possible threat. You saw a man behind crates and fired your gun. Three shots and he went down. You spun around and saw how a second man was shot down by Nell. Both of them were armed with machine guns.

“Everything alright?” You asked her and waited.

“Yeah.” She nodded and you signaled her to search the room. After you looked everywhere and no enemy was found you turned to Nell and nodded.

“Everything is clear”, she told you.

“Status?” Callen asked over the earpiece.

“Everything´s clear”, explained Deeks.

“Same goes for us”, replied Nell and you walked to the man you shot down. Neither Nell nor you saw the woman, who came in from the floor.

   Callen nodded to Sam, after everyone told him they were alright. He looked around in the big hall. Kensi and Deeks walked to them, when he suddenly heard a shot.

All four of them went down. Then they realized, that the sound came from the other room. He shot up again as he heard a second one directly afterwards. He could feel his heart beating faster with each passing second.

“(Y/N)? Nell?” He asked with wide eyes and heavy breathing. He looked at his team, when Nells voice rang through their earpieces.

“Eric, I need a helicopter, fast!” He felt a sudden pressure on his chest.

Without a second thought he started running to the other room, all caution to the wind. He heard the footsteps of his team following. When he burst through the door, Nell turned around and pointed her weapon at them. When she realized it was Callen, she turned back around, her focus at the limb body lying next to her.

“No”, he whispered.

He didn´t saw the dead woman at the other door, neither the two dead men. He just saw the limp body that wore the same clothes as you.

When Nells sob reached his ears, he broke out of his trance and ran to you. Falling to his knees, he skidded to a stop next to you.

He felt a pressure behind his eyes.

He stared at you.

Your already dull eyes looked at the ceiling, your mouth gaped open like a fish out of water. When he saw the cause of your state, his tears slipped out of his eyes.

“I- I don´t know how to put more pressure on it without strangling her.” Nell´s voice broke at the end. Her hands were full of your blood.

He put his hands over hers, adding more pressure on the wound. He lifted his hands when he heard a shocked squeak from you, knowing he cut off your airways.

“Don´t,” he sobbed, “don´t die on me. You can´t die on me. You hear that? I don´t allow you to die (Y/N).”

He felt his own body beginning to shake.

“Eric? How long?” Sams voice was something he could focus on.

“Three minutes.”

“That´s too long. She won´t survive!”

A sob escaped his lips at his partners statement.

“G.” He looked down. Your weak voice sounded like heaven to him, your dull (E/C) eyes looked as radiant as ever. You could talk, you could survive. You looked directly at him.

“(Y/N)…”, he whispered, hope filling his voice.

“I love you.” Your voice sounded better, but why were your eyes rolling back? Why couldn’t he hear your gaping after air? Why couldn´t he feel your pulse any longer?

“No…” He searched your face. “No.”

He took his hands from your wound and started to reanimate you. After some seconds, he cried harder.

“No!” He said loudly. His tears were streaming down his face freely, his sobs ragged his body.

He took you in his arms, don´t caring that your blood would be all over him. He put his head against yours, his nose softly nuzzling yours.

“No…“ He couldn´t believe it.

“It´s too late Eric, she´s gone.”

He lost you. He lost the love of his life.

   The next day Callen sat on the couch at the bullpen. He stared in the room, not focused on anything except his aching heart. He was so sad and angry. Angry with himself, with you and with Hetty. You died, and the last thing you two were talking about was a stupid argument, because he was worried sick about you. But you didn´t saw this, you saw him as a backstabbing boyfriend, who didn´t trust in the skills of his girlfriend.

“Mr. Callen?” He looked up at his boss. He didn´t knew she was there. He changed his position and opened some space for Hetty to sit next to him.

“What is it, Hetty?” “The autopsy of Miss (L/N) is finished. I need to talk to you about the results.” He furrowed his brow.

“She was shot in the throat, the bullet hit the artery. She bled out.” It felt wrong to talk about you just like another victim. Hetty sighed.

“You are right. But the medical examiner found something. Something different.” She paused. Hetty wasn´t someone to pause, only if it was a difficult situation.

“Hetty?” He asked and leaned forward to look at her.

“Miss (L/N) was pregnant.” He felt like throwing up.

He let himself sink back in the couch. A lump was suddenly in his throat. He felt his eyes burning again and he couldn´t feel anything except the sorrow. He gulped.

“How long” he asked breathless.

“At the beginning, third week. She didn´t know.” He nodded.

“If she knew she-“, he sobbed quietly. “She wouldn´t have gone in the field. She would protect the child.” He knew that, they talked about it, when she thought she was pregnant. This was before they were in a relationship, and after the shock she was on birth control, or so he thought.

“Thanks Hetty” he told her quietly and focused on nothing, he just stared in the room. He didn´t realized when Hetty left. He was just so hurt.

First he felt all alone on this world, with the whole foster families, than with his jobs. The first family he had was his team here at NCIS. Then he found you, the new addition to his team. You weren´t very open, no one of the team was, but you weren´t even friendly or tried to get along with the team. At the first case everyone was pissed at you, even Eric and Nell. You worked on your own, so he thought you were a lone wolf, like him, but then he overheard a conversation between you and Hetty, just a week after you first showed up.

   “This isn´t fair!” You sounded angry. Callen hid at a spot, where he couldn´t be seen, but could hear you perfectly.

“This isn´t about fairness, Miss (L/N). It is about you and your ability to work as a field agent again.” You were an agent? He didn´t knew, he thought you were a profiler or something like this, or a technician, because you worked up in OPS.

“And as far as I can see, you aren´t able to work again.” He heard you snort.

“I am perfectly fine. I am healthy and the psychologist and the doctors gave their all clear, so what holds me back?”

“You aren´t working with my team, you were incredible unfriendly and cold towards them, how am I supposed to let you work with them?”

“That´s because I don’t want to work with them. See, I´m grateful that you took me under your wings, without you I wouldn´t be standing here, I would´ve lost my job, but I don´t want to work with anyone, I want to work alone.”

“That´s not possible. You are a team player and we both know it. You´re staying in OPS until you learn to work with my team.” Callen heard your footsteps and watched you leaving.

“It isn´t nice to eavesdrop on someone.” He looked at Hetty, who was standing now.

“What do you mean that she is a team player?” He didn´t even try to lie to Hetty.

“That, Mr. Callen, is a question you should ask her.” He huffed.

“She doesn´t even talk to me.”

“Then you should find another way. It´s worth a try.”

   It was worth it.

It was totally worth it.

He trusted you like no one else, even if it took its time.

“G?” Callen heard your voice, he was crazy. He felt crazy. He felt sleepy.

“G.” He felt heavy, he couldn´t keep his eyes open.

“G!”

  He woke with a start. He didn´t know where he was. He started to panic.

“Shhh. Everything is alright, you´re safe.” He could hear your voice, loud and steady.

He realized he was in his bedroom, or better in his and your bedroom, in your shared bed.

He looked to the side and saw you there, healthy and alive. You have cocked your head, and he could see the worry in your (E/C) eyes. He couldn´t believe his eyes.

He frantically cupped your face and went down to your neck, where the bullet opened your skin and you bled, and now was your strong and steady pulse. He let his hands wander all over your body.

You sat quietly there and waited for your boyfriend to finish his checking. You knew how he was when he had a bad dream, but this was even new to you.

When he cupped your face on both sides, and put his forehead on yours to lightly nudge your nose, you knew something was very wrong. You waited in this position until his breathing got even.

“You wanna talk about it?” You asked him, knowing that he would possibly deny your question. So you were surprised when he nodded and started kissing you. You broke the kiss and lay down, guiding his head to your chest, so he could hear your heartbeat during his telling and you could cradle his head.

You listened to him till he finished, never pushing him to tell you something he didn´t want to and waiting for him on difficult passages. He finished and you didn´t know what to say. You died in his dream and were pregnant.

“G?” A humming noise came as response.

“You know I´m on birth control, right?” He made an approving noise.

“And you know I want to work in the field again?” He nodded.

“But you know, I wouldn´t decide anything without talking with you first. We are a couple, we should decide together about our future.”

“You are right.” He murmured. You decided to talk with him now.

“G? Do you want children?” You stopped caressing his head, when he put his head up to face you.

“Do you want children?” He empathized your addressing. Slowly you began to nod. 

He leaned forward to capture your lips with his. The kiss was passionate, the way his lips moved over yours was feeling like caressing.

When he backed away, you slowly opened your eyes to see him smirking at you.

“Then let´s start, and stop the birth control.”

[blondie1locks]

This is gonna be a stucky fanfiction my people. I am so mad that they didn’t get their happy ending in Endgame. That was bullllllsssshhhhhhiiiiiiitttttttt. I honestly had a hard time watching Steve not only turn into an old ass man because he wanted to “live his life.” Bitch Bucky is your life, and why tf did you not give him your shield. Honestly if Bucky had the shield he would be too op. I said what I said. Anyway on to the fic!!!! (This is a sickfic so if that bothers you scroll away!)

In the Avengers Tower Bucky was currently sleeping in Steve’s bed. Steve had long since woken up and went for a run, ate the awful breakfast Tony had made with the other Avengers, and was now hanging out in the main room watching Clint and Thor play Mario Kart together. Loki kept laughing at Thor as he swerved off the road, even though he didn’t play video games himself. Loki left to go read, and Nat and Steve were about to go train when Steve realised that Bucky hadn't woken up yet which was very out of the ordinary, considering because of their military training they had always had to wake up at the crack of dawn, not to mention with Bucky’s Hydra experience he had barely slept. It was just eating away at Steve’s brain, Bucky usually woke up when Steve did, he would sometimes go on his runs with him and run even faster than Steve.

“Hey you okay?” Nat said tapping his shoulder.

“I think I’m gonna go check on Bucky.”

“Yeah, shit he hasn't woken up has he?” She said scrunching her eyebrows together. “Go ahead Steve, we can train later.”

“Thanks.”

“Yeah, No problem, I think I need a drink anyway.” She said tapping his back. Steve walked into his room trying to be as quiet as possible, Bucky was curled up, holding a pillow close to his chest. He didn’t look very peaceful to be honest. Steve walked up to the bed quietly, sitting down on the bed. He pushed Bucky’s hair out of his face and tucked it behind his ear. He tapped Bucky’s shoulder.

“Buck.” He whispered. “Bucky.” He said louder. Bucky rolled over, rubbing his eyes.

“Stevie?” He whined.

“Yeah, Buck it’s late, you wanna wake up?” He said stroking Bucky’s long hair.

“I don’t feel good.” He said curling up against the pillow. Steve was a little taken back, honestly he thought Hydra had made him so that he couldn’t get sick? Maybe not.

“What hurts?” He asked, scooting closer to Bucky, and allowing him to put his head on Steve’s chest.

“Everything.” He said curling into Steve. “My arm, my stomach, my head, my lungs”

“Okay, it’s gonna be okay Buck.” Kissing Bucky’s head, he pulled the blankets further over them. “I will be right back, okay?”

“No, don't leave.” Bucky whined.

“I’ll be right back, I promise.” Steve left the room, although he felt guilty about it. He went to the kitchen.

“Hey, you okay?” Tony asked after seeing the worried expression on Steve’s face.

“Bucky’s sick.” He said.

“What, how?” “I didn’t even know he could get sick.” Tony said sipping his coffee.

“Yeah, I wasn’t sure ethier but he’s definitely sick.” Steve said searching around in the medicine cabinets.

“My only question is why?” “Why would Hydra make it so that he could be sick, wouldn’t that be a disadvantage for them?” Tony questioned, putting his coffee cup on the counter. “Think of it this way right, Hydra is creating this super soldier, one of many, so they are supposed to be practically invincible, right?” “Then wouldn’t they try to make it so that he would never be compromised during battle?”

“At the end of the day he’s still human, and he’s not Hydra’s.” Steve said getting the Advil, Pepto Bismol, and Calartine out. He walked over to the fridge to get water, and applesauce.

“I know, I know.” “But, they gave him all these powers, and they didn't take away his ability to get sick?” “Also you know that’s for allergies right?”

“He said his lungs hurt.” Steve said, getting out the water.

“Wait, what else did he say hurt?” Tony said, putting his hand on his chin.

“Uh, his head, stomach, lungs, and arm?”

“His left arm?”

“I don’t know, I didn’t ask.” Steve said, starting to get annoyed.

“I think they did this on purpose.”

“What do you mean?”

“Hydra, it’s like part of his programing to get sick once in a while so that he needs to rely on them to make it feel better.” Tony said, speaking slowly.

“That, kind of makes sense.”

“Wasn’t he sick around this time a few months ago?”

“Yeah…” Steve said, starting to understand.

“See.”

“Yeah, I see.” “I think I should uh get back to him though.”

“Yeah, I’ll do more research.” Tony said.

“You, really don't have to.” Steve said, making it obvious that he didn’t want Tony to.

“Fine, I won’t.”

“Thank you.” Steve said staring to walk away.

“But-” Tony started.

“I’m going to see Bucky now.” Steve said, not stopping to hear the rest of what Tony was saying. Steve walked into his room, setting his things down on the nightstand, Bucky was asleep again.

“Hey, Buck?” Steve said, sitting down.

“Mm?”

“How you feelin’ everything still hurt?” Bucky whimpered. “Aw, Buck, I’m sorry.” he said kissing the top of his head.

“Feel sick.” Bucky said smushing his face into the pillow.

“Throw up sick?” Steve said, still stroking his hair. Bucky nodded. “Okay, that’s okay, come ‘ere.” He said helping Bucky up. They walked into the bathroom, Steve supporting most of Bucky’s weight. Bucky fell, or almost fell, in front of the bathroom doorway, his weight collapsing on Steve.

“It’s okay, I got you, I got you.” He said as Bucky whimpered. Steve set him down in front of the toilet.

“Stevie.” Bucky whimpered.

“I got you.” He said sitting beside Bucky on the bathroom floor. Bucky burped a little, leaning forward so his face was over the toilet bowl. He gagged, and bile and spit spilled out of his lips, dribbling a little bit as it sprung from his bottom lip into the toilet bowl.

“I think I’m gonna throw up.” He said, making him sound very small and afraid.

“That’s okay.” Steve said, rubbing his back. Steve felt bad that Bucky thought he had to be worried about throwing up, like it was something he shouldn’t be doing. Bucky gagged, his shoulder’s shaking. He had to hold on to the toilet so hard his knuckles were white just to keep his face in the vicinity of the bowl. Steve noticed, and propped him up so that if his hands got tired he wouldn’t vomit all over himself and the floor. Bucky heaved again, but nothing came up. The wet hiccups had just begun, and Bucky felt his insides flip, his core contracted as he involuntarily heaved, bringing up a watery vomit, and stomach acid that burned the back of his throat. He gagged again as more vomit spilled out of him, he felt tears in his eyes as he forcefully heaved forward, projectile vomiting into the toilet, his metal arm grabbing onto the toilet seat for support. His vomiting finally calmed down, and he relaxed back against Steve, wiping his mouth on the back of his hand. He was painting heavily.

“You done?” Steve said, rubbing Bucky’s shoulder.

“Yeah.” He said weakly. Steve flushed the toilet, and left Bucky propped up against the bathtub, his face beaded with sweat, as he shook and panted. Steve came back with medicine, water, and applesauce.

“You think you can take this?” Steve said, shaking the Pepto bottle.

“ I think so.” He said, words semi slurred. Steve handed him a water bottle, and a pill. Bucky swallowed. It, but when Steve asked him to drink some water, Bucky’s body rejected it, and bile spilled out of his mouth, and onto his shirt. He gagged again sending more watery vomit onto himself. Then there was nothing left to bring up and he just felt like shit.

“Okay, It’s okay Buck.” Steve said Sitting next to him. Bucky started crying, it was obvious he was in a lot of pain. “Shhh, Shhh.” Steve said kissing the top of his head, and wrapping his arms around him, not caring if any of the contents got onto him.

“No, Stevie don’t it’ll get all on you too.” Bucky said between sobs.

“That’s okay, I don’t mind.” Steve said rocking him back and forth. When Bucky calmed down Steve asked him “Okay, we ready to get this shirt off?”

“Yeah.” Bucky said weakly. Steve pulled the shirt over Bucky’s head, and helped him continue undressing before turning on the shower and waiting for the water to get warmer.

“You want your arm off?” he cooed. “You said it was bothering you earlier.”

“Yeah.” Bucky said leaning back against Steve. Steve tried to remove Bucky’s arm as gently as possible, but bucky kept writhing in pain.

“I’m sorry, am I hurting you?” “You can keep it on if you want.”

“No, no I want it off, it just hurts.” He whimpered. Steve nodded, and removed the metal arm, even though it pained him to see Bucky whimpering each time he touched the base of it. Steve placed the arm on the counter and saw the red raw skin around Bucky’s shoulder.

“Oh, Buck.” He said, kissing the top of his head. That looked really painful. Bucky whimpered in response. Steve got undressed, and helped Bucky get into the shower, because both of them smelled like vomit. They got out, and steve put on a towel before wrapping one around Bucky. Steve helped Bucky get dressed, while also dressing himself, and then he went to take a look at the damage on his shoulder. Steve had Bucky’s new shirt laid out, but didn’t help him put it on yet, because he wanted to deal with the red raw skin that was causing Bucky so much pain. Steve got a washcloth and a bowl of ice water, and began to dab the area. Bucky whimpered, but said that the ice water felt nice. Because the washcloth was causing so much pain, he ended up just sticking his shoulder into the ice water. The relife was clear on his face. He exhaled a breath that he seemed to be holding for a while.

“That feels good?” Steve asked, holding the bowl up.

“Yeah.” Bucky sighed. “Really good.” Steve put the bowl down after a while and gently dried off the area with a finner washcloth, which Bucky said hurt less. Then he carefully put cream on the area, even though this hurt Bucky a lot. Then, he bandaged it up very loosely, and helped Bucky put his shirt on. Bucky tried to look in the mirror, but Steve wouldn’t let him, Bucky was very self conscious about how he looked without his metal arm on, so much so to the point he would start crying or try to hurt himself. Nobody except Steve had ever seen him without it.

“Can I put it back on?” Buck said, bouncing his leg.

“No, that’s gonna hurt a lot, just try to relax okay?” He said kissing Bucky’s nose.

“K.” Bucky said even though he didn’t look very relaxed.

“Come on,” Steve said, helping Bucky up. “Let’s try to take some more medicine, okay?” he said softly, helping Bucky onto the bed. “You think you could keep it down?”

“I’ll try my best.” Bucky said, like it was something he could control.

“It’s not your fault if you can’t, okay?”

“Okay.” Buck said quietly, Steve could tell Bucky was going to think it was completely his fault if he couldn’t keep it down.

“My lungs hurt.” “and my head.”

“Stomach feeling better?” Steve said, setting down the water and medicine.

“It feels...unsettled.”

“Okay, this is Advil, you can start by taking this.” Steve was sure to explain everything that Bucky put into his body, medicine, food, drinks. Just so that he knew what it was, and that it wasn’t harmful. Especially with medicines, because he hadn't been exposed to them while at hydra, they kinda just gave you steroids, and painful drugs.

“What does it do?”

“It’s a pain reliever.” That was good enough for Bucky, and he swallowed this pill. They waited a minute and it seemed to be good. So they moved on to the next.

“Okay this is Pepto Bismol,” Steve said, holding up the pink pill. “You took this earlier, it’s for your stomach.” Bucky swallowed it with no incidents, as well as Clariton, which Steve was hoping would help relieve the pain in his chest. Bucky’s stomach was gurgling, as he curled up against Steve, waiting for the meds to kick in. Bucky burped, and exhaled a large breath.

“Can I tell Nat you’re hurting?” Steve said gently to Bucky. “She’s really good at taking care of people, or Bruce, he’s a doctor.”

“You can tell but they can’t come in.” Buck whined. “See me and my ugly arm.” He buried his head into Steve's side. Steve didn’t want Bucky to feel uncomfortable about them seeing his ‘ugly arm’ or lack thereof. So he dropped it. But as he thought about it, Bucky wasn’t making very much sense, he may be running a fever.

“Buck, I’ll be right back okay?” Steve said, positioning Bucky on his side so that if he threw up he wouldn’t choke on it. Bucky’s stomach gurgled again as Steve left, and Bucky fell into a restless sleep.

Steve went out into the main room.

“Hey, how’s he doing?” Nat said sympathetically.

“Not very good,” He rubbed his eye “He’s in a lot of pain, his arm is all red and raw, I mean I took care of it the best I could but-”

“I can look at it.” Bruce said.

“No, no, he’s got this thing,” Steve started “He’s very self-conscious about it, to like the point of crying and self harm, I blocked the mirror, so I think it’ll be okay but uh- no, no people in there but me.”

“Shit.” Natasha said.

“Do we have um- a thermometer?”

“Yeah, I think Tony had it last though, and he never puts things back in the right place.” Nat said, eating another corn chip.

“K, I’ll ask him.” Steve walked into Tony’s workshop. “Hey, Tony, do you have the thermometer?”

“Huh?” “Oh yeah- it’s right here.” He said handing it to Steve.

“Thanks.” Steve walked back into the room. Bucky was very sweaty. “Hey, can I take your temperature?” Bucky Nodded.

Steve sat down on the bed, and held the reader up to Bucky’s forehead.

“Wats is it?” Bucky asked, Steve was concerned by how slurred his words were.

“103” “Shit.” Steve cursed under his breath.

“Stevie, my tummy hurts.” He said curling into his side.

“It’s okay, It’s gonna be okay.” He said kissing the top of his head. “Come here.” He let Bucky lean his weight onto him, and he pulled down his sweatpants a little to rub his stomach. Bucky’s abs were intact but his stomach was very bloated and hard, it looked very painful. “Can I rub it?” Bucky nodded. Steve rubbed his stomach gently, pressing down not very hard at all with the tips of his fingers. He put two hands on Bucky’s stomach, and began to massage gently. “It feels like it's a painful buck, you wanna go to the bathroom?” He cooed hoping that his stomach might calm down if he emptied his bowels.

“Can’t.”

“Why?” he said, pulling Bucky’s pants back up.

“ ‘M too weak.” “See.” Bucky tried to sit up on his own, but was unsuccessful. And when he was close he fell backwards.

“It’s okay, I can help you.” Steve said, running his fingers through Bucky’s sweaty hair. Bucky shook his head, his stomach growled again, and he tried to hide the grimace on his face.

“Bucky, you’re in pain, let me help you.” Steve said, honestly he didn’t find the situation embarrassing at all, Bucky didn’t mind anyone else having normal bodily functions, but Hydra had made him believe that he needed to be ashamed of any weaknesses. Which is why at Hydra, they used a bunch of tubes, and weird drugs Steve didn’t understand so that their soldiers didn’t really have these functions. Probably because they didn’t want to clean that up when they would lock them in cells for “bad behavior.”

Bucky eventually was in too much pain to resist, and Steve helped him to the bathroom, he sat him down on the toilet, and Just stood next to him, holding his arms back so that he wouldn’t fall off of the toilet. Bucky was sweating bullets, and soft chunks fell out of him as his stomach still gurgled, eventually the consistency turned to water, and when it finally stopped Bucky was about ready to pass out. Steve reached over and flushed the toilet. Bucky was still sitting on there staring blankly into nothing.

“You okay Buck?” Bucky heaved forward and threw up all over his bare legs, it wasn’t much, but it was painful nonetheless. He started to cry again, his shoulders bouncing up and down, Bucky cleaned himself up, then Steve helped him over to the bathtub to wash the vomit off his legs. Steve removed the shower head, and started spraying down Bucky’s legs.

“Stevie.” He sobbed. “I think I’m gonna throw up.” He said, still crying.

“Shhh, that’s okay, the water will wash it away.” He said kissing his head. Bucky started to sweat again as Steve continued hosing down his legs, most of the vomit was off already. Bucky heaved forward, and threw up into the bathtub. He heaved again, more of the foul smelling vomit pouring out of him and into the tub.

“I’m sorry.” He was now sobbing even harder.

“You have nothing to be sorry about, nothing,”

“I’m so gross.” He said his crying carrying out the s.

“No, no Buck it’s completely normal, you're just sick,” He said, putting some soap on Bucky's legs, the vomit already down the drain. “Please, please don’t be so hard on yourself, I love you, nobody, nobody thinks you’re gross.” “I promise.”

“Okay.” He sniffled. After putting on some pants, Bucky fell asleep. Steve, not wanting to wake him up went back to check in with everyone.

“Hi Steve.” Bruce said, making a sandwich.

“Steve, hey, how’s Bucky?” Nat asked.

“He’s,” he sighed. “He’s really not good.”

“What happened?” Wanda said. Loki was reading a book, Thor was sitting with him, trying to read along as Loki flipped the pages quickly. Tony was writing something down, probably some new idea or math equation. Clint was waiting for his sandwich, it seemed like everyone was there. He wished Bucky could join.

“He um, at first he was just sleeping for a while, so I went to check on him, and he said that uh everything hurt, his arm, his lungs, his head, his stomach, and then he started throwing up.” “He threw up all over himself uh multiple times today actually, diarrhea, his shoulder is all red and raw, he has his arm off so he hates himself.” “He’s, I wish I could do more.” Steve said, finishing up the story of how his day had been going.

“Oh shit.” Wanda said.

“He’s sleeping now so I just wanted to come out here so that I don’t wake him up.”

“You smell like death.” Tony said looking up from his writing.

“Yeah I was puked on.” “I mean I took a shower but-”

“The smell is definitely still very prominent.” Tony said.

“Shut the fuck up Tony.” Nat said.

“Tony is convinced he has this ‘super powerful’ nose that can detect any scent.” Wanda said.

“Yeah, you smell fine.” Bruce said.

“A little death-y.” Clint added. Nat glared at him. “What!?” “I said a little.”

“You wanna watch some TV?” Bruce asked Steve, trying to be his comforting little self.

“Yeah, sure.” Steve said walking over to the main room couch. He was followed by everyone else, and after a little while into the movie everyone was relaxed and happy. Nat was throwing Popcorn to see if Clint could catch it, Bruce was looking to make sure Steve was doing okay, and everyone else was pretty peaceful just watching the movie. Steve almost forgot about how much pain Bucky was in, almost.

In The bedroom:

Bucky felt his head throb, the splitting headache awoke him after about an hour of shallow sleep. He tried to open his eyes, but they felt swollen shut, he felt the pit of fear deep in the depths of his stomach. He put his hand up to his eyes, feeling around for anything out of the ordinary, but they seemed fine. He slowly tried to open his eyes again, and with effort he was able to pry them open. Not to see much though, his face was smashed in the pillow, and when he pulled his head up he was overwhelmed with an amazing sense of vertigo. The room span and swayed, teetering on and invisible ledge. He tried to close his eyes, but he could still feel it as he span faster and faster in circles around the room. Not ever really leaving his bed. He felt himself falling through the bed, and through the floor, hurdling into nothingness. He placed his hand on the bedpost, and with a not-so-iron grip, he tried to steady himself. His body rejected him as he vomited directly onto his shirt, it was warm, and thicker than before now that steve had made him eat a little. It was smoothly running down from the base of his neck down to the end of his shirt, he felt himself gag again, and unable to do anything to stop it more vomit pooled into his shirt, and onto his bare chest. It smelled awful, and the warmth made him nauseous. The thought of it all was enough to make him continue to gag well after he had emptied his stomach.

“Steve?” He whispered, knowing that he wasn’t in the room and could not hear him. He burped, it momentarily getting caught in his throat as he prepared to vomit again, but he had nothing left, so instead stomach acid was regurgitated up and spilled down the front of him. He felt hot, a cold sweat broke out on his forehead as he shivered despite how hot he felt. He needed Steve, he needed his help, but it was so hard to move, the fire spread down his limbs, and he was painting heavily before he was even out of bed. He was weak, and he collapsed onto the wall, catching himself just before he hit the ground. Pain rocketed through his shoulder, and spread down his side. He finally managed to get up after sitting there for a while, he had to walk maybe 2-3 feet, but he was so unsure if he could do it. He brought himself to the doorframe of the hallway into the main room, panting heavily. He had to walk to the doorway next to him, which was in front of the couch to get Steve’s attention. Then it hit him like a ton of bricks. He didn’t have his arm on. He looked down at the shoulder which should have a nice metal arm attached to it, but was instead swollen and red raw. It was loosely bandaged, and needed to be cleaned again, it was awful. Stevie. His brain backtracked, I need help.

Bucky walked the short distance to the other doorway, and hid his shoulder behind the wall, making everything visible to the Avengers but that. They looked up at the sudden presence.

“Stevie.” Bucky said very quietly, almost crying. In a quick 1-2 manor Steve was up at his side.

“Oh, Buck.” He said, kissing his head. Everyone pretended not to be interested as Steve led his vomit covered boyfriend into their room. Steve walked behind Bucky so that nobody could see his shoulder.

In the room:

As soon as the door closed Bucky started to cry. He hiccuped, and sobbed, unaware of the vomit on his chin.

“It’s okay, come ‘ere.” Steve said. “Lift your arm up.” Bucky did as told, and Steve lifted his shirt over his head. Steve noticed that under his shirt was just as dirty.

“I didn’t mean to.” Bucky sobbed. “I never meant to I-” Steve cut him off with soothing words.

“It’s totally okay, you’re okay, you’re okay.” He hummed helping Bucky to the bathroom.

“They-” He hiccuped. “Are all.” hiccup “Mad.” hiccup “at.-” hiccup “MeEeEeEe.” He said, his sobbing unevenly carrying out the last letter.

“No, no, Buck, nobody’s mad.” He cooed gently, getting a washcloth wet.

“I think I threw up on the floor.” He sheepishly said, tears still streaming down his face.

“That’s okay.” Steve said, wiping Bucky’s mouth and chin with the gentle washcloth. “Okay, Buck can you tell me how you feel, so we can fix it?”

“I don’t feel good.” He said, his voice childlike.

“I know baby, I know.” Steve said, placing Bucky’s now clean face on his chest. “Tell me what hurts.”

“I- I don’t know.” Bucky cried, more sobs racking his body.

“Shhh, shhh, that’s okay, take your time.”

“I’m trying to tell you I don’t know how.” Bucky said, snot dripping from his nose.

“You feel dizzy, stomach ache, head hurts, sick to your stomach?” “Want me to say more?” Steve said rubbing Bucky’s naked back.

“No, I got it, I uh I was dizzy, everything was all spinny and weird when I woke up.” he hiccuped, sniffling he started again. “Then I threw up, and I couldn’t stop.” He started crying.

“Hey, hey it’s okay.” Steve said. “You’re doing great.”

“I-I uh I wanted to go find you, so I tried to walk, but it was too hard, it was so hot, and I was all shaky, and I fell into the wall.” “I-I don’t know Stevie.”

“That’s okay, that’s enough you did perfect, you did so good.” He said kissing into his hair. “You wanna get cleaned up?”

“Yeah, I think so.” Bucky whined. Steve helped Bucky undress, and sit down in the bath, then he took the showerhead down, and rinsed him off, he used soap to wash his chest. Helping Bucky out of the Bath, and wrapping a towel around him, before taking another look at his shoulder.

“We need to change those?” He said pointing to the bandages.

“I- I want.” Bucky got frustrated not being able to find the words, but Steve was very patient.

“What do you want Buck?” He cooed rubbing his shoulder.

“Cold.” He said making hand motions around his left shoulder. Steve didn’t want to correct him, so he just said. “Okay, we’ll get you some ice water, okay?” gently.

“Yeah.” Bucky said relaxing against Steve as they sat down.

“Are you hungry?” Steve said, hoping he could get anything into Bucky, even something like ice cream, it didn’t matter he just needed something. Bucky shrugged, he was very dehydrated and confused, Steve knew he didn’t know if he was hungry. But it didn’t matter because he needed to eat. Bucky sat on the ground weight on the tub to support him.

“K, I’ll be right back.” Steve said.

“Is he okay?” Nat asked.

“Dude he threw up all over himself.” Clint said, eating popcorn.

“How is he?” Wanda asked.

“He’s confused, I’m gonna get him some food.” Steve said walking to the kitchen, while still talking. “His arm hurts again, he said he fell into the wall.”

“Shit, Steve let me take a look.” Bruce jumped in.

“I think he’s too tired to realise he doesn't have his arm on, but if he asks you to leave, I want you to.” Steve said.

“But if he’s in pain-” Bruce began.

“He’s been through worse, trust me, if he wants you to leave, you have to leave, because I don’t think you want him to hate himself, if it’s your fault he falls back into a deep depression, I’m not gonna let that go.” Steve said getting ice water in a bowl.

“Okay, I’ll respect what you want.” Bruce said. Steve sighed.

“Thank you.” Steve said, feeling relieved.

Bucky was dressed, he was in another T-shirt and sweatpants, I think his third outfit that day.

“Hey Buck.” Steve said sympathetically, crouching down in front of him.

“Hey.” Bucky said, his eyes closed. Steve started to un-do the bandages, and Bucky’s eyes shot open. He winced, pulling back.

“I’m so sorry.” Steve said, undoing them still. Bucky was breathing quickly and hard, the pain was very bad. Eventually Steve got them off, showing that Bucky’s shoulder looked brutal, it was red raw and swollen, he held up the ice bowl to his shoulder, and Bucky looked very relieved.

“That’s what you wanted right?” Steve asked.

“Yeah, good.”

“Feels good?” Steve asked, trying to make sense of what Bucky was saying.

“Mhm.” Bucky nodded. Steve made the signal for Bruce to come in, Bucky was very relaxed, head on Steve’s shoulder, shoulder in the ice water. He had a look of utter relaxation on his face. Bruce kneeled down.

“Hi Bucky.” He said sweetly, like how you would talk to a young child.

“Hi.” Bucky said, barely registering it, other than his brain’s automatic response.

“Can I take a look at you?”

“Sure.” Bucky said quietly, not paying attention.

“Okay, can you tell me if any of these hurt.” Bucky nodded. Bruce poked at Bucky’s appendix, he said it felt fine, stomach felt fine, lungs felt fine, his lymph nodes and esophagus he winced at causing Steve a look of worry. Bruce took off his gloves.

“Good job Bucky.” He said. “That pain is probably from throwing up so much.” “He’s dehydrated, arm pain is just raw from his metal arm, and most likely one of hydra’s mechanisms like Tony said, because usually it doesn't cause this much pain.” “It’s inflamed, your doing the right thing for it, just try to get some water and food in him, I’ll come back with some meds.”

“Thank you so much Bruce.” Steve said.

“Of course.” Bruce said, leaving.

“Okay, you gotta eat and drink something Buck.” Steve concluded.

“Mmm, I don’t wanna.” He whined.

“Doctor’s orders.” Steve said bringing in some food and water. Bucky’s arm had been re-bandaged, and he said it was feeling better. Steve was hopeful that he could keep the food down. Bucky did not want to eat, which who could blame him? His stomach was sore, and he felt like crap.

“Come on Buck, please, you drank the water really well.” Steve said, holding up some applesauce.

“No.” Bucky frowned. “Where’s my arm?” He said looking down. Now that he was hydrated he was less confused, and more aware of what was going on around him. Steve wasn’t sure if he even realized Bruce had been in here.

“It’s over there.” Steve said pointing to his arm on the counter.

“I want it back,” Bucky whispered. “Please.”

“No, not yet, it’s hurting you.” Steve said, stroking his hair. Steve helped Bucky eat some food. “You feel better?” Steve said rubbing his back.

“Yeah.” Bucky said.

“You wanna watch a movie?” Steve said. “We could watch something with everyone out in the main room-”

“My arm…” Bucky whispered.

“They won’t even notice Buck.”

“Yes they will, I look stupid. So ugly.” he whined.

“Come on Buck, I promise.” Steve said, playing with his hair.

“What if I get sick-” Bucky whispered mostly to himself, but Steve could hear him.

“That’s okay.” “They won’t mind.” “Five minutes, for me Buck.”

“Okay…” “But-” You could hear the nerves in his voice.

“If you want to leave, we can, as soon as you say the word, we’re just gonna try it.”

“Okay..” They walked out together, Bucky grabbed a blanket to put around his shoulders, and he held it in the front so that you couldn’t see his arm was missing. Even still, he was hiding behind Steve, or “walking.” behind him.

“So you guys decided to join?” Nat said moving the popcorn bowl that was holding Steve’s spot onto the floor.

“Yeah, we might just stay for a little bit.” Steve said sitting down, pulling Bucky into his lap, Bucky was sitting on Steve’s left leg, he squished his body up into the place between the cushion and the arm of the couch, and slid backwards, to even more hide the fact his arm was missing. To be honest nobody even cared, or was looking for that matter. Bucky just wanted to be safe, if anyone looked they wouldn’t see the lack of arm.

“Are you comfortable like that?” Steve asked. Bucky nodded. Bucky put his head on Steve’s shoulder while watching the movie. His hair draped in front of his face. Steve put his arm around him, Natasha was sure to keep looking over to make sure Bucky was okay, but being herself she was so inconspicuous Bucky didn’t even notice. Once Tony glanced at him and he buried himself further into the couch, and shoved his face in Steve’s shoulder. It was cold outside, so Tony had the heat on, Bucky was sweating, the added heat of the blanket, and the couch didn’t help. Not to mention Steve’s body heat. Nat looked over, seeing he was sweating she flicked Steve, and gestured for him to check on Bucky. Steve was unaware that Bucky was sweating so much until now.

“You okay?” Steve whispered to him. Usually there would be more conversation during a movie, but Tony had picked the movie, and although he was usually the most loud he kept violently shushing anybody who made a peep.

“ ‘M okay.” Bucky said swallowing hard.

“Your sweating.” Steve said, rubbing his back.

“It’s hot.” Bucky said

“Then take your blanket off.” Steve whispered. Bucky shook his head. Steve looked over at Natasha for help. She shrugged. What did he expect her to do anyway?

“Hey Tony it’s kind of hot, can you turn down the heat?” Nat asked.

“No can do, it’s set on an automatic timer, every hour or so it changes by a few degrees.” He said shoving more popcorn into his mouth as he watched what had to be the 5th car chase on screen.

“Why would you do that?” She asked. He shrugged.

“I don’t know why anyone do anything, watch the movie.” Bucky was breathing hard, only Steve could hear it, with him all pressed up to him.

“Buck, take your blanket off.” He said gently, trying to make him feel better. Bucky shook his head. “Please-”

“No.” Bucky whispered, dead serious.

“Okay, you wanna go back in the room then?” Steve whispered sweetly. Bucky shook his head. He was impossible, to be fair, he hadn't come out of the room all day, so Steve understood, but he was digging himself into this hole that he couldn’t get out of. The heat would probably make him sick again. Bucky got really tired, Steve wasn’t sure if it was from the heat, or just that he was sick.

“Stevie.” Bucky whispered. His voice was tainted with sleep.

“Mmm.” Steve said, rubbing his back.

“Can I lean on you?”

“Of course.” He cooed. Bucky laid back on Steve’s chest, he was so tired, he tried to keep his eyes open, but his eyelids regained their weight, pulling down on themselves. He blinked slowly trying to keep his eyes open to watch the movie like a child in a film. Steve started rubbing his forehead between his eyes. Bucky closed his eyes.

“It’s too hot.” He said curling up on Steve.

“I know, you wanna take this off?” He said, pulling at the Blanket.

“Yeah..” He said his voice was so tired. Bucky tried to pull it off by himself, forgetting that he didn’t have his left arm. He was semi embarrassed, but that wasn’t why his cheeks were flushed red. He was red with heat, so Steve helped him to pull off the blanket. Bucky fell asleep on Steve’s chest rather quickly. When the movie ended, and Tony turned on the lights, Nat was looking over with a sort of admiration on her face. Like they were two cute puppies in a video.

“He’s so sweet.” She said smiling looking at the sleeping figure on top of Steve.

“He’s gonna kill me when he wakes up.” Steve laughed. “I practically promised him I would take him back to the room before he fell asleep.”

“You were just enjoying the movie too much?” Tony asked, wiggling his eyebrows.

“Uh, No…” Steve scrunched his face, as much as he tried to avoid it he was semi humorless, he was really like the Avenger’s sweet old grandpa. Who happened to be in his 40’s.

Ending Note:

Thank you so much for reading my story! Sorry for the shitty ending. I feel like this deserved to be finished, before I messed it up again. There will be more parts to this “universe” , maybe some about Bucky’s struggle with self-image? Idk, let me know. I got a request while writing this story to do a scat story, which is so far out of my comfort zone, I tried my best. I am sorry to that person that the story only somewhat involves scat, and that it is not its primary focus. Thank you to @troubled_tums I used your page for ideas because scat is again not in my comfort zone. I am very sorry that this took so damn long to finish. My divorced parents had a squabble, which led to my mom preventing me from seeing my dad, which led to him calling the police and telling them my mom was abusing me, and not letting me see him. My house was searched, I had to stay with my dad, who has no wifi, so I could not write, things got a little crazy if I’m being honest. Thank you for being patient with me. I

[dontrequireyourhelp]

Dance the Blues Away

NOTE: This was supposed to be just a little drabble to show case various head canons that I had with each of the Howlies and well it turned into a long ANGST fest one shot that is riddled with my head canons and a special surprise at the end that goes along with my Bad at Retirement Verse. So you have been warned and I thank whoever actually reads this. I really appreciate it.

It was Jim’s idea. Even though he and Phillips had left the communications room, they didn’t go too far. He heard the plans she and Steve had made, heard the line go to static and knew what they had to do for her. Peggy was just as much a Howlie as the rest of them and while she and Steve shared something special, they couldn’t let Peggy feel like she was alone. She needed to know she would always have them. So that’s why, starting with Jim at 9 o’clock, they trickled into the Stork Club and danced with Peggy.

She knew it was silly to hold out hope that Steve would actually arrive but as 8 o’clock came and went, she couldn’t leave. Around 8:30 she had ordered herself a drink, claiming a table for herself. It allowed her a perfect view point of the entrance as she nursed her drink. 9 o’clock, Jim approached her, sheepish smile on his features. 

“What are you doing here?” She asked, surprised to see him.

“Well, I know I’m no Steve and I may still step on your toes but we couldn’t let you be alone tonight.”

“We?”

Jim pointed to the rest of the Howlies coming in, even Howard joined them. Peggy looked around him and the moment she saw the rest of the men who had become so much like family to her, coming to her aid, tears pooled in her eyes as she let out a soft gasp, hand lifting up to her lips. 

“So, will you have this dance with me, Peggy?” Jim asked when her focus returned to him. 

She placed her hand in his and he helped her stand before leading her out to the dance floor. “I can’t believe you organized all this.” She said as they joined the other dancers.

“I thought this would be the best way to make you smile.” He told her sincerely.

He got what he was going after, a watery smile, but a smile nonetheless. They danced silently for the rest of the song. Jim didn’t want to say the wrong thing while trying to make her laugh. Her soft smile and whispered ‘thank you’ was worth it though. He always tried to offer a joke or a quip to help lighten the mood, especially when they were out in the field. So he was glad he was still able to get a smile out of Peggy Carter.

Dernier stepped in for the next dance. “You look beautiful tonight, mademoiselle.” He complimented her as they swayed. He wasn’t much of a dancer and luckily this song was slow enough that they didn’t have to move often. 

Peggy smiled gently. “Thank you, Dernier. You’ve cleaned up rather nicely. I’m shocked you boys knew how to.” She joked with him in French.

He let out a laugh and they continued dancing in silence which spoke to much of their relationship. They worked well together, planning, strategizing, working side by side in the field. They would talk outside of the planning meetings, of course, but most of the time, they enjoyed the bit of quiet they created for each other. The silent commraderie of enjoying the liquid mud the base called coffee saying I’m here for you, I’m here with you. 

James Falsworth was next. He had been the first of the Howlies outside of Steve that she had taken to. The two Brits had to stick together afterall. Despite Falsworth being a part of the 3rd Independent Parachute Brigade, he still served in the British Armed Forces and Peggy always had a soft spot for those soldiers thanks to her brother. “I give you my deepest condolences for all this war has taken from you, Carter.”

“Thank you Falsworth. You boys didn’t have to do this, you know.”

“Now when have we ever let anyone of us go it alone?”

Tears spilled over her cheeks and she looked off to the side, not being able to face him as emotions started to choke her up. But she looked to the wrong wide. She saw the group of men that still remained, the group of Howlies, including Howard Stark who were there to make sure that she wouldn’t have to spend this night alone.

“Thank you.” She choked out through her tears as she squeezed his hand.

Dugan stepped in then, offering her a handkerchief. She took it gratefully and blotted at her tears. “I’m not going to have to worry about my feet with you, am I?” She asked when she felt like she could properly speak again.

He let out a deep chuckle. “I’m better than most of those ugly mugs over there.”

Peggy laughed softly, shaking her head.

They danced in silence for a bit until Dugan squeezed her hand. “I know we’re no Rogers but I think I speak for all of us when I say that we are all here for you. You don’t have to go it alone, Peg.”

“It seems I’m stuck with your wahooing then.” She sniffled, a small smirk on her lips.

“Don’t act like you won’t miss it once this is all over.” Dugan chuckled. “Or you could just stick with us, ya know. I’m sure we’ll be given orders shortly after the war is done. Russia’s not looking so great right now.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.” She wasn’t entirely sure where she would land after all of this but it was certainly nice to know she’d have somewhere to land in case her higher ups didn’t know what to do with her either.

Howard stepped in next and in very Howard like fashion twirled her out before bringing her back in. “Heya, pal.” He said once she was back in his arms. 

His usual quirk of his lips at the greeting wasn’t there. Instead a small frown was in it’s place. Even his eyes didn’t hold their usual sparkle and Peggy couldn’t handle it. She let out a choked sob, looking towards the band so she could try and gather herself. 

“Please don’t look at me like that.” She finally got out.

“Like what? Like you’re a complete knock out in that dress?”

She rolled her eyes and returned her focus on him, her tears still running down her cheeks. “Like I’m a grieving widow.”

She couldn’t stand it. Out of all the brothers she had earned by being accepted into the Howlies, Howard Stark was the one she most equated to a stand in Michael. Oh they were most certainly opposites but Howard believed in her, trusted her, pushed her, much how Michael had and she would always hold that dear.

He sputtered for a bit before sighing and then a little bit of that sparkle came back. “I’m going to go look for him. I’m going to bring him back, Peg.”

“How do you expect to find him when he didn’t give his coordinates?” 

“I can track the tesseract. Once I find it, I’ll be able to find Steve.”

“And you’re sure finding the tesseract has absolutely nothing to do with this search of yours?”

Before Howard could respond, Gabe stepped in. “We agreed no shop talk so I’m here to relieve you from it.” Gabe said with a small smirk.

Peggy smiled gratefully. “You didn’t come over when Dugan offered me a permanent spot with the Howlies.”

Gabe shrugged. “Yeah, well, that’s useful shop talk.”

“I’m grateful to have met you all.” Peggy finally said after a few moments of silence, tears steadily streaming down her face as she thought about the ones who showed up for her and the ones who couldn’t. “I don’t know how I would have managed without you lot as utterly ridiculous as you all are.”

“I think you would have managed just fine but I am glad that we all managed to find each other too. Things have been a little easier to bear with everyone around.”

Peggy nodded in agreement. “What would have happened if he would have actually been here?” She asked between sniffles.

Gabe sighed. He knew that places like the Stork Club were meant to offer hope during all the bad that surrounded them but answering this one simple question gutted him more than the thought of Peggy having come here in the hopes that Steve would have shown. But they always seemed to have the hard conversations. “We would have cheered, probably poked fun a little before letting you two have your moment to be Steve and Peggy on their official first date.”

~

Many years later, Peggy Carter once again had to say goodbye to Steve Rogers after a particularly hard battle. 

After she said goodbye to the last person who came to pay their respects she let out a huff and leaned against her now closed door. She could hear Bucky, the only person who stayed behind after the funeral reception, in the kitchen putting stuff in the sink before some soft music began to play.

Opening her eyes, there was Bucky Barnes standing in the middle of her living room looking a bit unsure. 

“So I was talking to Morita’s grandson and he told me this story about how Morita and the rest of the Howlies along with Howard came to the Stork Club and danced with you all night to help say goodbye to Steve. And well, I thought, maybe I could do that now, since I couldn’t the first time.” He held out his hand for her and she let out a choked sob as she nodded, taking his hand.

They swayed to the music in silence for a bit, slowly going from a respectable distance to Peggy having her head resting on his shoulder. “You know at one point I never thought this was possible.” He said after a few moments after thinking about how much the both of them had gone through in order to get to this exact point.

Peggy let out a watery laugh. “We got along just fine in the end.”

“He loved you so damn much and was fucking proud of you too.” 

“I know. He was so proud of you as well, and loved you just as much.”

It was Bucky’s turn to let out a watery laugh. “I’m not him, nor will I ever be, but I’ve always got your six.” He said as his voice cracked from his own tears.

Peggy moved so she could wrap her arms around his shoulders and hug him tight. Tears began streaming down her face. “And I will try to not make it so difficult.” She laughed a bit with nostalgia as the many conversations they shared post ops about how she made it difficult to follow her and protect her because she would go places out of his scope. “In all seriousness, however, you’ve got me in your corner until the end of my days.”

Bucky’s arms moved to wrap around her waist, holding her close as they both mourned losing one of the most important people in their lives.

[gustafsnightangel]

A Softer Side Part 6

“Sounds good.”

“I’d be there in person but I can’t leave. We need to keep her hidden and alive.”

“Absolutely.” Steve paused. “Have you heard from Meekland?”

“She fired me and Jerry.”

“Same with me and Davis. Good to know we’ve been given the green light to fuck shit up.”

“Oh we’re going to do more than fuck it up.” Strand chuckled.

“You sniffing something boss?” He could hear the grin in Wainwright’s voice.

“We have the syndicate and all their buyers and sellers. Once this trio of girls have been sold for the year we’re going to razz their entire operation to the ground.”

“Count me in.”

“Absolutely.” He eyed Ayla as she jumped out of her chair and moved to him, the urgent look on her face piqued his interest. “I’ll get Jerry to open a link between us and forward the information we have.”

“I’ll do the same.” Strand hung up as Ayla tapped him on the arm lightly and waved him to follow.

“Slow down Ayla.” He said gently, knowing the speed at which she was moving was painful to her. She pointed to a photo of Meekland on one of the monitors and tapped a few keys bringing up all the information on his boss. Some of it he knew, some of it he didn’t. “What’s the connection?” His brow furrowed as she tapped her DNA laptop and turned it for him to see the screen. Tapping her photo on the large monitor she then tapped her laptop. “That’s Meekland?” He asked looking at her with bewilderment and she nodded. There was more than tears in her eyes, there was sorrow, remorse. “You’re sure?” She nodded and pointed to herself and then at Meekland. “You knew her?”She nodded. “Was she one of the stolen infants?” She nodded again and opened up another file on her laptop. Strand began to read as she sat, eyes watching him intently.

“I know this is an old photo but why is this guy familiar?” He said and tapped her laptop screen without thinking and it went dark. “Shit sorry.” She logged back in and shrugged as if it were no big deal. Turning to the bank of monitors she brought up the commanding officer of their department, Meekland’s boss. “Oh fuck me.” He breathed. “I never saw it.” He felt his gut plummet. All this time they’d been fucking each other, the dominance play, he’d never even considered. He felt sick as his thoughts churned along with his stomach. “He bought her.” He stated more than asked.

Ayla’s hand rested on his to comfort, but he flinched and slapped it away, not caring if it hurt, not giving a shit as she scrambled away. He recoiled violently at the thoughts screaming through his head. Standing abruptly he walked away without a word, needing space, needing to crawl out of his own skin, needing to fucking breathe.

“Karl.” Mia said sternly as he stormed past her and out the French doors. “What the fuck was that?” She snapped.

“She was one of them Mia.” He spat pacing the dirt. “Sarah Meekland.”

“That’s not what I’m talking about. You slapped Ayla’s hand away, did you forget what ninth circle of hell you just pulled her from?” She seethed.

All Strand could do was glare at her.

“She was only doing what you asked her to do. Just because you found out something about an ex girlfriend that even your black heart managed to love doesn’t give you the right to slap her away and treat her like shit.”

“I never said I loved her and we’re not together.”

“You didn’t have to, it’s practically written over your face.” She snarked.

“Don’t you fucking dare.” He warned, he was in no mood for her sarcasm or teasing.

“You fucked her again didn’t you? After everything she put you through the first time, you fucked her again?” She said in disbelief.

“We both needed to blow off steam.” He mumbled. “It’s just sex.”

“Ok sure, I get that, but despite who she is and how she was raised, she nearly killed you Strand, you do remember that yes?”

“Fuck you Mia.”

“No.” She snarled and got in his face, which for a petite girl of 5’ 2”, was impressive. “Fuck you. I was the one who had to bring you back from the brink after that op went south on her orders, so fuck you Karl.” She drilled a finger into his chest. “You almost died in my fucking arms.” She spat, the tears in her voice evidence of how much she cared about him. “So fuck you for doing the one thing I asked you not to do, to not get personally involved with that soul sucking bitch again.” He reached for her. “Don’t you fucking touch me.” She snarled and slapped his hand away, the contact painful. “You treat Ayla like that again and I’ll fucking murder you in your sleep. You were right, you’re no good for her.” The barb struck deep as it had been intended. “You’re such an asshole.” She turned and walked back inside, it was only then he saw Ayla at the door, witness to everything they’d just said, turn, and disappear from view.

“Fuck!” He snarled, the overwhelming urge to shoot something thrumming through him.

It took him nearly an hour to pace and calm down, the look skyward at the stars and the moon making him feel so much worse than Ayla hearing his dirty laundry. “Well, I’ve been trying to tell you I’m an asshole, now you know.” He breathed and mentally kicked himself. “Fucking relationships.” He growled, sitting in the dirt he stared at the moon. Every interaction, every moment with Sarah went through his head, pulling it apart, analyzing it. The sex between them had always been consensual, had always been rough. Not once had she uttered her safe word or a color for stop, and her pain threshold was virtually non existent. “That should have been a red flag right there.” He muttered. How was he to know who she really was, her background, her upbringing?

******

It was almost midnight when he ventured back inside, the house quiet. Thinking everyone had gone to bed he turned for the rec room and saw Ayla still working hard and his heart cracked, had he hurt her too? Mia was nowhere to be found and Jerry’s door was shut which meant he was probably passed out.

He went to take a shower, the need to feel clean before he tried to mend the rift with Ayla. When he came back out she wasn’t at the computer. Standing at her bedroom door he saw the silhouette of her tiny body curled up, pressed against the wall. “Sweet girl.” He choked and walked to her, she shrank back as he sat next to her. “I know you’re angry at me and I’m sorry, but don’t sleep here sweet girl, get comfortable and warm in bed.” She shook her head and pulled away from him, the keening whimper warning him to back off. “Ok.” He sighed. “Ok. You can come lay down with me when you’re ready too.” She wanted nothing to do with him, that vacant stare breaking him, he’d caused that. He’d caused her to withdraw, to scamper away from him like a kicked puppy. Climbing into the bed he could hear the soft sobs and knew he may never get her to trust him again.

Karl woke to an empty room, the other side of the bed undisturbed, she’d slept on the floor all night and disappeared before he’d woken. “Back to square one.” He sighed to the ceiling and felt like the asshole he was. Venturing to the rec room he saw Jerry hard at work, the girls nowhere to be seen.

“Morning boss.”

“Morning. Mia and Ayla?” He asked taking a seat and watching the feed of the prime merch factory.

“No clue but our feed is up.”

“Thanks.” He said quietly.

“Not me, Ayla had it up last night.” He said pointing at the monitor. “She found background on all of them, the missing pieces from her laptop.”

“Pity we can’t print it off.”

“She did, well, sort of.” Jerry looked at him. “She didn’t show you?”

“Show me what?” He snarled.

Jerry pulled her DNA laptop over and started to pull up the data.

“How come you can touch it?” He asked growled.

“She gave me access, to everything.” Strand touched the screen and it shut down.

“No surprises there.” He growled.

“Did something happen I don’t know about?” Jerry asked and Karl pinched the bridge of his nose as he told Jerry what happened last night. “Oh.” He said simply.

“Yeah, I fucked up.” Karl scrubbed a hand over his face and paced. “So where do we stand with all the information, the case?” He had to just get on with it.

“The prime merch is under surveillance, we have background and parental info. Once we shut this down we can reunite. Ayla found the link to the milk money and I was right, runaways and homeless, the occasional school kid but those were borderline runaways. She’s taken every missing persons list from every county nationwide and run it against the websites buy/sell list, we’re still getting hits and that list is going to be astronomical. The websites have been up and running since the dawn of the internet.”

“So this goes deeper than Allen Raven.”

“Much deeper, though that part of the case will be for another time, we’re still collecting info.” Jerry leaned back in his chair and pulled the laptop into his lap. “The op is set, we have weeks to observe, but where it gets interesting is where Meekland’s involved. This asshole.” He tapped the screen in front of him and a photo of her boss filled it. “Is a prime merch purchaser. He’s a prime asshole too, but we’ll shelve that rant for another day. He’s purchased six girls over the past thirty years funneling money from the company we’re a part of, correction, were a part of. That’s a girl every five years, Meekland was, or is, his first, and he’s up for a new girl this year. He usually takes the third 16 year old prime Raven has to offer.”

“Good, we’ll be geared up to take his ass down. What happened to the others?” Strand asked already knowing the answer.

“We’re still running the searches for them. They’re either dead or chained somewhere much like Ayla was. There’s also connections to others in the department, some on Meekland’s list, some that Ayla found on top of it.”

“She’s uncovered all of this?” He looked at Jerry.

“I’m only just scratching the surface of information she has on here.” He said tapping her laptop. “Every transaction, every girl, prime down to milk money, every client and what they like.”

“She’s trying to right wrongs that aren’t even hers.” He murmured, echoing Mia’s words from the other day.

“She’s trying to help you.” Jerry said gently.

“I really fucked up didn’t I?”

“Yeah you did boss, but she’ll come around, give her time.”

“And what if she doesn’t?”

“She will, she loves you, you saved her.” Hunt said gently.

“I hit her.” Strand snarled.

“You slapped her hand away, it’s not the same as what was done to her and you know it.” Jerry said finding his spine.

“It may as well have been a full on backhand across the face.”

“Boss, that’s not who you are, but you did it and you can’t take it back.”

“No I can’t, and she may never trust me again.”

“Give her some time, Mia too.” Hunt said and got back down to it knowing Karl wasn’t one to talk about his feelings. They were all on edge, maybe the distance was for the best.

******

Strand spent the day reading and compiling notes on their next op, monitoring the feed from Wainwright. When it was apparent the girls were not going to surface he set his own searches to run, his own lists to compile and went to bed early, Jerry doing much the same. This would be their routine for the following weeks leading up to the op.

He was restless, the thoughts of what he’d done to Ayla, to Mia, how did he fix it? Time sure, mending the rift with Mia was easy enough, it wasn’t the first time they’d gone head to head, but Ayla? He may never be able to fully mend that chasm between them now. “Mia was right, I’m no fucking good for you sweet girl.” He growled and punched the pillow trying to make it more comfortable. “No fucking good at all.”

******

The following morning Strand made his way out to a silent house, the girls were still tucked away somewhere, his only concern was Ayla. Was she eating, sleeping, was she ok? Mia, he knew would surface eventually and they’d snarl at each other again for a while and things would get back to normal. Ayla on the other hand, she was alone again, he’d left her alone, the one thing he’d promised he wouldn’t do. With his thoughts on Ayla he sat and noticed his searches were complete, his notes compiled, and new searches running along roughly the same lines as his thoughts were at the new data.

“Ayla left that running for you this morning.” Jerry said as he sat, handing a coffee to Karl.

“She...” He breathed. “Was Mia with her?” He asked and Jerry shook his head.

“I haven’t seen Mia.” He said and Strand nodded.

“She’ll be back when she’s ready to strip another layer of skin from my hide.” He snarked and sipped his coffee. “Quite rightly.” He added in a low growl.

Settling in at the computer he got to work, more reading, more notes, more tugging loose ends to see what they unraveled. Jerry did much the same, the pair working in a comfortable silence. That would be their routine for the next few weeks. Get up, silently thank Ayla for finding whatever she was able to find for him and Jerry, work, sleep, rinse, repeat.

He put Ayla out of his mind as much as he could, he had to if this op was going to be successful, which was increasingly difficult as the days turned into weeks. He missed her, that slight smile, her touch, her kiss, the way she looked at him as if he was her whole world.

“Shit.” He snarled one night as he sat outside looking up at the moon, the soft halo that surrounded it. “That’s because you are her whole world you fuckhead.” He swore, this was all she knew outside of the concrete shit hole Raven had put her in, he was all she knew. Coming back into the house he wasn’t expecting to see Ayla at the computers, working hard to find them whatever lead she could. He felt his breath rush out at the sight of her, she’d put on weight, the gaunt, frail look gone from her limbs.

Without hesitation he walked to her and dropped to his knees beside her, he’d grovel if he had to, anything to make it right. He saw her hands freeze on the keys as he turned her chair and rested his forehead on her knees.

“I’m sorry.” He choked. “I’m so fucking sorry.” He knew this had freaked her out just by the way she sat stock still, barely breathing. He kept his hands in his lap, not trusting himself to touch her in case he damaged their tenuous relationship any further. “Nothing, absolutely nothing excuses my behavior, for slapping your hand away, for terrifying you, hurting you. I’m sorry.” He stared at her bare feet, her toenails painted a sunny yellow, the manacle marks at her ankles only a slightly darker shade of pink now instead of angry red welts, the silver scars from years of wearing them like a spiderweb. “I’m no good for you, but I know I’m all you’ve got. I’ll do better.” He left it there, half expecting the silence that followed, half terrified she’d push him away. When her shaky hand cupped the side of his head tenderly he almost choked on a sob. “I don’t deserve you, someone as forgiving as you.” He whispered and leaned into her hand eager to feel more of her, that loving touch he craved.

Her finger hooked under his chin and she tugged enough for him to lift his head, a silent plea to look at her. He felt his heart lurch as he laid eyes on her face for the first time in nearly three weeks. Sea green eyes looked back, intense, sharp, loving. The weight she’d put on had filled out her cheeks, the hollow look gone without a trace of the tortured woman beneath.

“I’m so sorry.” He whispered, his voice catching and the slight smile that tugged the corners of her mouth melted him as she brushed a thumb over his lips. Melted, him, the asshole Karl Strand, on his knees, a fucking mess at her feet.

The ping of the computer had her head whip around. She studied the data, as he studied her, before turning back to face him. Her eyes searched his and before he could stop her she kissed him, that slow burn that told him she’d not only forgiven him, that she wanted more, it spoke of a love he wasn’t entirely sure he was worthy of. Turning back to the screen she dropped her hand from his face and with a few keystrokes pulled up the data he’d been searching for earlier.

“I’m sorr...” She touched a finger to his lips and shook her head, it was finished now. He stayed where he was, reading the data she’d pulled up, her hand casually resting on his shoulder, fingers absently toying with the collar of his shirt. It was such a tender intimacy he’d never had before and it floored him.

“Thank you for you help the past few weeks.” He said softly as his emotions settled. “Jerry and I have been able to get this case organized and progressing. We’d still be neck deep in it if we didn’t have your help.” She looked at him and he felt her eyes search his face, her soft kiss melting him again.

A little after three she set a few searches to run and pushed back her chair to stand. Karl was still on his knees, not game to move from his spot, terrified the spell would be broken and this little slice of peace with her would be taken from him. He looked up at her, the rich whisky colored hair framing her face, damn she was stunning. Holding out her hand for his, he chuckled. This was a turn of events he thought, the slight smile telling him it wasn’t lost on her either. He stood, his tall frame dwarfing hers, the urge to kiss her, hold her, overwhelming. Taking his hand in hers she led him to her room. He stopped on her threshold and looked at her. “Sweet girl.” He breathed as she tugged his hand. “I don’t know if this is a good idea.” His gentle tone trying to ease her into the rejection. He couldn’t sleep with her tonight even though his body yearned for it. His emotions were a mess and if he fucked this up now they’d be done forever.

Her eyes pleaded and the hand in his shook slightly. “I want to, but...” She shook her head and tugged his hand. Stepping into the room she surprised him when she shut the door quietly behind him. He looked around her room, it too had changed, there were books on the nightstand, clothes in the closet he could see via the slightly open door. Mia had taken her shopping, or online shopping at least. He watched as she sat on the bed and patted her hand on the covers.

“You sure sweet girl?” He asked and at her nod he walked to the other side and climbed in. Watching her she climbed under the covers, switched the lamp off, and tentatively moved closer to him, the need to feel her in his arms making his fingers itch. With the moonlight streaming through the open curtains he let his eyes adjust to the glow. Her fingers twitched as they touched his arm, still unsure and timid of sleeping beside him in a bed. He was about to suggest he go sleep in his room when she shifted, laying beside him, body flush with his, her hand fisted in his shirt as her head rested on his bicep. “Sweet girl.” He breathed and wrapped his arms around her slowly, the press of her against him stirring something inside him that should have stayed dormant. “I missed you.” He whispered and kissed her head, the scent of her clouding his mind, his reasoning, his judgement. “I’m so sorry.” Her head tipped back to look at him as her fingers trailed thought his scruff, those soft lips brushing his tenderly. “Sleep sweet girl, we both need sleep.” Because if she kept touching and kissing him like this he would fuck her to satisfy his own craving for her. She curled into him, her head burrowing under his chin and relaxed. Holding her close he leveled out his breathing and willed his over confident cock to stand down. How the fuck did he end up with these sorts of feelings for her?

He felt her plummet into sleep, but his mind raced. She looked peaceful in his arms, the weeks of food, water, sleep, and safety blossoming her into a very attractive woman. “Sweet girl you undo me, make me feel things I’m not sure I have the right to feel.” He murmured into the night, the scent of her filling his senses and pulling him under. “I’m still no good for you.” He mumbled.

******

He woke with a start as she shifted, the sun painting the sky beyond the curtains pretty colors. They’d only been asleep for a few hours and he growled as he hit the button to close the curtains for more darkness. She trembled as the sun disappeared, the soft blue glow from the curtains the only light in the room. “You’re safe sweet girl, sleep some more.” He cuddled her in close, the softness of her body a sharp contrast to the body he’d held weeks ago after bringing her out of the concrete prison she’d been forced to live in. She turned into him, face buried into his chest, the soft whimper tearing at him. “You’re safe with me.” He brought his arms around her tighter and kissed her forehead, sleep still held her just as tightly. “You’re always safe with me.” Her body slowly went lax, the warmth from him soothing her as much as his voice.

******

He woke hours later to the prickly feeling he was being watched. His eyes snapped open to see those sea green pools staring at him from under dark lashes. If things weren’t as fragile as they were he would have stripped them both naked and taken her. He found being this close to her, with that look made his blood boil in the most erotic way. “You have the prettiest eyes sweet girl.” He murmured, his voice husky with need. Feeling this way about her wasn’t healthy. She tilted her head back, stretched up, and kissed him. “We can’t Ayla.” He breathed as he pulled back, fuck this was killing him. “I...” She kissed him again sweetly and pulled back the covers. “I’m not good for you.” He said as she climbed out of bed, the flat look she gave him was one of annoyance, she didn’t want to hear it. “Fuck me.” He swore as she closed the bathroom door. “I’m trying to do the right fucking thing here.” He sighed to the ceiling.

He couldn’t get involved with her. Once the case was finished, what then, he wasn’t the settling down type. He didn’t want to play happy families. And he sure as hell wasn’t going to fuck her and leave her, she didn’t deserve that, didn’t deserve the domination game he liked to play. He played hard and rough and that was far from what she needed. Sex for him was explosive, was a primal need to be sated, to take and give only what he allowed, where he was in control, he was the one making choices. It was always concentual, but his tastes ran a little wild.

Dressed she came out of the bathroom and glanced at him before disappearing, closing the door behind her. He ripped off the covers off angry at himself, fuming at this whole fucked up situation. Heading back to his own bathroom he shucked his sweats and shirt and stroked his raging hard cock, fuck he needed release.

Under the hot spray he soaped up and began to find it, the image of Ayla invading his mind. His hand pumping slowly as if he was sinking into her, her tightness enveloping him. Letting his fantasy run wild he took her with his mind, every inch of her devoured while he fucked her. His soft grunt as he came more a sigh as he rode the pleasure the mere thought of fucking her gave him. Rinsing off he turned the water off and wrapped a towel at his hips. Staring in the mirror he was disgusted with himself. “You have no business lusting after that woman.” He snarled at his reflection. “She doesn’t need your shit you asshole.” He dressed and headed out to hunt down some food.

******

Seeing Ayla at the workstation with Jerry he smiled, she was looking good and seemed happy. Mia glared at him from the kitchen and he thought now was as good a time as any to clear the air between them.

“I apologized to Ayla last night.” He said softly and took a seat on the opposite side of the kitchen island, he wasn’t completely stupid. “On my knees.”

“As you fucking should.” She growled.

“Mia, I really want to move on from this, for her sake, but if we need to go a round where you beat the shit out of me for it then step the fuck outside.” His tone was irritated, he wanted to move them all past this.

“I’m not as naïve as she is Strand. I know what you’re capable of and exactly what you are.”

“I’m an asshole, I’ve never lied to her about that. I even reiterated that last night. I’m an asshole and I don’t deserve her, but as you keep pointing out, it’s her fucking choice.”

“You can always say no.” She ground out.

He stalked around the island and got in her face, in her space. “I have. Repeatedly.” His glare lit the fire in her eyes. “Take a swing Mia, you’ll only get one.”

“You fucking know ones all I need.”

“Then consider it a free pass.” He welcomed her violence, the pain would be better than the ache in his heart for Ayla.

“You’re in love with her.” She whispered, the realization dropping from her lips seriously as she clued into the internal pain he was feeling.

“I don’t know what I feel for her Mia, and that terrifies me.” He backed off, his eyes flicking to the rec room entrance. “She’s the complete opposite to what I’m usually interested in. Sex aside because it’s not happening, what do I have to offer her? I’m a loner, I’m a prick, I’m controlling, I’m everything she shouldn’t want to ever see again after what she’s been through.”

“She doesn’t see it that way Karl. God you’re so thick sometimes.” She blurted out suddenly exasperated. “You’re the first male to care about her, and despite the situation of how you met, she loves you. She’s discovering who she is and what she likes.”

“I don’t want to hurt her, intentionally or not, I can’t bear to see her in pain or upset, it fucking guts me Mia.”

“You’re helping her find her way Strand, it’s a big deal for her.”

“Has she talked to you?” He asked.

“No, she hasn’t uttered a word to me. We did girly things, shopped online, ate ice cream watched some movies. I gave her a taste of what normal single girls do.” She looked at him. “She not naïve about sex, she didn’t get upset at sex scenes in the movies we watched, she knows the difference between what was done to her and what’s normal.”

“My sexual taste is a little on the wild side Mia and you know that.”

“You’re never going to know hers if you push her away and deny her.”

“I like the domination the spanking, the hand at the throat, and I like it rough, I highly doubt she’ll be into that.” He growled.

“Like I said, you’ll never know if you don’t talk to her. She’ll find her voice when you do Karl. You want her to talk to you, to open up? You need to do the same.” She sat the coffee in front of him and took a bowl of ice cream in for Ayla, he smirked at that, it had become her normal.

******

Each night Ayla curled up with him he thought about what to say to her, chewed on Mia’s words. In the morning he would shower after her and stroke himself until he came, thinking of her and those sea green eyes he’d fallen in love with. Did he love her or was it just lusting after her because they’d been forced together? During the day the four of them worked, the sell date creeping forward, the methodical task of closing the net and catching every last one of these monsters. Then and only then could he really dive into his feelings for Ayla and determine a way forward, that’s if she didn’t make his choice for him in the mean time.

******

As the days crawled toward the second auction Ayla had settled. Working with Jerry, curling up at night with Karl, spending more time venturing outside to unwind with Mia. Strand had noticed the spark in her, taking chances, making choices, becoming herself. She was still reserved and calculating, but more at ease with the three of them.

“I have a question.” Jerry said as they sat around the dinner table one night. “In a few days the auction is going to go live, because, hey, we’re the ones initiating it. But will they be expecting an infant to turn up as per usual?” Karl looked at him and thought about it.

“I would assume so.” He mused. “The switch happened after he’d kidnapped the child, it was when he dropped it off that he collected the teen.”

“We might have a problem then. If they’re expecting a baby for the teen, we’re fucked.”

“Not necessarily.” Mia said. “You can always lock it down when you collect the teen. No one in or out.”

“Another question is will they hand over the teen to someone that’s not Raven?” Jerry said softly.

“You’re full of good cheer tonight.” Karl said sarcastically as he tossed his cutlery on the plate. “Plan B?”

“We don’t have one.”

“We better make one.” He growled. “Could Davis or Wainwright pass for Raven with some help?” He asked Mia.

“I can work on it, have them send a scan of their bone structure and I can work some magic.”

“It was a quick handover and in the dark.”

“Burke will be on that night, we’ll get her to answer the door. Maybe he had trouble getting an infant? Would they accept that?” Karl mused and watched as Ayla slipped away and came back with her DNA laptop. She silently worked on something while they tossed ideas around and he mentally kicked himself he hadn’t thought of this issue sooner. Had your mind been where it should be, he scolded himself, on the op and all the logistics that went with it, this would have been rectified weeks ago not days before. Instead you’re off chasing a piece of ass that you shouldn’t be tangoing with.

“I don’t see why not, it’s his operation.” Jerry shrugged.

Ayla looked at Karl. “What is it sweet girl?” Her eyes flicked to everyone in the room and she turned the laptop around. Strand scanned the list. “The dates are different.” He looked at her. “For the ones you highlighted. He’s had issues with snatching a kid on the anniversaries in the past.” She nodded. “We can use that. At least this isn’t going to be a once off.” There was sorrow in her eyes tonight, the case and what they had to do weighing on her, her own trauma and history. “Thanks.” He smiled at her and she nodded again as Mia dished up ice cream. He watched Ayla take her bowl and laptop back and get down to work again. “She’s already feeling it.” Strand said quietly to the other two. “The case, the apprehension, the pressure.”

“She feels powerless.” Mia said and took another bite of strawberry ice cream. “Vulnerable. She knows she’s safe, but she knows other aren’t and she can’t stop what’s happening.”

“She’s helping though.” Strand said as he saw her pull more data up on screen and run more searches.

“Maybe you should tell her that.” She shrugged. “She feels responsible Karl, and I know that sounds ridiculous, but she was with him for her entire life, watched as he destroyed others. She was powerless in the literal sense, she’s not now.”

“Righting wrongs that aren’t hers.” He sighed.

“We know that.” Mia said, leaving it hanging, she squeezed his shoulder as she walked to the kitchen.

They continued to work the slight change to the op, Mia and Jerry finding their beds at around 11, Ayla was still plowing through data. Strand sat next to her as he compiled op notes to send to the team and setup a call tomorrow to run through it. He saw the tears, her eyes intent on her work, the fact she ignored them breaking his heart.

“Sweet girl.” He sighed and brushed a knuckle against her cheek. Her fingers hastily scrubbed them away and she shook her head before trying to focus on her tasks. Pushing herself, he thought, pushing so hard to save them. “Ayla? None of this is your fault, you’re not responsible fo...” She pushed his hand away and shook her head. “You’re not.” Her tears turned into sobs. “Look at me.” He said gently. “Please.” Those stormy ocean green eyes held pain and anger when they looked back. “You had no choice but to do as he commanded.” He started. “None.” His fingers held her under the chin tenderly, his thumb stroking her tears away. “You were stolen, abused, used, you’re not responsible for what you had to do to stay alive and to keep him from torturing you.” His voice cracked at the keening sound coming from her. “You’re a good person sweet girl, you’re here helping. We didn’t ask, you made a choice to help the other girls. Made the choice to help us shut down the auctions, to get the girls to safety.” As he watched her those eyes saw parts of himself he couldn’t hide, parts he struggled to bury. “This is not your burden Ayla, that’s all on Allen Raven. You’re allowed to be angry at him, but not yourself. You had no choice back then sweet girl, none of this is your fault.” She nodded and he raked his fingers through her hair gently cupping her head and urging her close. Crawling into his lap she wept for the girls, for her part in it, for herself. “My sweet Ayla.” He murmured as he soothed her.

The tears subsided and she sat in his lap staring at the screens, that vacant look in her eyes, it had been weeks since she’d retreated inward. Setting a few searches to run overnight he lifted her into his arms and carried her to the bedroom. He tucked her in and reassured her he wasn’t leaving for long, before taking care of his business in the bathroom. Leaving the curtains open wide he curled in behind her, his body cradling hers, protecting, soothing. She eventually rolled over, those slender fingers fisting in his shirt, her head using his bicep as a pillow. It had become their normal which Strand knew would be harder when it came time for him to leave. “Sleep now sweet girl, you’re safe. I’ll keep you safe.” For as long as I can, he added silently.

******

He woke to Ayla still huddled into him, the fragility of her blindingly obvious. Resting his lips on her head after a kiss he combed his fingers through her hair in an attempt to soothe her awake. “I don’t know what I feel when I’m with you.” He said quietly. “I don’t know if it’s love or lust, whether it’ll last beyond our time here. I don’t know if I should keep you at arms length for your own protection or for mine. Sometimes I’m not sure starting something with you is a good idea, but then when I’m near you I crave every inch of you.” He kissed her head again and breathed her in. “It terrifies me.” He whispered. “I don’t know how to be what you need me to be.” Her head tipped back and soulful eyes pinned him.

Her fingers toyed with his scruff and held him there as she kissed him, slow and tender. She was so giving, he thought, he’d done nothing to deserve that. “You sleep ok?” He asked changing topics quickly before he ended up doing something he’d regret, her nod set him at ease. “You don’t have to sit through the op review or any of it if you don’t want to.” She shook her head and started to get up. “Stay a minute.” He said quickly. “Please.” She snuggled back in and let him hold her, the feel of her hair between his fingers soothing him more than her.

******

He showered first, the op review looming closer by the minute and he wanted his thoughts in order. Leaving her to sleep some more he sat with a coffee and got down to business.

“Ayla not up yet?” Jerry asked as he sat with his own coffee.

“Rough night.” Karl thumbed through his file. “She blames herself.”

“Damn.”

“Yeah. She’s retreated inward a little which is understandable.” He tossed the file on the desk and brought up the prime merch feed. “I gave her an option of not joining us for the takedown, it’ll be her choice whether she joins us or not.”

“Fair call.”

“If only.” He sighed and scrubbed a hand over his face as he punched in the number for the team and bringing them online for their briefing.

******

“It’s a solid plan Strand.” Davis rasped. “We’ll have the girl safely stashed away before the auction goes online.”

“You sure you’re ok for this?” Karl asked as he stared at the dark bruising against Davis’s throat.

“It sounds worse than it is.” He chuckled, which sounded like he’d smoked ten packs a day for a hundred years.

“Coms check and in position by 22:30. I want to watch the outside of the building for a while, make sure we’re not walking into something we’re not prepared for.”

“Copy that boss.”

With the briefing done and their operation stitched up tightly Strand wandered back to Ayla’s room. Curled up in a tight ball in the middle of the bed, she barely registered he’d appeared in front of her.

“Sweet girl.” He murmured. “You’re not alone, I’m right here.” He stroked her cheek gently before laying down next to her. His huge hands stroked and soothed gently until her body uncoiled and she looked at him. Her finger played with his scruff, as if it reassured her it was him. “Hey there sweet girl.” He smiled at her and her lips twitched into that half smile. What he wouldn’t give, he thought, to see a full happy smile, hear a belly laugh. Her finger trailed to his chest where it fanned out, the need to ground herself, feel safe. “You’re safe.” She nodded and looked up at him. “You hungry?” She shrugged. “I think Mia stashed some chocolate chip ice cream in the freezer earlier.” He grinned. “How about we go eat some?” He kissed her brow and she shook her head. “Tummy upset?” She nodded. Stress, fear, grief, he was so not equipped for handling this. “Understandable.” He kissed her brow again and just held her.

She drifted back to sleep, Karl able to separate himself from her to grab some dinner and make a mug of soup for her.

“She still in bed?” Mia asked as she stacked the dishwasher.

“Yeah, tired, overwhelmed, stressed. She blames herself.” He said quietly and Mia nodded. “I’m turning in for the night, staying close to her.” He mumbled and headed off to her room, but not before seeing the smirk plastered across Mia’s face. He felt ridiculous. He was a grown ass man getting all soft on a girl he had no business getting soft over.

He managed to persuade her to eat half the monster cup of soup he brought in, nibbled on the dark rye bread she liked. Sitting, legs stretched out he was consumed by his thoughts. Thoughts of past relationships, if he was being honest with himself he’d never had a long term relationship, it was one night stands or an arrangement like he and Meekland had. He hadn’t even contemplated that clusterfuck, was she loyal to her owner or to the girls, the case? Where did their relationship fit into it all, had she used him, too blinded by what he thought was love to see it? Was that why he couldn’t admit he loved Ayla? He watched her set the cup of soup aside and visit the bathroom. Was he in love with her? The eternal batchelor? Just be what and who she needs, he thought, as she climbed back into bed and curled up at his hip. A while later he lay behind her and cocooned her with his frame, safe, secure, dare he think it, loved.

******

The morning of the op he had to separate himself from her, get his head in the game, do his damn job. He pulled her from sleep gently, those eyes fluttering open as his fingertips brushed the hair from her face. “Morning sweet girl.” His smile brought that twitch to her lips he liked. “I have to get to work, I need to prepare for tonight.” She nodded but her hand gripped and scrunched his shirt. “I’ll be right here in the house, safe with you.” She nodded again. “I need to know you’ll be ok while I’m taking care of these assholes.” She pressed her face against his chest and relaxed, her grip on his shirt lessening. Nodding she looked up at him before her lips claimed his. It floored him every time she did that, made him feel emotions he wasn’t ready to handle. He deepened it, fingers raking through her hair to cup her head, greedy for a taste of her, to feel her, his cock stirring to life at the rush.

Resting his forehead on hers he eased away before he took it a step further. “I wish you’d talk to me.” His voice husky. “I’m skating a moral line with you. I want to do right by you, not take advantage of you or the situation, but at the same time I want to throw caution to the wind and give you what you want, what you’re asking for. Sex with me isn’t gentle Ayla, I like it rough, I like to dominate, and honestly, that’s the last kind of lover I want to be if I’m with you. Because I know it’ll hurt you, not physically, even I have lines I won’t cross, but psychologically.” He looked down into those pretty eyes. “I can’t do anything that might hurt you sweet girl. It’ll end me.” He kissed her brow and lingered. “It guts me when you cry, like there’s a tangible bond between us. I don’t know how to handle this, to do what’s right for both of us, I just don’t know. And though with most women I’d wing it, you’re different. So different that I want to do it right. And I’m fucking rambling.” He huffed a chuckle. “You’ve got me all tied up in knots.” She stretched up and kissed him, his soft groan into her mouth startling him. “I don’t deserve you, deserve what you freely want to give me. I’ll only disappoint you sweet girl.” She shook her head as if to say no you wont or you haven’t yet.

“I need to go to work.” He needed to step away to collect himself. She nodded and smoothed a hand over his chest. “I won’t deny I have feelings for you Ayla, I’m just terrified at what that’ll mean for us.” He kissed her forehead quickly and pulled back the covers.

A shower and some food in his belly seemed to settle the ragged edges of his emotions. Sitting with a coffee he digested the overnight searches enough to get his head in the game, they were closing in. To his surprise Ayla ventured out as they sat for dinner, showered, dressed, with a look of determination on her face. She sat next to him, her hands slightly shaking as she ate. My brave sweet girl, he thought, she was going to put herself through hell tonight. The internal war inside him to say something, tell her she didn’t have to do it, raged. Her choice, the little voice in his head whispered, she’d chosen to fight, to help the girls that had no choice in where they were, what they were forced to do.

He watched her take her ice cream into the rec room and sit at her laptop, fingers already moving as she worked, studied the op, took it all in. “Her choice.” He said gruffly as Mia looked at him disconcertingly. “I’ve explained she didn’t need to be in on this, that we understood if she wanted to sit this out. Her choice. Don’t chew my ass on it.” He grumbled and went to sit beside her. No way was he leaving her alone tonight.

******

Focusing on the op they monitored the prime merch factory, the team in position, and Wainwright looked like a carbon copy of Raven. So much like him he saw Ayla cower, the soft whimper escape before he placed his hand on hers and she gripped tightly. “That’s Wainwright sweet girl. I know with 100% certainty, Allen Raven is on Hades 6. That’s not him.” She nodded and kept a tight hold of his hand, the tremble in her body gutting him.

They watched with baited breath as Wainwright knocked on the door, the tense moments as it opened and the girl handed over to him. It wasn’t until he’d dropped the girl at the safe house and driven away that Strand broke the silence.

“Did they suspect?”

“No, I got no vibes that they knew something was off.” He was breathing a little easier now. “Burke and I are heading back to wait for the drop location. Davis is standing by with his team for deploying the net, just like last time.”

“Good job.”

“Save that until after we nail this next buyer.” He chuckled. “Were not done tonight.”

“No, we’re not, but you going undetected is a damn good start.” Strand said honestly.

In the brief hiatus between the teen pickup and the auction due to go online the team took a moment to calm the nerves. Ayla was quiet, too quiet, Strand thought, as he watched her out of his periphery. He was concerned when she turned down the bowl of ice cream that Mia had placed beside her. Those eyes were intense as they watched every screen, every bit of movement, preparing for Allen Raven to jump through the screen at her.

Karl tugged her hand gently and she looked at him. “Sweet girl.” He said gently, the invitation to curl up with him in his tone. It took her a moment to process his words, the offer of the safety she found in his arms. Without a word she hunched onto his lap, curled in as tightly as she could. “You’re safe sweet girl.” He murmured and kissed her hair, the scent calming him, her hand fisting in his shirt.

Jerry waited until 12:01 precisely to send the auction live, the quick paced bidding war had begun as the silence was interrupted every so often with a ping.

“There’s a few new buyers, I don’t recognize these four.” Jerry said pointing at the screen. Ayla was watching and her hand shot out to pull up data from her DNA laptop with a few easy strokes. “Ahhhh, that explains it. Another like our asshole commanding officer.” Jerry growled. “This guy is on a three year replacement deal.” While Jerry read, Ayla pulled the keyboard into her lap and pulled data on the other three. Even Karl had to admit her hacking skill were out of this world. Snuggled into him as she worked he started to watch her finesse the data, tease it out of every corner.

“You sweet girl, are amazing.” He breathed, that low rumble of his voice only for her to hear as he kissed her head. They worked through the early morning, jumping on every new bidder to obtain as much information as they could.

“These are the wannabes.” Jerry said as he compared this auction history to the last. “These guys bid for the thrill, knowing that the big fish have yet to enter. It hasn’t even tipped over 800 K.”

“Give it until nine tonight, things will start to pick up then for sure.” Karl said as he shifted Ayla in his lap.

“She’s asleep boss.” Hunt chuckled.

“I know. My ass is asleep too.”

“I’ll hold down the fort, go sleep. We can switch at lunch.”

“You sure?”

“Positive, I’ll wake you if the shit hits the fan.” Jerry turned and got to work and he looked at Mia. Her slight nod told him she’d keep the rookie company.

*******

Ayla barely moved as he carried her to her room. So not to disturb her too much he decided to sit up in bed, the mattress slightly more comfortable on his ass than the chair had been. Eventually he slid them horizontal and under the covers. Her dreams kept him awake, the soft whimper, her hands first pushing him away then pulling him closer. “Sleep sweet girl, you’re safe now, you’re safe with me.” He caged her in, his massive frame protecting her. Her sigh shuddered out and with it every ounce of terror and stress. “Sleep now Ayla, you’re safe.” She dropped into sleep like a stone and once he was sure she was out cold, he followed.

******

He knew she was watching him, could feel her gaze. Her finger brushed his scruff, the tip tickling his lip and he felt her jump at his chuckle.

“That tickles.” He smiled and opened his eyes to see those deep sea green pools looking at him, so soulful, a small smile tugged at her lips. He went to say something but her finger silenced him, the shake of her head telling him she didn’t want words, she wanted silence. Laying there in the quiet, her fingers mapping his face, he fell for her a little more, how could he not?

“You up boss?” Jerry called softly through the door as he knocked.

“Yeah.”

“I’m out. I need at least a solid six.”

“Sounds good.” He looked down at Ayla, eyes searching hers. She stretched up and kissed him, slow and soft, the tenderness from her melting him. He deepened it, the yearning for her tugging at him. Rolling he pressed her into the mattress, the feel of her beneath him igniting an inferno inside him, he wanted her like his next breath. “Ayla.” He breathed, losing himself to the moment, her mouth enticing him to linger. “I have to go to work sweet girl.” He said resting his forehead against hers, voice husky with need. She nodded and splayed her fingers out across his chest. “I could use the company, the help if you’re up for it?” He asked gently. She nodded again and tapped her fingers against his chest as if to say, get your ass up then.

He rolled off her and let her take a shower first, the tent in his sweats would be a dead giveaway as to what that kiss had done to him. Was he in love with her, he pondered, could he love her how she deserved, how she needed? She needed slow and tender, loving, could he be that for her? He watched as she came out in leggings and a sloppy knit sweater, how did that turn him on where he wanted to strip her naked and fuck her senseless?

He took a shower, a cold one, and joined her in the rec room where she’d made a coffee for him.

“Thanks.” He said sitting and she nodded as her fingers were already flying over the keyboard hard at work. “You find something sweet girl?” He followed her finger as it tapped the screen for the newest ping from the auction. “Ivan Petrov.” He murmured and Ayla nodded. “And he’s serious with that bid.” The auction just took a 1.3 million dollar hike as it evened it out to a cool 2.2 million total. “He watched as her fingers caressed the photo of Jerry ’s sister. “I know sweet girl.” He sighed. “Here’s hoping he’s the winning bidder.” His growl was feral. “Because then Jerry can beat the location of Eva out of him.” Her hand covered his and he calmed, it was almost instantaneous. “Before I ship him off to Hades 6.” He added looking down at her, understanding looked back. She stood and collected his cup, kissed his cheek, and wandered out to the kitchen.

They worked side by side until Mia surfaced around eight hungry. Ayla helped her out in the kitchen, her eyes intent on what Mia was doing. It was these simple everyday things that she’d been denied, he thought. Mia had taught her how to cook, how to do laundry, basic self care. She’d been denied so much.

Jerry made his way out at the smell of food and Karl filled him in on the current bidding situation with Petrov. “As much as I’d love to rig it so he wins, I want to see his fucking face when we take him down and he was none the wiser. There’a a great deal of satisfaction knowing he did it all himself and we’re going to nail him.”

“We may have to offer him a deal for your sister.” Strand watched him carefully.

“Then he gets a deal. He’ll still be shipped to Hades 6 even if I have to fly the damn shuttle myself.” Jerry spat.

“I wasn’t finished.” Karl growled, his irritation evident and Jerry backed off. “We’ll offer it to him, but there’s nothing in my current job description that says I have to honor that offer.” Strand watched as Jerry’s face split with a grin.

“You really are an asshole.”

“So I’ve been told.” He said wryly.

They sat and ate, the conversation about anything but the case, the need to step away briefly before submerging themselves in the job, the overwhelming nastiness that was sex slavery and pedophilia. Karl smiled at Ayla eating through a full meal, it seemed like only yesterday she was barely able to stomach half a cup of soup.

“Tomorrow we’re taking the day off and making burgers.” He said quietly. “I promised this sweet girl a juicy burger when we came here.”

“Mmmm, bison burgers.” Mia said wistfully. “I have some in the deep freeze.”

“Oven fries.” Said Jerry. “Gotta have the oven fries, all nice and crispy. You’re in for a treat Ayla.” He smiled. “Oooo and sourdough buns, toasted with mustard. God damn I haven’t had a decent burger in a while.” He chuckled.

They talked about other food she needed to try, tacos, gyros, hummus, roast turkey, laughed at Mia as she was virtually salivating. With full bellies and bowls of ice cream they ventured in to run the remaining part of the op. At 11:30 they were all business, the laughter put aside, the jokes saved for another time.

@hausofobsession @ill-skillsgard @grandpa-sweaters @authentic90skidd @tuckersgirl @fairlyfallacy @flowers-in-your-hayr @raewritesfiction @stinkerbelle007 @kamie-b @mrsaugustwalker @skrsgardspam @loliwrites @trippedmetaldetector @lihikainanea @fay-walden

[heylookafanfic]

Pairing: Joyce x Mall Gang x Byers! Reader

brief summary: You and the gang are fighting the Mindflayer in the mall but things take a unexpected turn for the worst.

word count: 1.7k words requested: Nope, original! (send in those requests!) warnings: death, finding out a loved one is hurt, mentions of blood, injury, cursing, losing consciousness

You, Mike and Max had stayed behind at the mall to take care of El after an impromptu open leg surgery to get the mini-flayer out. Joyce and Hop were off to turn off the portal to the UpsideDown. Dustin and Erica went to contact Suzy. Lucas, Will, Jonathan, Nancy, Steve, and Robbin were out, driving the MindFlayer as far as possible from town. That is, until it made a u-turn and head back to the mall.

The three of you were walking out to the parking lot, supporting El in-between Max and Mike.

“What the hell does this thing even look like?” you asked Mike

“It looks like a spider but a million times bigger” he responded

“It’s bigger than the one at the hospital?!” Max asked

“Yeah” Mike said

El let out a groan

“We’re almost there El. I promise we-”

Suddenly, Billy emerged from his burning car and spotted you.

“Shit, go, go, go, go!!” Mike panicked

You all ran back into the mall, trying to find a safe place to hide.

“I’ll hold him off” Max said

“No! I’ll do it!” you said

“What?! No! Nobody’s leaving!” said Mike

“Don’t fight me on this. Max, stay with them and keep going!” you said

They pause and give you a concerned look

“GO!” you shouted

Just as they got out of view, Billy burst in. He was eyeing you down yet, you didn’t break eye contact. You were scared but you sure as hell wasn’t gonna let to show.

“Where are they?” he growled

“Go fuck yourself Hargrove” you spat

Grabbing you by your throat, he slammed you against the wall and your head hit first, making a loud thud as you fell. Luckily, it wasn’t enough to make you unconscious. Brushing yourself off, you ran and attempted to drop kick him. You might as well just kicked a pile of cinderblocks because that’s what it felt like. Billy wasn’t phased by it and kept walking toward the kids. You ran out the back door and into the parking lot.

“Y/N!” a voice yelled

You turned around to find Lucas, Will, Jonathan, Nancy, Steve and Robbin. They caught up with you, arms full of fireworks and jogged into the entrance of the mall.

“What happened to your plan?” you asked

“Mr. Mindflayer decided he wanted to come back” Lucas said

“What do we do now?”

“We got a plan but it may or may not work”

“Okay? What is it?” you ask

“How far can you throw?”

Suddenly, Max and Mike shot out of Scoops Ahoy in a panic.

“Hey! Up here!” Max shouted

Everyone ran up the flight of stairs, meeting the two.

“Where’s El?” Jonathan asked

“Billy took her!”

“What?! I thought you were with her the whole time!” said Steve

“We were but he nearly killed us for her” said Mike

The ground began to shake. Will looked up at the glass ceiling of the food court.

“GO! GO! GO! GO!” Jonathan yelled

Armed with fireworks, the gang took position on the top level of the mall, hiding behind trash cans, store signs, and plastic plants for cover. The MindFlayer is here and boy is this going to be one hell of a story to tell after it’s dead and gone. The monster that overtook lil ‘ol Hawkins, Indiana was live and in the flesh. Hearing it’s ear shattering wails, you take a deep breath in. Steve looked at you from his hiding spot.

“You okay Y/N?” he mouthed

You were still a bit disoriented from hitting your head but, you didn’t want to sit this one out. You exhaled and nodded.

He gave you a thumbs up and waited for the cue.

El was inches away from being MindFlayer food and tensions were high.

Steve counted.

One.

Tw-

“FLEE THIS, YOU UGLY PIECE OF SHIT!” Lucas yells as he chucks a lit firework at the monster

It explodes and knocks the MindFlayer off balance and into a support beam.

Everybody beings throwing their fireworks one by one. From firecrackers to Black Cats, the monster takes a bit of damage but, not enough to kill it. This was your first encounter with the mindflayer but, if it meant saving the world from complete destruction, you might as well give it all you got. You have a limited arsenal of explosives and so does the rest of the gang but it seemed like this battle went on for an hour. Nothing seemed to work and soon enough, everyone was yelling “I’M OUT!!”. You and Robbin  were the only two that still had a few left and suddenly, an idea came to mind. If you could get one into its mouth, that’d probably kill it. Not the brightest idea but it was worth trying. You sprint over to her and take the largest firework, leaving the rest of your ammo.

“What are you doing?” she shouted over the noise

You ignored her and dashed towards a spot behind the Flayer on the first floor. If you could get close enough to it, it’ll turn around, you could take your shot and get the hell out of there before Flayer guts could get on you.

“I’M OUT!” Robbin yells

That’s your cue.

You whistle and it’s loud enough to get it’s attention. It turns around and roars as you throw the last explosive. It lands in it’s mouth and detonates. There’s a eery silence. Is it over? Did you deliver the final blow that saved the world?

No.

The Flayer flings one of its legs at you, sending you flying into the counter of one of the restaurants.

You’re out cold. All you remember is seeing its leg and everything turned to black. It’s all over isn’t it? Well, at least you died a hero. Are you a hero? Oh no, mom. Mom almost lost Will but now you? This wasn’t how it’s supposed to end. Mom, Will, and Jonathan are going to live their lives without you forever and all because of a goddamn alien thing? Shit, shit, shit.

After your mom closed the portal to the UpsideDown thus, killing the MindFlayer, everyone ran downstairs and rushed to El and you. El was had bumps and bruises but wanted them to tend to you. Max grieved over Billy’s body and El held her tight as she sobbed.

Your brothers, Steve, Robbin, Nancy and Mike pulled your body from the rubble and Will yelled for you. Nancy held him back from seeing the aftermath.

“Y/N?! Oh my God! Wake up! Come on!” Johnathan shouted

“Joyce?! Hop?! Dustin? Anyone, come in!!” Mike shouted over the walkie talkie.

“This is Joyce, is everyone okay?” your mom replied

“Miss. Byers, we need you ASAP! Y/N’s down and it’s bad!”

“Wait, wait wait. Who’s down?!” Joyce panicked

Jonathan took the walkie talkie form Mike

“Y/N!! Y/N’s DOWN! MOM HURRY!” ——–

Feeling hands grab your shoulders, you thought that an angel was probably pulling you up to heaven. Well, it’s been nice Earth.

“Y/N?!”

You couldn’t see anything but you most definitely heard a voice yelling your name

“Y/N?!”

There it goes again. What the-.

“They’re not waking up!” another voice said

Out of nowhere, you heard a comforting voice

“Y/N? It’s mommy. Oh no, baby, please come back to mommy. Please”

Mom! You can hear her but you can’t see her. You can feel a heaviness on your chest. Ow! Hey! Now, it really hurts.

You open your eyes just enough to see light. You can see big blobs but you can’t make them out.

“Hey! There they are!” Robbin said

She had been doing CPR on you for the past 3 minutes

You tried to sit up but a hand gently pushed you back

“No, no, no. Don’t move” Jonathan said

A groan escaped from your mouth. You feel something rub across your hand repeatedly. With the eye that wasn’t swollen shut, you looked at you hand and saw your mom. She was crying tears of relief and rubbed her thumb across the back of your hand.

“Sweetheart, can you hear me?” she asked

You could hear her alright. Everything was awfully loud and sounded like a plastic bag was over your head.

You just squeezed her hand with what little strength you had in you. She smiled and kissed your forehead.

“Mom, they’re losing a lot of blood” Jonathan worried

You looked down at your stomach and blacked out again from the sight of the deep gash. — Waking up to the clean smell of an ambulance was nice. What wasn’t nice is being hooked up to tubes and wires.

You opened your eyes again and saw Joyce and 2 paramedics staring at you.

“Mom?” you said reaching for her

“Don’t move sweetheart. We’re almost to the hospital” she said

Someone was missing. Hop. Hop was missing. He’s been like a father to you since your dad left. He was always there for you and you can’t imagine him not being by your side in a situation like this.

“Mom, where’s Hopper?” you said in a hoarse voice

Joyce took a shaky breath

“I’m so sorry”

“Huh? No! Where is he?!” you cried

“He didn’t make it baby” she said

It took you a while to process the news. It wasn’t enough time because by the time you were rushed through the ER doors, the nurses put you under again for surgery.

—-

You woke up for the 3rd time and everyone was in your post-op room.

“Hey hero!” your big brother said

Everyone said their greetings to you.

“Hey badass! I heard what happened” said Dustin

“I heard you kicked the MindFlayers ass right before you got sucker punched by it” said Erica

“Erica!” Lucas reprimanded his sister

Things got quiet when Will came to your side.

“Don’t leave us again, please”

With Will being the baby of the family, you always made promises to him. Pinky promises started back when he was 5 and ever since, it stuck.

“I pinky promise” you said

Your voice was still hoarse but at least you can talk in full sentences. You saw El in the corner of the room.

“El” you said

She came to your side

“Is it true?” you asked

She gave you the saddest eyes.

“yes” she nodded

You sighed. The room got quiet when Joyce walked in.

“We’ll give you two a minute” Nancy said ushering everyone out

As soon as everyone left, Joyce kissed your forehead and you cried. She held your hand and cried with you. Things would never be the same in Hawkins. Especially without Hop.

[thecasinowolf]

Sensory Overload

It wasn’t often that Chronos, Zephyr, Cider, Seth, and Cas would head out to go shopping. There wasn’t a lot of time, constantly being in hiding. But they were running low on supplies, and because of the location they moved to just recently: the only store nearby was a grocery store, a dangerous place to be for criminals. But they had to. So, to avoid suspicion, they all decided to go. They’d all head in, collect and buy supplies separately, and head out. Very simple. Chronos told the group that they would most easily go unnoticed if they went when it was most busy, something they all agreed to. Something... one reluctantly agreed to. About five minutes in to this mission, Seth was taking a look at candles. They ran out of the ones Seris brought over, and it would be wrong if they just kept asking him for candles: so Seth was in charge of buying more. As he entered the isle, he felt a nose butt at his leg. Groaning, he looked over and saw Cas’ stylist, Garnet.

  “Jesus, wha-wha-what do you-” He was about to scold the dog for being annoying, but noticed she was unaccompanied. Uh oh. “Where i-i-is he?” Seth muttered, a bit of worry in his voice.   “He told me to go get you, follow me!” The german shepard said playfully, before taking off with Seth following. He thought about what could have happened. He was supposed to be getting tools for any sticky situations they might end up in, did he get recognized? But when Garnet led him to the tool isle, he noticed his dragon boyfriend seeming a bit... panicked. Cautiously, Seth approached him.   “Hey, hey, hey, woah, what’s go-...ing o-on?” Seth asked. Cas shook his head, he was covering his ears and whimpering. He didn’t meet the coyote’s golden eyes, he just shook his head and whimpered.   “It’s too loud,” Garnet said, taking a seat next to Seth. “And too bright. At least, that’s what he said.” Seth nodded, and just kind of... looked at him. What was he supposed to do in a situation like this? What was wrong?   “Are y-...ou okay?” Seth asked, giving Cas a small pat of assurance, but he shook his head again.   “It’s loud...there’s too much going on,” He muttered, shuffling in place nervously. Seth looked around, no one seemed to be looking at them; which was good. He didn’t want to cause a scene.    “I... see. I’m so-s-so-s-sorry,” Seth said, petting his head softly. “Um...can I do-do-do-do something to help you?” Seth asked softly.   “No... I dunno... I haven’t been out in a while... I... I forgot that this was something that affected me,” Cas grumbled, pressing his wrists harder against his fins.   “Wha-wha-what’s affe-...cting you?” Seth questioned. He was shitty at handling these kinds of things. If only Chronos were here... well, knowing Chronos: he’d probably make things worse. He’s all knowledge but no help.   “Everything...! It’s loud! I hear footsteps, and the lights, and the carts, a-and talking and, and, and!” Cas bit the collar of his shirt, muffling his words. Seth turned to Garnet, but she just sat there, pawing nervously at the ground. No help. Thanks, Gar.   “We-we-well... uh... you-you-you could step outside for a second. I’ll gra-...ab the stuff real quick and I’ll meet you out there, aight? I’ll grab the shit for bo-bo-both of us. If Chronos has a problem with that he can ki-ki-kiss my ass, he coulda done this himself,” Seth said, half joking. Cas giggled a bit and nodded, before grabbing Garnet by the leash and quickly heading out. Seth looked around, grabbed some shit he thought they could use. Wire cutters and pocket knives. Sure, they had enough tools, this was fine. Then he began walking to the candles, on the way there he saw Zephyr. He rolled his eyes before trying to continue.   “What’re those for?” Zephyr asked, noticing the tools in his hand.   “Chronos didn’t spe-...cify what we nee-needed,” Seth scoffed.   “Weren’t you on candle duty-”   “Goddamnit Zeph, mind your own bu-bu-business,” Seth groaned. “I’m going to the candles. What duty were YOU on, I do-...on’t see anything in your hands,” Seth commented.   “Ah-! Well, I was on tech duty,” Zeph began, before getting cut off by Seth snickering.   “Gross, Zeph, you sa-sa-said duty,” Seth laughed, Zephyr sighed. Jesus. He always made a joke about everything.   “ANYWAYS. I wasn’t sure WHAT parts I was getting, because Cider and Chronos were getting stuff for Poker Goat, so THAT’s not for me to do. So I was just going to check. But like I was going to ask, weren’t you on candle duty? Cas was supposed to get tools, what happened to him?” Zephyr pressed, Seth started walking away but Zeph followed him in to the candle isle.   “He had to... do something. Right quick. So I to-to-to-took his place,” Seth shrugged, and nabbed a few candles before beginning to leave again.   “He had to DO something? What could he have-”   “Good talk, Zeph, see you later. Tell apple bitch and Chro that I’m heading out,” Seth gave him a quick peace sign before heading to check out, Zephyr sighed. He never explained anything. But being vague was his specialty or whatever. Once Seth had checked out, he quickly made his way outside the store, where Cas was sitting on a bench near the carts; listening to music, with his head in his knees. Seth slowly made his way over and sat next to him, when Cas looked up, he looked... exhausted. “Damn. Must hate sho-...opping as much as I do,” Seth teased. Cas nodded, and stared off in to the distance. Seth glanced around and squeezed his wrist gently. “Hey, what ha-...ppened in there?” Cas sighed and put his head on Seth’s shoulder.   “I’m sorry for embarrassing you like that. But it was noisy. I couldn’t handle it. I hate crowds. They make me feel overwhelmed. Well... I mean... I guess it’s not JUST crowds. You know how I cover my ears all the time, even when we’re just at home?” Cas asked, taking his earbuds out.   “Yeah, whenever Chro starts fussing about something with someone, and I tell him to shu-...ut up because he’s scaring you,” Seth grumbles.   “Yeah...” Cas smiles a bit, “But also... when Cider drops something, or Zeph walks a little too loud, or a wack fighty action scene is going on on TV,” he lists. “I dunno... noises in general. I hate them. No one understands when I talk about it. I mean, isn’t it kinda RUDE to just go ‘stop talking, and walking, and breathing, and chewing because I hate you and you make me want to put my eardrums through a wood chipper’?” “Huh... yeah... I ge-ge-get it, kinda...” Seth nods. They both sat in silence for a bit, before Cas started crying. Startled, Seth quickly pulled him off the bench, in to a tight hug. “Woah! Hey! Do-...on’t do that! What’s wrong??”   “I’m sorry... I’m sorry... I wish I was normal. I looked so stupid having a meltdown in there. I wanted to do more than cover my ears I wanted to flap and and and and scream and and and and and cry and and and-”   “Shhh shhh shhh... shhh, hey. No you were fine, you were okay. God, no one’s nor-nor-nor-...mal. Don’t pu-pu-put yourself down ov-ov-over it. You did your best to stay calm and I respect that,” Seth whispered, patting him on the back.   “I’m so childish. I wish I could just deal with it but... I can’t. I just can’t. I didn’t do what Chronos asked and now I’m sobbing like a fucking toddler and-”   “Shhhhh. If you’re wo-wo-worried about ginger fucking Elsa ge-ge-getting after you for not getting a few tools I’ll yell at him before he yells at you. And if anyone judges you for crying I’ll bite their eyes out. They can’t watch if they can’t see,” Seth grins. Cas buried his face further into Seth’s chest, mumbling and sobbing.   “I’m such an idiot. I can be better than this. I cry and the stupidest shit.”   “You’re fine, Cas,” Seth grumbled, running his hands through his lover’s hair. He knew he had seen glimpses of his mental health issues before but... this was the first time he’d seen it get this bad. Maybe this meant he finally trusted him enough to let him see this side of him. That thought made him smile a bit. Cas trusted him. He was trustworthy. Fuck all that other noise, SOMEONE trusted him. “Hey, since those assholes are gonna be a while,” Seth said, breaking the silence, and slowly pushing Cas’ head away. “Why don’t we just head home? If we forgot some shit I’ll come back and get it. Tell me if Chro yells at you, I’ll beat his ass.”   “Yeah, okay,” Cas smiled nervously. “Okay.” With that, they started to head home. “I’m really sorry about all of that...” Cas whispered. “I swear I’m not usually this bad, I-”   “Didn’t I te-te-tell you to shu-...ut up?” Seth growled, grabbing his hand. “You are FI-...INE. Come on,” Seth said, pulling him along. Even if he didn’t really understand, he would do anything he could to help Cas feel safe wherever they were. He was his top priority, aside from world domination and snacks. He would keep him safe. He would protect him.

[sugarycloud]

Posts this just then to only have the people in the group chat read it. But it was writing itself in my head so there we go 

Circles, carolly rpf

It was funny how this kept happening. How life went around in circles. Here she was, another series of Love Island over, another year done, until January this time at least. It seemed like another lifetime ago that it had all began. She had been doing X Factor during the first series. Had just finished Strictly, had just split with Jack. A whole different lifetime.

And now, a broken relationship, another secret one and a bunch of stuff the media had no idea about. Circles, it all went in circles.

Caroline stares out the taxi window as it winds through the streets of London, bringing her closer to home. The city evokes a warm glow inside her, it was her home, and there was nothing like being home, where your heart was happiest.

‘Here alright love?’

They have pulled up at an empty stop a few doors down from her house.  Her car is in her spot, looking a bit dusty but thankfully with no parking tickets clasped to its windscreen.

‘Yeah, this is fine, thanks’

‘I’ll grab your case for you’

‘Thanks’

Caroline exits the car, takes her case from the driver, thanks him again and starts to search in her bag for her keys as walks to her house, pulling her case behind her.

Her phone beeps just as she is about to put the key in the lock. It’s from Lewis

‘Hey, should we meet up soon for another photo op? Hope your flight back was ok :)’

Caroline sighs and unlocks her door, depositing her case just inside, as it closes behind her and she sinks right down in front of it.

Rubbing her face with her hands, thinking about what to text Lewis, it takes her a minute to recognise the pattering of paws towards her.

‘Ruby!’ she screeches as her beloved dog jumps up on her, licking everywhere she can reach

‘How did you get there?’ she questions the dog before calling ‘Jo?’

‘No, not Jo’ and limping slightly from the kitchen comes Olly, grinning at her

‘Ols! You’re here’

Olly grabs her hands and pulls her to her feet and right into him, Ruby thudding slightly with the ungracious landing back to the parquet floor

‘Oh I’m so glad you’re here’ Caroline breathes deep, inhaling his scent, hugging him close

‘Are you ever going to let go so I can kiss you?’ Olly says with a laugh

‘Nu uh’ Caroline shakes her head against his chest ‘I’m gonna stay here forever’

‘Well’ Olly reaches his hand under her chin and lifts her face to his

She smiles at him and leans up for a kiss, his fingers running up and down her back, like he’s playing his favourite tune.

Circles, it all went in circles.

----

X Factor sat like a very heavy piece of furniture in her mind. It was hard to ignore and it was near impossible to move. You just had to put up and try and be as comfortable with it, as you could because it was there to stay.

It all felt like a well read book, she had gone over it so many times in her head. The time they had spent together during X Factor, it was a bubble, just the two of them. Of course they had ended up sleeping together, like there was any other option. The whole charade of X Factor was a tedious and woeful affair. They knew soon after starting that they never should have taken the job.

No one liked them, they were nothing but stressed and the whole world was watching, speculating on whether they were together or not. I mean, what else was there to do really? When the nation is ridiculing you and there’s only one other person in the whole world who understands it like you do, who is going through it like you are. A person who you had fancied for years, who you loved more than almost anyone, who had recently become single.

It had become almost like an addiction, a dependency. They couldn’t have got through X Factor without each other. Or the sex. A quickie in the morning, and later, a long drawn out glorious euphoria filled evening. It was escaping reality and yet Olly was the only real thing there was. Olly’s skin against hers, Olly’s body underneath her, above her, beside her. The kissing, the pleasure, the oblivion. It was a permanent dream, like a dream that you know is a dream but you can’t make yourself wake up from.

And then one day she was jolted awake. It was like being drenched in ice cold water, gasping for breath, reality and dreams snatched away so cruelly. There had been fights and two years of not speaking, an addict having no choice but to go cold turkey.

They had started talking again in the summer of the disastrous engagement. Texts, calls and voice notes. At first it was trivial stuff, how were their families, who was Olly liking on Love Island and so forward.

Sometime in the early days of winter Olly had called Caroline, when the only thing that preoccupied her day was playing with Ruby. He had mentioned it first, those days on X, how wrong it had all gone. With that phone call they had opened a floodgate, and they slowly began to knock down the walls they had built around themselves, keeping them apart from each other.

Their lives then had been so entwined back then, and it had been painful to untangle from each other. With them talking again, they started to tie themselves into knots once more. Easy knots, ones you can untie without much injury. It became easier this time, akin to how they used to be.

He had gotten funnier, or maybe he’d always been funny. Maybe she’d just forgotten in the long absence, that it hadn’t just been the sex that had been incredible. Back then she had called him her best friend and he was. She could talk to him about anything and they made each other laugh. All the stuff that mattered beyond mutual attraction.

But beside a quick meet up at an award show, they didn’t end up meeting in person until June the following year. Neither of them had meant for anything to happen. And yet

----

She’d never been a fan of hospitals, she didn’t suppose that many people were. There was a certain smell and everything squeaked. She hugs her present close to herself as she navigates through the labyrinth corridors, finally finding his room and knocking gently

‘Come in!’ comes the shout back and she pushed the door tentatively open

‘Caz! What an amazing surprise’

‘I-uh’

Caroline’s eyes travel from his heavily bandaged and elevated leg, to the drips in his arms and to his eager hopeful face, and without any warning at all, she burst into years

Olly, looking bemused but concerned, cast his gaze around as if there is any way of him getting up to help her

‘Caz, babe, it’s ok. It’s just fluids, and you know, my leg is fine, I’m fine, all fine, do you want to sit down maybe?’

‘I-ca, bel, I, no, you, and’ Caroline, still sobbing, gestures with her hands at him and at herself, coherence having been left firmly at the door

‘Please sit down darling, please’

Still sobbing and not making any sense, Caroline dumps her wrapped gift and card onto his tray table and sits on the edge of his bed, launching herself straight onto his chest and sobs more.

Olly gently puts his arms around her, trying not to dislodge anything as he rubs her back, and waits for her to stop

‘I’m sorry’ Caroline says after a while and she sits up and rubs her eyes with the back of her hands ‘I don’t know where that came from. I think it’s just the last time I properly saw you, we’d just broken up, and now you’re broken’

‘How very poetic’ Olly says with a slight smile, before adding quietly ‘I thought I’d never see you again at all’

‘Well that too’ Caroline says as she takes a big breath ‘not ever, it was horrendous’

‘Not one of my favourite memories ever either Caz. But you know why it happened’

‘Yeah, yeah’ she waves away this discussion with an impatient flap of her hand ‘we’ve talked about all that over the phone. It’s ancient history, there’s no need to go over it again’ she leans forward and runs her thumb across his cheek, as if he had tears there too ‘I just wanted to see how you were’

‘I’m fine, well’ Olly lets out a breath ‘I mean I’ve been better but this has helped, I’ve needed this op for a long time, no I’ve just got to recover from it. And then I’ll be fine. More than fine. I’m taking a break from it all Caz’

‘It all?’

‘That life, the showbiz crap, I’m going to spend time with the family, write music because I want to not because my contract says so, travel around’

‘So you’ve lots of free time to fill?’

‘Something like that, yeah’

‘Well then’

----

They had spent hours in that hospital room catching up on life. He loved his joke gift of a pack of Man United boxers, and they made plans to meet up soon. It was like last time, but not at all. It all happened fast but it felt natural, less intense. They kissed again for the first time in Olly’s garden after a sunny day and a barbeque. They slept together again for the first time that night, and for the second and third time. Olly’s knee was a bit of an issue. Caroline kept having to go on top, not that she minded.

Then there was the bigger issue of when he shaved all his hair off. She wasn’t used to his head yet. Before they had rekindled, she had had visions of her running her hands through his hair, and now there was nothing to run her hands through. She kept accidentally leaving nail indents in his shoulders from digging instead of gripping.

Beyond his knee and his lack of hair, came the bigger issue of privacy, so Caroline had talked to Nathan about Olly. He suggested she fake a relationship with a twenty something year old toyboy. It wouldn’t be hard for the press to shallow and her and Olly could conduct their relationship behind closed doors for as long as they could manage.

Now lying in bed with Olly, after the two had a lengthy and highly satisfying reunion, Caroline’s mind floats back to the text from Lewis

‘Penny for them?’ Olly says with a kiss to her head

‘Lewis texted earlier, wanting to meet up for a photo op’

‘And?’

‘It’s just tedious. I hate lying’

‘I know you do Caz, but it’s just easier isn’t it? The media think you’re hooking up with someone else and they leave us the fuck alone. And eventually when there’s some big news story taking over everything we’ll quietly post an Insta together and act like it’s completely normal while everyone freaks out’

Caroline smiles and curls into her boyfriend

‘And eventually it won’t be news at all’

‘Exactly my darling, exactly’

‘How long do you think we can keep it a secret?’

‘Well for however long I’m out of the spotlight’

‘You don’t even know how long that’ll be’

‘A while’ Olly shrugs ‘maybe we’ll be married with kids by the time I get back to it’

‘Olly!’

‘What?’ Olly says with a nervous laugh ‘is that not the plan?’

‘I suppose’

‘Love the enthusiasm Caz’

‘Oh shush you’ she smiles and pokes him in the side

Her insides are dancing, butterflies swooping and swirling. It was how she expected everything to happen after X. Marriage and babies, happily ever after. Afterwards she had chastised herself for being so dreamy. Now, well now, she lets out a happy sigh and squeezes Olly. Maybe it wasn’t circles after all, perhaps they’d just taken the scenic route, maybe there would be a few more bumps along the way. But they would end up just where they needed to be.