#i been feelin shit abt havin mental illness l8ly

[thecasinowolf]

Sensory Overload

It wasn’t often that Chronos, Zephyr, Cider, Seth, and Cas would head out to go shopping. There wasn’t a lot of time, constantly being in hiding. But they were running low on supplies, and because of the location they moved to just recently: the only store nearby was a grocery store, a dangerous place to be for criminals. But they had to. So, to avoid suspicion, they all decided to go. They’d all head in, collect and buy supplies separately, and head out. Very simple. Chronos told the group that they would most easily go unnoticed if they went when it was most busy, something they all agreed to. Something... one reluctantly agreed to. About five minutes in to this mission, Seth was taking a look at candles. They ran out of the ones Seris brought over, and it would be wrong if they just kept asking him for candles: so Seth was in charge of buying more. As he entered the isle, he felt a nose butt at his leg. Groaning, he looked over and saw Cas’ stylist, Garnet.

  “Jesus, wha-wha-what do you-” He was about to scold the dog for being annoying, but noticed she was unaccompanied. Uh oh. “Where i-i-is he?” Seth muttered, a bit of worry in his voice.   “He told me to go get you, follow me!” The german shepard said playfully, before taking off with Seth following. He thought about what could have happened. He was supposed to be getting tools for any sticky situations they might end up in, did he get recognized? But when Garnet led him to the tool isle, he noticed his dragon boyfriend seeming a bit... panicked. Cautiously, Seth approached him.   “Hey, hey, hey, woah, what’s go-...ing o-on?” Seth asked. Cas shook his head, he was covering his ears and whimpering. He didn’t meet the coyote’s golden eyes, he just shook his head and whimpered.   “It’s too loud,” Garnet said, taking a seat next to Seth. “And too bright. At least, that’s what he said.” Seth nodded, and just kind of... looked at him. What was he supposed to do in a situation like this? What was wrong?   “Are y-...ou okay?” Seth asked, giving Cas a small pat of assurance, but he shook his head again.   “It’s loud...there’s too much going on,” He muttered, shuffling in place nervously. Seth looked around, no one seemed to be looking at them; which was good. He didn’t want to cause a scene.    “I... see. I’m so-s-so-s-sorry,” Seth said, petting his head softly. “Um...can I do-do-do-do something to help you?” Seth asked softly.   “No... I dunno... I haven’t been out in a while... I... I forgot that this was something that affected me,” Cas grumbled, pressing his wrists harder against his fins.   “Wha-wha-what’s affe-...cting you?” Seth questioned. He was shitty at handling these kinds of things. If only Chronos were here... well, knowing Chronos: he’d probably make things worse. He’s all knowledge but no help.   “Everything...! It’s loud! I hear footsteps, and the lights, and the carts, a-and talking and, and, and!” Cas bit the collar of his shirt, muffling his words. Seth turned to Garnet, but she just sat there, pawing nervously at the ground. No help. Thanks, Gar.   “We-we-well... uh... you-you-you could step outside for a second. I’ll gra-...ab the stuff real quick and I’ll meet you out there, aight? I’ll grab the shit for bo-bo-both of us. If Chronos has a problem with that he can ki-ki-kiss my ass, he coulda done this himself,” Seth said, half joking. Cas giggled a bit and nodded, before grabbing Garnet by the leash and quickly heading out. Seth looked around, grabbed some shit he thought they could use. Wire cutters and pocket knives. Sure, they had enough tools, this was fine. Then he began walking to the candles, on the way there he saw Zephyr. He rolled his eyes before trying to continue.   “What’re those for?” Zephyr asked, noticing the tools in his hand.   “Chronos didn’t spe-...cify what we nee-needed,” Seth scoffed.   “Weren’t you on candle duty-”   “Goddamnit Zeph, mind your own bu-bu-business,” Seth groaned. “I’m going to the candles. What duty were YOU on, I do-...on’t see anything in your hands,” Seth commented.   “Ah-! Well, I was on tech duty,” Zeph began, before getting cut off by Seth snickering.   “Gross, Zeph, you sa-sa-said duty,” Seth laughed, Zephyr sighed. Jesus. He always made a joke about everything.   “ANYWAYS. I wasn’t sure WHAT parts I was getting, because Cider and Chronos were getting stuff for Poker Goat, so THAT’s not for me to do. So I was just going to check. But like I was going to ask, weren’t you on candle duty? Cas was supposed to get tools, what happened to him?” Zephyr pressed, Seth started walking away but Zeph followed him in to the candle isle.   “He had to... do something. Right quick. So I to-to-to-took his place,” Seth shrugged, and nabbed a few candles before beginning to leave again.   “He had to DO something? What could he have-”   “Good talk, Zeph, see you later. Tell apple bitch and Chro that I’m heading out,” Seth gave him a quick peace sign before heading to check out, Zephyr sighed. He never explained anything. But being vague was his specialty or whatever. Once Seth had checked out, he quickly made his way outside the store, where Cas was sitting on a bench near the carts; listening to music, with his head in his knees. Seth slowly made his way over and sat next to him, when Cas looked up, he looked... exhausted. “Damn. Must hate sho-...opping as much as I do,” Seth teased. Cas nodded, and stared off in to the distance. Seth glanced around and squeezed his wrist gently. “Hey, what ha-...ppened in there?” Cas sighed and put his head on Seth’s shoulder.   “I’m sorry for embarrassing you like that. But it was noisy. I couldn’t handle it. I hate crowds. They make me feel overwhelmed. Well... I mean... I guess it’s not JUST crowds. You know how I cover my ears all the time, even when we’re just at home?” Cas asked, taking his earbuds out.   “Yeah, whenever Chro starts fussing about something with someone, and I tell him to shu-...ut up because he’s scaring you,” Seth grumbles.   “Yeah...” Cas smiles a bit, “But also... when Cider drops something, or Zeph walks a little too loud, or a wack fighty action scene is going on on TV,” he lists. “I dunno... noises in general. I hate them. No one understands when I talk about it. I mean, isn’t it kinda RUDE to just go ‘stop talking, and walking, and breathing, and chewing because I hate you and you make me want to put my eardrums through a wood chipper’?” “Huh... yeah... I ge-ge-get it, kinda...” Seth nods. They both sat in silence for a bit, before Cas started crying. Startled, Seth quickly pulled him off the bench, in to a tight hug. “Woah! Hey! Do-...on’t do that! What’s wrong??”   “I’m sorry... I’m sorry... I wish I was normal. I looked so stupid having a meltdown in there. I wanted to do more than cover my ears I wanted to flap and and and and scream and and and and and cry and and and-”   “Shhh shhh shhh... shhh, hey. No you were fine, you were okay. God, no one’s nor-nor-nor-...mal. Don’t pu-pu-put yourself down ov-ov-over it. You did your best to stay calm and I respect that,” Seth whispered, patting him on the back.   “I’m so childish. I wish I could just deal with it but... I can’t. I just can’t. I didn’t do what Chronos asked and now I’m sobbing like a fucking toddler and-”   “Shhhhh. If you’re wo-wo-worried about ginger fucking Elsa ge-ge-getting after you for not getting a few tools I’ll yell at him before he yells at you. And if anyone judges you for crying I’ll bite their eyes out. They can’t watch if they can’t see,” Seth grins. Cas buried his face further into Seth’s chest, mumbling and sobbing.   “I’m such an idiot. I can be better than this. I cry and the stupidest shit.”   “You’re fine, Cas,” Seth grumbled, running his hands through his lover’s hair. He knew he had seen glimpses of his mental health issues before but... this was the first time he’d seen it get this bad. Maybe this meant he finally trusted him enough to let him see this side of him. That thought made him smile a bit. Cas trusted him. He was trustworthy. Fuck all that other noise, SOMEONE trusted him. “Hey, since those assholes are gonna be a while,” Seth said, breaking the silence, and slowly pushing Cas’ head away. “Why don’t we just head home? If we forgot some shit I’ll come back and get it. Tell me if Chro yells at you, I’ll beat his ass.”   “Yeah, okay,” Cas smiled nervously. “Okay.” With that, they started to head home. “I’m really sorry about all of that...” Cas whispered. “I swear I’m not usually this bad, I-”   “Didn’t I te-te-tell you to shu-...ut up?” Seth growled, grabbing his hand. “You are FI-...INE. Come on,” Seth said, pulling him along. Even if he didn’t really understand, he would do anything he could to help Cas feel safe wherever they were. He was his top priority, aside from world domination and snacks. He would keep him safe. He would protect him.