#And the one about the lesbian angel that fell in love with a human lady

[amimuu]

YOU FORGOT THE STORY THATS EMOTIONALLY DEVASTATING WITH A FULL-FLEDGED WORLDBUILDING WITH THE MOST INTENSE INSTRUMENTAL ALL IN ONE SONG

vocaloid genres

murder

this girl is really really really sad

I Am An Unstoppable Fuck Machine

toxic love

we live in a society

the dokis >_<

toxic love that culminates in murder

gumi

[runawaymarbles]

Good omens fic rec

A Letter from “Crawly” to Azirapil by mostlydeadlanguages | 500 Words | G

This remarkable letter of unknown provenance surfaced recently in the cuneiform collection of the University of West Wessex. Addressed to Azirapil from a Mr. “Crawly,” it appears to be begging for the other’s return to Ur from a western journey with another individual, Abiraham. The relationship between the two (brothers? business partners? friends?) is unknown.

404 Email Not Found by Dacelin | 700 words | G

The first the Metatron knew about Armageddon was when Aziraphale contacted him to beg for it to be called off. Being a professional, the Metatron murmured soothing things about it all being part of the plan and rerouted the call elsewhere instead of admitting he had no idea what the principality was talking about.

my black eye casts no shadow by gyzym | 1.5k | Not Rated, probably M 

If you cut humanity to the quick, split it open, found its soul, it would have dark red hair and bright wild eyes.

So You Need To Get Into A.Z. Fell & Co.; Now What? (A Guide For Unfortunate Bookworms) by arkhamcycle | 1.8k | G

London’s antique enthusiasts and rare lit nerds alike know that if you’re looking for a specific vintage or antique book, you have a good chance of ending up in A.Z. Fell & Co. as a last resort. And if you’ve ever been in (or are currently in) this predicament, you know how much of an absolute nightmare it is trying to even get in the door. Luckily, this handy guide, the fruit of a months-long collaborative effort to create the perfect formula for gaming the A.Z. Fell system, will tell you everything you need to know, complete with a comprehensive breakdown of what, exactly, the opening hours are. Compiled by pageknight and inky of the Rare Antique Forums.

Quiet Light by drawlight | 2k | T |

There are rules. The trouble with hearts is that they play by none of them.

between the shadow and the soul by absopositivelutely | 2k | NR

(alternatively: it takes 6000 years for crowley to realize that aziraphale could love him too.)

i just happen to like apples (i am not afraid of snakes) by gyzym | 2k | Not Rated

Written for the following prompt: "Someone write me Crowley the bitter lesbian who only gave Eve the apple because she thought feminism should be there from day one." As such, please be warned that this story contains some fairly radical reinterpretations of Biblical stories and themes; if that sort of thing is not for you, please give this tale a pass.

Secret Agent Man by Emamel | 2.3k | G | 

Edward was very good at two things: noticing things, and not being noticed in return. It was the sort of qualities that made you a good spy. These two never got the memo.

Ten Fathoms Deep On the Road to Hell by BuggreAlleThis | 2.5k | G

Aziraphale is given an assignment as a Captain in the Royal Navy and finds life at sea miserable. Crowley, on the other hand, is having plenty of fun as the Captain of a motley pirate crew.

Untitled Goose Fic by rattatatosk | 3k | T

It's a lovely week in the South Downs, and Crowley is at war with a Horrible Goose.

Anthony J. Crowley, Retired Demon and Airbnb Superhost by TheOldAquarian | 3k | G 

What are you supposed to do when you've been fired from your sweet job in Hell for thwarting the schemes of Satan, you've got a swanky flat in Mayfair, and you're looking for an excuse to spend all your time in someone else's bookshop? Obviously, you turn to the dubious world of short-term vacation rentals. The resulting Airbnb property has been variously described as "an instagram trap," "a vampire den but make it botanical," and "the weirdest bed and breakfast in the shared history of beds and breakfasting."

Salinity (And Other Measurements of Brackish Water) by drawlight | 3k | T | 

It's an odd thing, getting on after the End of the World. Crowley takes to sea-watching.

Stopgap by RC_McLachlan | 3k | T | 

"Can you imagine ruining something so frustratingly perfect just to get a leg up with Management?" Crowley then remembers who he's talking to and why he's here in the first place. "Sorry, bad example, of course you can." A missing scene from Episode 6.

Wednesdays Are for This by magpiespirit | 3k | T

"D'you think we should have sex," he asks idly, pressing post on his addition to the exclusive How to Summon and Bind Demons forum. This one, he's sure, will both give Hell several annoying headaches and make a dent in the problem of demonology rising in the incel community. Bless, he loves having free time. "I think," Aziraphale replies frankly, giving Crowley a really, now look over the rims of his stupid glasses and the top of a first edition of something that probably uses a hundred words to say what could be said in five, "that should is a word best left to Heaven and Hell." And Crowley, who was only looking to fluster the angel a little, belatedly remembers that he's gotten commendations for Aziraphale's temptations.

build me a city, call it jerusalem by gyzym | 3.5k | T | 

Man begets man begets The Tales of Men, and there's nothing godly in that; Those Above and Them Below haven't any need for the stories humans have been hungry for since the snake and the Angel with the flaming sword.

The Plantom Menace by theinkwell33 | 3.6k | G 

There is an urban legend well known in this area regarding The Plant Man. Footage exists, blurry and ill-lit, of the trespassing fiend, but it never provides a good look at his face. He exists only as a rumor; a giggled whisper in someone’s ear at the pub, an inside joke at uni, and a viral sensation. None of these things mean he is not real. That being said, the only person who can corroborate the truth about the Plant Man is the man himself. And unfortunately, Anthony J. Crowley has no idea that it’s him.

get religion quick (cause you're looking divine) by brinnanza | 4k | G |

So it was fine. Even if Crowley couldn’t love him, he clearly liked him well enough, and that was almost the same thing. It no doubt would have continued to be fine, or at least fine-adjacent, were it not for a narrowly averted apocalypse and several bottles of a really quite nice Riesling Aziraphale had found in the back room of his newly restored bookshop.

to carthage then i came by Lvslie | 4k | T | 

‘You’re difficult to follow sometimes.’ ‘Difficult?’ Crowley echoes, feeling hollow. ‘Am I too fast? Am I going—’ And just like that, there’s something new in the silence between them, a tightening. The glass almost slips from his grasp, sliding from between languid fingers. His vision clouds. —too fast for you?’

Snakes and Stones (Never Broke My Bones) by DeerstalkerDeathFrisbee | 4.5k | G

No one wants to say it, but the residents of Dorm A, floor 3, are collectively convinced Aziraphale Fell’s boyfriend does not exist. This is their story.

as the poets say by nikkiRA | 4.6k | T

Crowley takes a long drink of his wine and then says, before he can chicken out, “Aziraphale, I have always been sure about you.”

Re-Recalled by Jennistar | 5k | T |

Halfway through an argument, Aziraphale gets accidentally discorporated and doesn't come back. Crowley does the sensible thing and panics.

the bookshop nemesis witch by FlipSpring | 5k | G

The life and times of Nicole Percival Castings, Witch. Featuring: her ongoing love/rivalry with a particular magical bookstore, an Eccentric(TM) shopkeeper who keeps a huge snake in aforementioned bookstore, finding oneself and one's magical power, the cyclicality of life.

your smile speaks books to me by laiqualaurelote | 5k | T 

Aziraphale's bookshop becomes accidentally famous on Instagram, to his great distress. Since Crowley invented Instagram, it's also his problem.

it's a new craze by attheborder | 5.5k | G | 

CROWLEY: I try not to make a habit of gratitude, but I must give our appreciation to everyone out there who’s been listening and subscribing to The Ineffable Plan. AZIRAPHALE: Ooh, yes, we���ve become quite popular, haven’t we?CROWLEY: Yeah, just hit number eight on the advice charts … No advertising at all.  AZIRAPHALE: Mm. How … miraculous. CROWLEY: … Aziraphale. You did not.

your apple-eating heathen by katarzi | G | 5.7k

History is written without them, and Crowley’s no lady.

the blues have run the game by indigostohelit | 6k | NC-17 (more of an M)

Halfway between the Beginning and the Apocalypse, Crowley visits the court of King Saul, and runs into a prince, a war camp, and a songbook. 

the earth has never felt this old by brawlite | 6k | T

Crowley has a long history with holy places.

TwoFish by Grindylowe | 6k | T | 

A love story about angels and demons. Also, fish

A Nice and Accurate Lesbian Herstory Archive by badwig | T | 6.6k

More or less just the opening montage from 'Hard Times' but they're lesbians - a series of vignettes from the Garden to now.

parable of shepherds by Lvslie | 6k | T |

‘Aziraphale, you need to stop telling that goddamned story to everyone we stumble upon,’ she hisses. ‘I’m serious. You keep it up much longer, everyone’s gonna think we’ve gone and murdered that alleged husband of mine. ‘Crowley,’ Aziraphale says blithely, a serene smile plastered to her face as a familiar-looking man passes by, ‘Dear. That’s what I want them to think.’

Nothing Like The Sun by mirawonderfulstar | 6k | T |

One tended to go through a number bodies in six thousand years, even if one was as cautious or sturdy as Aziraphale. Crowley, who was neither cautious nor sturdy, had gone through a large number. He’d changed appearance so many times that in Aziraphale’s memory he was often just his eyes, for no matter if Crowley was tall or short, lithe or stocky, blond or raven-haired, his eyes stayed the same. 

Blessed/Cursed Retirement by DictionaryWrites | 7k | T

Liam Buttersby, a very normal, nine-year-old boy, makes a friend in the retiree who has recently moved to his village in the South Downs. The retiree in question claims to hate it, and is a liar.

the technology is neutral by Deputychairman | 7k | NC-17 | 

“Stand up?” he echoed, incredulous but too undone by sensation to express the full force of his disbelief. “I can barely even remember my own name after that, and you want me to stand up?” “Your name is Anthony J Crowley, apparently, although you never did tell me what the J stood for so I can’t help you there,” he said, not hiding his smile. “Do stand up, I promise you’ll like it.”

Part of the Plan by HardlyFair | 7k | T |

In which things do not return to the exact way they were Before.

Where Thou Art by Mottlemoth | 7.5k | M | 

A late-night bus to London, a few human comforts, and a long overdue confession... nothing will ever be the same for an angel and his demon.

The Ark by rfsmiley | 7k | T 

We’ve all been assuming that it takes them 6,000 years to figure it out, but what if it takes 6,300?

Or: the ineffable husbands evacuate a dying Earth.

Ad Astra by drawlight | 8K | NC-17

Some things can only be said in the dark.

except you enthrall me, never shall be free by curtaincall | 8k | T

It's a classic story: Angel meets knight. Angel volunteers to get beheaded by knight. Knight turns out to be angel's demon frenemy. Somehow, there is kissing. Based on the Middle English ballad Sir Gawain and the Green Knight.

Falling Rain by Aria | 8k | T |

Once upon a time, an angel and a demon hitched a ride on the Ark.

such surpassing brightness by Handful_of_Silence | 8k | G | 

The revelation that Aziraphale might have been in love with him for thousands of years is surprising. The fact that literal books have been written on the subject comes as even more of a shock.

Without Creativity by htebazytook | 8k | NC-17 |

Another Crowley and Aziraphale through the ages fic, with some heavy symbolism thrown in for good measure.

Exit Wounds by racketghost | 8k | T

“At least they were together for a time,” Crowley says, staring at the lit end of his cigarette, “maybe that’s enough.”

On The Matter Of Touch by Somedrunkpirate | 9k | T

“On the matter of touch,” Crowley begins, waving his teaspoon in what he hopes passes for idle curiosity. “Thoughts?”

and, so on by PaintedVanilla | 9k | M | 

Crowley doesn’t remember heaven, but Aziraphale remembers him.

Going Home by Daegaer | 9k | G | 

Aziraphale is recalled to Heaven, Crowley isn't impressed.

The future's going to break through by nieded | 10k | T

My take on South Downs: Aziraphale and Crowley decide to become professors. This is inspired by the headcanon that Crowley has 20 different degrees. He is the Serpent of the Tree of Knowledge after all.

Wings and How to Hide Them by triedunture | M | 10k 

Crowley's been annoyingly in love for six thousand years. What's another lifetime between friends? Or: Aziraphale definitely fucks and isn't that just perfect?

The Gospel of Crowley by gutterandthestars | 10k | T

Crowley tempts Jesus in the wilderness! Turns out Jesus gives as good as he gets. Also Crowley pines over Aziraphale and has Big Gay Angsty Feelings because, well. Because Crowley.

A Nanny? In MY Summoning Circle? by pukner | 10k | Not Rated

(it's more likely than you think) Warlock "Lockie" Dowling summons a demon. Or, he buys a book off a suspiciously familiar bookseller and is convinced into demon summoning. It goes about as well as you'd expect.

damn.nation, now available on itunes by antistar_e (kaikamahine) | 10k | T

When lowly tempt-pusher Amphora (formerly of Stairwell 7B North, before she Fell,) gets the notice that end times are nigh, she gleefully quits her job and cancels her Netflix subscription and takes her place among the legions of hell. This, it turns out, was a bad plan.

Lie Back And Think Of Dinner by jessthereckless | 11k | M |

"Crowley, this is a disaster. This is everything I ever wanted. We’re in love. And there’s a picnic. And we don’t seem to be able to get…amorous without causing earthquakes.” Aziraphale attempts subterfuge. Crowley sees right through him.

Something to do with these sacred words by Solshine | 11k | T

Crowley confesses early, and Crowley confesses often. Aziraphale never knows quite what to say.

A Resurrection of Whales, and Other Omens of Varying Goodness by Margo_Kim | 11k | WIP | T

After the end of the world doesn't end anything, Heaven and Hell send replacements to Earth while the old representatives try to figure out their new normal.

Serpentine by sergeant_smudge | 11k | G |

Five ways in which Crowley is a snake. *And one more thing.

what's to come by PepperPrints, restlesslikeme | 11k | T 

Post-Apocalyptic AU. Even without the Antichrist, both Heaven and Hell insist on Armageddon. Aziraphale is missing and Crowley sets out to find him, driving through a scorched Earth with a witch in his passenger seat.

Basking by bomberqueen17 | 15k | NC-17

Crowley is extremely confused about how or whether celestial beings can experience physical sexual desire. He's also not fantastic at using his words. Things go all... snake-shaped.

Nanny Knows Best by DictionaryWrites | 17k | M

Being a nanny, that should be simple. Simple. Easy as pie. Crowley wished that were true.

One Night In Bangor (And the World's Your Oyster) by Atalan | 17k | NC-17

"All right, I know I'm going to regret asking this," Aziraphale says. "What exactly does this wager entail?” Crowley grins like the cat that not only got the cream but has absconded with the entire cow. He grabs the bottle and swigs straight from it despite Aziraphale's tut of disapproval. "The pot goes to whichever demon can get an angel into bed by the end of the evening."

Soft (A Love Story in Three Bites) by mia_ugly | 18.3k | NC-17

Crowley was an angel, once. Before she fell. Aziraphale was a warrior (she fell too. It just took a little longer.)

The Persephone Clause by Zetared | 20k | T |

When Crowley is forcibly recalled to home office, Aziraphale conspires with a denounced saint and strikes a deal with the agents of Hell to get him back.

in search of the wind by drawlight | 27k | NC-17

After the World Doesn't End, Aziraphale is not returned to his body. Crowley tries to find a way to get to Heaven's fast-shut gates. Aziraphale tries to find his way back from the sky (and back in time).

And So We Come Full Circle by Hekateras | 30k | T | 

"Angel. You know it's gonna be really bad, this time around," Crowley says slowly. "When the times comes, I want you to-"

Mirror, Mirror by ImprobableDreams900 | 44k | T

Adam, Eve, and Crawly flee Eden through the Western Gate, and it turns out that that simple decision makes all the difference in the world...

Slow Show by mia_ugly | 90k | NC-17

In which temptations are accomplished, grand romantic gestures are made, and two ineffable co-stars only take four seasons of an award-winning television program to realize they’re on their own side (at last, at last.)

Demonology and the Tri-Phasic Model of Trauma: An Integrative Approach by Nnm | 100k | T

What Aubrey Thyme, a professional, thought, upon first seeing her new client was: you’re going to be a fun one, aren’t you?

Eden!verse by ImprobableDreams900 | 550k | T-M

When Crowley gets captured by angels and dragged up to Heaven, Aziraphale knows he has to rescue him—no matter the consequences.

[lamujerarana]

Ace/Aro Representation in Popular Media: A Reference Guide

NOVELS

THE GENTLEMAN’S GUIDE TO VICE AND VIRTUE AND THE LADY’S GUIDE TO PETTICOATS AND PIRACY BY MACKENZI LEE 

REPRESENTATION: Felicity Montague, a supporting character in the first book and the main character of the second, is openly aroace. There’s a lot of queer rep in these books apart from Felicity -- her brother, the main character of the first book, is bi, and there are also gay and lesbian characters.

PLOT: Felicity is a white, British teen girl who is dead set on becoming a doctor in the 1700s, despite opposition on all sides, both from her family and the misogynist men who control the medical establishment, and she is also busy navigating a world where her value as a person is equated with her ability to marry and have children, despite the fact that she has no desire to do either.

SAWKILL GIRLS BY CLAIRE LEGRAND  

REPRESENTATION: Zoey, one of the three main characters, is ace, black, and a teen girl. The other two protagonists, Marion and Val, are also openly queer. 

PLOT: Teen girls keep mysteriously vanishing without a trace from Sawkill Island and no one seems to be doing anything about it. Zoey, the daughter of the local sheriff, starts her own investigation after her best friend disappears. Not to spoil too much, but the plot involves monsters, a terrible curse, and magic.

EVERY HEART A DOORWAY BY SEANAN MCGUIRE

REPRESENTATION: The main character, Nancy, is an ace white girl. The Wayward Children series as a whole has tons of queer rep, including trans and lesbian characters. The author, Seanan McGuire, is demisexual and biromantic.

PLOT: Nancy fell through a doorway into a magical world, but now she’s back home, and she is having difficulty adjusting. Her parents send her to a boarding school for children who have had similar experiences, but then someone begins murdering Nancy’s classmates in grisly ways.

PROTECTOR OF THE SMALL SERIES BY TAMORA PIERCE

REPRESENTATION: The main character, Keladry of Mindelan, is an aro white girl.

PLOT: The series follows the struggles and adventures of Keladry, one of the first women to be allowed to train to be a knight, beginning when she is ten years old.

THE CIRCLE OF MAGIC SERIES BY TAMORA PIERCE

REPRESENTATION: Sandry, one of the main characters, is an ace white girl. There’s other queer rep in this series -- Daja is a black lesbian.

PLOT: Follows the adventures of four young mages, as they learn how to use and control their powers.

THE SHADOWHUNTER CHRONICLES BY CASSANDRA CLARE

REPRESENTATION: One of the supporting characters, Raphael Santiago, is an aroace Mexican vampire. The most explicit discussion of Raphael’s aroaceness happens in the short story “Son of the Dawn” in the upcoming Ghosts of the Shadow Market anthology (he specifically mentions being completely uninterested in romance) and in the novel The Red Scrolls of Magic, where he describes his sexual orientation as “not interested.”

PLOT: When fifteen-year-old Clary Fray heads out to the Pandemonium Club in New York City, she hardly expects to witness a murder — much less a murder committed by three teenagers covered with strange tattoos and brandishing bizarre weapons. Clary knows she should call the police, but it’s hard to explain a murder when the body disappears into thin air and the murderers are invisible to everyone but Clary. Equally startled by her ability to see them, the murderers explain themselves as Shadowhunters: a secret tribe of warriors dedicated to ridding the earth of demons. Within twenty-four hours, Clary’s mother disappears and Clary herself is almost killed by a grotesque demon.But why would demons be interested in ordinary mundanes like Clary and her mother? And how did Clary suddenly get the Sight? The Shadowhunters would like to know….

TASH HEARTS TOLSTOY BY KATHRYN ORMSBEE

REPRESENTATION: The main character, Tash, is an alloromantic ace woman.

PLOT: An ace coming-of-age story. Tash’s web series, based on Tolstoy’s Anna Karenina, becomes unexpectedly popular, and she must navigate her newfound fame and the difficulties of her crush on a fellow YouTuber. 

LET’S TALK ABOUT LOVE BY CLAIRE KANN

REPRESENTATION: Alice, the main character, is bi, ace, black, and a woman. 

PLOT: Alice’s girlfriend dumps her (because she finds out Alice is ace) right before summer break, and she decides that she’s through with dating...until she meets a boy named Takumi.

COMIC BOOKS

RAVEN: THE PIRATE PRINCESS BY JEREMY WHITLEY

REPRESENTATION: Jayla Cooke, a secondary character, is a black, autistic, aroace woman. Nearly every character in this series is openly queer.

PLOT: Raven Xingtao, pirate princess, cobbles together a pirate crew composed entirely of women in order to gain revenge against her brothers, who stole her inheritance away from her.

JUGHEAD BY CHIP ZDARSKY

REPRESENTATION: This is the series that establishes that Jughead Jones is aroace.

PLOT: Riverdale High provides a quality education and quality hot lunches, but when one of those is tampered with, Jughead Jones swears vengeance! 

THE MOVEMENT BY GAIL SIMONE

REPRESENTATION: Roshanna Chatterji, one of the main characters, is a canonically ace Indian-American woman (I suspect she’s aro as well, but that’s not explicitly confirmed).

PLOT: The young heroes of The Movement rise up to take back the dirty streets of Coral City. But when one of their own is captured by the police, it’s Coral City’s finest against the citizens they have neglected to protect.

TELEVISION

SHADOWHUNTERS

REPRESENTATION: One of the supporting characters, Raphael Santiago, is an ace Mexican vampire.

PLOT: Based on Cassandra Clare's bestselling young adult fantasy book series, "The Mortal Instruments," Shadowhunters follows a group of human-angel hybrids who fight to protect their world by hunting down demons. With warlocks, vampires, werewolves, and ominous threats at every turn, the Shadowhunters must lean on each other and their abilities to keep the darkness at bay.

SIRENS

REPRESENTATION: Voodoo, one of the secondary characters, is a white asexual woman. 

PLOT: The series follows the work lives of three Chicago EMT paramedics with the Eminent Ambulance Company and the unusual—often crude or humorous—situations and people in need of their assistance.

BOJACK HORSEMAN

REPRESENTATION: Todd Chavez, one of the supporting characters, is an asexual Latino man.

PLOT: BoJack Horseman, the washed-up star of the 1990s sitcom Horsin' Around, plans his big return to celebrity relevance with a tell-all autobiography to be written by his ghostwriter Diane Nguyen. BoJack also has to contend with the demands of his agent and on-again-off-again girlfriend Princess Carolyn, the misguided antics of his freeloading roommate Todd Chavez, and his friend and rival Mr. Peanutbutter.

If anyone knows of any others, please share! 

[goatpaste]

god out here seein butchleopardstar talkin bout their old wc oc and i just have this urge to show my old ones ESPEcially ones i still have

also a fun lil look into my shitty old art 

angel was like my big first MAIN wc oc and she was called angelwing/angelstar and was the leader of demonclan a group of demon monster cats. she was married to a dude named devilheart (who is now a retired oc sorry devilheart) and they had kids and they all fought the forcesss off eeeeviiil. 

i still  own her and love her, my special first oc,,

Devilheart who is a now retired oc he was angelstars mate and was just a demon who was a big softy who loved his wife but had a temper for annoying people

dragonflight another member of demonclan and one of angelstars friends, he had the stupid storyline of being in love with angelstar despite her having a family and then also being in an unhappy marriage with a lady named blizzardlove

hes a retired oc

blizzardlove who was dragonflight mate and had the exact same storyline but with her being in love with devilheart.

she is oc retired now, but if i was smarter then i woulda relized she was in love with angel

brightflower (now just bright) was one of angelstar and devilhearts kids and was just a very sweet big hearted girl shes still that and loves her mom very much shes just not a cat anymore and is like her current moms story and is in lesbians with one of their evil mortal enemies pride

puretime (now just pure) was another one of angelstars kids who was just for the most part a regular cat but like a werewolf became a giant unstoppable monster on a blue moon that attacks everyone. hes very shy and nervous and scared of himself current him i still own and hes just about the same but he’s people, not related to angel and whatever but he still got scary werewolf live monsters livin in him

ghost flower was the third kid of angelstar and devilheart. she was a ghost cat demon thing and was super rowdy and i loved her a lot of the three. she was angelstars deputy.

now she retired having not been used in years

god THIs oc i didnt even remember existed until i saw her on my DA. her name is Applebabble she was apparently Puretimes daughter and has a speech impediment but the ability to copy voices.

she defiantly got retired oops lol

Envy who was the daughter of Angelstars mortal enemy Reborn but envhdsgsdk envy hated being apart of a family of evil and just wanted to be a normal good person. shes TECHNICALLY not retired i still draw her mom and sibling but i also havent drawn her in years

sinborn the first born on Reborn and favirote daughter.

she means and cruel and knows she favorite and plays to it. she steps on her sisters all the time and its a lil bastard

she was retired a long time ago,,,

Pride who was reborns (at the time son) third daughter who was just a typical scummy bastard who fell in love with angelstars daughter brightflower and is just trying to balance being super evil with being smithened by one of the sweetest lil light in the universe and pride still the same except lesbians now

reborn, the big miss bady of my childhood she was just totally evil through and through and loved to be bad and be a pain on angelstars life. now shes still angelstars mortal enemy but with homoerotic subtext

solarspark, this ugly ugly design im so sorry i did that to you apparently he was suppous to be Brightflowers son who had an obsession with know who his mystery father was i guess defiantly a retired oc

Mirrorpool, Solarsparks brother. who was a lot chiller and big ‘no care’ attitude. he loved his mother and was very sure of himself and his skills.

a retired oc that i still do love the design on. simple but cute

god plush was a stupid ass character whos whole thing was that he could stand and was in love with a gang member but in a no homo way and was defiantly homophobic

now hes just plush the guy defiantly and openly gay for the hot gang leader. and he still stands and is just a furry oc now

Nightkit, designed for a wc rp group on DA, drew her once and then forgot she existed lol

Waxwhisker, also made for that group of wc Rp stuff that i immediately forgot about. he meant to be in waterlcan

timetravler who was as his named said, is a timetravler. he would just show up around leafclan who take people on timetraveling adventures. and was V gay he would often turn these adventures into romantic gestures for handsome men.

i still own this one! idk why i felt like i couldnt let him go,,,

east who was apart of my ‘compass ocs’ he was just a fancy cat who raised his adoptive son west and hate siblings of north and west. they really jdshgds didnt have much story beyond that? idk why i made them

hes just a bunny named east now lol

then west to go along with east. he was just baby cowboy supreme.

south who was just big big meany, she was just very grumpy and violent. 

souths brother north who hh is a polar bear now and doesnt have a full up to dte ref, im workin on it lol

but got his old art and design, bad

spookyfire who was apart of my old rp friends clan Hauntedclan and they lived in an abandond mansion. she ws married to the leader lizardstar and they had maNY baby

she is retired U.U

Wickedspell, one of spookyfires many baby

she makes potions and is a lil witch

i tried to revamp her a few times over the years but yknow

things happen

Battlestar, another of spookyfires kids, leader after Lizardstar of Hauntedclan

retired character

Zerogravity anOTher one of spookyfires kiddos she was a sweet lil lady who was with a guy named Arksoul who stood by her after she learned herself incapable of kids.

retired character

wire who was the leader of my own baby version of bloodclan, known as savageclan. wire was an absolute monster who abused those around him and threaten even those he loved to get what he wanted.

his clan was located in a nearby abandoned power plant

his mate scrawnyskull left him with their kids after she realized how horrible he was.

scrawnyskull, Wires ex mate. she and her sister was a pet taken from her home by savageclan cats and raised in their terrible ways. she was later made wires mate. When scrawnyskull realized how far wire was willing to go to get what he wanted, she left behind her life in savage clan to raise her kids in a nearby clan iceclan.

now shes just a big monster lady oc who loves her babies

flora, shes scrawnyskulls daughter

thats about it, and i still have her around

phantum, scrawnyskulls son whos just a lil guy

storm, another one os scrawnyskulls kids, a stubborn lil guy

retired oc

Flare, scrawnyskulls sister who like swanyskull was taken from her home as a pet and made a member of savageclan. she too late realized how bad savageclan is after her sister left 

now she just a kitty cat furry oc lol shes the fun aunt

Force, one of my savageclan memebers she hated savageclanbut leaving wasnt  really an option

retired oc

another savageclan clan oc named scratch, he knew savageclan was bad but figured noone else would have him at this point

retired oc

twitch, another savageclan character. lazy bastard

retired oc

killier, another saveclan kitty who was stolen from his home as a kid and is now one of wires trusted bodygaurds

Fang, lil lady of savageclan

retired oc

badger and wolf, savageclan bastard brothers

oh they irritating

retired oc

Hollow, savageclan cat. saved by savageclan warriors as a child would have died if not for them. feels in dept to them

retired oc

snipe, savageclan warrior taken from his pet home at a young age. learning of his orgins in adulthood came to have a fascination for humans

retired oc

Fox savageclan lady

retired oc

Diamond, pretty savageclan lady

retired oc

leafclan warrior SafariPuma

now hes just a big muscle tiddy kitty

bright?? who was just a cat made of blood?

retired oc

cabbitleap, just a cat rabbit grumpy man

retired oc

icestar, leader of my iceclan i made forever ago

retired oc

rosedew, daughter of icestar and her mate snaketail

ragingstar, first leader of iceclan. spunky loud lady

now shes is named flamingo and is mmm creature!

goddessstar, leader of stellarclan

retired oc

Dim horrible daughter of goddesstar 

retired ocs

silentnight, i think i made her just to have that name

retired oc

his name is fucking coxdream, he was half cat half fox and at age 10 or whatever just DID not relize the motherfucker name sounded like that

now his name is still cox dream and now hes just a horny joke/serious character lol 

Gracie, a loner who easily fell in love and constantly had her heart broken

now shes a zombie and falls in love and then eats the people she likes which sucks

B their a ninja cat

Dagger, cyborg cat who was experimented on

now shes a cool fortune teller with robot parts for fun

wasp was probably one of my first cat ocs when i started being into warriors  i still have him and love him and im currently designing him a boyfriend,,

brown who was friends with wasp 

i think she could technically be said to be one of my first fursonas lol

retired oc

badsmog, never did much wqith her beyond design

still have her as smog and she is creature

[gayllamafromspace]

I dunno if anyone would be interested in this at all, but I have an original project I've been mulling over for the past few months. I mean COMPLETELY original. Original characters, world, cultures (that take inspiration from some irl religions and practices), gods/religion. Literally everything.

Anyway, I have some OCs that I've been trying to flesh out a story for. Their names are Lyra Cygnus, Raith Vera, and Tori La Joya. There are some side characters of course (Quinton La Joya, Elaena Cygnus-La Joya, Susane Roe-La Joya... then the gods: Melanna, Ludor, and Zara)

Lyra is cannotically a Lesbian, Raith is Pan, and Tori is Demi/Polyamorous.

Ages:

At the beging of the story Lyra is 19, Raith is 70(she's a vampire, physically she is 20), and Tori is 12 - almost 13. This is when they all get together and meet.

When the real shit starts happening, Lyra is 22, Raith is 73, and Tori is 15.

By the end of the story, I'm thinking that Tori should be 19 or 20. So that would make Lyra 26/27, and Raith would be 77/78.

So the whole story takes place over the span of 7 to 8 years, with a few flashbacks and junk.

-------------

What will the plot be? I'm still trying to figure that out. I do know that there will be war/battle/prophecies/magic and things like that.

Basically though, there's a prophecy about a human gifted by Zara with magick who would end the war between man and magick(a human hasn't been directly gifted for over a century, all witches at the current time are hereditary magick users - descended from the witches who were blessed well over 100 years ago.)

Now, all of the strings attached to that shit weren't accounted for. I'm trying to be as vague as possible lol. I do have pictures of my lovely children tho! I will reblog this with them.

Anyway, people die, people get hurt, horrible shit happens. There will be racism and political problems, along with religious clashes. Humans basically decided they they are the superior race and had begun worshiping their own God - a fake one, but it's all really a political sham in order to keep control and stuff. Only magical races, and some humans, worship the REAL gods.

The Gods:

Melanna, the first God. Goddess of creation, light, darkness, love, and authority.

Ludor, the second God, created Melanna (he was once a mortal Nymph, they fell in love and she made him a god) he's the God of life, death, reincarnation, balance, and change.

Zara, the child of Ludor and Melanna. She is closest to the mortal races of Renowyn (the world they live in), she's the Goddess of peace, magick, mortality, and fate.

Mortal Races:

There are of course all of the animals from this world.

Avians are a race of winged humanoids that were created in Melanna's image. They are diverse, and basically the messengers of all races. (Think Angels, but less ethereal) They were the first race created, they have free thought and individuality. The only thing Melanna asks is that they always seek new knowledge and insure that freedom is never stripped from those undeserving. Avians can live a very long time, 300 years at most. An Avian society can be best compared to one of ancient Rome or Greece. Avians can use magick.

Nymphs were the second race Melanna created, and the race that Ludor came from. The Nymphs have horns, pointy ears, and tails. The are humanoid, like the Avians, but lack the defining wings and longer life spans. Nymphs can only live up to 100 years. The Nymphs were created to bring peace and fertility to the earth. They're culture can be best compared to that of Native Americans. There are 4 different types tribes. The forest tribe, the desert tribe, the valley tribe, and the snowy tribe. Ludor had been a descendant chief of a forest tribe, he united all of the tribes and became the head cheiftan of the Nymphs.

(Avians and Nymphs have long been at odds, they eventually had built a wall separating themselves from eachother. The wall built to avoid further conflict, like the kind that created humans)

Humans were created by Melanna striping traitorous avians of their wings and magick. They were exiled to another continent. The former avians, now humans, in question had enslaved and tortured nymphs under the impression that "they are inferior and do not deserve to exist in their disconnect from Melanna" (Avians have a closer relationship with Melanna than Nymphs do). The rebel Avians shunned the knowledge of the Nymphs and stile their freedom, so Melanna saw fit to punish them. They went directly against her wishes. (This all happened before Ludor was made a god) Human society is comparable to medieval times - kingdoms, kings/queens, lords/ladies, dukes/duchesses, etc.

Witches/seers were created by Zara. Humans who she saw as worthy to give the gift of magick and foresight too. (She asked her mom first, don't worry) Witcher are the reason that Werewolves and Vampires exist. Their culture is comparable to paganism/Celtic/nordic traditions. They are a race of discovery and practice. At one with nature.

Werewolves were created when a coven of witches attempted to punish human criminals by turning them into wolves so that they would be hunted. (The criminals were rapists, murderers, pedophiles, etc) the coven was tacked during the ritual which caused the curse to go wrong. Instead of being turned into wild wolves, they were turned into bloodthirsty monsters that would be to shift during the full moon. Pure blooded werewolves have no control in their wolf form, and the only remaining pure blooded werewolves are all incestuous. Werewolves with delluted blood (werewolves that crossed with humans) gain more control and less monstrous forms as the gene is passed down. Lyra is decended from werewolves and has more humanity in her blood than beast, so she can shift whenever she wants (there is still the urge to shift during a full moon, but she can resist) and she is full conscious and aware of what's going on while in wolf form. The diluted gene can only be activated if someone descended from werewolves is scratched or bitten by one. If a normal human is bitten nor scratched the would will get infected and kill them. The saliva of a werewolf attacks the white blood cells and would prevent the wound from healing on a normal human. They would bleed out and die.

Vampires were also created by witches through a curse. A man, basically Jeffrey Dommer, was supposed to be cursed to never walk in the light of day again, least he die. He would forever be hungry and never be able to sate his hunger. There was a miss pronounciation, and the whole thing went to shit. He was indeed always hungry, but he would feed off of the blood of humans. He could not walk in the light of day or he would burn and die. But he gained unimaginable speed, agility, strength, and heightened senses as well. He went off on a murdering spree, but on his way he had accidentally turned some people. These new vampires were furious and killed him in his own palace. They turned their families. Vampires could live virtually forever, because their body would no longer decay over time. Like the werewolf gene, as the venom was passed down from vampire to human, it's potency would lessen. Within 4 generations of vampires, they had developed a tolerance for sunlight, they could easily get a sunburn, but they would not die. They could feed on the blood of animals rather than humans, and even live off of human food. Garlic though became a common allergy, ingesting it could give them a severe stomach virus and possibly burn holes into their stomachs. Raith is one of the most humanlike vampires of the time, so human that she actually has full functionality of her womb. She does still need blood though, and she can tolerate werewolf blood in small amounts.

Shapeshifters are the species created when werewolves and witches have children. They have a weakness to magick, but they can shift their appearance to look however they imagine it. If wounded, they will revert back to their original form until healed. Their original form is just like a humans.

Fae are the more reclusive species of Renowyn. They are created when Nymphs and witches have children. They are nature spirits at heart and have close relationships with the earth, their magick is plant based. They can turn invisible. Sirens are a rare subspecies of Fae. They live in the depths of the ocean and only come on land during the high tide. Many are the love children of Fae and shapeshifters. Normal Fae have pointy ears (down cast... I'll show a picture in the reblog), sharp fangs protruding from the bottoms of their mouths (think orcs?). Sea Fae/Sirens have webbed ears, fingers, and fins on their arms. During low tide they sport the usual fishtail or tentacles, but during high tide that are more humanoid. They can camoflodge, but they can't turn invisible.

ANYWAY!!! I just wanted to share my random stuff. I guess show that I do kore than just fan projects? I dunno, I just wanna talk about this stuff with somebody, get opinions and see if anyone is interested.

Please, please I'm begging, no one steal this from me. I've poured my heart and should into this, please don't take away and call it yours. I know that's a massive risk when putting my stuff on here... but please, have a heart and leave my story be, this passion project is more than just a drabble. It's a life goal, I want to create something from this and share it with world. Dont be an asshole and crush my dreams by stealing it and making it your own... I will condone making your own OCs out of the taxes and stuff, just credit me with #Renowyn or just #GayLlamaFromSpace Original Project or whatever... or just @ me lol. That is if anyone would be interested in creating (a) character(s)? I dunno. Just... this is here now. I'll probably be posting more about it.

[neirawrites]

I was a Twihard in high school. Then I was a Twilight hater. In  2018, I decided to reread the first book, to see for myself on which side I belonged. I wrote my thoughts as I read, in multiple parts, but on my main blog, so I thought I might share them on my writeblr too, because I kinda had fun with it. 

Enjoy my many, many notes

Pages 0-50

I’m actually kinda into it. Yeah, there are a many issues every article on editing tells you to fix (filter words, -ing verbs and things like that), but i feel it. I don’t know what it is, but it’s there.

Bella isn’t that bad of a protagonist. Nothing too spectacular, but she’s fine. She is depressed, self sacrificing and hides her feelings, but also a lot more self aware than i though she would be(like when she notices mike, my son, likes her). She’s a typical teenage girl, the introverted type, way into reading. there’s nothing wrong with that.

I don’t know why i remember Edward being a draco in leather pants,but he’s also fine for now. mysterious and handsome and a bit weird. The first real conversation they have, he’s polite and nice and charming. I expected him to be a dick for like 150 pages at least.

Pages 50-100

I’m still really into it.

Yeah,Edward kinda ghosts her/gaslights her after the whole van incident, but with the benefit of hindsight,i kinda get it. It’s a wonder he didn’t pick up his entire family and moved to Alaska again. I also get her mood during that time and I've been there so i feel ya,Bella,it’s not your fault.

And yeah, Bella gets invited to the dance by three different guys and it’s all kinds of fan fic-y, but the fact she turns them down furthers my belief she’s wake up married to Edward in like a few years and realize she would rather be with Rosalie (a solid choice, might i add).

Edward’s really pushy, especially when it comes to the scene after she faints. like, let her go, you jerk, she can drive herself, but he’s more weird than he’s a jerk and i think that was intentional.

A big surprise was the line “what if i’m not the hero, what if i’m the bad guy?” which isn’t this super cheesy, extra dramatic sentence but a jokey joke told with a laugh. actually, that whole conversation in the cafeteria where she tries to guess what he is is gold and don’t try to tell me otherwise.

I’m reading her interests in him as less of a romantic thing, and more of frustration at his behavior,like she would still be fascinated by him if he wasn’t so hot because he’s just so weird (but being hot is definitely a plus).

Plot? What plot?

Still, while the flaws are there, i’m still enjoying it very much.

Pages 100-150

Is Stephanie Meyer into anime? Cuz she wrote a harem light novel,that’s what she did and that’s how i’ll read it from now on and have more fun doing it. (Might make a post elaborating on this further).

All this to say that we got to Jacob. Not gonna lie, I kinda forgot about him.  He seems like a nice kid and i’m glad Bella has some positive interaction. Team jacoj 4 life (jk,man,i was team jasper in high school which is in retrospect very weird of me). I know he becomes a friend-zoned dudebro later, but for now, he’s fine.

Meyer, lady, you’re winning me over as a half hearted defender of your work, but why are the girls so bitchy? Yeah,i know, bitchy girls exist in real life, especially in high schools,but girls are our friends and we need more positive female on female interactions. Just my personal preference, I guess.

Things are getting interesting. Bella’s dreaming weird dreams (just fyi, not a big fan of dream scenes in general), she’s googling like crazy  and we’re going to Port Angeles.

I never felt she has any sort of affection for Angela or Jessica who seem really nice and have done nothing wrong. Like loosen up Bella, give them a chance. I know, depression makes you into a bitch sometimes, but it would warm me up to her character if she was a little more affectionate with people around her.

That whole scene where she almost gets at best beaten up and mugged and at worst raped and killed is… not my favorite part of the whole thing. I get what Meyer needed to do, to have her be saved by Edward, but there must have been a better way to go about it. What do I know? I’m the queen of forced plot contrivances. I do like their conversation at the restaurant (again, why do we hate the female waitress, Steph?). I don’t know why, I expected Edward to be mad at Bella for what happened to her and he seems genuinely concerned and his anger feels… human. Some of his actions, however, do not.

He stalked her which is weird and creepy and I hate it. Don’t stalk people, Edward. most of us don’t like it. you’re lucky Bella’s a weirdo.

150-200

I kinda love how ok she’s with the whole vampire thing. she’s just “well, this kid i barely know told me a scary story, so i guess the guy from school is a vampire. it be like that sometimes.” my first assumption would be it’s all an elaborate prank to make fun of me (i have some deep seeded trust issues origins of which remain unknown). and he’s waaay to quick to confirm her suspicions. I think there’s an explanation in the part of midnight sun that got leaked, but that was like a century ago.

I would criticize her for being ride or die with Edward so fast, falling in love with him so quickly, but i exchanged like 5 sentences with a cute girl last night and a part of is ready to propose based on the artiness of her instagam, so who the eff am i to judge?

and i get why he’s fascinated with her. she’s the only one he can’t read.

why? i don’t think that question ever gets a good enough answer, but it’s a fictional story about a girl falling in love with a sparky vampire. i’m not here for complex science or detailed explanations.

he seems waaay too protective of her. She’s a big girl, Ed, she can take care of herself. It’s actually kinda annoying. i dislike how he treats like a child a lot of the time. he seems pretty condescending. also, if he broke her car, i’m taking back everything nice i said about him.

ok, let me finally address bella’s biggest character flaw, her clumsiness. i mean, i get why she has it but Meyer goes a bit too hard on it. i’m clumsy, i really am, full of bruises, always bumping into things, but Bella can’t walk 20 meters without tripping. i guess i’m just glad she becomes a vampire in the book four, otherwise the book five would have been about her struggles when she’s diagnosed with a stage four inoperable brain tumor that’s been mesing with her sense of balance and the whole things turns into a weird version of the fault in our starts.

if i were writing it i would focus on her trust issues and being unable to form real bonds with other people as her main flaw, maybe even use it to try and justify the whole thing with the mind Edward can’t read. Like, she’s too different in a way that makes her unable to connect even on a basic level, like that one Blue whale that sings at a different frequency than all the others. Idk,i write pulpy sci fi. but it’s easy to be a general after the battle.

we got to the two infamous lines:

how are you? 17. how long have you been 17?  is another line that’s more jokey than i though it would be, but also the most realistic piece of dialogue in this book. i would so ask the same thing.

About three things I was absolutely positive. First, this paragraph has been memed to death. Second, there was a part of me-and I didn’t know how potent that part might be-that would know every word of it till the day i died. And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably in like with it.

200-300

Not gonna lie, the whole part where he goes around asking her questions he is legitimately interested in knowing the answers to is at the same time my kinkiest fantasy and my deepest fear. like, yaaas, daddy, get to know me on the personal level and don’t be turn off by the fact i’m a tabula rasa.

We got to the infamous meadow scene and Bella is sooo horny on main for that vampire stake it’s actually kinda funny. She gets so effing into it she faints. I fucking love this girl. Go get that adonis dick, Bella, you deserve it.

I don’t mind vampires sparkle.i mean,it’s lame and fanfic-y but in Bosnia we have the lampires so vampires are creatures with a high dose of plasticity. i don’t know why that was like the worst thing anyone has ever done to the vampires. They are kinda too strong and could use a real weakness tho.  

So the lion fell in love with the lamb is kind of another joke. Also, this is the skin of a killer is sadly just in the movie.

I do have the feeling he likes the project that he sees in Bella more than the real girl,but ok. Also stop nagging her. He watches her sleep. What a creep. I don’t know why, but the fact that he’s a vampire who doesn’t have to sleep makes it kinda less creepy for me. I don’t know why.

But “if i could dream at all i would be about you,” is the kind of ultracheese i can get behind. they are both such teenagers and i kinda looooove it.

Also non of the boys were her type is such a lesbian excuse. I feel ya Bella, i feel ya. I hope you discover your gayness after the end of breaking dawn.

We meet the cullens and every single one of them has a backstory like 528 times more interesting than Edward. i need novels about them, all of them ffs. it would be so cool. but, one of my favorite oc’s Errien Lark gets like 30 lines in the whole book so i can only be as harsh on Meyer as on myself (which is to say a lot. neither of us deserve these characters, honestly)

This book would have been more interesting if Bella fell in love in any other cullen. Like, Bella and Alice, Bella and jasper (Bella and Jasper and Alice. Sorry, i’m into solving love triangles with ot3s).Bella and Rosalie, Calilise, Esme, even Emmett, who i remember  as mike of the vampires, but it’s been a decade.

300 pages in and plot is yet to happen, but it’s ok. we have the vampire baseball next.

the last part.

get your hot takes! hot takes right here

I kinda like billy. He seems like a nice guy. Also billy/charlie as my new otp.

“The beautiful one,the godlike one.” Bella, you are such a teen.

The less fucks she has about him being an all powerful ancient creature of the night who can murder her in a heartbeat, the funnier it is. She is just soo casual about it. Comedy gold, i tell ya. i mean, this is actually part of the narrative, Edward comments on it, meyer knows what she wrote.

Ed,maybe is you stopped saying she smells good, you would be better at not thinking about her as food. Mind over matter. Just a thought. Maybe i misjudged his virgin ass. Maybe ed the incel actually fell in love with her. Or at least what he thinks is love since they’ve been dating for like two days (look who’s talking?the girl who reads any sign of affection as a statement of love and then gets disappointed).

“Emmett could never be compared to a gazelle”. That’s sexist steph. Emmett, honey, you are as gracious as you want to be.

Also a big yaaaas on the whole concept of vampire baseball. we needed more of it.

Plot! Plot! Plot! Plot! Plot!

We have encountered plot. Only 320 pages in. three bad vampires came into town.

Story time: when i was in high school, all like 20 of us in out class were really, really into twilight (dudes included). we quoted it all the time but the height of comedy happened when someone brought their friend from another school to out class and someone else was like “you brought a snack” and a meme was born to be quoted endlessly for months. it was actually kinda fun. and probably very annoying for anyone who wasn’t into twilight.

Also, any development? Backstory? Motivations other than for the hell of it for out boi James and his ginger girlfriend? come on, it wouldn’t even be that hard. Also, some foreshadowing? There was like one line before. This is a legitimate criticism. it’s kinda shitty writing and a wasted opportunity.

Edward is being a dick again. I get he’s scared but her dad could die. Or maybe they’ll trun him into a vampire too (charlie/Edward? Think about it). But they all call him out on it which is nice. Bella’s plan isn’t bad, but “let me go charlie” is the straight up coldest thing i have read in a long time. it’s supposed to be, this isn’t criticism, just stating the obvious. But she showed like an inclining of love for her dad who has been nothing but nice all this time. Yeeey, she’s not a robot.

“It was the best idea. Of course it was mine” . Yaas, queen, you’re not that much of a doormat;  take that credit.

i would do something to foreshadow the ballet studio thing in the first half of the book. at least, have Bella or Charlie looking at pictures from her recital, just to intricate it to the plot a bit more.

Ok, now i remember why i was team jasper. He is so effing nice. And he would be awesome for my depression. Neira/Alice/jasper, i ship it.

i’m kinda digging the explanations of how vampires work and the whole venom thing. They are still op af and need to be nerfed, but i wanna be one.

Of course, he used the mom. She’s like the only person bella actually cares about. She falls for it. i would probably fall too, but i’m dumb.

the fact that james hunted Alice is a nice and a very much needed twist. it did catch me of guard. i would be more mad he’s a bad guy monologing, but i can only introduce stones to my own glass houses.

Bella’s now more into the idea of being a vampire than into Edward and i’m living for it. she’s going to use him for his venom and a baby and run off with rosalie.

“and how many times did she fall our of a window?” (yes, that is a Sherlock reference in the year 2018 of our lord. maybe i should do that for my next project. should i wait a few more years?)

her mom is not worried enough, honestly. my mom would be freaking out. but my mom has anxiety issues, so idk… (i couldn’t get her smooth hairless legs, or her blue eyes but i got that gene. thanks, i guess) .

“And i have a couple of girlfriends” now that’s a novel i want to read but i guess i’ll have to write the lesbian twilight myself.

“I want to be superman too”. yeeees, finally, kristen steward in the role of superman casting of the century. you would all watch it and love it, and you know it.

Charlie doesn’t deserve this shit. when will he retire with his husband billy in their cabin where they can fish all day.

“Do you want me to bolt the door so you can massacre the unsuspecting townsfolk?“ Are we sure she hasn’t been a vampire from day one?

Jacob is a sweetie (for now) just putting that out there.

Edward is kinda being unreasonable. being a vampire in your universe isn’t that bad.

Aaaaw, and that’s a wrap.

i actually kinda digged it. it’s nothing special, but i read these last 150 pages in one sitting. my main issues are writing oriented. very little foreshadowing, many filter words and things like that, but i guess if you aren’t that into writing, you might not even notice more of that.

it’s not the death of literature, it’s not the worst love story ever told. it’s just a silly and mostly harmless wish fulfillment novel.

edward can be a controlling and condescending prick but he gets called out on it very often. it’s not like meyer is completely oblivious to what she’s writing. and even tho he’s 100, i guess they are all mostly stuck mentally at the age when they were turned. or at least that’s how it seems to me. bella is kind of a bitch to everyone who’s not a vampire and she’s never called out on it, there’s a glimpse of change in the epilogue, but i don’t think meyer really considered it a character flaw. which is a shame, as it could have made for an interesting character. all the vampires have stories i would rather read about, as i said before, but what can ya do? that’s what’s fanfics are for.

i may write more of cohesive thought on it when it settles in my brain, but first, i need to watch the movie. i have a hypothesis i need to test.

but i don’t regret doing this. it was kinda fun and now i’m no longer ashamed of my twihard phrase. i could have done worse, as far as teen phases go.

Someone should like write a fanfic, but Edward is not a vampire, but a rich guy. And he’s into some hard core spanky business. And they should take all the problematic elements and just crank them up to 11. And add a looot of sex. I bet they could make millions.

Tho, honestly, how can you read twilight and not make bella the kinky dom? you fundamentally misunderstood the story. for shame

[aion-rsa]

Warrior Nuns Through TV History

https://ift.tt/eA8V8J

TV nunning is a broad church. Sometimes, it’s all gunfire, demon-dissolving punches and running through walls, as in Netflix’s latest comic book adaptation Warrior Nun. In that show, a mystical artifact gives a non-believing teen superpowers passed down the generations from holy sister to holy sister. Defeat the demons, protect the world, praise the Lord, and so on.

Other fictional TV nuns lead quieter, more cake-focused lives, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t also fighters. You might say that like superheroes, not all warrior nuns wear capes. You’d be wrong – nuns definitely wear capes. They’re called mantles and though roomy and practical, likely represent a significant time commitment with regard to ironing.

Warrior Nun‘s superpowered teen follows in the echoey footsteps of a whole conventful of fictional TV nuns remembered here – some good, some bad, some inordinately fond of biscuits, but all, in their own way, warriors.

Sister Mary Loquacious in Good Omens (2019)

Played by: Nina Sosanya

Allegiance: Satanic nuns of the Chattering Order of St Beryl

Warrior level: Novice

Weapon of choice: Infantilising baby talk of hoofikins and widdle demonic tails

Specialism: Biscuits with pink icing

Most likely to say: ‘Fancy me holding the Antichrist! Counting his little toesy-woesies!’

Getting into heaven? Absolutely not

Demon Crowley and angel Aziraphale may have been Good Omens’ major players, but Sister Mary Loquacious kicked off the whole mess by accidentally confusing the infant Adversary, Destroyer of Kings, Angel of the Bottomless Pit, Prince of this World and Lord of Darkness with the human child of a couple from the Oxfordshire village of Tadfield. Easily done.

Sister Agatha in Dracula (2020)

Played by: Dolly Wells

Allegiance: The Army of the Faithful, St Mary’s Convent of Budapest

Warrior level: Intellectually? Top Tier. She’s Dracula’s ‘every nightmare at once: an educated woman in a crucifix’

Weapon of choice: Wooden stakes and double-barrel wit

Specialism: Scientific rigour and one-liners

Most likely to say: ‘A house of God is it? Well that’s good, we could do with a man about the place, eh sister?’

Getting into heaven? Ja, if she cared to grace it with her presence.

Unfazed, brave, funny and intellectually curious, Dutch-born Agatha put both her faith and folklore to the test when she took on Count Dracula, meticulously gathering research on his powers and learning the rules of the beast to try to use them against him. A true scientist and quite a woman.

Sister Michael in Derry Girls (2018)

Played by: Siobhan McSweeney

Allegiance: Our Lady Immaculate College/Rawhide

Warrior level: Untested in battle but doubtless lethal

Weapon of choice: Apathy, withering sarcasm and eye-rolls

Specialism: Judo (on Fridays)

Most likely to say: ‘Sweet suffering Jehovah’

Getting into heaven? I wouldn’t be the one to stop her.

You won’t find an ounce of sentiment beneath this wimple, Sister Michael’s dry disdain for the pupils at Our Lady Immaculate is expressed only through cutting remarks and declarations of boredom. Not a fan of priests, the French, love songs or… most things, she’s an authority figure for the Derry Girls. Every so often though, like when she turned a blind eye to Erin and co. distributing their banned lesbianism-focused edition of the school magazine, she’ll surprise you.

Sister Jane Ingalls in Orange is the New Black (2013)

Played by: Beth Fowler

Allegiance: Catholicism

Warrior level: Basically nil as she’s a committed pacifist, though she does punch Gloria in the mouth at one point for PR

Weapon of choice: Civil disobedience and the Good Book

Specialism: Activism

Most likely to say: ‘I was afraid nunning was going to be boring!’

Getting into heaven? Sure

As a young novice in the 1960s, Ingalls fell in with the bad nuns and got a taste for non-violent activism. A bunch of protests and a memoir later (full points for the title: Nun Shall Pass), and the church didn’t want anything to do with her, neglecting to cover her legal fees after she handcuffed herself to a nuclear facility, landing her in Litchfield.

Sister Harriet in Hunters (2019)

Played by: Kate Mulvany

Allegiance: Anti-Nazi, Pro-Quip

Warrior level: Top level. A highly capable operative.

Weapon of choice: Gun, blowtorch, you name it

Specialism: Threats of extreme violence delivered in the voice of a Downton Abbey marchioness.

Most likely to say: ‘I will set you aflame, child’

Getting into heaven? There’s some intrigue as to her real deal but she certainly seems to be on the right side of history.

This MI6 agent/Nazi-hunting nun from Amazon Prime’s Hunters is something of a Scary Poppins. She does an excellent line in death threats and action-movie quips. She’s deadly, has a shady backstory, speaks in a cut-glass English accent and is fond of biscuits. In other words: our kind of nun.

Matron Casp in Doctor Who ‘New Earth’ (2006)

Played by: Doña Croll

Allegiance: Sisters of Plenitude

Warrior level: Merciless eugenicist

Weapon of choice: Cat claws and science

Specialism: Incinerating conscious and begging-for-help human cloning experiments without a spark of fellow-feeling.

Most likely to say: ‘Who needs arms when we have claws’

Getting into heaven? Nah. Space prison more like.

The Sisters of Plenitude, healers on New Earth, may have called their work ‘the tender application of science’ but ‘the incredibly painful application of bastard cruelty’ better sums up their human cloning farm. This order takes a lifelong vow to help and mend, but clearly not to do no harm. And their hospital doesn’t even have a shop.

Abbess Hild in The Last Kingdom (2015-)

Played by: Eva Birthistle

Allegiance: Uhtred of Bebbanburg/the Lord

Warrior level: Advanced (but retired)

Weapon of choice: Dagger

Specialism: Throwing buckets of cold water on a sleeping Uhtred and sawing through the necks of dead Danes

Most likely to say: ‘I have killed, and I will kill again I’m sure, but hopefully not today’

Getting into heaven? Big yes.

Hild’s journey in The Last Kingdom took her from nun to warrior and back again. Rescued from attack by Uhtred, Leofric and Yseult, she swore to become a fighter and more-than earned the title. Eventually, her vocation called her back to the church, where she now remains as the Abbess with whom you don’t mess.

Sister Jude in American Horror Story: Asylum

Played by: Jessica Lange

Allegiance: Catholicism and the teachings of Monseigneur Timothy Howard

Warrior level: Complicated

Weapon of choice: Forced commitment to an insane asylum,

Specialism: Guilt

Most likely to say: ‘All monsters are human’

Getting into heaven? Bad things happened under her watch but she does try to atone

The head of Briarcliff, an institution for the criminally insane, Sister Jude is a complex character with a complicated trajectory. She mistreats, but is also also gravely mistreated.

Sister Monica Joan in Call the Midwife (2012-)

Played by: Judy Parfitt

Allegiance: Raymond Nonnatus, patron saint of childbirth

Warrior level: Yoda

Weapon of choice: Forceps and fey literary quotation

Specialism: Sniffing out and emptying hidden cake tins

Most likely to say: ‘My first responsibility is to ensure the consumption of this cake’

Getting into heaven? Hundo P

AKA the best Call The Midwife nun, and an OG resident of Nonnatus House ever since the BBC One series began. Owing to her advanced years and developing dementia, Sister Monica Joan is now retired from midwifery, but in her prime there wasn’t a birth canal in Poplar that hadn’t welcomed her up to the elbow. She’s highly educated and extremely well-read with an instinctive love of beauty, poetry, cake and Doctor Who, which makes her the patron saint of all our hearts.

Sister Sybil in Camelot (2011)

Played by: Sinéad Cusack

Allegiance: Shady but ultimately loyal to Morgan

Warrior level: Witch

Weapon of choice: Dark magicks

Specialism: Child sacrifice?

Getting into heaven? Nah.

When Uther Pendragon banished his daughter Morgan in Chris Chibnall’s 2011 Camelot, she was raised in a nunnery by a sister who was no stranger to the dark arts. When Morgan (played by Eva Green) returned to claim her birthright, Sister Sybil was the one whispering poison in her ear and teaching her how to channel her powers.

Sister Bertrille in The Flying Nun (1967)

Played by: Sally Field

Allegiance: El Convento San Tanco in San Juan

Warrior level: Negligible

Weapon of choice: Not so much a weapon, but her flight-enabling cornette was the big thing.

Specialism: As the title suggests, flight

Most likely to say: ‘When lift plus thrust is greater than load plus drag, anything can fly.’

Getting into heaven? Si señor.

A creation of Tere Ríos’ book The Fifteenth Pelican, Sister Bertrille was the fresh-faced nun-next-door whose cornette combined with the Puerto Rico coastal winds allowed her to fly in the 1960s TV series. According to Sally Field’s excellent memoir In Pieces, the whole experience was more drag than take-off.

Miss Clavel in Madeline (1988-2001)

Voiced by: Judith Orban & various

Allegiance: An old house in Paris/the Catholic church

Warrior level: more sentry than prize fighter

Weapon of choice: Education! (Read: day trips to the circus)

Specialism: Waking up in the middle of the night with a nagging sense that something’s off kilter with her young schoolgirl charges, then singing a song about it.

Most likely to say: ‘Vite, vite mes petits’

Getting into heaven? Mais oui

The headteacher at Madeline’s Parisian boarding school in the Ludwig Bemelmans’ books and their various TV and film adaptations, Miss Clavel is a kindly sort. She gives her young boarding school pupils warm moral instruction and generally manages to extract Madeline from the mouth of whatever tiger she’s crawled inside that week. Not ferocious, as warriors go, but kind and dependable.

Septa Unella in Game of Thrones (2015)

Played by: Hannah Waddingham

Allegiance: The Faith of the Seven

Warrior level: High Bastard

Weapon of choice: Wooden spoon and ignominy

Specialism: Torture and bell-ringing.  

Most likely to say: ‘Confess!’  

Getting into heaven? Not in one piece she won’t after what Cersei did to her

The Geneva Convention didn’t reach the Seven Kingdoms. If it had, then the supposedly holy Septa Unella wouldn’t have beaten Cersei Lannister with a water ladle and made her drink from the floor like a dog before parading her naked to jeering crowds around the city. Not a nun to mess with, unless you’re a Lannister.

Also-Nuns

Sister Assumpta in Father Ted (1995)

Sister Boniface in Father Brown (2013)

(Briefly) Olive in Pushing Daisies (2007)

Mother Superior in Avatar: The Last Airbender (2005)

Kassia the Byzantine nun in Vikings (2019)

Warrior Nun is available to stream now on Netflix.

The post Warrior Nuns Through TV History appeared first on Den of Geek.

from Den of Geek https://ift.tt/2YVNZkS

[ramajmedia]

Buffy The Vampire Slayer: 10 Hidden Details About The Main Characters Everyone Missed

Buffy the Vampire Slayer may have gone off the air over 15 years ago, but the show maintains a devoted fan following. And those fans have spent years poring over every nuance of the show. At this point fans know the characters inside and out, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t a few things they missed.

RELATED: RANKED: EVERY VERSION OF VAMPIRES ON TV/MOVIES

Here, we’re covering details about the main characters from Buffy that fans might not have picked up on. From foreshadowing future character developments, to referencing the past, to hinting at secret relationships, Buffy is full of subtle elements that are easy to overlook. Here are 10 of them.

10 WILLOW AND HER DOPPELGÄNGER HAVE A LOT IN COMMON

Willow’s vampire doppelgänger made her debut in Season 3, but it wasn’t until a few episodes later that the human Willow met her blood-sucking counterpart. Willow didn’t believe the pair had anything in common at the time, observing of her doppelgänger, “I'm so evil… and I think I’m kind of gay.”

It turns out that by the end of Buffy’s sixth season Willow would be both of those things. In Season 4 after breaking up with Oz, Willow finds herself attracted to Tara and realizes she’s a lesbian. Then, in Season 6, after Tara’s unexpected demise, Willow, who had been teetering on the edge all season, went completely dark. She became evil in ways her vampy doppelgänger probably never could have imagined. Willow even used her vampire look-alike’s signature catch phrase “Bored now,”before magically massacring the man who killed Tara. So much for nothing in common.

9 DAWN’S DEBUT IS FORESHADOWED

Fans were left scratching their heads when Buffy’s sister Dawn was introduced in Season 5, especially since the characters acted as if she had always been around. But it turns out Dawn’s arrival was foreshadowed more than once.

RELATED: BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER: 10 BIGGEST TWISTS, RANKED

In the two-part Season 3 finale, Faith tells Buffy she’s “all dressed up in big sister’s clothes.” Later, when Faith and Buffy share a dream, Faith talks about Little Miss Muffet,  a reference to Dawn. In another dream in Season 4, Faith and Buffy discuss how much Buffy has to do with “little sis coming.” Then, in the Season 4 finale, Tara instructs Buffy to “be back before dawn.” Finally, as the episode ends, Buffy peers into the empty room that would become Dawn’s in the very next episode.

8 BUFFY’S SARCASTIC PREDICTION

In one of the show’s most heartbreaking story arcs, Buffy lost her mother Joyce in Season 5 after a battle with a brain tumor. Just as Joyce seemed to be on the mend, she suffered a brain aneurysm and perished unexpectedly. What fans may not have noticed is that Buffy predicted her mother’s passing in an offhand comment the season before.

In the fourth season premiere while buying textbooks, Buffy makes a joke about their outlandish price tag by commenting, “I can’t wait ‘til my mom gets the bill for these books. I hope it’s a funny aneurysm.” Ouch. Buffy creator and executive producer Joss Whedon had planned Joyce’s demise well in advance and incorporated that throwaway line to foreshadow things to come.

7 TARA KNOWS WHAT GILES WILL DO

When big bad Glory was searching for her magical key in the fifth season, she came to the conclusion that it had to be Tara because she was the newest member of the Scooby Gang. However, when she realized Tara was just a plain old human, Glory brain-sucks her, turning Tara into one of her minions.

RELATED: 5 THINGS BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER DOES BETTER THAN THE VAMPIRE DIARIES (& VICE VERSA)

While Tara loses her faculties in most ways, she somehow becomes plugged into Glory’s wavelength, easily leading the gang to Glory’s tower in Season 5' finale “The Gift.” Yet, her abilities seem to go beyond that. As the group is exiting The Magic Box, Tara has a moment of clarity as she walks past Giles. She turns to him and accuses him of being a murderer. The gang is surprised and confused. But the accusation turns out to be prophetic. Before the fight with Glory is over, Giles takes out Ben, Glory’s host body.

6 XANDER WORKED AS AN EXOTIC DANCER

During the summer after high school, Xander took off on a road trip to see the United States. He was gone all summer and never contacted the rest of the gang, so they assumed he was traveling the whole time. However, in Season 4's premiere, Buffy learned the truth: Xander never made it past the southern California city of Oxnard because that's where the engine fell out of his car.

In order to pay for the repairs, Xander spent a month and a half working at the Ladies Night club washing dishes. That is until one night when one of the male strippers called in sick…While Xander refused to say more, the implication was clear: the (strip) show had to go on, so Xander filled in.

5 WILLOW MUSICALLY REFERENCES SEASON 1

Fans agree that the iconic Season 6 episode “Once More, With Feeling” was one of the high points of the series. Willow didn’t get a ton of singing time during the episode but she had a noteworthy line in the early number “I’ve Got a Theory." In the song, all the characters propose ideas about who could be responsible for the musical plague they're experiencing. Willow’s theory was “Some kid is dreaming, and we’re all trapped inside his wacky Broadway nightmare.”

RELATED: BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER: 10 SCARIEST MONSTERS, RANKED

Willow didn't pull her theory out of thin air; that exact scenario happened to her before in the Season 1 episode “Nightmares,” in which a child turns people’s worst nightmares into reality. Willow’s nightmare: that she had to sing onstage.

4 BUFFY’S FATHER REMAINS A PART OF HER LIFE

Buffy’s father Hank is barely seen in the series. After her parents’ divorce, Hank had minimal contact with his daughter. If anything, most fans thought of Giles as Buffy's father figure. Yet Hank wasn't completely gone from Buffy’s life.

In the show’s first three seasons, Buffy saw her father several times. He periodically came to Sunnydale to see her on weekends and she visited him in Los Angeles over the summer. Then in Season 6, after Buffy’s mother passed away, Buffy unsuccessfully tried to reach her father. It seemed like maybe Hank was gone for good. Yet in the comic book continuation of the series, Hank makes an appearance to visit with both Buffy and Dawn.

3 SPIKE KNEW HALFREK WHEN…

The episode “Fool for Love” details Spike’s backstory, including his pre-vampire days when he was simply a bad poet named William who was in love with a woman named Cecily, who cruelly rejected him. However, the episode wasn’t the last we saw of Cecily — or at least the actress who played her.

RELATED: BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER: 10 STORYLINES THAT HAVE AGED POORLY

Kali Rocha returned to in Season 6 to portray Anya’s vengeance demon bestie Halfrek. And when Halfrek and Spike happened to run across one another in the episode, there's a telling moment where they recognize each other. Halfrek even refers to Spike as “William." Many fans took the moment as confirmation that Halfrek and Cecily were the same person — a theory that was later confirmed by Whedon.

2 BUFFY EXPIRES AT THE SAME TIME AS HER CREDIT CARD

It's no secret that Buffy enjoyed some retail therapy every now and then. But one subtle detail has her expiring at the same time as her mother's credit card. When Faith swapped bodies with Buffy in Season 4, Faith used Joyce's credit card to book a flight out of Sunnydale.

On the phone, the expiration date she gave for the card was 5-0-1. In other words, May 2001, a date that happened to coincide with Buffy’s Season 5 finale a year and a half later when Buffy sacrificed herself to save Dawn.

1 SPIKE AND ANGEL SHARE A NAME

Fans know that Spike and Angel went by different names when they were human. Spike’s given name was William, a popular moniker in England where Spike was born. Meanwhile, Angel’s given name was Liam, the Irish form of William.

The names share the same origin and meaning, with Liam arising out of the name William. That means for all intents and purposes, Spike and Angel’s given names are the same.

NEXT: BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER: 10 MOST BADASS FEMALE CHARACTERS, RANKED

source https://screenrant.com/1797135-2/

[miragablog]

Top 10 Mahou Shoujo Shows for Babies (Part 2)

Now let's move onto Majokko, or Witch Girl...

Mahoutsukai PreCure

Junior High student Mirai Asahina is your typical tween. Between spring break, She goes out and spots a mysterious object fall into the park close by. Inspecting the area Mirai bumps into a novice witch by the name of Riko.

Scouring the human world for a magical gem known as a Linkle Stone the duo are thrown into unwarranted conflict with the minions of a dark sorcerer.

 Ah Pretty Cure, the untamable cthulian beast that haunts my every nightmare.

Being WAY behind in the franchise myself, I can't honestly speak on how great this season is comparatively to others.

What I can say however is that, as far as Majokko Mahou Shoujo goes Mahoutsukai Precure is a fun entry into a rarely explored subgenre.

Watching Mirai and Riko’s friendship blossom and Mofurun just be- Mofurun is a pleasure enough but combined with cute, bright visuals and varied transformations I fell head over heels for Mahoutsukai.

Like everybody and their mother has said, Pretty Cure has some solid Sakuga and Mahoutsukai isn't missing out on any of it.

Say what you will about the toy hole Bandai has created for the franchise or its scattered quality since Futari Wa Pretty cure. I’ve really enjoyed what i’ve seen so far.

If you’re into some sweet witchy goodness and looking for an accessible entry point into the Pretty Cure franchise, Mahoutsukai may just be the broom ride you need.

Kobato

 Kobato Hanato is a naive, young women with a wish to travel to a certain place.

Through helping others, Kobato must fill a magic jar with “konpeito” to see her goal come to fruition.

With the help of a talking stuffed dog named Ioryogi, Kobato can grant her wish, so long as she doesn't fall in love with somebody she heals, of course.

 I have to be really upfront here, this is the first title i’m revisiting out of the list. A show has not made me cry so early on since Skip Beat, and that's saying something.

 Kobato’s visuals are breathtaking, adapting Clamp’s wonderful character designs with a detailed level of care.

It's ridiculously rare to see a show so faithful to the source materials intent like this nowadays.

The soundtrack is this dangerous mixture of heart wrenching and nostalgic that just ruins your tear ducts.

One of the main perpetrators for this being Kobato’s character song, Ashita Kuru Hi or “The day that will come tomorrow”. Going right by Aozora and Tuxedo Mirage on the “cry like a little bitch” playlist I have tucked away.

 Genre-wise Kobato harkens back to the themes of early mahou shoujo, where magical girls were just young women with otherworldly powers.

There are no transformations, no magical weapons- just a weird girl and her surly companion, solving the mundane problems of broken people.

 Forewarning that the show is slow paced and if you wanting something with a little less emotional weight to it, this may not be a great fit.

However, If you’re looking to jump into a pool of your own tears while enjoying some fantastic old school Mahou shoujo, Kobato is the girl for you.

Ojamajo Doremi

 Doremi Harukaze is the “World’s Unluckiest Pretty Girl”. That’s at least what she believes. Fascinated with magic, she stumbles upon a mysterious shop run by a creepy lady, Majo Rika. Doremi being the smart cookie she is deduces that Rika is a witch that, due to a curse must keep her identity a secret. Promising secrecy, Doremi is in turn taken under the witch's wing as an apprentice and hijinx ensues.

When finding Ojamajo Doremi, I got the reminiscent feeling that I could've watched it on something like 4kidz, with a bowl of Cocoa Pebbles and my kitty in my lap before school.

Like a mixture between Tokyo Mew Mew and Digimon, I love the shows infectious energetic vibe.

While most works in the genre do deal with the maturation process of young girls, Ojamajo feels quite believable with how it presents its cast. Doremi acts like a curious third grader and the adults around her and her classmate all feel around their own age.

The strange part that makes Ojamajo Doremi is its unorthodox transformations, with the girls literally putting the witches clothes on and the power of their weapons being limited. I LOVE this aspect of the show as it lends to grounding the setting even further into a fantastical reality.

If you’re into cute kinetic comedy and watching some wacky little kids become witches then I highly recommend watching this adorable slice of Majokko.

Magical Angel Creamy Mami

 A up and coming Pop star in a milky galaxy, Yuu Morisawa is a sassy, fun loving girl with a pension for mischief; shirking responsibility to go play in the neighborhood.

However her cat like curiosity lead her to encounter extraterrestrial beings from beyond the cosmos, whom bestow upon her the power to transform into a teenager for a year.

With the help of her companions, Nega and Posi, Yuu can't just save the day but has to balance a life as an idol and actress!

 If you want something really different from typical Mahou Shoujo, I highly recommend Creamy Mami. Not only does it play with some light sci fi themes but presents beautiful pastel art and a energetic cast, brimming with strange characters.

It is still very much of its time, airing in the early 80’s but that doesn't hinder its beautiful charm.

 Aliens are rarely seen in a genre like Mahou Shoujo and having them utilized in such a quirky manner makes Creamy Mami stand out. Other than watching Madoka for the first time, This was the most recent instance of me feeling uneasy while watching a show in the genre.

 One thing that has Creamy Mami in my graces is its bubbly retropop aesthetic, invoked by a soundtrack chucked full of songs that can only make me want to go to a karaoke bar in Akihabara and dance the night away.

 Whether or not you're into the retro aesthetic, Creamy Mamis a cool, poppy experience for anyone with a sweet tooth for fun.

Show By Rock!

 Cyan has always regarded herself as a ordinary girl, despite her musical telent. Without the confidence to join a band, all her dreams seem for not. That is until shes transported to world of Midi City where everyday is a concert and everyone wants to be a pop star. Scouted by a ragtag recording company, Cyan is thrusted into the world of music and must fight evil with the power of song!

As one of Sanrio’s recent properties, Show by Rock surprised me and many others with its nutty, Jodie and the Pussycats take on Mahou Idol.

Music being a driving force in establishing critical moments for any show, it’s important for the image songs to stick out in show of this kind. And Boy oh boy do I love every sugary, Jpoppy moment of Plasmagica’s discography.

The property being based off a rhythm game lends its soundtrack to a diverse blend of Electronica, Pop, Visual Kei, Indie and Folk rock- I could keep going for FUCKING DAYS DUDE.

And I know what you're wondering, “But Mirage the show looks like it's mostly CG? Isn't that bad?”

CG is a tool that can enhance and lift up a adaptation, or bastardize the intent of a work and piss off its fanbase.

Yet Show by Rock sits at the lucky impasse of not being based on a prior written property but a video game, diverting any kind of expectations people have of the work.

That is not to say the CG is horrible however.

In fact I think Show By Rock presents one of the best exercises in overt 3d modelling currently standing, in an industry full of PS2 models and- (Abunai Sisters) What. What the fuck is that?

Then again im talking about BONES and when BONES picks up a property, it's bound to turn some heads.

( Also uh if you don't get down with this sweet lesbian subtext well uh im sorry man we cant mix. I mean there’s bad taste and then there's hedonism. )

JPOP, Fujoshi bait or hell even Hello Kitty- Show by Rock catches you off guard with its unorthodox presentation but eventually reels the audience in with the power of music.

Definitely worthy of your time and maybe a APK download. -\owo/-

------------------

And so I get to the bottom of my beginner recommendations. Next video is already in the works, gunning to be either a more Shoujo oriented analytical piece or a Mahou Shoujo history lesson ^o^. Thank you all for your patience on this. Life got in the way, as it does but with some new soundproofing and a recent switch to premier (after this vod) i'm looking to make the next video a tad more focused on one subject.

[365daysoflesbians]

JANUARY 9: Joan Baez (1941-)

Joan Baez performing in Hamburg, 1973. By Heinrich Klaffs, originally via Flicker. [black-and-white photograph, portrait of Joan Baez playing the guitar and singing in front of a mic.]

Joan Baez is the folk singer legend who enchanted our ears in the 60s and 70s, the activist whose voice Martin Luther King described as that of an angel – a voice that helped her fight against racism, wars, homophobia… And today we celebrate Joanie turning 76! Last year she regaled us with a star-studded concert for her 75th birthday, featuring Paul Simon, Mavis Staples, David Crosby, Emmylou Harris, Judy Collins, Indigo Girls (just to cite a few).

Nowadays, people point out that her high notes aren’t quite up there, that her voice is sometimes grainy, but you could see, and hear, that she stil has it! She was having fun, and took great pleasure as always in sharing her love of singing with her peers and her public.

Performing Diamonds and Rust with friend Judy Collins, on her 2016 birthday concert

I, for one, do enjoy her early songs, but completely fell in love with her latest recordings, with her deeply moving, slightly rough voice, deeper and full of experience. If you haven’t listened to her lately, I urge you to do so.

You can see her perform live at Sing Sing Prison “I Shall Be Released” and “Viva Mi Patria Bolivia” with her sister Mimi Farina in 1972. You can also listen to her covers of “Brothers In Arms“ by Dire Straits (1988) and “Motherland” by Natalie Merchant (2003)

Joan Baez was born on the 9th of January 1941 in New York, from a Mexican father and a mother born in Edinburgh, Scotland and raised in the US. She spent some of her childhood in Redlands, California, where she was marginalised at school both by ‘Anglos’ children for her name and darker skin, and by Mexicans children for the fact that she couldn’t speak Spanish at the time. The experience left her with an aspiration for social justice, and the desire to shine in her very own way - she would become a talented artist, and started working on that beautiful voice with its distinctive vibrato.

She started to perform rather young, but her breakthrough came with the Newport Folk Festival in 1959 and the recording of her first album for Vanguard in 1960 - the first of many. Although she is a songwriter, she is mostly known for her covers of traditional folk songs, and for appearing barefoot on stage like a Madonna with her Gibson acoustic guitar.

She was an important part of the American roots revival. She introduced Bob Dylan to the public by singing his songs and giving him a stage to perform, and sang at Woodstock in 1969, barefoot and pregnant.

Still considered the Queen of Folk, her music has nonetheless evolved and now also covers folk rock, pop, country and gospel music.

Joan Baez speaks onstage at the 49th Annual Grammy Awards at the Staples Center on February 11, 2007 in Los Angeles, California. (Source: Kevin Winter/Getty Images Entertainment)

But make no mistake. Joan Baez isn’t just pretty voice and words. The barefoot Madonna is also one of the first musicians who used her fame for social protest, giving her the coverage she needed to draw attention to the many causes she defended.

She participated in many Civil Rights Movement demonstrations, including the 1963 March on Washington for Jobs and Freedom where she famously sang “We Shall Overcome”.

She has also always been anti war. Her position against the Vietnam War led her to fund the Institute for the Study of Nonviolence, and be arrested twice in 1967. She even spent eleven days in jail, “for disturbing the peace”! In December 1972, she joined a peace delegation and travelled to North Vietnam, where she was caught in the ‘Christmas bombing’ of Hanoi, which lasted 11 days.

She also defends human rights alongside Amnesty International, which she has actively (and financially) supported since the 1970s. She even received the Ambassador of Conscience Award in 2015, and the organisation named an award after her!

Let’s not forget that she is a defender of LGBT rights. She opposed the Briggs initiative in 1978 (which was supposed to ban all gay teachers from schools in California), performed at a benefit concert for the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force, and at the San Francisco Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Pride March.

Her activism often translates by going on tour or appearing in protests to sing – against the death penalty, poverty, or for environmental causes. And although her voice is less heard by the new generation, she is still a great support.

Joan Baez in her tree house, in the backyard of her home in Woodside, California. By Patrick Fraser, for the Observer, August 19, 2014.

What is often little known about her, is that she once had a lesbian relationship. In the spirit of this blog’s topic of choice, let’s explore this part of her past.

Joan Baez and Kimmie didn’t hide their relationship, but didn’t flaunt it either, leaving people to assume they were two friends rooming together. Joan Baez remembers this relationship in her autobiography And A Voice To Sing With and explains:

“There are pools which run deep, bathing pools for ladies only. In those cool and private places we can go undefended. In the quiet and non-resistant waters and on the warm shores beside them we can go and let out a lifelong sigh of relief and know that we are understood at last. We have white underbellies of softness which we expose only to the gentlest touch. Along the shores is an unspoken alliance of “us against the world” which purges resentments innate in us, resentments we have inherited form centuries of myth.”

She is well-known for having had a romance with Bob Dylan, with Steve Jobs, and being married to political activist David Harris, with whom she had her only child Gabriel. But she writes: “I had an affair with a girl when I was twenty-two... I assume the homosexuality within me, which people love to say is within all of us, made itself felt at that time… since the affair with Kimmie I have not had another affair with a woman nor the conscious desire to.”

Perhaps one day, the portrait of Kimmie will also appear along those of Dylan, Jobs, and MLK in Baez’s art studio, where she now started to paint. What a beautiful, multi-talented, and inspiring lady. Happy Birthday!

From Joan Baez’s Instagram feed

- Lise

[runawaymarbles]

Ineffable Wives Rec List

(part one, since it’s getting late. Stay tuned.) (Full Good Omens rec list) 

my black eye casts no shadow by gyzym | M | 1.5k

If you cut humanity to the quick, split it open, found its soul, it would have dark red hair and bright wild eyes.

i just happen to like apples (i am not afraid of snakes) by gyzym | T | 1.8k

Written for the following prompt: "Someone write me Crowley the bitter lesbian who only gave Eve the apple because she thought feminism should be there from day one."

help me to say by couldaughter | T | 2.6k 

“Doesn’t the presence of this many nuns just sort of… inherently consecrate somewhere? I’m rather fond of the soles of these feet, angel, and I don’t fancy melting them off just yet.” Crowley slid onto the floor anyway, stretching onto tiptoes, surveying her surroundings. There wasn’t much to them, honestly. A wall hanging would be against the point. The tendons in her neck stood out as she twisted. Aziraphale swallowed. “Invest in some sandals,” she replied sharply, turning towards the opposite wall.

we follow our own steps (while our shadows keep watching us) by Mx_Carter | T | 4.3k 

“For fuck’s sake, Crowley,” Anathema said finally, “is this actually about Zira?” It's nearly Christmas. The perfect time for a rage-induced bender.

parable of shepherds by Lvslie | T | 4.7k 

‘Aziraphale, you need to stop telling that goddamned story to everyone we stumble upon,’ she hisses. ‘I’m serious. You keep it up much longer, everyone’s gonna think we’ve gone and murdered that alleged husband of mine.’ ‘Crowley,’ Aziraphale says blithely, a serene smile plastered to her face as a familiar-looking man passes by, ‘Dear. That’s what I want them to think.’

your apple-eating heathen by katarzi | G | 5.7k 

History is written without them, and Crowley’s no lady.

 A Nice and Accurate Lesbian Herstory Archive by badwig | T | 6.6k

More or less just the opening montage from 'Hard Times' but they're lesbians - a series of vignettes from the Garden to now.

Il Tempo Sempre Volgera by pasiphile | 6.6k | NC-17

Crowley and Aziraphale come across each other in 18th century Venice.

Soft (A Love Story in Three Bites) by mia_ugly | 18.3k | NC-17

Crowley was an angel, once. Before she fell. Aziraphale was a warrior (she fell too. It just took a little longer.)

[hornetdiaries]

MRSA and Mary Kay

Thursday's are not good for me.  It's not only because I have six hours of labs, two hours of pathophysiology, and not a single spare moment between nine to five the whole day.  It's because Thursday's are just a little bit weird.  One Thursday in particular started out with more promise than any before it.  I was going to my clinical nursing location for the first time, and I was taking a quiz in my other lab that a lot of people had failed, and then to top it all off I was actually going on a bonafide date with a legitimate human female.  

Since my dating experience in college had reached a grand height of once being stood up and having to fake being a part of a polyamorous lesbian relationship to some guys drunk mother, I didn’t have a very hard standard to beat.  I was going to out-romance all my friends because this would not be a regretful drunk makeout, nor would it be a random hookup with someone I’ve known for less than an hour, and this wouldn't even be with a guy that turned out to be extremely gay. I was going to do  this right and proper and get coffee while the sun was still up.  Absolutely nothing could have made me happier.

    My day started out with shimmying into my khaki scrubs, dawn my red polo, and lace up my clunky white shoes, and look like the most capable Target employee while I ate overcooked eggs with a viciously confident attitude.  I was actually so distracted by how capable I felt that I ended up leaving ten minutes late and being the last one to arrive.

    The six other nursing students and I followed around our professor like ducklings in this scary new pond.  As soon as a patient began to approach our line and our professor made first contact, we were all wide smiles, caring eyes, and the most compassionate “good mornings” anyone has ever been gifted in their life.  Over and over we rinsed and repeated until it was a perfect angelic chorus of “Hello, good morning, thank you, giggle” bringing joy to all and internally shaking from fear that any one of them would look us dead in the eye and tell us to recite Krebs cycle.

    Every patient I saw was a small burst of excitement in that I could get to discover some new ailment, and then a flash of fear as I realized that if I breathed the wrong way I would kill them.  But everyone was nice, and the nurses actually looked happy to be working there which was a rare sight to see.  Even more strange was that people were happy to see us.  Nursing students were supposed to be pummeled emotionally and physically, getting the crap end of the stick more literally than not.  But these nurses were respectful and courteous and even excited for us.  Our professor later told us that it was because of how well the college maintained its nursing program reputation, and within the orientation brochure for us were several employment pitches.  It was actually the most motivational thing I had ever heard.  I came to the school knowing that the program was well respected in the field, but being surrounded by only nursing students who were dropping like flies left and right, always complaining and wanting to get out so bad, I had forgotten that this was actually an amazing thing to be a part of.

    And then of course we got smacked in the face with MRSA.  The big bad nosocomial monster lurking under the bed of every immunocompromised patient.  Contact precautions dictated gloves and a gown, so we all stood in silence, conscious of every small tear in our skin that the disease could leak into.  Gloves had never been so hard to put on, and I could have sworn the strings of my gown had turned into wet spaghetti they were so hard to tie.  I nearly started yelling at my gloves when they refused to keep my cuffs tucked in, as though I could already feel the microbes crawling up my arms and settling into my skin.

    As soon as we walked into the room however, all my fears went out into the closed ventilation system of the room.  Because there in front of me was the smallest old lady made of bones with skin hanging off of them, and two giant swollen legs with bandages wrapped around and soaked with fluid.  I fell in love immediately and took up my spot right at the foot of her bed, getting in as close as possible as the nurse sheared off the layers of gauze and wrappings.

    The lady had dementia and so she didn’t pay much attention to the six girls decked out in urine yellow gowns crowding around her bedside, mindfully aware to keep out of the sterile field as best as possible.  If anyone so much as reached over the spread out gauze and packages, the whole field would have to be thrown away and the process of setting up and gowning up would have to be restarted.

    Layer upon layer, the purulent drainage shed away, revealing a hulking mass of swollen leg.  The skin was thin and breaking apart like paper ripped while wet, the color was the most sickly that yellow can turn.  Her leg was three times what it should have been and when pressed upon it failed to spring back up and instead took time to inflate with fluid.  Stage four pitting edema, yellow discoloration, epidermal breakdown, and severe discomfort all ran out like bullet points on a test, except now they had a face and a name and a smell.

    “Would you like one of our students to help hold her leg up?” My teacher asked in the sweetest voice.  My heart jumped up to say hi to my throat as the performing nurse considered it, “uh, sure” all I heard was a victory bell as I moved forwards wordlessly, not waiting to let someone else volunteer and take my spot.  I was going to hold that leg even if I had to take the Med School approach and throw my classmates under the MRSA filled bus to do it.

    “Good, just like that” he said, as I elevated it to a safe level.  I looked to see my professor giving me two thumbs up and was brimming with satisfaction.  My professor was also my advisor and held a special place in my heart after she pretended to be my mom for parents weekend was still signing emails with ‘mama Sinoski’ as her title.  It had been my duty ever since to be her absolute favorite, and in that moment I was absolutely sure that I was.

    Then my patient started wailing.  There's nothing to break a good high like the sound of an elderly woman on the brink of tears and only in touch with reality enough to know that you're causing her pain.  My eyes were wide with fright as I struggled to keep her leg elevated while she jerked it back.  Caught between MRSA and a pressure ulcer on the ankle, I only had a solid two inches or so where I could keep my hands, and any slip up or readjustment could result in skin breakdown or contamination.  But I held on, leaning at far too unsafe angles in order to keep the procedure afloat while the nurse strapped on the ABD pads as fast as he could.

    Finally, he wrapped the cling around and I was able to set it down while he tagged it.  My professor chose a girl at random to take my place for the second leg and so I was able to step back and gather myself.  I had done it, my first assistance on a nursing procedure was complete and no one had died or sued me.  

    By the time we rolled around to getting back to school it was a whirlwind of changing clothes, scarfing down food, nearly throwing up from eating too fast, and reading an entire chapter on the joys of the digestive and renal systems.  Pathophysiology was a short and sweet lecture on pain and the gut wrenching agony that the body can inflict on itself, and then in my lab directly after we learned how to palpate the liver and spleen.  I got a perfect score on the quiz all my friends failed so I got the impression it was a good sign for the afternoon.

    Finally, after having my liver massaged and my mettle tested, I rushed back to my room and stole the gayest clothes my roommate owned, then dashed out the door.  I was going to do this, I was going to be funny, I was going to be an active listener, I was going to fall in love and live a long life full of hiding from my parents and having someone to come home to that would talk to me about things that don't involve pus and squishy bits.  I refused to be the cool vodka aunt to my sister's cats any longer.

    I arrived at the agreed coffee dispensing location which required a bit of a drive, and as I was about to go in I received a text that she was in fact at her Mary Kay party because I had misread the times and all other manner of boring nonsense.  This should have been my sign to leave.  This should have been the one thing that clued me in that this was all about to go as far downhill as one can roll.

    See, this girl wasn't what I would consider to be my ‘type’, because while my type includes just being of legal age and able to breathe independently, this girl was antartic levels of polar opposite.  Which I thought might be a good thing, something to push me out of my comfort zone, a good dose of opposites attract, always being able to make conversation because of just how different we are!  Of all the lies I’ve told myself that was the dumbest.  Jo was a very beautiful girl attending Liberty university for business who happened to work as a waitress and also a Mary Kay sales predator.  This to me screamed closeted lesbian looking for a way out and knowing how to play the straight game really well.  I didn't think she would actually be into makeup.

    That comes later however, because I decide to go to this party thing where they make you pity buy products because they already put all this crap on you.  It was a simple enough drive until I got close.  I had assumed she would host it at her house or something and it would be a group of girls that all vaguely knew her and would make some kind of gossiping small talk.  

What I arrived at was a strip mall entirely blocked off by construction cones and a moat of loose torn up rocks.  It looked like someone had tried their best to quarantine the little chunk of strip mall off because it was connected to absolutely nothing, the only thing around it were houses, and while there were cars inside there was no way of entering or exiting.

I began to think that maybe I had been completely catfished and that some small army of human trafficking warlords were waiting for me inside, ready to kidnap me and laugh at how I fell for going to a Mary Kay party.  I don't know what made me more angry, the thought of being kidnapped or having people think I wanted to go to this thing.

As I'm contemplating whether I should just cut my losses and go back to school, I get a phone call from Jo.  She has this voice like pumpkin spice coffee and I see her out on the street looking around for me, and yeah, she's really pretty.  Pretty enough for me to make the wrong decision and park my car in an empty church and steel myself for whatever fresh hell this was goign to be.

She's happy to see me, I'm nervous up to my hypothalamus, but I follow her across this torn up sea of what used to be a road into the first door of the strip mall that was completely empty save two cars.  The interior is made of four black tables with white plastic chairs and a wall with posters of different levels of gems with pictures of girls beside them.  For some reason pearl is the highest, but right beneath it is diamond, and whose picture is right below it?  Jo.

Before I can even ask, a tall woman no older than twenty three pushes herself right into my bubble, shaking my hand and putting on the most rehearsed smile and greeting I've ever heard in my life.  She had the body of a Barbie but the confidence and domination in her eyes of Stalin.

“Hi!  I'm -insert short name that takes her four syllables to say and probably had a Q in it-, have you ever been pampered before?” One time I took the best bubble bath of my life and nearly drowned because I fell asleep, it seemed extremely relevant but not quite what she was asking.

“Uh, no”

“Well great!  Jo will take care of you and we'll get you set up!” And with that she swept herself away with the two girls who were equally pretty and just as terrified as I was.  They went to the back room and so it was just me and Jo and the biggest bag of makeup I had ever seen in my life.

It starts out pretty good.  She's nice and immediately warm to me, asking me about my day and blanching when I told her about the MRSA.  I thought that it would end up with her giving me a desperate smile and a few laughs like most people do when I tell them about my work, but she just sort of kept that shocked look on her face and I had to nervously laugh for her.

All the while she's doing the Mary Kay routine, and I almost wanted to tell her that she didn't have to because her boss(?) wasn't here and I wasn't going to buy anything anyways, but I feared not having something in common between us, even if it was just her teaching me how to rub small bits of “anti aging” minerals onto the back of my hand.  Know what really doesn't age?  A lobster.  That's the most fun fact ever and it's my favorite one to tell but she just keeps going on with the beauty products and I keep sitting on my lobster fact because if her MRSA reaction was anything to go by she'd probably think lobsters were gross.  They are not gross, they are immortal and we should respect them for it.

So we finally ended the beauty stuff where I rubbed different pink creams onto the back of my hand and pretended to be impressed with the results.

“Are you wearing any makeup?” And I'm a little self conscious now because I don't put on makeup usually since I can't see that great without my glasses and no one ever taught me how to do it, so it can be in the ballpark of ‘yeah that looks fine’ and ‘Oh yeah I can kinda see where you put uh, that… Line’.

“Yeah, a little bit”

“Here” she hands me a wet cloth, “Wipe it off” that's when I began to get the odd feeling in my chest that this could end up being very different from my delusional idea of how this night would go.  Since she's already put it in my hands, I wipe away everything on my face and see her set out an entirely new roll of different bottles and creams that's as long as the table.

I feel my heart sink through to my feet and know that this would not be easy.  Our conversation was dwindling and now she's only focused on the make up as she runs through words and instructions that go completely over my head.  Exfoliate this, moisture that, day serum, night serum, eye shadow cream, butter balm, I don't even try keeping up with what I was smearing onto my face.  By the end of it, I was sticky and felt like I was covered in sand.  My face was a complete mess as foundation that wasn't enough to cover all of it but enough to give me patches of caking color, my eyes kept gluing shut from the mascara and the eyeshadow that wasn't evenly distributed by a long shot, my lips a jagged mess of color.

I didn't know if I was more mad because I was bored out of my mind, or really uncomfortable with looking that I had just been punched by a wet puppet.  That's when the business boss lady decided to come back out and take one look at me before gasping with wonder and going,

“You look so good!” all I could do was stare up at her with honest confusion.

“What?” She stared back, silent for the first time like I had just swiped my card wrong and the machine couldn't read it, “Oh I mean, thanks” and with that she was operational and sitting down at our table with the sugary cocaine level of energy and enthusiasm.

“So now that you're done, we’re going to play a little game” if I heard the doors suddenly lock I wouldn't have even been surprised, “I'm going to play a song, and you're going to try and think of eleven names and numbers of people who would want Jo to give them a demo makeover before its over, and if you can do that you get a prize!” Selling out my family and friends in order to get material goods, nothing wrong with that.  She gives me this card and starts the music.

I know that this song would end up being like, five minutes long, and at this point I was ready to get this done and see if Jo wanted to get a slice of pie or walk around the church parking lot, so I did what any self respecting person would do and found the eleven people least likely to stop talking to me after they got harassed by Mary Kay.  My mom for starters, then my roommate, an unofficial patient, a dude I slept with freshman year before he moved to California, a guy I know in Canada, and then the last however many people in my phone contact list.

Things began to roll a little bit faster downhill from there.  This chick sits back down and gives me my free little bottle of chemical lotion junk, then decides she's not just going to try and sell me things, she's going to sell me ideas.  She starts preaching about the ideology of the company and how just how great it is, Jo is nodding along the whole way though out of the corner of my eye.

“It's just so great and gives you so much opportunity.  I mean your life should really be in order Jesus, Family, and Mary Kay” had anyone else told this to me I would have thought they were shitty actors, but deep inside her flawless face I knew that she believed every word of this.  This woman was southern ideals wrapped up in the prettiest packaging money could buy.

“Okay, we're going to play another game now” I felt a lump in my throat as I realized there was no way out of this, I would be seventy before they gave me my life back.  “On this piece of paper I want you to write MRS CAB.  Good!  Now right below the M I want you to write money” it was a fucking acronym, acronyms are not game!  She started preaching hard about the ethics of business and how “Mary Kay set up her business so that it would benefit everyone and help empower women!” If being part of a pseudo pyramid scheme is empowering women I don't want to know what her version of oppression looked like.

She finishes up the acronym finally and I look to Jo for support in this trying time.  She's still facing forwards, clearly engaged in this nonsense.  That's when the woman gets the hint that perhaps we aren't complete strangers.

“How did you two meet?  Do you know each other?” This woman chirped out like a canary that just did its second line of coke.

“This is actually our first time meeting” Jo starts, “We met on Tinder” my eyes popped out of my school and as did the lady's, both of us staring in horror at Jo and her brazen announcement.  I began nervously chuckling, hiding my face inside of my hands even though it was extremely obvious and only drew further attention to myself.  “Do you know what Tinder is?” She asked as innocently as a baby duckling.

“Uhhhh” the look on her face said brimstone but her smile refused to dip by even a percent of an angle.

“It's a good way to meet people in your area, some people use it for hookups and stuff but plenty of people use it for making friends.  One of my friends randomly put it on my phone and I've met up with dozens of girls” suddenly in my mind's eye an epiphany exploded, I could see girl after girl getting swept up in her urgency to meet up and invitation to do other activities that don't work out, all to get wrapped up into a Mary Kay party where they discover that nothing was as it seemed.

“Oh, okay” her voice had shrunk a few octaves and annoyance levels but she shook it off and began on again, “Alright Mandy, so for this next part I want you to write on a scale of one to ten how likely it is that you'll end up working as a Mary Kay sales associate” I was still mentally thrown by the realization that this definitely was not a date and everything was suddenly making way more sense than I wanted it to.

“Uh, probably a three I guess” I muttered, wanting to leave so badly it hurt.  Her eyes glared down at me like it was a threat to strangle me in the parking lot,

“Write it down, Mandy” fearfully I put pen to paper, feeling guilty as sin for disappointing this woman I barely knew and wholeheartedly hated.  “Good” she had me do a bit more writing and then gave me one final speech before she shook my sweating hand and started towards the back.

“Wow, I thought she was going to burst when I said I met you on Tinder!” Jo started, looking absolutely amazed.

“Ha, yeah, that was something”

“Like, I don't see what the big deal is, I meet up with people all the time from there”

“This is actually my first time meeting up with anyone from there” except almost Andrew who stood me up, and that grad student that made me crab cakes to sleep with him, and now this.  I started shoving my things into my bag, making the clear physical announcement that this engagement was over.

“Really?  You don't ever use it for dating?” I began shoveling faster, shaking my head with a painfully large smile while laughing in a continuous stream to take up the silence.

“Ah, well, it's… Yeah” she was confused enough by my answer that I had enough time to stand up and kick my chair in.  “Well it's been really fun, thanks for inviting me, I should probably be getting back now”   

“Here, I'll drive you back to your car” I was about to protest but then I figured getting murdered in a church parking lot would totally be something that would happen today so I followed her outside where her big van was parked next to the sparkly off white Mary Kay car.  I've never hated a single car so much for everything it represented.  Rather uneventfully, I bid her goodbye, made up my mind to never talk to her again, got in my car and went back to school.

There’s a Twenty One Pilots song about a car radio being missing and the horrors of being left to your own thoughts while driving, and while I hate that song, it was ironically the only thing on the radio that I could listen to that would distract me from my thoughts.  It's just that after leaving North Carolina two years ago and giving up the only world I had ever known to try my hand at being me, I had nothing but a growing series of regretful pseudo-romantic encounters.  I hid from my parents, broke up with my boyfriend, and left my culture all for the magical daydream that three hours away would be a fantastic life just waiting to be embraced.  I couldn't even blame Jo because she was trying to do her job and meet new friends/victims, I just wanted to believe there was more to it.  I had set myself up to fail from the beginning, too scared to go to a big school in a big city where I'd be forgotten in a heartbeat so I convinced myself that a tiny liberal arts school with a nursing program would somehow be a magnet for everything I could ever want.

So did I end the day curled up in my friends bed while she fed me Almond Joys while pretending I hadn't started crying when I told her what happened?  Probably.  But through it I had learned a very important lesson, that nothing good has ever come from Tinder, and that Liberty still definitely sucks.  Also what the hell is butter balm?