#And the .5 is when I’m counting the 30 second convo that I walked in on

[cassandralexxx]

I woke up at 4 am did Full Hair and makeup to get to the place at 6:30 am. I have been there for over 12 hours now and I was only used for 1.5 rounds out of 11. I’ve genuinely just been sitting in the upper levels waiting to see if I’m on the list for the vast majority of today 😭. And after it ends in like 20 minutes we still can’t leave for at least another hour </3

[sscarn]

Saturday, it started just like any other Saturday that I worked to make some extra money. I didn’t have to get anyone else ready, just me, myself and I out the door. I put the address into maps and I was off. I stupidly didn’t listen when Siri (that’s what everyone calls the voice of maps, right?!?!) told me to get off the second exit I came to because stupid Siri didn’t mention the upcoming traffic. So, I sat in the traffic, worried about how late I would actually be, but so far the traffic was only adding an additional 13 minutes, so I would still be in the office before my first patient’s appointment time and very slightly relaxed. I turned up the music and tried to decide how I would take on the rest of the day.

I knew my husband was probably still asleep and hungover as shit. He and a friend had finished a whole bottle of Elijah Craig the night before. I had had one whiskey sour but stopped drinking after I proceeded to take my son and our dog on a walk and three GIANT loose huskies ran up to us. They didn’t attack, but my dog had just been attacked by a chihuahua a few weeks prior, like legit attacked, so we had some PTSD and I just screamed for my husband to come help me because we barely made it up the block And I didn’t know what else to do.

So, I worked the short Saturday shift and decided we really needed to work on the pool liner. I helped my husband with that and we let the kids “help” too as the water was filling the bottom and we were working out the wrinkles. After we had put our time in, we decided to go out to eat at one of our favorite spots that is super kid friendly. They literally have the best French onion soup and the chocolate Kiss drink is like drinking your dessert. Since I didn’t really have a great Friday, I decided to meet up with some friends after dinner with my family.

We literally were having the best time!! Our one friend was turning 39 on Sunday and they all had went to school together, so I was the baby at the party. We all were laughing and joking and having the absolute best time. I tried doing a boomerang of us doing pistachio shots, that were absolutely incredible, but it took multiple tries and quite a few bloopers to get the perfect boomerang to post on Insta.

Fast forward to us moving outdoors for the smokers and to get some fresh air when I decided to tell one of my closest friends about a really weird experience I had had on Friday. There was this guy I went to school with that was asking me about OnlyFans and asked if he could send me some material to give him advice on. Needless to say it got way blown out of proportion when my friends drunk fiancée overheard the convo. He thought I was showing her nudeys of some guy and started to freak. That’s when he called me a “whore” which I’m not sure if anyone had actually ever called me before but I’m not saying I’m not, but I wouldn’t necessarily classify myself as one. But what exactly counts as a whore?

The dictionary says whore- noun: DEROGATORY prostitute. Well, for one, I’ve never actually been paid for sex. When I was younger I definitely have used my promiscuity to get things from men, but I never was actually paid for sex as I feel a prostitute would be.

This friend’s fiancé has been known to go to far after one too many drinks, but never have I seen him do it with anyone but his fiancé. Also, I believe us to be friends so even though I was pretty damn drunk, his words cut like a knife “WHORE” and then he proceeded to bring up he who shouldn’t be spoken of. And I’m not sure what else he said because then all I remember is being really drunk and I screamed back at him and then was being ushered into the house by friend because she wanted to

Protect me and not let me get hurt.

The fiancé ended up getting driven home by the only sober friend and we all sat and talked for awhile til I ended up passing out on a chair in the living room. When I woke up it was almost 5:30. My watch was missing. The cat was purring at me. And all that really stuck with me was being called a “WHORE”. Just the thought of the words stung my whole being. I mean I know I slept with someone I shouldn’t have. I’m

Married with children. I’m not supposed to have this crazy side sexual life, so the fiancé was right, right?! I was feeling queasy and knew I wanted to go home. I looked up an Uber and my stingey (is that even a word) self refused to pay $10 plus a tip

To walk 2 miles that I’ve run actually even ran in the past. So, I decided to gather my things, I had to sneak into my sleeping friends room and snatch my watch off the charger, found my purse and slide my green old navy flip flops on to begin my journey home.

As I walked down the hill from my friends house I saw the most beautiful sunrise and couldn’t help but take a couple good pictures even though I couldn’t really stop replaying “WHORE” in my mind. I think I was as close to sober as I could be at 5:30

In the morning and the weather was honestly quite perfect for my walk home. I spent the beginning of the walk thinking about just how much of a “WHORE”

I am. I definitely have slept with quite a few people, but since I’ve been married I’ve only fell in love once. Wait, what was I thinking, I fell in love and I’m married. Holy fuck I am a fucking “WHORE”. Who falls in love while

Being married. How fucking taboo? I mean Will and Jada have a relationship like this but we a far from Will And Jada, but are we? We are humans with needs and wants. And I needed more and succumbed to my husbands wants. My husband wanted me to sleep around! I am a “WHORE” !!!!

I kept walking with my head spinning, not sure if it was from the excessive amount of alcohol or the fact that my mind was making me believe I was in fact a “WHORE”. Every time I replayed the word in my mind the knife just seemed to cut deeper.

I was about halfway home when I felt the knife cut so deep, I’m not sure if it was seeing my pathetic reflection walking home from a drunken stupor or just the word “WHORE” repeated for the the millionth time

But I started to cry. The tears were just flowing. I wasn’t sobbing, but I was hurt. I felt like a “WHORE” and all over falling in love with someone that didn’t even feel the same, and then I remembered the other stupid thing I did while drunk. I blocked him after he looked at my Instagram stories and I attempted to text him “I hate you” possibly multiple times, but drunk me deleted all

And any evidence so I don’t even know what I truly said. I started to cry even more. So now I felt like a really stupid “WHORE”.

As I finished my trek home, i continued to cry and feel bad for myself because I was hurt. Hurt that I was just another one of his “WHORES”. I think the knife cut so damn deep because it made the reality sink in that he was only having sex with me just like any of the other girls he’d hook And walk away from. He was never really into me, he made it pretty clear with his actions and even though we were in a weird and difficult situation, if he had loved me, even the tiniest bit, he would have shown me even the smallest ounce more of respect. And that’s when I knew maybe this night was exactly what I needed. Maybe life throws these hard truths at you just to get you to open your eyes and see the bigger picture. So, maybe I am a “WHORE” but maybe I’m not. Maybe I just fell in love with the wrong person and made a lot of stupid decisions.

[soysaucevictim]

Week 4.

-

Apr. 3

I woke up around 10AM.

After a bit of time on the usual, I went along with brother out to a local Best Buy out of town. We wound up staying there a few hours to get the stuff we needed/wanted to from them.

Got a rather large but tasty burrito and some churros from a small/obscure Mexican food place afterward.

Spent several hours at home slowly eating it and waiting on that to digest...

The only exercise I got in today was the DD. 2′ balance hold (1′/1′, arms up, raised leg forward). A fun exercise determined by the time management and barely finishing digesting dinner... that that was the only exercise I was up for.

I got to bed a bit earlier than yesterday, but still in the red zone.

-

Apr. 4

I woke up after 1PM and one of the first things I did was start on today’s exercise.

First, today’s DD. 30 reverse angels with EC. Manageable, still awkward negotiating floor space and not

Second, Day 19 of the SOP. Level 3, no rest. No assist/chair for the “squats“ and calf raises. Seated for the leg raises and raised leg swings. Breezy.

Last, Day 19 of the RbP. Level 3, max rest. Had a few wobbly moments to maintain my balance for the calf raises. But manageable. I thought about shortening the rest - but I think my ankles were happier about that.

Hit the showers and went to the grandparents for Easter Dinner. Mostly was irritated at old computer because I wanted to get in a bit of writing done, maybe. Didn’t work. Despite that, I stayed away from aggravating convo topics.

Spent rest of night on the usual, when we got back home.

I got to bed around the same time as yesterday.

-

Apr. 5

I woke up after 11AM and updated some logs, preparing for my therapy appointment today.

Appointment went alright. Mostly service plan stuff... trying to get everything to jive with the assessment and whatnot. Did run out to convenience store again after that, having given the driver some lead-time.

I got going on my exercise pretty much as soon as I got home.

First, today’s DD. 20 jump squats with EC. Manageable.

Second, Day 20 of the SOP. Level 3, no rest, no drops. Arm stuff, modestly fatigued by the end of it, but still easy enough for me.

Last, Day 20 of the RbP. Level 3, max rest. Ab stuff, was a bit hesitant to get into this with food choices. But glad there wasn’t much protest there. I also made sure to keep the legs off the ground for all the knee-to-elbow crunches and hollow holds. Letter form was a tiny by sloppy., but I still felt mounting fatigue. Also just glad it was only 4 rep/count intervals.

After chatting and listening to music. I decided I needed to get a nap, my brain was pea soup at that point.

When I got back up, did get a bit of writing done, before heading back to bed, proper.

I got to bed around the same time as yesterday.

-

Apr. 6

I woke up around 11AM again. and one of the first things I did was start on today’s exercise.

First, today’s DD. 10 plank walk-outs, doable.

Second, Day 21 of the SOP. Level 3, no rest. A bit more on the flexibility and balance department - enjoyable.

Last, Day 21 of the RbP. Level 3, max rest. Did all the hidden burpees, I liked the jacks more than the up/downs, but c’est la vie. Got me pretty bushed by the end. Was tempted to do more bouncing/jacks afterward to chase a feeling - but I decided I’d ease up on the calves today.

Did some shopping and fic reading, before starting to get dad prepped for his appointment tomorrow.

Spent rest of night on the usual. I guess I was tired enough to get to bed in the yellow zone - just before 2AM.

-

Apr. 7

I woke up a bit before 8AM, today.

Had to help dad make preparation for an appointment today. Did some shopping had started on my exercise...

First, today’s DD. 2′ wall-sit with EC. This is giving me some second thoughts on placing that tapestry where I did, because I was worried about just how much tension I was applying whilst doing this. It stayed, but I felt like I was pushing my luck. Definitely felt the quads burning, too.

(After Seeking Safety Group, which was alright, getting home, and doing some of he usual shit...)

Second, Day 22 of the SOP. Level 3, no rest, no assist (only taking seat for the frontal leg raises... though I think the next time I need to do these, I’ll do slow front kicks, maybe). Breezy leg day stuff.

Last, Day 22 of the RbP. Level 3, 30″ rest. Given how taxing/draining today was... I’m happy that I had an easier day overall. More leg work, did try to make the side leg raises higher than waist. Liked the balance stuff involved here.

Decided to take some preliminary measurements of the jam jars for a planned sewing project I had for them. Spent rest of night on the usual.

I got to bed at an obscene hour again.

-

Apr. 8

I woke up around 1PM.

Pretty much immediately after waking up, I decided to start baking another batch of shortbread cookies with Roman’s jam. After a bit of the usual, did today’s exercise.

First, today’s DD. 50 knee strikes with EC (25/25). Doable and fun.

Second, Day 23 of the SOP. Level 3, no rest, no drops. Arm work - felt a bit of fatigue by the end of it, but happy I was able to tally my sets well enough.

Last, Day 23 of the RbP. Level 3, 1′ rest. More arm work, more fatiguing. But manageable work~

Did some dishes and then made today’s Hello Fresh meal. Spaghetti with Brussels sprouts & parm. I thought it was pretty tasty. A little bit involved shredding up all those sprouts, but it was an interesting way to eat them. Bro suggested cooking them whole (which would cut down some prep time, tho), dad said nah to that, i didn’t really have a prob with either idea.

Spent rest of night on the usual before earnestly started to draft the designs for the jars. Got a bit irritated about dad criticizing the endeavor... =_=

I guess I was tired enough to get to bed in the yellow zone - just before 2AM.

-

Apr. 9

I woke up around noon.

After some reading and the usual, I got going on today’s exercise.

First, today’s DD. 30 side-to-side lunges with EC. Manageable.

Second, Day 24 of the SOP. Level 3, no rest. Pretty breezy flexibility day again.

Last, Day 24 of the RbP. Level 3, max rest. Might’ve gotten away with shortening my rests - but stomach’s been a bit temperamental. so kinda glad I didn’t push it. This was bridges and leg raises, very manageable load.

Spent time on the usual stuff before spending more time to iterate on those bag designs, more to scale.

I got to bed obscenely late again.

[flowers-in-your-dustbin]

All the numbers again (second tag reblog)

1: When you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk? More milk than cereal cause I like to drink it!

2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day? Yeah, but when I can get into the warmth after that's even better!

3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books? I try to remember the page number instead so usually end on a multiple of 10 or 5.

4: how do you take your coffee/tea? Tea: Two sugars, milk, hopefully brewed by the gal. Coffee: I don’t!

5: are you self-conscious of your smile? Kinda!

6: do you keep plants? Nope!

7: do you name your plants? None to name!

8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings? Oils if I had the money for that so typically watercolours

9: do you like singing/humming to yourself? I am right now.

10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach? Typically side, but back is fine. Not stomach really!

11: what's an inner joke you have with your friends? Oh My Gouda.

12: what's your favorite planet? Uranus ;)

13: what's something that made you smile today? My gal surprised me with a beautiful orchid

14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like? Edgy expose brick aesthetic

15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is! Uranus’ blue glow is due to an abundance of methane which filters out red light.

16: what's your favorite pasta dish? Spaghetti carbonara probs! Especially cooked by the best.

17: what color do you really want to dye your hair? I don’t! I did want pastel pink in August.

18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up. I had a paddy fit in primary school because I used to always sabotage my meals so I didn't eat them but I spilt milk on something I legitimately didn’t mind having... I cried over spilt milk.

19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it? I do! I write the days events and my feelings, I draw key points or little objects. Not all the time tho.

20: what's your favorite eye color? A nice hazel-y to chocolate amber brown woop

21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that's been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces. A grey Kanken Fjallraven, if Switzerland counts as hell, there you have it.

22: are you a morning person? Yeah! I’m straight too!

23: what's your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations? Exactly that, nothing. With a side of music.

24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets? Only the one.

25: what's the weirdest place you've ever broken into? An abandoned slaughterhouse. Soz vegans

26: what are the shoes you've had for forever and wear with every single outfit? Black old skool vans hehe original

27: what's your favorite bubblegum flavor? Strawberry!

28: sunrise or sunset? Why not both in a day?

29: what's something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing? I’m not sure!

30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared? I’m not sure, close calls/

31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks. I like socks. Weird socks are fun. So are odd ones. I do not sleep with my socks, nor do I confine myself to white sock hell.

32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends. We had deep convos for the time, we probs cried, then probs went to sleep.

33: what's your fave pastry? Uh choux just cause I can remember that is one. Hahahaha.

34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it? I had one called Baxter Bear which was the best, he was quite obviously a bear with a red scarf and his own passport. I threw up on him in the car and he was never the same again, he disappeared short after. Don’t ask about Scrubs the dog.

35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often? I do, I just don't use them often.

36: which band's sound would fit your mood right now? The xx

37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean? A healthy middle.

38: tell us about your pet peeves! Couldn’t possibly. There’s a fair few.

39: what color do you wear the most? Probably black? Emo ik.

40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what's it's story? does it have any meaning to you? I own a necklace I got for my 16th its very cute and only comes out when I have heterosexual days to masquerade it. It’s nice.

41: what's the last book you remember really, really loving? The Picture of Dorian Grey by Oscar Wilde, it’s my favourite ever. I don’t read as much as I used to, sigh.

42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it! There’s a cute local one. They do unreal Nutella pancakes and its quite central and very aesthetic-y. Yum!

43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with? My gal, typically on the way to my car where I point out Orion or The Dipper. It’d be nice to do it properly sometime.

44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything? Two days ago.

45: do you trust your instincts a lot? When I need to.

46: tell us the worst pun you can think of. Someone mentions a dog, then I normally incorporate the word ‘ruff’ as a homophone for ‘rough’ and get death stares. But I like it.

47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe? Gherkins.

48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today? Abandonment/loneliness hahahah yes it is.

49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought? I do like buying records yeah! I can’t say until April the 23rd but I’ll have bought another by then.

50: what's an odd thing you collect? I don’t think I do have anything odd!

51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them? Uncomfortable by Wallows, as well as Fast Food by D.I.D and many many more.

52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far? The new Patrick one is doing pretty good.

53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them? Nope, nope, nope and nope!

54: who's the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face? My dog. I didn't walk him.

55: what's the most dramatic thing you've ever done to prove a point? Hahahah you wouldn’t want to know. 

56: what are some things you find endearing in people? Feeling secure with them, if you get me.

57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics? CAN YOU DO THE FANDANGO!?!?!

58: who's the wine mom and who's the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why? K is probs the wine mom bc I'd say A but she’s not as sensible, thus A gets the Aunt role.

59: what's your favorite myth? Bulls hate red, they’re actually colour blind lmao.

60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves? I don’t mind a bit of poetry! Marking Time by Owen Sheers is noice.

61: what's the stupidest gift you've ever given? the stupidest one you've ever received? Me and mum put a fancy brooch in a pack of digestives for someone. I’ve received stupid spellings of my name on the birthday cards.

62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind? Nope

63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be? Rainbow order woop.

64: what color is the sky where you are right now? Black.

65: is there anyone you haven't seen in a long time who you'd love to hang out with? Yep!

66: what would your ideal flower crown look like? Cutesy and white and blue and stuff idk. But I wouldn't wear one haha.

67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel? Serene! Albeit Silent Hill-esque

68: what's winter like where you live? Fun! Cold! Disruptive!

69: what are your favorite board games? The Game of Life/Monopoly/Articulate!

70: have you ever used a ouija board? Nope!

71: what's your favorite kind of tea? English Breakfast, brewed by the girlfriend.

72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you'll forget it? I've been known to be.

73: what are some of your worst habits? Overthinking. Nail biting.

74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns. Ginger.

75: tell us about your pets! A doggo! A beagle! and a fish...

76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren't? Revising!

77: pink or yellow lemonade? Yellow

78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub? anyone in the fanclub needs natural selection to do its thing.

79: what's one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you? Surprised me at work with flowers.

80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why? White, because I’d like grey but we haven’t got there yet or painted the house since its still pretty new.

81: describe one of your friend's eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of. I don't have the time for that shit.

82: are/were you good in school? I was! I still think I am! Who knows.

83: what's some of your favorite album art? Smithsmithsmithsmithsmiths

84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones? Yeah! Quite a few. All tonal, but above all a Venus sign and more importantly the great wave off Kanazawa by Hokusai

85: do you read comics? what are your faves? I don't fun fact I used to read them start to feel sick.

86: do you like concept albums? which ones? I feel stupid for not knowing what they are.

87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives? Donnie Darko.

88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy? Not Gothic. Can’t go wrong with a bit of impressionism.

89: are you close to your parents? I think. Depends on the time of day.

90: talk about your one of you favorite cities. Starts with E, ends in Dinburgh.

91: where do you plan on traveling this year? Nowhere abroad really, just a couple of good cities.

92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch? Barely sprinkles, but I have a drowner with me to compensate.

93: what's the hairstyle you wear the most? Down. Full stop. 

94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday? My girlfriend’s. mum!

95: what are your plans for this weekend? Work, a party, a Harry Potter film, a sad Sunday.

96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot? I leave them for as long as possible

97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house? ENFJ/Pisces/Ravenclaw

98: when's the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it? Hah idk.

99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them. Nude - Radiohead is the one I’m thinking at the mo’ and I can’t think past that.

100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why? Future. Don’t need to lament on the past when I hope I have a good one ahead of me. Then from there I'd click 5 back so I’m right back to where I am, cheers.

[supernatural-stuffs]

Coffee Convos

A/N: I wrote this one-shot for @queen-of-deans-booty ‘s Trope Challenge. My prompt was #30-I see you at the coffee shop all the time, looking beautiful and minding your own business and I see you reading/writing/etc and now I can think of an excuse to talk to you. I may write a part two to this, depending on the feedback I get. Thanks for reading!

Warnings: descriptions of Jensen Ackle’s thighs, swearing

Pairing: Jensen Ackles x Reader

Word Count: 3,145

Disclaimer:  Jensen is single for the purposes of this fic. No hate intended towards Danneel or his family-this is purely fiction!!!

Also: Y/L/N’s = the name of the coffee shop

I hurried down the sidewalk, knowing I had only minutes left. My feet pounded on the pavement faster and faster until I was practically running, weaving through various pedestrians and passers-by. It was obvious to anyone that I was running late today. There wasn’t exactly a particular reason for said lateness, except maybe my penchant for hitting the snooze button one too many times. Thank God the building was only a 5 minute walk from my apartment in downtown Austin.

Finally I reached my destination. Peeking through the window of the small coffee shop, I sighed in relief. Not a customer in sight. Despite my belatedness, I had managed to beat the morning rush. I pushed through the glass doors, nearly crashing into a tall stack of boxes as I did so.

“Sorry Sarah! Didn’t see you there.”

A flustered face peeked out from behind the tower of cardboard.

“Oh, hey Y/N. I’ll grab you your usual as soon as I toss these.”

“I’ll grab the boxes,” I offered. “The morning rush will be coming in soon, and you should be at the counter.”

She nodded and handed me her load before hurrying to the counter, throwing on her apron. I saw her get to work on my latte as I left. Though there were other employees that could have made my drink, Sarah was my favorite. I’m not sure exactly how she did it, but somehow it always tasted better when she made my coffee.

Throwing the heap into the dumpster in the back, I returned quickly, the extra promise of caffeine hurrying my movements.

Sarah slid it across the counter to me, bartender style. I took a long drag, savoring the sweet caramel flavor.

“Mmm. God, this is good. Remind me to give you raise or something.”

Sarah quirked her eyebrow. “Is that you or the caffeine talking?”

“Probably the caffeine,” I admitted. “But I can’t be held accountable for anything I say under the influence of this beautiful, beautiful drink.”

I took another big gulp of it, and Sarah just rolled her eyes. She knew better than to contest my coffee addiction.

“You were late today,” she pointed out instead. “Almost got caught in the swarm.” She gestured her head towards the line that was already starting to form.

“Yeah well, I was up late last night.”

“Ooh,” she wiggled her eyebrows. “Out partying?”

I scoffed. “Right. Because I have such a corybantic social life.”

“Well you would if you stopped using words like corybantic.”

I scoffed. “Don’t you have work to do?” I looked pointedly at my other employees, frantically trying to fulfill orders as caffeine-starved people jockeyed for their orders.

She sighed and got back to work, mixing drinks while I took my coffee to my regular spot. Getting my laptop out, I started going over the notes my editor had sent me. I had been working my ass off for the past few weeks trying to get my book polished off and edited. Between that and running my little cafe, I had been burning the midnight oil much too late for my liking. I briefly pondered on Sarah’s comments on my social life. Though I knew she was joking, it wasn’t too far from the truth. Sure, I had friends, and it wasn’t as if I was some kind of social pariah, but my double career life did leave something to be desired in regards to the recreational department.

I shook off the thoughts and went back to revising. I could contemplate on the inner workings of my life some other time.

After about three hours, I decided that it was time I took a break. Though I had been there quite some time, it was nearing around nine o’ clock, and people were still bustling about trying to fulfill orders. I thought briefly about jumping in to help out, but then I remembered my last attempt at barista-ing (is that even a word?). Long story short, we were forced to buy three new coffee makers after I attempted a new style of brewing that I had seen on the Food Network. I have since sworn off both coffee making as well as watching Barefoot Contessa.

So I allowed my employees do what I paid them to do, and settled in with Crime and Punishment. It was about my eighth time re-reading it, but what can I say? We all have our guilty pleasures. An old woman being axe-murdered just happens to be one of mine.

I was just getting to Razumikhin’s visit when a voice pulled me out of my reading-induced stupor.

“Crime and Punishment, huh?”

I glared at the book, refusing to look up. I knew it was a customer. Everyone who worked at Y/L/N’s knew not to interrupt me while I was in the midst of reading. As pet peeves go, it was near the top of my list, right up there with loud chewing and people who don’t cover their mouths when they sneeze.

I responded without moving my head in the slightest, turning my page to signify that I was, in fact, reading, and not just staring blankly at a book hoping that a stranger would strike up conversation with me.

“Mmhm.”

“That seems pretty heavy for a coffee shop read, don’t you think?”

Man, this guy really doesn’t take a hint, does he? And who says coffee shop reading has to be light? I certainly had never heard of that social norm. And you know what else I had never heard of? People being overjoyed when a stranger interrupts their reading. So I turned my face up to look at him, ready to tell this guy off for being especially rude and discourteous.

And I stopped dead in my movements. Because it just so happened that Mr. Book Interrupter was incredibly hot. Gorgeous, actually. Some might even call him beautiful. With those green eyes and that light scruff and that sharp jawline. Dear Lord.

Oh, and he was Jensen Ackles. You know, the famous guy? The one who’s on that really popular TV show with the monsters and ghosts and the like? The one that I may or may not have been obsessed with at that current moment in time?

So, naturally, I stared with my mouth hanging open like a fool for…I don’t know, ten seconds? Or maybe it was ten minutes. It felt like ten years, but I knew that was probably unlikely.

He chuckled a little awkwardly, his hand coming up to rub the back of his neck. This was enough to snap me out of it. I shut my mouth quickly, hoping there was no drool littering my chin, and looked away, embarrassed.

“Sorry, I, um, didn’t mean to stare.”

He nodded, his cheeks a little pink, and I vaguely thought about what it would be like to run my fingers over his blushing cheek, to see if that scruff was as delicious feeling as it looked. Thankfully, my fingers didn’t obey this command. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I remembered reading that he had moved to Austin. But I had never even imagined the possibility that he would be here, in my tiny coffee shop. Why was he here? There were plenty of other, more upscale cafes in Austin. Ones that were surely more worthy of his celebrity status.

My brain suddenly reminded me that he had said something before I so rudely chose to gawk. Ah, right! My book. Even all the glory of Jensen fucking Ackles wasn’t enough to take away from the fact that I was still a little miffed about that. So I decided to treat him as I would any other stranger who had chosen to interrupt my leisure time. I mean, he’s just a person, right? An incredibly handsome, talented, famous person, but a person nonetheless. And it’s not like I was obsessed with him. I was obsessed with the character he played. And that’s totally different.

At least, that’s what I told myself. It was a lie, of course, but it helped me muster up the courage to at least speak in his presence.

“Right, well, Dostoevsky’s writing actually isn’t that complex. Most of his works have overarching themes of nihilism and the natural psychological tendencies of mankind, so once you realize that it’s pretty much just plot analyzation.”

Oh God. I was going for slightly annoyed yet still cool and collected, but instead I did the thing. The rambling thing. Sarah called it my nerd brain purge. Apparently when I get nervous I tend to over inform. God, this interaction was getting more embarrassing by the second.

Jensen looked just as surprised as I did. Maybe he thought I was going to stare at him some more. He sat down in the armchair next to me, wiping his hands on the thighs of his jeans. His glorious, glorious thighs. I had dreamed of those bowlegs before, but TV and my imagination didn’t do them nearly enough justice. Aaand now I was fangirling again. Don’t stare, don’t stare, don’t stare, I repeated like a mantra in my brain.

It was harder to keep my cool than I had previously expected.

“Well, uh, that certainly sounds complex to me. But I haven’t exactly read much Dostoevsky, so I’ll have to take your word for it.”

I smiled slightly and nodded. Maybe that was the approach to take. If I just kept my mouth shut, nothing else stupid could come tumbling out.

He seemed at a loss for what to say next. I saw a light bead of perspiration forming on his upper lip, and he started fidgeting with a tiny thread that was poking out of the sleeve of his jacket. Was he nervous? All the signs seemed to point to that. But what possible reason would Jensen Ackles, TV star and celebrity extraordinaire, have to be nervous around me? In fact, why did he even come over here in the first place?

I decided to abandon my former rule about speaking, my curiosity getting the best of me.

“So, uh, did you need something? I’m sure you didn’t come over here just to discuss the many plot devices of Dostoevsky.”

I let out a little laugh, trying to relieve the tension that hung in the air between us.

Jensen laughed slightly, too, and blushed again. He seemed even more flustered now. I couldn’t understand why.

“Um I wanted to ask you-well actually I was wondering, uh, what your name is?”

I smiled slightly at his stuttering. I didn’t fully understand what was happening at the moment, but I did know that he was extremely adorable when he was ruffled.

“Y/N. Y/N Y/L/N.”

I thrust out my hand for him to shake.

He slid his hand into mine, and I swore I felt a spark of electricity travel up my arm when his rough, calloused hand enveloped mine.

“Jensen Ackles.”

“I know,” I blurted out before I could stop myself. My cheeks instantaneously burned red hot. Why, why did I have to say that?

He grinned. A contemplative look flashed across his face, then, and his brows furrowed as though he was attempting to solve a very difficult math problem.

“Wait, Y/L/N? As in…” he gestured to the area around us, indicating that he was asking about the coffee shop.

“One and the same.” I shook my head in affirmation, my cheeks still uncomfortably hot.

“So you’re the owner of this place?”

I nodded again, starting to feel like a bobblehead.

“That’s cool… that’s really cool.”

I narrowed my eyes at him, trying to figure out where he was headed with all of this. He squirmed a little under my gaze.

“Can I ask you something?” I asked before I stopped myself.

He nodded, leaning a little closer to me as I spoke.

“Why are you talking to me? I mean, you’re a-you’re a celebrity. What made you want to make awkward small talk with me, of all people?”

There. It was out, now. The question that had been hanging in the air since he shad approached me. I may have sounded a little brusque while asking it, but at least I could know now, understand why Jensen had chosen to spend a beautiful Thursday morning in a cramped coffee shop, talking to a girl who had previously had her nose buried in a book.

“Well, um. This is going to sound super creepy.” He took a deep breath, and my eyebrows shot up in question, gesturing for him to continue.

“Well, I’ve kind of been…watching you.”

My eyebrows flew even higher.

“Watching me?” I squeaked.

“Not like that!” He said quickly. “I haven’t been stalking you or anything like that. It’s just… I’ve been coming in here every day for the past two months, and you’re here every day. Sitting in this same spot. And you always look super busy. Like, you’re always either writing furiously on that little notebook,” he motioned to my notepad beside me, which was, indeed, open and full of scribbled words. “or you’re typing on your laptop. And you have this incredible focus. I’ve never even seen you look up from your work. And you do this thing, where you scrunch up your eyebrows and chew on the inside of your cheek when you’re thinking really hard. I guess…today was just the first day I’ve ever seen you look…still. Calm. I don’t know, this probably sounds dumb, but there’s just something about you that made me feel like I had to talk to you. That I had to see what you were working on so furiously every day. And that I had to tell you that-that you’re extremely beautiful.” He said the last part in a big rush of air, like it had been physically painful for him to hold the words inside his chest and they just had to come out all at once.

I stared at him in shock. This wasn’t real. It couldn’t be real. Jensen Ackles was here. In front of me. Telling me I was beautiful and that he had noticed me. He had noticed me. He had been coming here for two months? And I had never seen him? How could I have missed him? He was JENSEN ACKLES. Was it really possible that I had been so wrapped up in trying to get my book finished that I had been completely missing looking up and seeing him all these days?

I hadn’t spoken for a good fifteen seconds, just staring at him numbly, trying to process everything he had said.

“Please, say something,” he begged. He looked a little desperate.

I forced myself to snap out of it.

“I-” I laughed a little, still reeling. “I don’t really know what to say. Thank you, I guess.”

He beamed at me, flashing his bright whites. My stomach flip flopped. That had been the first time he had smiled, really smiled, since we had started this conversation, and it took my breath away. We sat there for a moment, him smiling broadly and me grinning like a fool back at him. I got lost in those piercing eyes and the tiny freckles smattered across the bridge of his nose and continuing on to his cheeks.

The moment was interrupted by a loud ringing. We both jumped, and Jensen snatched his phone out of his pocket. He looked at the caller ID and his eyes widened.

“Oh shit. What time is it?” he asked frantically.

I checked my own phone. “Umm…almost 10:15.”

He swore under his breath again and answered the call with a swipe of his finger.

“Jared! Look, dude, I’m so sorry I’m late. I got caught up with something.”

He must have been talking to his costar, Jared Padalecki. I was struck again with how crazy and surreal this whole thing was. Not for the first time that day, I wondered if I was in some kind of a dream. Or maybe a drug-induced hallucination. But inwardly, I knew that my subconscious could never have been this creative. This was completely and totally one hundred percent real.

“Look, I’ll be there in five minutes, okay?…Yeah…Okay, I’ll see you soon.”

He ended the call with a jab of his finger, and turned back to me.

“You have to go,” I stated. I hoped my voice didn’t give away my disappointment.

“Yeah,” he said somberly. “I’m really sorry, but I completely forgot I made plans.”

“It’s okay,” I nodded. “I get it.”

He nodded, and started to get up, then seemed to think better of it and sat back down, facing me.

“Could we…could we do this again sometime? Not exactly this, obviously, I was thinking a different location, and a different day, and we would probably be wearing different clothes, and-”

I cut off his rambling, putting my hand on top of his. He looked down at our hands, and then back up at me.

“Yeah,” I smiled shyly. “Yeah, I’d love to.”

He bit his lip and grinned, gesturing to my phone. “Can I…?”

“Oh!” I typed in the password and handed it to him, allowing him to enter his phone number. He punched in some digits and handed it back. Our fingers brushed for a moment as I took it from him, and I felt that flip flop sensation in my stomach all over again. I smiled when I saw that he had saved his number under the name “Jay”.

“I’ve really gotta get going,” he said apologetically.

I nodded, and Jensen turned and started towards the door, dodging over-caffeinated soccer moms and their grabby children as he did. Once he reached the counter, though, he stopped. He swiveled to face me once more.

“Hey Y/N?” he called out through the din of people chatting and orders being yelled.

“Yeah?” I responded hopefully.

“Call me, okay?”

There was a kind of vulnerability in his eyes. It wasn’t a rhetorical question. It was almost as if he needed to hear me say it, that he needed the reassurance that I would actually use the number he’d given me.

So I stared into those emerald eyes and hoped that I looked sincere. “Yeah, Jensen. I’ll call you.” I smiled reassuringly.

He nodded. He looked a little more confident, a little more sure of himself, then, as he winked at me and turned on his heel to stride out the door.

I sighed happily, collapsing against my chair. Now I knew what all those romance novels (which I totally, definitely don’t have a stash of underneath my bed) were talking about when the girl got all swoony. My mind was moving at warp speed, trying to catalog every detail, every flash of those dimples to think back on later. I could not wait to tell Sarah about this.

[soulspideys]

cutesy q tag

Rules: if you’re tagged you have to answer these questions and then tag another 10 blogs that you’re mutuals that you want to get to know

i was tagged by @malaikamalfoy thank you!!

Tags: @captainswriting @parkerroos @spideyboys @spideyyss @oaf @eddiekaspbraks @boyfriendtom @thatmaddiegirl @hmu-joseph @dreamyholland 

1. Who was the last person you held hands with? lmao my best friend

2. Are you outgoing or shy? both. depends on the scenario.

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? idk, my friends i guess??

4. Are you easy to get along with? i like to think so.

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you? probably, if like we were hanging out together when i got drunk?? depends on the scenario

6. What kind of person are you attracted to? scrawnier guys, kinda lanky, awkward, literal walking memes, childish faces (this makes me sound like a pedo akdfgldfh), normally blond / brunette. 

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? Probably not.

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind? Wyatt Oleff currently owns my ass.

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? not really

10. Who was the last person you had a deep convo with? @captainswriting it was in a group chat but lj is super helpful w that kinda stuff :’))

11. What does the most recent text you sent say? "HAHAHHAHSBXBDKDKS”

12. What are your top 5 songs rn? i love this question!! bacon - nick jonas / out of my league - fitz and the tantrums / hooked on a feeling - blue swede / come a little bit closer - jay & the americans / swimming in the moonlight - bad suns

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair? omg yes it’s the number one way to my heart

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles? i guess?? i mean,, i believe everything happens for a reason

15. What good thing happened this summer? i accepted the fact that i want to be an actress

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? never kissed any1

17. Do you think there’s life on other planets? yes lmao i can’t imagine earth being the only planet in the universe with life 

18. Do you still talk to your first crush? lmao no that was like ten years and three moves ago

19. Do you love bubble baths? yes, but i haven’t had one recently!! :(

20. Do you like your neighbours? idk never really interacted w em

21. What are your bad habits? i pick @ my face

22. Where would you like to travel? NYC, London, Europe, LA

23. Do you have trust issues? you bet ur bottom dollar

24. Favourite part of your daily routine? ummm probably sitting on my computer for hours lmao

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? my double chin

26. What do you do when you wake up? go to the bathroom, get dressed, go downstairs

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? i really like my skin so

28. Who are you most comfortable around? my best friend

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regretted breaking up? never had an ex whoop

30. Do you ever want to get married? yep

31. Is your hair long enough for a ponytail? yep

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with? bih i’m fifteen

33. Spell your name with your chin. l’/;rdede

34. Do you play any sports? nah

35. Would you rather live without tv or music? tv i don’t really watch much anyway

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? literally every crush

37. What do you say during an awkward silence? normally something memey like “how about that airplane food” or “oof”

38. Describe your dream girl/guy? wyatt oleff ummm like,, has to make me laugh, hold my hand in public, accept my baggage kadfhladh, understanding, give me space but let me cling when i need to, constant affirmation akjfdladh

39. What’s your favourite store to shop in? i don’t like shopping

40. Who do you want to do after high school? i wanna go to film school, hopefully get cast in a big blockbuster

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? depends on what they did wrong

42. If you’re being extremely quiet what does it mean ? i’m tired, scared to be annoying

43. Do you smile at strangers? depends. i try to.

44. Trip to outer space or the bottom or the ocean? ack both scare me but i guess ocean??

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? my alarm

46. What are you paranoid about? talking myself out of good thing

47. Have you ever been high? nah

48. Have you ever been drunk? nah

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? nah

50. What’s the colour of the last hoodie you wore? red

51. Ever wished you were someone else? i mean,, not really?? like i’ve wished i could be like someone else, but i’ve never not wanted to be me

52. One thing you could change about yourself? less anxiety would be lit

53. Favourite makeup brand? don’t wear enough to know brands

54. Favourite store? i don’t like shopping

55. Favourite blog? i can’t pick one!!

56. Favourite colour? pastel purple

57. Favourite food? fuck dude idk i’m a fatass i like all food

58. Last thing you ate? mac n cheese

59. First think you ate this morning? mac n cheese

60. Ever won a competition? probably

61. Ever been suspended/ expelled? no!

62. Ever been arrested? NO!

63. Ever been in love? in a way

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss ? what first kiss

65. Are you hungry rn? no but i want to eat

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more that your real friends? it’s a very different type of relationship

67. Facebook or twitter? twitter

68. Twitter or tumblr? tumblr

69. Are you watching tv rn? no

70. Names of your best friends Jaycee, Autumn, Allison, Annabelle Lyss, LJ, Ruby, Izzy

71. Are you craving anything? a will to live does happiness count??

72. What colour are your towels? navy blue or blue n white striped

73. How many pillows to you sleep with? two

74. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? yes

75. Favourite animal? uhhhh pangolins

76. What colour is your underwear? teal

77. Chocolate or vanilla vanilla

78. Favourite ice cream flavour? birthday cake

79. What colour shirt are you wearing? green

80. What colour pants? pale blue

81. Favourite tv show? the office!!!

82. Favourite movie? currently IT (2017)

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2? there’s a second one??

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street haven’t seen 21 Jump Street

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls? gretchen weiners

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo? the pelican, i don’t remember his name

87. First person you talked to today? my mom, and she yelled at me whee

88. Last person you talked to today? the pushovers group chat (or my dad irl)

89. Name a person you hate this bitchy girl at my school

90. Name a person you love wyatt oleff xo

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face rn? aforementioned bitchy girl

92. In a fight with someone? not currently

93. How many sweatpants do you own? not enough

94. How many sweats/hoodies do you own? not enough

95. Last movie you watched? It for the fifth time oops

[r-ei]

i was tagged by @meii-u thanks loser ;D

1. do you have a good relationship with your parents? most of the time, they’re pretty passive, but sometimes they can be unreasonable or misunderstand me but i think that’s just how parents are lol

2. who did you last say “i love you” to? idk but i think it was to emi’s cats

3. do you regret anything? i regret not doing a lot of things because i lack confidence and motivation…oh and procrastinating in school

4. are you insecure? hell yeah bih

5. what is your relationship status? married to the game (art lol)

6. how do you want to die? i was reading my old journals and i said i wanted to die in a zombie apocalypse, the statement holds true (actually painlessly lying in the rain as violins play)

7. what did you last eat? i had a lilokoi cheesecake slice! (it wasn’t very good though)

8. played any sports? i did cheer leading in 2nd and 3rd grade if that counts

9. do you bite your nails? no i do not, my habits are rubbing my hands together, and playing with my hair

10. when was your last physical fight? probably with my brother a long time ago, i hit one of my ex-boyfriend’s face in freshmen year though omg he really pissed me off

11. do you like someone? i like my friends! no romance atm~

12. have you ever stayed up 48 hours? no i’m weak

13. do you hate anyone at the moment? ‘merican pres y'all ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

14. do you miss someone? sometimes my old friends i don’t talk to anymore, and my dog coco!

15. have any pets? no, there’s stray cat’s at my grandma’s house but they run away from me! my mom has a toy poodle but I don’t live with her

16. how exactly are you feeling at the moment? bored and hopeful

17. ever made out in the bathroom? oh god nooo

18. are you scared of spiders only when they’re huge and moving towards me

19. would you go back in time if you were given the chance? definitely! i’d change a lot of things and experience all the fun parts again~

20. where was the last place you snogged someone? i really don’t like that term but 3-4 years ago at my ex-boyfriend’s house~ freshman me got the most action ;;

21. what are your plans for this weekend? draw, exercise, whatever comes up

22. do you want to have kids? how many? i don’t think i’ll ever want kids unless they’re adopted, and if i have a good amount of time and money

23. do you have piercings? how many? two, one on each ear

24. what is/are/were your best subject(s)? art, english (not punctuations), and history

25. do you miss anyone from your past? my teachers and some of my old friends

26. what are you craving right now? to finally watch voltron season 3!!! and that outback bread *eyeballs emi*

27. have you ever broken someone’s heart? freshman me broke a few~ now i just break my own heart ahhh

28. have you ever been cheated on? through texting?

29. have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry? i found out they cried after i broke up with them ;; (y'all dodged a bullet though trust me)

30. what’s irritating you right now? these questions reminding me i’m not good with relationships?!

31. does somebody love you? i would hope my family and friends do!

32. what is your favorite color? pastel lavender (ccccff code)

33. do you have trust issues? sometimes, i mostly don’t trust myself to not screw something up though lol

34. who/what was your last dream about? i dreamt i gave money to a thief before they tried to steal it and helped him/her escape, then suddenly i was walking in a forest and there was a strange noise and the thief was there and told me something bad was coming to destroy the forest so i started running but omg dream running is hard and the thief said it was too late so i asked them to help me escape, they said it was impossible, but i kept begging and they finally agreed and the scene changed and we were in a neighborhood. it was a pretty cool idea for a story!

35. who was the last person you cried in front of? my high school counselor

36. do you give out second chances too easily? depends on the relationship and their reputation with me? i sort of weigh that with whatever they did wrong

37. is it easier to forgive or forget forgiving because i remember bad things easily ;;

38. is this the best year of your life? it’s been boring and super disappointing! i’m hoping next year will be better~

39. how old were you when you had your first kiss? 14 and it was awkward

40. have you ever walked outside completely naked? omg no why would i

41. favorite food? this is hard since i love drinks and desserts (unhealthy boi) but i love my mom’s cooking it’s the best (especially the filipino dishes!) her pork adobo, pancit, banana lumpia, curry, and custard, oh god i’m making myself hungry ;; i could always go for california rolls and crêpes though!

42. do you believe everything happens for a reason? nah shit just happens (technically everything happens for a reason just not in the mystical fate sense) semantics smh

43. what is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? i was reading my cringy old stories from middle school

44. is cheating ever okay? nope, only to thicken a bad romance plot

45. are you mean? i try to be nice and polite unless someone does something really bad (this was the year i realized i’d never be able to like everyone, there’s a lot of scumbags in the world smh)

46. how many people have you fist fought? zero! just in my head~

47. do you believe in true love? sometimes? i’m sure it exists if you can find the right algorithm

48. favorite weather? thunderstorms (when i’m at home) or breezy fair weather

49. do you like the snow? i’d like to see it and play with it but not live with it

50. do you want to get married? too soon to tell

51. is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby? maybe to other people but not me

52. what makes you happy? wifi, friends, food, art, music, happy endings in real life, seeing people do good things for others, funny posts, weekends, traveling, taking good photos, perfect eyeliner

53. would you change your name? yeah! it would take a long time to decide though, i’d probably just make my name “rae” or something with a cool sound/meaning

54. would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed? yeah since we haven’t spoken in years and left on bad terms and he lives in nevada or california now

55. your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? kindly friend zone them (it’s not worth risking a best friend) 56. do you have a friend of the opposite sex that you can act your complete self around? maybe? i can barely act myself around most of my friends regardless of gender!

57. who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to? the guy in t-mobile lmao

58. who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? emi gets all the deep convos

59. do you believe in soulmates? yes! i think they can form in any relationship whether it’s a friend, family member, or significant other! (hope that doesn’t sound creepy? i just mean someone on the same wavelength, who really gets you)

60. is there anyone you would die for? depends on the way i’d have to die, i’d probably do it for my close friends and family! or idk someone who’s got a cure for a terrible disease?

tagging: @emis if you want boi~

[thiccandmentallysicc]

Get to know me:

Tagged by talented/total babe @offansandflames ♡

Rules: answer 92 83 statements (i skipped some boring ones srry), tag whomever you please.

THE LAST. 1. Drink: pabst blue ribbon, yes im white trash 2. Phone call: mom 3. Text message: my bestfriend 4. Song you listened to: keaton henson, to your health 5. Time you cried: erm a lil yesterday but like deep convo tears

HAVE YOU: 6. Dated someone twice?: a relit ciggarette never tastes the same 7. Kissed someone and regretted it?: Not enough to recall at the moment. 8. Been cheated on?: I haven’t taken many partners, so to my knowledge, no? 9. Lost someone special?: Yes 10: Been depressed: :,) 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: my life from 15-19 tbh, not in the party, neurotypical fashion more along the Wtf Pls exPlain type way or for shits n giggles

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS: 12-14. Baby pink and blue, black.

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU: 15. Made new friends?:Yes if online counts? Very beautiful and enchanting spirits who i already love 16. Fallen out of love?: never do if its real, cuz im a romantic//also think u always care a little for those you really loved 17. Laughed until you cried?: yesterday actually like rllllly good because my girl dropped her entire jug of wine right before opening it. The universe flicked us off dirty. 18. Found out someone was talking about you?: Yeah, some good, some bad, some wild. Idk. 19. Met someone who changed you?: Yes some beautifully, made me fonder, some not so lovely but thats ok (try to make it ok) 20. Found out who your friends are?: I have fucking one bestfriend who i hold to that certain standard shes my lover/ soul mate and weve been through a fucking ride n shes still my number one. If others let me down i find ways to make it bittersweet. 21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list?: yus GENERAL 22. How many Facebook friends do you know in real life?: Idk some r family and people from all the schools i went to. I dont care for facebook much. 23. Do you have any pets?: one black, perfect cat with lil rays of auburn going down her back, i named her clementine. Also 4 dumb n rlly cute dogs live with me. I like one a lot, Luna, shes my princess. (Yes i admit favorites idgaf/ she also knows she’s my fav n takes advantage) 24. Do you want to change your name?: mydad originally wanted to name me Xena (after xena princess warrior) whom i developed an intense crush on later. 25. What did you do for you last birthday?: yo lol i dont know i turned 22 i just had drinks and smoked with my bestfriend 26. What time did you wake up?: didnt check, i usually wake up multiple times n go back to sleep If i can 27. What were you doing midnight last night?: either in my gfs car or just getting home 28. Name something you can’t wait for?: my classes to start again, mini roadtrip to Gainesville and maybe being able to see my little cousin soon. 29. When was the last time you saw your mom?: lik e 2 seconds ago. 30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life?: sjdufjekwns 31. What are you listening to right now?: Keaton Henson 32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom?: lol nah not that i remember 33. Something that’s getting on your nerves?: the state of the Union, how 2 get my smol dogs to stop barking, why do ppl have to live w abusers and when will my witch powers allow me to cast them off into The Void, my general discomfort n lack of motivation. To casually name a few ,, 34. Most visited website?: ao3, Tumblr RANDOM SHIT: 35. Mole/s?: lol?? Moles can b cute, i have a few. 36. Mark/s?: plenty, one in particular tho i have on my upper forehead not like harry potter sttle unfortunately, its all hidden near my scalp 37. Childhood dream?: i always wanted to do something that would let me swim with humpback whales in natural habitat ofcourse or track the lives n rituals of wolves and then i was like mayb ill just be aschool counsler, all of which i still kinda wana do. 38. Hair color?: blonde 39. Long or Short hair?: i have medium length hair but i like both 40. Do you have a crush on someone?: I literally always have a crush on someone, idk crushes to me means you make me happy and blushy and if you make me laugh, i crush. 41. What do you like about yourself?: i could say i like how i am when im with someone i love. N that some ppl are able to confide in me, id say my empathy but idk i can be a fuckface too. 42. Piercings?: tongue I got snakebites, industrial, bellybutton, reg ol ear piercings too. 43. Bloodtype?: i dont know o.O 44. Nickname?: cookie monster when i was younger, lali, lion, coocoomanga(my dad) renren, rin, my mom says lil shit endearingly and i got the habit. 45. Relationship status?: basically married 46. Zodiac sign?: Aries 47. Pronouns?: She/they 48. Favorite t.v show?: i binge and am not ashamed, supernatural, classic spongebob, south park, parks n rec, modern fam, a haunting, me and my mom watch ancient aliens 2gether , Steven Universe, Adventure Time, the fucking x files, malcolminthemiddle, etc, my animes as well are all shoved in here in my heart. Naruto/free/haikyuu/oourans host club/ HxH etc 49. Tattos: 5 and one on the way, matching one with my love 50. Right or left hand: Righty most def 51. Surgery?: luckily no 52. Hair dyed in different colors?: I maintain the blonde i had at like six, its naturally dirty brownish? At one point i dyed it platinum tho 53. Sport?: In my anime MORE GENERAL 54. I’m about to?: Finish some arts and crafts for some letters im making (: and then a smol walk 55. Waiting for?: some inspo, 56. Get married?: its not very important to me. But if my partner became passionate about it i would be rite there w em 57. Career?: I’m majoring in psychology/minor in education WHICH IS BETTER? 58. Hugs or kisses?: depends on who but I’m a sap for both 59. Lips or eyes?: Eyes, give me them soulful orbs 60. Shorter or taller?: no preference 61. Older or younger?: You can be a shithead at any age, so no preference. 62. Nice arms or nice stomach?: eh,, not sure to be honest. I love hands and forearms, so i suppose arms? 63. Sensitive or loud?: u gotta be both at least every now and then. Either extreme will be bothersome though 64. Hook up or relationship?: eh past experiences make hook ups generally uncomfortable n left me feeling ace/aceromantic for a good portion of my teen yrs but im not impartial 65. Troublemaker or hesitant: ive calmed down but im not hesitant unless my gut says so HAVE YOU EVER? 66. Kissed a stranger?: yes 67. Drank hard liquor?: yes 68. Lost glasses/contacts?: glasses, yes. 69. Turned someone down?: as a chick in miami ¿¿¿ of fucking course 70. Sex on the first date?: lol yes 71. Broken someone’s heart?: seems dramatic i dont feel like i have sincerely done that, just hurt them. 72. Had your heart broken?: In a way mostly by close friends / family 73. Been arrested?: when i was 15 for dumb shit like trespassing 74. Cried when someone died?: yes 75. Fallen for a friend?: i crush on all my friends because i love alot DO YOU BELIEVE IN: 76. Yourself?: Yes because Rock Lee would want me to 77. Miracles?: i think miracles are a byproduct of a fucking amazing universe. 78. Love at first sight?: i think of it as a magnetic pull n interest not love 79. Santa Clause?: i fucking love christmas, idgaf 80. Kiss on the first date?: yup OTHER 81. Current bestfriend?: @mariekankerr 7 years n countin babe 82. Eyecolor?: blue 83. Favorite Movie?: Lilo and Stitch, Pulp Fiction, The Iron Giant, A Fish Called Wanda, Murder By Death, Knights of the Round Table, mel brooks in general, The Changeling (bt like the oroginal one not w Angelina jolie it came out in like the 90s?) Spirited Away, Clue, Hot Chicks, A Bronx Tale I tag: @shamelesssasukestan @hotmessmuffin @narutoandsasukearecanon and i suck at this so just go for it and tag me so i can lurk on u

[crazykendal]

Bored, Single, and Dead

1. What was on your mind mostly today? MOVING ON from some people and why my right arm feels fucking wierd

2. If someone looked on your bed, what would they find? oh shit idkk

3. What’s on your schedule for tomorrow? im going to Tahoe

4. Are you nice to everyone? no

5. Is it possible to be single and happy? for me, no

6. Is it easy for people to make you cry? no but once someone made me cry when I heard them SING for the first time YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE

7. Did you sleep alone last night? I had a sleepover with my sister

8. Do you play with dead bugs? ew no wtf

9. Honestly, are you dating two people? im not even dating one person wth

10. Do you think things will change in the next 3 months? yeah, im going to be dead ass lonely or dead

11. Have you ever slept in the same bed with someone other than family?   nooo

12. Do you want to see somebody right now? yeaahhhh

13. What if you had a baby with the person you like? that's not physically possibly

14. Are you happy? not right now nope

15. Have you ever tripped in public? trippin is my game

16. Is there anyone who doesn’t like you? I sometimes think everone secretly hates me

17. Have you ever sat in the back of a police car? nope

18. Are you stubborn? veRY

19. Do you tend to hold a grudge? yeah, and it can get baddd

20. What’s a fact about the last person that texted you?   oh, well.. they're a scammer

21. Has anyone called you perfect before? nope

22. Where is the biggest scar on your body? my left ankle. I shaved a huge chunk of my skin off and it was baddddd haha

23. Have you ever been told you were amazing? no

24. Would you date someone who was addicted to drugs?

immediate no

25. Are you trying to avoid liking somebody at the moment? well guess what YES and its killlling me

26. Do you trust all your friends? no I cant trust any of them 27. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you? haha well yeah

28. What pissed you off today? my sister scratches up my arms and it looks like ive tried to cut myself or something

29. What was the last thing you cried about? this one person

30. Who was the last girl you talked to? ^^ same person as ^^

31. Do you know anyone who drinks a lot? no

32. Who sits next to you in English? SCHOOLS OUT BITCHES

33. Ever talked to someone who was drunk? no

34. Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today? yes everything is about them and its driving me crazy

35. How late did you stay up last night and why? I stayed up til 12:30 reenacting Stranger Things scenes with gummy bears with my sister.

36. Do you know how to properly use grammar in a sentence?   kinda? 37. Are your parents very protective of you? yeah

38. Will you be in a relationship in the next couple months? I fukin wish

39. How many drugs are in your system?   can a Capri Sun count

40. The person who hurt you the most calls and needs you, do you go? bitch no

41. Is it easy to pretend everything’s okay for you? yeah, I do it every day

42. Are you afraid of losing the last person you talked to on the phone? uh that was my dad, so sure

43. Do you think you are a good person? oh god no, if hell existed i’d be going there

44. What do you want right this second? I WANT A FUCKING RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE

45. Do you think it makes him weak if a guy cries? no

46. Have you ever cried cause you were so mad? yeah

47. Could you last in a relationship for over a year?   yes

48. Who were you with on your birthday? i don't really remember or care 49. Have you ever crawled through a window? I feel like I have but don't remember

50. First person to talk to you in 2014? how the fuck am I supposed to remember that, it was 3 years ago

51. Do you miss your past? Not really but I dont regret meeting some sweet ass people

52. It’s 4 in the morning, your phone rings, who is it? a telemarketer, I have like no friends so no one ever checks up on me, by the time someone does I might be dead.

53. Do you have anything interesting planned for the next week? VIDCON I get to meet Sara Rubin, Ashly Perez, Allison Raskin, Gaby Dunn, Stephanie Frosch, and Bria and Crissy and maybe Simply Nailogical haha

54. Who was the last person to text you?

scammmmmmmmer

55. What were you doing 4 hours ago? i dont remember

56. Is there a certain song that you can’t stop listening to atm? Secrets by The Weeknd

57. Tell me 3 things that your friends don’t know about you. well well well I cant say

58. What is something that people often give to you as a gift? honestly nothing

59. Do you tend to hold on to a lot of stuff you don’t need, just because it has sentimental value? yeah then a month later I can get rid of it

60. What is something that reminds you of your ex?

well guess what i havent even dated at all so nop

61. Has the last person you kissed ever cried in your arms? my cat Bub has not cried in my arms

62. Which would you prefer to receive as a gift - flowers or chocolate? chocolate

63. When did you last take a shower/bath? Do you wash your hair every time? I took a shower like 2 hours ago, yeah I was my hair every time.

64. Would you prefer to be somewhere else right now? yep

65. Do any of your followers on Tumblr have your phone number? yeahh

66. Will you be going out tonight, or staying in? staying in listening to Alone by halsey because it’s relatable.

67. How many times have you been in love? ONCE and maybe I still am but I need to fix it BECAUSE SOMEONE ISNT GOING TO MY HIGH SCHOOL NEXT YEAR and im going to be so fcked and messed up so pray for me

68. If you were heartbroken, who would help you pick up the pieces? ususally myself of this one friend I have she’s cool and she bacically proved I was bi. No it’s not you olivia sorry dude

69. Apparently, it’s very common to crave chocolate around the ‘time of the month’; do you ever get that craving? no

70. How would you feel about dating someone who had a reputation for being a player in the past? Do you think that players will ALWAYS be players, or is it possible that they can change? I’d give them a chance but idk Ive nvr fcking dated at all so whaat

71. Did you sleep well last night? sure

72. Is your bedroom big enough for you? sure

72. Are you looking forward to seeing someone soon? imexited to see Sara Rubin on Friday because she actually screwed up my love life and I dont even want to get started with that because it’s actually funny but will make me cry.

73. Ever had a one-night stand? nope

74. Is anyone flirting with you? I wish

75. Have you ever felt pressure to do anything you didn’t want to, like smoking, drinking, or losing your virginity, before you were ready for it? If so, how did you deal with that? all the time, like when the teacher tells us to do homework like wth hahahahahahaahaha idk

76. Do you consider yourself to be an intelligent person? Why/why not? no im really stupid and can have absolutely no common sense its actually really funny

77. Who would you most like to be stuck in a lift with? Ashley Nicolette Frangipane

78. Is there anyone you’d HATE to be stuck in a lift with? oh my god yeah like the chick who plays Enid in the walking dead, and like my whole school.

79. When did you last talk to the person you love/like? What did you talk about? pff what lemme look... a hour and a half ago ahahahahahah

80. Have you ever seen your father cry? no

81. How would your parents react if you got pregnant? well i dont know because I dont really want kids

82. Do you/did you keep to your school’s uniform/dress code? sure

83. If the last person you kissed said you were the only one they wanted, would you believe them? Bub is a mean cat to my other cats and I wouldnt believe it

84. What was the highlight of your summer? cant rememeber

85. The last time you threw up, was it because you were hungover? idk

86. Have you ever seen the film ‘Wake Wood’? What did you think of it? never heard of it

87. Are you confused about anything atm? Is there anything bothering you? Or, is everything good? some people and their lies

88. If you say ‘I’ve had enough’ or ‘I’m done’, do you always mean it? no haha

89. Who was the last person that invited you to their house? honeslty scammer because I have no other friends

90. Have your parents ever told you about any alternative names they considered for you, or the name they would have chosen, if you’d turned out to be a boy? ASHLEY

91. Are you friends with any of your exes? n/a

92. Have you ever had to make an emergency phone call?

no

93. If you’re in a relationship, how is it going? If you’re single, are you looking for someone? *cries*

94. What language do you like the sound of? english ;)

95. Think about the last guy, outside of family, that you had a conversation with. Do you find him sexy? ew no wtf

96. What do you think is an assumption that someone could make about you, just by looking at your Tumblr? Would this assumption be correct? idk

97. What’s the most attractive physical feature of the person you love/like? HA I’d rather not write an essay right now

98. Do you consider yourself to be a strong person? Why/why not? .kindaaa?

99. Tell me about a special moment you’ve had with the person you love/like. just convos

100. What are you doing tomorrow? Im going to tahoe

[hopevalegame]

January 13 2019

Robo-San update:

Today ended up being a day of strategizing. No pixels or music was made but that’s okay. I think it was more productive than if I’d been doing those.

- I got out of bed at 14:05. I was feeling too sick  earlier on (light fever, nausea, stomach pains). Probably side effects of probiotics (on day 6). I expect I’ll start to feel better pretty soon once I’ve gotten used to them.

- I ate oatmeal cookies that Robo-chan made the night before. Took a bath.

- I read about probiotics, diet and the gut brain connection for a while. Pondered on the fact that 90 % of our bodies serotonin is produced in the stomach by bacteria. Since I so often feel strong feelings of anxiety for no obvious reasons, this is really something I will have to fully investigate in 2019. Even if the probiotics end up not helping me out, I want to keep experimenting through the year until I find a definitive solution to both the stomach pains and the anxiety. The likelihood that they could both be solved at once seems... likely.

- 17:00: Ate my second meal (oatmeal) , cleaned out the fridge and washed dishes.

-18:20: Listening to the book ‘’Hyperfocus’’ with Robo-chan

-19:30: Food! (Cereals (getting a little lazy with the cooking which I suppose is fine while I’m getting used to the pill. Every meal no matter how healthy ends in pain anyhow, so...)). Broke a third commitment for the day right there by eating too late (the first one was waking up too late, second getting started too late) but this one doesn’t make much sense when I get to bed at 2 a.m I realized. I shouldn’t eat 4 hours before bed but anytime before is fair game.

20:00: Listening to Hyperfocus and exercise

_____________

Change of plans: Hyperfocus made me think about how, if I want to experience the state of flow more often, I should focus on one task through the day. Whichever task I consider to be the most urgent. It’s been my experience that my most productive days have been the ones where I truly just focused on one thing and was completely absorbed into it. So, yesterday I’d planned on doing three different things but I’m not doing that anymore. Everyday will either be a pixel day or a music day and it will be decided the day prior which it will be.

I definitely consider pixels to be the most urgent thing to get this project made so I’ll be doing quite a lot more pixel days than music days.

Hyperfocus also made me realize that I need to be more specific in my goals. So, I’m gonna start being specific right now and state my intentions for the next few months (over 6 months) concerning pixel art.

Music will require further thinking and I’ll be writing my musical intents at some point in one of the days to come.

Pixel goals for the first half of 2019. In order:

Note: I’m only sticking to autumn assets until everything is made for the first season of the game.

First -  Get very good at wood textures and make a tree stump and fallen log (one is a cylindrical shape and one is a cylindrical shape on its side (with moss and everything, add a rotten core, etc.)) and to make the tree stump as beautiful as possible: mushroom (little red mushrooms that pops out, mushrooms that only grow on dead trees, flowers, grasses (all things that can go on or around the tree stump). It’s hard to predict these things but I’ll say this should keep me busy for 2 weeks (I expect I’ll be slow at first then pick up speed).

Second - Once I've made the tree stump as close to perfection as I can, I will need to become an expert at leaves textures. Then I can make a bush. First I make fallen leaves, a pile of leaves, then I'll be ready to make the bush (spherical shape), make some berry bushes, all sorts of bushes. Let’s say this will take me 1 week.

Third - Once I've gotten great at both of those, I can start making trees. A tree is basically a log with a bush on top but I have to get really good at both of those elements to be able to combine them. Hope Vale will have LOTS of trees. Lots and lots of them of many different kinds and sizes. I will easily spend 8 weeks making all the trees for fall only.

Fourth - Once I've made the trees I’m going to move on to rocks. For this I'll have to get good at stone texture and get good at handling items with multiple shapes in the same object. I’ll give this 2 weeks.

Fifth - Then, and only then, will I start working on the tiles. Only the nature tiles for now, including sand and leaving the water tiles for last (not including the water animation, animations will start towards the very end). This doesn’t include height tiles Let’s give this one 4 weeks maybe.

Sixth - Then, I'll be making cliff and hill tiles to create heights. 1 week maybe?

Seventh - At this point, I can move on to making the peripheral forest which will fence off the north and west sides of Hope Vale and will have a different look than the game space to let the player know that these areas are off limits (darker, more overgrown, etc). I’ll estimate this at 4 weeks.

Eight - After this, I can create the bridges. The first bridge will be the entrance bridge to Hope Vale which will be made of stone and under which Roger Dodger will live. The second bridge will be made of logs and will be connecting Loon island to the mainland. 2 weeks

So, if my count is right, that would be how much I would accomplish in the next 6 months but I might have horribly low balled how much work all of this requires. I’m just a beginner so these estimates are shots in the dark really. But I suppose it’s better to shoot for the stars and land on the moon or... whatever the expression is.

I’ll continue on but I'll start being less precise now because there's not much point planning past 6 months when it comes to this sort of thing.

Ninth - Once all of that is made I will create my first building. It will be Clyde's house since it will be made of logs and I will have gotten very good at wood textures. 3 weeks for the first house seems fair.

Tenth - Then, to make the other houses, and trailers, I will need to practice metal textures. For this I will start with metal objects (I'll probably start with objects that would be laying around outside of Clyde's house (I'll be leaving the insides for much later). Non exhaustive list of objects (in no particular order yet) include: A bucket, a rake, barrels (on Lance Crutchfield's property and dumped in the lake), bells and wind chimes (Which I will animate and have them make noise eventually), metal fences, a shed (Clyde will have a metal shed), metal lighting devices, etc. Let’s give all of this (including the shed) 4 weeks I guess?

Eleventh - Once I've made enough metal objects I'll be ready to start doing all the other buildings. Let’s say 20 weeks.

Twelve- Once I've made all the buildings, I'll make every outside objects that I didn’t get to already. 2 weeks.

Thirteen - Then I can move on to the insides. 16 weeks.

Fourteen - Once I've made the insides, I can make every single one of the cutscene locations for fall (prison, interrogation room, etc). 4 weeks.

Fifteen -  Once that's done I can make the characters standing in every directions but not animated (including the animals). 12 weeks.

Sixteen - Then I can make the UI for the game, the inventory screen, the character convo boxes (minus the portraits obviously) etc. 3 weeks.

Seventeen - Then I can start working on simple animations (Bells, wind chimes, fire, leaves falling from tree, etc). Then move on to animate the water and the waterfalls etc. And finally, I can animate the characters. First their walking animations, then every other animation that we'll need including the animals. 1 year for all the animations.

Eighteen - And, for the very end, I'll create the assets for all other 3 seasons (winter, spring and finally summer). 24 weeks.

I've probably missed some things but that's essentially it. So, by my count, this adds up to 164 weeks which is 3 years and 2 months which sounds about right since we’re hoping to get this done in 4 years or so. I’ve probably overestimated some things and underestimated some (number eighteen I’m especially unsure about), but that doesn’t really matter. Better a bad plan than no plan at all.

And, of course, during that time I’ll also have made the music and the writing along with Robo-chan.  

Alright so my pixel goals for the next 6 months are established. I now know with a lot more clarity what to aim for.

So, for tomorrow’s goal, I’m dropping all the lifestyle crap for a little while for as long as I’m still in pain from the treatment. No getting up at x hour or eating at y or bed at z for the time being. My only goal for January 14th 2019 is:

Make 3 tree stumps. At least. And show your progress on this site. No matter how dreadfully bad you are.

That will be all.

I didn’t respect my plans today but what I did instead, thinking, was a lot better, I think. So I’m giving myself a passing grade for today. Because, thankfully, I’m the only arbiter here and no one, not even Robo-chan, can do anything to stop this mad lad right here, hehehe ;)

Today’s grade: 

6/10  ...   >:)

Robo-san signing off. Feeling particularly optimistic about life at this moment in time.

- Robo-san

Robo-chan update:

Once again a terrible night of sleep. Fell asleep around 5 am, slept until 8 waking up with nightmares and back to sleep again around 12 until 3 PM. Tonight I’ll be writing with Robo-san so I won’t break any of the rules.

The best day so far in terms of exercise. I’m really pumped up with how quickly I’ve improved my cardio and weight resistance exercises.

Tomorrow I intend to make it a really great day of work. Robo-san has me very pumped up with all the planning he’s been doing so now that I’m getting comfortable in my workout routine I think I’ll be able to go heavy and hard with work as well!

I just need a little bit of luck with sleep tonight.

- Robo-chan

[whitefx]

I’m doing what no one wanted or asked me to do :D

1. Who was the last person you held hands with? My ex?? 

2. Are you outgoing or shy? Both 

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? Uhh friends. hopefully. Um family friends coming to visit.. i’m not sure bc i’m becoming a social recluse and apologize for everything i do.  Oh and my college classmates I met last week, they seem super coolio.

4. Are you easy to get along with? I’d like to think so

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you? Idk, I hope so?

6. What kind of people are you attracted to? Guys, Gals, and nonbinary pals. Idk people with good personalities, nerds, soft features, again, nerds.

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? I highly doubt it

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind? Uh? No one right now?

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? Thats a yes and no answer. I’m okay with it but at the same time because I don’t know much of how sex works it sort of does? 

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? Not sure. I don’t do deep convos often, the closet thing i’ve gotten is when I angrily told someone I’ve been wanting to die for the past few days, and that was a good month or two ago. I don’t usually do deep convos, I usually talk to myself about that jazz. 

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?

“Nice Nice”

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now? 

Sharp Edges by Linkin Park, Heavy By Linkin Park, One more light Linkin park, Save by Tyler Joseph, Falling too by Tyler Joseph 

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair? Yess 

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles? Eh, not really 

15. What good thing happened this summer? I started a college class. (summer legit just started)

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? Likely not, as I doubt she wants to talk to me ever again. 

17. Do you think there is life on other planets? Maybe 

18. Do you still talk to your first crush? Yes? 

19. Do you like bubble baths? I would if my tall large body would fit in the bath tub

20. Do you like your neighbors? I do, more or less nice 

21. What are you bad habits? Eating food all the time, scratching at my skin, keeping in my emotions

22. Where would you like to travel? The uk! 

23. Do you have trust issues? Yes and no. I trust too easily but at the same time I have a hard time trusting at all 

24. Favorite part of your daily routine? Sleeping

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? My chest/weight

26. What do you do when you wake up? Check my phone for the time

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? Darker 

28. Who are you most comfortable around? My friend Ridge I think? I’m awkward around him once again bc i’ve been out of contact with him for a while and only recently got back to talking to him, otherwise i’ve become really uncomfortable socially around people

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up? Not yet. 

30. Do you ever want to get married? Some day

31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail? Nah not anymore

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with? Good question?? I’m not too into sex?? and I can’t remember/don’t know names very well. 

33. Spell your name with your chin. Nah fam

34. Do you play sports? What sports? I used to do Tae Kwon Do, but not for awhile 

35. Would you rather live without TV or music? Tv probably. 

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? Probably? Not sure?? 

37. What do you say during awkward silences? So... 

38. Describe your dream girl/guy? A nerd, a nerd in shows, video games, movies etc, soft features, cuddly and understanding of emotions, someone a bit taller than me, someone who understands that I get anxious quite easily and wont force me to do things that make me uncomfy.  

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in? Hottopic, Spencers, JC Penny, Michaels, idk I don’t shop that often. 

40. What do you want to do after high school? Get my two year degree, get a job in that process, move out. 

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? I do, but I give a billion chances when I shouldn’t. 

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean? I’m overthinking, i’m doing art, listening to music, i’m angry. 

43. Do you smile at strangers? I do. 

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean? Ocean 

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? The fear of my parents checking on me, thus seeing my disaster of a room and then being like, get yo room clean, no pc til room clean, and the possibility of being teased at/ told off for sleeping so much.. 

46. What are you paranoid about? Everything tbh.. like fuck.. It makes things hard and it makes some friends disappointed bc I can be super fucking paranoid. 

47. Have you ever been high? Yep. 

48. Have you ever been drunk? Not yet

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? I don’t know.

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore? Dark blue 

51. Ever wished you were someone else? Yea 

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself? My weight 

53. Favourite makeup brand? Idk 

54. Favourite store? Spencers 

55. Favourite blog? Idk 

56. Favourite colour? Dark Navy Blue 

57. Favourite food? A good question 

58. Last thing you ate? Cheese cake 

59. First thing you ate this morning? Cheesecake 

60. Ever won a competition? For what? I don’t think so 

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what? Not yet 

62. Been arrested? For what? Haha no 

63. Ever been in love? I don’t know.. My last relationship was long distance and I started feeling nothing, kind of numb towards my ex, even when I went to see her it was sort of there sort of not.. So I don’t think so. 

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss? My ex got on the couch to be taller than me and we kissed. 

65. Are you hungry right now? No

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends? Idk 

67. Facebook or Twitter? Facebook  

68. Twitter or Tumblr? tumblr 

69. Are you watching tv right now? No 

70. Names of your bestfriends? I don’t know who my bestfriends are anymore because of the stupidity thats fucking ruined my life for the past year. Theres on person, her name is Kaylee 

71. Craving something? What? Cuddles :( 

72. What colour are your towels? Creme-coloured 

72. How many pillows do you sleep with? 6? 

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? Yes 

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have? On my bed, there’s 5, in general thats a good question 

75. Favourite animal? Owls 

76. What colour is your underwear? Blue plaid 

77. Chocolate or Vanilla? Chocolate 

78. Favourite ice cream flavour? Green Tea 

79. What colour shirt are you wearing? Blue gray? 

80. What colour pants? Blue 

81. Favourite tv show? Lucifer or spn 

82. Favourite movie? Spirited Away 

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2? Mean Girls 

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street? Mean Girls 

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls? idk 

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo? Nemo 

87. First person you talked to today? My mom  

88. Last person you talked to today? Dunno yet 

89. Name a person you hate? Me, myself, and I, kind of jking, I don’t really HATE anyone?  

90. Name a person you love? A good question 

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? Nah 

92. In a fight with someone? Not at the moment 

93. How many sweatpants do you have? 1 

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have? 3? 

95. Last movie you watched? The Mummy 

96. Favourite actress? Idk 

97. Favourite actor? Idk 

98. Do you tan a lot? If I try to tan I have to burn my pale pale bod 

99. Have any pets? Yes 

100. How are you feeling? I’ve been better, def been worse. 

101. Do you type fast? I’d like to think so 

102. Do you regret anything from your past? Yea.. 

103. Can you spell well? More or less, when I care to pay attention 

104. Do you miss anyone from your past? Yes? 

105. Ever been to a bonfire party? Yea 

106. Ever broken someone’s heart? probably 

107. Have you ever been on a horse? Yea 

108. What should you be doing? nothing really 

109. Is something irritating you right now? yes 

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? no 

111. Do you have trust issues? I answered this earlier 

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of? sort of my sister? like I walked past her crying 

113. What was your childhood nickname? Randaloo 

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state? I’ve been to different states

115. Do you play the Wii? Sometimes 

116. Are you listening to music right now? Yes 

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup? Eh 

118. Do you like Chinese food? Yes 

119. Favourite book? Merry Christmas Alex Cross By James Patterson 

120. Are you afraid of the dark? Yes 

121. Are you mean? I don’t know, probably to some people.. 

122. Is cheating ever okay? No 

123. Can you keep white shoes clean? no 

124. Do you believe in love at first sight? maybe 

125. Do you believe in true love? i’d like to hope so 

126. Are you currently bored? always 

127. What makes you happy? bouldering, going out and hanging with friends, DOING something anything. 

128. Would you change your name? I sure plan on it. 

129. What your zodiac sign? Cancer 

130. Do you like subway? Yes 

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? Sister-zone her. 

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? I answered this already 

133. Favourite lyrics right now?  

“I'm holding on Why is everything so heavy? Holding on So much more than I can carry I keep dragging around what's bringing me down If I just let go, I'd be set free Holding on Why is everything so heavy? ” Heavy by Linkin Park 

134. Can you count to one million? No 

135. Dumbest lie you ever told? The lunch I had earlier I gave to my friend bc she didn’t have one. fml lol 

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? Closed 

137. How tall are you? 5′7 

138. Curly or Straight hair? I have curly hair 

139. Brunette or Blonde? Both 

140. Summer or Winter? Winter 

141. Night or Day? Night 

142. Favourite month? December 

143. Are you a vegetarian? Working on it 

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate? Milk 

145. Tea or Coffee? Both 

146. Was today a good day? I guess 

147. Mars or Snickers? Mars 

148. What’s your favourite quote? 

“I’m still figuring out who I am, but I know I’m not who I was” ~Brendon Urie 

149. Do you believe in ghosts? Yes 

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? “You take off your belt. And it happens again.”

That sounds bad out of context but its not a sexual book at all. 

[love-actually-is-allaround]

Sometimes you just gotta vent

I am so unbelievably frustrated with my best friend right now. Obviously I adore her, but that doesn't mean she isn't selfish AF sometimes, and this isn't even for my benefit it's for her poor boyfriend's. So Brianne and Kyle have been going out for 6 years, a long time yes, but unsure if this includes the month or so they broke up in their second year because Brianne doesn't like to think about that because it doesn't fit in with her fairytale romance, yes that's my girl. Keep in mind they are both older than me (Kyle just turned 30 and she'll be 26 in a few weeks), but ya...they've been together long enough that Kyle has started saving for a ring. Now obviously I know this because I'm the best friend and kind of Kyle's only friend in like a 30 mile radius, but did I find out from him telling me? Nope...I found out cuz my crazy best friend has already found his money envelope multiple times and has clearly counted the money because a few months ago he reached about a grand in savings. N mind you they live together on their own, so this is money he's been saving while paying for his half of the rent, his car bills, his debt, fun stuff for them to do, and whatever other amenities they need. And he'd only been saving for a month or so, so yeah, he was proud. What does my beautiful, spoiled best friend do? She picks up the envelope and goes, "Honey, I'm so proud. You're about a 4th of the way there!" Good. Freaking. Lord. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not one of those girls who's all "NO DIAMONDS, GIVE ME A TWIG WOVEN INTO A BAND N ILL BE HAPPY" like no. It's supposed to symbolize your love, you're supposed to wear it forever, and you want it to last and be good quality. So yes, it should be probs the nicest ring you own, but this is not what you say to your BF who's been busting his ass off. First of all, it shouldn't be anywhere that she can count it (I yelled at him about that) but honestly Brianne's kinda crazy n if really it's in their place she probably would have found it. But oh lord, so this sets them off into a fight cuz he's like "wtf how much do u want me to spend?!" And she's all "do you think I'm not worth that money?!" Uuugggghhhhhh. I've gotten this from both sides now and as per usual, it's a simple miscommunication as are like 96% of normal couple fights, and so naturally they both freak out to me and I have to calm them down and translate what the other person means. I placate them, brianne agrees to stop harping and Kyle continues to save. But it gets worse when she hangs with her mom. Again, I freaking LOVE Brianne's mom, but she like Brianne seem to have this whole "more money = love" mentality which is super fucked up. They start looking at potential rings to get an idea of what she'd want, fair. She also discusses how they have a family friend that can get them better quality rings for cheaper prices, awesome. But then when she comes home from that convo the price for the ring is now 5 grand and to make matters worse, a month later, Kyle texted me today to say now it's 6 grand. What the actual fuck?!? So I will talk to her about this and tell her to back the fuck off, cuz here's the thing: she never needs to know nor should she ever know the god damn price of her ring. Why does it freaking matter?!?!! If it's what she wants and what Kyle wants and it's gonna last however long, WHY DOES THE PRICE MATTER?! And here's where my best friend makes me wanna rip my hair out. In her head, that money = love thing, is real. She's so much about labels and I don't get why. I was shopping for her birthday today but I'm low on funds so I looked around charming Charlie's and target thinking "maybe I could get her a cute dress or nice shirts for work". But then I think, when have I ever seen her wear any of the clothes or accessories I've bought her? The answer: never, unless it's a label. It's sad that it's her mind set, but it seems to be. Idk who the fuck she's trying to impress, but it seems to be rubbing off on her poor boyfriend and I'm frustrated. This is not the way for them to start off a marriage and I cannot be there to couples counsel them every step of the way. An engagement ring is supposed to symbolize a promise to be together forever, a symbol of your love and devotion to one another, not a way to wave your hand around and be like "look how fucking loaded my boyfriend is!!!" I've legit heard her say stuff like "your ring / wedding are going to be so much better than mine" LIKE WHAT?! I'm no where near to that level! No one has ever liked me enough to be with me that long!! I haven't fucking been on a date since high school!!! Why would you compare a 6 year theoretically good relationship to my pathetic lack there of love life?! Clearly she's insecure, but I don't like why. Kyle has his faults, for sure, but he loves the crap out of her...he wouldn't have stuck with her for so long if he didn't. But fighting over how expensive a ring is doesn't bode well at all. What are you going to do when it's a house? Or kids??? This fundamental lack of understanding and communication within a relationship can doom it. Now they are not the kind of ppl who'll walk away, they're more the sweep our problems under the rug and complain to others kind of people. But that's worse!!! Those feelings can only bottle and fester until they explode and no one wants to be there when that happens, I just hope they grow the fuck up and actually have adult conversations and try to hear each other out and fix it. I just wish she knew how freaking good she has it. I'd give anything for some fucking affection. Like I don't need 5 or 6 grand anything, I'd just like a kind, fun boy to go do stuff with and really just snuggle up. I'm so fucking lonely it's not even funny! I have fantasies about fictional characters cause that's all I've got. The last real life boy I had a semi crush on is gay as the Fourth of July. So really, I just wish people would stfu and be grateful. I try to, but then I gotta deal with this. I'm exhausted and need to get up for work tomorrow, but this is the bullshit that is plaguing me. Le sigh, maybe one day she'll listen to me. Sorry for the rant, needed to happen.

[surveystodestressme]

156.

5000 Question Survey Pt. 36

3401. How well can you read between the lines when others are talking?

it depends

3402. Would you ever speak in front of your peers about peace and social injustice?

probably not

3403. Where does peace begin?

within

3404. Does America practice the ideals it preaches? If yes when and where? If not, why not?

no

3405. In conversations do you assume that you know what will be said? If yes, isn’t this a form of closing yourself off to new ideas?

sometimes but it depends on who i am talking to and what the convo is about

3406. In what ways are you closed minded?

i stereotype sometimes and don’t stray far from it

3407. do you prefer beans or rice?

rice.

3408. who’s a better tv dad?–dr. huxtable (bill cosby) or danny tanner?

danny tanner.

3409. detroit or new york?

never been to either

3410. What’s your favourite Star Wars movie?

the first one

3411. What’s your favourite Star Trek movie?

never seen any of them

3412. How about Batman? never seen any of them

Indiana Jones? ^

Lord of the rings? the first one

harry potter? prisoner of azkaban

star wars? already asked.

3413. If you could ask one question and one question only to the following people, what would that question be:

Saddam Hussain?

George W Bush? 9/11, whaddup with that?

John Lennon?

an alien? how did you come to be?

God? are you real?

Someone you knew who has died? what’s it like when you die?

Steven Speilberg?

JD Salinger?

3414. Have you seen AI (artificial intelligence)? nope

If yes, what were the beings at the end of the movie?

Do you see this as a possible future for humanity?

What’d you think in general?

3415. If a-l-k-a-s-e-l-t-z-e-r spells ‘relief’ how do you spell:

love? jack

happiness? sunflowers

evil? lemons

sexiness? jennifer anniston

yummy? food

3416. Have you ever been to a Broadway show?

nope

What one?

-

3417. Nighttime shows or matinees?

nighttime

3418. How are your family get-together, loud and rambunctious or quiet and formal?

loud, very loud.

3419. Would you be able to survive shipwrecked alone on a desert island?

probably not

3420. Speaking of islands, does Gilligan EVER get off his?

no idea.

3421. What movie has the BEST soundtrack?

i don’t know off the top of my head

3422. Do you ever go into chat rooms? If yes, what ones?

i used to when i was much younger

3423. Is english your first language? yes.

If not…How you say hello in your language:

another word in your language + english translation:

boob in your language:

3424. Make up a religion (make it up): people have already done plenty of that

what would it believe: anything

3425. Create your own country-

Name of country:

Ethnic background:

Language (make it up):

Other details:

3426. How would you celebrate these holidays?

Dogs in Politics day:

Magic circles day:

Be bald and free day:

National mole day:

Syliva plath day:

Increase your psychic powers day:

Waiting for the barbarians day:

Air day:

3427. -Why do you think Steve got kicked off Blue’s Clues:

i think it was for drugs

3428. Hooked on heroin or hooked on phonics?

what????

3429. -Have you ever taken an insanity quiz and said, “Hay, thats a good idea!”

no

3430. - Have you ever covered yourself in blood and layed down on the side of the road to make it look like you were in an accident? You don’t know what you’re missing.

nope.

3431. Can you flare your nostrils?

yup

3432. -do you want to swim in a vast lake of gatorade? or, any other beverage for that matter?

that sounds awful

3433. -have you ever sneezed at the same time everyday, consecutively, for over 3 months?

not that i know of

3434. -how did the first person discover that pigs feet would be so good that we call them a delicacy?

same way people discover other things would be good, eating them

3435. -why did the first person to ever eat pigs feet eat them?

because they were hungry probably

3436. -do you like the idea of 'like father, like son’?

i don’t have an opinion either way

3437. Put the following musical acts in order from best to worst by numbering them..(1 for best, 2 for 2nd best, etc… 20 for worst).

Avril: 2

Ashanti: 3

Joan Jett:

David Bowie: 8

the Bee Gees:

The Doors: 7

Tool:

DMX:

Iggy Pop:

Creed: 5

Weezer: 1

Ministry:

Thursday:

Kittie:

Adam Ant:

Rancid:

the Clash:

Led Zeppelin: 4

Moby:

Tom Waites: 6 only counted the ones i know

3438. Would you rather be an evil dictator or a sitcom family member?

sitcom family member.

3439. What is the wave of the future?

technology.

3440. What’s your favorite old movie (before 1990)?

the breakfast club

3441. When someone tells you that their significant other lives Really Far Away..do you ever suspect that they are single and making someone up?

nope

3442. Alaska or Hawaaii?

alaska

3443. Why did Kentucky Fried Chicken change their name to KFC?

it’s shorter

3444. What is there no place to hide from?

time

3445. Which makes you happier, giving presents or getting them?

giving.

3446. What can you never have just one of?

kitchen cooked potato chips

3447. What comes to mind when you think of Hulk Hogan?/

the wrestler.

3448. What would you be the patron saint of?

idek what that means

3449. Do you still look at the world with wonder like you did when you were a kid?

sometimes

3450. For 5 seconds clear your mind. Good. Now write the first thing that you can think of!:

greys

3451. When was the last time you ate too much?

a couple days ago

3452. Describe the sexiest person you can imagine:

i don’tneed to, i can just imagine it

3453. What have you seen that’s…bizzare?

several things

3454. Are there any stores or brands or products that you boycott? What and why?

not off the top of my head

3455. Do you want things to REALLY get out of control?

no.

3456. Are you too tense?

i can be

3457. Where would you be without love and bubblegum?

right where i am

3458. Why aren’t comic books popular anymore?

people don’t want to read anymore, i guess

3459. Think of one friend (who?): my boyfriend.

When is the last time you saw each other? today

Do they smoke? no

Do they believe in God? no

When you first saw this friend what was your impression? i thought he was really cute

Their age? 22

The top five things you think they think about? motorcycles, computers, me, video games, work

3460. Do you say what you mean? Do you mean what you say?

yes.

3461. Could you eat meat if you had to hunt it yourself?

yeah, if i had to

3462. Order from greatest to least importance: spirituality, creativity, intellect, great body, open-mindedness, magicalness, great dancer, interesting dresser, wit and cleverness, niceness, stability

intellect, niceness, open-mindedness, stability, wit & cleverness, creativity, spirituality, interesting dresser, magicalness, great body, great dancer

3463. Complete the sentence.

When a problem comes along You must: solve it

3464. Pick the two most important attributes for food– fast, cheap, tasty, healthy

tasty & healthy

3465. What do you think is the best metaphor for romantic relationships? (e.g. a car wreck, a cruise):

a rollercoaster.

3466. Kittens or no kittens, that is the question.

kittens

3467. Is gaining 15 lbs in a night possible?

no

3468. Do you get emotional watching movies?

all the time

3469. What makes you feel nostalgic?

looking at old photos.

3470. Do you feel like you’ve been misplaced?

no.

3471. Have you ever fought someone, just for fun?

no.

3472. What gives you an adrenaline rush?

carnival rides

3473. What would you do if you loved someone more than anything else, and you could never have them?

move on.

3474. Rank these events in order of best/most exciting to boring:

drinking and dancing to your favorite music at a club: 6

taking a walk in the woods and a bath in a stream: 8

having great sex: 5

winning the lottery (one mil):  1

getting followed home by a stray animal: 4

meeting someone interesting to talk to: 7

seeing your favorite band in concert:  3

seeeing a broadway show: 9

halloween: 2

3475. Can you keep a secret?

yes.

3476. Where is the tenderness?

in the heart.

3477. What’s one song you REALLY like from the:

30’s?

40’s?

50’s? good golly miss molly

60’s? sugar, sugar

70’s? dancing queen

80’s? livin on a prayer

90’s? no diggity

00’s? oops i did it again

3478. Would you rather have a video phone, an electric scooter, or a digital camera?

electric scooter

3479. If a ban on all violent video games was put into effect, would you be outraged by this decision?

absolutely because it’s ridiculous

3480. In your opinion, is violence in society inescapable? Why or why not?

yeah

3481. Have you ever mimicked a violent “action” from a video game you’ve played towards another person, whether it was to harm or just for play?

no.

3482. Do you believe the violent content in video games influences aggressive and/or violent behavior in younger children?

yeah, i feel like moreso on people who are too mature to understand.  i don’t think children should play violent video games because i don’t really think they can handle it.

3483. What makes life a bitter sweet symphony?

idk.

3484. Name four things that are AWESOME:

sleep, my family, having a roof over my head, and food

3485. What’s the most creative/funny answer you can come up with for this question: What are you doing?

watching greys anatomy... not really creative or funny but that’s what i’m doing

3486. Can you imagine this world going on without you?

yes.

3487. Are you the only person who really exists?

nope

3488. Is everyone else a figment of your imagination?

nope

3489. Or are YOU a figment of my imagination?

maybe.

3490. Can you prove you exist? How?

yes, my birth certificate.

3491. What do you HAve to get off your chest?

nothing at the moment.

3492. If you cheated on someone would you confess to them?

yes.

3493. Is it true that at least 5 people in this world love you so much they would die for you? Who?

yeah, i guess so?  my siblings, parents, and boyfriend

3494. Are you in therapy?

i used to be a while ago

3495. Do you go shopping on black friday?

nope

3496. What is the bane of your existence?

rude people.

3497. Better movie: Weird Science or Caddy Shack?

weird science

3498. Who’s the big winner?

me.

3499. What are the 3 funniest:

music videos? i don’t watch a lot of music videos

Movies? horrible bosses, 22 jump street, we’re the millers

songs? nightmare on my street, cotton eye joe

3500. Guess what?

no.

[hillse15-blog]

1) strange question but no i don’t 2)If we count 5 the worst, then 2 sometimes the objects can create creepy illusions 3)The guy who created me for i would kill him 4)Alrighty 5)Evergreen, I keep my charisma all year round 6)“You ugly piece of shit, what are you doing with your life, you look disgusting why do people like you.” *sticks middle finger up* *walks off* 7)right now, i’m not 8)An emotionless prick 9) Dark room…mysterious…no just great for movies 10)Texting my husband while stressing about mock results 11) 14, i was more emotionless 12) no one, but if we said last time was my amazing ex (Maia, my now wingman) sorry i couldn’t say it back 😂 Mr.Robot over here 13) Maia, you gotta hate her sometimes, but she has a good heart 😂 but the producers of sherlock homes for killing moriarty 14) A graphic design of a dragon battle (lock screen) and a galazy image (home screen) 15) Maybe…I’m a bit uncertain at the moment, but there is something lurking around 17) Lay me down-Sam Smith (depressing shit) 18) *cough* Donald *cough* Trump… god that was an awful cough 19) My mother, confess all the shit she did wrong as a parent and be put through them. )Better have a coat because it is cold outside!) 20)Butt 21) I would be a sexy ass motherfucker and I would impress everyone 22) I can walk in the crab at a natural walking pace (the exorcist) 23) I hate computer glitches they freak me out, poor technology man 24) chicken, mayonaise,tomato, lettuce and cucumber in a wrap. 25)Spoiling my friends…sike binders 26) America to visit the best guy i know, Tom! 27)Strongbow cloudy apple(good stuff) 28) Express yourself in anyway 29)Motherfucker 30) my 1950 limtied edition marvel comic. 31) Ummm… maybe not for the internet to see and hear about. But if I had to be open about one, getting lost on a huge holiday caravan site at 4 32)Fucking awesome, next stop America, Adam Lambert, (young and old) John Barrowman, Andrew rannells where you at? 33) Fuck such a hard question, but since i have been a fan since I was a child i would have to bring Freddie Mercury back. 34)hahhaha no 35)Are you a good lover? I mean it what sense, emotionally… no; sexually…i mean it depends what you’re into and how good our relationship is 36) yes i suffered from very severe anorexia and dropped 4 stone in a case of 6 months leaving me at just under 5 stone at a height of 5 foot 5 inc. If you struggle with an eating disorder seem help please. 37) Fuck yeah! Best one was named Freddie Prince Jr. What a beaut! 38)Plain old grey 39)EVERYTHING!! 40)Sunsets, because not onlt are they beautiful but nightime comes afterwards which means stars! 41)Strawberry 42)the shame of sunderland but i do support manchester united aswell because of my auntie 43) Yes i am not ashamed of having self-harm scars but i do have one of hitting my head of a bathroom sink 44) when i graduate from school i want to go to Edinburgh University and study medicine to become a surgeon…going to be a long 7 years! 45) Biological sex 46) Hell yeah! Always good to cheer people up with my clearly hilarious self 47) On a scale from 1 to 10,are you happy? (Beautiful bo burnham song) but a cheeky second question, to feel allow yourself to fall for someone or get attachments? 48)Noooo i don’t believe in them, what is the point (unless you are my “parents”) 49) I would mix a horse with an albatross… then stick a cone on its head… why? UNICORN 50)😂some convos are not for the public to have acknowledgement of 51) Umm if it protects someone else then maybe. But i don’t like to lie, i avoid lies since i am unfront person 52) I can go a while, summer is the worst as maia will know 😂 i hadn’t spoken to her for 6 weeks out of no where i ask: “what size are you?” Little did she know i meant for her awesome spiderman onesie for her birthday in the August 53) Self cut fringe… disgust 54)All the time! I took food tech for a reason! (Wow sass) 55) yes i can Scottish, a bit of welsh, french, german, Russian and Ireland 😂 56)Butter and Jam! 57) A shirtless body 😂 just random 58) wolkswagen camper van

59)Sing. No . I belt songs out at the top of my lungs… why? No one can hear how awful you are 😂 60)hmmm… it is a complicated topic i do believe in e.t life yes because our universe is like pi, infinite 61) Fuck no! I do not believe in Astrology 62) h, i just like drawing the letter 63) Fuck sake! Ok… dragons… they just have some many different abilities and come in all different styles. Such as some breathe fire or ice and come release posion. I say this as if they exist but shhh… you just gotta believe 64)…ummm…. nope.just nope. 65) requested question: What is your ideal date? I hate dinner dates they are awkward, i love adventrous outdoor activities such as hiking, cycling or even just walking. The best would be trampoling, I have to test your flexibility and cardiovascular skills/ability. Especially stamina 😂 Requested by- comminatoryqueer

[blytheandherbrain]

The Old Photo (BarryKramerxReader)

Notes: Keep in mind that this is the first ever one-shot I wrote, transferred over to Tumblr from my Wattpad page. It is most definitely not perfect, but it brings back memories. This was originally a 3 part imagine, but I’ve made it all one, separated by breaks. the little ~these things~ are only here because I used to write with them, so treat them however you wish. Y/N- your name Y/L/N- your last name Y/N/N- your nickname Y/S/N- your sibling’s name Y/C/N- your channel name I/D/H- insert degree here

Request: None/From My Own Brain

Summary: You’ve been in love with a boy since you were 6 years old, however, that is also when you left him, moving to Minnesota. Now that you are officially an adult and fresh out of college, you burn some time and get a job, conveniently working alongside him. 

Word Count: 3,000+

Masterlist

Your P.O.V. (Second P.O.V.)

~Remember back to when you were 6 years old. That's where this will start~

You laughed as the little boy you had been playing with, landed a perfect flip off of the best swing in this park. "Yayyy! Good job Bear! Teach me please?" You questioned staring into his blue-green eyes.

"I dunno, I might have to go soon..."

"But Barryyyyyy,"

"Fine. But only for a little bit," he responds while giggling at your sudden transition from a pouty face, to an extremely excited one.

You, being the quick learner that you are, had soon perfected the little trick and called your mother over so you could both show-off. "Mommy! Come look at what my new friend taught me!"

"Hmm?" Your mother looked up from her book to watch you guys. You both successfully landed as she clapped and laughed at your scared face when you had almost lost your balance.

You turned towards Barry as your mother informed you that you'd have to go home soon. "Thanks Bear!" You were grinning from ear-to-ear as you continued, "I had so much fun today and meeting you! I couldn't ask for a better friend!"

"No problem, Y/N! You'll come back tomorrow, right?"

"Yep!" You exclaimed, popping the "p."

"Okie! Bye Y/N and Ms. Y/L/N!"

"Bye-bye!" You and your mother both responded.

You had kept going to that park, every day, just to spend more time with your newest friend. In fact, the end of summer was drawing nearer, and your family was planning on moving, tomorrow, on account of your father being promoted. You didn't know exactly where you were moving to, as you tried to tune out their voices everytime your parents talked about moving. You hated the thought of leaving. Leaving your hometown, friends, close family, and hiding spots was too much for you. But, you couldn't really do much about it, seeing as you were 6. So, instead, you went around and got pictures of your favorite spots and people, while your sister/brother tagged along, to make sure you wouldn't get kidnapped, this is L.A. for Pete's sake.

At last, you ended up at your favorite park. You immediately smiled as you saw Barry waiting for you on the swings. "BEAR-BEAR!" You screeched, as your brother/sister sighed and you took off towards the swing set.

"Y/N/N!" He yelled back, jumping off the swing and bracing himself for your daily tackle-jump on him.

Your sister/brother chuckled, turning their camera on and taking a couple pictures and you and Barry fell on the grass.

You both sat up and immediately fell back over laughing. You eventually stood up and posed as your sibling took pictures of you both. After all the fuss was over you and Barry sat on the swings one last time before you would leave. "I'm going to miss you so much, Y/N," Barry said, slightly tearing up. "I don't want you to leave..."

"I don't want to either," you were tearing up as well, but tried not to show it. "Just, pinky promise you won't forget me?"

"Pinky promise."

You hugged each other for a bit, then, wiping your eyes, stood up. "Y/N! Time to go! You still have to finish packing up your books!"

"Coming Y/S/N!" You yelled. "Bye-bye forever Bear..."

"Bye-bye Y/N/N..." He whispered, holding back tears, as you walked away. Away from your favorite person, knowing you'd never forget how much this boy meant to you.

That night, you had finished packing and ended up crying yourself to sleep. Your father had come in to wake you up at 3:40 a.m. They had finished packing everything, except everyone's sleeping bags and suitcases of essentials and clothing, into the moving van. You rolled up your sleeping bag, tossed it into the back of your families mini-van, grabbed your suitcase, and jumped in the truck, falling back asleep as you left your old life behind.

~Fast-forward to when you are 18, moving out of your small home in Minnesota, and moving back out to California, L.A. specifically, to start college~

You sat in your living room, surrounded by clothing, books, supplies, and photo albums. Sighing, you looked up at you mother. She laughed, "how about I pack this stuff in the suitcases, and you pick which photos you want."

"Really? Oh my gosh, thank you so much!" You exclaimed falling backward onto your pile of photo books. "Ouch!"

Your mother laughed even harder and you shot her a death glare. Picking up an album without removing your glare, you looked puzzled at it. "Mom, were all these from when we were in Cali?" You questioned, flipping through the pages.

"Oh, I almost forgot about that album! You can have it, it's mostly you anyway."

You looked back down, then stood up. "I'll be back in an hour, okay?"

"Alright, just don't forget bug spray, it's in the bathroom!" She shouted as you walked towards the bathroom.

That was just like your mother to read your mind and know where you were going. Then again, it's the only place where no one bugs you (minus the actual bugs).

After applying bug spray, and grabbing some sweats, you began the trek, up the hill, to your treehouse. You dad had helped you build it when your family first moved to Minnesota. You immediately claimed it as yours, and that's the way it has stayed for 12 years.

Climbing up the worn ladder, you stopped at the top and turned around. This gave you the perfect view of the just-beginning sunset. ‘Perfect!’ You thought as you finished your ascent into the small room. Sitting at your small desk, and giving yourself another breathtaking view of the setting sun, you switched on your small battery-powered lamp and opened the book.

As you slowly turned the pages, one-by-one, memories flooded to the front of your mind. Tears started flowing as you saw pictures of your siblings, parents, friends, family, and events. Wiping your eyes, you flipped to the last page and saw one single picture. It was you and a small boy... what was his name? He seemed so familiar, yet, you couldn't remember his name.

By now the sun had completely sunk. You shut the book, turned off the light, and left your treehouse, back towards your house.

When you walked in, the scent of your favorite dinner filled your nose. Smiling, you walked back to the living room and placed the album in one of your suitcases.

~Timeskip to after you graduate college because I haven't even been through it and I don't know what to write xD~

"Thanks for watching everyone, next time on (Y/C/N)" You waved goodbye to everyone and ended the video. "WOOP TIME TO EDIT!" You screamed, knowing no one would hear you.

You had started this whole YouTube thing, as just a hobby back in your second year of college. It gave you something to keep you busy, considering you breezed through assignments and classes, and you were creative enough to keep the channel going and growing. You were currently at 2.6 million subscribers, gaining about 450,000 more a week. After you had graduated college with a bachelor's degree in I/D/H. You had decided to just stay in L.A. to continue your channel and see where life takes you. But now, being a full-time YouTuber, only uploading twice a week, you had a lot of free time. As much as you loved spending that time playing video games, you needed something more challenging, more..... exciting.

So, the next day, you were flipping through the area's newspaper. Maybe there would be an ad for you to earn a little extra money?

Suprise, surprise, there was! "Experienced editor needed for video making. $---- per week, call Suzy at, xxx-xxx-xxxx for details," you read to yourself. "Hmm, why not? I could do that!"

You immediately grabbed your cell and dialed the number. She picked up almost instantly and you talked for about 10 minutes, then, set up a Skype interview. Suzy sounded so excited to hear from someone, like, this position was needed A.S.A.P. or something. She also said that you sounded like the type of person they were looking for, so that made you extra happy!

~Timeskip to a week later, an hour before the interview~

You looked at the clock. 4:30. The interview was in an hour and you were so excited, that you had started getting ready 2 hours ago. Being extra careful with your outfit choice and make-up. You were wearing black jeans and converse, as well as a Legend of Zelda sweatshirt and your lucky watch. You had only done your eye make-up, considering you felt your lips looked fine the way they were. You quickly put your H/C hair into a messy bun and turned on your favorite show.

Soon, it was 5:25. You jumped up and grabbed your laptop, pulling up Skype, and making sure you looked alright. At exactly 5:30 sharp, the ringing starts. Putting on a smile, you answered.

~Timeskip again because I've never had a Skype interview~

"Well, thank you so much for letting me have this interview!" You say, glancing at the time, 6:15, and noticing she was wrapping up.

"No problem! You are so much fun to be around," she laughed. "Honestly, in my opinion, which is the most important right now, you should get the job. Your personality is perfect, you like the same topics we do, we are able to hold a convo together, AND I feel like we will be friends soon!"

You blushed as she complimented and chuckled at the rest. "So I got the job?" She nodded, "Thank you so much, Suzy! I can't wait until I meet you all in person!"

You were ecstatic, and, by the looks of it, so was Suzy. "So you accept! Hooray! I'll send you the Grump Space address and you can start on Monday!"

"Thanks! Bye now!"

"Bye!"

The call ended and you jumped up and down on the couch until you were too tired to continue. Monday was 3 days from now. That'll give you plenty of time to watch some of their videos to get the gist of what you were in for.

*BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP* *BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP* *BEEP BEEP BEE--*

"Urrng," you grumbled, smacking the snooze button on your alarm.

You lay in your bed, staring at the ceiling, trying to wake up. After about 3 minutes, you rolled over to grab your phone. Turning the cell on, you realized what day it was, and practically jumped out of bed. You rushed to the bathroom and hopped into the shower. You began to sing some songs that popped into your head. Luckily, no one else lived with you.

After practically screaming 3 songs, you got out of the shower and started getting dressed into your favorite red sweater, as well as some high-waisted jeans and matching sneakers. You quickly checked your already-done nails for chips. Surprisingly, they still looked flawless. You still had an hour before you had to leave, so you spent a good 20 minutes perfecting your hairdo.

After you were satisfied with your hair, you sat down to do your make-up. You put on a shade of red lipstick that matched your outfit and started working on your eyebrows. When they looked fabulous, you started working on your eyes. 

By the time you were done with everything, you still had 10 minutes left. You quickly spritzed some perfume on yourself and grabbed your bag. Sighing, you spoke to yourself, "Might as well get going. Better early than late!"

You grabbed your phone and lucky earbuds and walked outside into the crisp, cool morning. You smiled and went to start your car. The box full of essential items was already in the backseat, a result of being nervous and prepared last night. In the box were items such as perfume, your travel make-up bag, Pokémon figurines, your favorite book series, several potted plants, various office supplies, and a picture frame holding the old picture of you and a small boy.

~Time hops into the future are easy escapes for authors~

You pulled up to the Grump Space, as Suzy had called it, and shot a text to Suzy telling her you had arrived. You got out of your car, grabbed the box, and started towards the door. As soon as you arrived at the door, it opened, revealing the gorgeous creature that was Suzy. "Y/N! Welcome! I was worried you wouldn't show up!" She giggled, holding the door. "Come in, come in! I'll show you your desk."

Giggling at her statement, you walked inside and realized that you were the only ones here. "Uhm, Suzy? Where is everyone? Did I show up too early?"

"No no no, the guys are always late. Well, except for Arin, I make him come with me."

At the sound of his name, Arin walked out from the kitchen, carrying toast. "Oh hey Y/N! Welcome to the Grump Space! Did you eat breakfast yet?" He offered a piece of toast towards you, which you gladly accepted. He walked over to, what you assumed was, his desk. While taking a bite of your toast, Suzy lead you over to an empty desk. Your desk.

She opened your box and helped you set up your little workspace. Before she could see the picture, you quickly put it face down on your chair. When you were both satisfied with the way the desk looked, she noticed the photo frame on your chair. "Oops, I guess we missed something!"

You gasped and reached out for the picture, but you were too late. She picked it up and stared at it for a while. "Y/N, this is so adorable! Is that you? Who is this little boy? I swear I've seen him before..."

"Do you know who he is?" You asked without thinking. Realizing what you said, you immediately looked down, blushing. "I-I mean, yeah... It's an old friend and me when we were younger, living here in L.A."

"You don't remember his name?" She asked, obviously puzzled.

"No, for the life of me I can't. I remember that we met the summer before I moved to Minnesota, but that was all the way back when I was 6. I've had that photo for years now, and I still can't remember his name."

"Awe I'm sorry Y/N. I can help you try to remember, though, now that you work with me!" She looked cheery again, which made you light up again as well.

"Oh thank you, Suzy! That would be great!" She set the frame on your desk as you continued, "I'd love to meet everyone else first, though. I've been binge watching videos to get myself pumped and ready to edit, for the past few days."

"Really? So I hired a fan," she chuckled.

"A slight one," you grinned.

"Well, I guess it's less work for Barry, then."

"Yup, I even watched his tutorial on GrumpOut, so I know pretty much all I need to, already!"

"That's perfect Y/N!" She squealed and hugged you.

Just then, a tall, fluffy haired man walked in, singing. Behind him, walked in a shorter, bearded man. "Dan! Barry!" You shouted.

Dan stopped singing, and they both turned to look at you. Locking eyes with Barry, he smiled and you slightly blushed. He seemed familiar. And not because you knew him from the videos.

"You must be Y/N, the new editor!" Barry said, still holding eye contact.

"Wait, I didn't know we were getting a new grump?" Danny turned towards Suzy, quite confused.

"Dan, I told you guys all last Friday. That was the day I interviewed her, remember? I even showed you guys some of her videos!"

Quickly facing Suzy, you asked, "you showed them my videos? Is that how you knew I was, quote, perfect for the job?"

"Yup! Your videos were Barry-approved," she laughed.

You turned back to face Barry and he winked at you. "Well, welcome to the team!" They all started clapping, as Arin walked in cheering.

Then, a groggy, blue-eyed man walked in. Looking up, everyone stopped. "Did I miss something?" He questioned as everyone started laughing.

~Another timeskip to when peeps are recording and Barry is giving you a quick run-down at his desk~

"Annnnnd, that's about it! Seeing as you already knew most of that, we have some break time."

"Really? Oh, 'cause they're recording and what-not." You headed over to your desk to grab your phone.

Your desk was just off to the right of Barry's, just in case you would need any help. He turned towards your desk as you spoke up again. "Coffee run?" You suggested.

He nodded, but his eyes were locked on your desk. Following his gaze, you noticed he was looking at the photo frame. You turned your head back towards him, to find him now staring at you. "Is that you? Like, in the picture?"

You smiled, "yeah, it's me and an old friend, here in L.A., from before I moved when I was six. Before you ask, no I don't remember his name, and yes, I'm trying to find him because he was kinda my first love..."

"Y/N..." He turned back to his desk, quickly opening drawers, looking for something.

"Yes Barry?" You were a little confused while you waited until he found what he needed.

Smiling, he pulled out a small, photo from the top drawer. Before you could see it, he spoke again. "So, you're looking for your first love, too?"

You nodded, and he continued. "I met my first love back when I was six, she moved away, though, and I wasn't sure where. The day before she had to leave, we spent almost the entire day together, and her brother/sister took a picture of us. A week later, I got the picture in the mail, and I've been looking for her ever since," he noticed how confused you were and showed you an exact copy of your picture.

You gasped and jumped up. You both hadn't noticed, but as Barry was telling the story, everyone else had started listening from various spots in the room. Barry stood up and you ran to hug him. He seemed surprised at first, but quickly relaxed and spun you around. "Barry I've been looking for you for years!" You squealed.

"Y/N I can't believe I finally found you!" He responded, equally as excited.

You both stayed hugging each other until Suzy tapped your shoulder. You quickly parted and noticed everyone else in the room. Barry blushed as Suzy spoke. "Well well Y/N, I guess you really did need my help to find him," she laughed.

"Thank you Suzy, thank you, thank you, thank you!"

Looking around the room, Arin and Dan smiled and winked at you, then walked back to the recording room. Ross yawned and said "congrats" before turning towards his desk, and Suzy turned to walk upstairs. "So, how about that coffee run, love?" Barry looked at you, still blushing.

You smiled, equally as red, and grabbed his hand. "I'd love to, Bear," you winked at him.

You both left the building to get ready for the first day of your finally satisfied life.