#And that's super not ideal right now
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Maybe I take the rest of today to just listen to messy ass Reddit Stories and draw. Maybe I just let myself rest today.
#It's hard#because if I keep pushing I'm going to burn out#And that's super not ideal right now#And I'm waiting lists for housing#The places I'm recommended to apply to close by are fully staffed (sob)#And it's just#A matter of time really#So I gotta keep my spirit up#Even though it's hard#But I'll rest
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people on this site really will straight up say “why should i listen to lesbians or care about lesbophobia when it does not materially impact my life”
#yeah why should any of you care if the so-called progressives you’re so chummy with hold conservative ideals on lesbianism#why should you care if your besties think lesbians just need to meet the right guy or they might change their mind later!#it’s not like this ‘community’ has ever been our allies so why should that change now#maybe the early catholic church had the right idea! maybe telling lesbians it’s super cool to date men is actually helpful!
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loveee when a character is crushed under the weight of someone elses expectations for them love when a character dedicates their entire life to something they never even wanted for themself love when the only reason a character keeps going is because theyre Supposed to and bc theyre supposed to make another person happy/proud. YES !!! CLAPPING !!! YES !!!!!!!!
#this isnt rly related to any character in particular i just thought abt this and it made me scream.#flirting at a bar Damn girl you look like youre trapped in a life you built to please someone else. and then i kneel down and pull out a 💍#sry i ran out of space for the full word ring. also why when i type 💍 Ohh theyre hiding it. bc now the emoji is 💍 Oh they changed it again#pox on their home..originally it was 🔐 sughested emoji#but then the second time it was 😭.... very anti marriage. well ig maybe the sob could be like OMG... YES!!!!! I WILL MARRY YOU!!!!!!#ngl getting proposed to is such a big fear of mine like. i dont think id ever be able to propose to someone so id have to be proposed to i#suppose but it makes me quite nervous not bc im like ohh nooo dont propose i just rly worry ill react the wrong way and theyll change their#mind. like its a very high emotion moment so ik i would be supposed to be emotional And i would be but idk if id do it in the right way . y#idk. what if my autism looms and i end up just being like 😐 on accident. fuckkk. what if i say somethinf dumb. like i try to be like YES !#but instead im like YEP! god. can you imagine. id have to just bury myself at that point. so embarassing. or like what if i get excited and#flap my hands but it was supposed to be more of a like. joyful crying type of thing... or what if im supposed to just be shocked and like .#Oh my god ....#and am I supposed to run at them and sweep them into a hug or do they do thst to me. UGH. ITS SO STRESSFUL. i suppose ill just remain alone#forever so I never have to confront any difficult situations ever again . Joke .#idk it just makes me nervous. but i suppose hopefully the person proposing to me will love me . that would be nice so hopefully they wont#mind if i dont respond the right way . and they wont be upset with me bc they love me eversomuch. a girl can dream i suppose... my head lik#is pounding sry. i need to sleep probably.. stayed up too late again -_- 8am -_- and im sposed to do laundry today But i dont want to . and#since im gonna fall asleep i fear it shant happen. UGHHH#wtvr. idk what my ideal proposal would be likeee. i don't want to be blindsided ig#i like surprises but Obviously im too worried abt like. my immediate reaction#+ i think its important to talk abt marriage Before proposing just so everybodys like#on the same page and such. Obvs... but ya. i dont think id want a super public proposal like. id like it to be somewhere nice with maybs#significance to our relationship and such. and its fine if theres like Some passersby but id hate for it 2 be like. somewhere crowded. or i#a restaurant or something#Altho if it was in a restaurant maybe we could get free food..#but maybe that can be just fake proposals later on. and our real proposal can be somewhere else. YIPPEEE. me and my imaginary future spouse#who is To be honest rather bare minimum#normal girl will be like Wistful sigh maybe my future spouse will even love me and wont scream at me and will like to listen to me speak 😍#but anywyas. my beddybye time. SURPRISE GN POST#woahhthis got off topic i forgot what the original post was this always happens. i do love characters like that
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date back on for sunday now. His friend is okay. thank god. And uhhh, yea now we're finally be fr about the "hey we met on a dating, lets be so fr about what our experience has been" uncharted territory besties. we're not at "so what are you looking for?" but i already essentially told him my approach is to just really try getting to know ppl i find interesting and letting a spark develop from there w/o pressure. kinda like in school where you consistently see people in casual settings. and he thought it was a good plan so uh. here we are.
#basically he's had no luck and only like 2 matches (excluding me i believe) and all those people just never responded to him#which must be so funny bc now theres like. me. where i have seen his id. know his govt name. address. dob. and vitals. like. crazy.#and he's seen mine too ofc. equality. and uh. sounds like he's never dated. never had any bug feelings for anyone despite wanting to fall i#love so bad. which is... interesting. i feel like he has liked ppl and not recognized that it's a crush. nit just wanting to be friends but#imma hold off on sharing that until further developments.#i basically told him that I've had a very different experience. not to like brag but like most women will have better luck on apps (also hi#profile kinda sucks. all 4 photos look like a different person. his like actual answers to prompts aren't bad. they're good. thats what mad#me think 'oh i think i could rlly get along w/ this dude' but he'd attract a very niche type of woman)#which i also. didn't fully say. bc time and place. it'll come up but not right now. but yea so i told him that like. ive gotten many matche#but a lotttt of it is super low quality. lot of wasted time. so like. yea. we all have a bad time on dating apps till someone sticks and we#dont. we basically have both admitted to having idealized people in the past and getting the ick irl. and yea. building some good common#ground. ive always wanted to ask to ppl ive gone out w/ what their experience looks like but i feel like thats not smth to talk abt till#later on and I've never wanted anything past a 2nd date before so. yea.#although my first date did tell me but she was poly and like much more open to talking abt that than most monogamous ppl would be
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i wanna write a fic but idk how the feedback would be on it...
#blah blah we love chubby reader fics#but what about chubby member fics#im being so fr right now#for someone who's bias is lee “buff as shit” jihoon#my ideal body type in men is dad bods#AND I WANT TO REPRESENT THAT#but specifically like#dad bods where they're still super strong#its just under a layer of fat LOL#like blue collar strong#a gut and huge biceps#gimme a chunky dude okay#rru.thots
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what you need to learn is that anyone can drown themselves in clothing
#the silhouette can be a blob if you try hard enough#trust me#vaguely rectangle shaped outline#wouldn't be able to tell it's a person if the head wasn't there frankly#that's the ideal#get huge pants#there's something so Shape about long flowing stuff as a second layer#like yeah might as well be wrapped in a super thick blanket right now#swishy shirt till the knees. we vibe#idk what to tell you i think boots with pants with a dress adjacent should be a standard outfit choice#fantasy adventure genre is yours for the taking#get some quality belts and accessories#no one will stop you#get something fancy for the sleeves spice it up a little#it should take 10 minutes to get everything on#so much stuff on no one can see the muscle they just see the comfy sweaterness and seethe
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sichuan peppercorns are kinda great now that i've been able to properly try them......
#i might get obsessed tbh#shame the spare pepper grinder we found doesn't seem to grind the peppercorns very well#so right now they're just being added whole#which is of course not ideal#still super good though............
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definitely not related to anything but how do you think Masato would view who he became in the present? I feel like he'd obv feel vindication for having fixed his fucked up body somewhat and gotten to the level of power he'd desired but at the same time i have to wonder if theres a lil bit of seething at aokis hypocrisy and sliminess (not that he's any better but i don't think he'd have the self awareness to get that oops)
GREAT QUESTION. ASTOUNDING QUESTION EVEN......
theres no doubt that masato wouldnt have any qualms about aoki yk. Succeeding and getting as far as he has
at the same time, i think because it's not him (as in. he's still 'stuck' with the self he has now) there'd be envy. like Yeah Thats Great He Gets That Eventually But Why Not Now kind of deal- and why'd it have to take All Of That to get it anyway ? unfair, he thinks. me thinks (╯▽╰ )
#snap chats#masato's a hypocrite at his core we know he woludn't really be 100% on board even with himself LOL#there might ALSO be case in masato hating just. how much of a worm aoki is LOL#like what aoki does he does majorly because he believes its what people want#he lives for the attention of the public and their approval as it validates him and makes him feel yk. Normal.#Son Your Normal Is Horrible But I Understand (You're Wack As Hell) but anyway#it wasnt as if masato didnt already have the seedlings of his ardent anti-crime ideals or however else you label it as#seeing the No Dumping Trash sign probably made his cope worse. tbh. yk he's super Anti-Crime now as a way to 'correct' that moment#and if not that it just solidified to himself how much of 'trash' 'masato arakawa' is right#but thats for the masato/aoki analysis ill save that for another year <- already wrote it#either way i think knowing how far and obsessive aoki is about everyones approval is like... Oh So You're A Worm LOL#idk. hard to say since i only know if i found out my future self became a politician i would kill him in cold blood LOLOLOL#ANYWAY ILL END IT THERE NOOOOO im normal i promise.....#im gonna go for a walk now before stream lol....#you should ask me more about masato and aoki and masato /and/ aoki cause :)))))))))))))) //explodes//
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I am so exhausted today and still have a horrible migraine, but I really want to make things today. I want to be creative and colorful and just let myself go
#I think one of my littles really needs this today because we stayed up almost all night#she’s had a really rough week with a lot of flashbacks#and the nervous system is super overloaded between that an my dysautonomia flare#ideally would like to paint but the office is not quite useable enough for that right now so I think we’re going to work on a cross stitch#it’s a cool psychedelic mushroom pattern that we’ll eventually put up in the apartment#dissociative identity disorder#osddid#olive blogs#signed: Jenna & Jenny
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I'm sorry you lost your spot. Maybe that info the nice cop (i guess there have to be some out there) gave you can be the first step to a wonderful journey of joy and positivity. I'm rooting for you, Princess.
🤗
#I mean to be honest I’ve been desperately wanting to change my routine#especially at nights#it’s fun for a little bit but driving home at 4:30/5 when I’m tired isn’t ideal#also falling asleep in my car isn’t really ideal either#so I’ve been wanting to get an erig#but I’m waiting for my fucking tax return to go through so I have some money so I can get it#cause once I have an erig then I’ll be able to smoke in my room and that’ll be a GAME changer#but yeah you’re right#just gotta push myself to actually look into these places and if somewhere sounds interesting I have to…. call them#which is daunting#but hopefully it’ll be super worth it in the long run#I just want to be happy and healthy#thank you so much for your sweet words 💖💖💖#I need all the encouragement and positivity I can get right now#you’re a sweetheart#thank you 💖#ask
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Most of the wall panels going up today? Maybe??
#ideally I’d paint first but I do not want paint fumes in the house right now#super ideal would be warm weather so he can be outside while one of us paints and one of us watches him#and doors can be open to vent everything thoroughly#so everything is having to be done out of order unfortunately#going to be a lot of taping and tarps
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THIS BOOK FUCKS SO BAD
#i know how to rewire the pacing im so excitedddddddd#honestly its rly just the fucking graveshade chapter and the fix is super easy actually. might edit my way thru 5 chapters tmrw if lucky#resilience is soooooooo close. faye con tactics IMMINENT#also stupidly excited to get to write eliada's fucking study again and fauve acting like she owns the place <3 your rights girl#shadowblogging#id literally write thru the night but my partner gets so sad if i dont come to bed for a mandatory 20 minutes before he has to get up lmao#am accepting bets on when i will be done with this draft now. ideally before spring season just in case ffs3 makes me hard pivot 2 mucihe#but thats REAL TIGHT given that i dont remember if i ever fixed forest pacing and the new beach arc layout is entirely untested#i think if there is one thruline in all my writing then that the second act is real chonky (beach+forest in this case) but once we hit act3#we steamroll towards the end at such speed. i just love a thick frontload (yeah good way to phrase that) to rly get cozy and establish mood#stop talking go to bed!!!!! ok !!!!!!!
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So this is my thing now, I’m afraid to go to sleep. This is kinda bullshit, brain.
#I feel like I’m going to die when I fall asleep#see… I’m afraid you think I just mean I’m scared of death#no no no. no. I feel like I’m suffocating. I have to force myself to breathe. my body tingles (in a bad way). I get really overheated.#I get dizzy and feel like I’m going to pass out from lack of air. I feel sick.#I haven’t slept much lately.#I’m miserable alllll the time. I can maybe force sleep with super exhaustion but I’m drained no matter what#this isn’t the first time it’s happened but this is the longest it’s gone on#from that my anxiety is now blanketing everything bc I’m so tired and scared about not getting to sleep#sickening anxiety. I feel like puking or passing out. and I got hit with some heavy (but thankfully short) virtigo yesterday#terrible terrible terrible#and seriously. anxiety. so bad. I’m constantly trying to get high right now to fight it but it’s rough#getting high is starting to make me feel sick too. and my tolerance is building. it’s like… it’s all bad. all options.#I hate this.#AND it’s the weekend and my new primary can’t see me until Wednesday and then I’ve got to beg for… I dunno… the good stuff#god. I told myself I’d go see my doctor about this a couple of weeks ago when this last hit and I didn’t 😓#ideal scenario: all doctors fall in love with me and medically induce a short coma for me to catch up on sleep and then they give me drugs#this new doctor doesn’t know me! I haven’t laid enough groundwork! how am I supposed to beg for klonopin if we have no banter!?#that wasn’t a joke. I mean it was but it’s also serious. I need some GOOD anti-anxieties and he doesn’t know me enough to know I NEEDS IT😬#also my tinnitus is just… no sleep + stress means it gets stronger and it’s… a fucking wet willy shoved through my ear into my skull#and if I hit a bad patch of virtigo… I will… redacted.#I won’t! I will go running crying and screaming in the street before I off myself.#HEY! my insurance says I can get 30 days in-patient and I always keep that thought in my bad pocket.#*back pocket. I’m not about to go back and start redoing tags because of a few misspellings#this is so rambly#my brain is fried! I’m tired! my appetite is fucked! I don’t want to do ANYTHING!#I mean… I never want to do anything. I love being lazy. I should say that right now I CAN’T do anything. but I can. but it’s… a lot. fuck 😔#this must sound so whiny. I’m sorry. I’m sure I’ll be making more posts like this until this goes away#you can ignore this#text
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Guess who has been doing nonstop physical labor for 3+ weeks moving houses, has company coming from out-of-country in a few days and still has a living room towering with boxes, is swamped with excess work tasks due to half the office being out for spring break, and still just signed up for Under Pressure's Juniors Draft?
#this octo :>#I am possibly at my lowest level of performance since I started playing ranked right now due to exhaustion/being super out of practice#but you know what I'm doing it ANYWAY#I still have ... 12 days to practice#if I can ever find time#aaaaaaaaaaa#splatoon#aiko plays squid games#this will be my very first competitive experience I am so nervous/excited#I just hope I'm not too exhausted/burned out to enjoy it lol#but this is basically The Ideal format for my first comp experience#and I don't want to wait another three months or so for the next one
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suddenly devastated i never had a frankie doll tht came with watzit bc i jst had the genius idea to add pink watzit to the design
#and he’s hard to find … sigh#tbh i think i’ll decide if i wanna go the xtra mile with pink watzit once frankie’s rerooted and outfitted#which will take quite some time i imagine. it’s no small endeavour#and i think my ideas for this r quite ambitious .. but i wanna go as far as i can with it#i feel like pink frankie has truly kickstarted a motivation and inspiration i havnt had in so many years. i thought it was lost for good#but for the last two nights ive stayed up until sunrise drawing concepts for it#i havnt done that for so long a time#the hair is arriving today but we’re not starting on the reroot for a minute yet#i still want to go over her head and face with some acetone again jst to ensure no stains are left before the reroot#and for that i need a bottle of acetone …��� we won’t go into that again#the outfit then can wait. i want to get it right so im gonna take my time finding the right fabrics and colours#ive a few ideas on how to make the boots .. but im not sure which to go with#the boots may be one of the harder parts tbh#jst bc of the nature of the outfit they may hav to be completely made frm scratch#unless i can find a pair of doll shoes with a big enough platform to work from#that would be the ideal scenario. but the only shoes i can think of that fit the requirements might be g3 core drac …#and that might present a problem#so at least right now it’s looking like they’ll need to be made completely frm scratch#aside from the boots i think accessories will be the hardest to make#but i also think they’ll be super fun to make#ooh isnt it all so exciting ?#plum.txt
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Just got word that Billy & Mandy will be leaving MAX at the end of the year. If anyone's interested in grabbing some physical media, I'm putting up the last of my DVDs on eBay this week. Who knows what will happen in the future, but the series has never had a full DVD set made, so discs like these may soon be the only way to see the show.
I'm in "Holiday Blowout Mode", so not only are there DVDs and original production art, but posters, crew gifts, and rare merch from shows like Chowder, KND, Samurai Jack, etc.
A lot of people have seemed sad for me that I'm selling off all of this old art. Honestly, most of it has sat in boxes for nearly 25 years. If I didn't sell it, I'd probably pull it out once every couple of decades while looking for a tape measure. At least this way, ideally somebody who wants it ends up with it and can enjoy it more than I would. I'm super-thankful to everyone who's bid so far!
Right now, I'm really just trying to buy myself time. Time for the animation industry to "bounce back", if that is indeed its destiny. Or just time to figure out What's Next.
#maxwell atoms#the grim adventures of billy & mandy#cartoon network#animation art#ebay#chowder#samurai jack#powerpuff girls#evil con carne
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