#And that was the half finished book I wrote in high school

[husband-in-law]

As of tonight, the story I'm currently writing is now the longest thing I've ever written

[orshii]

Crashing Waves and Second Chances

☆ Summary: You’re enjoying a well-deserved vacation with your best friend after finishing college in Greece when you run into Wooyoung, your first love from high school. The unexpected encounter stirs up old feelings and unresolved issues from your past. As Wooyoung tries to explain and make sense of what happened between you, you’re faced with a choice: revisit the past and seek closure, or move forward and see if there’s a new possibility for your relationship. Will you let him explain and explore the chance for a fresh start?

☆ Pairing: Jung Wooyoung x female reader ☆ Genre: fluff, angst, idiots in love ☆ Word count: 6,8 k

☆A/N: Waa this is my first Wooyoung ff and I'm crying. Wooyoung recently is so insane like?? I just love him and he reminded me he also exists next to my two biases :'(( But I'm back in my Wooyoung era again, yess!! And as I want to be in Greece I wrote this story, because I'm going feral staying home. And of course, because it's Greece I needed to include some Greek God references too haha. It is worth reading it till the end cause I kinda died. :D Also sorry for the mistakes I am still learning. Soo enjoy this little drabble hihi!! Byee! (divider)

The slight waves of the turquoise sea crashed along the sandy beach, sparkling from the sun beaming at its highest point. The sound of the waves lured me into a daze as the world's nestled sounds slowly disappeared. The sun burnt my skin like I was in the underworld, the sun being Hades himself, looking at me with hungry, burning eyes. But then a slight chill ran through my body as the summer breeze crawled through my skin, trying to cool down the heat I was feeling. Suddenly I felt like I was in heaven as I walked on the beach, the waves of the cool sea crashing against my foot, the wind blowing through my hair, through my white dress, as the sun slowly went down, creating a breathtakingly beautiful landscape as the sky was full of orange and red colours, the sea copying its beauty, making it look like the sky was never-ending, just as the sea.

Then I heard screaming.

And that was the moment when I opened my eyes quickly as something cold wetted me and I immediately sat up from the sunbed just to realize I was, in fact, next to the sea, but the screaming came from a little kid that just ran next to me and he just needed to get rid of the water dripping from his hair next to me. The next thing I noticed was me being as red as a crab because I fell asleep under the sun. Great, now I'm going to sleep on my back for a weak and look like half-cooked meat. I squinted from the pain as I wanted to stand up to get into the water to cool down at least.

My best friend next to me looked at me through her sunglasses a book in her hands and completely under the umbrella's shadow. She smirked at me enjoying my suffering.

"Thank you for waking me up to not burn into ashes," I said to her ironically as I squinted my eyes at her.

"You looked like you had a good dream, I just couldn't wake you up." He said acting innocent.

"Whatever, I'm going to drown in the sea," I said joking to her as she giggled at that.

"Be careful, you might get dragged down by Poseidon himself." My best friend shouted after me as I was walking towards the shore.

"I wish, dude, I wish." I turned back for a quick moment to say it to her with a smirk.

Then as I hit the water, I felt relieved because the cool water chilled my hot body and mind a little. I quickly went deeper into the sea, diving underwater just to open my eyes and look around the crystal-clear water, where I saw a few little fishes swimming around –actually swimming away from me because they were scared little shits—well I would be too if a shark would swim towards me that is no question.

The water was sparkling around me from the sand that flew upwards from the bottom of the sea, and as the sun beamed through the water it sparkled and I just lived for it, because it was so mesmerizing, I honestly could live as a mermaid, I would volunteer—

I swam around a little, cooling down so I could feel like a human again, I turned on my back and just floated on the water like garbage, pretending I was dead. Meanwhile, I thought about how I was waiting for this moment, to get away from the full-year pressure I was under, with my best friend, as we planned to get away from home for a vacation after we just graduated, leaving the stress and the pressure behind trying to figure out what is going to happen next. We just wanted to enjoy our little time together here and close out the responsibilities that came with us being unemployed as we finished college.

We decided we were going to travel to Greece, which was both of our favorite places on earth, because we felt like this place connected us, and a little piece of our hearts just felt like it was made from the soil of this landscape. We just felt a connection towards it, that pulled us towards this place. And let's not talk about the tell stories of the Gods, each of them beaming a uniqueness that didn't exist on this Earth. And when we finally arrived, we couldn't stop smiling, every stress and uneasiness leaving our souls just to feel a little relieved.

As I walked back to our sunbeds, where my best friend, Bora was sitting, still holding a book in front of her, being lost in the imaginary world, I glanced through the beach and my eyes immediately got caught on people surfing on the big waves of the crystal water, the waves making a tunnel where the professional surfers went through. I immediately got excited, wanting to try it, as I arrived at my best friend with an excited smile.

"People are surfing, look!" I pointed towards the shore, where two surfing tutors were standing, helping people out to try this sport. "And those tutors might be our next catch, just saying." I winked at her, to catch his attention, as she looked towards them with now an interested look. Her face looked like she was thinking, calculating if it was a good decision or not.

"Please?" I interlaced my hands and looked at her with puppy eyes. I always wanted to try out surfing, and this was the perfect occasion. And not for the tutors that I wanted to check closer, not at all—

Bora sighed. "Okay, let's go, surfing seems fun. And the two men there look interesting from the back." She smirked at me as I nodded in agreement as we collected our stuff and wore our flowery beach dresses.

We approached the spot, where the surfing boards with different kinds of designs were stuck into the sand and when I spotted a well-defined back with a tattoo on the nape, that was too familiar to me, I immediately regretted my decision of wanting to learn surfing.

But it was too late because before I could signal somehow to my best friend to turn around, the black-haired one with the tattoo, who wore only black swimming shorts, turned around and his eyes immediately landed on me.

And I just wanted to shout for Poseidon to drag me deep into the sea and make me his slave, because that was better than being here standing in front of my first love that broke my heart, and he didn't even know about it.

Well, he was my high school crush and I was head over heels for him, and he gave me signs that were so questionable, he made my little heart believe he wanted something from me as well. But in the end, he got together with a blonde girl with perfect red lips and a perfect body. So, eventually, I needed to let it go and get over him somehow that felt impossible. I managed to forget him with time as I didn't see him for years. But seeing him now still made my heart beat crazy like we were back in high school. And I hated it.

As he saw us approach, he nudged the person next to him, who had black hair with some blonde stripes in it, and he turned as well just to his eyes start to sparkle with excitement his lips in awe, seeing us. His dimples slightly showed from the smile he beamed at us, wearing light blue swimming shorts, his well-defined body on the sight.

They were standing there, waiting for us to approach, looking at us with different expressions. Song Mingi with pure happiness and Jung Wooyoung with wide eyes.

Jung Wooyoung the black haired and Song Mingi with the oreo hair, we were all classmates along with my bestie, Bora. The four of us were kind of inseparable. But when I started to feel more than friends towards Wooyoung, things got complicated and when we finished high school, we never saw each other. That was why some uneasy feelings swam back to me, when Bora hugged Mingi in excitement, their friendship ending just because both their best friends were fools, it wasn't fair, but this was a best friend's job after all, to be there for your best friend.

Then I just put aside all my thoughts about the past and hugged Mingi with a generous smile, I really missed Mingi, because he was like my brother back in high school. We had been friends since the beginning of school and with time Wooyoung and Bora joined us, but before them, it was just me and Mingi, we could speak about everything and anything, making us inseparable. But after what happened between the four of us it suddenly disappeared, the friendship we built through the years lost like it never existed.

When I hugged Wooyoung it wasn't sincere, I still hated him, for treating me like he did in the past, and it made me want to run away as quickly as possible.

"What are you guys doing here?" Bora asked as she hugged Wooyoung as well.

"We got a summer job here," Mingi spoke up as I avoided Wooyoung's gaze on me, focusing on Mingi only. "We are teaching people surfing and we are on a vacation at the same time, isn't it perfect?" Mingi said with excitement, his eyes shining from how sincere he was with his emotions that were always so obvious if you knew him sincerely.

"I didn't know you were into surfing," I said a little frowning, as I looked at Mingi as Wooyoung's presence still annoyed me.

"Well, we tried it out with Wooyoung for fun, and here we are, aren't we Woo?" He nudged Wooyoung with a smile, who was quiet the whole time, which was very unlike him, he just never shut up back then, and it was weird seeing him staying in silence. When Mingi nudged him a little that was when he caught up on himself and smiled back at Mingi.

"It's a vacation and we even get paid, is it heaven?" Wooyoung said as he chuckled, then looking towards us, well at me, with sharp foxlike eyes that I hated at that moment, but loved back then. "And you girls? On vacation?" He asked staring into my soul as I unwantedly looked through his still-handsome features, the unforgettable mole under his left eye, his wet hair a few strings falling into his eyes, making his gaze more intense, his bare torso on the sight, a new tattoo on his ribs that was a writing in another language.

"Yeah, we graduated and we are celebrating," I said shortly, with a fake smile as I averted my gaze from his handsome face. I hated how he made me lose my mind by only looking at him, after years of not seeing him.

"That's so nice, sometimes I regret that we missed out on college, it could have been wild," Mingi said as he chuckled looking at Wooyoung for a slight moment, who chuckled in agreement, then Mingi looked towards us again. "So did you want to learn how to surf or you just wanted to say hello?" Mingi asked curiously.

"Y/N wanted to try it out," Bora said quickly side-glancing at me with a knowing smile. I am going to kill her, so she can stay in Greece for the rest of her 'not' life.

I looked at her, somehow not too obviously telling her with my eyes that—I did not want to anymore.

Mingi clasped his hands together, "Cool, then you found the perfect men to teach you and it's even free for you girls." Mingi winked at us with a proud smile.

I wanted to back up, but I just couldn't be childish like that, to run away because my high school crush was in front of me years after, I wasn't like that…but I sincerely hated him at that moment.

With that Mingi started to explain the tactics of surfing, and firstly they showed us how to stand on the board on the dry so we would have at least a little knowledge of how to do it on water.

Meanwhile, Mingi taught Bora, next to them Wooyoung and I were standing as he explained to me how to hold the paddle, that beginners needed to use at first. I avoided his eyes in every moment I could. It was awkward and I counted the time so we could say goodbye to them and avoid them for the rest of the trip. But the education lasted a while, because we tried it out on the shallow water as well, sitting on the boards at first with the paddle and the first mission was to stand up, which I was struggling with at first but after countless fallings into the water I finally managed to stand up on the board.

Eventually, I had fun, I really did, because I put aside all my concerning thoughts and how I hated the man in front of me, who just sincerely tried to help me and catch me whenever I fell off the board. My emotions were a mixture of letting go of the past to start over and a mixture of not letting myself fall into his trap again.

But when I fell off the board again—because I celebrated my standing successfully on the board too hard—arms circled my waist to pull me up underwater, just to meet with two sharp eyes gazing at me with a smile, I lost against my own rules. It was just impossible not to fall into his trap when his wet hair fell damp on his forehead, his dimples showing from the curve of his lips, his chocolate brown eyes staring down at me, which looked almost orange from the sun shining at us. I just wanted to get away from him, because my heart started to beat fast, and I didn't want these feelings to eat me alive, it destroyed me and I didn't want that again. And as he smiled at me his face close to mine, where waterdrops fell to his chest, the thoughts of his girlfriend came back to me and that made my heart ache as I just felt overwhelmed by the fact, I nearly fell into his trap again.

So, after separating from him, I swam back to the seashore saying 'That was enough for today.' And I knew I seemed weird in their eyes, I knew my best friend also looked at me with questions in her eyes, but I just wanted to get away from there so I could breathe again normally.

My plan of avoiding them for the rest of the trip, seemed to completely fail because we just bumped into Wooyoung and Mingi every day. And we started to hang out together like in the old times. It was weird at first but after a little, I relaxed a bit and I didn't let my feelings fuck up my well-deserved vacation. So, I started to be there with them, to laugh with them and just enjoy our time together.

One evening, Mingi told us we should celebrate our graduation with some drinks, which seemed the best idea because we hadn't really drunk for our success with Bora, so we agreed immediately.

"So, how's it with Wooyoung?" Bora side-glanced at me while putting lipstick on her thin lips that was a strong red color standing in front of the mirror in our hotel room.

I scoffed at her. "Nothing? You know I sincerely hate him." I started looking at him quite sharply.

She looked at me from the reflection of the mirror as I stood next to my bed, thinking what should I wear. "C'mon, Y/N, it was a long time ago, just enjoy yourself," Bora said, closing the lipstick she used.

"I know, it's just…" I sat down on my bed staring down at my hands. "He still owes me some explanation of what happened in London and with everything, like I'm so confused from day one, Bora, it's insane how I can't forget what happened." I rambled to Bora as she turned around to look at me with concerned eyes.

She came next to me and sat beside me to caress my back. "Yea, it was so fucked-up, that whole trip was a disaster, and you really deserve an explanation of why he did that." She smiled at me genuinely, "And I'm sure Wooyoung wants to talk to you, he wanted to since we met with them, you just avoided him the whole time."

"Yes, because I can't fucking look into his eyes, without my old emotions coming to the surface and I hate it…" I looked into Bora's concerned eyes.

"Well, I think you two should talk, because it looks more complicated than it is." She said as she smiled, her eyes forming crescents.

I scoffed at that. "Just help me pick out an outfit." I leaned down towards my luggage which was a mess just like myself.

"So you could look pretty for Wooyoung?" He nudged me with his elbow, smirking as I hit his upper arm in response.

"I want to look pretty, for myself and not for others."

"Great, you should absolutely wear this," She pulled out a little black dress with a v-line and some ruffles on the end. "It's cute and sexy at the same time." She winked at me.

I rolled my eyes at her and ripped my dress out of her grip annoyed just so I could wear it. When I looked into the mirror as I was wearing the black dress, a confident, cute, and sexy girl stared back at me as Bora said. The dress reached a little above my knees, the v-line leaving my neck empty, so I put on a silver necklace with matching earrings. I left my hair to fall onto my shoulders naturally, the shorter strings of my hair falling into my eyes. As Bora stood next to me to check herself out as well, she looked gorgeous, she was wearing a tight purple dress, highlighting her perfect body line, and her black hair was in a tight bun with some silver earrings and rings. We looked hot and we were ready to gradually celebrate our graduation.

We arrived at the bar next to the pool that was lightened up with a few colorful led, that matched with the lights of the bar that was surrounded with tables and bar stools. It was already close to midnight as we were searching for the boys. Then Bora spotted them and we walked towards them between strange people, who enjoyed the free drinks as well in the perfect night weather.

When I spotted Wooyoung, who was standing next to a table with Mingi, drink already in hand, I just couldn't take my eyes off him, as my heart started to beat fast. He looked so handsome in his black shirt, the last two buttons undone, his sharp collarbones on the sight, paired with black denim shorts, that reached above his knees, his tattoo peaking a little that I just noticed he had, then my eyes landed back to his face, where his hair was wiped back a few strings falling onto his eyes, making his sharp gaze, more intense. His silver earrings hung low from his ears with a few piercings that matched with his silver necklace. He eyed me up and down very obviously with his intense gaze. And I just prayed for Poseidon to kidnap me, because it was hard to keep up, above water.

Mingi was standing next to him, wearing a bright purple shirt with blue denim shorts and a lot of accessories like necklaces, earrings, and a lot of silver rings. And we just needed to laugh because we unintentionally matched with each other, this was our dynamic, and it wasn't the first time.

As we started to drink a few cocktails and some shots the party started, the colorful lights making us disappear into the crowd that surrounded us. I danced with my hands held high jumping to the beat of the music as I felt free after an overwhelming year. The four of us were standing in a circle as we made a few silly dance moves laughing at each other. My eyes met with Wooyoung's a few times, which was a very big mistake because I felt his gaze on me the whole night the tension between us heavier and it made me uncomfortable because all of this was unfair.

So, I decided I needed more drinks and went to the bar counter to ask for a lighter cocktail and sat on the barstool until it got ready, watching the bartender in awe as he made the cocktail with some tricks.

Then suddenly I felt a hand on my waist and a strange black-haired man's face came in front of me. He was wearing a white shirt, unbuttoned his well-defined chest and abs in sight, his shoulders broad and a silver necklace ending with a cross on his popped-up chest, as he was wearing sunglasses, and I frowned.

"Am I blind or the sun is somewhere up above?" I asked the strange man in confusion as the alcohol made me feel woozy as I looked around.

The stranger chuckled at that and lifted the sunglasses to his forehead lifting his hair, making his undercut more visible. His sharp eyes were now on the sight, which reminded me of a cat. "Yes, it's up don't you see it? It's everywhere." He showed around with his hand to the lights that surrounded us and he plopped down to the barstool next to me. He smiled at me as his deep dimples showed and made his face more handsome.

I giggled at his statement and reached for my drink, sipping from it as I looked at the strange man.

"So, what does a pretty girl like you, do here alone drinking?" He leaned closer to my ear so I could understand what he said as the music was too loud.

"I'm with my friends, I just came for a drink." I pointed towards my friends, where my eyes immediately met with Wooyoung's, who was just standing there with folded arms, looking at us with killer eyes. It was my time to shine.

"Are they only your friends?" He asked with a knowing smile.

I just nodded.

The stranger hummed. "I'm Choi San." He leaned closer again and I barely heard what he said. "What's your name, pretty?" He looked deep into my eyes and suddenly I forgot my name.

"It's uh—Park Y/N." Finally, I could somehow stumble my name out as I reached my hand towards his to shake the handsome man's hands. And when he accepted it, he smiled at me and pulled me closer to him so he could whisper into my ear. "Will you dance with me, pretty?"

The alcohol swam around my body making my mind not to think at all, so I accepted his invite and I found myself dancing with a total stranger on my strange vacation where my high school crush shot daggers into the stranger's back.

As we danced along to the music, our bodies flushed together swaying our hips to the rhythm of the music, enjoying ourselves, suddenly we were separated by a hand that belonged to Jung Wooyoung himself, as he glared down at the stranger standing in front of him, they were the same height, but the expression on Wooyoung's face just made the stranger slightly smaller, as Wooyoung mumbled a few words to him that I couldn't expel. I only saw that San lifted his hands in surrender and grabbed Wooyoung's shoulder with one hand mumbling something back that seemed an apology. And with that, the stranger who looked like Ares himself just disappeared. And I looked after him wide-eyed, then at Wooyoung as I scoffed at him and turned around, trying to escape from the torturing crowd.

I felt angry at Wooyoung because what did he even think? Was it normal to send off a stranger that tried to just fucking dance with me? We were back when we were teenagers, back when I didn't understand anything he did, and it made me feel sick of him.

As I got out of the crowd, I just felt Wooyoung was following me with angry steps. And when he reached me, he grabbed my wrist and turned me around to angrily face him.

"Do not fucking run away from me!" He said as he yanked me closer to him, he looked pissed.

"What the hell did you think there?" I said with a sharp expression, trying to free my wrist from his grip, when I succeeded, I folded my arms in front of my chest. "Oh, I'm Jung Wooyoung, I should totally send this dude off, because he is flirting with her, and no one should touch her, only me. Even though I have a girlfriend." I started to ramble my thoughts out, as I gesticulated with my arms stressed.

"What are you talking about? I don't have a girlfriend." His expression changed from angry, to confused.

Words got stuck in my throat for a moment. "What about that blonde girl?" I asked confused.

He sighed, puffing air out of his lungs. "Nothing, she wasn't my girlfriend..."

 "Well…it doesn't matter. Let's just leave it." I said as I wanted to turn around.

"No, Y/N!" He grabbed my wrist again turning me around, not letting me go this time. "Stop this stubborn attitude and let's talk!" His voice raised as his face became a little impatient.

"I don't want to talk Wooyoung! We should have, a long time ago, but it's too late now because I'm so sick of your games, I can't do this Woo." I said as my voice became lower, whispering his nickname that I loved so much.

"What games are you talking about?" His grip on my wrist became a little stronger as he held my other hand in his hands pulling me closer to him. "You confuse me just as much as I do you," He whispered it close to my face.

I looked down at our hands, and I was thinking about the fact, of how much my younger self would have liked this situation. At that, my emotions suddenly hit me and I was just too tired for this conversation.

"I'm talking about London…" My voice was barely a whisper, as I still avoided his staring eyes.

He scoffed at that, letting my hands go as he ran his fingers through his raven-black hair in frustration. "London was messed up, we both made mistakes there."

I scoffed. "Yeah, whatever you say," I said giving up.

"No for fuck's sake, don't fucking do this, Y/N! You have no idea how much I had suffered because of you." He grabbed his hair stressed as he looked at me with an emotional expression.

I was too stunned to speak, my heart pumped blood into my ears as I barely heard what he said.

"If you—If you would have told me to stay…back in London, I would've Y/N! But you said nothing and let me go, it was all on you." He said stepping closer to me, his eyes watering.

I shook my head as I stepped back. "You can't fucking say that! You knew I liked you, Wooyoung, haven't I given you enough signs?" I raised my voice at him, losing my patience.

"No, you haven't! Because you were always with that fucker, Yunho and it seemed he was more important than me the whole trip." He lifted his hands shrugging his shoulders with a disappointed look.

I laughed at that, we both acted so childish and it made me feel sick. "You know what?" I stepped closer to him as I lifted my head his face close to mine. "It was a long time ago, let's just forget it. But one last thing." My eyes stared into his sharp eyes. "You can simply fuck off," I said as he looked stunned, and I turned around walking as fast as I could to disappear from there because I had enough of him.

My life was so easy after we finished high school, it was so easy without Wooyoung…too easy. But four years later he had to come into my life when all I wanted to do was to relax a little, but he had to knock on my door and step into my life again. What was the point of it? We did not belong to each other and I learned that a long time ago.

 It was 4 a.m. already as I was lying in my bed after I slammed our hotel room's door. My thoughts drowned me as I was just staring up at the white ceiling, Bora nowhere to be seen. I was thinking of the things Wooyoung said and remembered all the things that happened in London.

Well long story short—We travelled to London as a celebration of finishing high school. The things that happened there weren't a big deal thinking about it now, but back then as I was still young, life throwing out into the wild to experience the things that would make me stronger, to experience love and heartbreak at the same time, was unforgettable for a young girl.

It was our second day in London, and we went out to see the nightlife of the city. It was the four of us and a few classmates, who joined us for the night. And yes, Yunho was a good friend of mine and yes, I might happen to be with him a lot. But I was just trying to forget Wooyoung because I knew he did not return my feelings. As we got deeper into the night Wooyoung was by my side all night, holding my hand, and hugging me the whole time, and then the boys made a bet, where Wooyoung needed to kiss me out of the blue. And he did kiss me and he did tell me that he liked me, but I did not know what to do with that information as he was drunk and it might have been part of the bet.

That kiss was the best kiss of my life, it made my feelings grow deeper for him, he made me believe he felt the same, but on that night as we walked back to our hotel I unintentionally eavesdropped and heard that he did not like me it was just a bet. Then the next thing I saw was that he was kissing a girl from our classmates in front of his hotel room. And that broke me into pieces. From then I ignored Wooyoung the whole trip, not wanting to see him. Then thanks to my luck, he needed to go home sooner for some unknown reasons and I did not beg for him to stay, because I simply did not want to see him anymore.

As I was deep in my thoughts I heard the loud ping of my phone, which broke the silent bubble that embraced me. I checked my phone and it was an old group chat that I thought I was never going to see again. It was a group chat that the four of us used back then.

-Mango to 4 makes 1 team- Guys where are u??! We've been searching for u everywhere... Woo-woohoo sent a picture.

As I opened the group chat the picture that Wooyoung sent was of his hands that held a can of beer and the sea, as he was sitting on the beach, I assumed.

Mango Bro, what are you doing? Do you want to die? Woo-woohoo I'm with me, myself and I, we get along a lot. bahahahshbdwef Mango replying to Woo-woohoo Dude are u okay?? Woo-woohoo I wish the water would wash me away to Londonn. Y/n-ooo If you depart now, you might get there by the morning. Borie Guys, are we really stuck in the London situation? Woo-woohoo I don't even know what I did there... Y/n-ooo Breaking my heart? Woo-woohoo ??? Can we talk Y/n? Please... Mango These two should be locked into a dirty cell in the middle of the Pacific Ocean...istg, get your shit together you creatures!!

I sighed as I just realized I couldn't just ignore the things just because he broke my heart years ago, I was too stuck in the past that didn't even make sense.

Then another chat popped up on my screen.

Woonderland sent you a voice message.

"Y/n c'mooon, let's talk, I have no idea what I did in London but I'm sure I can explain…like the night I kissed you was the best kiss of my life and I was so glad the boys made that bet…how could someone so beautiful like you, like me, a boy who was so over himself, I couldn't believe that, I was confused, I was young and I didn't know anything about love…oh my God what am I even saying…I'mma just drown in the sea, see ya, u know like the sea. Hah, that was a nice joke."  His voice stumbled the whole time I assumed he was drunk as a skunk. His words did not make much sense. I needed to find him and clear things up.

Y/nnie Where are you?

As I was walking on the beach the waves of the turquoise sea crushed against my foot, the water felt warm against my skin as my foot sank into the soft sand leaving footprints behind me, that the water washed away immediately. The wind blew on my white dress that I changed into, the sun was slowly rising from the other side of the sea, still painting it red and orange, creating a breathtaking view of the sea.

Suddenly I felt peace as my dream popped up in my mind, where I was walking on the beach. It was the same feeling, but it wasn't a dream, there weren't any kids that could wake me up screaming next to me. I was heading towards a drunken Wooyoung that I would've never imagined because if somebody had said to me, I am going to meet with my first love who broke my heart, and I was on my way to forgiving him, I would've laughed at their face in a blink of an eye.

Then I spotted Wooyoung, who was sitting on the seashore his legs pulled up to his chest a can of beer in his hands as he was staring into the infinity of the bluish sea in the twinkle of the sunrise.

As I approached him, I sat down on the soft sand next to him folding my legs under me, and stared in front of me, mimicking Wooyoung. We sat in a comfortable silence then he reached the can towards me that I took and gulped from it, the beer left a bitter taste in my mouth that went down to my stomach, leaving an emptiness on the way.

Then I just couldn't hold back anymore and I tilted my head towards him to look at his sharp side profile, he looked like Aphrodite's son, who got banned from Olympus because he was too reckless. His jawline was as sharp as Mount Olympus, his sharp eyes gazing at the sea where Poseidon was waiting for us, the sun slowly getting up as Hades cursed our blooming connection.

"So, what happened in London, from your point of view?" I broke the comfortable silence that embraced us, breaking the peace to make peace again.

He slowly turned towards me, as his eye with the mole under was now visible, which made him look more like a God. Then he broke the eye contact and stared down at his hands, fiddling with them.

"Well, when we kissed, I told you I liked you. But you did not say anything to that. It made me believe you didn't feel the same as me, so I just gave up…I just simply gave up, because I was an asshole." His voice stumbled as he explained the situation.

"I saw you kissing that girl," I said as I averted my gaze from his face towards the sea.

He looked at me wide-eyed, as he face-palmed himself. "Fuck, I was so stupid…I did kiss her, but only because I wanted to make sure it wasn't just a fling, I wanted to know if I only imagined the sparkle with you…" I felt as if he looked at me, trying to find out what I was thinking. "But then, you ignored me the whole time…which I understand now."

I just hummed. "Can we just forget the past and start over? I'm sick of this push-and-pull game we are playing…we were just two idiots…" I looked up at him with sincere emotions as he was closer than before.

"Two idiots in love?" He beamed a sincere smile at me, as his dimples were showing, making his features more handsome. And we were just staring at each other like we saw each other for the first time. We really did start it with a clean slate.

"You are so beautiful." He whispered with so much emotion in his eyes as he leaned closer to my face his breath warming more my already blushed cheeks.

I giggled at his compliment trying to hide behind my hands.

"Hey, hey, don't you dare to hide from me." He caught my wrist taking them away from my face with a smile.

Suddenly I stood up. "No, no. I'mma just go drown in the sea, I might get a lover there." I started to walk towards the sea with a smile. Then as I looked behind my back all I saw was Wooyoung getting up from the ground and running towards me.

"Not without me." He shouted as he tried to catch me. I screamed from excitement as I was running from him, nearly waking up the whole hotel. When Wooyoung caught me, he lifted me and held me on his shoulders as my head swung towards the ground. I screamed as I saw the world upwards and he started to run towards the sea crashing into the chill waves, wetting us immediately, as he finally took me down deep in the water that reached both our chins. Both of us were laughing as I started to splash him with the surprisingly warm water, our clothes long soaked as we did not care about that. The beach was echoing with splashing water and our sincere laughter, the shore was nearly empty because of the early hour as the sun just had risen, with only a few people lurking around to watch the sunrise.

As I got a little away from Wooyoung in the little splashing war we had created, he suddenly started to swim towards me and when he reached me, he caught my waist underwater, his hands encircling me, holding me strong, then he suddenly brought the both of us underwater, as we were sinking down towards the bottom, slowly opening our eyes to look at each other's mesmerizing features, both of us looking like Poseidon's stunning creatures, with our hairs flowing around us like a crown. The water sparkled around us with the sun shining above us. When we ran out of oxygen, we swam above water, just to Wooyoung pull me up close to his wet body, I naturally wrapped my legs around his waist, as his hands travelled under my thighs holding me close to him. My arms did the same as I was staring into his foxlike eyes, the waterdrops on his features perfectly slipping from his face to be one with the water that embraced us. The shirt that was glued to his skin, made his collarbone and chest peak out, where a black necklace was hanging with a moon. As my eyes found their way to his lips, I couldn't avert my gaze from his perfect red lips, salty waterdrops highlighting the mole on the bottom of his lips. My eyes met his, where desire burned with a passion that came from hell, making him look like Hades and Eros the God of carnal love.

And when his lips met mine as he held me close to him in the blue sea where we were floating like two paper-made ships, I felt like I could drown in the sea, because as his lips moved against mine, I felt like all the Gods kissed me at once, it was passionate and full of lust that made us whole again. My fingers crawled into his wet hair while we kissed pulling at it slightly as he moaned into my lips, at that my tongue found its way into his mouth discovering all the hidden places. When he got his senses back a little his tongue tangled with mine, fighting for dominance, as his hands lifted me a little to find their way on my ass as he pulled me impossibly closer to him, the water splashing between us.

When we separated after an eternity our foreheads met and we stared into each other's eyes with joy, the waking sun beaming at us from above, painting us with colors of yellow and orange that made the both of us look like a God and Goddess that could rule the world together rewarding the good and punishing the bad.

A/N: I might write Bora's and Mingi's stories as well because they aren't just old friends, they also have a complicated story. :PP

(Ateez masterlist)

[leclsrc]

hi auds bear!! dunno if you saw charles' insta story of his new sky ad but now begging for a 2k celebration blurb of dad!charles <3

misspelled – cl16

genre: fluff, 2k celebration, girldad!charles

“It’s L-E-S, love.” He points to the piece of paper peppered with doodles. “Go ahead for me.”

The sun is high and sweltering, with noontime March heat, but still Charles is undeterred in his quest to get your daughter to spell his name properly. The evening prior, you’d presented him with a welcome home card signed by her, and addressed to Daddy Charlse—cue the Leclerc dramatics.

He’d pressed about a thousand kisses to her tiny face, thanking her over and over and keeping the card in his bag so they could cook dinner together. But once the pasta was finished and the toothbrush jingle was sang (twice) and he’d stowed her off to bed (three storybooks later), he padded over to your bed and sighed lowly, stopping just shy of the foot of it. Already you’d sensed his incoming anxious complaint.

It comes. “So. Charl-s-e.” 

“She’s four, honey.” You’d shut your book softly, smiling. “She spells her grandmum’s name as Packal.”

“It’s because I’m always out for work, isn’t it?” He climbed into bed beside you, perching his chin on your stomach. “And this is also because Max keeps insisting he babysit, sweetie. I swear, he’s brainwashing my baby girl.”

You laughed; the vibration extended into him and he smiled fondly at your reaction. “Charles, it’s nothing. They’re working on spelling at school, you know—she’s got a few words she gets wrong sometimes, the same ones. But she’s learning.”

“Charl-s-e,” he’d repeated sullenly. “Charl-seh.”

“If it matters that much, why don’t you try teaching her tomorrow?” You swept your hand through his hair, mouth in a half-smile. “Make an afternoon of it.”

He’d taken your advice very seriously—woken up a bit earlier, cooked them both pancakes (and you French toast, as always) and led her into the yard for some daddy-daughter time. “If you’re thirsty, I made lemonade,” you sing-song from the patio door. “You two’ve been at it for a bit.”

There are scrapped pieces of paper with his name misspelled on most of them—there is the occasional success, though you’re guessing Charles wants just one more—and drawings of your family all over them. You already sense the influx of pictures Charles has on his phone, of these drawings and cards he always posts on his Instagram or sends to you.

At your announcement, Julia looks up, green eyes piqued with interest, grip on the red crayon loosening. But her father’s faster, gently coaxing her back into the mini lawn chair that sits on the yard. She nods along his careful instructions, writing slowly, sun filtering through her light brown hair.

You get short moments of reprieve like this during the season. It’s rare for Charles to visit if he’s in the thick of it—most of the time you travel to a different city to see him, Julia going from your hip to his arms in seconds once he spots the two of you. But this moment is irreplaceable: the sunrays on the grass, the lemonade waiting to be drank, the pieces of paper with Mommy and Papa, bunchfuls of grapes on the patio table. 

He tries again. “Come on, love. C-H-A…” 

She bounds into the kitchen five minutes clutching a final paper, which she shows you with a sun-tinged face of pride. CHARLSE, it reads still. You pour her a glass, wait for Charles to finish packing up the rest of the art materials Julia was too excited to do herself; he comes in a bit sweaty from the sun asking to see the card.

You hand him a glass and press a kiss to his cheek. “Still S-E,” you say, both of you reading over the various scribbles.

“I don’t care.” He pauses. “You see this?” He points to the lower part of the page. 

Best Daddy Ever is written on it in wild vivid colors. You beam, love bubbling up in your chest overwhelmingly. He takes it from you and tacks it onto on the fridge, smiling. “She wrote that. I couldn’t have asked for a better card.” 

[7s3ven]

Imagine this… jonny ‘soap’ mctavish

( angst )

You moved to Scotland soon after finishing high school so you could attend university there. In your first year, you meet John Mctavish, but he prefers if you call him Jonny.

He isn’t enrolled in the university, he just likes to wander around the grounds. He tells you of his plans to join the army and you tell him about your brother who’s a sniper.

The two of you become best friends (maybe even more) and even when he joins the army and you barely see him, the two of you exchange long letters. Whenever Jonny gets a well-needed break, he always returns to Scotland to see how you’re doing.

He tells you about joining Task Force 114 and about a man named Simon Riley, call name Ghost, who wears a skull mask to cover his face. He describes his experiences in detail, of course leaving out information he can’t share.

He shows his task force pictures of you, rambling on and on about your hobbies and your personality and how your accent is so different from his Scottish one but he likes it.

“He’s in love.” Gaz whispers to Price as they listen to Jonny rant about your perfume.

Price hides a chuckle. “Obviously. Knew it from the moment he pulled out a picture of his lass.”

Task Force 141 has never met you but Jonny was arranging it… until he got shot in the head. Ghost feels sorry for you. It was clear whatever relationship you had with Jonny was special. He knows neither of you had confessed yet and in his opinion, that hurts more. Now, you would constantly be asking yourself what if?

The team know how important Scotland was to Jonny so they book a flight to spread his ashes, half hoping not to run into you so they don’t have to face your crumbling expression.

“Sleep easy, soldier.”

“See you down the range, brother. We’ll take it from here.”

“Rest in peace, Jonny.”

Unfortunately, luck isn’t on their side. As they slowly stroll through the streets, they see you. You were beautiful in the pictures Jonny showed them but it didn’t do you justice. You were smiling widely at a friend, pushing a vase of flowers towards them.

Then you turned your head and spotted Ghost. You found it strange how a man was wearing a skull mask until it clicked. This was Jonny’s friend.

You wasted no time in sprinting towards the three men and they didn’t have enough time to change courses.

“Hey, you’re Ghost, right? Jonny’s LT? He talked about you a lot. Mainly ‘bout that mask.” You grinned, staring up at Ghost. “Is Jonny ‘round? He hasn’t written since last month. Startin’ to get worried.” You laughed as if to reassure yourself.

Gaz and Ghost exchange a look until the latter slowly holds up the urn. You pause, eyes wide. “You… you put him in that?” Suddenly, your face scrunches up. “Why is it shaped like that?”

Gaz can’t help but let out a small laugh. Yep, you’re Jonny’s alright.

“He talked about you often.” Price piped up, “Even wrote a few letters he never sent.” The older man handed you a stack of thick envelopes. “Think he was in love with ya.”

“Well, I appreciate that you came all the way to Scotland just to spread his ashes.” You softly sighed, blinking away tears. Ghost handed you the urn before digging around in his pocket, pulling out Jonny’s dog tags.

You stared down at the words inscribed into the metal, running your thumb over the neat writing. You flipped the tag over, lip trembling at the five words on the back.

I love you, Y/N - Jonny.

[seeingivy]

the sound of the applause

actor!eren x f!reader

**part of my method acting series

content: pain pre cursor.

an: songs mentioned - london boy by taylor swift, golden hour by jvke, girlfriend by avril lavigne. anyways. this chapter tame af. we are starting our demonic era. and no, you are not getting an eren pov until I say so. and I have covid so I am feeling extra evil and already writing the next one.

previous part linked here

--

You’re twelve years old the first time that you feel it. 

You have hippies to thank for the entire ordeal. In your small, small town in Canada, there’s very little tension or importance on the arts. Singing, dancing, acting - like many places around the world - fall short to the highs and lows that come with sports. 

Your middle school is no exception. A school that can barely spare money to fund a dying arts department, that begrudgingly offers one generalized art class that covers the basics of painting. Except when the hippy dippy parents in town petition, file a complaint with the mayor, they’re sequestered to include arts in all sectors that sports are included in. 

A law that opens doors insanely. And creates the opportunity that exposes you to it. The singer showcase at the football pep rally. 

And if you have to, you guess you have to thank food poisoning as well. Because Paulina, the original girl who was supposed to sing, was missing from first period that morning and you were all too quick to offer to take her spot. 

They give you that pitchy, old black microphone and let you sing your heart out to one of your favorite old songs, At Last by Etta James. And when you open your eyes, the recollection of the performance is wiped from your mind seconds after you finish, and there’s only one thing you remember. It rings so hard, the sound so loud in your eardrums that it’s all you feel. The rush of the blood, the eyes staring back at you, and your cheeks burning. 

When you think back, long and hard, that’s the first time it happens. The first time you feel it. It sits with you, that resounding pressure, that digs on you to give in. The need, the want, the infatuation with the rush you’re feeling. 

And the obsession with the sound of the applause.

--

“Y/N. Wake up.” 

You aggressively push your forehead into the plush of your pillow, creating a nice symphony of groaning songs in response to Danny, who is interrupting your beauty sleep. 

“How long has it been?” you murmur into the pillow, the stinging in your head and the fatigue sitting in your body telling you it couldn’t have even been an hour.

“An hour. But I just realized, the bridge didn’t come out right when I was mixing so you have to record it again.” 

“Can you come back in like three years? When I have the energy?” you groan. 

“Y/N. I’ll see you in five down there.” he definitively states, shuffling out of your room. 

Against every fiber of your being, you pull yourself out of the bed and drag yourself down to the studio, making it a point to glare at him as you re-record the bridge of the song you wrote yesterday. You give it a few tries, messing with the octaves and inflections, until you get a shining thumbs up, and wrap yourself into the blanket left on the couch. 

“You write anything new?” 

“Shut the fuck up.” 

You hold out your green book to Danny, opening it to the page marked, at which your producer is already wrinkling his nose. He hasn’t even read the lyrics yet, but you’re sure the title - Cry - is already setting him off. 

“You didn’t even read it yet.” you respond, frowning. 

“I don’t have to read it to know it’s brilliant. But you were there in that meeting last week and you know this isn’t what we can push out.” he responds, turning back to his soundboard, half-pulling his headphones back onto his ear. 

“Danny. I-I just haven’t been able to write songs like that lately. This is what’s coming out.” 

After nearly a year of writing music and touring, Danny and Sareen have leaned heavily into your Lover Girl branding. An affectionate term used by your fans, but now the entirety of the breadth that you work with. You’re widely known for the lovey dovey, sweet songs you write so when anything that falls outside of that mold, it isn’t stuff Danny and Sareen appreciate. 

But you haven’t been able to write any of that lately. Which only makes that resoundling, crackling, heavy pressure in your head worse. Like you’re defective.

He turns around in his swivel chair, taking the little bound book you’re holding out for him, as he starts flipping through the pages. The worn down book you were gifted on your birthday years ago is filled with every mess of lyrics you’ve written, though none of them are meeting the game plan that was set weeks ago. 

That announcement sent everyone on your team into a frenzy, which was so far from your initial reaction. 

First of all, it was a rumor. That you were one leg away from being a triple threat. Second, if it’s true, you’re ecstatic. Enthralled and honored and every feeling in between. That you were even in the consideration for being a triple threat, let alone a few feet away from it.  

No one else on your team saw it that way. Your producer, Danny, saw this as a sign that you need to be making more music and faster. The songs you make take you weeks to write at this point, no thanks to the perfectionism that comes with writing the lyrics and working out the sound. He’s set a goal for you - to write one song everyday. It makes it - that impending doom in your head - ten pounds heavier.

Your manager, Sareen, is no better. She only took this as a sign that you need to start being more vigilant. A hard-assed woman in her forties, Sareen is all about work ethic. That staying determined is the only way that you will get through this. And she’s extremely blunt when she tells you so. 

Stars don’t take breaks. If you want it that badly, you have to work harder. There’s six thousand things working against you, take it as a note that you need to be running faster. That you aren’t trying hard enough. Those are equivalent to dumbbells for that rock on your head, that you’re sure is responsible for pinching all your nerves. 

And it’s a matter of proving yourself. To Sareen, Danny, Eren, and everyone who watches you. 

You appreciate the push. It’s extremely draining, but worth it when your song releases are so anticipated that you’re selling millions of copies before the song comes out. Have sold out stadium tours, and are shortlisted for awards nearly every time you do something. 

You wake up. Get ready for the show. Memorize lines in between shows, film when you don’t have shows. Write songs on flights, produce through voice memos since you’re hardly in one place at a time. 

And when you think about it all, finally being a triple threat, finally getting to hear Eren say that he told you so like you said that first night on set together, it’ll all be worth it. It’ll be over. 

You can stop running. You can stroll, swim, make the music you like. So you oblige. This is part of the process, you just have to push through. There’s an end goal in sight. And being near Eren is a part of it. 

“Have you ever thought about writing a song about…Ricky James?” Danny asks, swinging around in his chair as he smiles at you. 

You wrinkle your nose as you throw the closest thing, an empty CD case, at Danny as he laughs back. 

“Ew, Danny. That’s so not a thing.” 

Ricky James, an infinite, insurmountable amount of talent, was your co-star on your last movie, Little Women. A British singer-songwriter, who virtually blew up over night. 

He was nice - definitely the charismatic, flirty type of co-star. You’re positive half of it is the accent. After the two of you started doing press for Little Women, everyone was swooning over the two of you together. At how you guys had a handshake, did your famous kiss scene in one take, and how in almost every interview, he made it a point to joke that he was in love with you. 

You get it. It works well for the press, gets people talking about the movie. But you could never like a guy like Ricky James. Or anyone who wasn’t Eren, for that matter. 

“I know it’s not a thing. You’re all goo goo ga ga over loverboy. But it’s the same thing that we did for Little Women. He used the fact that people like to speculate to his advantage. It wouldn’t hurt to do the same.” Danny responds, shrugging. 

“I already do use that to my advantage. It’s no secret that I earned my whole Lover Girl branding from writing love songs about Eren.” 

“Yeah, but you know how it’s been for Eren lately. Maybe it’s not the best thing that your name is attached to him anymore? For both of you?” Danny states. 

Eren’s had a rough go of it lately. After Satellite Port failed and the joke they made at the awards show last year, he’s all but resigned into what you call hiding. He said that he’s just busy, focusing on landing new roles and getting more credits under his belt. You know that he recently signed a deal with Scott Clarkson to film five movies with his studio, which is promising. 

But you know Eren too well. He’s retreating, hiding in all senses of the word. From you too. The texts he used to send you - good luck before every show, a good morning even though you were on different sides of the world - have ceased all together. And the few seconds you do catch him, he seems worlds away. 

And it’s not just you who has caught onto it. The last time you saw Historia, when she came to watch your show, she mentioned that she was concerned about him, that she thinks he’s being a little bit self destructive by working with Stone Studios. That Scott Clarkson is not a good idea. 

Granted, Scott Clarkson is buddy buddy with John. You know that’s a touchy subject for her and made it a point to bring it up to Eren. To see if he was okay. But you were flying out for a tour and forgot to. And then he started showing up in the press again, hanging out with the cast he’s been working with, so you figured it was fine. That he’s going out again, smiling in photos. 

“That-that’s not true. He’s on the come up - he’s going to be the lead in the Gatsby remake that Stone Studios is doing. I’m sure he’ll get an award for it.” 

“There’s no need to get defensive. I’m just saying it doesn’t hurt to expand your horizons. Triple threats are awarded for being versatile, not sticking with what’s easy. Maybe you just need to push the boundary of what you think you can do.” he says, giving your forehead a tap.  

“It kind of feels like cheating to write a song about someone that’s not him.” you murmur, looking down at the pages in your hand. Eren’s handwriting is scribbled onto the invisible string page. Hell was the journey but it brought me heaven. 

“You know, Sareen’s not too keen about this relationship. And I know that Eren’s team isn’t either.” Danny states. 

“Who are they to tell us who we can date?” 

“It’s not about who you can date. It-it’s about the image. Tying your name to his doesn’t exactly always work in your favor, Y/N. There’s no loyalty in an industry like this. And for Eren’s case, you’ve never really helped him in that sense. When you stand together, with the success you’ve had, all they see is a failure in Eren, when he’s really not even that bad.” 

“People’s comparisons aren’t my fault. And Eren’s doing fine, he-he’s okay.” 

“Now, he is. But a few months ago, it was your name next to his that was dragging him down. If it comes down to triple threats and it’s between you and him, are you telling me that you would really pick him over you?” 

Yes. One thousand times, yes. Though you know that’s not the answer Danny wants. 

“You have to be more selfish, Y/N. And maybe that’s selfless for Eren's sake too. There isn’t room for the both of you, right now. I know you love him, but Sareen has a point. Is working this hard worth it if you don’t get what you want out of it? You and Eren have all the time in the world to be together, just focus on your career before him.” 

You frown, staring at the wrinkles pressed up against his forehead. 

“You can have what you want - have your cake and eat it too, write all these corny love songs about him after you make it. Stop running when you’re actually there, kid.” 

You look down at the pages, the thoughts floating through your mind, as the lyrics start spilling out. For your first song that’s not about Eren. 

London Boy. 

--

You try to make a point to call Eren before releases. Key word, try. 

But it doesn’t happen that way. Because Eren’s in Los Angeles and you’re in Tokyo and the time difference messes the two of you up so bad that when they surprise drop London Boy, you don’t get to warn Eren beforehand. 

And when he texts you about it, you can feel the guilt creeping into your chest. Because you know he’s too nice to say what he actually thinks about it. If it were you, you’d wring Eren’s neck out for writing a song like this about his co-star he’s rumored to be dating. But Eren is Eren and he would never. 

eren: “he likes my american smile?” babe, you’re canadian. 

eren: i like the song. really. 

you: i have dual citizenship. 

you: eren. i’m so so sorry. i meant to tell you before but the time differences, we just kept missing each other. you know i don’t mean any of it, right? 

you: it’s just a marketing thing danny and sareen planned. the song will be a hit if people are speculating who it’s about and stuff. 

eren: i figured. you don’t have to explain yourself to me!!!! 

eren: you’re a pop princess <3

eren: and currently number one on the billboard hot 100 for the fourth time in a row!!! 

You nearly throw your phone across the room at the notifications, the frustration building so hard that it’s all pouring out of your head. You can see the stack of gifts at the front of the room - candies from Falco and Colt, as well as Marco, Historia, and Reiner - for the release.

And it’s moments like this, when you’ve been running so fast and pushing so hard, that you resort to one of your worst tendencies. Because the only thing that helps you when you feel like this is being a masochist. Feeling bad only makes you want to feel worse. Like you deserve it. 

So you inflict it on yourself. By reading what people say about you online. 

You reach back for your phone - ignoring the messages from Armin, Bertholdt, and Levi - as you scroll to Twitter, hiding the light of the phone under your sheets as you look through the app. 

You look at the trending tab. Y/N L/N, London Boy, Ricky James, Eren Jaeger, and love is dead are trending. 

You press your bolded name and swipe to the recents tab, scrolling through every tweet, each one categorizing, sticking in your mind as you scroll. A mix of the good, the bad, and the ugly. 

That you’re pretty. That you’re ugly. That you have no personality, that you write mediocre songs, that you’re the best actress from Attack on Titan. That you’re lucky for bagging Ricky James and Eren, that you’re too good for Eren, that you’re horrible for writing the song. 

You place the phone flat on the sheets, the absence of light making your eyes sting, as the tears string out of your eyes. 

You want to make your cake and eat it too. 

But is it even worth it if this is how you have to get there? 

--

You stick your hand out, swinging it in the air with Ricky as you do your handshake, and plop onto the couch. Danny and Sareen called a meeting with Ricky’s team before you guys went to the wrap party for The Proposal, which is the only thing on your calendar that you were actually looking forward to this month. 

Because Annie and Armin are the leads and because you know Levi and Hange are going to be there. 

“This is Michael and Nancy. They’re my talent managers.” Ricky states, pointing out the two people across from you. 

“Sareen and Danny. Sareen’s my manager and Danny’s my producer.” 

“Is he behind the genius of London Boy?” Ricky asks, smirking at you. 

“Shut up. London Boy isn’t about you, Ricky.” 

“Oh, shut up. I know I’m your muse.” 

The line sits in your stomach wrong, because all you can think about is Eren. Seventeen year old Eren, shimmering green eyes on that empty set when you wrote New Year’s Day. You shake your head as Danny turns to the two of you, a smile on his face. 

“We have an idea.” Danny states, a smile on his face. 

You and Ricky nod as Nancy and Sareen start laying out the plan, each consecutive word twisting horribly in your stomach. 

Surely they can’t be serious. 

“We think that the two of you should date, as a PR move.” Sareen states, handing over a folder to you. 

There’s dates listed out, public places where they want you and Ricky to meet at, and songs they want you to release about each other. All down to the slated releases, ideas for album covers, and interviews they want you to do. 

“This is part of Y/N’s triple threat campaign. I think putting in this whole ruse of a relationship and writing songs about it, especially if there’s some part of it that will be drama because of Eren and Lana, it’s even better.” 

“Lana?” you ask. 

“She’s Ricky’s old girlfriend. They aren’t dating anymore, which is something that we should capitalize on. For the both of you. This should get Ricky into the leagues for the Album of the Year award when he releases next year.” Nancy states, flipping through the pages. 

You look over at Ricky, ready to fully shut down the idea. But when you turn your head to him, he’s flipping through the pages, writing down his own ideas in the folder. 

“Ricky. You’re not actually considering this, are you?” you whisper. 

“You aren’t?” 

“I’m dating Eren. No, I’m not considering fake dating you for the press.” 

“Eren, who was seen on a date with Myka yesterday? Right.” he states bluntly, flipping through the pages. 

“That’s just tabloids, Ricky. Be serious.” 

“And so is this. Myka and Eren are in a movie together. You and I are musicians. You can do the same thing as him and I bet you he wouldn’t even care. And he shouldn’t, because your career comes first.” Ricky states, leaning forward on his knees to discuss more with Danny and Sareen. 

You flip through the folder again, each consecutive page filled with more and more details of how they want you and Ricky to pretend. And the last page has the words bolded, little stars around them. 

Y/N gets triple threat status! Ricky gets Album of the Year! 

“Y/N. Have your cake and eat it too.” Danny warns, a reminder of what you’re supposed to be prioritizing. 

“This is the time to run, Y/N. You’re almost there.” Sareen affirms, the two of them nodding as they look at you. 

And by the way five of them are staring at you, big eyes filled with anticipation as they wait for your response, you know you can’t say no. That insurmountable pressure - to please, to be successful, to be the best - wins out, every time.

Danny’s produced for three different hit pop stars. Sareen’s managed some of the biggest names in the industry. And you have no idea who Nancy and Michael even are, but if they’re working with Ricky, they’ve got to be in the big leagues. 

You put the folder down, giving all of them a nod, as they all erupt into cheers. Ricky leans forward to give you a kiss on the cheek, which you tell him to save for the cameras, as you take the folder and walk out. 

And figure out how you’re going to tell Eren. 

--

You head to the wrap party three hours later and any excitement you had about the event is immediately drained when you know that Eren’s going to be there and you have to talk to him about it. Break up with him. 

“Y/N!” 

You turn around to find Armin and Annie, the two of them wrapping their arms around you as they press kisses to your cheeks. You try to stifle the literal tears that are making their way to your eyes at the sight of them, their blue eyes the same soft ones you’ve always known. 

“Annie. Armin. I’m so excited for the movie, I’m sure it’s going to be great.” you say, squeezing both of their hands. 

Two of your shyest friends still, they’re both blushing at the praise as Connie and Sasha walk up. You’re wrapping your arms around all of them, as everyone else - Reiner, Mikasa, and Jean - join you. 

“So Y/N. London Boy, huh?” Connie asks, smirking. 

“Did you guys know that Eren is from London?” Sasha says, sarcastically. 

“Oh, quit it. It’s just one of those PR things. The triple threat thing made them all go crazy.” you respond. 

“We respect the hustle, Y/N.” Connie states, mock saluting you with Jean. 

“There is no press better than you and Eren releasing Medicine and Dress on the same day.” Mikasa states, earning a bunch of laughter from the group. 

“Oh god. Don’t remind me. Whore move, from the both of you.” Reiner says, pinching your cheek. Connie mocks the ah ah ah, from Dress, which has you all laughing.

You smack his hand off as Marco slings his hand around your shoulders, squeezing hard and smiling at you so big, in earnest, that it makes your chest hurt. 

“Can you believe it? You’re so close to it, Y/N - I can feel it.” Marco says, leaning forward to press a kiss onto your cheek. 

You reach up to squish the plush of his cheek as Marco mimics your movements, the two of you smiling at each other. And then you feel two warm hands on your shoulder and turn around to see Eren, soft green eyes looking into yours. 

And it makes you burst into tears. Soft green eyes, albeit a little tired looking, and Eren’s hair all grown out. When did Eren grow his hair out to his Season Three length? The last time you saw him, it was so short. He looks the same. He feels far away. And that pressure in your head is resounding. 

“Yeesh.” Connie says at the sight of your spilling tears, earning quiet laughs from everyone. 

Eren brings his hand up to your cheek, swiping the wetness away, as he glares at Connie. 

“Connie.” Eren warns, the tone in his voice threatening. 

“Sorry. Just missed him, that’s all.” you respond, wiping the last of the wetness off your face as they all smile at you. 

“Man, every time I see one of you, you’re crying.” Hange says from behind you, the group of you turning your heads and immediately tackling them and Levi into hugs. Eren reaches for Hange first and you go for Levi, his stupid minty smell making your tears return. 

You look up at Levi, who's glaring at you, and can’t help but smile. 

“Levi. You could at least pretend you’re happy to see me.” 

“I am happy to see you. But not when you’re crying in public. You two are going to give me an ulcer.” he states, frowning as he glares at Eren at your side. 

You look over at Eren, the end of what Hange said catching up with you. 

“You cried in front of them? About what, Eren?” you ask, voice soft. 

“Ah. Nothing.” Eren responds, cheeks lightly pink as he runs his hand through his hair. 

You both let go of Hange and Levi as Armin and Annie take to the makeshift stage, giving a little speech about their time on the film and how grateful they are for everyone in the room for supporting them. And as they do, Eren jabs his elbow into your side. 

“Ow. What gives?” you whisper. 

Eren places hand on his chest, feigning shock. 

“Don’t tell me you forgot our secret hand signals already?” he whispers. 

Jab in the side. Meaning, you need a second to talk, away from everyone. 

“As if.” you respond, giving a nod to his sign. 

He gives you a smile as you both turn your heads back to Annie and Armin, who are playing the trailer on the screen now. And when they finish, the resounding noise of the claps are the last thing you and Eren hear when you go out to the balcony, the cold air surrounding you both. 

You wrap your hands around your arms, which Eren picks up on too fast and suddenly he’s taking his coat off and wrapping it around you. Making a point to pull your hair out of the collar, hands focused on fixing your hair around your face. 

“Eren.” 

“Yes?” 

“I-” 

The words die on your tongue. Because here he is, the perfect green eyes you fell in love with staring at you in the lamplight of the dark, and you can’t say it. You can’t shatter his heart into pieces or be the one to let him go. 

When he’s one of the only things you’ve wanted.

“I know how you feel, Y/N. You don’t have to say it.” he whispers, hands tucking your hair behind your ears before letting go. 

You can feel the tears spilling out of your eyes as you frown at him, the look on his face so pained that it hurts. 

“I’m guessing they don’t want you to see me, at least not for right now?” Eren asks. 

You nod, aggressively wiping away the wetness on your cheeks as you reach for his hands, squeezing three times. You hate that he knows. That Danny and Sareen think he isn’t good enough for you. When you’ve always been the one who was never in the same league as him. 

That Eren was the one who defended you when you were there, but no one’s letting you do it for him. 

“I still love you, Eren. You-you know that?” 

“I know that.” he whispers, nodding. His eyes are focused on your hands, interlocked with his. He reaches in for your bicep, fingers tracing over the fish tattoo right above your elbow. 

“Fishbowl, Y/N. We’ll come back to each other when it’s time. Just don’t be a stranger.” he says. 

You nod, reaching forward and wrapping your arms around him as you nearly sob into his chest, his voice soothing your hiccuping, even though you’re the one who just smashed him into pieces. And when Eren wraps his hands around your cheeks, giving you one last lingering kiss, before walking away, you can’t help but sit there in the cold, his jacket wrapped around you and letting the tears bite on your skin. 

--

You close your phone, giving Ricky a glowing smile, as you both settle into your seats at the Institute Music Awards. The two of you officially went public earlier today, though you’re both still denying any rumors that you’re dating. 

“How does Ricky compare to Eren?” 

You try to hide your scoff as you answer, trying your best to stay neutral in your response to avoid becoming a headline the next day. 

“I’ll always have so much love for Eren. We grew up together and really came into this hand in hand and no one could ever really take that away. And there’s no bad blood between us, we’ll always be best friends.” you respond, giving them a polite smile as you walk away and swallow hard. 

You can see Eren twenty feet down, in a specially designed suit that he looks wonderful in, smiling for the cameras. He’s standing in between Hyla and Myka, since their film is premiering in a few days. 

“You look green, doll.” 

You turn around to find Sukuna, who you fake punch in the shoulder and glare at, before pulling him in for a hug. 

“You sure you’re not talking about yourself? That’s your girl down there.” 

“Jesus, Y/N. Don’t ever associate me with her again.” Sukuna mutters, rolling his eyes. 

“Oh? Was it not you saying she wasn’t that bad when we were kids?” you tease, poking into the soft of his cheek. 

“Well, that was before I found everything out. I’d say a prayer for your boy over there, he’s about to get himself into a gnarly mess he won’t be able to get out of.” Sukuna responds, eyes focused on Eren and Hyla posing together a few feet down. 

“What do you mean?” you ask, linking your arm with his as the two of you walk down, past him. You make it a point to attempt to make eye contact with Eren, but he’s too focused on Hyla that he misses you all together. 

“I just mean…he’s about to get himself involved in things he shouldn’t. And you should stay far away.” Sukuna states, giving Ricky a polite smile as he joins you at your side. Sukuna gives you one last kiss on the cheek before Ricky links his arm with yours, dragging you to your seats. 

You both settle into the seats, giving Marco a big smile as he sits next to you. 

“Hey. Where’s Hisu? I saw her name card here earlier but it’s not here anymore.” you whisper, as the lights start dimming ahead. 

Marco winces, giving you an awkward smile as he puts his hand over yours and squeezes. 

“She doesn’t want to sit with Ricky. Or you.” 

“Oh.” 

“Just for today, Y/N. Because of the history and all that, you-you know that.” 

You shake your head, ignoring the stinging, as you give Marco a half-hearted smile, nodding. 

“No yeah. I get it. I’ll talk to her soon.” 

“Okay.” Marco responds, giving you a smile. 

You make it a point to do your best throughout the awards show, fake whispering in Ricky’s ears every time the camera is on you two, holding hands and comparing hand sizes, letting him tuck your hair behind your ear once and a while. 

And it’s all going great and peachy, until Hyla gets called on stage to perform. You crane your neck back to find Sukuna, giving him a warning glance as he rolls his eyes, making the motion that he’s choking himself. 

One of the most insane things about Hyla and Sukuna’s beef? The fact that they perform and write songs about each other, that are so insanely written, that they trend for weeks. 

You’re sure Hyla and Sukuna are what Danny and Sareen dream about in their free time. 

Hyla gets on stage, giving everyone a soft smile as a few of the girls join her on stage, adjusting their microphones. You can feel Ricky squeezing your hand hard, his jaw clenched. 

“You good?” 

“The lineup. Hyla, Myka, and Lana.” he responds, glaring at the three of them. 

You focus your eyes on the third girl, Lana, who is Ricky’s ex-girlfriend. The only reason he wants to fake date you. Apparently, the two of them broke up after you and Ricky started trending, her insecurities about the people’s words overruling any reassurance that Ricky could give her. 

“This is my new song, it’s called Girlfriend. I hope you all like it.” Hyla says, giving a smile as the upbeat music starts. 

Hey, hey, you, you  I don’t like your girlfriend  No way, no way I think you need a new one Hey, hey, you, you I could be your girlfriend

You lean back as you observe the visuals and the line of backup dancers supporting the three of them singing, their performance extremely upbeat and punk pop star that you can’t help but tap your feet to the beat of the song. 

That’s until they reach the bridge. When Hyla pulls one of the back-up dancers from the background to the front and Lana pulls Eren on stage, the two of them are seated on the makeshift chairs on the stage. Hyla’s singing around Eren, rolling her eyes at the back-up dancer. 

Who's wearing the exact outfit that you wear on your tour, a sparkly, billowing pink dress. And when you take her in properly, you realize that she’s supposed to be you. The same hairstyle, eye color, skin tone. You can feel your throat dry as you watch Eren’s cheeks tinted pink on stage as Hyla sings around him, the entire audience erupting into cheers. 

(Oh) In a second, you'll be wrapped around my finger  'Cause I can, 'cause I can do it better There's no other, so when's it gonna sink in? She's so stupid, what the hell were you thinkin'?

You feel Marco’s hand on yours, squeezing hard, as you focus in on the performance, trying to ignore the fact that the big, black camera is shining on your face and that everyone in the room is looking at you. And that millions of people must be talking about it at home. You turn back to give Levi a look and he shakes his head, mouthing don’t cry which you halfheartedly nod in response too. 

Jean and Armin have switched seats with the two girls behind you, their hands on your shoulders, squeezing, as Eren and Hyla walk off stage, hand in hand past the back up dancer who’s supposed to be you - who's crying fake buckets of tears now. 

And when it’s all done and over, you skip the afterparties and let Mikasa drive you home. She tucks you into your sheets, making it a point to help you wipe all your makeup off and leave a bottle of water by your bed, you sink into your sheets and do it again. Let that overwhelming, embarrassing, deep rooted hatred sink in. 

And pull up Twitter. Read about how everyone hates you. Relive the most embarrassing thing that’s happened to you yet. Stare at pictures of Eren and Hyla and ignore the resounding sound of the applause the two of them received.

--

next part linked here

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pls comment on this post or any of the chapters if you want to be added to the taglist <3

[luvistqrzzz]

and i've seen sparks fly everytime you smile...

sparks fly— where you think the sleepy boy walking you back home is cute...

jungwon x f.reader genre: fluff, high school au, classmates to ?? wc: 0.5k warnings: none part of what shade is our love series

your footsteps echoed in the empty hallway as you quickly walked towards your classroom. you must have forgotten your notebook somewhere there.

arriving at the door, you stopped in your tracks at the sight that greets you, your stomach doing a sudden flip.

yang jungwon.

he was sleeping, sprawled over the desk, the sunlight filtering in through the stained windows falling on his face. you stood there, unsure of whether to wake him up or not.

maybe you should considering how the gates would be locked in half an hour or so and you weren't cruel enough to let a poor boy be stuck in the school for so long.

you nervously walked up to his sleeping figure, oberseving the way his face looked so calm. it was not something you saw often. jungwon was always busy with studies, student council and what not.

he was so etheral that you had to stop yourself from being creepy and looking away. it wasn't like yang jungwon was your crush. he was a classmate, a very helpful one. always willing to lend a hand, or give a smile across the hallways.

but then again, you didn't miss the way your heart raced everytime he talked to you.

'uh jungwon…' you whispered, scared of how he would react to your sudden presence. 'school is finished, uhm… get up.'

hearing the sudden voice, the boy woke up with a start. 'who- what?!' he spoke in a sleepy voice before noticing you, face to face with him.

jungwon gulped at the sight of your face, his cheeks turning a shade darker, 'Oh, uh… y/n?!'

realizing the position you were in, you jumped back embarrassed, 'y-yeah… It's time to go.'

he looked around the empty classroom to avoid any further eye contact with his crush standing in front of him, before stuffing the books into his bag and getting up and following you out of the classroom.

jungwon took in a deep breath, stealing a quick glance at your direction and mustering up some courage, 'hey..... shouldwewalkbackhometogether?' it's now or never

you turned towards him in confusion, 'erm you need to calm down jungwon.'

'should we walk back home together?' he repeated, emphasising on each word, looking cute doing so. you couldn't hide the smile that spread across your face as you gave a quick nod.

jungwon couldn't believe it. he had always wanted to talk to you outside the formal 'hello' and 'how are you' and there you were, walking beside him with a small skip in your step. you chuckled at something he said only to find him looking at you softly.

your heart sped up, 'what?' the boy turned around, embaressed, 'n-nothing! oh look, i think we have arrived.'

you looked at your house at the other side of the street, 'i'm afraid so.' you pouted, not wanting to leave him. 'we should talk m-' '-you're cute, jungwon', you both said at the same moment. your ears turned pink as the realization hit you of what you had just said.

uh oh. 'okay bye see you at school!' you squeaked before sprinting in the opposite direction.

jungwon looked at your disappearing figure in a daze. did you really call him cute?

an: if this sounds cringe then its probably because im bad in writing fluff (wow whats happening ?!) but i had a classmate!jw brainrot lmao,,, also some parts are taken from a jeongin hc i wrote in my prev acc hehe ^^!! rbs and feedbacks are vv appreciated <3!

networks: @enhanet @en-web @k-films @hyfenet

permanent taglist open- send an ask- @rikizm @str0l0gy @yenqa @heetoldme @crxzs @s00buwu lmk if yall ever want to be removed its totally fine :D!!

[miss-celestial-being]

Tutor

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request | masterlist

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𝑝𝑎𝑖𝑟𝑖𝑛𝑔: eddie munson x gn!reader

𝑠𝑦𝑛𝑜𝑝𝑠𝑖𝑠: my life atm + my dreams :')

𝑐𝑜𝑛𝑡𝑒𝑛𝑡 𝑤𝑎𝑟𝑛𝑖𝑛𝑔𝑠: self-indulgent, probably really bad, not edited, honestly didnt know how to end it, talks about self-worth, fluff

𝑤𝑜𝑟𝑑 𝑐𝑜𝑢𝑛𝑡: 2.5k

𝑎𝑢𝑡ℎ𝑜𝑟’𝑠 𝑛𝑜𝑡𝑒𝑠:

this is fully, 100% self-indulgent i was gonna stop writing this hallway through but decided to finish it enjoy my emotional baggage <3

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The sun is far too hot for spring. The clouds are few and sparse. You look up at the sky and huff at the light shining brightly inhy6jm7u your eyes. You look down at your book again, cursing the giant star for turning your pages a bright white, and silently suffer as you wish you had remembered your sunglasses. You sigh and close your book defeatedly, the corner of the page snagging and folding slightly. Just as you feel this day couldn't get any worse, you look up to find your friend and her boyfriend walking toward you from the cafeteria.

"Hey," Your friend says as she sits across from you. You remember a time when she'd sit beside you as you laughed at something your shared English teacher did, but now your seat is taken by the person forced into your circle. You smile back, squinting through the blinding rays. You pick up your headphones from their spot resting on your shoulders and place them over your ears, pressing play on your walkman as your friend's boyfriend begins droning on about his awesome life and awesome spots game and whatnot, holding your friend far too close to be appropriate for school.

You shield your book with your body, hoping to block the words enough to read them. Every day has been like this since the school year started; like an insufferable cycle that started with your lack of contact with your only friend over the summer. Whilst you were wasting away in your room, barely holding yourself together, your friend started dating the boy she hated the year prior. And on top of that, she only told you when you all went to the campus before school started to pick up your schedules; they had been dating for over a month already.

You look at the ground, your book still open to the same page it had been on thirty minutes ago and your mind wanders. You know this is your fault; if you had made more friends, if you were more likable, if you had kept in touch, if, if, if. The bell rings and you stand robotically. It's become a habit, leaving the moment that deafening sound echoes throughout the school. The sweet relief of leaving the bleachers, of leaving the space that makes you feel like you're worthless or unimportant.

When you pass people you know from class, they wave politely and you put on that same fake smile you've mastered. You stop at your locker and that smile falls, the vandalized metal acting as a shield for your pain. You open your backpack and switch out your textbooks as you do every day before heading to your next and final class. Head down, feet moving rhythmically; left, right, left, right. You stop at your math classroom and close your eyes as you fall into your seat at the back of the class.

The bell rings again a few minutes later and your eyes snap open as your teacher begins class. The seats around you are mostly empty with half the class deciding they'd rather fail than come to this mental health death sentence. You don't blame them, really, but your grades are already bad as it is, and your mom has been riding your ass on fixing them, and if you fail this semester, you won't get the credits you need to leave this heaping pile of shit that is high school, that is your life, that is everything you are in this place.

Your mind goes numb as you put your pencil to your paper and begin copying the equations the teacher wrote. "Shit, sorry," You head from the front of the class and your eyes flick up to find a mess of curls flying through the doorway, "Sorry I'm late. I was all the way across the school when the bell rang." The teacher looks down his nose at the person and sighs as he takes the late slip from their hand, "Go to your seat, Mr. Munson. And watch your language in my class, or that'll be another detention." The boy nods with an apologetic crooked grin and you watch as he walks to the back of the class. He glances at you and you quickly look back to the board, ignoring the shuffling sounds beside you as he sits in the empty seat next to you.

"I'm Eddie," The boy whispers loudly as he leans closer, his eyes trained on you. You look away from the board and turn your head, eyes nearly crossing as you find his face inches from yours. He pulls back with that intoxicating smile and he looks to the front of the class, twirling his pen absentmindedly. You mumble your name and he hums as he looks back at you, "Didn't catch that," He says and you clear your throat as you spot the teacher eyeing you. You look down at your notes and wait a few seconds before repeating, a little louder this time. He--Eddie--repeats it, as though testing it out on his lips, and you watch as his mouth moves to shape each letter, your stomach doing flips with every syllable.

He leans over to glance at your notes, copying them down messily as he attempts to catch up with whatever he missed in the minutes he was late. "Mr. Munson, I suggest you keep your eyes on the board. You've already failed this class once, would you like a repeat of last year?" You frown and will yourself to speak up, closing your eyes and taking a deep breath before saying, "I was just lending him my notes since he was late." The teacher hums, "Well, then, I would prefer if you'd do so on your own time." He continues with the lesson and you continue writing your notes, now adding as much detail and instruction as you can possibly manage, trying your best to ignore the looks you receive from the class, as well as the boy beside you.

The bell rings again an hour later and you jump slightly as your papers fall out of your folder; the cardstock has nearly disintegrated after years of putting it through the works. "Shit," You mumble as you bend down to pick them up, praying to whatever deity will listen that you don't start crying in front of everybody. You find yourself accompanied on the floor and you look up through your unshed tears. "Here," Eddie says as he hands you a stack of crumpled papers. You thank him quietly and take the worksheets from his calloused hands, your fingers brushing his, sending a chill down your spine.

"If you need those notes," You say after shoving your things into your backpack, "I would lend them to you." He smiles, "I don't think notes are gonna help me much at this point, but thanks for the offer." Silence falls over you as you walk through the halls toward the exit of the school until you finally break it, "I could help you," You mumble, "If you're struggling. I don't have the best grades to prove it, but I understand the concepts." "That'd be great," His grin reaches his eyes and it lights up the room, and, deep down, you wonder what it feels like to smile for real, despite having felt it at some point. He continues, "I have my club on Tuesday nights, but I'm free every other day after school. Or if you want, we could work in the library at lunch?" You nod almost too quickly at the opportunity to spend lunches anywhere but the bleachers. "I can do lunch," You reply and his grin widens, "Great, do you wanna start tomorrow?" You nod in response as you look down at the ground, watching as your feet move left, right, left, right, left, right.

"I'll see you tomorrow, then," Eddie waves as he walks in the direction of his van; the brown vehicle sticks out like a sore thumb amongst the slew of Mustangs and BMWs. You wave back just as he turns and your hand drops in time with your faint smile as you begin your walk home.

-

"Hey," Eddie calls out, gaining a dirty look from the librarian. You're cheeks grow hot as you wave and sit beside him. You look down at the stacked textbooks and notebooks and you frown, "I'm sorry," You say, "I didn't mean to keep you waiting." He shakes his head, "No, no, no, I got here early. Figured I could catch up on some work for other classes while I waited. So far I've finished half of one assignment in the last hour, but progress is progress." You exhale through your nose amusedly as you take a seat beside him. "Did you skip class?" "Nah," He replies, "I have a free period. They only make you retake Gym so many times," He leans in close, "I'm not exactly the most athletic person if you hadn't noticed." "I hadn't," You say under your breath, gaze glued to his lips before you turn your head away just as his lips twitch with a small smile.

You talk him through a few formulas and help him work through some problems before the bell cuts you off with a deafening shriek. "Whelp," Eddie sighs, "That's time. This was fun-- which is something I never thought I'd say about math," He snickers at his own words and you smile fondly at his expression. "I had fun too," You smile at your shoes as you walk side-by-side to the door. "I'll see you tomorrow? We have a test, right? Maybe you could tutor me again during lunch so I'm prepared." You agree before you part ways, your smile finally reaching your eyes in a way that feels foreign yet so, so right.

-

"Hey," Eddie calls out just like yesterday, and, just like yesterday, the librarian sends him a dirty look, although it has softened just a smidge. "How was your day?" The boy asks and you reply with a simple 'good'. He groans, "That's not an answer, sweetheart." "It was, though," You reply, shrugging. "Tell me about it," He prompts, "Did you do anything fun? Did everyone absolutely suck like they always do in this prison?" You laugh, "It was just kinda boring." "'Was', So it's not anymore?" Your eyes lock with his and your smile remains as you shake your head, "Not in the slightest." "You flatter me, really."

With your chairs scooted just barely closer than yesterday, you try to ignore the butterflies in your stomach at the feeling of his arm brushing yours.

"That's just about as much as I know," You finally say with another thirty minutes before the bell, "If you fail, we both fail." "Maybe it'll be more fun with you." You smile bashfully as you close your textbook. "You should hang out at my table at lunch. It's usually just for club members, but we could make an exception." You freeze. Your body immediately goes to decline, your head shaking involuntarily. "I don't want to intrude," You sputter as you watch his face fall in disappointment.

You do this to every good thing; ruin it. You wash away any good, wipe away the smiles of those around you with your presence. You're a hazard, a threat to any joy in a person. You don't deserve this happiness if all you do is ruin it for others, if all you do is ruin everything.

Eddie shakes his head in protest, "You wouldn't be intruding. I want you there. I'm sure the others would like you." His breathtaking smile graces your soul once again and your thoughts fade into nothing but giddiness as your gaze locks onto his lips. "Okay," You hear yourself whisper before you can register what that means for you, for Eddie and his friends, for your friend--if she could still be called that. Eddie's smile grows again and your worries disappear as a twin smile forms on your own face.

The bell cuts off the force that seemed to be pulling you closer to the boy before you and you clear your throat as you pack up your things. Your hand brushes his as you walk to Math class, the two of you are both immensely unprepared for the test, but none of that matters.

After you turn in the test to the front, you sit down next to Eddie and he quickly scribbles something down on a torn piece of paper.

'want to go a ride home after school?'

You look up at his anxious smile and nod as you hand the paper back, the word 'yes' written beneath his own sloppy writing. He takes it back before the teacher yells at the class, "There will be no passing of notes during a test." You and Eddie share a look, hiding your laugh behind your hand as you await the bell.

-

"I know it's a little unconventional, but she gets the job done," Eddie says as he taps on the dented metal on the side of his van after helping you into the passenger seat. "Thanks for driving me," You say as you pull the seatbelt across your body. "No problem, sweetheart," You want to kiss him senseless whenever he calls you that. Your heart races and your palms go sweaty, and if you weren't in high school, you'd fear it were a heart attack with the way your heart skips a beat.

You tell him your address and lean against your hand with your arm resting on the center console. "Do you wanna make a small detour?" Eddie asks after a quiet moment. You shrug, "Sure, where to?" "I thought we could stop at this one place near Lover's Lake." Your eyebrows furrow, "You mean the town hookup spot?" You ask and he nearly chokes as he finds his words, "No, I--" He clears his throat, "It's a small beach just outside the trailer park." You hum, "Never been." "I found it when I was younger. Never seen anyone there when I go, so I don't think many people know about it."

He stops at the next stop sign and turns to you, awaiting your answer before he continues. You look into his eyes, nodding as you smile softly, and he skips the turn to your neighborhood as he keeps straight. He drives for a few minutes more before turning into a narrow path that was definitely not made for cars. You now understand the scratches in the paint.

"We're here," He says as he stops the car and you look at the water run over the pebble-filled sand through the windshield. You smile at the peaceful view and look to your left to speak when you're cut off with lips pressing to yours, a hand resting on your cheek. You close your eyes and lean into the kiss, smiling softly and you silently reassure yourself that you won't ruin this; not when you have him to distract you from your faults with one lopsided smile.

[djwiththejd]

The Fall of the House of Usher (2023) Episode 1

A foreword, of sorts: If someone had told me in high school or even college that I would willingly sit down to watch a horror tv show, I would have laughed in their face. Who knew it would take my college professor Emma's teachings of Pym and my first foray into Critical Theory that I brought with me to law school to get to this point. I haven't even finished watching School Spirits yet so the depression has really taken me for a ride, but my boyfriend says I need a hobby, and I spent two and a half hours and 7 and a half pages of notes on just the first episode of this show, so I'm going to write about it because I miss writing.

If you're here from twitter, may the gods have mercy on your soul.

Now, let's move on to business. My recap of Episode 1 of The Fall of The House of Usher. There will be spoilers for the Poe stories as well as detailed commentary of the events within the episode, so obviously I'm going to put a SPOILER WARNING for whatever you read below. Also, since the first episode introduces the story and the characters, it will probably be long as heck and full of background that no one but me cares about because I'm a huge nerd. I don't care if you skim. Read at your own peril; stay tuned for danger.

Firstly, let's talk about the original short story and see if Wikipedia can help me write a good, short summary of the premise/plot of that story. From within the first two minutes of the show, I can tell that we are going to deviate wildly from the plot.

In the original short story, published in 1839, the tale is told by an unnamed narrator who has been called to the House of Usher at the behest of his childhood friend Roderick Usher who is ill and needs help. Roderick and his twin Madeline are the only living members of the Usher family left alive in their family mansion. One thing that high school teachers everywhere probably tried to teach their students is to pay attention to the narrator's notice of a thin crack that extends from the roof, down the house, and into the nearby lake. This may be important later, but for me right now, I view it as a double entendre. Spoiler alert, at the end of the original short story, both Roderick and Madeline die, leading to the "fall" of the House of Usher, in that the last two living descendants die and therefore end the family name, and also the literal "fall" of the house, the family mansion that they lived in.

I have to admit I watched the first two minutes, tweeted about it, then got so engrossed about halfway through the episode that I grabbed a legal pad and started the episode from the beginning.

Firstly, the opening starts with a countdown to New Year's 1980 before we see a quick image of a cawing raven and a creepy vision of Carla Gugino's smiling face. The episode is titled "A Midnight Dreary," a line from Poe's "The Raven," so at this point I'm confused because obviously this is a completely different short story, but I roll with it. Unfortunately, I didn't have the foresight last night to look ahead and see what the other episode titles were, because then I would have probably understood the plot a little better.

We cut now to a stained glass window in a church (hello Jesus symbolism, can't wait to ponder you later) and then the pastor seems to be giving a eulogy about three dead people. We cut to an older gentleman with a teen girl sitting behind him who seems to be remembering 6 different visions. Side note: I googled the eulogy, and it cobbles together various lines from Poe's poems as well as quotes that are ascribed to Poe. At this point I guess that the older man and older women in sunglasses are the twins, and wonder who the teen girls are behind each of them before seeing MARK MOTHERFUCKING HAMILL on the screen. Even in my notes I just write him down as Mark Hamill, or MH, which is a real shame because his character's name is Arthur Pym, which is the main character from the only "book" Poe ever wrote, and there's a lot of controversy around whether it was finished or not, but I spent several classes in undergrad analyzing that book in particular, so it has a very soft spot in my heart.

Roderick(?) turns back and sees a figure with a blacked out face in the rafters, but then the girl turns around, nobody is there. When she turns to him, she calls him Grampus, so I can assume this girl is his granddaughter and not his daughter. Then Roderick (?) says, "She's here." Not quite to his granddaughter, but mostly to himself. How cryptic. I'm sure we won't think about that until it jumps right into our faces. At this point, in hindsight I had assumed that the "very pale girl" behind Madeline was her granddaughter, but oh how wrong I was.

Outside the church, we see press all over, but the church itself was noticeably empty. Then, then, we cut to a cork board. This confirms Roderick and Madeline are who I thought I was, and also gives Mark Hamill the name of Arthur Pym. Then, I painstakingly went in and paused at nearly every second of the next scene to read the details on the children, their dates of death, and any bits of information I could get from the articles about cause of death (aka COD.) The death dates are clustered very closely together. I don't know quite yet if it goes from youngest to eldest, but I'm sure we shall find out.

Then, the big reveal. Well, to me at least. I saw that the Assistant U.S. Attorney was C. Auguste Dupin, and let me tell you I pumped my fist in the air and nearly woke up my sleeping boyfriend next to me. Why? You don't care but I'm going to tell you. Dupin was introduced in The Murders in the Rue Morgue (1841), my favorite Poe short story, and also the first ever piece of writing ever coined as "detective fiction." Yes, my absolute favorite genre of writing was created by Edgar Allan Poe, so as problematic as he may have been, I will always be grateful to him for this. Besides, the plot for Rue Morgue was so wild, I saw Dupin's name and had to pause and tweet about it. Specifically, I tweeted about hoping that one of the CODs would be strangulation by an escaped monkey. Mind you, like an idiot, I still haven't looked at the damn names of all of the episodes of the series. Since last night, I have been told to keep an eye out, so that's fun.

I can't believe I typed all of that up from the first like, three minutes of the show. I warned you this was going to be long.

Then, we pan out to the corkboard being a whole ass murder board. We love that. Still no clue who Pym is and why he's alive, but the random guy who walked into the office to talk to Dupin just said something about a Pym Reaper, so I got a chuckle out of that. There's emphasis here about "him" wanting to talk. Obviously, by process of elimination, this him is Roderick.

Dupin takes a taxi (oooh, vintage) to this location, and we see it is a dilapidated house. The "House" of Usher, methinks? I will say it definitely gives rise to the gothic vibe of terror and dread, but thankfully we're not going into Gothic architecture, that would have been a little too on the nose. The clothing I've seen is very modern and the death dates are all in November, so I genuinely thought it was set last year but it wasn't. Everything is apparently set to happen next month. In the future. How foreboding.

Roderick invites Dupin in and Dupin attempts to console Roderick for his losses, but Roderick seems much more focused on the drink in his hand. Henri IV Dudognon Heritage Cognac Grande Champagne. I googled it and apparently it is a real drink. I have to say, Roderick really doesn't seem to curry favor with Dupin when he suggests "a single pour is probably worth double your annual salary" but then he offers a glass to Dupin. This man is clearly going through something. By now, I can surmise it is the death of his family, but is this The House of Usher? Is this dilapidated building the same setting that we see in the original tale? Is Dupin now taking the place of the unnamed narrator of past?

Dupin still tries to apologize, but Roderick just seems...resigned to his fate. Also, Dupin asks where Mr. Pym is and we find out that Mark Hamill is playing a defense attorney. Amazing. Three years of law school and a JD later, and Mark Hamill, one of my favorite actors, is playing an attorney with the name of one of my most intriguing literary characters. All of my worlds have collided.

Roderick waives his right to an attorney and sits Dupin down across from him to talk. Dupin says Roderick got away with it, Roderick says no one really ever gets away with anything, not really. Dupin pushes back and says Madeline would beg to differ. Roderick says you can ask yourself, she's downstairs in the basement. At this point, I am convinced that Madeline is dead and buried, but this episode will not reveal that information to me. Trust me, I'm holding onto that theory because it is close in parallel to the original story, but I am soooo open at this point to being surprised because the actor for Roderick has sucked me in completely. Bruce Greenwood. I have painfully powerful facial recognition, so it delights me that I've never seen him in anything before so I can get sucked into his acting completely. Seriously, I just recently recognized the brother in Get Out from a single episode of Victorious because that one episode is my favorite. It can ruin my immersion sometimes.

Anyhow, back to the story. I'm rambling, but I have ADHD and I miss stream of consciousness writing so this is more for me than it is for you.

Roderick's phone vibrates, he says it is his granddaughter, Lenore. My eyeballs are rolling back into my head. We have a connection to The Raven, finally. She's not dead at present, so we shall see if she follows her namesake into the Great Beyond. Dupin tries to graciously allow Roderick to take that call and cites that "grandkids take priority" but Roderick calls him out!

He says "Don't lecture me about family values. You're just as shit in that department as I am."

At this point I am confused but I can't look away. Roderick says he wants to give his confession. Dupin whips out a recorder. November 20th, 2023. Roderick confirms we are in his childhood home. I am vibrating like a cat because I think my theory is correct, and I realize that based off of the death dates of his children, that much of this series will be told from this setting, in those chairs, and with flashbacks to important moments.

I was not prepared for the beginning of this story. In 1953, the house is warmer, more cheerful. R and M are just children, and Roderick speaks about "the woman who would shape every choice we would ever make." Their mother. Eliza. Aptly given the same name as Poe's mother. Personal secretary to the CEO of Fortunato Pharmaceuticals. The same company the Ushers own in modern times. Already I have questions about the lineage of the twins, but you know how it is.

"Not here. Not ever. We agreed." Very cryptic words, Mr. Longfellow. Madeline always hated him, she "always knew." Knew he was a liar? A terrible person? Or did she know he was their father?

Then we get into the religious phrases the mom uses. "Like Jesus, he loves from afar." "He's complicated, like God." I always find it very interesting but also very sad when the words a woman uses to justify a man's abuse is cloaked in a veil of religion. I won't go into detail on that, though. There just isn't time.

Jump to 1962. Nine years later, the twins look to be teenagers. Their studying is interrupted by a bell, and we cut to Eliza ringing a bell in bed. There is a plethora of crosses now hanging on the wall behind her, so that's...lovely. Both twins rush to her, and Eliza pushes a glass of water away. At first I thought it was rabies, but then Eliza seems to be suffering from pain in her pelvic region based off of how her actress was portraying her pain. Honestly, my theory is that she probably had an untreated STI which may have spread to other organs. Either way, her denial of medication or a doctor horrifies me. The screaming and the vitriol is a complete tone shift to who she was prior. But what I really find interesting is that Madeline, not Roderick, seems to be the brains of the pair. She is the one who coaches Roderick on what to say and how to say it to Longfellow, even though Roderick eventually messes up. There seems to be a double entendre in the way Madeline says "it's the least he can do." Because I have suspicions that Madeline knows he is their father, I keep autofilling this in my head. The shift in Mr. Longfellow's mood from humorous, almost mocking disbelief to anger and contemptuous pushback against the twins when Roderick tells him "she loves you" is enough for me. Even Madeline following up with "It's the least you could do. For her. For us." isn't necessary anymore for me to believe he is the father.

Longfellow's denial only seals the deal.

Cut to Eliza's...corpse. She didn't make it, but in trying to keep with her wishes, they tear apart the shed and build her a coffin and bury her in the backyard. Of course, because *spoiler alert* Madeline was accidentally buried alive, I had a hunch Eliza might climb out of her grave. I was proven right, and Eliza wakes up, tries to attack Roderick, but stops when Eliza calls her "Mommy" and grabs her arm. (Actress for teen Madeline is also fantastic, her look of horror was evocative as fuck. 10/10. No notes.) ELiza then walks out, goes into the gates of Longfellow's house and proceeds to choke him to death (with apparently superhuman strength) before finally collapsing next to his body.

What I *love* about this all is that when we cut back to the present, and Dupin asks about why Roderick is telling him all this, Roderick says it is because she's standing right behind Dupin! And you know what drives me nuts? SHE IS. SHE'S TOTALLY THERE AND HE DOESN'T TURN AROUND! Dupin does not see her and we see eliza walk out of the frame.

It is important to note that Roderick talks about the cleanup of that story to spare "his" family, the Usher family, of any embarrassment. He confirms that Longfellow was his father but doesn't claim him as family because Longfellow never claimed him, but it explains why he acknowledges all six of his children from five different mothers.Roderick wouldn't close the gates. Finally, we have confirmation, verbal confirmation from Roderick about who his father was.

Side note: Dupin has a husband, how progressive. I'm down for it. We love it when the elderly LGBTQ+ community is acknowledged.

Two weeks ago:

Then we switch to a trial against Fortunato Pharmaceuticals and the Usher "crime" family, according to Dupin's opening statement. As someone who did pretty damn well in both evidence and criminal law, I'm side-eyeing this opening statement. Let me tell you, law school ruins your ability to suspend disbelief for so many court things in television and movies. Also Fortunato? After The Cask of Amontillado? That's the short story I had to read in high school, and I enjoyed it enough. It does, however, tie in well if the company is also destroyed, locked away, hidden from society, whatever you want to call it to tie into the ending of Cask.

I will say this, Roderick fathered gorgeous children nonstop. Every one of these actors is stunning. I found it odd that the camera panned to Lenore and her mother(?) for a close up when Dupin talks about corruption ut when panned out Lenore is hidden from the view of the audience. At this point, I had not drawn any conclusions as to why that is. I kept fixating on "The Pale Girl," who we later find out is Juno, Roderick's newest wife. Let me tell you, that revelation was crazy because I thought she was Madeline's sole daughter who idolized Dita Von Teese and Dolores Umbridge in the worst hybridization of ways, but Ruth Codd's facial expressions are stunning. I'm visibly uncomfortable when I look at her, and that's fantastic. She's showing me so much with her body language, I can't stand how good she is. Anyhow, I love her. I will be following more of her.

Then, Dupin drops the bomb. The bomb. The thing that makes Madeline's face go from quiet amusement to concern. The statement that makes every Usher child react. There's an informant in the midst. And it is one of them.

Pym, in my opinion, correctly calls out the failure to disclose the identity of this informant. When counsel approaches the bench, this opening statement about the family witness is struck from the record, but it does what Dupin intends it to do. It rattles the whole family. Pym probably makes so much damn money off of these people.

Roderick calls a family dinner for everyone and their spouses. Then we cut to introductions of each family member. Frederick turns out to be the father of Lenore, and his wife's name is Morrie, I think? I had to check Wikipedia for this, but her name is Morella, she's a former actress and model, and now she makes hyper-realistic cakes. Freddie gives me Dan Levy vibes. He blames Perrie, who I assume is Prospero. Lenore calls out that the informant would "have to be pretty brave, I guess" and asks if the charges are true. At this point, there is a massive, MASSIVe red flag waving in my head. Is Lenore the informant? Or is she the red herring? It gets more juicy when she suggests that "if someone really broke the law, shouldn't they be punished?" The red flag...of justice? Morrie casually warns that breaking away from family rank would get you written out of the will, highlighting the difference in values between Lenore and the rest of the family.

Then we cut to Tamerlane and her husband, Bill T. Wilson. (Very cute reference to a short story Poe wrote called William Wilson.) She also says her money on the informant is "one of the bastards." All this does it solidify her and Freddie as the two children Roderick had "in wedlock." Bill suggests the informant is Freddie, and Tamerlane pushes back. She muses that it might be Perry, Bill suggests Juno, her "new stepmom." Tamerlane bristles at this, but also drops that Juno doesn't "know anything." If she really is so new to the family she doesn't know its secrets, then she's the most innocent one there and is also the only one who took the charges against the family seriously enough to not be able to hide it on her face. Tamerlane mentions Goldbug, a short story I have not read, and Tamerlane drops an important tidbit: She doesn't care about the world, she cares about what her dad thinks." I had to google who tf Blippi is for this conversation. Also, they do threesomes? Also, TEST MONKEYS?

Yep. We're going to have the true Rue Morgue murder. We are now introduced to Victorine. And her surgical partner/life partner. They have a successful surgery of some sort on a test monkey. Post-op the women are seen talking about struggling to get peer review because of nightshade. Whatever this nightshade powder Roderick sent over, it's working, but it is the same stuff that paralyzes South American tourists who get it blown in their face. Spooky. Victorine jokes about keeping away from Perry. That boy does not have anyone on his side for this. He's painted as young, immature, and apparently a date rapist so far. However, Victorine points the finger at Camille!

We jump to Leo, apparently on the phone with his boyfriend Julius. He convinces Julius to not come to the family dinner, but he finds out that Julius is on his way up while he's getting head from a woman. So Leo is a bisexual and he's a cheater. Love that about him. Has a black cat named Pluto.

We shift to Camille, apparently the HBIC of the family's PR. She tosses out orders to her drab little assistants hastily scribbling down notes. Her comment about Victorine is not unnoticed, but Camille puts aside her own feelings about her sister in order to push ahead of the PR disaster of the trial. When asked about Juno, Camille has a lot more frustration there for the massive age gap and lack of, idk, decorum about Juno? I'm intrigued as to what "Scraped her off the emergency room floor" means but I'm sure I will find out. Her main priority is sniffing out the informant, she also points to Perry but also claims she doesn't think he's clever enough to talk to the Feds without it ending up on Tiktok. Ouch. Give Perry a damn break. Or don't. He sounds awful. They all certainly seem awful. Like Tamerlane, Camille seems eager to please her father, emphasizing that she wants to be the one who finds the informant to deliver their head to her father.

Juno speaks! and she's Irish. I love that. Apparently she moderated an NA meeting once, so she's either a drug addict or a drug addict seriously affected her family. Tie-in to the Fortunato company? Possible motive? Possible mole? We shall wait and see. I love the comedy Roderick drops in about how the children have to love Juno because the only thing stronger than love is their fear of getting written out of the will.

Then the family doctor arrives with private news on Roderick should hear...My money is either terminal cancer or a slow poisoning. Either way, we don't know what's up before- Surprise! Prospero, aka Perrie shows up.

We see him pour Glenfiddich '96 and I find out he and I are the same age...He pitches a nightclub to Roderick and Madeline who magically shows up and Juno flicks off to Godzilla-knows-where. Apparently he had a full year to come up with a proposal for his first business venture and his idea for a super exclusive nightclub gets shut down mercilessly because the Ushers are about "changing the fucking world." Perrie walks away with his tail between his legs and Madeline checks in with Roderick before heading off to the dining room. She claims when the paperwork is passed out, she'll be able to tell. Apparently she can always tell when someone is...lying? We shall see.

Briefly, we see Carla Gugino put down a drink and say "For the road" which clearly freaks Roderick out because how did this strange woman show up in his mansion's bar?

Cut to dinner, Morrie presents a textbook and Starbucks and we have an Is It Cake momen to light applause from everyone. I can't quite tell if he's being sarcastic about him marrying Morrie, but Freddie moves on to suck up to Roerick by complimenting Juno.

Madeline passes out a new and improved NDA (thank you Pym for your tireless work, I hope you are paid handsomely for this) including details about forfeiture of inheritance, etc regarding being the informant and the consequences that ensue. Victorine's partner Alessandra tries to not sign it until her own lawyer looks it over but one look from the family makes her change her mind.

The siblings bicker before Madeline shuts it down, explains the importance of Fortunato and threatens the informant with certain death. I know it is meant to be serious but I admit I had a little giggle. Then Roderick says "Fifty million dollars." The twins have placed a bounty on the unknown informant's head, effectively pitting the family against each other.

In the present, Roderick laments that this was the last time he saw all of them together, and the last time he saw some of them alive. He claims responsibility for the deaths of all of his children. Even though Dupin claims that these bizarre deaths are all verified to not be linked, Roderick doubles down, and then finally brings up "a woman." Now things are getting juicy. Carla Gugino appears in a variety of lighting and with different hair, so that suggests we'll see here several times throughout the show.

We cut now to New Year's Eve, 1979 heading into 1980. The twins are dressed as Gatbsy and Daisy, I gag a little at the incestual implications even though I knew they were coming, and sit back and watch how the twins first meet the woman, now known as Verna. Apparently they enter a bar hoping for enough people to be around to provide them with an alibi. Whatever they came from at Fortunato Pharmaceuticals, they need witnesses. We see again that Madeline is the mastermind behind every plan. A conversation about resolutions with Verna ensues.

We pan to the present. Dupin talks about some other event that happens that night. Verna predicts their lives will take a complete change of course on that night. Roderick again tells Dupin that every piece of this story is important. We flash back to the funeral. Roderick sees the faceless woman in the back, but then the next time he looks back, he sees the mangled corpses of his six children. When he exits the church, he sees a creepy court jester, like a malevolent joker from the playing card, briefly waiting for him in the car. He starts, notices his nose is bleeding, and then suddenly falls backward. Madeline and Pym rush to him, but arthur stares ahead to *gasp* a raven, and he says "It's time. It's time. It's time." How mysterious.

The episode ends and I finally look ahead to all the episode names like I should have done before. Each episode is based off of a different Poe story, and probably relates to the cause of death for each character. I haven't read some of them, but I feel like I will before I start each next episode. Or I will let myself be surprised. We shall see. Anyhow, I have spent all morning typing this. If you've read this far, I salute you. I'm tired, but also satisfied.

-------

"The last thing my mother did in this life was kill a powerful man. And we carried that secret with us and we loved her all the more."

[official212th]

ok so i just finished this book the eighth arrow and god knows nobody reads any of my posts so im just gonna put some thoughts here.

first of all: this book is so so so good yet such a fucking trip to read because it is written by a priest. and 90% of the time its a great take on greek legends and mythos and also has some truly ridiculous homoerotic subtext. but then every couple chapters you get a remind that wow. this was written by a priest. spoiler warning but odysseus legit converts to christianity at the end which is actually hilarious. and ok, the priest who wrote it works at a catholic school that is actually in the same city as i am and i will say i appreciated how he very clearly planned to use this book in either theology or english classes, because it was absolutely 100% a metaphor for redemption in catholicism and the idea of mercy and forgiveness. guys i know what im talking about i also go to catholic school. but the way he frames it as a story that's ostensibly not about christianity, but he sneaks in a few metaphors and buzzwords (the disclaimer at the beginning, in which odysseus says he actually made the whole story up, talks about how he was "judged worthy" and "redeemed" and talks about God's grace and providence. which is pretty standard fare for your average high school theology class.) specific to christianity and even catholicism (some of the beliefs regarding redemption in here are pretty unique to catholicism and i don't think some protestants would like this book very much)

second of all did i mention the homoerotic subtext? because wow. honestly it wasn't even subtext it was just text. the whole book is about odysseus and diomedes and their journey through dante's inferno. but it starts off talking about how the two of them are "imprisoned in a single flame" for 3,000 years (ok buddy not sounding too straight to me) and they kind of have a friends to enemies to friends thing happen but like the whole reason they become enemies is odysseus doesn't realize or acknowledge diomedes' love for him??? (GAY)

im going to back myself up with sources. proteus (weird old guy that's there like half the time) says to odysseus "that man really loves you. He loves you more than he loves his own father. More than he's ever loved anyone, I suspect. And that is a sacred thing, a love like that" and does the priest writing it maybe mean it in the way that God loves us? maybe but thats not how i'm interpreting it! anyways i really liked how (spoiler warning again although if you're avoiding spoilers for this book idk how you got this far) odysseus and diomedes are bffs but also fight. like really bad. like almost-killed-each-other bad. and then they have a really nice moment in which diomedes almost dies and odysseus is like "wait i love u youre my family pls dont die" and then they team up and save the day. its so sick. i love gay people.

[hughiecampbelle]

Being the Smartest Roy Would Include:

A/N: Loosely based off this Peaky Blinders headcanon I wrote ages ago. I love writing baby Roy!Sibling :)

Logan takes all the credit, of course

You were smart even as a baby

You playing consisted of matching colors and shapes, counting, naming all the right animals. You were speaking and walking and talking at such early rates, too. It was impossible not to notice or compare to your siblings

Your mother, the woman between Caroline and Marcia, brought you to doctors, unsure of what to do. Of course, they'd have to wait for you to get older to test your IQ, but there was a lot of good news. You were excelling at a rapid rate

You were given tutors young since you surpassed your peers with the smallest bit of effort. You were bored in your classes with your peers, so much so that you skipped a few grades a few times. By the time you were 8 you were already in a 5th grade class, 13 by the time you graduate High School . You were graduated from an Ivy League by the time you're 18 years old

Kendall was more than happy helping you with your homework, even if it was mostly pretend help with silly questions you got wrong on purpose

"Does that make sense?"

"Yup, thank you Ken."

His smile made it all worth it - even if you had to erase and fix his work after he left

Your language tutors taught you Mandarin, French, Italian, German, Spanish, and Russian. Languages are your favorite thing to learn. Your father is very proud when you can talk to investors, no matter how young you are, in their mother tongue

You like teaching your siblings as well

Shiv listens to you, go on and on about the different cases and grammar, and fun words you can teach her even if she's only half listening

"Do you wanna know how to say cat?"

"Sure."

"Gatta."

"Cool."

Despite your sister's tone, she really was proud of you. You worked hard, and you deserved all this recognition. Besides, you're something of a secret weapon for the family

Roman uses you as his own personal Siri. He asks you things you know, things he thinks you should know, any genius should know

"The meaning of life is complicated. . ."

"What good are you?"

Connor is in awe of you. He never really had the focus for school. It was never his thing, but you amaze him. He'd been reading to you since you were a baby. At first those playful baby books, but as you grew, the books got thicker and thicker until you wanted him to read War and Peace. He eventually had to give up, letting you read it on your own

"How many pages do you have left?"

"300. I'll be finished in an hour."

The older you grow, the more you realize your intelligence has saved you from your fathers wrath, especially when you compare your childhoods. You were never hit or slapped, Logan always treated you like an equal, or at least as close to an equal as he could manage. That created some issues in itself. . .

You were seven and already aware of the amount of money your father had, was making and losing, etc. Poor deals would keep you up at night, worried you'd lose everything and your father would blame you. Gently, you'd have to tell him not to take it, not wanting to make him mad. It was too much stress for a child

Connor tried his best to let you have a childhood. He took you and the rest camping, to the park, the playground. He took you out for ice cream on the weekend and played with real toys, not the educational kind, between classes and tutors. You could turn off your brain with him and just be a kid. It wasn't often that you got to

Being the youngest and the smartest creates some rifts between you and your brothers and sister

You know Kendall is named successor, but you have an awful feeling your father will take it back and give the title to you

You didn't want to run the company, you'd had too much say in it already. You were practically your fathers advisor from the time you were six. If anything, when he retired, you wanted to retire too

You wouldn't dare tell Logan this, of course

He'd call you lazy, stupid, question your intelligence and drive. That was your worst fear, was letting him down, like the rest of your siblings

You fear the only reason he even stands you is because of your mind, your brain, that if you had been born with an average intelligence he would want nothing to do with you

One night you ask your sister this, who tries her best to gently let you down

"Just be grateful you're as smart as you are, okay?"

Roman calls has you as "Baby Genius" in his phone

He has been working your entire life to make as many jokes as possible about your intelligence. You never get tired of them though, instead coming up with comebacks just as quickly

"Give it a break, Poindexter."

"At least I'm capable of chewing gum and walking at the same time, idiot."

He treats you like a person, which is all you've ever wanted. You never wanted special attention or treatment because you're so smart, you just want to be treated like normal

Your father, of course, wouldn't dare. He doesn't want to waste your time, your intelligence. You were born this way for a reason, and he will not put it to waste. He expects more from you

It's exhausting. Not just because your brain never stops, it's always working and worrying and overthinking, but also for the way you're expected to be and act and live from your parents

You're basically your mothers show dog - do some math problems, say something smart, get a treat, and then go back to your crate

Both your parents think your siblings are a bad influence on you

"Y/n, stop fooling around!"

"We were just laughing. . . "

"Well stop it."

Tom is constantly trying to one-up you, but you're just too smart. Not only with math and literature and languages, but art, music, politics, etc. When he talks stupid you can't help but correct him

Cousin Greg is constantly giving you math problems to do on the spot, which he then checks with a calculator to be sure

"What's the square root on 945,678?

"972.45976."

You never have problems with forgetting anything because you also have a photographic memory. This works both in your favor and not. You remember anniversaries, birthdays, things people have said in passing, but you're also forced to relive every time Kendall has gone off script and every time your father has lashed out

You'll never forget the last words your father ever said to you, about how much you wasted your potential, that you were a failure like the rest of them, that he was embarrassed for you and about you. He never should have praised you as much as you did

All you said was that you thought he should leave Waystar to Ken, Shiv, and Rome, that you would be done when he was. You figured you'd get it over with before he made any decisions, not wanting to be left in charge. Of course you had no idea that was the last conversation you'd ever have

On that paper they found, it had been your name instead of Kendall's, underlined at first, crossed out in the end. You have to reassure your siblings that you knew nothing about this, that you told him you didn't want the company. They still don't fully believe you . . .

Being as smart as you are comes with perks of course, but overall it causes a lot of pain. You're not as close to your siblings because they think you're your father's favorite. You try though, you try to keep up the relationships, to be close to them

[rat-typewriter]

hi! i hole you’re doing good! when you get the chance can you do high school aged baseball player bill de brought x fem reader who plays softball headcannons? thank you!

Notes: Girlie im so sorry this has been in my inbox for like a year,,, but better late than never right???? also im not american so i have no clue what a softball is so this is based off of ten minutes on wikipedia

BaseballPlayer!Bill Denbrough with a SoftballPlayer!S/O

alrighty,,, so first off your school only has one pitch - so Bill first sees you while getting ready for practice and your team is finishing up training

Honestly he spots you straight away - not necessarily because you're any better than the rest of the girls, but because of how you cheer your teammates on any time they make a good hit

He finds it so endearing, seeing someone so openly kind and genuinely excited for their friends

Not to mention he thinks you're probably the prettiest girl hes ever seen but whatever

But he's s u p e r awkward so wouldn't actually work up the courage to talk to you for a couple of months

BUT THEN

it's late afternoon in May; he's waiting with his team for practice and your team is finishing up again

you manage to hit the ball into the chainlink fence and it jams into one of the gaps

now,,, your team has a strict "whoever touched the ball last has to go find it" policy (which has left you digging through bushes of brambles on many occasions) so there you were, half on tip-toe and half straight up CLIMBING the fence to try and reach the stupid ball

you could hear your friends laughing across the pitch and (although you loved them to pieces) you definitely shot them a few death glares

One time you turn and stick your toungue out at them, playfully shouting for them to fuck off

and when you turn back, you nearly jump out of your skin

lo and behold on the other side of the fence is the CUTEST boy you've ever seen, reaching up and pushing the ball back through

and when he looks at you with those blue eyes

asafsghadssdhj

let's just say you don't catch the ball when he knocks it out

you stare at him and you can feel blood rushing to your face

internally you're screaming at yourself to stop gawking at him like a weirdo and SAY SOMETHING

if the fence wasn't between the two of you, the space between you would have been too small to be socially acceptable

honestly you're both so awkward you probably would have just stood there forever, but sooner or later his team would notice him with a girl

"Shit, Bill's got game!"

the entire group of boys suddenly broke out into laughs, jeers and whistles

needless to say Bill was mortified

mind you,,, your friends were no better

every time you saw him after that, they would all start giggling and nudging you like maniacs

don't get me wrong, you love your friends to pieces,,,, but you could have killed them all

you occasionally bumped into Bill a few times after that: around school, sometimes in town - but your first proper conversation was while sitting on the grass outside school

Your team was practicing, but you were in trouble with the coach for flunking a maths exam - so she was making you sit out to study for this session

you stared at you maths textbook - lets be real, not really thinking about anything - when he came over

"M-maths, huh?" he asked, craning his neck to read your notebook

"Yeah," you smiled. "Gotta say though, it's just not adding up."

why in the world did you say that

seriously

worst joke ever (not me slandering a joke i literally just wrote down smh)

But it was the first time you had managed to make him properly laugh

he grinned and your soul more-or-less left your body

you chatted for a while after that, him helping with a few questions

but mostly just messing around and laughing

it was only when your coach shouted to you that practice had ended twenty-five minutes ago that you suddenly snapped back to reality

"Oh shit," you gasped, stumbling to your feet; shoving the book into your bag. "I gotta get home"

He stood with you, helping to pick up your pens and papers

"Sorry!" he smiled sheepishly (oh god that smile) "I didn't mean to make you late."

"It's not your fault." you grinned

Suddenly you realised, didn't he have practice now? the baseball team always came on after softball ended

you asked him where his team were and his face suddenly reddened and he admitted that there was no baseball practice that day

"Oh I get it," you teased. "You came all the way out here just for me?"

he didn't reply, instead laughing and looking away

oh.

OH.

"wait, seriously?"

he swallowed and grinnef again. "m-maybe."

"Well," You paused. "We should do this again some time."

And that is how you got your first date with Bill denbrough

((You went cycling))

[aroeddiediaz]

20 questions for fic writers

Tagged by @cal-daisies-and-briars , @jesuiscenseedormir , @diazsdimples

How many works do you have on ao3?

27!

What's your total ao3 word count?

61,537

What fandoms do you write for?

Currently I’m pretty much exclusively a 9-1-1 writer, but in the past I wrote a lot of Flarrowverse (do they still call it that?). I also have published fics for Fantastic Beasts and a few anime (Given, Haikyuu, Saiki K). Given the number of Bnha wips i have locked away in the vault it’s amazing I don’t have anything published for that.

Top 5 fics by kudos:

(I am omitting all the Flarrowverse fics in my top 5 on the basis that they were written in high school and I’ve changed as a person, and they probably only beat out on the numbers due to being up for years longer)

1. Kabe-Do’s and Kabe-Don’ts (Given, 861 kudos)

2. You’re Not Special (Saiki K, 598 kudos)

3. How Eddie Learned To Stop Worrying And Embrace The Kitten Life (9-1-1, 327 kudos)

4. The Boy Formerly Known As Miracle (Haikyuu, 277 kudos)

5. Under The Hood (9-1-1, 275 kudos)

Do you respond to comments?

Yes!! As many as I can!

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

This probably has to be The Crimes of Queenie Goldstein, in which Queenie is put on trial for her actions during the war. Don’t @ me but Queenie turning traitor was bu far the most interesting part of the Crimes of Grindelwald (the only interesting thing, really). There could be such an interesting story between her and Tina if only JKR would let the movies out of her grasp.

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Fuck, idk if I have a happiest ending fic, a lot of them tend to not have that much story arc. (A lot of established relationship fluff or smut lmao). I guess if I had to pick one it would probably be How Eddie Learned To Stop Worrying and Embrace The Kitten Life.

Do you get hate on fics?

Not since that one anti-olicity fic that I wrote while deep in the trenches of Flarrowverse discourse, which I totally deserved :/. I have regrets. Also I should probably orphan/delete that one if I haven’t already. In my defense, high school. I have learned.

Do you write smut?

Yea lol. I think my 9-1-1 stuff has been almost exclusively smut. Idk how it happened. (I do know how it happened smut is fun to write)

Craziest crossover?

I haven’t published any of my crossover fics :( none of them have been complete enough. I have many many unfinished RotBTD wips that have never seen the light of day though.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Who would steal my stuff? Lol

Have you ever had a fic translated?

One time someone offered to translate one of my fics into Russian but idk if that ever actually happened.

Have you co-written a fic before?

Nope

All time favorite ship?

Right now definitely Buddie! Percabeth holds a special place in my heart though <3

What's a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

Ok. After the end of the Heroes of Olympus Series, but before Trials of Apollo was announced, I tried my own hand at writing the sequel that was clearly coming based on all the loose threads in the final book. It was going to be a Solangelo quest to save the Oracle of Delphi from Python, while Akhys tries to poison Percy to turn him into an evil god(?). Half the details have been lost and I desperately want to remember them, because I haven’t attempted anything nearly as cool or ambitious since then. The first 5 chapters are posted on my ao3 (Will Solace and the Oracle’s Cry) and I still think high school me had the most interesting characterization of Will out of everyone else on the internet at the time. Even if it is still very 2015.

What are your writing strengths?

I think I’m good at getting into the heads of different characters. Understanding their motives and weaknesses.

What are your writing weaknesses?

Editing.

Lmao I have a lot of weaknesses but I definitely struggle the most with trying to look back on or change things I’ve already written, even when it’s necessary.

Also my tendency to just drop fics if I stop working on them for too long. Rip to my wip graveyard.

Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

That’s a minefield I’m not willing to play in. Unless it’s Chinese. Very limited amounts of Chinese. Or like, a pet name or phrase that’s already ubiquitous in fandom so I’m not risking anything.

First fandom you wrote in?

Percy Jackson!! That Will Solace quest is the first thing I ever wrote! I definitely had a tendency to jump into the deep end with new hobbies lmao. Like my first ever cosplay that took me 3 years to complete.

Favorite fic you've written?

I think my favorite fic is always going to be the one I’m currently working on writing. But I am very proud of the silly little dramatic ironies in In Hindsight, which I wrote entirely over one long lunch the day after 7x04 broke me. Also I have to shoutout Teacher’s Pet, that one ruler spanking fic nobody ever reads because it’s Eddie/Ana lmao. I enjoyed putting in a bunch of tiny incompatibilities between them. So, uh, I guess my favorite thing in my own writing is dramatic irony?

Tagging: @aspecbuddie @pirrusstuff @jesuisici33 @steadfastsaturnsrings @lemonzestywrites @your-catfish-friend @inkmortal-trash389 @evanbegins s @wildlife4life @eddiebabygirldiaz @epicbuddieficrecs @kitteneddiediaz @alliaskisthepossibilityoflove @coatedpanda16 @nicotinewrites @estheticpotaeto @babytrapperdiaz @snowviolettwhite @wikiangela

[gaslightgatekeepgirlbosscombat]

Group C, Round 1, Poll 6:

Propaganda under the cut

Amy Elliott Dunne

She literally faked her own murder and framed her husband for it I don’t know how you can gaslight gatekeep girlboss harder than that. -Made friends with a pregnant woman so she could steal her pee and fake a positive pregnancy test with it -Faked her own murder and framed her husband for it because he was cheating on her -Wrote an entire fake diary and half-burned it so it would look like her husband did it -Slowly drained her blood over days in order to make it look like there was a struggle -Slept with a guy and murdered him just as he finished to make it look like he assaulted her -Bought a bunch of shit on her husband’s credit cards and hid them in his sister’s house so it looked like he had a spending addiction -Have you ever heard of the cool girl rant? The rant where a woman talks about how there’s no such thing as a girl with interests they’re all just doing it for men? That was Amy. - She has a history of manipulating people and in high school made a girl look insane just because that girl was mildly better at something than her - Lied about getting rid of her husband’s sperm so she could impregnate herself with his kid so he’d stay with her because she’s kind of turned on by how much they hate each other - literally the first half of the book is her playing everyone (including the reader) because she knows her husband is such a piece of shit he won’t be able to help incriminating himself TL;DR Amy Elliott Dunne is the most gaslight gatekeep girlboss ever and I need everyone to know this

Harumi

Oo boy where to I start. She emotionally manipulates the main character and then uses his emotions against him to revive his dad but evil. She ran a biker gang/cult and only let her three top generals know who she was. She went to extreme measures to get what she wanted, including burning down her palace and killing her adoptive parents.

some of her greatest hits include: Gaslighing Garmadon into hating Lloyd (his son), Gatekeeping being Garmadon's Son (even though she's not related to him and also a girl), Girlbossing her way to becoming the leader of a terrorist group while also being the Princess of Ninjago. siccing the terrorist group on the royal family, killing the king and queen because she hated them and didn't wanna be princess anyways, she'd rather be the evil puppet master behind a necromanced figurehead dictator.

Harumi is such a girlboss shes an orphan and was adopted by the emperor and empress and then BLEW UP THE PALACE AND KILLED THEM and she resurrected lord garmadon (evil!!!) and runs a criminal org/biker gang also she had this relationship with Lloyd where she pretty much just manipulated him but other than that I support her evilness

"Okay so after an unfortunate tragic pass of her parents dying in a freak accident, she has dedicated her life in taking revenge on those who are even somewhat linked to their death. I'm talking, she manipulated her way into the royal family to get resources, starts a cult/gang worshiping one of the worst villains to ever hit the realms, and also completely plays with one of the ninja's feelings to get what she wants. Oh, yeah his feelings? She knew he had trauma, issues, just wanted to be loved, AND SHE USED THAT before leaving him to die on multiple occasions. She's also one of the few villains to actually win. Like she gets what she was aiming for, she wins. So yeah, Harumi is a girlboss."

[liliansun]

(FAILED) love letters to locker #67

synopsis 💌: after finally getting the courage to confess to your crush via love letter, you’re shocked to find out that it actually didn’t end up in his locker and the one who did receive it was a little closer to home than you would’ve liked.

pairing 🫶: crush!heeseung x fem!reader x bbf!haechan

wc 💪: 10.1k

genre 📖: fluff, angst, humor, high school puppy love kinda vibe, iykyk

warnings: kissing, swearing, badly told jokes, jaem has a little temper ngl, gossiping and yk people be staring bc yk

special mentions: enha members, aespa member, le sserafim members, nct dream members

<3: as always @ethereal-engene aka ash, loml <33 got to beta-read this and it was the literal highlight of my day. also I wrote half of this over a couple days and finished the rest to day so if it’s a hot mess that’s why, love you🧎‍♀️

This was it, today was your day and you were beyond determined to make it through this day without anything messing up or stopping from you. Yes, today was the day that you planned on confessing to the prettiest boy, in your opinion, Lee Heeseung. So far, you feel pretty confident—or at least the most confident you can feel. With the letter in your hand, you linger around the lockers right before the lunch bell and pretend to listen to what your brother is saying. Jaemin was talking all nerdy to you and it was going through one ear and out the next. “Hey, listen to me when I’m talking, you’re being incredibly rude.” As he snaps his fingers at you, you swat at his hand.

“Leave me alone, I’m focusing.” He rolls his eyes, following your eyes to the boy you were so swooned for. “He’s not even that cute, if we’re comparing looks, I look better—some might even say sexy.” As he wiggles his eyebrows, you shove him aside and start to fiddle with your locker. “Ouch, that’s so rude—do I need to tell your little crush how rude you ar—OUCH!” Stomping on his foot, you give him the finger before sticking your nose into your locker. As the bell goes off, you shoo Jaemin away and put your books up. Out of the corner of your eye, you see Heeseung leaving his locker and heading down to the lunch hall. As you shut your locker, the hallway empties and you find this to be your perfect opportunity.

You try to act casual, walking across the hall and looking at the locker numbers. You’re about to slip the letter that you poured your heart into in the designated locker—that is until you hear voices coming from the end of the hall. Without paying much attention, you shove the letter in what you hope is the right locker and go on down the hallway, pretending as if you didn’t just slip a love letter in. Unbeknownst to you, the boy who was late to lunch comes flying down the hallway and accidentally bumps into you. “Shit—sorry doll face.” You didn’t get a clear look at the guy who practically ran you over, rubbing your shoulder as he ran down and disappeared into the hungry crowd of students.

You look around for your usual table where your friends are always found, skipping the line and sliding into the seat next to Yunjin. “Look who decides to join us?” Rolling your eyes, you grab half the sandwich from Chaewon’s tray and start to munch on it. “A certain someone must’ve been keeping her company.” Giselle wiggled her brows at you, leaning onto the table with her elbows propping her up. “Give her a break, she’s probably too tired to deal with you two from thinking about Heeseung all night.” Yunjin snickered, ducking down when you tried to throw your sandwich at her.

“Says the one who was stalking Chenle on his socials.” The girl beside you threw her hands over your mouth, looking over at the boy of topic to make sure he didn’t hear you. “Shh, he’s right there, unlike lover boy, he literally sits a few tables away.” You giggle into her hands, pulling them down as her face heats up in slight embarrassment. “You two are a mess, imagine simping over a man, ew.” Chaewon dramatically flipped her short hair, popping a piece of fruit into her mouth. “Aren’t you the same one who was drooling over that girl in your art class?” Giselle was more than satisfied by Chaewon’s lack of response, laughing when the other tried to steal her tray from her.

“What’s with all the giggling over there, you girls aren’t thinking of me, are you?” Jaemin stood up from his seat, smiling over at you with the most annoying grin on his face. “I can’t believe we’re related sometimes.” You mumble, avoiding his eyes in hopes he’ll leave you alone. “I can’t believe you two shared a home for nine months, you must’ve took all the right nutrients for him to come out like that.” Looking in the direction Chaewon was pointing in, you could see Jaemin and his friends sticking food in your brothers belly button and all of you were utterly disgusted. “Look y/n, I got olives for my next class!”

You were always embarrassed by your brother’s shenanigans, especially when he didn’t know how to control his volume and now half the lunch hall was looking your way. The cherry on top of it all was that Heeseung and his friends got curious about the commotion and now were looking at your table, heat rushing to your cheeks faster than you could get up from your table and try to discreetly leave the hall. Unbeknownst to you, a certain pair of eyes followed your figure from the table till you slipped between the crowd and ultimately out of his sight.

After leaving the lunch hall, you headed to your next class and lingered outside the door after stopping by your locker. You opt to wait by the door, back against the wall while looking over your notes from the previous class. In the distance, you could hear footsteps coming your way, not paying the person who was coming through any mind as you kept your nose in your book. “Hey, you’re..Na Y/n, right?” The unfamiliar voice caught your attention, looking up to see a boy who you didn’t fully recognize. You’re sure you’ve seen him around, being that he’s in your year and had been in a couple classes a couple years back, but he looks different than what you remember.

“Uh, yeah, who are you again?” The way he smiled at you made you almost feel small. “Just checking out the infamous Na twin, that’s all.” Before you could get a word in, he walked away with a grin on his face, disappearing as he turned a corner. Confused and more curious as to why he approached you, you decide that it’s best to ignore whatever that was and focus on your notes so that you’ll at least have some idea of what today’s class is about. Minutes pass by and the lunch hall starts to empty out, a crowd of students coming out into the hallways and to their lockers in batches while you await for your friends to join you at the door. When the bell finally goes off, you go inside the room and take your seat near the window where both you and Yunjin sit.

By the time you set your notebook and book down on your desk, Yunjin comes running in the class, making a direct b-line to your desk. “Hey, where were you? I waited by the door for you before class started.” Out of breath, Yunjin held herself up on her hands that were on her thighs. “I heard people whispering and I just had to stick around and get the tea.” You weren’t really surprised, sitting down as she took the seat across from you. She catches her breath, leaning towards you while signaling for you to lean in. “Okay, so I was about to leave the lunch hall and I overheard some fangirls crying about how Haechan ha-“

“Stop right there, who’s Haechung?”

“Haechan.” Yunjin corrects you, laughing as you brush off the fact that you butchered someone’s name who you didn’t even know. “Anyway, he said to this girl that he got a love letter and rejected the poor thing solely based on this supposed letter he got in his locker.” Somehow, you don’t connect the dots and pass it off as a coincidence. “Huh, good for him I guess.” With her mouth agape, Yunjin looked at you in shock. “Girl, do you even know who Haechan is?” Shaking your head, you lean back into your seat and start to open your notebook back up to where you were before class started. “He’s literally one of your brother’s best friends, they’re pretty popular around school, especially with the ladies.”

“Who’s popular with the ladies?” Looking up from your notebook, your heart immediately starts to race when you see Heeseung looking down at you with a smile. “Not you, lover boy.” Yunjin and Heeseung exchange a look before they both turn their attention back to you. “Uh, just some guy in my grade and stuff.” He nods, taking the seat in front of you, smiling at you in a way that nearly takes your breath. “Well, I hope whoever he is didn’t catch your attention, wouldn’t want someone taking my favorite window-neighbor away.” You couldn’t comprehend exactly what he was saying, only nodding at him while trying to stop yourself from drooling. He laughs a little under his breath, watching as your eyes gloss over and merely smile back.

After hearing someone calling his name, Heeseung saw his desk mate waving him down, getting up from the seat to head over to where he typically sits. “Well, I’ll see you around y/n, yunjin.” Yunjin gave Heeseung a bitter smile, clapping her hands together as he walked away before turning back to you with an obvious shift in her mood. “Ugh, I know you like him and he makes your insides liquid and all, but he still irks me.”

“I can’t believe you’re letting this grudge carry on this long.” As dramatic as Yunjin may be, she never fails to let a grudge go, especially when it comes to Heeseung. “This long, are you hearing yourself, he spread all those false rumors about me and never apologized!” She scoffs underneath her breath as she sits back in her seat. “Can’t believe you thought I’d forgive so easily, who do you take me for?” Smiling at her, you reach out and rub her shoulder as she returns the smile. “Dunno, thought you were Jaemin for a second.” Snickering as she starts hitting on your leg, your teacher gathers the attempt of the room and begins the class.

By the end of the day, classes had finished and you opted to ride home with Chaewon instead of going with your brother. When you got in the door, you could hear your brother talking on the phone as you made your way through the hallway and down to your room. Jaemin heard you come in, ending his call and following behind you with a winning look on his face. “What do you want, nana?” Slipping his phone into his pocket, he leans against your door frame, watching as you toss your bag onto your bed. “I got some friends coming over in a minute and I just wanted to tell you we’ll be in the living room.” You turn to face him, sitting on your bed and start to dig through your bag. “And before you ask, I did get mom and dad’s permission, so don’t try to rat me out.”

Jaemin left your room, disappearing somewhere down the hall and into the living room you assume. Pulling out the essentials you bring with you to school, you feel a pair of eyes looking at you which was starting to creep you out. Looking up from the pile of stuff you took out of your bag, you look over to your window to see Heeseung standing in his room. Crouched down by his window, we waves at you to come over, to which you do. After crawling off your bed and crouching down to your window, you push it open and lean against the wall with your arms crossed to prop you up. Heeseung did the same, opening his window and sitting down by it as he looked across to you.

“So, do you normally stalk your neighbors or was that just a coincidence that I literally felt you looking at me?” He laughs, a sweet laugh that immediately makes you smile. “Actually, no, I just happened to look over and saw you were free and might need some company.” Shaking your head, you miss the way he smiles at you and instead enjoy the cool breeze coming your way. “You could’ve thrown rocks at my window or I don’t know, knocked on my front door like a normal person.” He arched up an eyebrow, grinning at you which had you blushing. “Are you inviting me into your house—no wait, into your room miss y/n, because all of those options sound pretty romantic to me.”

You were sure your face was probably as red as it possibly could be, clearing your throat to try and regain your composure. “Please, if I’m getting romantic with anyone, it’d be my three-d animated boyfriend, real boys aren’t my thing.” Heeseung laughed again, man you wish you could put his laugh on repeat. “Yeah yeah, whatever floats your boat.” Both of you started snickering at one another, interrupted when a group of boys started to make their way to your house. “Got company?” Shaking your head, you let out a sigh, almost forgetting your brother had friends coming. “No, Jaemin invited his friends over and I’m planning on camping out in my bed till they’re gone.”

Heeseung nodded silently, leaning forward and letting the breeze brush against his face. You watched how the wind moved the hair that usually fell almost into his eyes fly back and exposed the beautiful features you didn’t get to see often. He must’ve sensed you looking, smiling when his eyes met yours. “I-uh, I think I’m gonna go get a snack.”

“See you tomorrow, y/n.”

After Heeseung closed his window, you sat on the floor, screaming silently into the palms of your hands. Throughout all the years you’ve lived next to him, that was probably the most you two have talked since you were kids and all you can think of is how embarrassing you might’ve looked. Opting to get a drink to maybe cool your burning cheeks, you got off the floor and closed the window before heading out your room. You could already hear how loud Jaemin and his friends were, staying silent as you went into the kitchen.

“And I swear to you bro, it was the best confession I’ve ever gotten—hands down.” Whoever was talking sounded familiar, but you weren’t trying to listen too hard and just wanted to get a cup from the cabinet. “Bro, are you sure it was for you, I mean from what I’ve heard it sounds like they barely know you.”

“That’s the exciting part, they don’t know me and when I find them, they won’t be able to resist my charm.” Okay, you were physically disgusted by whatever they were talking about. Not sure what it is about boys their age, but they were always so sure they were the shit and that was not attractive at all. “I’m telling you, if I find her I’m going to make her mine, lemme just read it to you and you’ll know.” After pouring your drink, you leaned against the counter and took a couple sips. For some reason, your curiosity got the best of you and you wanted to know where this was going.

“Lee, I know that this is unexpected, but I have been thinking about you for quite some time and I think I’m ready to finally tell you how you make me feel.” Your entire body freezes, the hairs on your arms stand as you can almost feel the color drain from your face. “I’ve been harboring these feelings for you for a long time and I want you to know how deeply I feel for you, no other has ever made me want to love someone the way you do.” Panic starts to run through your veins as you try and think of how you managed to put the letter in the wrong locker. “Maybe you’ll find out who I am, maybe you won’t, but for now I’ll remain close to you at a distance, sincerely your secret admirer.”

This wasn’t how this was supposed to go, this wasn’t supposed to happen and it wasn’t supposed to end up in the hands of whichever friend of your brothers. Thinking of how you could possibly make this situation better, the sound of your brother's voice being closer to you than you’d like makes you stiff. “Lemme see that paper, it looks kind of familiar.” All you can think of at this moment is how badly this is going to spread around your school if rumors are spread and a mental note to look into how to drop out of school. You must’ve spaced out, not realizing that someone had walked into the kitchen and was now staring at you. “Uh, can you move—I kind of need to get right there.”

“Uh—oh yeah, I’m sorry.” You manage to mumble to the boy who gave you an odd look. “Renjun, who are you—oh hey y/n, come here.” Trying your best to sneakily slip back to your room turned out to be an epic fail, hearing your brother calling out for you. When you turned around, all the eyes of the boys he had over were now on you and one in particular looked a little too familiar for your liking. “Is it urgent?” Judging by the look he gave you, you knew you had no choice but to come otherwise he’d physically move you himself. So you slowly made your way to where they were all sitting, shifting from one foot onto the other in hopes this would be over soon.

“This is y/n, she’s my sister.” Jaemin gestured to you as you awkwardly waved at everyone. “Y/n, that’s jeno—who you’ve met many times before, but the rest are Renjun and Haechan.” Jaemin pointed over to the one who you ran into in the kitchen, Renjun was his name. The other he pointed over to was grinning at you, making your stomach churn as you avoided his gaze. “Hello y/n, it’s nice to meet you.” Your eyes locked with Haechan putting all the puzzle pieces from the day together in your head. He was the one who rejected a girl for your love letter, the same guy who nearly knocked you off your feet on the way to the lunch hall. He’s been everywhere all in one day and something tells you that he’s not going anywhere anytime soon.

“‘Kay, nice to meet you, if you need me nana, call me.” Jaemin could sense you weren’t comfortable, the atmosphere shifting a little as you walked out. Jeno noticed Haechan’s eyes following you, meeting his friend's eyes with a knowing glare.

The next day at school was supposed to go smoothly, that is until you filled in the girls about the situation and they all didn’t react so quietly. “What the fuck!” Chaewon’s supposed whisper was a lot louder than she anticipated, Yunjin slapping her hand over her friend's mouth to quiet her. Due to the loudness from your huddled group on the field behind the gym, people were looking over at the four of you as you and Giselle tried to play it cool. “Do you have to be so loud?” Chaewon gave you an apologetic look to which you gave her a forgiving nod. “I’m sorry, I’m just shocked that the na y/n could be so ballsy and write up her confession into a love letter.”

“Which totally backfired on her, by the way.” Giselle made sure to point out the obvious in the situation, reminding you of your biggest regret in the last twenty-four hours. “You’re telling me, he was literally eyeing me down yesterday in my living room which ruined my vibe after talking with Heeseung.” Yunjin slung her arm around your shoulder, bringing you closer to her as the three of you walked around the field. “Let’s just look on the positive side, maybe Haechan won’t find out it was from you and all will be well.”

“What wasn’t from y/n?” The sound of Jeno’s voice scared you all, making you and your friends jump a little before turning around to see a very confused and sweaty Jeno. “It’s called staying out of conversations you weren’t apa—“

“Okay, let’s go little firecracker.” Giselle took Yunjin away before she said something to upset the boy who was a little amused. “Can we talk really quick, alone?” Jeno shifts his eyes between you and Chaewon, nodding to your friend as she waves back to you before leaving you two. “So, what do you want?” Jeno laughs a little, rubbing the sweat from his forehead off with his shirt. “Kinda rude for someone who I practically grew up with, Jaemin would be disappointed.”

“Yeah, well you were more of his friend than you were mine so I don’t see any problem in getting to the point.” Jeno always admired how head-strong you were. Unlike your brother, you always skipped the line and got to the root of things whereas Jaemin was more relaxed and let things come as they go. “I just wanted to see what’s up with you and Haechan.” Your heart shouldn’t have started to race, not by the likes of his name. Maybe it was because in that instance, you caught a glance of him across the field and when you looked a little too long, he locked eyes with you and smiled.

“Haechan? Nothings going on with us, I barely know him, if even that.” Jeno doesn’t seem satisfied with your answer, but you’re hoping he’ll buy it enough to let you escape the boy who is now making his way towards the two of you. “Alright, I’m just looking out for you—you’re almost like a sister to me too and I don’t want you mixing with him, he doesn’t have the best track record with girls.” Somehow you’re almost sad to hear that, not knowing why you expected anything less than him being a player, nevertheless it still made you sad. “Thanks Jeno, but I gotta go before I’m late to my next class, bye!”

Haechan was hot on your heels, almost near you and Jeno if it weren’t for you cutting the conversation short and running off before you gave him the chance to catch you. Your friends were somewhere on the other side of the field by now, but you opted to head in and get changed before Haechan got the opportunity to steal your attention. You’re running back into the building, turning a corner and nearly running into the body of an oncoming student. “Woah, slow down, what’s the rush?” After brushing your hair out from your face, you look up to see Heeseung smiling down at you as you regain your composure. “Going somewhere important?” The breath in your chest stopped for a second, raking in the beautiful features that were Heeseung’s face.

“Uh—no, I actually was just going to get changed.” He nods, turning around to walk alongside you as you go towards your locker to get your spare clothes. “Hey, I saw the guys leaving your house yesterday, are any of them anyone I should know?”

“No, not really, I mean they’re just Jaemin’s friends so I only really know Jeno and the rest I met officially yesterday.” Heeseung was quiet, watching as you opened your locker and fished through your bag to get what you needed. “Why’d you ask, is there something wrong with them?”

“No no, I was just curious, that’s all.” After closing your locker, you look up at Heeseung one last time before starting to walk backwards towards the girls shower room. “You know what they say, curiosity is the cats greatest weakness.” He laughs, watching as your face heats up from the slight embarrassment you’re feeling. “I’m more of a deer kinda guy.” Laughing yourself, you turn your back to him and leave him standing there against your locker while watching your figure become further and further away from him.

As the day progressed, more and more people were whispering about the mystery girl who sent Haechan the love letter and how he was actively looking for her. Your friends tried their best to keep news from being spread to one ear to yours, but they can’t stop every girl in class from talking about it without drawing suspicion. You were more than happy to be home after school had ended, coming into your house and dropping your bag off in your room before going into the kitchen. Searching through the fridge, you don’t find much appetizing and decide to just heat up leftovers. While the leftovers are reheating, a knock on your door surprises you.

You expect it to be one of your friends or even your brother who maybe forgot his key, instead when you open the door you’re met with a very smiley Haechan. “Jaemin isn’t home.” Immediately dropping his smile for a pout, Haechan didn’t seem pleased with your emotionless reaction to him being at your door. “I already knew that, he told me to come and wait for him till he and Jeno get home.” You give him a single nod, staring at him as he slowly curls his lips up into a grin. “So can I help you or are you just gonna stand there?”

“Inviting me in would be nice.” Rolling your eyes, you step aside and let Haechan come in, watching as he looks around as if he’d never been into your house before. “Don’t go into his room, I’m not going to be responsible for his temper if you mess with his stuff.” Ignoring you, Haechan disappeared down the hallway, leaving you in the kitchen to take out your warm leftovers and a bottle of water. Assuming he went to the bathroom or maybe came down into the living room, you take your food and go into your room to see a very comfortable Haechan sitting on your bed. “Please leave before I call the cops.” Haechan smiled at you, leaning back onto his elbows as he looked around your room. “You invited me in, so technically you’d be wasting your time calling them.”

“Should I call Nana instead?” Wincing, Haechan got off your bed with a smack of his lips and slowly made his way around your room. “Why are you still here, I thought I told you to leave.” Ignoring you, he pulled your chair out from your desk and plopped down into it. By this time, you knew there was no getting rid of him and you were too hungry to even care. Too caught up into the food in front of you, you failed to realize Haechan went stiff as he fiddled with the materials on your desk. Picking up the notebook on your desk, his fingers grazed across the paper as his heart started to beat rapidly against his chest. Something in you told you to look up, feeling your stomach drop as you watched him study the paper in his hands. Immediately getting up from your bed, you grab the notebook from his hands with flushed cheeks as he stays still, looking down at his empty hands.

“Y/n, I’m home! Is Haechan here?”

Your brother’s voice echoed into your room, the tension between the two of you made the room go quiet. “Y/n, did Hae—oh, what’s going on?” Jaemin was more than confused to see you staring down at Haechan with a pink tinted face. Haechan, who still didn’t move until his friend's voice brought him back in, blinked a little before getting up from the chair and left your room without a word. Jaemin was genuinely confused, tilting his head at you. You already knew he wanted to know if you were okay, to which you gave him a nod and he left it at that. The rest of the night that the boys were down in the living room, you stayed in your room and hoped that the earth would swallow you whole at any second.

Since that night, it had been a couple weeks that passed and to say that things were awkward at first would be an understatement. Haechan wouldn’t look you directly in the eye the first couple days following, not that you really cared—but it did leave you feeling a little uneasy at first. When you finally think that maybe all would go back to normal, Haechan started to become a little bolder anytime you were near and to say it made you flustered was also an understatement. Not sure if it’s the lack of romantic—not that you’re calling him romantic—interaction you’ve had with boys up until this point or if it’s the pure charismatic side of him that’s rubbing off onto you each time he attempts a bad joke, but you’ve almost grown accustomed to him being around now.

Your friends on the other hand don’t like it too much, Yunjin advising you to watch how close you get with him and for once rooting for Heeseung. Giselle just wants you to be happy whereas Chaewon thinks Haechan is a cute match for you and thinks you’d be cute with him. You don’t know why you’re daydreaming about either of the boys when you should be focusing on the class you’re in, but what snaps you out of it are the girls whispering not-so-quietly behind you. “I heard that Lee Haechan is going to ask the girl who wrote him the love letter a couple weeks ago to the Valentine’s Day dance.”

“No way, he knows who it is?” You can only imagine the girl shrugged. “Dunno, I think it’s someone who he dated in the past or even someone who he’s known for a while.”

“Really? I’ve heard it’s one of his friend’s friend, but none of them really have female friends, all I can think of is Jaemin’s sister.” You assume they were trying to whisper the last part a little quieter, but they weren’t exactly achieving that. “Whoever it is, they sure are lucky, I mean having both Lee’s of the school being cuffed for Valentine’s Day is a first.”

“Both Lee’s? You’re not talking about Heeseung are you, because if you are I’m going to be devastated.” You felt almost guilty for listening to them, but you pretty much didn’t have a choice and pretended to take notes as they carried on. “Girl, I’ve heard from this girl who was hooking up with Jake that Heeseung told him that he’s planning on asking his longtime crush out for the dance!”

You must haven’t been the only one to hear them, seeing as your teacher loudly cleared their throat which caught the attention of both the girls. The rest of the class went by relatively smoothly, but the thought of Heeseung asking another girl out for the dance really made your heart hurt a little bit.

“What’s on your mind?”

You had been back at home, sitting on your front stairs as the storm clouds started to brew in. “Dunno, just thinking.” Heeseung joined you, sitting beside you as the two of you watched the sky turn from blue to a dark grayish. “You know what I’ve been thinking about?”

“Hm?”

“I’ve been thinking about the Valentine’s Day dance.” Heeseung smiled at you, just a little, but it was enough to bring a smile onto your lips. “Oh really? Speaking of that dance, I’ve heard that you’re planning on asking someone to go with you?” He shrugs nonchalantly, pushing his hair back as you laugh and give him a slight shove. “Don’t be so cocky, it’s not a good look on you.”

“But it is on Haechan, right?”

You’re taken aback by his words, falling silent before looking up at him confused. “Where did that come from?” With a heavy sigh, his shoulders roll forward and he shrugs. “Dunno, you two seem to be getting close, just thought there was something going on between you two.” Looking down at your hands, you ponder on whether you two are getting close. Yes, you did hang around your brother and his friends a little more often than usual, but that wasn’t directly for Haechan—was it? “Nah, we just talk because he’s always at my house.”

“Speaking of always being at someone’s house, you sure are always at mine when yours is right next door.” Jaemin was staring down at Heeseung, no sign of emotion on his face while Haechan leaned from behind your brother to send a smile your way. “Yeah, I should get going—I, uh, I’ll talk to you tomorrow instead, y/n.” Just like that, Heeseung got up and left you alone to be completely furious with your brother. “What the hell was that?” Jaemin rolled his eyes at you, walking past you as you got up from the stairs and followed him inside. “Don’t start with me y/n, I don’t wanna do this with you right now.” Genuinely confused and more frustrated, you slam the door behind you and follow him into the hallway.

“Don’t start what, nana, how about you don’t start shit with my friends like I don’t start with yours.” Jaemin scoffed, physically moving his body as he rolled his eyes. “Please, don’t you think it’s a little weird that he’s always around the house and if he’s not by our front door, he’s all out his window trying to talk to you.”

“You’re saying this like it’s a problem, your friends are always in our house taking up our space and eating everything in our fridge and you have the nerve to complain about our neighbor?” The two of you got into a pretty heated argument that ultimately was put out by your mom. Jaemin claimed the living room, seeing that his friends were still outside due to the tension between you two and you went back outside to get fresh air as the other two boys went inside, leaving you and Haechan under the darkened clouds.

“Hey, I don’t know if this is the right time, but I was wondering if we can talk?” Letting out the heavy breath you didn’t know you were holding in, you nod and Haechan sits down on the steps as you do the same. He fiddles with his fingers for a while as you let the breeze brush against you and relax your mind. “The letter I got, the one I found in my locker a couple weeks ago, that was you wasn’t it?” You could feel the hairs rise on your arms, your mouth suddenly going dry as you choose not to look at his dejected face. “And it wasn’t meant for me..was it?” For some reason, the sadness lingering in his tone made your heart hurt more than it should’ve.

“No—it wasn’t for you.” Just as his head hung, a downpour of rain started and the two of you didn’t bother to move. Maybe it was the emotional stress of all that has been going on, maybe it was because of the sudden comforting feeling of sitting beside him with only the sound of rain filling in the space that silence once occupied. Whatever it was, you felt all aspects of your guard coming down and let everything you’ve kept to yourself out. “I’ve liked him for so long, ya know, that I thought that maybe if I just tell him about how I feel then he’d feel the same way.” You didn’t have to elaborate, Haechan already knew from what he’s seen of your interactions with Heeseung that the boy next door was the one of your interest.

“Surprise surprise, it didn’t even get to him and I’m pretty sure if it did, he’d reject me.” Haechan lifted his head, looking over at you with somber eyes. Trying to fight back the urge of crying in front of him like a child, you sucked in the tears that were threatening to fall down your cheeks and focused your attention on the rain coming down in front of you. “How about we test that theory?” Looking over at him, he was clearly thinking of something that could possibly end in the worst way. Somehow, that didn’t scare you away from the curiosity that was the thoughts in his mind. “And how exactly are we gonna do that?”

“Take my hand and find out.” This should’ve been your sign to just go inside and pretend that this wasn’t happening, that the thought of taking his hand didn’t ignite a fire in you that you never knew you had. Instead of listening to yourself, you let your heart's unwanted beating lead the way and put your hand into his. He guided you from underneath the shelter of the porch and into the rain which at first wasn’t the most pleasant experience. “What does catching a cold have to do with testing if he likes me or not?” Haechan was more than amused by your not so happy expression as the rain got heavier, leaving the two of you drenched in a matter of seconds.

“Dance with me.” You weren’t sure if he was delusional or just downright crazy, both sounding like the best description of him at this moment. “Are you crazy, I don’t get how th-“

“Just dance with me y/n, for once stop thinking about anything else and dance with me.” Looking down at your hand in his, you decided to trust him, even if it meant you’d regret it later. Taking a couple steps forward, you were shocked when Haechan lifted your hand and spun you around, earning a laugh from the both of you. Pulling you in, he rested both of his arms around your waist as you wrap yours around his neck. The two of you slowly rock back and forth as the rain doesn’t show signs of letting up anytime soon. “How long are we supposed to stay out here exactly?” He hums against your shoulder, sending chills down your spine. “Until he’s jealous enough to realize he’s missing out on an amazing girl.”

About to question him, you realize in the midst of dancing that Heeseung was watching the two of you from his house and somehow it didn’t make you feel the way you’d thought it did. “Guess we’ll have to stay out here forever.” Haechan laughed, lifting his head up to lock eyes with you. The view of his honey skin up close combined with the water dripping off the tips of his hair alone was enough to have your heart skyrocketing. The cherry on top of the cake was the little moles scattered across his face that you could only view close up that made the warmth of your cheeks turn a shade of pink. “Fine by me, I like the view from here better than I did before.” With your fingers playing through the back ends of his hair, you slowly started to pull him closer, hoping that the softness of his lips would collide with yours. Unfortunately for you, your brother opened the door and called out for his friend, wondering where he had gone.

“Haechan, where are you—oh.” Instantly separating, both you and Haechan created a great distance between one another as you both awkwardly looked at Jaemin with flushed faces. “I, uh, the boys wanted you to know it’s your turn..on the game.” Without word, Haechan walked into your house and you followed behind him, ignoring the weird looks the two of you got from everyone in the room. Running to your room and shutting the door, you locked yourself in until your mom later told you the boys had left and a very awkward moment between you and Jaemin was felt by your parents during dinner. Afterwards, you got ready for bed and got on call with the girls to fill them in about the day you’ve had and prepare yourself for the day to follow.

The days that followed were not what you expected them to be. Haechan seemed to be avoiding you more than you thought he would whereas Heeseung was always around the corner and ready to spark conversation at any time. While you sit at the table with your friends in the lunch hall, your mind wanders off to your brother's table and your focus is on the boy whose laugh could be heard from a mile away. Your friends were too used to your spacing out to try and bring you back into the conversation, instead opting to watch you in a sad silence.

Heeseung made his way to your table instead of his, smiling down at you when you came back and saw him beside you. “What’s wrong?” Shaking your head, you dodge his question and instead push the tray away from you. “Nothing, just not feeling the lunch they served today.” Nodding, Heeseung nervously looks around for his friends who were silently rooting him on from across the hall. “Well, I was wondering if you still planned on going to the Valentine’s Day dance this weekend?”

“I guess, I mean I haven’t really thought much about it.” Overhearing your conversation, the girls all lean in and smile at the way Heeseung is looking at you. “Actually, we went dress shopping last week and y/n got the perfect dress.” Chaewon said proudly, propping her chin up onto her hands. “It’s pink, by the way, imagine a blush pink.” Yunjin adds in, winking at Heeseung as he nods knowingly at her. “Sounds like I’m going to go find a matching tie to go with your dress.” Shocked, you look at Heeseung with a confused expression as he then stands up with his friends rushing behind him. “Uhm—what are y—what’s going on?” By now, most of the lunch hall was looking over at your table and the embarrassment on your face was pretty evident.

“Na y/n, would you be my date to the Valentine’s Day dance—which in return is me asking you to be my valentine?” Overwhelmed was one way to put how you were feeling. The flowers his friends were holding along with the sign they passed to Heeseung and the pink tent of his face all made you feel persuaded that you should say yes. If you had asked yourself months ago what you would say in this instance, you’d immediately agree because this was a day you had been waiting for since you first met Heeseung and it almost saddens you how conflicted you are. Looking around the hall and seeing the sadness on Haechan’s face masked by the smile he wore, you didn’t know if your answer should’ve been swayed by a boy who didn’t even look in your direction since the near kiss experience.

“Uh, I—Heeseung, can we talk about this later?” A sea of ‘oohs’ and hushed whispers started to spread amongst the ones who were watching it all go down. If he was hurt, Heeseung sure didn’t show it as he gave you the same smile he always gave you and handed you over your flowers. “Of course, you know where to find me when you’re ready to talk.” Heeseung was sweet, probably one of the sweetest boys you’ve ever met, but your heart was begging you to clear the air before everyone gets hurt in the end and that’s exactly what you wanted to do. By the time you looked back over at your brother's table, all of his friends were still there, watching your reaction except the one person you’d hoped to see was now gone.

Sitting back down in your seat, all your friends looked at you in shock as you set the flowers down on the table. “I can’t believe you just rejected that man, in front of everyone!” Yunjin, like always, was the first one to say what was on her mind, but we’re not surprised. “It’s because of Haechan, isn’t it?” You didn’t have the courage to meet Giselle’s eyes, giving them all the answers they already knew. Pulling you in, they all gave you a hug from over the table and beside you as your jumbled up thoughts tried to sort themselves out.

When lunch was over and you walked back to your locker, you noticed everyone in the hallway was giving you strange looks and some even whispering amongst themselves when you passed by. Trying to keep your head up, you opened your locker and started to take out the necessary things for your next class when a note fell out. It was in a pink envelope, a heart sticker keeping it closed and it had your name on it when you flipped it over. Seeing how everyone was watching you, you shove it in your bag and opt to open it when you get home. Unfortunately for you, the stares and whispering didn’t let up and by the time you got home, you finally felt like you had some peace.

Instead of going straight inside, you walked around your house and saw Heeseung playing in his backyard with a couple of his friends from earlier. “Hey, ready for that talk?” Heeseung and the others looked your way, a smile being brought upon Heeseung’s lips when he saw you. “Yeah—Jake, tell Jay I’ll be in soon.” Jake gave him a nod and tiredly went inside, leaving you and Heeseung alone. “So, what’s up?” Walking over to the old swing-set he still had, you sit down and laugh at how far down it is to the ground. “Can’t believe we used to fight over whose feet would touch the ground first.” Heeseung joined you, smiling down at his legs before looking over at you. “Yeah, can’t believe you still beat me when I’m literally almost a foot taller than you now.”

“Don’t let the air up there go to your head.” The two of you laughed and reminisced for a moment until you both grew quiet and the lingering questions in the air were waiting to be answered. “I used to like you, a lot actually.” He didn’t meet your eyes, nor did you look in his direction, instead he remained quiet and let you say what you needed to say. “I don’t know exactly when it started, but one day I just couldn’t stop thinking about you and over all these years I never thought I’d be here, saying no to the one thing I always dreamed of.”

“You can’t control how you feel, y/n, if it wasn’t him, it was going to be someone else that caught your eye and unfortunately I was just too late.” Nodding, you felt an overwhelming feeling of sadness wash over you as you got up from his swing. “Don’t be so hard on yourself, I promise you I’m going to be happy as long as you’re happy.” The two of you hugged, embracing one another into a tight squeeze to savor the moment that you both knew was coming. The definition of your friendship would now never be the same, but in the same way it was a beautiful thing to come, even if it broke both of your hearts. “I’m always right next door if he does anything stupid, I mean it, literally throw a brick through my window if he doesn’t treat you right.”

“Don’t you mean you’ll throw a brick through his window if he doesn’t treat me right?” Looking up at him as you two pull back from the hug, he laughs at how he almost doesn’t make sense. “Whichever comes first, just know that a brick will be involved.” Laughing, you wave him goodbye and go back to your house. It was quiet when you got inside, knowing that Jaemin was home. Going straight to your room, you felt that it was safe to now let everything you’ve been bottling up now out, all the times you’ve felt so alone and not wanting to go to anyone was now tumbling out and the tears rolled down your cheeks. Jaemin knew, he always knew when you were sad and he immediately went into your room, meeting you on the floor and scooping you into his arms.

He always said it was a twin thing, how he knew you were sad and how you knew when he was sad. Somehow, after all these years, it still stuck with you both and despite this being the first time you’ve really interacted since your argument, it felt the most comforting. That night the two of you laid up on the couch watching movies of your childhood and ordered in once your parents got home. It was almost therapeutic to spend some quality time with your brother and even if he didn’t ask any questions, you knew he already had the answers he needed.

Later that night, you laid in bed and pondered over if you should read the letter that was left in your locker. Finally deciding on what harm it could possibly do, you got it out from your bag and opened it up. To your surprise, it was written similarly to yours and that in itself was a clue to who this could’ve been from. ‘Dearth favorite na twin, I’m writing this on the same day I found out you were the one who wrote the letter I got. Honestly, it hurt to know it wasn’t directed for me, but somehow I feel the universe knew what it was doing when it wound up in my locker. I regret not kissing you and I regret even more not talking to you afterwards, but maybe I can make up for it by asking you to be my date to the dance. Don’t answer now, answer when the time is right and if you don’t answer at all, I’ll take that as a yes. Love, your secret admirer.’

That night you held the letter to your chest, listening to your own heart beating to the thought of Haechan and rethinking over and over in your head how this all started and where it was now. Although it’s been a bit of an emotional roller coaster, you don’t think you’d change anything and probably for the first time in your life you were looking forward to the dance.

The following days didn’t change much, people still gave you a look in the halls, but Heeseung and you were still pretty friendly both in school and out. It was now the weekend and the Valentine’s Day dance was tonight. To say you were nervous was an understatement, but the girls reassured you that they’d be by your side the entire night. Jaemin advised you to get ready at one of the girls' houses since his friends planned to be at yours and he knew you weren’t ready to see Haechan just yet. Thankfully for you, Giselle said you could all come to her house and the four of you spent the night that Friday and got up early the next morning to prepare yourselves.

“I say we drop our dates and take our little y/nie instead.” Yunjin gave your cheeks a squeeze, mushing your face with her fingers which earned a laugh from Giselle and Chaewon. After swatting her fingers away, you rub out the sore spots. “I told you that I’ll be fine, no one is dropping anything for anybody unless it’s on the dance floor.” Chaewon smacked your arm with a pillow, giggling as she fell over into your lap trying to do so. “That’s so wrong, don’t ever say anything like that again, I swear Jaemin is rubbing off on you.”

“Hello, they’re literally twins, it’d be weird if he didn’t.” Chaewon playfully glared at Giselle's matter of fact statement. “Speaking of twins, your brother wants us to do a group photo when we’re done.” You nod at Yunjin as she grabs her makeup bags and lays them out. She made sure to point out which products she thought would complement each of you, not forgetting her speech about how women don’t need makeup to feel pretty and overall her importance about empowering women. The three of you all looked at her with a smile, knowing she’d go far in life with the way she carries herself. “Enough of that, let’s get some breakfast and some lipstick because we are not ruining this lipstick for a taco later.”

After the three of you headed downstairs and munched away on a late lunch-breakfast, you went back upstairs and took turns showering before getting ready. Meanwhile, back at your house, the boys sat in your living room and played games all afternoon, per usual. “What do you think it’s going to be like tonight?” Renjun, who was seated next to Jeno, asked as he scrolled through his socials and saw the different pictures of people from school getting ready. “Probably lovesick, pink and sparkly.”

“Hey, don’t judge pink, my sister is wearing pink tonight.” Jaemin whipped his head around quick enough to shoot a glare at Jeno. “Half the student-body is going to be wearing pink, it’s literally a valentines dance.” Haechan added in, groaning loudly when he ended up losing his spot in the game and switched out with Jeno. “Speaking of a certain Na twin, she’s been quiet today, is she home?” Renjun asked out of curiosity, not missing the sadness it brought his friend. “No, she stayed at Giselle’s house and they’re getting ready there.”

“They?” Jeno asked, needing clarification. “Giselle, Chaewon, Yunjin and Y/n.” All the boys turned to give Haechan a weird look, the boy giving a shrug in return. “How do you know all my sister's friends' names?” Jaemin asked, raising a brow at Haechan. “She mentioned them when we would pass one another, nothing much about it.” The other three all knew he was bullshitting, not believing him for a second as they snicker amongst themselves. “Bro, we all know you like her, you don’t have to hide it.” Renjun was the first to say what everyone was thinking, making Haechan’s face turn red. “Shut up, I don’t like her—even if I did, she’s my best friend's sister, I’m not that kinda guy.” Jaemin frustratedly throws his controller down into his seat, switching out with Renjun and sitting beside Haechan.

“I know you’re not and I respect you for that, as much as I never thought I’d say this, just date my sister already.” Haechan was more than taken aback by Jaemin’s words, looking at him with wide eyes. “She’s really been down with you not around and I know for a fact that she likes you back.”

“And how are you so sure?” Jeno joins in, looking way too concentrated on the game to be butting in on a conversation. “It’s a twin thing, take that knowledge as you will.” The rest of the evening until they had to get dressed went without you being the topic of conversation, but it doesn’t mean it didn’t leave Haechan’s mind. With the knowledge he now had, he knew exactly what he needed to do when he saw you tonight and it starts out by getting to the dance early.

After you and the girls finished getting dressed, doing your hair and applying minimal makeup, it was time to head out and off to the dance you went after taking way too many pictures for your brother and parents. You were partly nervous to see Haechan in the crowd, but you kept telling yourself to keep it cool if you did. Keep it cool, how hard could that be? Very hard actually, seeing as the moment you walked in, he was near the entrance and looked way too good for your liking. Looking around, Haechan was impatiently waiting for you to arrive, a feeling of relief washing over him when he finally sees you. Your eyes lock with his and for a moment, he can’t seem to catch the breath you took from him. He doesn’t do well in math, but with the light hitting you in just the right spot and you overall looking breathtaking, it’s all adding up in his head how down bad he is for you.

Moving through the people coming in, he directly goes to you and gently grabs your hand. “Hi.” Smiling up at him, you can see the slight shade of pink in his cheeks. “Hi, hyuck.” If he were to fall out and go to heaven now, he would honestly be content with the use of a nickname from you for him. “Wanna take pictures with me?” Nodding, you let him lead you over to the photographer and a sudden sense of deja vu rushed over you as you think back to the day you two danced in the rain. Standing in line, the two of you were next up and after getting in a recommended position, your first picture of the night was taken. “Another one, this time, show me you’re in love.” Nodding at the photographer's second suggestion, you turn your head to Haechan who was leaning in. You weren’t sure where this was going, but you closed your eyes and braced yourself for whatever was going to happen. When his soft lips were met with your forehead, the picture was taken and the both of you left with red cheeks and racing hearts.

The lights weren’t dark just yet, but they were starting to dim as you two lingered around the dance floor. You spotted Heeseung from across the room and he sent you a thumbs up as you held Haechan’s hand. “Alright, let’s kick things off tonight with a special request from a certain someone who’s ready to tell his girl how he feels.” Haechan looked way too nervous to not have anything to do with the random song request as he led you out to the middle of the dance floor. Some students started to step back and give the two of you space as a single light shines down on you both. It started to feel like a movie, only this time it was your life. “Na Y/n, I’ve been waiting for this answer for quite some time now and if it hasn’t been obvious, I’m head over heels for you, so will you do me the honor and be my date to the valentines dance?”

You were sure your face was just as pink as your dress, covering your mouth to hide the fact that it was hung open. “Yes, I’d love to be your date.” As dramatic as it sounds, people clapped around you and when the song started to play, you took his hand and pulled him into your arms. The two of you slow-danced to songs that had your heart melting against his warm touch and the songs that were a little more upbeat was the perfect opportunity for you to ditch your date and dance amongst your friends while all of you smiled back at the boys who watched in envy. After the first couple of hours, you were ultimately exhausted and stepped off the floor to go get something to drink.

Haechan followed behind you, stopping at the drink station while you took the time to rehydrate. “Do you hear that?” He mumbled, staring off at the entrance which also doubled as the exit. “Hear what, hyuck?” A slow grin formed amongst his lips before he grabbed your hand and started to walk away. “Where are we going, hyuck I’m still thirsty!” You tried to protest with him, pulling him back to the station. After thinking you had won, you took another sip before being swept off your feet—literally. Haechan had scooped you up bridal style and started running out the exit with a childlike smile on his face. “Lee Haechan put me dow—oh!” When the two of you were now outside, you realized why he was so eager to come out and immediately started laughing as the two of you felt your clothes soaking up the rain that was falling down.

Putting you down, he immediately pulled you against him and held your waist. “I’m not gonna make the same mistakes I did before.” Smiling softly at him with your hands resting on his shoulders, you rub at his neck. “Making up for lost time, I guess.” He shook his head, laughing under his breath before leaning in and connecting his lips to yours. The feeling felt almost electric, a spark going through your body and spreading chills across your skin. You never knew a kiss, a simple kiss could captivate you the way it is now. Maybe it was because the two of you had longed for this for too long and a mix of the rain and the salt from your sweat coming down onto your lips, whatever it was, you knew you’d made the right decision the day you wrote a failed attempt at a love letter. Even if it didn’t end up in the right locker number, locker #66 would forever be your favorite.

©︎𝐋𝐈𝐋𝐈𝐀𝐍𝐒𝐔𝐍., 2022

[literally-noone83]

More Than You Know

College!Henry Cavill × Fem!reader

About: The polarity of you and Cavill did not stop at your popularity status; when it came to affection, Cavill was always most comfortable in initiating it. However, you were not. Until one afternoon study session you find you were a little too touch starved to resist him.

Warning: Cussing and Kissing, nothing more. Mainly fluff. Not entirely proofread - literally got the author of moby dick wrong, welp.

Word count: Not that long.

Author's note: I DONT KNOW WHAT I WROTE. Honestly really like this one, especially the last bit. In the beginning I can't help myself but explain the background of their relationship - I realise I do that a lot and I feel like a lot of people just don't want that. But I thought this one was cute asf. Anyways, this also is probably most likely cringey so beware of my corny shit. Enjoy.

"You know I've never seen you this distracted when studying." Henry suddenly said. He glanced over to you, his lips curving into a smirk upon seeing your face become flushed with pink, quickly looking back at your text books.

He's caught you staring at him about a hundred times now.

It's supposed to be your traditional study session. In your dorm, you sat at your desk cluttered with notes and piling content he wouldn't even try to comprehend, and him laid on you'd bed comfortably studying Econ and business.

Henry was never really studious. It wasn't till he met you did he want to try. Who knew one banter with you in a library he'd once never catch himself dead in, about a book he'd only seen the movie of, meant meeting someone like you.

It wasn't hard to note how school orientated you were. You spent more time in the library than anyone on school campus. Volunteering to work there, shelving book after book, at the front desk scanning borrowed items or in between rows of mahogany shelves reading your favourite pieces for the third or fifth time. He thought you were a snob like most. Pretentious, an academic elitist, on your constant high horse. But the afternoon he had to finally sit down and read an overdue assignment of Herman Melville's Moby Dick, his grueling hardship to read one chapter amused you to no end. College's greatest macho man complaining this shit is so boring compared to the movie. The offence you took from such a comment he caught from a mile away. It was the moment he finally took notice and in annoyance he had to ask.

What, you disagree?

You shrugged. He hadn't known your name yet.

Yes, I actually do disagree, Cavil. But it's not like it matters to you.

Huh. But you knew his.

So you think this wad of crap is better than Hollywood blockbuster movie with Chris Hemsworth?

If you had half a brain and a attention span longer than child you'd see Hollywood doesn't do justice to Melville's writing.

... What's your name?

You scoffed and ignored his question.

You were definitely hard headed. You snubbed most of his questions about the book until his inquiries slowly turned on you. You always found a way to evade them. The times you took mercy and helped him in understanding literature were caveats of your walls coming down. Banter turned into teasing. The moment he heard you laugh — and quickly apologised for — his heart spurred with elation he didn't expect to feel. He wanted to hear you that sweet and smile so unabashed. Coincidental study sessions and run-ins with each other turned into late night walks he offered to your place, and hangouts in other bookshops and markets.

The polarity between the two was clichae to say the least but Henry couldn't care less. You become someone he liked to talk to, speaking in ways he hadn't before. And you were someone he loved to listen to. You were nothing like he expected, and he was a far cry from your own expectations. Reputations that proceeded you two crumbled in each other's presence.

In the end the biggest irony was that he couldn't finish Moby Dick for the life of him — you ended up spending hours talking to his about in library shifts — but he could read you so easily.

"I'm not, I'm not distracted." You denied, scribbling some words that wasn't relevant to your Lit course. You heard him chuckle.

"You're also awful at lying," you glanced to your right. He shifted onto his side to face you, taking a break from glossing over his assigned textbook.

"Whats wrong, babe?" He asked seriously, yet his voice still gentle. "You've been staring at me all of a sudden, something is clearly wrong."

"Nothing is wrong," you affirmed.

"Then why were you burning a hole in the side of mu head?"

"I was'nt!"

"So you werent looking at me?"

"Is it such a crime to stare?"

"So you do admit it!" He jutted a finger at you.

You groaned, "Oh hush, you're my boyfriend. Yes, I stare at you."

His heart clenched at your words. He loved it when you claim him as yours. A reminder that I'm yours, made him feel wanted. And in this case, it egged him on to tease.

"Baby, I think you want to do more than stare." You could smell his smirk, you refused to look at him. He watches you crane your neck further into you books, to hide the blush that dusted your complexion. If there something more he loved to hear you say he's your boyfriend was making you flustered.

"You are so lewd." You mumbled.

"So that's a yes." He teased.

"Wh- no!"

"No? you don't want to touch me." He feigned offence.

"I- I never said that!"

"You rather stare at me."

"I'm not saying that-"

"Then what are you saying, darling? C'mon tell me."

Your moment of silence makes him smirk self satisfied. "Aww baby, don't be shy. You are my girlfriend after all."

You finally looked at him. His stupid lopsided smile that made your chest pulse, and stupid sly glint in his eyes, knowing his effect on you. You saw his lips move. So pink and full. You heard the hum of his voice, the playfulness laced through it, and you saw his lips continue to move in speech but you didn't comprehend anything that came out. Maybe you were distracted.

He took your silence as annoyance, he shuffled closer to the edge on his elbows to reach out to you.

"C'mon babe," a laughed sprinkled in his words. "I'm sorry, I'll quit teasing and I'll leave you to your studying. I swear it." He looked up at you. Your gaze was on him but somehow so far from the now. He stretched out his hand to place it on your thigh to bring you back, "Just after you tell me what is going on inside that big brain of your-" The moment he touched you, your hand suddenly grabbed his stong jaw, tilting his head up to you. You leant down and connected your lips to his.

The force of your lips stunned him. You swallowed his words and he couldn't been more pleasantly surprised. It wasn't often that you were so assertive outside the realm of verbal debates and banter. For the longest time you were rather shy when it came to physical affection; the way you stuttered slightly behind a cough when he'd snake his hand down your arm and intwine with your fingers, or never push for more when you kissed. He knew this, and so he was always gentle and you let him lead every time. But this. This was different. His lips were still, at first almost just registering your lips on his. Feeling you press into him further, his hand around your wrist loosened and his eyes fluttered shut relishing at this change.

It was intoxicating. The felt of his lips, the way his bottom lip fit so perfectly between yours. Soft, tender, you had half a mind not to bite into it. You pulled back only millimetres before drawing into for another, a rhythm you were setting he was gladly falling into. All stress and tension dissipated from you, entranced by him, the feeling of him. You want him and you have him, you remind yourself.

Henry was undeniably annoying as fuck. He teased you and never backed down from a banter. He talk to you about anything, so unfiltered you became around him was frightening before. Yet now you find comfort in it; the way he listens and some how picks up on ques from you without saying anything. He was gentle, and understood even when he couldn't possibly; he always tried. He didn't yell or was aggressive as most assume. He plays tough, and has been since you've known him, but he's so soft, he's a sap for romance and a nerd for fantasy. He's genuine, and he's thoughtful. You loved him.

The fact overwhelmed you, and your languid kisses began to pick up. You couldnt get enough of him. Suddenly you were pecking him on the lips. The change in pace, humoured Henry, funny to note you had no time for patience when you dominated. You now held the sides of his face, you felt his lips curl and you kissed the corners of his smile. He was so irresistible it made your heart ache and stomach flutter. As your kisses travelled to his cheeks, to his nose and even eye lids, a chuckled escaped his lips, your touch so feathery it tickled. Until you reached his forehead.

You kissed one last time in the centre between his temples. You held it for a second longer to let him know this was out of affection and infatuation, settling for the spur of physical aggression. An affliction he enjoyed.

You felt him fingers softly caress the back of your hand that cradled his left cheek. Back to earth, you rested the crown of your forehead against his own, too embarrassed to see your flushed complexion as if he hasn't already seen it about a thousand times. Regardless his eyes were on you, closely watching the way your lips parted to release a semi-labored breath and your evasive gaze half-lidded. He couldn't help it either, his cheeks burned at this new affection. It excited him. He wondered if you could feel it under the pads of your finger tips.

"You are actually annoying me." You breathily said and a laugh erupted from his lungs. His breath tickled your face and you couldn't help but join him.

"And you're distracting me." You continued with a smile you couldn't suppress.

"Oh yea?" He swayed you against him.

"Yea, so I think I do need you to leave." You didn't mean it in the slightest.

"After that? I don't think I'll ever leave your side, baby." His voice grew soft, turning his playful comment into something sincere. Soft chuckles slipped your lips, and gently he pulled back. He needed to see your face.

Your hand left his face as you let up some space—just a little—in between you and your lover, rather letting them glide past his side of his neck, dip in the crook of his neck and slide to his chest. One of his hands followed. He warmed your palms and his hand pressed it against him to make sure you rested there.

"I'm sorry," you began, "I don't- I don't usually do that, I just..."

You felt his thumb career your knee and his soft lips peck your cheek, nudging you to look at him. You hadn't realised you were still avoiding his gaze until you met his light eyes.

He leaned in and kissed your other cheek in routine. "Don't do that," his looked at you and you saw his eyes dance between your eyes, "Don't apologise."

You exhaled through your nose, nodding. "I just wanted to kiss you"

"Really? I couldn't tell."

"Shut up" Leaning back instinctively out of embarrassment, he kept you close to him.

"But really, sorry I was so..."

"So assertive?" He raised his brows and you nodded, "Well, I actually quite liked it." He admitted.

"Really?" You asked.

"Yea," he had a soft smile. Not teasing or mischief, just sincere and elated.

"Really really?" You leaned in close, a smile breaking out against your will as you leaned in close.

"Yea," he whispered, his eyes dropped to your lips, as did you yours. You kissed him.

"Well I could practice..." you mumbled against his lips, pressing his hands against his chest to push him slowly back, "to be more assertive."

He followed your lead, smirking at your words. "I would..." He spoke between every kiss, "... love... that..."

"Yea?"

"Fuck yea..." His heart preened at your giggle.

"More... than you... know, baby"

[herooffire101]

I took a class on Death and Dying, and now I'm having thoughts on Persona 3

So I'll admit that I'm a Persona fan. My favorite one is Persona 3, which, for most of my current followers, didn't know I was even a fan. I've watched let's plays of P3FES (not fully), P4G (fully), and P5/P5R(not fully, but I watched Tom Fawkes stream him playing Royal when it came out fully), and I have played at least a bit of each of them. I want to at least finish my playthrough of P3P (female route) before I even decide to get a PS5 and get P3Reload (and Monster Hunter Wilds). And I had thoughts.

I would like to warn you that this does have some heavy topics, and if that’s not your cup of tea, then it’s okay that you ignore this. I have to get this out somehow, with the thought bugging me until I wrote it out.

This was a thought I had, thanks to one of the college classes I’ve taken recently, called “Death and Dying”. Yes, that is the class’s title. In the course description, it is “A study of the dying process, death ceremonies, and rituals in many cultures from past to present, with an emphasis on Western Civilization.” I know that this is a heavy thing for a lot of people, but I had to take this course for the certification I’m working towards.  This thought came from my latest class (at the time I started typing this rant) about how we could talk to and prepare children about loss, and we were given books for children on death, with various ways death could be explained to them. One book had a two-page section on how funerals were performed in different cultures, and I remember reading somewhere, it may have been a fanfic, about how Japan does cremations. I have no idea what the history is, but I can see why. And then I remember, ‘Wait, I’m a Persona 3 fan. What does this knowledge I now know put into context of what the characters went through in the game’s backstory?’ If this is your first introduction of some of my liked video games, hi, I’m HeroofFire101, and I’m the writer of the unfinished fanfic Dragon’s Fool. I currently still have a half-finished chapter left before I post the next chapter and several half-written scenes in the fanfic. The reason why I never finished it is writer’s block. I slid back into more Persona fics because Reload came out and it reminded me about some things. (I’m not talking about it). But what does this knowledge made me have this thought?

It's mainly how Yukari has, spoiler warning to those who haven’t completed her social link, issues with her mother, specifically how her mother basically went AWOL after her dad died in the game and story. I’m not going to lie, I don’t know a thing about the Japanese culture, but I do know is that with how sudden her dad died ingame, (and the MC/FeMC’s parents), how was Yukari informed about his death? These four books we looked at in class, they each had a purpose, three of them talked about death in different ways. One uses animal motifs, one humanizes it, one I think that it should be used for around middle to high school aged children because of the illustrations are so out of place for me (and I never really was into what most kids watched back in the early 2000s). The fourth book was actually more of a workbook on letting kids process their grief (fascinating book, for 6–12-year-olds and published in 1988. I like it). This is where the thought gave me. Did anyone use anything to help explain death to these characters, especially Yukari?!? Hell, even Mitsuru should have been helped due to her being a fucking victim. Don’t get me wrong, I love these characters, but were they introduced to the concept of death after the explosion at the Kirijo Lab that caused the Dark Hour as children? I know, this is coming from a fan from America, but did something cause the adults around them (not counting Mitsuru’s father and Itusuki, they have exceptions for VASTLY different reasons) to forget to help the children. The Teacher of the course, an actual preacher (trust me, I was surprised at first, but also helped realized that he may be the best teacher for this course), said that, with a story to illustrate it, children either get really clinging or very withdrawn to the point of anger at remaining parent/friend/themselves. Yukari is one of those kids who withdrawn herself, and thanks to her mother’s reaction and subsequent actions, distanced herself, probably for the better. Again, before the game even started, we have context within her backstory. As fans of the game, we can create stories using the information given to us, even create AUs of this beloved game. I just want to share this information and thought I had while in class.

If you made it to the end, thank you for reading, and I’ll be haunting the Persona 3 tag. I don’t know if I’ll post more on Persona 3, but I’ll at least read the posts.