#And sorry I am an idiot and shouldn't be allowed to do things sometimes when I'm real tired xD

[lost-gamer-archives]

For the faces meme, F8 with Jerry??! 😊

Full body under the cut bc why not ^^

[venus-giirl]

"A enemies to lovers"

Gyutaro Shabana x fem reader.

Fandom: Demon Salyer.

Word count: +1.8K

Rating: fighting, insults, fluff, anguish, enemies, harsh words.

N/A: I'm back, bitches. This last month I've been with final exams and couldn't find motivation to write. So last night I sat down and decided to write an enemies to lovers with Gyutaro, since I saw that the last post had been well liked. Enjoy reading, sorry for the hurtful words, but in this story the two of them hate each other… or not.

THE BOY IS A MONSTEERRRR

The room was dark. School supplies were cluttered all over the space, which was already cramped. Balls, tennis racquets, strings, mats, etc. Everything smelled like gym equipment, covered with the typical layer of dust that was hardly cleaned unless the equipment was being used.

Both of your breaths were labored, breathing hard due to the little air left inside along with the dense layer of dirt. You were angry at the stupid situation you were in.

"You shouldn't have come, it was me who was tasked to go get the mats." he growls in a serious tone, almost sounding like a dog facing his opponent.

"I've already told you a thousand times, he sent me to help you too, the mats are heavy…". you retort.

"I don't need your help, I am much stronger than you".

"You're an idiot if you think a woman can't fend for herself, Gyutaro."

"The idiot is you if you thought you were going to help me with those weak arms." His breath hits your face. It wasn't unpleasant to you, despite his hideous appearance. It smelled like a mixture of mint and body odor.

You shake your head shaking your thoughts away. My goodness, you disliked him for over two grades. He was so cruel and mean to the other students and envious through and through. He was always complaining about those who were better than him, especially in sports.

"Oh my god, you're unbearable, you know that?". You don't know what to respond and the only thing you can think to do is try to vent your anger by making him feel bad. Even though that really wasn't what you wanted, but you couldn't help it.

"Unbearable is your stupid voice and to top it off the door was locked with the keys out because of you, you clumsy girl." He had snuggled closer to you. Although the room wasn't very well lit, because the light wasn't working either, you could see his face with the small solar halo coming in through the small square window located above the wall where Gyutaro was.

His hands had reached your arms to shake you helplessly for the situation. You wince as he digs his fingers in that it almost hurts and you let out a whimper, trying to pull away from him.

"Let go of me, you brute." You fight back, trying to wiggle out of his grip. "I hadn't even seen the keys." When you had entered the materials room you didn't notice that the keys were in the lock, so you assumed that the trainer had already opened the door and that he had them hanging around his neck, as usual.

"Oh, of course. Because the girl is so dumb that even at that she's not able to figure it out." His comments were starting to hurt and tears were beginning to sting the edges of your eyes. You were not going to allow yourself to sink with his hurtful words. If he could insult you with no regard for your feelings, of course you would too. You hated him.

"You are inconsiderate, sarcastic and unbearable." You scream and press the palm of your hands on his hard chest to push him away from your body. "If you were in a different mood maybe we'd be out of here by now." You press your nails into his shirt and manage to rip a button off. He grunts and squeezes you tighter in his grip. Your arms hurt too much. It might even leave a mark on you.

"I didn't need your help!" He yells and shakes you.

"Fuck, Gyutaro, this isn't about help!".

"Then why do you always show up everywhere I go?". His question left you unsettled, blank. In fact, you also had the same feeling of running into him, in the hallways, at the lockers, when sometimes you were late because you overslept, in fights you were always around or even when he was expelled from class for confronting some teacher, you would show up by the punishment room to put some papers.

"What… What? For God's sake, I'm the deputy. It's normal for me to be doing… delegate stuff." You weren't crazy and you weren't chasing him, it's just a coincidence. right?

He laughs in a low, vile tone, not believing anything you say. "And it's also a coincidence that we're here right now?".

Your cheeks were starting to heat up from anger. "Honestly, I'd rather die than be locked in the same room as you." You spit out in a stern tone.

Gyutaro responds with a laugh too unpleasant for you "Dare to say that again and again and I'll break you". The glint of malice could be seen in his gaze. His teeth chattered with every word and his jaw tensed, you almost thought he might snap his teeth from the strain. His grip and his voice were harder and harder.

"Fuck you." You grab his shirt and try to shake him too.

"Oh, I'm flattered, but no thanks." You take a few steps forward and out of sense take a few steps back. You don't want him to touch you. You can't stand it. His touch feels rough and horrid to you. Cold and hard. Painful and… Fuck, stop thinking about it.

"I hate you, I hate you. I can't stand you and you think I'd be after you? Jesus Christ, you wouldn't believe that yourself. From the moment I saw you I couldn't stand you." Gyutaro is silent for a few moments, seconds in which a silent emptiness takes over the room, which, seconds before, had been filled with screams and voices, insults and confessions too painful and cruel to be able to say them to another person.

Seconds in which your body is pushed forcefully backwards. The air leaves your lungs abruptly and gravity takes hold of your body pulling you down. Your back crashes heavily against the mattresses and you feel a large, angry body looming over you. The vibes shook your skin and it bristled at the numerous sensations you were experiencing, fear, terror… But you were not going to show weakness before him. No way, he couldn't see you crying or in a vulnerable state.

Your breaths were agitated, loaded with words that wanted to leave your mouths to hurt again. Hands and legs move, squeeze, and you try to pull away. You sit up, but he places his palm on your chest and sinks you back down to the mattresses. You claw at his arms and groan, trying to overcome his enormous strength. He grunts gutturally and tries to grab your hands again. When he finally succeeds, he spreads your legs apart with his knees and stands over you, his bony pelvis now between your thighs, preventing you from closing your legs or kicking him. You gasp and grunt, arch your back, but nothing, you can't free yourself from him. From his prison. God…you were almost sure you'd never get out of there.

"I hate you you know." Desperate you attack him again with the only thing you have left.

"I know." He replies in a dry tone and smiles showing his menacing teeth.

"I hate your smile."

"I know." He repeats. His face moves closer to yours. Her hair, always messy, now falls around your face, forming a curtain between the two of you.

"And your face, you're so…you're so obnoxious." Your nose brushes against his, his breath hits your mouth and cheeks. If you could sink even deeper into the mattress you would have made it by now.

His weight on your body burned you more and more. "And I can't…I can't….". Your eyes widen as you feel his lips rest on yours. You don't know it at the time, as the darkness prevented you from seeing, but his eyes looked into yours with a glow…an unexplainable glow. His dry, chapped lips encircled yours in a chaste kiss.

Your breath catches and you let out a soft sigh, half-opening your lips. Gyutaro pulls away just an unbearable millimeter and you already feel the cold from the absence of warmth. In an uncontrollable impulse you sit up and kiss him back. You suck in a breath of air and crash your lips against his. Gyutaro grunts in an attempt to control himself and crushes you back against the mat without separating from you, without breaking the kiss again. His mouth opens and he sticks out his tongue to open your wet lips which you open, inviting him in. Your tongues meet, slippery with saliva. Oxygen is depleted as your kiss becomes more intense. Now it has become a war to see which tongue can dominate the other. Your mouths open in a kiss. His breath caresses your right cheek and you tilt your head so you can get more of him.

His hand held the back of your neck. Since when did his hand hold the back of your neck? His thick, calloused fingers curl and pull at it. Your body arches and his body hovers more over you, the mats supporting the weight of both of you. Gyutaro grunts and begins to eat from your mouth as if it were the last meal on earth. You follow his rhythm and you both create a dance, in which your mouths devour each other with anger, rage, hatred and uncontrolled passion. His teeth sting and graze your lower lip. From time to time he gently bites your tongue and curses, in words that crash over your lips, incomprehensible confessions.

You feel and hear Gyutaro's nails digging into the mat and breaking it as he clenches his fists. Your hands now embrace his neck and you pull at his hair, causing him to growl. At an indeterminate point, you become dizzy and can almost feel his pelvis shift between your thighs, searching for something to relieve himself with.

However, the crazy magic of that crazy kiss is interrupted by the jingling of keys and a male voice shouting, "Is someone inside, the door is locked, hello!". Everything falls apart when Gyutaro abruptly pulls away from your body and growls. His weight, his touch, his breathing, his hands…everything is now cold to you. Your mind gradually comes to its senses and you awaken your mind cold again, assessing the matter. You are still there, lying on the mats, trying to calm your breathing and organize the bomb of events in your head.

"Shit…" Gyutaro curses and turns his back on you. Before he leaves he gives you one last look showing his teeth and walks away, leaving his scent, his trail. You hear the professor hurling questions at Gyutaro who ignores him completely, until you stop hearing his footsteps. Your hands rise by inertia to your red, swollen lips and you again hear footsteps running into the material shed.

"T/n, are you okay?" Mitsuri's soft voice sounds concerned, but you don't manage to hear it. Not after what's happened.

"I… I hate him…". You whisper still feeling the trail of Gyutaro's kiss on your mouth.

[imnot-yula19]

¿Miles?

Miles Prowler x Reader

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Warning: The main character (y/n) will be named 'Cora' for the convenience of me as a writer and for you as readers. Contents +16.

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I was at school walking through the hallways looking for my partner, Miles Morales. I had been dating him for two years now and tomorrow was our anniversary.

My relationship with Miles was quite good, full of respect, understanding and mutual love, many at school sometimes wondered how a boy like Miles, grumpy, serious and who does not usually socialize, was with a girl like me, outgoing, affectionate and who socializes as if his life depended on it, sometimes I wonder the same thing too, but it doesn't matter, what matters is that tomorrow is our anniversary and I wanted to surprise him, but I had to let him know now that I had to go to the park where we used to go because I would be busy and then I wouldn't have time to tell him, I had to take advantage now that we had a free hour to tell him.

═.☆.══════ .☆. ══════ .☆.═

I had been looking for him for half an hour and I couldn't find him, usually Miles tends to disappear because he is "The Prowler", but he didn't do it during the day, everything was very strange, apart from the fact that several boys looked at me with a certain mockery or pity. , I don't know, maybe it's just my imagination.

I walked a little more until I reached an area of ​​the school that was not allowed to go through because it was being remodeled, so I decided to go back and not get into trouble, but I heard a strange noise and I was curious to go see what it was, Maybe it was an animal that had gotten trapped and injured.

I look out the door where the laughing man came from and I realize that it is the theater room, it is strange because in this room there are no windows or doors that lead to the outside, but it could still be that the little animal entered here.

I entered the room in silence trying not to scare away the animal that I thought was there, but when I was inside I saw the most disgusting and painful scene I could have ever seen in my life.

There was Miles, my boyfriend, with another girl having sex. I couldn't believe what my eyes were seeing.

-Thousands?- My voice comes out brittle, I wanted to burst into tears and vomit because of the disgust I felt right there. The boy turns around and looks at me in amazement, he quickly puts his pants back on and separates himself from the girl who was with him. She also quickly begins to dress when she finds herself discovered in such an intimate act like that.

-Cora, it's not what it seems, I can explain it.- Miles approaches where I am with a serious face but showing concern, how hypocritical. -Don't come near me, idiot. I TRUSTED YOU! Was I not enough? Didn't I show you the love you needed? - I say shedding tears, ignoring the girl who was leaving there because although she had gotten into my relationship, the one who had given her that right and that daring had been my boyfriend, no. I would spend my time getting angry at her when the biggest blame for all of this was on Miles. -I don't want to know about you, I don't want you to approach me, look for me or even talk to me. These two years you threw away. - I dry the tears that wet my cheeks, I was not going to cry for someone who did not know how to value me or give me the respect I deserve. -Cora, I'm really sorry, I know I did wrong and that I shouldn't have hurt you like that, but give me a second chance, I swore I won't do it again.- His voice comes out desperate and I see him approach me but I simply walk away. I didn't want to have him around. -I once learned that if you cheat on the person you swore to love and respect, you never truly loved them. You showed me that you didn't care about me or my feelings, so for the sake of both of us it will be better that we don't talk to each other anymore from now on.- I leave the room with my head held high and I leave school because the exit bell had already rung. I would be lying to you if I told you that your betrayal doesn't hurt me, but it's no use crying over a broken plate when you can throw it away and buy one. new, so I will move on with my life and time will heal the pain I feel now.

[skylarmoon71]

Leonardo (TMNT2014/2016): Short Story- Chapter 4 - Final

It's been about a week.

You miss Leo, but his words hurt. Did he really think you were just some airhead? You would not have survived this long if you were.

The world is a harsh place. Leo more than anyone knows that. So why was he acting like you didn't understand? Like you were oblivious to the truly terrible things out there. He couldn't have truly believed that you were this trusting with everyone.

You're not an idiot.

"I'm still a male you know. Stop being so casual about this. You need to be more careful."

Your face colors at the memory.

You aren't ignorant to that either.

You like Leo.

As a friend and..maybe something more.

There's a part of you that hoped he kept coming back because he returned your feelings. That his scoldings were just a way of looking out for you.

That deep down he really did care.

The knock on your glass makes you jump, and you look up.

Leo pushes the window open as he steps inside.

You gulp, unsure if you should be standing or sitting. You shuffle around for a moment. You settle for the latter.

When he's fully upright, he shows hesitation.

The air is a bit heavy for obvious reasons. You offer him a seat which he takes. Neither or you really speak for a while.

It's tough finding the words.

"I don't see you as a pet."

You finally get out.

Leo glanced at you from his seat.

"I just got excited. There's a bunch of us out there in the world. When I decided I wanted to live with humans, I guess there was a sort of stigma. A lot of them think that this way of life is seen as an escape because we don't appreciate our own species, but that isn't true. I've just always been intrigued with life above the water. I thought that I could do the most good this way, both in my world and theirs. It just gets lonely sometimes being the only one."

With your hand pressed into the cushions of your couch, you fidget with the patterns.

Leo wears a soft smile.

Reaching over, he places his hand over your own. You look up at the gesture and his expression causes a stream of butterflies to erupt in your stomach.

"I shouldn't have been so harsh. I was just worried about you. I didn't want anyone taking advantage of you. I was treating you like a kid when you have more experience out there than I do. My brothers and I, we've spent our entire lives hiding from the world. Master Splinter always said that there would be people who would exploit us. I just got a bit protective."

It was really sweet to know that he cared so much.

"Thanks for looking out for me. I guess you're not entirely wrong. I could be a little more careful. Usually I'm guarded like fort knox, but with you I just.."

You pause, and His eyes search yours as you try to find the words.

"I just feel safe when you're around. Like I can trust you with anything.."

It's crazy.

You've known him for two months at best.

"I should be flattered then." He replies.

His hand tightens just a little, and you're a little more aware when he moves closer. His hand slides against your cheek, and you stare, a bit dazed.

"If I'm being honest, I don't like it when you say that I'm harmless, because I'm not."

The intensity of those blue eyes would surely cause some damage to your heart.

"I may not be human, but I'm just as much a man as every other guy. You have to be careful. I am just as capable of taking advantage of you."

You nibble on your lower lip.

"What if..that's what I want.."

The confession makes his eyes widen just a bit, and you look down.

It feels like you might have crossed a line.

"Leo I'm sorry I-"

His lips silence any excuse and you gasp, or moan. You're not quite sure. His hand moves, holding under your neck gently and your brows furrow in satisfaction. Leo is strong, you know that. Given his job description, it's clear why. Yet, feeling this strength, it's different. His finger brushes just under your jaw, and you lean in as much as your body is willing to allow.

There's nothing but the wet sounds of your lips parting and joining. Your head follows every motion that Leo makes. His free hand moves to your waist, right down to the side of your thigh. He pulls you forward as if you weigh nothing, and you part, surprised. You're now seated in his lap.

Leo has found new territory, lips mapping out little kisses on your neck.

"I told you...I..was dangerous.."

He mutters between each desperate kiss.

Your fingers land on his plastron as you whimper.

"L-Leo.."

He's turning you into a puddle. You can't think properly. Form coherent sentences.

You don't realize that you're groping his chest until he pulls back and draws both of your wrists above your head. Leo pushes forward and you back hits the couch. He pins you there, and you stare up in surprise.

His eyes have visibly darkened, and the shift in position has your hips touching in a deliciously provocative way.

"Leo.."

He manages to bound you with just one hand and when his other moves under your shirt, your face is ever possible shade of red.

"You're too defenseless." He teases.

You mean to respond, but he gives your breast a squeeze and you moan instead. He licks his lips at the sound.

When he pushes the garment up, you're flustered. Because your shirt and bra bunch up just under your chin. Your chest is exposed and you squirm. Leo lowers and you stammer.

"W-Wait what are you-"

Your words are lost, because his tongue latches onto your nipple and you cry out. You arch against him and Leo accepts it. How responsive you are.

Loud you're being.

His tongue feels as though it's drawing patterns and you're losing your mind. It feels so good. He finally loosens his hold on your hands, and you immediately move them to the back of his neck to encourage his ministrations. He welcomes it, humming against your skin and you moan at the vibrations.

He changes focus to the other, giving it just as much attention. With each flick, you can feel your hips jerk involuntarily. Leo's eyes are closed, enjoying every minute. Every desperate cry that you let out.

When he dropped by, this was far from what he expected, but he isn't exactly complaining. Just a minute ago he was warning you about being careful, yet here he is losing control.

Devouring you.

The second he finally pulls back, it's to give you the opportunity to have a proper breath.

You look so good, beneath him.

"Are you alright.."

It's a bit of a whisper. You nod, still slightly heaving, but wearing an appreciative smile.

Leo returns the smile, reaching down and sliding your clothing back into place. Your shirt is obviously wrinkled, but you don't seem to care.

He helps you into a seated position, holding you close.

"I hope you learned your lesson."

You bite your lip to stifle another moan at those words.

You have learned absolutely nothing and you intend to make sure that he knows that for future punishments. 

[loyalhorror]

uhh, the ask emoji fandom thing but whichever ones you want to answer for RDR, Black Sails, and Sandman, with a bonus side question of have you done any of the Manderville quest stuff in ff14

OUGH. marxz i am so fond of you (not just for sending this ask i prommy). let's see.

Have you done any of the Manderville quest stuff in ff14?

I DEFINITELY HAVE but I don't remember it at all... maybe @notjusthespongenextdoor can tell me what the fuck I did sdlfksndfkjg it was so long ago

👿Least favorite character

RDR: hmmm I can't really think of anyone I genuinely dislike as a character, at least within the main 'cast'? obviously everybody fucking hates Micah but I love him as a character even if I think in some respects he's sort of WAY too obvious as a villain in a way that makes some gang members look like idiots for allowing him to stay... but then on the other hand I think that's kind of the point + it's proof of how much control Dutch has over everyone. HANDWAVES.

BS: Fucking Vane. I don't like the shit he did in-universe to Max (though I will accept that that was a poorly written plotline in general... or at the very least one that made it just really hard to empathise with anyone responsible afterwards) AND I feel that his redemption arc was kind of "eh". But mostly I think fandom kind of burnt me out on him because I just don't get the hype around him.

SM: hmm it probably depends on what version we're talking about... I don't really like show!Lyta (whereas I love comics!Lyta) but I think that's just because like. The acting and writing in the show isn't always Great(TM). I can't think of anyone where I just HATE them when they're onscreen or anything in either version... with the show I don't like the scenes with Desire+Despair but that's because their dynamic creeps me out as someone who is VERY squicked by codependent sibling relationships in media, I love both characters individually.

WAIT. I JUST REMEMBERED. In the show it's definitely Joha.nna Constantine I'm sorry I just. Do not like the actress much to begin with. I also don't really like what they did with Constantine's gender-swapped design, so to speak - she doesn't look like Constantine at all aside from the trenchcoat. They couldn't make her a cocky blonde gal (preferably with short hair, give me butch sapphic Constantine or else)? I know they were probably going off what they wanted from the acting rather than anything appearance-based, and it's better to have a good actor who looks different than a bad one who matches the comics version, but. GESTURES. I wish it'd been ANY other actress skldfndkjfng. I'm picky with my cocky English people. The wrong vibe can turn it rancid.

😍Character you have the biggest crush on

RDR: HMM good question. it used to be Dutch (yeah yeah I know) but nowadays I have no idea, once a character becomes my blorbo/I start writing them longterm I tend to lose whatever 'crush' I had on them... BS: [head in hands] it's hal gates. i am not immune to fat old men. i want him to [REDACTED] S: HM depends on the day and it depends on which character(s) I'm relating to the most on a personal level. Tends to rotate between Dream, Lucien(ne), and lately, Hob.

💐Comfort character

RDR: John my beloved... BS: Somehow it's Silver, but that's mostly because of what I've written with my friend Seras over the past several years with him + Seras' Horst. S: Dream, most of the time. Sometimes it's the Corinthian (specifically pre-runaway era Corinthian) but not often.

❤️‍🩹Character who deserved better

RDR: Abigail... I feel so fucking bad for her in so many different ways. Not in a "John was sooo shitty omg" way (though he WAS a dick) but just like, man, what a tragedy of a life. BS: MAX. The s1 abuse arc was awful in a thousand different ways but primarily I just don't think it was sensitively written at all. It's not necessarily that I think they shouldn't have included it, but holy FUCK the like... implications that it leaves about every other character who stood back and allowed that to happen or was otherwise complicit in it is uhhh. Not great. S: Dream but also not at all because I think the tragedy of his story is my favourite thing about it. Like Abigail, it's "he deserved better if we look at it in-universe but from a narrative standpoint the agony is so fucking tasty and I wouldn't change it at all".

[ink-flavored]

💘💙 💞

thank you!!

💘 List 3 traits you admire in one of your OCs (preferably ones that you’d like to emulate in your own life).

Okay, I know Pride is a demon and a murderer and literally sided with Lucifer and makes people hate each other for fun, but he DOES have good qualities. Sometimes.

In the process of his development, Pride has ended up having a lot of traits I wish I had. The very sin he's named for is where a lot of it comes from, funnily enough. He doesn't give a fuck about laws or conventions, breaking rules out of spite and not caring what other people think. He is whatever the exact opposite of a perfectionist is, doing the bare minimum and going "I'm the best and I deserve a medal" -- which isn't always a good thing, but man I wish I had the capacity to do that a lot more often. And even though a lot of the time he is defending himself from things that are not attacks, Pride fights back when he's feels like he's been wronged, unabashedly and without guilt-- I am slowly learning to do this but whew!

💙 Which of your OCs would be your best friend (if they were to exist in real life)? Which would be your worst enemy?

I want to be best friends with Hayden because he has 5 baby dragons and that sounds like my dream life. I would absolutely pet-sit those babies, literally whenever. Plus, he's a nice guy, he's cheerful in spite of adversity, and is generally fun to be around.

I don't know if I'd say "worst enemy" but Park does not want to talk about anything other than baseball and I really. really. do not like sports. Sorry dude.

💞 List 3 tropes that you feature in your WIPs and explain why they’re important to you as a person.

Opposites Attract/Unlikely Friends

I only noticed this one recently, but I really enjoy writing characters that, by all rights, should not like each other, but are actually in love and/or best friends. I just think this trope is fun to write tbh! Concocting two people who shouldn't get along and then having to analyze their characters enough to find something they connect on, and build their relationship out from that one thing, and they change each other's perspective on thew way... it is so so enriching for me. I love it.

2. Redemption/People Can Change

This one is really important to me, and it's always done on purpose. I believe that people can change for the better (or worse, but usually I'm writing it "for better"), no matter how many bad things they've done. Sure, it doesn't erase the harm they might have caused, but anyone can realize their behavior is hurting people and stop doing it. And they can be a good person. I think it's really important to tell those stories, especially in such a polarizing time and the rise of internet "if you've done anything bad ever in your life we are allowed to drag you through the mud for it" culture.

3. Monster/"Evil" Creature Getting Soft Unconditional Love

Being told over and over that you are wrong, monstrous, ugly, disgusting, etc. until you start believing it, then one day someone comes along and goes No, Actually, I Love All Of You, No Exceptions? Gets me every time.

BONUS TROPE: Oblivious Mutual Pining

I write this a lot and it is because I think it's funny. And also because there are a lot of times in life that we (proverbial "we") assume that the people in our lives couldn't possibly like and/or love us the same way we do, so we corral our feelings so we don't come across as "too much" or desperate for attention, or whathaveyou. But like... the world would be a much happier, brighter place, full of a lot more love and a lot less misunderstanding if people were simply honest with each other. And seeing the two idiots get together and love each other honestly is, I think, a genuine reflection of that.

We can laugh at "haha the idiots love each other but can't tell even when it's so obvious" but there's a reason it resonates with so many people. It's yearning for something we wish we were brave enough to do.

[send me an "up close and personal" ask]

[uncanny-tranny]

hey, i know you get a lot of asks but i wondered if hou had any like, light you coukd shine on a situation im going through:

im trans. a genderfuck, a transsexual, blah ect. one of my sister's is trans too and she came out to my parents a bit back. i havent reallg come out. like, my mom knows im trans too but i never talk to her about it and she never asks. im not doing well for a lot of reasons but one of them is that i feel like ill be stuck living with my parents forever as a disabled kid and also my older brother is a transphobic ass and he's allowed to say whatever the fuck he wants. my mom will even agree with him sometimes even tho she claims thats just becaus she feeks she has to support him too, even if she thinks hes going down the wrong path.

to make a long story shorter, my older sister thinks i should be direct with my mom, tell her im trans, let her ask questions and shit, because my sister believes my mom woukd love to support me and im being an idiot for defining my relationshio with my mom around my brother.

but its not just that. like my ass of a brother is part of the issue but also my mom has said transphobic shit to me for ye ars way before she knew i was trans and its?? just. when my sister came out she told me how she wished my sister had waited longer and how it was so exhausting figuring things out and hos she wished my sister wasnts trans because things were going to be si hard and i LOVE being trans and i dont want to feel like my gender is just another burden on my plate. like my mom treats me more like im her therapist than her child half the time and i CANT do it. i dont want to talk to jer about my transness, i dont want to "officially" come out even if i am doing shitt on my own. its better than i was constantly around her. i dunno. am i being an ass??? or like overreacting? shoukd i just suck it up and talk with my mom?

You absolutely don't have to talk to her about this, and it's really concerning how you're being treated. I'm really truly sorry, it's fucking tough. Ultimately, it does make sense why you wouldn't talk to her about this, and I don't think it's an overreaction to see that your brother's behaviour is tolerated, I can see how you'd play it safe and assume that that tolerance is a reflection on how your mother feels.

However, please take care of yourself. You don't owe it to your family to bear your heart and soul if you aren't ready, but you owe it to yourself to do what it takes to be able to get through this. It's hard, and I hope nobody downplays how difficult it is to be in that place. But please don't believe that you deserve this, if you think so. It's easy to fall into the trap that how you're treated is how you deserve to be treated, but that's not true. I hope your family can learn to grow, but they shouldn't learn to grow at the expense of you, if that makes sense.

You're entitled to not discussing this, and it sounds like you don't want to, no? That's completely fine and not only fine but understandable. Your transness doesn't depend on your family accepting, understanding, or knowing about it. You'll always have and be entitled to a place in this community, if you'd like it. I'm really proud of you

[holdontwstistakingovermymind]

Crafting With The Dorms Pt 1.

I'm being intentional vague with what crafting implies, because I am the dumbass who does the majority of these things.

This is also polyam!Reader but it's such a small part that it's hard to notice. Sorry for a two parter but I'm doing a lot rn ifbshfkenn

♡

Heartslabyul

Do you think any of these idiots can work a glue gun?

That alone would cause enough chaos in the dorm that Riddle would attempt to collar everyone to calm the situation down. Which would fail miserably, of course, because glue guns obey no laws of magic or man.

Trey at least has the patience to figure out how to do things the right way. Thankfully you have him for whatever task you decide to undertake.

The others aren't nearly as... together.

It's best to keep your projects with this group simple. No special tools, no complicated stitches or knots, ext.

They might be insulted at first but by the time you've all finished your little concrete stepping stones, with everyone covered in the mix and Ace sporting a nasty cut to his thumb after Deuce handed him a sharp mosaic piece, there's an understanding.

Cater takes a video of you guys making it for his socials and tbh most of the comments are laughing at Riddle's red face as he struggles to place a decoration.

Ace and Deuce are going to try and compete to see who has a better stepping stone. They both lose.

(^Ace's cracks because takes it out the minute he thinks it's hardened. Deuce's never sets properly because he added too much water. Yes they are disappointed.)

Cater uses so many decorations that you almost fear the entire top may crack if it's stepped on.

Trey and Riddle are doing a theme together to match the garden. They'd love for you to join them but don't be too hurt if Riddle doesn't approve of your piece in the end.

The standards for the Heartslabyul dorm are incredibly high.

(This doesn't mean he gives it back. Riddle is romantic!! He'd be the type to use one of those little platestands to display your piece if allowed.)

In the end you get at least four stepping stones from this, and a mess that looks like you made twenty.

♡

Savanaclaw

Ruggie is good at some crafts and better at others. There's a few that he can't catch onto, but that's pretty much true with anyone.

Of course this doesn't mean he likes every activity avaliable. It just means he isn't as nearly as lost when you suggest doing something.

Leona and Jack on the other hand...

Jack tries. Really, he does. Anything you throw at him he'll attempt to tackle, and maybe that's the problem.

It's difficult for him to let loose, which is what being creative is all about. If you put instructions for how to make make something in front of him he'll do it by the book every single time.

Which is probably better then Leona, who doesn't do it at all.

The best craft for this group is probably going to be something that's more building based.

Kinda like one of those DIY workshops at hardwear stores for kids.

Perhaps building a cornhole game would be fun.

(^IDK IM FROM THE MIDWEST THIS IS WHAT WE DO. I don't know anything else! What other sport can you build?!?!)

They actually might be better at this then other things. Mostly because the novelty of playing the game after they finished.

Jack seems like he'd be a perfectionist in regards to specific measurements for everything, but sometimes he goes overboard and overcorrects his mistakes. Usually he's going to find a way to cover it up, but if not, you can always suggest blaming it on Leona.

Leona doesn't care.

(In the scenario that you do, in fact, build a corn hole game, throw the corn sacks at Leona and see what happens).

♡

Octavinelle

They probably do some sort of DIY.

(Azul literally enslaved half the school for free labor so it's not hard to imagine that they decorated the lounge themselves)

But don't give Floyd any glitter that's a bad idea.

^Actually most things shouldn't be given to Floyd, as he can always find some unintended use to harass the student body with.

Best option with this group is some sort of

Paint by numbers seem to be something Jade and Azul might do, but Floyd will not abide by the rules.

You'll end up with three matching pictures and one nightmarish terror.

He only does it because it makes Azul (and possibly you too) cringe.

Ugh

[straykidsworldwild]

Duskwood

Phil Hawkins x MC

Part 3 : MC calls Phil. The next night, as she was going to the bar, someone crosses her path which unpleases her. She rushes to the Aurora and that's where another chapter of her life begins.

Warning : little swearing 🙈

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Heyy guys!! How are you? 😁 So sorry this part took so long to be published. Pardon me. Hope you'll like it! 😁

(I don't own the pics, I just made the collage. Credit goes to the creators of Duskwood and owners of the pics.)

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I take a deep breath in and out as I do a messy bun. I feel like I am getting ready for a marathon. My heart is already beating stronger and faster than normal and I haven't pressed the calling button yet. It's crazy how he makes me feel even when he isn't here, next to me… Just a thought of him and it makes my heart racing. I wonder how he feels when I'm close to him, talking to him, or just when someone mentions me. Does he even think about me sometimes? I know Phil is pretty confident about himself but that doesn't mean he cannot feel nervous, right? Anyway... I have a call to make. Alright, one last deep breath in and out and… Oh, you're such an idiot, MC… I'm so nervous that I'm calling the Aurora instead of his phone… I hope he is still at his bar.

- "Hello?" I hear Phil's voice echoing right after he answered. At least I know he is still there... His voice is so restful and deep. I smile just by this simple note coming from his voice.

- "Hi, I'd like to talk with Mr. Aurora", I answered the man, sounding playful as I let a small chuckle out.

- "MC" calls me, Phil, chuckling back. Oh God... You're not allowed to do that! My smile grows as I can picture him just by hearing him chuckling. It's so contagious... "Wait, before you say anything, I'm so sorry about..." He suddenly tells me which surprised me. He spoke so fast...

- "Phil, I'm not upset or mad or anything. Don't worry. It wouldn't be right of me to be upset with you anyway.", I immediately reply to the man, interrupting him. I do not want him to feel guilty or awkward about what happened. There's no need for that...

- "Why not? That girl literally shamed you and flirted with me in front of you." He tells me back, sounding confused as to why I am not angry. I mean… I guess there's reason to be upset but not angry. But are they worth being said out loud right now? I'm not sure...

- "Well, one, you're free to have whatever kind of relationship you want. I don't have a word to say about that. And two, we're not together so I don't see why it should matter." I answer to Jessy's brother which didn't sound that harsh in my head. I close my eyes and hit my face with my hand. Why did I say that? He's going to think I am not in for something with him or that I might have moved on from trying something with him. But then, do I want something with him? Am I ready to be in a relationship with Phil despite the kind of man he is? I mean, he can change… Right? Well, he already changed, right? For a moment, a dead silence takes place in the phone call. "Are you still there?" I ask Phil, my voice sounding faint compared to before.

- "Yeah, yeah... I was just deep in thoughts." He responds to me, sounding… Hurt? Disappointed? Maybe both... I couldn't tell. I let a quiet sigh out as I feel my heart beating so strongly down my chest. I need to know… Even if it scares me, even if it might not pleasure me to hear what he is going to say, I need to know.

- "Can I ask you something?" I gently demand to the boy.

- "Of course, Gorgeous" he answers softly. And the deepness of his voice is just so amazing to hear...

- "Are you being serious about... I mean... Are you really trying to... Do you really…" I sigh again but louder this time. How is he supposed to understand what I want to ask him if I can't put three words in a row? "I'm sorry, I don't know how to formulate my question." I tell him as I lightly shake my head. I'm such an idiot...

- "You want to know if I am playing with you or not?" He tells me as if he just read my thoughts. Oh... Am I this obvious?

- "Yeah. It's just... I'm having a hard time to believe that you actually want something with me. I mean... It's just easier to think that you want something from me than with me. Especially when I see the kind of girls you liked before…" I confess to the boy, telling him my worries all while hoping it doesn't make him step away from me. I don't want to lose him because I worry to much or don't open easily to him... I just need time.

- "I never said I liked them, MC." He calmly answers before hearing him blowing some smoke.

- "But you must have felt something for them, otherwise, you wouldn't have wanted a night with them." I reply to him with an unsure tone.

- "It was just physical attraction, nothing more. It's different from you. With you, it's not just the attraction, it's... It's the spark that I don't have with the others." He tells me sincerely and seriously, always sounding so calm but so sincere at the same time. I hum as I look down. I want to believe him… And maybe I do actually. But there's always this lack of confidence in me that brings me to my rational side. "I told you, MC, and I'll say it again. I love you. Now, I know what you think about me and I know what people say about me. But I don't care. And I care even less of those chicks. I only care about you." He admits to me with the same tone as before, sounding lightly desperate for me to believe him. I care about you too, Phil… More than you think, more than I certainly should. I stay quiet as I meditate on everything happening right now. There is a lot to think about. Suddenly, I hear a light sigh coming from Phil. "MC, do you trust me?" He suddenly asks me. Oh… Well...

- "Of course, Phil." I answer instantly, nodding positively even though he doesn't see me.

- "Then trust me when I say that I'll be ready to change things from me to be with you." He confesses seriously before blowing some smoke again. Change… But I don't want him to change...

- "I don't want you to change anything from you. I just... I'm just not confident enough." I tell and confess to the boy, admit my lack of confidence to him. It actually feels weird… Why am I telling him that?

- "If you let me, I'll prove to you that I really love you and that I'm not trying to play around with you. But I'll only do it if you want me to give you that proof. I'll never force you to do anything. It's your call." He says seriously and sincerely, letting me all the cards in my hands. It's my call… I smile, unable to stop it. Why do I smile in a moment like this one? How can he make me smile in a conversation like this one?

- "You're charming." I tell him which makes the boy chuckle. "I didn't give you your hug." I recall, sounding like I am kind of excusing myself to him.

- "I know. It broke my little heart." He says jokingly even though I could hear he was serious in a way. I giggle at his answer despite being sorry. "Maybe you could give it to me tomorrow night, Gorgeous." He suggests before a small pause takes place in the conversation. "Huh, you're coming to Jessy's birthday tomorrow night, right?" He asks me with an unsure tone.

- "Yes, why wouldn't I?" I demand him back, sounding confused.

- “When are your uncle's funerals?” he questions me, ignoring my questions. The funerals…? Why is he asking about that?

- “Huh... Tomorrow morning.” I begin to answer when something just comes up in my mind. Of course... “Oh, I get it. You think I shouldn't go or I wouldn't want to go to the party?” I tell him, sounding like I have just read his mind this time.

- “Well, I just thought you would have preferred to be alone, maybe? That you wouldn't be in the mood for a party.” He responds so gently and so calmly, clearly caring about my emotions. I could hear how much he cares for me just by the sound of his voice. It’s crazy…!

- “Well, I will certainly be down but, I'd rather be with my friends than alone at home, especially in a time like this one. It's not…” I let a small sigh out. “It’s not good to stay alone. And my uncle wouldn't want me to stay by myself anyway, so…” I reply to the man I have been having a crush on for so long. The pain was heard in my voice.

- “Well, you can call or send me a message if you need to talk, okay? Anytime. I'll be there for you, MC.” He answers sincerely and seriously, showing me his support.

- “Thanks, Phil. That means a lot.” I tell sincerely to the boy, cracking a smile. That warmed my heart.

- “I'm sorry but I'm going to have to hang up, Gorgeous. I need to do the closing.” He says with a disappointed tone towards himself because he needs to hang up. Oh already...

- “Sure, no problem. I'll see you tomorrow. Goodnight.” I tell him as I smile like an idiot. Again... Thank God he cannot see me...

- “See you, Gorgeous. Goodnight.” He wishes me back, letting a soft chuckle out. Oh… I keep a smile over my face and hang up. Why did I fall for an idiot like him?

~ Next day, morning ~

Next morning, I wake up and do my little ritual before getting ready. I out on a black dress with black heels but don't bother putting on the small amount of make up I usually wear. It's not necessary, I will ruin it with my cries anyway... Mom is waiting for me at her home. I told her I would pick her up before going to the funeral. I know mom is strong but I’m not sure she’ll be able to drive after the funeral. And to be fair, I’m not sure I will be able myself, but I’ll try… I have to be there for her, firstly, then myself.

~ A few hours later ~

I feel so strange. I feel like a piece of me was ripped and is missing, but at the same time, I feel relieved. I mean… I feel like my uncle is finally resting in peace and I can try to move on, live my life like he would want me to do. Though, I just can’t stop thinking about him… I want to turn the page but I'm also scared to forget him at the same time which isn't a good match. When I saw the white flowers set for my uncle's funeral, I was just so happy. They looked amazing. I just wished I could have bought those flowers for another and more joyful reason though... Anyway, maybe Phil was right to worry if I would come or not to Jessy’s birthday party tonight. I really don’t feel in the mood right now… And certainly not later either…

After dropping my mother at her home, I stayed for a moment with her. I just needed to make sure she'll be okay. And I also needed to be with my mom. I needed my mom. Anyway, I am finally on my way back home as Jessy won’t be long now. I park my car and walk up toward my little apartment. Oh… I’ve got a message.

- “Hey, MC, I’m sorry but I have to go help Cleo with something so I don’t think I’ll be able to make it in time at your home. Can we meet up at the Aurora, instead?” I read her text message which was sent an hour and a little more ago. I completely forgot to pour the sound back on so I didn't hear any of the notifications I received. "I keep my phone close to me though. So if you need to talk, I'll be there." I read her second message. A small smile comes over my lips.

- “Of course, Jessy, no problem. I’ll see you there.” I simply respond to her message as I don’t want to bother my mind right now. I don't want to talk. I guess I’ll get the chance to rest a bit before going to the party. Maybe I’ll be a little more motivated to go there after…

A few hours later, I am on my way to the Aurora to go meet up with the others. Well, I'll probably be the first one since I always come early. There’s a part of me wishing I could actually be home, lying on my sofa in front of the TV, and do nothing, and the other part is telling me, “is Phil alone right now? Will I have a heart to heart moment with him?”. Yes… I think… Yeah, I think I want to tell him that I want to give him a chance if he is really willing to have something serious. I don’t know if it is the right thing to do or not but, I need to… Live. I need to try new things. I need to challenge myself. Telling my emotions to him, how I feel about him, it’s something new. It’s just so hard to talk about how I feel most of the time. Especially saying my feelings to the boy I have a crush on since… A while now.

The streets are enveloped by the darkness of the night, but the streetlights bring some light to them. Thankfully, it's a calm night without any rain pouring down.

- “Hey!!” I hear a familiar voice screaming in my back. Not so calm now... Though the voice sounded… Off. It was a man for sure, but the person didn’t sound very "fine". He talked quite slower than a normal person would do normally and he half chew over his words. Is he drunk? I continue my way, ignoring the man. That's the best thing to do... “Hey, MC, is that you?” What? Who...? I turn quickly around to just give a glance at the person, but I don’t stop walking. Oh… My boss…? What is he doing here? “Whatever. Why don’t you come see your favorite boss, Baby Girl? You could be surprised by me.” He says in a drunk way as he points at me with a bottle. Oh… Huh… I didn't see it before. Hell no! I clear my throat, feeling uncomfortable and scared. I…

Without thinking further, I start to run away from him as I know the Aurora isn’t far from here now. It’s just a couple street corners away… I run as fast as I can, hoping to lose him. Which some chances, he is too drunk to actually run after me. Well, he did still seemed a little bit himself despite the alcohol... There! I can see the colorful light from the bar lightening the street. Please, be there.... Alone or with someone, I don’t care…. Just be there. I rush inside the Aurora and immediately close the door behind me before sticking my back against the door. I thought I was going to make a fool out of myself in front of people, but it’s empty… Though, Phil is standing behind the counter, cleaning some glasses. Breathless, I quickly lock the door and step away from it as I walk backward towards the counter.

- “Gorg…” I hear Phil calling me with his lovely voice. Though, it was quick to faint. “Did you just close my bar?” He asks me with a confused tone as he points at the door. I look up at him, fear flashing over my face. Wow, I didn’t think I was this scared actually... “MC, what's wrong?” He asks me right away with concern while walking around the counter to join my sides.

- “Phil, he's following me.” I tell him rapidly and out of breath as I walk towards him to meet him midway. Wow, I… I didn’t even control myself. It’s like my body just talked for myself, walked over to him, needing to feel this protecting feeling.

- “Wow, calm down. What are you talking about? Who's follow you?” He says calmly and seriously as his hands come grabbing my shoulders. Oh… I stare into his eyes, reading the calmness in them. Though, I can read the concern in them. Suddenly, there’s a loud thud coming from outside which made me jump and gasp, breaking eye contact with Phil. I turned around and found my boss standing outside, still holding his bottle in one hand. He managed to get here without falling? Oh God... Seriously?!

- “MC, bring your sweet little ass outside before I fire you!” I hear him yelling in the middle of the street which made me take a step back. Even with a wall and a locked door separating us, he still scares me. Phil grabs my wrist as he takes a step forward, shielding my body with his.

- “He's drunk and clearly worse than when he's sober…” I inform to the man as we notice that my boss is trying to get inside Phil’s bar. Please, don't break anything here... “I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bring him to your bar but…” I rapidly apologize to Phil, shaking my head negatively as I dance on my feet. I shouldn't have come here...

- “Hey, it's okay. I'm glad you actually found your way here." He tells me reassuringly and so calmly. "Stay here. It's okay.” He tells me with the same comforting tone while motioning me to not move. Huh… What is he doing? Phil goes to the front door, looking so upset. He unlocks it and opens it before stepping outside. Though, he makes sure to close it back behind him. “What can I do for you, sir?” I hear him asking seriously to the drunk man. It’s faint, but I can still hear their voices.

- “You?” Says, my boss, while rudely pointing at Phil with the bottle and frowning confused. “You work here?” He tells him with surprise as if Phil wouldn't be able or wouldn't be smart enough to work here.

- “I even own the place.” answers, Phil, crossing his arms over his chest.

- “Right... Look, I'm not goin' to bother you 'ny longer. Just tell me where the little wh**e is?” Then asks, my drunk boss, half screaming in the middle of street. I'm actually pretty sure he doesn't notice that he talks so loudly. Wow... He definitely doesn't know what pet names are...

- “Excuse me?” Questions, Phil, sounding very unpleased and like he heard him wrong. Though, I can tell that it is making his blood boiling.

- “Don't play dumb, boy. Where's she? She and I nee' to talk. If you know what I mean.” I hear my boss saying before he smirks, looking hungry for… Ugh! He’s such a pig! Knowing the thought he must have with me, I grimace with disgust. “She seems like a good little b**ch waiting to be f***ed.” He says before starting to laugh drunkenly. I knew he wasn't nice, but I never thought he had such a disgusting side...

- “Mmh... You see, I deal with clients all day long and I noticed that there are three different types. First one is the nice ones. The ones who come enjoy a drink or two and then go. Then, there are the annoying ones. They take a few drinks and start talking very loudly and getting a little bit out of line but it's still correct in a way. Finally, there are the ones that get to another level which is disrespect and being rude. Unfortunately, that happens to make me angry. Sadly, you're there right now. So I suggest you turn around and walk away while you can.” Replies politely and professionally, Phil, trying not to lose his cool despite the anger rising more and more. I know it. I see it. Just by the sight of the vein popping in his neck and the way he firmly closes his fists… His knuckles look so white...

- “Are you threatening me, boy?” questions, my boss, trying to play tough despite the fact that he struggles to stay still on his two feet.

- “No, It's just a "friendly" advice from one boss to another. Be smart. Take it. Turn around and walk away.” He tells him seriously, trying to make the man go away before it goes too far. I just hope he isn’t as stubborn as he is when he is sober… I stare at them from inside the bar, frowning with concern. This situation makes me so nervous. My boss is clearly unpleased by Phil’s words. Suddenly, the man starts screaming and draws his bottle towards Phil. Oh! The owner of the bar dodges the hit in time and pushes my boss against the wall behind him. The man is face first, kept pushed against the wall. “If you don't leave right now, I'll call the police! Want to think again?” Warns seriously and firmly, Phil, frowning with anger. Though, I can tell he is struggling to keep his anger in him. I have rarely seen Phil this mad… Honestly, it’s scary. Suddenly, my boss makes a rough move backward, his bottle hitting Phil’s ribcage. Oh! I gasp as I saw Phil bending over. My boss turns around and tries to hit Phil in the face with the bottle. Well, he isn’t as drunk as I thought… Phil steps back in time before punching him in the face. I gasp in surprise. I never saw Phil fighting before. My boss lands flat on his belly, the bottle rolling on the sidewalk. Though, he comes back up, helping himself with the wall. I can’t just watch them fight like this… I can’t watch Phil getting hurt because of me… My boss grabs Phil by the collar and pulls him before pushing him against the wall. He still has a certain strength... Though, Phil instantly pushes him back. I can’t...

- “Stop it! Now!” I scream after rapidly stepping out of the bar. I come in between the two men and separate them, forgetting what my boss could actually do. I push the drunk man away from Phil, making him stumble backwards before he catches himself on a car. Meanwhile, I place my hands on Phil’s chest as I felt him going for him. Hell no…! Enough! “Phil. Ph... Phil!” I call the boy as he tries to walk past me to get to the man. He's not angry, he's raging. Though, when I called him, imploring for him to look down at me, he stopped. His eyes met mines and softness instantly drowned them. “Stop, please. Don't enter his game.” I plead him seriously as I weakly nod.

- “I'm not letting that pig talk about you or treat you that way!” He replies with anger, looking back with dark eyes at the drunk man standing behind me. Phil takes a step forward, but again, I stop him, getting before him as I keep my hands on his chest.

- “Phil, look at me. Look at me!” I tell him seriously as I bring one hand to his cheek. Why am I doing this? Why does this feel so… Normal and right? Just with my hand on his cheek, I can feel how much the anger is boiling inside of him. I force him to look down at me. “Calm down, please.” I demand him softly, our eyes connecting a second time. The man stares at me displeased for a moment before letting a sigh out. Please, don’t do it… I didn’t notice, but I’m actually running my thumb on his cheek, as if the hope of him to calm him down will be by this simple gesture.

- “Are you going to make out now? Because I'd rather live the show than to watch it.” Comments, my boss. Gross… Disgusting… Repulsive… I slowly turn around to face the man as I stay before Phil. He is smirking as he looks at my body up and down. I’ve never felt so bad and embarrassed before. Like… He hasn’t done anything to me, but just the way he looks at me makes me feel dirtied.

- “Well, I'm going to make it easy for you, sir. I'm done. I quit. I'll come pick up my stuff tomorrow even though it isn't much.” I tell him with seriousness while frowning madly. I have to end this. My boss stares at me with a frown, processing my words.

- “You can't quit! You're working for me!” He screams back at me, half chewing on his words. As if...

- “Yes, I can!” I scream back at him which surprises him. Yeah, he must not be used to someone replying to him or going against him... “And if that doesn't please you, it's still going to be the same. I'm done being mistreated by you and by most of your clients. And if you can't accept that, maybe the police can help you like the idea. I'm sure I have enough to say against you.” I tell him with a reminding tone, raising my voice lightly but not as loud as he talks to me and keeping that firm tone. I don’t know where this confidence comes from, but it feels… Powerful. Maybe because I know Phil is here and has my back? I don’t know… My boss stares at us two so madly before he looks away. “Oh, and by the way, you owe me at least 4.000$ of pay for all the extra hours I did. I better have them soon if you don't want this to go to justice.” I remind him seriously, pointing at him with my finger. I feel like a tea pot. Everything I've been wanting to say to him, I say them.

- “You were i'competent 'nyway. 'nable to do one thing righ'. I won't be losing much.” He replies at me with a mad tone, almost looking relieved that I’m quitting. I watch him dancing on his feet, almost tripping over his own feet.

- “Exactly, and you were bringing absolutely nothing to me so it looks like we're both winning. Me a little more.” I answer to the man, keeping my firm and mad tone against him. Without saying another word, my boss just scoffs before he turns around to leave. Oh… First time he actually backs down in front of someone… Anyway, he'll far away now. I turn around to look back at Phil, watching him holding his ribs. Oh… “Oh God, are you okay?” I demand him with a worried tone as I try to hide my guilt. It’s because of me if he is hurt...

- “Yeah... He wasn't as drunk as I thought.” Answers, Phil, looking down at me with a light frown. Though, it is not a mad frown or else, he seems more.... Worried or concerned. But relieved at the same time, weirdly… I frown sadly before I look down at his free hand.

- “Come with me.” I tell him gently while taking his hand in mine. “Let me help you” I tell him while helping him get inside. Well… I’m not sure he needs help but still, I just feel the need to help him. He literally saved me from my boss.

- "Thanks, Gorgeous”, he says as he lets me lead him back to the bar. I close the door behind Phil and let him take place on a chair. While sitting, I hear him groaning lightly before he clears his throat, as if he didn’t want me to hear him in pain. Right, I should get him some ice. I walk over to the counter and go behind it. So it should be… Here! “You even know where ice is.” He tells me with an impressed tone as he lets a small chuckle out. How does he know I looked for that? That chuckle… It’ll be my death.

- “I've watched you worked behind that bar countless times. It's not hard to guess where the stuff is.” I respond to the boy as I come back to him, holding a cloth with ice in it. “Let me…” I tell him while sitting across from him. I gently and lightly lift his shirt up just to see if it has bruised or not yet. It’s starting to get bruised... I let a guilty sigh out before pulling his shirt back down. I place the cloth over it and delicately press on it. Phil lightly winces because of the pain and the cold touching his skin as he looks away. “I'm sorry. I didn't…” I begin to apologize to the man as I avoid his eyes.

- “It's okay.” he interrupts me as I feel him looking at him. I know he is. “It's not your fault. And at least I know you won't see that dick anymore.” he says with a satisfied and relieved tone.

- “Honestly, it feels like I just threw an enormous weight off my shoulders. It feels good. Thanks to you.” I admit to the man I have been crushing on for so long as I let a small smile appear on my face. He smiles back while weakly nodding.

- “What are you going to do now?” He asks me with curiosity.

- “Look for another job.” I simply answer.

- “My offer is still on, you know?” He tells me with a reminding tone. Oh… I looked up in his eyes for the first time since I’ve been holding the cloth with the ice on his wound. His offer… Working here... “If you want to work here while you look somewhere else, I'll be glad to have you here. I know you still need to pay for your college so…” He says with his calm and deep voice. How can he be so calm so easily, especially after what just happened outside his bar? My smile grows before I actually softly laugh.

- “Your job sucks so much that you're desperate for a constant distraction?” I ask sarcastically, joking around. Phil smiles and softly laughs back to my comment.

- “What can I say, I'd like to have a beautiful woman working with me. Especially you.” he answers, which makes my cheeks burn instantly. You player… I bite my lower lip without controlling myself and look up in his eyes. They are burning with flames of… Of… Such a strong emotion… Feeling. God, I love him… And those eyes that he is giving me aren’t helping at all…

- “When can I start then?” I demand him, not really knowing how I managed to ask him this without mumbling or stuttering.

- “Monday?” he proposes to me. Huh?

- “Monday... In four days?” I ask him, frowning confused after thinking for a second.

- “You deserve a little break, Gorgeous, don't you think?” He tells me seriously and so gently. He’s just so sweet and caring… I mean, he clearly wants to show who the boss is here because it is his bar, but… His calm personality and the way he behaves most of the time just seem to hide his true self. I mean, Phil is Phil and his words are sometimes raw, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t think otherwise. I nod to the boy before looking down. I feel so nervous suddenly. My heart is racing like never before and I can’t take this idiotic smile off my face. What has he done to me, seriously? Suddenly, Phil gently pushes my hand and the ice from his chest and starts to get up. What…? Where is he going? What is he going to do?

- “Wait, I…” I suddenly say, grabbing his wrist. What just took me? Why did I…? I’m such a fool. And such a nervous wreck right now. I avoid his look, staring at the floor. “There's... Hum…” I have to tell him. I can’t back down anymore. I can’t flee my own feelings either anymore.

- “Are you nervous?” He asks me with a smirk while sitting back down on the chair across from me. Oh...

- “No, I... Yeah. I'm... I'm a nervous wreck right now actually. It's just... I…” I confessed to him, sounding as if I even struggle to breath now. God, I’m such an idiot, why am I stuttering like this in front of him?

- “Am I making you this nervous, Gorgeous?” He asks me in a whisper with his deep voice while slowly getting closer to my face. Oh… I don’t move as my eyes just fall on his lips. They look so soft. My breathing gets heavier instantly. I can’t look at him… I close my eyes as I breath heavily.

- “Actually... Yes…” I admit. After a few seconds, I opened my eyes again as Phil didn’t say a word. The boy has his eyes devouring my lips as the fire in them seems to have grown. “Phil, I…” I begin to whisper, trying to find the courage to say the words.

- “Phil, what? What do you want, Gorgeous?” He asks me with the same deep and calm whisper which makes me even more nervous.

- “Phil…” I whisper his name as I lock my eyes with his. They’re just so beautiful and he is just so close to me... Phil hums with his deep voice as he lightly wets his lips. Oh my… The man gets closer and closer so slowly until his forehead connects with mine. I close my eyes, enjoying how close we are right now. I can’t explain what I feel inside right now, but it’s a total mess. There are butterflies, fireworks… It’s a crazy feeling. Phil brings his hand to my cheek which feels so soft and so right. None of us move. None of us say a word. Nothing breaks this moment. I bring my hand over his, wanting him to hold me. Then, as the two of us are plunged in a deep silence, Phil suddenly pecks my lips. He… Kissed me. His lips are just so warm and soft and the kiss is so delicate. Simple but delicate. Phil pulls away from my lips and disconnects our foreheads. Though, he keeps a really, really small distance. Our eyes connect once more but none of us say a word. There’s no need. His eyes are talking for himself. He just wants to make sure I’m okay with this… I smile with happiness as I bring my hand to his neck and pull him back in for a kiss. What’s happening to me? I don’t know. I would have never done this before. I’m too shy for that. But it just feels so right, right now. Phil answers to my kiss instantly, giving the same softness and warmth than before. It’s more passionate though… The boy grabs my hands and pulls me closer to him as he rests completely on his chair. I let him guide me and sit on his lap, never breaking the kiss. Phil holds me, one hand in my back, the other on my thigh as the kiss becomes quickly heated. Suddenly, he pulls away from the kiss but only to go down my jaw and then my neck. I close my eyes and let my head lean to the side to give him more room. This feeling is just amazing! However, Phil suddenly stops kissing me, sounding just as breathless as I am.

- “Sorry, sorry... I just... We should stop before it's too... Heated. I told you, I don't want to make you do something you don't want to do now and…” He tells me out of breath and with seriousness. I look at him, noticing that he's really not playing. Especially because he stopped before going too far. This proves one more time that he really wants to try this relationship. I smile, feeling just so lucky at this moment.

- “I love you, too.” I whisper to the boy which made him look at me with surprise. He said it so many times to me but I’ve never said it back before. I never dare. I was so scared and so shy. I lean in and give him a new soft and warm kiss before taking him into my arms and letting my head in the crook of his neck. His scent is lovely. I can tell that Phil was surprised at first, but he didn’t put long to hug me back. Jessy’s brother holds me tightly, hiding his head in my neck as well, smelling my perfume. “I love you, Phil.” I whisper one more time.

- “If I knew I needed to fight with your crappy boss to hear you say it…” He says playfully which makes me softly laugh.

- “Well, actually, I was going to tell it to you tonight, anyway. I figured... I can't deny or lie about it anymore so... And I need to live my life as well, take it in my own hands... And you did prove that you want something serious with me so…” I respond to the man sincerely. I can feel my nervousness slowly fading away as I feel more and more comfortable with him. I mean, how could you not? I was starting to pull away from the hug when Phil stopped me. Oh… The man kisses my cheek delicately before kissing my lips one more time. I smile and look at him in the eyes. “Just don't break me, Phil…” I demand him, softly whispering.

- “Oh, I won't. Trust me, Gorgeous. I've been wanting you for a while now. I did lots of things to prove to you that I love you. Things I’ve never done before. The idea of me hurting you is painful. And I think that if I ever hurt you, I'll probably have all Duskwood after me.” He replies seriously to me before chuckling playfully. I chuckle back, amused.

- “Oh, I'm not sure I know that many people but... Yeah, most likely.” I answer jokingly, entering his game. The two of us laugh one more time. His smile is just so contagious. I give him one last kiss before standing up from his lap.

- “Where are you going?” He asks me, sounding disappointed that I got up from his lap.

- “The others are going to arrive soon. I don't really want them to see me taking you for a chair.” I respond with sarcasm to the man as I walk over to the bar to sit on a stool.

- “Well, I don't mind, Gorgeous. Having you sitting on my lap is kind of... Sexy.” he says with his deep voice, looking at me up and down with a smirk. I hum as I notice how hungry he actually looks. Oh boy, he’s been waiting, hasn’t he?

- “You're a naughty little devil, you know that?” I tell him while giggling.

- “Yep, but only for you, Gorgeous.” He replies with a charming tone. I place my hand over my heart before laughing.

- “Phil!” I call him through my laugh.

- “Yes, Gorgeous?” he calls me, using the same charming tone mixed with the deepness of his voice. I laugh again as my cheeks are burning. “So, are we together, MC?” He asks me more seriously.

- “Well, no.” I answer to the boy which makes him frown, confused and disappointed. “What? Don't look at me like that. Technically, we just had a... A... Very unexpected heated moment. But you never asked me out, did you?” I remind him playfully, winking at the boy. Phil laughs to my answer, understanding where I'm getting at.

- “MC, would you like to be my girlfriend?” He asks me with seriousness, yet, having the most beautiful and charming smile over his face.

- “I don't know. Give me a good reason to say “yes”.” I answer playfully. Without waiting, Phil stands up from the chair and lifts his shirt, showing me his abs. I laugh and blush while bitting my lower lip. "Definitely getting there", I tell him as I’m actually devouring his body with my eyes. Seriously, what has he done to me? Phil chuckles as he approaches me. One of his hands goes in my back while the other one passes softly in my hair, pushing it back before placing it on my cheek.

- “You're definitely going to make me a fool for you, Gorgeous.” he whispers softly and lovingly.

- “Not my plan.” I answer playfully while smiling happily. Phil smiles back to me before he slides his hand in my back, holding me against him tightly. I feel him kissing my neck again while he runs his hand in my back. I just feel so comfortable in his arms, so protected.

- “I love you.” He tells me sincerely and with love in his voice.

- “I love you.” I repeat his words with the same tone he used while literally melting in his embrace.

I was a fool for him. He was a fool for me. I was just too shy and he was another man. A lot has changed lately in my life, but this is the best thing I could dream of.

[labarboteuse]

Sonate au Clair de Lune (Richard “Dick” Winters x OC) - Chap. 2

Drumrolls ... I’m finally back after a while of absence. I’m taking back things where I left them, sorry for the wait! Hope you’ll enjoy it !

Taglist: @supervalcsi  @ourmiraclealigner @iilovemusic12us @50svibes  |  Let me know if you want to be added. 😊

Leaving the room, Jeanne rushed down the stairs to the ground floor as if to escape her own ridicule. Once in the linen room she sat down on the wooden bench along the wall, the pile of towels she had kept against her resting on her lap, and put her hands on her burning cheeks. Her heart was pounding and she felt like an idiot. She was trying to regain her composure when the hotel manager entered and was surprised to see Jeanne there rather than on duty.

Mrs Evelyne was a woman in her fifties, of medium height and heavy build, with short, curly brown hair that reached up to her cheeks. Very friendly but also sometimes very authoritarian, she had inherited the management of the hotel after the death of her husband during the Battle of France in 1940.

"But finally, Miss Lemoine, shouldn't you be somewhere else now? " Implicitly, in a room doing housework.

Jeanne got up confused and passed in front of her, apologizing "Yes, Madame Evelyne, forgive me, I wasn't feeling very well."

"Indeed, my dear, you are all red."  She passed her hand over the young woman's forehead and nodded her head in silent affirmation. "You have a hot forehead. This is no time to get sick! I'm already down one person today, how am I going to run the place if I lose my employees one after another! "

"Everything is fine, I assure you. I'm going to continue to prepare the rooms." She quickly excused herself once more and left the room to take back the stairs she had been rushing down a few minutes before. Sick? If only Mrs. Evelyn knew, if only she knew that the warmth radiating from her face was only due to her interview with this complete stranger.

 She had not had the opportunity to see her colleagues and really talk to them and tell them about her encounter the day before and the embarrassing situation she had caused that day. It had to wait until the end of the day when they met up for a drink.

"Wait, didn't you realise the door wasn't locked when you opened it?" Solange teased gently as Jeanne buried her face in her hands in a fit of embarrassment. A muffled "No." was heard from between her hands which made her two friends laugh.

A cigarette in one hand, her glass in the other, Gisèle, sunken in her chair, laughed out loud, which did not fail to attract the looks of those around her.

"Stop it!" Jeanne waved her hand in her friend's direction, beckoning her to lower her voice, while Solange gave an apologetic look to the people around them. Despite her modest condition, Gisele looked very well-to-do when you saw her, always with her hair done as if she had just come from the hairdresser's, her lipstick perfectly applied, her appearance neat. Jeanne envied her friend and was amazed that she managed to look so chic, when their condition did not really allow it. She perfectly embodied the image of the chic Parisian woman of the 1940s, the perfect brunette with her intense red lipstick. Solange, on the other hand, was a blonde with brown eyes, and wore more provincial clothes, which suited her perfectly, she constantly wore flowery dresses that would have made anyone but her look old-fashioned.

"And what was this handsome stranger like?"

"Quite tall, very elegant in his uniform. Red hair, pale skin and eyes halfway between blue and grey, hard to tell. And an awkward air that made him charming. "

"Are we allowed to know his name?" Gisele asked with a snide look on her face, throwing a knowing glance at Solange who did the same.

"Dick. It's probably a nickname." Jeanne shrugged slightly and rolled her eyes as her two friends exchanged knowing looks.

"Very American.” commented Solange before raising her glass to her lips.

Jeanne glanced around and her mind wandered elsewhere, disconnecting from the conversation her two friends were having next to her. Her gaze swept over the crowd around them and as she saw all the American soldiers on leave in town, she thought back to her encounter the day before. She blushed once more and shook her head gently as if to push those thoughts out of her mind. She thought it was ridiculous to dwell on it when he probably didn't and had, for all intents and purposes, forgotten what had happened, to whom she must have seemed a fool. She had no idea that she was not the only one to think about it.

 ~

After Jeanne had left the room, Dick had packed his things in preparation for his departure from Paris and his return to Mourmelon where the company was stationed.  He had hoped to see her again when he left the hotel, but it was not to be, and a slight hint of disappointment was felt as he left. Even on the way by metro to the station where the train was to take him back to Mourmelon, he had hoped to see her again, since she had obviously fallen, literally, on him when he was not expecting it.

He had been intrigued by this young woman whom he had not stopped thinking about since he had resumed his duties. This mysterious young woman whose clumsiness made her charming and who had been put in his path, twice in a row.

He was still lost in thought when a hand snapped its fingers in front of his eyes to bring him back to the present. He looked up and saw Harry in front of him, who must have been talking to him for a few minutes already without him noticing. Dick lifted his chin, his eyes widening as he silently urged his friend to repeat.

"Are these reports that make you sleepy?" The redhead joked.

Dick looked down at the documents scattered on the desk, a pencil in one hand, his steaming cup of coffee in the other. He shook his head gently and turned his attention back to Harry.

"What were you saying?"

"Sink asks after you."

Richard put down his pencil and sighed before standing up and putting on his jacket. Since he'd been promoted Sink hadn't let go of his boots, surely that came with his new job. He walked down the steps of the small house where his room and office were located and headed for the command post to join Robert Sink who was waiting for him.

"Dick, old boy, there you are." Sink quickly raised his head to address him and turned his attention back to the documents on the table. Nixon, who was also there, came and stood next to Winters, bringing his coffee to his lips and addressing his friend.

"How was Paris?"

At this question the only interesting thing he remembered from his short stay, the young linen maid, crossed his mind and he held back a smile that would have caused Nix to ask him far too many awkward questions. He merely nodded and shrugged.

"That was good."

Nixon looked surprised and made a face of incomprehension.

"Just fine? You've got to be kidding me, Paris, man, Parisians women can't just be 'fine'."

Dick rolled his eyes and turned his attention to the maps spread out on the large wooden table.

"I'd forgotten who I was talking to. I should be asking you which museum you liked best." Nix continued, laughing at his friend before turning his head in the direction of Strayer, who had just called out to him and whom he joined.

During the time at Mourmelon, other officers had been able to go on leave to Paris after him. He had once wondered if these officers had stayed at the same hotel as him and if they had seen the young woman. 

One lunchtime while sitting in the mess with Nixon he heard one of the officers of the 3rd Battalion at the table behind them talking about his leave in Paris.

"One thing is certain, and you can believe me, the French women are very different from the English women we have seen." He laughed and his comrades joined in, which encouraged him to continue.

"You can't imagine the happiness of being able to enjoy the comfort of the hotel, to sleep in a real bed with clean sheets, and to enjoy a hot bath. And all the better in charming company!"

The men who were sitting at his table and listening to him tapped on it to encourage him to continue and get more details. Dick, with his back to them, was staring at his plate, unconsciously playing his fork with the contents of the plate, listening to what was being said behind him.

"It's a real joy to be surrounded only by women! The hotel employees, each one as delicious as the next, but then again, it's their job to take care of that sort of thing!" His fat laughter echoed through the room, always accompanied by the other men, his words making Dick roll his eyes.

"Lovely young women. You can say what you like about French women, they're very welcoming!"

Dick's jaw clenched, not really sure if it was because there was a tiny part of him that feared that the sweet person Jeanne appeared to be dealing with a jerk like him or just his image of women, or both.

"Where the hell are you?"

He lifted his head and looked at Nix in front of him who had been talking into the wind for several minutes.

"Excuse me?"

"You're not with us, what was keeping you so busy?"

He looked at his friend blankly and blinked before returning his gaze to his plate.

"I was thinking about the information Sink gave us this morning." He lied, which was enough of an explanation for Lewis to pick up where he had left off a few seconds earlier. Dick felt a stir at his back and the men who had been seated at the table behind him walked past to get rid of their trays and leave the canteen. Dick followed them with his eyes and then turned his attention back to his friend, not knowing what he was talking about.

As they left, Nix was still talking, either too engrossed in his speech to pay any attention to his friend's reaction, or accommodated it. Dick, on the other hand, had only one thing on his mind, and it had been the same ever since he had returned from the capital. He considered it stupid to keep going over what had happened, she was a complete stranger he would never see again, and she had probably even forgotten him the second she left the room. On the other hand he had much more important and topical things to think about, the company was being sent to the Ardennes where the German army was striking hard.

[goksiiiiii]

Fake Blondie changed my life - Zabdiel De Jesús

Note: This is my first imagine ever, and first time I am actually trying to write something like this. I hope it is not too bad. I am sorry for all my mistakes but I hope you understand because ENGLISH IS NOT MY FIRST LANGUAGE.

The life has never been easy. I mean, how can it been easy for a girl who doubts her worth and hates herself every day more and more? It hasn't always been like that, you were a happy child, full of energy and love for life. Unfortunately, you just didn't have luck, you bumped into wrong people, the ones that broke you. "You are actually so ugly, I mean look at your body, not only that you don't have boobs but neither do you have ass, you are so fucking flat, nobody would even fuck you and let's not talk about possibilty that someone would fall in love with you." were the words you would often hear, just in different ways. Sometimes you would hear it from your "friends", family and exes who left you after they didn't get what they wanted. It is not that you haven't been a strong girl, it has just become too much to handle. You would always wonder how they couldn't understand that you didn't have an opportunity to choose the way you would look like. It doesn't even matter because we all can be loved the way God made us.

You have moved to Miami, you were hoping for a better life. When you thought about better life you didn't mean having hookups and fucking every night different boy, no, the better life for you meant FREEDOM. You were hoping that you will be FREE, that you will be YOURSELF, you were hoping that nobody would judge you and make you feel even more shitty, if that was possible.

You got a job to work as a fashion designer for a latin boy band CNCO. It was your dream to work as a fashion designer because you have been so creative since you were very little. You were from Europe so you didn't have an opportunity to hear about them earlier. You started exploring things about them, not because you were interested in them, but because you wanted to see how they like to dress so that you can do your job well and make everyone happy. Sometimes, it seems like all you ever cared for was to make people around you happy. You have always put yourself last. It never crossed your mind that handsome boys like them would even notice you. Everyone wanted them and nobody ever wanted you, because at the end of the day you were just a flat girl. At least that's what you thought.

"I heard we will have new fashion designer" Zabdiel stated. "Oh dios mio, really?" Erick asked curiously "I really hope that we will finally be dressed up like our bodies deserve." "Carla said she will be here soon, so I will go outside to wait for her so she doesn't get lost" Richard tells the boys while heading towards exit. "It is a girl?" Christopher immediately stops playing Fortnite. "I guess, but you know, you don't need to flirt with every girl in the wolrd" Joel rolls his eyes at Chris. "Ay papa, you need to wake up man, la vida es solo una" Chris tells Joel while having a big smile on his face.

You enter the building but you don't see anyone. You try to stay as calm as you can, not allowing your anxiety to come in and ruin your dreams. As you start walking up the stairs, you bump into someone and fall down. "Oh my God are you okay?" Richard asks you worriedly "I- I- am so sorry, I was looking for our new dresser and I was in a hurry, I didn't want her to get lost." he says while helping you to get up. "In that case, I won't give you the worst clothes, I will save them for other memebers who misbehave" you tell him smiling a little. "Oh- are you-" you cut him saying "Yes. That's me" "God, I am such an idiot nena, sorry." Richard says facepalming "I almost made you break your leg on your first day." You both laugh "No need to worry, I know to be clumsy." "I am Richard and thank you for taking it easy on me and not ruining my fashion model career because of this." "I am Y/N, and don't worry, you still need to earn my trust." you said jokingly while Richard shakes head "Trust me other boys are more problematic than me, let me introduce you to them."

Richard was really nice and kind to you and you were yourself joking a bit with him, but then you remembered that you don't want to get attached to anyone. Who the hell knows what's behind that charimng smile Richard has. You don't want new friends who will hurt you at the end or even worse you don't want a boyfriend. You don't trust anyone anymore so you decided to stay as distant as you could with all the memebers from CNCO. But then you slightly shook your head and thought to yourself "Like anyone would want you anyways." A really loud and excited voice stopped you from overthinking "Oh, mamita welcome, soy Christopher, ma mas sexy of them all" he smiles at you and at that moment you wish you had his confidence.

"I am Y/N, nice to meet you." you simply say with a small smile on your face. Erick and his ugly shirt caught your attention next. "Okay you seriously need help with that." you say looking at Erick from top to the bottom. "Omg that hurts." Erick tells you while pretending to wipe a tear. He had extremly beautiful eyes and you knew it will be hard to stop staring at them. "It will be alright, no llores." you say patting Erick's back. "What's up with others? You ain't going to introduce yourselfs?" a beautiful blondie spoke up while walking towards you. "She knows me already because I almost killed her." Richard defends himself. Zabdiel gives him a confused look but decides to focus on you "Okay so, the boy who tried to kill you is Richard, the least sexy guy in here is Christopher-" "Ay papa, why so mean to me?" Chris squeals while pretending to be crying with Erick. "Oh God with who I am working." you chuckle and shake your head. Zabdiel smiles so softly at you which almost causes you to blush but you don't because you know the smile isn't for you, he is just being kind and polite, your mind tells you. "The boy who needs your help with style is Erick, the quiet one eating french fries is Joel and I am Zabdiel." he finishes introducing. "I am not quiet, I just thought she knew us." this time Joel defends himself. "I am from Europe and unfortunately Latin music is not on the big level there" you state. "Anyways I am really glad I have an opportunity to work with you guys, I know you have a concert in 3 days so we can start looking for stuff that you will wear." "Ay nena, relajate, you have time." Chris says while putting his arm around your shoulder. "You didn't tell us anything about yourself." You try your best to be kind to the boys but you were scared you will end up being hurt again. "Look, I am here to work, not to hang out with you, so please just call me when you are ready to work with me and to make an idiot of me." You exclaimed while walking out of the room. The boys look at each other in shock. "What's up with her?" Christopher asks. "No clue, but that was weird." Erick adds. "Don't be rude. We don't know her story." Zabdiel tells them. It seems like Zabdiel was the only one to notice, you are still healing your wounds.

You came to your apartment and just locked the door and threw yourself on the bed overthinking how you reacted to the boys. You knew you were so rude and that they didn't deserve it at all but you couldn't help it. You wanted to protect yourself and you thought it was a good way. But was it really? Even thought it was pretty early to sleep, it was 8pm, you just wanted to fall asleep and forget about everything. Suddenly, as your eyes start to close, you hear a bell ringing. You aren't getting up, hoping that whoever the hell it is will be gone. "Come on Y/N, we know you are in." you hear Chris' voice. "Open up please" Joel begs. You get up to open the door surprised with the fact that they found out where you live. "What the hell are you guys doing? I am trying to sleep." you say. "Sleep? At 8pm on Saturday night? Erick asks seriously. "Yea?" you state simply. "Can we come in and talk? Please." Zabdiel looks into your eyes. You quickly look away and walk away leaving the door open. The boys take that as a yes and slowly walk in.

"I have brought lots of snacks and drinks!" Richard says pointing at paper bags "We are going to make you a welcome party." You just got back into your bed and covered yourself with a blanket. "Yea, you guys have fun, just please don't break anything I literally moved in this morning." you tell them closing your eyes. "I knew that this was bad idea, we should give her time." Joel whispers to Zabdiel. "Yes, we shouldn't force her to open up, if she is not comfortable with us Zab." Erick agrees with Joel. "What, is it blame Zabdiel day or what? We haven't even tried to make her feel comfortable with us! How can she feel comfortable when there is Christopher who just comes in front of her and says "Yo I am the sexiest." I mean stop complaining and try your best to help her feel okay. She is going to be with us now every day." Zabdiel exclaimed. "Did you fall for her in like 2 hours or what?" Chris asks him with a smirk on his face. "Can you be serious at least for 1 minute? It is not always about flirting and fucking. You sometimes need to help people." Zabdiel tells him while shaking his head. "She was really happy when I bumped into her, she was so chill and I loved her humor, idk what happened later." Rich says while taking a sip of his favourite drink. Chris comes closer to you grabbing whipped cream while whispering to you slowly. "If you don't want to come to our party.... party will come to you." Chris says while spraying whipped cream all over your face and running away from you. "Christopher Damn Velez!" you shouted at him while jumping out of the bed to get your revenge but then Erick grabs you by your waist and stops you. "Run bro, run bro! I got you" Erick yells. "Erick, let me go rn or you will have an ugly style forever!" you tell him. "Y/N don't do that to me..." Erick says making a puppy face. "I am warning you!!!" you say acting seriously. Erick looks carefully at Zab coming slowly behind him and let you in his arms. "You have nothing to blackmail me with." Zab wishpers in your ear while wrapping his arms around your waist. Your body shivers at his touch and you get gooseboomps from his breath on your neck. You don't know why, but it just happens. Seems like your body was giving you signs and trying to tell you "He is the one." "Zabdiel..." you managed to say something. "You either let us introduce ourselves in real light and have good time with us or..." "Or what?" you ask "This." not even finishing the sentence he started tickling you. "N-no, n-no Zabdiel!" you exclaimed while laughing. "Stop, stop please!" you begged while tears were rolling down your face from laughing. But he didn't plan to stop, he was just tickling you even more intensively. "Then promise..." Zabdiel orders. "O-okay, te lo prometo!" you say breathing heavily. "Omg, you are such an idiot!" you tell him while throwing a pillow at him. Zabdiel didn't care about you wanting to kill him at the moment, he just knew his heart was happy because he made you smile. And if his heart and emotions could talk at that moment. They would say it was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen in his life.

"So it is sleepover then?" Joel asks. "It is." you roll your eyes playfully. "I even got stuffed animals!" Richard tells you and burst into laughter. "Omg you guys are so sweet." "OH DIOS, chicos this is our first compliment!" Chris claps his hands in excitement and everyone else make sarcastic shocked faces which causes you to laugh even more. They all light up candles and ties up balloons trying to make this interesting as much as they could. But also, they were making sure that you are comfortable and fine with everything they were doing. Zabdiel makes comfy place for you to sit next to him. "Come here." he tells you while patting the seat next to him. "No, I am still mad at you." you say trying not to laugh. "Ik how to make this even." Erick says while spraying whipped cream all ove Zabdiel's hair. "NOT THE HAIR!" Zabdiel screams. Christopher started laughing so much which made you burst into tears of laughter because his laugh was the most contagious laugh in the world. They all kept making mess throwing food at each other. "You all are going to clean this I swear." you say looking at the mess they made. "We are going to sing to you now. We will make you forget about all bad things we have done!" Joel says while smiling softly. "Oh hell no, I bet you all suck..." you say teasing them. Zabdiel raises his eyebrows at you, and you felt like your heart was just going to melt. And you were right. Erick starts slowly playing "Tu Luz" on guitar he brought here.

"Dime tú, cómo hago para captar tu atención

Sé muy bien, que en el pasado

Te han roto el corazón"

Zabdiel sings to you while tucking a piece of your hair behind your ear. He sang with so much passion, and that, together with the meaning of the lyrcis, made you get so emotional.

"Abrázame fuerte y no tengas miedo amor

Déjame explicarte..." Chris starts singing to you and his harmonies were already bringing the death to you.

"Quiero ser el que llena de felicidad

Cada espacio de soledad

Déjame ser tu luz"

they all sing together and you couldn't help it with all the emotions and their beautiful voices. "I- I- am sorry, I will be right back." you say with a low voice while crying your eyes out you run to the bathroom.

Everyone look at each other worriedly. "Zab go with her." Joel tells him. "Go see if she is okay." Richard adds. You sit down on the cold bathroom tiles leaning in the wall. You remember all the things people did to hurt you and the way Zabdiel sang to you "I know very well that in the past they have broken your heart." made you think avout all the times people came into your life to waste a couple of months and then leave you when they didn't get what they wanted. "Y/N.. please open the door." Zabdiel says while knocking on your bathroom door. You couldn't even hear him because you were overwhelmed with so many emotions at that moment and you felt like panick attack would get you soon. You try to calm down yourself but you just keep shaking and sobbing even more not realizing how loud you were getting. Once Zabdiel hears you his heart starts beating so fast "Y/N I don't care I am coming in." he tells you while opening the door. He sees you sitting down trying to calm your breathing down. Zabdiel doesn't say anything he just knees down to you and pulls you into his chest hugging you tightly. "Y/N, I am here, you are okay." Once he wrapps his arms around you body your heart starts slowly to get back in normal rhythm. He genlty grabs your face in his hand making you look at him. "Nena, it is okay, I am here, you are safe, no one is going to hurt you." he tells you looking deep into your eyes. You just nod slowly at him and hugs him tightly. You didn't know why you did that, but the only thing you knew at that moment was that you felt so safe in his arms.

After a few minutes of silence but comfortable one, you spoke up. "I am so sorry for causing such a scene in front of you and the boys." you say playing with your fingers. "I have never wanted to be rude just-" "Just you are scared to let us in your life for some reason?" Zabdiel cuts you off "You don't have to apologize for anything nena. I know how ew people can be, and how they can turn your mind against you." he tells you. "Just.. you have no idea how much I hate myself and everything about me.. I- I- don't even know why you guys want to hang out with a girl like me." you tell him while wipping your tears away." Zabdiel puts his hand on yours making sure you are okay with it. "There is absoultely nothing in you or on you that you should hate." Zab says simply. "If me and guys hadn't felt and seen that you were such a nice girl and such a great person we wouldn't even bother coming here." "I know you have every right to think I can be just some another lie, but this is me looking you right in the eyes now and promising you that we are here to protect you. I am here for anything you need. If you want to rant, go on I will listen, If you want advice I will try my best to give you great one. I am here for anything you need. Just give us a chance and we will prove to you that you can count on us." Zabdiel tells you not taking his eyes off of you. You smile at him and deep inside your heart feels that he is honest but your mind tells you to be careful. "Muchas gracias Zab, I will try my best but I hope you understand I will need time." you tell him not noticing your thumb was slighty stroking his hand. "Vale niña, we will be waiting for you. You will work with us every day, you need to get close to us sooner or later." he smiles and purposely bumps his shoulder with yours. "Now go shower, relajate and go to sleep. You need rest." You nod at him while he leaves the bathroom. Zabdiel tells his bandmates what happened and they all gave a promise that will do their best to make you feel good with them. "Can't sleep Zab?" Chris slowly whispers. "Nah." Zab replies. "You thinking about Y/N?" Chris asks. "All I know Chris is that I want to make her be able to smile without being afraid to." Zab tells Chris. "And I am sure, you will bro." Chris tells him being so confident about his words. In the morning, boys got up early to clean the mess they had made. You woke up hearing Chris' laughing about God knows what. "Ohhh, buenos dias sleeping beauty." Richard tells you. "What are guys doing?" you ask. "Nada we took a day off to help you clean." Joel answers you. "Omg, why would you that? I could do it, I was just joking last night." you tell them. "Shhh!" Erick tells you "Less talk, more work!" Erick says grabbing a brush and paint in his hands. "Are you guys like going to paint my apartment?" you ask worriedly. "Yup this place is really ugly and you need to start fresh here soo..." Erick tells you while throwing a brush at you. "Vamos a trabajo!" You just look at them in disbelief and shake your head.

"Let's start from the top." Zab says. "You know not everyone has your height." you tell him playfully rolling your eyes. Zab bends down and picks you up so you can sit on your shoulder. "What about now?" he asks. "Omg you are such an idiot." you smile. Zabdiel was happy because he was making you smile. He really liked having you close to him. "Zabdiel, bro, you have been painting the same sport for 2 minutes now, are you okay?" Chris asks while moving hand in front of his eyes. "Um- yea yea, I am fine, I was just thinking about something." Zab defends himself. You decided to distract him from his thoughts so you put a bit of blue paint on his nose. "Ohhh.... my bad, lo siento." you tell Zabdiel. "Excuse me? What was that for?" he asks while having a big smile on his face. "Nothing, it was an accident." you say trying to stop yourself from laughing. "Oh?" Zab says while putting a paint on your thigh. "This was also an accident." he casually tells you. "Zabdiel! Don't do that" you scream at the feeling of cold paint. "Do what?" he acts innocently. You use your brush and this time paint his hair. "Here, it is better, I didn't like blonde anyways." you say. "Oh my God, oh my God, you are so bad." he says while bringing you down and pushing you to the wall. Zabdiel starts moving his hair on your face. "Zabdiel! Detener!" you yell at him while laughing so much. "Oh, I love this new look of you." he says while smirking at you. "I swear you will stay bald." you try to seriously tell him. "Nah, my stylist won't let it happen to me." he says looking deep into your eyes. "Oh really? We will see." you tell him. Zabdiel's heart was beating fast and his breathing was getting heavier. He wished nothing more than to press his lips against your. He was trying to refrain especially because of the deep talk you two had last night. "I swear I dropped my ring in here-" Richard enters the room looking for the ring he lost. Chris notices you two being close to each other pressed against the wall. "We are sorry!" Chris tells you two while grabbing Richard's hand and dragging him out of the room. "Um, let's get cleaned." Zab says trying to ease the tension. "Vale." you tell him kinda thankful for Richard and Chris entering the room because you felt like if Zabdiel wasn't going to kiss you, you would do it instead. After you and boys finished painting they decided to go out with you to show you Miami a bit. "I swear Erick just kept eating the whole day, he hadn't painted anything." Joel complained. "OMG bro stop lying." Erick tells him. "This man is a liaaaar, this man is a liaa a a a r" Richard starts singing. "Madre mia, are you guys this childish every day?" you ask curiously. "What is it supposed to mean?" Chris asks while crossing arms like a kid. "Nada." you say giving up. "Nah, I swear we are normal." Zabdiel says. "Pff, yes especially you." you tell him while looking at the sunset on the beach. Other boys went to grab something to eat while Zabdiel told them he is not hungry and that he will stay with you. As you were enjoying the feeling of walking barefoot on the wet sand you see your ex friend. Well, more like ex friend with benefits. "Y/N?" Marco says. "Is that you?" he says coming close to you. "Um- yeah hi." you tell him smiling awkwardly. Marco was your friend in highschool. You guys would always have such a great time together. He was so sweet to you and whenever someone bothered you he would try to make you forget about it giving you the best pleasure ever. He was simply good in the bed. That lasted until everyone discovered you two were fucking. After they found out, people started teasing him how he couldn't find a better bitch to fuck and then he threw you away like a garbage. "Omg I haven't seen you for ages!" he says. "Who is this?" he asks pointing at Zabdiel. "He is a friend." you tell him. "With benefits? New one? Is he better than me?" Marco kept asking dumb questions which embarassed you so much. You didn't want Zabdiel to think you were just another girl wanting to fuck every second boy.

You were a teenager and at that time, that was the only way for you to escape the reality. "No Marco!" you yell. "That's in the past, I am not a kid anymore and I am not wasting my time on it. I am actually trying to find someone who is worth to love and not just to fuck. I am trying to have a normal life. Maybe you should do it too." you tell him while grabbing Zabdiel's hand and walking away from him. "Yeah good luck with that, hole is hole for every boy no matter how ugly you are." Marco shouts. Zabdiel was going to run after your ex friend but you stopped him. "I am so sorry about that." you tell Zab completely embarassed. "It is fine." he says. "But what's not fine is the way he was talking to you. It is so disgusting. I am literally disgusted with all males." Zabdiel tells you. "Dw about it, I am really used to it." you sigh. "No, damn it, you are the most chill and beautiful girl I have ever seen. And I don't even care what you say but I don't know what is better about you, how hot and beautiful you look or your incredible personality." he tells you speaking so quickly. Zabdiel couldn't handle this all and before you got a chance to answer him he asks "Is he your type?" You look at him confused but answering anyways. "No, honestly I don't know even who is my type. They all end up hurting and breaking me at the end." you say looking at the sea. "I don't want you to think I am girl like that, you know, just looking for someone to have sex with for one night-" "No, Y/N I know you are not." Zabdiel simply says. "I know you are much more than that." "Thank you Zab." you tell him smiling a little. "So let's say, a Puerto rican, 22 years old, fake blondie wanted to be your type, what would you say?" he asks you looking at your hands on your lap. This time, both your mind and heart were telling you that he was the one. The right one. "I love fake blondies." you tell him biting your lip trying not to smile so much. Zabdiel quickly moves his head up to look at you smiling so much. "So this fake blondie wants to ask you if you could give us a try?" he says. You nod at him putting a hand on his cheek slowly stroking it with your thumb. Zabdiel puts his forehead on yours and slowly moves his lips to yours, kissing you softly and passionately. "I will make you happy nena, I promise you." he tells you pulling away and bringing your hand next to his heart. "You have already done it, you have changed my life for such a little time." you tell him smiling for the first time without being afraid that you will end up being hurt. "LENGUA KISS! WE WANT LENGUA KISS!" boys shout while running to hug you both. The moment Zabdiel hears their voices, he knows whats is comping up, so he quickly grabs your hand and make you two run into the water of calm ocean.

He changed your life. He made you feel like a queen. His queen.

Sometimes you need to go through a lot of pain and experience awful things to be happy. "You will be happy" said life "but first I will make you strong."

Thank you for reading!:)

Please message me and tell me what do you think about my first work ever. Ly xx

[punkscowardschampions]

Tommy & Meena

Tommy: [Late enough that the clean up is done and she could've potentially heard about some of the drama but not late enough that if there's a mcwalsh party whereby Ali gets knocked up that he wouldn't already be drunk at that feels like a starting point] Tommy: Cá mbeidh tú ag fliúchadh na seamróige? 🍀🧡💚 Meena: I was about to go down to the restaurant, just hang out there Meena: Caleb and Drew were going to some party but I was not invited so 🤷 Meena: What are you all up to? Tommy: 🍻🥃 Tommy: but the vibe's more drinking ourselves to death, doubt you want an invite either, like Meena: I think that's most people's vibe but they sound happier/more in denial about it...? Tommy: Yeah, it's casually cultural Meena: Yeah? Tommy: You're not feeling patriotic today? Meena: I don't really vibe it any day Meena: but that's not important Tommy: that's a no for the Irish dancing then, alright Meena: We can try Meena: I look even taller when I'm not allowed to move my upper body though Tommy: 😂 Meena: no leprechauns here Tommy: any 🌈💰? Meena: no more than normal 💔 Tommy: I'll be right there then 🌈✨ Meena: That's your superpower Meena: I don't know how 🍀🧡💚 Gus has gone, you'll probably feel more at 🏡 where you are Tommy: It ain't feeling very 🏡 but 💌 received Tommy: I'll stay put, feet & upper body Meena: Why not? Tommy: long story Tommy: you'll hear the short one at 🏫 probably Meena: You don't feel like telling it, understood Meena: is there anything I can do? Tommy: I don't know how to, more like Tommy: you'd redraft it before you were done with the 1st for being too Tommy: unreadable Meena: Nonsense poetry is my specialty Tommy: Yeah? Tommy: maybe you should've been there to roll out the welcome wagon for my new sister Meena: New sister? Meena: Oh, do you mean your mum's baby Meena: not baby now, from before Tommy: she definitely ain't a baby now Meena: So, she came and it went bad Meena: I'm so sorry, Tommy Meena: how bad are we talking? Tommy: bad as it gets Meena: Is your mum alright, I mean Meena: stupid question, but Tommy: It's a fair question & I wish the answer was yeah Tommy: or there was fuck all I could do Meena: That's terrible Tommy: I've gotta go back to school, how can I? Meena: For them Meena: sometimes all you can do is give everyone a small sense of normality Meena: even when you don't want to, or think you can't go on yourself Tommy: Ali can't hold down the fort all on her own, alright, she probably can, but she shouldn't have to Meena: She won't be Meena: she has Carly, and me and Ro and, loads of people, really Meena: I promise we'll all do what we can Tommy: Don't start me on Ro, she wasn't even there Meena: Where was she? Tommy: Fuck knows Tommy: I thought she might be with you Tommy: or your brother Meena: She wasn't with me Meena: maybe Drew but I doubt it, he's been out and about everywhere all day, obviously Tommy: she'll be at home then Meena: Oh, that's a bit Meena: I understand under normal circumstances the pub on St Paddy's is not her ideal place to be but as it was Meena: anyway, that's all to say, you don't need to worry about Ali, she has a good support system to support your parents and take care of Rocky Meena: do you have people YOU can talk to and lean on at school? Tommy: yeah, Carly's ace with him & Ali to have lasted this long, like Tommy: I ain't telling anyone at school about this, loads of 'em already think I'm trash Tommy: or come from it Tommy: they've got a point now Meena: No, they don't Meena: your family are some of the best people I know Meena: you're not anything to be ashamed of Tommy: Everyone around here knows that Joe would be your brother's best customer except he don't carry the right stuff & now loads of 'em also know she's as bad, nah, worse Tommy: & that together they're Tommy: I can't even fucking go there Meena: People shouldn't judge him by that, never mind you as his family Tommy: They do though Tommy: keeping my mouth shut about it at school is my best option Meena: as long as you can express yourself and have an outlet through your work, I can't say I blame you Meena: you don't have to tell everyone everything Tommy: or anything Tommy: 🩰 will do Meena: I shouldn't say anything against words, given who I am and what I want to be but Meena: a comfortable silence can be preferable to words you're unsure of, words that hurt, or that you don't want to speak into existence Tommy: Yeah, I'd take an uncomfortable silence over that too Tommy: everyone's hurting & unsure enough Meena: if it's good enough for Maya Meena: 🤐 Tommy: I didn't mean with you Meena: You can always talk to me Meena: no matter the quality or quantity of your words Meena: you know that Tommy: okay Meena: but no rush on it Meena: obviously Meena: and I won't fill the silence with total nonsense, like Tommy: but those poems are your speciality Tommy: self proclaimed, like, but still Meena: Rude to doubt me Meena: 🥬🐢🐌👑 Tommy: Gimme one then Tommy: best shot Meena Though some at my aversion smile, I cannot love the crocodile. Its conduct does not seem to me Consistent with sincerity. Meena: 🐊💔 Tommy: He is basically a 🐍 with feet Tommy: You 🖋 that? Meena: Sadly not Meena: I'll try to write something as appropriate scathing for your brother Tommy: Or as 💔 for me, yeah? Meena: Of course Meena: what could be better to cheer you up? 😏 Tommy: as a feel good goes it's obviously unrivalled even by 🍻🎵💃🕺 Tommy: that's the level of your talent Meena: You're either that drunk or you wish you were...code red either way Meena: you could come to the restaurant though, if you actually wanted Tommy: Get ahead at waiting tables for when the West End fucks me off & over Tommy: good thinking Meena: Please Meena: your name is already in lights, I can see it Meena: 🤩 Tommy: as you said please, I'll come Meena: manners maketh the man do what you want? Meena: interesting Tommy: works on this one Tommy: how much of a man I am is up for debate, usually Meena: People are idiots Meena: and too invested in stuff that doesn't affect them whatsoever Tommy: like you said, practically a local celeb at this point Meena: still, what's going on in your tights is just not their business Tommy: that's such a you way to put that Meena: I'll choose to take that as a compliment on me having a consistent voice Meena: though the alternatives are 🤔 Tommy: take as I miss you Meena: Are you back for long? Tommy: Nah, they ain't that patriotic either Tommy: I shouldn't even be here, wouldn't have been if she wasn't coming Meena: That's shittier Tommy: maybe JC is trying to keep me humble before I get too 🤩 Meena: It's Patrick that needs to make a second coming to banish your brother 🐍🐍 Tommy: he's already done that himself Meena: Oh, that was the purpose of today then? Meena: I get it Tommy: if he had one Tommy: might have just been out of his 🧠 on whatever 💊💉🥄🚬 Tommy: or worse so 😍 over her that's all that he gives a shit about besides the above Meena: Wait Meena: he's what? Tommy: you'll hear about it soon as you get back to class, they were doing it for everyone to see Tommy: her purpose given what it did to my ma Meena: Jesus Meena: that's Meena: you're right, no words Tommy: at least he one upped Fraze, I guess Meena: does make that situation seem totally run of the mill in comparison Meena: I have heard it happens Meena: when people who are related but estranged meet Meena: it's like a thing™ Meena: not that that helps you personally, obviously Tommy: Really?! Meena: [sends articles like nerd] Tommy: fucking hell Meena: It's crazy Meena: like you know there should be some strong emotional response but you kinda get it fucked up or something Meena: I don't know, science isn't my forte Tommy: nor mine, but if anyone would get those kind of wires crossed, it would have to be him Tommy: Jesus Meena: at least he didn't have a wife and kids to leave or something like some of these people Meena: it's really sad Tommy: you didn't see her though, she's like Tommy: terrifying Meena: I don't think they have to be a hottie but it probably helps in some cases Tommy: 😂 Meena: how so though? like what was she like Tommy: Alright so if they were putting a modern twist on Frankenstein's monster for the stage she could play that, but she'd need serious anger management first Tommy: electroshock wouldn't be far off, funnily enough Meena: Okay, that does sound scary Meena: even if looks can be deceiving, is the moral my own life has hit home hard, sounds like the insides matched so Tommy: It was like if you took every teenage horror story my ma has told us, scraped off the sugarcoating and then mixed that with the worst shit Fraze has ever done when he's on one, you still wouldn't come close to the mark Meena: I know the sort you mean Meena: no matter how well Drew and Caleb think they do with protecting me, I've had plenty of people approach me asking for them, messing with me Tommy: this once I'm gutted you know what I mean then Tommy: 'cause fuck that Meena: mostly it's the former and it's stupid little kids who want some weed or pills, that's just annoying but yeah Tommy: you know boxing's footwork is dead easy, I could teach you what my dad taught me Tommy: any time you want Meena: thanks Meena: at least my height would finally work in my favour, right? Meena: better reach Tommy: bigger 🎯 too remember Tommy: you have to keep your guard up to protect that face Meena: sounds like you're saying I'm 🌚 Tommy: 😮 Tommy: that's awkward Meena: *frantically googles how to shrink head* Tommy: nah, it's awkward 'cause you grew into your head ages ago & I didn't throw you a 🥳 or anything Tommy: must of happened all of a sudden or without me realising Meena: grew into it?! Meena: so I was a bobblehead before, thanks so much 😂 Tommy: only slightly Meena: I'm only slightly 💔 then Tommy: don't be, it was endearing Tommy: you were a cute kid Meena: okay 👵 Meena: no need to patronize me Meena: my head is only literally big, not metaphorically Tommy: come on, a 🍭 is a great look Meena: Better than a pea-head Tommy: or a 🍐 head like I've got Meena: it's distinguished Meena: be gutted you don't want to be a character actor Tommy: nice save, you can teach me ⚽ when we're done with 🥊 Meena: Sounds good to me Tommy: 👍 Tommy: [show up boy cos the restaurant can't be that far from the pub surely] Meena: [have a nerdy but more chill time, Gus loves everyone he's a good egg, I say you should go to this party for the drama of it all sod it] Tommy: [agreed x 2 the restaurant would have such a nice vibe when Drew and Caleb aren't there which they obviously aren't rn and then yeah we can get more messy with it] Meena: [okay so the plan, we having a lovely time (given the circumstances tonight lol) then her boyf shows up] Tommy: [I just picture her bf being so underwhelming like no offense but he'd have to be someone that Tommy didn't clock on socials so when he realises he's like oh and then dials his campness up to 1000000 being that gay BFF stereotype which she would pick up on immediately cos that's not how he is with her except when he's hiding behind it cos things are uncomfortable between them. I just imagine him raiding Ali & Carly's makeup and wardrobe and making the gayest cocktails he can and getting Meena involved and stealing her attention] Meena: [he wouldn't be and he's also lowkey an arsehole as per her type so he wouldn't be all ❤ on her socials anyway, but all this can be a thing 'cos not seeing the gay boy as a threat and probably wants to get drunk so] Tommy: [don't beat him up Tommy you don't want her to think you're doing it for Drew and Caleb like reasons] Meena: [at least we know you two are distracted] Tommy: [thanks for also getting Carly and Ali involved in your gay antics because we all need whatever fun we can get] Meena: [until you gotta go pregnant Ali] Tommy: [lord, I hope Tommy has left by then] Meena: [lordt] Tommy: [casual 3way with your missus and the less attractive drug dealer in town] Meena: [thank god your genetics are solid underneath that mess boy] Tommy: [and we know Rio looks like Ali anyways] Meena: [you do alright out of it kids] Tommy: [it could be so much worse] Meena: [blame your dad for your insecurities grace] Tommy: [and your evil nan] Meena: [junie is just #unique like no one looking like you boy, the closest is fraze as your uncle] Tommy: [unless he looks like Caleb's dad because we don't know him] Meena: [who can say baby] Tommy: [anyway take a moment to appreciate all the Tommy and Meena dancing everyone, giving you that for free] Meena: [love that] Tommy: [soz shit bf he is a threat because their chemistry especially when they are dancing is ridiculous goodbye] Meena: [deffo gonna get mardy at that and go off to have an argument] Tommy: [are you happy now Thomas? Thought not] Meena: [awkwarddd] Tommy: [get drunker boy that'll totally make it better and not worse] Meena: [cry in the bathroom that's a mood] Tommy: [ruin your make up, oh babe] Meena: [everyone else is so wrecked you'll fit in] Tommy: [by not doing drugs you're one of the least messy] Meena: [exactly dr phil] Meena: [the next day] Meena: Have a safe flight back Tommy: Cheers, I'll probably just 💤 Meena: Can't blame you Tommy: did you get any? Meena: Yeah, I'm fine Meena: had to get up early to clean the restaurant though so not as much as I'd ideally want Tommy: had another 🌱🍏🍈🥬🌿🍐🥝🥒🌼 juice, yeah? Tommy: that's pretty patriotic, you know Tommy: better late than never, like Tommy: throw 🍊🍑🥕 in there too & you're sorted Meena: Yeah, I bet EVERYONE in this fair nation is starting a juice cleanse this AM, not having a fry-up, nah Tommy: 😏 Tommy: green eggs & ham would keep you in theme Meena: 🤢 Tommy: fair 🍳🥞🧇🥓🥐🥯🍞 then Tommy: take your pick Meena: are you gonna post it to me? Tommy: be messy if you're having 🍳 or 🥞 but saves me having to use any words Meena: Probably best to stick to non-perishables Meena: best option for us both, like Tommy: Yeah Meena: How was it, this morning Meena: before you left Tommy: how you'd expect Meena: Yeah Tommy: Bea has to leave too so Fraze's dramatics will take centre stage for a sec but Meena: Distraction is probably the best technique for right now Tommy: worked last night Meena: I bet the parties you have in London are even better Tommy: only 'cause we 🩰 ain't supposed to be partying Meena: and what's more fun than prohibition, sure Tommy: forbidden 🍏🍎🍐🍊🍋🍌🍉🍇🍓🍈🍒🍑🥭🍍🥥🥝 juice is my fave, can't lie Meena: 🙄😏 Meena: enjoy Tommy: you're not supposed to give me your blessing, sucks the fun right out Tommy: forbidden, remember Meena: I'm not a teacher Tommy: yeah you are, whenever Anne needs you Meena: Okay, smartypants Meena: there's nothing I could teach YOU Tommy: not with THAT attitude Meena: 🤨 maybe next time Meena: bring your own 🩰 Tommy: & 🥊 Meena: a look Tommy: the 🩳 are too Meena: what do you wear on your top half though Meena: leotard? Tommy: lads don't usually wear anything to show off 💪 Meena: Who are you showing off to? Tommy: The other lad of course, name a sport that ain't homoerotic Meena: not when you come back here Tommy: when I come back here most of all Meena: no boys in my classes Tommy: Anne's been a letdown from the very beginning, what can I say? Tommy: you're on your own, Meeps Meena: I'll survive Tommy: I know

[openly-journaling]

8/3/2022 3am Bobby: god dammit.. I feel so fake but every time I question it I feel like I'm actually me. How can I be a fictive in a system.

How can I be Bob Aken when I've clearly fallen so far from who I was! All I wanted my entire life was to be acknowledged and looked up to. And I couldn't even get that here! Some dreams aren't meant to be.

I'm an ambitious man..And while I may have found new ambitions.. I can't help but think about how I went from this.. cunning genius man to.. to.. I don't even know what I am now?

God I was so toxic when I first got here too. Even going so far as to become demanding to someone and pushy because I wanted something from them they couldn't give.

Now I just feel...

Mistaken. I feel like a fool. An idiot.

I want to atone for my mistakes. Start over.. but I know if I dared try.. I'd never be looked at the same way. And even if I tried.. I probably wouldn't be allowed some things.

I have loyalties now.

I know that person will never see this but.. I can't explain just how sorry I am. I kept overstepping boundaries, I kept getting ahead of myself, I kept ruining things and I'll never stop blaming myself for it. But I can't stop thinking about all the good times either. And what I wouldn't give to have a good friend back. But that's all behind me now and.. I just have to keep trying to be a better man.

It wasn't that I did anything to physically hurt the person. I had no such intentions. But I sometimes wish to hell and back that I.. that the system itself didn't exist. I wish I wasn't who I am. I wish.. I didn't exist anymore. I hate responsibilities based around feelings. I hate.. so many things. I've been wanting to cut again but I shouldn't. Nor do I have the right tools that would allow me to clean the wound properly when finished. And I don't have a clean blade either, just a greasy one.

I hate myself. I hate what I did to them. I hate everything. I hate being here, I feel so fraudulent. I hate it!

I still love and adore those memories, those laughs... Why did I have to go on and ruin it because I thought anything.. I.. I'm sorry I was toxic to you. You have better friends and I had no business intruding where I did. I'm sorry.. I'm so sorry..

How is this real? Any of it? You know my mistake was loving you because of how you acknowledged me. It's all I wanted. You acknowledged me in ways nobody else would. I loved that. But as much as I loved that.. I shouldn't have been so toxic. As indirect as it was.. accidental more like- I was still bad. I hope if you ever see this that maybe.. you'll forgive me. And we can just say Hi again. I'm sorry if I ruined how you view me.

I'm sorry if I hurt you, scared you, cornered you or overwhelmed you. I'm sorry if I made you feel small. I swear I never meant to. I realize my mistakes now.

These last few months jobless have given me more than enough time to figure that out. The lonesome hours I've spent feeling trapped..

I'll be out of it soon, hopefully. Today I take the driving test at 9:30am. Maybe I can finally let you go, too... Maybe I can actually move forward.

[thebrokenmasterpiece]

An Open Letter (About Me) | April 26, 2020 - 4:26 am | C J R

As I start the day and time is similar. April 26, 2020, 4:26am. Wow. I just thought of sharing about myself. (Sorry for my grammar. Please bare with it.) Take note this is just a summary or shorted story of my life (there is more behind these).

My life has a common story like other ordinary people. My story is not so easy has it seems. Bad and hard times, difficulties, sorrow but of course I also felt happiness, loved, care, blessed and peace.

Maybe some of you will say this story is so easy life and lucky one unlike to those who struggle since day one in the earth. For sure many of here will not believe, will judge, critize , curse and nag me because of my oh-so-pathetic-self pity-story-as-they-say, but who cares? It's my story to tell and my post to share. I am ready for your negativity because I'am full of it.

Ops, nah, I've decided that after this I will set aside my negativity and my badvibes in whole life. I will be more gracious thankful and honored to be still alive up, healthy and better until now. Here it goes.

My name is Camille Joy Juson Reyes but I preferred to be called by Cami / Mille but way back in college I used CJ as my nickname but I changed it for a reason and you will gonna know why. I'm 25 years old this year. Living on my own since last year (2019). My Father died when I was 7 years old because of heart disease. My Mother also died because of complications in her kidney and diabetes. I have 9 siblings but 1 of them died because of complication with kidney which the same disease that ends my Mother's life in earth. To top it up I am the youngest, the luckiest one they say.

Before my Father died my life is like a princess story. I have everything I've ever wanted a loving and happy family, decent and safe home, things like toys, bags, clothes, foods and so much to mention. Even though I have all I wanted there is still someone who will disagree to what I want to have and yup that's my Mother. She always nags and curses me everytime I tried to ask my Father to buy me this and those. She used abd always tells me "Tigilan mo kakapabili. Hindi tayo mayaman. Basura lang naman yang pinabibili mo (Stop asking so much, we aren't rich. Those things are trash.) So I stop asking my Father. But whenever he asked me what I want because I behave or got an award I will tell him but I say "Secret Papa" but in the end of the day my Mother will know about it and here and there she will shout how spoiled I am how brat I am. But I am thankful I have a complete and happy family or so I thought.

When my Father died everything changed. From being happy and complete to broken and uneasy life. My Mother became more conscious about money. She always think about what we gonna eat how we finish our study (by the way the time my Father died me and my other 4 siblings are still studying). My Sister (the eldest) helped Mother from bills to school fees and projects. She became our father thst time and until now (not after I left the house and started living on my own).

When our Father died one of my sister got pregant after a year. At first my Mother got angry and devastated because of my sister sudden pregnancy but later on she accepted and thought that baby is a gift from above to ease the pain she felt when her husband died. And that's how I started to change. Her grandchild became her most favorite. She always buy anything and everything and some of my toys and stuffed toy became my niece's property. She even released big amounth of money because of christening and first birthday of her grandchild. She even put her in a private school in kindergarten. How I envied my niece that time. How I wish I also got the chance to feel those special treatments. But it never happened.

When my niece still toddler my Mother bring her somewhere far seldom. So I am the one who always beside her. Going to market, going to bank, going to mall. I am the one who carried everything she bought. I am the one who stand to wait for a long line. And it changes when my niece started to grow up. She became the star and I am still nothing. Until it doesn't care anymore. I don't care if she got to celebrate her birthday with party and I am not. I don't care if she got a new toy and other stuffs and I don't. I don't care if I got scold because of her. I don't care if I got hit because of her. I don't care if she can stay inside my Mother's room and I am not even allowed to go inside without permission. I don't care if my Mother for the first time said that I shouldn't be here that it's better if I die. I don't care anymore.

I got bullied because of being "fat", "weak" and "crybaby". I never complained that to my Mother. I shut my mouth. I keep it in myself. Whenver I got home I will change clothes, eat (if there's a food to eat because sometimes we don't have) and do my assignment, project or so what, do house chores if there's any and repeat. My Mother shouts me I am lazy, worthless, stupid, idiot, dumb, trash and whatever hurtful words you can think whenver she see me doing nothing but watching or texting. She always see me doing nothing but when I do something? She still complains how pathetic and I am. When one of my sister left the house I started to use her room. I locked myself, listen to music and cry on my own. I became numb and torpid because of her. I even asked God "Why you have to get my Father instead of her?", "Why don't you just get me here?" "Are you even real?" kind of questions.

Honestly at the age of 10 I tried to kill myslef by drinking diswashing soap (my family doesn't know that. They don't know everything as always) but it didn't end my life. A pathetic failed suicide. My uncle (my Mother's brother) became so close to me 'coz I see my Father to him or so I thought. The more we got closer the more I became conscious because of how she touched, whispered and looked at me. Like someone will do something bad. And yes I am right. Year passed one afternoon I was sleeping in our living room (I'm alone because my sister got back and so to her room. My brother is also in his room. My Mother is also inside her room playing with her favorite gradchild. And yes I am alone). Our door is always close but not lock so anyone can sneak in and out. As for uncle he always like that come to our house and got in even without permission of course blood related. I felt someone touching and licking me in my private parts at first I thought it was a nightmare but when I slowly open my eyes I saw uncle licking my private part down there I push him away I wanted to scream but there's no voice coming out. I started to cry and hug myself. He sat beside me and ask for my forgiveness and he even offer me a money so I could shut my mouth. I didn't accept the money but he put it beside me and left. I thought that will be the first and last. But it just started there. He did it again. I wanted to ask my Mother's help I wanted her to help me but when I tried to tell her what her brother doing to but she opens up to me about her brother who is having a trouble to his family. She talked to me like I am a person who can help her. I listened I even saw my Mother cried because of sadness and angry because of her brother's family. She told me how good his brother, how generous, how kind, how selfless his brother. So I decided to keep it to myself. I let my uncle to those disgusting and dirty things to me because my Mother told me that uncle is sad and be nice to him. I don't want to see those eyes crying again because of sadness.

Until I got in high school. I thought it's the end. I thought it's new journey and a happy life for me. But no. It was still like hell. Uncle still do those disgusting acts to me. Worst is that he wanted me to touch his private part too but I disagree. Whenver he came to our house I always go to my sister's room or to my brother's room. Whenever he tried to lure me to come to him I will do something to avoid him. But of course it's not always like that. Worst thing he did to me is he fingered me and tried to put his private part to mine. But I told him if he still insist it I will report him to authority (not to my Mother of course) so he didn't forced me. But he asked me not to avoid him in return he will give me money and money and money. Because my Mother always complains to me how much my fees, projects, activities in school I decided to accept the money so I could use that to my study without asking for my Mother and my Sister. Worst thing that happened? My counsin (uncle's son) did the same to me. Damn this life. 4 years in high school is like 4 years playing fire on my hand. Before my high school endz I met my oh so second love (my Father was my first love) via social media. I met him because one of my niece knew him. He is sweet, loving, trustworthy again or so I thought. Day became months until I found out that he is a poser. But because he admitted and ask for my forgiveness I forgave him and continue our relation (without my family's permission). Months became year, again I found out that he is cheating on me. At first he denied it until I caught him with evidence so he admitted. I stop our communication there. But I still forgave him because he said he loved me truly it jist thst we are in a long distance relationship and not to mention thst we never meet. Damn I got hurt again because of my bullshit trust radar. Am I not worth for true? Am I not allowed to be loved? Am I not deserved to be happy?

Fast forward a little, when I got in college I swear to God how thankful I am to be far to uncle, his son and my Mother because my Sister decided that I will study in college in her side (Our eldest sister and 2 other brothers are living together to our grandparents' house (my Mother's parents) . So yippeed finally. I am free or so I thought. At first it was so fun. Living free and safe. I do my things. Help my Sister to her work sometimes or in the house. Until one of my brother (my youngest brother) came to my Sister's house and decided to stay, too. Still the same I do my things. But I noticed that I was the only one who helping our Sister. Like the hell is that? Because I am a girl? Because I should be the only one to do the chores? Damn it. But I push myself. I let it go. Still do the same. A year after one of my brother left the house because he wanted to start a family. My Sister got mad because he just graduated and didn't got a job but my brother decision is final because her girlfriend was pregrent. And ny other brother is giving my Sister a hard time because of his addiction to alcohol. Almost everyday he got drunk. Though he have his own family and living in the same roof. He even borrowed money to my Sister so many times (By the way he was the one I mentiobed above that died because of kidney complication.) but because my Sister is such an angel in disguise she always let it pass lent him money. Still fine until I got 18th. My Sister and her husband set a party for me. I am happy with that. So thankful that I could cele8my birthday on my own party. But after that it started to change.

The long I stayed to that house the bigger I got chance to know my Sister and for my opinion based on my experience she is soooooooooo like my Mother. Still thankful because I got in college and experiencing new stuffs. Back then I want to work and earn money while I am studying my Sister didn't allowed me. She make me chose between working or studying of course I chose to study. So my goal is to graduate have diploma and work. College isn't so easy so do life. When I left my Mother's house I seldom go there. I always excuse my class as a reason of not going back there. But day by day I started to miss her. To miss my old me, to miss my old life. How I wish I could bring my Father's life. So my life my family and me can back again to the old times. My Sister is supportive slash not. She supported me in my study but when it comes to activities in school she always mad and irritated. She and my Mother became paranoid for me being in a relationship because of my two sister who got pregnant and abandoned their child to my Mother. So whenever I go in a relationship it's always a secret (if your gonna ask if my past relationships does know about my past with uncle and cousin. The answer is no.) Lets go to my first one. The poser who cheated on me, we got in communication again after a half year. So we're good as friend. He talks sweet again he gave so much time he opened up about this relationship. We're good but I still have feelings for him but I knee isn't right. So I slowly end our conversation and communication without my knowledge he became close to my friend and ever closer to one of them as in closer where they got call sign or endearment to each other. No comment for that but I messaged him thst never ever flirt or let my girl friend falls to him especially he is damn taken abd I believed in his bullahit promised. Then one fine sunny day one of my friend confessed to me that girl friend of mine became MU of my ex (YUP HE IS TAKEN ALREADY AND MY GIRL FRIEND KNEW ABOUT IT. HOW SLUT RIGHT?) Now I got mad totally mad I even cursed him to go to hell both of them. Not because of jealousy but because of betrayal.

A two years passed by and I am 17th. I changed my course. I got new friends. Same school, same environment. But I became more adventurous, fearless and curious about everything. So before my 18th I decided to lose my virginity though not so clean by the way because of uncle and his son but it was a shock to me and an epic one when we (a guy who I met again on social media but this one I met him) decided to do that in hotel but unexpected visitor came too early than usual. So the blood I thought comes from my visit is a blood from my virginity but my boyfriend that time thought it was just a mensuration and I am not a virgin and accused me of being a liar. After that epic situation he started to be cold and avoid my messages. So I decided to end our relationshit. Shit. I was the devasted and overthinking that no one will accept me. That my Mother and Sister is right I am trash, worthless, stupid, nonsense. That they are right I should have die long ago. So I repeat myself again. Lock myself, isolated myself, be an introvert.

So I became cold. And careful to my actions. I became bitter. I became pistanthrophobia. One of my new sets of friend introduced me to someone she knew. He is kind, sweet and loveable like the other guys. But I gave him a chance I doesn't feel the love I felt before but still it work out for 1 year and 2 months I guess? We just broke up because I got tired of his drama like hello my life is full of sucks of drama though I understand him but he never understand me that's why I got tired of him. He wanted to build his own family but he doesn't even know how his family will survive because of property. I wanted him to dream more. I wanted him to achieve his goal before settling down. And so for me I stop getting in a relationship. So I could focus on my study. But oh I'm such a flirt I met this guy on clash of clans. We got along together. And after a few months we're together. He knew about my past. He accepted me for who I was and I am now. He accepted my family's flaw. Until now we're together. We're living together. But before we ended here we were in a long distance relationship for almost 3 years. Fast forward again, I was already working, back then I was a kitchen helper/staff. I used CJ as my nickname like college because I got a lot of same name in school and im work. But I quit after 6 months because of my Mother. She asked me to quit and find another one which more decent and nice one but here finding a job is like finding true love DAMS SO HARD. LIKE, YOU NEED AN EXPERIENCE TO GET A JOB BUT YOU HAVE TO GET A JOB TO GET EXPERIENCE. DAMN THOSE HRDO'S QUALIFICATION STUPIDITY LEVEL. Well thanks to my Sister who helped me to found another job way, way better than before. I am thankful for that super! Such a big help. Super blessed to have a sister like her (though most of the time I'm unappreciated by her and our Mother.)

Ops! Not yet the ending. I wanted you to know why I left. 2019 my Mother died. I am hurt of course though we don't have those mother moments and bonding I still respect and love her. After she died things changes again. The flaw in the house. The way other people talks. It all changed. My Sister's husband who supposedly one of my admiration because of his patience became most hated one. He spread false accusations to me and other siblings without my Sister's knowing of course. In front of my sister she's a goodman saint but behind her back he is the worst. He stab people behind our back. He makes stories like he is the best writer. After all those years that my Sister and "his" sacrifices to make me finished college and got a fine and decent job (Everything my Sister gave me was his, too.) he said behind my back that I'm ungrateful, worlthless, brainless, trash. How do I know? Of course those people he was talking to was people who's good to me. I got tired of those bullshit again. My sister and I had fought because of she had I idea that because of her husband why I itching to leave that house.

But no one can stop me. I decided to live on my own. So those trashtalks can be true now because that's how it really looks like. My boyfriend worried that I will live on my own so he suggested to live with him so we ended together in one roof. No one calls me trashy words. No one hoping me to die. No one wishing me bad.

But to be honest I am grateful and thankful for all those struggle I've encountered I became who I am. I ask God for his graciously love and forgiveness for getting tired for life he lent to me. I ask my parents, their wisdom and understanding why I ended here. And knowing that my sister isn't good at my decisions I hope one day he'll open her eyes and her mind along with her heart to realized the real reasion why I decided to live on my own (by the way I left on the exact birthday of my Mother. First birthday that she isn't here). I'm blessed those I started in a hard time.

Full of loans before starting. Full of problems to my life. Full of what ifs on my mind. Full of sorrow on my heart. But in thr name of God and Jesus with all the good saints up there I know I can make it. I will make it.

PS. I don't mention anyone's name except me for not involving them so I used pronoun. I don't want to be more complicated. I wanted to share this story. For those who felt unloved, betrayed, worthless. It's okay. You are not the only one. Keep it up and open your heart and mind to appreciate God's love and bless and you will found unconditional loving and support.

The End. | April 26, 2020 - 8:17 am