#And sex too ig but y'know what I mean

[asquinate]

you can't make everyone aro/aspec! It's not realistic! 😖😕🥺

Me: I will do what I want. They're all friends. There's no romance here. None of them. Not a single person in this cast of 100+ characters. None of them. Deal with it.

[therantsofawriterrr]

The Umbrella Academy Final Season: My Version

Part Three: Old Faces With New Personalities

Overview: While Lila and Diego keep hiding secrets from each other, Luther encounters familiar faces, that don't seem familiar in some aspects.

TW: Mature language, implied sex (idk maybe), hurt with comfort, the cafe scene except its different, tell me if i missed anything! Pairings in the chapter: Diego×Lila (Fluff alert hehe) A/N: So, I saw someone say that Five attended the Keeper meetings because he was still looking for a way to get his fam and himself back to their original timeline, which ig, makes sense, but i have established smn so yk im going with that but dw, we'll get to see that. Also, again, the Diego×Lila dynamic that we deserved to see. And a little surprise too (⁠◠⁠‿⁠◕⁠).

Masterlist

After the Keepers meeting ended, Lila and Five sat in a cafe in the next block, discussing the contents that were discussed.

"Look, if these artifacts are from different timelines and now they're showing up-" Lila started saying.

"It's possible the old man's reset didn't take," Five finished.

"What does that even mean?" Lila asked, hoping Five would have an answer.

"I have no idea," Five said in a tired voice. He looked like he hadn't slept in a while, which worried Lila a bit.

Over the last six years, she had grown closer to everyone in the Hargreeves family. She'd grown to be a caring aunt to Grace, a fun-loving sister-in-law to Klaus, a caring, supportive one to Luther, and a snarky, sarcastic one to Five.

"Look, whatever this is, don't say anything to the family just yet," Five requested. "Not even Diego."

"Absolutely not," Lila agreed. "He thinks I'm at book club."

He gave her a dirty look, not at all happy with the sentence.

"It's just easier that way," Lila said, her eyes shining with guilt.

"Easier? It's Diego we're talking about, Lila. You know how he can get."

"Yeah. But... you know how he'll get if he gets in on this. He'll jump to conclusions, and make rash decisions and everything. Don't you remember him during the 60s?"

They both shuddered involuntarily as Five nodded. "Alright. well, it's a good thing I never got married. Too much deception involved."

He took a bite of his scone, which got some cream on his mustache. Lila smiled with a sigh as she took a tissue in her hand and wiped it away. "Didn't dear old Reggie teach any of you Hargreeves men how to eat?"

He scoffed with irritation as he said, "Don't coddle me, I'm not a child."

"Yeah, well you surely eat like one," she retorted, balling up the tissue and leaning back.

Suddenly a woman slammed her hands down on the table, making them both jump as she glared at Five.

"Next time I call," she gritted through her teeth. "I expect you to pick up your phone, accept it and put the damn thing to your ear."

Five's eyebrows furrowed as he stared at her with confusion. "How'd you find out my location?"

The woman just stood up and stared at him, pulling up a chair to sit. Lila noticed she was pretty in an unconventional way, with a sugarplum balayage on her dark brown hair and stony grey eyes. Wearing brown bellbottom trousers with a tucked-in maroon shirt, sleeves reaching till just below her elbows, a beautiful vintage watch on her left wrist, and maroon kitten heels on her feet, she looked like a boss lady.

"Did you put a fucking tracker in my outfit?" Five asked indignantly.

"Do you think I had a choice?" she deadpanned, drumming her fingers on the table. "You don't accept my calls, half the time you don't even wanna talk to me."

"Because you're annoying, Clementine," Five declared heatedly.

She only sighed with a roll of her eyes, ignoring the comment. "Anyway, look, we need to talk."

Five took an angry bite of his scone, prompting Lila to throw a tissue at him with a disgusted look.

"Alone, Five," Clementine asserted.

"If it's about the Keepers, then I could help, y'know," Lila interjected. "I've been investigating them as well."

Clementine's eyes lit up as she turned towards her, crossing her arms on the table. "Really? What have you found out about them yet?"

"Oh, well, that it started in New Mexico and everyone's just flocking towards it like lemmings. Oh, also, the Cleanse," she said, mimicking Jean when she said the last word.

"The Cleanse? What's that?" she asked.

"No idea. But, Gene, one of the leaders, said that it's either the end, or a great restoration."

Clementine whipped out a small notepad, turning to a page and starting to scribble in as Five took in a breath, almost looking scandalized.

"What are you doing?" he asked. "Don't tell me you're going to be reporting that to the deputy director."

"I have to give him something, Five," she said, focused on writing in her notebook before lifting her head to look at him. "Why? Are you ashamed that she, a civilian might know more than you, a goddamn CIA agent?"

"Oh, burn!" Lila exclaimed, laughing loudly. "Oh, I like you so much."

"Thanks! You're fun, too!" She exclaimed with bright cheerful grey eyes.

Lila stared at them with a kind of a knowing smile as they continued bickering. Her phone vibrated in her bag, and she took it out to see a text from Diego.

Hey, did book club end? You need a ride? I miss you🥺

She stared at the text with a tender smile before it faded, her eyes turning thoughtful and guilty. She got up, taking her small handbag with her, slinging it onto her shoulder.

"Well, you kids stay safe now," she said playfully, even though they didn't really hear her during their conversation.

Upon reaching home, she found Diego snoring on the couch in front of the TV, making her smile as she went to push some of his hair away from his forehead. She started going to her room to change when a hand caught onto her wrist, pulling her back.

She fell onto Diego's lap with a surprised gasp, her arm automatically going around his shoulders as her legs dangled off his thighs. He smiled sleepily as he gave her a peck on the nose, making her giggle as she gave him one on his lips.

"You should've gone to bed," she said softly, nuzzling her nose against his.

He hummed, his arms hugging her waist tighter, blinking the sleep away. "I can't sleep without you beside me, Lila. You know that."

She chuckled with a shake of her head, her other arm going to rest on his shoulder. "I'm sorry I kept you waiting."

"It's alright. I know you lose track of time during book club. How was it, by the way?"

She nodded with a shrug and said, "Not very informative. But it was fun."

Diego did feel a sting in his heart at the fact that she still wouldn't come clean to him about what she was doing, but he didn't budge on his trust. She'd earned it and so he was giving her the chance to tell him about her investigation when she wanted to.

He gave out a sudden yawn, making her chuckle again. "You can barely keep your eyes open, love. Go to bed. I'll join you after a shower."

"Hmm, can I join?" he asked with a playful smile, making her slap on his shoulder.

"Yes," she said and sauntered over to their room, making him jump up after her as he took off his shirt excitedly.

Simultaneously, a few blocks away, Luther stood in front of his apartment door with a blank look on his face, wanting to bang his head on it. In the time he knew Sloane, he'd memorized the places she went to. Even if Reginald reset the timeline, that wouldn't change.

He worked part-time in a cafe that Sloane usually visited to note down places that she'd visit if she got a chance to get out. All neat and noted. He still had it and usually carried it around with him.

Every evening after work, he worked in that place. Every fucking evening, he hoped that she'd come in, get in line and ask for a latte. But, it always just ended up killing all the hope inside him.

Suddenly, the door next to his apartment burst open, making him jump with a surprised grunt, as he looked to the side.

A guy exited, immediately looking at him with concern. "Oh, hey, sorry man, are you alright?"

"Yeah," Luther said, batting a dismissive hand. "It's alright, I'm alright."

The guy heaved a relieved sigh before giving him a smile. "I'm Christopher by the way, though, I mostly go by Chris."

Luther's eyebrows furrowed a little bit as the cube from Sparrow Academy, who had the same name, flashed in his mind, but he just ignored it and smiled back, not quite reaching his eyes.

"Who're you yapping with out there?" A very familiar voice said, making Luther perk up a bit.

And out the door, walked none other than Alphonso, Sparrow Number Four. Luther's eyes widened as he gave out a tiny gasp.

"Oh, hey. New neighbour?" Alphonso asked, looking at him.

"I... Uh. No. Not really," he said, composing himself. "I just don't get out much out of work, I guess."

"Well, ya should, man! Tell you what, we're going to a bar this weekend with some friends. Not too crowded either, if you don't like that kinda thing. You wanna come with?"

"Yeah," he said with a bright, hopeful smile. "I'd love to."

"Alright. Lookin' forward to it, man," Alphonso said with a friendly grin, before they both walked away, talking amongst themselves.

When Luther entered his apartment that night, he didn't sink to the floor with a blank despair. He sunk down with hopeful tears, and the sobs that wracked his body were happy ones.

And when he went to sleep that night, he knew it wasn't because he'd see dreams of living in a house with Sloane. He'd see dreams of meeting her in a bar. Of talking to her. Of getting to know what she's like in this timeline.

For the first time in six years, Luther Hargreeves went to bed with joy in his heart.

Another A/N: Ok, ik i'm speedrunning this shit, but I just need to write it all down cause the brellie in me is not letting me write anything else. So, here u go, two parts in one day lol. I'm prolly gonna start writing the next part too, so stay tuned!!

Likes, reblogs and comments are highly appreciated. Tysm for reading!!

[slimbunnx]

Twisted Love by Anna Huang semi review

This book was recommend by an old classmate of mine, i was friends with her so of course I decided to buy and read it. And errrr not my favorite. I'd give it a solid 3/10. Spoilers ahead ig

I like to think my opinion matters... but I'm just a highschooler. My qualification r that I've been through many fandoms, which means I've read many fanfics via Wattpad, AO3, Tumblr, and.... Quotev. And I'm an avid reader since the 4th grade.

To start off, the book felt very... Wattpady, I hated the conflict, how the character act, writing style and uhhh those scenes.

First the conflict, I don't know what to say. The plot twist of it being Micheal was okay I guess. With like better character development, I feel like the plot twist could rlly be a plot twist, but it kinda fell flat. For Alex's uncle. errr ummm I didn't like it. I rlly had to put my book down for a min to think about it. Like I could see the vision.

The character had me twisting and turning. I'm sorry But Alex is so insufferable. Like he's a stalker, which is supposed to seem romantic but it's not. Like the way he kept calling her his, even though they weren't together at the time, and even then WHAT. Also him being so overprotective bordered on toxic. Like sorry for the poor dude who only wanted a photo shoot at the beginning of the book. Alex has issues, and ur significant other cannot help u heal those issues. Which I think is a big problem with his character. He will always be hurt and if anything a weirdo for some how depending on Ava for emotional stability. Like homeboy u r not okay, GO TO THERAPY INSTEAD OF DOING THE TOOGY WOOGY. Also he seems to be the typical "man", like I remember somewhere that to write a good male character, you need to give them a trait that isn't masculine, bc no man is completely masculine. And he reminds me so much of those Wattpad billionaire protagonist, its not even funny. Also THE SINGING.

Ava character was better. She got her shit together by the end of the book. Also the sequence of her trying to get over her fear of water, felt boring but necessary for the story. She's bearable. But like during the conflict part, she is god damn too emotional in my opinion. She was unbearable to read during that saga. In my opinion I think the author glossed over like Micheal, her and Joshes uhhh confrontation thingy. Like we could have good sibling relationship. Honestly I applaud Ava for staying that positive. Also how her relationship with Alex hurting MORE than her "dad" WILD. Like girl u've known this man since ur birth, even though he was distance, he still acted like a father figure. But y'know to each their own. Umm I don't feel like talking about the other characters.

The writing style was meh. But I guess that's too expect when u buy a book from Walmart. It wasn't as smooth nor was it as pleasant to read, at the beginning it was fine then towards the end uhhh not as much.

For those scene... it may just be me reading this like literally at school. But I did not enjoy it. But I guess that might just be me not enjoying sex in my books. But on dirt and in another persons dinning room is a bit too far. Like do you not have shame. Also during the scene where she's wet and trying to get like birthday cake. Alex's uhhh thoughts were def something. This may seem offensive but, it some points it felt like Alex was talking like a male author writing a female character.

Anyways I expect to have a better read with twisted games, since he (Rhys) doesn't seem to be crazy like the other males in this series. And it just occurred to me I might not be the target audience... but I truly do love romance book.

[tiny-pteranodon]

dont have to answer at all lol hhehhe

03: Do you regret anything?

04: Are you insecure?

09: Do you bite your nails?

10: When was your last physical fight?

11: Do you like someone?

12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours?

16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment?

25: Do you miss anyone from your past?

26: What are you craving right now?

30: What’s irritating you right now?

36: Do you give out second chances too easily?

37: Is it easier to forgive or forget?

56: How many people have you fist fought?

57: Do you believe in true love?

58: Favourite weather?

59: Do you like the snow?

60: Do you wanna get married?

61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby?

62: What makes you happy?

63: Would you change your name?

64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed?

65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

69: Do you believe in soulmates?

70: Is there anyone you would die for?

3- again you want the list chronological or alphabetical

4- YAAASSSSSS

9- umm yeah, very much, anxiety is weird man

10- last year

11- in what sense, but yes in all of them

12- noo :( only around 36

16- meh, kinda on the better side

25- yeah, that friend (wo poem wala)

26- touching a good ass...... i mean DONKEY TF

30- nothing, im alone sooooo

36- way too easily lol i should prolly stop

37- cant forget if you hurt, but i do forgive, cuz i try to understand their perspective and do eveything in my power to rationalise their actions

56- 5 or 6 in childhood mostly, not a fighting type,

57- no ig, i kno love like all other sentiments can change, you can almost never find "the one" imo

58- winter mornings,

59- A LOT, I WANNA SEE IT AND PLAY IN IT AND LIVE IN IT AND EAT IT AND FU-

60- yes

61- *swoons* omg yessssssssssssssssssssssssssss

62- many things, most of them small and mediocre, even the slightest achievement send me in a joy induced catatonic state

63- no, until quite recently i hated it and would have it changed

64- very, lets not get into that clusterfuck

65- same bitch, i like me too high five, ig itll be same sex friend for me? in which case.....ummmmm.... no, see i have some friends rn irl, but but we dont get along much, y'know

69 (noice)- no, explained elsewhere

70- yess mummy

[4ng3l-0n-34rth]

Sprite // a Tangerine x reader drabble

i luv me some tangerine��

a/n: your code name is blondie like the band, but if you’re actually blonde then thats even better! but theres no reference to your actual hair color in the story, also this is a fem reader story because i think it works better than ungendered since you’ll be posing as a sex worker for sum rich white guy

summary: you were hired along with the twins by different employers on a mission in assassinating a political figure in the United States (no not a real one) and as the contract killers you are, the three of you accept. although unbeknownst to you, you wouldn’t be working solo like you usually do.

warnings: murder ig but did you really expect anything less? rich people doing rich people drugs n such

JUST A REMINDER MY REQUESTS ARE OPEN! i’ve posted a fandom list and my request rules, but if it doesn’t inspire me dont expect me to write it🤷‍♀️

You only knew Tangerine and Lemon by their work names, and they only knew you by yours. You were the infamous ‘Blondie’ although not because of your hair color, rather the fact you worked best with a pair of headphones in, listening to none other than Blondie.

When you got the call from your handler saying you were wanted to assassinate Derek Brown, a current candidate for the New York Senator, you were weary. That was until they mentioned just how much you would get paid. 1 Million dollars. It seems like a lot for just one person, but for the job it was just enough in your eyes. Who had this much money to hire you? You and your handler were both unsure, but the pay was delivered half before the job and half after, so you were more than satisfied.

The plan was simple. You’d attend a party full of men too rich and fat to face any consequences for their actions in an underground club in New York City, and all you had to do was get him alone, find a way to administer the poison your employer delivered with the first half of your cash, and get the hell out of there. Seemed easy enough.

You dressed in a short cocktail dress, in order to blend in with all the other girls for hire in the club. Paired with some heels and expensive looking jewelry, then you were off to the club, the poison sitting comfortably in your bra for later.

Getting into the club was a lot easier than you thought it would be. The staff entrance was completely unguarded to your surprise, so you just stepped right in.

The music blared loudly as you waltzed through the club. Servers with trays of expensive liquors and lines of cocaine, definitely not somewhere you'd want your future senator. You smiled to all the men you made eye contact with, waving to a few and trying to keep your cool while searching for your target, but before you could find him two familiar faces came into your view. You immediately groaned and walked towards them.

"Well if it isn't the Sprite twins!" They both looked at you, utterly confused. "Y'know.. Lemon and Lime, like Sprite? What? Do you prefer 7Up or something?" One of the men cleared his throat and grumbled, "It's Tangerine." You couldn't help but stifle a laugh. "Oh I'm sorry! Tangerine... That's a bit of a mouthful isn't it? I mean of all the fruits you could've picked you chose Tangerine?" He rolled his eyes, as the one you remembered to be Lemon laughed along with you, nodding in agreement. "Says you Blondie. A little boring innit?" You scoffed and mumbled a whatever. "Anyways, why the hell are you two here?" Lemon spoke up this time. "Senator candidate Brown." He stated simply, and Tangerine elbowed him in the side and furrowed his brows, "Just tell the girl the whole mission why dontcha!"

You found it funny how his mood was so terrible. "Well then i believe we have the same goal, just don't get in my fucking way and we'll be all fine and dandy!" You sent a smile and walked away, hearing Tangerine mumble an 'all fine and dandy yeah right' as you were off.

After making a few rounds through the building, you laid eyes on the target, taking two glasses off the waitstaffs tray and sitting next to him. "I couldn't help but notice you looking at me from across the room..." You grinned through your teeth, handing him one of the glasses you were holding, then using that empty hand to rub his thigh.

After that not much small talk had to follow before he was whisking you away to a private room. "Would you like a drink hun?" You asked as you walked over to a side table in the room with a few glasses and a bottle of whiskey. "That sounds lovely doll," he replied as he started to remove his coat and tie, taking a seat on a couch in the room. You poured a drink and walked over to hand it to him, but pulled it away from his grasp before he could grab it. "Ah, this is your reward dear. You gotta take that shirt off first..." you played with his collar as you spoke, then stepped away so he could unbutton it, and while he was distracted you spiked his drink.

"Good boy.." you leaned forward to kiss his neck and handed him his drink. He drank it all down in one go, and the poison started working immediately, causing him to start choking and gasping for air. "Aww poor thing can't handle his liquor," you faked a pout and laughed. "Sick bastard..." Now for your great escape, you surveyed the room to find some kind of window or door to the outside to leave through so you didn't have to sneak past the two men guarding the door from the outside.

You spotted a window across from you and ran over trying to wiggle it open, but to no avail. The damn thing was sealed shut. Unknown to you, the twins had their own plan to get to him up their sleeve.

The brothers both headed towards the stage where they had a few fog machines, replacing the liquid in them with an anesthetic, then they both threw on a gas mask and turned the machines on. How the two worked was in now way conventional, but it worked for them and that's all they needed. Soon enough the gas reached the men guarding the room you were in, and the sudden thud of them passing out alerted you.

As you looked in that direction you spotted the gas seeping through the cracks in the door. "Fuck, fuck, fuck!" you muttered and grabbed a blanket to cover your nose and mouth to wait out the gas airing out. Soon enough the twins had entered the room, and to their surprise you were sitting calmly in the room with their target unconscious. "Is he uh... dead?" Lemon asked. You just nodded, trying to minimize your breathing to the best of your ability. They both closed the door and draped blankets around the cracks of it to keep the gas out, then removed their masks. "Bloody spectacular!" Tangerine shouted angrily. "We needed the cunt alive Blondie!" he groaned. "Oh... well I didn't, so my job here's done if you'll just excuse me-" you got up to try and leave but Tangerine stopped you. "Ah, if you leave now you'll pass out before you reach the door." You huffed and held a hand out, "Then I'll be taking one of those masks please and thanks."

"No way in hell love, not until I figure out what the fuck we're gonna do about this." You whined at his response. "Oh c'mon I didn't want to fight anyone tonight, especially the both of you, so please just let me walk." The twins shared a look, then Tangerine looked back to you. "Give me your worst doll, you aren't leaving just yet." You sighed and shook your head. You took a couple seconds to think of a plan of action, then suddenly lunged at Tangerine, giving him a good punch to the gut and reaching for his mask, but you were stopped in your tracks when you heard a gun cock from behind you. "Sorry Blondie, but he's right, we can't let you go just yet.

"You can't just keep me here! My handlers going to get nervous if I don't go back to my hotel within the hour. I bet she'll send back up too then your ass is grass." Tangerine snickered at your plea, "Lemon, go handle the bouncers outside, and lock the doors. I'll keep an eye on the lady." And with a quick nod, Lemon put his gas mask back on and stepped outside, then Tangerine readjusted the blankets in the cracks of the door.

"Go sit on the couch." He ordered and you groaned. "Next to the dead guy? Yeah pass I'll take the bed." You waltz over to the bed and kick off your heels then take a seat. You considered all possible options to slip by before Lemon had a chance to get back. "You might as well come take a seat with me since I'm going to be forced to stay here for a while," you spoke calmly and looked up to him, giving a doe eyed expression and a bit of a pout. Then just like any other man you ever tried to manipulate on the job, he complied and sat next to you.

"It's quite the gruesome line of work for such a pretty face.." you spoke softly and grazed your fingertips up and down his thigh. He grabbed your wrist and pulled your hand away. "Could say the same for you." He spoke quickly, using as few words as possible to get his point across. You could tell he was struggling with you so close to him and it made your sticky situation all the better. "So Tangerine... what's the idea behind the name?" you asked and turned from having your back against the headboard to facing him. You had to admit he truly was attractive. "Well Tangerines are sophisticated, easily cross hybridized. Adaptable, like myself." You giggled at how serious his response was, not thinking he'd have such a good explanation for a fruit.

"I still think lime would suit you more, my Sprite joke was funny," you smiled, and gently tried to move your hand back up his thigh again. This time he didn't budge, allowing the contact, although he didn't respond to you. "Y'know this line of work gets lonely, why won't you talk to me? When's the last time you had a real conversation with someone that wasn't Lemon?" You saw as his jaw clenched, he seemed irritated, not because you were bothering him, but because he knew you were right, he did want to talk to you. Suddenly he untensed and let out a deep sigh.

Letting his guard down. Perfect. "Not for a long while. Other than Lemon I don't really speak to people outside my job. The job I'm currently on and trying to not get distracted from, thanks." You frowned and went from gently grazing his thigh to placing your hand down, softly brushing your thumb over it. "It's probably more lonely working solo though," he was beginning to open slowly, deciding to not see you as a threat, but an acquaintance. "It is lonely, sometimes I regret this line of work. Wish I had a normal, boring, actionless life." You both progressively moved closer as you continued to chat.

It was hard to find someone going through the same thing you were since it was rare to meet people who would even begin to understand living your life as a weapon, but he did because he was the same. Tangerine was comfortable, but internally cursing his brother for taking so long and leaving him to keep his cool with you. Same as you, he couldn't deny your charm.

You suddenly leaned in all the way kissing the man in front of you, a hand on his cheek and the other slowly inching up his thigh. You could tell he was shocked by the delay in kissing you back, but something in him couldn't push you away. Both of his hands reached up to your waist, one staying there and the other making its way up your back. The kiss was over as soon as it started, with you reaching you hand on his thigh up into his waistband, pulling his own gun on him.

"I'm really sorry about this, I did enjoy our little chat." He was completely and utterly shocked. He was mad at himself for letting his guard down, but more upset that you tried to get close to him to catch him off guard. “Give me your phone.” you ordered and he looked at you dumbfounded. “I said give me your phone!” and he shuffled through his pockets and pulled it out. “Put in your password.” and he complied then handed it to you.

You opened his messages and put in your phone number, sending yourself a text, then tossed it on the bed. Tangerine tried to reach for it back, but you stopped him. “Sorry hun but I cant let you move.” you grabbed your shoes off the floor, not letting the man leave your sight, then leaned over and gave him a peck on the cheek, grabbed his mask, and put it on before backing out the door.

As you stepped out, you were met by Lemon. “Move a single muscle and I’ll blow your brains out.” you held the gun to the side of his head, and he froze. “Good.. now you’re going to let me go, and don’t worry about your brother he’s perfectly fine, just pussy whipped.” you gave a small chuckle and ran out the door to your car making your escape.

Once Tangerine could grab his phone he opened it to see a contact name, ‘Blondie😉’ and a message you sent to yourself.

“xoxo😚”

[mywritingonlyfans]

One Shot with Ethan Torchio // It's a bit Fluffly, Smut and Angsty

prompt: in which, ethan always need/visit you when he's not in tour + casual sex(?) with ethan tying you up so you don't touch him i'm telling you this but isn't a hardcore smut

warnings: it's smut. a fluffly kinda sexy(?)maybe it's just sexy bc it's ethan smut ig fem!reader

(he is so hot. i'm crying all my tears, and that's fucking pathetic.)

Your head hurt, you knew your face was probably red due to your desire to go home and cry, but yet, your friends convinced you to go out for a drink. According to them nothing was too bad that a beer couldn’t improve, you doubted it.

Somehow, you found yourself happy to have accepted.

You didn’t know Ethan was back in town, you briefly wondered why you didn’t know, since he always contacted you when he was near (or at least that was what it seemed to be). Still, you were glad to see him. He was always able to make things better, even if only for a short period of time; which in your case was very short one as he wasn’t yours to have.

Ethan complemented your friends, they were all too familiar to him. He hugged you, giving a small kiss to your head while sitting next to you. Suddenly, you felt like a stronger drink would do you good.

It wasn’t hard to tell what was going to happen in the next few hours, after a couple of years going through that, you knew the time you spent together would always be the same. You guessed that you were able to put his head in place, just as he did with yours; and that's why he always came back to you. You'd never be able to tell if it was luck or mischance.

“Was it too hard to find me?” You asked him.

By now, your friends had moved to another corner. “I mean, I’m not complaining, I’m glad you did.” You offered him a weak smile. He did the same.

He looked tired, yet deadly cute.

He shuffled his chair closer to yours, letting his leg touch your bare knee. “Not really, Victoria said she called you in the morning, then told me that you intended to visit here for the night,” he mumbled, signaling to the bartender that he needed a beer, and so did you.

“She’s a gossip,” you wrinkled your nose, causing him to provide offer you a nasal laugh that you had learned to find lovely over the years. “But what has been happenin’ in your life lately? You’re good?” You tried to sound casual, but deep down you knew he wasn’t there entirely for you. Something was bothering him, he was looking for someone to rest on.

“Pretty much the same,” he sighed heavily. He wasn’t tired just physically. “We finished the last album, I feel exhausted.”

He looked at you like a lost puppy, watching your face, analyzing if you were in the mood to listen to him, or even if you were okay with having him around. After all, he came to you out of nowhere.

He’d never make you uncomfortable around him, maybe he hadn't noticed that yet. “C’mon, let it all out. I haven’t seen you for too many months for you to deprive me of the details.”

“If I tell you,” he pondered, “ you’ll tell me why you have a runny nose to match your watery eyes?” He poked your cheek, dragging his fingers so he could put some strands of hair back in place.

His seat was now so close to you that you'd be able to rest your head on his shoulder if you wanted to without creating any bodily discomfort.

“I guess life just hasn’t been all that gentle with me lately.” You giggled at him. “I lost my job last week, the same life shit is goin’ on as usual, and when I finally managed to move to a decent place, I’ll now be actually going back to sharin' apartment with strangers, because, y’know, I can’t afford bein’ in there anymore.”

Ethan was quiet for a while, you needed him more than he needed you. Listening to you made him realize how his worries were nothing at all. He knew that you didn't mind sharing an apartment with someone, but the loss of perspective was always tough.

Without further thinking, he pulled you to himself, fluffing your hair and holding you tight in his grip. You didn’t cry, yet it was possible to read your emotions. It was little, but Ethan knew you.

You took your head off his chest while he still had his arm around your waist. Taking a deep breath, you stared at your laced fingers, feeling it slow down. “I guess it’s all happenin’ at the same time, I’m just not sure how to handle it at the moment,” he held your face in his hand, his mouth close to yours as he ran his fingertips over your chin, until his lips were on you.

He was soft and wet, he had the same taste you still had etched in your mind, at that moment it seemed to be all you needed. He let go slowly, distributing pecks on the corners of your mouth, letting his forehead rest against yours.

You two stayed like that for a few minutes and you could bet that anyone who passed by could see how much of a fool you were for him. You tried not to think about it too much, it was better to have little of him than to have nothing. “Ethan?”

“Huh?” He murmured with his eyes closed, giving your lips a tickling sensation.

“Kiss me more,” and then he did. Ethan was holding you in place while your hands intertwined around his neck. You played with the chain of his necklace, savoring the touch of his tongue on yours, focusing only on him while pulling at his hair to hear his soft moans.

It didn’t take long for the bartender to come get your attention. You laughed nervously against him, you were embarrassed because you didn’t even remember where you were, still Ethan seemed untouchable about it. He wasn’t one to be embarrassed over small things like that, at least not with you. The bartender was quite irritated with the two of you and just now you noticed that your drinks had arrived and hadn’t even been touched; he was rightly pissed.

Ethan stood up, lifting you up with him. You looked in your pockets for your money, but then Ethan said it was okay and that he’d pay. You would argue, yet any money left over would be welcome. You held both beers in hand as he paid, thanking the old lady for the service, still feeling your skin burning with embarrassment, and then headed outside to wait for Ethan.

“Are you drivin’?” He asked, laughing at your state of awkwardness.

You bumped into his shoulder slightly, laughing along with him. “I am not, I’m living nearby,” you whispered as he put his hand inside your skirt pocket, bringing you to his side for a walk. “In the apartment that soon won’t be mine… how ‘bout you?”

“Not drivin’, I thought about staying somewhere to spend the night.”

He was close to home, but not that close, it would take about 3 hours to get to where he lives; it seemed plausible that he wanted to stay. “Are you only here because of me?” You risked asking.

“Yeah,” he took his hand out of your pocket and ran it through his hair. “I didn’t think it‘d be a bad idea.”

There was a silence, but it was far from being uncomfortable. “You know you can stay with me.”

——————-

Considering that you were in the process of moving to another place your house was a bit of a mess. Ethan wouldn’t be bothered by that, somehow your instinct of wanting things always in place - aka Monica from Friends - made you wander around the space in an attempt to make Ethan at home.

“What ‘bout the new album?” You asked, dragging one of the boxes away from him. It wouldn’t even bother anyone, but the thought that it would be in the middle of the room while someone was at your house bothered you.

“I don’t really know, I feel anxious about releasin’ it. It’s not that I don’t want to release it or am afraid of doing so, far from that, it's just, I don’t know… ” His voice fell silent, lost in his thoughts.

You turned to him, wanting to ask him what he had said, after all, that didn’t sound like Ethan, you felt as his hands touched your hips, pulling you on his lap. “Y'know I don’t care about your mess, right? Just, please, stop walkin’ 'round the house dragging boxes.” He said with his face close to your neck, hugging you from behind. His warm breath was in contact with your soft skin, providing heat to your body. Well, there was a minimal percentage chance that you were trying to make the place look good for Ethan, just because he made you a little nervous.

���Okay, fine. I’m fine,” you exhaled, turning to face him. He was smiling with his eyes almost closing; he still looked tired, but at least you were improving his mood. “You know you’re good at what you do, Ethan. You shouldn’t worry 'bout those things.” You held on to his shoulders, breaking something that could turn out to be a pity silence.

He squeezed your thigh at the same time as he laughed humorlessly at your words. “I know that. I guess that this is the short time they gave us to finish the album – it was drivin’ me crazy. The album isn’t bad, not at all, it’s honestly very good. Dami did a incredible job, still if it weren’t for the time it could have been even better. That’s crazy how I’m still letting myself get stressed over this, don’t you think?” He vented, moving his hands up your skirt.

“I know it’ll be good, I can’t think of anything you did that ended up bad!” You ran your fingers over his covered shoulders, down to his chest, going to the first open button of his t-shirt. “But if it’s just stress I can help you.”

He lubed his lips, nodding assiduously, putting you properly on top of him. That way, you were stuck to his body, feeling the rough of his jeans along with the zipper against your underwear. You gulped as he held your face, sealing your lips with his. You were relieved he always guided you through that; the leading up part was way better when it came from him.

You unbuttoned the rest of his shirt in middle of sloppy kisses and grips. Running your hand over his belly, tracing your fingers to the back of his neck while moving your hips lightly. You lugged on his hair, pulling him away to catch your breath. You opened your eyes to find Ethan with a deep pink mouth and brown eyes more intense than normal, at that moment you could have sworn that he was the most beautiful thing you had ever laid eyes on. You spread his shirt to the sides, sensing your body getting hotter, when Ethan smirked at your rush, managing to hold both of your hands behind you; stopping you in place.

“No need to rush, we have plenty of time,” he clenched you in his hands. You arched your back, breathing heavily at each touch of his fingers on your wrists.

He ran his nose over your neck, placing kisses and bites on the way to your collarbone, leaving wet tracks that would later turn into dark marks.

Your legs ached from that position, the couch wasn’t the best, but feeling Ethan getting hard under you as you writhed yourself against him, made you want to stay there for as long as he wanted you to. It was crazy to think that at the beginning of the day you were sure that the rest of it would be a pure disaster, and now being spoiled by Ethan’s lips your worries seemed to fade away.

Temporary as that would be, you were determined to give him your all, making his and yours next hours one of the best escapes from both of you. Unnecessary to say that you were lost in your own mind by now, craving for having his strands in-between your fingers, wanting him tugged into you furiously, causing you to ache. Your mouth was ajar, your vision was just white dots as he played with your sensitive skin, driving you insane. Ethan paralyzed when his grip became too strong around your fists and you got louder than usual.

“D’you like that?” He did it again, but this time pushing your body backward. He kept his devilish grin on his face, watching you from top to bottom. You bit your lips, containing your noises to yourself. Such an angel in his eyes. “Up, babe. I need to see something.” He didn’t let you answer, not as if he needed to. You stood up in front of him, legs shaking with your head definitely not in the right place. “Undress.” He rested his elbows on his knees.

His face was serious, and you didn’t see any problem in obeying his voice, but perhaps, due to the lack of his body being glued to yours, you couldn’t help but let out a laugh.

“Don’t act like you don’t like it when I tell you what to do,” He caught you by the hem of your underwear, helping to take it off while you got rid of your blouse. “Especially, when I just got you off my lap, almost unconscious 'cause of some kisses to your soft neck, pet.” He added, drawing circles on the inside of your thigh, smoothly going up to your center.

You felt your breath come to a halt. “You’re just too bossy.” You teased, confirming that your breathing was faulty.

He patted his nose over the damp stain of the fabric, placing a kiss there. “And you love it.” He pecked you a few more times, teasing you by running his fingers on the edges as putting the cloth to the side; never touching you where you needed him.

Almost involuntarily you took hold of his hair, bringing him closer to your core. And then, you understood his previous question, it wasn’t just about not being able to touch him, but also about the power he was having over you.

He cut his actions short and got up, hovering over you. “Tonight, you won’t be allowed to touch me, all right?!” He whispered, tossing your hair behind your ear.

That’d be comical in any other situation, yet with his body and eyes fixed on your frame you felt in his domain.

You nodded, diving into the way he pulled at the hair on the nape of your neck firmly so that you were looking at him. “Go on, babe,” He insisted on having the words he wanted.

“Yes, it’s all right, Ethan,” it was far from all right, you couldn’t do that. How could you go without touching, making a mess of his hair or marking your nails on his back?

“That’s my girl,” he praised you in between sighs.

He was excited while your face was overflowing with nervousness; not out of fear, but out of curiosity. He finished removing his shirt and indicated with his fingers for you to lie down on the couch.

You shut your eyes tight, with his voice echoing 'my girl’ in your mind, Ethan was lugging your wrists above your head as you did what he told you to do. He tied them with his shirt. “Is this hurtin’ you? Are you comfortable?” He tightened it in a knot.

Your head and elbows were on the arm of the couch, only your hands were unsupported. Although you weren’t uncomfortable, it was to be expected that pain would appear the next day; it’d be worth it. “No, it’s fine. I’m good.” You assured him as he knelt beside the couch, running his hands down your torso, making you squirm.

He went down to the hem of your underwear, taking it off with the help of your legs kicking the lace away. “Good then,” he warbled, pattering lines on your pubic hair. “Needy and in your proper place.”

“Bastard,” you swore through clenched teeth.

He grinned, admiring how your breast rose and fell in a quick but punctual rhythm while your hips fidgeted at his touch. You looked like a piece of art he had just created, swollen lips, filled in lovely marks on the collarbone. He found himself in need to concentrate on his breathing while watching you, to control his pulse as he reached his fingertips to your pussy.

“Ethan” you breathed out, forcing your fists. “Go on, please,”

With that, he held your hands, forcing them down and slid a finger inside you. Your lips opened in a sigh and he took the opportunity to kiss you, running his tongue over your bottom lip and nipping it to his mouth, keeping things on a slow pace.

You wanted to hold his hand, make him go faster or be able to pull the locks of his hair until he understood how much you wanted him, but you had no way of doing that, and you knew he was just doing that to provoke you.

His lips traveled over your neck again, this time giving light kisses, blowing air on the soft fresh he had left in there.

“You’re so gorgeous,” he said without even opening his eyes, delighting in your skin as he sped up, now rubbing his thumb gently over your bud.

You whispered something almost inaudible that Ethan recognized as his name. He raised his head, coming face a face to you. “Right there, huh?” He asked, focusing on the spot that was blurring your vision.

You groaned. The satisfying delight running through your veins. You closed your legs, wishing you could hold on to his body, but all he did was laugh, shoving his fingers leisurely into you.

“No, no Ethan,” you looked at him properly, thinking that if you hadn’t been with your wrists tied you’d have slapped his chest.

He wiped his hand on your thigh, and stood up slipping his jeans down his legs along with his underwear. You sighed at him, stretching your arms, staring at the ceiling to disguise yourself. Not that it was necessary, Ethan was already too much of a show-off when it came to you for your liking.

“You good? How’s your arms?” He doubted, getting on top of you.

He had his hair damp, falling over the spots on his forehead. Some of his locks was glued to his chest and his golden pendant dangled in front of your eyes. For a split second, you though about saying that you missed him, but you were wise enough to know better than doing such a thing.

“If I say that I’m not good. Are you goin’ to untie me?”

He pressed his chest to yours, your body sticking to his since you were both sweaty.

“Not even a chance,” He stroked your neck with his thumb, up and down, with a silly look on his face.

You grunted as soon as you felt how solid hard he was against your thigh, he aligned himself in-between your knees, holding on to your shoulders, and without hesitation he filled you up. Your body tingled and your voice failed, causing a silent moan to slip from your lips. His head fell over the crook of your neck and you could feel how dysrhythmic his breathing was. His warm body along with his breath hitting on your neck added a pleasant feeling in your stomach, leaving you dizzy under him.

“Move Ethan,” you tried to sound understandable, embracing his waist with your legs.

He thrusted deeply in you, leaving a breathed sigh of relief in your ears. You stretched out your arms, tightening your thighs around him. He held the shirt in your hands, preventing it from coming loose.

“No, I wanna touch you,” you whined.

“You will, just be patient, babe,” he squeezed your wrists in his hand.

Closing your eyes, you enjoyed the way his body was over yours, every movement and every delicate touch.

He went slowly at first, making sure you were taking all of him before going faster. Once he felt your walls clenching around him, he murmured a breathless 'fuck’, letting go of your hands so that you could finally feel him. You dug your nails into his back, kneading your body against his at the same time as he hugged you.

As you opened your eyes, he was already looking at you, with an intense gaze, building you up to feel sexy and wanted.

Both of you were a mess; sweaty and sticky. You felt a tingling ecstasy take all over your body, your toes twitching as you emptied yourself into him. He kept working on you until his body collapsed into yours, filling you up to perfection.

The last thing you remembered was having your fingers entwined in his hair, patting at it slightly as he whispered sweet nothing against your skin; just like a lullaby.

———–-------

You woke up to the noise of the television, trying to adjust your vision to the brightness of the daylight. Failing to stretch, you felt how sore your body was.

Your eyes searched for Ethan, finding him sitting opposite to you with a lazy smile and a cup of tea in hands, his attention was all on you. Friends was playing on the television, but you doubted he was really watching it.

“Good mornin’ babe,” his husky voice echoed through the room. It was the best thing to hear in the morning. “How’s it? Hurtin’?” He asked when you started examining your marked wrists.

He was fully dressed and although you weren’t, he had managed to get a sheet to cover you.

“Good mornin’. It’s fine, it doesn’t hurt,” you mumbled, scratching your eyes, curling up on the sheet. “How long will you be stayin’ in town?”

“Not long,” he paused thoughtfully. You already expected that he wouldn’t be with you for long, still sometimes you liked to think that it’d last longer than just a few days before he disappeared to another continent. “I need to go home in a few minutes, I’m going to take a flight at night to adjust the final details of the album.”

“Sounds nice,” you wanted to have the courage to tell him how he made things in your life look just right, as if he were some kind of piece missing from your puzzle. “I can’t wait to hear it, hear what your great fingers are capable of.” You ignored your thoughts. He laughed.

However, you truly believed that not saying anything was a wise move.

He lifted a cup from one of the boxes next to him, holding it out to you. “I made one for you too, I hope you don’t mind.”

You didn’t mind it, in fact, you loved the way he made himself at home so quickly. The home that soon wouldn’t be yours anymore. You wished Ethan could remedy your worries for more than just one night.

“Thank you,” you took the still warm drink in your hands, looking at him as if he were part of your decor. “You can smoke in here, I don’t mind that either,” you spoke up. You couldn’t even imagine that he’d have gone without lighting a cigarette all morning.

“The place is all clean, and smells nice. I bet you never lit one yourself, I wouldn’t do that.” He was right.

“Well, y'know that I don’t care about the smell, I just don’t see the need to leave the house impregnated with it.” You explained, remembering that Ethan’s house was a perfect description of that smell, yet you loved his place.

“I know this is going to sound strange,” he started. “But if you can’t find a place in time to live in… you can stay at mine, I mean, you know I am never home and as I’ll be travelin’ you could make yourself at home.”

He said it casually, and you knew he wasn’t lying, if you wanted to he wouldn't even think twice about letting you stay at his.

“No need, I’ll be fine. I do appreciate it though.” you took a sip of your now cold drink.

He bobbed, checking what you thought could be the time on his phone.

“You have to go, I guess?” You asked, your soft voice revealing you didn’t want that.

“I need to,” he gave you a small smile, getting up. “It’s gettin’ a bit late for me.”

“I see,” you went to him, adjusting the sheet on your body, feeling ridiculous for still being undressed. “I guess I’ll see you, right?” You added it while he picked up your stuff on the couch; keys, wallet and the pack of cigarettes. There was no answer for your question.

“Yeah,” he breathed out, heading to the door. “You could come and visit, spend a few days with us. It’d be nice.”

“On tour? Like a groupie?” You wrinkled your nose. His arms wrapping around you. You’d miss it.

He squeezed you into his chest, his tiny beard tickling your cheek. “You know you are much more than just a groupie for me, Y/N.”

You didn’t answer that. He pulled away and for a second you thought he was going to kiss you, but he didn’t.

“See ya Y/N,” instead, he kissed the top of your head. “Think about it, both about comin’ to visit and also about needing a place to stay for a while.”

“I’m sure I will, thank you Ethan,” you watched him, from his rumpled shirt to dark circles under his eyes. He’d always have a special space in your heart. “I guess I’ll see ya then.”

>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<<

taglist ( 'cause someone actually wanted to be tagged, i didn't even force anyone😁): @maybanksslut , @oro-e-diamanti

[lesbian-deadpool]

Take A Slice

Part Five: The Tape

Natasha Romanoff x Reader

Words: 1,208

Warnings: Smut and 18+ content (Daddy kink, filming sex, strap-on, some dirty talk ig), drama, alludes to blackmail.

Summary: Sometimes you regretted your decisions. This was one of those times. You could just tell.

A/N: Smut and 18+ content is marked with --- at the beginning and end. Bold and italics = Text Messages.

Ko-Fi

18+ ONLY.

(Not My GIF)

***

It had been around four months since your discussion with Natasha. And things were going great.

Better than great, in fact.

You had gone from being together, to you now having a girlfriend.

It was a strange transition for you, you won't lie. From not knowing what that kind of affection truly felt like, to being thrust into such a caring relationship with a stunning woman, who had a sex drive that could rival Zeus'. Granted, she was your Professor. But it wasn't like she was giving you 'A's for a particularly good orgasm. In all honesty, you were lucky if you could even get a 'B', in her class.

And yet.

Even with how perfect, it seemed to be.

You still couldn't help but wonder what you were going to do to fuck it all up.

But right now, you couldn't think about that.

You had much more important things to be focusing on.

---

"That's it, baby," you husked, "Smile for the camera."

A soft, open-mouthed smile shone on Natasha’s face. Her chest, rising and falling, with her breathlessness. Before the smile dropped, and she moaned instead.

Her tits were bouncing as you fucked deep into her. Hair a mess and hands holding your ribs.

"I wanna ride you."

"You think you can handle that?" you teased her cockily.

Natasha cried out. If you weren't so in tune with her by now, you would have had half a mind to think that it was painful. Her head nodded quickly- Despereatily.

"Okay. If you think you can."

Now laying upon your back on her soft bed, you greedily drank in the sight of her sinking down onto the strap attached to your hips. And she didn't take it slow, either. She sat on that thing as if, if she didn't have it inside her, right at that moment, she would just combust.

The moan that poured from her swollen lips was deep and nothing short of sexy.

"Oh, that's it," you husked, "You gonna make yourself come like that, honey?"

"Yeah," Natasha whispered, leaning down to press her lips against yours. Before repeatedly moaning into your mouth when she started rocking her hips against yours.

You continued to film. It was your idea after all, so why wouldn't you?

As she threw her head back, hands resting on your chest. The filthy, wet slapping sounds flowing into the speakers, letting your phone pick up everything. Including the groan you made when Natasha's hands moved up to fondle at her perky breasts, now rotating her core against your hips, as she intensely eye fucked the camera.

"Y'know. If teaching ever falls through for you, Porn is definitely an option."

She laughed at you. Then her gasp came, "Oh God, I'm close."

Meeting each and every one of her thrusts, you helped her reach her screaming high.

Not once, but twice.

It felt like she had just run a mile, when she flopped down onto your chest, panting against the sweaty skin.

"Jesus Christ. You're amazing."

"Tell me something I don't know." You smirked.

Your only reply being a light slap to your chest, both of you awaiting your next round.

---

***

It was Saturday. Which mean you spent the night at Natasha's place, after "date night". Which almost always consisted of making -or ordering- dinner and watching a few movies, before retreating to bed. More often than not, to continue the night, in the most pleasurable of ways.

There was a pep in your step as you walked to your car, pizza in hand. When you felt the telltale vibration of your phone in your pocket.

You had gotten a text.

From an unknown number.

Which read.

Have you seen her?

Confused by the semi-cryptic message, with your eyebrows scrunched slightly, you replied.

I think you've got the wrong number.

I've got the right number.

This only further confused you.

I really don't think you do.

Y/N Y/L/N.

How the fuck do you know my name? Who gave you this number?

You should block them.

You'd be an idiot not too.

No longer moving, you stood on the sidewalk, your car just in front of you. All the while, staring intently at your phone, waiting to see if another message came through.

That's not important, right now.

You were in the midst of typing out your reply of, 'like hell it is!'. But before you could even finish writing it, another message from the anonymous person came through.

But what is important, is if you've seen her.

Yelling sounded in the back of your brain, only growing louder as these texts went along. Telling you to "BLOCK THEM!" Like what has already been stated, you would have to be an idiot not too.

Seen who?

Yeah.

You were an idiot.

Big time.

Miss Natasha Romanoff.

It felt like your entire world dropped, a cold sweat beginning to break out across your skin. You could feel your heart beating in you now sickly stomach. And yet. You never dropped the pizza.

Then, rationality came back to you.

She was a teacher.

A very attractive and popular teacher at that.

This was probably just some creepy student in her class or one that fancied her. Or both.

Yeah? You asked them, I'm in her Psych class, of course, I've seen her.

No.

I mean, have you seen her?

And then they sent a clip.

You dreaded opening it. But all the same, you opened it, after a few seconds.

If you had thought that your would had fallen apart before, it was nothing compared to how you felt now.

Thank God, your phone was still connected to your ear-phones.

Loud moans flowed into your brain as your jaw dropped, unable to rip your eyes from the screen.

---

There she was. Your Professor. Your Girlfriend. Tits bouncing as her eyes rolled into the back of her skull. Getting fucked, like it was the thing she was born to do.

You almost thought it was something else. Until your voice played in your ears.

"God, you're such a little slut. What are you?"

"Oh," she cried, "I'm daddy's little slut!"

---

Then it ends.

And you're greeted horribly by another message from the mystery person.

That was just a teaser.

Anger flowed through you.

No.

No.

Not anger.

This was so much more than anger. This was rage. Curated from forged flames, and directed at one person.

Deciding to skip past all this bullshit texting, you called the person who somehow managed to get ahold of your privacy. Your girlfriend's privacy.

It went straight to voice mail.

Which only angered you more. You could practically feel the steam coming off of you, rivalling the smoke coming from the BBQ a few houses away.

Now's not a good time. I'm in class.

One that I don't have to fuck my teacher to pass.

You're gonna be in a fucking hospital when I get my hands on you. Now. WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?! AND HOW DID YOU GET THAT?!

Now, now, Y/N. Is that any way to talk to the man with such information?

Are you fucking blackmailing me?

Your jaw ticked as you awaited their reply.

Only time will tell.

***

Take A Slice Tag List: 

@wannabe-fic-writer​, @ohfuckno​, @uglipotata72829​

Permanent Tag List: 

@imnotasuperhero, @veteranwerewolf95, @natasha-danvers, @marvelfansince08love, @higherfurther-romanova, @lesbian-x-blackwidow, @sestra-inestro, @thelastavenger-3000

[angeloncewas]

dont wanna make this ask long bc i am tired and dont have the energy to be a well spoken (?) person rn but it probably will be long anyways, so sorry!! but like. as somebody who has hyperfixated on both idubbbz and schlatt (along with a plethora of other problematic content creators, i really know how to fuckn pick em!!) they absolutely foster a dogshit community, at least outside of platforms like tumblr, where like. you cant really avoid fandom culture like you can on twitter or ig, if that makes sense. on here, if you wanna post about your favorite youtuber, whether you tag it or not, other fans will likely see and if you say some bad shit, you will likely get called on it, whereas on ig basically only your followers will see it even if you use a hashtag and on twitter its like if you arent in a subtwt/fandom then you basically dont interact with any subtwt at all unless its an accident, ya know?

so like. i think what im trying to say here is that while ive met a lot of fans of both these creators, especially schlatt, who are great people as far as i can tell, i am also specifically on the fandom side of things and as soon as i step out of that space i realize that a lot of people who watch them are not actually minorities like me and my mutuals who can catch on to satire or who watch their more behind the scenes stuff where you can see them act like a decent person or even call out people for the things they usually joke about which just. fucking sucks. it sucks that, as much as i do believe schlatt is actually a good person (and sort of idubbbz, although i dont really watch him much anymore for a plethora of reasons, mostly related to the fact that i cant stand his jokes anymore even if he is playing a character as he's said before), he also keeps doing terrible fucking things and im really glad his actual friends have been calling him on it recently, especially after that jackbox video (which is a whole other thing on its own bc it literally seemed like nobody wanted to be there basically the entire video?? like as somebody who watched all the jackbox videos before that one, it was really fucking off in that call and the jokes were next level fucking upsetting), but sometimes it's just kinda like. exhausting. bc his community is already fucking bad now, you cant undo accidentally fostering a community of fucking racist homophobes who dont get that you're playing a character, unless you kinda drop off and build a whole new community from that, which would be stupid to do at this point in his career. not really sure where i was going with this tbh, but i thought i would chime in on this discussion as a viewer of mainly schlatt, but also a past idubbbz viewer who is basically a seasoned fucking vet at dealing with shitty fanbases because of him and many other dumb youtube white boys

(also, note on that anisa thing: ian's main fanbase was definitely pissed just bc she does sex work and a lot of them are too fucking young or just too fucking dense i guess to clock the fact that he's putting on an act bc, like i said before, they either dont watch his behind the scenes content, or they do and they kinda just miss those moments between still trying to entertain where he gets genuine. that being said, a lot of people outside of his fanbase were also pissy bc anisa is a less than spectacular lady if you really do your research on her, kind of a bad person but it's not something a lot of people know about, especially since one of the few videos made on it was by fucking creepshow art)

sorry for the rant again, i feel like i do this every other week now and i apologize, you just seem to have the best discourse and i enjoy partaking <3 hope you have a good rest of your day/night/whatever time you're reading this!

—🦷

Thank you for the input (don't mind the rant !) and I hope you have a good rest of your day too <3 For post length, I'll answer under the cut :)

Yeah, I get what you mean (I think ahdsufsd). Fandom as a concept is pretty... I don't even know how to describe it, but it's the kind of thing that I feel like white male Redditors would think of as pussy shit, y'know? Like the Ricegum gang isn't a fucking "fandom" they're a... well, a fandom, but they're not gonna admit to that. So when you step outside of a community like Tumblr (the queerest place on the internet TM) you come into contact with the faces of the fandom you're dealing with and oftentimes they're a lot less like you than you might've thought from the similar interest. It's like going to a Weezer concert and realizing you're surrounded by incels (this is a JOKE).

Satire's a rough topic because some people don't think it should exist at all. Like any words that can be directly interpreted as bigoted or problematic should not be uttered. I disagree with that, I think it's one of the most interesting forms of both social commentary and comedy, but I do see the problem. There are people who watched Filthy Frank (to take an example from that other anon) and didn't know or care what the point of his actions were (I don't know what they were tbh - I never watched him, but it sounds like he's a pretty decent dude) and instead read his jokes as-is. There are thousands upon thousands of people who aren't gonna get satire and that's a problem because if they're already bigoted they're gonna see people like Schlatt and iDubbz and whoever else as truly validating.

(Largely unrelated but yo, is iDubbz still going? Are the views alright? Is the adsense popping? Has he just kept going with Content Cops? I haven't heard about him since the girlfriend thing dropped.)

"you cant undo accidentally fostering a community of fucking racist homophobes who dont get that you're playing a character, unless you kinda drop off and build a whole new community from that"

I think this is what's pertinent when it comes to discussing Schlatt. After the Jackbox video (for me at least, he might've been there before) he put himself at a crossroads. If he'd apologized, said "sorry, I took it too far, that was a mistake" - yeah, plenty of people wouldn't have forgiven him and plenty of bigoted fans of his would've said that the apology was just to placate the snowflakes on Twitter, but to the sort of in-between people it would've shown that he's able to recognize and reconcile his mistakes. He could've transitioned into content that's A) actually good (when I say that the video was bad I don't just mean in terms of racism, I mean it straight up was not entertaining) and B) less "edgy" for the sake of. I wouldn't expect him to go uwu squeaky clean, but he's already reeled in the bad people, so if he really wanted to foster a good, progressive audience, he has to do something significant to show that.

But he didn't.

Maybe for the sake of his career, maybe because he likes those bigoted fans, maybe because he just doesn't get it - I don't know. I don't think we'll ever know. I spoke earlier about doing what is right over what is easy and in the case of Schlatt it just feels like he really did take the easy way out. Whoever he is in his personal life doesn't change how he's perceived online and the kinds of people that are idolizing him for it.

(And yeah I saw the video on Anisa when I Googled her to check if they were still dating, but then I saw who it was made by and I was like oh well whatever avhfdfkj)

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #268

“i got a switchblade wit that cuts like a bitch, and i think you two should meet.”

What was the shortest amount of time you’ve known someone before you’ve dated them? If you’ve never been in a relationship before, do you watch Scrubs? Jason and I knew each other like... I think two or three weeks? We clicked so fast. Are you a fan of inside jokes or do you tend to stay away from them? I... don't feel a particular way? Do you have any theatrical experience? If so, what have you done? No, I'm not into theater. Which movies currently out in theaters do you want to see? I don't know what's in theaters right now, but I don't think anyone does rn lol. Don’t you hate it when people talk about their relationships constantly? If it's seriously incessantly, yes. There's not a lot you can say to have a conversation when they just ramble about the person, especially when you don't even know the partner. How close would you say you are to your relatives? Not very. What’s your favorite Pokemon? Ninetales. If you could have anyone to do your eulogy, who would it be and why? Well, I'd assume my parents will be dead by that point, so. Probably my best friend. If you play the Sims games, which one is your favorite? I've only ever played Sims Animals, which I looooved back in the past. I haven't played it in years, though. If your parents searched your room, would they be mad at what they’d find? No. Ever taken a picture kissing somebody? Yes. Sex in the morning, afternoon or night? Morning is a great start to the day, but only after your teeth are brushed. I cannooooot do morning breath. Do you want someone aggressive or passive in bed? Aggressive. I am such a sub lmao. How serious are your feelings for the person you like? I DON'T KNOWWWWWWWWWW Ever had your driver's license suspended? Don't have mine to begin with. Does the person you like know that you like them? Yes. How frequently are you inclined to read, and how much? Somewhat rarely lately, less than I did some months back. I would read some pretty big chunks. When was the last time you questioned the direction your life was taking? LMAOOOOOOOOO I'm not exaggerating at all when I say that's like, a daily occurrence. What small things have the ability to get under your skin? I'm trying to think of something I haven't said before, but I'm not sure. OH, it may seem like a small thing, but letting balloons go outside. It's littering. Many end up in the ocean. What is something small that has the ability to cure a bad mood? A car ride riding shotgun with music blaring. I fucking love it. What was the last big change through which you went? Some moral beliefs altered. ^ Do you deal well with change, typically? Have you always? Fuck no. It blows up my anxiety. How do you feel after spending a great quantity of time online? I used to feel kinda guilty, and I actually still do, but it's more subdued. It's just too normal by now, to the point when I'm bored, I sometimes briefly forget there are other things to do that aren't on the computer. God it's sad. What do you consider to be the biggest drawback to being you? I'M BIG SCARED OF EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!! What do you consider the best part of being who you are? I'm really understanding and can relate to people's pain well. What kinds of things do you have on display in your room? Christ, a lot. My room is STUFFED with decorations that make me happy.  There's posters, some artwork, all my Silent Hill game cases or manuals + more SH stuff, meerkats galore, Venus is in here, I have this "shrine" for Teddy... I've got a load of stuff. What do you think your room and its contents say about you, if anything? I love a lotta stuff, ig. Animals, music, dark stuff, games. When was the last time you felt insecure about something/some situation? UMMMMM I should have a question for this fucking immediately. I'm sure it was something when I was at Ashley's inlaws for Mother's Day. What is something about which you are very confident or self-assured? My knowledge of meerkats lmaooo. Which emotional sensation inconveniences or bothers you the most? FUCKIN ANXIETY. Do you ever find it awkward to compliment another being? No, I love love love giving compliments!! When was the last time you had a new experience? What was it? Hm. I guess nightmares where I literally flail and attack shit while shrieking. Do you dress more for yourself, or to the expectations of others? I dress entirely for myself. What is one way you cope when you feel like crap? Binge music I can relate to. Which can make it worse, but sometimes helps. I'll usually get to the point of being teary and cry a bit, but then I start feeling better. Name an insult you regularly receive, if there is one? I guess it's not really an... insult, per se, but I hear "you're too quiet!" all the time. What is something you used to believe about life that you no longer do? Everything happens for a reason. Nope. What is something you hope you never have to do again? Deal with another Jason-level heartbreak. Of the many different American accents, which one is your favorite? I'm actually not sure. Not a fan of any that I can think of. Do you know anyone who had a kid before they were financially stable? Oh yeah, plenty normal nowadays. Is there anything hanging from the doorknob in your room? Yes, the pink bead necklace from my sister's baby shower for Emerson. Sometimes I hang my purse there too. Why did you move to where you're living now? We got evicted for not being able to keep up with rent and needed a cheap but semi-decent place to live. What was the most severe punishment your parents gave you when you were growing up? I remember I was grounded from the computer for at least a week, maybe more. My punishment was always taking technology away and/or spanked or popped on the arm. I remember she once hit my arm so damn hard that I had her handprint there for a while. My mom was horrible at *keeping* me and my sisters grounded, though; she'd normally calm down within a few days and things would return to normal. What was the topic of conversation the last time you spoke to a sibling? Ummm I don't remember. I should, I saw one just a couple days ago. Are you currently looking for a new job? I don't have a job currently, but while Mom has cancer and surgery coming up, I'm not really looking, but pondering opportunities. She'd have to drive me, which just can't be done right now, and I'm also not comfortable leaving her home alone right now. Who is the person you are the closest to? (emotionally, not physically) Mom. What was the last caffeinated drink you had? Do you drink this often? Strawberry Sunkist, and ugh, too much lately. Whose photo did you last look at? I was on Facebook a bit ago, so someone's on there. Who was the last person to pick you up? You mean like, physically? I don't know, probably Girt because he got a kick out of our height difference and he would do that when we hugged. What are you wearing around your neck? Nothing right now. Have you accidentally mistaken a stranger for someone you know? Oh my god, yes. I did that at the tattoo parlor once at a guy that looked like my sister's ex, who I got along with well. He looked at me like "uhhhhh" and it will haunt me forever. Who did you last blow a kiss at? Venus. I do that and wave a lot when she comes out of her hide and looks my way. Have you ever seen lava in real life? No. Who did you last bite? Um I don't just casually go around biting people lmao. Probably Jason. Do you remember the date of your prom? Ha, it's honestly surprising to me that I don't recall the date of either, considering how I remember, y'know, a weird amount of obscure details through our entire time knowing each other. Was your last kiss long and sensual or short and sweet? Why’s that? Short and sweet, because it was just a goodbye kiss. When kissing, do you like to be on top or bottom? Good Lord, am I a bottom. I hated being on top because I felt he had a better view of me and my body, and I was self-conscious as shit even when I was fit. Does your boyfriend/husband know what size your boobs are? UHHHHHHHHHHHHH I don't have a boyfriend but I've sure never actually talked about it with any. Do you have hair extensions or do you think those are strictly for the scene kids? ..... No? I don't wear extensions, never have, but wearing them doesn't tie you to a label??? List all the things you have from your boyfriend at your house right now? Not everyone has a boyfriend, friend. Last time you exercised and for how long? I DON'T WANT TO THINK OF THIS lkja;dslkfjwe Last girl who called you hot/sexy/something else of the sort? I shared a picture of myself on Facebook for once just the other day, so let's so. *checks* HAHA MY MOM. #1 cheerleader, friends. OH I should probably clarify she said "gorgeous," but I guess that counts? Was she hitting on you? Jfc no. Last guy who called you hot/sexy/something else of the sort? Does getting a comment from Ian of a Spongebob screenshot of Squidward with heart eyes count? lol Was HE hitting on you? *shrugs* He's very open with sharing love for his friends though, so it very well could've been just friendly support. Have you ever taken the 5,000 question survey? Parts of it, and God did it get stupid. What would you do if your boyfriend/husband got drafted into war tomorrow? I. Am single. And not everyone. Is interested in guys. But hypothetically, I would fucking panic. I physically wouldn't be able to handle an s/o in the army; I would constantly, absolutely constantly, be actively fearful. We'd have to find a way to get him out of it. Has a guy ever touched your butt without permission? If so, how did this make you feel? I don't believe so, thank God. How many formal dresses do you own? Sun-dresses? I have two prom dresses (which I'm finally comfortable enough to get rid of at some point) and I think like... one or two other black knee-length dresses that I could now never fit into? What do you hope you grow out of? Social anxiety. It ruins many parts of my life. What is the healthiest and unhealthiest thing you do on a regular basis? Healthy? Oh fuck. I, uh, usually have one bottle of water, I guess? Unhealthy, definitely drink soda. I need to stop. When looking for a SO, what three things are most important (besides looks)? Kindness, patience, and compassion or understanding. How much do you judge a person by their appearance? Define "judge" here. Like, I can conclude someone is impoverished or well off in many cases, but I don't judge them as people. What is the most embarrassing thing you own? Hm. I'm unsure. What is the strangest habit you have? I don't think I have odd habits. What movie made you cry the most? The Notebook or Old Yeller, I think. What was one of the happiest moments of your childhood? Realizing I was getting a dog for Christmas. Fuck, I miss Teddy. What belief do you have that most people disagree with? I'd rather not get political right now. Who or what inspires you to be a better person? I fucking hate admitting it, but Jason. The last thing he told me was to stop saying "I'll try" but rather "I will," and I actually recently almost had a breakdown about it because I shouldn't put SO much value into what he says, make it holy "rules." I treat him like a god in so many ways. Still, in my stupid head, his word is law. I still want to make him so proud. What’s the TLDR description of your last relationship? Long-distance was getting extremely hard, but I think the bigger factor was that we both have problems we need to work on before we can properly support one another. If you found out your current life has been just a dream, would you choose to wake up? (You don’t know if your real life would be better or worse.) I guess... no. I'd be too afraid of it being any worse than it already feels. What dumb thing did you believe for a really long time? Political and religious beliefs I don't at all like admitting I had. Where would you like to retire? Hell if I know, that's a long whiles away. What brings you the most joy in life? Oh yikes. Family and close friends, probs. What was the last song that got stuck in your head? "Blush" by Jeffree Star is on repeat ahhhh What is something you enjoy doing, but aren’t good at? Drawing people. I don't really do it BECAUSE I'm not very good. In art in general, I have a hard time with proportions. Name some healthy foods that you enjoy eating. Strawberries, apples, a lotta other fruits, broccoli, there are these granola and cashew bars I LOVE, salad can be good, scrambled eggs... now I'm blanking. Like there are a lot of foods that can be on either end of the spectrum, depending on how they're prepared. Do you ever eat dry cereal as a snack to munch on? Any particular kind? No, generally too crunchy and dry. When you run out of something to drink & are thirsty, are you quick to retrieve a new beverage or are you lazy about it? It depends on how thirsty I am and what I'm doing at that moment. What is your favorite part of a slice of pizza? BITCH all of that motherfucker. What was the longest power outage you ever experienced? Two or so days. I was so, so scared for Venus because it was in the winter. Poor girl was scared. I had to let her inside my hoodie and shirt to use my warmth for a lengthy period at a time, there were blankets draped over her terrarium... I was genuinely afraid she was going to die. But nope, my baby is good and thriving. :'D Do you believe that children should do all of the chores around the house, or do you think the parents should do them? Or do you have an entirely different opinion? As someone who was raised with chores poorly enforced and now I suck at doing them, they should ABSOLUTELY be a required thing. Children shouldn't do *all* the chores though, of course, especially those involving serious chemicals. Have you ever painted a pet’s nails, or known someone that has done such? Do you think that is cruel? I haven't, but I suppose it depends on whether it's toxic or not and if the animal doesn't mind? I do know people who have. What is something you did as a child that you didn’t realize back then was “wrong”, if anything? I didn't know interracial relationships were perfectly fine. It's funny, I don't recall me seeing black as any less than whites, I just thought it wasn't supposed to happen. Being raised in the South does that, ig. Do you get an excessive amount of bug bites during spring/summertime? Are you one to itch constantly or can you control yourself? No, I've heard because I have A-type blood. Whenever my sister (O-type) and I used to play outside, she would always come in COVERED in mosquito bites, and she's still a magnet for them today. Supposedly bugs don't prefer A, but O the most. I do itch, though. Holy shit, do I itch. Do you own any sports equipment [balls, basketball goals, mitts, etc] that you rarely use? No. Could you ever willingly hunt down & shoot an innocent animal for sport? Over my dead fucking body. Would you be uncomfortable changing someone else’s baby’s diaper? Ugh, I have twice I believe, and I hated it. Have/would you ever want to own a pet frog, or do you think they would be too boring? I don't think I've ever caught and kept one? I don't mind "boring" pets, I just don't desire one. What internet/television provider do you use? Fucking CenturyLink. Stay away from it. Are you uncomfortable going out in public with leg stubble? Even if it’s so light that no one would notice it unless they were looking for it? That much, no. Now I literally haven't shaved my legs in over a whole year because it's not like anyone sees them, but holy fuck would I be mortified if someone did lol. Have you ever lived in a mobile home? No. I'm terrified to because of tornados. Have you ever had your bedroom in a basement? No. What’s your favorite piece of furniture in your house? ...? If someone gave you a kitten, would you keep it? I'd want to, but it'd be Mom's decision. Favorite type of cracker: Cheez-Its. Animal you like to watch but sort of creeps you out: Spiders, especially when they're making their webs.

[i-am-loco]

so. watched an anime that I've heard of for a few years now (or ig anime movie series, since that's what I watched, but the movies are essentially the entire show combined). Puella Magi Madoka Magica.

Be warned, this may have a t o n of grammatical errors, and may not be super well-formulated, but here we go. My rating: 3/10 stars

What I liked: I rather enjoyed some concepts and characters, and the whole sorta art style with the anime was intriguing. It took getting used to, but I quite like the idea of the witch labyrinths, with their usage of a sorta collage-esque style with lots of colors and textures.  At the beginning, I felt some sort of connection to a handful of characters (namely Madoka herself, as well as Sayaka and other characters I can not remember the names of as I write this). I liked the dynamic some characters had with each other, the dynamic Madoka had with her family was quite sweet. But now, its time for what I'm here to talk the most about; What I didn't like: Hoooo boy is there a lot to talk about here, so I'm just gonna make a bullet list: -Homura. More specifically, what the plot did to Homura. The way her love of another girl, and her various mental illnesses and need for a happier life were essentially her downfall, showing her literally becoming a demon because of this is...disturbing. This young girl, essentially a middle school child, was turned into a demon because...she fell in love with another girl (ill get to that whole issue too) and she clearly had some form of PTSD from what she had been through. 

-The outright misogyny. So...so much misogyny. The whole plot hinges on the idea that young girls are not allowed to want things ever or else they're selfish or cruel. More than a little disturbing, seeing as how many of these young girls' wishes are essentially “I want to be able to survive” or “I want to save/protect my loved ones”. Y'know, just some “selfish” things. Also how the main plot is literally about shitting on and beating up young girls.

-The lesbophobia. The fact that the love one girl has for another girl is shown as obsessive and outright demonic is absolutely disturbing, and absolutely disgusting. Especially since when a girl liked a boy, it may have been shown to be a bit unhealthy in some ways, but never to the level that one girls love for another girl was.

-The implications of what it actually means to become a “magical girl”. The idea that becoming a magical girl can essentially be a metaphor for things such as child sex trafficking while simultaneously showing that these young girls will become monsters/”witches” one day no matter what is. disturbing as all hell. The fact that the “bad guys” are shown to be these same young girls after being so broken, so hurt by society, being told they'll never be able to be a human being ever again with no true in-canon idea to challenge that message is disgusting.

-The fact that the plot had seemed to end on a note that would have made sense (Madoka changing everything so that “witches” and “magical girls” are on good-terms or w/e), but then they decided to rip that shit out right from underneath their feet and be like “You thought that was the end? Nope! They're all fucked and will continue to be demonized and tortured til the end of time! :)”. fuck that shit.

-The inconsistencies. Some characters one moment can be shown as these competent and level-headed people but the next literally just stare stupidly at this monster about to kill them (Yes I'm talking about the stupid scene with Mami and charlotte), all because the plot was like “Oh you aren't important anymore”. Also the fact that some characters can hate each other's guts but one second later one dies for the other. There's more, but my brain has stopped formulating cohesive sentences.

Final Thoughts: I really wanted to like PMMM, I knew it was going to have issues going in, but coming out I realized there's so, so many issues that are rarely addressed. Things happen in the story purely because the creator wants them to, even if it makes absolutely no sense.

[bredsticon-blog]

title: the alternative

part: one (saint or sinner)

desc: you have died. you weren't an extraordinary person when you were alive--you made a few little sins and a few little good deeds, but it's not enough to land you in heaven nor hell. so the reaper gives you two choices: be in limbo forever, or serve equal years in heaven and hell. well, you choose the latter...

tags: angel!nick & demon!zion love triangle (or not? wink), heaven and hell au (yes ik purgatory exists but it has different purposes for this series), ooc (on purpose, i swear), sfw (as in, no smut), gore, violence (i mean, you're in hell...), cussing, murder, mentions of: rape, abuse, addiction (alcohol, LSD, heroin, uhh everything else), mental issues (depression, suicide), and death in general. gender/sex neutral reader (as always) and humor to lighten the mood

word count: 2k

notes: it isn't nearly as scary as the tags make it seem, i promise. i spent a l o n g time on the promo art for this (which imma post LATER) so uhh please read :'( haha yes i WILL finish writing the fma!austin fic and make the part 2 for ¡quake! & ~the wave~ but my ass is still collecting gifs and cleaning up plot holes sksksk and on the 2.76% chance the boys read this: hi follow me im @/bredsticon on ig, i make quality content and be more active on tumblr please we love you

You don't remember dying.

You're dead, and you don't remember dying.

Perhaps, in another life, you once thought that death accompanied a special feeling: life flashing before your eyes, lights out, everything over before your last breath escapes your lungs. But this is... this is slow. So slow. You're still on earth. Floating.. somewhere. Nowhere else. You see the world, all of it. Stars twinkle in the mist. The world around you is gray and dark. You watch your home fall apart. Every crack and shake is in full detail, and, dimly, you watch the sprouting of vines and weeds in its place. The weeds brush heads as they cluster your old house, your old neighborhood, your old country, your old everything.

You're old.

Breathless doesn't begin to describe it. You don't have lungs. You don't have... you don't. You just don't. You are nowhere. You are nothing. You don't exist.

Someone waves inside of you.

What the—

"Hello, Soul One-Hundred Thirty-Three Billion, Seventy-Five Million and Sixty-Five. You're late."

An NYC accent? You're from—

"Now that's a mouthful. I'll just call you Rosebud. See, you were supposed to cross over..." A watch ticks inside your... your form? You? "...millennia ago. Five millennia, in fact."

The voice throws a powder on you. Something blooms inside you, and you fall to the ground.

You gasp—holy shit, you can gasp. You move your head around. Ohmygodohmygodohmygod, you have muscles, you have form, you can move. You exist.

The voice has a form, too. He looks like you: human. Flaming blue hair, khaki-colored skin with reddish-pink polka dots and marks. He wears modern clothes: a bright yellow vest and green pants. And glowing. He's like a painting. Human, kinda.

You gape at him. This doesn't exist. This can't exist. You thought you'd be nothing forever. But now you're something and that's something and the world around you is still murky but it's something and oh my God. Oh my fucking God. What happened to you? What happened to your home? Why aren't you dead?

The form smiles at you. "Be careful with mentioning the Master Creator so much. They're listening, y'know. They can tell when you're talking about Them."

He offers you a hand. Shaking, you take it. You wobble so hard you grab his shoulder, and he pats your wrist.

"Relax, Rosebud, we're gonna go up now. Take my hands." Gently, he takes your hand off his shoulder and interlocks your fingers together. You close your eyes as he pulls you close.

Once you open them, you're no longer on Earth.

You're in an office.

Vaguely relaxing piano music plays in the background. The walls gleam "eggshell white" (whatever that means), and copy-and-paste potted plants commiserate in corners, on shelves, and on top of desks. Rows and rows of cubicles line up in front of you, complete with ancient computers, loud clicking, and early morning groans of "I need more coffee, for fu- fun's sake!" A vending machine and a water cooler stand behind you, with banged-up tables interspersed between those.

Someone rises out of a cubicle. His skin is pale, but his hair is dark. "Reaper Honoret Jr.! Is that—oh my goodness, is that the stray? You did it! It took a few millennia, but you did it!"

Honoret Jr. grimaces. "My bad, Dad. The soul blended in so well, it took me a while... my readings showed complete neutrality. It's like there's no one there." The reaper looked back at you. "I only caught a flicker. Right now, I can't—"

His dad chuckles. "Not Dad. It's Reaper Honoret Sr. to you." He winks. "I'm kidding, y'know how they get around here."

He comes forward and wraps his arms around the boy, then unlatches. Without Honoret Jr's support, you fall to the ground, so you watch as he holds his son's shoulders. "Your bad? What do you mean? I'm proud of you. So, so proud. You're the only one who could even—actually, wait."

He turns to face the cubicles. "Reapers of Thanatos & Co., guess who just caught the stray!"

The clicking stops.

Someone coughs. "You're joking, right?"

"Absolutely not. In fact, it's behind me, right now."

Chairs scoot on scratchy carpet as the reapers of Thanatos & Co. nearly jump out of their cubicles to see you. Forty reapers dressed in some manner of business attire speed walk in your direction. One pushes Honoret Jr. out of the way—his dad has to catch him before he falls on his face.

When they see you, they stop. They start staring at the air around you. They sniff like blood hounds.

After a pause, a reaper with large eyebrows turns to another, eyes wide. "I think... I can't... I literally..."

The other nods. "Same here. Reaper Honoret Sr. isn't lying."

The crowd murmurs in agreement.

A reaper with short pink hair raises his hand. When no one calls on him, he puts it down and mutters something about being new. "Wait, if Reaper Honoret Sr. found the stray, shouldn't we tell the Grand Reaper about it first?"

Once more, the crowd murmurs in agreement.

The eyebrow reaper stares at you—no, not at you. Into you. Like you're not even there. "Before that, we need to know who found it. Reaper Honoret Sr., did you find it? We need someone to congratulate."

He grins. "Nope! My son did." He shook his boy's shoulders.

The reaper raises a brow, then gives the blue-haired reaper a look. "Oh. Well, uhm, congratulations."

The crowd weakly claps. Good job... mhm... congratulations, Junior... and then they disperse back into their leather spin chairs.

Honoret Jr. turns to you and makes a face. "Sorry about that. Office drama. Can't escape it, even in this world."

He doesn't look like a reaper to you. No black cloak, no creepy aura, no skeleton fingers. Kind, colorful, couldn't be a reaper. Nope. Impossible. None of this is.

"You're not believing a lot of things, I know. The first few days are the hardest." He gifts you with another smile. "You'll get there, I promise. I'm here to help.

"Name's Edwin, by the way. You've been calling me Honoret Jr. and that just gives me middle school flashbacks. No thanks."

You can't even make a proper facial expression to react to that. You can't formulate words—or even walk without Edwin holding your hand. He's reading your thoughts, at least. You're basically a vegetable.

He shrugs. "Give it a few hours, Rosebud. The vegetable'll wear off. Your body's just adjusting to this plane. No shame."

You can't speak, so you just think of the word: thanks. My name is—

"Oh, I know what your name is. I've been searching for you for five millennia. I'd be a horrible reaper if I didn't know."

He extends a hand. "Speaking of vegetable and horrible reaper, I bet you're hungry. You're also naked. Let's fix that."

-

Reapers need to eat, surprisingly. Edwin leads you through a myriad of hallways with the exact same paintings and potted plants (this is disgustingly easy to get lost in, you think. Edwin agrees) until you reach the break room. It takes you an hour.

No one's in there except you two. Edwin gave you some of his clothes (kept in another room), so you're wearing a red fit with a black vest and a lime green beanie. He tried to offer his matching ski mask, but you managed to mentally shout "No!" before he put it away. You don't mind wearing his stuff, but you wonder what that could imply. Do reapers...? Actually, you don't wanna think about that.

The break room curves up into a sparkling, plastic chandelier. The rest of the room accommodates a fridge plastered in posters, a microwave, and a dirty coffee maker paired with beige countertops. A pile of paper plates and utensils decorates the left countertop, while a sink occupies the right end. Island tables take up the rest of the center, leaving room for vending machines in the back.

Edwin scrunches his nose. "Who's bummy ass forgot to wash the coffee pot? Ew." He examines it, then starts washing the dishes.

He looks back at you. "You can go raid the fridge. Just don't touch the lunch boxes or uh—bento boxes, I think. Those are Reaper Porter's, and he will get very mad if you touch his bento. I did that once, so he threw a fork at me then said I messed with his feng shui."

Edwin mutters something about unseasoned chicken as he continues scrubbing coffee stains.

You stand up. Your walk is wobbly at best, and you feel like a pile of jello—you're weak in the knees, like jello. But you're getting there. Its better than before. At some point in your hour-long journey to the break room, poor Edwin had to carry you. You felt bad, but at least he's strong. Maybe it's a reaper thing.

You stumble to the fridge. Posters and dates and schedules cover the surface, but you brush past them to find what truly matters: the food.

Reaper office food tastes just as bland as human office food. How sad.

You find that your body works just like it used to. You're hungry, you can feel pain, and you're starting to move. It's like you never died. And now you're in a huge office full of slightly-glowy people who call themselves Reapers and also can't sense you, which is a concept you still don't understand. Or maybe you didn't die? Maybe someone stirred some LSD in your drink? And this is all... a major... acid... trip...

You blink, then pinch yourself. Nope. You're 'swell.

Edwin pulls out a chair. "Now that we're done with the basics, Rosebud, we need to get you registered. You're a bit of a weird case, but you're not too too special. Just uncommon."

He pauses. "Well, actually, you might be a little more special than that. Just a tad."

You give him a look. Something builds in your throat.

"What the fuck?"

He giggles. "Those are your first words on this plane? I—"

"No, seriously. What. The. Fuck." You sound like a cheese grater but you don't care. "I literally have no idea what's going on. I died, I think, then I watched mankind die too as the Earth turned into dandelions, then you went inside of me and threw some pixie dust to make me come back again, suddenly I'm in a 90s sitcom office and I'm naked which literally no one told me about until everyone else saw me as bare as the day I was born and—"

Edwin pats your hand. "All right, all right, let it out, let it out. I'll explain everything. It's just really long." He rubs the back of his neck. "And we're kinda on a time crunch here."

"A time crunch. When it took us an hour just to get a snack."

"Yes, a time crunch. We have about two more hours to get you registered before you become tied to this plane. Then you'll have to become a reaper, like me, and you don't wanna become a reaper." He bites deeply into his peanut butter and banana sandwich. "Shit's hard."

"I can't even—"

"Mhm." He says through a mouthful of peanut butter. "I'm rellay sorreh you're goineh frough thif. I geh how you feel. Eferyone dehs."

He swallows. "We all started out alive. No one's been here since the beginning. Except for some of the seraphim, I guess. But the rest of us? We just humans the Master Creator decided to gift. You're not alone in this. I went through the same bullshit as you. I get it."

You bow your head down. Your thoughts are too jumbled to feel actual anger. "Thanks, Edwin."

"You honestly deserve better, but no problem." He stands up and wipes his hands on a napkin. "Imma clean up after myself, so you can get a head start. We do only have two hours." He yanks you out of the chair. Still chewing, you watch as Edwin shoves you out the break room.

"Wait—hold up—wh—I don't know where I'm supposed to—"

He grins. "You will! Your senses will guide you."

"What— more vague shi—" and the door slams.