#And on alex!

[innytoes]

Guardian Angels AU + Criminals AU for Willex please :D

-Alex is a guardian angel, and he's trying to convince his manager to give him harder cases. All he got to do was keep himbos alive. Like that guy who tried to fix his amp in the rain. His soul was sunshine yellow, and glowed. And the run away who nearly ate poison hotdogs, whose soul was a deep blue. He wanted more than himbos, come on, he was ready.

-So his boss gave him a new charge. Who was a criminal. Doing crimes. Like, all the time.

-And when he asked what he was supposed to do with this, his boss just smiled and told him to figure it out.

-So he did. Guardian Angels were supposed to safeguard not just the person physically, but also their soul. He was pretty worried, but when he looked it up in the Soul Room, his criminal's soul was as clean as any of his himbo charges. His soul was a bright, vivid green, like a newly formed leaf. Which was weird. Weren't crimes Bad? Shouldn't his soul be dull and tarnished?

-He talked to some more experienced Angels. Rose cooed and patted his halo, telling him humans were more complicated than that. She told him to look into what exactly Willie was doing.

-So he did. Whenever his alarms weren't blaring because Yellow was trying to befriend a dog about to bite his fingers off or Blue's blood sugar got dangerously low because he'd been writing for hours, he watched Green.

-And he learned that most of his Crimes were just... art. He was making the world more beautiful. Sure, he was trespassing and climbing places he shouldn't and technically defacing property. But Alex could also see the joy it brought others, the hope.

The way that old lady who never got out anymore would look at the bird he'd painted on the side of a building, and smile. The way the little stickers Green would doodle and slap over hateful symbols not only removed some ugliness from the world, but also make people laugh with dumb puns.

-Sure, there were also other crimes. He stole sometimes. But it was only so he could eat. He even shared his meals when he could, often with people younger than him, more vulnerable.

-And okay some of the crimes had to do with harassing those in power but really, Alex had seen the souls of those people. They could use a little chaos.

-Angels didn't have favourites, but Alex found himself watching Green more often than not. Not that he didn't like listening to the music in Blue's soul, or experience the joy of Yellow helping animals at the animal shelter. But something about Green fascinated Alex.

-So he kept cops from bothering Green while he was making the world more beautiful. He made sure to preform some little miracles that meant that maybe that box of stolen food had more in it than it should, so that everyone Green shared it with could have some. He saved Green from getting hit by a car when he was skating in traffic, though he couldn't help but make it a close call, in the hopes that he'd learn skating in traffic was bad.

-Rose was the one who noticed first because of course she did. "I will have your back no matter what, but you be very careful and think very hard about what you're going to do, mijo," she warned, even though Alex was just doing his job. He was doing it better than he ever had, really. He stopped futzing around as much with Blue and Yellow, trying to get them to meet already, which his boss was happy with. (Of course, his boss didn't know it was because he was too busy obsessing over Green.)

-He didn't understand what Rose meant until it was much, much too late. Until he was falling, falling, right into the path of an oncoming skateboard and...

-"Oh man, you dinged my board!"

-"You ran me over!"

-Being human wasn't really what Alex had been expecting. He sometimes missed his wings, and the fact that it was so dark out without his halo. He didn't like having just two eyes. It gave him anxiety, not being able to see the world in five dimensions.

-But he knew Rose was looking out for him, and he knew he was where he was meant to be. Here with Willie. He couldn't see his soul anymore, but he knew it was still as bright and beautiful as ever. Just like Willie himself.

[theriverdraws]

What is this, a crossover episode?

[its-not-a-pen]

Im in the middle of waterless shampooing alex and i cant get over how dumb he looks fhfhfbvf my poor clean rat son

Bonus tiny blep

[batsyvalentine]

CANNON HUMAN FORD?? (PLEASE LIKE THE ORIGINAL BELOW )

Credits ;

if you have time, go check out the list of palestenian fundraisers! Anything counts!!

[reflectivesocks]

H E L L O ????

[freepunchesintheface]

You cannot convince me this isn’t what happened.

[motleyflash]

I AUDIBLY GASPED. GOODNIGHT

[sexypeople-contests-2025]

[prokopetz]

While the Onion buying InfoWars is indeed extremely funny, very few of the posts I've seen commenting on the sale have mentioned that the families of the Sandy Hook victims apparently agreed to voluntarily reduce their lawsuit payout as part of a deal to ensure that the Onion would acquire InfoWars wholesale, rather than having the company broken up and auctioned off piecemeal, as the latter course could potentially have allowed some of those pieces to end up back in the hands of Alex Jones' cronies.

Like, yes, it is in fact very funny that InfoWars is now a wholly owned subsidiary of the Onion, but the real props go out to the Sandy Hook families who saw the opportunity and willingly gave up the additional millions of dollars that could have been realised by stripping InfoWars for parts in order to make that happen.

(EDIT: Fixed a sentence incorrectly suggesting that Clickhole is still affiliated with the Onion – it totally slipped my mind that they'd sold it back in 2020.)

[guilty-pleasures-abound]

I want to KISS the person who made this display, that is AMAZING

[ehlihr]

Artblocked so i doodled alex drawing on the couch

[thecollectibles]

Art by Alex Twin

[eddiegayass]

We're on track for an all timer of a day on twitter dot com

[paintedcrows]

Whenever Bill sees KingOfNJ's fics through Stan's eyes he just thinks they have the same taste in fanfiction (disgusting. unthinkable) continued

[cupcakeshakesnake]

Saw this ridiculous villager kid once