#And learning ahead if you have an idea of what’ll be taught! Helps keep things interesting during the more boring review period and stuff

[bill-ciphers-nightmare-blog]

I'm finally gonna start learning anatomy and biology and I'm jumping straight into the high school (?) curriculum do you have any tips Bill

I'm asking because you Bill seam like a very knowledgeable and trustworthy individual

OH, I AM! STALK PROFESSORS!

[theparaminds]

When taught to young children, music is explained as ‘what emotions feel like’, in it’s simplest form that is all that music is. Yet, Holladay has embraced this idea to the highest degree, whether purposefully or subconsciously, to create some of the most honest and hopeful music around. 

Standing as both a person of colour and as someone who identifies with queer communities, Holladay is not the final puzzle piece ready to complete an existing story. Instead, he survives as a piece uniquely his own, starting his own puzzle to find the answers to questions he and so many others know, yet struggle to understand. 

Music is much more than just sound or vibrations to Holladay; it’s a way of life, it’s healing and above all, it’s freedom in a form that can never be taken away. And in the same vein, Holladay is more than just a musician to those around him; he’s an open book that challenges us to listen and understand others, yet above all, to reflect on ourselves and to become the best possible individuals we can become. 

PM: First question as always, how is your day going?

H: My day is ok, I had something planned but just woke up late. But tomorrow's a new day and I can get back on it. I have just been at home with the homies.

PM: Is that a sort of morning meditation for you all?

H: Actually, Yeah! First, we drink coffee then we all just spiral together

PM: To begin why don't we look at your beginnings as an artist, how do you believe your environment growing up led to you becoming an artist and feeling you needed to express yourself artistically?

H: Music has not always been, but has now become a healing tool. Ever before the music, I make now I was making hip hop and at the time I was perpetrating the same cycles that I was put in, that was machismo culture and indulging in that. At one point I moved away and freed myself and just decided to create music of what I truly feel and wanting to create healing.

PM: Have you found a positivity and personal success in rejecting modern male stereotypes and hyper-masculinity? And what do you find the importance of that is in art and in general life?

H: I’m looking to free myself in every way possible and stepping back from hip-hop and just allowing myself to create based on feelings. But it's really important for all of us, especially us men of color who make music because there is no black and white. We should be able to touch any topic, cry and be able to feel in general.

PM: Through the challenges of being queer and a POC, how did you find yourself working towards self-acceptance and understanding?

H: As of recently its funny to me, the past two weeks I've been getting a lot of people reaching out and telling me how my work makes them comfortable with their queerness or in their own skin. We tell ourselves this is why we do this, and you can become very narcissistic in it, but my end goal is to make music that makes me feel safe and to see other people are feeling that way it boggles my mind yet happy.

PM: As well, while looking at music, how have you felt the groups you represent have been treated in the industry and how could it improve as time goes on?

H: I won't name but some of the people who have been representing the QPOC community have this fetish for white men and It's so easy for us men of color to love someone that doesn't look like us, it's harder to love someone that is a mirror. We need to keep working on loving ourselves and being accepting of how we as a community are and our faults.

PM: How about the indie community specifically? Has it embraced it you and given you a better safe space that's a lot more positive to work in?

H: Yeah I don't have that many homies in the scene, but the ones I do, like Victor, Cuco and Jasper Bones, are all very loving and accepting. When I was making hip-hop, not to say there weren't love filled spaces, but it was to an extent, but now I’m happy and feel like I'm apart of something special.

PM: While you mention them, what’re your thoughts on this rising group of brown artists like Victor and Cuco, and how would you say their and your rise has meant for all of your shared cultures in media?

H: I think it happens a lot in the media where each generation has a group of brown artists come up. There's this marketing tool of ‘the Latin explosion’ and it happens all the time. In the 2000s it was Frankie J, Baby Bash etc. and it makes me uncomfortable, it makes me feel like we always haven't been here and are something new. But with this happening it's being seen as us finally being heard and hopefully it can break the chain of what the media has done to latinx artists.

PM: Almost in a way the difference seems to be a lot more pride and self-love towards the community you guys have come from, have you felt growing up you’ve always been connected to where you come from or did you find you rejected it for a while?

H: For my experiences, I went through a long self-hate phase, I used to be so lost after the 2000s it felt like there was no representation of myself. Whatever I saw I wanted to be, and I wasn't seeing me. Slowly I started reading and becoming educated about becoming myself and why brown is beautiful. I hope I can be that for other kids and make sure real representation that isn't token can speak to others that I once was like.

PM: We talk about healing but you also speak about self-hate. But you're also someone who speaks a lot on mental health in your communities, is this something music has helped you heal through?

H: Of course, releasing music is always after coming to terms with an issue and something I needed to confront. Talking about mental health is so important to me because there's such a stigma around it,  It's something essential and it's something that needs to be a core of dialogue.

PM: How have you felt the communities you are a part of have, especially the POC communities, dealt with the rise in mental health importance and dealt with others being more open on the issue

H: I would like to say it's getting better, and I say that because I'm not around a lot of older brown folks anymore, I’m very much around those in my age range, and we’re all pretty accepting. We’re working towards things and being transparent as much as possible. It feels it's getting better but there’s the outside world I'm not part of, you know? There are still kids being told to not cry, it'll take a long time till we get there.

PM: Who have you found as you’re healing, growing and creating that you are looking up to and learning from as you discover yourself and transverse through challenges

H: The universe, and that can be any higher power, whatever it means to you. It guides me and teaches everything as I go. As well, the people in my space and my managers and the people I work with, all the homies. I feel the universe has given them the message to pass down to me.

PM: Looking ahead, how do you hope to see yourself grow as an artist through the next months and years and how does that growth look for you?

H: I just hope that whatever I’m working on, it'll be beautiful and that's what’ll come out of me. The last song I released, Baby boy, that came from wanting to figure things out and be comfier so the more I go into it, the more I learned myself. I just want to keep creating until it’s habit

PM: Do you have any future work on the horizon? And how does it build on past work?

H: I think since I'm trying to figure out something new every day or any chance I get, every time I do that is when I create but with the same cadence and feeling as before. I do want to put an EP together soon, it's going to sound different but it’s still going to be me.

PM: What to you is the most important lesson to pass down to others who have been through or are going through the same challenges as you?

H: Be patient with yourself and your process, it seems like a long road, feeling like you'll never reach where you want to be, but you just have to trust your process and the universe. Step back from the moment and group yourself when possible. And second, know safe spaces exist and that you're loved and accepted somewhere, trust the world will take you there.

PM: And for a final question, what’s a book everyone reading should pick up?

H: The Malcolm X autobiography, after I read it in high school it just sparked something in me, it didn't stop there because it shows you that change is possible within a person.

PM: Do you have anybody or anything to shout out or promote? The floor is yours.

H: Shout out to my safe space and everyone in it. I love them very much and the past couple months being here has helped me so much, I feel like if I didn't find this space I would probably not be here anymore, honestly, and having a support group is so important, you don't have to be an individual and independent all the time. We are social creatures who feed off each other. We need people. Shoutout to the music homies, Victor, Cuco, Jasper Bones. That’s about it.

Follow Holladay on Instagram and Twitter

Listen on Soundcloud and Spotify

[agirlinjapan]

Red Data Girl: My Longest Day of School (Week 6)

Red Data Girl: My Longest Day of School By Noriko Ogiwara A Translation

Miss the last piece? Read it here!

Check out the RDG Translation twitter!

First off, I posted an extra week of RDG last Sunday so if you didn’t see that, make sure you go back and catch up. :)

It took me forever to find an apartment in my new town but I finally found a good one! I can even have a cat! (Which I definitely will adopt asap.) I get the keys on Tuesday although I won’t officially move in until the 20th or so. Wee! Exciting!

Red Data Girl: My Longest Day of School By Noriko Ogiwara Chapter 1: Groundwork Part 3 (1 of 2)

After the meeting was over, Mayura gathered Miyuki, Izumiko, and her brother, Manatsu to talk. As soon as the three of them were together, she immediately crossed her arms and said, “First off, it’s obvious that the third year’s haunted house has become our biggest problem. The ghosts from the Hachioji Castle ruins must be showing up.”

Miyuki looked thoughtful.

“I have to wonder how bad this is going to get. If the guests keep getting sick, who knows what will happen.”

The Souda siblings stood next to each other in their kuroko outfits. Dressed in the same clothing, they somehow looked indistinguishable but also somehow different. Manatsu’s skin was darker and he was two or three centimeters taller. Their differences as male and female also seemed more noticeable than usual. On the other hand, with the black hoods hiding their hair, the shape of their forehead and straight eyebrows were duplicates of the other’s and the similarity in their expressions was easy to see. They weren’t identical siblings but it was obvious that they had the same genes.

“I’m interested in the fact that only girls have been affected. The trouble in the middle school is happening in the girls’ dorm, too,” Mayura said and gazed appraisingly at Miyuki. “Sagara, what are the chances that you could do an exorcism?”

“I have no idea how to do one,” Miyuki answered uneasily. “It’s not exactly something you do on a normal basis, I can say that much. I don’t even know what I’d be exorcising,”

But then he reconsidered a bit and continued. “If I had to though, I might surprise myself… So, what do you think, Mayura?”

Mayura shrugged.

“I thought an ascetic monk might have a better chance of handling an exorcism. We have something��� well, something like it, too. You know that Masumi absorbed the spirits that had become shikigami… it’s a little different but you could call it exorcism. We haven’t had many opportunities to exorcise anything on our own yet though.”

Mayura and Manatsu turned their gaze to the other two. Izumiko and Miyuki glanced at each other.

Finally, Manatsu said, “…But that’s normal. We’re only high schoolers after all.”

They didn’t have much experience so all they could do was make logical assumptions. They were completely different from the adults who had already learned how to handle spirits.—As she thought about this, Izumiko hesitated and then said,

“I told the middle school students that no ghosts have appeared in the high school girls’ dorm but I just thought of something. Didn’t Masumi show up there before? Maybe ghosts can’t go near places where divine spirits have been.”

Izumiko had a feeling that she would never see a ghost in her dorm room. When she dug into this idea further, the memory of Masumi climbing up the ladder to Mayura’s bed in room 208 rose up in her mind.

“Couldn’t you say that there’s a divine spirit in the high school dorms because Mayura’s there?…”

Mayura broke in quickly.

“If you say that, couldn’t the same be said for you, Izumiko? Isn’t it because you’re in the girls’ dorm?”

“I get it. You could think of it that way.” Miyuki’s voice was a little brighter than before. “Now that you mention it, Masumi’s also been in the boys’ dorm. A divine spirit is such a powerful being that it can probably purify a place by just being there. People who are connected to divine spirits might exorcise the places they go without even knowing it.

“What?” Manatsu said in surprise. “So you’re saying the four of us can’t see any ghosts where we are because of that?”

“We’d have a hard time controlling them because we can’t see them though,” Mayura claimed. “But it feels like we’re being protected. If there’s no room for a ghost to get close to me because I’m someone connected to a divine spirit, I bet I could help the middle schoolers. I want to try going to their dorms with Manatsu but… what would we do?”

Manatsu nodded quickly.

“Let’s go. I want to know what’ll happen too. Plus, I’m going to be one of the high schoolers from the riding club who are participating in the middle school parade.”

Their plan began to come into focus. The best arrangement was for Mayura and Izumiko to trade patrols. In the afternoon, Mayura would head towards the gym. However, she looked worried.

“What about you, Sagara? Is it okay for us to leave you to deal with the haunted house problem all by yourself?”

Miyuki nodded. “I should be able to figure it out somehow. I can’t imagine that any attraction being judged in the school festival’s popularity contest would get so out of hand that it would be dangerous. If I go to the haunted house, I should be able to figure out the root of the problem.”

“I think it would be better if you couldn’t figure it out so easily,” Mayura said.

Miyuki gave her a flash of a smile.

“Do you think I’d go overboard with this? Still, regardless of whether or not I can exorcise the area, I’m pretty confident that the ghosts won’t attach themselves to me.”

This was due to the fact that Wamiya was already possessing him—although he didn’t say that. However, the way he talked and acted showed that there was a reason for his confidence. Mayura seemed to recognize this. Instead of saying something about it though, she turned to Izumiko.

“Please don’t push yourself too hard, Izumiko. But I think you’ll know when you get close to anything dangerous.”

“Right. I’ll be careful,” Izumiko answered, smiling. Seeing as the self-defense charm that Miyuki had taught her worked, she could now protect herself from magic. She could also see the threats against her on her own.  She thought about this.

After finishing their lunch of store bought bread which they ate standing up, the four of them broke into two groups and separated at the open space in front of the main gate. The Souda siblings headed towards the middle school classroom building while Miyuki and Izumiko walked up the hill road in the middle of campus.

The road was bustling with activity and outside visitors that wouldn’t have been seen on a normal day at the academy. It was clear to see that the crowds had increased since noon. When they came to the point of the road where they could see the library on their left and the gym on their right, they found that the area was much more chaotic than they had expected. It showed just how popular the haunted house was. There were also plenty of people walking through the guardians’ bazaar in front of the library.

“Wait in front of the haunted house, Izumiko,” Miyuki said as they walked. His veil was pulled over his face.

“Huh? Why?” she asked.

He gave her a strange look.

“Think about it. It’s too much of a risk for you. Only girls have been negatively affected.”

Izumiko was mostly surprised that he wanted to go in alone.

“But I’ve taken over Mayura’s responsibilities here. Besides, there’s no reason why a booth entered into the popularity contest should be dangerous. Didn’t you say that yourself?”

“That’s just the general consensus. It don’t apply to you. So don’t try anything crazy.”

“But there are probably things in there that only I can see. That means I’d know if there was anything dangerous inside faster than you would. If there was anything dangerous ahead of us, I’d know while we were still a ways away from it. I can get rid of some of the risk at least.”

“That’s our ace,” Miyuki said in a short voice. He turned in the direction they had been heading before. “We still have tomorrow’s game ahead of us. The diviner probably has friends in the third year classes… The chances of that are high but… they just haven’t shown their faces yet.”

“Is tomorrow’s game going to be the showdown?” Izumiko asked, somewhat surprised. “Is that what you’re thinking?”

“The teams for the game will be chosen based on the results of the popularity contest. If there’s a reason for everything Takayanagi’s been doing, the obvious assumption is that he’ll make his move after that. Tomorrow, it’ll be even harder to monitor everyone than it is today. Plus, no one has any idea of what will happen during tomorrow’s game.”

As Miyuki said this, he began walking towards the gym. There was a creepy sign leaning against the outside wall, fueling the spooky atmosphere. “The Hachioji Castle Tragedy” was sprawled across its surface in letters dripping with blood.

There was a line waiting to get in at the entrance to the gym. A student was holding an informational sign that announced where the line ended. Izumiko gazed at the people in interest.

“It’s amazing how popular it is…”

“I’m going to use my special privileges that come with being dressed as a kuroko and jump the line. Maybe you can wait for me.”

Miyuki moved smoothly through the front of the line and into the gym’s lobby. When Izumiko followed behind him, she saw that the walls of the lobby were covered in posters explaining the castle’s history. There were a lot of people looking at them as well. The haunted house was through a hidden door covered with a blackout curtain. Only a few people could enter at a time which only increased the waiting crowd’s expectations of fear.

“Izumiko, wait here in the lobby or at the entrance. If I decide to talk with some of the third years behind the scenes, I might be gone for a bit but it shouldn’t take too long for me to come back.”

Lately, Izumiko hadn’t been able to help but feel like this was the way things were always going to be. She didn’t mind when she thought about it as Miyuki looked out for her but more than that, there was another feeling behind that one and it had grown stronger as of late.

“Can you really say it won’t be dangerous for you? Doesn’t Takayanagi already see both of us as magic users?”

Takayanagi’s declaration that he was “making preparations” worried her. Now he even knew that Miyuki had the ability to break through his spells.

“I bet he’s just glad he doesn’t have to deal with anyone who’s beneath him.”

Izumiko couldn’t see Miyuki’s expression through his veil but she could hear the amusement in his voice. He seemed perfectly fine with the possibility of a fight.

“This is a perfect chance for me to see what I can do with Wamiya possessing me. I want to get a better feel for what it’s like to really know that I can go up against magic users, too.”

He’s really getting carried away with this…

Izumiko wanted to point this out but when she thought about how Wamiya was the goddess’s retainer, she couldn’t bring herself to say her current thoughts in front of him. There was desperation somewhere in his tone as he told her what he wanted to try and it surprised her.

When Miyuki finished speaking, he gave her a wave and headed towards the entrance to the haunted house. He had a quick exchange with the third years working at the entrance and then slipped behind the blackout curtain.

I never thought I’d want to see what a haunted house is like… Izumiko thought, sighing.

Still, somehow she knew thinking that was selfish of her.

Even though Miyuki was trained as an ascetic monk, he still wasn’t someone who dealt with spirits too often. Izumiko didn’t know what kind of agreement he had with Wamiya but it worried her. Even she didn’t know what to do with the goddess who possessed her bloodline. However, when it came to things happening out of no where, Miyuki probably had more experience. She guessed he was more anxious than he looked.

I’m probably the one who makes him feel like that…

Izumiko questioned herself about this, her emotions heavy in her chest. She couldn’t help but wonder if there was a way she and Miyuki could be happier together.

According to the third years working there, the haunted house had been popular with the students since its preparations had begun. Izumiko heard a little bit about the attraction through listening to what was being said around her.

The floor of the gym had been partitioned off with black paneling, creating a maze that was not easy to get out of. One only had to glance inside the blackout curtain’s opening to see how dark it was inside. The point of the haunted house was that while visitors walked around, searching for the exit, they would encounter surprise attacks where people tried to scare them.

Loud, female screams occasionally escaped from the maze. However, enthusiastic screams could also be heard. The people waiting in line stirred excitedly as they heard them, their anticipation rising.

Unlike the other people though, Izumiko was not in a state of mind to wait calmly. In an attempt to conceal her feelings even the slightest bit, Izumiko tried reading the posters in the lobby.

The explanations on the wall gave the facts surrounding the fall of Hachioji Castle, something Izumiko was very familiar with now. At the end of the Warring States era, Hachioji Castle, Odawara Castle’s secondary stronghold, had been attacked by Hideyoshi Toyatomi’s army. It was said that he made an example of the causalities during the siege. A large number of people such as farmers and the women working in the castle’s manor had been killed.    

After the enemy’s army had set the manor on fire and the women working there had lost any way of escape, they had stabbed themselves and each other with short swords and then thrown themselves into the pool at the bottom of the garden’s waterfall. One could only wonder what sort of emotions had run through that place during the tragedy.    

Although Izumiko’s eyes rested on the words in front of her, her thoughts were more on Miyuki than the women’s misfortune. No one could say that Miyuki was happy either, she thought with a start.

He’s got an intense personality but that’s how he was raised. His mother left when he was really young…

His father, Yukimasa had gotten divorced when Miyuki was in elementary school. They had only had each other as a single father and an only child but Yukimasa had barely been there as Miyuki had grown up. For one, no matter how one looked at him, Yukimasa was not a father-like person at all. His appearance made him look more like Miyuki’s older brother. Even with his actual age in mind, he was still barely old enough to have a high school aged child.

Izumiko supposed that with a life like his, it had been necessary for Miyuki to become a person who could deal with anything on his own. He could interact flawlessly with the world around him but in reality, his heart was closed to everything. He had not come from a life where he had been treated kindly, softly, or carefully by other people.

I know that’s why he’s so impatient with me. I was raised in the exact opposite way he was. People were too careful with me and they made me think that I couldn’t do anything up until now. But…

Izumiko didn’t think that she, having been raised the opposite way as him, had been happy either. Although a person possessed by the goddess was well taken care of, they lived an extremely isolated life. After all, their lives were rather different from other people’s. Izumiko had her family and people who were devoted to her but they were all so far removed from her.

Izumiko had wished for someone, even just one person, to be closer to her. Possibly, this wish had taken a spirit from Tamakura Mountain and created Satoru Wamiya.

Due to the time it would have taken to read everything and the amount she was fidgeting, Izumiko gave up reading the posters’ small words. Just as she was about to put her veil back over her face, she heard a voice.

“Oh, wait! Wait, Izumiko!”

It was a boy’s voice. Izumiko paused and turned around but she didn’t recognize the face in front of her at all. Judging from the samurai style hakama he was wearing, he was probably a second year student.

“Um, is it okay if I take a picture? It’s so that I can remember today.” He held up a cellphone for her to see.

…I guess everyone likes the kuroko.  

They had been told to be accommodating towards the normal guests but nothing had been said about whether or not this applied to the students as well. Izumiko considered this.

The boy in front of her seemed to sense her doubt.    

“Oh, no. This isn’t for me… There happens to be a few fans of yours in my class.”

Two boys dressed the same as he was came up behind him, snickering.

“What are you making excuses for? Be a man!”

Izumiko took a step back but the jeering boys only continued with their rude behavior.

“Do me a favor and take a picture with these guys. Oh, and take off that hood.”

“Why?” Izumiko did her best to stay firm.

“Aw, don’t be like that. There’s been some super rare information going around about you since this morning.”

Their words made her eyes grow wide. One of the boys raised his cellphone and showed her.

“See, look.”

Just as their words had suggested, someone had taken a picture of her with her hair in its buns and colorful hair ties.

It must have been taken without her knowledge while she had been working at Class 1-C’s food stand. Someone had even written the unnecessary comment “super rare” under the photo.

“Who took this picture?...”

Seeing the color drain from her face, one of the second year boys said uncomfortably, “Oh, you didn’t know about it? Your picture’s been going around online a lot lately.”

“That’s right. That picture of Princess Mayura and another princess.”

“Today’s rare photo of you has definitely joined it,” one of the other second year boys pointed out.

All of the boys laughed. The first boy who had spoken laughed weakly, possibly embarrassed by the others who were speaking so seriously about the topic.

“You don’t have to take a picture with us. We were just hoping for your photo. We weren’t planning to ask you out or anything. But… if you were willing to consider that, that would be even better though.”

Izumiko opened and closed her mouth but no words came out. Desperately, she looked left and right around her. All she could think about already was escaping this place.

“…I have a job to do for the student government. Excuse me,” she said, words finally coming to her. But of course, the boys did get her meaning.

“We can hang out after you’re done. We’ll come with you.”

“Will you give us directions around the campus, too? That’s what the kurokos are supposed to do, right?”

“No, I’ve got patrol duty. In there.”

It seemed like going into the haunted house was the only way to shake off the second years. Miyuki had been able to go inside without waiting in line so she would be able to as well. Before she could give herself any time to think over what she was doing, Izumiko nodded towards the third years in charge of the maze’s entrance and escaped into the darkness of the haunted house.

Keep reading!