#And it started raining hard just as I'm typing the notes wow

[kizuna-the-randomix]

I'm feeling a bit-- something so I guess I gotta let some thoughts out a bit

Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever smile at someone the way I smile at reading a good story. I wonder if I'll ever look at someone with so much fondness, with so much love like when I look at the title of my favorite fanfic. Sometimes I wonder if I can ever feel for someone the same way I feel for the things I love.

The things I love are easy to love because they don't expect anything from me. If I leave a story it would probably still be there. I don't expect it to miss me or think about me or ask me where I've been and why I haven't been meeting up with them lately. The stories I love, the hobbies I love-- none of them care about me or what I have and haven't done and that makes it so easy for me to fall in love with them.

People... they're harder to care about, harder to love. They expect things from you but they never spit it out, expecting you to already know what they want. They hurt you in ways you didn't think you'd get hurt by. They'll bring you up one moment and the next they're the one that dropped you down. You try to be honest and maybe you'll be faced with judgement or maybe you won't. You try to be true to yourself and maybe they accept you or maybe they don't. They make you choose. They don't give you a choice.

It's easier to love what doesn't expect from you than to love someone that does. Maybe that's why I love to read stories, to listen to music, to paint or even to just go out and look outside. They don't care about me, they don't love me, they don't know me but I know them and love them and care about them and that's enough with me.

It's hard when people expect from you, when they know the bits of you you decide to show, when they love you. You don't know if you'll ever live up of achieve their expectations. You don't know if they'll accept the whole of you. You don't know if you'll ever be able to reciprocate the love they give or if you're even worthy in receiving that love. You-- I don't know and that makes it hard-- and the unknowness of it scares me. It scares me but I want it sometimes.

I don't think I want to be loved the same way I love the things I like or the things that I do-- maybe I do or maybe I don't. I'd like someone to give my story a read. To be baffled or mad at what I did at first but read on further to actually see the reason why I did it. I want someone to listen to my song-- not just the words it says but also the melody I played.

I think I know how to love a story, a concept, but I don't think I know how to love a person. Maybe one day, just not today most likely.

[hestella]

Hannibal Lector x reader: A new face part. 2

A/N: Someone teach Tumblr to me. It's too complicated. I'm not done watching Hannibal cause it's too hard to watch and I'm not smart enough!

Warning: Blind reader, depiction of violence, sexual violence, cannibalism, well it's Hannibal, A lot of mistakes, etc, etc.

Part 1

“Humans have constantly, somehow, throughout the entire history, made some being, or even beings, that were superior than themselves and called them God. The existence of a ultimate power has been created in all known civilizations that sustained long enough to have a written language, and for even those we don’t know had a language, we assume, that there was some type of god within their society, only they couldn’t afford writing it down.” 

Y/N’s voice echoed around the lecture hall. She was wearing a classy, somewhat antique 3-piece suit that had a dark blue color, which went well with her leather shoes too. 

Hannibal sat in the corner, watching and listening to her lecture. He didn’t see himself as much as a philosophical guy, but to be honest it was quite interesting. Her aura and her appearances made it more interesting, more mysterious along with the fact that she was lecturing about philosophy.

His thoughts were similar to others. Other students seemed to be fascinated by the subject. There seemed to be students of all backgrounds, one wearing a lab coat, one who looked like an art major, he even saw some older people who looked like other professors too.

She did not walk around the room like Will. She stood still in a podium, not even using a slideshow to teach. 

“but then, how, one might wonder, and why, could all these pre-historic people collectively think to make ‘god’? Perhaps, it has something to do with evolutionary theory?” She paused. “Any guesses?”

A few students raised their hands, but Hannibal internally tilted his head, how could she possibly see who raised their hands?

“..wow, nobody? I must be blind,” she made a joke, causing the students to laugh. “Don’t be afraid to speak out, please, I may not be able to see, but my hearing’s fine.”

“Apologies, professor. I..I think the essential part of that question is whether or not the pre-historic people knew what they were making was a real God. It may have started from scratch, like, you know, the things adults tell children to explain natural disasters and so.” A student, a bright girl, said. 

“Great. And your name is?”

“Marissa Schurr, professor.” She answered.

“Marissa, do you have any personal beliefs? I’m not asking about religion, just anything.” Y/N looked towards Marissa, her white eyes staring at her. 

“..I..I don’t know, professor, well I’m an atheist, but probably,” 

Y/N smiled faintly. “I understand. Who believes the ‘3 second rule’ here? Or even, who believes the number 13 as unfortunate or, related to death? 7 as the lucky number?” She asked the whole. 

The vast majority of the people whispered among themselves and nodded, few raised their hands.

“I assume most of you guys do believe those. None of those ‘beliefs’ I mentioned are true, we know that, but why do we believe in it?” She paused once more. 

“It’s because us, as humans, and other intellectual animals, find comfort in things that make sense. Myths can be seen as complete lies, but they are logical, sometimes because the majority of the people say it’s logical. For example, the number 13 was the amount of people that had the last supper with Jesus Christ the night he was betrayed, according to the Bible. That is why we think 13 as bad, or unlucky.” The students nodded and jotted down notes as she spoke.

“If I were to say, the reason why it rains is because someone living in the sky cries, and the rain is their tears falling, most of you will obviously, not believe me. But, if you were primitives, and knew nothing about how rain falls, you would have believed me, and the person in the sky would be your God.” 

“Would it, though, professor? I mean, just because you’re a primitive doesn’t mean you’re stupid, or dumb,” another student pointed out. 

She smiled. “To be honest, we don’t know. Why? Because we’re not primitives. We can’t unlearn what we learned. So, I’ll give you a project to find this out. Everyone take notes on this.” 

Everyone shuffled to get their papers. 

“Find a young human, a child, or someone, that doesn’t know how it rains, and also an atheist. Explain and persuade them that it rains because of some other reason, involving a deity of some form, and tell me how it goes. I’ll cold call anyone, so be prepared.” 

She held her hands together. “And that’s the end, ladies, gentlemen, and everyone else in the middle, see you next time.” 

All the students stood up, thanking her. She nodded and waved everyone good bye, reaching for her white cane, which was folded inside the podium. 

Hannibal waited until everyone was out, and headed towards her, purposefully making little noise. 

“That was an impressive lecture, Ms. Y/L/N, or should I say professor?” He suddenly spoke. 

“Dr. Lector! I felt someone familiar,” she looked towards him, a light chuckle coming out.

“How did you know it was me?” Hannibal asked. 

“It’s hard to forget a charming yet profound voice like yours, doctor,” she gave him a smile.

“Ah, you flatter me, Ms.Y/L/N.“ Hannibal’s eyebrows were raised at the unexpected compliment.

“What do I have the pleasure of hearing it again? Another case?” She asked, packing her simple bag.

“Not quite. Agent Crawford wants me to evaluate you too. Take a close eye.” Hannibal said, everything not entirely truths, but also not a lie.

“Ah. Crawford.” She muttered as she held her white cane. 

“I wish that’s okay with you?” Hannibal asked. 

“..Agent Crawford seems quite desperate for my help,” she muttered. “..don’t you think? I’m just not sure if I can be that much of help, despite having you analyze me,”

“You don’t think you’re worth a eval?”

“I don’t think I’m worthy to use taxes, to be exact. The payment is from the FBI, no? Funding of the FBI is from taxes…” she tapped her walking cane as she got off the podium. 

“You’ve done plenty, maybe more than plenty for the FBI in return, Ms. Y/L/N. And not every fund from the government necessarily comes with a return, either.” Hannibal followed her from a respectable distance. 

“Will, maybe. Me? I don’t think so.” she chuckled lightly. “It’s somewhat unethical, you know, wasting money. Especially the money collected by the government, from the people of this country…” 

Hannibal listened to this elongated philosophical rant, about the duties of a democratic country. She was more talking to herself rather than talking to him, not letting him get the upper hand of the conversation. 

Autism? His mind thought of it. But she didn’t seem to have trouble communicating. ADHD? maybe. 

Or, she just was ranting unrelated stuff to avoid him analyzing, not knowing he just did.

She tapped her cane to began to leave the lecture hall, except that there was a slight height difference between the podium and the floor, causing her to stumble. 

Hannibal rushed over and gently placed his hands on her arms to steady her. 

“Careful.” He said. 

“Thank you, what is it?” She asked, feeling the floor with her feet. 

“There’s a step down between the carpet floor and the podium.” 

“..there wasn’t one on the other side,” she muttered, slowly stepping down. 

“Yes, there wasn’t. Must’ve been a mistake,” Hannibal confirmed. 

“…well, thank you again. But I have another lecture to give today, unfortunately,” she said facing Hannibal. 

“No worries. I’ll book your session whenever you’re comfortable, Ms. Y/L/N.” 

=-=

“Wildlife hunters tend to hunt within a narrow limt. They don’t hunt the younger ones, or their parents, they don’t use extensive traps to find them, and they don’t kill endagered species. If they do, they tend to honor their bodies, at least to pay for the nature’s lose and its effects.” She told to the people performing autopsy on Cassie Boyle. 

“Since when did you become a wildlife expert?” Beverly Katz asked. 

“Last night,” Y/N shrugged. “The point is that this isn’t what the Shrike would have done to his victims. This is simply disgrace. He even put the last victim’s body back as an apology. That man would take the girl’s lungs while alive and stick her body to deer antlers? I don’t think so.”

Will nodded, satisfied that she was able to back up his point. 

“Then who do you suggest did this?” Jack asked. 

“Why are you so afraid of admitting there’s a copycat?” She asked. 

There was silence. The people who knew Jack felt their own hair stand up at her question, sensing some sort of nervousness.

“Oh, I’m not afraid, it’s just that there’s 2 killers out there instead of one!” Jack replied with heavy sarcasm.

“The copycat won’t kill another like this one. It’s a…one-time thing.” She answered. 

“And how do you know that, exactly?” Jack asked, clearly annoyed. 

“If the copycat wanted to kill to confuse the FBI into thinking there was only one killer, they would have done it already. But it’s too different, and they know it.” She replied calmly. 

“Why would they do that?” 

“…curiosity,” she replied. 

“A dare,” Will answered. 

“Hold on, you two are telling me that the copycat killed a person just to try it out?” Jack looked at them both weird. 

“..that’s what I think,” she muttered. “The timing’s strange. It’s right after the case was posted on tattlecrime, the copycat might have been interested.” She shrugged. 

=-=-

It was very early in the morning when she heard a ring on her door. 

She spent the night with Will at the motel in Minnesota, and she had to go back to Baltimore to continue her job. She just had the time to change and sleep a few hours before having to wake up and go give a lecture again. 

She stirred awake, not entirely sure if the doorbell was her imagination or not. 

But the bell kept ringing, so she reluctantly got up from the couch and grabbed her robe from where she remembered she had put. She leaned on the door. “..who is it?” She asked in a quiet voice.

“Y/N? It’s Hannibal.” 

At first she thought of who this ‘Hannibal’ was, then she realized and quickly opened the door. The scent of the morning dew and a faint smell of raw meat was the first thing she felt. 

“..is, is it not,” she touched her wrist braille clock to check the time. “..4 in the morning?” She asked, confused. 

“It is, Ms.Y/N. I came with breakfast. Thought it would be a good way to start.” 

She was still processing. “..okay, come in,” her mouth moved, however.

He stepped in, looking around. Her house was clean, nothing on the ground or visual accessories. 

“…why, um, why did you come here, again?” she asked, still sumbfounded. 

“I brought you breakfast, a little ‘get together’ time. I cooked it myself.” 

“You cook?” she muttered and hurried to turned on the kitchen lights and get out forks and knives. 

Hannibal comfortably sat on one side of the island table, taking out the things he brought. “I take extra caution on what I put in my body. A simple salad, with eggs and roasted salmon to cover the protein.” 

“..oh, actually, um..” she hesitated to say. “..I’m quite strictly vegan, so I don’t think I can eat it,” she said. “…I’m truely sorry,” 

“Are you know? That’s unfortunate. Luckly, I’ve made a simple vegan Ceasar salad too,” Hannibal took out another container and gave it to her. 

She looked surprised but got the container anyways, her nature being unable to refuse. “o,oh?” she studdered. 

In reality, it was Hannibal’s plan to test her. He wanted to see if she was really vegan, and how strictly she was vegan, acting like he didn’t know her appetite at all. The ceaser salad wasn’t even vegan, it had anchoive, well, which she didn’t have to know that.

“Please, feel free to eat it,” Hannibal insisted, not giving her time to refuse. 

She reached for her fork and hesitantly started to eat it. “…it..it’s good. Delicious,” she admitted. 

“My pleasure,” Hannibal said. “..forgive me for my curiousity, but do you cook? And if so, is there anything different, considering that you’re visually impaired?” 

“I don’t really cook, not really. If I used to cook before…before I went blind, I probably would have continued, but…I just never found food to be that worthy of spending my time.” She replied. 

“Ah. Do you drink, then?” Hannibal asked, planning what kind of wine he should give her in case he wanted to invite her to a dinner party.

“uh, I drink water, that’s all. Not really…alcohol,” she replied. 

There was silence, and then a laughter. 

“Sorry, I just…I’m so sorry.” She laughed, eating the salad. 

“Don’t be, it’s not like all people drink,” Hannibal didn’t smile, but Y/N, who could only hear his voice, assumed he was smiling. 

“I do have wine, and some whiskey, I think, if you want them.” she cleared her throat. 

“Why do you have wine if you don’t drink?” Hannibal asked. 

“Well, I get gifts, even though I tell them I don’t need them at all,” she muttered, standing up and heading towards a wine celler. 

“Really? They send you wine gifts?” Hannibal asked, while he took out a vile of GHB from his pocket and covered the sound of it unscrewing with the sound of him clearing his throat. 

“Yeah, I guess it’s what they can give to me without getting awkward, you know?” She chuckled. 

He made a chuckling sound, but his face was still. He reached over to her salad and spread the clear GHB equally on it, before she returned with a wine bottle. 

“Do you know what this is? That’s the newest one, I believe.” She said, handing him the wine.

“A Chianti, italian wine, One of the best. I’m surprised you have it,” he looked at it, observed with quite genuine amazement. 

“Is it? Oh well, that’s my gift for this amazing salad,” she smiled and sat back down.

Hannibal stared intently at her, seeing her every movements when eating the salad with the extra ingredient he just put, GHB. He couldn’t help a smile creep up his lips as he saw she ate, her plate getting empty each second. Sep.24 edit: Asperger’s —> ADHD

Tag list:

@wolfgirl-205

(the urge to just write non-plot smut.....is the way I know I'm ovulating)

[offtotheiceberg]

how do you get all ur inspo u write so good I’m jealous

tyyy 🥹🥹 I rlly appreciate it ur too sweet <333

Uhhh hard question but a good one!! I have SO MANY answers mate I hope u don't mind a list :D

I'm a very emotion-oriented writer so I tend to be the most inspired when I'm feeling what the character is feeling so I do what I can to get there - like if my character is uneasy or anxious I'll literally turn the aircon to freezing and sit in the dark to write the scene for example. Super weird but don't knock it till u try it!

I have my go-to inspo literature!! Everyone's different, but find a piece (or pieces) of media that you're just like WOW humans are amazing yk? For me that's literally anything by Hayao Miyazaki, uhh some Disney movies that make me cry, Virginia Woolf, Richard Siken, Silvia Plath, T.S.Elliot, this one Russian book called Egg and Spoon... it's whatever! Keep tabs open while u write it helps sooo much!

HAVE A NOTE OPEN!! This is a big one. Have a note in ur notes app dedicated to random lines of inspiration, that way if u think of something/see something/hear something when you're out and about u can type it down and save it for later! Funny lines my friends say in conversation, a stupid nickname one of my siblings called me, a line I randomly thought of on the bus - everything ends up there.

For setting, make sure to take the time to imagine the place! For example the forest in ahgtdd, I'd make sure I had the most vivid mental image of the roots, the moss, the lichen, the trees, the light, the rain, and only then would I start writing. I don't really like looking at pictures for that kind of stuff but if it helps u then do it!!

Yeah I think that's all I got for now I hope this helps!!! Happy writing 🌻🌻🌻

[unolvrs]

hey, uno! hope you're doing great! i seriously enjoyed the latest updates (especially the rewritten version of zenin mikoto's story, i've been waiting for so long for that story to update and seeing the link makes me giddy!)

if you don't mind, i'd like to ask; how do you usually come up with the titles for your books? personally for me as a writer, i think one of the hardest part is coming up with a decent title for my works. so i'm wondering how do you decide on yours?

thank youuu! i love mikoto and i've had an ending for her story since i posted the first chapter tbh. buuuut okay, okay, let's move on to the question!

how do i come up with titles?

note: this is a how do i come up with a title, not really much of a tip-thing, but if you find this helpful, then go ahead :D also, i’m pretty sure ya’ll are asking for a short answer but i like to be thorough, and i can be talkative so hahaha

frog in a well, rain on my parade, kill the goose, and abalone on the shore

all of these titles are based off of idioms

frog in a well represents fushiguro and kugisaki’s refusal to come out of the ‘well’ and thus, relentlessly judges the hero society despite not really trying to understand them; the idiom ‘a frog in a well knows nothing of the great sea’ is basically the best way to describe their situation

rain on my parade comes from ‘don’t rain on my parade’ which is literally ‘to not spoil someone’s pleasure’, and rain is all about ‘spoiling’ kugisaki’s identity; kugisaki treats everything in the naruto world as something that will eat her alive / everything’s out to get her

abalone on the shore represents unrequited love

kill the goose (now, for this, just let me finish froggie, and i’ll throw myself to this fic, swear) is from the idiom ‘kill the goose that lays the golden egg’ means ‘to get rid of something that is profitable to you’, except this one is more complex? i didn’t choose to add the ‘golden egg’ for a reason. aki getting rid of ‘the golden egg’ is aki getting rid of makima who he thought was the source of his ticket to the gun devil, etc etc.

so in summary: these types of titles are just idioms that reflect the story :D it’s really fun to grab some idioms here and there because not only do they immediately seem poetic, but they also add a layer of meaning and anticipation to the story! 

the bell of mīdera, begonia begonia, sunday without god, today i too, good thoughts good words good deeds

the bell of mīdera is based off a folktale depicted in the fic itself, just interpreted differently to fit the story.

begonia, begonia is quite literally, based off of the flower ‘begonia’ are typically pink flowers (representing sakura) that mean ‘beware’, so it’s like: ‘beware, beware’. with how begonia is going, the title will start to fit in more. 

sunday without god is from one of the animes that made me cry the most, sunday without god (literally made me bawl my eyes out); the fic revolves arounds shintoism and are written in a span of a week, which suits it even more.

today, i, too is a song by vaundy. to be honest, i just mostly wanted to use that title but the song is about and is one of my favorite songs. i can’t explain what it’s about because it’s really wow, and just describes the fic very well. so, listen to it. please.

good thoughts, good words, good deeds is a reference to the three wise monkeys which the whole story revolves arounds

in summary: symbolism that references the topic of the story. honestly, just pull up some vague symbolism, make up an excuse, and you’re suddenly in the leagues of ‘very poetic / very symbolic’ titles.

consequences of change, red and orange, concerning a problem, 2/3, (not) breakfast in bed

now ... this one is just ... hard to explain

i just pull it out wherever i pull it, or like, take a quote from the fic, then turn it into a title

not to be that person but small cases for fics help a lot for some reason ... idk it makes everything more aestheticallly pleasing

[starswayv]

date’s ending, night’s starting (johnny suh)

pairing johnny suh x reader

theme suggestive, a little crack? a little fluff? But it’s all suggestive, the end is a smut i cut before it happened really

word count 2.1k

author’s note so, I’m a sucker for teasing, so don’t come at me for the ending. also, i loved writing this at first but then i re-read it today and i’m hating it, sorry it is bad.

The rain poured so hard outside the building lobby you wondered how you phone survived it dried inside of your date’s leather jacket. Well, maybe because it’s leather, right?

“Ah, I'm so sorry cause the night’s ruined and we’re all soaked up.” Johnny utters, letting out a frustrated moan while you laugh.

“You can’t control the weather, stupid, it’s all fine. My hair, on the other side, it’s not, I must look horrible…”

“You still look gorgeous, don’t worry. We should head upstairs to dry out, come on.”

Johnny smiles over at you and grabs your hand to guide you both to the elevator doors, not paying attention to the water trait you left on the floor all the way from the entrance to his building to the elevator doors. Someone was going to have a lot of work keeping up with all the dripping people running inside looking for shelter from the enormous flood outside. Shame of you, rainy Seoul in august.

The doors open up in front of you, a gladly empty elevator, and Johnny still doesn't let go of his hand when you climb inside.

You met Johnny in one of those friend’s get together your college friends invited you too, and since he studied for a year or two in the same university before dropping out to pursue a career in music, he knew a lot of you veterans, so you got to know him a little better with every social or party they would throw. A couple of months in this i-know-you-but-not-that-well thingy you two were on, he finally asked you out for a casual date, and since you had a little crush on him, no reason to say no to that.

Even though it’s just your first date with him, the fact that you’ve known him for a couple of months due to your similar friends circle made the mentioned date all so smooth and fun, picnic in the park near his apartment, good talks and loud laughs. You’ve talked about everything, from your college course and hobbies to your family and funny drunk stories, and he told you about his time living overseas and all kinds of embarrassments he had lived in parties and friend’s get togethers. Halfway through the date you wondered why it took you both so long to go out together, just the two of you without any of your other friends together since you obviously hit it off so well for a great first date.

That’s it, until the sudden rain arrived and ruined the whole thing.

It was so sudden you didn't even have time to pack up the dinner back, just grabbing the backpacks with what you could gather around and running off back to his place.

"Ah, I’m sad now. I planned everything so well, this was supposed to be a perfect date..." Johnny breaks the silence, leaning against the elevator door to face you, waiting around for it to land on his floor.

You were hoping really hard that the pouring rain didn't make you look an absolute mess, and when glancing at yourself in the elevator mirror you let out a sigh of relief. Yes, your dress was completely soaked in water and shoes that once were white now were just brown and grey (for that you were trying really hard not to cry, you weren't going to admit it, white converses that stay white are a bit of kink to you), but the way your hair was still falling in little waves on your shoulders were kinda cute, and God bless you for using the good quality make-up today, so everything was kinda alright in your looks.

"C'mon, don't be sad, it was perfect. The picnic, the candles, everything was so adorable and I loved it."

"Yeah, but soaked from head to toes and probably waking up to a very bad cold wasn't on the plan for a perfect ending to this night, you know..."

It amazes you how Johnny can say everything with a gorgeous smile on his lips like being that gorgeous is the easiest thing to just be all the time. Even drowning in water from head to toes and cold as hell.

"I don't know about you, but a pretty hot guy with black t-shirt glued to his body is not that bad for me." You joke around, smirking at him and he smiles, bringing his hand to his hair to brush the soaking strands off his eyes, just proving your point. Johnny Suh soaking wet in rain water is definitely not a bad sight for the eyes.

You realized you were staring for a little bit too long than the normal and a little bit south of his face, so you decide to nonchalantly play a little with his previous line.

"But how were you hoping for it to be? The ending of the perfect date?"

"There’s really no more polite way to put this rather than, if it was up to me, it just wouldn't have an end."

Saved by the bell, he winks at you by the end of the phrase just when the elevator door cracked open, him grabbing you by the hand once again to lead you to his place.

Once inside the apartment, your body starts to shiver really hard due to the soaked clothes, and without even thinking about your actions, you strip the dress and sneakers off and Johnny does the same with his shirt and shoes too.

He tries to not look at you with anything but an innocent glare on his eyes, but the smirk you already had in your lips did no justice to how good you were looking, so he smiles along.

The whole “already kinda friends so there’s no big deal” kind of situation helped a little to ease the half-naked situation you were both in, so you were distracted thinking of where to put your dress when Johnny suddenly leaned into you, his tall figure ghosting over yours so close that if you took one step behind you were going to be pressed against the living room door and still be just inches far from him.

His stubborn hair falls back on his face, and Johnny’s hands touch your shoulder, slowly travelling their way to your hand, fingers leaving a trace of chills down your arm, fingers closing around the fabric of your dress in your hands, taking it to put over his shoulder.

"I’m going to get you some towels, go take a hot shower in the first bedroom in the hallway so you don’t get cold." Johnny said, and then disappeared somewhere past the kitchen door, leaving you breathless, partially dressed and completely amused. This is shaping to be a pretty great end of date, if you will.

As soon as the hot water came in contact with your body, the cold feeling started to ease and you relaxed. You had been inside of his bathroom before, only on a totally different occasion, so as you let the water wash over your body you decided to don't think much of how it was a first date, not a friend-stay-over, as you’d shower.

And keeping Johnny out of your mind in that way was working just fine until he knocked in the bathroom door, his voice coming out muffled behind the door.

"Hey, I swear I’m saying this in the most innocent and good-intentioned way I can, but do you mind if I come inside? Again, I swear to god I’m not trying anything, it’s just that I’m so cold here my lips are turning purple. I’m not exaggerating"

You let out a loud laugh that Johnny hears through the door, and the sound the door unlocking is heard too. If it wasn’t for your months being friends with each other he would never ask you something like this, but you already shared some type of intimacy, and it’s not like you weren’t going to see each other naked some time along the dates, so he thought it wasn’t a big of a deal, and so did you. Plus, he was really cold.

Johnny opens the door after a while so you have time to go back to the shower box and comes in, shivering a little less once his cold body gets in touch with the sauna you build in there, the bathroom so steamy you barely could see each other past the shower glass (unfortunately to you both).

"Wow, is it warm in here. I’m really sorry, I just asked because I was already sniffing because of the cold, and sniffing Johnny is not the sexiest Johnny, I guarantee you."

He couldn’t see you, but knew you were hiding you smile and repressing a little laugh.

"I highly doubt that, but it's okay, I don't mind you here."

You tried to say it nonchalantly, but as soon as you heard it you realized how Johnny might have heard it, and, well, the situation just didn’t present itself from the most innocent one ever, and neither did your statement.

But, oh well, the damage was already done, so why not play along with it and see where it goes?

You hear Johnny laughing low at your response and you do too, feeling the tension dissipates a little. You two just stay in silence now, you washing your hair calmly, and Johnny watching you thought the blurry glass, just admiring the silhouette of yours the steam allowed him to see.

He breathes in deeply, making you more aware of his presence, and turns to the door, opening it ready to leave.

“I'm a little more warm now, you can finish your shower, pretty."

You hear him almost going away from the bathroom, and the words spill out before you really think them through.

"Wait, where are you going?"

Johnny stops midway out of the bathroom, a little confused with your words, but not hiding the excitement from his face. Lucky him you couldn’t see him right now.

"Going to put on some dry clothes, can’t stay naked and cold like this forever, princess."

It was your cue, it’s now or never.

"Without showering? Get in here."

A moment of silence followed, and you wondered if it was the best idea, if you sounded silly or if Johnny just wasn’t interested and you embarrassed yourself.

Not wanting to face him if he ever decides to join you or not, you turn away from the shower glass door, back facing it instead while you let the hot water pour in your back. The sound of the shower door sliding open announces itself, and you smile widely facing the wall.

Johnny had already seen you half-naked just a couple of minutes ago, but the sight of your naked back with panties still on, water dropping off your body but the steam making it hard to see much of your figure, did something to him he wasn’t capable of putting into words. The way your body teased him just like that, staying still, not saying a word nor moving at all, made him want to tease you in every possible way too.

He slowly approaches you, making his way towards your body but never touching it, never too close, and you raise your head to look at him from the side of your eyes when he rests his hand on the wall in front of you, his toned arm going over your shoulders.

"Only if you promise not to steal the whole shower head for you."

His head comes closer to yours, lips ghosting over your ear, words coming out so low it's almost a howl.

You smile widely, thinking his words and finding an even better way for the teasing game he just started. Shaking your head, you straight up your body, making his entire body crash into yours. Ops, not your fault he was this close to you.

And, still smiling, you take a step ahead, getting out of the showerhead’s reach, coming closer to the wall. Spinning on your heels, you turn to face him, naked body leaning against the cold wall behind you, the temperature mix sending shivers down your spine, your entire body on display for him and only him to stare. You watch his eyes fall shut, smile getting lost in a loud whine, the hard composure getting dropped as soon as he catches sight of your body, neck, clavicles, breast, stomach, everything just for him.

Still not getting closer to him, keeping up with the game to see who would break the gap first, you measure your next words, knowing it was your winning card.

"You can have it all for you if you want to."

And with an almost animal groan, Johnny loses, stepping forward to the water and attaching his body to yours.

[bird-in-a-cage]

#42 from the prompt list... I mean I'm sorry but... I NEED TO SEE THAT.

Wow, am I sorry this took so long! This was a tough prompt but, thanks to @cockasinthebird for being a wonderful human being, we got through it. So I hope this was worth the wait!

Prompt list is here if anyone wants to throw a prompt at me!

#42: “I didn’t say “sex party” as in orgy.  I said “hex party” as in witches.”

So far, college had been okay. It was as hard and challenging as Steve had expected, but he was getting on almost well. He had to spend a lot of time studying in the library, reading and re-reading source materials, typing, editing, deleting and starting all over again with essays and assignments sure. But it was different from high school, on a deep level he wanted to be here, amongst the old stone buildings that either held no heat at all or far too much depending on the weather outside, surrounded by people who also shared a passion for learning. It was different to focus on what he wanted to learn instead of just having to cram a little bit of everything into his brain everyday.

Turns out, if he was just allowed to go a little slower and take his time, he wasn’t as dumb as everyone back home at thought.

He’d gotten into college by the skin of his teeth, pulling far too many all nighters and living off five hour energy to drag his grades up when it was almost too late, pulling in every favour he had to retake anything below a C with nothing but a prayer and a pleading smile, somehow managing to not go completely insane in the process. Getting a 3 point grade average at graduation had been nothing short of a miracle. He wanted to say his parents had nothing to do with his acceptance into quite a nice school, but in reality Steve knew they probably greased a palm or two. Maybe helped pay for the new set of band uniforms that were recently unveiled.

The college itself was beautiful. Steve had fallen for it on his first visit. Old stone buildings, a large green campus area, a good surrounding community, regular activities and groups to go meet up with and try different things with now he was getting out of small town Hawkins and away from being stuck in what he knew. 

There was something a bit…odd about the college though. Steve would be sat in the library, for example, finishing up a comparison piece when he would hear the telltale low battery beep from his headphones. He always forgot to bring a charger. He knew it was on his nightstand back in the dorm room, wrapped around the drawer handle so he wouldn’t forget to lift it this time, so it was pointless checking his bag for it. He would go to pack his things away, open up his slouchy backpack and there it would be, his exact one because he’d wrapped a piece of green tape around it when his roommate kept stealing it and swearing blind he hadn’t, laying curled around his water bottle..

That wasn’t the only example though. Things would just appear when he was looking for them. Books he needed from a completely different section would just happen to be on the shelf he was currently looking at. If a flavour of soda was sold out at a vending machine, he would pick another, but the one he originally wanted would tumble out, ice cold and somehow impossibly refreshing. None of them were a major inconvenience by far, but it was just odd. 

The only small downside to the college of his dreams is that he forgot to investigate anything about the fraternities and sororities. Steve didn’t really have any desire to be in any frat even if offered, they were just houses for boys to pretend not to be at least a little bicurious as they bumped into each other all sweaty playing sports, using basketball as an excuse to touch each other’s muscles. Flat out no homo-ing each other. Steve was out and proud at college, didn’t need an excuse anymore other than “you’re hot, you wanna?”. The days of bi-panic and needing a thinly veiled excuse such as helping someone he thought was cute off the ground in the middle of a match were long gone.  Steve had been to a couple of frat parties, naturally, everyone did. They were kinda fun if you hung around outside away from the thick, choking air of sexual tension that was threatening to bubble over at any minute.

Everyone knew frat houses were just potential orgy dens, right?

There was one frat house though, just off campus and to the right a little, that gave off a weird vibe. The Omega House. It didn’t look that special, had dark grey panelling on the outside, windows trimmed in white, the omega symbol on the outer wall above the door painted in silver that reflected the sunlight and looked almost like real silver. Like the college itself, it was just odd. As far as Steve could tell it didn’t have many members, only four, as far as he’d counted, would walk around in blazing orange letterman jackets with that emblem stitched into the back and a smaller one on the front right breast. He didn’t know what majors they took, probably all on sports scholarships with how stacked a couple of them looked, and one liked to hang around the library. Always in sunglasses even indoors, tight jeans to combat the slightly too big jacket. Blonde hair shaved at the sides but longer on top, not wildly long but just enough for natural loose curls to develop.

Not that Steve had been looking at how handsome he was at all.

Thinking about it, he seemed to always be around when the odd things happened. When there would suddenly be a spare chair even though all the tables were packed with other students trying to do their work, a fresh stack of post it notes in Steve’s bag when he needed to write an annotation down quickly, a newly sharpened pencil just happening to be on the floor by his feet when he’d lost his before class. The rain suddenly starting as soon as Steve got into a building when he’d forgotten an umbrella like it was waiting for him to be safe and dry.

There was just something weird about the whole thing. Not enough for him to freak out and want to go home though, no way. He could deal with weird and slightly odd far better than being stuck in a town going nowhere, where his only future was getting a job in his father’s company and a wife he didn’t love, cranking out a couple kids after a year of so and slowly but surely morphing into a mirror image of the man he lowkey despised.

Even the thought of that was horrifying. It was bad enough that genetically they might look similar one day. Hopefully many, many years in the future. When plastic surgery was cheap.

The library was quiet when Steve entered. Of course it was, it was a Friday night. There were a number of parties and gatherings happening all over the place, but this week he’d promised himself to be good. Study now and party later. He’d been invited to a glow paint, totally-not-a-rave party happening just outside of town that he was pretty excited for. He’d been focusing hard on his studies so it was time to let off some steam. And maybe that steam had been building for quite some time cause ol’ Lefty wasn’t doing the trick anymore, mashing his face into a pillow in the dead of night, furiously jacking off under a blanket and praying his roommate didn’t wake up or come back soon. And, maybe sometimes, Steve thought about that cute blonde in the Omega House jacket and how good it would be to see those thick lips all slick and swollen wrapped around his cock. Really those thoughts were just between him and God, who he hoped wasn’t paying attention most of the time he was alone in his room.

Steve found the spot he liked, towards the back facing towards the window where he couldn’t be distracted by people walking in, and pulled his laptop and the well annotated copy of Dracula he was working from. His half finished essay sat on the screen, cursor blinking at him accusingly, demandingly even. He sighed at it and opened up to the page he was last working from when the chair next to him was pulled out. Not even one or two over, obeying the unspoken rule of the Personal Study Bubble. No, the very next chair. Steve could see orange reflected on his screen. He frowned slightly and turned to just give a passing glance, hoping for a the fuck? expression, when he saw staggeringly blue eyes staring back, nestled into tan freckled skin, natural curls just reaching down into the field of view. The regular sunglasses had been tucked up into the neck of a black tee. The back of Steve’s neck felt instantly hot as he looked away, hoping for a moment he hadn’t been seen, but that was impossible. He was right there.

“Hey, haven’t seen you around before. Must be in the same class though.” His voice was deep and Steve felt his legs turn a little bit to jello. He chanced another glance and saw the guy was holding a copy of Dracula too. Steve wasn’t sure he’d been holding it before… 

“Well, I attend almost every lecture…”

“You must do if you’re in here by yourself on a Friday,” the guy smiled. It didn’t look cruel, neither did it sound like he was making fun. This was already confusing, and Steve wasn’t the greatest with people at the best of times, let alone he around guys he thought were kind of stupidly handsome from afar, and apparently just stunning close up.

Steve just nodded and shifted in his seat slightly since this guy clearly wasn’t going to go away any time soon. He didn’t have anything on the table in front of him, didn’t even look like he had a backpack for the potential of anything. The odd feeling was definitely strong and getting stronger. “Can I… can I help you with something?”

“That depends,” the book was quickly tossed aside and the guy nudged closer with his chair, Steve could smell his cologne. It didn’t smell like anything he’d tried before. It was floral but dark and spicy, but also fruity too. Slightly burnt lemon and vanilla loaf? His hand wrapped easily around Steve’s freer one. His skin was warm, a little rough maybe from weightlifting which he clearly did, applying a comforting amount of pressure. Steve couldn’t help the skin on his arm breaking out in goose pimples. He glanced at their hands together and his throat felt impossibly tight. “I’m Billy by the way.”

“Steve...”

“Great. So, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but things can be a little, strange around here-”

Steve glanced at their hands again, felt that blue steel bore into his eyes and further back. “Oh they’re strange alright…”

“You ever wondered why?” This guy, Billy, grinned something devilish and let Steve’s hand go only to put it on his knee, squeezing firm but not unpleasant. Steve was sure he was starting to sweat under the attention of all this. Yeah he had fooled around with a couple guys drunk at parties, stumbled into a dorm room or two he didn’t recognise to have some fun and wake up with carpet burns over his back and his knees, but this felt very direct. Especially when Billy’s hand started slowly drifting higher. Steve couldn’t even say he didn’t want it, he’d been staring at this guy from a distance for months now, but to have him suddenly be right in front and touching with obvious intent. It was something else.

“Uh, n-not really. Sometimes maybe?”

Billy’s eyes turned from cool to blazingly erotic in an instant, for just a moment, then back to cool again. He nudged even closer into Steve’s bubble, who was more helpless than a fish on dry land at this moment. 

“Would you like to know why?” The way Billy’s tongue licked over the L was something filthy. If Steve had been set jello before he was now quickly melting into a sweet pool of tangy cherry. “My friends and I can show you.”

Steve felt like he was drowning. This wasn’t happening, it couldn’t be happening. But still BIlly’s firm hand crept ever higher until he was practically cupping Steve through his jeans, inching closer until their lips were connected in the middle of the library. Steve’s eyes fluttered closed. He was already boiling alive in his skin from all the attention and Billy’s lips weren’t helping. They were as plush as Steve had imagined. Maybe not in the right area just yet but with the way Billy was pushing his palm directly against Steve’s slowly awakening dick they just might be soon.

He was half hard when Billy pulled away, flushed bright red like he’d been sunburnt.

“Come by the house tomorrow night, you’ll see. We promise you’ll enjoy it.” 

With that, Billy winked, slipped his sunglasses back on and left. Steve blinked at nothing for a long time, trying to piece together what the hell had just happened to him.

Did… did he just get invited to an orgy?

He packed up quickly and went back to his dorm, there was no way any studying was going to happen now. It didn’t happen throughout all of Saturday either. Just the memory of the whole short incident rolling around and around in Steve’s mind, of Billy’s words dripping from those lips and the feel of his hand pressing just right.

He’d definitely gotten invited to an orgy.

He lay on his bed for a while just thinking, tapping his forefingers together as something for them to do. Steve was kind of flattered really, he knew he was nice looking, but there were far better looking guys on campus, and from the stories he’d heard they’d probably be up for it no questions asked. It also popped into his head that the guys he’d seen wearing the orange Omega jackets were a lot more jacked than he was, and Steve had seen enough porn to know what that probably meant. A part of him knew this was utterly insane. Shit like this didn’t happen without a bored camera crew and fourteen different close up angles.

But then maybe it did happen. He was from a small town after all. He was pretty sure his neighbours three doors down were swingers from all the cars that would suddenly appear once a month for just a night. Least that was the rumor that he may or may not have pushed a couple times. And, afterall, wasn’t this what college was about? Being out there and experimenting with crazy shit you wouldn’t do in the real world. He’d taken ecstasy in his first few weeks at a warehouse party, he had no desire to do that back home.

So, maybe he was warming up to the idea of being a bottom at an orgy party being held in the weird grey frat house. Who was anyone to judge? Steve just wasn’t going to tell anyone about it, that’s all.

He felt nervous standing on the front steps of the Omega House. All the blinds were drawn inside. He didn’t know what to bring, what was customary? It didn’t feel right to bring, like, snacks, so he’d just brought himself, already flushing and trying not to get hard by just the thought of Billy getting his hands on him again, how good he must look naked and sweating, finding out what those lips could really do.

The man himself answered the door after two sharp knocks. The grin he wore was sinful, eyes wild and excited, grip firm as he pulled Steve easily inside the dark room. Steve wasn’t sure what to expect, but low mood lighting, a coffee table in the middle of three couches covered in books and blank papers, and every other surface holding up thick lit candles dripping with wax wasn’t it. It also appeared to be just the two of them.

It wasn’t entirely what he had signed up for. But Steve wasn’t exactly complaining.

“Man, am I happy you actually came,” Billy started, pulling his letterman off and hanging it over the banister like a coat hook. His black tee had the sleeves ripped off, his arms were nothing short of statue worthy. He ruffled his hair a little, the curls bobbing just so. They looked delightfully soft. “The rest of the guys are at some sorority bullshit, but they’ll be here later.”

“Uh, o-okay, cool.” Steve tried to sound confident as he went to go take a seat on one of the couches. Billy sat next to him, up close and personal again and it wasn’t the worst thing in the world. He was radiating body heat which Steve wanted to eat up greedily. He noticed some of the books on the table. A copy of Frankenstein, a very old looking copy of Dracula, maybe second edition, a copy of Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea, and copies of both Malleus Maleficarum and A Guide to Modern Witchcraft. Those titles mixed with all the candles and the mood lighting and Billy’s staring and frankly demonic grin led Steve down the path that seemed the most obvious to him.

This was a sex cult house. And it was about to get all Rosemary’s Baby up in here.

Billy’s hand was back on his thigh again, heavy and pressing, taking Steve out of his deep barrel of thoughts. The grin was back on his tanned features. “You look nervous.” He gave Steve’s thigh a squeeze. Even though he had no idea what was going on it still made his cock jump alert in his jeans.

“Well, I’ve never exactly been to… one of these before…”

Billy’s eyebrows furrowed together a little, he still wore a smile though. It suited his face. “One of what?”

“You know...?” Steve rolled his hands as his face turned ever redder. He was sure it could almost be seen from space. He wasn’t a prude by any means, but growing up in quite a strict household meant he just struggled saying some things out loud. So he whispered it instead. “...an orgy?”

Billy stared at him for a moment before breaking into laughter that wasn’t at all humiliating. He must have sensed Steve’s rapidly growing discomfort and indignity because the laughter quickly died and turned more into gentle questioning. “Did you think that was what this was gonna be?”

“Well I don’t know what else this would be!” Steve spat out in frustration. He hated not knowing the whole story and here he felt he barely even knew the first line of the novel. Billy smiled warm like a summer day and cupped his cheek. He felt instantly calmed, being swallowed up by those cool blues like a gentle river on an August afternoon.  “I said I’d explain about all the odd things that happen around campus. They’re from us in this house. We’re kind of, different.”

“Different how?”

Billy took his hand back and snapped his fingers loud and piercing. All the candles extinguished themselves at once. Not a breeze to be felt. It wasn’t scary, or spooky, but it was pretty cool. “Different different. You’re the only person who’s seemed to notice. And, by house law, that means you get initiated. You get to know that we’re all witches.”

The word hung in the air and seemed ridiculous. But, at the same time, it didn’t. It did certainly explain how chargers and post its and pencils would suddenly just appear whenever Steve needed them. He still wasn’t completely convinced though.

“Witches?” He repeated back carefully, just in case he’d heard that wrong too. Billy nodded and clapped his hands. Every candle reignited themselves, flickering back to life one by one in a circle around the room. A bottle of whiskey and cans of coke appeared on the table where there had been just papers before. The books remained. There was a proud look on his face. Short of being drugged at the door and this all being a crazy fever dream, this was definitely real. Steve didn’t really have any reason to not believe his eyes and what was happening around him. Billy didn’t look like David Copperfield that was for sure. “So, not an orgy?”

“No. Not an orgy.” Billy chuckled and repeated back. He must have seen Steve’s face go from confused to understanding to a little disappointed all within the space of a few seconds because his hand was high on Steve’s thigh again. Maybe the guy just didn’t understand personal space? That seemed growingly likely. “I don’t think I’d wanna share you anyway.”

Steve felt the flush on his face again, but he grinned through it this time. Weird, spooky, otherworldly shit could be saved for later if there was even a chance of getting what he’d been thinking alone in his bed. “But you’d wanna maybe...?”

He let the question stay floating between them as Billy smirked lewd and pressed himself up against Steve’s body. “Bet you’d love to find out what I can do with my fingers pretty boy…”

Oh, Steve really would.

[vurlix]

The Druid of Mothem

### I started working really hard on this one AI Dungeon campaign mapping out the whole world of Xaxas that the game offers and putting it all into World Anvil (an online world builder) So i can better track places and people since the AI in AI dungeon can only remember so much. The majority of this story is created by GPT-3 (if I had to make a guess I’d say ~85-90%. I also used the website Art Breeder to generate the pictures for the characters and landscapes. ###

### AI is coming a long way. I plan to continue this story since I love playing a druid in 5e. ###

### I also added the new AI Dungeon feature which allows the gaining of stats so every time I try to do an action, it rolls on stats that continue to grow. ###

### But besides that, I also rolled out a Druid Wood Elf and have a character sheet to follow

I’ll link everything after the story, other than that I hope you enjoy!! ###

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You are Goodaquazi, a male elf druid who lives in the town of Morthem. You are new to the town though rarely actually visit it. Being a druid you're the most comfortable being outside the town in the forest with nature. The town of Morthem consists of a few large buildings and many smaller ones surrounding it. Humans and elves make up the population of this small farming town. A large deep forest surrounds the farmland as far as the eye can see. It truly is a beautiful forest.

When you're not spending time in Morthem, you can be found deep in study at a small nature temple located somewhere away from Morthem deep in the forest. This temple is where all druids or those with an interest in nature and druidism spend time in study, meditation, or prayer.

The day to day life of Morthem goes on with or without you and that's OK. The people are content and that's all that's in your heart. It's a simple life, and you're happy with that. 

You are in a forest somewhere far from any civilisation. This is your home and you feel comfortable here with the animals, plants, and nature. You were taught by the master druids to harness the natural magic energy that exists in all things. You practice this skill every day for there is always more to learn.

 You lie down on the ground, stretching out your arms and legs along the lush grass and closing your eyes. The sun is high overhead, its light filtered through an unblemished blue sky. A cool wind blows through the field, carrying with it the rich scents of soil and nature. The grass is damp from last night's rain, and you can sense the life force of the land, almost as if it were a living creature itself. The scents and sensations are almost overpowering after your time in the city, but feel refreshing now that your senses have been reawakened.

You slowly open your eyes. All around you, plants grow and animals live in a perfect state of harmony with the land. You vanish from their sight, though creatures with greater senses might still be able to detect your presence if they were really looking.

However, it is not upon the ground that you wish to be. You feel cramped and bored lying there, so you take a deep breath and rise up into the air, levitating several feet above the ground. You are weightless, able to drift through the air with only a thought.

You have many hidden conversations with animals as you move through the forest and they, curious about this friendly stranger. Different types of animals, each with their own unique personalities, sizes and abilities. There are fighting animals able to kill even the largest of beasts, and others that are solely for transportation or, in some cases, purely companionship.

You drift along atop the wind, smiling and laughing as you fly. This is how you move from place to place when you are outdoors. Eventually, you begin to get a splitting headache from all the sensory input and decide to head back home for the day.

You approach your cabin by nightfall. Made chiefly of wood with a thatched roof, it looks every part the fairy-tale cottage. An enormous oak tree towers over it and provides shade. You walk up to the door and unlock it with ease. Heading inside, you take off your shoes, as is custom in this land. The entire floor is covered by a thick carpet of grass which springs back up after every step you take.

Una, your girlfriend, is preparing dinner. Her long blond hair falls down to the small of her back and her sky coloured eyes pierce your very being. By her feet rests Zane, the cutest puppy you've ever seen who can someday grow up to be a fierce guard dog if given the right training.

"Hey, Una," you say.

"Uh-huh," she replies, engrossed in the cooking.

From another room, you hear a baby boy giggling. The newest member of your family, Behan, lies in his cradle. You fly through the door and hover over his crib, looking down on his innocent features. Through your son, you have discovered the true joys of fatherhood. All younglings go through an insane rebellious phase, which Behan will eventually go through too, but for now he is really sweet.

"You look tired," remarks Una, suddenly standing beside you with a bowl of strawberries in her hands.

You take one out of the bowl and eat it, relishing the sweet taste as it enters your mouth. "I had an interesting day," you reply. "Why is Zane outside?"

Una blushes. "I wanted to surprise you. Turn around."

Curious, you do as she says and spin on the spot. You hear Una squeal with delight before her arms embrace you from behind and her head rests itself upon your shoulder. "So?" she asks, a mischievous smile evident in her voice.

You turn to face Una and are faced with the image of her clad in a tight, midriff showing black dress and knee high stilettos. Your jaw drops and you stare with awe. "Wow," you utter, staring at her beauty. "You... look... amazing!"

"I thought we could go to a friends' house to eat. They're having a party, do you want to go?"

The constant sensory input has given you a monstrous hunger, and as much as you love Una, you need food. "Absolutely," you say.

The two of you fly to your friend's house. The manor lies on a hilltop which descends into a plain, which lies on the edge of a dense evergreen forest. You are faced with the grandest house you have ever seen. Dozens of little windows peer at you like wandering eyes. Hundreds of lights create the illusion that the house is glowing. The manor is at least four stories high and has a tryst swim among trees behind it. The entire setting is like something out of a fairy tale. You land beside a golden pathway that leads up to the manor. The evergreen forest towers over you on both sides and a soft, cool breeze passes through it, sending chills down your spine. You take a deep breath through your nose as you enter through the heavy wooden door.

You are faced with a giant hall, with several corridors branching off it. The walls are lined with suits of armour, which glare at you with iron eyes. Black and white tiles line the floor, and a giant chandelier made up of antlers hangs from the ceiling. You both walk past the hall and down one of the branching corridors. Tiny flickering lights dance along the corridors' walls. You peer into a room and see a grand piano and several pieces of classical music written in notes on sheets of music. You enter the room as you sense somebody there. An old man with a goatee sits in the corner of the room, playing the piano. The music is slow and rhythmic.

You remember this man. He was one of Una's former boyfriends, a pianist that travels around the country and plays for people. You are about to call out to him when Una grabs your wrist. You look at her, meeting her fiery eyes. She motions for you to follow her and the pair of you bypass the man entirely. The next corridor weaves back and forth and has the same black and white tiles as the last corridor. Finally, the corridor brings you to a set of stairs. You climb the stairs slowly, and as you do you see someone at the top. It's the host of the party, Judge Beckery.

"You came!" he says, smiling. "I can already tell this is going to be the best party ever."

"Who was that man playing?" you ask, motioning toward the room with the grand piano.

"Oh him?" says Beckery. "That's just Harvey. He's a bit of a weirdo."

You nod slowly.

"Anyway, I just got here myself," says the Judge. "I'll show you to your room."

The pair of you head up another flight of stairs and Beckery stops at the first door on the left. He opens it and ushers you inside.

"I hope you'll be comfortable in here," he says.

The room is small but comfortable. It has a double bed, a dresser, and a nightstand with a lamp. There's also a desk in the corner. The walls are covered with a deep blue wallpaper. You set your bags down on the floor and look out the window. The courtyard and forest surround the house.

You return to the party. Those few feet between you and Una seem like an endless distance, one that neither of you are willing to cross.

As you enter the room the crowd melts away before you and everyone stares in astonishment. You stand there, surrounded by a crowd of people. A fight seems inevitable.

Suddenly the crowd parts and Una comes before you. She looks into your eyes and gives you a small smile. It's a smile that says everything will be alright. You smile back, and then feel your face flush and your heart flutter.

Before you stands Una, a tall and willowy young woman with long blond hair, gray eyes, and fair skin. Her beauty takes your breath away--more than that, her presence does, the way she stares back into your eyes timidly yet still willing to meet your gaze for as long as you like.

"I love you Una, thank you for bringing us here but I'm starving! Why don't we go into the dining room and get something to eat?"

Everyday your craft keeps you occupied and your spare time is spent with Una. As the years pass your personal life and druidic life begin to overlap one another. Your love for Una only deepens and your son Behan grows in strength and wisdom. You tell him stories of the old lands of Tuatha, and promise that when he's old enough you'll return, if only to visit.

"I saw the strangest thing today," Una says to you as you eat dinner. You are eating roasted duck at this party and Una has been watching you and Behan with a faint frown on her face.

"What's that?" you ask.

"I saw one of the peasants run over a fox and kill it." she says.

"That's terrible, why would someone be so careless about a living creature. What if that fox was me Una? Did you see who the peasant was that ran over the fox? " you respond.

"I did," she says, "It was Chris."

"Are you sure it was him?"

"No. But the man I saw was a barbarian and he's friends with that barbarian."

Knowing Una, this must have bothered her greatly. You've never been a fan of Chris, it seems that even if you are wrong about him, you still have to tell him to apologize to Una. As the sun disappears over the horizon and night falls, you head over to Chris's room.

You rap on his door and he bids you come in.

"What the hell do you want." Chris grunts angrily. You can tell he's clearly been drinking and not to mention his room smells awful. You also notice that there are various bottles filled with assorted types of Liquid.

"My wife is pretty upset with what happened at the party earlier, and I'd like to apologize if I could." You lie.

"Alright?" He says to you as he lights his pipe, the lighter producing a small blue flame.

You quickly chant a short incantation and the flame on his pipe flares up as smoke billows into his face, he has been incapacitated by the flames and he begins to scream as he desperately tries to pat them out.

You rush over and smack him in the head with your palm and he's out like a light.

You then look for Una to make sure she is alright, you find that Chris' alcohol and medications have finally kicked in and he has gotten some sleep.

You reassure Una and tell her not to worry about anything.

The next morning you both wake up and start to gather your equipment together.

You hug Una close and tell her how much you care for her.

"I told you everything was going to be fine." She says to you with a smile, "Let's go home, I miss Behan...and you need someone to do the shopping and cleaning."

Slowly the two of you head home. You start to reflect on the events that have occurred and realize that your life is finally calming down. You open the door of your home to find Zane making Behan laugh by chasing his tail. You watch your family with a smile on your face, glad that everything has worked out for you. You take a seat and call Zane over to join the family for a group hug.

“Good boy” you say to Zane as he begins to wag his tail happily. He gets up and goes over to Behan who is attempting to crawl away to no avail. Zane begins to lick Behan in the face, you watch them both laugh and occasionally look over to Una. You feel truly happy just watching them all. This is real happiness, this must be how Father felt. Time passes and it's nighttime before you know it. You tell Una that you're gonna cook dinner for tonight so she can relax and enjoy her night. With the nightly routine of cooking, cleaning and putting Behan to bed you soon find yourself heading off to bed as well.

As you both lie in bed with Una's hand wrapped around your arm you feel truly complete. There's nowhere else in the world you'd rather be, you have everything you need right here.

Your eyes start to get heavy as you fall asleep with a smile on your face. Your mind drifts from one thing to another as you find yourself entering the druidic realm of dreams. Several hours later you drift back into consciousness and remember the events that have led you here. You open your eyes and slowly sit up, the sun is already high in the sky outside and Una is nowhere to be seen. Knowing that she's probably out hunting, you get out of bed and look out the window. You take a deep breath through your nose and smell the scent of trees, nature, earth, and wild animals. You feel truly at peace in this moment.

With a smile across your face you walk over to Behan's bed and pick him up.

"Come on Behan!" you shout excitedly "Let's go play outside!"

You look outside and everything looks great. The forest, the trees, the earth, everything is perfect. This is your life now, and you wouldn't have it any other way. You set Behan down on the floor and go over to your dresser to grab your clothes. Nature is perfect, yes, but there are simple things in life that make it better. And one of those things is clothes. You put on your typical outfit, nothing too fancy, just your typical wool pants and tunic. With that done, you walk outside to play with Behan in the fields.

Zane wakes up and comes to join in the fun running around in circles and making Behan crawl after his tail. Every day is a happy day when you're with those who matter to you .

As you look out across the fields to watch Una returning from hunting with freshly killed deer, you realize that those that got you through hard times are the ones that matter most.

You will continue life as it is now. There is nothing else you could desire.

You greet Una with a small smile and hold out your arms for the deer carcass.

"Good work Una." You say smiling at her as you lift up the deer.

"Thank you." Una responds looking down at Behan who crawls over to her legs.

The carcass will feed your family for the next few days. You set it down near your home and bring Una inside to rest. She's a hero today and that's all that matters. She deserves to be treated as one.

You Kiss Una on the forehead and lift her in your arms to carry her into the bedroom.

You place her near Behan, and they both fall into a gentle sleep. They look like an angel and a demon sleeping together, but there's no malice in them at all!

You grab your blade and walk over to the deer carcass. You begin to butcher the beast using your vast expertise in limb severing. First, you remove the legs, then the head and then the torso. You work fast because you don't want the meat to begin rotting. With enough salt, you could eat it in a day or so.

Your family will eat good tonight and for the next few days!

Having finished the job you walk back into the house returning to Una's bedside to watch her sleep until dusk arrives.

Throwing in some pork for extra taste, you set out to make the deer meat stew.

The meat and bone will be used to make the stew and the offal fed to Zane who is begging by your side the whole time.

A blue flame envelops your hand and you slam your hand into the oven! The rich scent of flame-broiled deer meat fills the room in an instant.

"Zane! If you eat any more of my food, you won't grow up to be big and strong like me!" You joke at your small but ferocious dog!

Finally, the food is done, and you sit down with Una and Behan to enjoy an evening meal.

Master of fire you may be, but without the love and support of your wife and son you would burn out in a flash. Tonight you are happy and look forward to an amazing life with your family.

You hold Una's hand and thank her for being the amazing woman she is. "I have a goal set for myself tomorrow Una, I'm going to learn to shape shift" you explain. Una smiles and shakes her head fondly at you. "You'll never stop learning will you?" she asks in response. You both laugh and enjoy the evening meal.

[frighthouseofalighthouse]

I'M GONNA DO IT TO EM' ALL ASKS THAT YOU REBLOG TONIGHT TILL 10 AM TOMORROW.... DO THEM!!!!

Hey, you had to do it to ‘em! Here they are starting with the most recent.

“Weird asks that say a lot”

1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans?

Coffee mugs because you can use them for everything. Teacups are too small for a proper cuppa.

2. chocolate bars or lollipops?

Chocolate bars always.

3. bubblegum or cotton candy?

Bubblegum, which I miss so much. I haven’t had it in over 2 years bc of my braces

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you?

I didn’t go to public school but all the adults who dealt with me said I was sociable and tried to get everyone to do the group projects but no one listened so I ended up sitting alone reading and quietly doing the project.

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups?

Glass BOTTLES make it taste superior.

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear?

Pastel boho preppy goth best describes my style.

7. earbuds or headphones?

Earbuds, but only rubber tipped ones. The plastic ones never fit in my ears. Also headphones never cover my whole ear right. :/

8. movies or tv shows?

TV shows keep my attention span better.

9. favorite smell in the summer?

Brewing thunderstorms.

10. game you were best at in p.e.?

None. But trampoline if I had to pick.

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day?

Scrambled eggs, peanut butter toast, and some kind of fruit.

12. name of your favorite playlist?

My main one is Things You Love. My one for writing is Queen And Country, and my other two favorites are Summer Songs and A Queen Knows How To Fight A War.

13. lanyard or key ring?

Key ring, lanyards get in the way.

14. favorite non-chocolate candy?

Swedish Fish or Sour Patch Kids.

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment?

OH MAN. To Kill A Mockingbird, The Great Gatsby, Fahrenheit 451, The Grapes Of Wrath, and The Handmaid’s Tale were definitely my top 5 in English class.

16. most comfortable position to sit in?

Curled up sideways in an armchair with my legs slung over the arm. Sitting normally sucks.

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes?

Either pair of my black boots, or my pink floral Skechers that I wear to work.

18. ideal weather?

60 degrees, cloudy, windy, with a chance of rain.

19. sleeping position?

On my right side, arms around a fluffy pillow, one leg out straight and the other drawn up with my knee to my chest.

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)?

Laptop. I’m trying to exercise my hand and wrist so I don’t tire as quick of notebook writing, though.

21. obsession from childhood?

History, Nancy Drew books, Harry Potter, and ghost stories.

22. role model?

The person I am but don’t think I am.

23. strange habits?

Pulling my shirt collar up over my nose and mouth/putting it in my mouth and chewing on it.

24. favorite crystal?

Amethyst, my birthstone! Close second is blue goldstone. (Have you ever seen it? It looks like the universe. I have a worrystone made of blue goldstone and it’s one of my prized possessions.)

25. first song you remember hearing?

Something from church probably. Outside of church probably one of these: If I Had A Hammer // Peter, Paul and Mary, Puff The Magic Dragon // Peter, Paul and Mary, Scarborough Fair // Simon & Garfunkel, The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald // Gordon Lightfoot.

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather?

Sit in the shade.

27. favorite activity to do in cold weather?

Drink tea, read, and play either Pokemon or Nancy Drew and the Clue Benders Society on my 3DS.

28. five songs to describe you?

The Pines // Roses & Revolutions, I Am Here // Pink, Walk Me Home // Pink, Call Home // Heathers (not the musical), Traveler’s Song // Aviators

29. best way to bond with you?

Talk to me about history, crime, musicals, books, or tv shows

30. places that you find sacred?

Natural swamps. Libraries. Old, overgrown gardens. Anywhere historic. Pine forests at dusk. Anywhere under a clear night sky.

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names?

A plaid shirt, black leggings, and black boots with dark neutral lipstick and a black choker.

32. top five favorite vines?

Fre she vocado, BENTLEY NOOOOO, uhhh I sure hope it does, the one of Lin Manuel-Miranda trying to brainstorm, and this bitch empty YEEt

33. most used phrase in your phone?

Idk how to find this out

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head?

Idk if this is just a local thing here but WOW ITS NATURESTONE

35. average time you fall asleep?

12-1 nowadays.

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing?

I can haz cheezburger

37. suitcase or duffel bag?

Depends. Suitcase for things like my laptop that are better protected than in a duffel bag, but duffel bag otherwise because they’re easier to carry.

38. lemonade or tea?

TEAAAAA

39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie?

Both please

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school?

My house? We had a safe word when we did math. It was “quokka.” If we got overwhelmed we’d say it and then stop and look at pictures of quokkas.

41. last person you texted?

My friend and coworker.

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets?

Jacket pockets.

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket?

Cardigan or hoodie

44. favorite scent for soap?

Lavender

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero?

Fantasy. It takes me a bit to get into fantasy books usually, but sci-fi is hard to follow and superhero is mostly predictable.

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in?

Fuzzy pants and a t shirt

47. favorite type of cheese?

Muenster, parmesan, or goat cheese

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be?

Raspberry

49. what saying or quote do you live by?

“I have no country to fight for. My country is the earth, and I am a citizen of this world.” - Eugene V. Debs

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have?

A weird local political ad a couple years back.

51. current stresses?

My recent breakup, an overnight shift I work on Wednesday night, and trying to find time to go out to a corn maze with my friend.

52. favorite font?

Baskerville or Georgia.

53. what is the current state of your hands?

Covered in small cuts and scrapes from work, nails picked short, black nail polish mostly peeled off.

54. what did you learn from your first job?

babysitting job: Kids suck never have more than one. Retail job: being on your fee it hardddd

55. favorite fairy tale?

Beauty and the Beast or Rapunzel

56. favorite tradition?

Looking at Halloween decorations

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome?

Cutting, being manipulated by my dad, and letting other people make me believe I wasn’t good enough (still working on that one)

58. four talents you’re proud of having?

Writing, puzzle-solving, singing, and calligraphy

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?

“Oh shit waddup”

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be?

One of those preppy gothic private school animes with a dark secret lurking around the corner

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?

Book: “Ignoring isn’t the same as ignorance. You have to work at it.” - The Handmaid’s Tale. Movie: “It’s not about deserve. It’s about what you believe. And I believe in love.” - Wonder Woman. TV Show: “I am the Bad Wolf. I create myself.” - Doctor Who.

62. seven characters you relate to?

Hermione Granger, Luna Lovegood, Remus Lupin, Richard Gansey III, Blue Sargent, Dean Winchester, Charlie Bradbury.

63. five songs that would play in your club?

Same five that I said describe me.

64. favorite website from your childhood?

Webkinz and the old American Girl site circa 2009.

65. any permanent scars?

One down my chest from heart surgery as a baby, lots from self harm on my arms/legs, some on my left knee from falling as a kid, and one on the back of my right heel from being pecked by a goose at the fair when I was 11.

66. favorite flower(s)?

Sunflowers, roses, and dahlias.

67. good luck charms?

Myself.

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried?

Ranch anything.

69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned?

Jellyfish have no brains and no heart.

70. left or right handed?

I’m third generation left handed!

71. least favorite pattern?

Vertical stripes.

72. worst subject?

Math.

73. favorite weird flavor combo?

Wendy’s fries and chocolate frosty.

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen?

7. Usually I just ignore it because I have a “high pain tolerance” (which means I like to put myself through minor pains because I think I deserve it)

75. when did you lose your first tooth?

Age 5. I was trying to blow up an inflatable ball and it came out.

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)?

ALL POTATOES EXCEPT POTATO SALAD

77. best plant to grow on a windowsill?

Violets.

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store?

Neither, both suck equally.

79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo?

Never had a school id so I guess the license

80. earth tones or jewel tones?

Earth tones for me

81. fireflies or lightning bugs?

...They are literally the same thing

82. pc or console?

PC

83. writing or drawing?

Writing. I absolutely cannot draw.

84. podcasts or talk radio?

Podcasts, talk radio is so obnoxious.

84. barbie or polly pocket?

Barbie. The clothes are easier to take on and off. I used to accidentally rip polly pocket clothes all the time.

85. fairy tales or mythology?

Mythology. I like it because it explains things, it’s creation stories, its origins. Fairy tales are just fantasies or cautionary tales.

86. cookies or cupcakes?

Cookies.

87. your greatest fear?

Rejection, drowning, and clowns.

88. your greatest wish?

To be a semi-successful author and historian.

89. who would you put before everyone else?

My mom.

90. luckiest mistake?

Not succeeding in killing myself!

91. boxes or bags?

Bags.

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights?

Dim lamps if they have yellow bulbs. I hate white lights. And also fairy lights yes please.

93. nicknames?

Ellie, Ell, Little Lion, Lioness.

94. favorite season?

FALLLLL

95. favorite app on your phone?

Tumblr, Spotify, or Instagram.

96. desktop background?

97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized?

6.

98. favorite historical era?

Revolutionary War-era America or late Victorian England.

THIS GOT REALLY LONG AND I DONT WANNA HIT THE TEXT BLOCK LIMIT SO IMMA DO ALL THE HALLOWEEN ONES SEPARATELY, MAYBE IN THE MORNING.

[orzstrider]

???

note: woah after practically one month i finally updated ‘the roman i used to know’ /a h-/ thank you @paradoxicalpatton for helping out ;w; and thank you @ultimate-queen-of-fandoms2 and @chally-wally ;; O ;; and i apologize for any errors you may encounter 

trigger warnings(feel free to tell me to add more if you spot any that’s not in the list): heartbreak; unrequited love; unhappy ending; crying; implied abusive/unhealthy friendship; deceit mention;

taglist: @februaryfun @ultimate-queen-of-fandoms2 @chally-wally @theotherella @candiukas

I honestly don't know why I like- no, loved you. I don't know why these feelings started blooming despite how different we are. It was confusing- how could it not be confusing? I mean, I fell for someone who was practically my exact opposite. And yes, I adore the idea of  'opposites attract' but at the moment... I didn't get it. At just didn't make sense! Plus, I knew barely anything about you so that didn't help at all. So, gods, I ask you this, why was it him that I had to fall for?

I could've fallen for someone else. It could've been Logan or Patton- I could've fallen for anyone else at school but no it just had to be him, I guess. It was absolutely infuriating! Just- why would you make me someone like him?! He's just so annoying! His hair was never fixed and it was dyed in this color, and his eyes weren't even the same color! Blue and gray? Seriously? That was just so weird!

And oh the eyeshadow- gods I hate that eyeshadow so much! Like- why would anyone just go anywhere with- just- the eyeshadow was placed under his eyes for Pete's sake! That's not how you're supposed to wear that! And why the heckity heck were you still wearing a jacket even if it was hot as hell outside?! Just- no! Quit complaining about the heat and just remove your jacket! It's not that hard!

Oh, and you know what else is annoying about him?! The way he types! All lowercase! no proper grammar, no proper punctuation- Ugh! You don't do that! You're supposed to type with proper grammar and with the start of every sentence and every proper noun in capital letters! Ugh!

And it is absolutely unfair about how he gets to be able to go to class late with no problem at all! Whenever I'm late the teachers always get mad! So how come it's not like that with you?! Are you bribing them or something?! It's not- why?! And oh my gods stop being so negative! I know that you can't help it or whatever but stop! Try to see the best of things! How was that so hard to do?!

And I know you're probably going through a lot of stuff or something but seriously- quit bringing down the mood! It's not okay! Just stop!

See?! It's so confusing! Why do I like him out of all people?! Sure, his hair is soft and fluffy and yeah those sweater paws are certainly adorable but that's not the point!

I just- i don't get it! Not at all! And it's making me die inside!

I'm trying to convince myself that I don't like you- I just can't! There's nothing to like but why- why does it hurt every time I see you talk to Logan so calmly?! Why does it hurt when I see Patton hug you tightly while you bury your face into the crook of his neck?! Not knowing the answer to this is absolutely infuriating!

Okay, you know what- love is infuriating! There! I said it!

Just- why? I don’t..

Goddamnit. Why does it hurt this much?

...

Fine, maybe I lied. There is a lot about you to love. I just hate how I realized it later.

Gods, I need a break. Who knew that liking someone was this painful? It wasn't like this before so why was it different now?

I've fallen in love before. well, at least I think I did. But when I did, it never felt like this. When I saw them with someone else I was completely fine with it. so why..?

Every time I see you laugh with Patton, envy starts to bubble up inside me. When I see you resting your head on Logan's shoulder while he reads, I can feel this ache in my heart. And when the thought of you never liking me pops up- I could feel every emotion inside me disappear. I felt absolutely nothing while feeling everything at the same time and wow that sure was painful! Haha. Remember the things about you that I said I found annoying? Later on, I grew fond of those things.

It made me want to brush your hair out of your face. It made me want to run my hands through it just to see how soft it was. And the fact that it was purple was actually incredibly attractive. And though the eyeshadow was weird, I don't think I would know how to feel if I didn't see it under your eyes. And that jacket? Despite it having many different patches on it, it surprisingly fit you well. And it would be weird if you didn't type the way you typed now. It wouldn't match your aesthetic at all. And yes, it is unfair that the teachers almost never get mad at you but- it made you mysterious, in a way. It made you a puzzle that I desperately wanted to solve. I remember when we first properly met. It was raining hard and I could feel my cheeks turn red. I was alone with my crush! How could I not feel flustered? It felt like every inch of me was on fire, especially since you were sitting so close next to me. And though I was extremely nervous and flustered, I offered to just..run. and we did. And we were holding hands and gosh, despite the cold weather your hands were warm and I wish I could hold them again. We stopped at this place and we ended up bonding and it was great. I learned more about you than I could ever dream of and those sassy comments of yours were annoying but, I liked them. They were witty and slightly offensive and it definitely matched how you look.

And wow..when we danced together- that was amazing. I could only hear my heart beating and your breathing and my body was so warm- I felt so dizzy because you were so close and I just- wow. And since when did you become such a good dancer? I'm surprised. And the beach. The time at the beach was..amazing, in some way. That time when we both couldn't sleep- I never felt so calm yet so nervous at the same time. Blood was rushing through my veins and my body was shaky because you were right next to me. And the rays of light from the moon hitting your face- along with the beach as the background- you just looked absolutely stunning.

And the day after that, life instantly went down for some reason.

Everything started falling apart and I felt like I was imploding and exploding at the same time. I kept getting these horrible mood swings and just- every time I thought about you, sobs escaped my lips and tears streamed down my face. I don't think I've ever felt this weak before. My head, chest- everything hurt and it felt like I was being chained. Trapped behind bars that were made from loving you. I was so convinced that you didn't love me back- but with every interaction we had- it felt like you did. Until I was reminded that you didn't every time I saw you and Patton lovingly compliment each other or when I saw you and Logan smiling at each other the way lovers would- it hurt it hurt it hur-

I was tired. Tired of being given all these mixed signals. So I avoided you. I did my best to not talk to you- to not look at you. To not feel anything for you, but that hurt, so much. I was convinced that I was actually losing it because you were suddenly everywhere I went. Everything reminded me of you and I could hear your laugh from a few feet away and just-

I was sick of this. So I did what you warned me about at the first time we talked properly.

I befriended someone nicknamed 'Deceit'.

I know it was stupid but- it hurt, okay?

I wanted to be Patton every time I saw him run his hands through your hair. I wanted to be Patton every time I saw him kiss your cheek in such an affectionate manner. I wanted to be Patton every time you rested your head on his lap. I wanted to be Patton every time I saw you two laugh together at something one of you said.

I wanted to be logan every time I saw him holding your hand, rubbing circles on it. I wanted to be logan every time I saw you lay your head on his shoulder. I wanted to be logan every time I saw you talk about something only you two know about. I wanted to be logan every time I saw you two look fondly at each other.

I just.. I wanted to be someone you loved. But I wasn't. I couldn't be. It was impossible.

I tried to stop loving you. I tried to forget about you. But every time I reminded myself not to have these feelings- it made me love you more and it made things hurt me more.

It's weird. I hate being hurt. but I'm so willing to go through this heartbreak for forever if it meant that I get to have these moments with you that no one else would be able to have.

I know I'm setting myself for heartbreak but at this point, I don't care anymore.

Hey, want to know something? I adore your eyes.

Those eyes were just mesmerizing. There's just something so electrifying about them that draws me to it.

Your eyes could swallow stars- universes- galaxies. and even though I knew that it would burn if I went too close

I let myself get lost in them anyway. Even if it hurt.

Want to know another thing?

I don't regret it, not at all.