#And if it is full-time then I can't do it. cause of uni

[poppysunderthestars]

➷ heartless ii ➷

“tryna be a better man”

⟡ fuckboy!ani and fem!reader

⟡ warning: kissing, +18 content, unprotected p in v (wrap it before y'all tap it!), degradation, sexual tension, blue balls(lmao), cum mention (if i'm missing any, please let me know!) minors do not interact!

⟡ summary; after the terrace horror show in your panties with anakin, you give it a go with him, i mean like a fuck and go ... maybe you're fuckboy's ani turning point or the one that could change him?

⟡ word count; 3,6k

author's notice: omg i can't actually believe it took me almost a year to drop part 2! hate uni anyways. i was debating whether on the ending to. should i give y'all a part 3? i think this is longer than pt.1. hahah enjoy!!

you can read pt. i here -> heartless pt. i

‧₊˚ ⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾.‧₊˚ ⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾.‧₊˚ ⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾.‧₊˚ ⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾.‧₊˚ ⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾.‧₊˚ ⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾.

he was dying for a taste. your taste, your tasty, flavorful, and sweet insides. he had imagined before what you’d taste like. what kind of texture your fluid would spill into. and he had so certainly pictured your love box being filled to the top of his hot seed. he was so dirty for that, but he didn’t even fucking care.

he was so needy for you, he was thrilled for your touch on his goosebumpy skin, only you could cause something like that on him. that neediness went from non-existent to “on the verge of passing out”, he wanted all and he was going to get it. 

a few days since that moment on the terrace with anakin full of sexual tension had passed. right after that, he went straight to his chambers to “cool off” being the nicest words for “pumping his hard juicy cock until oblivion”. 

he outright spent a few hours edging himself on his fist, thinking it was you doing him so wrong. your name was thrown from his mouth several times while his heat was rising. his loving whimpering increased while the speed of his dick increased. he had NEVER been so vocal, yet there he was moaning and delicately whispering “pl-please, do-don’t- don’t stop-op” his breath was short but he was almost certain that you were jumping on his lap making him feel so good.

he was embarrassed that a woman like you could make him so weak even by you not being close to him. something he had never felt before. his body went through heat waves when he thought of you in front of him. 

today, he was so confident he was going to take you to heaven with his mouth. everything was pointing towards success tonight in his chambers. he was loving the attention the female jedi´s were giving him in the library during study sessions.

everyone else was studying, reading, or driving intellectual conversations. however, mr. skywalker was taking kisses, handsy touches, and one not-very-obvious blow to his dick under the table. you did see that when no one else did. you were jealous but at the same time so desperate to choke him, how could he be so promiscuous in a temple of learning? 

he was disrespectful and egoistic by thinking he would not pay for his actions.

to some point, you did admire his ability to not give a fuck about shit. but it was time to make him regret everything.

after the library, you went back directly to your master. nonetheless, he was nowhere to be seen. he was still out on an important mission. you shrugged and returned to your chambers, where a holographic call from your master was already waiting.

he told you not to worry, he would be back in a few weeks and that for the time being you’d to report to master obi-wan kenobi.

oh, no. what the actual fuck. no.

that was not happening. but it did and there was nothing to make it different. so you pretended this little temporary action did not affect you. 

the rest of the night, you had one of your closest padawan guy friends hang out with you in your room. you talked about life, friends, jedi stuff. you’d hooked up before, he was your go-to guy for late-night calls. he had already tasted, devoured, felt, smelled, licked, and traced every millimeter of your douce skin. he was not the first or the last man to ever make you feel in paradise, rising through the thin air as you came riding his dick.

that night, things went as planned for you and him. anakin on the other hand, was not happy at all about your sentiments and your desires for someone who was not him. it was either him or no one. it had to be that way. he hated feeling that way, needing you in all your glory in every way. why you?  why not another girl?

there were far prettier girls in the temple, but he did not want them at all, not even close to how he was deprived of you, starved, and addicted to your entirety. your presence was magnetic, and the way you smiled after training, dropping sweat from your hair, licking the salty lips that he’d wished were all over him.

no one was made for him like you. recently you’d found yourself knowing that, he knew that and that tension in the terrace proved you both right. 

it was early morning now, a time when all that reigned over the temple was silence and sweet calm. your padawan guy friend had left your chambers some hours ago and for some reason, an obvious and indisputable one, you could not conceive sleep.

you’re killing me, fucking anakin skywalker.

that was what you wanted to do then, get yourself fucked by no other than soon-to-be knight anakin. it was a feeling you couldn’t run from, it was there from dusk till dawn, and from dawn till dusk. 

that night, you paced from one side of your room to the other, you anxiously moved your feet while lying down trying to fall asleep. it was such excitement and neediness, that you got up, took a quick shower, put some makeup on, and got out. you were getting some tonight with anakin and you couldn’t wait.

quietly you tipped toed around the white noised hallways, controlling your breath to not seem so excited and imagining what it would feel like to be already in skywalker’s embrace.

by the time you arrived at his door, your heart was racing so fast it felt like it was about to jump out of your chest and explode into a million pieces at his sight. no one has ever made you feel that way and you noticed that. you guessed anakin had felt that too on the terrace cause you felt him feel the same way about you. it was time to redeem all those lost years gone through the drain by giving the best night of his life to anakin.

before you could even reach the door to knock it, it suddenly opened, revealing a shirtless and tiresome anakin on the other side. he lacked sleep and he couldn’t formulate complete thoughts other than taking you right there in the door frame up against the cold metal.

he needed it so badly, all night he was desperate for touch, especially yours. and it seemed it was finally time for his hands to travel up and down your body. that was what he did, not hesitating for a moment, he threw himself onto you causing you to gasp in surprise. the door closed, leading you to cover yourselves into the darkness of his room, the only light being the soft illumination from the early morning coruscant.

he wrapped you with his arms looking down to you in awe. his mind was running all around and he couldn’t seem to concentrate, his heart was also racing and his breath was starting to become irregular. becoming one, delicately he took your chin and raised it up to match both visages. 

“last time we were alone, i was completely fine. yet these days without you and your presence have become one of my darkest thoughts, i fear”

his lips were perfectly moisturized and his fingertips traced your cheek. 

who could’ve thought mr. fuck-it-all had romance in him? 

when did he turn into this ball of pure neediness for you?

“you, anakin. have been present every night in my thoughts”

then, he felt proud. you felt the same way as him, pride was gone and you both needed to take each other so high you couldn’t come down.

“you know, i’ve tried hard stopping feeling these things for you. but i can’t. i’m enveloped”

oh well, you were too. 

and with that he closed the space between you and him, letting your breaths become one. lips colliding as his hands posed on your neck and subsequently letting him access the area under your ear.

“i’m tryna be a better man, but i’m fucking heartless”

and passion flowed from the connection formed. made you feel powerless the way he attacked your lips. 

“i will break your heart” he said, restraining himself from devouring you. “i will break you”

“nobody can break what’s already broken” your voice softly murmured onto his lips letting him caress the back of your head and grabbing your neck in a need of possessing you.

without mercy, he grabbed your head and with the other hand he bound his arm to your waist attaching you to him even closer. practically his member protruding your already soaked panties. grinding at the sign of your breath wanting more each time.

still with his hand in your head, almost taking a grip of your lower soft locks, his other hand ripped off your garments in a desperate attempt to make you feel impotent and unskillful. 

he kind of did achieve that, you were losing your mind over that touch. you were reminded you were there to make him feel like a total pathetic loser like he made you feel days ago in the terrace, not the other way around.

the thing is… you wanted him to be hurt, so impatient and needy only you could ease his throbbing dick pain.

after releasing from your clothing and his too. he admired in compass with his hands the brassier that held your pompous glistening breasts. his hands were without a doubt a complete mess, not even knowing where to start. after praising your bosoms, he liberated them with one hand from the white ladies’ wear.

oh, how did he spent so much time without his hand all over your soft bust. he internally begged to be allowed to pump himself in between your tits desiring to cream all over your chest. he could not wait any longer. his tip already bathed in clear sweet cum.

one of your hands rested easily on his cheek, caressing it with so much dedication. the other  guided anakin’s rough hand to your white cotton panties, a grinning smile garnishing his tanned face after realizing he had drenched his fingers with the wetness of your underwear.

you impose the infallible doe eyes to make him even more lustful for you, totally working wonders to any man. your hand left his in order to travel to his hard cock that was wishing to break free from his underpants. you pressed it softly earning from him a mellow whimper from his mouth.

“no man has ever touched me like that”  he raised a brow and approached you once again to drop all your clothing leaving you in complete nakedness.

“no one has ever made me feel like you have and you haven’t even been inside of me, you enchant me” was he going to believe all that? you kind of believe it yourself. perhaps that was why you were saying it. 

he took your hand and guided your little body to the bed. you took the liberty of smoothly pushing him and colocating yourself on top of his painful hard on. his thighs jelly like suffering from the silky touch were so impatient that he quickly took off the last piece of clothing on him and oppressed himself against your tiny seeping hole. 

you felt the sticky situation happening between both of your fully uncovered au naturel bits, it  felt so unreal, being on top of that whore of a man. the man was hot, there was no denying it. all you were excited about was starting to bounce. oh, was he on serious trouble.

you were going to give him the most unsustainable, burning and torturing minutes of his life by teasing him. your hips began rolling with a constant unstoppable rhythm, it felt so good having him agonizing, you could wait a little longer, no need to rush.

anakin panted and his tight problem become even more of a problem with no apparent solution. he was delirious, how could a woman like that make him feel so pathetic?

you could either let him suffer or giving him the pleasure of having control over you. 

fuck him, he deserved it. 

“bear it with fucking pride, baby” you said, licking the velvety surface of his nipples. 

you couldn’t have guessed how much time passed however it was starting to getting off your nerves. you wanted him pumping you but not as much as he wanted you.

how could a man be this pathetic? fool…

without previous announcement, you traced the tip of his member teasingly inserting it into your folds. hissing by the size of his dick, he au contraire warmed up by your insides whimpering in between a kiss.

how hypnotizing, you were starting to become surrounded by the grace of pleasure. 

“t-take all of me-e, doll” and so you did, you pushed him inside diligently. his veiny cock penetrated your gummy walls allowing you to stretch like you’ve never before.

after inserting himself fully, he prepared to move, feeling heavenly with each thrust. starting slow became faster and harder. melting at the friction his lower abdomen had to your hooded clit. your swollen hole became creamier and redder allowing you to enjoy the roughness of his movements.

“you feel amazing, ani” you felt great, but anakin felt even better and calling him that made him feel on the verge of seeing stars. but he contained. he would not let your first time together end so quickly because he was so horny. 

he was consumed by lust in its glory. all splattered across the bed for you. you rode him with impatience searching for your climax.

anakin was fucking pussy drunk. who would’ve thought. 

all he needed was your tight little drenched pussy. all made and delivered in a gold plate to him.

it was like his cock was carved according to your insides. perfectly fitting with every vain hitting the right spots. no dick had ever covered all of your walls like that. it was perfect for you.

“you make me feel so good, darling” he paced even faster, not allowing you to even breath. he had to put his effort with his hips but you were after all the one that had control over him, dominating his thighs and his big member.

without previous notice, he got his back up. resting it against the cold headboard. he wanted to see your tits flying on another perspective. 

his lips delivered a message to your breasts, biting softly and squeezing them together. his moans were muffled by his mouth attacking your chest, yours on the other hand were not discreet nor quiet.

all there was left was increasing volume and floppier thrusts when you felt closer to your high.

so you took it farther from him. you bit his ear and whispered.

“if you could see yourself right now”

did he listen to anything? not a single little thing. it was ecstasy to him and he was on another dimension all fucked up.

you pushed him even farther from your spongy spot abusing your poor cunt. finally caving in, your walls feeling the necessity to contract on his long dick.

you saw nothing but a static vision of pleasure, felt the expansion of electricity all over your body and your skin convulsed. the aftermath was very easy. it all came back to you. anakin was nothing but a jerk (who fucks good) however under no circumstance you would let him cum much less to irrigate himself inside of you.

you stopped yourself. finally breathing fully. he furrowed his brows and internally questioned your retrieval. he started feeling used, whose body was nothing but a sex toy available for her pleasure. she felt powerful leading him on like that. he did not deserve cumming. 

the emasculation of anakin skywalker was a first, he’d never been left with blue balls and he kinda started to understand that maybe his whole bitchy bad guy attitude was the reason why. 

nonetheless, this little joke on him made him realize no one had ever put him back in his place. literally all girls were thirsty and craving a fun night with him no matter the consequence, yet you were the one to make him feel like no one. like he was indeed the jerkiest of them all.

 he scoffed and looked up and down at you.  you had definitely left him speechless. as soon as you got up and started dressing up again, he became desperate. for you and of course for an answer to the situation he just couldn’t comprehend.

“well that was very fun, skywalker” you finally put on your belt and threw your hands to your hair to fix it up a little. yet anakin remained covered up in his mattress, panning and before you turned around to walk to the entrance, he grabbed you by the wrist. 

his grip was tight unlike how he grabbed your waist just minutes before, his eyes darkened and he finally spoke with a tad of clarity.

“fuck you, you made me think you were in the same shit with me the other day and now you pull this?” a typical ani, angry boy could never talk with soft expressions. your eyes redirected themselves to his bronzed and toned abdominal, his v line was making you drip inside, you’d wish that was your sight every morning. that was not the anakin you knew.

“well, wasn’t this a one time thing?” you innocently pouted your mouth. manipulating was the deal now, somehow you were trying to make him forever yours. would that even work?

he grunted and took you by the waist surrounding his arm on you and pulling you closer. 

“did i say that?” his visage made him look a bit mad but you assume it was just the fact you left him on the verge of spilling his seed. 

“i don’t fuck around, at least not with you” his lips pushed themselves together. ohh, his patience was easing. he was not going to put up with this.

“you know what? i don’t fucking need you, you whore” his grip on your body felt debilitating. you still need it. you couldn’t afford to lose him and not like this. “i could have any other bitch”

his gaze looked to the other side of the room, giving you a sort of a cold acknowledgement. 

“yeah, you wish” you instinctively got closer to him. “you’ll always know you have cum in all of the girls around here but, me. i think that oughta sting, or am i wrong?”

his face tightened and so did his grip. his arms became more stiff and his eyes slowly met yours.

“someday, you’ll regret it, honey” he breathed out. “you’d know you missed out on something great”

you powerfully smiled and talked to his ear. “it’s an all or nothing with me, ani” 

he scoffed again and his expression meant ridicule. his attitude was ridiculous but you had to let him know. he wasn’t going to be getting it on with you and having it all so freely. you had some dignity and you’d had to preserve it for the most. 

“so you’re saying i either date you and fuck all i want with you or i don’t and don’t fuck with you at all?” he emphasized these lasts words. 

“oh my ani, i never pegged you for smarty pants. just thought you were a drop-your-pants kinda guy” you let out a small laugh and turn your right cheek to your shoulder. girl was sassy and we knew it all along. 

“haha” he gave out a fake laughter and dropped his hands from your body and grabbed the sheets to his waist, providing him a more covered look (did it help? not at all) he still looked yummy. his forehead was still full of droplets of salty sweat and his chest glistened with most beautiful bliss. 

the silence reigned now over the room, air conditioning working was all you both could hear and the occasional steps outside in the hall. you really couldn’t feel uncomfortable at all, it was just confusing. 

“you know i don’t date” you turned around giving up, but that was not your plan yet.

“never told you i wanted to date you” your hands met your face and because your face was not in his sight you didn’t know how he was reacting, that felt scary. “i think if i wanted to date someone i could have someone way better than you, don’t you think?” 

“i mean, someone compromising, dedicated, strong and with a gorgeous mane” 

ding again, you had just loosened up his pretentious ego.

lovely how you can just fuck him up so easily

“am i not all that? or what’s wrong with me?” 

his face dropped and while that happened you smirked. oh how were tables turned now.

“now i got to be leaving, it’s getting late”

his glance started weakening and you felt stronger than ever.

“what should i do now?”

you turned your head and with your somber eyes you reprised.

“find someone to fix you, right? trying to be a better man? not much of a heartless man now, ani?”

with not much left to say, your hand reached the button to open the door, and passing through the threshold, he dropped.

“stay the night?” 

your hand grabbed the door frame, stopping for a moment.

hot jedi from tatooine, my ass

and without thinking it much, your body deserved way more. 

the door closed behind you and walking peacefully, your mind felt clearer. post-nut clarity was very useful. 

guess, i’m the heartless one after all…

[nylwnder]

muddy mess

a/n: hiiiiiiiiiiiiii my bbs!!!!!!!!! okay, i have made you guys wait so long for this and i honestly never expected this to end up at 6k?? didn't even know i am capable of such a word count but its all for uuuu guys!! i hope you love it as much as i loved writing it (even if it took me longer than i would have wanted, in which sorry pls forgive me <3 i hate uni) i added some suggestions from u guys (like making the reader latina again!). also yes, this is indeed the end of the smutty series and i absolutely loved this opportunity to be soooo slutty with you guys!!! dw, i have a lot of ideas still flowing and i can't wait to share that during the rest of 2025 :) enjoy whores!

pairing: william nylander x latina!reader 

warnings: SMUT!! oral (f! receiving), fingering, p in v, unprotected sex, creampie, dog walker!reader, use of spanish (with translations in brackets), swearing, mutual pinning, just being lowkey obsessed with each other, pablo and banksy referred to as willy's kids (cause they are), beau mention!!!!! (my dog <333333)

word count: 6.3k

taglist:  @shoot-the-puck, @lukepangburn118 , @hawkeyefierce , @boqvistsbabe , @sweetiet , @p1tstop , @occasionallyaurora , @laurenairay , @fallinallincurls , @andrea9 , @dylpickle4791 , @biznastysloneshift12 , @dramatic-queen , @willianmylander

series masterpost 

the day was nice, one of the reasons why autumn was your favourite season. the air is a welcoming crisp, enough to wear a long sleeve or a lightly layered outfit, complimenting the bright and shining sun that grazed everyone’s faces. the city was bright with warm tones, the yellow and orange leaves littering the ground like a sunset. 

you had gotten ready in the morning to head to your first client, your only client, your favourite client. you hooked the leash on your own dog, beau, and headed out the door. walking to the apartment building you know all too well, welcoming yourself to the front desk per usual. 

once the elevator doors sprung open to the correct level, beau had made his way to the door in excitement. smelling through the crack and wagging his tail. cracking open the lock with your key, you’re met with your usual sight: three dogs greeting each other in pure joy. afterwards, the other two greet you with licks to any and all exposed skin. 

“hola chavalitos, ay si mi preciouso!” (hi kiddos, oh yes you cuties!!) you exclaim. 

you close the door behind you, as the pups run to the living room to continue saying hello. beginning to play with some toys while you grab the necessities for pablo and banksy. willy always left everything you needed neatly for you on a table everytime he left them for practice, a game or a road trip. you always appreciated his consideration, sometimes wasting far too much time trying to find a leash or a harness in a crowded mess with other clients.   

you call pablo and banksy over, kneeling down to get them all geared up while beau waits patiently beside them. “you are such good boys aren't you!” you smile, patting one before turning to set up the other. 

you must admit, you have never walked more well behaved dogs in your life. sure there was the odd excitement for a squirrel or an eager pull to the dog park, but never a hassle and always something you could manage. in all honesty, you didn't even really need the leashes, since william has accustomed them to behave perfectly fine without them. but for safety and formality, you chose to do so. 

that also meant you couldn't deny working full time for william, when he asked. with the way his schedule seemed to mesh perfectly with your life, not to mention the way beau had managed to bond with his adorably curly rascals—and william—it seemed like an easy decision. willy also made sure to meet up to expectations, to make sure it was worth it to invest all your time in him and his pups. sure, you would have done it for free, out of pure love and care for pablo and banksy… and william, but this was your job. your source of income for the moment. and will understood that. 

that also meant the butterflies and fuzzy feeling you felt whenever you would catch willy still in the apartment, fresh out of the shower, shirt nowhere to be seen and sweats hanging deliciously low around his waist, was to be pushed aside. and buried. deep, deep underground. 

you had to ignore the way your heart pounded a little faster and a little louder when his hand would gently touch your waist to catch your attention on a matter before he left. or the way his fingers would grace your own when he would take the boys’ stuff out of your hands. 

or hide the blush that laced your face when he would offer to hang out when he was back. or call you on his free days. you didn't have to say yes, maybe you really shouldn't have, to maintain a sense of independence and professionalism, but you said yes, because you wanted to. you wanted to so fucking bad. 

and you definitely had to stop feeling the small ounce of jealousy whenever you found a particular article of clothing that certainly belonged to a girl, scattered somewhere on the edge of the bed or near the back of the couch. not to mention, that one day you were met face to face by a girl in the kitchen, startled by your presence. you were about to explain yourself before william came out to introduce you to her. 

you could notice the way her eyes watched you with a layered sense of bothersome, and you couldn't help but smile. when she noticed the way william spoke to you, with joy and ease. words laced with love and gratitude. with the way he hugged you, in front of her, holding you against the stern build of his chest. his hands falling low, to the small of your back. he thanked you quietly and gently in your ear. not just for taking care of pablo and banksy, and loving them like him (if not more), but for being there for him. and with him. for making him smile. for being you. 

he did that often. 

—

you guys did your usual walk around the yorkville area. heading to the park and letting the boys roam around and enjoy their time together. you always stopped to let them smell and explore, it was their walk after all. 

you made it to the off-leash area, unhooking their leashes and closing the gate behind you, making sure no other pups escaped while you entered. the boys ran around, greeting other pups and engaging in playful games and fights. beau wasn’t too much of a social dog and easily gets overwhelmed, so after a few sniffs he makes his way back to you. he hops up on the bench that you were sitting and watching from. 

you gave him a few pets around the ears, “all done today, bubs? buen chico!” (good boy!) your phone then suddenly began to buzz in your pocket. 

standing up slightly to grab it, you see your mother’s picture on the screen. “hola mami” (hi mom) 

“mija, como estas?” (my daughter, how are you?) 

“bien mamá, estoy en el parque con los chuchitos. y tu y papi?” (i’m okay, just at the park with the dogs. how are you and dad?) 

“ay chavala, siempre estás en el parque, siempre con esos perros. cuando vas a encontrar un buen hombre mija, ah?” (you’re always at the park, and always with those dogs. when are you going to find a good man, huh?)

“mamá…” 

“william! siempre estás con ese william. y él? estás seguro de que solo cuidas a sus perritos?” (you’re always with william. what about him? are you sure you only take care of his dogs?)

“si, mamá. for the hundredth time, i'm just the dog walker.” 

“mhmm, y yo solo soy tu madre. y le has dicho que te gusta? no estoy diciendo que tengas que casarte con él mañana, pero—” (and i'm only your mom. have you told him that you like him? i'm not telling you to go marry him tomorrow but—)

“ay dios mío, mamá no estoy saliendo con william!” (oh my god, mom im not dating william!)

“entonces, por qué sientes que desearías estar saliendo con él? estoy segura de que a él también le gustas, nena.” (then why does it feel like you want to date him? i'm sure he likes you too, sweetie)

you play with your hair, standing up and turning to check on pablo and banksy, completely distracted by your mother’s interrogation. not like you should have been surprised, this isn't the first time. 

“okay. lo único que digo es que si no te arriesgas, el universo podría empujarte en la dirección correcta.” (im only saying, if you don't put yourself out there, the universe might just push you in the right direction)

“okay mamá, tengo que ir. te amo, cuidate.” (okay mom, i have to go. i love you, take care)

“te amo también, cariño. tu papá te llamará después del trabajo, vale?” (i love you too, sweetie. your dad will call you after work, okay?)

“okay, bye.”

only a single breath after your words, you find your foot slipping in a hidden patch of mud near a part of the fence. you go flying forwards, your phone tumbling down in front of you. you crunch the dry leaves on the floor and begin feeling the cold and moist ground under you. the dogs bark, coming to your face and sniffing all around you. banksy jumps on you, you gently push him down to allow yourself to get up as quickly as possible. 

this cannot be happening right now. 

groaning, covered in mud from knees to torso, you mumbled to yourself…“she cursed me”.

there weren’t many people inside the dog park at the time, that doesn’t mean you didn't feel a heavy wash of embarrassment flood over you. not to mention the fact that the people who did witness the accident didn’t offer a hand or ask if you were alright. perhaps because you leashed the dogs and left equally as quick as you fell. 

you walked all the way back to william’s apartment with a huge brown patch of dirt covering the entire front of your body. you kept your head low, and walked until you reached the comfort of the familiar sliding doors of the elevator. turning to look at the mirror behind you, you looked hilarious. 

the elevator opened and you unlocked willy’s door, letting the dogs free. you made sure to not step too far into the apartment, not wanting to make too much of a mess with your muddy shoes. you left them neatly in a corner, planning on cleaning them after you cleaned yourself up first. 

yes, you could have walked back to your apartment and gotten into your own shower. but you did not feel like walking another 10 blocks with eyes scattering towards you while you smelt like dog shit. because you did. since it probably was a mixture of both that you so beautifully chose to land on today.

william was supposed to make it home from a road trip sometime in the afternoon, so you knew you had time. plus, he had mentioned that you could use anything you wanted when you were over, “whatever you need” he assured you. anyways, you have stayed over at his place when he's been gone for long roadtrips, to ensure his boys eat well and are taken care of besides a walk. you knew the place like the back of your hand if you were being honest. hell, he’s even caught you singing to selena and dancing with the pups when he’s come home. 

did he join you? perhaps. he can't deny that he enjoyed the view. the domestic-ness of it all. it was always him & his dogs in the city they call home. but when was it going to grow by one? the one. 

that being said, you never actually used his shower before, going as far as stopping by at your own place to do anything like that. plus it allowed you to switch out the clothes you had packed. it was something you felt you should do, to establish those boundaries and solidify your professionalism. but right now, he would understand the situation that you were in. no, he wouldn't mind you assured yourself.

you walked into the bathroom, grabbing a plastic bag on your way over to put your clothes in so they wouldn’t dirty the floor. you got in, relishing in the welcoming drip of water, and awaiting the fresh and clean scent of soap. 

his body wash. it stood on the shelf before you grabbed it. the smell was intoxicating, as you poured it into your hands. it smelled like him everytime he passed by you after practice. everytime he left before a game. the days he's hugged you, the scent still lingering in his neck and his hair. 

it felt wrong. maybe you really should have gone home. but you were already in here. “its fine i’ll be done before he gets home.” you mumbled. 

clothes. what were you going to wear? no you couldn't possibly grab one of his hoodies and sweats. maybe you could put them in the washer. yes of course, thats what ill do… but what if he comes home by then? what will i wear? i’ll be naked!

you quickly scrubbed yourself clean, all over your legs and stomach, the dirt having transferred through your clothes and stained your skin. you could do this fast and he wouldn't even know you were in there. but then the door opened and you heard footsteps and waddles and happy whines coming from the dogs.

he's here. 

you heard him greet the dogs like usual, and could sense his figure getting closer towards the bathroom. he called out your name. 

ay dios mío, “in here!” 

“everything alright?” he asked, standing near a corner so that he couldn't see through his standing shower, respecting your privacy. 

“had a bit of a, um- muddy mess…” 

you heard him giggle, and you couldn’t help but feel a tad embarrassed again. he mentioned he saw your shoes at the door. 

“i’m sorry, i didn't really wanna walk all the way home like that. plus i'm pretty sure i fell in dog shit.” 

he shared a chuckle again. “that's okay, told you, whatever you need.”

you continued to rinse. “i’ll be done in a sec.” silence fell between the two of you but you could feel william hadn't moved from his spot. 

“do you want some help?” he asked. it could pass as a gentle, genuine and innocent question from the outside. but was it more layered than a friendly check in? oh most definitely. 

yes. yes. yes. “no i’m fine. i can manage.” 

another silence hit the air, but your mind was racing, and your mouth spoke before you had time to acknowledge that fact. 

“just, my clothes. need to wash them.” 

you heard the bag rattle from outside the shower. “could help if i rinse them under the water first” william says, tone calm and calculated. 

this between-the-lines conversation between the two of you was beginning to feel more real by the second. the feelings the two of you have for each other are beginning to get stronger and stronger. you didn't know how much longer you could rub it off. 

“is that okay?” he asked, the words like a spell lulling your rationality away. 

“yeah. thats okay.” more than okay. 

you hear a bit of shuffling before the shower door opens. your heart is racing, pounding in your ears. 

his eyes catch yours the second he makes his way inside. he makes sure to keep them there, never going down, not even if he wanted to. because he really wanted to. 

you're known to be such a poised person. presentable, confident and almost always at ease. but william makes you nervous, not like anything you’ve ever experienced. it's insane really. 

he inches closer to your figure, your clothes in his hand. you're backed up against the wall, noticing the way he's fully clothed. and the more he got closer to you the more his shirt started to get wet. and his pants and the ends of his hair. 

“willy” you mutter, soft and sweet. 

william had been fighting the urge to grab you by the hips and kiss you for two years now. a cruel amount of time really. “baby, can i?” he asks, quietly and gently. 

“mhmm” it comes out more whiney than you had anticipated. your composure completely lost. 

his lips connect with yours and they mold into each other like you’ve done it before. forming a rhythm together like it was habit. your hand dug into his hair, making a home at the nape of his neck. his body pressed into yours, your nipples hard against his cold wet shirt. you felt a shiver overcome you when his lips parted yours for a breath. 

“you pinche cabrón” (fucking asshole) 

“excuse me?” he asks playfully, with a smirk on his face. he knows the word, he's heard it plenty from you. 

“you made me wait that long?” you say, looking up and gaining a bit of your confidence back. 

“i made you wait? what about me?” he said, a smile on his face. 

“it's not my fault you didn't ask me earlier.”

“well i asked you now..” he says, wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling you in for another kiss. 

“you better show me what i've been missing for two years” you say against his lips, with a smirk.  

“oh älskling, you don't even know.” he says, looking down at you with his signature grin. you giggle back, god you're a sucker for him.  

he hangs your clothes over the gap of the shower door while you tug at his own. he pulls his shirt up and over his head looking down for the first time since he came in here. 

a part of him feels the need to look away, to give you your privacy, but as you stand there before him, your skin covered in water droplets, warm against his own, he can’t do anything but stare. he takes in the curve of your breasts and how the light coming into the shower softly hits your nipples. his hands feel their way down your body, caressing the curves of your hips. his hands continue making their way down, rubbing over your ass and squeezing the bottom of them. a hushed moan escapes you. 

“you're beautiful. truly beautiful.” he says, one of his hands reaching for the back of your head, making you look up at him and smile. blushing just a bit, you're not immune to his charm. you’ll never be. 

his finger comes up and wipes off a smudged mark of mud from your jaw. your fingers ache to reciprocate a touch, so you bring your hand to rake down his torso, feeling the tufts of hair that litter his chest all the way down to the lines that sculpt him. you can feel the heat radiating off of him, alluring and comforting. 

your fingers go for his pants button, willy looking down as you unbutton them and yank them down, along with his boxers. he helps kick them off, grabbing them and hanging them near your own. 

you really don’t know what else to do but stare. “bueno mierda” (well, fuck) you whisper subtly. 

he grabs your chin and tilts your head back up towards him, letting his lips meet yours once again. his arms wrap around your lower back, making you arch off the wall and press yourself against him. water fell through the cracks between the two of you. sliding over your body, you don't know how much it's masking the pool between your thighs.  

you try your best to buck your hips, trying to seek any friction against william, his cock getting hard against you making you spiral. sensing your neediness for a while now, he gives you one last kiss before making his way down, leaving a kiss between your boobs and one on the curved line below your stomach. you hear your heart beating in your ears again, equally as hard as the thud in your core. 

his mouth leaves a sloppy wet kiss right on your clit. “got such a pretty pussy, princess” 

“willy” you moan, he looks up at you with a smirk.

“what's wrong baby?” he asks sweetly, hands on the sides of your thighs. 

you give out a whimper, “please” 

“what do you want, älskling?” he wants to pry those words out of you.

“eat me.” por favor!!!!! 

“that's it, sweets.” he praises, not a single word said without that stupid smile. you keep feeling it against your folds, when his tongue licks a long stripe against your pussy. he groans at your taste doing it once again and again and again. you should be embarrassed by the way your thighs are shaking by his head, william in love with just how reactive you are to his touch. to him. 

“feel better, baby?” 

you internally scoff. “more” you mutter, jerking your hips. 

his smirk takes a bite out of your clit, rolling and sucking it. he moves back down, his tongue piercing your aching hole, his nose bumping into you, your eyes roll back. he was trying to be sweet, soft, gentle—he really was—but you, god, you drive him fucking crazy and all too quickly he's getting rough as he delivers hard sucks to your clit, mouthing at your pussy. your sweet sounds echoing in the small space, it's downright sinful that you could hear the way he's eating you out, even against the shower, the slurps and licks of a man starved ring in your ears.

his eyes flicker up to you to watch the way your face contorted in pleasure so gracefully. he's surrounded by your smell, the warmth of your thighs and your moans and he wouldn't want it any other way. you can't form a coherent thought, your mind is gone and all you can focus on is how good his tongue feels on you, how he eats you with such hunger, dedication and consideration no other man has taken the time to feed you. he lets you grind against his face, lets you use him for your pleasure.

“fuck!” you moan. the tight tug on his hair and your heavy breathing alerts william that you're close. moving his hands up to your hips, he pulls himself up, wasting no time to stick two fingers inside of you. you open your eyes and find his own, glowing with lust, and your lips part when you feel his cock lined up to your entrance, pushing in with one strong thrust. god, he slips all the way in. fills you up so full that you cry, stutter a sob, breath caught in the back of your throat. brain going cloudy, body melting into his and you question if this is real.

but then william grabs you by the ass to wrap your legs around his, pinning you to the cold tiled wall of the shower and you want his arms to keep you stable and grounded. one of his hands is glued to your side, the other kneading one of your breasts, pinching your nipple and making you bite your lip to suppress your moans. 

“you’re so tight, älskade” willy says, suppressing his own whimper. your walls contract around him as he speaks, as his mouth leaves kisses to your collarbone and teeth graze your pulse point. 

a few thrusts was all you needed. 

all you needed until a mumbling spanish mess escapes you. where your hands scratch into william’s shoulder and willy groans at the overwhelming grip you have on him, both inside and out. where your core is a warm and wet and snug nirvana. 

the water hitting you wakes you back up, helps you blink back into reality. held by your utopia, except the man in front of you is real this time, and not just the leading man of your dreams. the face you would pray for at a time you never thought that any of this could happen, that you could never be together.

you keep asking yourself what was that rule you felt you were breaking, when you look into his eyes now. sure, he was your employer, but what HR department can forbid this? when you are two grown adults in a mutual agreement with shared love for two poodle mixes. when the two of you bonded and understood each other more than some of the couples you would see out on the streets and at events. it wasn't pretend between the two of you. it never would be. how could it be? this is the realest thing that could be happening to someone. 

“been thinking about this the second i met you” he murmurs against your lips.

you whined again, pulling him closer with your arms, desperate for more. “then don’t stop”

his grin is contagious, you swear. and you can't help but giggle when he turns the water off and carries you all the way to the bed. throwing you gently on the mattress, letting his cock slip out of you momentarily. 

your wet curls flicker water droplets to your face and neck. william shakes his head and more fall off, each one falling on you. you’re a giggling mess, pushing him gently by the chest and telling him to stop. he shares a laugh, leaning in to kiss you for what seems like the millionth time in the past sequence you two have shared. and yet it's not enough. he needs more, to feel and taste every single crevice of you. love every single atom of your body.

his tongue licks the smeared wetness on your neck, leaving open mouth kisses on the droplets that remain untouched on your skin. your skin grows hot yet goosebumps appear one by one over your figure. the reaction your body has to him is confusing and exhilarating. william is caressing parts of yourself you hadn’t known existed, and each with little fuss. he moves, and you fall apart at the seams. he breathes, and you would crumble at his feet. he looks your way, and you are prepared to kneel at his altar. you get lost in the moment, in his mesmerizingly blue eyes and upturned mouth. 

he licks a stripe up your stomach and a shiver rolls over you. his mouth then attaches to one of your breasts and a gasp escapes you. he rolls it around in his mouth and sucks, reciprocating the action to the other one. your hand moves to the nape of his neck, sharing a light tug on the strands that sat there. “will” you whined, relishing in the movements of his mouth, however eager to feel him deep inside you again. 

“m’sorry sweets” he says, apologizing for his little sidequest. you were just so mesmerizing, he couldn't help but get distracted by you. you smile while he looks up at you. he grabs your hips and shifts you higher up the bed, so your head could lay near a pillow that he dragged down for you. 

he fits in between the slot of your open legs perfectly, leans down to greet your lips so swiftly, grabs the back of your thighs with grace and lifts them to sit on his shoulders with ease. “this okay, älskling?” 

“perfect” you reply, hands gripping his forearms tightly. slowly, he guides himself to your entrance again, rubbing the tip against your clit before swiping down and pushing in. he gives a good hearty thrust, making sure to bottom out, and your breath stutters. you will never get enough of the way he stretches you. 

your fingers move upwards on his arms, letting your nails gently graze him. you look up at him, memorizing every single crease and crevice on his body. he's licking his lips, watching the way your eyes explore him and your cheeks blush at him reciprocating the action. both of you engrossed by the idea of being together like this, while he's stuffed deep inside you, like your cum isnt all over his mouth and fingers and cock. 

will you two ever get enough of each other? no, you simply couldn’t. 

william leans into you more, feeling the way your thighs push into your body. his thrusts began to find a steady pace, one that feeds every single spongy part inside you. the sound of your pussy squelching fills your ears, followed by william’s soft moans, the grumble spilling into your open mouth as he lays a kiss. 

“goddamn sweets, hear how wet you are for me?”

a pathetic whine leaves your lips. the sounds coming from the two of you are so lewd but your toes curl and your head spins and your heart pounds and it's the best fucking feeling you have ever experienced in the world. 

you have never had a man take the time for you. make sure he reaches parts of your body that you weren’t even sure were there. now you know and you don’t ever want to go back.

“cariño” you moan, yanking at the chain that sits around his neck. you pull him down to you, biting down on his lips as you clench around and you hear a whimper escape him. 

the effect he has on you is the same as you have on him. the way you look up at him, with so much love and appreciation. like he is capable of giving you everything you have ever wanted, his heart cant help but swell. he cant help but make sure you feel that love back, cause fuck do you deserve it more than him sometimes. for everything you have ever done for him, for being undeniably you every single fucking day and giving him the priveledge to witness that as close as he has. he's been enamoured by you for so long, he didn't know what to do for much longer if he couldn't have you. 

as both your needs become more demanding, his hips begin to slap against yours. moans and whines slip past your lips before you can even begin to try and stop them, and you cry out as he continues to speed up. the noises he is drawing from your body are embarrassing if you didn't adore the way he feels inside of you to the point that you can think of nothing else. you wish to be like this as much as you can, full to the brim with his cock.

he begins to twitch inside you the more you begin to tighten around him. he even felt it hard to exit you with the way you squeezed him so hard, like you feared he would leave and never come back. he has never felt this deliciously overwhelmed. 

not too long after, you feel a warmth calm the pressure in your stomach, both of you having a sense of heavenly pleasure wash over you, one you both only dreamed of sharing together. one william would wake up in the morning to, cock hard and sore against his boxers. like he didn't have to act normal around you when you came to pick up the kids, but his cheeks couldn’t help but blush. 

“attagirl” he whispers in your ear, as you take all of his cum with open legs in one single final thrust. you blush at the feeling, at his words, at the fact that he has marked you, a silent call that you are his and he is yours and there's no looking back. 

he slides out of you, letting your legs fall slowly to the sides and wrapping his arms around your back, arching you off the bed and pulling you to sit in his lap. he moves the two of you so that he can sit against a pillow and his headboard. your lips connect with his, kissing as your conjoined cum begins to drip out of you and into william’s lap. 

you look back to see, and begin to feel a little shy, a ball of butterflies forming in your stomach, the ones that frequently visit you when you’re around will. you tuck your face into his neck scooting closer to him, wrapping your legs around his form. “you're so hot, baby” willy says, knowing his praise will make you feel less embarrassed by the crude site. 

little does he know his praise makes you all the more needy. 

you feel a desire deep in your core again, and you grind your wet pussy against his softening cock—a surge of confidence has come back to you. 

he gives out a little moan into your hair, hands moving to your hips where he squeezes. “you want more, älskade?” 

you bite your lip, “is that okay?” you can't get enough of him, sue me! you think to yourself. 

“i thought you'd never ask” he replies with a smirk, and you can't help but giggle back. 

you place your hands on his thick shoulders, letting yourself slide down onto him. both of you gasped, he went in so easy with your conjoined juices still around your walls. you rested there for a second, leaning your head back with a moan. you feel william twitch inside you, more sensitive to your core than before. 

“you’re so pretty like this,” willy mutters, slotting his lips over yours, “stuffed with my cock.”

“oh my god,” you quiver, shaking your head, begging for him to just shut up cause he’s making you lightheaded. he’s so deep inside of you, hitting that spot so far back that you so deliciously discovered today. his cock keeps twitching every now and then, forcing a pout onto your lips as he looks at you. you haven’t even moved and you feel so fucking close already.

you begin to roll your hips around, letting his pubic bone rub your clit every time you grind down. willliam’s hands move up your sides, cupping your boobs as they sway with your movements. he shares a whimper at the sight, as you start bouncing on him. though it isn’t much longer before your thighs begin to shake, already inching closer to that sweet release. 

willy wraps his hands around your frame, tightly pressing you into him as he lays down and thrusts up into you. you whimper repeatedly, body instinctively tightening, and he groans roughly, as if the way you clamp down around him is testing every last ounce of his control. 

as william’s thrusts get faster, they also get sloppier. he’s insanely pussydrunk and the only thing going through his mind is you. your name, how good you feel, how pretty you look. you're biting his neck as he pumps into you, sure you're seeing stars as the divine sting between your legs continues. 

you both don’t seem to last long, getting lost in each other once again. willy’s hand is in your hair, digging his fingertips deep into your scalp and yanking just a bit. his own thighs stutter and shake a bit as he cums into your already drenched cunt again. your pussy makes sure to milk every last drop from him as you needily bite another mark into his neck. you’ve wanted to mark him for so long now. 

now you can.

—

you lay against his pillows, the aftershocks still honey-sweet where they thud in your core. your legs still recovering from their jelly-like state as you have them sprawled out. william’s head resting on your propped up thigh. looking up at you while you played with his hair. he reciprocated the tender affection by rubbing small circles on your other thigh. 

he looked at you in awe. proud that he finally had succumbed to his love for you. that he didn't have to keep holding back, telling himself he couldn’t touch you, or kiss you, or spend every waking moment with you. that you didn't have to go home and leave him every time. he couldn’t stop thinking about you since the moment you were mentioned as an avid dog lover by his teammates, a recommended nanny for his boys. he couldn’t get over the way pablo and banksy were so loving and friendly with you on your first meeting and every single one thereafter. the way they would wait for you every single time. 

you are the one.

“when do you have to go?” you asked. 

“like 4 hours or so…” you liked that answer, smiling and running your hands through his hair again. even so, it wasn’t enough. this was your first taste of intimate, domestic life with willy. you didn't want to let go of it yet…. dreaming of staying in this apartment with him, not leaving until you’re left weak in the knees, reaching unwritten orgasm records. just all of it, you want all of it.

“can you wait till the very last minute?” 

“come with me. wear the jersey i got you and come with me.” the jersey in mention obviously being his own. you wore it to a game already once, and felt the tension with him when he came over to greet you after the game, the way his eyes hit yours and his hands lingered around you and the way his jaw seemed strained and tight every time he would see his name written on your back. you went home incredibly flustered that night, that you can admit.

“i can finally do what i was dying to do last time.” he says mischievously, your pussy throbbed at the thought. a thought you had since that night, and one your pathetic fingers couldn't have possibly held up to. 

“hm, but i was going to invite mi papa,” you joked, your purposeful mood killer. seeing the way he rolled his eyes and huffed. “he would love to see you, he loved the game last time.”

“another day, i promise. just not tonight, please.” he says, grabbing you by the hips and bringing you down the bed to reach eye to eye. his cock now tucked against your thigh, semi-soft. 

“fine, but he would have loved to see you guys fuck the bolts.” you both giggle. 

“you better win, by the way. or no extracurricular activities like you have planned out in that head.” 

“is that a threat?” his grin unsurprisingly present.

“you bet on it” you inch closer to his face, words spoken against his lips. “necesitas ganártelo, cariño.” (you need to earn it, honey) william understands your challenge.

“well i will, you can mark my words.” he says, giving your plushy hips a squeeze. his lips envelope yours in a series of kisses, arms wrapping around his neck. 

maybe this would have happened eventually—once you both stepped over this nonexistent barrier between the two of you—but god are you grateful that being covered in shit brought you to this bliss. 

…maybe your mom was right after all.

[ enjoyed reading? join my taglist! : click here <3 ]

[astonmartinii]

Hi, love your work. Could you please write a Lando Norris x engineer!reader thank you 🥰

team bonding | lando norris social media au

pairing: lando norris x engineer!reader

people start to notice the chemistry between lando and his race engineer

yourusername

liked by landonorris, danielricciardo and 11,067 others

tagged: yourbff

yourusername: life between races ✨

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lilaclando part time race enginner full time mother

landonorris so where was my karaoke invite?

yourusername you'd really come all the way from monaco to do karaoke with my uni friends ???

landonorris duh

mclarenlover he's so in love you can't tell me otherwise

oscarpiastri the real question is what song did you sing?

yourusername man i feel like a women obviously

oscarpiastri taste as always

landonorris

liked by yourusername, estebanocon and 601,843 others

landonorris: what happens at the monaco after party stays at the monaco after party

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babynorris i did not know lando was friends with mick and este but i am living for this

estebanocon the best nights are the ones you don't remember

mickschumacher where is dj lando?

lando4ever are we all just collectively ignoring the girl in the last slide?

leclerc16x call me delusional but that looks like his race engineer

landonorizzzzz ur delusional (i hope you're right)

f1wagsupdates

liked by lando4ever, lilacleclerc and 1,304 others

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f1wagsupdates: in his most recent post lando norris included a picture of a girl many believe to be his race engineer y/n y/ln. she's worked with lando for just over a year and are a beloved duo in f1, with their radio conversations being a huge source of entertainment. what do you think of this potential couple: cute or unprofessional?

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babygirllando i think it would be cute... i mean we've all heard the radios... the one when lando crashed... she was so stressed

maxyverstappen i mean that's kinda her job?

kittyrussell as much as i would love this couple, they work together like HR violation ???

norrisszn maybe the issue here is y'all assuming everything all the time ? they're clearly friends? i didn't know you couldn't party with your friends

LN4 literally people assume shit every time and cause the issues

f1

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tagged: landonorris

f1: lando norris is back on the podium in austria after some quick thinking from his race engineer y/n y/ln helped the brit undercut the alpines to take third!

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landonorris your fave duo tearing it up

yourusername we slayed 💅

glitterlando I DON'T CARE WHAT THAT RAT STEINER SAYS THEY’RE CUTE AND PROFESSIONAL

planetdannyric this is what you get steiner - double haas dnf and y/n being a big component of lando's podium KARMA

danielricciardo team work makes the dream work !! happy for you two 🏆

hugsforlando danny being a landoy/n shipper so true of him

landonorris

liked by danielricciardo, yourusername and 531,778 others

tagged: yourusername

landonorris: after the last couple weeks, y/n has been subject to the most ridiculous and disgusting ridicule from people from within our own sport. y/n y/ln is one of the most talented individuals in f1 and i am forever grateful that she is on my team! i think we all saw how important she is to my success, so appreciation post for my rock! x

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howdyricciardo god they are so cute whether they're a couple or just friends

yourusername awwww thank you lando i don't care what they say we continue to slay

landonorris lets fucking go

flowersforlando i need this couple to happen fuck steiner

smoooooothoperator no cause power couple for real

yourusername

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yourusername: don't let any man tell you that you can't do it

p.s. slagging off your drivers in your book and on national television is more unprofessional than anything i could ever do

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mickschumacher ❤️

danielricciardo as the children say - mother

landonorris forever proud of you y/n

yourusername thank you landinho

maxverstappen1 let's gooooooooo

carlossainz55 tell them !!

landonorris

liked by carlossainz55, alexalbon and 772,109 others

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landonorris: what if i told you i don't care, our team chemistry is unmatched

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yourusername not exactly how i thought we were going to do this but i love you silly ❤️

landonorris i love you more

danielricciardo so it is true !!! was about to ask you if you finally grew some balls and asked

landonorris dude don't out me on main

lewishamilton so so happy for you guys !!

yoursricciardo omg parents

lovelylando they make me believe in love for real

yourusername

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tagged: landonorris

yourusername: i'd take all the shit in the world to stay with you ❤️

p.s. let's get that win baby

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violetleclerc i will be seated for lando's maiden win and y/n excellence

landonorris i love you so much (and the win is coming, i can feel it)

yourusername you'll get what you deserve in due time

maxverstappen1 does the camera man not get a shout out?

yourusername thank you for being our personal photographer, not my fault you tackle my phone out of my hands whenever i try to take a pic of you :/

note: hope you enjoyed, i'm finally getting through the requests !! xx

[ssentimentals]

seventeen members as love tropes: lee chan

age gap (younger/older)

'open your eyes and see, i'm all you'll ever need'

'age is just a number.'

you sigh, turning to look at chan. 'how many times you're going to repeat that?'

'as many times as it'll take to stick in your head,' he responses easily, ignoring your flat tone and bad mood. 'age is just a number, it means nothing. so what that i am younger? does that make me less of a man?'

'lee chan, i just failed my economy midterm, how about we'll discuss the nuances of what it takes to be a man a bit later?' you deadpan, trying to keep a strict face when boy in front of you blushes.

channie blushes so prettily, you can't help but notice. he, in general, is a very pretty boy, something that you unfortunately also can't help but notice. his profile is worth painting a picture for, his smile makes you feel warm even in the coldest days and his energy levels never fail to surprise you. he also is, well, younger. much younger.

'it's just one midterm,' he soothes and moves closer, taking something out of his bag. 'it won't heavily affect your overall score, no? here, i bought your favorite croissants with pistachio from that bakery down the street.'

you frown. 'down the street? that's a really expens- channie, those croissants are really expensive.'

boy next to you has the audacity to simply shrug his shoulders like it's not a big deal. 'so what? you like them, right?' at your nod, he smiles. 'then it's okay that they are expensive.'

and it's- terribly sweet. extremely thoughtful. very kind. chan treats you like no one did before and you two are not even dating. he's finishing his first year in uni, works half-time in the library and has several basketball trainings a week but somehow always finds time for you. he is there when you're on your close-up duty in the coffee shop you work, always with umbrella cause he knows you don't have one and waits patiently for you to check all locks and then walks you back to the dormitory under the 'it's so dark outside, it's unsafe' excuse. he remembers your favorite everything from snacks to tv shows and always sends you funny memes about them to cheer you up during midterms/exams week or leaves something at your dorm for you to pick up. he listens to your endless rambles about what awaits you after uni as you're on your last year and lets you cry it out on his shoulder, never minding wet patches you leave on his shirts. chan could've been your boyfriend, really. but he's so young and you feel like you're robbing him out of experiencing this university at full even when your age difference is not that big. but why would a first year boy date forth year girl?

'you're supposed to eat them, you know,' he gently nudges your shoulder, pulling you out of sad thoughts. 'have they already gone cold? we have microvewave on our floor, if you wait here i can quickly run-'

'no need,' you interrupt, barely breathing due to how tight your chest is. exactly how much this boy is ready to do for you? 'i'll eat it like that. thank you very much, channie.'

he beams at you and he really has no business in being this cute, it does something weird to your heart. you both sit in comfortable silence as you think about all the instances when chan barelled you with his 'age is just a number'. he got hooked on you pretty much the moment you two met and for the last six months you've been hearing the same 'age is just a number' five times a week.

'are you really very sad because of the midterm?' he asks in a quiet voice. 'or is there something else?'

of course there is something else. uncertainty about the future, anxiety over the rest of the midterms, fear of failing - 'yeah, just that midterm,' you mutter, trying to fake a smile.

'why are you lying?' his tone is too harsh for you not to flinch. 'why are you lying to me right now? is it because i'm younger?'

'wha- chan, what?' you ask, baffled.

chan takes a deep breath and stares back at you with utmost seriousness. 'you think just because i'm younger i won't be able to take it? won't be able to be there for you and support you in your struggles? why are you lying to me? why you are not telling the whole truth about what's bothering you? you think i can't help just because i'm not your age or older? is this it?'

he actually is upset, you realize in shock. chan looks like he's two seconds away from pulling his hair out or crying, whichever is more fitting. his eyes are pleading you to come clean to him, to let him be there for you and your throat constricts with unsaid words. no one has ever shown this consistent interest in you, no one ever made it clear about their intentions and this right now, coming from a boy who's much younger, who only now dips his toes in the mature world makes you want to cry. it must show on your face, because chan's face crumples and he quickly sits closer to you, mumbling 'please, please don't cry, i'm sorry!' and rubbing your back.

'i'm fine, i'm fine,' you say, wiping away few tears. 'sorry, i'm weirdly overemotional these days.'

'nothing to be sorry for,' he instantly says, frowning. 'are you okay? did i upset you?'

you shake your head, smiling a little. 'no. you just made me realize what douchebags i dated before you.'

'oh.' chan's eyebrows quirk in a cute way. 'uh- you're welcome?'

cracking up, you lean further into him and chan welcomes it readily, wrapping his arms around you. he's warm and solid and it feels good and safe to stay like that with him. age is just a number. 'channie,' you start and he hums a little, letting you know that he's listening. 'i don't want to burden you with my soon-to-graduate kind of problems, when you've just started your uni life here. you've got so much going on and i-'

'i'm very strong,' chan interrupts with voice full of determination. 'i can have my own problems and take care of yours at the same time, i promise.'

it's sweet. so terribly, horribly sweet, you think you're going to kiss him right now. and you do, smiling when he instantly hugs you tighter and kisses you back. god, it feels good to be wanted. when you lean back, channie is staring at you in awe, stars shine in his eyes so brightly that you can't help but kiss him again. 'okay, strong boy,' you mutter, cuddling up to him. 'you got me in the end. age is just a number.'

a/n: finishing up these series pretty soon, whew! how did you like this one? come say hi <3 - nini

my other works are here

if somehow someone reading this is into formula 1, then my works for it are here

[floralcyanide]

#9/#17 from smut list 2 & #11 from smut list 1 with Javi from Twisters, I can no longer unsee pre accident Javi not messing around if he was dating someone especially a fellow chaser in that car they borrowed from uni after noticing during rewatch two Kate mentioned they could barely get him to wear pants back then ykyk 😏

𝐬𝐚𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐝𝐚𝐲 𝐧𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐬𝐥𝐞𝐞𝐩𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫!

(requests are closed for the saturday night sleepover!)

Javi RIvera x Fem!Reader

prompts: 9: car sex, 17: sex while camping, 11: cockwarming after a long day in order to calm down together

a/n: javi was def super horny in college 24/7 you can't change my mind (and probably still is lbr)

For one particular chase, the group decides to make a night out of it and camp after the storm tapers off. The 6 of you camp out in the 4 Runner and the van, as well as a handy tent Jeb had brought, courtesy of his roommate. Kate’s mom had plenty of camping gear that she let all of you use as well, so it was a legitimate setup. Lanterns, a fire, some chairs, and non-perishable food with some sleeping bags and blankets. You and Javi decided to make a pillow fort in the back of the van, Jeb and Kate took the 4 Runner- Addy and Praveen used the tent to sleep in.

This chase was nerve-wracking for sure. A typical EF1 turned into a rowdy EF3 and required the entire team to work together to get back to safety. The group manages to find an area by the lake to camp and attempt to settle down. After a night of going over some data and exchanging ghost stories to ward off the tense vibes, the 6 of you wander over to your respective sleeping areas and crash. Except you and Javi, of course, because Javi doesn’t know how to keep his hands to himself, especially when he’s nervous. 

You sigh and roll over, causing Javi’s hand to retract from your thigh, “Are you okay?”

“No,” Javi mutters, moving to lay on his side and facing you, “Are you?”

“No,” you admit, “I’m still kind of anxious.”

You and Javi don’t have to whisper technically, as the van is parked a little ways from the tent and 4 Runner, so the others likely wouldn’t hear your conversation. But the night was still enough that you felt you had to keep your voices down. 

“Do you wanna talk about it?” Javi asks, rubbing your arm soothingly.

You shrug, “I can think of something else I’d rather do, honestly.”

“Like what?” 

“Put your hand back on my thigh, and I’ll show you what.”

Javi grins from ear to ear at that. He puts his hand back where it was, his palm flat to your skin with his fingers splayed. Only this time, he quickly moves his hand under your shorts to cup your heat. He slips a finger under your underwear, toying with your clit until you’re squirming and growing wet. Javi tests how wet you’ve become with a curious finger.

“I wanna try something,” Javi says, his lips brushing your ear.

“Hmm? What’s that?”

“Get on top for a little while, but don’t move.”

“What, like, fucking you without moving?” you ask.

“Yeah, it’s more relaxing than you think. Now, come on,” Javi pats his thighs as he lays on his back.

You shrug, pulling down your shorts and underwear and setting them aside as Javi pulls his down his legs. As you hover, Javi teases your entrance and clit with the tip of his length before guiding himself inside you. You sigh in contentment as he fills you up nicely. After some adjusting, you manage to sit on top of Javi, him fully sheathed inside your needy cunt. Javi runs his hands along your thighs as you sit still on top of him, watching you with utter endearment. 

“Feel better yet?” you ask, wanting so badly to move.

“Yep,” Javi pops the ‘p’. After a moment of silence, Javi reads your impatient facial expression, “You want to move, don’t you?”

“Yes,” you groan, “But it feels nice not to at the same time. I like being so full of you like this.”

“Maybe if you stay still long enough, I’ll let you move.”

“Deal.”

A few minutes pass and you’re now biting your lip in order not to swivel your hips. Javi chuckles, his hands on your hips. He lifts you up a little, to which you hiss, and then motions for you to drop back down. You let out a quiet, high-pitched moan, your fingers grasping at Javi’s shirt. He feels himself twitch as he bucks into you, wanting to hear you moan like that again. Adjusting yourself to the feeling of moving again, you start riding Javi slowly so you don’t accidentally scream out in pleasure. He feels you clenching around him, signaling you’re close.

“Gonna cum already? Didn’t know you needed me that bad- ow!”

Javi is interrupted by you flicking him on the nipple through his t-shirt, “Just fuck me, Jav. Save your snarkiness for later.”

Javi snaps his hips into you a little faster, matching your hip’s movements. He presses his thumb to your clit, and you come undone, having to shove your fist in your mouth to keep your moans at bay. Since Javi didn’t finish inside you, you offer to get him off quickly before the two of you decide it’s best to go to sleep.

“Go ahead, but I can tell you right now I’m probably just going to bust in your mouth in five seconds.”

[itsrlymine]

Heyyyy I've been following you for a while and I love your page and that fact that you're Nigerian too is saur cool!!

Anyways, I just wanted to share a few recent success stories with you because you really helped me understand how easy it is to manifest anything and how powerful and limitless I am 🫶🏼🫶🏼

#1. My parents forgetting that I dropped a class in uni (that I didn't even need but they still wanted me to do all that work 😒) they told me not to drop it but I dropped it anyway lolll. Me and my dad even had a whole hour long argument about it, but I just said that they don't even remember that it happened and we never even had that conversation. It was never brought up again 😌

#2. My mom not bothering me because I wanted to sleep 😭 I said she literally wouldn't talk to me until after a certain time and she literally did exactly that lmaoooo

#3. Manifesting seeing a certain snack in an international food store that they usually never have by the time I got to the store I didn't even want it anymore lmaoooo but it was there tho!

#4. Manifesting Toyota Rav 4s everywhere lmaoooo this wasn't even on purpose but everytime I would see one I would be like "whoa I see these literally everywhere" and now they're everywhere in my area when I never used to see them ever (this also might be because it's the car I want (have 🤭) so I'd be like "omg now that I have my car everyone wants to be a copycat omggg 🙄" and i think that alo had something to do with it)

#5. Being cool in a hot ass room cause I was too lazy to get up and turn off the heater. Like randomly from somewhere I just started feeling cold air and it was in like under a minute like I'm so powerful omg

I know these aren't a lot but these are the main ones that I really remember. I've been manifesting so much but those other ones are more like spur of the moment and not memorable.

But yeah so now I'm manifesting a whole list of things (cause I'm literally god and what I say goes). One of them being going back to 2023 cause I want to redo my freshman year of uni cause I'm also manifesting other things that would actually help me enjoy college fr (an apartment, car, friend grp, full ride, hella money, etc. Cause the whole thing is like 122 bullets 😋) and I'm manifesting it all at one time which lowkey sounds like what shifting is so that's what I've been calling it but yeah. And now that I know that I want it, I have it already!

I'm sorry if this is really long but I have a tendency to yap about stuff but yeah I'm just really excited to share this with you cause you helped me a lot and now I just effortlessly manifest when I've been so unsure of my ability to shift/manifest for like 4yrs now lmaooo I've been suffering 😭 but now I'm locked in and I'm getting whatever the fuck I want 🤭

Also I read your previous post about getting your visa approved for your trip. I hope you have fun!! 🩷🩷🩷

Omg hello my fellow Naija babe!!! I'm so happy you like my page, thank you so much for being here!

First of all, you absolutely ate down with these manifestations you now that right??! I'm excited asf bc these are so great and i can't wait to hear the ones you come back and share babe omggg! You can definitely just make a list and decide it's all done bc it's all done now anyways soooo!

You are getting whatever the fuck you want bc that's what's supposed to happen!!!! Awe babe I'm glad my page has helped in some way but you are the real superstar!!!

Thank you I am so excited for my trip!!! Thank you so much for sharing my love!

[if-whats-new]

Meet the Team!

Who are we?

Just a few Interactive Fiction enthusiasts who love sharing their interests with the rest of the internet!

But we're also:

-=-

Heyo! I'm Aj (she/her)

I got into IF through the app called Choices way back in 2017 and since then there was no turning back. It wasn't until last year when I got into text-based IFs. A friend on tumblr reblogged 'Defiled hearts', it caught my interest and here I am deep down in the trenches of IFs.

Listing my favourites isn't an easy thing cause there are so many I love. So I will list some that have been on my mind for a while: Infamous, Press Play, College Tennis: Origin Story, Drink your Villain Juice, Golden, The Golden Rose, Our Life Now and Forever, We Wretched Creatures, TWC , The Lonely Shore, Blood Choke and Midnight Sun.

I mostly help out with finding IF news and game updates in the wild.

-=-

How you doing?!? I'm Bex (she/her)

I started my journey with Voltage (now Love365) and dating sims or Otome games on my PSP Vita *sheds a tear*. I honestly don't know how I came upon IF, but I fell in love with ​Our Life: Beginnings & Always around 2021?

My favourites? Hmm, currently it would be: Love and Leases, Adoriel's Tears, The Abyssal Song, Keyframes, Our Life 2 and a bunch of Kickstarters that I can't wait for!

Personally, I'm married with no kids! And I work full-time as an administrator. Boring, I know.

In regards to the Zine, I normally do the formatting. Basically taking everything the peeps have found and putting it all into the Zine. I try and write some of the Highlights and try to dabble in the Editorial (if my work doesn't get edited).

-=-

Hello!!! This is Briar! (she/her)

I am one of the interviewers!

I got into IFs this year, and boy, my eyes were opened, and I got so obsessed that I decided to write my own (The Mighty Shifter). My personal favourites are TWC, Infamous, God-Cursed, and Viatica.

I am a uni student who is studying English literature. What else...? Have an amazing day/night!

-=-

Hey, hi and hello! I'm Dion (they/he) *on hiatus

I started my journey into IF through Episode, but due to poor non-female MC representation, I soon began to look for something else. My friend then introduced me to text-based games through The Wayhaven Chronicles and Mind Blind. I've been going deeper down the rabbit hole since!

I'm literally majoring in interactive media. IF is my life now, send help. (/j)

Some of my favourites would be: Mind Blind, Shepherds of Haven, Reanimated Heart, Seven days in purgatory, Chronicles of Taldun: The Remainder, seekL, LLLLL (aka LATEX, LEATHER, LIPSTICK, LOVE, LUST) and a lot of the stuff DOMINO CLUB does. (There isn't only IF, but that's what I usually go for. Definitely check them out if you're into creepy indie stuff!)

I'd call myself the jack of all trades concerning the zine. As of now, my main job is to be the social media guy and to do the different exports (playable Zine, Tumblr, PDF/.txt). But I also help out with news-searching and compiling + editing stuff for the editorial, column, highlight, letter and thanks portions.

-=-

Hey all, this is Jenn (she/her) *on hiatus

I am a youth sports coach (fútbol, softball, basketball) based in Los Angeles. I am in the process of applying for a master’s program (Sports psychology).

I did write and code a couple of IF games but never finished. I am a perfectionist and I couldn’t publish something not up to my standards. I started reading IF a couple years ago and I couldn’t possibly name my favorite. Some of the most memorable IFs are: The Exile, TWC, Crown of Ashes and Flames, Infamous, WWC, Zombie Exodus: SH, The Golden Rose, The Fernweh Saga, and Crown of Exile. I can definitely add more…

Basic responsibilities: Scouring the internet for IF news and frequently updating our existing database. I honestly enjoy the challenge. On a good day I can find upcoming IF titles and newly released demos. It’s so exciting to find new IF because I know someone will eventually see the same potential I do in that new IF.

-=-

Ssuuuupppp, I’m Sir tuskhany (He/Him)

I am one of the lovely interviewers who’ll be asking questions, you know grilling fellow authors on their IF, WIPS and favourite characters. The usual. As to why or how I started, I gotta say its cause of books and great authors like Robert Jordan and Brandon Sanderson. And their respective series wheel of time and basically the whole Comsere universe. I tried following in their footsteps writing a few books of my own. But like every writer most of these ended up being WIPs I either abandoned or stopped. Still I didn’t let that stop me and started posting some of them, I am the writer of Borne of the sands a static webnovel with a few chapters and Dusk and Dawn my current ongoing project(Still a work in progress so forgive the grammatical errors. T-T).

My favourite series are the Keeper of the Day and Night, Infamous, Wayhaven Chronicles and Blood Moon.

The current story I’m working on was inspired by these however most of my inspiration came from static or interactive cyoas like the Slayers v4, Supernatural Investigator, Demigod v4, A Traveller!s Tale and Universal War. If you haven’t heard of them please give them a go they are amazing.

Have fun and stay posted!

-=-            

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

I'm in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend slash childhood best friend. My parents moved while we started dating when we were 17, now we're 22. We live pretty far away and we met once every year until the pandemic hit. Then we kept contact via chats and phone calls, sometimes videocalls but his network isn't very good where he lives so we mainly chat.

These days, like for the last year, I've been feeling nervous and anxious over phonecalls and face to face chats. We text each other all the time and we're really close but he wants to see or hear me and I don't want that. Like I have a phobia of letting him perceive me. I feel insecure about everything even tho he's not causing it, I just feel like I'll do or say something stupid and he'll laugh at me, like he'll be disappointed to see my face or hear me. So I avoid his requests to meet or call. This isn't just for him but it's the strongest with him.

Last week my friends from uni decided to have a big outing, almost the whole day out eating and watching a movie. It was planned since June so I was pretty excited. On that day while I was getting ready they kept calling to make sure I was coming. We were supposed to meet at a restaurant and go from there.

Then one friend who had just reached the restaurant called me, giggling and out of breath, to ask if I was taking so long because I wanted to "impress him into proposing". Then I heard my other friends tell her to shut up and not ruin it. I immediately understood what was going on but I called one of the other girls (my closest friend along with my bf) to gently ask for an explanation. I wasn't accusing her of anything yet but she kept implying that she knew I figured it out. I then said I might not go because I had a headache. She dismissed me and firmly told me to come, like in a friendly threatening manner, don't make excuses, go there or she won't talk to me again.

I hung up and called the first girl who was giggling, she said to just go it'll be fun or they'll be sad. I called my bf to ask where he was and he said my city but miles away from that restaurant, then asked why. I told him I knew what they were planning, and they could have fun without me and I didn't trust them anymore, then hung up.

As you have guessed they planned a surprise meetup between me and my bf. Surprise for just me, he was in on the plan and told me he'd be in my city that week for his uni related reasons.

I haven't spoken to any of them since then. I have to see the girls all the time at uni so that's hard but bf is getting full silent treatment and he's begging and apologizing. He said he'll never ask again and he sent a voice note where he spunded like he was crying. The girl who giggled said sorry and she was just tagging along to the other two girls' plan.

I feel bad for blowing up on them but I feel betrayed, I really can't get over how they thought it'd be funny and cute. The close girl friend hasn't apologized, she and the third girl doesn't see any problem with what they did and think that I'm overreacting like a diva. They think I ruined their plan instead.

Aita for not wanting to be friends with any of the girls anymore? I know some of you will say get better friends but these are the better friends, they're my only friends. I don't think I'm up for friendship anymore. I've forgiven my bf but I'm not sure if I want to keep the relationship, for this drama and my clear lack of interest in seeing him for a whole year. I may be overreacting, I'm being cruel to all of them for a phobia. That's why I'm asking.

What are these acronyms?

[brilium]

ˋ°•-⁀➷ Tattoo Artist! Eren Headcanons♡

THIS HAS BEEN ON MY MIND FOR SO LONGGGGG. I wasn't planning to add smut but the things somehow turned out like that hehe

Content warning. fem reader, mention of needles, short smut at the end, praising, watercolor tattoos are beautiful but Eren hates them, I'm sorry.

wc. 1,026.

♡ Tattoo Artist! Eren started doing it as a hobby just to do something in his free time during his freshman year but ended up loving it and being his principal source of money currently.

● When Tattoo Artist! Eren was still learning, he asked Mikasa and Armin if they'd let him tattoo them for practice. Armin instantly said no because he would have to stop attending swimming classes for a month and Mikasa said that she'd only say yes if he let her tattoo his neck in exchange. From that moment, Eren looked for more friends that would say yes and never asked them again for his own safety.

♡ Tattoo Artist! Eren's first person to tattoo was Reiner, he was all excited to get tattooed by his friend and even offered to let him keep tattooing him in the future. Even if Eren hid it, he was actually so moved that his friend trusted in him that much.

●Tattoo Artist! Eren social media is 100% tattoo. You want to know his face? Make an appointment for a tattoo though his IG and meet him in real life because he doesn't have any other social media.

♡ Tattoo Artist! Eren loves to do black work but hates the watercolor style. Ironically, because he thinks that is too off.

●Tattoo Artist! Eren is not a fuckboy but has a… very active sexual life. There's even a small box of condoms in a drawer on his station, just in case.

♡ Tattoo Artist! Eren is not full body tattooed but at least his right arm is fully covered with tattoos. There's some on his left hand and forearm, chest and a small "C" because of his mother's name behind his ear. Carla supports his passion for his job but sighs every time he comes to visit her with more ink on his body; still, she excuses that one just because she loves him and is so proud.

●Tattoo Artist! Eren loves his friends, even if they are a pain the ass as coworkers. He owns a small studio with Jean, Connie and Sasha, that damn trio… Also! They decided to call the studio Squad 104 just because that was the class number where they and their other friends met at uni. Even though it was too cheesy, Eren agreed it with a smile.

♡ Even though, Tattoo Artist! Eren hates Jean's lack of organization, causing him or the others to have to take the clients that he frequently schedules on the same day as others. He sighs when Jean knocks at his door, asking him to take a client tomorrow because he already had plans at that time.

● His jaw drops once you cross the principal door of the studio the next day asking for Yeager Ink. Tattoo Artist! Eren is not a believer, but he's starting to think that he got blessed by taking that medium flower design. The best part? Is not a damn watercolor tattoo.

♡ Ass man? Tits man? Fuck, no. Tattoo Artist! Eren turns into a loyal thighs man the second you lie on his massage bed to the side and lift your skirt to point that you want the tattoo on the side part of your thigh. He loves the way you nod blushed when he asks if it's your first tattoo.

●Tattoo Artist! Eren sighs feeling like this is going to be a long session from the moment when he puts on the stencil guide for the tattoo and notices that you chose a thin black lingerie; As a tattoo artist, he thanks you for choosing the right clothes to make it easier for both, but the hard pain starting to grow on his jeans is really suffering right now.

♡Tattoo Artist! Eren glups hard once he starts and you can't help but squirm and whimper of pain. It's one of the least painful parts and you're already whining? That's the fucking cutest thing in the world. He tries to distract you by making small talk, knowing about your interests, your degree, age, the fact that you're single…

●Tattoo Artist! Eren starts to flirt subtly with you trying to see if you are comfortable; teasing you for being so sensitive to the pain, caressing softly your thigh when he cleans you with the wipe, complimenting your soft skin, telling you about which places you barely feel the pain for some future tattoos…

♡Tattoo Artist! Eren is trying so hard to hold himself when you dig your nails on his arm the moment he's on the black filling and shadows. You're blushing and nervous when he's wrapping your leg with the plastic protection while you apologize for hurting him, he can't help but smile and lean closer to you and thank you for being such a good strong girl the whole session.

●Tattoo Artist! Eren tries to be as gentle as possible with you, fucking you from behind, standing against the wall to not hurt the fresh tattoo on your leg with the massage bed. "Yeah, keep it like that, gorgeous. The needle on your skin was nothing, you can hold my dick in this sweet cunt, baby"

♡Tattoo Artist! Eren notices the weakness on your legs, so he turns you to face him and grabs you under the thighs to lift you and push you against the wall with every thrust. Your moans begging him to not stop are the sweetest sound he heard in his whole life.

●Tattoo Artist! Eren's station smells like sex after you both reach the orgasm, he gently seats you on the bed while he cleans the mess. Your gaze on his strong tattooed arms moving around almost makes you jump into him for a next round but your legs are sore for many reasons…

♡Tattoo Artist! Eren is a professional. He always seeks for the safety of his clients, so don't be surprised to receive a message from him to meet again "to check if the tattoo is healing correctly". He smiles widely when you immediately answer saying yes and asking if he's up for another session as soon as possible…

Should I make a part two? 👀

[plaest2k]

hey, im a young nz artist too and i like making comics/want to do something bigger when im older, and i think your stuff is genuinely so fucking cool. i love it so much. i was wondering how you pursued art after highschool, like did you go to art school? if so, where and what was that like, and if not, how’d you find the time to continue doing it? its always felt like my opportunities for a career in art specifically seem smaller living in nz, but idk your stuff inspires me to think otherwise. thank you :)

kia ora!!

thanks so much for asking, it's truly so flattering that a young nz artist would ask me for advice! <3 sadly i might not necessarily be the best person to ask...

First of all, it's been a loooooong time since i've been a young artist hahaha I'm 32. After high school, I studied architecture at university because, as you're probably aware, we don't really have art schools like our peers do overseas. But after studying for a few years, I had a major depressive episode and dropped out. After that, I ran away to Korea to teach english for a year before coming back to work in cafes for about 6 years. Back then I was pursuing a career in editorial illustration cause that's what all my favourite artists were doing but I didn't realise that it was a dying industry at the time and there weren't exactly lot of full-time professional artists here who could have warned me...

So after about 10 years of trying to piece together some kind of profession in illustration, I ended up looking for a tattoo apprenticeship which was looking pretty promising but my bosses turned out to be not-so-great people. I tried to keep tattooing on my own but that was around the time COVID hit which wasn't (and still isn't) great for a job that requires you meet face-to-face with a lot of people. So, since the pandemic began, I've just been subsisting off of jobseeker, chipping away at comics and the occasional illustration gig.

The whole experience had me perpetually burnt out for the past ~15 years and made me realise that art as a career really just shouldn't be a thing. Under capitalism, it requires either an embarrassing level of compromise, privilege or luck to pursue. All the household-name artists you know in NZ either come from privilege or got unbelievably lucky. I don't say this as a value judgment or anything, most of them are truly wonderful people, it's just what I've learned about them as colleagues who've worked together a few times over the years.

I don't fault anyone for wanting to pursue that, but if you want to make uncompromising art that makes you feel fulfilled, you can't stake your livelihood on it. Art is supposed to be a by-product of life well lived, not content to be sold.

It's why I'm making plans to go back to uni next year to switch careers into a cushy office job because, as you've observed, even if you still want to pursue this as a full-time career, opportunities for artists in Aotearoa is extremely limited.

Having said all that, there's still a lot of nuance to this whole thing that would take me too long to cover in a tumblr post, so if you'd like me to elaborate or anything or have more questions, you're more than welcome to contact me through my email: plaest2k@gmail.com!

And this offer extends to literally anyone who might be looking for advice or just wants to talk about art <3

Final thing: the thought of studying something else at college/ university and keeping your art as a hobby might sound bleak when you're young, but life is so much longer than you think. You might feel like you have limitless creativity and ideas at the moment but when it becomes your entire life, you burn through it all faster than you'd think. It's because you need fuel to inform what you make and you can't get that from just making art. Like I always say, art is a by-product of a life well lived; You need life-experiences; You need to love, hate, care, be hated and loved to make art and you can't do that if you're too busy to do any of that. Those 3 years you spend on a bachelors is nothing in comparison to a lifetime of staring at a blank page, agonizing over what to make next.

[honkthehenry]

unnamed slime game - part 1

Masterlist

The way you suddenly snapped into awareness without realizing you drifted off at all was something akin to having a bucket of ice-cold water thrown into your face.

You... dozed off in class again. In hindsight, it was inevitable – the last time you got hours of sleep instead of something in-between nothing at all and a 2-hour-nap was last Saturday. You've been running on nothing but bitter, cheap coffee and sheer spite for almost a week now, it was high time you finally crashed.

Still, you should have woken up at Uni. You should have woken up to your professor huffing and puffing and glowering in your face about your terrible conduct, about how your generation had no respect for his generation, about how such a complicated and beautiful science like Robotics was not a place for slackers like you (which, fair, you had no idea what you were doing in Robotics either), not... alone and certaintly not in the middle of a forest.

You ran through a bunch of scenarios quickly, but none stuck.

Kidnapping? Far-fetched at best. You lived alone, only barely making ends meet by running yourself into the ground as you tried to marry working retail with being a full-time student, so ransom was out of the question and being kidnapped for the sake of doing bad things to you... Why bother? You didn't know anyone nearly well enough to be kidnapped due to personal feelings and you were neither good-looking enough (perpetually tired goblin that you were) nor famous-, connected- or skilled enough to be kidnapped randomly.

Besides, you were at the University, on the 5th floor, in the middle of the city that had no forests for miles! You were surrounded by 20-odd other people, there was no way someone would be able to kidnap you with so many witnesses around.

So, not kidnapping.

Dream then?

Also unlikely. Your dreams were few and far-between and when they did happen, it was either you being surrounded by characters from the show you happened to be fixated on at the time or it was you getting repeatedly chased and swallowed whole by a dinosaur on a loop, until the dream finally ended (probably Jurasic Park childhood trauma, now that you thought about it).

Still.

This was so weird, because you knew for a fact you were much too aware of everything to be dreaming and yet the things you saw didn't makes sense at all!

You didn't have any arms for one!

And your body was purple!

You could feel electricity zapping at your body and it didn't hurt, it was more like being swallowed in a blanket burrito and nursing a comforting mug of hot chocolate, while watching your favourite show with no worry for deadlines or money!

You weren't supposed to feel like that, you were supposed to be tired and grumpy and irritable and not nice and not toasty and certaintly not so comfortable!

Drugs? Hallucinations? You never partaked, you didn't drink alcohol either, so that was a no—

—A purple crystal you were under zapped at you again and you positively melted on the spot, basking in the feeling and letting the troublesome train of thought go like the wind, before it inevitably derailed and caused you undue anxiety as it always did.

...it was very nice actually.

Maybe losing opposable thumbs wasn't so bad if you got this in exchange.

You could live like this.

×•×•×•× Honk!!! Corner ווו×

You know that one post lurking on Tumblr where OP is turned into a frog by a witch as revenge? And just vibes? Basks in the sun without worrying about life? This is MC now.

I don't care how long or how short chapters are, they're just gonna vibe as they are because I am a goblin with a short attention span and no actual ability to write.

Something to get you thinking - MC is an electro slime for a reason and that reason is electro immunity.

I wonder why?

*smiling like a particularly smug cat*

Did I mention I can't draw lightning/electricity? Because I can't, so I didn't.

Also fvck me, my tags didn't saveeeeee 😭

[veryberryjelly]

Karaoke time: tis the damn season, remus lupin

remus lupin x fem!reader

tis the damn season - taylor swift ( i love this song so much, stop- )

𝐉𝐎𝐈𝐍 𝐌𝐘 𝟏𝐊 𝐒𝐋𝐄𝐄𝐏𝐎𝐕𝐄𝐑

coming home during summer break was definitely not your favourite time of the year. you much preferred to stay up at university but you hadn't been home since christmas and you were only supposed to spend a few weeks there before going away with your friends.

you were certain that your mum had informed her friends of your return home, which in turn informed the entire town.

you were from a small town of gossips. everyone knew everyone and knew everything about everyone.

sometimes you just wanted to do something without the entire town knowing about it.

but you had never been granted that courtesy.

it got a million times worse when you started dating.

you learnt very quickly it was impossible to date in that town so you settled for only meeting people at university.

though that failed miserably.

until one christmas break during your second year at uni, you had met remus. a boy your age who had gone to a boarding school, which was why you never met him until he went off to uni and started going home for the holidays.

you had spent a lot of nights together during that winter break.

it was something amazing, but only for a few weeks. and you both knew and accepted that.

that didnt make it any easier to leave for uni every break.

but you relished the time you spent together.

you knew he was home for the summer, and while you hadn't made any plans, you both knew you were going to spend a lot of time together.

you spent your first day at home with your parents, but the next morning you met up with remus at a cafe in the centre of town.

the moment he walked through the door you were up out of your seat and it was as though you had never left eachother.

your day was spent wandering around town, more often than not with a coffee in your hand, catching up on what had been going on over the last 6 months.

you didnt talk much when you were both at school. the occasional message about when you would be coming back home, but not much information was exchanged.

you learnt that remus was currently at the top of his class, which earned him a muffin from you.

and when you told him you had been accepted for a job when you got out of school, he bought you a toasted sandwich.

you were shocked you didnt run out of things to say to him, but you didnt, eventually ending up back at his house while his parents went to a movie.

it was no surprise that you ended up making out on the sofa while a movie played on the tv.

the film had been bought with the full intention of watching it, but when you sat curled up in remus' side, he couldn't resist.

" i missed you " he whispered between touches of your lips

three simple words which sent alarm bells through your body, causing you to pull away from him.

you missed him too.

but you thought it was mutually agreed that you never talked about the prospect of seeing eachother more.

that you enjoyed the time you had and never spoke about it.

" i don't know what you expect me to say..."

" i mean, i kind of hoped you would say you missed me too "

" what are you doing, rem ? you know this would never work with us. "

" why not ? " he countered, growing slightly more passionate about the subject. " people make this work all the time. i could come visit you at school, we could meet half way...i just- i can't find anyone that makes me feel as.. alive as you do "

his words caused a burning to grow behind your eyes, which you tried to hide by ducking your head to avoid his gaze.

but he wasnt having it.

he lifted his hand to tilt your head up with his thumb and forefinger, delicately wiping away the tears from your cheek.

" why dont you want this ? " he questioned again, his voice soft.

" because i dont want to make you miserable. " you started, unable to stop the free flow of tears down your cheeks.

" i can't keep people close to me without ruining them. it's why i dont come home, it's why i dont have any friends at uni. its why i look forward to seeing you so much because i know i dont have enough time to ruin you. you are the only perfect thing in my life and i dont want to lose that " you rambled.

remus said nothing, instead choosing to wrap his strong arms around you and pull you close to his chest.

that broke you completely.

you let a damn break and the only thing holding you together was remus' arms wrapped tightly around you.

So we could call it even You could call me babe for the weekend 'Tis the damn season, write this down I'm stayin' at my parents' house And the road not taken looks real good now And it always leads to you in my hometown

[sch-com]

Specific manifestations of schizoid PD in my life

see similar post for anakastic PD / OCPD

When I first heard of my personality disorders, it was hard for me to notice their role in my life. Part of it was that I was younger, and with less experiences, but part of it was that by nature PDs are so ingrained it's hard to see the full scope of their influence. Particularly I struggled to see the "dysfunction" part - I was thinking that sure, I do experience that, but is it really that bad? And you can't have a PD without the dysfunction, so do I even count? I think that now, after some time and more reflections, I can say I do see the dysfunction, so I thought to share my observations.

Using the DSM V criteria for schizoid PD:

1/ Neither wants nor likes close relationships, counting being part of a family / Has no close friends other than immediate relatives

When I was first moving out for university, I didn't really have any close enough friends I would feel truly comfortable moving with. It limited my choices, and influenced the one I ultimately made (a mistake).

Also, when I was moved out and experienced my first full-blown mental health crisis, I didn't have anyone around me to rely on.

Studying in uni is much harder when I am not talking with people in my class. Normally students support each other, share notes etc I imagine. I have to do everything alone.

Talking to people = opportunities. And support. Real, material support of being physically near. Going to places together, someone having a job opprotunity, hell even having anyone around in case of an emergency.

I suspect at least part of my emotional problems can be attributed to my self-imposed isolation. Occassionaly when I do talk to someone, it's like... an altered mental state, in a good way. When I laugh, I feel physically good. And it's easier to laugh with other people around. It's the little things I think, that are crucial and I am largely missing out on.

2/ Almost constantly picks introverted activities

Sharing what you do can help you progress faster. Sharing your art and getting critique, joining language classes. Sure I can do all of this on my own as well, but it may be sub-optimal. I think it's a matter of balance - and if I consistently choose to opt out of group activities, it could be seen as dysfunctional.

Also again, doing stuff with other people = meeting other people = getting the social connection, vital for even physical health, and gaining access to opportunities and support.

Other people can also motivate you, or keep you accountable for doing something. When I do (almost) everything on my own, I have to well, rely on my motivation / determination, which is often hard (more on that in 4/).

3/ Has little if any, thought in engaging in any sexual experiences

Frankly I am asexual, so I wouldn't say it's causing me any distress. I suppose that lack of sexual life can be viewed as lack of a major life activity, if you want to interpret it that way.

However, somewhat connected to 4/, it's hard for me to say 100% that sex life is something I truly don't want, or if it's just another thing I am opting out of out of the lack of reward. More on that below.

4/ Seldom derives pleasure from any activities

The emotional implications are written into the criterium itself. Lack of pleasure is I think dysfunctional already.

But, adding on the above - lack of pleasure/satisfaction definitely made me lose a lot of motivation for doing anything. I have disengaged from hobbies because of it. I have disengaged from studies, from social activities, from even simple things watching movies, reading, or cooking a good meal because of this. I have to force myself to do pretty much anything. There is not a single thing that I do simply because I truly enjoy it - I need another reason on top, like an obligation.

What I mean by the above, is that... I think I have opted out of things because they don't bring me much emotional reward, not the other way around (so it's NOT that I don't get a lot of joy because I don't do things). I remember when I was younger and more active in life, doing something like travelling, or acomplishing something, and emotionally not getting anything out of it. So I wished I was just in bed and not doing the thing, because at least it's less effort, for the same emotional reward (= lack thereof). And as I became an adult with more control over my day-to-day, I stopped many major life activities because I can. And it's all the same.

5/ Appears apathetic to the admiration or disapproval of others

For me it's largely related to 4/, because I don't get much internal reward from external stimuli, it also manifests in how this criterium describes it.

I've had people believe in me in the past. Try to encourage me, praise me, tell me they see a potential. But I... couldn't believe them. I don't feel this, it's all the same if I am awarded something or not. External rewards don't cause internal reaction, so like why bother? Why bother going after this hard thing, winning a competition, if after I acomplished it it's all the same void? I put the effort into something, only for this to not matter. So I stopped putting so much effort.

I think it may also discourage others from trying to help me, because historically I haven't shown much reaction, or improvement, or gratefulness for their honest efforts. To give up on me, because I seem like this empty shell of a person. But I don't really know, I think it would have to be someone else to confirm this.

6/ Shows emotional coldness, detachment, or flattened affectivity

People told me that I appear flat and so it's hard for them to read me. It's hard to know what I think, and some became afraid that I was judging them, when I... I don't? Overall, this one makes it really hard to connect to others and to be understood. So it makes me feel even more like an alien.

I have also hurt people because of this. Because I detach, I isolate, I forget about people. I am the friend you have to message to get a conversation, or schedule a meetup, because I don't initiate. I know it's a hard position to be in, and I don't want to hurt anyone, so I only disengaged more to not even have any friends that would care about me enough to be hurt by my isolation.

Because I seem all the same (flat and withdrawn) all the time, it's harder to notice when I am struggling. I can be in the throws of depression and actively suicidal, but outward appear pretty much the same. So people don't believe me, not even professionals, and I have been neglected because of this.

[yellow-faerie]

@wormsontoast I do indeed have some thoughts about Archivist!Georgie (from the au vaguely outlined here) and since you showed a mild interest in it, I shall now tell you all about it here haha

So there are two things I kinda want to say before I keep going because this au has been changing and shifting in my head a lot and I want to get a bit more of it out into the world.

The first is that each archivist au is based off of as few changes as possible to the canon timeline, aiming (ideally) for only one change that causes ripples throughout the timeline. For example, in the Gertrude-causes-the-apocalypse au, the one change is that Agnes and Gertrude get bound when they are both much younger and the web manipulates things from there, yada yada that's not why we're here BUT you see the vision.

The other thing is that my initial intention was that most people would have a pair, forming some sort of couple or QPR, two people against the world kinda thing - one of them would be the Archivist and one of them would be their apocalypse + 1. This was mostly because (in my head at least) I saw one very eye-aligned character in each couple.

BUT I have recently been doing a re-listen and one thing that stands out to me is that so many of the main characters want to know things, that I think a lot of them could have ended up in the Archivist position in fact. Martin seems to actively encourage reading statements in S3, and Tim definitely has the motivation (when the circus gets involved at least) to be manipulated into the position - more curious though are Daisy and Georgie.

I'll leave a potential archivist!Daisy post for another day (because that's a wild au and a half haha) and talk instead about Georgie, who was meant to be the purpose of this post lol (I'll pop it under a readmore)

So, Georgie - the first thing is how does she become the Archivist? I think the point of divergence for this au would be that Georgie and Jon don't break up during Uni (or just after) and keep their relationship kinda going for a while, and when Jon mentions joining the Magnus Institute, Georgie goes with him.

The real question is why. Georgie in the podcast is fairly avidly against chasing the monsters, so I can see her as taking a job there as a way of keeping Jon safe - I think she sees him as quite naive for his scepticisim and knows that she will not talk him out of it, so she better just be there to stop him from going somewhere he shouldn't.

Jon and Georgie do break-up though, although fairly amicably. They keep living together because it's way cheaper than living alone in London and they are friends. Georgie also starts WTG but it's very much a side project to work (one that she keeps putting off making her full time job, even though she wants to, because the Institute's library is just too good for research).

She's also the one to push him towards the cute librarian with whom Jon has several cringefail attempts to woo before they start tentatively dating.

I reckon that during the course of being in research (with Jon and Tim and Sasha), Georgie gets marked by the web. They'd marked Jon but then Georgie had come, and so they saw an opportunity in her (or wanted a back-up just in case).

Either way, by the time that Gertrude dies, Georgie is the one that Elias chooses as the next Archivist (and I honestly think that Gertrude might have thought that Georgie would be the next Archivist too - Sasha is good but you can't beat actual fearlessness coupled with good sense).

She gets to take with her Jon and Sasha and Tim (Elias is like...let's make sure I have plenty of hostages to work with when the time is right) and that's the Archives team sorted. They're fairly competent, considering the fact that none of them have a library science degree.

Season 1 goes much the same but we meet Martin when he escapes Prentiss. Jon has been going to the library for Georgie, getting out books on archiving and the like and periodically finding references, mostly because he's the one who's closest to the library staff (well, one library staff member in particular).

But Jon mentions that Georgie assigned him the Vittery statement - something about facing his fears - and he hates it, so Martin suggests they go together after work, and he would deal with any remaining spiders for Jon. (Who is Martin, if not down bad for Jon?)

(That is, of course, a rhetorical question lol)

Something something, Martin gets trapped in his apartment for two weeks by the Worm Woman despite not actually being in the Archives. Then he comes straight to the Archives to give a statement, where Jon is working late and waiting for Georgie to finish so they can go home. Jon is the one that suggests Martin stay in the Archives, after he turned down the offer of staying on their sofa.

So Martin lives in document storage and continues working in the library with the rest of his coworkers none-the-wiser, and gets kinda absorbed into the Archives nonsense as Sasha meets Michael etc. etc. And Martin and Jon get really close, from late nights and evenings and weird little dates.

It goes from like...dating to being genuinely quite serious; they have been together for probably like 2 or 3 years by this point but this is a tipping point in their relationship. They keep talking about how they'll move in together after all this is over, so Georgie can finally have her home studio and Martin doesn't have to go back to his flat.

Anyway-

There's also Melanie. She comes in because Georgie was one of the people she contacted in her search for answers and Georgie was like...come and make a statement, maybe we can do something.

Melanie is slightly less derisive of the Magnus Institute (only slightly) mostly because she likes Georgie more lol

Martin is in the library when Prentiss attacks, and is the one that Sasha finds when she runs up from the Archives. Jon and Georgie and Tim are down in the archives, knocking in walls and fighting off worms, and Sasha and Martin go find the CO2 suppression system.

Sasha turns the right corner; Martin doesn't and ends up in Artefact Storage.

Tim finds Gertrude's body. The tide of worms split him off from Georgie and Jon who end up getting wormed in the archives before the fire suppression system gets set off.

They have a few weeks off. Not!Martin and Jon do move in together as had been planned, staying at Georgie's while sorting out a place together. Before everyone returns to the Institute (Martin got the time off too because he was deemed sufficiently traumatised by it all), Jon and Martin move in together, Sasha and Tim have another ill-advised hook-up and Georgie ends up...alone.

Queue the paranoia arc. Georgie might not be able to feel fear but I think that would make a paranoia arc even funnier, because she is convinced that she is seeing things Rationally only for her very much not doing that.

So the thoughts get a bit vague from here. I have some thoughts for each character though!

Martin is obviously taken by the Not!Them in this and so that really fucks Jon up. Jon is Georgie's oldest friend and very much her closest support net, often being the one to feel fear in her place (like she uses him to gauge how she should react to a situation, something that developed because there hasn't really been a time since Georgie returned to Uni where they haven't been in relatively close proximity).

So Jon goes off the deep-end after the revelation of Martin's death and the fact that he wasn't even living with the guy. He takes the responsibility of Martin's mother onto his shoulders, he literally ties up all of Martin's loose ends and then I think he just...stops caring.

It's a mix between Tim's complete S3 despair and Jon's S2 paranoia. He literally cannot trust anyone anymore, no matter how hard he tries, except maybe Georgie because of the whole Archivist thing. And so he goes to the circus with Georgie and Tim and Basira and Daisy.

And he is the one to press the button and die.

I don't usually like taking that away from Tim, because it is a decision so tightly linked to his backstory but I actually put him as ending up in the Coffin in this, shoved in there by a well-meaning Gerogie with her mind being twisted by the Unknowing.

I like the idea of Georgie having a bit of a superiority complex in this AU, where she is sure that she knows better than everyone else because she can't feel fear so she can see things Rationally and Correctly (she wildly underestimates how much other emotions can influence you).

Anyway, back to Tim. He wasn't as depressed during S3 because Georgie's own mini-paranoia arc involved a lot more of digging into statements because she is much more certain that the knowledge of who killed Gertrude is in there, and also Sasha is very much alive and well.

I mean, Jon's rancid vibes are definitely off-putting but like this is at the point where they realise they can't leave and the dread powers exist so the vibes aren't great anyway.

So Tim ends up in the Buried. How does he get out you ask?

Sasha.

I have been waiting for a potential AU in which to put Vast!Sasha and I have decided this is the one. No I don't know how yet but this is my decision - I love the idea of Buried!Tim and Vast!Sasha being something of a couple.

Beyond that for them though, it's mostly vibes.

I think Basira might actually choose to work with Peter Lukas in this one. I wouldn't have Georgie go into a coma post-Unknowing because she's already touched by the End and I don't think she would choose to wake up again, because she simply doesn't have the fear of death that influenced Jon, so she's around for the inter-season shenanigans that occurred.

So Basira doesn't trust her or Elias or Peter, but she decides that as she knows Elias and Georgie, and she's been offered this position by Peter, she'll take it.

(She's trying to ignore the pull of Daisy, hunting out there somewhere, lost after the circus - she never even got the chance to fight against it)

Melanie would be a very interesting one indeed, because part of what attracted her to Georgie in the first place (I think) is that Georgie knows about the entities and can understand her trauma, but is determined to not be a part of it, so they would be so much more messy than in canon.

I honestly couldn't say how her story would thus change. Melanie is a very fascinating character to me and I struggle to sort her out in my head without writing her (and so is Georgie - that's the problem with not writing them as much as some other characters :/) - that said, I do think she doesn't go full eye gouging because she does really love Georgie and doesn't want to leave her in hell alone.

(Hand in unlovable hand and all)

(I also think that Tim and Sasha might decide to do some eye-gouging with friends, as not-quite fully realised avatars of other powers, and try and settle down together somewhere, just in time for the apocalypse)

I'm not sure what all of Georgie's marks would be, or how she'd get them, and if you've got this far I am sure you understand my thoughts are vague and disjointed; but know it will be tragic and upsetting because I refuse to let myself write happy AUs lol

ANYWAY, thank you for showing an interest in this AU :)

[wombywoo]

Oh no! I think I finally put the pieces together on Quinn's throat injury, the spiritual fanaticism that led to it and who exactly betrayed him by trying to slit it. Poor boy, I can't even imagine how one begins to heal from that. 😭

I also couldn't help but notice that his bus injury and first vision happened in 2001, and that he has a fear of both flying and falling. Way to turn his trauma up to 11, Womby!

This all makes me wonder why no one got him help after his first suicide attempt, let alone after that bus injury! Do his family believe him about his visions after that first catastrophic premonition? Does Vincent know and believe him? And how the hell did he managed to break things off with Marc, considering how low he must have been feeling?? The poor guy, how is he even functioning? I'm so glad you gave him Fig, Vincent and Danny, but he needs a whole army of support and love damn it! <3

Mmmm yes! The clues are all here, the pieces mean something, I swear I know what I'm doing !!! (lies)

In all fairness, I do have a lot of this backstory stuff worked out, I just need to make it more...organized....welp

You're probably not wrong with your guess here...

And the truth is, he hasn't healed from it and probably never will

But asdfghj I realized when I was planning my 'timeline' that I'd plotted Quinn's first traumatic injury when he was ten, around the time he'd be starting school...a massive catastrophic event in ~september of 2001.....No, Quinn did not, in fact, cause 9/11 😭 It's just a coincidence I swear, but he *did* predict an arguably worse event a month later, so maybe 2001 was not a good year for anyone 😩✌️

If it seems I'm just dumping trauma on this guy, that is correct. But he did have support during most of it. After his suicide attempt, he was admitted to a facility for a bit, and his sister really stepped up to make sure he felt safe and protected at home; she even took a break from uni to live with them full-time while Quinn was finishing high school. His father had a harder time addressing it, as he felt a bit hopeless and unprepared to deal with...all that, so he'd often try to brush all the difficulties under the rug and pretend that things were ok. He still managed to help Quinn in his own way; sometimes it felt better to not have to acknowledge it for both of them.

As for his visions, I'm not sure either his father or his sister truly understood the full extent. Because honestly--he never talked about it; still doesn't. His first incident was traumatic enough due to the severity of his injury, so the 'medical' response to his revelations was regarded as a symptom of his near-death experience. It had only been his mother who took his visions seriously at the time...dot dot dot

Vincent gets to hear all about this at some point, and yeah--he believes in Quinn's visions. But he also...doesn't know what to do with them. Hmm..something to contemplate for future 'plot' points, mayhaps...

For the Marc thing...oof. It took a while for Quinn to get out of that trap, and he's not even sure he's fully escaped his presence. But he'd let himself be at his most vulnerable with him, and truthfully, they did have some 'good' moments. Yeah...it's complicated...

As much as I love making him suffer, I do want Quinn to get all the hugs/kisses/love he deserves, so his small team of supporters is much appreciated.

I'd love to be able to put together a more thorough timeline of events one of these days...perhaps a project for when I'm on 'holiday' starting next week..🤔

Thank you Rogue for all of your lovely questions and insights <33 I always appreciate getting to hear your thoughts 🥰

[reflections-in-a-critical-eye]

This is a personal post about boarding school experience and its later effects in life. It will be under keep reading so anyone can scroll over it if they don't want to read it. It's mostly for me and the need to express the thoughts I've been having and I need an outlet for that.

I've been reading once again about boarding school syndrome all day since this morning. I don't know why I do this to myself. Why I feel the need to go back to all that as if to check if all the damage is still there. Or like a way to pity myself and then to hate it for feeling sorry for myself once again. It's a cycle. I must have remembered something last night before falling asleep because I found myself today at 10 am reading a research paper on it and then looking up testimonials in reddit.

But the thing is, most of the research is done on English boarding schools and as much as the overall experience is similar, there are so many nuances in the differences that exist.

I vividly remember looking out the window and watching my parents get in the car and leave. It was Sunday evening and they had the car parked on a smaller street in downtown where I was left to stay. The next day was the first day of school and I was 11, starting 5th grade.

I read that in cases of children going to boarding school, a lot of them remember in detail the moment the separation took place. And it's true even if it's been almost 20 years since then. That's when my stomach issues began. Of course the cause was emotional stress, but that didn't stop from going to medical clinics weekly to do full check ups when any adult should have realized that I was just homesick. The year after, I began to feel nausea each Monday morning. I used to beg my parents to postpone my return as much as possible so I would only leave home on Monday and arrive an hour before classes would start. For five years I went to school in the afternoon. The nausea became a constant. I would complain on that day, hoping my mother would tell me that I don't have to go to school. But I couldn't understand at that time that my mother was emotionally unavailable and had no idea how to deal with her daughter's real needs.

But I kept going and as years went by, I got used to it and it felt easier by the time I finished high school. When I was already in college, I had forgotten half of my experience and I would gloss over what happened. I would act proud of how fast I had become independent, without needing any help, as if that was a good thing.

Of course that at some point I slowly started to realize that not everything went that well, but either way, that perhaps it was worth the sacrifice if I manage to do something well professionally. Eight years of boarding school meant sacrifices and financial investment. For me to go to the most prestigious middle school (I had to take an English exam for 5th grade, that was unheard of at that time in any other school!), then to the most prestigious high school to receive the best grades which would help to get into the most prestigious university so I can study exactly what I want because by then I found my passion. And I was encouraged. So I worked for it for more than a decade because all the pain had to have been worth it. Yes, parts of life sucks, but perhaps a uni position while I teach and research would compensate for it. But it never did and that entire plan fell to pieces because life doesn't work how I wanted to.

So was all that worth it in the end? Absolutely not.

For years I would think and say that I never suffered bullying in school because my colleagues were nice and for the most part, I had nice experiences. And that's still true. While at the same time forgetting that I also had that other life in boarding school where 17-18 year girls found abuse a form of entertainment.

Bullying is such a common occurence but it gets worse in boarding school because you can't get to any space that feels safe. You can't get home to your own room and to your own parents who might notice something and intervene. In boarding school you have to sleep in the same room and next to the same bed as your abusers. You take showers next to them, hoping that nothing happens. It's living in constant fear.

All my emotional mechanisms have developed during those years, especially between the ages of 11-13. I quickly learned to avoid any type of conflict because that would mess up whatever aparent peace that existed from time to time. I learned that speaking up and telling the adults responsible meant that I was in more danger.

As adults, those who went through the boarding school experience have trouble maintaining relationships. We become self sufficient because we had to. There was no help so we learned to take care of ourselves. Consequently, we don't need other people, especially if we know they will eventually abandon us. Of course attempts are made because it's in our nature. I've lost friendships because rather than making myself heard and to be an active participant in a relationship, I distanced myself. It's easier than to speak because there's a risk that the other person would certainly decide to break the friendship. Avoid conflict at all costs, even it rots everything from the inside. I'm still actively doing this.

When I told my therapist about these experiences (which I don't think I'll talk about in detail here), she used the word trauma. To this day, I have a hard time accepting it. Because deep down I still don't believe that my experience was that bad to be labeled that way. It's not real trauma if nothing really actually "bad" happens.

It's only bad enough that it infiltrated and influenced all aspects of my entire life. From personal relationships to professional. The latter I used to think it was independent and untouchable of all the things I had going on personally. But of course to realize as an adult that the need for perfection, the impostor syndrome, all are a result of never feeling good enough which stems from the initial abandonment.

I find it hard to accept that some decisions taken 20 years ago without me having any real say in it (I was asked and I said yes because my parents know best) and the consequent experiences that I had to go through have negatively influenced my entire life. For many years I never looked at aspects of my life, thinking that something is not well and should be investigated. I was busy in my 20s with other thoughts without realizing the root cause of why I was doing some things. But by the time that decade was over, it's like everything is crashing down. Piece by piece. Every single aspect of my life had been fucked by that thing my therapist calls trauma.