#And idk where the line is between 'an interesting analysis' and 'youre just a shipper'

[ritzcuit]

i always feel so embarrassed and defensive when i see posts like "you ppl only like characters for ships" cus im like Mannnnn i ship things. i guess i have to go die! HELPPP

[reflections-in-a-critical-eye]

been following you recently and completely agree with you regarding the fandom as well as shippers. I don’t know if you’re willing to talk about this but there is major hypocrisy out there also with all those shippers out all being women, straight for the most part, who go at length to deny fantasying about their fav ship. seriously, I’m a straight female who got really intrigued by a pair in BTS and yes let’s be honest for the vast majority of us there’s some sort of fantasy behind it. it’s not a shame, women are allowed to have fantasies about men imo, but over coating it as just being supporters… meh, sorry, don’t believe it. Been lurking on this app for over a year and seeing all those women discussing issues regarding gay men like they re the ultimate source of truth and if you don’t agree with them you re just homophobic or whatever, idk it’s just feel weird to me. On one hand it’s really cool cause they do share some good stuff about lgbt issues that maybe some readers wouldn’t know about, but on the other hand I’ve read some stuff that is really out of touch with reality imo -from what I’ve discussed with my boyfriend who bi and our gay friends, I’m clearly not a source of great knowledge either. But I just find it interesting that for them Tumblr is perceived as an app for women shipping gays and they never ever go on here.. all of those ships are always seen through a woman perspective. idk, in the end I just got bored with those accounts that post super long analysis of whatever their ship has done and how this prove this and that, I just wanna see cute gifs and pics and funny stuff about jikook cause I’m weak for the and that’s it. Sorry don’t know if that even makes sense my mind is all over the place

Alright, this is quite a sensitive topic, but we can totally talk about it here. I don't fully agree, but I understand your arguments. I'll try to explain how I see this situation and see where it leads us. But I also appreciate the ask, especially because most of the ''supporters'' as you said, wouldn't be willing to have an open honest conversation about it.

First things first, let's talk about the gender and sexual identity of the shippers/supporters. It is true that most of them are women, just because the vast majority of fans in this fandom are women, but of different ages and sexualities. I won't deny that there are a lot of them who also identify as straight because they state that when they try to work on their arguments or it comes out when they use their personal experience to explain why a ship might be real. At the same time, I will once again go back to one of my old arguments which is that, unless there are statistics, we don't know for sure the distribution of sexual identities in the shipping fandom. Bottom line is, despite the landscape looking very heterosexual, maybe it's not when you add the numbers.

As to them being mostly women talking about a possible relationship between two Korean men, this is how I see things. Matters of sexual attraction, feelings of affection between a couple, gestures and looks, are all things that for the most part, can be universally acknowledged, despite having a case that involves a different culture, or a same sex couple that is different of those who try to make sense of it. They're not aliens. People who grew up having opposite lives due to their culture, geography, age, gender, can fall in love and understand clues regarding signs of attraction regardless of where they come from. That's why women all over the world can look at two Korean men and speculate that they might be together. Because of the identifiable signs. But, and this is important, we can't just ignore a few important aspects, tied to culture, gender/sexuality. A woman's experience in a relationship, regardless of her sexuality, cannot possibly be the same as that of the experience of, let's say, two gay men. Not because love or attraction wouldn't look the same, but the difference is in small things, in the culture they live in (not just the culture of the country in which they live, but the different cultures that emerge and influence people who live in a community tied to their sexual identity). What I'm trying to say is, I personally can't judge any shipper who is a woman, regardless of her sexuality, of being able to believe that they see signs of a romantic relationship. But a romantic relationship is also gendered and socially constructed and this another aspect that we have to keep in mind. I think it's important for every shipper to have these things in mind if they are dedicating their time speculating. That usual line of ''I can't be sure because they never explicitly said so'', shouldn't be their sole argument because it's not as important as they think it is. The main argument should be ''I'm a woman and my views and experience can't 100% be the same as those of a supposed Korean gay couple''. And that's it.

And now, finally to the fantasy part. I believe it's an element of the shipping practice and experience that becomes this taboo thing because admitting that they also have that would invalidate their identity as supporters, as a lot of them believe that only shippers are likely to fantasize and it automatically has a negative connotation to it. Of course there are a lot of them who are in this shipping business for pure fantasy which in my opinion, gets problematic once it reaches outside of shipping circles. It's like with jikookers and taekookers. Jikookers say that taekookers are in it just for the fantasy. Which in and of itself, is not inherently bad because there is a big dose of fantasy in every single ship, but they are also a group of shippers who have no limits and who aren't capable of making a distinction between fantasy and reality. By claiming that taekookers are like that, that automatically puts jikookers in a better position, at least in their eyes. But by denouncing what taekookers and other shippers do, they completely get rid of the elements of fantasy. In this process, fantasy becomes something shameful, it becomes synonymous with fetishization, another word that is misused a lot of the times.

Fantasy is not a bad thing. Fantasy is part of our imagination, of having this place inside our head in which we explore thoughts and desires that may as well not translate to our day to day life. Fantasy gets translated into fanfiction, fanart. We may fantasize about things that we wouldn't dare do or say in our lives, including or especially when it's about sexual fantasy. It's not a complete reflection of our values and morals or how we would treat people. Fantasy turns into fetishization when we aren't able to make a clear distinction and we treat people in real life only through that fantasy lens, and not as real individuals. That's when it becomes a problem. So yes, shipping has a big dose of fantasy and suporters can fantasize as well. When they write long essays in which they analyze the relationship between a supposed couple, they also fantasize. They do that when they read or write fanfiction. It doesn't have to be always harmful. As long as they are not ignorant and they don't treat the actual people in the ship or people in their own lives, as merely characters in a fantasy, then it's fine.

After all, it's about the respect we have for people in general and we don't dehumanize them in the process of fantasizing about them.

[thejustmaiden]

Jaken = Rin's Dad?

Okay, is this how a daughter treats their so-called father?

Most definitely not.

Rin and Jaken's relationship clearly screams of your typical sibling rivalry punctuated with cute and silly moments of playful bickering.

Yes, Jaken may technically be her main provider, but that doesn't necessarily equate to him being more of a father than Sesshomaru. If anything, he demonstrates more of a brotherly love towards her. As we all know, parents (which Sesshomaru embodies more based on real life patterns and parallels) will leave their older more capable children in charge of looking after their younger brothers and sisters. In this case, that would mean making Jaken responsible for watching over Rin and protecting her if need be. Ah-Un offers protection, too. Think of it as Jaken as the big brother and Ah-Un as the family dog who are babysitting while Sesshomaru as the parent of the household is away at work or taking care of business. I mean, they literally fit that description to a tee and I'm dying at the accuracy of it all! 🤣👌

[Quick! Someone write up a modern au where Sesshomaru finally gets out to have a nice date night but everything goes wrong in the most spectacular way. Like maybe Rin and Jaken catch a ride on Ah-Un to go spy!]

I recently revisited some episodes from The Final Act, and I couldn't believe how many moments like this there were where Rin got after Jaken or when she would "put him in his place" so to speak. Obviously, all of it is mostly harmless. I was only surprised by how often it occurred, not to mention how Jaken would just stand there and take it. Towards a supposed father figure, Rin's behavior is downright unacceptable. There's a certain level of respect a child is expected to show their parents/guardians, and that's just not what I'm witnessing here between them. Like at all.

Rather their dynamic has the nature of some sibling relationships like I mentioned above. So I really wish fans would stop pretending otherwise, because based on what we know of father-daughter relationships- healthy ones at least- they don't appear anything like what Jaken and Rin have. If you could please provide me other examples of where we've seen similar portrayals in fiction or in real life, then perhaps I can get on board.

Look, that doesn't have to mean that because Jaken isn't her father then Sesshomaru must be. They can both be her caretakers without necessarily filling that traditional father role. I'm just saying that if we're going to start assigning titles to characters, let's make sure we are accurate and truthful in our assessments. If you're going to label anyone Rin's dad, then it needs to be Sesshomaru. Jaken doesn't have precedence over him in terms of fatherly attributes, that just wouldn't make sense.

After all, this isn't about what you want to see, this is about what Rin very likely sees. It's safe to assume that she views Sesshomaru more like a father than she does Jaken. She knows she's safe with him (broadly speaking lol) and that he'll come for her no matter what. That sense of security and comfort is what a child seeks and what they should always feel in a parent's presence. She trusts and even idolizes him, just as a young and innocent child tends to do with their parents. At that age, parents are perfect and could do no wrong in their child's eyes. Idk about you, but this describes perfectly how Rin is around Sesshomaru.

Rin adores him and will follow him anywhere- yes, even into danger! That's what the innocence and unconditional love of a child will bring them to do if necessary. Fortunately, at the end of The Final Act we learn Sesshomaru takes Kaede's advice when he realizes that leaving Rin with her in the village is in her best interests. That way she'd be able to lead a more normal and safer life alongside other humans. Remember, Sessrin shippers, that doesn't mean he wasn't still a part of her life and didn't witness her become a young woman over the years right before his very eyes. Therefore, if they eventually do become romantically involved, then most if not all of those gifts had intimate and seductive intentions and it essentially constitutes as child grooming.

I understand from a Sessrin shipper's point of view why it'd be so much easier to claim Jaken as the father. In doing so, they diminish Sesshomaru's role in her upbringing. By refusing to acknowledge the real role he had in helping raise Rin (short periods can be crucial and impressionable too esp. in a child's early years so yes they did assist in raising her not only Kaede), these shippers are better able to justify how their filial-like relationship evolved into a romantic one. So yeah, I get it, if I were a Sessrin shipper I'd probably do the same. It's one of the more plausible arguments available to them, after all. "Let's pin Jaken as the father to fend off antis!" is the best chance they've got, but even so, it's still not good enough. But if you insist Jaken is indeed like a father to Rin, then Sesshomaru is most certainly one too. Who says she can't have two fathers anyway?

The thing is however much you want to deny or downplay what Sesshomaru truly means to Rin and vice versa, nothing will ever change or hide the truth of the matter. Please, stop acting like they're only traveling companions and nothing more. Some of y'all even go so far as to say that they're like strangers. Knowing potentially little about a person is not equal to a lack of love and affection. Making big assumptions such as this to defend your ship is actually doing you more harm than good. Let me elaborate.

According to your reasoning, if that's all Rin ever was to him was a companion and Sesshomaru had no real attachment to her, then what precisely is the basis of your ship? Recall that Adult!Rin doesn't exist yet, thus we have no real idea what she will be like or if she's even alive. So how can you make comments like that but then go on later to say "they have such a unique and unbreakable bond" or "only Rin can be the mother because she's the only human he ever cared for" if all that time spent traveling together didn't amount to much in the first place like you claimed to believe beforehand? Do you see how your rationalizing is confusing?

Contrary to what some of you may think, I'm not just saying all this because I'm an anti and I'm obligated to disagree with you, or whatever other excuse you want to tell yourself. Believe it or not, I'm attempting to give as unbiased and objective of an analysis I can based on widely accepted interpretations of family dynamics, development, and any history we know of.

Of course I respect that at times fans will perceive things differently since that's bound to happen. What's hard for me to wrap my head around however is the unwillingness of some fans- not exclusively Sessrin shippers- to apply basic common sense and sound judgment to their observations and deductions.

Looking at all our facts, then taking the small handful of scenes Sesshomaru and Rin do share together into account, one can logically conclude that their dynamic is akin to one found in a typical parent-child relationship. If you still fail to recognize Sesshomaru as a parent to Rin, then that's fine too. In the end, that won't really change the fact that he'd still take on a role resembling an adult figure overseeing a young child's care and protection. Be it as a vassal, guardian, what have you. Plus, nobody is saying here that Sesshomaru doesn't make mistakes regarding Rin's general well-being, but so do all parents. Overall, I think the majority of us agree that Rin is in good hands. Whether it's in his direct company or in his occasional supervision from his frequent visits to the village.

In other words, it doesn't really matter what exact title you assign him in relation to Rin, as the distribution of power is all inherently the same with any and all adult-child relationships. That bond never changes once you've established it either, seeing as it's a special kind of connection one can only form with a child and a child alone.

I was a teacher for a few years, and speaking from personal experience, you don't need to be a parent, per se, to take on a role of authority in a child's life. I know without a doubt that I could never and will never view any of those kids I taught in a sexual/romantic light later down the road; yes, not even once they become grown-ups who are independent and more than capable of making their own decisions. Those of you who disagree are usually missing the whole point though, because we're not trying to dictate what Adult!Rin can and cannot do like many tend to accuse of us doing. This isn't a question of taking away from her autonomy nor does it fall under "purity culture," which is why people shouldn't continue jumping to these outrageous conclusions and really listen for a change. You're deflecting from the real issue here when you choose to misinterpret what we're saying by ignoring the problem we're actually referring to. You cannot present a valid counter-argument if you persist in twisting our words.

Bottom line: once these kids become old enough to pursue a sexual/romantic relationship, of course they have that right if they're ready. All we're trying to say is you guys ought to stop pushing forward this it's-completely-normal-to-want-to-bang-your-adoptive-dad-since-you're-an-adult-and-can-do-as-you-please agenda and not expect backlash. Ship it if you want, but please stop acting like their romance would be the epitome of a pure and healthy relationship.

Sesshomaru may not wear his heart on his sleeve, but it's foolish to presume he didn't actually care about Rin during their whole time together just because he didn't openly express his feelings until the very end. Surely everybody can comprehend that people handle and process their emotions differently. The way Sesshomaru chooses to is completely valid for the most part, so let's cut him some slack regarding this already.

What I'm trying to get at is that any child whose life you played an influential role in will always be a kid in a lot ways to you even when they're old and wrinkly. Just as they will always picture you as the loved one who guided and protected them when they were most vulnerable and couldn't always fend for themselves. Can't we relate this to children we know personally and apply it accordingly?

Finally, I want to end on this note. Could you kindly take a look at these two images below for a second?

The reason I ask is because of something I recently read that's relevant to the topic. There was this pro-sessrin tweet I saw that stated Rin trying to take care of Sesshomaru when they first met is what a mom would do for a child, which in their opinion, translates to Rin being more like a mother than a daughter if anything.

First off: are you freaking kidding me????

Seriously, so now children aren't allowed to tend to their sick or injured parents?! Parents are apparently superhuman and shouldn't be offered a helping hand from a child, even if they mean well and want to help their parent who's in pain?? Now this Twitter user was mostly being a smartass, but at the same time, it was evident they genuinely thought they offered a valid enough point that warranted no further explanation or clarification.

Secondly, by saying this Sessrin fans don't seem to realize that in actuality they're contradicting themselves and proving the point we've been trying to make all along. Glancing at the first picture and moving down to the second, the role of the one being cared for and the caretaker is reversed. So then by their own logic, Sesshomaru IS in fact like a father to Rin.

What it comes down to is the names you give to the roles these characters play aren't as crucial as the dynamic they share. The specific characteristics of that dynamic are what define the importance of said role, not so much the name in the role itself. So real father or not, Sesshomaru and Rin clearly mean a lot to each other. Close relationships are defined and solidified by the devotion and belonging they have to one another, not solely by the duration of time spent together and their proximity.

Well, that's a wrap! I hope you guys got something outta this blog, and that you enjoyed or found some portions of it interesting. I would love to hear your thoughts on the subject from this fandom, but only engage in conversation if you plan to be respectful. Thank you!

[btsandvmin]

Collection of asks - BTSandVMIN

Some of the asks I answer I personally feel are worth saving, for me personally, and perhaps for you as well. But I don’t want to put them all in my Masterpost since there are so many and I am sure the list will grow. So I am putting the ones I feel might have something worth reading in one place. 

Thank you all for asking me interesting questions and liking my posts. Asks are written more in the moment than my usual posts, so they might be less accurate as it’s all mostly from the top of my head. The newest ones will actually be on top, and then they will get older going down the list. I’ll update it regularly as I answer more asks. :)

Jimin was so clearly in need of cuddles from Tae as soon as they saw each other

Odd if none of them shared what they did during vacations

It just feels scripted, just like when they're talking abt what each other did during their vacations

100 days of winter bear and jiminie wears something that makes him look like a baby bear

About BV4, do you think it’s weird that Taehyung only found out about what Jimin did during his vacation on the day Jimin was back?

Dionysus stage as battle of gods and V=Apollo(God of Sun) and JM=Artemis(God of Moon) and their dance and wearing twin earrings(as the gods r twins) and I just remembered your whole vmin sun and moon theory

Is Tae Jm's mirror in bighits's fictional world?

Do you know what is the full video of this youtube video "BTS Jimin chose V ? VMin Moment?

When BV: Malta was airing, Jimin would post pictures of each episode on Twitter and stopped on the episode that Taehyung arrives

I'm like a hardcore Km shipper (romantically) since 2016 but i have to agree every song Tae has written connects with Jm

We don't see vmin together often... so yeah jikook could be more real then vmin

I'm trying to find tweets that vmin send to each other on their birthday but I can't find the one that jimin send for tae in 2017 did he send one? 

The new run bts episode was really filmed in May?

Did Jimin released Promise on Tae's birthday?

I am working on a Vmin analysis which is currently 24 pages just in text. O___o

He calls JM "My Baby" but the subtitles put in by BH say "Good Boy" Why would they change the translation. 

Shipping sometimes seems pointless. Especially when "moments" between one ship can easily be spotted with another. 

I can't believe that some fans thought that vmin were not friends anymore because a game!

It's so cute how Jimin and V talked about arguing with each other over small things because they are close friends

I think people who unfollow you are Multishippers who believe in other ship

Is it kind of weird that vmin has never went on a trip by themselves? 

Seeing all the vmin interactions of this last concert, do you think this might be a reason why BH will not give us vmin duet?

I would love to read ur vmin story

Concerning the nightmare before Christmas thing

The Disney birthday project turned up to be false

Jimin thinks V is "mi bb' What does the question mean?

I don't think we'll get a Vmin song

BTS, 191009_ ICN INT' Airport Departure) at 40 seconds

Where do you write fics? I really want to read your fics...

It's interesting to see the way the bh editors work

Where is the vmin break up mini movie video from?

Do you ship Jimin or Tae with k pop girls?

The members trying to break off a vmin moment on cam?

Is it true that bts don't live together?

What do you think about the concept photos? (PERSONA)

What other vmin blogs do you follow or check regularly?

In an usa interview where jimin was kinda leaning on the male interviewer for a few seconds and suddenly tae was looking kinda tense

Did you catch up on everything for bts or/and vmin before the BS&T era?

You should see @vlovers19 blog

I'm sorry if you think I offended you or judged you

Do you know that Tae hold hands with other member even Suga or they all hold hands with each other so it's not only a VMIN thing

About bon voyage 3 and them not sharing rooms and the car

4 oclock is supposedly dedicated to jimin, why Tae waits for him in the park if they live together?

Imagine my surprise when i saw vk/ook,ji/kook were the most popular. I tried to understand but i still don’t get why

Do you think vmins lack of or th reduced amount of skinship comes from the fact that they are same aged friends? 

Other ships (kpopidols) that you like?

Part of me wanted Taehyung to be in Paris too

The boys being apart of the lgbt community that's unrelated to their relationship

If someone in BTS is gay he will try to date girls or maybe marry a girl in the end?

If vmin are really together and if they were to come out, how do you think they would do that?

I feel like they use the word "friend" instead of, idk, "boyfriend”

You saw the hk concert right?

Unknown nickname in his thank you note for “Dark and Wild”

When did Vmin started dating?

Bv3, I ain't getting over it.

I feel like vmin have been sexually involved for a very long time 

Any thoughts abt Tae's three rings on his right hand and always not wearing one on his ring finger?

In bts festa profile 2015 when jimin wrote tae's profile he drew a character that reminds him of taehyung

Did u see the second trailer for bring the soul documentary series? 

In one of your asks you said jk wasn't having a great time in 2017

Are you gonna make a post about vmin sharing rooms?

What would be your top 5 favorite vmin moments? 💜

Run episode to Jm and JK "Are You Guys dating ?"

Barely getting any vmin content

Sometimes i cant help but feel really weird about vmin and feel insecure

Maybe you should just ignore all the asks about other ships

Sharing a car as proof

Docskim not being allowed to release the behind story of Lie

Getting it out of the way… (about various other ships and “proof“)

What are the moments that seems most like "proof" to you? 

Have you seen the Vlive remember party?

At the end of the day, it mostly comes down to personal interpretations and preferences

Do you know why T/ae and J/imin toxic stans really hate each other?

Is it being "delusional" for some vmin fans to think scenery, promise and 4 o' clock are related to vmin?

When will u start answering anons again i really miss ur insight and wise words 

I feel like jimin is forcing himself the affection he is showing is mostly forced

Do you have twitter?

The Rkive Vmin moment when JM ‘refused’ Tae’s cuddle

They were often looking behind cameras and it really shows like in episodes 59&60

Do you think there's a big reason that vm don't do Vlives together anymore

Vmin shippers spreading misinformation in aid of our ship?

Can I use one of your gifs? (I don’t make my own gifs, sorry)

Did you see what Tae said? ie I miss you even after being apart for 10 seconds

When one is clingy, the other will try to act as if it's bothering him

My friend is convinced Ji/kook is real

About namjoon's vlive, "it's a broadcast"

Oof is it just me or the sexual tension was through the roof between vmin in that vlive?

Tae says "our armys are watching this so... " so uhm was that..?

Where does the soulmate thing comes from with vmin?

Taehyung is more open both physically and showing affection wise with every member except Jimin

Have you seen the moments from today's concert? Fukuoka

They can do whatever they want people will say they're such good bros and won't look into it

Holding each other's hands is probably the least platonic thing that they keep doing

Do you know any good vmin analysis youtube account/videos?

why do you think jk and taehyung might not be straight?

Guys, I love vmin so much!

I really like your analysis!! a lot of good points. Can I add a couple things I noticed?

How long do you think vmin have been dating?

u really think vm is real?

Vmin are really bold these days

We get to see them bicker 

The video jimin posted where he's sending hearts to Tae

Feel conflicted about the rise in popularity

I’m a bit worried about the attention Vmin is getting recently

U answered my jik ask so well

Tae being bold because he's bursting with affection

Jimin admitted he was jealous

About the families (+kimchi ep. mini analysis)

About vmin/ji/ook/tae/kook

The whole maknae line

Never seemed to be in the same team

When people "ship" them?

Showing their bond more

About Jikook

About vmin being the less popular ship

Flustered vmin

Yeontan vlive

About the airport moment

Do you think that vmin live together?

About vmin rising in popularity

Do you have a link for that moment during New Year's 2016?

Platonic/bro label on vmin

More than friendship between vmin

My reply - Making Vmin videos

Thank you! A small reply

About my bias

Opinions above people

Once again, THANK YOU ALL so much for loving Vmin so much and for coming to me with your lovely messages. <3

[pelannea]

"Speculating about Real People's Orientations and Relationships"

Can we ARMYs talk about this? Because our fandom is a mess and I have questions.

Where is the line between outing someone (and/or spreading opinions as truths) and discussing the orientation of a public figure from the point of view of either the person’s personal well-being or social issues and politics? Can this kind of discussion ever be justified if the person isn’t out? Are there such things as gradual or partial coming out? When and how does supporting these people begin? Why do some of us think that speculating orientation is fine but speculating relationships is against their morals? Why the hypocrisy?

This is only my take on these questions. I don’t claim that my opinions are the truth or the only correct way to look at things in any way and I do hope people would add their own thoughts to this, whether you agree or disagree or want to bring up a new perspective altogether.

Many of us agree that discussing someone’s private issues requires at least some kind of green light from the person themselves (although this too is debatable and depends on how specific the talk is, of course, for example: “anyone, including this person, could be LGBTQIA+” vs “this person looks terrified whenever someone mentions the topic, let’s spread this analysis of them to spark positive reactions from fans so they’ll know it’s okay”). There are two factors I’d like to talk about specifically: 1) what counts as permission and 2) why is it important this permission is noticed and responded to.

Art is communicative. So are interviews. Both are meant to have an audience and only through one will they fulfill their communicative purpose. When Namjoon says “boyfriend or girlfriend” in front of a camera, I don’t see why he wouldn’t want us to talk about it and speculate what he might’ve meant by that (I have an opinion, yours might be different). He gave us these words and it’s our job to treat them with care. Which, in my opinion, does not include ignoring them just because “we don’t know enough”. I think he gave them to us for a reason.

It’s comparable to Yoongi’s decision to talk about mental health. It’s important to remember he’s a person and, also, to wonder why he’s doing this and why it is important that people keep talking about the topic itself even after Yoongi’s lyrics are thoroughly analysed (is that possible? idk, can a piece of art ever be?). Either way, I’d rather not enhance the taboo status of the topic by looking away or talking about it in hushed tones when someone is willing to show such a vulnerable side to them, and, perhaps, encouraging us to talk about our own.

So why would we ignore the LGBTQIA+ related signs when, in BTS’ case, there have been so, so many of them? Isn’t it our job to pay attention? Why would we have to wait until an official statement of a coming out before we can talk about it? Aren’t they allowed to take one step at a time and shouldn’t we make an effort to meet them halfway? I’m not trying to analyse the symbolism behind BTS’ logos with what I’m going to say next, I’ll just use them as a metaphor: there are two, same double door pictured from different sides. It’s BTS’ job to decide what to do with that door while it is not our business to go banging our fists against it. But since the door is there and we are there, waiting, it’s our business to acknowledge it when we realise it’s there. There’s also been talk about “glass closets”, and I agree, the door might be transparent, or it might be becoming transparent before it finally opens for real. And at this point, when we notice the door they’ve personally pointed at without saying anything, I think this communication or discussion based on the clues they leave for us, should take place.

And if none of this is happening after all, is it so bad to let them know we’re there anyway, just in case a door one day appears?

Because support shouldn’t come into the picture only when someone comes out. There are plenty of stories where a teen comes out to their parent(s), first anxious and scared and then relieved when the parent says that of course they still love them. Heartwarming? Not really. If the parent was okay with it, why did the kid have such a hard time saying it? Why didn’t the parent make sure from the beginning that in their home their kid had nothing to fear? A closeted idol isn’t that different, if we don’t let them know we have their back even when they haven’t even said anything yet, they won’t know how we’d react. It’s easy to show this kind of support towards the community by calling out heteronormativity and not let it slide when people are being stuffed into those mass-produced default molds.

And now, speculating about relationships.

Someone told me that it’s sick to get representation from real people. But?? Isn’t that the most important kind of representation? Because celebrities and other public figures who are not only openly LGBTQIA+ but are also living, or trying to live, normal, healthy, successful lives play an important part in normalizing our existence? That includes normalizing relationships and having a family. The more invisible the community is, the harder it is to aim for a more equal society. Am I wrong? (If that person referred to getting that representation through forcing those people into it, then I agree because that has nothing to do with representation, that sounds more like trying to out them for your own benefit.)

But then there’s shipping.

Shipping and people’s prejudice against it is distorting our attitudes towards the above discussion so much that people who say, “I think this video that was released for millions of people to see and includes motifs with some traditionally romantic connotations and a love song from a gay artist might actually be romantic in nature and I think it is time for us to question why such a video was released” is treated like they’re a horrible person whose only goal is to fetishise the whole concept. No wonder there are so many people who have become hesitant to call themselves shippers anymore because of all the hate they get for their opinions.

But why is it that there is one ship name that has become such a curse word over any other pairing’s that it’s enough for people to flip out so bad it leads to hate, bullying and people within our own fandom turning against each other? I mean, ship wars and receiving hate from non-shippers are things that have happened before but I’ve never seen it this bad before. Why has it become so easy to call shippers toxic when, in truth, the tag itself is slowly starting to challenge its views and becoming more socially aware? (Not on everyone’s part, I’m not trying to defend those who have been rude and disrespectful and so on, there is no such group that doesn’t have those people but the change in the tag is still there.) After the release of the video (you know which video I’m talking about), there have been more people every day who talk about the oppression LGBTQIA+ idols face, more people who are scared for these people’s safety and more people talking about how they’re doing soul-searching of what shipping and/or supporting means to them.

The ethics of shipping is a topic of its own and I won’t go into that here. But talking about a potential relationship is not always about that and it wouldn’t hurt if those who are against shipping took one objective moment to try to understand the difference, even when a shipper and a supporter are the same person. To me, it really looks like shipping has been clouding our judgement on both sides. There are shippers in whose best interest isn’t the well-being of the idols but rather their own personal gain they get from them and there are people aggressively against all kinds of shippers, supporters and speculators alike. Some of these people are LGBTQIA+ themselves, some of whom have no problem speculating orientations even, and I’ve really been trying to wrap my head around that concept.

But in the end, the homophobes and the anti-shippers are saying the same: “stop saying they’re together, they’re not, you’re disgusting". It doesn’t really matter if these people have entirely different reasoning for what they’re saying because on the surface it just looks like a lot of people being against the idea of a same-sex couple, against real people who might or might not be trying to communicate with us. And if they aren’t, it’s not the worst thing to tell someone that if a door one day appears, we’re already there anyway, to make sure they don’t fall.