#And her magic is from making contracts with various demons and devils and stuff

[spear-gsun]

Does Cosmos like walking along mycelium as if they’re magic ley lines, and maybe mushrooms sprout from mycelium where she steps? Do u have any personality in mind for her? 👀

Ooooh that idea of her walking along mycelium and having mushrooms sprout from where she steps is very cool, she could probably do that! In terms of the personality in mind idk, the idea for her is that she lives in the deepest parts of the forest of magic, where the mushrooms grow the largest and the air is the most toxic to regular creatures So it's not very often that people encounter her, and she has nearly no interest in other people. She'll just ramble on about the mushrooms of the forest to anyone who approaches her, but if you listen to her long enough, she has some really great knowledge of magic that she's willing to share

I think she could almost be an urban legend for the residents of the forest, with how rare she is to encounter and how she's sort of off-putting to everyone else with all the mushrooms growing off of her

Sorry that doesn't describe much of her personality but more what i think everyone else around her thinks of her lol

[looneywanderers]

𝕆𝕧𝕖𝕣𝕧𝕚𝕖𝕨

Mugman: 3'7" / 110 cm

Ingrid: 5'9" / 175 cm

Asha: 5'1" / 154 cm

Cuphead: 6'8" / 203 cm

Bendy: 7'3" / 221 cm

JestÖ: 7'5" / 226 cm

Boris: 7"11" / 243 cm

ℙ𝕣𝕠𝕗𝕚𝕝𝕖𝕤

(There may be spoilers for some character and main story lore in trivias!)

Name: Cuphead

Species: Cup-headed toon

Role: Protagonist

Age: 18

Height: 6'8"

Sex: Male

Gender: Cismale (he/him)

Sexuality: Romeric

Relationships: Mugman (younger brother), Ernest (love interest), Unnamed mother, Unnamed father

Type of Toon: Paint Magic toon

Likes: Quiet time, reading, cozy areas, family time

Dislikes: Exessively presumptuous people

Strengths: Resilience

Weaknesses: Absent-minded, no significant strength

𝕋𝕣𝕚𝕧𝕚𝕒:

~ Cuphead's gender is leaning towards demiboy, but is still questioning his gender

~ Cuphead is the main character of this series. He ended up accidentally making a deal with the devil, who disguised himself as a regular toon at Catreena's bar. Now he needs to bring back the Devil's contracts that his runaway debtors still have (which requires fighting. A lot of fighting) or he loses his soul.

~ He ended up getting help from other toons over time, which are Ingrid/Riddi, Ernest, Catreena, and eventually Boris, Jesto, Allison and even his little brother Mugman

~ Cuphead is 18 years old

~ Cuphead's real name is Carson Suramicson, but he prefers Cuphead because that was the nickname that was given to him from various people throughout his life

~ He sometimes visits Catreena's bar to get a drink when he's either upset or feels like talking to someone

~ Cuphead spends time in his head usually, which makes him mostly unaware of his surroundings

~ Cuphead grew up without a father and left his mother at an early age so he actually feels kinda hurt when people make a motherless/fatherless joke towards him

~ Cuphead isn't depressed, he's just tired/calm. He's actually visibly more witty and talkative when he's in a good mood.

~ Cuphead is rather wary of Bendy, since he made a deal with the Devil and now Riddi has made a deal with a demon, Bendy.

~ Since Cuphead didn't really have much of a mother figure, he sees Catreena as sort of a mother figure and once even called her mom on accident

Name: Mugman

Species: Mug-headed toon

Role: Supporting character

Age: 8

Height: 3'7"

Sex: Male

Gender: Cismale (he/him)

Sexuality: Unlabeled

Relationships: Cuphead (older brother), Unnamed mother, Unnamed father

Type of Toon: Paint Magic toon

Likes: Nature, literature, savory foods, quality time with the group

Dislikes: Insensitive jokes, drama, pushyness

Strengths: Maturity, Intelligence

Weaknesses: Vulnerability, innocence

𝕋𝕣𝕚𝕧𝕚𝕒:

~ Mugman's real name is "Michael Suramicson"

~ Mugman is Cuphead's little brother, who ironically is the smarter one, so there are times where Mugman has to remind Cuphead about some things and such

~ Mugman ended up joining the group later than most of the toons there because Cuphead didn't want to have him get hurt

~ Mugman is 8 years old

~ Mugman is more mature than the average adult, but he's still a kid

~ He spends most of his time reading books (mostly about the environment, plant life, or just life in general. But he avoids the news because there is usually nothing but negative stuff in it)

~ Mugman usually puts himself to sleep when it's bedtime, instead of relying on an adult to tuck him in

Name: Ingrid

Species: Picasso toon

Role: Supporting character

Age: 18

Height: 5'11"

Sex: Female

Gender: Genderfluid (he/they mainly)

Sexuality: Sapphic

Relationships: Unnamed mother, Bendy (potential love interest), Ernest (childhood friend)

Type of Toon: Paint Magic toon

Likes: Drawing, energy drinks, cats, rainy weather, ghosts

Dislikes: Hot days, bugs, no freedom of choice

Strengths: Perceptive, imaginative

Weaknesses: Clumsy, absent-minded, impulsive

𝕋𝕣𝕚𝕧𝕚𝕒:

~ Ingrid's common nickname is "Riddi"

~ Riddi was one of the first toons that Cuphead asked for help for because Riddi has a bit of knowledge about ink magic (but not so much paint magic) and Cuphead thought it would be helpful to use magic for his fighting

~ Riddi can do ink magic, but is competent at it, and they're definitely not an expert. They can do like two considerably good moves using ink and maybe a few minor things that are okay but still needs practice

~ Riddi likes wandering around and exploring, so they found an abandoned studio (and the studio was kinda big which peaked their interest) so after a few hours of looking around they found a fountain pen, but then a tall ink demon with wings came out and started chasing Riddi.

~ Riddi is 18 years old

~ Riddi is a great artist, they've been drawing ever since they've been able to pick up a crayon

~ Riddi is very likely neurodivergent, suspecting to have ADHD and/or autism

~ When Riddi is startled, they become shaped like a 3d polygon and stiffen like a toy. During this state they can be tipped over like a fainted goat

~ Riddi isn't supposed to be edgy as a well-written kind of way, and their past has nothing to do with it either. They simply just like dressing the way they dress.

~ Riddi is clumsy due to maladaptive daydreaming, which is mostly just accidentally bumping into people or bumping their side on the corner of a table

~ Riddi likes Witchcraft and Paganism (explaining the necklace), but doesn't believe in any specific god or goddess, and isn't religious

~ Riddi is always seen wearing a choker and their signature pentacle necklace

~ Riddi has an awful memory. They could think of one thing to say but as soon as they think of something else for even 5 seconds, the previous thought just disappears

~ Riddi's design is based off of ENA

Asha: Ernest

Species: Dog Toon

Role: Support Character

Age: 40's

Height: 5'1"

Sex: Female

Gender: Cisfemale (she/her)

Sexuality: Bisexual

Relationships: Allison (wife), Boris (love interest)

Type of Toon: Ink Magic toon

Likes: Quiet time, tea, vintage jewellery, muffins

Dislikes: Hot weather, loud/repetitive noises

Strengths: Physically strong, sharp minded

Weaknesses: Little bit of a picky eater, weak at being sneaky

𝕋𝕣𝕚𝕧𝕚𝕒:

~ Caught Fritz's attention within very first sight

~ Took Cuphead and Mugman under her wing when the two were younger, because they left their parents at a younger age than intended

~ Her back doesn't actually hurt because of her chest, this is cartoon logic, what are you gonna do about it

~ She is often underestimated because of her small, overall appearance, but if something goes terribly wrong she will absolutely step in and try and solve the issue in a logical, mature manner

Name: Bendy

Species: Artificial Demon toon

Role: Supporting character

Age: Early 20's (Biologically)

Height: 7'3"

Sex: Male

Gender: Agender (he/it)

Sexuality: Asexual

Relationships: Riddi (potential love interest), Jesto (foe)

Type of Toon: Ink Magic toon

Likes: Bacon soup (unironically), historic art, music

Dislikes: Jesto's entire personality

Strengths: Physical strength, expert ink magic user

Weaknesses: Cockiness, Unnecessarily honest

𝕋𝕣𝕚𝕧𝕚𝕒:

~ Two creators named Joey and Henry started a studio together to create a ginormous amusement park (basically the looney wanderers equivalent to Disneyland) called Bendy Land.

~ What started this off was Joey being very impressed by Henry's character "Bendy" which really inspired him to do all of this.

~ Once they got to actually trying to hire someone to act as Bendy, Joey has really really high standards and didn't like any of them. He wanted this theme park to be the best of all with the "real" Bendy, so he was set on bringing Bendy to life using ink magic.

~ You could say Joey wasn't a very patient man, and Henry knew this, but there was no point in trying to tell him because he also knew that Joey was really stubborn and won't stop until the job is done.

~ This resulted in Bendy's creation ending in a disaster. The ink magic had no control and brought many awful abominations to life, which led to the studio needing to be abandoned. There were a few casualties that happened during this. Joey and Henry's current whereabouts are unknown.

~ Years later, a certain Picasso toon sneaked into the studio to look around. Hours later, they found a fountain pen, and Bendy came out and started chasing them, and Riddi ran out of instinct.

~ The chasing wasn't him wanting to kill Riddi, he was more curious because he hasn't seen a non-corrupted toon in years, much less one with color.

~ After a long cat-and-mouse chase, Riddi finally got caught (because they tripped lol) Riddi found out that Bendy didn't want to harm them.

~ The two of them made a deal, that Riddi will bring Bendy outside of the Studio to be free, and in return, Bendy will be Riddi's bodyguard. Bendy was pretty desperate so he agreed. However, Riddi didn't know of Bendy's killer instinct

~ Bendy now chills in the same fountain pen that he was trapped in, but it's carried around by Riddi. They communicate through it, but most people can't hear it since most of it is just whispering.

~ Bendy can freely go in and out of the pen

~ Bendy does not have a specific age, but it's physically in it's very early 20's

~ Despite being a whole ink demon, Bendy is still quite witty in personality, coming from how he was supposed to turn out as a toon.

~ Bendy can do many forms of Ink Magic entirely due to his accidental creation, but can't control a 3rd of it

~ Bendy is allergic to cats (that includes toons like Catreena and Ernest)

~ Bendy is very sex-repulsed

~ Bendy's romantic orientation is unlabeled, but he doesn't use the label "unlabeled." If you were to put it into words, he doesn't really care about gender, but he doesn't call himself pan. He doesn't really think about it too much

~ Bendy has a strong new yorker accent

~ Bendy is really strong. He can behead someone with one hand and can put a dent twice the size of a basketball in a wall made from brick (this is because in the canon Bendy game, he beheaded the Prodjectionist with one hand)

Name: Boris

Species: Wolf toon

Role: Supporting character

Age: 40's

Height: 7'11"

Sex: Male

Gender: Cismale (he/him)

Sexuality: Straight Ally

Relationships: Allison (past girlfriend), Catreena (love interest)

Type of Toon: Ink Magic toon

Likes: Rich foods, small wildlife, spring, people who mean well

Dislikes: Heartless people

Strengths: Physical strength, biological strength

Weaknesses: Scared to hurt anything, slow-witted

𝕋𝕣𝕚𝕧𝕚𝕒:

~ Tom the Wolf was Allison's girlfriend before the huge mistake Joey made

~ Tom was left in the studio during the inky incident, and Twisted Alice (who was born from the inky mess made by Joey) got to Tom before anyone else did. She mutated him into a large, rancid abomination (also known as Brute Boris in canon)

~ During Allison's purging years when Catreena thought Allison was dead (because she left unannounced), Allison went back to the studio not only to trap Bendy in a pen and end Twisted Alice, but to also look for Tom. She found him as Brute Boris when she got there. She was nearly killed, but Allison was able to heal him and make him into a normal (?) toon, but now only remembers his name as Boris and has no memories of being with Allison.

~ Allison still had business to attend to, and there was nothing Boris would be able to do, and he doesn't even remember being with her, so she let him go out into the toon world.

~ Then Boris found his way to the town where Catreena worked and Cuphead lived, and Catreena and Boris fell in love.

~ When Allison came back and Catreena, Allison and Boris united, there was awkward drama between them and Catreena needed a break. ~ Boris is a certified Himbo

Name: Allison

Species: Angel toon

Role: Supporting character

Age: 40's

Height: Unspecified

Sex: Female

Gender: Cisfemale (she/her)

Sexuality: Lesbian

Relationships: Catreena (wife), Boris (past boyfriend), Bendy (foe)

Type of Toon: Ink Magic toon

Likes: Spending time with her loved ones

Dislikes: Bendy, people who cause trouble on purpose

Strengths: Cautious, planning skills, weaponry knowledge

Weaknesses: Paranoid, cautious to a fault, easily angry

𝕋𝕣𝕚𝕧𝕚𝕒:

~ Allison Angel was a toon that used to work in Joey's studio, and during this time, she was married to Tom, and was lucky to get out alive during the incident. However, Tom was left in there.

~ Both Tom and Allison inspired Henry to make "Boris" and "Alice"

~ Some years after the incident, Allison and Catreena met and eventually got married.

~ One day however, Allison disappeared. This left Catreena heartbroken, and eventually she came to the conclusion that Allison was dead.

~ However, months after the group formed, Allison came back. All those years that she had been gone, Allison had been taking care of things that needed to be done at the abandoned studio. Purging any left over evil that could have manifested over time that would eventually grow and leave the studio, and she was searching the world for any other imperfect inky creatures that could have left other than Fritz. She basically worked as a bounty hunter.

~ Fritz was an inky anthropomorphic toon that had been born from the disaster created by Joey, and had been able to escape. Fritz's existence is what had brought Allison to do what she did for all those years.

~ During Allison's purging years, when she was in the studio, she was the one that trapped Bendy in the pen because it was something Allison had considered the biggest of all inky threats.

~ When Allison saw that Bendy was in the group for the first time, she nearly plunged the spear she had into him, but those in te group stopped her because he hasn't actually done anything wrong. Allison still thinks that Bendy is trying to trick the group in some way (so now it's kind of a Vaggie-Alastor thing going on)

~ Bendy probably mocks Allison just to pick on her

~ Allison only let's Catreena nickname her, which is "Al" or "Ally," but when other people call her those, she tells them "It's Allison." In a straightfoward, hard way.

Name: JestÖ

Species: Artificial Clown toon

Role: Main side character

Age: Early 20's (Biologically), 2 (Choronologically)

Height: 7'5"

Sex: Male

Gender: Male + Xenogenders (he/it/clown)

Sexuality: Pansexual

Relationships: Riddi (accidental creator), Bendy (enemy)

Type of Toon: Paint Magic toon

Likes: Practicing contortion, his audience, outgoing people

Dislikes: People who try and ruin his fun, Bendy

Strengths: Flexibility, extroversion

Weaknesses: Always does his own thing, egocentric

𝕋𝕣𝕚𝕧𝕚𝕒:

~ Jesto was made when Riddi was around 15 years of age. Jesto wasn't born, but he was created using paint magic that Riddi's mother had been working on for years.

~ Riddi, (being as clumsy as they are) accidentally bumped the vile with the paint magic serum, and it fell onto the floor, and broke.

~ Luckily, the serum used to create Jesto had nearly been finished mutating by the time the serum escaped.

~ Months after Jesto's creation, Jesto created an entire circus just by his paint magic alone. The circus is simply called "JESTO'S" in giant bold letters with lights lining inside of it as the sign.

~ Jesto seems kinda creepy but in actuality he's just really extroverted and good at staying funny and not giving into negativity

~ "Ladies and gentleman! And those outside and in between of course, the show's about to start!! Are you ready?!" "no!" "Me neither!! I slept in today and I'm tired as hell but I gotta get paid today, so let's begin!!"

~ Jesto sometimes calls Riddi mother as a joke

~ Jesto and Bendy tend to bicker a lot

~ "Can you shut your piehole for five minutes clown-shit" "Oooo~! Someone's fiesty!"

~ Jesto is a contortionist, drag queen, poledancer and a ringmaster.

~ Jesto is often called "clownshit" by Bendy

[joshversus]

... Holiday Gaming, Year 5

It is absolutely batshit that I’ve been running these stupid Risus one-shot adventures every December for half a decade.  And yet, here we are, and once again I close out a year’s tabletop RPG play with a chaotic mess of wild improvisation and half-baked ideas loosely themed to midwinter celebrations.  You can read about previous years adventures here, here, here, and here.  

This year formed a direct sequel to last year’s game, which was itself a semi-sequel to the first holiday one shot.  

Following a lawsuit alleging image infringement, trademark violations, defamation, and mail fraud (among other charges), Lucifer settled out of court.  As a result of the arbitration, Lucifer (Satan) is legally obligated to fulfill those letters intended for Santa which, due to misspelling, have been delivered to the Infernal Pit instead.  The letters from Good Children, in particular, must be fulfilled on Christmas Eve as is the expected contract with Santa.  Of course, Lucifer himself is embedded waist-deep in Cocytus, the frozen lake at the bottom of Hell, and anyway you don’t get to reign over the entire Inferno without delegating, so the work has been farmed out to lesser demons.  The easy letters are dealt with by imps and various minor servitors, but there remain a few more problematic missives, and the Devil has appointed these to five of the lords of Hell to handle before Christmas morning.  

Our player characters are:

HAAGENTI, President of Hell, governor over 33 legions, in the shape of a winged bull. (Polymath 4, Boozehound 3, Demon 2, Alchemist 1)

AMDUSIAS, Duke of Hell, governor over 29 legions, in the shape of an upright unicorn. (Magical Musician 4, Treebender 3, Booming Voice 2, Demon 1)

BARBATOS, Duke of Hell, governor over 30 legions, in the shaped of a devilish bearded man. (Demon 4, Dr. Doolittle 3, Treasure Hunter 2, Fortune Teller 1)

FURFUR, Earl of Hell, governor over 26 legions, in the shape of a hart with a fiery tail. (Cupid 4, Thunder and Lightning 3, Demon 2, Soothsayer 1)

MARCHOSIAS, Marquess of Hell, governor over 30 legions, in the shape of a winged wolf with a flaming mouth. (Rowdy Boy 4, Demon 3, Fundamentally Honest 2, Flamethrower 1)

(Our demonic cast is directly but loosely based off their attributes as recorded in The Lesser Key of Solomon.)

Lucifer lays out the deal: Get this done before dawn. They’ve got to follow the rules Santa laid on in arbitration:

No teleporting inside the residence.  They can teleport to it, but must get inside physically.

No damage.  No blasting the walls down with hellfire or the like. Santa doesn’t do property damage.

No getting seen, unless being seen fosters belief in Santa Claus and the Magic of Christmas.

If milk and cookies or other snacks have been left out for Santa, they must be consumed.

Letters from Good Children must be fulfilled.

There are five Good Child letters left. Lucifer has provided them with a magic sack which will provide the next letter as each is fulfilled, and also potentially provide gifts or other useful tools (no guarantees).  The letters are revealed first with names and locations, and only once the party is at the residence is the child’s request made visible.  It is also established that the demons all basically have a roughly 13th-16th century European level of understanding.

LETTER ONE comes from Jimothy Sanchez of Passaic, New Jersey.  Jimothy lives with his father Oliver, stepmother Alanis, and his older stepsister Quinn. Jimothy is eight.

The demons arrive via teleportation outside the two-story suburban home of the Sanchez family.  They are confused by the environment, but immediately begin debating how to get in.  Examination of the letter reveals that Jimmy wants a “fidget spinner” and to “go to space like an astronaut.”

Barbatos begins interrogating a nightbird for information on how to get inside. “You’re tellin’ me you want to get in there to give a little boy a ‘present’?  You fuckin’ pervert,” the thickly-NJ-accented bird replies.  Eventually, the bird summons some pigeons, who attack Marchosias.  Furfur responds by summoning lighting to strike the bird’s tree, which splits and bursts into flames.

This wakes the father inside, who (as can be seen through the window) calls the fire department, although the demons are unclear on what’s happening.  Barbatos turns himself into an approximation of Santa (long white beard, red sharkskin suit, curling ram’s horns) as the fire department arrives. Marchosias and Haagenti teleport back to Dis to visit the infernal library and attempt to unravel the word “astronaut”. Amdusias attempts to pull a key out of the magic sack, but gets a viper instead, which she discards on the ground where it almost immediately bites a fireman.  Oliver Sanchez comes outside, and Barbatos introduces himself as Santa, leading to a great deal of confusion.  Marchosias and Haagenti return, and Haagenti attempts to sell the Santa con by turning into an elf, but succeeds only in turning into an Elf on the Shelf, all of which causes Mr. Sanchez to faint.  Barbatos picks up the EotS and they and Marchosias go inside.  After getting the rundown on what “astronaut” means, Barbatos attempts to get a book on Space from the bag, and gets a book about NASA.  Amdusias downs the milk and cookies, and is revolted by the lack of parasites.  Based on the book, he goes to the Moon, where he attempts to collect a footprint left there by astronauts.  Since it’s all moon dust, he just gets a fist of dust.  He brings that back and stuff it and a wooden top (provided by the sack in response to a request for a fidget spinner) into the stocking labeled Jimothy, and the demons collectively bug out while the firefighters attempt to revive their envenomed compatriot.  

LETTER TWO comes from the children of St. Guinefort’s Home for Disadvantaged Children, an archaic Catholic orphanage in NYC’s Lower East Side.  Surprisingly, the children have not requested anything unreasonable, but have requested a badminton set so they can play together.  Haagenti and Barbatos teleport to the roof of the building in search of a chimney, and finding one Barbatos tosses Haagenti (still in stuffed elf form) down it.  Haagenti hits a metal barrier and finds himself trapped.  Furfur joins them and drops a steaming, acidic load of demon poo down it, burning a hole through the closed flue and dumping Haagenti into a disused storeroom.  Barbatos turns into a rat and follows him down.  Haagenti attempts to take the form of a child and only manages to become a naked, horned baby with a devil’s tail, but is at least able to crawl around.  Barbatos goes for Santa mode again, but this time ends up worse, appearing gaunt and skeletal in his red garb.  Barbatos stuffs the baby Haagenti into the magic bag, a transimensional experience which shatters his mind and that of Furfur, who was scrying on their progress at the moment.  The two have a close encounter with and narrowly avoid the notice of a nun doing the rounds, and manage to quickly locate a room full of sleeping children, where a sad, Charlie-Brown-esque tree sits with no presents around.  Outside, Amdusias attempts to prevent any undue attention by summoning the sound of a traditional Christmas carol, but unwittingly makes everyone in earshot lose Whamageddon instead, followed by Fairytale of New York.

Back inside, Barbatos extracts the extremely dazed Haagenti from the sack, and then attempts to get a badminton set out of it.  The sack provides everything required: net, rackets, shuttlecocks, posts, post-hole digger, cardboard tube forms for pouring concrete anchors for the posts, bags of concrete, a backhoe and steamroller for flattening the court, turf, grass seed, chalk, a spreader, etc.  The room is very full, and the tree is entirely obscured.  

The demons retreat to Central Park, where they have a brief altercation with some hoodlums, before heading to the next home.

LETTER THREE was from Emily Chen of Hollywood, California, where she lives with her mother Amy and three brothers Ted, Leo, and Bobby in a three-bedroom apartment on the fifth floor of a walk-up building.  Emily, as the letter reveals, wants a pony.

Amdusias’s tree-bending bends a palm over the fence and lets everybody past the gates of the building, and the demons gather around the door to apartment.  Barbatos uses his treasure-finding skills to locate a key.  It is inside the apartment.  A cat is sensed inside, and Barbatos attempts to convince the cat to let them in.  The cat explains that even if it wanted to, it can’t work the lock.  A bribe of fish is offered if the cat will retrieve the key and push it under the door - the cat agrees if they will give it sushi.  A key is pushed under the door.  It does not fit in the lock.  Haagenti turns it into a more ductile metal to make it fit into the keyhole, and then attempts to firm it up so it can be turned, but in doing so ends up fusing it into the keyhole.  The cat demands sushi, which when extracted from the bag is revealed to be a piece of tamago nigiri.  An offer of salmon is made, but the cat again points out they are not capable of working the locks.  One of the demons tried to turn the cat into a human.  The locks click, the door opens, and a very sexy, very naked, and entirely testicle-less human man is revealed, demanding salmon.  The salmon is given, but the former cat asks for its balls back in exchange for letting them in and not just blowing up their spot right then and there.  Magic succeeds in restoring the man-cat’s genitals, and after garbing himself in a child’s gym shorts and some flip-flops, the cat leaves into the Hollywood night and the demons are free to enter. 

The living room bears a silver metallic tree, which confuses them, but they quickly and successfully extract a full-sized live pony and a bale of moist hay form the sack, the demons depart.

LETTER FOUR comes from Bethany-Ann Mayweather of South Carolina.  Bethany, it turns out, lives in a heavily-fortified survivalist compound in the woods with her dad (Steve), two brothers (Jesse and Dave), and two sisters (Katie and Donna-Lee.  The entire place is surrounded by an electrified fence topped with razor wire.

Emily would like to go to school like other children.

Things get weird.  Amdusias bends a tree over the fence, and Furfur drops down to discover that the clear ground between the fence and the building itself is heavily mined, exploding instantly (but non-fatally, because demon).  Lights are going on at the compound as Furfur starts bouncing around setting off mines and motion-sensing lamps.

Marchosias has the idea that the humans at the first house had somehow summoned that metal chariot in response to the burning tree by talking into that weird curved oblong shape, and that if they do the same maybe the metal chariot will help them get in.  Reaching into the bag extracts a banana.  Marchosias holds it to the side of his head and says hello.

“Hello?” says a sleepy voice from the banana.  “Who is this?”

“Uh, Mark,” responds Marchosias, who is Fundamentally Honest.  “Are you the...cops?  There is a little girl and there is a lot of gunpowder and fire and explosions.”

“What?  No, this is Raffi.  How did you get this number?  Is this a prank?”

It is established that this is not a prank (”Did Steve put you up to this?” “There’s a Steve here but no.” “From Blue’s Clues.” “I don’t know who or what that is.” “Mark, I’m looking at this caller ID here, and it just says ‘banana’.  What’s going on?”).  Barbatos teleports to this ‘Raffi’, the shock of which causes Raffi to suffer a heart attack and die. Barbatos resurrects Raffi as an undead revenant, and after difficulty (”Raffi, how do we call the police?” “RING.  RING.  RING.  BANANAPHONE.”) manage to extract the magical incantation “911″ from the former children’s entertainer.  Marchosias invokes this to the banana and connects to emergency services, and after a very complicated discussion (and some light aerial reconnaissance to pinpoint a location) succeeds in convincing them that there is a dangerous, heavily-armed incident at the compound and a child is in danger.  SWAT is being sent.  Meanwhile, Furfur is drawing gunfire from the survivalist dad, and Amdusias uses spectral music to distract him while they slip inside.

The six-foot-tall unicorn-headed naked figure reaches the crude two-dimensional paper Christmas tree inside the survival bunker and attempts to eat the dry saltines and rehydrated powdered milk that has been left out.  They are interrupted by the sleepy-eyed and tow-headed Bethany-Ann, who asks who they are.  Amdusias explains that they’re subbing in because Blitzen is sick.  Blitzen is Bethany-Ann’s favorite.  Amdusias tells her she’s going to get to go to school soon, and after a hug sends Bethany-Ann to hide under her bed until some nice people come get her.  Furfur attempts to use his lightning powers to dash Blitzen-like over the compound to drive home the Christmas-ness of it all, and instead burns holes through a number of trees as he accelerates to an appreciable fraction of the speed of light.  The remaining demons depart as militarized police descend on the compound.

THE FINAL LETTER is from Marcus Fitzwilliams III, son of Buck and Nancy, brother to Samantha, of Casper, Wyoming.  Marcus is ten, and he would like “a fortnite”.  The demons gather outside the ranch-style suburban home and debate what that means.  Eventually, they decide this means he wants to spend a night in a fort, and locating the Fort Caspar Museum nearby they plan to liberate the child from the house and take him there.  They decide against a plan to bring the fort to the house on the grounds that this might cause property damage.  Everyone but Marchosias goes to the backyard; Marchosias, who at this point looks like Bea Arthur because of reasons, remains out front with the banana to allay suspicion.

In the backyard, Barbatos again attempts to find a key, but fails.  He does detect a dog, and attempts to convince the dog to let them in.  The dog declines. “Stranger bad.  Bite stranger.”  An offer of bacon is made, and raw bacon pulled from the sack.  “Bacon good.  Bite bacon.  Bite stranger.  Good dog.”  This goes back and forth for a bit, and the dog starts barking.  Barbatos attempts to turn into a dog to sell the bit, and turns into a massive, ebon mastiff with glowing red eyes.  The bacon falls on the ground.  Furfur is now hiding in trees behind the house, joined by Amdusias, who attempts to keep things under control by bellowing “somebody let that dog out for a walk”, which comes out in a titanic demonic shout which rattles windows and kills the azaleas.  Lights come on.  The backdoor opens and Buck, carrying a rifle, looks at the giant demon dog and Haagenti, who is still a demonic baby, and the pile of bacon.  In the trees, the flaming tail of Furfur glows. 

“MA, GET UP AND CHECK THE FRONT, I THINK THE METHHEADS ARE TRYIN’ TO ROB US.”

Shit goes sideways quick.  Nancy opens the front door and sees Bea Arthur standing in her yard talking into a banana, and confirms the meth suspicion to buck.  The dog escapes into the yard and eats the bacon.  Baby Haagenti jumps on mastiff Barbatos’ back and the two dash into the house as Buck fires wildly at them and the intruders in the trees.  Nancy shoots the bananaphone and the side of Bea Arthur’s face.  Inside the house, Haagenti and Barbatos dodge bullets semi-successfully.  Haagenti scarfs cookies while Barbatos abandons the original plan and reaches into the bag while thinking “Fort Night”, pulling forth a card with a download code for Minecraft.  Furfur pulls his lightning-assisted flight trick over the house while Amdusias tries a bellowing “HO HO HO” so loud and infernal it shatters windows in houses throughout the neighborhood.

The list complete, the demons depart for Dis, where they are quickly met by Asmodeus, who tells them the boss wants to see them. The demon lords report total success, but receive a thorough chewing-out from Lucifer, who details the many, many violations they have committed and the agonies he is going to inflict on them for their failure.  

“You know the ring where we bury people up to their face in flaming shit?”  “Yeah, that one’s great.”  “Not for the humans.  I’m going to turn you all into humans and stick you there for the next thousand years.”

The demons attempt to portray their actions in a favorable light, and Amdusias protests and attempts to get the sounds of Michael Bublé’s Let it Snow to play and encourage the spirit of the holiday to earn them some clemency. However, it turns instead into Snow’s Informer as Belial reveals himself from behind Lucifer’s torso and tells them he was following and reporting on them the whole time, everyone gets in a Christmas “no, fuck you”, our heroes are consigned to flaming shit, and credits roll. Happy Holidays, everyone.

[itsbenedict]

No Driver’s License: Index and Recap

No Driver’s License was a Madoka Magica game I ran for five players, using a homebrew of Yaruki Zero’s Magical Burst system. It followed five magical girls as they dealt with an upheaval in the world’s magic system caused by some strange new three-eyed Incubators. They figured out what was going on, who they could trust, and how to put a stop to the cycle of despair.

This is a masterpost of all the recap posts documenting the campaign. Past the index, under the readmore, you’ll find an overarching recap of the whole story, if you want a peek into what happened without reading through 42+ sessions of notes and screencaps.

(Note: Omakes became progressively more important to the plot as the campaign progressed, so if you want the whole story you should probably read those too.)

Session 0

Session 1

Session 2

Session 3

Session 4

Session 5

Omakes 5.1-2

Session 6

Omakes 6.1-2

Session 7

Omakes 7.1-2

Session 8

Session 9

Session 10

Omakes 9.1 and 10.1-3

Session 11

Session 12

Session 13

Omakes 11.1-3 and 13.1-2

Session 14

Omakes 14.1-7  

Session 15

Omakes 15.1-4 and bonus

Session 16

Session 17a and Session 17b

Omakes 17.1-2

Session 18

Session 19

Session 20

Session 21

Session 22

Session 23

Omakes 23.1-5

Session 24

Omakes 24.1-3

Session 25

Omakes 25.1-2

Session 26

Session 27

Session 28

Omake 28.1 and Omake 28.2

Session 29

Omakes 29.4-6

Session 29½ (or Omakes 29.1-3) 

Session 30

Omakes 30.1-3

Session 31

Session 32

Session 33

Omake 33.1

Session 34

Session 35

The most important NDL post

Session 36

Session 37

Session 38

Session 39

Session 40

Session 41

Session 42 (Epilogue)

0-1: So, okay, what happened in this campaign? Well, a tragic loner veteran, an exuberant trans girl, a justice delinquent, and a cult victim walk into a bar, and by a bar I mean they contract with Incubators for various reasons. Then, sometime later, they all get together to form a super-team at the behest of one of those Incubators. The good one, not the evil one that summons monsters. That one, they fight against. And then they finish that fight, and kill it, but a) new player Seina decides to contract during the fight, and b) it turns out it can survive the death of its body and it’ll be back soon to cause more trouble.

2: Right after that fight, though, the cult victim, Makoto, falls unconscious because of some kind of magic thing, and so the team carries her body to the nearest safe place they can think of- the trans girl, Sakura, has an aunt and that aunt has an apartment. Unfortunately, someone very spooky shows up at the apartment, and the good incubator, Tama-chan, urges them to run the fuck away. They do so more or less successfully, but have to clue the aunt in on the subject of magic. Also, the evil incubator, Nishi-chan, shows up and... uh. Helps them escape, and heals Makoto, which is suspiciously non-evil of her.

3-5: Also suspiciously non-evil of Nishi-chan is her telling them that there’s a safehouse they can stay at, which they go to investigate. Problem there is that there’s a witch, who they have to fight. Ibara fails to get mind-controlled and they win, but then the very spooky girl shows up again and shoots a giant ghost shark at them. They escape into the safehouse, but the safehouse belongs to someone. After Sakura trashes the place for reasons, Nishi-chan convinces them that the witch they fought is the owner, and if they hand over the Grief Seed, she can revive her. They argue over this but then do it, and Reiko revives! Woo! Except she’s mad about Sakura trashing the place, which Sakura tries to solve with hugs. Doesn’t quite work, and after staying the night in a spare room, they get kicked out.

6: After that, Tama-chan shows up, and some exposition happens. Apparently, yeah, you can revive magical girls after they witch now! But unfortunately, you can still use the seeds, and that kills them for good and also forces you to take on the victim’s remaining personal problems. And that’s what the very spooky girl, Yoshe, does, along with their friends. Tama-chan warns them not to fight the cannibals, but they’re all like, hell no! Also, the justice delinquent, Ibara, drops some backstory. Then they go home.

7-8: Later, they go to school and oops there’s a witch there. They fight it, with the help of a new MG named Emiko and a rude incubator named Fumi-chan, and revive Orino from the seed. Afterwards, they get some friends up to speed, and then after school decide to try making some magic items. That’s interrupted, though, when they have to rescue a new magical girl (Anzu) from a crazy monster cannibal (Sokoko). After they do that, Tama-chan shows up and tells them how the cannibalism works, which is so distressing that, uh... uh-oh.

9-10: Makoto witches out, and they have to go to space and fight aliens and UFOs to save her. It’s rad. After, Tama-chan exposits more, and then there’s a beach episode. 

11-13: Then, they decide to go witch-hunting to get some old-fashioned non-resurrectable Grief Seeds to control their Trauma accumulation and prevent another Makoto from happening. Unfortunately, what they find is Emiko, who turns out to be a supercannibal in cahoots with Yoshe and... well, she calls herself Kimiko, but the tragic loner veteran (Yukari) recognizes her as Honoka, a big scary murderer from her backstory. They get in a fight, and Ibara witches, oops. The fight is super crazy, especially when there is a twist and they have to fight two witches actually. But they manage to survive, and take one of the cannibals hostage.

14-15: As a followup, they, uh... round up all their families and other loved ones and cram them into Reiko’s underground bunker so the cannibals can’t use them as leverage to psychologically fuck with them, which was the plan and the basis for like the whole campaign I had planned. Also, they interrogate their prisoner, Yoshe, and find out that if you witch enough times you become an Incubator. Yikes. Also, they play Candyland and it gets out of hand? And by out of hand, I mean Sakura witches and they have to fight her. There’s some fallout from that.

16-17: Then they go to the hospital for... some reason? I forget. Completely can’t remember why they were even there. They meet Kimiko-Honoka there, though, and they’re about to get in a fight when suddenly someone shows up. It’s a survivor (Cho) of the cult that abused Makoto, begging forgiveness but also still being a cultist and being super uncomfortable to be around. Makoto witches again, and Kimiko-Honoka helps because they took Yoshe hostage and having them die would be bad. Then they do some weird science to the corpses of Incubators, and then there is a heartwarming Christmas special.

18-20: Then they go to space. Nishi-chan tells them there’s important space shit up there, which turns out to be a secret orbital Incubator base. Nishi-chan, who’s not evil, reveals that she and Tama-chan are magical girls who hacked the Hell Engine (read: evil thing that powers magic with suffering) that they keep in this base, and she needs their help to try again and make magic suck less. They go inside and fight a demon as part of a ritual to fix magic, but it gets fucked up when Ibara witches and merges with the demon. They fight it, but in the chaos the Hell Engine sort of breaks and falls out of the sky and crashes into Tokyo Bay, which Sakura and Makoto have to use some crazy supermagic to keep from being apocalyptic.

21-24: They save some people from the space rock and prank Emiko, and- while Yukari is busy getting arrested for financial crimes, Sakura and Seina check out inside the Hell Engine and meet a real Incubator, which they have a tense conversation with resulting in Seina witching. They fight it, which results in the Incubator going insane and vanishing for reasons, and then deal with the emotional fallout. And go through a lot of trouble just to pay rent. And then there’s emotional fallout from that, too.

25-27: Then, for absolutely no reason, they magically engineer a giant rocket space pelican and go to the moon. They bring along Orino and the imprisoned Yoshe, which goes poorly when they forget Yoshe (not in magical form) needs to breathe. Also, Orino runs away to live on the moon. BUT THAT’S NOT EVEN THE CRAZY PART. The crazy part is that, uh, Yukari and Ibara corner the Devil herself, and kinda-sorta-befriend her and take on a quest from her. She lays down some exposition, and everyone kind of panics about this. Good news is, though, the Hell Engine is a source of infinite magic, which they can use to craft overpowered magic items. 

28-29: Then there’s a fun guest-star witch that they hunt. During that whole thing, they meet an elusive NPC who hates incubators, and manage to sorta befriend her (and her useful mind-reading powers.) Then, Yukari and Ibara go shopping and don’t get knifed, and Makoto tries to reconcile with Cho. Sakura goes and spies on the cannibals, who pose a threat to their fun new Devil plan, and Ibara befriends the landlord. 

29½-30: Also, their prisoner escapes, which is bad but not that bad because Makoto power-of-friendshipped her into taking a neutral stance. Yukari reacts poorly to this, and also takes advantage of their mind-reading friend’s powers to uncover a shocking twist to her own backstory, which she also reacts poorly to. Other people also react poorly to the news. In response, Makoto tries to run damage control, and everyone more or less manages to calm down.

31-33: Calm down enough to GO TO THE FUCKING MOON FOR NO REASON AGAIN!!! Or- not no reason, they notice Orino’s up there doing some crazy terraforming and are concerned. And maybe it’s for the best, because Kimiko and Emiko also noticed that stuff, and also went there, which leads to a Big Fight. During said big fight, oops, Sakura witches. Which was sort of the plan, to trap the cannibals in Sakura’s barrier and take them down that way, but this was a lot more impromptu than planned. Both Sakura’s witch and the party gang up on the cannibals, and they get the upper hand right up until a mysterious person shows up to break up the fight. Things go south, and Kimiko witches, after which the team finishes off Sakura’s witch and revives her to help deal with the new witch.

34-37: They work on the barrier here, which belongs to Honoka’s witch, not Kimiko’s- this being a symbolic purification of Honoka, who was a very bad influence, from Kimiko, who wasn’t a saint to begin with. Then they finish the fight and rather cathartically destroy Honoka, but oops, Emiko isn’t letting them have the seed. Some negotiations take place, and they head back to Earth. Sakura makes plans for the future, and Makoto goes to negotiate further with the cannibals, getting them to agree to attend a peace conference now that Kimiko’s no longer kinda-possessed by a homicidal maniac.

38-41: The peace conference is held, and it’s pretty successful! The Devil intimidates them with eldritch horror magic, and that plus good arguments and emotionally-savvy conflict resolution gets them to agree to the Devil’s plan to instantiate Madoka in exchange for ending grief magic. Afterwards, they release their families from the bunker, and Makoto ties up a loose end in the form of Anzu’s abusive dad. Also, the whole team gets together to tie up another loose end in the form of Sokoko still being all fucked up on souls. After they fix that, they meet at Sakura’s aunt’s apartment to discuss strategy.

42: Then they save the world and it’s the end.

[thedemonlordvampiros]

D&D Characters I’ve Had

So, just realized that I have some fun D&D characters and feel like sharing them on my tumblr that cost Verizon about $2.50

-Doom Damakos: Doom is probably one of my favorite characters. He was a half-tiefling/half-goliath totem-warrior barbarian, with Critical Role’s Titanstone Knuckles because my DM was a huge fan of the Vox Machina campaign. So, with a strength score of 24, he would have been an absolute monster in combat, but I felt like having fun and making it easier/harder for my DM by never wielding an actual weapon, unless it was to use it the wrong way. So anytime we entered combat, Doom, an almost 8′ demon that looked like he was made of stone, would walk over to the nearest enemy, pick them up, and throw them at another enemy. I made essentially made him the embodiment of “I’ll beat this motherfucker with another motherfucker”, and boy was it fun. 2 of my favorite uses of this are 1) we ran into a fight with a pack of wolves, Doom grabs one by the snout and just tosses it into the stratosphere, making it take 10d6 fall damage and turning into paste, and 2) in a fight against a wizard who had 4 large spiders under his control, Doom punched one of the pillars in the room that wasn't holding the ceiling up, picked it up, and squashed a spider with it, finishing the encounter.

-Mayhem: By far the most fun I’ve had with a spellcaster, Mayhem will definately be reused when I can find more games to play. Mayhem was mostly homebrew stuff, but the class was one my DM for the campaign picked out and said was okay. She was a FMA style Hommunculus Hexer with the elemtal contract. Hexer is like the standard fantasy witch, you sold your soul or whatever for magical powers and a familiar to do your bidding. For Mayhem, that familiar was a fire snake that I named Udon(like the noodle). What made her so much fun to play was an ability called hexes. Among the hexes that could be cast was one called the ‘Sustaining Hex’ which basically let you cast a concentration spell and not need to focus on it. First time I used this was on a leader of a group of cultists in Hoard of the Dragon Queen. First, Mayhem cast Hold Person on the leader, then I used her bonus action to activate the sustaining hex and keep the boss stuck in place. When my next turn came around, I used Fireball centered on the boss and dealt a lot of damage to her.

-The House Always Wins: First time I ever played a tabaxi and it was a mostly RP campaign with little to no combat, but since I was still kinda new it was okay and fun. The House Always Wins, or House as anyone ever refered to him as, was a Tabaxi Card Dealer with a little it of fiendish heritage giving him the Devil’s Tongue trait tieflings can having instead of the movement burst tabaxi normally get. In combat, House was meant to be the archer, only using a deck of playing cards instead of a bow or crossbow. But combat was rare so we can skip that. In personality, House is supposed to be very persuasive and be able to get anyone to like him. He means well to a degree, but is not afraid to sneak in a bit of vicious mockery to get a threat across. I wish I could have played him more, but it was a club campaign that started before winter break, so I’m just gonna keep him on hand to play at a later date.

-Temperance: Technically I have never gotten to play Temperance since the campaign I was supposed to join her with(at level 15 nonetheless) ended before I got to join.(The DM wasn’t very good according to my brother who was in the campaign before me, so I guess it’s not that bad) Temperance is probably the one character I’ve had the most story for and the one I wanna play the most. Temperance was supposed to be a Lawful Evil Lamia(more MonMusu less D&D, snake from the waist down, lady from the waist up) Plague Doctor with a subclass that was more on the cauterize-with-a-hot-iron-rod, that-leg-looks-infected-better-amputate feel than the make people better kind. The whole aesthetic of Temperance was supposed to be that of a Mob Boss, but with her ties in various alchemy, apothecary, and medical facilities instead of political and governmental places. So instead of paying off the local guard to glance over some of the wrong doings of her ‘gang’, Temperance would pay off the various doctors/healers so they would sell her specific brand of potions instead of the common ones. Her ‘goons’ as they where would have been clerics, druids, bards, and anyone with an affinity for alchemy that wanted to make some gold and not have to pay the same price as everyone else. The ultimate goal that I wanted Temperance to achieve was to make and/or modify some disease that existed in the world so that her group sold the only cure and could make a lucrative profit out of it. It wasn’t gonna be a wide-spread epidemic, just a village or two, maybe a small township, only enough so that it would be talked about and feared to drive people to buy Temperance’s cure.

Sorry for the long post. I just felt like saying something about my characters somewhere and this is the one social media(if you can call it that) that I use. If, for some reason, people use any of these concepts, I would like to now, but understand if you don't wanna talk to me about anything.