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picnokinesis · 5 months ago

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if you would be interested in sharing your thoughts about the star beast, i would love to hear them!!

Ooh okay, so - well, first, just to start off: I think The Star Beast is a really important episode, and was very much a needed episode. The current climate in the UK regarding the trans community and their rights is getting extremely rancid, to put it lightly. Having an episode of Doctor Who with an explicitly trans character, having the other characters around her be affirming and supportive - that was awesome. Extremely awesome. And I'm really glad that RTD is loudly putting himself on this side of the whole 'debate' (which isn't really a debate, because it's just straight up bigotry from the anti-trans side, and we need people like RTD outwardly speaking out against that bigotry).

When I talk to cis people offline about this episode, that is pretty much what I say and also where I stop.

I'll put the rest under the cut hahah - there's a bit of negativity here, just as a warning for all the hardcore RTD stans, but I think it's well-founded and not vitriolic at all, just like, miffed hahaha. Also, I know there were a few trans folks who found this episode really affirming, so just to be clear: this is just my opinion, personal thoughts, and also influenced by the conversations I had with other trans people that I know and care about about the episode.

When I talk to trans people - offline or online - about this episode, I go in a lot deeper, because whilst it was a very important episode, it was somewhat flawed. It also came off the back of several things RTD had said and done that really ticked me off, and so I wasn't really in the interest of being entirely uncritical about what, to me and a lot of trans dw fans that I spoke to, thought was a very "cis" trans story. And when I watched it, I thought 'oh geez, is this how poc feel when white people try and write poc stories with good intentions but don't really get it right??" because like. Ho boy.

The thing about this episode was that RTD wanted to write an affirming trans story, and mostly did that, but also, imo...doesn't actually understand what gender and transness actually is. I think my main gripes were definitely with the climax scene - the whole 'we can let go bc we're women' thing literally made me go 'what' out loud at the screen because...well, it's just gender essentialism. Trans inclusive, sure! But trans inclusive gender essentialism is still gender essentialism. Women aren't better than men. There's actually an exceptionally good essay written by a trans woman who was still in the closet about her experiences in queer spaces that had a very prevalent anti-men attitude, and I've seen it myself irl too. It's not helpful - it's harmful, in fact - and it leans on this strange mysticism about women that is fundamentally anti-feminist, in my opinion. Women aren't "innately better at emotional and intangible, instinctive things" (and it's unspoken counterpart - "thus men are better at logical, rational things" - is also untrue). Women aren't magically better at 'letting things go' than men are - I reckon you could make an argument about men being socialised to not be emotional, and that would be an interesting conversation to have, but that was not what was being said - especially with the Doctor being raised in a society that didn't even perceive gender in the same was as humanity.

Also, the thing that REALLY got me was 'if you were a woman, you'd get it' - first of all, no. Thirteen never let anything go in her life and repressed to the max, if anything she was WORSE than tenteen at that lmao. Second - and this is the more salient point - I think it's a strange thing to suggest that tenteen is fully a man, at this point? Like, regardless of what he looks like, regardless of how he identifies or how thirteen identified, he just lived a lifetime in a body that looked like a woman, and thus was treated as such by the rest of the universe. He wasn't going to forget all of that. I actually really liked how the Chibnall era approached thirteen's gender - or, rather, her complete ambivalence to it, where it seemed like gender was more of an annoying thing that kept happening to the doctor that she kept having to remember, rather than something she felt - however I really REALLY wish they'd actually dug explicitly into the transness of it all, and so when they didn't, I'd hoped that RTD would do that instead. Especially since we KNEW Yasmin Finney was in it and we knew we were going to get a trans character!! I was like, this is the PERFECT opportunity to get the Doctor to actually talk about their gender and how it, fundamentally, doesn't really change between bodies, just how people REACT to it changes. But instead, the episode seems to present the doctor as having flicked a binary switch - once woman, now man - and thus made sure to remind us that every time thirteen was mentioned, it was framed around the fact that she was The Woman Regeneration, but also that tenteen was Now a Man Again. And even if that WAS THE CASE, it still wouldn't mean that tenteen came out of that experience completely mindwiped of everything about 'womanhood', right?? Like he lived as a woman! He was a woman 45 minutes ago, but now you're telling him that he couldn't possibly understand anything about this because he's a man now? Like first of all, his physical body's characteristics have nowt to do with his ability to let things go, second, it's just....okay, it reminds me of the dichotomy between all these detransition horror stories the anti-trans folks like to spew out, versus when you talk to actual detransitioners, who are quite often gnc and extremely positive about the trans community, and whose experience within that community and transitioning impacted how they view the world.

And I think it fundamentally comes down to RTD not really understanding either womanhood or transness. He actively speaks out on both of these things, which is great, but I don't think he understands them fully. I think the fact that he didn't think that David Tennant could wear a t-shirt, braces, trousers and coat because they were "women's clothes", and that when he cast David Tennant that was one of the first things he immediately decided is kind of telling.

There's also the whole 'male-presenting timelord' thing, which, again, I just don't think RTD really understood what that meant, like I'm not sure what his point was there, genuinely. Like, on a technical level it's acknowledging that the Doctor isn't necessarily male, just looks like a man (correct) buuuuuuuuuut the full line was saying 'you'd never understand this because you're a man' SO LIKE...okay? So he's not actually a man, but actually because of his male-adjacency, he's incapable of coming to the same conclusion that a woman did? So he's still...defined by his maleness? Hm. Strange sentence to write coming out of a trans woman's mouth.

What would have been better? I wish they'd just had Donna and Rose say 'because we're human', or maybe 'because we're the Nobles'. I also know a lot of people really didn't like the misgendering scene with the kids on the bikes - I think my personal feelings on that are a little more complicated, as a trans person who is not out irl and functionally uses my birthname almost everywhere, but also isn't triggered by it. It's not a deadname, more like a paperwork name rather than my preferred name, right? But I know for a lot of trans people, deadnaming is like psychological warfare and it's really awful, especially when done with malicious intent (like shown in the scene with the boys on the bikes). However...I do understand why RTD included this scene, and actually kind of agree with him. Because the boys on the bikes are the sort of people who are also watching the show. And so then seeing that kind of thing being condemned by the narrative by a key, beloved character, is probably something that's actually helpful. On the other hand though...in the Doctor Who Unleashed (or whatever the behind the scenes thing is called now), you've got this interview with Yasmin Finney saying that it was actually a pretty triggering scene to film for her and genuinely affected her, and I'm like....okaaaaaay then I REALLY hope they had someone she could talk to on set. Like, fundamentally, I think telling these stories are important, but, yknow, not at the expense of the actual actress' mental wellbeing, right? So that concerned me a bit.

I also think that the scene between Sylvia and Donna in the kitchen talking about Rose was brilliant. And this is because it was about cis people trying to understand and support trans people whilst not completely getting it and making mistakes, but also trying their best!! Which RTD does understand, very well!! And it felt so real. It was fantastic. There's also the part with the whole 'did you assume the meep's pronouns' whiiiiiiiich I have mixed feelings about? I think here, RTD was trying to poke fun at the people who do say that sort of thing to make fun of trans people, and having the Doctor be like 'actually this is a good point we should be checking this sort of thing'......however. I don't think I've ever heard 'did you assume my pronouns' come out of a trans person's mouth. It's always been a cis person mocking our community. So it felt a bit...incongruent. And all that needed to be changed was having Rose say 'how do you know the meep is a he?' - like that was all it needed!!! Also, it was a shame that after the delightful moment of the doctor being like 'SAME HAT' regarding the meep's pronouns, that.....we then had NO OTHER DISCUSSION about the doctor's gender!! Like, Russel, dude, you're really gonna have Rose hear the 'male-presenting' guy say 'oh yeah I do that with pronouns too!! :D' - have her NOT REACT TO THAT AT ALL - and then you're gonna have her say by the end 'oh you don't understand bc you're a man :)' after her non-binary power move moment? Sighs. Yeah.

I think another important thing to remember here is that there were no trans folks in the writer's room on this. Now, this is a tricky one because I think people who aren't part of a certain community should be writing stories outside their own knowledge and experience, and should be encouraged to do so!! I don't think that you need to have everything rubberstamped, and even something written by someone in a certain community isn't going to resonate with everyone in that community. Actually, I think it's unhelpful to start getting into the politics of 'who is allowed to write what' - I think anything written with care and good intention is valuable, especially if the writer is willing to listen to constructive criticism and learn from any mistakes that are made. But I think, as a writer myself, if you are going to write a story about that community, it might be worth 1) talking to them a bit more than I think RTD did - but, to be fair, I don't actually know how much research he did, but, well, see above on the fact I don't think he really got what he was writing about - but also 2) not dismissing writers from that community (and others!), which RTD did in an interview not thaaaaaaat long before the episode aired. Again, to be fair to him, he has since then been like 'oh, we need to mentor and encourage the new generation of trans writers and writers of colour', which, great! But also, sir, then why were you saying that all the scripts you got from minority writers were all awful, angry, and lacked any love for tv like skksks SIR. SIR. The thing that gets me about that comment in particular is that, as someone currently starting out in script writing, I know exactly how hard it is to get at all noticed. It takes a lot of effort, a lot of passion, a lot of hard work and a lot of skill - and a lot of luck too, granted, but not luck along. So, RTD, if these writers got their scripts to your literal desk, as showrunner of Doctor Who...I think they have some love and passion. They HAVE to, to get to the point where he is reading those scripts. Also maybe RTD should unpack the fact that he thought the scripts were bad because they were too angry - I mean, I haven't read them, so I don't know, but maybe, sir, feeling uncomfortable about the anger in a script isn't a bad thing. Not every story is meant to be an easy pill to swallow. There are aromantic stories I want to write about romance as horror, romance as a virus, romance as a destructive force, that I think a lot of alloromantic people will find uncomfortable. Does that mean they're bad? Maybe, lol. Mostly they're bad because they're not written yet lmao, but I don't think the anger and discomfort in them makes them inherently weak. In fact, I think often anger can make a story stronger.

So then, I think The Star Beast left a sour taste in the back of my mouth, despite all the positive aspects of it, because of that. I think that comment also kinda left me frustrated about Dot and Bubble, even though I think that was a fantastic episode and genuinely really well done, and very effective - and I'm genuinely loathe to criticise it at all because I think it was so important - but. Having RTD talking in an interview about wondering how long the audience will take to notice that the cast is all white (and, thus, the depicted society is racist) whilst sitting in a writers room that's all white iiiiiiiiiiis uh. I don't think he thought about that SKKS. I think a lot about Sacha Dhawan talking about how you can be as inclusive on screen as you like, but if it's all 'white behind the lights' then how much does that inclusivity actually mean?

RTD definitely had good intentions and wrote a mostly good story. But he definitely fell down in some regards, aaaaaand well. I don't know. My personal opinion is that he's kind of arrogant and thinks he's infallible as a writer (and I may feel this way bc of the way parts of the fandom seem to put him on a pedestal, if I'm honest) - but I think that he's just human. He doesn't get things perfectly right all the time, and that's absolutely fine, but I think it's interesting and important to discuss those pitfalls, and I just wish he'd stop making it feel like he thinks he can write trans stories better than, yknow, actual trans people, and then write the most cis trans story I've ever seen SKSKSKSK

(AND ACTUALLY - sorry, this is getting long, but it's kind of indicative of the whole industry at the moment? The industry is calling for more diverse voices, more diverse stories - but they also want stories that can appeal to the widest possible audience, the common denominator, and thus "trans stories by trans people for trans people" doesn't actually tick that box. This didn't hit me until I wrote a trans horror script that got shortlisted for a script call, but when I spoke to the (cis) producer and director (who were LOVELY, the producer had a gorgeous dog called Biscuit HAHA) I very quickly realised that they did not get it. They didn't understand. "Why do we have to kill the mirror demon that's the girl part of this trans man?" they asked. "She should get to live too!" But: "She was never a part of him," I had to say. "She was the idea of him that everyone around him thought he was, and thought it so strongly that she became real. It was her or him." They didn't really understand, but on the plus side it did highlight to me what was unclear in my script that none of my (trans) proof readers had picked up on (although my transfemme friend made the HILARIOUS comment that maybe the mirror demon could go and find a nice trans girl to possess? WHICH SKSKSKSKKSKSK I MEAN -))

Anyway. -gestures nebulously- I feel like my thoughts were a lot more concise and well constructed in the week after this episode actually aired hahaha, but I didn't want to throw my hat into the ring back then. I did find it amused how the majority of my cis trans-affirming friends were like 'GREAT EPISODE, RIGHT?!!' and the majority of my trans friends were sending me the grimace emoji in the week after the episode aired LMAO

#taka replies #anon #ohhhhhh i should not tag this for the main tag but i'm gonna do it anyway because I want it filed correctly on my blog RIP #doctor who #i've not proofread this so apologies for any mistakes #gender #lgbt+#trans

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thenixkat · 2 months ago

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another not-godzilla

pls feed Kafka he's too skinny now

he's not even broad anymore, someone pls feed Kafka. Like he had to regenerate a lot in the past few weeks he needs some more rations pls his waist is so narrow i hate it

oh that's a scar on asshole dad's forehead not just him frowning constantly

that's rude as hell. I do not care for teh gamer boy

yeah Kafka's not really ok with everyone talking about killing him for parts or using him as a living weapon… this is why ya shoulda been better at hiding yer secret identity sir. You could have transformed when no one was looking

rude ass hell

also ignoring why Kafka went berserk (ya know repeatedly getting his limbs ripped off by someone he was under the impression was trying to kill him) Kafka pls dont thank the person who just threatened to turn you into a suit

oh hey a hive of kaiju ants

i dont like this guy. he's rude. asked a subordinate for a loan to buy more junk and toys, is an influencer

huh ant kaiju are rare to see on the surface but folks run into them underground

Kafka wants to be recognized for his ability as an officer and not a kaiju weapon so he's trying to fight without fully transforming but like sir, try that after you've convinced folks yer more useful alive than as spare parts also yeah had a traumatizing time the last time he fully transformed isnt rocking with it at the moment

not the transformation failing. Kafka's kaiju side said 'nah, you didnt want my help last time'

not the cordyceps

also the ant kaiju spray acid like real ants

ah the fungus has a brain

right i have bee seeing brains in split kaiju wild that their brains are not important organs

how does using the Numbers weapons shave years off yer life? what are the ghosts of the kaiju that got made into them taking revenge

ah yeah 100% Kafka is scared of losing control that's why his transformations keep failing gets a pep talk from rich girl that's more or less 'we're too fucking badass for you to kill us if you lost it, so dont worry about it'

what happened to my guy's claws? also he finally figured out how to smile with that face

ah Kafka learned some tricks from the bug's joyride

Kaiju do have telepathy!

no. 9 tells other no. 9 to pls hold its learning about a new strong enemy right now

the influencer has kaiju eyes b/c biomodding soldiers is fine, kaiju-human hybrids from the wild arent tho

so its not future sight just literal mind reading

damn that's the first 'well done' rich girl got from her shitty dad since her mom died

apparently the ant swarm and two no. 9s were a diversion. B/c no. 9 the third planned to have teh shitty dad for dinner hahah

also how did that mother fucker sneak into yer base? damn yall are not ready for intelligent kaiju damn that man was nice to his daughter for teh first time in a decade and then got ate mind you his daughter is like 18 at best ah i assume no. 9 probably ate like a janitor and got in that way

also no. 9 has certainly been eating its Wheaties

huh so its just stressful to use

shitty dad acknowledges that he's been a bad father

rip to shitty dad, he tried to his best but uh he can't regenerate

shitty dad became dinner

no. 9 really was only here for dinner and decided to dip

Kaiju no. 9 what does a kaiju era mean? are you planning on getting rid of the ability of humans to fight back against the kaiju so they can do what they want? like its not like there's many sapient kaiju running around most of the fuckers seem to just be wild animals doing wild animal shit

ah the thing where Kafka started not being able to turn completely back human

human looking at least

have yall tried feeding him cause look at that you can almost see the poor man's abs

these are not good working conditions. Also just bc he stops being able to look like a human doesnt mean he'd stop thinking like a human necessarily

no. 10 regained consciousness in captivity. It's core is too damaged for it to regenerate. It had a blast fighting the vice captain and tells him if it's gonna become a weapon for anyone it wants him to use it

being… you are a head, a small piece of spinal cord, and like 2/3rds of a core the fuck are you gonna fight with??

ah it means it wants to be made into a weapon and that teh vice captain use it to fight. Bc it really really had fun fighting him and wants more like that good news the vice captain made a new friend and it has agreed to be interrogated bad news it still would like to eat him and the possibility of it trying to take over his body if he wears it is not zero

oh hey we've got the reveal that no. 9 is no. 10's parent

to be fair yall havent run into many sapient kaiju that are willing to use their shapeshifting to the fullest extent. and no. 9 is just creating more kids

how tho? How the fuck does heat and pressure at fault lines deep underground make substances that mutate nearby animals and plants (how did the animals and plants get that fucking far into the fucking Earth in the first place) into aliens. B/c you cannot convince me that kaiju arent aliens with their fucking biology that we've been shown

what do you mean in order for a human to use one of the Numbers weapons their cells have to be compatible with the kaiju that the weapon was made from? What kind of superior genetics eugenics shit is this? How are human cells compatible with kaiju cells anyway and why are yall not concerned that human cells can be compatible with kaiju cells

like zoonotic diseases? also should yall not be concerned that some humans are genetically compatible with kaiju cells or is that ok b/c you pick teh super soldier

another not-godzilla but this one has tentacles. There's a lot of not-godzillas in this, yall cant do a not-Mothra or a not-Ghidora for once?

idk about anything else but I think if a human's cells are compatible with kaiju material (i dont get how it works and it seems weird and iffy) but that should mean they can get turned into a were-kaiju the series continuously points out that Ichikawa is a teenager and yet the fandom is so fucking horny for that child it is genuinely disgusting

hmm and we're gonna saddle this teenager with an increased risk of dying young in this already dangerous job b/c apparently lacking in supersoldier badasses who can solo high tier boss monsters

oh hey a somewhat responsible adult tells Ichikawa to turn down the supersoldier offer

also fucking noodle ass human beings unfortunately, Ichikawa is an extremely loyal friend and takes up the offer

there's a neuro link into the weapons ok so the shit is giving people brain damage when they overclock

#nix meows #nix reads comics #kaiju no. 8 #long post

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allersinwonderland · 6 months ago

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The sexy older brother of Ryoma? We love to see it.

I wonder if we’ll ever learn more about his (Ryoga's) mother. My understanding of Ryoga is quite minimal given i had never watched the OVA he was introduced in / dropped shinteni a decade ago and only returning now. IIRC-- his mother passed away, but minimal background was provided.

Tangent 1

One thing I have yet to understand— how does one gain the ability to join and become a country’s u17 rep?

Tezuka was eventually able to get on Germany’s team as he did training there. Does he need citizenship/ how did that go through?

Ryoga— when he was introduced the Japan team said they picked him up overseas AND he had Japanese citizenship so he could be on Japan’s team. But then how was he also able to be on USA AND SPAIN? Ryoma was born in US -> us citizen, that plot hole checked out.

Is ryoga’s mom Spanish??? But nanjiroh lost his custody …any international custody implications?? Is there only a clause where it is like "if you undergo "x" amount of training (re: Tezuka cause I'm pretty sure he doesn't have citizenship? But he has sponsporship interests?) to qualify? (Also what is Tube?? This is what happens when you read spoilers and aren’t there 🤣🤣🤣)

End Tangent 1

Thoughts on RYOGA:

He likes oranges, napping, and loves break-dancing. (Also is talented jet-skiing. i don’t have much to comment on there, other than him being good at tennis & break-dancing makes him likely a well-rounded athletic individual that can pick up athletics).

What’s REALLY interesting is that he’s strong in linguistics, but then semi-appears to contradict this thought/concept with his favorite quote: “You don’t need words for tennis” (similar to dancing, honestly). AND it (his profile) says he’s bad at English. So... getting around the world WITHOUT English. Duly noted, Ryoga.

SIR HOW CAN YOU BE GOOD AT LINGUISTICS and then bad/ avoid speaking English. Granted, if you studied Japanese / Eastern languages first, English is complicated….but also….strong (?) in linguistics???

Semi/ headcannon mode time?

Maybe the linguistics isn’t meant to be fully taken for languages (cause….not liking/ being bad at the modern day lingua franca and being strong at linguistics is VERY oxymoronic) but as a structure of syntax/ structure/relationships of [words]/ contexts/ sounds.

Back to the idea where TENNIS doesn’t need speaking to communicate…his favorite quote, who also happens to be from his retired pro-tennis father, now monk. Nanjirou..does he ever really speak English in the manga/anime/ is this canon? He must've, but is he really strong at English? Unknown. Let's say he's average at best and not super strong; his tennis would've done all the talking anyway. I see this quote to Ryoga as some sort of father-son bonding and teaching moment where Nanjirou used tennis to bond with his sons, and Ryoga saw it helped to connect/ integrate him into the family and his brotherhood with Ryoma. Perhaps Ryoga’s mind understands how structure works in a variety of cases.

His preferred type is someone who can see ideas and concepts from another perspective; he likes doing the unexpected and being surprising. He likes carnivals (honestly I find them kind of quirky/ whimsical), but dislikes timetables, dislikes (and is bad at) English as well as LECTURES (overarching). He likes to sleep and his schedule mainly is observing/ sleeping.

At the camps…it’s structured to train and be better at tennis. He’s good at tennis, but I’d argue he doesn’t LOVE tennis, not in the way Nanjirou and Ryoma love it. It’s his means and methods to speak and communicate to his family (and teammates), and clearly he’s good at it... but at the end of the day...it’s just an end to the means.

As a dancer (? Can i even fully say this hahah bad at basics and technique but lover of movement— Chinese ethnic and folk dancer/ former high school competitive show choir performer? Lololol and dabbled in learning various styles) Break-dancing is one of the dance styles that I’ve found to be the least restricted by rules/ moves. Lots of improv, rarely/ if ever choreographed, and very spur of the moment, on your feet. He CLEARLY knows that lots of dance is “linguistic” in a sense that there is rules/ patterns/ styles. Break-dancing is the most unexpected.

Back to Ryoga--He dislikes lectures…being told what he needs to do. He’s good at finding the rules and structure…so what I see here is he wants to create. He seems to really love Ryoma as his older bro, and the flashbacks to how they were as kids made it seem like he really loved his time with Nanjirou even if certain years were missed out initially. Who knows how his life was with his aunt post-custody changing...but that kind of impact/ background can really mess wiht one's mental health & psyche and identity of one's self. Dance is a universal language, relying on sounds and rhythms to be visually artistic and an expression. I think Ryoga toys with the concepts of expression and disruption/destruction. Heck, even his tennis move specialty is destruction? (The destroy agenda L O L) Just because he’s good at linguistics doesn’t mean he wants to follow it or structure overall. At all.

Despite many years on and off in tenipuri fandom…i know batshit about tennis. But, it is still a stricter game of competition, and doesn’t really allow for full self-expression. It’s minimum two players at the court where the largest stretch of linguistic tie in is a conversation between competitors.

Break-dancing and napping (re:dreaming) gives him an escape of reality and providers a voice where he can be himself without a strong overbearing structure in place. He understands the rules in place, but doesn’t want to be “lectured” or forced into the box. He aims to be unexpected and wants to be creative. He wants to challenge expectations and rules and do the unexpected.

This kid is just trying to break rules left and right. Tennis has more rules than he’d like, but he’d deal and use it for the people he cares about. I’d bet if Ryoma/ maybe even Nanjirou showed any inkling of break-dancing interest perhaps he’d drop tennis.

Martha Graham, famous America modern dancer and choreographer had a quote (that I had learned through Black Swan from BTS): “a dancer dies twice — once when they stop dancing, and this first death is the more painful.”

I think Ryoga’s true calling, given when I know from his profile/ brief snippets is more as a breakdancer. Tennis is just what’s there now.

Suppose Ryoga DID incorporate break-dancing into his tennis as TeniRabi said --he's using tennis as a new means for his most comfortable form of personal expression. I'm interesting to see if they have more events where he does dancing with Jackal (who did hiphop) and Kamio (who did tap) while Koharu had idol-dancing. He's clearly interested and exciting by various dance styles, so I wonder if they'll either discuss on how his break-dancing changes or if he tries to incorporate this into other parts of his tennis.

Man, my interest in Ryoga was already pretty high (I mean, LOOK AT HIM), but this dance x linguistics headcannon shot him wayyy high up.

(@tcafs08 this LITERALLY is like a mix on Sayaka's character and Izumi. Moreso Izumi I guess, but I see bits of Sayaka in him. You freaking genius, but your OCs were created decades early. )

end headcannon/ramblings. kind of

citations: https://spicykaraage.tumblr.com/post/750511539067453440/ryoga-echizen-tenigo-episodes-story-translation (See references to actual tenirabi cannon EXCITED RYOGA. His interest is off the walls, reminds me of me when I talk to other people sometimes on my (albeit not super technical/well developed opinions on certain dance/ vocal pedagogy/ anything I fangirl on. I see you, Ryoga hahahha)

Just some long-thoughts given the tenirabi players say they REALLY drive home the interest in dance. There’s SO MUCH you can do with that interest, i don’t blame them. Jiroh already took the napping interest.

@spicykaraage thank you for translating :). I’ve enjoyed your longer posts here as well the shorter inklings on Twitter. I’m going to keep my eye on Ryoga hahahahah

(edit: typos/ slight clarification and format/restructuring as the original was typed in mobile)

Tenipuri Complete Profile - Ryoga Echizen

[PROFILE]

Birthday: December 23rd (Capricorn)

Blood Type: O

Relatives: Father (Nanjirou Echizen), Mother

Father’s Occupation: Temple Priest (local)

High School: Unknown

Grade: Unknown

Committee: None

Strong Subjects: Linguistics

Weak Subjects: Lectures

U-17 Training Camp Position & Rank: First String | No.4 (resigned)

World Cup Team: U-17 World Cup USA Representatives ➜ U-17 World Cup Spanish Representatives

Favorite Motto: “You don’t need words for tennis.” (a quote he got from Nanjirou)

Hobbies: Napping, looking for delicious oranges

Favorite Color: Orange

Favorite Book: A collection of astrophotography

Favorite Food: Oranges, chicken sautéed with orange ➜ Prosciutto and orange pintxos [TP]

Favorite Anniversary: The day before and after Christmas

Preferred Type: A person who can look at things from another person’s perspective

Ideal Date Spot: Being in the cool shade under a tree

His Gift for a Special Person: “I’ll go beyond your expectations.”

Where He Wants to Travel: “I’ve been all over the world… A carnival, maybe?”

Thing He Wants Most Right Now: A new racquet ➜ An aerial yoga hammock [23.5] ➜ “Take a wild guess.” [TP]

Dislikes: Rain, bean paste [TP], timetables [TP]

Skills Outside of Tennis: Breakdancing, getting around in the world [TP]

Routine During the World Cup: Teasing Ryoma

[DATA]

Height: 180cm

Weight: 67kg

Dominant Arm: Right

Vision: 1.4 Left & Right

Play Style: All-Rounder

Signature Moves: Destruction

Favorite Brands:

Racquet: WILSON TourBLX95

Shoes: YONEX POWER CUSHION25 MEN

Overall Rating: N/A

Kurobe Memo: “A lot of things are unknown about this player who Byoudouin brought back with him from overseas. Since he has Byoudouin’s approval, there's no doubt he has considerable potential.”

[POSSESIONS]

What’s in His Locker at the U-17 Training Camp:

An orange and a note that says “You’ve got a ways to go.”

What’s in His Travel Bag:

A comb that Duke used // He borrowed it when he was at the training camp

[TRIVIA]

The Prince of Tennis II 10.5 Fanbook

Even though he’s been abroad, he is not good at English and avoids speaking it if he can. Even when he was in the US, he tried speaking Japanese as much as possible

He likes Fanta/Ponta like Ryoma, but orange-flavored

He carries oranges with him at all times

He is secretly good at jet-skiing

The Prince of Tennis II 23.5 Fanbook

He borrows clothes from his father, Nanjirou. Ryoma has stated he strongly resembles him

Unlike Ryoma, Ryoga is fine with doubles

The Prince of Tennis 20th Anniversary Book: Tenipuri Party

He thinks of Nanjirou as someone he admires and a wall he wants to surpass

One of His Off Days at the Training Camp:

10:00am - Wakes up, showers

11:00am - Has a light rally session with Ryoma

12:30pm - Lunch at the cafe (a hot dog and orange juice)

1:30pm - Takes a nap in a hammock

3:00pm - Takes a walk around the camp, teases Tokugawa and Ryoma

4:00pm - Watches the middle schoolers practice from the rooftop

5:30pm - Calls a certain somebody

6:00pm - Dinner, Duke and Kawamura’s temaki sushi party

7:00pm - Watches Byoudouin copy sutras

7:30pm - ???

11:00pm - Starts heading back, chats with the coaches at the bar

1:30am - Secretly takes a picture of Ryoma’s face while he’s asleep, then goes to bed

#tenipuri #prince of tennis #new prince of tennis #ryoga #ryoga echizen #echizen ryoga #shin tennis no ouji sama #shin prince of tennis #shin tennis no oujisama #tenirabi #headcannons

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thevampirearchive · 2 years ago

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Commentary on Interview With The Vampire - Episode 1 (Spoilers)

Shorter thoughts vers

Barely fully in and it already looks beautiful. Was the budget in the billions because this shit is so crisp, fuck!

Hannah Baker was out-fucking performed. TAPES RO HARRASS A DYING MAN WHO DIDNT USE YOUR VAMPIRE SECRET? Lestat would be so proud!

I am so happy this is the direction they chose — brining us to modern time, the only time I wanna hear about the pandemic in entertainment media. And all while humanity does, Louis is stuck in his high tower with some high tech ass Dubai apartment? Purr.

Nvm, Mans seem sick of it lmao. Stuck there in his own personal house-coffin (I’d still prefer a coffin, and I feel like Lestat would have never chosen a place penthouse. He’s too French for modern builds. “Louis? NO QUALITY WOODEN COFFIN?” He’d say, in a French accent, in disgust.

I am a whore for period piece and they’re taking us to 1910 AND New Orleans? Spoiled. We’ve been spoiled.

Gosh the vulgar language, I am shaking from excitement! Pls!

I know a lot of black folks hate it when they have the white say the n-word, but that ‘unhand me nigger’ comment killed me, that white man forgot where he was for a second

I too agree, anal without consent is against god (I screamed, the whores are funny)

Not Paul tryna play captain save a Ho, man’s brough a Bible Too — I love him.

THE BRAWL! And this whole time Lestat is watching like it’s forplay for later.

HE PULLED A SWORD ON HIS OWN BROTHER? That’s cold Lou, but I respect it, gotta do what you gotta do.

Lestat watching, BRICKED UP, and I cannot believe nobody’s falling in love like this ANYMORE. WE USED RO BE A SOCIETY! (How I imagine Lestat internally, as he watch his man pull a whole sword out of his Pimp 3000 Cain)

Pls not the disgusted faces on the white men watching Louis walk in!!! Fighting for their lives to not say sum — TRY IT :^b

The lines should have been “damn so they just letting anybody in” so I could have really lost it. His racism wasn’t racist enough — I predicted they’d make him a proper French (racist) but they didn’t drive it all the way, and I get why. Can’t have the protagonist calling the other protagonist a nigger after all (well I haven’t seen Ep. 2 so perhaps) but it would be accurate. I just don’t believe white ppl weren’t racist, even the DOCTOR was sliming it around and that’s the homie, y’a know?

Awww Lestat is like a tarot girlie after watching one Tiktok reading and suddenly she sees 11.11 everywhere. “Ah Louis?! I was heading to St. Louis? Hahah so you’re my saint haha”, Lestat pls you look desperate pls breath baby breath (same tho)

His French is so good! Ça m’a pris par surprise! Qu’est-ce qu’il est français ou il est juste un bon acteur? I could Google it, but how else will I flex that I too, speak French. Lestat is actually my cousins neighbor, oui oui baguette.

LMAOOOO “that explains the attire” SHOTS FIRED. Man’s came for his whole fit, and Lestat laughed it off cuz he’s in love, wow.

Lestat is such a scorpio sun libra Mercury scorpio mars because who tells a story, LEANS FOR A SLUTTY KISS and continues with the same elegance? He’s such a slut, I love it!

The way he just had foreplay and the whole time Louis fighting for his life to not bust. Cuz what? Watching a man touch a woman that way with their gaze fixed on you only? He’s playing with you Lou! RUN (not to fast tho, make it clap as you go tihi)

Am I wrong for thinking Louis was not just mad that Lestat froze him but that he knows without much effort? He knows Louis a raging homosexual and it’s been what? Minutes? Pls!

“I’ve emptied a bank volt to sample” LESTAT! He’s a whore but I’m still shocked, I knew this BUT IM STILL SHCOKED!

He really saw Louis in the act for seconds and decided to not just stay but get a home, furnish it, get a wardrobe, ignore that it’s basically a red light district (sure there’s buisness but he comes off too french to ever accept to live near the sound of cheeks being clapped) JUST cuz Louis is there. When will it be me god?

“You are his destiny Louis”— istfg if I do not experience this soon I will combust. PlS!

The bidding war was so hot and then he placed his ring and I felt it in every fiber of my being. Can’t beleive Lilly didn’t say ‘just get y’a cocks out and let’s do it the proper way’ the way they were slinging

Louis’ idk if I wanna be him, beat him or fuck him moment was real, man’s was fighting gay thoughts with all his might (and looses, later)

His mind filled with just Lestat huh? So the gay thought’s won? I wonder if he tells Lestat that? If he does I think lestat’s head will grow too big for his hats.

Thé poker game was smooth and I love how Louis just went meh, and didn’t question the time freezing, the voice in his mind or the enormous compliment — you are worth more, king. Big ups.

Pls Not them having put and Louis bring smt to read, he’s such a weirdo bro we know you know he’s basically taking you out on dates and you love it! PUT THE BOOK DOWN AND FLIRT BACK *holds up a gun*

THE CINEMA! Such cultured lads! I love them. Out here watching while Lestat watching his snack, I MEAN HIS MAN, I MEAN HIS BUISNESS PARTNER

‘He’s not white he’s French’ — this is what all white Man’a whore tell themsleves. Didn’t I fucking predict they’d say that? Lmaoo I did!

NOT HIM CALLING HIS MOM MAMMA DU LAC! He’s tryna fit in and Paul fighting back from saying sum (not too hard tho cuz now he’s going in lmao GET HIM LIL BRO)

“What’s the nature of your relationship with my brother” All my mind can think off is ‘everybody knows… everybody knows that he fucks you’. Cuz why would he ask that? Clearly that’s your future brother in law AND PAUL KNEW! The voices told him he was amongst the gays tihi

Okay Lestat pls don’t trauma dump on Paul lmao, answer the question or politely ignore it cuz I feel like Paul has some ‘you’ve got the wrong time but the right bitch’-him and just swing cuz what? But I think he’s being pulled in so he couldn’t even move if he wanted to.

NOT LOUIS SETTING IT STREIGHT! Idk why I thought he’d be a pushover after all the dreamy stairs Lestat has given him:)

This is all I can imagine Lestat thinking as he dinned with black ppl probably for the first time ever — rich and educated at that.

Please! A Lilly for his front pocket and a Lilly for Louis to do nothing with but entertain him, tihi

Not her revealing he’s gay, girl, bffr. “It’s okay” this strange white man now knows too fucking much babes but whatever

THE ALMOST TOUCH! I had to close the screen sorry I am used to fluff only (no I am not, but that yanked me)

now he’s in his head, fucking his mind and eyes and watching him get hard for him cuz Lilly ain’t doing shit but be a buffer. A pretty buffer getting a taste of Lestats man FOR NOW! Good *gets closer to screen* IS THAT FINGER SUCKING? Even pulling away in disgust was not convincing babes, !BE WHO YOU ARE!

THE FIGHT FOR DOMINANCE! MY GOSH AND THE RELEASE! It’s like he was pretending before going full ‘yeah now after we’ve kissed and touched titties, you know I’m into it so let me chill’ and he went lax, and now they floating, fucking and sucking. Gosh, this better win an award.

No because I fully beleive being drank from by a vampire is the closest thing humans will ever get to experience true euphoria and that’s why I will not simply be turned immediately. MAKE ME YOUR BLOODBAG FOR AT LEAST SEVEN DAYS AND SEVEN NIGHTS PLS I need to feel the THRILL

That was the most romantic, tender yet agressive love making bloodsucking scene I’ve ever witnessed. I’m bricked up, down there and up here (holds heart)

The wedding! This about to be good cuz y’all know black ppl know how to celebrate!

ARGH THE MONEY TO HER DRESS! The diaspora is ALIVE!

Thé dancing! Arghhhh this show is so freaking black, I love it! Anne is probably rolling in her grave, arguing with Satan to be resurrected so she can sue. Love it here

THE THROWN MONEY! YAAAAAAAS! Y’all don’t understand! This how we really be!!!! Black folks RISE! This one’s for us!

Now they climbing a whole roof just to … see the sunset? Babes… bffr.

Awww “I love you-“ why did that sound like a Goodby! Where is HEGOING NO-

NOOOOOOOOOOOO

Noooooooo! I’m fenna cry, PLEASE NOT PAUL! (I knew he dies but I also forgot but I also was just enjoying myself and they caught me slipping. Now I’m pausing to take deep breaths…)

And that was his last sunrise? Yeah, cuz the fucking cameras.

Pls not death is boring… Speak for yourself, some of us have yet to try >:( ( but I’ll probably agree. It’s so inevitable like boo, give us smt fresh, smt unexpected!)

Not his mama tryna blame him… pushed? Babes be fucking Fr rn. Fuck sakes. And his sister not defending or nun. She probably wanted him gone and now she got it.

I just feel bad cuz suicide is a sin and still he did it :/ sad.

MANS PULLED UP TO THE FUNERAL! Lestat you are sick (I love it). PLEASE NOT HIM ACTUALLY NOT GAF! Didn’t even wear black, even tho I know that wardrobe fully stocked!

“Not here” Louis says and Lestat is on sims ‘I texted, I called, I send a pigeon and nothing, ignoring me huh?

THE GASP THAT LEFT ME! NO LESTAT YOU CANT SAY THAT AT THE WALK TO THE FUNERAL! All in attempt to ‘pick me, choose me, love me’ into Louis’ heart, now Louis ready to fist fight you in the same streets you fell for him tsk me tsk tsk. Maybe y’all should step to the side and kiss. Cuz clearly Lestat was NOT leaving …

This is the lvl of toxic and possessiveness I thought I’d see in twilight… y’all fooled me. Cuz Bella would have loved this ngl and I’d have loved it more but Edward is a runner and a track star. Lestat tho? He’d probably kill the whole town for Louis to notice him.

This man went to the burial, didn’t even wait for his obsessive fangirl behavior, AND he killed Lilly leaving nobody for Louis to turn to. Now man’s fighting for his life and all I’m wondering is why no other vampire in history has ever been this obsessive so I’d know this is how fucked up I am (derogatory) wow. Went to every fucking limits just so Louis wouldn’t know peace.

NOT THE CONFESSIONAL WITH THE PRIEST! Louis you don’t even beleive! It’s giving “Ariana! What are you doing here!”

Did Lestat not think of the priest? Tsktsk didn’t even eliminate all sources of outlet! Should have burnt the church, house, brothers and had every townsman flee just to get a text back. For legal reasons I am joking…

Nvm, he barely got into the juicy bits before man’s was dragged out and is now being devoured. (Kinda hot. Didn’t even let Louis finish)

At this point, whenever Louis doesn’t breath is Lestat direction it’s PICK ME CHOOSE ME LOVE ME. He’s so obsessive *plays obsessed by Mariah Carey*

All I see is Lestat being so angry and hurt that Louis went to confess to a god he does not beleive in before he came to Lestat. Like damn. You’d rather come here then come to me ? “Do I mean that little to you-“ type of hurt. :( Aww babes, he’s just afraid cuz once he comes to you, it’s over. That’s the beginning of a life he doesn’t beleive he can have and he’s want all of you … can’t be gay and black in these parts (time + place) I fear

Please not the stabbing! 😭 babes pls you know this man isn’t a regular man, he drank from you and you decided to never speak to him again for a reason.

Pls not the slowmo! It looks so fucking cool! Even when he eats ppl it’s so agressive and looks so painfull! Love messy eater vampires.

“I’m not the devil- but I can give you death-“ Pls why has nobody offered me this ?? It’s not fair! “I love you Louis, you are loved.” Nawl I’m fenna cry. (And I am crying)

Envious that this is not my character arch, I am stuck consuming it rather then being CONSUMED! He wanted to create an infinity Between them. Remove death AND life from the equation!

That was the most beautiful asking ever. The way their just :’) This is such a tender, romantic, loving moment. That moment was … beautiful. I have no words! I too forgot the barbaric scene (lmao as did Louis ofc)

AND THEN CAME THE NOD! THE KISS AND THE BITE! The way he kissed him, alone, I could tell he released all fears and pain he had in this life. Fear of loving a man, of being who he was, pain of being at fault for things — for his role as a pimp, him as a son, a brother to his brother, a provider for his family. The one who promised his father strength without truly ever wanting it but doing it because he was good at it. He was hurting so much and Lestat just liberated him (too bad Louis doenst realize this too is a prison, but with a nice view, unhinged love of your life and a future daughter, have fun)

That was perfect. The description of the transformation — THE HAARTBEATS! Gosh I wanna be able to have senses heightened this much! ImGAINE!

I am SCREAMING it was so quick! I’m a whore for varsity in transformations! Some vampires die and require burials. Some are dead for much longer! EVERYYING! EVERYTHING

This was dead ass the best vampire tv show I’ve ever seen. They gave me black ass moments and I am living! TENDERNESS, POSSESSION! OBSESSION, trauma, laughter, depth! Script was INCREIDBLE! These are really good writers! What a team! And the actors? Give those two their fucking awards RIGHT NOW!

I cannot believe we’re witnessing the best vampire show unfold right before us.

#I could die tmr and not even be mad like oh? okay then #let me finish the show actually so wait lmao #IWTV #interview with the vampire #vampire #thoughts #IWTV commentary

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raguna-blade · 5 years ago

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Revolutionary Girl Utena Live(ish) Reaction Episodes 8-11

So it's a new year, and I'm gonna continue this, cause its' fun. Had a brief break cause of the holidays. And doing so, I figure i'm gonna do a thing where I make up a nice cleaned up version of these cause if nothing else I like organizing my thoughts. So Control F or whatever your find function is for the cleaned up version if that's your thing. It'll be under Overall Thoughts per ep. Or you know, you're me and you're going back through this for validation for whatever nonsense you say later.

Episode 8

Curry huh? And another recap? uh....

enmy remains trifling

hey wait egg time already?

Danger? Really?

Body swap? Also egg time is goofs

throwin hands????? anthy?

Yeah nanami it is ridiculous

JERSUS TOGA

nanami you idiot

She just fucked off to india to get some weird back alley spice

Shadow girls can you please, just please for a single episode.

ANTHY YOU LYING. Never been good at sports and you did that leap apparently pretty well? What the fuck.

Also, the switching thing here is mad suspect considering the end theme thing (and I suppose the opening.

Utena as Anthy : I don't want to be a sacrifice of the rose seal.

Anthy As Utena: I'm super down staying like this actually.

Like..This is just details that

Uh..Uh saionji what. The implications are strong here. Also, Douche canoe he is, but he's a romantic apparently? UUUUH. Exchange diary.

Is the “A” plot a distraction? Like for real.

Also she took that elephant to the dome.

I'm not sure how to take this personality switch. Like the minds thing whatever, but if it's just the personalties but not the person so to speak, hold on

WHAT THE FUCK. These elephants for fucking real?

Anyway, if they're just personalities altering the “person” it's uh...Interesting. I'm not sure how to take that til I get more info. It seems like a thing.

Also, Saionji apparently legit has feels for Anthy he's just...mad dumb about expressing it? Like he's pulling a lot of Badboy Romance Tropes here but...not...in a badboy romance. Which kills his behavior entirely.

Killed his Soul AGAIN. Damn.

Who's the divine justice for? Like it doesn't seem for nanami. Who fucked up. Presumably between anthy and utena.

Anthy what the actual fuck are you doing. Are you using gunpowder?

Homie, this isn't twilight, go home saionji.

Anthy as Utena(????) you trolling. So hard.

Saionji get's zero respect but dudes dedicated I'll give him that. Fitting for bad boy romance lead.

Uh...Wait, actually, are they all romance leads? Common ones in one way or the other. They are on the student Council so...Hm. I don't read enough romance stories of the variety I think but it seems to fit? I'm not sure what juri would be in that case.

Anyway, if this Episode Turns out to be a key for understanding things I'm gonna be pissed. Just a little.

Overall Thoughts: So this and the other “filler” episode is, especially after finishing my last ep in the session, read as anything but despite the obvious uh...antics on display. Like...

Ok, so the whole thing with the ending which frames Anthy and Utena as kinda the same (or rather exactly the same, except one's in red and the other pink) makes this whole episode feel like it's basically some kind of key for understanding everything else because it's simple times. It's goofy hilarity with Nanami that's the A Plot right hahahah....

Except the personality swap between the two of them is like...The implication here is that they swapped minds fully, and given the level of fairy tale bullshit that is at play constantly in this series so far it may well just be magic brand magic and we're supposed to roll with it. Ok. Fair.

Except...The thought that sits in my head is again, Anthy and Utena seem to equal each other. Hell I point it out slightly later that there's definitely this yin yang thing going on in the opening with the two which is so blatant as to be meaningless because Hah Yeah these are our two leads obvs and they're important to each other so hahah don't worry about or think about it check out these SWEET SWORDSMANSHIP MOMENTS FROM EVERYONE LOOK AT THE BUDGET AND COOL HORSES AND CASTLES HAHAHA.

But ok, if it's a Yin Yang thing, yes they're not the same but they have elements of each other within eachother. So if it's just a personality swap but not an actual soul swap thing, that is, Anthy is just acting like Utena's personality is in her, and Utena is just acting like Anthy's personality is in her it paints this picture of Utena and Anthy as having a lot going on under the surface. I mean obviously Anthy is fucking pissed at Saionji. That was really really evident in episode one because if she's just being submissive rosebride I do what i'm told and I do what i'm told I do what i'm told, the very very very sharp dig of “We're Just classmates” is fucking brutal unnecessity. And given that she DOES know what he feels for her, and he's still acting like that, her being vindictive(or just brusque really, he's being an ass full bore) is like...absolutely reasonable.

Her Slapping back and about to throw hands with her tormentors? Who wouldn't want to right?

But then, ok that's Anthy, but what about Utena. If it's just a mind swap, Utena...want's a very defined existence? Like, she wants to just stick to a role? Feels weird, and doesn't quite immediately jive with her cause that seems against her operations right? Except, as this episode so kindly reminds us (for at least the third time in 8 episodes which seems excessive. I might be forgetting one or two) Utena's whole thing coming to this school is I want to play the Role of the Prince, whatever that actually means. Playing the Rose Bride would be no real difference, except it's way more submissive.

So that aside, Saionji saying he's in love with Anthy (and that seems to be something he at least believes to be true. He honestly seems more into Toga. Like for real for real, all the imagery of those flashbacks reads not just as close buddies, but as I am romantically down with you Toga my guy. Him being Bi is probably the easiest answer, and he just drifted away from Toga for a while. Saionji clearly sees him as a friend and rival, although it's seemingly not reciprocated at the moment.

But the thing, the thing that's kinda weird to me, is that if he does legit have feelings for her, I was struck with this odd vibe that he's playing at being a romance lead. Specifically, a Bad Boy romance lead. And doing so SPECTACULARLY badly. Homeboy is sitting here busting out poetry (unless my brain is being a dumb and i'm somehow overlaying him with Tatewaki Kuno from Ranma which ok, weird but alright) but...

Ok, if he is playing at being a Badboy Romance lead, that actually explains his behavior for how he was treating Anthy, especially if he's legit in his feelings for her? Possessive, Radiates Danger, Engages in Creepy Behavior, is a bit of a dick, etc. It lines up with Being a Bad Boy, except that the way that those usually work out in fiction, as I understand it, they're not usually like...gonna hit you. That breaks the fantasy. But...That's him fucking up the archetype. It doesn't fit for him. He doesn't understand what he's doing in that archetype.

Like yes, abusers and the like can care and still be absuers cause fucked up behavior and motivations don't need to match in the least, but it still feels odd that a man who probably literally could have done any number of fucked up things has...an exchange diary with the girl he says he cares about? And it's not like he's unaware of how submissive/passive she is, his exchange diary actually kinda reads like Utena's Anthy is A Real Girl! Activities*. He wants her to be active part of whatever their relationship is and...Eh.

But ok, if he's that, It suggests the rest of the student council, and duelists in general, would fit into a given archetype right? Toga is clearly the super cool intelligent superman student council president, Juri is basically charisma max Jock, Miki is the cute nerd, Nanami is the Ojou villainess type, Utena is...Basically the Hero type, just morals, strains to upset the status quo, Has the Cool Original Uniform.

And they all kinda fit into those pretty thoroughly, kinda like they're trying to (to varying levels of awareness)

Anyway, I'll hit on some of the other stuff in the next Ep. It's a bit more relevant there I think.

*See Me In Episode 11

Episode 9

I just realized they're doing some kinda yinyang thing in the opening so

R V G FIGHT.

Pretty tense there. Toga went straight for the heart which i'm sure means nothing.

Old Friends? Phrasing seems uh...odd? Unsure if it's dub things or actual subtext. Or both.

Dude you really got beef with a monkey? No, utena.

Being a huge dick. As is tradition.

10 Years.

Saionji: Actually love her (said) but

This is mad gay. Like the lighting, the silhouette. Saionji you're sublimating something here.

Music, Silhouettes.

...Silhouettes show truth? uh.

They were Utena's folks funeral? Huh. Also, why on earth would Utena be kidnapped? Who she be?

….Three coffins. Uh. Uhhhhhh. Utena, Toga, Saionji? UuuuHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH?

Dead utena. Uh.

Toga: Ally to all women. Ok.

...Why is there a third coffin?

Something Eternal huh? And Utena wants to die for reasons understandable.

Find another coffin. Rose Sigils on the coffins. Uh. Uhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Saionji: Hey, this is nuts, we should stop her.

Toga: Nah, I'm gonna Ennable the shit out of this.

Tiny Utena with the White Rose?

Saionji: Did he do something to her?

Toga: Nope

Uh....

Anthy: Something Eternal in the castle. I want to go there.

Also impressive grip strength considering. Flat.

Does Toga Remember this or...? I can't be sure. Saionji certainly didn't recognize her, but he wasn't like right on top of the trauma child.

Toga white roses? Uh? Uhhhhh. I think he definitely remembers. But questions abound.

Ufo's shadow girls? Shadow girls having flesh is deeply concerning.

TRUE FRIENDS ARE JUST FANTASIES. OK.

And UFO's broke, so that's probably not great. Who's getting the Revelations today.

That is the fakest voice toga what the fuck

Badboy Saionji: We're Gonna get the eternity.

Also, I just realized they (saionji and anthy) have color inversions going on which is making me kinda wonder if they're related in some way?

Just slap the shit out of him that's fair.

Ok, so Saionji didn't(?) do the dumb thing. Ok,

that is...a coffin. That he's 100% obssessed with. With Anthy (Utena) inside.

He's looking like he kissed his own mom right now, goin full oedipus in the holy shit revelations here.

Castle is crumbling, falling down. So...Eternity is Fake. Ok. Sure. Didn't shadow girls say that?

Castle Immediately tried to kill him. Crushed his soul 1 time too many there I suppose.

Utena, meanwhile, dove super deep into saving anthy which...diving deeper into the fantasy?

Yeah, they all just saw things.

Saionji: WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED WHATS GOING ON?

Bro, me too.

Ok, if the two are reflections, does Anthy and saionji both got some deep illusory bullshit going on? Are they both freaking out?

Toga, saving the day, and Saionji, tried to kill Utena with a sword. so. Ok.

Saionji Expelled? Toga, fool for thinking they're friends?

WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED HERE?

Overall Thoughts: I touched on a bunch of the Saionji stuff I wanna talk about in the last episode review, but the thing I kinda want to look at here is well...

Ok, Now the colors probably don't mean anything, but there was this moment that Saionji and Anthy were in the same shot and I suddenly realized they're color flips of each other. Purple hair green eyes, Green Hair Purple eyes, which ok that's interesting.

So we already have Utena Reflecting on Anthy, and hey, there's Zero Reason, absolutely negative number reasons why that wouldn't necessarily be the case with any and all of the rest of the duelists to some degree or another.

And hell, the fact that we keep flipping back and forth between Utena and Anthy in Coffins, there being (for some weird ass reason) a third entirely unrelated coffin for Utena's folks funeral, why the fuck not right?

So ok, Anthy and Saionji mirror each other which...Ok. If the Personality Swap from Episode 8 thing holds, The two actually share some pretty dickish actions. They can be cruel and petty and just antagonistic to things that don't quite jive with what they want. Saionji with Anthy not being...whatever he's expecting out of her, or Utena butting in. Anthy with the girls who keep fucking with her and Saionji.

They both seem to be utterly STUCK on the Rose Bride thing, although from different angles of Possessing the Rosebride and being the Rosebride, and the kind of weird shaping of the Rosebride thing that's going on.

Saionji is treated as a joke by the student council, especially after he get's kicked out, which ultimately ends with him being someone who is generally wanted but ends up ultimately exiled from society. Which mirrors with Anthy as someone is is wanted, but doesn't seem to have ANY kind of actual tangible bonds with anyone.

And, for this last one I have ZERO evidence on the Anthy end, but the suggestions are uh..interesting. Saionji in this episode, as suggested by the shadow girls at least in part, is deeply deeply invested in a fantasy of some kind, one that ultimately leaves him crushed and rather empty, further exiled from people who could or do care for him and that he cares about. Which if we're going with the property sliding across and He's a Foil for Utena (which I think is definitely true in some ways) suggests bad things for her down the line.

Episode 10

Saionji's a joke huh? He's taking it well.

Toga WOW. WOW YOU FUCKING DOUCHE. STRAIGHT IN THE FIRE HUH.

EGG TIME.

So, thing about eggs, that includes whats inside it right? so...Revolutionize yourself right? Right? That's obvious right?

Oh new duelist. Cool cool.

Utena getting slapped. By Nanami. With Utena being hella submissive. (EPISODE 8 FLASHBACKS INTENSIFY)

maybe a girl can't be a prince. THERES THAT THESIS. E8 FLASHBACKS

Nanami got her brother a kitty.

Oh damn it is Nanami. Duel Time. I mean we sall it in the opening but you know.

Jesus Toga, please stop being

OH GOD NANAMI NO. NOOOOOO NOPE NO.

Toga: We ain't kids no more. Shit don't fly.

Nanami: Emotionally devastated.

Is that Miki's sister?

Hey, what happened to the cat?

Juri: Hey, Serious Business, what the fucks up with the duelist?

Toga is perpatrating as badly as nanami actually. He's just less immediately obvious about it I guess.

Goddamnit there's Anthy's next slap. Jesus. Legit, who hasn't at this point. Is this a theme? IS THIS A THING?

Jesus, he's just playing all of this to piss her off? What the fucks up.

...Did nanami kill the cat. Uh...Uhhhhhh.

Ring is an engagement ring. Wait, that's a flat out school rule that everyone knows? For real? Uh.

...What the fuck happened with the kitty. Uh...

ITS TIME. ABSOLUTE DESTINYYYYYYYYYYYY

I just realized the kinda weird framing with Anthy dressing up utena kinda looks like her opening her legs up with the way it get's framed and I'm not sure if that's me just kinda over reading things or if that's a thing.

Nanami's duel outfit is SICK. Also, a yellow alt color of utena.

Actually. ACTUALLY? Is...Is Nanami like an Utena Alt color? That can't be right. Actually looking at them right next to each other they're...straight up alt colors of each other. Not to mention Nanami's my prince thing mirrors Utena.

She just HOT pulled a knife. Oh she's About to fucking hot MERC utena, going for death jessus.

They're supposed to be around the same age too for that matter right?

She absolutely killed that cat and it's...

With her hair down she does look like an utena alt color even more.

Why's the duel music still going after the duel finished. Jesus. This wasn't a duel with Nanami, it was a duel with Toga, and I think Utena Hot lost it out and out.

Overall Thoughts: Well the Big thing I'm paying attention here are two. First the simpler one.

The Egg has to break the shell of the world to be born right? I'm paraphrasing badly, but the thing is the way they keep phrasing that is that the World is the Egg, but the egg isn't just the shell right? It includes what's inside of it. Which if that's the case, mixed with the way that duels work out being more a clash of ideals than of actual tangible skill, the revolutionize the world bit seems to be referring to them themselves, that is the duelists.

Alternatively, the Bird Referenced, the thing being revolutionized is Anthy. Which...Is an interesting line of thought. Given the Duels as a whole are basically choosing who her fiance will be, that'd imply that ultimately this decides the way that Anthy would come to develop? Or how she chooses to develop? Which ok if so, and the way that Ideals seem to be at play, Suggests...What? Dunno. Need more info, which will be delivered later.

But the other thing here, continuing the mirroring thing, which might be me reading too deeply, but I think not and even if it is Whatever I'm having fun.

THE ENTIRE NANAMI DUEL felt like a Mirror Match.Heck, Nanami dressed like an alt color of Utena, and especially once her hair got undone she looked even more like an alt color of Utena. They're only about a year different in age, and her brother seems to be her Prince type, and he drops the ring on her like an engagement ring, and she basically says I fight like my brother because he's my ideal.

Which is a weird thing since right now it's not going...too far. I'll have to see how it shakes out, but if the mirroring thing continues, the fact that the moment she lost she basically said nope fuck that, Knife Time, was...Concerning. It says real concerning things with Utena.

But it also says other interesting things then, because if Nanami is supposed to be some kind of Alt color Utena, similar in ambition goals and the like, if more outwardly girly to Utena's princey thing, their relationship with Anthy is uh..

Uh...

Well put simply, Utena is fucking up big and dramatic with Anthy, and she doesn't realize it at all or care because she can't see it for what it is. Nanami actively tries to undermine Anthy, and does some fucked up things to her. Which..Makes me wonder about the Divine Judgement thing from Episode 8 which, damnably, seems to be forming some kind of key here.

Like the way it's frame suggests the divine Judgement being visited upon Nanami is what's being talked about. But ok, Nanami had some bad shit happen to her sure, but...All of that was self inflicted upon her trying to fix what she percieves as a problem. Yes her reasons for doing it are so she can be with her brother, no doubt, but...They're ridiculous. Like, I cannot believe this shit is happening. But

But

If the Target of Divine Judgement/punishment is the Anthy Utena duo, one or both of them are on the receiving end of it. It's not clear how Acting like Utena would be a punishment for Anthy (I'm sticking with it just being a personality swap and not a full mind swap) but Utena who prides herself on being princely and aspires to that being the super submissive rosebride? I could see that being a kind of hell for her. And if the logic of Utena is Undermining Anthy holds out, but the criitcal difference being her ignorance and dishonesty of why compared to Nanami unabashedly saying yes I am fucking doing this fuck you I get what I want no hold barred, it...

Like, Nanami, as far as it goes, doesn't really receive a punishment if we're being honest. Yes she takes a couple of elephants to the dome, and has to be away from her brother and see her thing fail but..The way it's treated by herself and everyone else is basically a LOL THESE THINGS HAPPEN I GUESS HAHAHA. The Utena/Anthy swap meanwhile seems considerably more serious for them (especially considering the Everyone Slaps Anthy thing that seems to legit be a thing. Somehow. Except here Applied to “Utena”), and seems to cause some serious distress.

We'll see I guess.

Episode 11

As I watch this opening more and more, why is anthy like constantly framed like...Ominous as shit? Is it me?

Homegirl is just. Damn. Sure glad NOTHING BAD WILL HAPPEN (I do not trust this series to not have something bad happen to Wakaba. Again.)

Anthy. Are..are you...passive aggressively doing...something

Toga: I can see through the illusions yeah boi.

I do not trust this for an inch. He is abusing the shit out of his framing, like the whole time, and I don't trust.

Toga is “student council prince” archetype. Miki's nerdy student counciler.

EGG TIME

Juri is...Antagonistic But well meaning?

Saionji...I'm not sure he was actually on the stuco. But if so, bad boy.

What....is with the balloons. The color coded balloons.

Miki: Like a Pet Cat.

The Pet Cat that died, got killed.

WHAT IS WITH THESE BALLOONS.

ALSO I SEENT YOU PURPLE BALLOON.

So if the duels are ideal clashes more than actually a matter of direct skill, is this Toga (touga?) trying to fuck with Utena before the fight?

Anthy is a Bird. Ok. And Toga, arguably, being the biggest dick here. We thought it was Saionji, but the trick was he's the red part of the rose.

Anthy shut down REAL quick when being the rose bride was brought up.

Is Utena projecting mad hard onto Anthy here?

Homeboy needs to stop playing these games.

Utena, Stahp. DO NOT TRUST HIM.

Toga, You...DOUCHE. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH

Toga: Oh My B, Shouldn't act that way in front of the rose bride. ALSO DUELING LETS GOOOOO.

Utena: one link forces me to fight him. Meanwhile, rose symbols everywhere, a lot of them brought in by anthy.

Hmmmmmmm.

Utena is hard not understanding something here. I don't know what (rose bride related for sure) but I don't get...WHAT is off here.

Cause thinking about it, Utena's objective with Anthy is arguably the most noble, but she's still not quite treating anthy as a person.

….William Tell Interlude is SUITABLY CONCERNING considering the above thoughts so uh.

Also that was a weirdly specific number. 30K arrows or something?

I just realized that the DARKNESS OF DARKNESS OF LIGHT OF DESTINY OF (INSERT) things seems to show up right around anthy a lot. I'm not super sure if that's a whole thing or just a this episode thing, but...

Is Utena about to get HOT DUNKED? Because I think she is.

Also, I just realized, Utena slid into that pull sword out of rose bride thing right quick and she's never once questioned that.

So yes, Utena has BOOTY but cheeks swordsmanship, which yeah, obvs. Two of the people she beat were actually skilled before this fight, and yet she won somehow.

I don't know how to deal with these lyrics. But Toga is absolutely fucking with her head here.

And She Lost. Decisively. YUP. WELP THIS IS GONNA BE A THING NEXT TIME.

Toga: Hey you don't have to deal with this bullshit anymore.

Utena is doing the EXACT same shit Miki and Saionji were pulling, and Anthy's blank soulless stare is freaking me the hell out. Again.

So, ideals here. But the idea that whoever has a...better grasp of the truth is the victor. Which makes sense that Toga wins here.

Jesus, Soul crush 2.0, except it's on Utena this time. Goddamn.

WELL NEXT EPISODE PROMISES TO BE FUN.

Utena: ITS NOT TRUE. ITS NOT TRUE!

The Anime Revolutionary Girl Utena IMMEDIATELY: MISSING TRUTH ETCETC HOLD ME IN YOUR TRUE ARMS I WANT TO KEEP SMASHING LIES APART

SURE THAT MEANS NOTHING GUYS GGNORE.

Also, no joke, these seem like a Direct response to this episode and I'm not sure how to feel about that.

I want to be hated by lies? Uhhhhh.

Overall Thoughts: So Hey, Here we are in Episode 11 and I want to talk about how Utena and Saionji basically are each other right here.

Like overtly even I think, even if the actions aren't precise clean mirrors to each other which I guess is just how i'm going to be going through this series right now RiP.

But ok, here's the thing. What has been increasingly clear as time goes by is that Utena is fundamentally misunderstanding something about Anthy. I'm not sure fully what it is, but it's clearly Rosebride related, and the thing with the clashing ideals suggests that the.

Actually let me explain that clear like. Right now my read on the Duels is that they are NOT in any way shape or form a demonstration of skill. I Think that's clear through this point, but I'm making it explicit for my own sake. The Victor of the Duel isn't the better fighter. If that were the case, It'd suggest the only ones in the running at all would be Toga or Saionji (Juri should also be in here, but I'm not actually clear how skilled she is compared to those two, and the way they're treated suggests that Toga and Saionji are comparable in pure skill/ability.)

But Utena somehow beat Saionji like three times, Juri and Miki. Miki's whatever, but Juri clearly knows what she's doing, and Saionji seems to be Kendo Team captain so you know. Up there. Meanwhile, Utena explicitly is an amateur.

I'm not saying, in full, that actual skill with the blade is a null thing, but your ideals seems to be the biggest factor over everything else. Presumably, people rocking equally “powerful” ideals would fall to skill with the sword.

Anyway. The Truths that Seem to be critical are Anthy Wants to Be Free of the Rosebride. Ok, so Utena has the right read then right? But then she lost to Toga who seems to be rocking Anthy Wants to Be, or else Considers herself fundamentally to be, the Rosebride, which is something that Utena seems to be denying about Anthy, but is none the less true.

But then, How are Utena and Saionji the same? Well, remember an episode back where I was talking about the divine punishment thing and all that jazz from episode 8?

It hits both of them for mistreating the Rosebride. There is a fantasy going on between Utena and Saionji, and while Saionji's is a bit complicated and unclear I think, Utena's actually is pretty straightforward I think. Utena want's to be a prince. That's her fantasy. The general virtues she want's to possess are great. Good even. But the specific's seems to involve a kind of rides in and saves the day riding in on a white horse thing, where she's the hero and does for some poor unfortunate girl what her prince did to her.

Saionji's meanwhile, seems to be something of him having a genuine reciprocal relationship with Anthy, with him inhabiting the role of a badboy romantic lead while the two of them have feelings for each other. When, really, he doesn't seem to care for her, or at least the feelings that he has for her are considerably weaker than whatever awkward feelings he has going on for Toga (I'm seriously a little fuzzy here, cause it feels like following his most recent defeat he's rocking some kind of clarity? I don't know how it's gonna work out, but I could sorta see him Returning and upsetting whatever the then status quo is.)

But notably, the big thing between them is their staunch refusal to accept what seems to be really true about their relationship with Anthy.

That the end theme seems to immediately pop up as an answer to Utena's reaction feels...Purposeful.

#revolutionary girl utena #liveblogish #In which I just have to accept that i'm probably gonna be looking at foils everywhere for everything #Things Get Spicy #I should really consider getting images but for right now i refuse.#liveblog

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gattius-starfrost · 6 years ago

Text

Weekend of Indulgences

The week had been long, busy, and irritating in Starfrost Clinic. Success was one thing, but Gattius quickly became overwhelmed by the number of new clients coming through the door. He was only one elf, after all. Managing financing, scheduling, and the actual practice of medicine all on his own! Not to mention his duties to take care of Tannis when Syrielle was off at the Sun Spire doing… whatever it was those Magisters did on a daily basis! He debated turning some patients away… but he just couldn’t bring himself to. Helping people was his goal in all this, after all. No, less patients wasn’t the answer. More staff… that made more sense. It came with its own set of challenges, though - Syrielle had just hired a few new guards for the Manor. More hires so soon after that would stretch their coffers thinner. House Starfrost was well off… but not that well off!

It didn’t matter, in the moment. The clinic was closed, and would be for the weekend. Gattius had finished his paperwork - records and ledgers, both - rather late into the night. All the same, he needed to decompress. He needed some time to himself, away from work, from Tannis’ constant needs, away from the busy Manor…

He needed a fishing trip.

Syrielle, of course, was all for it. The thought alone of how supportive and loving she could be at times brought a smile to his face. She came home early from her business to tend to Tannis and allow Gattius to promptly finish his work and head out for some evening fishing; the start of his weekend away! He packed his fishing supplies and overnight gear - the latter of which consisted of a shoddy tent, hammock, rations, and about half a crate of cigarettes - and set off south to start his mini-vacation!

The Elrendar River babbled on as it always had, setting a soothing soundtrack to his weekend of relaxation. Gattius loved fishing here; his hidden fishing hole, just above the falls. He cozied up against a small angled rock facing, which served faithfully as his fishing chair for years now, and cast out his line. He’d always had some success at this spot. Some days more than others, it all depended on the season. But he expected he’d pull a fish or two before bed. Ten or so the next day. The rations were really just in case, honestly - he intended to be well fed through the weekend by the rod alone!

Gattius smoked. A lot. He’d cut down a bit, between his time in the clinic, and interacting with Tannis. Neither were suitable environments for such a habit. He’d sneak out for breaks every now and again, but those had become few and far between with how busy he’d been lately. But out here, alone, he indulged himself. The taste, the feel, it relaxed him all the more!

His ear flickered, as he felt a nibble at his line. Then another. He cast his golden eyes to the water’s surface, watchfully. A firm tug caused his rod to bow ever-so-slightly. He responded in kind by jerking up quickly to try and snag the fish!--- but it got away! He exhaled a smoke-filled sigh, as he reeled in his line to cast it once more. It seemed he was a bit out of practice.

His line was back in the water before too long. He lit up another cigarette… his fourth now? Or fifth? He’d lost count. It didn’t matter, though - he was happy enough to indulge in his old vice, freely. It seemed like a good weekend to indulge, anyway. In old habits, old hobbies… time to cut loose and enjoy himself!

Gattius’ ear flickered again… but this time, it had nothing to do with his line. He heard something. Felt something. The evening Eversong breeze grew somehow cold, heralding an uneasy feeling that gripped him at his core. He sat up, eyes wide and alert, as he looked around for something - anything - out of place. It was quiet. Nothing but him, the trees, and the calmly babbling river bend stirred here, at this hour. He relaxed a bit, as he ashed his cigarette.

“... Lad…?”

He heard a whisper on the winds; quiet, but as clear as his own voice. He recognized it… and yet it sounded foreign. Distorted. He leapt up from his seat, hands glowing with radiant Light energy as he looked around once more.

“Who’s there?” he demanded!

“Easy… relax, lad…” the whisper came again. “Don’t need yeh slashin’ m’throat again…”

Gattius gasped, as a shadowy figure emerged from behind a tree before him. He scowled, hands clenching to fists… and yet his feet kept still. He’d seen this figure before… in the manor. The ren’dorei infiltrator! He was stunned-- didn’t he kill him? No, he’d vanished… was it an illusion? Was this an illusion, too? His mind was bombarded with questions as his eyes kept affixed to the elven figure.

“Who… who are you?” he demanded again. “What do you want?”

“Thinkin’ I’ll keep m’distance this time, lad.” the figure replied, smirking. “Yeh’ve gotten jumpy on me. Last time I tried gettin’ close, well… lucky slash, lad.”

The figure pulled his collar down a bit, as he brushed the darkened, pallid skin on his neck - no scar, no sign of a cut.

“It’s me, lad! It’s Alteris. Was try’na tell yeh in yer study, there, but…” he shrugged, words fading to a simple, familiar chuckle.

“Kodo-shit!” Gattius shot back! “Alteris is dead! This is a trick!”

The Blood Elf’s hands thrummed with holy power, as his golden eyes flared. He’d heard this before, fallen for such tricks in the past. Not again! In lieu of a weapon, the fishing rod in his hand illuminated with a fiery glow. An extension of Gattius’ divine power! He pointed it at the shadowy figure, scowling!

“Leave now! This is your only chance!”

There was silence for a moment, as the two stared each other down. Gattius, staring in anger and determination. The void elf… staring in disbelief. Awestruck! He blinked his eyes. Then again… the his lips curled to a grin. It started low… then became more pronounced as his shoulders bounced; he was laughing!?

“Hehe… ehehehe… Haha! Hahaha! HAH!” the void elf threw his head back, as the laughter overcame him! “HAHAHA--OH HO HO! Y’look like a feckin’ idiot, lad! What’re y’gonna do with that, now? Plannin’ ta smite me with yer open-face reel? Hahah!”

Gattius was not amused. He sighed, as the flames that glowed about his fishing rod flickered out. He scoffed.

“I could, y’know!” he said, defiantly! … but it came out borderline childishly. “I mean… Bah! Nevermind! If you’re Alteris, prove it!”

As if laughing and demeaning him wasn’t proof enough… Gattius lowered the fishing rod, but kept his guard up. His ears flickered about, eyes watching not just the Void elf, but the area around him. The void elf leaned against the tree from behind which he’d emerged, relaxed, casual, not at all appearing threatened by Gattius and his radiant glow.

“Oi, an’ how do yeh want me t’ do that, lad?”

Gattius frowned. He wasn’t entirely sure HOW this void elf could prove such a thing! What would serve as a suitable test? If this was Alteris, by some strange happenstance… how would Gattius know for sure?

“... Tell me something only Alteris would know.” he said. “About… us. About me. Something personal, aye? Not my name or favorite color… something Alteris would know about me that no one else would.”

The void elf raised his brow. He pushed up off the tree, and took a few tentative steps forward.

“A’ight… lemme think, aye? Could go int’a our relationship. First time we fucked? --No, no no, y’might’ve told that story to yer new-ish wife.” he tapped his chin, thoughtfully. “Maybe a war story, campaign we fought t’gether? Or… well, other folks were there fer most’ve ‘em…”

Gattius shook his head. None of that would really be proof. Stories about events like that were easy enough to overhear and recite. He’d told Syrielle a lot about his time with Alteris. Who knows who overheard him? The Guard was infiltrated by void elves once… was this a continuation of that? He couldn’t risk it, no. It had to be something he never told anyone.

“... Tell me about Grim Batol.” he ordered, sternly. “If you’re really Alteris… you’d know that story.”

The void elf’s shoulders slumped a bit, expression growing serious. He swallowed hard, and exhaled a sigh.

“... Aye. I remember it well, lad.” he replied, tone even. “You an’ me ventured in t’gether. Was late night, pitch black sky - dinnae think it could get any darker, until we slipped inside. Y’went in first, told me t’ watch our backs. An’ I did that, until we fell. Slid down that pit trap, remember?”

Gattius watched, rather surprised the void elf knew even that much! Could it be Alteris…?

“... What happened then?”

“Tch… well… yer leg got impaled on an iron spike, if I recall it right. Clean puncture, cleare through yer thigh. I set t’ treatin’ yeh. Bandagin’ yer leg up, best I could. ‘Course y’were criticizin’ my technique e’ry step o’ th’ way…” he chuckled, then shook his head. “... Then, I found it. Tucked in yer pocket, just above where th’ spike gotcha. Pulled it out, an’ I asked yeh, straight up… I said ‘What’re yeh carryin’ round this ring for, lad?’”

The void elf sighed, and shook his head.

“... I got mad ‘bout it, then. Chastised yeh pretty good about it. I remember th’ look on yer face durin’ it. Shocked, hurt… But I weren’t ready t’ git married, lad. An’ I knew y’weren’t then, either.” he sighed. “Took it, threw it across th’ pit, kept treatin’ yer leg. Reckon it’s still down there today, aye?

The ring y’were gonna propose t’me with.”

Gattius was silent. His golden eyes welled up with tears, as his ears pinned back flat along the sides of his head. There was a good reason why he didn’t talk about Grim Batol. To anyone. No one else, not even Syrielle, knew that story. Only he did. Only him… and Alteris. He looked him over, and shook his head.

“... How? You died. I saw you die. And then… you were in my head for so… so long… How’d you come back?”

“Th’ power o’ th’ Void is… strange, lad. Complicated. It’s kept me ‘round in yer head awhile… an’ now it’s brought me back fully.” Alteris shrugged, stepping a bit closer. “Guess that was always th’ point in stickin’ ‘round, but… this weren’t quite how I wanted t’ return to yeh.”

Gattius was speechless. His cigarette fell from between his lips, dying in the moist riverside grass beneath him. He fell to his knees, tears streaming down his face - tears of sorrow, tears of joy… tears of anger… the complex bundle of emotions running through him seemed to paralyze him in the moment. He could only look at Alteris, both grateful for his return and disgusted by what he had become. Alteris frowned, nearing closer still until he stood directly before Gattius. He knelt down, and gazed into his luminous eyes. Reaching out, he wiped the stream of tears from the Blood Elf’s cheek, his other hand resting on his shoulder.

“It’s me, lad. I’m back - lookin’ a bit different, I know. Reborn by somethin’ I know yer not fond of…” he sighed, shaking his head. “But this was the only way I could come back to yeh.”

Alteris’ hand slipped up behind Gattius’ neck, as he pulled him up against him. Slowly, he leaned in, and presses his lips to Gattius - retrying that kiss that confusion and doubt had rudely interrupted last time. Gattius didn’t fight it. Now that he knew it was Alteris - truly knew it - he didn’t want to resist. He couldn’t! His arms came up, slipping behind Alteris’ back as he embraced his old lover once again.

It felt different; the energy coursing through Alteris was definitely different, but he felt a familiarity in the movements. The way Alteris kissed him, and the way he kissed him back in return. It was different… yet felt so right! He relaxed, letting out a light moan as he surrendered to the desire. The spark between him and Alteris hadn’t diminished, even after all this time. Despite Alteris’ cold touch, the flames of passion were most assuredly rekindled. He pressed up against his old lover, firmly and commandingly, pushing Alteris down beneath him as they shifted to a horizontal position.

After all, what was one more indulgence this weekend?

#Gattius #Alteris #fishing trip #rekindled?#GASP!#character story

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miraculousmumma · 6 years ago

Text

Check Yourself Before You Wreck Yourself or Don’t Just Reply!

Characters: Adrien Agreste/Chat Noir, Marinette Dupain-Cheng/Ladybug, Alya Césaire, Nino Lahiffe

Pairings: Adrien/Marinette

Warnings: One swear word, I think!

Word Count: 1577

Summary: After accidentally finding out who Ladybug is, Adrien and Marinette both agonise over how to tell one another of their feelings.

A/N: This whole thing came about from the text message at the end of the story! I make these up as a joke for friends, my daughter, normally from fave actors/singers, but I was inspired to make one for these two dorks! I might be convinced to carry this one on eventually too!

‘I know who she is.’ Adrien said as he dropped back onto his bed, just home from the latest akuma attack.

Plagg ignored him, going straight to the cheese fridge for a top up, the small triangle of camembert Adrien had given him straight after detransforming hardly touching the hunger in his belly.

‘Did you hear me?’ Adrien raised his head just enough to look at his kwami as he disappeared through the door of the fridge. He rolled his eyes and dropped his head back down. ‘It doesn’t matter if you heard me or not. I know who she is. Now all I need to do is get her to see me.’

‘All you need to do is get him to see you!’ Alya pushed the ice cream sundae towards Marinette, realising her friend had hardly touched it. They had met up after the damage the akuma had caused was cleansed, Ladybug and Chat Noir disappearing into the, not quite sunset, but disappearing all the same.

‘I sit behind him in class every day, we have lunch together, we were cast in Clara Nightingale’s video together! I think if he was going to see me he would have done by now!’ Marinette shoved the glass bowl back at Alya, her appetite gone.

‘But he hasn’t seen you.’ Alya argued. ‘You need to do something to turn his head.’

‘Like what? Break his neck?’ Marinette huffed as she sat back and folded her arms. ‘I honestly give up, Alya. We either need a better plan or I’m destined to remain single for the rest of my life, wondering what might have been!’

‘I don’t want to remain single for the rest of my life, wondering what might have been.’ Adrien told Nino over video chat.

‘Dude, what exactly caused this sudden change of heart?’ Nino removed his hat and slipped on his headphones before plugging them into his laptop. ‘You’ve never shown a single shred of interest in Marinette before, and trust me, we’ve been watching for it.’

Adrien frowned. ‘What do you mean, you’ve been watching for it?’

‘You really didn’t catch on with all the gooseberrying we’ve had you and Marinette do with me and Alya? You’re blind, my dude.’ He laughed loudly. ‘So, so very blind.’

‘Wait, that was always a set up?’ He gasped, Plagg in the background giving a derisive snort.

‘Every. Damn. Time.’

Adrien just stared at him. ‘Did Marinette know about this?’ He asked eventually.

‘She was too shy to say anything herself, so we decided to step in.’ Nino leant back against his headboard. ‘Poor girl couldn’t talk to you for the first year you knew her.’

‘That was her problem? That she liked me?’ Adrien lunged forward and slammed his hand on his desk. ‘Dammit, I am blind!’

‘So, what are you going to do about it?’

‘So, what are you going to do about it?’ Alya asked as they walked down the street, about to go their separate ways to their homes.

‘Same as always?’

‘No!’ Alya groaned in frustration. ‘Girl, you need to ask or you will never get!’

Marinette sighed. ‘I’ll think about it, okay?’

‘I’ll think about it, okay?’ Adrien rocked his head back against his leather chair. ‘I don’t really know what to say.’ And not just because he knew she was Ladybug. Other than as Chat Noir he had never asked anyone out before, and last time hadn’t gone too well for him. But…but if Marinette really liked him, he should be home and dry…he hoped.

‘Let me know what you decide. My folks are calling me for dinner, I’ve gotta go.’

‘Say hi to them for me.’ Adrien said before closing the contact with a wave. He sighed as the monitor changed to show the wallpaper he had recently put up, a fan made collage of images of Ladybug from Alya’s blog. After a moment he opened his photos instead, looking at the many pictures from days out with his friends, every one showing Nino and Alya together, and himself with Marinette. They had been paired off almost from day one and he hadn’t realised. And in every single one she was blushing, more often than not looking at Adrien lovingly. He rubbed his hand over his jaw and finally brought up a side by side comparison. How had he never noticed it before? Her hair, her beautiful eyes, even the way she stood up to people, not just verbally but physically. She was right there and he had been too taken by red with black spots to see her.

That changed now, he just wasn’t sure how…

‘…I’m just not sure how.’ Marinette told Tikki as her phone beeped again with another message from Alya, and she flipped it over so it was face down on the chaise beside her.

‘It won’t be easy.’ Tikki told her. ‘But it will be worth it.’ She pressed her little palm under Marinette’s chin, making her raise it to look at her. ‘Just text him.’

‘And say what?’ Marinette snatched up the handset as another message sounded, hitting it automatically and tapping out a reply.

MDC ~ Alya, how do I just tell Adrien that I like him? I mean, I can’t just call him up and

say ‘hey hottie, you’re the best thing since sliced baguettes! Date me?’ And before you

suggest it no I can’t ask him to his face because derp happens!

She looked down at the display, her frustration making her pout…until she saw what, or rather who, she had replied to.

‘Shit!’ She threw the phone across the chaise where it sat and stared at her, a glowing testament to what she had just done.

‘What’s wrong?’ Tikki asked as Marinette glared at the handset as though it had bitten her.

‘Oh no. Ohnoohnoohnoohno.’ She reached out carefully and picked it up, looking at it in horror. ‘That wasn’t Alya I replied to, it was Adrien!’

‘What did you say?’ Tikki peered over her shoulder, biting her lip to keep from giggling. ‘Oops.’

‘I have to fix this!’ Marinette quickly typed another message.

MDC ~ ADRIEN IGNORE THIS MESSAGE!

‘Surely this way he now knows you’d like to date him?’ Tikki suggested as Marinette continued her flurry of taps.

‘That’s the worst thing that could happen!’

MDC ~ It was a joke, I didn’t mean it! I swear Alya took my phone!

‘That Adrien knows you have feelings for him?’ Her kwami’s confusion was evident in her voice.

‘Yes! It’s awful! Terrible! A disaster! Now he knows I like him!’

Now he knew she liked him. He just stared at his phone, not quite believing what he read. He even read it again, just to be sure. His lady liked him, Adrien. Wow this…suddenly made so much sense! He was the one she liked! He had been cockblocking himself as Chat Noir without even realising it!

He typed a reply.

‘He’s typing a reply!’ Marinette squealed, throwing the phone again, this time slamming a cushion on top of it for good measure.

‘You have to check it some time.’ Tikki told her softly, but Marinette shook her head rapidly.

‘No, I don’t. Maybe I should just throw the phone in the Seine, pretend it was stolen. Something, but not looking at it. Definitely not.’

The tone sounded again, muffled under the cushion and Tikki swept underneath it, pulling the phone out and holding it up to Marinette. ‘You know you have to check it eventually. Where’s that Ladybug courage?’

‘It doesn’t exist where Adrien is concerned.’ She mumbled as she took the phone from Tikki. ‘I hope he thought it was a joke.’

AA ~ How’s Friday at 8?

MDC ~ whut?

Marinette had replied without even thinking but when the phone rang in her hand with a picture of Adrien she threw the phone in the air with a yelp, bouncing it from hand to hand as she tried to catch it.

‘This is a joke, it’s Chloé, she’s taken Adrien’s phone and is making trouble, it’s not him, there’s no way it’s him!’ She finally grabbed the handset, managing to hit answer in the process, pulling a startled face as she realised she had no choice but to talk.

‘Hello?’ She said nervously.

‘Hey, Mari, just checking you got my last message?’ Adrien’s voice was pleasant in her ear and she sighed. He wasn’t mad, at least he didn’t sound it.

‘M-m-message? Did I get a message? Hahah!’ She stammered.

‘Yeah, did you?’ He asked hopefully. ‘I mean, you replied.’

‘I did, didn’t I?’ She pressed her palm to her forehead and cringed.

‘So, I just wanted to check. Are you free Friday? I’d love to take you to a movie. Maybe dinner before, if we can make time.’

‘Really?’ She said quietly, not daring to hope.

‘Really really.’

She was quiet for a moment, her brain not willing to let her process this fully, but her mouth took over anyway. ‘Okay.’

‘Great.’ She could hear the pleasure in his voice as he replied, picturing his smile perfectly. ‘I’ll see you at school tomorrow though, right?’

‘Right! You will!’ She said rapidly.

‘I’ll see you then. And, Mari?’

‘Yeah?’ She breathed a sigh at how he said her name.

‘I’m looking forward to it.’

‘Me too.’

They hung up, simultaneously dropping back, Marinette onto her chaise, Adrien onto his bed, sighing happily.

‘We’re going on a date!’

#miraculous #miraculous ladybug #miraculous fanfic #miraculous fan fic #MLB #mlb fanfiction #miraculous mumma #adrienette #adrien knows

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mini-pretzel · 6 years ago

Note

alright dude yea EVERY NUMBER FOR SWEETHEART ASKS

… what have i signed up for?

//cracks knuckles

grab a juice box, grab a snack.

we’ll be here for a while. what have i gotten myself into

1. Talk about your first love.

oh jesus. i actually recently found my old journal lol

from way back when. 2009 i think? i was 13 or some shit. jesus. ok. so my first love was actually over the internet.

yeah, i know. nowadays we’re spoiled with tinder n shit, but back in 2009, all we had was myspace and msn and i met this fucker on skype.

i was so ahead of my time.

anyway, it was october 25, 2009.

here’s a snippet from my journal entry:

well i met a guy on skype. he’s a month younger cause my b-day is on oct 14 and his is on nov 18. but i don’t mind it.

yoooo i was into younger guys even at 13, jfc hahhaa //kill me jk hmu

and then on the next page hahahhaa omg

december 2, 2009

well me and ___ are no longer together. well we never began. he broke my heart two times already. going in depression. please don’t bother. first love, ha!

omfg damn, two months. yeah, that lasted long. also old me: ur so dramatic lol

also i was a feisty lil fella, jeez.

2. What’s the most beautiful songs you’ve ever heard in your opinion?

this one

3. How’s your heart feeling right now?

a lil stressed. im like, hoping i can get through all of these questions without my computer crashing. pray 4 me.

4. What kind of self care is your favorite to do?

ok, first thing to note, i fucking love self care. like, too much if im honest.

baths with bubbles and nice smelling scents, lotions, a face mask, taking my time with washing my face and hair and putting on the cutest clothes after. also snacks, always snacks.

when im feeling like spending money: massage. full body. best thing ever. i treat myself to it at least once a year for my b-day.

5. What’s your skincare routine?

ok so i just got a new skincare line. it’s from nature republic. i have a cleanser, a toner and a moisturizer. it’s fairly simple (unlike 9 steps in korean ahhahha, but like i’ll probably get there in time) also i have a peel mask that smells like bananas that i put on twice a week to get rid of dead skin cells. oh and sometimes i do korean face masks, too.

6. How did you get to be so beautiful?

answered that q here

7. Do you have any stuffed animals?

NO! //hides them all away

8. Best trip you’ve ever been on?

thailand. my parents took me w/ them on their honeymoon.

lol idek why either. trust me.

i was just there for the swimming, riding elephants, getting food poisoning and downing two banana splits in one afternoon. good times.

9. Favorite thing about your room?

i live in a jungle. but also in an art gallery cause my mom buys paintings online and resells them, but it’s become such a habit for her they are literally EVERYWHEREE I CANNOT.

also sorry mom i keep forgetting to water the GAZILLION plants THAT YOU HAVE MOVED INTO MY ROOM FOR SOME REASON. they’ll be dead by the time ur home. srry ilyyyyy.

also tae hmu if u want some paintings. i got way too many.

10. Opinion on love?

dude. idk. i mean. it’s definitely not something one can describe easily or fully grasp.

im still waiting for my big love to come along, so like, we can talk about that when we get there.

otherwise, i’ll say this quote that i heard in a song:

give your heart, but keep your head.

11. Are you affectionate?

with certain people. im weird.

with some people im like no, don’t touch me pls. i bite and scratch.

and with others you cannot get them out of my death love grip.

12. Who do you look up to?

i look up to bts a lot. they’re doing a lot of good and they’re very respectable artists.

but i also look up to a lot of writers on here because i want to create worlds and writings like them. i won’t tag them cause rip them trying to find why i tagged them in this long ass post haha.

13. Favorite poet?

@psycho-slytherin

lol sorry bae

ur gonna have to scroll to find out why i tagged u. and then go red and yell at me. hahah.

i also like silentium! by Fyodor Tyutchev

also everything by pushkin (esp ‘i loved you’ fuck that one gets me every time). seriously. that man isn’t called the golden poet in our country for nothing.

i actually don’t read a lot of poetry nowadays unless its my own or my friends’

but im open to recommendations

14. Song that makes you happy? How about one that calms you down when you’re in a bad place?

answered here!

15. Do you play an instrument?

lol no. i was almost taught the piano (lol rip me, i wanna kill my younger lazy ass self) and i dabbled into learning the violin. but that’s like a whole story and a half hahahaha.

16. Do you do art? Using what (pencil, watercolor, etc)?

i used to pencil draw, nothing special tho. a lot of naked ppl lol. butts n boobs were my fave. also pecks whoo.

17. Do you dance? What style of dance?

i don’t! but i want to. i’ve been looking into dancing schools. i might do hip hop n stuff. see if i have the rhythm, i can’t tell from just jumping around my room lol

18. What’s your zodiac sign? Do you believe in astrology?

im a libra yo. diplomatic and indecisive af.

i kinda do? there’s some sense there, but it’s too vague. i think ppl need to look into their charts to really grasp their character.

and for some it may not be true at all, so like. idk. we’re all just doing our best here.

19. Favorite old film?

a russian film that i always watch over the new year. my mom would always joke that the new year doesn’t start till we watch it lol

the irony of fate

20. What’s your hairstyle?

idk

tell

21. What weather is the most beautiful, in your opinion?

cloudy but warm. so there’s not too much sun but u can enjoy a nice walk outside without getting rained on.

22. What upsets you most about the world?

i only have two hands but there are so many cats and dogs. i cannot pet all of them.

23. Are you in love right now?

answered ;)

24. Do you have a crush? If so, talk about them!

here u go

25. Do you have pets? Talk about something sweet about them!

i don’t! but i wish i did i would shower them with my love.

but @the-trth-untold dogs are the cutest and @psycho-slytherin cats make my day. pls spam meeeee. also i love @paristae cat too.

26. Do you have a lucky number?

yup. 22.

27. Have you ever wished on a star? What about on a fallen eyelash?

i’ve never seen a fallen star, so no.

but i’ve wished on a fallen eyelash, always.

28. Do you believe emoji spells to work?

emoji spells??

bruh i’ve never even heard of it till this ask wtf is that shit

bruh i mean if it works for ppl all power to them??? idk i never tried it

29. Do you believe in magic in general?

i believe in magic tricks. but magic died for me when santa stopped existing.

30. What’s the most beautiful thing in life, In your opinion?

here

31. Opinion on the color pink? What about baby blue?

gorgeous colors. i quite like mauve pink and deep dark blue tho.

but baby blue looks amazing on some folks. oof.

32. What instrumental sound is your favorite?

piano. always.

33. Do you like the sound of wind? What about the sound of rain?

answered :)

34. Who makes you happy?

bts and all of my mutuals

35. What makes you happy?

sleep, food, music, writing, cuddles. and forehead kisses.

also more listed here

36. Imagine your ideal life, the life you wish to make, what will that look like?

i live in a nice apartment. doesn’t have to be expensive, just nice and clean with wooden floors and spacious windows.

i have all the necessities that i need and im never lonely.

i have also touched countless hearts by my books and am able to live comfortably just from my works.

haha. you said ideal, right?

also have someone to spend it with. someone i’d write poetry about daily. a bestfriend first and foremost before a lover.

37. Do you wear makeup? If so what’s your favorite type of makeup or specific makeup product? Favorite store to buy makeup?

answered this fella here

38. Do you wear dresses? If so what’s your favorite dress you own?

i used to have dresses. but not anymore.

i liked the long sleeve sweater black one i had with a low cut. it was gorgeous. i dont have much of boobage but i always felt like i was sexy in it.

39. Ever been heartbroken? How do you deal with it?

yep. you just kind of take it one day at a time. some days will be better than the last. some days you’ll cry a little harder and some days you move on a little further. it takes time. make sure you have good people around you so you don’t fall into depression.

40. Who’s your closest friend? What do you love about them?

ah, to be honest i don’t have a closest friend. i’ve always been the kind of person that always had friends around her but never anyone too deep. and i kinda wish i did. i just don’t know who would come to fill that spot. people always leave, so i kind of gave up assigning that spot. i think the people that want to be in that spot will show themselves and tell me. otherwise i will not assume or assign.

41. Introvert or extrovert?

introvert. but i have my moments. i can be charming and friendly when i want to.

42. Do you like MBTI? What’s your MBTI?

i had to look it up cause i forgot what it was lol

i took the test a while back: im infp.

there’s not a lot of us, apparently. which is cool. shout out to all infps out there!

43. Would you be a fairy, a mermaid, a vampire, a siren, or an angel?

hmmm. what kind of fairy tho? lol

maybe vampire? idk i’d be a sexy immortal lady that’d bite innocent boys and girls that just want to have a good time lol

44. What’s the best song a friend has ever introduced to you?

this oneee

45. Parlez-vous français?

no~

46. Most beautiful place you’ve been to?

butchart gardens

47. Where/when do you truly feel at home?

here

48. Does smiling put you in a better mood? Try it right now, you’re smile is gorgeous!

kdjfalkfjdlkdsaf //hides

this ask is flirting with me…

well that’s as much action as im going to get this new years eve lol

49. Favorite shoe you own?

my sweet rose gold kicks, yo.

50. Can you walk in stilettos? Do you like them?

lol no. i cannot. and i do not. im not made for heels. im tall enough as it is.

51. Do you feel loved?

every time i talk to my mutuals yes //cry

52. How do you express love to those you care about?

by saying cute words and by clinging to them like a koala.

53. Favorite term(s) of endearment?

sweetheart, dear, idk im just like anything honestly. love, baby. go crazy.

i also love mean terms like idiot and stuff. or nicknames that hold inside jokes, something between the two of you only.

54. Most romantic thing someone’s ever done for you?

hasn’t happened yet. so yeah. any takers? lol

55. When is the happiest you’ve ever been?

reading a good book for the first time. or just experiencing something new that i end up loving for the first time. nothing can replace that first feeling.

56. Are you happy right now?

happy im almost done hahhahahahaa. ha.

no but srsly i am

57. What makes you smile?

stupid jokes. puns. someone laughing and showing themselves fully.

58. Do you laugh a lot?

i mean. i think so? i try. i make jokes a lot and laugh at myself if that counts?

59. What’s your favorite kind of aesthetic?

ughhhh comfy bf aestheticcc

60. Do you want to marry for love or for some other reason (like money)?

i have a sour view on marriage. so only if i love someone hard enough. but even then i don’t know if i’ll do it. it hurts too much to think about marriage and wedding rings for me.

61. What would your dream wedding look like? Do you want to get married?

see above.

62. Favorite flower?

orchid.

63. Favorite artist?

claude monet.

64. Favorite music artist?

bts lol

no surprises there.

65. How kind do you think you are? Is kindness important to you?

its not something for me to decide. i try to be kind to everyone, but how it is interpreted is different for everyone. i’d like to think i’m kind.

and yes, very important. especially being kind to yourself.

66. Ever made a playlist for someone?

yes i have. i love making playlists for people. i don’t get asked that enough.

67. Do you have anything you do to physically comfort you when your sad? Such as a favorite blanket? Or a relaxing bath?

music. music always helps. and tea.

ideally i’d love for someone to massage my scalp, but hahah no one’s been able to do it the right way. when it’s done right i melt and forget about everything.

68. Early bird or night owl?

night owl.

moonchild, lol

69. Morning routine?

wake up, look in the mirror, look away from the mirror, go back to bed.

70. Night routine?

SHOWER N NICE SMELLING LOTIONS. AND SKINCAREEEEEE OOOOF.

also fresh sheets.

71. What is the most lovely quality a person could have in your opinion?

answered here

72. Do you cry often? Does crying help you get the emotions out? Do you feel better after?

i only cry when i watch or read something. and it does help. i always feel better after. but i tend to keep my emotions hidden away, the negative ones at least.

73. Do you like hugs?

i love hugs. come hug me, bro.

u must smell nice tho.

74. When was the last time you kissed someone?

august.

75. Are you small or tall?

tall. 175cm.

76. Do you like wholesome memes?

answered

77. Favorite thing about the past?

cd players. chia pet commercials. flip phones. mom jeans.

78. Do you ever wonder about the future?

all the time. esp mine. i have no idea what the fuck im doing.

79. Have you ever lived in a different country than you currently live in?

yep. i’ve lived in america and canada before. and traveled a lot.

80. Do you like plane flights? Airports?

i don’t mind flying. and depends on the airport. some are better than others.

81. Sunrises or sunsets?

sunrises. every day is a new day~

82. The beach or a forest?

bitch- i mean beach. :)

83. What time of day do you tend to be in the best mood?

any time i am eating. or sleeping. or reading.

im so close to being done omg. this is fun tho.

84. Do you push yourself to act together and in a good mood even when you aren’t?

always. ain’t nobody gonna deal with that baggage lol

85. Favorite kind of tree?

japanese maple tree

86. Do you care about the health of the Earth?

i mean i don’t even care about my health that much tbh, i need to work on that.

87. What did you like most about your childhood, if anything?

that i got to travel and learned english very young.

88. Do you read a lot? What’s your favorite book?

answered here

89. What are you most nostalgic for at the moment?

old school disney

90. What’s your favorite personality trait you have?

answered this bad boi here

91. List at least ONE thing you love about your appearance.

eyes. have to work on my ass tho. squats baby.

92. When was the last time you truly felt calm, without much of anything to worry about?

after a massage.

93. Do you worry a lot?

eh, i worry enough, i suppose. there’s just some stuff you can’t control.

94. The dazzling lights of the city or the relaxing countryside?

dazzling lights of the city. especially in the evening. and in the winter. ahhhhh. someone hold my hand and walk with meeeeee.

95. Ever changed the shoelaces on one of your shoes? For what reason?

no i haven’t had that pleasure, lol

maybe next year

96. Favorite pastry?

BUTTER. CROISSANT.

97. Do you like doing little acts of kindness?

yes. uwu

98. How’s your day/night going?

well im finally done with this ask holy shit, and i need to resume writing my namjoon fic so… fantastic. i also have noodles. whoooo.

thank you for reading this whole damn mess of an ask.

ily

#ask #asks #the-trth-untold #klsfjflksa #omg i can't believe i did all of that #holy shit #lkdsjflkda #about #seriously

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ai-wandering-mind · 3 years ago

Text

Issues/Events Related to the Course

Divided but Unconquered – The One(s) That Touched me the Most

What I mean but ‘undivided but unconquered’ is actually how personally, I am intrigued with a lot of the issues discussed in this course and my heart goes to all the different and varying issues but at the same time, I don’t think I have fully mastered any of them -- which is nothing new to me, actually.

I got overwhelmed by the amount of videos to watch, but they are indeed very helpful to broaden my understanding of a topic we’re dissecting for the course.

There were a few videos that I still somewhat remember.

Ethiopia's Black Gold : By Antoine Lindley

This ‘Black Gold’ completely threw me off my chair. It is not that I initially thought there is such a thing as gold in black, but the way the video introduced this and showcasing how beautiful coffee is in some cultures. I was vaguely aware of coffee being a part of a culture prior to watching the video -- to have it explained in such a beautiful way was nice.

It reminds me of the ways in Malaysia. We have a lot of natural resources -- spices, raw materials etc. -- that had attracted the colonies, changing how the locals can access to these things and the way we treat them. If before this agriculture was to sustain a living, for trade purposes, it has changed as well to something that can help sustain the nation as a whole and everyone else -- through job opportunities, enabling creative and innovative thinking in the ways of agriculture and varying the products and so on.

So firstly, the video was a gentle and sweet reminder for me that some mundane items are part of an existing culture somewhere in this world. Next, their ways with things and access to their own sources having changed reminds me of Malaysia’s own experience.

Uh, did I do this part right, I wonder? My thought process just went on choosing any videos/topics that I remember most, and how they reminded me of certain things.

Moving on!

10 Tahun Sebelum Merdeka (2007)

Oh this was a beautiful video. Documentary. It had the old folks sharing their own experiences -- made me tear up especially because that has been over a decade and some of them...have probably passed.

The thing about YouTube videos is that the comments section is a constant gamble hahah. Either the comments are absolute trolls and nonsensical or complete wisdom and extra knowledge shared by other strangers on the internet. One user commented how sad it is that these old folks fought for UMNO and solidarity and not all of the youth today would know of them. Some also mentioned how students are being deceived in school with quite some parts of the history not revealed in the textbooks, not taught in schools.

Personally, I have mixed feelings about such opinions. Depending on the teacher and the way it is taught, students would be aware that there is more to things than just the textbooks. History enthusiasts such as I was back in Form 2, would try finding out more about the nation’s history.

I read a book about Shamsiah Fakeh, a communist but also a person who loved her people. It was for a PBS task assigned by our history teacher (Pentaksiran Berdasarkan Sekolah), where we were told to make a pamphlette about a historical figure. I made an informative pamhplette about Shamsiah Fakeh and got called by our teacher to the front for some hushed conversation.

He understood my view and admiration in the figure. He also took the time to explain about leff and right spectrums of political parties. How it is safer to focus on the right spectrum at our age, how left spectrums is not always good nor always bad, the same with the other spectrum. All in all, the one point, I understood that the way the textbooks are written, the way history was taught to us was first and foremost to help instill in us that it is important to fight for our land and rights but also to not resort to extreme ideologies as how the leftists often ended up doing.

The left and right spectrum is a tricky topic to tackle to be honest. So I will not elaborate too much on it. Though I am tempted to put up more information and thoughts in this blog later.

I thank that teacher for not berating me nor accusing me of admiring an ambiguous figure -- even taking the opportunity to educate us on perspectives and reasonings.

Anyway, this has been a long post hahah. I hope I was able to convey out my thoughts that people are able to understand this.

(back to masterlist)

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natkat-140 · 6 years ago

Text

National Coming Out Day

I’ve always known that I was attracted to women. I grew up with a lot of my girlfriends saying things like “omg I would become lesbian for Angelina Jolie” or like “that girl in our math class is so hot, if I was into girls I’d date her.” As a teen, I heard about girls making out with other girls, and it was just a thing that happened. Like, straight girls making out with other straight girls. It felt like it was commonplace for straight women to be sexually attracted to women. (What?) Five, ten, and fifteen years later, I found out that most of those friends of mine who said those things ended up coming out as lesbian or bisexual. Haha. Anyways, at the time though, even though I was attracted to women, I saw my “straight” friends saying that they were attracted to women, and I was like oh ok, I guess I’m straight too.

Additionally, most of the time I wasn’t as attracted to women as I was to men, so I felt like I couldn’t rightfully claim to be bisexual. Some days I liked women more than men, some days I didn’t like women at all. I thought that it had to be fifty/fifty or nothing. I didn’t want to say I was bisexual when those feelings towards women were often less-than, and sometimes absent.

Over the last year or so, I had done a lot more research about the queer community and what different labels meant and how I could be a better ally, because, you know, I was straight. I found myself closely identifying with certain descriptions, and light bulbs popped up when I read about how sexuality is a spectrum, and that sexual attraction can be fluid. And while I mostly have been attracted to cis men and women, I’ve also found myself being attracted to transgender actors - both male-to-female and female-to-male - and people who identify as non-binary or gender fluid. I’m still figuring out what the proper labels would be for how I identify, and experience will help with that. I’ve never had a relationship with a person that wasn’t a cis male, so I’m open to learning more about myself. But for now, I say that I am bi+ / pansexual (TL;DR description is basically that I don’t discriminate romantic, emotional, or sexual attraction based on what body parts a person was born with or what gender, if any, they identify as.)

I had really, really wanted to go to Pride events this past summer. I wanted to be a part of all the joy and love and support and wonderful togetherness of the queer community. I even showed up to a couple of them, but because I wasn’t fully “out,” I felt like a fraud. My guilt and anxiety and shame got the best of me so I left the events after only 20 minutes or so of being there. How can I be proud when I’m not out? How can I claim that I have pride when I’m too scared to tell my parents? How can I come to this kind of event and disrespect all these wonderful humans who ARE out, who DID face their fears, who CAN be proud of their actions; how can I stand beside them and pretend that I’m one of them?

Elana Rubin wrote a lovely little piece on celebrating when you’re not out, which you can read in its entirety here, but I’m including this excerpt now:

“You should remember that just because you're not "out," you're no less queer or no less deserving of a space in the community. If you identify somewhere along the LGBTQ+ spectrum, Pride Month is just as much yours as anyone else's – there are no certifications to prove your queerness to gain celebrating a month that is simply yours. So don't feel pressured or the need to come out in order to be "validated" to celebrate Pride Month. Just being yourself warrants celebration enough during this monthlong appreciation of queer folk, so you should join in however feels comfortable to you.”

I wish I had read that before today!

My coming out experience has been over a long time. First, I casually came out to some of my friends here and there over the last year or so.

A friend would ask “So, have you met any guys lately?” referring to my dating life.

I’d answer “No, I haven’t met any guys, no ladies either.”

“Hah… wait so you like girls?”

“Yeah. And guys too.”

“Oh. Cool. Where do you wanna get lunch?”

I was glad that it didn’t have to always be this big spectacle. Not to say that my sexual identity wasn’t important to me, but it took a lot of pressure off of me to be able to just mention it rather than have like a formal meeting with people individually or to come out to everyone all at once over Facebook.

I came out to both of my brothers a few weeks ago. Honest to goodness, I thought they both already knew or at least had some inclination that I wasn’t entirely straight. I was nervous to tell them. Not because of fear that they wouldn’t accept me or love me; I knew for a damned fact that they would fully, unequivocally support me and love me, just as I would them. I was probably nervous because it meant that I was one step closer to telling my parents, which I actually was scared to do. Telling my brothers went just as well as expected and they expressed their love and support and it was wonderful and they are wonderful.

I shared this information on a Saturday night in-person with one brother, and on Sunday afternoon with the other over the phone because he lives far away. When I was done with the phone call, I was at home reflecting on how well the interactions went with both of them and how excited I was to tell my therapist that I came out to them and then I was suddenly overcome with a fucking weird-ass mix of panic and relief and regret. Yeah, I was really confused about what I was feeling. I sobbed and sobbed and screamed into my pillow and I got up and grabbed my keys to leave and then realized I shouldn’t drive so I threw my keys across the room and I cried more and I stood there alone in my room, frantically looking around for help, and actually yellied out-loud “help me!”

I don’t know who the fuck I thought I was talking to or what kind of help I needed, but I was freaking out. I thought about calling some of my queer friends and asking them for help, but again, I didn’t know what the fuck I needed. Like what would I say? “I had a really positive and personal experience with two of the four people in my life who love me the very most and they still love me the very most and it was awesome and nothing bad happened! Wahh!” Hahah, yeah. Basically. I dunno. Anyways I cried for like 2 hours and then I was fine. I can’t even imagine what I would have felt if it hadn’t gone well.

Coming out to my parents was something I had talked to my therapist about, and he helped me feel comfortable about not telling them until I was really ready. I had also considered not coming out to them unless I became seriously involved with someone who didn’t identify as a cis-man. After a little while, though, I realized that I want to continue having a close relationship with my parents, and that I wanted to be able to be my full, true self with them, so I decided that I would tell them, at some point, soonish. I had planned on having a session with my therapist where we talked about how I should approach it and what kind of steps I should take to prepare for it and what positive coping strategies I should have in place in case it didn’t go well and it was going to be this whole, well-thought-out production. That didn’t end up happening at all!

Yesterday I picked up my dad from the airport. When I dropped him off at home, we were about to hug goodbye, and I felt this strong urge to blurt out “I’M BISEXUAL!” Fortunately, I had the self-restraint to NOT do that, lol. I told him there was something I wanted to talk to him about and then I felt like I had to vomit and then I started back-peddling and thinking of other things I could talk to him about that would warrant me saying that I wanted to talk to him about it so that I wouldn’t have to talk to him about me being bisexual. I had considered how I thought he might react. I thought that most likely, he would just say “ok,” not be able to look me in the eye, tell me he would pray for me, and then maybe avoid talking about it ever again. I thought maybe, maybe, it would be possible that he would get mad and disappointed and ask God why and ask me how I could do this do him and at the end he’d tell me it was ok because he knew it was just a phase and that I’d come to my senses soon enough. I dunno, I had never really talked to my dad about how he felt about queer people. I’ve never heard him explicitly condemn that lifestyle, but he is Catholic, and I used to be Catholic, and I know what the Catholic church teaches about queer lifestyles.

He invited me into his house and told me to have a seat while he put some things away. I walked in and looked at the chair which was way too far away from the door that I thought I’d have to bolt out of when he didn’t take the news well. I didn’t sit down. He put some things away, came back out, and again said “have a seat.” I didn’t, and I walked closer to the door. I told him, “I thought you should know, I’m not entirely straight.” He nodded his head and said gently and sweetly, “Okay.” I kept going, trying to do prophylactic damage control, explaining how I’ve known this for a long time and it doesn’t change who I am and I still feel the same about relationships and love and intimacy and it doesn’t make me a bad person and - before I could even get like, halfway through what I was going to say, I’m guessing he saw my eyes constantly shifting and avoiding his gaze and he heard my voice starting to tremble and that I was tripping over my words and he placed his hand on my shoulder and said very reassuringly, “nana, it’s okay, God made you the way you’re supposed to be, and I love you for being you.” wHAT! Oh. OH! He hugged me and said “I love you” and I was overwhelmed with pleasant surprise and relief that he not only still loved me but also accepted that this was a part of who I am and I started crying and I said “thank you” and he said “no, you never need to thank me for loving you.” Which totally didn’t make me cry more.

I figured since I came out to my dad unexpectedly, I should probably tell my mom too. I went over to her house and I told her there was something I wanted to talk to her about. She told me this worried her. I assured her everything was fine and we could talk about it later. We chatted and laughed and she gave me some pumpkin spiced rum and a pair of shoes (thanks mom!). We both had appointments that we had to leave for, so it was a little bit rushed, but when we were hugging goodbye I told her, “Mom, I’m bisexual. I thought you should know.” She looked at me blankly for about 2 seconds, then her face lit up, and she said “you like girls?!?” I laughed, said “yeah, and guys.” She frowned, and said, “isn’t that too much?” I laughed again, and then she laughed, and said “Okay banano, you can’t change who you are and I still love you. Just don’t date anyone shitty, I don’t want to see you crying unless they’re tears of joy. Does your dad know?” I told her about our interaction and she was stoked just like I was.

I wasn’t as nervous about telling my mom because she’s always had gay and lesbian friends, and I was living with her back when Prop 8 was a thing, and we talked about gay rights when she had seen me gearing up with “NO on 8” signs to go protest it. I still certainly felt like I should prepare for her to not be stoked, though, because like my dad, she is also Catholic. Both of my parents probably grew up being taught that being anything but straight was wrong and punishable by an eternity in hell. I figured my mom would likely accept it, but that there still might be the possibility of her being like “yeah I’m okay with my friends being queer, but not my own daughter.” But like my dad, my mom is rad. And I am stoked.

However, I completely recognize how unbelievably fortunate I am to have such loving and supportive family and friends. So, SO many people are not anywhere near as fortunate. Not everyone who wants to come out can do so safely. Not everyone who does come out is welcomed with love and support. Which is why visibility and community and allies are so important. Sharing intimate details may not be for everyone, and that’s completely fine. But, I will say, that when I’ve learned about others’ personal lives and certain details about them (most relevantly, regarding sexual orientation and mental health issues), it has helped me. It helped me feel less alone and more empowered, which is why I’ve been sharing about mine these past two days. It’s a funny coincidence that yesterday was mental health day and today was coming out day, and those two have played a large part in my life lately.

Anyways, the following websites / accounts may be helpful for those queer people who feel isolated or unsafe or who need assistance after coming out.

https://www.thetrevorproject.org

https://www.pride.com/

https://www.hrc.org/

https://www.aclu.org/

https://www.glaad.org/

http://www.pflag.org/

http://www.noh8campaign.com/

https://itgetsbetter.org/

Instagram:

@queertraffic

@operationwarmwishes

#nationalcomingoutday #comingout #queer #queerpride #lgbtq #lgbtqpride #bisexual #bisexualpride #pansexual #pansexualpride #comingoutday #national coming out day #coming out #queer pride #lgbtq pride #bisexual pride #pansexual pride #coming out day

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somma-chronicles-blog · 7 years ago

Text

Chapter 1

“Could I offer you some more tea?”

“Oh, yes please! This is a wonderfully fragrant brew, what did you say was in it again?”

Master Li and Sandro were discussing the intricacies of tea, while waiting to for the water to cool. Most folk commonly drank tea made straight from the leaves and freshly boiled water, but at SOMMA tea was always prepared with some semblance of ceremony. This young man was unlike most, for males of his age were not usually so cultured. Sandro was a tall, fresh faced young man, barely 20, who had heard of the society during one of the Scholars’ Guild festivals. A practitioner of traditional karate, he was not restricted by trappings of style, though he still adhered to his original form. He was dedicated to personal training and showed promise, although the seemingly endless supply of Master Li’s tea could be part of the reason he attended so frequently. Upon sampling a signature blend, he was enchanted by the most popular brew Solomon Li offered his society members.

“Well Sandro, there’s not much secret to this brew, but the trick lies in how best to use the jasmine leaves along with the chrysanthemum. Jasmine has a wonderfully fragrant scent, but overused it will conflict with other flavours. Chrysanthemum is earthier, but can easily overpower delicate senses. It’s a good tea for us though, considering our activities hahah!” Seeing that Sandro did not immediately grasp his last comment, Solomon continued,

“I’m our chief healer here, and that means I need to be looking out for our health. Injuries will require treatment, or even first aid should they be severe enough, but in addition to tui na (that’s Chinese medial massage), I also want to look after everyone’s general well being. Prophylactic Chinese herbs and food cures is part of that, so chrysanthemum has virtues which help with circulation as well as internal controls. Of course, I’d recommend a green tea for tissue damage, but that’s another story.”

The young man sipped his tea, and nodded politely; Solomon did have a tendency to carry on with lectures. A good thing for a teacher, but not always so convenient for casual conversation. Sandro returned them to the topic of tea, where the correct temperatures were brought up. Solomon was quite impressed with the boy’s existing knowledge, although they had spent some time debating caffeine levels. Many who did not grow up with traditional tea drinking were often surprised to hear that White tea, not black, contained the most caffeine. In fact, an American student who had been part of SOMMA a few years ago almost challenged the master’s credentials. Realising that his caffeine scale was the reverese of Solomon’s was almost disconcerting, but a quick fact check online revealed that the latter’s status as tea master was well deserved. Sandro demonstrated much more grace, and both were happy to affirm their mutual love of teas. However, the duties of a coordinator are never ceasing, and Solomon could not stay in one area of the training hall for too long.

“You’ve worked hard tonight, help yourself to as much tea as you like, I’ll float around the training hall.”

“Thank you very much again, I’m alright, I’ll go and do more training in a moment too!”

Visibly pleased at the young man’s commitment, Solomon migrated to a boy, barely 18, and the vigorous woman holding an impact shield pad for him. Young Kyle, along with his mother Shirley, though Solomon would have accepted her as the boy’s sister; she had remarkable vitality and still looked to be in her late 20’s. Both had studied martial arts before, accomplished in the eclectic skills of kempo karate. They were likable and extremely helpful, always on time and eager to assist with setting up or packing away the training room. Kyle had been practicing the move introduced to him that evening, the internal palm strike. Palms and fists are essential for anyone to know, though the variety available could be simplified as those that strike on the surface of contact, which were known as external strikes, and those which continued to penetrate past the point of contact, internal strikes. Experienced fighters could change their strike to fit the situation, but as Kyle was new at the technique he focused much more attention on correctly applying his energy sequence. With an exhale, he moved in and slammed his palm against the pad. Nice sounds were made upon contact, but Solomon immediately recognized how the move was not executed as smoothly as possible. The boy and his mother noticed Master Li watching, and shifted their focus towards him.

“Very good Kyle! I didn’t mean to pry, but hard work always gets my attention hahah! May I try holding the pad?”

Taking the impact shield, he carefully analysed Kyle’s initial sequences. He’s still quite stiff, Solomon realized, and the energy is unfocused. Power comes from the Earth, but he’s trying to push the palm with just his upper body.

“Okay young man, I need you to take a breather for a moment. Relax your arms, swing your hips! Now try it again, and when you make contact with the pad don’t stop there- you want to hit through your target afterall!”

Observing once more, he noticed that Kyle was trying to pay more attention to his body, but in doing so the energy he channeled was meeting with resistance. After tell the boy to breathe out fully and move into the shield, a clean rush of energy was released from his hand. The boy had managed to move his energy cleanly, and the internal momentum produced a very solid shock wave through the pad. Switching the pad back to Shirley, Kyle continued practicing as Jakov watched. Feeling the obvious improvement, she asked Solomon

“Oh, could you demonstrate for us? He’s doing a lot better now, I want to see it’s similar to your force.”

“Hahah! I would be delighted to, but there’s always the chance I will blow him away. Instead, let me give you something better. Jakov! Can you give me a hand!?”

Solomon yelled across to Jakov, who was training on the other side of the room. He was practicing his swordsmanship, visualizing the opponent as he slashed through the air. Upon hearing his name, he put down the wooden sword, or bokken, and headed over.

“Forgive me for interrupting your practice Jakov, but Kyle and his mother have been diligently practicing their palm strikes. I think you will be much better than they are, you execute it much better than I could hahah!”

The other 3 were amused to hear it, for it was difficult to imagine that Solomon was truly as unaccomplished as he claimed. None the less Jakov indulged him, and as Kyle held the pad, he began to sink his stance in preparation. Although Solomon was joking with the others, he had trained Jakov in this particular move with great detail. It was not a unique move to Bajiquan, for palms were universal techniques, but all the foundational power training tailored for the Chinese martial art added lethal depths to the palm strike. The shield crumpled upon the impact, and Kyle was forced to take several steps back, clearly feeling the force carry through to his spine!

“Excellent Jakov, thank you for holding back!” Solomon beamed at the SOMMA executive.

Having made a literal impression upon the mother and son, Solomon left the club president with them to answer further questions. They were interested to know how he was capable of producing such power. Jakov explained how it was important to keep the upper body relaxed, and to not forget stance work. A stable foundation was vital to draw energy from the ground and smooth bodily transmission of force would allow the energy to not become dissipated by the time it was released through the palm. He stayed with them, holding the pad as they both took turns fine tuning their strike, offering guidance as Solomon had done when they practiced together.

Meanwhile the ground mats were occupied by Yin Lun and Shanon. If Oscar was said to have an advantage over Yin lun on the ground, a similar gap existed within the skill levels of Yin lun and Shanon. The latter was a childhood friend of Jakov and Tim, and had some training in martial arts as a child. Unlike his friends he did not continue it much as a teenager, but was a fan of professional mixed martial arts and could discuss the relevant professionals with Oscar. He had steadily been improving his physical fitness and could copy most of the basic moves used in mixed martial arts quite passably, though his passion lay in Brazilian jiujutsu; he had been formally trained for the last month or so, and was coming along nicely thanks to the ‘tutelage’ of Oscar and Yin Lun. It was not an enviable position, for both of them were firm believers of giving no quarter in training, but Shanon had been improving at a pleasing rate and to his credit had never complained. Yin lun was considerably smaller than Shanon, but pound for pound he was likely stronger with much more experience in general, not just in jiujutsu. Currently holding the bigger man at bay with his legs, the two took on a slower pace as they tried to actualize the theory behind their techniques. A familiar voice was directed at the two,

“Keep your guard tight, if something doesn’t work then look for other options!” Oscar had arrived, and immediately began offering tips. The ground-fighters listened without losing focus, each determined to maintain their positions. Eventually Yin Lun’s precision tactics won out in the battle of attrition, and though he struggled Shanon soon tapped out to a triangle choke. Yin lun released his legs, and the other man lay in a heap, concentrating on rapid shallow breaths to stop his head from spinning. Blood circulation was disrupted due to the nature of the submission, and he waited for his body to reorient its bearings.

“Nice job Shannon, I was almost worried that the choke wasn’t working.” Yin lun was also catching his breath, aware that with Oscar’s arrival a new opponent would soon enter the space. He wasn’t wrong. After Oscar gave some feedback to the guys, he joined in, and proceeded to submit both of them. Several times. In rather quick succession. Naturally a small crowd of onlookers gathered around. One of the newer members, a young girl, was being introduced to the concept of ground fighting, and was particularly impressed.

“Does he always finish them so quickly?” she asked Master Li, who laughed and replied amusedly.

“Only if he feels like it!” This response elicited further chuckling amongst the spectators.

Some sights will always be a constant at SOMMA; watching Oscar’s skill and valor dominating his opponent would hopefully stay one of them.

#Chapter 1

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