#And as Dolph would say: “It's about damn time!”

[wrestlezaynia]

The WWE fandom after discovering Sh*ttle has been released:

[serjthejerk]

☆ STAY ALIVE

Cw! Angst, Vague injure description, Fluff, Memory flashing

Words: 2.1k

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“Hm, and if I were to tell you, would you stop asking?” Bullfrog queried, a tone of amusement resting in his voice.

A sly grin crawled on my face as I spoke.

“Maybe.”

Last mission, I had saved Bullfrog's ass by acting as a distraction for his target. The bodyguard had almost caught him amid his attack, I made the large feline look at me in confusion instead of discovering my fellow teammate.

With swift precision, he landed his attack on the back of the feline’s throat. Dropping him silently before he had the chance to register why I was trespassing in the area. Bullfrog muttered a sentence in French before dashing. A sentence that he refused to mutter again.

A defeated sigh escaped him, his eyes becoming interested in the blank ground in between us. Making one last bashful look cast to the side, he met my gaze.

“Come on Bullfrog, you’ve been doing this for months now, you can’t be too surprised that I am questioning you now. Hell, if anything, I should’ve questioned you sooner!” I quipped, letting my grin settle into a smirk.

Over the months of being together as team “Ghost”, we’ve all grown closer. Learning tidbits about each other lives and showing companionship when someone is downed. We’ve all settled in our ‘groups’. Dolph leaned towards remaining by himself while Pey’j and Jade were usually carried in a conversation, attempting to involve Dolph whenever they could. Me and Bullfrog usually stayed with each other. Of course, we all talked to each other and never void someone of interaction but most times the night ends with small idle chit chat between bullfrog and I.

I’ve grown attached to my amphibian friend, we just seem to mesh well together. Our banter, our hidden glances at each other, and even when we just sat in serene silence dozing into each other's eyes, we just seemed to fit snugly together like two spoons.

If you told me I would be in jail, falling for my “jail mate” months ago, I wouldn’t believe you. I was fine alone. I thought I was fine alone.

Being around Bullfrog and parting with him makes me notice the inconspicuous yearning I felt wherever we were away. The constant tug would only be cured once I’ve heard or seen him again. Heaven forbid if he has to leave me alone again.

In between missions, I slowly picked up some of his quirks. I picked up some French sayings in return for minute tasks he’d assign.

Sometimes I would pick up when he would praise me, other times his words fell on baffled ears. But one thing for certain, I knew what he meant when he said,

“Je t’adore.”

The frog looked away, clearing his throat. Nervousness starting to gnaw at him.

“Oh really? And what does that mean, hm?” I knew damn well what he meant. But for a change, I wanted to tease him like he likes to tease me.

“Listen, I’m sorry. I should’ve said it when the mission was over, it was immature of me. I was just overcome with emotions and-“ I hold my hand up, silencing Bullfrog.

“That wasn’t the question, Bullfrog. What does it mean? Cause I’m sure as hell that it doesn’t mean ‘I like you’.” I smugly debate in a soft voice. It’s obvious that we have feelings for each other. It was just a matter of who would tell who first.

Bullfrog gave me a pleading glance, before continuing.

“Forgive me if I’ve read what we have wrong but,” He pauses, looking at the floor “It means I love you.”

With my smugness faltering, my arms spring into action and hug him.

“I love you too” My smile was hidden in his clothes, the joy of having your feelings returned bubbling up in my stomach.

After some seconds, I let him go. My body yearned for him even more.

“So what should we do for a first date then?” I asked.

“I suppose we could ask for a mission together. Maybe Sarah would let us fight together.”

“That’s a pretty badass first date.”

“Oui. Although I’m more of a romantic, it would be the best we could do. I would insist on taking you home and making you something, however, a shock interrupting us amidst our dinner would not feel good.”

“True. But what if….I’m into shocking?” I giggled. I knew how foolish that sounded and I couldn’t help but chuckle about it.

An amused expression settled onto Bullfrog. “Then I suppose, I should learn to like it”

My giggle turned into laughter.

—-

“I’m sorry, mon cœur but I cannot help you.” Bullfrog crossed his arms, closing his eyes while I pleaded to him.

“C’monnn, it would be like so cool if you just, let me aid you.” I begged. Previously, we had been talking about living arrangements. He settled with once we all break out of this bland, mission going hell, me and bullfrog would live with each other. To make ends meet, I would be doing my regular work and helping Bullfrog if he would let me.

“You can give me puppy eyes all you want, however my point still remains. My job is dangerous and I work best alone.”

I purse my lips into a pout, I knew he was right but I hate to admit it.

“True….however I can hack-“

“Aht. It would be easier on my heart to know that you’re safe, mon chéri.” His gaze met my pleading one, his eyes filled with adoration. “Besides, I would probably spend all mission ensuring you’re okay rather than working.”

Defeated, I added, “At least it would make for a cool date.”

We both looked at each other, grins cracking onto our faces before breaking into a laughing fit.

Who knew you would find heaven in hell?

—-

“Are you fucking stupid? I can see you, Y/n. ” Sarah in all her cyborg glory spewed out.

With caution, I crept on the side of the wall, making full eye contact with the assassin behind her. I watched as he positioned himself, getting ready to pounce at any moment. With bated breath, I watched until he finally winked at me; the signal to attack.

Without any caution, I lunged at her. Her spindly mechanic limbs jutted out, aiming to skew my body but I nimbly avoided them. Behind her, Bullfrog had landed right behind her, preparing to leap into action, however, her hind limbs had lunged towards Bullfrog.

My weapon hit the cold outer shell of her chest, in an attempt to slice the metal but the only thing that sprung from the impact was sparks.

Sarah cackled at my mistake, however, I wasted no time throwing my second weapon into her face.

“Argh!” Sarah yelled, my weapon didn’t do much damage however it was the distraction Bullfrog needed to plunge his weapon into a fault of her back.

In a split second, I was thrown away. Her limbs now focused on trying to attack Bullfrog. My back hit the metal cage of wasteland inhabitants, sending a ripple of pain through my body.

I landed on the floor on my stomach, the only thing I could feel was pain.

—

When the mission was over, Sarah usually called all of us back, however me and bullfrog had finished with our part early.

Laying on the rooftop of the building, Bullfrog and I gazed into the dark purple sky. Only the brightest of stars ceiling itself through the extreme light pollution in this concrete jungle.

Lazily flipping my head to look at Bullfrog, I was shocked to find his eyes already resting on me.

“What? Are you watching me, creep?” I tease.

“Is it a sin to say I find you more worthy of my attention rather than the sky?” His eyes were filled with love, he never broke eye contact while speaking this sentence.

This time it was my turn to bashfully look away. His words always had a way of flustering me.

“Well what if a planet exploded and we all died, what would happen then?” I say, trying to sabotage the moment cause I can’t handle flirting that well.

An amused exhale exited out of Bullfrog before saying,

“At least in death, my last moments I would be what I love the most, Mon cœur.”

My face heated up, and I broke eye contact by once again looking away.

“Aw, look who can’t handle flirting? You know, you were talking big talk earlier but now-“

“Shut up!” I completely roll over. Trying to keep my pride intact.

“I swear you’re like a child.” Bullfrog chuckle. I present a middle finger to him behind me, in return I feel his lips press into the palm of my hand after he took my hands in his.

The damn sly mother fucker.

——

I watched as Bullfrog stuck his weapon into Sarah’s metallic throat, her scream completely cutting off mid-screech. He dodged her limb, the spider-like leg burying itself deep into her head.

Bullfrog hopped off, a glare attacking Sarah as she malfunctioned and began to attack herself more. Her legs turned inwards and buried themselves throughout her body.

Stepping back as she fell, Bullfrog looked behind him. I could only watch with an unfocused gaze as he bolted towards me.

“No, no, no, no!” He muttered, rushing over and putting his hand on my lower abdomen. That was when I finally looked down.

Deep crimson was all I could see.

Bullfrog's hand pressed against the wound, I can tell it would hurt but I could barely register that.

——

“Do you want my eggs?” I question, poking at the pale, sickly yellow-tinted blurb of ‘scrambled eggs’.

“Non. I’ll pass.” Bullfrog poked at his own eggs, a grimace on his face.

“Who the fuck cooks this shit? I swear they’re trying to poison us. Bullfrog lets out a small ‘Oui’, and the conversation falls silent.

I push my food out of the way and direct my body towards him, giving him my full attention.

“You know, you’re a tall glass of water.” I flirt. It was cheesy, I know but saying anything would be better than cramming this “food” down my throat.

“Oh? Is that so?”

“Mhm, yeah, you’re like you know. Uh you know the gah damn. Uhhhh” I stammered, confused on what I was even trying to say.

“You know just forget what I was talking about, amazing weather we’re-“

“What if I kissed you.” Bullfrog’s accent curled over the words, adding their own flare.

“What?”

“What if I kissed you?”

“I mean, by all means, take the lead bu-“

Within an instant, he stood up on the chair, his small but strong stature grabbing my shirt and resting his lips on mine. The kiss was short, but sweet. When he pulled back, I could only look at him with stunned eyes.

“Damn was I annoying you that bad?”

“Non, mon cœur. I was thinking about it and I saw an opportunity. Better now than never, no?” Bullfrog stated, a small smile resting on his face.

“Hm. I suppose that is better than whatever this fucking shit is.” I gesture to the plate of lab-grown ‘eggs’.

—-

Ripping off a piece of his cloak, he stuffed the wound, pain shocked through my body, I know he was trying to stop the bleeding but the pain felt like too much. My head dropped and my vision flickered before my eyes.

My neck felt weak, I felt weak. Everything feels weak.

“No no no, mon cœur stay with me!” Bullfrog gently slapped my face in an attempt to keep me awake. His touch felt muted to me.

“Bullfrog…I’m so tired” I warn. I knew by any means this was not good. Fuck! I wish there was a way to just try again! I don’t deserve to die! Not when I just started this relationship with him.

In this instance, I saw movement by Sarah’s metallic body. While Bullfrog was fussing over me, realization kicked in.

“Bullfrog! Get Awa-“

BOOM!

[thefatiger]

My thoughts about Captain Laserhawk, part 3

Sarahawk (Sarah Fisher + Dolph Laserhawk)

I understand that Dolph is gay, and Sarah is probably asexual/aromantic, and in general she infected his electronic system with a virus, what kind of love is there. It is clear that in series 4-5 she opened up to him and Morpheus so that they could not interfere with her.

However, there is such a dynamic between then maybe there would be something like a romantic relationship between her and Dolph with a bit banal "from enemies/colleagues to lovers" storyline

I was especially impressed by the last scene, not only because of the finale, but also because of the interaction of Sarah and Dolph at that moment

"- Oh, Dolph...Can I call you Dolph?"

Especially at the moment when Dolph fell, and Sarah picked him up and began to speak with a phrase that a mother usually says to her baby when she calms him down

And also, thinking about them dialogue, I imagined how it would have turned out if there hadn't been an explosion (this shouldn't have happened at all, because Dolph, damn it, took the wrong hand!)

- Hey, the warden?

- M?

- **took her hand** Beep!

- Huh? **awkward silence** Wait, it's on the other hand! Hah!

- fck...

- Wait, did you really say "Beep"?

My opinion about LaserFrog. It's not shipp. I don't think their relationship is romantic. It seems to me that Bullfrog spoke about Dolph as a friend, not even as a close friend. And Dolph himself hardly had time to feel anything for him. They didn't have enough time spent together, few conversations or any other interactions

(Perhaps now I have introduced myself as a hater of this shipp. Perhaps. but, damn it, frog and cyborg....)

[momoko-sugoi]

CLH X Blue Archive collab

DOLPH LAZERHAWK STRIKER MIDDLE SONIC SPECIAL ARMOR limited 3 star collab student Hello everyone, This is the first artwork I've posted here since like 2021 or 2022, and as you can see, it is basically a little collaboration thing I cooked up with a game called Blue Archive, which, if you don't know dw, you can watch this video about it (its only 7 minutes long and yes this is the short version)

The downside is that the fanbase is really fucking weird; I would suggest staying the fuck away from it if you were to get into the game cause the game is good, just that the people around it are suspicious, or at least watch the anime. After all, the anime so far is decent. Why is the slanted stuff in the halo

So for dolphs design, what I did since there was no fundamental motif for him, unlike the others, which we will get into in a bit, I decided I would just make it look like one of those old 80s cars, you know, where the windows instead of having tinting it would be slanted plastic, in the back yeah those, Apparently, they were called louvers and it was meant to make the car cooler inside while making the car more stable to drive, neat why the eye in the middle of the halo

The reason why I gave the eye in the middle for his halo is that he was being used by Eden as a military operative, so who to say when he got transported to Kivotos that Eden wasn't secretly gathering details about that place and planning on raiding soon to grab their tech, and also grabbing some kivotos students as test subjects for their military testing.

bullfrog striker front penetration light

limited 2 star collab character

finding his halo design

Oh boy, I had another hard time making his Halo design, too, since, let's just say that most of the game's designs are unique to the character's personality. All I could think of is Assassin's Creed and the Apple of Eden, that's apparently a weapon skin in Brawlhalla; god damn you, orb skins/lighthearted.

so what i did instead was just look at the plushie that Netflix made very intensely til I found what I was looking for

this fucking thing here, his belt, I could easily use it as a base for the halo, and I could get on with colors, and that's what I did. I used the brotherhood logo in the middle, colored it light green, and made it layered with the inner circle layer upon by the eyes with the brotherhood logo on top of it and the outer circle covering the outer rim.

This is the best example I can give of what he would've looked like halo-wise now, let's talk about why I gave him that design Why did you give him the design that you did?

The reason is that it mostly calmed down in this universe. There's no violence; if there is, they are immune to it to some extent. (they won't get hurt by bullets, but if they get hurt really bad [i.e., life-threatening injuries], they can die), because of the halos they wear, they are immune to some extent, but since some factions want to take out the students altogether (i.e., Gematria, Kaiser corp), they do have to be on guard, though it is mostly the general student counsels, the three big school student counsels, and senseis, besides no one really hates each other (well besides gehenna, and trinity) It's not as bad as Eden is, so the clothing choices reflect that chill but on guard.

bullfrogs halo design Even though Bullfrogs Halo shows the Brotherhood logo, most just write it off as some sort of band logo he likes. Bullfrog still has memories of his old world, still remembers Eden, and the day he met that old TV man, but no one would believe him, not even his fellow prisoners who were with him when they were transported to Kivotos. I hope you like this post, I'll get on the Genshin collab drawing as soon as I get rested up see ya

[djsherriff-responses]

Another reason I cannot stop thinking about Pey'J and Jade's relationship is that Pey'J isn't made out as “obviously” predatory for his attraction and treatment of Jade, which is honestly a lot more sinister than if he was proudly admitting to being one

We aren't given much on Alex being a flat out groomer either in the anime , but his behaviour is meant to be viewed negatively, especially post betrayal where he's outed as a cheater who told Pagan very intimate details and tries to emotionally manipulate Dolph after that

In comparison,Jade dies almost right after Pey'J's confession so already we're not given any time to dwell on it, nevermind let Jade process that information herself. But in the actual confession scene itself, has anyone else noticed how stiff and timid Pey'J's body language is compared to Jade's?

Jade is spreading her legs , not in a sexual way but more like a guy would on a bus, which goes to show the level of comfort she has (had?) around Pey'J as she vents about the situation they're in. She's also given far more expressive animation than Pey'J, practically doing a dozen poses and facial expressions in this short time that some characters who appear in all 6 episodes don't even do half off

Pey'J meanwhile has his legs straight , hands on his knees as he watches Jade. While he has a mask on that limits his expressions, we can still his eye movements and blushing Why are you blushing and turning your head around like an anime girl you fucking creep!?

The general confession itself is treated more akin to a guy asking out a crush than an admission from a predator, particularly with Pey'J's choice of words used

He starts the confession off by telling Jade "I think you look nice" to assure Jade's concerns about the mission. That in of itself is an innocent remark for a guy to say to his niece , but in context Jade is specifically complaining about being forced into sexualised role of femme fatale and wearing a very revealing dress, something most fathers (or adopted father figures) would actually be uncomfortable with (a dad being supportive of his daughter being confident in her sexuality isn't a red flag, just in the context it adds to the weirdness that is Pey'J)

Than Pey'J talks about how he's been stressed with the bomb that Sarah placed in everyone's head and how it's made him think. Being stressed about your head exploding at any second is a normal feeling in that situation, but considering the bomb shell that's about to drop it feels like Pey'J is focusing exclusively on his own feelings, not considering Jade's. This and the scene of Jade comforting Pey'J after joking about her own head explosion, shows that Pey'J pretty much expects Jade to do the emotional labour for him (side note I just realised that Jade has a dark sense of humour and copes with said humour, I wonder if that's because Jade doesn't want to focus on her own feelings too much?)

And then he tells her "I have feelings for you". While it's very blatantly obvious Pey'J is talking sexual/romantic attraction , the fact he said that instead of "I love you" is really damning, as the use of saying "feelings" along with Pey'J's body language makes this scene more (for lack of a better descriptive) "childish" or innocent than what's actually happening

Pey'J is not a awkward high school boy asking out his crush. He is a grown ass man twice (or even three times) Jade's age , Pey'J can easily crush a man's skull to a bloody pile with just one hand and carries a minigun to riots. He has known her since she was an infant and has been her legal guardian for several years after her parents died, practically her father this point

And while having physical and legal power over her , Pey'J tells a girl he literally raised that he's attracted to her

We don't see Pey'J act this shy and timid before or after the confession, only in that one moment where hes alone with Jade does he act like this. Is it out of guilt? shame? Or has he himself normalised this dynamic in his mind that he doesn't even realise how incredible vile he really is?

It's difficult to say

Idk I just think depending on what season two brings , this incest plot could either be just bad writing or actually really good writing

[wrestlingisfake]

Windy City Riot preview

Tetsuya Naito vs. Jon Moxley - This match was announced back in January, but it was only six days ago that Naito's IWGP world heavyweight championship was put on the line.

The IWGP world title is essentially a 2021 reboot of the prestigious IWGP heavyweight championship, which was introduced in 1987. Few non-Japanese wrestlers have held either version of the title; if Moxley wins here, he would join Vader, Salman Hashimikov, Riki Chosu, Scott Norton, Bob Sapp, Brock Lesnar, AJ Styles, Kenny Omega, Jay White, and Will Ospreay. Mox would also be the only man to have held the top men's title in WWE, AEW, and NJPW. New Japan has already coined the term "global grand slam" for this potential achievement.

A Moxley world title win would be pretty wild for New Japan. Typically the top belt is heavily protected, and mainly passed around a small group of tippy-toppy guys who are full-time on the Japanese tours. Mox is a part-time special attraction for New Japan, who mainly works one-off appearances in between his dates for AEW. Putting the title on him--outside of Japan, no less--would probably be more of a publicity stunt than a long-term direction, and I suspect they'd get it off of him ASAP. But I can see them pulling such a stunt right now, since Naito doesn't need a long title reign, and you can always switch the title at Dontaku (May 4) or Dominion (June 9) or Forbidden Door (June 30).

The match itself should be pretty damn good. Naito hasn't wowed me against SANADA or Yota Tsuji, but I figure Moxley (and a US audience starved for hot New Japan matches) can make the difference. Every near-fall should mean something. Could Moxley really win the big one? Could Naito really beat the top western wrestler outside of WWE? Could we really see an IWGP championship change hands in Chicago? Could Naito really close the show by speaking English? I don't know about you, but I'm pretty pumped for this.

My brain says Naito will keep the belt until January. My gut says I should listen to my brain. But my heart says fuck that shit, go Mox.

Nic Nemeth vs. Tomohiro Ishii - Nemeth is not defending his IWGP global title here. The original plan was for him to make his first defense against Hiroshi Tanahashi on April 6, but that got delayed by Tana's ankle injury. So I guess the idea is that Nemeth won't defend the title until Tana is ready for the shot he was promised. Of course, if Ishii wins here, he'll obviously earn himself a title match later on.

As Dolph Ziggler, Nemeth spent much of his WWE career in roughly the same level Ishii has found in New Japan, as the guy who can deliver a big match and threaten to beat the top guys without ever really making it to the top. The challenge for Nemeth now is to prove he can go beyond that role, both here with this new championship and in TNA where he's chasing their world title. We'll see how well Nemeth fares in New Japan, but for right now he's not booked against Ishii to lose.

Matt Riddle vs. Zack Sabre Jr. - This is for Riddle's NJPW World television title, so this match will have a 15-minute time limit. Riddle won the belt from Hiroshi Tanahashi in February, who won it from Sabre back in January. So this is Sabre's big chance to get the belt back, and he does want it, but he's really looking past that to get in the hunt for the IWGP world title. This should be a good mix of styles, but they'll have a hard time convincing me Sabre is going to win. Champ retains.

Eddie Kingston & ? & ? & ? vs. Gabe Kidd & ? & ? & ? - This is billed as a "riot rules" match, so there will be no tagging in or at and no disqualification, so the two teams can just brawl all over the place. Six of the eight participants will not be revealed until they make their entrances. This match came about after Kingston and Kidd went to a double count-out in January.

The structure of the match is weird because you'd think Kidd would just team with the rest of the Bullet Club War Dogs, except then it'd be 5-on-5 and David Finlay would be the focus instead of Kidd. Assuming Finlay isn't involved, it'd make sense for Kidd's partners to be Alex Coughlin, Clark Connors, and Drilla Moloney. But that's so obvious that there'd be no reason to keep it a secret if that was the actual plan. And now it seems like they couldn't do that even if they wanted to, since Coughlin abruptly announced his (legit?) retirement. I hope at least one guy on Kidd's team is a genuine surprise and a new War Dog. But I'm not confident we'll get three important surprises on his side.

I won't even hazard a guess who'll be on Eddie's team. It could be obvious choices like Homicide, Mark Briscoe, or Angel Ortiz. Or it could be guys that you'd never see coming but make sense if you know the lore. Or it could be the usual guys who work midcard matches on STRONG shows, and it'll just be like "yeah, okay, I guess."

I assume the destination is Eddie vs. Kidd for the STRONG men's title, which is the only belt Eddie has left since their last encounter, and the only one Kidd was interested in. If so, I think Kidd needs to pin the champion to end this match.

Mustafa Ali vs. Hiromu Takahashi - Ali is the TNA X division champion, but the title is not at stake in this match. This is his New Japan in-ring debut, although he appeared in a January video package to set up this match, shortly after exiting WWE. Ali is a local guy from Bolingbrook, so he should get a hero's welcome nonetheless. Hiromu has apparently brought at least one of his stuffed cats, which is a big deal to me because he doesn't use them enough these days.

This a treat for me since it'll be the first time I get to see Hiromu wrestle in person since he broke his neck in 2018. Hopefully things go better this time! Even so, I think Ali really ought to win in his first match with the company.

Jack Perry vs. Shota Umino - Perry showed up in New Japan back in January to sneak-attack Umino for no obvious reason. That led to a match on March 6, where Perry won and officially joined the House of Torture. Shota has been looking to avenge that defeat with a pinfall over Perry ever since; this may be his last chance to get it.

Perry is still under AEW contract, but he hasn't wrestled for the group since August 31, when he was suspended over a backstage altercation with CM Punk. (You might have heard about it.) That incident led to Punk being fired the day before an AEW pay-per-view in Chicago. Since then it's been an open question how Perry would be received in Chicago, and how he would be presented to handle that. I have to say, "put him in House of Torture" never would have occurred to me.

I expect Perry to pull every trick in the book to get heel heat and milk it for all it's worth. But it probably won't be a typical House of Torture match, if only because I doubt they're flying in EVIL, Dick Togo, SHO, Yujiro Takahashi, and Yoshinobu Kanemaru just to do run-ins. I suppose Perry could get the last laugh in this feud, but something tells me he'll put over Shota on his way out of New Japan, to set up his return to AEW.

El Phantasmo & Hikuleo vs. Shane Haste & Mikey Nicholls vs. Tom Lawlor & Fred Rosser vs. Royce Isaacs & Jorel Nelson - ELP and Hiku issued an open challenge to defend their STRONG tag team title against any three teams. This is a standard four-way tag match, so each team gets a corner, and only two men can legally be in the ring at any time. The legal men can tag in anyone from any team. The first man to score a fall on any opponent will win the match and the title for his team.

The three challenger teams have all been mainstays of the STRONG brand, back when New Japan had a dedicated roster for taped weekly television in the US. Nowadays, though, the brand is just used for the occaisonal US-based pay-per-view, loaded up with key guys from the Japanese roster. That transition worked out well for Haste and Nicholls, who became a fixture in Japan. Not so much for former STRONG headliners Lawlor and Rosser; the story of their gradual reconciliation and alliance is barely a blip on the radar. Nelson and Isaacs are even deeper in obscurity; if this match was a three-way I don't even think they'd be on the card.

I don't see any point in changing the tag title here. The best reason to do it is if Phantasmo and Hiku are splitting up to work as singles. The next best reason would be if New Japan wants to put a new coat of paint on the STRONG brand and its titles, and they've shown no interest in doing that. I think the champs retain, and take the belts back to Japan until the next US show.

Stephanie Vaquer vs. AZM - Vaquer's STRONG women's title is up for grabs, but her CMLL women's world title is not. I'm still getting acquainted with both of these women; maybe seeing them live will really make them stick with me. I expect at some point Vaquer will drop the STRONG belt to someone on the STARDOM roster, but I don't think it'll be tonight.

Minoru Suzuki vs. Ren Narita - In January 2023, Suzuki and El Desperado unexpectedly made the save for Narita against the House of Torture. The unlikely trio fell apart in December when Narita betrayed Shota Umino to join the House of Torture. Since then we've seen Despy and Shota square off with Narita, but this is the first time he's had to face Suzuki.

Suzuki is the kind of guy who makes House of Torture bullshit more interesting, because he's arguably more evil and sadistic than the heels without needing any of their nonsense. Even so, I have to think Suzuki's role is to put over the rising young guy. But I'll be curious to see how Narita can pull this one off without a lot of run-ins.

Mina Shirakawa & Viva Van vs. Trish Adora & Alex Windsor - A week ago I couldn't even spell "Mina Shirakawa," and I didn't know anything about her. Now I know she's the woman who keeps running out to kiss Mariah May and drink champagne. So there you go.

I'm guessing the point of this match is to have a woman ready to challenge the winner of the STRONG women's title match. Adora already had her shot, and I don't expect her to get another so soon. So I'm thinking Shirakawa wins the match for her team.

Matt Vandagriff vs. Zane Jay - This is billed as a "strong survivor" match; it's a battle between two LA Dojo trainees, with the winner earning the right to be on the next US-based show. Apparently Vandagriff is 3-0 in this format. Let's just assume he improves to 4-0.

[the-firebird69]

The sun is pretty Sharp these people are paying and they do stuff like in the movie and they come back here and they say they own him when they get hit. A few odd things in the movie. Jason is Captain in the ship. The bad guy is inside Dolph lundgren's body who wants to put devices into the cavern. Stalone on tried to destroy the nuclear weapon, and fired on it in the last minute attempt so that the Titanic would not be destroyed and the detonator would destroy a lot of it but the nuke would have destroyed all of it. The ship proceeded on, yes a few miles down no it's about a mile and a half. And it blew up at depth. And pretty deep down. A lot of people think the ship blew up but in fact it broke in half. Are these people try to survive off of our son's blood and they feel miserably yet they continue to. Really we don't appreciate it. This movie is the precursor to the Meg and what gets it going is people figuring out that the Concordia is the Titanic. Then this movie erupts and is trying to sink it to put the device in and that's supposed to knock out the Kaiju so he can try and install controls. Some people think Tommy f is acting but he's getting his ass kicked. The ship sinks and you can see the two halves it's happened plenty this year and everybody's after it they think the panels are on it and we think they're not they used to be the Jupiter and world war one and was the first aircraft carrier and it was our son's ship he helped design it and we did too and Hera did and it was just a flat top that's what he calls it and that's why his hair is cut that way. It was used to stop dangerous people with big weapons and this being used these days to do the same. They don't like it because of that so they want to use it against the Max and the rest of the world they say what device in the cavern and have Trump do it has been hurting them and he's going to do it anyways they go down there they put the device in the vertical tube prematurely because someone else did and it blows the cavern and releases the Caju. The nuclear weapon detonating nearby fuels the cage you a little bit yes and a radius the ground there it's almost on top of them and also softens up the Rock and such and it's necessary.

It's not Cabo it's the island off of Africa that's making all the storms here and people want the damn thing down they're going after the Concordia right now they do have the deck cleared and it is going on fairly soon. Jason is the one who puts the device on board and the armament and everything else and starts to go down there and he's trying to use it from topside he wants to drill the hole and that's what he's up to and people think he's nuts and he is nuts

Thor Freya

Zues Hera

Olympus

Tommy f says a lot of people wanted to happen but not that many and most of the clones don't social security why Tommy f is doing it and what he says is it's close and go either way and he's trying to arm the kju with a device and the whole is small too small from them to fit through and her friend says they're not the only ones with them you can see it in the movie and he's laughing kind of but that's not what happens and is wondering who would blow the cavern and it'll be someone trying to stop Tommy f and they do it all the time

Thor Freya

[80s4life]

Perfect Imperfections’

Word Count: 2,893

Status: Requested!

Ask: Can you do a story about Lee Christmas. Reader is a shy, sweet, gentle, leggings and oversized sweater wearing kind of a girl. The guys meet her for the first time not believing someone like her would be with Lee but they get along with her and become kind of brother like figures for her, then at some point she's walking home from work (the rare moment he isn't able to pick her up when he's not on mission) and she gets beat up. Lee deals with who did it, then takes care of her cause she's a mess

A/N: Idk if you’ve noticed, but I absolutely am in love with Gunnar and his actor, Dolph Lundgren. I think he’s so hot and adorable both personality and looks...It’s kinda ironic how he has no imagines...

Fandom: The Expendables Series

Relationship: Lee Christmas x Female!Reader

Summary: You were a bartender at a known bar in the city. People knew you, hated you, loved you, trusted and lusted for you. The hatred only grew with your forever-burden: the man you love and his colleagues you’d risk your life for without a doubt. They were family and you were a liability. It was stupid, you knew, but love truly is a complicated motivation, isn’t it?

Warnings: angst, fear, lewd allusions, blood, weapons, fighting, reader is injured, blood mention, fluff, language (duh)

Masterlist  Expendables Masterlist

Taglist: @tangledcopperstrands @snapessecretdiary​

{Gif is not mine, credits go to @theshawbrothers}

Hearing a knock on your gated door, you quickly open it, unlocking the gate with an excited squeal.

“Damn baby, don’t get too excited,” Lee smiles, British accent ever so apparent.

“Why not? I finally get to meet the amazing family you always brag about,” you counter, justifying your racing heartbeat.

“They’re judgy that’s all. I don’t know how they’re going to react to...”

“-To a younger girl that has completely better taste than you,” you playfully roll your eyes.

“Well-” he starts, “Yes.”

“Yeah? Well I believe there’s nothing to worry about. They sound amazing and supportive. Just you wait,” you reassure him, grabbing your purse and favorite sweatshirt, checking your hair in the mirror as you pass. 

Walking past him, you squeeze his strong shoulder, pecking his lips for good measure. Nearing the door, you snatch up your helmet, excitement thrilling through your bones with anticipation. 

“I hope your right, I’d have to drop ya’ if they don’t approve,” Lee jokes, pulling on his leather jacket and helmet before locking the door and protective gate once more.

“Yeah, yeah,” you say, straddling the backseat of the motorcycle, patting the driver’s seat as you catch Lee’s childish pout. “I’m not gonna wait all night, Sweetheart.”

Finally looping his legs around the bike and revving the engine, Lee speeds off into the direction of the lively city. Lights sparkling and cars dancing about, you smile as you bite your lip, placing your head on Lee’s back. He smiles despite his worries, lovingly reaching a hand back to squeeze your knee faintly.

As the smell of smoke and music booming catches your attention, you lift your head to catch sight of a bar. It was like any other is what you thought at first, scrunching your face is slight disappointment and confusion. Lee laughs, “This is Barney’s bar. His only bar that he enjoys more than life.”

“Oh,” is all you manage, your nerves now spiking as the earlier excitement shifts to queezy nervousness. Somehow, your moods had both flipped, adopting the other’s previous mood. 

Grabbing your hand in his, Lee catches your anxious demeanor, pecking your temple and squeezing your hand as a reminder that he’s right there with you. Looking you in the eye, you sigh, nodding your head as a signal that you’re ready, Lee smiling and opening the large door.

Instantly the air shifts; drinks, laughter, screaming, bets, smoke, dancing, singing, and fights hitting you automatically, paired with the loud upbeat music. You spot the group of men strangely, never seeing them once in your life, yet knowing just who they are based off of the way they perceive themselves.

Leading you to the table, Lee walks to the end of the booth giving the stink eye as a warning. The laughing stops simultaneously, the men catching sight of you, clad in leggings, Uggs, sweatshirt and all.

“Guys, this is Y/N, the girl I’ve been talking to you about for months.”

Silence. No one speaks. Standing awkwardly, you cough, the men sizing you up with immense tensity. “Hi,” you manage, scolding yourself at the stupidity. 

On instinct, the largest man at the table barks with laughter, your response striking him unexpectedly. You smile shyly, cheeks heating up, but enjoying the enthusiasm nonetheless, knowing how ridiculous you’d just sounded. 

Unable to control themselves any longer, the rest of the men chime in too.

“Oh come on now, sit your asses down and drink. We ain’t gonna bite,” an Italian, Barney you assumed based on Lee’s fondness towards the man, says warmly.

Moving over to make room, you sit between some of the men, a man with a cauliflower ear moving out of the way so you could sit comfortably in the center of the curved booth while he sat back down at the end. Lee, sitting on the other end, smiles as he fist bumps Barney, whispering something incoherent to you.

“So, you’re the Y/N Lee doesn’t shut up about, huh?” the blond responds again, calming down enough to reassume his later brooding look.

“U-Uhm, I guess I am?” you question, unsure due to the man’s vehemence.

“So you’re not Y/N Y/L/N then?” he chuckles.

“Well no. I mean, I am, but Lee doesn’t seem to be as much of the talking type you make him out to seem. It confused me was all,” you answer earnestly, calming as you were given the opportunity to fully explain yourself.

“Ah, I see,” he says, nodding, “So that means that he only acts like a sappy school girl around us then? Lucky us...”

“I guess so...” you look at your man, cheeks heating at the thought of him talking so lovingly about you, even when you weren’t there. “I’m sorry, but I don’t think I got your name,” you smile.

“Gunnar. The one with the vegetable ear is Toll, the short Italian with the big mouth is Barney, the even shorter Korean is Yin Yang, and the big black man is Caesar.”

You laugh at the descriptions given, nodding to each of the men as Gunnar called them out dramatically. As he finished his sentence, chugging a beer, everyone had chimed in to give Gunnar a good ‘fuck you,’ throwing napkins and straws at the Swedish mountain.

...

The rest of the night had been a blast. You had gotten to truly know the men and feel just at home in their presence. You’d danced, drank, ate shitty bar food that you actually enjoyed, and even had the opportunity to privately get to know each of the men.

Toll Road was a sweet man who’d earned himself a cauliflower ear from wrestling when he was young. He was very respectful and complimented your clothing, dubbing it “bold.” He talked your ear off about all the things Lee said about you, making you blush more than once. He was supportive.

Hale Caesar was a funny man and embodied the label of ‘Don’t Judge a Book By Its Cover.’ You thought of him as an intimidating force, but he’d automatically broke that chain upon the first greeting. He was a huge Teddy Bear that enjoyed jokes and games. He was fun.

Yin Yang was just a smidgen taller than you, but deflected any mentions towards his work ethic and strength. He was quick-witted, smart, and fast. There was something about him that was encouraging, and he didn’t let you doubt yourself. He liked your character, and for that, accepted you from the get-go. He was down to earth.

You’d gotten a chance to speak to Gunnar once more, and found him to be a very brooding, almost sad soul. He had many emotional scars, just like the rest of the men, that stayed embedded on the side of his head. He was closed off for the most part, but you assumed it was your warm demeanor that cracked him just a little bit. He was protective.

Towards the end of the night, you finally got to talk to the man that seemed to be of the utmost importance when it came to the acceptance of the family. Barney was like a father figure that you needed approval of, yet was the best friend Lee never dreamed of. You don’t know what had sparked when he met you, but you hadn’t argued. He hugged you close out of nowhere, and you had no doubt in your mind that you find home in this tiny group of misfits.

As time passed, you had grown even closer to the gang. You always came over to the bar or the tattoo parlor with goodies. You became almost like the older sister that came with candy you had to hide form your mother, and the men loved it. You had fit in so well that even if you weren’t officially an Expendable, you were given a smaller tattoo to solidify your importance lovingly. Tool had even made sure it was, “Distinctly beautiful. As are you, lovely.”

///

Yawning, you check the time on the clock above the shelf containing the numerous bottles of liquor. Time to go home, you smile. Lee had texted you earlier explaining that he’d be late to pick you up as he was going over the details of his next mission. You agreed lovingly, but now, as the time had gotten extremely late, and you worked an extra four hours to keep busy, all you wanted was to go home.

Texting Lee a quick update, you inform him on where you’re going just to keep him in the loop. Three bubbles appeared then disappeared again. Taking that as a sign that he saw it, you missed his later text that would inform you of what was to come.

Grabbing your coat, you curse your ankles for the tiresome heels your bar required within its clothing requirements. Tying your hair back in a messy bun, you wave goodbye to the poor women and men still stuck bar tending and waitressing. Finally, clocking out and removing your name tag, you step out into the brisk chill of the city air.

Your apartment was just a few blocks over, but due to insufficient funds, you live on the wrong side of town. There was too many crimes to count, and many justifiable reasons as to investing in a gun, which was kept neatly tucked in your purse.

However, upon the cruel shrill of a dog whistle, the chill that courses down your spine was enough to have you picking up your pace on the dim sidewalk. Seeing an alleyway that provides a longer, yet secluded, route to your apartment complex, you walk as fast as your skimpy heels could manage. You could hear the men’s heavy footfalls, you knew you had to hurry, yet the frozen fear and absence of Lee starts to make you feel hopeless. 

Unaware of your stuttering pace, a hard figure collides with yours, sending you sprawling into the nearest brick wall. 

“Well, well, well...look at what we have here boys. It’s one of those mercenaries’ little whore,” the man teases, placing both of his hands on either side of your body. Trapping you.

“I-I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you squeak with moderate courage. 

“Don’t lie to me girl!” the man screams, spit launching onto your face with force. You don’t dare wipe them away, you don’t dare to even look for an escape.

Repeating your latest statement, you whisper, “I have no clue what you’re talking about.”

“Yeah?” another man pipes up, walking nearer in anger, “So if I were to lift up your sleeves, there’d be no traces of an ‘Expendables’ tattoo? I know all you pricks have ‘em. Like some kind of fucking brotherhood,” the other man demands.

Unable to look either of them in the eyes, you look down, choosing not to answer or even acknowledge the question. You comply as the man grips your arm, ripping you away from the wall in fierce determination.

“Ah...there it is! The little birdie.” A third man jokes, catching sight of the unmistakable work of art.

The man from before, the leader you assumed, restates the other man’s question, “So, wanna try me again, dear?”

“I-I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Bullshit!” he screams, raising a hand, striking you across the cheek. Tears well up instantly, but they’re all in vain. “How’s about we mark ya up instead? Since ya have no clue who we’re talkin’ about, then there’s nothing t’ worry about, huh?”

They don’t give you the chance to answer. Instead, your mouth is covered by a hand, muffling your cries as the men move to beat on you, pushing you to the ground. Curling up in a ball, you attempt but fail to cover your head with your hands, a hard kick to the jaw sending your head flying back and spreading your form back out across the pavement. 

“I have somethin’ better,” another member adds after some time, “Even better than cuttin’ her.” 

No...

“Something more personal.”

No...please...

Without a word, the men share some amused glances, then get to work on the new task at hand. Greed, vengeance, and sinister glee resides in their eyes as they stared at you with newer purpose, a new desire blooming in your presence.

A hand, grimy and calloused, meets your hip bone, stroking the soft skin. Roughly, he yanks at your uniform’s skirt, tearing it as he moves to rid any other particles underneath.

NO!

You want to scream...cry...plead. Yet, you remain frozen; no movement or real person still living in the cold skin and bone that made you a person. 

As you underwear and skirt are torn from you, the men stand back and around your body, allowing the leader to resurface with a satisfied stare. His hands move to his belt as goes to work discarding it, his cold stare boring into your eyes. 

“OI!” echoes a voice from the end of the alleyway, “What the fuck do you think your doin’?!”

Finally, the man’s eyes leave yours, the gang moving to form a wall as to protect what was “theirs.”

You hear the voice faintly, the words swirling around your head in an incoherent heap. However, you still feel as cold and broken as the pavement below you, letting the cool rain pour as a storm breaks out, almost as loud as the war that leaves the gang to fend for themselves.

Warm hands encompass your shoulders, slightly shaking them as they lift your body upwards. Your head dangles weakly, eyes unfocused. You know those eyes, you know that voice.

Lee, splattered in unknown sources of blood, removes his jacket, covering as much skin as he could, whispering in your ear, “I’m here baby girl. I’m here. I’m so sorry.”

Soon, Barney runs over with a stern look of concern, the expression quickly softening as his sight catches your form. “That jacket ain’t gonna do much Christmas...Here,” Barney crouches down swiftly, warmly whispering to Lee as he removes his flannel.

Together, they wrap your body in the over-sized shirt, covering up your body properly. Smirking calmly, the world stops spinning and your consciousness resurfaces, the danger no longer apparent. 

“There she is,” Barney attempts to lighten the mood, “Got a little worried for a bit.” Lifting himself off the ground, he pats Lee’s shoulder, the pair sharing a nod as Barney moves to round up the group. Straddling their bikes, they speed off to finish the deed, attacking the true monster behind the gang that attacked you.

Then do you finally let the tears fall. Your body crumples in a ball, curling into Lee’s body instantly. Your shoulders shake with the force of your sobs. Luckily, nothing of unsolvable danger had taken place, allowing the mistakes to be righted. That, however, didn’t ease your tension as the events finally sink in.

Protectively, Lee cradles your head with one hand, moving the other to wrap your body closer to his on his lap. He whispers sweet nothings in your ear, eventually settling the hiccups and tears. 

He feels guilty. Worthless. Ashamed. You could see it even after he’d lifted you off the wet pavement and drove you home safely secured on his bike. You noticed it more clearly once you were home, him insisting to tend to the wounds yet never properly looking you in the eyes as he spoke.

“Lee,” you finally pipe up, stopping all movement of his hands, your body resting stiffly atop the kitchen counter, clad in just the flannel and your underwear. Grabbing his hands, you pull them to your lips, kissing them softly, “Lee...”

His eyes fall to your hands, then the ground, “I know what’cha gonna say, and ya wrong-”

You stop him instantly, “No. First off, I’m never wrong,” you smile, “And second off, there was nothing that could’ve prevented this Lee. It was no one’s fault. If you want to blame someone, blame me for Christ’s sake. I’m the one that left the bar even after you’ve warned me time and time again.”

“Yeah, but I already know that ya don’t listen.”

“It still doesn’t pin the blame on you Baby. Everything happens for a reason. Just please let it go,” you smile sweetly, caressing his jaw and gently pulling it back up to face you.

He places both of his arms on either side of your legs, sighing as he finally looks you in the eyes. He knew if he’d looked up, his resolve would fall and he’d give in to you; and that’s exactly what he did, meeting your eyes and triumphant, shit-eating grin. 

You beam at his grumpy face, pecking his lips lovingly. “Stop being such a baby.”

“Yeah, yeah,” he smiles, pecking your lips again, “I am gonna fuck ‘im up though.”

“That’s fine by me,” you chuckle, pulling him in for a hug, head pressed lightly against his shoulder blade.

[therappundit]

***Top 225 Rap Albums of 2021***

The Rap Pundit’s picks for the ”BEST” (a.k.a. My Favorite) Rap Albums of 2021

What more can I say about the year that’s been 2021 that hasn’t already been said?  I have plenty of good things to say about the past 12 months, and I have plenty of bad things to say about 2021...but when it comes to the soundtrack, I have nothing but joy and appreciation for rap music in 2021.  The talent pool continues to expand at a global scale, and it’s harder than ever to stay on top of all the quality rap releases each week, but at the end of the day, what a lovely problem to have to manage.

I wanted to drop my own list of the best rap albums of 2021 last week- let’s call that Version 1 - but simply too much great music dropped this year, it would be a crime to miss out on acknowledging all of my favorite releases in some capacity.  SO BEHOLD, VERSION 2:  225 OF THE YEAR’S BEST DAMN RAP ALBUMS/EPs/MIXTAPES/WHATEVER (I don’t even know how most folks differentiate “a collection of songs” nowadays, my only criteria for inclusion on this list is that the project had to consist of at least 6 songs).

R.I.P. Drakeo the Ruler, Young Dolph, and so many other talented people that we lost this year.  You, your families, your fans, your communities and society in general all deserved better...but so many will be forever grateful for the art that you shared during your all-too-brief time with us. 🙏

Now let’s get to it, because we have A LOT to cover..starting with the Top 10:

10. Disco! by MIKE

Very few artists could claim to be as impactful to the modern music landscape as MIKE.  The gifted New York MC and producer has been every bit as influential to the suddenly packed lane of experimental underground rap artists as Earl Sweatshirt, and what was once called “lo-fi” or a “sub-genre” by many is now a driving creative force in rap music today, with peers such as Navy Blue, AKAI SOLO, Maassai, Mavi, Maxo and others now seated at the forefront of avant garde rap music.

Every MIKE release sounds like a dreamy, flowing exploration of whatever thoughts were going through his head at the moment his head hit the pillow.  Dating back to his last album (2020′s Weight of the World), he has been very open about processing the loss of his mother, and while he continues down that path with Disco!, here we find him on the emotional rebound, heading down an increasingly bright tunnel where the dawn is almost within reach.  Disco! is arguably the best sounding album of MIKE’s career, as he seems to be hitting new strides both as a song writer and a producer (a big s/o to MIKE’s equally gifted alter-ego behind the boards, DJ BlackPower).

9. Razor’s Edge by Rome Streetz & Futurewave

Picking the best Rome Streetz moment of 2021 feels a little like picking your favorite day of 2021, since he was feasting on the rap game since the ball dropped back in January.  Releasing multiple strong-to-great projects and who-the-hell-knows how many fantastic feature verses (dude is an absolutely workhorse),  I’m sure fans all have varying opinions on what his best release was this year, likely listing out project titles in a 1a, 1b, 1c etc. fashion.  For me, Razor’s Edge has it all, and as 2021 draws to a close it remains one of my top ten favorite albums of the year. 

A lot of fans mention Headcrack as the moment they became a Rome Streetz fan, a 2019 release also fully produced by Toronto’s Futurewave (a force in his own right, well on the way to elite status).  That now feels like a stepping stone to Razor’s Edge.   Both artists have continued to steadily sharpen their tools since then, which has made Razor a tightly woven, dark collection of cautionary tales and assessments of the booby-trap laced city of New York that Rome Streetz calls home.  This album manages to recapture the throwback sentiments of old boom-bap NYC, while also sounding fresh and forward-thinking in every way possible.

8. Call Me If You Get Lost by Tyler, the Creator

Surely a popular choice for rap AOTY, and with good reason.  On Call Me If You Get Lost, Tyler, the Creator spotlights his skills as a MC and rap artist, but it’s mostly Tyler’s charisma and swagger that makes this album so special.  It’s so clear that Tyler has his fanboy hat on as snug as possible over the course of the whole project, because from the DJ Drama inclusion to the sample choices to the loose, free spirit he has throughout Call Me, it seems that the primary creative force behind this album was a renewed love for rapping.  It put an extra bounce in his step, and it’s contagious.  It’s what makes him such a great figurehead for the mainstream-underground tug of war that’s happening in rap music at the moment.  Tyler is a fantastic ambassador of quality music, either as a staunch representative of the underworld sewers where rappers “just spit bars”, or catchier, more radio ready fodder that sounds sunny enough to earn Pharrell’s blessing.

The time when I would not have been surprised to hear Tyler sample a Gravediggaz song has long since passed, so a single like “LUMBERJACK” was a curve ball that manages to dodge feeling like a reach for the underground rap accolades that former Odd Future teammate Earl Sweatshirt has lamped under for some time, but a culmination of Tyler’s journey from The Odd Future Tape up through Flower Boy and Igor, up to the present day.  Tyler has always been a studio rat so it shouldn’t be a surprise that he is able to see where rap is trending, or that he is one of the most important voices within it.  What does still need some time to get used to is Tyler consistently crushing rap verses the way he has been these past two years.  Sure he’s important to the whole music biz, but when it comes to the future of mainstream rap music, right now he may just be the most important piece of the puzzle.

7. Hitler Wears Hermes 8: Sides A & B by Westside Gunn

To honor the man himself, I will be viewing Hitler Wears Hermes 8 as a double-album (exactly as the artist intended, in spite of the separation of release dates between Side A and Side B).  Viewed separately, HWH8 Side A and HWH8 Side B are strong contributions in their own right, but together they serve as yet another blunt instrument wielded by the Griselda army to pound their competition into submission.  

As both the front man and loudest member of the growing Griselda empire,  Westside Gunn hyped the release of the eighth (and final??) installment of his controversially titled mixtape series for over a year, and during that time the star power behind Westside Gunn, Conway the Machine and Benny the Butcher has risen sharply...almost as sharply as the industry around them has taken notice.  With rap music trending towards more traditionally underground rap aesthetics, and with peers taking notice and wanting to rub elbows with the Buffalo collective more and more often (imagine how absurd a 2 Chainz or Lil Wayne feature on a Griselda project would have seemed back in 2016), it would have been fairly straightforward to allow HWH8 to pass through on cruise control.  Fortunately for fans, Westside Gunn has the spirit of a Finn Balor living inside of him: one part earnest worker, one part raging demon.  

It’s fair to give a great deal of credit to Gunn for not only crafting and curating the final product, but for being the spark that keeps Griselda sounding as hungry as ever in spite of their underground-turned-sort-of-above-ground celebrity status.  It’s fun to discuss preference between Side A and Side B, especially amongst longer standing Griselda stans, but here is how I would break down the differences: Side A feels more like Wu-Tang Forever if it was edited down into a single album, while Side B feels like Wu-Tanger Forever in it’s final two-disc form.  To put it another way, I feel that Side A does a stronger job of showcasing the strengths and hunger of the Griselda family, while Side B shows that the hunger still exists within increasing exposure to mainstream shine.  

HWH8: Side A & Side B feature Westside Gunn, Conway, and Benny delivering the hard-knuckled bars and hustler tales that they and their old co-signs do best, only now joined by fellow rising stars like Stove God Cook$, Larry June, Jay Worthy, Sauce Walka and recent Griselda signee Rome Streetz.  Toss in previously outside-of-reach fully established artists like Lil Wayne, 2 Chainz, Jay Electronica and Tyler, the Creator, and you have a full project that placates any core listeners that are still uncomfortable with the idea of Griselda revamping their sound, with a healthy overdose of replay value.  HWH8 proves that one key trait of all Griselda albums remains intact: featured guests from outside the crew need to meet Griselda on their own turf, it’s not the other way round.  So JAY-Z, Kendrick Lamar or Drake rapping alongside Westside Gunn over a Daringer beat?  It hasn’t happened yet, but if it did, we wouldn’t be that surprised anymore.

6. Trapdoor by Defcee & Messiah Musik

A fourth quarter dark horse that seemed to come out of nowhere (except for those that have a history of working with both artists and already knew what they’re capable of), Chicago veteran MC Defcee and Baltimore’s Messiah Musik already shared many of the same peers, so it was probably only a matter of time before they dropped a project together....but I wonder if either party expected this?

The result of their union was Trapdoor, an album exploding with talent from top to bottom.  From the writing to the rapping to the production (and I cannot express this enough - the writing and the production are both absolutely gripping throughout), Trapdoor has been steadily climbing my list of favorite music for weeks.  A thoughtful album filled with life lessons without sounding the least bit preachy (please believe- this is a rare feat!), what Defcee & Messiah have achieved here is a powerful work of audio art that addresses so many of the hopes, fears, struggles, and successes of entering middle age at a time when the world feels like it is up in flames.  Trapdoor walks right up to the line of bleak without losing hope, and looking back at these past two years, what can be easier to identify with than the struggles of trying to work, laugh and love our way through an increasingly claustrophobic way of life?

5. Half God by Wiki & Navy Blue

No artist on this list releases work as casually as Wiki, but the former Ratking standout will be hard pressed to keep a low profile after the reception to Half God.  Joining forces with fellow underground workhorse Navy Blue (whose name will appear multiple times across many year-end lists, and rightfully so), Half God feels like the pinnacle of Wik’s (shockingly young!?) career thus far.  Wiki has always leaned more towards the more experimental side, with a seemingly intentional desire to avoid doing what everyone else is doing, which serves both to strengthen his discography and distance his clout within social media circles; however, here on Half God we find a slightly more mature Wiki, better at drawing together his creative rhyme schemes into more straight forward songs than ever before.  

Surely aided by some of the smoothest production he has ever had access to for a full length project, Half God feels like the moment when Wiki officially staked his claim as an official ambassador of New York City hip-hop...which he always has been, but with friends and sparring partners like MIKE, Earl Sweatshirt, and Navy Blue, maybe now his artistic achievements will be headlining galleries rather than simply being mentioned amongst them.

4. A Martyr’s Reward by Ka

Like clockwork, any time Ka releases new work it is bound to skyrocket into the conversation of the year’s best.  A Martyr’s Reward offers nothing new to longstanding Ka fans except for a more stripped down version of Ka than we have heard in some time.  While much of his recent albums have successfully worked around a pinned metaphor (not as a crutch, simply as a touchstone to help keep the momentum going), A Martyr’s Reward feels like Ka speaking as Ka, rather than a vessel used to filter and distribute the memories and life lessons preached by the mighty Brownsville MC.  

Here we find Ka speaking some of the most candid thoughts of his career.  Alongside ‘Ka: the survivor of Brooklyn streets’, we have ‘Ka: the under-appreciated fire fighter’, or ‘Ka: the abused black man in America’, all angles of he man’s perspective feel painstakingly thought out - with an emphasis on the pain, and the subsequent ability to rise above it.  As always, Ka’s pen remains unparalleled, every rhyme wound tight as a ticking clock and every instrumental seemingly crafted to only brace themselves for his chosen words from song to song.  So while A Martyr’s Reward certainly doesn’t reinvent the wheel for Ka, with selections like the one below from “We Living/Martyr” (featuring the rising legend that is fellow MC/Producer Navy Blue), it is clear that Ka’s poetry on black history does so much more to inform the future, rather than dwell on it’s past.

“This proof I'm not duping, only solutions I ignite in my lab / Dumb nights, some nights won fights for my rights with a jab. If you ain’t got the brass to lock ass, go light smack / Appears somebody polluting my salute, nice to the flag. Till then they just dreaded heathens, can't pledge allegiance / Slave wealth built they grave wealth, there's no better grievance. Now the order's to abort us, instead of feed us / But if they bomb shit watch, in conflict, how quick they need us...”

3. Haram by Armand Hammer & The Alchemist

Not even a full year removed from the release of Haram, the incredible album that resulted from the union of billy woods, E L U C I D, and The Alchemist, it’s hard to imagine that there was a world that existed before all of their orbits became intertwined.  While The Alchemist was no stranger to the work of Armand Hammer (he had even been a part of Moor Mother and billy’s impressive BRASS project that dropped in late 2020), many thought that the combination would prove to be solid, but not necessarily yield a final product that elevated the talent involved to new levels.  Welp, they were wrong.

Hardcore Armand Hammer fans are devout when it comes to discussing their catalogue, so while I am not qualified to rank the collective or solo works of bill woods and E L U C I D, I can say with confidence that the musical chemistry showcased on Haram made it hard to believe that these three talents had never released a full length project together.  The two fierce poets that comprise Armand Hammer sounded well at home sinking their teeth into Alchemist’s woozy loops and sample collages, leading to standout moments that revel in the juxtaposition of styles rather than the seamlessness.  Lush backdrops draping cuts like “Falling out the Sky”, “Black Sunlight”, or “Stonefruit” prove not only that Armand Hammer’s machine-gunning streams of dark thoughts and social commentary sound well at home over Alchemist’s wavier production, but also that Al has so much more in his bag than he has shown us. 

2. TV62 by Bruiser Brigade

A straight up FLEX tape.  No, not the obnoxious out-of-touch DJ, I’m talkin’ a straight up show of power, a flex of talent.  Not since Odd Future has there been a collective of under-the-radar, raw talent to put on a showcase like what Bruiser Brigade did in 2021.  The truth is if you put any one of their releases from the past 12 months into this slot, I would not argue.  But for my money’s worth, if you had only one hour to be convinced that the Brigade is not to be f’d with, I would tell you to listen to TV62.

At opening bell of 2021 you may have considered Bruiser Brigade to be only a vaguely established force consisting of Danny Brown and a line-up of lesser known, local co-signs....but heading into 2022, you better know the names of MCs J.U.S., Fat Ray, Bruiser Wolf, ZelooperZ, and Quentin Ahmad DaGod.  Although it doesn’t stop there, because the crew has a huge arsenal of gloriously dusty (sometimes even bouncy - I mean the Detroit influence is pulsing within every Bruiser Brigade project thus far) production, courtesy of sharp talent like Black Noi$e, Skywlkr, Raphy, Playa Haze, HOLLY, Gulley and more.  There simply isn’t a better “no skips” project that dropped this year, you really need to let this one play out, and then argue over which tracks are the best (spoiler alert: there is no wrong answer).  The raw demo feel seems intentional, especially when you consider the Wu-Tang Clan homages that are present on a good portion of TV62.  Danny and the rest of the Brigade would likely call this a collection of loosies rather than an official group album, but nevertheless, TV62 is the official arrival of a fully realized group of must-watch artists.  Is it possible that Detroit has become the 37th Chamber?

1. Pray For Haiti by Mach-Hommy

Imagine you never heard of Mach-Hommy before hearing this album.  Imagine being completely caught off guard by the flow, the confidence, the unpredictable paths taken mid-verse, the sudden bursting into song or Haitian Creole, while listening to Pray For Haiti for the first time.  I imagine you would be blown away.   Even being familiar with his catalogue, many were blown away by what was probably the most “accessible” project in Mach’s discography.

The album that officially elevated Mach from mysterious underground shadow figure to slightly more mainstream mysterious underground shadow figure, here on Pray For Haiti we find Mach-Hommy at his most controlled and confident, at times sliding over tracks with a swagger that could only be described as Hov-esque.  While comparing Mach to Shawn Carter may sound absurd (or maybe worse yet, double-stanning for both artists!), they each have a knack for saying so much with brevity.  Mach doesn’t need to weave a complicated verse about the advice that JAY-Z gave him...his station in life right now is best summed up by simply referencing that he spoke to Hov, but he’s not going to tell us any more about the conversation.  Pray For Haiti works so well thanks to Mach-Hommy’s expertise at deciding what cards he shows us, and what additional cards he may have handy...but is probably going to hold onto until we meet again.

The album also works thanks to a number of other factors, such as the star making turns of next generation Griselda allies like Nicholas Craven and Conductor Williams, and of course the reliable guiding hand of Westside Gunn.  Mach and Westside reconnecting at the start of 2021 was almost as big of a story as the success of Pray For Haiti, so much so that the threat of future work between Mach-Hommy and the Griselda camp feels as potent as the strongest moments on Haiti.  Many fans of the artists involved didn’t actually believe that the album was dropping, right up until the moment that it actually dropped.  Once it did, many were surprised at how seamless the pieces fit together...but not Westside and Mach.  Both men value art and their contributions to the genre, they take the responsibility of putting music into the world very seriously, and when the type of musical chemistry they have exists, it shouldn’t be such a surprise that they can crank out a great rap album after relatively brief time spent in the studio once again.  

To them, not much has changed.  But to us?  Mach-Hommy was just interviewed in GQ magazine....so yeah, a helluva lot has changed.  Lucky us.

Yeah, you made it - 10 down, only 115 more to go! 🙌

***Here Are The Rest of My Top 225***....

11. Don and Von by Tanya Morgan

12. Balens Cho (Hot Candles) by Mach-Hommy

13. WEIGHT OF THE WORLD by MAXO KREAM

14. Affable with Pointed Teeth by YUNGMORPHEUS & Eyedress

15. With The Shifts by Maassai

16. Death and the Magician by DJ Muggs & Rome Streetz

17. Van Goghs Left Ear by ZeLooperZ

18. Free Dem Boyz by 42 Dugg

19. True Sky by AKAI SOLO & Navy Blue

20. Double Down by Nappy Nina & J Words

21. Bo Jackson by Boldy James & The Alchemist

22. All The Brilliant Things by Skyzoo

23. TIME by Your Old Droog

24. Street Dream Team by Good Gas x Fki 1st x BandGang Lonnie Bands

25. Joyland by STIK FIGA & Conductor Williams

26. Splash Bandicoot by Rahiem Supreme x Al.divino

27. Navy’s Reprise by Navy Blue

28. Bigger Than Life Or Death by EST Gee

29. Spacebar by Your Old Droog

30. End of the Earth by Mavi

31. King’s Disease 2 by Nas & Hit-Boy

32. SZNZ by Mother Nature & BoatHouse

33. Unlearning Vol. 1 by Evidence

34. Wicked Man's Reprise by Sideshow 

35. HAMMERABI by al.divino x Mr. Rose

36. Voice of the Heroes by Lil Durk & Lil Baby

37. I GOT BANDZ FOR THE MOONLANDIN' by Semiratruth

38. The House Is Burning by Isaiah Rashad

39. Dope Game Stupid by Bruiser Wolf

40. Hindsgiht by Breeze Brewin & Juggaknots

41. UNKind. by Jay NiCE, DooF & Sadhu Gold

42. Imaginary Everything by L’Orange & Namir Blade

43. DONDA by Kanye West

44. GUMBO’! by Pink Siifu

45. DIVINENATION by Sleeper Sinatra

46. Super Tecmo Bo by Boldy James & The Alchemist

47. Real Late by Peter Rosenberg (and Various Artists)

48. Stray From The Pack by J Scienide & Kev Brown

49. Smoke Sessions 3 by Lord Apex

50. the phantom of paradise. by Remy Banks

51. SERENITY by Tokyo Cigar (and Various Artists)

52. Charlie Pope by Dark Lo & V Don

53. GOD GOKU JAY-Z by J.U.S.

54. Little Robert Hutton by Curly Castro

55. telephone booth by NAH & Wiki

56. EGO by Guilty Simpson & Gensu Dean

57. The Part & Parcel by Teller Bank$ & Ed Glorious

58. Michigan Boy Boat by Lil Yachty

59. C O T I (The Course of the Inevitable) by Lloyd Banks

60. KiltValee by Valee & KiltKarter

61. Sometimes I Might Be Introvert by Little Simz

62. ENOUGH TO PLAGUE A SAINT by Body Bag Ben & J Scienide

63. WINNERTIME by Papo2oo4

64. Fiend Lives Matter by Rio Da Yung Og

65. The Fraud Department by Jim Jones & Harry Fraud

66. The Off-Season by J. Cole

67. Bigger Than Life Or Death Part 2 by EST Gee

68. A Stream of Consciousness by Jay NiCE & Machacha

69. Why Look Up, God’s In The Mirror by Lukah

70. Call Me When You're Outside by Steel Tipped Dove

71. The Truth Hurts by Drakeo the Ruler [R.I.P.!]

72. 1997 by Chester Watson

73. Unfuckwitable (Deluxe) by Babyface Ray

74. P.S. by Nolan The Ninja

75. The Prophecy Is My Present by Asun Eastwood & THETWINNING

76. Magneto Was Right: Issue #8 by Raz Fresco

77. For My Mama And Anyone Who Looks Like Her by McKinley Dixon

78. Blood Stained Pages by Pro Zay

79. The Lightwork EP by AKAI SOLO, YL & Roper Williams

80. En Route (Deluxe) by Mfn Melo & squeakPIVOT & Pivot Gang

81. The Pen for Whom The Words Moves by Teller Bank$

82. Motion by G.T.

83. BL2 by Aakeem Eshú

84. Phresh Waves by Rim

85. Like It Or Love It by Papo2oo4

86. Latrinalia by Rob Sonic

87. Genesis 1:27 by Rome Streetz & ANKHLEJOHN

88. East of MacVicar Ave by STIK FIGA & DJ Sean P

89. Can U Get Your Supervisor? by Lil Kydd

90. WINTER 2 by DJ Muggs & Various Artists

91. Do the Math by Medhane

92. Vince Staples by Vince Staples

93. Faygo Baby by Kipp Stone

94. Rule of Thirds by Planet Asia & Evidence

95. A CONSTANT CONDENSATION by amani

96. Fat N*ggas Need Love Too by Bfb Da Packman

97. The Crashing Sound of How It Goes by Cities Aviv

98. Grace Park Legend (Deluxe) by Huey Briss & Nikobeats

99. Infinite Lawn by Mimz the Magnificent & Dunn

100. Stop Calling Art Content by Grafh

101. Built For Whatever by Tee Grizzley

102. Doe or Die 2 by AZ

103. Gooch is God & God is Everything by DrxQuinnx

104. Giovanni’s Way by Payroll Giovanni

105. Black Encyclopedia of the Air by Moor Mother

106. Fell Asleep Praying by Archibald Slim

107. BYAKUGAN! by Estee Nack

108. VIP by Pros Ap & V.I.

109. Vegas Vic by ZILLA ROCCA

110. If It Bleeds It Can Be Killed by Big Ghost Ltd. & Conway

111. $mokebreak EP by Pink Siifu & Fly Anakin

112. Don’t Go Tellin’ Your Momma by Topaz Jones

113. Forever 21 by EBK Young Joc

114. The Hour of Khrysis by Khrysis

116. No Cosign Just Cocaine 4 by Ty Farris

117. Super What? by CZARFACE & MF DOOM

118. The Color Blu(e) by Blu

119. N.O.A.H. by Quentin Ahmad DaGod

120. PortisHus by Hus Kingpin

121. 100 Miles & Walk-in by Rx Papi

122. Rx by Rasheed Chappell & Xp the Marxman

123. Panagnl4e, Vol. 3 by Los & Nutty

124. Angelic Hoodrat: Supercut by Kenny Mason

125. Elephant In The Room by Mick Jenkins

126. Free Rio by Peezy

127. Slaps & Hugs by Ayun Bassa & Jacob Rochester

128. Fire In Little Africa by Fire In Little Africa

129. Santa Barbara by Fat Ray

130. Hall Of Fame 2.0 by Polo G

131. Blacklight by Apollo Brown & Stalley

132. The Novelty of Standards by Jamal Gasol & Bass Reevez

133. Viktor by Jameel Na'imx & Mephux

134. GoFundMe Corvette by J.U.S

135. Borrowed Time by Dark Lo & Harry Fraud

136. 8WRLD by Sure Shot, of Dunbar

137. Load Bearing Crow’s Feet by Premrock

138. Narcotics Anonymous by WB Nutty

139. Punk by Young Thug

140. Keep Watching the Fly by Willie The Kid

141. The TrAppiEst Disco Music Ever! by Valee & AYOCHILLMANNN

142. Gangster Doodles: Gangster Music Vol. 2 by Various Artists

143. Lake Effect by Sango & Waldo

144. Beautifully Black by Lord Jah-Monte & Navy Blue

145. the Light Emitting Diamond Cutter Scriptures by R.A.P. Ferreira

146. The Tape Nobody Made by Ambassador Rick of The Opioid Era

147. Christina Shauntay’ by Backwood Sweetie

148. Ree Louis by Henny L.O.

149. Trapped Out, Vol. 1 by Guttafats

150. Book of Changes by Noveliss & Dixon Hill

151. A Train Grows In Brooklyn by Big Ghost Ltd. & Eddie Kaine

152. Krazy Man by Drego

153. DR. EV4L by Young Nudy

154. La Maquina by Conway the Machine

155. Richer Than I Ever Been by Rick Ross

156. Amongst Wolves by Smoovth & Giallo Point

157. Culture over Corporate,Volume 3 by Uptown XO

158. Certified Lover Boy by Drake

159. IT’S REMBLE by Remble

160. Same Energy by Bizzy Banks

161. War Zone by Fmb Dz

162. Untreated Trauma by Mozzy

163. B=MC2 by David Bars & Mono En Stereo

164. WORLD TOUR MAFIA OR DIE by World Tour Mafia

165. All Hail the King by Fashawn & Sir Veterano

166. Tha YOD Fahim by Your Old Droog & Tha God Fahim

167. WORD? by Atmosphere

168. War On Drugs by Los

169. Thumbing Thru Foliage by YUNGMORPHEUS & ewonee

170. Purple Dawn 2 by Deziner Drugz

171. Budget Cuts 3: Still Broke by SeKwence & KillerKane

172. I Died For This!? by Grip

173. Ice Daddy by Gucci Mane

174. Slime Language 2 by Young Stoner Life [Various Artists]

175. Hidden Treasure by Knowledge The Pirate

176. Still Gangin by DaBoii & Slimmy B [SOB]

177. Wake Ups by Rigz

178. Legend Laws of Power by Vic Spencer & Supa Sounds

179. Coup De Grace by Rome Streetz & Ransom

180. American Cheese by DJ Muggs & Hologram

181. SODA CLUB by YL

182. No Days Off by Lando Bando & The Hip Hop Lab

183. When The Black Hand Touches You by Lukah

184. In The Beginning The Was Kaos by Kaos the Baker & Lord Jah-Monte Ogbon

185. Call Me G.T. by G.T.

186. Starshooter by Shooter Gang KONY

187. Bad For Press by Van Buren Records

188. Why So Slick 4 by Four50

189. Rockstar Lifestyle by WTM DaeMoney

190. Wikipedia (Deluxe) by Shawny Binladen

191. Bin Reaper 2 by Babytron

192. Still Stoned On Ocean by Curren$y

193. ROGUE RAPS by O Dawg & Wavy Da Ghawd

194. Bushido by Mello Music Group [Various Artists]

195. New Man by Saga Asad & August Fanon

196. The Cook Up by Kmoneybeats

197. Se7en by Ransom

198. 4NEM by Chief Keef

199. Hey Tony by Tony Seltzer

200. Standing On Business by Skilla Baby

201. I Can’t Make This Shit Up by Shaudy Kash

202. Rookie Of The Year by Lil Eazzyy

203. Secret Wars by Raz Fresco & Dibia$e

204. Famili 2 by RU$H & JayNiCE

205. The Quiet Life 2 by Fresh Daily

206. Dum and Dummer 2 by Young Dolph [R.I.P.!] & Key Glock

207. Gold Mouf by Lute

208. Soul Trap by Tree

209. Not Dead yet! by Lou From Paradise

210. Play 2 Win by G Perico

211. Just Because 2 by Damjonboi

212. Good Product by Koncept Jack$on & Bane Capital

214. Wreckage Manner by Styles P & Havoc

215. Welcome To Beecher by YSR Gramz

216. Dirty Designer by dj lucas, subjxct & Papo2oo4

217. Heavy Is The Head by Ransom & Big Ghost Ltd

218. Xenophon by Theravada

219. HOFFA by Dave East & Harry Fraud

220. Heatin’ Up by Li Heat

221. Gzus Haze by Gzus Piece & Jae Haze

222. Pressure by Big Jade

222. My Name is 2 by 2

223. Clan Virus 2 by BlueBucksClan

224. Block Work by Milano Constantine & Dj Swet

225. Like Yay by Big Yavo

***Honorable Mentions (all of these artists released great work in 2021 that deserves more recognition...but I felt that a list of 225 albums was already a bit much) - in no particular order***:

Best rap albums: harvey_dug, Key Glock, Starker & Al.Divino, CRIMEAPPLE, Dt Blanco, Sauce Walka, FLEE, Skunkz, Kareem Idris & Ohbliv, Ralfy The Plug, Baby Keem, UFO Fev, Cise Greeny, YOUNG SLO-BE, DijahSB, Dave, Quadry, tony tone, Elcamino, Papoose, RU$H, Lucki, LPB Poody, Jae Skeese, Cee Gee, Rxk Nephew, Bobby Fishscale, Pharoahe Monch & Th1rt3en, VRN Hayes, Tony Shhnow, LordMobb, Pooh Sheisty, Recognize Ali, Flee Lord, Curren$y (he’s already on the above list but the 40 other dope tapes that he dropped this year also warrant another shout-out), Plex Diamonds, Monday Night & Russo Beats, Big Scarr, Cash Kidd, All-star Jr., Agallah, Larry June, Young Dolph, Sidestreet Capo & Shooterz Musik, Wrecking Crew, EkillaOffDaBlock, Surf Gang, Wavy Da Gawd, Blaq Kush / URBVN ARCHITECTS, Kai Fortyfive, Flee Lord, Planet Asia (he had several dope releases), Big Twins, Styles P, Ponae, Duke Deuce, Solemn Brigham, NA$TY, CRUZIN, Lewis Parker, Marv Won, CEO Trayle, aasir, Zaytoven, Tedy Andreas, Roadrunner Glockboyz, T.F, Xanman, Udababy, Trapland Pat, god’s kitchen 1984, Saga, Don Perrion, Nuk, Marcellus, Young Crazy, Neek The Exotic & Large Professor, NAPPYNAPPA, G Herbo, CHASETHEMONEY, Dat Boi Vic, Teejayx6 & Lex Luger, Lil CJ KASINO, Rollin Ajay, Tafia, Beneficience, K.J., Toney Boi, Baby Money, Bronze Nazareth, 22gz, Migos, Bobby Sessions, D Smoke, BVNGS, YN Jay, Mickey Factz, KrispyLife Kidd, Bub Rock, Daboii, Mirtaw, Moneybagg Yo, doof & NCL-TM, MoneyMonk, D Flowers & Deebaby, Fatboi Sharif, Fatboyshaun & Trox, and many, many more...

If you made it this far you’re a hero and a hip-hop head of fine taste.  Thanks & peace to all.  🙏

See also:

https://therappundit.tumblr.com/post/669580372652310528/the-top-5-rap-verses-of-2021-the-pundits

https://therappundit.tumblr.com/post/656020494530854912/best-of-the-1st-half-of-2021-song-edition

https://therappundit.tumblr.com/post/649527317251670016/best-of-the-1st-quarter

https://therappundit.tumblr.com/post/638904640503726080/the-best-rap-songs-of-2020-great-songs-that

[jxtina-86]

Bang

Reasons why you should always think before you speak. RomanReigns/Alexia. See here for the rest of the series/order to read

Warning: Smut/Language

Rating: MA

Lex's POV

I fucked up.

I really did. And I don't know if there is a way back from this. I didn't think it was my fault. Not at first. But the more I think about it... Maybe I am to blame. I should have stepped away from the situation. I should have gone to the bathroom, gone to check on Roman, gone back to the god damn hotel room.

Instead, I stayed. And now here we are. On vacation of all places and all I can think of is what happened just a few days ago. It's still so raw, so fresh in my memory. Surely he must feel the same? I mean, why else would he be acting like this? The distance, the inability to communicate, the fact that we've barely touched each other by accident in the last few days, let alone deliberately.

And it's all my fault.

**

Roman's arm is slung around my shoulders, hugging me into his body as I sip my drink. My pre-vacation drink to be exact. Seven blissful days lie ahead of us, seven days of sun, sea and sand. Seven days without cell phones, the outside world, WWE or anyone else. Just us.

I don't think we've ever had seven days to ourselves. Not consecutively at any rate. Days together are scraped together. We wrangle the life out of those 24 hours, not daring to rest for a minute for fear of wasting time. It's intense and I love it, but this? This will be a rare occasion to take our time, to appreciate lazy minutes and hours. To just be, rather than do, do, do. To escape into oblivion, rather than just the sanctity of our own four walls.

His hand squeezes my shoulder and I glance up at him. He smiles, bending his head to brush his lips over mine. Pulling back, he gives me another smile and then reaches forward for his own drink.

Forget the seven days that lie before us, I'm still getting over the last three on the road with him and the rest of the roster. Some may not count shifting between three cities in the last three days a vacation – in fact, even Shiv thinks I'm mad every time I get excited for a few days on the road. But I can't even begin to describe how amazing it is to spend time with Roman during the minimum downtime he gets. I like being there with him when he falls asleep at night and wakes in the morning. It's such a rare thing for us to have, that I savour every moment. And even if I only get him for a few hours between media gigs, workouts and shows, it's preferable to being at home and not being able to see him for those few hours a day.

Roman's cellphone begins to vibrate on the table. He reaches for it and I see 'Mom' flash across the screen.

“Sorry, baby girl, I won't be long...” He pecks my cheek as he pushes back his chair and answers the phone. “Hey, Mom, what's up?”

He's silent for a second and then: “Hang on, it's too noisy in here.” He nods towards the hotel lobby and I wave him away.

I settle back in my chair and take another sip of my drink. Our bags are packed, by the door, all ready to go in less than eight hours. I flip over my own cellphone and note the time. Weighing my drink in my hand, I take another long sip to empty it. Pulling the hotel keycard towards me, I go to stand.

“You bailing already?”

I turn to face the voice, meeting the smirk and blue eyes. Dolph Ziggler slides into Roman's vacated chair, casually draping his arm over the back of my chair.

“It's late, we've got an early start,” I smile, clutching the phone and keycard tightly.

“Ah, yes, the vacation. Speaking of the big man, where's he got to? Kinda rude to leave a lady alone.”

“He just went to take a call,” I say, gesturing towards the hotel lobby. “In fact, I think I'll–”

“Hey, what's the rush? You don't wanna sit and talk to me, I'm offended, Lexi.”

I frown, a wave of uneasiness washing over me as he uses the one name that only Roman calls me. Not even Shiv calls me Lexi. Not even my own family call me Lexi.

“You don't want to offend me, do you?” He gives me a wide-eyed stare, but there's something beneath the blue eyes that unsettles me further.

“Honestly, Dolph, I don't need a babysitter. I'm a big girl, I can look after myself. Why don't you go back to enjoying yourself and–“

“That's what the big man likes, huh? A bit of fire?”

“Excuse me?” I swallow hard at the insinuation. “Seriously, I'm going to get up and go now. Let's just forget this ever happened.”

I go to stand, but he quickly moves his hand to mine and pulls me back into the chair.

“Lexi, c'mon... I didn't mean anything by it. Let's start over huh? You looked lonely, I just wanted to come and chat. I just felt it a shame to see a beautiful woman like you sat on her lonesome.”

His hand is still on mine and even as I try to move away, his grip tightens.

“Let go,” I tell him firmly. His forehead crinkles for a second before he raises his hands in surrender.

“You're a tetchy lil' thing, aren't you?” he grins. “I can see why Roman likes you.”

“You're doing it again.” My teeth are gritted, my whole body awash with tension.

“Doing what? I'm just speaking the truth, Lexi. A beautiful, strong woman like you.” His eyes drop from my face and I shift uncomfortably as I feel them rove over my body. I suddenly regret the floaty summer dress that dips low on my chest and rides high on my thighs. I brush my hands over the hem, tugging it as low as possible.

“You're making me uncomfortable.”

He leans closer and a wave of nausea washes over me as I smell the alcohol on his breath. “Let me fix that...”

His hand brushes over my thigh, his fingers gripping firm. I knock his hand away with mine, but he just settles back again a few seconds later, his time with a firmer grip. I pry his hand away.

“Dolph, seriously. You're going to regret this. I really think–”

“Think what, Lexi? C'mon, babe, lighten up... Just a bit of fun.”

His hand creeps higher this time and I flinch as his fingers find flesh. I grip his hand tightly, prising it away, but he holds on fast.

“You're hurting me!” I glance up at him and then over his shoulder.

I freeze. Roman is stood at the entrance to the bar, phone in hand, midway between his ear and pocket. His face is contorted into an expression that makes him almost unrecognisable to me.

Suddenly, Dolph's strength is nothing compared to mine. I pull his hand away and stand up, my legs shaking. I can't look away from Roman, whose eyes bore deep into mine. Dolph is completely unaware, his hand brushing against my leg as I stumble over the chair to get some distance between us.

Roman stalks towards us, roughly jamming his phone into his pocket.

“Hey, what's going on?” His voice is cold, unflinching as his eyes finally leave me and settle on Dolph.

“Oh, hey big man,” Dolph remains seated, sprawling back in the chair. “I was just keeping your girl company.”

“Is that so?” Roman crosses his arms, his biceps flexing. “And in your head, keeping my girl company, means putting your dirty little hands on her?”

“Ro, c'mon... He's drunk. He...” I stumble to a halt as Roman's eyes flicker back to me. His expression is as cold as his voice.

He doesn't say anything to me, he just looks back at Dolph. “Answer me.”

Dolph finally stands, pulling himself as tall as he can, yet failing to meet Roman by a couple of inches. “Relax, bro. I didn't mean anything by it. I was just being friendly.”

“Funny kind of friendly,” Roman growls. “You touch her again, in fact, you even speak to her again, I won't be anywhere near as forgiving.”

“I was just keeping her company.”

“Maybe she didn't want your company.”

“And maybe she did.”

I feel my eyes widen. “Ro, let's go. Just leave it, okay?”

But Roman's eyes are still on Dolph. “What did you say?”

“I said, maybe she did.”

I push past the chairs, placing myself between the two men. “Ro, seriously. Let's go. Now.”

“Go on, Ro,” Dolph's voice is mocking behind me. “Do as your girl says.”

I can feel the tension in Roman's chest as I press my hand against him, pushing him away from the situation.

“You're a cocky son of a bitch,” Roman hisses above me. “You better watch your fucking step, Ziggler.”

“Ro, leave it.” I shove him back again, desperate to create some distance between us and Dolph, who starts to chuckle behind me.

“Yeah, yeah. Bring your little firecracker too. She can tell you to back off when the going gets rough.”

Roman surges forward, brushing me aside. His fists are clenched, ready to rise and strike. Dolph at least as the sense to back away himself, raising his hands in surrender. Roman hisses something I don't catch, but whatever he says does the trick. Dolph falls back into his chair, his face a picture-perfect pout. Roman turns back to me, but he doesn't meet my eyes. As he brushes past, his hand catches my arm and he pulls me along with him, out of the bar and into the lobby.

His fingers dig in hard as we head for the elevator. Only when we're standing still and waiting for the doors to open, do I manage to wrench my arm free.

“Ro, what's gotten into you?”

He doesn't answer, just stares stoically ahead.

“Ro. Talk to me. He was being a jerk, a drunk jerk at that. He was stupid, of course he was, but I don't think he meant anything by it.”

I watch his jaw flinch as the elevator arrives and we board. The climb to our floor is excruciatingly slow and silent. I open my mouth several times to speak and then think better of it. I wouldn't say that I've really seen this side of Roman before now. A glimpse here and there of frustration and anger. But not rage. Never rage. Even when we've had our own arguments, it's never escalated to this. To jaw-clenching silence. To clenched fists.

Arguments between the two of us are usually over petty things. Things that don't matter. There's a half-hour cooling off period and then the silence and tension are broken and we're back to how we were before, giggling at our own stupidity, trying to work out what we were arguing over in the first place. But this? This feels different. There's a third party involved and I'm stuck in the middle.

The door pings open and he stalks down the corridor, leaving me to quicken my pace to keep up. At the hotel door, I pass him the keycard and he jerks it from my grasp.

“Ro,” I try again as the door clicks shut behind me. “Talk to me.”

“What did he mean by 'maybe she did'?”

His words hit me like a ton of bricks. “You're joking, right?”

“I saw, Lex.” His voice is clipped, still cold.

“Saw what? I was pushing him away.”

“Were you?”

“Yes!”

He's silent.

“You... You don't believe me?” My voice is quiet, filled with doubt, regret, worry.

“All I know is what I saw. I walk back into the bar and see his hand on your thigh, with your hand on top of it. He's all up in your space and you looked...” He trails off.

“You going to finish that sentence?” I snap. “Are you at all interested in my side of the story? I'm your fucking girlfriend. Do you really think I would do anything, anything at all, to encourage what he did? Think about it.”

His silence is deafening.

“We spend a fair amount of time apart, Ro. And have I ever accused you of anything quite like this? I'm not stupid. I know what guys like you get offered. I'm not naïve. But I have the good grace to not think the worst of you. In fact, the thought has never crossed my mind.” I pause, inhaling deeply, desperately trying to calm down. “I trust you. But do you trust me? Because the second some guy who's not been Reigns-approved speaks to me, you're all fucking over it. And to top it off, you throw accusations at me as well.”

“You defended him.”

“To stop you from doing something you'd regret! He was drunk, he was being a jerk, I told him to back off and he didn't. So I told him again and pushed him away. I was handling it. I've handled it before–“

“Before?” His head snaps up. “What happened before?”

“I didn't mean–”

“Who else are you defending?”

“Drunk guys in bars, Ro. Drunk guys who think they're their God's fucking gift and decide to hit on anything with two fucking legs. I'm just saying, that I can deal with it.”

“Who hit on you?”

“This is what you're focusing on? Really? Anonymous drunk guys. What's wrong with you?”

“Forgive me for wanting to be a protective boyfriend.”

“I don't need protecting,” I grit out, sick of sounding like a broken record.

“So you keep saying. Seems to me like you do.”

“Well, you did a fine job of that, pissing like a fucking dog.”

“Ziggler needs to know his place.”

“Y'know, I really don't want to be involved in your locker-room battles.” I kick off my shoes and push past him, heading towards the bathroom. “I'll be the fucking grown-up here. You take a moment to mull this over in that thick head of yours.”

I slam the door behind me and then rest against it, fighting back the tears.

I know exactly what goes on when I'm not here. I know about the girls that hang out by the parking lot exit and clamour to get the attention of the guys as they leave. I know about the girls who hunt them out at hotel bars, at dive bars, at restaurants. I know how they casually just slip their numbers into hands, willing or otherwise, with a promise of a good night. I know how they tell them to forget their girlfriends, their wives, their families. I know that in the eyes of many, I'm a pain in the backside. I am a thorn that needs to be plucked and disposed of just so they can get their 15 minutes of fame.

Some will crack. Some will accept it as part of the job, take them up on the offer even. It can be a lonely life and sometimes all you want and crave is a warm body to keep you company for a few hours.

But I trust that Roman isn't like that. If he was once, then that's not my place to judge. One could say that our initial relationship wasn't dissimilar to a casual hook up. I'm not innocent either. I'm not about to act all fucking pious over anyone's decision to have a one-night stand with a groupie or otherwise. If no one's getting hurt, participants or bystanders, then what's the problem?

I trust Roman. I trust him with my life. I trust that he doesn't hurt me. I trust that he does love me and doesn't want anyone other than me. And in return, he does the same. Or so I thought. Maybe not.

It never crossed my mind that he could have the same worries that flicker through the back of my mind. That he wonders what happens when I go to a conference or when I'm on a night out without him. But the fact that he thinks that, unnerves me, angers me. I feel disgusted that he would even dare to think that. Because I know he would be the same if I ever accused him.

His words buzz around my head and I'm incredulous that they even came from his mouth. I thought we were stronger than this. I thought that this is the sort of thing that would get ironed out in the early stages, rather than rearing its head two years down the line. It makes me wonder what else is going on. Is there something that I'm not aware of? Is there a hidden tension creeping into our relationship that I can't put my finger on? Have I pushed him away recently? Have I said something to put doubt into his head?

I sink to the floor and rock my head forward and back. I listen for sounds beyond the door. But it's silent. I can almost see him stood in the same position. If I opened the door right now, I wonder what would happen. But there's no way I'm making the first move. This is his fuck up to fix. I can't do anything more to convince him. And if he wants to believe what he sees rather than what he hears, then so be it. That's his choice. That's his idiotic choice.

I hear the bed creak and my heart sinks. Is he seriously just going to let this fester until tomorrow? I hate going to bed on the back of an argument, especially one like this. I appreciate the cooling-off period, but this?

I get to my feet and place my hand on the doorknob and then stop.

Anger flares inside of me again. No. Two can play this game. I can give as good as I get. I'm a stubborn bitch. And if he wants to play chicken with this, then fine. I'm a worthy opponent.

I strip and get in the shower, taking my time. He can stew. I can stew. In fact, I can stew longer than him. I'll take my sweet fucking time, deliberating over what to do next. He can fucking beg for my forgiveness. He can get down on his knees and tell me over and over again how sorry he is. And I'll let him do it. I'll draw it out for as long as possible. He wants to make me feel like this? Then I'll do the same to him.

An eye for an eye.

**

Roman is buried under the covers when I finally emerge from the bathroom. I pad across the room and dump my clothes by our cases. He doesn't stir, but his breathing gives him away.

He isn't asleep. And this is further confirmed when I climb into bed next to him and accidentally brush my foot against his leg. I feel him flinch at the touch and my resolve threatens to break. But I steel myself and roll away from him.

I close my eyes and beg for sleep. But minutes tick past and I'm still wide awake, my mind humming restlessly as I listen to his breathing. Anger still pumps through my veins and I'll be damned if I'm going to crack now. But guilt occasionally washes over me and it takes everything I have not to reach out to him.

I drift in and out, stirring awake with a sudden jolt as I feel him shift beside me.

“Lex?” His voice has lost the coolness, the bitterness. It's a voice that I recognise at last, but I still don't let myself believe it.

“Lex?” I feel him roll over, his hand brushing over my arm. “You awake?”

I murmur in response.

“I'm sorry. I didn't mean to accuse you. You aren't to blame for any of this. I swear to God, I'm sorry. Lex?”

I don't trust myself to answer. If he thinks this is good enough...

“I shouldn't have blown up at you like that. I shouldn't have said what I said. I was angry at Ziggler. He's such...” he trails off. “He doesn't matter, okay? He was drunk, I know. And I know that I was wrong to not trust you. I... I just saw red when I saw him touching you. And then he said what he said and it just got to me. It shouldn't have, but it did and I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Lex.”

“Okay,” is all I can say. The relief that washes over me is still marred with his original comments. The fact that he could say it, no matter how sorry he is now, still means that he thought it. I don't care how much he regrets them, they still made their way into his mind at some point. He felt that way at some point tonight and I don't understand why or how he can think that about me.

That's what hurts the most.

“I need you to know how sorry I am.” His hand is still on my arm, his fingers feather-light against my skin.

“I know.”

I move my arm away from his touch. I can feel him deflate next to me.

“I'm sorry,” he says again, his voice cracking ever so slightly.

“I know.”

He's quiet and then: “I don't know what else to say.”

“Then don't say anything,” I shoot back, rolling onto my side and facing away from him. Because even in the dark shadows of the room, I know that if I even cast him a sideways look, I won't be able to stay resolute for long.

“Baby girl...” His hand rubs my back and I almost melt at his touch. “Please... Don't stay mad at me. I'm sorry, you have to believe me.”

“I believe you.”

“You accept my apology?”

“I do. I'm just tired, Ro. We gotta get up in four hours and I'd like some sleep before then.”

I feel him move closer, his lips brushing over the back of my head. “I'm sorry.”

**

That was the last time he touched me. We headed to the airport the following morning, conversation in the cab stilted and awkward. On the plane, I stared at the mini TV screen in front of me whilst he put on headphones and closed his eyes. It was the longest five hours of my life.

And now we're here, stuck in a private villa with only each other to speak to. Not that we're doing much of that. It's polite conversation all the way and lounging in the sun with our heads in books or headphones on. Dinner is the only time we're forced to speak and the conversation is back-breaking.

His apology only went so far. And I'm fighting an internal battle between head and heart over the entire affair. His stinging words are just too strong to let go of. His apology was too late. His silence on the subject ever since has spoken loudly and clearly. I shouldn't have done what I did. The thing that I've always sworn I'd never do: accept an apology without really accepting it. It's what I did. I told him I was fine. I told him that I was okay when really I was still crumbling and I haven't been able to re-build myself since.

I should have told him that. I should have rolled over and looked at him and told him how he made me feel. I should have explained to him why I was hurting.

But instead, I was a first-class bitch about the entire thing and accepted his apology to... To shut him up, I suppose. Because I didn't want to crack. Because I was being selfish with my own emotions. I know I'm to blame for why this vacation is a total disaster. I know I'm the one who should be apologising to him for all of this. But I just can't bring myself to do that.

He's always said he loves my independence, my righteousness. And here I am, giving it to him with all guns blazing. I'm pretty sure he didn't quite mean this. There's a difference between speaking your mind or standing up for yourself and being a stubborn cow who won't admit when she's wrong. And I know that. We all know that. But I'm just too stubborn to stop being stubborn.

I take a deep, shaky breath and gaze out at the sunset. I've fucked this up and I don't know if there's a way back.

**

Roman's POV

I fucked up.

Me and my big mouth, with my foot, firmly wedged in between. I'm a hot-head, always have been, always will be. But I've always managed to control it. But that night? Calm and rational were words that I couldn't grasp the meaning of. All I could see was his hand on her thigh. That's all I could zone in on. And her hand on top of it.

The latter is what threw me. As the angry haze settled over my vision, all I could think is why she wasn't pushing him away. It seemed like her hand was frozen on his. And it was only when she saw me that she pushed him off and backed away. My mind and heart were running at different speeds, unable to keep up with what was happening as I strode across the room.

I was struggling to keep my shit together. I could see Ziggler's larger than life pupils, knew his normal arrogant demeanour was perpetuated by his inability to hold his liquor. But that wasn't an excuse. It's never an excuse. I was on the verge of punching him. How dare he even try anything with Lex? How dare he even think himself worthy of her time? He should be so fucking lucky. And then she pushed herself between us, pushed me back and for a split second, I'd forgotten what he'd said, what he had suggested. I was ready to pull her into my arms, go back to the hotel room and forget about the whole thing.

But he pushed, he taunted and I couldn't contain myself. Something inside me switched and my vision was a blur of green and red. Jealous rage, the worst rage of all surged through me and I couldn't help myself. It wasn't until the last second, that my heart pulled me up and I punched with my voice rather than my fists. A little threat, a reminder that will hopefully stay with him when he sobers up. Not that I was around to find out.

No, I was doing my best to apologise for what followed.

I truly am a dick. I don't even know why I started to accuse her. All I could see was her hand on his. The way that she does with my hand when she wants it somewhere. The way she moves it to her thigh and encourages me to dig my fingers in tight as we fuck. Her hand always remains on top of mine as she relishes the feeling. My brain made the most epic of miscalculations.

Even as the words tumbled from my mouth, I regretted them. I watched her face crumple before me and I wanted to take them back, but I was on a roll and I couldn't stop poking the fire until she pushed me away and shut me out.

The second that door slammed shut, I knew it was too late. There was nothing I could say at that point that would make it any better. I'd well and truly fucked it up and there was no going back. How can you take back words like that? How can you convince someone that you trust them with every ounce of your being and that would never for one second think that they would hurt you like that? I'd shattered her belief in me, in herself, in us. I had put my faith in the words of an over-grown, drunk frat boy and not in the facts stated by the one person in my life who always strives to see the best in me and us.

How do we come back from this?

I thought, maybe stupidly, that I could make this better with an apology. It was agonising, lying next to her, listen to her restless breathing. Her leg against mine had made me jump and she'd instantly rolled away from me. I mentally kicked myself for being so stupid. There was so much I wanted to say, but couldn't. I wanted to reach out and pull her into my arms and show her how sorry I was, but even as I brushed my hand over her arm, I could feel the coolness, the distance. When she pulled away, I thought my heart was going to break.

So I told her. I told her how sorry I was, all the while hoping and praying that she believed me. Her responses were short and collected. I couldn't read her in the darkness, I had nothing to go off but her voice. But the more I think about it now, the less sure I am that she really has accepted my apology. But what else can I do?

I've fucked up this vacation. This was supposed to be time to catch up with each other, to take a moment with each other and here we are, barely able to remain civil. And it's not just the lack of words that are getting to me. No, it's the living situation too. It's being so close, yet unable to touch.

Despite the air conditioning, the nights are still hot and we're both forced into sleeping naked. I lay there on the first night, watching her chest rise and fall in the moonlight, her bare breasts exposed to me as she'd pushed the sheets down to her stomach. It was fucking torture.

And the bathroom... Without a fucking door. Every morning, I can see her showering, jealously rising in me as water cascades over her beautiful form and yet I can't do anything about it. All I want in the world right now is to be able to gather her in my arms without fear of sparking another heated argument. All I want is to show her how much she means to me. I want to make love to her on every fucking surface in this villa.

I need her. I want her.

And I can't have her.

Because I said something stupid and I can't take it back.

Take right now. I emerge from the villa and quietly take a seat on the sun lounger, watching her watch the sunset from the infinity pool. Her hair is bundled on top of her head, exposing the tie of her bikini at the back of her neck. She rests her chin on her hands as she gazes off into the distance, her back to me. I have no idea what's running through her head right now, but I pray to God that I can do something about it.

She sighs softly and raises her hands to drag them over her face. The gesture unnerves me and I realise that perhaps she's doing the same as me. Reliving that night over and over again, going over what was said, how it was said, why it was said. Desperately trying to re-write the script but to no avail. I've kicked myself many times over the last few days, wished that I had just taken her back to the hotel room and checked she was okay, that Ziggler hadn't hurt her. Blowing up at him was one thing, but at her? It's unforgivable.

Lex's head rocks forward and I swear I see her body start to tremble. I can't contain myself anymore, striding across to the pool without a second thought. Tugging my shirt off, I head down the steps into the warm water and slowly make my way towards her. She doesn't move and I wonder if she's aware of my presence.

My question is answered when I reach out and brush my fingertips over her shoulders; she jumps, quickly turning. My breath catches in my voice as I take in her red eyes.

“What?”

Her voice is broken and helpless.

“Baby girl...” I reach out and brush my fingers over her cheeks. “What's wrong?”

She gives me an incredulous stare and I inwardly curse. “If you don't know what's wrong, Ro, then what fucking hope do we have?”

Her words sting, but there's no bite or malice in her tone. They hit home because they're full of weary and worry and anxiety; three emotions that I am one hundred per cent responsible for.

“Lex, I'm sorry. I don't want to be the reason why you feel like this. I don't want to be the reason either of us feels like this.”

“You should have thought about that before you opened your mouth.”

I clamp my mouth shut as I steady the frustration that's threatening to burst. “I know. Ziggler just got to me. I know that I shouldn't have let him get to me like that and I know that I shouldn't have let you get caught in the cross-fire. But it happened. I'm sorry that I can't go back in time and change what happened. But I'm trying my best to apologise to you.”

She purses her lips and for a split second, I feel like I've gotten through to her once and for all. But then her eyes narrow.

“Y'know, it's not what you said, it's why you said it. You say that Ziggler got to you. Why is that?”

“I...”

“Is it because that's what you think I would do? You think I've got my eyes elsewhere, is that it? Have I done something to make you feel like that?”

“No, of course not.”

“So why did those words even cross your mind?”

“I don't know,” I admit.

“You were fixated on it. Like a fucking dog with a bone. You made me question my own actions that night. You made me think that somehow it was my fault that he came to talk to me, that he put his hand on my thigh. You made me think that it was something I had done or said. Was it the dress I was wearing? Or the way I had sipped my drink?” She takes a shaky breath. “You made me think that I was the cause of all of this.”

I reach out to brush my hand over her shoulder, to slide my arm around her and pull her to me, but she stops me with a violent jab at my chest.

“No fucking way. You don't get to come in here and act like all you did was say something you didn't mean. Do you even understand what I'm telling you? You blamed me, Roman. You made this about me when really, you are the one to blame.” She shoves me again and I let her. I let her push me away for a second.

“And you can't sit here and wallow and let me think that everything is okay when it's not.” I can't hold back anymore. “You accepted my apology. You said you believed me. What was I supposed to do? I'm not a fucking mind reader, Lex. If you felt this way, you should have told me.”

“I would have thought that it was pretty fucking obvious what do you did and how that made me feel. The fact that you haven't even thought about that–”

“It's all I can think about!” My voice echoes off the villa walls and back at us. “I messed up. Not you. I should never have said what I said, I should never have doubted you for a second. I can't even begin to understand my reasoning for saying those things to you, because I swear to God, Lex, I don't believe them. It's not what I think of you at all. You mean the world to me and all I can think about is how to make it up to you.”

“And you thought not speaking to me or touching me or doing anything with me was the answer?”

“Of course not! Christ, Lex, you're impossible sometimes.”

I regret the words the instant they leave my mouth.

“Excuse me? I'm impossible? I'm sorry that I just don't roll over and worship at your fucking feet. I'm sorry that it takes more than an apology to get my forgiveness sometimes. I'm sorry that I'm not one of those passive bitches who don't put up a fight. I thought that's what you liked, sorry, loved about me. Was that a lie too? Is this what you really think of me? That I'm the impossible one?”

I open my mouth to speak, but she cuts me off.

“No, Roman, let's talk about how impossible you are. You're a cocky bastard at the best of times, but at the worst, you're unbearable. You have this whole idea in your head of how you want me to be and whilst you're quite happy to let me be headstrong and determined, it's only when it suits you. Because otherwise, I'm an embarrassment. I make you look fucking pussy-whipped and you don't like that, do you?”

“Lex–”

But she's on a roll, firing on all cylinders. “You told me you give as good as you get. So do I, Roman. And two can play this game. You call me what you want, but I'll call you it straight back because as much as you might not want to admit it, we're cut from the same cloth.”

“You want to know why I'm so frustrated with you right now?” I cut through her monologue.

“Enlighten me.” Her voice is tight, her face emotionless. “Go on, tell me what I've done to make you this fucking angry. Tell me, so I know what I can do to fix it because it's bound to be something I did. Because-”

“Why are you still blaming yourself?”

“Because you haven't said anything to convince me otherwise! Are we having the same conversation here?”

“You call this a conversation? Christ, Lex, will you just–”

“No, don't tell me what to fucking do.”

“Marry me!”

“Are you fucking kidding me? You're joking right now. You didn't just say that. No fucking way. No, you do not get to say that to shut me up.”

“Marry me,” I repeat, my voice low.

She's silent, her mouth slightly open as my words finally sink in. I finally reach out and brush my fingers down the side of her face and then round to the back of her neck as I move closer to her.

“Marry me, Alexia.” I feel her shiver as I press my forehead against hers. “Don't blame yourself, baby girl. I'm the idiot to blame. I was in the wrong from beginning to end. Please, do one thing for me: believe me. I wouldn't ever think that of you, not even in my darkest moments. You are my fucking world, Alexia. Without you, I am nothing.”

“But...”

I shake my head against hers. “Listen to me. Please. For once, just listen. Forget all of this. Y'know why I was really angry about Ziggler? Because he threatened to ruin this week. He made us argue and I hate arguing with you. And I will spend the rest of my life apologising for what I said until you believe it from the bottom of your heart. You are worth that and so much more. If I can achieve one thing in my life, it's that you believe that I would never ever think that of you.”

“Ro... I didn't mean–”

“I know, baby girl.”

“I should have told you that–”

I shake my head again and wrap my arms around her, pulling her flush against me. “Forget it. I already have.”

“I'm sorry,” she mumbles into my chest and then she takes a breath that cracks at the edges. “Forgive me.”

I press my lips to her head in response and then nudge her until her face turns up to mine. “I'm sorry too. Even more, than you can imagine.” I lean down and kiss her cheeks, tasting salty tears that are all my doing.

“Why do you love me, Ro? I'm such a bitch to you.”

I frown at her words. “Why do you even have to ask that question?”

She shrugs helplessly and I slowly lift her in my arms, feeling her legs wrap around my waist as I press her against the side of the pool. Her arms wrap around my neck as I hold her gaze.

“You got me, I got you, remember?” I smile. “I want you forever, Lex. Forever and ever. Nothing's gonna change that.”

Her lips finally turn up into a small smile. “I want you too.”

“You have no idea how that makes me feel, baby girl,” I breathe, relief flooding through me as I finally see a glimpse of the Lex that I know and love. The anger, the bitterness, all seem like a distant memory. “I love you, Alexia.”

“I love you too, Roman.”

Her lips are warm and soft. It's quite possibly the slowest, most heartfelt kiss we've ever shared. It's tentative, yet familiar. Comforting, yet full of unknown. It's a make-up kiss, it's a forgiving kiss. It's the first kiss we've shared as...

I pull back and she gives me a questioning look. “What?”

“You didn't give me an answer.”

“An answer to wh–. Oh,” she pauses, realisation slowly dawning. “Well, if you hadn't asked me in the middle of an argument...”

“I wasn't going to.”

“You weren't?”

“I know you told me that you didn't want any grand gestures. But I couldn't let the moment pass without a little bit of grandness.”

“Hang on,” she says as I pull her away from the edge of the pool and make my way back towards the stairs, still carrying her in my arms. “You were going to ask me tonight?”

“Well, I was actually planning on asking you in the morning before we left.”

She raises an eyebrow. “And tonight's plan? What if I was still mad at you?”

“Why do you think I came out to the pool to find you?”

She goes to open her mouth, but I shake my head. “No more apologies.”

Lex nods slowly as I carefully climb the short flight of steps up onto the patio area. Setting her down, I lean down and brush my lips over hers again. “Close your eyes, baby girl.”

She squeezes them shut with a giggle and I guide her back into the villa, fighting to keep my hands on hers, rather than her wet breasts, stomach and ass. As we step over the threshold, I take a nervous glance around.

“Okay, you can open them.”

“Ro...” she breathes.

The table is laid with a crisp white tablecloth, complete with a bucket of ice and champagne. Next to it, two glasses are at the place settings for dinner. A large candle sits in the middle, the warm light glistening in the half-light. Lex takes a step forward.

I follow her. “I know you didn't want a fuss...”

She glances back at me over her shoulder. “This is definitely the right amount of fuss.”

Looking back at the table, she freezes for a second, her eyes catching the ring box that sits at one of the place settings.

“Open it,” I tell her, stepping closer until I can wrap my arms around her.

I watch her shaky hand reach for the box and hear the soft snap as she opens it.

“Fuck... Ro.”

She sucks in a breath as her fingers brush over the round diamond. “It's beautiful.”

“If you don't like it, I can take it back, get it changed, whatever you want.”

She lets out a soft laugh. “Why would you do that? It's perfect.”

Turning to face me, she raises a hand and brushes it over the side of my face. “You chose it yourself and that is more than enough for me.”

I peer down at her questioningly. “You sure?”

She fingers the ring again, following the bead-set stones that run down either side. “Never been so sure of anything in my life.”

“So... Is that a yes?” I chuckle.

“Yes.”

I pluck the box from her hand and tug the ring free. Taking her hand, I run my fingers along her empty ring finger before sliding the ring home. I open my mouth to speak, but no words come out. My head is spinning, the last 72 hours a blur all of a sudden as she stands before me, with a ring on her finger, her solitary word ringing in my ears as we take one step closer to forever.

She holds her hand aloft, the candlelight glinting off the diamond as she turns her hand one way and then the other. “You have excellent taste, Mr Reigns...”

“Mmm,” I reply, my lips brushing over her shoulder. “I'm with you after all.”

She giggles and rolls her eyes, placing her hand on my chest and I feel the metal band pressed against my skin. “Where's dinner?” she suddenly frowns.

“No dinner,” I whisper in her ear. “Only dessert...”

She raises an eyebrow. “Yeah and what exactly is for dessert?”

“You, baby girl...” I nip at her earlobe and then sink lower, attaching my lips to her neck, feeling her body sag against me. “It's been 72 hours and I'm starving...”

I slide my hands down her back, tugging playfully at the bikini tie before I grip her ass in both hands and pull her hips to mine. I grind slowly against her, groaning as my dick hardens inside my shorts.

“You're always starving,” she grins, her hands moving over my shoulders and around my neck.

I growl against her mouth as I pick her up once again, my hands on her legs, wrapping them firmly around my waist as I carry her towards the bedroom. Her lips attack mine after two steps and I struggle to keep us upright, let alone headed in the right direction. I pull my mouth away, chuckling as she whines, so I can navigate the lounge and finally make it to the bedroom.

Carrying her to the bed, I let her pull my face back to hers, goosebumps forming as she caresses my face before capturing my lips again. Kneeling on the edge of the bed, I lower her onto the soft sheets, my hands gently prising her legs from my waist.

My mouth drops from hers and I slowly make my way down her neck, seeking out familiar spots and feeling pangs of exhilaration as she purrs my name in response. Her neck arches slightly and I pluck at the tie, feeling it loosen under my fingers and slip away. I shift down, my tongue tracing her collarbone as I pull the two strings down. Wet material grips her skin, slowly peeling away as I reach her breasts. I uncover them one by one, taking my sweet time to cover every inch of her body. I lick the dampness from her right breast, cupping the warm flesh in my hand and bringing the soft nipple to my mouth. It slowly hardens as I flick my tongue over it and then I pull it firm between my lips, feeling Lex's back arch beneath me. I switch to the other and when her back arches again, I slip my hands under her and pull the final tie loose. Moving the wet item of clothing away, I press her breasts together and trail my tongue between the join.

Her hand cups the back of my head, tugging at my hair, forcing my face up so I meet her eyes, which flare with lust. I hold her gaze as I sink south, pressing open-mouthed kisses on her stomach. My fingers dig into the waistband of her bikini briefs, rolling them down as I reach her hips. I pull back slightly, as I move off the bed and to the floor, pulling her with me until she's on the edge completely. I kneel and prise her hand from the back of my head. My finger runs over the ring once again and I raise her hand to my lips, kissing the palm.

“I figured you'd prefer if I didn't get down on one knee...” I murmur. “But you know, I'm always happy to be on my knees for you, baby girl.”

She smirks. “My favourite place for you to be, big guy.”

I turn her hand, grazing my lips over the back and then pecking a path down until I reach her ring finger. Running my thumb over the ring, I look back up at her.

“Y'know, the reason why we use this finger for engagement and wedding rings is that people once thought that there was a vein that ran from here all the way to the heart.” I trace a finger from the tip of hers, up over her hand, her wrist, her arm and then I slowly rise so I can press my hand over her heart. It beats hard and fast as I grip her other hand and press it to my chest. “All yours, Lex. Forever.”

“Forever,” she repeats, her voice barely above a whisper as I drop my head and run my tongue along the waistband of her briefs. She hisses above me, her hand moving to my shoulder, squeezing firmly.

I drop both my hands to her hips and start to remove her briefs, inhaling deeply as I do. My lips follow my hands, desperately covering all the exposed skin. She widens her legs without even a hint from me, revealing her wet slit to me. But I hold back, letting my hands caress her legs from her thighs to her ankles, my mouth adorning her inner thighs with wet kisses as she groans above me.

“Ro... Please...”

I want to savour this moment, but her voice is hard to resist and I give in, moving my arm over her hips and pushing her into the mattress as I kiss her opening. Her sweet nectar dissolves on my tongue and I push deeper, craving more. Her thighs tighten around my head as I raise my mouth to her clit, flicking the tip of my tongue over it before I press it flat against and drag it up.

“Shit...”

I push two fingers into her, feeling her walls clamp down. Twisting my hand, I slowly stroke against the soft pad inside her, grinning to myself as she hisses and jerks.

“Feel good, baby girl?” I murmur, chuckling as she groans in response. “Tell me...”

I pull her clit between my lips, sucking softly.

“Ro... That... Feels... Christ... Do that again...”

She doesn't need to ask twice. I flick my tongue over her trapped clit, relishing in the sensation of her hands in my hair, her legs wrapped around my head as I drive my fingers in and out of her. She eggs me on, cooing softly as I slow the pace and let her down from her almost high and then giving me throaty moans as I thrust my fingers into her hard and fast, my tongue assaulting her clit. It's the back and forth that I enjoy. I like pushing her so close, she's on the verge of screaming and then pulling her back until she's begging for more.

“Let me cum... Please, Ro...”

I loosen my grip on her hips, shifting my hand to push her leg wide, opening her up so I can flatten my tongue against her once again as my fingers drive into her, stroking the sensitive spot inside her until she lets out a piercing howl, my name on her lips, like it will be for the rest of my life.

It's quick and hard, her body crying out for touch. I know that I'm going to be the same, the second my dick slides inside her. I pull myself free of her legs and then quickly remove my shorts. Fisting my dick, I push her legs back onto the bed and she takes the hint, backing up as I crawl over her. Cupping her face, I kiss her hard, making her taste herself on my tongue. She responds with passion, her tongue sliding against mine as I slowly roll us onto our sides.

Her leg instinctively rises around my waist and I continue to fist my dick as the tip brushes over her dripping entrance. Her hand drops to join mine, pushing my hand away and I groan into her mouth as I feel her small hand wrap around my length. Breathlessly, she guides me inside her, shifting until my face is buried in her neck and she cups the back of my head, holding me to her.

She leans back ever so slightly, giving me the room I need to push fully inside her. She gasps as I do and I hold steady, feeling her leg tighten around my waist as her pussy grips my dick. My bottom arm is around her shoulders, holding her firm whilst my other arm wraps around her back as I slowly start to push and pull.

Lex whimpers in my ear, her hips rocking against mine, matching my pace. I slide my hand down her back, feeling a hint of sweat on her spine. I grip her ass, hiking her leg higher so I can push into her deeper.

“Baby girl,” I murmur against her hot skin. “You're so fucking tight... You're amazing, you know that? And mine, baby girl. All mine.”

“Yours,” she echoes, her hand raking through my hair, her fist twisting around thick strands, forcing my head back so I meet her gaze. “And you're mine.”

“Forever.”

“Forever,” she gasps as I thrust into her a little harder. “Fuck, Ro... Do that again.”

I pull her against me hard, my dick pushing into her, her pussy like a vice as always. She hisses against my mouth.

“Again,” she demands, her hands tightening their grip on my hair.

“Lex, I'm so fucking close...”

“Cum then,” she purrs in my ear. “Cum for me...”

“Touch yourself,” I groan. “Cum on my dick, Lex. Please...”

She's the only woman I've ever begged. The only woman I will ever beg for. As her hand slides down my chest and between our bodies, I wonder for what must be the millionth time, how I got so damn lucky. My amazing, beautiful, intelligent Alexia, who challenges me every day, who never gives up fighting for me, for us, for herself. Not many women would put up with the crap that comes with my career, but she takes it in her stride and I'm in awe of her.

I will spend the rest of my life in awe of her. I will spend every waking moment being the best damn husband I can possibly be.

She moans against my mouth and I can feel her hand twitching between us.

“I got you, Lex, don't hold back on me.”

Her eyes flicker open, as she pinches her clit and hisses loudly. I can feel her getting wetter, my dick sliding in and out of her with more ease for a second until her walls clamp down hard and she trembles in my arms. I press my mouth to hers, swallowing her low moan as her pussy pulses around my dick, drawing me closer to my own release.

Her fingers in my hair soften their grip, gently scratching my head as I surge into her, my hand gripping her ass to the point where I'm about to leave a mark. But I can't help myself, I thrust into her, pull her down onto my dick as I chase down my release.

She whispers in my ear as I cum, her words causing me to cry out as I empty inside her. “Yours, Ro. Make me yours.”

I crumple against her, my face buried in her messy hair as she strokes the back of my neck. My dick slides out of her and I ease her leg from my waist. I go to roll onto my back, but she stops me, holding me to her as she cups my face and kisses me softly.

Her ring hand rests on my chest and I watch her eyes shine as she stares at the ring again.

“Tell me, baby girl,” I tilt her chin up with my finger.

“How did I get so lucky?”

I chuckle. “I ask myself the same thing every day.”

“From pancakes to diamonds eh?” She grins up at me.

“A logical progression, I think.”

“Perhaps.”

“Would you rather I swapped out the champagne for chocolate milkshakes?”

She giggles and then squirms out of my arms. “The champagne!”

I laugh as she bounds out of the bed and runs naked back out to the kitchen. I listen as she pops the cork and curses as she inevitably spills some before it gets to the glasses. And then her feet, padding back to the bedroom, glasses in hand. She hands me a glass before clambering back onto the bed. I shift up to sitting, opening my arms for her to curl against me.

“To you,” I toast.

“Why not to us?”

“You make us, baby girl.”

The blush rises from her neck to her cheeks as she ducks her head down to avoid my gaze.

“To you,” I repeat.

“To you,” she responds.

Fin

[omg-im-such-a-masochist]

📽📼LET’S (NOT) KEEP IT PG📼📽

Prompt: Y/N feels bored to death with her life and the absence of her boyfriend Drew. Until he decided to break her routine a little bit, by sending her a not so PG friendly video..

Word count: Long-ish

Pairing: Drew McIntyre x Reader

Warnings: +18, nsfw video, masturbation(male and female), dirty talking, cursing and just pure filth!

Tagging: @blondekel77 , @jibbles26 , @lustyromantic , @drewmcintyrekoccsrocbwdgfan , @akiko-tanaka , @new-zealand-chic @drew-is-boo

Notes: I was going to wait to post this until later this week, but I just couldn’t help myself! This man fucks me up big time... Y’all know the drill loves,sorry for misspellings,english isn’t my first language (bla bla bla),check out my other stories if you’d like to(it would make your girl here very happy 😊) and if you’re comfortable with it,please let me know what you think? Some feedback is always welcomed and appreciated ❤️You can check out my other stories typing ‘masochist writes’ on the search bar on my page and my newest story as a fixed post.Okay,now let’s get to the fun part,shall we? Hope you’ll enjoy 😉

“I cannot be the only person who feels bored to death with her own life, right?” I ask Drew through the webcam

“No, love” He chuckles “You’re not the only one. I feel quite bored myself”

“You? Bored? About wrestling? Thanks for the support babe, but I thought we agreed on not lying to each other on this relationship”

Wrestling was Drew’s life! And I mean it! What kind of person has for a hobby what he does professionally? Drew. What kind of person talks about wrestling all the time, everyday, tries to teach you about it and loves to convince you to watch wrestling matches with him? Drew!

He laughed “I didn’t said I was bored about wrestling, love...” He deviously smirked

“What are you bored about then?” Oh my, this could be fun...

“Not having you with me” He take his shirt off “I miss you babe, I miss kissing you, touching you” His right hand roams down his jeans “I miss waking up to your ass pressed against my cock, I miss the way you ride me” He palmed his semi hard bulge “I miss eating you out, I miss fucking you from behind, I miss how you moan for me to go faster” He unbuttoned his jeans, pulling the zipper down

“Fuck Drew, why are you so good at this?” I was already feeling my lace panties dampen with pleasure

“Show me what you’re wearing, princess” He lazily smirks

I stand up to remove the oversized t-shirt I was wearing (which was one of his) and revealed my baby pink lace bra and panties, one of his favorite.

“Fuck me, lass! You’re gonna kill me..” His hand sank down inside his jeans and I could see him grabbing a handful of his erection

“Drew...don’t be selfish” I whine “I wanna see it” I pouted

“Yeah? You want to see what you’ve done to me?” His hand is slowly moving up and down

“Drewy please daddy, l want to see you jack off baby, don’t be mean to me”

He grinned at me and began to take his jeans off, when his fingers hooked on his boxers to pull it down, I heard

“Hey man, why are you taking so long? We’re going to miss the party!”

Dolph bursted through the door and Drew quickly covered himself with a blanket

“BLOODY HELL, DOLPH! DON’T YOU KNOW HOW TO FUCKING KNOCK?” Drew yelled

“Why should I knock if it’s my room too?” Dolph asked confused

“I’M BUSY, DAMN IT!” Drew yelled again

“Oh! Are you jacking off?“ Dolph giggles “Uuuhhh I’m so gonna tell Y/N that you’re jacking off to porn like a 15 year old boy” His full on laughing now

“Shut up!”

“What are you watching anyways?” Dolph turns the screen to him and sees me (now dressed back with Drew’s t-shirt)

“Oh fuck! Y/N...hi”

“Hi Dolph, how’s going?”

“Good, good. You?” He awkwardly says

“Peachy, just peachy”

“Wait, so if it isn’t porn then....oh my fuck, I just interrupted something didn’t I?”

Drew answers yes and I say no at the same time

“Sorry guys, it really wasn’t my intention”

“It’s ok Dolph, we know you didn’t meant it” I say and Drew just huffed

“Well, I’ll talk to you tomorrow then babe” I say “Tell Bayley I’m wishing her a happy birthday”

Drew sighed “I will, love. I love you”

“I love you too, D.”

“Love you more, bye bye” He says

“Bye Y/N” Dolph waves at me and I can’t help but chuckle

“Bye Dolph, have fun at the party”

“Sure thing ma’am!” He winks and Drew stares at him with a deadly glare.

Before I finished the Skype call I saw Drew punching Dolph’s arm, calling him a fucking cockblock.

Later that night, I was getting ready to go to bed when I received a text

❤️Drewy❤️: I can’t stop thinking about you...

With a video attached to it

*A video? Maybe is from Bayley’s birthday party* I thought, since sometimes we would send each other’s videos whenever something was worth watching.

I press play on the video and my jaw dropped

Drew was in the hotel bathroom, naked. He smirks and winks at the camera and roamed it down to film his hand going up and down his deliciously thick hard cock. Every once in a while he would squeeze the head of his cock and made his way down the shaft again.

I texted him back.

Y/N: Are you really gonna tease me like that McIntyre? You’re playing so dirty right now...🔥

He answered in less than 5 seconds

❤️Drewy❤️: You asked me earlier, to show it you...I’m just giving you, what you asked for baby 😉 But if you don’t want to see it anymore, I understand 😔

Y/N: Don’t you dare! I want to see everything! Until the very last drop..🤤

❤️Drewy❤️: I got you baby 😉 I’ll give you something to help you out, while I’m not home 😏😈

20 minutes later, I received a 10 minutes video from Drew. I lay down the bed and pressed play.

Drew has settled the phone on the bathroom countertop, his right hand working a figure 8 shape on his length, his left hand would every now and then cup his balls or slide down his long silky dark hair. The sight of him, that way, was the most lustful thing I had ever seen, in my whole life! I always saw myself as so damn lucky for having that man, but now? I was more than certain! I was even thinking about going to church and properly thank God for creating this man (and giving him to me, of course)

His grunts and moans were making me wetter and wetter to the point where I was envying his hand for being wrapped around his cock.

My own hands found my slick slit, two fingers sliding in easily due the wetness of my core.

Drew turned up the pace of his hand and squeezed his dick harder. Suddenly I hear

“Oh fuck Y/N, I wanna fuck you so bad right now baby. My hand is not as good as your pussy, not as tight, not as warm and definitely not as wet” He stopped his actions on his length, gathering a glob of spit on his mouth, Drew let it fall on his cock making me moan at the rawness of it.

He closes his hand around his thickness and I can hear how wet it is, as it slides through his shaft so easily.

“I can’t wait to go home, so my cock can make you feel real good” He grunts “I hate to think that all of my cum will be wasted on my hand when it could have such a better use inside your pussy” His accent grew thicker by the minute

“Or would you like it inside your mouth? I bet you do, love...We both know how much you love giving me head. And you’re so fucking good at it! The best blowjob I’ve ever gotten...Taking it all in, chocking on it like a good little slut”

My fingers were now imitating his pace and I could already feel my orgasm quickly approaching.

“Fuck baby I’m gonna cum” He moans and I see spurts of thick white cum, shooting down his hand, dripping on the floor.

The vision was enough to make me cum as well, my walls clenching tightly around my fingers.

Drew takes the phone off the countertop and zooms in his length and release.

I felt a mini orgasm rush through me as I saw up close the veins of his cock and his cum slipping down his shaft.

“I wished you could lick me clean right now, princess” He focus on his face again and says “Fuck babe, I miss you so much, see you when I get home” He winks and smiles, ending the video.

I decide to call him, he answered on the second ring

“Wow, you should open an OnlyFans account, you’re too good at this!” I joke

He laughed loudly before saying “Oh no baby, that’s just for you eyes only”

“So I have the ok to save it and watch it every fucking day?”

“Yeah, I want you to watch it every fucking day because then you’ll have no time to think about any other man” He teased

“As if I could think about any other man but you” I huffed “You ruined me McIntyre”

“Not the way that I wanted to, though” I can listen the malice on his voice

“Oh but you did! I’ve never came so hard with just my fingers”

“That was my intention, lass” He chuckled

“But you should be careful though, you know?” I say, my voice filled with worry

“Why? Are you gonna post it on PornHub?” He cackle

“You know I would never do that! But I’m just saying you should be careful because... I might send you one while you’re at the gym” My voice low with lust

“Y/N, don’t you dare to do that!” He warns me, but I can hear the excitement behind it.

“Oh you wait and see, baby, you just wait and see...”

God, I love this man!....

Please tell me how many Holy Mary’s should I pray for this devious Scottish sin I just committed? 🤣 Please leave me some feedback if you’re comfortable with it, is always welcomed and appreciated 🥰😘

[itsadamcole]

heaven knows

fem!reader x finn balor

(requested by anonymous) “Reader and Finn have been best friends ever since they were at NXT.  Reader have a crush on Finn but never express their feelings because she feels Finn only thinks of her as a friend.  Until finally the reader dating Dolph and Finn began to realize his feelings. Reader first moved to RAW and started dating Dolph, 3 months later Finn also got a shake up to RAW.  Dolph had to move to Smack Down and the reader and Dolph relationship ended because of that.”

word count: 4.1k+

warnings: smutty (that’s about it for warnings ig)

— thank you to anonymous for this request. i had a lot of fun writing it ... this imagine is based on the song “Lost in You” by Westlife —

masterlist || request an imagine here

~ 18+ content below - read at your own risk ~

*** 3 months ago ***

“Finny!” you shout, running up to your best friend. Finn Balor turns around and looks at you.

He smiles and says, “Hey. What’s up? How’d the meeting go?”

You basically shout, “I’m moving to the Raw roster!”

Finn’s smile drops a bit but you don’t notice it. “Raw?” he asks. “I thought ya like it here on NXT.”

You look up at Finn and say, “Ya know that I’ve wanted to go to Raw for a while.”

“I know,” he says. “Ya haven’t been on NXT for that long and I thought ya liked it here.”

You say, “I can talk to Regal and to Vince to get ya moved to Raw with me.”

Finn shakes his head and says, “I’m staying here for a while. I had my time on Raw and they never used me right.”

You pout and say, “I’ll still come visit when I’m home. I’ll be home all the time, I promise.”

He smiles at you and says, “I’m proud of ya for being moved to Raw. Ya will be the best damn announcer that the red brand has ever seen.”

“And I better be the first person ya call after ya win the NXT title,” you say.”

You smile at your best friend and he says, “Of course. Ya will be the first person I call after I win the title.”

“I better be,” you say. “Maybe I’ll come back to NXT eventually but I’ll make sure to watch every week.”

You smile and hug Finn.

When you were told that you were being promoted to Raw, it was a bittersweet moment. You love NXT and you love the roster. Not to mention you don’t want to leave Finn, your best friend and crush since day one in NXT. You’re both from Ireland and have always stuck together. It’s how you became such close friends.

Now you’re leaving and you hate that you are.

***

*** present day - november 2019 ***

You sit in your dressing room, brushing out your long brunette hair. You hum quietly to yourself as you brush your hair.

There’s a soft knock on your door so you get up to answer it. You open the door, revealing your boyfriend Dolph Ziggler. “Hey,” you say, smiling. “I was just about to come see you.”

You have Dolph have been together since you moved to Raw three weeks ago. He asked you out the day you arrived and have been together since.

He kisses your cheek before walking into your dressing room. Dolph says, “The shake up is today and I was just told that I’m moving to the Smackdown roster.”

You look at Dolph and say, “I thought ya told them that ya wanted to stay on Raw.”

“I did tell them but they’re moving Bobby and I to Smackdown,” he says as you approach him. He looks down at you. “We’re going to be on different brands, Y/N.”

You hug him and say, “We’ll make it work, Dolph. We have to.”

He runs his fingers through your hair and say, “I would love to make it work, Y/N. I would love to, but you know what it’s like when couples work on different brands. It rarely ever works out.”

You look up at Dolph and ask, “What are ya saying, Dolph?”

Dolph says, “You know how much I like you and how much I like being with you, but we can’t be together if we’re on different brands. It never works out in the long run.”

“So you’re saying we should break up?” you ask.

He nods in response. “Maybe one day we can reconnect but right now, we can’t be together,” Dolph says.

For some reason, you’re not disappointed by this news. You like Dolph but you’ve always thought that there was someone better for you out there.

Someone like Finn Balor.

You miss Finn. You haven’t spoken in a month because of your schedules. He's been busy defending his title on NXT and you've been busy with being an announcer. You've tried to find time to talk to Finn but either he's busy or you're busy.

Dolph says, "I'll, uh, see you around, Y/N."

"Ya too, Dolph," you say. Dolph leaves your dressing room and you sigh. You go grab your phone and try calling Finn.

Finn doesn't answer, leaving you upset.

There's another knock on your door and you answer it. Triple H stands at your door. "Hi," you say, surprised. "Can I help ya with something?"

Triple H says, "Just coming by to drop off the card for tonight. Pierce is sick."

That's when it hits you. Triple H usually runs things surrounding the NXT brand. You ask, "Is NXT involved in something tonight?"

"Possibly," he says. "If I can get Vince's approval. This is the card with the matches on with that NXT is involved in."

You nod and take the card, reading over it.

Adam Cole versus Drew McIntyre. Lana and Dana Brooke versus Nia Jax and Shayna Baszler. Seth Rollins versus a mystery opponent is slated to be the main event tonight. "Who's Seth's opponent?" you ask.

Triple H says, "I don't know. He's issuing an open challenge tonight. That's all I know."

You nod and say, "Well, thank you for the card." He gives you a kind smile before walking off. You close the door and sigh.

NXT is getting involved and you can't help but wonder if one Irishman is going to be making an appearance.

To distract yourself, you get into the attire that was left in here for you. A lacey black dress that sparkles. Your shoulders and arms are the only parts of your body that can be seen under the dress because the lace is sheer. The dress falls to just above your knees.

A third person knocks on your door as you're about to do your makeup. You answer it, revealing your best friend, Becky Lynch. She smiles and says, "Look at ya. Looking all snazzy. I like the dress."

You smile and let her in. "Thank you," you say. "But I have no control over my wardrobe. The dress is kinda cute though."

Becky kind of laughs and sits down. You do your makeup as Becky says, "I heard Dolph's moving to Smackdown."

"Yeah, he is," you say. "He came in here and said that relationships don't really last when the couple is on two different rosters. Well, he said that it usually doesn't work out, so he ended it." You shrug.

Your best friend squints her eyes at you and says, "Ya don't seem that upset about it."

You do your eyeshadow and say, "I liked Dolph, but I always thought that there could be someone out there that's better for me."

As you speak, your mind wanders to Finn. You wonder how he's doing. You hope that maybe you'll catch a glimpse of him tonight. Maybe he'll be Seth's mystery opponent. You don't know.

Becky says, "Someone like Finn Balor? Because he's calling ya."

Quickly, you grab your phone that you threw on the couch and you answer the phone. "Finn?" you say as soon as you answer it."

"Hey," he says. "There's my favorite announcer. How ya doing?"

You smile and say, "Fine. I'm doing okay. How are ya doing?"

Finn says, "I've been better. I saw ya called and I wanted to see if something was wrong."

Becky points at you and mouths, "I knew it." You wave her off and say into the phone, "Nothing's wrong. I was just thinking about ya earlier so I thought I'd ring ya to see if ya were busy."

He says, "I'm a little busy but I have a second to talk."

"I was just getting ready for Raw but I can stop for a second," you say.

Finn laughs softly and says, "So, tell me about Dolph. Everything okay there? Ya seemed happy the last time we talked."

You say, "I, um, we kinda broke up. He's being moved to Smackdown because of the shakeup tonight."

He's quiet before he says, "Oh, that's terrible. I'm sorry."

You shrug and say, "It's fine. I know there's someone better for me out there." You glance at the time. "I have to go now but can I call ya later?"

"Yeah," he says. "Call me after Raw is over and we'll actually talk for more than a few minutes."

You smile and say, "Okay. I'll talk to ya later then."

You both say your goodbyes and you hang up the phone.

Becky says, "Tell me how long ya have had a thing for Finn Balor. I don't blame ya, by the way. That man is very attractive. Maybe not as attractive as Seth but still attractive."

You laugh and say, "I've had a thing for him since our NXT days. Basically since day one." You rub the back of your neck. "I'm sure he doesn't feel the same way about me though so I never said anything to him about it."

She laughs and says, "Tell him. You're single now and ya said that there was someone better than Dolph Ziggler out there for ya. What if that person is Finn?"

"He's not on this brand either," you say. "He's NXT champion so he wouldn't have time for me anyway."

Becky says, "Well, that's not true. When Seth was Universal Champion, he still had time for me."

You blink at her and say, "You and Seth were champions at the same time, Becky. You traveled together for press and everything."

She thinks for a second and says, "Yeah. That's very true. Okay, anyway. I have a match tonight against Asuka so Imma go get ready for that. I'll see ya out there."

You nod and finish getting ready for the show tonight.

***

There are five matches on the card tonight, plus the main event. The first match was Dana Brooke and Lana versus Shayna Baszler and Nia Jax. Shayna and Nia won.

The next match was Becky versus Asuka for the title. Asuka retained, which left Becky mad.

The third match was a six-man tag match, with three teams of two. Xavier Woods and Kofi Kingston are a team against the teams of my now ex-boyfriend Dolph Ziggler and Robert Roode and two members of the Undisputed Era, Kyle O'Reilly and Roderick Strong. It's basically a mini Survivor Series match, minus the eliminations. The stipulation is if the Undisputed Era loses, they stay on NXT. If they win, they get moved up to Raw.

The Undisputed Era wins the match and all four of them are now members of the Raw roster.

The fourth match is Keith Lee versus Braun Strowman. Keith wins.

The fifth match is Drew McIntyre versus Adam Cole. Randy Orton interferes and costs Drew the match.

It's main event time. Seth's music hits and you say into your microphone, "Making his way down to the ring, he is the Monday Night Messiah, Seth Rollins."

Seth gets into the ring. He doesn't have his disciple, Murphy, with him as he's handed a microphone. "So, as you can see, my disciple Murphy isn't here with me tonight. That's because he's a traitor and left me. So, I'm issuing an open challenge for anyone to come out here and prove to me that they have what it takes to be my disciple. Come on, anyone. From Raw or Smackdown, or even NXT. Come on out."

Everyone looks at the stage to wait and see who comes out. Everyone in the arena waits.

And that's when Finn Balor's music hits. Your jaw almost drops, happy and excited to see Finn with his title. The crowd jumps up and cheers. You smile in the timekeeper's area as Finn makes his way down to the ring. He's handed a mic on the way down.

Seth has a smile on his lips as he looks at that title around Finn's waist, who's dressed and ready for a match in his white ring gear and a matching white leather jacket. This is the gear he wore in his last main roster match at Summerslam in 2019 before he went back to NXT in October. The NXT title is now over his shoulder as he steps into the ring.

Finn is looking at Seth. His music fades and he says, "Hi, Seth. So, I heard ya are looking for a match tonight. How's this? Ya and I in the ring right now. If ya win, then ya get my title and I'll be your new whatever ya call it. If I win, I keep my title and ya never can challenge for this title, or any title that I hold, whether it's the WWE Championship or the United States Champion. I think ya get the point."

You look over at Seth and he says, "You're on Balor. Let's get a referee out here and get this started."

The crowd cheers and you're handed a card with something to read on it. You nod and as the guys get ready in the ring. You look up and say, "This match has just been made official by WWE officials. The following match is scheduled for one fall and is for the NXT Championship. Introducing first the challenger, weighing in at 217 pounds, from Davenport, Iowa. He is the Monday Night Messiah, Seth Rollins."

You listen as the crowd boos Seth. You forgot how much the WWE Universe loves Finn Balor.

Once the crowd dies down, you talk into the microphone again. "Weighing in at 190 pounds, from Bray, County Wicklow, Ireland, he is NXT Champion. Finn Balor," you say, smiling as the name Finn Balor leaves your lips. The crowd cheers. Finn looks at you and points at you, making your face heat up.

The ref takes the belt and holds it above his head. Someone runs over and grabs it, bringing the belt back to the little area. You look at the gold belt. It looks so pretty with Finn's side plates on it.

The bell rings and the match is underway. Your eyes are on Finn the whole time.

It takes 20 minutes but Finn hits the Coup de Grace and pins Seth, retaining his title. You take the belt and run to the ring, not being able to hold in your excitement. You bring your microphone with you because you have one more thing left to say.

Once you're in the ring, you almost tackle Finn with a hug. He hugs you back and you hand him his title.

"And still NXT Champion, Finn Balor," you say as Finn's music blares in the arena.

He looks down at you and takes your microphone. You stare up at him as he says, "I, uh, I need to say something really quick."

The crowd dies down and you stare up at your best friend. He looks at his title and he says, "This title isn't mine anymore. This title isn't mine anymore because as of this moment, I am on the Raw roster. As a full-time Raw superstar, I cannot hold the NXT title." He puts the title down on the ground before looking at you. "But as a full-time Raw superstar, I can spend all the time in the world with ya. Travel with ya, talk to ya whenever I want. And most importantly, take ya on a date or two whenever we want."

Your eyes widen as you stare up at Finn, realizing that he has feelings for you too.

"If ya would like, of course," Finn finishes with. The crowd collectively gasps as they wait for your answers.

Finn's arm is still around your waist and you're still standing close to him. So, you give your answer in the one way you've been wanting to. You put your hands on Finn's face and pull his face down to yours. Your lips crash to his and immediately begin moving against them.

He smiles into the kiss and drops the microphone, wrapping both your arms around his neck as his arms wrap around your waist.

The crowd cheers loudly as you kiss Finn in the ring.

***

Eventually, you and Finn make your way back to your hotel room. He tells you about what he had to do to get to Raw.

Since NXT was part of the shakeup this year, there was a chance that he could get sent to Raw. It was small because he held the NXT title. So after some negotiations with William Regal, Triple H, and Vince McMahon, he would voluntarily relinquish his title after a match tonight. So that's what he did. He voluntarily relinquished his title and is now apart of the Raw roster.

He also told Vince that he wants a run or two at the WWE Championship, which is held by Drew McIntyre. Vince agreed because he knows the fans love Finn versus Drew. Add a title in there and it makes for a few good championship matches.

Once back at the hotel room, Finn says, "I need to shower really quick then we can watch movies or something for a bit."

You nod and watch as Finn disappears into the bathroom, closing the door behind him. The water starts and you sigh.

It would be really bad if you just walked into the bathroom and told him everything that you've been feeling, especially tonight.

When Finn walked out in the white gear, a little ache formed in your core and you tried what you could to stop it.

Your feet are carrying you to the bathroom before you can do anything. You shed the dress and your shoes before walking into the bathroom.

The shower in the bathroom is a glass stand up shower. Most of the glass is distorted but the top maybe 16 inches aren't so you can see from Finn's chest up. His eyes are closed as he rinses his hair.

Quickly, you take off the bra and panties you're wearing before you open the door to the shower. Finn looks down at you and asks, "Y/N, what are ya doing?"

"Saving water," you say. "Kinda."

He smiles down at you as you close the glass door. You stare up at him and he asks, "Now what are ya really doing?"

You say, "Seeing ya in the white gear tonight made me feel things, Finn. I know I shouldn't just get in the shower with ya, but-" You're interrupted by Finn's lips coming down to yours. You gasp, surprised by the kiss.

His lips move against yours before he pulls back and says, "Ya are telling me ya want me to, what?"

You stare up at him and say, "Whatever ya want, Finn. I just need ya to do something to me."

Finn smirks a bit and his hands come down to your waist. He guides you so your back is against the wall. You stare up at Finn and he says, "Is this what ya really want? I want to make sure it's what ya want one hundred percent."

Your hands rest on his chest and you nod. "It's what I want, Finn," you say. "I've wanted this for a while."

He smiles and kisses you. The kiss is rougher than the kiss in the ring and his hands start to roam. Soft sighs leave your lips. As the two of you share the kiss, Finn moves and presses you against the cold wall of the shower. Your hands are on Finn's cheeks, slipping your tongue into his mouth. Finn smirks against your lips.

The kiss continues for a second before Finn leans down and picks you up by your thighs. You wrap your legs around his waist as Finn pulls back from your lips and he starts to kiss your neck.

A soft moan escapes your lips as your hands slide into Finn's short wet hair. You smile and say, "This has gotten longer since we last saw each other."

Finn smirks and looks up at you, detaching his lips from your neck. He says, "I'm guessing ya like it."

You giggle and nod, saying, "It gives me something to hold onto." He laughs and kisses you again.

He reaches to the side and turns the water off. Carefully and slowly, Finn leaves the shower with you wrapped around him. He's careful not to slip on the tile floor of the bathroom as he leaves the room.

Finn walks out to one of the beds, laying you on your back. The kiss breaks as he looks down at you, eyes wandering all over your body.

"I've imagined how ya looked for weeks and this exceeded all of my expectations," he says, smiling down at you.

You giggle and stare up at him, saying, "I could say the exact same thing." You glance down at his semi-erect member that's poking at your thigh.

He starts to kiss your jaw and he says, "You're so beautiful. I can't believe that maybe you'll be mine after this."

Sighing, you say, "I've been yours this entire time, Finn."

Finn smirks against your neck. You slide your hands down his sides and use one of your hands to stroke Finn's member. He gasps a bit against the skin against your neck. You feel him begin to harden as you stroke him.

"Keep going like that and I won't last as long as ya probably want me to," he gasps.

You leave kisses to his head and say, "We have all night, Finn. And all day tomorrow."

He looks up at you and says, "Good, because I won't be able to stop once I've started."

You reach up, pecking his lips before you say, "Then start."

Finn smirks a bit before he kisses you harder than he ever has before. You sigh softly against his lips as he runs his tip through your already soaked folds. "Finn," you mumble against his lips. "Please. Tease me another time. I need ya right now."

Slowly, Finn begins to push himself into you. You gasp into the passionate kiss.

You're not a virgin but you're not really that experienced in bed. Finn knows this so he's making sure he's careful with you. On the other hand, you know how experienced Finn is in bed. He's never had to tell you. You used to travel with him when you worked for the NXT brand and stayed in the hotel room next to him sometimes. He's not really that quiet, and neither is whoever he's with.

He moves slowly and shallowly at first, making sure that he's not hurting you. The little bit of pain that you feel slowly melts away to pleasure, and you're a little bit of a moaning mess underneath Finn's body. You drag your fingers down Finn's back as he moves.

Every few minutes, Finn picks up speed and thrusts deeper into you. You wrap your legs around Finn's waist again. Your back arches off the bed ooccationally and chase Finn's hips. He slips deeper into you, making you moan and gasp under Finn.

A wave of confidence overtakes you a couple minutes later. You roll so you're straddling Finn's waist with him still inside you.

Finn stares up at you as you begin to move your hips, riding him. Finn intertwines his fingers with yours and helps hold you up. You throw your head back as you bounce up and down on Finn's now rock hard member. Moans escape your lips and Finn grunts and growns beneath you.

Your walls begin to clench around Finn and you moan, "Finn, baby. I'm about to come."

"Come, princess," he gasps, thrusting up into you as you move your hips.

Your eyes are squeezed shut and you release around Finn as he quickly pulls out of you and comes all over your stomach. You collapse onto Finn, your sweaty chests sticking together as you come down off your high.

Finn wraps his arms around your shoulders and you sigh, your ear pressed against his chest. His heart is beating quickly. You feel him leave kisses on your forehead. You smile and look up at him, resting your chin on his chest. Finn smiles down at you.

"So what do ya say?" he asks. "Will ya officially be mine?"

You giggle and nod, leaning up and pecking his lips. "Yes."

[whispering-raine]

Hi yes Go-Kart hcs for CC characters even tho no one asked

Preston passes Max and Max immediately goes "FUCK YOU!" and flips him off.

Space Kid has to sit in a kart with one of the adults (he's too short to ride by himself; he can't reach the pedals) so he rides with Gwen.

Neil ends up accidentally bumping into Space Kids/Gwens cart and while turning around to shout "I'M SO SORRY!", he accidentally runs into someone else.

Dolph is also too short, so he shares a kart with Ered.

Nurf goes absolutely batshit on everyone. He probably gets kicked out eventually.

Nikki ends up forming an alliance with Nurf and gets kicked out too.

David doesn't ride the first few times bc he's genuinely scared that he's gonna hit someone, and Max just drags him to one of the karts and he's like "Get your ass in one of these and have some actual fun for once."

David ends up loving it.

Cameron is so fucking tall that he can't even fit in one of the karts (thank Xemüg for that, he'd probably kill someone if he could), so he just stands by the fence with a slight smile on his face as he watches the kids enjoy themselves.

Quartermaster tried to hack the system to make them go as fast as possible. David immediately stopped him.

Nerris and Harrison are at each others throats the whole time. Harrison gets so mad at them that he almost threatens to make them disappear. He just decides to calm down before he talks again. (Dw he's alright, he just needed a second to cool down.)

Oh yeah, also, Dolph ends up switching carts to sit with David bc Ered is a bit too extreme for him.

Max throws out death threats left and right whenever someone passes him, just to make sure everyone knew that he wasn't just "playing around". He really was just playing around, but this little edgy asshole would never admit it.

Gwen checks so many damn times that everyones seatbelts are buckled good (yes, even Davids), and she's most definitely worried about everyones safety, but she says that "she doesn't want to do the paperwork for a dead camper". It's obvious she cares a fuck ton about everyone tho. David lets her think she fooled him and the campers.

Max hits everyone except for Gwens/Space Kids cart bc 1, He doesn't wanna deal with a pissed off Gwen. 2, He honestly just doesn't wanna hurt Space Kid. He has nothing serious against the kid. 3, Gwen isn't going fast, so the kart won't pass him anyway.

At one point, Quartermaster turns to Cameron, sees him smiling, and immediately goes "...You're smiling..?" and Cameron stops smiling and clears his throat and he's just all like "What was that?". Quartermaster has no energy left to argue with Cameron, so he drops it.

Welp. That's it. Hope y'all enjoyed whatever this is.

[campcampfanfan]

Let’s Talk About Camp Camp

Tw for Cursing, Camp Camp, All Caps

So, let’s talk about it. I’ve been browsing the Camp Camp tag, and I’m starting to see more “Don’t interact if you are/have a CC profile pic/ CC apologist/ CC fan” and I wanted to talk about it. 

Lets just start out by saying I am not a CC apologist. I do believe the show is heavily flawed, especially with it’s race jokes. Honestly, I am on the team of getting rid of those. Especially Dolph. Please, get rid of him. It’s really gone to far, and even though you have toned it down, please don’t really feature him anymore. Order of the Sparrow was heavily flawed as well, but let’s not talk about that right now. Let’s talk about why people are mad.

1) Race Jokes (Totally get it, you have every right to be mad)

2) Adult humor (It’s an adult show)

3) Bad plot/characters

For number 1, I completely get it. But, I’d like to state right here and now, nothing is fucking perfect. NOTHING. If we boycotted everything that was flawed in some way, or took a joke too far, or did something offensive, practically nothing would be available. Try boycotting Disney, they did tons of shit wrong multiple times. Most classic books. Pixar. The office. The all did the same thing, but for some reason, you aren’t mad. I get it, you don’t like the race jokes. Me neither, I hate them. Fuck them. But once again, this a young studio that is still doing trial and error. I can name maybe three shows that were made popular enough for me to see, and one year ago I only knew about RWBY. That’s it. They are doing Trial and Error, which means mistakes are going to be made, ESPECIALLY because it was their first adult themed show. I’m not saying you have to watch it, but please, don’t immediately try and block me because I watch this fucking show.

2, It’s a fucking ADULT SHOW. It’s not meant for kids! That doesn’t mean kids aren’t going to watch it, that just means they’ll do it in secret or something. If you don’t want to watch it because the humor is too adult or not what you like, you don’t have too! No problem! Have a fantastic day! But the problem is complaining that it has “Adult humor”. That’s the point, it’s an adult themed show.

For 3, got it. Don’t watch it. Plot’s terrible? Ok, don’t need to hate it because of that. Stupid characters? That’s fine, we like them. 

Point is, please stop with this whole “Camp Camp is horrible!” thing, because so many other companies that you watch do the exact same thing. I just want to enjoy my stupid ass show in peace, without hate getting thrown at me every time I browse the tag. I get it, you have every right to dislike it, but please don’t clog up our tag with hatred. Just let us enjoy our damn stupidity in peace.

[springfieldblues]

my long ass review for S32E03 Now Museum, Now You Don’t

warning: LONG because i rambled about history more than i thought i would

id been looking forward to this one because i like art history, especially after seeing how they tried their best to stick to historical accuracy in the previous episode I, Carumbus. this time however….they didnt try that hard. i dont know why i thought theyd go through that sort of trouble again LMAO

but its okay, i dont really expect the simpsons to be the paragon of historical accuracy or anything. especially in anthology episodes told through a particular character's lens (in this case, lisa, whos already feverish so whatever)

first i just wanna say that this is, i guess, less of a review and more of an accidental list of history fun facts. so im just gonna get my general thoughts out of the way first.

the episode was fun! to me at least haha. i mean it got me to think and do a lot of research on my own so that must count for something. besides a couple of really weird ones, the jokes were good. anthology episodes tend to be….not that good but i thought this one was one of the better ones so far. idk.

anyway on to lisanardo da vinky its the renaissance! jesus christ the italian accents in the beginning of this segment were annoying as hell but i also feel like that was the joke lmao. ill be real i kind of tuned out for a second there when grampa started rambling so idk what he said.

i told myself i wouldnt get nitpicky with historical accuracy if the jokes were funny (final edit: so that was a lie) but this meh bit with the pizza guys and mascots was really not worth ignoring the fact that its impossible for italy to have any tomato-based food in the 15th century (tomatoes were brought to europe from the americas in the 16th century, and pizza as we know it today—flatbread, cheese, tomato—originated in the late 18th century)

oh this next part was kind of legit tho. lisanardo, like the real leonardo, became andrea del verrochio's apprentice at his workshop. i loved this next bit:

"Whoever paints the sweetest cherub will have the honor of having MY name signed on their work. That's what great artists do!"

SO YEAH as it turns out, lisanardo painted the sweetest cherubs. the painting here is called The Baptism of Christ, and the real leonardo assisted verrochio in finishing it. specifically, he painted the cherubs in the corner.

this causes verrochio to quit and go someplace with less talented people: a music school (yes, verrochio did quit painting after getting owned by young leo and his mad angel painting skills. he never did anything with music tho, he was more of a sculptor)

alongside lisanardo, in mr largo-verrochio's workshop we have barticelli (botticelli bart), dolphatello (donatello dolph), ralphael (raphael...ralph) and mediocrito (no one that i know of. sorry milhouse) (and kearney i guess but they dont refer to him by name). botticelli and donatello are said to have also been apprentices at verrochio's workshop, but raphael came a couple of decades later so he couldnt have been there. and donatello was too old so that claim is a bit questionable. but anyway

it IS true that leonardo's peers envied him, to the point where he was anonymously and purposefully accused of being gay (a major crime punishable by death in 15th century florence) while he was still working at verrochio's workshop

we are then treated by what im pretty sure is the fourth time the show has used 'at seventeen' by janis ian, this time sung by a dejected lisanardo (man they really do keep making yeardley sing these days huh) who only wishes to be appreciated and not envied.

"I'll show them all! I'll show them all in a secret diary that no one will decipher for 400 years!"

some of lisanardo's future inventions. who wouldve known

so after barticelli, for some reason (revenge??? or something?? what was his plan here idgi) steals lisanardo's diaries full of blueprints of her inventions and takes them to mr burns who i have to assume is pope alexander VI here, they decide to use her inventions for war.

"With these, we can kill the most evil people in the world!! ....Slightly different Christians."

leo actually did this of his own accord. im surprised this is what they decided to do with lisanardo instead of talking about leo's love of nature and vegetarianism (not a single mention of that in this episode? come on...) then again, trying to do good only to end up indirectly making things worse is a very standard lisa storyline. i guess they didnt want to miss the chance to have evil pope burns (very fitting, especially for that era since they were all about money and controlling the people)

so lisanardo decides to leave for france, unlike the real leonardo who was more or less persuaded by his ultimate fanboy king francis I to move to france.

"Lisanardo, I have many questions. Why are you hitting yourself? A nerd says 'what'? And how is it possible that I am rubber and you are glue? Et cetera, et cetera."

that line may seem a little random, like hes just nelson saying nelson things (and i mean, obviously he is) but the real francis also "had an unquenchable thirst for learning, and Leonardo was the world’s best source of experimental knowledge. He could teach the king about almost any subject there was to know, from how the eye works to why the moon shines." so yeah, he did have many questions and lisanardo, finally being appreciated for her intellect, was happy to answer them all. its very interesting how lisa assigned this role to nelson in her retelling of da vinci’s life :^)

and so she lived the rest of her days in france, nat king cole's 'mona lisa' plays because duh, and they make a da vinci code reference because duh. and the segment ends. and not a single time did they show the actual mona lisa painting. the fuck?

(ngl i was fully expecting bart to say 'leonardo da vinky' for a second here)

so this next segment is about french impressionist painters, most likely the batignolles group, a name adopted by the early representatives of impressionism. its much more vague than the lisanardo segment since no one here is referred to by name (except moe, more on him in a sec) but i dont feel like it really matters in this case. bart is prrrrooobably claude monet but its hard to say, this segment is kind of a mish-mash of a lot of things. also i gotta say i really liked how lisa introduced the story to bart with an 'if you hate the formal study of art' and not 'if you hate art' because thats exactly my headcanon. i LOVE the concept of artist bart and whenever its referenced it just makes perfect sense to me.

anyway the segment opens in 1863 at the école des beaux-arts (back then it was actually known as the académie des beaux-arts), preserver of traditional french art styles. skinner reviews his students’ paintings one by one. praises the plain, unimaginative paintings depicting your typical european countryside landscapes. very run-of-the-mill (haha get it...cuz theres….a windmill) (although the real académie didnt approve of such basic stuff, they wanted artists to draw epic historical and mythological scenes) then he gets to barts painting and he gives him an F- because the painting made him think.

(the paintings in this scene arent real famous paintings as far as i know but they are inspired by real paintings enough to get the point across)

in comes barney dressed as bacchus as a model for the students to sketch, which i just loved:

barney: “You prefer robe open or robe off?” skinner: “Just cover your privates with this walnut shell.” barney: “Whoa!!! So roomy!”

skinner gasps in horror at bart’s sketch, which “looks nothing like him” and bart explains that “it shouldn’t; we’re making the art that we feel because we can’t compete with a camera.” damn, you go bart. take that, realism. draw what you feel!!

(also no, you didnt need to hold still for 17 hours for a daguerreotype. 30 min tops.)

nelson haw-haw of the week: FOIE-gras!

so here they are at the moulin rouge (“enjoy it before baz luhrmann ruins it” hey shut up. i love that movie), which wouldnt be built for another 26 years, but it is the most widely known gathering place for bohemians in the public consciousness so i can understand why they went with the moulin. nelson delivers this anachronistic line:

“This époque keeps getting beller and beller!”

which alludes to la belle époque, the golden age of france usually dated from 1880 to 1914. made me snort so ill let that slide

and heres moe! as henri de toulouse-lautrec, who was actually born a year after the year this segment is set in. yo moe szyslak he was just 1

toulouse-moetrec introduces himself as the chronicler of the demimonde (not an actual job). an iconic figure associated with the moulin rouge (largely due to his affinity for alcohol and prostitutes), toulouse-lautrec was also a painter, having illustrated a series of posters for the moulin himself. he simply had to be in this segment, anachronisms be damned, just because they decided to include the moulin. cant have one without the other.

and yes he did have a walking cane where he kept his liquor.

i love how everyone drinks absinthe in this place. theyre bohemians what else would they drink

toulouse-moetrec points out that barts paintings are the greatest thing hes ever seen (and hes seen like five things!) and that hes a genius. milhouse realizes that they should stop doing what the teacher says and use their own minds to instead...start doing what bart says lmao. to the easels!

next we have skinner hyping up chalmers about the art his students made for the salon de paris, an art exhibition that the emperor of france will attend. he assures him that none of these paintings will encourage debate, provoke thought or be out of place at a dentist’s office. when they unveil the art, theyre both SHOCKED at how scandalous the paintings actually are.

this reaction was kind of accurate. impressionism was severely rejected at the salon de paris, due to paintings not looking finished enough to them, they thought they were ugly and vulgar for depicting nudity in a contemporary setting (historical and mythological nudity was fine). these impressionist paintings were sent to the salon de refusés, which is. yeah. the place where they sent the rejects. the salon de refusés does not make an appearance but this scene makes a reference to it when the artists get expelled from the royal salon. also:

“What about our student loans?” “Oh they’ll be refunded. We are not barbarians, I mean, come on.”

(god if only)

so the painters are down because they want the emperor to actually see their paintings. toulouse-moetrec pipes in once again with an idea.

“There is one thing the emperor loves more than anything.” “France?” “No, he hates France.”

apparently the emperor really loves cheese, which makes sense since its napoleon III (who loved cheese) and homer (who loves cheese.) so the painters roll into the salon inside a giant wheel of cheese (obviously.) as lenny said, “Eh, you know French cheese. Very runny.” napoleon III chases after the wheel into a room, where the wheel falls apart after getting chomped on by the emperor. now that they got his attention, the painters proudly show the emperor their impressionist art, which he couldnt be more indifferent about because he just wants to eat his cheese dammit, and he awards them with the royal medallion just to kind of get them out of his way. skinner immediately starts kissing ass (as he does) until marge’s like ‘hey wait a minute. you expelled these students from the royal salon’ and an executioner immediately starts ominously measuring skinners neck.

“Uh, sir...is your tongue sticking out because you’re dead or because you’re mad at me?”

and thats the end of that lmao (gore in this episode, gore in the last episode, and next week we’re getting gore too cuz its THOH, what the hell is goin on)

we get a short intermission with maggie, who wants a story for her too! lisa tells her that renaissance artists loved to put babies in their paintings, especially baby angels.

here she is showing her The Triumph Of Galatea by raphael:

King David Playing The Harp by peter paul reubens:

and a very simplified version of pretty much any depiction of hell by hyeronimus bosch lmao:

not much else to say about this one, really. but i really liked that sky!

the last segment is about frida kahlo and diego rivera. or as bart puts it ‘the one about a fat guy whos wife is too good for him.’ i was REALLY looking forward to this one because i love frida and i thought itd be a cool opportunity for animators to go bonkers and do really cool shit with her art as inspiration…..but the segment is not about frida, its about diego and his selling out to capitalism. and its also yet another story with homer and marge drama. no funky cool animation here. sigh i guess i’ll take it

the story begins in 1929 at la casa azul, frida’s home (now museum dedicated to her life and work.) frida and diego are getting married. this courtyard definitely did not look this way yet back in 1929. also theres something very cringy yet funny about lovejoy saying spanish words the way he does, i honestly cant decide how i feel about that one

the writers know theyre being cringy with their gringoness so they go along with it.

moe: “Spanish for ‘best wishes’!” mel: “Spanish for ‘congratulations’!” bumblebee man: “Spanish for ‘muy bueno’!”

OH YEAH BUMBLEBEE MAN this is his new voice actor, eric lopez! hes not mexican but its still great to finally have a latino actor voicing a latino character and hes very excited to be part of the show so i hope to hear more of him!! im rooting for him

el barto/zorro makes an appearance which i am very confused about. he has jack shit to do with frida and diego and mexico in the 20s-30s. el zorro was set in the spanish california of the early 19th century. their use of the original theme song makes me think they just wanted to flex their disney privileges tbh

lets not talk about that that whole scene was bad

anyway diego announces he and frida are going to new york, without even asking her first. frida is obviously pissed.

“Don’t worry, as a woman, you’ll be treated with much more respect in America.”

so in new york, diego is having a bit of a business meeting with mr burns as one of the members of the rockefellers, who is commissioning him to draw a mural for the rockefeller center. its kinda funny how he refers to him and frida as socialists even though they were very much communists lmao its okay you can say it. ok so far, but then frida says ‘yes, we hate the capitalists! right now, a young socialist is being born who will take them down! mr. bernie sanders. i hope hes quick about it’ and that was a simple enough joke and couldve been left at that but then its immediately followed by this weird as fuck family guy-esque cutaway gag to bernie as a baby:

“Getting a cootie shot should not cost your lunch money. And if you don’t listen to me, listen to the Bernie Babies! What? Everybody’s got goons.” *larger babies start beating up this other baby* “I disavow that, and welcome it.”

this confused me so much that i had to ask one of my american friends to help me understand, but even she was like ‘uhhh yeah thats a weird joke,’ especially now that hes been out of the race for months (then again these episodes take almost a year to produce. i guess they couldnt be bothered to replace it with something more relevant.) whatever that was weird and confusing and unfunny moving on

frida is pretty irked that diego is going through with this deal. after all, it goes against everything they believe in. im not sure how the real frida felt about diego doing the mural, but she did feel a bit of rage during her visit to the united states, especially the obvious disparity between rich and poor. she hated having to interact with capitalists and found americans very boring. in this segment, frida seems to be acting more like the american communist party, which diego got kicked out of for accepting commissions from wealthy patrons. in any case, frida is pretty upset about this whole thing.

and finally we get the first and only kind of surreal frida moment. kinda. maybe. its more cartoonish than anything but im desperate ok

interesting how they felt like they had to add a “don’t smoke” in big letters after showing patty and selma flying away on their giant cigarettes. i wonder if this is something theyre making them do now? i remember hearing something about them toning down patty and selma’s smoking

diego comes home to frida, drunk as hell, followed by the marx brothers. i cant believe they didnt make a marxism joke come on it was RIGHT THERE. THE MARX BROTHERS. KARL MARX. COME ON

frida paints her feelings.

this makes diego realize that frida is a genius and he is not half the artist she is. he proclaims he will now show his awe of her by sleeping with other women, starting “an hour ago.” to which frida replies, “and i will start sleeping with other women, starting two hours ago.” yes this was pretty much their relationship. though im just wondering how the hell did diego not know frida was this kind of artist until now? i know homers an idiot but jeez. art was how frida and diego met, diego knew from the get-go that frida was an incredible artist. i guess the fame got to his head or something. again, homer just being stupid.

“well enough already, while the art is still deco, okay?”

its time for the mural diego painted, Man At The Crossroads, to be unveiled:

rockefeller examines it. good and great so far, and then...uh oh

“Who’s that fellow…? With the beard, and the bolshevik smile…” “That’s the founder of Soviet Russia, Lenin!”

“B-b-but he’s a communist!” “Oh he just attended a couple of meetings.”

rockefeller will not have this communist in the temple to capitalism that is the rockefeller center, so he orders diego to paint over it. diego stands his ground and refuses. despite rockefeller’s threats, diego says that theres only one person he wants to be proud of him no matter what and in true homer & marge fashion, frida is touched by this. they happily leave the rockefeller center.

now, the real story of Man At The Crossroads and the rockefeller center was actually not that different. as soon as the rockefellers found out diego had snuck in a portrait of lenin into the mural, they ordered him to paint over it, to which he refused. diego even offered to include abraham lincoln and even american abolitionists in the mural as a compromise, but the rockefellers simply did not want any references to communism whatsoever. they did not complain about the hammer and sickle, though. yes, they did know diego was a communist and hired him anyway. what did they expect? lmao. diego said:

"Rather than mutilate the conception [of the mural], I shall prefer the physical destruction of the conception in its entirety, but preserving, at least, its integrity."

so they decided to destroy the mural before it was even finished and they never talked to each other again.

diego then repainted the mural at the palacio de bellas artes back in mexico, this time known as Man, Controller of the Universe. this new version included even more communist leaders and a depiction of john d. rockefeller jr. drinking at a nightclub, right underneath a depiction of syphilis bacteria. cue nelson haw-haw:

this was the version they used in the episode also, since the original was, well, never finished and also destroyed. only a black and white photograph of it exists, taken by diego before it was destroyed so he could remake it.

right so, homer!diego then pulls a Barthood and finishes the episode with a large mural summarizing the entire episode. he says some rick and morty thing i didnt get because i dont watch the show idk idc

the end

ALRIGHT NOW ITS TIME FOR THE STORY OF VINCENT VAN MOE

[maturemenoftvandfilms]

The King Of Character Actors

CHAPTER NINE: Studs

Featuring Charles Durning, Dolph Sweet.

Back in 1979, I was working on the set of the TV mini-series Studs Lonigan which had just finished filming. I was invited to the wrap party for the mini-series and since I was there stag, I head over to the bar. I couldn’t keep my eyes from flickering from one old man’s face to another as I threaded through the crowd. I saw a blue-eyed daddy with solid white hair, a bald daddy with dark brown eyes and daddies of all hair conditions and eye color in between. If nothing else, I would have a good time just chatting with the bartenders and admirer the guys in between.

After a few drinks, I notice someone walk up beside me at the bar and when I peek over, I notice its Charles Durning. The white haired man looked to be fifties and a little chubby. His face was round and clean-shaven with a beautiful set of sparkling blue eyes. He was exactly the type of guy to ask out on a date. I suddenly wished he would wrap his arms around me and huge me. Suddenly, he notices me undressing him with my mind as gets his drink, gives me a nod and excused himself.

Needing a smoke, I decided find a spot, so I left the party. When I got around the corner, headed for a near by door I found slightly ajar. I should have knocked, but for some reason, I didn’t. I just stuck my head inside thinking no one would be in there. But what I saw caused my heart to skip a beat. There in a corner was some guy blowing actor Dolph Sweet of all people.

I watched as the old man guided the guy's head up and down his cock. I couldn’t believe my eyes as the guy swallowed inch after inch of the old actor's cock down his throat until his lips were pressed against the crotch of his slacks. My dick stirred to life immediately. I even reached down and started rubbing myself through the fabric of my slacks as I spied on the husky actor as the guy continued his job on thick cock. I don’t know how long I stood outside peeking inside, but it was too long.

“What in Hell are you doing!”

I turned around and there was Charles Durning standing behind me. Then before I could answer him he grabbed me by the back of the neck and pushed me inside the room. Dolph and the guy hearing us turned around and spotted us.

“Ah... ah...” I started trying to explain but just didn’t know what to say.

We stared at each other dick for a long moment. Then he put his arm around me and whispered in my ear, "You're gay aren’t you?"

I was sort of taken aback, but answered with a "yes."

He then said smiling that charming smile of his, "Good, good. Come on in."

“Couldn't wait till I was finished with this one?” Dolph called out as he continued mouth fucking the other guy.

At this point I noticed Mr. Durning's hand was reaching inside his slacks past his belly. I knew he was rubbing his cock which was showing signs of a hard on. It was no use hiding my hard cock. It was at full staff as I the current events started to take affect on me. Charles stared down at me, smiled and unzipped his pants before reaching inside with one hand and pulling out a pale cock.

"Now, suck me off.” He said in a tone of voice full of authority. I couldn’t have refused if I had wanted to. I couldn’t believe that I was about to suck Charles Durning's dick, but it was happening! I dropped to my knees in front of the suited actor, grabbed his huge pale cock in one hand and guided it to my mouth. The thing was bigger than I imagined. And as I tongued the delicious head of his cock, I glanced up into his blue eyes. I enjoyed him looking down at me as I sucked the head of his cock.

"Shit, that feel good." He called out as he began to hunch me with his hips sending his fat cock in and out of my mouth.

After a minute or two of me licking and bobbing on Charles' hard cock, he said, "Now kid, get behind him and fuck him."

Though I'd prefer sticking my cock one of these two actors instead of this guy, but the whole situation already had me rock hard and ready to fuck anyone. My 7" thick cock slid in with no resistance. I knew then and there that this guy had been doing more than just sucking cocks. In a few minutes, I had the guy moaning and by By now, I could tell Dolph was about to cum as I noticed the strained look on his face.

I couldn't take anymore and began slamming my cock hard into this guy. He stopped sucking Dolph to scream and I saw stream after stream of the actor's cum pump onto his face. And with my cock buried deep into this guy, I pumped a full load of cum into his warm ass.

I was slowly pulling out when Dolph got up, pulled me aside and aligned his sausage to the guy's gaping asshole. I moved aside and watched as the tip of the old cock was rubbed against his soaking ass crack. The guy began to rock back against the old man's cock until it was finally wet enough for Dolph to push in, penetrating and stretching the guy's hole.

Hearing movement behind me, I turned to see Charles stepping out of his slacks. Seeing the guy fucked a second time had given him a raging hardon as he led me onto the couch next to where his co-star was fucking. Dolph was really enjoying himself at this point as he was pounding away toward his second nut.

Suddenly, Charles pushed me down and was beginning to lick and suck my cock. It was still covered with cum from the fucking. He seemed to relish the sucking even more as he cleaned my cock and balls. He then raised my legs and began licking my asshole. What an incredible feeling. I'm not sure who was squealing more, me or the other guy.

A moment later, Charles had stopped licking my asshole, but was still lifting my legs in the air. I was about to be fucked and I didn't know what to think. I was hot and delirious and I wasn't about to stop him.

"Give it to me. Fuck me." I called out. The sight of his huge cock was too much for me. I need it inside me.

"Please fuck me." I begged as I could feel his cock head massaging the opening of my ass.

"Bet you've been fucked a thousand time you're such a wild one." The old man said as he quickly moved forward and pressed the head of his monster cock against the my asshole.

"Here comes ready or not." He said as he grabbed my ankles and forced his cock into me. It was a mixture of pain and extreme pleasure as I could feel his balls against my ass.

"Now, I am going to give you a fucking like only Old Charlie can." The old man said when he finally had all his cock stuffed inside my old asshole. And with those words he pulled his cock part ways out and then rammed it savagely back to the bottom of my asshole.

I cried out and moaned as he slowly began to pump my ass with his cock. He sped up until he matched the rhythm of Dolph fucking the other guy. The scene excited me so much that my dick started dripping precum and I knew that I was going to shoot off without even touching myself. Before long my asshole quiver and became spastic as I shot off. And still the old goat fucked me ever harder and faster. Side by side, Dolph and the other guy on the floor, Charles and I on the couch, pumping their own respective pussies. The two old men were continuing to speed up and they were close to emptying their seed.

Suddenly I was screaming, "fuck me" over and over again. And as if it were planned, they both began to jerk.

"Yea, take my cock. You got a good ass. A damn good, hot ass. Oh God, it is too good. I am losing it. Oh, I am losing it." The old man cried out as I could feel the warm cum filling my insides.

His hot load of cum throw me into a fit that left me weak and disorientated as he let his cock finish emptying into me.

The four of us lay in a heap for several moments. Charles was the first one to get up, slowing pulling out of my ass. Dolph was doing the same as everyone was exhausted from the fuck fest. He glanced down at me in a strange way before asking, “You ain’t going to say anything about this are you, kid?”

I shook my head. Then Charles rolled on top of me and started deep kissing me as he grabbed my balls and squeezed them so hard that it felt like he was crushing them.

“You damn sure better not!” He said when he stopped kissing me.