#And I'm REALLY HAPPY you enjoyed my writing :)

[monzabee]

run for the hills – lh44 (+18)

masterlist ||

Summary: The one where fate decides to bring you back into Lewis’ life, making him question his belief in fate.  

Pairing: lewis hamilton x rosberg!reader

Word Count: 9.3k 

Warnings: cursing, crying, drinking and mentions of alcohol, mentions of brocedes (rip), kissing, unprotected sex (you shouldn’t be surprised at this point), oral (m receiving), hand kink, praise kink, minors dni!!

Request: “hey, Merry Christmas 🫶🏽 I was hoping I could request a Lewis smut fic where the reader is Nico Rosberg's sister (with a age gap of around 6-8 years with him and Lewis) and before 2016 they were just really close friends who just kissed once but chose to pretend it didn't happen. after years, they run into each other at a club or a party and they're pretty snappy at each other but there's a lot of tension too and they end up having sex where Lewis is really cocky and also the reader has a hand kink and praise kink? I'm so sorry if I made it too long, i love your writing <33” + “oooo please could i request something w lewis?! something gut wrenchingly angsty? sorry i don’t really have a plot in mind hhhh thank you heheh”

Author’s Note: hi, hey, hello!! HAPPY NEW YEAR, i started this fic last week and i honestly didn't think I'd finish it this quickly but here we are. don't let my words fool you, i got the request last christmas but if you know me then you know that i am not quick when it comes to working on requests (i'm working on this i promise), not that this fic is even remotely christmassy, but let’s just appreciate that it is supposed to be set during the holiday period lol. this was supposed to be a shorter one but here we are, lol, i'm not even surprised at my inability to keep things short at this point. i posted this fic and realised i forgot to copy and paste a big chunk of it so oh well. as always, feedback is appreciated, and i hope you guys enjoy! good morning, noon or night wherever you are, xoxobee 

Please also note that all of my works are protected under copyright, and not available for reposting on other platforms. 

Lewis decided he doesn’t like cold a long time ago. That’s why, being the ever-decisive person he is, he chooses to spend his winter vacationing in places like the Maldives or Bali. His decisiveness is an important part of him, given what he does for a living. When he is on the track, in his car, there is no room for hesitation – he needs to be able to make split-second decisions under intense pressure, what’s not to love about that? So, once he decided he’d rather spend his time off basking in the sun rather than freezing to death somewhere else, he never looked back. He enjoys spending his time off in someplace tropical with his family, or without his family; most of the times away from the prying eyes and camera lenses of the media. 

But this time, it’s different – he's alone. 

Or rather, he thought he would be alone. The villa he rented out for the duration of the month is isolated, just how he likes it. He wakes up to the sound of waves crashing against the shore right outside his windows, and the distant chirping of tropical birds to accompany him as he lounges on the large deck, overlooking the infinite expanse of blue. There are no spectators around to gauge his reaction, try to get him to speak out about his plans for the next year when he moves to Ferrari, or what he’s going to do when he eventually retires one day. He hasn’t seen anyone from the racing world for weeks, and it’s been a much-needed break. He’d usually love to spend Christmas with his family, the only time he would ever tolerate the cold being when he is with his family, but this year he just wanted to get away on his own. 

There is no one around that expect anything from him. Just peace. 

He’s not a hermit, of course, but he enjoys spending his time by himself mostly isolated from all the other guests of the touristic area he’s staying in. The chef that works at the villa is on call for when Lewis decides that he wants to stay in for the night, the housekeeping staff come every morning to clean up around the house, then promptly leave, providing Lewis with the privacy he so desperately needs. But other than that, and a few nights spent outside in a restaurant or a club? He is all alone, and he is not complaining about it. Another thing about Lewis Hamilton is that he doesn’t believe in fate. He believes in setting and achieving goals; after all, that’s what he’s done all his life. His success isn’t some cosmic coincidence. It’s years of sacrifice by his parents, relentless effort, and unwavering determination. So, when things happen that feel serendipitous, like running into someone from his past, he doesn’t chalk it up to destiny. He chalks it up to the sheer unpredictability of life. 

And yet, as he steps out of the villa to head to a nearby beach club after dinner, he doesn’t expect to run into you, especially not after how the things ended last time, but there you are. His eyes find you at the bar with some guy next to you – he has to do a double take. Just to make sure, he tells himself. But no matter how many times his attention reverts to you, he knows it’s you. Of course, it’s you. Though he’s not a believer in fate or destiny, or whatever you might want to call it, there you are – dressed in a flowy linen dress. His first instinct is to ask the server to seat him somewhere else so that he wouldn’t have stare at you and your ‘date’ for the night. His grip on the glass in his hand tightens momentarily, and he exhales slowly, forcing himself to look away. This is not the moment, he tells himself. It’s not his business, not anymore. But still, his gaze drifts back to you. You’re laughing at something the guy says, your head tilted slightly as you sip from your drink. He can’t hear your laughter, no – but what a sound that would be to hear, he thinks for a moment. 

He knows he shouldn’t care who you’re with or what you’re doing; it’s been years since the two of you shared anything beyond... well anything, really. But something about seeing you here, in this place he thought was his private retreat from the world, feels like a twist of fate – or the kind of cosmic joke he claims not to believe in. But his eyes watch you as you throw you head back in a laugh and he can practically hear the sound in his head, his mind taking him to years ago when he used to be one of the people who got to hear it first hand; when he joined your family on karting days, or when you celebrated with him when he won a race, or even back to that one time when him and Nico were trying to drive those unicycles and you kept doubling over in laughter when they fell down – something your brother did not appreciate, but Lewis couldn’t help the smile that crept on his face as he watched you from the ground.  

Somethings never change, he thinks, as he notices the smallest of smiles that has crept its way onto his face, quickly disappearing the moment he catches himself. He knows it shouldn’t matter to him – let alone bother him. But old habits die hard, and the sight of your smile, that easy laugh, stirs something in him that feels like both longing and a pang of annoyance. You’ve always had a way of getting under his skin. Back then, it was teasing remarks that somehow felt more genuine than any praise he received elsewhere. He catches himself glancing your way again, his jaw tightening when the guy beside you leans in a little too close. It’s irrational, this surge of jealousy that claws at his chest. He knows he has no right to feel this way, but that doesn’t stop it from burning through him. He looks down at his drink, willing himself to focus on anything but you. But memories have a way of sneaking up on him, unbidden. The days spent at karting tracks, the shared dinners with your family, the quiet moments when it was just the two of you, talking about everything and nothing at all. Back then, it was easy. Natural. Like you were two pieces of a puzzle that fit together perfectly, until you didn’t. 

Just then, you glance over, your eyes scanning the room before they land on him. For a moment, everything stills. The laughter fades from your face, replaced by something unreadable. Surprise, maybe. Or recognition. His breath catches in his throat, and he curses himself for the way his chest tightens under your gaze. He watches as you excuse yourself, heading towards the restrooms, and he swears he has never gotten up so fast and walked so fast in his life. He doesn’t think, he just moves until he spots you in the hallway, queued behind some people waiting for the bathroom line. What kind of a club only has one bathroom? He thinks, but that’s not the point. 

He clears his throat. 

You turn, eyes widening in that familiar, guarded way. “Lewis.” Your lips open in shock as you glance behind him and then focus on him again, “Did- did you follow me here?”  

“Were you on a date with that guy?” The words come out of his mouth before he can stop himself, his voice colder than he expects. 

You blink, taken aback by the question. “Excuse me?” 

He stands there, regretting the words as soon as they leave his mouth, but that doesn’t stop the irritation from creeping up his spine. His gaze flickers to the bar behind him, where the guy you were with is still talking to the bartender, oblivious to what’s going on. “I asked if you were on a date,” he repeats, a little sharper this time as he emphasises the last word. 

You raise an eyebrow, the surprise on your face melting into something more guarded, a mix of disbelief and annoyance. “What if I was?” You cross your arms, your eyes narrowing. “Maybe I’m just out enjoying my night. Ever think of that?” 

He feels a rush of heat in his chest. “It’s not like I care,” he mutters, though it’s clear from the edge in his voice that he does. “Just curious.” 

You scoff, your lips curling into a sarcastic smile. “Sure, Lewis.” 

“So?” He inquires, “Are you? On a date with that guy, I mean.” 

You raise an eyebrow, clearly not amused. “Are you serious right now?” you snap, your arms tightening across your chest. “You’re standing here, in the middle of a hallway, asking me about my love life? What is this, high school?” 

Lewis feels the heat rise in his neck, irritation mixing with a sense of frustration he doesn’t quite understand. “I’m not asking for your life story, just... just an answer. Is it that hard?” His voice is tight, but he doesn’t back down. 

You scoff again, your lips curling into something between a smirk and a sneer. “You really think you can just waltz back in and start demanding answers like we’re still... You know what? Yes, Lewis, I’m on a date.” You throw a glance over your shoulder at the guy still sitting at the bar. “We met on the beach at the hotel I’m staying at, and I thought I’d let him treat me to a dinner and a couple of drinks before I’d let him fuck me six ways to Sunday.” You roll your eyes at someone on the queue gasping at your choice of words. “Not that it’s any of your business. Are you happy now?” 

Lewis’s hand grips your wrist, a little too tight, and without warning, he’s tugging you away from the bar, his jaw clenched. “Come on,” he mutters, his tone low and urgent, as he steers you towards the back exit. You’re caught off guard, stumbling to keep up with his forceful pace, your heart hammering in your chest. 

“What the hell, Lewis? Let go of me!” you snap, yanking your arm free once you're outside in the chill night air. The chill hits you like a slap, the heat of the club’s atmosphere fading behind you as the door slams shut. 

“Seriously?” he spits, his eyes flashing with a mix of anger and frustration. “You’re gonna play it like that?” 

You take a step back, crossing your arms over your chest. “I don’t know what game you're playing at, but I’m not interested. What the hell was that back there? Dragging me out like I’m some kind of... of property?” 

He glares at you, his fists clenched at his sides. “You’re unbelievable.” His voice rises, sharp and cutting. “I ask you a simple question, and you throw that crap at me? What the hell did you think I was supposed to do? Just stand there and pretend like I didn’t care?” 

You laugh bitterly, shaking your head. “Pretend like you don’t care? That’s rich coming from you. You don’t get to just waltz in, after all this time, and act like you can demand answers, Lewis. Like you have any right to know what’s going on in my life.” 

“Your brother would be so disappointed in you right now.” His words hit you like a punch to the gut, and for a moment, the air between you two freezes. The breeze picks up, but the sudden silence makes the world feel too loud.  

“You don’t get to talk about my brother,” you seethe, as Lewis's face hardens, his jaw tensing, but it’s the look in his eyes that hits hardest — it’s a mixture of hurt and fury, both so raw, you almost feel sorry for what you’ve just unleashed. 

“What did you just say?” His voice is low, almost dangerously so, the words slipping through clenched teeth. 

You swallow, but it doesn’t help the sharp edge in your voice. “You heard me. You don’t get to talk about him, you don’t get to fuck up my life and you don’t get to come back here acting like you still have any claim on me or my life.” You’re breathing heavily now, the anger and hurt mixing into a bitter cocktail that you can’t quite swallow – funnily enough, Lewis can smell the cocktail you had earlier. “You left. You made your choice, Lewis. And now you don’t get to barge back in and pretend like I owe you anything.” 

Lewis stands in front of you, his chest rising and falling with each breath. His eyes are dark, his jaw tight as he processes your words. He doesn’t know when the two of you got closer together, he can practically feel the anger radiating off you, “You think I don’t know that?” he spits, his hands balling into fists at his sides. “You think I don’t know what I did?” His voice cracks slightly, the vulnerability slipping out before he can stop it. “I fucked up, alright? I fucked up more than you’ll ever understand. We all did – me, Nico, you.” 

“You don’t get to make me feel guilty about this, Lewis. You don’t get to act like I’m the one who fucked everything up.” Your voice shakes, but you keep going, the words coming faster, more bitter. “You kissed me and called it an ‘accident’, a fluke. You fought with Nico every chance you got. I had to pick up the pieces on my own.” 

Lewis flinches at your words, but his anger doesn’t dissipate—if anything, it only sharpens. His hands remain balled into fists at his sides, but there’s something else behind his eyes now, something raw, something almost desperate. “We wouldn’t have worked out,” he mutters, it’s something that he said to himself time and time again to convince himself of it, “I am– was your brother’s friend, you–” 

“You were my friend, too!” You exclaim, your hands swatting at his arms, chest – anywhere you can reach. “You left me, as if I meant nothing to you! You stole my first kiss and shattered my life to pieces on the same day!” You manage to get in some good hits despite Lewis’ attempts to calm you down, and the lump in your throat makes it harder for you to continue talking, “Do you know how many times I wondered if you kissed me just to piss Nico off? Do you know how that feels?” 

“What?” He asks, his voice low. Each hit, each accusation, it stings. But nothing hits harder than the raw emotion in your eyes – hurt, betrayal, and the weight of everything he left behind. He opens his mouth to speak, but the words catch in his throat. “You think I kissed you to get at Nico?” he says finally, his voice quieter now but no less intense. There’s an edge of disbelief, of hurt, as if the idea itself cuts deeper than your accusations. “Do you really think so little of me?” 

You cross your arms tightly over your chest, holding yourself together in the face of his raw honesty. “I don’t know what to think, Lewis. What was I supposed to think back then? You shut me out. You made me feel like it never happened – like I never happened.” 

“You were twenty-three years old,” he points out, “our age difference–” 

“Oh please,” you scoff, pushing at his chest one last time, “you’ve fucked girls younger than that.” 

Lewis flinches at your words, as if they’ve struck a nerve he didn’t even know was exposed. His jaw tightens, and for a moment, he doesn’t say anything. “You don’t get to throw that in my face,” he finally says, his voice low and clipped, tinged with a kind of frustration that feels different from before. 

“Why?” You ask, head cocked to the side. “I can’t comment on you fucking other people, but you can question my actions because I want to fuck–” 

“Say ‘fuck’ one more time and I swear I’ll–” 

“—what, Lewis?” you snap, cutting him off before he can finish his threat. “You’ll what? Walk away again? Pretend this conversation never happened, just like you did last time?” 

His jaw clenches, the muscles in his face tightening as he tries to rein in his emotions. “Don’t push me,” he warns, his voice low and taut, but there’s no real menace in it—only desperation. 

“Oh, I’m pushing?” You laugh bitterly, throwing your hands up. “I’m the one pushing? You’re the one who showed up here, dredging up every memory I’ve spent years trying to bury. Don’t you dare put this on me, Lewis.” 

“You think this is easy for me?” he shoots back, his voice rising. “You think I don’t hate myself for what I did? For what I didn’t do? I’ve lived with this every single day, and you—” 

“Fuck you!” you shout, stepping closer, your finger jabbing into his chest. “Fuck you, fuck you, fuck–” 

His hands shoot up, grabbing your wrists – not harshly, but firmly enough to stop your movements. You don’t even fully register how quickly he pushes you against the wall, “You think I ran off and lived some perfect life?” he hisses, his face inches from yours as he inhales deeply. “You think I didn’t miss you every goddamn day? You think I didn’t lie awake at night, wishing I’d had the guts to ask you to stay?” 

His words hit you like a tidal wave, the rawness in his voice leaving you momentarily speechless. For a moment, the anger in his eyes softens, replaced by something else – something that feels far too close to the hope you’ve been trying to suppress. “Well... yeah.” You inwardly cringe how your voice sounds so weak, but Lewis tilts your chin back to make you look at him.  

“Is that so?” He mumbles, thumb caressing your chin as his eyes hungrily take in how your chest moves with each deep breath your inhale and exhale.  

Your breath hitches as his thumb lingers, his gaze dropping to your lips like he’s fighting every instinct to close the distance between you. “Lewis...” you start, but his name comes out softer than you intend, more of a plea than the warning you meant it to be. 

“What?” he murmurs, his voice low and dangerous, but there’s a softness to it, an undercurrent of vulnerability that sends your heart racing. “What do you want me to do, huh? Walk away again? Because I can’t. Not this time.” 

You shake your head slightly, but his grip on your chin keeps you from fully looking away. “I don’t know what I want,” you admit, the words tumbling out before you can stop them. “I don’t even know how to feel about you anymore.” 

His eyes darken, and his jaw tightens, but he doesn’t let go. Instead, he leans in, his forehead almost brushing yours. “Then let me remind you,” he says, his voice a low rasp. 

Your pulse quickens, every nerve in your body screaming at you to push him away – or pull him closer and he tension between you is suffocating. “Don’t,” you whisper, but your voice wavers, betraying the battle waging inside you. 

“Don’t what?” he asks, his lips hovering dangerously close to yours. “Don’t do this?” You don’t answer, your throat too tight, your mind too clouded with memories, anger, and something else you’re not ready to name. He waits, his breath mingling with yours, his patience stretching thin. “Say the word,” he whispers, his voice rough with restraint. “Tell me to stop, and I will. I will let you go back and take him back to your room and do whatever you want.” 

But you don’t say it. You can’t. Because as much as you hate him, as much as you want to scream at him, cry, and push him away... you also want this. Want him. 

And Lewis knows it. 

His hand releases your wrist, sliding down to your waist as his other hand stays on your chin, tilting your face toward him. The kiss that follows isn’t soft, isn’t sweet – it’s desperate, raw, and filled with years of unspoken words. It’s anger and longing, heartbreak, and desire, all crashing together in a way that steals your breath and sends your heart into overdrive. A softer kiss might have been what you wanted, but Lewis knows this is what you need. His body presses against yours, and your hands instinctively find his shoulders, clinging to him as if letting go would leave you falling apart. His lips are warm and insistent, the taste of him intoxicating. Every move, every touch, feels like he’s trying to make up for everything he never said, everything he left behind. 

The kiss deepens, each second unravelling more of the carefully constructed armour you’ve built around your heart. His fingers grip your waist tighter, grounding you even as everything else feels like it’s spinning. You can feel the heat radiating off him with every press of his body against yours. Your mind screams at you to stop, to think, to pull away before you lose yourself completely – but your body betrays you. The years of hurt, anger, and confusion dissolve into the fire burning between you, ignited by a kiss that’s as much a battle as it is a surrender. 

Lewis pulls back just enough to let you breathe, his lips still hovering close, his forehead resting against yours. His breath is hot against your skin, his voice low and rough when he finally speaks. “You still want to go back and fuck your little lover boy?”  

“Who?” You mumble, breathless as a result of the kiss as your eyes become heavy with something you can’t quite describe. 

Lewis smirks, a glint of triumph flashing in his dark eyes. "Exactly," he murmurs, his thumb brushing over your waist in slow, deliberate circles. His confidence is maddening, but the heat between you makes it impossible to summon the indignation you’d usually feel. 

You try to muster a response, something sharp and cutting to put him back in his place, but the way his gaze drops to your lips again makes the words dissolve before they even form. “Don’t do that,” you manage, though your voice lacks the conviction you intended. 

“Do what?” he asks innocently, though the rasp in his tone betrays his intent. 

“Act like this changes everything.” 

His smirk falters, replaced by a seriousness that roots you in place. “It doesn’t change everything,” he admits, his voice quieter now, almost tender. “But it changes something. Doesn’t it?” 

Your heart pounds against your ribs as his words sink in. You hate how easily he disarms you, how effortlessly he pulls you back into his orbit no matter how much you’ve tried to escape it. But deep down, you know he’s right. “I hate you,” you whisper, though even you can hear the weakness in your words. 

“I know,” he replies, his hand moving to cup your cheek, his thumb tracing your skin like he’s memorizing every inch of you. “And I hate myself for making you feel that way.” 

The sincerity in his voice cuts through the haze, making your chest tighten. But before you can think about it, you find yourself tugging on the collar of his unbuttoned shirt, pulling him closer to yourself as you mumble, “Kiss me again.” 

Your hands, which moments ago were pushing him away, now find their way into his hair, pulling him closer, as if to anchor yourself in the storm he’s unleashed within you. Lewis doesn’t hold back. His grip tightens on your waist, pulling you flush against him, the wall at your back the only thing keeping you steady. The kiss deepens, his lips moving against yours with an intensity that borders on desperation, as though he’s afraid this moment might slip through his fingers if he doesn’t hold on tight enough. When the need for air becomes undeniable, he pulls back just enough to look at you, his forehead resting against yours. Both of you are breathing heavily, the space between you charged with everything unsaid. “Tell me you didn’t feel that,” he says, his voice hoarse, his thumb brushing against your cheek. 

You can’t answer right away, your heart hammering so loudly in your chest it drowns out any coherent thought. But eventually, you manage to find your voice. “I hate you,” you whisper, but there’s no conviction behind the words. They sound hollow, even to your own ears. 

He lets out a dry laugh, shaking his head. “No, you don’t.” 

“Don’t tell me how I feel,” you snap, but the edge in your voice falters. 

“I’m not,” he murmurs, his gaze unwavering. “I’m telling you what I see. And I see you... still here. Still looking at me like that.” His hand trails down to your hip, his touch light but grounding. “If you hated me, you would’ve walked away by now.” 

You close your eyes, willing yourself to regain some semblance of control, but it’s impossible with him standing this close, his presence overwhelming. “This doesn’t change anything,” you say, though it feels more like you’re trying to convince yourself than him. 

“Maybe not,” he concedes, his voice softer now. “But it’s a start.” You don’t say anything to agree or refute his statement, and after a brief pause, he straightens, fixies your dress and tries to fix your hair as well. “Come on,” he says, “I’ll take you back.” 

“But, my bag,” you mutter, pushing out your lower lip in a pout when you realise your bag is on the floor. Lewis has to restrain himself when he sees your lips all puffed up because of him. Your voice is whiny, and he realises you’re slurring your words a little bit when you tug on his shirt, “I don’t wanna leave my bag here.” 

Lewis looks at you for a moment, his expression softening as he reaches up to tuck a loose strand of hair behind your ear, his fingers brushing against your skin with the same tenderness he’s shown all night despite all your fighting. With a soft exhale, Lewis bends down to pick up your bag, holding it out to you with the same quiet care. “Don’t make that face,” he murmurs, his voice teasing but laced with something tender. “You really wanna go back to that room, after everything that just happened?” 

You look at him, a mix of confusion and desire swirling inside you. “I don’t know what I want,” you admit, the honesty slipping out before you can stop it. The words feel raw, vulnerable, but there’s something about his presence, the way he’s here, still so close, that makes you feel safe enough to say it. 

Lewis doesn’t say anything right away. Instead, his eyes soften, his thumb grazing the strap of your bag as he watches you closely, as though he’s searching for something in your expression. Finally, he steps closer again, the space between you narrowing once more. “I get it,” he says quietly. “But I’m not letting you go home alone tonight.” 

The words send a shiver down your spine. You want to protest, to push him away, but there’s something in his gaze, the way he’s looking at you now, that makes you second-guess everything you thought you wanted. You hesitate for a moment longer, the weight of your thoughts heavy in the air, but the pull between you is undeniable. It’s the kind of pull that’s magnetic, that doesn’t let you escape even when you try to resist. 

Finally, you nod, the decision feeling both like a surrender and a choice you can’t take back. “Okay,” you murmur, your voice barely audible. “Take me back, then.” 

You don’t even remember getting into his car, but you do remember the smug look he shot at your date – Carl, you think – when he helped you through the club with a firm hand on your back. The villa Lewis rented for his little getaway is entirely what you expect it to be – modern, grand, and secluded enough so no one uninvited would know he is there and bother him. The couch in the living room looks way too inviting and you make a mental note to avoid it for now. Sitting on it might make this whole situation feel too real, too comfortable, and you’re not ready for that. You glance around the space instead, taking in the clean lines of the modern furniture, the polished wood floors, and the sprawling windows that offer an unobstructed view of the moonlit ocean. You walk towards the windows, eyes taking in the view from inside the villa. The ocean stretches out endlessly before you, its surface shimmering under the moonlight. The soft sound of the waves crashing against the shore is faintly audible even through the glass, a gentle hum that seems to echo the turmoil in your chest. 

You wrap your arms around yourself, partly to steady your nerves and partly to shield yourself from the vulnerability creeping up on you. The view is breathtaking, but it does little to quiet the storm of emotions swirling inside you. You faintly hear Lewis calling out your name, but as if you are in a trance, you can’t take your eyes off the view in front of you. His voice calls out to you again, softer this time, closer. “Hey,” he says, and you feel the warmth of his presence before you even see him. Lewis’s reflection appears in the glass, his dark eyes fixed on you as he stands just behind you. 

You finally tear your gaze away from the ocean and turn to face him, your arms still wrapped protectively around yourself. “It’s beautiful,” you say, your voice barely above a whisper, as if speaking louder might shatter the fragile moment. 

Lewis nods, his expression unreadable as he follows your gaze back to the window. “It is,” he agrees, but there’s a weight to his tone, as if he’s not just talking about the view. His eyes flicker back to you, searching your face. “But it doesn’t seem like it’s helping much.” 

You let out a shaky laugh, more to fill the silence than anything else. “It’s not that simple, Lewis.” 

“Nothing ever is,” he replies, stepping closer until there’s only a breath of space between you. “But I’m here. You don’t have to deal with whatever this is alone.” 

The sincerity in his voice makes your chest tighten, and for a moment, you let yourself lean into it. “I don’t know what to do with you,” you admit, the words tumbling out before you can stop them. “With... us.” 

He exhales deeply, his hand lifting as though he wants to touch you but hesitates. “You don’t have to figure that out right now,” he says, his voice steady. “I just want to make sure you’re okay tonight. That’s all that matters to me.” 

Something about his words, his presence, eases the knot in your chest, if only slightly. “I don’t even know where to start,” you murmur, more to yourself than him. 

“Then don’t,” he says simply, his voice carrying a quiet reassurance. “Just be here. With me.” 

You look up at him, your eyes searching his face for any sign of pretense or ulterior motives, but all you see is the same man who’s managed to undo you with a single glance. “Show me your room.”  

“We don’t have to do that.” His eyebrows furrow as he reaches for your cheek, “That not why I brought you here.” 

“Isn’t it?” You try to joke, but his deep sigh is a sign of his disapproval. “I know that’s not why you brought me here, but it can be one of the reasons you brought me here.” 

“Can it?” He drawls, a small smirk tugging at the corner of his lips.  

“For God’s sake, Lewis.” You sigh, turning your body towards the man standing next to you. “Do I need to beg you for you to fuck me?”  

Lewis’s smirk falters, his expression shifting into something deeper, darker, but undeniably tender. “Don’t,” he murmurs, his voice low and edged with restraint as he steps closer. His hand comes up to cradle your face, his thumb brushing against your cheek. “You don’t need to beg me for anything. Not now, not ever.” 

The intensity in his gaze makes your breath catch, and for a moment, the air between you feels electric. “Then fuck me,” you whisper, your voice trembling with equal parts frustration and desire. “If you want me, show me.” 

He closes his eyes briefly, like he’s steadying himself, and when he opens them again, the resolve in his expression takes your breath away. “You think I don’t want you?” he asks, his tone low but firm. “You don’t know how hard it is to hold back, to stop myself from–” He cuts himself off, his jaw tightening as if even admitting it is too much. He reaches for one of your hands, freeing from your hold and places it on his crotch. “See what you do to me?” 

The crude act manages to steal a gasp from you, your eyes widening at how hard he already is. “Lewis,” you mutter, he responds with an affirmative hum, “show me your bedroom.” 

He takes your hand, his grip firm but careful, and leads you down a sleek hallway. The sound of your heels clicking against the polished wood floor echoes softly, a counterpoint to the pounding of your heart. When he pushes open the door to his bedroom, you’re momentarily distracted by how much the space reflects him. The massive bed dominates the room, its crisp white sheets and plush pillows inviting. Floor-to-ceiling windows let in the silver glow of the moon, casting the room in a soft, ethereal light. The massive bed dominates the room, its crisp white sheets and plush pillows inviting. Floor-to-ceiling windows let in the silver glow of the moon, casting the room in a soft light.  

You walk towards the centre of the room, the corner of your lip trapped between your teeth as you glance at Lewis over your shoulder before you run towards the bed and throw yourself onto the soft bedding. Lewis watches you with an amused smirk as you sprawl across the bed, your carefree motion starkly contrasting the simmering tension in the air. “Comfortable, baby?” he asks, his tone teasing, but the heat in his eyes betrays his calm façade. 

You prop yourself up on your elbows, giving him a challenging look. “Very.” Then you narrow your eyes at him, “But don’t call me baby, I am not your baby.” 

He chuckles, low and throaty, as he steps closer, loosening the top button of his shirt with a deliberate slowness that sends a shiver down your spine. “No?” he muses, stopping at the edge of the bed. His eyes roam over you, drinking in every detail as if committing you to memory. 

Your breath hitches when he leans over, placing a hand on either side of your body, effectively caging you in. His face is so close to yours now that you can feel the warmth of his breath. “I like seeing you like this,” he admits, his voice dropping to a husky whisper. “Relaxed, it suits you.” 

A flush creeps up your neck at his words, but you refuse to let him have the upper hand completely. Your fingers trail up his chest, over the defined planes of his torso, and then slide beneath the open collar of his shirt. “I could say the same about you,” you reply, your voice soft but loaded with meaning. 

His response is immediate. His lips crash against yours with a fervour that steals your breath, his hands gripping your waist as he pulls you flush against him. The kiss is raw and consuming, years of tension and unspoken words pouring into the connection. When he pulls back, his forehead resting against yours, his breathing ragged, he looks at you like you’re the only thing that matters. “You have no idea what you do to me,” he murmurs, his voice thick with desire. 

You smile, your hands slipping down to the waistband of his pants. “Why don’t you show me?” 

He doesn’t need to be told twice. In one smooth motion, he lifts you, your legs wrapping instinctively around his waist as he carries you to the centre of the bed. He chuckles at the sound of your giggling, as he carefully lays you back down on the soft bed. His fingers work diligently to get you out of your dress, pulling the linen garment over your head as Lewis lets his eyes hungrily take you in. When your dress finally falls away, leaving you in nothing but lace and skin, Lewis takes a slow breath, his eyes scanning over your body with a mixture of awe and hunger. “You’re incredible,” he murmurs, his voice thick with admiration. His fingers trace the curve of your waist, his touch sending shivers of desire through your body. 

You arch slightly into his touch, your breath coming faster, and you meet his gaze with a challenge in your eyes. “Are you going to just gawk at me, or are you going to actually do something?” 

He smirks, a flash of cockiness in his eyes. “Patience,” he teases, but there’s no mistaking the hunger in his voice as he lowers himself over you. With one hand bracing himself above you, his other hand slides down between your bodies, his fingers brushing against the sensitive skin of your inner thigh. His touch is slow, almost teasing, and you can’t help the soft moan that escapes your lips as his fingers inch closer to where you need him most. “You like this?” he asks, his voice low and gravelly, his lips just inches from yours. His fingers find the lace of your underwear, his touch deliberate as he pulls it aside and slips a finger inside you, making you gasp. “You’re fucking perfect,” he groans, his lips crashing against yours as he deepens the kiss, his finger working inside you with a slow, steady rhythm. You can feel the heat building between you, the tension in the room thickening with every passing second. 

“Don- don’t say ‘fuck’, Lewis,” you tease him with a small smirk as your breathing becomes deeper, “it’s unbecoming.” 

“You’ll see who will be coming in a few minutes, baby.” He chuckles at the way your expression changes at the mention of the word, his fingers moving in deeper as your let out a disapproving moan, “What? You don’t like it when I call you that?” 

With another dissenting hum and a raise of your hips to meet his hand, you let out a long exhale. “I’m not your baby Lewis, stop calling me that.” With the patience that only he can tolerate, he continues the leisurely movements of his fingers. “I want more, please.” 

Lewis tuts at your words softly, chuckling as he takes in your reactions. “I think you have a very important decision to make here,” he murmurs, his eyes suddenly painted with something more serious, “because once I fuck you, I’m not letting you go.”  

“I’ll believe it when I see it.” The words come out choppy as your breathing gets more erratic, his fingers stubbornly keeping to the slow rhythm he’s set.  

Lewis's gaze sharpens, the challenge in your tone sparking a flame in his dark eyes. “Oh, you’ll see it, alright,” he murmurs, his voice a velvety promise as his hand withdraws briefly, leaving you breathless and aching. Before you can protest, he moves with deliberate precision, tugging his shirt over his head and revealing the expanse of his chest – sculpted, strong, and utterly captivating. “Get on your hands and knees.” 

The command leaves no room for debate, his voice firm but laden with heat. Your heart skips a beat as you meet his gaze, a mixture of defiance and curiosity flickering in your expression. “Bold of you to assume I'll listen,” you quip, though the slight tremor in your voice betrays your anticipation. 

Lewis smirks, leaning down until his lips brush the shell of your ear. “Oh, you'll listen,” he murmurs, his breath warm against your skin. “Because you know exactly how patient I can be, but the same can’t be said for you.” 

A shiver runs through you at his words, and before you realize it, you’ve complied, shifting onto your hands and knees in the centre of the bed. You can practically feel his gaze on you, then all of a sudden, you can actually feel him behind you, the bed dipping slightly under his weight as he moves closer. “Good girl,” he says softly, his voice rich with approval, and the way your body reacts to the praise is almost embarrassing. “Oh, my beautiful darling.” His hands skim over your back, tracing the curve of your spine before settling on your hips. The grip is firm, possessive, sending a thrill through you.  

The sounds of him taking himself out of his trousers and pumping cock in his hand is pure debauchery, yet you find yourself pushing your hips back against his thighs. Lewis's low chuckle reverberates through you, a sound full of confidence and desire. His hand tightens on your hips, steadying you as he leans in, his chest brushing against your back. The heat of his skin against yours makes you arch into him instinctively, earning another throaty laugh from him. “You're eager,” he teases, his voice dark and dripping with amusement. “I like you like this.” 

You bite your lip to suppress the needy sound threatening to escape, refusing to give him the satisfaction. “Maybe you're just slow,” you retort breathlessly, glancing back at him over your shoulder, a challenging look in your eyes. 

Lewis growls low in his throat, his hands sliding across your back. “Careful,” he warns, though there's a glint of amusement in his dark eyes. “Push me too far, and I won't be nice.” Your breath catches at his words, but before you can form a response, you feel him guiding himself to your entrance, teasingly dragging against you. The deliberate slowness makes your frustration peak, and you push your hips back, a wordless plea for him to stop teasing. 

“Patience, darling,” he murmurs, his voice a husky promise. But even as he says it, he shifts forward, entering you with a deliberate motion that steals the breath from your lungs. 

The sensation is overwhelming, every nerve in your body alight as he holds still for a moment, letting you adjust. “Lewis,” you breathe, your voice shaky with need.  

His hands gently caress over the skin of your back and hips, soothing over the sharp feeling of Lewis easing himself into you in small movements of his hips. “You’re doing so well,” he shushes your whiny moans, his hands tracing your sides, grounding you. “You feel perfect, we’re almost there, darling.”  

“A-almost?” Your voice cuts his words off, voice shaky with need, “It’s not going to fit, Lewis, I can’t-” 

He leans over you, his lips pressing tender kisses along your spine, each one sending a ripple of warmth through you. His voice is a soothing murmur in your ear. “Relax for me, darling. Let me take care of you.” Your breathing steadies under his touch, the initial sting giving way to a fullness that leaves you breathless as he pushes himself fully into you. You arch your back slightly, pressing into him as his hands continue their gentle exploration of your body. The tenderness in his actions contrasts with the raw desire in his voice, creating a heady mix that leaves you yearning for more. “That's it,” he praises, his tone soft but laced with heat. “You’re incredible. See? We made it fit.” 

“I feel so full.” You manage to let out, voice whiny as the moan is ripped from the back of your throat. “It feels so good, Lewis.” 

He begins to move, a slow, steady rhythm that builds gradually, allowing you to feel every inch of him. The friction ignites a fire within you, and you can’t help the soft moans that escape your lips, each sound spurring him on. His grip on your hips tightens, his pace increasing as he finds the perfect rhythm, each thrust sending waves of pleasure coursing through you. “You feel so good,” he groans, his voice low and thick with desire. His hand slides up your spine, tangling in your hair as he pulls you back slightly, his lips brushing against your ear. “You’re mine, you know that? Only mine.”  

The moan that comes from you is dissenting, causing Lewis to slide his hand down your throat to use the leverage to pull you up on your knees, pressed against his chest. “No,” you say, hands extending backwards to keep holding onto him in an attempt to keep up with the rhythm in which he is fucking you now. 

His words send a shiver down your spine, the possessiveness in his tone igniting something primal within you. “Say it,” he commands, his voice rough as his movements grow more urgent. “Say you're mine.” 

Your breaths are shallow, punctuated by soft whimpers as you cling to him, trying to keep pace with his movements. The way he pulls you against him, his hand firm on your throat, sends a jolt of heat through your core. His hand is firm around your throat, but not uncomfortable to the point that you can’t breathe. 

“I’m not yours,” you gasp defiantly, your voice trembling with every move he makes.  

Lewis growls low in his throat, the sound vibrating against your back as his hand tightens slightly around your neck—not enough to hurt, but enough to keep you in place. “We’ll see about that,” he says darkly. 

His hips snap against you harder now, his rhythm relentless as if determined to prove you wrong. The overwhelming sensation leaves you gasping, your fingers clutching at his forearm for balance. His free hand slides down your body, gripping your waist to hold you steady as he drives deeper, each thrust sending shockwaves of pleasure through you. 

“Still not mine?” he murmurs, his lips brushing against your ear. His tone is equal parts teasing and commanding, daring you to resist him. “Still think someone else can fuck you better than I can?” You bite your lip, trying to stifle the moans spilling from you, but the way he moves, the way he claims you, has you crumbling. “Say it,” he repeats, his voice a low growl that echoes through your very core. 

Torn between defiance and surrender, you meet his challenge with a shaky breath. “I’m-” you begin, but he cuts you off with a particularly deep thrust that has you crying out his name instead. 

“Hmm?” Lewis chuckles darkly, clearly enjoying your struggle. His grip on your neck softens slightly as his fingers trace the column of your throat in a soothing gesture. “Come on, baby, just say it.” 

“I’m-” The word catches in your throat as he shifts slightly, the angle of his hips hitting a spot that sends a jolt of pleasure through you. A broken moan escapes your lips instead, and Lewis smirks against your ear, clearly revelling in your unravelling. 

“Say it,” he demands again, his voice low and demanding. His hand slides from your throat to your jaw, turning your face just enough that his lips can brush against the corner of your mouth. The gentleness of the gesture is at odds with the raw intensity of his movements, leaving you breathless. 

“I’m yours,” you finally gasp, the words tumbling out in a mix of desperation and surrender. 

Lewis freezes for a heartbeat, his chest heaving against your back as the admission settles between you. Then, with a triumphant growl, he resumes his pace, his grip on you tightening as if he intends to imprint himself into every fibber of your being. 

“That’s my girl,” he murmurs, his voice thick with satisfaction. His lips trail along your shoulder, leaving a path of heat in their wake. “Say it again.” 

“Yours,” you whisper, the word coming easier this time, though the weight of it still sends a shiver through you. 

His rhythm grows more urgent, his body moving with a single-minded purpose as he pushes you both toward the edge. “Never forget it,” he groans, his voice rough and ragged, “now come for me.” You blame the singular cocktail you had three or so hours ago for your compliance to his words, as you feel the wave of pleasure crash over you, obliterating any coherent thought. Your body trembles uncontrollably in his arms, your cries of release echoing in the room as he whispers sweet words of praise in your ear.  

There are a million other things Lewis expects you to say, but you surprise him with a, “I wanna taste you.”  

Lewis's movements still, his breath catching at your unexpected words. He pulls back slightly, his dark eyes locking with yours, filled with surprise and a flicker of intrigue. A slow, mischievous grin spreads across his face. “Oh, is that so?” he murmurs, his voice tinged with amusement and undeniable heat. 

You nod, your cheeks flushing under his intense gaze, but there’s a spark of confidence in your eyes. “I really do,” you say softly, the tremble in your voice betraying both your boldness and your eagerness. 

He studies you for a moment longer, his expression shifting to one of reverence laced with desire. "Well," he says, his voice low and gravelly, "who am I to deny you, darling?" With a gentleness that contrasts the fervour of moments ago, Lewis guides you to sit up, his hands warm and steady as they support you. He shifts to the edge of the bed, leaning back slightly, giving you room and letting you take control. His gaze never leaves you, his dark eyes glinting with anticipation. You settle between his thighs, your hands skimming over his skin, marvelling at the way his muscles tense under your touch. There's a sense of power in the way his body responds to you, in the way his breathing hitches when your lips brush against him. You look up at him, meeting his gaze with a small smile before leaning in. The moment your mouth closes around him, Lewis groans low in his throat, his head falling back as his control begins to slip. His hands find their way to your hair, his touch gentle but firm as he guides you, his breaths coming in shallow gasps. “Just like that,” he praises, his voice rough with pleasure. “You’re perfect, baby.” 

The sound of his voice, the way he says your name like it’s the only thing that matters, spurs you on, and you lose yourself in the moment, intent on unravelling him the way he did you. Your lips move with deliberate intent, your tongue tracing teasing paths that have him groaning your name like a prayer. His fingers tighten in your hair, a gentle tug that makes you glance up at him through your lashes. The sight of him – head tilted back, his lips parted as he struggles for breath, sends a thrill through you. 

“God, you’re incredible,” he murmurs, his voice ragged and filled with awe. His eyes find yours, and the intensity of his gaze makes your pulse quicken. “You have no idea what you do to me.” Encouraged by his reaction, you take him deeper, your hands gripping his thighs to steady yourself. The sound he makes is primal, his control slipping further as his hips jerk involuntarily. He tries to hold himself back, but you can tell he’s close to losing himself completely. “Baby,” Lewis rasps, his voice thick with need, “you keep that up, and I won’t last.” You hum around him in response, the vibration pulling another groan from his lips. His hand slips from your hair to cup your face, his thumb brushing against your cheek in a tender contrast to the raw passion between you. “Look at me,” he whispers, his tone almost pleading. 

You meet his gaze, and the connection between you feels electric. His chest heaves as his breaths come in quick, shallow bursts, his control hanging by a thread. “I’m so close,” he warns, his voice a low growl. “Do you want me to stop?” The shake of your head is all the answer he needs. With a curse under his breath, he lets go, his body shuddering as he gives himself over to the waves of pleasure crashing through him. He holds your gaze the entire time, his grip on you tightening as if anchoring himself to the moment. 

When he calms down, he collapses back against the bed, his chest rising and falling with deep, uneven breaths. You sit back after swallowing, a triumphant smile playing on your lips as you take in the sight of him, utterly undone. “That was fun,” you rasp as you take in the sight in front of you. 

Lewis chuckles softly, the sound low and breathless, as he drapes an arm over his face, trying to regain his composure. “Fun?” he repeats, his voice laced with amusement and lingering satisfaction. He peeks at you from under his arm, his dark eyes glinting with a mixture of adoration and disbelief. “You’ve got no idea what you just did to me.” 

You tilt your head, feigning innocence as you crawl up the bed to lie beside him. “I think I’ve got a pretty good idea,” you tease, your voice light but with a hint of pride. 

He turns toward you, propping himself up on one elbow, his free hand reaching out to trace lazy circles along your arm. “You’re dangerous,” he murmurs, his tone soft yet filled with a reverence that makes your cheeks flush. “And I’m completely at your mercy.” 

You laugh, the sound light and genuine, as you nuzzle into his touch. “I think you like it that way,” you reply, your fingers grazing over his chest, feeling the steady thrum of his heartbeat beneath your touch. 

“More than you know,” he admits, leaning in to press a lingering kiss to your temple. The tender gesture contrasts with the raw intensity you’d just shared, and it sends a warm flutter through your chest. 

For a moment, silence falls between you, the only sound the soft rustling of the sheets and the slowing rhythm of his breathing. Then Lewis shifts, his arm slipping around your waist to pull you closer. “You know,” he murmurs, his lips brushing against your hair, “I don’t think I’ll ever get enough of you.” 

The weight of his words settles over you, and you glance up at him, your heart skipping a beat at the sincerity in his gaze. “Good,” you whisper, a small smile tugging at your lips.  

He smiles back, a look of pure contentment spreading across his face as he tightens his hold on you. “That’s all I get?” 

“We’ll see how you feel after we get home,” you mumble as you run a finger along the curve of his jaw, “you might be bored of me by then.” 

“Home,” Lewis muses quietly, breaking the silence and ignoring your words. His voice is softer now, contemplative. “I like the sound of that.” 

You glance up at him, his face so close that you can see the faintest hint of vulnerability in his expression. It stirs something deep within you – a mix of tenderness and longing that takes you by surprise. 

“Yeah,” you murmur, leaning in to brush your lips against his. “Me too.” 

[astrasng]

Refined Secret || N.J

→ summary: you were engaged to jeno, nevertheless, his best man somehow twists your head in his direction.

→ pairing: manipulative!jaemin x fem!reader

→ wc: 3.3k

→ warning: smut || cheating, manupulation but just slightly!, reader is called dumb (by me lol) OJ fem receiving, nicknames, unprotected sex.

→ a/n: 'm so going crazy yall lol i love jeno btw he's my bias but it was logical to him being the best friend yk so i'm sorry if someone thinks it's shit like this but i promise it's WORTH IT. (i swear i’ll write something for him too to even it out)

enjoy!♡

    You wish you could say this is not how you wanted your relationship to go with Jaemin. But no. All you wanted was that you have a good relationship with your husband’s best man,being the perfect fiancée that gets on well with everybody. Your husband-to-be prioritized his friends and family like no other, his friends incredibly important as he basically grew up with them. 

    He always found it adorable how hard you try to fit in with his group of friends, always welcoming them with open arms whenever he told you that his friends are coming over. He really did appreciate your hard work. 

    Jaemin loved his best friend, more than anything. But when he heard that he’s getting married to someone, he was the first who wanted to see the bride. Weird, right? Well, up until now he was simply jealous because there’s someone else in Jeno’s life now beside him. There will no longer be just Jaemin and Jeno, but Jeno and his fiancée. Of course, he was happy for him, but the minute his eyes landed on you he felt like he could turn the whole world upside down.

     Ever since that day, he spent sleepless nights in his cold bed alone, trying to get you out of his head. This little game in his head repeated over and over every night, and there were times when it worsened those days when he saw you. After months of knowing you, after stroking himself every night in his bed at the thought of you smiling or laughing so prettily at something Jaemin said nearly always made him finish in his boxers, he decided to make his move.

    You were loyal, never in your life thought about cheating on Jeno, your perfect fiancé. But sometimes you were too gullible, with the right words, your head was quickly turned in the wrong direction. But you thought, this should be fine, it’s his best friend! in a naive voice inside your head. Your eyes couldn't stay away from Jaemin either, whenever he came over he always flashed a leg shaking smile in your way, greeting you in a husky voice. He made your heart skip multiple beats whenever he sat down across from you at the table when he stayed over for dinner, or when the whole group was over for a get together. It felt like he always gave you more attention, his eyes never leaving yours when talking, nor when someone else talked. 

    It was infuriating seeing you being together with somebody else that is not him.

    In Jaemin’s eyes, he didn’t see the chemistry between you and Jeno. And this is why he decided to prove to you that it’s useless being together with his best friend. Even if it hurt him, he needed you at this point. Jaemin felt his body physically drawn to you, his body always close to yours in a room, not holding himself back when his arm brushed against yours, or when that one time he practically brushed his crotch against your backside. 

    “Excuse me, darling.” You heard a voice behind you, then felt two hands gripping your hips to smoothly push you aside so Jaemin could walk past behind you. His warm hands on you made you look up into his eyes,seeing him smirking down at you when your breath hitched at feeling something subtly hard against you. 

    Since then, you can’t not blush in his presence. 

    The subtle leg brush against your leg snaps your head in another direction, directly in Jaemin’s half lidded smirk as he pays attention to his friend, Haechan, talking about something he finds in this circumstance simply boring. His chin is propped up against his hand as he keeps his gaze away from you, his hair perfectly styled which makes you want to dishevel just to see him blissed out from the pressure you usually use to grip on his hair. 

    But you can’t.

    You told yourself multiple times since the last session you had with him. When Jaemin approached you for the first time, it was sudden but not unexpected. Both of you could feel the weird attraction between the two of you, the ache in your bodies spoke louder than any words. And later, your acts too. But you told Jaemin that it can’t happen again. 

    The thing is with him, he is determined. He wants you, he needs you, so he has to have you now. And you knew this perfectly, when you heard Jeno coming in the bedroom after a long day of work just to tell you that he’s throwing a get-together again the next day.

    You know it perfectly, just as you stare at his annoyingly handsome face not looking at you. But here you are again, hungry for his attention. 

    “Jaemin, can you bring in the beer from the garage?” Your fiancé, Jeno, suddenly speaks up as he momentarily turns away from his conversation with Renjun. You snap your head in his way now, seeing him pointing at the garage door. Jaemin finally tears his eyes away from Haechan and looks at Jeno like everything is alright, immediately nodding at his request. As he stands up, he suddenly stops and walks back to him, bending down slightly to whisper something in his ear. 

    As you scan Jeno’s expression, he nods and gives him a pat on his shoulder. It makes you furrow your eyebrows together, quickly looking away from the scene and continue drinking your mocktail of the evening. But it doesn’t go in your way, it would be too easy.

    “Baby, can you go with Jaemin? He doesn’t know where we usually keep the drinks.” 

    At your pet name, you freeze on the spot, the liquid in your mouth almost making you choke as you look up at Jeno again. He sweetly smiles at you, his attention halfly already back in the conversation going on on his side, trusting you that you can show him the way. Your stomach flips as you notice Jaemin smirking behind him, his hands still gripping the chair behind Jeno as he’s looking at you. His gaze roots inside you the longer he stills it on you, amused by your visibly frightened reaction at your fiancé’s request. But who are you to say no to him? This is exactly why Jaemin pretended to be dumb and nicely ask for some assistance from you, knowing that Jeno is too deep into something with Renjun. 

    “Please? I’m really into something here, baby.” Jeno pleads one last time as you nod your head and hesitantly stand up, seeing Jeno sending you a smile for helping his dear friend out. 

    When you stand up and walk around the table to get your way towards the door, you see Jaemin finally pushing himself away from the chair and following you swiftly, catching up behind you so close that you can practically hear his heartbeat. Your steps are calculated, your heart beating against your ribcage as you near the garage door, soon opening it with force so you can get over this quickly. As you open the door, the sudden cold and stale smell hits your nose while trying to find the switch to the lamp with your hands, the pitch black making you feel even more uneasy.

    “Don’t worry, I got it.” Says Jaemin behind you, his hands immediately finding the switch in one swift motion, his body standing next to you radiating warmth in the room. As you slowly look up at him he sends you another smile, his hand now sliding down from the switch to catch your hand still on the wall. “Can you show me where the drinks are, princess?” He says lowly, biting down on his bottom lip as he can feel you shaking with nervousness, his hand catching your cold ones. “You’re so cold, baby. Do you want me to-” 

    “It’s over there, behind the shelves.” You cut him off as you push yourself away from him softly, now standing a few steps ahead of him. The door behind him is tightly shut, the light in the room flickering slightly as Jaemin’s body is still leaned against the wall. He looks like a dark fantasy in the shadows, his body alone making you dizzy as he’s just looking at you with dark eyes. Your rejection makes him let out a chuckle and step further away from the door, walking closer to you once again, but before you can blink, he’s walking toward the shelf you pointed to, his broad shoulder disappearing for a second. 

    As you’re left alone, you can let out the breath you holded in for so long, the air hitting your lungs immediately as you slowly step backwards towards the cold wall, your head already clearing out as the minutes passes. 

    “Uhm, they are not here, princess.” 

    Jaemin’s hesitating voice suddenly rings from behind the shelf, making you open your eyes and go around to find him looking down at the empty mini fridge in the corner. You furrow your eyebrows, stepping closer to examine the place but your eyes can’t find the searched drinks. “Hm, this is weird. We put it here when we arrived.” You vividly remember coming in the garage with Jeno to put away the drinks bought for tonight, the cold air still remaining in your memories too. 

    You look around once more, picking yourself up from the squatting position to stand next to Jaemin. “Well, I guess you’re not getting beer tonight.” You say as you stand up,but then you notice Jaemin’s body turned fully in your direction, his eyes boring into yours with desire. There’s that stupid smirk pitched on his mouth and your entire world is moulded around him again. You feel your heart pick up as he steps closer to you again, his head slightly tilted to the side. 

    “Jaemin..maybe we should go back to the others-”

    “You want this.” He breathes, his eyes never leaving yours as you weakly look up into his. He visibly can see the denial on your face, eyebrows slightly furrowed together. “You get wet just thinking about this little game we’re playing behind your fiancé….you get wet just thinking about me,aren’t you, baby?”

    His sentence only proves to you how goddam stupid you are.

    You can hardly look into his eyes as the pictures of you stretched open and sore from the amount of times he has fucked you in different places flashbacks in your mind.It always takes you back when he praised you without hesitation the whole time he fucked into your pussy, until you were trembling and pleading for more. It was weeks ago since you last did it with him, your ache only can be soothed by him. You needed him and he knew it better than anyone.

    “You don’t get it, do you?” He says finally, his eyes still looking down at your plump lips, his hand sneaking around your waist to grab, his body now fully pushing you against the wall. You struggle to breath, your chest touching his as you try to get air in your lungs again, thinking about how wrong this is. But it never happens, because Jaemin brings one finger up to caress your exposed neck. “You gave me a taste, baby. Don’t expect me to let go now.” He draws circles on your skin, his warm breath hitting your ear as his lips ghost above your shell.   

 “I see the way you look at me,you want me just as much as I want you.” He whispers, his words making you squeeze your eyes together like all this can disappear like it's magic. As you take another breath your breasts push against him again, making him groan out in agony, his hand on your hips pulling you even closer until you feel his hardened member pressing against you. Upon that, you can’t help but whimper, your shaky hands landing on his strong forearms.

    “I’m not a temporary desire, baby.” 

    With that, Jaemin pulls you by the neck and kisses you, hungrily, and deeply. His tongue easily slides inside your warm mouth,teeths claddering together as saliva spills from the corner of your mouth. He pushes his body closer to your, his hips stuttering as he feels the friction between you finally reaching him, rubbing his clothed cock against you repeatedly. 

    “Jaemin, we shouldn’t-” You pull away from his chasing mouth, the air between you already hot enough to warm up the whole room alone. Letting your plea go past his ears, he continues to kiss your exposed neck, the delicate skin feeling delicious as he can feel the vibration against his lips caused by the moan you let out. There’s a wet spot soaking through your underwear by the time Jaemin finally takes his hand and slowly slides it under your dress. He groans when he feels the slickness soaking his fingers already, his head nuzzling more in the crook of your neck. “Fuck, sweetheart. You were this wet while sitting across from me? Dirty girl.” He pants into your ear as his hips can’t stop chasing the friction to ease the pain in his painfully tight boxers. 

    “Want me to fuck you tonight too, hmm?” Jaemin swipes his fingers against your puffy clit, making you buck against his hands for more. “Want me to fuck you in here while your husband is outside, not caring where we are?” 

    You gasp into the thin air as you feel him push two fingers in your seeping hole, your back arching off the wall, one hand landing in his black hair to grab on, other grabbing onto his wide shoulders. Jaemin groans against your skin at your touch, his lips finding yours again to quiet your moans. His other hand lets go of your grinding hips, sliding all the way down to his pants to quickly unbuckle his belt, dropping it to the floor with a heavy sound. His fingers move in out of you, involuntarily rooting in your wet, hot, fleshy core with a loud click of your moisture as he takes his already leaking cock out, slapping against your exposed thighs. 

    He continues to plunge  his fingers in and out of you, his eyes scanning your already fucked out expression as he sees a string of saliva rolling down the side of your mouth. “That’s it baby, let me stretch you out.” He groans as he looks down at where his hand disappears, lifting the sundress to expose your wet cunt to the cold air, making him moan at the sight as your knees shake with anticipation. 

    “P-please….Jaem, just f-fuck me already..” You whimper out, your grip on him tightening as you reach your climax soon. You pull him in by his hair and kiss him hard, your tongue swiping over his bottom lip as you moan against his mouth, his body close to yours again. Jaemin moans into your mouth before taking his fingers out, making you immediately whine out at the empty feeling but then he swiftly grabs his cock and strokes it a few times before pushing his tip against your clit. The feeling makes you moan again, clenching around nothing but air as you can’t wait to welcome him inside your warm walls. “Fuck, you’re so fucking wet, princess.” He groans as he feels the slickness practically dripping down on his cock, his hands spreading your arousal around his shaft. 

    You can feel him lining himself up against your tight hole, pressing just enough to get you whimper out more pleas and whines. 

    “Say it.” He demands, his eyes hard on you again.

    He sinks the first few inches inside your warm, tight walls, his dark eyes awake and boring into your trembling body.

    “I hate this.” You whimper, your knees almost giving out as Jaemin hits that spot with simply a few inches.“I hate you.” You lie again, your mind clouded with his sex and voice as you throb around his tip. His chuckle makes you arch your back against the cold wall.

    “Say it again while you’re cumming, princess.Want to see you make a mess of yourself.” 

    Thrusting forwards he stuffs his entire lengths inside you with one, rough stroke as you both moan out loud in the echoing garage. 

   “Ah–fuck! Jaemin-” 

    “That’s it, princess. Scream my name just like that.” He says, shoving one of your knees up higher his hips as he pulls entirely out, and then slams into your tight hole once again. “I’m gonna stuff this pussy with full with my cum baby, and when Jeno fucks you later tonight he can see I already satisfied you.” He grabs your leg tighter, his other hand finding your clit to draw fast and hard circles around it,making you moan out again. 

    “He can’t fuck you like I do, sweetheart. Nobody can.” Jaemin murmurs against your skin as leaves red, purple splotches on your neck and collarbones, his hips thrusting you harder against the wall as his tip hits your cervix. “You always come back. You always say this is wrong, but here you are again, stuffed with my cock with tears in your eyes, right baby?” 

    “J-Jaemin…mhpfm…please..” You try with a trembling voice, your nails leaving crescent moons on his skin, your other hand grabbing onto his har so hard you fear there will be strings in your palm. 

    “Yeah.” Jaemin smirks. “Keep saying my name when you go to bed with him. Come for me. Come on my cock.” 

    At Jaemin’s voice, however much you try to hold it in, you come around his throbbing cock inside you so much, that you almost feel lightheaded as you nuzzle your face into his neck. Your walls spasm around his thick member, your arousal spilling out around him onto the floor as Jaemin keeps grinding into your core to reach his own high. With a slightly open mouth, he pants against your ear as he feels the way you still wrap around him, your cum around him almost making him lose his head at the slippery and delicious feeling. But with one final thrust, you can feel him shooting ropes of white cum inside your flushed walls as he finishes his thrusts, his hips slowing down as the minutes pass. 

    You can’t help but wince when he pulls his cock out and the air hits your sensitive area again, feeling his finger already collecting the spilling out mixed arousals from your cunt, stuffing it all back with two fingers, making you moan again. 

    “Think you can sit like this all night?” He finally looks up into your eyes again, his smirk already in the corner of his mouth as he lets your leg fall from his hips.

    At his question, you push his shoulder and fix your dress slightly. With a defeated expression, you look around the garage again. “What should we tell the others? The drinks disappeared, why did we take so long?” You look at Jaemin again, seeing him squatting down next to the fridge just to see him taking a whole tray of beers from behind the fridge. “Are you kidding me?” You gasp and push his shoulders again as he laughs at your expression.

     Jeno’s head snaps in the garage’s way as soon as he hears it slam in once again, seeing the two of you walk out of there with flushed faces. 

    “Hey, did yall find the drinks?” He asks, his eyes glued on the two of you.

    “Yeah man, but you gotta change the light in there. It was really creepy.” Jaemin pulls his chair out and calmly sits down, still trying to catch his breath as he takes a slow look at you.     

  “We almost didn’t find the beer.” He says with a small smirk, his head tilted to the side as you groan inside from his annoying acts.

i need him hello

𝄞⨾𓍢ִ໋ taglist : @tmrwsuns @myraet @arunainluv

[bookofbonnie]

NEIGHBOURS: 2 - VI ARCANE.

Characters: Vi x Reader.

Summary: AU. You've settled into your new apartment and life with your new neighbour, Vi. It's domestic bliss until you notice that something is clearly going on with Vi.

Word Count: 2k+.

A/N: This is formatted and written really weirdly so, I'm sorry if it's hard to read. Anyways, I enjoyed writing the first one so, I decided to do a second part. Honestly, in my head, this is taking place in the 2000’s.

PART ONE.

Excluding the difficulties that came with the first day and a half in your new apartment, transitioning into life in your new home had come with a surprisingly, comfortable ease after that.

A huge part of that was thanks to Vi. 

During your first week of moving in, Vi found herself and her tools at your place more than her own as you settled in and discovered new faults and problems that she was more than happy to fix.

In return, you fed her and after that, the two of you found yourself falling into something of a domestic routine. 

Including (but not limited to) -

Collecting each other’s mail from the mailroom:

(Angel Face: Attachment: 1 Image. 1 new message. Did you know that despite marketing their packaging as discreet, sex shops still print their website in tiny print on the label? 

Bob the Builder: fckn kill me.

Angel Face: You have to show me what you got when you get home. Please and thank you!)

Carpooling where you could:

(Your keys jingle in the lock and you twist the door handle for good measure, making sure it’s locked when a low whistle comes from the end of the hallway. 

Vi emerges from behind her own door, gym bag in hand. 

“Cute leggings,” Vi comments with a grin, closing and locking her door behind her. 

The compliment has your cheeks heating up but, you cover it with something silly.

“Thank you,” you beam and begin hitting a few poorly executed bodybuilding poses for her. “I’m glad you noticed. They’re new.”

Vi watches, amused, as you continue to muck around with the poses when her mouth suddenly goes dry when you pull your too-big-T up and over your ass and hit another pose. 

She swallows thickly, eyes wide and focused on the curve of your plump backside

When you spin around, she quickly averts her gaze with a cough as you toss her your car keys.  

“They’re nice,” Vi catches the keys, ducking her head to hide her coloured cheeks before mumbling. “You should definitely buy more.”

“Hm?”

“Uh- nothing-” Vi fiddles with the strap of her gym bag. “Ready to go?”) 

Grocery runs together + shopping in each other’s pantries: 

(“This is a lot of eggs,” Vi comments, eyeing the crate of twenty-four. 

You breathe a half-laugh, “do you need eggs, Vi?” 

There’s a long pause and it prompts you to turn around from your position on the couch to where a contemplative Violet stands in front of your open fridge. 

“... Maybe.” 

You laugh, proper, this time and it sends a kaleidoscope of butterflies through Vi; she's committed the sound to memory but still she wishes she could bottle the sound and wear it around her neck. 

Vi steals a glance at you and you smile fondly at her with your head propped on the back of your couch, “take as many as you need.”)

Movie and weekly TV nights:

(“Finally! Hurry, hurry,” you usher Vi inside your apartment. 

“Live rewind only goes back 30 minutes and the show started 28 ago.” 

“Fuck, sorry, I didn’t realise I was that late,” Vi apologises, quickly kicking her shoes off and dropping her keys in the bowl. 

The two of you settle into your usual positions on your couch, you in the corner of your L-shaped couch and Vi at the other end with her feet propped up on the ottoman. 

You cast one last look between the TV and Vi, ready to hit play but you don’t because the way she sits slumped in her seat, feet on the floor, shoulders sagging and eyes glazed over doesn’t go unnoticed by you. 

“Hey,” you call softly. “You okay?”

 “Hm?” Vi blinks, taking a second to register your voice. 

“Yeah, yeah, let's watch,” she waves off your concern with a hand in the air. 

“Vi… you know we don’t always have to do these movie nights? Right? If you don’t want to… you can just tell me. I won’t be offended,” you offer her what you hoped was a comforting smile. “and I mean if something’s happened, you can talk to me… if you want .” 

Vi feels her throat clog because there’s genuine concern in your eyes and how is she meant to tell you that she just got into a huge fight because she wanted, chose, to be here with you tonight. 

She can't so she says-

“Just got into a disagreement with a-uh friend. It’s nothing, promise. Now hit play otherwise it’ll be you who makes us miss the first few minutes,” she finishes with a teasing grin and hoping you didn’t notice the way she stumbled over the word friend.

You did. But, you don’t say anything and, soon you forget about it all together because Tyler Lockwood just triggered his werewolf curse!!)

Taking turns to cook and having dinner together most nights - turns out neither of you knew how to cook for one person so, it was easier to just cook for both.

It’s how the two of you end up in Vi’s kitchen on a Wednesday night. 

Topic of conversation: family, parents, childhood and everything in between. 

You were both still learning about each other.

You learned Vi’s parents had passed away in the Zaun Revolution.

She and her sister, Powder, were adopted by her dad, Vander, who was an old friend of her parents.

They also had two brothers- Mylo & Claggor.

Vander raised them all with the help of another old friend of her parents, Silco. 

You recognised both of their names.

“Wait- how do you know who they are?” Vi looks at you with curious eyes. 

“Because, I’m from here? And I think I would know my cities leaders,” you say, laughing, as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world.

“Wait- so you are from here?”

“Yes… have we not had this conversation before?”

"Nope," and Vi is pleased to learn that she was right about you, after all.

You were from Zaun, you just didn’t grow up in Zaun which is why she had never met you before.

Your parents were Zaunite scientists who initially worked for Former Councillor Heimerdinger at The University of Piltover but, following his retirement, they now worked for Councillor Talis and his partner, Viktor, so you had spent the majority of your life in Piltover.

Vi’s mood shifts at the mention of Jayce Talis.

“For Jayce Talis, huh?” Vi questions, casting a sideways glance at you. “He’s uh- he’s pretty close to the Kiramman’s… your family, are they um- like, close to any of them?” 

Vi doesn’t know why she asks that. (She does).

But there was no taking it back now.

She shakes her head at herself and peeks at you from the corner of her eye, hoping you don’t notice the odd question or the way her hand slows on dicing the last of the vegetables.

You don’t.

Not missing a beat, you fire up her stove, place a pan on top of it and answer her question.

“With Jayce? I mean, yeah? Sort of? My parents work for him so they’ve spent a lot of their time over the years with him in the lab but, they’re way closer to Viktor. Grew up down the road from each other and all that so, he’s practically family and well… Jayce is his family. They’re kind of a package deal, so Jayce is around a lot much to the initial annoyance of my parents but they’ve learned to indulge him.”

Finishing up with the vegetables, Vi turns to face you, leaning against the counter with her arms folded across her chest. 

Your eyes can’t help but stray for a brief moment to look at the swell of muscles in her arms that flex from the movement.

“Learned to indulge him?” 

“Yeah… I mean- he means well and he’s really nice but he’s still… unlearning some of his prejudicial misconceptions about Zaun and her people but... he's getting there,” you breathe a short, wry laugh. “Slowly but surely.” 

Your words hit a little too close to home for Vi and she clears her throat uncomfortably, pushing off the counter to start cleaning the bench so she can distract herself while you stand over the stove and cook. 

“And as for the Kiramann’s, I mean I went to school with Councillor Cassandra’s daughter, Caitlyn but-”

Vi drops the dish in her hand and it lands in the sink with a loud clang!

The sound makes you jump and you ask her if everything’s okay-

“Yeah, yeah, all good,” Vi wipes a sweaty hand across the back of her trackies with a nervous chuckle. “Just a slip of the hand- sorry, why are we talking about Caitlyn Kiramann?” 

Vi tries not to sound defensive, tries her best to sound casual but it comes out as anything but, her voice short and clipped.

You pause for a moment - was she... annoyed with you? - then breathe a sigh of disbelief, confused by the sudden whiplash- 

“Vi… you asked me about the Kiramann’s,” you remind her. “I was just answering your question.”

“I did?” 

“Yeah, you did-” you retort, feeling a little exasperated and desperate for answers because there had been a steady build up of- this.

Whatever the hell this was. 

After that night when she showed up late to your place, you noticed that something was off.

She seemed to be eating less, drinking more on the weekends and sleeping even less. 

Then there were the bruises and scuffs that were making more frequent appearances across her face and all over her body.

You were pretty certain those weren’t coming from the sparring matches she participated in, in the gym as she so claimed.

Despite all of that however, the routine the two of you had fallen into hadn’t changed- Vi was still showing up for you.

But... even you could see that it was becoming  exhaustive for her, light snores more frequently leaving her lips from where she’d laid her head on your lap only minutes into whatever tv show or movie the two of you had started but, every time you offered to cancel, she’d flat out refuse.

“Me? Cancel?” she’d scoff.  “And miss my favourite part of the day? Yeah, right, angel face. Not getting rid of me that easily” 

You had made it a point not to comment because you weren’t sure how’d she react if you began to more forcefully pry into her life considering she had already shut down your several attempts to check in with her before.

But, this time you don’t give her a pass.

 “Vi, are you sure everything’s okay? I just feel like you’ve been really off lately and you keep saying you’re fine but, you’re clearly not. You can talk to m-” 

 “I said I’m fine!” Vi snaps and you freeze.

The tension is palpable and hangs suffocatingly between the two of you.

Neither of you move.

Neither of you say anything.

Save for the water dripping from the kitchen faucet and the food sizzling on the stove, there is nothing but silence.

Vi stares at you wide-eyed and caught off guard by her own outburst and you blink back at her in surprise. 

You’re the first one to make a move- releasing a slow, controlled breath.

“I think I’ve overstayed my welcome,” you utter, removing the kitchen towel from your shoulder.

Your words breathe life back into Vi and colours her face with a molotov cocktail of emotions before she settles on a regretful grimace. 

 “Shit- I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-”

“I think you’ve had a long week, Violet,” you interrupt her apology and turn the stove off. “In fact, I think you’ve had a long couple of weeks and if you’re not going to let me in on your problems then maybe you should just leave me out of it.” 

With that, you leave without sparing her a backward glance. 

-

Everything would make sense the following Monday however, after a weekend spent at your parents in Piltover.

You would learn exactly what the problem had been or, who the problem had been, you should say.

You and Vi had never really discussed each other’s love lives but you figured she was clearly fucking someone/s (the sex shop order was a strap harness) and it led you to make assumptions about her. 

Assumptions that were inclusive of:

1. Vi didn’t have one (a love life) - not in a monogamous type way at least - because she never mentioned a girlfriend (why would she omit that, right?) and never brought anyone over.

2. Vi was a player, a serial sleep-arounder, ladykiller, skirt chaser, philanderer- whatever the hell people called it nowadays.

The point was, you found it hard to believe that someone as hot and kind and charming and smart and funny as Vi wasn’t getting laid and frequently - if she wasn't in a relationship then she had to be pulling an insane amount of pussy.  

But, as it turned out, both your assumptions about Vi had been very wrong. 

No, she had a third, more terrible thing going on…

An on-again, off-again girlfriend.

-

“Why are we talking about Caitlyn Kiramann, huh?” you cock your head at Vi with a raised brow from the bottom of the steps.

-

All fics are my own work - I have not posted my work anywhere else.

Disclaimer: I do not own any characters/places mentioned above.

Do not copy. Do not translate. Do not repost.

bookofbonnie 2025. All rights reserved.

[khorneschosen]

Read the bottom first. If you do, none of this matters. I write as I read to help keep each topic in focus. I came to a conclusion that changed everything. Please read the bottom parts first.

You should really read the citations you gave me. Many of the citations given do not actually report what the article says they do, or they are just the game of journalistic telephone.

This is why I keep jokingly saying "enjoy not reading this" because if you don't read the citations you give me, or whats the fucking point? It's why I find the process pointless.

This will be the last citation I accept or give unless you can go through your article and give me the actual data sheet in question. Because a secondary source is dog shit typically, and to be in good faith you should point to the primary source, and its data tables.

Drowning someone in citations you refuse to read yourself in my opinion is a very, very bad faith tactic. It's a gish gallop.

And I want to remind you, logically this argument has nothing to do with my position on a particular subject. I could have ignored it outright and be in good faith to do so. I chose not to, because as I said, it is best to deal with the strongholds or the essentials and fundamentals of your political ideals. This is a benevolence that I engage with, as it logically does not connect to the original claim you proposed to challenge, that I could excuse murder of women. You will need to make your case as to why this is logically sound to be relevant.

Because you asked for a citation but no citation can be on par with my education on the subject. I could cite a great deal many books which point to the irrational base of feminism.

But I decided to point to the fact that all post modern philosophy is defined by its rejection of reason as its philosophical basis. It's what makes a philosophy post modern.

Name a feminist who rejects patriarchy theory and I'll be happy to agree that it's not a monolith. Even irrational philosophies need foundations to their belief structures. That is monolithic even if the monoliths are small to the philosophy they are everything. The blige can be safely ignored if you know what is the actual foundation.

Such as patriarchy theory, such as the marx's view of class conflict between men and women. (That there can never be true equality because men and women as a class have contradictory class interests), the rejection of reason, and so on. These are essentials to feminism.

While we are here, how does feminism come to the duluth model of domestic violence, which claims all domestic violence is an act of patriarchal oppression? How does it come to that conclusion?

Not slow, but inherently flawed. And seeing as how we are comparing for profit vs government run Id point out the failures of the dutch and canadian systems use of suicide as a cost cutting measure, the nhs complete collapse so much so that the for profit system is effectively the only one, the slavery of the cuban system. The errors of these systems cannot be on par with the free market solutions that had previously existed or that are being chosen increasingly in these systems.

Furthermore as I pointed out if you want a comparison you'll actually have to compare the older systems as ours is being purposely sabotaged currently and has been for a few decades now. It can not be called for profit when what it is, is so tightly regulated that it is all but nationalized.

======================================

This part is important to the bottom as well.

I'm pointing out my own nature, that I am emotional, as are you. We both have the capacity for emotion and I am not dispassionate about what I argue for. I am not appealing to your emotion, I am claiming its existence.

Also, has your dispassion allowed you to know "these are the standards my argument rests on" or "this would disprove these standards, foundations, or my argument"? Because you still don't have an answer.

You need an answer btw, because having no falsifiability, is worse than wrong, it's completely invalid. I believe you when you say you don't know, but you need to know the standards even if only you do.

Placing your trust in science or the scientific method, isn't btw a standard. It's an negation of your standards, because you are placing it on faith in academia.

Especially because academia has increasingly been dropping its standards over the years. There is a competency crisis, a verification crisis, and a fraud crisis in academia.

The peer review process is breaking down and when it comes to repeatability when tested it is increasingly failing to validate the many papers published. Worse than that you see on departmental levels, that factors other than truth are ruling them. Such as the cases for those who post studies that aren't friendly to the current political parasites of academia. In short, academia is burning its own creditability down. The standards it has for its own validity are being destroyed by itself.

I understand the standards of whether I am right or wrong. Existence exist. That standard is what cements everything else.

It's why my self improvement is so purposeful and directed. Because with every question and issue I have a standard to weigh what I give that issue. The inexplicable becomes known. The chaos of philosophy and life becomes ordered and manageable.

======================================

This is the part I hope you read.

I want to talk to you about something. Something I hope you will listen to because I only offer it when I think Im talking to someone who will listen and understand and Ive spent so long waiting for someone who might listen and understand. Understand I would post only this if I thought it would go better. Because nothing matters to me as much as this. You have been honest and I will be honest the only way I know how, fully. I know I can't ask for good faith but I can beg for it and I will beg because I don't want this, a chance, to pass me by. A chance to correct an error I made so long ago.

Do you know, or atleast believe me when I tell you, that knowing my own standards, makes me happy? Happy in a way I can't describe fully. I stand stronger, feel fuller, think clearer, and act as I know I should? I feel perfect, in a way that doesn't come from ignoring all my many flaws but knowing I can now correct them. It's an unbreached rationality, without any contradictions or conflicts to bar my path. That so long as I walk it knowingly that nothing can or would stop me. That's what I feel.

You by your own words do not feel this way, and I think you are telling me because you recognize that you should atleast be able to name the demon that haunts you. That in naming it down to the core you can finally fight it. You know you need the standards to weigh the truth not just in a debate but in life. And yet your depression makes it seem like claiming to know the standards would be self destructive. Like it would harm your purity of thought, and process you do to understand. And like me to understand is so important it can't be put off, we have to know. Like you are placing too much importance in your mind. You shouldn't have ever felt ashamed for that. I am saddened to see you have. Not disappointed, saddened. You shouldn't have ever been made to feel that way about your life or thinking.

I think you see science and think as I do about it. As the great tool and means to drive civilization forward. You know the standards involved.

You also know the standards of the scientific process. Rationality, empiricism, both tested by repeatability and peer review. If one finds fault with the peer review it is because that have made a logical error, or have contradicted someone elses conclusions while not disproving them. Repeatability because in science what they discover is reality's entities and how they interact, and because we live in a rational universe, those entities interact in predictable ways, because reality is firm and knowable by us.

Those are the standards I live by, and I think you do too. I want you to live those standards fully. This is all I have ever wanted from any discussion. The standard being, existence exists. That reality exists and we can know it, that being reason. I am asking you to practice fully rationality. Not in contradiction to emotion as emotion too has its own standards and it is important.

I can't help you with the hardest part of all of this. To see and have the strength to accept it because it's demanding but only in the way that breathing is, or your heart beats are. Our heart beats every second we live without rest, without lapse, without error and every second of our life. It's hard and demanding but the heart does it. And to live in reason, is as demanding and hard but the only course forward just like a heart beat.

I can show you the path and the way forward. To give you the words and show you the nature of the contradictions you will encounter. That is invaluable but the hardest parts will be fought alone. I say this not to warn you but prepare you. I can only help you to work it out and come to your own conclusions. I can't give you the virtue you'll need, but that I think you have.

You wanted a citation earlier for the irrationality of feminism, because I don't think you could believe it. That standard is the standard most at play in the world. From the Christians, to the socialists, to the racists and the many ivory halls of academia.

I think you couldn't accept that kind of standard because you know it is wrong. To be irrational is to accept the stupid, the pointless and the incorrect.

I don't want you to have to go through the beating they will give you to make you accept irrationality. Not a beating that is fast aggressive and violent. But slow, grinding, and hopeless in its torture. It will be like walls slowly moving to crush you. Nothing will stop those walls save to escape the torturous prison they put you in.

Irrationality, is the standard of our culture, colleges, and what rules so much of what makes existing in this kind of world so hard and depressing. But you never had to suffer. You shouldn't have ever been made to suffer.

Reject it. They don't deserve the faith you give them as a substitute for the conviction of your own mind.

I will emphasize here I am not telling you to reject science but that you know the standards for it, and they are failing them by the adoption of irrationality. If and when they are right you will have the tools to know it. This is not science denial but to be more demanding of the academic process, that it live up to your idea of what academia should be.

I have spent 3 hours writing this part alone. I have made sections I thought were important to this. I hope it helps. You don't have to answer me, or answer me here I only hope you read and understand. That is all. Thank you for your time.

And how many children are without a parent because of denied medical care, homelessness, police brutality, etc.

If you're going to use "but they have children", be consistent.

[kamisobsessed]

Happy New Year, Soldier Boy

Characters: Soldier Boy x F!Reader, Annie x Reader (platonic), mentions of Hughie, Butcher, Frenchie, Kimiko, MM, etc.

Summary: Annie and Hughie invite you and the other members of 'The Boys' over for a New Years Eve party. You and Soldier Boy don't always get along. When the New Year is about to ring in, you don't have anyone share a New Year's kiss with, but Soldier Boy changes that.

Warnings: Enemies/lovers (sort of if you squint), Soldier Boy (because he's definitely a warning), swearing, fluff, sexual remarks, alcohol, no use of y/n.

A/N: Sorry if this sucks, I finished it quickly because I wanted to post it. I was debating on a smut part 2, but I'm still not confident in my smut writing skills. Let me know what you think!

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

"Please you have to come, I don't care if you don't have a date, we have to celebrate New Years together," Annie said on the other end of the line.

You sat your phone down on your bed after pressing the speakerphone button. "Annie, I love you, but I really don't want to come to your party and be the third wheel between you and Hughie," you chuckled as you stood in your bedroom folding the laundry you just finished doing.

"No third wheeling I promise," she said "pinky swear."

"Fine, fine. What's the dress code?" you asked.

"Casual, whatever you are comfortable with, thank you for saying yes, how can I ring in the New Year if my best friend isn't around?" She teased.

"Yeah yeah, I'm sure you would be just fine with your boyfriend," you replied.

"Maybe, but I still want you here too," she said.

"Okay, I'll be there. Don't expect me on time though," you said.

"You're never on time to anything, I would never expect that," she joked back, "I'll see you tonight!" and with that she hung up.

You put your folded clothes away and decided to take a shower before the party.

The party starts at 8, but you have never been known to show up to things on time. Always the procrastinator.

After your shower, you stood in front of your standing mirror trying to decide what outfit to wear. Eventually you went with your favorite party outfit. It was already 7:45pm and you just finished changing into your outfit and fixing your hair and applying some light makeup.

When 8 o'clock rolled around, you were just leaving your apartment. You let out a soft sigh as you entered your car to drive to Annie and Hughie's place for the party. You were hoping Annie's promise would stick.

--------------------------------------------------------

You pulled up to Annie and Hughie's and went up to their door and lightly knocked. The door swung open and Annie practically pulled you inside into a hug.

"I'm so glad you came!" She exclaimed, releasing you from the hug.

"Hope I didn't have to bring anything," you said, noticing the table of finger foods to eat.

"No, we got it all covered. Come on, we were gonna do karaoke," she said pulling you into the living room.

You scanned the room noticing Frenchie, Kimiko, MM, Monique, Butcher, and some other random people you didn't know.

And then you noticed him. Soldier Boy. Ever since he started working with The Boys, you and him constantly butt heads. He always has something to say about everything you do, or he's trying to get into your pants. He enjoys trying to get under your skin, so you give the same treatment back to him.

Sometimes you do find yourself wondering what it would be like, in bed with Soldier Boy. There's no denying how incredibly handsome he is. But the way he treats you and your friends, you could never do that.

Soldier Boy noticed you standing with Annie. He excused himself from the ladies who were gawking over him and made his way over to you.

"Why is he here?" You grumbled to Annie.

"We invited everyone, even him," Annie said. "Play nice."

"There is no playing nice with him," you said.

"Well look who decided to show up," he said, his infamous smirk plastered on his face.

"Piss off, Ben," you spat back.

"Have a heart, doll, it's almost a New Year!" he grinned, giving you a wink. You tried to hide the blush that began forming on your face.

"I need a drink," you sighed and you walked away to grab a drink from the minibar. You stood there taking a sip of whatever whiskey you poured yourself.

Annie called your name, "c'mon we're gonna start karaoke soon!" she said as she waved you over.

You headed back into the other room with everyone, standing with Annie. They put karaoke on the TV and people began taking turns singing songs.

Everyone eventually convinced Ben to sing Rapture. You just stood back against the wall nursing your whiskey, back behind everyone crowding around him. Everyone listened or danced along with Ben, but his eyes eventually found you. You noticed him staring at you, a smirk on his face. You rolled your eyes trying to look away from him, but his stupid little dance moves made the ends of your mouth slightly curl up. When he noticed your small smile, his smirk turned into a grin as he finished singing the song for everyone.

Ben made his way to you through the crowd of compliments on his performance. "You like the song?" he asked leaning back against the wall next to you.

"s'okay," you shrugged, looking anywhere in the room except at him.

"Back in the day that song was a hit, especially when I performed it," he said.

"Don't you have someone else to bother or some chick to fuck?" you asked, finally turning to look at him.

He smirked, "is that an invitation?"

Yes. No, no it wasn't, get it together.

You rolled your eyes walking back to the minibar to refill your whiskey. Ben followed you.

"I didn't hear a no," he said, "you know, with how bratty you are, you probably need a good fuck."

"You're insufferable," you said, "just leave me alone." you walked away again to go find Annie.

You tried to stay with or near Annie most of the night. It was almost midnight, you were standing back over by the wall like you were before. Annie was off somewhere with Hughie, and everyone else was getting ready to countdown the New Year.

A tall man walked over to you, "Hey beautiful, what're you doing over here all alone?" he asked you.

"I'm not interested," you say, trying to ignore him as he stood closer to you.

"It's New Year's, baby, everyone needs a New Year's kiss," he said, getting more and more uncomfortably close to you, no matter how much you tried stepping away.

Suddenly the man got yanked back away from you, "The lady said she's not interested, so fuck off," Ben said, pushing the man away.

The man walked away without a second thought.

"Wow, my hero," you said dryly.

"No need to thank me, doll," he grinned.

It was now 2 minutes til midnight, you and Ben were still standing by the wall as people watched the TV of the ball dropping in Times Square.

"I'm surprised you don't have some woman's throat you're ready to stick your tongue down," you said to him. In the back of your mind, you hoped it would be you.

"And leave you over here all mopey and alone?" he smirked.

"I'm fine on my own, I don't need you or anyone to keep me company," you lied. "Go find your New Year's kiss."

"I found it," he said looking at you.

10...9...8...7...

"What?" you said, as he reached his hands up cupping your face, "Ben..." you hesitate. You didn't stop him. Did you want this? Yes. Maybe? Too late now...Fuck he's so hot.

4...3...2...1...

He closed the gap between the both of you. His lips gently pressed against yours, you placed your hands on his chest as he held you close to him. Your lips moved together so in sync, you never wanted to let him go.

He pulled his lips away, leaning his forehead against yours. "Happy New Year, doll," he said.

You had a small smile on your face, "Happy New Year, Soldier Boy."

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

A/N: Well, that was...that. Side note, I fucking love Soldier Boy. Like, I know he's a misogynistic, egotistic, asshole, but like...yes please.

Taglist: @sl33pylilbunny

[princess-of-purple-prose]

[ID: A collection of tweets by bobby 🐀 #BENIGN DEVI… @/bobby_speeds that read:

"the System really convinced Shen Qingqiu that the Jade Guanyin token could be used to save his life later, so he held onto it despite wanting to return it, and then when the time finally came to use it, the System withheld it until it was too late to actually save his life

"I know I'm just theorising but like, it's SUCH bullshit that it had to "load" the item. That had literally never happened before, but it just soo conveniently meant that SQQ had no choice but to choose another "scenario pusher"

"It wasn't enough for SQQ to just pull out the token, calm Binghe down and let them talk about their feelings, which by ALL rights should have been what happened, if SQQ and Binghe had just been people in a real world instead of characters in a narrative

"but it just doesn't make for an interesting climax, so it couldn't be allowed to happen. the audience (the in-universe readers of the revised PIDW, but also, like, us) would have found it underwhelming, so who cares how badly it traumatised the people involved??

"The System is just so fucking horrifying when you look past the cutesy emoticons. It acts cheerful and silly all while threatening SQQ with death or punishment and will happily make anyone suffer in the interests of "the narrative"

"I won't ascribe malicious intent to the System. It's an unfeeling entity that exists for no other purpose than to create an interesting story without regard to its characters' lives, but that in itself is way more scary.

"people LOVE watching characters suffer. I love it!! I like happy endings but I NEED an interesting middle. reading it, analysing it, thinking about it. the maigu ridge scene is horrific, but I'm literally deriving entertainment from it right now!! I'm having fun writing this!!

"and I hate the system so much, but what would this story be without it?? can any of us honestly say we'd enjoy this story half as much if SY had woken up in PIDW and lived a peaceful life of spoiling his disciples with no abyss and none of the major conflicts that resulted?

"The System is just the most incredible villain. It's terrifying and uncomfortable but it's us!! it did those things for US!! for our enjoyment as readers!! and we ate it up. we loved it. WE did that to them.

"The Scum Villain’s Self-Saving System (Image of a Tumblr post that says: “Based on my obsession with the concept of The Narrative I think we should invent a new kind of tumblr/twitter discourse where we argue that it's inherently immoral to write fiction because its prevents characters from exercising free will” / “'girl help my characters are unionizing'”)" End ID]

[star2fishmeg]

do you have any luke recommends meg? I'm with nonnie I think most of my fav luke stories were by deactivated accounts 😢😢

Of course!! Firstly, shamelessly plugging myself lmfao and I have a rec list here that should have updated links now! You may have already seen these before but here's a few recent ones too!

≡ᴍᴇɢ's ʟᴜᴋᴇ ʜᴜɢʜᴇs ғɪᴄ ʀᴇᴄs ɪɪ

—sᴍᴜᴛ

♥ 25 of diamonds by @puck-luck ➥ Andy delivered with this. And I ate the blurb up once, twice, thrice and many more. Can't recommend her stuff enough but this one, this one did things to me that I can't explain. It was a req BUT it was defo personal and I still read it.

♥ finger sucking blurb by @wineauntie ➥ Hot hot hot hot, Luke's fingers + Ivy's writing is incredible. I frequently go back to this whenever I need a quick read while cooking or need to get an extra fix of delusion.

♥ thigh riding blurb by @wineauntie ➥ Yes, I know, always dropping Ivy in here somewhere but THESE BLURBS ARE SO GOOD! This one, oh, this one is just spectacular and just yes, wet. You need to check them out if you haven't.

♥ honky tonk flame by @bewaryofpity ➥ COWBOY LUKE! That's hot enough. This fic is just so smooth and charming, you get to the end and hope they meet again! I needed more. Just Luke in jeans and a pool table? Salivating.

♥ "i'm all yours" blurb by @jo-speaks ➥ Oh I do love a bit of sub Luke and this is so hot with y/n's lil spell of jealousy. Gave me literal butterflies, kicked my feet and giggled. Honestly, all these blurbs are so yummy so go check them all.

♥ home for the holidays by @puck-luck ➥I read this, like, twice a week? It's jam-packed and the concept is literally a pussy killer. No sex over xmas? Seems easy but NOOOOOOOOO not with Luke. The stakes makes it sooo juicy. It's shocking to believe but I do enjoy dom!Luke too.

—ғʟᴜғғ

♥ more hearts than mine - her family's Christmas by @withwritersblock ➥ When I tell you adorable, I mean it. I felt the stress on a personal level with this one and my God, the things I would do to live this. I really loved the sibling dynamic in this, it was real and how siblings actually behave towards each other. Devoured this.

♥ you are in love by @withwritersblock ➥ STOP THIS ONE IS SO CUTE! My tummy went all fuzzy when reading and it's just-oh God they're so in love it aches and y/n's friends are so funny with their reactions.

♥ his name by @cupidbedsy ➥ Tooth rotting fluff. Loser Luke having a crush and is so awkward and it's the cutest thing ever. I think about this fic often, and you should too. The pacing is so perfect and I just think the emphasis of his name on her back reassuring her support is beautiful.

♥ "i'll give you a ride, don't worry." blurb by @hischierslovergirl ➥ Um hello? Perfect execution? Yeah, this one may have been requested by me but the writing makes me kick my feet and giggle. The only way to describe the ending is with a chef's kiss.

♥ next step is love by @bewaryofpity ➥ Dropped TODAY and did not disappoint. It's so domestic and I always eat up the team banter. If you adore best-friends-who-aren't-really-best-friends then you'll love this one. A lot. Tooth rotting and so so cute, I'm speechless.

—ᴀɴɢsᴛ

♥ let it happen by @bratbarzal ➥ Maggie made me violent with this series. It's so raw and natural, devoured it from beginning to end. If you don't like being happy, this is the series for you. On a real note, it's so well written and there is never a dull moment with the drama and almosts.

[kurogane2512]

Was supposed to write this as a Christmas fic but here it is being a mix of Christmas and New Year~

Game: Path to Nowhere

Characters: Various x fem!reader (Chief) (includes Chameleon, Cabernet, Eirene, Langley, Garofano, Sumire, Chelsea, Lady Pearl, Vautour Bleu and Bai Yi; basically open relationship with all)

Type: Fluff and implied smut (long fic)

The end of the year was a busy time for you with lots of reports and documentation to complete, even more so considering the staff had taken holidays for the last week to spend time with their families and loved ones. Unfortunately, as the Chief of MBCC, you didn't have such plans. After all, you didn't have a home or family to go back to. Your days were always spent in the Bureau, whether it be working days or not. You didn't mind it, you liked the place and it was important to be there for the Sinners.

Some Sinners also took permissions for outing this week, most likely for similar reasons as the staff. But a considerable amount was still at the bureau and it was your duty to ensure they enjoy the holidays too. With that in mind, you had already planned everything with Nightingale's help to organise a Christmas party. On the morning of Christmas, the Sinners woke up to find lights and holiday decorations all around the bureau and personalized invitations at their doors. By evening, everyone started gathering in the recreational area wearing Christmas themed outfits and eagerly waiting for the party to begin.

"Did she really plan all this? I'm impressed~"

"She's always so hard working for us..."

"I can't wait to see what's in store!"

They mumbled amongst themselves as they waited. Then, all of a sudden, the door burst open and someone dressed in red and white with a beard and a red bag came hopping in cheering 'Merry Christmas' and throwing candies from the bag. It didn't take long for everyone to figure out it was none other than their beloved Chief dressed as Santa Claus. The children appeared most excited and huddled around you to take more candies, but more surprises awaited them.

"Follow me, everyone!" You announced and led them to the courtyard and their eyes widened at the marvelous sight in front.

A giant Christmas tree decorated with all sorts of ornaments stood in the center, and a huge bunch of gifts were placed under it. More lights and decorations adorned the area along with artificial snow falling down to give the effect of real Christmas as much as possible. You wanted all of them to feel happy even if they were away from their loved ones. You soon began distributing gifts from the bunch to each of them. It was a long and hard process to think of unique gifts for all, but you hoped everyone would like your choice.

"Ah, I wanted this for so long! Thank you, Chief!" Owo said excitedly.

"Chief, how did you know I wanted this....?" Garofano commented with a smile.

"My, this is unexpected but pleasant nonetheless~" Chameleon remarked while smirking.

Many more Sinners remarked on the gifts and thanked you. You were truly glad to see everyone liked what they received.

"Merry Christmas everyone! Please help yourselves to the feast and I hope all of you have a good time!" You spoke after the gift distribution, showing the unraveled buffet you specially arranged for. It was no lavish feast, but it was more than heartwarming for them to see you do so much. Many of them didn't really think much of Christmas and didn't plan to celebrate- like Chameleon, who had bare minimum interest in the festival. But even she could appreciate this gesture. Hours quickly passed as everyone enjoyed themselves to the night and the day was over before you knew it.

You went back to your office once everything was finished and sat on the couch with a sigh while removing the hefty Santa Claus clothes. You laid down on the couch for a moment to rest, your eyes fixated on the ceiling as you pondered over the day and felt happy everything went well. You then got up and decided to complete some more paperwork and your eyes fell on a small box kept on your table with the label- 'Merry Christmas, Chief. Thank you for your hard work'. There was no undersign but you could tell it was from Nightingale, she had also taken a leave from today until 31st. You smiled to yourself and securely kept the contents of the box in an appropriate place then sat on your desk to work.

Some time passed and in another corner of the bureau was the arrival of a most unexpected guest. The limousine stopped in front of the bureau and the leader of the 9th Agency stepped out, her cane tapping on the floor first. She looked at the building in front of her with a smirk then flicked her hat before beginning to walk inside. She glanced at the decorations in the courtyard as she walked, smiling internally at the preparations you did. She finally reached your office door and opened it to reveal your body perched upon the desk, meticulously working as always. Langley half expected you to rest now, but she knew well that wouldn't be the case.

"Ahem, hard at work, rookie?~"

Langley's sudden voice beamed in your ears, causing you to stand up.

"L-Langley! What brings you here at this hour?"

Langley smiled and closed the door behind her as she walked in then stood in front of you. She took a look around the office and seemed disappointed at how empty and normal it looked.

"Checking up on my rookie. I see you didn't take a break even during Christmas."

"Ah, I did for some time. You know, there was the party...."

"Hm, I see."

"Oh, that reminds me! It's good you came here right now, wait a minute."

You asked her to stay while you proceeded to look in your cabinet and soon took out a wrapped box then came back to her side.

"This is for you. Merry Christmas, boss~"

Langley looked at the beautifully wrapped box and was taken aback for a moment, though her expression remained fairly unchanged.

"What is this?"

"Your Christmas gift. I had thought to give it to you whenever we'd meet and it's good that you came right now. I hope you'll like it...."

Langley accepted the box and stared at it for a moment then kept it on the desk. Her lips curled up in a smirk and before you knew it, she pulled you closer by grabbing your chest harness and pressed her lips to yours. Your eyes widened at the surprising sensation, but Langley only went deeper as she stepped closer and pinned you against the edge of the desk. Her lips ravaged yours with fervor, rolling her tongue with yours in a passionate kiss. Her hands pinned yours to the side, holding you by your wrists as she came closer and made you lie flat on the table while her knee lodged between your thighs.

"Mmm.... L-Langley....!~"

You moaned into the kiss, fueling Langley's desire further. She bit your lower lip and continued kissing you deeply until she was satisfied. You were breathless by the time she pulled away, panting intensely while she gazed at you and caressed your lips with her thumb. She smirked as she stepped away to let you stand up and fix yourself while she fixed her own clothes too then picked up her cane.

"You have my thanks, rookie. Rest up now."

"R-Right, I will, boss...."

Langley chuckled and was about to walk out when something came in her mind.

"I do wonder, did your beloved Sinners thank you in return for all your effort? I don't see any kind of gifts around."

"Ah, they don't need to. I wanted them to enjoy which I guess they did, seeing them happy is a good enough gift for me."

Langley stared at you then nodded before turning around to walk away.

"Seriously, rookie...." she muttered under her breath before glancing one last look at you as she exited.

The day of the celebration passed and everything was back to normal. Most Sinners who went out returned while some took an extended outing until New Year's Eve. It was still a festive atmosphere but for you there was no end to the paperwork, you just hoped to complete it all before next year....

Unbeknownst to you, a secret gathering of some Sinners was being conducted in a secluded area of the bureau by courtesy of Nightingale. You'd generally have eyes and ears everywhere, but on request of the boss of the 9th Agency, Nightingale prepared a room where they could meet in solace. Nobody was aware of the agenda of this supposed meeting, many couldn't even understand why Langley wanted to meet this way.

"I gather these are all the people who are interested, Adjutant?" Langley asked Nightingale who firmly nodded.

"There would be more but I refrained from inviting too many. They will be sufficient for now."

"Understood, then let's begin right away. I won't waste much time, the agenda of this meeting is simple. Your beloved Chief organized such a marvelous Christmas party, yet she received nothing in return from any of you."

Langley's sharp words triggered many of them, some furrowing their brows as if feeling accused of doing something wrong.

"Hmm? If this is about gratitude, then I had extended an invitation to her for my private Christmas gathering and she refused it herself." Eirene was the first to speak. It was surprising she came to this meeting considering she wasn't in the party, but she was always interested in things like this if it involved you.

"Oh? What a coincidence, so did I. It's a shame truly, she would have had so much fun at my party~" Chelsea countered, making Eirene glare at her for a moment before letting out a chuckle.

"Surely your little....party would be incomparable to my annual celebration. It's renowned in Eastside and Quinn only offers the best services~"

Chelsea also glared at her before smirking, "That's precisely why my sugar baby would like my place better. It'd be more personal and....intimate, she could have anything she wants and I would ensure the best reception for her~"

Eirene was about to retort when a giggle was heard from the other corner.

"Reception, you say? Then the Francs have most experience here. Our parties are as large as Quinn's but frivolous formalities are left at the door. It's no wonder Chief declined you both to come to mine~"

Cabernet quipped, her words making everyone stare at her in shock.

"What?! I don't believe my sugar baby would discriminate this way!" Chelsea gasped.

"Um, if I may interject...." a soft voice interrupted the commotion and they all turned their gazes towards the source.

"....Chief was at the party yesterday the entire time. I can confirm since I was part of it." it was Garofano who spoke.

"If my word matters then I can confirm as well~" Chameleon added.

Chelsea let out a sigh of relief while Eirene cleared her throat and Cabernet was giggling to herself, enjoying riling them up.

"Just a moment, you say she was at the party the whole time? Did she not take the day off for her own personal matters?"

Another person spoke and this time it was Lady Pearl who had been silently listening so far.

"Yes, that appears to be the case. Adjutant Nightingale can explain better, perhaps?" Garofano replied.

Nightingale let out a sigh, "Chief lives here only; she has no home, family or associates of any kind. She put in lot of work for the party yesterday, planned it a long time ago and implemented it herself since I and most of the staff were also on leave yesterday."

Everyone went silent hearing the surprising truth. They all knew how much effort you spent to run the bureau but they weren't aware you had no personal life to speak of.

"Ah, finally I can continue? Thank you, Adjutant. Since everyone is up to date with the matter now, let me reiterate my point. I don't care what parties or gatherings you invited her to, in the end, she did not receive any gratitude in return. So, the stage is open for ideas. I don't care when it is and how it is as long as you all come to an answer she will like." Langley spoke.

The room was silent once again as everyone seemed to ponder then Chameleon spoke.

"Hmm, and why do you care so much about showing gratitude to her, Ms Langley?~"

Langley's brow twitched and she glared at Chameleon before someone added in.

"That's true. And who made you the boss here?! You weren't even at the party yourself!" Bai Yi was the one to speak this time while leisurely leaning against the wall.

"Would you like to take charge then, Ms Bai Yi?~" Langley replied with a fake smile.

"Ooh, now we are talking! Alright, listen up everyone! We are going to organize the best party for Chief!" Bai Yi announced with a cheer, but nobody cheered with her in agreement and she quiety stepped back.

Langley rolled her eyes at the annoying interferences, she was regretting to organize this meeting.

"A-Ahem, back to the topic. Would anyone like to suggest ideas? It doesn't have to be a party, our motive is to thank Chief for all she has done. I suggest we do something on the 31st and make it a New Year's present for her." Nightingale said.

"Good idea, Adjutant. I agree about making it a New Year's gift." Langley complimented.

"Well then, perhaps we should name the things she likes and choose according to that." Chameleon said.

Everyone nodded and started pondering what things you liked- be it hobbies, entertainment, food, music etc. However, after pondering for a good while, nobody could come up with concrete options. It's not that they didn't think of anything, but more like they didn't know what you liked personally.

"Uh, what does Chief even like? She seems to do anything and everything that catches her eye around the bureau...." Sumire broke the silence with her doubt.

"Hmm, I have seen her often talk with Pepper and Mentor about the plants here but it doesn't seem she grows any out of personal interest." Garofano added.

"She enjoys the plays the children perform, but always denies getting involved herself whenever I suggest her to take up the stage." Lady Pearl continued.

"She is a good food critc and always eats with me when I invite her, but in the end she enjoys simple meals most." Cabernet said.

"I suggested her to read some new books once and she read them all in a month then added them to the library, but I rarely see her pick out new books otherwise." Eirene added.

"Hmmm....something she enjoys.... Ah, all I can think about is the way her face contorts in pleasure when we—" Bai Yi spoke dreamily, until being stopped by everyone.

"Ahem, Ms Bai Yi, while I agree with you, now is not the time for that." Eirene scolded, making Bai Yi pout.

"Hmph, she certainly has a knack for getting kidnapped as well~" Langley teased, making everyone chuckle.

"She is also a terrible undercover agent if she easily fawns over her target next door~" Vautour Bleu commented.

Light chuckles resounded in the room as everyone tried to recall the things you like and enjoy, but nobody could settle on what to do for gratitude since everything they recounted only seemed to show your dedication towards them.

"I....suppose she's fond of taking care of us...." Sumire spoke in a melancholic tone.

"It's her job. Although, she does seem too focused on work all the time...." Garofano said in agreement.

"Hah, so you are saying we don't know anything she personally likes to do? Her hobbies or interests, anything?" Chelsea said in an annoyed tone.

"Adjutant, you must be knowing her better than us. Do you have any input?" Langley probed Nightingale who looked down with a dejected expression.

"No, I don't know any better either. If she's not assissting any of the Sinners then she's cooped up in her office buried in paperwork. I always try to ease her burdens so she could take a break but the work seems never ending...."

"Does she.... not have a life without us? What was she like before she became the Chief here?" Sumire asked.

Her question intrigued everyone, it was true they didn't know how you were outside of your job and before it. Langley sensed the growing curiosity and knew she had to divert the topic, disclosing such sensitive information about you would have dire consequences.

"That hardly matters, we are getting off-topic once again. If none of you can think anything then I suggest having a party and arranging personal gifts for her, it seems to be the safest option and she will get to have a break too."

Langley's proposal was fair but nobody responded immediately as they were still thinking to do something else.

"It is quite simple, I don't see what this fuss is about." Chamelon said all of a sudden, and everyone looked at her with confused faces.

"Care to explain, Chameleon?" Langley said.

"Hah.... If all we can think about is her dedication towards us then doesn't that mean we are the ones she loves most?~"

Eyes widened at Chameleon's statement as if a sudden switch was triggered in everyone's mind.

"But, isn't that—" Garofano said but was cut off.

"What's the harm in that? Don't tell me you all find yourselves to be of so little value for her?~" Chameleon said.

More silence followed Chameleon's words until Garofano spoke up with a smile.

"I adore the way she smiles when I make new clothes for her. She always tries them on so happily and thanks me, she looks so happy wearing them...."

Sumire was next to say, "She is my most treasured person. She participates in tea ceremonies and flower arrangements with me, she does it with diligence and looks forward to next time...."

Eirene added now, "She is my true partner. She never denies playing chess with me even though she always loses, and she always schedules a next match...."

"Her palate is much simpler than mine, she hardly knows most of the dishes I offer to her but she always tries everything and thanks me for introducing her to new flavors. Not to mention, she never fails to satisfy my hunger for her...." Cabernet said with a sigh.

Chameleon chuckled, "Since the day she agreed to be my toy, she has never failed to keep up with me. I look forward to the late night talks with her...."

Everyone eventually revealed their most cherished moments with you since they were the time they had seen you be the happiest around them.

"How romantic, seems a wedding ceremony may as well be the best gift for her~" Langley teased, "But, this has given me an idea now."

~*~

It was the last day of the year now. You didn't even realize how time passed so quickly and another year was coming to a close. You were thrust into this role 2 years ago with no memories or knowledge of yourself and the world, but here you were still thriving somehow. You had completed all major paperwork and were only left with minor issues which you planned to slowly complete throughout the day, today you wanted to feel relaxed. With a cup of coffee in your hand, you came to the cafeteria to grab a bite and noticed it was emptier than usual.

Most Sinners would generally be here at this hour for breakfast. You noticed how many of the older ones were absent, save for a few. You didn't pay much heed to this and headed back to your office with the coffee and sandwich in hand. More hours passed in the blink of an eye as you worked on your desk with unbroken resolve as you were determined to keep your evening free. You wanted to organize a New Year's party but had already used most budget for the Christmas party, still you planned to order some good food for everyone.

Strange enough, nobody came to your office the entire time for any matter, nor did any situation come up among the Sinners. It felt as if you were the only one in the building, if not for Nightingale's regular check-ins. You remembered some of them had taken outing permission for today as well, but the silence was still daunting. It was late evening when you finally completed your work and decided to head to your room to rest for a while.

As you approached the door, you noticed a piece of paper lying on the floor and crouched to pick it up. It was a simple card with the following words written- 'For Chief, come to us <3'

The wording made you think someone was playing a prank, but the familiar scent coming from the paper made you curious. You stood up and opened the door and were met with the sight of a red heart shaped balloon and a similar kind of paper attached to its string, which read- 'Thank you for always taking care of us'

You couldn't understand what was happening. You looked around and saw another similar balloon at the end of the lobby and swiftly walked up to it. As expected, another paper was attached to it which read- 'Thank you for your hard work'

This was followed by another balloon a few steps away with the paper reading- 'You are the light in my grim world'. This messaged seemed more personal, and you had some idea who it could be from but weren't fully sure.

The next card read- 'You are my most treasured gem.' Another personal card and this one seemed more obvious.

You blindly kept following the trail of balloons and were desperately searching for the next one which was slightly farther but not out of sight. You held the card which read- 'You are the most delicious delicacy in this world I will patiently wait for.' This could only be from a certain red-haired woman....

The next card in your hand read- 'Thank you for giving us, me, a place to call home'. Another ambiguous message, but something felt familiar about it.

You didn't realize when you reached the last balloon and were also standing in front of your own room now. You looked around in awe as you snapped out of your trance, wondering who did this but the hall was empty. The last balloon was attached to the door knob with a simple message pasted- 'We are waiting for you ;)'

You contemplated for a moment about what to do. Everything was quite suspicious and you had a few suspects in mind but weren't sure what the motive was here. You had an idea of what awaited you beyond this door. Would it really be the right choice to go in? You could simply ignore everything and walk away, but deep down you were eager to know the finish line of this chase.

You took a deep breath and turned the knob to open the door and were met with complete darkness. You stepped inside and the door automatically shut itself and you knew it was futile to try to go out. You remembered the framework of your room hence cautiously walked forward until you felt your foot step on something like a button and in an instant, bright lights covered your view followed by sounds of something popping and cheers of 'Surprise!'

As your eyes adjusted, you finally realized what was happening. There stood all of your Sinners- well, some of them- with a cake in front and party poppers on the floor. The room was decorated with simple ornaments that gave a positive and cheerful vibe, and the cake was labeled- 'Thank you'

"What.... what is all this?" those were the words that first left your mouth. The SInners in front had similar reactions, some smiled while a few chuckled at your dumbfounded expression.

"It is our gratitude for you, Chief. You did so much for us on Christmas, and every day before it, while we didn't give you anything in return. We wanted to show our appreciation for you as well." Sumire answered your question with the most sincere and honest reply.

"We are sorry we didn't give you anything in return on Christmas even though you did so much for us. Please forgive us and accept this as your belated Christmas present." Garofano continued and both of them pushed the table with the cake closer to you.

You were rendered speechless and motionless for a moment, not knowing how to respond. You looked at all the women gathered around who were smiling and waiting for you to cut the cake. You didn't know they had such thoughts and almost felt guilty for making them think you found them ungrateful.

"I... I-I don't know what to say. Um.... you all didn't have to do this. I don't feel any of you are ungrateful and I don't mind not receiving anything in return. I just wanted you all to feel happy on a festive day like that, the greatest gift for me is seeing you all being happy...."

The words barely came out of you as you stuttered out of embarrassment. All of them felt their hearts skip a beat hearing them, it was beyond their understanding how you could make them feel this way.

"Save your humility for later, Chief. It wouldn't hurt to receive thanks once in a while, would it?~" Chameleon spoke amidst the silence and walked up to you. She stood in front and lighted the candle on the cake then stepped back.

"Indeed. You deserve this, rookie~" Langley's voice beamed from your left.

You felt overwhelmed at the gesture and struggled to react for a while then took a deep breath and picked up the knife. You blew the candle and everyone clapped as you cut the cake. You didn't expect to receive anything like this, but you would be lying if you said the feeling wasn't good.

"Whose idea was it to do this, by the way?" you asked and everyone fell silent once again until Langley spoke.

"That doesn't matter. It was a group effort in the end. Now then, let's move to the gifts."

It seemed as if she dodged the question but you didn't probe further as you were more surprised hearing about gifts.

"Wait, gifts? There's more to this surprise?"

"Why, of course. No celebration is complete without gifts, is it?~" Chelsea spoke.

You waited for them to give their gifts but you couldn't see any kind of boxes or packets around them. All of a sudden, they stepped closer to you at once and soon stood in a circle around you. Their eyes glimmered with mischief, lips curled up in smirks as they gazed at you.

"S-So, what are the gifts....?"

"About that, Chief..... We thought long and hard about the things you like— any accessories, electronics, food— anything. But in the end, we couldn't figure out any materialistic option that you'd like." Eirene said in a humming tone.

"But then, the best option finally dawned on us after meticulous discussion. Care to take a guess?~" Chelsea added.

"Uhhh, I'm not sure...."

"Hehe~ Oh, you are so adorable, Chief~" Chameleon commented.

"We realized the best gift for you is.... us~" Cabernet revealed, making your eyes widen in surprise.

"I-I don't think I follow...." you nervously spoke, subconsciously averting your gaze from them.

"We know, Chief. You care for us most. And we care for you as well, you are the most important person in our lives. That's why, we want to give ourselves to you. Our mind, body and soul— everything is yours." Garofano explained and stepped closer to hold your hand.

You were rendered speechless once again. The turn of events was most unexpected. While you already had sexual relationships with all of them as a form of stress relief and fulfillment, you didn't think they wanted something so serious with you.

"Take us, Chief. There is nobody else who deserves us the way you do, we cannot think to devote ourselves to anyone other than you." Sumire added and stepped in to hold your other hand.

"I...." you tried to form words but none came out.

You could see their expressions turning sour at your continued silence and realized you were making them upset. But before you could finally respond, someone jumped in and kissed you. Surprised gasps resounded around you at the perpetrator- who was none other than Bai Yi.

"Aah, all of you were wasting so much time that I couldn't wait! Stop thinking so much about it and just take us, Chief~" Bai Yi said with a wink and kissed you again.

Perhaps the electrifying kiss is exactly what you needed to come back to your senses. Once she pulled away, you were finally brave enough to accept what was happening and respond accordingly.

"I.... I'm very grateful for this. Truly, you all didn't need to do it but I am very happy. Thank you, all of you. As for your gifts.... a-ahem, how should I open them....?" you said with a blush and they smirked at your question.

You then felt a pair of arms wrap around your neck and were soon pulled to the side by Sumire who hurriedly kissed you. Garofano chuckled at her colleague's impatient action, but she knew deep down she was equally impatient. As soon as Sumire let you go, Garofano pulled you to her side by your collar and kissed you next, pressing her lips deeply with yours.

"Ah, how unruly of you three to steal kisses from her before us~" Vautour said while stepping closer.

You realized all of them had stepped closer to you and were squeezing you in the center, your face turned red at their close proximity.

"S-So, what are we going to d— mmph!~"

Your words were blocked by Chelsea who kissed you next, swiftly moving in and closing the gap.

"Don't forget you are still my sugar baby~" she whispered against your lips.

"If that's the case...." Chameleon said and pulled you out of Chelsea's hold. Her hand cupped your face before she moved close to ghost your lips, "....You are also my toy, I'm not going to stop our little games~". She then kissed you, pressing herself against you.

You were already feeling overwhelmed and embarrassed by the continuous kisses, but you knew more awaited. Cabernet was next to pull you towards her. She embraced you as if swallowing you, wrapping herself around you sensually while kissing you.

"Mmm, your taste is always addicting.... Let me have more, darling~"

"That will have to wait. Come here, my partner~" Eirene beckoned you with her finger. You had merely taken a few steps towards her when she suddenly embraced you before kissing you passionately.

"Just to be clear, the Quinn is still not included in this relationship. You have more ways to go before you can inherit it beside me~"

Your mind plunged in a daze. You didn't even drink any alcohol but felt dizzy as things continued, perhaps it was the feeling of being lovestruck. As soon as Eirene released you, you were pulled away once again but pinned to the wall this time with your wrists held out to the sides. The action and touch of the person was familiar, and you were indeed correct when the person came in front of you to occupy all your senses with her deep, hypnotizing presence.

"V-Vautour...." you merely whispered her name, a small smile growing on her lips.

"A very interesting place you brought me to.... I'm willing to rest my wings here and make it my nest~"

Vautour Bleu husked then drew close to kiss you. Her kiss was gentler and slower than others, but conveyed the same kind of feelings. She stepped away before you even realized the sensation was gone. A hand grabbed your wrist and you were pulled again, this time into a dance position. Lady Pearl was your partner, her right hand resting on your shoulder while her left joined your right.

"You never fail to surprise me.... Oh, this reverie is enchanting and I wish to dance with you till the world goes up in flames~"

She came close to kiss you too, a simple yet frenzied kiss that showed her desire for you. Just when you thought it was over, you remebered someone important was left.

"Enjoying the attention, rookie?~" Langley spoke from behind. You were about to turn around to face her but she didn't let you as she embraced you from the back, her right hand cupping your jaw.

"....You were the one who planned this, right?"

Langley didn't reply and you couldn't see her expression either. She simply turned your face towards herself and leaned down to kiss you.

"Some truths are better left unsaid, rookie~"

As you stood in Langley's secure hold, rest of the Sinners grouped around you again and were gazing at you with hooded eyes.

"S-So, what now....?" you nervously asked them, feeling unsure of the thoughts swirling in your mind.

"You should unravel your gifts now~" Cabernet spoke while guiding your hand towards her breast. Intense blush occupied your face at the soft sensation of her breast in your palm, feelings of arousal rising in you.

Another person guided your other hand towards themselves, making you grasp a piece of clothing covering their chest.

"Remove it, Chief. Your gift is waiting~" Bai Yi probed while holding out the string of her bra that was a simple tug away from being undone.

"This is going to take too much time if we go one by one~" Chameleon mused, her eyes glinting with lust and you knew she was thinking something mischievous.

"Well.... who says we need to go one by one?~" Vautour added, "I'm sure our beloved Chief would prefer to have all gifts at once~"

The suggestion was surprising but nobody denied it; they were all too eager to be with you, after all.

In the next few moments, shuffling of clothes filled the room as you undressed them. You pulled Bai Yi's bra string first and freed her breasts then slipped down Cabernet's gown and exposed half of her body before moving to Chameleon to unzip her skirt. They continued removing rest of their clothes while you moved to Eirene to open her dress, followed by stripping down Vautour and Pearl. Garofano had removed most of her clothes and only left the gown hanging for you to slip off, same with Sumire who was waiting for you to slide off her kimono. Last was Langley who patiently waited for her turn by removing her hat and tie, gesturing you to unbutton her shirt.

You watched in a daze as the naked bodies of the women around you came in view for you to feast on. You couldn't take your eyes off of them and felt arousal pool between your thighs already. Fantasies of flushed skin flooded your mind and left you senseless. You were numbed to the possibilities which sinfully awaited you, your body craved them but you were lost before hungry wolves, uncertain where to start. Cabernet's scarlet hair swept over the curve of her ass, and Vautour's pristine waist narrowed neatly into round hips.

You hid your eyes from the provoking sight but delighted in the sight of Pearl's smiling lips and noting the fullness of Chameleon's perfect breasts. There was nowhere to run, you were surrounded by unblemished soft skin and seductive gazes- each one all too eager to devour you whole. In the midst of such a marvelous scenery, you stood alone like a lone traveller, still clad in your uniform. By the time all of them were undressed, they were already focused on you.

"A-Ah, I will undress myself—!" you stuttered and started unbuttoning your shirt as fast as possible, but the women were faster and already had their hands on you.

"Leave it to us, Chief~" Sumire purred.

You felt all of them pull from different sides, making you anxious that the fabric would rip apart.

"Don't worry, Chief. I'll fix them later~" Garofano reassured.

As if using that as a signal, they applied for force and the sound of ripping rung in your ear as they actually tore away your shirt. Some of the buttons flew off as it was pulled from both sides then tossed away in the void. You couldn't help but feel shy and cover yourself as they gazed at your naked form, even though all of them had seen you this way plenty of times before.

"Ahh, Chief.... how delectable you look.... I can barely hold myself back anymore~" Cabernet moaned while sliding her hand down your neck, feeling up your skin. You were then shoved on the bed which was certainly not big enough for all of them, but perhaps they didn't care of the space at all. More hands caressed your pants and before you knew it, they were pulled off making you completely bare now. Cabernet was first to climb up and straddle you, her tongue lolling out as waiting to devour you.

"Now, wait a minute. What gives you the right to go first, Franc?" Eirene scolded and climbed up as well, straddling you beside Cabernet.

"Hmm, I don't need anyone's permission. Chief can't wait to have me, isn't that right, Chief?~"

Cabernet licked her lips and traced her thumb over yours.

"I don't recall her saying anything of that sort. She's my partner first, it's only right for me to start." Eirene countered.

"What makes you both think I'll give my sugar baby so easily? She only deserves to have me first." Chelsea added while climbing up and sitting on Cabernet's other side. The three of them surrounded you from the front completely, leaving no space at all except the back.

"Tsk tsk, if the three of you are so busy bickering, I suppose I'll have my share first~" Bai Yi spoke and swiftly moved behind you, wrapping her arms around your neck and kissing your shoulder.

You heard the bed creak as someone else climbed up and it was none other than Chameleon crawling to sit behind you as well. Her fingers grazed your nape and she leaned to nibble your left ear, making you softly gasp in return.

"Hehe, nobody knows her body the way I do. It's only appropriate for me to start first~"

"That's not necessarily the case. We have spent lot of time exploring each other's bodies, haven't we, honey?~" Lady Pearl cooed and squeezed in as well. You were surrounded by all sides now and there was no more space, but you couldn't ignore the other women who were looking at you in anticipating and waiting for their turn.

"L-Let's go one by one. I don't care who is first, I don't want any of you to feel unsatisfied...." you suggested.

Their eyes hooded with lust at your words, an unrestrained urge to devour you growing in them.

"Oh, Chief.... you are always so kind.... How do you expect us to hold in our desires if you say things like that?~" Garofano said in a singsong tone, her face flushed red.

"Indeed.... you make it so hard to satiate my hunger...." Cabernet moaned and finally drove forward to kiss your neck. Her action prompted others to also move in and kiss you on different parts- Eirene and Chelsea kissed along your chest, Chameleon and Bai Yi planted kisses on your face and ears, Lady Pearl tilted your head back and captured your lips while Vautour Bleu and Langley kissed along your arms. Garofano and Sumire wasted no time to kiss down your thighs, even making some bite marks on your flesh.

The sensations were overwhelming as you drowned in kisses and nips. Each of them felt as passionate and needy as the other, a sign of their desperation to mark you as theirs. Small moans and gasps left you lips at the various touches; Cabernet was licking up your neck like a starved puppy, Eirene and Chelsea played with your breasts while kissing over them, Bai Yi and Chameleon bit down and sucked on your upper back, Lady Pearl covered your face with kisses before biting on your nape, Vautour was sensually licking and sucking your finger while Langley trailed kisses up and down your hand.

"A-Ah.... wait.... I can't...." you moaned in pleasure, recoiling from all sides but being held back by Bai Yi, Chameleon and Lady Pearl behind you.

"Chief... you are so sweet... mmh~" Cabernet whispered against your skin.

"Just give yourselves to us~" Chameleon husked in your ear.

As the barrage of kisses and bites continued on your body, you suddenly heard the sound of fireworks going off outside. Everyone stopped for a moment to gaze upon the sparkling sight until looking back at you.

"Happy New Year, Chief~"

They said in unison, and you finally realized the extent of their surprise. Entering the new year like this wasn't bad, you thought....

Throughout the night, only the sweetest of moans and whimpers echoed in your ears, and only the most beautiful faces teeming in pleasure occupied your sight.

[nothoughtsjustficrecs]

You're so cute and sweet omg

I'm really glad you didn't mind the suggestion, I was in half a mind about putting it because I didn't want to upset so I'm very happy you're not 💗

And yeah haha, I just made a new account @nothoughtsjustfic and this is my fic rec account!

I'm so touched to hear that you enjoyed the writing I put on whipped-for-kpop-fics, it means a lot to me 🥺

lunch

pairing: elementary school teachers lee seokmin x f.reader

genre: fluff, fluff and some more fluff. a tiny pinch of angst.

summary: as a veteran at sebong elementary school, you don't let any of your juniors get too close to you. the new science teacher, lee seokmin, doesn't seem to get the note, though.

word count: 9.6k words

rating: pg 13 

warnings: use of a few profanities, mention of alcohol and illegal gambling. reader is a bit cold in the beginning. slight age gap.

a/n: SO MUCH FLUFF my body hurts but it was so nice to just write good guy dokyeom after all that angst for wonwoo. i'm sorry to any hyungwon fans who may be reading this though T_T

would love to hear feedback!! reblogs and comments are so so much appreciated <3

this is part of the boys over flowers series featuring booseoksoon + chan! this is the first instalment in that series.

It was a day of much ruckus and excitement. The teachers and students were all waiting eagerly to meet the four new teachers who were joining Sebong Elementary School that day. Children with bright cherub faces peeped from their classroom windows, some crowded in the corridors, and teachers whispered loudly, as they all waited to see the four faces of the new teachers emerge from the Principal’s office. And when they finally did, a loud, collective gasp was heard rippling through every room and corner of Sebong Elementary School. And then the bubble broke, as loud whispers and giggling overtook every other noise, as the four men smiled at the kids and adults gathered through the school. They shone brighter than the tubelights on the ceiling-

“Okay, I think you’re exaggerating, Sohee. I’m sure they don’t have 1000 watt smiles.”

“Oh, Y/N, but they do! Even an ice queen like you is going to melt when you see them. They just exude warmth, kindness, and handsomeness. They look like idols, really!” 

“Now you’re definitely exaggerating. Park carefully, and don’t daydream please. I’ve been nervous from the moment I let you drive my car.”

“It’s a third-hand car. I should, in fact, smash it, so that you can buy something better. The government’s just moments away from declaring it as junk.”

“This is all I can afford, Sohee.”

“Car loans exist!”

“Bankruptcy exists!”

Sohee huffs, and you meticulously check the rear view mirror to ensure she parks neatly. Once done, (read, once Sohee has finished touching up her lipstick and her mascara, and put a few cute hairclips in her long brown hair, cute by her metrics), you both step out of the car. The heat has become harsher, and you’re a little taken aback by the sting of sunlight on your skin. But it feels good to be out again after that stupid bout of fever which had kept you away from school, and consequently, your life. 

You meet several students getting out from the bus in front of the school, some smiling and already chattering with their friends, others shyly holding on to the fingers of their parents. Some of them wave hi to you, others loudly squeal their welcome backs. Your morning grumpiness is slowly wearing away, and you can feel energy bubbling in. It’s barely been the start of the year, and the little ones are very, very gradually warming up to the idea of being away from home for longer than three hours. It’s a trying time for their teachers, and you’re grateful that you don’t teach the youngest class. 

On the short walk from the parking area to the school, and it’s such a miracle that Sohee doesn’t start talking about the four new teachers, because you’re frankly tired of hearing about them. It feels like they don’t exist, and even if they do, they’re going to be massive letdowns compared to Sohee’s descriptions. Sohee does have the habit of hyperbole. 

But you fall headfirst into it as you slide open the door to the staffroom. Everyone stands up and greets you, as you’re one of the earliest members of the staff. You’d like to think that their greetings are out of affection, and not just respect, but you don’t mind. Majority of the staff is quite young, and people look up to you as the sunbae, and it’s a position of respect you crave and enjoy. It’s not like you’re great at showing how you love them either. You can just hope that they get to know about it from time to time, and don’t hate you for not being too affectionate.

As everyone stands up, you bow to the general crowd, and greet them back, but you’re also welcomed by four unknown faces. 

Oh. They must be the new teachers. 

Well, Sohee wasn’t really wrong-

Sohee immediately sparks up and begins talking about how you had really high fever, and every evening she found you lying inside your bed, covered in blankets like a burrito, messy in snot and sweat-

“Okay, that’s enough. Sohee, please spare them the details of my ugly illness.” You’re embarrassed and quite red all over, and out of the corner of your eye, you’re watching the reactions of the four new men. Sure, you may not care much about what other people think, but it’s your first impression after all. Everyone is quite vehemently cooing at you now, and the four men have confused, but concerned expressions on their faces. 

Minseo comes to the rescue, when she diverts the topic to introduce the new faces to you, and you’re grateful for the first time to hear about these new teachers. 

“This is our sunbae, Y/L/N Y/N! She’s one of the first teachers at Sebong Elementary School.” “Aaah, Minseo-yah! You make it sound like she’s old!” Sohee scolds, but you don’t mind. You sure feel old after the way that fever broke your immunity like a twig.

“Aah, sorry. And Y/N Unnie, these are our new joinees this year!” She gestures towards the men, and they bow. You bow in return, and take a full look at them, smiling back at them. 

“Hello! I’m Lee Chan, I’m a ‘99 liner! I’ll work hard and show my best side to you, sunbae!” “Good morning! I’m Boo Seungkwan. Nice to meet you!” “Oh, sunbae, hello! I’m Kwon Soonyoung, I’m also glad to meet you Y/N-ssi!” “And I’m Lee Seokmin! I’ll work hard, please take good care of me, sunbae!” They shake your hands like dominos, and your eyes linger a second too long on the last one, the tall one with the brightest smile. 1000 watt seems about right? “I’m happy to meet you too! Let’s work hard for a long time!” You smile back, and there’s a collective Fighting! through the room, before the school bell rings, and the cacophony of kids entering their classrooms breaks the silence of the school building. 

_

It’s lunchtime, and you’ve already forgotten their names. Sohee insists that you sit with them at the same table for lunch, but you’re not hungry enough to take lunch. It’s been a tiring day, and you just want to sip your iced americano and finish the pending work on your desk in the staffroom. Missing a week of school is as burdensome for teachers as it is for students. There are piles of things left to be done, and you assign yourself the task of finishing filling in the register with the names of the students for that lunch break. The staffroom is empty, and you’re happy to work in peace. 

You’re so focused on your work that you don’t even notice when a tall man walks into the staffroom sometime in the middle of the lunch break, peeps at you from his desk at the other corner of the room, and then leaves. 

_

It’s finally Friday, and that’s how you’ve spent the last four lunch breaks. You’re finally getting through the pile of work at a steady pace. On top of it all, the Principal has promoted you to the Head Teacher of Science Department, as the previous head’s tenure is over, and that means all the science teachers have to approve their lesson plans for this term through you and you’re also in charge of allotting field trips for scientific experiments. 

That’s why Lee Seokmin ambushes you when you’re about to leave at the end of the school day. “Sunbae, I was wondering if you could perhaps look at my lesson plan once? Maybe you could go over it during the weekend?”

You halt your actions of packing your bag, and carefully take the folder from the outstretched hand of the tall man towering over your desk. “Umm, I could look through it now.”

“No, I mean! I’m sorry I didn’t know how to approach you earlier, Sunbae. I’m sorry, I don’t want to keep you from heading home, I’m really sorry-”

“Please stop apologising, Seokmin-ssi. It’s not a big deal. It’s better for me to go through it now in your presence, rather than take it home. I’ll be able to discuss it more smoothly with you then, in case any changes are needed.” 

His puppy brown eyes become tiny slits as he smiles wide. You realise that his hair is draping over his forehead in black curls, and the white shirt he’s wearing reveals the column of his neck very elegantly. He does look good enough to be an idol, you think. 

“Seokmin-ssi, come take a seat here. I won’t bite, in spite of what you may have heard-”

“Oh no! The kids are all praise for you. I’m so thankful to be succeeding you in the classes, because you’ve set such a strong foundation for the students. You’ve made my job a cakewalk, truly.”

“I’m just thankful that you deal with the younger ones now. I enjoy teaching them, but sometimes they can…” You smile lopsidedly, and Seokmin grins. “I’ve heard that I have a lot of patience, sunbae…” “And you have a lot of fighting spirit that we tend to have when we’ve just joined the school. You’ll manage.”

And then the conversation halts. It flows in bits and pieces, as you flip through his lesson plan and discuss changes with him, speaking from experience of having taught these same classes six years more than him. His lesson plan book is very colourful, filled with stickers from cartoons, and brightly drawn smiley flowers. Something in you makes you think that maybe he’s not just doing this as a show for the kids, but also because he likes to do it. He’s very animated in every statement he makes, hand gestures all over his face, but he quietens down when he realises you’re no longer looking at his face, and would rather just get through the work quickly. You’re not annoyed at him, no. It’s just a little overwhelming to see all this energy being thrown at you, and it makes you tired, wondering how to reciprocate it. So you just silently finish your task, and bid him goodbye. He offers to drop you home, but then you say you have your own car, so he gives you another smile and with a natural ease, hops on to his electric bicycle and rides off into the road. 

_

Seokmin-ssi, you realise, doesn’t want reciprocation. He greets you cheerfully every morning, whenever you see him in the campus, whenever you’re making eye contact before leaving for the day, and whenever you both arrive at the same time at school. He doesn’t just say hello, but he also asks if you had a good weekend, if you had a good sleep, if you ate breakfast, if you’ve recovered fully from your cold, if you’re taking your vitamins. It makes you more uncomfortable than before, confusing you whether he’s just buttering you up as a sunbae or whether he’s genuinely this nice. It’s also a little worrying because it makes you feel like he’s trying too hard to be close and you don’t want to be a bother for him, so you hope he takes the hint. But he obviously doesn’t, because the next time you walk into the staffroom determined not to leave your desk, and instead enjoy the peaceful solitude of the staffroom to recharge your battery, you notice a very neat lunch tray sitting on your desk with a note attached on top, “Sunbae, please don’t skip your meals!” It takes you aback, and you stare at it for a good four minutes. Finally you realise you’re too flustered to eat it, and you just keep it aside and get back at your work. 

When Seokmin comes back from his lunch break, he makes the mistake of looking at your desk to see if you’ve eaten, and there. He makes eye contact with your razor sharp eyes looking at him from above your reading glasses. He walks up to your desk and says, “You didn’t eat, sunbae?”

“What do you think you’re doing?”

“I- I- just wanted to-”

“Firstly, Seokmin-ssi, I’m not skipping meals. Secondly, I don’t know if this is normal for you, but I’d appreciate it if we could be harmonious as colleagues. I don’t need you to be my mother for me and feed me. I’m an adult and I know when to eat.”

You can see him gulp and fumble, and for a second, you think you’ve been too harsh. You almost backtrack and apologise, scared that the little light in his eyes is going to go out, but he speaks faster, “I just don’t want you to fall sick again, sunbae. I’m sorry if I was too presumptuous. I’ll do better from now on.” And without another second, he turns and walks out of the room, leaving you speechless. The light in his eyes may not have gone out, but you sure were too mean. Afterall, he was just being nice to you, wasn’t he?”

_

So, the next week, when you’re finally on track and completed all your pending work, you walk into the cafeteria looking to take a lunch break. And you spot Seokmin sitting with Chan on one table on the teacher’s side of the cafeteria. Chan is a sweet boy, and you want to make amends with Seokmin, so you carefully walk across the room to their table and ask, “Can I have lunch with you?” You ask them both, and Chan instantly begins to clear space for you to sit down, but you’re distracted by how wide Seokmin smiles, and you know the ice has melted. He’s forgiven you, so you gently sit down next to him.

It’s a mistake. You hadn’t accounted for how broad he is, and how much he moves his body while speaking. His thighs inch closer to yours with every movement, although very much unconsciously. Even though you’re both sitting, he’s still taller than you, and it makes you shy.

You’re thankful when Soonyoung joins you across the table and you can distract yourself by speaking to him. “Sunbae, it’s so nice to see you in the cafeteria! We rarely ever see you outside the staffroom.” You smile as wide as you can, your mouth full of food. Chan joins in, “Yes, sunbae! Seokmin hyung’s been so-” “We’ve all been worried,” Seokmin interjects, and you’re hit by a pang of guilt. It is pretty natural for coworkers to care about each other. Especially since you’re their senior and they must be looking to make a good impression. 

“I’ve been a little busy with all pending work. The start of the year can be stressful for us senior teachers.”

“I hear Seungkwan hyung is being put in charge of the after-school creche duty?”

“You’ve heard right, Chan. He did apply for it, and given his congenial personality, I think he’d do well if he joined the creche roster.”

“A roster? That means he won’t have duty every day?” Soonyoung asks you.

“Yes, there will be two teachers alternating from Monday to Friday.”

“Oh! Someone lucky gets two days only!”

“We try to ensure even distribution through the month,” you say. “Plus, of course, there can be others volunteering from time to time. So for example, next month, there’s a storytelling week at the creche. Sohee and I will be volunteering for that week as storytellers- that way, the ones responsible for the creche can have a week’s leave from the extra duty.”

Soonyoung and Chan nod in understanding, but you’ve noticed Seokmin is extra quiet, uncharacteristically even. “Do you enjoy the cafeteria food, Seokmin-ssi?” you ask him, speaking softer so that Chan and Soonyoung can’t hear you. It must surprise him, because he looks up at you with wide, boba eyes, and he looks more like a puppy than ever. “I do! The variety is good.” “I’m glad. The caterers recently got changed. The previous ones were seriously falling behind on quality.” Seokmin smiles and eats a big bite of rice and soup, and you chuckle at the comical way his mouth fills up. 

_

You didn’t even think Seokmin would remember. In fact, you’d forgotten that you’d mentioned it yourself. 

But he does. He doesn’t just remember, but he also brings a bag full of old picture books.

You swear your heart stops the moment he enters the hall where the after-school creche is organized and hands you the bag. “These were books my mother had kept for ages even after I’d finished reading them a million times. Thought I’d use them somehow, instead of just letting them gather dust on shelves,” he says as he smiles that pretty, wide smile again. It’s been long enough into the new semester now for you to get used to both Seokmin’s smiles, so you can bask in it. The children bask in it too. Most of the tiny members of the creche know him from the class where he’s teaching about animals, and they squeal in excitement. “Aah, Seokmin-ah, you really didn’t have to. You could’ve gone home and rested for the weekend.” His smile drops, and you mentally slap yourself. You really should take care of your words better, so you rephrase it, “What I meant is… you don’t have to do this out of your way.” “I’m not… going out of my way. I just thought I’d come and watch you, sunbae. I want to learn how to handle little children even better.” 

So he sits in a corner of the hall, Byul and Jiwon sitting on his lap, while his eyes are fixed on you. You’ve taken the storytelling class two days this week, and this is your third day, so you really shouldn’t be so slippery, but something about how he’s looking at you so intently is making you stumble and fall over your words, and your pronunciation often comes out as jumbled as the three year olds sitting in front of you. You’re made even more aware of Seokmin’s presence when snack time arrives, and the kids are too distracted with the picture books to pay attention to their food and eat. Thankfully, Seokmin uses his charm and somehow gathers everyone to sit in a circle around the table. The children have incessant questions, some about the characters they met in the story, and some random questions too, like Are you married, Teacher Seokmin? It doesn’t matter that you pause in your movements to hear his response, a wide-eyed Minhyun looking confusedly at you, wondering why your hand holding his candy is stuck mid-air. It also doesn’t matter that your heart paces up when you see Seokmin glance in your direction before loudly proclaiming that he’s not married. 

The parents arrive soon after that, and then there’s only a crying Byul left, who’s wrapped in Seokmin’s arms as you three wait for her father to arrive. You wonder for a second, how did you ever handle kids, because when you see how Seokmin handles them, you think you’ve done it all wrong for years. He holds her two tiny hands in his own, places her in between his legs and quietly brushes her hair while whispering more imaginary stories about the elephant Byul saw earlier in the picture book. You feel unwanted in this perfect scene, Byul going perfectly silent as she listens to Seokmin talk. But then, honestly, who wouldn’t be in rapture of this beautiful young man?

Byul’s father arrives twenty minutes later, and Byul gives Seokmin a little peck on his cheek before she leaves his arms and goes off with her dad. 

“Sunbae, thank you for letting me be here! I had so much fun, and I also learnt so much from you.” You laugh, “I doubt, though. You’re such a natural with children.” He smiles, “That’s just because I have a lot of cousins. But it’s different handling kids at school. I always have to be extra-careful with them because I’m a complete stranger and not a relative.” “You’re right, and that shows in your care too, Seokmin-ah.” He blushes, and you smile as you lock up the hall and finally make your way to leave the campus. Your back hurts from sitting on the floor for so long and you’re surely glad to go home.

“Sunbae, did you bring your car?”

“Aah, no. Today was Sohee’s carpooling turn, she left early. I’ll just take the bus.”

“Let me drop you home, sunbae! It’s late already.”

You pause, and turn to look at him. His hopeful face, still radiant after the long day. And you feel that same overwhelming feeling take over you. Till now, Seokmin has only given and given, never expecting anything in return. He’s extended a helping hand without you asking for it, he’s reminded you for meals even when you’ve ignored him, he’s been nothing but kind to you. And if he’s doing this even after three whole months of him joining the school, then it can’t be just buttering tactics. 

“I don’t want to get you late, Seokmin-ah.”

“I won’t, sunbae. It’s not a worry, honestly.” He bites his lower lip, his eyebrows furrowed as he asks you again, “Please let me drop you, sunbae.”

It’s been years since a man has been this kind to you. Kind enough without coming off as a creep. A part of you is wary, but something in Seokmin’s eyes makes you feel guilty for ever mistrusting his intentions. 

“Alright, Seokmin-ah. Noona owes you one.” 

You can see the stutter in his eyes even before you hear it in his voice. 

“N-noona? Oh. Noona! I’ll drive you safely!”

And he does. Diligent, puppy-like, kind Seokmin drives you home quickly and safely. For the first time in years, you sleep with a smile on your face.

_

You enter the Principal’s office to find a very nervous-looking Seokmin standing next to the Principal. “Good Morning, Mr. Han. Is something wrong?” “Yes, good morning Y/N. I’ve just received a complaint from a parent, and as the head of science teachers, I’d like you to look into it once.” “Of course.”

Then you turn towards Seokmin, who is standing very upright, but you can see him nervously twitching his feet. “Seokmin-ssi, is the parent here in school, or have you received a written complaint?” Seokmin’s voice is barely audible the first time he speaks, so you take a couple of steps to be closer to him. “Don’t be so nervous. Please tell me everything so that I can help resolve this.” He looks at you, his eyes still wide, and the tension obvious in his face. But he takes a deep breath and says, “They’re here, in my science classroom.” “And can you tell me the gist of the matter?” “I… I… I had asked her daughter to not draw with crayons on the walls of the science classroom. And one time… I’d asked her daughter to bring more nutritious food to class instead of chips every single day.” He says softly, his eyes focused on the blue linoleum tiles on the floor. You take a deep breath. As you’ve grown more senior, you’ve eventually detached yourself from the classes of the youngest students, those below four years of age. So naturally, you’d not gotten into messes like this for a long time. But with your experience, you know just how to deal with such cases. 

So you excuse yourself from the office and walk down to Seokmin’s homeroom, gesturing him to enter as you both walk into the classroom. It is deserted, except for a very grim-looking gigantic woman standing next to a tiny girl with even tinier braids. “Good morning. I’m Y/L/N Y/N, Head of the Science Department.” “Yes, well, I’m hoping you’d be more competent about it all rather than Mr. Lee here.” 

You forcefully smile tightly and ask, “Please let me know the details of the matter.” “Where do I begin! Mr. Lee has been… very dictatorial with my daughter. First he forbids her from colouring, and then he forces her to starve herself! It’s absolutely ridiculous that a teacher can do such things!” Out of the corner of your eye, you see Seokmin shrink further away into the corner, his eyes wide. 

“Based on how well I know Mr. Lee, I can’t imagine him forcing a child to starve themselves. Correct me if I’m wrong, but did he ask her to bring a different set of food for lunch, rather than chips?” “Yes, but-” “And that was purely based on nutritional concerns, Ma’am. As teachers at Sebong Elementary School, we want to ensure our students receive proper nutrition at their growing age. And I can assure you that chips are not the most nutritious food your daughter can eat every day.” “I’m a working mother-” “I’m sure you can buy a fruit or toast a single slice of bread along with a slice of cheese along with the chips, if you’re so busy.” 

 The woman in front of you stands speechless for a second, before continuing in her boisterous tone, “But who are you to dictate what I feed my child?” “Nobody, truly. But Mr. Lee is a kindhearted man, who cares for every child in this school, and even his colleagues and peers like me. As a teacher, he has the best interest of his students in mind, you see.” “Certainly can’t be more than that of her mother.” “Of course, which is why I’d advise you too, as would any other paediatrician, that only chips is not the diet a four-year old child should be exposed to on a daily basis.” 

The woman takes a step back. Her grip on her daughter’s fingers loosen, and the child takes a step forward. “Miss, I really like the grapes Mr. Lee gave me the other day! That’s why I’ve stopped eating Eomma’s lunch!” She smiles at you, and you bend down on your knee to meet her at eye level. “Is that so? But darling, you should always eat what your mummy’s giving you. Good girls don’t skip meals, understood?” She nods her little head very seriously, so you pat her once on her head. Then you stand up again and look at her mother. “I see your daughter does enjoy eating grapes. Perhaps you could buy her some fruits for lunch.”

She tilts her head a little bit, looking fully like a kid who’s been punished for being too outspoken, and honestly you’re glad to have made that effect. Some people can be so entitled and so rude, and it leaves such a harsh impression on softer teachers like Seokmin. Which is exactly what you see when the parent does leave with her child a few minutes later, as the man, who hasn’t spoken a single word since entering the room, comes up to you gingerly. 

“Noona, thank you so much. I was so- so scared.” You smile at him as warmly as you can, “Please don’t be. It wasn’t your fault at all that some parents can misunderstand even the best intentions of teachers. It’s pretty common- as time goes on, people will just find more flaws, whether it be in your teaching skills or your child-handling skills. You just need to be less nervous when things like this happen. If you ever need help in these things, of course I’m always here… as are your other seniors. But it’s best if you learn to handle these things without taking them too much to your heart, unless you see there is genuine room for improvement for you.” He nods throughout, and his eyes have become round like a puppy’s eyes again. “I will introspect, Noona.” He laughs a bit, “This honestly isn’t the first time someone’s misunderstanding my intentions. But I will try harder to be more clear and not … not be presumptuous,” he says, looking deep into your eyes, before he bows and leaves the room.

As you stand there in the classroom, alone you realise that the situation oddly reminds you of a similar conversation you had with him at the beginning of the semester. When you’d asked him to keep his distance and not interfere … all while, he was just trying to be kind. Oh god. You’d been just as rude as the parent had been today, hadn’t you? Oh dear god. No wonder he’d looked so downcast and rejected after that.

_

Sohee’s thousand-day anniversary at the school is coming up so Minseo’s put on a surprise party at her house. It’s not a surprise to just Sohee, but also to you. “Oh, why didn’t you let me know earlier, Minseo-yah?” “We would, but you’ve just been so busy with the end of term reports and grades that we didn’t want to bother you.” “Well, that’s not something only I’m doing. I’m sure you all were busy too.” “But none of us are head of departments, you know?” She giggles, and you know it’s not a jibe. But it still feels bad to not be able to contribute when everyone is contributing in some way or the other. 

So you order a six-pound blueberry cheesecake for the party, knowing blueberry to be Sohee’s favourite flavour. And, as expected, it’s a party hit. It turns out to be the favourite flavour of a lot of people, even Seokmin, who helps himself to three slices, and you’re just glad to see them all enjoying it. There’s drinks, pizza and music playing in the background. And although the teacher community at Sebong Elementary School is not too big, you’re a lot of twenty-six people, and you’re thankful that Minseo comes from a rich family that has a big house. And yet, it feels cosy and familiar. You barely attend parties or social gatherings,  and unless it’s family occasions, having been out of the dating scene for years. But this type of party seems fun to you- perhaps it’s you growing old, perhaps it’s you no longer finding staying up late exciting, perhaps it’s you realising that getting wasted is not as interesting as you used to think it was in college. So you settle for being the woman who’s dressed in a sweater although it’s barely autumn, already mentally classified as a spinster for almost everyone you meet, thirty and with no life outside of work, and you’re happy. You’re happy right now, sipping a cocktail and eating the fried chicken Minseo’s airfrying and constantly supplying to the party, celebrating your closest friend, Sohee. You know that although Sohee’s a couple of months younger than you, and definitely has a more active love life, she’s just like you at heart, and she’s the sister you’ve never had. As she gets drunk (you can tell it’s the first time in a long time by the way she’s getting tipsy even faster than she usually does), she leans over to smooch you loudly on the cheek, and you laugh and give in to her. It creates a loud wave of cheers across the room, but it’s such a warm moment. She clinks her glass with yours and rests her head on your shoulder, while raising a toast to the teachers at Sebong Elementary School. There’s another round of cheers, and then your phone reminds you it’s ten pm, and you should be heading home because it’s a school day tomorrow. The buzz feels good, and you want to stay longer, but you’re not drunk enough to forget your responsibilities. And so the party gradually disperses. You hug Minseo and thank her for organising the wonderful party, and somehow Sohee manages to stand up on her feet steadily. Seungkwan takes the duty to drop Sohee home as he lives near her house, and before you can say anything, Seokmin takes on the responsibility of dropping you home. 

“I don’t want to impose-” “But I insist, Y/N Noona.” “Why do you always insist, Seokmin? I feel like I’m a burdensome sunbae, not a nice sunbae.” You try not to pout when he leads you to where his car is parked and opens the door for you. He giggles, his face red with the dopamine (and drinks) from the party. “You’re just fishing for compliments, Noona. You know I never think of taking care of you as a burden.” 

Perhaps drinking that third cocktail was a mistake. 

But you did drink it, so you lean over the centre console of the car and say, with a soft giggle, “If you say things like that, Seokmin-ah, people are going to misunderstand and think you like like me.”

“But I do like like you, Noona.” 

You almost miss his words while waving goodbye to the other teachers standing on the pavement in front of Minseo’s house, waiting for their rides. 

Almost. 

“What?” You spin your head so fast it gives you whiplash, and you feel like you’re instantly sober, the way you become alert instantly. Seokmin’s looking at the road as he drives into the main road, his eyes bright by reflecting the street lights. “I do, Noona.”

“No- no, you can’t. Are you serious, Seokmin-ah? Because if you are, you can’t.” 

“Why?” 

There’s a red light, and he’s looking at you, the street lights shining on his face and the gentle handsomeness of his features are glowing in their full glory. This isn’t the first time you’ve found him awe-strikingly beautiful, but right now, he looks positively angelic. His eyelashes form delicate shadows on his cheeks, and the way his hair gets swayed by the wind coming in from the open car windows makes him seem even prettier. 

“Because… you’re so… young. And fresh, and beautiful. And I’m thirty, I spend my days working and my nights reading romantic classics, and I’m so boring a-and you deserve better.”

His mouth twists bitterly, and he says, “But none of that is true, Noona.”

“It is, Seokmin-ah. You barely know me.”

“But I want to. I’m just asking for a chance.”

You stay silent for a long time. In the sparse traffic of the night, you’re reach your house quicker than you’d thought. 

“I don’t want you to make a mistake, Seokmin-ah. I shouldn’t be someone you like more than simply as a sunbae.”

He pauses, then replies, “If you don’t want to give me a chance, that’s okay Noona. I can make peace with it. But you can’t ask me to stop liking you, Noona. My feelings are mine.” 

You don’t say anything on the rest of the journey. You don’t have anything else to say. You can’t even be harsh to him because what he’s saying is logical. You cannot take away his right to like you, even if you don’t think it’s the right choice for him. You’re an adult, he’s an adult, you both have your own opinions and choices. 

It’s only when the car does reach your house that you attempt to say something. 

“I feel sorry for making you come all the way to my house to drop me. Do you want to come in to eat something? I had some dakgalbi made for tonight’s dinner before I got to know about the party.”

He looks at you for a long time. You can see the wheels turn in his head, before he says, “Okay.” 

_

Your flat is on the third floor, so you’re patiently climbing the stairs. Seokmin makes light conversation, breaking the ice, and you actively try to respond. You don’t want him to feel dejected, but you also don’t want to feel like you’re taking him to your house because you pity him after you outright rejected him. 

Your efforts go to waste when you see a figure sitting on the floor in front of the door to your apartment. 

“Hyungwon?” 

Seokmin pauses behind you, as you stand stunned on the last staircase before the landing, and the man you addressed looks up at the two of you. Even in the dim light of the single bulb lighting up the stairwell, you can see that he’s very wasted. “Y/N-ah! I- I’ve been waiting for you.”

“What are you doing here?”

“Oh, you haven’t changed, have you? Straight to the point. No hellos, no-”

“Yes, Hyungwon. What are you doing here?”

He sighs as he stands up. “I missed you.” 

Your head starts to spin. It’s like you’ve been transported back to 2022, when Hyungwon had confessed to you that he’d gambled away all your money, and that he’d been doing so for the last seven months, and that was where he was spending all his evenings at instead of the evening college you’d enrolled him into and whose fees you thought you’d been paying.

Your head spins again, and you’re stumbling back until someone catches you midway before you tumble down the stairs. 

“Noona!” that someone whispers in alarm in your ear, and you realise it’s Seokmin. 

Fuck. 

Fuck, fuck, fuck, not Seokmin. 

Why does Seokmin, out of all people, have to see this?

“Seokmin-ah, leave-”

“Ooh, who’s that?” Hyungwon takes a step closer, and takes a drink out of a soju bottle he’s holding in his left hand. “Boyfriend? You’re still into pretty boys, aren’t you?”

Seokmin pulls you closer to him, your back nearly touching his chest. “Who are you?”

“I’m Hyungwon, Y/N’s first love. You better get out of here, kid.”

“What do you want, Hyungwon? Don’t bullshit with me about missing me. No apology, no regrets, and now you’re suddenly at my doorstep?” You carefully break away from Seokmin’s gentle clasp, and walk towards your ex-boyfriend. “You want my money again.” The lanky man in front of you grins, that fucking lazy, pretty grin you’d fallen so hard for in college. 

“Y/N, where’s the love gone, jagi? Why are we talking about money?”

“Fuck off, Hyungwon. The love was gone long before I even broke up with you.”

He lifts his free hand and tries to reach out to you. “Jagiya-”

“I’m not your jagiya! Hyungwon, I’m not giving you anymore money, so you should just leave! And stop coming to me every time you want money, for god’s sake! We’re done, Hyungwon.” 

The man in front of you falls to his knees, “Please, I’m begging you, Y/N-ah! I’ll get into serious trouble if I don’t repay this debt by the end of this month! Y/N, for the sake of old times-”

“Hyungwon, please don’t! I’m not giving you any of my money, no matter how much you beg.”

His hand wraps around your leg, “Y/N-ah, please, just hear me out once! I am sorry for everything I did, and I’m so willing to amend my ways-”

“Please leave, Hyungwon-ssi, you’re making Noona uncomfortable.” Seokmin suddenly says from behind you, and you walk backward down the stairs until you’re again close enough to him that you can feel his body heat on your back. It makes you feel oddly safe.

“Who are you to say anything about Y/N, huh? You don’t even know her for long, I bet! Y/N and I dated for seven years!”

“It doesn’t matter how long I’ve known her, Hyungwon-ssi. What matters is that right now, she feels safe with me, and not around you. So please leave, Hyungwon-ssi.” You don’t even realise when his hands have come to wrap gently around you, not quite touching your body, but caging you away from the man who’s looking at you both with frantic and desperate eyes. You don’t know he knows that you’re feeling safe around him, but you’re so grateful. “If you don’t leave now, I’ll have to call the police, Hyungwon-ssi.”

The man in front of you gulps. “Fuck! I’ll be back, Y/N-ah. And then I’ll see where this boyfriend of yours will be!” And he storms down the stairs, cursing under his breath, and you’re still shaking in Seokmin’s grip. 

Five minutes pass before he asks you, gently whispering in your ear, “Are you okay?”

“Yes.” You slowly turn around and face him. You’re awfully close to him, and as you stand on the higher staircase, you’re eye-to-eye with him. “I’m so sorry you had to see that, Seokmin-ah.”

“No, Noona. I’m just upset thinking of what would happen if I hadn’t come up with you here tonight.”

“No, don’t be. He’s… harmless. He’s all talk and no action.”

“Has he been here before?”

You bite your lip. You don’t want to tell him things which will involve him deeper into this. He doesn’t know anything, he’s a complete stranger to it all, and yet, he is right, you do feel safe around him. But that doesn’t mean you burden him any further.

“Seokmin-ah, I don’t want you to get worried about this. I can take care of myself, it’s just Hyungwon. Like I said, he’s only bark and no bite.”

“Noona-”

“I’ll be fine, honestly! I’m sorry you had to see all this happen.” 

He opens his mouth to say something, but then he becomes silent again. 

“Do you want to come in-”

“No, Noona. I’ll just leave. I won’t take any more of your time. Have a good night, Noona.”

“Seokmin-ah, pl-”

“Goodnight, Noona. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

And then he walks away, and you’re left there, unarmed, uneasy and all alone, swimming in your own thoughts. You feel like you should run after him like in the movies, and stop him from leaving, but your legs feel like lead. There’s a sinking feeling in your heart and a sense of emergency, and it’s not because your ex-boyfriend came up to your door asking for money to waste again.

_

You don’t go to school the next day. The day after that is a Saturday, thankfully a holiday, and you can spend a day moping in regret, stuffing popcorn into your face and pretending like you’re not an adult anymore and you can live without worrying about responsibilities and keep time standing still. 

It doesn’t work. 

Sohee arrives to your door on Sunday morning, sunglasses perched on her head. “Where have you been, sweetie?” She doesn’t wait for you to respond and shoves herself into your flat. 

“Nowhere, Sohee.”

“You’re pouting, your bed isn’t made, and I can smell caramel popcorn. Something’s up. Tell me, baby.”

She sits down on the couch, pulling you down next to her, and taps twice on your shoulder prompting you to spill. So you do spill. 

You tell her every thought that has crossed your mind these last 48 hours. How Seokmin confessed that he likes you. How you’d turned him down instantly. How Hyungwon had turned up at your door and ruined the night after the party. How you’d practically shooed Seokmin away although he’d been nothing but protective and helpful to you. How you’d wallowed in regrets since then, having realised that you’re such a coward. 

“Yeah, you are a coward. In what right mind would you turn down Seokmin when you’re so down bad for him?”

“Huh?”

“Dummy. You can’t even realise your own feelings, and you act like you’re so mature. Age is truly just a number,” she sighs before digging into your bowl of popcorn. 

“I don’t… I don’t have feelings for Seokmin.”

“What makes you think so?”

“He’s… he’s just a hoobae.”

“So are Chan and Soonyoung and Seungkwan. Why do you always blush when you talk to Seokmin, even if it’s over something as mundane as lunch? Why do you so often go to his classroom and aid him in his lessons during your free periods, even though he doesn’t necessarily ask for it? Why do you talk more to him than to your other hoobaes?”

You stay silent for a second. 

“Y/N-ah, think carefully about this.”

“I shouldn’t think of him in this light… he’s so much younger.”

“You’re just three years older than him, Y/N! Stop acting like you’re so old!”

“But…”

“Oh fuck, this isn’t about age, is it? You feel like you’re going to be to him what Hyungwon became to you? Predatory?”

You’re left silent again. Sohee understands from your (lack of) actions, and jumps across the couch to hug you. “Oh, Y/N-ah. Stop beating yourself up for that. It’s been so, so long. Stop blaming yourself for something that’s not even your fault.” 

“But Seokmin deserves better, don’t you think?”

“And you deserve better than beating yourself over an ex like Hyungwon. You deserve a second chance at love too, baby.” She hugs you tightly, and you don’t know when tears have started rolling down your cheek.“I’m a coward, Sohee. I can’t get the courage to even accept my feelings.” “Then let Seokmin help you. Honestly, with the way he always looks at you like you spin his earth and you’re his god, I don’t think he’ll have any issues waiting for you to realise your feelings.” You blush and hide your face in her neck at her sly words. She’s too outspoken for her own good. 

“What if it’s just a crush for him, that’ll pass soon? There’s not much about me that will keep him interested in me after a few months.”

“You’ve got to stop being so pessimistic. Again, just because one guy was stupid and decided to rip off your hard-earned money and your blind trust in him, doesn’t mean another guy will! I’ll say it again, you deserve a second chance!”

The doorbell rings right then. You get up to open the door, to find a letter on the doormat. 

“It’s from the local police station.” You pick it up and show Sohee, who’s equally confounded as you are. “Well, open it, girl!” 

It’s a letter stating a level one restraining order has been requested for your protection against Chae Hyungwon, who has repeatedly disturbed you while drunk, and demanded money for illegal gambling purposes. 

And the request has been made from Lee Seokmin.

“So you just have to sign it and that’s it? Hyungwon out from your life forever?”

You nod, unable to reply, you’re still shocked by the letter. So is Sohee, it seems. Because all she can manage is, “Wow. Y/N, you’ve gotta marry him.”

“Who?!”

“Seokmin, of course. If this is his level of devotion-”

“You don’t think this was unnecessary?”

“Y/N, are you for real? He’s literally looking out for you and doing what you should’ve done ages back, and you think he’s overstepping boundaries? He’s one gem of a person seeing that he’s doing all this without even you prompting him and even after you literally rejected his confession.”

You take a deep breath. She’s right. She’s so right that your heart hurts and you want to bend down on your knees because your body feels limp. How much more does Seokmin have to give you for you to be able to start giving back to him? One voice in your head chastises you. Love isn’t quid pro quo! You fight back. Fair. But at least you’ve started admitting it is love. The voice laughs at you, leaving you vulnerable. 

“Well, he said yes.”

“What?” You spin your head to look at Sohee who’s holding your phone in her hand. 

“Seokmin. He said he’ll meet you at the park near school. In about an hour.”

“Did you just text him from my phone?”

“I did, for your own good. Because if it were up to you, you would have overthought yourself into a hole you’d dig for yourself and not made a move at all even when he’s literally played all his cards and proved his commitment.”

“Aishh, you’re so annoying,” you playfully shove her. 

“Your annoying friend just wants to see you happy,” she pouts cutely, and you laugh at the face she’s making. 

“Okay, now go get dressed. You have to finish this game now, Y/N. I’ll drop you to the park.”

_

When Sohee drops you a little far away from the park, kissing your forehead and wishing you fighting!, you find Seokmin already sitting on a bench on a relatively empty side of the park. He looks up at you as you get closer, and you wave at him. You feel so timid, so nervous, just walking up to him, his handsomeness hitting you with full force as you see him in more casual clothes than ever before, knowing that this man, this beautiful man likes you. And he wants you, and he’s proved how far he can go to care for you, even when you’ve rejected his care.

“Noona, how are you? We were worried after you called your day off on Friday.”

“I’m sorry… I wasn’t sick or anything.” You laugh awkwardly. “Just, taking some time to ponder over things myself.”

“Oh.” He sits down on the bench, the loose end of his checked shirt gently swaying in the breeze. 

“And I regret how I acted that night. I’m sorry for being so harsh-” he starts to say something, but you gently put a finger on his hand, and that makes him shush. “I’m not just talking about Thursday night. I’ve been harsh to you ever since the beginning of the year. You’ve been nothing but kind and generous to me. But… time has made me unnaturally wary and I find it so hard to accept attention or even kindness easily. Thus, time and again I’ve pushed you away, yet you’ve kept coming back. It’s true that I didn’t realise your intentions earlier, but I know, deep down in my heart, that I’ve liked you too for quite some time.”

His eyes are wide, and you move an inch closer to him on the bench.

“I thought it was silly, to have a crush on a man so obviously young like you. I’m thirty now, turning thirty-one in a few weeks. I’ll always be older than you, less energetic, more boring and to be honest, I think it’s not even age but just experience which has made me like this. And I denied myself your attention because I thought you deserved better. And I still do. You sent a restraining request to the police on my ex-boyfriend on my behalf. You… you’ve gone out of your way so many times, even when I’ve been so harsh with you. You’re the one who’s precious, you’re made out of stardust. I’m just a broccoli that’s stacked in the corner of the fridge because no one wanted to eat me when I was fresh and no one should eat me now because now I’m stale.”

“That’s a ridiculous comparison. Even Soonyoung comparing himself to a tiger is better than you comparing yourself to a broccoli.” He finally says, and you laugh before you realise it. 

“Stop calling yourself old, Noona. Three years of an age difference isn’t a big deal. If the reason you’re holding yourself back is Hyungwon-ssi…”

“It is, I won’t lie. Hyungwon and I started dating when we were in college. We were so good, for so long. Until the pandemic came and took his job. That’s when he started getting into these bad habits. He took to gambling, and to stop him, I enrolled him into an evening college, hoping he’d get more productive and use the time we were stuck at home to get himself more educated and get a better job soon. It turned out he was wasting all my money on gambling, again. Every fees I’d paid to him had actually gone down the drain at a local club. And he even had the audacity to refuse me when I told him I want to break up with him.”

“Well, but he eventually did. That didn’t stop him from coming to my doorstep ever three or four months, asking for cash. Sometimes I’d drive him away, sometimes I’d give in if I was too tired to argue with him and if he was sober and dangerous.”

“Would you have given him money that night… had I not been there?”

You look down at your hands in shame. “I may have. I don’t know.”

“Do you still have feelings for him, Noona? It’s okay if you do have feelings, you know.”

“God, no. I don’t have feelings for him. It’s just that… we were together for seven years. We’ve grown up together. Seeing him in a pitiful state like that makes me sad. And I hope each time, that this will be the last time he’s at my door asking for money.” You look away, too ashamed to look at Seokmin. But he uses a hand to gently grip your chin and turn your head towards him. 

“You’re too kind for your own good, Noona.” You blush at the proximity, and the gentle way he’s touching your face. “This is why I like you. Because you’re so human in a world where everyone is plastic. I don’t like you because you’re a sunbae I want to impress. I don’t like you because boys like me find older women hot. Well, I do find you hot-”

“Seokmin!” You haven’t heard someone call you hot in so long, and it makes your skin burn. 

He giggles, and slowly flattens his palm to cup your cheek. 

“I think the restraining order should do the trick, then. He’ll not harass you any longer.”

“Thank you. You’ve been brave when I’ve been a coward.”

“That’s what makes us a good team, Noona.” 

You finally make eye contact with him, gazing into his doe-like brown eyes which are crinkled at the edges with a hint of a smile and wide with hope. 

“Your eyes are so pretty, Seokmin-ah. Just like the rest of you. Especially your heart.”

“It’s pretty because it belongs to you, Noona.”

You blush harder, and turn your face away from him. “I’ll not like you any more if you’re cheesy like this.”

“But it feels good to make you blush like this. How dare you compare yourself to a broccoli, huh? You have no idea what you do to me- when you enter any room, you light it up with your aura, you make it so much warmer, so much brighter. And then a fucking broccoli?”

“Stop! I didn’t mean it to be so deep. It’s just what I ate for lunch because that’s all I had in my fridge.” He giggles again, and you giggle along with him. You realise you’ve both moved closer to each other on the bench, until your thighs are touching. 

“Then you’ve got to have lunch again. No one should exist by eating just broccoli.” 

“With you?”

“If you’d like that.” He cups your other cheek with another hand, and you can feel your skin on fire. His eyes are gently inching towards your lips so you slowly close your eyes. “If you’re going to kiss me, know that I don’t have much experience in that. I’ll be your hoobae in that regard, sunbae.” You hear a soft giggle, and the kiss doesn’t arrive, so you open your eyes again, just to see him blush all over. “God, you’re so pretty, Noona. I could look at you all day.”

“How about you tell me when you started liking me?”

“Umm, I think that time you came to eat lunch with us for the first time? I think it all started with me just trying to get you to eat meals on time. Good girls don’t skip meals, as I heard someone once say,” you playfully hit his chest lightly, and he laughs. “I don’t know, maybe it was before that. But that afternoon, I realised my crush on you was so serious. I was getting tingly all over every time our shoulders touched.”

“Oh! Well, thank goodness it wasn’t just me.”

“Really? From so long ago? Oh, Noona, if you’d just told me earlier…”

“Shh!” You giggle, “I didn’t even realise anything. I was just desperate to get you to forgive me.”

“But I was never angry at you. I could never be.”

You smile again, and he pulls you closer until your entire body is touching him. “So are you giving me a chance, Noona?” 

“Yes. I like you, Lee Seokmin, and I’m still shocked that you like me, after everything you’ve had to see.”

“Well, I do. I like you so much that I might be seeing stars over your head every time you come into my line of sight.”

You giggle again, your insides turning to mush. “Will you be my girlfriend, Y/N Noona?” His voice is, oh, so soft, like a melody. And his eyes so earnest, like an autumn leaf. “I’d be very honoured to, Seokmin-ah.” “May I kiss you?” You feel yourself getting red with anticipation as you quietly nod your consent. 

And so he kisses you. Like your very own Prince Charming, he kisses you, one hand on the back of your neck, and the other cupping onto your cheek, first gentle and slow, and then a little more passionate, as you pull him closer by holding on to his slender waist. “Fuck, Noona. You taste so sweet,” he says while taking a breath, and then attacks your face all over by placing tiny pecks all over your nose, cheeks and forehead. “I like you so much, I think I might die from it.” You laugh once again at his words, unable to say anything else because he’s effectively shut you up through his incessant kisses. When he finally moves his face away from yours, his 1000 watt signature smile bright on his face, you say to him, “Not before we have lunch together, though.”

a/n: read the stories of the other three boys here! lmk your thoughts <3

tagging: kokoiinuts

[cringefailvox]

underrated hazbin hotel fic recs

hi! for the purposes of this list, my understanding of "underrated" is likely arbitrary, but i'm roughly judging by the metric of fics that either have under 100 kudos, or have an egregiously skewed kudos to comment ratio (i.e. 10 comments to 250 kudos, etc, bc wtf?) enjoy and please show these fics some love!!

blue light dreams by @morningsofgold - velvette-centric polyvees with a masterfully crafted atmosphere and fantastic character voices; spins such a rich and complex web of dynamics between all three of them that is just perfect. their other velvette-centric oneshot is delightful as well!

The Greedy Lack More by @hua-liansimp - radiostatic college au with eldritch horror alastor and a wonderfully toxic situationship where vox blackmails alastor into being his friend in exchange for vox's silence, but by no means is alastor going to make it easy for him

Paved With Good Intentions by ItsClydeBitches - platonic charlie & alastor character study where alastor learns that razzle & dazzle can sense malicious intentions towards charlie, and would've killed him when he first arrived if he'd actually wanted to hurt her. he has a mild crisis about it. their other genfic, A Wacky Wager, is also hilarious - husk and alastor make petty deals to entertain themselves, charlie disapproves

pivot by fiveandnocents - staticmoth smut with background polyvees where vox is the hinge, val is extremely jealous, and they are all really bad at this polyamory thing. really good inner narration from vox and val’s character voice is spot-on

Because I Love You by tellyvision - another platonic radiobelle fic, with genuinely gorgeous prose and very well-crafted character studies for both charlie and alastor’s worldviews. all of their other fics, which are mostly gen ensemble, i highly recommend as well

Bag of Bones by Candydollcurly - angel runs into vox at one of val’s shitty house parties and predictably, they hate each other. really snappy & clever dialogue, with one of my favorite angel characterizations ever. the rest of their fics are similarly fantastic, and a couple especially underrated ones are Eyes Up There (platonic valvel) and What You Came Here to Do (more deliciously toxic voxvalangel dynamics)

*explodes pancakes with mind* by nambi - extremely charming genfic with dashes of angsty introspection, set to a backdrop of alastor pulling increasingly irritating pranks on lucifer at breakfast until lucifer finally decides to retaliate

happy birthday mr voxtek president by @mwestbelle - dubiously consensual voxvalangel threesome, with a lot of vox and val being terrible to each other, to angel, and frankly to every unfortunate person who has ever entered their hundred mile vicinity. my other fav by them is love me cancerously (even more voxval nastiness)

The Good Old Days by @bloopdydooooo - really funny fic about vox and lucifer getting drunk at an overlord party and competing over who can get alastor to dance with them first. spoilers: they both fail miserably, and the only person who gets a radio demon dance that night is rosie :]

she who lies in his shadow by @bloodsbane - radiobelle pwp with touch/sex averse alastor, really fantastic stuff and honestly some of the only charlie/alastor porn i’ve actually enjoyed in terms of quality characterization AND gorgeous writing

kiss and swallow series by @issushaim - GENUINELY a travesty that this series doesn’t get more attention. intense, vivid, and delicious staticdust porn + character studies with exceptional dialogue and prose, and in general some of my favorite angel characterization of all time. really really fantastic stuff, i can’t recommend it enough

heard and heeded by @tarmairons - husk character study where he comes to alastor to barter for angel’s soul, but might have bitten off more than he can chew. dark, achingly visceral prose, still gives me a lingering ache in my chest every time i read it. ugh so good

what a waste of a lovely night by @valscigarette - vox takes angel on a dry run date in an attempt to figure out how to rekindle the magic with val. very fun and engaging dialogue, vox being a piece of shit as per usual while angel suffers along for the ride, and delightfully toxic4toxic staticmoth

The Radio Demon is Back in Town by @take-the-unknow-road-now - very cute and funny radiostatic where after the overlord meeting, alastor baits vox into having a drink with him. banter, dancing, food fights, and a rekindling of a kismesissitude for the ages ensues. filled to the brim with hysterical lines such as “one day i'll pop you open like a crab and feast on your insides” and “may you crash sideways into a vat of nuclear waste”

Red Skies and Valentino by alternatedoom - i really think this one isn’t as well known only because the author dropped all 25 chapters in one day and the summary tells you functionally nothing, but guys. it’s so fucking good. 86k of voxval being monsters in love, with hefty doses of angel & velvette, bg polyvees, and smatterings of radiosilence, telling the entire history of vox and val’s partnership in excruciating, lurid, and violent detail. i was mesmerized all the way through. you have to give it a shot if you’re a staticmoth fan because it is a masterpiece

SOS by @arahusk - a surreal, dark, and macabre husk/lilith/alastor fic where husk follows alastor’s distress signal to his home and gets roped against his will into whatever fucked up game lilith is playing with alastor. the radiohusk here is delightfully complicated and possessive from both ends, and lilith is a captivating figure. really excellent writing. i’m also a big fan of literally every other fic they’ve ever written

Between the Wings by nettle (stinging_nettle) - vaggie/lute dubiously consensual hatesex with homophobic overtones, my beloved. she’s written some delicious valangel and staticmoth too

all of his questions, such a mournful sound by @valleyghosts - angel character study and ensemble fic with a sprinkling of huskerdust. very sweet and charming, practically everybody gets a bonding moment and the characterization is airtight

Harlem Sunrise by Caelanmiriel - absolutely CRIMINAL that this fic only has six non-reply comments. this is one of The radiostatic fics for me, a 21k oneshot of vox fixing alastor up after the finale despite alastor’s best attempts to die out of spite, complete with vox’s unhinged rambling narration, alastor being utterly incapable of telling anyone the truth, least of all himself, and the two of them trying their hardest to hate each other and failing miserably. spectacular. go read it immediately

living in sin is the new thing series by @superkitten-poison - fantastic polyvees series, terrible people in love with perfect character voices and very funny dialogue

[spideronthesun]

Yearly recount 2024

Thank you for tagging me @concerningwolves !

Rules: Do a recount of your year with the highlights, special moments, and goals for next year

Highlights & special moments

Joined writeblr. I don't really use social media these days, and I'm not active anywhere else. But I am happy that I found myself here after a long contemplation.

I wrote some short stories for Writemas! I was really busy throughout the last month that I wished I participated in it more, although I was glad that I was able to leave my mark.

Rewriting my story and adding more horror details to it. I have never thought that I would ever fall in love with horror that much, but here we are, 2024 was magical to me in a sense. And I don't think that I have ever loved anything more in my life. Horror gave me a second life, a new meaning, and was a very healing experience to me.

Finally got to read more! I am actually very happy about this, because I never discussed this in the blog before, but I have gone through a huge reading slump back in 2023, and I was struggling with finding a story I enjoy. I have read so many great books last year.

Goals for next year

I want to start querying Tales of the Oak and Lightning! Well, last year I didn't do it since I spent a lot of the time on rewrites, editing, and then even more rewrites that I no longer felt ready to start querying. Although, I still get all jittery while thinking about it, but I want to find someone who falls in love with my story and characters as much as I do, and I hope that someone reads my query letter, then read my opening pages, and they think to themselves, yes, I am in love with this story and I want to find it home.

Can't wait for Scareuary, yay! I'm so excited for it!

I want to write more short stories or try writing an essay sometime in the future. Guess, we will see about that and how it goes.

I want to make writing friends. Sometimes, I feel really alone, and I don't know how to approach people. I really struggle with that a lot. It also doesn't help that I have severe abandonment issues in my life, and I can't get close to other people because of this. I find myself to be very difficult to be around, and I don't want to cause any anxieties or upsets in other people's lives.

Tagging: @mrbexwrites @satohqbanana @melpomene-grey @alintalzin @angelfevr

@orphanheirs @authoralexharvey @cain-e-brookman

[malinowaj]

2024 fandom review

thank you for the tag @nerdyfangirl76 and @almostlake 💜

warning: this got really long

fics written

in 2024, i posted 3 finished fics and one currently on-going WIP. in total that was 122,542 words and i keep looking at that number in complete disbelief.

i started the year by saying, multiple times, i'm not going to write anything because it's been nearly a decade since i wrote for fun. then i had an idea and was all "well, maybe if i wrote this one short thing, posted it and then dipped never to be seen again". insert my friend laughing at me at regular intervals because we all know that's not what happened.

always losing to win is very dear to me, for several reasons, and it'll never stop blowing my mind how many people have read it and been on that journey with me.

fics read

my AO3 history is about 300 fics, but i did not sort out my logins until months into the year, so the actual number is probably somewhere closer to 350.

i tried to pick a few favourite fics i read and limiting myself to just these is hard. i regret to say none of these have received the praise, comments and love from me that they deserve, because it took me months to get over my comment shyness. but i hope this makes up for it a bit. (new year's resolution: more comments for everyone.) in alphabetical order by title:

almost is never enough by @in-amor-veritas

there's a scene in this with kent's 747 that i have the strongest, plot-wise most insignificant headcanon about and i think about it every time i hear the song. which is often. and then i end up thinking about the whole story.

another dose by stargazers

it's such a beautiful version of wilmon, because it's so them. and it's hot.

chasing our sunlight by fitz_y

if there ever was a fic that lives rent free in my head, it's this. the way it deals with so many heavy topics has made me cry, but it's such an incredibly crafted story i come back to it often.

forever i'm yours by @goldenwilmon

the way the fall in love in this one? hands down one of my favourites ever. whenever i need some fluff and happiness in my life, this is the one i go for.

little light by @unfortunate17

possibly one of the first, if not the first, wilmon fic i read in 2024. it broke something in me, but also healed something in me.

reckless abandon by @zee-has-commitment-issues

i absolutely love the concept and the way all the characters are so well-rounded. one of the fics i could not stop reading and can't wait to read again.

so loaded, eye low by @enjoythesilentworld

the chemistry, the angst. the sweet, delicious angst. and hot as hell.

where be left off by @gulliblelemon

the best way for me to fight some physical pain? some emotional pain. and this one has it, in the best, most beautiful way. very few fics have i devoured like i did this one.

the wolf comes home by @phneltwrites

after months, i still keep thinking about a particular line in this one. the trauma aftermath, the way they deal with it. also my favourite established relationship wilmon.

looking forward to in 2025

i can't wait to read and see all the amazing fics and gifs and edits and everything this fandom comes up with. i already know there'll be so many wonderful things i'll enjoy.

as for my own writing, i'm trying to get a good chunk of hope and legacy written before the insanity that'll be my life from late january to the end of february. (no context chapter 4 spoiler: simon steals a flag.)

there is also in from the cold, the espionage AU i have about 10K written for - and that's barely the beginning. i don't know if it'll ever see the light of day, but i do love the concept and all the research i've done for it.

i have been thinking about space wilmon lately, and while i said i'm not going to go down that road myself, i did remember a few lines from record of a spaceborn few that may have sparked an idea. it might become something one day, or it might never be more than the few disjointed lines and ideas i have typed in my notes.

there's also a file with a list of songs that i might want to build stories around. in general i have a lot of ideas, but very few of them might become anything. i'd like to put it down as "english is not my first language so writing is slow" thing, and while it is that too, it's mostly me being a perfectionist and not able to let go. (which is why i should probably have a beta telling me 'this is fine, go post it'. if anyone feels up for doing that...)

the biggest, warmest thank you to everyone who's read anything i've written, left kudos or comments, sent messages, in any way engaged. it has made my year, and this fandom experience so special 💜

not tagging anyone, but if any of the authors i mentioned haven't done this yet and would like to, i'd love to read your reviews.

[doodlewizardry]

ooohhhh long long post!!!! [this is @doodlejoltik's main btw for any of the people I tagged that might not recognise it]

@pillowbugs aww thanks ! i didn't realise/remember that your blog was new at the time :O that's awesome to hear! it's fun seeing your art and writing!

i cannot possibly mention everyone cool that i know on this site but I'll try for a few at least. again in no particular order

@beastkonohaworld BK!!! you've been a great person to work with and an even greater friend :D chemmet is one of the highlights of my merch collection too. here's to another great year!

@protagpigeon KAIT! :D collabs shenanigans silliness you name it, if it's comedic we can do it XD immensely enjoyed all the time we've spent together, may there be endless more fun times to be had

@reestallized hey reestal! fellow Rei fan :D love your art and ideas loads, they're always so great to see !!! especially your traditional art it's something you do that is very cool :O same with the colour palette challenges

@cheesecake801 cheese it's quite possibly your fault that I enjoy volkner so much. it's contagious you spread it to everyone XDDD love the warm colours you use in your art and all the Character Thoughts you have, they're so wonderful <3

@skitter-kitter aka. one of the Lear fans ever. it's Definitely your fault i like Lear so much i blame you entirely /lh thank you for the fun times vibing about writing in DMs together, the community you've organised for us Lear fans, and generally being Very Cool <3

@ursamajorgamma we only met this past year, but it's been a delight knowing you! VC shenanigans beloved all our conversations have been so interesting and/or fun. epic Lear art and other paintings too :OO

@defoozor thank you for the cool art talk and other conversations, the awesome concepts you've made (Lear_Gem and Arc Suit Consequences are iconic) and also the VC fun hehe

@davepeta neppy you're always down for fun and silliness and you appreciate a good Bit! cool writing too, and art, and it's just awesome to hang out with you on chat.

@choochooboss Jun thank you for everything you've done for the community and being an AWESOME person to know! I've gushed many a time about how much i love pokemagma so I won't repeat myself but suffice to say it's one of the best things I've ever been part of. and to borrow from BK: U CUTE also!

@turtwisp we've only been talking regularly pretty recently, but you are very cool :3 love your barries !!!

@grubbin22 you are so nice and so sweet i've very much enjoyed the time we've spent together!!! and I've always admired your art so it's awesome to make your acquaintance

@monvallaria our acquaintance has been short so far but I'm absolutely loving it!!! you're a delight! love all your little doodles with hearts everywhere and much hilarity it's wonderful <3 <3 <3 here's to more fun together

@antihibikase it was super fun to talk and hang out productively, plus it's nice to see you around. i hope 2025 is a good year for you <3

@ultipoter yippee ulti! i love your art so much... such a recognisable and distinct artstyle with some traditional and anime influences that is Very Tasty. awesome character thoughts like that one Volo comic that popped off, hilarious Bits (Volo Cola, our incredibly stupid venn diagram /affectionate) and one of the guys of all time (holds up Jirou like a lil plushie). it's always a delight when you're around! I'm very happy to know you

@scraggscribbs hey scraggs, hope you've been well! i appreciate all the support and amazing comments you've given me on my fics <3 and you make such AMAZING manga with such interesting characterisation, I'm in awe! enjoy all our conversations very much and would love to catch up again :D

@hwpn-gurire I really appreciate all the comments and positive energy you bring to the pokemas community! you uplift everyone and always have a kind word :) plus your art is fantastic - thanks for teaching me that lil trick about offset colour, it's a really fun effect to use!

@claitea you have Many character thoughts that we are in agreement on / make me Think. really great stuff, thank you for appreciating my insane tag rambling on your posts LOL frequently pointing like yeah YOU GET IT! your art is great too with many :O comics that live in my brain rent free 👍

@kobandan you've listened to me a lot over this past year, thank you for that <3 your art is awesome, especially love your submas series with all their different pokemon. seeing those less popular combinations get the spotlight is great!

@smashwolfen originator of UPDOG my beloved snorlax.... thank you for the Very Epic name and continuing to stay subscribed to my silly Updog Newsletter XD I promise to continue the saga! also love your art, so much good PLA <33333 the Volo sketch page I remember quite well, phenomenal stuff hahahaha

@raikouswish rei-membering all the good times we've had this year 😁 i always have so much pun talking to you! here's to staying f-rei-nds in times to come >:3

@shibearts U CUTE !!!! love your designs and OCs they are super epic and you always hit me with the nostalgia blast. you've inspired me with your character design! geographyverse collab sometime this year surely

@submastrain it's been awesome collaborating with you! your rendering and colours make my brain light up they're so good :O

and many MANY more people that I've had the pleasure of talking to or reblogging posts back and forth with or drawing with - I'm sorry I can't mention you all!! appreciate all of you, whether we're mutuals or you're just following me along on this ride - both here and with my pokeposting :3

happy new year!

@jumpy-buggy-33 @ollie-arts67 @ashmeertheimp @k4izershasfreakycanon @cyrophobia

[And all my moots becuz I'm supposed to be helping out during party 😋]

[suprababka]

hii first off, I really love your works!! I'm not big on textfics/chatfics generally but I really enjoy yours so much. I'm still reading through all of them but I wanted to drop an idea if it might pique your interest:

opm men's reaction to finding out you read fanfiction of them OR their reaction to finding out you write fanfiction for them

I think that would be really meta and I love stuff like that. If this is up your alley, I would be very happy if you wrote it. If not, that's okay, and I just wanted to let you know that I really like your work and can't wait to read more from you ♡

- 🍥

Hiii!👋 Aww, thank you!!! It means a lot that you enjoy my smaus even if you're not a big fan of them!😊🥰 And thank you for the request! I agree with you, that really would be meta. So I hope you won't be be disappointed😚 If something is not right, please let me know, and I'll fix it. Have fun!💕

Their reaction to you writing/reading fanfiction about them

T/W: a bit of mature themes (in Garou's, Amai Mask's and Flashy Flash's parts)

A/N: Happy 2025 year and Happy Holidays!🎄🎊💫

I wish you guys that this year will be 2025 times more colorful and eventful (in a good way) than the previous one! The 2024 year was filled with many important events, and one of them was starting this blog and meeting all of you. I couldn't imagine – heck, I still can't believe – that we made our comfort community😊 I love you all a lot, and I'm grateful for your support! You bring sense to what I'm doing. Let us have more OPM smaus and headcanons this year!💝

Thanks for all the likes, comments, reblogs and following me! I really appreciate your feedback and support, guys!🥰🫶

You can check my masterlist too see more of my other works.

Prepare for possible OOC!

(Sorry if there are any mistakes!)

And, most importantly, enjoy!!!

Saitama & Genos & Speed-o'-Sound Sonic

Garou & Metal Bat & Amai Mask

Flashy Flash & Zombieman & King

[redux-iterum]

Sorry for all the questions from me recently,, but I've been planning to write a fanfic that takes place before pinestar exists in riverclan, blast to the past if you will! I just wanted to ask if you have any tips or advice because I really look up to your writing!

No worries about questions! I'm happy to answer if I can. I'll try to give some advice on writing in general, and hopefully it'll help you.

Figure out what pace will help you keep going on the project, fanfic or original, and work with that. If writing 200 words a day every day or 1k words every three days is your comfortable speed and keeps you from getting exhausted, then don't force yourself to Stephen King it and write an excess of 2k every single day. Your goal is to enjoy yourself here and keep going until it's completed. It won't be worth it if you suffer the whole time.

That being said, at times you may need to strap yourself down and just get through the part you don't want to write. This requires some discipline and self-training, but it is doable. The reward of getting to the part you're excited about is completely worth the work of writing when bored. I can very much promise you that. Every single thing I've ever worked on, I've had to force myself to keep writing/drawing at some point, and every time I've been happy that I worked until I got my reward of the part I was psyched to get to. Hell, I'm doing that right now with the next book in this series! And, fun fact, the more you do it, the easier it gets. Sort of like exercise!

If you need to plan ahead of time to finish a project like I do, then you might could borrow my method of planning: write down one or a couple sentences describing the overall, most basic idea of the plot (literally just something like "[Character] in RiverClan finds a secret plot by [other character] to overthrow the leader, stops them, and then discovers that they were right to be suspicious about the leader's secrets and helps oust the leader"); write down all the story beats and character moments you have in mind in no specific order; break down the plot into more chewable chunks using the aforementioned beats and moments to help you figure out the connecting veins to each chunk; and from there, go smaller and smaller as needed until you have enough to work with that you're comfortable writing. I personally like to write a summary of each chapter as well - all of them - before starting to actually write those chapters. It helps me keep track of everything and prevents me from fucking up the story I had in mind by being impulsive and forgetting the plan.

Even if you love a moment, character or line of dialog, if it isn't working with everything else and is disrupting the flow of the story, don't be afraid to throw it out. It's hard and I hate doing it myself, but sometimes it's just time to get rid of something you're attached to. "Kill your darlings" doesn't just mean killing a character you like, it means taking out things that you love no matter how much it feels like ripping out a tooth. You can always find a way to use whatever it is later in something else.

If you have a willing beta/editor, by GOD, ask for their help. A second set of eyes is crucial to ensuring the quality of your story. The thing is that you're too close to your creation to know for sure if it's good to everyone else - even if it genuinely is amazing, you have no idea because you made it. Having someone outside the circle of sentiment to read and say, "Hey, this dialog doesn't sound very realistic" or "Huh, I thought this piece was foreshadowing something else, maybe clear that up a little" is, while painful to your ego, more precious than a pot of gold. Appreciate the critique you get. It's awesome for your growth. Do know that not all critique is going to be helpful to your specific writing style, but a lot of it is very much worth paying attention to and taking a minute to mull over and decide whether to humor it or not. This, too, you will get better at differentiating over time.

All this said, remember that if you're not getting a paycheck, you're doing this for fun. You are under no obligation to finish a story that's making you miserable. You'll have to learn the difference between "fic I'm in a boring moment of" and "fic that's actively harming my mental wellbeing because I feel obligated to complete it", and sometimes you'll need a second person to voice your thoughts to in order to judge that. If it sucks, hit da bricks! Don't punish yourself for having to stop, or even just taking a break. A fanfic is not worth your sanity. Trust me on this.

That shit got long and I apologize. Hopefully this helped!

[spearxwind]

I just wanna say, thank you for sharing your art and ocs with us. I know you've struggled with art theft and rude behavior and burnout and all kinds of things, but its been such a source of joy and inspiration all these years to see your insane creativity and talent and personal expression. So thank you--thank you for risking all that unpleasantness to share the things you love. Admittedly I do kind of miss the old days of seeing your characters and art all the time, but I absolutely understand and respect your moving on. I'm glad you're living your life, and its still a joy to see the things you make, even if its not as often. Anyway happy new year, I hope this year brings you tons of kindness, fulfillment, and happiness.

Ah gosh that means so much to me, thank you dearly!

I genuinely love sharing my stuff a lot, and I love interacting with you guys and talking about what I make :) It makes me really happy that so many of you enjoy what I do! It's honestly a huge reason as to why I keep doing it.

And don't misunderstand me, my lack of art recently isn't really due to me moving on or not wanting to share more or sharing less (though I don't share as much lore as I used to due to the theft). But mostly it's because I have much more going on irl these days. I have a much bigger demand for my time irl with my partner, friends, work, family and all of that. I draw and chill when I can, I would do a lot more if I had the time haha

I also miss when I used to draw and share a lot, but a part of why I did so much of that was because I did not have many friends or much going on at all, and I had few other hobbies than "make art" so I just did that for much more time than what was probably healthy ^^; it's less about moving on from drawing and more about being able to spend time being a proper person now. Also some of the stuff i work with on my own time are things that take a lot of time to finish so it looks like I do a lot less

Though maybe one day I can finally dedicate myself full-time to art (in a healthier way) and just let loose! I hope you will stick around for that :]

Thank you for taking the time to write this out, it genuinely means a lot to me! I hope you have a fantastic new year too, and again, definitely hope you will stick around to see all the cool stuff I have cooking >:)