#And I refuse to accept that it's my fault

[pinkandpurple360]

"constant condescension, demands of service, and emotional abuse."

"constant condescension": do you mean the nicknames Stolas gave to Blitz where it shows the clash of POVs from both sides (Stolas POV he's just being tender and loving, but of course his oblivious ass raised in a classist family won't realize that, meanwhile from Blitz POV, where class weights way more on him, assumes he's being condescending, despite not being his intention and not being a reality either). But psh, screw that right? It's way better to oversimplify and say Stolas does it on purpose and is a big monster, surely that's the most intelligent way to go!

"demands of service": alright, it's another part of POV clash, because the so-called 'demands' are something that Blitz perhaps understands what his affair with Stolas is like, for obvious reason, he's a goetia, he's an imp, yada yada, power imbalance, logical reasons that explains why the foundation of Stolitz in the first place is messy and shouldn't ever be the base of an relationship and the reason ppl root for it is for them to get out of this but no you all just assume everyone wants them to create this narrative that 'Stolas is in the right Blitz in the wrong' when the NOT FUCKING STUPID people don't pick sides and conclude this was a trainwreck bound to happen, fans are just waiting for the resolution (which hasn't come yet)

Anyways back to my point about the so-called demands, as I explained why it's understandable Blitz views this way, this is also not an reality. Paying attention to Stolas language in Murder Family, fucked up context aside, he don't bring up consequences if Blitz didn't accept the trade neither mentioned his power to threat him to accept it either, he offered and even asked if it's fair, someone as powerful as Stolas could control Blitz easily, yet he doesn't and it shows a lot about his character, but of fucking course you all don't care about that, Stolas is a big meanie.

and lastly: emotional abuse.

What. Just what. Everything that's going on with Blitz right now is not Stolas fault, this overwhelming 'torture' for Blitz as shown in these episodes are because of the obvious fact of the MASSIVE self hatred Blitz holds against himself, which, guess what, was actually SOLVED in this episode with Millie's help. This was not a damage by Stolas, sure, it's the most recent wound and Blitz feels guilty not for falling up for him, despite him desiring that, but he just straight up refused consciously to sit and talk with Stolas seriously because he WANTED that pompous rich asshole projection he had of Stolas (that is shown on his Truth Seekers hallucination), and talking about that, YES, EVERYONE KNOWS THE STOLAS PERCEPTION OF BLITZ SHOWN IN THAT EPISODE IS FUCKED UP, is not by any means healthy and is just self degrading, Stolas social class by itself already does that but his words towards him he >unconsciously< fed this preconception;

I could discuss Stolitz for a while and explain the appeal to Stolitz is not their previous dynamic, as fun as it was to watch sometimes, most know those conditions are not the healthy base of an relationship, and no, Stolas arc is by any means resolved, him taking the action to end the transactional deal with Blitz is just an start, the episodes are setting up so much stuff about Stolas realizing more stuff and ACTUALLY CHANGE FR.

What do you think the Striker line towards him about how the royals take everything from 'us', Blitz ranting (which is not a calling Stolas out, it's a rant of feeling unfairly dismissed and how he's having his feelings being played), but regardless, mentioning his attitude towards other imps and Apology Tour description literally calling Stolas not being self aware enough, and it's the episodes where petty Stolas keep talking bs at the start (with an Blitz that refuses to talk seriously fr)

This misconception you all have that Stolitz fans think all this needs to happen is Blitz to confess, and that Stolas has nothing more to improve is just wrong. Just plain wrong. I love both of these characters and I hate seeing an enormous mischaracterization of both.

Let's see if you won't oversimplify all I just said

Not oversimplify, but to summarise how stolas fans excuse him:

(1) Not the nickname. The fact he is asked not to say it, but does anyway. Because it makes him feel good. That is condescending. He is screamed in his face how people feel, and he ignores them not because he is “oblivious” or “tender and loving” but because he wants them to feel something else. This is wilful ignorance.

His response to his abusive marriage and family he has no control over, is to control those he knows cannot say no to him, to make himself feel better. The same way he abuses drugs and absinthe. He does it to his own staff, his daughter in the LooLoo land episode causing her breakdown, which he later regretted. In general to all imp kind, hellhounds also. This is the toxic mindset of someone with pain, who has let his victim mentality go too far. He is exploiting his privilege, which he is perfectly aware that he has. “Being part of the Goetia family is rather valuable you know”

Oddly enough, despite his “oblivious” self….he knows not to act this way towards Paimon, Asmodeus, and Andrealphus. He uses respect for all three. Ever wonder why? Him and Stella are in a clear power struggle. How they use power is unstable. An explanation, not excuse, for how he acts. This isn’t a prince problem. This is a stolas problem. His trauma isn’t blitzos fault, but Blitzs trauma is caused by how stolas has behaved to him.

“His oblivious ass and being raised in a classist family won’t realise that” hm. Wont realise….what? But you say everything is all in blitzs head and not the reality at all? So what isn’t stolas realising???

…..Oh and these…which are not even all of them.

(2) Now hang on, you can’t just “yada yada” away a power dynamic that you recognise is the problem. Stolas can control blitz. You do not understand what the sexual abuse is here. You think the fact he could rape him even more, but doesn’t, is worthy of praise. I think what he’s already done to abuse his power, is worthy of disdain. You’re pretending this was consensual, but despite how pro stolas the narrative is, even they have to admit it was not. Stolas said it wasnt right for a reason. And you seem to take his reality and his truth as the only reality, so why make this exception. When someone says they were sexually abused, you don’t get to say “Well you’re wrong. That’s not the reality. Because he loves you, and he didn’t mean it. He’s doesn’t see it this way, he’s one of the good ones.”

That first sentence is a mess. They’re demands because “no” isn’t reasonably on the table. He had to beg him not to take his business away, he said he could fulfill the bargain. You and stolas are squeamishly in denial about it. It’s not that blitz doesn’t feel this way, and that it isn’t what happened, it’s that you wish he didn’t and you wish that it didn’t, you want to pretend it is “society” or blitzs mental illnesses or Blitzs dad. But never stolas and what he did.

Er….you are taking a side. You said everything blitz feels is not reality. The source being, his trauma, and because stolas doesn’t see it that way. This feels like accusing an abuser person of “hysteria”

The emotional abuse part was explained very clearly, stolas does all of these; shifts blame, denial, shames him for his past relationships, switches victim and offender, rewrites past events, dodges questions, uses hefty amounts of guilt tripping, projection, deflection, silent treatment, taunting, and torment. By comparison, Blitz yells at him not to dismiss him, says he behaves in a classist way, makes sex jokes, and says “fuck you” these are all reactions. Something called reactive abuse which is what victims do in frustration and lack of control. Like stolas screaming back at Stella. She almost always starts it. (Not counting one scene where the start of the fight is offscreen so I don’t know who did)

“This was not caused by stolas. Sure it was the most recent wound” bit of a self contradiction. The way stolas behaved was disgusting, and abusive, his combination of control and guilt tripping, caused a massive decline in blitzs confidence triggering a mental break. As stolas’ behaviour has done to him several times.

Did Blitz “not want to talk?” Or did stolas order him to leave three times, and kick him out by force the second time? And turn his back on him every single instance. Causing the angry “im not being listened to” response stolas always causes in people. No. It’s stolas who refuses to. And as you and I both know, he has all of the power.

Third last paragraph, Viv cannot allow blitz to be right about stolas, so she compares him to a more convenient “bad” example, Striker. Ppl want to pretend the problem is “society” and painting royals with the same brush like a meanie head, and pretend it’s not stolas’ fault cause he’s just “loving and tender and oblivious and silly” This is a massive case of denial and creators pet behaviour, that is even irritating the spindlehorse animators and non-Viv writers.

Second last paragraph, don’t tell me what I think lol?. Many of the fans say they actually do feel that way, it’s no misconception. In this message you are dodging stolas having any moments of malice at all, by using “trauma” and “blitz just sees it that way” as reasonings.

[scoobydoodean]

And yes this is connected to my post yesterday about poor little meow meows. I think this lends to the deangirl/casgirl divide where it crops up. I wonder if for some casgirls, Dean's lack of earnest attempts to "make up" for his mistakes by trying to get his friends/family to see him as "worthy" of forgiveness after a mistake comes off as unfeeling. I see Dean feel he's made a mistake and withdrawal (sometimes with a verbal expression of regret, sometimes not) and I understand his withdrawal as deep-seated despair. He can never "make up" for anything so he doesn't try to do that—he just accepts consequences and doesn't usually fight them. He also doesn't usually bother to separate out what he is and isn't sorry for because he blames himself for what was actually his fault and what wasn't his fault and that probably looks like an emotional disconnect for some people.

In contrast, I think for deangirls like me, Cas's persistent belief that he can fix any mistake he's made—while very earnest and typically endearing—can come across as a refusal to fully understand that actions have consequences. It can come off as a refusal to genuinely accept responsibility for your decisions. If you believe you can always fix any mistake you make, you can develop a moral hazard problem. You begin to see relationships as transactional situations where you can "pay" to do the thing you knew in advance you shouldn't do, believing you can always just absolve yourself afterwards by paying some kind of "making up" tax. This also can ultimately look unfeeling and like an emotional disconnect.

Dean and Cas are very similar in that they both deal with significant self-worth issues, were treated as weapons for a lot of their lives and were raised like soldiers, and had their worth routinely tied to their ability to kill and defend their families. But their responses to making a mistake are so... very very different most of the time?

Cas fucks up and immediately begins looking for ways to prove himself again and get anyone he's let down to see that he cares about them and he can fix it. His belief that he can make things right is incredibly persistent and can even feel a little overbearing on occasion? Dean fucks up and despairs. He sees his mistakes as a death sentence—as something that completely condemns him. He makes a mistake and believes he can never atone and has no way of making it better. In the worst case, he thinks the best favor he could do the world around him is dying to rid the world of the stain of him. He's too accepting of being doomed by consequences. I think this makes Cas a really important foil for Dean and also probably lends to Dean's attraction to him.

Cas is the guy who tilts his head and says "You don't think you deserve to be saved?" Not just because he thinks Dean is a good person to the very core but because Cas believes you can fix anything, and as much as I think this difference creates conflict between the two of them on occasion, I also think that's an important and inspiring trait in a friend for someone with Dean's hangups.

[dragons-hoard-of-fandoms]

Posting one Murder Drones meme a day until Episode 5 drops, Day Eight.

[anna-scribbles]

truest thing gabriel everrr said was that adrien had emilie's flair for the dramatics

[biblically-accurate-dca]

KILL!!!!!!!!!

[benjaminvox]

"Loss is loss," Benjamin shrugs his shoulder, huffing a distant sound. Nowhere near a laugh, but more of an acknowledgment. "You shouldn't have had to go through that, anymore than I shouldn't have had to go through the things I did. Fuck, man. We were kids." watching as the beer arrived, and tilting his head in thanks.

The difference between the two men though? Benjamin's anger. That darkness that had been bred, and then honed. Living with vengeance was the only way he'd found any modicum of peace.

'You think it might right a wrong, give you closure — it won't'

Benjamin doesn't agree, and it says so as he shifts in his seat, causing the upturn of the corner of his lips. "Did you seek revenge? For your parents?" a pause. "Or are you guessing that it won't make me feel better?" There was a reason he'd been likened to Johnathan...that unwielded rage that most hadn't yet seen. The need to serve. The need to hurt. It lay under that young boy smile, the yet to age face.

And he needed somewhere to direct it. Finely educated, the only credentials he had was working for Melissa Lin. A title, and a fine reputation in itself...he'd bore quickly. He needed this.

'Whose fault is it then, Benjamin? Hers or yours?'

Benjamin doesn't answer immediately.

He sits on it. Traces condensation dripping down the glass in hand, cold seeping into his fingertips. His first instinct is to deflect, throw some biting comment back at Gideon that might force the conversation in some other direction, but the weight of it all, that fucking question settles heavily on top of him. His life, Melissa, his parents, Étienne...his brothers.

Benjamin felt like the world was weighing down on him, and he was it's sole bearer. It's not the first time he's wondered about it, too many times has it found it's way into his thoughts, his dreams...but having someone like Gideon ask it so bluntly strips away any excuse he might've leaned on.

Any chance he could escape those nightmares.

He's fucking lost. Staring. Like the young boy he was still, rummaging to the surface.

Benjamin hadn't quite lost that to his years yet.

"Both," he finally says, eyes vacant, blue a vast nothingness. He doesn’t look at Gideon, can't bare it, honestly: instead, his eyes finds the drink in his hand. "It'd be hers for pulling the trigger. Mine for giving her the reason to, I guess."

Loyalty was a dog: and he was her hound. Benjamin knows it’s not the answer Gideon wants, not the clean division of responsibility he'd probably hoped to hear. And he wouldn't lie to him, his mind had been moulded to Melissa Lin's tactics some eleven years ago...there was no changing his heel. But it’s the truth as Benjamin sees it. Melissa isn’t without her flaws, but she’s always been clear about the stakes. He accepted them the day he stepped into her world.

Into the Rutherford name. And while she commanded it, he obeyed.

He leans back, letting the chair creak under his weight. "Look, I’m not saying she’s perfect. Far from it, fuckin' hell...I'm meant to be smart, right. But... I owe her. A fuckin' lot. Not just for keeping me alive, but for making me into something. Someone. And yeah, that comes with risks. But doesn’t everything?"

Jabbing a finger over his shoulder, he shakes his head -- aware that there were parts of Melissa that Gideon refused to see. To acknowledge. "My parent's killer is here...drinking, laughing...and Melissa's checked in on me every two hours." The side eye, shoulders shrugging. She was his family. Benjamin knows he's justifying, fuckin' rationalizing. Gideon can probably see through it, but it’s the only way he’s ever been able to make peace. "I know you think I’m just another pawn in her game. And maybe I am. But...I chose this life. I know exactly what I signed up for."

Raising his glass, he huffs. "So if she shoots me one day? At least I’ll go down knowing I didn’t sit back and let the world tear me a-fuckin-part." He leans forward, his elbows on the table. "What about you? You’ve seen the same shit I have. What made you realise you'd never want...this" he knew Melissa well, knew a lot of what went on in the Rutherford's -- it was his job to know.

After everything Benjamin reveals about his past, it's less what he says and more how his voice breaks hoarsely over that single word, 'yep', that coaxes Gideon's begrudging sympathy for him. Silently, he hails the bartender, ordering another round of beers for them. Tonight, Benjamin can acquire his own, compliments of his allocation to the rich tents, but there's some goodwill hidden in the gesture nonetheless.

"It isn't all that similar, and I won't pretend that it is." He replies, concerning the demise of both their biological parents. "A car accident doesn't quite leave the same scars as death by unnecessary violence, and I certainly wouldn't have wanted to see what you stepped into, that day you found their bodies." No, it'd be insensitive to claim that he understood what Benjamin had experienced.

But he does understand loss, through and through. Time and time again.

'I can't let it go.' — That's what he's afraid of, that's the part that will consume the boy, if he lets it. Because the Rutherford's seen that too. Time and time again.

"There are plenty of occupations that don't involve breaking the law, Ben." Lest the young man feel he's trying to step into the role of father, unsolicited, Gideon adds;

"I'm just saying. And the thing about anger, is that there's no end to it. Your anger won't bring them back. Murdering Étienne won't bring them back. You think it might right a wrong, give you closure — it won't." He's seen it play out too many times among other members in his father's mob. Recruited with the sweet promise of vengeance, only to find it hollow once they'd sacrificed everything to obtain it.

'And if I die for it, then... That’s on me.'

Gideon takes another sip of his beer. "You haven't answered the question." The bottle settles back on the table, and the surgeon fixes him with a scrutinizing look. "I'm not asking if you die out of bad luck. I'm saying imagine a scenario where you change your mind. Where you decide 'to hell with it, I don't want to work for Ms. Lin anymore', and she shoots you point blank in return. Whose fault is it then, Benjamin? Hers or yours?"

[theartinmyheart]

🩵🩵🩵

[bacchuschucklefuck]

but also literally the fact that jack manhattan stands up the hotel gift shop like right after/before she gets mad at liv. Paula baby be an adult. I love to watch them all spiral but i really do hope we get a liv confrontation moment

miss paula "slams screens down laptop style the moment she sees something she doesn't like to confront on them" donvaldson we can one day get there together I believe in you

[sophiethewitch1]

🫶 thanks for responding back! i appreciate all the hard work you’ve planned out for us 🎉 i can’t wait to see more of the darker themes fleshed out at the end of the first part, i will be waiting patiently LOL 👍 in terms of yandere, how bad do you think it will be? what do you have planned in that department?

also i hope you get better soon 😅 please take breaks and certainly take your time!

well ive said that its very mild on the yandere side even later on in the slowburn. its barely yandere more, like... obsession??... at least for the first while. the yandere part is more just there as a warning because I don't want to shock people with the small bit of dark content there will be. i really don't like yanderes that hurt reader (they just don't make sense to me. yandere to me is about having too much love, and you wouldn't hurt someone you loved??) and like,,,, spoiler cut here but like, these are all things that are in the tags/warnings/just information around

i need happy endings. i cant handle even the slightest bit bitter ending it hurts me physically. i am writing a happy ending. it will take grovelling, compromise, and probably fixing the universe but idc. i will uncritically romanticise toxic relationships. i can fix him he can fix me we will fix ourselves for each other. THATS ROMANCE BABEY!!! ITS BEING YOUR BEST SELF BECAUSE YOU LOVE SOMEONE!!! AND YANDERE IS ABOUT LOVE. ITS ABOUT LOVE!!!! ALWAYS LVOE!!!!

[lpsgirl109]

Strange thinking about the ways people have hurt you that they never apologized for when it's been like eons since those moments happened. Like should I still be angry about it or should I just let it go. Thoughts with Peg at 1 am. I need to sleep.

[talentforlying]

i've got stuff to do tonight but i am thinking about how it absolutely fucking pains me to see the joy and energy and love of living sapped from constantine's spirit over the initial run of hellblazer. like he goes from this spirited, wisecracking, life-loving, bully-punching, fastidious little guy to a man so disintegrated by decades of grief and being used and never being good enough for anyone that he was willing to be buried alive to serve a cause he didn't even care about. thank god they gave him back some friendly connections and some semblance of hope by the end of "red right hand", because that late-hellblazer constantine was utterly unrecognizable and it broke my heart.

[weather-entity]

yknow that feeling where everything that's going wrong in your life isn't directly your fault but it's all connected to you so its indirectly your fault and you're just caught in the middle of it all in order to not upset everyone even more. Yeah. that's how im felling right now

[dirt-str1der]

Love characterising nishikiyama as a booze hound drug hound meth addict high every day body mass 75% alcohol hands constantly shaking literally spacing out while driving fifty over the speed limit using elderly folk as speedbumps one hand on the wheel and one hand free to do more drugs and coming into work while functionally deaf and blind and he is still leagues more competent at his job than kiryu

[birt-art]

There's some great Elden Ring lore videos but where's my two hour long queer reading of Elden Ring you cowards !!

[championsofthegate]

//I know it would be extra coding and stuff but they should let me use the female body type but have a flat chest, as a treat lmao

[irlnikeiyomiuri]

i wanted to yell about how evil trying to get into college is but i just genuinely do not have the words for how dismal this is