#And I kind of feel like I'm throwing away our friendship but I'm also realising that maybe she wasn't such a good friend to begin with

[helloalycia]

teenage dirtbag [three] // wanda maximoff

summary: Wanda's boyfriend continues to be an aggravation in your life, causing some distance between you and Wanda

warning/s: none

author's note: i really appreciate the feedback you guys gave in the last part – it’s always motivating to read your reactions/comments 🥰

part one | part two | part four | part five | masterlist | wattpad

Sorting things out with Wanda made everything return to normal in no time. So much in fact that she decided I was worth inviting to her and her brother's birthday party.

Never in a million years did I expect the most popular girl in our grade to know who I was, let alone invite me to her birthday party, so to say I was surprised was an understatement.

"It's not a big deal if you can't make it," she said when she handed me the invitation in class. "I mean, I'd love it if you could, but yeah, no pressure."

I was in awe, accepting the invite and reading it quickly. It must have been a pretty expensive party if she was giving out special invites, that's for sure.

"You want me to come?" I asked, still unsure whether this was a joke or not.

"Only if you want to," she said quickly, eyes darting around the room and anywhere but at me. "Like I said, you don't have to. It's not a big deal and– I– yeah." She pressed her lips together and stopped rambling, offering me a small smile.

"Thanks," I said quietly, slotting the invite in my notebook. "I'll, er, I'll think about it."

She pushed a strand of hair behind her ear and faced forward, nodding. "Yeah, sure, no rush."

After that awkward conversation, I discovered she'd also invited Y/BF/N, the two of them developing a little friendship the more she'd hung out with me. He didn't mind going, but only wanted to do so if I went.

"I feel like I kinda don't wanna go," I admitted to him after school as we were studying in the library.

"Oh?" He rose an eyebrow. "And why's that?"

I played with the pencil in my hand. "I don't know, it's just– it's gonna be full of all of her other friends. And they don't really like me. Plus, her dick of a boyfriend is gonna be there. I just think she might have invited me to be nice. Like she might have felt like she had to because we sit together, y'know?"

"I think you know that isn't true," he said knowingly. "Maybe, just maybe, she actually wants us there, wants you there, to celebrate her birthday."

I chewed the inside of my mouth, giving it some thought. But the idea of going to Wanda's house party and seeing a bunch of people I didn't care about getting pissed wasn't comforting. Besides, even if I went, I'd probably see Wanda once before she'd get scooped away by Nate. What was the point?

"Nah, I don't think I'm going," I decided. "She won't notice. I'll just get her a present instead."

Y/BF/N sighed, clearly not impressed with my answer. Nonetheless, he said, "Okay, suit yourself."

"You can go if you want," I added, knowing his presence wasn't linked with mine.

"No Y/N, no party," he said with a dismissive shrug, and I couldn't help but smile.

"Such a good friend," I said teasingly, but there was truth to my words. And I knew he knew that. 

When I saw photos and videos of Wanda and Pietro's party all over my social media the day after, I knew I'd made the right choice in not going. It was the same visuals of everyone getting drunk, doing stupid shit and making a mess. Call me a loser, but that wasn't really my scene. Pietro and Wanda both seemed to enjoy it though, judging from the pictures.

Instead, I bought her a birthday present, knowing I didn't have to but I kind of wanted to, and planned to give it to her when she turned up to class. It was her birthday today, despite throwing the party over the weekend, so I hoped it would make up for my absence (thought I doubted she noticed).

She showed up and settled beside me as I was writing the date in my notebook, making me look up to see she'd made an extra effort to dress up for her birthday, looking fancier than usual. I couldn't help but smile at the giant '18' birthday badge pinned to her jacket.

"Happy birthday, Wanda," was the first thing I said when I saw her. "You look amazing."

A bashful smile appeared on her lips. "Thank you, Y/N."

"I hope your party went well," I said, giving her my full attention whilst trying not to drool over how beautiful she looked.

Surprisingly, her smile faded and her eyebrows knitted together. "Yeah, it did... could you not make it? I tried looking for you and– yeah..."

I opened my mouth to speak, admittedly a little embarrassed that she'd caught me out. I was sure she wouldn't notice – the pictures made it seem like there were loads of guests, I'd definitely have blended in if I were there – but clearly I was mistaken.

"I just thought–" she began, before shaking her head. "Never mind."

"Sorry, I thought–" I started, but like her, didn't know what to say. "Parties aren't my thing," I admitted truthfully. "But it looked fun. You enjoyed it, right?"

She nodded, a small forced smile on her lips. "Yeah, right. It's cool. No biggie."

I swallowed awkwardly. It seemed like a biggie and now I felt bad.

"I, er, got you a gift," I blurted, hoping to change the subject. Reaching into my backpack, I pulled out the terribly wrapped present and held it out nervously. "I hope you, er, like it."

Her eyebrows raised as her eyes flickered between the present and I. "Oh? You didn't have to. I wasn't expecting anything."

Was it hot in here or was it just me?

I pulled my collar away from my neck, hoping to circulate some air. "I wanted to. It's not a big deal."

She accepted the gift, fingers brushing mine and making me even more nervous, before opening it up. Her eyes sparkled with delight as she revealed a brand new leather paintbrush carry case.

"The one you always carry around is tattered and falling apart, so I thought I'd get you a new one," I explained, feeling like I had to. "I mean, unless the other one has some sort of sentimental value, then in that case, I can just return this."

"Are you kidding? I love it!" she exclaimed, looking to me with a grin. "It's beautiful, Y/N. I don't even know what else to say."

My shoulders relaxed, a relieved smile tugging at my lips. "Good. Th-that's good. I'm glad you like it."

Without warning, she moved forward off her stool and wrapped her arms around my shoulders, pulling me in for a hug. I was startled, unable to think straight with her body pressed so close to mine and her floral perfume wafting into my nose. Why did she have to smell so good?

"Thank you," she muttered, pulling away but not quite letting go. Her eyes were glowing as they watched me carefully, accompanying her weak-in-the-knees smile. I was sure I'd melt. "It means a lot."

I nodded, not trusting myself to speak for fear I'd say something stupid. I resisted the urge to look down at her lips, which were pulled into a small, appreciative smile. She let go of me, looking to the case again and unravelling it. I caught my breath meanwhile, my senses still on override as her perfume lingered.

She was just so damn beautiful.

—

"Okay, how about this – robotic or organic aliens. Which would you rather invade our planet?" Y/BF/N asked.

I chuckled at his question. "Definitely haven't thought about that one, but let's see..."

We were hanging in the bleachers out near the football field as we waited for football practice to end. Y/BF/N had a Film project to do and needed to film the field, so I offered to help like the good friend I was.

"Probably organic," I answered as I balanced on the bleachers, standing up and tiptoeing down them like steps. "At least we could reason with them if they tried to kill us because they'd have a conscience. Robotic aliens would just be programmed to take over and that's it."

Y/BF/N seemed against the idea as he played with his camera. "Yeah, but if they were robotic, all we'd have to do is launch a missile at them and they'd explode. You can break metal. It's harder to break organic matter."

I stifled a laugh. "You've given this much thought, I see."

He gave me a knowing look. "You telling me you don't think aliens exist?"

I stopped tiptoeing and stood still as I looked down at him with humoured eyes. "You know I know aliens exist."

He waved his hand like that was enough reasoning. "There you go then!"

I laughed, wondering how he thought of this stuff, then continued to balance as I walked down the bleachers. Probably the wrong choice as when I heard a voice call me, I looked up, saw it was Wanda, then proceeded to miss a step and fall onto my arse.

"Oh God, Y/N, are you okay?" she asked, moving forward to help me.

My face heated up as Y/BF/N laughed his arse off beside me. I accepted Wanda's hand and let her pull me up, before letting go immediately when I could handle it myself. Her presence always made me nervous, but this was just terrible.

"Yeah, I'm good," I said, glancing at her and freezing at her piercing gaze and suppressed smile.

"You sure?" she asked, glancing at Y/BF/N, before trying to hide her own laughter.

Fuck me, why was I such a mess whenever she was around?

"Very sure," I said, though my back began to ache from where I hit it. "What's up, anyway?"

Y/BF/N finally shut up, to my relief, and Wanda minimised her laughter before scratching her head.

"I'm waiting for practice to end so I can take Pietro home," she said, nodding to the field. "I saw you both sat here and thought I'd say hi. Are you guys watching practice?"

"Not really," I answered, before tilting my head to Y/BF/N. "We're just waiting for it to end so Y/BF/N can film for his project."

"Ooh, that sounds interesting," she said, intrigued and looking to him now. "What's that about?"

As he caught her up on it, I found myself checking Wanda out without realising. She was animated as she listened to Y/BF/N talk about his assignment, eyes giving him all of her attention, and a permanent smile was fixed on her lips as she listened to him. Though it wasn't directed at me, I felt butterflies swirling a storm in my stomach and clutched it, hoping they'd go away. I loved and hated the feeling all at once.

Breaking me from my reverie, a football flew past all three of us and hit the bleachers, startling us all. We looked in the direction it came from and saw the football team looking back at us, some laughing and some disgruntled. Two players ran towards us and when they got close enough, I made them out as Pietro and Nate.

Nate was laughing as he looked between us all, before his gaze fell on me. "It's Y/N, right? I feel like I'm always throwing that thing at you. Sorry about that."

But his constant laughing and lack of guilt refuted his words. I merely clenched my jaw and narrowed my eyes his way, not that he seemed to care nor notice. I was a mere fly in a world that revolved around him. He'd never notice.

"Babe, I'm sorry, I didn't even know you were over here," he added, looking to Wanda. "You okay?"

Wanda crossed her arms and seemed frustrated. "I'm fine, Nate. Just get your ball."

He shrugged and grabbed his ball. Before leaving, he pressed a kiss to Wanda's cheek which made me wince, but she made no attempt in enjoying it. He didn't seem to care as he took off running back to his team. Pietro smiled apologetically at the three of us.

"I'm sorry," he said genuinely. "He can be such a dick sometimes."

That was the understatement of the century.

With that, he turned and ran back to his team to finish up. Wanda sighed, running a hand through her hair, as Y/BF/N and I exchanged glances.

"I should get the car running," she said awkwardly, pointing a thumb over her shoulder and towards the car park. "Good luck with your assignment, Y/BF/N. And I'll see you tomorrow, Y/N."

Waving goodbye with an awkward smile, I watched her leave and wondered the same thing I always did whenever Nate decided to make an appearance in my life.

How could she be dating such a dick?

—

Apart from the birthday party I didn't go to, I'd never been invited (or had a reason to go) to Wanda's house. I'd seen it, rode my bike past it, but never actually been in it. So, when she invited me to her place to work on a project we'd been assigned in class, I was unsure how to feel. She was adamant though and I had no reason to say no, so the only thing left to do was say yes. Even when she offered to drive me there after school.

"This is your car?" I asked with disbelief.

I knew absolutely nothing about cars, but I wasn't blind. Hers was a gorgeous deep red colour with a convertible roof that was currently lowered so anyone in it would feel the sun on their back and wind in their hair.

"Yeah, you like it?" she asked as she got into the driver's seat.

I gulped and sat in the passenger's seat, throwing my backpack at my feet. "It's so nice. You sure you don't mind me drinking in this?"

I had a Pepsi bottle in my hand and was deathly afraid of opening it now in case I spilt it and the cleaning bill would be more than I made in a year at the pizza parlour.

She laughed, already pulling out of the car park. "Of course. Don't be silly."

I glanced in her direction, trying not to get distracted by how good she looked in the driver's seat. She was wearing a red leather jacket, funnily enough, matching the exterior of her car, and she had dark eyeliner around her eyes, accentuating the shape and colour of them and leaving me speechless whenever she looked my way.

"There's CDs in the glove compartment," she was saying as she focused on the road. "Or you can mess around with the radio. It's up to you."

"CDs?" I asked, it piquing my interest. I reached into the glove compartment, adding, "What is this, the 2000s?"

She rolled her eyes playfully, accepting my teasing, as I flicked through the small stack of albums.

"I don't know, I guess I just like having the physical version," she said with a shrug. "It's kind of like a collection."

I chuckled at her need to explain herself, watching the way she rubbed her neck nervously, smiling with embarrassment. Looking back to the albums, a particular one grabbed my attention and I plucked it out with raised brows.

"Oh my God, you like Paramore?" I asked, looking to her with surprise. "Now it's definitely the 2000s."

Her cheeks flushed as she grew flustered. I nudged her in the side gently, getting her attention briefly.

"I'm kidding," I reassured, tilting my head her way playfully. "I actually love Paramore. They're my favourite band."

"Really?" she asked with surprise as I put the CD in her car. I hummed in response, to which she continued, "Have you ever seen them live?"

As For a Pessimist, I'm Pretty Optimistic played quietly in the background, I nodded my head. "Yeah, once. It was a few years ago, but the tickets were shitty and I could just about make them out on stage in the distance."

Wanda laughed, the sound making my heart skip a beat. "No, that's so sad!"

I chuckled in agreement. "Yeah. It was, but oh well. They have a tour coming up this summer, right? Maybe I can get better tickets this time 'round... what about you? Have you ever seen them live?"

She hummed, making a turn at some traffic lights and chewing her lower lip as she focused on doing so. It was definitely the wrong time, but I found myself admiring how attractive it was, especially when her jaw tensed and her defined jawline was on display.

"Yeah, I saw them a few times," she finally responded, pulling me from my stupor. "Some really good seats, some really shitty ones." She giggled at the end, making me smile. "Maybe we could go to that concert in the summer. If you're up for it?"

This seemed like one of those times where you made plans with a friend that you knew would never happen, so to not cause an awkwardness in the conversation, I nodded in agreement.

"Yeah, maybe."

She glanced at me and I mirrored her smile, the flash of excitement in her eyes knocking me breathless.

When we reached her house, I was awestruck at how big it was from the inside. I mean, it looked huge from the outside, but the inside was even better. Her family were rich, I knew that, but this was some other level of rich.

"Here, c'mon, I'll get you a drink, then we can go into the dining room to start," Wanda said, failing to recognise my amazement and instead leading me to the kitchen. "We have tropical juice, apple juice, water, Sprite, Cola... which d'you want?"

I settled at the island, taking a seat and subtly admiring her kitchen. "Er, apple juice is fine with me."

She smiled brightly before pouring me a glass, whilst pouring herself some Sprite. Standing opposite me, we both took a moment to have a drink, but didn't get chance to exchange words as her mum entered the room and noticed me instantly.

"Y/N, it's so lovely to see you again!" she said kindly, patting me on the shoulder before heading to the fridge. "You girls hanging out? Studying?"

"We have a project," Wanda filled in as I nodded in agreement. "We alright to claim the dining room?"

After grabbing some water from the fridge, Wanda's mum pressed a kiss to her daughter's cheek. "Sure thing, sweetie. If you need anything, just let me know." Smiling once more at me, she said, "It's good to see you, Y/N."

"You too," I said with a friendly smile before she left.

"Come on," Wanda said, motioning for me to follow. "We have tons to do."

The next hour and a half was spent with Wanda and I planning out our project, our work sprawled along the dining table messily. We were making progress, until she got a call suddenly. It seemed serious as she gave me an apologetic glance and excused herself. I let her go and leaned back in my seat, wondering what I could do as I waited for her to return. That thought was resolved quite quickly when Pietro popped his head in the doorway and spotted me.

"Y/N! What an honour to welcome you to our humble abode," he exclaimed, entering the room fully. "What brings you here?"

Pietro's presence always brought an amused smile to my lips. "Wanda and I are working on a Chemistry project. She's just nipped out for a phone call."

He tutted dramatically, crossing his arms. "Well, well, well. We can't have that! Wanda needs to learn to entertain her guests. C'mon. I was about to head to the gaming room and could use the company."

I was visibly surprised. "You have a gaming room? Dude, that's awesome!"

He laughed. "C'mon."

Joining Pietro, the two of us headed to this so-called gaming room and I was not disappointed. There was a huge TV with a PlayStation and Nintendo Switch connected to it, a snooker table, a foosball table, a dart board, some old arcade games – it was amazing, any gamer's biggest dream.

"What you feeling, princess?" he said with that flirtatious smile of his.

I rolled my eyes playfully. He was being overtly flirty, more so than his sister was – was it a Maximoff personality trait or something? – and I wasn't sure whether he meant it or was just being his usual self.

"Are you flirting?" I deadpanned, tilting my head curiously. "I can't tell."

He pocketed his hands, swinging back on the heels of his feet. "That depends. Is it working?"

Despite my lack of interest in him like that, I felt my face heat up at the attention. "Pietro, I must tell you that any moves you attempt to make kind of won't work."

"And why's that?" he asked, sitting on the edge of the snooker table with a cheeky smile on his lips. "Am I not your type?"

"Unless you change into a girl, then no," I played along, making him flush with embarrassment. "Hate to break it to you, but I'm gay."

"Okay, I guess that makes sense," he mumbled to himself, before sighing and meeting my eyes. "We can still be friends, right? Or is that forbidden since you're already friends with my sister?"

I laughed and approached him. "Friends works. I don't think Wanda will care. I certainly don't."

He grinned. "Awesome! Well, d'you wanna play a round of foosball?"

"Sure," I said with an amused expression. "Bet I can kick your arse."

He pushed himself off the table and feigned surprise. "Oh? Game on, Y/L/N."

I didn't realise how long Wanda had been on the phone until I managed to get through three rounds of foosball and was in the middle of a snooker game with Pietro.

"You may have beat me at foosball, but you're terrible at this," he pointed out with stifled laughter.

I'd missed my third shot and it was more funny than it was embarrassing.

"Your talking distracts me," I said dismissively, before lining up the next shot with my cue.

He watched as I tried to take my shot before sighing loudly. I glanced at him with a quirked brow.

"You have a thought you'd like to share?" I asked playfully.

He hesitated, moving forward to correct my posture. "Look, if you just aim it like this–"

"Don't even think about it, Romeo," I said jokingly, standing up straight and pushing him away gently. "I know what you're thinking."

He laughed. "What? I was just going to help you aim!"

I gave him a knowing look. "So holding me close is just a bonus?"

"Fine, take your shot without my help and see what happens," he said dismissively, waving his hand.

"I'll do just that," I said with confidence, before bending down and taking my shot. The ball hit the other and neither were pocketed, which was an achievement as I'd got the cue ball in several times before, but still pretty shit as I didn't score any points.

Pietro smiled with satisfaction, leaning on his cue. "You happy with that?"

I held in a laugh as I looked to him. "Shut up."

He chuckled before bumping me out the way. "Now for the professional."

Bending down to take his shot, he pulled back his cue before hitting the balls. They rolled around on the table and one ball was about to go in, but I quickly grabbed it before he could get the point.

"Y/N!" he shouted between laughter. "That's cheating!"

"Technically we didn't establish rules," I pointed out, before moving backwards as he tried to grab it from my hand. "What do you say to calling it a draw and playing something else?"

"I say that's a childish way to admit you've lost," he responded, before moving forward quickly. I dodged his attempt and he pursed his lips. "Y/N."

"Pietro."

He smirked. "Seriously?"

I grinned.

He tried to grab it again and ended up chasing me around the room as I avoided giving in. Taking the piss out of Y/BF/N enough times had prepared me for moments like this, so I was able to avoid Pietro long enough to run into whoever walked through the door.

"Shit, Wanda, I'm sorry," I said between laughter, steadying both me and her.

She smiled with confusion, about to speak, but Pietro caught up to me and lifted me up, throwing me onto the couch before I could protest.

"No more cheating," he said sternly, as I lifted my head from the pile of cushions on the couch to look up at him.

"You're an arse," I said, pushing myself up off the couch.

"And you're a sore loser!"

We had a mini staring competition before the two of erupted into laughter.

"You're not half bad, Pietro," I complimented as he helped me up.

"Thank you, princess," he said, the flirtatious smile on his lips again.

I shoved him in the shoulder playfully before looking to Wanda, who was chewing on her lip as she looked between Pietro and I with an unreadable expression.

"So, what prompted you to leave Y/N alone for an hour?" Pietro asked, wrapping an arm around my shoulder, making me shove him away. He grinned at me before looking to Wanda.

"Nate called," Wanda responded carefully, arms crossed as she continued to look between us. God, I hoped she didn't think Pietro and I liked each other. That would be embarrassing.

Pietro scoffed from beside me, making Wanda sigh with annoyance.

"Don't start, Piet," she said and gave him a look which he seemed to understand.

By the sounds of it, Pietro didn't seem to like Wanda's dick of a boyfriend either. That was strange since wasn't impressing the brother the first part of being in a relationship with someone? And they were on the same football team, so I figured he'd at least tolerate him.

"Are we alright to get back to studying?" Wanda asked, directing her stare to me. The annoyance she held for Pietro was still present in her eyes and I suddenly felt nervous when she looked my way.

"Yeah, of course," I said, before giving Pietro a half-smile. "Rematch at snooker next time. Sound good?"

"Try to keep the balls on the table and we'll see," he teased, before nodding to Wanda. "You should get back to your project before Wanda kills us both with her deadly glare."

I smiled awkwardly, looking back to Wanda as she was indeed glaring at her brother. Clearly there was some sibling rivalry going on here, and I definitely didn't want to get in the middle of it, so I headed to Wanda, signalling I was ready to leave.

The two of us headed back to the dining room in an uncomfortable silence. I felt like I'd done something wrong and she was giving me the silent treatment which was strange. Then I figured it was probably something with Nate that made her annoyed, so didn't question it too much.

We sat back down and I looked at what we'd done so far to try and pick up where we left off, but then she spoke out of the blue, taking me by surprise.

"Do you like my brother?"

It was so abrupt that I took a moment to acknowledge it, blinking. "What?"

"Pietro," she clarified, saying it with such dismissiveness like it wasn't a big deal. Her attention was on the books before us as she continued, "Do you like him?"

I tried not to laugh as I shook my head. "No, Wanda. I mean, don't get me wrong, he's a great guy. But yeah, no, I don't like him like that."

She chewed her lip, nodding, but I swear I saw a hint of a smile on her lips. I hoped it wasn't the thought of Pietro and I that made her annoyed. I wasn't that bad, was I? I know she cared about her brother and was probably overprotective, but me being his girlfriend couldn't have been that bad, right?

We got back to work in no time, getting a lot done. I didn't realise how late it was getting until Wanda's mum poked her head in, asking if I wanted to stay for dinner.

"Dinner?" I asked, eyebrows raising with surprise. I checked my watch and realised how long I'd been here. "Damn, maybe I should head back."

"Nonsense, you must stay," her mum insisted. "Y/M/N won't mind. A daughter of hers is a daughter of mine."

"You can even sleepover if you want," Wanda offered, and I almost choked on my own spit. "It's getting pretty late."

I shook my head, forcing a small smile so they wouldn't get offended. "Honestly, it's fine. I can head back."

"Please?" Wanda asked with a hopeful expression. "It's the least I can do. I kinda wasted your time for an hour earlier..."

"I should ask my mum," I said, chewing on the inside of my mouth.

"Oh, I'll ring and let her know," Wanda's mum said breezily, before looking to Wanda. "D'you think you can clear your things up? Your brother is gonna set the table."

"Sure, mum." Wanda smiled her way as she left, before looking to me. "I've got clothes and a spare toothbrush you can use tonight."

I smiled awkwardly, nodding. Sleeping over at my crush's house wasn't how I thought I'd be spending my Wednesday evening, yet here we were.

[bondsmagii]

Miceál, my brother has become an incel... He used to be such a smart and, deep down, sweet boy, but now all he does is play lol. He almost never leaves is room, he doesn't shower, doesn't wash his clothes, doesn't ventilate his room, all of that makes him smell like a death animal. He survives off coca cola, fries and burgers and vent his anger by harassing women and minorities. I suspect the reason he is the way he is now is because of some traumatizing events during our childhood, I guess the way he coped was playing online game to forget about everything. My parents no longer give a crap about what is he gonna do once he becomes a legal adult, but I'm personally deeply worried about him. After all, I kind of understand that after all, he's just a 16 year old who didn't get the emotional support he needed. Do you have any advice on how can I help him realize that his lifestyle is not healthy at all? He won't listen to me (nor anyone else, really), whenever I try talking to him he just tells me to fuck off and leave him the fuck alone. Sorry for bothering with such things, but when it comes to this type of stuff you seem to give good advice.

honestly, this is the worst situation I can imagine when it comes to ideology and people you care about. unfortunately the only tips I have are time consuming and often unsuccessful -- with this kind of thing, the person has to consent to helping themselves, too. if they refuse, there's not really anything that can be done.

unfortunately I'm speaking from experience. a short while ago I had a friend I was close to and who I'd known for two years. one day, totally out of the blue, she told me she felt we were close enough that I would "understand", and that she didn't think I would judge her because I was so "open-minded", and a bunch of other compliments that she laid on thick before telling me she was a TERF. her own words. she was a straight-up TERF, ran a discourse blog full of TERF shit, had an entire group of friends who were TERFs... it was a mess. at first I talked to her about it, and similarly to your brother she had been through a lot of trauma when she was younger, relating to her sexuality and gender presentation. it had forced her into making changes to her body that she regretted and was in the process of reversing. she was angry and bitter, and rightly so, but again like your brother she was misdirecting her anger towards those who didn't deserve it rather than the system that allowed it all to happen in the first place. at first it was promising, and she really did seem to realise what she was doing wasn't the right way to go and made some real progress in moving away from the circles... but then a few months later she was back into it again, sending me link upon link to "proof" and trying to persuade me that she was right. at that point I broke off the friendship and stopped contact with her.

I'm sorry this doesn't have a happy ending, but unfortunately these groups -- TERFS, incels, Nazis, etc -- are very good at targeting the vulnerable and telling them exactly what they want to hear: it's not their fault, all the shit that's happened to them and the pain and resentment they feel. it's the fault of whatever minority or group they want to target, be it women, trans people, immigrants, Jewish people, whatever. it's an attractive concept for these people because it means it's not their fault and there's a cause they can rally behind to make things Right. these groups are also very good at indoctrination, building up slowly and exposing people to the really nasty stuff when they're ready to accept it. it is a form of grooming, and it's so slow-burning and insidious that we often don't notice until it's too late. the left is also catastrophically bad at recruiting and maintaining activism because of the purity culture and the constant infighting; a lot of the jokes the alt-right make about the left are completely true. to somebody like your brother, the incel community is organised, saying what he wants to hear, and the political altnerative is a bunch of weirdos shouting at one another about children's cartoons. it's a no-brainer. he feels powerful and enlightened, which is a very attractive thing for someone who is, at root, a traumatised child.

the best thing you can do at this point, I think, is try to separate him from as much of this input as possible. you'll have to work slow, and subtle, but the more time he's away from this indoctrinating information the more likely it'll be that phase two is successful: beginning to essentially reeducate him. to do this, you need to find common ground and validate it, and then slowly turn his annoyance and opinions around to the real cause of it. it takes time and has little chance of succeeding, but unless he decides to throw it in on his own, it's his only chance.

he's still young, and while he's living at home his potential to cause harm is thankfully at least somewhat contained. be patient, work subtly, give him other options. try to keep him away from his incel friends, distract him with things that keep him busy and give him a sense of real accomplishment and satisfaction. build up his confidence, compliment him when he does something worth admiring, and try to avoid outright conflict. remember: common ground, and then gradual education. at the end of the day only he can make the final call, but these communities rely on total isolation so that even if somebody wants to get out, they've burned all their bridges and realise they can't -- they'll have nobody left. for as long as you're able, emotionally and morally, keep that bridge open for him. even having just one person to fall back on might be enough for somebody to find the courage to leave one of these cults.

[awedbynature]

A Christmas Debt

Characters: Loki x Reader

Category: Chaptered Story

Genre: Romance/ Friendship/ Love

Synopsis: The reader renders a great service to Loki unknowingly. Not used to being in anyone's debt, our favourite God of Mischief offers a strange favour in return. Will the reader trust him enough to take up the offer?

Previous Chapters: Chapter One

P. C. Pinterest

A/N: Thor's story, as recounted by Loki in this chapter, is an actual tale recorded in the Norse Mythology.

Also,

There's kind of a gift hidden within the chapter. Click the coloured text below to find out!

______________________Loki_____________________

Chapter Two

'He did what?’

You try to shush Natasha the best you can. She is incredulous at the news. ‘Y/N, this is Loki. He has a million wiles. I don’t want you falling victim to any one of them.’

‘I know,' you sigh. ‘But it is such a tempting offer.’

Nat rolls her eyes. She has never fully trusted Loki, not even after all the missions they have served together. Loki had been vital to some of the crucial operations the Avengers have been to, and most of them have given him their grudging trust. Not her. But that’s how she is.

You take another sip of coffee. It’s almost midnight and most of the others are lounging around, stuffed with cookies and fudges and in most cases some amount of Tony's prized liquor collection. Loki is not there. Probably in his room.

Just as you're taking another sip, savouring the aroma of the richly baked beans, Wanda saunters up to the counter. She is new to all this but looks like she’s enjoying every bit of it. Wanda is closer to you in age than Pepper and Natasha. She is more like a best friend to you than a sister, unlike Nat and Pepper.

She pours herself a cup of coffee and casually throws a hand around your waist, leaning against the counter and taking in the scene before her.

‘I saw Loki go after you,' she frowns. ‘What was that about?’

At your nod, Nat tells her everything.

Her eyes widen at the mention of the offer. ‘Did he really say that?!’

You nod wearily.

Wanda puts down her cup with a decisive thump and turns to you. ‘Well, I, for one, am totally in for it!’

'Really?!’ you can see Nat rolling her eyes again.

‘Of course,' continues Wanda. ‘What’s the harm? You don’t have to worry about your siblings ribbing you at dinner anymore! Isn’t that a huge plus?’

'B-but what if they ask for details? How we met and all?’

‘Then you make up some shit. Tell them you two met on a mission, or something. It’s not like you’ve to lie to them forever. It’s just one day!’

You heave a sigh, torn between taking up and declining the offer. But the prospect of being made the butt of jokes at the dinner table holds less appeal than blatant lying on your part. In the end, Wanda wins. You give a tiny nod of acquiescence.

‘I don’t like the idea,' Nat grumbles.

Wanda huffs, rolling her eyes. ‘She’s going to be fine. Now c’mon and show me what you’re going to wear tomorrow. We need to work on that first.’

You let her drag you off to your room, all the while thinking how best to approach Loki without appearing pathetic and pitiable. It’s just for one evening, you convince yourself. After all what do you have to lose?

***

You should not have listened to Wanda. You should not have let your depressed, lonely heart dictate your decisions. With so many things happening last night, you have hardly had a moment to think if you’d be alright with this entire charade. But now, cooped up in the cab and speeding towards a possible disaster, you feel a familiar dread creeping up your limbs and settling in your stomach. All of a sudden, being the object of pity and mild ridicule seems much more bearable. You give an involuntary shiver.

‘Are you alright?’ Loki casts a concerned glance your way.

'Mmhmmm,' you choke out, hugging your arms and giving them a rub.

Loki arches an eyebrow. ‘Pardon me, Ms Y/SN, but you most definitely do not sound alright.’’

'I'm fine.’

You relapse into silence. The cab has left the city and is speeding down a suburban road now.

Your morose thoughts are suddenly interrupted by a chuckle. You turn to find Loki laughing quietly to himself. Somehow the sight of him being so relaxed and graceful irritates you.

‘Do you find this funny?’

‘No. You just suddenly reminded me of my brother,' he says, passing a hand over his face to wipe away the remnants of his grin. ‘I had that feeling of—what do you Midgardians call it—something that seems to have happened before?’

‘Deja vu?’’

'Yes. It was the only time I had seen him nervous. More nervous than a bride on her wedding day. How fitting since he was actually in a wedding dress.’

What!

He chuckles some more, as an image of his hulking brother in a short wedding dress flashes across your eyes. Despite yourself, you snort, feeling the prick of curiosity.

'Why was he dressed as a—’

‘As a bride?’ He finishes for you. ‘It’s a hilarious story.'

‘It begins with my oaf of a brother having his precious Mjollnir stolen from him. Under mysterious circumstances.’ He winks and folds his hands behind his head.

'This happened when we were barely adults but considered ourselves grown up enough to venture out in search of adventures. One day, Thor woke up and found his hammer gone. Thor being Thor, immediately suspected me. Not that I’m saying I stole it. There was not enough evidence and so he discarded the idea eventually. But his hammer was truly gone and he was feeling helpless without it. Fearing the Allfather's wrath, he came to me for a hasty and discreet solution. I used all in my power to locate the hammer. At last we received news that the king of the ogres had stolen it and was demanding Freyja's hand in marriage as ransom.’’

'Who's Freyja?’

‘She is one like us. A goddess. She was considered the most beautiful among the Aesir for her golden hair and her deportment.’ His eyes take a faraway look, perhaps remembering his childhood friend.

'Anyway. So the ogre king was demanding something absolutely impossible for us to grant, yet the stakes were too high. What do we do? We decided to take the advice of the Gatekeeper of the Realm, wise Heimdall. He thought long and hard and decided that someone should dress up as the bride and go and retrieve the hammer. But none were brave enough to volunteer. So it finally fell on Thor to be the bride. ‘But my beard, and my figure!’ he exclaimed incredulously. Nobody heard him, poor thing. They decked him up in the finest bridal clothes and jewellery and wove flowers into his hair and put a veil over his disgruntled face—beard and all. You would not have found a more reluctant bride in the nine realms, nor a more muscular one. I was to dress as his handmaid, but that was not difficult. I could easily shapeshift into a young maid.’

By now, you are wheezing, clutching at the driver’s seat to keep yourself from toppling over. Loki cocks his head, observing you with eyes dancing with mirth, a smirk playing on his lips. He is definitely enjoying telling the story as much as you are enjoying listening to it.

'What happened next?’

'The ogres were foolish enough to believe us. They led us to the wedding banquet where Thor polished off most of the food without any help. His exuberant eating did raise suspicion and quite a few eyebrows but I managed to quell them before it got out of hand.’

'When their king announced that it was time for the wedding, they brought in Mjollnir and placed it in Thor’s lap. And the rest is history. I can assure you, none of the ogres lived long enough to tell the tale.’

Both of you dissolve into hearty chuckles. Loki heaves a sigh and instantly turns serious, ‘Please don’t tell Thor I told you this story. He’ll have my head in a platter if he finds out.’ There is a twinkle in his eyes but his face has gone back to that expressionless mask that all are used to seeing.

'You have my word,’ you reply, suddenly remembering with whom you’ve been acting chummy.

The scene outside is rapidly changing. Clusters of suburban houses and complexes have given way to long stretches of greenery. Which means you’ll be arriving any moment.

With a jolt, you realise that you had completely forgotten about your anxiety and apprehension. You feel more relaxed now, more yourself. Because of Loki. He was looking out for you. He knew you were nervous and wanted to put you at ease.

For the first time, you look at Loki in a different light. He is very much the roguish, evil, beguiling demigod that once almost destroyed an entire city, but somewhere underneath all the barbs and untruths lies a heart that still cares.

'I'm not sure this is a good idea,' you finally voice your anxiety. ‘What if they find out that this is all a lie, a pretence?’

Loki lazily crosses his legs and regards you with a piercing gaze. ‘Ms Y/Sn, perhaps you’re forgetting whom you are with. I have lied our way out of far more life-threatening situations numerous times. Thor lives because of my lies. This is nothing.’

‘What if they ask how we met and our answers do not match! I’ve watched too any sitcoms to know where that’ll lead.’

‘Then tell them the truth.’

‘Of course not! How am I supposed to tell my family that I met my apparent boyfriend after he was captured and imprisoned for masterminding the destruction of a whole city! They would rather watch me die single.’

‘Fine,’ he concedes. ‘Tell them we met during an operation.’

You fiddle with the hem of your dress, not fully convinced. Wanda had insisted on your dressing elegantly, and you had ended up borrowing one of Pepper’s gowns. If anything, it only makes you more nervous. You feel like you’re dressed in borrowed feathers.

‘Don’t fret, alskling,’ he says after some time. ‘The main trick of telling a lie is confidence. People are more likely to believe a bald-faced lie over a stammering truth.’

The cab finally rolls to a stop. Heart in your throat, you look at the familiar house, the neat lawn in front now decked with Christmas decorations, the old whitewashed fence and the ancient sycamore with the tire swing still hanging. Nothing much has changed around here.

‘Allow me,' the soft, crisp words bring you back to the present. You turn to find Loki coming round to your side to hold the door open. His face has taken a softer expression, the perfect look of a man in love and happily so. Slipping in and out of façades comes to him as easily as breathing. No wonder they call him the God of Lies.

He holds out his hand, his lips drawn into a smile. ‘Come, Ms Y/Sn. Let us show them.’

Well, here goes nothing, you take a deep breath, and step out of the cab.

To be continued...

Chapter Three available now

Tags: @lucywrites02 @lilyofthesword @country-cowgirl-101 @benji-booxx @loki-hiddlestoner3024 @outlawangel2020 @thefallenbibliophilequote @idontknowstudios @just-the-hiddles @myraiswack @noturningbacknow @natandersonnla @twhiddlestonsstuff

[bisluthq]

I realise that it's probably not a space to let it all out, but I am feeling a bit hopeless and idk, maybe you might have an advice.

Ekhem

I am considering breaking up with my partner of 10 years. We got together back in high school, so we are still in our mid 20s. All was fine (still is?) but lately I've been feeling... What if we are still together just because it is convenient, also financially? What if we haven't broken up just because I lack the courage to make this step and start everything again? What if the brain growth thing has done its magic and now we are past our formative years and that is why I feel disconnected?

Don't get me wrong - I love him very much, I think he is a fantastic person, I care deeply about him. So I don't know whether we have just hit a crisis that we can still overcome, whether we need a break or whether it is truly beyond saving and we just need to part.

I am scared though that I won't be able to find anybody and loving and accepting as he is. That I will be throwing a good thing away for the promise of what? Some uncertainty, emotional turmoil?

And it is not like we haven't talked about it because we did a while ago and he said that if I truly feel like I want to break up then he hopes we can do so in a most supportive and decent way. I honestly think just for that, I don't deserve his kindness.

I feel so stupid. I don't know what to do. I'm afraid of breaking up but I'm also afraid of staying. Some days I want to marry him, I am planning our wedding, and some other days I imagine what life would be like if we broke up - how I'd cope, where I'd live, what would happen to our flat and all our furniture and whether I will need to rent a studio and go into a house share (yes, I think of those stupid things as well).

Is this how long term adult relationships work? That every day you actively choose whether to stay or leave? That you want in but a part of you also want out, that you are happy but you are not?

I have so many questions that I don't seem to be able to answer, in fact I've been burying my head in the sand because I don't want to face the answers and I am afraid that I will make bad choices.

Really, why havent the scientists invented a sort of machine that would show you the consequences of the possible choices? It would be so much easier to know what I am heading into, because right now I don't.

I can’t tell you what to do but I think trust your gut. I do think an adult relationship is just choosing your person every damn day but the question is like is that your person? And only you can know the answer. I think soul search a bit on what it is you’re looking for outside of him - is it sex? Is it fun? Like are you worried you missed out on stuff because you chose him too early? That’s valid but yes you might regret it. Is it a deeper connection than the one you have? That’s fair but like you can also find that in friendship tbh.

Stay strong and trust yourself. Also I’m usually anti “taking breaks” tbh because it strikes me as unhealthy like either break it off with him or don’t. Although I suppose if it is just that you want to get some other ass it might make sense to open up your relationship for a bit and get that out your system but you’ll also not know how that’ll affect your dynamic going forward.

[hwauas]

🎭: "it was a s.o.s"

song mingi | 송민기 - 2,262 words

the weather was clear. it was a kind of day you enjoyed a lot. you would feel extremely productive during a bright and sunny day. and today wasn't different. as soon as you woke up and went to the window to have a look outside, you felt like you were motivated to go out.

and after your daily morning routine, consisting in eating, your daily skin care, and checking on your emails, you got ready to go out. since it was sunny, you decided to wear something with bright colours, and something you would be comfortable enough to walk in.

     you decided it was the perfect weather to go and walk alongside the sea. places like this were really revitalising for you. it was a perfect moment to be with yourself, alone, to take a break, and to think a little.

     riding your bike up there, you smiled as you felt the sun warming up your back. it was a sweet sensation you couldn't get tried of.

and the sea quickly showed up in front of you. you could hear the sound of the waves. this sound, added to the sun on your back, was making you even more happy to be here.

     you parked your bike, and locked it up to find it again when you would decided to go back home. and as soon as you were on the beach, you removed your shoes to enjoy the sensation. you put them into a little bag you carried with you, and started to walk along the water. the waves sometimes reached your bare feet. feeling the cold water on your skin, the sand sliding in between your toes till the next wave.

it was a perfect moment you were living, enjoying the view.

     but suddenly, as you were walking, something hit your ankle. and as you looked down, you saw a bottle made of glass. a cork was on the top of it, holding back the water to go inside the bottle. and in it, there were papers.

you looked around, not sure about what to do. but you quickly decided to take it before the wave go back and an another wave bring it anywhere else.

     should you read the papers? should you throw the bottle away when you go back home? should you give it to someone? but who? should you, ultimately, put it back in the water?

you were extremely curious about this bottle. you couldn't just throw it away, ignore it and act like if nothing happened. and what if it was your fate to find it, and to open it?

     you keep walking longer, the bottle in your hand, not sure about what to do. you were curious, but had you the right to open it?

deep down, a little voice was whispering to you to open this bottle.

while walking, you were looking down at the bottle in your hands. you could see few elements in it. there was a picture of someone inside this bottle. a guy. and he looked incredibly charismatic.

was he the one who sent this bottle? was he someone absolutely not related to this bottle? or did the sender mentionned him in the letter and put a picture of him too?

and in the bottle, you also could see a jewelry. because of the green colour of the glass, you couldn't see well, but it looked very refined.

     it was enough to increase your curiosity. you stopped walking and went back from the water to sit in the sand. you waste no more time and opened the bottle. you took the letter first, and rolled it out. you could see a beautiful handwriting.

the letter looked extremely long, but you didn't mind at all.

     « well, i guess i have to start the letter now i stained the paper with the ink...

i'm Song Mingi, and today is April, 11th.

i still don't know why i'm doing this. maybe no one will find it. but when Yunho hyung suggested me to do this, i thought it would be funny.

Yunho is my best friend. Jeong Yunho. and i don't know what would have happened without him. i never told him this but.. he saved me.

the truth is that i'm sick. and it's not something new to me. doctors always told me i was on the waiting list, but the donnation i'm waiting for never came yet. but i honestly don't think i will ever have the transplant.

i wanted to give up when i was diagnosed with this disease. but Yunho never let me doing so. he was here, he always have been here. he took me out, he went over, he called me multiple times a day to know if i was good, he always picked up the phone when i was calling him because i felt physically or mentally bad. this is why i'm saying he saved me.

i could live longer than the doctors thought i would. and i then got the chance to live beautiful moments with him. but i honestly think i don't have much time left. doctors think now i'm having about a month left, and i feel like i'm getting weaker day after day. maybe, this time, they're right? and this time, Yunho can't do anything.

i'm honestly devastated just thinking about him having to live a loss like this. he is so devoted as a friend, he is so caring. he can light up everyone's life just with his smile and his puppy eyes. he is reliable and he is loyal.

someone like him shouldn't live something like this. he shouldn't have to face the loss of a friend. but, i can't do anything about that.

he is the one who suggested me to do this letter. because i didn't have time enough to mark the world with my words, my works and my personality.

i always dreamt of being an idol. idols are inspiring people by their works, their words. i wanted to be this idol who will mark the world with my songs. i know, it's very complicated. and even once an idol got to debut, it's still very hard. but i was ready to this. i had something to say, and for as long as the public would have listened to me, i would have said what i had to say.

but since i couldn't, Yunho told me to try and mark someone's life with this bottle. he wanted me to put positiveness in this, to light up someone's life or day. but i don't know how to do that. how am i supposed to put positiveness in a letter when i'm facing the death? when i'm suffering?

i know, maybe you didn't really want to read something written by someone who rants.

give me an another try.

when this bottle will arrive to you, i don't know where i will be. maybe still alive. maybe watching you, from above, reading this. i don't really know. i don't even know if someone will read this.

is there someone? are you still reading?

if yes, i'm not super dexterous with words but i'll try for you: you're beautiful. your hairstyle is amazing. and you're doing great. whether in your personal and professional life. you're doing so great, i'm proud of you. i hope you're chasing your dreams. and if you already did realise your dream, then make an another dream and chase it. don't stop. even if it's tough, even if you're tired of working to achieve this dream and you're not done yet, just keep it up. you're on the right way. and it's never too late to start. do it for me.

i wish you will cross someone's path, someone that will make you happy. either in love or in friendship. someone like Yunho. devoted, caring, loyal, someone you can always lean on. someone that will light up your life.

i also accept to lend you my Yunho, if you don't find someone like that. but you gotta deserve it! i gave you his full name, now you gotta look after him by yourself. but please... if you do meet him, take care of him. he is also very sensitive. i'm not afraid to say he means the world to me. so if you ever hurt him... i'll be very disappointed in you.

he needs a lot of affection. so please, since he is very out-going, don't be afraid to go out with him. and don't be afraid of being clingy with him. he will love it, and he will give it back to you very well by making you happy, and loved. i'm sure you will go along very well, together.

i wish i was still here to meet you too. and i bet we could have been a very nice little squad of three friends.

i can imagine Yunho, you and i, going around the city, laughing, talking about everything, whether it's serious or it's just us being idiots, in our world. we would have go through everything all together. and we would have supported each other no matter what.

but i'll still be by your side. living in his heart, in his mind, in his gaze. and maybe in your mind too.

don't you both dare forget about me! but don't think too much about me neither. enjoy your life. don't waste too much time over a dead person, ok?

you'll find in this bottle a picture of me. and since i'm kind and in the mood to help you... a picture of Yunho. but i also put a bracelet.

it's up to you to wear it. or sell it. or throw it. or just leave it somewhere in your house to keep in mind this bottle, this message, and maybe me, without wearing it everytime.

this bracelet is my favourite. Yunho gifted it to me. i first wanted to keep it, and bring it with me. you know... in my grave. but the design is so beautiful, so refined, i can't give him back a gift he gave me. so i'm choosing you. i know you will take care of it. i believe in you already. i know you'll take the right decision.

honestly, i'm starting to run out of idea. i don't know what to say anymore. and you're probably not reading anymore. but maybe i'm wrong?

if i'm wrong, i wish you the best. to whoever you are, i'll protect you from above, i promise.

take care of yourself. be the better version of yourself.

and let's be friends in an another life.

sincerely,

your friend,

Song Mingi. »

     as your eyes were reading all his words, you spotted few tear stains here and there. and they weren't made of your tears. even though you cried too, you wiped away each one of your tears with the back of your hand. his letter was very touching, and it looks that even for him, it was touching.

you put the pages back in the bottle after you took out the pictures and the bracelet. you put it around your wrist, promising yourself you won't never remove it. you looked at both pictures. Mingi wrote his name on his, and Yunho's name on his picture. they both were charismatic, and stunning. you couldn't believe they were living such a fatality...

     you looked up to the sea, the pictures in your hands. this letter touched you. and you were ready to fight for your dreams. you had to do it for Mingi. you didn't know him — and you were sad about it — but for him, for his dream he hadn't realised, you had to do it. it was your new goal.

     “i won't disappoint you Mingi. i'll show you you did right when you sent this bottle. and i'll show you you can believe in me. i hope you're not suffering...”

your eyes were fixed on the line between the sea and the sky, far, so far away. and at this moment, a breeze stroked your face softly. was it a sign from Mingi? anyways, you knew deep inside you he heard you.

“i heard you, Mingi. i heard your message. i will take care of Yunho for you. untill we meet each other in an another life. maybe i can't save you... but i can save him. and i will do whatever it takes to make him happy. wait for us, Mingi.”

you looked down to his picture of him, and it felt like your heart broke into million pieces. you slowly stroked the picture, on his cheek.

“you did great, too. i'm proud of you.”

     you put everything back into the bottle, besides the bracelet of course, and put the cork back. you put the bottle in your back, and took out your phone. you had to look after this Yunho now. and as you were walking back to your bike, you were searching for him on internet, and on various social networks.

the question to know what you would say to him didn't even cross your mind when you find his profile, and clicked on the button to start a conversation. it was obvious to you:

« i found Mingi's bottle this morning. i'm Kim y/n. » and with this text, you sent him a picture of your wrist with the bracelet.

his response, which was quick, got your tears falling again:

« he passed away this morning. i guess he waited for you to read the message to know he could go peacefully. »

[one-boring-person]

You're Back!

The Lost Boys x reader

Warnings: vague mentions of death

Context: This is supposed to be a kind of crossover between Top Gun and The Lost Boys (because they are my favourite films) but it is only minorly so. The reader is a naval fighter pilot who is good friends with the boys and spends most of her free time in Santa Carla with them.

A/N: This hasn't turned out too well, because I'm ridiculously sleep deprived tired, so I will revisit it at some point, whether to rewrite it completely or to add to it, I'm not sure, but I will improve it. For now, I hope this is acceptable.💛😊

**contains some spoilers for Top Gun, but only vague ones**

Masterlist

I roll my eyes as yet another person stares at me as they pass, keeping eye contact with them until they stop looking, turning their gaze away awkwardly, carrying on with their night without watching me for the entirety of it. By now, I've had to sit through about a score of curious people in the last two hours, my tolerance for them quickly wearing thin as they continue to eye the uniformed stranger leaning against a motorcycle. Chewing on my lip, a habit I've never managed to kick, I carefully roll up the sleeves of my military uniform shirt, careful not to crease it too much, even though I will likely iron it before I wear it again, the hard-learnt instincts reminding me to stay smart and neat, even if I'm currently not in the presence of any commanders I need to report to.

In the stifling heat, my shirt sticks to my skin a bit, sweat coating my brow as I watch the crowd, my hair starting to become less styled and more dishevelled with each passing minute, the journey from the aircraft carrier I was deployed at to the airport in Miramar, followed by the gruelling motorcycle ride down to Santa Carla having that effect in me. I didn't have time to stop off anywhere on the way to get changed into my own clothes, seeing as I wanted to get to the little seaside town before sundown, choosing instead to stay in my uncomfortable uniform, knowing it may well curry me some favours here and there along the way - bartenders are only too happy to serve a member of the naval air force, especially a Top Gun graduate. Absentmindedly I feel my lips quirk up into a smile, recalling the time my friend, Pete "Maverick" Mitchell, used this fact to his advantage when in Miramar, charming a poor waitress into giving us all free food and drinks, though I'm pretty sure he promised her something in return, something which kept him out of the bunk rooms that night. Ironically, he never used that trick again.

Shaking my head, I cast my gaze over the crowd again, searching for a particular group of people, a sense of excitement rising in me when I hear the tell tale sound of their motorcycles cutting through the horde of people, my eyes swiftly finding the approaching people as they park their vehicles a little way away from me. Making a split second decision, I choose to stay by my own bike, waiting for them to either notice me, or walk past, a small smirk plastered across my lips, my eyes fixed on them: David, Dwayne, Paul and Marko.

Eventually, they push off their bikes and start making their way through the crowd, having missed my presence completely, the four of them easily moving amongst the people lining the Boardwalk, most sane locals knowing the group's notorious reputation. David and Dwayne walk ahead of Paul and Marko, who are pushing and shoving each other around, giggling and laughing to themselves as a band of girls squeals when the smaller of the two is thrown straight into their midst, drawing some attention from the people around them, though they have yet to notice me. Crossing my arms over my chest, I just watch as they move together, eyeing them as they come into range before looking around for something, quickly finding a discarded newspaper on the wall behind my motorbike. Smirking wider, I take it and tear off three pages, screwing them into a tight ball, my gaze returning to the approaching bikers, guaging the distance between me and them, knowing I have a very good aim, having practiced it a lot before and during training. Winding back my arm, I take aim and throw the ball, giving it some force so that the intended target will manage to feel it under his mess of hair, trying mg hardest to contain my laughter when the projectile connects with the back of his head.

Paul instantly looks around, irritation and confusion rife in his face as he searches the crowd for his assailant, still missing me, even as I throw another ball of paper, though this one is aimed for Marko, who also receives it as a blow to the back of the head. Disgruntled, the two vampires stop, looking around for the source, drawing David and Dwayne's attention as they realise their friends are no longer following them. Biting my lip, I throw another two, hitting both of the quieter boys square in the back, trying my hardest to hold back my laughter, though I am unsuccessful as they continue to search around, heads whipping to and fro as they try to work out where I am, the crowd of people around them starting to leave a berth around them, leaving their view of me unblocked and clear. Finally, I decide to put them put of their misery.

"Damn, I thought you guys were observant." I call out to them, tossing another ball of newspaper from hand to hand to show who the culprit was. Surprised, and somewhat shocked, the four of them spin around, their faces lighting up when they catch sight of me, Paul and Marko instantly racing over and engulfing me in a tight hug.

"(Y/n)! You're back!" The latter exclaims happily, pulling away briefly to look me in the eye before he buries his face into my clothes again.

"I am. It's good to see you all!" I respond, laughing as I wrap my arms around them, glad to finally get to see them again after so long. Over their heads, Dwayne and David shoot me equally glad smiles, the former ready to step in once the other two have released me.

"Not nearly as good as it is to see you again! I hate it when you leave!" Paul mumbles into my shirt, Marko agreeing with him as they continue to crush me.

"I hate leaving, too, but I always come back." I remind them, patting them on the back so that they'll release me, smiling at both of them as they grudgingly step away, allowing Dwayne to step in and pull me into a softer embrace, his long arms pressing me into his bare chest, his face burying itself into my hairline. Happily, I wrap my own arms around his waist, enjoying the sensation of his cool skin against my heated body, jealous of his pleasant temperature.

After a few minutes, I pull away again, looking to David, who just smiles (genuinely for once) at me, his intimidating reputation preventing him from showing any affection in public, though he isn't really one for hugs in private, either. Or, at least not with me. Instead, he gives my body a once over with his icy blue eyes, the gesture drawing a blush to my cheeks, especially when I feel the others do the same, some more discreetly than others - unfortunately, I'd managed to develop a crush on all four of them, so the idea of them blatantly checking me out is not one I dismiss too easily.

"It's good to see you again, (Y/n)." He greets, chuckling as he watches Marko and Paul fight over who gets to put their arm around my waist, only for the both of them to whine when Dwayne beats them to it, the taller brunette pulling me into his side with an intimacy he's never had before.

"Yeah, it's good to be back." I agree, smiling at them all, "What're we gonna do tonight? I have three weeks this time round."

"Three weeks? That's much longer than last time!" Paul comments, slipping in on my other side, slinging his arm around my shoulders so that I'm now sandwiched between two tall vampires.

"I don't have to stay that long." I point out, jokingly, sending Marko an apologetic look when he notices that Paul has managed to get his arm around me.

"That's not what I meant, it means that we can do so much more together!" The tall, blonde vampire explains, most likely already thinking up ways to spend the next three weeks, "We should go swimming in the sea, and go on all the rides on the Boardwalk, and go to concerts-"

"Take it easy, I only just got here!" I cut him off, grinning as David and Dwayne chuckle at their friend's antics.

"Speaking of which, have you eaten yet?" The platinum blonde interjects, lifting an eyebrow at me in curiosity.

"No, I don't have any money on me, actually. I think I left it back on the carrier, which is annoying." I frown, thinking for a minute before remembering something, "No, that's not true. I brought some of it with me. It's in the seat compartment of the bike, hang on."

Swiftly, I retrieve the money, returning to the two vampires who had their arms around me, both of them only to eager to repeat the gestures.

"You should know by now that you don't have to pay for food when you're with us." David reminds me, lifting an eyebrow at me as he watches me put the notes into a secure pocket under my belt.

"I know, but I like having it with me anyway." I supply, only too happy to start walking towards the food stalls of the Boardwalk, my stomach growling audibly as the scents of the different types reach me.

"Fair enough." Dwayne says, squeezing my waist gently.

In no time, we've bought some food and eaten it, continuing to roam the Boardwalk as the night goes on, the five of us having a good time together as we always do, falling straight back into our usual habits and patterns, the friendship as strong as ever, though I've noticed that their touches are often more lingering than before, and that they're stares are less innocent than they used to be. I try to ignore it, but it becomes increasingly harder as Paul and Marko continue to fight over who gets to wrap their arm around me, eventually just agreeing to swap every half and hour or so, Dwayne never leaving my side as David leads us around, the vampire smirking at me every now and then.

After a few hours or so, I feel myself starting to get tired, having had very little rest in the time between travelling and meeting the boys, so I ask them if I can join them at the cave, seeing as I have no other accommodation, to which they all wholeheartedly agree. Leading me back to the motorcycles, the four vampires quickly decide whether to take the road or the beach back to the sunken hotel, swiftly deciding on the road seeing as it is the most direct, and therefore the quickest, though David does promise that we'll ride along the beach at some point.

As we leave the Boardwalk, I ride towards the back, between Marko and Dwayne, easily keeping up as we thunder along one of the motorways, shrieks and whoops of exhilaration leaving us from the thrill, our speed dangerously high until we hit the dirt paths leading up to the Bluff, at which point I slow my bike down so that it can grip the dusty surface better. Ahead of me, Paul tries to goad me on, encouraging me to live a little, though my heightened survival instincts are telling me to be careful along the steep cliff edge. Coming to a halt at the top, we dismount and hide the motorbikes, the four of them swiftly taking me down into their abode, though I do collect a bag from the compartment under my seat before following, sitting it down on the sofa beside me as I collapse onto one, routing around in it briefly.

I pull out a slightly scuffed book, throwing it to David as he comes to sit opposite me on his wheelchair, the others crowding around him to look at it in curiosity.

"Got you guys a little something." I tell them, gesturing to him to open it.

Upon doing so, their eyes widen, Marko's breath hitching as he sees what it is, the young vampire obviously fascinated by it.

"When did you get these?" Dwayne finally manages, unable to tear his eyes from the photo album in David's hands, admiring the Polaroids I stuck into it, thinking they'd be happy to look at them.

"Well, I had my RIO* bring a camera up with him one time when we were on patrol, but I took the pictures. I thought you'd like to have some pictures of the sky in the daytime and at sunset and sunrise to look at, seeing as you can't see them in person anymore." I explain nervously, hoping they like it, suddenly feeling a bit unsure of whether they'd like to be reminded of this fact.

For near enough ten minutes, the four vampires are silent, flicking through the book with wide eyes, David tracing a finger over one in particular.

"How the hell are we supposed to thank you for this, kitten?" He finally says, the nickname making me blush a little, though I'm not entirely sure how to respond.

"You don't have to thank me for that, it's not that great of a gift, on the scale of things-" I start, only to be cut off by Marko.

""Not that great of a gift"? Are you serious? This is the best thing we've ever gotten!" He exclaims, tearing his eyes away from the photos so that he can come over and drown me in a hug again, crushing me into his chest. Laughing, I wrap my arms around him, holding him tightly, inhaling the comforting scent of his jacket as I do so.

Across from us, Paul also manages to look away from the Polaroids, coming over and joining us on the sofa, a grin on his face as he plonks himself on top of Marko, a grunt escaping me from the sudden weight.

"You're the best, (Y/n), you really are!" He praises me, leaning down to press a swift kiss on my cheek, smirking when I blush in response.

"I'm not sure about that, but thank you anyway." I wheeze out, their weight starting to become a bit too much for be to bear. Tapping on Marko's back, I wait for him to throw Paul off before pushing him off of my lap, taking a deep breath as I look over at Dwayne and David, who are still enraptured by the photo album.

"Who's that?" The latter suddenly asks, pointing to a certain picture.

Frowning, I get up and come over, looking down at the picture in question, smiling as I recognise it immediately, the image holding a lot of sad and happy memories for me.

"Those are my friends Maverick and Goose before..." My voice trails off, an old surge of grief gnawing at my heart as I recall the exact moment that photo was taken, remembering the aviators as they joked around with me and my RIO, Hawk, all four of us only staying still for that one photo.

"Before?" Dwayne pushes gently, dark eyes boring into mine with curiosity.

Clenching my jaw, I let out a sigh before I reply.

"Before the accident. The accident where Goose...died..." I manage to get out, my eyes now fixed on the miniature version of my friend's face, still wishing he were still alive and kicking.

"I'm sorry, (Y/n), I didn't mean to bring it up. If I had known, I wouldn't have said anything." David apologises, placing a gloved hand on mine in comfort, blue eyes sympathetic.

"No, don't worry about it. It's what happens in the military, and it just so happens to be that my friend got it in the neck. There's nothing that can be done." I tell him, grateful that they haven't pursued the subject, though the reminder has made me feel a lot more tired than before, for whatever reason, "I think I'm gonna go get some sleep now, if you don't mind. It's been a long day."

The four of them agree, Paul, Marko and Dwayne all pressing quick kisses on my cheek as I pass them, David following me to the little nest that they provided for me the last time I was here, the vampire watching as I settle in. I only take off my boots, socks and belt, unpinning my Wings from my chest as I go, briefly debating with myself about whether or not to unbutton my shirt and just sleep in my underwear, until I remember that David is still there, his blue eyes tracing my form as I move around.

Finally slipping into the makeshift bed, I notice that the vampire still hasn't moved away, watching me as if asking for permission to do something, my mind struggling to comprehend what he means until I see him look at the blankets questioningly.

"Do you want to join me?" I ask, surprise lacing my voice.

"If you don't mind."

I can't refuse him, so I simply move over and let him slide in beside me, feeling even more surprised when he pulls me into his chest, wrapping his arms around me and rubbing circles into my skin with one thumb. A small gasp escapes me when I feel his hand slip under my shirt, his skin icy cold against mine, the sensation pleasant as starts to trace patterns into my sides, his eyes boring into mine as I watch him, still confused.

"What's gotten into you?" I question him, laying my head on his chest, my hands coming up to rest just on his collarbone, my fingers running over the line of the bone.

"Nothing, I just need to tell you something which might not be the greatest news you've ever heard." He tries to reassure me, his deep voice resonating though his chest and into me as he watches my facial expressions change.

"What is it?" I ask him hesitantly, dread biting at the back of my throat.

"Well, I don't suppose you remember us telling you about the whole idea of vampires having a mate?"

"...Yeah?" I frown slightly, briefly remembering the conversation.

"It turns out that the four of us have a mate, and it's taken us far too long to feel the connection." David confirms, swallowing at the confession.

"Oh really? Who is it?' I can't help but feel a bit disappointed, knowing that the mating bond makes the four of them off-limits to anyone else.

"You. You're our mate."

*RIO = Radar Intercept Officer

Part Two

[panda-noosh]

Hey so this is my first time requesting something so I'm not completely sure how this works, but can I get a Voltron Keith X Best Friend Reader? Like a friends to overs kind of thing. Thanks!

keith realises he’s in love with his best friend when you finally get a date with someone else.

    the suspicion has always been there, of course - keith has always found you attractive, but he isn’t childish enough to think that’s all he needs to fall in love with you. your personality always meshed with his, but again, the two of you have been best friends for as long as he can remember - surely that must play a part in it somehow?

    for years, he has been telling himself that he’s pretty content just being your best friend, the person you go to with the tiniest and biggest of problems. he’s always going to be there for you, and you know that.

    but then you inform him of your date.

    keith blinks. he’s not too sure how to react to that, which is dumb, because you’re both grown adults. it is very valid, and very realistic, to think of you now having a dating life. 

    nonetheless, the news jars him. you’re standing there, grinning from ear to ear, like this is the best news you’ve ever announced. should he throw a party? should he congratulate you? hell, should he be happy? because he certainly doesn’t feel happy.

   is that a bad thing? maybe that makes him a bad friend. he doesn’t know. he’s very out of tune with his emotions. all he knows for sure is that this news is not pleasant to him, and he can’t quite pinpoint why.

   well, he can. he isn’t stupid. he would just prefer not to.

    “oh,” is all he can muster, and his throat is dry, like he hasn’t drank in days.

   your smile fades, which is heartbreaking all on it’s own. “oh? that’s all you’ve got to say?”

   “what else is there to say? you’ve got a date. good for you. i don’t.”

   you raise a brow, tilting your head to the side. “are you mad at me?”

    his heart stutters. he can feel himself getting hostile, a feeling he’s so familiar with when it comes to everybody else, but not you. never you. 

    “no,” he grumbles. “i’m tired, and i have work to get to, so if you don’t mind-”

   you grab his arm before he can push past you. he closes his eyes, exhaling a shaky breath; should he say something? part of being best friends with someone is being able to tell them everything, but does the fact that keith is head over heels in love with you even count? maybe that’s a secret best kept hidden.

    “i’m happy for you, y/n,” he says hoarsely. “honestly.”

   “is that right? because you don’t sound too happy; in fact, you sound like you want to strangle me.”

   keith’s eyes pop open. “don’t be an idiot. why would i even be mad at you right now?”

   “i don’t know. you tell me.”

    keith grits his teeth, jaw bone throbbing. “who is this person anyway? the person you’re going on a date with. the special someone.”

   “oh, now you’re just taking the piss.” you let go of his arm and step back. your eyes hold a storm, glaring right at keith, which is so unfamiliar and it makes him so uncomfortable that he almost wants to backtrack on every single thing he’s said in the past ten minutes and start from scratch. “i tell you everything, keith. everything. and i know you struggle to open up sometimes, but when you’re mad at me, i’d like to know why without the hostile little jabs, thank you very much.”

    “there was no ‘hostile little jab.’”

   “yes these was, or are you also forgetting that i’ve known you since we were kids? i can tell when something is bothering you.” you fold your arms over your chest, grimacing. “i also know when you’re lying.”

   “oh, aren’t you a smart little cookie?”

   you glare at him. he glares right back.

   and everything breaks down.

    his patience, his willpower - all of it comes crashing down around him, and it’s about time, too. looking into your eyes right now sends such a powerful surge of love and realisation through his system that it nearly floors him, and the words are rushing from his mouth before he can start thinking straight.

    “don’t go on a date with that person.”

    your eyes shift from pure anger to pure confusion. “what?”

    “just. . . don’t. think about what you’re doing for a second.”

    “i am. i haven’t been on a date in forever, and the missions are finally starting to slow down, so-”

    “so i’ll take you out.”

   you pause. keith’s heart races, but he can’t stop now; if he follows this through to the end, his life could potentially be changed forever. either he kisses you, or he turns and leaves having just ruined the one good thing in his life.

    he’s got to take the risk, though, because it’s too late to pull back now.

   “where do you wanna go?” he rushes on. “ a restaurant? a movie on the sofa, a bit of popcorn? i think we still have some left from the last time we had a movie night, remember?” you continue to stare at him. “so where do you wanna go? what do you wanna do?”

    the silence is deafening. keith is certain he’s messed up; not once has he ever granted himself the cosy belief of you being in love with him, too, but he thought he would try, just this time, just to dip his toes in the water and see what happens.

    but you’re not even saying anything, and that’s the worst outcome keith could possibly imagine.

   he swallows the golf ball sized lump in his throat and looks to the floor. “or not. or you can just go on your date and forget i ever said anything.” 

    he turns on his heel then, unable to stand your lack of response. he’s embarrassed, genuinely humiliated, mortified that he’s just shattered his entire friendship with you in a few short sentences. the one time he wants to be true to his feelings, and he ruins everything. this is why he keeps his mouth shut half the-

    “keith, wait, no.” 

   you grab his hand, pulling him back. keith stumbles, spinning round to face you, but he doesn’t have time to say anything before you’re hesitantly standing on your tip toes and kissing him.

    it’s so gentle, so uncertain, like you still haven’t got the message even after everything keith just said. it even takes him a minute to realise what’s going on - here you are, this person he’s known since he was a young boy, finally kissing him after so many years. it doesn’t seem real. keith has never been this lucky, so why has life finally decided to give him this now?

   he doesn’t let himself ruin the moment by thinking too deep into it. his hands drift to your hips, where he rests them uncertainly. your hands are on the back of his neck, messing idly with the flicks of his hair, a habit you have never broken from years of keith laying in your lap during movie nights, or when he’s got a brutal wound.

    you pull away shakily, nervously looking into his eyes as you do so. keith can’t even reign in his expression, his violet eyes glittering, his mouth dropped open. he stares down at you, waiting for you to say something so he doesn’t have to.

    you step away from him, nervously messing with the ends of your sleeves. “did you mean all that? is that your way of telling me you like me?”

    “i love you,” he spits out. your eyes widen, but keith doesn’t take it back. “i love you, y/n.”

    your throat bobs. “i. . . i love you, too. i’ve wanted to tell you for years, but-”

    “that’s okay,” keith rushes on. “you’ve told me now. we’ve told each other.”

   you nod, before hesitantly stepping forward. keith does the same, meeting you halfway, before the two of you break into smiles and awkward laughter.

    “all this time, hm?” you mumble.

    “it was hell.”

   “our friendship?”

   “hiding everything from you; i was so used to telling you everything except this one thing-”

    “yeah. i know what you mean.”

   keith reaches out and gently brushes his fingertips against your knuckles. “are you gonna cancel that date?”

    you scoff, nudging him with your shoulder. “of course i am, idiot.” 

[buddha-in-disguise]

5.18 So that was a lot!

Posting without editing, so apologies for any errors. I am running on barely any sleep, but really wanted to get this written while I could.

Overall impressions were great episode .... but again there were issues for me. However I will address them as I go through my thoughts on it all, and please don't think I am trying go bring this episode down. I'm not. It really was great! I just still see things that haven't been done that could've easily occurred to appease fans further or are examples of why 5b has been so problematic for me.

The opening was good, in that they actually explained that Leviathan were no longer at the location they'd used in Earth 38 before Crisis. These little pointers are what have been missed a lot this season (a couple of examples later ref Kelly). Too often it's been, we need to find their location; no explanation as to why that is.

Now onto the whiplash with Kara and her anger towards Lena.

Kara is angry over Lena being at the fortress and the reaction over her use of Myriad. Alex is the one actually acknowledging Myriad is a trigger for Lena.

Alex, who suddenly starts defending Lena? Then Kara is convincing herself Lena is involved with Lex. Look, I get that she would feel suspicious, I get she has the right to feel angry. But it is this sudden, seemingly out of nowhere anger, not recognising the good in Lena she has staunchly defended until now. With Alex understanding Lena's position.

As I say, I'm not saying Kara doesn't have a right to be hurt and angry. But to see such a quick role reversal in the Danvers sisters in how they're talking about Lena? That is what I find difficult to get my head around.

I don't expect Kara to be there fully defending Lena as she has done. But this just feels OOC yet again. This really isn't normal for Kara. We've seen her angry and feeling betrayed by those closest to her before, but you could see how it built. Understanding as to why those actions left Kara feeling like she did (Astra and J'onn anyone?)

Did I mention whiplash? Because, whiplash.

But it is good to see Kara once again around a table brainstorming with most of the Superfriends. Using her intelligence and skills to try and figure things out.

Nia is also finally able to be involved properly. I still feel annoyed Nia isn't really in CatCo at all these days, because as much as I love seeing her as Dreamer, I want to see Nia as more than just a Superhero. I want to see her continuing as a journalist, and like Kara, use both skills together when feasible.

The Tower is actually getting used (those computers aren't simply sitting there looking pretty). How many episodes has it taken to see this used properly for more than a brief scene? Too long.

M'gann is back. I love M'gann, and despite still feeling angry that they had J'onn throw her into a DEO cell, with no due process simply for being a White Martian, I've always enjoyed the dynamic between the two characters, and it wasn't a surprise they kissed. Although god damn it, where was our Dansen kiss. Even a hug? But onto Dansen in a bit.

Alex got into some action. That car hood slide?! Phew. It is suddenly very hot in here. We certainly wouldn't complain if they throw a few more of those hood slides in future episodes.

This is the sort of thing a lot of fans love Alex for. Her kick ass, throwing herself around best.

Plus the scene with Kara in the library just before that, also had the Danvers sisters vibe we have just missed a lot this season, especially 5b.

The DEO being destroyed. Of course we knew it was coming, but it was still good to see the whole sequence of action leading up to it. Kara jumping through that window! Day. Made.

The Nia and Brainy scenes though. My poor Brainia heart. Actually the way Nia and Kara turned and walked away outside after the collapse of the DEO .... oof. Understandable but still gut wrenching. The parallels to Lena and Kara, with Brainy and Nia are also there. God damn it, what is with all this pulling apart relationships and friendships on the show this season.

Kelly, while still frustrated she is working with William, in this episode it made more sense, as Nia and Kara were out doing Superhero things. I've said for ages though, William really isn't needed to simply stand over Kelly's shoulder as she does her thing. Okay, so he realised an image inducer was being used, but if Kelly was working this on her own, (with the Superfriends at The Tower), you can't tell me she wouldn't have been giving the footage the same level of detailed going over that William was. Nothing in those scenes couldn't have been done without him. Kelly is far more capable to do this. She is ex-military for gods sake.

Which leads me onto Dansen, but also Alex.

Once again we had them acknowledge that as ex-military Alex was finding it difficult to adjust. I broached this in an earlier piece I wrote when J'onn and Alex were talking about it. I would've far preferred Kelly had that conversation with her girlfriend, at home. That end scene with Dansen was great, but the dialogue with Kelly's ex-army buddy - that should've been Kelly when Alex says her actions led to it happening. That whole segment had Kelly and Alex talking written all over it. Another wasted opportunity of so many this season. It is especially galling as we've had so little meaningful Dansen content. That small change would've made a huge difference. Plus no hug? No kiss? M'gann and J'onn get one, but once again Dansen don't, and they don't even get the intimacy of a hug. It is ridiculous. And people wonder why fans have had increasing issue of the LGBTQ storylines. Or rather lack thereof.

Which brings me to my other bugbear from this season. Does Kelly know Kara is Supergirl? I mean I think she does after last weeks episode, which I've covered at the time. But that is only conjecture on what we saw, not what we know for certain. Where is Alex getting her income from? Is J'onn paying her, and if so, where is he getting the income from? Are Kelly and Alex actually living together? Because Kelly sure as hell looked comfortable in Alex's apartment, and Alex certainly looked as if Kelly not only was expected to be there, but belonged there. I know we can't get every minute detail about their lives, but these aren't small things. Plus it would only take brief dialogue to explain what the situation really is.

As for Alex becoming a vigilante. I will be honest, I've never been overly comfortable with vigilantes in shows, however they are littered throughout The Arrowverse. In fact, without them most Arrowverse shows wouldn't exist. As for the support of Kelly, that was a pleasant change. She understood the difficulties Alex faced, and offered a solution. After all, she has the Guardian shield. Whether she becomes her own version of Guardian I guess we wait and see. But since Alex needs to try and stop both Lex and Leviathan and has no other means to do it effectively, a vigilante is the most logical step. After all, isn't that what they've all been doing since Alex left the DEO? They just haven't placed a name to it until now.

Time to go onto Lex and Lena. Possible trigger warning here.

"You're a monster. But that doesn't mean I have to be one to."

First off. Jon Cryer and Katie McGrath were masterful in the scene where it all came to a head in the prison. Despite my misgivings of the overuse of Lex this season, there is no doubt this is why he is so good! His emotional range just came shining through. Just as Katie McGrath's did.

Him getting up into her face like he did, and her flinching. Here is what I tweeted about it: "Listen, I've been in an IPV relationship. I can't speak for victims of family abuse and if they grow up in the same way, but the way Lena flinched in this scene. That was me when my ex did what Lex did. That was real.

Katie McGrath's shone in tonight's episode."

Katie just completely nailed it. This is when I wish I could just stand there and tell her just how amazing that scene was. The same for Jon.

Those who have denied time and again Lena wasn't a victim of abuse, or it didn't excuse her for her actions in how Lex manipulates her, this is why we spoke about it. This is the victim of abuse. If she wasn't expecting that to escalate into a violent reaction, then that scene wouldn't have happened like it did. She was expecting the blow. That whole scene was visceral. I'm still trying to get to grips with how once again, the acting just brings through a depth so often lacking. So please spare me the excuses of she isn't a victim of abuse. That scene is canon now to the story. Between Lex last season, and this leaves no room for doubt, and if you do - you're not doing it for any other reason than to simply hate on Lena.

That last scene with Kara and Lena. Fucking finally! It's only taken 18 episodes to get there. Again I am still frustrated Kara is being so defensive against Lena, but I also do kind of understand it. She is also feeling hurt and no doubt worried. Is Lena trying to trick her again, like she had earlier in the season. Will she get her heart ripped out if Lena is presenting her with an act. Trust goes both ways, and both of them have found it difficult to reestablish it. I get that. I really do. Again though I just wish it hadn't taken until 5.18 for any kind of resolution between them to begin. Even if it had gone to the 20 episode season as planned, we couldn't get time to really get this sorted. Kara needs to let Lena explain why Lena did what she did with more than that speech. She needs to understand just how abusive the relationship is between Lex and Lena, and why to some degree Lena fell back into old habits like she did. Much like we had Lena and Andrea get that backstory, to really help show why Lena has trust issues, Kara and Lena now need to lay those cards out on the table in a similar way. No more hiding. Sadly I doubt we will get anything of that depth, and we certainly won't this season. But it is a start and that's more than I could've hoped for before the episode began.

Lastly, William getting black bagged by Eve. I wonder if her anger at Lex will make her use William as a pawn to gain revenge? Or will she let William know Lex was the one who has fed William those details, or activated him? Still a weird ass way to describe it by the way. But we will see. Honestly, William as a whole holds absolutely no interest for me. So I didn't even find myself reacting to what happened. It was ... meh.

And that's it for now. I've almost certainly forgotten something, but it was a lot to take in this episode.

Overall, I felt this episode was far better than some of what we've seen so far this season, particularly in 5b. It certainly leaves me looking forward to 5.19 with less dread than of late.

[haveagoodniceday]

So like.. Please tell me I'm not being unreasonable by feeling :/ by the following.... So like, my roommate and supposedly best friend came by to pick up some stuff while im in isolation and I'm hurt by a few things.

1. She didn't offer to pick up some groceries or anything like that before coming (which I already got someone else to do, it's not because I need it but like.. The gesture of it would have been nice....) also she didn't even inform me that she was coming???

2. She didn't even ask me how i was doing which is like??? I've been isolated since Tuesday morning it's the least she could do especially since she literally liked my very emo tumblr post last night.