#And I hope I've helped a few people get through some things too

[snek-of-eden]

Just a heads up, AMVs are a bit different from edits: AMVs usually take all of a song or most of it, and set it to arranged clips formed to tell a bit of a story. They're longer and typically made using a movie editing platform like Adobe, Final Cut, or applications like that. Edits are shorter, they tend to use repeating clips or 'poppy' filters/transitions, and they're usually made on platforms like Capcut which require a lot less effort and experience. They're both super cool and valid, just different. If you want advice on edits, there are so many cool editors out there and I'm sure one could help you with resources.

I primarily use Final Cut Pro, but I'm pretty sure this stuff will work in most video editing platforms. I use a computer to edit.

So for the ones that i've done, i start with picking what media i want to make the amv out of (raeda, arcane ect.) and then i go to Spotify and scroll through my playlist to try and find a good song. that's a really hard part for me, but some criteria I use to pick is: finding a song with defined beats (good for scene changes), interesting lyrics, and not too long/short. You can usually shorten the beginning or ending or the song, so don't worry about it too much. Then I listen to the song on repeat a few times, and decide what the theme of the amv will be - sad and slow, energetic and fast, hopeful? That's just to get an idea of how you want your finished product to be.

Then (I'm not sure this is the best way and I'm open to suggestions but this the only way I've figured out how to rn) I go to a music platform like Soundcloud or Spotify, copy the song link, then use a platform like spotifydown.com or similar to convert the song to mp3 and download it. Try to make sure that the artist you're using lets their song be used on platforms like Youtube copyright free.

After that, I start compiling clips. There are two ways I know how to do this. 1: You can search up [Fandom/ship] screenpacks or compilations on Youtube and then go through them, screen recording clips you think will look good in your AMV. Shots with action and shots where the camera is moving are best in my opinion. Try to make these fit the theme of your song (sad, happy ect.). You will need way more than you think you will, and you'll likely have to go back for more. On a computer, these will save to files, which you can then drag and drop into the media section on your editing platform. 2: Some people (usually on Instagram or Tumblr) have high definition downloadable full episodes/movies of your media. With credit, you can generally download them and drag and drip them into your editing platform.

Once you've got your clips in the media section, drop your mp3 file in and put it in the section where you actually work on your video. You'll have to have some knowledge of how your own application works - most of that can be found online. Choose where you're going to start your music, and then begin dragging all your clips into the timeline. (If you dragged in whole episodes, clip them down first and delete unnecessary parts.) Then start arranging them and cutting them down so they work with the beat of the song. Continue this until the whole thing is clipped.

After that, you'll want to crop the borders of all clips to be the same size (i only know how to do this in fcp, sorry). For colour filters, they'll differ with each platform so I suggest looking up a tutorial for your platform. For making the words you put look good (I'm assuming you mean lyrics), there'll likely be a lot to choose from in your app, but the main thing is to make sure they show up at the same time as they're sung in the song - too early or too late is a big turn off, and you can change when they show up by dragging them back and forth on your timeline. Really common text effects like the purple sparkles or comic sans usually look a bit cliche.

For blending scenes with each other, just changing over scenes without a transition is fine. That's probably what you'll do in the beginning. It looks better on fast paced things, especially when you've got movement in your scene (ei. someone swings a hammer from left to the right edge of the screen, and it quickly cuts to someone moving in that same direction in another clip). You can also experiment with transitions that fade into one another, and a whole bunch more. These will be pre-made, and can just drag and drop them where you want.

Keep remembering to watch your AMV back from the beginning, tweaking things and making sure to change anything that makes you feel 'uncomfortable' to watch, whether that be a clip going on too long or being too short, or not having enough movement. Don't be afraid to delete clips if they're not working, and switch them around to try new things. It'll take a lot of trial and error to figure out, but it's so fun so definitely give it a go!! Hope this was somewhat legible and helpful, and feel free to dm me if you want to know something specific, i can probably show you on my mac and if not we can figure it out together :)

For the love of GOD someone needs to sit my ass down and teach me how to make amv’s bc I NEED to make a Raeda edit to Hoziers Cover of Do I Wanna Know that starts from Raines perspective and turns to both of theirs BECAUSE THAT WOULD HIT!!! Or GOD FORBID “BE RUDE TO ME” BY GIGI PEREZ

[revenantghost]

Man! I feel bad about being not as present for bookclub as I was last year, and also about how behind on messaging/responding to peeps between migraines and health stuff I am, but the community here and support and kindness has been amazing even as I feel like I'm letting everyone down, and I've just gotta say:

Thank you <3

[nkjemisin]

The results of the election has been absolutely devastating and terrifying and I wanted to pop in and say thank you. Firstly, for what your work has meant to me over the years. Broken earth resonated with me in a way no other piece of media has. Essun has lived in me ever since I finished the series, and I hope to get a tattoo of her as a stone eater at some point. More relevantly to how I started this, however, I wanted to thank you because your work has given me solace twice over in dealing with the world right now. With the world feeling like it’s falling apart and the future so uncertain, thinking of broken earth reminded me that even when the world is ending around us there are still people and things worth fighting for. Secondly, nearly all of my comfort media deals with antfascist or antiracist themes, and it’s felt all either too real to engage with, or hopeful in a way that felt too bitter given the state of things. I had started relistening to the city we became just before the election, and I had to stop for a bit because the hope in that story felt like more than I could bear. I hesitantly picked it back up saturday as I was walking to meet someone, and it surprised me by having the opposite effect. Seeing all of us — queers, jews, people of color — at the forefront and fighting reminded me that we are out there, that we won’t give up, that while we live the fight is not yet over. So I just wanted to say thank you for giving me some much needed hope and strength in these bleak times.

I am always astonished, and honored, when people tell me my work has this kind of effect on them. Thank you. It's good to know I've helped, even if only in spirit, and even if only a little.

As for the rest -- yeah. I feel you. I'm going to forego sharing my own feelings about all this; they're too raw, and I express myself best through my fiction, anyway. But I resolved something a few days ago, and I'll at least share this: I am not letting these motherfuckers steal my joy. There is too much beauty in the world, and too many people who are worthy of my time and attention, for me to waste more time/energy than I must on people who aren't. I will protect whom I can including myself, fight back where I can, but I am also just going to live my goddamn life, because therein lies the fuel I need to keep fighting.

So if you're getting some of that fuel from my work, wonderful. Get more from wherever else you need to -- with caution as you must, but without guilt or fear.

Take care.

[satorusugurugurl]

The Full Moon

Summary: You finally convince your werewolf fiancé to let you see his true form. One that he normally keeps hidden away from you due to the fact, he is so unbearably horny in his true form.

Pairing: Werewolf!Gojo Satoru X AFAB!Reader

Warnings: Primal play, ABO, werewolf, knotting, dirty, talk, oral, (female receiving) loud smex,, sex, unprotected sex, creampie, breeding kink

Word Count: 3.1K

A/N: Kinktober day nine! Werewolf! I not too familiar with monster smex so think of him as like a wolf man hybrid! I hope you guys enjoy! I've had a really shitty week so this might be my best work! But I put my whole heart into it! 💚💚💚

“We shouldn't be doing this.” Satoru sighed as he watched you eagerly peek out the window. “I usually go home during the full moon.”

Annoyance crept up your spine like a autumn chill. “Toru, we've been over this.” you showed him your left hand, the engagement ring on you ring finger glitter. “I'm going to be your wife soon. I don't want you running off locking yourself in a pent house during a full moon. I'm going to be your wife. I’ll be there to help you.”

“Ughh!” He flopped dramatically back against the bed. “I hate that you have to see me like this.”

“Gojo Satoru.” you stood across the room, crawling on the bed with him. “I love you, every part of you.” Cerulean eyes narrowed as a silent warning. “Even the furry parts.”

“Oh my god, I don't turn into a giant wolf like the movies. I just grow some claws—and sharp teeth—and I get a little—and I mean a LITTLE hairy.”

You giggled, grinning softly as he wrapped his arms around you, yanking you onto his chest. He exhaled deeply through his nose the air moving your hair. His grip was tight, allowing you to feel the anxiety creeping through his body. You knew he was nervous, but deep down inside of the deepest parts if you, you knew it would be okay.

Satoru was a werewolf. Something you hadn't entirely believed at first. But when you saw his steel door barricaded apartment, you knew he was telling the truth. But he wasn't the type to go out killing people every fool moon, he mostly got—horny, maybe went after a few cats, but he never hurt anyone.

Which brings you to tonight. By some great other world, sleep power you were able to talk him into steam with you tonight. That way you could see all that happens when he transforms and everything else. You needed to know these things. It totally wasn’t to see how feral he became when he was under the influence of the moonlight.

“Satoru I love you no matter what. Hairy or not.” He smiled oh so lovingly at you as you stood up walking towards the window. “So would it be okay if I open the window?”

There was a hesitation in his eyes, but with a deep breath, he slowly nodded his head. “Yeah it’s fine, But if this gets too intense for you to handle, you need to tell me. It might take me a while to snap out of it, but I promise you I’m going to protect you.”

“I know, I just want you to know I love you no matter what.”

Without another word, you open the blackout curtains, allowing the moon to spill in through the window to flood the room. Nothing Really special happened at first. Satoru Just stared at the moonlight outside not saying much..but After a minute or two you could see his body trembling. You hadn’t been anticipating it to happen so fast. And seeing it in person was a bit of a shock.

His entire body shook his fingers dug into the sheets underneath him. “Toru?” You hesitantly, asked to stepping closer. “Are you okay? Do you need to stop? I can close the blinds and we can enjoy a nice quiet evening.” When he didn’t say anything, just curling himself in weird towards his body, as if he was in an immense amount of pain eared back out the window.. “Fuck maybe this is a bad idea. I guess you might be in for a long night Toru.”

The guilt didn’t even have a chance to fester within your stomach as you heard a growl from behind you. it was deep, dark and full of need. And That sound alone had you squirming.

“Oh sweetheart,” your shifted your weight from one leg to the other as a shiver ran down your spine at the voice came beside you, ‘You’re in for a long night.” Turning your head, you came face to face with Gojo as you stared into his glowing blue eyes.

“Toru,” you gasped out, reaching for him, “are you okay—” Before your hand could touch him, he grabbed your wrist, pinning you against the wall. The sudden action had you hissing through gritted teeth as you stared up at your werewolf boyfriend.

“You know what.” he licked his bottom lip, revealing sharp canines as thick hair covered his chest as he transformed into a werewolf. He learned in gently taking your bottom lip between his teeth and tugging at it gently, “You smell even better.” he tightened his grip on your wrists, careful not to hurt you as his sharp claws dug into your skin. “I can smell everything about you, and do you know what that means.” He leaned in closer to you, his face inches away from yours, “I can smell your arousal.”

Shivering, you whined, rolling your hips against nothing as you felt that same arousal coating your panties. “Mhmm fuck, you look so fucking sexy.” Your boyfriend tilted his head as a pure animalistic growl rose in his chest.

“Is this why you wanted me to stay?” Using his free hand, Gojo grabbed both sides of your face forcing you to look directly into his slitted pupils, “You wanted to fuck me when I’m like—.” Another growl sounded, sending heat to pool between your thighs, “A lunar-driven werewolf.”

You didn’t fight him because he had hit the nail in the head with the hammer. You did want to see him in his proper form because you were getting married. But there was also a different reason, a more selfish reason, why you wanted him to stay. You were so desperate to see him like this. Thinking about him and his apartment, horny and hopeless, had been your muse for your masturbation sessions for months.

“There’s no denying it, Sweetheart, I can smell your arousal.”

You scoffed, trying to play it off cool, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He laughed cocking an eyebrow up at your very blatant lie.

“You are such a liar.”

“N-No, I’m not!”

He rolled his eyes dramatically, shaking his head back and forth, “Please, you’re just gonna stand there looking up at me and not beg me to fuck you right here against the wall like a whole animal.” His teeth grazed over your neck. The sharpness of his fangs suddenly made you realize he was a predator.

“I guess I can’t deny that,” you whispered, watching his knee inch closer to your spread legs. “I would be lying if I said I hadn’t thought about it!”

“Thought about it?” He bowed, laughing, “Oh, Sweetheart, I’m going to need you to elaborate on that.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” he narrowed his gaze, rolling his eyes as he grabbed your face.

“You think I’m lying to you?” He leaned in closer, “I can smell that so sweet slick that’s coating your panties,” he pushed your legs further apart, allowing him to slide his knee between them, “You need me just as bad as I need you. I need to be inside you to breed you, make you mine, in every way I can. I need to mark you up. Make sure no other pathetic male in this city looks at you.”

“Fuck you’re so territorial!” you shoved at him. Still, all your efforts were useless against his sturdy frame, “ I want that! I want you to lose control. I want you to make me mine in every way you possibly can! Please, Toru! I nee—” he cut you off by slamming his lips against yours causing your eyes to shut with desire.

There was no hesitation in your movements as you melted into the kiss. Years of adoration and love were poured into that shared kiss. Then, there was something deeper, more profound in that kiss. It was a hunger you had never sensed within your fiancé before. It was strange and foreign, but you liked it. Feeling him loose and slowly losing control over himself had you snaking your arms around his neck, pulling him down closer to you. Gojo loved feeling you growing more submissive with every presence of his lips against yours. His teeth nipped at your bottom lip before he shoved his tongue in your mouth, not giving you much of a chance to allow him entry.

He tasted fucking fantastic, like strawberries and cream, and that taste alone went straight to your pussy. He must have sensed your growing arousal as he pressed his knee against your pajama-cladded core. Moaning softly into his mouth, you raked your hands through his soft white hair as your tongues battled against each other, twisting and exploring every single inch. You were so lost in the kiss that you found yourself grinding down on his thigh, desperate for more than just kissing. You wanted him to give him to the beast deep within his soul.

Gojo pulled away the saliva, connecting your lips before he smirked. “Mate,” his eyes wandered down to your hips, watching as you shamelessly rocked against him, “Whose the horny beast now? Look at you letting into your desires, letting go into carnal desire.” Your fiance reached up, grabbing a handful of your hair and “Giving in to her alpha.” A chittering, rumbling growl rose in the back of his throat as he pulled your head back by your hair, causing a mewl of pleasure to spill out of your mouth, “And I fully intend to give everything to you, my sweet little omega.”

He tugged at your hair again, allowing him access to your neck, “T-Toru,” you whispered as he kissed and sucked on your neck so hard you knew you were going to have marks littering your pretty skin. He traced his tongue over the marks he had left behind, causing goosebumps to rise under his touch, “f-fuck.” you gritted through your teeth, feeling your body going limp under his talented touch.

“Nuh-uh.” he teased, whispering against your collarbone, “Be a good girl and stand up.” All you could do was nod, letting him know you understood. He grabbed both sides of your hips, “Stand up straight for me.” you obeyed his commands, standing up straight for him, “Spread your legs.”

You spread them to him, allowing him access to you. He licked his lips, dropping to his knees, ripping your shorts down with his sweats. The entire time those glowing animalistic eyes of his focused on the pretty cunt between your legs. Long-clawed nails hooked on either side of your lace panties before he ripped them off.

“Oh fuck, that's my sweet omega.” He leaned down, resting his nose against your mound, “Now be still, I’m going to get you off first..”

He pressed his tongue against your folds, lapping at them quickly with no hesitations. You screamed in pleasure as your legs started shaking. Gojo gripped your hips, holding you up straight up and completely still. But even under his robust and sturdy touch, you felt weak. His tongue lapped at your folds before he took your labia into his mouth, sucking greedily at them.

Reaching down, you grabbed a handful of his longer tufts of white hair. Every lap, kiss, and suck caused you to buck against his mouth, eager for more. Gojo seemed as enthusiastic as you were, losing to the inner beat inside of him. He was desperate to taste all of you, to feel you cum against his tongue. From the speed and roughness, he wasn't going to let up until his mouth and chin were covered in your slick. This was one of the many reasons he avoided you during the full moon: he couldn’t keep his hands, fingers, and mouth off of you.

“T-Toru!” Mewls and whimpers filled the bedroom, accompanied by the snarls and grills of the werewolf who was eating you out, “Toru, I-I’m close,” he only growled in response, taking one of his hands off your ass, trailing it between your legs. He thrust two fingers inside of you, your walls instantly clamping down on them as you let out some form of a moan, “Oh fuck, holy fuck.”

Pulling away for a split second, Gojo smirked, his lips glistening with your juices, all while his glowing blue eyes bore into yours, “Oh, Sweetheart, this is anything from holy.” His mouth instantly found your clit sucking and tugging at the bundle of nerves with his teeth.

“Ahh!!!” You shouted in ecstasy as he pumped his fingers deeper and faster inside of you. You tighten your grip on his hair as your orgasm begins building deep within your core, “I-I’m gonna cum, oh fuck Toru,” biting down on your bottom lip, your thighs began shaking and clamping down on his head, “Ah fuck, oh fuck me, fuck, fuck, fuck!” He increased the speed of his movements, pushing you, tumbling over the edge, “Satoru!!” You screamed as your body pulsated and trembled under his mouth and touch.

Gojo growled, like the werewolf he was, as he pumped his fingers faster, working you through your orgasm and drawing it out. It isn't until you think you'll pass out from the endorphins running through your system that Gojo finally stands. His eyes returned to his normal eyes for a split second before his lips curled back from his teeth as his sweats fell room around his rankles.

“Do you want me to fuck you?” He questions, pulling his massive cock out of his black boxers, “Are you going to finally submit your Alpha. Give in to those fantasies that I’ve been plaguing your mind?” Your mouth was suddenly dry as you forgot to speak and breathe, “Answer me, baby girl.” You nodded in response, only to hand him reach up and tug on your hair, pulling you close to his face, “That's not an answer.” He began rubbing the head of his cock against your wetness, teasing you, “Tell me, do you want me to fuck you like you have always imagined that omega?”

“Yes!” You finally managed to gasp out as he reached his hand up to tug gently on your hair, sending electricity through every nerve of your body, “I want you to fuck me senseless!”

“What's the magic word?” He barely pushed against your opening, sending your hips rocking towards him.

“Please! Please fuck me, alpha!”

That was all he needed to hear as he slid his cock between your wet lips. Your pussy twitched and stretched around him as he filled you inch by inch with his massive cock as groaned against your neck, continuing to push inside of you until he was completely seated inside your wet throbbing cunt to the end.

“God, you feel so fucking good. You.” He lifted you by the thighs, “Your pussy feels so good swallowing my cock like that, clutching around it.” Gojo smirked up at you as you looked down at him, moaning loudly, “You like that Omega? You like feeling my knotted cock deep inside of you?”

“Y-Yes, alpha!”

“Good girl,” he smirked against your skin, continuing to pound into you; every thrust sent shock waves to all of your nerves, “You take my cock soo good,” he growled, biting down on your ear, “You’re my little cock slut aren’t you?”

“Yes!”

He continued thrusting in you, fucking you against the wall of your shared bedroom. Not caring if the neighbors heard or if he knocked down every picture and art you meticulously placed on the wall. All that mattered to him at this moment was knotting you and marking you up with his teeth, so no other werewolf came near you. You were his, and he was yours.

So he fucked you like no other man or beast had fucked you before. It was fast, hard, and fan-fucking-tastic. His massive knotted cock hit your sweet spot with every single thrust. And with each drag out, the head of his cock brushed against the spongy bundle of nerves. Every single brush pushed you closer to the second orgasm that had begun to build inside of you.

Your finger slammed against the wall behind you as you’re right hand dug into the muscles in his back while wrapping your legs around his waist, “Fuck me, Satoru, fuck me, please!” Gojo snapped his hips faster fucking you harder against the wall, all while his head buried in the crook of your neck, nipping ad sucking at your pulse, “Yes, just like that!”

“You like that, sweetheart,” as he increased his speed, rocking faster and harder, your back rubbed up and down the metal, “take it,” he bit down hard into your shoulder, hard enough to draw blood, “You fucking love this, don’t you mate?”

You did love it; it was everything you had ever dreamed of, but it was ten times better! This was like every fantasy book you had ever read, and you were living your best dream!

“I do, God, I fucking love it!” you began rocking harder against Satoru feeling the coil in your lower stomach tighten, “I-I’m gonna cum Toru!” you cried out as he bit harder into your flesh.

“Yeah cum, cum all over my cock, Sweetheart,” was whimpering and whining like a dog in heat. One that had been so overcome by lust that he was losing himself in the pleasure, “Cum for me.”

The coil snapped, and you came for him hard. You let out a scream digging your heels into his ass while you dug your fingers into his back. Waves of pleasure washed every inch of your body as he continued fucking you, drawing your orgasm. With two more thrusts, he followed you right over the edge, his come spurting inside of you, coating your walls. You tighten your grip on him as he milks himself inside of you.

As the waves died, you were gasping for air, resting your head against his, “Oh my God, Toru. You’re never staying in that apartment alone ever again.” He chuffed, almost purring as he carried you towards the bed. You were most certain if he had a tail, he would be wagging it.

“Fine by me.” He growled as light from the shimmering moon outside highlighted the curves and muscles on his body as he forced your thighs apart. “Now, what do you say you let the big bad wolf in?”

Forever Tag List:

@darkstarlight82 @pandoness @nealeart @simp-plague @sugurubabe @chilichopsticks @reap3erslov3 @wil10wthetree @msniks @lana18918

Kinktober Tag List:

@candy-s72

[heartsforvin]

ONLINE LOVE

thank you nonnie for the request !! i hope you like it (:

pairing: gamer!vinnie hacker x fem!reader

warnings: cussing, sexual jokes / innuendos, pure fluff

summary: when vinnie goes on omegle one random night out of boredom, he doesn’t expect to meet you and fall in love in the process

with nothing to do on a friday night, vinnie decided to go on omegele. he hadn't been on the site in years, and honestly thought it had gotten banned.

tagging it with a few trendy things, vinnie fixed up his appearance just a bit before clicking on the video option.

of course he knew he wasn't going to get lucky with someone not showing their junk right away, so he wasn't disappointed when he saw some random guy's dick.

after a few skips and boring people, he finally got to you. "holy shit." he thought he said that in his head, but when you looked up, he knew he didn't.

with a furrow to your eyebrows, you give him a small smile as you say hello.

vinnie can't help but give himself a few extra minutes to stare, you were just so pretty. after a minute, he clears his throat and smiles.

"i'm sorry," he apologizes with a laugh. "just didn't expect to see such a pretty girl."

blushing, you thank him with a smile of your own. "you're not so bad yourself." you reply.

vinnie chuckles as he thanks you like you did him. overtime, the two of you ask each other questions about the other, along with interests.

"you play any video games?" he asks you, and you smile with a shake to your head.

it was honestly kind of hard to focus on conversation with him. the first thing you had noticed when he popped up on your screen was his eyes.

vinnie notices you staring at him and smirks. "am i really that nice to look at?" he chuckles.

you rid your thoughts quickly, almost being embarrassed that he caught you. you wouldn't have the confidence to admit it, but he was good to look at.

smiling, you quickly divert the conversation to his previous question. "not much of a gamer really, unless you count the sims." you say.

vinnie laughs and shakes his head. "nah i'm talkin' real games." he tells you.

rolling your eyes playfully, you give him a scoff. "oh so you're one of those people." you say with a laugh.

when vinnie heard you laugh he swore his heart skipped a beat, and not even to be dramatic. he watched as you went on and on about how the sims was real gaming.

he saw your smile and knew that's something he wanted to see more of. "woah hey, calm down." vinnie laughs as he cuts you off.

you smile, pushing a loose strand of hair behind your ear. "what? sims is real gaming, you nerd." you tell him.

vinnie takes in your appearance again and the clothes you're wearing. he can't get enough of you and he just met you.

you do the same, looking at him through the laptop screen, faint blush spreads across your cheeks.

vinnie stands up and the breath is almost knocked out of you when he does. he's wearing sweatpants and a white tank top, muscles on full display.

"you lookin' at my arms or...?" vinnie asks with a chuckle as he sees you staring. "because i can give you soethin' to look at."

laughing, you roll your eyes at him again. "definitely don't want to see that. i've seen too many."

vinnie chuckles and nods his head, completely understanding. although, it doesn't stop him from making a comment.

"you sure? because i do have a tattoo there, but if you don't want see i guess you'll never know." he shrugs.

you wish you were near him so you could hit his arm, instead, you result in a playful scoff and sarcastic reply. "you do not have a tattoo there."

the blonde laughs but shrugs again. "how'd you know if you've never seen it?"

this time, its your turn to shrug. "guess i'll just have to take your word for it." you tell him.

the playful banter continues for about another hour. neither you or vinnie thought you'd actually meet a decent person on this site tonight, but you're both happy you did.

"okay," you say, getting vinnie's attention back onto you and not his phone. "other than gaming, what do you do?"

vinnie stifles a laugh at the question, knowing his answer. "i stream." he tells you.

you already know his answer to your next question so he beats you to it by saying, "yes, i do stream video games."

you can't help but smile. "nerd." you comment with a laugh.

vinnie fires back. "you don't even play real video games, don't even give me that kind of attitude." he says with a laugh.

you brush him off with a scoff. that brought your attention back to the sims games and how you now suddenly got an idea.

"hey vinnie," you get his attention again and he looks up at you. "what if i told you i'm about to make you and me in sims?"

you were half joking, although you did think about the idea of it. vinnie furrows his eyebrows but has a smile on his face.

"that's cute, you should." he tells you, making you smile.

you nod, telling him you'll do it after you get done talking. the two of you talk more for a bit, jokes are made, smiles are shared along with laughs, and vinnie did make one or two comments about you blushing.

in all honesty, he was doing the same thing an you probably could notice. he couldn't help himself, he was starting to think he was falling a bit in love with you.

he did think it was way too soon to tell and you two had known each other for no longer than four hours.

silence fills you two for a minute before vinnie interrupts the silence with what you'd say is a crazy statement.

"you know what you could do if we ever do meet and possibly have a thing going?" he asks, and you don't reply right away, taking his words in.

you didn't want to rush anything at all, but the chemistry between the two of you was very noticeable. so, you raise your eyebrow as you wait for him to tell you.

he smirks, anf you instantly know its another one of his dirty jokes. "never had support from under the desk before."

the minute that sentence leaves his mouth your laughing loudly, quickly trying to stop yourself.

you give him that same look back, smirk turning into a smile as you tease him and tell him maybe one day it'll happen.

you both talk for a bit longer until the two of you decide to call it a night. before yo go, vinnie asks you for your number and you happily give it to him.

he was definitely falling in love with you now if he wasn't already.

thank you nonnie for the request again !! i hope you liked it + everyone else reading this (:

comments, reblogs + feedback of any kind is appreciated <33

tags: @sturnioloshacker , @anqeliclust , @cosmicanakin , @42angelgirl , @leqonsluv3r , @khackerr , @louloulemons-blog , @visualbutterflysworld , @bernelflo , @slvthrs , @0strawberrysorbet0 , @supabhad , @kriissy4gov , @kayleighh , @hallecarey1 , @laylasbunbunny , @defnotayonna , @khxna , @jpg3 , @skye-44 , @eddieslut69 , @thesebitcheslovesosadotcom , @miilzzy

[writingquestionsanswered]

Not to be a downer, but I actually finished my novel and now I’m confused because I don’t want to publish it. I don’t even particularly want anyone other than maybe my two close friends to even read it. What on Earth did I write 40k words (which I know is not really long enough for a novel, but it’s still far and away the longest thing I’ve ever written) for? I know people say “write for yourself” but like… am I just wasting my time? Help?

(p.s. you can leave this off anon)

(p.p.s your blog is really great 👍)

There's No Such Thing as Wasted Writing

I'm going to tackle this two ways...

#1 - "Write For Yourself" - there's a reason this common phrase has echoed through the Hall of Writers since time immemorial. It's because it's true! Writing doesn't have to be anything more than a pastime. It doesn't have to be anything more than something you do for your own benefit and enjoyment.

I have an in-joke with family members about how any time one of us does something the least bit crafty, DIY, skilled, whatever, a particular family member will always say, "You did a great job! You should do it for a living!" Like, someone can't even crochet a Kawaii mushroom without being pressured to turn it into an Etsy dynasty, or paint a cabinet without being pressured to become the next Property Brothers. And that's such a BANANAS capitalistic mindset, isn't it? This idea that nothing can be done purely for our own enjoyment. That you can't just write a novel because you want to... you can only write it if you plan to share it or publish it? It's just so silly.

And, the thing is, we don't even apply that mentality to a lot of other things people do purely for enjoyment. No one is streaming all of Bridgerton in two nights and saying, "I enjoyed every second of that, but why did I do that? Such a waste of time!" No one spends an hour strumming their guitar under the stars on a beach, and then says, "That was so relaxing and fun, but I didn't charge for that performance and I didn't record it to sell it, so that was obviously a waste of time."

You know what I mean?

#2 - And Anyway, Practice Makes Perfect - And if you keep writing--even if you continue not to share or publish--you'll get better and better with each story you write. Which, maybe all that means is you get to appreciate your own improvement, but also, should you ever change your mind and decide to write something to share or publish, you've now spent time honing your skills. Even if those other stories never see the light of day, they're still an important foundation of the writer you become. Do you know how many unpublished novellas, novels, and short stories I have? Too many to count. Hundreds of fan-fiction and original fiction short stories I've only shared with one or two other people, if anyone. A dozen or so novels and novellas that have only been read by a few people, and some haven't been read by anyone else or have only been read by my CPs. I would never consider those stories and novels and novellas to be a waste of time, because I know every single one made me a better writer. My published work is better because I wrote those other things.

So, I hope that makes you feel better. At the very least you hopefully enjoyed writing your novel--or at least got something out of it--and you definitely honed your writing skills, which matters! ♥

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

I’ve been writing seriously for over 30 years and love to share what I’ve learned. Have a writing question? My inbox is always open!

♦ Questions that violate my ask policies will be deleted! ♦ Please see my master list of top posts before asking ♦ Learn more about WQA here

[yandere-sins]

You know how, irl, people get fascinated and turned on by the IDEA Of a yandere? And how a yandere, ofc, stalks and learns as much as they can about their darling? I just imagine the Yandere using that to their advantage and to their Darling's horror. "Oh, but you like this don't you? You've read so many smutty tumblr stories about being taken and taken and held hostage. You reblogged so many headcanons about a character killing your bully or that co-worker you hate. I know all your questionable porn tastes. I know all your deep, dark secrets. I know your violent vent posts that I got to enact for you, Darling! I've given you everything you've ever fantasized about, so of course you'll love me. <3" And of course, the yandere fails to realize that any of those behaviors or actions in real life is absolutely, gut-wrenchingly horrifying. But they think they're giving their darling everything they could ever want, and they'll continue to do so until they stop playing hard to get.

Ngl, probably one of my worst fears for the future, but thanks for requesting because it makes good yandere content :'D

I'm imagining a really smug yandere, you know? One that thinks they are doing you such a big favor and give you all their love by expressing it this way. But in reality, they don't even realize how messed up it is.

They were just breaking into your home after you went to bed to admire their darling from afar for a little bit. They are not daring to stir you from your sleep when they can stand beside you and watch. It is enough; they won't be greedy. But they couldn't have known they'd find the holy grail of smut and depravity on your bookshelf when they started browsing as their curiosity got the better of them. They are almost appalled by their darling, if not for the fact that when they browse through the pages of a random book, the words kidnapping, stalking, love, murder, and quite a few more seem like a temptation made for them especially.

So, you actually like that kind of stuff, huh?

Someone following you on a dark street, their steps noticeable but their face masked as they are always just five steps behind you. You run, they run. There's a red rose on your windowsill the next day. It scares you, but they know now that you are just pretending. That your heart is beating faster now, elated by the chase and the promise of love it brings. The fact that you have your own mad person excites you. The yan continues to borrow one book after the other, annotates them, and takes notes for themselves before putting them back onto your shelf for you to find one day, horrified to see lots of "I'd love to do this to you," "How about I kill the coworker you hate—would that make you love me?" and "Love this, love you, always you" in them.

They thought being a silent observer, loving you from afar, was the way to be with you. But they can't help but masturbate to the sex scenes, thinking about how they'd reenact them with you. Your books will be devastatingly ruined by stains and tears in the pages as they have either ripped out a scene to save for later or bit into the book as they've hit their orgasm. Your bookshelf was a collection of dark romance before, but now it is literally the remnant of a massacre of the once neat collection.

But of course, they won't stop there.

Everyone gets sick of reading books someday, even though it's been nice doing it sitting next to you—part of the yan hoping you might wake up and they get to act out some of the scenes you read about. However, there are more things to uncover and learn from. Your public social media they've stalked so far was nice and dandy, but the favorites and posts you hide on your private computer have so much potential to learn from.

The yan can learn about all these little desires of yours. The masks you like, how you want to be taken, cared for, and loved forever. You seem to believe in soulmates—crazy! They do, too! If the yan is delusional enough, it turns out that you two are so similar to each other—a perfect match. Even the kinks they didn't share with you before can be arranged with enough dedication to you. They'll make preparations so you'll be able to ease into these depraved things that you kept hidden from them. You might have been afraid to act on your desires, but the yan is ready to let you live them out to the fullest.

Never mind that you cry after being chased home, it's what you wanted, right? It doesn't matter how you actually feel when they harass and stalk you, leave you little notes and flowers everywhere, because they are just doing what your book-partners would do (it worked for them, after all). You wanted the yan to be possessive over you; why are you sad that no one wants to be your friend when the yan went to the trouble of making sure everyone would be too scared to approach you? And really, aren't you grateful for the yan taking care of your coworker problem? Was sending you their pinky not enough proof of their love?

How come you don't love them yet? When will you love them like the protagonists of your books?

Haven't they done enough? Are you seriously saying you don't like their gifts and dedication to you? Or perhaps you are just trying to play hard to get... of course! That must be it. You are so lovely; you must know that you deserve to be desired immensely. Only they can desire you as much as to go to such lengths, but perhaps it hasn't been enough yet. You deserve more. You are waiting for the yan to prove their undying, absolute love for you. It must be something big, something extraordinary. Something that will show you just how much they care about your interests and especially you.

They will take you and give you the life you want—you deserve.

Even if you hate them for it.

[springtyme]

Hey luv, hope all is well. So, I just previously read your spencer x girly!reader and I absolutely loved them. While reading the chess part, an idea sparked.

So if possible could you do something similar where Spencie boy and girly!reader are playing chess and she is obviously frustrated or something because she doesn’t understand. So being the amazing boy wonder he is, Spencer secretly acts like he had no good moves and the reader just starts pointing out the moves he could make not knowing he can clearly see those moves and he lets the reader win making her super excited and happy and immediately sets the board back and starts another game.

I just think it would be so cute to see how Spencer would just gaze at and admire the reader as she is focused and asks questions. If this is too confusing or too similar to the original chess part no worries. It’s simply a mere thought I had. Do with it what you please!!!

Love your works and your blog 🥰🤗

𝐂𝐡𝐞𝐜𝐤𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐞, 𝐒𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐭 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐁𝐨𝐲 ♡

Thank you so much, hun ♡ I't makes me so happy to hear that you liked the other ones, I've had so much fun with them. And thank you so much for this request, it's such a cute scenario!

Spencer Reid x girly!reader|| Masterlist || Spencer playlist

summary: Spencer truly can’t believe how lucky he is to have you in his life. With you, everything just feels so natural, despite him being in completely foreign waters. You keep being patient with him, every step of the way. With you, everything just falls into place, like the missing piece of a puzzle finally fitting snugly into its spot. All he ever want to do is make you smile, even when it means that he has to lose in chess on purpose. Part one & part two 💕

word count: 2.0k

a/n: I was actually in a chess club in school, but we did not play chess, so sorry if the chess parts aren’t very accurate, I tried my best, lol.

Spencer watches you intently, his heart swelling with adoration at the sight of you trying your best. He can see the determination in your eyes, the way you furrow your brow in concentration, and it only deepens the love he feels for you. Your stained lips pouting sweetly as you contemplate your next move

You let out an exasperated sigh, leaning back in your chair with a frustrated expression. “I just don’t understand this game, Spence. I feel like I’m making all the wrong moves,” you sigh, moving your knight in a random direction. “At this point I‘m just making moves for the sake of it.”

Spencer can’t help but smile at your frustration, finding it endearing how you get so worked up over a game of chess. Moving your knight wasn’t the best move you could have made, but he doesn’t want to tell you that, and it wasn’t the worst move either. He reaches out to gently place his hand on top of yours, giving it a reassuring squeeze, but he lets his fingers linger for a little while. It always manages to surprise him how soft your skin is, and how it feels so warm and comforting beneath his touch.

You look up at him, your pretty eyes meeting his gaze and Spencer feels how his heart skips a beat at the way your lashes flutter against your cheeks.

“Hey, don’t be so hard on yourself. Some people use their entire life to master this game, and you’ve only been playing for a few weeks,” he reminds you. “You’re doing great, and trust me, you’re not as lost as you think you are.”

You smile softly at his reassurance. “So, what I’m hearing you say is that if I keep going, there’s still a chance that I can be a big old chess nerd like you?” you tease, nudging him playfully.

Spencer chuckles at your teasing, loving the way you always manage to make him laugh, something he hasn’t always had an easy time with. “Hey, being a nerd isn’t that bad, okay?”

“No, it’s not,” you agree, leaning in closer to him. “In fact, I think it’s kind of cute.” Spencer’s heart flutters at your words, feeling a warmth spread through him at the way you look at him with such affection.

Spencer knows many things, arguably too many things, but he will never be able to understand what you see in him, you’re so beautiful and confident and always so kind to everyone, there is no doubt in his mind that you are way, way out of his league, but he is grateful every day that you, for whatever reason, chose him.

“I’m glad you think so,” he mumbles, a slight blush dusting his cheeks at your words.

“I actually think you’re very cute, you know,” you say playfully, reaching up to brush a stray lock of hair out of his face with a gentle touch. Spencer can feel his heart racing in his chest as he looks into your eyes, seeing nothing but love and admiration reflected back at him.

He leans in closer to you, unable to resist the magnetic pull that always seems to bring you both together. Your lips meet in a soft, tender kiss, filled with all the love and affection that Spencer feels for you. In that moment, nothing else matters except for the two of you and the way your hearts beat as one.

As you pull away, a smile tugs at the corners of Spencer’s lips, a smile that only you can bring out in him. “I love you,” he whispers, his voice filled with sincerity and warmth.

“I love you too, Spence,” you respond, your eyes shining with your own smile, bright and full of happiness.

Spencer will never be able to wrap his head around why you love him, but damn he is glad and forever grateful that you do. If he could travel back in time and tell his younger self that he would find someone as amazing and wonderful as you - that someone as beautiful and kind hearted as you would ever love him, he wouldn’t have believed it, he would probably think that it was some kind of cruel joke. But here you are.

It’s overwhelming, really, the love and adoration he feels for you in every fiber of his being. He never knew he could feel this way about someone, never knew that someone could make him feel so alive and complete. The fact that he feels so at home and normal with another person in his life is beyond anything he could have ever imagined.

But with you, everything just feels so natural, despite him being in completely foreign waters, you keep being patient with him every step of the way and with you by his side, it doesn’t seem so daunting anymore. With you, everything just falls into place, like the missing piece of a puzzle finally fitting snugly into its spot.

“Oh, you got something…” you whisper, almost more to yourself than him. He is confused for a short second, until he feels your thumb brush against the corner of his mouth, wiping away the trace of lipstick that had transferred from your lips to his. Spencer chuckles at the realization, feeling a warm rush of affection for you. “There…” you say with a soft smile.

Spencer can’t help but chuckle at the tender gesture, feeling a surge of warmth behind his chest.

“You can’t keep distracting me like this,” you tease, leaning in closer to him with a mischievous glint in your eye. “I’m actually trying to beat you at this game, you know.”

Spencer’s smile widens at your playful tone, a twinkle in his eye as he looks at you. “Who says I’m going to make it easy for you?” he responds, his voice laced with amusement.

“You did! You literally said that you would go easy on me,” you pout, crossing your arms in mock annoyance.

Spencer laughs, a sound that fills the room with joy. “Okay, okay, I may have said that,” he concedes, “but, I don’t think you really need me to, you know. You’re a lot smarter than you give yourself credit for, and I wouldn’t be surprised if you ended up beating me at my own game someday.”

“I doubt that,” you mumble, looking back at the board with furrowed brows.

Spencer leans back in his chair, watching you with admiration as you study the board, he can see the gears turning in your head. He knows what move he should be doing, the move that could make him win the game, but he isn’t really interested in that.

“Well, it looks like I’m running out of options,” he say, feigning defeat as he moves his bishop into a vulnerable position.

You glance up at him. “You could have moved your rook to that square and set up a potential checkmate in a few moves,”you point out, sounding both surprised and proud that you saw the possible move.

Spencer had, of course, seen that it would have been the right move to make, but he wanted to give you a chance to shine, and to prolong the game. Seeing the pride and satisfaction in your eyes is worth more than winning any game ever could.

“Oh, you’re right,” he says, trying to sound surprised, like he hadn’t seen that move multiple rounds in advance. But he must not be a very convincing actor, and he can’t help but smile as he watches the look of realization dawn on your face.

You roll your eyes playfully, seeing right through his act. “You’re such a goof, Spence,” you giggle, shaking your head in amusement. “But thank you for giving me a chance to show off a little.”

“I guess I just wanted to give you a fighting chance,” he says, leaning in closer to you.

You playfully swat at his arm, a laugh escaping your lips. “Dork,” you tease, but there’s a fondness in your tone that makes his heart swell with even more love for you, and he leans in to place a gentle kiss on your forehead, before leaning back again to look at you, his heart overflowing with adoration for you.

You playfully roll your eyes, but there’s a hint of gratitude in your expression. “Well, thanks for the favor,” you say with a smile, moving your queen in a strategic position that surprises Spencer.

He raises an eyebrow in surprise at your move, impressed by your strategic thinking. “Oh, someone’s feeling confident now, huh?” he teases, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips.

You shrug nonchalantly, a mischievous glint in your eyes. “Well, you did say you weren’t going to go easy on me,” you quip, moving your pieces with a newfound determination.

Spencer watches you closely, his heart filled with pride at the way you’re starting to grasp the game more and more and making better and better strategic moves. He can’t help but admire your intelligence and quick thinking, feeling a sense of awe at the way you surprise him at every turn.

And yes, he might go a little easy on you from time to time, but he can see that you’re starting to understand the game on a deeper level. And that, to him, is worth more than winning a game of chess ever could.

As the game progresses, Spencer can see the determination in your eyes, the way you carefully plan out your moves and anticipate his next move

“You’re really giving me a run for my money, aren’t you?” Spencer remarks, a smile playing on his lips as he watches you strategize your next move. You give him a sly grin, clearly enjoying the challenge. “I told you not to underestimate me, Spence,” you say confidently, moving your knight into a position that puts him on the defensive.

Spencer chuckles, impressed by your bold move. “I should know better by now,” he admits, moving his rook to protect his vulnerable bishop. The game continues, each move calculated and strategic, and Spencer can’t help but admire the way you’ve grown since your first game together.

“Checkmate,” you say triumphantly, a grin stretching across your face as you realize you’ve won. Spencer can’t help but smile back, feeling a rush of excitement and happiness at your victory. “Well done, darling,” he says, leaning in to give you a congratulatory kiss.

“I still feel like you went easy on me, but thank you,” you tease, a playful glint in your eye. Spencer can’t help but laugh, feeling grateful for the opportunity to see the excited smile that is lighting up your face, making your already beautiful features shine even brighter with a sense of pride.

“Maybe I did, maybe I didn't,” he teases back, a twinkle in his eye. “But regardless, you did really well, I can’t believe how far you’ve come in such a short amount of time.”

You grin at his words. “Well, I’ve had a really great teacher,” you remark. “And he is, like, sooo handsome too. It’s actually wild that I could even concentrate on the game,” you add with a wink before you’re leaning in to plant a sweet kiss on his lips.

Spencer’s heart flutters at your words, feeling a surge of love and adoration for you that he can’t quite put into words, they are too big and too overwhelming to express, so instead he tries to pour every bit of that love and adoration into the kiss that he returns to you.

He wraps his arms around you, pulling you close to him as he deepens the kiss, savoring the feeling of being so close to you, of sharing this moment. He might have lost the game, but because of you, he has never felt like less of a loser.

As you both pull away, a smile lingers on both of your faces, and Spencer can’t help but feel like the luckiest man alive. “I love you,” he whispers, his voice filled with sincerity and adoration.

“I love you too, Spence,” you respond, your eyes filled with nothing but love and affection for him “Now help me set this board up again, I want to beat you fair and square this time,” you say with a playful glint in your eye. Spencer chuckles at your competitive spirit, feeling a sense of contentment wash over him as he helps you set up the board once more.

[genshin-obsessed]

Breaking Up hcs | Genshin & HSR

Have I done this before? I know I made that "what if we broke up?" post but I don't think I've done break up hcs before? I hope not anyway cuz i'm doing them now! Also, maybe I went overboard a little cuz even I felt bad lol and I usually don't feel sad when I write angst.

Characters: Aether, Diluc, Wanderer, Caelus, Jing Yuan, and Aventurine (lol I'ma try)

☽ Aether

That break up took a toll on him, more so than even he thought at first. Sleeping became his least favorite activity because he was constantly seeing your faces in his dreams. Constantly.

The entirety of Teyvat fell apart for the short time their favorite errand boy refused to do anything for them. Honestly, Aether didn't do anything for the first week or so. He was barely eating, barely sleeping, barely alive.

It was hard adventuring too, Paimon no longer wanted him to go because sometimes he'd just get distracted and take unnecessary hits. It was kinda bad. Eventually, she got Katheryne to no longer give him any combat requests because he just wasn't doing good enough.

All he wanted to do was talk to you, but you didn't want to talk to him, so that led him to just remaining in his teapot alone. He didn't even allow visitors for a short while. Paimon did her best to try and comfort him, but there were so few words that could actually get through that sorrow he was dealing with.

It took maybe a month before he allowed people to come visit him and under no circumstances were they allowed to bring you up. Mainly because he'd cry. Everyone did try in their own way to help him, even people like Wanderer or Arlecchino tried to give him some "words of wisdom". It... didn't work mainly because Aether wasn't receptive to it anymore.

☽ Diluc

He really did busy himself with work like he said he would. It's almost all hours of the day. He's rarely even seen at home anymore.

Ironically, Diluc is still very careful about getting hurt because if he did, then he'd need to remain at home and be on bed rest and he genuinely couldn't handle that.

He no longer sleeps in his bed either. Usually, he comes home later, collapses on the couch for a few hours until some dream about you wakes him up and he's back to work. He can't stand sleeping in that bed because you used to lay right beside him.

No one, I mean no one, is allowed to even say your name. Truth be told, Diluc is barely hanging on by a thread, someone saying your name and bringing your image to his mind's eye would ruin him.

Even Kaeya doesn't tease him. Actually, Kaeya keeps away because Diluc is quite irritable and not many people wanted to deal with that. While they understood the break up upset him... it was just too much.

☽ Wanderer

Oh boy. Breaking up with him was hard because he was angry and yelling (at the situation apparently), and just saying no. Eventually though, he relented and agreed. You didn't want to be with him and... well, it wasn't right to force you.

The aftermath was pretty bad. He was angry, didn't want to talk to anyone, and just up and vanished for a while. It wasn't until Aether and Paimon accidentally stumbled upon him while adventuring that they learned a little about what happened.

(W/n) explained that he never thought he'd lose you. Out of all the people he was "friendly" with, he never thought you would up and leave the way you did. It broke his heart- a heart he didn't even know started beating again.

Aether offered for (w/n) to join him on some adventures to just take his mind off of things and he, surprisingly, agreed. But it wasn't the same. Both Paimon and Aether noticed the lack of energy.

He was also constantly in his own mind. Most conversations happened between Aether and Paimon because (w/n) would just mentally check out and not even be paying attention. He didn't break down and cry physically but emotionally, he was a wreck. But it was so bad, he didn't know what to do. Cry, scream, try and take over the world, he didn't know.

What he did know was that the world didn't feel right without you.

☆ Caelus

You lived on the Astral Express with him and the others. Everyone thought you were the cutest couple and everywhere you went, you two received the same compliments. So, he definitely fell apart a little when you just up and ended the relationship.

The worst part was that he couldn't have time away from you. Not in the mean sense, but if you two were breaking up, he needed (for his own mental health) not to see you every single day. But... that wasn't possible.

It was extremely awkward for everyone on board. Welt and Himeko tried their best to keep things normal, the conductor did their best to keep conversations going, and Dan Heng just didn't bother coming out of his room. Caelus took a page from Dan Heng's books and just locked himself away for like two weeks.

When it was finally time for him to come out, he took time off of the express, choosing to go visit some old friends to regain some of that normalcy. Jarilo VI was where he spent most of his time as he hadn't been there in a while. He stayed there without the others for maybe two or so weeks, finding ample time to spend with Natasha, Seele, Bronya, Serval, and Gepard.

While he didn't openly state you two broke up, everyone knew. He did go and visit the Xianzhou which Dan Heng did join him in doing which was a good bonding experience for the two. It was when he finally opened up about losing you. According to Caelus, everything felt so wrong. Like a part of him was missing and that part was so close to his reach. But every single day, he had to pretend like it wasn't.

☆ Jing Yuan

He really didn't know what to do at the moment. He kinda stopped paying attention after you said you wanted to end the relationship. He tried to convince you otherwise, saying that breaking up wouldn't give him the chance to fix it but you were pretty adamant. He couldn't just say no... so he said ok and you were gone.

He tried to act normal. He did his job normally for the first day and that's when it all started to fall apart. The second he had time alone, it just hit him so painfully. You thought him losing his old friends was painful? This was a whole new level.

The second day, he couldn't really perform his duties as well and just handed them off to the first person he saw. Yanqing was most worried and desperately tried to get anyone's help because he didn't know what to do. It led him straight to the Astral Express and unsurprisingly, no one knew what to do.

Jing Yuan didn't even want help, honestly. He'd been hurting for years carrying the memories he did, so what was one more painful one? Maybe it was some sort of divine justice? Jing Yuan wasn't the most upstanding man, right? So he probably deserved this. What right did he have to just go and fix it?

Caelus did end up finding him out and about once, having the chance to share tea with Jing Yuan. The general explained he didn't know how to fix anything anymore. While it wasn't healthy to live life this way, it was his punishment probably. Caelus' concern led him to ask that burning question: why?

"I should've done better. Treated them better... maybe then... I'd still have them."

☆ Aventurine

He almost didn't register the words that came out of your mouth. You... break up with him? You were talking, explaining why, but he couldn't really follow. It's like his brain just stopped working and all he could think was 'this wasn't supposed to happen'.

At the end of it, you were gone and he was alone. Aventurine expected betrayal in his line of work, but he never expected it from you. Your "deal" with him was special. It wasn't like his normal deals. It was one that you two emerged equally victorious and no one lost anything. Right?

Even Ratio had pity for him. Aventurine waltzed around as if nothing happened but there was such a dramatic shift in his personality. He said the same things he always did, he acted as if he always did, but there was a distinct bitterness when he spoke of being let down.

When he told people to make use of him, there was a hint of resentment laced in his words. While he claimed he expected to be exploited at some point, there was still a twinge of fear. It never hurt before but for some reason, it scared him now.

He did briefly open up to Ratio, who was just berating him as usual, and it even took him by surprise. Aventurine didn't say much, but he did say how he figured everyone in the world to want to set him on fire for one reason or another. He just didn't expect it would be you to light the flame. Veritas called him an idiot and said you had every right to leave, which Aventurine wholeheartedly agreed with.

You did have every right to leave. You just didn't have the right to take whatever made him feel normal.

[bananayuyu]

Lust & Love & Loss

Pairing: Yunho x f reader

Genre: angst, smut, a sprinkling of fluff

Word count: 10.5k

Summary: Graduation was meant to be celebrated, you knew that. But all you wanted was distraction, now that you knew how bad of a granddaughter you'd been.

Warnings: smut, MDNI, semi-public sex, safe sex (we love condoms), degradation and praise, throat fucking, spanking, dom/sub dynamics, (it's kinda nasty but he obviously loves her)

A/n: Just lost a grandparent and this is how I'm coping 😭 idk what that says about me. I hope y'all enjoy <3

"How does it feel to be a college graduate?"

You slowly turn your head over your right shoulder, eyes locking with your favorite grad student. No longer a grad student, now that he'd graduated too. His cap is still on, gown blowing gently in the wind. It barely reaches past his knees, his jeans and scuffed converse sticking out underneath.

"You couldn't even be bothered to wear some nice shoes for graduation?" you ask, eyes narrowing.

"It's not fair that my feet are on display when everyone else's aren't. I can't believe they don't have a longer size than this one," he responds, staring back at you, his eyes so obviously trailing to your lips. You know that look, at least you're pretty sure you do, and you have a feeling you know exactly why he's here talking to you.

"Well I still wore nice shoes," you say, pulling up your gown to reveal your platform black leather boots.

"Aren't you special," he jokes.

"Now I've got a college degree like everyone else," you chuckle, rolling your eyes and looking around at the sea of robes around you, the meandering families and friends taking photos with and hugging their loved ones.

"Are your friends here?" he asks, looking around too, suddenly looking a little nervous.

"No, they already left. Jenna has work today and Mags is helping out with set up and take down so she had to run. Well, I told her to run. It's volunteer, so, you know, she could have stayed longer," you look back to him, eyes flitting up and down awkwardly. You don't know why you still get this way with him, after two years of knowing each other. "I didn't feel like standing around and making a moment of it. Just any other day," you laugh, looking back up.

The intensity, the darkness, it roils beneath your surface, and you really fucking hope it doesn't show all over your face. You were in no mood to celebrate, not after the past few weeks you'd had. Yunho didn't dare ask again why your family wasn't here, because the last time he'd asked you'd shut him down so harshly that he knew to never broach the subject again. At least, not on a crowded football field filled with many students who may or may not know you. Maybe another time, in a more private location, he could get the answer from you, but he knew his wish was unlikely to come true.

"I know you don't like celebrating things, but me and Mingi and San are having people over to our place tonight. It'll just be close friends, everyone you already know. If you'd like to come, have some fun, you know, loosen up a bit," he smirks at you, holding his hands behind his back and tilting his head to the side.

"You can just say you want to fuck me, you know," you shoot back, crossing your arms over your chest. "Yun-ho," you drawl, laughing at your own stupid play on words.

"I like hanging out with you too, you know," he mocks you.

"Is that so?" you ask, raising your eyebrows.

"We might not have many more opportunities to, before I'm off to Maine," he says, and you can't explain why it shoots through you so painfully. So deeply. It's like there's a deep scar it's reopening, or something inside that's never fully healed. You don't like it.

You really don't like it.

"What time?" you ask, blinking back the thin layer of tears that so quickly formed, eyeing him more harshly than you realize.

"We're ordering food from that Chinese place San likes, probably like seven or so, but you can come whenever. What should we order for you?" he asks.

"Oh, y'all don't have to get me food, it's okay," you shake your head, remembering your leftover lentil soup in the fridge. You should really eat that up today, before it goes bad.

You don't want to lose it.

Why do I care?

"Chicken or tofu with your fried rice?" he asks.

"Tofu," you answer, eyes falling to the ground a moment. That feeling, I really fucking hate it, you think. You want it to stop, you're desperate. You'd been numb all morning, able to go through the motions of getting dressed and walking to the stadium without a single feeling.

Why am I feeling it now?

"Wait, no seriously, you don't have to get me anything, I have some soup I should eat. It'll go bad if I don't," you look back at him, at his brows that are pulled together in a look of concern.

"Mm," he hums, nodding at you, that look still plastered on his face. "Be there by seven. Earlier if you want, like I said," he finishes.

You just stare at him, your body now turned in his direction, your arms hanging loosely at your side. He closes the distance between you with a step, wrapping his arms around in a friendly hug, putting your face into his shoulder and caressing the back of your head.

"Congratulations," he says, squeezing you for a moment, your arms not moving an inch. But your body starts to shake a bit, the feelings starting to snake their way through your nervous system and make you jittery.

"Thank you," you whisper, and he pulls away, snaking his way back through the crowd, finding Mingi and San and walking off with them.

++++++++++++++++++++

"Marcos, give me that!" you hear Letitia scream, her little boy no doubt running through the house with a knife or scissors in hand. You stumble to the back of the house you live in, sneaking through the back door that opens to your tiny hallway. Your bedroom and bathroom sit across from each other, the doors dirty and dented at the bottom from the capricious toddler, who had more of a penchant for destruction than any other kid you'd known. Letitia was kind though, so kind, and you were thankful to have had a place so close to campus for your years here. Six years, six long years of working and studying, grinding every last bit of productivity out of yourself that you possibly could. You snuck into your room quietly, hoping to avoid any questions about graduation, or the classic, 'How are you doing? You've been so busy lately.'

Letitia was kind, but she was your landlord, and you toed the line between kindness and professionalism with her. Now especially, with everything going on with the family, your granddad, all of the unknown possibilities...

You didn't want her knowing anything. If what your Dad said will happen does actually happen, what he seems to be wishing will happen, you'll be moving out of here sometime this summer. And though you've grown attached to this place, it isn't really your choice. Or it doesn't feel like it is, even if it should be.

It was something you felt deep within you, a feeling that came and went, and only ever gave you a few seconds of its time. You weren't sure you'd ever be able to fully name it, fully understand it. Why it kept evading your conscious you weren't sure, but the fact that it was real, that it was definitely something of importance, couldn't be denied.

You pulled off your heavy boots, slumping them into your tiny closet, stripping off the fitted outfit you'd worn to graduation. You weren't sure why you felt obligated to dress up, when seemingly no one else did. You threw your clothes in the hamper, soaked with sweat from the hot summer day, and grabbed your favorite loose t-shirt and some baggy sweats.

If you were making it over to the party, there was no way you were dressing up today. Not that you ever did to go hang out with Yunho and his friends.

"I'm heading to my friend's place on Cornell, I'm walking," you told Letitia as you entered the living room, your phone, wallet and keys all held in one hand. It seemed like a bit of a slap in the face, the fact that your university decided on naming all of the surrounding streets after colleges far more prestigious than yours.

"Sounds good, please be safe," she smiles at you, Marcos struggling out of her grip to come and hug your leg.

"If I don't have a ride back, I'll just stay over there," you assure her, trying to smile back.

"I can always give you a ride, if you don't want to stay," she says, tilting her head at her son and his adorable face. He loves when you wear baggy pants so that he can hang off of them.

"It's fine, I've stayed over there before. No worries," you say, peeling the toddler off of you, wrestling with him for a moment to get him back in his mother's lap.

"Okay, have a fun time sweetheart," Letitia says, smiling again, looking like she might not know what else to say. You're unsure if she knows already, logically, that you're probably moving out now that you've graduated. Though it isn't a given, you reason, it's always possible you'd find work in this small town or decide to go to grad school now. But keeping her in the dark about everything is what you've decided to do, and really nothing could persuade you to change that decision.

Even if she'd picked you up that first night you'd went out, and saved you from potentially the worst case scenario.

"Thanks, have a good night," you answer, walking out the back door again, making your way through the alley way the leads right down to the street where Yunho lives.

++++++++++++++++++++

"You made it." Yunho's face is bright, lips stretching into his beautiful smile, as he opens the door and ushers you in.

"Mmhm," you respond, nodding, stepping cautiously into the apartment. You're out of breath from the three flights of stairs, your face slightly flushed, you're sure of it. The wind picked up on your walk over, your hair blown about and now a bit tangly. You run your fingers through it, snagging on one of the tangles.

Wincing, in a way he's seen a lot.

"You're early," he jokes, looking over to the living room, not a soul in sight.

"You said-" you stutter, cutting yourself off.

"I know, I'm kidding," he responds. "Do you want to put those in my room?"

You just nod, following him in silence, your chest feeling tight. You don't know why you suddenly feel so exposed, suddenly feel like maybe you shouldn't have come, or at least not so early. You just didn't feel like sitting in your bedroom any longer.

He opens his door, and you come in and plop down on his bean bag, setting your stuff down next to you. At least on this bean bag chair you can curl into yourself, holding your legs close and leaning your head to the side, sighing deeply. Yunho grabs his glasses from his side table, picking up the little remote that sits there, setting the LEDs in his room to a comforting mix of pink and purple. He pops out to the living room to do the same, and you overhear San letting him know the food's on its way, arriving in fifteen minutes. Just then a knock sounds on the front door, and San goes to open it to his best friend Wooyoung, and Yeosang and Jongho are tagging along too, quickly making for the refrigerator to find the cold beer.

"Yo, is y/n coming?" you hear Jongho ask, and your ears perk up.

"Already here, she's in my room," Yunho responds.

"Oh, damn," Jongho replies, and you don't know if it's his face or some other hidden meaning, but you hear the boys chuckle in unison.

"How much should I Venmo you San?" Yunho asks.

"Don't worry about it man, it's a graduation gift," he laughs, slapping him gently on the back. "Oh there he is," San says, and you hear the low rumble of Mingi's voice greeting everyone.

"What, were you taking a shit or something?" Yeosang asks, making the group burst into laughter. You curl in on yourself more, cringing.

Men.

Poop was only fun to talk about when it was you and your friends joking around. You didn't give a shit if that was a double standard.

"Hey, everyone's starting to arrive," Yunho says as he enters his room again, not bothering to close the door. The sounds of male conversation tumble in from the kitchen, and the more you hear the less you're wanting to join, really. Not that it was all disgusting, not that any of them were. It was just that they were people, and a lot of them, and you didn't have it in you to talk tonight. "You're so quiet. Graduation got you all depressed?" Yunho asks, eyeing you from his desk, where he's hurriedly trying to organize the absolute mess in front of him.

"No, it's not that. Just don't really feel like talking I guess," you say, staring back. "Why are you organizing that now?"

"Cause you're here," he says, chuckling in almost an embarrassed way.

"I'm not your girlfriend," you retort, shaking your head.

"I know that," he says, but the look he shoots you says so many other things, his eyes hiding so much as he stares at you sideways. "I don't want you to think I'm a slob."

You just shrug your shoulders, looking away, sinking further into the plushness.

"Are you ever going to tell me why you're upset?" he says, finishing what little organizing he could muster, sitting down on the floor right in front of you, a hand coming to reach out and rest on your thigh.

"Upset?" you ask, not moving away from his touch, but not moving into it either.

"With me," he says.

"I'm not upset with you," you say, shaking your head.

"So if it's not about graduation, or about me, then what is it about?" he asks.

"You know what it's about," you sigh, breaking your eye contact.

"Barely," he replies.

"It's better that way, trust me," you sigh, looking back towards him, tears brimming in your eyes. You're generally good at holding it in, at crying by yourself in your room when you know no one's watching, when you can think whatever thoughts you have and not worry how they'll hurt anyone else. But his touch, it's too comforting, and it's been too long since you've felt the warmth, his warmth that sinks through you and makes you forget about everything else.

You lean forward, pushing off of the chair to crawl into his lap, wrapping yourself around him.

"Please tell me," he says softly in your ear. But all you do is shake your head, shoving your face into his chest, trying to forget everything.

++++++++++++++++++++

"Y/n, aren't Yunho's glasses sexy?" Wooyoung asks you, right as you put a huge bite of rice in your mouth, forcing you to nod awkwardly as you try to chew quickly. "I think he should wear them more, stop wearing contacts every day."

You continue nodding, awkwardly swallowing your food, reaching for the glass of water you'd placed on the coffee table. You're sat with Wooyoung, San, Mingi and Yunho in their tiny living room area, the rest of the guests still mingling in the kitchen, a few more arriving after the food had arrived. There is one girl, Seonghwa, who you're pretty sure is Hongjoong's girlfriend, but you don't know for sure. You don't know Hongjoong well enough to really ask that, either, but you made sure to give the girl a genuine smile when she walked in. Another female presence in the space did put you at ease, at least a little.

"They're too much of a hassle, they get dirty so easily," Yunho says, saving you from having to answer the question.

"You'd get so much female attention if you did though, I'm sure," Wooyoung says, shooting a playful glance your way. "Don't you think?"

"Woo, stop messing with her," Yunho says, feeling your body tense up beside him.

"I'm not messing with her, I'm genuinely curious if she finds those glasses sex-"

"Woo, stop." This time Yunho is firm, firmer than you've known him to be with his friends, and the looks around you indicate that it isn't a common occurrence at all. The five of you fall into a tense silence, only the sounds of chewing and swallowing filling the space.

"You sure you don't want a beer?" Mingi asks you, hoping to change the subject and break the tension.

"No, I'm good," you say, voice small, shaking your head.

"Yunho? Want another?" Mingi asks, standing up with his empty can in hand, heading back towards the kitchen.

"Nah, I think I'll just have one tonight," he replies, throwing back the last of his can.

"Really?" his friends all ask in unison.

It wasn't like one beer would make him feel anything. And it wasn't like they were drinking delicious beer. Never had Yunho drank just one, if he chose to drink. They all knew something was up, but what it was, they had no idea.

++++++++++++++++++++

"Hey, I'm Seonghwa, I wasn't sure if you remember me," Seonghwa says, sneaking up beside you while you clean off your plate and fork, placing them in the dish drainer to the side of the sink.

"You let me smoke your weed, how could I forget?" you respond, smiling over at her and gently taking her dirty plate from her hands. "I'm y/n, if you forgot my name," you say, getting to work on scrubbing her dishes clean.

"You graduated today, right?" she asks, black bangs brushing over her eyes, her thin hips leaning against the counter.

"Yeah," you sigh, giving her a weak smile.

"Not much fun, is it?" she asks you.

"Not really," you say, finally placing her dishes in the rack next to yours.

"Last year it was so boring, our commencement speaker talked so slow that I nearly fell asleep. And I sweated like crazy, I hated it," she chuckles.

"Yeah ours was... hmm. I don't want to insult that random woman who I know nothing about, but let's just say, not very inspiring. And same, I sweated so badly, I didn't realize how damn hot those robes would be," you reply.

"It's so annoying. Like please just give us our diplomas and let us go," she jokes, making you laugh.

"For real, I'm twenty-four years old, and none of my family is even coming, we don't need to be announcing everyone's names like this. It's so goofy," you say.

"I guess some people's family's come, but I wouldn't know what that's like," she smiles, tilting her head in understanding.

"Yeah, what is that like? Having a picture-perfect family? I know it's rare, but there are some out there."

"Makes for some very unfunny kids, I'll tell you that," she laughs.

"Still, I envy them," you chuckle.

"Oh, of course. I doubt that feeling will ever go away," she smiles.

Right then you wish you could teleport out of here, with her, and just float on a cloud and watch the sunset.

"Do you wanna smoke?" she asks, and pulls a tiny tube from her small black purse, popping open the top and pulling out a perfectly-rolled blunt, it's edge crisp and white.

"Is that from Astronaut Status?" you ask and she nods, chuckling at your reaction. "You're gonna share your expensive weed with me?"

"I'd rather share it with you than any of those bozos," she says, tilting her head in the direction of the living room. You burst out laughing for a moment, grabbing onto the counter.

"Well thank you, it would be an honor," you say, jokingly curtsying to her, making her laugh too.

"Do they have a balcony?" she asks, looking around to the window in the living room, right to the left of their TV.

“They’ve each got a small one off their bedrooms.  Let’s use Yunho’s,” you say, knowing the tree bordering the park behind covers most of the view, making it almost feel like a private place.

“They’ve each got balconies?” she asks as you both make your way to the hallway, raising her eyebrows at you.

“I know, it’s kinda fancy.  They’ve all got really good scholarships, so, yeah,” you say, making your way through Yunho’s still open door.  You quickly grab your phone off of his beanbag, Seonghwa waiting for you to show the way.  You gently unlock the door to his balcony and push it open, the hinges creaking slightly.

“Oh, this is nice,” She says as soon as she steps outside behind you, taking in the tree in all of it’s glory, it’s summer blossoms starting to edge towards blooming.

“You should see it in late summer, the flowers are this deep orange color, so pretty,” you say, closing the door gently behind you two.

“Wait, so how long have you and Yunho been together?" she asks, searching her bag for her lighter.

“Oh, we’re not dating,” you say, sighing.  “We’re both too busy for that,” you chuckle.

“Is that so?” she asks you, finally lighting the blunt, taking the first inhale and handing it over to you.

“Genuinely, I’m so busy most of the time I don’t even have a sex drive anymore.  If teen me could see me now, she’d be shocked,” you say, making Seonghwa laugh, as you take a hit yourself.  You cough, your lungs squeezing in on themselves for a moment.  “Fuck, I haven’t done this in a while,” you laugh, handing it back to Seonghwa.

“I get what you mean, I think that really does happen.  People get so busy they don’t even think about relationships or sex.  But people date in all kinds of situations, it sounds like you just don’t want to date him?”  Her knowing eyes are fixed on you, and in the fading sunlight her features are striking.

“I don’t know, I guess I don’t,” you say, turning away.  “I mean, we’ve only hooked up like six times in the last year, or maybe seven, I can’t remember.  I haven’t hooked up with anyone else, I genuinely haven’t had the time or desire.  I guess it’s nice to know, with him it’ll be good.  It’ll be safe.  I don’t have to worry about some stranger hurting me, or doing something awkward, or something that I hate.  It’s never a wasted night with him, at least.”

“How wholesome,” she laughs.

“Shit’s been weird lately, I don’t know if I really have the emotional capacity for a relationship,” you say, looking back to her as she hands you the blunt again.

“You never know.  That may very well be true, but sometimes things work when you least expect them to.  Romantic relationships are… strange…” she trails off, as you blow out the smoke, this time your lungs accepting their fate.  You nod at her, handing it back, taking a deep breath.  “What’s been going on?” she asks.

“My grandpa is dying,” you say, not sure why now this feels so easy, with this nearly complete stranger.  “He has dementia.”

“That’s an awful one,” she says, sighing as she exhales smoke.

“Yeah,” you say, turning to look up into the night sky.

“How far along is he?” she asks, holding the blunt out to you, and you shake your head.

“Well, we had to put him in a memory care facility about two and a half months ago, because it was to the point that he couldn’t do nearly anything for himself.  He couldn’t dress himself anymore, he would forget to eat, he stopped bathing, all that stuff.  I guess he lost control of his bowels too, so that was the last straw for my dad.  It was really hard on my grandma to try to take care of him, and at that point it was just too much.  But he’s progressed really fast now that he’s in the home, he doesn’t remember any of us anymore.  He’s in a wheelchair.  Before he went there he could still walk, still remember all of our names.  It’s all happening really fast.”

“Do you visit him a lot?” she asks, and you shake your head, tears starting to form again.  But you fight them down.  “Shit, is he somewhere far away?”

“Yeah, my family’s from the city but like, the center of the city, so maybe a thirty minute drive from here, but the place they found is in the west suburbs, so the drive is nearly an hour.  And I have to borrow someone’s car, either my landlord’s or one of my friends.  It’s hard,” you say, still not looking at her.

“Were you close?”

“Yes and no, I mean I grew up living in the same city as my grandparents, they’d always come to my sports games or whatever.  But my family isn’t very close, period, none of us are.  I am an only child, so when I did stay at their house while my parents were out of town I’d get a lot of one on one time with him, but I don’t know, there’s nothing that memorable.  He could be grumpy, and kind of mean sometimes.  But nothing crazy.  Just a normal old man, in many ways,” you sigh.

“It’s still hard though, I’m sure.  With family, it’s always hard,” she says, taking a final puff, putting out the blunt on the stone wall bordering the balcony.

“My dad’s pissed that I haven’t visited in so long,” you say, looking back at her, finding comfort in her striking face.  “I haven’t been able to since the second week he was there, this semester’s just been too busy.  I went yesterday, crashed at my parents, then drove back this morning.  He didn’t remember me at all.  It was so fucking weird.”

“It’s so scary that so many of us live so long, that we forget everyone for years before we pass,” she replies, the look in her eyes making it clear she knows that from experience, not just from empathy.

“I know,” you say, shaking your head.  “I promised my dad I’d visit all summer, two times a week.  And I’ll probably be moving back with my parents so that it’s easier, we’ll see.  I haven’t decided yet.  Living with them… I don’t know if I can do it again,” you sigh, and Seonghwa nods in understanding.

“You have to do what’s right for you,” she says.

“Is it weird that I don’t even find it that sad? I’m more worried about how it’ll affect my Dad who's freaking out, about how it’ll affect my grandma, and my mom is just like completely emotionally checked out, she’s doing so much extra shit at her job right now.  They’re all a mess, it seems like they’re all devastated.”

“You don’t feel any of that devastation?”

“Uh, I don’t think so?” you respond.

“You haven’t thought about it?” she asks, looking at you. 

“Death is a part of life, I’ve known that for forever.  It just happens, we can’t prevent it.  Despite this crazy civilization we’ve built, where so much of what we do has nothing to do with nature, we are animals.  We die, there’s no stopping that.  And my grandpa is eighty, that’s pretty old,” you say, sighing.

“It still can pull at you though, even if you don’t fear death like most people.  And it’s okay that you haven’t visited him, you’ve had important things you’ve been working on.  We can’t always put our life on hold because a family member is sick.”

“Tell that to my Dad,” you chuckle, pulling your arms in to hold yourself.

“Honestly, fuck your Dad, if he’s making you feel bad about that,” Seonghwa replies, her eyes sparkling in reflection of a distant passing car’s headlights.

“You’re cool, I like you,” you laugh, smiling in her direction.

“Says you,” she replies, smiling too.

“Me?”

“Yes, you have such cool style, always so calm and collected,” she says, eyeing you.

“Glad to know that’s how I come off to other people,” you laugh, looking at her with disbelief.  “It’s absolute chaos in here,” you say, pointing to your head.

“I get that, people tell me the same thing a lot and I’m like, nothing about me seems calm to me, but okay,” she laughs, raising her hands in a shrugging gesture.  “I hope you don’t dislike this, but I totally though you were gay when I first met you.  Cause you dress so masculinely,” she says.

“Oh yeah, I get that all the time, especially here at college.  I mean, I guess I’m like pan or something, definitely not 100% straight, but I do still like getting dicked down, I guess.  Though I suppose anyone could do that for me, if they had a strap.”  You both laugh, a warmth sitting in the air between you.

Suddenly Seonghwa’s phone starts sounding, a gentle song of wind chimes playing.

“Ah, shit, it’s time for us to go.  I gotta take Hongjoong to the airport super early tomorrow, so I’m gonna try to get us some actual sleep tonight.  It was so good talking to you though, I’m so glad we got the chance to smoke, and everything,” she smiles at you, looking like she wants to take a step forward.

“Can I give you a hug?” you ask, and she steps forward, answering your question with her arms around your shoulders.  “Sorry for the trauma dump,” you say as she pulls away.

“No need to apologize.  I loved it.  I like dating boys, but there’s nothing else that compares to the way girls can just be open with me.  And I love it, truly,” she says, phone in hand.

“Thank you, for the conversation and the weed,” you say, making her laugh once more, as she opens Yunho’s door and dips back inside.

“Of course, have a good night!” she’s says.

“You too,” you reply, and you gently shut the door behind her, breathing deep and letting the fuzziness of your slight high hit you, staring softy into the darkness of the park below.

++++++++++++++++++++

Yun Ho: Did you go home? Y/n: I’m on your balcony

It only took about fifteen seconds, and the door from Yunho’s room was swinging open, the hinges squeaking more sharply this time with how forcefully he opened it.

“I thought you’d left,” he said, invading your space in an instant, wrapping his arms around you again.  “Did you smoke?”

You nod your head against him, tucking your arms in between both of your stomachs, letting him cradle you.

“So no beer, but you wanted to smoke?” he asks.  It almost sounds accusatory.

“Seonghwa has nice weed,” you say, rolling your eyes, a bit pissed but not even sure why, and certainly not mad that he’s holding you like this.

“I didn’t think you liked it,” he says.

“What, can I not smoke?” you ask.

“No, you can do whatever you want,” he says, pulling back and looking at your eyes.  “Do you feel high?”

“Barely, I look like two hits,” you say, staring back at him.  “You’re being so weird,” you say, looking at him with confusion, and contempt.

“I’m just checking on you, baby,” he says, inspecting your whole body as if those two hits could have somehow caused you to grow an extra limb.

“Baby?” you ask, raising your eyebrows at him.

“You are my baby,” he says, and you roll your eyes and stick your tongue out, pointing your finger down your throat.  “We both know things would be different between us if you hadn’t been so busy this year,” he says, crossing his arms over his chest.

“If we hadn’t been so busy,” you retort, crossing your arms too.  “You were working on a master’s thesis until about two weeks ago, do you remember that?” you ask, tone patronizing, but he knows you're joking.

“Oh, I was?” Yunho jokes back, squinting his eyes and playing dumb in that way that always gets you.

“Shut up,” you laugh, smacking his upper arm with your hand, and his arms relax too as he grabs your wrist, fighting back.

“Come here,” he says, pulling you into him, one hand reaching around to the small of your back, the other landing gently on the side of your neck, pulling your face up to him.  He places a gentle kiss on your lips, his first taste of you in over a month, his body reacting instantly.  Yours is too, a hunger lit inside of you every time he touches you like this, kisses you like this, reminding you that you do like this, need this.  You hold on to his upper arms, letting him pull back to lick along your bottom lip like he loves to do, then dive back into you harder, putting both hands behind your back to hold you close.

Finally he pulls back, a hand coming up to brush a strand of hair out of your face.

“You doing okay?” he asks, his enlarged pupils making his eyes look so very alert.

“Mm,” you mumble back, shaking your head, in an attempt to tell him you won’t answer his question.  But to him it just looks like you're saying no, and his eyebrows pull up in concern again.

“So something’s going on, but you won't tell me?” he asks.

“You’re a boy,” you answer, shaking your head.

“I’m 26?” he says, tilting his head at you.

“I trust no boy with my emotions,” you say, knowing it’s a revealing thing to say, and honestly not sure how he’ll respond.

“I’m not that other boy, or man, or whoever you’re talking about,” he says, and you just stare at him, eyes a bit wide.  At least Yunho wasn’t dumb, at least he understood that your distrust of men came from the countless, genuinely countless times the men in your life had broken your trust and hurt you.

He thought that probably explained a lot, about you.

It explained a lot about him, too.

“What can I do, to get you to tell me?” he asks, rocking you back and forth, trying to do anything he can to make you feel calm and ready to share.  But you just shake your head again, eyes on his, lips sealed tightly together.  “You can tell me anything, I promise,” he says, turning his head to the side, trying to coax it out of you.

You can tell.

But that isn’t what you want right now.  Not when he can give you something so much better.

“Just fuck me already, please,” you sigh, looking at him with a pathetic needy look, and he sighs too, mad that you’ve won, pissed that you always get what you want from him.  He can’t be too mad though, when just the smallest taste of you is all he needs to be happy for the next month.

His mouth is open at is meets yours, no tongues at play yet, but your lips are wrapped deeply around each other in a hungry kiss, your breathing unsteady as soon as he’s made contact.  His hands snake under your shirt, feeling over every bit of skin he can find, finally adding his tongue to the mix and swiping it deeply through your mouth, your own tongue feeling electric at the contact.  The feeling snakes right down to your core, right to your clit, and you can’t help but tremble against him, feeling so unfairly empty, needing his tongue down there, fingers down there, anything.  He pushes a knee between your legs as your back comes to rest against the stone wall surrounding the balcony, your own hands greedily reaching underneath his shirt, then snaking down into his pants, fighting with the layers of fabric, and then fighting with his own hand that is preventing yours from reaching for his cock.  You shouldn’t be surprised he doesn’t want that yet, you’ve done this with him before, but you can’t help the visceral anger and want that his rejection has caused you.  You whine into his mouth, your eyebrows scrunching in frustration and hurt, as he pins your arm behind your back with his, swiping his tongue even deeper against yours.

You pull back, breaths ragged as he now attacks your neck, sparks of pleasure shooting up into your head and making you feel dizzy.

“Stop teasing, Yunho please,” you beg, knowing he likes drawing this out, because you get so damn sensitive and needy and it makes him feel fucking amazing.  He chuckles against your skin, running his tongue up the side of your neck, landing by your ear lobe and sucking on it, making you nearly scream in pleasure.

Your ears are too much, he knows that.  He’s trying to get you riled up, and of course it’s fucking worked.

“Yunho, stop, I c-can’t take it,” you nearly cry, pushing against his shoulder to try to move him off of you.

“Tell me what you want,” he says in your ear, kissing your neck a bit more gently, giving you the chance to actually answer him.  You whine though, hating when he makes you say these things, say the words he so loves to hear.

You hate how much you love to say it.

“Tell me, baby, you can do it,” he encourages, hands still roaming you.

“I- I want you to fuck me,” you start, breath stuttering as you finish your sentence.  “I need you t-to fuck me,” you manage, making him smile against you again, finally pulling back and just looking at you, the hints of the smile still there.  “I want your cock inside me,” you say with your eyes on the ground, never able to say it while looking at him, not sure if you could bear just how much you like the humiliation.

It wasn’t until him that you found out how much you liked it.

“Good girl. Stay right here, don’t move,” he says, and you oblige, watching him with wide eyes as he ducks into his room, returning in mere moments and almost slamming the door behind him.  In his hand is a condom, which he rips open with ease, looking up to see your surprised face.

“Turn around,” he says, and you do, standing now facing the tree, the park below.  “Put your arms on the wall baby, there,” he says as he moves you, placing your forearms on the wide ledge of the wall.  He pulls down his own sweats enough to free his cock, quickly rolling the condom down, then steps forward to grab at your sweats and panties, pulling them both down in one swift motion.  With his hand he tests the waters for a moment, sticking a finger in you with no warning, making you cry out in pleasure, feeling just how unbelievably wet you are already.

He knows you don’t need any more preparation, so he lines himself up with your entrance, pushing in slowly, simultaneously moving his hand that was just inside you in front of your mouth.  You obediently open up, letting him stick his fingers down your throat, tasting your own sweet muskiness that makes your whole body reel with pride.

Sometimes you wish you could clone yourself, just so you could get an unbridled taste of your own cunt.

“You’re so damn needy,” he says in your ear, leaning over to whisper to you, starting with slow thrusts of his hips, your legs already shaking as you choke on the fingers in your mouth.  “Can’t wait two fucking seconds to get fucked, you have to have it right away,” he says, picking up the pace every so slightly, the sound of skin slapping starting to fill the air.  “All you want is to be choking on my fingers while your pussy is filled with my cock, huh?”  You attempt to nod, even with his fingers in your mouth, and you end up gagging on them harder, your pussy clenching from just how good it feels.

Maybe you were his baby.  But he knew exactly what you wanted when his cock was buried this deep inside you.

"Why have you been avoiding me then, hmm?" he asks you, picking up his pace, placing his free hand around your neck to hold you there. He can feel your throat repeatedly gagging now, from the outside and the inside, spit starting to escape your lips and drip down onto the branch of trees just below you. "You haven't been that busy, baby, I know that."

His cock is repeatedly hitting that perfect spongy place inside you, over and over with such force, your legs are trembling uncontrollably now. Yunho watches as your thigh muscles involuntarily twitch, making your ass jiggle as his cock disappears inside your cunt. It's a miracle he isn't coming on the spot, feeling your tears drip down onto his forearm, knowing you're so fucking close yourself.

He knows once you start to cry you can only take a few more seconds of gagging, so he slowly pulls his fingers from your mouth, your body heaving with it's sudden ability to breathe normally.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," you mumble, trying to wipe the spit and tears from your face as he fucks you even harder, his hands on your hips now to give him the leverage he needs.

"I know baby, I know," he chides, his cock reaching impossibly far inside you, your body finally letting go and coming, pussy twitching hard.

"Fuck, fuck," you whisper as your vision goes white, not remembering for a second where you are, not even feeling the cold stone underneath your forearms.

"Good girl," he says behind you, fucking you until he feels your pussy start to release. He pulls out slowly, reaching over to open the door, then grabbing you and slinging you over his shoulder, your bare cunt up to the sky for the world to see.

Once he's thrown you on his bed he's clawing at your clothes, taking them off with a hurriedness that makes you giggle, and he shakes his head at you, holding a finger up to his lips to shush you. You can't help it though, your mind slipping into your favorite headspace, where you can't really control anything that you say or think, and you just feel free.

"Hand and knees," he says as he strips of his own shirt, pulling down his sweat pants and boxers and throwing them on the floor. You obediently do as he says, still giggling, throwing your head back over your shoulder to get a good look at him.

"You think this is gonna be easy?" He stares back, eyebrows raised, as he moved behind you on his bed, landing a smack on your right ass cheek with his right hand. It's powerful, harsh, and makes you moan involuntarily, the pain rippling up into your core. He lands another, with even more force, and you know for a fact you'll be bruised up tomorrow.

You can't wait to stare at the blue and purple marks in the morning, and spend the whole day replaying this over and over and over.

"Not so funny anymore, is it?" he says, ripping another pathetic moan out of you with his left hand, grabbing harshly at your flesh after he's spanked you yet again. "You think it's funny, ignoring me? Pretending like I don't exist? I know you think about me every time you touch yourself, baby," he says, another smack echoing off his bedroom walls. "You just like being punished too much, though, don't you? Fucking slut," he spits, and now finally he's being a little too mean, in that way that makes your calm head so fuzzy, his spanks and his words nearly making you cum already. "You like to pretend like you're not a little whore, don't you? Like this isn't what you wish was happening every fucking day," he drawls, his voice getting lower and gravelly, and the next smack he lands is so hard you're crying out, the pain running through you, your body feeling empty except for the feeling. It runs straight through you, and suddenly you feel Yunho's thumb on your clit, and all the feeling rushes to your core in an instant, making you start to cum. Yunho can see your cunt clenching around nothing, the sight intoxicating, and he can't stop himself.

"Fuck, baby," he whispers as he sheaths himself, and suddenly you're so full of him again, your orgasm ripping through you fast, his cock feeling somehow even bigger now. He thrusts into you hard, throwing his head back with an almost pained expression, and god it is it a fucking miracle that somehow he hasn't come again. When he looks back down again he sees your pained expression, pathetic whimpers coming from you as you grab onto his comforter for dear life. A few tears have slipped out of your eyes, and it drives him fucking crazy, unleashing something within him that he didn't know was there until he met you.

"I can't, I-I can't, ahh, yuyu, too much," you cry below him, barely even recognizing the words yourself.

"Oh, now it's too much? Did you not fucking ask for this?!" he snarls, taking his hand off your clit to land another harsh smack on your ass, reaching down to grab both of your arms and push your face further into his mattress. He wraps one hand around both of your wrists, holding your arms behind you, now not giving you any option but to just take whatever he's giving you. It feels good to him, the completely vulnerable state you're in, the ways he's in total control, but somehow it still doesn't feel like enough. He slows his movements for a second, picking your ass up even higher to move your knees close to your shoulders, nearly crumpling you into a ball with your ass stuck high into the air. Then he moves himself sideways, anchoring one knee between your calves, and moves his other leg gently over, putting his foot right down on the side of your head that's facing his ceiling.

He'd only done this one other time, and it was blowing your mind just as much again, because how the fuck this even worked logistically was beyond you. He starts thrusting again, the angle so much deeper now, and you nearly shriek with how intensely his cock just hit your cervix, making your whole body start to shake as another orgasm started to rip through you.

"Feels good, doesn't it? Being fucked like a whore," he spits, still holding tight onto your arms, his cock nearly able to fully bottom out inside you at this angle. Tears and snot continue to flow down your face, getting caught in your hair that's no doubt a tangled mess, and you finally feel something massive building inside you, as his cock repeatedly hits your cervix and makes it feel like you're coming with every stroke.

"Fuck, fuuuck," you groan into the blanket, and Yunho can feel your cunt start to tremble, your moans and whimpers getting louder and more erratic.

"You love my cock, don't you baby?" he drawls, chuckling to himself, his leg muscles working overtime to make this position work. He lands another smack on your ass as he thrusts even harder, putting a force behind them that makes your body start to come undone.

"Fuck, Yunho, fuck, fuck, fuck, ahh," you scream, the feeling washing over you, your whole body shaking in pleasure. No matter how well you knew your body, you'd never be able to make yourself cum as hard as he does.

"Yes, baby, good girl," he says as he feels you clenching down on him, his own legs starting to tremble from his position.

"It feels so good," you cry, nearly writhing underneath him.

"Yeah?" he mocks you, chuckling again when you whine in response, as he fucks you through the aftershocks, gently slowing his movement until there no longer was any.

When he steps back and pulls out of you, you collapse immediately, your chest heaving up and down and your whole body still tingling.

"You good?" he asks, his own breath coming out fast, with how hard he'd just exerted himself.

"Mmhm," you giggle, feeling him move your messy hair out of your face, wiping the tears from your cheeks.

"Good tears?" he asks you, and you nod and mumble again, grabbing onto him and giggling hard as more gently fall from your eyes. The harshness of your orgasms with him have always made you cry, at least a little, and he's never made you feel embarrassed about that for a second.

Probably because it turns him on so much, but he still hasn't fully admitted that to you.

"You gonna be good for me?" he asks you, and your eyes snap to his as you nod your head. "Good girl, come here," he murmurs, tapping the edge of his bed, pulling you around to position you so the top of your head is at the side edge, your head hanging off slightly as you look up at him backwards. He makes quick work of ripping off his condom, tossing it in the tiny trash can by his desk, and now you can see just how red and flushed he is, beads of precum dripping down the slit on his head.

He looks down at you, the length of his cock dwarfing your upside-down face, and he taps the side of your cheek with it, not wanting to wait another moment. You open your mouth for him again, as he starts to slide in slowly, thrusting gently a few times before moving his way finally into your throat. His hands are on either side of your head, supporting your position, and the look he's giving you is one of pure pride, pure adoration.

"Fuck, baby, this feels so good," he groans as his cock finally hits the back of your throat, and you gag around him, tears continuing to fall from your eyes down the sides of your face. "My pretty girl," he coos, thrusting gently, paying attention to how long it's been since you last took a real breath. The thrusts a few more times, his face and chest turning a slightly shade of pink as he gets closer and closer to reaching his own high.

"Breathe, baby," he says when he pulls out, letting you catch your breath for a moment, wiping the spit away from the sides of your mouth. "Ready?" he asks when you open up again, and you nod. He thrusts in again to the same spot, but this time goes harder, knowing it'll only take a few more thrusts before he's ready to unload.

"My pretty girl is so smart, she just graduated," he says, a deep grunt leaving his throat as he thrusts even deeper. "I'm so proud of you, fuck you're doing so good for me," he groans, and suddenly he's pulling out of your mouth again, stroking himself as his cum paints your face and your chest, your lungs heaving to catch their breath.

"Fuck," Yunho grunts as the last of his orgasm washes over him, as he looks down to see the absolute mess he's made of you, your eyelashes fluttering up at him in a way that almost doesn't look real. "You like that?" he asks, and you wiggle around in happiness, making him laugh. "You like when my cum is all over your face? Naughty," he shakes his head, but his smile is wide as can be, and he reaches over to grab his phone. You know exactly what's happening, he doesn't have to say it. You're excited to look back and see what the picture looks like, excited to see when he'll make you look at it.

"Let me go get a towel, baby," he says, stroking a hand through your hair and leaning down to leave a small peck on your lips, tasting himself there. You shake your head, holding onto him from below. "What?" he asks, and you pull him down again, your tongue in his mouth making him moan. "You still not satisfied?" he pulls back, his breathing ragged again, and you giggle and shake your head, still grabbing hard onto him. It only takes a few more seconds of making out, but miraculously he's hard again, and he can't stop himself from ravaging you again, especially when you give him those big eyes again.

This time it's sweeter, it's unplanned, his mouth is right there on yours and his arms are wrapped around you, but you don't cum any less hard. It's almost too intimate for you, but it feels way too good for you to tell him you've had enough. It's always felt good to just let him have you however he wants to, but it's never been quite like this.

"Fuck, come here," Yunho sighs, wiping the last remnants of himself off you with a damp wash cloth, his sweats hanging off his hips. He climbs into bed and wraps you up, pulling you both underneath his comforter, kissing your cheeks and nose and forehead and holding you to him, not letting you go even as you both fall into a gentle sleep, tangled together.

++++++++++++++++++++

Your eyes blink open in the early morning, Yunho’s room still nearly pitch black, your body warm and sticky against his, his breaths still coming out of him soft and shallow.

You’d slept over in his bed once before, and that time you had an early appointment, your alarm set.  He’d had a meeting with his thesis advisor, so you both scrambled to get dressed and ready, and headed out before any kind of romantic morning could be enjoyed.  But today was different.  Sunday morning, and neither of you had anything you needed to rush to.  You adjusted yourself in his arms, causing him to wake for a moment too, but then both of you fell back into a deep slumber, the early hours of the morning passing you by.

When you woke again you felt colder, the air of the room brushing over your exposed chest.  You reached an arm to feel around you, finding the bed empty, Yunho’s side still warm from his body.  You rolled into it, sighing into his pillow, the faint smell of him still there in the fabric of his pillow case.

It was like any other morning, except for the fact that you woke up in Yunho’s bed.  You felt groggy, no doubt having slept past your normal waking hour because of your late night.  You felt slightly sore, but nothing a little stretching couldn’t take care of.  You blinked open your eyes, letting them adjust to the late morning light, the same way you always do.

It was like any other morning, until it wasn’t.

| 10:47am ||Sunday, May 14th|

Mother: Darling, I have some sad news.  Granddad passed away late last night.  Call me when you get the chance.

You were sat up in Yunho’s bed, about to stand up and pull on your shirt, just checking your phone out of habit.

It was the last thing you expected to read.

‘Fuck’ you whispered under your breath, out loud to yourself.  How were you supposed to be reacting?  You’d known for several years now that he had this disease, this disease that would surely kill him within the decade, and no doubt you saw yesterday that it had progressed far.  But still.

Yesterday.

You were there, yesterday.

You’d seen him on his last day, seen him still able to drink water and eat food on his own, still able to carry on some conversation with you.  It didn’t make almost any sense, but still.

How the fuck was he dead?

You slapped your phone face down on Yunho’s side table, sitting down more carefully than you’d ever sat, criss crossing your legs on Yunho’s comforter.  Then you jumped up and made his bed, picking up your strewn about clothes from the floor and putting them on, then hastily grabbed your phone and placed it on the bean bag with your keys and wallet that hadn’t moved an inch from where they’d been placed yesterday.

You walked away slowly, backwards, watching your phone intently.  Like it was a bomb, about to explode.  Like it was a dragon egg, about to hatch.

Like it held every little thing that might tear you apart, or the one thing that might save you.

You sat down on Yunho’s bed, again crossing your legs under you.  And then the tears came, sneaking up out of nowhere, a feeling closer to anger than sadness rippling through you.  

And right then, with a cup of coffee in hand, Yunho opened his door quietly, peering in and seeing the outline of you in his peripheral vision.

“I was just going through my tea bags, I’ve got some Jasmine or some peppermint, and also this weird chai mixture that Mingi got a couple weeks ago-“

“Oh, baby,” he says softly, finally getting a good look at you, setting the coffee down, sitting down next to you in his bed and wrapping his arms around you, pulling you into him.  You’re so rigid, you’re barely melting into him at all, so he puts one arm under your legs and fully lifts you into his lap, wrapping you into as tight of a ball as he can manage.  He sits himself against the wall, crossing his legs like yours were a second ago, holding you against him in the fetal position and you gently keep crying, tears streaming steadily.

He holds you tight, placing gentle kisses on your forehead, breathing deeply with you.

“What’s wrong, sweetheart?” he ventures, voice gentle as can be.

You let out a small sound, almost a groan but lacking in any strength, as you try to open your mouth and actually form words.  Your breath stutters, as you try to control it, try to get one good breath into the depths of your lungs.

“Grandpa died,” you squeak, breaths shuddering after, as the reality gently starts to seep into your chest.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry baby,” Yunho responds, his heart sinking, his own emotions welling up inside him.  He knows you’ve held him at an arms length for so long, and he’s never truly understood why, just accepting that your excuse of being busy really was the truth.  He’s not sure you’ll let him be here for you now, but he wants to, and he doesn’t know how to say that, especially not when you’re crying in his arms, which has never happened before.

"I wish I wasn't leaving in a week," he sighs, and you turn your head up to him, looking confused.

"Why?" you ask. He'd been so excited for this summer research opportunity, so ecstatic when he'd been accepted. You were genuinely confused to hear those words leave his lips.

"Cause I wish I could be here for you," he sighs, placing a gentle kiss on your cheek.

"But you've been looking forward to it, aren't you excited?" you ask, wiping the tears away with the backs of your hands.

"Baby," he says, cocking his head to the side, looking at you dead on.

"Yunho," you sigh. You weren't sure what he was trying to say, but all you could think about was your grandma, your dad, even your mom.

"Don't you wish I could be here to, you know, be here for you?" His face full of emotion, full of something intense, and it makes feelings roil deep in your gut.

"You have a life to live," you say, shaking your head. "I'll be fine," you sigh, shoving your face into his shoulder again, hoping that it's true.

"I care about you, a lot, you know?" he asks, sighing himself.

"I know, but-" you cut yourself off with a sharp sigh, because you have absolutely no idea how to finish your sentence.

"I care about you. I'm your friend, I wish I was more, you know that, but-"

"Stop." The word squeaks out of you, as you bury yourself into him even more.

"I'm sorry," he sighs, hugging you close, scolding himself for even going there.

"I can't do this right now, I just- I-" you stumble over your words, tears coming again, and this time all you can think about is your granddad, his face yesterday, that slight smile that he made at you as you said goodbye, squeezing his hand.

"I need to call my mom," you sniffle, collecting yourself with a deep sigh. You pull yourself off of him, crawling off his bed, going over to the bean bag to grab your phone. You check your messages again, checking that your mom really sent that message, that you didn't dream it. It felt awful to read it again, everything wavering between feeling real and feeling completely absurd.

"I'm sorry," you say, seeing Yunho's face, his eyes full of worry. "I'm so sorry," you squeak, standing in place, your eyes closing as another wave of tears stream down your cheeks. Yunho jumps up from his bed to come hold you, pulling your head into his chest.

"Why are you sorry?" he asks, his voice soft as ever. His body feels warm against you, his head gently laying on yours.

"I don't know," you whisper, but you do know, you absolutely do, you just can't fathom getting into that conversation now with everything that's happening. "I need to go, I'm sure my mom will want me to come home today," you sigh, looking up at him, stepping back. You find your sweats, pulling them on slowly, not even bothering with putting on your panties that you can't find. Yunho's holding out your shirt to you, and you grab it and put it on too, the room filled with a silence that isn't completely comfortable.

You grab your things, staring at him, not sure what to say.

"You can call me, or text me, anytime. If you want to talk. Even while I'm in Maine. Whenever." His face is serious, his posture straight but still he almost looks deflated.

"Thank you," you say.

"Even if it's 3am, you can call me," he says.

You just nod in response, cause you know what'll happen if you say another word. You're already worried about all the tears you've shed this morning, how everything has changed between you, how vulnerable you've been in front of him. You give him one final hug, walking to his front door yourself, not looking back for a second as you walk away.

Yunho stares at the back of you, as you disappear down the stairs.

The tears come as soon as you're out of view, the feeling of his arms around you still lingering.

And he can hear your sniffles, even if he can't see you.

He's not sure if he's done anything right.

[ashwhowrites]

hi!! can i request a hurt/comfort steddie about reader who somehow meets the both of them but at different times and basically she starts having feelings for both of them w out knowing that they know each other? and one time for exemple at a party she walks on them in the bathroom making out or something and she feels stupid for catching feelings, but eventually both of them talk to her and they make up and get in a relationship! sorry if its confusing ( also no smut pls if u can) thank you!! 💟

I've actually missed steddie x reader! And no smut just like you asked! Just some hinted moments. But it's very PG! I hope this is what you wanted and you enjoy it. Thank you for requesting 🫶🏻very open to writing more about this relationship as it grows

Him...him...or both?

Y/N met Eddie at the hideout. She wandered in on a random Friday night, ready for a drink. But as she walked in, there was a performance on stage. She grabbed her drink and walked towards the stage. Her eyes found him and before she knew it, they were talking.

Then they talked more and more and became good friends. They never saw each other outside of the hideout. She was busy with college and he had school and other things. But the more Fridays they spent together, the more she found herself catching feelings.

Which was dumb because they were only friendly with each other. It wasn't like they kissed or anything. But she wanted something more. She enjoyed his friendship but she couldn't help herself from looking down at his lips.

She couldn't stop thinking about Eddie. She wanted to ask him out but she was too nervous. She also had no idea if he was interested in her. Sometimes he'd send her a flirty smile and she'd touch his arm, but it didn't go further than that.

Y/N met Steve at the video store. She planned to ask Eddie out to watch a movie, but when she went to check out, she checked out Steve instead.

She blushed as his cute eyes landed on her.

"Great film! I've seen this many times. You've got good taste," he winked as he rang up her movie. She watched in awe as he ran his hand through his hair. He was one of the prettiest boys he had ever seen.

"Oh thank you," she looked at his name tag, Steve" she smiled

She panicked and never asked Eddie out to watch it. Now she couldn't stop thinking about Steve. She went back a few times, they discussed their favorite movies and realized they had a lot in common. It was so easy for him to make her smile and laugh.

She also realized she had a type. Cute boys with pretty brown eyes and flowy hair.

~~~

The more she talked with either of them, the more she found herself falling.

Eddie got a little more flirty. Winks and smirks made her stomach flutter.

Steve balled hard with the compliments. A smile never left his face and he leaned closer every time they spoke.

It was like both boys were passing her back and forth and she couldn't get her head on straight. She couldn't even tell which one she liked more.

She had more time to see Steve since he had more of an open schedule. She thought maybe she could ask both of them out, it wasn't a commitment, and people dated more than one person all the time. But she was also terrified to ask out either of them.

The next time she saw Eddie she grabbed a dress that she knew would have him staring.

And she was right.

He sat across from her in a booth, his eyes slipping down her body when he thought she wasn't looking.

The more drinks they had, the closer they got in the booth. She was so close to his lips, that all she had to do was lean in. But she didn't.

Then she'd be back at the video store, leaning on the counter as she listened to Steve's stories. Her eyes followed his every movement. She loved watching his cheeks flush in bright red when he'd catch her staring at his pink lips.

She craved to touch his hair and the chest hair that peeked through his work shirt and vest.

She couldn't decide which one she wanted more.

~~~

Eddie felt guilty for seeing Y/N the way he did. He loved Steve and he was loyal to Steve. But there was something about her that Eddie was drawn to. No matter how much he tried to get her out of his mind, she came back every time.

He wasn't going to do anything with her. He could tell she wanted him to make a move. To kiss and ask her out but he couldn't do it to Steve.

Steve knew he shouldn't blush whenever she showed up. And he shouldn't feel excited when she has extra time to talk. He loved Eddie, and they've been through so much hell to be with each other. He didn't want to mess that up. But he couldn't help but keep falling for her. She was gorgeous and he wondered what her lips would feel like.

~~~

Y/N slammed her last drink before she went off to find a bathroom. She figured a Saturday night at a huge party would help ease her mind about the two boys tugging at her heart.

She was a tad tipsy, stumbling as she leaned against the wall. She found a door and pushed it open.

Her eyes went huge when she saw Steve pushed against the sink with Eddie's tongue in his mouth. Their shirts were off and Eddie's hands were on Steve's hips.

They didn't notice her at first. She was frozen as she took them in. In a way, she was slightly turned on. But then she remembered they were kissing each other, which meant she was completely out of the picture.

"SORRY!" she squeaked after a second and slammed the door behind her. She raced out of the party as fast as she could. She heard her name being called but she kept moving.

She was an idiot. Neither made moves on her and she was dumb enough to believe it was because they were being polite. But no, they weren't interested. She was throwing herself at these guys and they were gay and together.

~

"Y/N WAIT!"

Eddie and Steve yelled at the same time, both snapping their eyes at each other.

"How do you know her?" They asked at the same time. Both look at each other confused.

"Hideout," Eddie shrugged, as he grabbed his shirt.

"Video store," Steve coughed, as he slipped his shirt back on.

"Why do you want to go after her?" Eddie pushed, his eyes accusing but he hoped it was the same reason Eddie was itching to run too.

"Well, why do you?" Steve asked back

"We'll talk about it later," Eddie said, then rushed out of the bathroom. Steve was hot on his heels.

They both raced out and searched around for her. Steve sighed in relief when he saw her sitting on the curb.

"Come on," Steve said as he grabbed Eddie's arm.

"Hey, Y/N, can we talk?" Steve asked nerves in his voice.

She was quick to clean her face. And stood up.

"I'm sorry for walking in. I just needed to use the bathroom," she laughed awkwardly. She wasn't sure where to look as they both stared at her.

"Eddie's fault for not locking the door," Steve mumbled, resulting in a smack from Eddie.

"What he meant to say, was it's okay," Eddie said, a soft glare sent to Steve.

"Cool. So um bye!" She rushed out and turned around.

"Hold on, that's not what we wanted to talk about," Steve said as he stepped in front of her. She halted as he blocked her path.

"I misread some signals, all good! We can just forget about it." She brushed it off

"We don't want to forget about it," Eddie said from behind her. She gulped as she stood in between both of them.

"Can you please stay right here while we go talk?" Steve begged, his eyes pleading as he softly touched her hand.

She nodded and watched as they walked away. She couldn't hear anything they were saying, but neither looked mad. She was worried they'd be pissed at her but mad at each other for not telling her that they weren't even single.

After a minute or so, they walked back over. She coughed as she waited.

"We apologize for stringing you along and not telling you that we were seeing each other," Eddie started.

"And we apologize that you had to find out in that way," Steve said as he gestured back to the house.

"I'm sorry for throwing myself at both of you. I'm completely embarrassed." She confessed as she looked at both of them.

"Don't be," Eddie said softly as he walked closer. "We talked and we both admitted that we are interested in you. We were both too scared to tell each other that we were crushing on you. But we both are, and we are okay with that."

"Which means, if you are comfortable and willing to try something different. We'd like to take you on a date, together." Steve explained. He was more nervous than Eddie. He watched her with scared eyes as Eddie smirked with confidence.

"So...you both want to..date me? At the same time? All together. As in I date both of you?" She asked, her brain was spinning.

"Yes," they said at the same time, sharing a smile before they looked back at her.

"Hell yes," she laughed. She couldn't decide between both of them in the first place, and she was granted a chance to date both of them? She wasn't passing that up.

"Well, you are already dressed to impress in that sexy dress, so how about we go now?" Eddie asked, stepping closer as he cupped her cheek. She shuddered as Steve's eyes watched them.

"Mhhm" she mumbled, her tongue numb.

Eddie smirked and grabbed her hand. Steve twirled his keys in his hands and they walked to his car.

"Steve and I are private in public, we don't want to deal with all the Churches and shit." Eddie joked as he crawled in the back.

"But you are welcome to be public with both of us and us three will interact more behind the doors." Steve winked.

~~~

Dating both boys was better than she dreamed of. They all hung out at Eddie's trailer. Her head was on his lap as he played with her hair. Then her legs were on Steve's lap as he softly trailed his fingers up and down.

A movie on the TV as they enjoyed each other's company.

"Can I ask who you liked first?" Eddie asked.

Y/N laughed to herself "Not telling," she teased

"Yeah, we don't wanna hurt your feelings Eddie" Steve added on

Eddie growled and threw popcorn at Steve, but he successfully caught it in his mouth.

"I know it was me," Eddie mumbled to himself

She loved that she slept right in between both of them. Steve always kissed Eddie first goodnight, then leaned down to press his lips against hers.

She barely catches her breath before Eddie turns her head to kiss her goodnight.

Her heart raced for both of them. She loved that they both wrapped their arms around her and cuddled into her neck.

Everything about their relationship was perfect and she couldn't wait to experience more.

[mrchiipchrome]

You Always Go To The Parties

W.C. - 5.7 k

okay so this is the project i've been working on for a little, hope y'all like it:) (also listen to American Wedding by Frank Ocean while y'all read this.)

To clarify, this is a lionesses x r series too, but this is literally just the chapter of introduction so that we can get to know the characters.

-----------------------

“Do I really have to go? I can’t even drink legally here.” You groan, there was nothing stopping you from collecting your things and getting the hell out of that apartment in Boston, well except the manners instilled in you from an early age. There was nothing you’d like more than to crawl up in bed and sleep for the next few weeks.

No way Emma would let you do that. 

The sophomore defender had been one of the only people that had come back to college early, having been asked to show you around the campus and the facilities. She had quickly taken you under her wing, which meant that she wouldn’t let you sulk in bed the rest of August.

Brown cardboard boxes filled to the brim with different things, ranging from clothes to knick knacks, were stacked to the ceiling in the otherwise empty apartment. You didn’t mind, clearly, but it bothered Em.

You tuck your hands behind your head, staring up at the ceiling from your mattress that was placed directly on the floor. Your button up had the first few buttons undone, the top of your chest displayed for Em to see, you had even put your fancy trousers on for the stupid party you didn’t even want to attend.

“Yes, you really have to. How else do you expect to make friends, your cute British accent will only get you that far, you actually need to put in some effort okay?” Rolling your eyes at her words, you were quickly made to get up off the makeshift bed, getting pushed towards the door.

“But-” 

“No buts, you are going because I need someone to drive me home when I’m black out drunk tonight, you don’t want me to drink and drive right?” You can’t help but contemplate over her words, feeling the girl’s hand come down on your shoulder harshly. 

Clearly she didn’t like that.

“I mean you could just, I don't know…not drink?” She looks at you like she’s disgusted you’d even think about saying something like that, like she has to drink.

“Wow, it really is obvious your parents are rich.” You lock the door up as you look at her through the corner of your eye, a slightly judgemental look in your eyes.

Your parents were rich, but they didn’t spoil you so you weren’t one of those snobby rich kids, you were just like anyone else. Only you had access to more money than most.

“Shut up.” Emma puts her hands up in the air, like she’s surrendering to you, but you see the way she’s smiling slyly at you. Note to self; don’t get defensive when Em brings up your rich parents.

“You know, I could use a new Gucci bag if you want to contact daddy dear.” She looks up at you pleadingly as you make your way to her car, there was no way you’d use your car, it was far too expensive to be left outside a frat house. You really had to get a more beat up one.

Maybe you’d sell it, and donate the money you got for it to charity. 

“Aw, we’re taking my car?” Em whines, clearly she wanted to take your cool car.

“Aw, I’m not leaving my really expensive car outside of a frat house for hours.” You roll your eyes at her almost like she’s stupid, throwing her the keys so that she could drive, you didn’t even know where it was you were going.

“You know, you are really sassy for being a rich kid.” Em pulls out of the garage, the apartment complex you were living in was just off campus, so near that you walked there every day for pre-pre-season training (absolutely destroying Em every single time without fail).

“Yeah well, I grew up in the public education system in London, so that’s where I get it from.” You look on as the girl in the driver’s seat taps her fingers against the steering wheel, waiting for the red light to turn green.

“Really, I would’ve thought that they had you in private school from the second you popped out.” The green light stands out against the quickly darkening sky, starless and rather bleak, but that’s what you get for living in a big city.

“Nope, they wanted me to have a normal childhood, so here I am.” You motion to yourself, feeling the bumps and dips of the road beneath you, damn potholes.

“I mean fair enough right.” A certain quietness envelops the space between the two of you, it wasn’t uncomfortable, just present without any real purpose.

Your eyes slip shut, with Em turning the radio on, playing soft instrumental music like you weren’t in the middle of Boston where most people prefer hip hop and bubblegum pop. That was probably the biggest culture shock you'd been given so far, the music.

At home it was different, in a neutral way. It was neither better nor was it worse, but it was simply different.

You sink into your seat, the cool air blasting across your skin in that refreshing way, the summer’s heat canceled out by the air coming from the car. Slowly, sleep starts to take over your body in that calming sort of way that you’d wished for earlier.

It had only felt like moments since you’d fallen asleep as Em shakes your shoulders to get you to wake up, the pulsing music coming from the frat house a walking distance away already making your ears hurt. You look around at the surrounding nature, it wasn’t familiar to you, not the trees you’d found yourself memorizing nor the architecture present in Boston.

Even the people looked different, shirts with the printing of a dog on the front instead of the three books representing Harvard. Stupid of you to assume that Em would be rational for once.

“Where are we Em?” You ask, voice riddled with a sleepy kind of innocence that suggested that not everything had registered yet.

“We are in Connecticut, home of the huskies and what might be the best parties you’ll ever experience.” Your eyes shoot open wide, a more than flabbergasted look on your face at her naïve words.

“You kidnapped me and then drove me all the way to Connecticut for a party we could just as well have found in Boston?!” You ask her incredulously, like you couldn’t really believe her. And you couldn’t.

“Yeah, technically I did but you’ll also get to experience the party of your lifetime, so I think that it’s fine.” She tries to justify her actions by trying to reason with you, and whilst it doesn’t work in the way she wishes, Emma’s just happy you’re not totally freaking out.

“Come on grumpy, let’s go. Who knows, you might even have some fun.” Em pulls you along towards the house spewing flashing lights in a hundred different colors.

You let your eyes adjust to the blinking lights as you enter through the open front door, seeing the entire bottom floor of the mansion-like house covered with hundreds of students, packed together tightly like a sweaty sardine can.

The house reeks of bad body wash, moldy pits and strong cheap alcohol, and in a sense of the word Em really did tell the truth, you’d never seen anything like it before. It was almost like those frat boys couldn’t afford to buy deodorant.

If your arm wasn’t as firmly attached to your body as it was, you were sure that Emma would’ve torn it off by now, the resistance of the sweaty bodies pushing against your own as she leads you to the kitchen proving to be a difficult task for her weak arms.

Reaching the entrance of the large kitchen, the first thing you notice is that it’s not as tightly packed as the living room, only a few stragglers here and there with the stereotypical red solo cups can be found in every single person’s hand. Future alcoholists.

 “Okay, base rules since you’ve never been to a college party before, don’t take a drink from anyone you don’t know, don’t accept anyone’s request to go upstairs or somewhere private, you’ll most likely get robbed, don’t be too snarky, people don’t appreciate that and… I think that’s all. Have a nice night!” And with that she’s off to the living room, plucking a cup from a random man’s hand and taking a sip before leading him to the dance floor.

Yeah, base rules or whatever.

Standing alone in the kitchen, you suddenly feel so awkward. The only real parties you’d been to were the one’s your friends threw when your parents were away on their stupidly long business trips, just the chaotic friend group drinking together.

So this, college parties, was something that was totally out of your comfort zone and you’d never hated anyone as much as you hated Em right at that moment.

Spotting a boy out of the corner of your eye, you approach him with confident, yet still relatively hesitant steps, a question at the tip of your tongue. He looks up at you when you’re close enough to smell the odor of old spice deodorant and way too much sweat, his hat turned backwards on his head to hide the greasy hair still somehow poking its way through.

You almost feel bad for the poor thing, well that is until his mouth opens and you’re staring into the hell that is a frat boy’s gob. 

“‘Sup dude, what can I do for you?” His eyes run all along your body, from your ankles up to your face where he notices the annoyed expression.

“I was wondering if you had anything non alcoholic.” You smile staley, eyebrows furrowing together when his eyes light up like a kid on christmas. His laugh feels slightly insulting, especially when his hand comes up to point at you, but there’s really not a lot you could do.

“Dude totally, say the thing though.” You look at him confused, like you didn’t know what he meant. Spoiler alert; you did. “Y’know bo'ohw'o'wo'er.” 

He laughs again when you roll your eyes, and even if all you desire is to punch his stupid face in, you still say the phrase. Was it worth it for a coke? Eh, debatable.

He opens the fridge and throws you the can and laughs once more at your dirty look.

Sipping the drink slowly as you make your way around the house, the UConn students around you stare unashamedly at you, like they knew your face from somewhere, but you weren’t familiar per se. 

Your face scrunches up at the metallic taste of the American coke, much preferring the Mexican one they had in the canteen. You couldn’t complain too much though, you were the one who actually let yourself get dragged to the party.

It’s sudden, the way her eyes catch yours. Deep pools of endearing brown that capture your entire soul in a single second. The girl was mesmerizing as she stood leaning against the wall across from you, her long brown hair falling so effortlessly down her back.

Her gaze is just focussed on you for a second or two, her attention soon being stolen by the man standing in front of her, a sleazy smirk on his face as his eyes ran all along her body. It was clear that she was uncomfortable purely by the way her lips were turned downwards and the way her hands fiddled with the hem of her crop top.

There seems to be a lull in their one sided conversation as she looks to you almost pleadingly, getting the hint almost immediately, you walk over with confident steps, dropping the now empty can on the floor on the way.

The man is almost as tall as you, his burly shoulders disproportionate to the rest of his awkward body, his meaty hands gripping the red cup tightly like he was afraid someone would steal it from him. His hooded eyes do a once over when he spots you nearing them, almost turning a green pale at the sight of you.

You don’t understand why, there was no way you knew him and being recognised as Harvard’s newest addition would be unlikely. Especially in Connecticut.

“Everything alright here?” The girl seems startled by your accent, but she quickly schools her features so as to not show her surprise. Her hands wrap around your waist, and when you look down at her she looks back up at you with pleading eyes, asking you to just go along with it for the time being.

Your arm wraps around her shoulders and she leans into your body almost subconsciously, like you’ve known each other for much longer than you have.

“Yeah, everything’s going good.” He says, not backing down despite having been nervous at your mere presence only seconds before.

“Really? Because from where I stood it looked like you were flirting with my girlfriend.” You don’t even get the satisfaction of watching his gummy smile fade from his thin lips as he takes in your words, because he walks away from you before you can see it.

It makes you chuckle, especially since he walks up to another girl almost immediately, getting turned down in the same second.

“You okay?” You question the girl in your arms, her hand still resting on your waist as you take her in. You can feel her hair against your arm, her nails digging into your skin ever so slightly and the rest of her body pressed so tightly against your own.

“Yeah, he just wouldn’t leave me alone, thank you for the help.” She smiles at you sweetly, her brown eyes shining under the flashing lights. You smile back at her softly, noticing the way her grip loosens, you quickly let up on your grip of her shoulders.

Her unsure steps catch your attention as she takes your hand in her soft one, just like Em had done earlier in the evening.

“Where are you taking me?” You laugh through the sentence as she tries to pull you through the crowd of people, stumbling over her feet clumsily every so often.

“Do you like burgers?” She questions hastily, nearly having pulled you all the way to the front door already, she was a lot stronger than Em that’s for sure.

"Doesn't everyone?” You smile goofily when she looks back at you, her eyes narrowed playfully when you send her a wink. It’s only when you’re already out the door that you realize that Em is still in there, with people you don't know. Strangers.

You stop walking, the girl’s hand still in yours as she too stops, looking back at you confused.

“I’m sorry but my friend, Em, is still in there and I don’t want to leave her alone with strangers.” Her eyes light up again and you look at her weirdly, not understanding why she looked so happy that you had to leave.

“Em Whitmore?” She giggles at the shocked look on your face, clearly you didn’t know much about Em, the girl thinks to herself. You look at her suspiciously, how did she know Em?

“Yeah…how’d you know?” You ask her, still suspicious of her pretty intoxicated form. Her laugh carries all throughout the empty night, no one out and about except you and the mystery girl who’s soft hand is still in yours.

“I know her brother, she comes to a lot of parties here, because she knows she’ll be safe.” The brunette starts pulling you along again and you let yourself follow her, no longer worried about your Harvard counterpart. Her brother wouldn’t let anything bad happen to her.

By the time you reach the 50’s themed diner, you’ve already walked for ten minutes, side by side with the dark haired girl. You’re lucky that it wasn’t too far away, the half stumbling girl beside you probably wouldn’t have been able to walk that far without falling over.

The bell at the top of the door chimes when she pushes it open, the bored looking cashier perking up when he sees your companion. It was empty in the diner and you couldn’t imagine that keeping it open for this long wasn’t only for the drunk college students looking for a quick snack.

She drags you over to a booth in the corner, decorated in red and white stripes, a glass with straws standing in the middle of the table with a napkin holder beside it.

“Welcome to Donna’s Diner, what can I get for you?” The boy from the counter comes up to the booth after you’ve both settled, handing the two of you plastic menus. The dark haired girl smiles up at him, that fantastic glint in her eye once more.

“Come on now Alex, no need to be all professional.” You look up at him from where you’re sitting, his blonde hair curling around his ears, green eyes staring into yours kindly, thin fingers clasping the small notebook in his hands.

“Alex, this is my new friend, she knows Callum’s little sister, mystery friend, this is Alex and he’s in one of my classes.” You smile at him softly, sticking your hand out for him to shake, and he does take it in a confident grip, sending you a smile of his own.

“I’m Y/n.” Now the mystery girl looks up at you, finally a name attached to your face.

“Nika, I already know what you want, but how about you?” He looks to you when he speaks, obviously you wouldn’t know what to order, it being your first time there and all.

“I’ll just have whatever she’s having with a chocolate milkshake.” Alex disappears behind the counter again, your eyes following his retreating form. Looking away from the kitchen door, your eyes quickly meet the ones of the girl you now know as Nika.

One of her hands was tucked under her chin, keeping her head up in order to look at you. Relaxing into the cushions behind you, the small smile slowly taking over your face suddenly becomes full blown.

“What is it?” She giggles under her breath at your inquisitive look, and despite not knowing much more than her name, you already felt like she knew your soul inside and out.

“Nothing…it’s just that this is the last place I would’ve thought that you would bring me to.” The furrow in her brow is frankly quite adorable, her head turning to the side just in time to catch Alex walking out the kitchen with your food. 

You see the way her eyes light up again, the platter of pure greasy goodness at the center of her attention right at that moment. All you could think about at that second was how thankful you were that the season hadn’t started yet, because everything there broke every single diet you could think of.

Looking to the brunette, the laugh bubbling up from the pit of your stomach is almost one of wonder, because the beautiful girl had already managed to get through half the burger that was in front of her. It seemed like her intoxicated brain only was focussed on one thing, satiating her hunger.

It isn’t long until you follow her lead, picking up the burger and just trying to get the most you could of it in your mouth. You can’t help the groan that escapes you when the exquisite flavours hit your taste buds all at once, having to lean back into the cushions of the booth to be able to take it all in, closing your eyes fully to enhance the experience even further.

It’s only when she laughs that you finally open your eyes again, only to see her looking right at you like you were made of glass, like she could read you like a book and then play you like a fiddle.

“I understand, I had the exact same reaction when I tried it.” She continues to giggle at you when you start to eat like a poor man starved. It was a funny sight to be fair, the way your fancy act completely disappears when in contact with amazing food.

“How’d you even find this place?” You question her when you’ve swallowed and wiped your mouth off with a napkin, you still had manners after all. She smiles at you, gesturing at your surroundings, at the tables and the booths, the chairs and the ketchup bottles, at everything.

“I was drunk after a party once in freshman year and I just stumbled across it.” You nod in response, completely understanding the randomness of how she’d found the place. When you’re drunk, all you want is some greasy food.

“So it’s a well guarded secret between the students then? I assume there’s usually more people here at this time of night.” You take a sip of the milkshake when the last word has fallen from your lips, heat spreading across your face at the intense look you’re getting from the brunette in front of you.

It’s probably just because she’s drunk, you think quietly to yourself, almost trying to convince your mind that the stupidly attractive smile on her face was just one of momentary value, that it was only because it was late and you were tired that it affected you in the way it did.

“Yeah, something like that.” She responds, a comfortable silence enveloping you two as you continue to eat.

The only thing that could be heard was the murmur of the fan across the room, the patting of the fingers of the boy, Alex, at the counter and the sound of shallow breathing. Well that was until her accented voice breaks it with a question.

“So, how’d you manage to befriend the girl with the scariest brother ever?” Nika asks you, her fingers playing with the napkin she’d taken only moments before. Her teeth capture her bottom lip softly as she looks at you tentatively, she’s positively driving you nuts with her pure unfiltered beauty.

“Well, for starters we both play football for Harvard, but she was the first one there to greet me, to help me pack up the necessities and all that. She never did mention a brother though.” You relish in the way she looks at you, all flustered and sweet despite you not having done anything in particular. It was adorable. Pause.

She nods absentmindedly, opening her mouth to speak before closing it and then opening it again, resembling a fish out of water more than anything.

“Were you going to say something love?” You ask the now blushing girl, and she hides her face in her hands at the embarrassment, clearly having zoned out for a little while there.

Reaching over, you pat her shoulder comfortingly before you ask her your next question.

“How about you? How do you know Em’s brother?” Nika reaches over the table to steal a few of your fries, laughing at the betrayed look on your face.

Maybe it was the drinks or maybe you were just funnier than you’d originally thought, either way the angelic sound of her laughing had graced your ears many times that evening. Not that you minded, you didn’t even mind a little bit.

“He plays basketball, I play basketball, and sometimes we train together.” You can’t help the feeling taking over you, the burning feeling that makes you question everything you’d ever known about yourself. Just the thought of your friend’s brother getting to enjoy her company makes the feeling inside you that much worse.

 It seems like she sees the way your expression changes just that little bit before it goes back to normal.

“So, you’re like…close?” You ask the basketball player timidly, rolling your eyes only seconds later when the brunette decides to take a sip of your milkshake.

“No, not especially close. I mean, we talk when we have to at the shared training sessions, but not outside of it. But realistically though, who in the world of college sports doesn’t know Callum Whitmore?” Looking at her cluelessly, you sarcastically shrug as if to say you, because you truly hadn’t known a single thing about the man before she had told you.

By the third time Nika reaches for your fries, you decide to just push them towards her and let her have them, you weren’t even hungry after the monster burger you’d just consumed. It wasn’t at all just because she was too pretty not to get whatever she wanted. Pause.

“You want to switch?” She gestures to your drinks, she’d gotten a strawberry milkshake that she didn’t seem to fancy all that much right at that moment. Sighing goodnaturedly, you give her a nod and allow her to take whatever was left of your shake, smiling softly as you sip absentmindedly at the pink shake she’d given you. 

Soon enough, the only thing that could be heard over the natural noise of the diner was the slight slurping every so often.

“I just got to go wash up, then I’ll walk you home, okay?” The brunette nods as she looks at you leaving, pulling out her phone to seemingly start to text someone not long after.

You walk up to Alex, who’s still standing at the counter and he smiles in your direction when you near, only seeing you out of the corner of his eye. Pulling out your wallet, you hold out your card to him.

“Could you do a to go order? God knows she’ll need that in the morning.” You nod your head in Nika’s direction, Alex smiling widely at you.

“You know, I’ve never seen her with you before…” His voice trails off, as if to tell you to fill in the blanks.

“Yeah, we only met tonight.” You smile at him staley, not understanding why the timeline of events was so important.

“You must be special then if she brought you here, it’s not often she brings anyone other than her friends here after a night out. Nico, drop me two burgers on the grill, one choc milkshake and a strawberry one.” As you walked towards the bathroom of the establishment, putting your card back in your wallet, you started to think about his words, wasn’t this place well known? What made it so special to Nika that the server had to point out how she never brought strangers there?

Wiping your hands off on your trousers, you go up to your table to collect Nika before swinging by the counter to pick up your to-go order, the brown paper bag looking out of place next to the two of you. It seems like she’s sobered up at least a little as she looks at you questioningly, her eyes soon falling to the bag in your hands and then back up at your face.

The bell chimes again when the two of you exit the diner, the cooling air of the late night a contrast to the warm atmosphere of the diner.

“What’s that for?” The furrow in her brow is so endearing that you almost feel the skip in your heartbeat, her eyes narrowing at you ever so slightly. Her arm threads through yours, one of your hands in the pocket of your trousers, creating the perfect space for her arm to go through.

You sneak a glance at her, flyaways being highlighted by the streetlights you were passing. Her head meets your shoulder as you start to walk back to the party, her apartment couldn’t be too far from it considering she hadn’t mentioned anything when you offered to walk her home.

“It’s for you, I just know that hungover Nika is going to crave Donna’s diner’s milkshakes to calm her raging headache.” You tease her softly, but there was definite truth there either way.

If there was one thing you knew about being hungover, then it was that good food usually helped at least a little (well, after the spells of throwing up everything from the previous night.) You give her a cheeky smile as you near the party once more, the booming music being heard from miles away. 

“Thank you, you didn’t have to do that.” She speaks sincerely, you just smile at her in response, did you have to do it? No, but she’d kept you company all night so you did it anyway.

“Hey, can I just stop by my friend’s car before I walk you home? I just have to get something.” You were so thankful that you’d stolen the keys from Em before you went into the party only hours before. Leading her to the beat up truck, unlocking it and opening the door, you place the bag on the ground before you look through the glove compartment.

Finding the cartridge of painkillers and the pen that you were searching for with a small ‘aha’. The post-it notes Em always kept in her car finally came to use when you stole one, writing a quick message on it before sticking it to the plastic of the painkillers and dropping it down the brown paper bag.

You lock the car up, despite it being a piece of shit that no one would ever steal, Em always insisted on you locking it. 

Walking up to her side once more, you open your mouth to speak.

“So, lead the way home love.” You gesture for her to take the lead, it was her apartment after all. Taking your free hand in hers, the girl starts to lead you towards her apartment building, walking calmly side by side with your hands swinging between your bodies.

After passing countless trees, and even more cars, you suddenly find yourselves at the bottom of the slanted hill leading up to where she lives, and when you actually start to walk up the long walkway, it’s slowly almost like you’re both resisting the natural order of events.

But you had to leave her, both Em and Harvard were waiting for you and no matter how much you tried to resist, you knew that’s ultimately where you had to go, it was your life even if the girl you’d just met seemed far more interesting than anything.

When you reach the top, just meters away from the door, you hand her the bag, smiling timidly when she reached out to hug you, her inviting perfume enveloping you in a blanket of warmth. When she pulls away, she thanks you one last time for your kindness.

“Really, it’s no problem.” You reassure her, smiling softly when she turns back towards you one last time before the distance between you becomes larger and larger, her fingers soon punching in the code to open the door.

“Wait!” You call out for her right as she’s about to enter the building, her head turning back to you questioningly. “Don’t forget to put it in the fridge when you get in.” She smiles and nods before disappearing behind the door.

You start your walk back to the party a few minutes after the door has closed, something just keeping you rooted to the ground. It wasn't until you heard your name get called by that familiar voice that you turned around, seeing Nika through her open window, waving at you as you walked away.

It almost felt like you were in some cheesy romance movie as you waved back, turning to walk away after she closed her window. 

Truth be told, the evening had felt like something straight out of a romcom and some part deep down loved it. It loved the cheesy moments of pure unbridled love, the ability to express yourself freely, to dance in the rain, be your true authentic self in front of someone else was something you didn’t even know you longed for before you met Nika.

You shove your hands into the pockets of your trousers, every step you take moving you closer and closer to the frat house, closer to Em and closer to getting back to Boston.

Seeing Em sitting out on the steps of the house has you confused, why was she out there?

“Em? What are you doing out here?” You ask the clearly incredibly intoxicated Emma, your loud voice not even startling her, her slow movements showing just how drunk she is. The squeal she lets out when she sees you has you covering your ears, the intrusive sound killing your tired head.

She tries to stand up, but it just looks like Bambi on ice, stumbling and falling at every second. You come up and sling her arm around your shoulder, bringing her over to her car and sitting her down in the passenger seat.

“I’m not cleaning up if you throw up in here, just so you know.” She nods drunkenly, clearly not understanding a word you were saying.

“The reason why I was sitting outside is a long story.” She leans her head against the window, and knowing Em, she was probably imagining herself in a music video right at that moment.

“You can tell me tomorrow.” The car starts with a rumble and you pull out of the parking space on the side of the road, quickly pulling out and starting to drive on the main road.

It’s quiet for a while and you almost believe that Emma’s asleep, well almost since her feet move back and forth against the floor every so often.

“Where were you huh? What were you doing?” Her words are incredibly slurred and you can barely make out what it is she’s trying to say.

“None of your business mate.” She snickers at you, reading way too much into your response than she should have.

“You got some.” The way your face turns red doesn’t help your case even in the slightest, especially when she herself points out your reddening cheeks.

“Shut up and go to sleep, Em.” Your voice cracks in the middle of the sentence, still embarrassed by her insinuation.

“Mhm, you totally got some pussy.” You sigh as she laughs again, she was clearly getting a lot more joy from the situation than you were.

“Go to sleep Em.”

“Mhm.”

Maybe she had been right after all, maybe you had fun and maybe, just maybe the decision to go to the party was a good one. Not that you’d ever let her know that.

[peachhcs]

congrats em!!!

person A going out with person B for the first time in public to announce their relationship

perosn a- reader

perosn b -jack hughes

showing you off

jack hughes x fem!reader

you and jack finally make your relationship public!

1.4k words

i've never written for jack before, so i hope this is good 🫣 thank you again for sending in requests for the celly. i'm so excited to write about other hockey players!!

700 celly masterlist

you stood in front of the mirror doing last minute touches on your look. there was an edge of nerves running through your system knowing this was a big night for your relationship with jack. after agreeing to keep things private for the few months you two have been together, you decided you were ready to make things public. poor jack was more nervous than you were knowing how people online got.he worried the comments of other fans getting to you even though you told him countless times you could handle it. a few mean comments meant nothing to you knowing jack chose you. 

“i think i’m almost ready jacky,” you called to your boyfriend when you heard him shuffle into the room. his head poked into the connected bathroom, a smile gracing his lips when he saw your pretty baby blue dress. 

“jesus, you look incredible,” the brunette hummed, eyes racking across your body that the dress hugged in all the right places. you flushed at his comment, spinning to face him. 

“you think so?” 

he stepped further into the bathroom, hands snaking around your waist just low enough that his hands grazed the top of your ass. a lazy smiled painted his lips as he continued drinking in your appearance. 

“can’t wait to let everyone know you’re mine tonight,” the boy pressed a soft, yet passionate kiss to your lips. 

you smiled into the kiss, squeezing his chin between your fingers as his hands drifted lower. a giggle left your lips at his boyish behavior, pulling him off your lips which was instantly met with a pout that you pulled him off. 

“we better go, soon, yeah? don’t wanna be late,” you tapped your fingers against his cheek. 

“you’re 100% sure you’re ready? i don’t want it to be too much too soon. there’s probably gonna be cameras everywhere and people shouting questions,” jack knew events like these had reporters and journalists everywhere trying to catch glimpses of their lives. he didn’t want to bring you into all of it unless he knew you could take it. 

“i’m sure, baby. i’ve got thick skin,” you smiled. 

“i know you do, but sometimes those people can be real assholes,” jack’s worry was cute. you cupped his cheeks, pressing a delicate kiss to his forehead. 

“at least i’ll have you with me then,” your confidence eased some of jack’s worries. he kissed you one last time before dragging the both of you out of the bedroom. 

“about time. thought i’d have to bang on the door or something,” luke snickered, jumping up from his place on the couch. 

“real funny, luke. let’s go or else we’re late,” jack grabbed everyone’s jackets, his antsy side coming out as he rushed his brother and girlfriend out of the apartment. 

the ride into downtown was uneventful. jack’s aux music helped ease some of your nerves as his car approached the venue which was indeed packed with people already at the front. you found yourself squeezing jack’s hand rested atop your knee a bit tighter seeing all those people feet away. jack quickly met your gaze. 

“feeling okay?” the boy wondered. 

“i’m fine. just nervous,” you said. 

“we can go in through the back if you don’t wanna do this. that’s perfectly fine with me,” jack gave you a quick ultimatum, but you shook your head. 

“it will be fine, jacky. promise,” he studied your expression a bit longer before deciding that you were gonna be okay. 

he pulled his car into the line, allowing the valet to take his keys as the three of you climbed out. jack met you on your side, holding his arm out for you to latch onto. your hands squeezed around his bicep as he took the lead, luke trailing behind you guys. the fans and reporters spotted the three of you immediately, quickly shouting to get your attention. 

“jack! is that your girlfriend?” 

“oh my god, he has a girlfriend??” 

“over here! let me get a picture!” 

the two of you posed for some pictures, jack’s hold tightening around your waist as the photographers snapped away, marking the public debut of your relationship. you weren’t sure how your boyfriend was feeling, but you felt in the clouds. so many people were reaching out for you or jack, wanting his signature or to just talk to him for a few seconds. sometimes you forgot this was his life—so flashy, so surreal—yet you loved it. 

he began pulling you down to carpet where security held the doors open for the guys. you waved to the fans one last time before disappearing inside the arena. jack glanced over at you, his expression a bit unreadable. 

“okay?” he wondered almost nervously. your large smile immediately eased his worries though as you latched back onto his arm. 

“god, you’re so cool. i knew you were popular, but i didn’t realize how popular,” your laugh brought a smile to the boy’s lips. 

“i’m glad you approve. it seems like everyone else does, too,” jack pecked your lips before dragging your further into the event to find his friends. 

the two of you quickly found nico and holtzy. both guys smiled widely when they saw their teammate and his girl on his arms. you smiled, watching jack greet them with friendly hugs. “didn’t know you were bringing your girl out,” nico hummed, giving you a gentle hug once jack finished. 

“thought it was time we go public,” jack pulled you back into his side, a proud smile on his lips that people finally knew about the girl he’s been loving for months. 

“wow, didn’t know hughes could become so lovey,” holtz teased, roughing up jack’s arm. your boyfriend brushed the comments off despite the small blush coating his cheeks. 

“whatever. you guys want some drinks? first round’s on me,” the brunette smiled. the guys cheered as they followed your boyfriend to the bar, ordering the entire team the first round of shots. 

you spent the rest of the night clinging to jack’s side, but neither of you minded. his arm was hooked around your waist no matter what, not letting you move too far away from him. you could tell he was enjoying himself knowing the big smile on his lips didn’t come out often unless he was around you or his teammates. jack adored all of them, even when they chirped on him, and he couldn’t be happier getting to spend the night with you too. 

even if you were just eye candy on jack’s arm, you didn’t care. getting to spend time with your boyfriend in his element was your favorite thing. 

as the night winded down, photos from earlier were released on social media. you peaked over jack’s shoulder as he scrolled through the pictures, smiling when he came across the ones of you two. there were a few of both of you smiling and one where jack’s eyes were on you when you weren’t looking. there was a lot of love in his eyes that made your heart just burst. 

“who knew we cleaned up so nice,” you teased. jack looked over at you, eyes bright. 

“so you think it went okay then?” 

“i think they liked me. do you think it went okay?” you wondered, brushing some of his hair away from his forehead. 

“i think it went amazing. i’m glad you came out tonight, it was a lot of fun,” jack leaned over, kissing your cheek. 

“thanks for bringing me, handsome. i hope i can come along again,” with that, the hockey player placed a more passionate kiss on your lips. your fingers tangled into his hair, twisting the locks around while his own hand cupped the side of your cheek. 

neither of you cared that you were in public. the booth you sat in tucked you guys away into a corner that almost created your own space away from everyone else. jack deepened the kiss even more as he slipped his tongue inside of your mouth, but the moment was short lived. 

“jesus, you guys are so gross. can we leave soon?” luke stood at the end of the table in disgust. 

he was such a little brother with his snarky comments. you giggled, but jack didn’t find his brother as amusing. 

“hold your horses. we’ve got all night,” jack said. 

the younger boy only rolled his eyes, shuffling away like a little kid. jack’s attention turned back to you, eyes still bright with love and lust. 

“now, where were we?” 

[3uthym1c]

𓆩⚝𓆪 ☒ 𝐏𝐢𝐜𝐤 𝐀 𝐂𝐚𝐫𝐝! 𝘈𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘍𝘶𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘦 𝘗𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘯𝘦𝘳

𓏲 ๋࣭     ࣪ ˖    ⋆ ࣪.     ˖ ࣪⭑  ˖ ࣪ ٬     ุ๋ ⸱    ִֶָ . ָ࣪   ˑ ֗⭑  ˖ ࣪ ٬     ุ๋ ⸱    ִֶָ . ָ࣪   ˑ ֗ ˖    ⋆ ࣪.     ˖ ࣪⭑      ࣪ ˖    ⋆ ࣪. ⸱    ִֶָ . ָ࣪  

Ꮺ Read before getting into your group please! THERE IS A MESSAGE FOR EVERYONE AT THE END!!!

Hey y'all, it's me and I'm back. I told y'all I don't have a PAC uploading schedule 😭. I honestly just do it whenever I feel that I have the energy and then recharge. Perhaps when I'm in my "tarot reading hibernation" I'll take free requests so stay tuned (I'll have to figure out rules for requests first 😭).

Remember that you can pick more than one and to choose what resonates and STAY HYDRATED!!! I've never done a love reading before so feedback would be very appreciated.

⋆｡° ✮ ᴘɪʟᴇ ᴏɴᴇ

For physical features I see that they have brown hair (light or dark brown). For some, your partner might have dreads, locs, or very intricate braids. Their skin may be brown or tanned (or tan easily). They have such an infectious and bright smile, it's like their whole face lights up and it's so beautiful to everyone seeing it. They're muscular, but in skinny way? I don't know how to explain it. Kind of like runners? As for their clothes or clothing style, they might wear either all black or white with a few pops of color. Like an example would be a dark t-shirt with a bright red collar thing and a necklace with a big yellow crystal.

They carry so so so much enthusiasm. Right off the bat they just bring a light very few can bring. They bring so much to people just by existing. inspiration, hope, enlightenment even? They don't even have to be extroverted they just have and give so much energy. They have so many silly little thoughts they share every now and then that seem to come out of nowhere. Their biggest character strength is gratitude. They feel so thankful for everything and everyone and they'll let you know. Oh my god pile 1 you're so lucky this person is so in love with life and will make you in love with life even more than you currently do. They will make you love being human the and feeling and tasting and dancing and experiencing that come with it. It'll have you seeing beauty in the everyday things.

Right now they're going through some really intense spiritual transformation. They need to learn to ask for help when they need it. They'll do well though. They'll find a lot of things could've been solved by just asking for help. Both you and them are at the beginning of your journeys (that doesn't mean your journey is long though), so if you guys think things are already good then I'm thinking of the phrase "universe, show me how good it can get". They're such a good cook & baker by the way. They have a lot of earth and fire placements. Extremely romantic in both the loveydovey type and the artsy sense.

When you come into their life it's very much random and unexpected. My sister just unexpectedly found an item that cleans her flute so I'll take it as a sign that you guys meet at a music / dance event or concert. Perhaps in the same class taking music lessons. Also random message: this meeting is just unavoidable, no matter what you do they'll find their way to you so don't worry. Even if you guys meet, have a conversation, and leave, you guys will keep bumping into each other. Months into your relationship, both of you will look back at this meeting as something purely magical. If they don't believe in fate or magic or some higher power, this will change their mind.

I'm also hearing, "It's so beautiful how deeply you feel." You may have been looked down on for being "overly sensitive" and "caring too much" but they very much appreciate it. Also hearing "Whatever you say, beautiful." like if you told them to do something crazy they wouldn't even question it. Literally remembered this image:

🍈 ☒ Key Words / Items / Etc: The Chariot (representing them), Ruby, the word "baroque", Soprano, Clownfish, Horses, Bells, Lemons, roses, letter S.

⋆｡° ✮ ᴘɪʟᴇ ᴛᴡᴏ

Straight dark brown or black hair, they like wearing more simple outfits most of the time with neutral colors but there will be days where they're like "screw it I'm going to dress all fancy just to go to the library". Often carries a backpack or suitcase or purse everywhere. Worst case of RBF (resting bitch face) ever, but their face is so gentle and pretty too. Maybe wears black glasses (maybe prescription maybe not). A little random but you might find that they look so hot when they're focused? Really nice hands, they might like to wear rings or gloves. Would probably let you paint their nails.

But when you get to know them they're actually goofy and sometimes they don't even know it. "Apartment complex? I find it quite simple actually." vibes. I think a lot of people don't like how confident they look and say stuff like "They think they're better than us." when they never even act like that. Warning they have so many haters and it isn't because they even did or said anything, people see them and their confident energy and assume so so SO much about them. They don't know that though, because to them it seems like they hate your S/O for no reason and they're so confused. In reality they're so soft and kind hearted.

Random thing - they might really like penguins? They have ungodly amounts of patience for everything and everyone it's mind boggling. They're either interested or uninterested in things, so if they're interested they will put their heart and soul into whatever it is. You can see it so well in their work and career, whatever it may be. Embodiment of the word "Meraki". Btw your S/O doesn't want me to "spoil any surprises" take it as you wish.

EDIT: Holy shit there was whole entire paragraph about what I'd guess is the "surprise" that somehow didn't end up in the reading when I copy / pasted it from Notion to tumblr?????

Going to add more to this, it seems that your partner is super shy and a little awkward if that makes sense? Like, if you ever have done readings about specific people, while you may not HEAR their voice, you can kind of feel the vibes of them talking? They kind of remind me of the smell after the rain (which if you're curious, no it was not raining at the time of me doing this reading).

🍈 ☒ Key Words / Items / Etc: Meraki (obviously), Cats, purple & blue, the letter R, birds visiting your backyard often, 777,

⋆｡° ✮ ᴘɪʟᴇ ᴛʜʀᴇᴇ

Instead of starting with physical appearance I think I want to start off with what they're like. Right off the bat their energy is very easy to tap into (in a good way). In fact, after I was done with pile two, I kept on getting intuitive messages for two whole days on what they're like. This whole entire pile I didn't even have to draw a single card. at all. They're extremely talkative, and I wouldn't be surprised if you constantly recieved messages and signs from them. I'd imagine it would be like recieving a loud notification on your phone because honestly whatever chance they get, their higher self constantly is there checking in on you.

They have an incredible sense of humor first of all. They will never fail to make you laugh. I hope this makes sense, but they're almost like a walking four leaf clover or lucky charm. Wherever they go they just bring good luck to themselves and people around them. Perhaps their very existence is a miracle. Their birthday may be in May. This is going to sound weird and no shade to your S/O but they're the type of person you wouldn't expect to be so smart. Usually people think of smart people as like, these serious nerdy looking people, but this person is genuinely so so smart and good at talking to others.

I bet how you guys will meet is that you'll be struggling with something and they'll walk into your life and help you. They have the sort of magic of a teacher that can explain the hardest topics so easily. One of their weaknesses is that they're a little too afraid to ask help for themselves. This person isn't JUST good boy/girl/joyfriend material, but also a great spouse.

Wouldn't be surprised if they have light hair or are ginger. If they have dark hair it's probably dyed. Their hair is so fluffy and if it's long it's very nice to just run your hand in. A very comfortable style, I could imagine that they sometimes wear soft pastel colors (Blue, green, orange mostly) or neon. Hoodlies, loose clothing, handmade clothes.

🍈 ☒ Key Words / Items / Etc: Four leaf clovers, 444, cats with different colored eyes (kinda specific), spiders, random light colored yarm / wool.

⋆｡° ✮ ᴘɪʟᴇ ꜰᴏᴜʀ

Your partner is probably much taller than you. They probably have silver jewelry and long hair. They put in a LOT of effort into how they look, they always look so fashionable. They also take great care of their body too. I don't think it's to the point where they're vain though, they just take care of themselves and like dressing cool. They may have blue, green, or grey eyes.

First of all, this may come to a shock to you but your partner is very spiritual. When you meet them they'll probably have already spent years learning about and practicing their spirituality. Everyone that meets them thinks that they're mentally just wise beyond their years, and I don't mean when it comes to academics (though that might be the case). There's just something about them that makes them feel like they've been on this earth for a long long time and have witnessed many things and met many people.

They may actually be a historian, anthropologist, archivist, librarian, psychologist, or sociologist. Okay I've just been having this stuck in my head while doing this reading but I'm imagining like, a rock or statue with moss growing on it. Also I'm feeling strangely calm and warm right now. I don't know if "calm" would even describe it, it's like complete serenity.

When you meet them it might be in somewhere incredibly crowded, but it'll feel like it's just the two of you. You could maybe meet them through a friend and have a nice long night drive talking to each other. They genuinely love you. I mean obviously this is a future partner reading so of course they would, but this love runs so deep. There's not any way that I can get you to fully understand the depths of this love, so you'll just have to wait and see!

They're the type of person that makes people comfortable enough to be themselves without worrying about judgement, mostly because to be honest this person is seen as "weird" themselves. You make them love humanity, is another message I'm getting.

Also a note that I didn't even pull cards for this, it was all intuitive so usually I take it as a sign this person's energy / presence is strong and you probably receive messages and signs from their higher self a lot. Or maybe their 3d human self consciously sends positive energy your way, a sign of this is randomly feeling warm and cozy and calm for no reason. P.S. they probably think about you as much as you think about them.

ALSO!!!! PILE 4 don't stop reading it yet there's a message I got for you guys but I feel called to put it at the end separately for all of the piles!

🍈 ☒ Key Words / Items / Etc: 888, blueberry, lights that flicker for no reason, or maybe dreams where you see some sort of light floating around, rainbows, bees, Magician card, the word "arbiter"

𝕄𝕖𝕤𝕤𝕒𝕘𝕖 𝕗𝕠𝕣 𝔼𝕍𝔼ℝ𝕐 ℙ𝕀𝕃𝔼!!!

I know someone (not all of you) is thinking "Nahh this sounds too good to be true", well 1. that's the magic of soul connections and love & 2. Please stop lowering your standards because it's "unrealistic" because I swear you're not asking for much from a person. You deserve something "too good to be true" bestie (And also, remember, YOU are a dream come true for them too 😭).

"Why me what's so special about me 🫤 " on god you're the type of person who asks for signs from your spirit guides and then ignores them like they're tiiiireeedddd. Real talk though, you don't know how beautiful you are to a strangers eyes because you grow accustomed to your face. You don't know how smart and amazing you are (and yes knowing a lot about a random show or book or random subject counts as being smart shhh).

You are so perfectly human you just DON'T KNOWWW. I

f you think like this (or even if you don't because we should all do this), I'm giving you homework. Make a list of everything you are grateful for yourself for doing / being, what topics and interests you have, your favorite fashion style, achievements, color, animal, your favorite song, things you have around the house that you like and why, etc.

YOU ARE AN INTERESTING PERSON!!!! If you have a good relationship with your parents / guardians or grandparents or aunts or siblings, ask them what they love about you. Get to know yourself!!! A lot of things are cool and special about you!!!!!!!!!

-Eiki

[unconventional-lawnchair]

Hi! I don’t know if you’re taking requests from the rivals prompt list but if you are I was thinking these two fit perfectly with barty.

“When we’re done here, we can go back to hating each other. Deal?” “You’re not going to believe this, but I think I actually prefer things like this.”

“So, what are we? Friends? Rivals? Friendly rivals?” “Well, that kiss we just had might point to another option…”

Do You Some Good {Blurb}

Barty Crouch Jr. x Reader

CW: Dubcon Kissing, bickering, closed spaces, Barty being a dick- reader too

WC: ~2k

AN: I am sorry I couldn't find a way to make the second quote to work properly 🫡

You crept through the stacks, heart hammering in your chest as you scanned the shelves for the book Madam Pince refused to let you check out; The Layman’s Guide to Active Practical Potioneering. Remus had been too proud to ask for help, but you’d seen how pale and shaky he looked after every full moon. You weren’t going to let him struggle alone- not if you could find something to ease the pain of his transformations.

Gripping your wand tightly, you muttered, “Lumos,” casting a faint glow over the spines of dusty, leather-bound books. Your fingers trailed along the gilded titles until you spotted it, tucked precariously on a high shelf. You stretched onto your tiptoes, fingers brushing the spine when

“Wow. Never thought I’d see the Gryffindor Golden Girl playing burglar in the Restricted Section. Recon I've seen it all now.”

You groaned, rolling your eyes even before turning to face him. Sure enough, Barty Crouch Jr. stood there, leaning against a bookshelf with that insufferable smirk plastered across his face. He looked completely at ease, like he belonged here, which only annoyed you further.

“Don’t you have anything better to do?” You shot back, placing one hand on your hip. “Plot world domination? Pick on a few first-years- oh, wait, is this the part where you monologue about how clever you are for catching me?”

Barty straightened, giving you an exaggerated, mock-hurt expression. “You wound me, darling. I don’t monologue. That’s for the villains in bedtime stories. I prefer to keep things… hands-on.”

You snorted, turning back to the shelf. “Congratulations. You’re the first person to make breaking and entering sound even more pretentious than it already is.”

He stepped closer, his voice dropping to a conspiratorial whisper. “Pretentious or not, you’re the one getting caught. Should I summon Filch now, or do you want to grovel first?”

You spun to face him, your eyes narrowing. “And what exactly are yo doing here, Crouch? Collecting dark magic recipes for your villainous scrapbook?”

He shrugged, looking entirely unbothered. “Unlike you, I have permission to be here, darling.” He paused for effect, letting the smugness seep into his tone. “But please, do go on about my moral failings while you’re stealing from the Restricted Section.”

“Oh, shove it, Crouch.” You snapped, brushing past him. “You wouldn’t know morality if it hexed you in the face.”

“Morality.” He mused, stepping into your path, “is for people who don’t win. Which reminds me- you don’t even know what you’re looking for, do you?”

Your glare was enough to send most people running, but Barty just grinned wider, clearly enjoying himself. “As a matter of fact, I do,” you retorted, holding up the book triumphantly. “And you’re going to stay out of my way.”

“Right. Because you’re such an expert on potion-making,” he said, crossing his arms. “Let me guess; you’re going to throw random ingredients into a cauldron and hope it doesn’t blow up in Lupin’s face?”

The use of Remus’s name struck a nerve, but you refused to let it show. Instead, you mirrored his smug tone. “And here I thought you were just stalking me for the cliff notes, but no, you’ve got the whole story. Bravo. I’m impressed.”

He raised an eyebrow, stepping closer. “You should be. I know exactly what I’m doing here, unlike you, who’s about five minutes away from making a mess you can’t fix. Want me to show you how it’s done?”

You barked out a laugh. “Oh, please. The day I take advice from you is the day I decide to believe you have a heart, Barty.” You sang his nickname so sarcastic and so bloody pretty, he thought. “Thanks, but I’ll pass.”

He leaned in, close enough that you could feel the warmth of his breath. “You sure about that, love? Because I think you’re out of your depth.”

Your chin tilted up defiantly. “And I think you’re out of time. Do you hear that? That’s Filch, and he’s going to catch both of us if you don’t stop flapping your mouth and move.”

Barty cocked his head, listening for a moment, and sure enough, the faint sound of footsteps echoed through the library. He grabbed your wrist without hesitation, dragging you into the shadows of a nearby alcove.

Pressed close together, you glared up at him. “Let go of me.” Yoh hissed.

“Not until we’re safe,” he whispered back, his grin returning. “And I don’t mean from Filch.”

You rolled your eyes, your heart pounding more from the proximity than the danger. “You’re impossible.”

“And yet, here I am, saving your skin.”

“Saving me?!” You whisper-yelled, leaning closer. “If anything, you’re making this worse!”

Filch’s voice grew louder, and Barty’s smirk only deepened. “Relax, love. I’ve got it under control. Unlike you.”

Filch’s footsteps drew closer, the sound of his grumbling cutting through the heavy silence. You opened your mouth to retort, but before you could, Barty’s smirk melted into something sharper, more decisive.

“Don’t say I never do anything for you, love.” He murmured, his voice low and teasing.

You barely had time to process his words before he tilted his head down and kissed you.

At first, your brain short-circuited, caught between shock and outrage. He actually had the audacity to-! But the noise of Filch muttering about “students sneakin’ about where they don’t belong” pulled you back into the moment. Your hands moved instinctively, clutching at his robes, unsure if you were about to push him away or keep yourself upright.

And then, something shifted.

The kiss wasn’t just a ploy to keep you quiet; it was… intense. Annoyingly good. Infuriatingly, maddeningly good. His lips were warm, insistent, and- Merlin help you- you found yourself kissing him back.

Barty’s hand came up to cradle the back of your neck, his fingers tangling in your hair as he pressed you further into the shadowed alcove. He tilted his head, deepening the kiss with a confidence that made your stomach flip. You hated him for it. Almost as much as you hated how your knees wobbled slightly under his touch.

Filch’s footsteps paused, his muttering fading for a moment. Your heart jumped into your throat, panic surging. But Barty only pulled you closer, as if the heat of the moment could hide you both from the threat entirely.

It worked. Filch grumbled something about “bloody cats” before his footsteps retreated. The tension in the air seemed to ebb slightly, but Barty didn’t pull back. Neither did you.

Eventually, the sound of silence returned, leaving only the quiet hum of your shared breath and the pounding of your heart. Finally, you shoved at his chest, breaking away with a sharp glare.

“What the hell was that?” You hissed, your face hot enough to rival the surface of the sun.

“A brilliant distraction,” Barty replied smoothly, his smirk making a triumphant return as if nothing had just happened.

“Oh, brilliant, was it?” You snapped, wiping your lips with the back of your hand, though the gesture felt half-hearted. “Is this your idea of helping?”

He leaned casually against the wall, looking entirely too pleased with himself. “Well, we didn’t get caught, did we? I’d say it worked perfectly.”

You stared at him, torn between yelling and hexing him. “You kissed me.” You accused, your voice low and sharp.

“I did.” He agreed, looking completely unapologetic. “And, if I might add, you kissed me back. Enthusiastically.”

Your jaw dropped. “I-! That was not-!”

“Oh, it was, darling.” He stepped closer, his smirk softening into something dangerously charming. “You can keep pretending you didn’t enjoy it, but I was there. You weren’t exactly complaining.”

You opened your mouth to retort, but the words caught in your throat. Barty’s hand brushed against your wrist, his touch as infuriatingly gentle as it was deliberate.

“Tell you what.” He said softly, his voice teasing but laced with something more. “When we’re done here, we can go back to hating each other. Deal?”

You narrowed your eyes, refusing to let him see how rattled you were. “Deal,” you bit out, your voice steadier than you felt.

Barty moved forward again, leaving you to press your back against the wall. “Believe it or not,” He chuckled. “I think I quite prefer you like this.”

Barty’s grin widened, sharp and insufferable, as he lingered in the small space between you, the closeness feeling far more deliberate than necessary. His tone dipped, dripping with amusement as he added, “All flustered. A little breathless. It’s… cute.”

Your fists clenched at your sides, the urge to slap that grin off his face growing stronger with every word. “Cute?” You hissed, barely keeping your voice low enough not to alert Filch. “I’ll show you cute when I hex you into next week.”

He chuckled, infuriatingly at ease, and took a slow step back, as if giving you space was some kind of favor. “Now, now, let’s not resort to violence. We’ve already had our hands full tonight, haven’t we?” His gaze flicked to your lips, just for a second, before meeting your eyes again. “Besides, it’d be a shame to ruin our… collaboration.”

You glared, brushing past him with a sharp shove. “Collaboration? Merlin’s beard, you’re delusional. You ambushed me, kissed me, and somehow think that makes us a team.”

Barty followed at a leisurely pace, clearly enjoying the game. “Oh, come on, darling. Admit it. You’d still be stumbling around in the dark if it weren’t for me.” He plucked the book from your hands before you could react, holding it just out of reach. “What’s in here, anyway? Something for your precious Lupin?”

Your stomach twisted at the mention of Remus, but you refused to show weakness. “Give it back, Crouch,” you demanded, your voice deadly low.

He tutted, wagging the book teasingly. “Temper, temper. I’m just curious. You’re a Gryffindor, after all- so noble, so self-sacrificing. What could possibly be worth breaking the rules for? Risking your perfect little record?”

You lunged for the book, but Barty dodged easily, his laughter echoing softly in the restricted space. He glanced at the cover, raising an eyebrow. “The Layman’s Guide to Active Practical Potioneering.” His tone turned mocking. “Oh, how riveting. Let me guess- you’re planning to save the day again? What exactly are you planning to brew there, love?”

“It’s none of your business.” You snapped, trying again to grab the book. This time, he let you take it, his smirk never wavering.

“Touchy, aren’t we?” He mused, leaning against the nearest shelf. “I don’t know why you bother. Lupin’s a big boy; he can handle himself.”

You froze for a fraction of a second before stuffing the book into your bag. Was that jealousy in his tone? “You don’t know anything about him.”

“Maybe not,” Barty said casually, inspecting his nails. “But I do know you. You’ve got this little savior complex, don’t you? Always rushing in to fix everyone’s problems. It’s endearing, really.”

Your jaw tightened, his words cutting closer to the truth than you liked. “I’m not doing this for you or anyone else’s approval, so spare me your analysis.”

Barty pushed off the shelf, stepping closer once more. His voice softened, but his smirk remained. “Maybe not. But you should be careful, darling. All that heroics can get messy. And I’d hate to see you get in over your head.”

His tone was almost genuine, and for a moment, you didn’t know how to respond. But then he gave you a wink, and the spell broke. “Don’t flatter yourself, Crouch. The only thing messy here is your personality.”

You turned on your heel, heading for the exit before he could see the faint blush creeping up your neck. His laughter followed you, echoing through the stacks. “See you around, darling. Don’t forget- if you need help, you know where to find me.”

You didn’t look back, but his words lingered long after you left the library, your heart still racing for reasons you refused to acknowledge.

Bloody git.

[talon-dragonbeast]

Anglocentrism in alterhuman communities: ramblings of a Spanish-speaking dragon and a cat

[original in spanish here, though i have no doubt that this version will be disseminated more widely] • [original en español aquí, aunque tengo la certeza de que esta versión se difundirá más ampliamente]

this post was originally written as part of The Sol System's Alterhuman Writing Challenge. written by @talon-dragonbeast, with the help of my sibling @watcherwingedcat. we hope you like it!

word count: 2422

This writing, which is more of a rant with myself than a proper essay, is one I've been meaning to write for a long time; ever since I first joined an online community, to be more precise. Anglocentrism, according to Wikipedia (and yes, the irony of the article not being available in Spanish is not lost to me), is "the practice of viewing the world primarily through the lens of English or Anglo-American culture, language, and values, often marginalizing or disparaging non-English-speaking or non-Anglo perspectives."

If you are monolingual and your native language is English, chances are you have never stopped to think about the advantage this gives you over those of us who are not so fortunate as to be born with the lingua franca on our lips. Yes, you may have had to study some Spanish in school, but let's be honest, very few people remember what they learn in elementary school. As an English speaker, the whole world is built for you, and it's the rest of us who have to fit your mold. Culture, scientific articles, movies, books, video games, the internet, online communities, technical language, educational videos: even in the most international spaces, everything revolves around English. Which brings me to the subject of this writing: The Alterhuman community.

My name (as I am known on the internet, at least) is Talon. I've been a member of the alterhuman community, and more specifically, the otherkin community, for a little over a year now. Otherkin (a word that comes from other, in Spanish otros; and kin, shortened form of kind, in Spanish tipo) are people who identify as nonhuman in some way. For example, I identify as a dragon (among other things), and that's what I am, even if I look human on the outside and am perceived as such. There are many reasons why someone might believe they are not human, but I'm not here to discuss that, so let's get back to the topic at hand.

Since I've been in this community, I haven't written a single post in Spanish. And not for lack of desire, nor because I am intimidated to share something as personal as my mother tongue. No, the reason is simple: The community does not exist in any language other than English. By this I don't mean that there are no non-humans outside of England or the United States, because of course there are (even if they are on other platforms like TikTok or Instagram), and I'll talk about those later. But simply put, the reason you don't see many alterhuman communities in other languages is because all the resources, the introductions, the chronologies of the (English) alterhuman community, the definitions of the terms, the terms themselves, everything is in English.

I have always been bilingual. Well, trilingual actually, although my third language is not too relevant in my day to day life and I only use it in classes or when someone starts a conversation in the language. It's hard to explain how your brain works when you speak multiple languages fluently, but basically it's like running two parallel systems at the same time, but with thoughts. I don't usually think with words, but when I do it usually happens that some of my thoughts are in Spanish, and others in English, roughly in a 50/50 ratio. Or it can also happen that I start the thought in one language, but finish it in another. Or I may try to use a specific word in English that does not have an exact translation into Spanish, so that when translated literally the sentence does not make sense. Basically, everything I write or say out loud I have to run it through several filters first, one to remove the words from the other language, one to find the words to replace them with, and one to make the sentence make sense. Sounds exhausting, doesn't it? It is. Now imagine if in order to express yourself as you really are, in order to participate in a community with beings who understand and accept you like no other, you had to basically suppress half of who you are, all the time.

The problem is not only not being able to use my native language to express myself. As I have demonstrated in the last year and a half that I have been in this community, I am fluent enough in English not only to be understood when I speak, but also to express such complicated concepts as the self, human nature, the psychology of being, and all that comes with existing as nonhuman. The real problem comes when I try to express relatively common alterhuman concepts in my native language. I'm not just talking about labels like otherkin or therianthrope, which can be adapted to Spanish with relative ease. It's the little things, the simplest things.

For example, the term shift. The word itself is already difficult to translate; during my searches, I found a glossary of terms on the Otherkin Hispano website in which they call them "desplazamientos", which... is an accurate translation, I guess, but impossible to use comfortably in everyday life. There are also terms whose definitions use expressions that simply cannot be translated into other languages. For example, otherkin and otherhearted. In English, the difference between these two terms is that otherkin means "[to] identify as" while otherhearted is "[to] identify with". But this is a purely English expression. In other languages, the distinction does not exist, or it makes no sense to use it; therefore, these terms are totally inaccessible to any international user. Or compound words like "catkin", which are difficult to express in other languages. According to Otherkin Hispano, in Spanish it would be said as is without translation, Soy catkin. But that... is not grammatically correct, since it would be mixing two languages in the same sentence. The most appropriate would be to say Soy gatokin, which sounds wrong and doesn't make sense anyway, because kin is still an English word. Or "hearttype", which in Spanish could be roughly translated as "tipo del corazón" (kind of [the] heart). When saying that you have a specific hearttype, for example "corvidhearted", one way of expressing it could be a simple Soy corvidhearted, which carries the same problems as catkin. Or you could, as Wikipedia advises, say Soy corazón de córvido ("I am heart of corvid"). I don't dislike it, to be honest, but some might find it too metaphorical or poetic.

Finally, and before reaching the conclusion, I want to dedicate a few paragraphs to talk about the alterhuman community that exists in other languages. I mentioned before these communities; that although they do exist, they are very scattered through platforms such as TikTok or Instagram, with which I am not so familiar. But since I can't talk about Anglocentrism without at least talking about the Spanish-speaking alterhuman community, I asked my sibling Watcher @watcherwingedcat what it thought about the topic. This is what they wrote:

Hi guys, I'm Watcher, and I'm here to talk a bit about the Spanish-speaking therian community, which I think is the pristine example of the hate we receive both from people outside the community and from those inside, both Spanish and South American. While this post focused more on the language barriers, I want to focus on the real consequences of this barrier, how it divides us in the way we interact with each other: The social part of this whole thing (as I already said some other time or another and some of my followers know, I am studying Social Education, so from my point of view the social part is very relevant for everything we do). As my sister already said (hi Talon!), the English community is the majority in alterhuman spaces, but, what is the Spanish-speaking community really like?

Not very large, is the answer. The term itself is not very widespread, and the community is quite small. However, after a while of searching, I found it in a little corner of the internet. When I found a community in my own language, I was excited, but my curiosity and joy were soon extinguished... When I saw the reactions to their videos and posts on tiktok mainly. They were packed with hate messages. Packed. If you think hate in the English community is bad, you are not prepared for the hate received in other communities, especially the Spanish one. This is more a matter of culture, a little bit also due to the closed mindedness in countries like Spain, Argentina, or Colombia.

In general, the non-humans of the Spanish-speaking community mostly post about quadrobics and masks. At least, I haven't seen much beyond that, and the community is mostly in tiktok. And the reception of their expression of way of being? Disgusting. To give an example of how bad the hate is, in one of the videos I found (I think it was a therian making a mask or something), humans and non-humans were insulting the therian posting the video, discussions about how we are crazy and sick in the head and should be in mental institutions... It was horrible. The worst were the death threats, even, wishing the therian to die, or hang themselves, or worse (I've even seen rape threats). Comments that said things like, "If my sister told me she was a dog I would take her clothes off and force her to sleep outside and eat animal food, if she wants to be a dog I will treat her like one." Threats of abuse, both physical and sexual... Absolutely disgusting. And the worst thing is that the tiktok platform did not remove these hate accounts, the copy and paste messages of insults, the threats....

I am proud of the Hispanic community for being so open about their identity, don't get me wrong, but there are times when it is safer to just not share that part of who we are with others, especially if you are a minor and vulnerable. That's another issue that concerns me, as I've seen people coming out to parents, siblings, friends, and them just belittling them. That, coupled with misinformation, is a recipe for disaster.

I couldn't help but notice the deep root of misinformation in the non-human community itself. They confuse definitions, the different terms, which leads them to spread even more misinformation. This I don't think is entirely their fault, or that they are so young for the most part, as I have not seen Hispanic therians over the age of 18. I think this is largely due (as Talon already mentioned) to the language difference, and the lack of translation of certain terms. In general, when talking to friends with whom I am open about my non-humanity, I use English terms. It is a little weird to use those words in English while speaking in Spanish, but I am bilingual and for now there is no solution to that. I think the Spanish community would benefit from spreading correct information, and having a platform to express themselves with their own, like tumblr is for the English community. Something my sister expands on in dreir post. As for me here I finish my little comment, I'll leave you with Talon now. Watcher out.

As a conclusion, I would like to talk about the consequences that Anglocentrism might have on non-English speaking alterhumans, and then propose some ideas on how we might begin to address (or at least mitigate) it as a community.

First of all it is the obvious; the vast majority of non-English speaking alterhumans simply never realize that they are alterhumans in the first place, on account of the language barrier. All of the resources for beings who are questioning their humanity or lack thereof are in English, so they are not accessible to people who don't understand the language; therefore, a non-English speaker would have a much harder time accessing them. Another consequence is not being able to express your alterhumanity fully, both internally and externally. Remember when I mentioned that my thoughts are evenly distributed between English and Spanish, always keeping a 50/50 ratio? Well, recently, I have noticed that when reflecting on my identity as a dragon, all my thoughts are automatically generated in English. I find this deeply shocking, as I feel that a fundamental part of my identity is being eroded. It is devastating to feel that you can only express half of who you are, suppressing what could otherwise be a complex and multifaceted identity. Not being able to express myself in my other language limits my ability to explore that part of myself.

Anglocentrism is a cycle that never ends; since all the resources are in English, no members in other languages can join, and since there are no members in other languages, all the resources that are created are in English. And while I wish I could say that I have a solution to end this Anglocentrism once and for all, unfortunately, I do not. I am only one person (dragon), and this is a problem that I alone cannot solve. True, there have been some commendable attempts by the international community (translations of writings, alterhuman blogs in languages other than English, the Eurokin server on Discord are some examples); however, these initiatives often don't often get very far because of the very nature of the community. As I have already said, most of the alterhumans are North American or English, therefore any attempt to globalize the community would be restricted by the fact that there are not many members who would be interested in this in the first place. So what can we do to change this? The answer lies in you, reader. If you have a second language, encourage yourself to create writings in it from time to time. If you come from a culture other than the mainstream, talk about how that affects your identity. If you have traditions specific to your country that you believe are alterhuman in nature, share them. And if you are part of the English-speaking majority, I invite you to contribute in a positive way through simple actions, such as listening to us when we express ourselves in other languages, recognizing that we do not all share the same culture, and keeping an open mind when discussing topics that may be unfamiliar to you. Our strength as a community lies in the diversity of our members; let's embrace it.