#Amal Vents

[enchantedtalisman]

even duckduckgo search has become awful

Like if I type in a question like "save haslin before druid camp"

all I get is crap about how to save haslin.

use the whole search query for fucks sake

and god forbid I try to use qoutation marks suddenly there's no search results at all.

[goldlightsaber]

i just want what kieran culkin and his wife have

[black-lake]

astro observations 11

your astro granny is back, I've been doing this for so long omg. some of it is venting, like always, so ignore that, but maybe don't you may find words of wisdom there. anyway, enjoy. also warning, it escalates to heavier subjects fast 🪐 🔭

 ——

🕰️ Virgo and gemini risings can pull off any type of glasses, sunglasses, bug-eye glasses, cat-eye, mirrored ray-bans, you name it. They even look cute with goggles no joke. They also make the smart and academia aesthetics look so cool and elegant in a chaotic way, not in a taurus capricorn way but in a- 'I spilled coffee on my boss's laptop this morning and I'm still talking about it way- because omfg- did you see the way they looked at me? it's like I've done it on purpose or smth but I didn't, not sure if they have a crush on me or they fucking hate me, what do you think? I'm pretty sure they don't hate me tho, but I can't tell, do you think I should quit?' 🎙️🎬

🕰️ I recently looked up George Clooney's chart and omggg, it all makes sense. The moon conj saturn in capricorn, giving him that nostalgic wise aura along his taurus sun, uranus and pluto opp ascendant kind of indicating finding his perfect partner later on in life, venus in aries and mars in leo, he's fiery but that fire so damn well contained with all the earth. His asc and jupiter in aquarius, yeah only an aquarius women with so much air and intelligence can maintain his attention and lock him in lmao. His synastry with Amal Clooney reminds of that of Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively. Manifesting a relationship like this for everyone reading 🧘🏼‍♂️✨

🕰️ Personal planets in scorpio 10° or 22° is a sexy mf combo, esp moon, venus, mars and asc, it gives bedroom eyes and seductive domineer, also godmade bone structures. 🗿

🕰️ Pluto opposite or square ascendant, a very classic aspect for friends/coworkers/admirers/people in general turning enemies and talking shit behind your back. This aspect can easily make people speculate, overanalyze your actions, assume things, spread rumors and lies about you out of jealousy and intimidation. 

🕰️ Any planet conjunct the desc can bring the physical manifestation to that planet's shadow side, up to 10°. It can conceal traits of that planet in the sign it’s in, as it’s descending and escaping the sun’s light. Pluto on the desc brings a few shadow traits out of people and conceals their true intentions from the native. So the native has to face those traits, learn to see them from miles away, to discern what people’s intentions are and whether it's that or their own perception and fears. In other words, they start from naive to paranoid to bs detectors, and it takes a long painful journey to get there.

🕰️ Even tho personal planets on the desc are much easier to see and handle, venus on the descendant can bring shallow traits and empty promises out of people, mars on the descendant, not as easy, can bring out anger, toxic masculinity and aggression. Saturn on the desc can bring immaturity, irresponsibility, immoral and disloyal behaviors out of people, stagnation, delays in connection and loneliness, pushing the native to learn patience and endurance. The native will meet people with such traits over and over again until they learn to spot and discern them faster and take the right action. ☔️

🕰️ I’ll keep talking about it in this blog cuz it’s always been one of my biggest challenges. What I learned with pluto on the desc is that you will keep attracting the same kind of enemies to challenge you if you don’t own your power and stop diluting yourself for someone else's fragile power hungry ego, because people will have a problem with you anyway. Also don’t hold too tight to anyone, never be afraid to lose people, because trust me you will. Almost no one is meant to stay in your life, they’re meant to transform you and leave. The only thing you’re meant to rely on is your power and independence. The moment you see it the easier cutting ppl off becomes. 

🕰️ I have venus in aries and I find myself always having a girl crush on celebs with this placement, Rihanna, Marilyn Monroe, Audrey Hepburn, Elizabeth Taylor, Jennifer Aniston. They all seem to share that fiery independence mixed with a childlike but fierce demeanor which I admire, plus they never age. 🐈‍⬛

🕰️ I have mercury in aries and mars in scorpio, but for some reason I’m fascinated by people with mercury in aquarius and mars in sagittarius, with mercury in aqua I always expect something fascinating about their minds but I can't guess it cuz it's always different, but females with mars in sag omggg the sass is hilarious, I can’t help but laugh when they get blunt, loud and shady out of nowhere lmfao.

🕰️ Speaking of placements I’m fascinated by, what’s the deal with moon in taurus? I keep thinking it must be… nice.. to have? people that have it are so grounded and serene it makes me think it’s the best moon sign. If you have it please share the emotional difficulties you experience, because I can speak of every moon sign emotional traumas in detail but for some reason I be romanticizing this one. ☕️

🕰️ Another placement I really admire is moon conjunct saturn, there’s just something unspeakable, that isn’t tangible (even tho they have timeless mesmerizing eyes) but on a soul level I can sense their wisdom and nostalgic aura. It’s like there’s a balance of feminine and masculine qualities which come out in their mannerisms. People that have it, Timothée Chalamet, George Clooney, River Phoenix, and every hot man ever. 

🕰️ Have you ever asked yourself why Morgan Freeman has such deep unique and easily recognizable voice? It's his mercury conj uranus in taurus. Who else has an easily recognizable voice, Kim Kardashian, mercury conj uranus in scorpio. 

🕰️ Having the axis of virgo-pisces over your sun-moon, like virgo sun opposite pisces moon, or mercury-moon can give someone a soft voice, their voice can even be therapeutic and healing. Think of Michael Jackson's speaking voice.

🕰️ The hardest aspect in any chart for me are oppositions or squares to pluto, saturn and chiron. These are easily the most challenging aspects you can find in a chart.

🕰️ Those that have lilith/pluto in the 1st, 6th, 7th, 10th, 11th tend to have haters in their workplace, in groups or wherever they go often. It’s saddening but I’ve seen it a lot. Can also make ppl copy your style or attitude then hate on it, and never admit they got inspired by you.

-- potential triggers in the following one, pls skip if necessary.

🕰️ Difficult planets on the angles, saturn, pluto and chiron mainly can truly mess with someone's mental health to the point of them wanting to- yeah that. The most drastic effect is when they sit on the descendant and MC, since it deals with connections, groups of people and the public, a lot of it is outside of the native's control, and at times more than what they can handle. Their usually painful past experiences and memories has shaped their perception of the world to a dark and despairing one where they don't see a better future for themselves. A few examples, Kurt Cobain (chiron and saturn conj desc and pluto conj asc all tightly opposing), Mac Miller (chiron conj desc, saturn conj asc and pluto conj MC). Marilyn Monroe (chiron conj MC and saturn close to the IC, pluto conj nn). 

🕰️ I see every major astrological transit as a collective test, lesson and preparation for the next transit. It made sense that corona happened when pluto was in capricorn, a pandemic that restricted our freedom and made us prisoners in our own homes. There was a stellium of mars, jupiter, saturn and pluto all in cap the moment quarantine started in march. It was all about teaching us to respect societal rules and structures that keep us safe, whether it had to do with the government or the medical system, whether it was real or fake or real fake. Yes you have to give up some freedom for safety, that’s how surveillance and security cameras everywhere you go work, for your safety. 

🕰️ It taught us to care for the health of humanity, to live responsibly and respectfully when in crisis, even if that means compromising our freedom and limiting our movement. Trusting that the structure built over the past decades is somewhat reliable and helpful. We saw how some people put their own freedom above anything and anyone out of superiority, that's the selfishness we collectively needed to face before pluto moves to aquarius and we are given freedom we didn't learn how to appreciate or use responsibly. We had to learn the value of personal freedom vs discipline and structure.

🕰️ There are two planets I’ve seen repeatedly in people that manifest like magic, saturn and neptune. To add a third it would be uranus. Conjunctions and oppositions to these planets are like superpowers in manifesting your desired reality. All work in different ways. 

🕰️ For example people that have personal planets conjunct saturn (esp sun and moon) are easily attuned with the physical world and have some sort of control over time, turning it backwards or forwards, making themselves look younger and older at the same time, knowing the actions to take to bring anything into the three-dimensional world.

🕰️ Now this leads me to an astrology book I recently came across, the Alien Constructs the work of Edwin Steinbrecher and Stephanie Jourdan, discovering aspects that constitute an alien chart. The alien construct occurs when one of the outer planets, that is saturn, uranus, neptune or pluto, is conjunct or opposite the sun, moon, ascendant or the chart ruler. An individual that has one or few of these is different from other humans, they possess supernatural abilities, and typically have rough childhoods and adolescence.

🕰️ Every aspect with each of the outer planets has a unique ability, for example when the sun conjoins an outer planet it's called Power Alien Construct, the moon conjoining an outer planet is a Vessel Alien Construct, an outer planet conjoining the ascendant is an Instrument Alien Construct, an outer planet conjoining the descendant is a Shadow Alien Construct. Saturnian aliens are able to manifest things in the physical realm, plutonian aliens are masters of metamorphosis and irreversible change, uranian aliens are able to see the future and raise energetic frequencies. 

🕰️ Sun conjunct pluto is Plutonian Power, aliens are able to destroy that which is not built upon truth, understand the true nature of birth, sex, death and power, generate energy and power,  integrate polarities, perform psychic surgery, see beneath solid surfaces, shape-shift into animals, minerals or plants, heal utilizing sex, magnets or lasers.. etc. Moon conjunct uranus is a Uranian Vessel, aliens are able to comprehend the cycles and trends of the futures, safely corral erratic energy or electricity, channel high-frequency beings, telepath to imprisoned or trapped individuals or animals, sense the formation of inventions and innovations. Look it up, it's fun and tell me what alien construct are you and how you relate to it. oh it reminds me of a post I did a while back of aspects as superpowers.

Happy pluto in aquarius 🛰️✨ (will come back in years and see how this aged)

[nightshade-and-frogs-breath]

I myself am entirely made of flaws, stitched together with good intentions.

basic info about me:

@for-the-throat -> @nightshade-and-frogs-breath

names: Crybaby/Victor/Pierro/Theory/Wirt/Wylan/Jesper/Spike/Ellis/Auggie/Barr-el/Lock/Orpheus/Seth/Sal (Vic, Theo, or Vicky are okay too :) )

(most preferred atm: Orpheus/Crybaby/Theory/Victor/Pierro)

nonbinary- he/they/blur

sexuality: probably aroacespec I don’t fucking know at this point 💀

I do have a writing specialty (aka my guilty pleasure), which are sickfics and whump, most of the time for specific characters.

!!Please note that I am a minor!!! (so y’know don’t be weird)

the dni criteria is pretty basic (dni if you’re ableist, racist, homophobic, etc.)

cringe culture is not a thing, fuck that

sideblogs, because I get bored: @seths-still-talking-somehow (main sideblog), @sankta-inej-the-pirate-queen (Inej themed sideblog) @kazbrekkers-left-eyelash (Kaz-themed sideblog), @a-sacred-ash-tree (Matthias sideblog) @i-kinda-like-your-stupid-face (Jesper sideblog) @the-queen-of-mourning (Nina sideblog), @not-all-poisons-have-an-antidote (Wylan sideblog)

some of my awesome amazing oh-so-talented mutuals!!!- @sorebelflower , @aestophobia , @willsperotruther

some of my interests:

Six of Crows

Bungou Stray Dogs (current hyperfixation)

Ramshackle

(things I’m still interested in but less interested)

ENA

The Stanley Parable

Ride the Cyclone

Hadestown

BSD RP blogs I run:

Kenji Miyazawa ( @undefeated-by-the-storm )

Ace ( @my-madness-lieswithin-thesecards )

Nikolai (BEAST) ( @clown-overcoat )

Akutagawa (BEAST) ( @dont-chase-the-beast )

Spade (OC) ( @seventh-of-trades )

Ethan (Spade) (OC) ( @third-in-the-deck )

Royalty AU Spade ( @shovel-and-arrow )

Eloise Lucian ( @get-necromanced )

Preschool AU Eloise (4) ( @itty-bitty-necromancer )

Circus AU Yosano ( @the-magician-is-in )

Media Industry AU Dazai ( @just-take-the-photo-mackerel )

Stageplay Kunikida ( @doppo-idealist-poet )

Josephine (OC) ( @greenfinch-and-robinet )

asks are always open!!

Tags:

vic’s reblogging again: basically what it sounds like lol

vicky’s being emo again: vent/rant tag

vicky answers: answering asks!

victor’s dumb thoughts: stuff that I talk about

eye boy 🧿, connie candy 🍬, dark jade 🧷, stargazer ⚰️, finley 🕸: mutual tags

DONATION LINKS:

https://gofund.me/6b57458c

https://gofund.me/71c9635a

https://gofund.me/bc721399

[laplumesansmasque]

Le Concert de la Méditéranéé

Je viens d’assister à un superbe concert de la chorale juive Diasporim Zinger et du groupe arabe instrumental & vocal AMAL. Par les temps qui courent, voir l’union dans la musique de juifs et arabes sur scène est un signe fort montrant le désir des deux communautés de vivre en France en amitié et de fêter la vie ensemble,contre vents et marées. Créateur et chef de la chorale depuis plus de 35…

[pyotan]

Lace or Silk?

(context: I imagine Ijs wants to look all pretty and nice for his monster husband’s heat so he makes the poor decision in having Amal help. Teasing about height and all, a stool comes out at some point and now Ijs is hugged from behind UGGGGH)

“Noooo Amaaaal, ssssstopppp!” Ijsbrand giggles as he feels his husband’s beard scratch into the exposed crane of his neck. Silver being greeted with the coarse hairs of his lover, there is no denying the heat that swells below.. And it only adds all the more enticement to the held bunny. “You haaahhhve.. Ohh..” G’amal’s touch wanders down too far and cannot help but to be mischievous.. Grabbing at Ijsbrand’s bulge that dwells within the violet lace. Pulse and heat can be felt even with fabric in between and preventing a raw hold.

“I haaave to touch you..” A sickingly hot whisper in his nape, his words may sound playful but the tone is just a ting of demand. “I have to feel everrrry thrrrread..” Hungry purrs.. As G’amal holds his lover’s throbbing cock.. “And I musssst say, this is farrr too revealing.” 

“Mmmmh?” Ijs hums, unable to manage words for his throat dry in heat and yet mouth full of spit that he’s unable to swallow. His lips are pursed in need, hands reaching back to stroke at the puffed tail that’s begun to swat at his back.. 

“Lisssten..” As he says this, Amal playfully smacks his fingers over the very head of Ijs’ bound shaft. Wet smacks, Ijs nearly cums from that tease alone but he catches himself by /finally/ swallowing and whining.. “You’rrrre toooo naked… I’ll rrrrip this before we get to the pool..”

“Mmhhh..” A frustrated whine now.. Ijs thrust his hips back and such a gesture has Amal almost stumbling on his ass as he is bonked off the stepstool. “Then.. then what do you suggessst?” Ijsbrand hisses, an irritated trait he’s naturally picked up from his husband. 

“Hehehh..” Crimson watches the fluffed tail of his Wife wiggle in vent. A temptation to pounce.. But first, he looks at the scattered out lingerie and thoughtfully hums. “Hmmm…”

It does not take long for him to find one, luckily.. And with such in hand, the seeker practically hops back into ijs’ space.. Embracing from behind and feeling that aforementioned tail wag at his core as he hugs. A giggle, holds out the chosen intimate wear.  “Welllll…~ what is morrre suiting for my Actias than silk, of courrrse?”

[news24fr]

La lauréate philippine du prix Nobel Maria Ressa et son site d'information Rappler ont été acquittés par un tribunal des accusations d'évasion fiscale, donnant à Ressa une victoire dans une affaire que le journaliste chevronné a décrite comme faisant partie d'un schéma de harcèlement.La directrice générale et cofondatrice de Rappler a reçu le prix Nobel de la paix en 2021 pour son travail de « sauvegarde de la liberté d'expression » et a été félicitée pour avoir dénoncé les abus de pouvoir et l'autoritarisme croissant sous le président philippin de l'époque, Rodrigo Duterte. Sa publication a acquis une réputation pour ses reportages approfondis et son examen minutieux de la guerre meurtrière de Duterte contre la drogue."Vous devez vous battre pour la démocratie": Maria Ressa et son avocate Amal Clooney dans leur quête de justiceLire la suite"Cet acquittement n'est pas seulement pour Rappler, c'est pour tous les Philippins qui ont déjà été injustement accusés", a déclaré Ressa après le verdict, le décrivant comme une victoire pour la justice et la vérité. « Ces accusations… étaient politiquement motivées… Un abus de pouvoir éhonté.L'affaire d'évasion fiscale découlait d'accusations de l'agence des revenus de l'État selon lesquelles Rappler avait omis de ses déclarations de revenus le produit d'une vente de certificats de dépôt en 2015 à des investisseurs étrangers, qui est devenu plus tard la base de l'organisme de réglementation des valeurs mobilières pour révoquer sa licence.Le département de la justice des Philippines a déclaré qu'il respectait la décision du tribunal.Ressa, 59 ans, est en liberté sous caution alors qu'elle fait appel d'une peine de six ans de prison prononcée en 2020 pour une condamnation pour diffamation.Elle a combattu une série de poursuites gouvernementales qui ont attisé l'inquiétude internationale concernant le harcèlement des médias aux Philippines, l'un des endroits les plus dangereux d'Asie pour les journalistes.Les Philippines ont été classées 147 sur 180 pays dans l'Indice mondial de la liberté de la presse 2022, et le Comité pour la protection des journalistes classe les Philippines au septième rang mondial dans son indice d'impunité 2021, qui suit les décès de membres des médias dont les assassins sont libérés.

[geministylin]

Check out this listing I just added to my Poshmark closet: ZYIA Awareness All Around.

[moonlitenchantment]

So, uh my other account got terminated ???

Guess I shouldn’t have freakin’ posted my stories on here really upset if I lost the account forever.

[enchantedtalisman]

Was like two seconds away from quitting today. Swear if someone rushes me again. I'm new and I'm still mostly close to time! Like that's impressive for almost no experience in this field!

[mizgrownnonsense]

What are some books you come back to time and time again?

Oh! Excellent question! Thank you for asking it! (and sorry for the slow response time) My ultimate over-and-over again book is: The Bridge of Beyond by Simone Schwartz-Bart. (Or: Pluie et Vent sur Tellumet Miracle in French...no idea why they changed the title this much in translation)

The book meanders through the lives of two generations of women in Guadeloupe, tracing their joys, heartbreaks, and resilience through a deeply saturated sense of place and the constant presence of Caribbean idiom and folklore. Every time my heart is broken, I read it again. Each time, it teaches me to find wonder in my sorrow, and strength to go on.

On a very different note, my when-I'm-feeling-indulgent-re-read is: The Less than Epic Adventures of TJ and Amal by E.K. Weaver.

It is a tenderly drawn, slowly unfolding romance, and one of my favorite ways to vicariously fall in love. Although I have and re-read the print version, it originated as a webcomic and is still up to read for free in its entirety! (http://tjandamal.com/comic/) It does have some NSFW pages, though, ye be warned.

Academically, I have been coming back to this text over and over again: The Cultural Politics of emotion by Sarah Ahmed

I have to admit, I kind of hated the process of reading it. (Her writing style and mine didn't jive well), but holy shit is it relevant to all my work since then--I quote her constantly.

[philohsophical]

rant/vent/im not even sure tbh

This semester has been so hard y’all :c

The first week of classes I had a extremely traumatic event occur and the mental health implications from it are going to be life long. I also received a new mental health diagnoses in late September, and started meds not long after. The meds literally destroyed any capacity I had to study. I was sleeping for 16+ hours and living with the worst brain fog of my life. I lost all of October because of that, but thankfully switched meds at the beginning of November. However, I have hit the end of the semester and I have realized there is just no way for me to catch up on all the school I missed in September and October. Now I have to apply for a withdrawal, and if I do not receive that I will fail my classes, and these will be the first classes I have ever failed-- which I am so not prepared to deal with. I am not sure why I am sharing all of this, and I doubt many people will even read it, but I felt the need to share it on my page for my own sake, because I see studyblr as such a pinnacle of perfection and everything I want to be. But I have to remember there are others on here like me-- people who are struggling and barely holding on. Appearances aren’t everything, and we are all students and that comes with turbulence.

Also, if you pray or even just want to send well wishes I need everything I can get when it comes to this withdrawal application, and it would be so so appreciated.

I hope you are all having a good semester, and if it is finals for you I am sending you so much luck and love! Please feel free to message me if you are stressed and need someone to chat with.

<3 Amal

[nanowrimo]

Pro Tips from a NaNo Coach: How to Make It Through the Month

NaNoWriMo can seem like a daunting task sometimes, for NaNo newbies and veterans alike. Fortunately, our NaNo Coaches are here to help guide you through November! Today, author Aisha Saeed is here to share her advice on how to take care of yourself while you’re writing:

Welcome to week two of NaNoWriMo! I’m honored to be a coach this month because NaNoWriMo is how I found the determination and motivation to finish my debut young adult novel, Written In The Stars. In the hopes of paying it forward here are some quick tips that helped me I hope will help you!  

1. Write with a friend! 

Back in 2009 when I was working on my novel, a friend introduced me to NaNoWriMo. She asked if I wanted to take it on together. A month to complete a 50,000 word novel felt like a huge task and I was pretty sure I couldn’t do it, but having a friend made all the difference. We cheered each other on, met up for coffee dates, and when we couldn’t meet up we texted each other about word counts for the day. If you don’t have a friend to write with, it’s not too late! Check out the NaNoWriMo forums and look at the meet ups that might be happening near you. It’s a great way not only to write together with others, but to perhaps make a friend or two. 

2. Be bold and proud about taking on NaNoWriMo this month. 

It can be intimidating to announce you’re writing a novel. I encourage you to share it with the world! At the very least make sure to let friends and family know. A 50,000 word novel requires time away and to yourself to do what you need to do. It means sometimes you’ll say no to a hang out or a sporting event. Let those close to you know about this huge undertaking and ask for their support. As a mama to three boys, I let my partner know we’ll be eating a bit more take out than usual and the house will be messier. It’s okay! The dishes will always pile up—but NaNoWriMo is a month for you to do something for you. 

3. Front load your word count when you can. 

I said this before and I’ll say it again: 50,000 words in the span of one month, which also includes Thanksgiving holidays, is hard. Whenever I do NaNoWriMo, I never get any writing done around Thanksgiving because family is visiting and there are turkeys to be baked and stuffing to be chopped. Now, I plan ahead. I make sure to block out days I know I won’t get any writing done and find less busy days to get that extra word count in to make sure I hit my goal. Then, if I do get some time during Thanksgiving to write, it’s a bonus but I’m not hard on myself for enjoying the holidays and taking some time off. 

4. Write through the UGH! 

First drafts are hard. First drafts are ugly. I’m currently working on my ninth novel and I’m sorry to report this fact remains as true as it ever did. There are going to be many times this month you will feel discouraged by your writing and the story. Taking an idea that’s rested beautifully in your mind’s eye and tackling it onto a page is never easy. Your book will improve with time, but first drafts are not about getting the story perfect. They are about getting the words down, creating a ‘lump of clay’ that you will shape into the story that it will ultimately be. I’ve learned to write through the ugly first draft by allowing myself permission to acknowledge this.  

As I write first drafts, I literally write in parenthesis this: (UGH). After a bad chapter or sentence just to vent the frustration about how hard it is, and how bad the sentence or chapter is, I write (UGH) to acknowledge, yes this isn’t what I had in mind, and then I give myself permission to let it go and keep on going. Another author friend highlights the bad sentences as she goes to remember to focus on them on the next round, while yet another friend leaves comments on her document with notes about something to look into more once the first draft is done. This is by no means necessary, but if you feel you are avoiding writing because of how bad the writing feels—take heart that nearly every writer I’ve ever asked feels exactly the same way, and if you need a little short cut to give your permission to write ugly drafts, take it!

Aisha Saeed is the New York Times bestselling author of WRITTEN IN THE STARS, which was listed as a best book of 2015 by Bank Street Books and a 2016 YALSA Quick Pick For Reluctant Readers. She is also the author of the middle grade novel AMAL UNBOUND, which was a Summer 2018 Indie Next Pick and an Amazon Best Book of the Month; has received starred reviews from Publisher’s Weekly and Kirkus; and was a Global Read Aloud for 2018. She has a forthcoming picture book, BILAL COOKS DAAL. Aisha is also a founding member of the nonprofit We Need Diverse Books™.

[thetrial]

Quarantine Routine

Usually i’m not into tag game stuff but this one seems like something enjoyable (not to mention a way to vent). thank you for tagging me @bilaqua 🧡🧡🧡

Are you staying home from work/school?

Yes. we were almost halfway through the semester when we moved to online learning and it sucks so bad i hate it (i understand why it’s necessary and of course the public safety and the wellbeing of the staff and students is the most importnat thing but i’m still allowed to have a bad time). two of my profs are uploading lecture videos, the rest is either self-study (bleh) or video conference calls (i disabled my camera & microphone when i got my laptop and i can’t figure out how to turn them back on and maybe that’s for the best), and every professor has his (lol academic inequality) own preferred software so now i have four different programs on my computer to communicate with my peers and professors instead of emailing like normal people. currently, most of my exams have been cancelled and replaced with assignments which normally i would be ecstatic about (fuck exams) but! normally i would go to the library to work on them and i can’t. and on top of all that every other day we’re getting a useless corona update from the university telling us not to panic and nothing else and it clogs my inbox. hate it hate it hate it.

If you are staying home, who is with you?

i’m with my sister!

Are you a homebody?

i guess so but in moderation? i don’t like going out-out (clubbing etc) but my favourite passtime is finding a nice piece of grass and soak in the sun and listen to the birds and just be. or in general just not be in the house. i don’t know. what IS a home even, what does it mean [”i would like there to exist spaces that are stable, unmoving, intangible, untouched and almost untouchable, unchanging, deep-rooted; places that might be points of reference, of departure, of origi-”]

An event you were looking forward to that got cancelled?

ohoho. academic opportunities (conferences, networking etc). fieldwork for my thesis. a trip to the north of the netherlands (waddenzee) in the easter holiday. seeing my friends in class, tentative friend dates with new people, apprenticeship this summer, getting a job, visiting my family in the countryside, spring as a concept.

What movies have you watched recently?

princess mononoke. umm. that’s it. i’m not hugely into films because the emotional stakes feel so disconnected from my reality and generally it feels all very hollow in a way i can’t really express [”it says nothing to me about my life”]. also i spent every day in the last three weeks sitting down working away on my laptop getting a headache i’m not going to sit down and watch a screen for an additional two hours for fun.

What shows are you watching?

absolutely not. whatever goes for films goes doubly for series. i am not investing time and emotion i do not have to spare in these stories (i’m very irritable right now sometimes i’m more open to series. it’s just something about how they’re so fucking long, and how we’re encouraged to watch them all in one go, i don’t like it). also as i said i have a massive headache from my computer at all times and would rather not. that being said i finished rewatching avatar a couple of days before the lockdown started and i had a nice time.

What music are you listening to?

lots of folk (calms me down), whatever talking heads is, mitski, the mountain goats, soundtracks of films i like, i’ve also been going through my record collection again and reliving those albums and teh memories they carry with them. sadly i decided not to make monthly mixtapes for 2020 so i don’t have a nifty link reflecting my mood.

What are you reading?

a lot because i refuse to consume visual media. this is how you lose the time war by amal el-mohtar and max gladstone. the raven and the reindeer by t kingfisher. carry on by rainbow rowell. someone to run with by david grossman. the conservation revolution by bram büscher and robert fletcher (nonfiction). the fellowship of the ring (inspired by paula @bilaqua, thank you so much i’m having a blast so far). also supposedly la belle dauvage by philip pullman and the master and the margrita by mikhail bulgakov but i haven’t seen them since the quarantine started. and of course university-related books papers theses etc.

next on my list are on earth we’re briefly gorgeous by ocean vuong, the poppy war by rf kuang and reread the earthsea novels because it has been too long

What are you doing for self care?

haha. hahahaha. i started running again after stopping for a couple of years as a way to release tensions. like every person in this city i also started a sourdough starter and i’m baking bread and stuff. i cook a lot and i’m constantly trying out new recipes and cuisines but i did that before as well. as i said laying on the floor, listening to records and trying to find that person inside myself again. reading. going to the store once a week and taking the scenic route. i’m toying with the idea of teaching myself to play an instrument, and i set a goal of drawing every day a bit and spenidng less time on the computer but that isn’t happening with my current workload. i’m sleeping like shit etc and i think that’s the opposite of self-care [”the wind is in from africa and last night i couldn’t sleep”]. i think that generally i’m holding up but i’m not doing very well.

thank you again for tagging me and letting me get this all out

i’m very tired and can’t think of anyone to tag so if you’re iterested you are most welcome to say i tagged you, i would love to read your response

[pyotan]

‘Don’t leave me here alone!’

Prompt: the quote is “don’t leave me here alone!” so imagine Amal getting so abruptly light sick that he loses himself and consciousness. Ijs’ moths guide him back to reality~?

‘You can’t leave me here alone!’

Nothing but absolute light. Bright, endless. Even with one’s eyes supposedly closed, there is no escape from it. An overcast of light, Amal can only grumble into himself.. His beast self, lost in all the light. 

Bright, bright, bright.. 

And then a sudden burst of color..! A buzzing about, scent of water lilies.. The beast looks about in desperation, a /need/ for something that is not just blinding white.

‘Nooo.. pleassse..’ A whine, he stumbles onto his feet. Woozy, aching.. He howls in such a pathetic plea before collapsing once more. ‘Don’t.. Don’t leaveeee me…’

And then as if his wish were heard, another zipping of colored light.. Orange, blue.. 

Crimson blinks, it glows back in turn.. And an enchantment of inner rumblings, Amal comes up on all fours once more and wobbles forth. He had seen them blitzing, for certain this is all real.. Huffs to vent pain, all around him shaking with his purrs. 

‘Don’t leave me herrrre alone..!’

Sudden grasp of warmth, sudden luring of familiar comfort. Embrace, broken sobs as Amal’s neck is hugged from behind.. Only to soon have his head gently tilted back some.. A kiss to his snout, endearing whispers muttered all into him.. 

“You’re okay, you’re okay. I’m here, Amal.. You’re here..” A hard blink and then.. All of reality comes back. Stars above, a winter breeze.. Shivering and yet met with warm kisses and affections. “There you are, ohh my sunshine..” 

Shaking, trembling.. All he can huff in thought is.. 

“Ijssss…” before breaking into a monstrous sob.

[cheruib]

amal is it ok to vent? it’s nothing serious i just feel hurt and i need some advice- and this is the most uplifting blog i know 🥺

oh yes of course my angel!!!! i’m sorry i just saw this now i was asleep🥺 hope everything is alright!!!!