#Alwaystired

[chronicillnesshumor]

[abbaddonadvocate]

Ad meliora.

[klarasmol]

"I just really need a nap", I think not even an hour after waking up in the morning

[forabetterlifethanthis]

Terriblific

I can’t stand people who use unnecessarily superfluous affectations in an attempt to sound like a linguistic erudite. All they do is come across as supercilious and self-enthralled. Thank the Almighty I have not the proclivity for this.

 The plan for this was to talk about how diametrically terrible and (what’s the difference between positivity and self-praise?) terrific I am. Unfortunately that plan has fallen foul to the fact that I feel absolutely shit today. Bottom of the sewers, beneath a giant fatberg level of shit. I could go into it, but who cares. I fear it may affect the rationality of my writing. Then I thought, I don’t really care either.

 So, I am terrible. That’s pretty obvious. I am incapable of gratitude, incapable of enjoyment, incapable of empathy, and incapable of acceptance. My thoughts consist of “how long until I can die” and “I’m really hungry”. I exude miasmic misery into the lives of the people I love and care about. Then they feel sad. Then I feel sad because they feel sad. I have an unmovable mentality that the world is awful and everyone is awful.  I think that even if I were to be healthy, why would I want to breathe in a world like this. We all know the problems. I don’t need to list them. I have my suffering and I have my pain but instead of trying to overcome them, I let them bring me down and self-flagellate myself with every pejorative I can express. I allow feelings of helplessness and hopelessness to dominate me with no resistance. My motivation lies in tatters and the only things I enjoy are food and pills. Instead of getting on with my life, I am obsessed with making sure everyone knows just how miserable I am. There must be a word for this. Alas,not one that I know of. I have delusions of grandeur and dreams of lives that I will never have and probably wouldn’t even want. I am a hypocrite. I denigrate my generation for being so self-enraptured and yet I am the exact same. At least I am trying to change. Finding it rather impossible right now though. I want to be the people that I hold in such vitriolic distain. Because I am fooled by the fluff and think being materialistically prosperous and desirable will make me happy. It won’t. But try telling my thick brain that. I feel the need to be liked and respected, but I don’t want to want this. I want to be able to smile and let everything go. I wish I could.

 Despite this, I have done some markedly impressive things, by my own low expectations, in my life.  I’ve never travelled the world; I’ve never ran an ironman marathon; I’ve never volunteered to save the rainforests.  In all fairness, I would be hopeless at all these things.  If I were asked now “what is your greatest achievement?”, my answer would be “that I’m still alive”.  Like I have recounted many times, I have had 57 surgeries in my lifetime.  I have endured a lot of needles, a lot of feeling terrified, and a lot of pain.  I have been rejected, derided, excluded and abandoned.  By so many people, and so many times.  I have suffered from varying levels of depression for eight years, with a crescendo from now to the next two months.  Again, despite this, I have had some personal achievements that I am proud of. I got offered a scholarship to an (at the time) top 20 university. Where I managed to scrape a 2:1 while having missed half of my final year. I’ve been offered three full-time jobs since then, and only got kicked out of one.  Unfortunately needing sporadic surgery isn’t acceptable in the cunting corporate city world. But thank fuck for that because I now have a mostly stable job where I have met some people in my short life. Well, maybe not quite so. Might come to that. Anyway, they did leave me on full-pay during my five 19 months off. So, take comfort in your hard-earned taxpayer money being used to fund my salary while I lie in bed feeling sorry for myself. Rule Britannia!

 Writing this truly did mollify some of my more intensely negative emotions. If you didn’t enjoy it, please take some solace in that I did. Here’s a quick update on my current circs: If you do not care, I will not know or be offended or care if you skipped this. As expected, I still have no vision in the eye with potential vision . However, it has been flashing as bad as ever, but I really don’t think I have anything more to say on that.  Sometimes I feel I am getting used to it, other times I want to put my face in my pillow, my fingers in my ears, and scream. I have some tunnel vision in my shit eye, but given the precurser of it being labelled as shit, it remains pretty shit. In terms of my pain, I have had a slight improvement.  It is obdurately and undeniably still there, but it’s as if I am not taking as much notice of it.  Whether that be one of the  cocktails of Valium, anti-inflammatories, nerve blockers or the morphine-family drug, or me being distracted by the flashing,  I cannot tell.  It doesn’t feel like it is a long-term fix.  There is positivity when it comes to my mood.  Instead of wanting to be 1000 miles beneath the earth or eviscerated in the depths of space every day, I now only feel like this around three in four days. That is undeniable progress.  But whether I see myself wanting to be around in 66 days, I am afraid that right now it is an answer that you don’t want to hear. Or perhaps you do. I know I get on peoples’ tits.  

[justin-lee-mann]

#adulthood #alwaystired #havingalaugh https://www.instagram.com/p/CmG7oD9PGym/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[thepoordoctor]

Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhh🤫. Don’t tell them, but 💚🦅Go Birds 💚🦅 #hometeam #philly #flyeaglesfly🦅 #eagles #gobirds🦅 #philadelphiaeagles #football #superbowl #superbowlsunday #healthcare #healthcareworker #healthcareprofessional #studentlife #balancedlife #balanceworkandschool #tryingtobalance #tired #alwaystired❤️ #positivity #joy #grateful #school #gradschoollife #problems #peaceloveandpositivity #peacelovehappiness #peaceloverocknroll #peaceloverockandroll✌🏻️❤️🎶 #peaceloverockandroll https://www.instagram.com/p/CoaOG6TugLI/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[seraphicfrisk]

#alwaystired

growing up is finally realizing why adults were always so excited to go to bed. I, too, don't have the energy for all of this and want to get cozy in bed

[sarllegroupeconfig]

With a long list of benefits from each individual ingredient, it’s no wonder #NutrifiiElite is such a powerhouse! #allyouneed #everythingyouneed #betterhealth #healthyfam #tiredmumsclub #alwaystired #ti

[chronicillnesshumor]

[devonelectric]

Devon loves to ruin his LIFE

on todays episode. i practically dive head first into LASTING DEBT.. will i be able to turn it around? Find out in the coming months!

#juststartabusinessalready #timewaster #alwaystired #unhealthy #shenanigans

[roamintheworld]

Frankie update #alwaystired

[catluvus]

[ad_1] instead have sleep #memes #memesdaily #saturday #weekend #amusing #joke #chuckle #relate #relateable #relateablememes #dim #darkmemes #unfortunate #intovert #intovertmemes #slumber #asleep #exhausted #alwaystired #animal #cat #catmemes #cry #all set #working day #start off #peace [ad_2]

[wild-penguin]

You look very tired in the photo booth selfie while also looking like you want a kiss ❤️

Team #alwaystired

[i-hate-it-here-too]

I swear 90% of my day i spend sleeping 😴 lol