#Also people need to stop making Etsy pins I beg of you

[allowmetohityouwithmyreblog]

Posting this to say I have now watched Deadpool and Wolverine more times that I can count. I bought a tiny Deadpool plush and Wolverine plush, a Deadpool and Wolverine hoodie (it has marypuppins on it‼️) and the cheapest, crappiest marypuppins plush I could find because I wanted her to look as stupid as possible ( I love her so much ). I also have the Deadpool and Wolverine friendship necklaces- yes plural, I bought 2 sets, so I could give my bff one half from each necklace because we couldn’t pick who would get what half- so technically we both ended up with the full necklace. I got the friendship bracelet set. I have earrings made to look like the necklace, and I made a whole butch-verine cosplay for Halloween in the classic jeans-white ribbed shirt-leather jacket Logan look. I can recite almost all the lines. I started collecting poolverine pins and I. bought. A. freaking. Poster. For context, I have had the same two posters in my room for years, and I have no room to put any mothers up with my shelves, so I had to take down a poster. I’ve never done that before. I never spent this much on merch for something I like,, like ever.

Do I have problems?

..My hyperfixations never usually get this bad

[dontgotothenetherworld]

white elephant

ok so i know it’s pretty much canon that like all beetlejuice characters are canon (and i therefore apologize for my previous xmas fic) but i had this really cute idea, and it doesn’t have to be xmas in particular, it can be a general gift giving thing.

(you should google the rules if you really want to know how it’s played, bc i’m not very good at explaining it.)

1393 words

delia was the one who suggested the family do white elephant in the first place. she partly did it because with all the new people added to her family, she didn’t think she could find a meaningful gift for everyone. also, it’d be fun!

once delia explained the rules, an evil grin spread across beetlejuice’s face.

lydia quickly jumped in, “nothing gross, beej!”

the smile fell. “what do you mean by gross?” he asked slowly.

“if you can imagine those two,” she pointed at the maitlands, “being grossed out, it’s gross.”

“hey!” the maitlands, said, in unison, both equally offended.

“what? you’re the ones who are the most easily grossed out, so it’s a safe guideline to go by. i’m doing you a favor!”

the maitlands grumbled, but lydia was right.

“oo! and to make it more fun, we should guess who bought what!” charles suggested.

“that is a brilliant idea sweetie, but i don’t think lydia and beetlejuice can wrap presents, so it’d be kinda obvious.” delia replied.

“to be fair, i don’t know how to wrap presents either.” said charles.

“i think we should try it a normal way this year, and maybe next year we can try your idea.”

“fair enough.”

as soon as beetlejuice confirmed the conversation was over, he popped out of the house. honestly, who knows where he went. honestly, i’m picturing one of those montages from cartoons where the character goes across a bunch of contrasting landscapes.

lydia went straight to depths of amazon and etsy. she was looking for the weirdest thing the internet had to offer. ok maybe not the depths, she was kinda lazy, but it wasn’t the first page at least.

adam literally just googled “gag gifts” and clicked on the first few links he found.

delia decided to, uh, diy a gift. she was planning on making a really shitty diy, and pretend that she was really proud of it. yes it was a bit emotionally manipulating, but it was the spirit of the game.

charles went to target. he thought his gift was hilarious, but i’m not sure if everyone else has his sense of humor.

barbara debated what she should do. should she make something? should she get like a silly board game or something? what was it that lydia liked...? memes! barbara was going to get a meme gift!

when the white elephant exchange finally arrived, everyone had their gift to present, and were excited to begin.

as delia passed around the hat with the numbers in it, lydia attempted to figure out which gift she wanted to open.

there were three really small gifts, including hers, and one huge, poorly wrapped one. what the hell had beetlejuice gotten?

“i got number one!” charles exclaimed when he opened his slip of paper. he grabbed lydia’s gift, which was put in a little green bag. 

“i see you didn’t try to wrap this.” everyone glanced at beetlejuice’s gift, including beetlejuice.

he threw the tissue paper onto the floor, and carefully lifted the item inside. it was a little crochet baby yoda. made even smaller in charles’ hands.

“i’m stealing that.” said barbara at the same time beetlejuice said, “give me the babey, charles.”

“what number do you have?” beetlejuice asked barbara.

“two.”

“ha! i have three!”

charles handed over the baby yoda to barbara and considered his options again. he picked up both adam and barbara’s and shook them lightly, trying to figure out which one he should pick.

“just pick one already!” lydia yelled impatiently.

“alright, alright.” he picked up adam’s gift. he took the little ribbon that was on the box, and placed it on delia’s forehead. it fell off immediately.

charles let out one of those dad chuckles when he saw what was inside. light saber chopsticks. “i might need to figure out how to use chopsticks now.”

“might.” said lydia, contemplatively.

charles hugged his chopsticks to his chest.

beetlejuice faced barbara and wordlessly held out his hand. she sighed and dropped the baby yoda into his open palm.

she picked up delia’s gift, “this should be a safe one to choose, right?”

“yup!” delia replied, a liar’s smile on her face.

barbara smiled and ripped the wrapping paper off. “omg! it’s a box!” she joked. cut to small laughs from adam, delia, and charles. she ripped the tape off, and lifted the gift out of the box. it was a shit delia had made, made of strips of other shirts. there were strips of graphic tees, sweaters, cheetah print, and neon. it was absolutely hideous, exactly as delia had planned.

“i hope you like it! i put a lot of time into making it!” delia tried her best not to laugh.

barbara’s smile faltered, “i love it!” she lied, not wanting to make delia feel bad.

everyone else looked awkwardly at each other, was this a joke...?

delia couldn’t help herself anymore, she burst out in laughter, “don’t worry honey, i meant for it to look bad.”

barbara let out a sigh of relief. “good, because this is horrible.”

“or high fashion.” beetlejuice commented. lydia nodded.

“okay, my turn!” delia jumped up and walked over to beetlejuice’s gift. she tried to pick it up to bring it back to where she was sitting, but it was far heavier than she was expecting. and far heavier than she could lift.

she glanced at beetlejuice with a concerned look on her face.

“go ahead, open it!” beeteljuice enthused.

she ripped the wrapping paper. “what the hell?” she gazed upon a window. a stained glass window, depicting a sunset, or sunrise, over a lake.

“beetlejuice... where did you get this?”

“nevermind that, do you like it?”

“uh... yes?” delia said.

“i love it!” screamed lydia. she looked at her number, “and i think i’m ‘bout to steal it!” she waddled over to the window.

“lydia, it’s my turn.” adam said.

lydia stopped for a second, as if she was loading. “oops. but if you steal this, i’m gonna steal it from you, so... choose wisely.��� she waddled back to her seat.

“since it’s my turn,” he looked pointedly at lydia, “i would like that baby yoda, please.”

“adam, i mean this sincerely,” he handed adam the doll, “fuck you.”

adam blew him a kiss.

beetlejuice sighed and considered his remaining options. there was barbara’s gift, or charles’ gift. barbara’s was a really really tiny box, charles put his in a small bag.

“this better be good.” he picked up charles’ bag.

he greedily pulled the tissue paper out of the bag, and grabbed his gift. “socks?” beetlejuice asked, “plain white socks?”

charles began laughing a contagious laughter. although they weren’t quite sure why it was funny, everyone else began to laugh as well.

lydia finally stopped laughing first, and she stood up. “attention, everyone, it’s my turn. attention, it’s my turn.” she strode over to the stained glass window.

“you don’t want to open mine?” barbara attempted to guilt lydia into opening it.

it worked.

lydia sat, cross legged, in the middle of everyone as she ripped the wrapping paper off. and she ripped the wrapping paper off. and she ripped the wrapping paper off. and she ripped the wrapping paper off. “how small is this thing?” asked lydia as she took the fourth layer off. 

“small.” said barbara, helpfully.

lydia finally peeled off the fifth, and final layer to reveal a little box. she took the top of the box open to reveal a pepe pin.

“omg barbara, i love it.” she pinned the frog onto the collar of her all black outfit.

adam stood up, with his baby yoda clutched in his fist, “well i guess this game is over! it was loads of fun, i’ll see y’all later!” he began to walk off.

“hold on, there, adam. the first person gets to go again.” charles explained.

adam turned to find charles’ outstretched palm. “give me the child.” charles whispered.

“goddammit.” he dropped the doll. “wait, i can’t have my own gift.”

“fair enough, i guess you can steal from someone else.” said delia.

adam looked at all the gifts. he didn’t particularly want any of it.

“adam, i’m begging you, take these socks. i want the light sabers, please.” said beetlejuice.

“twist my arm.” adam said. he handed beetlejuice the chopsticks, and took the socks.

@meangirlsx @meangirlmurphy

this was so fun to write omfg i’m sorry if it’s hard to follow