#Also mutuals I am using some of your art to show her because you all draw perfect guys I hope you don't mind

[somegrumpynerd]

I started making this quiz for my sister and I needed new lil pictures to represent everybody so I started scrolling through the xtale blog and now it's almost 2am and I still don't have one saved for Cross oops

[kifkay]

Winx & Specialists Dynamics that are so Precious to me

it makes sense that in the show, winx and their non-boyfriend specialists don’t interact much. but!! i��m very insane about codependent found families, and I want them all to love each other. so here’s my take on some tet-a-tet dynamics:

rare pairings:

Musa & Timmy: childhood frenemies. they used to go to the same middle school on Melody, and as type-A tweens do, had an intense, “you’re the only person I match myself to” kind of rivalry. they lost contact after Timmy moved away, chilled out considerably, reconnected in Alfea and had a wonderful banter-filled friendship since. because of how fast they slotted back into a friendship, some of their classmates genuinely thought they were siblings.

Tecna & Riven: got up from a rough patch. from “I dislike you but we both love Musa, so we have to be civil” to “you have more depths to you than I expected” to “now that I understand you, I can’t help but admire certain things about you” to “bitch, you are the only person who is as weird and clueless as I am, ARE YOU READY TO GO TO THE ARCADE AND ANNIHILATE KIDS FOR SHITS AND GIGGLES”

Flora & Brandon: little sister, older brother vibes. of similar temperaments and views, they enjoy spending time over a cup of tea — talking about everything and nothing. it’s therapeutic, almost.

(no one in the group knew that Brandon and Flo were good friends. once, when the two had to team up during a mission, Bloom couldn’t even finish saying: “it would be a good opportunity for you to get to know each ot-“, before the specialist-fairy duo were re-creating the most complicated and choreographed hand shake ever. jaws were on the floor.)

Aisha & Brandon: they are sporties, and they like doing sport things together! they don’t talk aside from exchanging brief encouragements and advice while out, preferring to spend their time in companionable silence. sorta like those dads who never talk to their buddies, but somehow have the strongest and longest bonds ever?

Helia & Bloom: artist besties. Bloom drags Helia out on picnics, where they practice observational drawing (and tiktok trends that Bloom desperately wants to reenact but none of the winx are good at arts); Helia responds by taking her out to see art museums in Magix. it’s a fun dynamic of Bloom being the bubbly gold retriever, and Helia being her black cat.

Tecna & Sky: they didn’t have much of a relationship until year 4. somehow, they both got really, intensely into weaponsmithing and built a joint workshop. they found that they enjoy working alongside each other and value each other’s insights. sky goes to tecna when he needs frank, un-sugarcoated advice, and tecna accompanies sky on hikes and other spirited adventures, for “bonding activities” (because he told her she doesn’t get out of her comfort zone enough). it’s a relationship of deep mutual respect.

Sky & Stella: childhood friends. they knew each other as children and enjoyed playing together (which is how Stella also knew Brandon pre-Red Fountaine). at least, until Stella was unofficially banned from Eraklyon because shenanigans, and they lost contact. they still jokingly call each other “My Lady” and “My Lord”.

Stella & Nabu. Both are flirty and extroverted people, who enjoy the spirit of showmanship. They have a friendly rivalry going of who can fluster the villain of the week the fastest.

canon bf-gf dynamics (dating in canon, open to interpretation otherwise):

Bloom x Sky: liked each other since the first meeting; bonded over being the friend group moms. (on unrelated note: bloom gentle parents her friends, while sky goes all exasperated cig mom on his team and repeats things like: “you better go to sleep right now, or so help me Dragon I will take away your Owl pilot privileges-“)

they are not the most outwardly affectionate couple of the winx, yet they are so wordlessly devoted to each other. sky will follow bloom to the ends of all dimensions, when she gets a calling from powers as mystical as she. bloom will always believe in him and see him as his own man, unlike the many who see him only as his father’s son. they were entwined by fate, long before one had met the other; yet, there’s the trust, the respect, the faith so strong — that could have only come from friendship forged and tested by fire.

Stella and Brandon: the hottest power couple; sole reason behind 60% of all student fairies/specialists/witches queer awakening.

they banter all. the. goddamn. time. these dorks are speaking a whole different language.

they are also most comfortable in each other’s company, being able to be their genuine, less polished selves. stella and brandon are both performers bred and born, playing the roles of a noble princess and a knight. it’s nice, to have a safe reprieve from all that acting.

Aisha and Nabu. their love was one that sneaked up on them. their distance, set by a discomfort at the idea of an arranged marriage, bridged as they transitioned from being reluctant comrades to friendly rivals to unwilling friends to best friends to “if someday the moon calls you by your name, don’t be surprised — because every night I tell her about you”

Tecna and Timmy: partners in crime, ride or die, sunny faith in each other — even when the other person doesn’t believe in themself. I have a whole post about them, go read that ;)

Flora and Helia: they are so. they are. they-

icons. the most romantic couple, the one that sets the standards, the one that gives their friends advice. they are extremely attentive to each other’s needs and tender with each other’s feelings.

flora can recite helia’s poems in her sleep, and trace his drawings with her eyes closed. helia brings mielle presents every time he stops by. flora has tea with helia’s dad every other tuesday; she keeps note of every time helia and saladin are supposed to meet up, to be able to whisk helia away after and distract him from his troubles. helia knows how to care of flora’s plants, and sends her lovingly assorted gift baskets semi-regularly.

Musa and Riven. their relationship is push and pull, is joy then sorrow.

it’s all in a drag of a cigarette, in the vortex of a starless night, in the hoarse laughter. “of all the people in the world, why did it have to be you?” she’ll say and smile.

“ I’m afraid we’re doomed, lover,” he’ll reply, faux-casually, and smile back. both of them will know it’s the truth.

their relationship was not built to last, not for the lack of love or try. maybe they were too similar — both headstrong, unbending, bleeding hearts. maybe they were just different enough not to understand their hurts. nevertheless, it was not built to last — but neither of them would ever bring to regret it. love prevails, no matter in what form in comes, or something like that.

[lemonsoured]

A Statement on @patricia-taxxon

After recent events over the past couple of months, my co-director and I have decided that we are no longer working with Patricia Taxxon, and her score/sound design will not be used in the final release of our animated student thesis In Your Orbit. She has rights over all of the audio files that she created, and she is free to use or alter them for whatever other projects may come up for her. We only retain the rights to our visuals. On the off chance that the last festival that is showing the current version of the short gives us any prize money, she will still get a cut of it. She is free to continue to state publicly that she worked on the film originally, and use the soundtrack in her portfolio, but we will not be posting it or promoting it. 

Patricia Taxxon has proven to be a person who is irresponsible at best. She has allegedly had inappropriate sexual conduct with minors as young as 13. She also regularly posts her extreme sexual fantasies on her main Tumblr, and has made claims regarding the nature of pedophilic art that she is not qualified to be making. She has also posted from behind closed doors that she has intentionally been manipulative regarding her apologies for her alleged sexual misconduct.

The original victim who accused her was harassed off the internet both times she came out about this, and no longer wishes to be contacted on this matter. However, the idea that any of the allegations were ever rescinded due to misinformation, or proven untrue, is false. In my opinion, I believe the victim’s testimony. It lines up with what I remember the environment of Taxxon’s discord server being like when I was there.

During the production of the short film, I was already aware of some of the accusations made towards Taxxon, but as I was a close friend, I wanted to believe they weren’t true. I was told that she was groomed into doing these things, that she didn’t remember doing them, and that she was likely to commit suicide. She told me she was suicidal on a regular basis during production, especially when the alleged victim was making and then posted a video recounting the allegations. Before that video even came out, she was telling me it was likely to ruin her life irreparably. She had a mutual friend with the victim who was supposedly playing double agent for her, so I heard all about it before and after it came out. I was under the impression that she was in imminent danger of harming herself several times. You can imagine what this might do to a person who cares about her. So, I willfully ignored the allegations for a long time, up until the point that Taxxon showed outward bigotry towards my demographic in a Tumblr meltdown. I deserve criticism for this, and I won’t begrudge anyone who feels like I waited too long or came out with the leaks that I did for selfish reasons. That is your right, and I’m sorry. I decided that all I could do was come out with what I do know and stop supporting this person, even if it costs me opportunities down the line.

Taxxon has also repeatedly shown herself to be extremely unprofessional, even for the standards of an internet drama cycle. She started by vaguely posting about myself on her Tumblr, stating that I am a threat to her, implying that I used her only to “dump her without warning,” and has repeatedly twisted my actions in order to gain sympathy from her Tumblr audience. She even begged her followers for someone else to take her to the Omaha Film Festival, before deleting that addition because she realized it made her look bad.

Her newest gripe with me is that I did not pay her for her work on the film, supposedly finding out partway through the project that she was not being paid. This is untrue. Luka and I were forthright with the fact that we were a team of two college students in Missouri with very little spending money. Thus, we offered her a cut of whatever we ended up making from the film in the festival circuit, planning to split any possible winnings among the three of us based on creative input. We also stated that we would not be taking a cut of any earnings she made off of the sale of the soundtrack, and that it would belong completely to her, just as my characters would to me. If any film companies approached us about the film to license it and the soundtrack, or if they wanted to use her music for another project involving these characters, that money would have gone to her. If she was confused about or had an issue with this arrangement, the time to bring that up would have been when we were discussing the agreement with her, or after any of the many critique sessions we went through with our professors and we were all discussing next steps, or really, any time at all during the year and a half that we were discussing and working on this project. But at no point before, during, or after production did she bring it up. She never suggested a rate, asked about other forms of payment, or anything. I was not holding a gun to her head. She could have brought it up with us at any time, and I am not a mind reader. Her only bringing up the subject now, after all of this time, points clearly to her attempting to extort me or use this issue as a way to gain sympathy from her Tumblr audience. It comes off like she wants to hold this over my head.

All of this not even mentioning that Taxxon was the one to say she wanted to work on the film, years before production started. This started as a collaboration between friends. Luka and I structured our agreement to be a partnership, where none of us were making guaranteed profit off of this project, especially since it is a student work, and we are not established artists with an audience. If anything, the person most likely to make any money off of this arrangement was Taxxon. We considered her an equal participant in this short film, and we wanted it to lift us all up. We gave her full artistic control over what vision she had for the soundtrack, and we often tried to cater our animation to best match it. This is why I found it strange when I asked if she was willing to contribute to festival fees, that she was very flippant with me about it. She stood to gain just as much as us from the film festival circuit, and I had already taken on the workload of doing research on and writing cover letters to each festival. Especially given that I pitched the festival circuit to her as a method to help her get her career offline and away from Kiwifarms, she had a lot to gain from all of this. As someone who had considered her a creative partner, her dismissal felt weird.

This screenshot from the time shows what she said to me regarding the fees, and also shows that she was aware of the arrangement. Thankfully, a lot of this took place on her new Discord account, so I do have the evidence for this portion.

Then, a couple of days later, she asked me if she could stay in my co-directors house or mine for the duration of the Kansas City FilmFest International (or KCFFI). Given she had not contributed to us submitting to that very festival, and had been flippant with me in that same week about the subject, I found it disrespectful. A good friend of mine compared it to “staying at a friend’s house and refusing to help with the grocery tab.”

And the fact that she decided to contribute to the DCP of all things because she “had a vested interest in [the film] sounding good,” as if festival fees were beneath her, but this, now this was something she could be bothered to care about… It was very telling with regards to how she viewed this film.

If she wants to get her 30 bucks back, I can PayPal it back to her.

I stand by everything I said in my testimony on the stream with CrimsonEnder. Honestly, I feel I was much too forgiving on the subject of sexual misconduct, especially since at the time, all of us were trying to gloss over the specific allegations for the victim’s sake, as like I said, they did not want to be involved. As much as Taxxon blustered about “ad-hominems,” I never called her names during the stream. I didn’t even directly call her a transphobe or any kind of bigot. I did not diagnose her with a paraphilia. I specifically stated that her being a trans woman should have nothing to do with why she does the bad things she does. I discussed the things she said and the actions she took. I stated what I remember of our relationship and the events that took place during production, because she had already taken to misrepresenting me in her Tumblr posts. I wanted to lay everything out for full transparency, as she was telling a very specific story about me and who I was. I wanted to present my counter-narrative. I got vulnerable, upset, and fiery at times, but for a public crashout taking place very soon after my falling out of a six year long friendship, I think it gets my points across fine. Especially considering I was still freshly feeling the shock of her outwardly going on a tirade about trans men. The stream is still available on Crim's channel for those who want to hear what I said. Taxxon only presented a couple of my basic notes on the subject that were made to keep me on track.

Taxxon also, notably, sent her followers after CrimsonEnder in a purposeful attempt to incite a harassment campaign against him. She reblogged a reply from him, implying as much, and then he immediately received an anon referring to him with a slur, and saying he was now in “a Panopticon.” Taxxon would later be seen replying in a different but related conversation, misusing the word “Panopticon” in the exact same way (Hint: the term for many people watching one would be a “Synopticon.” A Panopticon refers to one person watching many). You can find Crim's full statement about this incident on his blog.

She also referred to him as a “violent misogynist” who "threatened her in public" in a DM with me where she waved around the fact that she would be justified in “dragging me publicly” for my “betrayal” but wouldn’t, as if it was some big act of charity from her.

Only to, for some reason, make a request to CrimsonEnder (from behind a block) to take my testimony out of his stream and out of his document in a recent post. She is very vested in sowing division between myself and Crim, for what reason I’m not sure. All I know is that she is not above harassing the people who criticize her, and given that, it’s very rich for Taxxon to posture like her not sending her followers after me thus far is an act of goodwill. If I were to guess, now that I have made this statement and cut her off from the project, she will feel much more comfortable going scorched earth. She no longer has a project to protect her connection to.

In Your Orbit will be released at some point in the indefinite future, with a new score and new foley work. I will not be attaching Taxxon’s name to it at all, positively or negatively. I will not be using any of the work that she produced, and I will never work with her in any capacity ever again. I cannot promote the work of a person who acts like this, who hurts others without remorse and uses her power as an influencer to get away with sweeping serious allegations under the rug. Especially given that none of our agreements were set in stone with a signed contract, I have no obligation to continue to associate with her after all she's done. I would be a hypocrite if I used her clout to profit or to expand my career opportunities. Even if it means I have to lose out on networking possibilities, lose the guaranteed audience, and pay out of my pocket to have the film re-scored and have a new foley track added. I am sticking to my principles on this. I refuse to coast on her coattails, and if this means that the film won’t be as successful, then so be it. Any recognition gained through affiliation with Patricia Taxxon is recognition that I don’t want. I don’t want her endorsement, and I don’t want her audience.

I cannot control what Patricia Taxxon says or does. She can do whatever she wants with her life and career, but leave me and my art out of it.

-Jules Hydes

[amymbona]

I think that people who hate on the Challengers main three really forget that no human is perfect, that people are flawed and you can't expect everyone to always make the best decision.

As much as it may offend someone, you can't always be the good guy. People tend to overreact or act irrationally when something crashes with their plans or just causes some issues. I myself am very aware of this and know I am a bitch in certain situations, that I have hurt some people before or done something that may not have been the best decision at the moment. But things happen, have happened and as much as you regret something, you can't really change your decision.

Tashi, who's probably the most hated out of the three (which is really fucking odd, considering that she's literally the main character of the movie), has gone through something really fucking hard. She lost her whole goddamn career, the thing that was her fuel, the main purpose of her life, and she never even made the decision to end it. It simply ended mid way, before she could become the world champion and call herself the best. She was so young and healthy and successful and then lost it all because of one goddamn injury.

It's obvious that at first she blamed Patrick because of their argument before that match. She must have been so fucking stressed not to see her boyfriend at the match, knowing that he's gonna be gone for the next few months. At that moment, she needed to blame someone and Patrick was the right one. Though I agree it was unfair that she was that rude to him in 2019 too, but then again when I think about it, the interaction probably reminded her of the injury once again. But then, when she slept with him, in my eyes it was because he reminded her of the peak of tennis. Because he was better than Art. And the better the tennis is, the more Tashi is tempted to grasp it.

Patrick, poor guy, is seen as this sex obsessed bad boy who only find pleasure in fucking women. And while his movie personality is concerned about those things, he is much more. I believe he really genuinely loved both Tashi and Art and then when they left him found himself totally lost. They were his compass, his safe space, each of them offering something different but something he very much needed. He was hurt by them too, first Tashi after Atlanta 2011 when she just went on living with Art, and then when he hoped she'd fuck him in his car in 2019, but she only did it to save her marriage with Art. (That's also why I believed she truly loved Art. I think she wanted to sleep with Patrick at that time, but she could have done it without asking Patrick to lose.) And then by Art, in the sauna, telling him he doesn't matter. It's obvious that Patrick was seeking revenge against Art, hrnce performing the ball gesture during the final match.

In my opinion, Patrick is the most "innocent" one, having not sinned as much. But he's not flawless either. Using his tinder dates to find a place to sleep, flirting with women to earn what he needs. As I'm writing this, honestly, I can't think of many more bad things that he's done. And that only shows the dishonesty, how we were almost showed that he is the bad guy, only because two successful people have decided that they hate him. What happened wasn't really his fault, but the mutual hate he received from Art and Tashi convinced us as well that he deserved it.

Art is honestly a bit of bitch, too victimized and babied, but then again on the other side, he's the prime example of someone who stands up for himself and then gets hated for it. He got too fed up with his own best friend for constantly casting a shadow over him. Went so fucking far to spread rumors over Patrick, how he's a womanizer and all that stuff, just to eventually play the good guy with Tashi, take care of her and then marry his way into her life. (He went a bit overboard with that, but good fucking job, plotting such a thing.) Poor Art, people say, how Tashi responds that she knows to the fact that he loves her. But once I read somewhere that she responded this way because she was aware that Art can't really verbally display his feelings, and she just wanted to make sure that she knows he loves her. And that's what I believe.

It's obvious that Art fell into depression, the combination of his injury and non fulfilling tennis career. This probably caused him to be almdor indifferent, perhaps rude and bitchy too Tashi, getting fed up with the career he has built for her. Oh, he definitely loved tennis, I'm sure of it, but not as much as Tashi did. And because he loved her, he allowed her to mold him into her good tennis boy. But he was a human with free will too, and didn't really need to ask for Tashi's approval, despite her being his coach. Doing all that back arch, sad expression thing, he was just trying to manipulate her to feel bad for him, probably a form of self defense or response caused by his depression. Again, not a flawless human.

All three of them lost something. Tashi lost tennis, her biggest passion. Patrick lost Art and Tashi, the people be loved. Art lost all the enjoyment of life, becoming miserable. Many things have caused them to behave the way they behaved and showed us that nobody can be fucking perfect, that sometimes people just are bitchy and you really can't find them being all sunshine and rainbows. But we also know that all three of them are tender, capable of love and giggles, we know that they can be nice and kind and loving and that's okay too. People are colourful and full of emotions, each one of them different and made not to be perfect.

[spearslug-box]

Intro post of the

ISOPOD GOD / SPEARMASTER

- Refer to me as box/boxgore mainly, but feel free to refer to me as sait, or spearslug/spear!!

- I don't like saying my age so... have my birthday!; January 30

- I am a furry and apart of the LBGTQ+ community, my fursonas are a isopod, coelacanth, and a 'stop sign'

- fandom's/stuff I like!:

Rain world, monsters of etheria, pressure, regretevator(I dislike like the fandom.), journey, Abzû, Pokémon, cinnamoroll, marumaru, gudetama, miku, undertale, deltarune, splatoon, little big planet, doodle world, Cat Odyssey; fishermeow, gloomy bear, slime rancher(1 and 2), subnautica(all games), object shows, among us, another crabs treasure, dandy's world, team fortress 2, portal, FAITH, baldi's basics, mouthwashing, horrorvale, lobotomy corp, limbus company, minecraft, terraria, roblox, etc

- I like to draw and animate sometimes... Mainly about my OCS, and my AU's sometimes.

- Feel free to ask me anything about anything! Especially the AU and my OCS :)

- Feel free to add my OCS into your OCS lore! Ex: MIR.OS has hurt [your oc] before, I love hearing about these if people/friends do this :)

- and ermm.. Some funfacts are that Ive worked as a designer for some Roblox games (I don't remember which ones..), I have a small cult around one of my ocs, and I'm kind of crazy mwahaha

DNI: racist, transphobic, zoophile, dream fan, homophobic, fatphobic, THOSE regretevator fans, the people who hate zerum in pressure, those weirdos who draw sebastian in a dress/sexually, people who support pansear or use her emotes still, ppl who ship; "lampert x infected, unpleasant x infected, poob x pest, Sebastian x p.ai.nter".

"Proshippers", "comshippers", "darkshippers" can bite the curb of this intro post.

Find my other socials here: https://boxgore.carrd.co/ !!

If you wanna COMMISSION me! I'll take robux, discord nitro, steam & robux giftCARDS, and cashapp. You need to pay upfront for me to begin <3

Notes: offensive jokes r fine about those, I make them just PLEASE make sure people can tell it is one..... And feel free to repost, use as emojis, or use as pfps. My art. Just PLEASE CREDIT ME!!, just by one of my socials plsk....

Hi crazy that I have to add this but, I use brain rot terms because its funny! I only use brainrot terms with mutuals and friends! I'm not saying this to actual strangers. I am brainrotted and say skidibi toilet.

I might say slurs on here! Or reference them! Don't go crazy over that!

And I also don't roleplay 24/7. This is my main blog. I just call myself spearmaster because I like him.

[forfluxsake]

a personal slash solitary blog where i publish my doodles, have hobbies, and do anything typical of the average person

utmv server ad

before i write anything else, i’m promoting my utmv (undertale multiverse) server. JOIN PARTYCHROMA TODAY! FOREVER LINK: https://discord.gg/sATaZ8WZDh

if you aren’t sensitive to bold text, fonts, weird symbols, and eyestrainy gradient rainbow themes, join partychroma. it’s a neverending party for people who’re into undertale or deltarune aus and the like. it’s quiet for the time being, which is why i’m hoping people find this post

we are welcoming of anybody who’s willing to have a good time. the server provides funny roleplay channels, a place to showcase your creations, roles, incredible people, and more. i put effort into it and stuff so that’s great

…a better, less half-hearted advertisement can be found on disboard. hope to see you there!

about me

if you’re wondering who i am, hi

i’m flux.

i am a male and i use he/him/she/her pronouns. that’s all you need to know to respect my existence. if you have any questions direct them to the asks feature i just enabled

what do i like doing? doodling, writing, listening to some funky tunes; learning… i’m not picky about creative activities, but i do tend to procrastinate. my hyperfixations are seasonal and i suffer from being unable to let go of past phases. the list of my interests is infinite. if you care, i enjoy a variety of indie rpgs, object shows, args slash creepypastas, webcomics, and television shows.

cartoon series pique my interest the most.

boundaries

(be my friend)

i’m a minor. this much information is self explanatory as to how you should approach me. obviously don’t interact with me if you are a nsfw age-restricted page, but also don’t attempt to send me weird asks

i don’t talk about politics.

i think being friends with me requires a lot of patience. sure, you may friend me on my discord, o5fo, but understand that i’m terrible at one on one conversation. if you don’t get straight to the point, i will most likely not respond.

preferably keep contact with me through our shared communities or mutual servers and not direct messages.

if i’ve crossed a line, i encourage people to express their discomfort. nothing is gained from radio silence. (it’s not like i’m not anxious as well LOL don’t be shy to contact me [on dis] if it’s important)

what to expect

this blog is sfw, though it’s prone to having violent and dangerous content, mostly because i’ve drawn a fair amount of works with blood or upsetting themes. be wary of who you follow, always, and take steps to protect yourself online. take advantage of the filter tool to block tags that trigger you.

i will occasionally open art requests. but i won’t do too many at a time.

i might touch on some uncomfortable topics while i’m maintaining this nostalgia-seeking blog, especially about past controversies in the communities i was in since i was a child. and depending on the post, i will treat the flaws in said communities seriously or jokingly. please do not take it the wrong way if i redraw those memories.

assume everything i say is light-hearted for the sake of everybody; spare yourself the trouble of thinking i’m trying to invalidate people’s experiences. i never want to come off that way

fanart. expect a handful of art in general. uncolored/whiteboard doodles are abundant. i have ocs- but i’m anything but organized.

that’s a wrap

i wasn’t prepared to end this post

[thismightbemylaststraw]

Getting to know your Mutuals

Tagged by @celemee, thanks for the tag (〃．.)

What's the origin of your blog's title? 

A quote from The Price of Salt that I've reaally been feeling these months.

Favorite Fandoms: 

The Witcher (books & games), Horizon games, Baldur's Gate 3, Hades games

OTP(s) + shipname: 

Not big on shipping or romance, but Elisabet Sobeck x Tilda van deer Meer have been gnawing at me in ways they have no right to.

Favorite color: 

Black, purple, and midnight blue.

Favorite game: 

I'd say RDR2 and Nier Automata. Both made me cry and Nier Automata pulled off a magnificent stunt with using the video game medium in a unique way.

Song stuck in your head: 

Go Tell Aunt Rhody from RE7 of all things?? (never played any games)

Weirdest habit/trait? 

I like to trace my index finger on surfaces or my hip/knee when I'm lost in thought, but I'm actually drawing something :D clinically insane? Maybe.

Hobbies: 

Listening to music, reading, gaming, virtual photography, talking to cats I meet on walks.

If you work, what's your profession? 

◉ ̫◉

If you could have any job you wish what would it be?

Something quiet and with books/writing, cliché as it may sound. Like, a librarian or some mysterious book editor that leaves you cryptic messages on Google Docs.

Something you're good at:

Stealth! I move without any sound unless I wear winter boots. One time at work I accidentally scared a coworker too much (I thought her heart stopped for a moment). Then I brought her candy because to this day I feel so bad about it :'D

Something you're bad at:

I can give you the list by alphabet or relevance :D let's say I'm bad at reigning in my cynicism so it doesn't grow into harsh judgement or downright ruins my experiences.

Something you excel at:

Body language, both reading others' and controlling my own (perks of growing with deafmute grandparents).

Something you love: 

Water and words that tingle my brain. Definitely music, too. And snow. Nothing else comes to mind right now.

Something you could talk about for hours without off the cuff:

I prefer to listen, but with the right people I can talk extensively about a lot of things.

Something you hate:

Callous and snobbish people. There is no place for unjustified rotten actions and conceit.

Something you collect:

Facts about people. A whole archive in my head.

Something you forget:

My physical needs and small tasks that I don't want to do (well, how convenient).

What's your love language? 

The more I care for/love someone, the less I engage with them. Consider it trash taking itself out ^.^

Favorite movie/show: 

Am awful when it comes to watching movies and shows.

Favorite food: 

Hearty soups/stews, mashed potatoes. Also am a certified sugar maniac.

Favorite animal: 

Cats and crows.

Are you musical? 

A couple of people had said I do have a musical ear, but I was prohibited from artistic pursuits, so I don't know if it's a yes or no. I do like to sing a lot when alone, though.

What were you like as a child? 

Quiet and gentle. And, by god, very opiniated. Loved taking naps in the closets (if that wasn't foreshadowing, huh).

Favorite subject at school? 

English, biology, and history.

Least favorite subject? 

Math. In last 3 years it was also art. The teacher and I, oh we had a beautiful hate relationship.

What's your best character trait?

Funny.

What's your worst character trait? 

Conceited as all hell.

If you could change any detail of your day right now what would it be?

I'd be currently in a snowy forest of some Northern country with my identity changed and death faked. But, oh well.

If you could travel in time who would you like to meet?

I can't choose.

Recommend one of your favorite fanfics 

Oh absolutely gonna recommend Graven Image for Tilda x Elisabet shippers. This one is my hyperfixation because it's goooood. Like sugar.

[edsbacktattoo]

hi lets show some love for our mutuals. tag your favorite mutuals and tell them why you love them

oooh bet u thought i forgot about u anon. i didn’t. i’ve been here. scheming and plotting. and i am soooo full of love to give. hold onto your hats

i’m putting the gushing under a cut because this post is getting too long haha whoopsie

@tisziny my darling beloved and dearly cherished friend. one of the first people to reach out to me and i am eternally grateful for their wonderful heart and friendship. my sweetest cheese! 🧀 an incredibly skilled writer and artist who i sincerely admire <3 not enough words to describe my love for them tbh

@skysofrey kaitlin my beautiful and cherished friend and wife. we were cut of the same cloth and then separated at birth but we defied to odds and joined forces anyway! so insightful and kind and sweet and hilarious and overall wonderful (and also sooooo pretty have u guys seen my wife she’s sooooo pretty wtf) 🖤💜❤️

@blackbeardskneebrace miles blackbeardskneebrace the absolute marvel that you are <3 so incredibly nice and extraordinarily talented! every time they post art it adds 100000 years to my lifespan and puts tears in my eyes. genuinely astounding

@blakbonnet despite the angst and antagonising me for Ed’s beard, i will always love Meow with my whole chest. and she can do it all!!! she writes, makes art, makes gifs! she’s even funny and smart and hot and NICE! save some for the rest of us babe come on <3

@gentlebeard ohhhh my sweet wonderful Ella (now with a new and improved url!) so incredibly kind and friendly! always willing for a hot makeout session in the bathroom and will gladly kill someone to defend your honour (i’ve seen her do it). makes edits that make you laugh and then WHABAM!! another that makes you feel like your lungs are being pulled out. love you ella <3

@snake-snack-stede we all know that olivia is the funniest mfer on this whole idiot website. it’s literally not even a contest. but did you guys know she’s also extraordinarily talented? she makes art and animates and makes edits that are gorgeous to look at. also i’m in love with her. she’s the sweetest candy apple at the fair and i’m a snot-nosed kid with an appetite.

@flightoftheconnie sex on legs. i become hot and flustered and feint when i think of her. makes me blush and giggle and kick my feet and she’s funny and smart and hot enough to be in a gallery but she’s here with us instead. give her kisses or die by my sword

@bizarrelittlemew we may not talk often but goodness gracious do i adore you 🥹 my god you’re hilarious and you make some of the most gorgeous gifs ive ever put my gay little eyes on. and yet another blessing to the world of ofmd fanfic <3

@saltpepperbeard JODI!!!!!! if jodi has a billion fans i’m one of them. if she has 100 fans i’m one of them. if Jodi has 0 fans then i’m dead. literally so sweet and kind and enthusiastic and an absolute treasure. and my GOODNESS can she write!! her work feels like a warm hug (just like her!)

@sherlockig literally too hot to be on the hellsite with us but we are so blessed to have her. an absolute TREASURE to this fandom and to anyone who knows her. the amount of lockscreens i’ve got that are just alexz screengrabs is absolutely insane. thank you for all your work i love you forever

@dickfuckk josh — a living breathing legend. any time you need a file? a link? an image? josh has got your back. one of the funniest people i’ve ever interacted with. also makes edits devastating enough to kill a man <3

@xoxoemynn Em my wonderful Cherub From Heaven!!! pure charm and grace, and one of the most enthusiastic and delightful people i’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing. such an accomplished and skilled writer as well!

@vampirebutterflies my #1 date to the observatory and my partner in crime <33 so effortlessly funny and kind and has the best taste in music ever. every single song they’ve sent me has been an absolute banger and has been put in the frequent rotation (huge shoutout to Vacations)

@bunnyandthejets my dear and darling friend Bunny who is so incredibly kind and sweet. has been so vocally supportive and enthusiastic since we met and i’m so grateful to have her friendship and support. she’s also made me cackle like an insane person on enough occasions to be criminal.

@wearfinethingsalltoowell don’t let the angst fool you, Joy is actually wonderful and a ray of sunshine <3 i’m convinced she just enjoys causing us pain for fun. she’s creative and wonderful and the World’s Number One Olu Enjoyer (and therefore objectively correct)

@sassygwaine is one of those unabashedly kind souls who simply oozes love into everything they do and create. so genuine and resilient and smart!!! writes like an absolute dream too

@chocolatepot a complete sweetheart who was one of my first friends in this fandom, and who has been consistently friendly and supportive ever since. unwaveringly kind and nice. also her writing. oh my god. 😭 a huge inspiration to silly little me

@jellybeanium124 nina is so effortlessly hilarious. she’s had me giggling and twirling my hair on numerous occasions. she’s also full to the brim with good and correct takes. (also a Button’s truther and the world needs more of those.)

@awkward-fallen-angel heather is just soooo lovely!! another one of the people that’s been here since the very early days and i’m always so grateful for her insight and enthusiasm and the sheer joy she puts into everything.

@stedebonnets i mean this so sincerely and with my whole heart: Ara is one of the nicest and most loving people I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. an absolute angel who drops in to consistently check on her friends and spread love and joy. we need more Ara’s in the world. also has one of the most beautiful ofmd tattoos i’ve ever seen <3

if you haven’t been included in this list, please know that i love you so so so dearly and that i genuinely am just a little bit stupid (on account of the short term memory issues lol). if you’re feeling left out, send me a message and i’ll say something sooo niceys about you 🥹 i love you all. thank you for being here. <3

[nian-7]

hello, i hope you’re having a great day!! could i request a romantic matchup for pjsk and hypmic?

i go by T, i’m a virgo, and my mbti is INTP-T

i like all kinds of art (visual arts, music, dancing) and i love video games! i mostly play rpgs and rhythm games!

i don’t like people who can never act serious and take responsibility. i also don’t like people who draw to much attention unnecessarily cause i’m pretty shy and get embarrassed easily 😓

i have trouble taking the first step to become friends with anyone, but once i get close to someone i love to spend time with them. i could talk with someone i like for hours.

while i am introverted, i like going out and exploring as long as random people aren’t paying a ton of attention to me. i guess i like to be a bystander.

with the people i’m close to, i always want to be there for them if they need me and i rarely get angry or annoyed.

(i hope this is enough for a matchup! i’ve never really made a request before, but you put so much thought into your work so i thought this would be fun. thank you so much!)

hi, T! i hope you like your matchup!

I match you with...

Nene Kusanagi!

-Nene doesn't draw much attention either and so you both have that going! She's able to act serious and once you get through to her and actually start dating, she'll show a more soft side that's behind her more seriousness.

-Both of you are introverts so it might be hard to even really 'meet' unless it was through a mutual friend like Rui. It was probably a bit awkward at first since it would take the two of you a while to warm up.

-You and Nene could both play some video games together! Maybe a new mmo came out that you're both interested in. Or maybe you both just want to play singleplayer. Either way, she enjoys talking about whatever games it might be.

I match you with...

Ichiro Yamada!

-I was going to match you with Sasara but, the big thing there was I could see way too many situations where he'd draw unnecessary attention thus here we have Ichiro!

-Ichiro can be playful or lighthearted a lot but, part of the reason I matched you with him was because he knows when to be serious but he also knows how to be more playful!

-He'll be like your extroverted boyfriend and introduce you to his friends and brothers while being there in case you get too shy to talk to them.

-Although Ichiro does draw some attention in Ikebukuro, he hopes you don't mind too much and can get used to it so you both are able to go out on dates a lot!

[papermint-airplane]

15 questions for 15 mutuals

I was tagged by @simolemons, @satellite-sims, and @spaceapples98. Omg I feel so lovedddd 🥺🥺🥺🥺 thank you!

Are you named after anyone? Yep! I'm named after Laura Ingalls-Wilder, the writer of the Little House on the Prairie books. My mom was obsessed with the books and the 70s TV show for some ungodly reason. Fun fact, I hate LHotP with every fiber of my being. I'm fine with my name though.

When was the last time you cried? Oh God, it's been a turbulent few weeks. Pick a time, I've probably cried. 🙈

Do you have kids? No. Wait, let me rephrase that. GOD NO!!!!

Do you use sarcasm a lot? I feel like this question is a trap. I want to speak to my lawyer.

What sports do you play/have you played? I am not a sports person. I guess I have dabbled in the sweaty arts for fun every so often when I've lost my mind, but I've never really played on a team or a in a league or understood most sports on a basic level. Is the Sims a sport?

What’s the first thing you notice about other people? Probably their voice and their tone and the way they ask me what I'm doing in their house.

Scary movies or happy endings? It really depends on what is meant by "scary movies" because I don't do gore at all. Like Saw and shit? Absolutely not. Absolutely. not. But I do like suspenseful supernatural horror movies as long as there isn't much gore involved. I think I prefer movies with happy endings given a choice between only these two but I wouldn't say no to a good old fashioned bittersweet ending.

Any special talents? I can whistle really well. I practice a lot when I'm alone. I don't whistle for other people often because, funnily enough, despite your skill level, people find it incredibly annoying. Actually maybe being annoying is my special talent? 🤷‍♀️ Also I can do this thing where I can vibrate my right face cheek (I have to specify for you freaks) and make a sound like a horse. It's only the right face cheek, not the left. I don't know why.

Where were you born? Virginia! We didn't live there long after I was born so I don't really remember it but I've also lived in North Carolina, Georgia, and South Carolina. Southern through and through!

What are your hobbies? Sims, writing, writing for my Sims, Sim-themed writing, procrastinating writing Sims stories, miscellaneous video games, crafts, complaining, jewelry making (I'm not good at it, don't get excited), researching cults, and fashion doll collecting.

Do you have any pets? Sadly, no. It's kind of a struggle taking care of one person on my income but I'm hoping to save enough to where I can get a kitty or two and be reasonably comfortable with vet bills. I really, really, really love cats. I'm an orphaned cat lady at the moment.

How tall are you? 5'2" (roughly 159 cm). Smol, but not too smol, right at shin-kicking height.

Fave subject in school? English. Honestly liking any subject in school was a struggle because I was homeschooled and my mother is The Worst™ but English and Vocabulary and Creative Writing were my jam despite her best efforts.

Dream job? Are we talking realistic dreams or unrealistic-obviously-never-going-to-happen-but-I-like-to-fantasize dreams? If it's the former, I'd like to be an editor. If it's the latter, I'd like to be a professional kitten-cuddler.

Eye colour? Light green, bordering on light blue, but still obviously green if you look close. Kind of sea green, I guess. I've always struggled to describe my eye color and other people do, too. It's weirdly in between green and blue. If I were to remove my glasses and stare at you like 👁👁 you could very clearly see they're green, but otherwise, with my glasses on just looking at me like a normal person, you would be forgiven for thinking they're light blue. I'm not trying to be ✨unique✨ or anything; this is just what happens when your mom has blue eyes and your dad has hazel eyes and genetics just gives the fuck up.

I think most people have done this tag while I'm on semi-hiatus but let's just throw some names out there and see what sticks. 😈 @happy-lemon @monets-pixels @hurricanesims @moyokeansimblr @oasislandingresident @hazely-sims @treason-and-plot @ts3strayastray @miss-may-i @ktarsims @sharssims @amphoraeus @brannewjoint @autonomousllama @nocturnalazure

[paging-possum]

Milwaukees your protocol

I spent so much time this week being like “ohhhh god I haven’t been working on my comic at all this week, where are the pictures” as if I haven’t been plugging away at the script nonstop. Everyday I wake up and I start writing and then I realize what I’m writing is really weak and then I start rewriting BUT the outline is fairly solid and I’m maybe ⅓ of the way through writing. This will get done and it will be interesting (affirmation) (prayer). 

As previously mentioned, I don't have that much art this week because writing, but I did decide that the characters in this one are going to all get fun unique little outfits because I ADORE putting those together! It’s like designing someone’s room, but you get to see it way more often in the story! Lyssa’s room will show up though, nobody worry, you WILL get to see her space at some point. While doing that I did realize that my roommate and I dress like Lyssa and Terry respectively which is humbling on my behalf but at least I’m in control of his outfits. And speaking of my roommate, the reason I don’t have more characters drawn is because I was going to do that last night but we ended up going through all her dating apps so I could have opinions about all the people she’s talking to and it was a BLAST. It also took 3 hours. But that's what my 14 hours on a bus this week are going to be for (lying to myself) (I will fall asleep immediately).

Of course he has blue hair and pronouns. Other projects this week! I'm drawing lots of cities so I'm doing lots of city studies! They’re very fun and VERY useful for some current things I'm working on >:] I’m hoping to do more when I go home for break this week and am no longer stuck on campus, but for now I’m working off photos my sister sends me since she lives somewhere way more visually interesting than I do. 

On the homework front, I made some very cool things this week! I had to make a piece using a rubber duck in ‘an atypical way’ and ended up making a comic I’m really happy with, but it also has a nonzero amount of me bitching about my old friend group being so obsessed with boys so I can’t really post it. But I can post some of it!

WHAT AM I LISTENING TO THIS WEEK:

Riverdale. Yes it’s a show, yes it’s still been such a core part of this week’s creative process that I just have to put it down. I’m finally getting to season 7 and GOD I love Riverdale everyone watch Riverdale so you can finally understand the triumphs and defeats the epic highs and lows of high school football. 

Too Polite to Fight by Autoheart

Friendly Neighborhood Poltergeist by Rory Webley

Archie’s All American from the hit CW drama Riverdale

Also another blatant plug for my friend who introduced me to devlogs in the first place- she does a radio show on Wednesdays that I always listen to (it’s been running for two weeks but it’s just that good) (if friends or mutuals want to know when/where to listen you can message me and ask) Anyways, she posts the playlists on Spotify afterwards, here’s this weeks if anyone wants to hear it and future sets! a

[blood-mocha-latte]

Fandom positivity ask! 1, 3, 12, and 28!

linh truly you are. the number one. forever and always and also for all time <3

~ hbowar positivity asks ~

1 - what is your fav part about being in the fandom?

people are NICE and people are TALENTED. holy shit. it's like being friends with someone that has the skills of picasso and the kindness of our lord and savior jesus christ. which is blasphemous but TRUE

3 - what are some fics that you go back and read again and again?

oh man i am a rereading BITCH i could be here all day. but for top three i would have to gooo

Knit Us Together by @almost-a-class-act - truly the mvp boss of luztoye fics. Thee Perfect Fic it's truly art simple as that. i licherally reread it like. yesterday and am now making my wife read it. sam watch out for that because she's handwriting all her thoughts for me to show you because. oh my GOD everyone go read it

The Last Voyage by @ep6bastogne - VASTLY underrated baberoe fic. the perfect blend of human sunshine babe and tired but Good gene. sad and funny and good and i will admit that i cried. @mutantmanifesto made some GORGEOUS art for this very fic on this very day, because it's That Good

Before the Fall of Rome by @educationalporpoises - quite literally could NOT have asked for a better fucking secret santa. zee slayed. zee knocked it so out of the park that no one is yet to find the ball. it's luztoye and ancient history and reunions and truly what else do you need? 10/10

12 - songs that you associate with certain mutuals?

ohoho, this is where it gets LONG. sorry about that friends. under the cut because i have a lot to say and the time to say it, which is a bad combination

@lamialamia - linh my beloved. my darling. don't kill me but you are never gonna give you up by rick astling. not only are you catchy wonderful and always brightening up my notes, but i both never want to give you up nor let you down

@almost-a-class-act - guiding light by mumford and sons because truly what would the luztoye people do without you. die i think. you are the guiding light. the OG. thee #1

@dcyllom - dance the night by dua lipa because MOLLY whatever can i say other than you are the number one cheerleader of the modern webgott divorced two times au. you light up this world truly. this song fills me with joy and so do you

@whollyjoly - read my mind by the killers. because em you. you read my Mind on many occasion it must be said. same brain at times. how's mash going

@ewipandora - cheap thrills by sia because everytime you reblog literally anything i quite literally go ooOOOOH. you have an awesome beat good words Fascinating person. ewi i am holding your hand

@educationalporpoises - the baby shark song. zee i just see your pfp and i just immediately think of this song. i've never even heard it in it's entirety the lovely lyrics just run through my head whenever i'm lucky enough to see you on the dash <3

i have so many more mutuals that i love and adore but i do not have a mind for songs!! hugs and kisses to all

28 - what's something that lives in your brain rent free and you want everyone to know about the show/the fandom/your works?

portuguese luz. portuguese luz. do i have to say anything else. that is what everyone should know. that is number one. some good fucking food <3

[sofiasfanartcollection]

Sofia - she/her - queer christian (aroace) (was raised protestant, I don’t really belong to a specific denomination, but I love and trust in Jesus as my Lord and Savior)

artist - nature lover - introvert - night owl

original blog is @sofiaspeaksart where I post/reblog all sorts of animals and creatures

second side blog for keeping lists of wildlife I’ve seen: @sofiaslifelists

Hello! Thank you for stopping by <3 My name is Sofia and this is my fandom/personal blog where I post all sorts of things. I post/reblog a lot of fan art etc (especially for Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles!) and also various things to spread awareness, posts I relate to, stuff that makes me happy, stuff I want to think about etc. There are some heavy topics on here so be mindful of that. (I do try to tag everything—please let me know if there’s a tag you’d like me to add to something especially if you need to avoid triggers.)

I’m an artist and here’s my art tag! #sofia’s art

Here’s the tags for other people’s art! #other’s art #other’s writing

And if you’re here for Rise of the TMNT, check out these tags :] #rottmnt #rise of the tmnt

A few fandoms I enjoy: Rise of the TMNT (this is the most current one/one I’m most excited for right now), My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Super Mario, Bionicle, Treasure Planet, Good Omens, parts of Star Wars (mainly the Clone Wars animated series, the Mandalorian, and various creatures), Carmen Sandiego (2019), Wander over Yonder, Steven Universe

I’m very shy irl but feel free to message me on here, especially if you’re a follower or mutual <3<3<3 You could send me pictures of animals or chat about your ocs or ask about my ocs or just say hi. And I love being tagged in ask games etc. (If you are asking for donations, I’m not likely to reply directly, but if your campaign is vetted/verified, I am likely to reblog or add your link to a post.)

Note: I struggle with low energy and do sometimes go a bit inactive, but I’ve been pretty consistent with coming back. Tumblr’s been a lovely place and I have some friends on here that I love dearly.

Commissions are not open yet, but I’ve been really wanting to open them some day. I’ll keep you all posted.

Please be kind and respectful to everyone on here. Bigotry is not welcome.

Hope you have a wonderful day!

This is my sona, River! I designed this mutant version of her to go with the Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles universe, though she is basically my fursona now :] She can show up as a little blog mascot/representation of me too.

Here’s a bunch of art of her and also some art of other ocs of mine:

And I also made a masterpost of my art of rottmnt Hypno-potamus and Warren Stone, because I love them, and Hypno is probably my most drawn character at the moment :]

Links to some people who could use help right now 🍉

More ways to help

[demon-slayer-kaiden]

questions 6-10!

Munday Questions. Send in a number(s) to get to know the mun better!

6. What other fandoms are you in, apart from this one?

Technically I'm fandomless. Kaiden used to be an Inuyasha OC before I rebranded her because I started thinking of her own story and world. But I guess I'm also partially apart of the MHA fandom and the Demon Slayer fandom

7. What drew you to writing your current character(s)?

I think I'm so drawn to Kaiden because I really enjoy her character redesign and just her personality and story I've come up with. She's just a vibe for me a lot of the time. A very chill and easy character to sit down and write when I'm feeling inspired.

8. Have you ever met anyone outside of RP?

Unfortunately no...all of my mutuals are spread out BUT I would love to get the chance to meet them someday! You guys are always so sweet and kind. :)

(I think this is what the question is asking about)

9. How would you describe your aesthetic?

Um, the opposite of minimalist. I am very much a little dragon with my hoard of art supplies, books, dice, pokemon cards, games, trinkets. I like to collect and I like to try and display the stuff I own.

10. What is your favorite fictional character (in or out of the current fandom)?

I'll pick some of my favorites from shows, games and books I've currently read, along with a couple of my all time favorites.

Sango & Kirara (From Inuyasha)

Leafpool (Warrior Cats)

Daenerys Targaryen (A Song of Ice & Fire)

Lucy Maclean (Fallout Show)

Marcille (Dungeon Meshi)

[madsworld15]

I Am Still Right Here Chapter 2 Part 3 (Brian x Justin, QAF, Support Group AU)

I have uploaded all of Chapter 1 on AO3.

You can find Part 1 of Chapter 2 here and Part 2 here.

I know I just uploaded a new part earlier today, but I needed to get this out as soon as possible.

As always, I wouldn't be here today writing for the QAF fandom if it weren't for the support of @winderlylandchime @maryp50 and @lostcol

WARNING: Things aren't so sunshine and roses in this segment, just be aware things WILL GET BETTER.

A Few Days Later

Justin couldn’t believe he was back here. After the events of last week, Justin had figured he wouldn’t have the strength to show his face in support group ever again. And yet, here he was. Brian was also there, feeling better on his anti-nausea medication and having had a whole week and a half of rest.

He and Brian still hadn’t defined what it was they had going on between them, but whatever it was made Justin feel secure in himself for the first time since his bashing. Justin tried to hide his smile as he thought about the multiple times they’d kissed in the last few days. They never talked about it afterward, choosing instead to talk about their mutual recovery. Brian had three more weeks of radiation left, and his doctor was hopeful of the results. Meanwhile, Justin had attended the gala on Saturday without needing his mom or Brian there for support. 

Things were moving forward in a way that Justin never would’ve expected. Especially considering where he had been just last week around this time. 

“Justin, you look like you are feeling much better today.” Jessica pulled him from his thoughts.

Justin looked up and gave her a smile, “I am. I attended a major art gala at my job on Saturday. I didn’t have a panic attack once.”

“That’s great to hear!” Jessica gave him a big smile and brought her hands together as she looked at him fondly.

“Was Brian or your mom there?” Justin turned to the new voice. It was this middle-aged man who’d been in the military. Justin couldn’t remember his name, but he knew the man had been attending since before Justin joined.

“Nope. My mom didn’t know about it because I had forgotten to tell her. The week leading up to this gala was insane. It just slipped my mind. And Brian was tired from his treatment so he couldn’t be there.” Justin gave a smile.

“Last week, you talked about being worried for Brian. How did you deal with that?” Jessica prompted him.

“I found his friend Emmett, like you suggested. That got me in touch with him, and everything got settled.” Justin purposely didn’t tell the whole story because these people didn’t need to know Brian’s private business. 

“I’ve found that coping with the stress of PTSD helps when you have a solid support system behind you. When you joined us, you seemed so alone, and now I feel as though you’ve added multiple people to your list.” The military man commented once more.

“Finding people who can support you and actually stick around for the long term is huge.” Margaret, a young mom recovering from a car accident, piped in. “Some of my friends got tired after a while.”

“Brian and Emmett have been great. Every Thursday after support group, we hang out together. Have a couple of drinks and talk, or don’t, depending on our moods. They never push me to be okay. In fact, whenever I have a panic attack around them, they treat me normal afterward.” Justin contributed.

“What do you mean?” Jessica leaned forward, prompting Justin to open up more.

“I love my mom, but anytime I have an attack around her, she coddles me and insists on taking care of me. But not in the supportive way, the helicopter, stifling way. With Brian and Emmett, I come down from a panic and they return to the conversation we were having before or offer me a drink.”

“Sometimes I want to be hugged and comforted after I panic, but I can see why your friends acting as though it didn’t happen could be helpful too.” Margaret chimed in.

“Being left alone after an attack is sometimes so relieving. It allows me to get my head on straight without feeling like I have to perform.” The military man nodded at Justin in understanding.

“How do we cope with the upheaval a panic attack brings? In what ways do you settle your mind?” Jessica glanced between each member of the group, whether they’d been talking already or just observing.

“For the longest time, I would close my eyes and count each inhale and exhale. I would need complete silence to get my brain back online.” Justin spoke up, surprising himself at how honest he was being.

“That’s a good, healthy way to cope,” Jessica responded.

“I hug my kids,” Margaret said as she bit her lip and wrung her hands.

“I take my dog for a walk,” The military man added.

“Ever since meeting Brian, though, I’ve needed a hand on my shoulder to ground me as I do the inhales and exhales.” Justin continued.

“I listen to my favorite song,” A teen to the left of Justin chimed in.

“Justin, you said that now you need a hand to ground you. Is it really that you need it or that because you trust Brian his hand is something you want to have?” Jessica asked him directly.

Justin shrugged, not sure he knew the correct answer.

“These are all great coping methods. Remember, it’s not a terrible thing to need someone there to guide you. Just don’t make them your only management method. Nor is it wrong to want to do it alone. Just don’t use it as an excuse not to work toward positive growth. We all have different ways of coping. Just as long as you recognize what you need and actually use it to manage your anxiety.” Jessica brought their attention back to her and brought the meeting to a conclusion.

“I’m so proud of the progress each of you are making. Please remember, your journey is your own don’t measure it against someone else. See you next week.”

Justin helped Margaret put the chairs back against the walls. She chattered with him about her daughters, who were 5 and 3. Justin found himself smiling in spite of himself. They were just finishing up when Brian showed up. He hung back from the people still milling around, but Justin appreciated him being there nonetheless.

Margaret looked toward Brian as Justin paused to stare and exchange silent words of comfort. She smiled at him and gently nudged him with her shoulder.

“He’s cute.” She quirked her eyebrow and smiled. “Let me guess, that’s Brian.”

Justin ducked his head, blushing, “Yeah.”

“I wasn’t sure what you guys were to each other based on what you’ve shared, but something tells me he’s someone special.” Margaret grabbed the last chair from him, leaned it against the rest, and dragged him over to where Brian stood.

“Hi! I’m Margaret.” Margaret shamelessly put her hand out to Brian as Justin dropped his head into his hand in embarrassment. “I feel like I know you.”

“Unless you have a dick, I doubt it.” Brian quipped before he shook her hand. “Brian Kinney.” 

Margaret laughed, “Oh god. Not like that. I mean, Justin talks about you.”

“Why Justin? Do you share about me during circle time?” Brian’s face lit up with mirth as he flung his arm around Justin’s shoulder, pulling the blond against his body.

Justin rolled his eyes. “I know you don’t believe in the merits of group therapy, but I kind of like it. It’s nice to unload sometimes.”

Brian leaned forward and whispered into Justin’s ear, “I have something we could unload together. At my loft.”

Justin rolled his eyes but wrapped his arms around the brunette regardless. “Margaret, I will see you next week. Thanks for sharing with us this week. You are making great progress.”

“You too, Justin.” She reached out and squeezed his arm. And then she looked at Brian, who’s head was still buried in Justin’s neck, and winked. Justin shook his head in amusement.

Once Margaret was gone, Justin turned his full attention to Brian. The man was clingier than usual, which was Justin’s first sign that something was amiss.

“Hey, you okay?” Justin nudged Brian out of his neck.

Brian pulled out of Justin’s embrace completely and looked at the floor. He looked despondent, as if a sudden switch had been flipped from only a couple of minutes ago.

“I had my treatment today,” Brian mumbled, pulling at Justin’s hand to interlock their fingers.

“Okay.” Justin was terrified of what that might mean, but he didn’t want to put it into words before Brian did.

“My doctor said the scan that I had taken last week at my halfway mark, they found another tumor. This time in my lung.” Brian finally looked up, and the brokenness Justin saw there broke his heart.

“Is that bad?” Justin knew the answer, but he didn’t want to believe it.

“It’s spreading, Justin. Of course, that’s bad. Jesus.” Brian stalked off, away from Justin. 

Justin jogged to keep up with him. He reached out and grabbed Brian’s shoulder to stop him from continuing. 

“Would you stop!” Justin exclaimed, “I know it’s bad. I just wanted to give you the chance to say so without making assumptions.”

Brian didn’t respond, but he also stayed where he was. The fact that he wasn’t trying to leave gave Justin hope that they’d be okay. He wanted to desperately wrap Brian up in the biggest hug of his life.

“What does this mean?” Justin reached up and cupped Brian’s cheek, wiping away the tears that were now silently falling down his face.

“My doctor wants to double up on the number of treatments I’m getting.” Brian’s voice was barely audible. Then he gazed into Justin’s eyes and said something the blond was certain he’d never say to anyone else, “I’m scared I’m going to die.”

Justin didn’t respond. Instead, he pulled Brian against his chest and held on for dear life. They both stood there for a few minutes, deriving comfort from each other’s touch.

“We’re going to fight this.” Justin whispered into Brian’s ear, “You’re going to be fine.”

Brian nodded against Justin’s shoulder and nuzzled further into his neck. Justin placed a kiss to the top of Brian’s head. He tried his best to hold back his tears, not wanting Brian to know that he, too, was terrified. But, some of them landed in brunette hair just the same.

After a few minutes, Brian stood back, wiped his eyes, coughed, and straightened up.

“Fuck. I could use a drink. Let’s go see Emmett.” 

Justin knew Brian was done talking about his cancer for the time being. There was time enough on the horizon for them to figure out where they were going. But, for now, the time was perfect for friendship and alcohol to drown out the bad feelings. Justin was getting better, but Brian wasn’t. He definitely didn’t want to dwell on thoughts that this person who had already changed his whole brain chemistry might be gone someday soon.

“So, why do you work at the Bloom Gallery?” Brian broke the silence as they drove to Milk & Honey.

“Like existentially or from a simple employment sense?” Justin laughed to hide that his brain was still stuck on what Brian had told him.

“Whatever one is more interesting.” Brian quipped, and Justin glanced over to find his eyes full of mischief once more.

“Well, in the grand scheme, I want to be an artist. So, I figure if I work for a gallery, eventually, it’ll get me the contacts I will need after I graduate. From an employment standpoint, they are flexible with my class schedule.” Justin shrugged.

“That makes sense.” Brian mused. “Do you like Lindsay? I know things were weird with her on Saturday, but usually, she’s chill.”

“She’s okay.” Justin shrugged. “She lets me paint in the back on slow days, which I appreciate. Even when my hand isn’t being cooperative for very long.”

Brian nodded and then went silent. 

“How long have you known her? Must be a while if you guys have a 4-year-old kid together.” Justin pushed the conversation as they pulled up to Emmett’s building.

“Lindsay and I met during college. It’s complicated, but basically, we had sex once because I was high and she was around.” Brian turned off the Jeep but didn’t move.

“Then, five years ago, when she and Melanie came to me asking for my sperm, I agreed.” Justin watched as Brian sucked in a breath, a storm brewing in his eyes. 

“Fuck! I swore to Gus that I’d always be there for him. That he could count on his old man.” Brian leaned his head on the steering wheel.

Justin reached over and massaged his neck. “You will be. Gus is going to grow up knowing his dad. You’re going to beat this.”

Justin looked toward the building, “Does Emmett know yet?”

Brian mumbled something that Justin couldn’t understand. Then he lifted his head and gazed at Justin with a softness rarely seen from Brian Kinney.

“He knows that I got bad news. Not the details.” 

“Okay. Well, let's go get a drink then.” Justin moved his hand from Brian’s neck to the back of his head and leaned across the console for a kiss.

They both got out of the vehicle and strode up to Emmett’s. At this point, Emmett just left the door unlocked for them to come in without needing him. Justin led the way, with Brian close behind him, holding Justin’s hand for dear life.

“Hey,” Justin called out as they approached the area of the space that held the bar. Emmett came out from the back and met them with a quick hug for Justin and a longer one for Brian.

“Let’s drink!” Emmett smiled and clapped his hands. “Lindsay mentioned that the gala raised beyond their goal for the GLC. That’s amazing.”

Justin nodded as he and Brian sat next to each other on two stools. “The goal was $25,000, and we earned $35,000. Someone made an anonymous donation of three grand without buying any of the art.” 

Justin noticed Emmett give Brian a serruptitious look but didn’t comment on it. He would let them have their moment. If it were meant to include him, they would do so. 

“So, Brian…” Emmett started and then stalled out. Justin could tell he was trying to keep the conversation away from Brian’s cancer, but it was really hard to do so right now. 

Brian rolled his eyes, “Go ahead. I know you want to ask.”

Emmett reached out to grab Brian’s other hand, which was holding his tumbler of whiskey.

“What exactly did your doctor say?” 

“He told me that my cancer had spread from just my testicle and attached lymph nodes to my lung. I’m still a low risk, but now I’m stage 3.” Brian downed the rest of his drink.

Justin didn’t say anything. He just squeezed Brian’s hand with his own and provided the man with silent support. After all, Justin had no idea what to say to Brian when his cancer seemed no big deal at all. Now, it had gotten worse, and Justin was at an even bigger loss.

“Fuck.” Emmett cursed. It was one of the few times Justin had heard such words from the man. “Well, as my Aunt Lula would say, there’s no better time to eat pudding and honey.”

Justin looked up at Emmett incredulously, “What?!”

“Emmett’s Aunt Lula makes regular guest appearances as the purveyor of all things wise,” Brian explained with a chuckle. “Though, I’m not sure I would agree with her this time.”

“Oh, hush. Any time I was sad, which, believe me, was often, my Aunt Lula would whip me up a batch of vanilla pudding and mix in her homemade honey. It always made me feel better.” Emmett waved his hand around as he walked over to the refrigerator to the left of the bar. “I made you a batch to take home, Bri.”

Brian took the extended sweet and placed it down on the counter with a strangled look. “Thanks, Em.”

“Now, have you told Deb or Michael?” Emmett fixed Brian with a serious look.

Brian shook his head. “I can’t handle their dramatics right now.”

Justin watched as Emmett poured Brian another shot of whiskey. Then the man walked around to Brian and wrapped him in a hug once more. Justin couldn’t hear what Emmett was whispering, but whatever it was caused Brian to let go of Justin’s hand and wrap both his arms around Emmett as well.

“I’ll tell them at dinner on Sunday.” Brian finally said out loud, to which Emmett nodded in understanding.

“What’s dinner on Sunday?” Justin asked, wanting to be part of the conversation again.

“It’s a thing our family does every week. Wanna come with me?” Brian responded, turning his body so that he faced Justin.

“I wouldn’t want to impose.”

“Oh, please. Debbie loves having as many people as she can in her house for dinner,” Emmett exclaimed.

“Besides, Gus will be there. I know how much you like him.” Brian smirked, harkening back to the quiet acceptance the two had developed for each other during coffee the other day.

“He is a pretty cool kid,” Justin laughed. “Alright. I’ll go.”

“Great! That’s settled then.” Emmett smiled and tried to pour Justin another shot, but he refused. 

The friend group fell into a conversation about what music genre was the best and which artist from that genre reigned supreme. By the time Justin and Brian were ready to go, Emmett had tried to convince them that 80s disco divas were the best of the best.

An hour after arriving at Milk & Honey, Brian and Justin were headed back to Brian’s loft. It hadn’t been discussed, but Justin knew Brian didn’t want to be alone tonight. As they drove, Justin slipped his hand into Brian’s and held it tightly.

“I am still right here. And I’m not leaving.” Justin whispered.

[clunelover]

Agh I had a bad phone call with my dad. So background is - my sister from NC was here for thanksgiving with her GF. She got in Thursday morning and left early Sunday morning. We had thanksgiving of course, and then Friday I had been planning to go out on the town with her and my other sister and their SOs. But everyone got too drunk on thanksgiving and we were tired and mutually agreed not to go out. But I did still see her Friday, just more low key dinner and arts and crafts at my stepmom’s house. Then Saturday I was supposed to go to a comedy show with her and her gf - but that was the day I just kept feeling shittier and shittier, and then tested myself for covid, and sure enough positive.

A few days ago he said he’d like to go to coffee with me, his treat (🚨🚨🚨). I said I was still recovering from covid and wouldn’t be up to it. He said let’s talk on the phone. My assumption was that I was in for some kind of lecture, and of course I was! It basically went like:

Dad: “I wanted to reach out to you, cause I’m disappointed that you didn’t get a chance to connect with [sister] while she was here. And [sister] and [stepmom] both told me that you’ve been suffering from a lot of anxiety. And you know, when I was your age, I was scared of the world—”

At which point I just started saying “Stop. Stop. This is not helping. Do you understand that the reason I didn’t see her on her last night is because I had covid? Which I am still recovering from?”

And he said “oh, Meredith…I know” but in this patronizing tone like he thought I was making it up.

I said “Does that not count?”

And he said “well, one doesn’t rule out the other” (ie having covid doesn’t mean I’m not ruled by anxiety).

So then I said “Yes, I do have anxiety. But I have a therapist and a psychiatrist. I have supports in place. I don’t need you to tell me how to deal with my anxiety.”

And he said “All I said was that I wanted to reach out to you. So, I’m sorry I did.” And then he quickly got off the phone.

—

I was furious and so sad - but also proud of myself for stopping him before I could hear the lecture. Also by the way, he is always so hurt that I don’t want to see him much or talk to him on the phone - ahem, this is why! I cannot trust that he’s not going to do something like this. Or be high (actually, credit where credit is due, I landed into him once for calling me high on weed and he never did again that I know of - but the point is I just still can’t trust him).

—

So I texted him this:

Dad, I’m sorry I got reactive. I do suffer from anxiety, among other things. And I appreciate your concern. I know you want me to be happy and healthy. But I don’t think you understand that when you start off with “you know, when I was your age, I was scared of the world” - it really seems like you were gearing up to give me a big lecture about all the things you’ve learned, that you can teach me. I would love to be supported by you, as a dad - but you often come at it from a perspective that’s more professorial, like you’re an expert on all things mental health and recovery and you’re going to lecture me into being better.

But, from my perspective - I am a very successful person, with a great family, who has excelled in my hobby of writing and been achieving more in that area lately, and who also suffers from several mental illnesses. This is my struggle, and it will be a lifelong one with ups and downs. And I do think I’ve done a pretty good job of putting the supports in place in my life to deal with this! I am not scared of the world. I also want to gently say that one thing I’ve worked on in therapy, is this pervasive feeling that someone is always mad at me. And that is a feeling I got from childhood - from mom, but also from you. Just now you reinforced this idea, that you are observing my behavior and disapproving and gearing up to lecture or yell at me. This is how I felt growing up, so admittedly it’s a trigger.

I could use your support in the form of, I don’t know, just being there for me - listening if I want to talk, but otherwise trusting that I don’t want to get most of my mental health support from my parents. And not lecturing me. Even if it’s coming from a really well intentioned place, I don’t think it’s ever going to land with me. Does that make sense?

—

He just replied with a few brief words of apology, but the more I think of it, the angrier I am.

I’m like, okay I’m sitting here with a masters degree, a great career, a really nice house, a loving husband, a couple of smart, sweet, and fairly well raised kids, a few close friends and a couple passions and hobbies - but he makes me feel like I’m not living right somehow. I have struggles, big ones, but I must be doing something right!

I think part of it must be jealousy - like, he’s a thrice-divorced, recovering alcoholic and drug addict with PTSD, who has a PhD and was a professor and expert witness, but has been unemployed due to physical disability but also those other issues, for quite some time, and now lives in a studio apartment and drives Uber. I’m sure it’s hard for him to see me having some similar mental health issues but be more stable and successful. When I moved into this much larger house I think all he said was “won’t it be hard for you to keep this place clean?” But it sucks that he doesn’t process that, and instead gives in to this urge to feel better by taking me down a peg. And that it still works on me! He makes me feel like I’m a bad kid who did something wrong!