#Also makes you question why I run ads to begin with. The vast vast majority was gifted subs made in the last week ;^^

[yvesdot]

Well, I've had my Twitch channel for nearly 5 years (my first stream was in December 2020, and my first regular stream was in November 2021), but today I was notified of my first payout! $74.33. Twitch certainly is a platform

[blackjack-15]

Dead Weight — Thoughts on: Tomb of the Lost Queen (TMB)

Previous Metas: SCK/SCK2, STFD, MHM, TRT, FIN, SSH, DOG, CAR, DDI, SHA, CUR, CLK, TRN, DAN, CRE, ICE, CRY, VEN, HAU, RAN, WAC, TOT, SAW, CAP, ASH

Hello and welcome to a Nancy Drew meta series! 30 metas, 30 Nancy Drew Games that I’m comfortable with doing meta about. Hot takes, cold takes, and just Takes will abound, but one thing’s for sure: they’ll all be longer than I mean them to be.

Each meta will have different distinct sections: an Introduction, an exploration of the Title, an explanation of the Mystery, a run-through of the Suspects. Then, I’ll tackle some of my favorite and least favorite things about the game, and finish it off with ideas on how to improve it.  For this meta and the next (DED), there will be a section entitled The Theme between The Mystery and The Suspects.

If any game requires an extra section or two, they’ll be listed in the paragraph above, along with my list of previous metas.

These metas are not spoiler free, though I’ll list any games/media that they might spoil here: TMB, DED, massive spoilers for SPY; quick spoilers for the Nancy Drew/Hardy Boys Supermystery Secrets of the Nile.

The Intro:

Here we are already (finally?) at TMB! This one’s gonna be a bit different, lads.

The next two metas in this series — this one for TMB and the next for DED are gonna be a little bit of a two-part sort of endeavor, mostly because the two games are thematically juxtaposed against each other. They should be uploaded within a week of each other (fingers crossed!) to make the comparison a little easier between the two games (and two metas), so if you haven’t played one or the other, you might want to do that before jumping in.

Obligatory heads-up out of the way, let’s get our mummy on.

TMB is a game that, if you were a kid like me obsessed with ancient Egypt (and an adult like me obsessed with ancient Egypt), was one of the most hotly anticipated Nancy Drew titles to hit store shelves. Fortunately, unlike a lot of the “anticipated” games in the series, this one actually delivers – and delivers in spades.

Heh. Spades. Archaeology. You get it. Moving on!

TMB is an interesting game that plays double duty with its literary significance; in other words, it’s one of the few games to have both a definite theme and a definite mission statement, and to have the two be entirely separate from each other. We’ll discuss the theme below, so this introduction is mostly going to be talking about the game’s mission statement — in other words, the main topic of the game, versus the theme it revolves around.

If it sounds like I’m splitting analytic hairs there, it’s because I am. But hey, ‘splitting analytic hairs’ could be the mission statement of this meta series.

Both this game and the title of the meta are about the dead — and more specifically, the weight that the dead have on the events of the game and people in the game themselves. Abdullah (archaeologist and artifact smuggler), Nancy (death of her mother; interest in ancient civilizations), and Jamila (mother; her lineage) are the big, obvious ones who are living under the weight of the dead, but they’re not the only ones.

Lily’s future is “dead” in a number of ways: her academic dishonesty, her position as an archaeology student, and her interest in dinosaurs. Jon’s position as the head of the dig isn’t his only tie to the dead — he also spends most of the game in a hospital after a brush with death itself. Dylan even gets in on it with his false IDs; not only could those be referred to as “dead” identities — they were never alive to begin with — but someone with that many identities could easily have their original said to be dead, buried under the weight of compounding lies.

The weight of the dead extends beyond even our characters and their backstory and motivations, however. The game takes place in what can easily be called a “dead zone”. Nancy’s odd ability to have perfect cell service aside, the camp for the vast majority of the game is in a secret place where neither people nor supplies can get to them, and they even run out of water, which will kill you quicker than anything in the desert.

The most concrete representation of the weight of the dead in TMB is the curse. Thought to be lethal for a lifetime after entering an ancient tomb, curses are little more than superstitions backed up by ‘mysterious’ deaths (usually due to ingesting bacteria within the tomb), but the curse in the first chamber that Nancy opens does press down on the game, with accidents and unfortunate or suspicious things happening one after another after the seal is broken.

Of course, it’s not the unquiet spirit of a dead queen causing the mischief and mayhem, but she is the reason that our cast is gathered in Egypt, and Nefertari’s presence — or lack thereof, due to the erasure of her by history and by those who followed after her — is, in effect, the curse itself. If it wasn’t for her presence, the mystery surrounding her, and the disappeared team of archaeologists decades prior, no one would be at the tomb in the modern day.

But she is there, like a magnet for those with ulterior motives, and she’s there to pull our cast tighter and tighter into her own personal land of the dead. “She’ll never let you leave”, indeed.

The last thing I want to touch on is the Nancy Drew/Hardy Boys Supermystery that very, very loosely forms the basis of this game: Secrets of the Nile. A well-known Supermystery for the fake marriage plot (the Hardy Boys and Nancy and Bess) and for the Frank/Nancy kiss on the balcony before they are like “oh yeah we’re dating different people huh”. The game doesn’t take much from the book other than the location and a financial motive for crime, but it’s interesting that they chose this book when very little was kept at all.

Now, let’s take a closer look at the pieces that make up this game, shall we?

The Title:

Tomb of the Lost Queen is a classic-feeling title for a Nancy Drew mystery, and accomplishes a few obvious things right off the bat. It first establishes that this is a game about the dead — as said above — and the presence that the dead have in the world of the living. Second, it gives us our location — “Tomb of the Lost Queen” immediately brings Egypt and its many royal tombs to mind — and the focus of the mystery that we’ll be solving.

And if that were all the title could mean, I’d say it’s a solid title ��� better than Secrets of the Nile, by any metric — but the title’s work isn’t quite done with that.

The last question that the title asks is who is the Lost Queen? We learn about Nefertari fairly quickly in the game and her history definitely qualifies her as a lost queen, but, in my opinion, there’s another candidate that the game title references: Jamila’s mother.

She was a woman of a royal bloodline, disappearing under mysterious circumstances, leaving behind only a trace that her presence ever existed in a tomb buried in the sand — if ever there was a story that would qualify you as a lost queen, it would be hers.

The Mystery:

Job shadowing archaeologist Jon Boyle (and once again showing off her interest in archaeology and ancient civilizations), Nancy is just settling in to the Kingston University dig site when a massive sandstorm hits camp — and someone attacks Jon, sending him to the hospital, whipping up talk of a curse that ended this expedition 60 years earlier, and scaring off much of the excavation crew.

Left behind when the dust finally settles are archaeologist Abdullah Bakhoum, PhD student Lily Crewe, and Nancy herself — and none of our three characters are interested in leaving, despite the shadow of a curse hanging over their work, and the ever-present feeling that the desert does not want them there.

They aren’t alone for too long, however; after Nancy discovers a secret room and hidden sarcophagus, the friendly yet secretive tour guide Dylan Carter and the alien aficionado Jamila El-Dine both show up (despite the dig being a closed and secret location), and it becomes clear that, whatever their own personal agendas might be, no one is at this location for scientific discovery.

The hunt is on to find out why everyone has congregated at this site, who hurt Jon and is causing incidents all over camp, and — most importantly — what exactly the tomb of the lost queen is truly hiding…

As a mystery, TMB holds plenty of turns and side plots worthy of a much longer game than it is, and as a result feels quite packed with story. Not only do you have the story of Ramses II and his Queen, but you have the story of Jamila and the Daughters of Nefertari, the black market scheme, Dylan’s past, and the storyline revolving around who hurt Jon.

Add to all of that Hotchkiss and Bess’ asides that give new meaning and perspective to the events in the mystery, and you have a solid, character-driven mystery that drives its suspense not from being a whodunnit — that’s not really a question through the whole game, as we know from the beginning that Abdullah is up to some shady crap — but from putting characters in a stressful situation and seeing what they’ll do.

The Theme:

TMB is interesting for many, many reasons — most of which will be detailed in this meta — but I think the most interesting thing about it is its theme. At its core, TMB is a game about fear — fear of death, fear of failure, fear of obscurity, fear of abandonment, fear of ignorance — and how this fear preys on people, but also how fear is a pathway to knowledge. As is nearly always the case with Nancy Drew games, it’s our villain who gives us the theme:

“For thousands of years, the lion spoke and no one understood. But understand the fear and you understand the man.���

This sentiment is added to a little further on in the game:

“When people feel like they can get away with anything, they change.”

In other words, it’s fear that defines who people are and what they do. Understand that fear, and you’ll understand the person. Remove that fear, and a person necessarily changes, because they’re not defined by that fear anymore.

This theme plays out through our main characters. Dylan’s fear is a fear of discovery — of being discovered by Nancy that he’s there to try to join the black market. When that fear is removed — or rather, superseded — by the fear of death after being a human paddle in a boulder pinball game, he’s able to be understood for who he really is — a bit of a con man, but not there to hurt or kill anyone.

Lily’s fear at first seems to be of the curse, but the curse really is just a stand-in for her true fear: the fear of repercussions for her actions. Once the fear is understood, it’s easy to see that she’s helping Abdullah in his black-market scheme by trying to injure — sometimes fatally — those who would stand in their way.

Jamila is a character tightly wrapped up — in every way — which illustrates her fear of exposure. When that fear is understood, it’s obvious that she’s hiding things about herself, which leads us to the Daughters of Nefertari plotline, and the discovery of just how bloody the tomb’s — and the queen’s — history is.

Last of the suspects is Abdullah, who fears a lack of notoriety — obscurity, basically — which parallels him to Nefertari nicely, who became obscure due to the actions of others and the passage of time. Once that fear is understood, it’s easy to understand who Abdullah is and why he does what he does — fakes finding artifacts, sells things on the black market, and constantly puffs himself up in conversation.

Because this game is centered around fear, let’s look quickly at how that fear affects Nancy. Sure, the fear of others causes them to try to damage her in one way or another, but Nancy tends to be somewhat fearless in her mystery solving. Her talk with Bess — more on that below — does expose one fear: ignorance.

When you’re in a situation where knowledge keeps you alive, which Nancy often is, it’s easy to say that fear of ignorance is simply the fear of bad things happening to you. But Nancy’s is a bit deeper than that; she defines herself as a curious person, and gets frustrated when things are purposely hidden from her. Nancy fears not knowing things, pure and simple, and it’s due to that fear that she puts herself in danger again and again to ferret out the truth.

The Suspects:

Our first suspect is the venerable and totally guilty Abdullah Bakhoum himself, preeminent archaeologist, egotist, and black market crook. A sort of dark shadow of Alejandro in SSH, Abdullah doesn’t think much about the taking of Egypt’s treasures to different countries’ museums, and is determined that if anyone is going to make money off of history, it’s going to be him.

As our preeminent Bad Guy, Abdullah is the rather obvious choice — which would be a problem if this mystery was concerned with hiding his presence in it, rather than building off of it. As it is, however, his presence strengthens the mystery, allowing for not only a focus for Nancy’s suspicions, but also a source of tension in the tomb, making it feel dangerous even when Nancy is simply exploring.

Of note is Abdullah’s decision when arrested at the end of the game to take the blame for everything that happened, eschewing Lily’s involvement completely. I’m of the opinion that it had to be Lily that attacked Jon — she was already above ground, he wouldn’t have been on his guard being around her, there were plenty of heavy things in the tent to hit him with — but Abdullah doesn’t try to reduce his sentence by offering information or implicating her in anything.

It’s a wonderful character moment that shows us what these later games really are capable of — villains with complex and consistent characterization. Abdullah is an egotist, a narcissist, and a smuggler, yes, but he has his own personal code of conduct, and ends the game not on the note of having tried to kill everyone, but on a singular note of mercy to a fellow student of history.

Next on the docket is Lily Crewe. Originally a paleontology student, she switched majors and ended up on the site by Abdullah’s request — a strange happenstance, considering the strong allegations of cheating on her record. Of course, that record is exactly the reason that Abdullah asked for her to be on the dig, as he needed help smuggling artifacts off-site.

As one half (possibly one third, depending on how culpable you think she truly is) of our Bad Guy Team, Lily is at once more sympathetic and less laudable than Abdullah. Having cheated — and been caught — she obviously was Abdullah’s best bet for a partner that wouldn’t betray him, as he was her chance at shoring up her rocky academic record.

However, a person of stronger moral fiber — or who appreciated her second chance — would have exposed Abdullah as soon as she had evidence in order to show her commitment going forward to honesty, so one can’t be too sympathetic. It’s worth noting that after Abdullah’s arrest (and sacrifice on her behalf), Lily goes back into paleontology. One can only hope dinosaurs have fewer opportunities for graft, and that she’s learned something from the tomb.

The next to show up is Dylan Carter, a man of many names (though only one handsome face) who moonlights as a tour guide. He also would really, really like to be part of Abdullah’s smuggling operation, but other than that, he’s really here for a good time.

And to be crushed by rocks.

As a culprit, Dylan would have been a little bit of a cheat, seeing as he wasn’t there from the beginning — though a reveal of him being the culprit would have necessitated showing that Dylan had been there the whole time, hiding in plain sight as part of the dig crew or something. While that would have been a cool reveal, it ultimately wouldn’t have accomplished the thematic goals of the game, and so is better left undone.

Last on our list of suspects is Jamila El-Dine, visiting the tomb under the guise of being a bat-crap-crazy Follower of the Annunaki — the alien race that supposedly built the pyramids, among other things — but who is actually a member of a secret society called the Daughters of Nefertari, dedicated to finding Nefertari (as they are her direct descendants); each daughter must search for her until she is found.

I will point out, reservedly, that Jamila definitely should not have been searching until she had a daughter of her own, in case she died the way her mother did, but I digress. It does point to Jamila being more of a firebrand (and more doggedly determined to end the search) than those before her, so kudos for that.

Like Dylan, Jamila as the culprit would have been a cheat, given her entrance into the game a good portion of the way through the mystery, but it also would have defeated the purpose of having Jamila in the story, which is to be a foil to Nancy.

Jamila is bound by the fate of her mother (and her mother’s mother, and on and on), who died under mysterious circumstances thought to be a car accident, but later revealed to be due to her performing dangerous work. Jamila thus journeys out to the world to find out exactly what happened and is tasked with doing what her mother had been doing at the time of her death, feeling the responsibility to prevent further deaths by completing her mother’s work. In order to do this, she pretends to be someone she’s not, uses those around her, and ultimately has to trust in a shady man with facial hair and a girl who frequently goes undercover for her job, fighting against a skinny man involved in a larger scheme with a heightened sense of his own importance.

Oops, should I have warned for SPY spoilers there?

Yeah, Jamila is basically playing out a future of Nancy’s (and one that happens, albeit with important differences, in SPY), and foils her in her sense of responsibility and curiosity about what happened to her mother, and in finishing the job she set out to do. While Nancy doesn’t immediately understand this, Bess does, and calls her out on it:

“That’s sort of like you…after your mom…I mean, I always thought it was your mom — the way she died — that made you so interested in mysteries.”

Nancy responds with “I guess I never thought of it that way,” and it’s clear the idea has knocked her off balance, because, importantly, Jamila exposes a characteristic of that becomes important in this and the next game: she’s not what we’d call self-aware.

And that leads into us talking about Nancy Drew as a character in this game. Pursuing one of her interests by job shadowing a professional, Nancy is thrown into a world that she’s far more comfortable in — that of solving mysteries without direct supervision — when Jon is attacked and sent to the hospital. From there, she goes on a rapid pace to figure out who the other people at the dig really are, and in so doing discovers a bit about herself.

Like a Lifetime movie, except without the Big Misunderstanding and the secret lost will of a dead parent.

Like I stated above, what this game really does to show us who Nancy is (besides showing us her reaction to someone exactly like her) is to show us her lack of self-awareness. Nancy spends so much time trying to figure out the motives and secrets of others that she doesn’t really spend any time soul-searching or figuring out how she, in particular, reacts to the world around her

Well, prior to the beginning of the Nancy games, she doesn’t. But she’s in for a whole lot more of that in the next few games as we unwrap (heh) more of her foils. As it is, Nancy herself tells us who she thinks she is in this game:

“I’m a curious person. I find that tact often gets in the way of truly getting to know someone.”

Joining us on the “Nancy Side” of characters are one new character and two familiar faces.

Jon Boyle is the leader of Kingston University’s dig site, and definitely the person that you want to get out of the way if you’re up to shenanigans. He’s basically in the game to give some dirt on Lily and Abdullah, and to save the day at the very end by (as is his job) taking care of those he’s in charge of.

Just, you know, more physically than academically.

While she was a playable, seen character in the last game, it’s here in TMB that Bess Marvin gets a little more characterization and becomes more fully fleshed out. As Nancy’s lifeline to River Heights and normalcy, Bess is here to watch pulpy Egyptian horror movies and to drop some stone-cold truths onto Nancy.

Bess is wonderful in this game, full stop. Not only does she expose a few of Nancy’s character traits to the clueless girl detective – the whole mom thing, Nancy’s tendency to keep everyone in the dark but to get frustrated when she’s kept in the dark herself — but she also helps to show the difference between what the River Heights crew finds fulfilling — relaxing, internships, etc. — and what Nancy finds fulfilling — dangerous tombs hiding mysteries in the desert.

Last of all is Professor Beatrice Hotchkiss, academic extraordinaire and expert on lost and maligned queens — and heaven knows, Nefertari fits both qualifications. Hotchkiss is here for more reason than just to light up my life, however; she’s here to help Nancy understand the traps within the tomb and figure out exactly what — and who — she’s dealing with in the ancient past.

Hotchkiss is a proper choice here, and I probably would have been disappointed had she not shown up. She’s the perfect mix of spacey academic and, well, brilliant academic, and though Nancy isn’t too fond of her, she’s probably my favorite reoccurring phone friend outside of the Hardy Boys.

The Favorite:

There’s a lot to love with TMB, so let’s jump right in.

First off, my favorite puzzle(s) have got to be the word puzzles for unscrambling the special hieroglyphics. Longtime followers of this meta series (or those who read my ASH meta) know that my favorite thing in a Nancy Drew game is always the word puzzle, and these are so much fun that it’d be impossible for them not to be my favorite puzzle.

My favorite moment in the game is probably the finding of Jamila’s mom’s journal pages, culminating in the line “she’ll never let you leave”. Like I’ve said above, so much of this game is about the weight of the dead and the effect they have on the living, and Jamila’s mom weighs heaviest of all as our intensely personal, recent stake in finding Nefertari.

I’ve said before (in a previous meta about my favorite surprising moments in the ND games) that there’s shades of Kate’s last correspondences in Jamila’s mother’s journal, and those shades are never so present as they are here.

There’s not really another place to put it, so I’m gonna put a shout-out to the cover of the DVD case here. It’s really well-designed and captures the feeling of the game without being overly spoilery, so massive kudos to the developers and designers for it.

The last thing I note here (though I could go on and on about the small details in this game that make it great) is the feeling of continued exploration. In a lot — I’d say most, honestly — of Nancy Drew games, once you explore everywhere, there’s really nowhere left to go other than sometimes a new location at the end of the game while chasing down the villain. Here, the game is continually expanding through the new tunnels and passages in the tomb. It makes it really feel like this a real location you could explore, and not just a few screens limited for time, space, and design restrictions, and it’s wonderful.

On the less wonderful side, however…

The Un-Favorite:

The biggest problem I have with TMB is that the first fourth of it — pretty much until Nancy finds the first sarcophagus — is fairly unintuitive. Even replaying it multiple times doesn’t make it any easier to remember what I have to do and when I can do it, and playing it through the first time results in not a few times where you stare at the screen, wondering what it is you’re supposed to be doing. This is a rare problem in Nancy Drew games, but it’s fairly present through the first part of the game here, and that is a problem.

My least favorite puzzle is probably the lifting-the-rocks-off-Dylan puzzle, if only because it always takes me five or six tries to do it. It always feels like a sort of trial-and-error sort of thing, which (excepting its place in logic puzzles) isn’t really my personal favorite. It’s not that I think it’s a bad puzzle, it’s just my least favorite in the game.

My least favorite moment in the game is more of a meta moment, but it’s when Nancy asks for “a few tips” for translating hieroglyphics, and Abdullah mocks her a bit, saying that oh, yes, at first he was also confused, but then he learned a few tips. It would be a great moment in the game — and in the story itself, it is — if it wasn’t, well, immediately contradicted by the nature of the hieroglyphics puzzles. Like I said above, the unscrambling of the hieroglyphics puzzles are my favorite in the whole game, and I love them to death, but in a meta sense, this moment does stick out in a “you can’t say it’s stupid and then include it as if just saying it’s stupid makes it okay for you to do” sort of way.

The Fix:

So how would I fix Tomb of the Lost Queen?

The big thing that needs help in TMB is to make the beginning more intuitive. Whether this should be done by Jon giving Nancy a set of tasks to complete, having a checklist of what needs to be done that day (even if it’s vague), or some other method, there definitely needs to be a little more direction in the first part of the game.

I’m not saying that the game should hold the player’s hand — especially considering that the average age of the fanbase is well above the age 10+ marker — but a Nancy Drew game should always have something to do at the start, rather than wandering around to explore a place that Nancy has ostensibly already been for a bit.

With that change in mind, there’s really honestly nothing else that I would fix. TMB is a game devoted to the idea that the dead are ever present in life, especially for those who have lost people, and it really accomplishes delivering that idea through a myriad of characters, scenes, and clues that Nancy finds along the way. It also goes a long way in developing Nancy more as a character, and — perhaps most importantly — begins the task of setting the groundwork for a truly Nancy-centric story in SPY.

[the-river-person]

Any interesting world-building tidbit that wasn't included in your tales? This is a very interesting world you've got

I have three major bits that I desperately wanted to include in the story but never could find the right moment for. 1. (This hilarious dialogue snippet from Gaster and Alphys that never made it into the story but I decided was too funny to not save.) Alphys: (laying on floor) I’m nothing. Not a scientist. Useless. I’m just garbage. Gaster: (glances down at her briefly, looking thoughtful).... you’re recyclable. Alphys: !?!?!?!?!?? 2. I wanted to better explore the area below Waterfall, the deep pits that all the falls plunge down into, where once Alphys stood and considered throwing herself down into. The concept of it was a sort of transformation for Alphys and Undyne. They return to this place that might have been a place of tragedy, and they make it the start of something amazing. The cliffs below were riddled with caves and openings, an entire city carved straight into the rock, with grand staircases that lead down, and elevators that see a lot of use for those who don't want to walk (or can't). Can you imagine the place? Beautiful caves where every window opens up to the underside of the cascading, thundering waterfalls. And because they had hundreds of years to develop it all, the Lower City had gardens and fascinating landmarks to visit, a gallery devoted entirely to the art of Alphys' favorite animes (and oh boy were there some truly gorgeous works there. For some reason there was also a portrait of Mettaton as God and Alphys as Adam in a lovely oil painting that is a sort of imitative transformation piece of Michelangelo's very famous "The Creation of Adam". Nobody really knows who painted it, nor why, but the gallery director informed the public that it was donated anonymously as a gift to commemorate the gallery's Grand Opening.) Because Undyne had a huge part in the City's inception, there ended up being several small schools for various physical activities such as: Wrestling, Ballet, Clogging, Modern Dance, Taekwondo, Spear fighting, Sword fighting, and Water Aerobics. Also one very tiny school for Piano that consisted of Undyne herself and whoever she was teaching to play at their lessons three times a week. Down below are the Depths, the deepest and darkest part of the Underground's caverns. A massive lake that the falls plunge into. Most of its life has been spent without light of any kind, and even now it's still very shadowy. The Lower City of the cliffs sort of spills out between waterfalls to drift around the shore of the lake. But even 300 hundred years later it hasn't all been explored and the Lower City hasn't expanded much more (even with the Underground populous trying their best to spread out, they can't possibly fill every space. I'm working with an upper limit of 1,400-2,000 monsters total in the Underground, with a lower limit of 322 for the souls visible coming from Asriel in the game when he breaks the barrier. Due to the fact that Ghost Monsters were excluded from the soul snatching event, and the fact that there is literally no way to estimate how many spiders are in the Underground, both have been excluded from this counting.) At the far end of the dark lake a lonely outpost sits, home to a very very few monsters who either prefer the total solitude and darkness, or have come there for reasons of science. To study the pools of super-heated water and geysers, or the aquatic life somehow managing to thrive in the pitch black lake that is swimming with garbage from humans and monsters alike, or even geological strata that possesses very interesting formations this far down. There are numerous guidelines in place that prevent Monsters from staying at the Outpost for more than two months at a time for Mental Health concerns. Both Royal Scientists tried (separately) to use their position to override this rule. Undyne was sent to retrieve Alphys and bodily carried her back despite protests, and Queen Toriel herself came to order Gaster back to the Upper Underground (there were fireballs thrown before he finally gave up). 3. And finally, I actually fully intended to have a scene in the story where Sans demanded that Gaster tell him exactly how long they spent trapped down there, after all, he's the only one who kept track of it if you recall. But I completely spaced it when it came to writing those last few scenes. So I'll tell you my final calculations here. We know that Determination had a strange effect on the magic of the Barrier. Whenever a Reset happened, time in the Underground would move a tiny bit slower than time outside. The time spent inside the Barrier, counting both the truly ridiculous amount of time wasted in resets by both the Human and by Flowey, as well as the 300 years afterward that this story covers, comes somewhere around the area of 51,967,952,715 years. Or Fifty One Billion, Nine Hundred and Sixty Seven Million, Nine Hundred and Fifty Two Thousand, Seven Hundred and Fifteen. An insane amount of time. What’s my explanation for how the minds of various characters remained intact? Well, Gaster spent long long periods of time sleeping. He wasn’t fully himself yet as his assistants hadn’t managed to collect enough pieces of him. So unstable and having a warped perception of time kept him from actually going insane, instead letting him sleep for centuries at a time. Sans actually didn’t start to become fully aware until quite a long ways into the resets, and then spent a while trying to figure out what was going on, fought with everything he could for a while in endless genocide routes, and then eventually lost hope entirely and sort of... went on automatic for a long time before he woke up enough to change something (a single question was all it took). And Flowey stayed in a similar state for thousands of years, quietly repeating the exact same conversations, the same actions, the same patterns. The only times he was even aware enough to notice the passage of time was when something new happened. These are not in any way realistic ways of reacting to such a vast period of time. From what science we understand about the brain, it would barely last more than a couple hundred years at the very most, but probably less than that. And that’s if you can keep it in perfect condition without any decay. Memories would begin to go long before that, only fragments remaining and the brain keeping only what is relevant to you now. But lots and lots of old stories depict supernatural and magical beings as sleeping for centuries in forgotten temples, under castles, in sealed magical caverns, in caves on beds of treasure, and a thousand other variances. So I wanted to explore that in the way of a part of the Monster Soul that would act as a self defense mechanism to the Mind of the Monster who was somehow living and living and living without possibility of dying and needed to be able to stay sane throughout that. So it either makes them sleep, or in severe circumstances it can put them on a sort of automatic mode where they repeat a sequence ad infinitum. Both have their roots in folklore, but the way it works is my own interpretation of the idea. Outside the barrier, however, is a different story. The full total of time that has  passed out there is 10,​000,​000,​000,​000,​000,​000,​000,​000,​000,​000,​000,​000,​000,​000,​000,​000,​000,​000,​000,​000,​000,​000,​000,​000,​000,​000,​000,​000,​000,​000,​000,​000,​000. Known as Duotrigintillion, or also as one Googol. While the Underground got slower and slower and slower, the rest of the Universe continued on at its usual pace. The planet earth was destroyed by the Sun going into its Red Giant Phase, and then it became a White Dwarf. Then a Black Dwarf. Galaxies and super-galaxies went slowly dark, matter was dissolved or eaten by black holes, even black holes eventually began to decay due to Hawking Radiation. And because the light, garbage, and air being let into the Underground were the exact same stuff that was being let in at the beginning and was just on repeat forever, the Monsters never noticed. It was only when a run went on a little longer than usual, when the Barrier started trying to correct itself by syncing up time again, when you could see the darkness beyond. A darkness without stars and without life. Only cold and shadow, forever. The absolute and inexorable Heat Death of the Universe. Is it the only Universe in the Multiverse that has lived its full possible lifetime from beginning to end? Possibly. Ink would know. Whatever the case, its certainly a very very old Universe indeed (It probably is one of several branches off the original Universe, a stray timeline become a Universe in its own right).

[saiyanhajime]

My First Artist Alley at a Comic Con… What I’ve Learnt

I’ve thought about selling my wears in artist alley for something like ten years now… And aside from feeling like my stuff isn’t good enough to compete until relatively recently, the main reason I hadn’t given it a whirl until now was the cost. I couldn’t understand how it would be financially viable, and if you’re here to find the quick answer to that same burning question, the answer is it’s not - at least for me. But if I’m being honest and perhaps a little harsh, I can’t really see how it could be what I would consider truly “worthwhile” for all but the most successful artists in the alley when you factor in all expenses.

But would I do it again? Hell yes. Did I have fun? Absolutely! Was there value in networking, making friends and social media gains? Yes, yes and yes!

I went to London Comic Con Spring run by Showmasters. I choose this con because of a few reasons, namely that it was the next local con with tables left when I started seriously obsessing over wanting to do this.

The stall was very reasonable at £80 (but I paid an extra £30 for an additional person to help out.)

This convention is a lot more Film and TV focused than was ideal for what I thought my audience would be - with their main highlight being their guest signings. I knew this going in and my assumptions were right, I think. That said, the “small press” section of the event was wildly varied, but it did feel like actual comic creators were doing the best of us all.

The Expenses

The costs add up, fast. A £ here and there and you’ve racked up £500 or so worth of expenses before you’ve even factored in potential travel, food and hotels… Let alone time. I know you’re probably thinking you wouldn’t spend that much, but believe me - if you record EVERY cost related to getting your stall together, you’ll be shocked how fast it accumulates. You’ll find yourself looking at all the £3-5 you spent on bits n bobs wondering how the final sum is so high.

I know what you’re thinking… You can do it cheaper. I just didn’t try hard enough to get these costs down. But believe me, I did.

I spent way more time than was worthwhile researching costs - these prices include VAT & they include shipping -  I wanted the most accurate picture of the hard cash I would actually have to spend up front… And the oddly expensive ones like the postcards cost so much because I effectively paid a premium to have multiple designs. My logic was to try lots of different things, learn as much as possible, but have few in quantity of each design. That way, the flops hurt less. You pay more per item for that privilege, but what’s the use in having 100 of something that won’t sell? I’d rather learn from x10 of something even if I’m making half the profit “per item”. 

That’s a mistake a think so many businesses make - don’t think of profit per item, think of it in profit on entire expenses. I made a huge loss, just like I expected. :) My 100 postcards for example costing £50 makes them 50p each, and selling at £1.50 means £1 profit per postcard. That’s £100 profit! Except I only sold 10 - that means a £35 loss for the time being. It’s not a profit until you recoup the whole cost. And I thought of the whole cost as that £550 sum from the get go. Only once I cover all accumulated costs am I making a profit.

But most of these costs are reusable… I could go to another con tomorrow and only pay an additional £150 or so for the table, travel, etc. and have enough stock and a decent display. And that’s my intention - don’t give up, do a few, then evaluate. THEN give up. :)

So realistically, you need to be willing to waste £800+ to find out if this game is for you. That’s a big chunk of money not to be sniffed at and you should be aware of that before you jump in.

The Products

What should I take? Who should I order it from?? How much stock do I need???

These are unanswerable questions because they are highly personal. I see soooo many “where should I get prints from??” with people expecting an easy answer. There isn’t one. But I can try and explain why there isn’t one. I think a lot of newbies assume creators don’t want to share their suppliers because they’re being protective or don’t want the competition - nonono, it’s that the answer is different for everyone. An established, popular and successful artist in the alley is likely ordering huge bulk orders from a supplier that has a minimum order of hundreds or thousands. What good is that information to us newbies? It’s useless.

Prints 

In the end, I took 7 print designs…. All fanart, with 4 of the designs being Dragon Ball, 2 of the designs Sonic the Hedgehog and one of GLaDOS from Portal 2. Two of the designs were on A3 and the rest on A4.

I ordered A4 and A3 prints from different suppliers, as they were cheaper this way, EVEN with the postage factored in - which is absolutely ridiculous I know, but you begin to see why “x company is best for prints!” is a useless piece of advice. But sit tight, cuz it gets way worse.

I ordered as few as possible, but a couple of websites had the same price for 5 as the other did for 10, etc. so I went with the one that offered more for the same, obviously. I had x6 (including the display print) of each A4 print and x10 of each A3 - not because I thought they would sell twice as much, just because that’s the least I could get for the cheapest price! And to make matters even more complex - I made those orders based on coupons I had found and you often can’t see the total inc postage until you’ve got everything in your basket and entered your address and email. I looked at maybe 20 suppliers. Imagine how long that took, just for prints. And if I did the same thing tomorrow, it wouldn’t be the same suppliers who were cheaper - coupons and offers change the game, quantity required changes the game. Getting 30 A4 prints might be cheaper on one site, but it might be better to get them from another if you’re after 40, and it definitely will be if you’re wanting them to be all the same - then you can probably get 100 for less than I paid. Nightmare. And you find yourself going “but I can get 100 of the same print for £17 - maybe it’s worth the investment…” Maybe? Who knows! Probably not though.

I don’t think I’d bother with ordering A3 again anytime soon - the main reason is that A3 cellophane bags and carrier bags big enough for such a large print are quite a considerable added expense… And a lot of potential buyers commented how they loved a print but just don’t have the wall space. I also couldn’t find a supplier that would offer to print less than 10 A3 prints in one design. One buyer commented that they would get one of my other prints if it was larger - but would they? I know from experience selling online that people often say “oh man I’d so get a ____ if you did one!” and you do and you even link it to them and then silence. Don’t take what potential customers say too seriously, unless you’ve got a decent number of them telling you the same thing. But for me, 3 people telling me that on top of my other reasons for disliking A3 is enough to go, ok… Forget A3.

Perhaps my best piece of advice is to sign up to every supplier's newsletter. I get emailed deals almost daily now and if you’ve got the time to play with, it’s worth getting your stuff ready for print and just sitting and waiting for that coupon to drop. 15-20% off can make a huge difference to your margins. I purposefully waited until January to place my orders, expecting a post Christmas assortment of deals, and I was right. Bare in mind that many suppliers can take a while to get stuff to you and it might not be right - so don’t cut it too late to order things. I ordered everything just under two months ahead of the con and had plenty of time to then play with and practise setting up how I was going to display things.

So, how did the prints do? I sold out of the Sonic and Shadow print - including the display, which I sold at a marked down rate. I sold 2 of each A3 print - Great Ape Vegeta vs Goku and GLaDOS… 1 of Majin Vegeta, 2 of Fleetway Super Sonic. None of Gogeta or Shenron.

So, Dragon Ball wasn’t so hot, Sonic absolutely was. Is that a long term trend, or just this con? Hell if I know.

I didn’t have a portfolio book with my prints in on the table - I thought that was a waste of space if I can fit them all up on my display - but with hindsight, you get two types of people... Those who aren’t interested in artist alley stalls and pass through at a distance and a print up high MIGHT catch their eye and bring them over. But the vast majority of people you’ll sell to have their eyes down at the tables as they pass. This was the most important thing I learnt - I’d read so much about how important it is to use “vertical” space and tried to get as much off the table as possible, but by day 2 I was spreading more out on the table until every inch of it was covered. I often had to tell people about my prints and they would look up having not noticed them! I had read that people recommend having a portfolio book for people to thumb through - but I hadn’t really understood the benefit of that. Having people touch and interact with stuff on the table is such a valuable interaction that sparks natural conversations. It’s really important to have physical stuff ON the table, perhaps more so than getting a fancy vertical setup. If you’re strapped for cash - ditch the idea of grid cubes or similar completely. Just lay stuff out.

Postcards

When my postcards arrived I immediately realised I’d made a stupid mistake. I was obsessed with getting the display vertical and having lots of different designs. Having so many different postcards to display was a nightmare that I think impacted the whole setup. The wall they created took light away from one side of the display, they were really quite oppressive! - and I knew this before I even went to the show, but I didn’t know how else to display them. I don’t think I would order postcards again, they barely sold… But the 90 I have leftover will be displayed in a photo album on the table next time for sure. Seems so obvious now! They were a HUGE waste of money - they’re expensive for what they are to get made and the retail price of them is abysmal. But, there were a couple of times when people who didn’t have the money for a big print maybe wouldn’t have bought anything, but I had something cheap and cheerful to offer, which was nice. The other cool thing about them is you can have your website on the back and it doesn’t seem out of place or weird.

The main problem with finding a postcard provider was I couldn’t find anywhere that would do small print runs to allow me to order several designs, so I ended up going with the one company I knew who’d do that - Moo. But man are they expensive - I could have got 500 postcards of one design for less than half what I paid for 100 of 25 diff designs - but again, having the variety mattered to me.

Postcards are a pain and not worth it, which explains why I so rarely see them for sale. Lesson learned!

If you have a decent inkjet printer, postcards are super easy to make and I used to do this before I lost patience with inkjet home printers and switched to laser. Just get thick photo paper, already the correct size!

Stickers

I had a mix of kiss-cut and die-cut stickers that by day two I was spreading out on the table and absolutely getting more sales as a direct result… They still didn’t do exceptionally well, but I don’t regret having them. They’re a solid low-retail-price staple of the artist alley table. Pieces of art with a purpose, especially in the age of reusable water bottles. A couple of fellow artists noted that my stickers were very cheap priced at £1.50 and I kind of agree. I think next time they will be £2 and this won’t negatively affect sales. There’s a common fallacy that making something cheaper will increase sales - the likelihood is that it won’t, and when you think how many more sales you have to make to gain the same profit, you realise this is the case. Just that small difference of 50p would mean you have to sell 25% less stickers to make the same amount of money. Isn’t that insane? When you think of it this way, pricing your items right really matters.

I also had sticker sheets - the Baa (from Dragon Ball) ones I only sold one of, to a child who I’m not sure even knew what they were from, but the Sonic sheet did pretty well! I didn’t see many other artists rocking Sonic stuff - or even much Sonic stuff on the wider show floor - which is surprising given the recent film release. I guess I just tapped into a niche, but it’s hard to tell.

Several suppliers of stickers offer multiple designs as standard, or a small surcharge for having multiple designs. Shop around. Stickers are overpriced from many suppliers. The popular choice of Stickermule often run deals where you can get 50 for £19, but even this deal price is quite expensive for x50 of the same sticker. They are by far the best quality stickers, to be fair to them… But you don’t need x50 of one sticker for the purpose of artist alley. I’ve jumped on Stickermule promos in the past where they charge £1 for 10 stickers. That’s a great opportunity to try out design you’re really not sure about. I can’t stress enough how important newsletter signup to suppliers is!

Honestly, Zap Creatives are the only company I’ve used that I would recommend without a second thought. Their customer service is exceptional, their postal packaging is not only environmentally friendly but also adequate (I had a lot of issues with other suppliers packaging and items arriving to me damaged! Another reason you need to order far in advance.) and their prices are transparent and extremely good value. They have free postage (globally, I believe!), which makes it so easy to see how much you’ll be spending at a glance. They have detailed “how to” pages for setting up your files. They’re a dream come true. Sign up to their newsletter, follow them on socials, give them your money - they deserve it. Not sponsored, just genuinely impressed.

Comic

Back at Uni a friend and I made a little comic, and I got some more copies made and took it along because, why not… It is COMIC con after all, and this convention actually calls the artist alley “small press”. It sold pretty well for an independent original to a wide variety of people, young and old. It made me really happy to see an original work sell! You’d be surprised how cheap getting a book printed can be - but be willing for the pages to be slightly misaligned and the paper quality eh. But if you just want a cheap comic printed or a zine, it is very doable in small runs even as low as 10. Remember that stuff doesn’t need to be perfect. Don’t stress over imperfections. I wouldn’t recommend the supplier I used because their delivery was an abysmal royal shit-show, but their customer service made up for it and then their re-delivery was only a slightly less abysmal royal shit-show on the second attempt. So, I won’t mention them.

On that note - if a supplier isn’t good enough, get in touch with their customer services and be nice but tell them it’s not good enough. Give them a chance to fix things.

Traditional Art Originals

I took a lot of traditional media original artworks with me, mostly because I had them already. I sold one low value original.

This was a little heartbreaking because the sale of just one high value original would have pushed the worthwhileness a long way - but it is a lot of money to expect people to spend and is a luck of the draw situation, for sure.

However, the larger ones definitely attracted attention to my stall and created conversation - so I’d say if you have larger originals or small low value quick drawings, they’re worth bringing, but I wouldn’t make any for the intent of selling in the future.

I don’t think a single person thumbed through my plate rack of originals. It was a poor display idea. Don’t recommend it at all. But I can’t think of a better idea other than individual easel displays which take up valuable table space better used for spreading out other items flat.

How could I have done better?

I think having more variety of franchises in my prints was the only HUGE mistake that I kinda knew before I arrived might be an issue. The reason I didn’t was I was worried about space and this could have been avoided had I just listened to the advice I read and had a portfolio out - I even have an A4 portfolio book! Stupid. I’m stupid.

Would I have done enough better to make a profit? No way haha.

How did other people seem to be doing?

It didn’t seem like anyone was doing particularly well… But without knowing peoples numbers, it’s hard to say. And I doubt many people keep the obsessive books I do.

I am pretty sure a lot of convention artists don’t realise the amount they are spending vs the amount they aren’t making… But I could be wrong. There’s a lot of talk of “making table” which I did make back, but I came nowhere close to making back all associated costs. I think for it to be legitimately financially “worthwhile”, you’d have to take about £2k over a weekend - to account for the time and all expenses and paying yourself a decent wage. And if your prints are £10 each, that’s more than 10 prints sold an hour. No one was anywhere near this busy. No way.

A few artists told me this isn’t the most amazing show in the first place and they’ve done worse than they did at this same show last year, even if it seemed physically busier at times this year. A lot of this game is luck of the draw - who’s turning up, how much do they have to spend, what's the weather doing, etc. etc…

Do I need a card reader?

My sales were about 50/50 cash and card… But I ran out of exact change at one point, so being able to take card payments saved the sale. I have a Sum Up reader as it was the cheapest to buy up front and I had no issues with it the whole weekend. At £20 it was a bargain. I think I would rather have that than the cube display grid, for example.

Do you have any cost shaving tips?

Oh hell yeah!

First up - like I said before - sign up to every single potential supplier newsletter. Some of them send out coupons almost weekly.

I bought very little in the way of display equipment and salvaged the rest...

I borrowed some plate stands from my nan, I took empty cardboard displays from ASDA and Sainsbury's (I’d try Walmart or Target in the USA). These were great because they fold down flat for transporting, are light and FREE! Keep your eyes peeled when you’re out shopping for ones which might be the right size for your products. Often times you can transfer the one or two items left in them to another box in the store, or they’re simply empty. I found ASDA best for having completely unbranded boxes. I also made some stands for my small originals from thick card rather than by expensive display racks that are heavy to transport and cost a bomb.

Pick local shows if you can and research thoroughly your transport options and the cost. Parking, trains, hotel costs and eating out can be extortionate additions to your overall expense that are easily forgotten.

Make sure you can carry your setup and don’t need to spend additional money on an Uber or something to help you move shit around!

Use what you have. Don’t buy storage boxes and suitcases and trolleys if you don’t have to. Sure, they might make your life slightly easier, but maybe wait and see how your first few cons go.

Any other tips or things you wish you’d known?

One thing that was kinda stressing me out was leaving stock overnight, but I realised there’s a whole show floor of high value figurines down there...

Leaving the stall unattended isn’t a big deal, either. Obviously take your money with you, but your neighbors can let potential customers know you’ve popped to the loo and I saw several “Back Soon!” signs throughout the day. I took a friend mostly as company, but I would confidently do a con alone having seen how much of a non-issue this is. Having a friend is great for chatting and having a chance to have a look around the show and chat to other artists, though!

I’m not sure carrier bags are necessary. They’re a pretty substantial extra expense you can skip.

Check all your stock as soon as it arrives in the mail. I had an order of cello bags for A4 prints where about 50% of the pack were unusable as the bottom seal with just... open.

Oh! And the “Sundays are always quieter” rhetoric? My Sunday was twice as good as Saturday, despite being quieter on the show floor.

Overall...

I really enjoyed myself. I loved everything. Chatting to customers, chatting to artists, seeing what people were selling, people watching, eating junk, setting up, tearing down and having a friend to chat with and chill the whole time. I gained a pretty significant Twitter follower boost over the weekend and gave away approximately 150-200 business cards as well as meeting some awesome new friends.

I’m not sure if I will be back for the same show next year - we’ll see. I’d like to try a bunch of different shows with different audiences. Many overlap in terms of being around the same time of year. And all the while I’m carrying limited stock to see what works and what doesn’t, I’m reluctant to book two close together.

I’m lucky enough to live in London - so I have access to several big conventions throughout the year on my doorstep.

I have a table at Hyper Japan in July. A very different con to this one with a table almost half as big. So I suspect most of what I’ve learnt won’t even apply! But that’s kind of exciting. My logical brain tells me not to make more stuff, but I think I’ve got the con bug now and just wanna make more profits!

I hope this has been slightly useful to anyone toying with the idea of doing a convention. I recommend checking out @howtobeaconartist​ here on Tumblr as well as Ben Krefta’s incredibly detailed experiences of being a UK convention artist.

Another thing I found helpful was to watch youtube video walk-arounds from previous years at the same show - see what people are selling, their set-ups, get a feel for space, see if you see the same people returning year after year. Here’s a video from the show I’ve just done! Artist alley starts at around 7:50.

[m00nslippers]

Just a few more of Jason Todd’s feats (Part 2)

Part 1 | Part 2

This is continued from Part 1, where I went through most everything relevant in the Preboot-era for Jason that I’m aware of. The exception to that is the events of Countdown which does feature Jason but also had him fighting extra-dimensional people so there is not much relevance to the main DC universe, and Lost Days where he doesn’t fight anyone who has ever fought anyone else of note. Happily, Jason kept the vast majority of his stories as canon after the reboot, so the only things from Part One that are questionable are things that don’t take place in Batman comics. I totally forgot Nightwing: Brothers in Blood though so I’m adding it, even if it isn’t canon anymore.

As before, I’m listing the major fights where Jason fights against skilled vigilantes or assassins, basically people skilled/important enough that you can use the match to measure his ability, so I’m discounting fights with nobodies and goons and low tier vigilantes/criminals.

To reiterate from Part 1, Jason is often in a position to kill his opponents, so in many matches he could technically win at any point, but he chooses not to. In the New 52 and beyond Jason acts more as a hero/protagonist in many cases so he runs a lot less and fights other Bats less often. But as before in the case that he does run or the fight is inconclusive, I’m just going to call it a ‘tie’. I’m going to rate the outcome of matches as such:

Win - Jason kills, incapacitates, checkmates or otherwise defeats his opponent.

Tie with an advantage - Jason escapes or stops the fight with less damage than his opponent or having achieved more goals.

Tie - More or less an equal amount of damage, or goal achievement on both sides.

Tie with a disadvantage - Jason escapes or stops the fight with more damage than his opponent or not having achieved his goal.

Loss - Jason is captured, incapacitated, checkmated or otherwise defeated.

Let me just preface this by saying that many fights in the New 52/Rebirth, especially any instance where Jason fights alongside other batkids--especially Tim and Damian--Jason is purposefully made to look incompetent and the other superior, contrary to pretty much everything we know about Jason and Damian or Tim’s skills. Not that Tim or Damian are bad fighters, but Part 1 of this series makes it pretty damn clear that Jason is superior to both in skill/ability--which makes sense, he’s bigger and older and been fighting longer, there is no shame in that. So take the fights that involve them with a grain of salt, because most of them paint one or both characters as OOC. I usually try to be quick with the summaries of fights but I’m going to go into why some of these fights don’t make sense.

Nightwing: Brothers in Blood (1996)

Nightwing (Jason Todd) vs Nightwing (Dick Grayson)

Win - Jason actually saves Dick from falling off a building right before this, which Dick doesn’t really appreciate. They roll about fighting on the rooftop a bit with Jason seeming more playful while Dick is furious, ending in Dick hanging off the side of a building Lion-King style and Jason slashing his hand to drop him, effectively winning the fight.

Nightwing (Jason Todd) vs Nightwing (Dick Grayson)

Win - Dick leaps off a catwalk to try to fight Jason in civilian identity, which is silly but whatever. They trade some good blows but in the end, Jason knocks Dick out and escapes.

Batman, Incorporated (2012)

Wingman (Jason Todd), Redbird (Damian Wayne), The Hood and El Gaucho vs Merlyn, Sportsmaster, and thirty of the best League Assassins.

Win - Jason just walks through these guys. Damian shoots Merlyn with an arrow which was helpful but completely unnecessary and Jason electrocutes the guy. El Gaucho and The Hood help out but they struggle throughout. Jason casually takes out anyone who gets close. I only bother mentioning this fight at all because we are explicitly told these guys are THE BEST THIRTY assassins the League has, including named guys like Sportsmaster and it’s a joke. That is the level Jason is at.

Red Hood and The Outlaws (2011)

Red Hood and Starfire vs Lady Shiva, Manbats and Bronze Tiger

Tie with an advantage - Jason starts this fight chained to a pillar, which he gets out of in the blink of an eye. He then proceeds to punch out some manbats, gets in a fight with Lady Shiva, which he wins with a nerve strike, though it’s implied to be cheating by the dialogue, and then trades blows with Bronze Tiger. Granted, he gets in a tight spot with Bronze Tiger, for Star to jump in and assist. I’ll call it a tie, but anytime you take out Lady Godamn Shiva it’s a win.

Red Hood vs Ra’s Al Ghul

Win - This fight has more going on than just the martial arts, there’s magic Well of Sins/All-Caste stuff going on too, but generally speaking it’s a sword fight between Ra’s and Jason, in which Jason has the upper hand throughout and in the end he strike Ra’s down and strips him of the power of the Well of Sins.

Red Hood vs Ravager

Tie - Jason and Ravager are pretty evenly matched but it’s likely neither are trying their hardest because even after they stalemate each other, the fight ends and they go about their business.

Batman And Robin (2011)

Red Hood vs Robin (Damian Wayne)

Tie - By his own admission, Jason isn’t fighting his hardest against Damian. They exchange blows, Damian at one point has Jason at sword point, but Jason pulls an electrified baton like Nightwing’s, only Damian isn’t there, he’s escaped with his objective, which is Jason’s Red Hood helmet. So you may wonder why I classify this match as a tie when Damian seemed to get away with his objective. Well, it’s because Jason’s helmet can be remote detonated. Jason technically has Damian at a checkmate, but he’s not going to blow up his baby brother so I’d call this a tie.

Red Hood vs Batman

Tie - Jason is compromised through this whole fight but despite feeling betrayed and anxious he manages to hold it together pretty well. He and Bruce trade blows that results in a similar amount of damage but neither are really trying to win they just want to hurt each other. In the end, Jason is the one to decide to stop fighting and walk away.

Batman Eternal

Red Hood vs Batgirl (Barbara Gordon)

Loss - Even though Jason really is purposefully not hurting Barbara, because she’s been mind-whammied to think he’s the Joker, it still shows him getting his ass kicked more than it probably should. Basically Jason losses because he’s not trying to win. The win is waking Barb up, which he does, so it’s hard to tell how useful this fight is to gauge his abilities.

Batman & Robin Eternal

Red Hood vs Orphan (Cassandra Cain)

Win - Jason pretty clearly had the upper hand in this fight, though Cass gets some good hits in. Jason checkmates her twice, Cass breaks the first one when Jason is distracted on the phone with Dick, only for Jason to get her in another that could have resulted in real injury if Dick hadn’t stopped him from landing the blow.

Red Hood and Red Robin vs Bane

Tie with a disadvantage - First of all, Tim just gets in the way in this fight but it’s presented as if he is the smarter/superior fighter/strategist somehow. Jason gets a good hit or two on Bane even if he takes some bad hits too. But Tim straight up throws some birdarangs into Jason’s chest like an idiot and then when Bane manages to get Jason down, Tim pulls Jason’s gun and ‘checkmates’ Bane...except who in the hell believes Red Robin would actually pull the trigger to kill Bane? Nobody, so it’s a stalemate at best. This fight is dumb and Tim especially is written stupidly in this fight but I’d be remiss if I didn’t include it.

Red Hood and Red Robin vs Azrael

Tie with a disadvantage - This fight is less out of character but is still stupid. It shows Jason on the ground right at the beginning but doesn’t even show how/why that happened. Red Robin refuses to run when Jason tells him to, as if he’s going to have better luck against the guy, and jumps into the fight with Azrael. He knocks off his helmet somehow but then pretty much gets whooped, at which point Jason gets a good knock on Azrael, steals Tim and escapes.

Deathstroke (2014)

Red Hood vs Deathstroke

Win - Granted, Slade says his healing factor is compromised in this fight, but when it comes down to it, that doesn’t make him fight better, just bypass damage. They trade blows pretty evenly but as soon as Slade seems like he might get a real hit on Jason, our Jay just shoots him and it’s over.

Robin War

Red Hood vs Robin (Damian Wayne)

Loss -  This fight is short and completely stupid. Jason doesn’t land a hit, Damian essentially knocks him out with the ground.

Red Hood and the Outlaws (2016)

Red Hood vs Artemis of Bana-Migdall

Tie - Artemis has an overwhelming strength advantage over Jason, shattering his helmet with one punch and deflecting his bullets, but Jason does manage to briefly knock her out with the tazer in his bodyarmor, which some might call a win, but considering he was on the ropes most of the fight seems like a reach. After this they team up, and the fight ends without a clear victor.

Red Hood and Artemis of Bana-Migdall vs Orphan, Azrael, Batwing and Clayface

Loss - Hey, remember those fights with Azrael before in that trash comic that shall not be named? This is a more accurate representation of Jason’s strength. Jason starts off fighting Batwing, Clayface and Azrael, which he seems to easily be able to handle individually and in twos, while Artemis takes on Orphan and gets a hit in on the other opponents when there are openings. The fight seems pretty well in hand until Bizarro is taken out, causing Jason to turn to save him, at which point Batwing tasers him with a shot in the back. Despite technically losing, Jason was clearly superior to any single fighter on the other side who participated.

Red Hood vs Batman

Loss - This is the only time Jason has ever outright lost to Batman, but he was compromised and rushed through the entire battle, having been trying to rescue his friends and then reacting to their presumed death. He made a few defensive maneuvers and counters but it was clear he wasn’t trying to fight, whereas Batman beat at Jason, even when he was checkmated. Despite being rescued by Arsenal at the end of the battle, Jason definitely lost, but it’s difficult to say how invested he was in winning to begin with.

Teen Titans (2018) Annual 1

Red Hood vs Robin (Damian Wayne)

Win -  Jason starts off the fight trying to avoid fighting or hurting Damian. He lets Damian get in a number of hits on him without retaliation, until Damian pulls some kind of box that seems to upset Jason enough to get a real fight going. At this point Jason destroys Damian, the kid really never had a chance. And Damian resorts to trying to stalemate Jason with a suicide bomb, which Jason calls Damian’s bluff on and just leaves the battle with Damian defeated.

Conclusions

Fights from the New 52 and onward involving Jason are inconsistent compared to those before the reboot.

In his own title he fights mostly within a team and has few solo fights with street-level martial artists to really gauge his abilities.

The few times he does though, it upholds the skill that he is shown to have in the preboot era, showing him defeat Lady Shiva, Ra’s Al Ghul and survive in a match against Bronze Tiger, Ravager and Artemis of Bana-Migdall.

Taking into account all of his feats, it’s pretty easy to point out which fights are outliers: every fight with Tim in Batman and Robin Eternal and the fight with Damian in Robin War. Some other fights in Batman Eternal are also suspect.

Before these instances Tim never really had much chance against Jason in past fights. He could get good hits but for the most part he was on the defensive and absolutely nothing has changed to make him suddenly superior enough to perform better in fights or treat Jason the way he does in those comic runs. Jason is just completely written out of character in those runs. He doesn’t even act like himself most of the time.

Similarly Damian beating Jason at all is stupid, especially since it’s later shown Jason is still superior enough to Damian to basically toy with him. Damian being shown easily defeating Tim is also dumb because Tim tends to do better against Jason than Damian so really Tim should be a slightly better fighter than Damian.

A number of other fights also show Jason not dodging big, clearly telegraphed punches or dive kicks that make him look really incompetent, and which he would never be shown getting hit with in his other appearances.

The only fight involving Jason in those comics I’m not dismissing out of hand is Jay vs Cass. Cassandra fans will probably be upset with Jason beating her, but with Jason easily beating Shiva, and Cassandra also shown beating Lady Shiva in Detective Comics, it’s consistent at least. I’m tempted to say she wasn’t really trying, but considering Jason was about to open her up, that would be a pretty dumb decision. Unlike Jason, all of Cassandra’s appearances from the preboot have been completely retconned, so you can’t take any of them into account in this new iteration of her.

Basically just anything involving Jason in Batman Eternal and Batman and Robin Eternal and Robin War is stupid and you shouldn’t base your idea of his character on either of those runs because they’ve proven themselves to be inconsistent with EVERYTHING ELSE EVER WRITTEN ABOUT HIM.

Honestly the only good thing about his appearances in those runs is he consistently has the best one-liners.

[shookethbrooketh]

my pointless gatsby essay

a few days ago i mentioned that i was reading the great gatsby for class and that i wrote a paper on nick’s sexuality. some of you expressed interest in reading it, so now that i’ve finished reading the book and added in some feelings about the ending, i’m posting it so you all can read! 

a couple things: i literally wrote this for no reason. we had assignments similar to these for another book we read where i just wrote my opinions about one particularly stupid part of the book, and i wanted to it here so i just...did. if it makes the experience more hysterical for you, you should know that i let my teacher read this, and she read the beginning in the middle of my class (without my knowledge) yesterday and then i do not think she read any more. she agreed with me, though, so it’s a win. 

also, i actually honestly think nick is just gay, but the argument i made here is that he was bisexual because a) i was only about halfway through the book when i wrote the majority of this and at that time he seemed to be quite into jordan, and b) i really did not feel like trying to defend the point that he was not at all into women. you’ll be able to tell when you push ‘read more’ that i definitely had enough to say without that. it’s a solid 1250 words. have fun. 

The day I finished reading Chapter 3 of The Great Gatsby, I took to Google in search of reassurance that other people were asking the same question I was. It became clear to me that I was not alone when I typed in “Is Nick fr,” and there it was: “Is Nick from Gatsby gay?” The answer is...complicated. Although he begins dating Jordan Baker midway through the book, there is still widespread confusion surrounding Nick’s sexuality. Why, you might ask? He’s got a girlfriend--end of story. Right? Wrong. Although life would be a heck of a lot easier if it did, human sexuality doesn’t work like that, so here we are. The fact of the matter is that Nick is a heavily closeted bisexual, and he is being absolutely used by Gatsby for that. 

There are a few non-Gatsby-related clues that Nick is bisexual. For starters, he introduces each new character, male or female, with intricate and often physical detail. He narrates effectively about the physicality of characters regardless of their gender; for example, this description of Tom: 

“Not even the effeminate swank of his riding clothes could hide the enormous power of that body--he seemed to fill those glistening boots until he strained the top lacing and you could see a great pack of muscle shifting when his shoulder moved under his thin coat. It was a body capable of enormous leverage--a cruel body.” 

This quote, quite frankly, made me violently uncomfortable the first time I read it, so clearly either Nick would not mind being taken down by Tom or we need to have a serious talk with F. Scott Fitzgerald. Not to mention the odd scene where Nick disappears for FOUR HOURS between midnight and 4:00 AM with the sole memory of standing beside a bed with a half-naked man who was earlier described as feminine and was holding  a “great portfolio.” Let’s just say that by the end of Chapter 2 some alarm bells were going off in my pea-sized brain. 

Now for the real argument: Nick is clearly infatuated with Jay Gatsby. He wrote two entire paragraphs--one in Chapter 3 and one in Chapter 4--simply about the captivating, caring nature of Gatsby’s smile. He even details later in Chapter 4 how he “held out” against Gatsby’s smile, as if it was some force drawing him into something he refused to be a part of. Overall, the entire situation of Nick and Gatsby’s first meeting screams “21st century fanfiction.” Simple, normal Nick gets invited to a fancy party and chooses to go. He starts talking to another simple, normal man who offers to take him out on the water in the morning, and it feels as if everything is falling together when suddenly he realizes his “date” is actually the party’s affluent host. He is left alone with the female friend he came with, and suddenly he becomes almost obsessed with the man he was speaking with, asking his friend about him with a sudden sense of urgency. I’ll be fair--that is an utterly ridiculous analogy. Still, it checks every box, and it seems as if Gatsby is as aware of it as I am. 

Gatsby has this odd mystery about him--every move he makes is tactfully chosen, and he seems to have a global knowledge of anything related to Daisy. Because of this, it is clear that the only reason Gatsby is friends with Nick and Jordan is because he believes he can use them to get closer to Daisy. He uses his inexplicable charm to draw Nick in and convince him to help Gatsby get the girl he’s been lusting after for years. In his one valid statement in the entire book, Tom told Nick this at the end of the book: “[Gatsby] threw dust into your eyes just like he did in Daisy’s…” This statement, in and of itself, can be taken in a romantic light, but it also shows how Nick has been a bit manipulated by Gatsby. I will acknowledge that Gatsby displays many extremely relatable qualities that come together to create a characteristic I like to call “disaster gay” (literally the entirety of the panic in Chapter 5). However, Nick is the only main character in the novel who displays heavy bisexual tendencies, and Gatsby seems to be using this to his advantage. 

Finally, Chapter 9 is an emotional experience for all of us. Nick is profoundly affected by Gatsby’s death as he is left to grieve almost completely alone. Although he says in Chapter 8 that he never really liked Gatsby, his narration in Chapter 9 tells a different story. Even with Gatsby gone, he feels as if it’s him and Gatsby against the world. He’s found himself suddenly in charge of Gatsby’s funeral, growing more and more distraught with each person that disrespects the dead Gatsby. Most tellingly, he feels as if he had to care for Gatsby, or at least find someone else to be with him. Nick has this inexplicable obligation to Gatsby that screams “unrequited love” forcefully at me until I become emotional. 

All this being said, the most interesting part about it all is that I’m completely and wholly wrong. Anyone who says that F. Scott Fitzgerald would have written a bisexual narrator in the 1920s is utterly kidding themselves. Human sexuality wasn’t even perceived as more than “one or the other” until much later in the 20th century. The truth of Nick’s sexuality lies not in the text but in the reader’s perception of said text. The simplest answer to this difference in perception and reality lies in the identity of the reader, but even that doesn’t wholly explain the situation. If the narrator were a woman, chemistry between her and Gatsby would be clear to many more readers. Of course, that shows that, as is, the perception of the relationship is dependent on the reader’s experiences in life; however, it also shows that some of the misconception lies in the general culture of the 21st century. 

The vast majority of the examples I provided for Nick’s bisexuality were really written to establish mystery surrounding Gatsby’s character (or simply because Fitzgerald’s writing was excessively descriptive). He clearly had no intention of sending the message that we receive today, but in 21st-century culture, mystery and romance are often intertwined. We’re so used to correlating mystery and romance that sometimes one can come off as the other. Regardless, the best part of fiction is that it’s completely fictional. Nick can be whatever readers make him into (aside from blatant, major misinterpretations), and choosing to spend my time after we finish the book reading academic papers about Nick’s sexuality is both well within my rights and perfectly valid. 

Some side notes: 

In my research for this, I ended up on Ao3--not to read anything (spoilers, y’know), but to see how many works there were on this and what specifically was going on there, but, despite my attempts, I still managed to spoil Gatsby’s death for myself. Just so we all know the sacrifices I’ve made here. || Update: Now that we’ve finished the book, I’ve taken to reading here, and I think this is what's going to keep me sane during what I’m choosing to call the coronacation. 

I’d also like to say that I’m very suspicious of Catherine and her tendency to run off to random places across the world with other women, but we never heard anything from here again, so this is all she gets.  

[fialleril]

replies to the DAV Mara snippet

Instead of reblogging that post endlessly, thought I’d collect my replies here.

@bookwyrmie said: I remember the ask about including Mara in the DAV AU, looks like that turned into yet another thing that was not going to be written and then happened anyway.

Is there anyone that Anakin hasn’t adopted yet? There is the Free Droid Network with Kaydee and friends, the nicer imperial officers and the OBV-Squad, Leia once she becomes a senator, and he is probably keeping an eye on Pooja as well. Now here is a young force-sensitive child, who desperately needs someone to help her learn how to be a person without alerting the Inquisitors. Guess it’s about time he adopted an actual child as well.

Ha ha yeah, I was just waiting for someone to comment about that lol. It’s true I once said I wasn’t going to write Mara in DAV, but three things happened to change that:

1. I promised @astudyinimagination a pick-me-up fic and I knew Sky really wanted a fic about Mara. So I was damn well gonna write one! (The moral here is that you should always make friends with your writers, because then we will happily write you things by request!)

2. I’d been thinking for a while that I needed to somehow address the question of what happened to a Force sensitive kid who was picked up by the Inquisitors before Anakin became a double agent.

3. I’ve said a couple of times that I’ve always liked the concept of Mara, but I’ve always hesitated to write her because I dislike and discard the vast majority of Expanded Universe material and I didn’t particularly want to deal with the inevitable hate I’d get if I wrote my own version of Mara, since she’d essentially be an OC. But eventually I just decided that I get enough hate for not using EU canon anyway, so I might as well just fully embrace my multiverse theory of Star Wars canon and do what I want.

So there you have it! :)

@aeneasoftroy said:# DAV Anakin is a mix of mysterious old wizard and troll dad humor  # and it suits him so well

This is one of my favorite things about writing OT Anakin. Not that he can’t be a troll in PT AUs, too, but just...there’s a kind of settledness to his character in the OT, partly a result of everything he’s lived through but also partly just because of the fact that he’s older now. Though there’s also a bit of tragedy to the fact that he can and absolutely does carry off the Mysterious Old Wizard trope in a fic in which he is (although Mara doesn’t know it) only 32 years old.

@hyratel said: #I am Nobody is CLASSIC   #and delivered perfectly

It is indeed classical. ;)

@elf-kid2 said: This is beautiful and excellent and fantastic, and I love it. Thank You for writing this. 

Thank you! I’m glad you enjoyed it.

@katharkness said: I like this very much, and would love to see it added to the Double Agent Vader series. I also wouldn’t worry too much about your Mara not fitting with the Legends Mara, because everything the rebooted EU has added, the Inquisitors and such, doesn’t really fit with the original Legends Mara. I suppose this is more like a rebooted Mara.

Thanks! I’m not so much worried about Legends canon, though, since I never am lol. I’m more worried about people who do like and care about Legends being unhappy with the ways I’m...basically beating up the EU in a back alley and rifling through its pockets for loose change. But you make a good point about this take actually kind of working as a rebooted Mara!

I mean, tbqh I actually don’t think the Inquisitors fit in with film canon at all. But I’m working on the multiverse theory here, and they do work really well with the story I’m telling in DAV, so I’ve basically borrowed them from Filoni ‘verse and created my own canon. So I suppose borrowing Mara isn’t a step much further.

@shadaras said: I always forget how much I love Mara as a character  she's the best EU character and so much of that is because her arc is just   'I was brainwashed and then Luke's refusal to believe I wasn't a person made me able to be a person and I chose good once I could'  this AU version is delightful because it stays true to all the essential aspects of her character   it just places them in some new-EU elements (because yes that's what the shows are tbh)  and also within a great AU context that is already all about what Mara's arc always was  it just changes the Skywalker who saves her from the Emperor's brainwashing   and that isn't a big change at all really  anyway the intro implies there will be more of this eventually and that delights me  because that last line is FANTASTIC and so true to the kind of story this is  excellent job perfect story   

Yeah, that bare bones essential aspect of her character arc is why I’ve always really liked the idea of Mara Jade - she basically hits all of my trope buttons. And the themes of her story when distilled like that are a perfect fit with the themes of DAV.

Also I’m delighted that you recognize Filoni ‘verse as EU because it absolutely is!

@figmentera said: I love this fiercely and cannot wait to see the rest! Mara is such a cool character and I love any permutation of her relationship with Vader. I feel like it's barely ever explored but it's such fertile ground. Plus there's some great glimpses at the rest of this universe, I always love that! 

Thank you! I’m having fun exploring their relationship, though because it’s me and this story seems to keep growing, it may be a while before I have it finished. I’m kind of envisioning it as a side story to the main DAV storyline. It’s going to span pretty much the entire timeline, almost from the beginning of Anakin’s double agent career all the way to the death of the Emperor, but Mara’s story line is really running in parallel with the rest, rather than intertwining.

@frostbit-sky said: I still have to catch up, or really I should start again and binge read DAV, but I love 💗  the inclusion of Mara and encourage you to add this to actual fic. 

At this point I’m pretty sure I’ve talked myself into including it, so you will likely get your wish. :)

@clockworktea said: people who care Very Much except they have no idea how to express this even to themselves! finding allies and immediately adopting them as Family! kadee the ex-torture droid turned fiercely overprotective aunt gives me LIFE and ''yes master' she whispered' just OUCH mates the levels of mindscrew (is he her slaveowner or is she his padawan or apprentice) (haha jokes on anakin the answer is up to you as long as it's painful) anyway yes good fia is back MORE ANGSTY GENFIC FOR ME MORE PLATONIC DEEPLY MEANINGFUL RELATIONSHIPS TO ENJOY MORE CHARACTERS WHO ARE TRYING THEIR BEST TO GET HEARTBROKEN OVER ...... hang on a second this was all a trap wasn't it 

*Megamind goattee stroking face* You’ve fallen right into my trap!

In all seriousness, though, I’m delighted to see people getting excited about genfic! I still remember the days in fandom when writing genfic was like releasing words into the void.

Damaged people trapped in horrible circumstances and being insistently human to one another in spite of that is kind of my brand at this point, so I’m glad that’s holding up I guess.

I think basically everything Palpatine does in relation to Vader is a mindscrew on at least one level, but calling him the “Master of the Inquisitors” is definitely a master stroke on his part (if you’ll pardon the pun).

[sidereal-fantasies]

My Neverland

[Lee Minhyuk]

Scenario Time! w/ Siren!Reader

Genre: Royalty AU (Continuation?), still not fluff

WARNING(S): Like always, if you stumble upon anything you think is a trigger, please tell me so I can tag it up here. Other than that, IMPLIED DEATH

Sypnosis: Prince Minhyuk always knew that he never wanted to be confined to the castle walls. However, he still has yet to find his neverland away from a crumbling home.

If Hyungwon was the delicate rose of the kingdom, Minhyuk was the tempting thorn hidden amongst soft petals. 

He was the third prince of a glorious kingdom. He was the kingdom’s representative in overseas conferences, charming his way into alliances and cutting down those in his way. A handsome prince who stole the hearts of many and tempted those that are easily swayed to prick their fingers on the toxic thorn.  He was a man who desired to travel the vast oceans to satisfy his craving to break the invisible shackles he wore for his kingdom. A kingdom that should feel like his home. 

Yet, it never felt like it.

Minhyuk knew when things would begin to unravel much before everyone else around him even had the thought that something was seemingly off. It was like a sixth sense. He could see the glass floor in front of him with every crack growing ever so slightly until it can’t support the weight of the kingdom anymore. One by one, Minhyuk would watch everyone fall through, never once thinking that he himself would fall with them. That, and jealousy was not an uncommon sight to Minhyuk. He expected it ever since he could first comprehend the thought of succession and how it would be passed down to the firstborn. He held no interest in the throne to begin with unlike other individuals who craved it. Yet, while he may have been able to see that green aura radiate off some of his brothers, he couldn’t predict which one would strike first.

But perhaps he was blinded by his own desire to escape than to realize who was desperately trying to reach out to him.

“Minhyuk-hyung,” the fourth prince called out.

Minhyuk turned around to see Kihyun staring at him with furrowed eyebrows. “You’re worried again. Did Hyunwoo-hyung go down to the training grounds again?”

“No— you know how Hyunwoo is now-a-days,” Kihyun scolded before clearing his throat. “I just wanted to ask you if you really want to go on this trip.”

Minhyuk chuckled softly at the shorter male. “Of course I want to. Why would I begin to have doubts?”

Kihyun began to dig his nails into the palms of his hands, thinking and trying to approach this question with caution. He knew how much Minhyuk loved the sea, yet superstition was getting to him lately. Peculiar scenes haunted him at night. Blood splatter and pained screams kept him awake at night. It was an omen, he thought. Perhaps an omen for my future. Kihyun knew the logical choice was to accept the fate of always being fourth in line, but he hasn’t truly committed to any side of this family feud. Much like how Minhyuk wanted to escape the troubles altogether by getting lost at sea.

“I don’t think the waves will be as kind to you on this trip as they always have been. A storm may be on the way,” Kihyun warned.

The corners of Minhyuk’s lips fell into a frown before he let a tired sigh slip out. 

“I’ve dealt with storms before!” Minhyuk exclaimed, much to the shorter one’s dismay. “Look, if it’s because you think I should stay and help sort this family quarrel, it’s a little too late to be speaking about that with me.”

“This isn’t just some argument that can blow over. We’re in war with our own brothers!” Kihyun snapped. The pent-up tension caused the two to cease immediately. “I already know I can’t stop you, but that can’t stop me from at least trying to do so,” Kihyun retorted.

“And tried you did, brother. Try harder next time,” Minhyuk hissed.

Kihyun watched the taller male walk away without another word spoken. He was fuming at this point, but not at Minhyuk’s final choice, but at himself for being able to convince him of the ominous feeling that followed closely behind him.

The next morning drifted by and Minhyuk had sailed out without any proper farewell or promise of returning. Anger was still present in the prince’s being, fueling him to act much more coldly towards some of his crew. His blood continue to boil as his heart took it’s final turn away from those that he once called his brothers.

The day quickly passed by with Minhyuk and his crew of a few dozen still out in the middle of the sea. Night fell silently upon them, painting the sky in black and scattering multitudes of white speckles across the endless canvas. A slight cool breeze accompanied by the stillness of the waves rocked majority of the crew members to a gentle slumber while others enjoyed a glass of liquor below the deck. While a little alcohol would never hurt him, Minhyuk chose not to indulge himself and managed to sneak past the drunk members to the deck to enjoy some time to himself. However, it seemed someone else had the same idea as Minhyuk.

Minhyuk’s heart stopped the moment his eyes landed on your figure. He wasn’t sure how you had gotten on the ship for he never saw you at all during the day. His first assumption was that you were most likely tasked with some unknown job that unfortunately required you to be away from others, but even then it still doesn’t make sense to him. The attire you wore, a pure white silk that draped over your limbs and glided through the air like winter’s first snowfall, was not like the maidens that accompanied him. He couldn’t tear his eyes away from you as you continued to dance in the dim moonlight, seemingly unaware of his presence. Ghostly, was one way he would describe it. You carried an aura of mystery and temptation that he wanted to unravel for himself, but there was another tug in his heart that was begging him to turn around and walk away. Something was off. He knew it, yet he remained in his place.

He cleared his throat and watched you spin around to face him. Your facial features remained soft, eyebrows slightly raised, surprised to see Minhyuk standing there, but you didn’t falter in composure at all. The moonlight seemingly enhanced your entire being instead.

“You’re upset, darling. Could you tell me why?” you inquired as you approached the slightly tense male.

Minhyuk’s heart began to pick up some speed as the distance between the two of you decreased.

“Who are you?”  Minhyuk demanded.

A coy smile tugged at the corners of your rosy lips as your fingertips rose and gently caressed his cheek.

“Would you believe me if I said I was a siren’s ghost? Trapped for eternity to tempt the troubled sailors to take the plunge in the murky darkness below?” you asked, your voice barely above a whisper. Minhyuk narrowed his eyes as he brushed your hand away. “And how can I trust you if you won’t give me a name at least.”

A soft sigh left your lips, ghosting the side of his cheek as you leaned away slightly. “And how long will you be able to remember it before it slips your mind like all the tiny trinkets lost at sea?” Minhyuk arched an eyebrow, wordlessly giving his answer through his unwavering gaze.

“Sirens are like the devils of the sea, my prince. You ask for their name and you unwillingly pay the price with your soul,” you teased. “It’s [Name]. That’s my name,” you added with a honey-like tone.

“You made it so much more complicated than it needed to be, darling,” Minhyuk responded as he watched you suddenly twirl away.

“Life is complicated, Prince Minhyuk. Not everything can be handed on a silver platter.”

His heart picked up a faster tempo. Temptation was just at the tip of his tongue as he kept a careful eye on your swaying form. The loose white fabric traveled and flowed like the calm waves below, making you seem like a ghost of a sailor’s past. Did he want to indulge? Was it the sweet voice that was luring him ever so slowly?

“Even then, why are you here? Surely, there’s nothing that interesting other than the night sky for someone who seems as free-spirited as you,” Minhyuk mused.

You stopped and leaned against the railing of the ship. “But there is something interesting here. Why would a prince like you want to run away from your brothers?” you inquired.

Minhyuk frowned once more as he cautiously approached you. He stood on your right side and peered over the railing, down at the black sea that was carrying his ship. The waves thrashed, but never once did they show any kind of threat that Kihyun had mentioned the day before.

“You’re well informed about me and well in-tune with my emotions, so I guess you already know the answer,” Minhyuk retorted.

You turned your gaze up towards the star-speckled sky, a light smile gracing your lips. “You’re quite infamous amongst the seven seas,” you commented before breathing out a soft sigh. “It wouldn’t be a fun conversation if I keep speaking for you. You also wouldn’t be able to release all that pent-up energy either.”

Minhyuk’s gaze glanced down at your hand for a split second. “You should know then that my kingdom isn’t going to last then.”

“It’s a shame,” you responded with a slight pout. “You could have just taken the crown for yourself. But instead, you chose to sail off, not caring about the reputation you may have now if your kingdom were to survive this little war. It’s a shame, really.”

Minhyuk chose not to defend himself as he lowered his gaze towards the dark sea below. What was there to defend if it was true, anyways? He chose to run away, knowing that no one would make it out alive, knowing that there will always be a missing piece once the war ended, and knowing that it wouldn’t matter who would win for he will always be the third prince, destined to be tied down and used as an instrument for personal gains.

“But it’s still admirable,” you added.

Minhyuk perked up, only to see you now gazing at him with sincerity written on your lips.

“It’s admirable because you chose to take your destiny into your own hands,” you suddenly made a move and grasped his hands in your own. “You chose to face reality and change that destiny to make it your own. You chose to run off to Neverland in hopes of having a happy ending and here you are, Minhyuk, doing just that while your brothers bet their lives in some petty war. So don’t worry about what your kingdom might say about you. Just keep running towards your Neverland.”

Minhyuk’s heart ceased beating for a moment as you leaned closer. His hands gave yours a light squeeze as he tried to predict your next move. Yet, he couldn’t. His thoughts blurred and crossed over each other, becoming more and more muddled by the second. Chills barely touched his skin, chasing away any source of heat that his body retained. Were his senses heightened or numbed at this point? Your soft lips brushed the side of his cheek, leaving ghostly kisses and tickling sensation behind.

“I gave you a warning, didn’t I, my prince?” you whispered. “A siren’s price for their name is your soul.”

Minhyuk’s blood ran cold. His vision blurred at the corners while his strength fled his body, leaving him to lean against the railing of the ship, heaving in as much air as he could as he broke into a cold sweat.

“You’ll join me now, won’t you? Down in Neverland where no one will ever find you?”

Minhyuk couldn’t even curse out the siren just as his mind went blank. The next thing he knew, a cold, wet sensation consumed his entire being.

“My king! We have finally received some news on your brother’s whereabouts! But-” the messenger quickly closed his mouth at the sight of Hoseok leaning back in his chair. Slowly, he proceeded with wide eyes and cautious steps to place the letter on the desk before he scurried out of the room.

Hyunwoo exhaled softly as he grabbed the parchment and his letter-opener. “Maybe Minhyuk was one of the lucky ones out of all us, after all,” Hoseok commented as he watched Hyunwoo slowly open the letter.

“To escape and be known by the kingdom as either a traitor or a lost prince? Seems very cruel to me.” Hyunwoo carefully pulled out the parchment and examined the cold wax seal pressed deeply in the middle. 

“You know what I mean. He’s always wanted to run away with some unknown lover. Knowing him, he probably already had one and a plan to escape anyways. This would have been his perfect chance to find his neverland,” Hoseok chuckled.

Hyunwoo spared a glance at the second prince before he broke the seal and unfolded the paper. The two of them always teased Minhyuk about his rather fairy tale-like expectations of love. The thought of it now made almost smile if it weren’t for the subtle realization that this letter handed to him. This isn’t Minhyuk’s handwriting, he thought with a frown. That frown continued to deepen with every second passing as he scanned the letter.

Hoseok mirrored Hyunwoo’s expression, his heart already sinking at the possible content the letter held. “You have that face again,” he noted. Hyunwoo simply shrugged his shoulders in acknowledgement, causing Hoseok to also frown even more in response. He leaned forward with narrowed eyes. “What happened this time?”

“This isn’t exactly about where Minhyuk is currently,” Hyunwoo remarked.

Hoseok arched an eyebrow. “What do you mean? What happened to Minhyuk?”

Hoseok’s heart pounded against his chest as Hyunwoo held the parchment out towards him. The second prince immediately took the parchment out of Hyunwoo’s hands into his own, not being able to mask the unsteadiness that suddenly overcame. 

“This can’t be true,” Hoseok murmured under his breath after a few seconds. “Hyunwoo, it has be some sick joke.”

The eldest sucked in a deep breath as he rested his forehead in the palm of his hand. Hoseok watched as Hyunwoo got up from his seat and approach the wilting rose sitting on the window sill. The two princes remained silent for a while with only Hoseok’s quiet attempts in stopping his tears interrupting the sorrowful silence every now and then. It was Hyunwoo who first broke the pause as he took the dying rose out of its vase.

“It seems that Minhyuk finally found his Neverland.”

[villainousshakespeare]

For the Price of a Book An (eventually) smutty Loki Fairy Tale

Summary: In the days before the events of Thor I, Loki inadvertently comes upon a female servant being punished by a pair of guards. Her crime? Stealing a book from the rooms she was tasked to clean. Curiosity captured, he decides to break through the shy exterior by any means necessary.

Work in progress, multiple chapters

Pairing: Loki/OFC

Warnings/tags: Some allusions to attempted/prevented rape in the beginning. (not by Loki) Eventual Romance, Angst, Sex, Fluff, Eventual Smut, Pre-Thor (2011)Master/Servant, Loki (Marvel) Has Issues, Dom Loki (Marvel), Feels, Romance, Loki (Marvel) Angst

AO3 Link: Chapter 1

This was not supposed to be her life, Lysse thought in despair. It was not that she was opposed to hard work - indeed, she had toiled away all her life, but she had always done so with her mind. Raised in a seat of learning and educated by the finest tutors, who also happened to be her family, she had grown up with the understandable expectation that her life would also be in academia. Books were all she knew, all she was good at. They were meant to be her life.

So to find herself now reduced to a chambermaid in the Palace of Asgard was an absolute horror. It wasn’t the work that was the problem. Alright, yes, she was not fond of scrubbing floors or doing laundry for pompous nobles with more free time than they could fill. Who would be? But she could endure it. She could even endure the contempt in the eyes of those she waited on. Plenty of the gentry who came to the University to be educated had nothing but disdain for the teaching class who worked thanklessly to try and hammer some semblance of knowledge into their over-bred minds. Sneers from lordlings and ladies were nothing new to her. 

No, the problem for Lysse came at the end of the day. When she at last put down her rags and buckets and returned to the servants’ quarters, she inevitably wanted to weep. There was not a single thing there to read. It was no surprise, really. The vast majority of servants at her level were illiterate. But to Lysse, for whom the worlds of her stories were as real if not more so than the world around her, it felt like death.

Lysse would lie there on her cot, staring at the ceiling and pine for the literature that had been her lifelong refuge. No one understood, but that was nothing new. No one had ever understood her need to escape, to travel to distant lands through the words emblazoned on a page and to live out dreams she would never dare in actuality. But now she was stuck, living out this one dreary nonexistence with no escape to be offered. None of the other maids had ever owned a book. They all thought her addled and avoided her.

When word came a few weeks into her servitude, weeks that seemed as years to the clever girl, that one of the young lords living in the palace had requested her for a parlor maid, Lysse had been over the moon. It was a huge promotion, and earned her the instant spite of those she worked with. Lysse hardly noticed their enmity, as they had never been kind to her to begin with. All she cared about was that she would be allowed upstairs. True, most of the time she would spend tending to Lord Fandrall’s rooms, but she would also run errands for him, occasionally accompany him outside of the palace, and she would at least be in the company of those with curious minds, even if only as their servant.

Her first day in his employ went well. Lysse was shy and tongue tied as always around the handsome blond warrior. She wished once more that she could be as clever vocally as she was in her brain. She was never at a loss internally for a thought or an opinion, but as soon as the opportunity arose to share it aloud with someone else her tongue seemed to be made of lead and her words ran away from her. Still, Lord Fandrall seemed pleased with her, and she was able to listen in when he spoke over a light lunch with a dark haired noble woman. Their talk didn't particularly interest her, being composed as it was of battle gossip, but at least it was something.

As the week wore on, it became alarmingly clear why the young lord had requested her presence, and Lysse began to feel panic. On more than one occasion, she had caught him staring at her with a look in his eye that she dreaded. It was not that she didn't think he was handsome, he was undeniably so (if not particularly her taste), but Lysse had learned early that nothing good came of it when a noble lordling dallied with a servant. The last thing she needed was to become embroiled with her master. As his hands began to wander when she stepped near to him over the next few days, grazing as though by accident over her rear or across her breasts, Lysse began to feel trapped. To leave his employ would be to go back to the cold, dark world of the servants quarters with no reprieve. It would also be sure to offend Lord Fandrall, and he would have no difficulty making Lysse's life miserable should he choose, even were she not assigned to him. On the other hand, he was making no effort to hide the fact that he found her avoidance of his attentions an amusing game, but that he expected it to end sooner rather than later.

"Tonight, Lysse, I will be going on an over night trip to Reigdorn," he told her offhandedly one afternoon as she served him lunch. "You will need to pack a bag for me."

"Yes, my Lord," she responded dutifully, rejoicing inwardly. The longer he was gone, the longer she would have to come up with a way to deflect his attentions.

"You should pack one for yourself as well," he added with a smirk. "It gets cold on the road, so I've decided to take you with me for warmth. I'll meet you in the stables at sundown."

Lysse tried to keep the terror off of her face as she nodded to the floor. Fandrall merely chuckled and strode out of the room, off to do whatever it was that amused him all day. 

Lysse was horrified. No matter how she told herself that it would not be so bad, she could not bring herself to the point where she was willing to submit to his advances. The very thought made her blood run cold. As she packed his bag and prepared everything for his departure, the truth kept ringing out in her head. She was not going to do it. She would go back to the dungeon of the servants quarters if she must, but she was not going to be the easy conquest of a smug lord just because she had managed, through no fault of her own, to fall on hard times. When sundown came, she decided, Lord Fandrall would find his bag neatly packed in the stable, but Lysse would not be there. She would leave the palace and seek employment else where. She should never have come here to begin with. Lord Fandrall might be angry, but he had no true interest in her beyond a passing fancy.

It was very possible that she might have gotten away with her plan, were it not for her one great weakness. As she was putting the last items in the satchel for the lord, Lysse's eyes happened upon a book that lay, discarded, on the back of his chest of drawers. It was a book of fables, and from the look of it the binding had never even been opened. Longingly, Lysse ran her hand over the spine. She realized that this was the only book she had seen in Lord Fandrall's room, and she opened it in curiosity. On the inside cover was scrawled the sentence, "Fandrall, perhaps this will instill in you some sense of curiosity. Many happy returns, Loki."

Lysse couldn't help herself, looking around foolishly as though someone might be lurking in the shadows, she tucked the book under her arm and, grabbing the satchel, left the room.

***

Loki sat on his balcony studying the book laid out before him. The spell described on the page open on his table was incredibly complex, and he had been trying to perfect it for days. It wasn’t often he had to do much more than glance over a set of instructions to be able to complete any given spell, which made his difficulty with this particular incantation infuriating. He hated not being perfect at anything, usually choosing to avoid those activities that gave him the most difficulty. He was naturally gifted at enough things that this didn’t limit him unduly. But when it came to sorcery he refused to admit that there was any spell he couldn’t master. 

Closing his eyes to aid in his centering, Loki drew a deep breath and envisioned the transformation in his mind. He was almost there, he could feel it. This time he had it! So when a piercing, high pitched scream tore through the air and startled him out of his concentration, he was ready to do violence.

Upending his table with a wave of his hands as the shrieking continued, Loki surged to his feet and disappeared off his balcony in a flash of green. A moment later he was in the gardens below, tracking the sound through a maze of flora. He would find the source of the caterwauling and make them regret even having a mouth with which to disturb his work. 

He did not have to go far before he discovered the offenders of his peace. In a small clearing, two burly guardsmen had third person pinned to the ground. As Loki approached the men, a scream rose from the obviously a female captive they had trapped between them. Loki stopped a few paces away and curled his lip in distaste, not caring for what he had obviously walked in on. 

The woman in question managed to turn her head away from where a burly, red bearded warrior was pressing his mouth to her lips, eyes wide with fear and anger.

“Help me!” She cried as her eyes met his, desperation in her voice. "My Lord Prince, please!"

Loki could understand her alarm. Her dress had been torn down the front, showing an enticing amount of cleavage. One arm was twisted beneath her, the other pulled over her head and held in place by the hulking man, while his companion was in the process of raising her skirt. At her plea for help the two men stiffened and turned to look at him where he lounged against a tree at the entrance to the clearing. 

"Oh, Prince Loki, it's only you," said the one by her head, relief flooding his face. "For a moment I feared it was someone important."

Loki felt his teeth clench and his temper prickle at the insolent disrespect in the guard's voice. The fact that he was not unused to it did not lesson his ire.

"Indeed," he said in a voice dripping with contempt.

"Please, My Lord Prince," the woman on the ground begged again, huge blue eyes pleading with him. "Please don't let them do this!"

"Ignore her," the man holding her legs pinned advised, giving the struggling girl a quick glare. "This need not concern you."

"On the contrary," Loki corrected him in clipped tones, "it concerns me greatly. I was in the middle of something important when the shrieking of this... female interrupted me. It had taken me days to get to where I was, and now I will have to begin again."

The woman gasped at his remark, and he spared her a quick flick of his eyes. What did she expect? That he play the knight errant and demand satisfaction for their besmirching of her honor? Clearly she had the wrong brother. Still, he did not like to see bullies attacking an obviously weaker target.

"Forgive us, my lord," the first guard said, with an ill conceived roll of his eyes. "It was not our intent to disturb you. It will not happen again. I am sure we can find a way to make sure the thief stays quiet."

The guard's leer left little doubt what he meant by the words, but Loki's interest had been piqued by something else.

"Did you say thief?" he asked. Looking down at the girl he could not imagine a more unlikely suspect. The wide blue eyes were dangerously innocent, and the whole appearance of her, torn dress and distracting cleavage not withstanding, was of nothing more than a lovely young school mistress.

"I did, my lord. We apprehended her trying to leave with Lord Fandrall's belongings."

"There she is!" a voice from behind him called, and as if summoned from the beyond, Loki turned to see Fandrall stride into the clearing along with Thor.

"My Lords!" the two guards instantly leapt to their feet, bringing their poor prisoner with them, and bowed before Loki's brother and his companion. Loki gnashed his teeth, not so much at the response, but at the clear disrespect of their not giving the same consideration to him.

"Brother. Gentlemen," Thor nodded to the men. "What is going on here?"

"Theft, Lord Prince," the smaller man hurriedly proclaimed as the girl struggled to pull her dress together.

"Lysse?" Fandrall asked, looking to the girl.

Clearly scared beyond speech, Lysse merely shook her head and stared at the ground. 

"Brother, is this true?" Thor asked, turning to Loki.

"I know not," he sighed, wishing he had never gotten involved in this whole tawdry affair. "I heard a commotion in Mother's garden and came to discover the source and put an end to it. I found these two... noble guards with the woman pinned between them, struggling to free herself."

"Who is she?" Thor asked, voice full of command.

"My parlor maid," Fandrall answered, looking hard at the girl. "Her name is Lysse. You say she stole from me?"

"She did, my Lord," the burley guard confirmed. "We found her trying to sneak out of the palace grounds through the hidden garden gate. When we searched her, we discovered your belongings."

"A grave crime indeed," Thor said seriously. "Why did you not bring her to the Head of House?"

"We, we thought to save her that disgrace, My Lord Prince," the small man replied, looking for an excuse. "We had Lord Fandrall's property back, we thought we would... teach her a lesson, scare her, you know, and then toss her out."

"How very kind of you," Loki drawled, seeing the smaller of the two turn red.

"Hush Loki, I'm sure they were just doing their duty," Thor tried to ease the situation, totally missing the obvious. "Fandrall, she's your girl, what say you?"

"What is it she stole from me?" the blond man asked, eyes wandering over the expanse of chest Lysse was unable to hide.

"This, my Lord," the large guard replied, pulling a large book out of the knapsack to one side of the clearing.

"A book?" Loki asked, voice dripping in disbelief. "Fandrall, I didn't realize you could read!"

Thor burst out in a big, booming laugh and the guards echoed him uncertainly. Loki looked closer at the book, realizing that he recognized it. Of course! It was a book of fables he had given his "friend" on his most recent birthday. Turning to stare at the girl, he saw that her face was flushed and she was worrying at her lower lip with her teeth in distress.

"Do what you think best with the girl," Fandrall said stiffly, angry now from the mockery of his friends and the guards. "I want no thieves in my employ."

"But by Odin's beard," Thor added, looking around, "don't make such a ruckus in my Mother's garden!"

Loki heard the girl whimper as the guards exchanged wolfish grins. Turning, his eyes caught hers again, and he was met by those endless pools of deep blue. The entreaty in them seemed to go straight down to Loki's soul. Glancing back at Thor and Fandrall, he saw that they had already turned and begun discussing something else, the fate of the unfortunate servant all but forgotten. The guards, clearly assuming this gave them leave to have their way with her, began dragging their captive off.

"Wait!" Loki heard his voice ring out, surprising even himself. "You will take the girl to my quarters."

"My Lord?" the smaller guard asked.

"You heard me," he barked, trying to ignore the way they all turned to stare at him. "As of this moment, she is a member of my household staff."

[anchanted-one]

Eternal War. 26. Battle of Asylum II

Read on AO3

Lana watched Arro recuperating in his Kolto Tank. It was such a good thing that Koth had insisted on getting these installed first! The wound Arcann gave him would have been fatal under ordinary circumstances. Arro would have died right there if not for Valkorion.

That realization shattered Lana’s heart. She better than most had known that Arro was not the unstoppable whirlwind popular tales made him out to be; that behind his accomplishments, he was only mortal, that he could be beaten. Or she thought she had known. She should have known. Instead, she had so strongly believed in his strength to save them all— just as he had before, so many times— that she saddled him with the entire burden of fighting Arcann by himself, even though he had been so sick; so vulnerable. He ought to have been in bed for at least another three weeks and she’d had him running around meeting his new allies and attending meetings. If he had been better rested, just a little, then today would have turned out differently. Arcann might have even been defeated!

Instead, Arro was barely alive and only just hanging on. Seeing him like this made her— for what felt like the first time— see Arro not as a Jedi, not as a hero, but as Arro . A man. Her man. It made her sick to think that she might have failed to make that basic distinction. Of course he was just an ordinary man, still in recovery, and she had asked far too much of him. If not for the unknown whims of a ghost, Lana would have lost the Love of her life today.

“Valkorion,” Lana whispered. “I don’t know if you are listening, or if you will choose to respond, but thank you. If not for you—” She shuddered. “If not for you, my husband would be—he would be dead.” She swallowed. “But the destruction you caused today will haunt him, forever.”

She waited for a response. But none came. The Emperor only spoke to her that one time because He had deemed it necessary. She was nothing to Him. Arro was all that mattered for some reason.

“But I don’t understand; why Arro? Why have You chosen to take up residence in his mind? If You don’t need him to survive, why take such a direct role in keeping him alive? Aiding him the way You did is different from sitting back and enjoying the show.”

She fancied she heard mocking laughter in response. The hours ticked by in silence, and she was content to wait. To wait and watch. For once, she didn’t care about her responsibilities, even responsibilities on both hers and Arro’s behalf. She wanted to know that Arro was recovering, not just through their bond, or through the Force, or through reports, but by watching over him. When Senya had tried to take her to the bridge for a quick recap of events, she had given such a snarl a rancor would have shirked from, before apologizing for her response.

Arro stirred in his tank, and his eyes opened slightly. “Hey you!” She smiled, heart soaring. The breathing mask made it difficult to be sure, but the bond was more than enough for her to know that he had smiled back weakly in response. She felt a powerful and warm emotion flowing from his heart, and the words formed: I love you so much!

She laughed giddily. Seeing him open his eyes after such an injury made her feel so jubilant!

Don’t tell me it’s been another five years? “Two days, give or take. I wasn’t sure you’d ever wake up.”

She removed her gauntlets and placed a pale hand on the transparisteel. Arro reached out and placed his on the opposite side. Lana giggled uncontrollably—this was straight out of the cheesiest romance stories! But it certainly held such magnificent significance when living the scene. “Arro, my Heart: I am so sorry. I don’t know if we will have a moment to talk when we arrive, so I need to say this now. Seeing the damage you suffered at Arcann’s hand; it shook me to my very core. It should have killed you. I got you working as soon as you were out of Carbonite when I should have given you longer to recover. I told you about how bad things were before you had even been free a day. I forced you to start thinking like a warrior even though you needed to focus on recovery. When we reached Asylum I shouldn’t have made you run around and meet allies like we did. I shouldn’t have placed the burden of fighting Arcann on your shoulders alone. Please forgive me. I will never take you or your sacrifices for granted ever again.”

Arro blinked in his tank, and Lana felt his arms wrap around her. You did what you had to do, and none of this is your fault. If you hadn’t gotten me in the frame of mind in time, I’d never have been able to run from Vaylin, or I’d have had to face Arcann while in a recovery tank, and then where would I be? There were no right calls, but you made the best ones available to you. Thank you. She Felt his kiss on her cheek. You have no idea how amazed I am that someone as incredible as you loves me!

Sighing, Lana leaned against the glass, hand still opposite Arro’s, and settled in to just… be with him. This was a day for cliches!

*

“How many?”

“My Love—”

“Please?”

Lana swallowed hard, tears forming around the corners of her eyes. “We might never get an accurate count, it was that chaotic. But SCORPIO witnessed it, and she estimates anywhere between twelve and twenty standard capacity vessels being destroyed. That could mean as many as 50000 casualties. The Lightning also struck thirty two Eternal Warships, opening up a massive hole in the formation that allowed hundreds of other ships to escape.”

But it came as no surprise that her Jedi found that poor consolation. “I should never have believed Valkorion,” He whispered, his face contorted in horror.

“He saved your life,” Lana said, just as softly. “Even I couldn’t have done anything for you. Even I had lost hope when I saw Arcann strike you. You were fading fast, moments from death, until He intervened.”

His gaze still empty, he nodded.

He had been released from the tank an hour ago, and was in the Common Lounge, where he had requested to meet his friends. And Ranking Officers. That meant Lana, Koth, Senya, Lem, and the Zakuul Knights, but also included Theron and Major Jorgan of Havoc Squad. There was also a Rattataki woman who he recognized as one of Doctor Archibahn Kimble’s many exes, but one who thought him beneath her. She introduced herself as Kaliyo, and she made Koth and the Zakuulans bristle in barely contained anger.

“This is exactly how he killed Darth Prowle,” Theron said. “He got lucky, and he seized the moment. He got lucky with his Father too, when he captured you. And now he almost killed you the same way. He is an opportunist. But that gives us an opportunity too. Internal security captured your duel with Arcann and his Knights. Every last second. Just like with Prowle, we get to show the Galaxy that Arcann isn’t the implacable but honorable Conqueror he pretends to be. Every last bit of doubt we can throw at his image, the better it’ll be for us.”

“What happened?” Senya asked. “This all began when Heskal invited you over for Scion Tea.”

“Arcann said that he betrayed us,” Arro said. “That he was the one that told Arcann where to find us.”

“But that makes no sense!” Senya said. “He hated Arcann! Loathed him deeply! Do you think he was lying?”

“Well, you received a recorded message from him shortly after the battle,” Koth spoke up. “I haven’t seen it yet. I mean it wasn’t addressed to me.”

“TeeSeven, can you play it for us?” Arro asked, and the little Astromech complied.

A small blue hologram of Heskal appeared in the air. “And so it begins, just as I foresaw. You will regroup and your leg will heal. It is a wonder you escaped with something as simple as this. After that you will kill Arcann, and Vaylin, and her Dark Sith Shadow… many innocents will also die but this is what must be so. Know that this was necessary to hasten his fall. Without this you and your allies would have remained a small band of rebels rather than a determined army. Now you will seek battles and weapons capable of hurting him, rather than spending the next ten months debating. The Scions are still with you, and they will return when it is their turn to die.” And then it went blank.

*

Koth broke the silence that followed. “What did he mean about your injured leg?”

It was Farya who answered, with a look of profound shock. “He Saw it all wrong!” She looked at all of her fellow Knights in disbelief. “He thought that the Jedi would emerge with only an injured leg! He didn’t foresee the stab wound!”

“And what did he mean by ‘ Seeking ’ weapons?” Khoarad questioned, dark face uneasy. “We’ve already found the Gravestone! This alone is a gamechanger if we use it right. We don’t need to hide.”

“He didn’t know about the Gravestone either,” Senya guessed. “We didn’t tell them, we assumed we didn’t have to, they already knew! They certainly knew when to expect us.”

“Their spies on Zakuul would have told them when we had escaped,” Lana answered. “Though the spies probably didn’t hear anything about the Gravestone . Arcann has tried to keep it under wraps after all.”

“Spies?”

“Yes, a lot of the Scion’s knowledge came from spies, or bugs. I ran into some of them while I was on Zakuul. Having a listening device in the right place is far more valuable than relying on a power  we can barely control.”

“But…” Senya sputtered. “Spies? They relied on spies?”

“The Force is vast and vastly unknowable,” Arro said. “Even Master Zoran, or Darth Nox—both masters of lore and secrets—didn’t presume to understand it perfectly. The Voss don’t either—they acknowledge that even if visions are never wrong—and that’s a big if—interpreting them accurately is tricky.”

“The Scions relied on electronic and physical eavesdropping to get a hold of information they couldn’t divine through the Force.,” Lana continued. “They wanted to appear more all-knowing than they were. Their supposed clairvoyance is a sham.” Just like so many other things on Zakuul , she added to herself and to Arro. “With allies like them, we don’t need enemies.”

They stood around gloomily, except for Kaliyo who stood playing some holo game on her pad.

“If we’re done depressing each other, can we share the good news?” Jorgan grumbled. Yes, he looked brimming with optimism. “The Battle of Asylum showed the Galaxy that Arcann is invincible, and once Theron shows off the footage of you whooping his Guards’ collective asses they’ll be even more convinced.”

Lana nodded. “Every one of my contacts in the Core Worlds and Empire have thrown in their support behind us. We had some forces before, but now we can really call it an army. I am having them directed to a world named Odessen, which we have chosen as a base of operations. We should be landing soon, but this time I’m going to insist you get some proper rest between all meetings!” No one looked ready to argue.

“Let’s not keep them waiting.” Arro said.

“Here we go again,” Koth cheered.

*

[opulentperimetros]

Talon Hierarchy Headcanon

Alright. I’ve talked this on Discord for months but now I have a bit more solid evidence to support my theory about Talon’s hierarchy system moving from sole-leader to council, when, and how it’s been put into place. Read more, super long, kind of rambly.

In Retribution, 8 years ago, we know Antonio was heading Talon at that time based on the in-canon dialogue between McCree and Gabriel Reyes discussing the associates that Antonio had:

The first thing Reyes says is “There’s the one who will probably take over for him...” that is our note that Antonio was the one running it at this point. 

In Storm Rising, 6 years ago, the in-canon dialogue between Tracer and Sojourn states plainly that Maximilien is the one running Talon, calling into question why the omnic’s otherwise “tight-ship” had gotten sloppy, stating the new arrival on the scene of Doomfist shaking up the Talon hierarchy was responsible. 

I can’t list a screen of that dialogue since the wiki hasn’t updated yet, but it’s standard dialogue that always occurs as soon as the payload leaves the garage door to the outside.

So with this, what do we know? Let’s rehash some things first.

Antonio → Maximilien. Not Vialli After All? 

Although Reyes speculated that Vialli would take over in Retribution, this wasn’t shown to be the case two years later with Max being in charge instead according to the Storm Rising lore update. This not only goes against direct information stated in the Masquerade comic where Vialli has taken over, but also against previous stated comments in the Retribution lore as well. The comic also claims the masquerade event was for the “leaders of Talon to meet”, which further contradicts the sole-leadership position the comic also states that implies there’s already a council in place at this time. The new information from Retribution last year and Storm Rising this year just makes that more of a mess with, yet again, another claim to sole-leadership by someone else entirely, minus a council to be seen at this point. 

But that’s not surprising for Blizzard so much on lore to retcon or mix things up, it happens.  

If Max took over instead (which is what I’m going with as the new event suggests) he could’ve done it via some bartering; this isn’t all that surprising seeing Vialli is shown to be solely interested in money and Max happens to be a businessman who knows how to talk. Evidence for Vialli being money driven below: 

Between Storm Rising and present day, Doomfist ends up put in prison when he’s captured by the strike team in Numbani. According to Jeff Kaplan, the new mystery Omnic at the end of the Storm Rising mission is the head of an organization that Doomfist starts working with, one that will be what leads him to be put in prison to begin with. (You can hear that and all the new upcoming fun stuff discussed in OhNickle’s stream with him here). We don’t know what happens and why, but between Doomfist’s time in prison to now, Talon at some point went from single leadership to a council more solidly stated by Blizzard’s lore.

Some personal thoughts on that one as a side note: I fully believe Doomfist was set up, either by whatever Max says to Overwatch, or some other means. For Talon to be shaken up that badly and have whatever it is Max has done at that point be messed up? It makes sense. Especially hinted at further in the Masquerade comic by Max himself who claims not everyone agreed with Doomfist’s ideas:

To state so plainly “some others don’t agree”, then for Talon agents to suddenly strike with an otherwise calm and collected Max? Right after claiming “oh of course I agree with you, but others don’t”? It’s a perfect deflect of blame to someone else, and this part of the comic directly connects to the Vialli piece above, where Vialli plainly states he doesn’t agree with what Doomfist is doing and that Talon is going in a different (read: Not War Starting) direction. Doomfist kills him for that, and if the theory of a Max set-up is correct? Vialli opening his mouth only confirms Max’s deceit as being true with Doomfist none the wiser.

Also note, for Gabriel Reyes to have mentioned Vialli in Retribution, he didn’t know who he was by looking at him. Interesting note to make:

Now, finally, for the headcanon part of this: I personally believe Talon moved from a Sole Command style of leadership, to a council sometime before Doomfist broke free from prison as a way to subvert an otherwise forced control when he came back. I’m basing this off of my ideas for a while now, but also going with the newly released lore and not the previously put in place lore. I made note already between the stated sole-control of Vialli in the comic, and the comment made by Reyes implying someone else is taking over, that Talon at one point was being defined as a single leadership organization. With Max being now stated as the person in charge at this event, not noting anywhere there’s a council to be seen, then I’m continuing with the idea that the council is a newer  concept of collected individuals and not how Talon was always ran. 

We know currently Talon has an inner council of command of at least 15 people, the 5 known members being Maximilien, Reaper, Moira O’Deorain, Sanjay Korpal, and Doomfist. Now, Doomfist has been listed as the “de facto” leader, and we have to note the definition of de facto means “ in fact, or in effect, whether by right or not”. This is more a statement of a person coming in by force and taking over, not necessarily anything agreed on by anyone else.

It’s a smart move for Max to make Talon a council-based system. It secures his place doing what he does (the business side) while also keeping a level group of peers in place for the sake of avoiding any issues. If a group of people have control over the company, than the absence or loss of one doesn’t shake the system or cause a sudden void of chaos with people trying to fill a leadership hole that suddenly cropped up. In an organization where people have their own agendas and use Talon as the means to those ends? Expecting a leader to be arrested or killed is part of the job description. To avoid those problems, a well-established council coming into place removes that concern entirely: unless a vast majority of the council is removed at once, the organization can continue to operate without concerns or issues they can’t handle over the loss of one person.

Large corporations have bodies of people in charge of different sections that co-run everything to begin with. The CEO/President of a company for example, can’t walk in and make a massive company changing decision without the agreed on consent of the other board members who are also in charge: the CEO can be forced to step down or resign from a company trying to pull sole-leadership stunts or make decisions that effect the outside’s view of a company, it happens all the time. The CEO/President doesn’t own the company, the board does (or shareholders in the case of businesses that offer shares). Setting up a system like this insures a level of security than even Doomfist coming back and taking over, can’t necessarily overrule. 

I don’t support nor agree with the sentiment that Doomfist is the sole leader of Talon as-is without anyone elses input. A council would be pointless if his decisions were put down as law, and if someone like Maximilien is capable of pulling strings to have Doomfist thrown in prison to begin with, that isn’t the type of person who would allow himself to be put as “an adviser” of any sort. If Doomfist was sole-leader, I don’t believe Blizzard would have bothered using “inner council” but would’ve went with a less in-charge series of words like “group of advisers”. They make the noted distinction of stating Talon is “overseen”, or ran by, this inner council not stating anywhere that there’s a sole-leader running the show with some fun friends along the way:

In Conclusion, a Summary:

I headcanon, based on the new Storm Rising lore backed up by stated lore from Retribution last year, that Talon existed as a sole-leadership system that moved on to a council-based leadership system sometime after the events of Storm Rising and Doomfist being put into prison. 

I support this with what evidence I can that’s stated in the clear distinction of writing that took place prior (noting single members in charge) to the shift of rhetoric at Doomfist’s return (now noting an inner council in place).

Unfortunately, a lot of these ideas are hard to note by the sources that inspired them, especially with the Wiki sitting without updated information on it. Vialli’s page doesn’t reflect the new information about Max being in charge of Talon after Retribution at all, and neither does Max’s page. Talon’s page hasn’t updated, either, with this new information.

I also want to note a lot of the Talon information is also a bit muddled, since Talon’s creation was solidified from the start, and that lore had to be adjusted when new characters were added in at a later date that were never part of the story from the start (Moira and Doomfist both, now including Baptiste, were part of the new character roster and were not part of Talon’s original creation in the beginning. Lore has to change as new characters come in but without proper patching this makes a mess).

[kharliecelly-blog]

How to choose a paintball field in California?

After more than 25 years in the world of paintball and seeing the extensive range of Paintball Fields we are going to help you see things for yourselves so that they do not give you a hare. With all that writing we intend to explain to all the differences between one field and another and why some are more expensive and others are cheaper. The simple summary is that safety and quality cost money, and the quality of the facilities also costs money. We will see the different points to take into account when choosing a paintball field where to play.

LET'S BE REALISTIC: With the beginning of the crisis in 2012, the bargain offers began to proliferate in many paintball fields, the appearance of Groupon and the like forced the vast majority of paintball fields to lower the price by more than half. We would like to warn everyone that the only way to lower prices is to reduce the quality = Less or no monitors, lenses of masks in poor condition, less security, balls of poor quality, beer of poor quality, shortage of food, pistols in poor condition, etc ...

Iberika Paintball California only sells quality and we can boast of not having had ANY accident in the more than 20 years we have been in the Paintball sector. Many have taken advantage of the crisis by lowering prices a lot, that could be a good thing for the clients if it were not for giving them a hare. It must be clear that 5 cost factors are involved in the sale price: Rental of facilities, Maintenance of facilities, Quality of services, Monitors and the margin of the company. No matter how much crisis the rental of the facilities does not change and we are deceived, your margin will not vary but will reduce the costs of the other 3 factors.

Cheap paintball, paintball gangue, free paintball, paintball deals Reducing the cost of maintenance of the facilities implies: - Playgrounds in poor condition: in spring grow thistles, nettles, etc ... that must be cut, and that is done daily. IBERIKA PAINTBALL California: We have 3 people working all week maintaining the optimal state of the fields.

- SAFE AREAS NOT SECURE: Safety nets must be changed every year and that costs a lot of money. If they do not change they can give up when sunburned, another possibility is that the field in question does not even have networks => Zero Security (and there are many who do not have networks). You have to think that in a paintball field there are two ways to get a shot: Playing with your friends or getting a shot from another paintball court. A paintball gun is capable of shooting at 180mts. Networks are paramount even in the parking lots where the cars are. IBERIKA PAINTBALL California: We have secure areas with networks changed every year, 100% of the perimeter protected by 3m and 6m double layer networks in indoor fields: Indoor and 6m around the Parking.

Reducing the quality of services implies: - Bad condition of the MASKS: The lens of a mask must be transparent to see through it. The lens must be changed every 20 direct hits as much or every 6 months. Some fields have been open for 8 years and continue with the same lenses. The risk: the lens loses its qualities and a ball can break it with your eyes behind, on the other hand, a scratched lens through which it does not look good will make users lift it to see ... You imagine riding a motorcycle at 140km / h and lift the mask because you can not see ?. Another aspect is the cleaning, the masks must be cleaned and disinfected after each use to be able to offer a clean and hygienic mask to the clients. 98% of the paintball fields do not have running water, how are they going to clean the masks without water?

IBERIKA PAINTBALL California: Every 6 months we change all the lenses of our masks. All the mascaras are cleaned with running water after each use and disinfected with antibacterial products used in the operating rooms.

- Bad condition GUNS: That's another very important factor. Each paintball gun must be checked every week, oiled, regulated so that it ALWAYS works. If we save the person who reviews them we lower costs and lower quality because playing with guns that do not work is an annoyance: The balls get stuck, they do not shoot straight, and at the end of 100 balls bought maybe only 5 go well. A pistol in perfect condition has an effectiveness of 98%, that is, it must be able to group the balls in a radius of 1 meter at a distance of 20 meters. If at 20mts you only give 10 balls to a target of 1 meter, how many balls will you need to be able to play?

IBERIKA PAINTBALL California: Every week a mechanic checks each one of the pistols for its optimal operation. We always have extra pistols to solve any unforeseen situation. We change the gun, we do not need you to cross the entire farm.

- Bad state of the balls: Today you can find boxes of balls of 2000 balls for less than $9 / box ... And the price of a box can reach up to $80 a box at the price of professionals. If you put the cheapest paintball, where do you think this is the first savings? The problem is that cheap balls (less than $50 / box) are very inferior qualities implying: that they do not go straight (so you will need more balls to give someone), which are hard as stones and hurt more (so the people will not want to play) or that they are too fragile and break before leaving the gun (implying that you clog the gun, stop working or shoot the balls anywhere except where you want to shoot). Another important factor of the balls is the correct conservation of the same (20-22º and 50% of humidity), the balls are like fresh fish, for this, it is necessary to have as if it were a large cooler to keep the balls in their optimum conditions whatever the season may be. The balls are so important for the paintball that the brand of whiskey in a cup if it is a garage, is cheaper. Do you want a garage? In winter, 98% of the paintball fields keep the balls in the booths they have in the field and the balls cannot stand

IBERIKA PAINTBALL California: We only use high-end balls. The professional team that trains in Iberika Paintball uses the same balls that we offer to the rental clients. We have a warehouse with a controlled temperature of 60m3 capable of holding 400 boxes of balls and have the balls in optimal conditions. If we do not comply with the quality of the balls we give them to you.

- Guns without pacifier: The pacifier is essential for the safety of the participants. And those pacifiers must be changed when they wear out. Many are the fields that do not even have pacifiers for the price they have. And others make them at home with a fabric that is unable to perform its safety function. I BERIKA PAINTBALL California: All our guns carry a pacifier.

- Poor food: Many of you are looking for cheap meals, and meals with an open bar for $10 is the most, but sincerely do you think that you will be able to get it for $10? The beer will be for the Day, most likely it will be hot and sure there are not enough. As for the food, you have to be realistic: the food has to be of quality and it must be done by a cook with the necessary hygiene conditions. When it's cheap, it's your own monitor with the clothes full of paint that will make you the "food", come as we are not dogs! But it is clear that having a cook, a kitchen in minimum conditions of hygiene, running water, quality meats and quality beer .... all that costs money. The latest fashion is to give a bag of doubtful origin to the group so they can do it themselves in barbecues ... When you are 15 years old it can be fun but you are prepared to take responsibility for facilities that are not yours? In 2016 a field burned because of a barbecue that fell ... The origin of the meat is equally important and directly affects the price, meat or anything that you feed you must be traceable to control possible poisonings, we know that many are the fields that carry out their own massacres without sanitary control in order to reduce the price of meat to the maximum. Do you really want to take that risk? And if there they sell you a beer for 1.5 $how many beers will be included in a free bar with food for 10 or 15 €?

IBERIKA PAINTBALL California: We have a kitchen and cooks. The beer is always Mahou de Barril, the meat is Galician of the highest quality and very abundant. There are people who return to the countryside only for meals. In addition, seasonal peppers are added at will, we also include chips, salads, tortillas, dessert, and coffee (see each menu).

Reducing the professionalism of the monitors implies: Iberika Paintball in California - We are halfway between California and Toledo Monitors prepared or not: There is no qualification for paintball monitors, therefore you have to resort to private training that costs around $500 per monitor. Do you think that if you lower the price they form your monitors? On the other hand, a monitor of 15 years without training or experience charges 4 times less than some experienced and titled. The figure of the monitor is key to security. It is responsible for checking that there is security in every second of the game, stopping the game immediately in case of security failure, checking at all times that all wear the mask, checking that no one carries the loaded gun in the security zones, etc…

A number of monitors: Many think that if there are more there are fewer expenses. It is not like this. An experienced monitor is able to safely monitor up to 12 people if there are 14 already have to go 2 monitors, and 21 are 3 monitors. As the group grows, the risk grows. 10 people playing are 10 pistols and 10 masks to control ... 100% of the paintball accidents that have occurred in the USA have been due to insufficient or no monitor. In California, there are already 4 fields where a person has lost an eye, and those fields are still open and continue to give the same poor service, that is ... they are cheap. Legally a paintball field has no obligation to put any monitor. Iberika Paintball: All our monitors are certified by Paintball-Academy and we put a monitor for every 7/8 people. Paintball monitors are always accompanied by a Senior monitor with more than 3 years of experience.

LAST TRENDS 1 - Shorten the times to catch more people: When we thought we had seen everything, they surprised us with new stories. Now the new trend is to shorten the playing time. They sell you that you are going to play 3h or the whole day and in 60min they dispatch you as in the unemployment queue. Imagine: you throw away months organizing the event, you call the whole world, you block the day, you look for places to play paintball, you negotiate prices, etc ... all this to play a morning of paintball. You hit the mother early to be at the time they told you: 10 am. You get there, you pay and they let go of the guns and they send you to play there by yourself. At 45min they invite you to go down and take off the guns to give them to the next group ... Imagine how the face is because that same are doing several fields of California. Do not trust what seems too beautiful. They do not care what their goals are to the bill and how much better. There are also fields that when you get there they force you to buy 500 balls per person or else you can not play, etc ... These fields overbook during the peak season, they charge a lot for a nonexistent service, in October they close and next year they open with another name…

IBERIKA PAINTBALL California: The turns are of 2h30, during that time the pistol is only for you. The start and end time are the ones you have hired. We live by the publicity that our partners make us.

2 - Join the groups up to 30 people: In 2017, one had the brilliant idea of joining all the groups that he had to put them all together to play. Always selling the bike that is more fun is like a Big Game, and for that, they put you in a bigger field. But everything that glitters is not gold, rather the opposite. Joining a large group is only beneficial for the field: the cost of monitors is reduced to 1 for 30 people if there is one, tripling the cost of balls to have more people to shoot, the field ensures that even if they leave 50% of the people after the second game those who remain will spend balls. Summing up: get together in large groups has only one goal: you spend balls in a short time so you go before and before you can get more people and the bad part of playing with people you do not know is that if the impact hurts and many times people get angry among them being friends, how many shots do you think will get you if the one in front does not know you? Mixing the groups is also a way to train the competition paintball teams that often do not have anyone to train with the clients to practice aiming.

IBERIKA PAINTBALL California: We do not mix groups

3 - Two shots to eliminate a player This formula we love. In normal paintball, a player who receives an impact and stain is considered eliminated. Although it seems easy, it is not. First, the accuracy of the paintball guns is not exactly good, if the marker is at 100% of its capabilities we can calculate that to give someone 20 meters it is necessary 15/20 balls. Now: depending on the angle the ball may not break, if the player wears a lot of clothes or a vest the balls do not break, so you have to shoot more times. That is to say that in a normal paintball situation you have to calculate 25 balls to eliminate a single player. That is ... if the gun does not shoot straight we will spend more balls to eliminate someone, if the balls are too hard and no more balls will explode, if the marker does not shoot straight more balls we will spend, etc ... If we add that we have to make two shots that stain to eliminate a player, the only thing that we assure is to spend twice as many balls in half the time and that only interests the paintball field.

IBERIKA PAINTBALL California: We play traditionally with a single shot

4 - Other formulas to save at your expense: There are other factors that influence the price such as not paying suppliers, not having licenses, not having insurance, etc ... These most common factors that may seem can influence that the day you go to play or the field has no balls or Well the Civil Guard has closed the field: Every day sees more.

Every weekend we hear complaints of all kinds of what they have given to people in other paintball fields. And every weekend we are surprised more. And everyone tells us the same thing: "Why have not they warned us before?" The offers too cheap can be expensive: Either because they ruin your day of paintball with deficiencies everywhere or because they can ruin your life. We have to be realists. If paintball costs anywhere between $20 and $25, do not trust those that are cheaper. Do not trust meals with free bars for less than $10/15 per person. Do not trust meals for $10, if a Mac Donalds costs $8 / $10 with industrial raw materials, what type of food and what amount will they give you for that price? No field works under cost: NONE. So if it's cheap for something it is.

Below we will detail more points to keep in mind so that your paintball day is a success and you do not find surprises or you have all the parameters in hand to avoid hiring your event in a shabby place. ACCESS TO FINCAS (Real arrival time): Iberika Paintball in California - We are halfway between California and Toledo There goes the first way to differentiate the paintball fields. Most of them are far away from the nearest paved road. It is an important factor because many of the accesses to the paintball fields are by more or less uneven roads. And it is not the same to do 300 meters on a half-paved road, for example, to have to do 4km on a bumpy road. A road of 4km of potholes can suppose 30 / 45min of the trip, the thing to consider at the time of seeing the distance in time to which is the paintball field. You also have to think that not everyone has a car suitable for walking on roads, and it is not a plan to leave the ground to reach the site. Of course, if from the asphalt to the site there is little distance, it can be done even walking. Think that when it rains 90% of the roads become burial.

After another point to consider is the type of access road, it is not the same to do 30km of highway and 10km of interurban highway at 100km / h to take secondary roads, the number of lanes is also important, there are fields to get there to them the access roads are of a single lane and with many curves preventing overtaking. To see what real distance and time is the site you can use GPS or pages like Google Maps that will give you an approximate time of arrival. Today it is much easier to see reality, using for example Street View that puts you pedestrian view where you will be able to see every pothole of the road or approximate times of arrival. There are fields that are announced at 25min from California but do not specify with what means of transport, we imagine that it will be in a spaceship because by a car at legal speed limits and taking into account that there may be some traffic, in this case, it takes longer from 1h30. From 25min to 1h30 ...

IBERIKA PAINTBALL California: 35km of Motorway (A4 or A42 to choose - 17/20 minutes), 8km of road with limit to 100km / h (5 / 7minutos), and 300 meters of road (1 minute), road prepared with Zahra / gravel (also called rural aslfalto: as hard as concrete although it is wet and without bumps). The normal thing from California is to take about 35min

GUNS / MARKERS AND AIR SYSTEMS: Iberika Paintball in California - Tippmann 98 the best marker for field Not all paintball markers are the same. Just like when you rent a car you can choose from a 106 to a BMW. Well in paintball the difference from one marker to another is very large, there are markers that can break up to 70% of the balls before they leave the barrel. Then there are several systems: sliding and semi-automatic. The sliding markers need you to arm a slide to place a ball in the marker before you can make a shot. This system is very old and often gives the problem that many times people load twice putting two balls in the barrel and when shooting they break. The semiautomatic markers rearming themselves so you do not have to assemble the marker before each shot, it is easier to use and allows you to throw bursts of balls. Attention: There are fields that say they have an automatic marker ... First automatic weapons are prohibited according to Spanish law, on the other hand, the only automatic markers there are electronic markers whose cost can be 5 to 10 times more than a conventional rental marker, Do you really think that if it were true, I would not charge you an extra fee to use a marker of more than $500?

Another important factor is the periodic revision of the markers and the speed control of the markers before each rental. These revisions are impressible before each use, it is necessary to check the exit speed of each of the markers to ensure they are in a safe range of speed and to be within the safety range. For information purposes a mask holds shots up to 400 km / h (350fps), if the marker allows the ball to go faster it will seem more fun because the balls go further but it is really dangerous because if the lens of the Mascara the balls could hurt our eyes, losing up to 100% vision. On the other hand, the review of the internal aspects of each marker is equally important. A marker is supplied with a gas pressurized Air or CO2 with pressures of up to 200 bar, the poor condition of any internal part could lead to the explosion of any part of the marker could cause serious injury. The correct use of the marker calibration tools is the only reliable and safe way to keep the marker within the parameters of a 4th category weapon prepared to be used as a toy, the problem that many are the fields that do not review or They know how to review their material and even more those that do not have the calibration tools because of their high cost.

Iberika Paintball in California- Internal operation of a paintball marker Another factor that influences the operation of the markers is the type of gas that is used to propel the balls. There are 3 types of gas for this: Propane (not used in rental fields), CO2 (Most common), and Compressed air. Between CO2 and Compressed Air, CO2 is much more unstable and more dangerous (it can cause 3rd degree cold burns) and in winter it collaborates in breaking balls, the air is more reliable, less dangerous (as long as it is manipulated by professionals before being delivered to the end user). Then we put a box with the type of combination that is usually found in rental fields and the percentage of balls that come out intact from the cannon of the marker without having broken before and how it affects the final price of the balls shot. It will be taken as a reference price to make the calculations $6 which may be the cheapest price found. Next, we have created a table to see how the Gas / Marker combination influences the balls we shoot. If we buy 100 balls at $6 and half the balls do not leave the barrel at the end we have paid $6 for 50 balls or what is the same $12 for 100 balls. In the table you can see that a field that has Inferno + CO2 in winter will break 75% of the balls that you shoot, so that out of every 100 balls bought you will only get 25, giving a price for every 100 balls shot well $24 Beware that some fields try to alleviate the problem using balls of extreme hardness causing much more pain on impact.

IBERIKA PAINTBALL California: We use Tippmann Semiautomatics with compressed air with a technician who calibrates the markers the day before and who reviews each of the markers before use and checks the speed of each of the markers before giving the approval to rent. We have the recharges at $7 for every 100 balls. Then the instability of the CO2 as a function of the temperature and the load, we have put in red the curve corresponding to the AIR 100% constant which is the internal load and the external temperature, the safe range is the one that is between the two lines blue:

Iberika Paintball in California - Internal operation of a paintball marker BALLS: Iberika Paintball in California - Paintball balls The balls are another very important aspect when it comes to enjoying a paintball session. And the balls need special care to not lose their qualities. The balls must be stored in a warehouse with controlled temperature (20-23º) and controlled humidity (40/50%). And that throughout the year. A ball that is not kept under these conditions loses its properties and for example, in winter a ball that has lost its properties becomes much more fragile. A ball that has caught a cold in winter if we add it to a combination of Inferno + CO2 may mean a ball break rate of the order of 95-100% making it impossible to play.

On the other hand, there is an extensive range of balls from field balls to competition balls. The normal thing is that a paintball field puts balls of field or balls of average category (in fields of more level) but many give their clients what is called White Box that are balls that do not pass the quality controls. More fragile, more square, etc ... are much cheaper balls but also break more easily in the markers, which do not fly straight. They are the balls that use many fields due to the ignorance of their clients. There is also a kind of ball called SECONDS balls that are balls that are normally sold in unbranded boxes and are balls that according to the manufacturer are not suitable for use in paintball. They are balls that are normally used to use their paint for grenades, mines, etc ... These boxes are balls that can cost 4 times less than normal field balls and many fields use them and sell them as normal balls. An average ball box can cost more than three times as much as a box of white box balls and 4 to 6 times the price of a box of SECONDS balls. In 2012, China began to manufacture balls at prices of $9 for a box of 2000 balls, but with Chinese quality: balls that do not break, there was the revelation of many paintball fields: If it does not explode the customer shoots a lot more, and if they are so hard they can even pick them up from the ground to give them to the group the next day. The problem for you as a client is that they hurt a lot more, there is a very high risk of broken bones in the hands and in the end, people end up coming out of pain and not because they have been marked. That is very brave. With that, we mean that if a field lowers the price of the balls, something is, others are not willing to lower the quality of the service they provide.

IBERIKA PAINTBALL California: We use medium and high range balls, and we are the ONLY paintball field to have a 60m3 warehouse with controlled temperature and humidity allowing the balls to be maintained in their optimum conditions ALL YEAR ROUND.

PROTECTION ZONES: Iberika Paintball in California - Protection networks Within the field of play you are protected by the mask and as long as this is the case there is no risk of accident, but when you leave the field and take off your mask it is when the danger really begins. It is assumed that the field must have security zones where the eliminated ones can be protected in a protected area. But that protection should not be only a network of 3 meters high. A field with networks will always be more secure than another without them (the majority), but if the only protection there is is a 3m network you will have to be careful not to stick to the net nor be more than 3 meters behind the net. network but a ball shot above the network could reach you. The best are areas where there is a net on all four sides and a roof so that there is no chance that you will be hit with a ball. Then it is important that a network that can receive an impact less than 8 meters has a double network layer. And if two glued fields can be used at the same time it is advisable to have 6-meter networks.

IBERIKA PAINTBALL California: In the outdoor fields we have a safe area of 300m2 with protective nets and roof. In the Indoor fields, we have double nets of 6 meters high.

MORE EXPENSIVE: Iberika Paintball in California - Protective Mask The mask is another aspect to take into account when choosing a paintball field. There are many brands and many models but the differences are based on two: type of lens and type of mask. The lenses: there are thermal or simple lenses, the thermal ones allow that they do not fog due to the breathing but if there is humidity in the air they are fogged the same, and the ones of the simple lens that fog more easily. The thermal has the problem that if you put moisture inside there is no way to remove it (not suitable for playing in the rain, or in environments with high humidity). On the other hand, a thermal lens is worth 3 times more than a normal lens. Then a lens should be changed as soon as the outer surface is grated preventing a clear view of the game. By that, I mean that a field that spends money on thermal lenses will try to hold them longer. So if a mask should change the lens twice a year the fields that usually use thermal lenses change them on average once every year and a half or two years. Therefore, it will always be better to have a sharp lens that is a little fogged up to a thermal that gets a little less blurred but that is so grated that people do not see anything. (Our professional team of instructors uses normal lenses). The risk is paintball fields that use normal lenses and change lenses every 2 or 3 years, and these are more than they should. After we have masks with a helmet and without a helmet, it is clear that helmet masks are better avoiding receiving direct hits on the head.

IBERIKA PAINTBALL California: We have masks with helmet and normal lenses (they are changed every 4 months) and we use military antibao products used for diving by the GEAS and tactical environments with a high degree of humidity.

WEATHER: Iberika Paintball in California - The weather The time factor is sometimes the decisive factor especially in case of events that can not be moved date: bachelor parties and business events. Keep in mind that depending on the season of the year there may be a risk of rain, wind or a lot of heat. It is important to know that in reality, no field returns the reserve due to bad weather, some say they lend raincoats, others give people garbage bags to protect themselves from the rain, and to top it all the last thing we heard was a field that I call a group 1h before the start time telling them to go through the Chinese to buy boots if they want to play because the field was Albarado. And aside Let's not forget that bad weather often complicates access to paintball fields. IBERIKA PAINTBALL California: We have 2 indoor fields, thus ensuring that we can play at any time. If it rains you play dry, if there is a lot of wind you can shelter in the covered fields, if it is very hot you can play in the shade of the much fresher indoor fields. And the indoor allows playing at night with artificial light. In 8 years we have only closed the field on a single occasion with winds of over 120km / h. With Iberia, Paintball time is not a problem.

Then the average of temperatures and days of rain:

Iberika Paintball in California - Temperature and rainfall graph Only the days with rainfall greater than 2mm have been counted. Iberika Paintball in California - Temperature and rainfall graph MONITORS: Iberika Paintball in California - Niko Owner of Iberika Paintball Another fundamental factor when choosing your paintball field is the monitors. There are many, too many, fields that do not have that work figure in their facilities. We understand by monitor one person or several that accompany the group during their entire stay in the facilities. They must carry a cart with balls, clothes to clean, tools or markers to avoid stops. They are also responsible for monitoring the security within the field of play. They are not photographers and should be aware of 200% of what happens inside the field. The absence of a monitor implies insecurity and having to take walks to go for balls, air, etc ... and all these rides are playing time.

IBERIKA PAINTBALL California: There will always be a minimum of 1 monitor for every 7 people in each group. We also have a person in the cafeteria, a technician in the air recharge station and a person in the reception, and a field director in charge of the organization. All this so you do not have to worry about anything.

BATHS AND SHOWERS: Many are the fields of Paintball that announce that they have showers and bathrooms in their facilities but it is necessary to clarify that many calls to a hose of well with shower type garden "a shower" and a shovel and paper "a bathroom". In order to have showers and baths it is necessary to have access to running water, since well water is not usually appropriate for showering because of its high percentage of iron and other minerals and bacteria, taking into account that point we can rule out that 98% of The paintball fields do not have running water and therefore do not have proper water for showering. On the other hand, we understand how to shower a shower with cold and hot water, that last point already discards those that remain. Since to have hot water you have to have either a water heater and not a small one of 100L (which would only allow a few minutes of the shower) or a heater capable of giving water so you can all shower. Therefore do not let yourself be deceived by the word "shower": it has to have 4 walls, hot and cold water and above all, it is running water. Do not ask that you have changing rooms, heating, etc ... that at the moment the sporting aspect of paintball has not reached much. Visit HERE to see the testimony of a farewell client in a paintball with surprise.

IBERIKA PAINTBALL California: We only have a shower but the water is running water, the walls of the shower are made of tiles and the wooden floor, and the hot water goes through a gas water heater allowing no problem to give water for as many showers as do missing.

MEALS AND BARBACOAS: Iberika Paintball in California - The best barbecues Another aspect to take into account and where there are more deceptions. First, check the amount of what you are going to eat. It has been seen in more than one place that they charge a lot for very little food and many times it is not specified. Then you have to see who makes the food, because it would not be the first time it is the same paintball monitor filled with mud and paint, who starts doing the barbecue by pressing the sausages on an agricultural gallows made of iron that is not very hygienic, and If what you like is charcoal it may be a good option but honestly food costs money and having people who know how to make good food also counts. Check the amount of food that will serve (not in trays but in kilos) the amount of alcohol that will serve, and brands. For me to serve a carrefour beer to eat is an insult to intelligence, I have seen fields thawing food in the seat of a car, while we played, to make the barbecue, others hire trays in a bar next door and pay in front of you half of what they charge you, etc ... IBERIKA PAINTBALL California: We have menus from $3 to $65, we have a kitchen, 4 barbecues 1m wide, an industrial iron and two cooks that only serve food and waiters that will serve food and drink to the table. The beer will always be Mahou and the Galician butcher's meat very fresh and nobody has ever left hungry, we could almost say that there is a free bar of meat since in the dinner menu, for example, 1kg of meat is counted per person, and in season we offer standard peppers in quantity for dinners.

STATUS OF FIELDS AND WEB PHOTOS: Iberika Paintball in California - Night games This is one of the aspects that I like the most. We start from the base that the paintball is to go to play outdoors. Therefore we will play in the field and the field is a long maintenance job if we do not want it to become a jungle in a couple of months. All the fields that have been opened have spent 2 to 3 months to assemble and prepare their fields: smooth, flatten, cut grass, put obstacles, etc... Once finished mounting everything they have taken the photos of the immaculate fields and they hang them in the webs. And that's what they're going to sell, a photo of the day of the opening. Well, a field that appreciates should not stop working after opening but maintain and expand every day. This aspect is easier to see on a web page to see those who try to cheat you. First look at the dates of the photos, if from the same field there are 15 photos in the whole web look at the date of each if they are all the same as it is the photo of the opening if the date changes then you can see the evolution of the countryside.

Iberika Paintball in California - Big Games Another way to know if they are mounts or real photos is to look at the shooting positions of people if they have poorly covered hunter position is likely to be real customers, if they have an orthopedic position with broken wrist and elbow stuck are photo montages. Look carefully if those who appear in the photo have the mask on and if they are of legal age to play (14/16 years) if they are 10 years old and go without masks, they think they are not professional enough to see those photos They should not be there. Nor do you trust the photos too PRO because several of our photos are being used in other websites to promote ... Analyze each one of the photos: height of grass, thistles that you can see in the photo, the field of straw (straw after a year smells rotten), photos of barbecues and write down all the doubts that you have of the web to ask questions to the field you are going to call. Think that once you book you will be asked for a signal and you pay for the signal based on some photos that you have seen, once the signal is paid it will be difficult to be able to back out. And the most important thing if you are the one who organizes the event and you end up taking 2h to arrive and the place sucks, the beer is from Carrefour, the food does not arrive etc ... in the end, you will feel bad for taking your friends to a place of shit.

IBERIKA PAINTBALL California: We have two people who work from Monday to Friday to maintain the indoor and outdoor fields in optimal conditions. We try to keep the photos updated but we have little time, but ALL the photos of the web have been taken in our field by us. And you can visit us whenever you want or ask us what you want. In 5 years with our own field, we have not had a single complaint, in the field where we worked before we had an average of 10 complaints per year.

CONCLUSION: Iberika Paintball in California - Police training With all that, it is not that we intend to say that we are the best, just that we have enough time in this world to know who we compete with and that we want to give a service that we would like to receive outside. We are tired of hearing that everyone tells us "Of course if we knew that we would have gone directly to Iberika Paintball" or "the monitors of the field where we were down smoking joints and when you wanted balls you had to take a 10-minute walk", etc… The solution so that you are not deceived is to study the photos that put you on the web page, analyze and reason the prices. The large and serious fields affect their expenses in the price of rent and balls and adjust to a competition often disloyal because offering much more must lower prices to those of the pirate of the grandfather's estate. The recommended prices for rent are $21 / $23 and for $6 / $7 balls depending on the site, if you negotiate the price and you lower it = it is not a good sign, when you lower the price or you will remove services, or as they do not have services only lower margin. It will not be better to pay $3 more to know the paintball hand professionals? We have been in the world of paintball for 20 years, 11 years organizing events for companies and bachelor parties and 11 years leading paintball fields. Iberika Paintball was the result of 20 years of dreams to create an environment of fun SAFE, FUN and PROFESSIONAL. We are always in continuous improvement. Our motto is "What is not good for you is not good for us", we live on the loyalty of our customers and we will continue to grow and expand the services thanks and for you. For any clarification of how to choose field do not hesitate to call us at 911.100.500 and we will gladly assist you.

NEW: IBERIKA PAINTBALL leaves the PAINTBALL Our journey in paintball began in 1989 when we organized the first game of Paintball in a field behind the French Liceo de California. In 1994 we worked in a paintball field 80km north of California. In 1995, we advised a field of reference to design your fields and your ball spending strategy. Between 1996 and 2000, we advised the opening of several fields in the USA and Canada. In 2000 we went back a field with problems in the North of California. In 2005 we assembled the Sports Club of Iberika Paintball. In 2006 we set up the Esquivias field with the Spanish Reball Park training primer and two competition fields. In 2010, we incorporated Airsoft and Laser Tag games. In 2012 we started with the Combat.

Our life was to make paintball enjoy those who did not know it. But the crisis and companies like Groupon made the paintball was losing all its charm. At Iberia Paintball we spent a lot of time and money developing playthings to play: bazookas, paint mines, traps, tanks, machine guns, etc ... But the new situation made it impossible to continue. The price was going down so much that there was no way to do things right: keep the monkeys clean, the lens changes, the paintball mechanic ... So we took advantage of the pull the combat had to dedicate more time.

Between 2013 and 2016 we offered our players an E-combat game before going to paintball. In case you would like the combat a lot you could continue playing combat or change to Paintball. In 3 years no group was changed and we reached more than 6000 followers on Facebook.

Finally, in 2016 at the end of the California Games Week in the Assembly, it was decided to remove the paintball and dedicate exclusively to the combat. Two years later we have games with vehicles, drones, Milsim games, games with night vision, ... And now with more than 8500 followers on Facebook, we continue with our motto: IF YOU DO NOT LIKE, WE WILL RETURN YOU THE MONEY.

[omegaling]

Allez Cuisine! ~Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Twelve: Scallops and Turbot

“You have got to be kidding.”

Rey could practically hear Kylo roll his eyes on the other side of the line.    “Contrary to popular belief, a chef does need leave their kitchen every now and then, especially when it’s to learn something new.  Some lessons are best taught at the source, and when it comes to seafood and shellfish there’s no better place than New Fulton.”

“I get that, but why does it have to be at one in the morning?”

Kylo sighed into his phone, which sounded more like a growl than a standard exhale of air.  “Because all the best product is gone by two. Now, considering I know for a fact that no true chef complains at having to keep odd hours, why don’t you just tell me what’s bothering you rather than keep dancing around it?”

Rey frowned as she applied another coat of Clementine Sunset nail polish to her big toe nail.  She only ever painted her nails when she was on the phone, mostly because it kept her from pacing circles around the apartment - not only was it a habit Finn already teased her about, but she didn’t want to risk piquing his attention by overhearing her side of the conversation - but it also bought her some much-needed time to articulate her thoughts into words.

“The episode airs on Sunday.”

“I don’t see why you’re so worried over that.  It’s not as if you don’t know what happens.”

Now it was Rey’s turn to roll her eyes.   Asshole.  “That’s not what I meant and you know it.  It’s just that...well...sometimes you seem to forget that you’re like, kind of a big deal.”

Rey had started her lessons with Kylo just three weeks ago, and in that time Vader was featured in two different popular restaurant columns, a TV show highlighting the most successful restaurateurs in America, and collected yet another prestigious award. To top it off, Kylo himself was announced to be a guest of honor at the next IACP Conference, and was even rumored to be on the judging panel for their cookbook award next year. The notion that he was so used to his own fame that he needed to be reminded of it by someone from the outside was something she couldn’t even begin to comprehend.

The burning core of Rey’s anxiety, however, stemmed from the premiere of the new season of  Iron Chef America. The Food Network kicked it off with a Bobby Flay episode the first week, followed by Michael Symon’s first challenge the next.  Rey had desperately hoped that with all the hype already surrounding Poe’s episode the network would save it for closer to the finale before the mid-season break or as the opening episode when the show returned, so she was nothing short of horrified when she learned it would be aired a mere three weeks in.

“You’re still afraid of being seen with me?”

Rey paused in her task, the nail polish brush hovering over her second right toe.  There was something about the tone in Kylo’s voice that made Rey unsure of whether he was making a statement or asking a question. There was something else too, just beneath the surface; the barest infliction of an emotion she would have never expected from him. Was the great Kylo Ren, the darling of one of the largest and most influential companies in the entire northern hemisphere, feeling... hurt because of her reluctance to accept his invitation?

Kylo’s voice interrupted her train of thought before it got too far.  “If that is the case, then you don’t need to worry. The people at New Fulton will be far more interested in that night’s shipment of striped bass than spreading cheap tabloid rumors.  Besides, don’t you think it’s better to go now than after your face has been on national television?”

Though his logic did little to relieve her anxiety, she found that she could not argue with it.  Once they agreed on the time and place he’d pick her up (no matter how much she insisted she could look after herself, he absolutely refused to let her traverse the length of Manhattan in the middle of the night alone) Rey stared at the black screen of her phone for what felt like a very long time.  Then she huffed, tossing the device on to her pillow.

For fuck’s sake, Jakken, get a hold of yourself.  You’re going to look at a bunch of dead fish with him, not going on a ritzy date.  Any disappointment on his part doesn’t come from you turning down an invitation, but because you’re a student refusing something your teacher wants you to do.  There’s no need to read into it any more than that, because that’s all you’ll ever be to him.

But that left the question of, what would she be to him when he felt he had nothing left to teach her?  More importantly, what did she  want  to be?

“Whatever happened to the ‘no one in New York owns a car’ rule?” Rey asked as she slid into the passenger sea of Kylo’s sleek Audi R8, hiding her wince with the slam of the door.   Someday I’ll get to the point where I don’t say something idiotic every time I open my mouth whenever I’m around him.  “I have to admit, though, it’s definitely a step up from the subway,” she added, running her hands down the supple leather of her seat.

“I’d like to think so,” Kylo agreed as he put the car into gear.

A mere month ago Rey would have bristled at his curt response, but by now she recognized it as being just a part of his dry sense of humor.  It was not the only unsuspecting surprise that she unearthed about him during their lessons. She knew his taste in music knew no bounds, ranging from Jefferson Airplane to Icelandic black metal, to Lorde to traditional Peruvian folk.  He abhorred texting, and although he never said why Rey suspected it has a lot to do with his hand-to-phone size ratio, which she thought was rather endearing. What Rey found the most intriguing was the impression she got that Kylo’s passion for food did not reside in his own beautiful and sinful creations, but in the simple, almost comfort-like food her lessons seemed to revolve around.  Rey felt as though she was privy to something no one else deemed possible: an understanding of the man behind the legend...or the monster, depending on whom you asked.

Kylo pulled away from the curb, heading for the quickest route uptown to the Bronx.  What few people were on the street at this hour didn’t so much glance up as the Audi passed.  Rey felt the knot of tension she had been carrying between her shoulder blades uncoil. She knew her paranoia was uncalled for, so instead she made herself sit back and watch the city lights streak by, the growl of the Audi’s engine reverberating through her bones.

“Couldn’t resist that twin turbo charge?” Rey asked, though the question was more rhetorical than not.

“The what?” Kylo asked as he switched gears.  In a rare turn of events, Rey was the one who got to raise an eyebrow.  Could it be that she actually knew something he didn’t?

“The engine in your car?” she prompted.  “Most people usually notice when an extra forty grand is added to the sticker price.”

“Oh.  I never really noticed.  This was a gift. From...a potential sponsor.”

Did Rey’s ears deceive her, or did Kylo actually sound...embarrassed?  That receiving an expensive gift from someone hoping to get him to endorse their product or business was a source of shame?  She tried to think of something that would help alleviate the tense silence, but Kylo beat her to it.

“You can tell what kind of engine it is just from the sound?”

Rey gave a nonchalant half-shrug.  “There’s a little more that goes into it than that, but yeah.  I used to spend a lot of time around all kinds of engines.”

“That’s right.  You were an engineering major before you started cooking.”

Rey looked at Kylo out of the corner of her eye, glad that the darkness inside the car hid her look of surprise.  She honestly had not expected him to remember any details from her pre-culinary life; or, more accurately, that he wouldn’t care about them.

“It seems like such a long time ago now.  Back then I was thinking of opening a shop after I graduated that specialized in restoring classic American muscle cars - it’s my favorite era - but imports are where the money is.”

“And now you make food for a living.”

“That’s the long and short of it, yeah.  Funny how life works out like that sometimes.”

“Very much so,” Kylo agreed.

The rest of the trip was made in relative silence, but for once it was not awkward.

When Kylo first told Rey that he wanted to take her to the New Fulton Fish Market for a lesson in recognizing reputable wholesalers and how to buy the best product, she surmised that the trip would be educational and nothing else.

Ten minutes after their arrival in the cavernous, refrigerated warehouse, Rey was running from stall to stall like a hyperactive kid let loose in a candy store.  She only recognized about a third of the contents in the ice-packed crates and nearly overflowing tanks. There were all the usual staples Poe used in his menu: golden-speckled Spanish mackerel and ugly, gaped-mouth monkfish and sardines that gleamed like silver coins; fat littleneck clams and blush-pink langoustines attempting to escape over the side of their bins.  And then there was everything else: eels writhing in giant plastic tubs; saber-nosed swordfish and dome-headed mahi mahi; spiny sea urchins, pale abalone crawling slowly up the sides of glass tanks and bizarre, tube-shaped sea cucumbers that Rey couldn’t even fathom how to use in food. Two Japanese men argued passionately over a giant loin of bluefin tuna as red as rubies, the belly section so richly marbled with fat that Rey’s mouth watered at the sight.  She had to abstain from laughing when a tiny Japanese woman barreled between the men and slapped a wad of cash into the seller’s hand, and the loin was hauled away as the men gaped in bewilderment.

Eventually Kylo reined her in, reminding her of the reason why they were there to begin with.  Like the vast majority of high-end restaurants in New York, Vader had their ingredients and supplies delivered daily from meticulously selected vendors, but Kylo was a staunch believer that a chef who could not identify every mark of high quality on every single cut of meat, fish, and item of produce that came into their kitchen had no right to serve food to the public.  Thanks to Poe and his ridiculously high standards and prepping raw ingredients for the better part of two and a half years, Rey assumed that she had a pretty good eye for spotting imperfections until Kylo once again proved she still had a lot to learn.

They moved among the rows of stalls, Rey hanging onto his every word as they examined gills and the clarity of eyes and ran their fingers over fins and scales.  Whereas Poe was always a good teacher when it came to explaining  how   something was done, Kylo took time to explain the why in the technique and history of every subject they covered.  Rey learned not only how to identify oysters by their size and shape of their shells alone (to avoid getting ripped off by a dishonest fishmonger trying to subsidize an order of Kumamoto oysters with Pacific ones, Kylo explained) but also how the mollusks went from being eaten exclusively by starving street urchins to being served on a crushed bed of ice at restaurants for fifty bucks a dozen.  She also learned that there were two different ways to pack scallops, and how wet packing yielded meat that was off flavor and didn’t tend to cook as properly as dry packed scallops did. To emphasize his point, Kylo selected a large king scallop from a nearby stand and, taking a shucking knife provided by the seller, had the shell open in two swift slices. The mollusk’s inedible membranes were quickly discarded, leaving a perfect, fat coin of pink-tinged meat in the middle of the shell.  As soon as Kylo proffered the scallop to her Rey plucked it from the shell and popped it into her mouth. It practically melted on her tongue, cold and sweet and absolutely perfect.

Although Kylo had assured her that everyone at New Fulton would be entirely too engrossed in their business to pay them any mind, Rey quickly noticed that Kylo’s presence at the market did in fact attract a lot of attention, but not in the way she expected.  She constantly saw the flicker of recognition in the eyes of the sellers and the buyers over and over again, only to immediately be followed by a change of expression that ranged from caution to outright fear before averting their gaze, as if they were afraid of any repercussions for attracting his attention.  Some people even made a point of moving as far away as they possibly could from Kylo as he passed them in the aisles. The vendors and fishmongers couldn’t run of course, but they certainly looked ready to dive into their tanks if they were unfortunate enough to give Kylo an answer he didn’t like. For his part, Kylo did not seem to notice their less-than-subtle behavior towards him, but Rey felt annoyed almost instantaneously by it.

Two hours into their trip to New Fulton, she was positively livid.  Kylo had been nothing but courteous, albeit business-like, with the market vendors during the entire course of their visit.  Whenever he happened to find a fish with discolored gills or a bin that had more open clams that closed ones, he did not rant and rave at the fishmonger like some of the other buyers did, but rather pointed out the flaws to her before moving on.  It was not until Kylo made a purchase of forty pounds of turbot - medium-sized flatfish that sold at a whopping $75 a pound - and the seller expressed what an honor it was for his fish to be on Vader’s menu that Rey remembered her own misgiving she expressed to him only a few days ago: “Sometimes you forget you’re kind of a big deal. ”  And even before that, weren’t there all those times she’d snigger and roll her eyes at the gossip about him swapped in the kitchen and at the bars?

Now, walking beside him in that chilly, noisy warehouse at two in the morning, it was next to impossible for her to think of him as the tyrant everyone else she knew made him out to be.  True, he was more than a little intense at times, and she did not doubt that he ruled his kitchen with an iron fist, but all the best chefs did; a fall from the top of the food chain in this industry meant certain cannibalism from those waiting in the wings.  Rey couldn’t help but wonder how many of the rumors were started by chefs jealous of his talent, or if they stemmed from fear of his horrible boss. She was suddenly overcome by the urge to reach out and take Kylo’s hand, if for no other reason than to assure him he was not alone.  Her fingers nearly brushed his before she realized that she was doing and snatched her hand back, tucking it under the opposite armpit as if doing so would help prevent her from making a grave mistake. Though they continued to grow more comfortable around each other every time they met, there was still a line in whatever their relationship actually was.  Rey knew that she almost stepped over it that night, and she was certain that if she did, there wouldn’t be a way for her to go back.

It was close to three in the morning when Rey felt her energy begin to wane; she may have been a  night owl long long before she was hired to BB8, but even her energy was not infinite. As though he could feel her attention slipping, Kylo decided to call it a night.  “I’m not going to waste my time explaining something you’re not even going to remember,” he remarked drily, which earned him a quick jab in the ribs from her elbow.

At that point Rey was sure that they would just head back to his car so he could drive her home, which meant she was surprised when he asked if she wanted to get something to eat before they called it a night, and even more so when he suggested grabbing something at the small cafe located right there at the first market.  It was almost surreal seeing him in such a normal setting, complete with laminated menu in front of him and a glass of iced tea at his elbow. She supposed that even multi-million dollar celebrity chefs needed a break from shaved truffles and demi-glace reductions every now and then.

The expensive-looking watch on Kylo’s wrist beeped three AM, but the brightly lit cafe and the lively conversation of the other diners helped Rey perk up a bit.  As she tucked into her omelette - all fluffy eggs, gooey cheese and sweet chunks of ham - Kylo scribbled furiously in a notebook he produced from his coat pocket, his Reuben sandwich all but forgotten.

“New recipe?” she asked, unable to help herself.

“Nothing specific.  Just writing down some ideas on how to prepare the turbot I purchased.”

“How do you determine what other ingredients go best with certain kinds of food?”

“There are a lot of different factors to consider, but first and foremost you need to understand each ingredient’s flavor profile and which cooking technique is the best to use for it.  Turbot is very similar to halibut, in that it has a mild flavor and low oil content, so you don’t want to pair it with flavors that will overpower it, nor do you want to cook it under high heat and dry it out.  Learning how to best utilize each profile is normally taught in culinary school, an apprenticeship, or - most commonly - being reamed by the head chef for screwing up on something.”

Rey snorted; she had definitely found herself on the receiving end of the wrath of BB8’s sous on more than one occasion, and she always made sure to learn how not to make the same mistake again.

“Once you master the basics, it’s just like any form of artistic expression. You experiment, you take account of your successes and your failures, try out new techniques, take risks, and learn from your mistakes.  Like all art, success has the tendency to favor the bold.” He jotted down one more line of notes, closed the notebook, and put it back in his coat pocket.  Then he cocked his head slightly, considering her. “I take it you don’t do much cooking outside of work?”

“Oh no, it’s not that.  I cook at home all the time, but experimentation never works out well for me.”  She grimaced, thinking of all the sad, collapsed souffles at the bottom of her trash can.  Her superior palate didn’t do much to help her if she didn’t know what the end result was supposed to be.  “No, I was just never the artistic type. I do better learning by example and following blueprints created by someone else.”

“You shouldn’t be so hard on yourself.  You have the talent, there’s no mistaking that. Now you just need the experience. Dameron and I... As you know, we don’t always see eye to eye, even on mutual ground, but I’ve never found fault with his standards.  He saw your potential, and decided to take the risk. No one else would have dared to do that, especially with two stars to defend.”

Rey mumbled out her thanks, but instead of feeling pride at his praise she felt the return of a roil of conflicting emotions that brought the night to a bleak end.  When her lessons with him first began, she made it abundantly clear that her loyalties were to Poe and his restaurant, and the only thing she wanted from Kylo was whatever culinary knowledge he decided to bestow upon her.  Her conditions were as black and white as she could make them, a line in the sand that marked where her priorities lay. It was not until she found herself sitting in a warehouse cafe in the Bronx at three in the morning talking over comfort food that that she was forced to realize just how blurred she let that line become, and how wholly unprepared she was for dealing with this Kylo Ren compared to the one she conjured in her mind.  That Kylo Ren never cracked jokes, did not own the Cranberries’ complete discography, and he certainly never freely gave compliments about her boss.

She was not supposed to care for this Kylo the way she did.

It’s nothing, Rey told herself, repeating it over and over like a mantra.  It’s nothing, it all means nothing.

But she didn’t want it to be nothing.  Not anymore.

Poe closed BB8 early the following Sunday so the entire staff could watch their appearance on  Iron Chef America .  Snap opened up the bar, and Sharon and Tamara, two of their servers, were sent to Song’e Napule to pick up the dozen pizzas Poe ordered earlier.  Tio hooked up a large flat screen TV in the lounge, last minute bets were made, and the hostess and the rotisseur made the final touches on the rules of their ICA  drinking game.  It was shaping up to be one hell of a night.

Rey just wanted it to be over.

“Hey!  Why so glum?” Finn asked as he vaulted onto the bar stool next to her.

I’m hopelessly attracted to my boss’s arch nemesis and fast losing my grip on my priorities but I’m afraid I no longer have the self-discipline to stop myself and after tonight my two lives are bound to be set on a collision course and I have no idea when and where the crash will happen.

“Nothing.”

“C’mon, Rey: you’ve always been a lousy liar, and I say that with love.  It all turns out alright, you and I both know that.”

“I know.  I guess I’m just nervous.  It’s only just sinking in that we’re about to be on national television.”

“You’ve been on TV before.”

“Yeah, in the background of a segment for some kind of travel or food show, not as an active player.” Rey sighed and picked at her cuticles, a long-time habit of hers she never could quite shake, especially when she was anxious about something.  “I’m just thinking of what I would have done different, knowing what I do now. Not have called so much attention to myself, for one.”

But if I just kept my head down and did my job, would Kylo have noticed me at all?

“It’s not like you were doing it to keep the cameras on you; you were just being yourself, and Poe and I know it.”  Finn put his arm around her shoulders and pulled her into a half-hug. “Look, the most that will come out of tonight is we’ll make some waves on social media and see a spike in reservations for the next few months.  Nothing more that than. I promise.”

Rey smiled, her lungs decompressing a bit.  “Are we just going to take turns talking each other down from panic attacks for the rest of our lives?”

“Works for me,” Finn grinned.

Sharon and Tamara finally returned, their arms loaded with pizza boxes and various sized containers balanced precariously on top.  Everyone helped to arrange the food on the bar top and the vacant tables, and by the time they were situated with their plates and drinks the opening theme of  Iron Chef America  began to blare through the TV’s speakers.

For Rey, it was a more than a little uncomfortable seeing herself on TV, watching her own erratic behavior compared to the professionalism of the others while Alton Brown and Kevin Brauch continually commented on it, so she started watching her colleagues’ reactions instead.  Other than it being difficult to not react to their jeering and insults whenever Kylo was on screen, she soon started to relax and thoroughly enjoy herself. The drinking game was in full swing by the time they got to the first commercial break (take one drink whenever makes a sexual innuendo, two whenever Hux looks like he’s trying to pass a kidney stone), and they hailed her like a hero for conquering the ice cream machine which in turn resulted in Kylo nearly botching one of his dishes.  She even began to feel silly for being so worried in the first place.

Then came the presentation of Kylo’s pomegranate sorbet in its chocolate shell.  

The lounge gradually lapsed into silence as he recounted Persephone’s descent to the underworld to be with her dark lord, the power of his words capturing their attention without effort.  It was quite eerie, really; this group of people was almost never this quiet, and Rey felt her earlier dread return with renewed force. Kylo finished his soliloquy, his eyes darting away from the judges to cast their gaze beyond their table.

The camera cut away from him, and Rey suddenly found herself staring at her own bewildered face on the broadcasted on the screen in all its high-def glory.

Alton Brown announced that the verdict was to come after the final commercial break, but no one in BB8’s lounge was paying him any mind.  They were all too busy staring at her.

[urfavmurtad]

I'm the same anon from before. I should probably just make a tumblr at this point. I promise I won't bug you after this. When I lived in Saudi Arabia (as a teenage girl) the religion teacher said that famous hadith about the prophet telling his niece to cover up was actually weak. She was saying this to convince us that the only true way was to cover our faces and hands as well. I said, if it's weak, why should we even cover our hair and arms? She wasn't happy about that.

You’re not bugging me at all anon, I enjoy it when people give me the opportunity to rant. And hijab/niqab rants are always fun. But feel free to make an account and commiserate with the rest of us!

Much like ARTPOP, your hijab can mean anything. Many Saudi ladies wear niqab in the belief that that was the original intent behind the hijab commandment. Though there are always weird-ass niqab revivalist movements, full-body coverings were more common in the past than the present. It’s not too hard to see why. I mean… look at this thing.

Jesus. Regardless, you are correct that what Allah actually wants women to cover is very… vague in the Quran itself. Your head and chest, yes, that seems obvious enough… but what else? (Arms aren’t even specifically mentioned tbh.)

The specific wording of the ayat have been debated for centuries because many of the terms used are just really unclear, and terms used in the ahadith on this topic are also unclear. Khimar in pre-Islamic Arabia appears to have just been a loose head covering worn to shelter people from the sun; the ayah in An-Nur seems to tell women to drape their khimar across their necks and collarbone area instead of just letting it hang down their backs, which sounds very much like the modern conception of hijab. That ayah’s other demand, to conceal one’s “adornments” (zinatan), has a broad range of interpretations ranging from jewelry to beauty in general. The other one, in Al-Ahzab, uses the word jilbab (big loose robe type thing) and it’s a tricky one, because no one knows exactly what Mohammed meant by it. Were women supposed to just drape a large, shapeless robe over themselves, somewhat like an abaya (which is how most people think of “jilbab” now), or were they supposed to completely cover themselves with it, like a niqab?

Your teacher may have had a point in saying that Mohammed meant for women to fully cover themselves, even if the Quran doesn’t explicitly say that. But to figure this out we must dive into the hive of villainy and scum that is the ahadith.

First of all, we have this old classic, the one you’re talking about which defines the aurah as everything but the face and hands, meaning that niqab is not necessary.

Asma, daughter of Abu Bakr, entered upon the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) wearing thin clothes. The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) turned his attention from her. He said: O Asma, when a woman reaches the age of menstruation, it does not suit her that she displays her parts of body except this and this, and he pointed to his face and hands.

It’s not actually weak, it’s sahih. It’s mursal… but that doesn’t impact whether it is strong or weak as long as all the narrators are reliable.

But we can ignore that and dive into the rest of the ahadith, since that’s what your teacher said to do.

There are ahadith like this one from Bukhari and this one from Abu Dawud that suggest that women actually made new garments upon “Allah” commanding them to cover up (in ayah 31 of An-Nur), instead of just using their existing scarves to cover more of themselves. The word in question in both ahadith,فاختمرن ‏ , is unclear. Many scholars believe it means they made face veils for themselves. Others say they just made khimars (headscarves).

But the pro-niqab interpretation is that it doesn’t make sense to believe that it “only” means that they made khimars to cover their hair, neck, and chest, because women would’ve just draped their scarves differently rather than made entirely new garments if that were the case.

As for the other ayah, about “lowering the jilbab”, we have this hadith saying that women looked like they had “crows on their heads” after it was revealed, and good lucking figuring out what the hell that’s supposed to mean. Does it just mean they were wearing black? Was it covering the top part of their face? We just don’t know.

There’s this other hadith about the jilbab in which Mohammed says that if you don’t have one handy, you have to share one with a friend of yours. Again, what does that mean? What does it look like to share a jilbab? Pulling a big cloth thing over your head, or both of you huddling under something that hides your whole body? We don’t know!

That’s why there is so much confusion over this topic. No one bothered to clarify a damn thing and talked in idioms whose meanings have long been forgotten, to the point that it’s hard to tell what the average women in Mohammed’s era actually dressed like. There are ahadith that make it seem like many women left their faces uncovered while perhaps only the upper-class women (like Mo’s wives) covered their faces. So maybe it was just a small minority thing, right? But then we know that Mohammed specifically said that women can’t fully cover themselves while in ihram, meaning a fair number did at other times!! Aaaaaa! Do you see what I mean about this being absurdly complicated?

I guess the best we can say here is that some women interpreted the command as “cover your faces”, while others did not, and Mohammed didn’t seem to say anything to either of them. He demanded women cover their head, neck, and chest, in addition to wearing a baggy outer robe that they pulled over their heads. And it seems many women went beyond that and covered their faces too, at least that’s the best I can do in interpreting the weird-ass ahadith about “crows on their heads” and shit. But we can’t say anything else for certain.

So I would personally say that while wearing hijab and a jilbab-style garment, something loose and flowy, is necessary, niqab is not obligatory. If Mohammed had wanted it to be obligatory, he should’ve clarified it. But it has still been one interpretation of the command to cover for a very, very long time. We know that many, and possibly the majority of early Muslims (at least in some places) interpreted as requiring niqab because it’s mentioned in historical sources, including the 801 AD Tongdian  by Du You of China, which states it’s from a Chinese captive from the Battle of Talas who lived in the Middle East around the 750s AD:

When a woman goes out in public, she must cover her face irrespective of her lofty or lowly social position. They perform ritual prayers five times a day. They eat meat, fast, and they regard the butchering of an animal as meritorious. 

To cap this off, I’d like to add that we know the specific occasion that made “Allah” demand women cover themselves. It’s…………. a lot.

As with many terrible things about Islam, the story of the clothing hijab (vs the whole curtain thing which is a separate tale) begins with everyone’s favorite sycophant, our friend the future Caliph Umar. Umar wants women, especially Mohammed’s wives, to be covered. He is practically obsessed with the idea, really. But Mohammed–I mean, “Allah”–is not demanding that the women cover themselves. Umar is very sad. And Umar has a plan to make Mohammed–I mean “Allah”–recognize the fact that the women really must be covered up. The story is recounted several places by Anas ibn Malik and Aisha, such as here and here in Bukhari:

Narrated `Aisha: The wives of the Prophet (ﷺ) used to go to Al-Manasi, a vast open place (near Baqi` at Medina) to answer the call of nature at night. `Umar used to say to the Prophet (ﷺ) “Let your wives be veiled,” but Allah’s Apostle did not do so. One night Sauda bint Zam`a the wife of the Prophet (ﷺ) went out at `Isha’ time and she was a tall lady. `Umar addressed her and said, “I have recognized you, O Sauda.” He said so, as he desired eagerly that the verses of Al-Hijab (the observing of veils by the Muslim women) may be revealed. So Allah revealed the verses of “Al-Hijab”

Sauda, who is large and tall, goes out to go to the bathroom. Umar is goddamn spying on her and calls out to her to embarrass her, saying “Hey! I see you taking a piss!!!”. She runs home, mortified, and tells Mohammed. The intended message to Mohammed was: “Hey Mohammed, I saw your giant wife pissing tonight. If only she were covered up from head to toe, maybe I wouldn’t have recognized her because she’d just, like, be a hunched-over anonymous blob. But I did see her, sorry bro.”

Mohammed is deeply concerned by this and accordingly Allah reveals the command for women to cover themselves around unrelated men. That means either niqab or something so baggy and shapeless that your body becomes impossible to see, depending on the interpretation.

I hate Umar so much. I should do a post about his dumb ass sometime.

Moral of the story, one of the initial interpretations of it was as a full covering but it was only because Umar was a dick. Don’t pay attention to Umar. Ameen.

[caliconnected]

The World-Wide West: An Interview with Online Headshop CaliConnected

Tia - published on November 18, 2020

We caught up with online headshop CaliConnected to ask about their glass bongs, dab rigs, vaporizers, e-nails/e-rigs, running an online cannabis business, and their personal favorite strains.

Tia (AskGrowers) : How did you guys start the business? What inspired you to jump into the cannabis industry?

Mike Oliva : We [the co-founders] became close friends in college because we were both huge fans of the cannabis industry, so it seemed like a no-brainer when the idea first came about. We knew before even diving in that there would be difficult times dealing with constantly changing legal issues but we saw an opportunity to excel in this space by putting customer service at the forefront of our business. As fans of the industry, we had made countless purchases online through various stores, some that are now our competitors. We felt like we could make a big difference and provide a better all-around customer experience.

Tia : What are you looking to accomplish as a brand? What’s the ultimate company goal?

Mike : We’re always looking at ways to excel in our customer service and make that the number one selling point of buying equipment from CaliConnected. Beyond excellent customer service, we’re ultimately looking to break the stigma associated with the cannabis industry. We aim to make our website as user-friendly as possible so that everyone feels comfortable shopping with us, regardless of age, gender, race, etc. By normalizing vaping, smoking, and cannabis in general, we hope to make it more acceptable by society so the negative stereotype disappears, and people can see the positive in cannabis use.

Tia : Which of your products would you recommend to try for beginners? What are your top 3 products from your website?

Mike : Not sure if we could recommend just one product for beginners as we carry a vast number of products across a variety of uses. Our general rule of thumb for novice customers that reach out looking for advice is to keep it basic and affordable so you can learn if that type of product works best for you before going all in. We also typically recommend beginners stick with the brands that have been in the industry the longest such as Grav, Storz & Bickel, and Grenco Science.

Our top 3 selling products at CaliConnected right now are the DabCap Fully Universal Vape to Bong Adapter, the Randy’s Path 2-in-1 Nectar Collector Vaporizer, and the Grav Gravitron Gravity Bong!

Tia : Scrolling through your website, I noticed that you have some cool bong/pipe designs. Who handles the design and creation of your paraphenelia?

Mike : At the moment CaliConnected is primarily a reseller of major brands in our industry so they handle most bong/pipe designs, although we do have plans to release our very own American-made glass collection next year. We trust every brand we carry on our website and usually choose to carry their products for a reason. Anything listed under the CaliConnected brand name right now is just unmarked glass that we import from overseas vendors for customers that are looking for cheaper glassware options.

Tia : What’s your favourite strain to smoke and why?

Mike : We’re going to have to go with Jack Herer. It’s a classic and a staple if you want something that allows you to continue being productive while you smoke!

Tia : What is your opinion on the hype for the highest THC levels possible? Do you believe that strains/products with highest THC levels are the ones to look out for – or is it a misconception? Should people look into more balanced products with a healthy balance of THC/ CBD for quality entourage effect?

Mike : Hmm, while we understand the hype it truly depends on your goals. We feel that the cannabis plant can bring you so many more benefits, so only focusing on the THC level certainly seems counterproductive.

Similarly, we believe focusing on the strains with the highest THC levels is a misconception as many people are looking for different things out of the cannabis plant. Even medicinally speaking, people can use cannabis to treat inflammation, others for seizures, some use it for anxiety issues, and the list goes on.

It’s best to do everything in life with balance. As the industry and plant continues evolving together, we’re all still learning new things about the cannabis plant as we go. Science does seem to back the entourage effect, so seeking products with a healthy balance of THC and CBD does seem to be the most effective way to shop right now.

Tia : What’s your best selling product currently? What’s your up-and-coming product?

Mike : Our hottest selling product right now is the MouthPeace 2.0 Filter Kit from Moose Labs! This nifty little gadget has replaceable carbon filters that remove resin and tar from your smoke and helps to prevent the spread of germs. The universal design fits the top of nearly every water pipe we sell, and it’s great to take with you on-the-go so you don’t need to share mouthpieces with everyone else in a group session. The MouthPeace really took off for us since the start of Covid.

Our up-and-coming product would have to be the Eyce Protek Series Spark Rig. Just released last week, this is the first hybrid glass and silicone product we’ve seen from Eyce, and it’s pretty awesome. The base comes with a battery-powered LED light that illuminates the inside of the glass, and there’s an affordable LED expansion pack so you can swap out the colors too!

Tia : What is your stand on indoor vs outdoor? Do you believe products differ based on how and where they are grown?

Mike : Hmm, not sure we could choose a preference on indoor vs. outdoor. These methods both seem to have positives & negatives, and it’s always going to differ based on numerous variables. Weather conditions can have significant impacts on outdoor growing, and nowadays there’s a broader range of nutrients that growers can experiment with using on both indoor and outdoor plants. Like our entire industry, cannabis growing methods are constantly evolving, and there are multiple different ways to grow the plant indoors including hydroponics and aeroponics.

Tia : How does CaliConected maintain transparency in their product line?

Mike : Maintaining transparency is big for us at CaliConnected. First off, we do our best to produce original product descriptions that are as detailed as possible. The immediate drawback of having original content is that it takes a bit longer for us to get our new products listed. However, when a manufacturer doesn’t list the height of a bong, the length of a hand pipe, etc., we know from experience that type of information is critical for our customers who can’t see the product in person.

Our customer reviews are also very helpful in transparency. Each product page has a section at the bottom for customer reviews and questions, and we never audit or hide negative reviews as they can be beneficial for other customers. We’ve partnered with Stamped.io, so all the reviews you see are from verified customers who ordered directly from our store. We allow customers to leave reviews anonymously if they don’t wish to share their name and offer coupon codes for their next purchase to encourage as much feedback as possible.

Lastly, we always order our products either directly from the manufacturer or their national distributors, so the authenticity of each product is guaranteed. You’ll never receive a fake or knock-off item ordering from CaliConnected.

Tia : What’s the most interesting moment you’ve experienced working in the cannabis industry so far?

Mike : The most exciting moment we’ve experienced since we started working in the cannabis industry was probably our first trip to the Champs Trade Show. Seeing firsthand the amount of creativity that exists in our industry is mind-blowing. You can get a bong in any shape, size, form, and the range of new products that continue to be released is so incredibly vast.

Getting so much positive feedback from our customers, especially medicinal patients, who are grateful for us providing their hardware is also really fulfilling and something we didn’t expect to be so prolific when starting the company.

Tia : Are there any plans for brand expansion? What do you plan to add to your product list moving forward?

Mike : Absolutely! We have huge plans for brand expansion in the near future. This includes exclusive membership style plans and subscription plans for added savings, expanding our warehouse locations for even faster delivery times, and our in-house brand of glassware we mentioned earlier. We only ship within the US and Canada at the moment, so we’re also looking to offer international shipping in the next calendar year. By that time, we hope to begin offering wholesale to other websites and brick & mortar smoke shops too.

We also plan to continue our company goal of making the website as easy to navigate as possible, and we just launched a new page design last week intended to make the website more mobile-friendly. It also provided new visitors with a cleaner aesthetic and allowed us to begin offering an in-house package protection plan so our customers won’t have to deal with any 3rd-party websites to file claims. On that note, we’re also looking to increase our blogs and create a Knowledge Center that’s more welcoming for beginners to learn the ropes.

We have big plans for expanding our product lines as well. We are putting the final touches on a new line of glassware from Pulsar that has some really cool water pipes, and we’re finalizing the details with a new line of modular bongs which will hopefully be available by the end of the year. We’re also looking to diversify our CBD collection with more brands and different types of consumption methods.