#Also hello tumblr I have reappeared sorry for dissappearing

[sunnova-art]

“The Hero”

[lifeofroos]

Part 2 of 3! And I want to thank everyone for the lovely comments, it made me feel awesome. The rest of the story is on my AO3! (and also my Tumblr if you look through the Nico di Angelo, Percy Jackson, Trials of Apollo, fanfiction or Dionysus tags). 

For those who don’t know: This is the sixth installment of a fanfic I am writing about Nico getting therapy from Dionysus. There are a few ToN spoilers, but not so heavy anymore that I feel the need to put the big warning at the front. 

This Might Be Crazy - Ice cold water

Where am I? In a bad place. I was lying down on something, perhaps a couch, with my face turned upwards. The ceiling was… dirty. And was that chewing gum? How did there get chewing gum on the ceiling?

‘Hello, Nico. You are awake.’ Oh, I am awake, that’s nice. ‘Can you tell me what you are seeing right now?’

‘What I am… hm.’ 

‘Start with the colour.’ 

‘White. I... I am seeing the ceiling and it is white. There are black spots as well, and I think I see a lamp. There is light.  Also, I think there is chewing gum stuck to the ceiling? Except that would be weird.’

‘I am afraid you are right about the chewing gum.’ 

I turned my head, until I could see Dionysus. He was sitting next to the couch I was laying on and he had a serious expression on his face. It dawned on me  why he was looking so worried. Something told me I should be panicking. Yet, I wasn’t.

Mary came over with a cup in her hands. ‘Is there something serious going on?’ Oh shoot, was there? 

‘No, I think not.’ Oh, he thinks not. Mary put the cup on the nearest table.

‘Nico, you have to try to sit up straight,’ Dionysus told me. ‘Can I help you?’ I slowly nodded. I was feeling slightly dizzy, but with the help of Mary and Dionysus I managed to sit up. I figured Dionysus probably knocked me out one way or another. That would explain why I rememberd the world dissappearing in a cloud of purple. 

Mary sat down on the couch, by my feet. I wanted to tell her to stay away, but when I opened my mouth, words would not come out. Tell her, tell her, tell her what a monster you are. More worthy of Tartarus than we ever were. The voice made me flinch. 

‘Here, Nico. Take a sip of water.’ Dionysus handed me the cup, which was filled to the brim with water and ice cubes. I managed to take a sip without spilling everything that was in it over my shirt. 

‘So. Now take a deep breath.’ I did as I was told. ‘Good. Now we are going to talk about what just happened.’ It felt as if someone lit a match in my stomach.

‘...Okay.’

‘Fifteen minutes ago, there was a monster attack in this Denny’s. You took one of them down by turning the beast into a sentient skeleton. After that, you went into a shock, presumably because you are afraid that you will hurt the people around you with this new power.’ He paused. I felt as if someone gut-punched me, but I wanted him to go on. Get it over with. Allow me to repress it. You should never repress it. You should see this as a sign. Piss off, pretty please. ‘Is that right?

‘...Yes.’ 

‘Alright. Can I go on?’

‘Yesplease.’

‘You are afraid of hurting the people you love. We were talking about that earlier this night. After seeing a concrete example of what you could do, it felt like evidence that you were dangerous. That is, however, not true.’ Another pause.

‘How?’ Watch him lie. Watch him pretend like you are a good person. He probably gets something out of it. There must be favours from Hades.  

‘You only turned a monster into a skeleton because you were trying to protect a friend.’ He nodded at Mary, who smiled and winked in a way only a daughter of Aphrodite ever could. ‘If you think about yourself, Nico, do you truly think you would hurt someone you care about? Knowingly?’ 

You always do. ‘Well… when… when I was young��’ My hands began to shake. I shoved them under my shirt. ‘I... I tried to destroy Percy. I was… I hated him.’ For a second, Dionysus had a look in his eyes that seemed to say ‘didn’t we all?’

‘Why did you hate him?’

My throat closed up. Hot tears ran down my cheeks. ‘Bianca’s death.’ It could not have been louder than a whisper. ‘My sister died, after Percy… he had promised to bring her back safely. He promised!’ It had been a stupid promise. Somehow, I could not blame Percy after all those years. What else could he have done? ‘But she did not. And I loathed him because of it.’ I sobbed a few times, while the tears kept coming. Mary stood up and walked towards the counter. 

‘You were ten when your sister died, right?’

I counted on my fingers for a moment. ‘I… I guess.’ 

‘Who could blame a ten year old, who just lost his sister, for being angry at the person who, in his eyes, caused this loss? Wouldn’t that make someone a monster? And you said it yourself - you hated him. With a d at the end. That makes it a thing of the past. You’ve grown and understand now that he did the best he could.’ He said it through gritted teeth, as if he could not believe he was defending Percy Jackson of all people. ‘You never wanted to cause him harm out of malice. And I know of no other instances where you hurt anybody who didn’t deserve it. You are a good person, Nico di Angelo. As I said earlier, you can make friends with almost anyone, including gods, titans, monsters, troglodytes and who knows what else.’ 

I looked at my hands, then at my cup of water, still sobbing. For one of the first times since I started therapy, I could not wrap my head around what he was saying. It went one ear in, out the other. He could have been speaking Russian. Still, somewhere, I knew he was right. I could just not get in touch with that sentiment. 

‘Are… do you… sure?’ I wiped away a few tears. 

‘What purpose is there in lying? Appeasing Hades? Like I want to. I broke the rules of his realm thrice, there is nothing I can do to salvage that relationship.’

I trusted him on his words. Get three people back from the dead, sure, why not, man, why not. It made me feel calmer. I even let out a shaky giggle. 

Mary came back, with a washcloth for my face and a new milkshake. ‘Here. With extra ice-cream. Gods, you need it.’

I managed to give her a teary smile. ‘Thanks.’ She held it out for me, but I did not take it. She sighed, sounding a little sad, and put it down on the table. I picked it up. 

A few big sips later, I got a brainfreeze. ‘Ow!’ 

‘Oh, come…’ I flinched when she touched my forehead. ‘Oh no. Sorry.’ 

‘...Hm.’ She did not turn into a pile of bones - that was something. I took a few more sips, but already knew that there was no way I would finish the entire milkshake. 

I began to feel tired. Not that the voices piped down. Dionysus laid his hands onto the table. ‘Nico, I think it is time we go back to camp. A lot happened tonight.’ I slowly nodded. 

Dionysus helped me get up from the couch. Mary smiled, with a little wave, when we disappeared. 

We reappeared in front of my cabin door. Dionysus gave me a little push in the back. ‘Right now, I want you to go to sleep. In the following days, I want you to think about my words and what happened. If you feel like you made up your mind, you come to me to talk more about it.’ I nodded again. ‘Sleep tight.’

‘Thanks,’ I whispered. 

I stood in my cabin for some time, until I heard a knock at the door. I looked up, while Will was walking in. ‘Hey, Nico.’ 

My heart pounded in my chest. ‘Get away.’ I might destroy you. You will destroy him. 

He shook his head. ‘No. I think you need someone to look after you right now.’

‘Are you sure Dionysus isn’t the one thinking I need someone to look after me?’

He shrugged. ‘If you really want me to leave, I’ll leave.’ 

I fell down, onto my bed. ‘I don’t want you to leave,’ I whispered. ‘But I don’t want you to touch me either. Not now.’ 

Will walked over to my bed and sat down at the foot. He smiled at me. It was a small smile, but also one that told me he would love me through everything. ‘I’ll just sit here.’

I nodded. ‘Thanks.’

I was beginning to drift away myself when I noticed Will had flopped onto my bed and fallen asleep. Slowly, I inched a little closer, but only a little. 

The next morning I woke up with my left arm around Wills’ waist. I must have put it there in my sleep. His right arm was around my shoulder. And we were both fine.