#Also cried a lil about how the youth sees age

[harumeowz]

A fanfic author describing what its like to be 35 has me in tears

(insert canon character here) is aging at 35 years of age. Despite part of their Special Power being sight and they have a crazy good memory they're starting to lose eyesight and hearing and start to be more forgetful like AAYYYYYEEE 35 is the new 45-50 huh

[mypassionsarenysins]

disremembered.

Past!Steve Rogers x Reader, Bruce Wayne x Reader. 

Summary: Steve Rogers had lived his life, it was only fair for you to live yours right?

Author’s Note: okay so another crossover and for this I’m thinking of Christian Bale batman, so read at your discretion. It’s also a lil sad and some happy parts. Thank you to @stuckonjbbarnes @honeyloverogers and @buckysmischief

Steve stared at the roof looking at the white pristine celling. 

He waited for the other person on the other side of the room to finish with her nightly routine. 

He kept staring at the ceiling closing his eyes and for a brief moment he felt you.

His mind had the ability of taking him back to that night, the moment he decided to leave her. Trying to conquer an illusion, a fleeting moment of what should have been. 

His mind told him to do it, but his heart. 

His heart was the most unforgiving part of himself that never really let it go. 

And now here he is age clear on his face, wrinkles in his one youthful hands that made you laugh, that held you when you cried, now old and lonely. 

He had everything he was looking for, or so he thought. 

A knock on the door interrupted his thought making Steve get up from the bed looking outside the window as he makes his way to the front door. 

He opens the door smiling at the man on the other side who had his infamous frown plastered on his face. 

“Come in please,” Steve motions to the living room but the man on the other side doesn’t make a move, for a moment it looks like he could burn at the mere thought of walking through the door. 

“No,” the man says anger written clear on his features. 

“Bucky you’ve been here before,” Steve motions with pleading eyes, but Bucky stays unmoving. 

“You really think I wouldn’t know that Scott wouldn’t tell us what you wanted to do,” Bucky says as he gets more and more exasperated. 

“It’s not what you think,” Steve please as he closes the door and walks to the porch Bucky leaving as much distance as possible. 

“No it’s much worse,” Bucky says. 

“Sam and I receive this call from Scott saying that you met to get back to the past to get back to her.” Bucky says. 

“You already lived your life Steve, you have a wife, kids, and grandkids.” Bucky motions at the house. 

The house that he build but thought of you in every detail, when Peggy would ask about why he would say. 

“Because its meant to be that way.”

She never really mentioned it again but the essence of her was in the house of all time. 

From the constant need to have sunflowers in the kitchen because, 

“Steve if there is gonna be flowers in the kitchen its gonna be sunflowers.” You said softly as you unwrapped the bright flowers from the brown paper.

Or how he still kept the little folded handkerchief you embroided because, 

“That is more your style Steve.” You said softly as you stand on your toes and kiss him softly on the lips.

After all those years Steve could still see you, feel you, and on some night he can almost touch you. 

“Bucky I don’t think you understand, this, this is meant to be hers,” Steve says looking up at the house that took him a good decade yo built.

When Peggy asked him why the changes to the house he was never brave enough to admit that the house never felt his and Peggy’s, he always felt this should’ve been your house with him. 

“This is not her house Steve! She already has a home,” Bucky says accentuating each word he said. 

“Her home, with her fiancé” Bucky said louder coming face to face to the man in front of him. 

The words surprised Steve more than it should. He knew he had no right to complain at this point. You were free the moment he left her, he assumed you would move forward, but he felt the slight betrayal in his core. 

But who was Steve to judge when he was the first one to move forward. 

Still that voice in the back of his mind that always brought you up was, angry, to say the least. 

Steve takes a deep breath and takes a seat over the rocking chairs on the front porch. Another touched you where enamored by. 

“Steve, when we get our house he have to put rocking chairs in the front porch.” You said sternly yet a smile shone on your face. 

“Why is that sweetheart?” Steve ask as serially as he can with you sitting on his lap. 

“Because I know we are growing old together, and you of all people should know that people of a certain age like rocking chairs on the porch, old man.” You say that last part and leap out of his lap running away you giggles is all that can be heard in the apartment as Steve laughs and runs after you. 

“Tell me about it,” Steve motions to the chair, but Bucky stays still.

“Steve you just have to let it go,” Bucky tries to appeal Steve but he knows it’s a lost cause. 

Bucky sighs and sits on the step on the porch, his back turned to Steve as he recalls the news and everything that lead up to it. 

“She actually left New York a couple of weeks after you left,” Bucky recalls with sadness on his eyes. 

Bucky remembers how betrayed he felt, you where leaving him, just like Steve. Of course now he realizes it was for the best, but at the moment, he had a different mind set. 

“You are gonna leave me to? Huh? My so called new sister, just gonna walk away like him?” Bucky yells angry as you turn to him shocked face and tears on your eyes. 

“You don’t get to compare what happened,” You drop the box in your hands and sob. Your sobs clear Bucky’s head for a minute. 

“Steve left us Bucky, he left to follow his dreams, I am allowed to try to move forward!” You yell from the place on the floor as you hug your knees. 

Bucky slowly approaches you realizing that this is bigger than he could’ve ever imagined. He realized in that moment that he was supposed to be Steve’s past, but you, you that opened you life to him. 

You so soft and tender, never an ounce of judgment or regret of letting him in. 

You that tenderly took care of him, welcome him into your home, and called him your brother to anyone who would listen. 

You where supposed to be Steve’s future. 

And now all you both had left was the whole Steve Rogers left. 

“Don’t cry petal, I’m sorry,” He says tenderly as he reaches for you slowly. 

“Do you think that I want to leave my home. My whole life behind.” You say as you calm down and look at Bucky with sadness, but love for him. 

“I know Steve left you too, but you can come with me to Gotham. “ you say as you look at him with determination. 

“But New York is my home,”  Bucky tries to reason. 

“But it’s bit mine anymore,” You say softly as you hold his hand. 

“I am always here Bucky, I just can’t be here anymore.” You motion at the left overs of you heart. 

“I know I am just afraid,” Bucky rest his head on your shoulder. 

“I know but I am you sister James Barnes,” you say determination clear in his voice. 

“ Also someone’s gotta keep an eye on Sam, he’s your responsibility now you know? Handling Captan Americas’. That should be you new name.” You joke making Bucky laugh. 

“Alright let’s finish this before the pigeon arrives and see us sad. He can stand people being sad, he always has to be so happy and sunshine-y.” Bucky says as he stands up and hold his hand out for yours. 

You smile up at him as he hold you up he envelops his arms around you hugging you desperately. 

“Thank you, for being here, I am really going to miss you,” he says softly. 

“I am always here, never forget that,” you whisper. 

As you continue to hug the front door announce loudly the third person of the party arrived. 

“So I go out for pizza in the cold streets of New Yorker and this is how I find you red eyes and hugging like we are never gonna see each other again?” Sam asks leaving the two large pizzas on the table. 

“As if you could get rid so easily of me,” you say as you open you arms, Sam jumping in. 

“Never petal, we are family here.” Sam says as Bucky hums in agreement. 

“Okay that’s enough of the mushy stuff we gotta get this lady to Gotham city!” Sam yells as you all laugh. 

In that moment Bucky felt like everything would be alight and true to your word, even if you had to fly to New York or Louisiana, you where there even of it was for something as simple as birthdays, holidays, or just because Bucky was missing you. 

Bucky tells the story more of a reminder of who you where, than to tell Steve about you. 

From the past years Bucky visited Steve he never brought you up. He felt like his loyalty was to you. 

“So she left everything behind huh?” Steve wonder heaviness in his heart, but a small light shining knowing Bucky was never really alone. 

“I think thats what she needed to heal.” Bucky says standing up. 

“She was always there, at the end of the line.” Bucky says harshly and with protection written all over the place. 

“Bucky,” Steve stands up to reach him. 

“I need to go weddings gonna be next week and I can’t wait. I’m giving her away,” Bucky says as a smile makes a way to his eyes. 

“You know I always thought I’d be you at the end of the altar.” Bucky says as he starts leaving. 

“Also if you really need to know you should look at social media, everything you want to know about him is there.” Bucky says walking out suddenly he stops. 

“Tell the misses I said goodnight.” Bucky says looking up at the house one last time as he gets on his bike driving away leaving a trail on dirt behind him. 

Steve sits there for a while emotions swirling in his being. 

As he pulls his cellphone out he hears soft steps and he looks up to look at his wife. 

“Steve you’ve been here for an hour what happened?” Peggy says taking the chair next to him concern on his face. 

“I just- Bucky came over, he just needed someone to talk to.” Steve says as he tries to smile hiding yet more emotions form his wife. 

He was good at that, he guessed. 

“Oh strange he didn’t stay,” she shrugs standing up. 

“Yeah guys stuff you know,” Steve tries to laugh as Peggy smiles at him. 

“Oh this also arrived on the mail today,” Peggy hands him a white luxurious envelope. 

“Alright I’m going to bed,” She says as she kisses his cheek. 

“Okay I’ll be there in a minute.” He says as she heads back inside. 

He looks at the envelope and think nothing of it thinking its an invitation from Pepper. As he opens it and reads it he stays silent his eyes roaming all over the written words. 

            You are cordially invited to the wedding of 

                               Bruce Thomas Wayne                                              And                                (Y/N)(Y/M/N)(Y/L/N)

    Who’s nuptials will be taking place in

The Metropolitan Museum of Art.

    Located at 1000 5th Ave, New York, New York. 

Steve can’t even finish reading as he drops the paper. 

Anger and sadness fill him as he stares at the mocking piece of paper on the floor. 

He takes out his phone opening google and typing Bruce Wayne and thousands of result pop up. He opens the wikipedia article and starts reading. After reading some information he looks at the some pictures and he sees it. You and him on a red carpet for one of his galas or something smiles all over as he click the article states very clear that since you went public with him he was seen visibly happier. He can’t help but mad at him, you, and specially himself. 

He sits again in the rocking chair, the one you where meant to grow old together on, and stare at the horizon thinking of you and what to do with the wedding invitation at his feet. 

How could he get back to you?  

[agustdiv1ne]

thank you + milestone!!

damn, never thought we'd get here, did we?

in all honesty, it's been a pretty shit year. march 'til now has felt like the same month on repeat with tiny tweaks to make it all so much worse. but i'm not here to complain about the worst parts of this year, i'm here to celebrate the best ones.

this was the year that i finally started writing, that i was finally spurred to open a google doc and just type away until a tiny work of fiction stared back at me. my first one was 1k words, a rant to get all of my emotions off of my chest with an idol as my muse. it felt...great, though it also felt a bit odd writing after being an avid reader for years. i always did prefer essays to creative writing, but this year definitely changed that perspective.

i wrote that first blurb along with another fic in late july, and in early august, i asked my friends if i should post them. om august 3rd, i changed this blog from a fic rec to a fic writing blog just like that. i regret none of it.

it's been nearly five months since i revamped this blog and i couldn't be more grateful for the support i have gotten from all of you, whether it be a kind comment, a like, a reblog, all of it. i never thought anyone would like my content, but i've been proven severely wrong by this community. from my irls that are on here, to my lovely mutuals and followers, to those i've talked to a lil bit on this hellsite, to the writers whose fics i absolutely adore, to those who have left a like or a comment on one of my fics, i want to say thank you from the very bottom of my heart ♡

have a happy and healthy new year! i love and appreciate every single one of you!!

though i'm painfully bad at writing letters and getting all sappy, i wanted to write them anyways hahaha let's goooo

to @hwaddict:

my irl best friend!! my partner in crime!!!! i love you sm carly, and there are not enough words in this world for me to describe the extent of my love. you have been there for me during my lowest moments, you've seen me cry, and i don't cry in front of many ppl. i trust you with my life and i'm so glad that we became friends back in middle school bc you are one reasons that spur me to keep going. i can't wait to see where life takes us and know that while i might not always be able to be there physically (especially with college right around the corner), i will always be there for you in any way i can be. again i love you and i can't wait to conquer next year with you ♡♡

to @hopejanaee:

hope!! hobi!!! one of my irls! though we just became friends earlier this year, it feels like we've been friends for ages. it's crazy how close we grew so quickly but i am so grateful to have you in my life. you never fail to make me laugh whenever we're together and you're so chaotic but in such a good way hahaha. you were the one who got me into writing with your own wonderful fics so thank yoi for that. i'm so happy that we became friends because you're so kind and caring and ahhhhhh i love u sm ♡

to @oikawasmilkbread:

we talked for like 0.2 seconds but you are so kind and hella cool!! it was nice having random conversations with you and i'm so glad you randomly dmed me bc i am shy and i have 0 idea how to start conversations with anyone lmao. i always smile when i see you in my notifs! i hope you have a happy new year!!! ♡

to @luthenia:

i know you're on hiatus but seeing you in my notifs always excites me hahaha. we never talk but you are so supportive of everyone in this community and i just wanted to shout you out for that! your memes are top tier LMAO and i can't wait for when you come back, happy new year ♡

to @starsforten:

we also talked for approximately 1 second but it was so fun talking to you about astrology stuff (virgo sun libra rising gang hahahaha) and those teuta matoshi dresses! you are so nice and easy to talk to and i hope your new year is happy and fruitful! ♡

i recommend every single one of these blogs for their amazing content!! i added some of my favorite fics as i'm a whore for great writing hahaaaa

@kinktae

waterloo — a masterpiece! taehyung is so bitter at the beginning and it's adorable seeing how y/n breaks his tough shell. loved this from beginning to the end ♡

hot rod — the 50s slang, the dynamic between hoseok and y/n...*chef's kiss*

@untaemedqueen

welcome to seoul land — werewolf!namjoon really got me going, 100/10 would recommend

graceful gods — this is one of my all-time favorites, greek god!jungkook has my brain going brrrr

@shadowsremedy + @therealmintedmango

support system — adorable!! this is a hybrid!yoongi fic i really enjoy, and the series isn't over yet! check it out~

@bratkook

tear you apart — demon!taehyung...holy shit. i was speechless

@tatertotthethot

the doms next door — THIS SERIES OMG, i've read each part at least five times already. taekook got me acting UP

scream (posted to @yandere-society) — a really cool take on the movie scream with jungkook, yandere fics don't always appeal to me but this one absolutely did

@ateezmakemeweep

broken — the immense ache i felt in my chest while reading this, but i loved both parts with a burning passion. san is so sweet in this :')

@atinybrew

dirty free for all — the ULTIMATE demon!san fic. the writing is absolutely immaculate and this is the first fic that had me blushing down my mf ARMS

rice milk lattes and bryophytes roads — another san fic admittedly because i'm whipped for san lol. anyways, this was cute and hot at the same time and best friend!yunho made my double biasing ass that much happier

@seacottons

pan — an adorable peter pan!hongjoong fic, it had my heart going achhfhsjfjsjf

sir kiss me — circus au with san holy hell i loved every twist and turn of this

@actuallythatwaspromise

bad romance — one of my favorite yunho fics ever, punk rock!yunho x nerd!reader has my entire heart

aurora garden center and desire ink — florist!mingi had me uwuing for the entire fic, this was adorable and i loved it sm

@yeonjuncore

every single fic on this blog is an absolute masterpiece, i swear

the devil's little angel — THIS IS ONE OF MY ULTIMATE FAVORITES, demon!yeonjun had me screaming and it was just so fun to read and i loved every single second of it so much that i've read it nearly ten times now. so go read it, you won't regret it!

the boy with the horns — another of my ultimate favorites (i told you, their writing is just that amazing), woodland fey!soobin just had me going so soft :(( i literally sobbed at one point, that's how invested i was

bleeding heart — the tension between vampire!yeonjun and vampire slayer!reader had me screeching

curtain call — i have a sad crush vampire!soobin

i love you, always — this felt so..bittersweet? taehyun loves y/n so much, i lowkey cried while reading this

@angelfic

the art of (mis)communication — i am a whore for both reconciliation and yeonjun, 100000/10 pls read this i beg of you

@angelictaehyun

growing pains — ahhh once again a yeonjun fic, my chest hurt a lil bit at some points but it was so sweet!!

@neovisioned

bed of spiderwebs — spiderman!mark has my heart screeching, i loved every second of it ♡

eddie ate dynamite — johnny suh coming for my throat yet again

cupid victorious — cupid!jaehyun :'))) definitely one of my favorites!!

@domjaehyun

quarantine chronicles — ok if you haven't read this or the part two yet then you're missing out big time!! the tension, the buildup, every single part of this fic was just *chef's kiss* but multiply thay by a million

all these years — every single moment of this felt so nostalgic and the ending was so sweet :')

@caiuscassiuss

muse — i keep going back to this one constantly, the angst in this phenomenal and i love artist!taeyong sm here

@neoct-zen

loverboy — HOT, AMAZING, I SCREAMED. the blurbs that accompany this are also top-tier i recommend reading each and every one!!

@moondustis

pink + white — i'm so soft for mark i stg, this was the cutest thing ever

@loviejaehyun

can't avoid this feeling — hockey player!mark is the best thing ever

all tied up — i just- screamed as i read this bc professor!jaehyun is too hot goodbye

@hopejanaee

incapable — this is one of the best yoongi fics i've ever read ngl, it's not completed quite yet but the parts that have been posted are top tier!!

breathless — THIS. I LOVED THIS. yuta is just so hfjshhfhshfnsn and i love this sm

@hwaddict

melting point — big boy mingiiii, 100/10 would recommend

@okayau

house next to mine — frat boy!yeonjun rly got me going, cute and hot at the same time ahhhhbfnsnnf

youth — ADORABLE, yeonjun's confession is peak i love it here

run away — how many yeonjun fics can i fit in this post? (answer: a lot) definitely one of my favorite harry potter aus!! it was awesome seeing how their relationship changed throughout the years and perhaps i teared up a little at the end :'))

@starrychannies

baby steps — ONE OF ALL-TIME MY FAVORITE FICS ON THIS SITE, every single part is so well-written and ahhhhhfhdhhf chan makes me feel some type of way

my stupid — another yeonjun fic! angsty but v cute at the end :')

@baekhvuns

this youth of craziness — 40k words of pure gold, this fic is absolutely one of my favorite san fics ever!!

replacement — prince!ten makes my brain go brrrr, i love how the y/n just speaks her mind here

@masterninjacow

untitled project — i saw soulmate au with mark and i knew would already love it, and i did! pizza boy!mark at that, amazing and i adored it

more amazing blogs!!: @galaxteez, @poutybinz, @lustjoong, @bloominghigh

these are just a few of the fics and blogs i found this year, find more on my fic rec blog @agustdiv1ne-recs!! (my thumbs are starting to hurt i'm so sorry bfjshfhsh)

wrapping up each month since august since that's when i actually started posting LMAO

☆ august

03: good enough — chan

03: bloodsucker — seonghwa

04: cutie — san

09: veloxrotaphobia — mingi

19: want — changbin

21: numb — yunho

100 follower special — i reached 100 followers towards the end of august, my first ever milestone :') also my first ever time taking requests, 'twas very fun ♡

☆ september

03: on camera — jungkook

☆ october

27: oh, worm? — namjoon

31: demon days — san

☆ november

10: a letter to my love — xiaojun

23: bad for u — jaehyun

27: home sweet home — yeonjun

☆ december

christmas bash 2020 — my brain went hey what if you did this- and i listened so here's 17 holiday fics hahahaa (not all of them are out yet but i'm working on it!!)

things i plan to release in 2021!!

☆ sunflower — jimin

☆ cross — yeonjun

☆ landslide — seonghwa

☆ nice save — san

☆ red — hyunjin

☆ a secret series (that will be revealed once i plan everything) — ateez

☆ 4 unrelated secret fics oOoOoo — will i reveal them? you'll just have to wait and see ;)

there will definitely be more posted! these are the ones that are going to be my priority at first, but my imagination is always churning so expect a lot more :)) check out all of non-secret wips here!

i hit 500 followers a couple days ago! i nearly screamed when i saw that LMAO. thank you so much for liking my content because i work hella hard on it :') sometimes i feel like i don't deserve y'all really, but @hwaddict will yell at me if i say that so ig i take it back hfhshhdhg

a post for celebrating this milestone will come as soon as i finish up the rest of my christmas fics!! sorry that i'm so slow :( (hint: my requests will be open, so look out for it!)

so yeah!! that's it, sorry for the painfully long post (i'm sorry to my thumbs for typing this whole thing out </3). thank you to everyone who read this far!! i hope everyone has a happy and healthy new year, and in the words of txt's cover, fuck 2020. may 2021 be a much better year for all of us!!!

much love,

ashlee ♡

[my-name-is-apollo]

Okay! I finished reading the tyrants tomb and over all! I liked it a lot! Of course there are inconsistencies, some mistakes on Rick's side, and of course things that I didn't like because I'm a mythology fan, but whatever, the story kept me going and I finished the whole book in a day (which I usually don't). So! Here are my thoughts, in no particular order:

- My queen Reyna was SLAYING! Literally y'all! I've never loved her more!

- All ships please step aside, the only true ship we need is Apollo x Arrow of Dodona

- seriously though can we appreciate how encouraging the arrow was?

- ugh Ugly Sobbing at Jason's funeral! UGH!!

- again. JAASOOOONNNN!!! 😭😭😭😭😭

- Oh god Apollo go ahead and adopt Frank already!

- When Frank said he can't imagine a world without Apollo in it! My heart made a somersault and exploded into dust!

- I mean lets be honest, literally all the Apollo Frank interactions were good & wholesome

- LAVINIA! I love her! aksjekwkw! Lesbian! Yes!

- Meg and Apollo! MEG AND APOLLO! Meg saying she doesn't wanna lose Apollo too! Apollo saying she was like his own lil sister! 😭 I can't! So pure!

- When Apollo said "Come here...please" had Meg fell into his arms 😍😭💕💞💖💓💕💓

- OH ARTEMIS FINALLY FUCKIN CAME! But why you leave arty, not fair :/

- Apollo saying his favorite physician is Asclepius! You can really feel the love and pride he has for his son!

- Grandpa Apollo 😂

- Chiron, I want your playlist rn-

- I was irritated with Venus. Is it just me or the way she humiliated Apollo in front of everyone even though he'd done nothing was suuuper annoying? (I mean maybe she meant good, but still, ugh)

- Why DID DAKOTA DIE??? ���� he was my favorite minor character!!

- I was sad to see Peaches weak! He gets better, hopefully!

- I'm really glad Apollo said that even as a god he didn't like issuing prophecies he didn't even want to hear for the sake humans. It really gives insight on why Apollo neglected oracles in the first place. Boi was just! so! tired!

- yo Apollo's monologue about his love life had me fucked up, I was so sad when he asked himself if he had ever kept his loved ones safe.

- coming to know about Apollo's past problematic actions had me like, yeeeah boooiii, here we goooo

- Oooohhh Apollo being called out for what he did to Koronis 👀 that was some good shit. But I hope that, while remembering what a dick Apollo had been to her, the fandom will also remember that Artemis was also fucked up in this case.

- (also I don't think Apollo knew Koronis was pregnant? still, definitely shouldn't have gone that far)

- I didn't like how Apollo called it a "curse" on the sibyl. It wasn't. She asked for immortality and he gave her. When she refused him, Apollo didn't curse her, he just pointed out how she'd grew old as usual like a human, and hence suffer from old age. (But yeah his well intentioned gift itself became a curse to her so-)

- Idk why Harpocrates was ever connected to Apollo, it made no much sense from mythological point, but whatever.

- Apollo being a bully seemed odd to me but then I remembered the gods bullied each other all the time (Apollo even mentioned that they were ready to kill each other)

- Harpocrates x sibyl though?? Idk I laughed way too hard but the way they ended was really beautiful

- WHEN REYNA LAUGHED! Omg I was experiencing second hand embarrassment for Lester but gosh I'm so glad it turned out the way it did. I really liked that scene!

- I don't know how to feel about Reyna joining the hunters, but I'm not complaining.

- I LITERALLY CRIED WHEN I FOUND OUT FRANK IN FACT ALIVE AKSJEKSJJSSJ my baby boy! He is alright after all!

- The whole healing Reyna's heart kinda fell flat to me... I mean it was good, but I guess I had higher expectations (not ApolloxReyna, ofc, but like,,,,something else,,,idk what)

- Apollo still thirsting over Commodus *sigh* boy get your head back 😂

- Ella and Tyson are so precious please treasure them y'all

- omg Apollo fuckin KILLED Commodus with his voice!!!! Omfg-

- APOLLO GOT HIS BOW BACK!

- Terminus adopted Julia!!!

- DON! 😭 why???!!!

- I totally agree with Apollo on Jason's death being so fuckin unfair! 😭 Especially when Leo and Frank could escape from theirs!!

- Hazel was SO BADASS I can't even-

- Thalia was so mature in handling the situation. Lmao Apollo haters wanted her to tear him down but guess what losers? she's not a kid like y'all

- hey how the fuck was Lester even awake till the end? With that zombie wound, the car crash, his stamina gone, and burnt wounds? Not to mention the times he straight up stumbled into a tree or fell down.

- it's sooooo strange that Apollo doesn't have Roman kids. On the whole, it seems like Apollo doesn't do well in Roman pantheon, even his sister is distant from him there. Since he is the same in Greek and Roman form, I think he actually witnessed all the time how much the gods change, even the ones close to him (Artemis). It's like, he is constant while everyone else is changing. That's kinda sad. I wonder if the Roman side of his family gives him a harder time?

- I know I was big on "no romance for mc in this series" but you know, I'd like to see Apollo being happy in love for once. At least at the end of series. Ugh. Idk Rick, bring Hyacinthus back to life or give us Litpollo or smth please. (I'm p sure I'll change my mind about this later lmao)

________

'kay, from here I'll be speaking outside the series, so if you don't wanna read a mythology nerd ranting about how badly Rick Riordan needs to have a mythology lesson on Apollo, skip this part! (I completely acknowledge RR's right to interpret the gods as he wants, but I'm still bitter™)

- I really dislike the way Rick writes Apollo! He's the god of knowledge ffs! He'd know a lot of things! He is Lord of wolves! He should know the language of wolves! Like it's so fuckin ridiculous when he says I'm the god of prophecy doesn't mean I understand all prophecies. Though you can give the excuse of his limited mortal memory, it still seems like Apollo's smarter side is being downplayed a lot by RR.

- He's also one of the bravest gods, so when Rick writes him being scared / having memories when he was scared even as a god is 😒

- The whole "oh I never regretted this until now", "I never thought of this until now" seems very exaggerated and honestly, very fake. Apollo has lived for so many years. He has been human before. He spends a lot of time on earth to not know certain things he didn't know in this book (and series). He is one the friendlier gods, you'll find so many cases where he helps mortals in need. He is the protector of children and youth too! So like this entire "I came 10 years after a mortal prayed to me", "I didn't think demigod lives actually valued", "I didn't know humans felt like this" sounded like F grade bullshit to me. It is gods like Apollo, Hermes and Dionysus who would actually know mortals better than any other gods.

- just basically the trend of Rick Riordan writing off gods as ignorant being who never cared for anyone irks me a lot.

[lowkey-lokis-bitch]

our chosen family - dad!steve.rogers

request - can i request for steve rogers x teen!reader? they have a father daughter relationship ever since he recruited her for team cap. they see each other again back @ the avengers facility after a long time. reader got affected by the snap (they shared a moment before turning to dust like peter & tony in titan) her last words: “i love you dad” and she’s the last one who’ll turn into dust. steve cries, vowing to avenge her and the others. reader has strength, speed, heat vision and flight. thank u!! - @barnes-parker – i’m so sorry it’s taken so long aha but i got so invested in this story and couldn’t stop ahaha <<33

word count - 7679

pairing - dad-figure!steve rogers x teen!reader, uncle!bucky barnes, uncle!sam wilson (btw the uncle figures are so much fun to write i love it omg), pretty much team cap family

a/n - hi! this became a long one and I’m kind of really proud of it so I hope you enjoy!! please let me know if this is the sort of thing you would like to read more!! also this kinda jumps between timelines so the lil ‘—-’ are the same scene just jumps, but the proper ‘——’ are different scenes :::))))))

Stars lit up the sky as you floated above the metropolitan horizon of New York. Your mask covered the bottom half of your face, but you could see your breath cloud as the evening became cold. Landing on a rooftop, you squatted and scanned the area for any disturbances. Your eyebrows furrowed as you saw a group of bodies, all crowding around a young woman. The heat signatures they gave off were crazy, deep reds and bright oranges almost hurting your eyes. You jumped across a gap to the next building, trying to get a closer look. Then the woman screamed.

You leapt down from the building, landing in a crouch as the bodies turned to look at you. You stood up quickly, taking in the gasps from the men as they realised who you were. The first man sprinted towards you, throwing a punch at your face. You blocked it with your forearm and jammed your fist into his stomach, doubling him over in pain. You drew your knee up to hit him in the face and jumped over his falling body. Throwing yourself onto the floor, you swung your leg in front of you and tripped up two of the remaining five bodies. As they fell you grabbed their heads, banging them together just hard enough to knock them out for a few hours.

A knife flew by your face, missing you by only a few centimeters. You turned quickly, sprinting towards the attacker and buried your elbow in his face, taking out his legs with your foot. As he fell to the ground, you grabbed his body and threw it against the remaining men, taking them out like bowling pins. Walking towards the young woman, you helped her up and checked her over.

“Thank you,” she stuttered, tears falling on her cheeks. You gave her a smile, hidden by the mask, before sending her on her way. You began lining the bodies up against a wall, ready for the police, when the sounds of footsteps approached you from behind. You spun, holding your hands up in a defensive measure.

“Hello (Y/N),” a man in basic black and purple armor spoke, a quiver strapped across his back. You were taken aback by his use of your name; you had never told anyone of your true identity.

“How do you know my name?” your voice was tense, as were your fists. “Who are you?”

“I’m Clint, this isn’t my normal way of introducing myself,” the man laughed to himself, rubbing a hand against his forehead. “I’m just gonna cut to the chase, we need your help.”

Days later you found yourself in Europe with Captain America, having been recruited for his fight against Tony Stark. The two of you had clicked instantly, him taking the fatherly role that had been missing from your life. You trained together, Wanda helping you with controlling your powers and Steve taking responsibility for your hand-to-hand combat. The progress you saw within yourself in just a few days was outstanding and you found yourself imagining a life with the team, training and becoming friends. But that was a dangerous fantasy.

                                                    ———–

“Take the new guy, he seems about your age,” Steve didn’t look at you as he spoke, his eyes still focused on Tony as he ran across the airfield. “Save Buck and Sam.”

“Ah, my boys always need me,” you laughed despite your anxieties. Sprinting towards the glass building, you flew into the air and crashed through one of the walls. You landed in a traditional “superhero” pose, looking up to assess the situation. Bucky and Sam lay on the floor, tangled up in some kind of web, as Spiderman crouched against a tall pillar.

“Woah, you can fly?!” the kid spoke, his voice revealing his youth. As you considered, he probably wasn’t much younger than you, a year or two at most. How could Tony bring in someone this young?

“Hey kid, haven’t you got homework or something to be doing?” you cocked him a brow, a smirk hidden beneath your mask. Spiderman’s eyes flicked up to you, widening in shock. You threw yourself towards him, arms outstretched to tackle him to the ground. Landing with a thud, you launched Peter across the room where he hit and slid down the wall. You bolted towards Bucky and Sam, ripping apart the webs that bound them. “What would you boys do without me?”

“Probably not have all of my food stolen,” Sam muttered, standing quickly and bringing his hand to his goggles. You sent him a glare before standing alongside Bucky. Glass shattered behind you, and you turned to see Spiderman caught by one of Sam’s drones, pulled outside.

“That works,” you shrugged your shoulders, leading the pair of men towards the building’s exit. “I can’t believe you got your asses handed to you by a kid.”

                                                   ————

Deep breaths echoed, bouncing off of the prison cell walls. You sat by the bars, your arms wrapped around them and your hands intertwined. Your head rested against the cold metal, your eyes barely open as exhaustion took over your entire body. You had barely eaten, you couldn’t remember the last time they had given you water and you were sure the fatigue was obvious on your face. A sigh escaped your lips as you forced your head up to look across at Clint in his cell. He was sat on his bed, his head in his hands - as had become his usual position.

The opening of the main door caused you to look up; you half expected Tony to be back to gloat about his victory, to try and weasel any secrets out of you, but the silhouette in the doorway was taller, broader. As he stepped into the light, you heart broke and your lower lip quivered. Steve’s face was rugged, a hint of a beard tickled his jaw as he walked towards Sam’s cell. The two had a brief conversation, Steve glancing around the room at several points. You assumed Sam was explaining what had been going on. Steve reached into his pocket, pulling out a tablet that had hacked into the Raft’s mainframe. With a click of the screen, the cell bars lifted and you lifted yourself from the ground slowly. Your head spun and your legs shook beneath you as you stumbled your way to Wanda’s cell.

Wanda was the weakest of the group, she had been wrapped up in a straitjacket with an electric collar around her neck. Her eyes were sunken, deep bags hanging beneath them. She dragged her eyes up from the wall to look at you. A tear landed on your cheek as you knelt down before her, looking for some way to remove her restraints. Your breathing sped up as you began to panic, unable to find a solution. A hand touched your back, throwing you off balance as you spun around quickly, falling as your head went fuzzy. Large arms wrapped around you as your consciousness began to fade. You forced your eyes open just long enough to see Steve’s face, smiling down at you as you drifted off to sleep.

                                                          ———–

“She needs to be here, where I- we can look after her.”

“She’s old enough to make this decision herself.”

The steady beeping of medical equipment steadied your breathing as you began to regain consciousness. You tried to lift your hand, but it felt like dead weight. Your fingertips twitched and you let out a soft groan, attempting to communicate with anyone who was in the room.

“Hey kiddo,” Steve’s voice calmed your racing heartbeat as he stepped towards your bed.

“Where are we?” your throat felt as though you had swallowed broken glass and the taste in your mouth was foul.

Steve looked towards the other man in the room, who you could now see was Sam. He sighed, his head hanging before looking back up at you, “A safe house in Sweden, the whole team’s here.”

“How did you- what happened?” your eyebrows furrowed as you coughed, your chest aching with each exhale.

“Well, I couldn’t leave my best girl,” Steve smiled up at you, but his eyes showed his true sadness. “Can’t be part of a team if the rest of the team isn’t there.”

“So, everyone’s staying here? What about Tony?” Steve flinched as you mentioned the name, taking a deep breath before speaking.

“We have to stay under the radar, according to everyone we’re criminals now. Tony isn’t going to try and change that. Nat, Sam and I are going to go underground and Wanda’s gonna be with us most of the time. What you do is up to you,” Steve looked up at you once again, his eyes pleading for you to stay.

“I-I don’t know.” “I don’t want to interrupt a lovely moment,” Sam stepped forward, his hands in the pockets of his jacket. “But you’re young. You can’t be giving up your life before you’ve even had one.”

“Whatever you do,” Steve started, rubbing the back of your hand with his thumb. “We’re always here for you, whatever it is, I’m here.”

In the time after Germany, your physical and mental health took a hit. It took you days to be able to walk again, and weeks beyond that to start training. Natasha and Clint would often find you pottering around the safe house at 3am, a dazed look in your eyes and various weapons in your hands. Not to mention the nightmares, they woke not just you, but Steve who would race through from his room - adjacent to yours - when you began screaming, your lungs crying out for oxygen. It was decided that you would go with Wanda, she was the only one who could fully comprehend what was going on in your head, and you would return when you had fully recovered. Whenever that was.

“I’ll come visit as soon as Wanda thinks it’s okay, kid,” the tears in Steve’s eyes threatened to spill as he held you close to his chest. Your cheeks were already damp with salty tears as you had said your goodbyes to the rest of the team. Your arms were tight around Steve’s waist, and you didn’t want to let go. He pulled back to push loose hairs away from your face and to look into your eyes one last time. “I love you.”

“I love you, and thank you,” you hesitated. “Dad.”

———————————————————————————————————

You kicked your leg out as you leapt into the air, thrusting your foot into the chest of an Outrider and slicing another in half with your blade. As you returned to the ground you drove your foot into the fallen Outrider’s face, leaving the Wakandan dirt splattered with black blood. You wiped your face with the back of your hand, a grimace painted across your expression, before looking up to see Steve struggling against a pack of creatures. You launched yourself into the air before hurtling into the group, sending Outriders flying in all directions.

“Thanks kid,” Steve breathed, his chest rising and falling rapidly as he tried to regain his momentum.

“You know, maybe you’re getting too old for this,” you joked with a quick salute. Steve simply raised an eyebrow at you in response and the two of you sprinted in seperate directions. You grabbed a pistol from the holster at your thigh and sent bullets flying towards two Outriders, dark gore showering the dusty ground beneath you. You increased your speed as you lifted off the ground, taking an aerial view of the battle. From your viewpoint, you saw Wanda fighting against one of Thanos’ children, and she wasn’t exactly winning. You bolted towards her, your hair flying behind you as you landed on the ground, sending dirt flying from under your feet.

“She’s not alone,” Natasha spoke as Okoye readied her blade. You stood next to the assassin, fists out in a fighting position. Proxima Midnight looked between the three of you before lunging towards Okoye, blades prepared to strike. She dove, striking at Okoye’s chest as you plunged your foot into her lower back, tripping her onto her back. She rolled up easily, landing in a crouch as she kicked out at Natasha’s feet. Wanda, now up from the ground, lifted Proxima into the air and sent her flying into one of Thanos’ large tanks.

“Anyone got eyes on Vision?” Sam’s voice came through your comms and you spun quickly to see Vision fighting another of Thanos’ children. You gave Wanda a quick nod before she used her power to give you a boost into the air. You hurtled through the air to the forest, your landing ruined by the dense trees. You dropped through branches before arriving at the floor, the air sucked out of your lungs. You wheezed, your eyes closed as pain surged through your entire body. Your adrenaline was starting to wear out, and you weren’t unscathed from the fight. Looking down at your body, blood and dirt was caking your armor, skin exposed to show deep wounds. You lifted yourself onto your knees, looking up to see Vision stabbed by Corvus Glaive. You stood quickly, grabbing a dagger from your belt and lunged towards the creature, sinking the blade into his side.

Suddenly, Corvus was tackled to the ground and you whipped around to see Steve getting to his feet, yelling across at you and Vision. Vision was visibly injured and struggling to move. He nodded at you and the message was clear. You sprinted towards Steve and Glaive, landing a punch on Glaive’s cheek and kicking your shin into the back of his knee. As he fell, he grabbed your arm and threw you into a tree, your spine curving around the trunk. You cried out in pain as you landed against the ground. Steve blocked Glaive’s blade with his shield, landing a punch and grabbing the blade and throwing it in the opposite direction. Glaive grabbed Steve by the neck, throwing him onto a fallen tree where Steve rolled, grimacing in pain. Corvus walked towards the tree where you were still shaking with agony, and wrapped his hand around your neck. You gasped for breath, your eyes beginning to go hazy.

As you sucked in a shallow breath, Glaive’s eyes went wide. His body lifted as a blade protruded from his chest, revealing Vision holding the staff behind him. Letting go of the stave, Vision fell to the ground. You gasped for oxygen as Steve sprinted over, blood trickling down his face from a cut on his forehead. You crawled towards the pair as Vision’s eyes began to droop, Steve holding his head.

“Hey, you’re good,” you spoke slowly, breathlessly. “We’ve got to get you out of here, okay? I can take you-”

“There’s no way you’re doing anything,” Steve’s voice was stern. “You’re injured, we can’t risk you any further.” “Steve, we need to get him out of-”

“I know, but-”

Wanda arrived on the scene, her face painted with worry as her eyes landed on Vision.

“Don’t cut me off!” your voice was raised, filled with urgency. “I can fly him up, get him back into the building. I’ll take out all of the Outriders, I can do it.”

“It’s too danger-”

Steve stopped speaking as dark clouds appeared between the trees, an ominous noise wiping out all cries from the battle field. A large figure stepped through them, a familiar golden glove decorating his left hand. He tensed and flexed his fingers, the stones making beautiful sounds as he glanced around, assessing the area. You looked towards Steve, his eyebrows furrowed as he stood.

“He’s here.”

———————————————————————————————————–

early 2018 - remote europe

The bed creaked beneath you as you sat, the old wooden bed frame groaning at your presence. You pulled the medical kit out from your drawers, opening it to grab the antiseptic and cotton wool, before pulling up your shirt. A grimace crossed your face as you pressed the ointment to your skin, the stinging sensation dancing across your stomach. Grabbing a bandage from the box, you unwound it and wrapped it around your torso, ensuring it was tight enough to stop any bleeding. Then you moved on to the multiple wounds across your arms.

“Got yourself in kind of a bad state, kid,” you turned slowly to see the familiar face of Sam Wilson. “Need a hand?”

An aggravated sigh left your lips as you stood from the bed, “How did you find me?”

“Well, the deal was you were with Wanda. But that’s obviously not how it played out,” Sam gave you a serious look. “She told us the last place you said you were going and we took it from there.”

You rolled up the leg of your suit, cursing under your breath as you saw the bruising that had begun to appear. “Are you alone?” The uneasy tone of your voice didn’t go unnoticed. Sam looked across at you, his eyebrows furrowing slightly as he considered the team.

“We didn’t want to undo anything Wanda might have-” Sam struggled for his next word, thinking carefully of his next word.

“Fixed?” you finished the sentence for him, looking up and giving him a breathy laugh. “Well, don’t worry. I can take care of myself.”

“You don’t have to.”

The words stopped you in your tracks.  You took a deep breath, turning to face the man before you.

“You’ve heard about the Infinity Stones?” Sam crossed his arms over his chest.

“Wanda and Vision mentioned them a few times, told me a bit about them. Why?” “Some big, scary guy is trying to get them all. They went for the Mind Stone, but we got to Vision first.”

“Is he okay?” you spoke, your voice raising slightly with concern.

“He’s fine, he’s back at the compound with Steve and Nat,” Sam stepped towards you. “We need you, (Y/N).”

“Now, where have I heard that before?” you joked with a sigh, rubbing your forehead with your palms.

“He needs you.”

You looked up, pained eyes searing into Sam’s.

“What’s the mission?”

                                                          ——-

The quinjet landed beside the Avengers facility and your heart jumped the second you reached the floor. You were instantly aware of how you looked, the weight of your backpack, the noises your jacket made as you stepped off of the jet. Sam moved to stand beside you, giving your shoulder a reassuring squeeze.

“You ready, kid?”

You gave a quick nod in response, your eyes fixed on the main doors directly in front of you.

“You’ll be fine,” Sam began to walk, his large strides putting distance between the two of you. Gritting your teeth, you forced one foot in front of the other, counting down the seconds until you were inside. The training hall was the exact same as when you had left. A sense of comfort washed over you, releasing the tightness in your chest as you looked around. A small smile broke onto your face as memories flooded back: training with Bucky, long nights talking with Wanda, Natasha trying to teach you new moves, leading to you on the floor, the breath stolen from your lungs.

Footsteps alerted you to a presence behind you and you spun around to meet Wanda’s kind eyes.

“Hey,” you breathed, a wobble in your voice.

“I’m sorry, I know you wanted to be by yourself bu-” Wanda began to walk towards you, taking your hands in hers.

“It’s okay,” you reassured her, pulling her into a hug. “I understand. Plus, everyone was probably missing me tons. You know, I don’t know how they survived without me.” You feigned a confident front, but you weren’t sure that Wanda was fooled.

She laughed nervously, taking your arm in hers and leading you towards one of the main rooms. You stopped before the door, looking across at your friend. She gave you a comforting smile before opening the doors and walking in. Your body felt like lead as you stepped through the doorway, seeing the same people you had left two years ago.

Nat’s eyes met yours and she rushed over, wrapping you in her arms. Although she rarely showed it, Natasha was one of the most caring people you had ever met. It was an extreme contrast to the act she maintained, but you knew her in a way no-one else did. She pulled back, her hands on your shoulders as she studied your face. You could see the relief on her face as you took in her appearance.

“I like the hair,” you let out a laugh. “You know, it’s hard for a redhead to pull off blonde.”

“Good thing I have the attitude for it,” she smirked, hugging you once again before returning to the large screen in the centre of the room.

You spotted Vision at the other side of the room, talking with Wanda, and gave him a quick wave. He responded with a smile, still growing accustomed to human greetings.

“Where’s Steve?” you spoke softly, to no-one in particular.

Natasha turned to look at you, “He’s in his room. Something about not wanting to make you uncomfortable or nervous.”

“I’m gonna-” you trailed off, leaving the room.

The corridors were hauntingly familiar, the same lights flickering as your shoes moved quietly along the wooden floor. 84. It was still 84 steps from the stairs to your room. Your heart rate increased as your hand stroked the door handle, pressing it lightly to reveal your room. Nothing had been moved, it looked as though you had been there only yesterday. The light streamed in from the closed window, thin, white curtains sitting perfectly still. You walked slowly towards the centre of the room, dropping your backpack onto your bed. It was a weird sensation, being back in a place that held so many mixed emotions.

You were snapped out of your memories as footsteps quickly approached from behind. You spun around and saw Steve standing in the door frame, an apologetic look on his face.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t realise you were back already,” Steve diverted his eyes, avoiding meeting yours. “I thought someone was-”

He stopped talking as you walked towards him. Once you were within touching distance, your lower lip began to quiver and you wrapped your arms around him quickly, sobs escaping your lips. He sighed in relief and hugged you back.

“I’m sorry,” you spluttered, pulling away to look up at him. “I shouldn’t have gone off on my own, it was stupid and-”

“Hey, no,” Steve pulled you back into his chest. “I just-, I got scared. But that’s my fault, not yours.”

You stayed in the same position for a few minutes, just taking comfort in his familiar heartbeat. When you pulled away, he wiped the tears from your face before walking you back through to the meeting room. Natasha was now joined by Rhodey and they were deep in discussion, frequently referencing to various sheets of paper that were strewn across the table. They looked up when you entered, Rhodey folding his arms across his chest.

“Welcome back,” you hadn’t met Rhodey before, only briefly encountered him at the airport battle, but you could tell you were going to get along with him pretty well. “You heard of Thanos?”

———————————————————————————————————

“What did you do?” Thor bellowed. The gauntlet was fried, burned into Thanos’ skin. The titan looked around, a smile growing across his face, before summoning a portal and falling through. You looked across at Bucky, who was standing from where he had been thrown. A sense of unease settled across Wakanda and glancing around, it was obvious that everyone felt the same. You launched yourself into the air, trying to see the battlefield, to see if the same dread could be felt across the nation. And that’s where you saw it. Soldiers floating away in the wind, nothing but ashes. Your heart dropped as your mouth opened, your breathing staggering. You crashed back into the forest, looking around at your fellow Avengers.

“Something’s not right, people are-are-” you stuttered, your heart racing faster than it ever had. Steve looked across at you, concerned.

“Steve,” Bucky’s voice came from behind you as you turned. A pile of dust was on the floor, where Bucky’s body would have fallen. Your breath hitched as tears pricked your eyes. Steve staggered over, his heart breaking in his chest. Kneeling down, he ran his fingers through the remains of his best friend, his face obvious with distress. He looked up between you and Thor, the three of you sharing a thought. What the hell is going on?

Something inside of you felt off. Your stomach lurched as you looked up at Steve, tears beginning to stream down your cheeks. He stood quickly, racing over to hold you in his arms.

“Steve, I-I don’t know-” you spluttered, tears staining his armor.

“It’s okay, it’s going to be okay,” Steve’s voice cracked, his facade of strength dissolving before your very eyes. Natasha burst through the trees, her breathing heavy and her face panicked. You had never seen her this way before, the unshakable assassin, shaken. You fell to the floor as your knees gave out, Steve going with you. He held you in his lap, his hands running through your hair.

“What’s going to happen?” your voice wavered as you looked up at your mentor, your face tacky with salty tears.

“I-I don’t know,” Steve could barely look at you, feeling sick to his stomach. “But it’s going to be okay, I’m gonna figure it out, okay?” He nodded, trying to convince himself most of all.

Your legs went numb and you tilted your head to look down, but Steve placed his hand under your chin, lifting your eyes back to his. Your breathing sped up, panic settling in your stomach as you felt like you were going to throw up.

“I love you, Dad.”

Steve fell forward as your body dissolved before him. A tear fell from his eyes onto the ashes on his arms. Natasha walked towards him, placing a hand on his shoulder as she chewed on her bottom lip, her anxieties getting the best of her. Steve looked at the floor, his body heating with despair and anger.

“This isn’t over. I will get them back, and I will kill Thanos.”

Your eyelids were heavy as light beamed through the thin layer of skin. Squinting, you lifted a hand to cover your face and sat up slowly. Steve was gone. Looking around you could see Bucky standing up, Sam on the floor and the tree guy next to a log. But no Steve, no Natasha, no Rhodey. You made eye contact with Bucky, and confusion was plastered across his face, as you were sure it was across yours.

“Where’s Steve?” you stuttered, your legs shaking beneath you. Stumbling over to Sam, you took his hand and he gave it a quick squeeze. “Where’s anyone?” “I don’t know,” Bucky spoke slowly, moving to join the pair of you as T’Challa and Wanda emerged from seperate parts of the forest. You lowered yourself to the ground slowly, your body exhausted from whatever had just happened. Sam rubbed his forehead, desperately trying to hold it together and figure out an answer to the thousands of questions running through his head.

Your breathing was speeding up, your heart pounding in your chest; it felt as though your ribs were about to explode from the pressure. Your worried eyes met Bucky’s and he knelt down beside you, taking your hand in his larger, calloused grip. He gave you a soft smile, exaggerating his breathing to encourage you to fall in sync with his. Due to his past, Bucky was no stranger to anxiety and thus he was the one you always went to when your body started to act against you. He was more than happy to help, seeing you like a little sister and wanting nothing more than to protect you from the big, bad world. Your lip quivered before you took it between your teeth, hard enough to draw blood. Your eyes darted between Bucky and Sam, but as you looked at them you saw them looking in an entirely different direction.

A man stood before a glowing, amber circle, his red cape floating behind him as he strided towards you.

“My name is Doctor Stephen Strange. I was with Tony Stark as we fought Thanos, and I’m assuming you lost as we did,” Stephen’s eyes danced across the group, trying to devise the leader.

Sam stepped forward, “Nah, this is our victory party. You don’t see the balloons?” Despite his jokes, his voice was dark, serious.

“It’s been 5 years since our defeat,” your eyebrows furrowed at Strange’s statement. “And the Avengers need us.”

———————————————————————————————————–

“Avengers, assemble.”

Roars broke out from all around you, an army running and fighting as one. Steve was at the forefront, his shield in one hand and Mjolnir in the other. You could see the grime and dried blood that coated his face from your position, despite being fairly far away. You sprinted forward, a cry escaping your lips in anticipation of the extreme battle that quickly approached. Holding your arms out before you, you launched yourself into the air and thrust your fist into an oncoming Leviathan. The punch reverberated through its entire being and it began to fall as a white horse came flying through the air, the Valkyrie atop it slicing the beast’s spine. You sent her a quick smile before turning to observe the ongoing battle. You bolted into a large group of Outriders, a shockwave exploding beneath your feet and sending creatures flying into the air, where they were quickly taken out by Tony and Pepper. You were moving at an incredible pace, legs and arms flying as you obliterated any Outriders that dared to threaten you.

“What do I do with this thing?” Clint’s voice was familiar over comms, and instantly you knew the object he was referring to. The gauntlet.

“Get it as far away from here as possible,” the sound of Steve’s voice made your heart skip a beat. A smile broke onto your face as you realised, this could be it. This could be the end of Thanos, the end of constantly looking over your shoulder for trouble. You could have a life after this. Your eyes roamed the battlefield, searching for a glimpse of the red glove. Amongst the hoards of creatures, you spotted Clint diving and dodging oncoming attacks and bulleted towards him, your feet leaving the ground and your body becoming streamlined.

“Hey kid, not really an ideal time,” Clint spoke, his breathing heavy as he dodged under a blade that flew towards him.

“Gimme that thing,” you nodded towards the gauntlet.

“Hell no, I’ve already fallen for that once today,” he continued to run, the glove tucked underneath his arm.

“Clint,” you looked at him, your eyes stern. “I can fly. They can’t get it up there.”

The man hesitated a moment, before holding the gauntlet out to you, “Touché.”

With the gauntlet secured in your grip, you bolted into the air, your hair flying out behind you. The roars of battle echoed from below, but your focus remained on getting the glove away from Thanos. A searing pain shot through your abdomen as you were thrown to the ground. Looking down, you saw the hilt of a knife sticking out of your side. You gasped, blood trickling down your side as you brought yourself to stand again, gripping the knife and pulling it out of you. Gritting your teeth, your eyes roaming for the perpetrator as you began to run. Your feet were heavy beneath you, swinging back and forth across the uneven battlefield. Shots rang out around you, but you didn’t flinch. Once again, you jumped into the air, throwing your head back to look at the ships above you.

Bullets flew past you, bolts of energy and weapons you couldn’t recognise skimming your armor. Leather could only hold off so much, and little cuts and digs were becoming bigger and more painful. You could feel your power draining as your body began to give out, failing under the increasing pressure of losing oxygen and blood. Your eyes struggled to remain open as the air became thinner and you felt your grip on the gauntlet loosening. In a panic, you scrambled to hug the glove to your chest and you began to fall. The ground was closing in as you squeezed your eyes shut to prepare for impact.

“Hi, I’ve got you!” a familiar voice rang out as you felt arms catching you. You forced your eyes open and saw the familiar mask of Spiderman. A breathy chuckle escaped your lips as Peter raised an eyebrow, a cheeky smile across his face. “I thought you said you could fly.”

You simply nudged him in response, trying to maintain any kind of energy that was left in your exhausted body. “You have spider-legs now?”

“Oh these things?” Peter glanced at his suit as you reached the ground, him letting you down gently. “That’s not even the best bit.” He reached out for the glove, and you gave it to him gladly. You smiled at him before he swung off, gauntlet in hand. You allowed yourself a few moments to catch your breath, glancing around at the battlefield and trying to find your teammates. You spotted Rhodey in the air, thrusters lit up as he attacked a Leviathan, with Sam on his tail, shots firing out at a rapid speed.

Blood rushed through your body as you gathered your strength to stand, muscled legs holding you up. A herd of Outriders watched you rise and sprinted towards you, teeth scratching and drool flying as they ran. You gritted your teeth as your rubbed your hands together, readying your familiar fighting stance. Your fists acted upon muscle memory, driving into chests and faces, legs flying and stomping on fallen creatures. Your armor became covered in Outrider gore, staining your skin with a deep blue tint. You fought until an entire group of monster corpses lay at your feet, your breathing was heavy and sweat droplets coated your forehead. With a quick swipe of your hand, your face was almost cleared of Outrider blood and your eyes focused once again as you looked towards the surrounding creatures.

“I am inevitable,” Thanos’ voice rang out over the battlefield and you spun to see the heavy gauntlet on his hand. Your breath caught in your throat as his fingers touched, the sharp snap cutting through the dense air. A confused look appeared across the titan’s face as he turned his hand, revealing the lack of infinity stones. You gasped as your eyes roamed to Tony, who was kneeling with the stones implanting on his suit.

“I. Am. Iron Man.”

A sharp, metallic tone shattered the air. Pain was instantly shown on Tony’s face as his body crumpled to the ground. The hoards of creatures that had begun to charge towards you stopped, all seeming to share a thought. These monsters that you had previously thought incapable of emotion were scared. A quick look around the battlefield showed that their entire race was reacting the same way. The area was almost silent, only heavy breathing could be heard over your comms.

Your feet began to move slowly beneath you, carrying your body towards the familiar presence of Wanda, who was stood near to you. Without turning to look at you, she took your hand in hers, her eyes still glued to the titan knelt in the centre of the fight. Around you, ships fell from the sky, exploding as they met the ground. Fire burst out in the perimeter of the battlefield, but you couldn’t tear your eyes away from the monster stood before you. His breathing slowed as his eyes dropped to the ground, his elbows resting on his knees. He remained there for a few seconds before looking up towards Tony, and dissolving away with the wind. Your breath hitched in your throat as he turned to ash. You tilted your head up to look at Wanda as a single tear rolled down her face. She dragged her eyes towards you and a relieved smile broke onto her face as she looked at you. You pulled her into a tight hug, sobs escaping both of you as you felt her arms around you.

You pulled away after a few moments, your tearstained face smiling up at her with a mix of relief and heartbreak. You couldn’t imagine the cacophony of emotions whirring through her body. Your heartbeat was steadily increasing as you looked around the battlefield, looking for one person. Steve. Your comms were alight with conversation and celebration, making it impossible to identify individual voices. And then, from across the battlefield, your eyes locked with his. A breathy sob escaped your lips as you began to sprint towards him, your injured legs stumbling as you crossed the uneven terrain.

His arms were around you within an instant, your face pressed into his chest. Tears spilled from both of you, neither in belief of what had actually happened. Steve pulled away to look at your face, and despite being in his old uniform, you could see the weathered effect the past 5 years had had on him. His eyes were swimming as he assessed your face, barely an hour older than when you had disappeared before him. Your mind raced with questions but you couldn’t bring yourself to speak.

“Hey kid,” Steve’s voice cracked as he looked down at you, his hands on your shoulders.

“Hey,” you stuttered, your voice shaking. “So, it’s not weird that I called you dad right?”

Steve laughed, shaking his head, “It would be an honor.”

He pulled you into him once again, pressing a kiss to the top of your head. You spent a few moments just relishing in the familiarity of your family. Wanda had approached the pair of you, alongside Bucky and Sam. Steve took Bucky into his arms, patting his back as he pressed his face into Bucky’s soft shoulder. Sam jokingly wrapped his arm around the pair, encasing them in a group hug. You smiled at the action, taking Wanda’s hand once again. Once the group of boys had separated, Steve gave Wanda a quick hug, smiling at his friend. You situated yourself between Steve and Bucky, an arm around each as you settled into the comfort of your family.

Peering around the group, you noticed an empty space, “Where’s Nat?”

Steve’s face dropped as he looked around the group, “She -uh, she didn’t make it.”

Your eyes clouded over as your eyes fell to the ground. The group shared a few minutes of silence, grieving for your fallen sister. You reached to take Steve’s hand in your own, giving it a squeeze and looking up at him through clouded eyes. “She knows we won, and we won for her.”

———————————————————————————————————–

Tony’s lakeside cabin was beautiful during the summer, the rays of sun beaming through the windows. You could have sat out by the lake for hours, not a single thought crossing your mind. It was peaceful, and you felt the most peace in knowing that Tony and Natasha were at peace as well. The funeral had been deeply emotional; you hadn’t known Tony too well yourself, but seeing the effect he had had on people’s lives proved to you how important your job was. You sat on the porch, watching Tony’s young daughter as she played by the lakeshore. An absent-minded smile danced across your face, the cool breeze tickling your face.

“Hey kid,” Steve approached you, his hands in his pockets as he sat next to you. You lifted your eyes to meet his, noticing the nerves he was trying to hide. Your eyebrows furrowed, but you shifted to give him some space.

“Hey,” your voice was soft. “How is everyone?”

Steve took a deep breath, surveying the horizon before you, “As good as they can be, I guess. Bruce is setting everything up, should be ready to go pretty soon. Best to just get it all fixed now.” You nodded up at him, leaning your head on his shoulder. He responded by wrapping his arm around your shoulder, hugging you into his side. “Can we talk?”

“What else were we doing?” you turned to face him, your entire body shifting as you crossed your legs beneath you.

“I mean, a serious talk.”

“Of course, what’s up?” nerves rumbled in your stomach as he looked down at you, his well known “serious face” on display.

“I think I’m going to stay there,” Steve’s eyes dropped to the floor, as though he was trying to look at anything other than you. Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

“Where? What are you-” you stopped yourself as realisation vibrated through your body. “As in-?”

Steve nodded, his eyes clouding with tears.

“With Peggy?” Your voice cracked as you felt your throat thicken. Tears threatened to spill, but you focused all of your efforts into staying strong, for him.

“I- I can’t stay here when I could be living the life I truly want.”

You ducked to meet Steve’s eyeline, drawing it back to you. Giving him a reassuring smile, you took a deep breath and composed yourself. “I understand, and I love you. No matter what.”

Steve pulled you towards him, tears falling from his eyes onto your hair. He pressed a kiss to the crown of your head then placed his cheek on top. He could feel your chest rising and falling unevenly as quiet sobs escaped your lips. Your face was pressed into his shirt, taking comfort in being able to hear his heartbeat.

“Say hi to Peggy for me,” you smiled, your lower lip quivering as a tear dropped onto your cheek. Steve pulled away from you, taking your face in his hands. He pressed a kiss to your cheek, his eyes alight with emotion as he looked down at you.

“Do you want to come out, stand with Sam and Buck?” You nodded in response, taking his hand gently in yours. “I’ve spoken to Bucky, but we’re not gonna tell Sam. I don’t think he would take it too well.”

“Judging by some of his previous reactions, I would say you’re correct,” you laughed slightly as the two of you left the lodge. The brief walk through the forest was a daze, you barely felt as though your feet were touching the floor. You tried your hardest to take in every moment, knowing it would be some of your last with Steve, but your uncertainty took hold of your consciousness.

You reached the clearing where Bucky and Sam were deep in conversation with Bruce. The pair turned as they heart your footsteps, Bucky giving you a knowing smile as his eyes met yours. Sam jogged over, throwing an arm around your shoulder.

“You okay, kid?” he looked down at you.

You wiped your face quickly, having forgotten about the tears. “Yeah, just allergies.”

“I keep telling you to go outside, instead of stuck in your room all day,” Sam’s eyebrows raised in an “I-told-you-so” manner.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” you shoved his chest jokingly, making a beeline towards Bruce. You watched as he pulled a small briefcase out from beneath the table. Steve stepped towards you, unclasping the buckles to ensure that all of the Infinity Stones were counted for.

“Remember, the exact second they were taken, then-”

“Then back, yep. Got it,” you were surprised at how Steve sounded, confident. He closed the case, taking it in one hand and Mjolnir in the other. It still shocked you to see the magnificent hammer in his grip. He climbed the stairs, not looking back at the group of friends behind him. You found yourself moving towards Bucky, wrapping your arm around his.

“Okay, and 3, 2, 1,” Bruce pressed a button on the machine and Steve was gone. You breath faltered and Bucky reached to take your hand, his eyes still fixated on the spot where his best friend had just stood. You remained silent, not wanting to bring Sam’s attention to you, not wanting to let him know anything that was happening.

“And back in 3, 2, 1.”

You turned your head into Bucky’s shoulder, trying to steady your breathing as you began to accept that he was gone.

“Where is he?!” Sam’s voice boomed through the bare clearing as he glared across at Bruce, who was panicking and rushing around his equipment.

Bucky nudged you with his shoulder, causing you to look up and across at the bench by the lake. A small silhouette was outlined in light, white hair sitting atop of a frail, old body.

“Sam,” Bucky’s voice pulled Sam out of his confusion as he turned, following Bucky’s gaze towards the old man. “You go ahead.”

Sam walked over slowly, his hands in his pockets as he looked out to the water. You watched the conversation, too far away to hear any of the words spoken. Bucky remained in silence, your hand still in his. He pulled his eyes from the scene before him and looked down at you, trying to gauge your feelings towards the situation. “You wanna go speak to him?”

You considered for a moment before shaking your head. “We said our goodbyes, I’m okay.” Bucky gave you a soft smile before turning his attention back towards his friends. You pressed a quick kiss to his cheek before spinning on your heels, your gaze fixed on the cabin through the woods. A tear fell to your cheek as you left, leaving behind the comfort of your father. Thoughts spun through your head as you walked, but you brushed them to the side.

The future is bright, so full of opportunity and possibility. And you have to take it. For Natasha, for Tony, for Steve.

[discsters-a]

( danielle rose russell. twenty-three. cisfemale. she/her. ) in texas, VICTORIA  is more commonly known as vic. they have been riding with the R E A P E R S for five years. they originally from stratford and the soldier is known to be very bumptious  & sullen but the other club members will tell you they are feisty & vigorous. as the years go by, they’ve gained a lot of respect in the club and around town. they rarely ever drive a car but when they do popular monster by falling in reverse is usually heard blasting. ( a smile that promises trouble. an empty red wine bottle on a nightstand & the sound of old songs hummed between breaths . )

i’ll spare you any more info about me, but the same applies to her: if you’d like to drop, hit the like button !! iLY all

basics.

FULL NAME: victoria cox

GENDER / PRONOUNS: cisfemale, she/her

AGE / DOB: twenty four, august 20th 1996

SEXUAL / ROMANTIC ORIENTATION: bisexual, biromantic

ETHNICITY: american

NATIONALITY: american

EDUCATION: high school

OCCUPATION: soldier for the reapers, part-time boxing trainer

LANGUAGES SPOKEN: english

ZODIAC: leo

PERSONALITY TYPE: estj-a / slytherin 

DOMINANT TRAITS:  casuistic, adaptable, stoic, adroit, captivating, abrasive,  dauntless, incisive, meticulous, staunch, haughty, pessimistic

character inspirations.

katherine pierce. michonne. diana prince. rosa diaz.

background & personality.

BEFORE BEING ACCUSED OF HOMICIDE.

my lil bby victoria grew up in stratford and had to take care of three younger brother’s after her mother died and her dad turned into an alcoholic. she never complained about it, never said a tone about how she felt and still managed to graduate high school with good grades. it still seemed like she was living a good, happy life, even after everything that had happened with her mother’s illness. and she loves her little brothers. she’d protect them from anything world. but she still hated it that she never truly had a childhood or youth herself.

so, the second when she turned eigtheen, she didn’t move out from home because she STILL has to care of her little brothers even though they are much older now and do manage to be alone for some time, she at least decided to join the reapers. she needed something exciting and thrilling in life and because someone saw her in the gym doing karate and realized how good of a fighter she was, they asked her if she maybe wanted to join. that they could need someone like her. (wanted connection, by the way !! )

she’s now a soldier for them, fights the dirty battles and gains quite the reputation for it. she also teaches the other gang members - as well “legally” in the gym to some teenagers. that’s how she manages to bring in the money, after all. while it’s hard to be there for her little brothers, she still tries everything in her power to give them a good life.

while she turned into a really grumpy and mean person because she never really experienced any kind of proper love or friendship/relationship because she never had time for it, she’s extremely protective. especially of her best friend, daisy, of course her brothers, but also the rest of the gang. she would do everything in her power to protect those.

AFTER BEING ACCUSED OF HOMICIDE. ( tw : mention of gun )

wrong time , wrong place . a saying victoria cox unfortunately knows too well , as she truly couldn’t have been at a more wrong place at a wrong time --- especially with a gun in her hand .

she only was at the border , where the famous diablo president was shot , because someone ordered her to be there . and as much as she didn’t want to go , as much as she knew it probably was a trap , the rebellious side in her of course had to find out who exactly the person was . but she never found out & the next thing she remembers is being on the run , seeing her face all over the television and hearing her name on the radio . how could she ever go back to the people she called family ? if they thought she started a horrible gang war.... nobody would believe her.

she had lost count of the days she flew , she cried , she just wanted to go home . she had no one . nothing . not even a place she could call home . not even a penny to rent a motel room , as if she even could do that as a fugitive . 

she was on the run for nearly two whole months , before she had heard the news that camilla mendoza was alive & she confessed that no reaper or diablo shot her . victoria’s name was cleared , but she still feared everyone’s reaction . nobody would look at her the same way as before .

but because she had nowhere else to go , she decided to come home . even if everyone would probably still hate her , at least she had a place to sleep again . at least she had a family, the reapers ----- at least that’s what she still hoped she had.

[langdvnshepherd]

Hello Queen, I have a question to ask to you, I would like know something about the boys - Michael, Duncan, Jim and Xavier - what's the beauty routine of each one ?

First of all, I just want you to know that this is one of my favorite asks I have ever received because it sparked the most entertaining conversation between @avesatanormalpeoplescareme and I. I was cackling in the middle of my shift this afternoon, so I just want to say thanks for dat 😪I shall do my best to describe their beauty routines accordingly. Full disclosure, most of this came from @avesatanormalpeoplescareme and her crackhead brain so you can thank her for this gold

Feel free to hit up my inbox with headcanons for the boy’s beauty routines because I LOVE IT

Michael

This fucker is so extra and we all know it. We’re talking a counter full of serums, masks, crystal roller balls. You name it, he’s got it. Michael spends way too much time in the bathroom in the morning and at night making sure his skin is well taken care of and his eyeshadow is blended to perfection, even though he could easily keep up his youthful glow with his magic rather than spending a fortune on skincare. He definitely uses skincare with real gold in it because’s he’s Michael so of course, he does.

The major thing we talked about was blood facials. Like some Delphine LaLaurie from Roanoke type shit. He loves the feeling of the think, congealed crimson coating the hollows of his cheekbones and jawline. Where the blood came from? It’s a secret Michael is unwilling to share. But given that he really doesn’t even need to take extra precautions when it comes to anti-aging or skincare in general, it’s more for show rather than anything else.

((We also dabbled in him eating the placentas of the babies born in the sanctuary because of the nutrients but that one’s kinda weird oop))

Duncan

We felt like Duncan is probably the most “normal” out of the four. He’s got more money than he knows what to do with and he’s always in the public eye, meaning he has to put some effort into taking care of his skin. Plus, he’s not stupid, so he knows in order to look good he’s got to take care of himself and make an effort like a responsible adult.

We said Duncan has an esthetician come to his house once every few weeks to give him his little in-home spa treatment where she’ll give him a facial, thread his brows, give him one of those bougie IV drip treatments full of nutrients, etc. He doesn’t want anyone knowing how much he cares about his appearance, so he can’t risk any tabloids catching wind that Duncan Shepherd has spa days.

He gets a little botox for sure, though. His job is stressful and he deals with imbeciles all day so an occasional wrinkle in his forehead is inevitable. It’s never noticeable, just enough to keep him looking right for his age and to mask the mass amount of strain that his workload puts on him.

On the rare occasion that he does have to go into the spa or esthetician’s office, he tips them and the lady working at the front office extra to keep quiet. ((@avesatanormalpeoplescareme said every time they ask if he wants to be a part of the rewards program, he declines because discounts are for peasants))

Jim

My sweet, summer child Jim. Jim is the kind of boy that thinks you can use body wash on your face. That beautiful, ignorant fool thinks 4-in-1 soap is sufficient. He’s always staying out late or sleeping in so he’s constantly in a rush with no free time to spend in the bathroom. Sandy probably buys him skincare sets every Christmas with the hopes that he’ll start taking better care of himself, but it always ends up lost underneath his sink or never even makes its way out of the packaging and Medina ends up snatching it.

We said his partner is the one that has to nag him about properly tending to his skin. They have to force him down so they can pluck his eyebrows, in which he whines and cries the entire time. They make him sit still for a face mask that he bitches about being itchy or too tight. He complains about always having blackheads or having pimples, yet does nothing to improve his condition whatsoever. 

He’s a surfer boy, so the salty seawater dries out his skin, but the boy could not remember to use moisturizer if his life depended on it. The only time his skin sees a lick of hydration is when his partner surprises him by spraying him in the face with their Mario Badescu rosewater facial spray. Jim’s mouth is always open when they do it so he tastes it and his nose scrunches up in disgust and it’s so!fucking!cute!

We stan lil Jimmy but god bless his soul someone please buy that man some Clearasil.

Xavier

Xavier probably washes his face once every other day or so and will occasionally take some extra steps if he’s got a breakout like toothpaste on a particularly funky looking zit or a mint julep mud mask, but that’s about it. He doesn’t really think anything of it, it’s just part of his routine.

The real kicker is how much time this fool spends on doing his hair.

Xavier could stand in front of the bathroom mirror teasing his hair for hours. Toxic aerosol chemicals waft throughout his entire living space, the familiar stench of Aqua Net permeating the air. He backcombs and sprays and fluffs his precious blonde locks until they’re styled just the way he likes. Even though he’s got jazzercise class in 15 minutes and the drive is 20, he’ll be damned if he walks into that gym looking anything less than a poster child of the 80s.

[addytheheartbreaker]

Yandere! Joen x Addy x Overprotective! Nicol (part 3)

(Warning: this story you are going to read will contains trigger and 16+ that involves angsty theme, mental issues, adult vice theme, mild swearing, violence, gore blood and death of the following story. Please respect and advice not to read it if you are uncomfortable of these topics)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Joen's pov

Leaving my dear precious doll peacefully at her bed is such a grace to watch, it makes me feel happy on her safe state. Dying to be on my arms at my home, I started going back to the past where they are still alive.

Father is a great man with a huge popularity of his amusement park, "Great Roger's Madness Play". His reputation is so popular, everyone knows his name and his signature friendliness and kind heart he possessed. He is formally a boy band in his youthful days until She come to his life.

Mother is a famous singer and song writer in any ways. Her beauty stands out every man on their knees and woman and young girls inspired by her feminism and encouraged of young girls to chased their dreams. She work in many business with her family along with her sister who had a son to carry the legacy. Dad slowly fell in love with mom with a reason.

The letter he wrote for me and my brothers to read.

The Roger family has been passing its genes for generations with a twist of truths and secrets of our ancestors. Now that I understand why father loves mother, I guess I'm just like dad with my hair slick back, the perfect arch white rabbit and well.... The reason of loving a mate.

I'm so excited to mark my beloved as mine and mine alone. Well, besides my favorite bunny brother Leon who is the first one to finally mark his lover and soon to be brother in law in the future. Oh~ I wonder what she would look like when we were at the same age as my parents were? Or what dress she would dressed to my imaginable insane wedding that I've dreamed when I was a bunny. Alright I think I would be more then intrigued on what kind of girl if I finally see the true beauty behind all that elegant décor everyday? My guardian angel will take me to heaven to touch her, to feel her, to taste her-

To see how much she loves this Rabbit giving it to me~

Ugh, I losts control now. I needed her, I fucking need to confess my heart out and heal my beloved broken doll to a woman I ever gunna dreamed of. However, I need to be patient once she give in and open her heart for me, patient enough to let me get closer to her. Mother once told me that since she has a strong relationship with father with such love. Addy would be the most happiest girl to finally release those burden chains behind her back and healed all her broken crack porcelain that my pretty little doll possessed.

Now all I needed to do is to get rid of Nicol. I don't care of the peace contract we both had along time ago that I am about to break!

Anything to claim the Doll as my mate! That's what father told me. Finding the right mate to loved would do anything to claim it as mine. I made up my fucking mind to win this. Similar to how my brother Leon would back when we were still at the asylum. I also need to talk to my black rabbit brother for advice before I could finally kick the dog's ass. I'll do it tomorrow to prepared the plan. Nicol the Doberman Dog, our peace allies between our families is off.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Nicol's pov

I heard that Joen left the dog mansion quickly. Why though? I went to check on dollface if she is alright and safe. I think she is now safe.... For now....

You may be wondering why I wanted to protect her at all cost even protecting her from her mission, preventing her from activating her DEaF power eyes she had explained to my training with her, people who dare tried and harm a single hair from her and death multiple times is because of a many reasons;

She and I are no different then everyone else.... We both experience it in a horrible way....

*flashback, Nicol's traumas and Wilderness era*

The Dog brothers are not entirely as brothers who are related honestly. We were all born at the adoption withe and my little brother together until I have a strong friendship with the 4 pups. We were always together as a group because of our connection we are having and how much we grew up together inseparably. My brother will always be beside me and followed me anywhere until we all started performing and show off our created talent. We became young celebrities together until at age 11. Me, my little brother, my soon to be step brothers and my brother's siblings are all adopted by a man.

The man is my new owner, my master, the one who would take care the whole family despite we are not sure why he adopted us? Learning that the man had knew the 5 of us that we are popular of our talent and give us something that we now soon as celebrities as I formed a group of boys as the Dog Brothers. We are so happy to finally made it.... That's is what I thought of.... Right?

"Bad environment, a horrible influence of a owner, a home filled with vices and master showed me and my brothers the most wicked crime that all of us lost our innocence".

I grew aggressive and wild on these stuff. I'm so uncomfortable at first for introduced me such illegal stuff in such a young age myself. I was just 13 years old when master showed me these things. I grew slowly addicted, it is so wrong yet felt high I'm started to get used to master's drugs and alcohol

Age 14 is my start on partying my favorite clubs. My brothers are also got used to these vices as they do the same wilderness and hunting more and more. I like to fight people and greedy on devouring liquor and drugs everyday on clubs, I've earned myself a nickname as the "Wild Dog".

That is until.... The sudden arresting for illegal crimes had made us realized our whole family are in deep cursed. Realizing that we had changed to the worse which we immediately almost broke our strongest relationship that we, the Dog Brothers we once have togehter. We started arguing and fighting out of no where and I blindedly harmed my own little brother multiple times in a heated tension that I gradually said the words that I broke our relationship with my brother for eternity.

"You Bastard! How dare you offended me and my families name! YOUR A DISGRACE TO MY FAMILY!!! I'M NOT A DISGRACE TO MY FAMILY, I NEVER BETRAYED IT BROTHER!!!"

Those words are all a lie, I did betrayed them being blinded with addictions and obsessions which controlled my whole body like I'm a puppet. Crimes that added on my list while the Dog brothers are all working as celebrities as we secretly hidden our vices from public. The family doesn't want the publics eye to know these secrets which would one day torn us completely with shame

Been arrested then releasing again and again as I reached age 17.

*Imprisonment era*

"Here comes the Wild Dog! A Beast! Ooo so scary *mockingly laughs*, the lil old crazy bitch who do drugs and shit. I heard he killed a man before. He is the guy that we heard from those rumors outside, stay away from him. Such a psychopath, no loved for you and more fuck torture for you to performed. Disgusting disgrace of a family. Are the rumors are true? These rumors are for real!"

Enough! Just fucking stop! Please that wasn't me, that wasn't us!!! I wasn't myself, WE AREN'T OURSELVES!!! Curse you master!!! for making me and my whole family for losing our own innocence and our humanity to this hellhole! Go to hell you asshole!

I'm so broken right now.... I can't take this anymore with the addicting drugs and alcohol, adding crimes is one thing and yet I have almost betrayed the Dog brothers. The public has spreading rumors and news of our crime which shamed our fame and money.

At the end.... We started trying to fix ourselves and our problems to solve as we are officially released after 4 year ago of the Darkest era of celebrity, I'm 18 years old that I have already forgotten who I really am and who my friends are. I have lost my own innocence and humanity on society. Its is time for the Mcgilles Family to rehabilitated our fame, not wanting our fans disappointed and go down on us. They still loved us despite we are in deep burden from the dark time.

*flashback ended, present day. Midnight*

"Nic? Nicol? Nicolas, wake up."

I've suddenly woke up laying on the floor. Was I asleep? And I felt something wet soaking on my cheeks. I look up to see my favorite older brother, Alejandro the Jindo Dog.

"Nic, your crying. And its midnight already. Why aren't you on your bedroom?"

Ah... I think I'm still inside Addy's bedroom floor crying at my sleep as I stand up with the help of Ale.

"Sorry. I'm must have doze off when I got here."

Looking back on Dollface peaceful sleep, still in the same straight sleeping body and her stuffed bunny has dropped beside me when I first fallen asleep beside her bed. I picked up the stuffed bunny with my own hands, looking down to its innocent eyes I cried. I could feel my own body shacking as Alejandro sympathies how broken I am.

"She too innocent back when we were met.... She didn't deserve it brother.... She is as broken as I am, you and our family too."

"I know brother, I know...."

Putting back beside the owner of this stuffed white bunny to the sleeping doll as I gave a one last longing look of pity to the girl then left. I felt tired with my eyes almost shut, unfortunately.... Something tighten my chest that danger is going near. This is a bad sign.

[dykevillanelle]

in which i went to see “the prom”

my friend texted me 2 hours before curtain saying “hey i just got two cheap tickets to this, do you want to come???” and i have been laying on my couch for the past 10 hours watching shitty reality tv so i decided to be a Real Person and go

i went in knowing Nothing about it, except for that it was gay, and i subscribe to the philosophy of “sounds gay i’m in” so i was psyched

tldr go see this show p l e a s e

is it technically perfect???? no. is it the best written musical in the world???? also no. but GODDAMNIT it has SO much heart and i cried like three times

an itemized list of reasons to go see “the prom” on broadway: 

the lead character, emma identifies as a lesbian and says the word “lesbian” (!!!)

emma’s actress, caitlin kinnunen, has a voice to Die for and is absolutely spot-on at portraying a lil high school butch

ALSO BUTCH REPRESENTATION??? HELL??? YES???? 

there’s a lot of really moving dynamic around how LGBT youth interact with LGBT elders, how youth can vitalize and energize elders and how elders can guide and nurture youth, and how they can give each other senses of closure and opportunity

(seriously barry, a middle-aged gay broadway actor played by brooks ashmanskas, had me in tears)

the choreography is LIT

great commentary on rural communities and their relationship with privileged urban populations 

SO MANY hilarious inside-broadway jokes including a full three-minute roast of bob fosse 

this is niche but the SET DRESSING WAS SO GOOD 

the main couple is So Awkwardly High School Gay and truly adorable

some of the songs bop Majorly, including but not limited to just breathe, you happened, the lady’s improving, and zazz

[jaceyourself]

End of Year Wrap-Up 24/12/2018

Happy Merry to all you readers!

I’ve had a great year but all us music fans have had an even better one! Streaming services mean that now more than ever we can experience the musical output from all corners of the globe (though overwhelmingly the English-speaking parts of it) to understand different points of view, learn of the goings on in other parts of the world and most importantly indulge ourselves in a bit of a boogie. All the moods, genres and feels you could think of are out there, so over the holiday period perhaps try and listen to something new. Who knows it might break the tension with that younger/older relative round the xmas table when you find they also happen to like k-pop/jazz-funk/grindcore or at the very least you can bicker about the tragedy of the current album charts (Greatest Showman: 21 weeks!). To aid you in your quest for knowledge/excitement/small-talk I have spent almost 30 minutes curating a best-of for both albums and singles in the year of 2018. 

(NB even with my album-a-day policy, there’s no way I can get through everything I want to within the 365, so if your fave appears ignored, let it be known that I probably haven’t heard it yet. The full list of everything I’ve listened to this year is at the bottom)

So in no particular order:

Albums 

Jinx Lennon- Grow A Pair!!!

The Beths- Future Me Hates Me

The Pistol Annies- Interstate Gospel

Travis Scott- ASTROWORLD

Mount Eerie- Now Only

Cardi B- Invasion of Privacy

The 1975- A Brief Inquiry Into Online Relationships

The Aces- When My Heart Felt Volcanic

Singles

Confidence Man- Out The Window

Cardi B- I Like It

Janelle Monae ft. Grimes- Pynk

Lori McKenna- People Get Old

SOPHIE- Immaterial

Marie Davidson- Work It

Car Seat Headrest- Stop Smoking (We Love You)

BLACKPINK- AS IF IT’S YOUR LAST

The 1975- It’s Not Living (If It’s Not With You)

https://open.spotify.com/user/jaceyourself/playlist/1kFex3QLVv0l3cCqjVC6dT?si=_GqTJXrOSoSXYaMC9ra_lg

Have a great festive period and I’ll see you in 2019 :D

2018 Albums what I listened to

Floating Points- Reflections – Mojave Desert

James Elkington- Wintres Woma

Miguel- War & Leisure

Ride- Weather Diaries

Sidney Gish- No Dogs Allowed

Emperor X- The Orlando Sentinel, Oversleepers International

Broken Social Scene- Hug of Thunder

MC5- Kick Out The Jams (Live)

Public Service Broadcasting- Every Valley

JJ Doom- Key to the Kuffs

HAIM- Something To Tell You

Camila Cabello- Camila

Sheer Mag- Need To Feel Your Love

Taylor Swift- reputation

Shabazz Palaces- Quazarz vs The Jealous Machines

This Is The Kit- Moonshine Freeze

Japanese Breakfast- Soft Sounds From Another Planet

Tune-Yards- I can feel you creep into my private life

Jupiter & Okwess- Kin Sonic

Various Artists- The Passion Of Charlie Parker

Waxahatchee- Out In The Storm, Great Thunder

Offa Rex- The Queen Of Hearts

Dizzee Rascal- Raskit

Alvvays- Antisocialites

Childhood- Universal High

Marmozets- Knowing What You Know Now

Declan McKenna- What Do You Think About the Car?

Paul Heaton- Crooked Calypso

Lana Del Rey- Lust For Life

Charles Lloyd New Quartet- Passin’ Thru (Live)

Rip Rig & Panic- Circa Rip Rig + Panic

Avey Tare- Eucalyptus

Justin Timberlake- Man Of The Woods

Rio Mira- Marimba del Pacifico

Oddisee- The Iceberg

Aimee Mann- Mental Illness

Katie Von Schleicher- Shitty Hits

Arcade Fire- Everything Now

Girl Ray- Earl Grey

Ezra Furman- Transangelic Exodus

Randy Newman- Dark Matter

Dead Cross- Dead Cross

Chronixx- Chronology

Mondo Cozmo- Plastic Soul

Kesha- Rainbow

Lal & Mike Waterson- Bright Phoebus

Steve Reich- Pulse / Quartet

Orchestra Baobab- Tribute to Ndiouga Dieng

Ratboy- SCUM

Prince- Dirty Mind, Controversy, 1999, Purple Rain, Parade, Sign ‘O’ The Times

Stanley Cowell- No Illusions

Oneohtrix Point Never- Good Time Original Motion Picture Soundtrack

Downtown Boys- Cost Of Living

Screaming Females- All At Once

Rob Luft- Riser

Sibusile Xaba- Open Letter To Adoniah

Jen Cloher- Jen Cloher

Everything Everything- Fever Dream

Grizzly Bear- Painted Ruins

Bob’s Burgers- The Bob’s Burgers Music Album

Superorganism- Superorganism

Maren Morris- HERO

Courtney Marie Andrews- Honest Life, May Your Kindness Remain

Stefflon Don- Real Ting Mixtape

Ghostpoet- Dark Days + Canapés

Young Fathers- White Men Are Black Men Too, Cocoa Sugar

Queens Of The Stone Age- Songs For The Deaf

Thurst- Cut to the Chafe

John Moreland- Big Bad Luv

Aruan Ortiz- Cub(an)ism [Piano Solo]

Mount Eerie- Now Only

The War On Drugs- A Deeper Understanding

Various Artists- Pop Makossa

Liane Carroll- The Right to Love

Fickle Friends- You Are Someone Else

Nadine Shah- Holiday Destination

Various Artists- Howsla

George Ezra- Staying at Tamara’s

The Doors- The Doors

Filthy Friends- Invitation

Susanne Sundfør- Music For People In Trouble

LCD Soundsystem- LCD Soundsystem, Sound of Silver, American Dream

Mogwai- Every Country’s Sun

Kacey Musgraves- Golden Hour

The National- High Violet, Sleep Well Beast

The Klezmatics- Wonder Wheel

Hercules & Love Affair- Omnion

Mount Kimbie- Love What Survives

The Aces- When My Heart Felt Volcanic

Matthew Bourne- Isotach

Finished- Cum Inside Me Bro

Forced Into Femininity- I’m Making Progress

Heron Oblivion- Heron Oblivion

Hamell On Trial- TACKLE BOX

Confidence Man- Confident Music For Confident People

Swet Shop Boys- Cashmere

Princess Nokia- 1992 Deluxe, A Girl Cried Red

Steely Dan- The Royal Scam, Aja

King Gizzard & The Lizard Wizard- Nonagon Infinity

Sparks- Hippopotamus

J. Cole- KOD

Fat Tony- Macgregor Park

L’Orange and Jeremiah Jae- The Night Took Us In Like Family

Little Simz- Stillness In Wonderland

Lady Leshurr- Queen’s Speech

RAY BLK- Durt

Brand New- Science Fiction

Janelle Monae- Dirty Computer

Rolling Blackouts Coastal Fever- Talk Tight

Fred Thomas- Changer

Myra Davies- Sirens

Laraaji- Sun Gong

The Killers- Wonderful Wonderful

Descendents- Milo Goes To College

Frank Turner- Be More Kind

The Horrors- V

Moses Sumney- Aromanticism

Arctic Monkeys- Whatever People…, AM, Tranquility Base Hotel & Casino

Oxbow- Thin Black Duke

Dee Byrne’s Entropi- Moment Frozen

Mike Stern- Trip

The Vampires- The Vampires Meet Lionel Loueke

Gogol Bordello- Gypsy Punks: Underdog World Strike, Super Taranta!, Seekers And Finders

Umphrey’s McGee- Zonkey

Hard Working Americans- We’re All in This Together

Courtney Barnett- Tell Me How You Really Feel

Jllin- Black Origami

Various Artists- Rough Guide to the Music of West Africa

Wolf Alice- Visions Of A Life

The Young’uns- Strangers

Fever Ray- Fever Ray, Plunge

CHVRCHES- Love Is Dead

Oumou Sangaré- Oumou, Mogoya

Charlotte Gainsbourg- Rest

Daniel Avery- Song For Alpha

Daphni- Joli Mai

Kanye West- ye

Cécile McLorin Salvant- Dreams and Daggers

Trio Da Kali, Kronos Quartet- Ladilikan

Kelela- Take Me Apart

Bob Dylan- The Times.., Another.., Bringing.., Highway.., Blond.., John.., Nashville.., New.., Blood..

Lily Allen- Alright(,) Still, It’s Not Me(,) It’s You, Sheezus, No Shame

Fanfare Ciocarlia- 20

Wolf Parade- Cry Cry Cry

SOPHIE- OIL OF EVERY PEARL’S UN-INSIDES

Zara McFarlane- Arise

St. Vincent- MASSEDUCTION

Margo Price- All American Made

Bebe Rexha- Expectations

Motörhead- Under Cöver

Orchestre Les Mangelepa- Last Band Standing

Drake- Scorpion

Various Artists- Gentle Giants: The Songs Of Don Williams

Noga Erez- Off The Radar

Baxter Dury- Prince of Tears

John Maus- Screen Memories

Lankum- Between the Earth and Sky

Shamir- Revelations

Years & Years- Palo Santo

Converge- The Dusk In Us

Canzoniere Grecanico Salentino- Canzoniere

Fred Hersch- Open Book

A. Savage- Thawing Dawn

Big Thief- Capacity

Kelly Clarkson- Meaning Of Life

Dirty Projectors- Lamp Lit Prose

Robt Sarazin Blake- Recitative

Shed Seven- Instant Pleasures

Spinning Coin- Permo

Call Super- Arpo

Laura Perrudin- Poisons & antidotes

Ellen Andrea Wang- Blank Out

Lori McKenna- The Tree

Wu-Tang Clan- Enter The Wu-Tang (36 Chambers)

Lee Ronaldo- Electric Trim

Deer Tick- Vol. 2

The Paranoid Style- Underworld U.S.A.

Youssou N’Dour- Set, Joko- From Village To Town, Nothing’s In Vain, Seeni Valeurs

Gaika- BASIC VOLUME

Kasai Allstars- Around Felicite

Carly Rae Jepsen- Emotion

Noel Gallagher’s High Flying Birds- Who Built The Moon?

Anna Ternheim- All the Way to Rio

U2- Songs of Experience

Mônica Vasconcelos- The São Paulo Tapes

Travis Scott- ASTROWORLD

Nabihah Iqbal- Weighing of the Heart

Van Morrison- Versatile

Jim James- Tribute to 2

Criolo- Espiral de Ilusão

Maciej Obara Quartet- Unloved

N.E.R.D- NO ONE EVER REALLY DIES

The Beths- Future Me Hates Me

Maryam Saleh- Lekhfa

Naomi Bedford- Songs My Ruiner Gave to Me

Jens Lekman- Night Over Kortedala

The Spirit of the Beehive- pleasure suck

Tom Rogerson- Finding Shore

Paul Jacobs- Pictures(,) Movies and Apartments

Ariana Grande- sweetener

Rina Sawayama- RINA

Marcel Khalife- Andalusia of Love

Gunter Hampel- Bounce (Live at Theater Gütersloh)

BAYNK- Someone’s EP

Omar Souleyman- To Syria(,) With Love

Blood Orange- Negro Swan

Open Mike Eagle- Brick Body Kids Still Daydream

First Aid Kit- Ruins

Shame- Songs of Praise

Homeboy Sandman- Veins

Playboi Carti- Playboi Carti

Eminem- Kamikaze

Troye Sivan- Blue Neighbourhood, BLOOM

Joey Bada$$- ALL AMERIKKKAN BADA$$

Priests- Nothing Feels Natural

Rhiannon Giddens- Freedom Highway

King Krule- The OOZ

Django Django- Marble Skies

Bon Iver- For Emma(,) Forever Ago

Calexico- The Thread That Keeps Us

Mary Gauthier- Rifles & Rosary Beads

Hookworms- Microshift

Aphex Twin- Collapse EP

Rae Morris- Someone Out There

Field Music- Open Here

Rhye- Blood

Shopping- The Official Body

MGMT- Little Dark Age

Christine and the Queens- Chris

Alela Diane- Cusp

Sonic Youth- Sister

Brigid Mae Power- The Two Worlds

Deafheaven- Sunbather

Various Artists- American Epic: The Collection Disc 1, 2, 3

Rich Krueger- Life Ain’t That Long

Lil Wayne- Tha Carter V

Modern Mal- The Misanthrope Family Album

Rejjie Snow- Dear Annie

U.S. Girls- In a Poem Unlimited

The Orielles- Silver Dollar Moment

Tal National- Tantabara

Marie Davidson- Working Class Woman

Superchunk- What a Time to Be Alive

Brandi Carlile- By The Way(,) I Forgive You

Car Seat Headrest- Twin Fantasy

Loma- Loma

Quavo- QUAVO HUNCHO

Marlon Williams- Make Way For Love

Nipsey Hussle- Victory Lap

Insecure Men- Insecure Men

Kendrick Lamar- Black Panther

Rapsody- Lalia’s Wisdom

Khalid- Suncity

Tracey Thorn- Record

Anna von Hausswolff- Dead Magic

Jinx Lennon- Grow a Pair!!!

Gwenno- Le Kov

Judas Priest- Stained Class, FIREPOWER

Robyn- Robyn, Body Talk, Honey

The Magic Gang- The Magic Gang

Essaie Pas- New Path

Bob Dylan and The Band- The Basement Tapes

The Decemberists- I’ll Be Your Girl

Pistol Annies- Interstate Gospel

BCUC- Emakhosini (Bantu Continua Uhuru Consciousness)

Jack White- Boarding House Reach

Yo La Tengo- There’s A Riot Going On

Sidi Touré- Toubalbero

Lil Peep- Come Over When You’re Sober(,) Pt. 2

The Breeders- All Nerve

The Vaccines- Combat Sports

CZARFACE- Czarface Meets Metal Face

Laurence Pike- Distant Early Warning

Chopteeth Afrofunk Big Band- Bone Reader

Leo Kalyan- The Edge

Hayley Kyoko- Expectations

Tristen- Sneaker Waves

Thelonious Monk- Les Liaisons Dangereuses

Brad Mehldau & Mark Guiliana- Mehliana: Taming The Dragon

Amy Rigby- Til The Wheels Fall Off, Little Fugitive, The Old Guys

BLACKPINK- BLACKPINK IN YOUR AREA

Rose Cousins- Natural Conclusion

Nora Jane Struthers- Champion

Lilly Hiatt- Trinity Lane

The Rolling Stones- The Rolling Stones, The Rolling Stones No. 2, Out of Our Heads, Aftermath

MAST- Thelonious Sphere Monk

The 1975- A Brief Inquiry Into Online Relationships

Jhene Aiko- Trip

Don Bryant- Don’t Give up on Love

EMA- Exile in the Outer Ring

Small Believer- Anna Tivel

Vera Sola- Shades

Cardi B- Invasion of Privacy

Darkthrone- A Blaze in the Northern Sky

Sarah Shook & the Disarmers- Years

Goat Girl- Goat Girl

Vic Mensa- HOOLIGANS

Unknown Mortal Orchestra- Sex & Food

Alasdair Roberts, Amble Scuse & David McGuiness- What News

Kali Uchis- Isolation

Wye Oak- The Louder I Call, the Faster It Runs

Migos- Culture II

Hinds- I Don’t Run

DRINKS- Hippo Lite

Alexis Taylor- Beautiful Thing

Jenny Wilson- EXORCISM

[thiamfresh]

4, 9, 12, 14, 21, 24, 28, 30 -love rux

4. What villian do you believe is most worthy for a redemption ark?

If we’re talking about ones who’ve had it and i thought deserved it then ZUKO.

If we’re talking those who have yet to have one and i think they should.

Billy Hargrove. And stick with me here because I know he’s a piece of shit but I have a reason for this.

Okay so, Billy he’s really a kid. He’s what 16-17 should he know better than to be a piece of shit? yes. Does he? clearly fucking not but really, not that many people do at that age. 

Young people do shitty things, and i’m not saying it’s okay, or that his abusive bullshit is in anyway normal, but also…I get it. Hurting someone else can feel good when you’re hurting and it’s easy to let your pain overshadow everyone elses and think making yourself feel better takes president to being a decent fucking human being. (it doesn’t, dont be a dick)

Now i’m going to go of kinda fannon here so bare with me. Neil Hargrove is abusive, he used homophobic slurs against his son and is widly suspected of being a racist piece of shit and currently, Billy is his mini me and we shouldn’t like him, he doesn’t deserve to be liked, getting abused doesn’t cancel out the shitty things he does and the (not so subtle)  undertones of racism his character shows.

So why redeem this piece of shit?

Because. Stranger things is an extremely fucking popular show set in a time that, unfortunately, isn’t so different to the current climate of the world. Everything is going to shit, racism and homophobia are prevalent. It’s a show that not only draws the eyes of adults but kids. It’s a show that is setting examples for the youth of today with these characters who match their ages and are open about their emotions.

Kids will be watching it and seeing themselves as ou beautifully nerdy little heros.

And i bet you also have kids watching it who see themselves in Billy. You’ll have those kids who (again we’re going into the fanon of possibilities of season 3 and a Billy redemption) will look at Billy agreeing with his fathers disgusting world views, or at the very least not arguing against them. 

Now, you could have that end two ways. Number one, you could have Billy not question his dad, continue down the path of piece of shit and no doubt end up dying a gruesome death or getting his arse kicked by our heros again and returning home to get the same treatment from Neil.

Or, You could show the story of a kid  following his fathers views for the majority of his childhood turning around and learning and accepting. You could have a character that shows kids in situations similar to his that their is a way through all the anger and pain. that there is friendship to be had if they’re willing to open themselves up enough to see that we’re all the same and that everyone deserves to be treated with respect.

and it’s 6am so this is coming out nowhere near as coherent as i want to explain it. but i just think, characters like Billy, they don’t get redemption arks because they don’t ‘deserve’ them. They’re old enough to know i’s wrong, they’ve done this in the pst and blah blah blah and yeah, it’s true. but, fuck, i don’t care if you’re 17 or 57. Things like Racism and homophobia are learned. It’s ignorance. And to show a story about someone overcoming their ignorance and putting their crap aside for long enough to learn is important. 

A story of someone like Billy being brave enough to tell his father to fuck off and learn tolerance and acceptance is something we need. IT’s a story that may well resonate better with young kids in conservative households listening to their parents using slurs and spreading hate. It’s a story that says it doesn’t matter how you were brought up, you are in control of your own life, you make your choices and you can choose whether to be a piece of shit or a decent human being.

And it teaches those all ready open minded people that someones past, although it does hold weight, it doesn’t define them. That saying and doing shitty things doesnt mean you can never change, just because someone has said or done something ignorant and wrong in the past doesn’t mean they can never learn to be accepting.

In conclusion, is he worthy? No. Should he get it anyway..yeah, honestly, id be up for showing that you can out grow ignorance and that theres a way out of the ideals your family istilled in you other than like death or epic humiliation like most shows do to these types of characters.

9. What were you almost named as a baby?

My Mum really wanted to name me Tyranny. Like..yeah…wow. She says it sounds pretty, me and my brother will forever shame her for it. But my brother was almost called Xaiver only saved because my mum ‘couldn’t pronounce it’ so honestly, I think I had the better end of the almost name stick.

12. Favourite smell

My best friends clothes. I don’t know what he uses but fucking hell it smells so good. He sent me an old top of his last year and i slept with it over my ace or like a week because his clothes always just smell so fucking good. The smell hasn’t changed since we were 12 either. It’s ust iuhgihirh so good. Like spicy pine or something idk, whatever it is it has my soul.

14. How many friends do you have that don’t live in the same country as you?

Close close friends i’d say like 5. Then i have another like 15 that i love and want to meet but we don’t talk quite as much as those like main 5.

21. How many people have you thought “Glad I don’t have to interact with them ever again” about?

Like 348 (my school class minus my best friend). No but seriously, i don’t think i’ve every really thought that? There are loads of people i’m so very glad i won’t have to interact with for long periods of time, but I still wanna keep them facebook friends so if i ever become succesful and pretty i can dangle it in their faces.

oh actually, when i was a kid i had this babysitter who’d padlock me and my brother into the room we were in and i was super happy when i realised i’d never see her again.

24. Whats the strangest website you have bookmarked?

I don’t have many weird things bookmarked tbh?? I have ‘a history of children’’ and 3 taps in a row of 100+ plastic test tubes on ebay but they’re all pretty normal, just fanfic and publishing agencies i’ve submitted too.

28. What is the coolest name that you would never name a real human child?

Duude, i’m up for calling my child Sirius Nagini, so like…i don’t really have many limits.

30.How do you feel about snails?

I fucking love snails. They’re so chill, they’re just wandering around, doing their own thing, eating and lounging in the rain. I once found a snail on my bed and i adopted that little uck or like eight hours, he just sat on my hand while i typed, moved around tracing lil slime circles on my hand. Loved tht little fucked, i was heartbroken when i had to take him outside. Found him a nice patch of leaves to chill on though. Whenever i step on a snail accidentally because it’s dark and i’’m not looking and i hear that crunch a bit of my soul gets chipped away. I’ve cried more than once because I stepped on a snail.

[herestoallmydreams]

Been A Whileeeeee!

it’s been 6 years since I’ve written anything & a lot has happened in this time! 

-graduated college

-worked at a private school

-it became toxic

-jobless/ on the huntttttt ---- in my feels & connected with art again

-worked at a public school 

-was burdened & sick from mistreatment of a student & me (employee)

-decided to leave bc no benefits & fulltime with that mistreatment

-got a full-time & stuck it out

-CORONA virus & q’s of job again with possible district switch

I think that is a pretty accurate timeline of major events that have happened in my life over the span of 6 years. I also have grown so much in self discovery & development.... Grown stronger in my confidence, abilities, financial literacy, and understanding what I like/ don’t in relationships and dating.

Yea, I said relationships & dating!! bahahaha I think this is the biggest one here! I didn’t include this in my life update bullets but this has def been a large area of growth for me over this span.... starting with the fact that I actually have some experience to talk about that is “real.” Not to say that college crushes, summer fun romances & a “friendly” first make out are not real, but I actually fell in love.... with an older guy overseas in the summer of 2015. I was 23 and he was 31(8 year difference) and we were in love. I resisted the whole way through but it grew strong for me and I lost myself a bit in the process. 

Essentially, what I was afraid of happened... I didn’t wanna love him more, care more and feel unloved and uncared for. but that is what happened after 2 years together. I was all in and pulled back from flesh temptation bc I knew If we’d be together in person the expectation would be there so I treated it like if i wanted it to be my forever and resisted. That created more distance & made me feel more unloved. It hurt like hell in short. I turned to manipulation and I cried way more than I should have. But it’s done. I miss the companionship but I missed it months before we were “officially” done. 

Then oddly enough years later online dating apps has become a huggge industry and a really big trend. Hope & Ayo both met their  bf’s on their and encouraged me to get out there and date.

In 2018 and 2019 I still was “getting over” my ex in a way, but each year I felt better. By 2019 winter, I made a profile & started swiping. It was good to think of myself and dating.... experiment and get out there in a way. I went on A LOT of first dates and chatted with numerous guys to potentially date. It was fun and exciting. I found different people brought out different sides of me and I enjoyed getting to know new people and myself in the process. 

3 guys stood out most in my short 6 or so months of dating, Atabek, Mark & Tolga. 

-----First off Atabek was a beautiful man. I was most attracted to him but when we dated I think I was too unsure of what I wanted. He asked what I was interested in & I didn’t say one way or the other. I wanted to see him more (most of everyone I went out with but sadly it didnt really work out. I didnt hear from him.) 

------Mark was a black guy and a good person to text with. I enjoyed conversation but he didn’t seem ready to really date me. IDK if it was he didnt want things to be to serious or what.... He took forever to go out with me but i think it was an alright date all n all. With him i learned to let the guy be the gentleman--- if he tries to do something for me, don’t resist. Also, be myself but don’t be too much myself to scare him. (blew out my afro and it was hugely huge that day hehehe 

------Lastly was Tolga, ohhh Tolga. He was really good looking too like Atabek.... but in a more youthful kind of way. He was younger and very eager to date me. I think it was really that he was really eager to have a girlfriend. We went out 4 times in a couple weeks but texted/knew each other for a long time. With him I learned that I shouldn’t be too much in my head, but also if my gut is telling me something is missing then listen too.

 With him there were little things that i noticed as “red flags.” He associated with black culture & felt knowledgeable enough to speak on things bc he had black friends. also he was “pressed” to be exclusive. I should have let him kiss me at some point (ie get outta my head with it) but also i think a part of me knew that he was more superficial and I wanted to be with someone i connected with more on a deeper level. Mark i connected with more on a deep level but he was to wishy washy. Atabek I connected more on a physical level with him and some on a deep/ cultural level but I was the wishy washy one. 

Throughout all of this I know more of myself & what I am looking for. I am someone who takes time to grow to really like someone.... enough to want to call them and talk. I have to connect on a deep level and in order for my real attraction to develop for someone. I am also a bit fearful that I will let my guard down and love someone but their love wont be as strong and true as mine.

I want to be in a relationship where the love grows stronger and isn’t fleeting. One where he is patient and kind to me and takes the time to get to know me and love me. I want a slow roasted marinated kind of love, not a microwave minute kind of love. I want to be in a relationship with a man who is sure of himself and secure in himself in a way that he is cool with waiting to woo me and for me to let my guard down. Lastly, I want a man who will communicate with me when something is not working. One who can communicate gently but firmly what he wants and needs and is open to hear the same for me. I want to be clear in what i want and need too & be able to communicate that in a way that is gentle & firm too. 

Building security in a personal relationship with self allows for building security in a personal relationship with someone else. Being vulnerable with yourself and facing those things helps you to do so with your partner too. I saw that with each of these connections I built over the last few years too & I’m so grateful for what I’ve learned & how I’ve grown. 

I think at this point in life I have certain ideas about what my life should look like & where I wanna be when I meet/date the right guy, but honestly, heaven only knows. In my mind I want it to be in a couple years still, but in my heart, I think I’m really ready to be in a committed relationship. I saw myself being in a short dating relationship and getting married after a year or so of courting.... but I am open to dating for a little more of an extensive time (2-4 years) to get thing in order financially from this point in life. 

I’m 28 years old. Age is only a number but it does feel different when friends around you start to pair of and start their new lives together. It’s a beautiful thing. Most of the time I am happy for people but i have to watch myself. I have noticed at brief times quick flashes of jealousy like “how did they get to buy a home on their own” or wow, i can’t believe that they are getting married, having kids, or ohhh gosh another person from college is married. It has been interesting at times. Even people younger than me, finding love or being in a relationship. Sometimes hope complains but Im like hey, it’s something great ya got there. 

I know everyone is different though and I am def not Hope or Ayo or Morgan or any of my other friends. I am me & I gotta keep faith that someone right is out there for me & trust in God’s timing and plan. He works things so that I can learn along the way & this way, when it is time for me to be with the right person, I will be the right person.

Anyways, this post was very very long but it’s been a while. :) kinda glad i have a space for this bc quarantine has been making me a lil loopy the last couple weeksssssss. That and period hormone thingssss mehh. 

the end for now!

[imagine-wannaone]

Park Woojin Soulmate Au

I wasn’t sure what to put on the collage, so it’s a bit make do, heh. Here’s Woojin~

• Your soulmate key is one of the rarest there is,

• Hundreds of years ago everyone was attached to their soulmate with a red string, their pinkies tied together,

• Only a few people could see the strings, and that’s where the trouble set in,

• Because there’s no fun if there isn’t any drama right?

• (That’s a lie, there’s plenty of fun in peace kids),

• The people who could see the strings where often forced to cut them and tie the wrong ones together by people who found someone who thought would be better than their soulmate, which always ended in heartbreak, 

• Or to tell people who they were connected to, which cursed the couple,

• They were people considered as powerful as Royalty,

• But then fate caught on and decided it should mix things up,

• Children began to be born with no red strings, but other soulmate keys, ones that can’t be tampered with,

• Evolution at its best really,

• But there’s still a small amount of people who still have red strings, and one of those people happen to be you,

• In theory it’s the best soulmate key right?

• I mean it should be but nope,

• There still seems to be some people out there that cut the strings,

• You where in a maths class in your last year of school,

• I mean you where begging for a distraction from trigonometry, 

• But you did not mean this,

• You where copying an equation when your hand jolted suddenly then the slight tension that was always there disappeared,

• You watched in horror as your string shrunk to just a frayed end tied to your finger,

• Either a complete douche had gotten bored and cut a random string,

• Or even worse, your soulmate had found someone they thought they could love more than you,

• (You don’t realise until later but maybe you don’t want a soulmate who’s that selfish),

• Your stomach felt like it does when you go into roller coasters, but there was no joy in this,

• Your throat seemed to close and you couldn’t breathe,

• All you could think was that you where never going to meet your soulmate,

• You’d heard stories of people like you, but it seemed so unreal,

• The person who was perfect for you, the person who you where made for, you where never going to meet them,

• Yeah, you didn’t go to school that week,

• You only went the next week because your friends told you there was a huge test, and you weren’t going to let your now non existent soulmate get in the way of good grades,

• Maybe you didn’t ace the test, but when word got around of what had happened, your teacher gave you some extra points, 

• It was the first time you cried over it because it finally sunk in,

• When everyone would be growing old with their soulmate,

• (Or those people who don’t grow old until they meet their soulmate would be living life young)

• You’d be growing old alone, maybe with a few cats or a couple of dogs, and small army of hamsters,

• Okay maybe not totally alone,

• This would be the part when you would slip into a long depression, and start to live life as a recluse writer that only published heart break stories,

• As much as that seemed appealing to you, you literally couldn’t despite how much you tried,

• And you tried,

• (A girl’s allowed to feel sorry for herself okay),

• Your friends where always taking you to see a new film or to walk their dog or to go biking together,

• Or they’d sit silently in your room with you and simply reassure you with their presence,

• In a world that centers around romantic love, you found the magic in platonic love,

• Although there may be no key, you became a firm believer in platonic soulmates, because you’d definitely found yours,

• So yeah, you didn’t get to be a mysterious recluse, you carried life on like normal,

• Although you felt happy for 2 soulmates when they met, you couldn’t help but be envious as well,

• How could you not though?

• Don’t we all want things we can’t have?

• Everyone always does this thing where they apologize although they’ve done nothing wrong?

• It always makes you feel awkward and a lil sad,

• You just need to keep thinking that if you didn’t get cut off you wouldn’t have found the beauty of friendships so amazing,

• But one day you’re at a cafe waiting for a friend and you spot him,

• A boy who also has a red string,

• The first time you’ve ever seen someone with the same key as you,

• And that string is also frayed and snapped,

• You almost scream,

• Are you all cursed or something?

• You contemplate starting a support group but then you realise you’d have to attend and it puts you off,

• You sit yourself down in the chair opposite him, no plan at all,

• You would panic but it seems you’ve lost your mind so there’s no use,

• “So, how many times have you lied about your key to avoid questions and condolences?”

• Yeah you’re straight forward, but you’ve always craved to not have to tip toe around the subject,

• To talk do someone like you with no barriers,

• So you’re projecting your feelings into others, that’s totally healthy.  . .

• He looks up at you with complete confusion first, eyebrows scrunched adorably,

• But he looks so tired and lonely and your heart aches,

• But then his eyes drift to your pinky, where you’re swirling the snapped piece of string around your other fingers, something you always did you ground yourself,

• His eyes light up a little and he half smiles, you take it as a breakthrough,

• “I’ve lost count, you?”

• Not gunna lie, you nearly always do,

• But who tells the truth nowadays anyway?

• Not you, nope,

• The conversation doesn’t exactly flow, with brief gaps and silences, but it’s so refreshing to find yourself completely free to talk and relate to someone,

• You find out Woojin just woke up one day with his string broken,

• And he did take the recluse lifestyle,

• But you won’t let him continue no matter how easy it is to let him,

• You become someone your friends where to you,

• You constantly ask him on ice cream dates or to sleep round because you’re lonely,

• You found your tactic -

 • Woojin will do anything to make sure you don’t feel the same sadness as him,

• So if you say you’re lonely or feel lost

• (Which is only a lie 50% of the time)

• He’ll head straight over, and both of you benefit,

• You slowly manage to bring Woojin back to life,

• You remember the first time you got him properly laugh,

• You had begged him to go 2 person kayaking with you for weeks,

• (You said you had no one to go with and he gave in quickly enough),

• You guys where floating along until you thought you saw something in the water, leaned over to look and capsized the both of you,

• You Remember scrambling to get back into the small kayak, but stopping dead when you saw Woojin,

• He was clinging onto the boat opposite you and he just cracked up laughing,

• He has a snaggletooth?!?!?

• What is this angel music? Why had it been blocked for years?

• You’re ready to fight whoever cut Woojins string because his soulmate is seriously missing out,

• You feel awful, but your kind of glad his string was cut,

• From that point on you’re sucker,

• You bring Woojin back to earth and you discover he’s just a huge dork, not some mysterious figure,

• You’re sat on some swings, waiting to watch the sun rise because you’ve always wanted to and you dragged Woojin along,

• You watch the pink glow mix with the orange and blues and - 

• “Hey Y/N, I’m not glad I got my string cut, but sometimes I think it’s not so bad anymore,”

• You cry and he panics and doesn’t understand but that one phrase means the whole world to you,

• It means you’ve brightened someone’s world to the point they don’t feel alone anymore,

• And it kind of knocks the breath out of you,

• The falling feeling you had since your string was cut decreases significantly and you feel happy,

• Well and truly happy for the first time in years,

• He wraps his arms around you as you cry with happiness, his warmth a comfort you slowly get used to,

• You don’t know what the love for a soulmate feels like, but if it’s anything like what you feel for Woojin it’s overpowering and incredible, 

 • You two never discuss a relationship but you just fall into a conventional couples routine,

• You move in together and sleep in the same bed so you two never feel lonely together,

• You always tell each other you love each other, it isn’t labeled as which sort of love but it doesn’t matter,

• You snuggle under blankets and kiss each other sweetly, a physical contact that makes butterflies float in your stomach,

• You both aim to cheer each other up even when you need it yourself,

•Both total dorks together that joke and act like kids and although you had an old heart at a young age, you make each other youthful again,

• (Because you both deserve the happiness this soulmate au deprived you of),

• Sure you’re both a type of broken, but you’re broken in such a way you fit together anyway,

• Things aren’t perfect, you disagree and occasionally argue, but from this you get to enjoy the happy moments in a way people who never have downfalls wouldn’t understand,

• You may not be soulmates, but you still hold pieces of the other in your hearts,

• Maybe you have a different red string, one that tangles and knots, but is still there,

• You’re unconventional with no solid lines on what things mean or what you are to each other, people often don’t understand your relationship,

• But none of it matters when you no longer feel the loss or loneliness,

• Because you have someone to grow old with,

• And whether that’s romantically or something else entirely, doesn’t matter in the slightest

((I actually had a different version of this written up but then I deleted it all and started again, so here we are, hope you enjoyed~))

[jebsplayshss]

RULES: ANSWER THESE 92 STATEMENTS AND TAG 20 PEOPLE.

i will never make it to 20 ppl but UHMMMMMM thank u @principal-mc for the tag urs was rly fun to read!!! so yes let’s jump into this LOL

THE LAST:

1. Drink: pineapple green tea boba 2. Phone call: a j-job interview 3. Text message: dnd group LMAO 4. Song you listened to: afterglow // teenage wrist 5. Time you cried: last week cuz i was catching up to bnha manga and i love all might

HAVE YOU:

6. Dated someone twice: LMAO i’ve never dated 7. Kissed someone and regretted it: nah 8. Been cheated on: nah 9. Lost someone special: yah 10. Been depressed:  Yah 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: DSJFKDSJFS YEAH..........

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS:

12. yellow!!! all shades of yellow!!!! i love yellow!! 13. blue!! also all shades of blue!!!!!!! 14. green!!!! all shades!!!! it’s so fresh!!!!

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. Made new friends: yah!! 16. Fallen out of love: nah 17. Laughed until you cried: YAH 18. Found out someone was talking about you: oh yes and it was HILARIOUS 19. Met someone who changed you: i think every1 i’ve ever met has changed me and i’m grateful for it no matter if it was good or bad tbh 20. Found out who your friends are: yes but i want it on record i love everyone i’ve ever been friends with even if in the end they sucked 21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: n-no?

GENERAL:

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: most of em i think!!! a couple of internet friends, but fb is reserved for irl friends LMAO 23. Do you have any pets: i have two doggos and two cats and an aquarium!!! i love all my pets qq 24. Do you want to change your name: eh 25. What did you do for your last Birthday: we went out for sushi!!! 26. What time did you wake up: around 11am sdgfdsgdfs 27. What were you doing at midnight last night: drawing LMAO 28. Name something you can’t wait for: i’m literally excited for each new day!!! every day is full of possibilities and even tho i may spend a lot of those days sittin at home drawing ocs at least i can be excited abt it!!! 29. When was the last time you saw your mom: mayhaps five minutes ago 30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: i think i’m v go w/ the flow and look at things brightly so: i wouldn’t rly change things! but if i could, i think life would be easier on me if i wasn’t diagnosed w diabetes ;v; 31. What are you listening right now: your deep rest // the hotelier 32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: i almost said no but i DO know a thomas and that’s damn close enough 33. Something that is getting on your nerves: (i’m too pleasant i can’t think of anything i’m rly pissed abt right now haha) 34. Most visited Website: twitter i think :”o 35. Mole/s: i have a couple of moles on my face & left elbow ye ye 36. Mark/s: i have stretch marks and cat scratches hAHA.... i think a lot of the scars i have are like, cat inflicted, and the few times i’ve hurt myself either doing sculpture or cooking LMFAO.. 37. Childhood dream: UHHH i wanted to be a fashion designer!! deep down i’d still like to do that hehe 38. Hair color: black!! 39. Long or short hair: it’s getting long!! i used to do a 1920s bob cut to my hair a lot but i’ve liked growing it out ;o; it’s past my shoulders now!!! 40. Do you have a crush on someone: nope lol 41. What do you like about yourself: oh!!!! i used to hate myself a whole lot, but now i can say w confidence that: i like me. i like everything about me. i like that part of me that learned to like myself best. <3 42. Piercings: just ear piercings!! my mom got em done when i was a few months old ;v; 43. Blood type: i am 90% sure i’m O negative 44. Nickname: AJ!!! Jebs!!! Mando!!! 45. Relationship status: single and not caring LEL 46. Zodiac: taurus sun! cancer moon! taurus rising! 47. Pronouns: she/her, they/them! :> 48. Favorite TV Show/s: warehouse 13, dark matter, power rangers, kamen rider, sense8, friends, parks & rec, age of youth, the x files, atelier 49. Tattoos: none but i want one qq 50. Right or left hand: righty!!  51. Surgery: nopeee 52. Hair dyed in different color: i bleached my hair once in like.... 8th/9th grade.... we do not. speak of that, ever 53. Sport: i love sports but i don’t play on teams anymore haha x_x!!! i used to do basketball and karate!!! i like hiking, badminton, and bowling, too!!! i think i love hiking the most tho i don’t think it’s rly a sport LMAO 55. Vacation: i like roadtrips!!! i like traveling in general!!!!! it’s fun to explore and see the world around us and meet people and experience things!!! 56. Pair of trainers: i have reeboks & vans isos......! i like my vans best tho LMAOO they’re stylish and comfortable for walks

MORE GENERAL:

57. Eating: i last ate ginisang ampalaya w/ mango & bagoong ;w; 58. Drinking: rn i’m chugging water LMAO 59. I’m about to: d-drawwwwwwww 61. Waiting for: sleep qq 62. Want: g-gas money 63. Get married: nahhhh 64. Career: graphic design or journalism qq 65. Hugs or kisses: hugs ;o; 66. Lips or eyes: eyes!! 67. Shorter or taller: i’m rly tall s-so i don’t have a preference either way actually ;v; 68. Older or younger: eh 70. Nice arms or nice stomach: ah... i think i like arms best qq 71. Sensitive or loud: haha....... i dunno.......... i suppose someone who meshes w/ my personality well......... tho i suppose i’d like someone more extroverted ;v; 72. Hook up or relationship: i!!! dunno. i don’t think i rly mind or care HAHA 73. Troublemaker or hesitant: there is nothing wrong with a lil bit of rebellion

HAVE YOU EVER:

74. Kissed a stranger: nah but that sounds fun 75. Drank hard liquor: yah 76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: i stopped wearing contacts cuz i lost them all the time ashdjfjdsfds 77. Turned someone down: yah and mostly it’s been pleasant 78. Sex in the first date: nope but i am.... unopposed...... wow i sound like a Freak zamn 79. Broken someone’s heart: GOD I HOPE NOT THAT’S A LOT OF PRESSURE 80. Had your heart broken: y-ya but not in the way u think ;o; 81. Been arrested: nope i’m CLEAN and absolutely did not just talk abt underage drinking officer 82. Cried when someone died: yea........... 83. Fallen for a friend: nope and thank God

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

84. Yourself: yes!!! i am a bright and wonderful person and i’m capable of anything i put my mind to!!!!!!! 85. Miracles: yah cuz idk how i passed math 86. Love at first sight: me w/ food 87. Santa Claus: i cannot confirm nor deny his existence. santa claus is the ultimate cryptid 88. Kiss on the first date: why not lmaoooo 89. Angels: yah

OTHER:

90. Current best friend’s name: NOOO i have too many beloved best friends 91. Eyecolor: brown HAHA....... 92. Favorite movie: i can’t pick one so here’s a top 10 list: the fifth element, amelie, moonrise kingdom, kiki’s delivery service, princess and the frog, treasure planet, suspiria, how to steal a million, practical magic, & under the tuscan sun

i’d have put more wes anderson movies but...... i truly like moonrise kingdom best.... this is what happens when ur a film hoe u can’t keep urself to one movie cuz i wanna talk abt all of them bye

TAGGING: @pixelberry-pippa @pixelberrygardens @diamondsaregold @hollyashton @maxwellbaemont @jakesmckenzies @stormholt @thedarknessoftheendlesshss @hermiethefrog @quinn-kelly @i-am-a-fandom-hoe @zigsexual @playhwu-hss @annelysesadair @quinnskelly @punexpectedly @protect-drake @joyfulchoices @elenasanchez @hssuser OHO I DID IT NICE HAVE FUN ALSO U DON’T HAVE TO BUT Y A H

[tinymixtapes]

Column: Favorite Rap Mixtapes of August 2017

With a cascade of releases spewing from the likes of DatPiff, LiveMixtapes, Bandcamp, and SoundCloud, it can be difficult to keep up with the overbearing yet increasingly vital mixtape game. In this column, we aim to immerse ourselves in this hyper-prolific world and share our favorite releases each month. The focus will primarily be on rap mixtapes — loosely defined here as free (or sometimes free-to-stream) digital releases — but we’ll keep things loose enough to branch out if/when we feel it necessary. (Check out last month’s installment here.) --- YoungBoy Never Broke Again - AI YoungBoy [stream/download] There are a couple reasons that make me surprised that YoungBoy Never Broke Again (formerly NBA Youngboy) is only 17. First, he burst onto the national scene last year with a near fully-formed sense of melody and songcraft, the vanguard of a Baton Rouge youth movement with seemingly limitless potential. The other is that his life has aged him far beyond his years. The Baton Rouge set like guns, and not just for show; a recent New York Times profile reiterated the message underlying every co-sign from YoungBoy’s more-established peers: leave BR or perish. The comeback record after a prison stint is something of a rite of passage, and yet it’s impossible not to wonder how many more lie in YoungBoy’s future. If you’re looking for “real,” this is it: a promising young star racing against pre-fame charges and a time bomb of an environment that, as all that he’s known, is understandably difficult to abandon. –Corrigan B --- Deem Spencer - We Think We Alone [stream] Deem Spencer opened the final Yule Prog. At 22 years old, he might not realize how big of a deal that is. Shit, the world probably doesn’t realize how big of a deal that is. I may be the only person who thinks that’s a very big deal. But history will absolve me too, damn it! I digress. Deem Spencer proved he could rap his ass off with last year’s Sunflower, and his latest, We Think We Alone, is already something totally different. It’s the sound of a guard down, a garden, a gargantuan heart springing hope eternal. It’s really nice. –Samuel Diamond --- Wifisfuneral - Boy Who Cried Wolf [stream/download] Aesthetically, Wifisfuneral’s second record is standard Floridian fare — it wouldn’t even be a stretch to call it a composite of ideas that have emerged from the peninsula’s SoundCloud scene as of late, scampering across bars at Ski Mask the Slump God’s jawless clip, paving his way with Cris Dinero’s plosive kicks and a menacing presence more akin to a horror flick’s titular spiritual entity than a typical trap-villain. Boy Who Cried Wolf’s a conservative follow-up to the January release of When Hell Falls, an introspective dip into wonky boom-bap production, the sort that populated Pusha T’s King Push prelude, only more dreary and droned-out. This time around, Wifi’s brought bangers by the bushel, immolating synth bells with hypnotically-present bass while nimbly stuffing these brief beats full of triplet flows and the distinctive voices of his featured friends: 458 Keez’s bratty resemblance to Lil Wayne, Danny Towers’s impossibly deep snarl, and CHXPO’s slurred near-giggle, (my personal favorite contribution). This is Wifi’s last nuanced tape to date, but it’s also his most replayable. Even when the 20-year-old emcee’s borrowing sauce, he makes it his own: not many Soundcloud rappers can boast his balance between technical proficiency, artistic merit, and (most importantly?) headbang-inducing aggression. –Jude Noel --- Eli Sostre - Sleep is For The Week [stream/download] Putting together a mixtape of Billboard-quality pop rap in the OVOXO vein is risky these days, considering how many Drake soundalikes have seen their clout evaporate shortly after entering the scene. But Eli Sostre’s lightly-melodyned vocals pose way more of a risk to the competition. His songs are self-serious but not overly self-aware, confident but not mired in cliché. Hailing from the Empire State, he channels a double-cupping club vibe more suitable farther south, but takes heavy visual cues from Basquiat, The Culture’s adopted fallen angel and street spirit of a dead-and-buried NYC. Sostre has a radio-worthy voice, strongest on “New Addy” and “Someone Like You,” that’s complemented well by Soriano’s woozy, vaporous productions. Sleep is For The Week is a great collection of songs to snuggle into. –Ross Devlin --- Lil B - Black Ken [stream/download] Black Ken is the most divisive Lil B mixtape yet, which is odd, considering that its most accessible release, swinging between G-funk and horn-/key-driven P-Funk throwback with chilled hyphy sprinkles. While the latter can be heard on the iLoveMakonnen-featuring “Global,” songs like “Free Life” showcase Lil B’s evolution into tight, spaced-out production, with a flow not unlike “The Super Bowl Shuffle” played straight. Club-banger Lil B is present on “Getting Hot” and “Turn up (Till You Can’t),” playing more like singularly twisted versions of “the hits” than bids for mainstream attention. Did I mention that Lil B produced every track on the tape? (As he puts it on “The Real Is Back,” “BasedGod on the beats/ It’s 100% me/ Put my life in this rap.”) Despite its alienating potential, Black Ken, in the end, triumphs as an amalgamation of his past and a sampling of a possible future, and it’s one that would appear to be both expansive and impressive. –Emceegreg --- Gunplay - The Fix Tape [stream] Never one to be sullied or bogged down by rap label politics, Gunplay’s quiet tear across 2017 continues with The Fix Tape. True to form, anthemic trap abounds (“All flake and no shake, shake, shake…”), but the clincher here is an ability to slide through styles — see the G-funk bounce of “Where It At” or the classicist bent of “Hot Plate” and “Patience 2.0” — without compromising on the delivery and storytelling parlance that bought ears to him in the first place. This one’s sharp, polished, and remarkably poised; if Gunplay traded in the incendiary streak that gave us the likes of Bogota Rich: The Prequel, then he got a newfound sense of evenness and quality control in return. –Soe Jherwood --- Skye Verbs - Soul Food Eye Candy [stream] A few weeks back, I visited one of my favorite haunts for a curry burger and vermouth after a rewarding but tedious week of pulling artistic potential out of a bunch of squirmy middle schoolers. I floated in, grabbed a stool, paint under my nails, draped in a floral pullover sweater. Bartender, dripping with neck tattoos, looks me down, recognizes my face, offers: “I love that top, sweetie.” It was a bizarre, yet empowering moment; I don’t often get compliments on my appearance, so when I do, it’s uniquely affirming. Soul Food Eye Candy is rapper/singer Skye Verbs’s attempt at discussing inclusive values through neo-R&B and soul. There are a lot of platitudes here about who deserves who, but what she ultimately advocates is that good people deserve it all. And after a long day, it’s nice that I can throw this on, bob my head, and remember that still frame in which my value was affirmed by a wink. Check this out, know you’re worth it, and tip your wait staff extra when they make you feel it. –Jackson Scott --- Lil Tracy - Life of a Popstar [stream/download] Lil Tracy is the son of Digable Planets’ Butterfly and SWV’s Coko, a fact that almost assuredly means nothing to the majority of his fanbase. That’s OK. Of more immediate relevance is his association with Lil Peep, one of the SoundCloud era’s two or three biggest breakouts. Together with the rest of GothBoiClique, they’re the most straightforward example of the emo/rap analogy that has dominated the discourse surrounding rap’s youngest stars. For listeners who came of age at any time but the present, some degree of initial resistance is understandable; it’s been fascinating to watch the critic class balance a play count-mandated obligation to pay attention with the inability to form a personal connection with the music itself. At present, there’s no vision of rap’s future that excludes these kids; the ever-shortening generation gap aside, refusing to engage with a bona fide movement seeks to set the genre’s current conventions in stone. It’s already far too late for that, and yet rap’s hegemony over pop forms is just getting started. –Corrigan B --- Byou - I’m Gone [stream] The stylistic outlier of Lil Yachty’s “Sailing Team” collective happens to be the crew’s most consistently exciting contributor. Atlanta’s Byou boasts an unhinged vocal delivery, a knack for hook-writing, and a sense of doggerel humor that’s often laugh-out-loud humor. Although, sonically, his previous output hasn’t strayed far from his maritime mates’ bubblegum trap production, his longest effort to date — titled I’m Gone — revels in its own versatility. “Superstar” dabbles in bossa nova, “Money” throws back to the brass-laden hedonism of OJ Da Juiceman’s peak, and standout track “JK Rowling” pairs a twangy shuffle with one of the best choruses I’ve heard all year: “Smokin’ on that Harry Potter/ JK, rollin’ up.” It’s not one of more polished projects I’ve heard lately, but I’m Gone has charm for days. It’ll win you over if you let it. –Jude Noel --- Hotel - Have You Ever Tasted Hell Fire [stream] Hotel caught a lot of attention earlier this year when Mass Appeal posted his track “Hellbound.” Complete with illegible black metal script and a broken-in black metal denim jacket, with hot blood spurting from between his fronts and a black gun (I don’t know shit about guns. This is the best I got.), his latest mixtape Have You Tasted Hell Fire continues to document Hotel’s journey through a grim world. Maybe Hotel realizes what metal kids have known all along: that Satan has all the fun, that the baddest people throw the coolest parties, that embracing darkness and nihilism can be as equal parts kitschy and liberating as Kenny G saxing it up on an airplane. The tape is very short, with scorched, lo-fi samples and high-key energy that begs to be heard live. His voice is labored like a werewolf. “Four Rings” and “Gone” are pitch-perfect Piss Christ exhibitionism. He just finished a tour of the South, so you might be able to catch him before the hellfire swallows him up. –Ross Devlin --- Purple Dialect - Campfire EP [stream/download] Purple Dialect paid for his name in burnt hairs, the moniker coming to him in a shamanic vision he experienced while being electrocuted by his SP-404. At least, that’s what I gather from all this. He has bionic limbs and shoots rainbows from his eyes and raps “I’m in a folding chair, I’m eating graham crackers/ I’m in the woods, I’m a literal backpacker” in his latest video. This could all be dismissed as cheap gimmickry if Purp D weren’t so skilled on both the mic and the pads. “Take this L chief, peace cos I don’t even battle/ I just make dope beats over which I casually babble,” he says on “Tent Light,” as if it were so simple anyone could do it, as if this were a folk tradition. And it is. And a Pennsylvanian with robot arms is carrying it onward. –Samuel Diamond http://j.mp/2vGWK1m

[mangaka-neko-chan]

Got tagged by the lovely @zombiecaaake. (♡°▽°♡) I recognized it’s the first time I do this here on tumblr~

R U L E S: Copy this post into a new text post, remove my answers and put in yours. When you’re done, tag up to 10 people and also tag the person who tagged you… and most importantly, have fun!

A) Age: 19 since 2 days~ B) Biggest fear: Many things. Big spiders, being outside during thunderstorms, bad things that could happen to peeps that I love and cherish... C) Current time: 1:40 pm D) Drink you last had: Very exciting *inhales* water~ (sarcasm) E) Everyday starts with: Talking to friends with the power of internet. F) Favourite song atm:  KSHMR - Wildcard ... I think (my taste in songs changes veeery quickly) G) Ghosts, are they real?: Yes. Got a story not many would belive... H) Hometown?: What? I) In love with?: About 19 fictional characters, my friends and family, me, food, cute things, Dead by Daylight, art and many more. J) Jealous of?: Sometimes of “better” art skills (which is a dumb thing to do) and peeps who have money and no sorrows with it.  K) Killed someone?: In Dead by Daylight- yes. L) Last time you cried: Sadly two days ago. I feared that someone who is really close to me would do bad things to themselfs... M) Middle name: I should invent one for my pen name, haha. N) Number of siblings: 2. One half-sister, one step-sister. But I don’t see them much. O) One wish: A truly free, good, safe, healthy and wealthy life for me and the peeps I love. P) Person you last called/texted: @mcchipy for another “Date by Daylight” haha~ Q) Questions you are always being asked: “How are you?” and “When will you recognize that you as part of the youth and future of this world are needed in economy and society?” R) Reasons to smile: My friends, peeps I consider as my family, cute things, stylish things, my birthday, others birthdays, things that go well, Dead by Daylight, nice peeople, fav tv shows, health, good book stores, stationary stores, cafés, flowers (especially jonquils), tea, peeps who are really interested in DBD, music, good games, let’s plays, sunshine, sunglasses, rain, umbrellas, my 19 fictional husbandos and children *snorts*, art, books, gazing at stuff you use for doing art, plants, especially cacti and flytraps, and many more things. As you can see I have many reasons to smile. (>w<)/ S) Song you last sung: I usually don’t sing cause I get embarrassed everytime (even when noone is there). But if singing in my head counted then it would be the german version of the One Piece opening “Brand New World” (dances to it enthusiastically). T) Time you woke up: Technically 8:43 am for an emergency Date by Daylight with @mcchipy. U) Underwear colour: Pastel yellow. W) Worst habits: Unintentionally being jealous out of dumb reasons. Being unable to sometimes get my shit together. X) X-rays you’ve had: Teeth (especially because of my wisdom teeth that had to be taken out), sprained right ankle, broken left scaphoid bone. Y) Your favourite food: Almost anything and everything~ Z) Zodiac sign: ARIESSSS! (prouds)

Uiui I don’t know who to tag to be honest... Let’s see who do I wanna get to know better (even if I may know some of them only a lil or since 37 mins...)? @mcchipy, @dbdart, @dead-by-daylight-fan, @katophoenixrp, @delidraws, @askthehookhangers, @cenomatic, @notthebasement, @irvingmcallister, @youfeelwithdetermination

*unexpectetly got 10 peeps together and is happy*