#Also as an older sister with a younger brother a lot of the mean dialogue is pretty typical

[cacturne]

“Carmine is not the worst” and “kieran is not the worst” are statements that can and should co-exist

[pkmnprideflags]

Everything We Know About the Protags' and Rivals' Families

Red/Leaf

Their mother is probably the Pokémom we know the least about. She only ever talks about worrying for her child, and doesn't seem to have any hobbies or anything noteworthy about her. I'm glad that the later games have started giving the moms more personality.

As for their dad, the only reference to him is in the Celadon Department Store. Upon looking at one of the TVs, the protag will say, "A sports game! Dad'll like that!" So we know that their father is a fan of sports, and has enough of a connection with their child for them to know that.

Blue Oak

Of course, he has a grandfather (er, what was his name again?), and that grandfather has a cousin named Samson who lives in Alola. He also has an older sister, Daisy, who has allegedly competed in Pokémon Contests in the past according to a Pokémon Journal in the Sevii Islands. This means she must have traveled to either Hoenn or Sinnoh at some point, probably during her childhood or adolescence. We know nothing about Blue & Daisy's parents.

Ethan/Kris/Lyra (as protag)

This Pokémom still doesn't have much going on outside of talking to other women in town and apparently enjoying cooking, but she does at least assist by managing her child's money. In retrospect, an eleven-year-old in real life probably should not be trusted with all that money, so good idea. Too bad she also seems irresponsible with money, buying things with her child's money without asking them. Sometimes those purchases are helpful, sometimes they're not. Either way, you should get permission first, ma'am.

As far as I can remember, their father is never mentioned.

Ethan/Lyra (as friend)

They live with their father in New Bark Town; as far as I know, their mother is never mentioned. Their grandparents are the Day Care Couple that lives south of Goldenrod City.

Silver

We all know by now that Silver's father is Giovanni. According to the Celebi event, father and son parted ways three years before GSC on Route 22, with Giovanni heading towards the Pokémon League and Silver heading back, presumably to Viridian. If we assume that he is the standard protag/rival age of 11, then he seperated from Giovanni at the age of eight. When he shows up in New Bark Town, he lowkey seems to be homeless. I'm not sure how an eight-year-old without Pokémon would have made it over to Johto alone. The most likely people to help him would be Team Rocket, but he's stubborn enough that he'd probably reject their help. Did he climb through or trek around Mt. Silver?

Despite the many fan theories, the identity of Silver's mother has never been discussed in the games.

May/Brendan (as protag)

A protagonist with two visible parents?! Impossible. But yes, Norman and his wife are still together. In Ruby and Sapphire, your mother specifically mentions that your family moved from Johto; curiously though, that dialogue was changed in Emerald to just say "another region." Later in B2W2's World Tournament, Norman specifically says he is from Olivine City.

The only references to their parents' lives before comes in ORAS, when the mother mentions that she and Norman watched the Litleonids the last time they occurred. Awwww.

May/Brendan (as rival)

They live with their parents, Professor and Mrs. Birch, in Littleroot Town. In Emerald only, they also have a younger brother. Prof. Birch seems to have a very close relationship with their child, though since they're often involved in fieldwork they may not get to see their mother much. Interestingly, Birch and Norman have supposedly been friends "since their school days." That means either Norman had gone to school in Hoenn before moving to Olivine, or Birch went to school in Johto.

Wally

We actually know a lot about Wally's family since it's part of the plot of RSE. He lives with his parents in Petalburg City, who are understandably protective of his health. He later moves to Verdanturf to live with his aunt, uncle, and cousin Wanda. Not much is known about them, other than that Wanda is romantically involved with a guy from Rustboro.

Lucas/Dawn (as protag)

They live in Twinleaf Town with their mother, the Contest star Johanna. She gets out of the house more, both for Contests and to observe her child's success in the Battle Zone.

There are two references to the player's father, and both occur in Platinum. Johanna says that her child reminds him of him and that the two of them "are so alike." Later when met at the Battle Frontier, Palmer will note that he was a friend and rival to their father, similar to how they are now with Barry. Notably, in a very early beta of Diamond & Pearl, the player's father was going to appear early in the game. I don't speak Japanese, but based on the screenshots I'm guessing he was going to be involved in the player's first Pokémon encounter.

Lucas/Dawn (as friend)

They live in Sandgem Town with their father, grandfather, and little sister. Their father works as an assistant to Professor Rowan; nothing about their mother is known. Their sister watches TV a lot, and therefore often hears about swarms occurring in Sinnoh.

Barry

He lives in Twinleaf Town with his mother, while his father Palmer works at the Sinnoh Battle Frontier. Both parents seem to care for their son, but I honestly can't remember them ever talking to or about each other, so I don't know what their relationship status is.

Hilbert/Hilda

The Pokémom of Nuvema Town is said to have been a Trainer herself when she was younger. However, now she mostly stays at home, only departing to give the player the running shoes. In B2W2 she behaves similarly to Red's mother, saying she kind of wants to go out and find her child, but would feel bad if they stopped by while she was gone. Which makes me wonder: does her kid not still have their Xtransceiver? Why can't she just...call them like a normal person?

Their father is referenced by their mother when she says that they met each other on their own Pokémon journeys. Aw, young love. No hints to their current relationship status, though.

Cheren

Cheren lives with his parents in Nuvema Town. I don't remember anything of note about them.

Bianca

Bianca lives with her parents in Nuvema Town, and we all remember how her father acts at the beginning of the games. I don't recall her mother's reaction; apparently she was the one to tell him that Bianca made it to Nimbasa City, so maybe that indicates that Bianca trusts her slightly more.

Nate/Rosa

This is definitely one of the cooler Pokémoms. She is an old friend of Professor Juniper, and used to work in Pokémon Centers (specifically implied to be the ones in Nimbasa and Mistralton). She's knowledgeable about the many locations in Unova, and supports her child by providing information.

Bulbapedia claims that there are references to their dad in the games, but a search of relevant pages has turned up no references.

Hugh

Hugh lives with his mother, father, and younger sister in Aspertia City. His father has the sprite of a Black Belt, and his mother has the sprite of a Nursery Aide, which is a cute pairing. Hugh also mentions that he has a deceased grandfather, who caught his little sister's Purrloin. Hugh is very protective of his sister; overall this is a cute little family.

Calem/Serena (as protag)

They live with their mother, Grace, in Vaniville Town. The two recently moved to the town, but it's unclear if they are from another region entirely, or just a different town in Kalos. Regardless, Grace is known for being a Rhyhorn racer.

The only mention of the player's father is in a story Grace tells about one of her races. She lost control of her Rhyhorn at the finish line, where he was waiting, and she "sent him flying."

Calem/Serena (as rival)

They also live with their mother in Vaniville Town. It's mentioned that both of their parents are renowned Pokémon battlers, which is cool. Otherwise, their father is never mentioned.

Shauna & Tierno

Strangely, we know nothing about these two's families. Shauna seems to live in or near Vaniville Town since she hangs out there a lot, but she doesn't have a house there. Tierno hangs around Coumarine City a lot during postgame, so maybe he's supposed to be from there? But we know nothing about their family lives.

Trevor

Trevor lives with his sister in Lumiose City. Apparently his mother and father are currently traveling the world to train their Pokémon. The world of this game series just seems very chill about family relations, and treats it as socially acceptable to leave your family to take a journey. I suppose they appreciate long-distance relationships or just don't value family that much.

Selene/Elio

They live with their mother on the outskirts of Hau'oli City. Their family was originally from the Kanto region, and the player's mother was once a renowned Meowth trainer, earning the nickname of the "Scratch Cat Girl." She's even seen at the end of the game battling the Masked Royal.

Apparently she is still married to the player's father, who still lives in Kanto. The two keep in touch by sending each other letters.

Hau

Hau lives with his grandfather Hala in Iki Town. He mentions his mother several times, saying he enjoys her cooking; she is not confirmed to be present in the games, but there is a female NPC randomly placed inside Hala's house that some assume to be Hau's mother. His father is traveling on a journey in another region (implied to be Kanto).

Gladion

We all know this by now - used to live with Lusamine, Mohn, and Lillie; then Mohn disappeared, Gladion ran away with Type: Null, and Nebby teleported Lillie to Route 1. An Aether Paradise NPC also notes that Lusamine's father (so Gladion's grandfather) was a wealthy man who loved Pokémon, and he was the one who built the Foundation.

Chase/Elaine

They live with their mother in Pallet Town. Like Red & Leaf's mother, this Pokémom doesn't have a whole lot going on. Bulbapedia says that they have a referenced father; I'm guessing it's that same dialogue in the Department Store from the other Gens.

Trace

Since he's no longer Professor Oak's grandson, Trace seems to only live with his sister. Perhaps another Trevor situation?

Victor/Gloria

They seem to have always lived in Postwick with their mum. She doesn't have a whole lot going on, and the only reference to their father is the statement that the player's bag is a hand-me-down from him.

Hop

Hop lives in Postwick with his parents and grandparents, and Leon used to live there before going off to be a champion and whatnot.

Marnie

Her parents are never mentioned; she seems to live with Piers.

Bede

Bede was apparently raised in an orphanage, so the identity of his parents are unknown.

Rei

Both as the protagonist and as the rival, their family situations are unknown.

Akari

As the protagonist, her family situation is unknown. As the rival, she mentions wanting to send a photo to her parents and brag about her work with the player in the Survey Corps.

Juliana/Florian

They recently moved to Cabo Poco with their mother from a different region. It's implied they may be from Galar, as the mother has a Skwovet and uses the term "cuppa" when talking to Clavell. Their father is never mentioned.

Nemona

Nemona's father, mother, and sister live in Cabo Poco. They moved to the Paldea region when Nemona was seven; their original region is unknown. Nemona's father is on the board of the Rotom Phone company, so they have a decent amount of wealth.

Because I'm a nerd, let's finish with some stats:

Characters confirmed to have both parents currently alive: 16 out of 34

Characters who live with both of their parents: 8 out of 34

Characters who live with their mother: 22 out of 34

Characters who live with their father: 12 out of 34

Characters with at least one living grandparent: 5 out of 34

Characters with siblings: 10 out of 32

[alpaca-clouds]

Styria sisters headcanons

After talking about this with @autumnmobile12 about this yesterday, I thought I might as well share some of my headcanons for the Styria sisters. Some of them are closely based in what we learn in the canon. Others is stuff that I just made up. After all we have very, very little canonical information about them.

Let's start with Carmilla. Who is probably the one, we do know the most about. We know she got turned by a vampire, who was a "cruel old man" and whom she killed. This makes it quite likely that she in fact does originate from Styria - something that obviously also fits with her novel counterpart.

Part of my headcanon for her as a human is, that even back then she was struggling with the expectations society put on women. Her mother died, when she was young, so first her father and when her father died her older brother put those expectations on her. She fled her first abusive marriage by becoming a nun, but when she was in the monastery her sire saw her and wanted her. At the beginning she came willingly, because she wanted the power he promised. But of course he was just another abuser.

After she killed him, his followers wanted to kill her. But it was Morana, who saved her life. And it was with the help of Morana and Striga that she took over the castle. At the time Morana had her fledgling with her - Laura. Who obviously became her romantic partner.

Oh, and I put Carmilla's birth date into the year 1029.

I wrote about my headcanon for Lenore before. A lot of my headcanon for her comes from this one bit of dialogue we get for her: (Paraphrasing) "I grew up in a castle just like this two hundred years ago. I was five years old when English soldiers came climbing up the toilet chutes with knives between their teeth."

Now, this tells us she is just around two hundred years old and the place she came from had a violent conflict with England at the time. Around two hundred years before the show, so in the late 13th century, England had two wars happening shortly after the other. First another war with France (I mean, it is England and France, what do you expect?) and then the first war of Scottish Independence.

Given her name (that was actually pretty popular in 13th century Scottland) and her red hair, it would make sense for her to be Scottish.

Now, based on her design, she was also fairly young when she got turned. Probably in her late teens. She clearly looks a lot younger from how her face is drawn compared to everyone else.

Something else that makes a lot of sense, as we know her parents got killed, is that she might well have been taken as a hostage, which was something the English did to Scottish gentry.

From this comes my headcanon: She was born in 1287, making her five years old, when war started. She got taken as a hostage by the English, living in luxury, but very much inside a golden cage. Also suffering quite a bit of abuse. She was made to marry at age 15, got pregnant at age 16, had complications and died during child birth age 17. But she was "lucky" that a vampire was nearby, who took pity on her and turned her. That vampire being Laura, aka Carmilla's girlfriend and Morana's fledgling. The two tried to return to Styria from there, but on the way back Laura got killed by English soldiers.

Lenore did somehow manage to make her way to Styria, though she arrived there as a ferral vamp.

We see in the series quite a bit of tension between Carmilla and Lenore. And this is my headcanon reason for it: Lenore came to Styria without Laura.

Morana is kinda in an odd position for me. Katie Silva, who designed her, said, she immagines Morana to be from Ancient Sumer. Buuuut... Ancient Sumer as a civilisation ended around 1500BC. Though it included, obviously, Ancient Babylon. And there is kinda my issue. I set Babylon as the origin of vampires. And if there were vampires left from the time, the knowledge about where vampires came from, would not have been lost.

So... I decided she was from Ancient Persia. Specifically from the North of the Ancient Persian empire, though she was living there at a time the empire was already expiring. Though at the same time, vampires were still part of normal society and ruled together with humans.

But of course Ancient Persia was another empire, that ended. So, in the end, her home was turned to dust. And when she became adrift, she was originally with some other vampires from her home. But bit by bit all of them died. Some of them got killed, others chose the sun. Leaving in the end only Morana. She drifted for a bit, but the Romans did not make Europe a hospital place to be at the time - especially as a vampire - so she drifted further east, spending almost five hundred years in Asia. Part of this she spent in Japan together with Cho. But when Cho went off the deep end, she left, returning to Europe in the end.

Something, that she learned over the time, was that cooperation with humans was not possible.

During the middle of the 11th century she ended up with this sick girl, that would not leave her side. Which is Laura. And who was very, very insistent on being turned. So, when Morana looked for a safe place for Laura to spend her fledgling years, she went for one of the vampire kingdoms - Styria. Arriving there just days after Carmilla killed her sire.

It is also, when she meets Striga.

Lastly we have Striga. My favorite sister. :D Love this wonderful big woman. (All I wanna do, is see you turn into, a giant woman xD)

Now, we do know very little about her, outside of her admittance of not being able to forget an implied to be bad past. She also has an Eastern European accent, though - again - langauge is another messy topic in Castlevania.

I looked into it and her voice actress is from Croatian heritage, so I decided that Striga is from that area. Which would make her of mixed Slavic origin, as before the slavs got to Croatia some Arabian people were living there. It might explain her hair, too.

I am meanwhile fully in agreement with @g-vlssz here, making Striga a trans woman. I just think her design really well fits this interpretation.

My backstory for her is, that she was a human mercenary to feed her family - that is her younger siblings - hunting bandits and monsters. But at some point she got sent after a group of vampires ravaging the country side. This was Lazarus and his men - a vampire stemming from Ancient Rome. When she fought him and managed to hold her own for a bit, leading him to turn her.

Now, just like Carmilla's sire, he was a cruel old man, being abusive towards the men (and the one woman, though Striga was not out at the time) following him. When he learned about Striga's human siblings, he went out of his way to kil them. Striga was with him a good while, until the troop made their way to Styria this one winter as well - just after Carmilla had killed her sire. And when Lazarus tried to take the place over, Striga managed to kill him.

I put Striga's birthday right at the beginning of that millenium. Into the year of 1004.

And, yeah... That is basically my headcanons for the four sisters.

I really adore those four and their sad, sad stories. :D

[qyuoza]

Matter (Hueningkai)

Y/n, I’d be grateful for every ounce of your attention.

Genre: Angst(ish), Comfort, Fluff

Pairing: Hueningkai x GN!Reader

Warnings: a lot of long dialogue, nothing too serious.

Synopsis: You constantly struggled living in your best friend’s shadow and always tried so hard to fit in, thankfully enough though, you had found a light at the end of the tunnel in the form of Hueningkai.

Note: Hi lovelies! Here’s another comforting fic, I know this has been a reoccurring theme in most of my fics lately about the reader being under appreciated by her friends, but these scenarios are inspired from my actual life so I couldn’t help it ;; Still I hope you enjoy. I also hope you know that you’re loved and that there will always be people there to appreciate you!

You grin at your best friend Yerim, she had been there at your lowest and you couldn’t have ever been more thankful. “Yerim ah! How are you doing today? Are you doing well?” You say cheerily.

Yerim looks at you and smiles before nodding, then continued to talk to your other classmate Inseo. ‘Ah well I shouldn’t disturb them, they seem engaged in their conversation’ you thought, before retreating back to your seat quietly.

Lately, your best friend had been quite distant with you, though you never bothered to really ask since you understood how hectic her life could get at times with her three siblings at home, to the life she manages at school. You always made sure to be there for her though despite your own hectic life as well.

“Y/n, are you going to the convenience store with us after school?” Yerim suddenly asks. You nod after finally hearing her talk to you that day. She gives you a short smile before nodding and turning the other way, probably to talk to Inseo again.

Your classes soon ended with a blur, and now you were with Yerim, well following her, and your other acquaintances or friends to the convenience store near the school. You mostly staying silent as they walked ahead.

“Guys, pick something I’ll pay for it” you suddenly said. The three of them looked at you with a knowing smile and thanked you within seconds upon hearing the offer and eagerly taking whatever they wanted since you were paying after all.

“Thanks Y/n, you’re a gem” Yerim says in a snarky tone. This wasn’t your ‘best friend’, but you still went with it despite all else, because well, you had nobody at the time.

Things went as usual on most days, but you started to notice how Yerim would treat you, so you reached out to one of your other best friends, Hueningkai. He was your friend from another class and you’ve both known each other since you were kids.

“Hey Y/n! Why the long face?” Kai says while walking towards you with an extra carton of milk in hand. You look up at him and shake your head, Yerim hadn’t spoken to you all day again, but thankfully your friends Jinni and Aera were there to talk to you.

“Not gonna tell me? I need you to put a smile on because I’m here to help you ok? Now let’s go” he drags you outside the school gates and brings you to his older sister’s café down the street after finishing your drinks. It was where you two usually hung out before you got separated and you ended up just hanging out with Yerim.

As you walk go the café, you reminisce the times when the three of you were still young. Yerim would usually leave early, so it was always just you and Kai left at the café with each other. This left you with butterflies in your stomach the more time you spent with each other, and it soon grew into an infatuation that you didn’t realize you had for the male.

“Kai give that back or I’m telling Lea! You’re so mean!” A young Bahiyyih whines. Hueningkai laughs and sticks his tongue out at his younger sister, holding up the plush doll above his head.

“Alright Kai enough, give it back to Hiyyih now” you laugh at Kai and take it from him before giving it back to the younger. The girl thanks you and teases her brother.

“You’re lucky Y/n is here otherwise I would’ve never given that back!” Kai says as Hiyyih runs away with laughter. “You only have a soft spot for Y/n anyway!” She calls out, and this causes the two of you to blush profusely.

As you snap out of your daydream, Lea, the oldest Huening in the family, greets you both as the two of you walk in to the café. “Y/n! I haven’t seen you in so long! I’m glad to see you back here with my brother, he’s missed you a lot” she laughs.

Kai mutters a curse under his breath and whines at his sister for telling you, but with her cheerful attitude she dismisses his behavior and asks what you two want to order.

“Just a iced caramel macchiato for me! Kai?” You turn to him, to which he laughed at in response. “I’ll also have that” Kai smiles at his sister. She gives you both a knowing look before putting in your orders, but as you go to pay both of the siblings stop you.

“Y/n you’re practically family already, don’t worry about it ok? It’s on the house if I’m here” Lea says softly. You thank her and head to find a seat with Kai, your orders to follow shortly after.

“So, you seemed quite off today. Did something happen? You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to though” He asks you, trying not to pry. You only sigh and give him a bitter smile in reply.

“She’s been blowing me off lately that’s it” you scoff and recall the events have happened in the last few weeks leading up to today.

Yerim was a good friend at first, but it as time went on and as you added more friends to your group, you were suddenly pushed away little by little. You could take it in the beginning, but it had gotten to a point wherein you felt like a ghost to them almost, sometimes even an option or just a therapist. Someone they can call and dispose when no longer needed.

“Hey Yerim! You up to go to Chaein’s place later to study?” You overhear another friend of yours ask Yerim, and you hear Yerim agree enthusiastically.

Your heart broke, your own best friend made you feel like a shadow when all you’ve done was try your best to make yourself feel included. It just didn’t feel fair whatsoever. So you decided to talk to her about it after class.

“Yerim, can we talk? I just feel like you’ve been neglecting me lately and I’m starting to feel used, you only ever come to me when you need me and then I’m like nothing. Like I don’t want to ruin the fun, I just thought I’d tell you” you say softly, almost afraid.

“Well that’s sad Y/n, I’m sorry. I just don’t know how to make you feel better, I guess I was just an idiot for not trying my best since it isn’t enough for you apparently” Yerim huffs.

You were just trying to communicate so that things wouldn’t go wrong between you both, and in the end it failed you since your best friend was stubborn and thought of herself way too highly. It seemed like your feelings didn’t matter in the situation either.

“I didn’t even do it on fucking purpose you know? You know I get caught up in the moment at times. I’m done talking, all you do is confuse me Y/n, and not only that I’ve said all I need to say. I’d appreciate it if we both had time apart” Yerim lashes out at you, but before you could reply she opened her mouth once again.

“You know this is the first time I’ve had friends since closing myself off, god not everything is about you literally fuck off” she yells and walks away from you, rolling her eyes at how pitiful you looked.

You were abruptly cut out of your trance by Hueningkai as he waved a hand in front of your face, your drinks already in front of you. You must’ve spaced out too long.

“Hey you were out of it for awhile, you can tell me if you’re comfortable” he says gently, and puts his hand over yours on the table. You sigh and shake your head, you were probably just being sensitive and reading in to things too much.

“I don’t think it means anything, like maybe I’m just looking into the situation too much. She even told me she wished I didn’t take it to heart, but how am I not supposed to?” You reply, confused because you for some reason felt at fault.

“Hey no it’s not your fault, honestly if I was in your situation too I’d definitely feel weird if I friend left me out. Also who is she to tell you that you shouldn’t take it to heart? Your feelings are valid Y/n, she’s the one hurting you” Kai frowns.

You shake your head in denial, but at the same time you didn’t understand why you took the fall either. No matter how hard you try to wrack your brain for answers as to what you did, nothing came up. You communicated as best as possible and your ‘friend’ took it the wrong way.

“Is she really? I feel like the problem Kai, it’s hopeless” your face goes blank and he notices as he looks at you full of worry.

“Y/n, people truly don’t understand how to value someone like you. You’re a gem and you always give people your best, it’s crazy how you’ve only received shit in return” Kai says gruffly, he was fuming on the inside. How could people be so heartless when all you’ve done is try your best for them? You never left anyone behind because you know how it feels.

“I know, I still don’t understand why I’m even doing this to myself” you whisper softly. Hueningkai looks at you, his gaze softening as his heart cracks at your appearance. You looked so small and tired, you looked like an empty shell that was only loud on the outside.

“Y/n, I’d be grateful for every ounce of your attention. You constantly stick around for the ones that hurt you because you believe they’ll change, and you don’t hurt them because you went through the same thing. They’re extremely ungrateful for not looking out for you as a friend as well…” Kai replies.

You were an amazing friend, a kind person, anyone would say so, but people just couldn’t appreciate it enough and throw you off to the side as they discard you. You had the right to be pissed off because you shouldn’t ever feel like an option to people.

“Hey it’s ok, shh I’m here for you” you spaced out, barely noticing the tears cascading down your cheeks. Hueningkai thought you looked so pretty with eyes that look like glass, but the tears weren’t so.

He sits next to you and hugs you as you sob into his shirt, not caring if he was covered in your snot and tears. For you, he’d do anything to take the pain away and cursed every person in existence that broke your heart.

“Thank you Kai, for everything. I don’t know how I could’ve done it without you being by my side” you smiled up at him. Maybe you should start putting your energy towards the right people this time around.

Months had passed and you had grown quite fond of the other friends you’ve made, barely having a second thought if Yerim would leave you. It felt, nice, to have people around that would actually value your time and give you back the same energy. One of those people was Kai, who always made sure you were ok.

“Y/n you should come join us! Don’t cry ok? Let’s talk here” Aera called you over to join her, Kangmin and a few other classmates of yours to talk after noticing your dismay. It felt amazing that you were finally being invited and accepted somewhere, you didn’t have to try to fit in.

Yerim frowned after seeing you so preoccupied with everyone else, but you were too busy laughing along with your classmates to notice. After all, you’d felt like a shadow for years, it was finally time you let loose and talk to those that were willing to give you their time.

“Y/n, you never talk to me anymore! Did I do something? You sometimes straight up ignore me” Yerim fumed. You were packing your bag peacefully when all of a sudden your friend wanted to start something it seemed.

“What? I do talk to you though, just not as much as before. I mean we’re both busy with different people, it’s inevitable and I don’t want to get in your way when there are also people that are willing to take me in without me having to try so hard” you reply softly, not wanting to escalate the situation.

“Still, you act as if—“ “As if you’re not there right? You finally get how I feel, funny” You finish. Yerim shuts her mouth and nods, but you only scoff with a grin on your face. She only ever thought of herself, and you were tired of dealing with her shit when you fought for your friendship years ago.

“You’re just like me now with your new friends, but since you have so many and focus on the wrong prople, it’s better for me to think of myself too when I’ve prioritized you for too long. I just feel used, and I hope you know that I’ll always be here, just not in the way you want it anymore” you continue, seeing Yerim tear up, but you didn’t care. You wasted too many tears on your joke of a friendship.

“You never even thought once or twice about how I’d be feeling and I never held that against you. I don’t think you even saw me cry today or was even an ounce worried about me because I never want to worry you so I always look like I’m smiling around you, and it seems like I hold no importance to you like that anymore for you to think about me” you were at your breaking point, but you had to let it out for your sake.

“You say you want to do better as a friend, and you constantly apologize, but don’t let me get in the way. I never said we don’t go through something, but that doesn’t mean I’m also not going through something myself when you defended them. You only know a quarter of the whole story Yerim, I hope you know that” Yerim’s tears stream down her face and you walk away to Jinni and Aera who waited outside the classroom for you.

She had other friends to go home with after all. Yerim always made you wait while she was with her other friends, now it’s your turn to put yourself first and do things differently.

“Guys wait, we should wait for Kai” you remind the two. Aera and Jinni looked at each other with a mischievous grin and called over your other two friends, Ayeong and Haeul, who also walked home with you now.

“Your boyfriend? He’s right over there Y/n” Jinni laughed. You turn and see Kai waving at you with a short smile before turning back to them.

“He’s not my boyfriend! Yet…” You joke, and the girls laugh as they push you towards him.

Kai sees you and automatically asks for your bag, to which you shyly gave it to him so he could carry it. “You don’t have to ask me twice to be your boyfriend when I’d do everything in my power to make you mine” he says confidently and leans in to kiss you softly.

Maybe focusing on the right people was enough, they were always there to begin with after all, and now you couldn’t have been any happier.

Throughout the passing weeks, Yerim would try to make amends, but you acted indifferent toward her. You weren’t mean and you never ended the friendship that way, you kind of just stopped putting your priorities towards the wrong people because they were there the entire time.

© qyuoza 2023 -. no part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any manner without the permission from the publisher.

[yanderefairyangel]

Little theory time ! for Fell Xenologue so you know the rules

SPOILERS ALERT!!

Alright since the Fell Xenologue is a parallel dimension/mirror universe; a lot of player including myself have been wondering : did Nel and rafal had an analogue in this world too.

But before that, since I am gonna have to refer to them and that they have the same name, here is a little chart just to not lose you on my train

Alright here we go.

So if you recall Nel’s explanation, in her world Fell dragon are born as twins unlike in the MG world where fell dragons are just.. born. not necessarily as a pair of twins. 

When the twins fight Sombron, Nel’s dialogue with Sombron is this: 

Sombron : “You seem.. familiar”

Nel : “ If my face seems familiar you merely recall a child who is dead”

Basically, Nel deduced that her analogue existed since Sombron had a sensation of deja vu. 

Howvever, that is the localization’s work. The original jpn dub is a bit different.

Sombron, upon seeing Nel said this :

which translate into this :

the idea is almost the same although in here Sombron doesn’t outright states he recognize Nel in some ways. 

But her response is, this : 

which translates into “The “me” of this world, is she... no, it would be naive to ask. It is obvious she is no longer alive”. 

Here the semantics logistic makes Nel’s reaction seems a bit less logical : how could she knew that there was another version of her alive when Sombron did not finish his sentence ? in the localization it made more sense, here it is a bit mistamatched. I can only deduce that Nel assumed there was : 1) an analogue of hers 2) that she assumed that this analogue of hers would be a daughter of Sombron like she, in her own world is.

After all Zelestia, Madeline and Gregory’s reaction to Mauvier’s declaration and to fighting their 4 hounds clone pretty much prouved that they assumed that things in the MG world would be similar to XenElyos. Same thing for how they were surprised to find out that Alear is the child of this world Sombron and not a pure divine dragon contrary to their Fell Xenologue version. 

Moreover, would Nel exist, rafal and Nil would too, however, when Rafal fight Sombron, Sombron says “Surely you are not my child, no more of them remains”.

In the jpn version, he says

which means

in short, Sombron doesn’t recognize Rafal as the analogue of his dead son, nor even have the sense of deja vu that could be seen within his meeting with Nel. He also doesn’t mistake him for this world’s Nil despite Rafal being clear as to how Nil and him looked similar. 

Moreover, rafal says this :

In this dialogue, he wonders if this world had a version of his brother. makes sense : how is he supposed to know whether there was one or not when he is not even born in this universe ?

In this dialogue however, he seems to think there was or is another version of him, but like I mentionned earlier he had no way of knowing this.

Hence, the twins both Nel and Rafal simply assumed that there were alt version of them in the MG. 

Moreover, comes the question of the age of the twins. They are like Alear and Veyle over 1000. By the end of the DLC, they are +2000 due to Nel being the sleeping beauty. However, their physical age is not mentionned in the datamine, though they do look a bit older than Alear who is 17 years old and their pact ring being uncensored mean they are at least over 17, so older physically than Alear.

When Past Alear meets Alear, they say this 

She mentions her dead siblings : one older brother, one older sis, two younger siblings and then is more vague about the others.

In the jpn version, Alear says “onisama and oneesama”  and the localization translated it to “a older brother and a older sister” to make it so that the audience understand Alear had more than 2 older siblings while the two young siblings mentionned are not precised to be twins but simply a cute “otoutou to imouto” the jpn word for younger brother and younger sister. Like I mentionned, Nel and Rafal and Nil would fit more the onee sama and oni sama but they could also fit the 2 younger siblings since we don’t really know their age however... nevertheless, Rafal mentionned that in his world, Nil died during the war of 1 000 years ago and at the time Nil, hence Nel and him, where still a child or at least did not reached adulthood yet. If you recall, in the MG world at this time, Alear was the only sibling Veyle still had around and according to Alear at the time we fight them in chapter 24, Veyle is still quite young, so younger than 16 years old physically and she was supposed to be the youngest out of Alear siblings, meaning that at the time, Nil and Nel would have been around the same age if they were effectively that young. But in Alear’s world, they did not die during the war since, I repeat, Alear was the only sibling remaining, while in Nel and Nil’s world, there were still many others siblings that survived this as shown through Nel’s recollection of killing some of them when she was an adult. Basically, the fact that the 2 war unfolded differently had the fell child died in different ways, meaning the some alternate version did not knew the same fate. Make sense, we are dealing with parallel universe, so a lot of differences would have happened. I can’t really compare those 2 events due to the profound separated nature of the 2 elyos but if it comes to little things like guessing the character’s age, i don’t see a problem. However, since XenElyos seems to have it’s own timeline that works differently as shown by the Rafal reviving session that took 1 000 years but was barely a week for Alear in their world, so by this token, this could mean that Nel and Rafal could end up being older in their own world then their analogue or that their analogue would have been older while they were younger. Regardless of this time distortion, would Nel and Nil have had analogue, and therfore rafal too, they were most likely kids at the time so younger than Alear and probably barely younger than Veyle.

BUT ...

Fighting with the DLC characters doesn’t trigger any conversation with Past Alear.  If the twins fitted one of those 2 descriptions, you bet Alear would have reacted as they are acknowledged to be part of the siblings Alear did meet and not some that for some reasons they did not meet. If the twins were the younger siblings, it is obvious that Alear would have know them since she said “kawai” meaning “my cute little brother and little sister”.

“Why would Alear not knew her siblings though” ? Veyle and Nel support. another evidence. This supports open up with Veyle asking Nel if she is Sombron’s daughter saying she has been wondering ever since learning she was a Fell dragon. Meaning Veyle never meet this version of Nel, and therefore of Nil and Rafal.  Nel on her side said she never met her version of Veyle and only heard of her through Mauvier. Meaning that some of Sombron children might never have gotten to meet. That seems a bit off, especially as in the DLC the recollection illustrations showed Nel interacting with her siblings, even killing some of them, so... yeah that’s a bit weird. 

While for Veyle it makes sense as by the time all her siblings died she was very young and that Alear was her only remaining sibling during the 1000 meaning that Alear meet all their siblings before they died... you get the point.

Either did Nel not had a clone and therefore Rafal and Nil did not existed, or second scenario, there was a Nel but she was so different no one recogniezd her BUT rafal and nil did not existed.

Here is how I explain it; it is unlikely for all of Sombron’s children to have all had an alt version, notably as at least one of his kid’s xenanalogue had 2 different parents. However, if they did, one thing I am sure of is that their twin did not had an alt version 

I think that in the fell twins world, each twin is a splitter version of one of MG Sombron’s child in the MG world. As you know, real twins are a split of one embryon, well it’s the same idea here. 

Let’s look at the twins design 

Nel has black hair and Nil and Rafal had white hair. 

Meanwhile, Veyle 

Her hair is a mixed of both. Hence I think that in the twins world, since Xenoveyle most likely did had a twin, her hair pattern was either fully black either fully white and that her twin has the complemenatry colour. 

Another proof of this is Alear’s concept design

As you can see, Alear originally was envisonned to have the same hair colour as Veyle, hence that Fell dragon were first thought as all having monochrom dual hair. 

Thefore, I think that In the OG world, Nel and Nil were actually one sibling and since Veyle could exist alone and as a dominant one when in the alt verse, she was most lilkely split into 2 existence, that means that the reason why Sombron is more familiar with Nel’s appearnce was that there was a monchromatic multihaired version of Nel who was Sombron’s child, therfore making her one of Alear’s many dead siblings 

Something like this 

I tried to draw her hair in the same tone as Veyle’s zebra hair, basically half her hair being black and the rest white. That would be the appearance of the Nel of the MG universe and in the alt verse she is splitted into Nel and Nil. Like I mentionned if this Nel were the same age as Nel when she was killed, this means she died a child, like Nil did during the war. 

Another reason that makes me think this is that Nel’s og japanese name is El  エル. While her half was Nil, Rafal’s name combined with it create a new name : 

ラファール +  エル : ラファエル

Rafal + El = Rafael 

Hence, that Nel was not quite exactly the same existence but that there was a fell child who beared the same characterist as the fell twins because the fell twins are a splitted version of this child;

This is just a theory so I might be wrong and maybe Intsys just want to tease us with the possiblity that the twins might have or not have analogue in thsi world, but I think it’s pretty cool

What do you think of it ? Do you have any theories about this too ? what are your opinons on this ? do you think the fell twins had alt version ? if they did do you think those were also Sombron’s children ? 

My ask box is open if you want to discuss about this so feel free to share your thoughts or some elements about this !

Edit : I also just thought about it but the twins’ rather complementary design as to how Nel is kind of tomboyish whereas Rafal/Nil are considered to be pretty bois make also sense as combined it gives them quite the androgynous features and Rafael is a name that can be unisex so open the possiblity. Not to mentions that their jpn names have the same pronociation as the french prounons for He/Il/Iru and She/Eru/Elle. Their complentary side in gender would quite confirm the idea. But hey, I have others theories for the twins’ alt self so...

[pininiu]

OMG the tags of your ztun post! I didn't see you saying you would like to infodump!! infodump away!

This will have to be in multiple parts if I run out of space, maybe.

ztun started out with them being a concept for a possible love interest that I also use as an MC proxy.

Started out with a gag username inspired by a nickname and took a piece from sal logic to find a reverse.

(more lore and just my ship doodles, you have been warned)

They actually have a dedicated and planned route in my head. Their gag is you have to choose the options that look bad. The entire route works on the schtick that the player and them start from bickering. Since they start the call with you on the premise that they argue with you.

The calls themselves aren't hostile, just a lot of banter. Like the type to be rude to someone the closer they are. Because there's a mutual understanding that you don't actually mean any of the insults and none of it digs into anyone's insecurities.

Yes there will be so much tension in the convo.

Made sure some details with ztun worked just as well if they had to be translated into the MC role to keep the plot beats similar yet distinctly them.

ztun's definitely the type to only be active when there's another person around since they grew up in a pretty big family. Likes to enjoy being in a power saving mode when alone. Can end up sleeping for an entire day.

Has an older sister and younger brother so they have an unexpectedly caring and attentive side from trying to support both in different ways.

A total homebody but always happy to go somewhere. Bonus if there's new and exciting stuff. They like experiencing new things with the people they like. Makes for great memories.

Brutally honest if they're not joking about anything. This can lead to them being very sincere. And even though they tend to complain but never actually mean anything by it.

Anyway wanted to doodle them with the boys and figured they'd gel with xyx more. They're similar in some ways so I can see them working well. (They're both bad with feelings and words, so they kind of understand how hard it is for the other to explain things)

Also depressed person knows a fellow depressed person

Generally, their relationship has this dynamic where they meet each other's energy for the event. Their humor/bickering tend to be childish because of it.

I made ztun teeny as a joke and then I saw the headcanon where xyx is a menace if his partner is smol, chaos ensues

Many things they do turn into a contest but ztun isn't actually competitive, they just find it fun. The win is a bonus tho.

The best way to sum their interactions in a simple dialogue is:

"I hate you"

"I love you too"

(Works both ways)

Both of them constantly end up playing a game of "who can flirt the longest until someone breaks"

But if both of them are at home? Especially after a tiring day? Very cozy and quiet. Sometimes even having an entire day without talking. But I think those are some of the best moments for them.

Either just watching a movie, reading books, or just lazing around with the cats.

[tammyhybrid21]

Pebbles a Reflection

Now, this isn’t in the main tags for... personal reasons. So if you’ve somehow come across it be prepared because this is not going to be a light post. It’s both analysis and self-reflection using Pebbles as a “mirror” for real world issues.

Warnings should be obvious but just in case. This post will cover a lot of heavy topics. It will be covering suicidality, depression, disability/chronic illness, abandonment trauma, religious trauma, my thoughts on the deeper meaning of ascension and how it’s presented in Rain World and beyond, what it means to wish for nothingness.

So yeah, to start off with Hi, I’m Hybrid, or Tammy... I’m not in a great place, but I am slowly getting better... And I’m sure I’ve mentioned in another post somewhere... if I found Rain World back when it initially came out, back in 2017 I probably would have related the most to Moon. I still definitely do. I to am an older sibling who is brought low by circumstances, with a younger brother who is... a disaster. But-- but--

It is not 2017. It is 2024, or rather it was 2023 when I finally come around to properly playing and exploring Rain World lore. And I love Moon, she’s still definitely someone I can look at and see myself in reflection, we share flaws, we share burdens and yet-- More than that, I look at Moon and see my own older sister. Someone who was grown when I was just new to the world... It’s 2024 and I am Five Pebbles.

Or well...

I look at him and I get it. So, this will be me talking about it. In the best way I can handle my emotions as a semi well-adjusted Autistic Human Being. Full disclosure, if anyone else relates to my points throughout, you’re doing great. Keep it up, believe in yourself and your ability to thrive. Live on spite alone.

SO, let’s get to it then.

Sibling Dynamics

Let’s get the immediate thing out of the way first.

The Siblings. Whether it is explicitly canon or not they are very much coded to be read as such. Moon calls herself Big Sis Moon, whether that’s honorary or not... it is, what we have.

Moon and Pebbles share a lot. Resources, citizens, a literal connection via the bridge that became the Precipice. They probably share a portion of design template as well... we can’t know entirely. But it’s very much all canon things. The room in Rubicon as well is shared between them.

Whether people like it or not, they’re... basically treated and written like siblings. Siblings with a lifetime age gap. Or... several lifetimes really. Which... explains a lot of why Moon didn’t act to stop Pebbles. It’s not just a matter of her been too soft to, it’s also as much a matter of it been hard to see past that state where Pebbles is baby brother. Hard to remember someone is grown and beyond that when you still remember them when they were so new that they could be held in your arms. As if they were nothing. Also probably a reason she lets go of the anger so much, because again, she’s got a whole other perspective on it. Aside just memory loss.

All this is baked into the tragedy of the story.

...

All this is before you factor in the hand-me-downs aspects as well. Hand-me-down robes, hand-me-down citizens, hand-me-down problems. Pebbles is treated in canon much as the unloved surprise child. Very much in Moon’s shadow as the younger less capable sibling... at least it seems like that’s how it was with the ancients. And for all he says it was something that never bothered him, his actions really, really do speak louder. Can’t blame him for trying to escape the shadow he was cast in... something that was so unfair to them both.

Also I do think that he was LITERALLY cast in Moon’s shadow. It’s hinted but not stated that his structure is to the West of Moon’s... Sunrise in the East. My evidence for this is his own words... and the layout of the map. “Go out West past the Farm Arrays and down...” Also his dialogue to Rivulet if you take his Rarefaction cell first before meeting him. “Take it far to the East to her”

...

I really want to go on a deep dive, but truthfully-- I don’t need to at this point in time. I can save the most of it for later. But these siblings really had things stacked against them in every case truly. It was an unfair situation from the start.

Which back to circle around, I have a very specific reading, some of it because of my own headcanons, some from projection, but a lot from reading between the lines of why that drive for independence is there... As well the “I just want someone to say I did a good job” vibes. And what is this reading... well, I get the sense that at least some of Pebbles actions are driven by a wish to not be a burden.

It circles around, and I will likely come back to this later. But for now, yeah. These siblings are complicated.

Longing For Meaning in...

Death.

Oh boy, this is going to be a mess. So here’s the thing. I have... a lot of complicated thoughts and feelings in general on The Great Problem... how it’s presented and how the characters interact with it and the world. And yes, I’m viewing it through a probably entirely wrong lens because culture, BUT-- Let’s think about the presentation... Inside and out of the game. What continues, what fails. What changed, because here’s the immediate thing.

I’m a fully a believer in the wake up in a new cycle and continuing literally interpretation of the game’s cycle. I’d love to talk at length but all you folks need to know is yes, I believe the respawn in the game is actually canon in Rain World’s lore... 

Sooo that established, what do I think is ascension. Well... death of soul, cessation of being.. at least how it’s presented in Rain World. So why did I start this section off by saying Longing For Meaning In Death... Well--

I’ll be honest. I grew up with the understanding that was death. Death is literally the end, no thoughts, no worries, nothing but the memories that others have left of you. And while for some folks the idea of nonexistence must be terrifying, one of my personal struggles for a long time was how that thought was such a comfort, something appealing... Something that in Rain World the ancients seemed to strive for, viewing it as an escape. That’s how ascension apparently is in Rain World, you cease to be... you become just cosmic dust in the void.

And oh, how Pebbles longs...

...

Which an argument can be made for all the iterators longing. Find the solution, find the answer to ascension for all. That answer is The Saint. But there’s something more with how Pebbles longs. Seeking and searching, and his attempts to bypass that taboo. And oh boy I have a lot of thoughts on that. A lot, lot of thoughts.

But not sure if I can put all those into words easily. Mostly because then I would be kind of telling on myself a lot. It’s the kind of information best kept between me and my psychologist... but at the same time...

The way death verses ascension is presented in Rain World. To ascend is to leave the world behind, become greater than yourself... become something more, often used in mythology and fiction alike to meaning going up, to answer the call to become some form of higher being. Become a God... a Spirit, or ascend to the throne. Etc.

Yet in Rain World it means to leave behind the world and to become part of the great everything. Death of soul, no reincarnation, no more respawns...

...

And oh, the longing for meaning in that. To become nothing, everything... part of the cosmic dust of the universe. To not have the pressure of existing anymore beyond the memories that others hold of you. What Sliver of Straw achieved. What the Saint grants.

A longing for meaning, longing for freedom.

Also this is REALLY not helped by the global religion in Rain World. While it’s presented as a good thing, again it’s presented as ascending beyond the cycle and into cosmic dust. “From nothing we are born and to nothing we will return”... the way I was taught about death. We are nothing but motes of dust in the eyes of the universe and a memory to God.

Death Seeking is the rule...

Hah, like finding everything as persecution...

Seven Red Suns

Hah...

Wonder if this actually surprises anyone. I have, STRONG feelings about Suns after all. And boy do they end up looped into here. And I think right after the longing for meaning part is important... because... they’re one of the big influences. Pebbles mentions it himself even, they helped him open up and explore new avenues. For the better but also much, much for the worse.

Suns is in... such an odd position in my head. Because I have made no secret I dislike them.

So maybe I should explain why.

I had a Suns in my life. Not AS bad, nowhere near as tone dumb, but I did... I had someone who pulls some of that same, patronizing stuff. The whole backhanded compliments, the play for pity and circling back as if they’re such an awful mindless bad friend. Which oh I’m sure people won’t think that’s how Suns is, but they did employ a pity trap card-- they did backhand things... they’re... not a good friend.

And, they’re the one who kind of led/introduced Pebbles to things. They’re all the biggest dumbass.

Even if you’re generous and call them well meaning. Suns is... one of the big dominoes to fall. Spearmaster as well.

Pebbles went to them as a cry for help. Again, with that longing for meaning, longing for something of substance. The Bug Maze conversation as the first time. And... what did Suns give him.

The bugs in a maze analogy and the statement that they have two options alone. “Do nothing, or work like you’re supposed to”... no alternatives like hobbies or ANYTHING. Thanks Suns, what great advice. I also take great issue with how Suns talks to others in general, and admittedly some of it is probably my own trauma from experiences but still.

Suns is just, absolutely no help to anyone.

They’re bad at people and then worse, they speak and present themself as if they’re so smart... as well downplaying things. Which maybe you won’t read it as that but I really can.

Suns is one of the factors that just, made Pebbles state worse. That anger and frustration that’s brewing, that pain burning under the surface. Suns might have been “helpful” and supportive but they just didn’t understand really, their issues is a certain kind of blindness in pride.

And of course, then they made everything... so, so much worse.

Twice even.

Thanks Suns...

Longing for Freedom

And oh, oh isn’t this the key and the core root of everything. Oh I have so many thoughts about this. I spoke a little bit about the longing for meaning in death, but a bigger one is the longing for Freedom. Oh it’s the thing that Pebbles even says to Survivor, to Monk, about that claustrophobic feeling of been trapped within yourself.

Trapped in the Cycle.

Trapped...

None of the iterators were made, none of them were born free. All of them were caged. Caged in structures, bodies so much bigger and greater than we could comprehend. A hivemind, a single mind... On the string, off the string, arguments that don’t matter because of what they’re all seeking. Tied to the cycles and yet unable to truly experience them, or so they were told. And oh, oh does Pebbles canonically suffer from this.

Even before the rot. This longing is inbuilt. To be free to be something more than what they were made and designed for. They never had any choices, and for Pebbles this longing for freedom gave him that fierce wish to be independent outside of Moon’s shadow especially... he wanted to be more, and this loops back around to my earlier wondering, that vibe I got from him where he viewed himself possibly as a bit of burden.

Moon so does worry about him, she prioritizes him...

Very much to her detriment. And oh if that’s not the heart of this tragedy. But oh isn’t that also so relatable. For both of the siblings this is something I feel keenly. That sense of longing of wishing, the choking sense that you are not free... dancing to someone else’s tune, to someone else’s whims. Going in circles and unable to do anything more...

Something that for Pebbles probably got worse and worse as the timeline stretched. He has such justified anger, hurt-- desperation. It’s all tied back to this, he wants to stand up on his own and be something...

...

Then comes the rot... and oh, chronic pain, chronic illness and the shackles that come with that. To realise you’re losing what freedoms you had before.

It’s not about a lack of care. Pebbles longing for ascension was not selfish entirely. It’s in his very dialogue, he wanted to be another example, prove that Sliver of Straw’s results weren’t a fluke. Weren’t by chance, and yet everything is stacked against him... he doesn’t get that freedom he’s longing for. Doesn’t get the chance to have control, to not be a burden...

Instead he brings his sister down and gives himself the worst illness an iterator could get.

Rotten Regrets

I am a chronic ill baby. I have always been in pain.

From babyhood to adulthood, no answers. Nowadays it’s chalked up as Fibromyalgia, as FND, as insert whatever catch all disorder here. Still not really answers... and for iterators that’s the rot as well. What causes it seems to be experiments but at the same time it’s treated in story as cancer and cancer is... well--

I saw something once where it was stated everyone technically has cancer. It’s just benign in most, needs something to trigger it into been dangerous and it makes me wonder...

But ultimately that doesn’t matter.

For Rain World, for Five Pebbles the rot is the culmination of a number of things. But I think a key one is kind of masked. It’s the factor of how Pebbles didn’t want Moon to be involved... And I don’t think this is a nefarious thing... just as I don’t think Pebbles truly fully understood the damage he was doing when he took the water, not until later and then he tried so hard to hold onto his anger over his guilt because if he let himself feel it...

But, this...

Did you know it’s always the hardest to tell the people closest to you that you long for death? Always the hardest to talk to the people who you KNOW would be worried, would be shocked, horrified try and convince you to not... the ones who so deeply care about you it hurts something deep deep down...

...the people who you feel like you’re a burden to.

That is why Pebbles didn’t want Moon to be involved. Suns meanwhile, I think it’s telling in how he reached out, and then the information Suns sent. They were in the same groups... Pebbles was comfortable, Suns had similar views and really was not helping, but oh Moon... Moon would have been so hurt, so worried, and how could he possibly tell her that? No, never, he can’t--

And then anger is easier, anger in the face of his own mistake.

I ask this, who was he most angry at. Moon for causing the rot, or himself ultimately?

...

And here’s a core of these feelings.

When you want to die, to be nothing. It’s not a matter of lack of care, not a matter of anger and wanting to hurt those around you... it’s a desperate plea, a cry out into the darkness of the world for some control, something tangible, sense of freedom. Which with the Rot looming as a threat, everything that followed. God, I have so many opinions and no words to explain them. But it’s so much deeper than just what we see on the surface.

...

All the iterators want to be free. Those who theorise death is the answer are just as desperate, just as seeking it. It’s just that burning unfairness, it’s what Pebbles had motivating him. To find the answer, to find meaning, freedom for them all. He even tells as much to The Artificer, his laments, another distraction, and he’ll try again, he has to get those results, now because if he doesn’t... what’s it worth with empty words to Moon? To the others in the local group? And he’s now on a time limit.

This, didn’t help. And boy, I can relate. Not in that I have cancer, but chronic illness is... energy draining. I have chronic aches and pains. I struggle and boy do I know how much worse that plays. Which loops back around to Pebbles unstated but very present vibes of feeling like a burden. The unwanted mess of a younger sibling.

...the unfavourite.

The rot been the culmination of all his failures and oh boy... I just finished Rivulet’s story and boy did it make me remember where I was going with some of these thoughts. Boy did it make me feel things because seeing how everything unfolds, how everything dominoes.

Pebbles choice of a non-verbal apology. A sorry without using that empty word.

“I’ve made my choice”

And in the end, that choice is still so in line with everything else. He’s the sibling that’s unwanted, cut himself off and has that belief that he’s the disliked one. Between the two of them Moon’s the more important one... and he’s sick anyway. Can’t fight it, ran out of options, but at least he can choose to face it on his own terms... that’s what Rivulet’s story comes down to. What his choice in the campaign comes to as meaning.

“I cannot run from my mistakes forever; Please Understand”

Is it any wonder he longed to be nothing but a memory? And you know what really sucks about it... the core background behind that is at least as nothing nobody has to be burdened by worrying about him anymore right? Moon won’t have to carry her worry, her protection of him anymore...

There is no suffering in the void, no thoughts in death, the dead worry for nothing for they have no thoughts, no needs... they are nothing but memories that the living carry.

Hah, the greatest irony... often what keeps someone from committing is that mess of burden.

Is it more of one leaving people caring for you or... the burden of how they will have to handle everything that comes with the loss of someone so dearly cared for?

[reevezs]

It wasn't necessarily something he wanted to joke about, smart enough to slow down there before he assumed she'd enjoy therapy-related jokes, but he still smiled at Summer's words and nodded. Therapy was way too expensive sometimes, knowing how many people would find it useful. "Getting to know yourself brings some comfort, if that's consoling at all," he replied with a helpless sigh. He did need therapy to reach that level, probably because he didn't have an internal dialogue in his head 24/7. So sad, that even Zach didn't want to talk to himself too much.

"Yeah, fighting is worse. I've learned that from my ex," he blurted out before he realized it wasn't necessarily something he should share right now. Well, if he said A, he also had to say B, so he hurried with some explanation. "I mean, my ex had an older brother and sister just like you but they fought a lot and made all family meetings... awkward." He smiled apologetically for bringing this up. "They'd say anything just to make the other look stupid. It was kinda painful to watch sometimes." The way he said the last bit emphasized how he wouldn't want Summer and her siblings to be like that too, more sympathetic than most of the things he told her thus far.

With a bit of thoughtful head-tilting and nodding at her opinion on twins, unsure if he could imagine the opposite – not having a twin, that is. "I'm sure it's different from having older or younger siblings in the sense that you go through the same things at the same time. More or less. No lifehacks for or from a fellow brother in arms." He shrugged. "Identical. His name's Eric. Normal hair, extroverted, you'd get along. Oh, maybe he'd even download one of those apps you've mentioned."

He had to agree that she did have many things to say but was also surprised to notice that he still didn't mind that. He didn't really miss sitting in silence and that was a good sign. "Hey, Leo, I'm gonna get us those drinks, yeah?" Zach leaned forward getting ready to stand up and tapped both hands on the table. "Therapy might be expensive but whiskey on the rocks isn't," he added with a wink; Eric would be so proud of that line.

She chuckled at Zach's remark, appreciating his non-judgmental attitude. "Oh, trust me, I need therapy. I am just too poor to afford a decent therapist," she admitted, a wry smile playing at the corners of her lips. "Well, I guess that's one way to look at it," she added, a touch of amusement in her tone. "Who needs therapy when you've got your own internal dialogue to sort things out, right?"

His words got her thinking for a second; he had a point. She tilted her head, pondering his words for a moment before responding. "You're right about that. Fighting would certainly be worse. I have an older brother and an older sister. I'm the youngest of the three." While she wasn't engaged in active conflict with her siblings, she couldn't shake the feeling that she'd prefer heated arguments over indifference any day. But she wasn't going to voice that, of course.

Upon hearing about Zach's twin brother, Summer's eyebrows lifted in curiosity. "That must be interesting," she remarked, her lips pursing in thought. "Although, I'm not sure if I would enjoy having a twin." She paused for a moment before continuing, "Fraternal or identical?"

Summer got comfortable in her seat as she listened to Zach, nodding in agreement. "It's definitely a dynamic duo kind of situation," she said with a smile. "What can I say? I am very opinionated and have many things to say."

With a playful smirk, she added, "I guess that's just the Leo in me."

[onyourhyuck]

REPLAY. | Park Jisung (M)

prologue- “You’re so pretty.” + “Kiss me again. It was one of the best kisses I ever had...”

tw- where jisung loves his best friend’s older sister and he happens to finally confess. But Y/n is oblivious. Older girl x younger boy trope. Wholesome fluffy romance. Incredibly cheesy but wbk.

Notes- Noona Neomu YEOPEOOOOOO-

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Jisung’s heart will never give him a break it seems. At least not tonight, because he’s currently walking late at night with his long term crush since childhood. Jisung’s older brother is friends with Y/n, they’re the same age and they also happen to be roommates. They attend the same university as well. Jisung happened to be over at their house for tonight, others would be thinking he must really like his brother’s presence when in reality he came unannounced at your place just to see you.

Now you are strolling the streets on your way back home, with Jisung standing by your side with his large hands tuck in front jean pockets. You smile to yourself as you watch the younger boy.

He was quiet and mysterious, most people find him extremely intimidating for many reasons; he was really tall, detectable resting face and he never speaks because he’s got social anxiety and he’s shy personality wise. Big introvert too. But to you, you never seen him like that.

You are three years older than him. He’s just turned twenty and you’re twenty three. When he was really young you babysat him too. Your parents and his parents were high school friends and neighbours, growing up in the same town and neighbourhood was both a blessing and a curse.

A curse to jisung. You never once saw him as a man but the child you have the imagine of him stuck in your head to be. This annoys the boy so much, boils deep within him a burning rage to the bones, shaking him apart like an earthquake. Jisung is a patient man, it takes a lot to upset him. So the very front fact that he knows you only see him as this young boy and not the grownup man he is, truly upsets him. But you never seem to realise how angry this made him, because he never really openly admits it.

“Noona.” He calls out suddenly stopping. You hum against your teeth stopping on your heels and slowly turning around to face him as you held the plastic bag with the snacks and drinks. “What’s wrong?”

Thump. Thump. Thump. Ah there it is, his ole’ heart beating again but this time speeding like a racing car finishing a long term marathon. Even though he was an adult, Jisung feels like this giddy social anxiety you’d get from confessing to your crush comes back no matter what age you really are— the throat swells up going dry, the teeth clatter together like plates upon other dishes. Ears become boiling pots on stove, turning red, as well as his blossoming accurately shown cheeks in the streets lamp lighting covering by the darkness of the background surrounding you both.

He grows red just by his inner dialogue mentally preparing what to say. Even though he was practicing for this moment to get you alone, why did his voice become unstable, quick and stammer?

You raise your eyes at him, with a slight scold when looking down at the time on your phone screen. “Jisung we will be late and your brother will throw a tantrum if we don’t come back soon—”

“I like you!” Jisung exclaims.

Out of nowhere, you stumble back on your feet when following turning to face the boy now no longer to be interesting in returning back, but questioning the boy you see in front of you with a increasing amount of reddish cheeks, erupting on their way to fluster you too. Unsure why those three words meant a lot to you, you question your hearts intentions right there. Why did you like to hear this from him? What was your heart fluttering open like a blossoming rose under the moonlight as its only source of light mean to you? Perhaps,

Perhaps your heart always liked Jisung, but you never bothered listening to it. Only your head was controlling you. Making Jisung to be viewed as your friends little brother who you knew since childhood, baby sat him and did many activities together. Playing those childish hide and seeks, kicking about a football until late in the evening. Sleeping over at each other’s houses like it were your second home seems so, contemplating now.

When did you develop such strong feelings, butterflies slam on the pit of your hard skin to skin contacting stomach, ready to leave and screaming to escape when this anxiousness hit you. The minor silence sharing between the two, their breathes were talking however. Jisung’s harsh hitching breathing was held tightly inside his mouth when he saw your body take a step forward. second step forward. Then a third step forward, where with your hands wrapping round the hem of your palming hoodie.

But what if, this relationship could ruin everything? What if, this could really go in vain. What if, you break his heart into miniature pieces to the point of no return of having the same innocent heart he has now. Maybe, you weren’t the one for him. Those words echo in the back of your head like a penetrating gunshot blazing to your skin.

“Jisung I like you too of course, you’re my friends brother.” You force a friendly smile, a smile that shown no romantically feelings behind. Maybe, it’s better to flat out play dumb. This way, you’re protecting Jisung from getting his heart broken.

You’re not perfect and you admit it. Jisung might not realise that you’re probably not worth his time. He’s finally starting university this year, and you’re soon to leave the university with your degree. You will be working an actual job nine to five, unable to focus on dating. As will he too, university is much more versatile and tricky to handle. Deadlines are to be made on the same day sometimes. Sleepless nights will happen very soon for Jisung. And he will have to focus on every little class he will get.

You’re only going to hold him back. Right?

Jisung’s face darkly falters as he faces you with a hint of bafflement. How could you, out of all people, you, push away his feelings so easily? You’re smiling so heavenly at him, showing your perfect teeth while you’re at it flashing him your beautiful eyes. Under this midnight starry moonlight was a boiling volcano of his feelings ready to burn you alive.

He looks down at his shoes when you turn to walk away. Then he remembered, he cannot hold anymore to this image you have of him. Jisung has to prove to you, that he is not a little kid that you seem to see him as, and he most definitely will not allow you to push away his feelings like it meant nothing to you. The boy swore, he saw your eyes sparkle at his confession, he saw the way your eyes widened, jisung saw your eyebrows lift up to the sky and your ears perking up similar to a cat.

By the time you turned your back to him, you swung back with a strong arm-like force pulling you round as if you were a blunt fire pit of sun and he was the rotating planet he resolved around with. As if, you were the only thing that mattered to him. The touch sparkles a bristling fire on your warm skin, sharing your heat with the boy who flys close.

Lips touching yours for a minute. The softness and pluckiness leaving you crazy, you swore a minute never felt so short, Y/n finds herself running back for more. Wanting more. The soft kiss felt so, loving, you never realised how much love he has poured for you all his life; you’d have to say, you felt touched and flattering by this.

When the boy pulled away catching a breathe with you, he carries on talking like a wild boar running around crazily. It was like this time he really cannot hold on anymore. Jisung was a crumbling old ruin, breaking down more. It’s been one many years,too many.

“In this situation I’m not his brother. I am your friend who has fallen for you deeply and I can’t go pretending I don’t have feelings for you anymore, Y/n. I like you all along, for years, I tried my best to show you how I feel and you still don’t get it.” He huffs out a silent scream. How your heart clenched for him.

“Can you just for tonight, not look at me as this little boy and please. View me as a man who’s deeply in love with you. Can you please do that tonight.” He urges on, like he wasn’t going to see tomorrows light. You bite on your bottom lip watching him up close, fuck, why are you seriously checking him out now.

Oh how badly you wish to kiss him again. But at what costs? How will his brother who is your friend react to you dating his little sibling? Does he even approve of you as a girlfriend? He knows all your exes and situation-ships that never made it to the dating zone. But the temptation was so strong, you find yourself swirling around Jisung like a little helpless fly zooming in his left and right ears.

Slowly your lips part, “Kiss me again. It was one of the best kisses I ever had...”

As he did oblige with pleasure, creeping a soft smile inside the softly placing kiss on your lips, it soon turned into this much more mature steaming session in middle of nowhere practice as the fallen grocery bag rests in between your bodies. Big hands on your face, covering your entirety of the apple cheeks and jawline. Your hair flows back against the harsh wind blowing jisung’s black bangs upwards. The way your face was so flushed in colour amazes him, was this the effect he has on you? Did he really hear those words correctly.

Best kisses you ever had? The proudness of this was so real in him. He takes pride in being the best of the best you will ever have and Jisung, will never let another man step inside that circle.

Pulling apart from the shared make-out, one long string of saliva connects the two of you, smokey air leaving his lips when he left your lips from practically inhaling you, it was like he cannot get enough of you. The taste. The way you feel. The way his emotions keep igniting him up inside like he was a match stick. Brushing past his thumb on the bottom of your lip, he grazes it softly, driving you to the edge crazily. Something in you must of snapped like a freelancing twig in middle of nowhere.

You pull Jisung down when suddenly the courage you found takes over your body completely. You want this boy, you thought in your head. You want him. Pulling him down when finally latching to the front collar of his hoodie’s two long strings. He follows down your silhouette strength by the pull, landing on your lips. Jisung, never felt so bewildered in his life. Your lips softly slid in as did your tongue pushing on top of the roof of his mouth. Teasingly you press him onto the nearest tree surface where he felt trapped in your presence and energy suffocating him from the inside than outside. His chest clenches tight, Jisung naturally follows his body’s instincts and pulls you closer by the waist.

Hands on your waistline like they belonged there, when he had you pulled in, you gasp at such actions in the kiss but did not dare break away. He felt your surprising voice, in which he lowly growls when you finally clasp your hands on his face quickly and hungrily speed the kiss up. Your heartbeats were ticking bombs, ready to explode any minute.

Jisung was so lost in you, in so deep that he couldn’t see the light anymore.

You pull away first, even surprised that you found the resistant to even leave him alone considering you were hungrily eating his lips out like you were personally starved for decades. When doing so, he was lowly opening his eyes with yours, looking at you with soft lustful eyes.

You hear him speak, like he was absolutely done for. “You’re so pretty.” Jisung tells. “Fuck.” He gasps, when feeling the way he was so content with joy. He might not be able to date you, but he never felt so satisfied and heard about his feelings than before. This was like a jackpot, to him. He’s doomed. There is no saving him. It’s not like he wants to be saved either.

You felt a chill sent to your body as his forehead rests on your shoulder. He was slouching down against the tree with his head buried in your right shoulder completely, suddenly the hands on your waist tighten pulling you closer into an embrace . Somehow, you felt a smile creeping on your face and the blush travelling on your cheeks to your ears brightly bruising them with the infectious reddish pink colour. He murmurs, even the way his deep voice rolls your name off his tongue.

Why didn’t you realise it sooner, how attractive he can be. How in love he was with you. “Let’s say like this forever please. I don’t want to leave you.”

You found yourself relating hard his words. “Mhm, sure. Let’s stay here.” You whisper wrapping arms around his body back.

You find yourself wanting to do the same. To stay in his hold forever.

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@onyourhyuck please refer from translating copyrighting and plagiarising my work thank you. Reblog this fic and follow me for more updates it helps a girl out.

[ladyartemesia]

Since I'm in love with your writings and your taste in reading too. I know that your favorite is Brother's best friend or Best friend's brother, I would like for you to recommend me some of them please ❤️❤️🙏

꧁Brother’s Best Friend꧂

Clandestine by @junghelioseok is fantastic. Jeon Jungkook is the best friend of the reader’s slightly younger brother. He’s sexy and charismatic and DEFINITELY knows what he wants. The growth of his (clandestine) connection with the reader is utterly delicious. This one made me laugh and swoon.

Guarded by @xjoonchildx is basically legendary in my book. The lady in this story is not only Hoseok’s best friend’s sister—she is also his BOSS’s sister and by boss I mean mafia. This is the first installment in Ana’s amazing Rap Line Mafia Universe and it delivers on every level. Hoseok is tasked with protecting the boss’s sister after she is being threatened by sinister forces unknown and sparks fly.

Plums and Melons by @winetae is THAT FIC. The fic I just daydream about sometimes. It’s a fic about two people caught hard in eachother’s gravity. It’s so sexy and cerebral and the main characters are so hot. Jimin is just a guy trying to live his life, but whatever is brewing between him and his best friend’s sister is driving him insane. He wants to be a good guy, but she just isn’t playing fair.

Are You Sure? by @cutechim is such a swoon-worthy and touching piece of wonderful. I tell you I was MOVED. This is beautiful and emotional and EXTREMELY satisfying. Taehyung’s best friend has a sister who he has always secretly adored. When she comes to him and asks for some intimate experience, he isn’t strong enough to say no—not when she’s everything he ever wanted.

Drivers License and Detour by @gyukult is sweet and tender and just a fantastic coming of age story. The reader has been in love with her brother’s best friend, Park Jimin, for almost all of her youth... but what is going on in his head?It’s a tender story that really warms the heart. AND I am happy there is more coming. I would read about these two all day. She published the second part and oh my gosh it’s so incredibly perfect I could scream. This was just such a beautiful journey every step of the way.

Milestone by @1kook is probably one of the first brother’s best friend BTS fics I read and it is amazing. I adore it so much. Because Jungkook is your brother’s best friend he is there for every milestone in your life. But you’ve both grown up now and neither of you are kids anymore. It’s hot. Like really hot. Dialogue and set up are so sharp and fast paced I really loved every second.

Young God by @njssi is scorching hot smut with complicated feelings and warm revelations. You think it’s going somewhere and then it goes somewhere else and honestly it is so awesome the whole time. Jungkook was always your brother’s sweet little friend, but he’s returned determined to show you that he is all grown up.

Tease by @caiuscassiuss floored me. I loved it so much! I spent the whole story just squealing happily about everything. This story has it all. It’s scorching hot. It’s enemies-to-lovers. It’s Taehyung. Jungkook’s sister and Kim Taehyung do not get along AT all—so she decides to bring him to his knees by making him desperate for her. It’s a wild and completely awesome ride.

Wasabi by @ironicarmy is a classic. Hobi is a bad boy that Namjoon vehemently refuses to let near his precious baby sister. But love is too strong a force and soon Hobi and the clever object of his desire decide that some things are worth fighting for. It’s a really sweet story of facing challenges and relying on the people you love. Warm and fuzzy feelings abound, but it’s also super hot.

Forbidden by @btssmutgalore is a masterwork blueprint for this trope. Hobi is a carefree player who falls brutally for Taehyung’s sister. They two of them eventually give in to a VERY steamy series of secret encounters and feelings get very involved. This is hot, suspenseful, and emotionally satisfying. Excellent characterizations as well.

Prohibido by @personasintro is an office AU with a twist. Namjoon is not only her brother’s best friend, he is also her boss and the two of them have incredible chemistry. Watching them pretend that they’re not insanely attracted to each other is so endearing and hot. Reader is convinced her feelings are one-sided. It’s lovely and fun. Definitely a slow burn, but worth it.

Strawberry Kisses by @kimnjss is a fic that I devoured in one sitting and then re-read again immediately. Jeon Jungkook is a player who matches with a girl on a dating app and has no idea she is the sister of his revered mentor and close friend, Min Yoongi. I laughed. I cried. I GASPED OUT LOUD a bunch. It was a whole thing. This is a hybrid social media/written AU and it’s pretty much perfect.

Tempestuous by @ppersonna is so special to me because it was written at the very beginning of my friendship with Lindy. She was looking for requests and I was quick to request my favorite trope. Lindy is bae now and this fic she wrote is marvelous. You are forced to spend the weekend in the same house with your sexy arch-rival Taehyung who just so happens to be your brother’s best friend. Naturally snarky hotness ensues.

Off Limits @floralseokjin is basically a famous entry when it comes to this trope. It’s a Jin fic and Miss Jordan writes EXQUISITE Jin characterizations. There is a hint of mistaken (or unknown) identity in this one which makes it even more fun. Sparks fly between you and a devilishly charming Kim Seokjin at a party. You don’t find out until later who he really is—and why he’s off limits.

And finally I’ll recommend my own Brother’s Best Friend fic All I Want for Christmas is You featuring a charming Taehyung who falls for Jimin’s sister. Jimin basically blackmails his best friend into escorting his sister to several holiday galas. Tae and Jimin’s sister have never gotten along, but they soon discover (through multiple pranks and mishaps) that love (and desire) are out of their control.

Not Your Fairytale by @yeojaa is incredibly sweet and tender. Erin really does emotion so well and her Yoongi characterization is honestly so nuanced and brilliant. This story is about a girl who had her heart broken and instead of canceling the cake tasting she scheduled with her philandering ex-fiancé, she wrangles the tsundere best friend of her brother to pretend to be him.

Brother’s Best Friend by @bts-hyperfixation is a short and sweet moment between two people who have been fighting their attraction for each other. It is so hot and delicious I tell you. You’re in trouble and the person you call is probably the person you shouldn’t—but you aren’t the only one willing to take a risk tonight.

Off Limits by @kaddiiction will break your heart and put it back together again. This one was recommended to me by a reader and I cannot thank them enough. It is fantastic. Jimin is a player but he crosses the line when he begins a liaison with his best friend’s sister. Still there is far more to this situation—and Jimin—than meets the eye.

꧁Best Friend’s Brother꧂

Orectic by @gimmesumsuga is one of my favorite fics of all time. It is a hybrid fic where the reader is a cat hybrid and Hoseok is the brother of her best friend who comes to stay with her while her bestie is away... It is so tender yet SO HOT. I’m telling you I cannot even keep count of how many times I have read it.

Theophany by @ilikemesometaetaes was a JOURNEY. It made me so emotional. Like the story centers around art a lot, but let me tell you, this fic IS art. Jimin is just the man of my whole dreams in this piece as the brother of a former best friend with an irresistible allure. It is a coming of age story with the most beautiful twist. AND THE LOVE SCENE—oh my gosh I screamed it was so good. This story is just so so good.

Run by @neonlights92 is Jungkook’s story in the mafia universe I am COMPLETELY OBSESSED WITH. You don’t have to read the whole series to understand it (BUT YOU SHOULD). This is best friend’s brother meets arranged marriage and honestly it’s fantastic. Jungkook doesn’t do love and affection and being forced into an arranged marriage with his sister’s friend who has always had a crush on him is just a blow to his freedom... or is she? GAH! This story—like all the stories in this universe—is superb.

The Magic to Happiness by @readyplayerhobi is a best friend’s brother meets teachers AU meets Hogwarts AU. Now... all of those are top tier tropes so finding them together is like winning the lottery. Hobi was once just a skinny kid who had obvious heart eyes for you (his sister’s best friend) but now he’s tall and confident and really attractive. The magic of this story is evident in every word of the sweet relationship that blooms between these two.

Problem with You by @monvante is so sweet and kind of hilarious. I giggled so much! Jungkook is your best friend’s brother and he is kind of too perfect and too handsome and he’s always around and you hate him and he hates you... Right? When you cross paths with the infuriating Jeon Jungkook at your best friend’s wedding, you discover that you may have been wrong about a great many things.

Show Me Yours and I’ll Show You Mine by @ktheist is so so SO fabulous. I was obsessed with this (now complete) series from the very first installment. You and Tae are besties who have know each other since you were little kids, but lately Tae’s older brother Jin has been lookin mighty fine. Just how far can you push him till he breaks. And if he breaks.... what then?

This list is BY NO MEANS exhaustive. I just used it to compile some of my FAVORITES in this particular trope.

➪ IF YOU HAVE ANY OTHER BROTHER’S BEST FRIEND FICS I SHOULD CHECK OUT PLEASE COMMENT (seriously please I love this trope so much) AND I WILL ADD THEM TO THIS LIST.

➪ Newer Additions are in PINK!

➪ Newest Additions are in BLUE

[sohnric]

okay first of all i cried when i got this reblog i kid you not duckie i- 😭😭 i dont think u realize how much this means to me since i admire you as a writer quite a lot hhh but anyways

first of all i need to say that i am the younger sister that had to hang out with her brother's friends growing up <3 also yes i did have a crush on my brothers friend too but it sadly never worked out (jk he was 4 years older so thats actually a good thing LMAO)

this fic really is just me being so delusionally in love with eric and assigning him every specific love language that i go crazy over like SHARING HEADPHONES ??? i died a little when i was writing that

you really predicted the ending right at the start how could you- HHH glad you enjoyed the tough love sibling dynamic i created for sunwoo

THE POOL SCENE THE POOL SCENE I WAS TEARING MY HAIR OUT WRITING THAT like the image of half naked eric w water driplets all over him is just ingraved into my head i was TRYING to keep it tame w the descriptions

"he feels so safe and like a hug as a person" you GET IT you get it. for this reason only i refuse to ever write eric angst he is my hug and my sunshine golden retriever boy he can do no wrong ever

AHHH DUCKIE I AM GRINNING SO MUCH RN AT READING YOUR THOUGHTS LIKE U DONT GET IT UGH

sad to announce april is actually the superior month but anyways-

THE NOVEMBER SCENE IS ACTUALLY MY FAV LIKE THE DIALOGUE THE SILENT CONFESSION THATS LIKE BRUSHED OFF BY THE BOTH OF THEM BC THEY ARE BOTH KINDA DENSE ??? ugh glad someone felt about it the same way as i did

the december scene was the one that inspired this whole fic hhh :,) glad u think the world building is good bc i legit felt like this fic wasn't enough 90s vibes to be 90s au but now i feel validated!!! wouldn't have done it without my obsession with 2521, my fav christmas movie from the 90s and this one czech tv show that's set in the 90s *sighs dramatically* i was born in the wrong generation

he is so boyfriend in this whole fic like he's not the boyfriend but he kind of acts like one anyways. keeping your pic in his wallet is the most romantic thing a man can do fight me like i didnt know i was so cheesy and romantic before being an eric stan somebody euthanize me

you and me both w the friend groups :(( ugh i wish i could give u a very warm hug

I WONT BE SCARED AGAIN I PROMISE its just the first fic always feels so scary to post idk TT but ugh i appreciate this a whole lot and i will definitely look back at this reblog whenever i feel like my writing sucks again to give myself some encouragement. i am SO happy you liked my fic and took time out of your day to read it :,) my fics are more often than not just vibes and slice of life and NO plot but glad u liked it nonetheless <33

you can thank my older brother for the authentic sibling dynamic its all personal experience (my brother said we were "playing karate" just so he could trick me into fighting me my poor 8 year old self was too guillable)

once again thank you so much for everything duckie i hope u dont mind me replying with a long ass reblog as well HAHA i just. :,) treasure this a lot. ily

millennium bug – e. sohn

pairing: eric sohn x fem! reader

genre: 90s au, twenty-five twenty-one au, brother's best friend au, childhood friends au, fluff, slice of life, coming of age. older brother! sunwoo. essentially just eric being baek yijin. oct-nov scenes inspired by weak hero class 1. no plot just vibes im sorry

warnings: minimal swearing and thats all lol

word count: 19k

a/n: posting a fic for a new fandom is always so scary pls be nice to me deobiblr bc im literally abt to cry. also yes i am calling this a 2521 au bc the plot is so heavily inspired it might just be one. a special thank you goes out to @csenke for dragging me into stanning this group i am enjoying myself 🤞

there are some pros and cons to not having friends growing up. cons: you're always forced to tag along with your brother and his group wherever he goes. pros: his childhood best friend is kind of hot.

JUNE OF 1999

Being Kim Sunwoo’s younger sister is no bed of roses sometimes.

Sure, you get the occasional excitement of having him bring you rollerskating with you down the hill or the ever so rare moments of him defending you in front of your mother when you two have done something wrong (while never saying he was in on the bad act as well, of course), but more than often, you are met with his disgusted looks and insults whenever the two years older boy passes by your room and casually bangs at the door just to spite you.

His snarky looks are especially ones to remember. Maybe it’s because he offers them to you often– much like in this very moment, completely unprovoked, and completely not by your fault.

“But mum–”

“I already told you, Sunwoo,” your mother looks at him with a stern look in her eye, the one that makes chills run down your spine, “you can go if you take Y/N with you.”

“But nobody’s bringing their sister! Mum, come on–”

“Take it or leave it, young man.”

And see, your brother may be 19 years old, but he’s still in need of getting permission to leave the house if it includes an overnight stay. It’s an unspoken rule he always follows, since he’s usually granted the right to leave, but the result of his conversation was different than what he expected this time. And see, you may be just two years younger than him (one year left until you are an adult), but even though your mother is too busy to take care of you and entertain your slowly adultling self on most days because of her highly demanding job, she always makes sure that you don’t stay alone for long, and that’s exactly why (you realize, contrary to your brother) she insists on making you tag along on Sunwoo’s trip to the beach house with his friends.

The male grunts and turns on his heel, not giving your mother another response– and with this, you know she won. And that means you’ll have to pack your bag soon, because you know that there’s no way Sunwoo would miss going to the beach house with his friends– even if it meant making his little sister tag along.

And sure enough, Lee Juyeon’s minivan pulls up into your driveway only a few hours later, and the sound of the honking outside is enough for your older brother to aggressively drag you outside of the house, shutting the door behind you and hollering an angry “Bye mum!” to your mother. Your figure is handled with the least amount of care possible as you’re thrown towards the white van, the door opened and 5 heads already peeking out with expecting eyes, waiting for your brother’s arrival.

“My mum made my stupid sister go with me, so I hope we have space for one more,” Sunwoo huffs as he throws his bag into the trunk, slamming it with more force than was necessary (boy does he know how to throw a scene), an encouraging voice of none other than Juyeon– the driver himself– landing in your ear. 

“Sure, just hop in!”

With that, your feet finally unglue themselves off the ground and bring you into the vehicle. You’re familiar with his friends– since a scenario like this hasn’t happened for the first time and you had to spend your fair time with Sunwoo’s circle growing up, mainly because you never really had many friends yourself. You’re not close with any of them, though, and you’re sure you haven’t seen half of them for ages. 

Lee Juyeon is the responsible one of the group. You’re comfortable with the fact that he’s the driver, since you’re not entirely sure if you’d trust any of the other men in this space behind the wheel (you fear the day your brother gets a driver’s license. You'd bet a million dollars that he’ll die while driving recklessly one day). Next to him on the passenger’s seat is Choi Chanhee, his best friend, carrying a map in his hands and twirling it in all possible directions to get his friend on the right track. In the three-seat behind those two is Ju Haknyeon, Ji Changmin and your brother himself, and in the very back of the whole van, almost in the trunk, you’re sat next to Eric Sohn– your brother’s childhood best friend.

“Hi guys,” you offer a greeting to all of them, settling into the uncomfortable leather seat (that’s peeling off, just by the way), watching as the rest of the men pay you no mind and ignore your voice, falling into a comfortable conversation with each other.

Sighing, because this always happens– your brother gets too annoyed because he has to bring you with him all the time, and you imagine his friends aren’t fond of the fact either– you settle deeper into the seat and cross your hands on your chest, looking outside of the window. You can’t imagine enjoying your trip now, since you feel like you’re a nuisance, a child they have to take care of (yes, it embarrasses you just the tiniest bit, you have to admit. Although, you do enjoy getting out of the house from time to time), and the fact that your feelings were probably more than justified and also true has you pouting, an unsatisfied feeling weighing at your lungs.

“Hi,” a voice resonates from your side, the sight of a smiling Eric peering at you taking you off guard. You didn’t expect anyone to react to your greeting– not so delayed anyway– and the sight of your brother’s best friend carrying on in the conversation with you has you shocked beyond belief. “Excited?”

Finding yourself hum in agreement– how much you are still excited for the pool and for the sun, you’re not really sure– and although you are upset, something about his open and nice demeanor has you visibly relaxing, the sparkles inviting themselves back into your eyes. “I’ve never been to the beach,” you admit, seeing Eric gasp at you in surprise.

“Really?” he asks. “I go every year with my parents.”

“Well,” you hum, “you know how my mother is…” you sigh, chewing on the inside of your cheek. It’s easier to joke about it than to actually let the fact get to you– with your mother being the main news anchor, she is too busy to actually go on trips and form bonds with her own children sometimes. That’s why you spent most of your childhood at Eric’s family’s house in the first place– this is what made you the closest with Sunwoo’s same aged friend. His parents were nice enough to let you stay over and have sleepovers whenever your mum had to leave suddenly and take week-long trips abroad, or have emergency shifts during late evenings. 

Eric hums, sympathizing with you. “Well, at least you get to experience it now!”

“Yeah,” you awkwardly nod, playing with the hem of your jean shorts. It’s the shorts you made yourself by cutting the legs off your favorite pants after you grew out of them and they got too short, and they’re starting to look a little worn-out now. Maybe you should beg your mum to get you some new clothing.

The conversation between the boys grows in volume, doing nothing to help you to relax in the crowded vehicle. You can’t really find a place to fit yourself in and talk, the topics too unfamiliar for you and the feeling of not even being welcome in the discussion sitting heavy on your chest, when a finger bears itself to the flesh of your thigh, making you snap your head around to gape at the source of the contact. Eric looks at you with a boyish grin, sparkles evident in his eyes.

“Wanna see something?” he asks.

“Sure.”

The male digs around his backpack, hands searching through the contents of his bag for only a couple of seconds– since he’s the neat one, contrary to your messy brother– before he takes out a small gadget: a square with a little screen on top, a silver, circular button space sitting big in the very middle of the device. Eric throws the thing into your lap, smiling when you take it into your hands and examine it with curious eyes.

“Have you seen one before? My dad got it for me last week,” he boosts, satisfied with your reaction to it. 

Your mother’s job pays quite well– meaning that you usually have the latest gadgets, the latest trends– but if you’re being honest, you haven’t seen one of these in real life before. Yes, you caught a glimpse of an ad for it in the town center, on one of the big billboards while passing by to get to school in the morning, so you know that it’s an MP3 player, but still; this was your first time touching one and examining it in real life. 

“How does it work?” you ask, watching as the boy scoots from his seat to the middle one, so he is now sitting directly next to you, before he takes out wired headphones from the first department of his backpack and turns the little square over in his hands, finding where the jack goes.

“You put those in,” he says, plugging in the headphones, “and then you press this…” he explains, taking the device out of your hand and pushing on the power button for a few seconds, “and then it should play.”

Watching him with expecting eyes, the boy finally puts the MP3 player back into your hold. Then, his fingers swiftly put the respective earphones into your ears– like you’d do to a little kid that has no idea how they work, making you a little flushed at the action– and after that, you’re left with the sound of an unfamiliar song playing in your ears, making the sound of the chatter in the van completely tune out. Eric keeps on watching you, a sense of pride in his eyes as you nod at him, all excited with the new explory, before he takes one of the earphones out of your ear, grinning.

“Cool, isn’t it?”

“Yeah,” you nod. “The song is good,” you dumbly say, watching as the boy next to you pridefully nods at the compliment, resting his back against the car seat. 

“It’s the H.O.T album. My dad says they’re good,” he mumbles, moving the headphone he took from you and placing it into his ear, making you nod at him in acknowledgement. The action has your insides bubble with disappointment, thinking that the fun is over as you reach for the other earphone as well, offering it to the male.

Eric looks at you with a shocked pout, shaking his head. “No, we can share!” he says, pointing towards your ear. “If you want, of course.”

The action has you smiling, a shy nod escaping out of you as you reach and put the earphone back into your ear, letting yourself fall deeper into the car seat, listening to the song from Eric’s MP3 player. You’re grateful for his presence– he didn’t have to keep up a conversation with you. He could ignore you, just like the rest of his friend group always has. Maybe it was something about the two of you growing up together that always made the boy at least a bit more affectionate towards you than the rest.

You spend the car ride to the beach house with Eric leaning on your side, listening to music and his occasional blabbering about how his previous days went. 

Somehow, you're glad the seat beside him was the only vacant one when you arrived to the vehicle.

YOUR SEVENTH BIRTHDAY, 1989

You don't quite remember when you met Eric for the first time, if you’re being completely honest. The first memory you have of him is of your seventh birthday party, although you’re almost certain the boy’s been present at some point of your life before– at one point, you think you saw a picture of him and Sunwoo, two chubby toddlers, watching you as you laid on a blanket on the ground somewhere in your photo album. As far as you’re concerned, he may as well have been there when your mother brought you back from the hospital– although you think he must have been too young for that back then.

The first memory you have of Eric Sohn is the day you turned seven– a gloomy, sad day that in the moment, you prayed you wouldn’t have to remember in the first place.

It was already established that while your brother is the social butterfly, you don’t have a big friend group. Actually, you could count the number of your friends on one hand, and since the amount wasn’t as big, your mother allowed you to invite them all over to your house to celebrate your birthday with you. 

She baked a cake, she decorated the living room, hell, she even took a day off from work– something you deemed special, for it doesn’t happen often– and as you sat on the floor of your living room, the cake standing proud on the small coffee table, waiting for your friends to arrive, you hummed a song under your breath, the clock slowly passing the time you agreed for them to come over and celebrate.

At first, you didn’t mind it– everybody gets late sometimes, it’s okay. It was just a birthday party, and you had a lot of time. Not everything had to be set on schedule.

But the closer the clock moved to being one hour, than two after the time your friends were supposed to come, you grew worried. Your mother’s nervous pacing around the living room and her heavy sighs as she sat next to you on the floor, smiling at you in what you can only explain as sad way made you more and more anxious about the fact that you only had three friends, but all three of them seemed to not care enough to come celebrate your birthday with you. And as your mother finally took the final bow in the form of a soft hand on your inner thigh, her tone gentle as she called your name– “Y/N, I think we should light the candles,” you began to tear up.

You were supposed to eat the cake with your friends. You were supposed to hear them sing the birthday song to you. You were supposed to turn on the radio and dance around with your classmates, eat the sweets and unwrap the cheap, but heartfelt gifts they brought along with them to celebrate your birthday. 

But none of these scenarios were happening, and you felt incredibly, incredibly lonely and sad. Forgotten, if you will. Not cared for, definitely.

Hiding your face into your hands, you started to cry. This disappointment was too big for your small heart to take, and you no longer cared about the cake, the candles, the seaweed soup your mother cooked for you to celebrate, the gifts, or the party. All you wanted to do was hide in your room and never come out– something about the whole situation felt deeply embarrassing, and to this day, the moment before the whole day turned around still makes you feel a bit ashamed of yourself. 

Too busy crying, you didn’t notice your older brother watching you with big bambi eyes, a worried glance sent your way each time your sobs grew louder and louder. And maybe the boy only wanted to taste the cake (he’s been bugging your mum about it since the very morning, but he was always sent off with a scolding look telling him that he’ll get a slice when everyone arrives), but no matter what his true intentions were, his actions still managed to pull your seventh birthday party together in a way you never imagined.

The sound of the front door faintly resonated in your brain somewhere in the middle of your aimless sobbing, but you paid it no mind, thinking it was just Sunwoo going out to the yard to kick the ball. See, your older brother had never really known what to do when you cried growing up– it didn’t matter if he was the reason for your tears or if anyone else was. If he was the reason for your emotional outbursts, he tried to shut you up with his palm and get you to stop crying before his mother found out and gave him a scolding, but if someone else was, the small boy sometimes turned angry at the source. Kicking his classmate that once made a snarky comment about you and made you tear up or punching his friend when he was too harsh with you was all he knew to do in these situations, so he wasn’t the one to comfort you with words or hugs. It was only natural for him to escape in this situation.

You were brought to a state of shock and surprise when a hand landed on your shoulder, a familiar voice breaking you from your emotional turmoil.

“Why are you crying? We have to eat the cake!” you heard, your big, sad eyes meeting the small figure of the boy living next door, your brother nervously stepping from one side to the other right behind his best friend. “Can you light the candles, Mrs?” Eric politely asked your mum, pointing towards the cake waiting sadly at the coffee table, the figure of your mother leaving your side only shortly to get the matches from the kitchen and illuminate your face with the small flames.

Confusion mirrored your features as you watched your brother and his best friend sing the birthday song to you while your mum lit your candles, both boys clapping and dancing around, acting silly just to get a laugh from you. You didn't know how Eric got there, but you guessed there are some good sides to having him as your neighbor. The energetic boy did his best to brighten up your mood a bit, and when you blew out the candle, making a wish, Sunwoo even went as far as smashing your face into the cake to bring in the full birthday authenticity.

That got him a slap to the back of his head from your mother, as well as made you stand up from your position– no longer making you look like a disappointed bulk of pity– and chase him around the room, icing falling off your nose to the laminated floor. You got your revenge and smeared the chocolate all over his forehead (he let you chase him down only because it was your birthday and he really, really hated to see his sister cry, but he won’t ever tell you that) and as the three of you sat back down to the floor, watching your mother slice the cake and offer it to you on small white plates, you realized you suddenly weren't as sad anymore.

“What did you wish for?” Eric asked you, mouth full of cake and face messy with chocolate.

“I can’t tell you,” you hummed, eyebrows furrowed. “Then it won’t come true.”

“You probably wished for that doll you saw in the store the other day,” Sunwoo snickered as he swallowed, having you glare at him and send a sharp kick to his shin, unwatched by your mother (thankfully), as the boy fought you back, having no mercy.

Music suddenly filled the room as Eric stood up and put the radio on, his 9 year old brain smart enough to know how the device worked, his small figure dancing away to the songs playing on the single radio station you could play without carefully sorting out the antenna so it faced the north, and truly, you didn’t know how it happened, but it had you standing up and dancing around, exactly how you'd imagined doing with your friends from school.

The day wasn’t ruined– quite the opposite, really. It was one of your favorite birthday parties, and ever since then, Eric was invited to every single one you had after. And while Sunwoo may act like he doesn’t hate anything more in this world than having a younger sister, every time you feel like a burden to him, you remember this very afternoon.

You will never tell anyone what you wished for that day– but just to let everyone in on the secret, 

it was to somehow, just like Sunwoo, find someone like Eric for yourself as well. 

JUNE OF 1999

Standing at the side of the pool, eyes squinting from the inevitable force of the sun, you’re starting to regret your decision of coming along just a little. See, you usually don’t protest whenever Sunwoo aggressively drags you around and brings you everywhere he’s supposed to, because even though you love to see your brother angry (especially when you’re the reason behind the emotion), you’d also hate to see him miss out, but now, as the scorching hot sun is having no mercy on every exposed inch of skin– and believe me, there’s a lot of it, since you’re wearing your swimming trunks– and the sweat on your forehead is no longer culminating in beads, but rolling painfully slowly down your forehead, you do admit you’d be a little bit happier in the shade of your little room than here, watching the guys play volleyball in the comfort of the freezing cold pool.

And as the only female around the house, you settle with the patriarchy and bring out a small folding chair and a camping table alongside with a big, sharp knife, struggling to hoist up the giant watermelon you got in a grocery store on your way to the beach house, with the intention of cutting it and serving it to the guys later. Who knows, maybe they’ll like you a little more after that. 

The knife sinks into the thick green skin of the watermelon easily, and so as you accompany yourself with the excited (and not so excited screams coming from the losing side of the game– mainly your brother himself), you cut up the fruit into halves, then quarters, and as you stare at the moon crescents settled on the camping table, you decide to play nice and cut up the fruit into smaller triangles as well, to really get on everyone’s good side.

The yearning for male validation awakes in a woman pretty early on in life. It’s an inevitable misfortune.

“Told you Sunwoo’s all talk but no game!” you hear Haknyeon yell out as the game seemingly ends, the younger boy lunging at him in the pool, fighting him for the truthful words. Glancing at the commotion, you notice the guys slowly getting out of the pool, making you heave out in victory– you’re finally gonna have your turn in the pool. Well, if they don’t decide to occupy it again before you even get a chance to get in.

“Y/N! You cut up the watermelon?” Eric asks a very obvious question, walking up to you with beads of water all over his half-naked body. His dark hair is damply sitting against his forehead, making him look like a wet puppy, but as the male gets closer to you, he drags his palm through the locks and pushes them back, revealing his forehead– a sight sweet to your eyes, but you refuse to pay it much attention in the heat of the moment. It’s just the sun making you delirious as the idea of finding him attractive flashes through your brain, that’s all. 

“I did! Take one,” you smile, watching as the rest of the guys walk over to your little stand– while also obnoxiously swatting out water out of their hair like dogs, refusing to use towels like normal people– and finally, there it comes: appreciative smiles appear on their faces as they each take a piece, biting down on the fruit with delighted sighs.

Sunwoo walks up to you with a surprised look on his face, sighing as he messes with your hair. “If I knew you’d be our servant, I wouldn’t have even minded you going in the first place.”

“You do something nice for people and they jump on the chance to exploit you,” you hum, shaking your head in disbelief. “That’s just like you, Kim Sunwoo.”

“No, that’s just me having older brother privileges.”

“I hope you choke on that, you know,” you bite at him, pointing towards the piece of sweet watermelon in his hands, the smile on his face turning bitter. There’s a satisfied look on your face when your brother does, indeed, choke on a watermelon seed a few seconds later– and they say dreams don’t come true.

“You didn’t have to,” you hear Eric speak up from the other side, your head turning to face the male, his features appreciative and warm. “Thank you,” he beams. There’s redness on the tip of his nose and his forehead, signaling his quickly approaching sunburn, and you can’t help but laugh out at his clueless, Rudolph the red nosed reindeer self. 

“What’s so funny?” he asks, furrowing his eyebrows at you in question.

“Nothing,” you peep, “you just look like you forgot to use sunscreen,” you mumble, watching as the male gasps and touches his face, a horrified expression overtaking him when the skin under his fingertips burns to the touch. 

“I didn’t forget! It must have rubbed off in the pool,” he mourns, “I must look stupid!” 

“Only a little,” you tease, a grin overtaking your features. See, there’s something about the fact that you’ve known Eric for the entirety of your whole life that makes you more prone to teasing him– you’re familiar with your dynamics and just how far you can go, so his next actions startle you just the tiniest bit as the male looks sternly at you, throwing the half-eaten watermelon slice to the camping table. You thought you had the risks calculated– apparently, you didn't.

“What did you say?”

Examining his features, seeing no signs of anger– just the stoic, fakely-offended face of your brother’s childhood best friend– you shrug. “That you look a bit stupid with your face like that.”

“Oh, okay,” he nods, “you’re going down for that.”

“What do you mea–”

Your words are cut short when the male lunges at you, his arms enveloping your thighs and holding you up. The contact of his cold skin from the pool and your heated figure makes goosebumps appear all over your body, your hands instinctively reaching around him to support yourself as he walks closer to the pool– his intentions are suddenly painfully clear and you start to panic. 

“This will teach you to respect your elders,” Eric huffs, the turquoise surface of the water slowly coming into your point of view.

“Stop! Stop-stop-stop,” you squirm, kicking your feet and trying to take down the predator, “I’m sorry! I’m sorry, alright?”

The male takes a halt for a split second– making you foolishly believe he’ll let you off– before he breaks out into a devilish grin and continues to walk to the edge of the pool. “Too late.”

“Eric!” you scream, the volume of your voice resonating through the whole beach, your heart thumping wild against your ribcage with the awaiting process. You’re not even sure what you’re scared of anymore– you can swim and you bet the water will feel nice against the scorching sun– but still, you’re absolutely terrified as the male has no mercy on you, carrying you steadily towards the water. “At least let me tie my hair first! You can dump me in after, I promise,” you mourn, trying to buy yourself more time.

“Alright,” he nods, waiting at the very edge of the pool, leaving you to take the purple scrunchie off your wrist and gather your hair together, preparing to tie it into a bun so it doesn’t get in your way when you’re in the pool. The hair tie is just at the tips of your fingertips, the first loop over the hair ready to be done, when a scream cuts out of your throat.

The feeling of falling suddenly overtakes your body, leaving you no time to prepare yourself for the impact of the cold water against your skin and all up in your nose, since you didn’t pluck it when you were dumped into the pool. The fall only lasts a split second until you’re below the water, the force of it resonating in your ears, and when you finally act on your instincts and stand up in the pool (it wasn’t even that deep in the first place, only reaching to your upper stomach), you cough out all the water and pray to gods you don’t throw up chlorine into the freshly cleaned pool. After you’re done catching your breath and getting oxygen into your lungs again, you do your best at getting all the hair out of your face. 

There is laughter landing into your ears as soon as you manage to get all the water out of them by leaning your head to the side and violently slapping each one, and when your eyes look up, you see an amused Eric Sohn bending over in his waist at your disheveled appearance. 

Grunting and pointing a finger to the criminal that almost made you drown, you huff out. “I’ll kill you! Just you watch.”

Your scrunchie nowhere to be found, forever lost somewhere outside of the beach house, you think, as it flew off your hand in the impact of the attack, shock makes your figure shake alongside of the coldness of the water, making you audibly sigh. 

Yes. You do regret coming along just a little.

JULY OF 1999

Somewhere along the way, Eric Sohn starts acting as if he’s your second older brother. Sure, you’ve known the male your whole entire life and he’s seen you grow up, but it took him 17 years of your life to come to a point where he gives you equal amount of attention whenever he’s over at your house than he does to your brother, and even asks Sunwoo if you’re coming along with them whenever they leave to hang out somewhere else. It’s a change that comes naturally and slowly, and you welcome it unknowingly– the revelation shocks you on a hot summer day, though, when the idea finally comes to you in full force.

You would even argue and say Eric acts more like your brother than your actual sibling does– he asks if you’ve eaten and listens to you when you talk (which Sunwoo never does, well, except from when he’s arguing with you). Eric even compliments your outfits sometimes and lets you borrow his MP3 player from time to time– Sunwoo would never share his things with you, no matter how hard you pleaded and threatened to tell your mum. Yes, your brother's an adult and you’re one year away from becoming one– you still resolve your conflicts through your only parent, though. Some things, you never grow out of.

“I wanna try using the skateboard now, Sunwoo,” you order sternly when the boy finally reaches your destination. You’ve been sitting on the sidewalk for quite some time now, since your brother and his friend decided that they’re gonna try out their new skateboards on the hottest day of the year. Your town doesn’t have fancy skateparks and ramps like the ones you’ve seen in the music videos on TV, so you don’t really know what initially made the two buy those things, but you do admit that even driving up and down the road in front of your house does seem a little fun– so much you’d love to try it.

“What a shame we all wish for things we can’t have,” he shrugs ironically, shaking his head at you from his position above. The male reaches down for his bag, taking out a water bottle and putting it against his plush lips, all while you glare at him from below, still seated in your initial position. Eric comes up to you two, squishing at the soft plastic bottle in Sunwoo’s hold, making the water splash your older brother in the face, leaving a winning grin to be shared between you and the shorter boy, an expression that makes you all warm on the inside. See, at least Eric always has your back.

“You can try mine, if you want,” the latter shrugs, offering you a smile.

“Really?”

“Yeah,” he nods, “why not?”

“I don’t know,” you shrug, “I just didn’t expect you to offer, since as you saw, my dear brother just refused when I asked…” you mumble, standing up from the sidewalk and taking the skateboard into your hand. Eric offers it to you with an outstretched arm and watches as you put the board on the floor, squinting at it with much examination.

“Do you know how to ride it?” he asks.

“No,” you shake your head, “but I mean, if Sunwoo can do it, how hard can it really be?” you joke, seeing as the said boy glares at you, finally finishing his water and dropping the bottle to the ground. 

“I’ll remind you of that statement when you eat shit on the pavement,” he shushes you, rolling his eyes. 

Not paying more attention to the grumpy being that is your own brother, you relocate your attention back to the skateboard on the heated road. You’re lucky you live on a street where cars don’t often drive by, since your neighborhood is on the very edge of the town, so you don’t really fear being run over by a pickup truck. What you do worry about, though, is your lacking sense of balance, which you discovered when you learned how to ride the bike for the first time. While your brother was a professional in no time, it took you weeks to get it right, and so with the idea of riding a board that provides you zero sense of security, you get a bit worried for your own life.

Dragging your hair out of your face and aimlessly trying to tuck it behind your ears– there’s no use in trying though, as the strands slip out just as fast as they found their place– you keep staring at the board only a few centimeters away from your feet, mentally calculating your next move. There’s a noise of a backpack being opened and rustling around in the background of your miserable thoughts, and when you look up to see what’s going on, you notice Eric offering you a small, purple bundle of fabric. 

“What’s that?” you ask, even though the answer is clear as the day– you recognise your own scrunchie with no problem. You’re just surprised to see it in his hold. You thought it was forever buried somewhere in the beach house, since you weren’t able to find it after you got out of the pool, no matter how hard you tried.

“Oh,” he shrugs, amidst a little too nonchalantly, “I found it and figured it was yours, but I forgot to give it back to you then… it seems like you need it now, though,” he offers you an explanation, lips pressed into a thin line that slightly signifies a smile.

“Ah,” you gasp, nodding as you take the hair tie out of his outstretched palm, gathering your hair into a bun and tying it up on the crown of your head– the staring contest you’ve been having with the board is much clearer now, when you don’t have your messy strands in the way. The idea of Eric keeping your scrunchie after finding it at the beach house makes your stomach do a weird kind of turn– you guess it made you a bit weirded out, if you’re being honest.

“Want some help with that?” he asks, pointing towards his skateboard.

Nervous, cracking your knuckles as you meet his eyes– he looks a bit amused, but still genuine– you nod, admitting defeat. There’s no way you’re getting on top of that board without help and not falling down. It’s always better to be safe than to be sorry, and so when Eric laughs airly at your composure and takes a few steps closer towards you, you let the male lead you, finding comfort in his secure words and actions.

Eric offers you his arms to hold when you try to get on the skateboard. He is peering at you from under his eyelashes when you put one of your legs onto the wood, his grip on your forearm getting firmer when you try to get your other foot on as well– and you must admit that you suddenly don’t feel like you might die anymore when there’s someone holding you and standing by your side. 

“See? It’s not that hard,” Eric mumbles, his voice low and reassuring from the proximity. You notice your hands sweating a little when his palm envelopes yours– damn the sun and its unbearable heat making you embarrass yourself– but he doesn’t mention it as he firmly holds you and meets your eyes. “I’m gonna drag you around a bit so you get used to it before trying yourself,” he says before taking a few steps forward, preparing to be your own type of personal driver.

Having him instruct you and help you around makes you feel more comfortable on the board. Sunwoo would never do such a thing for you– he’d enjoy watching you fall down and break your neck and possibly die– so you’re more than happy to have someone in your life that takes care of you in ways your older brother refuses to. 

The skateboard moves forward a little, starting slow, but then picking up speed as Eric jogs a little, making you laugh at the action. He does not have to go above and beyond, but he still does– but you guess it’s good for him to let out his energy somewhere. After a while, he looks back at you and meets your eye with a warm gaze, making you nod at him reassuringly and hold up a thumb of the hand he’s not holding right now, signaling that you’re okay and enjoying yourself. That has the male let go of your hand and let you take the road with the laws of physics, moving forward by yourself with the force he created. 

It’s nice. It’s fun. 

Yes, you totally understand why Eric and Sunwoo wanted skateboards after seeing them on TV. Hell, you want one now.

“Try it yourself now!” Eric encourages you as the board naturally comes to a stop under you, and his smiling face is enough for you to take initiative and nod, relocating one foot off the wood and placing it on the floor, then kicking it and making yourself move on the simple vehicle.

A moment of surprise envelopes you like a warm hug when you manage to not fall off and keep your balance, the joy of it making you try to go faster on the board, kicking once, twice against the pavement with the sole of your old, beaten up shoe. “I’m doing it!” you yell, glancing back at Eric standing on the sidewalk, watching you with excited eyes. The male offers you a victorious holler, something that makes you break into a laugh, makes your confidence blossom in marvelous ways.

Confidence rises in you so much you try to take a U-turn and go back to your teacher– perhaps showing off that you really got the hang of it now, or something– but as you try to maneuver the board and turn right, there it comes: the moment where you realize that you were, once again, too overly-confident in your abilities that are, sadly, very poor. Your body sways from side to side, your poor balance laughs at you and points an accusing finger at your attempts, and, well, to put it frankly, your whole life flashes in front of your eyes and the moment plays in slow motion as you lose the board from below your feet– the wood flying somewhere to the opposite side of the road, not at all where you meant to go in the first place– and your body inevitably comes crashing to the ground.

Awaiting the hard pavement meeting your nose and breaking it, you brace yourself with palms outstretched in front of you, the last remains of self-perseverance entering the sane parts of your brain in what you think are the last seconds of your miserable life. Another moment of surprise greets you when your yelp is muffled against something soft and your hands don’t hit the hard pavement, your ears filled with a grunt that belongs to another human swiftly chiming in and catching you before you fall.

Firm hands hold your waist– the touch somehow familiar, enveloping you in a strange sense of deja vu– and even though your body goes limp in terror, the male has you back on your feet in no time, his palms on the exposed skin of your stomach. The realization has you burning up as you look up and meet Eric’s eyes, gasping at the closeness of his face to yours. 

“You okay over there?” he asks as you unconsciously study his face– you never noticed his nose looked this nice up close– before you wake out of it and nod urgently, breaking away from his hold. You’re not gonna try to calculate the effort he must have put in just to chime in and catch you from where he was standing in such a short moment, but something about the passing thought of it has you weak in your knees from gratefulness. 

“Uhm- yeah,” you nod, kicking the pavement with your stained shoes, “I just… miscalculated my skills, that’s all,” you sheepishly hum, hearing the boy snicker at your shaken-up composure.

Watching him take off and retrieve his skateboard from where it wandered off against the curb– much to his golden retriever energy– you sigh and prepare to go sit back on the sidewalk, having enough of new experiences from the shock still lingering in your fingertips. You take a glance down the road, seeing your older brother cruising on the street– when and how he got there, you truly have no idea– when you hear Eric, who seemingly has different ideas for your next actions, call at you from the middle of the pavement.

“Where are you going? Come back!” he asks, having you look at him in surprise, mouth agape and eyes big, staring at him. He now has the board under his shoulder, but puts it back on the road and points at it, shrugging to himself. “I’ll push you down the road, it’s gonna be fun!”

“Eric, I’m literally going to die–”

“No, you’re not. Come on, I promise,” he says, but still, he doesn’t have you convinced. Your feet move against your best conclusions, though, and when you come to a halt right in front of your companion, he offers you a boyish grin. “Sit down on it, that way you’re more balanced. I swear you’re not gonna fall off, okay? I got you.”

“You promise?”

“Yes,” he nods, determined.

“Pinky swear,” you mumble, holding up your pinky finger– all thoughts of seeming childish pushed to the side in the desperate moment– and the male in front of you shakes his head in disbelief, breaking into a laugh.

“Cute,” he huffs, “yeah, okay. Pinky swear,” he nods, interlacing your pinky with his and bumping his thumb against yours, the seal foolishly making you feel more secure as you follow his order and take a seat on the skateboard, your hands gripping the bottom of the wood so hard your knuckles turn white.

“Okay, ready? 3, 2, 1–” he chants as he pushes you, two steady hands coming in contact with your shoulder blades, force making you move on the board, wheels taking you down with gravity. The sound of Eric’s shoes hitting the pavement fills your ears as you go faster, and as you finally get to the part of the hill that takes a downwards slope, he offers you a final push, sending you down the road. 

Wind makes your hair fly back, your surroundings blurring as you yelp and scream, but you can’t say you’re not enjoying the ride. Eric was right– it was fun, you liked it, and something about the gesture had you all warm on the inside. The breeze has you cool down a little in the summer heat, and the board continues to move even as you pass your older brother standing at the bottom of the slope, away from your trajectory. 

Body relaxing when the skateboard finally slows down, you let out a heartfelt laughter. Turning back and seeing Eric jog down the road with a humongous grin on his face, you offer him two thumbs up above your head, watching as he returns the gesture and makes his way back to the two of you on the bottom of the small hill.

The truth is, this was the day you realized Eric Sohn has always found his way to make you feel included and safe. 

You can’t help but feel grateful.

AUGUST OF 1999

“Sunwoo, you have to tie a knot here and then– no, you dumbass, you’re doing it completely wrong,” you mourn as you watch your older brother with a mess of thread in his lap, a focused scowl on his face. There’s a fan standing across from you, blowing cold air into your face, but you still feel yourself grow heated with frustration as Sunwoo just can’t help but not understand the art of making friendship bracelets. It’s not like you’re forcing him to do them– he was the one that asked you to show him how to, muttering something about offering one to his classmate Yeji once he’s back in school– so in theory, he should be putting in effort, no? 

Or maybe he is. Maybe he’s just… incompetent.

“I don’t get it,” Sunwoo hums under his breath, sighing as he leans against the sofa in your living room, the two of you sitting on the floor accompanied by his best friend squinting at you from the opposite side, a comic book in the latter's hand. The myth of men not being able to multi-task is quickly thrown into the bin as you watch Eric pay equal amount of attention to the comic book and the dialogue between you and your brother, and when Sunwoo seems to give up on the art of making friendship bracelets, his best friend can’t help but laugh.

“You’re giving up already? This is how you want to get a girlfriend?” you poke your brother to his side and take the threads off his lap, examining the mess of a safety pin and meters of yarn, all knotted up and not coming along in the shape you taught him to at all.

“It’s not to get a girlfriend, I just-”

“Sure,” you roll your eyes, huffing as you roll his poor attempt at friendship bracelet into a ball and throw it to the corner of the room, making a mental note to pick it up and throw it to the bin later. “You know what, just give her this one and pretend you made it,” you mutter, taking a bracelet you'd already made to demonstrate in between your fingers and throw it into Sunwoo’s lap, the older one catching it and examining it under his nose.

“That looks pretty good,” he hums, making you snort at his appreciative comment. The bracelet is pink and red, the colors just screaming romance and cute energy, which is exactly what a girl needs to be swayed by your brother. You can’t really believe a bracelet will make her swoop into his arms, because truthfully, with your brother’s face and manners, every living thing is keeping a fair distance, but hey, it doesn’t hurt to try, does it? Maybe his classmate is… majorly blind? That might do it?

“Of course it looks good,” you scoff, “that’s because I made it,” you nod, averting your gaze towards your lap, threading your fingers through the yarn you attached to a safety pin on your sweatpants to keep the growing friendship bracelet in place. 

“Then why is the one you’re making right now so ugly?” Eric asks, pointing towards the creation. 

Glancing up at the male slowly, mentally throwing all different kinds of curses at him for daring to talk badly about your craft, you huff. “What do you mean, ugly?”

“The colors… they don’t… they don’t really go together,” Eric sheepishly admits, scratching the back of his neck, quickly averting his gaze from you and gluing it back into his comic book. You think that if he doesn’t stop being a smart-ass and throw jabs at your artistic choices, he’s gonna have to protect his comic book with his own body– and you bet he’d do that, because he borrowed it from the library. The fees for damage are high.

“That’s just… not true at all,” you muse, but groggily take a look at the creation once again, but now, thanks to the remark, seeing it in a completely different way. Shades of orange, brown and purple stare back at you amidst a little disappointedly, and as you thread the yarn and make a couple of knots to end the bracelet, you can’t help but feel a pout growing on your face from the realization. Eric might be right. It does look a little bad…

“Whatever. Your taste is just bad,” you snap as you finish off the craft piece, unclasping the safety pin and sliding the bracelet off the inside, freeing it from the hold. Eric laughs a little at your frustrated state– similarly to what you do when you manage to get Sunwoo upset– and with that, you sigh and put the bracelet on the coffee table.

“I’m going out to the store to get some chocolates,” you say as you stand up, goal clear in your mind, “have fun, losers.”

“You’re still collecting the stickers from these?” Sunwoo asks, a mischievous smile growing on his lips. The teasing is inevitable and coming very soon, and there’s nothing you can do about it– you’re fully aware, which only further makes you want to escape the situation more quickly. Rolling your eyes at your brother’s antics, you move towards the door. 

“Yes, Sunwoo, I am. They’re cute and make me happy, do you have a problem with that?” you point an accusing finger at the male, having him shrug, tongue poking the inside of his cheek.

“You’re such a kid,” he huffs, averting his gaze from you when he lands the comment, the jab coming straight at your fragile heart.

“Okay, then,” you note, “I’ll just have my pretty and cute bracelet back, and you can get your girlfriend something else-”

The male quickly regains his previous composure, swatting his hands in hurry just to make you halt in your sentence. His eyes are big and his mouth is a little agape in terror as he tries to save his ass, plea written all over his face. “I was just joking! Don’t be so petulant… go get your cute stickers, they’re so fun!”

Humming to yourself, your face is tugged up into a victorious smile. “That's what I thought. So, as I was saying, have fun, losers.”

“Wait!” Eric suddenly calls for you, making you turn on your heel in the middle of your escape, eyes peering at the male. “Don’t I get a bracelet too?”

The request catches you off guard. There’s a certain kind of spark in Eric Sohn’s eyes as he asks the question, and you can’t really place it in any category, but it has you nervously shrugging at the preposition. You’re not really sure why Eric would want a bracelet from you, but to avoid confrontation and also the weird leap of your heart surely leading you into cardiac arrest, you only shrug and move back inside of the living room, chewing on the inside of your cheek as you scan the surroundings, searching for something.

“Sure,” you nod, taking the ugly bracelet off the table and offering it to him, “you can have that one.”

You hold a staring contest with the older boy for a couple of seconds, his head undoubtedly swirling with arguments and comments about the apparel of the friendship bracelet, but he’s smart– he must know the survival of his beloved comic book must be at stake. So, he only nods and smiles at you, outstretching his hand to you and nudging his head in its direction.

“Okay,” he hums, “tie it for me?”

A second comes by– a heartbeat, really– in which you chew on your bottom lip and gasp at the request, but still, you nod and come closer, crouching down to be at his level and taking the thread into your fingers. You wrap the bracelet around his wrist, making sure to leave a bit of wiggle room before you tie a knot, bringing the ends together, all while feeling the eyes of Eric glued to your face, watching every micro expression flash through your unsettling composure.

When you’re done, making a move to hide your hands behind your back and standing up, your limbs bump into each other and send an unspoken sense of electricity all through your body. The sensation is so strange you don’t meet anyone’s eye before you leave the room, yelling out a goodbye as you hurriedly open the front door and run out to get fresh air (it’s August, though. The air is humid and only makes your head spin more).

You clear your throat before you take off to the grocery store. It's only when you're halfway there that you realize you'd forgotten to bring your wallet with you. It's okay, though– you take this chance to walk around, regaining your casualty.

You bet Eric will take the bracelet off in a matter of a week.

SEPTEMBER OF 1999

The leaves start turning orange and the weather a bit colder when you become hyper-aware of your shifting composure whenever Eric Sohn is around. The way you feel heat rushing to your cheeks whenever he calls you cutie, a nickname he’s had reserved for you since you two were little kids, the way you feel weak in your knees whenever he casually brings his arm around your shoulders or when he bends down to tie your shoelace in the middle of the sidewalk. You don’t really know what those sudden changes are, yet, you feel a bit embarrassed by them whenever they take place. You don’t think it’s normal to feel this way around your brother’s best friend, and the more you hang out with him, the more you wish you read less books as a child– because now, you’re also hyper-aware of the title those feelings may have. 

Still, it only comes to you on one September afternoon– you wake up from blissful unawareness and jolt with the quickly opening pit in your stomach at the strange revelation.

“Eric! Sunwoo isn’t home, though?” you mumble, confused as you notice the boy standing on your doorway, a plastic bag in his hand and a red Nike jacket enveloping his frame.

“I know, he said he’s hanging out with Juyeon hyung today,” he nods, “I brought you something, though,” he says, holding up the bag and making sure you get a chance to see it, offering you a boyish grin.

“Oh?” you gasp, furrowing your eyebrows at the male. When you do nothing to invite him inside, he does so himself– slightly nudging you in your side as he passes your figure and enters your house. He acts like he owns the place, and by the amount of time he’s spent in your home, you’d think he does– he doesn’t, though. The only thing he owns is just a lot of audacity.

The male takes off his shoes in the entryway and walks his way over to your room– a surprising act, considering he’s spent the least amount of time in this very place– and when he’s sure you’re following his every move, he empties the contents of the bag to the middle of your freshly made bed. Watching as approximately ten items fall out of the plastic, your eyes widen with surprise as you recognise your favorite chocolate– the mini bars with stickers inside, the ones you collect and stick into your journal and look at in the middle of the night, giggling to yourself and kicking your feet at the adorable pictures in your make-shift collect book.

“Woah,” you gasp when the male looks at you, seemingly awaiting your response, and when he gets the wished outcome, pride overtakes his features, shrugging to himself.

“My mum got some for free because she bought a lot of cabbage for kimchi yesterday,” he explains, “I thought of you when I saw them, so I bought you some more.”

“I- you-” you stutter, emotions too big for your own good swelling all inside your fragile, little self, hands running into your hair and tugging at the roots to wake yourself up from the dream. “You didn’t have to!”

“We got them anyway, and I know you like the stickers,” Eric shrugs, scratching the back of his neck, completely ignoring the fact that he said he bought you some more, your heart skipping a beat at the sentiment. Clearing your throat, you tentatively take a step closer to your bed, gathering a bar of chocolate into your hand and opening it, taking a bite.

“You can have the stickers if you give me some chocolate,” Eric says close to your ear, almost as if he was creating a masterplan, to which you eagerly nod and plop onto your bed, moving the bars of sweets into one pile. As you continue to munch on the first one, you unwrap the sticker and look at it, praying to yourself as if you were checking if your lottery ticket was worth any cent– hoping you get a sticker you don’t own yet.

The image of a cute panda would cheer anyone up even in their darkest moments– not you, though, as you mourn and sigh, disappointment clear in your features. 

“What?” Eric asks, eyes big pools of worry.

“I already got that one.”

“Ah,” he nods, seemingly understanding– much to your surprise, “well, we got 9 more tries, let’s get to eating.”

Wrappers are rustling in your bed sheets as you and Eric eat the concerning amount of chocolate, gathering the stickers in a little pile on top of your notebook, promising each other to not look at the stickers as you go and just make a grand reveal at the end. Eric’s full cheeks are a sight you enjoy, telling him he looks like a squirrel– to which he sends a light flick to your forehead, telling you you don’t look much different– and soon enough, the nine bars left disappear from your plain sight (you only had 3 and Eric ate the remaining 5. He’s a growing boy, though, so you understand. He needs to get his undying energy from somewhere.).

“Ready for the reveal?” you ask, locking your gaze with Eric.

“Ready as I’ll ever be.”

With that, you get to the pile of stickers in the middle of your bedsheets. Looking at the first one, there’s a happy squeal cutting out of your throat, the image of an adorable yellow duck warming you up with euphoria. 

“You don’t have that one yet?”

“I don���t,” you nod, “this is just perfect.”

Eric nods and watches you with a certain kind of warmth in his gaze as you open up your notebook and stick the newest addition to your little sticker farm– or a ZOO, however you wanna call it. The next sticker from the pile is added as well– a brown, big bear– and the next one too, the most adorable colorful parrot slapped to the corner of your page. 

The rest of your stickers are the ones you already own, though– a displeased look takes over your features at the knowledge, but still, you can’t help but beam at the fact that you have 3 new additions to your collection, and they were a gift from Eric Sohn himself. Someone who doesn’t make fun of your childish habit. Someone who feeds your little interest, watches you with excitement in his eyes as you indulge. Someone not like your brother. 

Someone you could never see the way you see your brother.

“What do you do with the duplicates?” Eric asks, pointing to the sad pile on the top of your notebook. His figure is closer to you now, since he wanted to watch you stick the animals into your notebook, his crossed legs almost pressed against yours on the small bed.

“Well, usually, I just throw them out,” you shrug, “but since you’re here…” you muse, the idea plopping into your head like the newest discovery you should probably patent, peeling the back of one of the dog stickers off and swiftly turning towards your companion, mischief sparkling in your eyes.

You put the sticker on his left cheek, making the boy jump. “Hey!”

Giggling, taking another one of the stickers and pressing it to the middle of his forehead, Eric starts to fight you, your bodies wrestling on the bed. You don’t think he puts much effort into getting you off him– that, or he’s insanely weak– and in no time, his face is adorned with all different kinds of animals, his hair messy from tussling in your bedsheets. The image has you laughing before you realize you’re basically straddling him on your bed, his big eyes gaping at you from below, his appearance enough to make something in your brain short-circuit and make you leap off him, clearing your throat.

Heat rushes into your cheeks as you take a seat next to him, playing with your fingers. You pray for anything to come and ease the awkwardness you caused, and sure enough, today must be your lucky day. “Hey, look here!” 

You call for the boy as you swiftly take your polaroid camera off your bedside table– the one that belonged to your dad, the one you fought with Sunwoo about, the one your mum said was yours because Sunwoo is too careless with his things to keep it safe– and snap a picture of the puppy-like boy, laughing at the fact that now, you have the image of him looking dumb and covered in stickers forever. Or at least until he doesn't take it away from you– which he attempts quickly.

“Hey!” he yelps again, huffing as he lunges at you, trying to take the picture out of your grasp as you drop the camera into your soft sheets. Your feet take you to the living room, navigating through furniture, and when you don’t hear footsteps follow you, you think you’re safe– Eric does have a lot of energy, but chasing you around gets tiring for him quickly when he knows you'll never let him win.

Entering your room once again, prepared to find him on your bed like before, you’re taken by surprise as a shutter sound goes off right after you open the door, a polaroid picture taken of your face making you temporarily blind at the flash.

“Eric!” you whine, hating that there’s a picture of you standing shocked at your doorway now forever in the universe– not really caring that the boy just got you back with the exact stunt you pulled on him just a few minutes ago. Before you get a chance to blink out the blind spots in your vision caused by the flash and run after him, though, you feel him gently press you out of the doorway and slip outside, the sound of the front door opening and closing after him resonating along his slowly disappearing, amused laughter.

Serves you right, doesn’t it? 

Sighing, you shake your head and take a seat on your bed, the picture of the boy still in between your fingertips. You only take a look at it when your vision comes back to normal, and as the image of Eric covered in stickers, hair messy and cheeks rosy below the animal print comes into your sight, the revelation arrives the same second a starstruck smile plays with your features.

And with that, you’re absolutely terrified. 

Throwing the polaroid picture onto the bedside table and lunging yourself into the sheets, you scream into your pillow and wish for the feelings to disappear– because in what world does a crush on your brother’s best friend ever come to a happy ending?

OCTOBER OF 1999

Once October hits, you find yourself home alone more often than you’d like. Sure, you don’t mind having some me time to read comic books or watch the TV uninterrupted in the living room, but still– alone turns lonely pretty quickly, and somehow, you start to regret the fact that you’ve been relying on your older brother and his friends for so long instead of making some connections on your own.

Sunwoo started to play soccer at school– something is telling you that he might go far if he keeps it up– and that’s why he’s been stuck at practice every single day, coming home late in the evening all tired, but happy, so you’re not really complaining. Eric works in the little bistro downtown now, since he wanted to make some money and not rely on the allowance Mrs. Sohn gives him every month, and it’s not like you were that close to begin with, but the fact that the boy is now too busy to meet you is making your spirit fall just the tiniest bit. And with your mother always being at work, you find yourself alone in your room, laying in your bed and staring at the ceiling. 

Sometimes, you journal. About anything and everything, really. You don’t really think you’re ever gonna read back the entries once you’re older, since they would just be a reminder of how miserable and boring your teenage years really were, and that’s why you allow yourself to be authentic. On most days, you write about your assignments for school. Sometimes you bad mouth a classmate or two– gossiping with the diary pages, because you don’t really have any human beings to do so in real life– and seldom, you allow yourself to get into topics that evoke the slightest bits of existential crisis in you.

Topics like college. Growing up. Your lack of hobbies and social interaction with the outer world. The newly found crush on Eric Sohn…

Okay, maybe you do write about the boy with brown hair and dark eyes a little too often. You can’t help it, though– when he’s not giving you any new interactions to dwell on, you have to just pick apart the old ones. You think it’s a natural reaction.

And that’s exactly what you’re doing one October afternoon, the lamp in your room on, since the evening comes faster when the weather is colder, as you’re laying in your bed and kicking your feet back and forth, chewing on the end of your pencil. The sound of your doorbell resonates through the house suddenly and startles you, making you jump awake from your delirious delusions.

Mentally going through the list of possible visitors you could have– because it can’t be your mother or your brother, since they never forget to carry their house keys– you’re lost, not really finding any fitting candidates. Furrowing your brows, lost in thought and frankly, a bit confused, you plant your socked feet onto the wooden floor and walk over to the front door just in time for the bell to ring again. Scratching the back of your neck in nerves, thinking of precautions you could take for your own safety– since your front door doesn’t have a peep hole and you don’t want to open the door to a complete stranger– you clear your throat and yell over the door.

“Who is it?” you ask.

“Delivery!” a voice calls through the door, making you huff. 

“I didn’t order any food?” you yell back, confused. “Sir, there’s another house behind ours, sometimes the mailmen get confused and we get their mail. Maybe try there?” 

“The address is right, though?” the voice calls again, and somehow, it sounds kind of familiar… no, it can’t be, you dumb goose. You’re just imagining things because you’ve spent the last 20 minutes writing about the curve of his nose into your diary.

“There must be a mistake-”

“Come on, Y/N, open the door,” the voice on the other side mourns, the mention of your name making you jump, completely startled. The tone the man says it in is sweet like honey, though, so familiar in your ears, that you mentally want to slap yourself– so you weren’t dreaming. It is him.

Dragging your hand through your hair to smooth it down, praying you look at least a little presentable– although in your stained sweatpants and the Pokémon shirt you inherited from Sunwoo when he grew out of it, you doubt that’s even possible– you open the door and try to offer Eric a warm smile. “What are you doing here?”

“Food delivery,” Eric shrugs, pointing with his thumb in the direction behind his back, where his bike undoubtedly stands up against your gate.

“Oh…. but I already told you I didn’t order anything,” you mumble, confused. Studying his face– because a girl can indulge when she has the opportunity, am I right? – you notice his hair has grown a little longer, falling into his eyes. You bet it’s hard for him to see, but you must admit it looks nice, and you almost tell him, before you catch yourself and break away from the sentiment. 

The male snickers. “I know, I was just joking,” he says, “I did bring you food, though.”

“Why?” you ask, confused when he bends over and picks up a plastic bag off the ground, a container of food inside, the warmth of the contents making condensation appear all over the red sack. 

“We made this by mistake and it was just gonna be thrown out if nobody took it,” he shrugs, “and I figured you haven’t eaten yet– or if you did, you just had those cold kimbap rolls from the store– and I wanted to get some warm food into your stomach.”

“Ah,” you gasp, nodding at the explanation. It does explain the source of the food really well, but truthfully, it explains nothing about the fact why Eric thought of bringing you the food instead of taking it home with himself– he’s a foodie if you’ve ever seen one. The idea of him worrying about if you were fed or not is equally as strange and interesting in your head– still, you clasp your hand around the bag and take it, the smell making you involuntarily hungry. “Thank you.”

Eric only nods at you, a smile beaming at his face. “Well,” he sighs, “I’d love to stay longer and hang out, but I’m still on the clock, so…” he mumbles, taking a hesitant step backwards towards his bike, eyes never breaking contact with yours.

“Oh, right,” you nod, “that’s okay. Have a fun day at work!” you muse, watching him as he grins and finally retrieves back his bike, opening up the gate to your property and escaping, waving at you as he gets on.

“I’ll see you soon!” he calls as he rides off, your eyes following him until his figure disappears behind a corner, your ears buzzing with excitement and your lower lip trapped between your teeth with the innocent promise.

Walking back into the house, you grin as you close the front door behind you and carry the food into the kitchen. You quickly get the containers out of the damp bag, putting them onto the wooden table, and gasp when you find a sticky note on the very top one, a messy handwriting scribbled in a rush, but stuck to the food with care.

Eat well and don’t skip meals, Y/N-ie!! – Eric x

Not being able to battle your smile anymore, you decide to open up the containers and stuff your mouth with the food instead– only to find your favorite dish inside, staring back at you in what seems to be a dream that’s too good to wake up from. 

And sure, you are delusional, but are you delusional enough to believe that this wasn’t all a coincidence? You’re not so sure.

Still, you eat the food with feet kicking back and forth as you sit in the silent kitchen, the empty house no longer feeling so lonely. When you’re done, you throw the trash out– everything but the sticky note, which you glue into your diary a few minutes later, hoping to keep the memory forever.

NOVEMBER OF 1999

The world around you is dark as you step outside of cram school, your eyes are tired and your skin is prickled with goosebumps in the chilly air. You despise going to cram school, but your mother told you you have to– since you didn’t have any athletic features that could get you far in life like Sunwoo, you had to be good at studying, or else you won’t get into university. There was a lot of work ahead of you, but since you didn’t really have anything else to do in the day, you didn’t protest and went anyway.

The days are usually very long and you get off very late, resulting in you being tired almost all the time. When you get home, you undress yourself and change into your sleep clothes and doze off until the morning, when you have to wake up and go to school again– it’s an exhausting cycle, but you know you have to endure it for your own sake.

Walking down the steps that lead out the cram school building, you stretch your body and huff, cursing at yourself for the fact that you didn’t bring a jacket– you forgot that evenings get really chilly, and frankly speaking, you didn’t have much time to think when you were rushing to get ready in the morning. You’ll just have to get through it, you think to yourself as you walk in the direction of your house– the last bus to your neighborhood already left an hour ago, when you were in the middle of revising division– your sneakers kicking the stray rocks below your feet as you tug the sleeves of your hoodie lower, desperately trying to feel more heat.

“Do you never watch where you’re going? That’s gonna get you in trouble one day, you know,” you hear a familiar voice say, the joking tone making your heart skip a few beats as you place the owner of the saccharine voice to its face. Looking up, slightly alarmed at being caught in such a distressed state, you gasp.

“I was… watching my step, I guess,” you shrug as you come into a halt in front of him, shivering both under Eric’s gaze and the cold weather at once. “What are you doing here? Deliveries?”

“I just got off,” he says, “so I figured I could stop by. Sunwoo said you’re going to cram school, I thought you might enjoy some company on your way home.”

Gaping at his explanation, you nod, completely startled. The idea of your brother talking about you in front of Eric, the boy you have a very embarrassing, very big crush on scares you, to say the least. See, it doesn’t really matter that the boy grew up with you, pretty much seeing you at your lowest whenever he was around over at your house when you were both just little kids– the image of Sunwoo telling Eric about finding you sobbing at your comic book (the scene got too sad, nobody can really blame you) or about how your favorite jeans ripped right before you had to go to school one morning is terrifying. You don’t really want him to know about these things. He may act like your brother sometimes, but you never really saw him in that light in the first place.

“Well, then,” you clear your throat, “it’s… it’s good to see you,” you say. Eric shows you his boyish grin as your lips utter out the words, and you can’t help but mirror it, your eyes locking with the male. As if you just took a step back, your eyes see him in a light you’ve never seen him before– as if this was your first time meeting your brother’s best friend– and something about the sentiment has your stomach feeling all uneasy, heat rushing to your face. His hair is styled in a way that tells you that he didn’t really style it (or if he did, it looked truly effortless in your eyes, so props to him), pushed back a little and revealing his forehead, a few of the strands carelessly falling into his eyes. His jawline is sharper than how it was when you first met the boy, and with the realization of a foolish teenage girl, you have to admit that Eric Sohn grew up to be a very attractive, attentive man.

“You’re cold?” he says, although the sentence sounds more like a statement rather than a question, before he shakes his head at your antics and heaves out a sigh. “You should’ve taken a jacket with you when you went, you know it gets cold in the evening,” he scolds you. In those times, he reminds you the most of your brother– because although you and Sunwoo act like you hate each other sometimes, you know the older male still cares about you. He just hates showing it, which translates in his scolding tone whenever you do something wrong or against his wishes. 

In those times, Eric reminds you the most of the way your brother treats you, and you somehow hate it. You despise the fact, because that means he must only see you as someone like his younger sister– he never had one, so maybe he just likes to compensate for it by taking care of you all the time. Maybe he feels responsible to do so because of Sunwoo. The thought makes you equally as nauseous– you’d never want him to hang out with you just because he feels like he has to. 

“I didn’t have time in the morning,” you grunt, rolling your eyes at him. You avert your gaze from the male, for it makes you slightly uncomfortable after your previous thoughts, so when the noise of a zipper being pulled down and the weight of fabric on your shoulders brings you back to reality, you snap your head around at him all alarmed. 

“What? Wear it,” he says, head shrugging towards the direction of his jacket on your figure. “You’re gonna catch a cold if you don’t.”

Trying to wrestle out of the red material, you squirm in the hold of the windbreaker– Eric’s hands gripping each side of the jacket, as if predicting your next moves, making sure it stays on you and doesn’t fall down. His strong arms tug you closer to him to make your fight more difficult– and he’s successful with his efforts, because the proximity of him and his smell engulfs you and unarms you, heat rushing to your cheeks as you halt in your movements.

“Stop,” you mourn, “I don’t need it.”

“Yes you do,” he insists, “so stop being a baby about it and wear it.”

Staring into his eyes, as if to mentally tell him to stop what he’s doing– to stop how he’s treating you, how he’s making you all weak in your knees and sleepless at nights because of how much you think of him and hope he’s doing well each day, to stop being so gentle with you and taking care of you, because it brings all sorts of both doubts and delusions into your head– but he doesn’t back down. You’ve known him for quite some time, you should already be aware of just how stubborn he can be.

“Arms in,” he hums, holding on to the jacket and waiting for you to wear it properly. One thing about you– you can always admit your defeat. So, with a sigh, you put your arms through the sleeves of Eric’s red windbreaker, shrinking a little under his firm gaze. He looks at you with a look full of something you can’t decipher, and it’s all making you so, so insanely lost in the many thoughts and feelings swirling around your head, not helping your current state.

“I already have a brother, y’know,” you mumble in a moment of weakness, looking at your feet– your dirty white sneakers almost touching his from how close you are standing right now, “so you should stop treating me like one.”

A moment of silence overtakes you two, and you suddenly feel like you’ve done something wrong. Still, Eric’s hands are holding on to the sides of the opened jacket, keeping you close to him. “Hm?” 

Clearing your throat and shaking your head, you snicker to yourself. “Forget it.”

“No- I mean,” he blurts out, tone of voice a little nervous, “do you see me as your brother figure?” he asks, tone of voice more quiet now, more gentle.

Breathing in the crispy air, taking a moment before you reply, you shake your head in disapproval. “No,” you say, “no, I don’t. I- I don’t think I do,” you say, scared of what your answer will bring out of him. You don’t really know why, but at this moment, you feel insanely fragile– as if any bad move could make you break in his hands, waiting for him to glue you back together. 

Metaphorically, he does just that. “Good,” he nods, leaning down towards you, hands gripping the zipper of his jacket and zipping it together, making sure no cold can get to your bones as his fingers tug it up towards the very top, under your chin. “Because I’ve never seen you as my sister either.”

His answer once again startles you– but when you take a step back from the situation, you think it was in a good way. His hands grip your shoulders for a second as his eyes meet yours and he offers you a warm smile. “Come on, let’s get you home,” he says, tugging you towards the fence where you find his bike, his motions guiding you like a rag doll sucked out of all life.

“Hop in,” he motions towards the back of the bike, where the basket would usually be– Eric moved it towards the front, though, leaving enough room for you to sit at– and as you do, he takes a seat in front of you and looks back at you over his shoulder. “Hold on tight so you don’t fall.”

Like in a trance, your arms sneak around his middle– this was the first time you had this kind of physical touch with him, and just the thought of it makes you want to scream your throat out– before the male takes off on the bike, riding towards your neighborhood. With the cold wind slapping your face, you foolishly rest your cheek on his shoulder blade and close your eyes, enjoying the closeness of his body keeping you warm. 

If anyone asked you about the action, you’d tell them you were just tired.

DECEMBER OF 1999

Socked feet make their way through the room, the sound of footsteps resonating on the laminated floor, as the short male comes up to you with a bowl of potato chips in his right hand and a bottle of soda under his left arm. Eric Sohn sighs at you, shaking his head in disbelief, before he places the items onto the coffee table and takes a seat next to you on the floor, opening up the bottle and pouring the three of you drinks.

“Can’t believe I’m spending New Year’s Eve with you losers, of all people,” Eric snickers, having you roll your eyes at the male and grumpily furrow your eyebrows at his sentence.

“No one’s stopping you if you wanna go, y’know,” you grunt as you take the filled glass off the table, taking a sip of the sweet drink and sighing at him. If he’s gonna take a leap into the new year with you while making you annoyed, he may as well leave now and do whatever his initial plan was– once again, no one’s stopping him if that’s what he wants to do.

“I’m just saying,” he shrugs, “it would’ve been so much more fun if we all went to Juyeon hyung’s. Everyone’s there celebrating, but we’re stuck here in your room.” 

“Well, Eric,” your brother smiles ironically at him, shrugging to himself, “it’s not like it’s my fault you’re not over at Juyeon hyung’s right now. You chose to spend the new years here with me. My mother prohibited me from going there, not yours.”

The argument has the male shrug, his eyes averting your brother’s gaze once his comment gets a bit too honest and realistic. It’s true and he’s right– it’s not like Eric’s mum told him he can’t go celebrate with his friends, because she didn’t. Eric’s mum trusts him and wants him to have fun and do what all the kids his age are doing. Your mum, on the other hand, is making you and Sunwoo stay home for New Year’s Eve to celebrate with your family, because, as she quoted, New Year’s Eve the only time she gets time off work, and she wants to spend it with her kids– forget the fact that you’re currently sitting locked in your room with your friend, protesting the family time just because you can– and when Sunwoo told her she has to stop treating him like a little kid, she told him she has all the right to do so, because he is her kid. And that’s how the party he was supposed to attend with Eric (the party you foolishly thought you’re gonna have to tag along to, not hating the sentiment as much as before now) got canceled from your brother’s plans.

“Well,” Eric chews on the inside of his cheek, “I did it for you two. Be grateful.”

“Whatever,” you hum, “let’s turn on the TV. I bet there’s some variety show on.”

Eric heaves out a sigh as he reaches for the TV remote, clicking the power button and making the boxy device in front of you light up. Your mum got you a TV in your room when you complained about being too bored one November day, and although the box of entertainment didn’t really help like you imagined it to, you’re glad it’s of service at least today. Instead of the expected variety show, though, there’s news on– the face of the old announcer looking at you with a serious look on his face, the professional tone making chills run down your spine, for he reminds you a bit of your mother when she scolds you. You think that’s a common news announcer trait. 

“As the year 2000 approaches, computer programmers realize that computers might not interpret the 00 in the software as 2000, but 1900. The softwares currently running only use a two-digit code for the year, excluding the 19. The data was excluded because the data storage is costly and takes up too much space. Activities that were planned on a daily basis could be damaged or flawed,” the announcer says, making the three of you look at the screen with interest. Maybe it’s true that when you get older, you get more interested in news– you think it’s good to know what’s going on around you, although the topic discussed right now might not even concern you in the slightest.

“Banks, which calculate the interest rates on a daily basis, could face real problems. Interest rates are the amount of money a lender, such as a bank, charges a customer, such as an individual or business, for a loan. Instead of the rate of interest for one day, the computer could calculate a rate of interest for minus almost 100 years!” 

“Oops,” Eric lets out next to you, a reaction so far away from what a real adult would think of the situation. See, you are all just kids, after all.

“Centers of technology, such as power plants, are also threatened by this issue. Power plants depend on routine computer maintenance for safety checks, such as water pressure or radiation levels. Not having the correct date could throw off these calculations and possibly put nearby residents at risk,” the announcer continues, the information coming out of his mouth suddenly making you hyper aware of the reality you’re experiencing right now.

“Do we have a nuclear power plant nearby?” you ask in a hushed whisper, watching as the men next to you almost comically widen their eyes, shrugging.

“I’m not sure,” Sunwoo peeps.

“The worst of all, this software and hardware issue could cause such a big problem in nuclear energy facilities, where nuclear bombs and missiles could be set off, causing the world to go into utter chaos, or worse, an end,” the announcer concludes, the last word making you gasp in terror. 

“An end?” you chirp, sitting up straight in your seat as you look at the two men, now equally as terrified. There’s something in Sunwoo’s gaze that makes chills run down your spine, the reality crushing down on you with heavy measures. 

“I knew I shouldn’t have fought with mum. What if the last words the two of us exchanged before we die are the harsh words I had said yesterday?” your brother mourns, seeing as his best friend chews on his bottom lip, lost in thought.

“What did you say to your mum?”

“That- that I’ll never forgive her for ruining this for me,” he mumbles, his voice breaking at the end, “and… other things,” he adds, the hint of incoming panic making his best friend frantically wave his hands around and try to make your brother relax before he has to deal with the breakdown. If the world is ending, this is not how any of you want to go.

“It’s okay, don’t worry,” Eric says, clearing his throat and pointing to the TV, “look! The show is on, we should watch before the year ends,” he proposes, taking the remote into his hand and turning the volume up to hopefully drown out Sunwoo’s thoughts and have him focus on something else. And it works– noting that your brother has an attention span of a 5 year old– he can hardly remember what he was worrying about just 30 seconds ago.

Still, the thought keeps bouncing around your head like a child in a bouncy castle. The words of the news anchor keep repeating in your brain, making your ears ring as you look at Eric from the corner of your eye, watching his angelic face. Oh how you hate disturbing the peace now that you’ve all calmed down– but still, you can’t deal with the worries alone. Checking the clock hung above the TV, noticing there’s at least 5 minutes left before midnight, you clear your throat, feeling your whole body on fire.

“Do you really think the world is gonna end?” you ask, cracking your knuckles in a nervous manner. Looking at Eric, pupils shaking, you find your brother’s best friend seemingly lost in thought. The music of the variety show program serves you three as a background sound now, none of you paying attention to the TV anymore, instead, focusing on all the things you've done wrong in your life and how somehow, this feels like karma for all of it.

“I dunno,” Sunwoo shrugs, “I mean- they said it’s possible! It was on the news, and they wouldn’t lie on the news…” he nervously mumbles, scratching the back of his head. 

“That’s what’s worrying me,” you sigh, “we shouldn’t have turned on the TV.”

“It was your idea in the first place!”

“And I’ll carry the burden into my grave,” you admit, gulping as you press a forced smile onto your lips.

Momentarily looking back at the TV, you desperately want to keep the thought of the world being over out of your head before you spend your last minutes on this earth going crazy– but now that you started, you can’t keep thinking about it. “Man, the world can’t end yet. There’s so many things I haven’t tried yet! I’m too young to die!”

The men don't reply to that– you presume they’re too busy trying to find other things to occupy themselves with instead of the inevitable– which has you dissatisfied as you throw your body back into the sofa, heaving out a sigh. Seconds go by painfully slow but also painfully fast at the same time, given the circumstances, as you listen to the cheerful song playing in the background and nudge your friend into his upper arm with your pointer finger, feeling his arm encircle your shoulders and pull you closer to him. The contact of his fingers on your upper arm makes you squirm and break out into a smile, feeling a particular lightness in your stomach at the action, a sensation that has you in shock. 

“I’m gonna talk with mum before we die,” Sunwoo suddenly calls as he stands up from his seat on the floor, sighing to himself, “I can’t go with the thought of her being upset with me,” he sentimentally adds before he’s out of the door, rushing towards the living room.

The space falls into momentary silence now that your brother is gone, having you chew on your bottom lip with nerves. You think now is the time to beg for forgiveness with the higher forces– I'm sorry for not studying well. I'm sorry for being rude and ungrateful towards my mum. I'm sorry for being greedy– when the sound of Eric’s voice resonates through the place as he speaks up again, waking you up from the anxious slumber, the clock now striking 2 minutes before midnight. “What would you wanna do before you die?” he asks.

The question is simple. You presume he wants simple answers– things like getting into college, getting a good job and making a lot of money, growing old– but as you lean away from him and get back to your place on his left, your eyes locked with his, you’re left clueless. There are so many things you have yet to achieve, and the idea of not being able to pushes a burden to your chest, but at this very moment, you can’t really name one. 

Shrugging, you chew on the inside of your cheek as your eyes scan his face. His firm eye contact has you a bit flustered, making you shrivel in your seat, and as the sound of the TV morphs from the song into a countdown from 55, you’re overwhelmed with the thought that your friend is insanely pretty– and he always has been, you just hated admitting it to yourself for the past few months, despite still being fully aware– and that now, when the world ends, you’re dying unkissed and alone.

Well, not completely alone, since Eric’s here. And he’s always been here– your whole life, since you can remember, and he’s here now as well, even though he should’ve been at Juyeon’s house. As the clock strikes 30 seconds away from midnight, your eyes involuntarily travel down to his chapped lips, all air knocked out of your lungs, the thoughts in your brain picking up on speed the closer you come to the end.

You’re dying soon. You’re dying in 30- now 29 seconds, and you’ve never kissed anyone before. You’re dying before you get a chance to hold hands with someone and have a partner, and you’re dying before you get a chance to tell Eric how you feel about him. There’s 28 seconds left until the end and you’re just staring at him like a coward, because you don’t really let yourself indulge in the silly warmth of your heart whenever you’re around your friend, but god, you can at least admit it to yourself before you die.

And as the clock gets closer and closer to midnight, now only giving you 20 seconds before it all ends and a missile lands on the top of your house, blowing up the whole town and making you all disappear, Eric’s question repeats itself in your brain. What would you want to do before you die?

The answer is suddenly painfully clear as you take action– leaning towards the boy on your right, face closer to his than it’s ever been before, your eyes counting all his eyelashes and focusing on his surprised, yet unmoving face– and as you hear the countdown reach 15, you close your eyes and press your lips against his. 

The contact makes you weak in your knees as your hands reach to his face to steady him, your own firework show erupting in your stomach, and suddenly you’re completely content with dying tonight– because at least you’re with Eric, at least you did something. You kiss your friend with something close to an unsaid confession, your lips staying on his throughout the rest of the countdown, the taste of soda you’ve both been drinking the whole evening mixing in the contact of your skin. You’re not sure you’re even doing this right– again, you’ve never kissed anyone before– but it doesn’t matter to you much as you let go of your worries, aware of the fact that in a few seconds, nothing will matter anymore when neither of you are going to be around to say anything to each other after the kiss is over.

The countdown rings in your ears– coming down from 5 as you scoot yourself closer to Eric, 4 as you run the pads of your thumbs along his cheekbones, 3 as you still in your movements, 2 as you notice your knees bumping into each other on the ground and finally, 1 as you get ready to die, kissing your first and only love– when the sound of cheers and fireworks from the TV fills your ears instead, the world around you stilling and completely unchanged.

Your kiss started in 1999 and ended in 2000. Your love for him passed a century.

Eyes fluttering open and your mouth letting go of his, the image of the boy with his lips slightly parted, eyes closed and cheeks rosy comes to you in the yellow light of your room, making your heart fall down to your stomach. He looks absolutely angelic, his hair slightly messy and the fabric of his shirt a little disheveled in the front, and even though you’d love to indulge in your foolish desires and kiss him some more, you’re quickly taken aback with the noise of the door to your room opening and making you jump away from Eric, your brother appearing out of thin air in the presence of your room. It serves you like a weird kind of reality check, Eric’s eyes opening and looking at your brother, and even though you two haven’t been caught, the male clears his throat and bites down on his lower lip, looking almost guilty.

Oh no. What have you done?

Suddenly, you feel insanely silly.

JANUARY OF 2000

“You’ve been awfully quiet the whole day,” Sunwoo mumbles from beside you, his whole body engulfed in a pile of snow, “not that I care, but are you okay?”

“I thought you liked it when I don’t talk,” you mutter, playing with the frozen white all around you, seated on the red plastic sled at the top of the hill. You got tired after dragging it up from the bottom, and when you noticed that the rest of Sunwoo’s friends– Eric included– are still on their way up, you figured you could use up the time to relax and sit around for a while. It’s been quite some time since all of Sunwoo’s friends gathered to hang out at the same time, which made you surprised to see that your own brother invited you to tag along with them as they decided to go sledding on the second day of January, using up their break to best of their abilities. Which is also why you didn’t say no to the invitation– you thought sitting at home and moping around wouldn’t help you much.

“I do,” he says, nodding, “that’s why I’m asking what’s up– so I know what to do when I need to shut you up later,” Sunwoo hums, making you roll your eyes at the masked worry.

Shaking your head in disbelief, you scoff. “It’s nothing.”

“Sure,” he shrugs, “so you’re just going through puberty?” he teases, to which you take a handful of snow into your palm and lunge the white at him, satisfaction running through your veins when the snowball lands into his unsuspecting face, the male coughing and swatting his arms around to defend himself.

“Hey!” your brother screams at you once he gets the ice out of his eyes and his mouth, his body jumping into a standing position before he chases you around, the bubble of a laugh escaping your throat for the first time these days– they’re not wrong when they say malicious joy is the best kind of joy.

Running at the top of the hill, not really looking where you’re going– instead looking over your shoulder to see Sunwoo’s actions, preparing yourself to duck if he decides to turn your small quarrel into a snow fight– your legs get tangled with the red sled you left before you started a war with the angered man, a yelp cutting out of your throat as you get prepared to fall over and knock your teeth out.

Your body comes in contact with something half-firm, half-soft, and as your feet slip and the snow-covered ground disappears from below your legs, two arms wrap around your waist and steady you, making sure you don’t get hurt.

Turns out Eric Sohn is there to catch you every time you are about to eat shit. You hate this kind of deja vu.

As you open your eyes (that you had closed on instinct, not wanting to see your own death) once you’re sure you’re safe and sound, the world around you invites itself into your ears in an overwhelming noise. The laughter of Sunwoo’s friends– some hollering at your fall, some at the redness and last remains of snow covering your brother’s face– and the hushed arguments over who’s going down first– with Haknyeon screaming that he’s stealing Sunwoo’s (yours) sled and Juyeon following him. After all those happening in the matter of a few seconds,  you realize you’re left on the top of the hill alone with the male, terror shaking through your insides.

Clearing your throat and taking a step back from him, you tuck your hands into your pockets and avert your gaze from Eric. You two haven’t spoken since you decided to kiss him on New Year’s Eve, and with the awkward tension in the air, you don’t feel like doing so ever again in your whole entire life. 

“Thanks,” still, you hum.

Eric seems a little more light-hearted than you, shrugging as he replies to you. “Haven’t I told you to start watching where you’re going?”

“I’m not good with listening sometimes,” you mutter, huffing. Taking a look around yourself– noticing that there are no sleds left on the top of the hill, therefore, if you wanted to escape the situation, the only way down would be to roll around like a human version of a snowman, you once again admit your defeat, standing around nervously and shifting your weight from one foot to the other.

The silence is uncomfortable. It makes you want to dig a hole in the snow and bury yourself alive, to suffocate under the weight of the icy cold and never see Eric’s face again. You know that you ruined whatever friendship you had with the male– by being stupid and foolish, not really thinking about consequences (because there were supposed to be none and you were supposed to be dead), and the weight of the guilt makes you want to puke and hide away. 

Still, Eric comes out of his way to talk to you. Honestly, you’re kind of surprised– he should be disgusted with you. Realistically, he should be the one avoiding you, not the other way around.“They’re gonna take long to walk back up,” he notes, “wanna get hot chocolate with me?”

“I’m good, thanks,” you shake your head, not once breaking eye contact with the overwhelming white of the hill.

“Come on,” he sighs, “it’s just around the corner. They built a hot chocolate stand because they knew kids would come sledding here. Honestly, it’s an astute business tactic, but I promise the hot chocolate actually tastes nice,” he says, nudging you slightly with his arm, as if to make you look at him and change your mind.

“Thanks, but no,” you definitely say, chewing on the inside of your cheek.

“Are you avoiding me?” he asks, tone of voice casual– as if it was the most normal thing in the world, as if nothing ever happened and he was genuinely curious about the reasoning behind your actions.

“I’m not, I just don’t really like hot chocolate,” you sheepishly mutter, trying hard to avoid the topic.

“So you are avoiding me,” he hums, as if it wasn’t obvious before– and not only because you’re a bad liar. Plus, you love hot chocolate. Somehow, you think Eric knows.

“Look, Eric,” you sigh, running your hand through your hair, “can’t you just drop it?”

“No,” he shrugs, shaking his head, “and that’s why we’re talking about the reason why you’re avoiding me over a cup of hot chocolate. Let’s go.”

His persistence is terribly overwhelming sometimes. You wonder how the male does it. “I already told you-”

“You owe me for the stickers and the meal and everything,” he corners you, and you know you can’t argue with that. He’s kind of right, you suppose– you never paid him back for all the chocolates or for the free meal he brought you that one evening. And that’s exactly why you find yourself sighing as you follow him, mentally preparing yourself for the talk.

You hate how he can always get his way. Walking up to the stand, you crack your knuckles in the pocket of your jacket, nervously coming up with possible arguments to tell him. I didn’t kiss you on purpose, it was an accident. I only did it to know how it feels. We are both supposed to be dead, it’s not my fault the world didn’t end like it was supposed to! Each sentence sounds more stupid than the previous one, and so with that, you shake your head, wiping the thoughts away, smiling at the elderly lady in the stand. You’re just gonna have to be honest, you figure. 

“Two hot chocolates, please.”

Rummaging through your pockets to find your wallet– you do owe Eric, so it’s only natural for you to pay– you’re caught off guard as the male next to you swiftly takes out his own and unzips it, preparing to pay for you. 

“I thought I owed you?” you mumble, hand reaching to tug at his forearm to stop him, to which Eric only grins at you and sighs.

“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean you have to pay,” he says.

“I think that’s exactly what that means.”

“Just take it,” he huffs as he brings out a note from his wallet, the force making something else fly out and fall to the ground with it, having the boy swiftly crouch down and pick the item up, attempting to hide it before you get a chance to see. And now, you don’t have 20/20 vision, but you recognise your face when you see it– that, and you also recognize the small white sheet to be a polaroid picture, and as far as you’re aware, you’re the only one who has a camera in his circle.

The boy hands you the drink with red-tinted cheeks. The idea of him carrying a picture of you that he took back in September makes you flush as well, and when your gloved fingers accidentally meet as you take the cup from him, he forces out a laugh. “We can talk about that after you tell me why you’re avoiding me.”

His nonchalance has you relaxing only for a few seconds. The boy walks with you as you try to heat up your cold hands on the boiling surface of the cup, and when you see a bench a few meters away from you two, you instinctively take a seat.

“So?” he becomes you, eyebrows rising as he takes a sip from the melted sweetness.

Sighing, you try to come up with the best way to go around this. Do you apologize? Do you promise to never do it again– and you won’t, even though you want to so badly and his lips look surprisingly soft today? Furrowing your brows at the war in your head, you place the cup on the bench next to you and put your head into your hands, hiding away from him when you realize the only way to do this is to be completely, utterly honest.

“I’m just so embarrassed, Eric.”

The only noise meeting your eardrums in the moment is the faint yelling of the crowd sledding in the background, your companion remaining quiet for a bit. When he sees you won’t explain yourself, he goes ahead and asks the question. “Why?”

“Do I really have to spell it out for you?” you sigh, not believing his so casual composure.

“Maybe,” he laughs, the airy sound taking all breath away from your lungs.

Well, not all of it, since you have enough oxygen to go on a tangent, it seems. “Because I kissed you, goddamnit. And- and I don’t even know why I did it, honestly, I’ve never thought of kissing you before! It’s just- when I heard the world is ending, I realized I hadn’t had my first kiss yet, and that just felt like such a miserable way to die, and then you asked what I wanted to do before I die and I couldn’t think of anything else,” you say, progressively taking out your head from your hands and facing the male, big eyes staring into his soul. 

To your surprise, he doesn’t seem mad. Or disgusted. Or any of the reactions you expected, really. Eric stares at you with a soft, but amidst a little star-struck look in his eyes, and you’re suddenly painfully aware of every slight shift in his composure.

“Did you kiss me because you wanted to kiss me, or because you thought the world was gonna end?” he asks, awaiting your answer.

And if you’re being honest, 2 days after New Year’s Eve, you do admit the thought of the world actually ending sounds a bit stupid. Why did you even believe that theory? Why did they talk about it so seriously on the news? They tricked you into ruining your own life. 

But still, nothing can be done about it now. “Both,” you admit, shrugging, “I… I kissed you because I really didn’t want to die unkissed, but also… I wanted it to be you, y’know? Like… I thought we were really going to die, and so I thought kissing you might be a nice way to go. I really wanted to spend my last moments with you, I guess,” you sheepishly say, averting your gaze from the male.

Eric offers you his silence again after you’re done explaining. While you do admit you feel a little tense to hear what he has to say, you also realize you feel lighter now that it’s out in the universe and out of your system. A major weight was taken off your shoulders with the confession, and suddenly, you’re kind of glad that your friend was so assertive and insistent on talking about this– who knows how long you’d go before managing to face him. You think you could honestly go on… forever.

Taking a sip of the luscious liquid, you feel your body warm up once the anxiousness slips away from your bones. The boy next to you hums, making you face him with expecting eyes. “Then why were you avoiding me?”

Sighing, you shake your head. “I just told you. I’m starting to think you’re the one that’s bad at listening.”

“No,” he laughs, “that’s still you. Because if you were good at listening, you’d remember me telling you that I’ve never once seen you as my younger sister.”

Shrugging, kicking the pile of snow in front of you with the tip of your winter boots, you’re not quite following. “So?”

“So you should’ve realized that I’m not doing all of this,” he theatrically swings his arms around, “for nothing, you know?”

“All of what?”

“Taking care of you. Feeding you, helping you collect those stupid animal stickers, walking you home…” he mumbles, sighing. “Keeping your picture in my wallet,” he adds with a playful tone, making you smile.

“I thought you were just being a good friend,” you shrug.

“I don’t keep a picture of your brother on me at all times,” he says, tugging off his gloves. The sleeve of his jacket rides up a little as you watch him take his cup of hot chocolate off the bench, surprised (and flooded with warmth) to see the ugly friendship bracelet you made still adorning his wrist.

Grinning to yourself, excitement welcoming itself into the tips of your fingertips, you shrug. “So?” you mirror your own question from a little while ago, wanting him to say it to you instead of relying on your own brain– you think there’s still a possibility of you just being too delusional to see the reality for what it really is. You need to make sure you’re not imagining things.

“So,” he starts, sighing to himself as he turns a little in his seat to face you, “you should stop avoiding me, because I liked the kiss. And you. And we should probably do it again, because I didn’t get the chance to kiss you back the first time,” he says, once again taking all oxygen out of your lungs with the casualty of his preposition.

Locking his eyes with you, having you two staring at each other like two rays of sunshine warming up the cold January, he grins. “How does that sound?”

“Good,” you breathe out, “very good.”

The male takes it as an invitation as he scoots himself closer to you on the bench, his body turning a bit to face you. His free hand cups your cheek, leaning closer to lock his lips with you like he asked you to, your eyes fluttering close at the proximity, the fuzzy feeling in your stomach already expecting to kiss him again. The situation feels a little too idyllic to be real, though– you should’ve expected it to get ruined again.

Something cold and wet comes into contact with the side of your face, and when you sharply open your eyes, you see Eric staring at you with shock and terror in his eyes, the snow dripping down the side of his face as well. Whoever threw the snowball has good aim, you think– managing to target two people at once (even though your faces were that close to each other that it probably wasn’t even that hard), and before you get a chance to look around and see who cut off your kiss, there’s a scream coming from the left side of the two of you, the sound of feet quickly darting in the snow landing into your ears.

“Eric Sohn, what the fuck do you think you’re doing with my sister?” the voice hollers, and before you get a chance to react, the said male fastly stands up from the bench and runs to the other direction, laughter resonating all throughout the place as Sunwoo and his friends chase their shortest friend down.

Snow starts falling as you watch your brother tail his childhood friend, and with a foreign sense of warmth, you get reminded of the birthday wish you made while blowing out the candles on your seventh birthday.

You wished for someone just like Eric. You didn’t know the universe would be so kind to give you him instead.

[this-acuteneurosis]

Im also strong camp of "no dont make Ahsoka Anakin's padawan" and i watched the cartoon and loved it. You (and everyone else that does this) makes me so happy to fix this little thing. They can still have their older cranky-protective brother and younger bratty-trusting sister dynamic.

I've got pretty mixed feelings on the subject. I'm not sold that separating them is inherently a "fix it" idea. I don't like that Yoda decided babysitting on a war front was the best way to handle Anakin, but it's always bothered me more from a sloppy writing perspective. I don't think it's wise that either Obi-Wan or Anakin got thrown into having padawans when they were so young and immersed in trauma, but there are really interesting stories that you could tell-- I prefer ones focused on growth and healing--addressing the inherent problems Obi-Wan and Anakin would have faced.

(Oh no, I feel a rant coming on...)

So, like, pros and cons. Obi-Wan and Anakin get padawans young, at a time when they've been only recently separated from their own teacher. On the one hand, people go through natural grieving processes when things change (plus Qui-Gon's death...). On the other hand, having a new person in their life, bound to them, could create a sense of stability. On the one hand, teaching (especially teaching the kinds of things Jedi masters are responsible for teaching their padawans) is a huge responsibility and requires a lot of skill and experience because people learn differently. On the other hand, you have to start learning how to teach sometime, and being put in a position to teach someone else is frequently a Really Good way to make sure you understand something, and even to learn more about it. On the one hand, both Obi-Wan and Anakin have self-confidence/esteem issues (manifesting differently) and that's a heavy burden to carry into any relationship. On the other hand, being allowed to teach is a sign of trust and could build their confidence (especially since Anakin and Ahsoka are so genuine and their praise, and others praising their skills would ring true).

There are a lot of reasons to leave both sets of students and teachers together because "messy" or "risky" isn't the same thing as "bad" in a story.

But like...the PT and Clone Wars were never going to have a happy ending. This was never going to be that story. Obi-Wan was never going to "succeed" as Anakin's teacher any more than Anakin was going to "succeed" as Ahsoka's.

And that doesn't mean there wasn't a story worth telling about Anakin's downfall and how it impacted the people around him. But the reasons I didn't finish The Clone Wars cartoon mostly boil down to me not personally buying into the story they were telling. In spite of the great bits of snappy dialogue, in spite of the strength of some of the plot arcs, I was just...very underwhelmed by some of the choices. And angered by others.

When I think about "fixing" Anakin and Ahsoka's story, I think about fixing the justification of him taking on a padawan. I think, "Let him choose her," because it makes perfect sense that Anakin would see some talented kid at the temple, wanting to fight for the Republic and would think, "Yeah, sure, I'll let her come with me, this is a great idea." This is a great device to drive a wedge between him and the Council/Order (you let Obi-Wan take me on newly knighted, and Ahsoka is older than I was!). This is a great way to get Anakin's kindness and empathy to set himself up for more stress. You could even have Palaptine suggesing Anakin deserves a padawan. It's even a good way to drive a wedge between Anakin and Padmé as she is concerned for Ahsoka's well being and worried that taking a student is Too Much for Anakin just now.

I think about the impact of that choice later, when Ahsoka chooses to leave, to do what Anakin can't, and ends up leaving Anakin. How it adds just a bit more punch to the moment. How it digs a deeper wound (one that Palpatine worsens, as he's way more involved in sabotaging that relationship, like he did with Obi-Wan) and sets up Anakin a little better for believing Obi-Wan or Padmé could betray/abandon him. (But the Chancellor believed in him...)

And when I think about running a "fix-it" that more directly addresses the Order, I think about addressing the insanity that is not having teacher pairs for a new knight and their first padawan.

I think about (how if you're sticking to canon) you show Palpatine manipulating Obi-Wan as much as Anakin to keep both of them isolated and letting Obi-Wan get used to Palpatine in Anakin's life. How Palpatine mentors Obi-Wan, helps him become the famous Negotiator so he can play both sides of the relationship (he's running two sides of a war, this is so within Palpatine's abilities).

Or how (if you want to say screw canon, we're saving these people) more people could be involved when Anakin comes to the Temple. How Obi-Wan's friends could band together to make sure Obi-Wan is okay after his master's death, and how they take Anakin in as a little brother. How No One took Qui-Gon seriously about Anakin being The Chosen One, but a bunch of Council members did look at this kid and went, he's, uh, crazy powerful. Maybe we give Obi-Wan actual backup? Maybe in a Temple that has to have people trained in treating trauma and abuse victims, that probably has complete medical control of its members, we see more mandated therapy.

Maybe the Jedi can't stop padawans from being on the front lines once the war starts, but there is an ongoing fight between the Council and Chancellor as he acquires more emergency powers, because the Order is keeping Anakin away from the major fighting with Ahsoka and Palpatine needs that boy wrecked beyond recognition.

I know that canon, being written backwards, has tried to hand wave some of these ideas into "resolution," but I think they ultimately do the story a disservice. I'm not 100% sold on how RotS portrayed the last lingering breaths of Anakin's Fall, but I think, after several recent rewatches, TPM and AotC were actually a pretty good setup to naturally walk Anakin from feeling safe to betraying people he loved. I'd cut him killing all the tuskens, and have Padmé play more hot and cold with him instead of marrying him. But losing his mother? How that played into the tension in his relationship with Obi-Wan? Walking into movie three and not really showing that Anakin was close to anyone in the Order except Obi-Wan? That worked for the limited time span the movies were restricted to, I think.

Dear mercy, where have we ended up...

Anyway, Ahsoka is great, and I think you could write some really good stories with her as Anakin's padawan. But that was not what DLB wanted, and so here we are.

[amyreadsandstresses]

The Parental Unit

Over the years, the fandom has created several theories as to what kind of people could have possibly raised men like Sherlock and Mycroft. And, throughout the first two seasons of the show, imaginations were let to run wild.

I have seen several of these theories; from abusive and neglectful parents, to mentally ill and/or actively addicted, or the premature -and often traumatic- death of at least one parent (sometimes a third family member, like a sibling). The focus is often given to “Mummy Holmes”, whom the Holmes Brothers refer to on more than one occasion throughout the show, unlike their father, who remains unmentioned.

Now, the mentions of Mummy are rather revealing, I think. The first time she is mentioned is in A Study in Pink, for only a brief bit of dialogue (as is often the case for whatever insight we get into the backgrounds of all the characters in the show), and is -as often- one of the many “tools” Mycroft dangles in Sherlock’s face. I always thought that bit of dialogue was an attempt to “keep Sherlock in check”, so to speak. And Sherlock’s response, I always thought, is rather interesting.

Mycroft mentions how Sherlock’s rather brusque behaviour has always upset Mummy, and Sherlock retaliates insinuating it is Mycroft who often gets on her bad side. It is also during that one conversation that we know Mummy is still alive. But we hear nothing of Mr. Holmes.

Later, in A Scandal in Belgravia, Mycroft uses Mummy against Sherlock once again. It appears a simple enough jape, an “I’ll be Mummy” while Sherlock is the petulant toddler. But, again, Sherlock reveals something that, to me, has always been charged with meaning. A quick and humorous “and that’s a whole childhood in a nutshell.”

There’s nothing on Mr. Holmes yet again, by the way.

We don’t hear of the parental unit again until series three, and before we go into that mess, I do want to explore a bit more of what we previously knew. After all, those little mentions and the dynamic between the brothers could be seen to imply that their mother is something of a sore point and easy to level against Sherlock, while Mycroft seems to have a particular tension when it comes to her. Also, the relationship between Mycroft and Sherlock appears strained from episode one, even if we grow to know them better and recognize that there truly is a lot of love there. However, Mycroft always treats (and frankly sees) Sherlock as a child he is completely responsible for, parental unit or not; meanwhile, Sherlock (let’s face it) acts like a toddler with poor manners every time his older brother is near. Some could argue that is simply a common behaviour between siblings. But I don’t think so.

As an older sister myself, I know I have never been the person who teaches my younger sibling the most primordial of her life philosophy (caring isn’t an advantage), nor am I the one who struggles for her to get dressed or behave “properly” wherever I take her. That, I think, is often more the behaviour a parent has towards their child. And that little jape about Mycroft being Mummy only seems to establish that further in my mind.

In fact, before series 3, I always thought that Mycroft had been Sherlock’s primary caregiver, and that while Mrs. Holmes was very clearly alive, she wasn’t as involved in parenting her children, even if she loved them; which is where the strain she has with Mycroft comes from. And perhaps even some of Sherlock’s outrage, especially if he is truly close to Mummy (something I never got from the older Holmes brother).

And then… the last two parts of the show… alright, let’s go.

I am amongst the dying species of individuals that don’t hate the last two series (particularly series 4), but it is very true that the genre of the show changed drastically during 3 & 4, as did the character dynamics. And amongst those is the dynamic of the Holmes Clan, specifically the role of the Parental Unit in the story. Or, more accurately, the fact that they now have one.

And I don’t like it. Here’s why.

During series 1 & 2 the Parental Unit became something of a mystery, a very clear part of what had made both Sherlock and Mycroft who they were, but without any details, all of which allowed our many theories and delightful fanfics. But, in The Empty Hearse, we see both Mummy and MR. HOLMES alive and well, and painfully common. This could have been an interesting take if we had seen the effects that two common parents would have on two very uncommon children, and then come to the conclusion that that is behind Mycroft’s extra care for Sherlock. But we don’t. We get a clever and witty mother, who is also a bit brusque (believable enough) and a rather bland father who just sits there and smiles; and they both seemed rather unbothered about the fact that their youngest just spent two years on the run while he dismantled a criminal network, sure “they’re glad all that dreadful stuff is over” but nothing more. And Holmes Father doesn’t really do anything, again. I truly don’t know if Mr. Holmes was always supposed to be there or if he was just added in so that both of Benedict’s parents could cameo on the show; I’m leaning towards the latter.

And after they fuss a bit, and Sherlock panics because he obviously cares more about his tenuous relationship with John than he does Billy Elliot (or whatever musical it was), both parents walk away. EXCEPT, we do get a little something of Mummy Holmes clearly being the only person that can truly reign Sherlock in, if only a bit. And that’s really the only part of the scene that I find relevant (other than Ben’s parents, but that’s separate to the story itself). Because we see Sherlock being soft, and relatively vulnerable with someone other than John and Mrs. Hudson. We never see Mycroft do that with anyone other than with Sherlock. In the words of the Consulting Detective, how very telling.

We see them again during His Last Vow, while celebrating Christmas along with the Watsons, and it’s all rather… underwhelming. Mycroft sasses his mother and she sasses him back, Mr. Holmes is off doing something nice, and Sherlock is plotting to drug his whole family. Probably not for the first time. Other than that, the focus rapidly shifts to Magnussen and Mary, and a delightful pair of scenes between the Holmes brothers that still squish my heart. But something I do think is clearer, is that Mummy fusses over Sherlock while she lectures Mycroft about laptops. This could be interpreted as simply over protection of her youngest, especially after he was recently hospitalized. And I did interpret it like that the first time, but now I’m not so sure, though we need to reach series 4 to clarify why.

What I do want to note is that small moment where we confirm exactly how Mycroft views Sherlock: a little boy with tears running down his cheeks that he needs to protect above anything else. In other words, his responsibility. I think you probably know where I’m going with this.

Then, series 4. Specifically, The Final Problem. Not what I expected, and a bit reaching, but I can work with it. So, here we go.

Eurus Holmes, the Other One, and one hell of a criminal. Now, I don’t want to focus on Moriarty, or the experiment itself or anything. I do want to focus on her role in Sherlock’s life and, consequently, Mycrofts. Because now we know that the older Holmes sibling has lived his entire life in fear of what Eurus could do to Sherlock, be it from afar or from the depths of the younger’s memory. And we also know that he has been trained by Uncle Rudy to be The British Government and keep Eurus in line. Just like we know he was taught to lie to his parents (and everyone, really, about what had truly happened). Because let’s remember that Mycroft was a child himself during the Victor Trevor is Redbeard debacle.

I do have one question, though. Ehem, WHERE THE HELL WERE MR AND MRS HOLMES, EXACTLY?

Eurus experiments on little Sherlock, makes him “steal from Mummy”, scared the living hell out of him, “drowns Redbeard” and, and I quote “MAKES HIM SCREAM ALL NIGHT” and the parental unit did… what, exactly? Now, this is my problem with BBC’s depiction of the Holmes parents, because they seeked to give us the explanation as to why Sherlock was who he was, and why Mycroft worried constantly, but they didn’t want to do it through the parents and so… they made them useless instead of abusive.

“Alone protects me.”

No wonder that became Sherlock’s coping mechanism after being both manipulated and abused by his sister, watching his house burn down and learning his only friend had been murdered… because Eurus wanted his attention, and no-one saw what was happening. Except for Mycroft. Now, one could argue that Eurus was too smart and could have tricked everyone, after all, she was a criminal mastermind. Only she wasn’t like that at five, was she? Oh, I’m sure she was incredibly smart, but she was still a child, and if Mummy is truly as smart as they wanted us to think, I have some trouble believing she didn’t see that there was something wrong. Because teenage Mycroft sure did. And I assume Mr. Holmes was off being nice somewhere, as that is his only character trait.

But, their failure isn’t only in the Eurus debacle while it was happening, it is also after. Sherlock forgets everything, rewrites his memories, in order to survive; and no-one did anything? No-one thought that child needed help? Because we are not led to believe he got it. All we know is that he was allowed to curl into himself, become prickly and aggressive in order to protect himself, and we know he was often mistreated by his peers (read: The Blind Banker). And the only guidance a young boy who had just experienced severe trauma received came from his teenage older brother, who was at most 14 at the time. Caring isn’t an advantage indeed.

That’s where my interpretation of her fussing over Sherlock more than she does Mycroft comes into play, because I think Mummy Holmes established a pattern of behaviour that we got to look into during His Last Vow; Sherlock got hurt, and the parental unit’s inaction didn’t make anything better. So, what if they feel guilty, particularly Mummy? And so they are soft with Sherlock as a way to make up for it, while Mycroft actually parents the younger boy and has a bit of resentment towards Mrs. and Mr. Holmes for not stepping up, perhaps ever. After all, Sherlock has a list, and Mycroft has a file.

And, to top it all off, we have Mummy’s “then he is very limited”, which, I’m sorry, but she’s got some nerve. Wasn’t it Uncle Rudy that actually incarcerated Eurus and groomed Mycroft to take over? Wasn’t it her (and Mr. Holmes, I suppose) that failed to act in defense of either of their children? Wasn't it Mycroft that took care of Sherlock and lived everyday in fear that the truth would tear his little brother appart?

I am not saying that Mycroft Holmes is in any way perfect, not at all. But I do think that this rather jigsaw version of the Parental Unit is even less so. But I suppose that what I dislike the most is how they are presented. The very common, harmless and relatively sweet Mr. and Mrs. Holmes.

Now, I am not saying that the Holmes parents are bad people either, not at all. Taking in consideration what little we know of the Canon and what can be inferred when we connect the dots, I can believe that they were well intentioned and loved their children. But I cannot believe that they were in any way competent. And am convinced that, when it counted, Mycroft played Mummy.

[lolita-lollipop]

Can you do a yandere erasermic family where the reader tries to run away and fights them on everything thank you have a nice day

ERASERMIC FAMILY X FEM UNWILLING READER

You don’t want to be here, so you won’t be here, it’s that simple…or at least it’s supposed to be. From the moment you realized your situation, you constantly tried to get yourself the hell out of here by any means possible, jumping out windows, trying to shank them with a Disney princess spoon, annoying them ( or at least trying to), screaming at them, biting them, just everything. But no matter what you do, they refuse to let you go, they refuse to just give up,it’s so frustrating when you put so much energy into something, just for them to brush it off as it’s nothing.

It just makes you so, so, angry.

When they try to wake you up in the morning, you refuse and use a colorful selection of dialogue to tell them to go away, when they try to get you dressed, you kick , scratch and bite, when they feed you, you spit your food at them and refuse to cooperate, when they try to play with you, you remain completely silent and turn your back. You just defy them in any way possible, the two older ones lecture you for it constantly, telling you that “you aren’t being a good girl for them today” or that “you might have to do corner time if you keep acting up like this”. While by the younger ones, specifically eri, makes it very known that she didn’t like it at all. You didn’t care at all, what so ever.

(You have refused to harm the little girl though, as much as you hate the family, you just couldn’t bring yourself to do it, she was just so sweet and she treats you like a friend, so that’s kindof oen exception to this, you really couldn’t be mean to her)

They kidnapped you didn’t they? They were the ones who dragged you here, they’re the ones who treat you like your younger than a five year old, they’re the ones who took you from your family, your friends, your life, just so they can shove you in some sick fantasy of you in their family. So they can deal with however you behave, because they’re the ones who brought it upon themselves, they could let you go and have it be over with, but they haven’t, so they will deal with it.

The time you spent with your siblings, was just a whole lot of you telling your “older brother” that he’s a terrible person, that being said, you also are a little nicer to him, since he doesn’t actively try to belittle you, he just does it internally, and keeps his actions of being overprotective on the low-low, which is much less humiliating. You actually quite like the little girl named eri, she’s sweet and just radiates sunshine, so you’ll gladly play princess with her, the two adults practically die of cuteness seeing both you and your sister with little tiaras on, sipping tea out of a tea set they’d gotten for eri last month. They got so many pictures… so many

You were slowly widdling down their patience, of course you didn’t know of this, but it was still happening. They just want you to be happy! And you’re making it harder for both of you when you get so grumpy, why can’t you just understand that they are protecting you from all the people out there who would just love to hurt a sweet, precious little thing like yourself! No matter how much you tested both your “parents” in the past, they haven’t really gotten angry at you, more so at the world than you, this really was proven right when they finally snapped.

You had tried to run away dead in the middle of the night, which usually would be fine for them because they kept a quirk cancelling cuff around your ankle, fitted with a small tracking device, it erases your (pretty much useless) quirk while your “daddy” isn’t to around to do it himself. But somehow you’d found a way to crack it open and take it off, so they couldn’t find you in an instant, you had to whole family out on the premises searching for you, they knew you couldn’t go outside because the house is in the middle of nowhere, but they’re were just so… scared.

When they’d gotten you back, you had multiple scrapes everywhere, from a Squirrel who decided he wanted to make today a terrible day for you , you were screaming like a banshee, kicking and yelling at them to let you go, and to leave you alone. You wouldn’t ever think to see your captors look so broken, and full of fear, it was almost scary to you when all of them hugged you tight, tears escaping their eyes, and told you to “never do that again”, and they actually meant it.

From there, your little show fo defiance is pretty much put to an end, although you still scream and bite at them, you have a multitude of heavy weighted cuffs around your wrists and ankles, all the time, so you can barely even lift a hand without feeling exhausted, guess refusing to eat the food they try to feed you makes you progressively weaker… oof. You don’t do anything by yourself, more like you can’t do anything by yourself, they gladly help you. It gets so annoying so you just stop trying to live in general, your arms are sore when you do, and they help you either way, so it doesn’t really matter.

You still try your hardest to make their lives hard, like waking up at 2:09 in the morning to just yell into the baby monitor they set up in your room that you need help, and when they get there you pretend to be asleep, at that point you’re just being petty, but you don’t really mind, they do, but find you too adorable to call you out for it. Sometimes you’ll spit food at them, or sometimes you’ll try to scratch them with your fingernails (which they start cutting more often after this), maybe even bump your head against their chests as hard as you could. But for the most part you’re pretty much harmless.

There is litterally nothing you can do about it either, they love it so much, having you sit so sweet and docile, needing their help even just to sit yourself up on the couch, or pick up a crayon to draw, they don’t enjoy seeing you glare up at them, but that’s probably because you didn’t get enough sleep, of course you’re monitored all the time while you sleep, the small camera recording your heat signature, your heart rate, your breathing, if you’re awake or not, and if your moving, so they know that’s not true.

Your like a pretty little butterfly, in the hands of 4 wolves willing to protect you at any costs, at some point you might just get so tired out that you jsut have to comply to being their little one .

You just HAVE to

———————————————————————————————————

Thank you for requesting! It was a super fun thing to write!

*unedited

Have a great day today anon! Bye bye!

[thesquidkid]

all across the alien nation

Written for day 3 of @rosaweekend22 (with inspirations from day 2). A look into Rosa's mind, her feelings, and what kind of friend she was, before she died. What kind of friend she became when she came back to life.

Huge thank you to @gritkitty, for reading over my fic, correcting the spelling mistakes, and for encouraging me to write more dialogues!

Since this is a fic that is mostly from Rosa's pov, I have to warn you about certain themes in this fic: drug use and underage drinking, mind control (Noah), death (Rosa), depression.

*******

Rosa Ortecho never fit in Roswell. From a very early age, she was different, and she knew it. She was always compared to her little sister, Liz. The two girls had very little in common: Liz was smart, top of her class, Rosa didn’t even want to stay at school. Liz was happy, Rosa was sad. 

One thing about Rosa was that she really, really liked her little sister's friends. She would never dare say it to them, of course not, but she tried to show it the best way she could. She promised herself that she would be like their big sister, and she intended to keep her word. 

First, there was Maria DeLuca, who Liz befriended in 1st grade. Maria was the daughter of Mimi DeLuca, who was the town psychic, and got lots of side looks and insults in doing so. Rosa didn't particularly believe in everything Mimi said, but she made sure that no one would dare say anything terrible to Mimi. She also made sure to be there for Maria, for whom the responsibility of taking care of Mimi fell upon. 

Since Mimi worked evenings at a cowboy bar, the Wild Pony, Maria ended up spending a lot of nights with the Ortecho's. That meant that, as the older sister, Rosa was responsible for both girls going to bed early. If one of them had a nightmare, Rosa would be the first one up, calming the younger girl down before her papi could wake up. 

Alex Manes entered Rosa's life in 3rd grade, after Alex's mother, Mindy, left.

Rosa knew a thing or two about mother's leaving. Her's had come and gone quite a few times in Rosa's ten years of life. So when one night Liz asked their papi if Alex could stay the night, because his dad was away on a work trip, and his mom was gone, Rosa instantly knew that she would adopt Alex as a younger sibling. She had always wanted a brother after all. 

But befriending Alex, meant also being friends with Alex's best friend, Kyle Valenti. They were always together at the playground, sitting next to each other in class, always running around, pretending to be detectives. 

They did actually manage to solve quite a few mysteries together. First, there had been the missing shoe, which they had found in the boy's toilets, under the sink, and that belonged to a 1st grader. Then, proud of having found the missing shoe, they had tried a go at harder mysteries. Like the missing backpack, which actually got them into more trouble, as the 5th grader it belonged to specifically didn't want his bag to be found. 

Rosa had punched the kid and gotten into quite a lot of trouble, but it had been worth it. No one could be mean to her friends, without facing the consequences – her fist.

Continue on AO3

[renegadewangs]

Van Zieks - the Examination, part 11

Warnings: SPOILERS for The Great Ace Attorney: Chronicles. Additional warning for racist sentiments uttered by fictional characters (and screencaps to show these sentiments).

Disclaimer: (see Part 1 for the more detailed disclaimer.) - These posts are not meant to be taken as fact. Everything I’m outlining stems from my own views and experiences. If you believe that I’ve missed or misinterpreted something, please let me know so I can edit the post accordingly. -The purpose of these posts is an analysis, nothing more. Please do not come into these posts expecting me to either defend Barok van Zieks from haters, nor expecting me to encourage the hatred. - I’m using the Western release of The Great Ace Attorney Chronicles for these posts, but may refer to the original Japanese dialogue of Dai Gyakuten Saiban if needed to compare what’s said. This also means I’m using the localized names and localized romanization of the names to stay consistent. -It doesn’t matter one bit to me whether you like Barok van Zieks or dislike him. However, I will ask that everyone who comments refrains from attacking real, actual people.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10

Bring on the game's credits! BRING IT! The Resolve of Ryunosuke Naruhodo part 2 is here!

Episode 2-5: The Resolve of Ryunosuke Naruhodo, part 2

This is the first time in a while that I actually want to try other options to see what happens. The 'accusation' leads to some witty banter with a frustrated Stronghart, but 'report' is one that gets a reaction from Van Zieks himself. Ryu theorizes that 'since Klint was a well-bred and fastidious man, and knowing the end was near, he might have wanted to tie up some loose ends in all of his outstanding business'. Van Zieks immediately replies that his brother had no outstanding business.

DID I JUST GET PENALIZED BY THE DEFENDANT??? Just for implying his brother might've had some loose ends to tie up? Van Zieks really hates it when people show his brother even the slightest bit of disrespect, huh? Well, it's about to get a whole lot worse. Let's go for the confession option! Van Zieks definitely doesn't take kindly to this one.

“What are you saying? Do you even realise?! A confession...about the true identity of the Professor... That, that would mean...”

He fumbled his speech, there. We've never heard him do that before. And he's gone back to that bobbing, unsteady animation halfway into the above dialogue. Ryu insists it's the only explanation that fits. The man who murdered those members of the aristocracy wasn't Genshin Asogi at all, it was the one believed to be the fifth victim, Klint van Zieks himself.

Welp. We broke him. Stronghart remarks that Pandora's box has opened at last, making it clear he already knew what we just revealed. The gallery is outraged.

We've gone from well-bred to thoroughbred, have we? Susato feels very bad for Van Zieks, but Ryu asks himself whether such a brilliant prosecutor never suspected “what his older brother really was”. To clear up doubt further, he asks whether Klint Van Zieks owned a dog. Barok doesn't intend to dodge the facts of the situation, it seems.

Not what the concept art says, but it's possible Klint owned a different, smaller dog before Balmung. Van Zieks talks about how loyal the dog was and how it wore a jewel-studded collar which was stolen from the house “some years ago now”. This implies it was less than ten years ago, and must've been kept in the house as a keepsake even after Balmung passed away. Ryu and Susato bring up that they've seen such a collar; it was Selden's loot in case 2-2. They note the fancy B emblem on it, and this is the first time we find out that Klint van Zieks was a married man. His widow's maiden name was Baskerville. It's a little odd to me that for someone who thought so highly of his brother, Van Zieks never mentioned his sister in law before now. Conveniently, it never came up for the sake of a twist, I suppose. Either way, the emblem confirms the collar they saw was Balmung's. Ryu notes there was a considerable amount of blood on the collar (nobody washed this thing?) and while it could've come from typical hunting trips, it could just as well have been human blood. With that, the gallery begins to lean towards the truth that Klint van Zieks really was the Professor himself. Stronghart seems to have realized there's no way out of this now and announces that 'they may have the truth'.

Here comes that 'true nature' thing again, just worded a bit differently. Van Zieks doesn't intend to shirk away from it, though. He's open to the insinuation that his brother was, in truth, something truly horrible. Stronghart explains that Klint attempted to fight the growing darkness in London, only to end up being consumed by it. He also admits that after the fourth victim fell, Genshin showed up at his office, putting forth the accusation that Klint was the Professor. He didn't have any evidence and needed a warrant to get some, but Stronghart refused to anger the aristocracy based on the accusation of a visiting student, so he sent Genshin away. As a result, the man headed over to the Van Zieks mansion and Klint perished. Stronghart continues to admit that he was responsible for pinning the Professor's crimes on Genshin, right down to ordering Gregson to fabricate evidence. Sure enough, the late inspector's earlier claims ring true: it seems he did genuinely believe Genshin to be the killer, but was reluctant to falsify anything until Stronghart strong-armed him into it. The jailbreak agreement was also part of Stronghart's plan; he manipulated Genshin into agreeing by proverbially dangling his 14 year old son in front of him. Van Zieks brings up one more point: that Stronghart was the mastermind behind the Reaper organization. Not only does he admit to it, he calls it a “brilliant idea” and even takes credit for how his “minions” worked tirelessly to ensure Van Zieks was never accused of being the Reaper himself. What a smarmy bumhole. He insists it was all for the preservation of law and order across the empire, and the gallery is actually suckered into falling for this ploy. It seems as if he's going to get away with his masterminding without decent consequences. Kazuma now has one more question for Van Zieks, and it's the exact one Ryu asked himself earlier; did he never have any doubts about his brother?

“My brother's sense of justice was extremely strong. Perhaps...too strong, I observed. […] During the time of the Professor killings, my brother did not appear to be himself. But it was only once. Not more. Klint wasn't the culprit. That was my conclusion at the time. And I still believe that now. […] The third victim...was the Lord Chief Justice at the time. It was he who had recognized my brother's potential and trained him as a prosecutor. No matter what the circumstances, it's unthinkable that my brother could have killed his friend and mentor!”

So here, we learn that Klint wasn't an infallible paragon of virtue in his brother's eyes. Simply by saying that his sense of justice was “perhaps too strong”, a flaw is being brought to light. Younger Barok saw that Klint's need to ensure justice was overpowering him, and he also saw that during the time of the killings, something was off about his behavior. Enough to have the younger Van Zieks consider, for a brief time, that perhaps the Professor was him. However, the death of the third victim was like a lifeline to him, a flotation device keep him from going under- or perhaps more like a straw to grasp. It offered a sort of justification to him; a firm belief that Klint would never kill his own mentor and therefore he couldn't possibly be the Professor, and Barok was wrong to ever doubt him. However, it was just a very meager excuse to put his suspicions at ease and blind him to the truth. There are, after all, plenty of reasons why Klint would kill that Lord Chief Justice if indeed he were the Professor.

So Stronghart now tries to wrap everything up with a neat little bow, saying that's all the truth they'll be able to get from this trial and he'll present himself at the Ministry of Justice for whatever sanctions are deemed necessary. Since he's the Lord Chief Justice, I can't imagine the Ministry of Justice will give him more than a slap on the wrist. However, he says just a bit too much in his closing statement and Ryu jumps on that immediately. A third page of Genshin's will was hidden from everyone! Turns out, it was a personal message to Kazuma that they never bothered to send to Japan. Governor Caidin conveniently brought it with him and the contents are read aloud after some pressuring. With this last secret message left behind by Genshin, Ryu manages to find Klint's last will and testament hidden inside the Asogi clan's sword. GASP.

Oblivious to the shenanigans playing out in the Court Record section of the game, Stronghart once again tries to end the trial and even goes so far as to say Klint was basically insane when he took his mentor's life (to which Van Zieks objects fiercely). Ryu interjects, saying he has one more piece of evidence to present. When Stronghart calls the very notion absurd, Van Zieks once again raises an objection, pointing out that “this gentleman has an uncanny habit of producing evidence at the final hour that had escaped everyone else's attention.” Which, y'know, is true. That's how Ace Attorney works. I do want to draw attention to the fact that he said “this gentleman” as opposed to “this Nipponese” or even something like “this barrister”. He considers Ryu a gentleman now! So with that, Ryu has the opportunity to shove Klint's will in everyone's face and things escalate very quickly.

Ooh, his speech faltered again. He is shook! And it gets even better when he gets a closer look at the document.

Stronghart panics and demands Ryu hands the document over to him at once. When that fails, he even tries to forcibly adjourn the trial and get everyone to clear the courtroom. If that isn't suspicious, we don't know what is. It sure is satisfying to watch him squirm. Naturally, he can't actually put an end to the trial now- not with so many people watching, so the document is read aloud. It's revealed that Genshin challenged Klint to a duel, so that he might “depart this world with honor”. Klint goes on to write that he finds himself undeserving of this honor and that “the Japanese are a truly merciful people”. So here, already, we get the final nail in the coffin for Van Zieks's entire motivation for racial prejudice and for hating Genshin in particular. Klint never thought ill of Genshin, not even in his final moments. If anything, he was grateful for being put out of his misery and being allowed to 'depart the world with honor'. Genshin's actions were not betrayal; not ever. They were merciful. (COOL MOTIVE, STILL MURDER.) What we also learn is that while Klint did indeed take the life of the first victim on his own accord, he was then immediately identified as the culprit and blackmailed into the next three killings by someone else. You guessed it, it was Stronghart! Despite his earlier panic, he now has a myriad of justification ready, talking about how sacrifices have to be made for the sake of justice and whatnot. He also explains that he was the one who pressured Jigoku into shooting Genshin in the graveyard when Drebber showed up there. He acts like Jigoku is the only one to blame, but considering Stronghart was basically screaming in Jigoku's ear, I wouldn't be surprised if this poor man pulled the trigger by accident simply because he was startled by the shouting. Stronghart was the one who decided that Genshin needed to die and forced Jigoku to act, so Stronghart is the one ultimately responsible. Naturally, Ryu and Kazuma both attempt to argue Stronghart's justifications into the ground. At one point, Stronghart plays the victim card and asks them to acknowledge his 'struggle', but Kazuma insists that this jerk has done nothing and:

WELL. Okay. Looks like we've finally convinced Kazuma that Van Zieks is a victim in this whole ordeal, as well as someone who 'acts justly'. That's a wonderful way forward. With all this out in the open, though, Stronghart offers a literal round of applause. It's true; he's “done nothing” and “merely been surrounded by fools who've acted very rashly indeed”, which means he can't be charged with any crimes. We can't even prove he threatened anyone into doing his bidding, as he says it might as well have been “bargaining”. Thing is, bargaining with someone to end a third party's life is known as “contract killing” and is, in fact, illegal. I can't find any sources to verify whether it was already illegal in 1900 England, but I can only assume so, or people would've gotten away with murders very easily. I guess the bottom line here is that we can't prove Stronghart really did extort or pay anyone to take a life, since there's no material evidence for that sort of thing, nor anyone who can testify on it. Stronghart claims that the minutes of the trial will be heavily redacted to remove matters not related to Gregson's death, in the interest of preserving law and order, as well as to protect the queen. The gallery has now turned against us as well, chanting Stronghart's name.

Here we have a singular opportunity to deviate into the closest thing to a bad ending this game series has. Anyone who remembers the iconic 'the miracle never happen' ending in AA2, or even the bad endings in AA5 where either Trucy or Athena is implied to be killed by Aura, will be sorely disappointed by this one. First, to compare... In the standard ending, no matter how far along you've gotten in the trial- including proving that Stronghart was the Reaper- Van Zieks will still be found guilty. Stronghart will utter the words that he “would like to think however misguided, [Van Zieks] acted out of a sense of justice nonetheless”, and then pronounces the poor man guilty of crimes we've already proven were never committed by him. Now, in this slightly different ending, if you run out of all your penalty points because you fail to present Harely, the dialogue is tweaked. Stronghart declares that for the sake of justice, “the only correct course of action has been unanimously acknowledged by the clear majority here present. All mention of that which has been discussed in this courtroom today will be struck from the records. Barok van Zieks – Or should I say, Reaper of the Bailey... The heinous crimes committed by your brother, Klint van Zieks, will be lost in obscurity, this time forever. May you also find peace now as you join your sibling in the eternal darkness.”

And then, just as in the standard ending, Van Zieks is pronounced guilty and the doors slam shut. So effectively, the only real difference here is that Stronghart really rubs it in our faces that Van Zieks is taking the fall as the Reaper in the eyes of the public. He knows Van Zieks isn't the Reaper- everyone present in the courtroom knows it. However, since the entirely gallery is siding with the real mastermind, the minutes of the trial will be confiscated and destroyed so that the truth will be lost forever. Neither Kazuma nor Ryu reacts to this turn of events on-screen, which is a shame. Van Zieks doesn't fight the adjudication either, he simply accepts the verdict in silence- Hang on, where have we heard that before? Genshin? And didn't Van Zieks say that so long as his death served a purpose, he wouldn't mind dying over being called the Reaper? Stronghart certainly seems to feel that Van Zieks ought to be thrown under the omnibus and sent to the gallows for the sake of minimizing crime in London.

But we're not going to let the true antagonist of this game get away with his bullshit! Time to pull Harely's ears! Cue another (S)Holmeus Ex-Machina where it turns out the entire secret trial has been livestreamed to the Queen of England through holograms. By royal decree, Stronghart is stripped of his title and will be prosecuted for his crimes at a later time. FINAL BOSS, DEFEATED.

With Stronghart out of the way, Van Zieks has some closing sentiments to offer.

“Is that my brother left this world without a word to me.”

I can see why that might bug him. Van Zieks always looked up to his brother and shielded him from disrespect even a decade after his death, but Klint in turn didn't seem to want to leave any parting sentiments for him, not even a simple farewell. That's not the case, though! Susato points out there's actually more to Klint's will than was read aloud, so let's hear it now.

“Barok, you have always looked up to me, and now, you follow in my footsteps to become a prosecutor. It is my fervent wish that my unspeakable deeds should not hinder your advancement. I ask not for understanding, for none could understand my depravity. I ask only for forgiveness. Asogi is a fine detective, and a hunter worthy of respect. He has agreed to honour my final two wishes. The first is that this document survives. The second... I cannot commit to paper. I have confessed my sins to my wife. May she find resolution in my death. With my eternal gratitude to my Japanese friend, I rest my quill.”

Imagine how different things would've ended if the will had found its way to Van Zieks shortly after Klint's death. It would've prevented so much grief and so much prejudice, because if Van Zieks had learned that Klint still regarded Genshin with so much respect and gratitude even in this situation, he would never have blamed him for Klint's death nor considered it too great a betrayal. Everything that happened was in line with Klint's wishes. As it stands now, the words in Klint's will basically serve to scold Van Zieks for his attitude and hatred these past ten years.

Yep, there we go. The final straw. He's been truly, utterly embarrassed and made to confront his mistakes. When Stronghart explains how his ambition to become Attorney General is what prompted him to silence people like Watson and Gregson. Van Zieks asks him whether he ever bothered to count the number of brilliant people he had killed. Kind of a questionable remark, since Stronghart mostly had criminals killed. We don't even know for sure whether Watson was a good person or not; he comes across as a cowardly skeeve. I guess Van Zieks is mostly talking about Genshin, but even that is... Uh...

I received an Ask a while back, bringing up the matter that Genshin appears to be exonerated of any wrongdoing when the truth of Klint's death is revealed. That despite duels being outlawed and it being literal murder, Kazuma seems to take this truth as his father's name being cleared. Indeed, going over everything we've learned so far, it feels as if the narrative has set up both Klint and Genshin, and even characters like Jigoku and Gregson, as victims of Stronghart's manipulation. The thing is, though... Both Genshin and Klint took at least one life of their own free will, Jigoku pulled a trigger twice for the sake of his own career (and recruited someone into an assassin plot), Gregson conspired with a notorious assassin to commit over a dozen murders just because his boss told him it was the right thing to do... Feeling bad about murder or resorting to it because 'the other person is even worse and needs to be stopped' doesn't change that it's murder. It doesn't seem as if Kazuma or anyone else outright says their loved ones are absolved of any responsibility/their names are cleared, but it does really come across as if the narrative wants you to forgive them. So uh... Yes. This is something the game should have properly addressed, instead of just going 'oh, these poor people, all used as puppets by the final boss'.

Anyway, (S)Holmes takes the time to remind Van Zieks that he's the defendant in this case, not the prosecutor. Our old friend Santa Judge returns for the adjudication! Turns out, he was in the gallery all along. (Was he chanting Stronghart's name too?) He talks about how the darkness of the past ten years has lifted, in part thanks to a bright young star from the East. Awww, we've completely won over the judge! Van Zieks now also has something to add.

“I had the faintest of intimations. That if British justice, so warped and twisted over its long history, was finally to know change... This might just be the man to do it. But at the time, I wouldn't allow myself to acknowledge the possibility. I couldn't overcome my hatred of the Japanese, after the circumstances of my brother's death. Mr. Naruhodo...”

He takes a flourishing bow here, an acknowledgment that Ryu is worthy of his respect and perhaps even that Ryu is superior to him, then stands up straight again for the final whammy.

Ryu is shocked and Susato is brought to tears. We did it, y'all. We've secured the full, heartfelt apology. I'm not sure there's really anything to add to this, nor anything we could want from it at this point in time. Ryu doesn't say he forgives Van Zieks for his discourtesies, but considering how hard he worked to get this guy cleared of murder, that would feel kind of out of place. The forgiveness happened long before Van Zieks apologized, or so is the implication. (Is that the correct narrative path? Not at all, but I'll get back to that in the conclusion.) So after some more closing words from Ryu, Van Zieks gets his not-guilty verdict and court is adjourned.

In the defendant's lobby, Ryu feels a bit conflicted about how this whole thing went down. Susato tries to cheer him up by saying that everything will seem much better once he sees Van Zieks's smiling face. Indeed, in most other Ace Attorney games, this would be the point where at last, an emotionally distant defendant/witness drops their walls and allows themselves to smile (or cry). Just think of Gina, Lana Skye or even Athena Cykes when she cries tears of joy during AA5's ending. Hilariously enough, Van Zieks is not one of those characters.

This is a really fun subversion of expectations and Ace Attorney tropes. And I still believe his face got frozen like that. Even so, he's got something heartfelt to say.

“For you to have risen to the level of excellence you demonstrated today... Well, it's quite remarkable.”

Sounds like a hatchet job of a compliment at first glance, but the sentiment is there. It is extremely remarkable for a foreign exchange student who's only been in the country for about 9 months- and who only spent like 2 of those as an active lawyer- to rise to such a level that he not only uncovers the truth of the current case, but of a cold case from 10 years prior, which was part of a huge cover-up. Ryu points out that he exposed a most 'unpalatable truth' in court and that he feels as if he robbed Van Zieks of something precious. Van Zieks doesn't seem to agree. He reminisces on Stronghart's words.

“But that... That was just the feeble excuse of a coward. Only those with a steadfast eye for the truth have what it takes to fight the dark forces of crime. You made fine work of establishing that fact in court today.”

So once again, he's complimenting Ryu's courtroom performance. Not only that, but he's acknowledging (in different words) the earlier sentiment that the truth needs to come out, no matter how painful. Perhaps, indirectly, he's calling himself a feeble coward as well. Ryu and Susato are proud of Van Zieks's growth, with Susato saying that surely Kazuma would be smiling if he were here. Naturally, when he shows up at that very second, he isn't smiling at all. Like mentor, like disciple! Kazuma takes a polite bow before Van Zieks and congratulates him on his acquittal. Naturally, after watching Kazuma prosecute so ferociously for two whole episodes, that doesn't feel sincere. Van Zieks asks him whether he doesn't instead want to curse him. Kazuma apologizes for his earlier behavior, which does feel 100% sincere.

“Your father, Genshin... If I had been stronger, then perhaps... I made an unforgivable error of judgment. … I can offer no excuse.”

One more apology to add to the pile! And here we once again reach that question of whether the narrative is acting like Genshin should be absolved of all blame. In a technical sense, Van Zieks wasn't wrong to prosecute Genshin, since he did seriously murder Klint. That alone is already warranting of the death penalty, so the added crimes of the Professor on top of that don't change too much. However, I don't think Van Zieks's lines truly relate to the Professor trial itself. The error of judgment, in my eyes, can also be seen as the blind acceptance that Genshin betrayed him (as well as Klint) when there was actually far more at play. This notion that Genshin was a horrid traitor who abused their trust and hospitality was then allowed to grow into an irrational hatred which festered for a decade. Regardless of whether Genshin killed Klint, the insistence that the man's true nature was that of a monster was wrong, and I think that's what he's apologizing for. To be clear, he's not apologizing for racist sentiments uttered towards Kazuma or anyone else from Japan with these lines. This purely relates to his treatment of Genshin. However, he already apologized for his many discourtesies back in the courtroom and I think the racist outbursts were part of those discourtesies.

Kazuma says he can offer no forgiveness, which is totally fair. Kazuma isn't obligated to forgive this man. He does, however, admit that he has respect for Van Zieks, since he “fought for justice and the truth”.

Awww! Remember how in my very first 'strong thought about Barok' post, I pointed out that Barok almost appears to have been designed to be Kazuma's rival prosecutor instead of Ryu's? Yeah. Here we see it very clearly. The reconciliation conversation between these two feels like a much better resolution than the conversation between Van Zieks and Ryu.

So now Kazuma brings up that Genshin promised to do two things for Klint, but the second wasn't mentioned in the will. Mikotoba shows up to share a very heartbreaking tale about Klint's unnamed widow, the lady Zieks-Baskerville, who was hiding out in Dartmoor and passed away from childbirth very shortly after Genshin was executed. The newborn baby girl survived, though! Van Zieks blurts out that that makes no sense. “Why on Earth wouldn't Klint have entrusted the child to my care in that case?!” And that alone is already kind of tragic, but what really packs a wallop is this:

This means Klint and his wife deliberately kept the pregnancy from him. It's never explained why. Genshin showed up at the manor in the spur of the moment and Klint died that very same night, when his wife must've already been around 8 or 9 months pregnant. (she gives birth about a week or two later, after all.) Klint says that he 'confessed his sins to his wife', but that also must've been very recent, if not that very same night, since Stronghart was threatening to tell Klint's wife and brother of his misdeeds. Stronghart's hold on Klint would've weakened if he'd told her the truth months ago, which in turn implies the both of them decided not to tell Barok while she herself was still oblivious to the Professor truth. Honestly, it all feels like a vague plotconvenience.

What is explained is why the newborn baby wasn't entrusted to Van Zieks. It isn't because Klint had the amazing foresight to know his younger brother would become a salty, loner alcoholic; it's because he and his wife feared the truth of the Professor might come out. Heck, if Genshin had never been arrested for Klint's death, perhaps it would've come out for certain. “The girl would be forever branded as the daughter of the infamous mass murderer.” So the baby girl was distanced from the Van Zieks family as much as possible, with all of London unaware of her existence. This girl is, of course, Iris.

Right on cue, the Harely plushie activates to receive a call from (S)Holmes and Iris. She invites everyone over to 221B for a feast and makes sure to invite “Mr. Reaper” too. He very awkwardly declines the offer.

Humanization? Humanization! He does, however, give Iris his word that he'll present himself at 221B in the near future to express his gratitude. I think a big part of why he declined the offer was because he wouldn't feel at home during the big celebration when a whole group of people is there. He'd much rather visit Iris during a more quiet, private moment and that's sweet too. Plus, I don't think he's in the mood for a celebration, considering all the horrible truths he's learned in a single day.

So now Kazuma prepares to leave and asks Van Zieks to accompany him. The wording of “would you care to-” makes it very clear this isn't a demand, it's a very soft request that Van Zieks is free to decline. Not that he hesitates for even a second. Here's some more parting words.

“I believe... You saved my life.”

He takes a deep, flourishing bow and honestly I've lost track of how many times he's praised/thanked Ryu by now. More than Edgeworth thanked Phoenix, most likely. The prosecutor duo prepares to walk away, but Ryu calls after Van Zieks, asking him to wait. Which he does. Ryu asks him what he intends to do now.

... “Prosecutor van Zieks chooses death”??? In a way, he's thinking of pulling a similar move. He intends to publicize the full truth of the Professor, and I can only imagine that includes Stronghart's involvement in what went down 10 years ago. Maybe he'll even share the truth of the Reaper who's haunted the courtroom all these years. He believes that “once that's done, the Van Zieks family will be ostracised completely from London society.” (I don't think he means living family members, but rather, the legacy of the Van Zieks name and the rights associated with it.) So because of that, he intends to leave the capital as soon as he's free of his employment. Considering how easily this man took a five year sabbatical and adding in the fact that the Lord Chief Justice just got arrested, I expect his resignation could be as easy as packing his desk and leaving his office without saying a word. Kazuma, however, calls him a fool and a coward. He basically dares Van Zieks to keep going now that he's finally freed from the pseudonym of the Reaper. Van Zieks neither agrees with the sentiment nor shoots it down, instead saying it's unexpected to hear those words from Kazuma of all people. With that out in the open, they leave for realsies.

Just as Van Zieks doesn't attend the Baker Street party, he isn't there when Ryu's at the docks to return to Japan. I like to think Kazuma did bother to tell Van Zieks that Ryu is leaving the country, because withholding that information seems like a bit of a jerk move, but... Well. Not showing up at the docks to say some final farewells is even more of a jerk move on Van Zieks's part. Though it's possible he felt he wasn't wanted there, and may eventually ask for Ryu's address so he can write a letter (which is far less imposing than invading a heartfelt farewell with a scowling face). It's a shame, though. I would've liked to hear his thoughts on Ryu's departure.

We learn that Kazuma will “stay in Lord van Zieks's tutelage for the time being” to become a full-fledged prosecutor. Which is fine, I guess. It doesn't matter whether he's a defense attorney or a prosecutor; all that matters is the pursuit of the truth. What catches my interest is that even with all that bad blood and refusal to forgive Van Zieks, Kazuma still agrees to keep studying as his disciple. This implies to me that he sincerely doesn't believe Van Zieks to be a bad person anymore, and acknowledges he can learn a lot from this man. Which is not the same thing as being on friendly terms with him, but at the very least he's giving Van Zieks the benefit of the doubt when it comes to improving their... Well, their dynamic, I suppose I should call it.

On to the credits scenes we go! This time, Van Zieks legit does get a scene of his own, but before we address this one, I want to skip ahead real quick to Albert Harebrayne's scene.

“He sent me a very nice letter saying he'd like to show me around now that everything was settled. B-But what have I done? I was so excited, I picked this splendid hotel and now I can't afford the bill! Oh Barok! Come to my rescue again, please! I, I wish I could just vanish into thin air sometimes!”

Several things of note can be taken out of this little scene. First of all, with the Reaper nonsense behind them, Van Zieks seems to have wasted very little time with asking his best buddy to return to London for that sightseeing that was promised. Presumably, he even paid for the trip (again), since Albert still seems to be very low on money. This, coupled with the fact that Van Zieks was reading that letter with quite a bit of dedication in his jail cell, indicates to me that he's longing for the good old days, when he could smile and have friends. He's trying to return to a sense of normalcy and since Albert is still considered his closest friend, it makes sense he'd reach out to him instead of a relative stranger like Kazuma. Baby steps. Now, the fact that Albert says “come to my rescue again” sets the very clear tone that this guy believes Van Zieks has helped him before- during the trial, of course. It's another reinforcement of the notion that Albert is thankful Van Zieks chose the role of prosecutor in order to defend the teleportation theory, even if it meant that he himself would be branded a murderer. Despite his gruff exterior and blunt words, Albert thinks of Van Zieks as a sort of knight in shining armor who will come save him. … With cold hard cash, in this case, but it's the gesture that counts. Van Zieks might allow Albert to stay in his mansion instead, but it depends how high the risk of assassination is at this point in time. People are probably hating on the Van Zieks family now that the truth of the Professor is out.

On to credits scene of Van Zieks himself! We have confirmation by now that he hasn't retired as a prosecutor, since Kazuma already expressed his intent to keep studying under him. So we see Van Zieks in his office, addressing Klint's painting.

“In those days, when I was known as the Reaper, I felt your presence at my side. Once, unable to bear the burden of that grim pseudonym, I even retired from the courtroom. Despite everything, I still wear your prosecutor's badge with pride. But the darkness that beset me is no more. As you, too... Are no more.”

The first two sentences of this bit feel very disjointed and barely related to me, so I had a quick look at some fan translations. First is the sub translation on Youtube: “I could feel you standing by my side through the days in which I was called the Reaper. Yet there were times I could not bear the burden of that name, and left the courtroom far behind me.” The “yet” is very crucial, since it makes the insinuation that feeling his brother's presence was very important to Van Zieks, but the burden became so overwhelming that he retired anyway. Taisa the Gamer's script doesn't have a “yet” in it, nor any equivalent, but the sentence structure still flows well enough not to cast doubt on how he felt about Klint's supposed presence. Contrasting that, the localization's wording with “even” almost makes it seem like feeling Klint's presence was a negative thing- that he was overwhelmed by it and that this was the burden associated with the Reaper name, as opposed to the killings. Which can't possibly be right; he already admitted to us that the idea of his brother's ghost helping him was one of the main reasons he kept on being the Reaper. So long story short, the localization's take on these first two lines is a little off.

The prosecutor's badge thing, however, is spot on. Despite everything- despite the 'true nature' of Klint now exposed, Van Zieks still wears the badge with pride. We know the badge is symbolical, of course. He still believes in Klint's sense of justice and he's still going to openly admit to being Klint's brother- to being a Van Zieks. That's sweet. He goes on to say that the darkness within him is no more. To really grasp what that means, let's go back to the end of case 2-3 for a second. There, Van Zieks says that after his brother's death, he found himself in “a very dark place indeed”. In case 2-4, he mentions that he refuses to trust others to protect himself against betrayal, but has now sunk into a proverbial mire which makes it impossible to breathe. All of that is the same darkness he's referring to now, I'm sure. I don't believe depression can lift this easily; there's no way that darkness is no more. However, I think what he means to say is that it no longer has such a strong hold on him that it manifests in paranoia and irrational hatred. He has a chance now to start fresh and that's what he intends to do. He's striding away from that darkness, towards a brighter future. In order for a person to change for the better, they themselves have to want to change, and it looks like Van Zieks is all for that. Which at last brings us to the conclusion of this essay series! The conclusion, which looks back on the original query posed in Part 1, will once again include a load of screencaps. To keep the post size lighter, I'm going to put it in a separate post. I hope you'll look forward to it!