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[satansxknitwear]

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How did you choose your name?

I didn’t. Oddly enough, my birth name was given to me because it was supposedly androgynous, so that works. I used to wish I had a more ‘normal’ name, but now I’m pretty indifferent to it.

What gives you the most dysphoria? (Acknowledging that not all trans people experience dysphoria)

I don’t experience physical dysphoria. I don’t know if I experience social dysphoria, but if so, it’s not too intense.

Do you have more physical dysphoria or more social dysphoria?

Social, if I have it. I don’t like being called certain pronouns, but I’m kind of resigned to it. Only on the internet would it really get to me, but thankfully I’ve never had that happen after coming out.

What do you do to perform self-care when you’re feeling dysphoric?

I don’t need self-care when I have loving and accepting friends!

What was the first time you suspected you were transgender? 

It was kind of hard. In my preteens, I would think to myself that I didn’t want to be my assigned gender, but I didn’t quite want to be the other binary gender either. I kind of resigned myself to being my assigned gender until finding out nonbinary genders were a thing.

When did you realize you were transgender?

5-6 years ago?

What is your favorite part of being transgender?

I feel like there’s a certain freedom to it. When you grow up, you’re fed a lot of messages about gender (boys don’t cry, girls are more nurturing), and I never really liked when people tried to justify my personality with stuff like that. Now that I know I’m not cis, I can ignore it.

How would you explain your gender identity to others?

My gender = No

How did you come out? If you didn’t come out, why do you stay in the closet? Or what happened when you were outed?

It’s much easier for me to stay in the closet.

What have your experiences with packing or wearing breast forms been?

None.

What are your experiences with binding or tucking?

None.

Do you pass?

Technically yes, since having no gender means (ideally) having no gender expectations. I’d like to look androgynous, but I can’t do that socially without tipping people off, and physically, with my body type, it would be a challenge anyway.

What (if any) steps do you want to take to medically transition?

Maybe hormones? But that’s hard to do while staying closeted. I don’t necessarily need them for myself.

How long have you been out?

5-6 years online

What labels have you used before you’ve settled on your current set?

None other than my assigned gender

Have you ever experienced transphobia?

Not directly, but I did have the misfortune of hearing the Apache helicopter joke irl

What do you do when you have to go to the bathroom in public?

Public bathrooms are a den of filth. I would never step foot in one willingly unless it was an emergency.

How does your family feel about your trans identity?

I don’t know, but given how they talk about trans people, I don’t want to

Would you ever go stealth, and if you are stealth, why do you choose to be stealth?

I literally can’t; that is not a luxury I have. There’s not really a way to be ‘stealth’ when you’re nonbinary. You either have to tell people upfront or let them assume what gender you are.

What do you wish you could have shared with your younger self about being trans?

I probably would’ve told myself what a transmed was so that didn’t affect my entire stance on whether or not I’m trans. But I also would tell myself that being nonbinary doesn’t necessarily mean I have to ID as trans either.

Why do you use the pronouns you use?

I like them! And they too!

Do your neurodivergencies affect your gender?

I don’t know if I’m neurodivergent or not.

What’s your biggest trans-related fear?

Being outed to my family. That would not be ideal.

What medical, social, or personal steps have you already taken to start your transition?

I came out online.

What do you wish cis people understood?

Respecting trans and other non-cis people isn’t impossible. I’ve met a decent amount of cis people who are really cool about it, and I appreciate them a lot.

The sanctity of the English language is not and never will be a hill to die on. Using singular they/them will not kill anyone.

What impact has being trans affected your life?

Things make a lot more sense now! I’m really glad I found out I’m nonbinary.

What do you do to validate yourself?

Write! Creating the representation I want to see, and seeing other people enjoy it, is really helpful!

How do you feel about trans representation in media?

It’s improving, but could be better.

Who is your favorite trans celebrity?

I don’t really know all that much about trans celebrities. I think there’s like 5 I can name total? Asia Kate Dillon interested me in particular, because before hearing about them, I never knew there was a nonbinary character on US television that wasn’t a robot or an alien, let alone a celebrity that publicly identified as nonbinary, and got to play said character! It’s really cool, and I really appreciate them for being out there.

Who is the transgender person who has influenced you the most?

@rontufox. He was the first person I ever knew to mention the word ‘genderqueer’ and was the guy that reblogged the post that made me realize my identity. Great dude, great friend, really understanding and an inspiration for how to treat other people in general! I love you, bro!

How are you involved with the trans community, IRL or online?

Other than having trans friends and reblogging an occassional post… not much. I have little idea what the nonbinary community is like, what problems they have or face. Does an organized nonbinary community even exist? I’ve seen and heard a lot more discussion about and by trans men and women, but can’t really say I ‘know’ their communities, because I’m not either of those identities.

How do you see yourself identifying and presenting in 5 years?

The same.

What trans issue are you most passionate about?

Representation in media. There’s a lot of trans stories to tell, but not many are being told, and the ones that are are often by cis people which creates… issues, to say the least.

What advice would you give to other trans people, or what message would you like to share with them?

No one is immune to misogyny. Please examine how you treat/behave toward women. On the other hand, ragging on men just for the sake of ragging on men doesn’t really do any good for anyone and can easily reinforce harmful beliefs. People who choose to belittle or ignore the struggles of specific men (cis LGB+ men, trans men, men of color, etc.) are especially suspicious when it comes to this.

NEVER INTERACT WITH TERFs. Period. They are not a joke. Transphobes in general are bad of course, but TERFs are especially manipulative. They can and will turn someone completely inside out in order to get someone to believe their ideology and have a lot of sneaky tactics to get otherwise anti-TERF people to agree with them. No matter how secure you think you are in your identity, it’s not worth it. The same goes for transmeds. I don’t know the full extent of their tactics, but based on personal experience, they’re pretty damaging too.

How do you feel your gender interacts with your race, disability, class, weight, etc. from the perspective of intersectionality?

I’d much rather be read as a guy online than in real life.

What, if any, is the difference between your gender identity and your gender expression?

I don’t really get to ‘express’ my gender irl. I’d like to have more ‘plain’ clothes that aren’t obviously tailored for one gender. Online, my gender expression is... just being me! I used to put a little more thought into trying to come off as completely androgynous, but what’s the point of being nonbinary if I can’t be myself?

Do you feel more masculine, feminine, or neither?

Neither

What is your sexual and romantic orientation, and what are your thoughts on it?

I’m ace and aro. I feel like it’s made a lot easier for me to be my identity than if I were attracted to people. I don’t often see unaligned nonbinary people in discussions of attraction, but then again, I rarely see nonbinary discussions at all. It’s already hard enough for binary trans and aligned nonbinary people to get taken seriously as their in a relationship or in other parts of the LGBT+ community.

There’s people who don’t believe nonbinary people exist or should be a part of the LGBT+ community, and then there are others who don’t believe asexual or aromantic people should be a part of the community either. But there are many more cis+heterosexual+heteromantic people, who would not accept nonbinary, ace, aro people at all. It’s hard to interact with the LGBT+ community beyond support if you have to second-guess whether you belong at all. But, the more I learn about other people’s experiences in the online LGBT+ community, the more I learn that no group feels completely safe, and all of them are either being persecuted or ignored by each other. I don’t really know what to say other than it’s really sad.

Is your ideal partner also trans, or do you not have a preference?

I have no ideal partner.

How did/do you manage waiting to transition?

I came out online. That’s it to me. It was pretty easy for me in particular because there were very few people who I told my assigned gender beforehand.

What is the place (blog, website, forum, IRL space) you get most of your info on being trans or on trans related things?

Tumblr. 

Do you interact with other trans people IRL?

I don’t know if I’ve ever met a trans person IRL

Are you involved in any trans-related activism?

Not really.

Free space! Answer any question you want, or make up your own question to answer.

Thanks, I might make a few!

What do you hope for in the future?

Trans rights!  Safer discussions of LGBT+ topics in public!

What are you thankful for?

My amazing friends for supporting me! I wouldn’t have gotten this far without you, and I’m thankful for the people who are there for me!

What do you wish to achieve?

I wish to be able to understand and respect other parts of the LGBT+ community better. I know I won’t be able to understand other groups 100%, but I like learning! And more than anything, I don’t want to make it any harder than it already is to be LGBT+ online. I want to help my friends!!

Why didn’t you write “as a trans person” after those last three questions, when that’s what you meant? 

I’m not sure if I see myself as trans to begin with. I’ve only heard one other person share this sentiment with me, but I feel like being trans is a little more involved what I am, and I don’t feel comfortable co-opting on that experience (even though...taking this questionnaire meant for trans people… might be doing just that.) I do want to clarify that I’m not saying that nonbinary people who share my experiences CAN’T be trans. I’m just saying that I’m not sure if I see myself personally as trans. I’m not cis though. That I know for sure.

Did you like taking this questionnaire?

Heck yeah! Nice job, OP!

What’s a way you can end this on a happy note?

I know a lot of these answers have been downers, but I think if people pull together, a better future is possible for all of us. I’m thankful for where I am in life now, and I want other people to get to a similar spot in life, if not better! Also, let me know if I stepped out of line in any of these answers so I can edit them!

[synonym-for-life]

Criticism in fandom

I posted this as a reblog to something already but I feel like this deserves a post of its own. This will be a rather general post about fandom etiquette, but I do think it’s important, so here goes.

1. Most writers (not all, but definitely most) don’t want unsolicited criticism (not in comments, not in fic recs, not anywhere public). Why?

First and foremost, we don’t know who you are. We don’t know if you have any experience writing yourself, we don’t know if you have any experience with editing, betaing, how familiar you are with the characters, the canon, different narration techniques etc. Basically, we don’t know if the criticism is coming from a trusted source or simply from an entitled commenter who didn’t get exactly what they wanted.

A lot of writers already HAVE trusted sources of criticism, namely their alpha and beta readers. These are the people the authors trust, these are the people who mostly have experience with SpaG, editing, plotting, story structure etc. Believe me, when I tell you this, a good alpha/beta won’t just nod along and say everything is perfect - a good alpha/beta will give credit where credit is due and give criticism where criticism is due.

Sometimes writers don’t want ANY criticism on some (or all) of their stories. Not even from an alpha/beta. Sometimes we just can’t be bothered with editing, sometimes we don’t have time, sometimes we just want to key-smash the story onto our AO3 to get all those sudden feels out, just throw it out there into the whirlwind of readers in its pure raw form because we die as warriors.

People who offer unsolicited criticism often do it in the name of “helping writers get better”. And fair, most writers do want to get better, in which case see point one and two of why unsolicited crit isn’t the best way to go. And some writers couldn’t care less about getting better because maybe that’s not their ambition in life and they just write to get those stories out.

2. Fic ratings suck for most of us writers. Why?

We are tender souls who are very often majorly insecure about our own writing and seeing a rating (be it on a 1-10 scale or something else) just makes us a) start comparing to other writers, b) putting pressure on ourselves to write a 10/10 fic c) cry

It also kind of sucks because it brings that “real world” mentality into fandom. The world where everyone is competing against each other, the world where you always feel like you have to score the highest, the world where everything you do is judged. The world that pressures you about being productive and efficient at all times.

3. How CAN you help writers get better, you ask, if you cannot openly offer criticism?

Become an alpha/beta reader. We LOVE alpha/beta readers (This is time for me to say Hi to all of you alphas and betas who make our fics better! *waves*) Yes, you won’t immediately know how to do it (I didn’t either and I still wouldn’t consider myself a great beta) but you will learn by listening to what the author wants/needs (communication with the author is of utmost importance!). An important thing to note is that betaing includes a lot of flailing over the great parts and lots of sincere, but kind, criticism of the parts that don’t work. If you come up with suggestions for improvement, even better!

You can start posting writing tips! Tumblr is a great place for that. If you are a writer yourself or if you simply have some observations to make that you think will help either writers of a specific fandom or writers in general, you can make your blog a reference blog for writers. You can treat different themes ranging from grammar and spelling to plotting to characterization etc. It’s completely fine to criticize fandom cliches and things you find problematic, just don’t call out specific writers and be prepared that not everyone will agree with you.

You can start online writing workshops or writing challenges where your aim could be exploring a certain style of writing, or a certain character or even just the uses of punctuation. We’ve had some amazing workshops and challenges on the Drarry discord and I can definitely say that these kinds of events help writers a lot. But these events do take a lot of time and effort to organize - also a fair amount of knowledge and skill. However, even just participating in the events as a writer and then being able to comment on other people’s works (criticism/suggestions for improvement are welcome in such workshops!) allows for criticism in an overall positive and encouraging environment.

participate in discussions! and I say discussions, not public callouts or attacks or anon messages!

Lastly, I’d like to reiterate a point that I think is very important. Fandom is, for a lot of us, an escape from the outside world. People who are wont to criticize fics/art etc often make excuses that “it’s a tough world out there” and “if you can’t take the criticism don’t write” and stuff like that. The thing is, fandom can be better than the harsh outside world. It is a place where we support each other, where we try to create a comfortable, safe environment that serves as a respite from real life. That isn’t to say that we blind ourselves from the real world. No, we simply believe that even the real world would be able to function the same way - with positive reinforcement, with people helping one another, with people working together, with people respecting each other’s boundaries.

P.S.: This post is meant to be encouraging. I want as many people in the fandom as possible! Comment, interact, write, draw, read, anything! Also if you make a mistake, that’s fine. We all do! Don’t stress over it too much, this is supposed to be fun! As long as we try to be kind and respectful all will be well.

[satans-knitwear]

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