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hooked-on-elvis · 2 months ago

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I-AM-LITERALLY-IN-TEARS

IF YOU HAVEN'T READ OR HEARD A THING ABOUT LISA'S BOOK YET, DON'T READ THIS POST IF YOU'RE NOT UP FOR SOME SPOILERS. ALSO, SENSITIVE CONTENT (MINOR AB***). DO NOT READ WATCH THE VIDEO OR READ THIS IF YOU'RE NOT MENTALLY HEALTHY ENOUGH TO. TAKE CARE. ♥

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Hey, I am hearing and reading some things from Lisa's book. I don't have the full picture, but I'm so bothered at the things I'm listening from people who read the book that I need to put it out. Those are just MY THOUGHTS. I'm not saying Priscilla felt this or that, I'm trying to understand the whole situation. I thought about if I should publish this or not, but I just had to put it out... this is killing me. We all feel so protective of Elvis and Lisa... Hearing about something like this happening is just a nightmare.

Now, somebody tell me, for the sake of God, how can someone know something like that is happening to their child and do nothing? Tell the guy to apologize? Seriously?! Priscilla was in a power position now. She could have thrown that fucking bastard in jail in a blink of an eye. WHY NOT TO DO IT THEN?

My God! If Elvis was alive back then and even imagined something like this was happening to his baby girl he would probably kill every damn person in the way until he got to Edwards - and that would be not only threat anymore, E would've killed him barehanded. LORD! I'm so sorry, so sorry for dear Lisa not having her dad there to protect her.

I'm trying to figure out what was in Priscilla's mind. Okay, Lisa was not an easy individual like most kids/teenagers aren't. I know I wasn't! But let a "step-dad" spank your child? Let him throw a tantrum at your young girl like he had any right to? Let him yell at her? I mean, this is firstly and foremost about what a fucking monster that Edwards guy is! That guy is disgusting, a fucking sicko! "That's how they do in Europe"???!!! Oh my God, I don't even have the words to put out how I feel right now.

Really, let's not talk about Elvis as if he was a savior tho. He should've taken better care of himself because he had a daughter to take care but let's not forget he was an addict (and also was physically ill, not only mentally). He was lost and needed help, but never found the kind of help he needed. He can't be blamed for dying because at the same time his mind probably would never imagine someone would have the guts to approach his child that sick disturbed way. I thought about the kind of thinking Elvis must've had when he near death... and he probably felt Lisa was safe with her mom.

But Priscilla? She was in a good state of mind, good enough to be a mom and protect her child, at least. Okay, a single mom, a young and beautiful woman who was thinking about her career and "recovering" from the "lost youth" being just someone's girlfriend/wife... but then, completely make your child feel like she wasn't wanted? Tell you teenager girl "who do you think you are?" Because those are the words Lisa used. I mean. MAN! If Elvis ever done a mistake is his life was bringing Priscilla from Germany. Lisa is no mistake - as a strong woman she made herself to be, a woman I highly admire, a loving mom, a bold artist - but she was just broken since an early age. And it's not exclusively because Elvis died, it's also because of the divorce before that and the tabloids harassment.

Priscilla always looked proud while saying how she was the strict parent and Elvis was the permissive one... Look at what the cold treatment she gave Lisa did to her! Had this young girl seen more love and tenderness, she maybe wouldn't have to endure such a hard life.

Now, there's many, many, many layers to this discussion.

Was Priscilla also traumatized with her childhood? Did she felt impotent as a parent, and with no one to turn to because every step she took could end up in the tabloids? (It did anyway) How can we begin to try to understand her cold and distant attitude towards her first child? Did she had some kind of postpartum depression that made her resent her daughter? I don't know. Maybe Priscilla severely needed help. Listening to little somethings from Lisa's memoir book I kinda have the same feeling I did when I read Priscilla's memoir. That she was bitter about Elvis, that she didn't forgave him for not being a good husband, that she was resentful of him, very very hurt... and somehow she threw that on Lisa, partially. Lisa says Priscilla treated her second child much better than her. That says something, doesn't it?

Like I said the other day, I can understand Priscilla in some levels... I'm a woman too, I can try to wear her shoes. But that thing about Michael Edwards just crushed me. Still I'm trying to understand.

Priscilla seems to have been frustrated with the life she figured she would have being Elvis' wife and having Elvis' kid, and when things turned out not as easy and dreamy as expected (and I don't blame her for picturing a life with the King as a fairy tale... anyone would imagine a life with the most handsome and famous rock star on earth and having his child would be so perfect!), when she saw things were not that dreamy Priscilla felt so frustrated that she just decided to let her heart go completely cold, you know?

It makes sense in my mind. Think about it... She just divorces Elvis and goes dating another guy without even caring for how he would look - concerning the damage that would make to his public image specially - and then letting horrible things happen to his (their) daughter as if "you're troubled, you shouldn't even have been born... just leave me alone" kind of vibes.

Again, those are just MY THOUGHTS. I'm not saying Priscilla felt this or that.

To be fair, we're talking about a Priscilla from over 40 years ago, not Priscilla today. People make mistakes because they're not in a good state of mind and then they get better and change. People are not just one thing or another, we are not just black or white... we come in shades of grey. Many different shades. Lisa also says in her book that she was able to find common ground with her mom later in their lives, that at some point she was able to connect with her better, specially after Lisa had her children, Priscilla's grandchildren. Apparently Priscilla was/is a great grandmother so we can imagine Lisa forgave her.

One thing is certain... We can't speak for other people, but it's strange the kind of decisions Priscilla made. Oh my... this book is causing a big damage to Priscilla's public image alright. If Elvis fans didn't like her, now much lesser.

Discussion is open, let's just try to be gentle and reasonable.

#elvis presley #lisa marie presley #Youtube

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kolbisneat · 10 months ago

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MONTHLY MEDIA: January 2024

I know folks say January feels like a long month but it kinda felt normal to me? I dunno. Anyway this is how I spent the last 31 days.

……….FILM……….

Asteroid City (2023) The artistry is top notch and spoke the loudest but I feel like I'll need to watch it a couple more times to take in the quieter voices. I can't tell if it's me or specifically this film, but it felt...sadder than Anderson's other work?

Saltburn (2023) A lot of false starts, or rather a lot of pivots from what I thought the movie would be. And then also a lot of false endings? I dunno. I found the whole thing...indulgent (take that for what it's worth). A lot of beautiful and memorable imagery.

Spice World (1997) Technically a New Year's Eve watch and a great way to wind down 2023. Truly a wild ride and so many great cameos. And for anyone who doesn't know the Spice Girls I actually think it'd be a pretty great introduction to them.

……….TELEVISION……….

Delicious in Dungeon (Episode 1.01 to 1.04) Digging this adaptation so far! If you haven't heard me ramble on about how great the manga series is, this is your chance to see if you dig the tone and concept.

Daisy Jones & The Six (Episode 1.01 to 1.10) Gotta love the Fleetwood Mac fanfic. Feels both familiar and wholly unique and the brief documentary-style character moments are a lot of fun too. I strive to be Warren the drummer.

Blue Eye Samurai (Episode 1.05 to 1.08) Really great season of television. The last episode stuck the landing in an unexpected way and while I didn't looooove it, I respect it. Still suffers slightly from "just wait til next season" but one misstep amongst a season of perfect steps is okay by me.

The Crown (Episode 6.07 to 6.10) Having not watched the rest of the series (outside of a few eps of the Diana-centred eps this season) I really found the finale...moving. Elizabeth and Philip really do feel like the end of an era.

……….YOUTUBE……….

This Candyman Makes a Wonka-Style Candy Feast | WIRED by Wired Certainly didn't realize how interested I'd be in the process of making candy, but here we are. Really great breakdown and watch it if for no other reason than to learn the backstory behind the "drops" in "lemon drops". VIDEO

How YouTubers Can Avoid Burnout by Extranet Shaquille While specifically talking about YouTubers, this succinctly captures my approach to working in the creative industry: push yourself but not for the sake of exponential growth. Any creative could benefit from hearing this alternative to those pushing the grind mindset. VIDEO

……….READING……….

Full House by Zeke Masters (Complete) Picked this up randomly at a thrift store and it didn't disappoint. Not quite as horny as I expected an "adult western" to be, but that's okay. An easy read and if I see more of "Zeke's" books I'll definitely pick them up.

There Is A Tide by Agatha Christie (Complete) Plenty of twists and I think it all played fair as everything Poirot revealed made me think "oh yeah that was mentioned earlier". Great introduction to Christie's work and excited to pick up more!

Ducks: Two Years in the Oil Sands by Kate Beaton (Complete) Heart-wrenching. Such a deeply personal reflection and perspective on Canada's relationship with oil and the people who take it from the ground. While the entire read is a blend of very fun and deeply sad, I found the written epilogue to contain the biggest gut punch. Should be required reading for anyone who drives a car.

Richard Stark's Parker: The Score by Darwyn Cooke (Complete) It's incredible just how cinematic Cooke's work is. So much style and substance with such little brushwork (and only two colours)! If you haven't read any of the Parker retellings then know each pretty much stands on its own and are all worth checking out.

Delicious in Dungeon Vol. 3 by Ryoko Kui (Complete) Really enjoying this reread while also catching the Netflix series! It's interesting to see the little details peppered in that really shows the whole thing was developed from the beginning. Go watch the show and if you like it well enough then the books are, as cliche as it is, even better.

……….AUDIO……….

God is Dead by Twin Temple (2023) Satanic doo whop? Heck yeah. Their first album was great but something about this follow-up really clicked for me. Maybe it's the the track "Be a Slut (Do What You Want)".

……….GAMING……….

Oz: A Fantasy Role-Playing Setting (Andrews McMeel Publishing) My Tuesday crew is knee-deep in Ozian politics. They're allied with a few different parties and many of those parties are in conflict with each other. Classic. Anyway you can read all about their antics here!

And that's it. See you in February!

#Monthly Media #Andrew Kolb #Kolbisneat

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jaegertango · 5 days ago

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I suppose I can give my thoughts on Arcane here. I will be biased because I didn't rewatch season 1 (as well as other knowledge bias I'll get into here), so take that with a grain of salt. Arcane Spoilers n all.

TL:DR - 9/10 series gets like a 7/10 from me because I can't handle change.

So, I have this odd relationship with Arcane and League of Legends the Video Game that I'm realizing is comparable to any other video game lore and its alternate media inclusions. Whether it's this series or WoW and its novels, there's this inclination I have that says "these two are the same." That might sound completely obvious, and for the majority of the time, it's not a thought that ever rears its head in my conscious. Why should it? Asking stupid questions nets stupid answers, and it just makes me feel like crap for considering it.

That being said, the knowledge of the video game that I definitely have spent more time learning things from sometimes does clash with things that this other media is trying to teach me.

This probably also sounds like an obvious statement, and maybe it's why I don't really like talking about it without feeling like a whiny bigot. Because I like Arcane, it tells a relatively mature tale of many different people, and does so in a believable, or at least respectful way. Arcane's well choreographed, beautifully-animated, and when it wants to make a point, does so in a profound way. I don't feel like any time spent watching it has felt wasted, and I would gladly recommend it to those who haven't watched it. But then we get to my personal caveats: my prior knowledge of what Arcane draws from, and the choices that it plays with. Normally, this comparison is made from book to the big screen, when a novel or even a set of novels gets to be directed and produced in a new, consumable way. You see what gets chosen, what gets left behind, what the director believes are the important parts to include, what their vision is of this description that says the same words in two different books, but could be brought to vision with utterly separate nuances. Arcane is "canon" in that what it says should be accepted as the truth. For all intents and purposes, it's absolutely deserving of that title, giving more brevity and gravitas to a set of characters that otherwise can only be defined by a summary of voice lines and emotes. I can't deny that there's more of a character to Arcane Jinx than any of the Borderlands Crazy Gril Ripoff that is Riot's first true spotlight champion.

So to overwrite this description that I knew first of a character with a more in-depth, albeit traumatized story is by no means a bad choice - and yet I still feel sad by it.

Arcane gets a lot of praise for ripping emotions from one's chest with its callous disregard for a happy ending. Indeed, there's nothing innately wrong with a story that plays with a cold indifference about needing to have a feel-good finale, because reality itself knows that's the truth of it. I wouldn't say I feel bad because the story itself wallows in its misery though (however much I feel that emotions of any large excess are as addictive as they can be poisonous). I feel bad because my prior knowledge almost feels wrong to know, like obtaining any idea of who some of these characters in Arcane were beforehand has damned what should be a true gut-wrenching experience for me. Rather than reveling in a tragic finale or reveal, it feels like the blow has been softened - not because I know what will happen, but because I have the wrong idea of a character that is now the false, incorrect side of them. Combined with the knowledge that characters that should be gone to the fabrics of reality are still very much existing in my previous knowledge, I'm left in a state that accepts Arcane as canon, but doesn't feel satisfied with it.

That's a pretty obnoxious thing to state. The story is really good, the characters are clearly better for being written in a series like Arcane, but knowing the things I know combined with the new direction being taken only makes me question more things as a result of my prior knowledge. Who makes Blitzcrank? Where does Urgot come out of Zaun if Noxus has been repelled? Is Teemo just the Spiderman of Bandle City? Arcane tries to answer this question with its multiverse explanation, but I reject it on the basis of what defines "canon."

If Canon is the true word, the one we have to say is defined by the creators themselves, that means it's the "main" storyline. There can be AUs, and Arcane sure does show such a thing is real. Marvel certainly won't ever shut up about its multiverse, but everything is still tied together by the universe the "canon" uses. If Arcane is canon, the implication is that Viktor, Jayce and Jinx are missing, and Heimer and Ambessa are completely dead. That's fine - but then you have the League universe, the one that I was lead to believe was actually canon. The implication here is that it's canon until Riot says it isn't - and I don't like that. Improve Singed's existence as a character all you want, looking back on any of the many, many other champions in the game almost feels like that until Riot puts out something that is not in League of Legends itself, you shouldn't get too attached.

It's a whiny sentiment to have, and overall doesn't impact the actual quality of Arcane, but it's still a vocal annoyance I have about it, and I hate that voicing it feels bad to do. Because in my heart, I know Arcane is worthy of every bit of praise it gets, and that qualm I have with it is a selfish part of me that holds onto knowledge that I feel deserves recognition.

Though I will still shamelessly call it a near-perfect series and not a perfect series because season 2 really wanted to play up a very artsy-fartsy music video every ten minutes. Leave the AMVs to the folks who need to feed their brainrot in a meaningful way, and not like I do, complaining about wanting to stress importance on main sources.

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jaywritesrps · 7 months ago

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As a fan of all three women, do you actually think this is another normal rs for sb (not including the woman part) cause I’ve never seen her like this before with any of her rs and I’ve followed her since oth. Now both her and ash are both sweet talkers, wax lyrical about all the best bits of their partners, you would never no anything is wrong- that why I don’t really care for the words that her and ashlyn speak cause their romantics they will always talk that way BUT their actions are the biggest difference for me, like how ashlyn acted around Ali the last few months was the biggest oh shit, there’s something bad happening and I’ve never seen Sophia like this before, basically living with ash, coming out super early, her parent approving, having her on her arm at events and her and ash with the pda, now some people will say it’s the honeymoon phase but these two have never overtly shown the level of pda that this couple has. When together their in there little own world.

Will it last who knows but I don’t think this two aren’t planning a future and have long term aspirations. I think they’ve both found someone who fits for their wants and needs

I am going to say something, please don't hit me, but I have seen her like this before, and it was with Chad when they were out to the public. Go to Pinterest and search for "Sophia Bush Chad Michael Murray".

Just look at this:

There's even a video of them buying his first truck and he says: I brought her cause she knows more about this than I do and you can see how excited she was to be there with him. The only difference is that we don't have as many social media as we have today back then. With Chad was also that quick, he also got along with her family, he also got along with her friends and you can watch here Chad asking the question to her and telling he asked her dad first (he was really good friends with her dad back then):

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I agree a lot with you about actions speaking louder than words, It's one of the reasons on why I keep quoting Exile from Taylor Swift: "I think I've seen this film before and I didn't like the ending", because so far, Ashlyn's actions haven't shown someone who is very willing to leave her comfort zone or to step outside of Sophia's shadow to do much, because it's easier for her to just stay there and enjoy what Sophia has to offer.

This issue of Sophia's parents (and by extension friends) It feels they kind of just leave it as it be in general because especially in this love life part, Sophia only does what she wishes for and It looks like she is kind of living her fantasy of the nerd who dates the school athlete so there's no point in saying anything, it's just nod and smile, and if bad things happen, give her support to mend her heart and that's it.

Regarding planning, I agree that it really doesn't seem like they are thinking much about the long term, just going with the flow, and this is dangerous because Ashlyn is a mother and has an ex who is very strict with her children and demands her presence not only in the financial part. You can't live in this bubble of just going with the flow with children involved, especially young children. That's why I say that eventually this will be an important issue for them because I doubt that Sophia will give up the issue of being a mother, just as I doubt that Ali will let Ashlyn give up her role as mother to Sloane and Ocean (although it seems that Ashlyn and Ocean are not as close as Sloane) and I also doubt that Ashlyn will want others (it sucks what I am going to say, cause I am basing this mostly by my gut feeling and gossip from the people from woso world, but she gives me "the fun dad" vibes, which is the type of parent who thinks that being present in the kid's life means that being with the kids on their custody's days, play with them, paying the alimony and posting stories on IG, anything beyond that is work for another mother or girlfriend and they are a great parent for doing the bare minimum.)

Let's just see what will happen.

#jay rants #krashinbush debacle #this is like soap opera to me right now

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ikahnik-gaming · 2 years ago

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Prerelease disappointments - Dead Island 2

Hey there, I'm Jace. Dead Island 2, the long-awaited sequel to Dead Island, is finally coming out on April 21, 2023. From what I've heard, that game has gone through production hell, with the original team moving on to Dying Light, and the game being developed by a new team after yet another team ditched it. That's usually a bad omen for any game. Fortunately, Dead Island 2 seems to have crawled out of the muck and risen above the mediocrity that we've come to expect from games with such complications during development. I'm very much looking forward to Dead Island 2, but there is some news about the game that has disappointed me. Thankfully, it’s a very short list. There’s only two concerns I have about Dead Island 2, and here they are.

Here’s the video if you prefer to watch:

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Exploration: For some people, the fact that the game is not open world could be considered a blessing. A linear world means better focus on story and more details in the environment. But to me, it's a disappointment. We don't think about games moving backwards but forward. And downgrading from the open world setting of the original Dead Island to the linear experience on dead island 2 sounds like a move backwards in my opinion. In Dead Island 1, you can almost go anywhere on the island as long as it wasn’t closed off for story purposes. Although in some cases, exploration was difficult in certain areas like the City because It was very easy to get overwhelmed by too many zombies. But that wasn’t a bad thing. It was what to expect when venturing out into a world full of infected zombies. That sense of insecurity, and that feeling of being overwhelmed was perfect and It made the game a fun sandbox to explore. Don’t get me wrong now, the open world concept wasn’t all good in the last game. There was a lack of meaningful rewards for exploration. Too often the gear you’d get from exploration was just another bat. But I was expecting Dead Island 2 to perfect that exploration and not gut it. For example the devs could have added meaningful instead of random loot throughout the map. But to take away that sense of exploration is a huge let down. To be fair, the devs explained that there will still be plenty of discoveries like weapons and side missions in those linear stages. But will it be the same? Is finding a new weapon like the bearclaw behind a locked door instead of stumbling on it in the open world better? I guess only time will tell.

Skill cards: My next disappointment is the new skill system. The previous Dead Island game had a skill tree for each of the four characters. Each skill tree had three branches that focused on either survival, combat, or the Fury ability. The new system is a skill Deck. Like a deck of Cards. And one of the devs described the system as “a collection of slots that represent all kinds of different abilities and you swap the cards in and out on the fly, however you want, whenever you want.” So in essence, the Card system is supposed to create a more flexible gameplay. But I can’t help feeling that this system is also a move in the wrong direction. Now I haven't played the demo like many lucky YouTubers, but from what I've heard, the player has to pick between a card that gives the ability to block versus another that gives the ability to dodge. Which raises the question as to why something so basic as being able to block is a skill? Seriously. I can understand something like a drop-kick being a skill card, but basic things like dodging shouldn’t be. Am I the only one who’s worried that the system will be shallow?

Anyway, like I’ve said, it’s a short list. These were my pre-released disappointments. Keep in mind that these are just my opinions and don't dictate whether the game will be fun or not. Although my list focuses on the disappointments, there are plenty of good things to look forward to in Dead Island 2. I'm especially looking forward to the flesh system that brings damage realism up a notch that we’ve never seen before. I'm looking forward to fighting with the plethora of weapons. Looking forward to playing the game in co-op. I'm looking forward to using environmental damage like fire and electricity to take out enemies. I’m looking forward to the light and less serious tone of this game. And I can't wait to meet and play with each of the protagonist characters. There’s also the fact that the game release was moved up by a week, which means that we will get our hands on it earlier than originally expected.

Anyways, these are some of my thoughts on Dead Island 2, focusing more on the couple of things that disappoint me so far. Let me know your thoughts in the comment. As always, like and subscribe if you haven't. It's free for you and does wonders for me. Peace.

#dead island 2 #dead island #gaming #video games #Youtube

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avenging-criminal-bones · 3 years ago

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After All This Time || Chapter Five

Aaron Hotchner x Reader

Word Count: 2,146

Chapter Summary: Anger. And harshness, maybe feelings. I haven't decided yet so I guess you'll have to just read to find out.

CHAPTER WARNINGS: angst?, asshat hotch again, sad feels

A/N: Guys, I'm like legitimately so sorry that this chapter took so long. It's not even that I've been all that busy. I definitely did go to California for two weeks, but after that I think I just got lazy? Had writer's block? I don't know. But New chapter is UP.

TAGLIST:

@kingofthetwats @wanniiieeee @uwu-sebastianstan @piggyinthesea @yoshigguk @thatisthemagic @errorcosplay67 @ivebeenthinkingboutu @big-galaxy-chaos @rynfoxsleeps @phoenixsnape1 @mojofun @pachiibatt @enjoymyloves @thenewnormalforensicator @word-scribbless @zezezena @chelseyjoyce @ellyhotchner @lora21 @flipperpenguins @illegal-brains @sunnysaysbookreviews @anti-zippy-snoot @kya-li

You come to eleven hours later, the first thing that you hear being the steady beep of a monitor.

The hospital.

It smells... white, the cleanness of it making you scrunch your nose. Still not having opened your eyes, you sense the brightness, almost making you not want to at all.

However, you knew how hospital visits work. When Reid was injured, the whole team was there waiting for him to wake up. With that push, that you had people waiting for you to wake up, you opened your eyes.

Everything was too bright at first. You felt your lips fall into a grimace and joked aloud, "You guys don't need to be so quiet, she lives."

There was no response, and as your vision cleared up, the wind was knocked out of you like a punch to the gut.

Empty.

The whole room was empty. Aside from you and the TV, there was no talking. There were no people.

For a moment you thought that you were dead. Or maybe dreaming, because who wakes up from a seemingly severe injury with no support system? With no friends.

You hear your heartbeat speed up before you feel it, but boy do you feel it when it hits.

The monitor must send an alert to the nurses' station or something because shortly after, a small, black-haired woman rushes into the room.

"Agent L/N? Are you alright, is there any-,"

"I just- where- did my- wh-where is my team?" The stutter surprised you and you sat up fast, not realizing how prominent the pain in your abdomen was until it was too late. You let out a soft gasp, but looked at the nurse to hear an answer.

"Oh, uh, honey... I asked as they left and the tall, broody one said that there was an emergency." She walked up to you and turned a dial on your IV machine, gently asking you to lay down again.

You complied, not fully paying attention. Your mind was somewhere else; thinking about the harshness of your team, but you had to assume that this was Hotchner's doing.

"You alright, sweetie," the kind nurse asks, her name is Monica.

You nod slowly, your head feeling a lot lighter than it had when you woke up. "Yeah. I'm okay. Um, before you go can you hand me my phone?"

She nods, looking at you for where, and you gesture to the bag that's slightly out of your reach. Monica hands you both the phone and its charger, pointing to an outlet on the wall behind your head.

Nodding in thanks, you plug the charger into the wall and watch the kind nurse leave before unlocking your phone. You see immediately that you have five missed calls from your mother, and after further searching, you notice messages from Emily, JJ, and Penelope. JJ's was the most recent, so you open hers first.

JJ (BAU) 43 minutes ago.

Hey Y/N, In case you wake up before we get back, Hotch called our debrief meeting, so we all went back to the precinct. Sorry, hon.

xoxo JJ and the Girls

You didn't register the tears until they were falling down your cheeks. You sighed a bit and replied to JJ's message with a short, 'got it'.

As soon as you pushed the 'send' button, the door to your room opened again and your entire team rushed in.

Well, most of the team.

Really, everyone except one person.

You were quick to wipe your eyes, trying to hide the fact that you had been crying. JJ walked to the chair beside your bed and sat down, giving you the most gentle hug as she did.

"Did you get my message? Are you feeling okay? Do you need a nurse, any water?"

"JJ, you're momming her," Derek joked as he bent to give you a hug. "For real though, you feelin' alright, lil mama?"

You nodded, sending him a tight-lipped smile as Emily walked over to the other side of your bed, bringing Penelope with her on a video call.

Spencer even came by, but he looked relatively uncomfortable and stayed by the door.

Waving at him a bit, you say, "You can come in you know. I won't bite."

"I know, Y/N. I was just worried. Statistically speaking, you survived on an off-chance. The ratio was close to 83:17, and the bullet entered your abdomen in-"

"I get it Spence. I should be dead," you pause slightly seeing everyone's wide-eyed look at your bluntness, "BUT I didn't die, so everyone can stop looking at my like I'm going to break and just settle." You chuckle a bit and sigh as you see the rest of the team besides Spencer nod their heads or visibly relax their shoulders.

"You're right, kiddo," Rossi says quietly, "You're okay, and we can celebrate that."

"Thanks, Rossi." Smiling, you lean into his hand, which was cradling the side of your face for a moment. "Can someone get Hotchner please? I had some words that I'd like to have him hear."

JJ places her hand on your arm then and says, "Y/N, maybe that's not the best idea right now."

"No," you shake your head and make eye contact with her, "That's exactly what I need right now."

"Y/N..."

"Spencer, can you go get him please? He's just sitting out in the lobby, correct?" You snap a little harsher than you meant to.

The boy stutters a bit, but eventually nods his head and walks out of the room. The rest of the team shares a look before also walking out, giving you space for when your boss comes in.

Sitting up straighter in the bed, you even your mouth into a thin line just as Hotchner walks in the room.

"Am I off the clock right now, sir?" You don't miss the way his eyes flash to your lips but you choose to ignore it.

He sighs and crosses his arms over his chest, "Say what you need to say, agent."

"Who the hell do you think you are? Calling the debrief not only at a time where one of the team members can't make it, but when the team member is in the hospital with a GSW wound." Your voice rises steadily as you continue talking, but you have more to say. "Not only that, but you couldn't even be bothered to make sure I was okay when the debrief was over?" Subconsciously, you recognize the switch from a third-person mindset to a personal one, but you pay it no mind.

"Agent L/N, you-"

"No. You will call me Y/N, and I will be calling you Aaron. We aren't on the clock right now and you don't deserve my professionalism," the heart monitor spikes in tempo, and you throw the blanket off of your lap.

He quirks an eyebrow at you as you command him, but nods his head slightly, letting you be in control for the moment. "Go ahead, Y/N. You get whatever irrational anger you have towards me out in the open and we can deal with the consequences later."

"I left EVERYTHING for this job, Aaron. I left my mom, who never stopped grieving a lost son, I left my job there thinking this would be better, and I lost friends and people who actually cared about my well-being. People who wouldn't leave one of their own in an unknown hospital to wake up by themself, not sure if they were even actually alive since there wasn't anyone with them." You saw Aaron flinch with everything that you listed, but you didn't care. He needed to hear it. "So yeah, Aaron. I get to be angry, and you don't get to tell me it's irrational, because this is the most rational I think I've been this entire year."

"Y/N. You put not only yourself, but me, and the rest of the team in danger yesterday. Excuse me if I don't want to see you and be around you while you're in the hospital." Really, if burned Aaron to his core that he couldn't reach over and tuck the stray piece of hair behind your ear, because right now that's what he wanted to do. Except it's inappropriate and he's not sure you'd let him within three feet of you.

"NO! You see, that's not how it works. Are you telling me that if you saw a little boy with a gun trained on them, you wouldn't have done the exact same thing?" Hot tears fill your eyes, but you don't wipe them. You almost hope that him seeing you cry will make him feel bad, if even just a little.

Glancing at the way his jaw was set and how he clenched his fists in his lap, you knew he was struggling to keep his cool, so of course you pushed harder.

"What if it was Jack, Aaron."

"Dammit, L/N, it wasn't Jack. It was just some boy that we couldn't save. We shouldn't have been able to save him. You didn't use the training you had, and you didn't use the rational part of your brain. As terrible as that sounds, and trust me, I never want to lose a victim, if you had used the training from the bureau, we wouldn't have saved him. " Aaron stands up and paces the length of the bed then, feeling your eyes following him the whole time.

You shake your head as you let your gaze fall to your lap. "I wasn't going to let him die again... I wouldn't have been able to live with myself."

Aaron's eyebrows furrow a bit and he looks at you with angry curiosity in his eyes, "Again? What do you mean by that?" That's when Hotch remembered earlier when you mentioned her mother who lost a son. "Y/N, did your brother... No. Actually, I'm sorry, just forget I said anything,"

There was a dark anger in your eyes as you shook your head. "No, Aaron. Ask me. Ask me this one question, and then reassess your profiling of me."

His gaze turned steely as he squared his shoulders again, showing no emotion in his voice as he spoke. He almost felt like the best way to approach you right now was as if you were the unsub.

"Was your brother murdered, Y/N?"

Dropping your head, you feel the tears burning in your eyes again and you nod. "He was only five. He had his whole life ahead of him. You'd think a child would be safe with a group of nuns or a priest, but no. Not even them. He was branded with a cross before he was killed and it's just unfair."

Aaron starts to walk closer to your bed, seeing the devolving pattern of your breathing, "Y/n, I'm so sorry, I-"

"No. Aaron, just, please go. I'll catch a flight home when I'm allowed to fly again, so you guys just go home and I'll figure it out. I mean, that's what I did when I was waking up by myself, right? Go ahead and fire me if you need to, suspend me, I don't care anymore, but I'll come back when the hospital says it's safe." You take a deep breath and watch as he turns away.

He gets all the way to the door before he turns back around and says, "What was his name."

"Joey."

Hotch nods and walks out of the door, remembering that the final victim, the one that you saved, was named Joseph.

After the encounter with Hotch you fell asleep. The heavy medication and the anger in your head knocked you out easily. You were asleep for a few hours, but you woke up when your pain medication wore off.

You noticed that your work phone had a few notifications, so you sat up a bit and looked through them.

There were two that stood out to you. The first one was a notification that read "Hotchner (Asshat) has added you to the group 'BAU Team'". The second was his message in that group chat.

Hotchner (Asshat) 2 hours ago

Hey team, change in plans. We will be staying here until Y/N gets cleared to fly. It should only be a couple of days and I know we were planning on flying out tonight. Sorry, Thanks.

As soon as you liked his message, your texts were blowing up from Emily. She was saying stuff about how "he totally likes you", and about, "you had a rough time on this case".

Also, apparently Derek saved all of his sarcasm for when Hotch got back, and the thought made you smile.

#criminal minds #aaron hotchner #hotch #hotch x reader #aaron hotchner x reader #criminal minds x reader #angst #sadness #talk of child death

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wastelandcth · 4 years ago

Text

In the Mountains - cth

summary: who would've thought hiking with the boys would have ended up being so eventful? as the fifth member of 5sos with a crush on a certain bass player, you’re about to find out.

author’s notes: thanks to @calumspupils for sending this request in! I hope you enjoy it!

masterlist || request

You didn't really know how you'd gotten to this point in your life. How you had ended up in a band with four people you'd give the world to, it all still seemed like a fever dream. Most mornings you'd wake up either on a tour bus or in a hotel room miles from home wondering if this was your real-life and it wasn't until you were sat at breakfast with your bandmates that you realized how grateful you were for the twists and turns that had led to your crazy life.

Some days you'd play shows and feel like you were on top of the world, rocking out on stage with your best friends. Some nights the views from the airplanes you'd grown used to being on took your breath away for so long you were afraid you'd actually imagined it all. That all the cameras flashing and fans screaming out lyrics you'd written with the four guys on stage next to you were a figment of your imagination and you'd wake up one day to find it all gone.

"Hey, I know you don't love hiking but...I'm sure we'll make it fun," Calum's voice rang out in the car, bringing you back to the moment at present, "And I'll be there to tell you all the jokes and point out cool rocks," he said with a wink.

Calum Hood. You'd turned your head to face him, the California sun was hitting his skin and making him glow. His bright smile adorning his face as the sunglasses he was wearing slid down his nose to reveal those brown eyes you'd fallen for. His soft voice and gentle teasing bringing warmth to your stomach that always seem to linger whenever you two were alone. It was something that you thought you'd kept to yourself, a little secret, but the comments online only left you a blushing mess.

If you were being honest, you'd been in love with Calum since the first months you'd spent with the band, getting to know each other and making sure you'd be a good fit into the group. those weeks had been filled with outings together where all five of you would spend hours on end telling stories about growing up and then laughing over how the internet blew up when they introduced you to their fanbase. But those few weeks were also spent trying your best to not make a fool of yourself in front of Calum, who seemed to always be at the right place whenever you stumbled or when your voice would crack while you were practicing alone.

You two had clicked instantly, both stuck to each other's hip as you took on the world. You'd write together, spending hours on a couch drafting out possible songs and humming along to tracks that had potential in matching the band's sound. You'd even become neighbors at one point when you'd first moved into the city to be closer for band work. He'd helped you move into the apartment next to his and you'd spent many weekends at each other's place, laughing over the awkward silences when you'd both caught each other glancing for a few seconds too long.

So you were in love with your bandmate, your best friend, with Calum Hood. How bad could it be?

Apparently, very bad. You and Calum had never been the subtle type and although you both pretty much knew there was more than friendship between you two, no one made a move to make it more. Ashton had asked you once when you two had gone out for lunch after a studio session.

"I just can't understand why you two haven't already gotten over it and got together. You'd thought about it, he's thought about it. Just do it," Ashton huffed, shaking his head as he watched you tense up and shake your head.

"The band is what's important, Ash. We can't let our feelings get in the way of fucking up what all five of us have created. He knows that and I do too," you'd replied, laughing quietly as Ashton only shook his head and mumbled something under his breath.

But Ashton was always one to try and make others happy in his own special way. And that's how you found yourself in the car with Calum on the way out of the city for a hike you were less than excited about. You knew Ashton was up to something when he'd texted the group saying that you and Calum would have to drive to the trail together since you wouldn't fit in his car with Luke, Mike, and their partners. As a form of payback, you'd purposefully told Calum to pick you up thirty minutes after the original time to make sure you were the last ones to get there because there was nothing more than Ashton hated than being late. And that's how you found yourself driving out of the city with Calum, lost in your own head over how beautiful he looked.

"Mhm, you always make things fun," you chuckled and winked back at him, "We're gonna need it especially now that we're late and Ashton will definitely kill us."

The hike had gone surprisingly good considering three of you were not the most athletics and Luke and Michael had constantly been racing seeing who could go the farthest faster. Ashton had tried his best to keep everyone on track until you and Calum had teased him about being the mom friend as he'd set up his phone on a rock to shoot an update video for fans to let them know about the band had been up to. It had all been going according to plan until you moved closer to Calum and twisted your ankle, ending up on the floor staring up at the blue sky.

"Oh my god, I'm going to die. Just leave me here to die because I'm not making it," you cried out, "This is the end of me!"

In a matter of seconds since your back had hit the ground, four familiar faces hovered above you, one of them looking more concerned than the others. The pain shot through your spine and down your leg, your eyes closing as you tried to stop the tears from falling down your cheeks. Soon enough you found yourself being lifted up from the ground and a warm body pressed against your back. You could hear all the guys fighting over what to do, which meant your ankle wasn't twisted backward since none of them had screamed or puked their guts out. Their voices all mumbled into one as you breathed through the pain and it wasn't until Calum's warm breath was hitting your ear that you felt yourself take a deep breath in and open your eyes.

"I'm gonna stay here with you until Ash and the others can get a ranger to bring a car or something like that, okay?" he mumbled softly, his hand rubbing at your back as he helped you sit back against a rock.

"Please don't let my leg fall off, I need it to run on stage and to kick Michael when he steals my food," you whined.

"That's not gonna happen, okay? I think you just twisted it and it's all going to be okay, sweet girl," Calum mumbled and kissed your forehead, "Promise."

The sun was still high in the sky by the time you started thinking Ashton had left you both in the desert. You'd both been sitting on the ground together, watching as your ankle grew and grew in size as the time passed by. The pain had dulled and your head was resting on his shoulder when your brain had started to think of the worst.

"You know, this wouldn't have happened if you were Australian. Us Aussies are known for our athleticism," Calum chuckled as he nudged your side with his elbow, "It's a well-known fact."

"I can do a better Australian accent than all four of you," you scoffed, rolling your eyes as you smacked his thigh, "And I can outrun pretty much all of you except Ash."

"Except right now."

"Calum Hood, I swear if you don't stop making fun of me-"

"What? Are you gonna hit me again? I dare you-"

You don't know what came over you. Maybe it was the heat of the sun beaming down on you both. Or maybe the fact that you were thirsty since Michael had taken the only backpack with water with him before you two realized it but Calum's lips looked very nice and it took no self-restraint for you to lean in and stop him mid-sentence.

"Maybe you should twist your ankle more often, huh?" Calum chuckled as you both pulled away, "Or bully you more often."

"Shut up and kiss me again, idiot," you laughed and pulled him back in for another kiss.

"Who knew all I had to do was get you two alone on a hiking trail for you to finally kiss, huh?" Ashton's chuckled made you both pull away, making you both look like a deer caught in headlights.

"Oh shut up, I'm never going on a hike with any of you again," you huffed and gratefully took the park ranger’s hand as he helped you on to what looked like a golf car.

It was a short trip back to the medical center, where they treated your very swollen ankle with ice while you downed all the water you could get your hands on. But you were grateful that Calum hadn't left your side once, his hand in yours as you squeezed it whenever you'd hit a bump or when the park ranger wrapped your ankle. His hand was still in yours as you both drove back to the city and it never left yours even when you both laid on the couch in his living room that night, drifting off in each other's company for once accepting that maybe, just maybe, this could be more than just stolen glances.

taglist: @hoodhoran @finelliine @moonlightcriess @dinosaursandsocks @mxgyver @calpops @karajaynetoday @notlukehemmo @calumrose @devilatmydoor @lyss-xo @lowkeyflop @hemmo1996-5sosvevo @myloverboyash @notinthesameguey

#calum hood blurbs #calum hood imagines #calum hood x reader #5sos imagines #5sos blurbs #5sos x reader #calum hood #5sos #5 seconds of summer #gemma writes

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ninjaslegosmains · 3 years ago

Text

Introduction post

Hi! I'm Tex. If you're looking for my Ninjago writing blog, you can find it Here

I'm autistic, disabled, and no longer a minor. Knowing this; minors feel free to block me if you wish.

I go by any gender and any pronouns, and currently don't fall under any sexualities. Call me or refer to me however you like.

I'm not revealing my assigned gender to anyone so please don't ask. It shouldn't matter if I'm afab or amab anyway, since I'm just...Tex. (serious)

Aside from that, I block easily so if I find people who are racist, homophobic, pedophilic, etc. reblogging from me or following me, I'll block and move on.

My OC list: Anya - From my Alien AU (favorite right now) April, May, June, and August - Ninjago Movie OCs Mystrey/Tree - Ninjago show OC Mark, Jade, Gwen, Azar, and Eve - Ninjago Future AU

To keep it short, if people want to talk to me, stuff you should know is below the cut, along with my tags.

Special Interests:

Stuff I'm REALLY into currently: Cats (Warriors series included), Ninjago, stuffed animals, collecting teeth (legally and normally), sorting and organizing, bugs, Centaurworld, and minecraft. Also dogs now because I have two puppies and I love feeding them whatever I can that's not poisonous.

Stuff I like/was into in the past: nature documentaries, cheese, Wordgirl, Wild Kratts, squeaky toys, gardening, Phineas and Ferb, Amphibia, Zita the Spacegirl, pretty much any disney movie, eating oxalis (some people call it sour grass or sour clover, but where I'm from we called it lemon clover because it was a clover that tasted like lemons. Anyway I loved freaking out other kids when I was younger.)

Stuff I know about because of friends and siblings: Transformers, Five nights a freddies, sonic the hedgehog, pokemon, superheroes like spiderman and bat man, undertale, maybe other stuff I'm forgetting.

Tone Indicators:

I only know /gen for genuine and /j for joking. For anything else like sarcasm or seriousness, just do (sarcasm) or /sarcasm. Spelling out the whole thing will do a lot more for me than putting just the first letter and assuming I know what word that goes with.

On my end, everything I say is meant to be said in a positive way. I'm not good with sarcasm so I don't use it when talking to other people. (For example, saying "that's cool" might sound like something sarcastic, but for me it's a genuine "wow I think that's super cool and I like it a lot but I'm a little tired so I'm shortening my thoughts into two words")

Anything outside of my positive stuff will also be said with /serious for posts I don't want people to joke with me about, /joking for things that could come off as mean (which if I don't notice please tell me about), and /platonic for stuff like "I love you" and stuff.

Don't Talk to me About or Show me (serious):

Maggots are a no talk, no show. In general, wormy things and parasites are something I've had literal nightmares over, where I wake up slapping myself to "get them off me". I had to go home once because there were maggots in the compost at work and it made me physically sick. It's probably from watching a horror movie about worms when I was really little, and I haven't been able to get over the fear.

Oceans are a can talk, no show. I have a fear of them, even the ones in video games. Coral reefs are okay as long as there isn't a lot of open ocean in the background. I don't know what it is about them, but just the openness of like huge oceans, or the darkness of the deep parts, and even kelp forests scare me. Coral reefs are the only safe thing I can look at, please don't try to show me anything else asking "is this okay though?"

Mutilation is a can talk, no show. I'm okay with scars and small wounds and injuries, but not the kind that's like guts on the wall or open bodies. I can talk about it, yeah, but seeing images of it makes me feel sick, and sometimes I can actually faintly feel it on my own body despite not knowing how it's supposed to feel.

If you try to talk to me about or show me these images on purpose without any warning I'm going to assume bad intentions from you and block you.

Tagging:

#Do not interact - don't reblog/reply/like my post (used for serious things or stuff I don't want to talk about or have passed around) #Can reply - is added to "do not interact" for posts people can talk to me about

#OC posting - posts about my OCs. After this tag it will have the name of the OC(s) being shown or talked about #Ninjago alien AU/Alien Ninjago AU - either way it's written, it's about an au I developed. A document is yet to be made about it #Overwhelmed AU - an AU by @master-of-fluff and I! You can ask either of us about it.

#Tex lore - talking about my past or stuff I learn about myself

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juminhandfs · 4 years ago

Text

Hantober Day 10

Choir Practice: Favorite song that reminds you of Jumin.

I made a playlist actually 👀

I went overboard and tried to include songs fitting of every significant moment of his life in chronological order, including the bad endings and even when he crashed Seven's car... ending with the Good Ending.

If you are going to listen to this I have to warn you, it has 2 songs that touch on the bad ending 2 and can be triggering for some people: Lullaby from The Cure which is more metaphorical and Prison Sex by Tool whose lyrics are very graphic. Listen at your own risk and take care.

But here I want to talk about the first song on the playlist that sorts of encapsulates Jumin's life and what meeting MC means to him.

The song I'm talking about is Lateralus, also from Tool, which has the particularity of relying heavily on the Fibonacci sequence both in the metric of the syllables and in the meaning of the song. This is a song about grow.

If you have never heard about the Fibonacci sequence, also known as The Golden Ratio, I recommend to you to watch all these videos on YouTube talking about it because is something super interesting!

Basically The Fibonacci sequence is the mathematic that you can find in the nature, which goes like this:

0+1 =

1+1= 2

2+1= 3

3+2= 5

5+3= 8

8+5= 13 and so on...

Theses numbers when put on a graphic look like this: a spiral

A grad student made a video about the Fibonacci in Lateralus for a project and there it's infinitely better explained of what can I do here, but sadly the video was taken down, what I could find is this same video from someone who reposted it.

youtube

I want to encourage you to watch it so you can understand better how the lyrics match with Jumin's life:

Black/ 0+ 1 =

then /+1 =

white are/ 2 + 1 =

all I see/ 3 + 2 =

in my infancy/ 5 + 3 = 8

This is like a perfect description of Jumin's life growing up and raised like a businessman, with no place to emotions and creativity

Red and yellow then came to be/ 8 - 3=

reaching out to me/ 5 - 2 =

Lets me see/ 3

Red and yellow could stand for V and Rika. They showed him another way for things to be: these are the colors more vibrant in the rainbow. Trough them Jumin got to experience friendship and love. And they "came came to him, reaching out to him" he didn't went looking out for them.

As below, so above and beyond, I imagine/ 13 - 5 =

Drawn beyond the lines of reason/ 8 - 3=

Push the envelope/ 5 -2 =

Watch it bend 3

Below, above, beyond: the lyrics are describing the dimensions of a box, that's the envelope to push made by "the lines of reason". Also note how the number of syllables were in crescendo, but now they are descending, why? What is stopping the spiral from growing? What is stopping Jumin? The answer is in the following chorus:

Over thinking, over analyzing separates the body from the mind

Withering my intuition, missing opportunities and I must

Feed my will to feel my moment drawing way outside the lines

Then we have the repetition of the same verses and the chorus + the following verses

There is (2)

so (1)

much (1)

more and (2)

beckons me (3)

to look through to these (5)

infinite possibilities (8)

The next verse marks the moment the song changes, it stops counting syllables and with it both the song and the lyrics go in an endless crescendo...

Feed my will to feel this moment

Urging me to cross the line

Reaching out to embrace the random

Reaching out to embrace whatever may come

A thing I haven't noticed, but I do now as I'm writing this is that the voice and the style of the singing also changes here. Up to this point was kinda robotic but here is really soft, in awe, you can feel the sincerity of the singer in his voice. If I had to parallel this moment in the song to one in Jumin's route it definitely would be when he tells you about his threads at 2 am. It's my favourite moment in the whole song, as I imagine Jumin saying those words:

I embrace my desire to

Feel the rhythm, to feel connected

Enough to step aside and weep like a widow

To feel inspired

To fathom the power

To witness the beauty

To bathe in the fountain

To swing on the spiral

Swing on the spiral

Of our divinity

And still be a human

With my feet upon the ground I lose myself

Between the sounds and open wide to suck it in

(He complained about the noise, remember the standing alone in an empty field? The noise is no longer noise, is "sounds" , "words have a meaning once they reach you"

I feel it move across my skin

(He didn't liked to be touched)

I'm reaching up and reaching out

(He is out of the box, or the cage?)

I'm reaching for the random or what ever will bewilder me

What ever will bewilder me

And following our will and wind we may just go where no one's been

We'll ride the spiral to the end and may just go where no one's been

Spiral out, keep going

Translation of all of this? Why I put it at the beginning of the playlist?

Well...

Because of the heavy trauma he received in his early years, Jumin had to rely on rationality and logic to conduct his life (V called him "scientist" and Rika said she wanted for him to find the perfect balance between emotions and logic). Thus ignoring emotions but also his inner intuition, his gut feeling. (Update after the dlc: Now we know the big part his mother also played in this)

Because Jumin's trauma is in direct relation to his body, Jumin tried to distance as far as he could from it and treating it as a machine ("separating the body from the mind"). He mentions how loose clothes make him uncomfortable "because he needs a constant restraint all the time" (if corsets for men were an item you can bet Jumin would wear one) which leads to his body speaking to him in the way of symptoms: this symptoms are the headaches, the numbness he says he feels in the dlc, the feeling of drowning, etc...

Basically, his body (wether by his emotions, gut feelings or directly through his headaches and mild-amnesia) is desperately trying to talk to him and Jumin is doing everything he can to not listen to it, because he isn't ready for it yet, because these are years and years of unspoken trauma trying to hit him at once (this is why therapy is important! Guys!) .

So Jumin rationalizes things: he must be having headaches because he ate something bad, or the temperature in the room is below 2 grades, and V must be distant because he is still grieving, not because he is hiding something, not for what Yoosung is telling everyone. And Yoosung is also grieving, so that's why he's acting like this.

And Rika was V's fiance, so he couldn't have feelings for her

All of this changes when he meets MC: first she doesn't treat him as a robot like everybody else, but as person with feelings and with a right to feel and express those feelings, and second and (maybe) more importantly: she doesn't allow him to project his own emotions onto her (as he did with Elizabeth) thus Jumin doesn't have any other option that confront his own emotions, to recognize those feelings as his own… and this scares him to death, but he has to do it if he wants to be with her.

And this, that this battle is for her and for a future with her, is what gives him strength.

Now, onto the song again, Jumin has to listen to his body to do this, he has to decipher what is trying to tell him "Why im feeling like this?" "Why I acted this way". There's another song, also from Tool ("Forty Six & 2") that goes deeper in this process Jumin has to do "I want to know what I've been hiding in my shadow (...) Listen to my muscle memory"

It can't be only raw emotion because that's the bad ending 2 (or he stealing Seven's car), both mind and body had to work together (or to say it in the words of the song, the body can't be keep separated from the mind) for the well being of the person. And if it's in the natural design of things to tend to expansion and growth, why we'll be different? This is to live riding the spiral: self awareness.

"Swing on the spiral

Of our divinity

And still be a human"

And the best part of all of these? Once this big rock is out the way?

Now he can allow himself to feel everything! Both the good and the bad, his love for MC, his friendship for the RFA, and by him now being better, he can also be a better, more honest friend to those he loves. And by being more honest, he can now help them to get on their feet again just as MC helped him, and accept help from them . Without fear.

"We'll ride the spiral to the end and may just go where no one's been"

And that's why I love this song and Jumin Han.

Note: So this didn't came out as I wanted :/ (that's why I couldn't post it like 1 month ago), but that's kinda of the point of the song I guess? 😅 Certain things can not be explained, only experienced and when you try to dissect them (overanalyzing) they lost something very important in the process. Even the same phenomenon doesn't guarantee the same experience for different individuals... But that's the good thing in the end 😅

How boring life would be if we all experienced the world in the same way...

#literally forcing myself to post this... why I'm so bad with words??#I hope the general idea is somehow clear?? anyway the beast... is done... Hantober is over! 😵#I did it!!#for you Juju!! 😭#mystic messenger #mysme #jumin han #mysme jumin #Hantober #hantober2020 #hantoberd10 #31daysjujuchallenge #jumin #my mysme analysis

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carrottuan93 · 4 years ago

Text

Haven’t met you yet | Mark

Masterlist (3/4) | part1 - part2 - part4

Starring: MK x You

Tags: Mark Tuan, Fluff, Destiny, Waiting, Christmas, Bookworm, Nerd, Love, Fate

Total WC: 2194

You nearly puked your guts out to the sight of Jackson sticking to Eunhee and hugging her like forever has been robbed from them. You failed to confide to your best friend about what happened to you in the last 24 hours. So as not to spoil their couple time together, you chose to not disturb them and just mingle with all the kids in the sweet treats section. You love kids so much you play Santa and distributed macarons to each one of them. As expected, most of your close friends and guests brought their own boyfriends, if not, their own husbands and it was a nice show to witness, with sarcasm aside. Thanks to Jackson’s little cousins, they keep you entertained with their bubbly personality.

“One with the kids, sure you’re missing the party in the adult section, no?” The sight of a guy clad in a formal white dress shirt, tucked in a black denim pants partnered with a classic chuck taylor, and a gray winter coat, welcomed your eyes. Guys who dress fashionably is such a head turner for you.

“Actually, they keep me company so I’m having fun to be honest.” You replied, feeling all the weird sensation cascading across your spine. You feel a bit nauseous whenever guys approach you. You don’t know if you even want to be with a guy right now, after your embarrassing experience last night.

“My cousins here are a bunch of nuisance, you’ll get tired of them soon.” He picked one matcha macaron from the aisle and took a bite of it. You observed his expression. A smile crept up to his face and you caught sight of Eunhee in a distant, gossiping to Jackson that you’re having a moment with his cousin. You certainly know that they’re mentally pairing you up already and you are growing nervous about the plans that they are possibly plotting behind your back.

“You like it? I bought them all the way from a café near my workplace that sells classic macarons just like the original ones from Paris.” He nodded in approval as you watch him took another piece, this time it’s strawberry. That’s your favorite flavor among the rest and you can really tell that the sweet tooth runs on Jackson’s bloodline by how his cousins, from the little chubby ones and the grown up beside you, munch on your favorite treat.

“I never really eat macarons, but you introduced me into it. You deserve a recognition, uhm?” He lifted his hand for a handshake. He doesn’t know your name yet so you took his hand and introduced yourself right away.

“It’s Y/n, Eunhee’s best friend. Thank you for the recognition by the way. Well, you come here with a date?” You’re mentally tiptoeing above the thin ice. It’s better to assume that this cute guy over here is already taken, I mean with his looks, he's totally a charmer, you thought to yourself.

“I didn’t bring anyone with me, so I assume you also come along on your own, no?” Green light. Okay, you need to calm down. This isn’t like any of your past blind dates but first meetups are usually nerve wracking and scary so you played the innocent heroine that you are and chose to just go with the flow seeing how Eunhee and Jackson are staring at you maliciously from Mark’s back, you know they were able to receive the death notes you are sending them via telepathy.

“That explains it.” It’s not that you had a thing with cute guys, but maybe you just discovered it right now. You can tell he’s a decent one, a cool and random Asian-American import from the west and maybe if you’re an ice cream, you already turned into liquid by the way he stares at you.

“I don’t know anything about you yet, but would you trust a complete stranger to celebrate your Christmas eve with? If you’re up for it, we’ll leave this party right away because I can tell that you’re going to get sick from all these couples outnumbering us.” Have you been a good girl this year? You didn’t include this guy on your Christmas list but Santa rewarded you without even asking for it.

“I’m putting my trust on you knowing that Jackson is a good guy so does his cousin. I'll sue him and he’ll answer for the damages and fines in case you failed to bring me back in good shape.” You both let out a hefty chuckle earning glares from your best friend and her boyfriend. You’ve decided to pursue your spontaneous trip with Mark and the next thing you know you’re already closing the front door upon your exit even before the two of them could react to your great and grand escape.

----

He took you on a ride away from the busy and bustling streets of Seoul. You're thrilled to find out that he actually brought you to Namsan Tower, the highest peak in the city. You're awed expression cannot suffice the picturesque panoramic scenery of Seoul unfolding in front of your very eyes when you entered the observatory on the top most floor. You were unable to talk all of a sudden and your heart is brimming with unexplained strings of emotion as you kept on taking pictures and videos of the breathtaking place that sent your eyes into a food coma.

"I only went to N tower once, or maybe twice but that was during the day and I have no idea that this is how it looks at night. It's a miss, nobody will be able to witness this scene on a Christmas eve the way we're seeing it right now." You forgot about your shameful episodes of last night's happenings and your worries disappeared in just an instant.

"I kind of paid for tonight's reservation when I arrived here in Korea a week ago, with the hopes of spending Christmas only to myself. Consider yourself lucky, you've managed to join me on this one-time event. Heck, the price I paid for is totally worth it. Come here and try this." He urged you to look on the telescope, and to your surprise, you're taking in every aspect of the city in a bird's eye perspective. Everything you look at is really stunning. Like you never really imagined that perfection exists for real until tonight and you're experiencing it with a random guy whom you've only met an hour ago. Your eyes met his and you wished you aren't redder than a rotten tomato for looking like a lost deer caught on a headlight.

"The view here is really pretty.” He gave you a smile, too charming for your own consumption.

“It really is.” He’s even prettier than the view. You can only sense your guy-o-meter raising for Mark. Good lord, is this a sign? Your mind is now ready to tick the ideal guy boxes on your list.

“We shouldn't keep this New York style pizza from waiting while it is hot.” He chuckled, like the cute kid that he is. There is something with his unique laugh that you really don’t mind hearing at all. Is he older than me? Please, I don’t want to date someone younger than me.

“Okay, sure kid.” You followed him as he sat on the ground in a dimly lit room radiating a romantic atmosphere under the starry and chilly skies of Seoul. This is not a date, but a friendly escape out of boredom planned by two single hearts on a Christmas eve. As if you’re two partners in crime, sitting on one of the highest skyscrapers in town, while sharing a box of pizza. It’s just that you aren’t Bonnie and neither he is your Clyde but you're loving the idea of him as someone whom you can rely on.

“I’m older than you, silly.” The sight of a wine bottle behind him caught your attention and wondered where it came from. He noticed you eyeing the prize so he did the honor and poured you a glass of wine while you’re devouring your slice of pizza. You never imagined that eating pizza is too romantic and one for the books.

“Any proof that you’re actually above 25? Cause you really look young. With that face, you can qualify for a student discount on public transports and still save money for your commute.” You want to make sure that he’s at least 5 years older than you. You prefer dating someone older than you because they always say that a guy's maturity is a year delayed for his age.

“Trust me, I just know. I’m old enough to buy a house and enter into casinos, I guess.” He gave you a wink and you felt a gush of strong wind blew your senses away. He’s totally a Romeo and you took a swig of wine while observing him secretly.

“So you’re a gambler? I might have been spending my time with some kind of a mafia leader and still have no clue about it.” He’s laughing at it again. I might have a talent with making cute guys laugh and that’s an asset I only discovered right now.

“What, no! But my dad is a big spender in casinos. My duty is to look out for him and take him home before he could even bet our fortune with his leisure. I could always hear him say ‘It has gotta be all or nothing’. He’s born for taking risks and maybe I got that gene from him that’s why.” He stretched his legs and sat like he’s on a photoshoot. He’s not a model but he can beat the professional ones even without the need for screening.

“What’s the biggest risk you’ve taken in your life so far?” You folded your legs as you watch him wonder with his eyes fixed on the ceiling. He poured a glass for himself and you noticed that he used the same glass that you drink on.

“I believe we’re taking risks everyday in our lives. The only difference is the distance of our leap towards taking or not taking chances at all. Like when you’re playing a game, everything starts with equal opportunities. It’s a race to the witch mountain. The first one to gamble takes it all. You gotta be the predator of every tournament and you gotta be the last one standing in a survival of the fittest. If you’re brave enough to take the earliest start, you can use that advantage to ace your end game. It’s all about timing and investing. Win or lose streak. There is no such thing as a grey area when it comes to taking risks. You don’t get to tie with anybody. Either you’ll win or lose. You just have to trust your instincts and roll your dice like everyday is your last day on earth. If I go for something, I go all in. No half-baked decisions. Because my father taught me that risks equates to rewards and I’m all up for the extremes of both worlds. That’s the one thing I’m best at. I know how to play the game nice and fair because I know how to measure the corners of a square and even the distance around the circle which is not visible to the naked eye. After all, he considers me as his lucky charm. That explains my presence to his endless casino nights. And he hardly ever loses if I’m with him. Sure, Pops are probably waiting for me at our doorstep in LA right now. Too bad, his son is on the other side of the world, taking his own risk of a lifetime.” You left with no words to say. He’s too deep, a food for the soul. Guys like him are the ones that can be displayed in museums. He’s a delicate art and nobody should be allowed to touch him but the curator. And you’d want to take that role.

“What if you lose? If you go all in and you lose everything all at once? Have you experienced it already?” you asked, admiring the tiny mole sitting under his left eye. You decided to take your second glass of wine.

“The best thing about losing is that you’ve tried. I don’t take failures as an excuse for not trying again and taking another risk the next day. If I lose, so what? That only means you’re brave because you grow stronger with every fall that you take. Like a bamboo tree, it only bends but it doesn’t break. Life is all about swimming against the current of uncertainties and finding yourself floating on top of your insecurities.” As if he’s summarizing all the lessons in life, you’d always want to go for the front seat. He’s a walking self-help book, and maybe Mark Manson’s book of ‘the subtle art of not giving a fuck’ would have to sit longer in my shelf for the meantime. I got a risk-taker author Mark, right here and I got nothing to worry about.

#marktuan #got7 #ahgase #mark #mark tuan #got7 mark #got7 marktuan #got7 fanfic #got7 fluff #got7 imagines #fluff #kpop #kpop fluff #fanfic #boyfriend #got7 jackson #jackson #got7jackson

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reminiscing-writer · 5 years ago

Text

Off The Deep End

warnings: kidnapping, violence, blood, crying, angst

“Wakey, wakey,” an eerie voice makes Spencer slowly regain consciousness, “Boy Genius.” The nickname caused chills to crawl up Spence’s spine.

“I know a way we can wake him more effectively.” A second voice boomed, from what seemed like further away.

“I told you, give me my hour with him, then he's all yours.” The first voice spoke. This voice was scratchier. And, upon opening his eyes, Spencer found that this voice also belonged to the man who had asked for directions earlier. The man who had baited him.

He had his back towards the agent. When he heard Spencer straighten himself up in the chair he was tied to, he quickly turned around. Eyes looking as predators to a prey.

“Hello, Spencer.” The man smiled. One may even say wholeheartedly, if circumstances were different. “Ace.” He stretched out his right hand, almost mockingly. “You seem a bit… tied up. We can save casualties for later.” Spencer simply gave him a deadpan stare.

“What do you want?” Spence didn't take his eyes off Ace. “And, why am I here?”

“It's been brought to my attention, that you, Spencer Reid,” Ace began pacing in front of his captive, “were a part of the Integrity operation.” Spencer replied with silence, “Your dear friend Jennifer Jerau was also a part of this undercover mission back in 2010. But, as you may recall, when we had previously taken her,” JJ’s name draws a response out of the fellow agent as he clenches his jaw, “she held out strong till she could no longer bare. She was a strong one.” Ace nodded to himself.

Stopping his pacing, he kneels before Spencer, “Since then and now, the password to those files have changed. And, it is to my knowledge, that you hold the new password.”

“I have no idea what you're talking about.” Spencer looked his captor in the eyes.

“I'm making this easy on you, Spencer.” Ace said with a tsk, “You tell me, and I let you free. You stall,” he turns over his shoulder to his fellow friend. He stood much taller than Ace. His build was large, and his exposed arms held many scars. “Griffin here asks you.”

Spencer's answer doesn't change, “I have no idea what you're asking from me.”

Ace motions Griffin over. The large man strides over, cracking his knuckles. “What is the password for the new integrity files?” He spoke clearly and with purpose.

Spencer tried his best not to show fear. But, as any sane person in said situation, he gulped hard and licked his chapped lips. “I told you guys,” he looked towards Ace, “I don't know.”

Before Spencer could even look back up towards Griffin, he saw a large first come hurling straight for his left cheek.

As the force of the punch causes Spencer's chair to slightly tilt to the right, Griffin grabs both arms of his chair, and leans in close to Spencer.

There's a metallic taste in Spencer's mouth. “Please, I'm serious! You've got the wrong guy!” He pleaded.

The only answer he got was yet another sucker punch to his right cheek. His head ring, and the inside of his right cheek stung. “What is the password?” Griffin spoke with force in every word.

Spencer simply shook his head with his eyes shut tightly, receiving yet another punch to the gut. The blood which had collected in his mouth automatically spilled out of the corners of his lips.

“Faster you spill the beans, the faster you're out of here.” Ace smirked from behind Griffin as Spencer groaned in pain.

The next hour consisted of the same events. Questions, followed by a lack of answers, which led to Spence eventually getting beaten black and blue.

The doctor was hunched over in the wooden chair which he’d been tied to. Eyes heavy and drooping, breathing scratchy. Every muscle and bone in his body ached.

Spencer looked up through his hooded eyes to see Ace walking towards him. He came close to his captive and grabbed a handful of his curly brown hair.

Spencer barely had enough energy to react. He blinks slowly, urging Ace to speak. Before he does, he pulls up a large black camera that's hanging around his neck.

Quickly snapping a photo of Spencer, a bright flash causing his eyes to see stars, Ace asks,. “Would you like to answer our question yet?”

With no reply from Spence, he smiles wide calling his accomplice back into the picture. “Let's get his wife's package ready, Griffin.”

At the mere mention of Amelia, Spencer's eyes shot open. He tries to sit up straight in his chair only to be held down by his shoulders. “It’ll be easier if you don't move around.” He heard Griffin say as he approached from the darkness.

Spencer's eyes widened as he saw the large man holding a glimmering butcher knife. “What are you guys- look, I'm serious! I don't know anything!” He started rambling, “Leave her out of thi-” his plea cut short as Ace shoved a dirty rag into Spencer's mouth muffling any sound to be made.

“He's probably okay, right?” Amelia asked nervously, playing with her brown locks.

“Yeah,” Morgan dismissed distractedly as he watched Penelope type away at her laptop. “He probably just got sidetracked about something.”

24 hours later, when Amelia nor anyone on the team had heard from Spencer, she had called Derek again. When his calls had gone to voicemail with no avail, he called Penelope and the duo went over to give Amelia company.

“You said you spoke to him around 3?” Garcia peeked up to Amelia from the tops of her floral frames.

“Yeah,” she nodded, “at like 2:45. He said he'd be home by 3:30.”

Garcia tipped and tapped away. She opened up surveillance footage from the previous day. Silence laced the young doctors' living room.

“Okay, so here it is. There's Hotch leaving.” She skips ahead a bit, “And, there's me and you,” she clicks her tongue and pulls the video further until the parking lot is empty. “Ah! There he is.” She sees Spencer on screen. Amelia quickly leans in closer to the screen in hope to see her husband.

The video plays and as the events unfold, Garcia loudly gasps, her eyes wide as saucers.

“W-who's that?” Amelia asked as she saw a hunched over white man speak with her husband. Quickly, a big van pulls up next to the two men, hiding the view from the camera. When the van pulls away, Spence and the stranger are gone.

“Wh-what… Derek?” Amelia stutters struggling to find words. She looks up at her equally worried friend.

“Morgan, what was that? Who were they?” Penelope questions quickly, her hands playing with the rings on her fingers. When Derek gives no reply, she calls for his attention, “Derek?”

His eyes dart from the laptop screen, to his colorful coworker, to his friend's worried wife. “I'm gonna go call Hotch.” He excuses himself into the kitchen.

It takes no more than half an hour for the entire team to gather at Spencer's apartment. The surveillance footage had been played and replayed over a dozen times. Amelia didn't want to watch it, but it was all that she had so she could see her husband.

“Garcia, any luck with the facial recognition software?” Aaron, the groups’ leader, asks.

“No,” Penelope shakes her head with a frown, “I'm trying to at least get an estimated height and weight. Maybe, that’d make it easier.”

Aaron nods, holding a fist up to his face and biting down on his knuckles. His eyes carefully watch Spencer's worried wife unable to sit still. Amelia gets up from her place on the couch and wipes her sweaty palms on the thighs of her jeans.

“I haven't even offered,” she spoke quickly, “sorry. Can I get you guys anything? Water, juice? Maybe, coffee?” She looks at everyone, not really holding eye contact with any of them.

Before the team could give a response, she quickly excuses herself into the kitchen.

“What are we thinking here, Hotch?” Morgan asks as soon as Amelia is out of earshot.

“Lots, but none of it is true, I hope.” His sharp eyes flash worry.

Emily is sitting on the couch, manspreading, her hands clasped between her knees. “People don't just kidnap Federal agents without reason, Hotch. If this is because-”

“We don't know that yet.” JJ quickly intervenes, staring out the apartment window in a daze, “And, until we do, I don't think it's fair to worry Amelia like that.”

“JJ is right.” Hotch agrees. He looks at his team. “For time being, all we can do is find another possible motive, and anything else we can on that man.”

Em whips her head towards the kitchen when she hears a soft sniffle. She looks up towards Aaron who gives a sympathetic nod. Getting up she heads into the kitchen, in hopes of comforting their friend.

“This is crazy,” Derek takes a sharp inhale, “I need a breather.” He shakes his head, rubbing his eyes with the palm of his hands. He grabs his jacket off the arm of the couch, and heads for the exit.

Opening the door, he's greeted by a large yellow envelope at the welcome mat. Picking it up, he flips it over to see it read ‘Mrs. Reid’ in messy handwriting.

He quickly turns back into the apartment, shutting the door behind him. “Weren't you just-” Jennifer begins questioning, only to be shushed by Derek. He puts a finger to his lips, and indicates none of the team make any noise for a minute.

He shows the group the new-found mail. Garcia takes it from his hands, only for it to be taken by Hotchner from her.

The team watches carefully as the team leader opens the envelope. They're all so engrossed in the mail, none of them realize that Emily and Amelia have emerged from the kitchen. Both girls stood quietly, not attracting any attention to themselves.

He pulls out a large paper. Upon seeing what's on it, he swallows hard, clenching his jaw. Morgan peels over, and snatches the paper away from him.

Amelia simply watches the men look at the page in horror. She slips out from Emily's hold, and calls for Derek's attention. “What is it?” She asks in fear of the answer.

The team all look over to her. “Take her inside.” Aaron orders Emily. She nods reaching for Amelia again, but she resists.

“No,” she moves away from the female agent, “Derek, what is that?” She asks her husband's best friend, motioning towards the page in his hand and the envelope in Hotchs’. When Morgan doesn't give an answer she moves closer to him.

He takes a small step back, and Aaron intervenes between the two. “Amelia, it's best if you listen to me, and go inside for a moment.” He speaks softly, holding her on either side of her arms. She avoids eye contact with him, knowing if she does look at him, she may be convinced to leave.

She shakes her head, “It's about Spence, isn't it?” She directs her voice to Morgan. He looks away from her. She quickly pushes past Aaron, and snatches the paper from Derek's fingers and runs to the corner of the room.

The team watches closely as she loudly gasps, hand covering her mouth. Her eyes quickly well with tears, and JJ goes close to comfort her.

JJ looks at the paper also, and shuts her lips tightly, looking away. Amelia, however, doesn't look away. She stares at the paper.

The picture. It was a large Polaroid of Spencer. His head was being held up by a hand. His face was cut, and bloodied and bruised. His lip was busted and although his body wasn't the main attraction of the photo, she could see his shirt had been torn, and even on his torso, there were bruises.

Amelia's knees buckle underneath her, and she falls into JJ’s arms, sobbing.

“Spence,” she cries, covering her face into her friends body, “he's- oh god.” She cries harder, her body trembling. JJ strokes her head, cooing her to calm down, her own eyes filled to the brim with tears.

Aaron and Derek both break away from the crying woman, and simultaneously look towards the center table at the yellow envelope. Emily catches their unsaid conversation and looks at the table also.

She reaches over, feeling something light in the paper envelope. The rustling of the mail catches Amelia's attention. She watches cautiously, holding her breath.

Emily simply flips the contents of the bag onto the table. A small ziploc baggie falls out with a small thud. The team and Amelia all slowly lean in closer to get a better look.

As soon as Amelia makes out the object on the table, she screams loudly, once again falling back into JJ, “Oh my god!” She instinctively pushes herself away from the table. Emily rushes to her side. All three woman huddle together, JJ and Emily holding tightly onto a screaming Amelia.

As Amelia is in hysterics, Garcia is sitting on the couch, unable to move. Her hands shaking and her face covered with rivers of tears. Derek sits beside her, holding her close, one arm around her, and one arm turning her face away. He kisses the top of her head.

Aaron remains the last standing, staring speechlessly at the contents on the table.

Staring back at him was a small ziploc bag, with about an inch of what looked to be Spencer's finger, and his wedding ring.

His finger remains bloody, and his wedding ring also covered in the crimson liquid

Tag team!

(Drop a comment if you also want to be tagged when the next park goes up!)

---------------

@twentysomethingloser92 @andiebeaword @dontshootmespence

#spenced reid imagine #spencer x reader #off the deep end #og story #reid and amelia #criminal minds #spencer reid angst #reid angst #reid kidnapped

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glass-expanse · 4 years ago

Text

This is something like the first time in three weeks I've actually checked my social media. I'll tell you something-- living without social media is liberating.

Nothing ever really changes on these sites. Not really. Popping back on them, it just feels like everything's the same. All the people are making the same sorts of posts, with the minor differences in hyperfixations. All the Instagram stories are still basically the same. No one has anything productive to say on Facebook-- although there was one post that I wish I had the guts to tag my best guy friend in XD it was very much him.

Overall, though, I don't feel like it has added anything to my day. If anything, I think it subtracted from the value of my morning.

Since I dropped social media, my depression has gotten better. I've been reading 4 chapters of the Bible a day and writing in my journal every two or three days. I've begun a search for a second job.

I've been talking more with friends via text and even a couple phone calls. I feel more connected, more in tune with life, than before. And it's not always perfect. Sometimes I feel more zoned out than others. And I still haven't properly cleaned my room. But you know, that's alright.

Some days I still feel stuck. Although I have decided on welding school and have a plan to earn money for the tuition and supplies, I feel a bit in an odd spot. I haven't made any progress on a second job in a couple weeks... The last progress I made was getting the understanding and support of my best guy friend. (He's honestly a financial genius and I have loads of stuff to learn from him so that was a pretty big thing.) I don't feel like I'm actively moving towards a big part of my goal though. I mean sure I'm working most days of the week, but I haven't gone through with further investigation of any job opportunities.

I guess one thing I wish is that I were less exhausted on days off so that I could tackle things more easily. Even eating right is a huge struggle right now. I have essentially dropped the idea of inktober and NaNoWriMo this year in favor of working harder on getting the money I need.

And then we have Sundays. I visited a church near my home for the first time a few weeks ago. I went there two Sundays before work began to start at 10:30 again. It kind of makes me sad to think I can't go to church. I know people who go there, but that's not even the most of the reason I miss going... The sermons are great and really feel spiritually refreshing.

I've begun to question what a Sabbath really means. Because ultimately on my days off I'm only sleeping and struggling to eat well and wishing I could go hang out with my friends (although now that I have a driver's license and a freeway worthy vehicle (2010 RAV4) that should be easier). I'm not devoting those days to worshipping God or anything.

I'd like to start maybe a Monday morning Bible study with my best gal friend, maybe at the Tim Hortons the next city over. But I haven't brought it up or anything yet. At least it would be a start.

But yeah overall I feel like I'm beginning to really desire more time with God even when I feel so washed out that I can barely do my daily Bible reading. So that's a good thing and also a little bit of a bad thing because I haven't really done anything to move closer to ANY sort of goals. Not Jesus goals, not job goals.

So while cutting out social media altogether has definitely had a positive impact, it's not doing all the work haha. If anything, I feel like I've been awakened to a new state of being-- one not trapped to endless scrolling. I may still look up a ton of stuff on Google and read a lot more articles than usual... And I may watch YouTube videos a bit more frequently... But overall I've been quite pleased with the decrease in meaningless time on my phone.

I'm looking forward to whatever my next step in faith will be. I just know that I don't think social media will have a part in it.

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sociallyawkward--fics · 4 years ago

Note

hi !! idk how long its been (awhile) but long enough that i have scrolling through ur posts that i haven't read bc i don't have an attention span -H (ok but how long has it been i can't tell android mobile doesn't show dates(???) so i can't tell idk how far back to think back in terms of talking abt stuff but neway) (the last ask i sent in was abt the witcher right how long ago was that it seems not that long ago but also forever ago at the same time)

oh yea abt the witcher u said it was on netflix so if i watched it without any other knowledge id be fine right -H (like,, i assume so(??) but i just wanted to check or smth idk)

but !!! neway !!! idk what to say uhhh bts came out with a new song, your eyes tell, for,, a japanese show or smth& its so pretty like

i kinda made a promise with myself not to get into any other groups until i could understand their korean but i also forgot i made that promise until like 2 days ago so for the last week ive been getting into stray kids ! now the next asks will be me rambling abt them just bc. before i got interested in their music the only thing i knew abt them was they did an ok boomer song called gone days they dont actually say ok boomer but it amounts to the same thing& i think that's very iconic of them -H

one of the members felix is apparently bi so !!!! i love him !!!! -H (he never explicitly said it but someone asked what his ideal type was& he asked if they meant for boys or girls& then described both so) (i mean he also might not be i don't wanna assume or anything so im just kinda sitting here& quietly believing while also not at the same time yknow) (also he's so so pretty !!! u could just search up felix stray kids rq& see but he has freckles !! excuse me while i cry !!!!)

theres also chan& i love him !!!! hes got that gives rly good hugs vibe so my only goal in life is for him to hug me pls chan ily. he was recently doing a live& someone asked him what they should do bc theyre on their period or smth& he said "ppl with periods" rather than just "girls" which was !! so nice& inclusive im crying !! -H (also him& felix r from australia so they speak fluent english so this isnt a rough translation or anything !!its just what he said i would die for him !!)

oh !!!!! short pause in my skz rambling bc i forgot to tell u that i cut my hair !!!!!! its like a pixie cut so its rly short& i love it so much !!!!!! now all i need to do is redye it& nobody will ever think im straight again -H (i noticed ive been using a lot of exclamation marks this time around& i have no idea why that is skdjdh)

yea so stray kids,,,,, they have a performance video for their song boxer& i !! love it !! idk smth abt their dance for it is so like,, bouncy& it's rly fun to watch felix does this spin kick idk what it's called but it's cool as hell. jisungs mannerisms r also amazing& i love changbin there's a part wheres he's in the middle& it's Esp Bouncy& the way he says boxer is so cool felixs is cooler but it's still cool idk i just like the video a lot -H

uhh thats another thing ud need to watch to understand but u dont have to& thats not gonna stop me neway !!!! theres another song i am you where changbin says smth that roughly translates to "its too cold outside to be alone by myself / its warm here, maybe bc ur here"& in the mv the camera zooms out& u see that hes laying with the other members every time i see it i feel like im being punched in the gut bc thats so cute ???? thats so soft wtf is that even allowed ???? pls i love them -H

anyway that concludes my session of infodumping stay tuned later for more of my rambling uhhhh bye ily -H

---------------------------------

I also have no clue how long it’s been because I have NO sense of time lol, so don’t worry about it. I’m just happy to hear from you whenever you come around!!

And yes, you can watch Witcher without ANY background knowledge! Just jump right into the show! That’s what I did lol, I’m only getting into the books and games because I started hyperfixating very strongly, lol. It’s not, like, a requirement, I just really enjoy them (and really any Witcher content lol), so I decided to get into them. But yeah, no background knowledge needed, if you wanna get into it!

That is very iconic of them lol, love that for them. I think I’ve heard of Stray Kids before? But I don’t know much K-pop, I really only know BTS because my younger sibling is really into their music (and I know more about them from you, of course, but I knew about BTS beforehand because of my sibling lol)

I looked up Felix, and yes he is very pretty! But it said “Australian Rapper” on google instead of his band name and that made me laugh lol. And that is very good of Chan!! They both sound very cool, and I hope one day you can hug them!!

Nice nice about the haircut, that is very cool!! What color are you gonna dye it, have you decided yet? I can’t remember what color you had before lol

The bouncy dance song sounds very cool!! I might look it up when I get to my earbuds, if I can remember to! Also, that is very soft and cute, also it’s a mood lol. Me with my friends, honestly. I miss my friends so much. How have you been doing in lockdown? I hope you’ve been doing okay!!

I love your infodumping every time, thank you for sharing with me! I love you too!! Thanks for brightening my day!! <3 <3 <3

#ask #anon #H anon

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lareinenoir · 5 years ago

Text

•Its Enough• PT II

Loki × Reader

⚠ WARNING ⚠ FLUFF, MAKING OUT, SUGGESTIVE CONTENT/LANGUAGE, RARE SWEARING, MAY BE SENSITIVE TO SOME READERS

A/N: Hope you guys like this. Idk how many words. If you haven't read PT one, then go to the magnifying glass and type, loki x reader. No cap tho, I was kinda horny while writing some of this🙈. To much information? Yeah? Ok...Imma just go and let you read. Byeeee 🤗

*****

"Brother? What are you doing up?" Asks Thor walking into the kitchen.

It was rather early in the morning and Thor was always the first one awake in the tower. Loki living there was only temporary. The rest of the avengers weren't truly convinced he had changed, so he and Y/N lived in the tower. Where all eyes were on him.

"Trying to make Y/N her favorite breakfast. She likes pancakes and orange juice.

"Has she tried a delicious poptart. I care for the strawberry and shocolate milkashake."

"Thor, that seems to be the only thing you talk about. Im sorry, but Y/N will not be feasting on Tart pops." Said Loki rolling his eyes "It looks more like a dessert then breakfast."

"Poptart."

"Thats what I said. Tart pops." Loki replied rolling his eyes.

"The midgardians do love their pastries and concentrated food." He nods "Speaking of, have you seen the poptarts? At all?"

Loki wasn't going to entertain this anymore. A little part of him was stressed as he continued to make eggs. He was very focused on that. The where abouts of Thor's precious poptarts was the least of his concerns.

"I'd like to inform you all that Miss. L/N is approaching the door." Said J.A.R.V.I.S

Soon there was a knock and Loki scrambled to make sure everything was perfect. Thor was still scrounging through the cabinets, looking for pop tarts as Loki scrambled to get the door.

"Morning." She waved, but was greeted by a kiss. "Wow. That was very very pleasant." Y/N blushed "Do it again?"

Loki chuckled and spun her around, kissing her hand. "I haven't had the honor of staring at your face in a long time."

"You saw me last night. I face timed you remember?" Y/N giggles standing on her tip toes, kissing his chin.

"I remember how strange it was. That magic box was showing me your face and I could hear you almost so clearly. Like you were right in front of me." He sighed looking down at her face "And you said it wasn't sorcery."

"It isn't." Y/N laughed "That 'magic box' is called an IPhone." She replied using air quotes "Its how we communicate. The technology here is very advanced. You can face time, call, text, watch videos from all over the world. All at your fingertips."

"You know where else I wish was my fingertips were, pet?" He asks with a sly grin, making Y/N cover her mouth to hide how much her cheeks hurt from heat rising to them.

It was meant to be amusing, but Y/N was quite shy about the topic. She didn't really know what to say when Loki would talk like that. Y/N wasn't really experienced.

"Speaking of the magic box, I found a vizio on the Jue tube and have a little surprise for you."

"Oh? A surprise? And its video, Loki. YouTube, not Jue tube."

Taking his hand, Y/N was walked into the kitchen and was greeted by all the avengers. "Morning everyone!" She said

They all responded and she couldn't help but look back at Loki. He didn't look to happy. "May we join you for breakfast?"

"Yeah." Nodded Pepper who was chowing down on pancakes. "Their isn't any syrup, Tony never put it on the list."

"I will pick some up later." Tony nods "J.A.R.V.I.S, add syrup to the shopping list."

"And Orange Juice." Bruce shouts

"Am I the only one here who enjoys apple juice rather than Orange?" Asks Natasha

"Yes!" All the avengers nod

"Y/N which one do you prefer?" Asks the captain, gulping down some of the orange juice.

"I like orange juice too. Sorry, Nat." Y/N giggles "What about you, Loki?"

But he was angry. The tight line on his lips, his eyebrows sewn together made everyone look very surprised. "You imbeciles!" He shouts "This was breakfast made for Y/N. Not you!"

"Loki-"

"I made breakfast for Y/N! You savages are stuffing your face, and wonder why you have such a big gut!"

"Just to let you know, I didn't eat anything. I'm looking for the poptarts." Thor says "Keep your anger towards them."

"Enough! One more time I have to hear about those ghastly pastries, Tart Pops I'll drive my dagger through your chest!" He finishes shouting, then knocking over a vase and storming out.

"Loki! Wait-"

The avengers, one by one, stood up. They felt a little bad but the captain made his way over to her. "I am sorry about the breakfast."

"I'll go talk to him. Maybe calm him down a bit." She answers back going after Loki.

Y/N hadn't really seen Loki get angry, but there hasn't really been anything to get angry over. Calling his name again, Y/N sees him pouting.

Pouting.

What an odd sight...

It was kind of amusing to see the god of mischief pouting like a child.

"I can't believe you made breakfast for me." She cooes sitting down on the edge of his bed. Taking a hold of his pale hands, Y/N laced them with hers and kissed them softly. "It was really sweet of you."

Loki felt her head lean on his shoulder and he sighed. "You didn't even get to eat it." He replied "I should go back there and turn them all into rats."

"But you won't." Giggled Y/N "Its the thought that counts."

"Maybe I could have the chance to make you breakfast again, pet."

"Sure. If that will flip that silly frown upside down." She says laying kisses on his cheek.

"I'm sorry what? Upside down frown?" He questions "I must sound really incompetent. Do explain."

Rolling her eyes, Y/N looked at him. "A frown upside down is a smile. I think I'll keep the metaphors to a minimum."

"Right." He nods bringing her forehead to his. "You're absolutely ravishing." Loki mutters, putting his lips on her nose. "I've been stuck in this place all weekend. I think Monday is my favorite day."

"Is that so?" She giggles pushing him onto the bed, straddling his waste.

"Quite." He nods as she lays kisses along his neck. A soft moan, leaves his throat. "Stark complains about Monday all the time. Besides, It's the only day you don't have to work and I have you all to my self."

"Then. I. Am. A. Lucky. Girl." She winked in between kisses, pulling his shirt from over his head, throwing it to the side. "You actually look really good in our clothes." Y/N commented, pulling off her own, top. "Very...sexy."

"I like that word." He chuckled, rubbing his lips together. "It's another way to say-" Y/N didn't let him finish. She crushes her lips to his, slipping her tongue into his mouth. Of course Loki knew of this kiss, putting it into practice was the best part.

The two liked to battle as there tongues grazed each others mouths, searching for something and how tight Loki's grip got around her body, made it even better.

Moaning into each others mouths made Loki pull back to see her swollen lips. He pecked it a bit and felt her run her fingers through his jet black hair, with sly little smirks smeared equally upon their faces.

"You my dear pet," says Loki, reaching for the back of her bra to unhook it. "are positively the most beautiful thing I have ever laid my eyes on." He whispers in her ear, giving Y/N chills down her back, as Loki tosses her bra to the side of the bed.

"Tell me more." She said back, not just the cool air making her nipples perk up and get hard, along with the man just below her pants.

Loki loved whispering things to Y/N. He loved how the little goosebumps trailed up her arms, neck, back made her moan his name beggingly.

"Hey Loki!" Said Bruce barging in "Have you seen the toaster? J.A.R.V.I.S said you were having trouble with-"

"OH MY GOSH!" Y/N screamed getting off Loki to grab a pillow to cover herself. "WHAT THE HELL! DON'T YOU KNOCK!"

"What's going on in here?" Asks Steve walking in too

Soon everyone was in the room shouting at each other. Everyone very confused about what was happening.

"HOLD ON A SEC!" Tony shouts, louder than everyone and that grabs their attention. "What the hell is going on."

"I was just asking about the toaster for Thor's poptarts. Clint thought it'd be a good idea to introduce him to the heated version."

"And that gave you the right to just barge in?" Asks Y/N still a bit upset, but laughing at the same time. "Unbelievable."

"You all grown more irritating by the second." Loki says between his teeth

"Why don't we give them their privacy." Wanda suggests. Natasha nodding her head agreeing.

"What about the toaster?" Asks Thor "I'd very much like to try-"

"Forget about it, buddy." Clint answered back, ushering everyone out.

"Finally." Sighed Y/N, hearing the door shut. Her sneaky smirk returning.

"I thought they'd never leave." He yanks her arms, back onto the bed. A littls squeal escapes and they just laugh, kissing each other inbetween. Loki now settled, somewhat, inbetween her legs.

"Hey guys." The door swings open again.

"DAMNIT TONY!" Yelled Y/N getting more annoyed. He had his hands over his eyes.

"I'm not a peeker." He says reaching into his pocket. With a swift motion, he tossed a little package their way.

"Really Tony!" She sighed but also laughing at it, and Loki couldn't help but do it too. "A condom?"

"Stay safe kids." He then exits the room

"Don't worry, we'll put this to some good use." Whispers Loki into Y/N ear

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punkscowardschampions · 6 years ago

Text

Rio & Buster

Rio: This is dire Rio: but effective contraception, like Buster: Swap with me Buster: I know my mum wants that lesson drilled into me, like Rio: Happily, Indie is so gutted she weren't allowed to be on team lads lads lads today Buster: I bet Buster: Never been more buzzing to be one Rio: That's saying something, you were such a baby misogynist Buster: Shut up Buster: I'm already mad at you Rio: Bringing it back for the day are we? Buster: Might do Buster: 😂 Rio: Rude Rio: What did I do to you, except let Indie borrow your shirt soz about it Buster: Her wearing my clothes instead of you ain't how I want it Buster: You had the perfect excuse, babe Rio: She was in need Rio: I had too many choices Buster: Well, me too Buster: Of seeing you in my shirt and nothing else Rio: There's always later, babe Rio: When I get it off you, like Buster: Great compromise, babe Buster: I like how you're thinking Rio: Got nothing but time here Rio: It's seriously awkward Rio: thank fuck for the kids for distraction Buster: And you've always got me Buster: Christ knows you distracted me with the outfit you did choose Rio: 💗 Awh baby Buster: You look so good Buster: We should go out later Rio: Please Rio: Gotta salvage this look and day Buster: I wanna make the most of every minute I've got left with you before I have to go back for school again Rio: Same Rio: Final stretch now though Buster: Yeah Buster: Thank fuck Rio: Family functions are so boring without you Buster: Come to the pub, seriously Buster: Janis is loving it Rio: I wish, there isn't enough of a party amotsphere here to slip outta Rio: gotta do my part Rio: she's loving life by default for dashing that matching sequin moment Buster: 😂 Buster: I can't say the same 'cause granddad is likewise feeling it and there's a proper party mood Buster: off Nan's leash like Rio: 😂 Rio: dont get used to it like, if a bitch refuses the dress code she can leave early, like Buster: Has she actually? I thought he was joking Rio: 'Course Rio: the silent protest we all needed Buster: I could've sorted her out as well Buster: But you know it could be worse Buster: If the booze was flowing there like it is here, especially Rio: I'd love to see you offer 😂 Rio: Yeah, apart from Indie we all being very reserved for that reason Rio: can't live the cliche of this ending in a brawl Buster: I'll drop her a text right now Buster: It ain't too late, yeah? Rio: She gonna fight you and Grandad when she get there Rio: You're funny Buster: I need the practice Buster: I haven't been to the gym enough this hol Rio: Could've fooled me Rio: 😍 Buster: You're cute Buster: I miss you Rio: I miss you more Rio: I might go get a drink Buster: A drink or a drink? Rio: Oh don't, we've played enough cringey games today Rio: a drink drink Buster: Cheers then Buster: I can't tell you not to, 'cause I'm well on it Rio: 🥂 Buster: I reckon you've got competition for the shirt off my back by the way Buster: Pablo is eyeing every label Rio: Yeah watch him fr Rio: also glad that's what you meant 'bout to go 👀 on you 0-100 like Buster: What can I say? I may have deliberately phrased it how I did Rio: 😒 Buster: Don't be mad, you know I like it when you get like that about me Rio: If you like it then lemme be mad 😜 Rio: can't have it both ways baby Buster: As long as you're not properly mad Buster: You're having a shit enough day, like Rio: Nah, I'm good Rio: though I can't convince your Sister to drink with me Rio: in bad company, like, Drew is gone Buster: It's probably for the best that she won't, fun as a drunk Nance sounds, she might go harder than Nan in changing the mood Buster: I'm sure Indie would though, nobody wants to be at that thing less than she does, right? Buster: Except Drew maybe Rio: My dastardly plan, obvs Rio: draws the line at calling you out, clearly 🙄 Rio: Guess so but not really tryna get her crossfaded like I'm him Buster: Standard Buster: The 🚬 will wear off well fast though, especially if she got it from Drew, like Rio: [Sends Indie's snap] Rio: She ain't playing Rio: had to hide 'em in my bag like the meanest bitch ever 'cos the kids nearly got hold Buster: She ain't thought that through Buster: Clearly not thinking though so Buster: Did she hear from that lad yet? Rio: Yeah, other day, like Rio: He's a twat but she was pretty buzzin' Rio: what can you do Buster: 🥊 him Rio: It ain't him I need to keep away Rio: she's gotta get over it herself, like Buster: Don't act like it wouldn't feel good still Rio: Obviously Rio: I gotta be the good guy tho 😇 so when it goes tits, she's not gotta hate on me instead, like Buster: Yeah Buster: But I won't tell, babe Buster: You can be as bad as you want with me Rio: Yeah? Rio: That's good 'cos I've already got a surprise for you later Buster: Yeah? Buster: Do I get any spoilers? Rio: It's pink Buster: In theme Buster: Nicely done Rio: Knew you'd like it Buster: I'm trying to think what you're planning Buster: Excuse me lads Rio: Yeah, don't make it a pub quiz tah 😏 Buster: 😂 Rio: I told you I had too many outfit options Buster: Behave Buster: You're gonna make me blush Buster: Keeping it pink, like but Rio: You're so fucking cute Rio: but okay, save your blushes babe Buster: How long for? When can we leave Buster: I want to be with you now Rio: Patience Rio: You said you'd take me out first Buster: I will Buster: But I can still take you up against a wall when we are, can't I Rio: Who are you if you don't, like Rio: gotta make my day somehow Buster: Think about how I'm gonna make you feel, that'll be a start Rio: It's helping Rio: can't get too happy like, start looking outta place Buster: I'm sure you can find some privacy somewhere Buster: You're a smart girl Rio: Yeah but can you? Or are you gonna sit there and have me like it ain't no thing Buster: How do you really want me, baby? Rio: Boy 😩 Buster: Tell me Buster: I'll stay or go, whatever you say Rio: Stay there Rio: I like the idea of it Buster: Then I won't move Rio: I'm gonna go to my room, no particular reason, like Buster: Yeah you are Rio: Okay, now what am I gonna do? Buster: Make me regret saying I won't move Rio: Easy Buster: We'll see won't we Rio: You will Rio: I already got a pretty good view Buster: I bet you do Buster: Show me something Rio: Not to be that bitch but I think someone else is coming up 😑 Rio: Hold on babe Buster: 😒 Buster: I'll be here Rio: Oh, okay, it was just Diego getting some shit from his room Buster: Good Rio: How I ever got any fucking done in this house was a miracle Buster: It's inspiring Rio: You know the hero you deserve and need Buster: Coming for my 👑 but yeah Rio: There's room for 2 rulers, babe Buster: I know babe Buster: We're living it Rio: 😊 Rio: I love you Buster: I love you too Rio: Can I pretend that I can't hear my name being called? Buster: You have to 'cause I'm not the one saying it Rio: I like that rule Buster: It's just me and you Buster: Pretend that for me Rio: Yes Rio: I want that so bad Buster: You need it Buster: Tell me how badly Rio: Bad Rio: as bad as I wanna be for you baby Buster: What are you gonna do for me? Rio: Whatever you want me to do Rio: Anything and everything Rio: Start slow though Rio: [Pics] Buster: [messes around with the app while he pretends like he's thinking] Rio: Buster Buster: Yeah, babe? Buster: Just thinking here, like Rio: Take your time Rio: Seriously, give it a good ponder Buster: How hard do you want me to think about it? Rio: Really long and hard Rio: it's important Rio: wanna get this right for you, like Buster: Okay, good Buster: What other toys do you have there still? I wanna make the best choice possible, you know Rio: You know me so well Rio: [Selection] Buster: [Still on this goddamn app while he pretends to ponder] Rio: You're taking this very seriously aren't you Buster: 'Course Buster: Not moving either as promised Rio: Can't say they same Rio: also can't type, already Buster: 😏 Buster: We have to stay in theme so you gotta use the pink one, obviously Buster: Why didn't I immediately think of that? Rio: It's almost like this shitshow is the last thing on either of our minds 😜 Buster: Nah, I'm so unaffected, still the life and soul here Rio: 😔 Rio: oh Buster: If anyone can change that, baby, I know it's you Buster: You're so bad, yeah? Rio: Yeah Rio: You just need reminding Buster: Make me wanna leave this pub for you never mind this chair Rio: Fine Rio: you can see the outfit Rio: just not on, not yet Rio: [Snap] Buster: Now who's taking things seriously? Rio: Now I know you're playing hard, gotta up my game too Buster: I can go harder Buster: Barely touched this app yet Rio: Please Rio: You're driving me crazy with all this teasing Buster: Is that better, babe? Rio: No, I want you Rio: You could come here and fuck me and be back before anyone even noticed Buster: Can you be quiet? Buster: They'll notice if not Rio: No, but you can put your hand over my mouth Buster: That never works you just end up putting my fingers in your mouth 😈 Rio: You have to give me something to keep my mouth busy Rio: maybe you can take this vibrator out of my pussy replace it with your dick Rio: I wanna taste me Buster: Okay now you're having good ideas Rio: Yeah? Rio: It's 'cos I'm thinking of you Buster: Now I wish I could move Rio: I wish you were behind me Buster: I wish you were on top of me Rio: That's how you want me, daddy? Buster: I wanna see your face when you're about to cum Rio: You can see how every single thrust makes me feel Rio: if you can focus on anything but how good my tits look Buster: Jesus Buster: I need you so much Rio: I need to say your name Rio: I miss the feel of it in my mouth Buster: Say it for me now Rio: I am Rio: and I push it deeper every time Buster: Let me see you Rio: Make sure your audio is off Rio: [Video Buster: I nearly made my own sounds then Buster: You're so fucking hot Rio: I love turning you on when you're in public and with other people Buster: I know you do Buster: It's making you so wet Rio: If you could listen to my video Rio: You would know Buster: Am I allowed to move to get my earphones out of my bag or not? Rio: Anti-social baby Rio: but yes, because every sound I'm making is for you Buster: Fuck Buster: Rio Rio: Come moan that into my mouth as you cum deep inside me Buster: I want to so bad Rio: I'm gonna have to go soon Buster: Don't Buster: Stay for me Rio: I really fucking want to Buster: I need you Rio: Are you gonna come see me? Buster: Tell me I can Rio: You can, but you might have to make polite small talk first if you get seen Buster: What am I gonna say? Buster: I can't act like I just really wanted some tea and cake Rio: Sure you can Rio: she's your auntie too, get so many good boy points 'fore you come up here and lose 'em all Buster: Is it not no lads allowed? Rio: Yeah but Rio: ugh Rio: you probably shouldn't, I'm just being a brat Buster: Can you meet me outside so I don't need to officially come in? Rio: This is why I let you tell me what to do Rio: you have the best ideas Buster: Find us somewhere we can be alone and I'll get there as fast as I can Rio: I'll come get in your car Buster: I don't have it Rio: Oh damn Rio: 'course you don't Buster: This isn't gonna happen, is it? Rio: Fuck sake Buster: You should just go back Buster: I'll make it up to you later Rio: Yeah Rio: I'm just gonna mope Buster: I'm sorry, baby Rio: It isn't your fault Rio: I just wanted to escape Rio: the vibe is so weird here Buster: I don't blame you Buster: I can only imagine Rio: He shouldn't be here, he should be with you lot Rio: of course he ain't but Buster: I can't believe he's lasted that long there Buster: Not that I want him here but Rio: Aside from being a little drunk Rio: he's being pretty engaged and friendly Rio: guess he's doing his family guy act again but no one is really biting, he's getting frustrated Buster: 'Course he is Buster: Any way that shit is gonna wrap up soon? Rio: Well, if everyone just heard me fucking myself to the thought of you it might be time to give out the party favours, yeah Rio: the kids were keeping it from getting that tumbleweed moment but who knows Buster: Don't Buster: I mean, our ma's gotta know that he's a bad idea and bad news, yeah? It can't just be you seeing it, like Rio: It's no secret how much your Ma actively hates him, I'm surprised she's even here Rio: Mine tries to not badmouth him but you know Rio: It's kind of sad, even Meena isn't feeling it and she's invested on both sides Rio: this is fucked Buster: Yeah Buster: If you wanna leave I'll come and get you, seriously Rio: I'm going to Rio: I'll tell you when I'm ready Buster: I'll be when you are Buster: It's gonna be alright Rio: I hate how he looks at me Buster: I know Rio: See if I left a turtleneck around here Buster: You can have my jacket Rio: I can't before I say my goodbyes Buster: Fuck saying 'em Buster: Just go Rio: I guess Rio: I'm being mean Rio: I should try some more Buster: You've tried enough Buster: If you won't leave for yourself do it 'cause I want you to Rio: You should go back to having a good time babe Rio: I'll be fine Buster: Baby, please Rio: Okay, okay Rio: but I feel bad about it and I'm gonna be 😒 about it Buster: I don't care Rio: Hmpf Buster: I love you Buster: And I hate him Rio: He's not being so bad Rio: I promise Buster: I don't give a shit about Drew Buster: Only you doing what you want Rio: I know Rio: I will, I'll go down and see how it is now Buster: Make sure Indie ain't fucked up my shirt, like Rio: On it Rio: though adding a new one to my shopping list already 'cos I know her Buster: 😒 Rio: Don't be grumpy baby Buster: It's just Indie Rio: What you mean? Buster: Neither of you should have to be there Buster: I'm mad about it Rio: It isn't Ro's fault Rio: I mean, I don't know why she's done this but Buster: Nobody made her fuck him again so yeah it is Rio: It ain't just fucking for her is it Rio: I assume he weren't that hard up either but Rio: whatever it is, ain't love Buster: Don't Buster: It's worse Buster: I don't reckon either of them know what love is Buster: It's fucked Rio: It's horrible Buster: I haven't seen my mum in a mood this bad in such a long time Rio: He will fuck it up Rio: before they get down the aisle Rio: congrats on bringing another kid and woman into it though, Drew Buster: Yeah Buster: I'm scared for her, how she'll be when he fucks up and fucks off Buster: He knows how to pick them, no offense to your ma, like Rio: I doubt she can get much worse Rio: She's never not been a mess, sorry but it's true Buster: You really reckon this is rock bottom though? 'Cause that's where she's gonna hit Buster: I dread to think how she's been today Buster: Fuck's sake Rio: She'll just stop eating again, no doubt Rio: Her response to everything Buster: Don't say it like that Rio: I know she's your Auntie Rio: but that's how it is Buster: The whole point of him being at this fucking fam function is to look after her Rio: He can't force feed her Buster: He could do something Buster: More than he ever does Rio: Whatever Buster: Are you actually gonna defend him now? What the fuck Rio: You can't blame him for not 'fixing' her eating disorder Rio: and she shouldn't even be having this baby if she's not willing to get help for her mental health bullshit Buster: I'm not asking him to fix anything, I'd just take the cunt not making everything worse for a change Rio: Why would you expect that of him Rio: as bad as her Rio: she should know better Buster: I know Buster: I'm just Buster: over it Rio: Aren't we all Rio: I'm sick of this family using him as an excuse to be fucked Buster: You can't blame them 'cause he ain't exactly blameless Rio: Focus on getting better Rio: like, why is he still here if he's so bad Rio: Just, whatever Buster: He ain't got anywhere else to go Buster: There's nothing heroic in it Rio: No, I mean Rio: why do we all put up with him Rio: and then hate him Rio: it's pathetic Buster: I don't Buster: Take it up with everyone else Rio: Good for you Buster: Don't get an attitude with me Rio: I'm going Buster: Good Rio: Prick Buster: What the fuck, Rio Rio: What? Buster: Why are you acting like this? Rio: Because it's all bullshit Buster: It's not my bullshit Rio: I know Rio: but you didn't have to say it was good I was going Buster: I thought you meant you were leaving Rio: Oh Rio: Sorry Rio: I'm just stressed Buster: I know, babe Buster: I'll come get you Rio: Indie ain't even here Buster: Where is she? Rio: Don't know Rio: she did a bunk about 15 minutes ago, apparently Buster: Fuck's sake Buster: Did she take her phone back from you? Rio: Nope Buster: Talk to Drew, he's got everyone's number like Buster: Bound to have her mates or her lad Rio: Yeah Rio: Can't blame her frankly Buster: Me either but it'd be better if she'd got her phone off you first Buster: Then you could just drop her a text Rio: Fuck this Rio: Oh well Rio: Talk to you after Buster: Alright Buster: Rio? Buster: Talk to me Buster: It's been ages Buster: Are you okay? Buster: What the fuck? Buster: Everyone's going home so I guess will Buster: Babe Buster: You're scaring me now Buster: Seriously Buster: Come on Rio: I don't know what to say Buster: Tell me you're okay Rio: I'm not though Rio: Sorry Buster: What happened? Rio: Didn't your Mum say Buster: No Rio: Oh God Buster: I haven't seen her Buster: But now I'm losing my shit Rio: She might still be with Ro, actually Rio: someone was going to the house to clear out his things, maybe that was her Rio: I can't remember Buster: Did they have a domestic? Rio: Ha Rio: no, not quite Buster: What then? Rio: Depends who you ask Buster: I'm asking you Buster: What the fuck did he do? Rio: I went to talk to him like you said Rio: just about Indie Rio: but he was being funny and nice and then Rio: Idk, I can't even remember if it's how I'm saying or how they are now Buster: Rio, what did he do? Rio: We were kissing and his hands were everywhere and my Mum walked in and she just lost it Buster: He was kissing you, you mean Rio: That's what I'm saying, I can't remember Rio: but Ro said I must've started it because well Rio: I don't know why Buster: Bullshit Buster: You love me and you love Indie Buster: You wouldn't do that Rio: I didn't try to stop him Rio: he said if I had he would've stopped straight away so that means I was kissing him back at least doesn't it Buster: No Buster: I didn't stop Chlo but that doesn't mean I wanted to be with her, you know that Rio: I wasn't even tipsy though Rio: What the fuck is wrong with me Buster: It doesn't matter, babe Buster: He fucking cornered you in your own house Rio: He's going to tell everyone about us Rio: they didn't let him say much because Mum was going to kill him and Ro was hysterical but I know he will Buster: He won't 'cause I'm gonna kill him first Buster: Where is he, do you know? Rio: I don't know where anyone is Rio: all busy salvaging from my mess Buster: His Buster: Not yours Buster: Where are you? Rio: I'm such a baby person what if Ro's baby dies from the stress Rio: what if she gets so depressed she doesn't look after it Buster: Stop Buster: My mum is with her she's not gonna let anything else happen Rio: The worst already has Rio: I've ruined her life Buster: You haven't done anything wrong Rio: I have Rio: I tried to fuck Drew at her baby shower Buster: Don't Buster: He did that to you Buster: All you were trying to do was find Indie Rio: Indie Rio: What are they going to tell Indie Rio: what's he Rio: and I don't even know what to tell her to rebuff it so why wouldn't she believe him Buster: Baby, I need you to breathe right now, for me, yeah? Buster: Tell me who's with you Rio: I don't think anyone is Rio: I'm scared, Buster Buster: I'm coming over Buster: Keep talking to me until I can get there, okay Rio: I can't see you Rio: He's ruined it he's ruined everything Buster: I love you Buster: I need to see that you're okay Buster: I need to make sure you are Rio: I'm so far from fucking okay Rio: I'm a mess Buster: All the more reason for me to be there Rio: You don't get it Rio: I've always been a mess Buster: Everyone is Buster: I'm the biggest mess going Rio: You said it yourself Rio: he knows how to pick 'em Buster: Shut up Buster: He doesn't get to choose you Rio: He was saying so much stuff Rio: stuff he shouldn't know about me no one should Buster: Tell me Rio: I don't think I can Buster: You have to Buster: Who else is there? Rio: I think Lottie and Meena are here, with their kids, and keeping an eye on the rest Rio: Mum and Nan went to find my Dad and your Ma and Nance went with Ro Buster: That's not what I meant Buster: You're not gonna tell them Buster: So its me or nobody Buster: Don't keep his secrets for him Buster: He barely did Rio: I don't even want to think about it Rio: never mind say it Rio: I want to forget the whole thing Buster: I know you do Buster: But that's not gonna happen Buster: I'm sorry but it won't Rio: It's so Rio: embarrassing doesn't cover it but that's all I can say when all the stuff he knows, anyone could Rio: really Rio: it's not like he had to try hard to get the info Buster: He knows things about you, he doesn't know you Buster: If he did he'd know you don't want him to do that shit to you Rio: He said he reckoned I was ready for the real thing Buster: He's full of shit Buster: What the fuck is that even meant to mean? Rio: He heard what I call you Rio: 'cos I fucking let him Rio: you know Buster: He's such a sick fuck Rio: I am Rio: what doesn't turn me on Buster: He doesn't Buster: And he knows that Rio: Clearly not Buster: You've made it clear enough times Buster: He should only need to hear it once Rio: It's all part of the game isn't it Buster: It's not a game, babe Buster: None of this is Rio: It shouldn't be but Buster: It isn't Buster: Listen to me Rio: What Buster: Don't let him in your head like this Rio: How can I think of anything else Buster: That's why you need to talk about it Buster: If you can't now then later but Buster: It's not his fucking story to twist it happened to you Rio: It's better for everyone if it was me Rio: it's too much Buster: It's not better for you Buster: And you're the only one I care about Rio: Why Buster: Why what? Rio: Why do you care about me or like me Buster: I love you Buster: I know he can't make you forget that Rio: I know but I don't know why Buster: You're smart and funny and beautiful Buster: You care so much about everyone and everything and you make me feel not only like I'm not a piece of shit but that I'm actually good Buster: You're literally the most generous person I've ever met in my life Buster: With your time too, like Buster: You're always saving me when I should be saving you Rio: I'm glad I make you feel like that Rio: you are good Buster: So are you Buster: You're so good, Rio Rio: I really don't mean to do the wrong thing Buster: And you really haven't Buster: He fucked up, not you Rio: I wanna believe you Rio: but also everything is so bad now it doesn't even matter Rio: and it's only going to get worse Buster: Of course it matters Buster: You matter more than anything Rio: Everyone hates me now except you Buster: No they don't Buster: They love you Rio: Nah Buster: If they hated you it wouldn't be such a mess Buster: You'd just be gone Buster: Like he'll be Rio: I don't wanna deal with this Rio: can we go somewhere Buster: Yeah Buster: I'm stuck in traffic but its moving Rio: I mean forever Rio: or I'll just curl up into a ball and die Buster: You can come to London with me Buster: But that's as far as I can go right now Rio: I know that really Rio: I can't think straight or work out any actual plan right now Buster: You don't have to Buster: I can't think straight either and he didn't do it to me so Rio: I'm sorry Rio: I didn't want to tell you but I had to too Rio: can't expect my Ma to do that like she is my Da 'cos I can't fucking look at him Buster: Don't ever fucking say sorry Buster: Not for this Buster: I'm sorry that this happened to you Buster: I should've been there Rio: You can't always be there Buster: Well then, I should've stopped him before now Rio: You can't do that either Rio: it's not your fault Buster: I could've Buster: I could've broken both his arms and then he'd never be able to touch you Rio: Buster Buster: Don't Buster: It's better than the alternative of sitting in traffic crying which is all I can fucking do now Rio: I don't know what to say Buster: You don't have to say anything Buster: Not for my benefit Rio: I wish this wasn't happening to you though Buster: Well, I wish it hadn't happened to you Rio: I love you, you know Buster: Yeah, I do Buster: I love you too Rio: I'm going to be able to fix this Rio: aren't I Buster: There's nothing you need to fix Buster: But it won't always be this bad, I promise Rio: Come on Rio: There's plenty Rio: everything is basically fucked Buster: But none of it is your fault Buster: You can't fix everyone else for them Rio: Who else will, babe Buster: They'll either do it or they won't Buster: It ain't your job Rio: I'm so tired Buster: I know, baby Rio: I can't live like this Buster: Tell me what I can do Buster: If you wanna leave, we'll leave Rio: Maybe I should just fuck off somewhere Rio: for a bit Buster: Do you not want me there? Rio: Of course I do Rio: I mean a bit more long term though Rio: you've got to go back to School Buster: Fuck school Buster: I wanna be with you Rio: You need School, babe Buster: You need me and I need you Rio: Maybe I'll come to London Rio: what if Ro does though, 'cos what the fuck is she gonna do now Rio: I've got to avoid her forever Buster: No you don't Rio: you didn't hear her Rio: she definitely hates me Buster: I didn't have to Buster: He's just headfucked her like he tried to do with you Rio: he's going to want his flat back isn't he Rio: where am I gonna go, back to my parents, fuck Buster: I'll get you a new one Buster: Here or in London, wherever you want Rio: Don't be ridiculous Buster: I'm serious Rio: You can't just do that Rio: we can't can we Buster: Of course I can Buster: I was gonna sort one for Chlo and I can't stand her Rio: I don't know Rio: sounds too good to be true Buster: Trust me Buster: I'm not gonna let you down again, okay Rio: You haven't Buster: That ain't true but it will be Rio: It is! Buster: I've let you down loads of times, today is just the worst one Rio: Shut up Rio: You don't owe me anything Buster: Whatever you say, babe Rio: I mean it Rio: you can't be taking any blame for any of this Buster: I do though Buster: Only my share but still Rio: No Buster: Come on Rio: No, I'm serious Rio: this is going to fuck with so many people Rio: not you too, I can't handle it Buster: I'm sorry Buster: I'm not trying to upset you Rio: I don't care about me, just don't be sad Buster: I care about you Buster: I'd do anything for you, you know that Rio: Just stay you Rio: that's all I want Buster: I promise Rio: Good Buster: Are you letting me in or coming out? Rio: Come out, only your Dad should be home, right? Rio: I can't face anyone yet Buster: Fuck knows where he is Rio: Just make up an excuse and I'll apologise to them later Rio: I can't be here and I can't go to the flat Buster: We can go anywhere, my car's full Rio: It'll all be better in Skerries, yeah? Buster: It can't be worse Buster: And it'll just be me and you Rio: Yeah? Rio: You know, we're going to have to tell people we're together Rio: or they'll probably phone the garda like I'm a suicide risk if they reckon I'm on my own Buster: I'll sort it Buster: Do you need me to get anything from the flat for you before we go? Rio: Something comfortable and baggy and not this fucking stupid dress Buster: Easy Buster: I'll go there now Rio: Have you seen my wardrobe? Harder than it should be Buster: I've left more than enough stuff there to make it work Buster: Which is just as well if I don't wanna drive back that way again to pack Rio: Yeah, I don't care Rio: I don't much feel like being a person anyway Buster: Anything we don't have I'll buy it Rio: I'm sorry, this is so stupid Rio: Are you sure I'm not being a pussy? Do I have to stay and face this now Buster: No Buster: We're going Rio: Okay Rio: I was hoping you'd say that Buster: I know what you need, babe, that's never gonna change Rio: I love you Rio: I wish I was better for you Buster: You're the best Buster: I love you so much Buster: Whatever else you are, you're perfect for me Rio: You're so nice Buster: And honest Buster: So believe it Rio: I'll try, like Buster: Good

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