#Almost 2 AM but this thought has been LOOPING in my head.

[minminambus]

Taking all my close friends and family and putting them into their own special terrariums. So I can take care. Of them.

[makemeadoll]

✨Files Shared with Me!✨

I've been trying all videos sent to me by the friendly people of Tumblrville! 💖

I thought it might be a good idea to share them here so I don't lose them and also to help others find awesome stuff 💕

I'll be updating this list with files shared and also found by myself slow and steady, so we can all enjoy and share our thoughts! (Or mindless babbles hehe) #hypno files

I will mention those who shared or produced the files only if they explicitly share them on their blogs, or ask me to mention them privately (because privacy is now an important thing and we must play fair! ✨)

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Lovely Anon #2:

You Are Blank - Hypnosis Experience

• Makemeadoll Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Simply amazing! So soothing, and it does only what it says. It makes you BLANK. I don't even know if I was asleep or traveled to another dimension hehe

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Lovely Anon #1:

Compliance Loop 2.0

• Makemeadoll Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️½

Not a fan of B.S. and this one uses triggers from it. I felt good and it never mentions her, but it talks about "feeling like a bad girl" and I'm not into being punished, so of course I don't want my own mind making me feel bad for not doing something i'm not comfortable with.

Here to Obey - Miss Trancy

• Makemeadoll Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️½

It gave me the chills a little bit because I want to stay away from the B.S. world and this one sounded like those files right away, but I think it's fine. She's never mentioned in it.

30 Minute Mind Control Marathon: Can You Survive It?

• Makemeadoll Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Lovely but is meant to be listened while sitting down and I like laying down more so I couldn't follow a part of the video the first time.

Brainwashing Training Loop

• Makemeadoll Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I found this one on their blog. SO good! Well, it's just a lot of mantras we see all around hypno stuff... and it gets the job done! Got me so floaty and easy to drop after 😵‍💫 (listened while writing this, and after it stopped I still heard it in my head until I noticed I had closed it already!)

Daily Trance Loop

• Makemeadoll Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

OMG so soothing, so lovely, so simple and well made! Nothing complicated only listen and let mind be blank! 💖

Hypnosis: TRANCE TOY TRAINING

• Makemeadoll Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Caught my attention, dropped me so hard, I followed along mindlessly and the trigger made me almost burst! No words. Fav. 💖✨

[M4A] Pretty Doll in Bliss [Dollification] [IQ Reduction] [Obedience Training] [Mind Blanking] [Subliminals] [Binaural] [Mind Fuck] [Hypnosis] [Triggers] [Arousal]

• Makemeadoll Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️½

I liked it and I felt so good! Reinforcing my good doll triggers (even writing it got me hehe). I just don't like that it associates being doll with being stupid... 💔

Surrender

• Makemeadoll Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️½

Umm Tiffa struggled with the theme because it's all about slavery and I'm not a slave I'm a doll, but if you're into that the file is lovely and I was drippy and relaxed and heavy and obedient hehe, I just couldn't remember the new mantras cause I'm not a slave and they're very specific

Hypnosis: Spiral Pocket

• Makemeadoll Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️

I'm almost sure these files are Bambi files with "Bambi" swapped to "Toy" and also has themes of slavery in the background. The more my mind notices it the less they work on me. I couldn't even finish this one 🥺 but if you're into it, go ahead! 💕

Hypnosis, Binaural Beats, Subliminal Affirmations: Pleasure Slave Reinforcement

• Makemeadoll Rating: 🥺

Umm I cannot add a review because Doll is scared of slave files cause I am a doll not a slave hehe, but I'm sure it's great! I trust him a lot and gives me awesome files 🥰 Maybe try it and tell me what rating to give it by the public!

Doll Transformation Hypnosis (RAGDOLL///FREEZE///COMMADS)

• Makemeadoll Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Nice video! Thought I wasn't deep but then realized I really was! Hehe. It asks you to get up and pose and move and change outfit and comment and stuff so be prepared being seated and in your room hehe.

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@secretlytranced 💖:

Rain and Relaxing Wetness ;)

• Makemeadoll Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

She's lovely and amazing and she shares these files all made by herself on her blog. This one got me to mindlessly play with my tits while working 🤭

Be a Good Girl

• Makemeadoll Rating:

Homework 🤭

Sumbission

• Makemeadoll Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Makes me sooo suggestible and it gets lost sooo good as background noise that now when it rains I remember the conditioning thinking it's playing 💕

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Me!:

Mistress Calia's Click Trigger Erotic Hypnosis [F4A]

• Makemeadoll Rating ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Makes me feel good and it's the first file I found and listened to and it made me have a crazy hypno dream and basically started my journey with files 💖

[F4A] A New Video by Your Favorite Hypno YouTuber: Obedience Training [Hypnosis] [Brainwashing] [ASMR]

• Makemeadoll Rating ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ (+?)

I listened to this with a LOT of background noise, but I still managed to focus and suddenly I was out like a light. It's about "choosing" to become obedient, and even though I didn't like that much the way she spoke, I confess it WORKED.

{{Hypnosis}} Good Girl Trigger [Hypnosis] [Trigger] [Effects] [File For Females] [Obedient Effect]

• Makemeadoll Rating ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I think this one is very effective, but doesn't feel like it will be hehe. It's a hidden gem :)

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(There are more but I need to find them again first ☝️)

[thytaenic]

⊹˚︵‿₊˚ʚɞ˚₊‿︵˚⊹ ʚɞ ～ ❝ 𝐬𝐨 𝐡𝐢𝐠𝐡 𝐬𝐜𝐡𝐨𝐨𝐥 ❞ ╰‧₊˚ haikyuu : akaashi keiji x f!reader

╰‧₊˚ not proofread ! disregard my grammar error

"i think we should break up."

"keiji, w-wait.."

"WAIT!" your body jolted up, an arm stretched out as if you're trying to grab onto nothing. you were awakened from the dream you just had, sweating and breathing heavily. your eyes started to scan the room you're currently in, still breathing heavily. you noticed the room layout; it is indeed your room. a heavy sigh escaped your mouth as you replayed the dream over and over again like a video tape of a bad memory, constantly on loop and hunting you. it's not the first time you've dreamed of the same situation and it seemed to be engraved into your mind ever since the day it happened.

right when you were about to pull the comforter over your body, you heard a soft knock on the door of the room. fear started to engulf you as you recalled, you've been living alone for almost a year so who could that be? and at 2 am that is. suddenly, the door knob was turned and the door was pushed, revealing a silhouette of a familiar figure.

"i went to grab a glass of water, did i wake you up?"

you weren't sure how to react to the sudden reveal. it was none other than your friend, Akaashi Keiji. but he looked different, way more matured to be exact. questions filled your mind, what is he doing here? how did he get here? what is happening?

"k-keiji .." you muttered, eyes nailed to the male with a glass of water in his hand. "w-what are you doing here?"

he looked at you weirdly, but then a smile appeared on his face that you've missed so much. for years you've been waiting for his return after he left to further his studies. he walked closer to you, closing the gap between the two of you as he sat next to you on the bed, handling you the glass of water to which you gladly took.

"nightmares again? you really should stop watching horror movies before bed time, love." he chuckled, his hands now slowly making their way to yours, slowly and gently holding yours in his.

you're more than confused at his answer. love? you felt overwhelmed by the current situation as you felt a stream of tears rolled down your cold cheek. you wanted an explanation from him, you wanted more than just his presence there to soothe the stabbing pain in your heart. and so you bravely asked him.

"keiji, i don't understand. why are you here? a-and why are you in my room?" you bombarded him with questions, getting frustrated at the amount of unanswered questions in your throbbing head. you clenched your fist at your frustration and your sob grew louder as your head hung low.

akaashi was taken aback by your sudden outburst. he didn't know what has gotten into you. but he remained calm, his thumb caressing your clenched fist. this is all so wrong, you thought.

you raised your head only to meet his confused expression, probably not understanding why're you acting so weird. you had realised that your sudden tantrum put him in a position where he's questioning your sanity.

"y/n, i think you should sleep first." he tried to calm you down, gently pushing you to lie down but you remained frozen.

"but keiji , where are you going to sleep?" you hesitantly asked.

again, he was confused. he didn't know why were you so clueless considering that he remembered how you were completely fine before you went to bed. "what do you mean 'where'? of course i'll sleep next to my wife right here."

"h-huh..?"

your pace quickened when you noticed that you're running late to class. 10 more minutes before class and you're still on your way walking to the school.

"come on, come on. why are there so many cars today?" you cursed out, frantically tapping your feet on the ground.

not long after that, you felt a sudden gush of wind washed all over you. you glanced to your left side and your eyes met with a teenager on his bike trying to catch his breath from possibly the frantic cycling he just did.

"akaashi?!" you exclaimed.

the male turned his head to face you. his tie hung loose with the first two buttons of his shirt were left unbuttoned. you couldn't help but admire the sight before you, how his sweaty hair swung effortlessly from side to side and that good-looking face. who would've thought your childhood friend is actually a handsome young man despite his nonchalant side. but akaashi looked distressed, and in a hurry for sure.

"y/n? why are you still here?"

"seriously, that's your concern? you should look at yourself."

his eyes dropped to take a look at what you mentioned but he only sighed. he raised his hand and his watch stated '8.26'. that's 3 more minutes before the morning bell rings.

"get on."

"w-what?"

"i said get on, we're running late." he pulled your arm to the back of his bike to signal you to get on. and so you put your bag onto the empty seat behind him before sitting on the bag.

"just so you know, this is my first time ri- AAAA!" you were adjusting yourself to sit comfortably so you won't fall when he started cycling later, but that didn't really work when he suddenly sped up, causing you to quickly hug him from behind, holding onto your dearest life.

akaashi's smile turned into a smirk, one hand stayed on the handle while the other grabbed yours which were tightly wrapped around his torso. he didn't say anything but his gesture of caressing his thumb onto your forehand somehow reassured you that you'll make it before the bell rung.

soon after that, the two of you arrived exactly before the bell rung as you waited for him to parked his bike under the roofed area. you were about to leave to your class when you felt a strong grip around your wrist and you turned around to see akaashi smiling at you. your cheeks grew warmer when his face was just inches from yours, causing you to look away to avoid his gaze.

"see me after class?" you didn't get to answer when he suddenly walked past you, leaving a trail of his strong cologne lingered. from far, you can see him being dragged into the school entrance.

it's not the first time he had said that to you but these days, the two of you had been exchanging 'overfriendly' remarks. one that is not normally said between friends. it even sparked some rumours among his volleyball teams. but you've known him for years, even since the two of you were still in diapers. of course this was nothing more than just a normal friend hangout. or so you thought.

part 1 , part 2 , part 3

author's note : hello , i've nothing to say . but i hope youre enjoying this short series of my first haikyuu fic ! will update part 2 asap . feel free to reach me out at the chat section

[altschmerzes]

I want to hear about your fics. Tell me about your wips. What are you working on now. What's got you really excited?

OOOOOOOO YOU HAVE UNLEASHED ME, MY FRIEND...

the thing about me that i'm sure you will have noticed by now if you've spent more than five minutes on my blog or in my general company is that i am always working on five hundred projects at once. this is not... like, great, so to speak for my ability to consistently finish one thing but i don't know how much steam i'd be able to maintain if i wasn't constantly playing hopscotch with projects so like. win some lose some?

anyways. i have five hundred projects always. right now i would say the ones i am working on with the greatest degree of dedication/effort, in terms of Major Projects at least and not just like. oneshots here and there are wriggle up on dry land (baby jamie ted lasso fic), history rhymes (ted lasso fic centred on sexual trauma), loneliness into loneliness (the qpr two aces fic and its associated concepts), and the newest of the bunch that i don't think i've really talked about, which is titled 'drive the wedge' (from the tmg song 'heel turn 2'). here is a needlessly thorough explanation of THAT fic. the short version is, in the excellent words of my friend @cartwrong, "Thought River had a bad time in s4? Its about to get to worse."

drive the wedge is a slow horses fic wherein at the end of 4x05, patrice abducts river at gunpoint and when he does so he doesn't drive him to that cafe to meet with frank. instead, patrice takes river to a remote, isolated manor where frank is waiting for them.

it goes downhill from there.

the horses do not see or hear from river again for almost five months. during that time, frank does his level best to break river and rebuild him into a soldier, into a weapon worth using. this... doesn't really work. in fact, the process ends up breaking not river, but patrice, who watches his father torture the only brother he has left until he can't take watching it anymore.

meanwhile, slough house is on overdrive trying to find a missing colleague who the park is all to quick to deem missing (presumed dead) and rubber-stamp his file as such before tucking it away in a dusty corner. louisa almost quits. (she tries to quit. the only reason that she doesn't is because lamb shows up to ask her back, because she's at least almost competent and if they want any hope of getting river back they're going to need her. he also promises that he won't make her do fuck-all that isn't to do with finding river. she agrees to return on these conditions. catherine comes back too, of her own accord, because she can't tolerate the idea of being outside of the loop on this one. she has to be there.)

louisa is generally having a bad fucking time. she is dealing with grief and terror over the maybe-loss of her best friend, and she is also trying to find him, not to mention dealing with his mother. she ends up spending a lot of time working late with lamb, and filling out that dynamic is one of my favourite things in planning this thing out. they're astonishingly similar sometimes, and they inadvertently keep each other afloat during the long, difficult months river spends in captivity. (lamb is not handling this well either. he will not be acknowledging this. he WILL be yelling at the park for trying to legally declare river dead.)

ultimately, everything comes to a head when louisa follows a lead that she knows better than to follow, and comes to in a room in a manor she's never been to before. she is intended to be the final blow that breaks river's resolve, except that it doesn't quite end up shaking out that way, and they're both found alive, if not exactly well.

the following months are hard, too, in their own way, as everyone tries to re-find their footing again. there's endless hours of debriefing from the park, who aren't totally convinced river didn't go dark-side during his captivity. there's what to tell david, whose condition has deteriorated sharply thanks to the sudden and traumatic loss of his grandson. there's the severe physical and emotional trauma river is carrying and trying to recover from. there's louisa's own profound trauma from the whole ordeal - from his disappearance and his absence and everything she had to deal with during that to her own abduction and near-death. lamb tries, with varying levels of success, to be a human being, because they need him to be and because catherine told him in no uncertain terms that this time he has no choice. we all know i'm a rescue and recovery bitch, this is the part i am All About.

anyways. it's a mess, it's so much fun, there's so much going on here. im having a blast. :)

[countrymusiclover]

2 - Swords and Winterfell

Part 3

The Last Velaryon

Tag list @rise-my-angel @cdragons

It had been almost a week since Chezney and I had traveled to King's Landing. Jaime and I had only simply said a few words and shared silent glances with one another. So nothing really worthwhile in my opinion. Staring at the ceiling above me the sun had already risen and brought light into my chambers. "How am I supposed to act about all this? I didn't have a mother growing up." I mumbled to myself in thought.

Sitting upright on the edge of the bed I run my hands down my face remembering that Chezney's mother had taught me about most things that my mother would have but I still wasn't as confident as she always seemed. "Haelesa!" Hearing three knocks I sighed in relief.

"Chez, finally I have been here bored counting the tiles on the ceiling waiting for you." I sighed in an over dramatic tone flinging the chamber door open revealing my friend.

She quickly pushed the door shut and locked it. "Sorry this place is much more massive than Driftmark. I got lost a few times trying to find your room."

"Then let's go exploring." I responded instantly.

She flopped back on my bed with a confused expression. "Are you serious? Did you forget the part where I said I almost got lost getting here?"

"I've been trapped in a castle surrounded by the ocean my whole life. I don't intend to stay locked up here in a city like this one. I want to go explore and see what else is supposedly out there." Putting one hand on my hip I sent her a half smile.

Chezney didn't waste another moment getting up to her feet. "That settles it then."

"And if my so-called betrothed has a problem with it then he can come find us." I looped my arm through hers and we quickly left the room rushing down the hallway.

I was still wearing the same outfit that I arrived in but I had let my hair loose since the climate was much warmer than I had ever felt. And I would never wear uncomfortable heels unless someone forced it upon me. Chezney and I took a few wrong turns yet we did manage to find a doorway out of the castle. Placing one hand on the brick wall the wind blew my hair in my eyes until I brushed it behind my ear. There was an open fenced yard out in front of us. "Maybe we took another bad turn."

"Nah I don't think so...look swords." Chezney moved past me and picked up one of the blades that was laying on the dirt a few steps away from us.

Shrugging my shoulders I ran over to her taking the handle of the other one she held out for me in my own hands. "Ah you're right. This should be fun since neither of us are probably good at this."

"You're telling me you've never watched Antler train?" She asked me.

"No, have you?" I asked her back and she avoided my gaze meaning she was lying. I gasped, teasing her back. "Oh you have!"

Chezney grips her handle slightly swinging at me. "Shut up!"

"Ah!" I squeaked, raising my blade and heard our metal clash together meaning I blocked her hit. "Hey don't get defensive, it was a genuine question that you brought up."

She shakes her head. "Just because I have watched him train sometimes doesn't mean that I have feelings for him."

"Actually it kind of does mean exactly that, Chez." I smirked, spinning the blade in my hands trying to balance the new weight in each hand to get used to the new feeling.

Gaining a firm grip on the blade I made my first advance on my friend but she was somewhat ready for me. We both ran at each other and swung at the same time hitting the other's blade. We separated them quickly and I swung upward and she went downward hitting my blade again until we heard someone speak up and catch us off guard. "Ladies aren't supposed to be playing with swords from the lessons I was forced to sit through."

"Ser Jaime." Chezney stumbles dropping the sword and doing the best curtsey she could for him.

Yet I kept my fingers wrapped around the blade but lowered the tip of the weapon down into the dirt. My eyes focused on his letting uncomfortable silence fill the air and I didn't bother to address him like a lady should. "Jaime. I'm shocked you came looking for me. From the day I arrived you didn't seem to have much interest in getting to know me."

"Hmm you are right that I am not really concerned with the whole idea of marriage. But here we are since my father was very demanding of the king to release me from my guard title." Jaime moved away from the doorway we had came from reaching me until there was little gap between us.

Lifting my gaze upward he was slightly taller than me but I wouldn't let him know that I was worried about what he would do. "At least we are in agreement on not wanting this arrangement. Come on Chezney, let's keep practicing."

"Oh I don't think that's a good idea." My friend's demeanor completely changed around the oldest lion son.

Whipping my head around to her I scoffed. "Come on, Chez. You don't really think he is going to judge us when we are just having some fun."

"He's the best swordsman in the seven kingdoms, Haelesa." She trailed off.

Snorting out a laugh. "I'll see about that."

"Is that a challenge I'm hearing, Haelesa?" I sucked in a breath hearing Jaime's voice closer than I was expecting when I had put my back to him talking to my friend.

Slowly turning around on my boots, Jaime and I were almost pressed chest to chest now. "I wasn't calling a challenge with you, Lannister."

"That's not what I heard from you, Haelesa." He smirked smugly. "If you're not calling a challenge, let's still just see what you can do."

Jaime moved around me picking up the sword that my friend had dropped. Chezney parts her lips in shock watching me before I gasped, not sure I heard him correctly. "You're joking."

"Actually I'm not in the slightest. If you want jokes you should meet my little brother Tyrion." He responded holding the blade in his right hand.

Blinking a couple times I still remain where I was originally. "I'm not going to fight you, Jaime."

"As you said it's just for fun and I'll take it easy on you if you truly want to learn how to wield a blade." The Lannister lion smiled at me.

Chezney moved off to the side and nudged her head in the direction of Jaime telling me to go. Sucking in a breath I finally caved in wrapping my fingers around the blade a little tighter than a minute ago. "Okay I suppose we can practice a little." Stepping forward I take the first swing towards him thinking that this might not be as bad.

Yet Jaime only let me have confidence for a brief period of time where he swung at me and I ducked, dropping to my knees. Our swords hit one another but he pushed me into the dust. "Relax your dominant arm. If you use the same move all the time your opponent can learn which arm is the weakest."

I raise my sword trying to strike him but he lightly elbows me in my side to strike me from below. "So why did you really come out here for -uh!" I grunted out, pressing my sword against his. He pressed his sword against mine, never losing gaze with mine. His green eyes holding love with his face remaining the serious one he uses in battle. We never break the hold on each other as he finally answers my earlier question.

"The king has informed me that we are to ride North. He claims to be wanting to make Eddard Stark his new Hand of the King." He lowers his blade and takes a few steps backwards away from me.

Lowering my blade I tilted my head to the side. "Why would we need to ride North?"

"It's a command by the King, Lady Velaryon. You don't go against the royal family unless you wish to lose your head." He told me to slide the sword in the holder on his hip.

Chezney came over to my side where I slid the blade in the belt that was attached to the tunic I was wearing. "I suppose you're right."

"I'd suggest you ladies dress warmly." He responded.

Chezney looped her arm through mine once more about to leave. "Thanks for the advice, Ser."

"I assume that you'll be riding a horse with the men, Haelesa and not in the carriage." Yet he spoke up one more time, having us halt in our tracks one more time. Sending him a head nod I glanced over my shoulder and then Chezney and I went to pack some things for the second trip.

It took many long days ahead that I did spend in the carriage with the queen and her children until the guards had informed us we were near Winterfell. The next time we stopped Chezney followed me and Jaime on horseback not caring what looks his sister had given us for not acting like proper ladies. The wind ran through my hair and my nose ran a little stuffed up from the new sense of cold that surrounded us. Glancing out in front of me I came into a view of a large castle in front of us that had some torches burning around its entrance clearly to keep some warmth there. The royal family enters through the gate and I turned my gaze hearing King Robert struggle to get off his horde from how fat his stomach appears to be as he stops in front of the man I assumed was Lord of Winterfell. "Your Grace."

Robert eyed the man in front of him. "You've got fat....Cat!" The two men laughed before he embraced both him and his wife with red hair.

She greeted him once they broke the hug. "Your Grace."

"Nine years. Why haven't I seen you, Ned? Where the hell have you been?" Robert asked the man Ned who was clearly his friend.

"Guarding the North for you, Your Grace. Winterfell is yours." The queen and her other children descend from the coach as the lord of Winterfell responds.

Chezney got assistance climbing down off her horse and I was about to do the same until I heard a young girl's voice. "Where's the Imp?"

"Will you shut up?" The girl that was older with hair that looked like her mother's snapped back.

Shaking my head I couldn't help but watch the whole scene before me. The king began going down the line first stopping at the oldest boy who appeared to have dark curly auburn hair and the same eyes of his mother. "Who have we here? You must be Robb." He shook hands with the king and then glanced my way making me look the opposite direction.

Next the king went to the two girls. The one all dressed properly like her mother smiled. "My, you're a pretty one...Your name is?"

"Arya.' Said the young girl who looked to be rather uncomfortable in the dress she wore and honestly I could relate with her.

The king went to one of the young Stark boys who showed his muscle to him. "Ooh. Show us your muscles. You'll be a soldier."

"That's Jaime Lannister. The queen's twin brother." Whipping my head back around at Jaime he removed his helmet tossing around the blonde hair and dismounted his horse.

The oldest Stark girl grumbled to her sister once more with the queen approaching the family. "Would you please shut up."

The king spoke to Eddard. "Take me to your crypt. I want to pay my respects."

The queen sighed clearly tired. "We've been riding for a month, my love. Surely the dead can wait." But the king led Ned off and ignored her sentence altogether.

Arya looks around before everyone starts breaking off in different directions. "Where's the Imp?"

Jaime had left after talking with Cersei leaving me and Chezney on our own. Running my hands over my horse he made a quiet nose where I attempted to get off the horse without any help. Yet my boot got caught in one of the foot straps where I screamed gripping the saddle thinking that I'm gonna hit the dirt. "Agh!...huh." I felt strong arms that couldn't belong to my best friend hold me up when my boot fell from the strap and my body was pressed against the front of whoever it was.

"It's a good thing my mother sent me over here to help you otherwise you would have had a nasty fall, my lady." I recognized the voice of the young Robb Stark who helps me to my feet and doesn't remove his hands until I'm stable on the ground.

Turning around to face the Northern boy I smiled getting a better look at him. His eyes were bright and I could see the curls better now. To my surprise I found him more attractive then Jaime which I could only assume was because Robb was near my age of seven and ten. "Thank you for catching me, my lord. I must sadly admit this is my first time on a horse."

"It's quite alright you'll get used to it in time. And please my father is Lord of Winterfell so I'd ask you'd just call me Robb, my lady." He suggested staring down at me but he wasn't nearly as tall as Jaime was.

Shaking my head, I corrected the wolf boy. "I'd prefer if you'd call me Haelesa, Robb. We're not in fancy lessons at the moment." Running a hand down my tunic I changed into some thicker pants and stole one of the Lannister red cloaks over my shoulders for warmth. Chezney was wearing a simple ocean blue dress, some brown winter boots, and a yellow fur cloak and her brown hair put up in a messy bun.

"It's nice to meet you, Haelesa." He greeted me with a cheeky smile.

Chezney came over to us and extended her hand to him in excitement. "Hi Robb, I'm Chezney. Her best friend and lady in waiting."

"It's nice to meet you both." Robb shook her hand firmly gesturing his head back in the direction of the castle offering me his arm. I looped my arm through his and Chezney followed him on his other side. "Come, I'll personally show you Winterfell." I sent him a smile, already feeling better about being around the young wolf than the oldest lion.

Comments really appreciated ❤️

[pettypiastri]

my boyfriend's boyfriend

jamie drysdale x fem reader ft. trevor zegras

requested by @corneliaskates: "okay in light of these photos… I’m making you write jamie for me what about like moving in with him but like moving in with him also means moving in with trevor and… chaos ensues"

wc: 2.3k

warnings: blood in the context of undercooked food and also minor injury, reference to Jamie's shoulder injury and doctors offices, swearing, mention of drugs in a medical context, chaos, buffoonary

a/n: just some fun casual writing for a collection of scenes that i think you’d likely see upon moving into the zegras/drysdale household, pls enjoy the chaos! lots of this unhinged behavior we already knew about the 2 of them but a few details came from the recent "The Players Lounge" podcast episodes with jamie and trevor so go listen! (also would the homies wanna see me write for mason mctavish cause i really would love to do so)

Jamie stares blankly at the doctor as he continues to come to. He doesn’t hear the inquisition the doctor made. The first thought on his mind is the only thought he's had since he skated off the ice, his left shoulder in a dead hang: his season is over, there’s no way around it. 

“Mr. Drysdale?” The physician tries to get Jamie’s attention. 

“Yes, umm I’ll be there to help him. I’ve taken time off work.” Jamie turns his head slowly to look at you. He barely registers what you’ve said. He almost wants to ask you to repeat it but he knows he heard you right. The doctor shifts toward you, flipping through the aftercare instructions and various medications Jamie will have to take. You’re collected, attentive, and receptive all the while Jamie’s eyes bore into your profile, trying to understand. He’s still drowning in self-wallowing and frustration and now is trying to parse through the funny sort of feeling in his heart watching you prepare yourself to be a part time caretaker for him. Not only are you here right now, you’ve just admitted out loud, without any previous discussion between the two of you that you are not just willing but going to help him during his recovery?? He feels an intensity to communicate his love and appreciation for you that he’s not used to but ends up manifesting as,

“Will you move in with me?” The door to the exam room has just barely clicked shut from the doctor’s exit. Your spine is rod straight now from where you were previously collecting your purse and coat. Jamie’s always been a fiddler, twitching and messing with loose skin on his finger or the belt loop of your jeans, but now he sits perfectly still as he stares at you. 

“Where’s the big red button, I think they gave you too much of something bud.” Humor always serves as a great deflection tactic for you but Jamie won’t let you off the hook.

“No no, I’m serious. Do you want to move in with me?” Your expression remains slightly standoffish as you draw closer to the bed. As you prop yourself on the hospital bed, you notice his eyes are inviting, stoic: a safe place to land. Lazy fingers reach to soothe Jamie’s uninjured arm. 

“Would you have asked me if you hadn’t torn your shoulder?” Jamie’s nod is emphatic. 

“Yes, it probably just would’ve taken me a bit longer to ask. You still make me nervous-- but like in a good way, in a good way.” Jamie stumbling over his words endears you like nothing else. “I kind of hate being without you, not in a weird codependent way, I just really like who I am when you’re around.” 

Your mind is already made up after Jamie’s unbridled honesty but you still have to ask,

“Shouldn’t you run this by Trev first maybe?” He is a member of the household, though not much of a contributing one. To sell his conviction, Jamie’s eyes don’t leave yours as he reaches for his phone in the back pocket of the jeans he thinks he’s wearing. He gets an awful fright meeting bare skin under the hospital gown. Creasing at the waist with laughter doesn’t hinder you too much as you dig for his phone in your purse. He takes it sheepishly from your grasp. As he dials Trevor’s number, you urge him to put it on speaker phone.

“Jimmy! How high are you, man??”

“Z, Y/N’s gonna move in with us.”

“I thought she already lived here?”

—

Since the moment of Jamie’s injury you’ve been practically inseparable. Surgeon consultations, post op, helping him dress, cooking for him, you’ve truly been there for it all for Jamie. Now that he’s several months post op and regained most all of his range of motion, he’s been eager to pick up some slack. 

“Are they closed?” 

“Jamie my love, yes. I’ve literally had them closed every time you’ve asked in the last 15 minutes.” You sigh, patience thinning at both the frequent reminders and… well… how goddamn slow Jamie’s being. To pass the time, you’ve taken to concocting a game with the yellow spots on the inside of your closed eyelids.

“Dude it’s been fucking hours would you hurry up already?” 

“Trevor, no one asked you.” Jamie snips at his childish best friend. It’s date night tonight and Jamie wanted to cook for you. Trevor decided, because he is cripplingly codependent, that he just had to sit on the living room couch to scroll Instagram. You’ve mentally taken the under on Trevor stealing some of your bread with olive oil within the first five minutes of it being in front of you because ‘Jimmy why didn’t you make any for me too?’

“Okay it's ready, you can open!” Slowly doing as you’re told to readjust to the well lit dining room, you catch Jamie scurrying around to his side of the table. His face holds an adorably pleased expression, you can tell he’s very proud of himself. The spread in front of you is barbequed steak, bread with olive oil, and a green salad; a shockingly balanced meal. A normally restless boy, Jamie vibrates with excitement even more now as he waits for your appraisal. 

“Jamie baby, it looks amazing! Thank you!” Crows' feet emerge to compensate for his smile becoming impossibly wider, yet he’s still a bit shy, bashful after your praise.

“I’d hope so, it took you long enough Jimbo,” the peanut gallery croons again. You don’t even acknowledge Trevor as you begin to saw through your steak… until red liquid begins to pour out… Stunned and surprised, your mouth gapes for a moment, finding the gentlest way to put things.

“Jamie,” drawing out the final vowel, your eyes flick to his. His expression is eager with eyebrows raised in question.

“How long was this steak on the barbeque for?” 

“Like 10 minutes I think? Why?” Jamie pales slightly at your question.

“I think the heat was too high babe.” Jamie observes his steak with a close eye and then oggles yours from across the table before reaching for his knife. 

“What do you mean? You said it looks amazing, I mean look at those char marks!” 

“Jamie baby, it's practically still moo’ing…” Trevor bursts out laughing, his stupid wheeze accompanying Jamie’s panic. As his knife breaches the admittedly lovely crust, bloody liquid pours out of Jamie’s steak as well. The color of his cheeks grows to match that of what's on his plate. Jamie starts to say something but it’s Trevor’s voice you both hear instead.

“Just put it in the microwave.” 

—

The team returned last night from the East coast road trip. You and Jamie have been in denial about Trevor’s return, trying to stretch out the silence with a lazy day on the couch. Trevor however has had other plans.

“Why do I have the least blanket right now? I’m literally the tallest of us three.” 

“Because no one invited you to join?” You shove at Trevor’s toes that are digging into your thigh from how you’re sardine-d on the couch. He whines as you do so, pushing at you back. Harder. “Ow Trevor stop!” 

“What I’m not fucking doing anything!” 

“Guys! I can’t hear what they’re saying!” Jamie bursts, effectively shutting you both up. Trevor glares at you as you snuggle further into Jamie’s chest, Jamie's arm visibly tightening around you. The face you give Trevor is smug. 

“Fine, I’ll just go somewhere else then.” As he stands from the couch he makes an equally childish display of flipping the blanket up and over your head, messing up your hair and covering your eyes.

Jamie coos quietly at you not to say anything or react so you remain calm and settle in to watch the rest of the current episode of Yellowstone with your boyfriend.

A few minutes later when there is a distinct cacophony of falling caps, banging metal doors, and at least a liter container of liquid (hopefully closed) hitting the floor, it’s not hard to tell Trevor has decided to do his laundry. He comes back upstairs acting as if nothing was afoot. 

It’s not until an hour later when Trevor has made the switch to the dryer that you notice something actually might be off. Wafting up from downstairs is a distinct smell of burning. You pause to be sure your nose isn’t confusing something else before voicing your worry.

“Do you smell that?” Jamie sniffs violently enough to be audible. 

“What are you– oh shit!” Jamie moves from behind your back leaving you flopping onto yours from his quickness. “Trevor!!” He shouts while bounding down the stairs. “I told you, you have to clean the lint trap every single time you use the dryer!” His voice grows inaudible the farther downstairs he gets. Trevor peeks his head out from his room. 

“Was he talking to me?” You can’t help but laugh, hands covering your face in disbelief.

“Why are we friends with you?” 

“I’m fucking awesome, duh.”

—

“Okay don’t panic–” Is all you hear before you start to panic. “But umm Z might’ve slipped on the roof…” 

“Tell me you’re joking. Why are you calling me? Oh my god Jamie, call the trainer or something! Is he hurt?” It’s brisk in the shade where you stepped out of your office to answer the incessant calls from your boyfriend. You’re still not off for another hour. 

“I think he’s okay. Definitely tore open his leg but we put some stuff on it. He’s still complaining about it but you know him, he’s always complaining about something so I think he’s okay.” As Jamie finishes, your phone vibrates with a text. “I sent you a picture of it.” The picture reveals a shallow cut about 6 inches long down the front of Trevor’s calf. There’s still remnants of blood around the cut itself and more notably about 12 normal sized bandaids placed like a patchwork quilt over the area of interest. Idiots. “We didn’t wanna get in trouble with the team…” Jamie says softly, decidedly embarrassed.

“I see. Okay well great job with the band aids you guys. I’ll pick some more up on the way home and some other supplies. Why were you up there?” 

“I was playing guitar and Trevor came up to tell me he could do it better and then promptly took it from me.” There’s a pouty lilt to Jamie’s voice that makes you wonder if Trevor’s really the one that got hurt. 

“Did he damage your guitar Jim Jam?” A shiver rakes your body as you’re desperate to get back inside the office.

“No, thank god.” He’s quiet, waiting for your reply. 

“You’re doing great Jamie, it’s really coming along baby.” He chirps a thank you, easily excited by your dismissal of Trevor’s insult. The two of you say your goodbye’s over Trevor’s whining in the background. 

On your way home, as promised, you stop at a drugstore to grab some gauze and larger wraps for Trevor’s ‘injury.’ You send a snarky picture of two contending boxes of Band Aids side by side to Trevor. Your caption ‘Mandalorian or Tangled?’ Something tells you Trevor’s reply is completely serious when your phone lights up with ‘Flynn Rider.’

—

Jamie slips into your shared bathroom as you’re fanning gently at your face. He smiles kindly but doesn’t start a conversation. Instead he reaches for his toothbrush and sets to brushing his teeth. The two of you don’t normally get ready for bed together at the exact same time. Typically one of you is asleep on the couch and being prodded at by the other to come to bed. Well, you normally prod at Jamie while he normally gallantly carries you to bed without disturbing your sleep. As he brushes his teeth, Jamie observes you as his entertainment. He steadies himself with a hip popped against the counter and one foot crossed in front of the other. 

Jamie’s attention does not bother you. Being the type not to speak until prompted, Jamie’s stays silent, his watchful gaze comforting if anything. That is until his lips form a small smile around his toothbrush that begins to grow. Finally you flick your eyes over to him in the mirror and notice toothpaste beginning to trickle down his chin. A drop that was lingering ominously begins to fall so you lurch forward to catch it in the palm of your hand, not wanting to risk the white carpet square Jamie’s standing on. 

“If you keep smiling like that you’re gonna get toothpaste on yourself Jamie. Be careful.” The toothpaste in your palm is flicked into the sink before you promptly rinse your hand. Jamie heeds your warning, deciding it's time for him to rinse as well. After his hands are towel dried he moves to hug you from behind. The smile is still on his face.

“Seriously, what are you smiling about, mister?” A giggle escapes your chest. You feel Jamie’s shrug against your back as you dig for another product in the drawer next to you. 

“Dunno, I’m just so happy you’re here.” Around you, Jamie’s never shied away from honesty and it’s something you’ve always appreciated. The last few months living with Jamie and Trevor has been chaos, hell at times, and insanely stressful but you’ve still found joy in every moment. So you meet Jamie’s honesty with some of your own when you say,

“There’s no place I’d rather be.” 

Later, when the two of you find yourselves curled around each other in bed, under an excessive number of blankets, it’s like Trevor has ESP for when he’s being left out of affections. A knock on the conjoining wall confirms this theory. His voice is muffled but you can still make it out.

“I love you guys.” Jamie chuckles and kisses your forehead, shaking with laughter of your own.

“We love you too Trevor.”

[cupoftaae]

HII i'd like to request prompt 11 "give me time, give us time" for kookiee? and if its ok id like to give u a small plot just in case you dont know how to work with this if thats okay 🥺

so the tiny tannie lil ol plot for this wuld be: jk being a bit of a workaholic (very much so.) and y/n is quite tired of it.. note that this is non!idol and married! :D they had a talk and a cool plot twist wuld be how y/n was actualy planning to surprise him abt being pregnant!!!GASPAND THEN KOOKIE NEVER NOTICED THE SYMPTOMS CUZ HES BEEN WORKING TOO MUCH!!! and like yeah she getzz rlly emotionsl

AND IF ITS OK CAN U GIVE LIKE AN AFTERMATH OF THIS? LIKE 1 OR 2 YEARS AWAY FROM THE ARGUMET? hope this isnt too much 😭

Hello!! oh my goodness this is so amazing, no one has given me a plot to write by, this is really cool and I hope that I do a good enough job portraying this for you! Thank you so much for sending this in <3

La La Land (JK drabble request)

warnings- mentions of drinking, angst, mentions of pregnancy, swearing, couple fighting, fluff, kissing (nothing major) I think thats all?

enjoy <3

"I cant tell, is this a positive or negative?"

Your voice was shaky and frail, holding up the test to your phone camera, trying to show your friend.

"blurry, cant see, read the box y/n. instructions are there" Your friend sighed, in her defense, it was late, and you called her out of slumber- but only because you were totally hyped at the sudden realization that you were finally possibly pregnant.

You and Jungkook had not necessarily been trying, nor necessarily avoiding it.

You both wanted kids, but never really specified when. Considering the fact you have now been married for 2 years, and your relatives are up your ass about when it is that you will have a baby, even though its not their business at all.

You wanted this for you, and today might be the day you get what you wished for.

"You just took it, let it sit for a moment"

you nodded at your friends words as you placed the test onto the bathroom sink, moving your hands to rest on your hips as your teeth tugged at your bottom lip in thought.

"whats on your mind, hun?" she asked

"a lot..." you giggled, drawing your eyes back to her. "If I am, I just hope Kook is happy, thats all I want"

"mm his schedule is so busy"

"I know, work always comes first with him, thats why im nervous. Its not like he told me to take birth control or anything, and we have condoms he just refuses to use one" you snicker

She laughs, "well then yeah what did he expect?"

"but hes a head manager at the company he works at, hes spent so much time climbing the ladder to get there, what if this throws him in a loop?"

"y/n....girl...listen to me, he is partially responsible for this, so he needs to be accepting or I will personally come down there and make him accepting"

You laughed at your friend, thankful you had some humor relief out of all the tension.

"and listen, you are in your 30's, its not like you are 20 years old and unmarried, you know?"

"yeah...youre right...im gonna look now, I think its ready"

"okay"

You gently flipped over the test and held it close to your eyes, a faint blue plus sign appeared, making your heart thump so loud it was audible in your ears.

"holy shit, its positive!"

"its positive?" your friends voice shot up 3 octaves

"YES!!!" you jumped around, wishing jungkook was home right now to show him, instead bathing in the moment with your best friend.

"congratulations, y/n, oh my god im so happy for you!!!"

"thank you!" you wiped a few tears, gripping the test almost as if it wouldnt be real if you let it go. "oh jesus this is so....wow!"

"remember what I said, everything will be okay"

You nodded, taking a deep breath

"everything will be okay, yeah....your right."

-

Everything, in fact, was not alright.

It's been 2 weeks since that night you found out you were pregnant, and everytime you think you are ready to tell Jungkook, something happens.

"oh gotta go babe, they are calling me into work"

"too tired to talk tonight honey, i have to get up at 5am"

"not right now baby, maybe tomorrow?"

It never ended, he was in and out the front door constantly.

It was upsetting that the only time youve had to talk with him recently was when you both took a shower a few days ago.

"you look so tired" you frowned, pushing his hair back

"I know...I am"

"you need to sleep more" you kissed his chest, resting against it under the warm water.

He let out a soft laugh, "yeah...when is there time for rest?"

"its okay to take time off, you know? youre a manager, you have more control"

"I just need to prove to everyone that I am capable of handling the position" he insisted

"Obviously you are, they wouldnt-"

"y/n, just dont worry about it....okay?" he squeezed you softly, trying to change the subject and shutting you down, because you wouldnt get it

-

You wanted your husband, you wanted him more than anything, and this feeling only turned to anger as you sat with him at the dinner table one night.

You were now almost 2 months pregnant and still have not told him.

You planned a nice meal to eat, his favorite.

You cooked all the vegetables and spent hours slaving in the hot kitchen making sure everything was up to perfection for him, just for him to come home at 2am with no text in regard to him being late.

"its late, honey, im sorry, we can eat tomorrow"

You stood to your feet before he could leave the room, all of your dishes sitting on the stove, some now cold. "no, we are gonna eat now."

You know he smelled the food, and never did he once acknowledge the fact you made his favorite dish, or thank you for it.

His eyes widened, not used to hearing the sudden tone in your voice.

"please....please just sit" your voice cracked slightly as you watched him slowly walk back to the seat, sinking into it.

"are you mad at me?" he whispered, watching your back as you heated up the food into a plate for him.

"mad..?" you chuckle to yourself, trying to gather your thoughts.

"yeah, mad. are you?"

You took the food out of the microwave and handed it to him, sitting on the other end of the table and looking at him desperatley.

"jungkook...have you noticed anything...different?"

He smiled gently, confusion in his eyes, "what do you mean?"

Your expression softened from hopeful to dissapointment.

"you dont see...you dont feel like anything is different?"

"no?" he half smiled, looking around awkwardly.

You looked down at your plate, teary eyes overcoming you as you tried hard to prevent your breakdown- but its been a long time coming.

"wha-"

"jungkook!" you cry out desperately, leaving him shocked and confused at the odd behavior.

"baby why are you crying? whats going on? what is this?" he panicked

"You!! im crying because of you!!" you stood, covering your face as you felt the embarrassment fall over you.

"what did I do?" he got up and tried to come over to hold you, but you pushed him away.

He let you talk, not knowing how to respond to anything.

"you are never home, Jungkook. I fucking miss my husband, okay? I spent 4 hours in this kitchen, sick as hell, making your favorite dish and I dont get any type of thank you, instead you come home 3 hours late and decide its time to sleep, you reek of alcohol as well" you wipe you tears hastily.

He stood, looking at you as his eyes teared up

"I know work is important, I know it is, But I matter too Jungkook!! We are married, I am your WIFE! im not just the maid and chef here, you know?

"baby I never said any of that-"

"you treat me like one!!" you cry, pacing the room, "see, you still dont even notice anything do you?"

He looked helplessly, "Im sorry, honey, I really am, but I need work-"

"not this much!!" you looked at him sharply, "Ive been home alone these past few weeks, dealing with a certain situation ive been terrified to tell you about all by myself!"

"im here now, tell me! tell me! what is going on and how can I fix this?"

"I just want you, jungkook....One fucking day, one fucking dinner" you gesture to the table "When was the last time we even woke up together and cuddled, or had a fucking cup of coffee and talked? Months...MONTHS!"

"my angel im sorry ive been neglecting you, why didnt you say something to me sooner?"

"I was trying to understand, I was trying sooo hard to put myself in your shoes but damnit, jungkook, I cant hide it anymore" you sobbed, knowing how crazy you looked to him right now. "Its...its not fair!!"

He gently grabbed your arm, leading you towards him, his eyes searching deep into your own.

You sighed, trying to adjust your breathing, "g-give me time, give us time." you wrapped your arms around yourself and looked at him.

"us?"

You swallowed harshly, trying to steady your voice, "im pregnant, Jungkook. I found out weeks ago and since then youve left me home alone with not an ounce of time for me to tell you, which is now resulting in this"

He froze, his eyes softening at you as he tears up, "pregnant? baby..."

"yes!" you step back, "and...and you didnt even notice! I tried leaving clues, I left the test in your bedside nightstand and you never fucking saw it?"

"n-no baby...youre pregnant, oh my god, honey" he brought you back to him, a soft yet sad smile on his face

"Its been all me, im the only one who has to deal with it and its not fair. If you dont have time for me, how the hell are you gonna manage to parent our child?" you glared "I refuse to parent alone, this is a team effort, jungkook. Yes money is important, but I need you, I need you to stop being a manager first and my husband second"

He took a shaky breath, part of him scared to say the wrong thing, "I- I understand honey" he nodded, holding your hands as he cried "fuck- im so sorry" you let him pull you into a tight hug "Im so sorry holy shit...im such a fucking dumbass, how could I not know?" he ran his hand up and down your back, face hidden into your shoulder as you both cried.

"you need to understand, I am serious, things have to change!"

"they will! they will! I'll change right now I promise Im gonna be here for you, for both of you" his hands held your stomach, desperation in his voice "dont leave...." he whispered

"im not going to, jungkook. But you need to stop working so much, I cant do this by myself"

"you dont have to, im here for you, whatever you need, fuck I'll take the rest of the week off for you, just let me hold you" he squeezed you tighter

"I miss you so much" your voice was quiet

"I love you, im so sorry I never noticed, Im so dumb baby....I love you,I love you" he cupped your face and pressed a delicate kiss to your lips, forehead against yours, "thank you for all you do, im an ass for not recognizing any of it"

"I love you too....just please...do it for us...?"

He nods "anything....for you, i'll do fucking anything baby." he kisses you once more as you both gently sway in the kitchen. The tension of the argument still lingering in the air, thick and prominent.

This wasnt a fixed issue, more so a stepping stone to him proving his words.

If he wanted to be a dad, he needed to show you he was ready for it.

--

"he is crying again" you sigh, rubbing your eyes and sitting up to look at the baby monitor.

"I'll get him" jungkook immediately got up and walked down the hall, following the sad cries that led him to your baby's room.

"little man...its 4am...why the tears?"he frowned at his 3 month old who's arms flared around.

the first 2 months of Kaiylin being born, you kept him in your main bedroom at night but you wanted to test out how he would sleep on his own, and so far its not been good.

"you want mama, huh?" he picked him up, holding him close and gently bouncing his knees. He didnt smell, so it wasnt his diaper, and he had just been fed not too long ago, so it was easy for jungkook to know he just missed his mommy and daddy.

He slowly walked into the bedroom, you were about to fall asleep. "oh kai" you frown as your husband places him into the bed between you both, his body facing the smaller ones so he doesnt fall out or move around.

"aw baby" you rub his head softly, "its okay now, shh, shh"

Jungkook gives you an empathetic look, "I know you havent slept im sorry"

You shrug, "i'll nap tomorrow"

"I'll take him into my office, he can sit in his rocker while you nap"

You smile softly kissing your husband, "thanks, baby"

You had to admit, Jungkook has stepped up more than you assumed he would. Hes began to work from home, giving time for not only your little family, but especially you and him.

He has been such a help with everything, from watching Kai during the night, to cooking and cleaning for you, its been 100% teamwork since you gave birth and you couldnt thank him enough for it all,

Things were finally starting to even out and you could not have been happier, the man you married in the first place was returned back to you, in the form of a loving father.

"hes sleeping again, look" jungkook whispered

Your eyes darted to the newborn in between you and your husband, you slightly giggled, "poor thing"

"co-sleeping just works I guess" he smiled, leaning over to kiss you gently, "go back to sleep honey, ill watch him for a bit, its okay."

"I love you, thank you..." you looked at him

"I love you too sweetheart"

-

a/n- ahh! I really hope this is what you wanted, it was fun to write and follow the prompt. Thanks again for sending this in! -Nini

[goldenharmony]

tumblr user goldenharmony im. head in hands. i am losing it over click link or whatever that show was called surely i dont remember. im fine (hello) please tell me you experienec with this show i neend to talk owiwiuwewiwijedhwejd.

LOL OK 😭

Idk how you discovered Link Click (or mentioned it in your reblogs), but I use MAL a lot and noticed that s1 was pretty high on the rankings during its airing.

Then later that year, I watched Gigguk's vid on Link Click since he's an anituber I like. I do laugh at the fact that I read the title and was like "Nah, it's not better than Steins;Gate :) " since that's MY favourite anime (and a time-travel one), and he basically implied that it wasn't as great as Steins;Gate when handling certain aspects LOL (although still is praising the series throughout this review). Fun Fact - his vid on Oshi no Ko is the whole reason I checked out the OnK manga eventually since I read Aka Akasaka's Kaguya-sama and wanted more but the premise of "simp doctor reincarnated as his idol's child" sounded rlly sus LOL.

It's why I was also kinda confused when later on MAL, I saw that Link Click had a s2 but didn't hear any hype for it despite hearing a bit for s1. I guess that was cause of Gigguk's influence on the anime community since I don't think he watched s2 so there was no big anime influencer hyping it up sadly.

Eventually late last November, someone in the AquaKana server was being very vocal on wanting to push the Link Click agenda soo I decided why not - its been a long time since I watched a time-loop series. She was also a huge fan of Steins;Gate so I trusted her judgement.

Watched ep 1 in original before having to switch to Eng Dub after cause I was not clicking with the show due to being distracted by a new language that I wasn't used to hearing yet 😭But after that, I watched a few eps per day, binged s1 ep 7-11 in one sitting, and then binged s2 in one sitting as well LOL. I was also was waiting for CFE results to see if I passed - my major career-defining exam and watching Link Click actively helped me not stress on the days leading up to it because my thoughts were preoccupied by it.

S1 gave me a Vivy/Violet Evergarden feel with its short stories, and S2 reminded me more of Death Note with it being a suspenseful murder mystery involving supernatural powers. One thing I loved is finding some stuff that Link Click does unique compared to other time-loop series. For example - actively trying to NOT change the past, and instead using the looping to understand how to resolve issues in the present. I also like it leaning into the thriller aspect more compared to other time-loop series I've seen.

CXS and LG also fall into the 2 looper categories that most loopers do. CXS being the impulsive and emotional type and LG being the stoic and serious type who has gotten jaded from all their looping.

Also I am pretty fine with how QL has been handled so far, since its not a "female character" thing to me in how she isn't as prominent as CXS and LG but more of a "character who isn't CXS and LG" thing considering the series has a lot of characters but we don't dive too deeply in most of them. Plus she's been handled much better compared to other anime series that have the set-up of "2 male leads in a suspenseful thriller show, with a girl as an almost secondary character". Thinking of Misa from Death Note and Lisa from Terror in Resonance, who are disappointing in their roles.

I also like how the fight scenes are actually well-animated since most non-action anime included fight scenes are....not great LOL.

[sollucets]

as a tiny prompt: aye wearing akks clothes (maybe an iconic tank top that's a bit too big on him) and akk feeling a certain way

hi nonny i am at last back at it again. thank you for your patience! ✨i think akk's more iconic of his 2 tank tops is definitely the teal one

we are in the post-os2 long-distance akkaye timeline again; 1.2k, rated t for they're kissing

💜

It’s well into the afternoon when Akk finally hears the telltale sound of movement in his bed. His desk, across his dorm room, faces away, and he doesn’t bother turning from the chair to look. It’s going to take Aye a little while to actually wake up, and the last Akk had seen he’d been sprawled face-down across the pillows, taking up nearly all the room in an already too-small bed. 

So instead, he keeps writing, the little scratching noise of his pen the only sound in the room. Akk usually works with something playing in the background, but he’d forgone music in deference to Aye’s recovery from nineteen hours of air travel. He’s also not really working, not so soon after the end of term; he sets back to writing in his journal, content enough to wait just a little longer. 

Like he’d expected, it’s a while before he hears the telltale groaning of Aye actually getting up. He resists the urge to look for a while, but eventually turns to glance over his shoulder and catches the bathroom door closing, hears the sink turn on. He smiles. 

A few minutes later, he again doesn’t look up when the door opens and Aye’s arms loop around him from behind, a chin digging into his shoulder. 

“Good afternoon,” Akk says mildly, gently leaning the side of his head against his boyfriend’s. 

Aye whines, incoherent, and squeezes around Akk’s shoulders. He smells like toothpaste. 

“That bad, huh?”

“What time is it,” Aye mumbles, almost directly against Akk’s ear. 

“It’s half past two, and I probably should’ve woken you up earlier. The jet lag isn’t going to get any better like this.”

Aye lets out a muffled groan and drops his face into Akk’s shoulder, breath warm against the skin. He has to be leaning over the back of the desk chair, and it can’t be comfortable, but he’s clinging so thoroughly it’d be hard to detach him. He says something, barely audible. 

“What?” 

“What are you doing?” Aye enunciates more clearly, sounding both definitely still sleepy and distinctly pouty. Akk can feel his lips moving. “Pay attention to me.”

“I’m journaling,” Akk answers, laughing a little. Deliberately, he adds another word. 

“What happened to my cute boyfriend from yesterday who missed me so much he cried at the airport?” 

“Your cute boyfriend from yesterday had to carry you inside from the car and as such doesn’t miss you anymore,” Akk answers primly, holding in a laugh. “Also, you cried too.”

“You just called yourself cute,” Aye says, sighing dreamily. “You should write it in your journal. This is a historic moment.”

“Shut up.”

Aye scoffs theatrically. “Listen to you. I’m never so mean.” 

Akk pointedly gets another two words written down and very generously doesn’t refute Aye’s bald-faced lie. “I’m not mean. I let you sleep in, didn’t I? And I made lunch, but it’s in the minifridge now.”

Against his shoulder, Aye’s lips curve first into a smile and then into a kiss. 

Akk melts a little. He hadn’t known, really, how much he missed this. He thought he knew, but he didn’t. 

“You made lunch for me?” Aye asks, sounding delighted despite how he’s pulling his arms away. “I guess I can forgive you then. I am hungry.”

Akk spins in his chair, glancing up. “We can—“ he starts, before the words catch in his throat. 

Aye’s hair is down, soft and in his eyes. That’s the first blow. The second is his bare legs, the edges of boxers just barely visible under the hem of the third shot directly to the heart, one of Akk’s tank tops. 

On Akk, it’s already oversized, and on Aye the effect is worse. He can see the curve of Aye’s waist where the side hangs open, paler than the rest of his skin. It contrasts prettily against the blue-green of Akk’s shirt. His eyes stick there, tracing the shape of it over and over until without his conscious input he reaches out and curls his fingers around that waist, tugging Aye abruptly forward into his lap. 

Aye makes a cut-off little noise of surprise, just barely getting his legs to the side in time. His skin under Akk’s hand is warm and soft and his weight in Akk’s lap is familiar even after all these months away, and his mouth is still in a cute little ‘o’ of surprise. 

He rallies quickly, though, and that ‘o’ morphs into the cat smile Aye wears only at his most self-satisfied. Leaning forward to keep his balance, he sets his hands lightly on Akk’s chest and says, a laugh in his voice, “Does my cute boyfriend still miss me after all?”

Blinking a couple times and valiantly fighting the urge to dig his nails in, Akk says, “You’re wearing my shirt.”

It’s hardly the first time. Aye loves stealing Akk’s clothes, and he’s seen it before — but the combination of all that skin and Aye soft and real and in his room and his shirt and now his lap is doing something to him. Aye’s here to steal his clothes again, here and tangible in his arms. 

“So I am. Most of mine are still in my bags.” Aye’s tone is fond as he stares down at whatever dumbstruck expression Akk is wearing, but it goes darker as he asks, “Do you like that?” 

Akk tries to drag his eyes up through the sea of radio static that his higher thought processes have become, but before his face is another stopping point; his collarbone, visible from the drape of the tank top and sadly unmarked. His left hand comes up until his thumb can run over that exposed skin.

He feels more than hears Aye take a breath in, and lets his fingers follow the motion up the column of his throat. It vibrates as Aye says, a little shakily, “I guess that answers that question.”

Akk, who would usually roll his eyes but is distracted by the way Aye licks his lips after speaking, finishes the journey to curl his hand around the back of Aye’s neck and pull him down. Aye goes easily, melting into the kiss with a sigh that Akk has heard a million times and also not in months. They’d kissed last night, brief and soft and clumsy with sleep once he’d finally gotten Aye into the safety of their dorm, but not like this. 

No, not like this at all; he feels teeth against his upper lip. Aye’s hands leave his chest to wander down to his waist then back up to his shoulders and cling there, squeezing pressure through fabric. It feels a little like Aye might understand it, like he might get the ache in Akk’s hands and heart to hold him as close as possible. Akk makes a soft noise into his mouth, shifting in the chair, and they break apart for a moment, just far enough that their noses still touch. 

“So,” asks Aye, breathy but still somehow infuriatingly smug, “Do you want me to keep it on, or take it off?” 

In retaliation, Akk summons all his willpower and says, “I thought you were hungry.”

Aye leans in again, close enough that their lips brush, and whispers, “Shut up.” 

[wreywrites]

Strange Habits

Jedi June Week 2

Prompt: Balance

A/N: To throw one more OC at you (I have *many*), this story features a legit Mandalorian, who has a little brother who will go on to be fairly famous in some circles. Warnings: None AO3

She slept with a rock. She tucked herself under a tree, back against the trunk, and pulled the rock out of her pocket. Then she folded her hands over her stomach, the rock nestled between. It was strange, but who was he to judge?

It was a smallish rock, no bigger than his mythosaur pendant, but from what he could see, it wasn’t carved or painted or etched, it was just a plain gray ellipse-shaped rock. But she didn’t seem to want to explain it, and he wasn’t intrusive enough to ask.

So Kylen Ydarra slept with a rock, and Zann Rau accepted that Jedi were strange.

*****

He noticed, sometimes, when she was overwhelmed or scared or confused or exhausted, she would take the rock out of her pocket and let it rest in her open palm while she just… looked at it. She would take a few deep breaths, and then she would put it back in her pocket. He didn’t think the rock did anything, but Jedi were strange.

At least, Ydarra was a little strange.

*****

“I’m curious,” Zann said as they made camp for the night, “what’s with the rock?”

“My master gave it to me.”

“Something to remind you of home? I thought Jedi weren’t supposed to have attachments like that?”

“We aren’t. I don’t.” Ky shook her head almost to herself as she sat back against a tree and pulled the rock from her pocket. She laid it in her open palm, then slid it to the end of her middle finger, the smooth surface sitting on the pad of the finger. “No, the rock is…” She took a deep breath and tilted her head. The rock stood on end, a perfect ellipse with one vertex on her finger and the other sticking up in the air. Slowly, it began to spin in place, never losing its perfect balance, never faltering.

“It helps me stay balanced.”

“Balanced?” He spoke quietly, almost afraid that he could topple the rock with any loud noises or sudden movements.

“Yeah.” Ky smiled at him. Still the rock revolved on its axis. “I have been told I’m excitable.”

He had to laugh. “Oh?”

“By more than one person.” She grinned again. “Anyway, my master gave me this rock before I left. He meditated with it so much that it holds a kind of… resonance with him. When I hold it, I can feel what he was feeling when he meditated. Calm strength waiting to be called into action.” She answered his question before he could voice it. Then she went on. “And it reminds me to trust in the Force, to not let my emotions—good or bad—get the better of me. I can feel them—I should feel them—but I must keep them in balance and not let them rule me.”

Zann nodded, but he wasn’t sure why. He didn’t understand well enough to nod along like he did.

“When I am tired, the rock reminds me to persevere. When I am scared, the rock reminds me to have courage. When I am frustrated, the rock reminds me to be patient.”

“Must be hard being a Jedi and remembering all that stuff.”

“Not usually. Most of the time we’re in the Temple surrounded by other Jedi, and we can encourage and help each other. But here—” a teasing smile flashed across her face, “—here I’m surrounded by Mandalorians, whose idea of ‘balance’ is a blaster on both hips. Your people don’t exactly help me keep an even emotional keel.”

“Hence the rock.”

“Hence the rock. In fairness, I had the rock before I knew just how annoying you would be.”

“Wow,” Zann snorted. “Thanks.”

*****

The days were long and they fell asleep every night exhausted. As the weeks wore on, Ky pulled the rock from her pocket more and more often.

When Hardeen finally left, it was with one less spare bootlace. Zann doubted he would notice.

The days were long, but now there was something to do with his hands during the restless watches of the night.

*****

“Here.” He passed her the leather cord, a careful harness on a loop.

Ky frowned as she took it.

“For your rock,” Zann added.

She smiled and reached into her pocket, then slid the rock into the little harness and tightened it. “Thank you.” She put the loop around her neck and let the rock slip inside her shirt, pressed against her chest next to the mythosaur.

Suddenly, Zann felt very self-conscious. He cleared his throat, uncrossed and recrossed his legs, and said, “I just thought—it might be easier—this way you can always feel it, you know, instead of having to dig it out of your pocket—it’s always—”

“Zann.” Ky’s voice was so soft, not like her usual commanding tone. He thought he might melt under the force of her smile, the light in her eyes. “It’s perfect. Thank you.”

He nodded awkwardly.

“And,” she went on, her smile growing, “I can feel the care you put into it. It holds your respect and friendship and gratitude. Not only is it perfect for my rock, but the necklace itself will help me find balance.”

He knew he was blushing. He cleared his throat again and said hurriedly, “Just promise you won’t tell any of my Mandalorian friends I’m helping you ‘find balance’ and ‘trust in the Force.’ They’d lose all respect for me.”

Ky laughed. “Don’t worry, I’ll keep your secret. Not every day you meet a Mandalorian who values an even emotional keel.”

[peacht44]

literally screaming for him to wake up and see me and appreciate me for everything I’ve done for us since coming back home to him after the break(up) because he is losing me, I’m getting tired of fighting. And still he is apathetic at best.

Currently in financial ruin for this “man” ama.

Idc if this isn’t want tumblr is for- I literally have lost my entire family due to my decision to come home and try to make it work with him again after what he did to me, they don’t respect me and are keeping their distance. So I have no family of my own blood (just my little fam who adopted me as their own for giving their dad another chance) and exactly 1 friend who lives on the other side of the country. I have no one and nothing currently (other than a sick ass LDR stash necklace dupe on the way 🙌🏻) so forgive my old ass for being a MySpace kid who hated fb and went offline during the tumblr era, I’m just gonna rant here when I need because NOBODY knows me here.

It’s been 8 years since I attempted last, but each and every day lead me further down that path again and my depression sinks deeper and deeper and gets darker and more unholy by the day 😪 I’m too sunny and too bubbly to feel this way god I hate feeling this way. It would be so easy too and then 🤫 all quiet, no more pain physical or metaphysical or even emotional god that would be a dream. I can’t even buy my dad a Father’s Day or birthday gift (both back to back this month) because I threw my whole paycheck on the house we share that he’s refused to pay for (or even work for like physically Have a job for) in almost 2 years.

Where tf did my self respect go?? Why can’t I be the baddie I try to uplift other women to be when they’re down? Why am such a pushover who let’s him get away with murder??

My whole life is falling apart and all I can think is that no one is coming to save me this time. All I have is me and my own back, and even I hate me. I wish so badly I could be someone else, literally ANYONE else, and so I wish even harder for the silence. That eerie quiet to be only pierced by occasional muffled wails that I let out behind my hand clamped over my mouth through gritted teeth with the vent turned as high as it can go where no one can hear me slowly lose every single part of me that made me human, or even just me.

Maybe a nice grippy sock vacation WOULD be just the ticket to getting my mental back on track. At least it would be quieter there, in my head and in my bubble. For now my only comfort are racing nightmare anxious thoughts that play on a loop every minute or every hour of every day, I can’t seem to quieter them or stop a panic attack anymore. I don’t even know how to breathe on my own any more. I am 36 and no better off than living on my own for the first time at 16 again, and all I want to do is d*e, sometimes. Or kill the pathological people pleaser I give all of my energy to being. It’s time to go scorched earth on this Mf but it still won’t make him see me, or love me; or appreciate me for being a GD DISABLED WOMAN HE HAS LET FINANCIALLY SUPPORT HIM FOR 2 YEARS NOW. It’s gaslight gate-keep and hypocrisy 24/7 on my life so maybe it’s time to girlboss my way tf out of it and ghost every living soul I know, pack up my fur babies and flee this hell hole I’ve let my life become again. This Mf couldn’t even bother TO DO A THING for my birthday this year but cry about how he couldn’t afford a gift for me. Not try to earn some cash to even go on a date, just whine about not having the funds and then having the audacity to pass out on me early and let me agonize over every single thing I’ve fucked up in my life lately by diving deep down a cold lane with him again.

Nothing feels real anymore. I don’t even feel like a person. I’m so numb yet so soft and emotional and unstably sad all of the time but all I do is avoid it. Sitting in this pain might kill me, I can’t risk that.

[deathwish-universe]

Blogging

24/11/24

I want to write. Publicly over private, is what this would be. I could journal . We could journal. But do I feel as if this is like a form of socialising. Like it isn't , but with writing in a diary, there is really no likely way anyone will see it. I want to feel like I am talking with someone maybe? But without the anxiety of worrying about people's reactions. Because it feels kind of anonymous. And removing the layers of ideas of being how I think people expect me / her / us/ to be. Trying to speak honestly, which feels almost impossible in front of people. And trying to practice like socialising. I / she gets so scared. One of the parts I am terrified of of making friends again is throughout an interaction or a conversation, realising how much I have forgotten what it is like to be around people. Because that will happen. Will trying to 'prepare' be totally futile? Because having thought about it, I don't think it will be possible to eliminate the feeling, it's that thing of not being able to control what happens, but your reaction to what happens. So my reaction to inevitably I think, feeling like an alien. Or like so out of the loop. Being asked questions about a job, why I have moved to Manchester, friends, family, relationship. I think you are allowed to say, I don't want to talk about that, or just avoid a question. Because this has not occurred in my mind ever before, I thought that is just a thing people do on TV or in films, or I probably have seen other people do it. Versus the reflex of like feeling like I must answer whatever question is asked of me, be grateful for any conversation, which is really mean. Scared of feeling

The worries lately, let me try and write them down. 1. is - I have been well, about 4 1/2 months in Manchester, that's not long until a year, and to have to think about staying or moving. I don't think I will want to live here in a year, but where, what. Do I move? Why? Like this house is too expensive for what it is. All these ideas move about in the head; living in Paris, studying abroad doing a masters, . But, I won't be ready in like a few months. And this has happened so many times, the dance of living somewhere just under a year and moving again. I can't live in my head like that. All theoretical. Just running out of time. Running out of time. Running out of time.

2. Having no friends . What even is a friend?

[nitrosodiumequilibriumproject]

Frustrations with the Project

The last two weeks might as well have not existed, because everything I made during that time has disappeared. The start of a project is always the worst bit, that period of uncertainty and Doubt where you don't know what you're gonna be making, and most of your time is preoccupied with research anyway. I think the first week of the project, the two-day week, was themed on Deliberation. I had spent most of my time tinkering with the old Oubliette/Temple idea, which didn't work out. Not to mention, even then, I had my suspicions on what the end game would even turn out as. It wasn't the best time, but I started week 2 with a better understanding of what made an arcade game good, and what I could easily replicate with help from my tutors. Week 2 was the week of Inefficacy. Each day, my work disappeared - whatever I did in one day was only good for that. I'd log on the next day and continue from square one. I've looked through all my files to figure out where my work has gone; whether it was saved somewhere wrong, or renamed, or I opened a different file with the same name, or I opened a copy which deleted the original, or saved over it somehow, or it was put into OneDrive and just erased from existence - I don't get it.

I'm generally quite industrious when it comes to college work; I like to have a good idea of how much work I'll manage to do and how I'll do it. But because nothing I do matters anymore, because it all disappears after I save (i stress, SAVE) my work, and close down my computer for the day. I literally spend all my college time working back up to that point - I usually don't stop for break or anything, I just have to sit at my desk with a teacher as I eventually get back to the stage I was before, only for it to once again disappear from my computer. Remember the Droppers? The scrolling texture? The incinerator and food pickup system? It's gone, and all of tomorrow will be spent creating it again. Then, on Thursday, I'll make it again. And then it'll be gone, and on Friday, no surprises, I'll spend all my college time MAKING IT AGAIN, only for it to disappear over the weekend. Our games are supposed to go on arcade machines - to be sent to game jams, to expos, and I might as well have been comatose for the last two weeks.

This sucks especially, as this project is very short, and I am very aware of how much time matters in a project. Back when I used to develop games on Scratch, I never had any constraints - I would work on the game whenever. Now, the thought of "this needs to be done by February" is forever in the back of my head, while I'm trapped in this futile loop of anything I do on the computer disappearing. This needs to be rectified, but I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I've saved things exactly how I've been told to. But it doesn't matter, until something's done about the saving issue, there's almost no reason for me to work on my game at all. It'd just be a waste of time and effort. At the very least, I've been recording my work with screenshots - there are more I haven't posted here yet, mostly of the Dropper code and things I did on Friday. I hope that's at least enough to pass, considering I HAVE NO FILES.

[biffsposts]

2023 Best Of

Old Head Favorites

Damien Jurado came out with three albums this year but my favorite by far is Motorcycle Madness. It might be one of my favorites all time by him. It is hard to describe but it has a real jazz noir feel to it, yet it is warm and inviting like getting dropped into the recording sessions with the musicians. I can’t recommend it enough but it might take a few listens to truly appreciate. The National came out with two albums this year and I loved both of them but Laugh Track is the better of the two. Not as monochromatic as Frankenstein. Yo La Tengo’s This Stupid World was the first album I fell in love with this year. I describe albums like this as comfort food but this one is your favorite sweater album, warm, familiar and comfortable.  Aselestine is gorgeous.  Cate Le Bon reinvigorated Wilco with some studio weirdness that they’ve been lacking since A Ghost is Born. That is not to say I haven’t loved other albums since but it is refreshing to see an opener like Infinite Surprise. Cousin has a bite to it. A reinvigorated Blur is great too. The Ballad of Darren is my go album to when I don’t know what I want to listen to. It is consistent all the way through and its great to have them back.

Rap

Rap did not have a giant release that hit this year. I am more than fine with that.  I’ve been digging the underground for years and there is not a better underground rapper the past ten years then Billy Woods! The man is poet and sage. His rhymes are so dense and rich with double and triple meanings that it takes many, many listens to unpack but his flow and cadence is always instant so every listen including the first are very rewarding. Kenny Segal is an amazing producer and he and the Alchemist are the two best in the game right now. Segal mixes up the production from Acid Jazz Frenzies to drone loops and Woods handles each curveball deftly and confidently. His other album We Buy Diabetic Test Strips with his partner Elucid as Armand Hammer also deserves your time as well as features like the opener on my next favorite rap album of the year, The Aux by Blockhead. If you want to know how strong Rap is right now just listen to this album. It is a who’s who of the underground rap scene. With Woods, Aesop Rock, Navy Blue, Danny Brown, Bruiser Wolf, Open Mike Eagle you can’t go wrong on a single track. The production is incredible and if I said Segal and Alchemist are tops, Blockhead is not far behind if not behind at all (as I write this I am convincing myself that this album is on those two’s level production wise). Speaking of The Alchemist his hidden album with Earl Sweatshirt was finally revealed and it lives up the hype and exceeds it.  Earl is in his bag on this album and he is lively and warm, fatherhood has done him well! I love short Rap albums that play like punk rock albums and this one is the best of them this year 2-3-minute songs, 11 songs under 30 minutes is my jam. Vin Skully is one my favorite songs of the year. Black Thought continues his reign as the most consistently solid emcee of my generation.  With every output he cements himself as a top 5 rapper of all time, this time teaming up with the amazing El Michels Affair. This pairing is perfect and feeds my need for the rap I grew up on while also sounding current and vital. Navy Blue rounds of the top five with Ways of Knowing. I have loved watching Navy grow with each release and this is his best to date. The live instrumentation adds a warmth to his reflections on family and life.  I love the positivity and gratitude weaved throughout this one.

Jazz Hybrids

I am getting more and more into jazz with every trip around the sun. I know I’m getting old when I crave hot dogs, McDonalds cheeseburgers and can watch almost every Dodger game from start to finish, now throw in Jazz and I’m almost officially retired.  However, these are not Jazz albums in the purest sense they are rap, electronic, blues hybrid that meet jazz in an abstract way.  McKinley Dixon’s Beloved! Paradise! Jazz!? is another under 30-minute rap meets jazz album that I absolutely love. Conscious hip hop meets jazz almost in the vein of Guru’s Jazzmatazz records but this one has more of a theme centered around three novels by Toni Morrison. The album is concise and dense and being under 30 minutes leaves listener wanting more. Sparkle Division’s Foxy was a very welcome surprise this year. Jazz meets electronica. Apparently, this album is about a hangover post a debauched Hollywood evening but I don’t get that in fact I would welcome hangovers if they felt like this. Astral wanderings are how I’d describe it, getting lost in introspection and losing track of time and space. A great jogging album.  If you liked the instrumentation on To Pimp a Butterfly but wish it was even jazzier and out there then Kassa Overall’s Animals might be for you. Now I’m not saying this album is on that level but it is in that vein. Danny Brown featuring on Clock Ticking is a top ten song this year. Another cosmic adventure in this jazz hybrid feature is Spirits’ The Circling Sun. Piano, Bass and drums are the backbones of this album but the flutes, keyboards and other instrumentation provide the fuel this album uses to take you on a lovely trip.  Finally, we have Lonnie Holley who blends jazz, blues, spoken word poetry to create a lush history lesson.  It is important to never forget this country horrific past in regards to slavery, racism, and oppression. Oh Me, Oh My is a beautiful reminder of that struggle that offers hope and beauty, and how art is our way to reconciliation. Art and beauty connect our humanity and if we focus on that, there are many bridges that can be repaired.

Shoegaze adjacent

I don’t know what Shoegaze is anymore but I do know if it is a descriptor I’ll give it a try.  Wall of sound, crashing and sweeping distorted guitars, propulsive rhythms are all things I like and these albums have different elements of shoegaze but are probably not all shoegaze by purists’ standards.  Slowdive’s everything is alive might be the album I listened to most this year. I have always loved this band and it amazing that they keep getting better 32 years since they first started and with a 22-year break before it second to last album. This album shimmers and shines with joy and peace.  It is the sound of how I want to age with grace and some new surprises that keep things fresh.  Prayer Remembered is a top ten song of the year. Speaking of coming back from a long hiatus Drop Nineteen return with their first album in thirty years. Full transparency I had never heard of this band prior to this year but I’m glad I was introduced to them this year. I know nostalgia can be a dirty word but this album is the best sense of the word. Hard Light intertwines Shoegaze elements while the lyrics celebrate past glories with a current sound invoking a sense of longing and reflection but grounded in the present and embracing it.  Hotline TNT’s Cartwheel and Dogears’ Blockbuster bring a more poppier sound to this group, like emo meets shoegaze. My friend Antony described Blockbuster as Clarity meets 100 broken windows and that was all I needed to dive in and I’ve been swimming with it since August. Hotline TNT is like No Joy or Clairo meets Siamese Dream. Dreamy atmospheres, textured guitars and introspective lyrics. Speaking of Dreamy atmospheres Parannoul’s After the Magic is as dreamy as it gets.  I’ve been a big fan of Parannoul’s shoegaze bliss since I first heard To See the Next Part of the Dream. His new album, although still very shoegazy, adds more melody and bedroom pop into the mix.  The lyrics are entirely in Korean and like Sigur Ros I have no idea what he is singing about and I really like that aspect of this album, the vocals are just another instrument.

Experimental (I Guess)

Experimental is a very loose term to describe these albums, but I don’t know how else to label them.  Avant-Garde might be a better term as they take traditional genres and push and stretch them into new directions. Los Angeles by Jackknife Lee, Lol Tolhurst (The Cure Drummer), and Budgie (Siouxsie and the Creatures drummer) is a great collaborative album. Many guest singers including James Murphy, Isaac Brock, The Edge and Lonnie Holley provide variety to the percussion, electronic grooves of this album.  My friend Aaron described it as LCD meets Fugazi meets Blur or U2.  If that is your jam check this one out, it does not disappoint.  Young Fathers’ Heavy Heavy combine elements of indie, rap, funk and soul to create a great groove album. I put this album on every time I want to be put in a good mood, I can’t help to dance when this one is on. Algiers’ Shook like Los Angeles is collaborative effort. This album reminds me of a patchwork quilt with different pieces yielding to one overarching blanket, every guest adds some different textures but it is still Algiers dark yet hopeful view of the current and the future. Green Iris is a top ten song of the year. Yves Tumor, like Prince before them is genre unto themselves. For this album they tackle their own Gospel with some Shoegaze and elements of soul and glam. It really is something you have to hear to understand and decided if it is for you.  It is fascinating to me and plus they put on an incredible live show. The final album in this Category is Maria BC’s Spike Field. This is an avant-garde folk album in the same style as Grouper. The out of tune piano is featured in most songs and the lyrics are brooding contemplative.  I have fallen asleep to this album more then any other this year and it always yields strange dreams.

[televinita]

All The Songs Make Sense

I am regularly sad that Tumblr doesn't have access to this post, because it's one of my favorite things I wrote during my first go-round with Doctor Who/while processing my feelings about Journey's End, so I am transplanting it here. Which I've thought about doing at least twice before, but I don't think I actually ever did, so here goes nothing.

CONTEXT: I had my music library on shuffle, and 3 songs in a row were either explicitly written about the Doctor/Rose or on my ship playlist for them, and so I said...

Wait, wait, I HAVE A NEW GAME.  For the next 20 songs, I will magically relate lyrics to Doctor/Rose. I was this close to turning this game into the fic meme [where you write a tiny story related to/inspired by the song], but since I've never even tried to write Doctor Who fic, it would all pretty much come out sounding the same: me frustratingly working out my issues with Journey's End in terrible, thinly-veiled third person POV.  So instead we'll just pluck out lyrics and comment on them, as I do.

And so this was born, bringing into existence lyrical associations that, in some cases at least, persist to this day.

1. Blackbird - Evan Rachel Wood You were only waiting for this moment to arrive

(cue "Rose's Theme" and an otherwise-empty street)

OR

Take these broken wings and learn to fly

(broken wings, a phrase here meaning Ten II and/or her suddenly clipped joy)

2. I Will Show You Love - Kendall Payne

Well that's just too easy:

Watch your dreams like falling stars, heartache made you who you are

3. In This Life - Delta Goodrem I have faltered, I have stumbled, I have found my feet again I've been angry and I've been shaken, found a new place to begin I think that works pretty well for Rose in Pete's World

4. Do You Want to Play? - Jewel (A CHALLENGE, SIR?)

Don't ever give away what you can't take back

Which sort of implies that Rose is an object, but WHATEVER.  He essentially handed her off - gave her away - and now the next time the universes magically break down and they're reunited, it'll be too late.

5. Taxi Ride - Tori Amos (ohoho!  You think you're gonna throw me for a loop?) We've all been pushed too far today

Almost anywhere in the two parts of the finale, really.

6. Hard Candy - Counting Crows

All the regrets you can't forget Are somehow pressed upon a picture In the face of such an ordinary girl This is where I really wish I was doing the fic meme...not that I actually have an idea, but, you know.  I have a mental picture within the TARDIS. 

7. Larger Than Life - Backstreet Boys

All of our time spent in flashes of light

YOU THOUGHT I COULDN'T DO IT.  BUT I DID.

8. Awake - Josh Groban (oh, I see we're back to the easy ones) We can't stay like this forever But I have you here today

9. Dignity - Hilary Duff Curses!  The game has defeated me.  This round. (unless we go meta and relate it to my lack of dignity in posting this) [let alone re-posting it]

10. Emily - Jewel One moment here, then gone With no forwarding address

Hard to pass mail between parallel worlds.

11. Ooh Oh - Keri Noble (ooh, oh, challenge?) What if I want you just to walk away From all the pain we have both been through?

*tilts head*  I mean, isn't that what he asks in the end?  Essentially? 

12. What Child is This - Josh Groban *rolls eyes*  Way to make it impossible on the very next selection.  See, in the fic meme, I could have set something during one of the Christmas specials.  But noooo, I had to be lazy. 13. Wait for You - Elliot Yamin (Oh, hell yes.  Just watch me.) Rose -> Doctor You're still in love with me Don't leave me crying

Doctor 2 -> Rose Why can't we just start over again, get it back to the way it was? If you give me a chance, I can love you right 14. Goodnight and Go - Imogen Heap

We'll have drinks and talk about things Any excuse to stay awake with you

The chorus would work beautifully for Martha, but this is about as good as I can get for Doctor/Rose. Still, not terrible; better than nothing.

15. A New Day Has Come - Celine Dion Televinita forfeits this round on the grounds that the song mocks and taunts her and sinks her further into the pit of despair.

16. Telling Stories -- Tracy Chapman Sometimes a lie is the best thing

Lie, a noun illustrated in both the sentence "and I'm him," and Rose's kiss.

17. Stay - Beth Hart When I was young, just a little girl I'd sing to the sun & dream with the world Now I got a suitcase full of memories ...I don't know; is a slight stretch.  I again wish I was doing the fic meme.  Little Rose would be delightful.

18. Still Standing - The Rasmus Wish I could have you by my side Tonight when the sky is burning Think I am going to Turn Left places with this one...

19. What Goes Around Comes Around - Justin Timberlake (BWAHAHA!  And yet:) Don't want to think about it Don't want to talk about it I'm just so sick about it Can't believe it's ending this way Sorry, that's my reaction to Doctor Who.  Here's the Doctor/Rose bit:

Is this the way it's really going down? Is this how we say goodbye? See, it's slightly different!

20. Buildings - Regina (slightly edited for repetition) She would ask for time And she would beg for time And he would give her time But time is not given and time is not taken Which clearly sums it up. 

Also, haha, WAY TO SIGNAL THAT THE GAME IS OVER, LIBRARY ("Doomsday").

...my music library and I have a special relationship.  Be quiet. 

And finally, just because I really want to share what sparked the game off...

Goodbyes - Jess Anderson Is it so wrong to want to stay now that I've found you?

[nemetonian-brainworm]

i'm gonna use this blog to just keep a record of my experiences primarily. might as well start now

First and foremost, i was agnostic for a solid 22 years. that changed about 2 months ago. Additionally, I have always been interested in various mythologies as well as geology. Crystalline minerals are commonly used in practices of paganism and witchcraft and I can already identify, like... most of them. It's pretty sweet.

after begging the universe, or any entity listening, for a very obvious sign (because i am obtuse) that i was heading in the right direction, i found an item that will help me start a business. after discussing with some very un-spiritual people (who agreed THAT HAS TO BE A SIGN), i decided...... to start exploring spirituality.

very soon after that, i had an experience where i believe the Morrígan, Rhiannon, OR Nemetona reached out to me. at this point i'm leaning towards the Morrígan or Nemetona, but I plan to worship both at this point.

during that experience, i did a tarot reading. fair warning, my deck is weird. i picked it up randomly a long time ago before doing much research, so i apologize for the weird combos of imagery from... just a TON of different cultures for some reason.

Initially, i wanted to do a 3 card reading (or whatever it's called, i haven't touched the deck since admittedly so apologies if i'm rusty of terminology but i remember the meaning of the cards i determined very well) to determine who was trying to speak to me, as I had been feeling some sort of call for a long time.

While I shuffled, the topmost card (six of wands) fell out. I had been ignoring the urge to use my tarot deck for months at this point, so I laughed when i looked up what the card means. I thought, is my deck or whoever is communicating with me through it saying "ugh, FINALLY! i've been trying to reach you [insert car warranty joke here]"

Bottom row, left to right: First card was meant to represent why the entity or deity was reaching out. Second was meant to represent who was reaching out, same with the third. The fourth was meant to be clarification on who it was, but.... ended up seeming more like clarification on "why" again. I was rather confused by it.

I think the chariot represents either the Morrígan (because of her (i believe secondary) aspect as a war goddess) and Rhiannon because of her connection with horses.

The Hermit I am almost certain is representative of Nemetona, goddess of the scared grove. I mean look at it, there's trees all over the card. Leafless ones, sure, but hey. I have further reasons, but most of them are based on like..... feelings i had during this process, i never exactly heard any words from anybody or saw anything. Is that what it's "supposed" to be like when one first starts out for lack of a better term? Ah, I digress...

Here's the important, juicy part of the story:

I saw three black birds, likely starlings based on size (i was on a phone call at the time and stupidly didn't properly identify them), perched on a lowish powerline that hangs across my backyard. Now, they stuck out to me because the power line is low to the ground, and despite the fact that i was less than ten feet from these birds, they didn't seem scared of or even so much as BOTHERED by me. In fact, they seemed to be observing me. Creepy in any other context, but for some reason, I was chill with it. Weird.

Now, the birds REALLY threw me for a loop. The Morrígan is symbolized by ravens and crows and is a triple goddess, but Rhiannon has three black birds too (iirc either ravens or crows *sigh*). THEN I FOUND OUT YESTERDAY THAT THERE'S A DEITY KNOWN AS BRANWEN WHO IS ASSOCIATED WITH STARLINGS.

As a result, at this point, i don't know who it was and i've been considering getting my tarot deck back out to clarify. I'm afraid to, though, as I know one of the most important aspects of witchcraft and/or paganism is protection of oneself.

Guess I should figure that out first....