#All Might's definitely a groomer lmao

[lilybecca1]

Uhm sooo...are we just going to ignore these?

[ravenadottir]

hi there!

a few days ago i made a post about the boys' heights all compared on a graph table (?), just so we could see the differences among them, most specifically gary and jakub, 'cause that to me is still fucking histerical. here's the post if you haven't seen it.

now, @mingkittish asked me to do one for the girls and casa guys, and i'm nothing but a clown with a hyper fixation on making graph tables lately so why the fuck not? request it and you shall receive!

future vena here... this is long as hell lmao. after i finished the entire damn post, i found a picture that didn't change a lot, but one fucking boy damned the entire graphic and i- i'm pissed! notice how carl is very close to gary in terms of height here? he might even seem a little taller since he's about two steps behind crane boy...

well, i had to redo the WHOLE THING. carl, bud, i need you to cooperate with me my guy, for fuck's sake.

this is all to say the post is gonna be based off this picture, which is nowhere to be found in the website, only on art station of one of the artists who worked on s2 design, but i digress.

as you can see... i was right about henrik and rahim being closer to noah's height, and noah being less than an inch from jakub. in this post i did say graham is taller than both of them, and it seems like a solid inch (2,5 cm, but i'm rounding it up to 3 cm), so that makes him 189 cm... he's huge, that's a solid foot taller than me, fuck.

but carl???? carl is not a short king. at least not as short as @justtuesdays and i thought. AND, during the playthrough, this is how carl comes across:

that's the canon i'm taking, because his knee and waist line do allign with gary in the previous pic, and in this one there's not much of a difference in the forehead alignment comparing them both. if you remove carl's hair (PLEASE DON'T, THAT WOULD BE NIGHTMARE FUEL), then carl would be roughly bobby's height, but he does look a bit taller, by probably 1 cm, so that places him slightly above bobby and gary, with 176 cm.

felix! he's a good few inches below lottie, but lottie has heels on in this pic so she's shorter than that because of them (i calculated hers just so i could do felix' and it's 168 cm), which might place blue hair boy on a solid 169 cm.

NOW... comparing the boys in casa amor, in the following pictures, and taking carl's recently discovered height under consideration, we can get kassam's, arjun's and elijah's.

on pic. 1, kassam seems to be just as tall as carl, based off everything. the three of them are folding their knee a bit, but it's the same amount. arjun though, seems to be a bit taller based off the shoulder and forehead line, so i'm giving him 178 cm and kassam 176 cm.

on pic. 2, i'll just have to estimate the difference between arjun and eliajh, who seems to be 1 cm taller than arjun, and if the dog groomer is 178 cm, that makes elijah 179 cm, at least the proportion seems to be that.

graham, right in the back and next to jakub (who i have calculated to be 186 cm previously), seems to be taller by 3 cm, just a little over an inch, so i'm putting him on 189 cm.

which makes the casa amor line up complete!!! (it took me like 90 minutes to do this, so just... celebrate with me, ok?)

so in conclusion... EVERYONE was looking up when talking to graham, weren't they? felix though? he looks like a lost toddler searching his parent and all he could find was graham.

also, may i remind you, gary also barked to graham at some point, and fish boy is even taller than jakub, so... I LOVE GARY'S BALLSY ATTITUDE. boy really doesn't give a fuck.

now, onto the girls!!

TRICKY. we have no reference except marisol being the shortest in casa amor, so definitely the shortest among the og's and chelsea.

BUT, if you consider the previous picture canon, which i am, then lottie is just as tall as gary, however! her foot is always arched even when out of heels, which looks like 3 inches (7,5 cm). doing the math using the relative height between them, you just have to subtract the 3 inches from the 175 cm, which is roughly 168 cm, or 5'6''.

with lottie's height out of th way, it's possible to draw a parallel between her and marisol. based off the images i gathered, marisol's and lottie's foreheads don't line up, and proportionally, it looks like a at least 3 cm of a difference between them. if lottie is 168 cm, then that makes marisol 165.

now, accounting for the heels, and comparing the line up, chelsea next to bobby looks just 1 cm shorter, but her heels seem to be 3 inches as well, which if you do the math it would be 175 cm minus 8 cm (1 cm shorter and 3 inches of heels, which makes her 167 cm. i'm not considering fifths and quarters of inches because they're not as relevant.

shannon's heels are significantly shorter, according to her sparkly intro, and look an inch smaller than lottie's, so they're 5 cm high (2 inches), which places her 4 cm taller than chelsea, which makes her 171 cm (?)... oh my god, hold on!

shannon's forehead lines up with lottie's, however, her heels are 2,5 cm shorter, which makes shannon 170,5 cm. let's round up to 171 cm. wow... i feel a little dizzy, that took me forever.

then we have hope, whose forehead lines up perfectly with marisol's, but i noticed her heels are shorter by at least 1 inch, so that's 2,5 cm, which places hope in at between 167 and 168 cm. the one thing that's throwing off is how much hope is actually arching to the side, and the fact that next to lottie, she looks shorter.

let's consider hope's arching to be 3-4 cm, because of the height of her shoulders. they match lottie's when side by side, even when her body is inclined, so that tells me she's closer to lottie's height, but she's taller, by just an inch, but she is, which makes her 170 cm!

moving on to priya! (i'm slowly losing my mind here). priya does seem to reach the same height as lottie when in comparison, but next to bobby, she's the same height as him minus 1 cm. considering her heels to be 2 inches high (5 cm), i'm placing her on 169 cm, which checks out with the lottie line up!

elisa. her heels do look like 3 inches, proportionally to her dimensions, and she looks lined up with lottie perfectly, so i guess they are the same height, 168 cm.

these girls are tall, man... alright, moving on!

jo. her heels are tall as shit, it could be 4 inches high (10 cm), and she's close to marisol when side by side, but apart from what it looks like 2 cm up, so i'm putting her on 168 cm because of the shoulder lining.

ok, now blake. considering she's arched, to what it seems like 3 inches, and her forehead seems to be 1 cm above marisol's, that would put her 8 cm above marisol. BUT, her heels are shorter by 1 inch, which makes her 10 cm taller than marisol. HOLY SHIT, THE GIRL IS A MONSTER.

in her line up with lucas, who's canonically 182 cm, she seems very close to his height, and if we consider her heels to be 4 inches, minus 1 inch of a difference to lucas' height, then yeah, she's towering every girl in the villa! that would make her roughly 174 cm.

so... the lineup is ridiculous, and repetitive!

so, just to recap, and keep all the heightsin one same place, from shortest to tallest:

marisol - 165 cm/~5'4''

chelsea - 167cm/5'5''

elisa, jo, lottie - 168 cm/5'6.1''

priya, felix - 169 cm/~5'6.4''

hope - 170 cm/~5'6.9''

shannon 171 cm/5'7''

blake - 174 cm/5'8''

bobby/gary - 175 cm/5'9''

carl/kassam - 176 cm/5'9.2

arjun - 178 cm/5'10''

elijah - 179 cm/5'10.4

rocco/lucas - 182 cm/6'0

ibrahim - 183 cm/~6'0

henrik - 184 cm/6'0.4''

noah - 185 cm/'6.'08''

jakub - 186 cm/6'1''

graham - 189/6'2

i hate the ft+in measurement, i truly do. but anyway, there you go, everyone in season 2 with their heights accounted for.

in case you're interested in the graph table maker i used, here's the link, it was really easy to use.

after this post i'm gonna lie down. this thing consumed all the brain i had left, which wasn't a lot. also, the post only allows ten pictures so i had to make it work. it might look a little messy but hopefully understandable.

anyway, i'm sleeping until next year, good bye!

[literaticat]

was there ever a book you´ve passed on and it ended up being a big success and you thought damn I should have signed? or a book you´ve passed on and then regretted it because you were in a bad mood when you read it and u wrote back the author said u changed your mind and asked if he or she would like to have a call but they said no or already signed with someone else?

no

*sunglass dude emoji*

In all seriousness, regrets like that are a total waste of time. First of all - I'm doing fine already. :-) But also:

If I turned the book down, it's because either I didn't like it, or I didn't think I could sell it well for one reason or another.

If I didn't like it -- I wouldn't want to work with it and have to read it and re-read it and live with it and work with it for potentially YEARS AND YEARS, even if you told me AHEAD of time it was going to be successful. Like -- sorry, but I don't want to do a shit-ton of work for and spend years of my life on something I don't like.

If I didn't think I could sell it well, but took it on anyway (which why would I, but OK) -- anyway, if I HAD I taken it on -- it probably WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN A BIG SUCCESS. Like, if somebody told me however-many years ago that I had to rep Twilight, I would have said, well, I don't think that's a good idea, but in this scenario I have to, so OK, Stephenie, let's tighten this up, take away all the pages full of gazing and weird 105 year old groomer stuff, etc. I might have sold it -- but I never would have sent it to the person who actually bought it in THIS timeline, because I didn't know that person at the time. So it would have been a probably a technically better and moderately successful but not sensation-making totally different book. Whatever weird secret sauce alchemy happened in this timeline to make that book blow up huge, just couldn't have been replicated in the other timeline. So... *whatever*

I have never passed on a book "because I was in a bad mood" -- I may have passed on a book WHILE I was in a bad mood, but it wasn't the MOOD that made me decide that. If I am in a *really* bad mood, I don't read queries, because that would certainly put me in a worse mood.

I have definitely never contacted the author and told them I changed my mind. LMAO.

Occasionally, I DO have regrets, but they come from a different place: If I have offered on a writer, and they chose a different agent. Boo-hoo :( -- but again I remind myself that hey, you can't win em all. (And sometimes, they end up coming back!)

[captainspite]

Ruslan (Rus)

Ruslan was born in the heart of Kyzyl, 26 minutes before his twin sister Alexandra.  Right into one of the most dangerous mafia empires in the world.  His father’s empire took part  in everything - drugs, weapon trade, the black market, fortune, murder, gambling.  However, his family was most skilled in black-mailing and murder.  Ruslan was not in the spotlight often, he was rather unrecognizable.  People did not run from him in the streets.  This made it especially easy for him to do several jobs.  Being a stealthy killer/hitman, taking the heads off of people before they even know he’s there.  Slipping into other’s beds in order to get access to top secret information (an escort, if you will). He had a taste for men, but a job is a job.  

Ruslan can’t deny that he had his fun with the mafia - power, alcohol, gambling, luxury, and ending those that had wronged his loved ones.  

But he had no loyalty to his cruel father, the mafia boss.  His father was a horrid wretched man who only had children so that they could do his bidding and eventually take over his empire.  His wife was nothing but a trophy to him, and she stayed with him because she knew he would kill her otherwise.  She became emotionally dead in order to survive.  Smoking, drinking, constantly disassociated.  He didn’t care about the lives he had ended or the families and businesses he had ruined.  People were just numbers to him. 

 His father believed he always got what he wanted.  Which meant a constant intake of innocent hostages for black-mail.  Poor poor innocent people, which Ruslan and Alexandra did not agree with.  This was the start of their revolution.  Stay under the radar, help as many hostages as possible to escape.  They couldn’t save everyone, but they had to try.  They were coined by the escapees as guardian angels, given the name when the escapees lived to tell the tales to outside sources.  This frustrated their father and other members, so they tried their hardest to keep up the act.  Keep up the murdering, some sacrifices had to be made or else they knew they would meet their own unfortunate fate for betrayal.  If they escaped, they knew the whole mafia would be chasing after them forever, as they knew all their secrets of the family.  

Then came the meeting of Aspen.  Sometimes Ruslan would be tired, anxious, plagued by his own guilt.  He needed an escape.  He would go to his favorite coffee shop in the city.  The quiet nice part of the city, but still with enough people where the mafia wouldn’t dare try to interact with him.  Ruslan was scrolling through his phone as he walked away from the shop and towards the train station when he bumped roughly into Aspen.  Aspen who was in a rush and was running as fast as they possibly could across the city.  Ruslan spilled his coffee all over Aspen, and was about to be pissed until he realized how attracted he actually was to Aspen, lmao.  They both tried to apologize profusely but to no avail since Aspen spoke German and not Russian, and Ruslan spoke Russian but not German.  This resulted in them communicating in mostly broken English to each other.  Ruslan took an interest in Aspen and gave them his phone number so that he could buy them another coffee the next day.  Which then became almost a daily occurrence of them meeting up to chat, and Ruslan was building up the courage to ask Aspen on a date.  The only thing that kept him from asking was the fear of what might happen to him if someone found out.  

And someone did find out anyway.  But it was a rival crime family that wanted info out of Ruslan.  Aspen was kidnapped and taken hostage, tied up in a chair in the middle of an abandoned warehouse.  Pictures were sent to Ruslan, as blackmail to catch Ruslan.  Ruslan could have ignored it and kept going with his life and family unchanged.  But the guilt would have been too much for him.  He showed up obviously, and with his sister as backup because she wouldn’t let him go alone.  Partners in crime.  Aspen was in plain view in the seemingly empty warehouse with the giant doors open.  Rus saw Aspen, Aspen saw Rus.  Aspen saw the fighting and them opening fire on the rival gang.  Someone had moved close to Aspen to try and stop Ruslan from shooting the gang, knowing Ruslan wouldn’t keep shooting if Aspen would get hurt.  Somewhere in the middle, everything went wrong.  There was smoke, and movement, and chaos.  Aspen had been moved.  Ruslan heard the impact of his bullets hitting in the chaos.  Then, there was silence.  They were successful in claiming blood from the enemies that didn’t escape… but he had also killed Aspen.  He knew that stupid blue hair anywhere.  He had killed Aspen and he was going to have to live with that guilt for the rest of his life.  That Aspen knew they had been brutally killed by Ruslan.  

Not that the rest of his life was that long anyway.  Someone had discovered one day that Ruslan was one of the ones freeing people, and his life ended at the hands of his own father.  Blah blah blah he ascends to the afterlife, finds out all the secrets of the afterlife.  That the myths are true.  That he had lived his last life but it was chosen in his destiny that he was an Angel. Once he had (barely) learned to carry himself, he felt his gut calling him.  Telling him what he needed to do.  He didn’t know who, he just felt that he had to protect someone.  And where he was.  So he took off, flying until he quite literally crashed into someone.  Someone with stupid blue hair.  

Aspen

Aspen was honestly just an unfortunate victim of casuality.  He had been visiting Russia with his whole family for a few weeks, met a cute boy, and was… then murdered by that boy.  When he had been taken hostage, he had no idea what was going on.  Didn’t know it had anything to do with Ruslan.  When he saw Ruslan he was filled with mixed feelings.  Angry and betrayed because that meant he was here because of him, but also relieved because he knew Ruslan had showed up to try and save him.  He had hope.  Then there was chaos.  And then Ruslan’s gun aimed dangerously close to his direction.  And then nothing.

Then reincarnation.  

In his next/last life he was.. Normal.  Leading a normal life.  Or so he thought.  He had an average life, his parents were assholes and wanted him to become a doctor or something important, but he wanted to make art.  So he had done everything on his own, moved into a city and got his own apartment to go to art school.  He made a friend named Alex who was a manager/groomer at a pet shop in town and eventually gave him a job there.  He became best friends with her!   

Then one quiet day he was out walking an empty field to relax when someone literally dropped from the heavens and crashed into him out of nowhere.  Freaking Aspen the fuck OUT.  Once Ruslan had regained consciousness and composure from his crash, he was met with Aspen screaming profanities at him in German that he didn’t really understand.  He realized how much Aspen was probably freaked out.  He couldn’t really understand Aspen, but he caught a few English obscenities such as “wings”.

Anyway blah blah blah, eventually Aspen understood that Ruslan was trying to say he only spoke Russian and Aspen was able to translate himself into Russian for Ruslan but not the other way around because he didn’t know Russian characters or spelling to decipher Ruslan’s pronunciation.  They played word games with English until Ruslan eventually got it across to him that he was his Guardian Angel.  Of course Aspen didn’t believe him and thought that maybe he was seeing things, maybe he had finally lost it.  Aspen went home with his angel trailing after him, and slammed the door in Rus’ face when he got home.  Could Rus use his powers to be able to open or pass through the door?  Maybe, but he was still a baby angel learning how to use his fucking wings so that’s what he did.  He flew onto Aspen’s balcony.  Aspen freaked out more, and decided to sleep it off, maybe it was sleep deprivation causing hallucinations.  He woke and realized they were not sleep hallucinations and this was something he was going to have to deal with, starting with inviting Rus inside.  Besides, if it was just his imagination, at least he wasn’t hurting anything - and if it was a creep pretending to be an angel, they DEFINITELY wouldn’t be able to fly.  

Aspen was so distressed that he took a week off from classes to try and cope.  He couldn’t deal with the situation very well anyway, considering him and Rus couldn’t really understand each other.  

Rus was one of the most intimidating and rude people he had ever seen, it was so hard for him to understand how such a dick became a Guardian Angel.   Rus had seemed scared and startled when he crashed, but now Rus was just cold.  It was clear he didn’t want to be there any more than Aspen did.  Purposefully pretending not to be able to hear Aspen.  Making snide comments about how they should stay out if each other’s way since he knew Aspen didn’t want this either.  Rus made it seem like he was only there because he had to be.  Half of it was because Rus was struggling to deal with his guilt, and the other half was because that was all he knew.  Growing up in the mafia in a traumatic household where he had no option but to be ruthless.

Eventually he understood Rus was a permanent part of his daily life.  Everywhere he went, Rus followed like a puppy.  To class, to grocery stores, on walks.  Surely he could handle a walk on his own?  But he just couldn’t shake Rus, with him insisting literally anything could happen.  Rus freaked out and got mad at Aspen when Aspen burned himself on the stove!!  Forcing Aspen to sit as Rus tended to his almost non-existent wound as if he had been stabbed.

Rus and Aspen

Back to Rus.  Rus realized how fucked he was when he realized who Aspen was.  And that his sole purpose was to protect him.  Even though he literally fucking killed him in his past life, and he was reminded of this every single day when he saw Aspen.  What he had done.  How he was a murderer and surely the heavenly gods made a mistake.  And soon all of his thoughts were just filled with Aspen.  The way he carried himself.  The way his hair fell into his eyes.  How gracefully his hands moved when he created art.  His stubbornness.  His baby snores.  The way his laugh sounded exactly like it did in his past life, and his dimple that was now on the opposite side.  God, Rus was gay.  He knew he needed to knock it off, he was there to protect him without distractions.  Besides, Aspen deserved a human, mortal partner and he was going to steal him from that.  He needed to disconnect.  Aspen resumed his classes, even picking up English classes since he knew Rus would follow him and they could learn how to communicate better, in English.  

And then, he finally decided to try and return after a month.  After ghosting his only friends for a month.  Inviting Alex out for a walk to hang out, since he desperately needed to talk about this crazy situation, or just to be distracted since he probably didn’t want to sound crazy to Alex.  You would not BELIEVE the earful he got when Alex spotted him across the field. Yelling and waving her arms as she marched across to Aspen.  But she got startled and asked Aspen why there was a tall scary dude behind him who had WINGS.  

Rus stopped dead in his tracks.  And choked when he recognized her.  Alexandra.  But she clearly did not remember him.  Aspen was so relieved that he could talk about what was going on.  So they all talked.  Alex was way more willing to believe and understand the situation than Aspen was after days.  Rus had explained that only people he had been in contact with in their past lives were able to see him, but wouldn’t elaborate on what their relationship was.  Until they got home and Aspen wouldn’t stop asking, so he told Aspen that Alex was his sister and nothing more.  No matter how much he begged.  Aspen then also began asking what his relationship was with Rus in the past.  Rus just seemed uncomfortable.  The dude seemed like he could barely stand him now, there was no way they were anything more than acquaintances.  Surely.  

Slowly, through the following months, Rus started dropping his guard.  Becoming more comfortable.  Speaking more, asking questions more about the modern world.  Sharing small stories from his past.  Aspen even got a few small laughs out of Rus because of stupid jokes, which he considered a victory.  Then eventually, Rus caved.  He explained to Aspen that he didn’t want to tell him because he didn’t want Aspen to know what a monster he really was.  Rus told him all about his past life - his family, the mafia, the hits he had carried out.  But he still refused to tell Aspen about how he knew him, and insisted he didn’t know how Aspen died.  

Aspen didn’t even seem that worried about having a literal murderer in his apartment, but Rus couldn’t make eye contact with him out of shame.  Aspen listened patiently, and was silent for a while afterwards as he collected his thoughts.  He thanked Rus for telling him.  Then eventually told him that he wasn’t scared or upset.  That he still.. Trusted Rus?  He felt there was a reason Rus was assigned to be a literal Guardian Angel, so he couldn’t have been all that bad.  Maybe he was just doing what he would to survive.  

Aspen wasn’t the happiest person in the world, either.  He struggled with bouts of depression and minor self-harm.  He had family trauma.  He struggled keeping friendships.  He wasn’t too thrilled when Rus came along either, and it took him a long time to come around to being okay with the way things were.  A long time to realize he was stuck with Rus for now and he had no option other than trust him.  And he didn’t like that.  He didn’t want a friendship.  Until all that time passed.. They got more used to each other.  Then Rus told him about his mafia past.

Their bond only grew stronger after that.  Rus still taking a little longer to come around because of the guilt he carried, but they got comfortable with each other nonetheless.  He even found himself enjoying hanging out with Aspen more and more.  Aspen would openly come to Rus for reassurance when he felt scared and like he wanted protection.  Protection physically at night, in creepy situations, when he visited his terrible parents, or even just… bad mentally.  Rus of course always vowed to protect him and offer any words he could, keeping an eye out for people following him, where to go or what to do if something were to happen.  It was nice.  

Until Aspen started having nightmares at least once a week.  Rus caught them before Aspen did.  At first neither of them thought anything of it, Aspen not even mentioning it because he thought they were just nightmares.  But Rus started listening to Aspen when Aspen started talking and yelling in his sleep.  Yelling about… him?  Something about guns or people capturing him?  Oh no.  He realized.  These weren’t just nightmares, they were memories.  Aspen was reliving memories.  Memories about the life that Rus ended.  Aspen kept getting them, and then realizing they were recurring.  And how on edge Rus seemed when Aspen brought them up.  They didn’t feel like normal nightmares… they felt real.  He got a sudden distaste for coffee.

[memoirsofatomboi]

Super Major Life Update lol

1. March 10, 2016 was the day I found out I was diabetic and the day I quit eating meat. It has now been 14 months since I quit and it definitely paid off. I’m down 28lbs. My A1C level has lowered. I feel so much better overall. Best decision I ever made. I still eat fish, but it is so sparingly now I feel I can quit that too. Maybe sometime soon. 2. I got fired from Petsmart. I was so fckd up over it because I genuinely loved my job and the salon associates. I was devastated until I found a position as a mobile groomer. I now make a ton more money, I make my own schedule, the customers tip well and I’m happy. I made a grooming page on IG (yggrooms) and it’s slowly but surely gaining me clientele. I’m so sure about this job that… 3. I’m going back to school. Originally, right after high school, my major was vet tech. I went to the gen eds but didn’t give a fck cause it was my first year and I bullshitted. I applied to the program and didn’t get in. I applied again and didn’t get in. An academic advisor said to fix my transcript to make it more appealing, I did, applied, and didn’t get in. By this time I had started grooming. I found my passion in that because generally all I wanted to do was work with animals. I do that now. So, I’m switching my major to chemical engineering. I know, such a contrast from vet tech but I need something to fall back on if a dog bites me the wrong way some day. Also, this job has literally no benefits. I’m legally self employed. If I’m off work, I’m just off. No sick days. No vacation days. No pto. If I’m off, I just miss out on a days worth of money. I mean, it’s good now but not for the future family I hope to create. I was gonna pursue math but like 3 more classes I’d get an engineering degree and like 5 more classes I can have a chemical concentration so I'ma get my associates degree and then transfer to Morgan. I go back this fall. I'ma stay focused. 4. My love life is a fckn disaster LMAO. After I stopped dating Koya I started fckn with this girl named Michelle. All was good, but I felt like she just wanted to fck me and nothing else because I never fckd a girl and she wanted to be my first. I’m just like, damn can you get to know me first? I’m a great person! Lmao but that wasn’t her focus. So despite my initial attraction to her, I was turned off. And, after the shit I found out about her, I’m glad I didn’t fck her lol. I started fckn with this guy but his ass was way too old to be acting how he was acting so I stopped fckn with him. I very briefly kinda talked to this girl I worked at Petsmart with but I think my attraction was a “I can save her” one and she clearly ain’t want saving lol. We still chat and flirt. She wants to take me out on a picnic. I don’t think I'ma go lol. Before all them, and kinda during all them, is R. R is a guy I started fckn like seven years ago after I broke up with my ex. Initially, all we did was fck to make up for the nonexistent sex life I had in my relationship and that’s all I wanted. For like two (maybe three) of those years he had a girlfriend, which I respected, so I started fckn other niggas. We reconnected on a dating app and we fckd same week. I started to like him. I mean, I’m kinda ready for a relationship so I relay that to him since he stated that if I had mentioned it before he wouldn’t have gotten with the girl he was with. But I knew he wouldn’t be ready for a relationship so he said we could “build a foundation”. I’m thinking, communication, consistency, dates, ya know, foundation building type shit. I barely heard from this nigga unless we was fckn. If I asked a question it was a problem. It just wasn’t right, and my feelings was involved. So I cut him off. Obviously I was wrong for that. So I told him maybe we could just fck and that’s it. I was wrong for that. So I cut him off again. I invited him to my goddaughter’s grandmother’s birthday party, he came. I got drunk. We discussed some shit. I ended up “wasting his time”. He cut me off. I was basically kissing ass. I got tired of that. The communication lacked. I cut him off again. He said he loved me and that he’d do anything to make it right but I knew it was bullshit. I stood by my words but I couldn’t get him off my mind for shit. Even while fckn with another guy, Dre. I met Dre on a dating website lol. I like him a lot but I think something wrong with me lol. R just fcks me so well. Like, so so well. Our sexual chemistry is perfect. Everything else is off. Dre is a good guy, we had sex once but I was sleepy. Like, dead sleepy, so I couldn’t get into it. I’m pretty sure he’s a great lay but I’m stuck on dumb ass R. It pisses me off. Dre was perfect at first but now he’s just like R. No communication. No consistency. And I know it’s because he was laid off and is finally back working and playing bill catch up but still. I’m trying to be understanding. And I do care about him. But I work EVERY DAY. I still find time to attempt to check on him only to not get a response. I suggest going out. He can’t. I even offered to pay, because I know he’s behind and I’m thinking he don’t want to go out simply because he has to put his money toward bills. Nope. It’s just, I’m not getting what I want and it leads me back to R because hey, at least I’m guaranteed a nut our seven. And the longevity is there. But I’m not about to be fckn a nigga I have feelings for for another seven fckn years because he’s not ready for a relationship. ***I should pause this update to mention that R just left. I done put this post in my drafts like seven times lol. But, we fckd. I moaned “I hate you” in his ear, he told me I didn’t mean that and fckd me harder. I really do hate him. Prior to the sex, I told him we should just be friends and then see what happens. We hashed out our issues I guess. He told me he can’t be my friend. Said we were already friends. I said no we aren’t. He kept touching me. His touch makes me weak. He knows this. I wanted it. Bad. Before he even came over. I knew that’s what I wanted. But I put up a “fight” because I know he don’t deserve it. But I knew I was gonna give it to him anyway. Something is truly wrong with me smh. Anyway, I’m not gonna stop seeing Dre if he ever comes back around. Well once he get his shit together on his end financially. Our connection isn’t completely lost, he’s just working hard to get back on top of bills and I understand that. I of all people know what it’s like to not have money. Hell, I’ve even given him money toward small shit like gas and food. I should mention that when I met him he wasn’t like this lol. He was on his shit. But his job is contractual. He was out of work for a month due to it ending and the next contract not starting when it was supposed to. So, I get it. I just want him to catch up and come back to me. I think it’s something there that’s worth exploring. I know me and R will never do more than fck. And if we attempted a relationship, it won’t work. He’s a Pisces. My ex is a Pisces. I’m a Pisces. Pisces-Pisces is a horrible pair to began with. Ironically, our sexual desires are mutual which is basically what keeps up from completely quitting each other. Like I said, a fckn disaster lol. 5. I found out the “straightest” girl I know has an attraction to women. I’m literally still reeling over that lol. Me personally, I think gender attraction is fluid but I think I may be going based off my own experiences. It wasn’t until Koya that I even ever had an attraction to women lol. After her, I’ve just been neutral about it. I wouldn’t consider myself bi lol. Just, idk, not gonna miss out on someone or something real because they’re the same gender as myself. Not finna block my blessings lol. But there’s always that girl that you could never imagine wanting to be with another girl, until she text you about her there is a girl that makes her wet and she wants to taste her. Changes your whole perspective lol. 6. One of my brothers has a baby on the way. Or possibly has a baby on the way. I don’t care, but the fact kills me because they’re incompetent. Both not capable of raising a child because he’s only 19, jobless, and didn’t complete highschool. She’s, just as lacking. My mom is about to be a grandparent to the child of the child that caused her the most grief and pain due to his actions. I just pray they don’t drive her insane. I can’t stand seeing her stressed. They’re taking a paternity test, am I wrong for hoping it isn’t his? 7. Ever since my other brother moved to PA, we don’t talk. I keep up with him from his daily snapchats. We text every now and then about our dysfunctional family but that’s it. He’s changed. He smokes weed now, drinks constantly, and just lives recklessly. My mom doesn’t know. He flaunts all this money around on social media but always cries broke to her. On Mother’s Day he came down and bought my mom a card and flowers. That’s it. Might I mention he didn’t even read the card long enough to see that was a Happy Nurse’s Day card and not one for the occasion. She didn’t care. She was happy to see him. I got her a discovery flight experience, took her to a comedy show and paid for everything, plus flowers, chocolate, and a card. She was excited for that too, but it’s evident he’s still the golden child. Despite everything, and the wrong he’s done, he can still do no wrong. Baffling. I truly don’t think this is an issue with my mom, but with my brother. He does the bare minimum every birthday and Mother’s Day while I go above and beyond and the gratitude is the same. And he makes the money to do something more meaningful for her. I want to do what he do but I just, she’s our mother. I think she can get more than a card and some flowers every damn holiday. Maybe I’m just jealous. I miss the old him. 8. While at Petsmart me and a coworker adopted a 12 year old Jack Russell terrier from a lady who had to move in with her mom at a nursing home so she couldn’t take him with her. He had a slew of health problems but he stole our hearts so we couldn’t resist, plus, a shelter would have killed him. His name was Dinks. We coparented him for 6 months before he died on my dad’s birthday in September. We were heartbroken. I mean, it tore me to pieces. I cried so damn hard and she did too. It took a minute for us to recover. He had dermatitis so he used to thump his back leg on his front leg to scratch himself. For a long while after his passing I’d still hear little ghost thumps. He was just so perfect and I wish I could’ve spent an eternity with him. I’ll never forget the little dude. Since then, she adopted a coonhound from a shelter and I adopted a chihuahua mix from a lady on Craigslist. We’re both happy with our new pets but Dinks still has a place in our hearts. Maybe this post will have a part two but that’s my life in a nutshell. A fckn mess with a few good things. I might go back to my daily posts but I had to put this somewhere so I can clear my head space. My mind just runs rampant with all the things and I have to put it somewhere or it’ll be cluttered lol. This public post is basically for me lol. But, you’re welcome.