#Alexa play Tubthumping by Chumbawamba

[sorceresssundries]

in other news I got this through at pretty much the exact same time as horrible anon.

Sorry lads, looks like you're stuck with me for a while.

[jaskierx]

this is so hopeful alexa play tubthumping by chumbawamba

[userparamore]

#hey alexa play tubthumping by chumbawamba

PARAMORE chicago, il | nov. 9th

(x, x)

[lavender-annd-lilac]

Omg this was such a trip. I was hooked 😮

⚠️My usual disclaimer: nervous attempts at humour = my love language and the only way I know how to show appreciation for things I enjoy. Advance apologies for anything that might offend 😅

"This says humans are apes, but I thought we're related to monkeys. What's the difference? Aren’t those the same thing?"

Me rn:

Is this… a dumb question😳?? Would… my friend be a dumb person if they didn’t know the answer to this question? Also what is the answer to this question (asking for a friend)

He didn't realize she was having this much trouble grasping the most basic of concepts in the class.

Ok chill with the disdainful italics Einstein. Who died and made u Judge Judy?

Instead of worrying about simply seeing her breasts across the desk, Bucky now has to worry about feeling them as she leans to point at the text.

As I said in class, there'll be a map of Africa and a list of significant fossils.

I’d ace this test tbh🤓. Every good trainer knows most fossil Pokémon can be found on Cinnabar Island. Just make sure to bring a Lapras that knows whirlpool!!

He moves onto the next paper, wanting to finish grading tonight so he can hand them back tomorrow

Whoa whoa whoa, ur telling me he hand graded all the papers in one sitting and gave them back the next day?? I’ve literally had to wait WEEKS to get those bubble exams back that are marked by a computer 😭

Come the next day, Bucky sets the stack of graded papers on the back row

Cool, so everyone can just see everyone else’s mark hahahaha not embarrassing at all 😳

Bucky tries distracting himself – answering emails, planning lectures, researching

Oh so distracting himself means… doing his literal job? Lmao

“You’re a little late today. I was getting worried someone might have kidnapped you,”

*kill bill sirens going off* 🚨🚨🚨

While he’s rarely disappointed with his own work,

dude why can’t u have imposter syndrome like the rest of us smh

“I just… I studied so hard for that exam

Me, to myself after slacking off the whole semester and doing one hardcore all nighter the night before failing organic chemistry

Thus, he decides to take the respectful, professional, morally-upstanding road.

I mean, idk if choosing to not be predatory towards your students is “morally upstanding” behaviour… seems like, an unnecessary accolade he’s giving himself there but whatever lol

"I think you just need to keep studying hard and you'll eventually see the pay-off,"

Alexa, play

Sitting with her is truly the highlight of his Mondays and Wednesdays

Ok so someone obviously doesn’t watch WWE Monday night Raw. I’ll give him Wednesdays tho…Main Event is very meh and I don’t think AEW was a thing at this point

Checking his watch,

Lol ok boomer (haha jk no offence to anyone who wears a watch 😖 y’all can laugh at me when my phone dies in public and I lose all sense of reality)

Bucky couldn’t be happier. Not only is he proud of her academic improvements under his tutelage, but also the way he’s gotten her to blossom.

Why are dudes like this fr tho. Like, from Pinnochio to Pygmalian to Frankenstein’s monster… they’re just always like “look what I made!!! Look what happened because of ME!!! Who has two thumbs and can improve anything??? It’s ME!!” Bitch pls 🙄

But can you blame him?

Is this a rhetorical question or

The door opens before Bucky even has a chance to tell the person to enter.

Oh shit didn’t realize my mom was in this story😆 (seriously, why do parents even knock if they are just going to bust in anyway smh)

“Well, I was just headed to the department meeting and noticed your light was still on. I wasn’t sure if you were in here since you’re usually very punctual to these.”

Haha in my head, she’s like one of those ppl that turns off the light everytime they leave the room even if they have to come back in a min bc it “saves energy”

💡

“I don’t mind waiting. We can walk together,” Maria offers, planting herself in the doorway.

No way in hell I’m letting u leave that light on. Do u know how many lightbulbs end up in landfills each year??

needing to keep up a purely professional facade now that they have a witness

Super disconcerting when “witness” is used in a non legal/criminal context. Super. Disconcerting.

Maria turns her back to him and starts walking

Her inner monologue, delivered over film noir music: Another day, any other small amount of energy saved.

“Who the fuck did this?” He whispers incredulously.

Ok like, why is he so mad tho? Literally every profs office I have seen had nothing of value inside lol like no one wants your Tupperware of grapes, half dead plant, or random ass stack of old newspapers man

Break his door just to cause a scene? He can’t make sense of it.

I feel like as an anthro prof he should know better lol. Kids get drunk/high/bored and do shit. A couple floors of a residence building burned down on my campus bc someone managed to light an elevator on fire lmao

Anyway I bet it was Maria bc he left the light on again and she could see it from underneath his door so she had to break in to turn it off

“Maybe I can find us a hotel or–”

Girl nooooo, true crime 101, NEVER GO TO A SECOND LOCATION 😫

He likes it a little rough; he’s sure she won’t mind.

I just feel like this dude has some Patrick Bateman/American Psycho vibes rn

He immediately stops thrusting. “Whoa! Hey, what’s wrong?” He turns her head to him, looking over her face.

Oh shit does he have a conscience? 😧

While he’s not the gentlest of lovers, Bucky’s not a sadist.

I mean… that’s still a pretty big spectrum tho. Like, “it’s not a trash dumpster, but it’s not a Michelin star restaurant either”

“Please sit down, Professor Barnes,” she says harshly.

Me: ooohhh snap, something is about to go down

She turns it around to show him the screen, hitting the spacebar to play a video.

It’s this video lmao

The footage shows the length of her bed, the camera seemingly hidden by the headboard.

GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO realness!!! Yaaasss Queen

“Uh… sweetheart… what is this?” He asks carefully.

Wow. I didn't realize he would have this much trouble grasping the most basic of concepts 🙄😏

"I-I don't understand…," Bucky says, confusion clouding his head.

I’m cackling rn. I think he just needs to keep studying hard and he’ll eventually see the pay-off, 😂

“Do you remember when I told you my roommate moved out last semester?” She ignores his question. “I never told you why she moved out.”

Omg Promising Young Woman vibesss🥹

But, thankfully, she's doing better now – not great, but better.

Ok phew 😮‍💨 bc when she said “her life” I was like 😰😰😰

Did you honestly think I was that clueless?

Oh wait…so the ape/monkey question at the beginning was really supposed to be a dumb question huh… 😳

"I've come to show you that you're wrong. That judgement day has finally come."

Yaaasss gurl, go all Old Testament god on his ass

Who's going to look out for them?

Maria comes in and is like, “well, I’m already constantly snooping around looking for lightbulbs that need to be turned off, so I guess I could do it”

acting very convincingly as an air-headed student the whole semester

Ok like….I don’t even think it was that dumb a question tho like aren’t apes and monkeys different animals??? RIGHT????? 😥😥😥

“And if you release that video, you think things will bode well for you? That my reputation is the only one that’ll be tarnished?"

Something something Kim K releasing the audio with Taylor and Kanye

While sleeping with his students is ethically wrong, it’s not illegal.

lyrics from “Problematic” by Bo Burnham

He’s lost, been bested. And by some damn college girl, no less. 

Haha his “if it weren’t for you meddling kids college girls” scooby doo villain moment

I loved this ending haha

Teacher’s Pet

College AU

Summary: It’s the start of a new semester and a student has caught Bucky’s eye. He wants to maintain a professional boundary between them, but can he hold himself back? For how long?

Pairing: Professor!Bucky Barnes x Student!Reader

Word Count: ~9.1k (forgive me)

Warnings: language, Bucky is a narcissist, manipulation/grooming, deceit, abuse of power, praise kink-ish, mentions of depression/suicide ideation, SMUT 18+ (vaginal sex, rough sex, spanking), NON-CON aspects, additional warnings at the end

A/N: Hello! So, I know, it’s not a very original title for a teacher x student fic. But, whatever. Sue me. I need to warn you: dark fic ahead. While I normally like to be transparent in my warnings, in order to avoid spoilers, I have included additional warnings at the end of the fic. So, if you need to, please scroll to the bottom to read them before continuing. (Also, there’s spoilers hidden in the tags. So, feel free to avoid/check those depending on if you want to remain spoiler-free or not.) Anywho, this was written for @nastybuckybarnes​’ Nasty AU Challenge! Congrats on 7k, Lex! As a general disclaimer: I DO NOT condone the actions depicted below. To any and everyone who reads this, I hope you enjoy! Gif from Google.

Bucky writes on the whiteboard, making sure today’s lesson plan is laid out in great detail. He keeps his back to the students entering the classroom, but throws a “Welcome, take a seat” over his shoulder every time he hears the shuffle of feet. It’s the first day of the spring semester and Bucky wants to set a good standard for himself. He has a reputation to uphold, after all.

Five minutes before class starts, Bucky finishes writing out the lesson plan. Finally, he turns to face the class, getting a first look at the fresh meat for this semester.

It’s a relatively small class, but Bucky prefers it that way; it’s easier to get on a more one-on-one basis in smaller classes. Taking a quick head count, Bucky sees a few students still have to arrive. Hopefully they’ll be timely, he thinks. Being late on the first day is a hell of a way to make a first impression.

As if on command, the door at the back of the room opens. A young woman walks in, dressed in heavy winter gear in an attempt to bear the frigid January weather. Her head is slightly bowed as she walks through the room, heading to the front row. Once taking a seat, she shrugs out of her parka.

Bucky’s eyes immediately lock onto her chest – her low-cut blouse providing an ample viewing of her breasts. Well… that’s certainly one way to make a first impression. Checking his watch, he sees class has officially started.

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