#Alex Cabot daughter

[ravensinthedaylight]

Person over phone: We have your kid. Alex Cabot: What are your demands? Person on phone: ARE YOU INSANE?!? THE SCHOOL IS CLOSING, COME AND GET HER NOW!!!!

[alexandra-cabots]

Cragen and Alex | 5.04 "Loss"

[miss-soph-star]

Alex Cabot x Daughter x Casey Novak (First Day at School)

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It's Alex and Casey's daughters first day at school, Alex feels a sense of nostalgia watching as y/n is dressed in the same uniform she remembers wearing in her childhood, but she can't help feel the pressure of her families legacy as the day unfolds.

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As the sun shone radiantly, the day began in New York City. The gentle warmth emanating though the wrap around windows of their penthouse, and the hubbub of the city exuded below. Excitement and nerves were palpable in the Cabot-Novak household, as Alex and Casey woke their daughter for her first day at school. Alex tried desperately to combat the anxiety bubbling within her stomach as she prepared y/n for the day. Y/n would be attending the prestigious preparatory school Alex herself had once attended and her mother before her. The Cabot family had a legacy to uphold within the school and y/n their newest edition was ready to join the ranks.

The familiar scent of freshly washed and pressed uniforms wafted through the house, Alex’s signature fresh vanilla detergent, a crisp, clean scent, mingling with the aroma of breakfast that Casey was preparing in the kitchen, for y/n’s big day. "Okay, sweetheart, let’s get you dressed," Alex said, a soft smile tugging on her glossy lips as she laid out the tiny navy pinafore and pink blouse on the bed. The uniform was a perfect fit for Y/n, adorned with the school’s badge and motto. Y/n was already bouncing around unable to contain her emotions, her eyes wide with anticipation and excitement. Y/n giggled, her freshly curled ringlets bouncing as she hopped from her bed. "Mommy, I can’t wait! I want to make so many new friends!" Her enthusiasm was infectious, and Alex couldn’t help but feel a wave of nostalgia wash over her, remembering her own first day at the same school, the mix of excitement and nerves, the thrill of meeting new classmates, and the memories that had shaped her childhood allowing her to go forward and pursue her own legacy, in hindsight of her predecessors.

As Alex helped Y/n slip into her baby pink blouse, she couldn’t help but muse on her own time at the school. "You know, Y/n, when I was little just like you, I wore this same uniform and I made so many friends, and I learned so much, just as you will. Your mommy’s clever girl and you are going to do amazing. Just remember your manners and you’ll make so many new friends." Alex hastily fastened the pearl white buttons with care, her fingers brushing against the crisp fabric, as Y/n watched her mother in awe. “I will mommy, I promise.”

Alex smiled up at her daughter, “Do you want mommy to do your hair princess?” Y/n nodded, as Alex guided her over to the vanity mirror and chair, Y/n swivelled her legs onto the seat watching as Alex stepped behind her in the mirror. Alex gently brushed through her soft curls, as she tied half of them back, before clipping in a small pink bow clip, to match her blouse. “You look beautiful princess. I am already so proud of you.” As the moment lingered, Casey peeked into the little girl’s room, a warm smile on her face as she watched the two interact. "You look absolutely gorgeous, Y/n sweetheart!" she exclaimed, her heart swelling with pride, just admiring her wife and daughter. "Just like your mom when she was little. I cannot believe how grown-up you are!"

Y/n twirled around, her pinafore swishing with her movements, as the silver clasps shone, in the glint of sunlight peeking through the curtains. "Do I look like a princess?" she asked, her eyes sparkling with joy, in waiting for her mama’s response. "You always look like a princess, my little superstar," Casey replied, kneeling to give Y/n a hug. "Are you ready for your big adventure?" Casey quested, and with a determined nod, Y/n affirmed, "I’m ready, to meet my new friend’s mama!" The three of them shared a gentle laugh, Alex felling her heart swell at the sight of her partner and their daughter together, in an embrace so full of love and trust.

Once Y/n was fully dressed, Alex helped her into her new shiny black buckle shoes before putting on her backpack as the trio made their way to the school. The sun shone overhead as they walked hand in hand, the sound of Y/n’s laughter echoing through the bustle of the city, as her shiny shoes clunked along the concrete. Alex and Casey held her hands, Y/n occasionally looking up at both her mother’s dress in their daily suits for work, as their heels clacked. Y/n wanted to be like them one day and she knew that started now.

As they approached the grand entrance of the prep school, Alex felt a rush of memories flood back; the large iron gates, the manicured lawns, and the historic steps loomed in front of them, each corner steeped in her history. "Mommy, is this where you learned to read and write?" Y/n asked, her childish curiosity piqued as she gazed up at the impressive structure. "Yes, it is, sweetheart. This is where I found my love for law." Alex replied, her voice tinged with nostalgia. "And I hope you find your own special things here, too." As they reached the gates, Alex and Casey felt Y/n’s hands squeeze their own tighter, Alex knelt to meet Y/n’s gaze, straightening her blouse’s collar.

"Remember, if you ever feel nervous, just take a deep breath and think of all the fun you’re going to have. You’re going to make so many friends, and you’ll learn so much." Casey chimed in laying her hand comfortingly on Y/n’s back, "And we’ll be right here waiting for you when you finish your first day. We can’t wait to hear all about it." With a final hug and kiss, they waved Y/n off with her new teacher as she bounded through the gates, her little backpack bouncing with each enthusiastic step. Alex and Casey stood together, watching their daughter disappear into the building, a mix of pride and emotion swelling in their hearts.

Walking to the DA’s office, knowing where y/n was felt different, the sound of y/n’s normal laughter was no longer there, so instead Alex buried her hand in Casey’s and Casey ever observant to her wife’s lingering anxiety, wrapped an arm around her waist in comfort. Reaching the DA’s office, the duo parted to their respective offices and schedules, placing a small kiss to Alex’s cheek as she leaned into whisper to her wife, “She’s going to be just fine honey, you know of all people how nurturing and kind the staff at the school are. She is well looked after, and she’ll be there when we pick her up in a few hours.” Alex nodded, her anxiety still hanging, but she steeled herself for the day, entering her office.

Alex paced anxiously in the small office throughout the day as her mind raced with thoughts of her daughter, Y/n. As lunch time ensued, Casey returned from court, straight to the break room expecting to find her wife, in her usual spot with her lunch, but instead she was nowhere to be found. Casey rushed across the hall to Alex’s office, observing her wife pacing back and forth for a second before she intervened. "Alex, you need to breathe," Casey said gently, leaning against the doorframe. Alex paused and sat back down in her desk, as Casey took note of the way her partner's fingers tapped nervously against the desk. Casey walked over, wrapping her arms around Alex and pulling her close. "Y/n will be fine. She’s a brave little girl, just like her mom." Alex sighed, leaning into Casey's embrace, her anxiety melting slightly.

"I know, I know. It’s just...what if she doesn’t make any friends? What if she misses us? I remember feeling so lost on my first day." Her voice wavered slightly, revealing the depth of her concern. Casey smiled softly, brushing a strand of hair behind Alex's ear. "You were a little genius and look at you now—you turned out just fine. Y/n will adapt, just like you did, plus, she was telling me yesterday you are her role model, and she wanted to make you proud today." Alex smiled slightly as her palm rested against her forehead, "That’s the problem," Alex said, pulling away slightly to look into Casey's eyes. "What if I’m not a good enough role model? What if she feels pressure because of my past?"

"Alex," Casey said firmly, "you are more than enough. Y/n loves you, and she looks up to you because you’re an amazing mom. You give her the love and support she needs. The rest will fall into place. Your family’s legacy is taking her to places she is so lucky to be, you’ve worked so hard to get her here." Taking a deep breath, Alex nodded, though her mind was still racing. "I just wish I could be there with her. I want to make sure she feels safe and happy." With Alex’s thoughts still spiralling, Casey decided to distract her. "How about we focus on work for now? We have a busy afternoon ahead, and I promise you, the hours will fly by." With a reluctant smile, Alex tried to shift her thoughts to the cases piled high before her, they had a significant trial coming up, and the pressure was palpable. Casey settled into a chair across from Alex, flipping through the case files as they discussed the details, noting anything important on their legal pads.

As the hours passed, Alex found it increasingly difficult to concentrate. Every time the phone rang, or an email pinged, her heart raced, wondering if it was the school. Casey noticed and made a point to keep the conversation flowing, discussing the intricacies of their cases, sharing anecdotes from their pasts, and even cracking jokes to lighten the mood. The conversation flowed easily, but every time Alex glanced at the clock, her heart sank. She couldn't shake the worry gnawing at her. Finally, Casey suggested they take a break and grab a bite to eat at the café across the street, though Alex hesitated, still feeling the weight of her worries, Casey insisted knowing that a change of scenery would do them both good.

As they strolled to the café, Casey held Alex’s hand, squeezing it gently, "You know, I remember my first day of school too," Casey said, trying to draw Alex out of her anxious thoughts. "I was terrified, but my mom told me that everyone else was just as nervous. It helped me feel a little better. Y/n’s not alone and I’m sure right now she’s playing with her new friends, not worrying about us." Alex nodded, appreciating Casey’s attempt to connect. "I just hope Y/n finds her footing quickly. I want her to enjoy it." Alex expressed, her worries still prevalent, Casey knew until she saw their daughter she wouldn’t be able to shake the feeling off, "She will, and if she struggles, we’ll be right here to help her through it. Just like we always help each other." Casey promised, squeezing her wife’s hand under the table.

After what felt like an eternity, the clock finally ticked closer to pick-up time. Alex and Casey made their way back to the school filled with anticipation. They stood outside the gates of the school, a sense of nostalgia washing over them as they waited for their daughter, Y/n, to emerge. It had been a big decision for them to enrol Y/n here, but they hoped it would provide her with a nurturing environment to grow and thrive. As the bell chimed, signalling the end of the school day, the gates swung open, and a stream of children poured out. Alex felt a flutter of excitement in her chest as she scanned the crowd, soon spotting y/n and her class teacher as she skipped toward them, her face lit up with a huge smile.

“Mama! Mommy!” Y/n exclaimed; her little arms outstretched as she rushed into their embrace. Alex and Casey knelt to catch her, enveloping her in a warm hug. “How was your first day, sweetheart?” Casey asked, her eyes sparkling with curiosity. “It was amazing!” Y/n chirped, her eyes wide with enthusiasm. “I made so many friends! There’s Lily, and Emma, and Mia! We played tag and had a tea party at playtime!” Alex exchanged a glance with Casey, both smiling at their daughter’s joy. “A tea party? That sounds fun! What did you make?” Alex prompted, intrigued. “Cookies and juice but they were just pretend!” Y/n replied, her voice animated. “And we pretended to be princesses! I was the queen, and they were my royal friends!” Casey chuckled, “The queen, huh? I bet you were a great one.” Y/n nodded vigorously, her hair shaking side to side. “And we had a creative writing lesson! I wrote a story about a brave knight who saved a princess from a dragon!” She paused, her eyes sparkling with pride. Alex smiled as her anxiety melted, “That sounds like an amazing day honey, you’ve done so well. I’m so proud of you.”

As they started walking home, Y/n skipped ahead, her little feet barely touching the ground. “Can I tell you more about my story?” she called back, her voice filled with excitement. “Absolutely!” Casey encouraged, walking hand in hand with Alex as they followed their daughter. Y/n spun around; her arms outstretched as she twirled. “So, the knight had to climb a really tall mountain to find the dragon,” she began, her imagination running wild. “And when she got there, the dragon was really big, and the princess needed help!” As they continued to walk, Alex felt a swell of pride, watching Y/n express herself so freely reminded her of her own childhood. “You know, Y/n,” Alex said, “you’re going to be a fantastic writer one day and you’re going to get an amazing job!” Y/n giggled, as she skipped excitedly.

The trio continued down the street, Y/n continuing to skip ahead, her laughter ringing in the air as Alex and Casey shared a moment, watching their daughter enthusiasm and joy. Approaching their home, Y/n suddenly stopped and turned to them, her eyes wide with realisation. “Wait! I have to show you my drawing from art class too!” Y/n said as the door attendant held the door open for them. “Oh, we can’t forget that!” Alex said affectionately, “How about we pin it to the fridge.” They rode the elevator to their penthouse before scanning the door open as y/n rushed inside grabbing her backpack and pulling out her drawing.

“Look! Look!” she exclaimed, holding up a colourful piece of paper to her parents. Alex and Casey leaned in, their eyes widening supportively, “This is beautiful, Y/n! What is it?” Casey asked, genuinely impressed. “It’s me, you and mommy!” Y/n exclaimed, pointing at the crayon-drawn figures. Alex smiled, her heart melting at the sight of her daughter’s creativity. “You are so talented, sweetheart. We love it!” Y/n beamed with pride and her cheeks flushed with happiness. “Can you help me hang it on the fridge now mommy!” Alex smiled, of course I can, Alex said scooping y/n up, lifting her to reach the magnets.

“Now you’ve had such a big day princess, why don’t we get you all ready for bed so you can be wide awake for school tomorrow.” Y/n nodded racing across the penthouse to her bedroom as Alex and Casey followed. “Which pyjama’s do you want to wear y/n,” Casey asked holding up two options, “They blue star one’s mama.” Casey beamed at her daughter as Alex watched them from the doorframe, “Now y/n mommy is going to run you a bath and you can get all nice and clean before we put on your new pyjamas.” Alex said, reaching out a hand for her daughter to follow. Y/n nodded repeating to her mom’s her bedtime routine, “Bath time, pyjama time, dinner time and bedtime.” Alex and Casey laughed watching her daughter skip into the bathroom as a sense of tranquillity blanketed the atmosphere for the first time all day.

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Tag List: @olderwomenenthusiast @m-1234-5 @wands-natsthing

[elizabethsnuts]

Late Nights

Calex x Daughter!Reader

Summary: You and Alex have trouble getting to sleep so the two of you play games while you let Casey rest.

———

The apartment was quiet except for the occasional hum of the refrigerator and the distant sounds of New York City nightlife filtering through the closed windows. The soft glow of a lamp on the side table cast shadows around the living room, creating a cozy, dimly lit, environment.

Alex sat on the couch, her eyes heavy with fatigue but her mind refusing to let her rest. Insomnia had become an unwelcome but not unfamiliar companion, making the nights feel endless. She glanced at the clock on the wall—it was nearing 2 AM. Beside her, you were sitting restlessly. You were going through a sleep regression, waking up multiple times each night and demanding attention. It was exhausting for both Alex and Casey, but Alex insisted on letting her wife sleep.

Casey had been through a particularly gruelling week at work with back-to-back cases, uncooperative witnesses, endless paperwork and very many court sessions demanding every ounce of her energy and focus and Alex knew she needed her rest. She had promised herself that she would let Casey sleep through the night, even if it meant staying up and keeping you entertained. It’s not like she could sleep anyway.

You squirmed on the couch, your tiny fingers clutching your favourite stuffed duck. "Mummy, want Mama," you whispered, your voice plaintive.

Alex smoothed back your soft hair and kissed your forehead. "Mama needs to sleep, sweetheart. She's had a tough week. How about we play a quiet game instead?"

You pouted but nodded, your tired eyes shimmering with curiosity. Alex reached for a stack of picture cards she kept nearby for such moments. They were simple, colourful illustrations of animals, objects, and scenes designed to capture a toddler's attention.

"Okay, Y/N, let's play 'Find the Animal.' I'll describe an animal, and you have to find the right card. Ready?" Alex explained.

Your eyes lit up, and you sat up straighter. "Ready!"

"Alright," Alex said, suppressing a yawn. "This animal has a long neck and eats leaves from tall trees. Can you find it?"

Your face scrunched in concentration as you sifted through the cards. "Giraffe!" you exclaimed, holding up the correct card.

"That's right! Good job!" Alex praised in a whisper, feeling a small burst of pride despite her exhaustion.

The both of you continued the game, your giggles and excited answers filling the quiet room. As the minutes ticked by, Alex found herself smiling more and worrying less about the late hour. This moment, despite the fatigue and the challenges, felt precious.

Eventually, your energy began to wane, your movements slower and your eyelids drooping. Alex gently guided you to lie down on the couch, covering you with a soft baby blanket. She sang a lullaby in a hushed tone, hoping to lull you into sleep.

But you were not ready to give up just yet. "Mummy, want Mama," you murmured again, reaching out with your tiny hand.

Alex took your hand in hers, holding it gently. "I know, my love. Mama will be here in the morning. How about we count the stars on the ceiling? That can be our game until you fall asleep."

You nodded, your eyes already half-closed. Alex gently lifted you to rest on her chest and began to count in a soothing voice, pointing to the glow-in-the-dark stars they had stuck on the ceiling months ago. Slowly but surely, your breathing evened out, and you drifted off to sleep.

Alex sighed in relief, her own eyelids feeling unbearably heavy. She leaned back on the couch, intending to stay awake a little longer to make sure you were truly asleep. But the warmth of your little body on her chest and the soft hum of the TV lulled her into a deep, much-needed sleep.

———

When Casey emerged from the bedroom the next morning, she was greeted by the sight of you and Alex curled up together on the couch, both sound asleep. She smiled tenderly, her heart swelling with love and gratitude.

Quietly, Casey walked over and draped a blanket over Alex, who stirred slightly but didn’t wake. She kissed the both of you on the forehead before walking into the kitchen to start breakfast, feeling more refreshed and awake than she had in days.

As the smell of coffee filled the air, Alex's eyes fluttered open. She looked around, momentarily disoriented, before her gaze settled on Casey bustling in the kitchen. You were still asleep on her chest, clutching your stuffed duck.

"Morning," Alex whispered, careful not to wake you.

"Morning," Casey replied, leaning down to kiss Alex's forehead again. "You should go back to sleep. I've got Y/N."

Alex shook her head, stifling a yawn. "It's okay. I'm already up." She carefully disentangled herself from you, which earned her a quiet, sleepy whimper.

Casey nodded, giving her a soft smile. "How did it go last night?"

Alex stretched, feeling the remnants of fatigue in her muscles but also a sense of accomplishment. "We managed. Y/N/N had a hard time settling, but we played some games, and she eventually fell asleep."

Casey walked over with a cup of coffee, handing it to Alex. "Thank you for letting me sleep. I know it hasn't been easy."

Alex took a grateful sip of the coffee, savouring the warmth. "You're welcome. You needed the rest. Besides, it wasn’t like I could fall asleep anyway."

You suddenly stirred, your eyes fluttering open. You looked up at Alex, then over at Casey, a sleepy smile spreading across your face. "Mama!"

Casey scooped you into her arms, showering you with kisses. "Good morning, baby. Did you have fun with Mummy last night?"

You nodded, still half-asleep. "We play 'Find the Animal' and counted stars."

Casey looked over at Alex, her eyes filled with love before she looked back down at you. "Wow! That sounds like so much fun."

As the three of you sat together, enjoying the quiet morning and each other's company, the tiredness of the night before disappeared.

[wild-fleurs]

Oh & I also have this headcanon that when Alex is back & back together/they’re working on their relationship she sends Casey flowers which she used to do when they first started dating thinking it would be cute & make her happy but got really worried and confused why Casey got upset/a bit freaked out & had to be told about when Casey was attacked & how the ruse was flower delivery & Alex feels terrible for 1 sending the flowers/triggering her & 2 not knowing/not being there when it happened for Casey

(I also kind of think my they were married but separated angle could be used to explain that losing Casey is what made Alex throw herself into her work so much & maybe even so focused on Zapata because she was distracting herself from missing Casey or thought she didn’t have anything else to lose obviously not know if what would happen to her)

You know continuing my delusions, can you imagine if Alex and Casey were together all along? So when Alex “died,” Casey started visiting Alex’s mom because, despite being an old money, Upper East Side, house-in-the-Hampton kind of woman, she absolutely adores Casey. She never thought Alex would find someone who would love her as much as Casey does. And Casey loves her because she doesn’t talk to her own mom anymore and Alex’s mom actually enjoys her company.

So what if, when Alex “dies,” Casey starts visiting her? At first shy about it but then going there twice, maybe three times a week. Alex’s mom is happy to have that piece of her daughter still in her life, so she loves doting on Casey and treating her like her own.

Until Alex’s mom dies, and then Casey is left grieving yet another person, yet another part of Alex. And Alex is absolutely wrecked, unable to go to her mom’s funeral, forever regretting that she wasn’t there for her mom. It’s only when she comes back that she finds out Casey was visiting her, and it gave her at least some comfort in knowing her mom wasn’t alone in her grief. It leads to a very tearful, emotional Alex clinging to Casey and thanking her over and over again for it. From then on, they go to her grave together and put flowers up every weekend.

[illdowhatiwantthanks]

Masterlist & Request Guidelines

Requests are closed right now, but the Masterlist is always open! 🫶🏻

MASTERLIST

Olivia Benson (Law & Order: SVU)

Can You Stay?

Texts from Olivia Benson

Eyes Open

When Worlds Collide (x daughter!reader)

Alex Blake (Criminal Minds)

What You Want (18+)

Inside Your Head

Texts from Alex Blake

Haircut

Alex Cabot (Law & Order: SVU)

Alex Cabot x Reader Headcanons

After General Anesthesia

Alex Cabot x Casey Novak x Reader SFW Headcanons

What You Give

Texts from Alex Cabot (18+)

Carol Danvers (Marvel)

Forgetting

Find Your People (x sibling!reader)

Rosa Diaz (Brooklyn Nine-Nine)

A Hard Day

Just Playing

Headcanons: Coming Out to Rosa Diaz as Transmasc

Passenger Princess

A Little Lunch

Penelope Garcia (Criminal Minds)

N/A

Lee Harker (Longlegs)

Cocooned

The Halloween Party

Jennifer Jareau (Criminal Minds)

The Dogs

The Intruder

Fight or Flight (x daughter!reader)

Texts from Jennifer "JJ" Jareau (18+)

The Aftermath

Johanna Mason (The Hunger Games)

Home Again

Casey Novak (Law & Order: SVU)

Clueless

Someone Will See

First Time (18+)

Sunday Mornings

She Likes You Anyway

Empty House (18+)

You're Safe Now

Home for the Holidays

Take Me Out to the Ball Game (18+)

I Need You To

Your Brother's Wedding

Casey Novak x Reader Headcanons

After General Anesthesia

Panic! At the DA's Office

Alex Cabot x Casey Novak x Reader SFW Headcanons

May the Fourth Be With You

Changes

With the Crack of a Bat

Just One Kiss

Texts from Casey Novak

They Go Low

Getting Older, Too

Interrogations

When Worlds Collide

Frozen Oranges

Maggie Pierce (Grey's Anatomy)

Just as Friends

Emily Prentiss (Criminal Minds)

The Surprise Series Masterlist

Coming Out

Let Me Keep You Safe (18+)

Emily Prentiss x Reader Headcanons

Shelter from the Storm

Don't Lie to Me

Burning (18+)

Tracing You

Tiny (x daughter!reader)

Doxxed

Control (18+)

The World's Largest Box of Condoms (x daughter!reader)

Touchy (18+)

Texts from Emily Prentiss (18+)

White Fang

Arizona Robbins (Grey's Anatomy)

N/A

Natasha Romanoff (Marvel)

N/A

Amelia Shepherd (Grey's Anatomy)

Sick Call

Aces

Tea for Two

Strap Up (18+)

Postpartum (18+)

Playing It Safe (18+)

You're Mine (18+)

The R Word

Left Unsaid (18+)

Texts from Amelia Shepherd (18+)

Callie Torres (Grey's Anatomy)

N/A

Cristina Yang (Grey's Anatomy)

N/A

REQUEST GUIDELINES

If you have requests for characters outside of the above, please feel free to send them on anyway! The above are just characters I've written for before. If I'm familiar with the character/source material and the request meets my parameters, I'll be happy to give it a shot!

PARAMETERS:

I only write for characters who are women. No men here. Sorry, folks.

I only write x reader. I don't really enjoy writing about already-existing relationships or character ships. I've done a couple of x daughter!reader and x sibling!reader fics, and I'm happy to do them, but to be honest I very much prefer romantic fics.

I only write for readers and characters with v*lvas. I absolutely welcome non-binary/gender non-conforming characters/readers. Just be aware that, where smut is concerned, I only feel confident writing about humans with v*ginas.

I don't feel comfortable writing dark!characters or smut that's degrading. Kinks and other smut-related requests I take on a case-by-case basis. But I absolutely will not write anything that even gets close to the line of non-consensual. No shade to you if the above are things you enjoy reading/writing, they're just personally not for me.

Autistic readers are so welcome! I love reading and writing x autistic!reader fics!

I do feel comfortable writing about the aftermath of trauma (sexual or otherwise), most mental illnesses, etc. I enjoy a good hurt/comfort fic and, as someone who's dealt with both of the above, I know it can be very comforting to read something that makes you feel like you're cared for and safe.

I also really enjoy writing headcanons, so feel free to request those as well! The same rules apply for headcanons that apply for fics.

Send those requests on, bbs!

[neuroprincess]

Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Tyrant - Alex Cabot/Female Reader

Alex Cabot/Female Reader

Summary: Alex's apartment still has the Christmas tree up in February for a reason, a small and demanding reason.

Classification: Fluff

Warnings: None

Word count: +1200

The snowfall of the night before had covered the city streets and turned gray into white; it would be quite a sight in the early hours of the morning with the sun rising between the buildings and skyscrapers. Alex is sitting on the divan near the window, occasionally sipping the hot coffee in hand, but her observant eyes are fixed on the other side of the room, where the Christmas tree was still in all its shiny glory, full of decorations and twinkling lights... in February. The lights glowed softly, reflecting the four colors on the wooden floor and creating a neon illumination. A couple of feet away, between the attorney and the only remaining decoration of the festive season, was Margot, nestled in her baby swing, also staring at the lights, but unlike her mom, with wide, fascinated eyes.

“You know, it's the end of February...” Alex commented over her shoulder to her wife, who was sorting out a pile of blankets on the sofa “Most people have already taken down all their Christmas decorations.”

Y/N snorted and tried not to roll her eyes, after all, they were the ones who had put themselves in that situation.

“Most people don't have a little five-month-old tyrant who refuses to sleep without them and won't even let us sleep.”

As if to emphasize the point, the baby cooed softly, reaching out a chubby hand towards the largest hanging ornaments, as she has done ever since she learned to grasp. Alex shook her head in disbelief, laughing, and took a big sip of coffee before heading towards the tree.

“We really need to talk about this, sweetheart.” she said, turning to her daughter, who blinked at her innocently, giving an almost toothy smile “But not now, right, Mag?!”

“She's got you wrapped around her little finger and she knows it.” Y/N teased, placing a folded patterned blanket in the arm band and walking over to her wife “Not that I mind. It's cute.”

“She's not even six months old. How much power can she really have? I am a grown woman and very...” Alex scoffed and crouched down to stroke the strands of hair escaping from under the knitted cap "Forget about it, maybe you're right."

It all started in December, of course, just after the couple had prepared the house with care and dedication to spend their first Christmas as a family. Naturally, Alex had taken care of most of the details with safety in mind, such as battery-operated candles instead of the traditional ones, no strong scents, no heavy or pointy ornaments and even the tree didn't escape this, synthetic, without any dirt or possible bugs or possible allergies, practical and beautiful. At night, when the lights were turned on and Margot was lulled to sleep on the sofa with soft lullabies, sometimes breastfed until she fell asleep, the world was perfect and they felt lucky to have a calm and not at all demanding baby. They couldn't have imagined how wrong they were.

It was at the beginning of January that the first hint of what they would face emerged. The routine was set: a warm bath, diaper change, feeding and, finally, the delicate transition to sleep. But then, as soon as they started cleaning up after the holidays, what was supposed to be a calm night turned into a nightmare for first-time mothers. Margot, normally quiet and prone to falling asleep without resistance, squirmed restlessly in Y/N's arms while Alex organized the kitchen. Soon low grumbles became a loud, shrill cry, louder and longer than any moment before.

“What's wrong, little one?” Y/N murmured, rocking her gently, while her daughter mumbled and moved little hands between cries that left her face red and wet, eyes blinking sleepily, but not completely surrendering to rest “Do you want Mommy?”

Without much thought, she got up and walked to the living room, where she found the blonde on the way, already wiping hands and taking off the apron, with a worried look, they stared at each other without knowing exactly what to do, before they could check for colic or fever, she felt her daughter's body relax against hers. Only then did she realize that they were standing next to the Christmas tree.

“Oh, you just wanted the lights, did you?” she whispered, sighing in small relief as she felt Margot's head rest against her chest.

Alex, watching the scene with a mixture of fascination and incredulity, crossed her arms.

“So that's it?” she asked in another whisper, afraid of disturbing the sleep that had barely begun.

Her wife shrugged, trying not to smile.

“Our daughter seems to be a bit demanding and a girl of habits, she's clearly inherited that from you.”

And that's how it all began. The couple got quiet nights with a sleepy baby and a few hours of sleep for themselves as long as the tree lights kept shining, even if it meant sometimes falling asleep in the living room while they nursed the baby to sleep or even setting up a mobile crib nearby for when they were doing chores or some rare leisure time, and leaving the doors open all night so that the lights reached wherever little Cabot was. Alex tried to object a few times, suggesting alternatives such as less flashy night lights, soft sounds or putting a few Chistmas lights in the nursery, but nothing had the same effect as the extravagant, richly decorated tree. When they tried to turn it off for a whole night, Margot protested with an incessant cry that didn't end until they, defeated, got up and turned it on again.

“She's manipulating us.” Alex concluded incredulously, throwing herself on the bed, eyes half-closed with sleep, her wife lying down beside her sighing tiredly.

The blonde knows it's not true, after all, it's only a baby and as smart as she is for her age she wouldn't be capable of such a thing, she just couldn't help herself and made a joke in the midst of exhaustion and the notion that maybe they were guilty of it.

“She's only four months old, Alex.”

“Four months and knows how to get what she wants from us.”

And so the tree stood. January passed in the blink of an eye and Margot continued to be obsessed with the lights. Now, at the peak of February, Alex had completely surrendered to the absurd reality that her once plain and almost minimalist living room was still decorated as if Christmas was just around the corner. They tried to turn it off last night, thinking that the baby had finally gotten over it, but ended up dealing with a lot of crying and not being able to sleep for more than two hours.

“Maybe we should just accept that this house is now a shrine to the Christmas spirit,” joked Y/N, leaning her head on the blonde's shoulder as they smiled at their daughter, who was still staring at the tree with sleepy eyes under long lashes, mumbling, “She's so cute.”

Alex let out a resigned sigh and intertwined their fingers over her shoulder.

“I just want you to know that when she learns to talk and insists on putting up the tree and decorating the house in August, it will be your fault.”

“Whatever...” Y/N smiled and kissed the skin between Alex's shoulder and neck “As long as she keeps sleeping through the night.”

Margot let out a small sound of contentment, as if she knew her victory was assured, and yawned.

“I think Mag is ready for sleep.”

“And to let us rest, I hope.”

“Twinkle, twinkle, our little tyrant...”

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[theartofcollapse]

omg yes thank you!!!

so could it be a casey novak x f reader? r had twin girls who are now 8- victoria and madison. Casey's been raising them with r since they were about 4 idk maybe a mama and mommy situation

(I don't like that one episode where the little girl with two moms calls her not biological mom "mommy zoe" idk just sounds funky😭)

just for dramas sake can u make it so Casey's been working svu for a couple weeks or more by now but all of them still have that attitude with her they had in her first episode, not really liking her compared to alex (I love me some drama😛)

BUT THEY DONT EVEN TRY TO GET TO KNOW HER OR ANYTHING ABOUT HER LE GASP😨

so imagine their surprise when one day somehow idk how they see two identical little girls with casey and some other lady mhm mhm drama drama👉🙂‍↕️ maybe they show up to the office or sum idk..?

(sorry if this is weird 😭 but if you can write it, bless your beautiful soul🥹🙏 which tbh I'd still say anyways bc I love your casey and alex fics🙏🙏🙏🙇‍♀️🙇‍♀️🙇‍♀️)

(also u definitely probably don't care but I was thinking twins bc twins run in my family and ugh I wish I was a twin frfr😒😮‍💨 also i have THREE victorias in my family so the name follows me everywhere and I just like the name madison anyways 100% manifesting my future rn thanks for listening to my ted talk ok adios friend)

THANK YOU🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶

a/n: thank you for requesting, babe, i hope it turned out how you imagined. summary: read it above pairing: Casey Novak x female reader warnings: none word count: 1K

masterlist

Picture Perfect - Casey Novak

Casey sat at her desk in the precinct’s bullpen, flipping through yet another file while the steady hum of chatter and ringing phones surrounded her. It had been a couple of weeks since she’d joined the Special Victims Unit as their ADA, and though she was professional to a fault, the distance between her and the detectives was palpable.

They hadn’t been outright rude, but they weren’t warm either. Casey could sense their lingering loyalty to Alex Cabot, the previous ADA, who had left massive shoes to fill. Even Olivia, who was typically approachable, seemed to be holding back. It was frustrating, but Casey was used to handling adversity. What mattered to her now was doing her job and doing it well.

Still, there were moments when the isolation stung more than she liked to admit. Especially since Casey’s life outside of work was so full and vibrant. She had you, her partner, and your twin daughters, Victoria and Madison, who had been her family for the past four years. The girls had been four when Casey entered their lives, and now, at eight, they didn’t just call her “Mama”, they meant it.

Casey glanced at the clock on her computer screen, a small smile creeping onto her lips. It was almost lunchtime, and she had made plans for you and the girls to meet her at the precinct. You had suggested surprising her, and Casey couldn’t wait to see the looks on Victoria and Madison’s faces when they saw the police station.

When the clock hit noon, Casey grabbed her coat and headed out of her office door, her mind already filled with thoughts of laughter and fun that awaited her. 

You arrived at the precinct with Victoria and Madison in tow, their small hands gripping yours as they stared wide-eyed at the towering building. Madison, ever the curious one, tilted her head back dramatically.

“Mommy, is this where Mama works?” she asked, her voice laced with awe.

“Yes, sweetheart,” you replied with a laugh. “And if we’re lucky, we’ll get to see her before she comes downstairs.”

Victoria tugged on your other hand. “Do you think Mama will let us see the cool detective stuff?”

“We’ll have to ask her,” you said, pushing the heavy precinct door open.

The squad room was buzzing with activity as you stepped inside. All eyes turned toward you as you entered, and a heavy silence fell over the room. Detectives Benson, Stabler, Tutuola, and Munch exchanged surprised glances. 

“Can I help you?” Olivia asked, stepping forward with her usual mix of authority and curiosity.

Before you could answer, a familiar voice rang out.

“Mommy, look! Mama!” Victoria shouted, her face lighting up as she spotted Casey emerging from the stairwell.

Casey’s expression softened immediately. She crouched down as both girls ran toward her, catching them in a warm embrace. “Hey, my girls!” she said, her voice full of love.

You followed behind, a warm smile on your face as you watched the reunion. Casey stood, holding Madison’s hand while Victoria clung to her side. She met your eyes, her own filled with affection. “Hey, you,” she greeted, leaning in to kiss you softly on the cheek.

The squad watched the entire interaction with stunned silence.

“Mama, can we eat now?” Madison asked, tugging at Casey’s sleeve. “I’m starving.”

Casey chuckled. “Yes, we can eat now. Come on, let’s find a cool restaurant.”

It was only when you were halfway out the door that Olivia found her voice.

“Wait a second. Casey?”

Casey stopped, turning back toward the squad. “Yes?”

Olivia gestured vaguely toward you and the twins. “Are you going to… introduce us?”

Casey glanced at you, her expression unreadable, and then back at the detectives. “This is Y/N, my partner. And these are our daughters, Victoria and Madison.”

“Mama, I told you I’m Madison Rose Y/L/N Novak,” Madison corrected, placing her hands on her hips.

Casey smirked. “My apologies, Madison Rose Y/L/N Novak.”

“Wait,” Fin interjected, his brow furrowed. “You have kids?”

“Yes,” Casey said simply, her tone making it clear that she didn’t see why this was such a surprise.

The detectives exchanged another round of glances, clearly trying to process this new information. Before anyone could say more, Casey turned back to you and guided you all toward the elevators.

Later that day, when the precinct had quieted down, Olivia found Casey sitting at her desk, reviewing a file. She hesitated for a moment before walking over and sitting on the edge of the desk.

“Hey,” Olivia said softly.

Casey looked up, her expression guarded. “Detective Benson. What can I do for you?”

Olivia sighed, rubbing the back of her neck. “I just… wanted to apologize if we’ve been unfair to you.”

Casey raised an eyebrow. “That’s not necessary.”

“No, it is,” Olivia insisted. “We’ve been holding you to Alex’s standard, and that’s not fair. We didn’t give you a chance, and I’m sorry.”

Casey’s features softened slightly, though she still seemed wary. “Thank you. I appreciate that.”

Olivia hesitated again, then asked, “Why didn’t you tell us about your family?”

Casey set down the file and leaned back in her chair. “Because it’s personal. And, frankly, I didn’t think you cared.”

Olivia winced. “That’s fair. But we do care. Or at least, we should.” She paused, then added, “Your girls are adorable, by the way. Madison seems like a handful.”

Casey’s lips quirked into a small smile. “She is. But I wouldn’t trade her or Victoria for anything.”

“Y/N seems great too, and she’s extremely gorgeous.” Olivia said. “You’ve got a good thing going.”

“I do,” Casey agreed, her voice softening. “They’re my world.”

For the first time since she joined the squad, Casey felt a sense of acceptance. It wasn’t perfect, but it was a start.

And for now, that was enough.

[iwoulddieforher]

Birds of a Feather | Casey Novak × Alex Cabot

I'm back posting fics! Did anyone miss me? Probs not. Anyway, here: Set during the falling out when Liv was having trouble adjusting to the lack of Stabler, and Casey's beginning to dwindle. Very Casey-centric.

Warnings: Canon-typical case-related violence, Casey being super burnt out, minor references to Charlie/Liv & Case have big argument

Summary: Casey's exhausted from the uphill climb of returning to her former position of respect after being suspended, and Liv's becoming increasingly adversarial due to Stabler's resignation. A case involving a schizophrenic exasperates the problems between the two- and Alex shows up in the middle of Liv & Casey's blowout argument. ~13k words.

alternatively on AO3, which you can find here

“No, Sir, I know-” Casey tried to interject, pacing back and forth in her cramped, tiny office- they hadn't allowed her her original space back, and she had realized that was yet another form of punishment- and trying not to lose her sanity on call with her father.

“I’m not getting any younger and I don't like that you're still playing these legal games,” Major Novak barked, his voice the dry, scratchy cough it always was, “Casey, couldn't you have just let it be? You got suspended once, we all see the toll that took on you, and it's not like you're getting any younger either-”

“Daddy,” Casey let her voice break, finally, but it had been nearly half an hour of this back and forth and she was done, she was tired, and tears were starting to prick at her eyes. “Daddy, I know. I’ll- I’ve already asked about my work contract, I’ll…”

She moved the phone away from her mouth so he wouldn't be able to hear her sniff, forcing herself to swallow back the frustrated tears, before taking a deep breath.

Her admittance hadn't been a lie, either. She had checked what the circumstances of resigning her position had been, but- it didn't look particularly good. With a reputation like her’s, she wouldn't be able to be hired on to any sort of alternate use for her legal prowess like this, and she was far away from being able to retire properly. But her father wasn't wrong, as much as she hated to admit it, her job was starting to eat away at whatever sanity she had left.

At her submission, though, her father finally relented his beration, the line going silent for a long moment. “Good, Casey. And you mustn't worry about money, because your mother does need a keeper, and your siblings give us a share every month for that- we could fire her nurse, and you could replace her. I’m sure your brothers would be happy to support you.”

Casey grimaced, swallowing again, but with a hollow voice replied, “Thank you, Sir. I’ll consider it, really.”

She would be reduced from the formidable rising star protege prosecutor she used to be, replaced instead by being her father's failure of a daughter, the sibling who was at first so far ahead and then fell so far behind, designated ultimately to being her ailing mother’s keeper, because there was nothing else she was worthy of doing.

As she hung up the call, the darker part of her mind chided in bitterly that at this rate they shouldn't trust her to look after Mom- she’d probably fuck that up, too.

She ran her fingers through her hair, nails digging into her scalp a little more forcefully than need be, and sighed, deeply, as though letting the carbon in her lungs would cleanse her of the overwhelming feeling of filth.

Failure, she bit at herself, but her self deprecation was halted as her pager went off- she was being summoned to the precinct, evidently.

On the way there, Casey contemplated what had gone wrong in her life.

She stood at the side of the street, flagging down a taxi, and with a depressed sigh she remembered how she felt when she was youthful and energetic, eager to prove herself and ambitious, taking her bike where she needed before she had caved to those who told her it gave off an odd impression.

The fact she was about to be filled in at the precinct on the current case wasn't wasted on her demons either- she longed to show up at crime scenes like the used too, process evidence and witnesses and suspects herself, watch through the windows as detectives interviewed, jumping on leads to hound down individuals herself in the pursuit of ensuring justice.

She toyed loosely with her faux blonde hair as she climbed into the cab, her mind lingering on when it had been short and she had worn it in fiery, fierce curls that framed her face when she was back in white collar- how when she transferred to SVU, it became harder to get up in the mornings, and she defaulted to straightening it instead. Now it was long, and dyed lighter to be more what the others expected.

That sentiment- to be what others expected- hurt the more she thought about it. Over the years she really had lost that fire that used to be so central to the way she operated, and she wasn't sure if it had been tamped down or if she had simply lost it herself.

Coming back from her suspension was especially difficult. Those three long years of working odd, vague applications for her knowledge without being able to use any sort of licence were grueling and yes she had made it through but it had drained her an immeasurable amount.

She hadn't realized how much she had considered the squad some form of support system, or at the very least provided her a sense of stability, until during her suspension it was gone. Stabler, especially- Elliot had looked out for her, offered her a shoulder she had never accepted, but she liked knowing he was there. Catholics from a similar background, and he reminded her a lot of her brothers.

Casey had left New York entirely, traveled to Rhode Island, tried to find something that would make the nauseating guilt seep away. But nothing could. She had screwed up- honestly, that year had been a slow build to the climax of the violation, with the investigation into the juvenile sex offender operation, Saul Picard, and finally Officer Chase- it had brought her to an emotional epitome she simply could not bring herself down from, left lingering on cases now officially deemed closed, formulating arguments and motions she could never use.

Elliot had called her, a few times, to check in. He had been the one to see how broken the sex addict's rape had made her, and he was perhaps the only one of the squad to notice that build up. She liked talking to him, states apart, and he’d catch her up on the latest cases and complain about Greylek and how much he’d rather have her back instead of the stone-faced, impersonal ADA replacement.

She remembered the big smile he had flashed her when she first arrived back, and how it had momentarily comforted her.

Now she was back, but Stabler was gone- he had earned retirement, though, she couldn't argue against that, but still-, everything was different. Olivia was so much more adversarial, and Casey knew she was simply grieving the loss of Elliot and throwing herself nose-first into the depth of human depravity to fill the void, but it didn't help her enough to accept the jabs the older brunette shot at her without letting them build onto her growing insecurities.

Rollins seemed sweet but Casey had never interacted with her- the squad didn't get together like they used to after cases, the warm nature she had first been a jealous intruder into before eventually being accepted back in her youth was now gone. Perhaps she was too old for it now, anyway. But still, she missed the cold beers and clustered tables of cop bars, and Olivia and Elliot stopping by to invite her there. Olivia spending the nights with her in her office, grabbing coffee and chatting about the developments of cases.

She really, really missed the friendship, the solidarity that used to exist- gone, all gone, like her sense of self.

Amaro was Amaro. He followed Olivia around like Stabler used to, but it was obvious he was still fresh meat, and Olivia would not be able to bond with him the way she was seemingly tied to Stabler.

The judges were wary of her, the defense was always pleased because no judge would give her leeway and they could jab and object at whim, and she was hanging onto the DA and her job on a fine line that she felt like she would fall off any second.

Even if she didn't directly mess up, even if she never made a mistake again, she knew it was because she was playing it overtly safe, and overtly safe was no way to remake her name and image. She could be fired simply for not being interesting, for not securing the overhauling victories she used to be capable of.

But pushing the line the way she used to, to regain that feisty nature that used to make the defense’s jaw clench when she stood, required others to trust her in a way they didn't. She had forfeited that right to trust, and she had no way to get it back.

Maybe her father was right. Maybe she was getting too old for this- maybe the suspension was a sign this work wasn't what she was cut out for, and she was simply too stubborn to accept it wasn't worth it.

She was snapped out of her thoughts when the taxi pulled over, and after providing payment and exchanging courtesy she exited and tried her best to stroll into the precinct, focusing on long strides, not looking stupid when she pulled her coat off and tossed it over her arm.

Casey had started holding her jacket over her arm like that whenever she was here, so she’d have something to do with her hands, so she’d have an excuse to hold her arms tight to her body.

“So, what’s on the plate tonight, Captain?” She tried to sound cheerful, but not overly so, rearranging her face in the half-way-to-smug smile she used to flash so easily.

Cragen rubbed his nose and nodded, his broad shoulders sloped inward the way they always were. He nodded at her, and then motioned with one large hand towards an interview room, where a young man was speaking with Detective Amaro.

Olivia and Rollins were watching from the outside, staring intently, and although Amanda turned to jerk her chin up with a slight smile that Casey returned- nothing more than acknowledgement, but Casey could appreciate it- while Benson stayed still, her brow furrowed as she stared lasers into the ongoing interrogation. She did not move to welcome Casey into the space, and Casey had not assumed that she would. Regardless, she found her place standing beside her.

“A young woman was raped and strangled to death in Central Park,” Cragen said with a small sigh, “Our first suspect was the roommate, because of some suspicious texts we found on her cell, but he showed up himself willingly and agreed to talk.”

“Alright. So, he looks good for it?” She questioned, eyes on Olivia- she wanted some sort of glance, something, but Olivia did not look at her.

“She was a grad student working on a psych report on the condition of mental illness in the homeless population,” Amanda said, turning from the window and crossing her arms, shifting her weight from her heel to her toe in thought. “This guy- the roommate- goody two-shoes. Originally we thought he was so clean he must be hiding something, and he was, but just possession of marijuana. He’s real nervous about it, though.”

The young man inside the boxed room did seem beyond anxious, his shoulders angled inward, face tilted down at the table while he looked at Amaro with squinted eyes, shifting back and forth slightly. He looked ridiculously guilty, but not violent or suspicious for the crime that actually mattered- it reminded Casey of a kid caught with a hand in the cookie jar, who didn't understand what type of punishment they were about to receive. He didn't seem like a good suspect for rape and murder.

“So he wants a deal? What he knows about her research and I’ll take the misdemeanor off the table?” Casey glanced once again into the interview room, and Cragen shrug-nodded.

Casey lifted her shoulders and then dropped them, tilting her head with a slight sigh. She had expected more, something to actually grow invested in, hopefully something to spark her competitive nature- but this was nothing dramatic. “Should be doable, I can make a call.”

“But he’s asking for immunity,” Olivia mused, still not looking up, “So whatever he knows, he thinks he could be prosecuted for it. I don't think we should offer him anything until we really know what's going on.”

“It doesn't look like he’s capable of much,” Casey remarked, but Olivia just huffed.

“Like you’d know, counselor.”

Casey pursed her lips and made blank eye contact with the wall for a moment, feeling the burn of Cragen and Rollin’s eyes and the icy feeling of the lack of Olivia’s, before accepting the disrespect, and trying her best to shake it off.

“Alright, but he’s a spooked college kid. He might just be asking for what he saw on TV without knowing if he actually needs it- we could advise him to get a lawyer, and then I can discuss a deal with them. Depending on the reaction I’d get it’d be easier to tell if it's anything worth looking into.”

Detectives hate lawyers, and Casey knew that, so when Olivia’s frown deepened and Rollins looked vaguely dissatisfied with the suggestion, she wasn't at all surprised.

“Does he need a lawyer for this? Can't you just go in and talk to him?” Rollins asked, “He doesn't seem to have the funds needed to get a lawyer, and it always takes forever to get one of the community ones down here-”

“Can you handle that, Casey? It's been years since you spoke one on one with a suspect,” Olivia interjected, and Casey grit her teeth. A direct challenge, now, then. Okay.

“I’m sure I’ll find my footing,” She replied calmly, forcing a smile as though she and Liv were simply friends bantering like they used to be, before turning to the Captain for permission. When he nodded, she inhaled deeply and swung the door open.

“You, out.” She barked at Amaro, deciding how she wanted to play this on the spot. She got a little of a thrill when Amaro’s eyebrows raised but he otherwise agreed wordlessly, standing and leaving the interrogation room. She claimed the seat he had just left and settled in, leaning her elbows on the table so she could inject herself forward.

“Alright, I heard you're looking to talk about your options, here? I’m Casey Novak on behalf of the Manhattan District Attorney.”

She forced her voice to be softer, lower, and offered him a half-smile. This was a skittish little college teen, and she thought he might be receptive to a more gentle approach. Seemingly he was, because the tension in his spine eased a little and he looked at her tentatively.

“I know it's a crime, but I- I just, it's the only thing that can get me to sleep, sometimes, so I-”

“I know, I know.” She leaned back, then, spreading her shoulders comfortably, “I remember those college days, long nights, sleep schedules gone to hell, anything to take the edge off, right?”

“Yes, exactly-” He leaned forward, now, eager under her carefully crafted nonchalance.

“But listen,” Casey raised a hand, “If you know anything about who did this to your roommate, you need to tell me. You seem like a good kid, and I don't want to nail you when I’ve got bigger fish to fry, okay? We’re looking for a rapist, and you're just what got caught in the net, so to say.”

He hesitated, hard, but Casey knew the look in her eyes was powerful when she tried to make it be, and right now she was giving her best altruistic stare. He relented, as she expected.

“Listen, I- I knew it was wrong, so please-”

“Just tell me what you know,” She interjected, clasping her fingers together, leaning forward and placing her elbows back down on the desk, and giving him her best imploring head tilt.

“She was bribing them,” he blurted out, finally, “in exchange for interviews and check-ins she was- she was giving them drugs, and with a few even blowies- I told her it was disgusting and I don't even know if people like that can consent, but-”

Oh, okay. Casey felt tension leave her shoulders- this wasn't really worth pursuing in court. But for the sake of the case she didn't allow her face to reflect that, instead, she remained harsh.

“Well, we’ll have to look into that.” She said sharply, “Can you provide names?”

“No, but- but I know her password for her school laptop, I know what her’s is. I’m sure she’ll have reports and things in there…”

“Alright, good,” She said soothingly, offering her a slight smile, which he seemed to relax under. “Then turn that over to the detectives and I’ll see what I can do about the possession charge, yeah?”

With that, she stood, and exited the room, flexing her eyebrows triumphantly when she made eye contact with Olivia- who gave her a begrudging nod, but a half-smile.

“Alright, the victim was offering blowjobs to mentally ill homeless men in exchange for some storytelling,” Amanda scorned, “How.. studious.”

“I’m sure she left that part out of her paper,” Casey nodded, “but it’ll make great fodder for the defense counsel.”

She turned her head from side to side, and realized something that made her heart sink into her stomach uncomfortably. Olivia and Amanda were exchanging glances, and Cragen was waiting for his detectives to begin engaging-

They wanted to discuss, but not with her.

Rejection stung, but at this point Casey was used to it, so after she cleared her throat awkwardly she glanced in the direction of the door and sighed. Her steps had felt lighter when she managed to actually be helpful for once- she secured this guy’s information, saving them time and effort- but it wasn't enough to win back the squad’s affection. The joy she felt at the minor victory was now tamped down, the bitter taste of the scorn she was trying desperately to adapt too heavy on her tongue.

“I’ll get a search warrant for the laptop, need anything else while I’m over at the courthouse?”

The resounding response was not yet, so she tugged her coat back on and focused on long strides towards the door, not the looming, overwhelming feeling of discontent.

She tried not to spit out the taste of bile that lay heavy on her tongue.

The rest of that day passed with little excitement. She had motions to file, court cases to research, and an uneventful arraignment. It felt like she was following steps laid out for her, stepping carefully on the paved floor, nothing at all like how she had used to race through the woods, chasing elk and laughter like a wolf no man could bring down. She missed feeling fearless, feeling free.

Casey was always one to fight until she was breathless, a smile on her face as her chest heaved with exertion. To throw herself into the mix, to face danger and pain and laugh at it, to take people into her arms herself and ensure it would turn out okay. She couldn't do that anymore, not with the axe hanging over her head.

She couldn't keep working this job with the other shoe dangling, lace seconds away from snapping. She couldn't keep herself looking up and wondering how long, how many more seconds she had to retain dignity, until it dropped and stole the trajectory of her life with it.

If she was younger, if she had spirit and confidence in her ability like she used to- if she had the support she used to have, the trust others used to bestow upon her- maybe she could find it in herself to keep fighting the good fight.

But she was disillusioned and tired, and no one believed in her anymore.

Not even her family, evidently. Three days later, she received a follow-up call from her younger brother, the elder of the two twins that had been born when she was starting elementary.

“Casey,” he started in a curt yet languished voice the way he always did, the slight accent he had picked up since moving to the south and marrying a Texan not lost in how he spoke, “How are you holding up?”

“Just fine,” she lied casually through her teeth.

“I don't buy that. Dad told me about your conversation the other day- about how he wants you to quit.”

Casey paused. She had been in the middle of prepping for a hearing, but with this she put her pen down in defeat. If her father told her brother, the rest of her siblings either already knew about the conversation or would soon. He had probably called to enquire if they’d do good on his proposal to support her if she retired early to care for Mom.

“...I don't know what you want me to say about that, he wants me to resign my position, but I think I’m doing well here. I’m back in my old position and everything is operating just as they used too,” - but they weren't, and if she did retire out of desperation soon she didn't want her lie to bite her in the ass, so she tried her best to cover herself - “and although I am considering it for the sake of Mom, I…”

“Casey,” he implored, “I'm your brother. I can tell when you're lying, and you've been miserable lately.”

Casey sucked her bottom lip into her mouth and stared aimlessly down at the motion she was writing a rebuttal against, watching the inked words turn into meaningless gibberish under her eyes. She stayed silent, and listened to him sigh.

“You don't have to be such a martyr,” he said softly, and it hurt.

“I’m not,” she tried to defend, but it fell flat.

“Listen, it's okay to just- to admit it's gone far enough,” he sighed, and she tried to interject, but he didn't let her.

“You were the rising star, I get it. But after the suspension, Casey, I mean- I read the news, right? When you're mentioned in the columns now it's only ever criticism, and you're not happy like you used to be at reunions, even Benny noticed-” - referring to his son, one of Casey’s many nephews, - “it’s just..”

“Daniel,” she murmured softly, trying to get him to understand that she knew, she was completely aware, she was grappling with the evidence already and he didn't need to remind her of how far she fell.

“I just want you to know that it's okay. You were always the toughie out of all of us, but… Case, you were also the one to bring home the stray kittens and build birdhouses. You’re strong, believe me, we know that, but I know how big your heart is, and this … I don't like seeing you unhappy.”

She closed her eyes, trying to focus on the iron grip she used to have, trying not to start getting emotional over the phone. Her head bowed without her noticing, and one of her paralegals glanced into her office as they walked by- great, another person as witness to her weakness.

“None of us would think any less of you,” he tried to console her, coax her, “it's a bad situation. The legal system sucks, we all know that. And I’ve talked it over with Rachel, and we’d be okay supporting you if you need it. To nurse Mom, or to find something else to do. You don't have to keep being somewhere that makes you so unhappy.”

Silent tears were rolling down her cheeks before she could realize, large glistening drops landing on the paper in front of her, her shoulders beginning to shake. She sucked the self disgust pooling in her mouth and swallowed, trying to keep her voice calm and even.

“Thank you, Daniel. I’ll see you when you all come up, okay? We can talk about this more then,” She offered, and he hesitantly accepted that motion to postpone.

If he realized there was an undercurrent of a sob in her voice, he didn't comment on it. Daniel hung up the phone.

Casey began to cry in her earnest, elbows driving into her table so she could conceal her face in her hands, shoulders shaking under the burden.

It wasn't so simple. Yes, yes, she was unhappy. She knew she was unhappy, and they were all right, she could leave, and honestly she thought that maybe she should.

But it wasn't just pride, ambition or stubbornness that kept her in this chair, it was the overwhelming drive to help. To do something, anything, to help the people who couldn't help themselves. To shield little kids from the men who wove their nightmares, to show women with red marks around their throats there was a shot at a better tomorrow, to fight, because God- she did really love fighting.

When she felt like she had power in her step, she adored the heady rush of a good debate, the smug victory of smashing a defense’s proposed story to bits. It had made all the issues in her life worth it, that knowledge that what she was doing was shielding the innocent from the evil. The validation a ‘guilty’ verdict after a hard case gave her was simply unrivaled.

Suffering through grueling law school, sleeping for hours she could count without the full use of a hand so she could instead pour her time hunched over laptops and law books full of enough legal jargon to kill a middle age man with confusion, waiting tables and odd jobs despite the exhaustion that nipped at her mind had all been considered worth it to her. Yes it was draining but the feeling of finally being able to pace on the courthouse floor and demand that justice be served to those in dire need of it had been entirely worth it. Just the knowledge she was commanding attention, she had authority, respect, and she could use it to help- that was all she had wanted.

What would she do with her words, if they weren't being used for that? What purpose could she possibly have?

It wasn't like resigning would mean she could help society in other ways, no, not like this. She couldn't find a place of worth with a reputation tarnished by her failure. Maybe if she had gone straight from reobtaining her licence somewhere else, then it would've worked, but she had craved SVU. Branch was right; she had grown to want it.

The slap on the back from Stabler, the way Olivia touched her on the upper arm, the chatter with Cragen. The victims stuck with her, but after those first few months it had turned from terrifying her with the weight of her own sympathy to a relentless drive to succeed and save more potentials. After her suspension, though, it was neither. The faces blurred together, because dull victories were the only way she could hope to keep the position at all, so her level of emotional involvement- her level of involvement at all, really, could not be regained.

Perhaps, if she was lucky, she might be able to be a teacher- one who her students would inevitably find the truth about and then laugh at- or volunteer somewhere where her fight to be recognized as powerful would simply continue until she really actually hit rock bottom.

If only she wasn't so exhausted, if only someone believed in her, if only. She would love her job if she wasn't marked by warning signs. She had known she’d need to rebuild her image and the dignity of her office but she had expected the trust from the people she had previously held stature with, but- no, they had forsaken her, and she couldn't find it in her to be upset with them around it, so all daggers she could throw turned inward.

As all it always did, time took care of her sobs, and she calmed herself down physically.

Her mental wounds were still wide open, but as she dried her face and blew her nose, she knew she’d be able to recompose herself so no one else could tell.

She had to start re-writing the same motion, as her tears had fallen on the paper and botched the ink, but that was fine. At least she was still filing motions- what used to feel mundane compared to the thrill of the active cases was now a solace, because at least she could do *something*. Soon she’d be able to do, and internally would be, nothing.

Daniel was right- there was no real reason for her to keep doing this to herself.

She’d be replaced by someone younger and feisty like she had used to be, or by someone wiser with reputation. They’d fight for justice the same way she was trying to, only they’d be successful, and they’d be applauded for it. They’d go back to squads to share the victory with, and go home to families. They’d have people who loved them, who watched and applauded them from afar.

But still. She wanted it so, so badly.

Desperation drove her when she thought the exhaustion would burn her out. She wanted to be good so badly, too badly. It meant every step felt like it was on a tightrope. She needed to feel like her work meant something, like she was winning some kind of fight, like what she did mattered to someone.

Her career was coming to an end, at some point desperation would turn into depression and she’d drown, but while she had a spark still flickering in her heart she wanted to use it on this.

A last few victories, please. A last shot to be appreciated for her life’s passion.

It was a couple days later when she was called back to the precinct on a development in that case, and Casey’s mind was consumed with pondering if her concealer managed to hide the eye bags she carried as she stepped inside, green eyes scanning for movement. Rollins, Cragen and Amaro were standing in a little triangle around the center of the squadroom, arms crossed.

“You called?” She said to no one in particular, and no eyes raised to especially meet hers, so she just glanced from face to face and chewed on the inside of her cheek. She just had to do whatever they wanted her to do, and then she'd be allowed to leave again.

God, she didn't even want to try anymore. She didn't want to keep attempting to prove herself to people who’d never give her the opportunity or the benefit of the doubt to do that. She missed Stabler and Lake. She missed when being called to the precinct made her feel energetic, like she was being helpful, like someone actually wanted *her* there, not just… whichever ADA happened to be on SVU rotation.

“So, we found most of the names on the list that kid gave us,” Amaro started, and Casey tried not to think about how Stabler would've slapped her playfully on the shoulder as a thank-you for helping acquire that list, “and this guy- this one whose spazzing out right now-”

She motioned into an interrogation room, where a very heavily disheveled looking man was pacing back and forth, dirty fingers running through locks of hair so filthy Casey wasn't sure if he was greying or if that was just the level of particles in it. He seemed very clearly to be homeless, suffering from some demons the detectives seemed not to care about to any extent.

“He seems to be the only suspect from it. His name is Peter Devilin, and he has a record for simple battery- he punched a librarian- a couple years ago, before psychiatric intervention. Diagnosed with schizophrenia which got him out of any real repercussions.”

“We have him on CCTV near the crime scene,” Rollins followed up, “and we’re pretty sure he did it- he keeps rambling, talking to someone, and he mentioned the victim’s name multiple times. We talked to the psychiatrist who worked with him back when he had medical insurance and he gave us these-”

The young blonde motioned to a stack of papers and Casey was momentarily upset no one had needed to ask her for a subpoena to hand over said documents, but then was distracted by the information on the small stack of leather-bound journals instead.

She picked up the chain of custody documentation Rollins must have filled out, scanning over the brief notes momentarily. The psychiatrist’s name and the address of his work place was jotted down- ‘Marc Mercer'.

A small light in Casey’s mind blinked on, recognizing that name from somewhere. Where was it? It had to have been in some of the case documentation she had been reading- but it couldn't have been anything major, or surely one of the others would've flagged it already.

Novak’s mind pulled out the helpful answer that it must be the work of false attribution. She read hundreds of names a day in research or in motions, on witness counts or on old incident reports- if one of the detectives hadn't realized anything strange about that name, they would've already found whatever was related to it.

But still, that small defiant spark burned in her throat. She knew this name from somewhere and she could feel the fire spreading to her gut, marking that sensation as important.

While pondering on that, she picked up one of the leather-bound journals and began to skim through it.

“He wrote about what he wanted to do,” Rollins added, not necessarily helpfully as Casey was already reading but Casey had lost the spunk that would've previously rewarded the younger detective with a sly remark.

Olivia announced her arrival into the space with an elongated sigh, running her fingers through her brow hair and taking space between Cragen and Amaro, leaning against a desk.

“That was the parents, again.” She told her fellow detectives with a dejected, flat voice, her eyes fixating on a spot on the floor as she shook her head. “They're really messed up over this.”

Amaro grimaced, tilting his head almost helplessly. “They're parents. I’m a parent- imagining your kid growing up, hearing how they're so desperate to be something, to do something grand, and then… then they end up in the morgue.”

Casey bit her lip. She hadn't any children herself, nor had she ever had any sort of attachment to any youngster other than her little siblings, so adding into that conversation seemed forced. But still, she could empathize, and she did. All those ambitions, all those dreams… It was a tragedy in every sense of the word.

“They're upset we haven't done anything yet,” Olivia murmured in a hushed tone, her voice heavy with the expectations of the victim’s family and associates.

Casey’s heart grew heavy- she understood the weight Olivia must feel, the pressure to achieve any sort of semblance of closure for the grieving individuals. But she knew the only way she could help was to understand and affirm justice, so she simply stayed quiet and kept her focus on the pages unfurled in front of her.

Reading the journals, even just letting her eyes flit over them as she was doing, was very disturbing.

The majority of it were surprisingly intricately detailed drawings and diagrams of human anatomy- bones, joints, muscles, blood vessels, major nerves. Diagrams of how what could bend, what would hurt and what wouldn't as much.

It digressed later into detailed sketches of women in painful positions, noting the extent to which muscle and bone could be manipulated. Women with their faces contorted in obvious fear, women trying to shield themselves.

Around the drawings were furious, insane scribbled notes in barely legitimate handwriting. Some were simply notes correcting anatomical mistakes in the drawings- ‘this joint wouldn't bend like that, not really’, ‘this bone would be longer’, and other things along those lines. Other notes seemed to be wondering what the pain would feel like, comparing it against other things. Some notes were readable but Casey could not comprehend what they were supposed to mean, just random strung-together words that didn’t make much sense in that order, and others were written in such poor lettering she genuinely would have to spend time trying to decipher the words, which she did not want to do.

“...and these journals were made while he was medicated?” Casey muttered darkly, biting her lip.

This would be difficult to prosecute- the squad would of course urge her to convict based off of premeditated intent to commit crime using the journals and the notes as evidence, but the scenario in which this man went off of medication seemed to be not be his fault- if he lost his job and lost his insurance, then winding up unmedicated and at the hands of an overzealous and exploitative psychology student who ended up just a bit too close at a bad moment would easily be plead away by a half-decent defense attorney.

Plus, making graphic drawings wasn't a crime. People drew violence all the time, and she’d have to argue with the defense that this proved sexual intent- none of the drawings, horrible as they were, included penetration or overtly sexual imagery.

As if reading her thoughts, Amanda shook her head slowly. “According to the psychiatrist, he actively decided he didn't want to see him anymore, and didn't want to take anything. He had medical insurance via his work, but he got fired due to erratic behavior after his prescription ran out. So, he took initiative in the ending of his therapy, and thereby..”

“..the cessation of his medication and therapies was entirely his decision, and I could book him for this.” Casey finished, closing the leather-bound booklet in his palms and holding it for a long moment before setting it back down with the others.

“Why didn't the psychiatrist report this? If he knew his patient had prior convictions of violence, he shouldn't have let him make the decision to go off medication like that-” Casey began, but Cragen shrugged.

“The system is overcrowded already. People like that slip through the cracks, and no one knows what a danger they really possess until it really happens.”

“But this-” Casey motioned to the stack of journals, “This is more than just…”

“It's sick, but it's not like we don't see this all the time, Casey.” Olivia replied gruffly, crossing her arms- not defensively, just in her usual stance. “Maybe your time off let you forget.”

Her voice was wry and flat and nothing about it came off as overtly mean or mocking- but Casey knew better.

She really couldn't be in the 1-6 for longer than five minutes without some sort of jab that would haunt her for the rest of the week, huh? Olivia couldn't let her have just a little peace? Some semblance of respect? But fine, if she wanted to be like that, to hell with it. Casey would be leaving soon anyway, her reputation was already soiled completely and if snapping at detectives let her feel just a little bit less like a dog backed into a corner, then that's just what she'd do.

“I want you to look into the psychiatrist,” she countered- well, that wasn't even a real counter. “I remember his name- he came up in a legal case before, and before I indict anyone I want to know why.”

She had wanted to snap, but after the ‘you’re off’ comment she had made the other day she couldn't find anything else worth saying. She would’ve had them investigate the psychiatrist anyway. But she made sure to say it in a voice that showed she wasn't submissive to Olivia’s comment, and Benson's nostrils flared in response, so that was good enough for her.

In the back of her head, she fantasized what it would be like if it was the old squad. Stabler would be standing there with his hands on his sides, glaring down at the pages of the journals as if reading to beat the pages themselves up for being a threat to any women in his life- including her, Elliot had been protective of her, and although they never spoke about it Casey had really appreciated the feeling that someone was looking out for her safety- and if Stabler were there, Olivia wouldn't be being so mean. Instead of biting at her, Olivia would've pursed her lips and nodded along at the belief this kind of neglect was unjustifiable, and would've volunteered to make sure nothing sketchy was going on herself before Casey even asked. Stabler would swing on his coat and they’d wave her goodbye, promising to call with an update within the next couple hours.

She missed Stabler.

She missed the version of Olivia who wasn't glaring so harshly at her that she felt as though two holes were about to be layered through her face. The version of Olivia who got drinks with her occasionally after cases, who softened up eventually and opened up to her. Who confided in her, who let her confide back in turn.

Well, that hadn't worked out at all, actually. Casey’s biggest secret- Charlie- even before Stabler's absence had been abused by this woman, so she supposed maybe she had been played for the fool this entire time. Maybe she was just dumb, and that's why she didn't deserve her occupation.

What-fucking-ever. She was too tired to care.

“On it, boss.” Rollins smiled and did a small fake-salute in her southern accent, and Casey huffed softly with appreciation at the lighter gesture.

If she was as enthusiastic as the younger version of herself, she thought perhaps she and Rollins would get along. She seemed sweet. But Casey just couldn't find it in her to try to bond with the squad anymore, not with one foot out the door.

Olivia, though, remained steadfast. With her arms crossed and her eyes harsh, she was an adversary that chipped away at Casey’s fragile psyche second by second, until Casey genuinely considered stepping away.

“What good is it going to do?” Benson questioned, her voice flat. “You’re worried you won't be able to book the schizo, so you're redirecting to an overworked doctor instead? Don't do that, Casey.”

That comment was worse, and everyone in the room knew it.

The lines of Cragen’s face contorted slightly, his face turning from the floor to Olivia’s face, and Amaro and Rollins mirrored the reaction of mild shock. That wasn't just a small remark anymore, that was an outright challenge to Casey’s ability to prosecute- that was disrespect no one could dismiss.

“I don't think it's up to you to decide what I can or cannot do, detective.” Casey responded, trying to mirror Olivia’s cold demeanour, bristling and straightening her back to her full height. “I’d advise you to stay in your lane.”

“I don't think you can advise me to do anything, counselor, not until you man up and remember what we do here.”

“Excuse me?” Casey flashed, her eyes burning, but Olivia began stepping forward and Casey had to physically freeze herself to not start stepping back. Olivia’s broad arm extended and a small part of the faux blonde’s brain wondered if Olivia was genuinely going to strike here, right here in the middle of the squad room, but Olivia was only pointing at the schizophrenic mess of a person pacing and babbling in an interrogation cell. Olivia snatched up a crime scene photo of the mess left of the young college student’s body in her other hand, dangling the image forward into Casey's face as if threatening her with it.

“This man defiled, degraded and ripped a young woman’s brutalized body apart,” Olivia snapped, “I won't let you throw another case because you're too- … too shrouded by your own personal failures to do what needs to be done here!”

Casey’s mind raced and she did ultimately step backwards- if only to be able to make eye contact with Olivia around the photo pushed into her face- her heart beginning to pound in her chest.

“You’ve got some fucking nerve-!” She snapped, trying to surge forward with the intensity she used too, but although Benson growled in her throat she didn't back down.

Casey forced herself to take a deep breath, to calm the adrenaline surging through her bloodstream like fire.

“Listen, Olivia,” She barked, the concerned faces of the others fading in the background of her vision as she focused on the furious expression before her, “I just know the name of the psychiatrist and want to make sure we cover all possible bases- it's not like we have any concrete or forensic evidence, everything you’ve provided me with is substantial at best.”

“We have just short of a dozen notebooks filled with anatomical drawings of torture!” Olivia snarled with poorly concealed indignation, and Casey scrunched her brow in response.

“Some sketchbooks, a record they knew eachother and the fact he was in the general area are not enough to prove without a shadow of a doubt that he murdered and raped that girl.”

“Casey, look at him!” Olivia pointed again, jabbing her finger in his direction, and the room went silent for a couple seconds as they watched the man’s erratic pacing.

The way his eyes darted from side to side, recognizing shapes and patterns no one else could see, was all too familiar. The look in his eyes resembled Charlie’s to a significant degree, the wary pupils and the bags beneath them, rimmed with red and purple and poorly cared for skin. But Charlie’s eyes were a warm, sunrise-on-ocean-water blue, and this man’s were a more submerged brown color.

He was snarling under his breath, his face set in a heavy, paranoid glare. As Casey watched he glared so fiercely at the glass separating them she thought he was shooting a path directly into her soul- but it was a one-way mirror, and he must be looking only at himself, or at someone between them Casey and the others couldn't see.

“I- I know, Olivia.” Casey hated the way her voice faltered, the way she had grown quiet and stared longer than the others had- when she had forced herself to look away, the others were already looking at her expectantly.

“But I’m telling you,” she continued, trying her best to still be stubborn despite the way her heart was fluttering uncomfortably, “I’ll draft the indictment while you search, and if nothing else turns up, I’ll try him for it. I just want all possible bases covered. Something is up with this psychiatrist.”

Because even though she wanted to let her own perception collapse under Olivia’s harsh gaze, she stood for the law first and foremost, and everything she learned from all her effort was that there was something wrong, something was missing, and she wouldn't be able to argue anything with the ferocity she tried to allocate to each of her cases until she believed fully there was a reason to do so.

Olivia exhaled slowly, and Casey’s heart sank in her chest, because the fire in the brunette woman's eyes was turning instead straight to ice, and she already knew her heart wasn't prepared to hear what Olivia was going to say next. The sense of doom was bad enough that Amanda leaned backward slightly and Cragen extended a hand outward as if to pause the conflict he had tried to allow in order to drive the investigation forward, but Olivia couldn't be halted.

“It's depraved,” she started, “I get that. I get you don't want to believe it's his fault- you didn't want to believe it was *his* fault, either-” the others looked mildly confused and Casey was so, so mortified that Olivia was airing her dirty laundry publically, even if the others didn't know what she was referring to Casey being beaten and bruised by her own fiance, “but so help me, if you're too weak to prosecute a case as transparent as this, just do us all a favor and resign before I call the DA to do it for you.”

Cold shock enveloped Casey’s body, even though in the back of her mind she wasn't at all surprised. Still, she could feel the now-familiar weight of exhausted panic pressing against the inside of her face, and she couldn't figure out how to respond to that, because what could she possibly say-?

“You better watch your fucking mouth,” She tried, the only possible response she could come up with, trying to sound like she was seething and not about to cry. It was disrespectful and mean and it fell flat immediately, it wasn't intensely debative like the previous portion of the argument had been, it was just a stupid completely empty threat that did nothing but signal Olivia had successfully hit a nerve.

“You’re out of line.”

The voice was loud, flat, stern and commanding. Even though it wasn't at all spoken with the same erratic volume as Casey and Olivia’s voices had been, it had effectively had both of them stepping backwards in opposite directions- making space for the speaker to enter rather dramatically into the scene.

Alexandra Cabot strolled into the space as if she owned it, her hair flowing around her shoulders with a golden hue like a battle angel come straight down from the heavens, or alternatively like a kindergarten teacher come to set some rambunctious child straight.

Casey bit her cheek and looked away, fully tilting her head in the opposite direction and closing her eyes with an unfiltered grimace on her face. As if Benson’s very overt disapproval wasn't enough, now she was going to get scolded by her own colleague- the woman she supposedly was on par with, although Novak had never been able to elicit the same respect as the Cabot name.

Instead of telling Olivia to bite her tongue she should've been minding her own- she was about to pay the price for her disrespect in the way of humiliation in the most mortifying degree. Dragged off by Alex, come to defend her friend (who didn't at all need defending, Olivia hadn't even blinked), or being berated by her in front of the majority of the squad- Casey briefly debated which one would be worse.

The embers of fury gnawed on her heart, through, and bitterly she wanted to lash out at her. Fuck them all for putting her in this position- how could they not tell that she was already through? She wasn't trying to be difficult, she just wanted to chase justice the way she always had- fuck, the way they did too. Why couldn't anyone see that? All she wanted was to do her job well, and all she got in return was being reminded that she was sick and tired and alone-

God, Casey was so alone.

Green eyes opened, expecting to find the icy depth of blue staring straight into her soul like a dagger forced through a ribcage, only to find the back of blonde hair.

Alex was standing between her and Olivia, but not facing her- and as Casey watched the elder attorney cross her arms and stiffen her spine, elongating to the full potential of her height, she grew momentarily confused.

“Liv,” Alex snapped, “If someone else told me you said what I just heard from your mouth, I would've slapped them for tarnishing your name.”

Casey couldn't see Olivia very well at all, since Alex was literally directly between them, but she heard the audible pause, the half-step backward.

Alex wasn't yelling, she wasn't berating and she wasn't cruel. She reminded Casey rather like a benevolent judge- one of the younger judges, more inclined to ensuring respect and decency in the courtroom, who naively attempted to get the prosecution and the defense to be respectful. They didn't understand- just like how Alex didn't really understand- that they were trying to mix oil and water.

Casey had been putting up with Olivia’s occasional disregard for her for years. The girl in the icebox, the side comments, the unsaid yet constant comparison, the usage of the worst secret she had as an act of revenge. It was tolerable in the years prior to Casey's suspension- it was just Olivia dealing with the stress of the job, Casey had acknowledged and accepted that. She didn't think Olivia ever forgave her for her inability to prosecute Lake’s perpetrator, and she didn't think she ever would, just like how Olivia would never allow her to fully prove herself, no matter how hard she tried. From the day they met, Casey had known she'd never meet Olivia's standard. Olivia’s standard, though, was the woman using her own body as a blockade between the two.

“Alex, I-” She heard a softened voice speak, Benson suddenly turning complacent in the face of her trusted friend.

“I’m not finished,” Alex said, raising a finger in the air- not taunting Olivia with it in the slightest, rather simply indicating she held the floor right now just like she did in court and was not planning on relinquishing it.

“I know the dealing with victim’s families is emotionally taxing, difficult and strenuous, I just got finished with them myself-” (Oh, Casey thought, that's why they weren't asking her for subpoenas or search warrants, they must be bypassing her to get Alex instead, choosing to let her get close to investigations the way they chose to keep pushing her out) “but that's not excuse to question the integrity of the DA’s office by accusing a senior assistant district attorney,”

Casey felt herself swallow, her heart clenching at the way Alex said her full title with a note of reverence, with regard- but then, why shouldn't she? Alex, noble and respected as she was, was still an assistant district attorney, and technically Casey did outrank her in that regard, even though no one ever acted like it. Alex was acting like it now, though, and suddenly Casey felt like she was standing on solid ground again.

“of responding insufficiently.” Alex was still talking, still commanding the rapt attention of everyone in the room- even some of the background officers who milled about had frozen to watch her speak.

“You conduct investigations under the directions of your Captain, who I have not seen make any sort of inquiry against Novak’s handling or suggestions-” she nodded respectfully at Cragen who blinked and then chose not to respond, favoring instead to let her play this out, “and at the digression of the ADA herself, whether it be me, Hardwicke or her. To question her decision to direct further investigation is to imply the DA’s office and the body we compose as your working prosecutors lack authority and I will not allow you to employ such blatant disregard. Attempting to threaten an attorney into indicting solely at your whim is an affront to all of us- myself included.”

Alex then let her finger drop, because she knew it was unnecessary to keep holding it, Olivia wouldn't dare interject again when Alex was using her prowess the way she was. She had the circle of people entirely subdued into silence. Casey felt her chest loosen, and her ability to breathe came slightly easier.

“And that's all ignoring the disrespect towards information that was personally confided to you,” Alex said this in a lower voice, still stern and commanding but intentionally directed in a way only the circle of people could hear- again, Rollins and Amaro and even Cragen seemed rather perplexed, although despite the way they seemed confused when Olivia had brought up things unbeknownst to them, when Alex did they seemed to detach, trusting that it was simply not meant for them to be aware of.

“Which, frankly,” Alex shook her head slowly, “As your friend, I'm appalled by.”

Casey bit her lip, her hands twitching by her sides as she heard Alex inhale again, letting the momentary pause ring heavy in the air before making her version of a closing argument.

“Novak is a brilliant prosecutor and her decision to investigate any possible motive into who will most likely be your star character witness, as well as the person who gave you the only key evidence you have, is perfectly logical- I would've instructed you to do the same. I’m not entirely sure why you're so affronted, but your irreverence is palpable and I won't have that. You know better.”

Olivia audibly exhaled and Alex moved aside, glancing between the two for a half second.

No one took the floor for a long second, Benson staring at Casey with an air of discomfort and Casey staring back blankly, her mind reeling with the words that had come from Alex’s lips.

Someone was in her corner?

Someone was in her corner. Why?

Alexandra Cabot was in her corner, and Casey had no clue how the universe had granted her that solace, but Jesus Christ.

It wasn't miraculous, and it wasn't as though the weeks of exhaustion and slow deterioration were suddenly reversed. Casey was not suddenly a new, refreshed person. But the ember she had fostered, determined to keep alive until something happened- that ‘something happened’ had just unfolded.

Alex had granted her the respect, the acknowledgement she had so wearily accepted to deprivation of. Casey felt seen, as though a part of her had been invisible for months- years- was finally opaque and recognized. The ember she had tried so hard to shield flickered back and then became again a small flame, not the bonfire it used to be, but suddenly Casey felt as though she had the strength to bring it back to that level.

Alex trusted her- Casey wasn't sure how much of the conversation she had heard, how much evidence she knew about, but- enough that she assumed whatever Casey was demanding was for the best interest of the case. Alexandra Cabot, the golden girl of the squad, trusted that Casey was acting in the best interest of justice.

Olivia realized it, too. Casey was really just trying to cover all aspects of the case, not redirect or play her own agenda this time. It was as though she had had cold water splashed in her fevered, sleep-deprived addled face, woken up and made to see straight. Threatening Casey wasn't going to get her anywhere.

“...I’ll start pulling files,” Olivia said finally, her voice tinged with regret. “I didn't mean to … I didn't mean to cross a line. You're right, I’m getting tunnel vision.” (and I miss Elliot, Casey filled in mentally for her, I’m not doing well because I hate working without the stability and support my partner provided, and I just wanted to speed the case up so I can bury myself in a new shocking tragedy so I don't have time to think about him, because this case reminds me of how scared I was he would have to stop working because of Picard, and now he is genuinely gone, and I’m not coping well.) Casey accepted the partially verbal apology.

“Actually, I think Rollins and Amaro can work on that,” Cragen spoke finally. “Take some time and think about what you need to do to approach this case clear-headed, Olivia. See me in my office in an hour.”

Olivia bristled at the dismissal, but after being scolded so thoroughly by Alex- especially with the blonde still stationed so close- she didn't disobey. With a last glance at Casey- one with softened, apologetic eyes- she turned on her heel and left presumably to the cradle.

Amanda and Nick seemed to jump at the opportunity to awkwardly scramble off, impatient to begin working again and leave the very vocal confrontation between their senior detective colleague and not one but two of their ADAs.

“This was … something,” Casey murmured, after the silence stretched on for a longer moment, now exclusively between Cragen, Alexandra and her, “but I'm… I have work to do.”

“I’ll give you a lift, I need to return to the DA’s office as well.” Alex offered, and Casey thought it would be rude to refuse- especially because refusing would mean hailing a cab while Alex drove her own car, or hiding in the bathroom until Alex left, which seemed pointless and also moderately embarrassing.

“I’ll try to rein Liv in,” Cragen said as a final note, which both attorneys nodded too but otherwise let hang in the air.

Alex walked a couple inches closer to Casey than she would've entirely preferred, but didn't attempt to glance at her as the two ADAs exited the precinct, which she did appreciate.

“I’m sorry, Casey.” Alex said, her voice suddenly smooth and soft like a blanket Casey could wrap herself in, “I didn't mean to fight your fight for you. It was disrespectful for me to step in like that- it's just, I’m friends with Liv, and I hated hearing her berate you like that. She can get really carried away.”

“It’s fine,” Casey responded in what she hoped was a curt, indifferent voice. “Liv’s having a tough time without Elliot, I expected it.”

“That's no excuse for how she was addressing you, though.” Alex murmured, but in an observational, light, almost conversational tone instead of a pressing argumentative one. Casey could only shrug in response, tugging her coat back on as the two exited the precinct doors.

Obviously, Casey felt guilty for her inability to help carry the conversation. It wasn't in her interest to spend the drive back to the DA’s office in a prickling silence. But her hands were shaking just slightly near her sides, and she was consumed trying to calm her sympathetic nerve system to an extent to which she just really couldn't try to formulate the kind of precise, intentional words she’d want to be using with Alex. Making a fool in front of the elder, esteemed attorney by stumbling over exhausted, nervous words while trying to make sure Alex knew Casey wasn't actually upset at Olivia wasn't what she wanted to deal with right now.

Her heart was still beating uncomfortably, not particularly fast, but strong enough to register in her neck and ears. Casey’s lungs seemed just constricted enough to be a nuisance, and her mind was still whirling through a variety of observations, thoughts and topics. She wished she could scream at her anatomy to just stop, quit it, so she could take a deep breath and pause the cortisol flowing through her.

The faux blonde allowed Alex to lead her to where her car was parked, and they remained in a mildly tense silence throughout the brief journey. Alex seemed more inclined to allow Casey her retreat into introspection and Casey couldn't force herself to make words fall from her mouth if she tried- that is, if she tried, such she currently was not attempting to do.

Alex unlocked the car and circled around to the driver’s side, and Casey mechanically settled in on the front passenger’s seat, staring ahead rather blankly as she waited for Alex to begin driving- which she didn't do.

Once both car doors were closed, the blonde attorney turned to Casey, her expression unreadable.

“Casey, I’m going to hold your hand now.” Alex said in a soft, authoritative voice, before reaching over and clasping two hands around one of Casey’s. Her hands were soft and without discernible temperature, but they felt comforting in a way that mildly surprised her.

Casey blinked at Alex with furrowed brows, but she didn't move to shake the elder woman’s hands away, which Alex half-smile at encouragingly.

“If someone were to yell at me like that,” Alex continued gently, “I’d be all kinds of broken up about it. I can't stand loud sounds and erratic movements. And I’d want someone to sit me down, hold my hand, and listen so I could talk it through. Is that what you’d want to do?”

“No,” Casey said hoarsely, feeling a sob bubbling within her lungs. “I don't want to talk.”

Alex speaking to her with that tone, soothing, low and melodic, was simply too much for her right now. She wouldn't be able to recover if she lost her composure in front of her colleague, and if she tried to speak, tried to explain anything, she’d begin crying- she didn't realize how close she was to tears until just now.

“Do you want me to keep talking?” Alex hummed, and Casey again shook her head in denial. She felt guilty she was rejecting Alex with no type of explanation, but she couldn't explain herself, and Alex seemed to understand.

Then, so soft it was almost whispered, “..Do you want me to hold you?”

She said it so softly, with such a note of emotion, that Casey almost thought it sounded like that was what Alex really wanted to do herself.

Casey’s head met Alex’s shoulder before she realized she was moving, and despite what the overwhelming fear that sank into her mind said the second she did so, Alex was entirely receptive, her hands raising to cradle her skull softly.

She’s just back from international work in the Congo, Casey thought to herself miserably, I’m sure she’s used to cleaning up people’s breakdowns. I’m sure she’s exactly the type of good person I’m not.

Casey’s shoulders were shaking and she couldn't stop them, and her arms were numbly pawing around Alex's sides to bring the other woman closer. Alex tightened her grip, sliding one thigh across the divider in a way that must be uncomfortable and her other leg beneath her, so she could lean across and make the embrace all that much easier for the other woman.

The younger attorney could feel Alex exhaled against her scalp, and if Casey pictured it she could see Alex’s eyelids fall shut with empathy, her slim fingers laced around Casey’s shoulders like thread that held ripped fabric together.

But as much as Casey felt horrible about letting the woman comfort her, she couldn't bring herself to pull away. The allure of Alex’s warm, inviting figure, the solace being embraced brought, especially after the years of feeling so utterly alone, was too much to reject- it didn't stop her from feeling guilty about it, though. She didn't want to accept Alex's pity, but oh, how she did need it.

“It's okay,” Alex said the second Casey opened her mouth to apologize, “I’ve got you. It's hard, I know.”

That notion rang clear in Casey’s disoriented mind. Alex had referenced something specific in her verbal takedown she had no clue how the elder woman would be aware of.

“How did you know about him?” Casey said suddenly, raising her head and pulling back, staring at Alex with bleary eyes, “About Olivia telling Branch about-?”

Alex winced, then, her shoulders tilting inward just the slightest bit, her hands flexing as though she wanted to pull Casey back.

“...Liv told me,” She breathed finally, after a pause. Casey’s mind went momentarily blank, so stressed everything faded out to void, and she rested her forehead against Alex’s shoulder again, exhausted beyond measure. She'd resign next week, she internally decided, she’d recuse herself from all her active cases and leave. This was too much, all too much. But she didn't make any move to pull away from Alex, if anything, she shifted just the slightest bit closer. Alex was still talking, she realized faintly.

“She mentioned you during your suspension, when she thought- when she thought I was getting too involved.”

“What?” Casey murmured, her voice seemingly heavy and far-away. “You? You get too involved?”

Alex chuckled softly. “Haven't you heard about how I ordered an illegal search?”

It caught Casey off guard that Alex would offer up information like that. That she’d care about this conversation enough to divest vulnerability like that. Casey swallowed, once, and then when Alex’s hands flexed again, she lowered her face back to the blonde's shoulder. Alex’s slight anxiety seemed to soothe in that instant, her hands able to regain their purchase on the back of Casey’s head.

Casey thought that if she wasn't so emotionally pent up, she’d think Alex’s slight discomfort at not being able to hold her was cute.

“No, I haven't. Tell me about it,” Casey murmured, and Alex fully turned her torso in her direction, settling into a more comfortable position as she regarded the window thoughtfully, composing her words for the impromptu bout of storytelling. She wasn't particularly proud of this moment, but if it made Casey feel better, she’d divulge.

“This boy was the victim of a pedophile,” Alex started slowly, “and I knew- I knew something was wrong when he said he’d be going home, but I.. I watched him walk out of my office, and that night I got a call he’d try to kill himself, and it was horrible. He was hooked up to all those machines, and the mother was screaming at me- I had been decked by another victim of the same guy, and I thought I’d get it again from her.”

Casey nestled a bit closer, a small exhale against Alex’s neck that signalled she was listening. If Alex looked down, she'd see a rounded green eye attentively focused on her face, but she didn't. Alex was partially zoned out the way Casey always felt when she was recounting her own prior cases to herself.

“We knew from another victim, one who had grown up and been incarcerated, that the boy would have tapes of the crime in his room, and the judge denied my search warrant to go retrieve them. But I sent the detectives anyway. Liv asked me if I had a search warrant and I…” Alex shrugged slightly, Casey’s head following the motion from where it rested. “I tried to steamroll my way right through it. Still remember how…” Alex paused to search for a word she couldn't find, “how I felt after.”

It was hard for Casey to reconcile the woman before her as someone who had broken the law, but somehow the knowledge she was human like her stopped the churning of her stomach slightly.

“This seems stupid to say,” Casey murmured in her low rasp, “but I never realized you were… that you could make the kind of mistakes I do.”

Alex chuckled again sadly. “I’m far from perfect. I can be insensitive, harsh, I get tunnel vision. I put people in danger.”

Casey bit her lip, hesitantly raising her head again.

“And I call in favors,” Alex continued, “My uncle… I leaned on him a lot early in my career. On his connections with other judges. Petrovsky called me out on that before. I made a lot of publicity mistakes, too, once I didn't- I tried to navigate a case and let a boy off easy, and he ended up,” Alex swallowed, then, “murdered in the street.”

“Before I was suspended, I almost got an assault charge.” Casey admitted softly, trying to add into the conversation, not wanting Alex to be the only one bearing herself vulnerable. “I pushed a juvenile sex detention facility head against the wall after I found out that- that abuse was ongoing within the facility. After I sent… a boy there.”

“It’s tough.” Alex sighed as a response, and Casey nodded slowly. She raised her head back up, pushing her head instead against the headrest of the leather car seat, watching Alex watch her.

They sat together in silence, although unlike during the walk to the car, it wasn't uncomfortable. It wasn't bursting with racing minds and words not said, rather the budding sense of familiarity and camaraderie. Casey understood how Alex felt, and Alex understood what Casey wasn't saying. They were fighting the same fight, after all. Who would better comprehend the struggle than one who was in the same shoes?

“It starts to get exhausting,” Casey said slowly, her green eyes flicking upwards to scan Alex’s face, seeking validation in solidarity, “the politics of it all. I just …”

“... want to help,” Alex finished for her, tilting her head and raising her shoulder before letting it drop. “Want to make a difference, want to… ensure justice for people who need it. Provide solace to someone.”

“You get it,” was all Casey could respond with, but Alex nodded.

“Did you really need to go back?” Alex murmured, using her hand to motion to the steering wheel she wasn't using, and Casey pursed her lips.

“No,” she answered honestly. “I just didn't want to be in the precinct anymore. Did you?”

“No,” Alex responded in turn, and then blue eyes flicked up, studying Casey’s face as her lips curved into a soft, knowing smile. “I just … wanted the excuse to talk to you.”

Casey’s gaze slid around Alex’s features, taking in the softened gaze, the curve of her cheeks at her gentle smile, the tilt of her glasses, the slope of her hair. She noted how elegantly Alex always held her arms, but for once, she didn't try to compare herself against her colleague, rather just took in the fact a woman this gorgeous was trying to provide her with the solace she so desperately needed.

“Let's talk, then.” She murmured, and then in a rush of confidence, “It's been a while since someone tried to …”

She didn't know what she wanted to finish that sentence with. No one had stood up for her, no one had offered her a degree of companionship, no one had put in that much effort to engage with her. But that seemed utterly pathetic to divulge, so she bit her tongue. As always, as she was learning to understand through this brief interaction, Alex could tell what she meant without her needing to say it. It was comforting.

“Are we continuing this conversation in the parking lot, or am I driving you somewhere nicer, Ms. Novak?” Alex hummed, extending her arms to wrap around the steering wheel so she could lightly tap-tap-tap her fingers against it, and Casey chuckled.

“Somewhere nicer? What, are you asking me out?” Casey snorted, mirroring Alex’s turn to a proper sitting position and crossing her arms in front of her chest.

“...Would you be more or less willing if it was?” Alex smirked, but it was obvious she was jesting.

Casey grinned, closed her eyes, and flexed her eyebrows with a bit of snark she found within herself she hadn't been sure still existed. “I’m not a cheap date, counselor.”

“Then we’ll get along, because I refuse to eat anywhere that doesn't have tablecloths and a separate wine menu.” The elder attorney shot her a small smile, turning on the car’s ignition and beginning to pull out of the parking space, apparently having decided on a place already.

“Never ask me to cook for you though,” she followed that up with, “I can afford a good cut of steak, but for the life of me I wouldn't be able to cook it.”

“Then you buy it, and I’ll cook. I’ve been told I know my way around searing steak.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Alex chirped, removing one hand from the steering wheel to enclose the top of Casey’s hand, “I never did treat you to something after you saved my life. I wanted to.”

The teasing air morphed into something softer once more, warm and comfortable, as Casey’s eyes softened in Alex’s direction. The blonde was now focusing on the road, so she couldn't see the way Casey studied her features, which only created incentive for Casey to take her time doing so.

“Did you mean what you said?” She didn't like how timid her voice came out, but the words spilled from her lips before she could stop them. Alex shot her a brief glance, raising an eyebrow that signalled a nonverbal ‘about what?’.

“about … me being a decent prosecutor,” Casey pressed rather lamely, her voice not really full of conviction, because she didn't really know if she wanted the honest answer. She didn't want to hear Alex lie, and she didn't want to hear Alex struggle to justify it either.

To her surprise, Alex’s immediate response of “yes” was not hesitant or thoughtful. She said it as though it were an unarguable fact.

“I think you forget,” Alex added, “One of the people your legal prowess saved was me.”

That was before her suspension, Casey noted to herself with a sigh, back when prosecuting felt perhaps not as easy, but as natural as breathing. But maybe, possibly, with the knowledge at least one person wanted to put in the effort to support her, at least one person didn't struggle to decide if Casey was worthy of being an attorney- maybe that one person’s acknowledgement could satisfy her craving for validation. Maybe she really could climb her way back up again. Maybe it wasn't all lost.

But also, maybe that wasn't something she really had to decide ultimately in this particular moment. She could simply enjoy the company of another person who understood the intricacies of the life this job provided, chatter and storytell, and allow the drained battery to recharge. She didn't need to dedicate her life to SVU, and didn't need to start drafting her resignation forms either.

She could just choose on the simple decision of allowing Alex to take her for dinner, and worry about the rest when she could handle it, because it did now feel as though she would soon be able to handle it.

“You're really something, you know that?” She responded, turning back to face the road, and she could hear Alex smile in response.

“Just trying to repay the favor you did me,” Alex smoothed, “and… well, women like us, we should stick together.”

Casey nodded once in agreement, her lips curving into an easy smile as she replied, “that we should.”

[tunemyart]

The thing about Alex Cabot that I keep coming back to is that even in her earliest, most "I must follow the letter of the law" blonde bob and power suit days, she still has an enormous reputation with judges for finding loopholes that she can twist to suit her arguments and her own sense of justice, to the point that they call her out on it! That is in fact one of the biggest points of her character! Right there from the beginning!

So say, just for example, that you're watching one of her earliest episodes: Season 2, episode 11, "Abuse." If you haven't watched it recently, this is the one where Olivia Benson becomes attached to a superstar singer's daughter who is hurting herself as a cry for attention due to her parents' neglect. Alex gets involved because Olivia asks her to and Alex is, as always, unable to resist a direct appeal from Olivia.* She finagles a perfectly legal way for the daughter to be removed from the home - bypassing family court, which, when they end up there as planned, does not earn her any favors with the judge.

Again, to reiterate: this is eleven whole episodes into Alex Cabot's entire character.

*another longstanding character trait, by the way, that I can't believe I don't see discussed more often because it makes me insane - and which is similarly seeded right here at the very beginning of Alex's character, before Alex and Olivia could even really be called friends!

[miss-soph-star]

Alex Cabot x Daughter Reader x Casey Novak (Little League Softball)

☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ☾

Casey teaches Alex's young daughter to play softball for the first time as they begin their journey living together

☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ☾

Earlier that month Alex asked Casey to move in with her and her daughter y/n, and without hesitation Casey agreed. Since then, Casey’s newfound role of caring for y/n alongside her girlfriend had become the norm. Though the transition was a substantial change for both Alex and Y/n, it was made easier by Casey’s natural ability to connect with people through her charming and exuberant personality. Casey had quickly become the perfect role model for y/n, who loved her playful attitude, soon y/n became curious of Casey’s favourite sport, softball and decided she wanted to learn how to play too. Casey of course was overjoyed, and Alex was so happy to see her girlfriend and daughter’s relationship developing.

One early Saturday morning as the sun shone through Alex and Casey room, Alex woke up to the sound of tiny giggles coming from the backyard. Sitting up she smiled cherishing in the moment, knowing that it was Y/n and Casey starting their day with the usual fun. Though as she walked through the house and onto the patio, she was greeted by the sight of Y/n wearing a pastel pink baseball cap and jersey with her name printed on the back in white letters. Though the jersey was slightly oversized on the toddler’s tiny frame Alex could see how happy she was and how much effort Casey had gone too in making this a special moment for y/n, allowing her to fall in love with the sport just as she did. Casey was dressed in her favourite athletic wear, black sculpting leggings and a baggy burgundy crop top, her red hair pulled back into a ponytail with her slight fringe framing her face. Casey was setting up a small plastic tee and a soft, pink ball, for y/n to play with.

“Good morning, sleepyhead!” Casey called out teasingly as a small smile crept onto her face, in seeing her beautiful girlfriend fresh from bed, slightly tousled hair and a pair of matching silk pyjamas. “We’re just about to start y/n’s first softball practice. Want to join us?”

“Softball?” Alex raised an eyebrow, intrigued. “I didn’t know you were teaching her that today.” Alex took a seat on the swing chair watching over her two-favourite people.

“Of course! I thought it would be a great way for Y/n to have some fun and learn something new,” Casey replied, her eyes sparkling with excitement. “Plus, it’s a perfect day for it, look how glorious the weather is!”

Y/n leapt over to Alex, her y/e/c eyes sparkling with enthusiasm. “Mommy! Look at my new top that Casey got me! It has my name on the back, see!” y/n turned showing off her top to her mom. “Mommy, watch me hit the ball!” she exclaimed, her little hands jittering with excitement as she bounded up and down on her toes.

Alex couldn’t help but smile at her daughter’s eagerness. “Okay princess, I’m in. Let’s see what you’ve got!” Alex cheered here daughter on from the patio as y/n ran over to Casey who stood in position.

Casey knelt beside Y/n, adjusting the tee to the right height for her, as y/n eagerly swung her arms side to side buzzing with excitement. “Alright, Y/n, remember what we practiced. Stand with your feet apart, hold the bat with both hands, and keep your eye on the ball. You can do it!”

Y/n nodded seriously, trying to mimic Casey’s stance and concentration. Alex watched as Casey patiently guided her daughter, demonstrating the proper grip and swing technique. The love and encouragement in Casey’s voice made Alex’s heart flutter and bring tears to her blue eyes. She could see how much Casey cared for Y/n, treating her like her own daughter, knowing she couldn’t have asked for a more supportive, caring partner.

“Okay, Y/n, take a deep breath and swing!” Casey encouraged, stepping back slightly to give her space. Y/n focused intently on the ball, her little brow furrowed in concentration and with a determined swing, she softly connected with the ball, sending it flying off the tee, bouncing a few feet away. Y/n squealed with delight, jumping up and down shaking her hands. “I did it! I did it! Mommy, Casey look!”

“You sure did! Well done my little superstar!” Alex stood up cheering and clapping her hands over her head. “That was amazing, Y/n! You’re so good at that!” Alex looked over at Casey with was beaming at Y/n. Y/n was practically glowing with pride and excitement was now spinning around in a circle as Alex watched on giggling at her energy. “Now, let’s try again. Remember, it’s all about practice. The more you do it, the better you’ll get lovey!” With that y/n ran over to Casey again, waving at her mom, a smile still plastered on her face as her little hands held the bat.

As the morning continued, their softball practice was in full swing, y/n adamant to get it perfect. Casey was ever patient with the little girl, offering help and encouragement as Y/n swung the bat repeatedly. Each time Y/n grew increasingly confident, her laughter filling the morning air as she chased after the ball, her energy boundless. Alex could not help but admire the bond forming between Casey and Y/n. It was heartwarming to see Casey take on this nurturing role, and it made Alex fall even more in love with her as time progressed.

After an hour of practice, they decided to take a break, plopping down on a blanket in the shade sipping lemonade and fruit, that Alex prepared for her girls. Y/n, with her cheeks flushed from excitement, leaned against Casey. “Can I have a strawberry please mommy?” Alex nodded, passing y/n a plate of strawberries cut up into little pieces watching as y/n began eating them. “Thank you mommy. Thank you Casey. I had so much fun! It’s my new favourite thing in the world ever!” As y/n’s enthusiasm shone through Alex and Casey glanced at each other smiling.

“Can we play again tomorrow?” Y/n asked, looking up at Casey her eyes shining with hope. “Absolutely! Why don’t we make it a regular Saturday morning thing,” Casey replied, running her hand through y/ns hair affectionately. “You’re going to be a little softball star in no time lovey!” Alex watched the two of them interact, her heart swelling with pride. It was moments like these that reminded her how lucky she was to have Casey in her life. Not only was she an incredible partner, but she was also becoming a fantastic parental figure to Y/n.

As the day went on the trio spent time outside playing and laughing, and when the sun began to set returned inside, where Alex prepared dinner. The sound of laughter continued to echo through the apartment, as the night rolled on. Soon Alex was helping her daughter brush her teeth and tucking her into bed. She couldn’t help but reflect on how much had changed since Casey came to live with her, she brough so much light into their little home and she was grateful for the little family they were building together.

“Goodnight, princess. I love you. Sleep tight, see you in the morning light.” Alex said, kissing y/n’s forehead gently, brushing her hair from her face. “Night, night mommy. I love you!” Y/n replied sleepily snuggling into her favourite plushie frog. As Alex closed the door, she walked into the living room where Casey waited, a soft smile on her face as they curled up on the sofa together. Casey pulled Alex into her arms, resting Alex on her chest. “Maybe I could take her to the batting cages someday, Alex.” Alex cuddled further into Casey smiling, “She would love that Casey, you know how much she adores you, just like I do. Thank you for being so good with her.” And with that the night drew to a close, the lovers intertwined together as their daughter slept soundly.

[elizabethsnuts]

Casey Novak x Alex Cabot x Daughter!Reader requests anybody? ☺️❤️

[mygfisprentiss]

I want to be close to you

what if Casey was never censured, Alex came back in season 7 and they had to work together? -

-

-

Watching from the doorway Alex deeply admired Casey, she seemed so graceful yet intimidating from a few feet away. She loved the hoarseness of her voice, how her copper hair laid on her shoulders; she wondered how it would feel in her hands.

      She knew it would never happen - could never happen; they were barely friends, colleagues at the most, Casey didn’t even call her “Alex” it was always Cabot, or counselor. 

Before Alex even thought of coming back she used to imagine how the squad liked Casey. She’d call Liv asking about the new ADA asking if she was as good as her, as cliche as it sounds Alex missed her friends, she wished she didn’t have to use a burner phone to call Liv; she wanted to drink coffee with colleagues, walk in Central Park, she wanted to be a prosecutor again.

      “Heard we got a new ADA what’s up with Novak?” Fin yelled out as he walked back into the squad room; everyone starts looking around like he was spouting nonsense. “Sergeant where exactly did you hear that?” The captain wondered along with everyone else but no one was ready for who was about to walk in.

    “Alexandra Cabot back from the dead.” 

Alex’s face went white as she walked in the squad room as she heard Stabler, “holy mother of god.”

It felt so nostalgic for Alex to talk with the squad again; to finally smile with Liv again, laugh with munch and Fin, and Cragen giving her that kind of side hug only a father could give to his daughter. Although she wasn’t the only one wondering where Novak was. 

 “Oh how I’ve missed you Alex!” As she pushed up her glasses to see who was barging in her door she soon became much happier; George huang her confidante. 

“George, it’s so nice to see you! Believe me i wanted to call you once I came back but as soon as i moved back into here they put me straight to work.” Alex felt like an ass for not sending him anything, before she had to go into witsec her and George were like two peas in a pod being the squad’s helpers. They’d go out for drinks, watch movies together, he was always there whenever she had a case too twisted for her office to handle. 

“So have you seen Casey since coming back?” Alex could feel her ears turn red as she thought of her office crush; it felt odd to call it that because Alex has never had a crush, she definitely has never liked a woman before. All she could respond with was “no, but I think branch is trying to get us to meet.”

    “Hello?” 

Casey and Alex unknowingly responded the same exact way to Branches message; he wanted them to officially meet outside of the courtroom, he had a proposition for them. 

 “So you want us both on svu?” Casey was mind boggled; she thought this was Ludacris, she could barely get past the fact that Alex was back, she seemed so intimidating and not to mention how stunning she was. Every time she passed her after court it felt like her heart was pounding so hard it would burst; all Casey knew was that before her time at svu, Alex was unstoppable; the squad admired her and she was known as the ice queen throughout the DA’s office. 

‘This cannot be happening’ the only thing that could come to Alex’s mind. She honestly wouldn’t mind working along with another ADA because god knows the workload at svu was hell; but to work with Casey would be damn near impossible. No matter what, whenever Novak was in Alex’s view she couldn’t think about anything besides her; their was no aspect of Casey’s that Alex wasn’t in awe of, her green eyes; whenever piercing blue eyes met Casey’s it felt like the world stopped for just a second; Casey’s lips; as inappropriate as it was Alex couldn’t stop staring at her pink lips, they looked so soft like an angel’s; she could say anything and it wouldn’t matter because Alex was in such awe of Casey, she could do nothing wrong.

[lesbehonestsstuff]

I apologize for what I’m about to do 😀 remember when I posted about Casey going to visit Alex’s mom after Alex died ? well I took it and ran with it and out came a heartbreaking fic so here you go

Word count: 3882

Also @wild-fleurs you put the idea in my head to write this so now we can both be sad

Casey was trying, she was trying her best to keep going, but most days she couldn't even find the strength to get out of bed. Today though she had managed, managed to pull herself from the nest of grief she had made of their room, and somehow stumbled uptown. She stood in front of the heavy oak door, the night chill creeping through her bones despite the wool coat she had hastily thrown on. She raised her hand to knock but hesitated. The last thing she wanted was to bother Caroline. She felt hollowed out, like there was nothing left of her but grief and guilt, and showing up at this hour—it felt selfish. But where else could she go?

She had no one else in the city. Her parents didn’t talk to her anymore, her siblings lived in other states, she was all alone. Except for Caroline. Caroline, who had been stoic the day of the funeral letting tear after tear fall when her daughter's casket was lowered to the ground. Casey had been beside her and she barely managed to keep it together before she excused herself, sobs clawing out of her throat as she fled needing to get as far from the cemetery as she could.

She felt bad about it later but she couldn’t handle it and couldn't be there on the receiving end of people’s sympathy. She hadn’t seen Caroline since and quite frankly she didn’t know why she was currently standing in front of the brownstone; she just knew she had to get out of their apartment. Away from the reminders of what her life used to look like, Alex marking every part of it

Her hand hovered a second longer before she tapped lightly. The sound was so soft she worried it hadn’t registered, but within moments, the door creaked open. Caroline Cabot stood in the soft lamplight, dressed in her silk robe, her face apparently calm, but there was an exhaustion born not from physical tiredness, but from the endless weight of grief that Casey could see in her features. Caroline so poised graceful could very well be the only person who might understand what Casey was feeling.

"Casey," Caroline’s voice was low, carrying with it a warmth that broke something inside of Casey. That made her ache because not even her wife dying had gotten her own mother to at least pick up the phone and check on her. "What are you doing here, darling? It's so late."

“I—I didn’t know where else to go,” Casey whispered, the words catching in her throat. Her eyes stayed fixed on the threshold, unable to meet Caroline’s gaze. She was begining to regret her decision to come intrude on Caroline’s night.

Caroline however stepped aside immediately, the silent invitation giving Casey the slightest of comfort. "Come inside, sweetheart."

Casey walked in, her body stiff and uncertain, the warm, familiar smell of the house wrapping around her, pulling her back to all the times she and Alex had spent here. For Casey it had been awkward at first. The lavish home occupied by people she could never begin to pretend she could be. It had made her feel inferior but slowly the more Alex invited her over to see her mother in law the more comfortable Casey got. She started loving the place, always warm, always lingering with the smell of tea. But tonight, the memories were sharp, jagged. They cut into her, not as much as in her apartment but still so incredibly painful.

As Caroline closed the door behind them, Casey found herself shaking from the cold. “I’m sorry for bothering you.”

“You could never bother me,” Caroline said, her tone as soft as the hands she placed gently on Casey’s arm. “Sit down, dear.”

Casey shuffled toward the couch, she sank into the plush cushions, feeling small in the vast, elegant living room. The space was perfect, just like Caroline. Every detail, from the well-curated art to the perfectly arranged flowers on the mantel, it all showed Caroline’s refined taste. But tonight, it all felt like a reminder of how she didn’t belong here anymore. Without Alex, this world of grace and perfection seemed alien to her once more.

"I couldn’t stay at the apartment," Casey mumbled, her voice barely audible. "Everything... everything there reminds me of her."

Caroline nodded, sitting next to Casey, her face showing nothing but understanding. She had learned, in her grief, how to master that particular expression—the one that said, ‘I feel it too, but we must go on.’ But now, watching Casey, something felt wrong. Casey wasn’t just grieving; she was unraveling, bit by bit, and Caroline could see it in every hollowed-out shadow on her face, in the way her clothes hung loosely on her frame.

“Have you eaten?” Caroline asked gently, though she already knew the answer.

Casey shook her head. "I’m not very hungry anymore."

Caroline's lips pressed into a thin line, not wanting to push her, but unwilling to let her slip further away. "You should eat something. Just a little."

Casey barely responded, her gaze fixed somewhere far beyond the room. The emptiness in her eyes made Caroline worry. She looked so much smaller than she remembered—Alex had always told her how strong Casey was, how she could take on the world if she wanted to. But now? Now, she looked fragile, as if a strong wind could blow her away.

“You look exhausted, my dear. Why don’t you close your eyes for a little while, while I make dinner?” Caroline’s voice was soft, her hand stroking Casey’s hair slowly.

“I... I can’t sleep. Every time I close my eyes, I see her,”

“You need to try, your body needs it so just close your eyes and i'll stay here with you

Caroline watched as Casey’s eyes fluttered shut, her breathing evening out into soft, broken sighs. She looked so fragile, so heartbreakingly lost. Caroline’s own grief was constantly threatening to swallow her whole. But having Casey here, taking care of her,maybe it could give her something to hold on to, some piece of Alex still in her life.

Caroline reached for a nearby blanket and draped it gently over Casey’s thin form satisfyed when she saw her daughter in laws features relax. She could see how much weight Casey had lost, the dark circles under her eyes noticeable against her pale skin. Caroline felt her heart twist with worry. This girl, this beautiful, broken woman who had loved her daughter so fiercely, was fading before her eyes. And Caroline couldn’t let that happen. Not when Casey was a part of Alex.

She disappeared into the kitchen, her slippered feet barely making a sound. The act of preparing food, something warm, comforting was automatic. Tomato soup, the kind Alex had loved, the kind Caroline had made for years. As the broth simmered, the scent of garlic and thyme filled the house. It was strange, how the simple act of cooking could still feel grounding in the midst of everything, giving her back a sense of a routine she hadnt had since her daughter died.

Casey didn’t know how long she had been asleep, but when she woke, the room was dark and quiet. Caroline was seated nearby with a cup of tea in her hands reading a book with the soft glow of a lamp. The house smelled good and her stomach rumbled craving whatever Caroline had cooked.

Alex was still gone.

But Caroline… Caroline was still here.

“I’m sorry, I didn't mean to fall asleep” Casey mumbled, attempting to sit up, but Caroline was next to her in a moment and stopped her with a gentle hand on her shoulder.

“There’s nothing to apologize for,” Caroline said softly. “You needed the rest.”

She gave her a small smile and disappeared quickly into the kitchen bringing back a tray with soup and a grilled cheese. “You’ll have to forgive me dear, much like Alex. I'm not very good in the kitchen” Caroline said softly, setting the tray on the coffee table. "I know it feels like you can’t but you need to try. Just a few bites, sweetheart. Please.”

Casey’s eyes flicked to the bowl, the steam rising from the soup, but she didn’t move. “I can’t. It feels like I can’t swallow it down. She’s gone, and I...”

Caroline’s chest tightened. She sat down beside Casey, her voice steady but full of compassion. "She wouldn’t want you to starve yourself, to stop taking care of yourself. You know how stubborn Alex could be. She would hate to see you like this, Casey."

“I know.” Casey’s voice cracked, her body curling in on itself as though the weight of her sorrow was too much to bear. "I know she would, but I don’t know how to be without her. I don’t know how to keep going.”

Caroline reached out, gently brushing a tear from Casey’s cheek. “You don’t have to know how. You just have to take it one moment at a time.”

“Sometimes I feel like I’m going crazy,” Casey admitted after a long pause. “Like I’ll never feel anything but this… numbness. Like I’m forgetting her already. Isn’t that horrible?”

Caroline looked at her with soft eyes, her own grief rippling through the room. “No, it’s not horrible. It’s part of the pain, darling. But you’re not forgetting her. She’s with you in everything you do. Grief… it doesn’t mean forgetting. It means learning to live with the love you still carry.”

Casey closed her eyes, tears spilling over her lashes as she leaned into Caroline’s shoulder, her body shaking with the sobs she had tried so hard to hold back. "I don’t know if I can do this."

“You can,” Caroline whispered, her hand cradling the back of Casey’s head. “I promise you, you can. And I’m here with you.”

"How... how do you keep it together so well?" Casey’s voice was barely more than a whisper, shaky and fragile. She didn't meet Caroline's gaze, instead staring into her bowl as though it held some hidden answer.

Caroline sighed softly, she took a deep breath, her hands resting in her lap, fingers trembling slightly. “I don't, dear.”

Casey looked up, her brow furrowing in confusion. She had always admired Caroline’s composure, the way she seemed to navigate grief with such grace, even when Casey herself was crumbling. “What do you mean? I came to check on you and you’re here comforting me.”

Caroline’s smile was faint, bittersweet, and her eyes shimmered with unshed tears. “I lost my husband years ago. That taught me how to grieve, I know what it feels like and yet it doesn’t make it any easier. I never thought I’d lose my daughter too.” Her voice broke on the last word, and she closed her eyes, as if trying to hold herself together. “I’m not strong, Casey. I struggle every day. I’m in pain every day. It’s hard to keep going because it isn’t fair that she’s gone.”

Tears welled up in Casey’s eyes, her heart pounding painfully in her chest as she watched Caroline, someone who had always seemed so poised, now breaking in front of her. She saw the lines of grief etched deeper into Caroline’s face, the quiet way her shoulders shook as she tried to keep her tears at bay.

“I thought losing Alexander was the hardest thing I’d ever go through,” Caroline continued, her voice tight, “but losing Alex... there are days I don’t know how I’m still standing.”

Casey reached out hesitantly, placing her hand on top of Caroline’s. The older woman squeezed back, her grip surprisingly firm, holding tightly to Casey.

“I’m sorry,” Casey whispered, guilt weighing heavily on her chest. “I shouldn’t have—”

“Don’t,” Caroline interrupted softly, shaking her head. “You’re allowed to ask. And you’re allowed to feel like this.”

For a moment, the only sound in the room was the soft ticking of a clock on the wall. Caroline wiped at her tears, sniffing softly before her lips curled into a small smile.

“You know,” she started, her voice lighter now, “Alex was always so serious as a child. Proper, even. She had her nose in a book more than anything else. While other children played outside, she was inside reading, arranging her dollhouse or playing chess with her father. She was always in her own little world, so smart and stubborn.” Caroline chuckled softly, her eyes distant, lost in memories of her daughter.

Casey managed a small smile, a flash of warmth blooming in her chest. “That sounds like her.”

Caroline nodded, her gaze softening as she continued. “I knew early on that she wouldn’t end up with a boy. One day, she came home from school when she was about six years old and declared with such authority, ‘Boys are useless, Mama. They’re horrible.’” Caroline laughed, and for the first time in what felt like an eternity, so did Casey.

It was a broken, quiet laugh, but it was real. The sound filled the room, easing some of the tension in the air.

Caroline smiled warmly, her eyes crinkling at the corners. “From that day, I had a feeling. I didn’t say anything, of course, but I always knew my daughter would end up with someone special. Someone who could match her, challenge her.” Her gaze softened as she looked at Casey. “And she found you.”

Caroline chuckled softly, her fingers brushing the stray hair from Casey’s face. “She always had such high expectations for herself. And when she met you, she told me she’d found the one”

Casey’s breath hitched in her throat, fresh tears burning her eyes. “She told you that?”

“She did,” Caroline whispered. “She loved you more than anything in this world, Casey.”

Caroline smiled faintly, wiping away a tear that had escaped down Casey’s cheek. “And you loved her more than anyone else ever could. And that makes you family.”

Casey swallowed hard, her throat tight with emotion.“Thank you,” she whispered, the words barely audible. She wiped at her face quickly, trying to regain control, but it was impossible. “I miss her so much, Caroline,” she said, her voice cracking.

Caroline pulled her into a tight embrace, holding her as she sobbed. “I know, dear. I know. But we have each other. We’ll get through this together.”

The weight of those words settled between them, giving Casey something solid to cling to in the storm that had become her life.

For the first time in months, in this house full of memories, Casey let herself rest.

---

In the weeks that followed, Casey’s visits became more frequent. At first, they were always at night, always after she had spent hours drowning in work or staring at the walls of her empty apartment. But soon, it became routine, Caroline would make tea, Casey would sit quietly at the table, and they would talk. Not always about Alex, but about the small things. The weather. Books. Anything to fill the space between them.

Caroline watched Casey closely during these visits, noting the slight improvements, a little more color in her cheeks, a little less tension in her shoulders, but also the lingering sadness in her eyes. Casey’s grief was still a raw wound, but at least here, in this house, she wasn’t alone.

And in taking care of Casey, Caroline found a sense of purpose again, something to ground her in the face of her own unbearable loss.

---

When Caroline began to get sick, Casey noticed before anyone else. It was in the way her steps slowed, how her voice seemed quieter, weaker. But it wasn’t until Caroline collapsed one evening that Casey’s world shattered again.

Caroline was gone by winter.

Casey stood at the grave, her eyes hollow as she stared at the fresh dirt that covered Caroline’s casket. The air was cold, biting at her cheeks, but she didn’t feel it. Not really. She felt numb again, any progress she had made crumbling beneath her feet now that the woman that had loved her like a mother was gone. As if each loss had taken a piece of her, until there was almost nothing left. First Alex, and now Caroline—the one person who had understood, who had kept her grounded when everything else had fallen apart.

The flowers in her hand trembled as she knelt down, placing them gently on the grave, and then placing the others in front of Alex’s. She wanted to say something, anything, but no words came. How do you thank someone for giving you the only semblance of a family you had left, for helping you grieve their daughter when you couldn’t even grieve for yourself?

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, her voice barely audible in the wind. “I should have done more. I should have—”

Her breath hitched, and she stood up quickly, wiping the tears from her eyes. She couldn’t stay any longer.

She got a small comfort in knowing that at least Caroline would be with Alex now. But of course that wasn’t true

The day Alex came back was the best and worst day of Casey’s life.

She had grieved, convinced Alex was gone forever. Months of sleepless nights, empty days, and trying to piece together a life shattered by loss with the help of Caroline. And then suddenly Alex was back, standing in the doorway, alive but looking so broken, like she had been just as lost as Casey. All the anger, confusion, and hurt hit at once. Casey didn't know if she wanted to hold her or scream at her. But the devastation in Alex's eyes, the weight she carried—it made the anger fade, at least for the moment. So she clung to her, almost tackling her in a hug that was interrupted by sobs and tears and kisses that brought back a piece of Casey that she was sure was gone forever.

Days later, they stood together at Caroline’s grave. As much as Alex wanted to go visit her mother she couldn’t bring herself to do it at first, couldn’t face the reality that her mom was gone for good and Casey understood, so she gave her time as they figured out where they stood.

The wind blew through the cemetery, cold and sharp, stinging their skin. Spring was a few weeks away so the cold air was just another reminder of how cruel time had been for both of them. How much time they had lost. Alex stood still, staring at the grave, her face tight, like she was holding herself together by a thread. Casey watched her, unsure if she should reach out or let Alex face this moment alone.

“When they told me she was gone,” Alex finally said, her voice low and rough, “I… I didn’t believe it. I couldn’t wrap my head around it. I kept thinking they had to be wrong, that somehow… it wasn’t real.” She clenched the flowers so tightly, petals broke off, floating down to the dirt.

Casey didn’t say anything, watching the tension build in Alex’s face.

“I was out there in the middle of nowhere, stuck, and all I could think was… she’s gone. My mom is dead, and I wasn’t there. I couldn’t even bury her. What kind of daughter does that?” Alex’s voice broke, and she turned her head, eyes filling with tears she fought to keep in.

“You didn’t have a choice,” Casey said softly. “They didn’t give you a choice, Alex.”

“But I should’ve listened to you!” Alex’s voice cracked, finally letting out what she’d been holding in for so long. “I should’ve listened. You told me not to push it, not to—” She shook her head, words tripping over each other. “And now I’m here, and she’s not. And you—you had to deal with all of this alone because I was too fucking stubborn.”

Casey’s chest tightened, seeing Alex unravel like this. She tried to step closer, but Alex pulled away, pacing in front of the grave like she couldn’t bear to stand still.

“I left you alone. I left her alone.” Alex wiped her face roughly with the back of her hand, her breath coming quicker. “And now… she’s dead. My mom is dead.”

Casey felt her heart shatter again, hearing the raw pain in Alex’s voice, and she reached for her. “Alex—”

“She’s gone. She���s gone, and I—” Alex’s knees gave out, and she crumbled before the grave, clutching the flowers she still held, her shoulders shaking with each sob. “I wasn’t here. I couldn’t even say goodbye.”

Tears streamed down Alex’s face as sob after sob tore through her, shaking her whole body. Casey dropped beside her, pulling her into her arms as Alex’s grief poured out, a flood of months of guilt, pain, and loss.

“She’s gone,” Alex gasped between sobs. “She’s gone, Casey. I’ll never get to see her again. I’ll never hear her voice, never—” She couldn’t finish. The words turned into another flood of choked sobs, her body trembling in Casey’s arms. “I want my mom” she sobbed out letting her head fall against Casey's chest.

Casey pressed her lips to the top of Alex’s head, rocking her gently. “I know. I know, baby. I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry.”

For what felt like hours, Alex cried until her voice was hoarse, her tears soaking Casey’s coat. When the sobs finally slowed, Alex leaned back against Casey, utterly drained, her eyes red and swollen. She looked lost, like a little girl who had just lost her entire world.

Casey stroked her hair, whispering softly. “She wasn’t alone. She helped me, and I helped her. We got through it together.”

Alex closed her eyes, her breath still shaky. “I should’ve been the one here with her.”

Casey didn’t know what to say, because she knew no words could make Alex’s guilt go away.

Alex sniffled, wiping her face with the back of her sleeve. “I don’t know how to forgive myself for not being there.”

Casey shifted so she could look into Alex’s eyes, her thumb brushing away the tears still clinging to her cheeks. “ You survived. That’s what matters. That’s what she would’ve wanted and she wouldn’t have wanted to see you drowning in guilt”

“But she’s not here,” Alex whispered, her voice so small it almost broke Casey’s heart all over again.

Casey stared into those beautiful blue eyes and brought Alex in closer as they both knelt by the grave in silence, holding each other in the quiet hurt of their grief. The flowers they’d brought lay in front of the headstone, peonies and daisies.

Alex laid her head on Casey’s shoulder. She just sat there, staring at the grave as the last of her tears dried on her cheeks. Finally, with a heavy sigh, she whispered, “Thank you. For being here. For… everything.”

Casey pressed her forehead to Alex’s. “You don’t have to thank me, Alex. I’m with you, always.”

They got up, hand in hand, there was nothing left to say, but they stood there for a moment longer, letting the quiet surround them. Trying to wake up from the nightmare that had tainted their lives.

[kncrowder88]

Not me about to go to bed and getting an entire idea for Elliot and his whole private security stint that could fuel the Kathy disbelief on the "you really didn't talk for ten years" (but also like still think it should be like missed calls/missed letters/etc that could be mixed with this sort of idea too anyways) ...... what if he worked for a firm that was doing similar to what Alex Cabot is doing?

I mean ... she says it's bigger than what Olivia is seeing and we know the money for it has to be coming from more than just the victims. And there is obviously security given to the victims (we see the one guy driving as escort and whatnot).... it would honestly make a lot of sense for him to go into something like this after the shooting as well.

That case was hard on him, and being responsible for the death of a victims teen daughter? Yeah .... Elliot taking that sort of path (if I have to fudge the law to ensure the victim is safe so be it mindset) isn't unreasonable. Not unreasonable to land him in another country either.

And it's also very reasonable that he'd be off the grid at certain points to prevent being found while getting someone to safety (thus missing certain things).

Then, you also have the fact that Kathy would likely be aware of what his job entails and probably suspecting he would overlap at some point with SVU because they handle these types of cases. Even if they aren't in NYC she knows sometimes their cases reach outside the city and she'd just have that "you can't tell me your working a case and haven't used your old contacts" mindset

Honestly it makes a lot of sense in my mind right now and I may just run with it (and if say he help escape someone in Italy that happens to be connected to something you have a means by which the NYPD could seek him out for that task force as well a "hey, you've got an in, we could use you" )

Just thoughts out loud here

[neuroprincess]

Weekend in the Hamptons - Alex Cabot/Female Reader

Alex Cabot/Female Reader

Summary: A family weekend brings good surprises for Y/N, for Alex too. Or, Y/N finally meets Alexander Cabot.

Classification: Fluff

Warnings: Reference to past depression

Word count: +3700

Meeting the parents of your loved one is an important event, especially when you are in a queer relationship, which is exactly why Y/N feels nervous as her long-time girlfriend drives down the beautiful tree-lined road on a late Friday afternoon. The sun among the leaves hitting her pale face, reflecting off the dark glasses and leaving cheeks flushed. Growing up in New York, specifically in Manhattan, Alex never required or felt the need to get a driver's license, but recently the idea of taking the other woman to places or just strolling together beyond the city encouraged her. So she obtained one and is now driving for the first time beyond the block from their apartment.

"You seem nervous." she comments as she turns the steering wheel right "My dad isn't a seven-headed monster, I swear, he changed a little after mom died. Just a little… stiff… eccentric? He'll love you."

"I'm not so sure about that." Y/N whispers and tries not to stare at her, admiring the scenery around "Will Mr. Cabot like the mint liqueur?"

"It's his favorite, don't worry." they stare at each other and the blonde smiles "We're coming soon, take a deep breath and everything will be fine."

"Alex…"

"Sweetheart, the fact that I love you will already make him love you too."

In a few minutes the car parks in front of a two-story house, tall and cozy looking, there are large windows, white details framing the structure and a beautiful well kept garden, trees surrounding it. It's a pleasant, but intimidating sight. The Cabot family is wealthy by heritage and work, they are judges, lawyers, businessmen, deans and even art curators coming from a cradle with renown, raised for greatness. It was no surprise to Y/N when her girlfriend told her that they had a house at the address synonymous of money, but that Alexander Harrison Cabot himself invited and insisted on having Y/N, a simple paralegal, to spend a family weekend in Hamptons. This was a great surprise.

"You are amazing and kind…" Alex turns off the car and begins talking to her girlfriend, joining their hands together as they look at each other tenderly.

"Ah!" both shout in fright as a bang on the passenger side window disrupts the moment, Y/N turns around to find a gray haired, unshaven and blue eyed gentleman staring at her through the glass, hands above his forehead shielding him from the sun, wearing a blue striped polo shirt (similar to those bowling ones) and white shorts, full of pockets. Not the sight she expected, none of them to be honest. The younger nods and tries to smile "Honey, he doesn't look anything like you described." she manages to say between an awkward smile.

"Believe me, I am equally surprised as you are."

When they get out of the car they soon find themselves being hugged by him a triple hug, it's warm and friendly, he even messes up his daughter-in-law's hair nonchalantly. The ADA stares at the scene not understanding anything, her dad, even in the heat, would dress more formally like a light social t-shirt and not so flashy shorts, suddenly he has turned into her grandfather who spent afternoons fishing. And Alexander had never been so receptive with someone, even she had never been hugged like that before.

"I am Alexander, it's a pleasure to meet you, beautiful lady. And you, I bet, must be Y/N?!" he grabs her hand and brings to his lips in an unexpected courteous gesture "My daughter told me a lot about you. Welcome!"

"Thank you, Mr. Cabot! Very kind of you…"

"No no no no, just call me Alexander." he winks and turns to Alex "My girl, even at that age you still are the little girl I taught to sail. Y/N, did you know that? She couldn't drive, but she learned to sail at 9 years old. Which brings me the surprise of seeing her behind the wheel of a car."

The man bombarded them with questions and little facts, animatedly pouring out word for word right there in the parking lot. Excited to meet the woman who conquered and entered his daughter's closed heart, he had waited so long for this moment, knowing about her existence gave him a glimmer of hope after all that had happened in the past few years. The death of his beloved Madeleine months after their only child was supposedly murdered, then her return was the breath of fresh air that brought him back to life and brought him out of the depression he had been sinking into for over a year. When Alex, who usually doesn't make first contact, called and said there was something important to say he didn't care that the person she loved was a woman, that she wasn't of the same social status and even less that she was younger. It's his daughter's person and that's what matters to him, that this person makes her happy, feel loved and appreciated.

"Come, come in." Alexander signs with hands for them to come in through the front door "I've prepared a dinner, I hope you like chicken." he says to the girl as she walks through the door, followed by her girlfriend "Your grandmother's recipe." and cheerfully completes for her "I'll get the suitcases."

"No need, daddy. I got it." the two begin to argue at the front door about who will get the suitcases in the trunk of the car, so Y/N realizes that stubbornness runs in the family, after three long minutes of debating they come to the conclusion that they each bring a suitcase "I'll get the one belonging to my woman." she says grabbing the bigger suitcase.

"Of course!" he closes the compartment and smiles surprised to hear his daughter call her partner like that, she, who always was closed off, would never refer to someone in that way unless she really loved her "She's lovely and kind, you two are great together."

"Yes, she is."

The three are gathered around the round dining table, the glass door behind them open bringing a draft of cold air and the beautiful view of the garden with a large pool. The sun is setting a little later than usual, taking a while to get dark. The glass bowls are in the center, it's a vast menu of salads, meat and some desserts, the man has made everything to be sure it pleases the girl.

"I have a lasagna in the oven if you prefer." he says cutting a piece of chicken breast and placing it on her empty plate "But first try this one, it's my mom's recipe, Mary Cabot. Alex's middle name came from her, so we named her Alexandra Marie."

"It's a classic name."

"Of course, that's why my wife loved it, I wanted to named her Leigh or Claire, but my favorite choice was Margot. You know, women boss, when we thought we would have a boy wanted to call him Alexander II, but then a nice surprise came and Madeleine wished to keep it for her." he puts his hand on the daughter's shoulder fondly remembering her birth and the little battle to choose a name for her, eventually honoring him and her grandmother at the same time "She was the longest baby in the maternity room that day, the chubbiest too."

"Daddy, don't embarrass me like that." she puts a hand to face and blushes, trying not to face her girlfriend laughing at the conversation "And when did you learn to cook? Where is Helen?" the absence of the family housekeeper who always accompanies them is strange.

"She retired, end of last year. Just like me, that's why I learned to cook, I wanted to do new things. I learned to cook, I learned to skate, bought new clothes, even read the Harry Potter books. And I'm learning carpentry, look near the pool."

Alex narrows her eyes and Y/N lifts the neck curiously, trying to find whatever it was where he points with a finger, there is a small pile of cut dark wood, tools and what looks like add-ons for the thing.

"What is that?" the blonde asks confused and sips the wine, having no idea what it could be.

"A playground!" he announces happily and as if it was obvious to guess.

"WHAT?" she almost screams spitting the wine on the white tablecloth unintentionally "Why? There have been no children in our family for years."

"My future grandchildren." now it's Y/N's turn to spit out the wine "Apparently you aren't planning that yet…. Or are you?" they stare at him in disbelief "I mean, you already have 40, my daughter. I'm not pressuring you, it's just… the last few days I've caught myself imagining some kids running around the garden. Spending weekends as a family, maybe me teaching them to sail too, I just…"

"It's okay, Mr- Alexander!" the younger smiles trying to reassure him "Well, Alex and I haven't planned anything concrete about, but don't worry. It looks like a great creation."

"I'm improving my skills, but Edward and Patrick from the club will come and help me finish."

"My children are not going to play on a playground set up by those two, they always have their shoes switched every time I see them." Alex argues.

"It's their cataracts, but they are great at carpentry, even made a bird box."

"What if they nail their own hands? Or leave a nail loose and my children end up getting hurt?"

The third person in the room just stared at them while they started another debate, so she understood from whom Alex inherited many characteristics and qualities she possesses, which make her an outstanding lawyer. Both are good with words, stubborn and know how to contest like no one else, even a completely hypothetical situation that would be her children and his grandchildren. Y/N was amused as she finished eating the meal, trying a little of each thing until she realized she had eaten too much.

"Okay, I'll hire a professional carpenter to help me…" the man begins to dictate what was agreed between them.

"And you have to set it up away from the pool, maybe near that tree."

"Perfect! Which gives me the idea of a swing and maybe a tree house, with a slide." he adds.

"Too high for a slide, actually too high for a tree house."

"I can build lower." then the two reach a middle ground and smile, shaking hands to close agreement "Always good to deal with you Cabot."

"I say the same, Cabot." the blonde turns to continue eating only to realize how entertained she has become in this hypothetical debate that her girlfriend is already eating the dessert "It happened again. Oops."

"You mean this is common?" the younger asks confused.

"Yes!" they answer in unison "Since I was a kid, dad was my first worthy opponent."

"That's cute." she comments without thinking, eyes full of sweetness staring at both father and daughter, admiring the relationship.

"You didn't think we are… weird?" Alex asks incredulously.

"Or eccentric?" he looks even more incredulous.

"Or nerdy?"

"Nothing like that, just cute." she shrugs and takes another spoonful of ice cream.

The evening was quiet, no more debates beyond the playground for hypothetical children. After dinner Alexander led them to a guest room on the second floor, Alex's old room from her childhood travels and now completely renovated, looking larger than she remembered. It had been decorated in white, birch and shades of light blue. It's decorated with marine items like ships in glass bottles, seashells, sculptures of sea animals and paintings of beach landscapes. Hanging above the bed had been placed a framed picture of a hand painting of the Cabot family sailboat, named Arabella. The ADA pretended not to be surprised or delighted by what he had done, but once her father closed the door wishing them a good night she ran to the bookcase to get the seashells, recognizing them as those she had collected during the course of her life, which she had picked up on trips with her parents. It was one of the few moments when she could be just Alex or Lexie, as her mom affectionately called her, walking down the sandy lane hand in hand with both of them, looking for little colorful things together, this is how she became a collector of seashells, at least until age 15 when the memories of a more tender childhood gave way to thick books and piles of certificates. Alexander kept them all, even when she said he could throw them away. When she realized she was being watched coughed falsely and left the decorations in place, turning to girlfriend, kissing her affectionately.

"I told you he would love you."

Saturday is sunny, the heat hits the clear room and reaches Alex's naked back, the burning bothering the sensitive skin making her fully awake. The woman grumbles and extends her arm across the other side of the bed, only to find the sheets bare and smooth. She uses her elbows to sit up in bed and searches Y/N around the room, but there is no sign of her presence, the house is also silent. When she looks at the alarm clock on the bedside she is startled by the time, never on a normal day would she allow herself to wake up 1pm, she hasn't slept this late or this much in years. The night before she went to bed right after dinner, exhausted from working all day at the courthouse advancing paperwork and still driven, a short trip that knocked her out. The ADA gets up quickly, rushing to shower and get dressed for the day, opting for an unprinted white t-shirt, jeans and a comfortable slipper.

"Hey, where were you two?" Alex asks as she sees her dad and girlfriend walking through the garden door, she seems to laugh at something the man said.

"Your dad took me to lunch, we didn't want to wake you up. You looked so tired." Y/N approaches and deposits a kiss on the blonde's temple "Good morning, honey!"

"Good morning, sweetheart!" she murmurs and is about to kiss her on the lips as they do every morning when she remembers being in her dad's presence, then pulls away and blushes.

"You can kiss your woman, Alex." Alexander laughs and leaves some bags on the table "We brought you something to eat, we also got you your favorite ice cream."

"What time did you wake up?"

"Early, had coffee and went shopping, ended up at that restaurant you love." he reports cheerfully "Your girlfriend is great company."

"You are two traitors." she laughs and pulls Y/N to herself, making her sit on the lap "What are the plans for today?"

"We can go to the beach, maybe have dinner somewhere or go to Ed's house, the guys called you for a poker night."

"No way."

"Alex, please…" Y/N pouted and made puppy dog eyes, knowing the woman couldn't resist that.

"Okay." she rolls her eyes reluctantly accepting.

 "How about that one?" the younger asks running along the shore of the beach, picking up something colorful partially covered by the sand "It's orange."

"It's beautiful." the blonde smiles and takes the shell in her hand, admiring the coloring "You officially got your first seashell."

They exchange a quick kiss and continue walking around with their hands together, Alex holding a small children's bucket where what they find are being placed. There are a few shells, but the bottom is filled with different colorful stones they found along the way, the ADA carefully places the new addition on top. Alexander walks in front of them, admiring the scenery.

"I confess I never imagined you were someone who likes the sea." Y/N comments opening a silly smile, managing to materialize the image "Always surprising me."

"I think I got so caught up in my role in the troubled and stressful city life for so long that I almost forgot that part about myself. I'm sorry."

"For what?

"I don't know, maybe for not telling you." they stop walking and stare at each other for a millisecond, she embarrassed, Y/N confused.

"Alex, there's no reason for you to apologize, plus I love finding out new things about you." the younger smiles and takes her girlfriend's hand to lips, kissing the palm of the hand while looking at her lovingly "And each thing I find out makes me fall in love with you even more."

Before Alex could answer the man calls them over, pointing to a pair of shells brought in by the water, a white with blue larger and a slightly smaller yellow one. He picks them up off the ground and lifts the shells to show them.

"It's you two!" Alexander says running up to them "The big one is Alex, the color is reminiscent of your eyes. And you, Y/N, are the yellow one. Your aura has that color." he puts the shells in the bucket and runs back to where he was, looking for more shells.

"I used to think so, but now I'm pretty sure, my dad hit the head and changed his personality." Alex whispers and faces him, she had never seen him this way before "Like in those movies you make me watch."

"And that you like. Let's go, before we lose him on the beach."

They found some more shells and went home to take a bath after enjoying their day at the beach. The Cabots were the first to get ready, while Y/N finishes getting ready in their room. Then Alex sees her father neat and tidy again, he is wearing a social blouse and decent shoes, his hair is perfectly styled, beard trimmed, just like she always saw him before.

"I wanted to give you something, I never thought I would pass it on, but here it is…" Alexander pulls out of his pants pocket a small dark green velvet box "This is the ring my father used to propose to my mother, your grandparents. And when I saw how you and Y/N look at each other I knew instantly that it must belong to you."

"Daddy… I…"

"And I may have seen your research history on the laptop unintentionally when I borrowed it." he confesses and steps closer, handing the box into his hands "I would love to have her in the family."

"Thank you, daddy."

"Ah, here she is!" he announces turning his daughter around so that the younger can't see what's in her hands "Look, dear, your girlfriend looks beautiful…"

"Yes…" Alex is awestruck when Y/N comes out of the room dressed in party clothes, it's delicate, the outfit fits her body perfectly, each cut, measurement and the color, her favorite, highlights her as if she were glowing "Sweetheart, you look amazing!" she says approaching.

"I know, your dad bought it for me, in fact he insisted on paying for it."

"I couldn't leave the store without buying, her eyes sparkled seeing the window display." he says excitedly "I already made reservations at that seaside restaurant."

"I forgot to use perfume…" Y/N remembers and rushes back to the room, also to do some touch ups, that place is extravagantly chic, like the places her girlfriend takes her on special dates. She doesn't want to look out of place.

"It's for in half an hour, two places."

"I thought you were going with us." Alex frowns and faces him "You arranged the whole thing, didn't you?"

"Maybe so, I hope you two enjoy the evening. If you want we'll still have poker night afterwards, otherwise the house is all yours, the pool too. I have my plans too." Alexander winks and nods to the girl leaving the room, adjusting her outfit "You look perfect, beautiful lady."

"Thank you, Alexander." her cheeks turn rosy.

"Excuse me, girls. Edward broke the poker table, so I'm going over to help him fix it until the game, enjoy the restaurant for me." he grabs his jacket from the armchair and quickly puts it on without giving time for a reaction "See you later, dear. Take good care of Y/N. And Y/N, take good care of my girl. Oh, I'm bringing the mint liquor for the night, I love the treat."

"Right!" they reply in unison and look at each other as the man hurries out the door.

"I have to say…" Alex begins to speak, letting out the breath she barely realized she was holding, and places a hand on her girlfriend's waist "You look incredibly stunning today, you are beautiful every day, but today you shine. I am so lucky to have you as my woman." then kisses her gently, hands running up to reach her face and caresses with fingertips "And I can't wait to get these clothes off of you."

"And I your clothes, you look fucking sexy."

"Dirty mouth!"

"You love my mouth."

"You're right…"

They smile and walk to the door holding hands, fingers intertwined, Alex's thumb caressing the soft skin. The blonde stares at her girlfriend, the hair, clothes, the body she loves every part and small details, the gentle face with a smile that makes her melt, but nothing makes her weaker than the Y/E/C eyes that always make her body quiver passionately. Every single thing about Y/N delights her, her personality, dedication, how sweet and understanding she can be but also a beast to protect her, how they can be very different in some ways to the point of complementing each other, just as they share many characteristics and passions. She sighs after closing the passenger door, watching the younger settle into her seat through the glass and puts her hand in the coat pocket, feeling the soft little box against the fingertips. She moves the object and smiles. When she got in the car the day before the idea was still being seeded, but one day spent together away from everything was enough for ADA to know that she is the right woman and maybe her dad's, suddenly invasive, little push gave her the courage she needed. A simple family weekend in the Hamptons suddenly turns into plans to make Y/N a Cabot putting the family ring on her finger. Y/N Cabot. Alexandra Cabot's future wife.