#Aleksander just put it into words and gave her the power to actually make that choice

[kasagia]

❄️️Warm my heart pt. 8 (end)❄️️

Pairing: Aleksander Morozova/ The Darkling x fem! heartrender! reader Summary: Winter Fiesta at Christmas? Great idea. After all, there is no better opportunity to end the drama that has been going on between you and the general than at a huge ball thrown by Lantsov. Word Count: 3,6k Taglist:@aoi-targaryen @budugu @flostvs1508 @chelseyyouraverageluigi ~•♤♤♤•~ Aleksander Morozova’s Masterlist ~•♤♤♤•~ ~•♤♤♤•~ Part 7 ~•♤♤♤•~

You liked Christmas, but the winter fete that preceded it was a terrible event.

Especially since this year you weren't leaving to visit your brother right away, and in the next few hours you were going to find out whether the man you gave your heart to was really an immortal, power-hungry monster who would stop at nothing to achieve his goal.

In hindsight, you would probably prefer to endure the snark and rudeness of your grandparents and your siblings.

You took a shaky breath as you walked out of the Little Palace. At the exit, you met Fedyor and Ivan, who reconciled after Ivan promised to meet his family. The bastard knew it would be impossible this year, so he agreed, but as long as Fedyor is happy about it, then you are too.

Fedor's worse half separates from you as they reach the great hall of the king's palace.

You and Fedyor blend in with the crowd of other Grisha. You manage to grab a glass of champagne and sip it while watching the people around you. You unconsciously look at Alina, which Fedyor immediately notices.

"Are you waiting for the big show?" he asks, referring to the little show of power Alina and Aleksander were about to do.

Luckily, you missed out on being a circus monkey at the party this year (you suspect Aleksander didn't want to anger you more), so all you had to do was try to get through the last few hours as pain-free as possible.

"I can't wait." you say sarcastically, grabbing something sweet from the snack table. Out of the corner of your eye, you notice your friend smirking. "What is it? What did you do?"

"I? Nothing at all," he lies, leaning on the table and grabbing something to eat.

"I know you too well for you to lie to me. I've seen this conspiratorial smile more than once. What's going on?" you ask, looking at him carefully and expectantly.

Before you can push him further to speak, Genya joins you, saving the man from your further investigation. She shows you some Inferni tricks. When you look away, they both exchange knowing glances, and Fedyor silently thanks her for saving him.

"You look pretty." Genya comments, turning to you as the three of you eat the sweets. Take advantage of the opportunity while you can. In the Little Palace, you rarely ate anything other than those nasty herrings. "I like your earrings. Moonstone, right?"

"David made them for me. Initially, they were supposed to be… something else, but he had enough material to make me earrings as well."

"Yes, he is very talented. And what was most of it he spent on making?" she asks curiously as you three walk to a more distant part of the room where there are much fewer people.

"A ring."

"A ring? I don't see any on your finger."

"It wasn't supposed to be for me. Christmas gift." you explain vaguely.

The ring was supposed to be for Aleksander... no proposal or anything else. He recently lost his ring, so you asked David to make him a new one, practically the same as his old one but with a piece of moonstone inside.

"Oh, I see. You know, David told me that the moonstone has… a very special meaning," she says teasingly.

"Really? And how often do the two of you talk like that?" you ask just as teasingly, and she blushes too.

You both laugh, and only now do you notice that Fedyor has also disappeared somewhere, leaving you and Genya alone.

"May I ask who that special gift is?"

"I... I haven't decided yet." you tell her what is actually true.

This evening was to decide everything. That evening, Aleksander was to put his plan into action. If he really decided to use Alina in his plans... you had a backup plan ready. Which you hoped you wouldn't have to use.

You notice Aleksander as soon as he enters the room.

And you are speechless at the sight of him.

At the sight of his black kefta embroidered with red threads.

He gives you a short, meaningful look and goes to greet the royal family. You turn immediately towards Genya with a questioning look, and she simply shrugs.

"He wanted a matching kefta." she explains, but she frowns at your growing excitement. "But I want you to be careful. He's… a powerful man. Even if you tamed him a little."

You are going to deny her words, defend him, and say that he is not as bad as everyone makes him out to be, but you are speechless for the second time when soon after Alina enters the room in a black kefta with gold embroidery.

You shake your head, laughing bitterly.

"Apparently not." you say, staring at Alin with envy. The bitter bile of jealousy and hurt wells up inside you as you try to focus on your anger rather than the tears welling up in your eyes.

Genya stares at her as surprised as you, searching for someone in the crowd.

"I don't understand… after all…"

"Don't worry, I understand." you say firmly and coldly, making the redhead shiver. You ignore her, staring at Alina as she approaches Aleksander from behind, surprising him when she smiles sweetly at him. "And I'm not going to be part of this fucking threesome."

You leave Genya alone before she can say anything. You don't stay for the Alina and General show. You just walk out, pushing your way through the crowd and finding the back exit where the fewest guards are patrolling. All you wanted was to disappear into the shadows.

Aleksander looked for you frantically after Alina approached him. But he doesn't see you anywhere. You left Genya alone, and he wasn't able to spot you in the crowd.

He did his little show with the Sun Summoner and left her with her friends. He moved quickly towards the exit, catching Genya's gaze. The woman immediately followed him. They both left the room and went into the corridor, where Fedyor was already waiting for them.

"What happened there?" he asks them furiously. "Who gave her that damn kefta? That wasn't the plan."

"Um… David saw Baghra leaving the Grand Palace."

Aleksander frowns in anger at Fedyor's words. He clenches his fists and takes a few breaths to calm himself down. His mother always had to destroy everything that was good. He should've predicted it.

"And where is she now?" he asks through gritted teeth.

"Baghra?" Fedyor asks hesitantly as Genya gently moves towards him.

"Y/N!!" they both tremble when they hear him shouting. Shadows circle him, giving him an even more ominous look. He sighs when he sees the fear in their eyes, and with a wave of his hand, everything returns to normal. “I meant Y/N.” he says more calmly, slightly embarrassed by his sudden outburst.

"We do not know. David followed her, but she vanished from his sight."

"Vanished?" Fedyor nods. Aleksander immediately thinks of his mother. Only she and he knew the exact location of the hidden corridors in the Grand and Little Palace. She had to take you. Convince you finally that he is a monster. "I want our men at every exit gate around the castle, at every exit and entrance, and at the sewers that lead from here. As soon as you see her, you are to capture her and alert the rest."

"Baghra or Y/N?"

"Both!" he says angrily, walking towards the exit of the palace. "And you two are to guard the Sun Summoner. I don't want her to disappear too."

He doesn't go far before Ivan catches up with him with the news that there was an attack on Alina. He freezes in his steps. It cannot be split.

He can either look for you or protect the Sun Summoner.

And the choice is simple for him.

You kept your hand pressed tightly to your mouth to keep from making any sound as you walked down the hall of the Grand Palace. Tears flowed freely from your eyes, somehow making their way through your hand and into your mouth so you could taste the saltiness of your defeat.

He chose Alina. Actually, both of you, but what difference did it make? You made it clear to him that you wouldn't be just another pushover in his life, just another face among many others. You wanted everything or nothing. Nothing half-hearted, no half-truths, and no being THE OTHER WOMEN.

As you walk and cry, you don't notice something suddenly moving in the shadows, and listening to the heartbeat of someone who might be hiding in a secret passageway in the hall is the last thing on your mind right now.

That's how someone grabs you tightly by the arm in an aching hug and drags you along with them to the hidden exit of the castle. You struggle and freeze, both shocked and irritated, as you see who caught you.

"Baghra? What the hell do you want?" you ask irritably, not wanting her to see you like this. You pull your hand from her grip and wipe the remaining tears from your face.

"I'm helping you, child. Do you think Aleksander won't send people after you who will lead you back to him like some pet?"

"I don't need your help." you growl, backing away from her in anger.

"You think so? So c'mon. Go, run away by yourself. I am sure he will find you. Maybe he will even put a collar on you too. You, Alina and Aleksander will have so much fun together."

You stand still, listening to her words like poison. You shake your head and turn to face her, watching her smirk with spite.

"You know what? I'm not surprised that he... that he thinks what he's doing is right. If he told me even a little bit of the truth about himself, then I know how you treated him. How you shaped him. So don't be surprised that your son became what he became when all you showed him was how to take advantage of other people and how to not care about anyone but his own goals and needs. Maybe if you hadn't run away from all those who are supposedly not worthy of your attention and hadn't taught him the same things, he would have turned out completely differently. Maybe if you saw him as something more than a creator of the fold, a Black Heretic, everything would be different. And don't worry. I can handle everything perfectly on my own."

You leave her in the secret corridor and don't look back as you return to the main halls of the Grand Palace.

Aleksander was furious. No one saw you, no one could find you. He ran out of the Little Palace and headed straight for the stables. You had to sneak out somehow. He hoped that maybe he would ride his horse around the area and find you.

He doesn't wait for the horseboy. He approaches his horse and saddles it quickly and expertly. He has his foot in the stirrup when he hears movement near the entrance.

"Are you going somewhere?" you ask, leaning against the entrance with your arms crossed.

He freezes, blinking a few times, making sure you're not some sort of vision, ghost, or other creature tormenting him. When he realises you're standing there in your body, he jumps off his horse and runs towards you. He hugs you to his chest and buries his nose in your hair. He lets out a shaky breath, inhaling your scent.

"Saints, where have you been?" he asks, not letting you move away from him. He needs to feel you close.

"On the way. Far from here. I turned back when I heard that there was an attack on Alina. Did anything happen to anyone?" you ask worriedly, moving away from him. He doesn't let you go far, just enough to look at him.

"I… I don't know." he admits, embarrassed, and you frown, looking at him in disbelief.

"How don't you know?"

"I left. I left Ivan, Fedyor, and Zoya in charge. I… I had to find you."

His confession makes your heart melt, and you bite your lips, holding back the sudden urge to kiss him. Your brain gets back on track as you start to think again about how your friends and other Grisha handle another attack on Sun Summoner.

"We have to come back to them." you tell him as you somehow manage to get out of his grasp and turn towards the exit.

"Wait... please." he says this and quickly overtakes you, blocking your only escape route. You stare into his dark eyes for a moment before shifting your gaze to his horse, which is watching the two of you closely. He doesn't let you take your eyes off him for long. He gently grabs your chin and forces you to meet his pleading gaze. "Talk to me."

"About what? We have nothing to talk about." you say, glaring at him defiantly.

Common sense screams at you to run away from him. He wasn't just the red flag; he was the whole red carpet. But how can you leave him when those dark eyes look at you so pleadingly, when he clings to you like to the anchor, like to the only thing that holds him sane?

"If that were true, you'd be on your way, far away. I know you could get through all those people I put on guard, even me. If we didn't have anything to talk about, I… I wouldn't be looking for you like a mad man, leaving the Little Palace in such a situation without my supervision. You know that."

"Why are you wearing a kefta with red embroidery? Why did Alina replace her blue one with a black one? You can't have a cake and eat it at the same time, Aleksander. I want... I want to be the only one for you... as you are the only one for me, even though this shouldn't happen. Even though I know what you did, but... I can't help seeing you as... as someone more than my general or the Darkling. I... please, just don't prove me I am that naive to love you."

You lift your head to look at him just as he leans down to capture your lips with his.

You stand there in shock for a moment, but you respond to his kiss with equal parts fervour, passion, and need. He wraps one hand around your waist, and the other gently cups your cheek, tilting your head to a different side to give him better access to your mouth. You moan into the kiss, grabbing the lapels of his kefta and pulling him even closer to you.

The thought occurs to you that he looks good in red.

His cold fingertips tease the hot skin of your neck as he begins to undo the buttons on your kefta. A shiver runs through you as you break away from him, realising that you two still have a few more things to explain before you can finally let yourself lose yourself in him.

"Wait, wait." he listens to you and immediately pulls away from you, his eyebrows furrowing in concern. He licks his lips and is about to ask you a question when you interrupt him. "Nothing happened. You didn't do anything wrong; I just need to know. What about Alina? And the fold?"

"She means nothing to me. She is nothing compared to you. She is just a means to an end, and I… might have changed my plans a little bit."

"What do you mean?" you ask, crossing your arms. He sighs and looks at you for a long time before answering.

"I'm not known for making noble decisions. But know that everything I do—everything I wanted to do—I did for Grisha's sake. And I admit... these were not good for everyone. I wanted to seduce Alina. Make her trust me, make her rely only on me, and take advantage of her. But then I promoted you. I needed help with the papers—someone who wouldn't question my authority and for whom Grisha's well-being was as important as mine. And you ruined all my plans after the first day when you argued with me about sending our people through the fold. I... for the first time in hundreds of years, I had someone who wasn't afraid to say what she thought. Someone who respected my opinion even if she didn't agree with it. I felt that… that I didn't have to be this monster around you, that I didn't have to keep up my image. That I don't have to be a Darkling for you to respect me. And I know I'm far from being a good man, but with you... with you, I remember what I was like before all this happened, before this whole thing with the fold. What I was fighting for. What I believed in. I thought that that man died a long time ago, but with you, I am... I can be just my old self. The one I really missed. The only one of many of my... well, version of myself that I didn't play or create for survival purposes. I live with you. Not just keep fighting to survive for the better times. So please believe me that when I say I love you, I say it from the deepest truth, from the remnants of my heart that I still have after the centuries I have lived. The remnants that you picked up and brought back to life, my little almighty heartrender. You don't have to want me back. I don't suspect you will… just please don't leave. Don't leave me again alone in my darkness."

And what can you say? What can you do other than go up to him and kiss him like you've never kissed anyone else? You don't know who is more surprised—you, him, or that damned horse neighing in the background, ruining your perfect moment. But you don't care. You kiss your shadow summoner and try to convince him that, from now on, he will never be alone. At least as long as you breathe.

"I have something for you," you say later that night as you lie in his arms in his bed.

After your little make-out session, you returned to the Little Palace and took care of everything. Baghra was gone, Alina was safe (with Mal returning after Aleksander had abandoned his search for the deer), and everyone in the palace had somehow survived another attack.

"I don't need anything except for you to stop squirming so much," he murmurs into your neck, tightening his grip on you as you try to reach for your kefta, which is discarded on the floor next to the bed.

"Aleksander!” you squeal, laughing when he touches the sensitive spot on your waist, making you tickle. "Don't you dare." you say, seeing his malicious look. "I'm serious. Tickle me, and I'll fly out the door, not caring who sees me naked."

"I'll remember that." he huffs, offended, and buries his face in your neck. His beard tickles your skin, and even more tickles your sensitive skin, where he left a few hickeys on it.

You somehow manage to reach into your kefta and take out a canvas pouch. You place it on Alexander's chest, smiling excitedly as he pulls away from you gently and takes the item, examining it in his hands.

"What is it?"

"Your Christmas' gift. Open it."

He doesn't question your order. He pulls you towards him so that you're sitting between his legs and leaning against his chest. He hugs you, holding you close to him and resting his chin on your head as he opens his pouch and selects a ring. You feel him hold his breath, and his heart speeds up.

"Don't worry; I'm not proposing to you. I'm not crazy enough to do it so quickly. Besides, I'm quite a traditionalist when it comes to this. I'll wait for my ring. I just know you lost yours somewhere and… I thought it would be a nice gift."

"Is this a moonstone?" you nod at his question.

"Do you like it?"

He doesn't answer. He places a kiss on your head and hands you the ring. He sticks out his left hand, obviously wanting you to put it on his finger.

You do it with trembling hands. It looks good on his finger. And the possessive thought crosses your mind that he is truly yours now.

"I have nothing for you, milaya. You'll have to wait before I pick up your gift from David and Genya." you turn around in his arms with a smile.

"I already have my gift. You let me warm your heart. That's all I wanted." he gives you that charming smile and kisses you. You smile against his lips, feeling his arms around you again as he pins you to the mattress to shower you with kisses again, hickeys and all his attention, whispering against your skin with every kiss how much he loves you and needs you.

And in the morning, you find a beautiful black kefta with red embroidery and a ring that matches the one you gave him. And as you hear his heartbeat against yours, you decide it's the best Christmas you've ever had.

[darling-i-read-it]

Waited Part 2

Part 1

The Darkling (Aleksander) x reader

Word Count: 1.5k

Warnings: spoilers for shadow and bone books, insinuation to violence and smut

Author’s Note: actually the handing over of the black kefta is my favorite thing and if i can fit it in every aleksander fic I will trust me

Summary: You found Aleksander again and rekindle your romance.

Tagging: @padfootswife24 @aleksanderwh0r3 @ntlmundy

I don’t own these characters. They belong to author/director/creator

(not my gif)

Baghra was utterly amazed to find you still alive. She hadn’t thought about you in oh so long. She barely even remembered who you were. But yes, you looked quite the same. Same hair, same face. But your eyes. They were different. She recognized that look on your face and it was one she had seen her son wear, countless times before.

Aleksander looked like he was about to scream full of anger. Baghra wondered if he might create an even bigger fold somehow.

“I thought I told you to stay lost,” she said bitterly. You smiled a horrendous smile. It was evil. Evil and quite becoming. Baghra wasn’t scared of you, not really but for a moment she wondered what it is that you could do.

You reached forward and grabbed her arm. Fear struck her eyes for a moment as your hand lit up, making her arm sting. You backed away after a moment, leaving a scar on her hand. Aleksander put his arm on your back.

“A sun summoner,” Baghra muttered in horror. He could dispose of Alina now. He had the best person at his side. A person he loved, a person who loved him. Someone who already could harness their power. Whatever Baghra hoped for Alina Starkov could be completely lost because of your presence.

Suddenly she remembered; she had wronged you.

“That’s kinder than what I’m going to do,” he muttered. You tried to hide your surprise. You remembered how much he used to love his mother. Love maybe was the wrong word. But he respected her no less. But he was more powerful than her, that was for sure. He was still young, at least younger than her. “I’d rather you not watch,” he told you. He stared at her.

Aleksander couldn’t get over the situation. He was finally back with the only person he had ever truly loved and she was the very thing he needed. He tried to remember all those years ago. The pain and heartbreak he had undergone when you left. He had always wondered where you ran off to and why. Now he knew.

Baghra wasn’t happy about that.

“Where should I wait?” you questioned.

“Alina should be inside. Wait with her.” You nodded briefly and then turned around, following the path you had seen the young girl take. She was just inside the walls, teetering back and forth impatiently. When she heard the door open her eyes immediately shot up. You gave her a thin lipped smile.

“Who are you?” she asked, not being able to help herself.

“A friend of the Darklings,” you stated simply.

“A very close friend from the looks of it,” she muttered to herself. You smiled a bit at her gaul and decided not to comment on it. She looked around anxiously.

“What is he doing?”

“I don’t know,” you said honestly. Alina was silent for a moment before finally having to say what was on her mind.

“I thought..I was the only one,” she said. “But you’re a sun summoner too.” She couldn’t help but feel depleted. She could barely harness her power, you were clearly better at it. The only thing she had going for her was the rarity of the power. Now here you were.

“I thought I was too. I heard about you from the rumors and had to see for myself. He seems to believe in you.” She scoffed.

“He needs me, I think. He has to believe in me.”

At that time, you and Alina thought the same thing.

Now he doesn’t need Alina.

The door opened slowly. Aleksander brushed his hands off on his kefta and gestured to the two of you.

“Alina you may resume your regular studies. Y/N-”

“What happened to Baghra?” Alina asked. Aleksander looked at her for a moment, wondering if he should let his guise slip up a bit. He decided against it.

“I said, you may resume your studies,” he told her curtly. She let out a small annoyed sigh and nodded. She gave you a glance before quickly hurrying away, wondering what on Earth was going on. Finally, Aleksander turned back to you. “We need to get you a kefta.”

“What color? Blue, like hers? I hear that’s the Etherealki right? I don’t know much about the actual order of things,” you admitted.

“Not blue,” he said. “Black.” You raised an eyebrow.

“Like yours.”

“Yes. I’ll have it made out of the finest silk. It’s what you deserve. Come, let’s find you a place to stay.” You started to follow him but glanced back at the door.

“What did you do to her?” you asked.

“Let’s just say, she won’t have to see you any longer.”

====

You sat in Aleksander’s room by yourself. He had some things to attend to for the rest of the day and would come back to you that night, promising that he would figure this all out with you soon. You believed him.

You walked around carefully. Your fingers brushed his vanity. He had a stack of books there. You smiled and picked one up, flipping through it. You tried to imagine little Aleksander whom you had fallen in love with all those years ago. Barely able to afford the one book you had ruined.

His room was that of a king. You supposed that was kind of what he was now. You sat on his large bed and looked up at the ceiling in amazement. Oh how you loved him still. You hadn’t loved anyone else after all these years. Such a small part he had played in your very long life and he had such an impact.

On the side of the bed was a painting. It didn’t look like he had done it but you picked it up anyway. He had paid someone to paint the lake where you had first met. You smiled to yourself and touched your heart gently.

The door opened slowly. You looked up, putting the picture back down swiftly. Aleksader closed the door behind him.

“I hope you’re comfortable,” he said. You scoffed.

“You have a wonderful room, how could I not be?” He smiled cheekily and handed you the black kefta he had in his hands. You took it warily. “You got that rather quickly. How did you make an excuse for it?”

“I told them I wanted another with your exact measurements.”

“You know my measurements?” you teased.

“They assumed it was for Alina. No need to worry.” You slipped it on and looked at yourself in the mirror. You sure looked refined. You turned around.

“What do you think?”

He was silent for a moment. For a second you thought he was going to change his mind and take it back but before you could say anything he closed the gap between the two of you, kissing you harshly. You molded to his touch, remembering those lips all too well.

You barely took any time to spare as he moved you easily to his large bed. It was about time you finished what you started, all those years ago.

=====

Aleksander never wanted you to stop saying his name. Between breaths, moans, words. He wanted you to say it over and over again, to never tire of saying it. To say it like it was a promise or a premise or a plot point.

He lay beside you and couldn’t help but wonder what would have happened if his mother hadn’t taken you away from him. How he could have lived. You smiled warmly at him and for once, he smiled back.

“You will never be parted from me from this day on,” he muttered. “I swear it.”

“You sound so kingly Aleksander,” you whispered. You held his cheek in your hand. “But I agree. I will be here for you to catch from this day forward. We finally get to rule our place.” He nodded.

“I’ve been waiting for you.” His face lit up with ideas. “I’ve been building it for you.”

“For us.” He nodded. “That’s a conversion for tomorrow. Now, we should sleep,” you whispered. He nodded and wrapped his arms around you. He didn’t even know what time it was. He had to speak to Genya but it could wait till tomorrow. He engulfed you in his grasp and held you there, certain you would never leave his side again.

[padme-parker]

Mizpah // the darkling x reader // ch 4

summary: The Darkling and Alina talk. You get a tour of the Little Palace.

warnings: cussing, getting drunk, maybe some violence maybe not. not proof read either </3

AFTER showing you to your room, the Darkling hurried back to Alina. Inside, the sun summoner had been pacing relentlessly. What did he mean we weren’t together? The girl understood that the two had shared nothing more than a kiss. He didn’t owe her anything, so why did she feel like this? Hearing the door swing open made her stop in place.

“Forgive me, Alina.” He started. “But I made a mistake. I shouldn’t have kissed you that night.” Aleksander didn’t know what he was saying. He knew that he had to have the sun summoner by his side, and he didn’t know how to execute his plan if he didn’t have her. Truthfully, there had been some part of him that enjoyed indulging in her. He had convinced himself and Alina that it was them against the world, which he had believed. Until you showed up.

On the contrary, Alina was seething. She didn’t know whether to be angry with herself or the Darkling. “But you said-” She let the words die on the tip of her tongue, she couldn’t recall what he had said exactly. All she knew was that he made a promise that they would save the world, together. Had she interpreted his words and actions wrong, the girl didn’t know. She left Mal, she just let Mal walk out of her life for a man she had known for less than a year. A man who had promised her everything yet nothing. “Saints, I…”

“I really am sorry.” Alina knew something was off, the Darkling never apologized for his actions, deliberate or not. He had no problem taking up lovers in the past, so what had made him change his mind? He seemed so ready to give himself to her.

The sun summoner gave him a weak smile, “No, I understand.” She could feel the tender strings of her heart snapping. How could I let myself fall for someone like him so easily? She began to berate herself. She quickly excused herself, not wanting the Darkling to see the tears threatening to spill out of her eyes. As soon as she shut the door, she paused. Willing herself to calm in order to go to her room. On the other side of the door, the Darkling approached it yearnfully. He had risked everything for a whim.

With a sigh, the Darkling left the war room and headed to his sleeping quarters. He took a short bath before putting on his sleep attire. He found himself falling asleep to the thought that you would soon be in his arms.

-

THE DARKLING had been roused from his sleep, your screams echoing in the barren hall. Hurriedly, he threw open the doors of his room and gathered his oprichniki before entering your room. He ordered his guards to survey your room as he made his way to your trembling figure. He desperately wanted to reach out to you. To take you into his embrace and kiss your forehead until you stopped crying. But he couldn’t, not yet. It was still too soon. After no threat was found, he directed his guards to leave the two of you alone. He finds himself crouching down to you, his hand hovering over yours, asking for permission. He didn’t want to take advantage of you in such a vulnerable state like this.

With the nod of your head, he takes your hands into his, unconsciously rubbing his thumb along the soft skin of your palm. He does his best to subdue the emotion in his face as he sees the raw skin of your neck. His mouth seemed to dry, his throat feeling like the sands of West Ravka. With caution, he traces along the lines of your birthmark, noticing the shudder you had so deeply tried to suppress.

“I can call for Genya, if you’d like that.” You knew what he was insinuating. As humiliated as you were by it growing up, you wouldn’t get rid of it or try to hide it. Not anymore, not ever again.

“No.” You said sternly. The sunlight had completely changed the way your room looked. In turn you observed how the rays of light painted your room in a warm, welcoming tone. You had managed to finally calm yourself, his presence oddly enough brought you comfort. You should’ve been scared of General Kirigan, The Darkling, Starless Saint, or whatever it was he went by. He was a ruthless man who was willing to do anything he could to end the war. But was that not a good thing? You asked yourself. He would risk everything to end the war. Ravka needs someone like him. He certainly did far more for your country than the King ever did.

A realization came over you as you stared at him, a smile coming to your lips. “I think it’s time for that tour you promised me.” The Darkling lent his hand out to you, and you gladly took it. You dusted yourself off, pretending like nothing had happened. “Give me a second to get dressed.” Without waiting for his reply, you took the same undershirt and trousers from yesterday, and changed in the bathroom. Before leaving the room, you made sure to throw your raggedy soldier’s jacket over your shoulders.

The Darkling started with the obvious, his sleeping quarters and the war room. He had told you how the sleeping quarters connected to his war room wasn’t actually his bedroom. He found it too much of a hassle to move from the war room to all the way down the hall in order to sleep every night. The next room he showed you was his own, but he never granted you entrance.

“I don’t go in there often, it reminds me of..” His eyes briefly met yours, he cleared his throat and looked away. “..someone.” There was a flash of something, some emotion, that you couldn’t pinpoint. But if one thing was clear, whoever this person was really hurt him. You tried not to press on further as the curiosity got the best of you.

“I didn’t peg you as someone who would settle for a relationship.” You said as he started to lead you away from his room.

“I’m not.” He said solemnly. You could tell he wanted to say more. That there was something that wanted to escape his lips, but he didn’t allow those words to leave them. He took his time explaining the halls and rooms of the Little Palace.

“This is where the Corporalki practice, I don’t recommend going inside.” He stated. Their practice room had no windows, unlike the many other rooms within the Little Palace. You could only imagine the horrid smell in there. Perhaps they convinced a squaller to air it out once in a while.

The next room he took you to was where they all gathered to eat. He told you how Grisha were separated into their own tables. The Darkling had sat in the middle, while the Corporalki and Etherealki were seated to the right and left of him. However, it wasn’t often he made an appearance here. He usually ate in his war room.

After showing you the inside, he then took you outdoors towards the garden. He had managed to avoid large crowds inside, but due to nearly everyone training outdoors, there had been some people who stopped and stared as you walked past. The lake had begun to freeze, some Grisha ice skating on the shallow side where the ice froze first. The others had been practicing their magic. It had mainly been the Etherealki who practiced outdoors. Eventually everyone had to come outdoors though to train with Botkin.

“Perhaps I could train with him too?” You asked. Afterall, you were in the First Army. It would be a waste to sit in the palace and do nothing while you could be training and brushing up on your skills.

“If that’s what you want, sure. All Grisha are permitted from using their powers while training with Botkin. I can assure that you’ll be given a fair fight.”

“Oh, I won’t be the one needing a fair fight.” You mused, peering at your knuckles, remembering all the fights you had gotten into at Keramzin after Alina and Mal came. You’d come a long way from that damned orphanage.

“Well, I guess that concludes our tour of the Little Palace for now.” The two of you walked aimlessly, trying to make conversation. Out of the corner of your eye you spotted a small hut, encapsulated by the trees.

“What’s over there?” You asked. The Darkling looked in the direction you had pointed to before swiftly leading you away.

“That's where Grisha go to train one on one with a teacher.” He explained. “I have a meeting to get to, but I can walk you to Alina’s room if you’d like.” The Darkling had hoped you accepted his offer, and tried to hide his disappointment when you had told him you’d like to walk there on your own. As you left, the Darkling kept his gaze on you the whole time. And if only you had turned once, you would see the longing he had so desperately tried to keep back.

The walk back to Alina’s room had been uneventful since Grisha were off training, including Alina. As you return to her room, you traversed about. You were sure she wouldn’t mind you looking around. You and Alina had grown accustomed to sharing most things while growing up. Everything from food, toys, even to Mal. As you neared her desk, you noticed a red book that she failed to hide. The cover had a beautiful gold design and lettering on it, Istorii Sankt’ya, it displayed.

“The Lives of Saints.” You whispered as you flipped through the pages. You were confused as to why Alina had this, she was never one to believe in the Saints growing up. Surely there was no way she had converted to a believer in a matter of months. Then again, faith was a strong thing that could cause Kingdoms to rise and fall. You’d heard of the whispers, some calling her Sankta Alina. As you continued to flip through the pages, you abruptly stopped, one of the images catching your eyes.

Depicted was an image of Sankt Ilya in chains. Behind the Saint was a white serpent that splashed in the waters. At his feet was the stag you’d been tasked with tracking down. And in the background behind the Saint’s left shoulder was a bird. Your fingers traced over the antlers of the Stag, trying to recall why you’d been tasked with tracking it in the first place. You’d heard about all the myths. The Stag, the Sea Whip, and the Firebird. If the Stag had been more than a myth, more than a children’s story, then did that mean the Sea Whip and the Firebird were real too? If so, what could the Darkling possibly want with them.

The sound of approaching footsteps startled you, making you drop the book in your hands onto the desk. You quickly seated yourself on the chair in front of the mirror, trying to seem inconspicuous. Alina came in through the doors alone.

“Well, well, well, if it isn’t my sun summoner. How are you my friend?” You played off, which Alina squinted her eyes at.

“What do you want, y/n?” The question made you roll your eyes, letting out a huff as you got up from the chair.

“What, I can’t visit my friend while I’m staying as a guest here?” You noticed the furrow of her brows, reminding you of the conversation that you, the Darkling, and Alina had last night. “What happened to Mal? Why’d he leave?” You whispered, knowing she was still hurt from the events that took place.

“I.. He..” She began, the whimpering in her voice evident. “We got into an argument, he told me I had changed since I left. That the kefta and jewels made me different. He told me that he saw how the Darkling looked at me. One thing led to another, and then he just left.” She explained, a single tear falling from her eye.

“Did you?” You asked, “Did you like the way he looked at you?” You clarified. Your eyes never leaving hers as she stared at you.

“I thought I did. There was something that was luring me to him. I thought I wanted to be with the Darkling, and then something changed within him. Maybe I took his words the wrong way. But either way you're the only person I have left now. Mal is… gone. The Darkling probably only wants me here to get rid of the fold.” She sighed. You tugged her into her grasp, feeling her body let out small sobs.

“Mal will come back to us, he always does.” You assured while stroking her hair. “Now can we get something to eat, I’m starving.” She let out a laugh as she wiped away her tears. She walked towards a bell that had been sitting upon a tray. She rang it once, signaling a servant. Right after, a young servant had knocked on the door. Alina had promptly opened it and asked for a meal for two to be brought to her room. The servant obliged, bowing before leaving once more.

Soon after the servant had returned with a cart full of food. She served you several small plates of Zakuski, a pitcher of Kvas, along with some pickled herring on top of crackers. You grimaced at the selection placed in front of you.

“Well they’re certainly feeding you ...something.” You giggled. You gravitated towards the Zakuski as your other hand went to pour a glass of Kvas.

“The General orders we have a balanced diet, or something like that.” She replied. “Since when do you drink?”

“Ever since I got stationed at Caryeva.” You shuddered thinking about your time there. “It was my only escape. I remember that night, it was a quiet night, but it didn’t stop the Shu from attacking and capturing Grisha.” The words seemed to just slip from your mouth, it was the first time Alina had heard about what your time was like down in Caryeva. “I tried to fight back, to help the Second Army. Hell, I even suggested that they take me with them. But they spared me because I wasn’t Grisha. Of course I didn’t come out unscathed.” You said, referring to the scars she’d seen yesterday. “And ever since then, I’ve been drinking because why the fuck not.” You raise your glass in a toast before downing it in one go. You reached for the pitcher again as Alina began to talk about her experience here.

“It wasn’t easy at first. It still isn’t. Some of them still don’t believe I’m a sun summoner, that I’m doing some kind of illusion. But surely the Darkling would’ve killed me if I wasn’t what I claimed he was.”

“Can I see it?” You interrupted, while you only got a glimpse of her at the fete, you had yet to see her powers one to one. In an instant, the room is filled with a bright light. You set down the Kvas in order to shield your eyes. A smile came onto your lips, “I can’t believe it, my best friend is the sun summoner.”

“Whenever you return to the First Army, you can’t mention that you know me. Someone will use that against us and try to get us both killed.” She warned, “While we're on that topic, how long will you be staying?”

“Well, he did say I could stay for as long as I’d like; as long as you permitted it.” You said, taking another gulp of your Kvas. You could feel it begin to take its effect, a slight warmth blooming throughout your body while your cheeks were tinted with a light blush. Time seemed to pass quickly as the two of you continued to catch each other up on what the other had missed. Soon enough the moonlight had taken over, leaving you with nothing but candles and lanterns to light up the room. And Alina of course.

“Alright, I think it’s time I head back.” You announced, getting up from your chair seemed to be a difficult task made obvious by the wobble in your knees.

“Maybe you should stay here for tonight.” She tried to convince you.

“I think I’m fine, Alina. Besides who would miss out on being able to sleep across the hall from that hunk of a man.” You snickered as Alina stuck her tongue at you. “What, I know a hot man when I see one.” You admitted.

“Yeah well, good luck trying to get into his pants.” She countered, a smirk on her face. She walked you to her door before giving you a quick hug and wishing you goodnight. As soon as she closed the door, you were alone again. Even in a hall filled with people, you had never felt more alone, more out of place. At least with the First Army you were surrounded by fellow soldiers, while here you were surrounded by Grisha who didn’t know you even existed.

The journey back to your room consisted of you constantly hugging the wall for stability. You thought you hadn’t drunk that much but the effect of the Kvas had just started hitting you more harshly. You’d probably woken up a Grisha or two with your annoying giggling while you mumbled to yourself. Before you know it, someone is walking up to you, their arm supporting your waist as they rest your arm atop their shoulders.

“Oh, hello Mr. General, sir.” You tried to salute him, but failed miserably. You could see the corners of his mouth slightly turn up as he tried to fight it.

“I assume you had a good time?” He questioned as he made his way back to your room.

“Yes, it would’ve been better if you were there.” You suggested, wagging your eyebrows. Sooner than you’d like, you arrived at your door. The Darkling gently laid you onto the bed as he went to take off your shoes, leaving them at the foot of your bed. He lit the lantern that had been placed on the side table. Before he could leave, you grabbed his hand.

“Thank you for walking me back. Goodnight..” You didn’t know what came over you, but the words left your lips before you could even think to stop, “..my darkling.”

If you had stayed awake for a few more seconds, you would’ve seen the genuine smile that came to his face. His fingers stroking your hair, tucking some behind your ear.

“Goodnight, my darling.”

-

A/N: sorry this took so long lol. I was quite busy over the weekend. I usually post every other day. But my question is if y'all like shorter, more frequent updates, or longer updates. Obviously the longer updates wouldn’t be posted every other day. Most likely once a week though. However I enjoy writing and posting every other day because it keeps me motivated. 

Mizpah tag: @all-art-is-quite-useless @devilxangel @musicconversedance @parabatai-winchester @runawayolives @tartiflvtte @rbg1933 @thatguppienamedbae @batgal96 @thebarisinhell99 @5hundreddaysofsummer @kaqua @queenseneschal @benbarnes-supremacy @princessofpersia96 @takethee @dontjinx-it @freakytillthemoon @amortentiaaaa @marvel-ousnesss @coolninjavoid @areomalfoy @pansysgirlfriend @universalirwin @leavejuliaalone @xx-winwin-wednesday-xx @honeyofthegods @lunamyangel @d-list-goddess @comphersjost@telepathdestiel @the-celestial-kitsune @thestoryofmylife9 @s-corpionem @pancakeisreading @sanna2020 @secretsandtinyshadows @savannah-elliott @maliasblue @tea-effect @disneyandharrypotter @futuristicpinklemur @tanyaherondale @the-puff-is-strong-with-this-one @hxgreeves @yourboiialucard @thereeallink @ladyblablabla @wolfieellsworld @p3nny4urth0ught5 @louweasleymalfoy @the-natureofme @itsloveroflife @oddlittleminx @within-thehollowcrown @itsfangirlmendes @heyyimlaynna @jgtfvhsg @gloriousmoneyrascalbiscuit @auggie2000 @itsnotquimey @jtownraindancer @sonnensplitter​ @sarcastic-and-cool​ @poulterfilms​ @spookybooisa​ @stickyknightflowerbailiff​ @hollandsweetie​

S.a.B. forever tag: @deceivedeer

[hqamore]

boreal star ✵ chapter two

kirigan wouldn’t be himself if he didn’t care for appearance and reputation. he supposed he would have to tiptoe around you until you showed your cards. until then, he’d have you play new recruit.

series genre: romance & angst

series pairing: [past?] general kirigan (the darkling/aleksander) x reader

word count: 1.7k

warning: slight suggestive theme (mentioned in passing)

note: wow. i’m absolutely astonished with the enthusiasm the first chapter had. thank you guys so much! i have two exams next week so i’m not entirely sure if i’ll be able to update. i will try my best :)

here’s the masterlist

“here’s your room.” aleksander gestured to a room that was vaguely familiar.

brows furrowed, you turned to him. “your room is next to this one.”

his eyes rounded in mock innocence. “really? i hadn’t noticed.”

your nose crinkled in distaste as you glimpsed down the hall. “what of my old bedroom?”

“someone else is staying in there,” his arms folded across his chest. “alina starkov, the sun summoner.”

“oh? it’s to be expected, i suppose,” you bobbed your head, stepping to explore the room. “why create another staged cage when you already have one ready?”

“what?”

you observed the flowers by the bedside and plucked one out to tuck it behind your ear. “you like to give your prized cattle the very best so they may feel important, no? it makes it so much easier to subdue them.”

“what? prized cattle? alina’s not— you were never—”

while he wrestled for a response, you continued to inspect the room before happening upon a locked door. “where does this door lead to?”

“my room,” aleksander cleared his throat, recovering from your accusations.

you froze, your hands twitching, before you tore away from the door. “your room?”

“my bedroom, specifically,” he clarified. in that moment, he looked like the cat that ate the canary.

“why would anyone want to have a room connected to yours?”

looking into a mirror, aleksander fixed his appearance. “well, i assume these rooms were designed with my future lover in mind,” he replied.

bitterness rang throughout your body as you barked out a laugh. “your lover? to think you wouldn’t jump at the chance to house your precious sun summoner here. what? was there a snag in your plan to seduce her? a boyfriend back home?”

at his silent admission, your jaw dropped. then, genuine laughter erupted from you, causing you to lean on the bedpost. your knees nearly gave in until you saw his glare. you took deep breaths and tried to stifle your amusement behind your hand.

“i’m sorry. it’s rude to laugh,” you surrendered. while your giggles subdued, he remained silent. aleksander’s reflection was eerily still, his eyes far away from reality. when you stepped towards him, he broke from his stupor and made for the door.

“rest up. you have a full day ahead of you tomorrow.” he began closing the door when he paused just before it shut. “goodnight, [y/n].”

well, that was odd.

✵✵✵

with the sun high in the sky, aleksander walked with you to the training grounds.

“do all new recruits get escorted by you or is this arrangement special?” you walked beside him with your hands linked in front of you. you sported your new deep blue kefta with white detailing.

“i can’t risk you disrupting alina’s training with your spitefulness. whatever i may or may not be planning for her, she’s still ravka’s only hope of banishing the fold,” he said. “my accompanying you is a precaution as well as your formal introduction to the second army.”

as you approached your destination, you spotted multiple grisha huddled in a ring. two of them were fighting in the middle.

“you teach them physical combat now?”

“you’d be surprised how often we lose grisha to drüskelle because they’ve tied their hands. they cannot always rely on their powers,” he droned.

off to the side, you spotted a burly man. “you have a shu training them?”

aleksander looked down at you, “he used to be a mercenary. i think you’ll find him adequate.”

“i think you’ll find i’m already above your training,” you whispered as everyone turned their attention to you or, rather, aleksander.

the shu made his way over and bowed, “general kirigan, i had no idea you would be joining us today.”

you see a girl peek her head out from the corner of your eye, her face lighting up at the darkling’s entrance.

alina starkov. i see she already holds some sort of affection for him.

the general raised his hand, “please, botkin. i am only here to introduce everyone to our newest member, [y/n]. they’re a gravity summoner.”

at the sound of your name, you reverted your attention to the crowd and gave a small smile. placing a hand on the small of your back, aleksander guided you to the center. 

“actually, i was hoping you could evaluate their combat skills.”

you whipped your head around, staring at him incredulously. he didn’t change his diplomatic smile when he met your eyes.

“that is no problem, general.” botkin faced you and gestured to the crowd. “please, choose your opponent.”

your eyes scanned the crowd before you smirked inwardly. “if it’s no trouble to the general, i would like to fight him,” you requested. “i’ve only ever heard how powerful general kirigan is and, well, if he is the standard…”

the grisha around you looked at you as if you were insane. you peeked through your lashes at aleksander whose eye was ever so slightly twitching. before botkin could voice his disapproval, aleksander shrugged his kefta off.

“why not? i can’t remember the last time someone challenged me so bravely.”

you grinned as you threw off your own kefta. out of the corner of your eye, you saw the sun summoner pushing her way into the circle with a dazzled look. botkin warily lifted his hand. “no using your powers. only your fists and wits.”

you nodded and took an offensive position. botkin threw his hand down, “fight!”

you dropped down, doing a low spinning kick, and swept aleksander off his feet. he landed on his back with shock evident on his face. you then pressed your knee onto his diaphragm and gripped his sleeve. grinning, you gave him a cheeky smile.

“i don’t think i’ve ever had you on your back,” you said in a hushed voice.

with annoyance written on his face, he grabbed the lapel of your shirt and pulled you off him. he trapped your arms by your sides as he straddled you.

“because you always liked it when i was in control,” he smirked as you rolled your eyes. you thrusted your left hip up, effectively throwing him off balance and freeing you. you both scrambled to stand. aleksander crept closer to you and threw a punch. before his fist made contact, you blocked it and gripped his arm. you threw him over your shoulder and stepped on his shoulder joint. he groaned under the pressure when you leaned down.

“it’s a good thing i came to my senses then,” you said. “yield.”

he narrowed his eyes before you shifted your weight onto your foot. with the discomfort and pain rising, he quickly tapped your calf. you moved off him and offered a hand. he begrudgingly took it, allowing you to pull him up. the grisha stared with open mouths. you sheepishly smiled and hurriedly put your hands behind your back.

“i apologize, general kirigan. it seems i didn’t know my own strength,” you said in deceiving shyness.

he smiled tensely and slipped his kefta back on. “no, i am glad you are so advanced. it makes it all the more assuring that you are with us for the war effort.”

you bowed your head and brushed the dirt off your kefta, shrugging it back on. without another word, he left, alina following in his wake.

botkin clapped his hand on your shoulder. “you are an impressive fighter. where did you learn?”

“shu han. i lived there until hearing about the sun summoner.”

the man looked surprised before nodding. “your fighting style did appear familiar.” after that, he left you to be greeted by the others.

they were mostly friendly, some talking nonstop about how you defeated general kirigan. you just brushed it off as him going easy on a new recruit. you noticed another girl, a squaller judging by her kefta, glaring at you before stalking off.

“don’t worry about her,” a voice said. you turned to see none other than alina starkov herself. “apparently, she hates anyone that’s a threat to her spot as general kirigan’s favorite.”

“she must be delusional because there was nothing about that interaction that hinted at favoritism,” you snorted as you held a hand out. “[y/n].”

“i heard. i’m alina starkov.” she shook your hand with a bright smile. “it’s nice not to be the only new person.”

you returned her smile, “it all does feel rather isolating, doesn’t it?”

she laughed and nodded. “my friend, mal, and i never really liked grisha. they acted like they were the elite.”

ah, is mal the boyfriend?

“if i’m honest, i don’t like them either. i actually ran from ravka when i found out i was grisha,” you said honestly. “i guess i couldn’t run far enough.”

her eyebrows lifted, “oh? where did you run?”

“shu han. a nice place once the villagers get to know you.”

she tilted her head with confusion etching her face. “don’t they, you know, kill grisha?”

you scrunched your nose, “not as much on the outskirts. but, it gave me more reasons to hide my powers.”

“does that mean you’ll have to take lessons with baghra too?”

your shoulders tensed at the mention of the older grisha. you put on a grimacing smile, “i suppose so.”

oh, baghra’s going to kill me when she sees me.

with knowing eyes, alina grabbed your hands. “don’t worry. she’s a bit mean, but she does help you control your powers. 100% success rate, i hear.”

you nodded, patting alina’s hands, before withdrawing yours to your sides.

“alina!” two girls called. they waved their hands to usher her over.

alina looked at you apologetically. “sorry, i’ve got to go. lessons with baghra, actually.”

you sent her off with a wave. “it’s fine. it’s not like we won’t see each other again.”

she grinned, “right. i’d really like to be your friend, [y/n].”

you couldn’t help but soften at her words. “we already are, alina.”

her grin grew wider before she departed with her other friends, leaving you with your thoughts.

so full of life, that one. no wonder aleksander’s drawn to her. the brighter the light, the darker the shadows. let’s just hope he doesn’t snuff her out.

taglist: @kykymyeon @shelivesindaydreamswme @blackbirddaredevil23 @amortentiaaaa @safetyhtom @savannah-elliott​

continue to chapter three? yes

[metvmorqhoses]

I really wish to know, since you are all so good at judging LB and her writing, what possible other ending would have been better than the one she provided? All very good with words. I bet it's so that easy when you are called to actually deliver...

since those are not my novels i find this exercise quite meaningless, and this quite an over the top way to address people who are merely stating personal critical opinions about the art they consume. i also find quite tasteless to think in such ways about authors and their creations, even while defending them.

yet, even though to achieve the level of writing and complexity i personally would call adequate and enjoyable i would have to just take the idea and completely re-do it from scratch (because yes, those books are terribly written and characterized and that's merely a fact, not an insult), let’s just indulge you for irony’s sake, since actually saving that mess of a saga wasn't in my opinion that hard after all. should i mention the first thing off the top of my head?

bardugo should have made aleksander the third amplifier.

there's literally no reason whatsoever, if not her obsession for the good, not-the-asshole, "healthy" relationship-material guy, to have mal being it. alina spent her entire childhood with him and repressing her power exactly because of him (he who would have never accepted her for who she really was, from whom she didn't want to be separated, etc). two children growing up together, am i to believe they never touched? not even playing? we know they held hands. and alina, a child, was actually able to suppress that immense surge of power? and for her entire childhood? while the darkling's mere presence made her go shine on you crazy diamond? seriously, people.

the great twist of the saga is forced, clearly not intended from the start and literally makes no thematic sense nor provides any full circle kind of closure.

simply letting aleksander, who actually already was said to be a most powerful amplifier and morozova’s heir nonetheless, be the actual human "mythological" creature whose sacrifice would have saved the world, would have gave bardugo endless potential in literally every single direction.

she would have had a meaningful excuse to kill off her most hated villain in a way that actually mattered and made sense (much more than having mal magically coming back to life or the tear in reality nonsense), a way that could have also maybe involved that strange kind of redemption arc she is now seeking for aleksander in both her last book and the upcoming one (the darkling holding together a cut in reality saving the world and now about to be put out of his misery my zoya and co). she could have made him fulfill his hundreds of years long purpose of actually saving ravka and seeing the grisha safe, symbolically helping alina with his sacrifice to create many other sun summoners (it would have been cool to have those sun summoners also be darklings, with both the power of shadow and light used for goodness, just to say one thing). and he didn’t even have to suddenly turn “good” to actually do any of this.

bardugo could have left that feeling of certainty, that call alina felt from the start from him, unexplained until the end, instead of calling the darkling an amplifier right away, keeping it all for the great final plot twist, thing that would have provided many excuses of characters exploration and complexity, in both them as individuals and in their relationship. this also could have provided a symbolic dichotomy between the darkling (the power inside alina that is constantly calling and that she fights so strenuously to suppress) and mal (the thing that reminds her she’s human, the very symbol of her humanity). it could have meant for alina to learn to both accept and fear those two fundamental parts of herself that are constantly fighting each other in her soul, but that at the end of the day have equal importance and shouldn’t be renounced in lieu of the other (how i hate bardugo’s moral “the power is bad, to be good you have to renounce who you are entirely and for the sake of a boy who also hates that part of who you are”).

this could have also symbolized the real integration of the grisha in the actual ravkian society, since alina, once understood being grisha and being a human being weren’t mutually exclusive, could have actually preached for this way of thinking and accepting the other, fulfilling both her and aleksander’s dream of peace and prosperity for their people - and all the people.

actually, the possibilities were endless. with such little effort, everything would have had at least a meaningful reason and not that incosequential mess bardugo provided us with.

there anon. not so impossible after all, don’t you think?

[cheekygreenty]

Little Witch - Part 14

The Darkling x Reader

You felt fine after dinner, the food quickly replenishing your dwindled physique, but you didn't go back to work. You took Aleksander's advice and took the rest of the day to rest and take your mind off the countless tasks you had. There was one thing you needed to do though and that was thank Zoya for today.

She didn't have to do any of it, in fact, you believed she hated you from the minute you interrupted Aleksander's meeting. You were told by a servant she was out training Inferni's and so you made your way down to the Etherialki training grounds. She stood there, the image of a goddess. Her dark hair fell down her blue kefta in defined curls, collecting small snowflakes.

There was no indication she'd been involved in a deadly attack a mere 4 hours ago. Saints, I think I have a crush on Zoya. Nevertheless, you walked over to her, calling out her name to grab her attention.

'Deputy, how are you feeling?' She looked worried yet relieved to see you standing in front of her on both of your legs.

'Y/N will do Zoya.'

'Alright then'

'Thank you for today. I don't know what came over me.'

'We all have our moments. Some of us just hide them better' You couldn't tell whether that was a dig at you or not.

'You're an amazing soldier Zoya. I'm very impressed'

'Well I didn't just sleep my way to the top if that's what you're implying.' She turned her addicting gaze away from you, studying the young Infernis.

'I beg your pardon?' You were taken aback.

'How's your leg?' She tried to change the topic but you weren't ready to.

'What do you mean Zoya, spit it out.'

'You know what I mean Y/N.' Why was she avoiding the conversation if she brought it up in the first place?

'Are you and Gener-' Is this another thing he had lied to me about? You vaguely remember thinking the two had been involved when you seen them in the same room but it passed quickly, surely he would have told you, especially if it was with one of his most trusted Grisha? The thought was another painful blow to your gut. They just kept on coming. You couldn't finish your sentence for she already answered it.

'No.'

'Zoya'

'Not anymore... Alina is here now' The strong feisty woman was gone now, in her place was a hurt and rejected woman. You were old enough to see it, you had been her before, hell you were her now. You looked at her striking beauty, thought about her incredible skills, and then stupidly compared yourself to her. If he rejected her, you're next. Your silence must have comforted her more than words could, for she shrugged her shoulders and said

'He keeps saying she's his equal, the day to his night' His equal. That's what Alina said.

'You don't need anyone Zoya. I can promise you you'll amount to great things on your own.' Despite the hurt you felt, you focused on her.

'Well as of right now I'm stuck to skiff trips and when you request me' You eyed her inquisitively 'Our dear General's doings.' she admitted.

'What gave you such an honor' you teased.

'I got into a riff with the precious Sun-Summoner after she vexed me.' She shut her eyes tightly as if trying to forget the memory.

'She doesn't strike me as the vexing type-' Your conversation was quickly interrupted when an Inferni accidentally set alight more than just the mannequin and Zoya scrambled to put it out, scolding the boy in the process.

'I'll leave you to it then'

You walked away, hurt and on the verge of tears. You needed to speak to Aleksander, you were sick of him lying to you but you were even more tired of feeling that severe urge to cry every time you thought about him. You came here to do your job and to show everyone you had your powers under control, yet all you've done so far is the opposite. Saints be damned you would walk away from your position because of a complicated relationship, you were better than that. But you also recognized that if you confronted Aleksander about all of this, he would either have to tell you about his plans for Alina or lie again, and you knew he would lie. It was a vicious cycle, one that wouldn't end. It was heartbreaking knowing that the man who claimed to never stop loving you could lie to you so easily.

You were right to question your trust in him, he never gave you a reason not to.

***

He was sitting at his desk, back turned towards you. You hesitated, the thought of running out the door and locking yourself in your room sounding pretty attractive. Maybe a good cry will fix this.

'Y/N I thought I told you to rest' He spoke calmly, his hand never dropping the pen. You shut the doors, not wanting the guards outside to hear what you were about to say. This made him turn around.

'We need to talk'

He dropped the pen and paper and stood up, indicating he was all ears. You glued your eyes to his knowing your vulnerability peeked through but you didn't care to hide it.

'What are your plans for me, Aleksander?'

He cocked his head to the side, confused. 'What?'

'Why keep me around when Alina is here?'

You were never the jealous kind, but you came to realize this wasn't jealousy. It was disappointment and aching after being away from him for almost a century. You had built up this life in your head, one where everything was perfect and Aleksander hadn't changed but you raised the bar too high. The bad parts of Aleksander faded away with each year and the best parts of him enhanced in your mind. You had forgotten what he was truly like, plus coming to terms with the fact that he lived a seemingly happy life while you were gone stung a bit too. With each day, the disappointment turned into hurt and anger.

'Y/N I already told you, I have a plan.'

'So you expect me to watch you and Alina fawn over each other while I stay in the shadows being a dutiful Second in Command? I may be loyal but I'm not going to blindly follow along Aleksander, not anymore.' It's making me miserable.

His hands reached out for you but you moved away. 'You know I love you Y/N' He said as if the foolish statement would make your worries and anger melt away.

'Then act like it'

'It's not that simple.'

'It never is, is it?' You bitterly laughed. What's the point of loving somebody if you're not willing to do everything to make them stop hurting?

'Why won't you tell me?' Your voice was a whisper he barely registered. 'Do you not trust me? Cause I'll admit it right now, I may love you, but I don't trust you Aleksander.'

Your admission hit him like a pile of bricks. He was brought back to when you first met, your shaking body radiating hostility as you rode in the carriage with him. He tried to assure you you were safe, you were one of his Grisha now, but you were having none of it. You didn't trust anybody for months after you arrived in the Little Palace, especially him and right now, it was all back to square one.

'Have I really given you that many reasons to not trust me?' It had been so long since he had somebody to care for and love that he forgot how to act around you. Perhaps he was back to square one too.

'Yes. Your sly comments about killing the King and finding the stag, your relationship with Alina, even with Zoya- Aleksander you're lying to me every day and you think I'll still be compliant. I'm not the same Y/N you remember.'

'You know what I want Y/N. You've always known'

'I do, but I need to know how you're going to do it all. How can I be supportive when I don't know what the hell is going on around me. A goodnight kiss every now and then won't fix this if you're doing the same to somebody else'

'Is this what this is? Your way of saying I'm fucking my Sun-Summoner on the side?'

'I never said that. All I wanted to know was why I'm not in on the plan that's supposed to give us more power. Is it because I'm a loose cannon, are you scared of what I'll do if I won't agree with you?'

You were sure of one thing; while you were gone nobody dared to disagree with the Darkling and he had grown to get used to it. Power corrupts, resistance humbles.

Somehow you still held your composure, albeit it was difficult. Aleksander however, was losing his temperate demeanor. He was pacing the lengths of the room and his hand had brushed through his hair countless times, the image of someone who was backed into a corner they couldn't get out of.

'I haven't told you because I don't want you to get burned. If it goes wrong it would be good to have some of us not hanged for treason would it not?' Bullshit. He must've forgotten you had the power of a heartrenderer. Aleksander was lying right through his teeth.

'You and I both know that's not true. If history is any indication then they'll turn on all Grisha.'

'And you'll be here to make sure they don't.' He tried to reason but you let out a loud laugh.

'Up until 2 weeks ago you didn't even consider giving me my old post back, do you really expect me to believe you changed your strategy in a matter of days?'

He stayed silent and settled against his desk. His crossed arms showed he was in no mood to discuss any further but you weren't done. He was going to tell you everything whether he liked it or not. You were sick of being kept in the dark. You had your title of Deputy back now, yet you still had no idea what truly went on and had no real sway against the top-ranking Grisha who no doubt were in on the plans. Power corrupts, resistance humbles, and you were done being humbled.

'Aleksander don't make me force it out of you' As soon as the words left your mouth you tried to find some part of you that regretted them but came up empty-handed.

His head whipped around with whiplash speed. You could see the internal battle going on behind his eyes of whether you would actually make do on your threat. You didn't know whether it was empty or whether you actually would do it but it was tempting.

'You said you changed, but I don't think you did' He retorted, eyeing you up and down with a look of displeasure. The situation was a shift from the usual, this time he was the one losing control and spiraling whereas you were the perfect example of a calm before the storm. The Little Witch he had grown to love and worship.

'I'm stronger, I can be stronger. I am limitless' You prided yourself on the restraint you'd shown thus far. You were in a palace full of Grisha, of Healers, a Tailor, a Sun-Summoner yet you didn't make any moves to take anything. The old Y/N wouldn't hesitate to take what wasn't hers. Maybe that's why you would burn out, lose as you gained. This time you knew how to do it properly, how to be an Elemental who yielded it all.

'Your quench for power is contending mine, Sweet Y/N.' For the second time in your life, you saw fear in Aleksander's eyes. He always had a feeling you yearned to have a stronger grasp of the Second-Army and for so long, even now, you tried to lie to yourself and deny it. But deep down some voices always whispered 'it's only right to have a leader who represents them all'.

'Wrong. I already have it, I just need to use it.' You raised your hands slowly, showing him you meant what you said. I'm really doing this. Your heart dropped when his raised too. He's willing to hurt me to protect his lies.

'There's no going back from this' You felt weirdly ready. Although you had never used your Grisha powers against Aleksander in a fight, you had a hefty slice of hope in you that you could overpower him. You had what he had and more.

'Y/N stop this.'

'Why? So that you'll lie to me again? Make me the other woman? It's inevitable that it comes to this' Your heart picked up in speed as your breathing became rapid. The influx of power at your fingertips itched to get out and make itself useful and containing it was painful.

Shadows pooled on the ground and around your feet yet you didn't know who they belonged to. Technically they're all his, I just know how to control them.

Panic shot through you as you felt a tendril of the black nothingness grasp around your wrist. No. You let yourself go, snapping the shackle and mirroring it on him. He had never experienced cruelty at the hands of his own power until now and was completely powerless as the black restraints rendered him useless. You concentrated on his pulse, soothing it to its normal rate then into a slow hum, relaxing his mind. This all felt so wrong yet so right.

'I'm feeling merciful today. When you feel up to it, tell me everything, or else I promise I won't hesitate Aleksander. We're the same in that manner.'

You watched as he gathered himself, anger rising onto his face. His moves were rigid and stiff despite your previous soothing.

'Time is ticking' Before he could say another word, you left the defeated Darkling, instilled with a sudden sense of pride.

______

Part 15

Here's my masterlist where you can find previous parts of this series!

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@theonelittleone @searching-for-gallifrey @0-artemis @lostysworld @xceafh @fire-in-her-veinz @patdsinner33 @cleverzonkwombatsludge @wizardwheezes @aleksanderwh0r3 @tomhollandisabae @hotleaf-juice @justmesadgirl @exo-1204 @houseofdupree @oberonpascal @eireduchess

[where-theres-smoak-2]

So I was doing a rewatch (yes another one, and yes I am obsessed) and I got to the collar scene, now usually I just skip over this scene because my poor girl Alina having to go through that is awful, not ok Aleksander. But this time I actually watched it again and I noticed something...interesting, I guess you could call it. See I always assumed that Alina didn’t know that having the collar put on her would take her powers because she seemed so horrified when Aleksander did take control of her powers after the collar was put on her. The other thing I always assumed that she didn’t know was that the amplifier would be fused into her collarbone. But when watching again I realised that actually she did know both these things before the collar was put on her. Which made me wonder why she seemed so surprised by it. I mean it could just be down to continuity errors in the writing I suppose but if its not, then what other reason could she have for reacting the way she did? 

In regards to the collar, like I said, I figured she didn’t know it was going to be fused to her because she says to M*l earlier in the episode that she would ‘wear’ the bones which implies its something more similar to what was in the books and its like a necklace. But then in episode 3 the apparat tells her that the amplifiers work by ‘melding a piece of it into their bodies’. This wording does very much describe how the collar was melded into her, so this is information she had. On top of that Ivan was standing right behind her and obviously she has spent a lot of time with him by this point and you can see his own amplifier, the bear claw, is fused into his hand. I mean I guess its possible that Alina just forgot that was how it worked, or my best guess is its a case of knowing that its going to be fused into her and actually experiencing it being fused into her are two very different things and so there was just no way for her to be prepared for it. I mean it was a rather large piece to be melded to her collarbone. 

Then there’s the whole knowing that it was going to transfer her powers. Again I totally missed this the first time around and thought she was so upset because she didn’t know he was going to take her powers from her. But rewatching the scene I realised he tells her that’s what he’s going to do. At the very start of the scene she asks why David is putting the collar on her when Aleksander was the one to kill the stag, that its his amplifier and he gets its power. Aleksander replies ‘you asked for this yourself, when we met. To transfer your gift to someone who could use it.’ What’s funny is I remember the line, I’ve even talked about it in my Darkling analysis post but for some reason never made the connection that this would mean she knew what the collar would do. But anyway, I actually think her reaction is less shock that he’s taken her powers and more something else. The part in this scene that was interesting to me is that Alina in the beginning (as she often is with Aleksander) is being very confrontational and her primary emotions seem to be hurt and anger at him for lying to her. As he approaches her she does show some wariness and kind of flinches away from him, but to me I didn’t read this as her flinching away in fear, more that she was putting her guard up against him because she knew he was about to try and manipulate her and because as angry as she is with him she still feels that draw to him and so she’s wary that he might be able to break down her walls and manipulate her again, she’s worried she’ll fall for it again. What is also interesting is Aleksander reaction to seeing her flinch from him. He kind of pauses for a moment and then lowers himself down to her level. He puts them on the same level and makes his speech about all the things they can accomplish together. You can see Alina struggling with herself throughout the whole conversation where she really wants all the things he is saying, she wants them to work together to end all wars, she wants to be at his side and to work together to make ravkans and grisha safe and she wants them to work together to destroy the fold. She wants to believe him. You can see the moment she sort of surrenders to that desire, right after he says they can do anything. In that moment she chooses to trust him and she takes his hands and stops her struggles. Now I just want to be clear here that I am in no way insinuating that she consented to have the collar put on her, I mean for one thing her hands were in shackles and M*l was being held captive, for another she didn’t know what Aleksander was planning to do with her power once he had put the collar on her. But it is still interesting to me that even knowing that it would transfer her power to Aleksander, she choose to once again trust him in that moment and believed him when he said they would do everything together. Which again brings me back to that question of if she knew it was going to transfer her power to him and she had decided to trust him, why was she so shocked and hurt when he was controlling her power? 

Well like I said up until this point Alina had shown that she was hurt and angry and that she made the decision to trust him and after making that choice she seemed calm. But the fear came in when Aleksander looked away from her. This is something he’s only done before when threatening M*l. I think she knows him well enough by now to know that him looking away is because he is about to do something that he knows will hurt her, that will upset her. This is what makes her afraid, seeing him look away from her. This is when she starts to feel confused and starts asking what is happening and saying she doesn’t understand. It’s not that she doesn’t understand what the collar will do, she just doesn’t understand why he isn’t able to meet her eyes. I think this is further exacerbated by the fact that David also looks visibly upset. She’s realised that Aleksander is hiding something from her and isn’t being entirely truthful and that in turn is making her afraid. I do think that she takes some comfort from Aleksander’s eyes, throughout their whole relationship they had a thing about eye contact, right from their first scene together in the tent in episode 2. So when she seeks out that eye contact for reassurance only to find that he is avoiding her gaze it unsettles her.

 Another thing I noticed is that when Ivan slows her heartbeat at first I thought it was to stop her from struggling, but then I realised she wasn’t actually struggling by that point, she was asking alot of questions but not struggling. It might still have been a little to keep her under control but right before moving away from Alina he looks first to Ivan and then David to indicate to them to carry out the plan. So I think Aleksander arranged with Ivan to slow Alina’s heart rate more as a sedation, I think Aleksander didn’t want Alina to feel pain or fear when the antlers were fusing to her. Of course that doesn’t make what he did to her ok but it does show that he had some level of care for her that he didn’t want her to experience pain, unlike if he was a full on villain who wouldn’t give two hoots if his victim was in pain.  

I also think her shock after the collar had been placed on her, whilst some of it is the horror of feeling the antlers fused into her, its also because she once again trusted him and I think whilst she knew it would transfer her powers to him and that he would be able to use them, I think when she choose to trust him she did so believing he wouldn’t use her powers against her will. She believed him when he said they would do it together. So in my opinion it is less shock that he has access to her powers like I first thought and more betrayal that he is using them against her will, if that makes sense. If he had kept to what he said in his pretty little speech about doing it together and used her powers through the connection but only when she gave permission, and whilst keeping her in the loop of what was happening and what they would be using her powers for, if he stopped when she said she didn’t want to do something, then she would have been ok with it. It’s the realisation that doing it together is not his goal, that despite all he told her he is the one in control and that he isn’t treating her as a partner but as a slave and as a tool to be used in his grand plan no matter whether she wants to help or not. Once again he has tricked her and once again she is left feeling betrayed and like a fool. I think this is why she doesn’t believe or trust him later during the make me your villain scene when he is pretty much pleading with her to understand him, which lets be real is probably a conversation they should have had before he forced the collar on her, maybe then Aleksander wouldn’t have felt that action was necessary and they could have come up with another solution together that didn’t involve making Alina a weapon against her will.       

Anyway think I have waffled on long enough. So there we go end of random thought dump. 

[amiramorozova]

Dual Summoner x The Darkling pt. 28

I woke up sometime later as I found myself on a bed and I sat up looking around for a minute. I knew I wasn't back at the little palace and I started to get up. Walking towards the door I heard people talking and I put my ear to the door to listen.

"We had no idea General Kirigan was going to do that." Nadia said 

"He did assign us as her guards for her protection." Marie said 

"I appreciate that you girls have followed my daughter this far but you know the risks. You know as long as you follow her you both could be in danger." Father said

"She's our friend, sir. We don't want to abandon her. Not now, not ever." Marie and Nadia said 

"thank you, that being said I think you two should know what could happen if he gets Amira." Father said 

I knew I hadn't mentioned the whole truth to them and if my father told them then they might turn against him. I listened as father chose his words wisely not mentioning that he was the one who made the fold but that he had to hide his identity to protect himself. That it was true that he made an agreement with his mother for me to marry him. I opened the door after he told them and then I walked out seeing them looking at me.

"I can't hide." I said 

"You have to, if he gets you then.." Father started but I sighed, "I am fully aware what he could do but I can manipulate him just as much as he can manipulate any girl..except me." I said 

"No, you're staying here." Father said 

I didn't want to argue with him so for now I gave in but I knew that my Kefta told a lot, so did my jewelry as my father came over and he started to remove my Kefta. I was shocked but he put a regular jacket on me and then he went for the jewelry I had on from Aleksander and I put my hands over me stepping back. I didn't care what he thought I had accepted everything Aleksander had given me and I didn't want to part with them again.

"Amira" Father said 

"No." I said 

"He can track you with them." Father said 

"Then we keep moving till I can't keep running." I said, "I can do this when he finds me. The fact you can't accept that I can handle Aleksander is not my problem." 

"Amira." Father said with a concern look

I walked past him as I said "You lost that right to tell me what to wear and what to do when you dropped me at the little palace." I said as I took my Kefta from him, putting it over my shoulder.

I knew my words would hurt him but the truth was I hadn't been raised by my parents past the age of eight. I was raised in the little palace where I only had Baghra for all that time and their letters to keep me from thinking they abandoned me. I had been prepared for facing Aleksander my whole life knowing I was supposed to kill that stag and I failed. I knew that Aleksander was coming for me and I needed to be ready but here I was in a house with many sun summoners. 

I walked out of the room where I saw my aunt Analise and her son trying to train as I smiled. I walked over and she looked at me surprised to see I was awake.

"Maybe I could help. I had a good trainer."  I said

"Oh uh maybe." Analise said 

Adrian looked at me as I sat by him, having my kefta on my lap as I removed his bracelet, surprising him. My aunt looked shocked too but I assured her it was necessary for what he was going to be doing. 

"Adrian, I'm Amira. Like you I'm a Dual Summoner and I can help you control it." I assured him

"You? You are the one they call Sankta Amira? Ok!" Adrian said smiling

"I am no saint." I assured him 

We started as I was mindful of our surroundings and we started with the tidemaker as he was surprised when I showed him the water. He seemed happy to see that we were alike in that way but then we put our hands together ever so slightly changing our hand positions and we did it again to show our other ability which for me was sunlight but for him was Fire. 

He really is an Inferni and a tidemaker. I thought 

"Oh wow, you have the light to tear down the fold." Adrian said as his inferni fire slipped

"This light can do many things, Adrian. If everyone in this family with the light worked together the fold could be gone but if it is just me I can just make a tunnel for the skiffs to go through the fold." I said

"More resources?" Adrian said

"In a way, but if someone had the idea to use that tunnel to weaponize the fold. Grisha would still be useful to the people and we could get rid of enemies." I said

"Where did you hear such a thing?" Analise asked

I let the light go knowing that there was no hiding that Aleksander Morozova was alive. Every Grisha thought the black Heretic was dead in the fold and the people that were inside of it died too. I stood up as I knew that we needed to start moving and I looked at my aunt.

"The people in the fold when it was created didn't die. The Black Heretic didn't die." I said, "Women, Children, Men became those things in the fold. Lost their humanity to a powerful spell."

"And the Black Heretic?" Analise asked

"I know who he is and I can get him to do the right thing." I said, "I just need the time to get close and get him to see things my way."

"You said Grisha would still be useful but the fold could be weaponized." Analise said 

"The Fjerdan problem could be dealt with, Grisha could live in peace without being hunted if we got rid of them." I said seeing her surprise at my assurance on this, "I am eternal, so I don't have a lot of options but to watch my friends..my family die sometime. If I get close...Once I get married I can gain power and influence in the 2nd army. I can inspire Dual Summoners to come out of hiding. To follow me where I go by marrying my fiance."

"I want to sign up for the 2nd army!" Adrian said excited 

I smiled at my cousin, "Not yet, let me get that officially taken care of but I have a plan." I assured him, "I'm sure Baghra would love to have a new student." 

We started to get on the move, Nico had to travel with us due to abandoning the 2nd army. He also refused to let me even consider running back to the little palace. Marie and Nadia seemed to have decided to follow me anywhere so that was nice. Traveling with family to keep ahead of Aleksander was a first but I knew that one thing he had to be within range with a Durast to track my jewelry and our soulmate link hadn't fully given all the clues to where I was. 

"We could go through the fold." Analise said 

"We are beacons of light just going to lure them and the 2nd army manages the skiffs going through. Zoya would love to rat me out to get her place back." I said 

We needed a plan and we didn't have a lot to work with but getting out of Keramsin was a start for all of us. I looked at my wrist knowing he wouldn't give up, he wouldn't stop looking for me as the letters were faint meaning he was closing in. I led them forward as we ran to get the best distance. We just needed to get to the next village. I didn't care how long it took but I knew he was going either by horse or by carriage when it came to this. I didn't even think about the people who'd helped us escape. Nadia looked at the map as she pointed to the woods to be the best route and we took that path as I led but we had to stop for my grandparents as they were not used to this. 

"How are we doing on distance?" Catalina asked

I looked at my wrist seeing the initials were barely there and that meant he wasn't very close as I smiled. "We're doing good." I assured her, I knew that he was tracking me by my necklace but I was tracking him through the soulmate mark. I knew he wasn't paying that close attention to his wrist, men don't normally think about it as a way of tracking. Baghra had told me to always try to out think him and here I was doing just that. 

When we started to move again we kept going until nightfall when it was cold. We bunked up where we could. My father, my grandmother and I used the sun summoner power to put warmth in us before we decided to rest. Nadia and Marie bunked with me so if anyone tried to sneak up on us we could all three wake up and attack. Mother and Father bunked together, my grandparents stayed together and Aunt Analise stayed with her son. 

By morning we were hungry but it turned out that Father knew how to hunt like Marie so we were able to eat. Adrian and I covered our tracks so that they weren't easy to follow and then we started moving again. Adain was younger than me by five years but it was clear he'd been training or he would have struggled. 

"So what are you looking at when you look at your wrist to know we're ahead?" Adrian asked

"It's called a soulmate mark. When your soulmate is close to you, their first and last initial of their true name will appear on your wrist." I said, as I showed him my wrist where nothing was there right now. "We're far away from mine so we've made good distance." 

This went on for a few days and I was ready for a bath and ready to see Genya again. I missed Genya and how she made everything look better than I actually did. We heard the sound of movement and I had my dagger ready when I saw the tailor who had helped us.

"How did you find us?" I asked

"I know how to track my friend." The tailor girl said as she walked over to each of us and she helped us look a bit better. "It's not much but you all look better." 

I bet he won't let me sleep in my room if he catches me. I thought then slapped myself knowing I was thinking of sharing his bed.

"Amira, why'd you do that?" Mother asked

"Because I am in love with him and I am thinking about him when I need to get ahead of him." I said 

As we made it to the village we had all of our 2nd army stuff in a bag on my shoulder so we wouldn't be found out. We found an inn to stay in for everyone to have a room and I fell asleep there.

[sanktagenyas]

ok so i finally watched those last three episodes. i said buckle up it’s time to suffer and by the saints did i ever suffer. i just knew the darklina scenes were gonna be rough to watch. it was already rough reading the scenes as they were written in book one. i mean the darkling just shines with his intelligence in that chapter, doesn’t he? threaten the man she loves? well the other man she loves? check! tell her she betrayed you when the reality is you’ve been telling half truths all along and didn’t trust her to make her choices? check! 

buddy this isn’t how you apologize. in the show itself it’s pretty much the same back and forth that leads nowhere. you lied to me! you ran off because my mother told you i’m not who i say i am without giving me a chance to explain! you’ve been lying or bending the truth since we met! YOU TURNED YOUR BACK ON YOUR COUNTRY!

by that point i was just like chill the fuck out man you’re about to decimate many many countrymen and you know it. i loved that the stop they made was all about him getting revenge on the man who attempted on alina’s life, that was very unhinged of him and i was HERE for that shit but everyone else in that port? every other woman and child and man on that port? not all of them played a hand and he just went ahead and had them slaughtered without batting an eye. and it’s not like he has some kind of safeguard for grishas does he? how does he know there’s no grisha wherever he’s expanding the fold? some could be in hiding because they fled, because they didn’t want to serve the king. oh well he doesn’t really care about those people does he? we all saw how he spoke about those deserters to arken.

also he could NOT handle alina’s harsh truths about how his own actions are harming grisha close to him even though he claims that every choice he’s made was to protect them and empower them. when she brought up genya i was like yes you better look down you motherfucker! you did this to her, you delivered to her abuser over and over. 

we saw his backstory, some of it and he acted out of grief and rage. he toyed with magic he did not understand and of course he didn’t intend this but his reaction to the fold once it was all said and done was definitely foreshadowing what he was to become. i created something he said defiantly. you created something you don’t have control over. and now he’s done it again somehow, he’s got brand new creatures following him at the end.

i actually felt for young aleksander for losing the woman he loved but the arrogance and the recklessness he showed there is still the same arrogance he has now. he thinks he has thought his plan through but that’s just working off the assumption that no one opposes him ever otherwise he went ahead and put a target on grisha’s backs. he definitely put a target on alina��s back although i know that was never the plan. the fact that when he has a perfectly good remedy to the fold, a chance to actually fix his mistakes once and for all he turns its back and decides to make it ten times worse, chooses ruling via fear over hope is jusr a sign of how far he’s gone. and he didn’t waver once not even when alina was pleading with him that he could have made her his equal, that they could have stayed together and made ravka safe together if only he gave her a choice, he was still manipulative and lied to her face.

at this point i just don’t think his love for her outweighs his belief that he knows what’s best for ravka, what’s the best way to protect grisha. because he doesn’t care about anyone who isn’t grisha at all. he was persecuted like so many others. he won a war for a king centuries and that king turned on him. i’m sure he’s looking at the current one knowing that once grisha have exhausted their uses that king will turn on him too. the fold is just a different kind of war and if he wins that one for the king the darkling already knows what the outcome will be. 

so to summarize this whole darkling commentary here i understand where he is coming from, i understand the fear and the rage and the desperation. it’s not working out for him though. he’s feared but he’s alone. for every ivan there’s a zoya. for every man who’s blindly loyal to him there’ll be someone rising up to oppose him eventually. and if it’s not his own people it’ll be non grisha folks. he has the second army working for him still, but he is alone. and that’s no one’s fault but his own because alina was willing to work with him. 

speaking of alina i loved every second of her rising up to oppose him telling him she never needed him. she may have fallen in love with him but she never actually needed him to be powerful, she only needed to free herself of the restraints she’d put on her powers out of fear. i also thought that the way she freed herself of his control made more sense than it did in the books. 

i have hope for darklina still despite all that’s happened despite how positively full of rage ans resentment she is because she still loves him, she still listened when he pleaded with her that they needed each other if they wanted to deal with the fold. of course there’s the slight issue of him lying directly and manipulating her to do his bidding and of course the fact that he took her power from her. the only thing that was her and he perverted it for his own gain. i think it just might take more than a year for her to forgive him i’m afraid. i don’t necessarily see a path to redemption right now but reconciliation? alina can be merciful, she can be forgiving. i think all it would really take is just one selfless act, one show of good faith. if he keeps pursuing her and mal and keep trying to rob her of her agency however i don’t see them ever having any kind of closure.

i don’t think i need to expand much more on my thoughts on malina. i’m not feeling what the show wants me to feel. i’m not seeing them as these soulmates that belong together. to me they’d be better of as best friends. the darkling didn’t make her strong he tried to steal her strength for his own use but mal doesn’t make her strong either, she relies too much on him. mal actually was pretty damn resourceful when left on his own. i unfortunately couldn’t say the same for alina. co-dependant love is not better than toxic love and darklina’s toxicity (most of it) comes from the lies and from the darkling repeatedly choosing for alina. he’s not brave enough to just tell her what he intends to do and let her decide whether to align herself with him so he lies and he deceives instead. not much he can do to undo it now but he could help actually destroy the fold if he wanted to. i don’t know if he’ll ever come around to it though.

the darkling visiting mal with the sole purpose to rub it in his face that alina and he are immortal and so eventually mal will die and then he could just swoop in was just peak comedy. the way he delivered that line too you’d think he was talking to an insect not another human being. it was brilliant. mal echoing that same line but ending it with “the past will do it for me” was pretty good, nice quip i’ll give mal that but also terribly ironic when you see the ending.

team crows remains the highlight for me. kaz and inej and their unspoken love for each other is just killing me. i can tell there are personal traumas there that i don’t know about (gotta read those damn books and quick) what with kaz not being able to help tend to her wounds and the fact that there were moments were i could see there was maybe a kiss about to happen or an embrace (at the end when kaz let alina go free and made a deal not to rat her out) and it just didn’t happen. there’s a story there about kaz and his distaste for being touched/touching others. jesper is just here to look pretty, shoot shit and be the most charming person in any crowd. i’m in love. also someone give him his goat back for the love of god.

nina and mathias were entertaining for sure. with all that banter and all these jabs i should have really seen them falling for one another coming. i felt like it was perhaps a bit rushed but i guess there’s nothing like almost freezing to death together to make you reconsider your views. you know the whole saving of lives thing can really bond you. the waffle date was adorable. was not expecting nina to just brand herself a traitor for him and she’s damn lucky fyedor came on that mission because i’m pretty sure ivan wouldn’t even have offered to keep her name out of the report. she and mathias ended their story both heartbroken and separated. i really hate that he thinks this was all intentional. really hope she’ll join the crows on their next con job. and i also cannot wait to see the look on heleen’s face when kaz buys inej’s freedom.

i was not at all expecting zoya to turn against the darkling. that’s what happens when you turned down one of your fuck buddies, aleksander they get bitter and then they leave you to be eaten alive by volcras. ok but in all seriousness she did the right thing and i hope she finds her family even if they’re not alive so she can say her goodbyes. 

oh and completely unrelated but since i talked about heights of comedy before i really need more sassy! darkling in my life. he is everything. that quip about his speech. the way he said adorable like he was gagging on the word. him just letting david be his dorkiest self and raise his hand before speaking, that little put upon sigh. i love sassy! darkling almost as much as jealous and petty darkling which is saying a lot. just more of that. it humanizes him, i’m tired of villains who are forever stoic and stone face. 

i think i about covered everyone and everything that happened in those remaining episodes. all in all shadow and bone is an amazing adaptation, really faithful to the first book. they made some changes to the characters which in turn changed some dynamics (alina actually admitted she wanted to be with the darkling. out loud. to his face. book!alina would never and book!darkling would never cry in front of her.) but it made for surprising viewing. it also made me become even more attached to some characters (the darkling let’s be real) which made me care more which is why i was livid when they started making a lot of terrible no good choices.

i was just really blown away by this show and the way the grishaverse was brought to life and above all major props to the actors who all just seemed to be born to play their respective roles. 

[nikkzwrites]

Yesterday Once More | Dark Fix-It Fic Series | Chapter 11

A/N: This fic is one that I started with my OC because honestly, I personally didn’t like how season 3 ended. So I am rewriting all of Dark with my OC Annalise Dahlheim. I hope you all like it. Some things will be expanded more on just for more depth to Dark that season 3 kinda skipped over so…. yeah.

CW: Canon Typical Triggers: Smoking, Sex, Language, Drugs, Drinking, Death, Violence, Suicide Mentions, Cutting, Violence.

Word Count:  5k

[First Chapter] [Previous Chapter] [Next Chapter]

Jonas and Annalise both shot up awake at the same time in different times both having a dream about the moment that was supposed to be the happiest moment of their lives that was actually just the moments that would cause the disasters that would destroy Winden. One of the two in 2053 and the other teen in 2020. Their movements mimicked each other as the two turned to get out of his bed and pull out a letter. His addressed to him to open when his father died. Hers addressed to open now. They both sighed and walked down the stairs into the main areas of the empty Kahnwald house. Annalise’s stairs were silent to cause Jonas’s stairs to creak twice as loud. As if they were both ghosts in this once happy and lively home. They both took a moment to look at the calendar in the kitchen and walked out to walk amongst the living.

Joans walked around his old town gathering supplies before going back down into the bunker to start his work back up. He found the appropriate tape for that day and placed it into the player to listen to it. 

A woman’s voice rang out, “My name is Claudia Tiedemann. I am one of the few survivors of the apocalypse of June 27, 2020. Almost three months have passed since the catastrophe. It’s still unclear what exactly led to the events in Winden. But the God Particle… If we can stabilize it, maybe it is a way back. Back to the past. Maybe we can save them. All of them.”

Annalise walked down the roads. She walked down to the store to grab something to eat before heading her way back into the woods not too far from the Kahnwald’s or Tiedemann’s. She laid down on her and Jonas’s rock looking up at the leaves above her. She quietly wondered if any of them were the same from that day as she quietly hummed the old song she would sing to Jonas and Mikkel. 

The radio on throughout Winden called, “Wake up, late risers! It’s the first week of summer vacation and it is perfect beach weather.” Across Hannah’s walls were newspaper articles about her son and the rest of the missing people. Several of them with pictures of Annalise as well. “Local News. Over six months after the mysterious disappearance of five teenagers, a senior citizen and a local police officer from the town of Winden, despite one of them being found, there are still no clues as to their whereabouts or the circumstances. A federal police task force will now assist with the investigation.”

Hannah marked off the date on the calendar and looked at the old christmas photo of her small little family. Her tear stained face reeking of how she felt on the inside.

“How do you feel today,” The doctor asked Regina, unaware of Bartosz spying on the conversation, “Still having joint trouble? Nausea? To be honest, your lab results worry me. We should treat you in the hospital again.”

Regina shook her head, “No. Absolutely not. I want to stay here.”

“Fine,” The doctor nodded, “We’ll wait for the next MRI results. We may have to switch from hormone treatment back to chemo.”

Bartosz looked down at his phone to see a text from his girlfriend asking him to go to the bridge.

Clausen stood on top of the podium to give his speech. He was the new head of the Winden task force. Today he was taking over the missing persons cases. He was ready to reopen all the cases and review everything about them until he could solve it. He informed that some people had received summons for renewed interrogation in regards to the cases. He also made a statement that they were going to start trying to push more answers from Annalise as well. 

This received some backlash from many of the people in the town annoyed that not only would they send only one person to help, but the government decided to keep Charlotte on the case as well. 

Magnus looked at Franziska as they sat next to the lake, “Does your mom talk at home? About the investigation, I mean.”

“Not to us,” she replied.

Magnus shook his head, “We sit around and wait. And nothing happens. We know as little as we did eight months ago. Sometimes I think it’d be better if they were dead.”

Franziska rubbed the boy’s shoulder, “Don’t say that.” Slowly, the two teen’s lips met for a passionate kiss. It wasn’t long before that got interrupted by a text tone for the girl. She looked back at Magnus and told him, “I have to go.” She stood up to walk away.

“Where to,” Magnus asked.

“To pick up Elisabeth at a friend’s,” Franziska told him, “I’ll call you later, okay?”

Sensing that Franziska was lying, he waited a moment before following her.

Katharina walked through the woods. Her backpack ready with a map and flashlight. She knew the caves had something to do with all of this even though the police swore with Annalise that this wasn’t the care. Annalise had made a comment that she simply had run away due to stress and came back. She also claimed that Jonas would be back soon, though they went their separate ways so she had no idea where he was presently. Yet it’s been a full month and he still wasn’t back. Katharina prepared herself for her cave journey before walking inside.

Jonas trekked up to the power plant’s broken gate. He walked over to the wall to look at the sign, then made his way to the church. He passed the graves of many of the past residents of Winden there. He knelt down to place the picture of his family on his father’s grave then turned to look at Martha’s.

Martha rode her bike down to the bridge. She parked her bike and hiked down to see Bartosz already sitting there waiting for her. She sat down near him and looked at him.

“I’ve been trying to reach you for days,” Bartosz commented. 

Martha shook her head, “A lot was going on.” She watched as he turned away from her and she tried to say, “I wanted to talk to you. I’ve wanted to for a long time.”

“Save your breath,” Bartosz told her without even looking at her. He sighed and looked over to the girl, “It’s probably better that way.” Martha huffed and looked away from the boy causing him to turn, “So… that’s it then.” Martha slightly nodded, then looked down. Bartosz’s anger erupted, “Because of him? Because of Jonas?!”

“What?!” Martha growled back at him. She tried to fight back tears, “What’s that got to do with it? We hardly ever see each other. I don’t know… You’ve changed! I… What about her then? Annalise? She’s back for a month and you're willing to just throw it all away for her?” Martha shook her head and turned back to him, “I feel like you’re hiding something. I don’t know what’s up with you!”

Bartosz argued, “What’s up with me? What the fuck? My mom is dying! And… there’s stuff I can’t tell you.”

“Why not,” Martha accused.

Bartosz swallowed hard, “I just can’t. Okay? If you knew the crap I’m going through...”

Martha’s anger spewed out, “The crap you’re going through?! In case you forgot, my father and brother disappeared. My ex best friend is the only lead, she is lying to everyone, and won’t speak to any of us because of some stupid thing I said that she is claiming made her disappear for seven months! My mom is crazy and couldn’t care less about me! And you want to tell me about your crap?!” She quickly turned away as Bartosz shrunk down. She panted angrily, ran her fingers through her hair then repeated, “It’s better this way.” She stood up and stormed away.

Bartosz sat there wringing his hands anxiously. He watched her go before receiving a text telling him simply, ‘This evening.’

Aleksander stood in front of all his employees and gave a somber speech. He thanked them all for their loyalty and explained that the plant would be decommissioned in six days. After the speech, he followed his nuclear engineer. They put on their yellow hazard suit and walked inside.

The engineer explained, “Everything has been prepared for transport as planned.”

Aleksander asked, “And the demolition plans?”

“Everything at the ground level will be left and become part of the greenfield,” the other man explained, “The radiation of the barrels will be traced to the pool’s previous use.”

Hannah placed down the box with Aleksander’s once gun and passport inside. She took out the pistol and pointed it under her chin when she was interrupted by a set of keys opening the door. She quickly hid the gun and stood up to look to who that could have been. “Hello,” she called out. When she saw a bearded hooded man walk in, she asked him, “Who are you? What do you want? Why do you have a key?”

“It’s my key,” Stranger Jonas told his concerned mother. He slowly took off his hood so that she could get a better look at him.

Hannah, still not understanding, asked, “What do you mean, it’s yours?”

Jonas tried to calm his mother, “I know it sounds like it makes no sense, but hear me out.” He placed his bag down and walked towards her, “Do you remember the yellow bike? The bike you and dad gave me on my eighth birthday. I rode it into the ditch the very first day. I gashed my arm open. Here.” He rolled up his sleeves so that she could see his scar. 

Hannah panted. She couldn’t believe someone could play such a cruel trick on her. “Get out,” she commanded.

Jonas looked down trying to find what else he could do to convince her. “Here,” he tried again, “Dad was making pancakes here. He dropped the pan and spilled the hot oil here.” He motioned down to the stain on the wood then said, “I vanished from your life six months ago. You found me over 33 years ago. I knew it was you right away. It was raining, remember? Grandpa and you wanted to take me along in the car. You said it was still acid rain because of Chernobyl. I was wearing my yellow coat.” He took a step closer to her, “Momma. It’s me.” He held his hand out to her.

Hannah sobbed realizing he was telling her the truth. She put her hand on his arm and looked up at him, “Jonas?” She gently touched his beard in disbelief that her son would grow one, “But that’s impossible.” She cupped his face as she cried. She moved his hair away and watched him relax at her touch. She pulled him into a hug. 

Franziska walked to her drop spot for Bernette and put the information in before leaving to go get Elisabeth. Katharina squatted down in the cave and marked more places on her map before continuing forward. 

In 1921, Noah comforted his younger self from killing the older man. He told the boy that everything would be revealed in due time and that some things needed to stay hidden away for then so that later they could come into the light. 

“How do we know what’s right and what’s wrong,” the younger boy asked through gritted teeth and tears, “What is good and what is evil?”

Noah replied, “By heeding our inner voice. By not following anyone else but ourselves. Our true nature reveals itself not only in our deeds but also in their purpose. I am you. I am your voice. Never forget that. Everything is connected. You. Me. The past. And the future.” 

In 2053, Jonas walked through the forest of hanging bodies. Soon he heard gunshots and a man shouting. Jonas looked and ran towards the yelling. There was a crowd standing there at the execution. Nuclear gear carelessly tossed to the side as the man yelled. “Who are you,” he yelled, “You are hiding it! There, behind the wall! We saw it! We followed the signal. Till the dead zone. You’re hiding God! You mustn’t hide God. He’s not yours alone!”

Elisabeth nodded her head at the team. They pulled tightening the rope around his neck as he plead. She slowly turned away and looked into the small crowd. She signed and her translator Silja spoke, “No one can enter the dead zone. Any attempt will be punished by death. Those are the rules. We are the future! Sic mundus creatus est.”

The crowd repeated, “Sic mundus creatus est.” Then they departed leaving Jonas alone with Elisabeth and Silja.

“Where were you,” they questioned the boy, “There’s nothing out there. The passage is our only hope. The faithless are dead. The prophecy will come true, the passage will open and we will be led into paradise.”

“The faithless are dead,” Jonas asked back, “Everyone is dead, my family, my friends. Everyone dies in six days, in my time! I don’t need your damn paradise! I just want to go home!” He looked at Elisabeth, “What did they want behind the wall?”

Silja signed to Elisabeth what Jonas had said and awaited for her response. 

Jonas, however, did not have the time to wait, so he turned and left.

In 2020, Elisabeth looked up at her father, “Why did mom keep all of Great Granddad’s things? He’s been dead for years.”

Peter signed back, “I think because it’s the only thing that reminds her of her family. Some things are hard to let go of.”

“It’s a shame I never met Grandpa and Grandma,” Elisabeth told her dad, “Does Mom remember them?”

Peter explained, “Your mother was still little when they died. Come on.” Peter walked more into the shop to look. He turned to see Elisabeth had pulled out a picture of her mother and great grandfather from 1986. Peter chuckled. 

Annalise looked at the time. She bit her lip and started to sneak back towards the Kahnwald house only to be given pause by Bartosz. He spotted her and walked over to her. He stood in front of the girl and said, “Hey.”

“Hey,” She commented back trying to look past him. She then turned to him and gave a small smile, “Is there something I can do for you?”

Bartosz stared at her. Frustration rose in him, “I wish you would just stop fucking lying. Could you do that?”

Annalise started to walk past him, “Honestly, Bartosz. I really don’t know what you mean. I’ve told everyone the truth. Jonas and I ran away after the fight. We found a cheap cabin right outside of a different town not too far from here that we rented while we tried to find a permanent place. We got separated about a month ago. I came back after a week of waiting for him like we planned. He will be back soon. I don-”

WHACK! Bartosz’s fist hit the tree, “Anna! We both know that’s bullshit!” He grabbed her wrist, “We both know about what’s going on here. Please talk to me. You are the only one who I can talk to. Please.”

Annalise tried to wiggle away, “Bartosz, you’re hurting me. Let go. I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I know about Noah,” Bartosz growled into her ear, pulling her close to him. “I’m part of it too. Just talk to me.”

Annalise pulled away and told him, “I have no idea what you’re talking about! I told everyone what happened and honestly I’m only still here to make sure Hannah doesn’t kill herself and to wait for Jonas to get back so we can both go back home!”

“We both know that isn’t what’s happening,” Bartosz told her.

Annalise turned back to him, “You’re right Bartosz! Jonas left me and he’s never coming back! I should damn well just run off with you! Is that what you want to fucking hear?!” She had tears in her eyes. She grit her teeth as she tried to keep the tears inside. She stormed up to him, “Do you want to run away with me Bartosz?! Leave your dying mother behind and I leave behind a grieving mother on the edge of putting a gun to her head?! Is that what you want?”

Bartosz felt tears building up inside him as well. He looked down and whispered down to her while caressing her cheek, “That isn’t fair. I know you’re scared, but don’t take it out on me.”

“You don’t know the first thing about me,” She hissed and turned away as she felt the tears start to fall.

Bartosz watched her leave and whispered, “I know I love you at least.” He let his tears fall watching her knowing it would probably be best to try and give her space. She knew she could always come to him now and that he would never judge her. He watched her go not realizing that this moment could have possibly been the last he would see her again.

Martha knocked on her brother’s room door. “Mom,” she called into the empty room. She looked around. There on the floor and walls were papers, trails of what her mother was thinking. Martha sat down onto the ground and opened a box to pull out a file. There in front of her was the investigation file. That was when Martha got the thought into her head that maybe it was their turn to start snooping around.

Katharina continued searching in the caves hoping to find her answers. She had no idea if she was going to get them but she had hope that she would. She needed to find her son and husband. She needed to make things right.

“It’s remarkable people don’t crack, given the futility of their own existence,” Adam told Noah, “An endless cycle of life and death. Where is the origin of all this suffering?” He paused then asked, “Did you tell Bartosz?”

Noah turned away from the painting of The Fall of the Damned and nodded to the man.

“And he didn’t get at all suspicious,” Adam asked sitting crossed legged in a chair. He spoke to himself after seeing Noah shake his head, “He has always been naive by nature.” He took a large breath and walked up to Noah, “The apocalypse has to happen. Are you having doubts?” He watched Noah shake his head then asked, “What do you do with an old forest so new trees can grow?”

Noah replied, “You burn it down.”

“There isn’t much time left,” Adam told the man. “The missing pages… you must find them.”

Noah nodded before being interrupted by an older Franziska, “Adam? They’re waiting for you.”

Adam turned back to Noah and said, “Six more days.” He turned and walked out.

In 2020, Magnus turned hearing a rustle near him. He looked to see Bernette going to the drop site and replacing an envelope with another one. She looked around not noticing the boy and walked back to her trailer. Magnus trailed after her. He opened the door and walked in.

“I’m on my break,” Bernette told the person who walked in. When she turned, she was surprised to see a young man there, who looked just as surprised himself. She strolled over to him, “Oh, well… Blow job 40 euros, anal 85. Kinky stuff costs extra, but I need to eat first.” She opened up a ramen cup. Then turned to the young man, “Well, get undressed.”

Magnus panicked. He took a few breaths in before dashing back out of the trailer.

Bernette, confused, walked towards her window and watched as Magnus rushed home.

“You can say I exist infinitely,” Jonas explained to his mother as the sun slowly made its way down to sleep and Annalise climbed her way up the side of the house to sneak into Jonas’s room once more, “I’m here now. And I’m in every second between my birth and my death. I’m always Jonas. I’m the same. And yet not the same.” Hannah looked at the older version of her son as he continued, “Like you’re not the same person who came through that door an hour ago.”

Hannah asked him, “But where is Jonas? Where is my Jonas?”

The Stranger Jonas sighed, “He’s in the future.”

“In the future,” Hannah repeated back as a question.

The older version of her son nodded, “Yeah. He can’t come back. I tried to destroy the passage, but I only closed it. That’s why he’s still there.”

Hannah shook her head and sighed, “Why are you here?”

Annalise walked down the stairs right at that moment causing both of them to stare at her for a moment before resuming the conversation. He said, “To put an end to it all. Once and for all.”

Annalise smiled gently and asked, “Ada- Jonas?” She gently shepherded him up from his chair, “It’s really you.” She collapsed in his arms. She pulled him close to her and took in a deep breath to inhale all of him. Her fingers curled into his back pulling his shirt into her fists. She buried her face in him trying not to let him go. As if she were to let him go that he would be lost to time once again.

He smiled tenderly down at her. His beloved so close to him made him feel truly home. He pet her head gently. He placed a soft kiss against the top of her head as he whispered, “I am Lise. It’s so good to see you again.” He held her close treasuring this moment. It was near ecstasy for her to be so close to him again after so long.

She slowly pulled away and placed a warm kiss against his cheek. “You should get to bed,” Annalise scolded him, “Take a shower then head to bed. You sorely need it.” I can tell just how weary you are.”

Jonas nodded with his eyes half lidded looking at her, “Alright.” He dreamily smiled before going upstairs to do just as he was told.

Elisabeth tried to keep herself occupied as her father went through the boxes. She used this time to start trying to look through books. While looking through one, she found a picture. Surprised she brought it to her father and pointed out the man saying, “That’s him! That’s that man.”

“Which man,” Peter asked his daughter.

Elisabeth explained, “The man with the watch. That’s Noah!”

“Noah,” Peter asked his daughter. He looked down at the picture and stared. There staring back at him was just as his daughter had described before and he knew that it was true. There was Noah.

Back at Sic Mundus, Noah stared at a trifold of pictures of everyone important in the loop. The Doppler’s, the Kahnwalds, the Nielsen’s, the Tiedemann’s, and David and Annalise Dahlhiem. He turned and walked away with his briefcase off to do more of his work.

“Watch out for the tiniest deviations in their statements,” Clausen told Charlotte, “Every detail is important.”

Charlotte turned hearing her phone vibrate. She picked it up seeing a message from Peter telling her, ‘I’ve found Noah. Come to the Bunker.’

 Clausen looked at the woman and asked, “Something wrong?”

“I have to go,” Charlotte tried to rush out.

Clausen interrupted and commented, “I don’t have a driver’s license. I assume it’s okay if I ride with you tomorrow?”

Charlotte turned to him, “Yes.” She walked out to go meet up with her husband.

In 2053, Jonas walked around the desolate forest. He hiked to the bunker. He turned on his spherical light and lowered himself inside. He studied his map then grabbed his Geiger counter before heading out.

Annalise, in 2019, crept into Jonas’s father’s studio. It was actually the first time she had ever been up here. She searched for something where she could toss the letter that she needed to burn. It wasn’t long before she found the metal bucket. But there was something strange. A covered painting. Something inside of her called to it. As if it were meant for her to pull the sheet. The girl grasped the cloth and pulled it away to reveal, looking back at her, a smiling girl. The resemblance was uncanny. Annalise fell to the floor. Her breathing hitched inside of her chest. Tears fell from her eyes seeing her happy naive face staring back at her. She was so full of love. Annalise scrunched her face, she had never met Jonas’s father had she? Much less when she was the age she was in the painting. The pieces slowly came together. She breathed heavily. “Mikkel,” she whispered. She started to sob. Annalise quickly snapped herself out of it. She grabbed the bucket, lit the letter on fire, and dropped it into the bucket watching it burn.

Martha scattered the papers and documents around trying to find any clue she could. Magnus slowly opened the door to see his sister on the floor acting erratically. Martha looked up to defend herself, “Mom didn’t lock it.”

Magnus took a breath and asked, “What’s that?”

“Dad’s stuff,” Martha replied, “Police documents and maps of the cave. That’s why Mom goes there every day. I think she’s looking for this.” Martha handed Magnus the file.

Magnus studied it, “A door. In the caves?”

Martha nodded, “It goes to the nuclear power plant. They all know something we’re not supposed to know. Mom, Bartosz, The police, Annalise.” She sighed shaking her head, “Each with their own shitty secret.”

Angry, Magnus started to breath heavily trying to process that maybe that thing Martha said at the very beginning, the day Mikkel went missing, was true.

Bartosz trekked to the caves alone. He stood there waiting for Noah only for the man to approach from behind him, coming from deep inside the cave.

“Are you ready,” Noah asked the boy.

Bartosz nodded and followed the man into the cave, but not before turning back to take a look at Winden again.

Woller walked out of his sister’s trailer and complemented, “Thanks for the coffee.” He pulled out an envelope with money and handed it to her in exchange to the keys of the large shipping truck parked next to her trailer. 

“I’m glad to get rid of that thing,” she commented nodding towards the truck. 

Woller was just about to leave. He didn’t like that this was how he and his sister were communicating. He looked at her and said, “Call Mom again. Okay?”

Bernette nodded and allowed herself to hug her brother before he left with a simple exchanged ‘bye.’

Charlotte drove to the cabin and climbed down into the bunker. When she got there her husband turned and showed her a very old photograph.

Peter pointed, “That is Noah.” Charlotte looked up at him surprised, then took the picture to study it more closely. Peter continued, “Elisabeth found it at the store. It was in a book. She said that’s the man who gave her the watch.”

Charlotte turned it over to see the date on it was January 8, 1921. She read aloud, “Sic Mundus Creatus Est.”

“Charlotte, who are these people,” Peter asked her, “Why did your grandfather have this?”

Charlotte shook her head, “I don’t know.”

Peter scoffed before Charlotte added it to the evidence on the walls of the bunker. They turned to each other in disbelief. 

Franziska tried to call Magnus again as Elisabeth napped with her head on her older sister’s lap. He kept rejecting her calls. 

Hannah sat on the edge of Jonas’s bed as Annalise walked in. She turned to the girl and motioned to her older son’s scars. Annalise made no inclination of change in mood. Her face looked empty and devoid of any feelings once so ever. The two switched places as Hannah walked down stairs to go to sleep herself.

Regina slept in her bed in the house as her husband poured the concrete over the waste. He stared at it as Clausen stared at his board of missing persons.

The young Noah walked out of Sic Mundus and the young Jonas walked through the trees trying to get to the plant to sneak inside. There he found a tunnel which he crawled through and followed the signal to where the pool once was. 

Feeling the shifting of weight on the bed, the older Jonas jerked awake. He quickly and effectively grabbed Annalise and tossed her under him. His breathing fast and heavy until the hasy mist of sleep dissipated from him to reveal who it was. Seeing her face calmed him. He gently cupped her face and smiled through tears. “You really shouldn’t sneak up on people like that,” he commented rolling over to lay down once more.

Annalise turned onto her side so that way they were face to face as they spoke, “I’m sorry. It won’t happen again. I just…” She swallowed, “You are so injured my love.” Tears fell from her eyes onto his pillow. 

He nodded, “Yes, but it’s all to end this. I’ve seen far worse than what those scars tell you.” His thumb traced her cheek as he spoke quietly to her. He tried to soothe her tears away. He joined their hands together. He pulled them up to his rough and battered lips so that he could kiss her soft smooth knuckles before linking their fingers together. He kissed her forehead and confessed, “I am so sorry for everything. If I were only wiser, we wouldn’t be tangled into this knot and you would never feel any of this pain.”

A small smile fought its way onto her face as she tried to comfort him as well, “My dearest, it is alright. I know you will fix this. You will always be with me,” She kissed his cheek, “Please never let me go.”

The younger Jonas found it. He slipped into the yellow radiation suit and stared at it. They were right. There in front of his was the God particle. He turned and looked at all the documents surrounding it before turning his attention back to the black throbbing tendril-filled swirling sphere.

[siderealxmelody]

One Over Another {Zoya}

@youaregrisha

She wouldn't let herself be cowed. Besides with her new amplifier and the fact he was an Otkazat'sya how much of a threat could he be? She didn't like that neither of them were locked up. But Genya and Maven had advocated for leniency when it came to Luda. Luda had made it clear she didn’t want to be without him. It still baffled her how someone like the Darkling could love someone at all. Use them sure, he had used her and Alina just fine — but love someone? Love them enough to be put as a disadvantage? It made no sense to her.

She stepped backward as the door to their rooms opened. Luda didn't stand to chat but her eyes were red rimmed. Zoya wasn't about to feel sorry for her. If she thought the Darkling was some Saint then she was in for a rude awakening. She walked into the room, she grabbed at the doorframe — this felt like déjà vu. He had stood on the window just like this when she had come to him after she had hurt Alina.

"You've taken over my rooms."

"Well, someone had to, I wanted to remove every trace of you from this place."

She waited for him to glare at her, to say something cutting. But he only sighed and turned to look at her. 

"I had a hidden compartment, did you find it?"

She blinked, the room had been torn apart but they had found nothing. A part of her wanted to say she had — to say she'd burn everything in it. But he was asking, which meant it could be important.

"No, but we're getting whatever it is out. I don't want anything from you."

He didn't reply just waited for her to take him there. They'd tailored him as soon as they'd come but that had been a week ago. With the ball preparations in full swing — his tailoring was beginning to fade. She had tried to come to that first tailoring to give Genya some moral support but Genya had asked her not to. 

She had wanted to do it alone, apparently even Luda hadn't been allowed. Their relationship baffled her. This woman was powerful, she assumed that part of her story had been true. The way Luda spoke to him — she held no fear of him. But it wasn't even that, it was the way he looked at her. As if he looked away she'd disappear again. He didn't touch her but Zoya had seen his fingers reach for her when he thought no one was watching. He'd looked at Alina like that but there had been a desperation there, a madness to it. However, with Luda here he seemed almost content, balanced even.

They'd come to her rooms quickly and she let him in. He walked into her rooms and stilled. 

"The skylight is a nice touch."

"Just get your things."

She wanted to call him Darkling or Aleksander, but neither seemed right on her tongue. So she called him nothing. She watched as he moved around the room. Her skin crawled being this close to him, thankfully he didn't touch her bed or things. Besides, as she kept reminding herself — he was Otkazat'sya, he couldn't hurt her anymore. He finally stopped moving and knelt just under the window, just next to where her desk was. He cut his finger and she moved forward her hands up. 

He looked at her, his face impassive. 

"Do you want me to get my things or not Zoya?"

"I've seen what Maven can do with blood, why did you cut yourself Darkling?"

"It is keyed to me, you think I'd use a lock when the old ways work so much better?"

She lowered her hands just a bit but narrowed her eyes. 

"One wrong move and I will grab the air from you, or maybe I'll electrocute you."

He hummed and nodded turning back to the wall. He began to draw, Maven and Juris had been trying to teach her. But the runes all blurred together, she did notice they flared with light as he finished each one. 

"Why do they flare silver and not purple like Maven's do?"

"It's tied to our bloodline, Maven's descended from the sky and I from the moon."

He said it so nonchalantly, almost gently. She was thrown back to when he'd sit with her class and tell them about all the saints. He'd been so patient and answered every question they'd had. Had it all been a lie? The ruthless, obsessive man he'd been in the end — had that been his true self?

Her mind refocused on him as he pulled out a perfectly square section off the wall. He set it to the side and exhaled slowly, as if preparing himself for whatever he was going to find. The air pressure began to drop in the room but he didn’t seem to notice.

He reached into the square hole and began to gently set the items down on the floor next to him. Her concentration completely broke as she realized what they were, children’s toys — old by the looks of it. She couldn’t keep herself from speaking, the implication of them too hard for her to wrap her mind around.

"Why do you have — are they trophies from the first Otkazat’sya family you killed?" 

He didn’t stop what he was doing, his voice still held that gentle patience.

"These were my children’s toys."

He didn’t elaborate and Zoya wanted to just ignore the sudden questions cramming in her mind. But none of this made sense — he had a wife, children. He’d been normal — so what had happened?

"What happened to them?"

"I won a king his war and he killed my family as a reward…they were so young, they deserved the world."

She swallowed and looked away, she had nothing to say to that — what could she even say? 

"They died before the Fold went up?"

"Their deaths are the reason I made it. I - I was content once Zoya. I was happy with my little corner of the world. I helped Grigori find other Grisha to save, I smuggled them to The Sanctuary for a new life. I - I went home to them every night the most I was away from them was week-"

"You know that pain so how could you destroy families? How could you do what happened to you to others?"

He turned to look at her, meeting the anger in her with his calm. 

"Because their lives, their potential matters more than anyone’s else’s life. Victor had the makings of a tracker in him, Nicola had — she could have been an acclaimed scholar. Why should I care for an Otkazat’sya family when all they’d amount to could never measure to the lifetimes I should have had with my own? I was robbed of lifetimes of happiness Zoya. Perhaps if I had had my children by my side I’d be a little less…mad or obsessive or whatever word you and Genya whisper about when you both think I can’t hear. The King let me live — that general laughed as he slaughtered my family, they should have killed me when they had the chance. I lived and I intended to make everyone regret it — they cast me as the monsters and I did what monsters do best, wrought destruction."

"So what, you’re biding your time till you have a plan to cause another Civil War?"

Why was she engaging with this? Why was she allowing him to keep talking?

He sneered at her and slowly rose, she raised her hands the wind picking up around them. All he did though was place the toys and books he’d taken from his hole on her desk. He ran his thumb over the spine of one of the books.

"Luda doesn’t ask much from me, she wants to help — she thinks Nikolai will be someone who could do great things with Grisha. If he had someone to guide and teach him. I can’t — call it weakness, call it stupidity, but I cannot part from her again. So for however long she wishes to engage in this futility I will stay my hand, I will help her. All I want now is her by my side, that’s the thing about being a Otkazat’sya - it puts everything into perspective. If I only have 20 or 30 years left do any of my other goals matter? If I am not getting my power back the least I want is to spend my last years with her."

Zoya blinked, surprised by his confession — by his actual honesty to anything. She frowned and looked at the toys, at the book he was still running his thumb over.

"If that’s all you want why are you making her cry? I saw her this morning why-"

"This is the week she died, this is the week our children were slaughtered, this is the anniversary of when I made The Fold. She asked me if I remember and I said I did, I said I went back and got some of our things. She was crying because she was happy I still felt anything after so long — she was crying in relief that she didn’t have to mourn alone. Now, will you get me a box or basket to take these things back to my rooms? I don’t want you touching any of this."

He could move her with words and still make her want to throttle him. She grabbed an unused box from the barracks outside her door. She gave it to him and silently watched as he began to arrange the things in the box. 

"Morozova Journals?"

"Hmm? No, a mix of her notebooks for different healing ideas and personal journals talking about her hopes and fears for the future. At least that’s what I assume are written in them, I never checked."

Zoya didn’t have any more questions, she walked him back to his rooms and watched as he arranged the box on the table. She shut the door behind her and exhaled softly. She still didn’t trust him, she doubted she ever would. But now she had a weakness - a thread she could dangle if he ever tried to get out of line again. She let herself smile, it was nice to have something over The Darkling.

[greensaplinggrace]

What Is There To Celebrate About the Darkling? (Part 4)

1 2 3 4

He’s calculating but impulsive. Gentle yet firm. Stubborn and adaptive. Just a real mess of contradictions that makes him all the more interesting.

He loves nature. He loves the forest.

Fond of luxuries and nice things. After growing up as he did, I think he deserves them.

Very socially awkward. Introvert just trying his best. Anything that isn’t manipulation and therefore something he’s planned in his head is just a social train wreck waiting to happen.

The way he pushes up Alina’s sleeve when they first meet. This man had zero compunctions about acting completely unprofessionally in front of his soldiers and I think that’s very sexy of him.

He’s constantly tired and exasperated with the people around him.

The way he says “quiet” with the softest voice imaginable and a room full of laughter instantly goes silent.

He had no interest in Elizaveta even though she was utterly obsessed with him and I think that’s hilarious.

Elizaveta: I have a plan to resurrect the Darkling Everybody Else: Oh the Darkling is so evil for trying to come back! The Darkling, who just wants a nap and is sick of this mortal bullshit: Why am I even here? This is such a pain in the ass. I should have killed Elizaveta when I had the chance.

How he asks if Alina “will have” his name like a man proposing.

Has his bedroom attached to the war room.

Constantly checking up on Alina just to know how she’s doing. Never pushing her beyond her limits as she’s training.

Very creative with his shadows and the extent of their abilities. So many of the ways he uses his powers are genius.

His ending in RoW is a tragedy and an injustice. He deserves better.

This old man pouting at Alina in episode seven as he says “please, I just want to talk to you 🥺”

There is a black kefta made for Alina after like two days in the Little Palace. He really was already planning their entire immortal futures together as Mr. and Mrs. Starkov wasn’t he?

His bed is covered in maps and notes when he’s plotting how to find Alina. Also before that, the way he’s poring over the notes at his desk and giving orders is 👌🥵

Him acting like a real General at all is simply amazing.

The fact that he trusts Luda with his life. That they have a whole intimidation routine set up around him purposefully getting himself fatally injured knowing she’ll heal him.

He looks like a vampire in the show and a fae in the books.

His favorite ABBA song is probably “Lay All Your Love On Me.”

Looks composed but that’s only a façade. Is actually an unhinged feral terror of pain and misery.

That scene where he tells the king she will remain in the Little Palace to train undisturbed and he puts his foot down. ON THE RED CARPET. the king’s carpet. and uses a commanding voice that’s just on the edge of an order…I’m surprised he didn’t get flogged for that. IMO nothing conveys the fine line he walks with those in power while wielding his own like this scene. Literally he should just be celebrated for this alone.

“‘Why won’t you leave me alone?’ I whispered one night as he hovered behind me while I tried to work at my desk. Long minutes passed. I didn’t think he would answer. I even had time to hope he might have gone, until I felt his hand on my shoulder. “Then I’d be alone, too,” he said, and he stayed the whole night through, till the lamps burned down to nothing.

Trapped a bunch of Saints in the Shadow Fold like a true amoral disaster villain. What an icon.

His barely concealed amusement and half hidden smile when Alina comes to put his kefta on. The way he finds Alina utterly hilarious and tries so hard to act like he doesn’t.

That small amused smile when Alina jokes about finding Volcra hilarious. Please he’s so adorable 😭

“‘I know what you feel when you’re with the tracker,’ he said. ‘I doubt that’ He gave a dismissive wave.” - My Malarklina obsessed self, vibrating at the edge of my seat: but what does it mean?!?

Mal and the Darkling’s entire fight in the Fold: dumbass on dumbass violence.

The way he stands with his back turned to Alina when she enters his tent the first time they meet and then does the slowest Godfather turn in history. 1999/10 - points removed for a criminal lack of cat petting.

“I may lead the second army, but the king is still the king.” - the delivery of that line. the implications, the history behind it and also the foreshadowing for his plans.

That slow turn face reveal in episode one though. Like okay we get it you’re pretty alkjsdflkj

Confused Old Man Face™ whenever Mal or Alina do anything remotely defiant in his presence.

How he tells Alina to come closer and she only takes the tiniest step and he doesn’t even react.

His little head cock whenever someone says or does something that just doesn’t vibe with him.

Darklina tumblr has now convinced me that the Darkling is a cat in human form.

“You’re an amplifier,” she said. He glanced at where Sylvi was pouncing on another helpless tree, oblivious, and gave a single, frightened nod. How could he have been so stupid? He would have to tell his mother now, and she would insist that they leave right away. If word got out, they’d both be in danger. Amplifiers were rare, hard to find, harder to hunt. Their lives would be forfeit. Even if they got away, word would spread. He could already hear his mother’s voice: Foolish, careless, callous. If you don’t value your own life, show some concern for mine. Annika touched his sleeve. “It’s okay,” she said. “I won’t tell.” Panic crowded in. He shook his head. She slid her hand into his. It was hard not to pull away. He should. He was breaking his mother’s fundamental rule for keeping them both alive. Never let them touch you, she’d warned him. - 😥 I just want to give him a hug all the time.

His strangled shout when Mal tackles him off of the skiff.

His smile when he’s summoning the sun. The expression on his face when he does so. Like I know I’ve mentioned this before but damn. If you ever needed a reason to celebrate him, this would be it.

“Shame, I’ll have to give that speech again now.”

The way he flips Mal over his shoulder in the Fold after Mal attempts to strangle him.

His little lecture on the Small Science to Alina when they’re going to meet the King. Info dump.

“You make it sound so easy.” “A bird makes flight look easy. But it was born to do so.”

When Alina looks at him for guidance on whether or not to remove her veil and he gives her a small nod.

The handhold in the throne room after Alina’s demonstration is absolutely precious, but it’s in a room full of people he should be keeping up a façade for and it’s so unwarranted and yet he does it anyway, I’m-

The way he says “welcome home, Ms. Starkov,” in the most tender voice I’ve ever heard and then goes “ok that’s enough emotions for one day” and then just straight up leaves without even a goodbye.

He has his symbol?? Sewn into Alina’s kefta??? bRo???!?!

Disaster Simp never gets tired of introducing Alina to other people or talking about how she’s the best thing that ever walked this earth.

The Darkling lying: honestly

“I have devoted my life to undoing the great sin of my forebearer, but I am never seen as the solution. Only as a reminder of the problem.” Sasha you were literally the problem. What a manipulative little shit. We love to see it.

The way he closes his eyes and kisses the coin before he makes a wish at the wishing well.

“I think the Grand Palace is the ugliest building I’ve ever seen.” - I love him your honor.

This man has the most intense lines for Alina. Like straight up I would have booked it when he said “you and I are going to change the world”. But then the head grab?! “I’ve been waiting a long time for you.” He’s so intense like sir can you tone it down a bit please I am begging you.

“I shall be right by your side.” / “We can do anything. Together.” / “For us.” / “You cannot do this on your own. And neither can I” / “I want you to know my name. The name I was given, not the title I took for myself. Will you have it, Alina?” - WEDDING VOWS

That scene in the war room when Alina comes to find him and he instantly drops his guard and lowers his arms and welcomes her with a soft voice.

“Am I bothering you?” “Not at all.” - girl you could be stabbing him in the chest and you still wouldn’t be bothering him.

This whipped disaster sounds like the proudest man on the planet when he talks about how much more his enemies fear Alina over him.

His shadows react to his emotions.

“YoUr’E nOt IvAn.” asjlkdfjs god he’s so embarrassing.

Local Dark Lord Sasha offering Alina the throne after she literally tries to kill him.

He gets so jealous of Mal.

Has a great relationship with his soldiers and his men. His men trust him implicitly and believe him to be an amazing general.

When he turns around after Alina puts the kefta on him and looks flustered/has to take a breath because she’s a lot closer than he expected. The way he’s breathless and literally can’t string a sentence together because he’s so distracted by her closeness.

His jokes are absolutely terrible.

GF: *jokes about throwing herself down the stairs to get out of an event* Sasha “no thoughts head empty only Alina” Morozova: haha I’d just have my healers heal you right back up again.

How genuinely touched he is by Alina admitting to wanting to help Grisha and Ravkans.

That scene in Demon in the Woods when he notices the intricate details of the politics in the Grisha camp after one meeting with the Elders. He has the Ulle pegged almost instantly.

Born to be a leader. Born to take care of others. Born to protect. Even in Demon in the Woods he’s protecting people. Even in Demon in the Woods he’s leading them and caring for them.

The way he cups his hands around Alina’s face when they’re kissing.

This man gets so starstruck by Alina walking into the Fete that he doesn’t even excuse himself from the King’s side to go to her.

Long haired Aleksander rights!

Ok I know the wig was kind of ugly but he looks pretty with long hair and I think it would look very good on him naturally.

The way he slams his hands together in the Winter Fete scene and instantly turns the room pitch black.

Literally any times he summons shadows is a blessing and we should all celebrate him for it. They are so beautiful. On god if I ever saw his shadows in real life I would be awestruck.

He asks Mal if he’s okay when they first meet.

The pure, barely contained fury directed at the Conductor for daring to harm Alina and kidnap his Grisha.

He always has to make a grand entrance.

This man is like a bloodhound when it comes to Nina. He is very invested in finding her and I feel like that’s never really talked about.

“I know exactly how she felt. The King’s soldiers treated me the same way. Because they knew- they knew that I was more important than any of them.” - the way he says it, like it’s something he has to remind himself of in his head constantly. a justification for the way he’s been treated, the fear he evokes in others. a way to protect himself from the hurt of being ostracized and reviled. arrogance and conceit as a defense against emotional harm.

Also the way his face instantly changes after that, like he’s said too much. vulnerability. lowering his eyes. shifting his eyes. literally just everything about this scene makes me love him all the more.

Dark carriage rides up to the Crows’ hiding place. Grisha circle the area as Aleksander steps from the carriage slowly, dressed all in black, floofy cloak high on his shoulders. Villain Entrance™

Him slowly pulling a knife out of his chest like it shouldn’t have killed him is hot as fuck and also totally badass. Big dick energy.

“I’ve had enough of your lies.” “And what lies are those?” - Alina, pulling out a fifty mile long scroll of grievances: Well, for starters-

This man is literally just an Alina Starkov compliments machine.

He cares so much about the Grisha and their protection. He loves Ravka and his people so much.

He had an entire cult dedicated to him.

“They would approach him. They always did. But he felt more anxious than usual. He’d stopped trying to make friends in the places he and his mother visited—there was no point when they moved on so quickly. Now he wasn’t quite sure how to go about it.”

Save a Villain. Murder the King.

Openly admits to staging a coup like it’s the most natural thing in the world.

He speaks so slowly. He moves so slowly. Everything he does has to have Purpose and Gravitas.

Theater Nerd™

He knew Nikolai for years and yet couldn’t recognize him as Sturmhond. We do stan an oblivious icon 💕

The Darkling after he gets his ass whooped in Siege and Storm: Mom can you please come pick me up? I’m scared!

He’s here to manipulate sun summoners and murder cities. And unfortunately he’s all out of sun summoners.

Would absolutely get drunk on real alcohol. This man thinks kvas is strong liquor.

Has his wrists exposed exactly one time in the most skin he’s shown all season and it’s when Alina visits him at night in the war room. WHORE!

Was too emotionally slutty and fell for Alina. RIP.

He’s passionate and cold and beautiful and hurt and twisted up in ways nobody could ever hope to understand and he’s stunning.

I would literally kill for this man 🖤✨

[nikkzwrites]

Yesterday Once More | Dark Fix-It Fic Series | Chapter 7

A/N: This fic is one that I started with my OC because honestly, I personally didn’t like how season 3 ended. So I am rewriting all of Dark with my OC Annalise Dahlheim. I hope you all like it. Some things will be expanded more on just for more depth to Dark that season 3 kinda skipped over so…. yeah.

CW: Canon Typical Triggers: Smoking, Sex, Language, Drugs, Drinking, Death, Violence, Suicide Mentions, Cutting, Violence.

Word Count:  3.7k

[First Chapter] [Previous Chapter] [Next Chapter]

Helge woke up in a child’s themed room. It was blue with foxes and hedgehogs. A very weird chair sat in the middle. The young boy studied it as his ear bled. This was the memory old Helge woke up to that morning. It helped him remember everything.

Jonas woke up in an enclosed log deer stand. He checked to see if the letter was still with him before he climbed down and started on his journey to go find Mikkel. He first needed to start at the school. He saw a frizzy-haired brunette in the hall sitting by herself in the hall. He decided she was probably the best to ask, “What day is it today?”

“Pardon?” Regina pulled off her headphones.

Jonas repeated, “What day is it today?”

“November 9th,” She answered.

Jonas sighed and admitted, “I know this sounds crazy, but what year?”

“1986,” She shook her head in confusion. Jonas thanked her and started to walk away, but got called back by the girl, “Wait! Are you looking for someone?”

Jonas stared at the girl confused on how she would know this, “Yeah. A friend. Michael Kahnwald.”

Regina shook her head, “Never heard of him.”

“Ines Kahnwald’s son,” He tried to clarify.

“The nurse,” Regina asked. She shook her head, “She doesn’t have any children.”

Defeated, Jonas then asked, “Do you know where I can find Ines?”

Regina reached for her bag after hearing the bell, “The hospital probably.” She smiled at him, “Well, see you.” As she tried to leave, she got pushed and bullied.

Jonas stared. His heart went out to his friend’s mother. She, in some way, reminded him of his Annalise. She was kind, sweet, and would help out a random stranger. He wondered silently if that’s why his best friend was always giving Annalise a hard time. He shook his head, he couldn’t focus on that right now. He had to make it to find Mikkel then get home.

Egon sat in his office when he got the file from his superior about the power plant. He sat and silently wondered if Ulrich was involved at all in this.

In the present, Ulrich looked around in the files about Mads scattered in Mikkel’s room as if like a summoning circle that he could get all the information from some specter.

Woller, at the same time, walked into Charlotte’s office with the power plant search warrant. Charlotte quickly hung up the phone and grabbed it to head to the power plant.

At the same time 33 years ago, Egon drove to the power plant. He was greeted with the face of Helge. Just the man he wanted to see.

“Anything I can help you with,” Helge asked with a smile.

Egon shook his head, “It’s about the missing Nielsen boy. The night he disappeared, you were on your shift, right?”

Helge looked as if he needed to think back, but honestly, he was just confused and concerned that the man had found out about him, “Yes.”

“Martin wants to document and corroborate the routines and times of everyone who was near here that night,” Egon explained to the man.

Helge nodded in understanding. He checked his watch then told the police officer, “I have to do my rounds and check the blocks now.”

Egon nodded, “Okay, let’s arrange a time you can stop by the station then.”

Helge stared out into space for a moment then asked, “The day after tomorrow?”

“Tuesday?”

“Is 10:30, okay?” Helge asked the man.

Egon nodded, “That works. Sorry for the trouble.”

Helge shook his head and chuckled, “It’s no trouble. I just didn’t see anything. What I mean is… Everything was totally normal.”

Egon nodded and asked, “Your shift ended at six?”

Helge nodded, “Yes, that’s when the night shift starts.”

“Did you take your car,” Egon asked.

Helge nodded, “I took the state road.”

Egon looked up confused, “Were you heading somewhere else? Because you took the state road instead. Isn’t the forest road shorter?”

“Yeah,” Helge conceded, “I just picked something up for my father.” Helge nodded towards the officer and said, “I’ll see you Tuesday.”

Egon interrupted the other man’s leaving and said, “One more question. Did you see his brother anywhere that day? The older Nielsen boy, Ulrich.”

Helge shook his head, “Nope. Til Tuesday.” He closed the gate. 

In 2019, Ulrich spotted this note in Egon’s day planner.

Aleksander walked out followed by a bunch of armed guards. Charlotte stared at him annoyed. She really did not enjoy this show of force. She held up the warrant for him to see. Aleksander, without a word, motioned for the guards to open the gates for her and her crew.

Hannah slowly pulled herself away from Annalise and out of bed. The rain and thunder had woken her up from her deep slumber.  She walked into the kitchen and started to make breakfast. She was happy that she hadn’t woken the girl up yet. And as much as she loved her son, she was glad to be able to talk to Annalise alone. The woman slowly brought breakfast to her bedside. Hannah sat on the edge of the bed and gently rubbed Annalise’s shoulder, ���Hey. Annalise.”

Annalise shook herself awake. She looked at the woman smiling down at her. Annalise smiled, “Oh is Jonas home?” Annalise sat up and yawned.

“No,” she explained, “But I think he will be back very soon.” She cupped her cheek gently then pulled away to motion to the food, “I actually made you breakfast. To thank you for being in Jonas and I’s life.”

Annalise smiled gently. She gave the woman a hug. The girl asked, “Can I stay with you until he gets back...I…”

Hannah smiled, “If that’s what you want, but I don’t think Ulrich will come back to hurt me.” She pet the girl’s head and said, “You have a large heart. You remind me very much of my husband, because of this, I can tell you love my Jonas very much. Thank you so much. We both need someone like that in our lives again.”

Back in 1986, Jonas walked through the rain trying to get to the hospital. He was just following the road huddled beneath his yellow raincoat. He started to panic when the police car had noticed him.

Egon, seeing a boy walking through the rain, couldn’t just leave the boy there. He lowered his window and asked, “Can I help you?” He watched the boy shake his head. Then Egon asked, “Shouldn’t you be in school?”

Jonas tried to quickly come up with an excuse, “I’m sick.”

Egon nodded and said, “You look fine to me.”

“I hurt my arm,” Jonas tried to come up with a cover, “I’m headed to the hospital.”

Egon nodded and motioned to the boy, “Get in. I’ll drive you there.”

As Ulrich tried to investigate more in the 33-year-old files of Mads, he noticed that Helge had no statement about what had happened that night. He then called Charlotte and explained. “Did you know that in 1986 your father-in-law was to be interviewed in my brother’s case?”

“No,” Charlotte said tailing the canvassing team. 

Ulrich then told her, “I searched through all the files. Helge was supposed to be questioned on Tuesday, November 11, 1986. Exactly 33 years ago, from the day after tomorrow. But there is no statement. He didn’t show. There’s just a note. ‘Why not forest road?’”

“So you think Helge abducted Mads in 1986,” She asked the man, “And now Mikkel and the other boys 33 years later?”

“Where is he now,” Ulrich asked.

“In a nursing home Ulrich!” She sighed, “He’s 75 years old. He has dementia and the evening Mikkel disappeared, Helge was with me.”

Ulrich argued, “But the evening before Yasin vanished, Woller found Helge in the forest.”

“And took him back to the nursing home,” Charlotte cried, getting annoyed. He was sounding more and more paranoid with every passing day.

“Somehow this all has to do with Mads,” Ulrich claimed.

Charlotte shook her head, “You are barking up the wrong tree.”

“Maybe,” Ulrich admitted, “but maybe not.” He ended up hanging up on his boss.

Charlotte turned, noticing a route through the field that went into another part in the woods. She started to follow it to try and figure out more.

Jonas rode in the car with Egon. He was honestly just wondering how his mother and Annalise were holding up with him suddenly gone without much of a word. Did Lise think he was out with Martha right after having everything happened? Was she wondering when he was going to be home? Was she cry-

“What’s your name,” Egon asked, pulling the boy from his thoughts.

“Jonas,” he said without much thought as he turned to the man.

Egon then asked, “And why didn’t you have your parents drive you?”

Jonas shrugged, “My mom is at work. My dad’s dead.”

Egon then asked, “Where does your mother work?”

“At the power plant,” Jonas explained knowing that was an easy out for him.

Egon nodded, “The power plant has changed Winden. This place used to look different.” He looked towards the boy for a second, “What’s that there?”

Jonas pulled out his earbuds from out his pocket and showed it to him, “Earphones.”

Egon laughed, “Those aren’t earphones.”

“You just put them in your ears,” Jonas explained.

Egon shook his head, “Now I’ve seen it all.”

In 2019, Charlotte ended up following the path. She found the gated cavern that Claudia herself was once led to. She knew she had to talk to Aleksander about this.

Egon, soon, pulled up at the hospital just 33 years prior. He let Jonas out of the car, but not before asking, “Among you teenagers, Is Satanism a thing right now?”

Jonas laughed. “No idea,” He was so grateful for the laugh before he realized the officer was serious. He shook his head and replied, “No, I don’t know. I don’t think so.”

Egon then advised, “Call your mom to pick you up, it isn’t the best time to be walking through the woods alone right now.”

Jonas nodded. He exited the car thanking the officer. He slid his bag back on his back before walking into the hospital. He walked to one of the nurses and explained, “I am looking for Ines Kahnwald.”

“She was just outside with the boy,” She explained.

Jonas shook his head, “What boy?”

Her brows furrowed. She studied the boy, “What do you want Ines for?”

“I am visiting and I locked myself out,” He lied.

She shook her head, “Ines didn’t mention a visitor. Are you related?”

“Yes,” Jonas said, “You could say that.”

She motioned towards the back doors, “Maybe she’s still out back. Otherwise, I’ll tell her when I see her.”

Jonas shook his head, “No, I don’t want to be in any trouble.”

33 years after that encounter, Ulrich snuck into Helge’s room. He walked over to the man to whisper to try and wake up the older gentleman. When Helge woke up, Ulrich introduced himself, “My name is Ulrich Nielsen. I am a police officer. Don’t be scared. I just want to ask you a few questions.”

Helge started to panic seeing the man he had nightmares every night since he was a child. He started to shake his head terrified.

“In 1986, a boy from Winden Vanished,” Ulrich stated ignoring Helge’s reactions, “Mads Nielsen. Do you remember? You were summoned to the station for questioning but there’s no transcript. What does ‘Why not forest road’ mean?”

The heart monitor screamed out of control for a nurse to check in on the older man. A nurse finally burst in to see Ulrich leaning over the man repeating the question over and over while Helge just tried to communicate. She walked over to the man and asked, “What are you doing here?”

“It’s him,” cried Helge.

Ulrich tried to explain, “I am a cop. I want to ask a few questions.”

Helge struggled out the words, “I know you!”

“What did you say,” Ulrich asked as the nurse tried to pull him away from Helge.

“I can change it,” Helge mumbled, “I can change the past and the future.”

The nurse called out to try and get someone else to help her remove Ulrich from Helge’s room so that Helge could continue living in peace. 

“What did you say,” Ulrich asked as the nurses soon surrounded him and started to carry him out, “Where’s Mikkel? Where’s my son?! Where’s Mikkel?”

Meanwhile, in 1986, Jonas walked out the back trying to find Ines so that she could help clear everything up. That is when he spotted them, the younger version of his grandmother and there next to her sat Mikkel. Behind him, the older Jonas, scarred and rugged by his many adventures through time, stated, “How little we understand of the world.”

Jonas turned to him and asked, “Is this real? Or am I crazy, just like my father? Do you even exist? Or are you the hallucination of a lunatic?”

“You are not crazy,” the wiser Jonas stated, “Neither was your father. Sometimes it’s hard for us to grasp things that go against all that we are conditioned to believe. How do you think people felt the first time they were told that the Earth was round?”

Jonas swallowed, “Yes it is. It’s totally insane.”

“And if it’s not?” the older him refuted back.

“How can that be,” Jonas asked with an insane smile on his face, “Is there a breach in time in the cave? So Mikkel hangs out here until he becomes my father?” He must have hit his head in the caves.

The older Jonas, annoyed, replied, “Even if you don’t want to believe it, that is your father.”

Distraught, Jonas looked back at the younger boy and said, “That means...That Ulrich is my grandfather and…”

“Martha is your aunt,” the man who went through this before replied.

Jonas growled, “That’s bullshit.” He was growing more and more annoyed. None of this was right. He just wanted to go home and have everything go back to normal. Martha and he doing this weird dance along the edges. “I’m taking him back and putting this right,” Jonas spitefully spat at his older self.

Knowing exactly what his younger self was thinking, Stranger Jonas pushed Jonas against the back of the car, “Don’t you get it?! If you take Mikkel back, you’ll be meddling in the course of events. Your father will never meet your mother, they won’t fall in love or get married. And you won’t be born! If you take him back now, you’ll be erasing your own existence. The role you play in all of this is much bigger than you think.” He pulled away thinking of a moment that will come to pass for his younger self not too far into his future. His heart ached as he explained tearfully, “But every decision for something is a decision against something else.” He panted as the memory unfolded for him. He could tell his younger self wouldn’t understand but was still terrified at the implications. He further explained, “A life for a life.” He started to calm himself as he asked, “What will you decide?” He wished that the outcome would change, but he knew it wouldn’t. If it had, then he wouldn’t be here as he was with a memory that would haunt him forever and a necklace in his pocket to keep her close to him.

Jonas tearfully watched as the older version of himself walked away. He then turned to watch Mikkel continue eating the green jello Ines had gotten for him. 

Charlotte sat on her desk in 2019 as she scolded Ulrich. Ulrich only used this to explain his, correct, theory that the dead boy, Mikkel, and the other disappearances had something to do with Helge. Charlotte tried to sympathize with him, but there was no feasible way this had anything to do with her father-in-law. 

Back in 1986, Helge opened up his glove compartment and grabbed the raider bar out so he could eat it.

Mikkel, himself, got hungry around the same time, so he hobbled his way down the hall to the vending machine. 

Jonas quickly followed in toe to watch Mikkel. He wasn’t completely convinced not to do anything. He was just about to approach when he saw the younger version of his mother walking up to the boy. Jonas quickly stood back just out of sight to watch. He could see them talking. He wondered if anyone had come back to do the same for him. He pulled out the letter and stared at it. Jonas then decided that he knew what he had to do.

Helge walked to the bunker. He looked around to make sure no one followed him before going inside.

Jonas crawled his way through the caves back home. He, then, made his way into his home. He snuck in quietly without anyone noticing. He wanted to first visit his mother. He walked over to her bedroom to notice something strange. There was a smaller body on the side closer towards the door. There, fast asleep, lay Annalise. He blinked for a second before shaking his head and going to his mother’s side.

Hannah, feeling a dip in the bed, quickly jolted awake. She groaned a bit expecting it to be the girl, but instead saw her son sitting there. He was dirty and sweaty, but he was finally home. “Boy, you startled me,” Hannah complained in a hushed tone to make sure she didn’t wake Annalise, “Where were you?”

Jonas just stared at his mother. He didn’t know what to say, or do for that matter. 

“What’s wrong,” Hannah asked, sitting up more in her bed.

Jonas stared at her and asked, “Do you believe in fate?”

Hannah looked down thinking about how to best answer this question. She had never lied to Jonas before, so she really wasn’t going to start now, “I… I don’t know. Maybe it’s my fate that men leave me.”

Jonas stared at his mother in sorrow. He hated seeing his mother like this. He silently wondered if something had happened while he was gone. “I think Dad loved you very much,” Jonas told her.

Both of them stared at each other, tears filled their eyes as they thought back to Michael. Jonas slowly pulled his mother into a hug and held her as she started to sob. This woke up Annalise.

The girl was so excited to see Jonas back home that she nearly pounced to give him a hug, but then she heard it. Their soft weeping. She slowly sat onto her heels and waited for them to be done. When they pulled away, Jonas looked towards the girl. She gave him a warm, tender smile before motioning up to say she was going to head upstairs.

Jonas nodded and mouthed that he would see her there in a moment. First, he had something he needed to do. The boy shut himself in his father’s studio with a bucket in front of him. He pulled out the letter and a lighter. Jonas deliberately set it aflame and dropped it into the metal bucket. He started to cry knowing that he was just destroying one of the last offerings of his father. He felt his presence in his life start to fade as the letter burned.

Ulrich walked into Helge’s room to find him missing. He looked around hoping to find a clue to where he had gone. There on the table rested that clue. ‘The Journey Through Time’ by H.G. Tannhaus with a necklace made of a coin from 1986 tied with a red sting. He knew he was on the right path. Hearing someone close a car door far too easily, Ulrich checked the window. That was when he noticed the sliding door was open. He walked out to see Helge pacing his way to the caves. Ulrich quickly called Charlotte and updated her letting her know that Helge was a time traveller. He watched as Helge went to the crossing and followed him.

While 1986 Helge climbed out of the bunker with the poor boy’s body. He dragged the body to the caves while Noah cleaned the floor. His back tattooed with Sic Mundus’s mark. 

After he burned the letter, Jonas changed into his sleeping outfit. He looked to his bed. When he saw that Annalise wasn’t there, he crept down the hall to find her in her bedroom. The boy gently knocked on the door to let her know that he was there.

Annalise sat up more in the small bed. She watched him. Jonas didn’t have to say anything. She knew what he wanted, what he needed. She moved closer to the wall so that he could crawl in with her. When he didn’t quite move, Annalise tilted her head but moved more to the other side so he could have the wall side.

Jonas slowly made his way into the bed after she crawled to the side he wanted her on. Tears ran down his face. He adored that he didn’t have to talk with her. Somehow she just knew. He rest his head on her pillow and turned to his side so that he could hold her close to him. He pulled her to him leaving little space between them. As he clung onto her, he grieved and bawled into her pillow. 

Annalise stiffened up as she felt him pull her so close to him. Not that she didn’t want to spoon with him, she just didn’t expect him to do so. She reached behind her and stroked his head. She lowly started to shush him, her voice staying hushed and compassionate to help calm him. Annalise didn’t know how long it was, but she kept caressing him and calming him until he had fallen asleep. His whimpering slowly turned to tempoed breathing. His hold never let up though. It was as if he was clinging onto the last possible string of hope he had in the world.

[amiramorozova]

Tidemaker & Tracker, Dual Summoner & Darkling  pt. 8

Amira's pov:

Father was agreeing to the General's terms which was something but this man I'd actually slept with..and I'd enjoyed every minute of it. My purity and innocence was gone and my father had given me quite the lecture about it..since this man was my Grisha soulmate and the black heretic.

I stood up after they finished the agreement for the General to court me. My mind went back to yesterday when he took my virginity with my consent how I'd begged him to and just the thought of it I felt wet between my legs. The idea of having him like that again was making me want to but before I could say anything he stood up. Aleksander took my hand and kissed the top of it. "Why don't you change?

I was shocked but then I was thinking of what he had in mind "Anything in particular I should wear?" I asked as he leaned close and whispered "Something simple..we're going back." He said as I blushed a bit but I was able to hide it easily. I walked back to change into something nice and came back out before he was ready for me to go with him. After that my dad walked over and hugged me as I hugged him back. "If he does anything you don't want..tell me." He whispered

I nod but I knew exactly where I was going as I walked out of the house with him seeing my sister and Nico. Sierra walked over and hugged me as she seen I was dressed up nicely. "Where are you going?" Sierra asked as I smiled. "I am going out but I'll be back." I said as I looked at Nico "Watch her please." "You got it Mira." Nico said as Sierra just looked at me but I nod as I removed her.

I smiled at Nico before I walked to the carriage and the doors were opened as I got in and soon he joined me making sure I sat with him as we left.  I relaxed once the door was closed "What exactly are you thinking showing up at my home confronting my parents like that?!" I said finally breaking out of the behavior I had been in. I knew we were soulmates but this was still ridiculous. "I gave your father the option and he knew if I involve the King your hand is forced to practice everyday." He said as he put a hand under my chin as I had to remind myself not to be that girl who got distracted by a man being handsome.

"You're the most powerful Grisha...surely you are just amused by my presence." I said as I tried to ignore how my body felt. I reminded myself I did not love this man, yet I did sleep with him under the influence of that drink. I felt his thumb lightly rub my cheek as he knew just what to do. "Your powerful too Amira, power is worthy of power...you are my equal. The saints know it and I think you know it too. I don't think your choice yesterday was entirely the drink we both had." He said

"I.." Before I could say anything the carriage stopped signaling we'd arrived as he opened the door and we got out. I knew I owed him an answer but he had me look at him as he moved my hair where my soulmate mark would be so I wouldn't have to. Then we walked in without  another word as the man checked us and gave us the vip again.

Sierra's pov:

I was curious on what was going on with everything that just happened, my sister..my twin just left with her Grisha soulmate in a dress. So Nicolas and I walked in the house seeing my parnets were talking quietly when they seen me and Nicolas. "What in saints is going on? You let Amira leave with the General?" I asked as I knew that could mean a few things.

"I..don't have a choice." Father said as he seemed to contemplate what to say next as he stood up. "I let him court your sister or he's going to take her to the little palace. A choice had to be made so I let him court your sister...I think he's taking her back to the Grisha night club." Those words leaving my father's lips were shocking but Amira had admitted to me what she'd done. I knew better than anyone but I kept my sister's secrets though it wasn't really one since father knew too. "Father..he might..she might.." I started but dad nod. "I know but she is an adult, I cannot tell her that she can't go and if I deny him to see her then he'll involve the King to make your mother's promise...we'll lose all connection to Amira but letters whenever she has time." Father said

Nicolas's pov:

Watching her all dressed up to go out only to see him walking behind her, the black General and see them walk to his carriage as she got in. She didn't seem to be reacting much but she had a smile when she talked as she wanted Sierra protected. She was that person, the one who protected those who were weaker than her. She was perfect...so why wasn't she chosen by the saints to be mine?

I saw it on her neck as her hair moved the color black..she was his, his to claim if he solely wanted to. After they left we walked in and I stood there listening to the conversation between Sierra and her father on why Amira left. My eyes widened hearing the ultimatum that the black General had given them.  So that was why Mira had gone with him...because he was courting her now. I looked at Sierra as I saw she was panicking and on instinct I put an arm around her.

I can't explain it..I feel like I should protect her. But she's a Grisha tidemaker..and I'm human. I thought  

Tidemaker..I should have linked it but I didn't, my soulmate was right here before me but I was a jerk and obsessing over her twin sister who only seen me as a friend. Sierra though calmed down with my arm around her and that was good enough for me for now. "Nico come on." She said as she went to change but then came back and she led me out. I wondered where we were going when she led me to the place I normally wouldn't be allowed.

When we entered I seen it they checked Sierra for a mark and she didn't have one so she showed she was a tidemaker. "You look like the girl who came in with the General." The man said as she smiled. "My twin sister." She said as that was enough to get her a wristband. When he looked at me he asked to see my wrist and I knew that I did have a mark as I showed it which he accepted easily and put the same on me as we walked in.

"So why?" I whispered to Sierra as I knew that it was odd but as we walked I noticed that there was all Grisha. Some were socializing with others as they didn't seem to figure out I was human but I felt uncomfortable yet as I looked I saw Mira standing with him. They were talking that was clear and she was pointing over to a cut off area. "Hey what is that?" I asked pointing where Amira did. Sierra noticed and she must have known "It's the soulmate area..I think Amira..well she's been acting strange...I think she..did it." Sierra said as I thought it was odd she'd give herself to someone she hardly knew but before we could walk over to talk to Amira and the General I saw them walkin over to the area as her neck was looked at and his wrist was looking at before they walked back.

She can't seriously be about to walk into the same situation.. I thought

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